Knight of Cups (2015) Movie Script
The Pilgrim's Progress.
From this World to That Which is to Come,
Delivered Under the Similitude of a Dream.
Wherein is Discovered,
The Manner of His Setting Out,
His Dangerous Journey
And Safe Arrival at the Desired Country.
As I walked through
the wilderness of this world,
I lighted on a certain place
where was a den
and I laid me down in that place to sleep.
And as I slept, I dreamed a dream.
I saw a man clothed with rags,
standing in a certain place with
his face from his own house
book in his hand,
and a great burden upon his back.
All those years...
living the life of someone...
I didn't even know.
Remember the story
I used to tell you when you were a boy...
about a young prince.
A knight,
sent by his father, the King of the East,
west into Egypt...
to find a pearl.
A pearl from the depths of the sea.
But when the prince arrived,
the people poured him a cup
that took away his memory.
He forgot he was the son of the king.
Forgot about the pearl...
and fell into a deep sleep.
The king didn't forget his son.
He continued to send word...
messengers...
guides.
But the prince slept on.
You see the palm trees?
They tell you anything's possible.
You can be anything...
do anything...
start over.
You know?
I'm asking for your permission to make this
a dramatic scene for one second...
My son...
you are just like I am.
Can't figure your life out?
Can't put the pieces together?
Just like me.
A pilgrim on this earth.
A stranger.
Fragments...
pieces...
of a man.
Where did I go wrong?
What you wanna talk about?
You have nice eyes.
Aren't I lucky.
Where do you live?
Why do ya wanna know?
I want to write you a letter.
What are you gonna say in your letter?
Maybe you better not say it.
Let's live
like nobody is ever done it before.
Wicked.
Once the soul
was perfect and had wings...
Brave.
it could soar into heaven
where only creatures with wings can be.
But the soul lost its wings
and fell to Earth.
There it took an earthly body.
And now, while it lives in this body,
no outward sign of wings can be seen.
Yet the roots of its wings are still there.
And the nature of wings is to try to raise
the earthbound body
and soar with it into heaven.
When we see a beautiful woman, or a man...
the soul remembers the beauty
it used to know in heaven.
And wings begin to spout,
and that makes the soul want to fly,
but it cannot yet.
It is still too weak.
So the man keeps staring up
into the sky like a young bird.
He has lost
all interest in the world...
- Can I come over?
- We just left each other.
Are you alone?
Of course.
On my phone sheet, I got agent
writers up my ass trying to get this job.
I just want to sit next to you.
Teddy thinks
you're the guy for this.
That means the assignment
you didn't turn in, right,
you don't have to worry about it.
Here's what happens. That goes away.
- What are you wearing?
- A dress.
- What's it made of?
- How should I know?
Cotton, I guess.
We said there's no way you're gonna do it.
So what'd we do? Said, double your quote.
And he did it.
And that, Chuck signed off of that.
Teddy gets who he wants.
The biggest comedy star wants you.
Five years ago you came to me and
wanted to write big movies in Hollywood.
- I mean...
- Okay, I don't want to see.
Moments like this
don't come along, okay? This is it.
I see how you look at me.
You think I could make you crazy?
Crack you out of your shell?
Make you suffer?
I think you're weak.
You don't want love.
You want a love experience.
Am I bringing you back to life?
Lave and do what you like.
A saint said that.
Desire so deep.
I'll throw my life away.
Don't go back to being dead.
What do you want?
We're not leading the lives
that we are meant for.
We're meant for something else.
My brother will translate.
He looks around.
He walks near the edge of the cliff.
She says, like shadows.
Where will I meet you?
Which way should I go?
Suppose it isn't there for me,
in the end?
How do I begin?
Remember how you showed up?
Your wrists were taped up
like a tennis player's.
You walked around
like nothing had happened.
You were always doing it,
pretending everything was okay.
But it wasn't.
- That's my brother, Rick.
- How are ya?
What's goin' on, now? Anything.
Same today?
Don't know how many times
I thought I'd die right here on the street.
I picked him up and I had him
in my car, and a cop pulled us over.
I tell him, "I'm a Methodist minister
and I'm looking after you, alright?"
And I got off.
I dreamed that we were caught in
a huge tidal wave that engulfed the city.
Any moment I! seemed like
we might be swept under.
There was a door
that I was afraid to go through.
- I touched the knob...
- If I stuck you with a fork,
Just wanna feel somethin', man.
Wish we could do some things.
Like gain' out on the Snake River together.
Remember?
Think I'd end up here.
Gracias.
It's good of you to invite me out here.
Show me what it's like
to live a normal life.
Somethin' wrong?
What's up?
I can tell when somethin's wrong, man.
I know you.
What do you wanna talk about?
I'm the only brother you got left.
You can tell me.
I tell you stuff.
I loved my brother then.
I hated him, too.
For destroying everything
I'd been trying to do.
To build us back up after Billy died.
I remember when they were putting Billy
in the ground, Dad went into hysterics.
"My son!"
Who fucking does that?
They said he took his life.
But they don't know.
Oh, right now. Come on.
I gotta feel something.
Like a snake.
Swallowed him.
Come on, feel it.
Blind.
Deaf.
Grasping.
I just wanted to twist a cane.
Strike out, break free.
Didn't have the guts.
He's just an old fool.
Just let him die with his blinders an.
Redeem my life.
Justify it.
Ah, look at the fierce one.
The fierceness in his eyes. The rage!
inflicted upon myself...
yam on Billy.
I died.
In a different way.
I know you don't love me.
I know things.
- Say it.
- Serious information.
I've blinded you.
My fife has...
I did every lousy, crappy job
that they wanted me to do.
But because I stumbled down
the road like a drunk...
that doesn't mean it's the wrong one.
I turned you upside down.
My son.
The light's gone out of your eyes.
Womanizer.
Cut off.
Life.
A goddess.
Angela...
Frita...
Music is very important.
Helps me to fall in love.
I fall in love 20 times a day.
Your face was very familiar to me, but I
didn't know from where. You're fantastic.
Thank you.
Listening to music on headsets, unaware you
are staring at them like a dirty ol' man.
Myself, I didn't wanna get a divorce.
I never stopped loving them.
But the way I loved them changed.
They are like flavors.
Sometimes you want raspberry, then
after a while you want some strawberry.
- It's Abrasive.
- Oh, you are such a governor.
- What's your name?
- Helen.
What's your name?
Rick.
Do you know anybody here?
No. Does that surprise you?
- I know a guy.
- I know a guy...
- like future space.
- You're at a party, it's alright.
You know who'd be hot?
Cleopatra.
If her nose had been this much shorter,
it would've changed the world.
The Pearl.
Somewhere in the sea.
A chaos.
Hungry.
Longing for something other...
without knowing what it is.
What about pink?
Do you like pink?
- I love the company of women.
- It's pretty. Did it lake long?
It seemed they knew something.
Some men don't like pink.
- But closer.
- Now you tell me something.
To the mystery.
Treat this world as it deserves.
There are no principles...
just circumstances.
Nobody's home.
Smoke machines in an empty sea.
I got women in Tennessee.
What can run but never walk,
some word have I found but never talk.
Gonna take me out to see...
Ge! up.
Find it.
There's a ketamine party we're having
next week. Have you ever heard of that?
You're here for 20 seconds and then,
wham, you're out. You're in another room.
Your wife. You're in another one.
You oughtta do that.
Have you been to Sarajevo?
I have prayed, man,
for God to take my arm, take both arms.
I felt so useless.
What's your name?
Dear friend.
I wonder where I was in all that time.
A sleepwalker.
In love with the world,
in love with love.
Mum The world's a swamp.
You have to fly over it.
Fly...
High up...
where everything is just...
a speck.
You changed.
The world absorbed you.
More and more.
I regret that it turned out the way it did.
You always wanted to get away.
I wanted a mate.
I couldn't have you.
Just didn't wanna be alone.
Are you sorry that you brought me here?
Are you sorry you came?
Do you remember how happy we were?
Different these days.
What's going on with you?
You used to sing in the morning
coming down the stairs.
I meant to make you happy.
I wanted nothing else.
But then you began to be angry with me...
just for little things.
I don't wanna accuse you,
bu! you turned more unkind toward me.
Almost cruel.
Just don't threaten me with leaving, okay?
Just do what you wanna do!
Just go!
Stay.
I want you.
Hold you.
Have you.
Mine.
Are you sorry
we didn't have babies?
I am.
Got started so late.
You wanted me to help you
through the dangers of a young man's life.
Ambition.
Fear.
When was the last time
you took these boots off?
I think you were afraid
of going astray.
I couldn't help you stay on the right path.
Your head was turned
in the wrong direction.
Can you move all your fingers?
Yeah, they look a little bit bruised.
You never really wanted
to be totally inside our marriage.
Nor outside it, either.
You were sincere in the promises you made.
Still... they didn't come from your heart.
I was afraid when I was young.
Afraid of life.
Who pays for it.
I'm sorry you had to pay as well.
My hope.
You gave me peace.
You gave me what the world can't give.
Mercy.
Love.
Joy.
All else is cloud.
Mist.
Be with me.
Always.
You 're still the love of my life.
Should I tell you that?
Drinking is bad.
Bu! feelings are worse.
Sober girls are the worst,
but so are really drunk ones.
The sweet spot is one xanie,
four white wines.
If you're not first in line,
you're smelling somebody else's brown eye.
Balls deep.
Living my life is like
playing Call oi Duty on easy.
I just go around and fuck shit up.
Why don't we take
"yes" for an answer.
Let me tell you about you.
You worked long and hard
to get to this moment.
Mountain air.
Freedom.
What are you gonna do?
Crawl back down because
you don't like the altitude?
You have an incomparable opportunity.
I told you about you.
Now let me tell you about me.
I wanna make you rich.
Is there anyone you wanna sit
in a room with?
Is there anyone you wanna know?
You wanna climb your stairs, or theirs?
Never get your shot.
Your time on Earth.
AH you need to do is say yes.
Nod.
Wink.
Where else will you go?
It'll be the same there.
Don't get your head
too far up your own ass.
Once people envied
and respected me.
They called me in.
Give me your ID's.
Give me your...
give me your pass to open the doors.
They have a checklist.
They didn't count the pros
and cons...
I gave my life up for you kids.
It wasn't a noble sacrifice.
It was what we were supposed to do.
It was the way I was raised.
Try starving once! I've tried it.
I've done it!
Now ifs all over. Now it's leaving me.
Now it's going away from me.
You think when you reach a
certain age things will start making sense.
Then you find out you're
just as last as you were before.
I suppose that's what damnation is.
The pieces of your life
never to some together.
Just splashed out there.
His goods are in peace. Bu! when
a stranger than he shall came upon you...
This was a vision,
nice and
clear as a mountain stream.
The mind revealing itself to itself.
In my vision
I was on the verandah of a vast estate,
a palazzo of some fantastic proportion.
There seemed to emanate from it a light
from within this gleaming, radiant marble.
That's good, that's good.
Tuck.
Relax your mouth.
Who is responsible for this clothing?
Who is it?
- Can you step out of the wind?
- Stop smiling.
And don't move too fast.
They didn't take eighty.
Doesn't matter.
I had a dream.
Don't stare at me like this.
I meta woman from another world.
I was taken up above the earth.
I shook with fear.
Wonder.
Lean into her.
Put your breasts against her back.
Don't look sweet. Don't look scared.
You like this, Helen.
Who are you?
Look into the camera. Fucking make
ii hard. You're a dirty, fucking bitch.
Work those muscles. You're a 1975 housewife
who takes steroids and fucks girls.
I travel.
A wanderer.
A stranger.
Like you.
Stop, take your hands off your hip.
Hit her hard, pop.
I keep thinking
I can make a new start.
Helen?
Two weeks.
Can you swim?
Higher.
Is this a friendship we have?
I don't wanna wreak havoc
in men's lives anymore.
Oh life.
What do you want from me?
To weave a spell over you?
To make you dream?
Dreams are nice.
But you can't Jive in them.
There's somewhere else
we needle get to.
I know it.
It comes to me now.
How tenderly you touched my face...
when you were four years old.
And I'd bounce you on my knee.
So much I was given.
So much I left behind.
Remember.
The pearl.
Whispering.
Beckoning.
Each man,
each woman.
A guide.
A god.
except I got better
math and science scores...
You live in exile.
Stranger in a strange land.
A Pilgrim.
A knight.
Find your way...
from darkness...
to fight.
You wanna give him a high-five?
Thank you.
- How long will you be here?
- A week, Sara's got folks here.
Have you been out here before?
You told me
that sometimes you felt like a spy.
Always had to pretend.
You were afraid.
You would hide behind
the rocking chair before he came home
and you'd get real stiff.
I hope you have children.
You're always wondering, are they too cold,
are they warm enough?
Instead of worrying about yourselves.
- Don't fucking move.
- Check him for his wallet.
Come on.
Got 20, 40, 60.
Couple hundred.
Take the TV?
You can't tow that down the street.
How come you ain't got nothin'
in this house, man!
- Keep looking.
- What kind of jacket is that? Take it off.
Take it off. Whoa, careful.
I've spent 30 years.
Not living life.
But ruining it.
For myself. And others.
I can't remember...
A man I wanted to be.
What mood am I in?
Tell me...
What do I think of you?
No one cares about reality anymore.
What's your story?
What? yours?
I'm an Aussie.
Australian.
Yeah.
You've been there, down under?
What's your name?
What's your name?
Whatever you want it to be.
You pick.
You have a darkness on you.
A little shadow.
You live in a little fantasy world,
don't you?
Don't you?
Yes. Because ifs so much more fun.
Do you enjoy yours?
Uh-huh. Changes every day.
I can be whatever I want to be.
Don't forget that.
You can be whoever you want to be.
You can be an asshole.
You can be a saint,
you can be a you can be a god.
I'll tell you,
but don't tell anyone, ifs a secret.
We 're like clouds, aren't we?
Coming and going.
There's no such thing as forever.
The highs don't add up.
You liked that, didn't you?
Free.
Wake up.
Love danger.
Like living on the edge like this.
It's crazy, ifs scary.
What if I get busted?
Look at you with your little
eyes looking at me.
Sometimes I think I know so much more
about the world than other people.
You see, I took drugs once, and it kind of
opened up this window for me.
I call it the Window of Truth.
Real life's so hard to find.
I saw the world in a different way...
Where is it?
I see things other people do not...
I think you had that experience, too.
How do you get there?
Get out of the big cloud of dust
everybody's kicking up.
The only way out is in.
Breathe.
Your mind's a theater.
I say, try it all.
Why not?
Then I tell back asleep.
Sing for me.
Dream another dream.
who laid the foundations of the earth,
that it should not be removed for ever.
The waters stood above the mountains.
A! thy rebuke they fled,
at the voice of thy thunder
they hasted away.
They go down by the valleys unto the place
which thou has! founded for them.
He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle
and herb for the service of man that he may
bring forth food out of the earth...
Very loving and enchanting.
Most affectionate.
Real nice to get along.
Very beautiful.
I like your outfit, too, especially the
boots. Now they're a touch of class.
Are you a religious man?
- You have a cross around your neck.
- Absolutely.
Oh, even though I'm in darkness,
I believe in the light.
I was instructed from some information
to be no part of the world
nor of the things in it.
But my eyes are now simple,
and I'm carnal when I see beautiful women
and big cars and lots of money,
and I wanna be a part of it.
I mean, who needs a bed
this big? Pretty good, huh?
Look at you,
hanging out there with your girls and your
money. Are you feeling happy?
- Yes.
- It makes you happy?
- It depends who owns the money.
- It's my new fur. He bought it for me.
This man is in love with me.
Just some other girl.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.
And the world held up a mirror.
Here.
Take the things you want.
They can be yours.
Why do you hold back?
I thought you were dead.
- I can't believe I actually met Elvis.
- You never know in this town.
That's my move.
Do you think I'll be as famous as Elvis?
What a fool am I?
Just to fie in a stinking dungeon.
When I may as well walk a! liberty.
I have a key in my bosom called promise.
And will I am persuaded,
open any lock in Doubting Castle.
Though in this dark and dismal state,
he hath turned the shadow
of death into the morning,
Go,
Where?
Find it.
How do I reach you?
Find my way there?
Are you afraid?
Sweetheart, my lave,
I don't feel guilty
that I've fallen in love with you.
I'm glad.
Grateful I still can.
You're afraid
you're making me break my vows.
But the vow comes out
of the love behind it.
Love's so rare that when you find it
you can't doubt it.
Let it go.
I remember when
I came down out of the mountains
and I was conditioned with
being absolutely clear.
Absolutely...
if not enlightened,
at least wiser than I had been.
You have to kneel in a certain way and
you have to bow at the appropriate time.
And it's all beautifully timed,
even the sound of when they announce...
We walked 250 miles over the mountains,
into Tibet area.
And every... couple days,
every 20 miles or so,
you knew you were
going back in history, in time...
But don't forget
their life is so circumscribed.
If you're living in a cave eating nettles,
it's not so difficult to keep life simple.
You don't have honking horns and your wife
running in saying "You screwed up!"
The distractions are very few, and that's
the great attraction of the monk's life.
Teaching now... I only teach one thing.
I just teach this moment.
Pay attention to this moment.
And everything is there...
perfect...
and complete.
Just as it is.
You're so quiet.
You keep everything to yourself.
You have love in you.
I know it.
When I'm with you...
I forget everything else.
My husband...
my life as I knew it.
Thumb, first finger, third
finger, left, fourth finger, third finger,
second finger, thumb, right hand, thumb,
first finger, second finger, thumb...
Have I found you?
Can it be?
Answer me.
So this is what we are.
A fire.
Come with me.
Away.
Open your mouth.
I wanna go away with you.
Marry you.
Save what you can of your life.
Look at me.
Don't lose it all
just because you've lost a part.
I found out! was pregnant.
Nate came back.
And I wasn't sure if it was my husband's...
or if it was yours.
to distract me right now
but I wanted to tell you, to...
acknowledge that it was...
I wake up and...
I forget about it
for a few minutes and then...
and then I remember.
She's like "I had four of them.
You have to get over it and stop crying."
What are we now?
Forgive me.
There's so much lave inside us.
That never gets out.
Have mercy an me.
According to your unfailing love,
your great compassion,
blot out my transgressions.
My son,
I know you.
I know you have a soul.
Seems you're alone.
You're not.
Even now,
He's taking your hand and guiding you
by a way you cannot see.
If you are unhappy, you shouldn't
take it as a mark of God's disfavor.
Just the contrary.
Might be the very sign He loves you.
He shows His love
not by helping you avoid suffering,
by sending you suffering,
by keeping you there.
To suffer binds you to something
higher than yourself,
higher than your own will.
Takes you from the world
to find what lies beyond it.
We are not only to endure
patiently the troubles He sends,
we are to regard them as gifts.
As gifts more precious
than the happiness we wish for ourselves.
Just left you behind.
To get burned up.
Haw do I begin?
Father.
Give me courage.
Strength.
I'm proud of you.
You've done well.
Better than me.
Which is the way it's supposed to be.
Find the light
you know in {he east.
As a child.
The moon.
The stars.
They serve you.
They guide you on your way.
The light in the eyes of others.
The pearl.
Wake up.
Turn.
Look.
Come out.
My son,
Remember.
Begin.
From this World to That Which is to Come,
Delivered Under the Similitude of a Dream.
Wherein is Discovered,
The Manner of His Setting Out,
His Dangerous Journey
And Safe Arrival at the Desired Country.
As I walked through
the wilderness of this world,
I lighted on a certain place
where was a den
and I laid me down in that place to sleep.
And as I slept, I dreamed a dream.
I saw a man clothed with rags,
standing in a certain place with
his face from his own house
book in his hand,
and a great burden upon his back.
All those years...
living the life of someone...
I didn't even know.
Remember the story
I used to tell you when you were a boy...
about a young prince.
A knight,
sent by his father, the King of the East,
west into Egypt...
to find a pearl.
A pearl from the depths of the sea.
But when the prince arrived,
the people poured him a cup
that took away his memory.
He forgot he was the son of the king.
Forgot about the pearl...
and fell into a deep sleep.
The king didn't forget his son.
He continued to send word...
messengers...
guides.
But the prince slept on.
You see the palm trees?
They tell you anything's possible.
You can be anything...
do anything...
start over.
You know?
I'm asking for your permission to make this
a dramatic scene for one second...
My son...
you are just like I am.
Can't figure your life out?
Can't put the pieces together?
Just like me.
A pilgrim on this earth.
A stranger.
Fragments...
pieces...
of a man.
Where did I go wrong?
What you wanna talk about?
You have nice eyes.
Aren't I lucky.
Where do you live?
Why do ya wanna know?
I want to write you a letter.
What are you gonna say in your letter?
Maybe you better not say it.
Let's live
like nobody is ever done it before.
Wicked.
Once the soul
was perfect and had wings...
Brave.
it could soar into heaven
where only creatures with wings can be.
But the soul lost its wings
and fell to Earth.
There it took an earthly body.
And now, while it lives in this body,
no outward sign of wings can be seen.
Yet the roots of its wings are still there.
And the nature of wings is to try to raise
the earthbound body
and soar with it into heaven.
When we see a beautiful woman, or a man...
the soul remembers the beauty
it used to know in heaven.
And wings begin to spout,
and that makes the soul want to fly,
but it cannot yet.
It is still too weak.
So the man keeps staring up
into the sky like a young bird.
He has lost
all interest in the world...
- Can I come over?
- We just left each other.
Are you alone?
Of course.
On my phone sheet, I got agent
writers up my ass trying to get this job.
I just want to sit next to you.
Teddy thinks
you're the guy for this.
That means the assignment
you didn't turn in, right,
you don't have to worry about it.
Here's what happens. That goes away.
- What are you wearing?
- A dress.
- What's it made of?
- How should I know?
Cotton, I guess.
We said there's no way you're gonna do it.
So what'd we do? Said, double your quote.
And he did it.
And that, Chuck signed off of that.
Teddy gets who he wants.
The biggest comedy star wants you.
Five years ago you came to me and
wanted to write big movies in Hollywood.
- I mean...
- Okay, I don't want to see.
Moments like this
don't come along, okay? This is it.
I see how you look at me.
You think I could make you crazy?
Crack you out of your shell?
Make you suffer?
I think you're weak.
You don't want love.
You want a love experience.
Am I bringing you back to life?
Lave and do what you like.
A saint said that.
Desire so deep.
I'll throw my life away.
Don't go back to being dead.
What do you want?
We're not leading the lives
that we are meant for.
We're meant for something else.
My brother will translate.
He looks around.
He walks near the edge of the cliff.
She says, like shadows.
Where will I meet you?
Which way should I go?
Suppose it isn't there for me,
in the end?
How do I begin?
Remember how you showed up?
Your wrists were taped up
like a tennis player's.
You walked around
like nothing had happened.
You were always doing it,
pretending everything was okay.
But it wasn't.
- That's my brother, Rick.
- How are ya?
What's goin' on, now? Anything.
Same today?
Don't know how many times
I thought I'd die right here on the street.
I picked him up and I had him
in my car, and a cop pulled us over.
I tell him, "I'm a Methodist minister
and I'm looking after you, alright?"
And I got off.
I dreamed that we were caught in
a huge tidal wave that engulfed the city.
Any moment I! seemed like
we might be swept under.
There was a door
that I was afraid to go through.
- I touched the knob...
- If I stuck you with a fork,
Just wanna feel somethin', man.
Wish we could do some things.
Like gain' out on the Snake River together.
Remember?
Think I'd end up here.
Gracias.
It's good of you to invite me out here.
Show me what it's like
to live a normal life.
Somethin' wrong?
What's up?
I can tell when somethin's wrong, man.
I know you.
What do you wanna talk about?
I'm the only brother you got left.
You can tell me.
I tell you stuff.
I loved my brother then.
I hated him, too.
For destroying everything
I'd been trying to do.
To build us back up after Billy died.
I remember when they were putting Billy
in the ground, Dad went into hysterics.
"My son!"
Who fucking does that?
They said he took his life.
But they don't know.
Oh, right now. Come on.
I gotta feel something.
Like a snake.
Swallowed him.
Come on, feel it.
Blind.
Deaf.
Grasping.
I just wanted to twist a cane.
Strike out, break free.
Didn't have the guts.
He's just an old fool.
Just let him die with his blinders an.
Redeem my life.
Justify it.
Ah, look at the fierce one.
The fierceness in his eyes. The rage!
inflicted upon myself...
yam on Billy.
I died.
In a different way.
I know you don't love me.
I know things.
- Say it.
- Serious information.
I've blinded you.
My fife has...
I did every lousy, crappy job
that they wanted me to do.
But because I stumbled down
the road like a drunk...
that doesn't mean it's the wrong one.
I turned you upside down.
My son.
The light's gone out of your eyes.
Womanizer.
Cut off.
Life.
A goddess.
Angela...
Frita...
Music is very important.
Helps me to fall in love.
I fall in love 20 times a day.
Your face was very familiar to me, but I
didn't know from where. You're fantastic.
Thank you.
Listening to music on headsets, unaware you
are staring at them like a dirty ol' man.
Myself, I didn't wanna get a divorce.
I never stopped loving them.
But the way I loved them changed.
They are like flavors.
Sometimes you want raspberry, then
after a while you want some strawberry.
- It's Abrasive.
- Oh, you are such a governor.
- What's your name?
- Helen.
What's your name?
Rick.
Do you know anybody here?
No. Does that surprise you?
- I know a guy.
- I know a guy...
- like future space.
- You're at a party, it's alright.
You know who'd be hot?
Cleopatra.
If her nose had been this much shorter,
it would've changed the world.
The Pearl.
Somewhere in the sea.
A chaos.
Hungry.
Longing for something other...
without knowing what it is.
What about pink?
Do you like pink?
- I love the company of women.
- It's pretty. Did it lake long?
It seemed they knew something.
Some men don't like pink.
- But closer.
- Now you tell me something.
To the mystery.
Treat this world as it deserves.
There are no principles...
just circumstances.
Nobody's home.
Smoke machines in an empty sea.
I got women in Tennessee.
What can run but never walk,
some word have I found but never talk.
Gonna take me out to see...
Ge! up.
Find it.
There's a ketamine party we're having
next week. Have you ever heard of that?
You're here for 20 seconds and then,
wham, you're out. You're in another room.
Your wife. You're in another one.
You oughtta do that.
Have you been to Sarajevo?
I have prayed, man,
for God to take my arm, take both arms.
I felt so useless.
What's your name?
Dear friend.
I wonder where I was in all that time.
A sleepwalker.
In love with the world,
in love with love.
Mum The world's a swamp.
You have to fly over it.
Fly...
High up...
where everything is just...
a speck.
You changed.
The world absorbed you.
More and more.
I regret that it turned out the way it did.
You always wanted to get away.
I wanted a mate.
I couldn't have you.
Just didn't wanna be alone.
Are you sorry that you brought me here?
Are you sorry you came?
Do you remember how happy we were?
Different these days.
What's going on with you?
You used to sing in the morning
coming down the stairs.
I meant to make you happy.
I wanted nothing else.
But then you began to be angry with me...
just for little things.
I don't wanna accuse you,
bu! you turned more unkind toward me.
Almost cruel.
Just don't threaten me with leaving, okay?
Just do what you wanna do!
Just go!
Stay.
I want you.
Hold you.
Have you.
Mine.
Are you sorry
we didn't have babies?
I am.
Got started so late.
You wanted me to help you
through the dangers of a young man's life.
Ambition.
Fear.
When was the last time
you took these boots off?
I think you were afraid
of going astray.
I couldn't help you stay on the right path.
Your head was turned
in the wrong direction.
Can you move all your fingers?
Yeah, they look a little bit bruised.
You never really wanted
to be totally inside our marriage.
Nor outside it, either.
You were sincere in the promises you made.
Still... they didn't come from your heart.
I was afraid when I was young.
Afraid of life.
Who pays for it.
I'm sorry you had to pay as well.
My hope.
You gave me peace.
You gave me what the world can't give.
Mercy.
Love.
Joy.
All else is cloud.
Mist.
Be with me.
Always.
You 're still the love of my life.
Should I tell you that?
Drinking is bad.
Bu! feelings are worse.
Sober girls are the worst,
but so are really drunk ones.
The sweet spot is one xanie,
four white wines.
If you're not first in line,
you're smelling somebody else's brown eye.
Balls deep.
Living my life is like
playing Call oi Duty on easy.
I just go around and fuck shit up.
Why don't we take
"yes" for an answer.
Let me tell you about you.
You worked long and hard
to get to this moment.
Mountain air.
Freedom.
What are you gonna do?
Crawl back down because
you don't like the altitude?
You have an incomparable opportunity.
I told you about you.
Now let me tell you about me.
I wanna make you rich.
Is there anyone you wanna sit
in a room with?
Is there anyone you wanna know?
You wanna climb your stairs, or theirs?
Never get your shot.
Your time on Earth.
AH you need to do is say yes.
Nod.
Wink.
Where else will you go?
It'll be the same there.
Don't get your head
too far up your own ass.
Once people envied
and respected me.
They called me in.
Give me your ID's.
Give me your...
give me your pass to open the doors.
They have a checklist.
They didn't count the pros
and cons...
I gave my life up for you kids.
It wasn't a noble sacrifice.
It was what we were supposed to do.
It was the way I was raised.
Try starving once! I've tried it.
I've done it!
Now ifs all over. Now it's leaving me.
Now it's going away from me.
You think when you reach a
certain age things will start making sense.
Then you find out you're
just as last as you were before.
I suppose that's what damnation is.
The pieces of your life
never to some together.
Just splashed out there.
His goods are in peace. Bu! when
a stranger than he shall came upon you...
This was a vision,
nice and
clear as a mountain stream.
The mind revealing itself to itself.
In my vision
I was on the verandah of a vast estate,
a palazzo of some fantastic proportion.
There seemed to emanate from it a light
from within this gleaming, radiant marble.
That's good, that's good.
Tuck.
Relax your mouth.
Who is responsible for this clothing?
Who is it?
- Can you step out of the wind?
- Stop smiling.
And don't move too fast.
They didn't take eighty.
Doesn't matter.
I had a dream.
Don't stare at me like this.
I meta woman from another world.
I was taken up above the earth.
I shook with fear.
Wonder.
Lean into her.
Put your breasts against her back.
Don't look sweet. Don't look scared.
You like this, Helen.
Who are you?
Look into the camera. Fucking make
ii hard. You're a dirty, fucking bitch.
Work those muscles. You're a 1975 housewife
who takes steroids and fucks girls.
I travel.
A wanderer.
A stranger.
Like you.
Stop, take your hands off your hip.
Hit her hard, pop.
I keep thinking
I can make a new start.
Helen?
Two weeks.
Can you swim?
Higher.
Is this a friendship we have?
I don't wanna wreak havoc
in men's lives anymore.
Oh life.
What do you want from me?
To weave a spell over you?
To make you dream?
Dreams are nice.
But you can't Jive in them.
There's somewhere else
we needle get to.
I know it.
It comes to me now.
How tenderly you touched my face...
when you were four years old.
And I'd bounce you on my knee.
So much I was given.
So much I left behind.
Remember.
The pearl.
Whispering.
Beckoning.
Each man,
each woman.
A guide.
A god.
except I got better
math and science scores...
You live in exile.
Stranger in a strange land.
A Pilgrim.
A knight.
Find your way...
from darkness...
to fight.
You wanna give him a high-five?
Thank you.
- How long will you be here?
- A week, Sara's got folks here.
Have you been out here before?
You told me
that sometimes you felt like a spy.
Always had to pretend.
You were afraid.
You would hide behind
the rocking chair before he came home
and you'd get real stiff.
I hope you have children.
You're always wondering, are they too cold,
are they warm enough?
Instead of worrying about yourselves.
- Don't fucking move.
- Check him for his wallet.
Come on.
Got 20, 40, 60.
Couple hundred.
Take the TV?
You can't tow that down the street.
How come you ain't got nothin'
in this house, man!
- Keep looking.
- What kind of jacket is that? Take it off.
Take it off. Whoa, careful.
I've spent 30 years.
Not living life.
But ruining it.
For myself. And others.
I can't remember...
A man I wanted to be.
What mood am I in?
Tell me...
What do I think of you?
No one cares about reality anymore.
What's your story?
What? yours?
I'm an Aussie.
Australian.
Yeah.
You've been there, down under?
What's your name?
What's your name?
Whatever you want it to be.
You pick.
You have a darkness on you.
A little shadow.
You live in a little fantasy world,
don't you?
Don't you?
Yes. Because ifs so much more fun.
Do you enjoy yours?
Uh-huh. Changes every day.
I can be whatever I want to be.
Don't forget that.
You can be whoever you want to be.
You can be an asshole.
You can be a saint,
you can be a you can be a god.
I'll tell you,
but don't tell anyone, ifs a secret.
We 're like clouds, aren't we?
Coming and going.
There's no such thing as forever.
The highs don't add up.
You liked that, didn't you?
Free.
Wake up.
Love danger.
Like living on the edge like this.
It's crazy, ifs scary.
What if I get busted?
Look at you with your little
eyes looking at me.
Sometimes I think I know so much more
about the world than other people.
You see, I took drugs once, and it kind of
opened up this window for me.
I call it the Window of Truth.
Real life's so hard to find.
I saw the world in a different way...
Where is it?
I see things other people do not...
I think you had that experience, too.
How do you get there?
Get out of the big cloud of dust
everybody's kicking up.
The only way out is in.
Breathe.
Your mind's a theater.
I say, try it all.
Why not?
Then I tell back asleep.
Sing for me.
Dream another dream.
who laid the foundations of the earth,
that it should not be removed for ever.
The waters stood above the mountains.
A! thy rebuke they fled,
at the voice of thy thunder
they hasted away.
They go down by the valleys unto the place
which thou has! founded for them.
He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle
and herb for the service of man that he may
bring forth food out of the earth...
Very loving and enchanting.
Most affectionate.
Real nice to get along.
Very beautiful.
I like your outfit, too, especially the
boots. Now they're a touch of class.
Are you a religious man?
- You have a cross around your neck.
- Absolutely.
Oh, even though I'm in darkness,
I believe in the light.
I was instructed from some information
to be no part of the world
nor of the things in it.
But my eyes are now simple,
and I'm carnal when I see beautiful women
and big cars and lots of money,
and I wanna be a part of it.
I mean, who needs a bed
this big? Pretty good, huh?
Look at you,
hanging out there with your girls and your
money. Are you feeling happy?
- Yes.
- It makes you happy?
- It depends who owns the money.
- It's my new fur. He bought it for me.
This man is in love with me.
Just some other girl.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.
And the world held up a mirror.
Here.
Take the things you want.
They can be yours.
Why do you hold back?
I thought you were dead.
- I can't believe I actually met Elvis.
- You never know in this town.
That's my move.
Do you think I'll be as famous as Elvis?
What a fool am I?
Just to fie in a stinking dungeon.
When I may as well walk a! liberty.
I have a key in my bosom called promise.
And will I am persuaded,
open any lock in Doubting Castle.
Though in this dark and dismal state,
he hath turned the shadow
of death into the morning,
Go,
Where?
Find it.
How do I reach you?
Find my way there?
Are you afraid?
Sweetheart, my lave,
I don't feel guilty
that I've fallen in love with you.
I'm glad.
Grateful I still can.
You're afraid
you're making me break my vows.
But the vow comes out
of the love behind it.
Love's so rare that when you find it
you can't doubt it.
Let it go.
I remember when
I came down out of the mountains
and I was conditioned with
being absolutely clear.
Absolutely...
if not enlightened,
at least wiser than I had been.
You have to kneel in a certain way and
you have to bow at the appropriate time.
And it's all beautifully timed,
even the sound of when they announce...
We walked 250 miles over the mountains,
into Tibet area.
And every... couple days,
every 20 miles or so,
you knew you were
going back in history, in time...
But don't forget
their life is so circumscribed.
If you're living in a cave eating nettles,
it's not so difficult to keep life simple.
You don't have honking horns and your wife
running in saying "You screwed up!"
The distractions are very few, and that's
the great attraction of the monk's life.
Teaching now... I only teach one thing.
I just teach this moment.
Pay attention to this moment.
And everything is there...
perfect...
and complete.
Just as it is.
You're so quiet.
You keep everything to yourself.
You have love in you.
I know it.
When I'm with you...
I forget everything else.
My husband...
my life as I knew it.
Thumb, first finger, third
finger, left, fourth finger, third finger,
second finger, thumb, right hand, thumb,
first finger, second finger, thumb...
Have I found you?
Can it be?
Answer me.
So this is what we are.
A fire.
Come with me.
Away.
Open your mouth.
I wanna go away with you.
Marry you.
Save what you can of your life.
Look at me.
Don't lose it all
just because you've lost a part.
I found out! was pregnant.
Nate came back.
And I wasn't sure if it was my husband's...
or if it was yours.
to distract me right now
but I wanted to tell you, to...
acknowledge that it was...
I wake up and...
I forget about it
for a few minutes and then...
and then I remember.
She's like "I had four of them.
You have to get over it and stop crying."
What are we now?
Forgive me.
There's so much lave inside us.
That never gets out.
Have mercy an me.
According to your unfailing love,
your great compassion,
blot out my transgressions.
My son,
I know you.
I know you have a soul.
Seems you're alone.
You're not.
Even now,
He's taking your hand and guiding you
by a way you cannot see.
If you are unhappy, you shouldn't
take it as a mark of God's disfavor.
Just the contrary.
Might be the very sign He loves you.
He shows His love
not by helping you avoid suffering,
by sending you suffering,
by keeping you there.
To suffer binds you to something
higher than yourself,
higher than your own will.
Takes you from the world
to find what lies beyond it.
We are not only to endure
patiently the troubles He sends,
we are to regard them as gifts.
As gifts more precious
than the happiness we wish for ourselves.
Just left you behind.
To get burned up.
Haw do I begin?
Father.
Give me courage.
Strength.
I'm proud of you.
You've done well.
Better than me.
Which is the way it's supposed to be.
Find the light
you know in {he east.
As a child.
The moon.
The stars.
They serve you.
They guide you on your way.
The light in the eyes of others.
The pearl.
Wake up.
Turn.
Look.
Come out.
My son,
Remember.
Begin.