Transamerica (2005) Movie Script
I'm gonna say our mantra.
''This is the voice I want to use. ''
over and over again.
but with different inflections.
and I want you to try to mimic
what I'm doing.
This is the voice I want to use.
This is the voice I want to use.
Now. what we're gonna do
is press down on our tongue
and sot of watch what's happening
at the back of our mouths.
Ready?
Aaaah...
Any suicidal tendencies?
No.
You ever felt
as though you were being followed?
No.
Any history of family mental illness?
No.
Medical procedures to date?
The usual electrolysis.
three years of hormone therapy.
facial feminization surgery.
brow lift. forehead reduction.
jaw re-contouring.
and a tracheal shave.
You look very authentic.
I try to blend in.
Keep a low profile.
I believe the slang terminology
is ''Living Stealth. ''
Do you consider yourself
a happy person?
Yes.
l mean, no.
l mean...
l will be.
Miss Osbourne,
there's no such thing
as a right answer in this office.
Yes, l'm a very happy person.
How can l help you
if you won't be honest with me?
You can sign that consent form.
Please.
The American Psychiatric Association
categorizes gender dysphoria
as a very serious mental disorder.
After my operation,
not even a gynecologist
will be able to detect
anything out of the ordinary
about my body.
l will be a woman.
Don't you find it odd
that plastic surgery
can cure a mental disorder?
How do you feel about your penis?
lt disgusts me.
l don't even like looking at it.
What about friends?
They don't like it, either.
No, l mean,
do you have the support of friends?
l'm very close to my therapist.
What about your family?
My family is dead.
You take some hormones
And l'll take some hormones
l'll be a woman before you
Make me happy when skies...
Shit.
l mean darn.
Darn. l mean darn it.
Darn it, darn it, darn it.
Mmm.
Good night, Bree.
Sleep tight, Bree.
Hmm.
I Orale !
Oh!
This is the voice.
l...this...
this is the voice.
This is the voice.
Hello.
May l please speak to
Mrs. or Mrs. Bhumibol Niratpattanasani?
Mrs. Niratpattanasani,
this is Bree Osbourne calling
with a special introductory offer
from the National Home Shopping...
Hello?
Hello.
Stanley Schupak
doesn't live here anymore.
Who's calling?
Stanley doesn't have a son.
You must have the wrong number.
How old are you?
Why don't you call your mother?
Hello. May l please speak
to Mr. Jamal Niang?
Mr. Niang, it's Bree Osbourne calling
from the National Home Shopping Club
with a special introductory rate
of only $19.90...
Hello?
He signed it.
l am so proud of you!
Two signatures.
l hereby pronounce you officially legal
to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.
Thank you.
l just...
Mmm.
Thank you.
So...
What else is new?
l made my sales quota
for the month on Tuesday.
That pink lamb's wool cardigan
that l ordered arrived.
Oh, and this is odd.
l got a phone call last night
from a juvenile inmate
of the New York prison system.
- He claimed to be Stanley's son.
- No third person.
My son.
l thought you told me
that you were a virgin.
Hmm.
There was this one girl at college,
but the whole thing was so...
tragically lesbian that
l didn't think it counted.
Wow!
A son.
An alleged son.
He's probably just
some sort of scam artist.
What is he scamming you for?
Well, l guess we'll never know.
Nothing is gonna stop me
from checking into
that hospital next week.
l'm not gonna get dragged back
into Stanley's old life.
Stanley's life is your life.
Why don't you get in touch
with the mother?
She's dead.
Anyway, he's practically 1 8.
He's old enough
to take care of himself.
Bree...
this is a part of your body
that cannot be discarded.
l don't want you to go through
this metamorphosis
only to find out
you're still incomplete.
What if l...
visit him later...
after my surgery...
after l've settled into my new life?
When you're ready.
What are you doing?
l can't give this
to your surgeon right now.
Yes, you can.
Margaret, l can't miss
my surgery on Friday.
They're booked up a year in advance.
l'll wire bail money to New York.
l'll-l'll call a social worker
and have someone
check in on him.
What do you want me to do?
Bree, honey...
l just want you to be ready.
Hello. May l please
have the number
of the New York City
downtown lock-up?
MAN:
Mr. Schupak.
Ms. Schupak.
l mean, Ms. Osbourne.
l changed it.
Can l ask what your relationship
is to the prisoner?
Allegedly, l'm his...
allegedly, he's my son.
This is a new one.
According to this,
he shoplifted a frog.
Plus we have testimony
that he was in possession
of a small amount
of a suspicious-looking white powder,
although emergency services
was unable to recover the evidence.
Drugs?
ls he an addict?
Most of 'em are.
Most of whom are?
Are you aware that your son's
been hustling on the streets
working as a prostitute?
- How much is the bail?
- Bail's set at one dollar.
l can't possibly afford...
one dollar?
MAN:
Sabrina Claire Osbourne?
Meet Toby Wilkins.
Uh...
my friends call me Bree.
Jesus the reformer?
That's one of these churches
that sends missionaries out
to guide street people back to God.
No.
l'm...
...from the church
of the potential father.
l am a pilgrim
l am a stranger
Travelin' through
Oh, yes.
Dear God...
bless this food
and bless this restaurant
and all the people in it.
And everyone else...everywhere.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
in excelsis Deo.
Amen.
Do you have any percs?
Vicodin?
Anything with codeine?
Sorry. l'm all out.
So why don't you tell me
something about yourself.
l'm not naming any names.
l said about yourself.
ls Toby short for something?
A diminutive?
No, it's American.
Where do you come from?
Callicoon.
Where's Callicoon?
ln Kentucky. Duh.
ls that where your family is?
My mother's dead.
She had a stroke.
- ls there anyone else?
- l had a step-father.
- That's wonderful.
- Me and him don't get along.
Why not?
T.M.l.
Too much information.
What about grandparents?
Aunts, uncles?
l don't need any family.
l can take care of myself.
l'm a loner.
That's wonderful.
That's the spirit.
l've been meanin'
to thank you for bailin' me out.
You're welcome.
l decided in jail
l'm gonna give up hustling.
lt's degradable.
Degrading.
How many people
inhabit this place?
Three.
Dude, by the way,
l was just holding those drugs
for a friend.
l'm not stupid.
Junkies just live for the day.
No ambition or anything.
- You have ambition?
- Yeah.
l'm gonna get a career in the movies.
Ten, twenty, forty.
Sixty, eighty.
One hundred.
Here.
Will that hold you for a while?
Yeah.
Dude, this is great.
l wish you would
stop calling me dude.
Well, l best be on my way.
Got a flight to Los Angeles
first thing in the morning.
Maybe l'll see ya out there.
That's where they make
the movies, right?
l was gonna hitchhike out there
like, maybe, tomorrow.
You can't.
You don't wanna add
jumping bail to your permanent record.
l'll change my street name.
Something like Stanley.
Stan.
Stan the man.
That's my dad's name.
There's his picture.
He's with my mom.
Mmm.
You okay?
l'm a little dizzy.
Beverly Hills
is close to the ocean, right?
Maybe l'll learn how to surf.
Dye my hair blonde
for the movies.
They love blondes there.
l mean, blonde and blondes.
Stocks and blondes.
Bodacious blonde bottoms.
Not that l'm a bottom or anything.
Are you talking about
pornographic films?
Duh.
ls there a...
ladies room
in this establishment?
Oh!
- Hello.
- Margaret.
lt's Bree.
l'm in New York.
lt turns out this whole jail episode
was just a big mistake.
Talk to me.
He's a thoroughly independent
young man.
We're getting along famously.
He's going to come visit me
after my surgery,
and l promised to take him
to Disneyland.
l see.
So I tIhougIht I'd take
an early fligIht back tomorrow.
get back to work.
recoup some of tIhe money
I spent on tIhis trip
before my surgery next week.
- How are you?
- Right now,
l'm a little disappointed
because you're lying to me.
ls there anything else
you'd like to say?
There appears to be a step-father.
PerIhaps I can affect a reunion.
Have you ever head of
a place called Callicoon?
l just conferred with
my immediate superior at the church.
lt seems she feels
that getting you away
from this unwholesome
environment is my moral duty.
Free ride, free food,
free hotel rooms,
all the way to L.A.
Uh-huh.
Nothin's free.
You're gonna end up marryin' her
and spending the rest of your life
eating out cob-webby
old stank Christian pussy.
Hey, something
for the road, my man?
The finest Tecate.
Fuck, no, man.
l'm givin' that shit up.
Come on. lt's only
five dollars a bag over street price.
Convenience charge.
We could take it out of your cut
if she buys the car.
Fuck you, dude.
All right.
Whatever.
You're the man.
No, wait. Hey.
l'm not marrying you.
Glory Hallelujah.
Almost new fan belt.
l changed the oil
a couple of months ago.
Only 230,000 miles.
lt just needs a little paint.
That's all.
lt runs perfect.
Guaranteed.
l've already arranged a rental.
But with this one,
when you get to California,
you could resell, make a profit.
A profit?
Fasten your seatbelt.
l don't like wearing them.
Well, l don't like the idea
of seeing your internal organs
splattered all over the dashboard
in case we get in a wreck,
God forbid, so put it on.
See this shirt?
Only cost me two dollars.
- Quel surprise.
- And the shoes.
Three dollars-- $1 .50 each.
You know how much these things
are worth in Japan?
- Three dollars.
- Like $500.
Japanese people
will kill for old Nikes.
Then you probably
should avoid wearing them in Japan.
Yeah, l'd probably be,
like, disemboweled by a ninja.
You don't have to say ''Like.''
''Probably disemboweled
by a ninja'' is sufficient.
And please don't put your feet
up on the dashboard.
No smoking in the car.
l thought instead
of going west on route 95,
we'd wind through
the mountains on route 20.
- Route 20 takes us close to Callicoon.
- l don't want to go there.
What l find absolutely
beyond comprehension
is how a person can perform
all those intimate acts
with just any stranger off the street.
Why should you give a shit?
Because it's
the Christian thing to do.
How much money did you make
per...assignation?
Forty or fifty dollars.
Are we gonna be
goin' through Texas?
lt's a pretty hard state to avoid.
Do you have any money for some food?
Oh.
Uh, l'm sorry l can't offer you
a private room.
The church has to conserve
its resources.
l've charted us a course
on the nice little red routes.
Callicoon is only about
l don't wanna go there.
These are nice beds.
Don't you have any pajamas?
No.
Well, you should get some.
Good night.
Rise and shine.
Up, up, up.
We've got a schedule to keep.
Did l put on too much blush?
You're weird.
Hmm.
First place l lived was, like,
a hole in the wall off Avenue C.
l had, like, four roommates.
One was a junkie,
one was a crack head,
one was, like,
a junkie, and the other one was,
well, like, a junkie.
Like, like, like.
Did you know
tIhe Lord Of TIhe Rings is gay?
l beg your pardon.
There's this big,
black tower, right?
And it points right at
this huge burning vagina thing,
and it's, like,
the symbol of ultimate evil.
And then,
Sam and Frodo
have to go into this cave
and deposit their magic ring
into this hot, steaming lava pit.
Only at the last minute,
Frodo can't perform,
so Gollum bites off his finger.
Gay.
Take 'em away
Take 'em away, Lord
Take away these chains from me
My heart is broken
'cause my spirit's not free
Lord, take away
these chains from me
Some birds' feathers
are too proud to be caged
l know l'm not that colorful
But a bird just the same
Open up your gate now,
let me put down my load
So l can feel at ease
and go back to my home
Take 'em away
Take 'em away, Lord
Take away these chains from me
What the fuck you lookin' at?
l just didn't think it was right
to come so close to Callicoon
without at least passing through.
Toby!
Where are you going?
You are acting like
a spoiled child.
Oh, my God,
l can't believe my eyes.
lt's my sweet little angel baby.
Take away these chains from me
My heart is broken
'cause my spirit's not free
Just give me another hug.
Oh, l could wring your neck
like a chicken.
My favorite boy.
And all this time,
not even a phone call
to let me know if
you're alive or dead.
l was never your favorite.
Oh, that's what you think.
l used to look at him
out that window,
playin' all day with that big dog.
Toby lived near here?
Just two doors up the road.
So, what you
been doin' with yourself?
l wanna know everything.
He's been in New York,
working toward developing
a career in the film industry.
l'm goin' to California.
California?!
He always was the artistic type.
He used to have
this precious stuffed monkey
he carried around with him everywhere,
even to school.
Are you in
the movie business, too?
She's a missionary with the church.
Praise the Lord.
l'm an electrologist myself.
Oh.
lf you want, l can get
those couple of little hairs
up under your nose in nothin' flat.
My boss lady down at the salon,
she used to work out in California.
From what l hear, some of them
Hollywood beauties
used to be hairy as hogs.
There.
That oughta keep 'em from
stickin' their heads up again.
Thank you.
You ought to go on over
and say hello to your step-daddy.
- l don't wanna see him.
- Of course you do.
The man raised you.
Clothed you.
Fed you.
Sheltered you from harm.
He's your father...
for all practical purposes.
He always was a sensitive thing.
You gonna drive him
all the way to California?
l have to get some air.
Excuse me, and thank you.
- Yeah?
- Good evening.
Do you per chance
know a Toby Wilkins?
Who's askin'?
l am a bearer of glad tidings.
Your son has come home.
Good.
- Toby, Arletty.
l brought back a surprise.
Come on in.
Look who's here.
lf you can't bring
Mohammad to the mountain,
bring the mountain to Mohammad.
Look how much you've grown.
Toby, give your father a hug.
l was worried sick about you.
Why did you run off like that?
You know l missed you.
- lsn't this sweet?
- Mm-Hmm.
l know what you missed.
You missed my mouth.
You missed my ass.
You hush now.
What are these ladies gonna think?
You wanna fuck me
right here in front of 'em?
You shut up!
Bobby!
Was that good for you?
Come on, Bobby.
You liked it.
- You liked it in the garage.
- Shut up!
Come on.
Toby?
Honey?
This man is heavy with sin.
Put him in that chair there.
l don't know you,
Bobby Jensen.
He'll come to in a couple of hours.
This isn't my fault!
You never told me
why you didn't want to come home.
Where are you going?
Brought you some breakfast.
He's walkin' down to the highway ramp
to hitchhike hisself a ride.
He's a disappearing act, all right.
lt's the same thing he did
after his mama killed herself.
- She what?
- Mm-hmm.
Shut herself up in the garage
with the car on.
Toby found her there
when he come home from school.
Oh, God.
Lovely scenery
in this part of the country.
l said l'd take a ride from you.
l never said l'd carry on
a fucking conversation.
l was just trying to do you a favor.
God knows,
considering the way
you've been living your life,
it wasn't unreasonable
to try to put you under
some sort of parental supervision.
What's that?
ls that drugs?
Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
Goddamn it!
No! That is not all right.
You can't do that here.
Are you gonna let me do my thing,
or do l have to get out
of this fucking car right now?
- Huh?
- Go ahead.
Kill yourself.
What does it matter to me?
One chocolate milkshake for you
and coffee for your mother.
- l'm not his mother.
- She's not my mother.
Thank you.
You promised
with the new moon
You'd be comin' back to me
Now many moons have passed
Still l'm waitin' patiently
There's a new moon
over my shoulder
And an old love
still in my heart
l didn't sleep a wink last night.
- Let's look for a motel.
- l'm camping out.
Do you have something
a trifle less...butch?
Fettuccine al fredo
or chicken cordon bleu.
Chicken.
Uh... matches?
Fuck!
Excuse me.
l have to go to the ladies room.
Do you think there
are snakes around here?
Shoo! Shoo!
Shoo!!
Get away, snake.
Get away, you snake.
Get away, snake.
Where did you get that?
l had it.
- What is that awful sound?
- lt's a loon.
Certain Native American tribes
of the Northern plains
believed loons were ancestral spirits,
trying to communicate
with the physical world.
My real dad's part lndian.
- ls he?
- Yeah.
l mean, he never told me,
but l just know.
lt's an lndian thing.
Do you think you could find it
in your heart
to offer a sip of that to a lady?
Are you sick or something?
l'm fine.
These are vitamins.
When l was a little girl,
l had a terrycloth bunny.
l used to sleep with her every night.
- Try holding your breath.
Then one day, my parents decided
l was too old for her,
and l never saw her again.
l found...
him...
in your step-father's garage.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, uh... here.
Rise and shine.
Come on.
Let's go.
l've gotta be in L.A.
By the end of the week.
What would you say if l told you
l could set you up with a job
in the telemarketing field?
The nice thing about telemarketing
is you can live practically anyplace.
l could drop you off in Austin.
l'm going to California.
My real dad has
a mansion there with a pool.
What do you see your life like
ten years from now?
Probably get a job at a pet store.
Have a dog, maybe some kids.
Kids.
l always wanted kids.
Perhaps you ought to aim for
something a little higher
than working in a pet store.
lf you like animals,
you could become a veterinarian
or a zoologist.
l'm out of cigarettes.
Quel dommage.
What does quel dommage mean?
lt means you're not
getting any cigarettes.
Are you a boy or a girl?
Turn around and stop
botherin' people.
Margaret, thank God.
l am in the middle of Arkansas,
and an eight-year-old child
just read me.
l can't handle this.
l had to camp out last night...
on the ground...
with bugs.
Because he is impossible.
l can't fritter away
my savings like this.
- My surgery's only five days away.
- Shit!
Dallas?
l don't know.
Four or five hours.
Why?
Ho-ho-hold on.
Toby.
Toby!
Would you mind introducing me
to your new friend?
Taylor.
Yeah.
This is Taylor.
lt's nice to meet you, Taylor.
What's goin' on here?
Come on.
Your mother's waitin'
for you in the car.
You better watch out he doesn't get
some poor, innocent girl in trouble.
You better watch out
she doesn't end up
ruining some poor,
innocent boy's life.
You...
go wait for me at the table.
Margaret...
l really don't think
l am cut out to be a mother.
Dear God, bless this meal,
and please help Toby
to find the strength
not to take any more drugs,
so that when we get to L.A.,
he can get a job
and find a nice apartment
so that even if he never finds
his real father,
he can lead an independent life.
Amen.
Amen.
There's a really cool hat back there.
lt's only ten dollars.
l think my nose is getting sunburned.
Eat your vegetables.
You might want to use a fork.
Just an idea.
l tell you what.
You can have that hat
on one condition.
No more drugs.
l mean it.
Deal?
Deal.
Got you a present.
Thank you. l'm very...
touched.
Put it on.
lt looks good.
l found Jesus
in the darkest night
You get back in here!
Do you have any idea
how dangerous that is?
ln, in!
- ln!
- Okay.
Get in!
- was holding on.
- You wanna give me a heart attack?
Did l scare you?
Why are we goin' to Dallas?
An associate of mine
has arranged a place
for us to stay for the night.
This Mary Ellen woman's
being very generous
to offer us her hospitality,
so l hope you will be
on your best behavior.
l'm always on my best behavior.
Sabrina and Toby, right?
l'm Mary Ellen.
Come on in.
l'm havin' a little get-together.
You two just come on in
and make yourselves at home.
Mary Ellen, come here.
Felicia's showing us
her new vagina.
l'm sorry.
They're feelin' a little feisty.
Everybody, this is Sabrina,
and her handsome
escort here is Toby.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How y'all?
Margaret said you were stealth.
l am in public,
but this is the privacy
of my own home.
Welcome to the first meetin'
of the gender pride
President's Day weekend
Caribbean cruise planning committee.
- We have to go.
- No.
Where you guys know each other from?
We don't.
She's a friend of a friend....
of a friend.
There's rum punch in the kitchen
and guacamole in the dining room.
Yeah, don't be so uptight.
lt's a party.
Margaret told me you were plannin'
to have your surgery soon.
Toby doesn't know about me.
You're stealth to him?
Oh, sugar dumplin'!
Don't worry, honey.
We've all been there.
l'll pass the word.
lt was one of those
instant best friend things.
At the time, we were
both straight men.
What could you do with that?
We had our surgery on the same day.
We ended up holding hands
in the recovery room.
And now this gorgeous creature's
the love of my life.
We were just telling your friend
a little bit about
the transsexual lifestyle.
Mmm.
Not what you're
used to in church, huh?
These are vaginal dilators.
She just had her surgery last month.
This is Keanu two.
This is Keanu three.
Where's Keanu one?
Keanu one is in Hollywood
filming a major science-fiction epic,
and we don't want to hear
a snarky remark about him.
We're not gender-challenged,
we're gender-gifted.
l've been woman
and l've been man,
and l know more things
than you single-sex people
can even imagine.
Dude, l thought you were a real guy.
We walk among you.
That poor thing couldn't pass
on a dark night at 200 yards.
ln the pink.
You better check your T-dar, honey.
She's a G.G.
- A what?
- A genuine girl.
From Mary Kay.
lf you let her do a color trial,
she'll give you a free compact.
Oh, give me a home
Where the buffalo roam
And the deer
and the antelope play
With each other
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word
And the skies
are not cloudy all day
Everybody!
Home, home on the range
Where the deer
and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word
And the skies
are not cloudy all day
Oh!
Ah!
Sorry.
Could you hand me
my robe, please?
The pink satin.
lt's by the...
thank you.
lt's an unfortunate side effect
of my pills.
They're a diuretic.
Gross.
A diuretic.
lt means you go
number one, not number two.
Listen, l'm sorry about
those ersatz women.
What?
Ersatz.
lt means phony.
Something pretending to be
something it's not.
l thought they were nice.
Zoologists are the guys
that work in the zoos, right?
Yes, among other places.
l never met my real dad.
My mom never talked about him.
l'm gonna go
live with him, though.
As soon as l get enough money,
l can get some nice clothes,
and knock on his door, surprise him.
Do your mom and dad
live in California, too?
My parents are dead.
Do you like zoos?
l don't mind
the modern ones, l guess.
The animals may not be free,
but they're safe.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Night.
Good night.
- Did you go to college?
- Yes.
- What did you study?
- A lot of things.
French, cultural anthropology,
archaeology, psychology,
art history. Y uck.
Possum.
Biology.
during the cretaceous period,
these plains were the floor
of a huge inland sea.
We there yet?
lf you don't wanna learn anything,
then never mind.
All right, l'm listening.
lt cut the entire continent in two.
Dinosaurs lived on either side.
Then a huge meteor struck the earth.
Some people say that's why
the dinosaurs went extinct,
but why should the insects,
birds and mammals have survived?
- Why?
- l don't know,
but it's always seemed
a little bit fishy to me.
Did you know they found
giant shark remains
in the middle of Kansas?
How big were they?
Big enough to swallow you
without even chewing.
- Got you.
- You did not.
- l got you.
Ah, you got me in the eye,
you got me in the eye.
l'm so sorry.
Did l hurt you?
Ha ha! Got you.
Ow!
Stop it.
Ow!
Seriously, watch the road.
You drive.
l hope we pass a rest stop soon.
My diuretic's kicking in.
Do rattlesnakes come out at night?
Well...
l must say, that's a relief.
Something wrong?
This is a no-smoking room.
New Mexico is
the ufology capital of the world.
Ufology.
From U.F.O.
The study of
unidentified flying objects.
You know, social ostracism
doesn't work in a community of two.
Damn it, Toby, say something.
l wanna go to Sammy's Wigwam.
Here's some arrowheads.
They're only a dollar each.
He's been acting like that all day.
Young man, if you don't
start behaving in a civilized fashion,
you and l are going to have
a very serious problem.
Fuck you.
Hey, you watch your mouth
around your mother.
She is not my mother!
She's not anyone's mother.
She's not even a real woman.
She's got a dick.
Don't you?!
Don't you?
Go on, tell him.
You're a fuckin' lying freak.
What do you want outta me?
Just because a person
doesn't go around
blabbing her entire biological history
to everyone she meets
doesn't make her a liar.
Why didn't you
just tell me the truth?
So you could humiliate me
in public even sooner?
You knew all about me.
Why did you bail me out of jail?
You just walked into jail,
asked 'em who needed help?
You know what, fuck you!
l never even heard of
a tranny church lady.
Just drop me off
in the next town.
So you don't think l have
the right to belong to a church?
My body may be a work in progress,
but there is nothing
wrong with my soul.
Jesus made me this way for a reason
so l could suffer and be reborn
the way he was.
So you're cutting
your dick off for Jesus?
You don't cut it off.
Just gonna have an inny
instead of an outie.
Eww.
Hi.
ls there any chance
that you could offer
a fellow traveler a ride?
Absolutely.
We love helping strangers.
Beef jerky?
Uh, no thanks.
l'm a level four vegan.
l don't eat anything
that casts a shadow,
but a little token of my appreciation.
Absolutely.
l'm sorry, but the secondary smoke
might render me unfit to drive.
She's cool, right?
She's not a she,
she's got a dick.
Toby!
For now, at least.
You're a guy?
l'm a transsexual woman.
Wow!
l think transsexuality
is a radically evolved state of being.
Hey, look.
Many societies throughout history
have honored and revered
transgendered people--
The Zulu, the Yoruba.
The Native Americans
called us two-spirit people.
Two spirits.
That's cool.
Tell him what they're
gonna do with your dick.
Then the settlers came.
They tended to murder us on sight.
The way the white man treated
the lndian was very deeply fucked up.
Yeah.
Are you sure you won't join us?
Come on.
We know what you got.
You boys go ahead.
Have fun.
So what do you do
when you're not following the open road?
l'm a Peyote shaman.
How do you do that?
lt involves consuming
majestic amounts of peyote.
When you're done throwing up,
you see things.
- What things?
- Once l saw my own death.
Do you by any chance
drown in a desert lake?
No. l die in
a depressurization accident
on a moon colony.
l'll show you something.
lt's in my bag.
Do you still think what you said
back at Sammy's Wigwam?
What?
That l'm a freak.
You're not a freak.
You're just a liar.
Oh, shit!
My purse!
My hormones!
You dirty motherfucker!
My dog book was in that car.
Oh.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
My surgery.
l have to be in L.A. ln two days.
What are we going to do?
ls it soothing?
We could sell it.
How much could you get?
Oh, sweet.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh!
Oh!
l don't care about the car.
l just need to get to Los Angeles
as quickly as possible.
l'm driving a couple of good ponies
over to the sale in Show Low
in the morning.
Could give you a ride that far.
Hey, Woodrow, can l get
a burger for the young lady here?
Yep.
lsn't Calvin an unusual name
for a Native American?
Not really.
My brothers names are Dwight, Lloyd,
Daryl and Woodrow.
What's your last name?
Many Goats.
lt's my mother's clan name.
Oh.
Matrilineal kinship system.
ls there a Mrs. Many Goats?
Oh, no.
No, not yet.
l guess the right woman
hasn't met me.
Oh!
There you are.
Calvin, l'd like
you to meet Toby.
- Toby, this is Calvin Many Coats.
- How you doin', son?
l saved you half a hamburger.
Calvin's offered us
a place to stay tonight
and a ride in the morning.
- lsn't that generous of him?
- Yes.
Oh.
Excuse me just a minute.
Yes, ma'am.
You-you already found a buyer?
At least now you don't have
any more of that damn drug.
Mm, shower.
So...
Calvin, have you spent all your life
in New Mexico?
Not yet.
Oh!
lt's beautiful.
lt's home.
Hi.
lt's Mescal.
Oh.
Friend of mine brings it up
from Oaxaca every year.
Beautiful dreamer
Wake unto me
Starlight and dewdrops
are waiting for thee
Sounds of the rude world
Heard in the day
Lulled by the moonlight
have all passed away
Beautiful dreamer
Queen of my song
List while l woo thee
with soft melody
Gone are the cares
of life's busy throng
Beautiful dreamer
awake unto me
Beautiful dreamer
Awake unto me
You can sing.
Oh, just enough to keep the dogs
off the back porch, that's all.
Have some more.
Thank you.
That'll put hair on your chest.
l hope not.
Morning, sleepyhead.
Guess what.
Calvin's gonna drive us
all the way to Phoenix.
Do my breasts seem smaller to you?
l've missed two doses of my pills.
You play with the body's
hormonal balance,
and you're playing with fire.
Playing with fire.
Playing with fire.
When you wear your cowboy hat,
if you wear it forward like that,
that means you're lookin' for trouble.
lf you wear it back like that,
it means you're not lookin' for trouble.
lf you wear it off to the side,
it means you're out
to impress the ladies.
How come an lndian
wears a cowboy hat?
l guess because it keeps the sun
out of my eyes
better than a headband
and a couple of eagle feathers.
Calvin was telling me
that his people are Navajo.
Only part Navajo.
My great-great-great
great-grandfather was Zuni.
You got a Cherokee look about you.
Proud people, them Cherokee.
- Too young.
- No, l'm not.
Yes, you are.
Here.
Drink some water.
Now if you gentlemen will excuse me,
l have to... use the powder room.
Oh.
- Here.
- Thank you.
- Allow me.
- Thank you.
- Oops!
Dude, there's things about her
she's not tellin' you.
Well,
every woman has a right
to a little mystery...dude.
You know she's a Jesus freak?
She's probably waitin' to convert you.
She can convert me
any time she wants to.
Well, l wish l could
drive you all the way to Los Angeles.
So do l.
Here, let me
get that for you.
lt's all right.
lt doesn't work
from the inside.
Sticks a bit.
Thank you.
Bree, there's some things
about me you don't know--
Some things about my past.
We all have our secrets.
l been in jail more than once,
l'm about blind in one eye,
and l got
a half a pound of shrapnel
in my left leg.
But if you're ever in New Mexico,
l'd really like it
if you give me a call.
Thank you, Calvin.
l'll do that.
TOB Y:
Let's go.
Come here.
This used to belong
to a real good friend of mine.
He was a champion
in the all-lndian rodeo circuit.
Now you look like a warrior.
Ma'am.
Where are we?
My parents' house.
l thought you said
your parents were dead.
Mmm.
Wishful thinking.
Who's Sydney?
My baby sister.
Go.
May l help you?
ls Sydney here?
Sydney's out.
May l tell her who called?
l don't think so.
Don't look at me that way.
l'm not looking at you.
All right, all right.
Shit!
l mean darn.
No, l mean shit.
May l help you, young lady?
Dad, it's me.
- Mom!
Dad?
Mom!
Get in here before
the neighbors see you!
Jesus Christ,
l can't even recognize you.
lt's me, only different.
So you've done it.
lt's all over.
l don't think that's
any of your business.
Mom!
Thank God, Murray.
He's still a boy.
My poor Stanley.
l can't look at you like this!
Geez, why do you always
upset her like that?
l tell you what.
l'm just gonna get something
to eat and drink,
and then l'll go back
and wait for Sydney outside.
Are you sure
you're all right, Stanley?
Fabulous.
Never been better.
- Stanley...
- Bree.
Sabrina Claire Osbourne.
Look, we're gonna need
more time with that.
Your mother and l
both love you--
But we don't respect you.
l'll never understand
why you're doing this to me.
l'm not doing anything to you.
l'm gender dysphoric.
lt's a genetic condition.
Don't try to blame
your father and me for this.
You shouldn't use
so much mayonnaise.
Are you trying
to give yourself a heart attack?
Let me do that!
You know what l see
when l look at you?
l see a lost soul
crying out for help.
This would never have happened
if you had only come to church
when you were little,
instead of going off
to that synagogue of your father's.
Mom, dad?
There's a scruffy-looking kid outside.
Holy shit!
Language, Sydney!
l don't fuckin' believe it!
Stanley.
Bree.
Bree.
Well, Bree, l was hopin'
you'd show up one of these days,
take some of the heat off me.
lt's nice to see you, too.
lf that kid out there's your boyfriend,
l'm gonna slit my wrists.
l need to talk to you in private.
Oh, my God.
He is!
You lucky son of a--
l mean, you lucky bitch.
Your boyfriend?!
That filthy teenage
juvenile delinquent
who came to the door?
He happens to be a clean,
healthy and respectable young man.
l don't want to hear
any more about it.
How old is he?
Seventeen.
Oh, my God!
Murray, he's underage.
Mom, he's my son.
You're shittin' me!
- Remember Emma Wilkins?
- What are you saying?
ls Emma here, too?
She killed herself.
Jesus!
KineIhora.
Are you trying to tell me
that that boy
who came to the door...
he's your grandson.
My grandson.
My grandson.
Oh, dear God.
He doesn't know anything,
and l don't want him to.
Wait!
- Call me grandpa.
- Shit!
Oh, you poor thing.
Get up off that filthy ground.
Get up!
There could be
all sorts of awful things down there.
Look at you.
What a handsome boy.
Do you know who l am?
- l'm your--
- A friend. Bree's mother.
He doesn't know
about me, do you understand?
l don't want him
to know about me. Agreed?
- You're not gonna say anything?
- No.
Hi there.
l'm Sydney.
Hey. Toby.
- What do you say?
- Toby.
Come on inside
where there's nice air conditioning.
Come on, honey,
and l'll make you
a nice plate of food.
Mm, defrosted to perfection.
Finish your vegetables.
He doesn't like broccoli.
Open up.
Lucky, no!
l swear, that dog is a sex maniac!
Just like your father.
At least he gets
more action than l do.
My mom used to live
in Phoenix before l was born.
Really?
What a coincidence.
What did your name used to be
when you were a guy?
Honey, why don't you go
and watch TV
in the spare bedroom, hmm?
You can take the dog.
Come here.
Come here, boy.
Stanley, what are you
planning to do
with that poor boy?
First of all, l'm gonna make sure
he knows that he's encouraged
and supported.
And that he's respected.
Maybe even...
well, at least that he's respected.
Behold the return
of the Prodigal son.
Can we try to be nice
to each other, please?
This is so bizarre.
l can still see Stanley in you,
but it's like you put yourself
through a strainer
and got rid of all the boy pulp.
Planning a game
of bridge with the girls?
Hmm.
Can l borrow $1 ,000?
You've gotta be kidding.
Do l hear a dollar and a half?
l have to account for every penny.
Eighteen months sober,
and they're still
scared shitless l'm gonna relapse
and wind up passed out on the floor
in some dive down on Van Buren.
God, those were the days.
My surgery's day after tomorrow.
l need air fare to get home.
You know, growin' up,
l always thought
you were the lucky one.
Hmm.
Try this one.
Oh, my God.
lt'll be like showgirls, um...
on lce Capades.
l'm a transsexual,
not a transvestite.
Yeah, but it will really
freak Mom out.
Now you've lost all credibility.
Toby, don't break that, honey.
lt's very expensive.
Murray, l just hate the way
you had Lucky's tail clipped.
Stands straight up just like a penis.
- Black and hairy.
- Well, it does.
Not like any penis l've ever seen.
Me neither.
Toby!
Toby, come over here
and let me fix your hair.
Come on.
Come on, honey.
Stay.
Sit.
Oh, you have such
nice, thick hair.
Just like mine.
And those clothes
are a great improvement.
They fit good, huh?
- They fit well.
- Grammar police.
Good evening.
That dress looks
perfectly ridiculous.
You're looking
very handsome.
You look good, too.
Beauty is relative.
For God's sake, Mom!
Oh, don't pick on me, not tonight.
l can't take it.
l used to read pornography
on the toilet,
and ever since,
l have shitty sex.
You get it?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Toby, come and sit here next to me.
Here, take a picture.
Murray, scoot over.
Come on, honey. Right here.
That's right, Toby honey.
Lean in close, honey.
All right, everybody.
One, two, three.
We all look much happier
than we really are.
Can you take one
of the two of us?
l'll take it.
Nice to see a young man
being so polite to his mother.
That's not his mother.
And, uh, a hamburger
for the young gentleman.
Enjoy your meal.
Toby, do you want to say grace?
Go ahead, honey.
Don't be shy.
Uh, God,
bless this restaurant and, uh...
these thy gifts that we're
about to receive forever
and ever.
And thank you, Lord,
for bringing Toby to us.
And please let us all stay together
in health and spirits.
ln Jesus Christ's name.
Amen.
Amen.
SIhalom Israel.
Jesus!
Oh, Toby, honey,
don't take the lettuce
out of your hamburger.
lt's good for you.
Sydney, don't play with your food.
Sieg Iheil.
Can l borrow $1 ,000?
Toby, your hamburger's almost raw.
Let me send that back.
l can pay it back with interest.
What do you need the money for?
To get back to Los Angeles.
Look at your life.
You've never been able
to stick to a decision.
Ten years of college,
and not a single degree.
How do you know you won't change
your mind about this, too?
Because l know.
Don't do this awful thing
to yourself. Please.
l miss my son.
Mom...
you never had a son.
How can you say such a thing?
Now you know how l felt
when you hired those private detectives.
We only tried to do the best for you.
ls that why you tried
to have me committed?
You tried to kill yourself!
Because you tried
to have me committed!
l don't know why
you have to be so emotional.
l am not emotional!
God, my cycle's all out of whack.
You don't have cycles.
Hormones are hormones.
Yours and mine just happen
to come in little purple pills.
Young man, may we get
some doggie bags here, please?
Yes, ma'am.
l'm going to finish
cooking his hamburger at home.
Murray, give me your wallet.
Here's $200.
We'll get the rest out of the safe.
There's one condition.
l want Toby to stay here with me.
Wouldn't you like that, honey?
You could have
your own little apartment.
We'll remodel the guest house.
Do you like to play tennis?
We have eight new courts
at the country club.
Murray and l just feel that
you need a stable, loving family
with the means to give you
every chance that you deserve.
Toby, here you are, baby.
Ha ha ha!
Half ltalian villa,
half country club.
Beauty is relative.
Not my relatives.
l wish just once they'd
look at me and see me.
That's all.
Just really see me.
Why are they bein' so nice to me?
Mmm.
You think l oughta stay here?
Do you want to?
lt's pretty nice.
l think you oughta do whatever
you think is best for you.
But if you want,
you can come and live with me.
l can't give you anything like this,
but l'm sure
we could manage something.
Did you really try to kill yourself?
l swallowed half a bottle of Nembutal.
Then l panicked and called 91 1 .
Maybe you're not the suicidal type.
Maybe.
Unless my mother is right,
and l just can't stick to a decision.
- Come in.
Can't you sleep?
- Not really.
- Do you need something?
A glass of milk?
No.
What is it?
l must look awful.
You look good.
You look well.
Don't worry.
What are you doin'?
What l'm good at.
No, no.
lt's okay.
l want to.
You'll like it, l promise.
l don't wanna like it.
l don't want it at all.
Okay.
l'll marry you if you want.
l don't care how big your place is.
l just wanna be with you.
l think you're sexy, Bree.
lt's like...
like l see you.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Put your clothes on.
l mean it.
Right now. Stop it.
What's the matter?
Just...would you please
just cover yourself up?!
- l am such a total shit.
- No, you're not.
There's something l should've
told you a long time ago.
You're going to hate me.
l'm not really...
exactly...
affiliated with a church.
l already figured that out.
What?
My mom and dad.
lt's your mom...
and me.
Toby...
l'm so sorry.
l know l shouldn't have lied to you.
l know how disappointed you must be.
A one-bedroom apartment
instead of a mansion,
and half-Jewish
instead of half-lndian.
Toby.
Toby.
Why don't we look on the bright side?
We've gotten to know each other--
Our strengths and weaknesses--
And we're still
good friends, aren't we?
l'm so sorry!
l truly, really,
l didn't mean to hurt you!
My mother's probably right.
l'm a terrible influence.
Oh, please, this is
a terrible time for me.
Toby, wait.
Oh!
You are not my father.
Oh, my God!
Oh, honey.
There, there.
He didn't mean it, honey.
He's just a little bit upset.
There now.
There, there.
There, there.
Toby's gone!
He took my purse...
and my bucking bronco statue.
What do you want to do, Sta--
Bree.
Yes.
He's 17, but you don't know
his date of birth?
What's your
relationship to the missing boy?
l am his father.
Can't you put out an A.P.B.
or something?
We'll do our best.
l'm sorry to say this,
but chances are,
if he doesn't wanna be found,
he's gonna stay lost.
lt's okay
You don't have to be afraid
There's nothin' to worry about
'Cause we got it made
lt's just a simple matter of
Letting me into your love
lf you let that feeling
come over you
Then there's nothin' more
that you can do
Just let it go
Let it go
Hey.
This is Bree.
lf it's love you want
Hold out your arms
Thank you very much.
lt's all right here
lt's safe and warm
lt's okay to feel good
Everything is fine.
Your surgery was
a complete success.
Everything we have
is fresh and new
l will open myself up to you
Like a rose
Like a rose
Hello, my lady.
How are you feeling?
And don't say like a new woman.
l...
feel like a medieval heretic
impaled on a very large
and very thick...
stake...
with splinters.
Nice hat.
lt was a present.
Bree, why do l get the feeling
that there's something
not quite right?
Last week, you said
this was gonna be
the happiest day of your life.
Last week was a long time ago.
Talk to me.
l fucked up.
lt hurts.
Oh!
Oh, my sweetie.
That's what hearts do.
lt's okay.
Okay.
Okay.
l'm sorry.
No, let it out.
This is good, Bree.
This is good.
Amo la comida mexicana.
Amo la comida mexicana.
Y amo Fernando.
Amo la comida mexicano.
Mexicana.
School's gonna be closing
in about 1 5 minutes.
Wayne, this is really hard.
Do you think
you could give me a hand?
Sure.
What subject?
Sex education.
All right, cut.
He needs help again.
Let's go, let's go.
Did you take your Viagra?
Yes, ma'am.
When's the last time you came?
Like two hours ago.
Christ, kid.
You've got to focus, okay?
Can you focus?
We're behind schedule.
We've gotta move.
Ow.
Toby.
Don't think that l'm
fucking forgiving you,
because l'm not.
All right.
- l just came over to see if you did it.
- Did what?
Got your dick turned inside out.
Yes.
Won't you come in?
Just for a little while?
- l have something for you.
- What?
Please.
Your parents' house is a lot nicer.
My parents' house
comes with my parents.
l thought you said we were Jewish.
Half-Jewish...
through my father,
so it's technically the wrong half,
and you're only a quarter.
The wrong quarter.
l'm gonna finish up my degree.
l thought l'd take up teaching.
Maybe rent a house someplace.
Someplace with a yard.
What have you got for me?
Hang on a minute.
l've missed you.
Have a seat.
So how have you been?
l've been all right.
Would you care to divulge
a few more details?
- l'm making a movie.
- You are?
Told you l could.
They're already doin'
the advertisement for it.
- Here.
- Oh.
''Cowabunghole.''
That's Dylan Reeves.
He's a big star.
Huh.
And there's you.
lt's a very nice picture.
l like your hair.
lf you want, l could get you
a discount when it comes out.
Thank you.
That's very considerate.
l got these clothes
at the Beverly Center.
Beverly Hills.
Would you like a coke?
l'll take a beer.
All right.
Young man, if you think
you can put your dirty tennis shoes
on my brand-new coffee table,
you're gonna have to think again.
THE END
''This is the voice I want to use. ''
over and over again.
but with different inflections.
and I want you to try to mimic
what I'm doing.
This is the voice I want to use.
This is the voice I want to use.
Now. what we're gonna do
is press down on our tongue
and sot of watch what's happening
at the back of our mouths.
Ready?
Aaaah...
Any suicidal tendencies?
No.
You ever felt
as though you were being followed?
No.
Any history of family mental illness?
No.
Medical procedures to date?
The usual electrolysis.
three years of hormone therapy.
facial feminization surgery.
brow lift. forehead reduction.
jaw re-contouring.
and a tracheal shave.
You look very authentic.
I try to blend in.
Keep a low profile.
I believe the slang terminology
is ''Living Stealth. ''
Do you consider yourself
a happy person?
Yes.
l mean, no.
l mean...
l will be.
Miss Osbourne,
there's no such thing
as a right answer in this office.
Yes, l'm a very happy person.
How can l help you
if you won't be honest with me?
You can sign that consent form.
Please.
The American Psychiatric Association
categorizes gender dysphoria
as a very serious mental disorder.
After my operation,
not even a gynecologist
will be able to detect
anything out of the ordinary
about my body.
l will be a woman.
Don't you find it odd
that plastic surgery
can cure a mental disorder?
How do you feel about your penis?
lt disgusts me.
l don't even like looking at it.
What about friends?
They don't like it, either.
No, l mean,
do you have the support of friends?
l'm very close to my therapist.
What about your family?
My family is dead.
You take some hormones
And l'll take some hormones
l'll be a woman before you
Make me happy when skies...
Shit.
l mean darn.
Darn. l mean darn it.
Darn it, darn it, darn it.
Mmm.
Good night, Bree.
Sleep tight, Bree.
Hmm.
I Orale !
Oh!
This is the voice.
l...this...
this is the voice.
This is the voice.
Hello.
May l please speak to
Mrs. or Mrs. Bhumibol Niratpattanasani?
Mrs. Niratpattanasani,
this is Bree Osbourne calling
with a special introductory offer
from the National Home Shopping...
Hello?
Hello.
Stanley Schupak
doesn't live here anymore.
Who's calling?
Stanley doesn't have a son.
You must have the wrong number.
How old are you?
Why don't you call your mother?
Hello. May l please speak
to Mr. Jamal Niang?
Mr. Niang, it's Bree Osbourne calling
from the National Home Shopping Club
with a special introductory rate
of only $19.90...
Hello?
He signed it.
l am so proud of you!
Two signatures.
l hereby pronounce you officially legal
to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.
Thank you.
l just...
Mmm.
Thank you.
So...
What else is new?
l made my sales quota
for the month on Tuesday.
That pink lamb's wool cardigan
that l ordered arrived.
Oh, and this is odd.
l got a phone call last night
from a juvenile inmate
of the New York prison system.
- He claimed to be Stanley's son.
- No third person.
My son.
l thought you told me
that you were a virgin.
Hmm.
There was this one girl at college,
but the whole thing was so...
tragically lesbian that
l didn't think it counted.
Wow!
A son.
An alleged son.
He's probably just
some sort of scam artist.
What is he scamming you for?
Well, l guess we'll never know.
Nothing is gonna stop me
from checking into
that hospital next week.
l'm not gonna get dragged back
into Stanley's old life.
Stanley's life is your life.
Why don't you get in touch
with the mother?
She's dead.
Anyway, he's practically 1 8.
He's old enough
to take care of himself.
Bree...
this is a part of your body
that cannot be discarded.
l don't want you to go through
this metamorphosis
only to find out
you're still incomplete.
What if l...
visit him later...
after my surgery...
after l've settled into my new life?
When you're ready.
What are you doing?
l can't give this
to your surgeon right now.
Yes, you can.
Margaret, l can't miss
my surgery on Friday.
They're booked up a year in advance.
l'll wire bail money to New York.
l'll-l'll call a social worker
and have someone
check in on him.
What do you want me to do?
Bree, honey...
l just want you to be ready.
Hello. May l please
have the number
of the New York City
downtown lock-up?
MAN:
Mr. Schupak.
Ms. Schupak.
l mean, Ms. Osbourne.
l changed it.
Can l ask what your relationship
is to the prisoner?
Allegedly, l'm his...
allegedly, he's my son.
This is a new one.
According to this,
he shoplifted a frog.
Plus we have testimony
that he was in possession
of a small amount
of a suspicious-looking white powder,
although emergency services
was unable to recover the evidence.
Drugs?
ls he an addict?
Most of 'em are.
Most of whom are?
Are you aware that your son's
been hustling on the streets
working as a prostitute?
- How much is the bail?
- Bail's set at one dollar.
l can't possibly afford...
one dollar?
MAN:
Sabrina Claire Osbourne?
Meet Toby Wilkins.
Uh...
my friends call me Bree.
Jesus the reformer?
That's one of these churches
that sends missionaries out
to guide street people back to God.
No.
l'm...
...from the church
of the potential father.
l am a pilgrim
l am a stranger
Travelin' through
Oh, yes.
Dear God...
bless this food
and bless this restaurant
and all the people in it.
And everyone else...everywhere.
Sic transit gloria mundi.
in excelsis Deo.
Amen.
Do you have any percs?
Vicodin?
Anything with codeine?
Sorry. l'm all out.
So why don't you tell me
something about yourself.
l'm not naming any names.
l said about yourself.
ls Toby short for something?
A diminutive?
No, it's American.
Where do you come from?
Callicoon.
Where's Callicoon?
ln Kentucky. Duh.
ls that where your family is?
My mother's dead.
She had a stroke.
- ls there anyone else?
- l had a step-father.
- That's wonderful.
- Me and him don't get along.
Why not?
T.M.l.
Too much information.
What about grandparents?
Aunts, uncles?
l don't need any family.
l can take care of myself.
l'm a loner.
That's wonderful.
That's the spirit.
l've been meanin'
to thank you for bailin' me out.
You're welcome.
l decided in jail
l'm gonna give up hustling.
lt's degradable.
Degrading.
How many people
inhabit this place?
Three.
Dude, by the way,
l was just holding those drugs
for a friend.
l'm not stupid.
Junkies just live for the day.
No ambition or anything.
- You have ambition?
- Yeah.
l'm gonna get a career in the movies.
Ten, twenty, forty.
Sixty, eighty.
One hundred.
Here.
Will that hold you for a while?
Yeah.
Dude, this is great.
l wish you would
stop calling me dude.
Well, l best be on my way.
Got a flight to Los Angeles
first thing in the morning.
Maybe l'll see ya out there.
That's where they make
the movies, right?
l was gonna hitchhike out there
like, maybe, tomorrow.
You can't.
You don't wanna add
jumping bail to your permanent record.
l'll change my street name.
Something like Stanley.
Stan.
Stan the man.
That's my dad's name.
There's his picture.
He's with my mom.
Mmm.
You okay?
l'm a little dizzy.
Beverly Hills
is close to the ocean, right?
Maybe l'll learn how to surf.
Dye my hair blonde
for the movies.
They love blondes there.
l mean, blonde and blondes.
Stocks and blondes.
Bodacious blonde bottoms.
Not that l'm a bottom or anything.
Are you talking about
pornographic films?
Duh.
ls there a...
ladies room
in this establishment?
Oh!
- Hello.
- Margaret.
lt's Bree.
l'm in New York.
lt turns out this whole jail episode
was just a big mistake.
Talk to me.
He's a thoroughly independent
young man.
We're getting along famously.
He's going to come visit me
after my surgery,
and l promised to take him
to Disneyland.
l see.
So I tIhougIht I'd take
an early fligIht back tomorrow.
get back to work.
recoup some of tIhe money
I spent on tIhis trip
before my surgery next week.
- How are you?
- Right now,
l'm a little disappointed
because you're lying to me.
ls there anything else
you'd like to say?
There appears to be a step-father.
PerIhaps I can affect a reunion.
Have you ever head of
a place called Callicoon?
l just conferred with
my immediate superior at the church.
lt seems she feels
that getting you away
from this unwholesome
environment is my moral duty.
Free ride, free food,
free hotel rooms,
all the way to L.A.
Uh-huh.
Nothin's free.
You're gonna end up marryin' her
and spending the rest of your life
eating out cob-webby
old stank Christian pussy.
Hey, something
for the road, my man?
The finest Tecate.
Fuck, no, man.
l'm givin' that shit up.
Come on. lt's only
five dollars a bag over street price.
Convenience charge.
We could take it out of your cut
if she buys the car.
Fuck you, dude.
All right.
Whatever.
You're the man.
No, wait. Hey.
l'm not marrying you.
Glory Hallelujah.
Almost new fan belt.
l changed the oil
a couple of months ago.
Only 230,000 miles.
lt just needs a little paint.
That's all.
lt runs perfect.
Guaranteed.
l've already arranged a rental.
But with this one,
when you get to California,
you could resell, make a profit.
A profit?
Fasten your seatbelt.
l don't like wearing them.
Well, l don't like the idea
of seeing your internal organs
splattered all over the dashboard
in case we get in a wreck,
God forbid, so put it on.
See this shirt?
Only cost me two dollars.
- Quel surprise.
- And the shoes.
Three dollars-- $1 .50 each.
You know how much these things
are worth in Japan?
- Three dollars.
- Like $500.
Japanese people
will kill for old Nikes.
Then you probably
should avoid wearing them in Japan.
Yeah, l'd probably be,
like, disemboweled by a ninja.
You don't have to say ''Like.''
''Probably disemboweled
by a ninja'' is sufficient.
And please don't put your feet
up on the dashboard.
No smoking in the car.
l thought instead
of going west on route 95,
we'd wind through
the mountains on route 20.
- Route 20 takes us close to Callicoon.
- l don't want to go there.
What l find absolutely
beyond comprehension
is how a person can perform
all those intimate acts
with just any stranger off the street.
Why should you give a shit?
Because it's
the Christian thing to do.
How much money did you make
per...assignation?
Forty or fifty dollars.
Are we gonna be
goin' through Texas?
lt's a pretty hard state to avoid.
Do you have any money for some food?
Oh.
Uh, l'm sorry l can't offer you
a private room.
The church has to conserve
its resources.
l've charted us a course
on the nice little red routes.
Callicoon is only about
l don't wanna go there.
These are nice beds.
Don't you have any pajamas?
No.
Well, you should get some.
Good night.
Rise and shine.
Up, up, up.
We've got a schedule to keep.
Did l put on too much blush?
You're weird.
Hmm.
First place l lived was, like,
a hole in the wall off Avenue C.
l had, like, four roommates.
One was a junkie,
one was a crack head,
one was, like,
a junkie, and the other one was,
well, like, a junkie.
Like, like, like.
Did you know
tIhe Lord Of TIhe Rings is gay?
l beg your pardon.
There's this big,
black tower, right?
And it points right at
this huge burning vagina thing,
and it's, like,
the symbol of ultimate evil.
And then,
Sam and Frodo
have to go into this cave
and deposit their magic ring
into this hot, steaming lava pit.
Only at the last minute,
Frodo can't perform,
so Gollum bites off his finger.
Gay.
Take 'em away
Take 'em away, Lord
Take away these chains from me
My heart is broken
'cause my spirit's not free
Lord, take away
these chains from me
Some birds' feathers
are too proud to be caged
l know l'm not that colorful
But a bird just the same
Open up your gate now,
let me put down my load
So l can feel at ease
and go back to my home
Take 'em away
Take 'em away, Lord
Take away these chains from me
What the fuck you lookin' at?
l just didn't think it was right
to come so close to Callicoon
without at least passing through.
Toby!
Where are you going?
You are acting like
a spoiled child.
Oh, my God,
l can't believe my eyes.
lt's my sweet little angel baby.
Take away these chains from me
My heart is broken
'cause my spirit's not free
Just give me another hug.
Oh, l could wring your neck
like a chicken.
My favorite boy.
And all this time,
not even a phone call
to let me know if
you're alive or dead.
l was never your favorite.
Oh, that's what you think.
l used to look at him
out that window,
playin' all day with that big dog.
Toby lived near here?
Just two doors up the road.
So, what you
been doin' with yourself?
l wanna know everything.
He's been in New York,
working toward developing
a career in the film industry.
l'm goin' to California.
California?!
He always was the artistic type.
He used to have
this precious stuffed monkey
he carried around with him everywhere,
even to school.
Are you in
the movie business, too?
She's a missionary with the church.
Praise the Lord.
l'm an electrologist myself.
Oh.
lf you want, l can get
those couple of little hairs
up under your nose in nothin' flat.
My boss lady down at the salon,
she used to work out in California.
From what l hear, some of them
Hollywood beauties
used to be hairy as hogs.
There.
That oughta keep 'em from
stickin' their heads up again.
Thank you.
You ought to go on over
and say hello to your step-daddy.
- l don't wanna see him.
- Of course you do.
The man raised you.
Clothed you.
Fed you.
Sheltered you from harm.
He's your father...
for all practical purposes.
He always was a sensitive thing.
You gonna drive him
all the way to California?
l have to get some air.
Excuse me, and thank you.
- Yeah?
- Good evening.
Do you per chance
know a Toby Wilkins?
Who's askin'?
l am a bearer of glad tidings.
Your son has come home.
Good.
- Toby, Arletty.
l brought back a surprise.
Come on in.
Look who's here.
lf you can't bring
Mohammad to the mountain,
bring the mountain to Mohammad.
Look how much you've grown.
Toby, give your father a hug.
l was worried sick about you.
Why did you run off like that?
You know l missed you.
- lsn't this sweet?
- Mm-Hmm.
l know what you missed.
You missed my mouth.
You missed my ass.
You hush now.
What are these ladies gonna think?
You wanna fuck me
right here in front of 'em?
You shut up!
Bobby!
Was that good for you?
Come on, Bobby.
You liked it.
- You liked it in the garage.
- Shut up!
Come on.
Toby?
Honey?
This man is heavy with sin.
Put him in that chair there.
l don't know you,
Bobby Jensen.
He'll come to in a couple of hours.
This isn't my fault!
You never told me
why you didn't want to come home.
Where are you going?
Brought you some breakfast.
He's walkin' down to the highway ramp
to hitchhike hisself a ride.
He's a disappearing act, all right.
lt's the same thing he did
after his mama killed herself.
- She what?
- Mm-hmm.
Shut herself up in the garage
with the car on.
Toby found her there
when he come home from school.
Oh, God.
Lovely scenery
in this part of the country.
l said l'd take a ride from you.
l never said l'd carry on
a fucking conversation.
l was just trying to do you a favor.
God knows,
considering the way
you've been living your life,
it wasn't unreasonable
to try to put you under
some sort of parental supervision.
What's that?
ls that drugs?
Oh, no.
Absolutely not.
Goddamn it!
No! That is not all right.
You can't do that here.
Are you gonna let me do my thing,
or do l have to get out
of this fucking car right now?
- Huh?
- Go ahead.
Kill yourself.
What does it matter to me?
One chocolate milkshake for you
and coffee for your mother.
- l'm not his mother.
- She's not my mother.
Thank you.
You promised
with the new moon
You'd be comin' back to me
Now many moons have passed
Still l'm waitin' patiently
There's a new moon
over my shoulder
And an old love
still in my heart
l didn't sleep a wink last night.
- Let's look for a motel.
- l'm camping out.
Do you have something
a trifle less...butch?
Fettuccine al fredo
or chicken cordon bleu.
Chicken.
Uh... matches?
Fuck!
Excuse me.
l have to go to the ladies room.
Do you think there
are snakes around here?
Shoo! Shoo!
Shoo!!
Get away, snake.
Get away, you snake.
Get away, snake.
Where did you get that?
l had it.
- What is that awful sound?
- lt's a loon.
Certain Native American tribes
of the Northern plains
believed loons were ancestral spirits,
trying to communicate
with the physical world.
My real dad's part lndian.
- ls he?
- Yeah.
l mean, he never told me,
but l just know.
lt's an lndian thing.
Do you think you could find it
in your heart
to offer a sip of that to a lady?
Are you sick or something?
l'm fine.
These are vitamins.
When l was a little girl,
l had a terrycloth bunny.
l used to sleep with her every night.
- Try holding your breath.
Then one day, my parents decided
l was too old for her,
and l never saw her again.
l found...
him...
in your step-father's garage.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, uh... here.
Rise and shine.
Come on.
Let's go.
l've gotta be in L.A.
By the end of the week.
What would you say if l told you
l could set you up with a job
in the telemarketing field?
The nice thing about telemarketing
is you can live practically anyplace.
l could drop you off in Austin.
l'm going to California.
My real dad has
a mansion there with a pool.
What do you see your life like
ten years from now?
Probably get a job at a pet store.
Have a dog, maybe some kids.
Kids.
l always wanted kids.
Perhaps you ought to aim for
something a little higher
than working in a pet store.
lf you like animals,
you could become a veterinarian
or a zoologist.
l'm out of cigarettes.
Quel dommage.
What does quel dommage mean?
lt means you're not
getting any cigarettes.
Are you a boy or a girl?
Turn around and stop
botherin' people.
Margaret, thank God.
l am in the middle of Arkansas,
and an eight-year-old child
just read me.
l can't handle this.
l had to camp out last night...
on the ground...
with bugs.
Because he is impossible.
l can't fritter away
my savings like this.
- My surgery's only five days away.
- Shit!
Dallas?
l don't know.
Four or five hours.
Why?
Ho-ho-hold on.
Toby.
Toby!
Would you mind introducing me
to your new friend?
Taylor.
Yeah.
This is Taylor.
lt's nice to meet you, Taylor.
What's goin' on here?
Come on.
Your mother's waitin'
for you in the car.
You better watch out he doesn't get
some poor, innocent girl in trouble.
You better watch out
she doesn't end up
ruining some poor,
innocent boy's life.
You...
go wait for me at the table.
Margaret...
l really don't think
l am cut out to be a mother.
Dear God, bless this meal,
and please help Toby
to find the strength
not to take any more drugs,
so that when we get to L.A.,
he can get a job
and find a nice apartment
so that even if he never finds
his real father,
he can lead an independent life.
Amen.
Amen.
There's a really cool hat back there.
lt's only ten dollars.
l think my nose is getting sunburned.
Eat your vegetables.
You might want to use a fork.
Just an idea.
l tell you what.
You can have that hat
on one condition.
No more drugs.
l mean it.
Deal?
Deal.
Got you a present.
Thank you. l'm very...
touched.
Put it on.
lt looks good.
l found Jesus
in the darkest night
You get back in here!
Do you have any idea
how dangerous that is?
ln, in!
- ln!
- Okay.
Get in!
- was holding on.
- You wanna give me a heart attack?
Did l scare you?
Why are we goin' to Dallas?
An associate of mine
has arranged a place
for us to stay for the night.
This Mary Ellen woman's
being very generous
to offer us her hospitality,
so l hope you will be
on your best behavior.
l'm always on my best behavior.
Sabrina and Toby, right?
l'm Mary Ellen.
Come on in.
l'm havin' a little get-together.
You two just come on in
and make yourselves at home.
Mary Ellen, come here.
Felicia's showing us
her new vagina.
l'm sorry.
They're feelin' a little feisty.
Everybody, this is Sabrina,
and her handsome
escort here is Toby.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How y'all?
Margaret said you were stealth.
l am in public,
but this is the privacy
of my own home.
Welcome to the first meetin'
of the gender pride
President's Day weekend
Caribbean cruise planning committee.
- We have to go.
- No.
Where you guys know each other from?
We don't.
She's a friend of a friend....
of a friend.
There's rum punch in the kitchen
and guacamole in the dining room.
Yeah, don't be so uptight.
lt's a party.
Margaret told me you were plannin'
to have your surgery soon.
Toby doesn't know about me.
You're stealth to him?
Oh, sugar dumplin'!
Don't worry, honey.
We've all been there.
l'll pass the word.
lt was one of those
instant best friend things.
At the time, we were
both straight men.
What could you do with that?
We had our surgery on the same day.
We ended up holding hands
in the recovery room.
And now this gorgeous creature's
the love of my life.
We were just telling your friend
a little bit about
the transsexual lifestyle.
Mmm.
Not what you're
used to in church, huh?
These are vaginal dilators.
She just had her surgery last month.
This is Keanu two.
This is Keanu three.
Where's Keanu one?
Keanu one is in Hollywood
filming a major science-fiction epic,
and we don't want to hear
a snarky remark about him.
We're not gender-challenged,
we're gender-gifted.
l've been woman
and l've been man,
and l know more things
than you single-sex people
can even imagine.
Dude, l thought you were a real guy.
We walk among you.
That poor thing couldn't pass
on a dark night at 200 yards.
ln the pink.
You better check your T-dar, honey.
She's a G.G.
- A what?
- A genuine girl.
From Mary Kay.
lf you let her do a color trial,
she'll give you a free compact.
Oh, give me a home
Where the buffalo roam
And the deer
and the antelope play
With each other
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word
And the skies
are not cloudy all day
Everybody!
Home, home on the range
Where the deer
and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word
And the skies
are not cloudy all day
Oh!
Ah!
Sorry.
Could you hand me
my robe, please?
The pink satin.
lt's by the...
thank you.
lt's an unfortunate side effect
of my pills.
They're a diuretic.
Gross.
A diuretic.
lt means you go
number one, not number two.
Listen, l'm sorry about
those ersatz women.
What?
Ersatz.
lt means phony.
Something pretending to be
something it's not.
l thought they were nice.
Zoologists are the guys
that work in the zoos, right?
Yes, among other places.
l never met my real dad.
My mom never talked about him.
l'm gonna go
live with him, though.
As soon as l get enough money,
l can get some nice clothes,
and knock on his door, surprise him.
Do your mom and dad
live in California, too?
My parents are dead.
Do you like zoos?
l don't mind
the modern ones, l guess.
The animals may not be free,
but they're safe.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Night.
Good night.
- Did you go to college?
- Yes.
- What did you study?
- A lot of things.
French, cultural anthropology,
archaeology, psychology,
art history. Y uck.
Possum.
Biology.
during the cretaceous period,
these plains were the floor
of a huge inland sea.
We there yet?
lf you don't wanna learn anything,
then never mind.
All right, l'm listening.
lt cut the entire continent in two.
Dinosaurs lived on either side.
Then a huge meteor struck the earth.
Some people say that's why
the dinosaurs went extinct,
but why should the insects,
birds and mammals have survived?
- Why?
- l don't know,
but it's always seemed
a little bit fishy to me.
Did you know they found
giant shark remains
in the middle of Kansas?
How big were they?
Big enough to swallow you
without even chewing.
- Got you.
- You did not.
- l got you.
Ah, you got me in the eye,
you got me in the eye.
l'm so sorry.
Did l hurt you?
Ha ha! Got you.
Ow!
Stop it.
Ow!
Seriously, watch the road.
You drive.
l hope we pass a rest stop soon.
My diuretic's kicking in.
Do rattlesnakes come out at night?
Well...
l must say, that's a relief.
Something wrong?
This is a no-smoking room.
New Mexico is
the ufology capital of the world.
Ufology.
From U.F.O.
The study of
unidentified flying objects.
You know, social ostracism
doesn't work in a community of two.
Damn it, Toby, say something.
l wanna go to Sammy's Wigwam.
Here's some arrowheads.
They're only a dollar each.
He's been acting like that all day.
Young man, if you don't
start behaving in a civilized fashion,
you and l are going to have
a very serious problem.
Fuck you.
Hey, you watch your mouth
around your mother.
She is not my mother!
She's not anyone's mother.
She's not even a real woman.
She's got a dick.
Don't you?!
Don't you?
Go on, tell him.
You're a fuckin' lying freak.
What do you want outta me?
Just because a person
doesn't go around
blabbing her entire biological history
to everyone she meets
doesn't make her a liar.
Why didn't you
just tell me the truth?
So you could humiliate me
in public even sooner?
You knew all about me.
Why did you bail me out of jail?
You just walked into jail,
asked 'em who needed help?
You know what, fuck you!
l never even heard of
a tranny church lady.
Just drop me off
in the next town.
So you don't think l have
the right to belong to a church?
My body may be a work in progress,
but there is nothing
wrong with my soul.
Jesus made me this way for a reason
so l could suffer and be reborn
the way he was.
So you're cutting
your dick off for Jesus?
You don't cut it off.
Just gonna have an inny
instead of an outie.
Eww.
Hi.
ls there any chance
that you could offer
a fellow traveler a ride?
Absolutely.
We love helping strangers.
Beef jerky?
Uh, no thanks.
l'm a level four vegan.
l don't eat anything
that casts a shadow,
but a little token of my appreciation.
Absolutely.
l'm sorry, but the secondary smoke
might render me unfit to drive.
She's cool, right?
She's not a she,
she's got a dick.
Toby!
For now, at least.
You're a guy?
l'm a transsexual woman.
Wow!
l think transsexuality
is a radically evolved state of being.
Hey, look.
Many societies throughout history
have honored and revered
transgendered people--
The Zulu, the Yoruba.
The Native Americans
called us two-spirit people.
Two spirits.
That's cool.
Tell him what they're
gonna do with your dick.
Then the settlers came.
They tended to murder us on sight.
The way the white man treated
the lndian was very deeply fucked up.
Yeah.
Are you sure you won't join us?
Come on.
We know what you got.
You boys go ahead.
Have fun.
So what do you do
when you're not following the open road?
l'm a Peyote shaman.
How do you do that?
lt involves consuming
majestic amounts of peyote.
When you're done throwing up,
you see things.
- What things?
- Once l saw my own death.
Do you by any chance
drown in a desert lake?
No. l die in
a depressurization accident
on a moon colony.
l'll show you something.
lt's in my bag.
Do you still think what you said
back at Sammy's Wigwam?
What?
That l'm a freak.
You're not a freak.
You're just a liar.
Oh, shit!
My purse!
My hormones!
You dirty motherfucker!
My dog book was in that car.
Oh.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
My surgery.
l have to be in L.A. ln two days.
What are we going to do?
ls it soothing?
We could sell it.
How much could you get?
Oh, sweet.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh!
Oh!
l don't care about the car.
l just need to get to Los Angeles
as quickly as possible.
l'm driving a couple of good ponies
over to the sale in Show Low
in the morning.
Could give you a ride that far.
Hey, Woodrow, can l get
a burger for the young lady here?
Yep.
lsn't Calvin an unusual name
for a Native American?
Not really.
My brothers names are Dwight, Lloyd,
Daryl and Woodrow.
What's your last name?
Many Goats.
lt's my mother's clan name.
Oh.
Matrilineal kinship system.
ls there a Mrs. Many Goats?
Oh, no.
No, not yet.
l guess the right woman
hasn't met me.
Oh!
There you are.
Calvin, l'd like
you to meet Toby.
- Toby, this is Calvin Many Coats.
- How you doin', son?
l saved you half a hamburger.
Calvin's offered us
a place to stay tonight
and a ride in the morning.
- lsn't that generous of him?
- Yes.
Oh.
Excuse me just a minute.
Yes, ma'am.
You-you already found a buyer?
At least now you don't have
any more of that damn drug.
Mm, shower.
So...
Calvin, have you spent all your life
in New Mexico?
Not yet.
Oh!
lt's beautiful.
lt's home.
Hi.
lt's Mescal.
Oh.
Friend of mine brings it up
from Oaxaca every year.
Beautiful dreamer
Wake unto me
Starlight and dewdrops
are waiting for thee
Sounds of the rude world
Heard in the day
Lulled by the moonlight
have all passed away
Beautiful dreamer
Queen of my song
List while l woo thee
with soft melody
Gone are the cares
of life's busy throng
Beautiful dreamer
awake unto me
Beautiful dreamer
Awake unto me
You can sing.
Oh, just enough to keep the dogs
off the back porch, that's all.
Have some more.
Thank you.
That'll put hair on your chest.
l hope not.
Morning, sleepyhead.
Guess what.
Calvin's gonna drive us
all the way to Phoenix.
Do my breasts seem smaller to you?
l've missed two doses of my pills.
You play with the body's
hormonal balance,
and you're playing with fire.
Playing with fire.
Playing with fire.
When you wear your cowboy hat,
if you wear it forward like that,
that means you're lookin' for trouble.
lf you wear it back like that,
it means you're not lookin' for trouble.
lf you wear it off to the side,
it means you're out
to impress the ladies.
How come an lndian
wears a cowboy hat?
l guess because it keeps the sun
out of my eyes
better than a headband
and a couple of eagle feathers.
Calvin was telling me
that his people are Navajo.
Only part Navajo.
My great-great-great
great-grandfather was Zuni.
You got a Cherokee look about you.
Proud people, them Cherokee.
- Too young.
- No, l'm not.
Yes, you are.
Here.
Drink some water.
Now if you gentlemen will excuse me,
l have to... use the powder room.
Oh.
- Here.
- Thank you.
- Allow me.
- Thank you.
- Oops!
Dude, there's things about her
she's not tellin' you.
Well,
every woman has a right
to a little mystery...dude.
You know she's a Jesus freak?
She's probably waitin' to convert you.
She can convert me
any time she wants to.
Well, l wish l could
drive you all the way to Los Angeles.
So do l.
Here, let me
get that for you.
lt's all right.
lt doesn't work
from the inside.
Sticks a bit.
Thank you.
Bree, there's some things
about me you don't know--
Some things about my past.
We all have our secrets.
l been in jail more than once,
l'm about blind in one eye,
and l got
a half a pound of shrapnel
in my left leg.
But if you're ever in New Mexico,
l'd really like it
if you give me a call.
Thank you, Calvin.
l'll do that.
TOB Y:
Let's go.
Come here.
This used to belong
to a real good friend of mine.
He was a champion
in the all-lndian rodeo circuit.
Now you look like a warrior.
Ma'am.
Where are we?
My parents' house.
l thought you said
your parents were dead.
Mmm.
Wishful thinking.
Who's Sydney?
My baby sister.
Go.
May l help you?
ls Sydney here?
Sydney's out.
May l tell her who called?
l don't think so.
Don't look at me that way.
l'm not looking at you.
All right, all right.
Shit!
l mean darn.
No, l mean shit.
May l help you, young lady?
Dad, it's me.
- Mom!
Dad?
Mom!
Get in here before
the neighbors see you!
Jesus Christ,
l can't even recognize you.
lt's me, only different.
So you've done it.
lt's all over.
l don't think that's
any of your business.
Mom!
Thank God, Murray.
He's still a boy.
My poor Stanley.
l can't look at you like this!
Geez, why do you always
upset her like that?
l tell you what.
l'm just gonna get something
to eat and drink,
and then l'll go back
and wait for Sydney outside.
Are you sure
you're all right, Stanley?
Fabulous.
Never been better.
- Stanley...
- Bree.
Sabrina Claire Osbourne.
Look, we're gonna need
more time with that.
Your mother and l
both love you--
But we don't respect you.
l'll never understand
why you're doing this to me.
l'm not doing anything to you.
l'm gender dysphoric.
lt's a genetic condition.
Don't try to blame
your father and me for this.
You shouldn't use
so much mayonnaise.
Are you trying
to give yourself a heart attack?
Let me do that!
You know what l see
when l look at you?
l see a lost soul
crying out for help.
This would never have happened
if you had only come to church
when you were little,
instead of going off
to that synagogue of your father's.
Mom, dad?
There's a scruffy-looking kid outside.
Holy shit!
Language, Sydney!
l don't fuckin' believe it!
Stanley.
Bree.
Bree.
Well, Bree, l was hopin'
you'd show up one of these days,
take some of the heat off me.
lt's nice to see you, too.
lf that kid out there's your boyfriend,
l'm gonna slit my wrists.
l need to talk to you in private.
Oh, my God.
He is!
You lucky son of a--
l mean, you lucky bitch.
Your boyfriend?!
That filthy teenage
juvenile delinquent
who came to the door?
He happens to be a clean,
healthy and respectable young man.
l don't want to hear
any more about it.
How old is he?
Seventeen.
Oh, my God!
Murray, he's underage.
Mom, he's my son.
You're shittin' me!
- Remember Emma Wilkins?
- What are you saying?
ls Emma here, too?
She killed herself.
Jesus!
KineIhora.
Are you trying to tell me
that that boy
who came to the door...
he's your grandson.
My grandson.
My grandson.
Oh, dear God.
He doesn't know anything,
and l don't want him to.
Wait!
- Call me grandpa.
- Shit!
Oh, you poor thing.
Get up off that filthy ground.
Get up!
There could be
all sorts of awful things down there.
Look at you.
What a handsome boy.
Do you know who l am?
- l'm your--
- A friend. Bree's mother.
He doesn't know
about me, do you understand?
l don't want him
to know about me. Agreed?
- You're not gonna say anything?
- No.
Hi there.
l'm Sydney.
Hey. Toby.
- What do you say?
- Toby.
Come on inside
where there's nice air conditioning.
Come on, honey,
and l'll make you
a nice plate of food.
Mm, defrosted to perfection.
Finish your vegetables.
He doesn't like broccoli.
Open up.
Lucky, no!
l swear, that dog is a sex maniac!
Just like your father.
At least he gets
more action than l do.
My mom used to live
in Phoenix before l was born.
Really?
What a coincidence.
What did your name used to be
when you were a guy?
Honey, why don't you go
and watch TV
in the spare bedroom, hmm?
You can take the dog.
Come here.
Come here, boy.
Stanley, what are you
planning to do
with that poor boy?
First of all, l'm gonna make sure
he knows that he's encouraged
and supported.
And that he's respected.
Maybe even...
well, at least that he's respected.
Behold the return
of the Prodigal son.
Can we try to be nice
to each other, please?
This is so bizarre.
l can still see Stanley in you,
but it's like you put yourself
through a strainer
and got rid of all the boy pulp.
Planning a game
of bridge with the girls?
Hmm.
Can l borrow $1 ,000?
You've gotta be kidding.
Do l hear a dollar and a half?
l have to account for every penny.
Eighteen months sober,
and they're still
scared shitless l'm gonna relapse
and wind up passed out on the floor
in some dive down on Van Buren.
God, those were the days.
My surgery's day after tomorrow.
l need air fare to get home.
You know, growin' up,
l always thought
you were the lucky one.
Hmm.
Try this one.
Oh, my God.
lt'll be like showgirls, um...
on lce Capades.
l'm a transsexual,
not a transvestite.
Yeah, but it will really
freak Mom out.
Now you've lost all credibility.
Toby, don't break that, honey.
lt's very expensive.
Murray, l just hate the way
you had Lucky's tail clipped.
Stands straight up just like a penis.
- Black and hairy.
- Well, it does.
Not like any penis l've ever seen.
Me neither.
Toby!
Toby, come over here
and let me fix your hair.
Come on.
Come on, honey.
Stay.
Sit.
Oh, you have such
nice, thick hair.
Just like mine.
And those clothes
are a great improvement.
They fit good, huh?
- They fit well.
- Grammar police.
Good evening.
That dress looks
perfectly ridiculous.
You're looking
very handsome.
You look good, too.
Beauty is relative.
For God's sake, Mom!
Oh, don't pick on me, not tonight.
l can't take it.
l used to read pornography
on the toilet,
and ever since,
l have shitty sex.
You get it?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Toby, come and sit here next to me.
Here, take a picture.
Murray, scoot over.
Come on, honey. Right here.
That's right, Toby honey.
Lean in close, honey.
All right, everybody.
One, two, three.
We all look much happier
than we really are.
Can you take one
of the two of us?
l'll take it.
Nice to see a young man
being so polite to his mother.
That's not his mother.
And, uh, a hamburger
for the young gentleman.
Enjoy your meal.
Toby, do you want to say grace?
Go ahead, honey.
Don't be shy.
Uh, God,
bless this restaurant and, uh...
these thy gifts that we're
about to receive forever
and ever.
And thank you, Lord,
for bringing Toby to us.
And please let us all stay together
in health and spirits.
ln Jesus Christ's name.
Amen.
Amen.
SIhalom Israel.
Jesus!
Oh, Toby, honey,
don't take the lettuce
out of your hamburger.
lt's good for you.
Sydney, don't play with your food.
Sieg Iheil.
Can l borrow $1 ,000?
Toby, your hamburger's almost raw.
Let me send that back.
l can pay it back with interest.
What do you need the money for?
To get back to Los Angeles.
Look at your life.
You've never been able
to stick to a decision.
Ten years of college,
and not a single degree.
How do you know you won't change
your mind about this, too?
Because l know.
Don't do this awful thing
to yourself. Please.
l miss my son.
Mom...
you never had a son.
How can you say such a thing?
Now you know how l felt
when you hired those private detectives.
We only tried to do the best for you.
ls that why you tried
to have me committed?
You tried to kill yourself!
Because you tried
to have me committed!
l don't know why
you have to be so emotional.
l am not emotional!
God, my cycle's all out of whack.
You don't have cycles.
Hormones are hormones.
Yours and mine just happen
to come in little purple pills.
Young man, may we get
some doggie bags here, please?
Yes, ma'am.
l'm going to finish
cooking his hamburger at home.
Murray, give me your wallet.
Here's $200.
We'll get the rest out of the safe.
There's one condition.
l want Toby to stay here with me.
Wouldn't you like that, honey?
You could have
your own little apartment.
We'll remodel the guest house.
Do you like to play tennis?
We have eight new courts
at the country club.
Murray and l just feel that
you need a stable, loving family
with the means to give you
every chance that you deserve.
Toby, here you are, baby.
Ha ha ha!
Half ltalian villa,
half country club.
Beauty is relative.
Not my relatives.
l wish just once they'd
look at me and see me.
That's all.
Just really see me.
Why are they bein' so nice to me?
Mmm.
You think l oughta stay here?
Do you want to?
lt's pretty nice.
l think you oughta do whatever
you think is best for you.
But if you want,
you can come and live with me.
l can't give you anything like this,
but l'm sure
we could manage something.
Did you really try to kill yourself?
l swallowed half a bottle of Nembutal.
Then l panicked and called 91 1 .
Maybe you're not the suicidal type.
Maybe.
Unless my mother is right,
and l just can't stick to a decision.
- Come in.
Can't you sleep?
- Not really.
- Do you need something?
A glass of milk?
No.
What is it?
l must look awful.
You look good.
You look well.
Don't worry.
What are you doin'?
What l'm good at.
No, no.
lt's okay.
l want to.
You'll like it, l promise.
l don't wanna like it.
l don't want it at all.
Okay.
l'll marry you if you want.
l don't care how big your place is.
l just wanna be with you.
l think you're sexy, Bree.
lt's like...
like l see you.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Put your clothes on.
l mean it.
Right now. Stop it.
What's the matter?
Just...would you please
just cover yourself up?!
- l am such a total shit.
- No, you're not.
There's something l should've
told you a long time ago.
You're going to hate me.
l'm not really...
exactly...
affiliated with a church.
l already figured that out.
What?
My mom and dad.
lt's your mom...
and me.
Toby...
l'm so sorry.
l know l shouldn't have lied to you.
l know how disappointed you must be.
A one-bedroom apartment
instead of a mansion,
and half-Jewish
instead of half-lndian.
Toby.
Toby.
Why don't we look on the bright side?
We've gotten to know each other--
Our strengths and weaknesses--
And we're still
good friends, aren't we?
l'm so sorry!
l truly, really,
l didn't mean to hurt you!
My mother's probably right.
l'm a terrible influence.
Oh, please, this is
a terrible time for me.
Toby, wait.
Oh!
You are not my father.
Oh, my God!
Oh, honey.
There, there.
He didn't mean it, honey.
He's just a little bit upset.
There now.
There, there.
There, there.
Toby's gone!
He took my purse...
and my bucking bronco statue.
What do you want to do, Sta--
Bree.
Yes.
He's 17, but you don't know
his date of birth?
What's your
relationship to the missing boy?
l am his father.
Can't you put out an A.P.B.
or something?
We'll do our best.
l'm sorry to say this,
but chances are,
if he doesn't wanna be found,
he's gonna stay lost.
lt's okay
You don't have to be afraid
There's nothin' to worry about
'Cause we got it made
lt's just a simple matter of
Letting me into your love
lf you let that feeling
come over you
Then there's nothin' more
that you can do
Just let it go
Let it go
Hey.
This is Bree.
lf it's love you want
Hold out your arms
Thank you very much.
lt's all right here
lt's safe and warm
lt's okay to feel good
Everything is fine.
Your surgery was
a complete success.
Everything we have
is fresh and new
l will open myself up to you
Like a rose
Like a rose
Hello, my lady.
How are you feeling?
And don't say like a new woman.
l...
feel like a medieval heretic
impaled on a very large
and very thick...
stake...
with splinters.
Nice hat.
lt was a present.
Bree, why do l get the feeling
that there's something
not quite right?
Last week, you said
this was gonna be
the happiest day of your life.
Last week was a long time ago.
Talk to me.
l fucked up.
lt hurts.
Oh!
Oh, my sweetie.
That's what hearts do.
lt's okay.
Okay.
Okay.
l'm sorry.
No, let it out.
This is good, Bree.
This is good.
Amo la comida mexicana.
Amo la comida mexicana.
Y amo Fernando.
Amo la comida mexicano.
Mexicana.
School's gonna be closing
in about 1 5 minutes.
Wayne, this is really hard.
Do you think
you could give me a hand?
Sure.
What subject?
Sex education.
All right, cut.
He needs help again.
Let's go, let's go.
Did you take your Viagra?
Yes, ma'am.
When's the last time you came?
Like two hours ago.
Christ, kid.
You've got to focus, okay?
Can you focus?
We're behind schedule.
We've gotta move.
Ow.
Toby.
Don't think that l'm
fucking forgiving you,
because l'm not.
All right.
- l just came over to see if you did it.
- Did what?
Got your dick turned inside out.
Yes.
Won't you come in?
Just for a little while?
- l have something for you.
- What?
Please.
Your parents' house is a lot nicer.
My parents' house
comes with my parents.
l thought you said we were Jewish.
Half-Jewish...
through my father,
so it's technically the wrong half,
and you're only a quarter.
The wrong quarter.
l'm gonna finish up my degree.
l thought l'd take up teaching.
Maybe rent a house someplace.
Someplace with a yard.
What have you got for me?
Hang on a minute.
l've missed you.
Have a seat.
So how have you been?
l've been all right.
Would you care to divulge
a few more details?
- l'm making a movie.
- You are?
Told you l could.
They're already doin'
the advertisement for it.
- Here.
- Oh.
''Cowabunghole.''
That's Dylan Reeves.
He's a big star.
Huh.
And there's you.
lt's a very nice picture.
l like your hair.
lf you want, l could get you
a discount when it comes out.
Thank you.
That's very considerate.
l got these clothes
at the Beverly Center.
Beverly Hills.
Would you like a coke?
l'll take a beer.
All right.
Young man, if you think
you can put your dirty tennis shoes
on my brand-new coffee table,
you're gonna have to think again.
THE END