Mad About You s02e16 Episode Script

Honey.
- Is that you? - Hi.
- Why are you late? - What? - Why are you late? - My watch froze, thank you.
- Are we gonna do this? - I don't know.
Yeah, right? It's Valentine's Day.
We always do this.
- Yeah, let's do it.
- We'll do it.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- I'm really sorry.
- It's all right.
- You know what? Let's go home.
- Why? Because you're getting sick, and I have felt no toes for 17 blocks.
- But it's so romantic.
- Maybe tomorrow.
- Tomorrow's not Valentine's Day.
- I understand, but so what? This is the sixth time you've come up here for one last look.
It's our first apartment together.
- How long have you been married? - We're not.
What does that mean? - I don't see us - It feels right to me.
- You think so? - Why not? Try taking turns.
You're gonna fix the shower so the pressure is just? - Firm but not pelting.
- Yeah, I don't like pelting.
- And the toilet? - Works perfectly.
I don't like a tentative toilet.
I like one good whoosh, and, "Nice talking to you.
" Right here, we could put a nice, big dining table.
- But only if we live here.
- What we're doing now is stupid.
- Why? - Three nights at my place three nights at your place.
It's crazy.
I don't know.
All my stuff is already at my place.
Look at this.
It's perfect.
Let's just sign the lease.
- Why has no one else taken it? - We put down a deposit.
- Before that.
- People were living here.
- What? - This is weird.
Is it just me, or is this floor kind of slanted? - What are you talking about? - I was walking along, and suddenly - You're nuts.
There's no slant here.
- I felt it.
I just sort of go, "Whoa.
" Listen, here's the lease.
I know it's a big decision.
Look it over.
You kids talk.
Take your time again.
- See, I love this thing.
- Here it is again.
Whoa! It's like a novelty they just throw in for nothing.
Do you think we should look for something cheaper? We won't get cheaper, so much space in such a great neighborhood.
Anyway, I'm doing better.
And you got that promotion.
It still smells like somebody else's apartment, doesn't it? In a couple of weeks, we'll have our own smell in here.
- We don't have a smell.
- We haven't lived together.
When you do, you get your own smell.
- It's a gas stove.
I'm used to electric.
- You don't cook.
But still.
- Here, look.
They have instructions.
- They do? Sure.
Three languages.
Pick one you like.
I love this thing.
Nice doggy.
- Murray likes it here.
- Yes, he does.
- Bend over.
- Excuse me? Let me sign the - What did you think? - You said bend over.
Stop it! - Will you get out of here? - I have nowhere to go.
You have a beautiful apartment.
You're moving in today.
- Who cares? It's all slanted.
- Still.
You should be home with Paul, setting up your new life.
- I have a new life here too.
- Not until tomorrow.
- Today, I'm still your boss.
Go home.
- I will.
I will.
I will.
- How does it feel with Paul? - It feels weird.
- You'll get used to it.
- I'm not so sure.
Hey, Franny! Hi.
- Hi! - Don't you live in my building? - What are you doing here? - What am I doing here? - I just came to say hi.
- You know what, James? - Rick has your executive washroom key.
- Really? You better get it before he leaves.
- Did you get it? - Yeah.
Mark's uncle got it under cost.
- Under cost.
That's like what, stealing? - Practically.
That's very much a ring.
It's so final.
- Rick says you have it.
- Have what? - My key.
- No.
I put it in his top middle drawer.
Man! - She doesn't know about this, right? - No way.
- Promise? - Swear.
All right.
Fran, thank you.
- He doesn't have it.
- I am such a stupid-head! I put it in my top middle drawer.
- The executive washroom.
- Look at that.
- Are you going to the apartment? - I'm going to see Ira.
- Okay, I'll stay and help Fran.
- Okay.
Fran, I'll see you later.
And you, I'll definitely see later.
Honey, what time will you be home? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That just flew out of my mouth.
- That's all right.
- All right.
- See you later.
- You sure will.
Bye.
- I've gotta get my ass out of this.
- What? - What are you talking about? - Tell the landlord I'm a bad risk.
- We can't afford it anyway.
- You have my job now.
You can afford it.
- I can't let you do that.
- It's my decision.
- I want to be with my husband and kids.
- Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
- Kids grow up.
What if you two split up? - Yeah, right.
What if we split up? What if he doesn't love me? - He loves you.
- How do you know? - Because I know.
- I don't know.
How can you know? Because he does.
- No, I'm calling the landlord myself.
- Don't.
- Why not? - He's gonna ask you to marry him.
- He is? - Over dinner.
- Really? - Really.
- Really, really? - Yes.
Oh, God! - Isn't that nice? - It's very nice.
- Be careful with it.
- I know.
I know.
- I wanna make sure it's real.
- Are you out of your mind? It's real.
- When are you gonna do it? - Tonight.
I've got it planned out.
I'm taking her out to dinner, but I won't mention Valentine's Day.
Nothing.
I won't say a word.
I'll let her sweat it out.
Make her think I forgot.
- Then you ask her.
- Then I'll ask her.
Very cool.
So you wanna go to the movies tonight? What did I just say? What am I doing tonight? No, I mean after.
Grab a beer and something to eat.
Go to a club.
- Boy, do I miss those days.
- What days? You know, like before.
Like yesterday.
- Count your blessings.
- I know.
I do.
I am.
- Where did that come from? - Your dad hired her.
Nice, huh? - Excuse me.
Ira? - Hi, Joan.
Meet my cousin.
- It's Joanne.
- That's what I said.
I just talk fast.
- Do you want some help? - Lf you don't mind.
Watch how this doesn't bother me at all.
There you go.
Whoops.
I got it.
I got it.
- There you go, Joanne.
- Thanks.
- I'm Paul Buchman, by the way.
- You're Burt's son? Yes.
Why would I fib to a lovely person like yourself? - He's always talking about you.
- And all the good stuff is true.
- Do you still make movies? - Sure.
Not only that, tonight he's proposing to his girlfriend.
Really? Excuse me.
What's the matter with you? She was smiling at me.
She wasn't smiling at you.
You always think they're smiling at you.
And if they are smiling at you, they're smiling at you about me.
- Anyway, you're married.
- Not yet.
Well, any minute.
- Boy - What? Girls, they're soft and good.
- Jamie is great.
- I know that.
So you're doing the right thing.
- You think? - I know.
You want to end up like me? A different chick every week.
Wondering where I'm gonna sleep tonight.
You know, pal.
And for the rest of your life you're gonna know.
- Come on.
- You've got the jitters, that's all.
I don't got the jitters, but something's wrong.
I'm sensing something.
- Like what? - I don't know.
It's like It's like last night We're home.
We're packing up.
Jamie is sitting there.
She looks cute, like always, but The light hit her face in a funny way, and I never noticed this she looked like the guy in Silence of the Lambs.
- Shut up! - What's his name? She did! What's his name? The guy who eats everybody.
- You're out of your mind.
- Maybe I am.
I keep having this dream.
This is weird.
I'm floating somewhere, and it's really cold.
I'm shivering.
This same song keeps coming on: Patsy Cline, "Crazy.
" Since when do you dream country? This is my point.
So I'm standing there and I'm floating, and these big, colorful globs just float by me.
- Globs, like what? - I don't know.
Big, fat, beautiful globs.
They're gliding around and swirling.
And I'm swirling and they're swirling and I'm swirling.
And all I can feel is that I lost something.
So you lost some globs.
I just feel that I need these globs.
- Maybe Jamie has some globs.
- Maybe not the right globs.
- What the hell are we talking about? - I don't know.
I just know that it feels wrong.
I'm not ready to do this, I'm telling you.
You've got the ring.
You've got the girl.
You've got the plan.
Tonight is the night.
- Really? - He's got it all planned out.
- I don't have to do this tonight.
- Come on.
He's got the ring.
It's gonna be your Valentine's present.
- What's the rush? - Really, really? - What am I doing here? - He loves you, James.
- You love her, you Pez-head.
- I'm not gonna do this.
Anthony Hopkins, that's his name.
Anthony Hopkins.
Not yet.
You said over dinner.
We haven't even eaten yet.
Any minute.
I'll call you later, bye.
I found the plates.
You don't have to make dinner.
We could still go out.
- I thought we should be home for this.
- For what? Dinner.
- I mean, it's our first night here.
- Okay.
- Lf you have something planned - I cancelled the reservation.
- You said you wanted to stay in.
- I do.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Unless you don't.
- It's fine.
It's fine.
- What are we having? - Rosemary chicken.
Wasn't that Nixon's secretary? I'm very impressed.
- Do you need some help? - Well, I still can't find the silverware.
- Silverware? Isn't that in this box? - That's what I thought.
There you go.
- Let me ask you something - What happened?! I'm sorry.
I was just gonna ask you, is this a colander or a strainer? I don't know.
There is a difference.
They're not the same thing.
Anyway, there's no silverware.
We are without spoons.
- That's okay.
We'll improvise.
- All right.
Here we go.
I have something.
We can spread it with a key.
- Thank you.
- So this is nice, huh? - What? - Just us, here.
You know Hello.
Hang on a second.
Fran.
Hello.
No.
What was that? She wanted to know if she should cornrow her hair.
- No.
- That's what I said.
- So - So.
You know - My whole life - Okay.
- Don't you ever knock? - Look what our parents sent me for Valentine's Day.
- That's nice.
It's a symbol, like they know they're the only ones who'll ever love me.
They think I can't get my own Valentine.
- Of course you can.
- Yeah, right.
Like who? - Can we discuss this tomorrow? - Fine.
Hey, nice place.
Thanks.
I'll see you.
- Don't I get a tour? - Not now.
- Fine, I'll look myself.
- Fine, I'll give you the tour.
That was the kitchen, right? - Good night.
- Nice to see you.
- I'm sorry about that.
- It's okay.
- What were you saying? - When? Before.
What was I saying? Something about your whole life, you? My whole life I what? I don't know.
- The chicken is ready.
- It can wait.
It's okay, I got it.
- Jamie - Yes.
Chicken tartare.
- I'm sorry.
- For what? - The pilot light.
- Who knew? - Are you guys ready? - Yes, we are.
- What's the soup today? - Wait, I know this one.
- I'll have broiled salmon and a salad.
- And I'll have the same.
As her? Yeah, the same as her.
But I'd like my own.
I'll ask if we're allowed to do that.
It must be her first day.
I'm sure she'll get better.
- What? - Nothing.
- What? - It's stupid.
It's okay.
You're allowed to be stupid with me.
I just feel lucky.
Me too.
Today is Valentine's Day and I wanted to do something really special.
So I got you something.
- You did? - Yeah.
Close your eyes.
- Keep them closed.
- I will.
- What kind of dressing did you want? - Go away.
Great, okay.
- Are you ready to be surprised? - I'm ready.
Open up.
- What is this? - It's your Valentine's Day present.
- Surprised? - Am I ever.
- I knew you would be.
- You were right.
I'm taking you skating.
Rockefeller Center.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Miss, we spilled some wine here.
- You should wrap the lace around there.
- I've got it.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
- Lf you don't want to do this - I want to.
You went to the trouble to buy skates.
I know you don't jump into these things lightly.
I'm sure you thought about it.
Maybe I'll get her flowers, maybe earrings, maybe a brooch.
How about a peignoir? No, I think skates.
- I don't know what a peignoir is.
- What difference does it make? It wasn't right, so why go through with it? Sometimes you think you've found the right thing, but it turns out not to be.
- It happens.
I had doubts myself.
- What the hell are you talking about? Let's skate, okay? - You okay? - I feel like a big, fat glob.
Everybody is a big, fat glob.
All you see is big, fat globs swirling What? Nothing.
- What is that song? - I don't know.
I have a hat on.
That's the song, that's - What's the matter? - I thought I lost something there.
What? You.
I wanna ask you something.
Really? It's so dumb, you know? I think I know.
Okay, here's what I think.
I think you and I should We should just You know, we should - Okay.
- What? I think you and I should We should Will you marry me? Yes.
Yes? So we'll skate.
- Do you like it? - I love it.
- It's nice, huh? - It's beautiful.
I got it.
- It's real.
- I know.