The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984) Movie Script
Launch control is having trouble
verifying mass acceleration.
Team Banzai rotational supervisor,
please confirm.
I want an electromagnetic
fuel reading from the launch.
We are T minus seven zero and holding.
Antigravity inertia reversal crosscheck.
Can we have a photographic
printout to the bunker?
T minus six zero three and holding.
Phaser positive. Latch compressor.
Multistage
axial compressor... latched.
Fuel pressure... 1800 torrs.
Commence pullback to
the launch sequence. Clear the launch.
Specific density is 2.5. Over.
You're kidding. He's still at the hospital?
Banzai hasn't showed yet, Mr Secretary.
Looks like he's got cold feet.
Well, better go see what's
keeping the boss, Reno.
Why me?
Cos I'm busy.
May I have the curved Yasargil, please?
It's not here, Dr Banzai.
Ah, let me have the straight one then.
See, this is the part where for me
it started looking like a problem.
I mean, I wanted to sacrifice the precentral
vein in order to get some exposure.
But because of this guy's normal variation,
I got excited and all the sudden I didn't know
whether I was looking at the precentral vein or one
of the internal cerebro veins or the Vein of Galen
or the Basilar vein of Rosenthal, so one my own me at
this point I was ready to say "That's it, let's get out".
See, you can check
your anatomy all you want,
and even though there may be normal
variation, if you get right down to it,
this far inside the head,
it all looks the same.
No, no, no. Don't tug on that.
You never know what it might be attached to.
This is control.
02 vents are closed. Looks good.
Dr Banzai is using the laser
to vaporise a pineal tumour
without damaging
the quadrigeminal plate.
Subcutaneous microphone gonna
allow the patient to transmit
verbal instructions to his own brain.
- Like "Raise my left arm"?
- Or "Throw the harpoon".
People are gonna come from all over.
This boy's an Eskimo.
You ever thought about
joining me full time?
What do you mean? You serious?
Do you have an opening?
Uh-huh. Can you sing?
A little. Yeah. I can dance.
Hey, it's Buckaroo.
We have Buckaroo descending.
We have him on the launch parameter.
Inertial control positive.
T minus five four five. Resume counting.
Hey, hey, Rawhide!
All systems righteous.
Professor Hikita says we have a go.
I'm teeing off in an hour and a half.
What's this jalopy supposed to do anyway?
- 500 miles an hour, General.
- Oh, Senator, you're so gullible.
Please clear the launch grid.
Please clear the launch grid.
HB 88, this is control.
Driver's door check secure.
...B, C, D, E...
- Clear the area!
Control, this is HB 88.
Commander's voice check. Over.
Roger, HB 88. Read you. Out.
Control, this is HB 88.
Event timer started. Over.
HB 88, this is control.
APU start is go.
You are on your
on-board computer. Over.
Roger, I copy.
- Altimeters? Compasses?
- Set and crosschecked.
- Reserve brake system two?
- Closed and guarded.
- Gear handle?
- Down and in.
- Throttles and start levers?
- Closed, off.
- Number four electric hydraulic pump and press?
- On and checked.
- Parking brake?
- Set. Press checked.
- Radios, radar and transponder?
- Set and stand by.
HB 88, this is control.
IMU alignment in progress.
We show 28 degrees, 36 minutes.
30.32 seconds north...
by 80 degrees, 36 minutes.
- 14.8 seconds west.
HB 88, this is control.
Ground crew secure. Over.
- INS ram coordinates.
- Form one, fuel ticket?
- On board.
- Circuit breakers?
Point of no return. Five, four, three...
- We have main engine start.
...two, one.
Electronuclear carburation seems fine.
He's fast. I'll give Banzai that. But one
heat-seeking missile and he's history.
This is control. APU start is go.
You're on your on-board computer. Over.
They are reading you on the localiser
downrange. Looks good. Over.
HB 88, this is control.
Speed steady at 317 nautical.
400 and accelerating!
Horizontal velocity is expanding. Over.
- Four... three...
- Here he comes.
...two... one.
- Where's he going?
- Yeah!
He is off course.
This is Chase One. Over.
He has broken trajectory...
50 cylinder. There is an immediate
fire hazard. Do you read?
- Roger.
- Do you read?
Advise you abort. Over.
Repeat: Advise you cancel phase two!
- What the hell's phase two?
- That's a big no-can-do.
Buckaroo, are you decompressing? Over.
- He's broken the sound barrier!
- Mach 1.3.
Buckaroo, do you read?
Commence braking procedure. Over.
Just be cool. She'll hold.
Axis negative.
Pneumatic pressure negative.
We are looking at 500 degrees...
We are in pursuit.
He is gaining. Over.
He's headed for the mountains!
Eject, Buckaroo! Eject!
HB 88, do you read? Do you read? Over.
This is control. Do you read?
Unsafe levels of...
Standby recirculation has been activated.
HB 88, this is control. Do you...
Hotel Brava 88 do you read?
Do you read? Over.
- What is going on?
- It's off my scope.
This is Chase One. We got his tracks.
They go right up to a wall of rock.
Holy shit!
This is Chase Two. Chase Two.
We see him. We see him.
We have him. Chase Two reports
a visual 100 miles off course.
Banzai!
He's gone through it.
He's gone through the mountain.
It has deployed there.
There is a minimal disturbance
in the electromagnetic field.
Antigravity inertia is normal.
Mass acceleration is diminishing. Over.
He is OK.
The vehicle is hot, but we are
showing no radioactivity. Over.
HB 88, this is control. We see you.
Welcome home. Over.
We show electrical-field aberrations
on the windshield.
We are getting a localised vibration
of the drive train and a minor oil leak.
Buckaroo, can you verify
operational capability?
HB 88, this is control.
We are reading an electrical
field aberration of 993
on your windshield, static and fracture.
Can you confirm? Over.
HB 88, this is control.
Do you hear me? Over.
We are getting localised vibration on
your drive shaft. Can you verify? Over.
HB 88, a retrieval vehicle
will rendezvous in ten minutes. Over.
Well, there it is,
tyre tracks right up to a wall of rock.
Perfect Tommy, Rawhide, Reno -
cute guys of the Hong Kong Cavaliers,
Buckaroo's most trusted inner circle.
Could you elaborate on that device,
I believe, dubbed the "oscillator"...
- Oscillation overthruster.
- Hikita!
- Thank you, Allison.
- That dirty little Asian critter!
Tranquillisers are being dispensed
to all patients between 10 and 11 am,
Tuesday, Friday and Wednesday.
The sound barrier crumbles,
and then the dimension barrier.
It was, Buckaroo Banzai said, exactly like
Professor Hikita had glimpsed in 1938
through the overthruster he and Dr Emilio
Lizardo put together from spare parts
in a laboratory at Princeton.
1938. Can you imagine what it
must have been like then?
Molto grazie, Dr Lizardo.
Almost ready, Dr Lizardo! Almost.
Electromagnets, they are charging.
Catapult, she's wired!
No. Not yet. No!
Whoo!
No, not yet! Not yet! I'm not ready!
- He did not go through the wall.
Holy Toledo!
Facile. Sotto, dottor.
Emilio?
...asked what he saw,
asked where he went,
Dr Banzai replied "Vast chasms
of hissing swamp, spurts of flame,
huge thunderclaps
and gurgling rock formations."
Lithium is no longer
available on credit.
G-sub-E...
Ges Cristo, make the ganglia twitch.
We're home free.
Home... home is where
you wear your hat.
I feel so break up, I want to go home!
Hello, Doc. Who are we today?
Albert Einstein?
No. Lord John Whorfin.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's to be mistaken for somebody else.
Cheer up, Lizardo. It's Friday. I got
a care package from your yo-yo friends.
Hey, Signore...
grazie tanto.
Thanks, Doc.
I come for your TV.
You've been using too much juice.
Another 10,000 kilowatts
again this month.
It beats me how an old homicidal
loony can use that much power.
Go on, take it! I don't need it!
Tomorrow I'm goin' home
with my overthruster.
That's terrific, Doc.
I'll make sure you get
an early wake-up call.
Laugh while you can, monkey boy.
Buckaroo, I've done
a spectrographic analysis
on the specimen you pulled
off the jet car drive shaft.
Rawhide, what do you think?
I don't care if you walked
through a mountain in Texas.
This is New Jersey, and when you
play my joint, you're just another act.
- I want some music out of you.
- You want it, Artie? You got it.
Let's rock and roll!
Ladies and gentlemen, Artie's Artery
is proud to present for a single night only,
New Brunswick's own,
the one, the only, the amazing...
Buckaroo Banzai and
the Hong Kong Cavaliers!
Excuse me.
Excuse me, is someone out there
not having a good time?
Is somebody...
is somebody crying...
out there in the darkness?
Somebody crying?
Over here. I'm sorry.
Um, could we get... could we
get her a mike and a spotlight?
Tommy, could we run her a mike?
- What, are you serious?
- Yeah, run her over a mike.
What's your name?
- Who cares?
- Right.
Well, I care. What's your name?
- Penny.
- Did you say Peggy?
No. My name's Penny. Penny Priddy.
That doesn't matter.
It's not important.
I just... I just sponged up
a little too much Vat 69, that's all.
I'm down to my last nickel
in this lousy town,
and they wouldn't take
my luggage in hock.
I lost my room at the Y this morning.
But it's cool.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, now.
Don't be mean.
We don't have to be mean,
cos, remember...
no matter where you go...
there you are.
- I'm gonna sing this song for you, Peggy.
- No, Penny! Who cares?
I don't have plans and schemes...
And I...
Don't have hopes and dreams...
I don't have anything...
- This is weird.
- Sure is.
Since I don't have you...
- Yeah, I...
- Who's the girl?
Don't have fond desires...
I don't have happy hours...
I don't have anything...
- Get her outta here now! Let's go!
- Let me go! Let me go, you freaks!
- Wait. Wait a minute. Wait.
- Kill that spot. Kill it!
...festive briefing by the
Banzai Institute. Tomorrow...
Where you think you're going, Doc? The moon?
- No, no. Planet Ten.
- Planet Ten. Why, pray tell?
- Operator?
- Doc, put down the phone.
Operator? I wanna make a call
to a Mr John Bigbooty
at Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems
over in Grover's Mill.
And you tell him that
it's John Whorfin calling.
That's W-H-O-R-F-l-N.
You got that, honey?
- John. J-O-H-N.
- This better be collect, Doc.
Bigbooty? Of course it's me, you fool!
Who do you think?
The time has come, Bigbooty.
Prepare for my return.
Well, haven't you heard?
Don't you watch TV?
Banzai and Hikita have done it.
They have opened the window!
Si. Si. So meet me at the factory.
And get their overthruster.
And Hikita, too.
Sure. Alive.
No, no, don't worry about me.
I'll get my own ride.
Evil will not prevail. That was...
Arrivederci, Jersey.
Goodbye, goodbye to her...
- It's the spittin' image.
- Doesn't look anything like her.
Pictures don't lie.
Hell they don't. Met my first wife that way.
It's Peggy to these eyes. It's the
same nose. It's the same hair.
Plus, Buckaroo has to think so too
or else he wouldn't be ready
to make a fool of himself.
Just hot off the World Watch Wire, Buckaroo.
Thought you'd wanna be notified.
Remember that old Italian pal
of the professor's?
- Emilio Lizardo.
- Yeah.
Last night he kills a guard, breaks out of
Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane.
Ten minutes later, he cops a Maserati
Bora. Totalled it a block away.
Holy moly.
- Maserati Bora.
- Mm-hm. That ain't all.
He's vanished. Thin air.
- Dr Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
- You're thinking of Mr Wizard.
This guy is a
top scientist, dummkopf.
- So was Mr Wizard.
- Dr Emilio Lizardo is a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy.
A vicious psychopath.
Just as soon kill you as go fishin'.
Buckaroo, look at this.
Grossly-abnormal high-altitude
electrostatic disturbance
- moving down over Connecticut.
- From the jet car, do you think?
No, not from the jet car.
Check with NORAD Command.
It could be above-ground atomic testing
in China. Maybe sunspot activity.
Man, that's strange.
Scientists at Strategious Space Command have detected
a mysterious radioactive cloudlike
mass over southern New England.
Sources close to the National Security
Consortium have refused to comment.
Let's get on back to three
great modern country hits in a row.
- Sidney!
- Buckaroo!
- How's the patient?
- Fine, thanks to you.
- But more importantly: Congratulations!
- Thank you.
You drove right through
a mountain the other day.
You did it right after you left me at the operation.
You haven't even said anything about it.
- Didn't mention it.
- Sidney, these are my friends.
This is my colleague Dr Sidney Zwibel, old
medical friend from Columbia P and S.
- Howdy. How you're doing?
- Listen, Sidney, I'm glad you could make it.
Cos it looks like we may need an
extra hand sooner than I thought.
Aha, I see. That's what I was wondering about.
I got your message about rendezvousing
at this address. Barely had time to pack.
- Then I came here...
- I can see that.
I'm gonna snoop around.
Make yourself at home.
You know, I thought we were gonna
rehearse or something.
I'm a big fan of all you guys. I love
the comic books and the records.
I know you. You're Pecos.
- Perfect Tommy.
- Perfect Tommy. I'm sorry.
- You're Pecos.
- Pecos is in Tibet. Name's Reno.
- Reno! It's an honour.
- Where do you hail from, Doc?
- Uh, New Jersey. Fort Lee.
- Where are your spurs at?
Is he making fun of me?
Third cell to the left. Pink dress.
Arigato.
What do you want? Huh?
What are you doin' here?
What are you doing here?
Why don't you just go away
and let me rot?
Who were you really trying
to annihilate last night?
You. Just like the papers all say.
Come over here.
Come on.
Oh, my God! Perfect Tommy!
What do you want from me?
Oh, you remind me of someone
I once knew long ago.
Was she very beautiful?
She was... queen of the Netherlands.
That's a long way
from where I come from.
Wyoming? Cody, Wyoming?
No, I'm from Laramie.
Except that I was born in Cody,
but nobody...
Do you have family?
Back in Cody, I mean?
I don't know.
See, I always felt that there was
another part of me somewhere.
Another part of you?
Somewhere, yeah.
I'm adopted.
Of course!
If it was a snake, it'd have bit me!
- Another you.
- Anything's possible.
- Let her out!
- Hey, me too.
- Let her out?
- Yeah, let her out. I'll be responsible.
- She's a killer!
- No, she's not. And give her your coat.
Why me?
Because you're perfect.
You have a point there.
I'd like to move this thing along.
Perhaps some of you noticed we have
a motorcycle convention rolling in here.
We're a little short of time.
Besides, I don't imagine you
came here to listen to me talk.
You're right.
Without further ado, I'd like
to introduce a young man
who yesterday took our notions
of reality and turned them inside out.
Dr Buckaroo Banzai,
perhaps you can explain yourself.
Ooh.
Secretary, Senator Cunningham...
members of the world press.
30 years ago, almost to this day, my mother and
father, Doctors Sandra and Masado Banzai
gave their lives for what was then
considered to be a very insane notion...
the possibility of contacting alien life.
However, not on another planet. But here.
Maybe right inside this table...
living on a simultaneous plane
of existence with our own.
Perhaps within a mountain.
See this rock? It's solid matter, right?
But the solid parts of this rock - the
neutrons, quarks, protons and electrons -
comprise only about
one quadrillionth of its total volume.
- How many zeros is that?
- Quite a few.
The rest of this rock
is actually empty space.
So, back in 1937, Professor Hikita here
and Dr Emilio Lizardo
figured that if solid matter
were mostly just empty space,
a person should be able to discover
a way to travel inside things.
We at the Banzai Institute
have at last found that way.
We have created a device
called an oscillation overthruster,
which systematically reorders matter
by annihilating electrons, positrons...
I get it. What you're saying is that
oppositely-charged particles collide,
and blow each other up in a burst of energy.
Like a tiny big bang, like a... baby bang.
I'm probably just stating the very obvious.
Shut up, Penny. Shut up.
Oh, no. It's not obvious at all. If it was obvious,
everybody would be doing it every day.
See, by all accounts, it appears as though
I literally went right through a mountain.
But you could take that mountain
and pulverise it...
and sift through it like breadcrumbs
for the rest of your natural life...
and you would never ever find... this.
And yet this living organism came out
of that mountain in Texas with me.
Even though I was never
inside that mountain.
The president's calling.
- The president of what?
- The president of the United States.
Oh. Here.
Later.
- Is he still delirious?
- I can't tell. It's real fuzzy. I patched him
through to a payphone down the hall.
- Do your thing.
- Buckaroo, you forgot your thruster.
Why don't you hold onto it for a while?
Any time.
Do we have the first slide, please?
What about the Pentagon?
The possibility of war
in the Eighth Dimension, Mr Secretary?
What?
It seemed like a strange connection
even back at the bus.
Mr President?
Some kind of interference.
Hello, Mr President?
Mr President? Mr President, hello?
Hello, Mr President?
- What's going on?
- Maybe it's a prankster, some computer whiz kid.
Not with Elephant Bravo.
- Not with an alpha clearance.
- Alpha clearance? Hello? Mr...
Ed, go back to the bus and reroute this call to
the president's suite at Walter Reed Hospital.
Yeah, and make sure this is on the level.
We're busy people here.
Does the President call him a lot?
Pencil! Pen! Quick! Anything!
Don't touch him!
What's he writing?
Conference room!
Conference room! Let's go!
Launch thermopod.
- There they are.
- Dr Banzai.
- Don't you see 'em?
- What do you mean? Who?
Evil! Pure and simple from the
Eighth Dimension! Grab 'em!
- Lectroids! Grab 'em!
- Lectroids? He's got a gun.
OK, wise guy!
Let those gun belts hit the floor!
Nobody follows or the Prof is history!
- Where's Buckaroo?
- Get him.
- Where's the overthruster?
- Get an ambulance.
- Come on, will you just ignore them?
- Isn't that...?
Hey, wait a minute! You can't ride that!
It's Buckaroo Banzai!
- Hold it!
- Freeze!
- I had my eyes open all day long, Burt.
- It may not be a total loss.
- I'm about ready to go home.
- We might see something.
I hit it! It is wounded.
What'd it look like to you?
- Like a big black flying dinosaur.
- Dinosaur? It was purple.
- That's what it looked like. It was black.
- It was purple. It'll be dark before we even find it.
We get Professor Hikita
to cough up the crucial missing circuit
and then we finally get our butts off this rock!
Oh, yeah? Listen to this!
Well, what is it? What is it?
Black thermopod emergency beacon!
Here? On Earth?
- Why? John Bigboot, why?
- Coordinates established.
Electromagnetic energy
back on route three.
- The whole top of the tree's squashed!
- Do you think it up there?
Let's wait for the cops, Burt.
What for? Are you scared?
- There's gotta be something there.
- Come on, Burt. There's nothing up there.
Well, how do you know?
Here, hold this. Hold this!
Where you going? Where you going?!
Christmas shopping.
- What's that?
- It's a stick. What's it look like?
- Gimme some light, will ya?
- I got two guns in my hands.
- Put one of them down.
- I ain't putting the guns down!
- It's just a tree.
- Then leave it alone!
Aagh! See, I told you!
I told you! Leave it alone!
Run! Run! Run!
- Shoot it, Bubba. Shoot it!
- I can't! It's jammed! It's jammed!
There's something.
There's something coming out!
- Where?
- Out of the top.
Oh, my soul!
Throw me my gun, Bubba. Throw it.
Sorry.
Is he dead?
Yeah, I think so. But look
at his face. It's changing.
And his hair...
his hair is all disappeared.
- What's that smell? You smell electricity?
- He's crackling. We're standing in water.
What is he, Burt?
Is he radioactive?
How the hell do I know?
Do I look like a nuclear genius?
He's probably from Mars.
Or Jupiter.
Jupiter? I hope he's alone.
- There's somethin' over there.
- Where?
Right there.
What is it?
Buckaroo Banzai. It's the latest issue.
Rawhide, come in. Rawhide.
Rawhide.
Buckaroo, what's up? Where in Hades
are you? I'm gettin' a lot of static.
Yeah. That's me.
I've been ionised, but I'm OK now.
Listen, I'm switching
on the homing beacon.
Mark two minute intervals... now.
Look, we got the overthruster. But someone
shanghaied the professor right from the conference.
- Oh, the deuce you say.
- What do you think?
- Dr Lizardo, maybe?
- Yeah, I'd put money on it.
- That crate.
- What crate?
The crate they shoved in that van.
You and the guys...
go back to the house and dig up
everything you can on an outfit called
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
- You got that?
- Right. Yoyodyne. We're on it.
Hand me that tarp, will ya?
Let's cover this guy up.
- Guy? What guy?
- He's got paws.
- Now what?
- Who are they?
Cover it up.
John Bigboot, Officer.
Head of Operations,
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
- There's one of our birds.
- That fella over there one of your birds, too?
The droid, you mean?
Doesn't look like anything I've seen
before. I mean, I've seen droids...
Nice night, huh?
That big thing over there attacked me.
Impossible. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah! It's some kinda creature.
There's part of it still stuck in the tree.
No, it's a machine with 30-foot
leather wings. I think it's radioactive.
Three minutes since he last moved.
This is a fix. Something is happening.
Let's get somebody over there.
Al, you set up the grid
and get the last known coordinates.
Tommy, hop on the Marconi
and see if we got Blue Blazes
in a ten-minute radius.
But no strike teams, Tommy, understand?
I'm headed downstairs.
Keep everybody calm.
- Hikita-san.
- Buckaroo!
Repeating: Intrastate outward band five.
Coded. Calling all Blue Blaze
irregulars in the Garden State.
Buckaroo... in trouble.
Will repeat coordinates.
This is Scooter Lindley, Junior Blue Blaze
irregular 41 and a half. Hang on.
- Dad! Dad! Buckaroo's in trouble!
- Say what?
Aliens from the Eighth Dimension.
I'm seeing them now.
You can see them now? Here?
Yeah, the three jerks driving this van.
Look at this. What is this?
It's your hand, Buckaroo.
No, no, no, no, it's a formula.
It's an antidote of some kind.
Whatever that was in that phoney call
from the president gave me information,
some electrochemical message that
allows me to see what they really are.
- What are they?
- Lectroids from Planet Ten
by way of the Eighth Dimension.
Mr Gomez?
- I got a truck on the way to help mop things up.
- Identification?
Or else this place'll become a zoo,
not to mention a haven for gawkers.
Wait a minute. Now just a second.
- Stay put. All of ya.
- Sure thing.
We'll go ahead and start breaking it down.
Don't touch it!
I got my own help on the way.
Now, that's an order.
Go find something to crack it open.
There's a Harley in those bushes.
I want you to get out and go to the laboratory,
start working on this formula.
- I want you to synthesise it.
- Buckaroo! Give me the formula.
Oh, wow!
Peggy!
She's not Peggy, Mrs Johnson.
Sois sage, mon amie.
No. Of course not. How could she be?
- Any word from Buckaroo?
- No, I thought he was with you guys.
No, he's not. Ah, Dr Zwibel,
Penny Priddy... Mrs Johnson.
Nice to meet you.
The fellas call me New Jersey.
- Well, where are they all going?
- Bunk house. Off limits.
Again, John Gomez!
John O'Connor,
there's a crowbar in the truck.
I'll get it.
Destroy yourself, John Gant.
Set detonator.
Detonator set.
My most profuse apologies
to my homeland and loved ones.
John Valuk is dead. He fell on his head.
Perhaps John Parker will get through
with our message to Buckaroo Banzai.
I said back off! Now, dammit, I mean it!
Hey! Hey, leave him alone! Ugh!
Easy, friend. Ha, Buckaroo Banzai!
Hey!
It's Buckaroo Banzai! Get him!
Hustle up!
Scooter Lindley, Blue Blaze Irregular.
- It is! It is Professor Hikita.
- We're closing the gate. Please, step back!
- Where's Buckaroo?
We gotta have something for him.
Try a new cipher.
- Try a G-cipher.
- G-cipher.
There...
That's more like it.
Looks like we've accessed their restricted
data file. Could be highly revealing.
No sign of Buckaroo. The professor
just rode up saying something
about space monsters and where's the
overthruster. Went straight to the lab.
Space monsters, my ass.
Hey, man, nice jacket.
What's in the big pink box?
Hey, buddy. May I help you?
Hello! Buckaroo Banzai!?
You a messenger? What you got here?
No, no, wait a minute.
I need see Buckaroo Banzai in person.
My name is John Parker.
Identify yourself, no?
Blue Blaze irregular Pinky Carruthers.
Sorry, John, everybody
needs see Buckaroo. Later.
Gino, run this down to the professor for me.
Sounds like he's getting a little nervous.
- This is queer. Look.
- What's up? What you got?
All these people applied for social security cards
in the same town in New Jersey on exact same date.
New Jersey?
46 Yoyodyne employees,
Grover's Mill, New Jersey,
11-1-38.
I got some pictures, boys.
It looks like a practical joke.
Check out these names:
John Yaya? John Parrot?
John Bigbooty?
Maybe not.
John Nolan? John O'Connor?
No way, Jos.
John Small Berries? It's a joke. Maybe
that's what Buckaroo was talking about.
No, Reno, there are no ages
and no places of birth.
Uh, Grover's Mill. Grover's Mill, 1938.
Why's that so familiar?
They all have the same first name.
John, John, John, John, John.
Somebody's playing games.
This is statistically impossible.
No, no, no. Wait a minute,
wait a minute, um...
November one. October.
30 days have September, April,
June, November. Short February.
And all the rest have 31. October 31st.
Halloween.
Oh, um...
Don't you get it? Orson Welles.
You mean the guy from
the old wine commercials?
Halloween, 1938. War of the Worlds,
that fake radio news broadcast
that got everybody scared,
thinking real, live Martians...
were landing in Grover's Mill...
New Jersey.
Then it all just turned out to be a hoax.
So?
So... maybe it wasn't a hoax.
Or, I mean, maybe it isn't a hoax.
If we don't find the overthruster,
Whorfin'll have us for supper.
Who says the damn
thing's even here?
Come on! Come on!
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
All right, who's the wise guy?
I said, who's the wise guy?
It's locked.
John O'Connor, smash the window.
Why me, John Bigboot?
It might be booby-trapped.
Oh.
- Buckaroo!
- Mrs Johnson, this is Casper and Scooter Lindley.
Is Hikita-san here yet? Where's
the overthruster? Where's Penny?
Prof is in the lab with the overthruster. Penny's
in the right wing guest room. Everybody's safe and sound.
- They're lectroids, Buckaroo.
- From Planet Ten.
- Planet Ten? How do you guys know?
- It's all on the yellow record. Come on.
- Casper Lindley.
- Reno.
- Yellow record?
- However, they didn't come here on a nonstop flight.
They blasted through the Eighth
Dimension in 1938 over in Grover's Mill.
Where there was a huge
electrical dimensional accident.
Some giant explosion. And they hypnotised
Orson Welles into covering it up.
So, first he says there's
an invasion from Mars,
but then he says, no, no, no,
it's just a radio-show hoax.
- Get it?
- No.
- Let's go.
- Orson Welles? What about Yoyodyne? What about Dr Lizardo?
- That's what we're trying to tell you.
- There's someone living inside him.
- Buckaroo.
- Pinky.
Put this on. Here, y'all put these on.
There's more in the box and there's one over there.
- What's this?
- It came with the record. It's like a 3-D type thing.
How am I supposed to know
he's from outer space?
This Rasta guy pedals up to the front gate
and delivers it all in a pink cake box.
- What? What for?
- We don't know. It wouldn't tell us.
- It wants to talk to the head honcho.
- Lights.
Salutations, great Buckaroo Banzai.
I am John Emdall from Planet Ten.
A common, grave danger
confronts both our worlds.
- After a bloody reign of terror...
- Hey, what is that?
...the hated leader of a military caste...
the self-proclaimed "Lord" John Whorfin,
a bloodthirsty butcher
as evil as your Hitler...
Oh, wow!
...was overthrown
by freedom-loving forces...
tried and condemned, along with
several hundred of his followers,
to spend eternity in the formless void
of the Eighth Dimension.
Did you tell Penny that
Buckaroo's looking for her?
I looked in her room.
She wasn't there.
- Who's Penny?
- Where is she?
Will everybody shut up
so I can hear the rest of this thing?
And now you, Buckaroo Banzai, have
unintentionally helped John Whorfin
with the success of your
oscillation overthruster.
For our intelligence warns us that
he intends to steal your overthruster.
If he should attempt this,
we will have no choice
but to disrupt worldwide
electronic communications
and fire a particle-beam weapon
from your airspace
to Smolensk in the Union
of Soviet Socialist Republics.
That an action that the Kremlin will most certainly
misinterpret as an American first strike.
- They're already a little trigger-happy.
- Stop John Whorfin before sunset.
If you fail, we will be forced
to help you destroy yourselves.
- If it ain't one thing, it's another.
- Lighten up.
End of discussion.
Discussion? What discussion?
She gotta be kidding, right?
Vaporise the whole damn planet?
- You wanna roll those dice, Casper?
- No, no, no, not me, man. No way.
Gents... we're going to Yoyodyne.
Rawhide, see how Hikita-san is
with that formula.
Billy, tell Sam to prep
the jet car for city driving.
What about a Blue Blaze strike team?
We keep it intimate. Call the Kolodny
Brothers. Call the Rug Suckers.
- Where are you going?
- Get my guns.
His guns?
Okay, okay, I'm a girl. I don't deny it.
I sneaked into your bedroom.
I invaded your privacy.
I went through your personal belongings.
- Mrs Johnson! I can never find anything around here...
- I took a bath!
- Penny, what's your problem?
- Me! You! That picture!
I'm going crazy. Who's that girl, Buckaroo?
What's going on around here?
You drag me out of jail.
You're like Jerry Lewis.
You give me hope to carry on, but then
you leave me in the lurch
while you strap on your six-guns.
What do you want from me?
- Who am I?
- As near as I can figure...
you had an identical twin sister and...
I married her.
But that's over now.
And she's gone and that's about all
there is, really, to say about that.
We don't know what to expect here.
It disagrees with all the standard pictures.
It's producing a magnetic force.
No, no. I'm wrong!
Hey!
Oh, tell me I'm dreaming.
- Ow!
- Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's...
- Buckaroo! Sorry. Sam's dead.
- Sam?
Someone broke into the jet-car.
Things are going haywire over at the lab.
Wait here. I'll be right back.
Oh, boy.
He's dead. Spread out.
They can't be very far off.
Okay. Tommy, check the biomedical labs.
Reno, take physics. Jersey, go with Reno.
- Where you going?
- Engineering.
Cowboy! Hold your gun
in front of you, man.
- Oh, I see. I got that. OK.
- It's cool.
Buckaroo, behind you!
- You... you OK?
- Yeah. Just let me catch my breath.
Professor went down into the purification
vent. He's got the overthruster.
All right.
Why is there a watermelon there?
I'll tell you later.
Buckaroo?
Rawhide?
Anybody?
Here, young lady. The overthruster.
Here, put this in your purse.
Get out of here!
Where's your overthruster?
Hikita-san!
Nice morning, huh?
It's just making my legs asleep.
- What the hell is wrong with him?
- I don't know. I don't know. Are you cold?
It's my spine.
- What're you still doing on this floor?
- I think it's cos I can't move my legs.
Ooh, damn!
- What is it? Apache?
- Arachtoid.
Oh, spiders. So I was right, huh?
We got the guy, Rawhide.
Sucker only tried...
- Any antidote for these things?
- No. Not at all.
- Come over here.
- Does that mean you're on our side?
That's right.
Man! Those things
pack a mean wallop, huh?
What are y'all looking at?
You're on the clock. Let's saddle up, huh?
Hey, man, they're stealing my helicopter!
They've got Penny!
She has the overthruster.
We'll get it back. We'll get it back.
It's... it's not Buckaroo Banzai per se,
Mr President. It's his men.
Foreigners, some of 'em.
Or their names have been changed.
Their true backgrounds
are shrouded in secrecy!
Now, all I'm saying is that this jet car
belongs in the hands of Defense.
I mean, if the Banzai Institute
doesn't want to sell it to us,
then we're gonna have
to take it from them!
In national interest, of course.
Come in.
Excuse me, Mr President, World Watch One.
Direct-incoming transmission.
Yeah.
Hello, Mr President, I know your back is killing you,
but I have a developing situation here
and I must speak frankly.
Buckaroo...
Secretary of Defense McKinley
and my National Security Advisor
Smirnoff, are visiting me,
but I have no secrets from them.
Well, something has reared
its ugly head in outer space, Mr President,
and it looks like the Earth is caught in a crossfire.
We have reason to believe
that there are vicious red aliens
walking freely among us,
posing as the owners and operators
of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
Yoyodyne Propulsion... the people
working on our Truncheon Bomber?
- In the hands of foreign nationals?
- Excuse me, Mr President. Time is short.
In order to prevent
John Whorfin's escape,
my comrades are at this very moment
taking up a geostationary position
over New Jersey.
This situation is explosive.
- Who the hell is that?
- Explosive, what are you saying man?
Some kind of race war in New Jersey?
No, Mr President, no.
This man as you call him is not
a human being at all, but is, in fact,
a black lectroid named John Parker
from the very same Planet Ten.
And his spaceship is, at this moment,
anchored above Yoyodyne.
Yoyodyne.
- Buckaroo, my good friend...
- That's it!
These red creatures, they must
somehow give off the bacteria.
We breathe it. It swims up our nose
into our cerebral cortex
where it talks to our brain cells.
Tells us to see exactly
what they want us to see.
Electric brainwashing.
Diabolical. They got us so confused...
Buckaroo, I don't know what to say.
Lectroids from Planet Ten?
Nuclear extortion?
A girl named John?
Buckaroo, Lectroid Wing Commander.
Excuse me, Mr President,
I have to go talk to the hornet's nest.
Good God.
Well, if it wasn't Buckaroo Banzai,
I'd say commit the man.
Get me SAC Headquarters, Omaha,
NORAD and the Strategic Space Command.
I want some hard data on that cloud.
John, get out in the field.
Stick your beak into this one.
- What is this thing made of?
- Cobalt and electricity.
They're armed for bear, Buckaroo.
World Watch One.
Buckaroo.
It's Whorfin.
Dr Banzai?
Yes, this is Emilio Lizardo.
Maybe you don't remember me.
Ah. I'm flattered.
We know the same people.
Yeah. In fact, one of them
is with me right now.
Your associate...
Dr Penny Priddy.
Doctor?
May I pass along my congratulations
for your great
interdimensional breakthrough.
I'm sure in the miserable annals of
the Earth, you will be duly enshrined.
However... Miss Priddy claims
to be unable to solve my problem
and provide me with
the crucial missing circuit
for my overthruster!
He hasn't found it. He hasn't found it.
Maybe you can convince her to try.
John O'Connor!
I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget about me!
- They'll never break me. Never!
- Penny, get off the phone.
Dr Lizardo, really what does she know
about an overthruster? She's not a scientist.
Shall we play...
a Penny for your thoughts?
Maybe you can come in her place, huh?
Yoyodyne, Banzai. You know the address.
Come alone and bring your overthruster!
He'll come. I know his type.
Take her to the pit!
Go, Bigbooty!
Use more honey!
Find out what she knows.
These breathing devices Hikita-san has cooked up
will enable you to see them
as they really are, as I've been seeing
them since yesterday - as Lectroids.
In our eyes, they're not very pretty.
Nothing personal, John Parker.
If we blow this today...
there ain't no tomorrow.
We have only 240 minutes remaining.
Right. I'm working under the assumption
that Penny still has the overthruster,
but this psycho Whorfin doesn't
know that. So that'll be my job.
To get her and it back in one piece.
Your objective is to 86 Whorfin.
You know your two strike groups.
Apache group, that's you, Reno.
Chaparral group, that's you, Perfect
Tommy. Parker'll ride with Chaparral.
It's my guess that no human being
has ever been inside the place.
So who knows what we're gonna find
there. Top priority is the overthruster.
Without it, Whorfin
can't get off this planet.
This homing device will probably
make it very easy to find.
And maybe a lot harder to get back.
Strategic Space Command now reports
all the surveillance satellite
communication jammed.
Jammed? By who? Who by?
Possible atmospheric conditions, sir.
- Solar.
- Solar?
Intelligence confirms that Soviets
are having the same problem.
Should we be on Code Red?
We go to Code Red,
the Russians go to Code Red.
No sense going off half-cocked, Mr President.
I don't know, but Buckaroo Banzai
has never been wrong before.
The man's been through solid matter,
for crying out loud.
Who knows what happened to his brain.
Maybe it scrambled his molecules.
All I'm saying is,
Mr President, let's not panic.
What's happening?
Electromagnetic pulsar.
Russians just gone to
Defense Condition Two, sir.
We've no choice, then.
Mr President, I am a soldier,
and I'm a damn good one.
I've got enough decorations
to snap a Christmas tree.
All I'm trying to say is - and I hope
I speak for everyone in this room -
is that I am scared.
I'm barely holding my fudge right now.
Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl,
General, and pull yourself together.
I'm glad someone has
the balls to face facts.
- Don't embarrass us.
- Have I ever?
Give me 30 minutes,
then come in and mop up.
Shut up!
I've had enough of you, Penny Priddy!
Well... Mrs Johnson, thank you.
It's certainly food for thought.
No answer at the Kremlin, sir.
Just dead silence.
Then I guess the moment is upon us.
Here you go, Mr President.
The Presidential Emergency Action Document.
For your eyes only.
John Hancock these, and Hail Mary.
You know, on second thought, maybe
we should think this through a bit more
so that future generations
of Americans will...
Oh, wow.
"Declaration of War: The Short Form."
Bring that thing right through the gate.
Straight ahead, straight ahead, come on.
Blacks... are on this planet!
Here, in New Jersey!
Coming to destroy us!
We must act!
Escape or die!
We must work faster
to finish the great vehicle itself,
so we can enter the Eighth Dimension
and free our trapped comrades!
So we can return home
and seize power once again!
- What is the greatest joy?
- The joy of duty!
- Louder!
- The joy of duty!
History is made at night.
Character is what you are in the dark!
We must work while the clock,
she's ticking.
- We hide, they seek!
- Death to the Black Lectroids!
- Where are we going?
- Planet Ten!
- When?
- Real soon!
Come on over here. Bring it this way!
This way!
Now park it.
There's no overthruster!
Get him here! Get him outta there!
I wanna see his face!
It's not here!
Take him to the shock tower.
The equations. Solve them.
Enter your data on this keypad.
And you better be right.
The shock tower is a lie detector.
Any falsehood triggers a brutal charge
to your auditory meatus.
- Open circuit.
- So?
You're not getting jack from me until
you let Penny out of this junkyard.
Curse you, Banzai!
Don't you realise what are you saying?
Your whole planet is gonna be destroyed
and you sit here wasting time?
Time? I got nothing but time.
Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife.
Doomed is your soul
and damned is your life.
Buzz off.
Bigbooty...
more power to him.
Bigboot.
I want my missing circuit, now!
- Is there something I can help you with?
- Is Buckaroo upstairs?
Hello, Mr Secretary.
Where is he?
- That won't work either.
- Porco Giuda!
Hey, Banzai.
Take a look at your girlfriend.
Devo lavorare con persone idiota!
She'll live... but only for a while.
And she won't enjoy it.
Only you can save her from a fate
even worse than that of
your friend, Mr Rawhide.
Missing circuit's in your head, Whorfin.
Bigbooty...
activate your probes.
Slow this sucker down.
I'll handle these birds.
You gentlemen have a telephone? You wanna jump
on the horn and get Mr John Bigboot.
It's Bigboot.
Oh, hell, if you wanna do anything
nowadays, you gotta do it yourself.
- What is your name?
- John Yaya.
John Yaya, huh? And you are?
"John Small Berries."
- He's down there. I feel it.
- We're not...
- It's a nest.
- Birds nest. People don't nest.
Red Lectroid.
Don't touch it. It might be a bomb.
Nah, it's a toy.
- Sit down!
- Sir? Hey, that area's restricted.
Yeah? Not to me!
This I know. This I know.
And I love Whorfin too.
- What is this place?
- It's a bivouac. They sleep here.
- Can they all shoot stingers?
- You better believe it.
- Lizardo. Which way?
- Over there.
- You sure?
- Believe it.
Just once.
- Where...?
- Shh.
What's going on? Where are we?
It's a bivouac, man. They sleep here.
What's happening?
John Isaac, get the boy! Andiamo!
Bigbooty! Go down to the pit. Kill the girl!
Scooter! Where are you?
Hey, somebody turn off
that gosh dang klaxon!
Work. Work. Work.
There are monkey boys in the facility.
You are secure.
Do not panic.
John Emdall must die.
Lord Whorfin must live.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Sidney.
- Buckaroo!
It's good to see you, pal. You got a pistol?
Yeah.
What are you gonna use?
- Where are we?
- I hate to tell you.
Where are we going?
This way.
Get over here.
Keep your noses to the grindstone.
The greatest joy is the joy of duty.
Work. Work. Work.
Monkey boys are feeble.
Lord Whorfin is supreme!
Bigboot! Bigboot! Hold on a minute,
I wanna talk to you.
What the hell's the matter with you?
You deaf? I said I wanna talk to you!
Jesus!
What the hell is going on here,
Bigboot? Where's my bomber?
Bigboot. John O'Connor,
put the slug on the track.
I don't give a flying handshake
what your name is!
I'm here to see a bomber!
This sure ain't it.
Let's just go back upstairs to my office.
Talk about this like
two reasonable beings.
You listen to me. Your private life,
that's your own concern.
But I'm here to see a bomber
and I'm damn sure gonna see it now!
Look at this place. Don't you have
any pride? It looks like a damn pigsty!
It's not my goddamn planet.
Understand, monkey boy?
- Let's get outta here, O'Connor.
- But Whorfin said we could kill her.
(lectroid #5 growls)
You owe me one, Buck.
It's not over yet.
I may be down but I'm not out.
What is that? Don't pick it up. No.
Penny.
How's she doing?
- I don't know.
- There's no overthruster.
- Buckaroo Banzai!
- What?
There is little time!
You better come quickly
if your planet is still important to you.
Leave her to me.
You take care of business.
Thanks.
- Go. Go.
- Right.
- Where's Buckaroo Banzai?
- He's flown the coop.
- Is the girl dead?
- Yes!
Then sound the call to board the ship.
Without the crucial missing circuit,
we'll never make it!
They're only monkey boys! We can still
crush them here on Earth, Lord Whorfin!
No. It's time to go home.
Bigbooty, you carry my overthruster.
John O'Connor...
you stick by my side.
The great vehicle itself
is now in final boarding state.
What is that?
It's a troop ship. Lord Whorfin.
Massacre them without quarter!
Tell the flight attendants to close
the doors and prepare for a crosscheck.
If you are not inside the great vehicle
itself, you have missed the boat.
We are go for launch.
Do not obstruct the great vehicle.
Do not take to the floor.
Lord Whorfin will return
for all those left behind.
Clear the great vehicle. Voltage is rising.
Electromagnetic field is rising.
John O'Connor! Install my overthruster!
...all carry-on baggage
overhead and secure.
Electromagnetic field...
- What is this?
- It looks like one of our thermopods.
But it's a very bad design.
Your tray tables are secure, and your
seat backs in the full upright position.
Your overthruster
is in place, Lord Whorfin.
It won't work! It won't work!
Shut up, John Bigbooty, you coward!
You're the weakest individual
I ever know!
We are cooking. Over.
Get away from that, boy,
or I'll drink your blood!
What you got there, son?
That's not real, is it?
Get 'em up.
H2 tank pressurisation, OK.
We're go for launch.
John Many Jars, establish overthruster
beam red. Over. Activate oscillator.
Pace accelerator's shorting out!
John O'Connor! My overthruster!
Wait! Don't leave! Don't leave!
This is vacuum cylinder three.
If he can't connect the dots,
they never gonna penetrate.
Cabin fluid valves were closed.
Problem is corrected. Over.
What is that?
Is OK. No worry.
Is an insulating liquid.
Full speed ahead!
May I remind you to fasten your seat belts
and extinguish all smoking material.
We haven't a chance!
Your overthruster's for shit!
One more word out of you, Bigbooty...
Bigboot! T! T!
Welcome aboard, Banzai. You're next.
Let's go home.
The wall is softening.
- Inertial overtones obtaining command.
- Oh, no.
Danger! Danger! We do not have
crossover. Negative mass is spreading.
We're not in the Eighth Dimension.
We are over New Jersey.
All is not lost...
Stand by to incinerate Smolensk.
Jettison!
So sorry, gentlemen,
but I must dump the excess baggage.
Arrivederci, Banzai!
- Where's the power?
- I'm a diplomat! I failed flight school.
What do we do, jump-start it?
Rocket stabiliser.
What this?
Looks like a gun.
John Parker, take this wheel.
Right, just... just hold onto that.
It flies like a truck.
Good. What is a truck?
Electric beam is fine, Lord Whorfin.
Thermopod on our tail. Over.
Banzai! Oh, so you wanna play games?
- Let's just stabilise her?
- Wanna play hide-and-seek? Huh?
OK. OK. Start left. Go left. More, more,
more, more. Left, left. Left! I said left!
- This is left!
- I mean my left. Go your right.
Go.
Feet, do your stuff!
Faster! He's gaining.
More, more, more. Lock in, lock in,
lock in. Now dive, dive, dive, dive, dive.
Whorfin... sayonara.
Banzai! I'll see you in hell!
We've got him!
- Pull up!
- It's stuck!
John Whorfin... destroyed.
Deactivate particle beam.
Tracking 0-0-0.
I thought you bought it.
- Yeah, me too. Where's Penny?
- At the bus.
New Jersey helped me bring her back.
- How is she?
- He said he'd pull her through.
Quite a guy, if you want my opinion.
You give me that gizmo
and I'll give you a brand new
crisp $20 bill. Huh?
- All right, I'll tell you what...
- Hey, Scooter! Fall in.
This what you're looking for, Buckaroo?
- Scooter... you got his job.
- All right!
- Wanna ride with me in the jet car?
- Wow! You know.
But I have to ask my dad first.
OK, you ask your dad, I'll wash up.
Aw.
I did all I could.
Buckaroo, President's on line one. Calling about is
everything OK with the alien space cloud,
or should he go ahead
and destroy Russia?
Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Which was "yes"?
To destroy Russia or number two?
Penny.
Careful.
You're all right.
You look awful.
You don't exactly light up
a party yourself... Penny Priddy.
So what? Big deal!
WATCH FOR THE NEXT ADVENTURE
OF BUCKAROO BANZAI
BUCKAROO BANZAI AGAINS THE WORLD CRIME LEAGUE
verifying mass acceleration.
Team Banzai rotational supervisor,
please confirm.
I want an electromagnetic
fuel reading from the launch.
We are T minus seven zero and holding.
Antigravity inertia reversal crosscheck.
Can we have a photographic
printout to the bunker?
T minus six zero three and holding.
Phaser positive. Latch compressor.
Multistage
axial compressor... latched.
Fuel pressure... 1800 torrs.
Commence pullback to
the launch sequence. Clear the launch.
Specific density is 2.5. Over.
You're kidding. He's still at the hospital?
Banzai hasn't showed yet, Mr Secretary.
Looks like he's got cold feet.
Well, better go see what's
keeping the boss, Reno.
Why me?
Cos I'm busy.
May I have the curved Yasargil, please?
It's not here, Dr Banzai.
Ah, let me have the straight one then.
See, this is the part where for me
it started looking like a problem.
I mean, I wanted to sacrifice the precentral
vein in order to get some exposure.
But because of this guy's normal variation,
I got excited and all the sudden I didn't know
whether I was looking at the precentral vein or one
of the internal cerebro veins or the Vein of Galen
or the Basilar vein of Rosenthal, so one my own me at
this point I was ready to say "That's it, let's get out".
See, you can check
your anatomy all you want,
and even though there may be normal
variation, if you get right down to it,
this far inside the head,
it all looks the same.
No, no, no. Don't tug on that.
You never know what it might be attached to.
This is control.
02 vents are closed. Looks good.
Dr Banzai is using the laser
to vaporise a pineal tumour
without damaging
the quadrigeminal plate.
Subcutaneous microphone gonna
allow the patient to transmit
verbal instructions to his own brain.
- Like "Raise my left arm"?
- Or "Throw the harpoon".
People are gonna come from all over.
This boy's an Eskimo.
You ever thought about
joining me full time?
What do you mean? You serious?
Do you have an opening?
Uh-huh. Can you sing?
A little. Yeah. I can dance.
Hey, it's Buckaroo.
We have Buckaroo descending.
We have him on the launch parameter.
Inertial control positive.
T minus five four five. Resume counting.
Hey, hey, Rawhide!
All systems righteous.
Professor Hikita says we have a go.
I'm teeing off in an hour and a half.
What's this jalopy supposed to do anyway?
- 500 miles an hour, General.
- Oh, Senator, you're so gullible.
Please clear the launch grid.
Please clear the launch grid.
HB 88, this is control.
Driver's door check secure.
...B, C, D, E...
- Clear the area!
Control, this is HB 88.
Commander's voice check. Over.
Roger, HB 88. Read you. Out.
Control, this is HB 88.
Event timer started. Over.
HB 88, this is control.
APU start is go.
You are on your
on-board computer. Over.
Roger, I copy.
- Altimeters? Compasses?
- Set and crosschecked.
- Reserve brake system two?
- Closed and guarded.
- Gear handle?
- Down and in.
- Throttles and start levers?
- Closed, off.
- Number four electric hydraulic pump and press?
- On and checked.
- Parking brake?
- Set. Press checked.
- Radios, radar and transponder?
- Set and stand by.
HB 88, this is control.
IMU alignment in progress.
We show 28 degrees, 36 minutes.
30.32 seconds north...
by 80 degrees, 36 minutes.
- 14.8 seconds west.
HB 88, this is control.
Ground crew secure. Over.
- INS ram coordinates.
- Form one, fuel ticket?
- On board.
- Circuit breakers?
Point of no return. Five, four, three...
- We have main engine start.
...two, one.
Electronuclear carburation seems fine.
He's fast. I'll give Banzai that. But one
heat-seeking missile and he's history.
This is control. APU start is go.
You're on your on-board computer. Over.
They are reading you on the localiser
downrange. Looks good. Over.
HB 88, this is control.
Speed steady at 317 nautical.
400 and accelerating!
Horizontal velocity is expanding. Over.
- Four... three...
- Here he comes.
...two... one.
- Where's he going?
- Yeah!
He is off course.
This is Chase One. Over.
He has broken trajectory...
50 cylinder. There is an immediate
fire hazard. Do you read?
- Roger.
- Do you read?
Advise you abort. Over.
Repeat: Advise you cancel phase two!
- What the hell's phase two?
- That's a big no-can-do.
Buckaroo, are you decompressing? Over.
- He's broken the sound barrier!
- Mach 1.3.
Buckaroo, do you read?
Commence braking procedure. Over.
Just be cool. She'll hold.
Axis negative.
Pneumatic pressure negative.
We are looking at 500 degrees...
We are in pursuit.
He is gaining. Over.
He's headed for the mountains!
Eject, Buckaroo! Eject!
HB 88, do you read? Do you read? Over.
This is control. Do you read?
Unsafe levels of...
Standby recirculation has been activated.
HB 88, this is control. Do you...
Hotel Brava 88 do you read?
Do you read? Over.
- What is going on?
- It's off my scope.
This is Chase One. We got his tracks.
They go right up to a wall of rock.
Holy shit!
This is Chase Two. Chase Two.
We see him. We see him.
We have him. Chase Two reports
a visual 100 miles off course.
Banzai!
He's gone through it.
He's gone through the mountain.
It has deployed there.
There is a minimal disturbance
in the electromagnetic field.
Antigravity inertia is normal.
Mass acceleration is diminishing. Over.
He is OK.
The vehicle is hot, but we are
showing no radioactivity. Over.
HB 88, this is control. We see you.
Welcome home. Over.
We show electrical-field aberrations
on the windshield.
We are getting a localised vibration
of the drive train and a minor oil leak.
Buckaroo, can you verify
operational capability?
HB 88, this is control.
We are reading an electrical
field aberration of 993
on your windshield, static and fracture.
Can you confirm? Over.
HB 88, this is control.
Do you hear me? Over.
We are getting localised vibration on
your drive shaft. Can you verify? Over.
HB 88, a retrieval vehicle
will rendezvous in ten minutes. Over.
Well, there it is,
tyre tracks right up to a wall of rock.
Perfect Tommy, Rawhide, Reno -
cute guys of the Hong Kong Cavaliers,
Buckaroo's most trusted inner circle.
Could you elaborate on that device,
I believe, dubbed the "oscillator"...
- Oscillation overthruster.
- Hikita!
- Thank you, Allison.
- That dirty little Asian critter!
Tranquillisers are being dispensed
to all patients between 10 and 11 am,
Tuesday, Friday and Wednesday.
The sound barrier crumbles,
and then the dimension barrier.
It was, Buckaroo Banzai said, exactly like
Professor Hikita had glimpsed in 1938
through the overthruster he and Dr Emilio
Lizardo put together from spare parts
in a laboratory at Princeton.
1938. Can you imagine what it
must have been like then?
Molto grazie, Dr Lizardo.
Almost ready, Dr Lizardo! Almost.
Electromagnets, they are charging.
Catapult, she's wired!
No. Not yet. No!
Whoo!
No, not yet! Not yet! I'm not ready!
- He did not go through the wall.
Holy Toledo!
Facile. Sotto, dottor.
Emilio?
...asked what he saw,
asked where he went,
Dr Banzai replied "Vast chasms
of hissing swamp, spurts of flame,
huge thunderclaps
and gurgling rock formations."
Lithium is no longer
available on credit.
G-sub-E...
Ges Cristo, make the ganglia twitch.
We're home free.
Home... home is where
you wear your hat.
I feel so break up, I want to go home!
Hello, Doc. Who are we today?
Albert Einstein?
No. Lord John Whorfin.
If there's one thing I hate,
it's to be mistaken for somebody else.
Cheer up, Lizardo. It's Friday. I got
a care package from your yo-yo friends.
Hey, Signore...
grazie tanto.
Thanks, Doc.
I come for your TV.
You've been using too much juice.
Another 10,000 kilowatts
again this month.
It beats me how an old homicidal
loony can use that much power.
Go on, take it! I don't need it!
Tomorrow I'm goin' home
with my overthruster.
That's terrific, Doc.
I'll make sure you get
an early wake-up call.
Laugh while you can, monkey boy.
Buckaroo, I've done
a spectrographic analysis
on the specimen you pulled
off the jet car drive shaft.
Rawhide, what do you think?
I don't care if you walked
through a mountain in Texas.
This is New Jersey, and when you
play my joint, you're just another act.
- I want some music out of you.
- You want it, Artie? You got it.
Let's rock and roll!
Ladies and gentlemen, Artie's Artery
is proud to present for a single night only,
New Brunswick's own,
the one, the only, the amazing...
Buckaroo Banzai and
the Hong Kong Cavaliers!
Excuse me.
Excuse me, is someone out there
not having a good time?
Is somebody...
is somebody crying...
out there in the darkness?
Somebody crying?
Over here. I'm sorry.
Um, could we get... could we
get her a mike and a spotlight?
Tommy, could we run her a mike?
- What, are you serious?
- Yeah, run her over a mike.
What's your name?
- Who cares?
- Right.
Well, I care. What's your name?
- Penny.
- Did you say Peggy?
No. My name's Penny. Penny Priddy.
That doesn't matter.
It's not important.
I just... I just sponged up
a little too much Vat 69, that's all.
I'm down to my last nickel
in this lousy town,
and they wouldn't take
my luggage in hock.
I lost my room at the Y this morning.
But it's cool.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, now.
Don't be mean.
We don't have to be mean,
cos, remember...
no matter where you go...
there you are.
- I'm gonna sing this song for you, Peggy.
- No, Penny! Who cares?
I don't have plans and schemes...
And I...
Don't have hopes and dreams...
I don't have anything...
- This is weird.
- Sure is.
Since I don't have you...
- Yeah, I...
- Who's the girl?
Don't have fond desires...
I don't have happy hours...
I don't have anything...
- Get her outta here now! Let's go!
- Let me go! Let me go, you freaks!
- Wait. Wait a minute. Wait.
- Kill that spot. Kill it!
...festive briefing by the
Banzai Institute. Tomorrow...
Where you think you're going, Doc? The moon?
- No, no. Planet Ten.
- Planet Ten. Why, pray tell?
- Operator?
- Doc, put down the phone.
Operator? I wanna make a call
to a Mr John Bigbooty
at Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems
over in Grover's Mill.
And you tell him that
it's John Whorfin calling.
That's W-H-O-R-F-l-N.
You got that, honey?
- John. J-O-H-N.
- This better be collect, Doc.
Bigbooty? Of course it's me, you fool!
Who do you think?
The time has come, Bigbooty.
Prepare for my return.
Well, haven't you heard?
Don't you watch TV?
Banzai and Hikita have done it.
They have opened the window!
Si. Si. So meet me at the factory.
And get their overthruster.
And Hikita, too.
Sure. Alive.
No, no, don't worry about me.
I'll get my own ride.
Evil will not prevail. That was...
Arrivederci, Jersey.
Goodbye, goodbye to her...
- It's the spittin' image.
- Doesn't look anything like her.
Pictures don't lie.
Hell they don't. Met my first wife that way.
It's Peggy to these eyes. It's the
same nose. It's the same hair.
Plus, Buckaroo has to think so too
or else he wouldn't be ready
to make a fool of himself.
Just hot off the World Watch Wire, Buckaroo.
Thought you'd wanna be notified.
Remember that old Italian pal
of the professor's?
- Emilio Lizardo.
- Yeah.
Last night he kills a guard, breaks out of
Trenton Home for the Criminally Insane.
Ten minutes later, he cops a Maserati
Bora. Totalled it a block away.
Holy moly.
- Maserati Bora.
- Mm-hm. That ain't all.
He's vanished. Thin air.
- Dr Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
- You're thinking of Mr Wizard.
This guy is a
top scientist, dummkopf.
- So was Mr Wizard.
- Dr Emilio Lizardo is a raving lunatic, Perfect Tommy.
A vicious psychopath.
Just as soon kill you as go fishin'.
Buckaroo, look at this.
Grossly-abnormal high-altitude
electrostatic disturbance
- moving down over Connecticut.
- From the jet car, do you think?
No, not from the jet car.
Check with NORAD Command.
It could be above-ground atomic testing
in China. Maybe sunspot activity.
Man, that's strange.
Scientists at Strategious Space Command have detected
a mysterious radioactive cloudlike
mass over southern New England.
Sources close to the National Security
Consortium have refused to comment.
Let's get on back to three
great modern country hits in a row.
- Sidney!
- Buckaroo!
- How's the patient?
- Fine, thanks to you.
- But more importantly: Congratulations!
- Thank you.
You drove right through
a mountain the other day.
You did it right after you left me at the operation.
You haven't even said anything about it.
- Didn't mention it.
- Sidney, these are my friends.
This is my colleague Dr Sidney Zwibel, old
medical friend from Columbia P and S.
- Howdy. How you're doing?
- Listen, Sidney, I'm glad you could make it.
Cos it looks like we may need an
extra hand sooner than I thought.
Aha, I see. That's what I was wondering about.
I got your message about rendezvousing
at this address. Barely had time to pack.
- Then I came here...
- I can see that.
I'm gonna snoop around.
Make yourself at home.
You know, I thought we were gonna
rehearse or something.
I'm a big fan of all you guys. I love
the comic books and the records.
I know you. You're Pecos.
- Perfect Tommy.
- Perfect Tommy. I'm sorry.
- You're Pecos.
- Pecos is in Tibet. Name's Reno.
- Reno! It's an honour.
- Where do you hail from, Doc?
- Uh, New Jersey. Fort Lee.
- Where are your spurs at?
Is he making fun of me?
Third cell to the left. Pink dress.
Arigato.
What do you want? Huh?
What are you doin' here?
What are you doing here?
Why don't you just go away
and let me rot?
Who were you really trying
to annihilate last night?
You. Just like the papers all say.
Come over here.
Come on.
Oh, my God! Perfect Tommy!
What do you want from me?
Oh, you remind me of someone
I once knew long ago.
Was she very beautiful?
She was... queen of the Netherlands.
That's a long way
from where I come from.
Wyoming? Cody, Wyoming?
No, I'm from Laramie.
Except that I was born in Cody,
but nobody...
Do you have family?
Back in Cody, I mean?
I don't know.
See, I always felt that there was
another part of me somewhere.
Another part of you?
Somewhere, yeah.
I'm adopted.
Of course!
If it was a snake, it'd have bit me!
- Another you.
- Anything's possible.
- Let her out!
- Hey, me too.
- Let her out?
- Yeah, let her out. I'll be responsible.
- She's a killer!
- No, she's not. And give her your coat.
Why me?
Because you're perfect.
You have a point there.
I'd like to move this thing along.
Perhaps some of you noticed we have
a motorcycle convention rolling in here.
We're a little short of time.
Besides, I don't imagine you
came here to listen to me talk.
You're right.
Without further ado, I'd like
to introduce a young man
who yesterday took our notions
of reality and turned them inside out.
Dr Buckaroo Banzai,
perhaps you can explain yourself.
Ooh.
Secretary, Senator Cunningham...
members of the world press.
30 years ago, almost to this day, my mother and
father, Doctors Sandra and Masado Banzai
gave their lives for what was then
considered to be a very insane notion...
the possibility of contacting alien life.
However, not on another planet. But here.
Maybe right inside this table...
living on a simultaneous plane
of existence with our own.
Perhaps within a mountain.
See this rock? It's solid matter, right?
But the solid parts of this rock - the
neutrons, quarks, protons and electrons -
comprise only about
one quadrillionth of its total volume.
- How many zeros is that?
- Quite a few.
The rest of this rock
is actually empty space.
So, back in 1937, Professor Hikita here
and Dr Emilio Lizardo
figured that if solid matter
were mostly just empty space,
a person should be able to discover
a way to travel inside things.
We at the Banzai Institute
have at last found that way.
We have created a device
called an oscillation overthruster,
which systematically reorders matter
by annihilating electrons, positrons...
I get it. What you're saying is that
oppositely-charged particles collide,
and blow each other up in a burst of energy.
Like a tiny big bang, like a... baby bang.
I'm probably just stating the very obvious.
Shut up, Penny. Shut up.
Oh, no. It's not obvious at all. If it was obvious,
everybody would be doing it every day.
See, by all accounts, it appears as though
I literally went right through a mountain.
But you could take that mountain
and pulverise it...
and sift through it like breadcrumbs
for the rest of your natural life...
and you would never ever find... this.
And yet this living organism came out
of that mountain in Texas with me.
Even though I was never
inside that mountain.
The president's calling.
- The president of what?
- The president of the United States.
Oh. Here.
Later.
- Is he still delirious?
- I can't tell. It's real fuzzy. I patched him
through to a payphone down the hall.
- Do your thing.
- Buckaroo, you forgot your thruster.
Why don't you hold onto it for a while?
Any time.
Do we have the first slide, please?
What about the Pentagon?
The possibility of war
in the Eighth Dimension, Mr Secretary?
What?
It seemed like a strange connection
even back at the bus.
Mr President?
Some kind of interference.
Hello, Mr President?
Mr President? Mr President, hello?
Hello, Mr President?
- What's going on?
- Maybe it's a prankster, some computer whiz kid.
Not with Elephant Bravo.
- Not with an alpha clearance.
- Alpha clearance? Hello? Mr...
Ed, go back to the bus and reroute this call to
the president's suite at Walter Reed Hospital.
Yeah, and make sure this is on the level.
We're busy people here.
Does the President call him a lot?
Pencil! Pen! Quick! Anything!
Don't touch him!
What's he writing?
Conference room!
Conference room! Let's go!
Launch thermopod.
- There they are.
- Dr Banzai.
- Don't you see 'em?
- What do you mean? Who?
Evil! Pure and simple from the
Eighth Dimension! Grab 'em!
- Lectroids! Grab 'em!
- Lectroids? He's got a gun.
OK, wise guy!
Let those gun belts hit the floor!
Nobody follows or the Prof is history!
- Where's Buckaroo?
- Get him.
- Where's the overthruster?
- Get an ambulance.
- Come on, will you just ignore them?
- Isn't that...?
Hey, wait a minute! You can't ride that!
It's Buckaroo Banzai!
- Hold it!
- Freeze!
- I had my eyes open all day long, Burt.
- It may not be a total loss.
- I'm about ready to go home.
- We might see something.
I hit it! It is wounded.
What'd it look like to you?
- Like a big black flying dinosaur.
- Dinosaur? It was purple.
- That's what it looked like. It was black.
- It was purple. It'll be dark before we even find it.
We get Professor Hikita
to cough up the crucial missing circuit
and then we finally get our butts off this rock!
Oh, yeah? Listen to this!
Well, what is it? What is it?
Black thermopod emergency beacon!
Here? On Earth?
- Why? John Bigboot, why?
- Coordinates established.
Electromagnetic energy
back on route three.
- The whole top of the tree's squashed!
- Do you think it up there?
Let's wait for the cops, Burt.
What for? Are you scared?
- There's gotta be something there.
- Come on, Burt. There's nothing up there.
Well, how do you know?
Here, hold this. Hold this!
Where you going? Where you going?!
Christmas shopping.
- What's that?
- It's a stick. What's it look like?
- Gimme some light, will ya?
- I got two guns in my hands.
- Put one of them down.
- I ain't putting the guns down!
- It's just a tree.
- Then leave it alone!
Aagh! See, I told you!
I told you! Leave it alone!
Run! Run! Run!
- Shoot it, Bubba. Shoot it!
- I can't! It's jammed! It's jammed!
There's something.
There's something coming out!
- Where?
- Out of the top.
Oh, my soul!
Throw me my gun, Bubba. Throw it.
Sorry.
Is he dead?
Yeah, I think so. But look
at his face. It's changing.
And his hair...
his hair is all disappeared.
- What's that smell? You smell electricity?
- He's crackling. We're standing in water.
What is he, Burt?
Is he radioactive?
How the hell do I know?
Do I look like a nuclear genius?
He's probably from Mars.
Or Jupiter.
Jupiter? I hope he's alone.
- There's somethin' over there.
- Where?
Right there.
What is it?
Buckaroo Banzai. It's the latest issue.
Rawhide, come in. Rawhide.
Rawhide.
Buckaroo, what's up? Where in Hades
are you? I'm gettin' a lot of static.
Yeah. That's me.
I've been ionised, but I'm OK now.
Listen, I'm switching
on the homing beacon.
Mark two minute intervals... now.
Look, we got the overthruster. But someone
shanghaied the professor right from the conference.
- Oh, the deuce you say.
- What do you think?
- Dr Lizardo, maybe?
- Yeah, I'd put money on it.
- That crate.
- What crate?
The crate they shoved in that van.
You and the guys...
go back to the house and dig up
everything you can on an outfit called
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
- You got that?
- Right. Yoyodyne. We're on it.
Hand me that tarp, will ya?
Let's cover this guy up.
- Guy? What guy?
- He's got paws.
- Now what?
- Who are they?
Cover it up.
John Bigboot, Officer.
Head of Operations,
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
- There's one of our birds.
- That fella over there one of your birds, too?
The droid, you mean?
Doesn't look like anything I've seen
before. I mean, I've seen droids...
Nice night, huh?
That big thing over there attacked me.
Impossible. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah! It's some kinda creature.
There's part of it still stuck in the tree.
No, it's a machine with 30-foot
leather wings. I think it's radioactive.
Three minutes since he last moved.
This is a fix. Something is happening.
Let's get somebody over there.
Al, you set up the grid
and get the last known coordinates.
Tommy, hop on the Marconi
and see if we got Blue Blazes
in a ten-minute radius.
But no strike teams, Tommy, understand?
I'm headed downstairs.
Keep everybody calm.
- Hikita-san.
- Buckaroo!
Repeating: Intrastate outward band five.
Coded. Calling all Blue Blaze
irregulars in the Garden State.
Buckaroo... in trouble.
Will repeat coordinates.
This is Scooter Lindley, Junior Blue Blaze
irregular 41 and a half. Hang on.
- Dad! Dad! Buckaroo's in trouble!
- Say what?
Aliens from the Eighth Dimension.
I'm seeing them now.
You can see them now? Here?
Yeah, the three jerks driving this van.
Look at this. What is this?
It's your hand, Buckaroo.
No, no, no, no, it's a formula.
It's an antidote of some kind.
Whatever that was in that phoney call
from the president gave me information,
some electrochemical message that
allows me to see what they really are.
- What are they?
- Lectroids from Planet Ten
by way of the Eighth Dimension.
Mr Gomez?
- I got a truck on the way to help mop things up.
- Identification?
Or else this place'll become a zoo,
not to mention a haven for gawkers.
Wait a minute. Now just a second.
- Stay put. All of ya.
- Sure thing.
We'll go ahead and start breaking it down.
Don't touch it!
I got my own help on the way.
Now, that's an order.
Go find something to crack it open.
There's a Harley in those bushes.
I want you to get out and go to the laboratory,
start working on this formula.
- I want you to synthesise it.
- Buckaroo! Give me the formula.
Oh, wow!
Peggy!
She's not Peggy, Mrs Johnson.
Sois sage, mon amie.
No. Of course not. How could she be?
- Any word from Buckaroo?
- No, I thought he was with you guys.
No, he's not. Ah, Dr Zwibel,
Penny Priddy... Mrs Johnson.
Nice to meet you.
The fellas call me New Jersey.
- Well, where are they all going?
- Bunk house. Off limits.
Again, John Gomez!
John O'Connor,
there's a crowbar in the truck.
I'll get it.
Destroy yourself, John Gant.
Set detonator.
Detonator set.
My most profuse apologies
to my homeland and loved ones.
John Valuk is dead. He fell on his head.
Perhaps John Parker will get through
with our message to Buckaroo Banzai.
I said back off! Now, dammit, I mean it!
Hey! Hey, leave him alone! Ugh!
Easy, friend. Ha, Buckaroo Banzai!
Hey!
It's Buckaroo Banzai! Get him!
Hustle up!
Scooter Lindley, Blue Blaze Irregular.
- It is! It is Professor Hikita.
- We're closing the gate. Please, step back!
- Where's Buckaroo?
We gotta have something for him.
Try a new cipher.
- Try a G-cipher.
- G-cipher.
There...
That's more like it.
Looks like we've accessed their restricted
data file. Could be highly revealing.
No sign of Buckaroo. The professor
just rode up saying something
about space monsters and where's the
overthruster. Went straight to the lab.
Space monsters, my ass.
Hey, man, nice jacket.
What's in the big pink box?
Hey, buddy. May I help you?
Hello! Buckaroo Banzai!?
You a messenger? What you got here?
No, no, wait a minute.
I need see Buckaroo Banzai in person.
My name is John Parker.
Identify yourself, no?
Blue Blaze irregular Pinky Carruthers.
Sorry, John, everybody
needs see Buckaroo. Later.
Gino, run this down to the professor for me.
Sounds like he's getting a little nervous.
- This is queer. Look.
- What's up? What you got?
All these people applied for social security cards
in the same town in New Jersey on exact same date.
New Jersey?
46 Yoyodyne employees,
Grover's Mill, New Jersey,
11-1-38.
I got some pictures, boys.
It looks like a practical joke.
Check out these names:
John Yaya? John Parrot?
John Bigbooty?
Maybe not.
John Nolan? John O'Connor?
No way, Jos.
John Small Berries? It's a joke. Maybe
that's what Buckaroo was talking about.
No, Reno, there are no ages
and no places of birth.
Uh, Grover's Mill. Grover's Mill, 1938.
Why's that so familiar?
They all have the same first name.
John, John, John, John, John.
Somebody's playing games.
This is statistically impossible.
No, no, no. Wait a minute,
wait a minute, um...
November one. October.
30 days have September, April,
June, November. Short February.
And all the rest have 31. October 31st.
Halloween.
Oh, um...
Don't you get it? Orson Welles.
You mean the guy from
the old wine commercials?
Halloween, 1938. War of the Worlds,
that fake radio news broadcast
that got everybody scared,
thinking real, live Martians...
were landing in Grover's Mill...
New Jersey.
Then it all just turned out to be a hoax.
So?
So... maybe it wasn't a hoax.
Or, I mean, maybe it isn't a hoax.
If we don't find the overthruster,
Whorfin'll have us for supper.
Who says the damn
thing's even here?
Come on! Come on!
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
All right, who's the wise guy?
I said, who's the wise guy?
It's locked.
John O'Connor, smash the window.
Why me, John Bigboot?
It might be booby-trapped.
Oh.
- Buckaroo!
- Mrs Johnson, this is Casper and Scooter Lindley.
Is Hikita-san here yet? Where's
the overthruster? Where's Penny?
Prof is in the lab with the overthruster. Penny's
in the right wing guest room. Everybody's safe and sound.
- They're lectroids, Buckaroo.
- From Planet Ten.
- Planet Ten? How do you guys know?
- It's all on the yellow record. Come on.
- Casper Lindley.
- Reno.
- Yellow record?
- However, they didn't come here on a nonstop flight.
They blasted through the Eighth
Dimension in 1938 over in Grover's Mill.
Where there was a huge
electrical dimensional accident.
Some giant explosion. And they hypnotised
Orson Welles into covering it up.
So, first he says there's
an invasion from Mars,
but then he says, no, no, no,
it's just a radio-show hoax.
- Get it?
- No.
- Let's go.
- Orson Welles? What about Yoyodyne? What about Dr Lizardo?
- That's what we're trying to tell you.
- There's someone living inside him.
- Buckaroo.
- Pinky.
Put this on. Here, y'all put these on.
There's more in the box and there's one over there.
- What's this?
- It came with the record. It's like a 3-D type thing.
How am I supposed to know
he's from outer space?
This Rasta guy pedals up to the front gate
and delivers it all in a pink cake box.
- What? What for?
- We don't know. It wouldn't tell us.
- It wants to talk to the head honcho.
- Lights.
Salutations, great Buckaroo Banzai.
I am John Emdall from Planet Ten.
A common, grave danger
confronts both our worlds.
- After a bloody reign of terror...
- Hey, what is that?
...the hated leader of a military caste...
the self-proclaimed "Lord" John Whorfin,
a bloodthirsty butcher
as evil as your Hitler...
Oh, wow!
...was overthrown
by freedom-loving forces...
tried and condemned, along with
several hundred of his followers,
to spend eternity in the formless void
of the Eighth Dimension.
Did you tell Penny that
Buckaroo's looking for her?
I looked in her room.
She wasn't there.
- Who's Penny?
- Where is she?
Will everybody shut up
so I can hear the rest of this thing?
And now you, Buckaroo Banzai, have
unintentionally helped John Whorfin
with the success of your
oscillation overthruster.
For our intelligence warns us that
he intends to steal your overthruster.
If he should attempt this,
we will have no choice
but to disrupt worldwide
electronic communications
and fire a particle-beam weapon
from your airspace
to Smolensk in the Union
of Soviet Socialist Republics.
That an action that the Kremlin will most certainly
misinterpret as an American first strike.
- They're already a little trigger-happy.
- Stop John Whorfin before sunset.
If you fail, we will be forced
to help you destroy yourselves.
- If it ain't one thing, it's another.
- Lighten up.
End of discussion.
Discussion? What discussion?
She gotta be kidding, right?
Vaporise the whole damn planet?
- You wanna roll those dice, Casper?
- No, no, no, not me, man. No way.
Gents... we're going to Yoyodyne.
Rawhide, see how Hikita-san is
with that formula.
Billy, tell Sam to prep
the jet car for city driving.
What about a Blue Blaze strike team?
We keep it intimate. Call the Kolodny
Brothers. Call the Rug Suckers.
- Where are you going?
- Get my guns.
His guns?
Okay, okay, I'm a girl. I don't deny it.
I sneaked into your bedroom.
I invaded your privacy.
I went through your personal belongings.
- Mrs Johnson! I can never find anything around here...
- I took a bath!
- Penny, what's your problem?
- Me! You! That picture!
I'm going crazy. Who's that girl, Buckaroo?
What's going on around here?
You drag me out of jail.
You're like Jerry Lewis.
You give me hope to carry on, but then
you leave me in the lurch
while you strap on your six-guns.
What do you want from me?
- Who am I?
- As near as I can figure...
you had an identical twin sister and...
I married her.
But that's over now.
And she's gone and that's about all
there is, really, to say about that.
We don't know what to expect here.
It disagrees with all the standard pictures.
It's producing a magnetic force.
No, no. I'm wrong!
Hey!
Oh, tell me I'm dreaming.
- Ow!
- Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's...
- Buckaroo! Sorry. Sam's dead.
- Sam?
Someone broke into the jet-car.
Things are going haywire over at the lab.
Wait here. I'll be right back.
Oh, boy.
He's dead. Spread out.
They can't be very far off.
Okay. Tommy, check the biomedical labs.
Reno, take physics. Jersey, go with Reno.
- Where you going?
- Engineering.
Cowboy! Hold your gun
in front of you, man.
- Oh, I see. I got that. OK.
- It's cool.
Buckaroo, behind you!
- You... you OK?
- Yeah. Just let me catch my breath.
Professor went down into the purification
vent. He's got the overthruster.
All right.
Why is there a watermelon there?
I'll tell you later.
Buckaroo?
Rawhide?
Anybody?
Here, young lady. The overthruster.
Here, put this in your purse.
Get out of here!
Where's your overthruster?
Hikita-san!
Nice morning, huh?
It's just making my legs asleep.
- What the hell is wrong with him?
- I don't know. I don't know. Are you cold?
It's my spine.
- What're you still doing on this floor?
- I think it's cos I can't move my legs.
Ooh, damn!
- What is it? Apache?
- Arachtoid.
Oh, spiders. So I was right, huh?
We got the guy, Rawhide.
Sucker only tried...
- Any antidote for these things?
- No. Not at all.
- Come over here.
- Does that mean you're on our side?
That's right.
Man! Those things
pack a mean wallop, huh?
What are y'all looking at?
You're on the clock. Let's saddle up, huh?
Hey, man, they're stealing my helicopter!
They've got Penny!
She has the overthruster.
We'll get it back. We'll get it back.
It's... it's not Buckaroo Banzai per se,
Mr President. It's his men.
Foreigners, some of 'em.
Or their names have been changed.
Their true backgrounds
are shrouded in secrecy!
Now, all I'm saying is that this jet car
belongs in the hands of Defense.
I mean, if the Banzai Institute
doesn't want to sell it to us,
then we're gonna have
to take it from them!
In national interest, of course.
Come in.
Excuse me, Mr President, World Watch One.
Direct-incoming transmission.
Yeah.
Hello, Mr President, I know your back is killing you,
but I have a developing situation here
and I must speak frankly.
Buckaroo...
Secretary of Defense McKinley
and my National Security Advisor
Smirnoff, are visiting me,
but I have no secrets from them.
Well, something has reared
its ugly head in outer space, Mr President,
and it looks like the Earth is caught in a crossfire.
We have reason to believe
that there are vicious red aliens
walking freely among us,
posing as the owners and operators
of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems.
Yoyodyne Propulsion... the people
working on our Truncheon Bomber?
- In the hands of foreign nationals?
- Excuse me, Mr President. Time is short.
In order to prevent
John Whorfin's escape,
my comrades are at this very moment
taking up a geostationary position
over New Jersey.
This situation is explosive.
- Who the hell is that?
- Explosive, what are you saying man?
Some kind of race war in New Jersey?
No, Mr President, no.
This man as you call him is not
a human being at all, but is, in fact,
a black lectroid named John Parker
from the very same Planet Ten.
And his spaceship is, at this moment,
anchored above Yoyodyne.
Yoyodyne.
- Buckaroo, my good friend...
- That's it!
These red creatures, they must
somehow give off the bacteria.
We breathe it. It swims up our nose
into our cerebral cortex
where it talks to our brain cells.
Tells us to see exactly
what they want us to see.
Electric brainwashing.
Diabolical. They got us so confused...
Buckaroo, I don't know what to say.
Lectroids from Planet Ten?
Nuclear extortion?
A girl named John?
Buckaroo, Lectroid Wing Commander.
Excuse me, Mr President,
I have to go talk to the hornet's nest.
Good God.
Well, if it wasn't Buckaroo Banzai,
I'd say commit the man.
Get me SAC Headquarters, Omaha,
NORAD and the Strategic Space Command.
I want some hard data on that cloud.
John, get out in the field.
Stick your beak into this one.
- What is this thing made of?
- Cobalt and electricity.
They're armed for bear, Buckaroo.
World Watch One.
Buckaroo.
It's Whorfin.
Dr Banzai?
Yes, this is Emilio Lizardo.
Maybe you don't remember me.
Ah. I'm flattered.
We know the same people.
Yeah. In fact, one of them
is with me right now.
Your associate...
Dr Penny Priddy.
Doctor?
May I pass along my congratulations
for your great
interdimensional breakthrough.
I'm sure in the miserable annals of
the Earth, you will be duly enshrined.
However... Miss Priddy claims
to be unable to solve my problem
and provide me with
the crucial missing circuit
for my overthruster!
He hasn't found it. He hasn't found it.
Maybe you can convince her to try.
John O'Connor!
I'm not worth it, Buckaroo! Forget about me!
- They'll never break me. Never!
- Penny, get off the phone.
Dr Lizardo, really what does she know
about an overthruster? She's not a scientist.
Shall we play...
a Penny for your thoughts?
Maybe you can come in her place, huh?
Yoyodyne, Banzai. You know the address.
Come alone and bring your overthruster!
He'll come. I know his type.
Take her to the pit!
Go, Bigbooty!
Use more honey!
Find out what she knows.
These breathing devices Hikita-san has cooked up
will enable you to see them
as they really are, as I've been seeing
them since yesterday - as Lectroids.
In our eyes, they're not very pretty.
Nothing personal, John Parker.
If we blow this today...
there ain't no tomorrow.
We have only 240 minutes remaining.
Right. I'm working under the assumption
that Penny still has the overthruster,
but this psycho Whorfin doesn't
know that. So that'll be my job.
To get her and it back in one piece.
Your objective is to 86 Whorfin.
You know your two strike groups.
Apache group, that's you, Reno.
Chaparral group, that's you, Perfect
Tommy. Parker'll ride with Chaparral.
It's my guess that no human being
has ever been inside the place.
So who knows what we're gonna find
there. Top priority is the overthruster.
Without it, Whorfin
can't get off this planet.
This homing device will probably
make it very easy to find.
And maybe a lot harder to get back.
Strategic Space Command now reports
all the surveillance satellite
communication jammed.
Jammed? By who? Who by?
Possible atmospheric conditions, sir.
- Solar.
- Solar?
Intelligence confirms that Soviets
are having the same problem.
Should we be on Code Red?
We go to Code Red,
the Russians go to Code Red.
No sense going off half-cocked, Mr President.
I don't know, but Buckaroo Banzai
has never been wrong before.
The man's been through solid matter,
for crying out loud.
Who knows what happened to his brain.
Maybe it scrambled his molecules.
All I'm saying is,
Mr President, let's not panic.
What's happening?
Electromagnetic pulsar.
Russians just gone to
Defense Condition Two, sir.
We've no choice, then.
Mr President, I am a soldier,
and I'm a damn good one.
I've got enough decorations
to snap a Christmas tree.
All I'm trying to say is - and I hope
I speak for everyone in this room -
is that I am scared.
I'm barely holding my fudge right now.
Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl,
General, and pull yourself together.
I'm glad someone has
the balls to face facts.
- Don't embarrass us.
- Have I ever?
Give me 30 minutes,
then come in and mop up.
Shut up!
I've had enough of you, Penny Priddy!
Well... Mrs Johnson, thank you.
It's certainly food for thought.
No answer at the Kremlin, sir.
Just dead silence.
Then I guess the moment is upon us.
Here you go, Mr President.
The Presidential Emergency Action Document.
For your eyes only.
John Hancock these, and Hail Mary.
You know, on second thought, maybe
we should think this through a bit more
so that future generations
of Americans will...
Oh, wow.
"Declaration of War: The Short Form."
Bring that thing right through the gate.
Straight ahead, straight ahead, come on.
Blacks... are on this planet!
Here, in New Jersey!
Coming to destroy us!
We must act!
Escape or die!
We must work faster
to finish the great vehicle itself,
so we can enter the Eighth Dimension
and free our trapped comrades!
So we can return home
and seize power once again!
- What is the greatest joy?
- The joy of duty!
- Louder!
- The joy of duty!
History is made at night.
Character is what you are in the dark!
We must work while the clock,
she's ticking.
- We hide, they seek!
- Death to the Black Lectroids!
- Where are we going?
- Planet Ten!
- When?
- Real soon!
Come on over here. Bring it this way!
This way!
Now park it.
There's no overthruster!
Get him here! Get him outta there!
I wanna see his face!
It's not here!
Take him to the shock tower.
The equations. Solve them.
Enter your data on this keypad.
And you better be right.
The shock tower is a lie detector.
Any falsehood triggers a brutal charge
to your auditory meatus.
- Open circuit.
- So?
You're not getting jack from me until
you let Penny out of this junkyard.
Curse you, Banzai!
Don't you realise what are you saying?
Your whole planet is gonna be destroyed
and you sit here wasting time?
Time? I got nothing but time.
Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife.
Doomed is your soul
and damned is your life.
Buzz off.
Bigbooty...
more power to him.
Bigboot.
I want my missing circuit, now!
- Is there something I can help you with?
- Is Buckaroo upstairs?
Hello, Mr Secretary.
Where is he?
- That won't work either.
- Porco Giuda!
Hey, Banzai.
Take a look at your girlfriend.
Devo lavorare con persone idiota!
She'll live... but only for a while.
And she won't enjoy it.
Only you can save her from a fate
even worse than that of
your friend, Mr Rawhide.
Missing circuit's in your head, Whorfin.
Bigbooty...
activate your probes.
Slow this sucker down.
I'll handle these birds.
You gentlemen have a telephone? You wanna jump
on the horn and get Mr John Bigboot.
It's Bigboot.
Oh, hell, if you wanna do anything
nowadays, you gotta do it yourself.
- What is your name?
- John Yaya.
John Yaya, huh? And you are?
"John Small Berries."
- He's down there. I feel it.
- We're not...
- It's a nest.
- Birds nest. People don't nest.
Red Lectroid.
Don't touch it. It might be a bomb.
Nah, it's a toy.
- Sit down!
- Sir? Hey, that area's restricted.
Yeah? Not to me!
This I know. This I know.
And I love Whorfin too.
- What is this place?
- It's a bivouac. They sleep here.
- Can they all shoot stingers?
- You better believe it.
- Lizardo. Which way?
- Over there.
- You sure?
- Believe it.
Just once.
- Where...?
- Shh.
What's going on? Where are we?
It's a bivouac, man. They sleep here.
What's happening?
John Isaac, get the boy! Andiamo!
Bigbooty! Go down to the pit. Kill the girl!
Scooter! Where are you?
Hey, somebody turn off
that gosh dang klaxon!
Work. Work. Work.
There are monkey boys in the facility.
You are secure.
Do not panic.
John Emdall must die.
Lord Whorfin must live.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Sidney.
- Buckaroo!
It's good to see you, pal. You got a pistol?
Yeah.
What are you gonna use?
- Where are we?
- I hate to tell you.
Where are we going?
This way.
Get over here.
Keep your noses to the grindstone.
The greatest joy is the joy of duty.
Work. Work. Work.
Monkey boys are feeble.
Lord Whorfin is supreme!
Bigboot! Bigboot! Hold on a minute,
I wanna talk to you.
What the hell's the matter with you?
You deaf? I said I wanna talk to you!
Jesus!
What the hell is going on here,
Bigboot? Where's my bomber?
Bigboot. John O'Connor,
put the slug on the track.
I don't give a flying handshake
what your name is!
I'm here to see a bomber!
This sure ain't it.
Let's just go back upstairs to my office.
Talk about this like
two reasonable beings.
You listen to me. Your private life,
that's your own concern.
But I'm here to see a bomber
and I'm damn sure gonna see it now!
Look at this place. Don't you have
any pride? It looks like a damn pigsty!
It's not my goddamn planet.
Understand, monkey boy?
- Let's get outta here, O'Connor.
- But Whorfin said we could kill her.
(lectroid #5 growls)
You owe me one, Buck.
It's not over yet.
I may be down but I'm not out.
What is that? Don't pick it up. No.
Penny.
How's she doing?
- I don't know.
- There's no overthruster.
- Buckaroo Banzai!
- What?
There is little time!
You better come quickly
if your planet is still important to you.
Leave her to me.
You take care of business.
Thanks.
- Go. Go.
- Right.
- Where's Buckaroo Banzai?
- He's flown the coop.
- Is the girl dead?
- Yes!
Then sound the call to board the ship.
Without the crucial missing circuit,
we'll never make it!
They're only monkey boys! We can still
crush them here on Earth, Lord Whorfin!
No. It's time to go home.
Bigbooty, you carry my overthruster.
John O'Connor...
you stick by my side.
The great vehicle itself
is now in final boarding state.
What is that?
It's a troop ship. Lord Whorfin.
Massacre them without quarter!
Tell the flight attendants to close
the doors and prepare for a crosscheck.
If you are not inside the great vehicle
itself, you have missed the boat.
We are go for launch.
Do not obstruct the great vehicle.
Do not take to the floor.
Lord Whorfin will return
for all those left behind.
Clear the great vehicle. Voltage is rising.
Electromagnetic field is rising.
John O'Connor! Install my overthruster!
...all carry-on baggage
overhead and secure.
Electromagnetic field...
- What is this?
- It looks like one of our thermopods.
But it's a very bad design.
Your tray tables are secure, and your
seat backs in the full upright position.
Your overthruster
is in place, Lord Whorfin.
It won't work! It won't work!
Shut up, John Bigbooty, you coward!
You're the weakest individual
I ever know!
We are cooking. Over.
Get away from that, boy,
or I'll drink your blood!
What you got there, son?
That's not real, is it?
Get 'em up.
H2 tank pressurisation, OK.
We're go for launch.
John Many Jars, establish overthruster
beam red. Over. Activate oscillator.
Pace accelerator's shorting out!
John O'Connor! My overthruster!
Wait! Don't leave! Don't leave!
This is vacuum cylinder three.
If he can't connect the dots,
they never gonna penetrate.
Cabin fluid valves were closed.
Problem is corrected. Over.
What is that?
Is OK. No worry.
Is an insulating liquid.
Full speed ahead!
May I remind you to fasten your seat belts
and extinguish all smoking material.
We haven't a chance!
Your overthruster's for shit!
One more word out of you, Bigbooty...
Bigboot! T! T!
Welcome aboard, Banzai. You're next.
Let's go home.
The wall is softening.
- Inertial overtones obtaining command.
- Oh, no.
Danger! Danger! We do not have
crossover. Negative mass is spreading.
We're not in the Eighth Dimension.
We are over New Jersey.
All is not lost...
Stand by to incinerate Smolensk.
Jettison!
So sorry, gentlemen,
but I must dump the excess baggage.
Arrivederci, Banzai!
- Where's the power?
- I'm a diplomat! I failed flight school.
What do we do, jump-start it?
Rocket stabiliser.
What this?
Looks like a gun.
John Parker, take this wheel.
Right, just... just hold onto that.
It flies like a truck.
Good. What is a truck?
Electric beam is fine, Lord Whorfin.
Thermopod on our tail. Over.
Banzai! Oh, so you wanna play games?
- Let's just stabilise her?
- Wanna play hide-and-seek? Huh?
OK. OK. Start left. Go left. More, more,
more, more. Left, left. Left! I said left!
- This is left!
- I mean my left. Go your right.
Go.
Feet, do your stuff!
Faster! He's gaining.
More, more, more. Lock in, lock in,
lock in. Now dive, dive, dive, dive, dive.
Whorfin... sayonara.
Banzai! I'll see you in hell!
We've got him!
- Pull up!
- It's stuck!
John Whorfin... destroyed.
Deactivate particle beam.
Tracking 0-0-0.
I thought you bought it.
- Yeah, me too. Where's Penny?
- At the bus.
New Jersey helped me bring her back.
- How is she?
- He said he'd pull her through.
Quite a guy, if you want my opinion.
You give me that gizmo
and I'll give you a brand new
crisp $20 bill. Huh?
- All right, I'll tell you what...
- Hey, Scooter! Fall in.
This what you're looking for, Buckaroo?
- Scooter... you got his job.
- All right!
- Wanna ride with me in the jet car?
- Wow! You know.
But I have to ask my dad first.
OK, you ask your dad, I'll wash up.
Aw.
I did all I could.
Buckaroo, President's on line one. Calling about is
everything OK with the alien space cloud,
or should he go ahead
and destroy Russia?
Tell him yes on one and no on two.
Which was "yes"?
To destroy Russia or number two?
Penny.
Careful.
You're all right.
You look awful.
You don't exactly light up
a party yourself... Penny Priddy.
So what? Big deal!
WATCH FOR THE NEXT ADVENTURE
OF BUCKAROO BANZAI
BUCKAROO BANZAI AGAINS THE WORLD CRIME LEAGUE