10 Things We Should Do Before We Break Up (2020) Movie Script
1
Hi Mommy.
Hi Mom.
Hold on, we've got a poor
connection.
I know, us too.
Okay, we're good now.
Okay, good.
Wanna see a spaceship I built?
This is where they fly the ship.
Uh-huh.
This is where they sleep,
and this is where they
go during meteor showers.
Oh wow, that's so cool!
Can you bring it to school so I
can
see it when I pick you up
tomorrow?
Sure, great.
Wallace, when was the last
time
you brushed that hair?
This morning.
Did you brush your
teeth this morning too?
Yes.
Oh Wallace,
don't hit your brother.
- Come on.
- I didn't, he hit me.
- Did not!
- Okay.
You guys.
Do you wanna see
what I made?
You have such
great new ones there.
Thanks,
which ones do you like?
I can bring them to your house.
I meant our house.
Can I speak
to your Dad real quick?
Yeah, sure.
Dad!
- Hi.
- What's going on?
Hi, how are ya?
Hi, good.
Tim, you forgot his guitar.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the
only
one on top of these things.
- Sorry Abigail, I spaced.
- Okay great.
- It won't happen again.
- So it won't be a problem?
No problem.
- Okay.
- Okay, listen.
Luke and Wally
it's your bath time.
Say goodbye to your Mama...
No!
Say goodbye!
It's your bath time!
So I'll see you guys
tomorrow at pick up right?
Okay.
Love you
Wallace, love you Luke.
Love you Mom!
- Bye!
- Love you!
Hi, Benjamin.
Hi.
So we have a lot in common.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So do you really like to cuddle?
Excuse me?
'Cause I do.
I mean I actually do like to
cuddle,
but I think then some people
just say that
'cause they wanna seem cuddlier.
I mean, a lot of people
really don't like cuddling.
It's like a morbid fear of
physical contact and intimacy.
In general, they just try to
destroy it
like it's a wave that breaks
apart before it crests.
So you surf?
Yeah.
And I'm only ever truly
at peace in the water.
Oh.
I'm kidding, I'm completely
kidding.
I'm not a surfer, no.
I've been a couple times, pretty
fun.
Yeah well, fun is overrated.
It's so overrated.
It kinda does beat staying
at home and weeping though.
You should try it sometime.
Fun?
No, no, surfing.
Oh.
Yeah, maybe I will.
Gosh, I'm a little thrown.
I'm sorry, you're a lot
more beautiful than the...
Okay, wait.
This is you, right?
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm Abigail.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Benjamin.
- Benjamin, that's right.
- Right.
Yeah, my.
That's,
oh that's a long story.
- It's not, my friend did that.
- You didn't.
- Yeah.
- I see.
Well is it
okay if I get a drink?
- Yes, please do.
- With you?
- Please get a drink.
- That's all right?
Yes, and let's start
over.
And then you can fight
things like fracking.
Yeah, I love to fight a
fracker.
Right?
Shit.
Shit!
Oh no.
What?
I know how this is gonna end
already.
Oh.
- Yeah.
- Really?
It's gonna end
badly.
It's gonna end tragically.
Yeah.
It's really sad.
That is sad.
I know, it's unavoidable.
I mean, it's gonna start out so
sweet.
Like unbelievably sweet
love of your life sweet,
for a while, and then
stress from outside forces
we can't predict is gonna
get the better of us.
And then we'll just slowly
devolve
and then suddenly into this
shock
and awe style of war of
attrition.
And then just before we've
completely destroyed each other,
there's gonna be this brief rest
bit of
calm, pure, perfect love.
Then, something from the past
that was set in motion a long
time ago,
some like minor but irreversible
mistake
is gonna get the better of us
and then there's not
gonna be any turning back,
and we'll just devolve
into this horrible like,
one more night please, kind of
sex.
Eventually we'll just get
exhausted by all the drama.
But then, I think in spite of
ourselves
we become really really close
friends
and then of course one of us
dies
before we tie the knot.
I just assumed one of us
would sleep with someone else
and ruin the whole thing.
You mean me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look, we need to.
I know what we need to do.
- What?
- We gotta take precautions.
- Precautions?
- Yeah.
Precautions.
10 things.
10 things we should do before we
break up.
So if it's doomed, why even
bother?
Well, it doesn't have to be
doomed,
this just all depends on
how you feel about it.
Number one.
Okay, get to at least
second base in a taxi
while crossing a bridge.
What are you, 12?
I was testing the waters,
okay...
Okay, number two, read the
Sunday Times
in bed cover to cover.
Cover to cover.
Okay, just the travel section.
We can pick places we wanna go,
and plan trips and never go on
them.
Okay, well then number
three, this is for you.
Learn to surf.
Number four, walk on a
deserted beach.
I think that's a little bit
obvious.
What if we like make out
in an empty swimming pool.
Or actually could we ride on
all the elevated trains in
Brooklyn?
That's oddly specific.
Yeah, it's sort of a buried
memory.
It's the last thing me and
my Dad ever did together.
Oh, that's sad.
Okay, let's move on, number
five.
Scream at each other.
Number six, hold each other
and cry.
Oh! No!
We're breaking up now!
We gotta hurry up!
Number seven, kiss and make up.
And I think we should do like
kissing
for 10 solid minutes.
Okay, number eight,
get married and have a child.
Oh, oh, a child?
Yeah, it...
What if I don't wanna have
kids?
Well then that would
be a deal breaker for me.
Come on, kids are creepy.
Kids are creepy?
Yeah, you know,
they're like intense.
Okay, okay, number nine,
nine, say I'm sorry.
Number 10, say goodbye.
No, no, no!
Come on, let's talk about this.
I can't.
Why not?
'Cause I have to go.
Please don't.
What if I feel strongly about
kids?
You feel strongly about
having kids with me?
No, that's not...
No, I mean, wow, that's really
sexy.
I really have to think about
that.
Come on, I'm not ready to say
goodbye.
But we did all these great
things
and then it fell apart.
Yeah, but the whole point of
the list
is to keep it from falling
apart.
No, no.
You said it was inevitable.
It doesn't have to be
inevitable.
Look, let's get out of here.
Where are we going?
I know this really beautiful
bridge.
Hey.
So what do you wanna do?
Mommy, do you need
some help?
No.
Fuck.
Fucking thing.
Hey.
Hi.
- I'm not late, right?
- Oh no.
It's good to see
you.
It's good to see you.
How are you?
Good, good.
Not great, but...
No?
No, I just, I think I missed
you.
What's new with you?
Nothing much.
Cool.
Yeah.
Are you hungry?
Totally.
So, there
was actually something
I wanted to tell you.
No, I think I
know what you're gonna say.
I can explain...
I'm pregnant.
What?
I'm pregnant and I have two
kids.
You're pregnant with twins?
No, no, no.
I'm pregnant with your child
and I already have two kids at
home.
Are you okay?
I think I'm actually
having a panic attack.
Deep breaths.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
That really sucks.
Yeah.
I would've been a good one,
huh?
What do you mean, would've
been?
I haven't decided what I'm gonna
do yet.
Oh.
Of course, I don't get a say in
it, right?
No.
Technically you do.
Are you like pro-choice
- or no?
- Yeah.
No, I am pro-choice.
I just, you know,
now that I have my kids,
it just complicates things.
Wow, this is just, I'm sorry.
It's just bringing up
a lot of stuff for me.
I'm guessing you don't have a
healthy relationship with your
parents?
No, I don't have a healthy
relationship with anybody.
Okay, well, I wanted to let
you know.
And I'll be considering all my
options.
No, what do you mean?
You know what I mean.
No, please, be very specific
about.
Either having an abortion
or raising the child myself.
No, don't, don't, don't say
that.
Why?
Because I'm almost
40-years-old
and I don't wanna be a deadbeat
Dad.
Listen, I'm not asking
you to be the Dad.
So...
I really don't like how
this conversation is going.
I don't either.
Hey, listen, I don't
respond well to threats.
It's not a threat!
Did you do this on purpose or?
That is a really really
stupid thing to say.
Well, yeah, I'm damaged.
I'm stupid, I'm fucked
up, I told you that.
I warned you about that.
I mean, I drink too much.
I was drunk!
Yeah.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I was drunk too.
Yeah, well you weren't
as drunk as I was.
Actually, I was wasted.
It was the first time in three
years
I had more than two
glasses of wine at a time.
Oh my God, I don't love you.
I don't love you.
You know what, this is gonna
screw up your entire life.
Know one is gonna wanna be
with a single mother of three.
All right.
You know, I knew you had issues,
but I didn't realize you
were a fucking sociopath!
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said
that
I'm just in shock.
This is terrifying.
Please, please, please, please
let me apologize to you.
Please?
Can we just,
can we just talk about this?
Are you one of those
guys who has to have like,
really expensive pillows?
I am particular, I'm not
fastidious.
You seem to spend a
lot of time on your hair.
Do you always brush your
teeth with your mouth open?
I don't brush my teeth
with my mouth open.
Yeah you do, I remember.
How do you keep the toothpaste
from going everywhere?
That's never really been a
problem.
We really don't know each
other at all.
Wait, is that something you
break up
with someone over?
I don't know, maybe.
I don't think I can be
with someone so arbitrary.
So anal.
What's wrong with anal?
You're also much more
immature than most men.
I am.
And that's why I'd be a really
good playmate with kids.
I don't know.
Maybe,
if we don't try,
we'll never know for sure.
I thought you were
talking me out of this?
Well, I'm an idiot.
I'm 38-years-old, I've
never had a relationship
that's lasted more than six
months.
I just...
I think you should
consider having the baby.
I am considering having the
baby.
I think you should consider
having the baby with me.
I think I can do it.
Oh I gotta go.
Please don't go.
No, I really do.
Kids
get to the house at noon.
We have to go on a real date.
Are you asking me or telling
me?
Abigail, please go out with
me.
Sure, when?
Friday, Saturday night?
Well I have the kids this
weekend,
so I'd have to get a babysitter.
Okay, Friday then.
Okay, great.
And now all we have
to do is fall in love.
Ha!
Okay, they know the drill.
Bed, bath, books.
If they're good, then they can
watch a movie or something.
I got this.
Right.
Have fun, no candy.
Yeah, no.
Of course not.
Bye.
Hey, you got a bike?
Yeah.
You wanna go for a
ride?
Where are we going?
What do you think?
It's beautiful.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Do you come here a
lot?
I come here often.
It's a good
place to hide the bodies.
No.
So, tell me about yourself.
Oh, this is weird.
Yeah, I know.
We gotta do it though, right?
What are you like?
Oh, well,
I have an embryo with your sperm
and my egg inside of me
and I don't know your middle
name.
Jacob.
Rose.
Where'd you grow up?
Maryland.
Are you
close with your family?
Nope.
Do you talk to your Dad?
No.
Do you talk to your Mom?
No.
An aunt?
No.
No family?
Uh-uh.
I'm gonna need a little help
on the family front actually.
I'm sure that you'll
have a lot of good tips.
I am full of good tips.
Yeah, you seem like a really
good Mom.
Thank you.
I'm gonna climb that.
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
Stand back.
You're gonna get arrested.
I plead guilty your
honor!
I led an interesting life!
Made a couple mistakes!
Ah!
I'm going for a swim.
What?
All right, me too.
Yeah?
Thank you.
This is so cool.
Right?
It's really quiet.
It's nice in here.
Yeah.
You're nuts.
Yeah.
I'm not the one having a baby
with a guy I barely know.
That's true.
That is true.
You were really considering
having it?
I haven't decided yet.
Well what do you think you're
gonna do?
I don't know what we're gonna
do.
Well, I really like
floating here with you.
I really like floating here
with you.
Kate.
Hi.
Hi.
How did it go?
Good, good.
Is he here?
Yeah.
He's here.
Could you please?
It's so exciting.
Are you stoned?
Yeah!
That's what I thought.
Okay, we're gonna go upstairs.
Oh, Ben, Ben!
You gotta go.
What?
My kids are gonna be awake
soon.
You have to go.
Can I meet 'em?
No, no, no, you gotta go.
He hit me.
Shit, the kids are
up!
We have to start doing this
- in a more methodical way.
- Mom, Luke hit me!
Okay, okay, we will.
Yes you did!
You know you did!
- Don't lie about it!
- Hold on a sec guys!
I'm just getting
changed!
I just think it'll be great
to meet them before we
get to the hospital.
Shit!
Mom!
- Guys,
- You hit me!
Go to your room
and I will be right there.
Okay, but hurry up!
Ben, you will meet
them.
When?
When it's right.
Well we're
working on a deadline here.
I am not comfortable
introducing
you to my children right now.
I just don't think I
can commit to anything
until I see that they
can commit to me too.
Look, you have until 16
weeks to termination,
- state of New York.
- Jesus!
We'll talk
about this, I promise.
Just not right now.
Right now, I'm gonna
go into their bedroom,
when you hear the door close,
will you please let yourself
out?
Okay.
Quietly.
I love you.
I'm sorry, I don't know what...
But I do.
I meant it.
All right!
Let's go to the Farmer's Market,
I want a donut.
Me too.
Me three.
Luke you get back
here!
Luke!
Mommy.
There's a man in our house.
So, this is Ben,
- and this is Wallace,
- Wallace.
- And Luke.
- Luke.
Cool.
Donut, anyone?
No thanks.
I'm good.
Thank you.
So why don't you tell me
a little about yourselves.
You sound like a talk show
host.
You guys like making paper
planes or
something that I've.
This is one of my favorite
things
when I was a...
What do you guys do in your
spare time?
Stuff.
And what kind of stuff?
Kid stuff.
Wallace loves to dance.
So what kind of dance?
Ballet, modern, and hip-hop.
In fact, isn't it visiting day
soon
at your dance class?
Could I go?
Probably not.
Wallace.
I sure love to dance myself.
You guys like music?
Doesn't everyone?
Not everyone, not everyone
likes music.
The deaf for...
So what kind of music do
girls your age really like?
Good music.
You like girls?
He's seven.
Oh.
Most kids show proclivity at
five or six.
Girls are gross.
That's a shame.
I know a place we could
meet a lot of cute ones.
All right, well,
- that was so fun.
- All right!
- So much fun.
- Great!
- Right?
- So nice to meet you guys.
Thank you for the
donuts.
We should do this again some
time.
Or tomorrow, or the next day,
- or every day, or forever.
- Or never.
- Oh great.
- Wallace.
Great.
Great.
- All right, see ya later!
- Bye Benjamin.
Bye, bye guys!
- So nice to meet you!
- Bye, thanks for the donuts.
So what'd you think?
He was all right.
I hated him.
Yeah, I could tell.
It sounds like
he passed the first test.
Ugh, barely.
Can I ask the obvious
question?
Yeah.
Why are you so opposed to
an...
- An abortion?
- Yeah.
I'm not.
I'm all for it.
So why aren't you considering
it?
I am.
It doesn't seem like you are.
I am.
I wanna
make sure I'm certain
before I go.
Kate!
I'm ferociously pro-choice.
It doesn't seem like you are.
I've had one before.
Early in my marriage to Tim.
We were young, just
starting out our careers,
it wasn't the right time so I
had one
and it was no big deal.
But it's different now that
I've had my kids, you know?
Knowing what I know now,
it's just more complicated.
What do you know now?
Wallace and Luke.
Why are you putting on
mascara?
Wallace, you scared me.
I always wear mascara.
You look like you're
getting ready for a date.
I'm not.
Are you trying to look
pretty for Benjamin?
Wallace.
Wallace and Luke!
Keep your stuff in your...
You guys, you know I already
cleaned the living room.
Please clean up after
yourselves,
this is just...
Unacceptable.
Hey!
Hey.
I'm here for the
jam session.
Huh?
I heard there's a little
boy who could really shred
at 903 Claremont.
I'm okay.
Ben!
Come on in.
Wallace, what are you
playing!
Is this all you do?
Like you just sit, watch them
play,
feed them snacks when they get
hungry?
Yeah, but you also play with
them,
feed them, bath them,
hug them when they're sad.
You know, teach them things.
Morals, values.
I try to nurture their
self-confidence,
foster their interests,
help them to find goals,
get them to activities.
You know, just trying to set an
example
of who they should become.
Oops.
What?
No, nine out of 10, that's not
bad.
You can't be good at everything.
How do you play?
I don't know, make up stories,
funny characters, monster
noises.
They like to be chased.
Show me how you do it.
No.
No, come on, show me.
Ah, monster!
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you too!
- So stupid.
- Mommy!
I could do that.
I could do better than that.
Oh you think so?
Yeah, definitely.
Well I would like to see you
try.
Watch this.
Excuse me, excuse me, I
don't know if you know
that I was part orangutan.
Did you know that?
Did anyone tell you that before?
It's all in the wrist.
All in the wrist.
Like you're throwing a dart,
okay?
One, two, three.
All right, breakfast for
dinner.
Oh wow.
Nothing better.
We get some hot sauce.
Oh hot sauce, that's a good
idea.
Did you know there is a hot
sauce in Peru
that literally puts hair on your
chest.
It's called.
You're been to Peru?
Yeah, I've been to Peru.
I've been to 29 different
countries.
Whoa.
Yeah.
I'll show you my passport later.
It's covered in stamps.
Cool.
Where have you guys been?
We went to Florida on
Spring Break last year.
Oh cool.
Some people refer to Florida
as God's waiting room.
Our grandparents live there.
Oh.
So you guys swim?
Yeah.
What about diving, you ever
been diving?
We went snorkeling last year.
That's pretty cool.
I bet you'd like diving.
I dove this reef outside a
place called Saint Lucia,
where I actually saw sunken
treasure.
And there were like
pirate ships down there,
neon fish, sharks.
Whoa.
I've seen mermaids, I've swum
with some.
I wanna see that.
Yeah?
What about you Wallace, you in?
No thanks, I don't like
sharks.
You probably wouldn't like
surfing either then, right?
That's all right, that's
more waves for me and Lukey.
I'll think about it.
Can you teach me too?
Right now?
Yes.
I could teach
you in like three minutes
if your Mom lets us use the
table.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
Quick impromptu
surf lesson.
Let's do it!
Luke, this is the most important
thing.
If you see a shark, bite it.
Here, hop up here, lie
down facing face down.
Like that.
Wait for your perfect wave.
They come in series of three.
One just came by.
Two just came by.
Here comes number three.
When I say go, you hop up,
you gotta curl your toes under
and you're gonna pop up.
Go!
That's it, that's it.
Sideways, sideways.
Arms out, arms out for balance!
Down, butt out, butt out.
That's perfect.
Yeah.
Is this the architect or the
banker?
No, this is the teacher slash
novelist.
Pay attention.
Oh God, I hear they
have a great dessert here.
So, before we order anything,
can I be so bold to ask,
are you two planning on getting
married?
Maybe, yeah.
When the time is right.
Okay.
- Really?
- If she'll have me.
Wow, sudden.
You know what, I think
that's really beautiful.
I know another couple that
got pregnant accidentally.
I mean suddenly.
It's okay.
Unexpectedly,
and it worked out really well.
I mean, everyone thought it was
gonna be a complete disaster,
but they're still
together five years later
and they got to fall
in love with each other
and their baby at the same time.
That's exactly what we're
gonna do.
What?
Get married?
No, just fall in love.
Oh, you make it sound so
technical.
Well,
look, it's obvious I'm
head over heels for you.
Now I've just gotta make
you fall for me as well.
- Have a great day sweetheart.
- Bye.
You too honey, bye.
Bye.
Mom, get some sleep okay?
Okay.
Excuse me, does
Benjamin Conway live here?
Why?
Well he left some
stuff at my place, I...
How do you know him?
We're friends.
Are you Abigail?
I'm sorry, I...
He left me for you.
Things were going really well
actually,
and then one day he shows up on
my stoop
and tells me he got some girl
pregnant
and he can't see me anymore.
He described you so differently
though.
He said you were a total
train wreck and two kids
and said he wasn't into you at
all.
He said that?
Said he had to give it
a go for the kids sake.
You know?
I told him you can't sacrifice
your life
for someone you're not in love
with.
No, not for someone
you're not in love with.
Yeah, who knows.
Benjamin, right?
He'd say anything to get out of
trouble.
You know what he's like.
Well I don't really,
I don't know that about
him, so I just can't.
Would you make sure he gets
his stuff?
Abigail!
Ab!
His plant.
Bottom lock got
locked.
Your friend dropped by.
Oh yeah, who?
You left some clothes at her
house.
Nothing happened.
I don't know that I believe
you.
I saw the emails.
Look, it's true.
I have been completely faithful
to you
since we made the decision.
I don't know what's true
or what you've made up.
Do you even know how to surf?
Yeah, I know how to surf
Abigail.
- Oh.
- I know how to surf.
Well that's good,
good.
Look, I can't constantly
be on trial here!
Yeah, I'm gonna fail.
Fine, I called her okay,
but I just wanted to get my
jeans back.
I just don't know
if I can trust you Benjamin.
What, so that's it?
Yeah.
Well we just,
you just wanna say goodbye?
Yeah.
Say goodbye.
I don't want to.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Tim I'm sorry.
I didn't get to hug the kids
tonight so,
I just wanna come in.
The kids are asleep Abigail,
okay?
I know, I know.
I'll just, I'll crawl into bed
with them.
I just wanna see them, please?
Please, it's so important for
them.
Important for them or
is it important for you?
Tim.
Wait, I'm not...
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Hey, I wanna apologize to you
and I want you to know that
I really want this.
So badly.
I just have bad habits
of when I feel like I'm
in something permanent
or binding to you know, I act
out,
I go crazy and I come up
with this rat in a cage.
You know, I just wanna destroy
it
like I'm the Hulk.
But I gotta grow up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I wanna learn.
For you.
For us.
I wanna learn for me.
I really miss you guys.
The kids are at Tim's.
I miss you guys.
Thanks.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
- No, no, no.
- What, what, what, what?
Four feet on the
floor.
Come on, this is number seven.
We gotta kiss and makeup, okay.
- It's just kissing, 10 minutes.
- Okay.
No hands,
sit on 'em if you have to.
Just stay seated and no lying
down.
Okay.
I...
Relax, open your mouth.
You're starting to make me
feel really self-conscious.
No hands.
Yeah, hang on to the
zipper all the way up man.
Boom!
It's really tight.
It's supposed to be tight.
You don't breathe.
Can I open my eyes
yet?
- No, wait a little.
- Not yet!
Wait a little.
Guys!
Come on!
Ready?
- Open, open your eyes!
- Uh-huh.
Oh wow!
- I know.
- Right?
It's so great!
- Yeah.
- Get a little lower,
Little lower,
little lower.
Out, out, out.
Come on, let's go.
Stay low, stay low.
You got your balance.
You ready?
You're next.
No!
Where's your wet
suit?
That's okay.
Do you wanna go?
We should put a lot on, right
guys?
You're not joking.
Oh that's good.
Told you.
Oh, you guys know how
to do Friday night, huh?
I had no idea it could be like
this.
What?
Love and
family commitment.
I just...
This is everything I've ever
wanted.
And I wanna honor that.
I really wanna protect that.
Can you guys be quiet?
We're trying to watch a movie.
Sorry.
Hey, would you guys be
okay if I stuck around?
Yes!
If you stopped talking.
Sorry.
Is that the career section?
Yeah, yes.
There ya go.
So I was looking on straight
easy
like 100 times a day.
But it worked.
That's good.
So.
Have you made a decision?
Yeah.
Wow, really?
I am 15 weeks now
and there's no turning back.
I'm gonna keep it.
That's like the legal cutoff?
Actually, technically,
I could wait, but...
Are you sure that you wanna do
this?
Is there a problem?
How far along did you say that
you are?
15 weeks.
So you still have time to
terminate
if you change your mind?
But I'm not going to,
'cause I'm gonna have the baby.
Okay.
Wow.
Well congrats I guess.
Thank you.
I don't understand this.
Is it something about Ben?
Come on, this whole situation
is nuts.
How can you stake your life
on somebody you barely know?
I just,
I really don't understand this.
You're not a judgmental person.
I'm not judging you.
I'm warning you.
You don't know anything about
this man.
He could be an emotional time
bomb.
It's just way too soon to tell.
There is a logical process to
how
people get to know each other.
They meet, they date for a
while,
they move in together.
They get engaged, they live
together,
they see if they still like each
other
after sharing a bathroom.
These are the safeguards that
are in place
to make sure that women
don't get hitched to
psychopaths.
I don't understand
the sudden negativity, okay.
I just...
I'm finally happy and you
need to shit all over it.
Oh honey, I'm not trying
to take that away from you.
I just wanna make sure
that your eyes are open.
Okay, I just hate to say it
but it sounds like jealousy to
me.
Abby I am not jealous.
And you know what, yeah,
I am a little judgmental.
Have you thought about what
this could do to your kids
if it doesn't work out?
I'm doing this for my kids,
okay?
I want my children to see a man
and a woman in a healthy,
happy, loving relationship.
And yeah, yeah, I'm doing it for
me too.
Abby, at least be honest with
yourself.
You are in love with this guy.
You're not doing this for your
kids.
You're making a decision
that changes the rest
of your children's lives
based on somebody you've known
for
like, what, three months or
something?
I think that that is
selfish, it's reckless,
and it's naive.
Yeah, well you don't get to
tell me
how to parent my children,
because you don't have children!
You don't know.
It changes everything.
Everything about you.
Not just your political beliefs.
Oh, no this is about politics?
Well some of us don't use
abortion
as a form of birth control, so.
How dare you.
Don't come crying to me
when this all goes to shit.
I won't.
Coming, coming.
Hi!
Hey, how are you guys!
Hi sweetie!
Hi Dad!
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.
- It's so good.
- Good to see you.
Benjamin, this is
Kate,
Annie, and Rachel.
Hello.
And Ben, this is my Dad Lewis.
Hello.
Hello sir.
Okay...
We have so much food you guys.
Let's go.
You might wanna relax,
it seems like you're
the one who's pregnant.
- Oh they put it there?
- Wait 12?
Can we get 12 here?
- No.
- Wow.
No.
So how long have you known
Abigail?
Several months, right?
But nearly a year.
Months.
Yeah.
It's been a whirlwind romance.
You spent any time around
kids?
In the Peace Corps
actually, during college.
Nieces and nephews?
No, not yet.
Has she told you she's gonna
get fat?
Dad!
What, you tend to gain
weight during pregnancy.
She's gonna get fat.
I mean that beautiful
jawline's gonna disappear.
It's just gonna be ears, neck.
He should know.
You know, she doesn't get plump.
- She gets like big.
- Yes.
It's normal.
Well that's more of her for me
to love.
Sir, I just want you to know
that I intend to do
right by your daughter.
Which means?
If I can still fit her in the
dress.
You didn't say he was funny.
You're funny, you're cute,
right?
He's cute right?
Abigail.
Yeah?
Will you marry me?
Abigail.
I heard you.
I'm just not sure.
If I say yes, how can I say yes?
We barely know each other.
How could I say no, I
already love you so much.
If I say yes, I'll
never know if we married
out of necessity or have love,
and if I say no,
I'll never know if I passed
up the love of my life.
Abigail, you're hugging me
really tight.
It's because I really need a
hug.
Abigail.
Yes.
Yes?
Yes.
Oh my God, I thought
you were gonna say no.
I almost did.
I'm glad you said yes instead.
I'm not prepared.
I don't have a ring or anything.
Do I need to put on a gown
- or take this off?
- No?
- No?
- You're great
Just like that.
Okay good.
Oh.
Yeah, see right there?
His little feet.
Do you wanna listen?
Yeah.
Is that you like, play music
for it or?
Oh, it's your baby's
heartbeat.
What does it sound like?
You should listen.
Okay, see right here?
That's the placenta.
Here you can see his
little hand right there.
You've got an active one.
I get it, I get it.
I got you.
Do you wanna know what
it is?
- Uh-huh.
- No.
No.
I guess we're doing this.
Yeah, yeah I guess so.
Hey.
Hey.
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing's wrong, I'm
tired.
Are you not attracted to me
anymore?
I'm so attracted to you, I am.
I just need to sleep.
Well is it,
is it my body?
Are you afraid about the baby?
It's not your body, it's not
the baby,
please don't make a thing out of
this.
Please.
I'm not, it's just...
It's painful for me that
you don't wanna touch me.
I'm sorry it's painful for
you.
Oh, don't forget about.
What was that?
It's visiting day at
Wallace's dance class.
You told her you wanted to go.
I do, I'll be there.
It's okay if you don't want to
but you just have to
tell me so that I can...
No, I wanna be there.
Okay, four o'clock.
Four o'clock.
Please don't be late.
I won't be.
Wallace and Luke, time to go!
Come on, let's go, let's go!
Bye.
Bye, bye, bye!
My bag.
Oh!
All right.
Terren.
Benjamin.
What are you doing here?
Can I come up?
I actually have somewhere to
be.
I could get a drink though.
All right.
You happy?
No, not always.
You know, I'm not that
happy of a person generally.
I'm working on it though.
You know, those things.
What things?
Well, you know, just
relationships and fidelity.
Being nice, being decent,
being a decent human being.
It's a lot of stuff.
You know all about that.
Yeah, I think I do.
Why did we break up?
Why was that?
I guess I wasn't in love with
you.
Liar.
I should really go.
Yeah.
Let's definitely get one more.
Yeah.
Come on legs!
Swoop!
Good job!
Turn, pose it, hold!
Hold it!
Good job ladies, that was a
beautiful run!
That was so good sweetie,
you looked amazing out there!
Thanks Mom.
Did Benjamin come?
I know that he wanted to,
he must've just gotten
stuck at work honey.
I'm glad he didn't come.
Me too, 'cause it's
more cupcakes for us.
Here we go.
It looks pretty good.
It should be good.
All right.
I wanna wait for Benjamin.
Well, you can hang out
with him after your bath.
Dig in.
I'm not eating til Benjamin
comes.
Well I guess you're not
eating.
Here he is.
Hey guys!
How's it going troops?
I've been trying you for three
hours.
I've been stuck in the subway.
For three hours?
I was stuck at work, and
then I was stuck on the subway.
Well, Wallace did an amazing
job
at dance class today.
Wallace, I had a bad day at
work,
but I am so so sorry.
Sorry for what?
Next time you're gonna be this
late,
I'd appreciate it if you would
text me.
Oh, next time I have a crap
day at work
I'd appreciate it if you
didn't give me shit for it.
You need to eat something.
Have some bread.
Hey Lukey, how was your day?
Pretty good.
Yeah?
Wallace, how 'bout you?
It was pretty uneventful.
Ben, how was your day?
Fine Abigail, how was your
day?
Oh you go first.
You go first.
No.
Tell us.
You go, how was your day?
I said my day was
fine, how was your day?
Luke, please, stop
that!
- No.
- Stop!
I think we all want
to hear what happened to you
today.
Stop, give it.
Wallace, sit back down.
- She won't give it back!
- No!
- Mom, make her stop!
- Wallace.
- Wallace.
- Stop it!
Please sit down
and give the car back to Luke.
- Stop it!
- Give it back!
You guys, can you...
Mom!
Mom!
Stop, stop!
Stop!
Shut the fuck up!
Look, I'm really sorry guys,
but you have to listen
to your Mother, okay?
She told you to stop, she's your
Mom.
"They would stare out
their bedroom window
"long after they should've gone
to sleep,
"watching the drafts glide
across
"their massive darkened field.
"The birds fluttered like ghosts
"in the windows of their gloomy
cage.
"The sea lions were the first to
wake."
You lost your temper with my
kids.
That can never happen again.
Yeah, well your kids are out
of control.
My kids are kids,
that's how they behave when
they're tired and hungry.
Look, I told you I
wasn't ready for this.
I mean, I warned you to...
Maybe you should read
a book or something
because it's a little
late to turn back now.
Okay, maybe I will
and I'll be sure to bookmark the
section
on how to discipline your kids
for you.
Don't you dare blame
this on my children.
The only person acting like
a child tonight, was you.
I have made enormous
sacrifices for you.
I'm completely behind on all my
work,
the commute here...
You walked into a beautiful
family!
One that took years to create!
One that you probably
started yourself by now
if you had any courage or
restraint.
You're unstable Benjamin.
Your moods flip on a dime,
you have a terrible temper,
and you're a scary drunk.
Yeah, well, you're a
boring sober person, okay.
It's like you were pretending
before
to be this like hot, fun,
cheerleader
so you could get the
quarterback to knock you up.
Oh God.
What did I do?
Come on, look.
This is a setback.
No, this isn't a setback.
Let's call this what it is,
it's a fucking disaster!
Yeah, well,
I told you, I didn't sign up for
this.
I told you that the stress
of this sort of thing
is gonna ruin our relationship.
What sort of thing?
Having a kid.
Yeah, three.
Yeah.
- There are three children
- I know!
- Involved.
- And I didn't
Sign up for one!
You act
like you're the only one
who totaled their life!
I guess that's what happened
when strangers get wasted and
screw.
Pack your stuff and go.
Mommy.
I miss Dad.
You ready?
You're next.
- There are three
- I know!
- Children involved!
- And I didn't sign
Up for one!
Will you marry me?
I wanna apologize to you.
Say goodbye
Benjamin.
Promise you'll be there?
I'll be there at seven
o'clock on the dot.
And be in front row?
Okay, I'll get there early
and make sure I'm in the front
row.
Promise.
I adore you.
I adore you.
Love you!
Love you Mom!
So these are sort of the
emotional beats of the book.
This is the visual
realization of the story.
It's all supposed to take place
at night
when they're in their beds.
My water broke I think.
Hurry, let's go.
You guys were so amazing.
Thanks Mom.
- Thanks Mommy.
- Fantastic.
Okay, so listen,
Kate is going to drop
you off at Grandpa's,
and then she's gonna come back
and get you when the baby's
here.
All right?
- Okay.
- Okay Mom.
All right, hugs and
kisses.
Mom.
I love you guys.
I love you.
Your car's outside.
Okay.
I will see you soon.
See you later, wish
me luck.
- Good luck.
- Bye.
You're doing
great, you're doing great!
Oh.
Here, grab my hand.
Ben.
That's good.
Fuck!
Two,
one!
Super girl!
Come on.
She is so cute.
Ready for a walk?
Where do ya think you're going?
You are adorable!
Hi Mommy.
Hi Mom.
Hold on, we've got a poor
connection.
I know, us too.
Okay, we're good now.
Okay, good.
Wanna see a spaceship I built?
This is where they fly the ship.
Uh-huh.
This is where they sleep,
and this is where they
go during meteor showers.
Oh wow, that's so cool!
Can you bring it to school so I
can
see it when I pick you up
tomorrow?
Sure, great.
Wallace, when was the last
time
you brushed that hair?
This morning.
Did you brush your
teeth this morning too?
Yes.
Oh Wallace,
don't hit your brother.
- Come on.
- I didn't, he hit me.
- Did not!
- Okay.
You guys.
Do you wanna see
what I made?
You have such
great new ones there.
Thanks,
which ones do you like?
I can bring them to your house.
I meant our house.
Can I speak
to your Dad real quick?
Yeah, sure.
Dad!
- Hi.
- What's going on?
Hi, how are ya?
Hi, good.
Tim, you forgot his guitar.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the
only
one on top of these things.
- Sorry Abigail, I spaced.
- Okay great.
- It won't happen again.
- So it won't be a problem?
No problem.
- Okay.
- Okay, listen.
Luke and Wally
it's your bath time.
Say goodbye to your Mama...
No!
Say goodbye!
It's your bath time!
So I'll see you guys
tomorrow at pick up right?
Okay.
Love you
Wallace, love you Luke.
Love you Mom!
- Bye!
- Love you!
Hi, Benjamin.
Hi.
So we have a lot in common.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So do you really like to cuddle?
Excuse me?
'Cause I do.
I mean I actually do like to
cuddle,
but I think then some people
just say that
'cause they wanna seem cuddlier.
I mean, a lot of people
really don't like cuddling.
It's like a morbid fear of
physical contact and intimacy.
In general, they just try to
destroy it
like it's a wave that breaks
apart before it crests.
So you surf?
Yeah.
And I'm only ever truly
at peace in the water.
Oh.
I'm kidding, I'm completely
kidding.
I'm not a surfer, no.
I've been a couple times, pretty
fun.
Yeah well, fun is overrated.
It's so overrated.
It kinda does beat staying
at home and weeping though.
You should try it sometime.
Fun?
No, no, surfing.
Oh.
Yeah, maybe I will.
Gosh, I'm a little thrown.
I'm sorry, you're a lot
more beautiful than the...
Okay, wait.
This is you, right?
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
I'm Abigail.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Benjamin.
- Benjamin, that's right.
- Right.
Yeah, my.
That's,
oh that's a long story.
- It's not, my friend did that.
- You didn't.
- Yeah.
- I see.
Well is it
okay if I get a drink?
- Yes, please do.
- With you?
- Please get a drink.
- That's all right?
Yes, and let's start
over.
And then you can fight
things like fracking.
Yeah, I love to fight a
fracker.
Right?
Shit.
Shit!
Oh no.
What?
I know how this is gonna end
already.
Oh.
- Yeah.
- Really?
It's gonna end
badly.
It's gonna end tragically.
Yeah.
It's really sad.
That is sad.
I know, it's unavoidable.
I mean, it's gonna start out so
sweet.
Like unbelievably sweet
love of your life sweet,
for a while, and then
stress from outside forces
we can't predict is gonna
get the better of us.
And then we'll just slowly
devolve
and then suddenly into this
shock
and awe style of war of
attrition.
And then just before we've
completely destroyed each other,
there's gonna be this brief rest
bit of
calm, pure, perfect love.
Then, something from the past
that was set in motion a long
time ago,
some like minor but irreversible
mistake
is gonna get the better of us
and then there's not
gonna be any turning back,
and we'll just devolve
into this horrible like,
one more night please, kind of
sex.
Eventually we'll just get
exhausted by all the drama.
But then, I think in spite of
ourselves
we become really really close
friends
and then of course one of us
dies
before we tie the knot.
I just assumed one of us
would sleep with someone else
and ruin the whole thing.
You mean me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look, we need to.
I know what we need to do.
- What?
- We gotta take precautions.
- Precautions?
- Yeah.
Precautions.
10 things.
10 things we should do before we
break up.
So if it's doomed, why even
bother?
Well, it doesn't have to be
doomed,
this just all depends on
how you feel about it.
Number one.
Okay, get to at least
second base in a taxi
while crossing a bridge.
What are you, 12?
I was testing the waters,
okay...
Okay, number two, read the
Sunday Times
in bed cover to cover.
Cover to cover.
Okay, just the travel section.
We can pick places we wanna go,
and plan trips and never go on
them.
Okay, well then number
three, this is for you.
Learn to surf.
Number four, walk on a
deserted beach.
I think that's a little bit
obvious.
What if we like make out
in an empty swimming pool.
Or actually could we ride on
all the elevated trains in
Brooklyn?
That's oddly specific.
Yeah, it's sort of a buried
memory.
It's the last thing me and
my Dad ever did together.
Oh, that's sad.
Okay, let's move on, number
five.
Scream at each other.
Number six, hold each other
and cry.
Oh! No!
We're breaking up now!
We gotta hurry up!
Number seven, kiss and make up.
And I think we should do like
kissing
for 10 solid minutes.
Okay, number eight,
get married and have a child.
Oh, oh, a child?
Yeah, it...
What if I don't wanna have
kids?
Well then that would
be a deal breaker for me.
Come on, kids are creepy.
Kids are creepy?
Yeah, you know,
they're like intense.
Okay, okay, number nine,
nine, say I'm sorry.
Number 10, say goodbye.
No, no, no!
Come on, let's talk about this.
I can't.
Why not?
'Cause I have to go.
Please don't.
What if I feel strongly about
kids?
You feel strongly about
having kids with me?
No, that's not...
No, I mean, wow, that's really
sexy.
I really have to think about
that.
Come on, I'm not ready to say
goodbye.
But we did all these great
things
and then it fell apart.
Yeah, but the whole point of
the list
is to keep it from falling
apart.
No, no.
You said it was inevitable.
It doesn't have to be
inevitable.
Look, let's get out of here.
Where are we going?
I know this really beautiful
bridge.
Hey.
So what do you wanna do?
Mommy, do you need
some help?
No.
Fuck.
Fucking thing.
Hey.
Hi.
- I'm not late, right?
- Oh no.
It's good to see
you.
It's good to see you.
How are you?
Good, good.
Not great, but...
No?
No, I just, I think I missed
you.
What's new with you?
Nothing much.
Cool.
Yeah.
Are you hungry?
Totally.
So, there
was actually something
I wanted to tell you.
No, I think I
know what you're gonna say.
I can explain...
I'm pregnant.
What?
I'm pregnant and I have two
kids.
You're pregnant with twins?
No, no, no.
I'm pregnant with your child
and I already have two kids at
home.
Are you okay?
I think I'm actually
having a panic attack.
Deep breaths.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
That really sucks.
Yeah.
I would've been a good one,
huh?
What do you mean, would've
been?
I haven't decided what I'm gonna
do yet.
Oh.
Of course, I don't get a say in
it, right?
No.
Technically you do.
Are you like pro-choice
- or no?
- Yeah.
No, I am pro-choice.
I just, you know,
now that I have my kids,
it just complicates things.
Wow, this is just, I'm sorry.
It's just bringing up
a lot of stuff for me.
I'm guessing you don't have a
healthy relationship with your
parents?
No, I don't have a healthy
relationship with anybody.
Okay, well, I wanted to let
you know.
And I'll be considering all my
options.
No, what do you mean?
You know what I mean.
No, please, be very specific
about.
Either having an abortion
or raising the child myself.
No, don't, don't, don't say
that.
Why?
Because I'm almost
40-years-old
and I don't wanna be a deadbeat
Dad.
Listen, I'm not asking
you to be the Dad.
So...
I really don't like how
this conversation is going.
I don't either.
Hey, listen, I don't
respond well to threats.
It's not a threat!
Did you do this on purpose or?
That is a really really
stupid thing to say.
Well, yeah, I'm damaged.
I'm stupid, I'm fucked
up, I told you that.
I warned you about that.
I mean, I drink too much.
I was drunk!
Yeah.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I was drunk too.
Yeah, well you weren't
as drunk as I was.
Actually, I was wasted.
It was the first time in three
years
I had more than two
glasses of wine at a time.
Oh my God, I don't love you.
I don't love you.
You know what, this is gonna
screw up your entire life.
Know one is gonna wanna be
with a single mother of three.
All right.
You know, I knew you had issues,
but I didn't realize you
were a fucking sociopath!
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said
that
I'm just in shock.
This is terrifying.
Please, please, please, please
let me apologize to you.
Please?
Can we just,
can we just talk about this?
Are you one of those
guys who has to have like,
really expensive pillows?
I am particular, I'm not
fastidious.
You seem to spend a
lot of time on your hair.
Do you always brush your
teeth with your mouth open?
I don't brush my teeth
with my mouth open.
Yeah you do, I remember.
How do you keep the toothpaste
from going everywhere?
That's never really been a
problem.
We really don't know each
other at all.
Wait, is that something you
break up
with someone over?
I don't know, maybe.
I don't think I can be
with someone so arbitrary.
So anal.
What's wrong with anal?
You're also much more
immature than most men.
I am.
And that's why I'd be a really
good playmate with kids.
I don't know.
Maybe,
if we don't try,
we'll never know for sure.
I thought you were
talking me out of this?
Well, I'm an idiot.
I'm 38-years-old, I've
never had a relationship
that's lasted more than six
months.
I just...
I think you should
consider having the baby.
I am considering having the
baby.
I think you should consider
having the baby with me.
I think I can do it.
Oh I gotta go.
Please don't go.
No, I really do.
Kids
get to the house at noon.
We have to go on a real date.
Are you asking me or telling
me?
Abigail, please go out with
me.
Sure, when?
Friday, Saturday night?
Well I have the kids this
weekend,
so I'd have to get a babysitter.
Okay, Friday then.
Okay, great.
And now all we have
to do is fall in love.
Ha!
Okay, they know the drill.
Bed, bath, books.
If they're good, then they can
watch a movie or something.
I got this.
Right.
Have fun, no candy.
Yeah, no.
Of course not.
Bye.
Hey, you got a bike?
Yeah.
You wanna go for a
ride?
Where are we going?
What do you think?
It's beautiful.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Do you come here a
lot?
I come here often.
It's a good
place to hide the bodies.
No.
So, tell me about yourself.
Oh, this is weird.
Yeah, I know.
We gotta do it though, right?
What are you like?
Oh, well,
I have an embryo with your sperm
and my egg inside of me
and I don't know your middle
name.
Jacob.
Rose.
Where'd you grow up?
Maryland.
Are you
close with your family?
Nope.
Do you talk to your Dad?
No.
Do you talk to your Mom?
No.
An aunt?
No.
No family?
Uh-uh.
I'm gonna need a little help
on the family front actually.
I'm sure that you'll
have a lot of good tips.
I am full of good tips.
Yeah, you seem like a really
good Mom.
Thank you.
I'm gonna climb that.
What?
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
Stand back.
You're gonna get arrested.
I plead guilty your
honor!
I led an interesting life!
Made a couple mistakes!
Ah!
I'm going for a swim.
What?
All right, me too.
Yeah?
Thank you.
This is so cool.
Right?
It's really quiet.
It's nice in here.
Yeah.
You're nuts.
Yeah.
I'm not the one having a baby
with a guy I barely know.
That's true.
That is true.
You were really considering
having it?
I haven't decided yet.
Well what do you think you're
gonna do?
I don't know what we're gonna
do.
Well, I really like
floating here with you.
I really like floating here
with you.
Kate.
Hi.
Hi.
How did it go?
Good, good.
Is he here?
Yeah.
He's here.
Could you please?
It's so exciting.
Are you stoned?
Yeah!
That's what I thought.
Okay, we're gonna go upstairs.
Oh, Ben, Ben!
You gotta go.
What?
My kids are gonna be awake
soon.
You have to go.
Can I meet 'em?
No, no, no, you gotta go.
He hit me.
Shit, the kids are
up!
We have to start doing this
- in a more methodical way.
- Mom, Luke hit me!
Okay, okay, we will.
Yes you did!
You know you did!
- Don't lie about it!
- Hold on a sec guys!
I'm just getting
changed!
I just think it'll be great
to meet them before we
get to the hospital.
Shit!
Mom!
- Guys,
- You hit me!
Go to your room
and I will be right there.
Okay, but hurry up!
Ben, you will meet
them.
When?
When it's right.
Well we're
working on a deadline here.
I am not comfortable
introducing
you to my children right now.
I just don't think I
can commit to anything
until I see that they
can commit to me too.
Look, you have until 16
weeks to termination,
- state of New York.
- Jesus!
We'll talk
about this, I promise.
Just not right now.
Right now, I'm gonna
go into their bedroom,
when you hear the door close,
will you please let yourself
out?
Okay.
Quietly.
I love you.
I'm sorry, I don't know what...
But I do.
I meant it.
All right!
Let's go to the Farmer's Market,
I want a donut.
Me too.
Me three.
Luke you get back
here!
Luke!
Mommy.
There's a man in our house.
So, this is Ben,
- and this is Wallace,
- Wallace.
- And Luke.
- Luke.
Cool.
Donut, anyone?
No thanks.
I'm good.
Thank you.
So why don't you tell me
a little about yourselves.
You sound like a talk show
host.
You guys like making paper
planes or
something that I've.
This is one of my favorite
things
when I was a...
What do you guys do in your
spare time?
Stuff.
And what kind of stuff?
Kid stuff.
Wallace loves to dance.
So what kind of dance?
Ballet, modern, and hip-hop.
In fact, isn't it visiting day
soon
at your dance class?
Could I go?
Probably not.
Wallace.
I sure love to dance myself.
You guys like music?
Doesn't everyone?
Not everyone, not everyone
likes music.
The deaf for...
So what kind of music do
girls your age really like?
Good music.
You like girls?
He's seven.
Oh.
Most kids show proclivity at
five or six.
Girls are gross.
That's a shame.
I know a place we could
meet a lot of cute ones.
All right, well,
- that was so fun.
- All right!
- So much fun.
- Great!
- Right?
- So nice to meet you guys.
Thank you for the
donuts.
We should do this again some
time.
Or tomorrow, or the next day,
- or every day, or forever.
- Or never.
- Oh great.
- Wallace.
Great.
Great.
- All right, see ya later!
- Bye Benjamin.
Bye, bye guys!
- So nice to meet you!
- Bye, thanks for the donuts.
So what'd you think?
He was all right.
I hated him.
Yeah, I could tell.
It sounds like
he passed the first test.
Ugh, barely.
Can I ask the obvious
question?
Yeah.
Why are you so opposed to
an...
- An abortion?
- Yeah.
I'm not.
I'm all for it.
So why aren't you considering
it?
I am.
It doesn't seem like you are.
I am.
I wanna
make sure I'm certain
before I go.
Kate!
I'm ferociously pro-choice.
It doesn't seem like you are.
I've had one before.
Early in my marriage to Tim.
We were young, just
starting out our careers,
it wasn't the right time so I
had one
and it was no big deal.
But it's different now that
I've had my kids, you know?
Knowing what I know now,
it's just more complicated.
What do you know now?
Wallace and Luke.
Why are you putting on
mascara?
Wallace, you scared me.
I always wear mascara.
You look like you're
getting ready for a date.
I'm not.
Are you trying to look
pretty for Benjamin?
Wallace.
Wallace and Luke!
Keep your stuff in your...
You guys, you know I already
cleaned the living room.
Please clean up after
yourselves,
this is just...
Unacceptable.
Hey!
Hey.
I'm here for the
jam session.
Huh?
I heard there's a little
boy who could really shred
at 903 Claremont.
I'm okay.
Ben!
Come on in.
Wallace, what are you
playing!
Is this all you do?
Like you just sit, watch them
play,
feed them snacks when they get
hungry?
Yeah, but you also play with
them,
feed them, bath them,
hug them when they're sad.
You know, teach them things.
Morals, values.
I try to nurture their
self-confidence,
foster their interests,
help them to find goals,
get them to activities.
You know, just trying to set an
example
of who they should become.
Oops.
What?
No, nine out of 10, that's not
bad.
You can't be good at everything.
How do you play?
I don't know, make up stories,
funny characters, monster
noises.
They like to be chased.
Show me how you do it.
No.
No, come on, show me.
Ah, monster!
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you too!
- So stupid.
- Mommy!
I could do that.
I could do better than that.
Oh you think so?
Yeah, definitely.
Well I would like to see you
try.
Watch this.
Excuse me, excuse me, I
don't know if you know
that I was part orangutan.
Did you know that?
Did anyone tell you that before?
It's all in the wrist.
All in the wrist.
Like you're throwing a dart,
okay?
One, two, three.
All right, breakfast for
dinner.
Oh wow.
Nothing better.
We get some hot sauce.
Oh hot sauce, that's a good
idea.
Did you know there is a hot
sauce in Peru
that literally puts hair on your
chest.
It's called.
You're been to Peru?
Yeah, I've been to Peru.
I've been to 29 different
countries.
Whoa.
Yeah.
I'll show you my passport later.
It's covered in stamps.
Cool.
Where have you guys been?
We went to Florida on
Spring Break last year.
Oh cool.
Some people refer to Florida
as God's waiting room.
Our grandparents live there.
Oh.
So you guys swim?
Yeah.
What about diving, you ever
been diving?
We went snorkeling last year.
That's pretty cool.
I bet you'd like diving.
I dove this reef outside a
place called Saint Lucia,
where I actually saw sunken
treasure.
And there were like
pirate ships down there,
neon fish, sharks.
Whoa.
I've seen mermaids, I've swum
with some.
I wanna see that.
Yeah?
What about you Wallace, you in?
No thanks, I don't like
sharks.
You probably wouldn't like
surfing either then, right?
That's all right, that's
more waves for me and Lukey.
I'll think about it.
Can you teach me too?
Right now?
Yes.
I could teach
you in like three minutes
if your Mom lets us use the
table.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
Quick impromptu
surf lesson.
Let's do it!
Luke, this is the most important
thing.
If you see a shark, bite it.
Here, hop up here, lie
down facing face down.
Like that.
Wait for your perfect wave.
They come in series of three.
One just came by.
Two just came by.
Here comes number three.
When I say go, you hop up,
you gotta curl your toes under
and you're gonna pop up.
Go!
That's it, that's it.
Sideways, sideways.
Arms out, arms out for balance!
Down, butt out, butt out.
That's perfect.
Yeah.
Is this the architect or the
banker?
No, this is the teacher slash
novelist.
Pay attention.
Oh God, I hear they
have a great dessert here.
So, before we order anything,
can I be so bold to ask,
are you two planning on getting
married?
Maybe, yeah.
When the time is right.
Okay.
- Really?
- If she'll have me.
Wow, sudden.
You know what, I think
that's really beautiful.
I know another couple that
got pregnant accidentally.
I mean suddenly.
It's okay.
Unexpectedly,
and it worked out really well.
I mean, everyone thought it was
gonna be a complete disaster,
but they're still
together five years later
and they got to fall
in love with each other
and their baby at the same time.
That's exactly what we're
gonna do.
What?
Get married?
No, just fall in love.
Oh, you make it sound so
technical.
Well,
look, it's obvious I'm
head over heels for you.
Now I've just gotta make
you fall for me as well.
- Have a great day sweetheart.
- Bye.
You too honey, bye.
Bye.
Mom, get some sleep okay?
Okay.
Excuse me, does
Benjamin Conway live here?
Why?
Well he left some
stuff at my place, I...
How do you know him?
We're friends.
Are you Abigail?
I'm sorry, I...
He left me for you.
Things were going really well
actually,
and then one day he shows up on
my stoop
and tells me he got some girl
pregnant
and he can't see me anymore.
He described you so differently
though.
He said you were a total
train wreck and two kids
and said he wasn't into you at
all.
He said that?
Said he had to give it
a go for the kids sake.
You know?
I told him you can't sacrifice
your life
for someone you're not in love
with.
No, not for someone
you're not in love with.
Yeah, who knows.
Benjamin, right?
He'd say anything to get out of
trouble.
You know what he's like.
Well I don't really,
I don't know that about
him, so I just can't.
Would you make sure he gets
his stuff?
Abigail!
Ab!
His plant.
Bottom lock got
locked.
Your friend dropped by.
Oh yeah, who?
You left some clothes at her
house.
Nothing happened.
I don't know that I believe
you.
I saw the emails.
Look, it's true.
I have been completely faithful
to you
since we made the decision.
I don't know what's true
or what you've made up.
Do you even know how to surf?
Yeah, I know how to surf
Abigail.
- Oh.
- I know how to surf.
Well that's good,
good.
Look, I can't constantly
be on trial here!
Yeah, I'm gonna fail.
Fine, I called her okay,
but I just wanted to get my
jeans back.
I just don't know
if I can trust you Benjamin.
What, so that's it?
Yeah.
Well we just,
you just wanna say goodbye?
Yeah.
Say goodbye.
I don't want to.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
Tim I'm sorry.
I didn't get to hug the kids
tonight so,
I just wanna come in.
The kids are asleep Abigail,
okay?
I know, I know.
I'll just, I'll crawl into bed
with them.
I just wanna see them, please?
Please, it's so important for
them.
Important for them or
is it important for you?
Tim.
Wait, I'm not...
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Hey, I wanna apologize to you
and I want you to know that
I really want this.
So badly.
I just have bad habits
of when I feel like I'm
in something permanent
or binding to you know, I act
out,
I go crazy and I come up
with this rat in a cage.
You know, I just wanna destroy
it
like I'm the Hulk.
But I gotta grow up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I wanna learn.
For you.
For us.
I wanna learn for me.
I really miss you guys.
The kids are at Tim's.
I miss you guys.
Thanks.
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
- No, no, no.
- What, what, what, what?
Four feet on the
floor.
Come on, this is number seven.
We gotta kiss and makeup, okay.
- It's just kissing, 10 minutes.
- Okay.
No hands,
sit on 'em if you have to.
Just stay seated and no lying
down.
Okay.
I...
Relax, open your mouth.
You're starting to make me
feel really self-conscious.
No hands.
Yeah, hang on to the
zipper all the way up man.
Boom!
It's really tight.
It's supposed to be tight.
You don't breathe.
Can I open my eyes
yet?
- No, wait a little.
- Not yet!
Wait a little.
Guys!
Come on!
Ready?
- Open, open your eyes!
- Uh-huh.
Oh wow!
- I know.
- Right?
It's so great!
- Yeah.
- Get a little lower,
Little lower,
little lower.
Out, out, out.
Come on, let's go.
Stay low, stay low.
You got your balance.
You ready?
You're next.
No!
Where's your wet
suit?
That's okay.
Do you wanna go?
We should put a lot on, right
guys?
You're not joking.
Oh that's good.
Told you.
Oh, you guys know how
to do Friday night, huh?
I had no idea it could be like
this.
What?
Love and
family commitment.
I just...
This is everything I've ever
wanted.
And I wanna honor that.
I really wanna protect that.
Can you guys be quiet?
We're trying to watch a movie.
Sorry.
Hey, would you guys be
okay if I stuck around?
Yes!
If you stopped talking.
Sorry.
Is that the career section?
Yeah, yes.
There ya go.
So I was looking on straight
easy
like 100 times a day.
But it worked.
That's good.
So.
Have you made a decision?
Yeah.
Wow, really?
I am 15 weeks now
and there's no turning back.
I'm gonna keep it.
That's like the legal cutoff?
Actually, technically,
I could wait, but...
Are you sure that you wanna do
this?
Is there a problem?
How far along did you say that
you are?
15 weeks.
So you still have time to
terminate
if you change your mind?
But I'm not going to,
'cause I'm gonna have the baby.
Okay.
Wow.
Well congrats I guess.
Thank you.
I don't understand this.
Is it something about Ben?
Come on, this whole situation
is nuts.
How can you stake your life
on somebody you barely know?
I just,
I really don't understand this.
You're not a judgmental person.
I'm not judging you.
I'm warning you.
You don't know anything about
this man.
He could be an emotional time
bomb.
It's just way too soon to tell.
There is a logical process to
how
people get to know each other.
They meet, they date for a
while,
they move in together.
They get engaged, they live
together,
they see if they still like each
other
after sharing a bathroom.
These are the safeguards that
are in place
to make sure that women
don't get hitched to
psychopaths.
I don't understand
the sudden negativity, okay.
I just...
I'm finally happy and you
need to shit all over it.
Oh honey, I'm not trying
to take that away from you.
I just wanna make sure
that your eyes are open.
Okay, I just hate to say it
but it sounds like jealousy to
me.
Abby I am not jealous.
And you know what, yeah,
I am a little judgmental.
Have you thought about what
this could do to your kids
if it doesn't work out?
I'm doing this for my kids,
okay?
I want my children to see a man
and a woman in a healthy,
happy, loving relationship.
And yeah, yeah, I'm doing it for
me too.
Abby, at least be honest with
yourself.
You are in love with this guy.
You're not doing this for your
kids.
You're making a decision
that changes the rest
of your children's lives
based on somebody you've known
for
like, what, three months or
something?
I think that that is
selfish, it's reckless,
and it's naive.
Yeah, well you don't get to
tell me
how to parent my children,
because you don't have children!
You don't know.
It changes everything.
Everything about you.
Not just your political beliefs.
Oh, no this is about politics?
Well some of us don't use
abortion
as a form of birth control, so.
How dare you.
Don't come crying to me
when this all goes to shit.
I won't.
Coming, coming.
Hi!
Hey, how are you guys!
Hi sweetie!
Hi Dad!
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.
- It's so good.
- Good to see you.
Benjamin, this is
Kate,
Annie, and Rachel.
Hello.
And Ben, this is my Dad Lewis.
Hello.
Hello sir.
Okay...
We have so much food you guys.
Let's go.
You might wanna relax,
it seems like you're
the one who's pregnant.
- Oh they put it there?
- Wait 12?
Can we get 12 here?
- No.
- Wow.
No.
So how long have you known
Abigail?
Several months, right?
But nearly a year.
Months.
Yeah.
It's been a whirlwind romance.
You spent any time around
kids?
In the Peace Corps
actually, during college.
Nieces and nephews?
No, not yet.
Has she told you she's gonna
get fat?
Dad!
What, you tend to gain
weight during pregnancy.
She's gonna get fat.
I mean that beautiful
jawline's gonna disappear.
It's just gonna be ears, neck.
He should know.
You know, she doesn't get plump.
- She gets like big.
- Yes.
It's normal.
Well that's more of her for me
to love.
Sir, I just want you to know
that I intend to do
right by your daughter.
Which means?
If I can still fit her in the
dress.
You didn't say he was funny.
You're funny, you're cute,
right?
He's cute right?
Abigail.
Yeah?
Will you marry me?
Abigail.
I heard you.
I'm just not sure.
If I say yes, how can I say yes?
We barely know each other.
How could I say no, I
already love you so much.
If I say yes, I'll
never know if we married
out of necessity or have love,
and if I say no,
I'll never know if I passed
up the love of my life.
Abigail, you're hugging me
really tight.
It's because I really need a
hug.
Abigail.
Yes.
Yes?
Yes.
Oh my God, I thought
you were gonna say no.
I almost did.
I'm glad you said yes instead.
I'm not prepared.
I don't have a ring or anything.
Do I need to put on a gown
- or take this off?
- No?
- No?
- You're great
Just like that.
Okay good.
Oh.
Yeah, see right there?
His little feet.
Do you wanna listen?
Yeah.
Is that you like, play music
for it or?
Oh, it's your baby's
heartbeat.
What does it sound like?
You should listen.
Okay, see right here?
That's the placenta.
Here you can see his
little hand right there.
You've got an active one.
I get it, I get it.
I got you.
Do you wanna know what
it is?
- Uh-huh.
- No.
No.
I guess we're doing this.
Yeah, yeah I guess so.
Hey.
Hey.
What's wrong?
Nothing, nothing's wrong, I'm
tired.
Are you not attracted to me
anymore?
I'm so attracted to you, I am.
I just need to sleep.
Well is it,
is it my body?
Are you afraid about the baby?
It's not your body, it's not
the baby,
please don't make a thing out of
this.
Please.
I'm not, it's just...
It's painful for me that
you don't wanna touch me.
I'm sorry it's painful for
you.
Oh, don't forget about.
What was that?
It's visiting day at
Wallace's dance class.
You told her you wanted to go.
I do, I'll be there.
It's okay if you don't want to
but you just have to
tell me so that I can...
No, I wanna be there.
Okay, four o'clock.
Four o'clock.
Please don't be late.
I won't be.
Wallace and Luke, time to go!
Come on, let's go, let's go!
Bye.
Bye, bye, bye!
My bag.
Oh!
All right.
Terren.
Benjamin.
What are you doing here?
Can I come up?
I actually have somewhere to
be.
I could get a drink though.
All right.
You happy?
No, not always.
You know, I'm not that
happy of a person generally.
I'm working on it though.
You know, those things.
What things?
Well, you know, just
relationships and fidelity.
Being nice, being decent,
being a decent human being.
It's a lot of stuff.
You know all about that.
Yeah, I think I do.
Why did we break up?
Why was that?
I guess I wasn't in love with
you.
Liar.
I should really go.
Yeah.
Let's definitely get one more.
Yeah.
Come on legs!
Swoop!
Good job!
Turn, pose it, hold!
Hold it!
Good job ladies, that was a
beautiful run!
That was so good sweetie,
you looked amazing out there!
Thanks Mom.
Did Benjamin come?
I know that he wanted to,
he must've just gotten
stuck at work honey.
I'm glad he didn't come.
Me too, 'cause it's
more cupcakes for us.
Here we go.
It looks pretty good.
It should be good.
All right.
I wanna wait for Benjamin.
Well, you can hang out
with him after your bath.
Dig in.
I'm not eating til Benjamin
comes.
Well I guess you're not
eating.
Here he is.
Hey guys!
How's it going troops?
I've been trying you for three
hours.
I've been stuck in the subway.
For three hours?
I was stuck at work, and
then I was stuck on the subway.
Well, Wallace did an amazing
job
at dance class today.
Wallace, I had a bad day at
work,
but I am so so sorry.
Sorry for what?
Next time you're gonna be this
late,
I'd appreciate it if you would
text me.
Oh, next time I have a crap
day at work
I'd appreciate it if you
didn't give me shit for it.
You need to eat something.
Have some bread.
Hey Lukey, how was your day?
Pretty good.
Yeah?
Wallace, how 'bout you?
It was pretty uneventful.
Ben, how was your day?
Fine Abigail, how was your
day?
Oh you go first.
You go first.
No.
Tell us.
You go, how was your day?
I said my day was
fine, how was your day?
Luke, please, stop
that!
- No.
- Stop!
I think we all want
to hear what happened to you
today.
Stop, give it.
Wallace, sit back down.
- She won't give it back!
- No!
- Mom, make her stop!
- Wallace.
- Wallace.
- Stop it!
Please sit down
and give the car back to Luke.
- Stop it!
- Give it back!
You guys, can you...
Mom!
Mom!
Stop, stop!
Stop!
Shut the fuck up!
Look, I'm really sorry guys,
but you have to listen
to your Mother, okay?
She told you to stop, she's your
Mom.
"They would stare out
their bedroom window
"long after they should've gone
to sleep,
"watching the drafts glide
across
"their massive darkened field.
"The birds fluttered like ghosts
"in the windows of their gloomy
cage.
"The sea lions were the first to
wake."
You lost your temper with my
kids.
That can never happen again.
Yeah, well your kids are out
of control.
My kids are kids,
that's how they behave when
they're tired and hungry.
Look, I told you I
wasn't ready for this.
I mean, I warned you to...
Maybe you should read
a book or something
because it's a little
late to turn back now.
Okay, maybe I will
and I'll be sure to bookmark the
section
on how to discipline your kids
for you.
Don't you dare blame
this on my children.
The only person acting like
a child tonight, was you.
I have made enormous
sacrifices for you.
I'm completely behind on all my
work,
the commute here...
You walked into a beautiful
family!
One that took years to create!
One that you probably
started yourself by now
if you had any courage or
restraint.
You're unstable Benjamin.
Your moods flip on a dime,
you have a terrible temper,
and you're a scary drunk.
Yeah, well, you're a
boring sober person, okay.
It's like you were pretending
before
to be this like hot, fun,
cheerleader
so you could get the
quarterback to knock you up.
Oh God.
What did I do?
Come on, look.
This is a setback.
No, this isn't a setback.
Let's call this what it is,
it's a fucking disaster!
Yeah, well,
I told you, I didn't sign up for
this.
I told you that the stress
of this sort of thing
is gonna ruin our relationship.
What sort of thing?
Having a kid.
Yeah, three.
Yeah.
- There are three children
- I know!
- Involved.
- And I didn't
Sign up for one!
You act
like you're the only one
who totaled their life!
I guess that's what happened
when strangers get wasted and
screw.
Pack your stuff and go.
Mommy.
I miss Dad.
You ready?
You're next.
- There are three
- I know!
- Children involved!
- And I didn't sign
Up for one!
Will you marry me?
I wanna apologize to you.
Say goodbye
Benjamin.
Promise you'll be there?
I'll be there at seven
o'clock on the dot.
And be in front row?
Okay, I'll get there early
and make sure I'm in the front
row.
Promise.
I adore you.
I adore you.
Love you!
Love you Mom!
So these are sort of the
emotional beats of the book.
This is the visual
realization of the story.
It's all supposed to take place
at night
when they're in their beds.
My water broke I think.
Hurry, let's go.
You guys were so amazing.
Thanks Mom.
- Thanks Mommy.
- Fantastic.
Okay, so listen,
Kate is going to drop
you off at Grandpa's,
and then she's gonna come back
and get you when the baby's
here.
All right?
- Okay.
- Okay Mom.
All right, hugs and
kisses.
Mom.
I love you guys.
I love you.
Your car's outside.
Okay.
I will see you soon.
See you later, wish
me luck.
- Good luck.
- Bye.
You're doing
great, you're doing great!
Oh.
Here, grab my hand.
Ben.
That's good.
Fuck!
Two,
one!
Super girl!
Come on.
She is so cute.
Ready for a walk?
Where do ya think you're going?
You are adorable!