Cake (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

1 (radio static whirs) (engine idling) (window gears roll down) (idling continues) (monitor beeping) (monitor flatlines) Scalpel, please.
In through the first layer Can I have a clamp, please? Got a bleeder.
Clamp? I'm gonna go in with my hand.
Cloth.
Okay.
Scalpel.
(monitor flatlines) (mellow music) (doorbell buzzes) Hey! What is your problem, dude? Oh, sorry.
Sorry, man.
Sorry.
My fault.
(mumbles) What's your problem? (person sighs) Dude (sighs) (clears throat) Are you just gonna stand there? Yeah, what's your problem? My problem? As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to stop being so goddamn sensitive.
(woman vocalizes) (energetic music) Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (woman vocalizing) The first time I knew something was wrong with me, it was a sleepover at Billy Lee's house.
I was eight years old.
Come on, please.
We were arguing over which movie to watch.
Outstanding.
Oh, Jerome, no! I am not watching Titanic again.
(sighs) Okay, fine.
I brought two other ones.
Let me see.
We're gonna take a vote.
Who wants to watch Bridget Jones' Diarrhea? That's not what it-- Zero votes.
Who wants to watch How Stella Gets Her Boobs Back? It's "groove back," not "boobs back.
" And it's very empowering.
Guess that's one vote for no boobs.
Okay, now who wants to watch Nightmare of Death 2: Another Hell Dream, rated R? I wanted to watch people fall in love.
Billy and the others wanted to watch them get stabbed to death.
As I got older, kids went from seeing me as a curiosity to seeing me as an easy target.
- He's so screwed.
- (laughs) What's up, Jerms? I said, "What's up, Jerms?" Dan was one of the most feared guys in the whole school.
(laughs) What you got there, Jerms? Oh, nothing, just some art supplies.
What are you gonna do with those fart supplies, Jerms? (laughter) Uh, not--yeah, they're for my decoupage project.
Your "gay coupons" project? (laughter) (laughs mockingly) Yeah.
Okay, well, you know, I should probably get going.
Mm.
I don't think so.
Hey! Whoa! Hey! Give-- - Whoa! - (laughter) What do we have here? Dan, this is not funny.
Those are my acrylics! You know how much those cost my mom? I was treated like I was weak because I was weak.
I let it happen because I deserved it.
(haunting organ music) But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it had to stop.
(slowed) Not the vase! (mellow music) People--people say all the time, "What's wrong with Dad? "He seems like he's hiding something.
Why won't Dad let go?" Oh, masculinity.
Little thing called masculinity.
What's--what's the word that I can find-- "Mask.
" Mask-ulinity.
The answer is (stutters) Embedded in the word.
And you wonder why Dad can't cry.
(musical reverberation) (squelching) (indistinct chatter) That's really good.
Thanks.
It's perfect.
(stammers) Oh, can you just humor me and just make that just a tiny bit bigger? Yeah, sure.
We got that meeting at 4:00 it looks like.
Mm-hmm.
- You liking that? - Yeah.
She said "refreshing," specifically.
Eh, I'm worried about that.
Right.
Maybe try an indigo.
Okay, yeah.
Ah-- (sighs) Try lowering the opacity.
Yeah.
Mm, no, too much, sweetheart.
Hey, just talked to Jen.
She said she wants vibrant.
- She said "refreshing.
" - Oh, okay.
(whispering) We regroup at 4:00.
- I know.
- She knows.
What--what if it's an ultramarine? Could you just shrink the logo by 30%? - (keys clacking) - Feels more like 20%.
Yeah.
Nudge it to the left.
Left, left, left, left, left, left.
Stop.
Excuse me.
To the right.
How about an ultramarine? - Good idea.
- Yeah, ultramarine.
Uh-huh.
- No.
- That's not working.
- Actually, knock out the logo.
- We need that logo.
- Try adding a thicker border.
- PNG or - You guys try Gotham? - Flip it.
- Just a hair.
- Flip the image, honey.
- Some other option.
- No.
- Honey, flip it back.
- (overlapping chatter) It's a social media handle.
(upbeat music) (chanting) Deep-sea predators! Deep-sea predators! Yes, let me hear it.
Deep-sea predators! Listen, the problem with our society is that it's a society of conformists.
These are people that expect you to stay at the bottom of the food chain, wag your little tail - (laughter) - And swim away when the bigger guys show up.
You know what I say? I saw screw that! Because there are no microorganisms.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
There are only micro-attitudes.
You know, people come to me all the time, and they say, "Thanks to the top food chain method," "I'm eating organisms twice my size, and I maybe have lost weight.
" (cheers and applause) Oh, okay, I see some new faces in the crowd tonight.
Uh, yeah, you in the back with the yellow, uh, inner organs - What? Me? - What's your name? - Where you from, man? - Oh, uh, I-I'm Anton.
I'm from the other side of that bit of kelp over there.
All right, well, let's make some noise for Anton from the other side of the kelp.
Come on, everybody, give him a hand.
- Get him up here.
- (laughs) Okay.
- Thank you.
- Talk to me, man.
What are you doing here? Why are you here? Uh, well, I want to become a better writer.
Sometimes people even laugh at me at the poetry clubs, and I-I really think-- I imagine that's not the response you want - N-no.
- At the club.
Yeah, no, no.
And so what you are telling me is that you actually need to gain respect from your peers.
Yeah, yeah, I suppose.
Respect, my friend, is all about who is dominant in the current situation.
And I think you already know what you should do.
U-uh 'Cause you're gonna eat all those other poets.
(cheers and applause) - Wait.
What? - Listen, Anton.
Do you want to be on the bottom, or do you want to be on the top, my friend? - (stammers) - I am serious.
You could go back to your shit life and be some bottom-feeding loser from the other side of the kelp, but I have a feeling you're here because you're the kind of organism that strives for greatness.
Am I wrong? No, I want to be the best.
I really do.
Look at me and say it after me! - Huh! - Huh.
- Louder.
Huh! - Huh! Look at this guy! Isn't he a deep-sea predator? Say "I'm going to eat those other poets.
" I--uh Leave the weakness behind, Anton! Okay, I'm going to eat the other poets! I said, "Hell, yes!" You have witnessed the birth of a predator, people! Okay, wow.
Whoo! I'm gonna eat them.
- (crowd chanting) - Yeah.
(bell dings) (suspenseful note) (breathes deeply) You might think I'm about to tell you how I finally learned to stand up to my bully, but, no.
I was too much of a pussy for that.
If I was gonna stop Dan from tormenting me, I would have to use the only thing I understood emotions.
(gun clicks) Dear Dan, on numerous occasions, you've demonstrated that you have vast reserves of passion and commitment.
These are admirable qualities.
Unfortunately, until now, those qualities have only been directed toward my humiliation and torture.
You're a smart guy.
I bet if you looked around, you could easily find a more constructive outlet for your considerable talents.
Everybody gets sad sometimes.
That's part of what it means to be a human being.
When I'm sad, I like to have a good cry.
Try it.
You might find it's more effective than punching me.
Your friend, Jerome.
Nobody's ever said anything nice about me before.
From now on, we're best friends.
That was it.
No more beatings, no more wedgies.
In fact, no more bullying of any kind.
Don't get me wrong.
Dan still has his problems.
His inner bully would still come out from time to time.
Now that I think about it, he's still a little bit of a dick, even now.
But for the most part, he was changing.
And I was changing.
It was a glorious time.
(mellow tones) (alarm bell ringing, siren wailing) (indistinct shouting, horn blares) Everybody down! Listen up! Listen up! Let's hit those front and rear exits, stat! You got it, Cap! All right, let's cut the juice first, though.
That's a better idea.
Rock and roll.
Yeah, good--good idea.
(ringing stops) (indistinct chatter over radio) Hey, Cap.
Sorry about that juice thing.
I just figured that's protocol.
Forget about it.
We're in a fire right now.
O'Neill, I just secured three civilians.
(both scream) (truck door closes) Hey, Cap, what's the matter? Yeah, can I talk to you for a sec? Now's not really a good time.
You're right.
Go deal with your fire.
(indistinct chatter over radio) Now I have two fires to put out, don't I? What, are you guys on a fucking date? We got a fire over here.
Hey, Cap, if you're not gonna use that ax, can I have it? - You want this ax? - Yeah.
Jesus.
What the hell is eating you? Why didn't you invite me to Kate's party? (sighs) You don't even like karaoke.
- I bought her a gift.
- Well, then return it.
You know what? I'm done.
- Oh, Jesus, Cap.
- This is my last fire.
What's going on? We're getting our asses kicked over here.
He just needs a minute, all right? (sighs) Oh, my G-- Classic Chad.
- What did you say, rookie? - Classic Chad.
That sounds like insubordination.
You sound like a fucking bitch! Would you just knock it off? What is this, a pissing contest? I want to know what it means, O'Neill.
- What's Classic Chad? - Nothing.
Tom it's not nothing.
It means you're a fucking drama queen.
So old Cap's a drama queen, huh? (scoffs) Exhibit A.
(exhales sharply) You guys want to see some drama? - I'll show you some drama.
- Cap, what are you doing? Cap, the roof's about to cave in! Hey, you're gonna die in there! - Then call a priest! - (flames roar) (door slams) - No! - O'Neill! O'Neill, just leave him! Just leave him! He's gonna get us all killed! - He's my dad! - Ah! - (flames roar) - O'Neill! O'Neill! Ah! God damn it! (shouting) All right, I need everyone in here! Captain and O'Neill just went in there! - We got to get them out! - Come on! - Let's move! - Let's get in there! - Go, go, go! - Let's go! Everyone! Let's move! (door slams) (flames crackling) (flames roaring) (mellow tones) (doorbell ringing) You're having some trouble with your computer? Yeah, so, whenever I turn it on, it just seems like the fan-- Yeah, I'm looking through this now.
You have lots of pictures.
Yeah, that's not the thing I was-- - Is this--are you a hiker? - Yeah.
That's what it looks like from these pictures, - that you like to hike.
- Yeah, you know, uh When you work 9-5 in an office - You know, I like to hike? - Yeah? Yeah, my five-year plan is to be hiking seven days a week.
What's the end of your five-year plan? Do you see yourself married? I don't know, I've been more, like, career-focused.
Well, that's fair.
- Are you married? - Yep.
Well, actually, ask me that again.
Are you m-- Are you married? Nope.
I'm not married.
So if you wanna go on a hike sometime You're for sure-- You're not married? Hm.
It's just that the first time I asked, you said you were.
Huh.
(phone rings) Cake.
- (whistling) - (gasps) (whistling) What? What do you see? - You see something? - (whistling) Come on now.
Here we go, another bite.
(munches) - (whistling) - (groans, munching) (munching) (groaning) (upbeat music) (traffic noises) By my mid 20s, I was working as an app developer.
I learned pretty quickly.
Coding may not involve emotions, but working with other people-- well, that was something different entirely.
are working on what you sent that email about-- Load time is shit.
Thoughts? Did you run an analysis on the database-- I have lots of ideas.
I just couldn't seem to get them out of my mouth.
What if people didn't like what I had to say? What if I was dead wrong? Okay, guys, it's been three weeks.
I just got off the phone with the client, and they're threatening to hire another dev team if we don't make progress.
Come on, guys, I can't do this alone.
Um Jerome do you feel like you might know what's going on here? Um "Feel"? "Feel"? Now, I may not be able to articulate my ideas, but if there's one thing I know how to do, it's talk about my feelings.
Uh, uh, okay.
Um (chair scrapes) Well, um (inhales shakily) Yeah, so I feel I feel deep in my soul that we should really rethink how we're storing our session data.
Uh, maybe--maybe if we move-- After I learned that work was just another thing I had really strong feelings about, office life changed pretty quickly.
I feel like I deserve a raise.
How much a raise? Um, I'm feeling like 15%.
15%? That's That's a little high, don't you think? Well, commensurate to the amount of clients I've maintained and-- You gonna order something? What? You going to order something? (doorbell chimes) I said, "Are you gonna order something?" Come on, man.
Where am I? Hello? Earth to fuckface.
Huh? You've been standing there for five minutes.
Why is this man talking to me? What's your problem? What's my problem? (indistinct annoyed chatter) What--what's my problem? I don't know what my problem is, okay? Look, I mean Uh, all right, so I-I made my bully my best friend.
You know, I have complete confidence at work.
But, no, you know what? No, no, these are mere life hacks.
No, th--th-- You know it.
I know it.
I'm a complete fucking weenie, you know? Yeah, yeah, he even agrees.
He doesn't-- he just met me.
Look--I mean, okay, so what do I do? I have to--I have to-- I have to roll up my sleeves Don't care.
Take some time and take a good look at the underlying issues here.
I mean, I'm talking about a whole, complete paradigm shift.
I'm talking about a new outlook.
I'm talking about a brand-new attitude.
Why don't you just skip all that and change your attitude right now? I can do that? - Hello? - Yep.
Unbelievable.
Tell him to go.
See? I guess he doesn't want our business.
This guy gets it.
This guy fucking gets it.
I mean, I knew there was a reason I blacked out three hours ago and walked in here in a semi-fugue state.
Thank you! Take it to the side, dude, like (indistinct chatter) (doorbell chimes) It's New Year's Eve, baby! And the new Jerome is about to drop right now! (dynamic music) Fuck you! Go away For a day I will find you (upbeat music) -(clear music) - Yes