Superman 3 (1983) Movie Script
Next, please.
Come on, come on.
Next.
Name.
Gus Gorman.
Ah, yes. August Gorman.
Have you looked for work this week?
- Yes.
- What kind?
- Kitchen technician.
- Dishwasher. Any luck?
No, but...
According to our records,
you have been unemployed for 36 weeks.
No, it's 35.
Not counting this week.
You secured employment in June as a
messenger and were discharged after...
...one day for...
- No, they said I lost it.
I did not lose it!
It was stolen by a pickpocket.
A television set?
It was a teeny tiny, teeny weensy
Japanese television set.
The other employment you found was
in a fast-food joint, which lasted...
...28 minutes?
That's some kind of record.
Talk about fast.
Those people are crazy. They expect
you to learn that stuff in one day.
"Hold the lettuce. Hold the ketchup.
Can I have some sauce, please?"
- Mr. Gorman...
- "Two buns. No buns. Some cheese."
Mr. Gorman, the city of Metropolis
is generous to a fault but...
- I'm not the fault!
- 36 weeks of chronic unemployment.
of hard-working citizens.
- You know what you are?
- Don't call me a bum, I'm not a bum!
You are, I was about to say,
no longer eligible.
- Well, look...
- Next.
What about this week?
I need this week!
Next.
You mean, that's it?
"Finished," like "over"?
Next.
"Next" as in "bye."
Next!
Name.
Excuse me, brother,
can I have a light?
- How you doing, Alex?
- Hi, Jimmy.
Excuse me.
Say thank you.
Way to go, Superman!
Your drink is on its way.
Sir.
Excuse me...
...but what if you want to program two
bilateral coordinates at once?
You can't do that. It's impossible.
- But if you can't...
- Oh, no.
Computer technology is very advanced,
young lady, but it can't do that.
But if you think we can't
do it that way...
Good Lord.
How did you do that?
I don't know. I just did it.
- Who's this?
- That's him, Ross Webster.
They presented him with
the Humanitarian of the Year award.
He is good-looking.
Because I gave him f.2 at a 50th.
One thing I don't understand...
...the point of the story Lois wrote
is how Ross got this great honor...
...and you bring me one picture of him
and 15 pictures of her.
- Who is she?
- Lorelei Ambrosia. She's Webster's...
She's just Webster's.
Let's leave it at that.
- Who's this other woman?
- His sister, Vera Webster.
- Picture looks fuzzy.
- What?
The picture's fine, Chief.
She looks like that in real life.
- She's VP of WEBSCOE Industries.
- I really don't understand you.
A boring banquet and you bring me
Yet Superman saves a man from
drowning on Third Avenue...
...while you just stand there and
you don't bring me one picture!
Chief, I didn't have
my camera with me.
A photographer eats with his camera.
A photographer sleeps with his camera.
- I'm glad I'm a writer.
- Mr. White, please.
It's time for you to draw this month's
winning JINGO number.
Prize is an all-expenses trip
to South America.
- Why the idiot in circulation...
- Good morning.
- Hi, Clark.
- Hi, Lois. Morning, Jimmy.
You've got mustard on your lapel.
Mr. White, I hate to interrupt...
I'm busy.
I got a paper to get out here.
It'll never replace
the printing press.
- What's the number, Mr. White?
- 53.
- Mr. White...
- 53!
- Mr. White...
- You need to pull three more numbers.
I promised I'd call them back today.
What do you think?
- Well, I don't know, Kent...
- I think it'd make a terrific story.
What's a terrific story?
Kent's been invited
to his high school reunion.
- Say.
- Yeah.
Could we have the next number?
It's practically an American ritual.
Right, Jimmy?
I don't know. Most of the people
I know are still in high school.
What I thought this story
would be about...
- Is how the typical small town's
changed in the last 15 years.
Take me, for example:
Can I go back to middle America
now as a Metropolis sophisticate?
I'm really excited about this.
I was looking around...
...in my closet last night...
...and even found
my old high school sweater.
- Smallville.
- Mr. White.
Can I go ahead and
make my travel plan?
Same question about mine.
Tell your people the prodigal son and
his photographer are coming home.
Oh, gee, thanks, Mr. White.
It isn't easy for me to lose
one of my best reporters.
- That's okay.
- You deserve the vacation, Lois.
Thank you.
Lois, are you going someplace?
Clark, you know some people get to go
all the way to Smallville...
...and then there are others of us
who have to go to Bermuda.
Golly.
Bye.
- Have fun.
- Mr. White, the next number, please.
Well, I guess I better be going too.
So I'll be going.
Bye.
Could we get a computer to do this?
Hey, what is this?
First paycheck.
This is the first rip-off, man!
Supposed to get 225 a week, right?
This says, "$143.80."
How am I supposed to live on that?
State tax, federal tax,
social security tax...
So you still get some money
when you hit 65.
So I'm getting money when I... 65?
I want mine now!
I want to enjoy it while I'm young.
Get up and get down. Boogie.
Actually, it's probably more like
$143.80 and one half cent.
There are always fractions left over,
but big corporations round it down.
What do I do with half a cent?
Buy a thoroughbred mouse?
Everybody loses those fractions?
They don't lose them.
Can't lose what you never got.
Then what happens?
The company gets them?
They can't be bothered collecting that
from your paycheck any more than you.
Then what happens to them?
Well, they're just floating around
out there. The computers know where.
How many sugars?
One and a half.
It's quitting time. You coming?
Yeah. No, actually I got some
stuff to finish up so...
Working overtime, huh? What are you
doing, buddy? Looking for a raise?
Yeah, looking for a raise.
You bet.
But my Uncle Al on my father's side,
he won't eat her stuffing.
He says it should be on the outside
of the turkey but she puts it inside.
Aunt Helen's my father's half sister.
I told you that, right?
Yeah.
- And anyway...
- Hey, hey.
- Look at that.
- Wow!
Okay, your choice:
Turn back or pull over till it's over.
- How long?
- Can't tell with these fires.
I mean, that fire...
That's spreading like wildfire.
It's just a building burning.
It's not just a building.
It's a chemical plant.
You know what I mean.
It's like... It's like chemicals.
If that stuff goes up in smoke,
it'll be a hairy time around here.
- Clark.
- Yeah.
I want you to keep them distracted.
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
Remember what the chief said?
Photographer always
goes after a story.
That could be dangerous.
Danger goes with the territory,
Mr. Kent.
Help me!
Help me!
- How can I help?
- Get this man a helmet.
- Oh, it's you.
- How bad is it?
It's a nightmare. Everything's either
explosive or flammable or worse.
- Get the ladder truck.
- It won't reach.
My God, they're trapped!
What's he gonna do?
Fly them down one at a time?
Let's go! Everybody, down there!
Move it!
Come on! Hurry up!
There you go.
Right down there. Take it easy.
All right. Everybody down there!
Get out.
I'll show you the quickest way.
Look after the others.
I can't leave here.
- Why not?
- I have to look after those.
That's concentrated Beltric acid.
If it heats up over 180 degrees,
we've got a crisis...
...that'll make this fire
seem like a picnic.
What does it do?
As long as it remains stable,
it's just ordinary acid.
But if it begins to heat up,
it'll turn volatile.
You'll get a great cloud of smoke
that'll eat through anything.
Steel, concrete, anything.
Who the hell is that?
- Hey, you! Get off of there!
- Just gonna get a couple more shots.
Tell them to bring their hoses
back here! Quickly!
Help!
Help!
Help me!
Help! Somebody help me!
- Help!
- It's all right.
- Superman! My leg.
- I got you. Take it easy.
We'll go nice and easy.
Okay, I'm sorry.
All right? Here we go.
Medics! Over here, please.
That's it. Here you go.
Go easy. It's the left leg.
- Camera.
- Yeah.
It's a clean break across the fibula.
- My camera.
- Sorry, Jimmy. You'll be okay.
Get the fire out! Or there'll be
a cloud of acid all over the East.
- Christ, the pump house is gone!
- What?
- The pump house!
- We've lost the water pressure!
- We've got to have water!
- How?
Lake Comooga's five miles away!
We'd need a five-mile hose!
- Where's this lake?
- That way.
- Tell them it's hopeless.
- We had an adequate water supply.
Water!
I tell you, that man's a miracle!
Carol, you got gorgeous!
Look at you.
That was against Mid-City.
I'll never forget it.
Fourth quarter, score was tied...
...we're back at the 25 yard line.
Coach sends in play,
Right Flanker Option.
You really have grown, Clark.
You look very well, Miss Bannister.
I can't complain. I take the stairs
a little slow and I have these spells.
But really, I can't complain.
Lana?
Clark?
Would you excuse me? There's
someone I'd like to say hello to.
Lana?
- Lana Lang? It's great to see you.
- Clark.
- You look wonderful.
- Me? No, you look... Wow!
- Let me give you a hand with that.
- I can manage.
First time you've come back
since your mom passed away.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I heard that you and...
...Donald split up.
- Did you eat yet?
No.
Beg your pardon. Excuse me. Sorry.
- That's not right.
- No?
You're right about Donald and me...
Hold that.
Oh, sure.
- Hi, Kent.
- Oh.
Hi. How you doing?
I'm sorry. I'm going nuts.
- Clark.
- Yeah.
Lana.
Uh-oh.
Hey, sweet.
Here I am.
Remember when you were prom queen?
All us guys were waiting for a dance?
There's only one guy on your
dance card now. Good old...
Brad Wilson.
- Hi, Brad.
- Hi, Kent.
Long time no see.
You know, see, see, see?
- Come on, Lana.
- No, I can't.
Clark already asked me.
- I did?
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Lana, I haven't danced...
Ah, Gorman.
Another week, another check.
Don't you have another one for me?
I put in a voucher for expenses.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Here you go.
Thanks for helping me out.
A lot of guys would like
to be where I am.
You'd be surprised at how many offers
I didn't get. Even Brad didn't stay.
- It really isn't easy.
- The streamers? You just pull.
No, not streamers. Everything.
Not that I'm complaining.
It's just that...
...I don't know why, I just feel
like I can talk to you.
What?
I feel like I can talk to you!
- You can?
- Yes.
- You know something, Lana?
- What?
I always...
I always wished that you would.
I mean, even back in high school.
- Remember when you were...
- Queen of the prom.
Three years after the royal wedding,
the king abdicated.
Isn't that terrible?
- Yeah, sure is.
- There's a ton of potato salad left.
You know what the problem is?
Don't know, too much mayonnaise?
Donald loved mayonnaise.
Why would that be the problem?
No, the problem is,
why do I stay in Smallville?
I've asked myself that.
Do you know how lucky you are to live
in Metropolis? The Big Apricot.
- Well, you could...
- Easy to say. What about Ricky?
Ricky?
My little boy.
- You? Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
At least here we have a house and
I've got a job that pays the bills.
Except for last winter when
the fuel bills kept going up and up.
Yeah. Even had to pawn
my diamond ring then.
That's a shame.
You never got married?
- Me?
- Yeah.
Well, I was...
No. Not...
Years later you can look at
someone and think...
..."Well, I guess that's
the one that got away."
Give me that again, old buddy.
Run it by me just one more time.
- $85,000.
- Missing.
Embezzled, Mr. Webster.
Stolen from the firm.
By whom?
That's what I want to know.
By whom? Whom?
Vera, get ahold of yourself.
Nobody else ever will.
I don't know.
Whom?
In the old days, it was simple.
We kept books, we knew what was
going in and what was paid out.
If somebody wanted to rob you...
...they'd use a gun and say,
"Stick 'em up."
Now they get blasted computers
to do their dirty work.
My friend, you are yesterday.
Whoever pulled this caper,
is tomorrow.
Mr. Webster,
it's time for your massage.
Bubba, can she burst in...
Now, now, Vera. Simpson,
you know my psychic nutritionist?
- Hello.
- We are trying to hold a meeting here.
Why don't you hold your breath
instead? Maybe you'll turn blue.
- Improvement.
- I'm about to take a human life.
Simpson, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
- Mouths closed. Ears open.
- She's a big pig.
I can't have anyone with me
who isn't with me.
Now, girls.
Simpson.
Well, old chum. What now?
Kiss the 85 thou goodbye?
Keep on paying the thief his salary
until he shakes the money tree again?
- He's bound to slip sooner or later.
- Why?
That's what they always say
in the movies.
He won't slip up at all.
No, not at all.
He'll keep quietly taking
the bread from our mouths.
He'll keep a low profile and won't do
a thing to call attention to himself.
Unless, of course, he is
a complete and utter moron.
I'll go first. Andrew.
- I'll pick Chris.
- You feel good? You feel ready?
Ricky, your shoe.
- You mean, we've gotta take Ricky?
- You guys lost the toss.
All right, come on Ricky.
- Wait, wait...
- Come on, good luck.
- I just can't stand this.
- Oh, Lana. It'll be okay.
I know, I was a late bloomer myself.
It's not just that he's small, he's
the only kid in town without a father.
Oh, look. Stewed to the gills
in the middle of the afternoon.
- I only had chocolate milk.
- No, him.
Hey, sweet thing.
Little kid getting hassled, huh?
- Kent, you still here?
- I seem to be, Brad.
All he needs is a few pointers
from the old champ here.
I won the all-country bowling trophy
two years in a row.
I didn't know that.
Yeah. Natural athlete
can play any sport.
- It's all right. It'll be okay.
- He'll make it worse.
You watch, he'll get a spare.
Come on, Ricky.
Kid, you're holding it all wrong.
- Let old Brad show you how it's done.
- Brad.
Excuse me. Say, Brad, I think maybe
he'll be better off doing it his way.
For a guy lucky to be waterboy,
you've got a big mouth.
I don't think he needs a lesson
in front of the other kids.
- He needs a man to show him.
- He's doing just fine. Excuse me.
Here you go, Ricky.
And give it your best shot.
Okay? There you go.
Sorry.
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
Hey, Gus, the boss wants to see you.
He can see me all right.
Hello, Mr. Lewis.
No, not that boss. The boss.
You mean, the boss...
...wants to see me?
Oh, my God,
why would he want to see me?
I mean...
Why would the boss want to see me?
There's no reason.
Then why'd he?
Oh, I know!
It's my suggestion for
the volleyball uniforms.
That's it.
Ross the boss. Ross the boss.
The boss!
Be calm. Be cool. Be collected.
Mr. Webster? Mr. Webster?
Mr. Webster, I did not...
Mr. Webster.
Mr. August Gorman?
August Gorman here.
I know you're a man of compassion,
and I don't want to go to jail...
...because they have
robbers and rapists...
I just want to ask you one question.
You've been a naughty guy,
haven't you?
Come on, admit it, now.
You've been a little bit naughty,
haven't you?
- I was kind of...
- That's all right. I understand.
I can...
What do the young folks say today?
"Dig where you're coming from,
brother."
You want to be rich, right?
I was born rich. Never worn
the same pair of socks twice.
What do you do with your socks?
They're laundered and sent to
some charitable institution, I think.
I don't know.
Maybe they turn them into rags...
...or pen-wipers or something.
Or maybe socks.
Yes! That never occurred to me.
Gus, you know something?
You're a genius.
A naughty genius, but what the hell?
Nobody's perfect. Cheers.
Because of the half-cent thing
with the computers.
No, no, because computers rule
the world today.
The fellow that can fool the computers
can rule the world himself.
I've been searching for somebody
who can make these machines do...
...what they're not supposed to.
Get my drift?
Yes!
Webscoe, the Webscoe industrial
complex, is a family-owned cartel.
Some magnesium here,
some zinc there.
Railroads, farm machinery.
You follow?
I follow you, sir.
Gus, do you know what I want now?
I want coffee.
Black, cream, sugar, or?
No, you don't seem to understand.
Under different company names,
I control the price of coffee beans...
...in Venezuela, Brazil, Bolivia,
Jamaica and the Republic of Gabon.
But I've got a problem and I think
maybe you can help me.
One country won't play ball with me.
You know how that can bug a guy.
That could bug...
What country?
Colombia.
Colombia?
Colombia has two import and exports,
and one of them's coffee.
And I've tried to reason with them.
Believe me, I've tried.
But this one miserable,
pissant little country...
...has the gall to think it can
dictate the economy of an open market.
Gus, my friend...
...we're going to teach them
a lesson, aren't we?
Destroy the entire
Colombian coffee crop...
...right down to the last bean.
- The last bean, we are.
- Right.
But you got so much...
A wise man once said, I think
it was Attila the Hun:
"It is not enough that I succeed.
Everyone else must fail."
Seems fair.
- Gus.
- What?
You are going to do this for me.
- How?
- The weather.
You didn't say your mom was here.
I'm his sister. His baby sister.
Gus, tell me, have you ever
heard of Vulcan?
Hi, Ms. Vulcan.
Vulcan is the weather satellite
our government put up...
...to monitor the weather.
But if somebody were to reprogram it,
it could do much more.
It could make weather.
Storms and floods.
Blizzards, heat waves.
How do you do that?
Like everything else
in the 20th century, Gus.
You push buttons.
- There you go.
- It's the first time I won anything.
You won my hand, Maury.
But this is the first time
I won anything valuable.
Let's get one with the sombreros.
Mr. White, you'll be in this,
handing them their plane tickets.
- Why do I have to do this?
- Why do I have to do this?
You're lucky I didn't fire you.
I get a chance at exclusive photos...
...of history's biggest
factory fire.
He comes home with a broken leg
and 12 melted rolls of film.
It was hot.
Smile, Mr. White.
South America!
I can't believe my luck!
See, if you don't want them
to trace it back...
...you've gotta punch in
to some little rinky-dink outfit...
...that has a little
Mickey Mouse computer...
Someplace you can sneak into, right?
Somebody could...
Someplace where nobody knows him
so they can't connect him with us.
Webscoe has 112 subsidiaries.
They're all linked into
the central computer system.
How about someplace...
...small?
Whoa, there. This is Smallville.
We'll have a five-minute stop here.
Mind your step.
Watch your step, please.
Thanks, Selma.
Thanks a lot, Lana.
Have a good day, now.
Let me help you, Lana.
I'm sorry.
- Thanks, Clark.
- Sit down, Buster. Good boy.
Come on, Buster, sit down.
Good boy.
You all set? Great.
I'm not saying another word.
That's it.
Jesus Christ!
Don't they have picnics in Metropolis,
Mr. Kent?
Well, not quite like this, Ricky.
- Mom and I do this all the time.
- You do?
- I'll help you.
- Stay close by and be careful, okay?
Okay, Mom.
Come on, Buster. Let's find you
a rabbit. Come on. Rabbit.
This is so nice for him.
It's even nicer when there's
a man around, which isn't that often.
- There's a lot of choices.
- The good ones are married.
So Brad thinks he's
God's gift to women.
He won't take no for an answer,
but he's the only one asking.
No, Lana, I meant
there's a lot of choices here.
This is really quite some picnic.
There's...
...some of that.
Green stuff.
Hey, pt.
Boy, this pt is really unusual.
I didn't make any...
Oh, Clark.
That's Buster's dog food.
- It's good.
- Don't eat it!
What time's the dog eat?
- This is nice.
- Here.
It's all right, Lana.
Thanks.
Hey, where you going?
Come on!
Buster, stop messing about!
- How much longer?
- I thought...
- Sorry. No, go ahead.
- You.
I was just thinking that...
...somebody like you could do
really well in Metropolis.
I have to face it. I'm not gonna
find what I want in Smallville anymore.
Could I make it in Metropolis?
What would I do when I got there?
Call me.
- No, I wouldn't want to call you.
- You don't want to call?
Yes, I want to call you, but I
wouldn't want to be a nuisance to you.
I don't think you could ever
be a nuisance to me.
Clark, may I tell you something?
My oil pan is leaking.
There's something dripping.
- Can I help?
- No, thanks.
With all the car trouble I have,
I studied up on auto repair.
Look at this.
Oh, boy.
I think I'll just go see
if Ricky's all right. You okay?
Gosh, is he all right?
Superman?
That's me.
Mom! Mom!
There you go. He's all right,
but have a doctor check him.
Thank you.
- I'm Lana Lang. This is Ricky.
- Nice to meet you.
And this is Clark.
I really have to be going.
So long, Ricky. Bye.
We were flying, Mom!
What were you doing, anyway?
I was looking for Buster.
I found him!
Come on, boy. That's it.
Mr. Kent, Superman was here!
- What?
- Yes, he really was.
Aren't you excited?
I'm from Metropolis.
I see Superman every day.
You do? Could you get me
his autograph?
I don't know. If I had a nickel
for every time some little kid...
Yeah? What do you want?
We're in big trouble, aren't we?
- What?
- We're in big trouble.
First, they lost the invoice.
When they found it, they realized
they came up short on a few items.
So I rented a car because I missed the
plane from Cleveland. 4:00, you know.
And a flat tire on the highway.
What a kicker.
Had to fix it myself
with these little pinkies.
And I figured your boss was gonna be
real peeved, you know what I mean?
What do you mean?
He is going to hang our butts
against the wall.
He wanted this special order
installed...
...in his office by tomorrow morning.
So let me in because
I gotta set it up tonight.
Get all what set up?
Pal, you are a real lifesaver.
I mean, a real lifesaver.
- Which way's the office?
- Straight ahead.
- Follow me.
- I'm right behind you.
Not bad. It's pretty good.
You know what's wrong with
this Singapore... wing?
Sling! Singapore Sling.
What's wrong with it?
There's not enough vodka in it.
There's no vodka in it!
What did I tell you?
Put some vodka in it.
What did you... you know?
Here. There's vodka in it now, buddy.
Yeah, perfect.
- You never do pass out, do you?
- Nope.
Never.
Job well done, buddy.
You thought I was drunk too,
didn't you?
Fooled you.
Get the keys, get the keys.
Hello, baby!
How's the little baby?
All right, let's get down to it.
Let's do it.
One, two, button your shoe.
"Both keys at the same time"?
Wait. Wait a minute.
Think you've won, don't you?
The Philly Flash!
Okay, ready?
One, two, three!
We'll see what we'll see.
Come on, please.
There it is!
Hello! Now...
...getting down to business.
I am a genius.
I am a...
Longitude...
...and the other thing.
Latitude, right?
Oh, look, Maury.
A native wedding.
No one said at the Daily Planet
that this is the rainy season!
Meteorologists are baffled by
the tornado and rainstorms...
... that struck Colombia
this afternoon...
... threatening to destroy its entire
coffee crop for the next five years.
Gale force winds up to...
...an incredible 250 miles an hour
lashed the countryside...
...while 12 inches of rainfall have
already been recorded in just one day.
A spokesman for the Department of
Meteorology said, this was, I quote:
"The most awesome display of
natural forces since Noah's ark. "
If I laugh any harder,
I'll split my sides!
- To defy all laws of
weather systems known to science.
What a shame.
Poor little Colombia. Well...
I'm gonna get you for that,
you big silly!
Bubba, do you realize
what we're onto?
Do I?
Every time a drunk sobers up,
he'll drink Webster coffee.
Why stop at coffee?
A cup of coffee gets the world
off to work in the morning.
But what keeps the world working?
Diet soda?
Vera, you mean?
You mean?
Today, coffee.
Tomorrow...
...the oil!
- Oil?
- If Gus can push the right buttons...
I can have it all.
Holy cats!
All the oil.
All the pumps.
All the tankers.
This is some nifty idea, Vera.
- Boss?
- Very nifty.
- Just the man I want to see.
- It's not my fault.
Isn't it neat? There...
- What's not your fault?
- Superman.
How was I to know he'd start
doing his thing...
...when you started doing your thing?
- What are you talking about?
- What am I talk?
It was just on television, man.
Didn't you see it?
Don't call me "man."
I just saw Colombia bite the dust.
You didn't see the man come flying
out of the sky? It was him!
With his cape flapping in the...
His cape was flapping in the wind!
He was flying! He was great!
He was just flying around...
His cape was blowing in the wind.
It looked like a flag!
And he landed right in the middle
of this big plantation!
And he checked everything out
with his x-ray vision.
And then he put these laser beams
out of his eyes onto everything.
Straight-out laser points.
Dried up everything!
Just like that!
Dried it up,
like the machines in the men's rooms.
You know what I mean?
Hot air comes out when you put
your hands under.
Sometimes they don't work.
But Superman's works!
You think he stood around
to take bows? Not this man.
No, sir. He flies off again!
Then he saw what
really caused the trouble.
He flew into the tornado...
...went down to the bottom of it,
and turned it upside down!
He made the little end on top
and the big end on the bottom!
I was gonna go crazy!
Big end was on the bottom.
Mr. Ross, it was...
The big...
Superman's bad.
I'll say he was.
I mean, he was bad!
No.
Here, let me help.
- The perfect plan. Foolproof!
- And we were the fools.
It's not my fault.
I did what I was supposed to do.
He ruined it.
That lousy do-gooder ruined it.
Now that he's pulled off this stunt,
he'll try and ruin my oil scheme too.
- I've got to get rid of him.
- How?
Shoot him?
You know about him and bullets.
- Kryptonite.
- What?
Or krypton-ham, or krypton-heimer?
I forget what you call it,
but it's stuff that can hurt Superman.
- How do you know?
- I know a few things.
I know,
from the graffiti I saw.
Wait a second.
She's right.
I remember reading about it
in an interview with him.
Where is it from?
The planet Superman came from:
Krypton.
Where is Krypton?
It's nowhere.
It blew up in space, years ago.
They sent Superman here from there
when he was just a baby.
I know some things too.
Wait a minute. You know what happens
when a planet explodes.
- Debris. Things floating in space.
- So?
So all we have to do is find out
where in heaven Krypton used to be.
Then good ol' Gus contacts
the Vulcan satellite.
OI' Gus has been doing some thinking.
That's why I keep you around.
I've been thinking that I'm not making
enough money for this gig.
Gus, if there's anything I hate...
...it's greed.
Greed? Mr. Ross, just a minute.
Let me tell you something.
I can't ski!
Once Gus contacts
the Vulcan satellite...
... he orders it to search
through space...
... around where Krypton
went bye-bye.
Then the laser probe locks
onto a floating chunk of Kryptonite.
The computer analyzes
the components...
... and the boys at the lab
duplicate the stuff down here.
"Unknown"?
"Unknown"?
What the hell,
he ain't gonna smoke it.
Mr. White can't be responsible.
Where is he?
Please, Mr. Stokis.
He'll pay for this.
Get out your wallet!
Good morning.
Don't you "good morning" me.
"Old, old relationships
suddenly seem very much the same.
The prettiest girl in the school..."
- is still the prettiest girl
in the school.
- Hello?
- Hello. Oh, hi, Clark.
Lana! Hi, I was just
thinking about you.
Listen, I have a problem with Ricky.
What happened to Ricky?
It's Superman's autograph you got him.
He got carried away...
...and told the kids Superman was
coming on his birthday.
Okay, it was wrong...
...but when Wednesday comes
and Superman doesn't show up...
Lana, in this case I think I can go
ahead and speak for Superman.
I mean, he and I are
pretty close.
You can tell Ricky that Superman
will be there on Wednesday, all right?
Well, he's gonna get the best
home-cooked meal he's had...
...in a long time.
Tell Superman we think
he's wonderful.
All right.
- But, Clark...
- Yeah?
...you're the best.
And I'll take it to
the Supreme Court if I have to.
But it wasn't our fault.
It was an act of God.
In a church?
Hey!
Here's that compound you ordered.
Can't imagine what you want with it.
But you got it.
What the hell am I afraid for?
I'm from Earth.
I really wasn't expecting all this.
I guess they did get
a little carried away.
Superman, we all know...
...that you're not looking for
honors and awards.
But when we heard that you were
coming to see your pal Ricky...
...we realized that this was
our chance to say thank you.
First, for putting out
the Lake Camooga fire.
And not least, for saving
little Ricky.
So since you already have
the key to our hearts...
...Superman...
...may I present you
with the key to the city.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
As you were.
Now listen up.
I just came in directly...
...from the Pentagon...
...and you better believe there's
a damn good reason that I did.
Because God has given us...
...one of the greatest gifts
in the world:
Chemicals.
Now you people, you like to go sit
in church on Sunday, don't you?
You like to sit and watch
the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Sit on what?!
You sit on molded, plastic seats!
Molded to your well-fed behinds.
Now, I don't have to tell you
that America leads the world...
...in high-grade plastics.
We cannot afford...
...a chemical-plastics gap.
Now, listen to me.
Do you want...
...our president of the United States
sitting down...
...to write a peace treaty...
...and have his ballpoint pen
bust open...
...and the ink run out all over
his nice, clean pants...
...in front of the world leaders?
No. No.
Now, we all know...
...that last week, half of
this great nation of ours...
...almost bit the bullet...
...if it wasn't for this man here.
And all I can say is,
thank the Lord for Superman.
Superman, you saved our bacon...
...and I'd like to show our gratitude.
This is a small token of our
appreciation...
...to show to you for saving us
from a chemical plant disaster.
Thank you very much, general.
This is very nice. Thank you.
It's very nice.
Unknown. How am I supposed to know
what "unknown" means?
It means unknown. It means
nobody knows what it means.
- Hello, boss?
- Gus?
- Gus Gorman here.
- I know that. How did it go?
You know how they're always trying to
find the secret recipe...
...in that chicken in the bucket?
And nobody seems to know
the ingredient...
...because it's unknown, right?
In the Kryptonite there was an unknown
element and Superman didn't die.
He didn't die.
I ask you to kill Superman...
...and you're telling me you couldn't
even do that one simple thing.
Hello?
He hasn't had an afternoon nap
for years.
This is the biggest day of his life.
I don't know how to thank you.
You did with that wonderful lunch.
Oh, well, I do like to cook.
- You'll take some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- Decaffeinated, of course.
- Right.
Hello? Yes.
What?
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's here.
I'll tell him. Okay, thanks.
Bye-bye.
That was my friend Betty.
There's an accident on the bridge.
A trailer crashed through the rail.
It's hanging off the bridge
and the driver's in the cab.
I'm sorry.
I hate to make you rush off.
Well, there's no rush.
But the bridge...
It's okay.
I always get there on time.
Come on, let's relax a little.
It's unusual, finding a good-looking
girl like you alone like this.
Listen, are you sure you shouldn't
do something about the bridge?
What bridge?
You're right.
I have to get going.
Get him out of there. Come on.
Get him out quick!
Get him away. That thing's gonna go.
Everybody okay?
What can I do to help?
Not much of anything now.
If only you'd gotten here
a minute sooner.
"At a special session
of the General Assembly...
...178 countries voted
to censure Superman...
...with only Colombia abstaining."
I can tell you one thing.
He wasn't so mean and nasty
the other day in Smallville.
In fact, he was so full of niceness...
...I hated laying
that big chunk of...
Kryptonite.
Don't you see? That stuff we ran off
in the lab wasn't a failure after all.
Right after Gus gave it to him,
he started to turn into...
...an ornery, evil, malicious,
selfish...
- A normal person.
- Yes.
And now that Superman is out
of the nice-guy business...
We can get to work on that oil.
And now, the supreme moment,
as the last runner...
... the one given the great honor
of lighting the ceremonial flame...
... runs the last leg of a marathon
that began seven days ago...
... as this torch has been passed
from athlete to athlete...
... for 970 miles...
... across the country.
How can he say that pure categories
have no objective meaning...
...in transcendental logic?
What about synthetic unity?
Hi, honey! Am I in your way?
Stick around, you might
learn something.
Hi, Lorelei.
All the oil tankers in the world
are controlled by computers.
They tell them where to go,
how much oil to pick up...
...and where to deliver it.
Don't they have captains
on these ships?
Yes, but they don't need to.
That's a throwback to some
sentimental, seafaring baloney.
You will command the tankers to sail
toward a 50-mile area...
...in the middle of
the Atlantic Ocean.
And do what?
And do nothing.
Just sit there.
How are all the people
gonna get their oil?
You catch on fast, old buddy.
Every oil pump in America is run by...
- Computers. I know.
- Will you stop interrupting?!
I'm sorry.
You will command the pumps
to stop pumping.
Then I want you to program
one special command...
...into all these systems.
Tell them these orders
are irreversible.
So it would be impossible
for anybody to switch them back.
Can you do this for me, old buddy?
Old pal?
You know, you get your way
all the time.
And it's not right.
I want to know when I get a taste.
I think you've already had
a taste of freedom, haven't you?
Or would you prefer jail?
You can't run that jail number on me.
Because I know I mean more to you
out here doing things for you...
...than sitting in jail
doing nothing for nobody.
I see.
What do you want?
What? A waste basket?
No. These are plans.
Blueprints.
- For what?
- A computer.
- We've already got computers.
- No, not like this.
There's not a computer like this
in the whole world, anyplace.
It doesn't exist.
You see...
...we have to build it.
What will it do?
Anything I tell it.
What will it do for me?
For you? It will do anything you
tell me to tell it to do for you.
Tell me.
First of all, if anyone attacks
this machine or anything...
...the computer counterattacks it.
It finds their witnesses
and wipes them out.
Right, old buddy.
You deal with my oil
and I'll build you your machine.
Okay, I'll do it.
But I'm not so sure about
this irreversible business.
They all kind of went...
What the hell?
That's it. The last tanker.
They're all mine now.
All mine.
Not quite.
What's that in
the upper-middle quadrant?
It's a tanker.
And it's going the wrong way.
Skipper?
There it is again.
"Proceed immediately to...
...latitude 30 north,
longitude 45 west.
There await further orders."
Hell, that's the middle
of the Atlantic.
I'm not taking my ship there
to "await further orders"...
...no matter what that says.
We're supposed to go to Metropolis,
and we're going to Metropolis.
All right.
That's where she is.
Come on, get it up there.
Miss?
Miss, can you hear me?
Listen, we are here to help you.
Don't jump. I repeat, do not jump!
Thought you'd never come.
Don't expect me to save you.
I don't do that anymore.
Don't worry.
I'm long past saving.
Don't let me keep you from anything.
I'm not in a rush.
What did you have in mind?
Lots of things.
Oh, yeah?
If you'll just do me
one little favor first.
What's that?
See, there's this little boat...
...and it's not going where
it's supposed to go and...
Stop all engines!
Stop all engines!
Hi.
How about a little aprs-ski?
Champagne?
Take your turn like everybody else!
Stop it!
He's coming over here, Martha.
Don't you do that!
Hit him with your handbag!
Help me! Please, help me.
Somebody's beating up my husband.
- I've gotta call the police.
- Jack, go with her, okay?
The third one today,
and at night it's worse.
Somebody's behind this.
You can't say there's no oil.
You can't say someone's
not getting rich off this.
Someone's always getting rich.
You know who suffers?
The small guy.
The east coast gets the brunt
of the spill.
No, I cannot go out with you tonight.
I'm busy tomorrow night too.
Oh, yeah? Doing what?
I'll think of something. Look...
...I gotta go. Ricky needs me.
Brad, please stop calling me.
I've told you!
Well, you listen to me, huh?
You better start appreciating
ol' Brad.
What else you got in Smallville?
What else have I got in Smallville?
I think I got the right answer.
So do I.
Smallville Airport, what flights
do you have to Metropolis tomorrow?
- Where do I put this?
- Over there.
- Where do you want this?
- Load it up there.
Just leave him alone.
I can't get through.
Something's happening.
Hey, look! Superman's drunk!
I want to see what's happening here.
- Thank you.
- It's a disgrace, that's what.
Nobody's ever gonna trust
that creep again.
He's washed up.
What are you looking at? Huh?
Excuse me. Superman?
It's me, Ricky.
Ricky from Smallville.
Tell them you won't hurt anybody!
He's changed.
No! Maybe he's just sick.
Superman, please get better!
He's not listening to you.
Yes, he is. He can hear me.
He's got super-hearing.
Superman, you're just in a slump!
You'll be great again!
You can do it, Superman!
Superman, you can hear me, can't you?
Superman, you're just in a slump.
You'll be great again.
You can do it, Superman.
He's gone nuts!
Come on!
I can give as good as I get.
Yeah? All right, come on!
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
What's the matter, Kent?
Too warm for you, huh?
Come on, chicken! Come and get me.
You've been on my nerves
a long time!
You always wanted to fly, Kent.
Now's your chance.
Skipper!
God, would you look at that!
Miss Lorelei Ambrosia
isn't at home right now.
But if you'd care
to leave a message...
... why not deliver it to her...
... in person?
So you've finally shown
your true colors.
Well, if you're looking for us,
here's where you'll find us.
Do drop in.
This is fun!
Fun? The fun's just starting.
Wait till Superman finds us,
then you'll see some fun.
Wait, you gonna mess with Superman?
Let's go. I want to be ready for him
when he falls into our trap.
I just don't see why you can't
balloon down like the rest of us.
Well...
No way. Uh-uh.
I just don't believe a man can fly.
Watch out, horsy!
Don't, don't, don't.
Just don't try to fly.
Don't try to fly!
Will you get out of my way!
- Hurry! Hurry up!
- I am hurrying.
- I can't see anything.
- Turn on the light.
- Where's the light switch?
- Where do you usually find it?
I don't know.
I guess I'll check the doorway.
God, it's pitch-black in here.
Oh, that's better.
Wow, what a jukebox!
I told you, didn't I?
There. The ultimate computer!
It does everything a computer can do
and 1000 things none of them can!
Let's give it a dry run.
Wait. We've gotta wait for Gus.
Who needs Gus?
- Only he can operate it.
- Like fish, he is!
I know enough about computers
to put a Ph.D. To shame.
Come now, brother dear,
you didn't think...
...I'd let that little man
run the show, did you?
Why don't peons tidy up
when they're done?
Come on, Bubba, it's showtime.
Engage those buttons to
activate the alpha circuit...
...and lock the modular grid.
You! Activate circuits
...and start full-power coordinates
on exterior defensive systems.
In other words, push this red button.
How did you know about that?
He's here!
Let's give him
something to worry about.
Now, let's see...
Tracking systems locked.
Let the games begin.
Don't tense up now, honey.
Come on, Bubba,
you're wasting your rockets.
Come on, Superman!
Let him have it, Ross.
Bubba, keep firing.
Keep him occupied
while I get the MX ready.
What the hell is going on?
Keep your rockets coming. He won't
notice the missile till too late!
So much for your catlike reflexes.
Oh, God!
No more. Look, you sit.
Sit, sit!
Help!
Hello!
Get to, jackass!
That's him out of the way.
Sis, how would you like to control
all the world's weapons systems?
Baby!
It's Daddy!
Hey, what are you doing with my baby?
Gus, old buddy, genius.
Come up and join the fun.
He's still coming.
Arm the inner defenses.
All right, the game's over.
Hi, honey.
I don't know you, lady.
But the other night...
I'm sorry, but that wasn't me.
That guy's gone.
And you're next, Webster.
Never underestimate
the power of computers.
How do you like it?
I think it's typical
of people like you, Webster.
Instead of helping others,
you four just help yourselves.
Four...
...of you?
You mean, us? Four? Wait...
Hey, man!
That's only his last name.
He likes to be called "Superman."
See, I'm not with them, Superman.
You could've fooled me.
That's very good.
Let's see how long
he can carry on without any air.
He's still coming!
He's going to get me!
Don't bet on it!
You're hurting him.
- That's Kryptonite!
- Yes.
- This time we got it right!
- You're a genius.
You've invented a machine
that can find anybody's weak spot.
Congratulations, old buddy.
You'll go down in history
as the man who killed Superman!
I'm... No.
Superman!
No!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Never mind.
- Turn the power up.
- Don't you think he's had enough?
Turn it up!
Power! More power!
Seventy-five. Current 7.75.
There's a current level of 7
that is not supposed to be on bar...
Oh, here it is!
What's going on?
I don't know. The power's gone.
Gus must have pulled the plug out.
It worked.
It worked! I got it!
What have you got?
- Give me that screw.
- This screw?
- That screw.
- Never!
What?
Holy!
No! Make it stop!
I can't! It's out of control!
But how?
Where's it getting the power from?
It's feeding itself.
It wants to live!
It's this thing here.
We'll go to the zoo.
I'll do that tomorrow,
and then we'll go on to the...
- What's happening?
- It's okay, Ricky.
Put the lights on!
Stop it! You're killing him!
Stop it!
Hey. Put me down!
Don't leave us alone
in here! Superman!
Oh, I get it.
The coaxial energy shaft is engaging
the grid source factor. Right.
We're through, pugface.
I'm splitting.
Hey, wait a minute!
Girls. Girls, come out of there!
Sis?
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Sis, it's your Bubba!
Help me. Help!
Superman!
Honey!
Honey, I'm stuck here! Help!
What about me?
Look out!
Bubba?
Thank you, brother.
Regular or premium?
She hasn't had a drink in so long,
give her a tankful of the good stuff.
How you doing?
Please don't talk to me.
I'm having enough trouble hanging on.
Okay, we'll go slow.
You're perfectly safe.
I won't argue with you.
Any man who can trick my machine
can do anything.
How did you beat my defenses?
Those defenses are good as long as
it didn't know it's in trouble.
This time it didn't see the danger.
I went in with plain old acid.
It didn't know that when acid gets hot,
it'll eat through anything.
Watch the trees.
I guess it died of acid indigestion.
But what's gonna happen
to Ross and the ladies?
They'll have to see the police.
It's not your problem anymore.
Are we in Metropolis yet?
Nope. I'm just gonna make
a little stop. Right over there.
We're on the ground, Gus.
- You okay, Supe?
- I'm fine.
Excuse me.
Can you guys spare one of these?
- Sure, Superman.
- It is Superman, isn't it?
Are you kidding? Is that?
Didn't you see us fly out of the sky?
We're the only two men who can fly.
"Is it Superman?"
Just right.
Okay, let's go.
I was afraid you'd say that.
I thought I'd take the bus.
Well, suit yourself.
Does your boss have a computer here?
Yeah, he got a little bitty one
about that big.
You tell him he can do a lot worse
than to give Gus Gorman here a job.
Wow, thank you, Supe.
Take care.
I'll see you around.
So long.
Take it easy, man.
Well, you got good references,
so if you want that job...
Nah, this is not for me.
I think I'll take that bus.
Where's the bus station?
Yeah, about 9, 10 miles
over there.
Nine or 10 miles.
Hey. You really flew with him?
Superman?
Have you ever seen Superman before?
Oh, you don't know about me and him?
Me and Superman?
Yeah, we go way back together.
We always, usually, sometimes, we...
Nine or 10 miles?
I think I'll walk.
Yeah, I'll walk.
Clark.
What a nice surprise! Come in.
Hi, Mr. Kent.
- Guess who Mom's having dinner with?
- Who?
Superman!
Yeah, that's what I came to tell you.
Superman said to tell you he's sorry...
...but he's run into a problem
and he can't make dinner with you.
I guess he misses a lot of dinners.
Would you mind settling for me?
Any day.
I'll get my things.
Lana, I was talking
to Superman the other day.
You know, he and I, we talk a lot.
He felt badly about you having
to pawn your diamond ring.
Well, he found...
He found this one just lying around.
He wanted you to have this.
Wow, a ring from Superman!
- It's okay. I got it.
- Sorry.
- Oh, Clark.
- It's okay.
It fits.
It looks really pretty.
Thank you.
Brad.
Son of a bitch.
Kent, I hate you.
I've always hated you.
- You know why?
- No.
- Because you're nice.
- Not really.
And nice guys finish last.
Lois, I've got to hand it to you.
Who else could turn
a vacation into a story...
...that'll blow the lid off
of corruption in the Caribbean?
I knew I was onto something
when that taxi driver kidnapped me.
Lois, you're terrific.
I have to be.
Seems I've got some new competition.
The story that you wrote
on the class reunion?
- I thought it was terrific.
- Thanks.
And fascinating. I liked the part
about the little girl back home.
I'll take you to lunch
and you tell me about it.
I'd love to, but I'm having lunch
with Mr. White's new secretary.
- Hi, Lana.
- Hi, Clark.
Lois, say hello to Lana Lang.
Smallville's newest gift to Metropolis.
Glad to meet you.
I like your writing a lot.
Thank you.
I like your sparkler a lot.
Me too. I couldn't believe it
when Clark gave it to me.
Clark gave it to you?
Mr. White.
Mr. White, look what I've got for you.
People, I am in love
with this machine!
Excuse me, but I have a couple
of errands to run before lunch.
- Go ahead, Mr. White.
- Where's the handle?
There is no handle.
You just push the button.
Come on, come on.
Next.
Name.
Gus Gorman.
Ah, yes. August Gorman.
Have you looked for work this week?
- Yes.
- What kind?
- Kitchen technician.
- Dishwasher. Any luck?
No, but...
According to our records,
you have been unemployed for 36 weeks.
No, it's 35.
Not counting this week.
You secured employment in June as a
messenger and were discharged after...
...one day for...
- No, they said I lost it.
I did not lose it!
It was stolen by a pickpocket.
A television set?
It was a teeny tiny, teeny weensy
Japanese television set.
The other employment you found was
in a fast-food joint, which lasted...
...28 minutes?
That's some kind of record.
Talk about fast.
Those people are crazy. They expect
you to learn that stuff in one day.
"Hold the lettuce. Hold the ketchup.
Can I have some sauce, please?"
- Mr. Gorman...
- "Two buns. No buns. Some cheese."
Mr. Gorman, the city of Metropolis
is generous to a fault but...
- I'm not the fault!
- 36 weeks of chronic unemployment.
of hard-working citizens.
- You know what you are?
- Don't call me a bum, I'm not a bum!
You are, I was about to say,
no longer eligible.
- Well, look...
- Next.
What about this week?
I need this week!
Next.
You mean, that's it?
"Finished," like "over"?
Next.
"Next" as in "bye."
Next!
Name.
Excuse me, brother,
can I have a light?
- How you doing, Alex?
- Hi, Jimmy.
Excuse me.
Say thank you.
Way to go, Superman!
Your drink is on its way.
Sir.
Excuse me...
...but what if you want to program two
bilateral coordinates at once?
You can't do that. It's impossible.
- But if you can't...
- Oh, no.
Computer technology is very advanced,
young lady, but it can't do that.
But if you think we can't
do it that way...
Good Lord.
How did you do that?
I don't know. I just did it.
- Who's this?
- That's him, Ross Webster.
They presented him with
the Humanitarian of the Year award.
He is good-looking.
Because I gave him f.2 at a 50th.
One thing I don't understand...
...the point of the story Lois wrote
is how Ross got this great honor...
...and you bring me one picture of him
and 15 pictures of her.
- Who is she?
- Lorelei Ambrosia. She's Webster's...
She's just Webster's.
Let's leave it at that.
- Who's this other woman?
- His sister, Vera Webster.
- Picture looks fuzzy.
- What?
The picture's fine, Chief.
She looks like that in real life.
- She's VP of WEBSCOE Industries.
- I really don't understand you.
A boring banquet and you bring me
Yet Superman saves a man from
drowning on Third Avenue...
...while you just stand there and
you don't bring me one picture!
Chief, I didn't have
my camera with me.
A photographer eats with his camera.
A photographer sleeps with his camera.
- I'm glad I'm a writer.
- Mr. White, please.
It's time for you to draw this month's
winning JINGO number.
Prize is an all-expenses trip
to South America.
- Why the idiot in circulation...
- Good morning.
- Hi, Clark.
- Hi, Lois. Morning, Jimmy.
You've got mustard on your lapel.
Mr. White, I hate to interrupt...
I'm busy.
I got a paper to get out here.
It'll never replace
the printing press.
- What's the number, Mr. White?
- 53.
- Mr. White...
- 53!
- Mr. White...
- You need to pull three more numbers.
I promised I'd call them back today.
What do you think?
- Well, I don't know, Kent...
- I think it'd make a terrific story.
What's a terrific story?
Kent's been invited
to his high school reunion.
- Say.
- Yeah.
Could we have the next number?
It's practically an American ritual.
Right, Jimmy?
I don't know. Most of the people
I know are still in high school.
What I thought this story
would be about...
- Is how the typical small town's
changed in the last 15 years.
Take me, for example:
Can I go back to middle America
now as a Metropolis sophisticate?
I'm really excited about this.
I was looking around...
...in my closet last night...
...and even found
my old high school sweater.
- Smallville.
- Mr. White.
Can I go ahead and
make my travel plan?
Same question about mine.
Tell your people the prodigal son and
his photographer are coming home.
Oh, gee, thanks, Mr. White.
It isn't easy for me to lose
one of my best reporters.
- That's okay.
- You deserve the vacation, Lois.
Thank you.
Lois, are you going someplace?
Clark, you know some people get to go
all the way to Smallville...
...and then there are others of us
who have to go to Bermuda.
Golly.
Bye.
- Have fun.
- Mr. White, the next number, please.
Well, I guess I better be going too.
So I'll be going.
Bye.
Could we get a computer to do this?
Hey, what is this?
First paycheck.
This is the first rip-off, man!
Supposed to get 225 a week, right?
This says, "$143.80."
How am I supposed to live on that?
State tax, federal tax,
social security tax...
So you still get some money
when you hit 65.
So I'm getting money when I... 65?
I want mine now!
I want to enjoy it while I'm young.
Get up and get down. Boogie.
Actually, it's probably more like
$143.80 and one half cent.
There are always fractions left over,
but big corporations round it down.
What do I do with half a cent?
Buy a thoroughbred mouse?
Everybody loses those fractions?
They don't lose them.
Can't lose what you never got.
Then what happens?
The company gets them?
They can't be bothered collecting that
from your paycheck any more than you.
Then what happens to them?
Well, they're just floating around
out there. The computers know where.
How many sugars?
One and a half.
It's quitting time. You coming?
Yeah. No, actually I got some
stuff to finish up so...
Working overtime, huh? What are you
doing, buddy? Looking for a raise?
Yeah, looking for a raise.
You bet.
But my Uncle Al on my father's side,
he won't eat her stuffing.
He says it should be on the outside
of the turkey but she puts it inside.
Aunt Helen's my father's half sister.
I told you that, right?
Yeah.
- And anyway...
- Hey, hey.
- Look at that.
- Wow!
Okay, your choice:
Turn back or pull over till it's over.
- How long?
- Can't tell with these fires.
I mean, that fire...
That's spreading like wildfire.
It's just a building burning.
It's not just a building.
It's a chemical plant.
You know what I mean.
It's like... It's like chemicals.
If that stuff goes up in smoke,
it'll be a hairy time around here.
- Clark.
- Yeah.
I want you to keep them distracted.
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
Remember what the chief said?
Photographer always
goes after a story.
That could be dangerous.
Danger goes with the territory,
Mr. Kent.
Help me!
Help me!
- How can I help?
- Get this man a helmet.
- Oh, it's you.
- How bad is it?
It's a nightmare. Everything's either
explosive or flammable or worse.
- Get the ladder truck.
- It won't reach.
My God, they're trapped!
What's he gonna do?
Fly them down one at a time?
Let's go! Everybody, down there!
Move it!
Come on! Hurry up!
There you go.
Right down there. Take it easy.
All right. Everybody down there!
Get out.
I'll show you the quickest way.
Look after the others.
I can't leave here.
- Why not?
- I have to look after those.
That's concentrated Beltric acid.
If it heats up over 180 degrees,
we've got a crisis...
...that'll make this fire
seem like a picnic.
What does it do?
As long as it remains stable,
it's just ordinary acid.
But if it begins to heat up,
it'll turn volatile.
You'll get a great cloud of smoke
that'll eat through anything.
Steel, concrete, anything.
Who the hell is that?
- Hey, you! Get off of there!
- Just gonna get a couple more shots.
Tell them to bring their hoses
back here! Quickly!
Help!
Help!
Help me!
Help! Somebody help me!
- Help!
- It's all right.
- Superman! My leg.
- I got you. Take it easy.
We'll go nice and easy.
Okay, I'm sorry.
All right? Here we go.
Medics! Over here, please.
That's it. Here you go.
Go easy. It's the left leg.
- Camera.
- Yeah.
It's a clean break across the fibula.
- My camera.
- Sorry, Jimmy. You'll be okay.
Get the fire out! Or there'll be
a cloud of acid all over the East.
- Christ, the pump house is gone!
- What?
- The pump house!
- We've lost the water pressure!
- We've got to have water!
- How?
Lake Comooga's five miles away!
We'd need a five-mile hose!
- Where's this lake?
- That way.
- Tell them it's hopeless.
- We had an adequate water supply.
Water!
I tell you, that man's a miracle!
Carol, you got gorgeous!
Look at you.
That was against Mid-City.
I'll never forget it.
Fourth quarter, score was tied...
...we're back at the 25 yard line.
Coach sends in play,
Right Flanker Option.
You really have grown, Clark.
You look very well, Miss Bannister.
I can't complain. I take the stairs
a little slow and I have these spells.
But really, I can't complain.
Lana?
Clark?
Would you excuse me? There's
someone I'd like to say hello to.
Lana?
- Lana Lang? It's great to see you.
- Clark.
- You look wonderful.
- Me? No, you look... Wow!
- Let me give you a hand with that.
- I can manage.
First time you've come back
since your mom passed away.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I heard that you and...
...Donald split up.
- Did you eat yet?
No.
Beg your pardon. Excuse me. Sorry.
- That's not right.
- No?
You're right about Donald and me...
Hold that.
Oh, sure.
- Hi, Kent.
- Oh.
Hi. How you doing?
I'm sorry. I'm going nuts.
- Clark.
- Yeah.
Lana.
Uh-oh.
Hey, sweet.
Here I am.
Remember when you were prom queen?
All us guys were waiting for a dance?
There's only one guy on your
dance card now. Good old...
Brad Wilson.
- Hi, Brad.
- Hi, Kent.
Long time no see.
You know, see, see, see?
- Come on, Lana.
- No, I can't.
Clark already asked me.
- I did?
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Lana, I haven't danced...
Ah, Gorman.
Another week, another check.
Don't you have another one for me?
I put in a voucher for expenses.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
Here you go.
Thanks for helping me out.
A lot of guys would like
to be where I am.
You'd be surprised at how many offers
I didn't get. Even Brad didn't stay.
- It really isn't easy.
- The streamers? You just pull.
No, not streamers. Everything.
Not that I'm complaining.
It's just that...
...I don't know why, I just feel
like I can talk to you.
What?
I feel like I can talk to you!
- You can?
- Yes.
- You know something, Lana?
- What?
I always...
I always wished that you would.
I mean, even back in high school.
- Remember when you were...
- Queen of the prom.
Three years after the royal wedding,
the king abdicated.
Isn't that terrible?
- Yeah, sure is.
- There's a ton of potato salad left.
You know what the problem is?
Don't know, too much mayonnaise?
Donald loved mayonnaise.
Why would that be the problem?
No, the problem is,
why do I stay in Smallville?
I've asked myself that.
Do you know how lucky you are to live
in Metropolis? The Big Apricot.
- Well, you could...
- Easy to say. What about Ricky?
Ricky?
My little boy.
- You? Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
At least here we have a house and
I've got a job that pays the bills.
Except for last winter when
the fuel bills kept going up and up.
Yeah. Even had to pawn
my diamond ring then.
That's a shame.
You never got married?
- Me?
- Yeah.
Well, I was...
No. Not...
Years later you can look at
someone and think...
..."Well, I guess that's
the one that got away."
Give me that again, old buddy.
Run it by me just one more time.
- $85,000.
- Missing.
Embezzled, Mr. Webster.
Stolen from the firm.
By whom?
That's what I want to know.
By whom? Whom?
Vera, get ahold of yourself.
Nobody else ever will.
I don't know.
Whom?
In the old days, it was simple.
We kept books, we knew what was
going in and what was paid out.
If somebody wanted to rob you...
...they'd use a gun and say,
"Stick 'em up."
Now they get blasted computers
to do their dirty work.
My friend, you are yesterday.
Whoever pulled this caper,
is tomorrow.
Mr. Webster,
it's time for your massage.
Bubba, can she burst in...
Now, now, Vera. Simpson,
you know my psychic nutritionist?
- Hello.
- We are trying to hold a meeting here.
Why don't you hold your breath
instead? Maybe you'll turn blue.
- Improvement.
- I'm about to take a human life.
Simpson, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
- Mouths closed. Ears open.
- She's a big pig.
I can't have anyone with me
who isn't with me.
Now, girls.
Simpson.
Well, old chum. What now?
Kiss the 85 thou goodbye?
Keep on paying the thief his salary
until he shakes the money tree again?
- He's bound to slip sooner or later.
- Why?
That's what they always say
in the movies.
He won't slip up at all.
No, not at all.
He'll keep quietly taking
the bread from our mouths.
He'll keep a low profile and won't do
a thing to call attention to himself.
Unless, of course, he is
a complete and utter moron.
I'll go first. Andrew.
- I'll pick Chris.
- You feel good? You feel ready?
Ricky, your shoe.
- You mean, we've gotta take Ricky?
- You guys lost the toss.
All right, come on Ricky.
- Wait, wait...
- Come on, good luck.
- I just can't stand this.
- Oh, Lana. It'll be okay.
I know, I was a late bloomer myself.
It's not just that he's small, he's
the only kid in town without a father.
Oh, look. Stewed to the gills
in the middle of the afternoon.
- I only had chocolate milk.
- No, him.
Hey, sweet thing.
Little kid getting hassled, huh?
- Kent, you still here?
- I seem to be, Brad.
All he needs is a few pointers
from the old champ here.
I won the all-country bowling trophy
two years in a row.
I didn't know that.
Yeah. Natural athlete
can play any sport.
- It's all right. It'll be okay.
- He'll make it worse.
You watch, he'll get a spare.
Come on, Ricky.
Kid, you're holding it all wrong.
- Let old Brad show you how it's done.
- Brad.
Excuse me. Say, Brad, I think maybe
he'll be better off doing it his way.
For a guy lucky to be waterboy,
you've got a big mouth.
I don't think he needs a lesson
in front of the other kids.
- He needs a man to show him.
- He's doing just fine. Excuse me.
Here you go, Ricky.
And give it your best shot.
Okay? There you go.
Sorry.
Gesundheit.
Thank you.
Hey, Gus, the boss wants to see you.
He can see me all right.
Hello, Mr. Lewis.
No, not that boss. The boss.
You mean, the boss...
...wants to see me?
Oh, my God,
why would he want to see me?
I mean...
Why would the boss want to see me?
There's no reason.
Then why'd he?
Oh, I know!
It's my suggestion for
the volleyball uniforms.
That's it.
Ross the boss. Ross the boss.
The boss!
Be calm. Be cool. Be collected.
Mr. Webster? Mr. Webster?
Mr. Webster, I did not...
Mr. Webster.
Mr. August Gorman?
August Gorman here.
I know you're a man of compassion,
and I don't want to go to jail...
...because they have
robbers and rapists...
I just want to ask you one question.
You've been a naughty guy,
haven't you?
Come on, admit it, now.
You've been a little bit naughty,
haven't you?
- I was kind of...
- That's all right. I understand.
I can...
What do the young folks say today?
"Dig where you're coming from,
brother."
You want to be rich, right?
I was born rich. Never worn
the same pair of socks twice.
What do you do with your socks?
They're laundered and sent to
some charitable institution, I think.
I don't know.
Maybe they turn them into rags...
...or pen-wipers or something.
Or maybe socks.
Yes! That never occurred to me.
Gus, you know something?
You're a genius.
A naughty genius, but what the hell?
Nobody's perfect. Cheers.
Because of the half-cent thing
with the computers.
No, no, because computers rule
the world today.
The fellow that can fool the computers
can rule the world himself.
I've been searching for somebody
who can make these machines do...
...what they're not supposed to.
Get my drift?
Yes!
Webscoe, the Webscoe industrial
complex, is a family-owned cartel.
Some magnesium here,
some zinc there.
Railroads, farm machinery.
You follow?
I follow you, sir.
Gus, do you know what I want now?
I want coffee.
Black, cream, sugar, or?
No, you don't seem to understand.
Under different company names,
I control the price of coffee beans...
...in Venezuela, Brazil, Bolivia,
Jamaica and the Republic of Gabon.
But I've got a problem and I think
maybe you can help me.
One country won't play ball with me.
You know how that can bug a guy.
That could bug...
What country?
Colombia.
Colombia?
Colombia has two import and exports,
and one of them's coffee.
And I've tried to reason with them.
Believe me, I've tried.
But this one miserable,
pissant little country...
...has the gall to think it can
dictate the economy of an open market.
Gus, my friend...
...we're going to teach them
a lesson, aren't we?
Destroy the entire
Colombian coffee crop...
...right down to the last bean.
- The last bean, we are.
- Right.
But you got so much...
A wise man once said, I think
it was Attila the Hun:
"It is not enough that I succeed.
Everyone else must fail."
Seems fair.
- Gus.
- What?
You are going to do this for me.
- How?
- The weather.
You didn't say your mom was here.
I'm his sister. His baby sister.
Gus, tell me, have you ever
heard of Vulcan?
Hi, Ms. Vulcan.
Vulcan is the weather satellite
our government put up...
...to monitor the weather.
But if somebody were to reprogram it,
it could do much more.
It could make weather.
Storms and floods.
Blizzards, heat waves.
How do you do that?
Like everything else
in the 20th century, Gus.
You push buttons.
- There you go.
- It's the first time I won anything.
You won my hand, Maury.
But this is the first time
I won anything valuable.
Let's get one with the sombreros.
Mr. White, you'll be in this,
handing them their plane tickets.
- Why do I have to do this?
- Why do I have to do this?
You're lucky I didn't fire you.
I get a chance at exclusive photos...
...of history's biggest
factory fire.
He comes home with a broken leg
and 12 melted rolls of film.
It was hot.
Smile, Mr. White.
South America!
I can't believe my luck!
See, if you don't want them
to trace it back...
...you've gotta punch in
to some little rinky-dink outfit...
...that has a little
Mickey Mouse computer...
Someplace you can sneak into, right?
Somebody could...
Someplace where nobody knows him
so they can't connect him with us.
Webscoe has 112 subsidiaries.
They're all linked into
the central computer system.
How about someplace...
...small?
Whoa, there. This is Smallville.
We'll have a five-minute stop here.
Mind your step.
Watch your step, please.
Thanks, Selma.
Thanks a lot, Lana.
Have a good day, now.
Let me help you, Lana.
I'm sorry.
- Thanks, Clark.
- Sit down, Buster. Good boy.
Come on, Buster, sit down.
Good boy.
You all set? Great.
I'm not saying another word.
That's it.
Jesus Christ!
Don't they have picnics in Metropolis,
Mr. Kent?
Well, not quite like this, Ricky.
- Mom and I do this all the time.
- You do?
- I'll help you.
- Stay close by and be careful, okay?
Okay, Mom.
Come on, Buster. Let's find you
a rabbit. Come on. Rabbit.
This is so nice for him.
It's even nicer when there's
a man around, which isn't that often.
- There's a lot of choices.
- The good ones are married.
So Brad thinks he's
God's gift to women.
He won't take no for an answer,
but he's the only one asking.
No, Lana, I meant
there's a lot of choices here.
This is really quite some picnic.
There's...
...some of that.
Green stuff.
Hey, pt.
Boy, this pt is really unusual.
I didn't make any...
Oh, Clark.
That's Buster's dog food.
- It's good.
- Don't eat it!
What time's the dog eat?
- This is nice.
- Here.
It's all right, Lana.
Thanks.
Hey, where you going?
Come on!
Buster, stop messing about!
- How much longer?
- I thought...
- Sorry. No, go ahead.
- You.
I was just thinking that...
...somebody like you could do
really well in Metropolis.
I have to face it. I'm not gonna
find what I want in Smallville anymore.
Could I make it in Metropolis?
What would I do when I got there?
Call me.
- No, I wouldn't want to call you.
- You don't want to call?
Yes, I want to call you, but I
wouldn't want to be a nuisance to you.
I don't think you could ever
be a nuisance to me.
Clark, may I tell you something?
My oil pan is leaking.
There's something dripping.
- Can I help?
- No, thanks.
With all the car trouble I have,
I studied up on auto repair.
Look at this.
Oh, boy.
I think I'll just go see
if Ricky's all right. You okay?
Gosh, is he all right?
Superman?
That's me.
Mom! Mom!
There you go. He's all right,
but have a doctor check him.
Thank you.
- I'm Lana Lang. This is Ricky.
- Nice to meet you.
And this is Clark.
I really have to be going.
So long, Ricky. Bye.
We were flying, Mom!
What were you doing, anyway?
I was looking for Buster.
I found him!
Come on, boy. That's it.
Mr. Kent, Superman was here!
- What?
- Yes, he really was.
Aren't you excited?
I'm from Metropolis.
I see Superman every day.
You do? Could you get me
his autograph?
I don't know. If I had a nickel
for every time some little kid...
Yeah? What do you want?
We're in big trouble, aren't we?
- What?
- We're in big trouble.
First, they lost the invoice.
When they found it, they realized
they came up short on a few items.
So I rented a car because I missed the
plane from Cleveland. 4:00, you know.
And a flat tire on the highway.
What a kicker.
Had to fix it myself
with these little pinkies.
And I figured your boss was gonna be
real peeved, you know what I mean?
What do you mean?
He is going to hang our butts
against the wall.
He wanted this special order
installed...
...in his office by tomorrow morning.
So let me in because
I gotta set it up tonight.
Get all what set up?
Pal, you are a real lifesaver.
I mean, a real lifesaver.
- Which way's the office?
- Straight ahead.
- Follow me.
- I'm right behind you.
Not bad. It's pretty good.
You know what's wrong with
this Singapore... wing?
Sling! Singapore Sling.
What's wrong with it?
There's not enough vodka in it.
There's no vodka in it!
What did I tell you?
Put some vodka in it.
What did you... you know?
Here. There's vodka in it now, buddy.
Yeah, perfect.
- You never do pass out, do you?
- Nope.
Never.
Job well done, buddy.
You thought I was drunk too,
didn't you?
Fooled you.
Get the keys, get the keys.
Hello, baby!
How's the little baby?
All right, let's get down to it.
Let's do it.
One, two, button your shoe.
"Both keys at the same time"?
Wait. Wait a minute.
Think you've won, don't you?
The Philly Flash!
Okay, ready?
One, two, three!
We'll see what we'll see.
Come on, please.
There it is!
Hello! Now...
...getting down to business.
I am a genius.
I am a...
Longitude...
...and the other thing.
Latitude, right?
Oh, look, Maury.
A native wedding.
No one said at the Daily Planet
that this is the rainy season!
Meteorologists are baffled by
the tornado and rainstorms...
... that struck Colombia
this afternoon...
... threatening to destroy its entire
coffee crop for the next five years.
Gale force winds up to...
...an incredible 250 miles an hour
lashed the countryside...
...while 12 inches of rainfall have
already been recorded in just one day.
A spokesman for the Department of
Meteorology said, this was, I quote:
"The most awesome display of
natural forces since Noah's ark. "
If I laugh any harder,
I'll split my sides!
- To defy all laws of
weather systems known to science.
What a shame.
Poor little Colombia. Well...
I'm gonna get you for that,
you big silly!
Bubba, do you realize
what we're onto?
Do I?
Every time a drunk sobers up,
he'll drink Webster coffee.
Why stop at coffee?
A cup of coffee gets the world
off to work in the morning.
But what keeps the world working?
Diet soda?
Vera, you mean?
You mean?
Today, coffee.
Tomorrow...
...the oil!
- Oil?
- If Gus can push the right buttons...
I can have it all.
Holy cats!
All the oil.
All the pumps.
All the tankers.
This is some nifty idea, Vera.
- Boss?
- Very nifty.
- Just the man I want to see.
- It's not my fault.
Isn't it neat? There...
- What's not your fault?
- Superman.
How was I to know he'd start
doing his thing...
...when you started doing your thing?
- What are you talking about?
- What am I talk?
It was just on television, man.
Didn't you see it?
Don't call me "man."
I just saw Colombia bite the dust.
You didn't see the man come flying
out of the sky? It was him!
With his cape flapping in the...
His cape was flapping in the wind!
He was flying! He was great!
He was just flying around...
His cape was blowing in the wind.
It looked like a flag!
And he landed right in the middle
of this big plantation!
And he checked everything out
with his x-ray vision.
And then he put these laser beams
out of his eyes onto everything.
Straight-out laser points.
Dried up everything!
Just like that!
Dried it up,
like the machines in the men's rooms.
You know what I mean?
Hot air comes out when you put
your hands under.
Sometimes they don't work.
But Superman's works!
You think he stood around
to take bows? Not this man.
No, sir. He flies off again!
Then he saw what
really caused the trouble.
He flew into the tornado...
...went down to the bottom of it,
and turned it upside down!
He made the little end on top
and the big end on the bottom!
I was gonna go crazy!
Big end was on the bottom.
Mr. Ross, it was...
The big...
Superman's bad.
I'll say he was.
I mean, he was bad!
No.
Here, let me help.
- The perfect plan. Foolproof!
- And we were the fools.
It's not my fault.
I did what I was supposed to do.
He ruined it.
That lousy do-gooder ruined it.
Now that he's pulled off this stunt,
he'll try and ruin my oil scheme too.
- I've got to get rid of him.
- How?
Shoot him?
You know about him and bullets.
- Kryptonite.
- What?
Or krypton-ham, or krypton-heimer?
I forget what you call it,
but it's stuff that can hurt Superman.
- How do you know?
- I know a few things.
I know,
from the graffiti I saw.
Wait a second.
She's right.
I remember reading about it
in an interview with him.
Where is it from?
The planet Superman came from:
Krypton.
Where is Krypton?
It's nowhere.
It blew up in space, years ago.
They sent Superman here from there
when he was just a baby.
I know some things too.
Wait a minute. You know what happens
when a planet explodes.
- Debris. Things floating in space.
- So?
So all we have to do is find out
where in heaven Krypton used to be.
Then good ol' Gus contacts
the Vulcan satellite.
OI' Gus has been doing some thinking.
That's why I keep you around.
I've been thinking that I'm not making
enough money for this gig.
Gus, if there's anything I hate...
...it's greed.
Greed? Mr. Ross, just a minute.
Let me tell you something.
I can't ski!
Once Gus contacts
the Vulcan satellite...
... he orders it to search
through space...
... around where Krypton
went bye-bye.
Then the laser probe locks
onto a floating chunk of Kryptonite.
The computer analyzes
the components...
... and the boys at the lab
duplicate the stuff down here.
"Unknown"?
"Unknown"?
What the hell,
he ain't gonna smoke it.
Mr. White can't be responsible.
Where is he?
Please, Mr. Stokis.
He'll pay for this.
Get out your wallet!
Good morning.
Don't you "good morning" me.
"Old, old relationships
suddenly seem very much the same.
The prettiest girl in the school..."
- is still the prettiest girl
in the school.
- Hello?
- Hello. Oh, hi, Clark.
Lana! Hi, I was just
thinking about you.
Listen, I have a problem with Ricky.
What happened to Ricky?
It's Superman's autograph you got him.
He got carried away...
...and told the kids Superman was
coming on his birthday.
Okay, it was wrong...
...but when Wednesday comes
and Superman doesn't show up...
Lana, in this case I think I can go
ahead and speak for Superman.
I mean, he and I are
pretty close.
You can tell Ricky that Superman
will be there on Wednesday, all right?
Well, he's gonna get the best
home-cooked meal he's had...
...in a long time.
Tell Superman we think
he's wonderful.
All right.
- But, Clark...
- Yeah?
...you're the best.
And I'll take it to
the Supreme Court if I have to.
But it wasn't our fault.
It was an act of God.
In a church?
Hey!
Here's that compound you ordered.
Can't imagine what you want with it.
But you got it.
What the hell am I afraid for?
I'm from Earth.
I really wasn't expecting all this.
I guess they did get
a little carried away.
Superman, we all know...
...that you're not looking for
honors and awards.
But when we heard that you were
coming to see your pal Ricky...
...we realized that this was
our chance to say thank you.
First, for putting out
the Lake Camooga fire.
And not least, for saving
little Ricky.
So since you already have
the key to our hearts...
...Superman...
...may I present you
with the key to the city.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
As you were.
Now listen up.
I just came in directly...
...from the Pentagon...
...and you better believe there's
a damn good reason that I did.
Because God has given us...
...one of the greatest gifts
in the world:
Chemicals.
Now you people, you like to go sit
in church on Sunday, don't you?
You like to sit and watch
the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Sit on what?!
You sit on molded, plastic seats!
Molded to your well-fed behinds.
Now, I don't have to tell you
that America leads the world...
...in high-grade plastics.
We cannot afford...
...a chemical-plastics gap.
Now, listen to me.
Do you want...
...our president of the United States
sitting down...
...to write a peace treaty...
...and have his ballpoint pen
bust open...
...and the ink run out all over
his nice, clean pants...
...in front of the world leaders?
No. No.
Now, we all know...
...that last week, half of
this great nation of ours...
...almost bit the bullet...
...if it wasn't for this man here.
And all I can say is,
thank the Lord for Superman.
Superman, you saved our bacon...
...and I'd like to show our gratitude.
This is a small token of our
appreciation...
...to show to you for saving us
from a chemical plant disaster.
Thank you very much, general.
This is very nice. Thank you.
It's very nice.
Unknown. How am I supposed to know
what "unknown" means?
It means unknown. It means
nobody knows what it means.
- Hello, boss?
- Gus?
- Gus Gorman here.
- I know that. How did it go?
You know how they're always trying to
find the secret recipe...
...in that chicken in the bucket?
And nobody seems to know
the ingredient...
...because it's unknown, right?
In the Kryptonite there was an unknown
element and Superman didn't die.
He didn't die.
I ask you to kill Superman...
...and you're telling me you couldn't
even do that one simple thing.
Hello?
He hasn't had an afternoon nap
for years.
This is the biggest day of his life.
I don't know how to thank you.
You did with that wonderful lunch.
Oh, well, I do like to cook.
- You'll take some coffee?
- Yes, please.
- Decaffeinated, of course.
- Right.
Hello? Yes.
What?
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's here.
I'll tell him. Okay, thanks.
Bye-bye.
That was my friend Betty.
There's an accident on the bridge.
A trailer crashed through the rail.
It's hanging off the bridge
and the driver's in the cab.
I'm sorry.
I hate to make you rush off.
Well, there's no rush.
But the bridge...
It's okay.
I always get there on time.
Come on, let's relax a little.
It's unusual, finding a good-looking
girl like you alone like this.
Listen, are you sure you shouldn't
do something about the bridge?
What bridge?
You're right.
I have to get going.
Get him out of there. Come on.
Get him out quick!
Get him away. That thing's gonna go.
Everybody okay?
What can I do to help?
Not much of anything now.
If only you'd gotten here
a minute sooner.
"At a special session
of the General Assembly...
...178 countries voted
to censure Superman...
...with only Colombia abstaining."
I can tell you one thing.
He wasn't so mean and nasty
the other day in Smallville.
In fact, he was so full of niceness...
...I hated laying
that big chunk of...
Kryptonite.
Don't you see? That stuff we ran off
in the lab wasn't a failure after all.
Right after Gus gave it to him,
he started to turn into...
...an ornery, evil, malicious,
selfish...
- A normal person.
- Yes.
And now that Superman is out
of the nice-guy business...
We can get to work on that oil.
And now, the supreme moment,
as the last runner...
... the one given the great honor
of lighting the ceremonial flame...
... runs the last leg of a marathon
that began seven days ago...
... as this torch has been passed
from athlete to athlete...
... for 970 miles...
... across the country.
How can he say that pure categories
have no objective meaning...
...in transcendental logic?
What about synthetic unity?
Hi, honey! Am I in your way?
Stick around, you might
learn something.
Hi, Lorelei.
All the oil tankers in the world
are controlled by computers.
They tell them where to go,
how much oil to pick up...
...and where to deliver it.
Don't they have captains
on these ships?
Yes, but they don't need to.
That's a throwback to some
sentimental, seafaring baloney.
You will command the tankers to sail
toward a 50-mile area...
...in the middle of
the Atlantic Ocean.
And do what?
And do nothing.
Just sit there.
How are all the people
gonna get their oil?
You catch on fast, old buddy.
Every oil pump in America is run by...
- Computers. I know.
- Will you stop interrupting?!
I'm sorry.
You will command the pumps
to stop pumping.
Then I want you to program
one special command...
...into all these systems.
Tell them these orders
are irreversible.
So it would be impossible
for anybody to switch them back.
Can you do this for me, old buddy?
Old pal?
You know, you get your way
all the time.
And it's not right.
I want to know when I get a taste.
I think you've already had
a taste of freedom, haven't you?
Or would you prefer jail?
You can't run that jail number on me.
Because I know I mean more to you
out here doing things for you...
...than sitting in jail
doing nothing for nobody.
I see.
What do you want?
What? A waste basket?
No. These are plans.
Blueprints.
- For what?
- A computer.
- We've already got computers.
- No, not like this.
There's not a computer like this
in the whole world, anyplace.
It doesn't exist.
You see...
...we have to build it.
What will it do?
Anything I tell it.
What will it do for me?
For you? It will do anything you
tell me to tell it to do for you.
Tell me.
First of all, if anyone attacks
this machine or anything...
...the computer counterattacks it.
It finds their witnesses
and wipes them out.
Right, old buddy.
You deal with my oil
and I'll build you your machine.
Okay, I'll do it.
But I'm not so sure about
this irreversible business.
They all kind of went...
What the hell?
That's it. The last tanker.
They're all mine now.
All mine.
Not quite.
What's that in
the upper-middle quadrant?
It's a tanker.
And it's going the wrong way.
Skipper?
There it is again.
"Proceed immediately to...
...latitude 30 north,
longitude 45 west.
There await further orders."
Hell, that's the middle
of the Atlantic.
I'm not taking my ship there
to "await further orders"...
...no matter what that says.
We're supposed to go to Metropolis,
and we're going to Metropolis.
All right.
That's where she is.
Come on, get it up there.
Miss?
Miss, can you hear me?
Listen, we are here to help you.
Don't jump. I repeat, do not jump!
Thought you'd never come.
Don't expect me to save you.
I don't do that anymore.
Don't worry.
I'm long past saving.
Don't let me keep you from anything.
I'm not in a rush.
What did you have in mind?
Lots of things.
Oh, yeah?
If you'll just do me
one little favor first.
What's that?
See, there's this little boat...
...and it's not going where
it's supposed to go and...
Stop all engines!
Stop all engines!
Hi.
How about a little aprs-ski?
Champagne?
Take your turn like everybody else!
Stop it!
He's coming over here, Martha.
Don't you do that!
Hit him with your handbag!
Help me! Please, help me.
Somebody's beating up my husband.
- I've gotta call the police.
- Jack, go with her, okay?
The third one today,
and at night it's worse.
Somebody's behind this.
You can't say there's no oil.
You can't say someone's
not getting rich off this.
Someone's always getting rich.
You know who suffers?
The small guy.
The east coast gets the brunt
of the spill.
No, I cannot go out with you tonight.
I'm busy tomorrow night too.
Oh, yeah? Doing what?
I'll think of something. Look...
...I gotta go. Ricky needs me.
Brad, please stop calling me.
I've told you!
Well, you listen to me, huh?
You better start appreciating
ol' Brad.
What else you got in Smallville?
What else have I got in Smallville?
I think I got the right answer.
So do I.
Smallville Airport, what flights
do you have to Metropolis tomorrow?
- Where do I put this?
- Over there.
- Where do you want this?
- Load it up there.
Just leave him alone.
I can't get through.
Something's happening.
Hey, look! Superman's drunk!
I want to see what's happening here.
- Thank you.
- It's a disgrace, that's what.
Nobody's ever gonna trust
that creep again.
He's washed up.
What are you looking at? Huh?
Excuse me. Superman?
It's me, Ricky.
Ricky from Smallville.
Tell them you won't hurt anybody!
He's changed.
No! Maybe he's just sick.
Superman, please get better!
He's not listening to you.
Yes, he is. He can hear me.
He's got super-hearing.
Superman, you're just in a slump!
You'll be great again!
You can do it, Superman!
Superman, you can hear me, can't you?
Superman, you're just in a slump.
You'll be great again.
You can do it, Superman.
He's gone nuts!
Come on!
I can give as good as I get.
Yeah? All right, come on!
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
What's the matter, Kent?
Too warm for you, huh?
Come on, chicken! Come and get me.
You've been on my nerves
a long time!
You always wanted to fly, Kent.
Now's your chance.
Skipper!
God, would you look at that!
Miss Lorelei Ambrosia
isn't at home right now.
But if you'd care
to leave a message...
... why not deliver it to her...
... in person?
So you've finally shown
your true colors.
Well, if you're looking for us,
here's where you'll find us.
Do drop in.
This is fun!
Fun? The fun's just starting.
Wait till Superman finds us,
then you'll see some fun.
Wait, you gonna mess with Superman?
Let's go. I want to be ready for him
when he falls into our trap.
I just don't see why you can't
balloon down like the rest of us.
Well...
No way. Uh-uh.
I just don't believe a man can fly.
Watch out, horsy!
Don't, don't, don't.
Just don't try to fly.
Don't try to fly!
Will you get out of my way!
- Hurry! Hurry up!
- I am hurrying.
- I can't see anything.
- Turn on the light.
- Where's the light switch?
- Where do you usually find it?
I don't know.
I guess I'll check the doorway.
God, it's pitch-black in here.
Oh, that's better.
Wow, what a jukebox!
I told you, didn't I?
There. The ultimate computer!
It does everything a computer can do
and 1000 things none of them can!
Let's give it a dry run.
Wait. We've gotta wait for Gus.
Who needs Gus?
- Only he can operate it.
- Like fish, he is!
I know enough about computers
to put a Ph.D. To shame.
Come now, brother dear,
you didn't think...
...I'd let that little man
run the show, did you?
Why don't peons tidy up
when they're done?
Come on, Bubba, it's showtime.
Engage those buttons to
activate the alpha circuit...
...and lock the modular grid.
You! Activate circuits
...and start full-power coordinates
on exterior defensive systems.
In other words, push this red button.
How did you know about that?
He's here!
Let's give him
something to worry about.
Now, let's see...
Tracking systems locked.
Let the games begin.
Don't tense up now, honey.
Come on, Bubba,
you're wasting your rockets.
Come on, Superman!
Let him have it, Ross.
Bubba, keep firing.
Keep him occupied
while I get the MX ready.
What the hell is going on?
Keep your rockets coming. He won't
notice the missile till too late!
So much for your catlike reflexes.
Oh, God!
No more. Look, you sit.
Sit, sit!
Help!
Hello!
Get to, jackass!
That's him out of the way.
Sis, how would you like to control
all the world's weapons systems?
Baby!
It's Daddy!
Hey, what are you doing with my baby?
Gus, old buddy, genius.
Come up and join the fun.
He's still coming.
Arm the inner defenses.
All right, the game's over.
Hi, honey.
I don't know you, lady.
But the other night...
I'm sorry, but that wasn't me.
That guy's gone.
And you're next, Webster.
Never underestimate
the power of computers.
How do you like it?
I think it's typical
of people like you, Webster.
Instead of helping others,
you four just help yourselves.
Four...
...of you?
You mean, us? Four? Wait...
Hey, man!
That's only his last name.
He likes to be called "Superman."
See, I'm not with them, Superman.
You could've fooled me.
That's very good.
Let's see how long
he can carry on without any air.
He's still coming!
He's going to get me!
Don't bet on it!
You're hurting him.
- That's Kryptonite!
- Yes.
- This time we got it right!
- You're a genius.
You've invented a machine
that can find anybody's weak spot.
Congratulations, old buddy.
You'll go down in history
as the man who killed Superman!
I'm... No.
Superman!
No!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Never mind.
- Turn the power up.
- Don't you think he's had enough?
Turn it up!
Power! More power!
Seventy-five. Current 7.75.
There's a current level of 7
that is not supposed to be on bar...
Oh, here it is!
What's going on?
I don't know. The power's gone.
Gus must have pulled the plug out.
It worked.
It worked! I got it!
What have you got?
- Give me that screw.
- This screw?
- That screw.
- Never!
What?
Holy!
No! Make it stop!
I can't! It's out of control!
But how?
Where's it getting the power from?
It's feeding itself.
It wants to live!
It's this thing here.
We'll go to the zoo.
I'll do that tomorrow,
and then we'll go on to the...
- What's happening?
- It's okay, Ricky.
Put the lights on!
Stop it! You're killing him!
Stop it!
Hey. Put me down!
Don't leave us alone
in here! Superman!
Oh, I get it.
The coaxial energy shaft is engaging
the grid source factor. Right.
We're through, pugface.
I'm splitting.
Hey, wait a minute!
Girls. Girls, come out of there!
Sis?
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Sis, it's your Bubba!
Help me. Help!
Superman!
Honey!
Honey, I'm stuck here! Help!
What about me?
Look out!
Bubba?
Thank you, brother.
Regular or premium?
She hasn't had a drink in so long,
give her a tankful of the good stuff.
How you doing?
Please don't talk to me.
I'm having enough trouble hanging on.
Okay, we'll go slow.
You're perfectly safe.
I won't argue with you.
Any man who can trick my machine
can do anything.
How did you beat my defenses?
Those defenses are good as long as
it didn't know it's in trouble.
This time it didn't see the danger.
I went in with plain old acid.
It didn't know that when acid gets hot,
it'll eat through anything.
Watch the trees.
I guess it died of acid indigestion.
But what's gonna happen
to Ross and the ladies?
They'll have to see the police.
It's not your problem anymore.
Are we in Metropolis yet?
Nope. I'm just gonna make
a little stop. Right over there.
We're on the ground, Gus.
- You okay, Supe?
- I'm fine.
Excuse me.
Can you guys spare one of these?
- Sure, Superman.
- It is Superman, isn't it?
Are you kidding? Is that?
Didn't you see us fly out of the sky?
We're the only two men who can fly.
"Is it Superman?"
Just right.
Okay, let's go.
I was afraid you'd say that.
I thought I'd take the bus.
Well, suit yourself.
Does your boss have a computer here?
Yeah, he got a little bitty one
about that big.
You tell him he can do a lot worse
than to give Gus Gorman here a job.
Wow, thank you, Supe.
Take care.
I'll see you around.
So long.
Take it easy, man.
Well, you got good references,
so if you want that job...
Nah, this is not for me.
I think I'll take that bus.
Where's the bus station?
Yeah, about 9, 10 miles
over there.
Nine or 10 miles.
Hey. You really flew with him?
Superman?
Have you ever seen Superman before?
Oh, you don't know about me and him?
Me and Superman?
Yeah, we go way back together.
We always, usually, sometimes, we...
Nine or 10 miles?
I think I'll walk.
Yeah, I'll walk.
Clark.
What a nice surprise! Come in.
Hi, Mr. Kent.
- Guess who Mom's having dinner with?
- Who?
Superman!
Yeah, that's what I came to tell you.
Superman said to tell you he's sorry...
...but he's run into a problem
and he can't make dinner with you.
I guess he misses a lot of dinners.
Would you mind settling for me?
Any day.
I'll get my things.
Lana, I was talking
to Superman the other day.
You know, he and I, we talk a lot.
He felt badly about you having
to pawn your diamond ring.
Well, he found...
He found this one just lying around.
He wanted you to have this.
Wow, a ring from Superman!
- It's okay. I got it.
- Sorry.
- Oh, Clark.
- It's okay.
It fits.
It looks really pretty.
Thank you.
Brad.
Son of a bitch.
Kent, I hate you.
I've always hated you.
- You know why?
- No.
- Because you're nice.
- Not really.
And nice guys finish last.
Lois, I've got to hand it to you.
Who else could turn
a vacation into a story...
...that'll blow the lid off
of corruption in the Caribbean?
I knew I was onto something
when that taxi driver kidnapped me.
Lois, you're terrific.
I have to be.
Seems I've got some new competition.
The story that you wrote
on the class reunion?
- I thought it was terrific.
- Thanks.
And fascinating. I liked the part
about the little girl back home.
I'll take you to lunch
and you tell me about it.
I'd love to, but I'm having lunch
with Mr. White's new secretary.
- Hi, Lana.
- Hi, Clark.
Lois, say hello to Lana Lang.
Smallville's newest gift to Metropolis.
Glad to meet you.
I like your writing a lot.
Thank you.
I like your sparkler a lot.
Me too. I couldn't believe it
when Clark gave it to me.
Clark gave it to you?
Mr. White.
Mr. White, look what I've got for you.
People, I am in love
with this machine!
Excuse me, but I have a couple
of errands to run before lunch.
- Go ahead, Mr. White.
- Where's the handle?
There is no handle.
You just push the button.