42 Seconds Of Happiness (2016) Movie Script

1
(Siren wailing)
(Helicopter blades whir)
(Muffled news announcements)
(Seagull crying)
Honestly, there's only so much
fucking ground where it could be.
Why are we not finding this?
If I was a ring, where would I go?
(Laughter)
[Cybil] Oh, now look what you did!
Aw, shit. Stay there, just, just...
No, I'm not staying there.
I don't want you to get hurt, all right?
Just shh.
You're such a klutz, do you know that?
You're the one who broke the fucking bottle.
As long as the bride doesn't cut herself
on her wedding day, right?
I ain't the bride.
Oh, you ain't the bride?
Uh-uh.
[Ben] I always wondered that.
You're the groom?
Should be right here on the top.
Yeah, yeah, I'm aware.
And we shouldn't have to dig.
I'm aware, yeah, yeah.
I'm just gonna start pulling up grass. I mean...
Yeah. Yeah, sure. You should do that. Yeah.
God damn it.
Oh! Haha!
(Cheering)
Hey!
I do, I do!
I do! I do!
Oh.
[Felice] Let's go.
[Ike] Let's go to that wedding.
Stop it.
You can't handle that.
You can't handle that.
I can't handle that?
Don't start what you can't handle,
don't start what you can't handle.
I'm not fucking around. Don't start...
Well, look, we could use the throwing of the beer.
Don't start what you can't finish.
(Laughter)
I'm mature.
I'm getting married.
Yeah, you are mature.
I can tell.
[Cybil] I'm fucking a grown-up.
Yeah, you are.
You're getting married.
What's your fiance gonna say about all this?
Just gonna say, "What did Ben do now?"
Of course she is.
And who else is gonna be there?
I mean, with this hurricane that's supposed to happen?
How many people are even gonna be at this wedding?
How is Alis even, why is Alis even being there?
I mean, Tomas, yeah.
Tomas will be there, because it's his sister.
Why, does Alis really think she's gonna go,
and Tomas not be there?
God, it's like when they first broke up.
I don't want that fucking crap to just infest us.
It's gonna be okay.
[Ben] Yes, yes ma'am.
- Yes.
- Yes ma'am.
It's gonna be okay.
Yes sir.
[Cybil] I don't know how to do it with the um,
the thumbs on the seams, right?
You wouldn't last a day in boot camp.
[Cybil] Thumbs on the seams.
You wouldn't last a day in boot camp.
[Cybil] Why, what would happen?
- What would happen?
- Maria? Cybil?
Hey, where are you guys?
Hey, we're here!
The door's open, oh, hey!
And you're where?
- Oh, hey.
- Hi!
Sorry, we had a little breakage.
Hey, good to see you!
[Vineke] You are not gonna believe this.
Look, that idiot of a cab driver?
He took the wrong exit.
Man, don't you hate when people ma'am you?
I mean, they're like, "Just be quiet, ma'am.
"I can guarantee you I know where I'm going."
Fucking like Hell he knew where he was going.
He drove around in a circle for at least an hour,
and of course, I did not pay for that,
so when we got here, he got all pissed off and upset.
He threw my bags out and then he drove away.
Well, where are they?
They're on the curb.
I couldn't carry that bag.
I brought in my hanging bag.
(Knocking)
Hi.
This is Ben.
This is Ben!
I'm Vineke. Nice to meet you, no.
Oh, hi, we've met before.
We've met before?
I will get the bags.
We have our own situation.
I don't get why we have to take on other peoples'.
I mean, they're our friends, yeah, but.
I'm not frustrated at you.
I'm just...
I just don't, I just don't want,
I just don't want this to become this, that's all.
Oh, you mean this to become this?
Yeah.
Or this, like us, to become that?
This isn't gonna happen to us.
Hey, hey.
What?
[Cybil] This is not gonna happen to us.
[Maria] We're not gonna be like that.
We're not.
Do you mean that, or are you just...
[Maria] Can you help me?
Okay.
[Maria] Oh, now we need to get one more chair in there.
Cybil, is this stupid?
No, I think it's sweet.
I think you're very sweet.
You're thinking about this more
than you are thinking about the wedding.
[Maria] Which is fine, but are you mad at me?
I mean...
No, I'm not mad.
You might be stressing yourself out a little bit.
[Maria] No.
[Cybil] But that's very nice.
All right.
I love you.
(Lawnmower revving)
[Voiceover] Turn right onto Alex Drive.
What's the house number?
[Felice] Um, 11.
Wow.
Talk about the suburbs.
[Voiceover] The destination, 11 Alex Drive,
is on your left.
No. Is that...
Hey, buddy.
Buddy!
Hey, Ben.
Are we in the right place?
This, right? The wedding?
Right, I guess it is.
The wedding, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Thanks.
[Felice] Hm. Yeah, thanks. Why are you here?
What the fuck is this?
[Felice] Oh, now we're staying.
We're staying to figure that out,
that's what.
That's why we're staying.
Leaving was an option? I didn't realize that.
[Felice] Yeah, no. It wasn't.
All right.
Get ready, here we fucking go.
Again?
Was an hour ago, you just called.
You need a hand?
Hi, Tracy.
Yeah, you told me you'd check me in
yesterday, right?
(Bottles clink)
[Ike] Hello?
Maria?
(Wind chimes jingle)
[Cybil] Do you want some wine?
Oh, please. I would love some wine.
Hi.
Hi.
Come here, you.
Oh my god, you look amazing.
How did you lose all that weight?
Oh my god, in like, less than three months.
She doesn't eat.
Hello, Ike.
(Felice mumbles)
She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep.
She doesn't do anything she used to.
I have a baby.
I don't have time to eat and sleep over babies.
You don't eat, you don't sleep when you have a baby.
Yeah.
I mean it, I'm just...
I'm just freaking out because it's
the first time with him alone,
and I'm not breastfeeding,
because I got an infection,
and I feel guilty because I'm not breastfeeding, but...
[Maria] Let's get started, okay?
[Cybil] Okay.
[Maria] Who wants to get started?
It's just three days.
You can rest and eat and get some sleep through the night.
Look, three days absent, peace, you deserve it.
[Maria] All right, can we get going please?
Yeah, can we get going please?
Uh, oh.
Look at these cute little place-cards.
Oh my gosh.
Hey, lady.
Hey. How are you?
Good, how are you?
Miss gonna-get-married?
[Vineke] Oh my gosh.
When is everybody, when is everyone else arriving?
Well, Tomas is coming tonight.
Yes, what I want to do is have you and Felice
sit opposite each other,
so that you're with Alis, and you're with Tomas,
so that they each feel like they have a friend with them.
Okay?
Um, I'm not really sure Tomas
will think of me as a friend at the moment,
but I will, I will, yeah.
Team Tomas.
For the alliteration.
You know, it's not even a hurricane yet.
I mean, really, they overreact.
Would you like some wine, darling?
[Felice] Yes, thank you.
Does everyone have, where's your wine?
Okay, you guys are in blue,
and you guys are in orange.
Did you guys, like, plan this?
[All] Cheers.
All right, who would like to start?
Well, I googled intervention letters.
So we could get it right.
No, you're supposed to write it.
Wait a minute, I thought we were,
I thought we shouldn't say it in our own voice.
[Ike] In writing? Okay, sure.
It's like a homework assignment.
Let's do this.
When did you write a letter?
Right. Right.
Um, okay.
"Dear Alis and Tomas,
"I'm here today because I love and care about you.
"I think you're doing the right thing,
"and that you're both entitled to your personal plans."
Are they doing the right thing?
I mean, what exactly are they doing?
Obviously, they weren't too good together,
so yeah, sure.
Oh, so being apart is the right thing.
What, did Google say that?
[Maria] Cybil.
Sorry.
"Alis, I remember when we first met.
"We were both spending another all-nighter
"in the campus library.
"I will never forget our marathon margaritas
"we had in the morning, when we finally
"handed in our papers.
"We couldn't stop laughing,
"you told me I have the most beautiful laughter
"you've ever heard, and I should never ever
"stop laughing again.
"You were the first to meet someone
"you could imagine having that family with,
"the first to give birth to a beautiful baby girl
"and the first to get a real job.
"You are now also the first to change your life.
"People think being a good mother
"means you have to be there all the time,
"or be perfect, but really,
"a mother needs to just be happy.
"Tomas, I know it is hard to be..."
You know, I don't really know what to say to Tomas.
I'm sorry, I know he's your brother,
and you love him, I just...
[Ike] We weren't judging or taking sides, I thought.
Yeah, and I think your love is beautiful.
Cybil just stays right there, and judges everyone.
I want to be Cybil.
[Cybil] That's because he doesn't have a letter.
[Ike] Where's yours?
Cybil.
Wait, are you talking shared custody?
Well...
Okay. I don't think Tomas or Alis wants shared custody.
[Ike] I think we should hear Cybil's letter.
Right.
Cybil doesn't have the letter,
Cybil doesn't have a place card.
"Dear Alis and Tomas..."
Cybil has a place card if she wants one.
"We have known each other for the past ten years.
"You introduced me to my husband,
"and now, I wish you hadn't.
"I know you think you are in
"the worst possible situation imaginable, but you are not.
"I wish I was in your situation."
[Woman] I'm so sorry.
[Vineke] "Fighting with Peter
"about who will spend more time with our own son.
"This is why I want you to stop fighting.
"You wish that what you feared most
"was what you were dealing with.
"Because there's something worse
"that you could have never imagined."
(Pans rattling)
Oh my God, would you just fucking grow up?
I'm so sick of you all.
[Ike] That's about right.
[Felice] I'm gonna, I'm gonna go.
Didn't she say no anger?
I'll do it.
Go ahead, drink your wine, I'll be back.
Finds a way to make it about her.
[Cybil] I'm sorry, I'm the asshole.
I'll fix it.
No, you're not.
It's stressful, it's stressful.
[Cybil] I'm being an asshole.
I'm sorry.
She's like an open wound, all the goddamn time.
[Maria] All right, she thinks Peter left her
because of Alis leaving Tom,
just give her a break.
[Ike] We need to move on to the happy stuff.
[Maria] Wine?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wine.
And I'll write something.
[Tomas] Start celebrating without me?
Hi.
(Cheering)
Wow, you're earlier than I thought you were gonna be.
I'm so glad to see you.
Here, I'm coming up.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
It's gonna be great.
[All] Hi.
[Tomas] Hi.
Hey.
Good to see you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Hey, how's it going?
Good, how are you?
All right.
[Ike] Man.
Hey, buddy.
Stranger.
Yeah.
How are ya?
Come on, it's my sister's wedding, huh?
I'm not gonna hold any grudges.
Good to see you too.
So, how do I get one of those?
[Cybil] Yeah, you want some wine?
You want some wine?
You like red wine?
Red's good.
As long as it keeps flowing.
Have some wine, you sad sack you.
A woman after my own heart, hi.
Good to see ya.
Just make sure you make eye contact.
Make eye contact.
Yes, eye contact, eye contact.
Eye contact, eye contact.
Got it.
Why is that important?
Uh, bad luck, I think, if you don't.
You have bad sex for seven years if you don't.
Don't tell.
Don't tell Maria anything else about bad luck.
(Mumbles) Hello, how are you?
[Tomas] Well, you guys did get a jump start on me,
didn't you?
Yeah, exactly.
How have you been?
You a stranger now?
Oh, good, good.
Yep.
Everything's good.
I wouldn't mind lying down for a minute.
- Oh!
- Oh, I'll help you.
I'll show you around.
We're such terrible hosts.
No, no, no.
It's all good.
Save that, don't let anyone touch that.
I'm good, I'm good.
Did you bring enough?
Jesus.
God damn it.
[Cybil] I don't care. He's a dick.
Hey.
That's why I can't write a letter.
Cause I'll be like, I'll just rip his face off.
You're a dick!
Cybil, if I'd known you had this side to you,
we would have talked sooner.
It's totally not a judgy thing.
I mean, how could you not judge that?
Maria is the only one who is...
Not judging his bullshit.
Non-biased, just, it should just be her.
I know, but she said it won't work if it's just her.
Oh yeah, because it's totally gonna work.
It's like, combined power, like Captain Planet.
Because, you know, Fel can hide anything.
You know, Fel is feeling something, she can bury it,
and keep it away.
No.
Woah. I'm stepping...
That's a beautiful thing!
That's a beautiful thing!
That's a, I love that about you, honey.
[Cybil] Are you guys happy?
Yes, very happy.
You son of a...
Like, you're my only example of a happy couple.
Otherwise, if you guys aren't happy, we're all fucked,
so just keep that in mind.
- Happy is a...
- No pressure.
It's a relative term.
No, don't start that sentence.
Don't start that.
[Ike] No, it is a relative term.
[Felice] No, yeah, you gotta find your own.
[Ike] Marriage isn't about happiness.
Marriage is about...
Oh, great.
[Ike] I mean, it's not...
Why don't you write that speech for my wedding?
[Maria] It was Cybil's old room.
Wow.
You seem nervous.
It's coming, the big day.
It's coming, it's coming.
I have to tell you something.
Alis is coming.
What?
The family is not together anymore.
So you're taking all these broken, scattered pieces,
and you're throwing them together.
Why did you think it was a good idea
to be throwing all these broken pieces together, huh?
It was a bad idea.
[Maria] But it's already been done.
She's already coming,
she's already said she's coming, so...
When is she coming?
I have an hour to meet my ex-wife.
Fuck, Maria!
What are you doing to me?
[Maria] I'm sorry.
I don't even want to stay, Maria.
I'm not gonna do anything today.
It's your big event,
I'm not gonna do anything that's gonna upset the apple cart,
I just...
[Maria] I want the whole family together.
If it's gonna be okay.
Do you really think this makes sense?
You know she's not your family anymore.
Past tense, over.
Used to be your sister-in-law,
she's not anymore.
[Maria] She's always, always, always, gonna be Sam's mom.
Well, we'll see about that.
[Maria] Tomas?
An hour.
I love you.
I'm so glad you're here.
All right, well.
I guess she's already invited, right?
(Slamming drawers)
Fuck.
Hey, Tracy, it's Felice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How's Logan doing?
Okay, good, yeah.
Good.
Did you mark it on the chart?
Good.
Yeah, no, just as long as I can see it when I get back,
that's good.
Can I talk to Nina before she...
Hi, honey.
Hey, muffin.
Yeah.
Yes.
And did you show her your dinos?
Good.
Very good.
I love you, baby.
'Kay.
Sweet dreams.
[Tomas] This is the dinner party we were waiting for.
[Ike] Clean, clean, clean.
[Tomas] Uh, you need more wine, miss,
and oh, is it rude if I pour it for myself first?
(Muffled chatter)
Who is Ben?
What is she doing?
Come and join with us.
Ben, Ben. Come on, Ben.
Come on, don't be a douche.
Oh, yes, Ben.
There he is.
Hey, Ben, why don't you take my seat, buddy?
Yay, now the party can start.
Ben is here.
Plates. Tomas needs a plate.
Don't let this escape you, sir.
Ben, I hate to see a growing boy with an empty plate.
[Ike] So what is the deal with this hurricane?
[Maria] Yes, what is the deal with this hurricane?
Who knows?
I haven't been watching, I haven't been paying attention.
Out of sight, out of mind, is what I say.
[Felice] Toast, to the happy couple!
[All] To the happy couple!
(Cheering)
Eye contact, eye contact. Eye contact.
To great times, everyone.
May they get even better and better and better, and better.
Eye contact.
[Ike] You don't want to be the cause
of your sibling having seven years of bad sex.
(Tomas imitates horror movie bassline)
You look great.
The food is delicious.
The things we tell ourselves.
[Tomas] Yeah, the things we do tell ourselves, right?
Is this sign language going on?
What's going on between you?
Oh, she just has something in her teeth,
and I was just trying to discreetly point it out to her.
(Laughter)
Nothing discreet at this table.
[Maria] Thank you, Ben.
[Tomas] Let's all thank Ben.
[Ike] Why are we thanking Ben?
I hope to thank Ben for something.
[Ike] That is not the wine going to her cheeks.
That is all her.
No, no.
You might be.
[Woman] Go for it, Vin. There you go.
This is delicious.
We're on the post-baby weight cleanse.
No cooking, no like, refined sugars in the apartment.
We're doing it together.
Trying to keep, trying to get that figure back, huh?
I tell, I tell her she looks great,
but she's intent on getting back.
We are on it together.
[Tomas] Come on, we all know.
Everyone, you want to get back to the...
[Ike] All right, all right, sir.
[Tomas] What, what, what?
Why are you picking on her?
We're all friends, right?
Right, we're all friends?
[Vineke] Well, we did cheer us extensively.
We clinked a lot in the aisle.
It was Cybil, a Cybil sex question.
[Cybil] When I'm drunk enough.
Well, keep going, sweetheart. We're here.
[Cybil] I don't drink.
My sister would never pick someone who didn't drink.
Woah.
Are you saying I have to be drunk to be with her?
Is that what you're saying?
No, no, I would never say that to my sister.
She's not trying to have sex with me.
None of your business.
Come on.
You're not afraid of sex, right?
[Ike] That's sweet.
That is sweet.
Really, really, I'm not talking to my brother about this.
Okay, okay, how long, how long have...
I hope they have something very short for you.
How long has it been since the last time?
Come on.
Come on. What?
We're all friends here.
Come on.
Okay, I'll start.
I'll start, I'll start, I'll start, I'll start.
[Cybil] I don't really know...
Alis and I hadn't had sex for two years.
Beat it.
[Ike] Okay, um, that's not that bad, man.
What?
This is so inappropriate.
[Tomas] Oh, so inappropriate, Vineke,
[Ike] No, you know what's, what's inappropriate,
because, Vineke thinks that's inappropriate.
Two fucking years, come on, beat it.
Could I not know this about my brother?
Your turn.
Okay, Tomas.
When did Peter leave?
[Cybil] We were doing so well, you guys.
Two fucking years, okay?
That was my answer, so...
Two not-fucking years, right?
Two not-fucking years.
Anyway.
It's like, didn't anyone ever give you one of those books
where it's like...
[Cybil] How to have a successful dinner party?
Ask massively awkward questions, drink a lot of wine,
and make damn sure there is spaghetti on the table.
It was massive in its import.
[Cybil] Obviously, you have not read those books.
[Ike] Tomas, I will field this one.
Don't worry.
Ben, can I ask you a question?
(Muffled speech)
(Wind chimes jingle)
- Yes, that's, no.
- [Woman] Oh my god.
[Ike] No, seriously though.
[Cybil] Seriously, enough.
What? He can answer.
Ben's a big boy.
Stop with the lockdown here, okay?
Relax.
[Woman] You're kind of a bully.
[Tomas] No, I've never known anybody who killed anybody,
and I just wanted to know what happened.
Yeah, well, I'm about to kill you, okay?
I just was asking a question!
It's not a rude question,
I just want to know.
[Ike] It's kind of a...
[Maria] It was a rude question.
- [Ike] I mean.
- [Tomas] Come on, Maria.
Don't, Ben can answer it.
He's a big boy.
[Maria] He shouldn't have to.
[Ben] Why do you wanna know?
What?
[Ben] Why do you wanna know?
[Tomas] I wanted to know what that's like.
[Ben] You want to know what it feels like.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, brother.
'Kay.
Why don't you go enlist yourself and find out?
[Maria] There you go.
[Ike] Point taken, see?
Thank you very much for answering my question.
[Ike] It's all downhill from here, right?
[Cybil] Ease on down the aisle.
Well, we're getting there, either way.
That's good.
[Woman] Good idea.
Why don't you go fucking enlist yourself?
Try to sleep, all right?
I'm getting a lot of,
- a lot of static.
- [Ike] A lot of static.
[Tomas] What's wrong?
[Maria] Take it down a notch, Tomas.
Just, it's a party.
This is the party before the party, right?
Come on, come on, my sister, come on.
You're getting married! Celebrate!
Yeah, I'm trying,
but every time I turn around you're insulting!
I'm not, I'm not insulting.
We're all friends here.
[Maria] You insulted how I grew up,
you were insulting sex,
you're insulting, I don't know.
You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be fine.
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
I don't need any more.
I don't need any more.
Tomas, I don't need any more wine. Thank you.
[Woman] Irresponsible kind of a man.
I will have a talk with him.
Did you get finished with everything you need to do,
Ben, or are we keeping you?
What?
Aw, Vineke. Was it something I said?
Yeah, probably.
Vineke's a big girl.
Ooh, ooh, oh.
Oh, wow.
It was worth it.
No, if you had heard what she said,
it was totally worth it.
[Maria] Stop insulting my friend, all right?
[Tomas] All right, I'm sorry.
Let's talk about your wedding, right?
Big day coming, right?
Are you excited?
[Ike] Anyone would like some more red wine?
[Tomas] I would love some more red wine, thank you.
[Maria] I don't think he needs any more red wine.
[Ben] I'll take some.
[Tomas] I am a big boy, right?
[Maria] Yeah, we just saw.
[Tomas] We got it.
[Ike] Thanks a bunch, Ben.
Seems a decent dude, come on.
We just had a nice meal.
We did not just have a nice meal.
Ugh.
[Maria] You just had several glasses of wine,
and were really kind of a jerk.
Well, thank you very much, Maria.
Wow, I was a jerk. Oh, my goodness.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Apology accepted.
Thank you very much.
Do I, I'm sorry, Maria.
Look, I was doing apologies, and you dismissed them.
Shocking.
Ooh, ouch. Sorry.
That was funny.
[Woman] It's about time.
That was funny.
That was funny.
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
[Vineke] God, someone's gonna die
if you have another bottle.
[Tomas] No one's gonna, have you seen how tall I am?
I'm only filled up to my calves.
(Laughter)
Look what I found, dun-dun-dun.
Do you want some rose, sweetheart?
[Maria] Don't do that, I already...
Do you want some more?
Do you want some more attitude adjusts first?
You know, I think I just might need to keep pace with you.
[Tomas] Come on, Vineke, we'll toast.
[Maria] Woah! Vinnie...
[Ike] And you were just served.
[Tomas] No, she, she was just served.
Sell the Thurber, come on.
It's what I need to deal with Tomas tonight.
Oh, she brought it back, she brought it back.
Oh, I didn't mean to take that from you.
We made eye contact.
[Ike] Cybil should be the only one that can ever talk.
She dictates the conversations.
[Maria] Thank you, Cybil!
[All] Cybil.
[Felice] Here's to Cybil.
Three cheers.
[Ike] To Cybil, for keeping us civil!
Cybil, for keeping us civil.
Can I ask a favor?
After we get married,
every time I enter a room,
will you please give me a standing ovation?
Let's start now.
Let's start now.
Cybil! Yes! Yes!
(Applause)
[Tomas] Welcome to Cybilization, everybody.
Welcome to Cybilization.
[Woman] Cybil.
She's good at that.
You're my Cybil-ing, I got your back.
And then, can you stand up and wipe a tear away?
No.
(Laughter)
[Cybil] Just one tear.
But you have to be, yeah.
It has to have meaning!
That is my sister-in-law, ladies and gentlemen.
Soon-to-be, soon-to-be. Soon-to-be.
[Cybil] You're welcome.
Let's have a cheer to awkward moments.
Here's to awkward fucking moments.
Awkward fucking moments.
[Ike] No, let's cheer to not awkward fucking moments.
[Ben] To awkward moments.
Awkward.
[Woman] While fucking.
[Ike] You don't want to see me?
Well, you won't see me.
Like, who else?
Oh, just kidding.
No, you know Ike's got plenty.
[Felice] Get a photobomb.
Get out of here.
Thank you for ruining that lovely moment.
[Tomas] Oh, I didn't ruin anything.
He's got her all on tape.
How was she, how was she?
How were you when you started, recreate the face.
Turn around...
And she was like the coolest, most gorgeous creature ever.
- Stop it.
- Creature.
[Maria] And she asked me out to coffee,
and I freaked out and I didn't go.
Let that happen, let it happen, let's focus.
With what person?
Changes the relationship with...
[Ike] It's different.
You have like, another life to take care of,
and it changes things.
Like, child is difficult.
[Tomas] Exactly, pussy.
Hey, I'm against that.
Pussies do beautiful, wonderful things.
Pussies are tender, pussies are sensitive,
and they suffer and they push out life.
They take a lot of pain.
Here's to pussies.
Well, we can call him a dick, and that's fine.
Because, tell me the last time a pussy started a war.
Pussies stopped wars.
- Pussies stop wars.
- Pussies stop the wars.
Three cheers to that shit.
Um, her name is, her name is Alis.
[Felice] Pussies can stop some wars.
Thank you.
Maybe Felice and I can get along after all.
There's double standards, is all I'm saying.
[Felice] All right, sure.
When they talk about what atrocities are going to happen
to a village after it's been conquered,
are pussies going to go out and cause the damage?
No, dicks do.
- All right, so, okay.
- [Man] It's true.
So you're saying women are better than men.
[Felice] No, I'm just saying pussies
should not be used as a derogatory term.
[Ben] I love pussies.
[Ike] But dicks are a derogatory term.
That's what I'm saying.
Don't you?
What?
Uh-oh.
Things are breaking up.
Oh, you've gotta be...
[Tomas] The party's breaking up.
[Ike] fucking kidding me.
- Hey, Cybil, nice to see you.
- [Ike] Are you joking?
Did you know?
Hey.
[Felice] Hey.
- [Woman] Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, guys.
Let's get a hug.
I want a hug, I want a hug, I want a hug.
I'm coming for hug two.
Hi, you.
I'm glad you came!
Hi! (Mumbles)
Hi, hi.
Hey, this is Marc.
- [Marc] Hey.
- It's Felice.
I've heard great things about you.
Nice to meet you, in person!
Hi!
We've had wine, I, I, I can just...
Yeah, everybody's had a lot of wine.
You had dinner.
- My mouth tastes like church.
- So, um.
Um, I'm gonna show you two around.
[Ike] What does that mean?
Sure, yeah, we can move our stuff down.
Wine, and that bread that's flattened.
[Woman] He'll back down, right?
[Maria] Do you want some wine?
[Alis] Uh, we're gonna put our stuff down.
[Maria] All right.
You got it?
[Alis] I got it, it's...
[Maria] Well, with Tomas and all staying here...
(Mumbles)
Look who's here.
Is there another bottle?
(Car door slams)
(Heavy breathing)
Did you know?
No.
[Ike] The fucking balls.
[Vineke] Un...
Believable.
[Felice] Okay, relax.
[Tomas] Maria, why didn't you fucking tell me
that she was bringing Marc?
I didn't know she was bringing Marc.
Yeah, I figured she was coming,
I just didn't...
[Tomas] Her being here is...
- Tomas, I didn't know.
- [Tomas] Bad enough.
And now she's got him?
[Maria] I had no idea.
[Ike] Maria, you let him in the house.
What was I supposed to do?
[Ike] You say, "No."
You kick him out on the fucking street.
No.
[Ike] That is not fucking cool.
He's a total asshole.
Well, what do you know about him?
It doesn't matter what we know about him,
it's not about him.
[Felice] Yeah, you guys are making it about him.
You're saying he's a total asshole. What...
No, it's not, I'm not saying that.
Please do share what information...
[Ike] I'm not saying that he's an asshole.
I'm saying that she's a fucking asshole for bringing him.
[Felice] Okay, maybe she just wanted to feel accepted
and loved and have someone with her.
Then you tell.
Then you mention that's happening, okay?
She made her choice, okay?
She made her fucking choice. You don't drop that bomb.
You don't fucking drop that bomb.
And by the way, he doesn't give a shit
about any of her friends.
Let's just make that clear.
[Felice] That's not true, and that's not fair.
Oh, what interaction have you had with him?
I have been with her recently,
and she was grateful to have the time and attention.
[Vineke] What interaction have you had,
[Tomas] Shut the fuck up,
you personally had with him?
[Tomas] They can all hear you inside, okay?
[Ike] It has nothing to do with him.
Of course, it apparently does!
Would you guys fucking relax,
okay, they can hear you fucking inside.
It's exactly what she fucking wants.
[Vineke] I don't care.
[Felice] Wow, you're really making her to be
some sort of extraordinary villain
that structured this whole thing.
How would you...
[Ike] She did.
[Maria] I invited her.
I invited her.
[Vineke] But how dare she do that to you?
- Yeah, bad fucking idea.
- [Ike] Yeah, you invited her.
It is selfish. I am...
[Maria] It was the invitation we sent out.
There was a plus one on it.
I didn't even think.
[Cybil] Who would have?
[Ike] She can't, she can't hide under that,
like, fucking hospitality bullshit. She...
[Maria] It's done.
You know what we do? We...
[Maria] Tomas...
Do you know how difficult that is gonna make tomorrow?
It is gonna make tomorrow impossible.
[Maria] No, you guys don't know.
No, we'll get rid of him in the morning.
First thing, we'll kick him out.
[Ike] I mean, if that's what she did,
she is not...
[Felice] You say it like she did something so horrible,
[Vineke] You know what?
[Felice] like she committed some crime.
[Ike] She brought, are you, I am, that is...
[Vineke] She actually did.
She broke the law, basically.
Excuse me?
[Maria] That is not what tomorrow is about.
No, tomorrow is about...
No, no, no, no.
No, let's back up.
What fucking law did she break?
[Ike] She committed adultery.
- Thank you.
- That's, that's the law.
[Felice] After she was separated. What law...
- [Ike] No.
- No. No.
Did she break?
I'm sorry, what biblical world are you living in,
- that she broke a law?
- Not after she was separated.
She was fucking him long before they were separated.
Why does this hurt you so badly?
[Ike] Fucking stoke the burning flames.
Gee, thought you were my friend.
[Ike] She does not need any more excuse to fucking...
(Door slams)
(Felice and Ike shout)
(Laughter)
[Ike] This is funny!
This is great!
It's like I'm not right there with her,
It's not, I'm, you know, I'm not there,
then has to wake up after three hours of sleep,
and go work all day.
That's not me.
I am doing nothing, nothing wrong.
I didn't say that.
- I am contributing nothing.
- I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
Maybe your guilt is talking,
but I didn't say that.
[Ike] Oh, my guilt?
I think you put the guilt on me. Please.
[Felice] Did anybody hear me say that?
Um, didn't you call me not a good parent,
because I don't check every 15 minutes?
That's not what I said.
Wait for your guilt to talk.
[Ben] Wait, how long have you guys been married?
Eight years.
How long did you guys know each other before that?
[Felice] A year.
[Ben] A year.
Yeah.
[Ike] Mm-hm.
- [Ben] When, I was just...
- But you know what?
We're gonna sleep in the same bed together,
then we're gonna wake up,
I'm gonna bring her coffee,
and you know what?
She's gonna kiss me good morning,
and everything is gonna be great.
That's how it works.
Tell them.
[Ike] That's how it works, Ben.
Tell them that thing your dad says.
[Ben] What about my dad?
Tell them what your dad says.
[Ben] Oh, no, about his marriage thing?
Come on.
[Cybil] Tell them.
[Ben] Dad...
I'm, okay, well, I'm about to turn 28.
They have been together 27 years.
No, that doesn't make sense.
Well, yes.
They've been together a long time.
I mean, it's a long time,
how do you do it, right?
So I asked them that.
And you know, he said,
he said, "The first seven years are great."
Go team.
[Ike] That's why we pop round two.
"The next seven years are pure Hell,
"and after you get past that second seven years,
"you're so thankful that the Hell has passed,
"that, I mean, it couldn't get any worse, right?
"So you stay together,
"'Cause, I mean, it couldn't get any worse, right?"
More wine?
(Water splashing)
Mm.
Take this off.
(Gasping)
Come back here.
Oh, wait.
Morning.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Breakfast?
Yeah. After you.
[Felice] Did you hear what I said?
A hurricane, that its'...
They're closing the parks at five.
And they're closing the bridges at seven.
All right, we're not going to get into that,
that you're...
'Kay.
That I'm what?
That I'm not a good father.
[Felice] I didn't, I'm not, I didn't say that.
You can do this.
Is he gonna be okay?
I don't know.
I'm fine, is she...
[Alis] Come here.
Uwe and Rosie just bailed.
I will cook.
You can't cook.
Don't make that face at me.
Anger only reflects anger.
- If anyone's angry...
- [Maria] Everybody's angry.
If anyone's angry, they're just gonna be angry back.
So we have to take the high road,
and try not to be angry.
It's just a beautiful morning.
[Cybil] Places, places, places.
[Maria] All right, we all know what we're doing, right?
Everybody's waiting for me.
[All] Good morning.
[Maria] We're glad you're here.
- [Woman] Good morning.
- So, coffee?
[Woman] Want something, want some coffee?
What do you want in your coffee?
Just black is fine.
- Morning, hello.
- Alis, hi.
Thanks for coming.
Okay, come on in.
So, Marc, can you do me a favor?
[Marc] Yeah.
I think Ben probably needs some help out by the pool.
Oh.
[Maria] But could you...
I'll just have some,
let me sit down and have some breakfast.
You know what, he sort of needs some help right now,
so if you grab one, I promise I'll get you sitting down,
[Marc] It can wait five minutes.
I'll make you some eggs later.
[Marc] What's the problem?
[Maria] Actually, it can't right now.
[Vineke] Ben's waiting.
Yeah, he's waiting.
[Ike] What do you want? Croissant, muffin...
Thank you.
- [Marc] What's going on?
- I have no idea.
[Maria] It's okay.
I'll take good care of her,
I promise I'll give her back in just a minute.
I just need some, Ben needs some help.
You know, I'd like for us to eat breakfast together.
You know what, I'm sorry.
I certainly don't mean to be rude, so thank you.
You don't mean to be rude?
[Maria] I know, I know, it's me, it's all me.
Are these organic?
I only do organic.
Sure. Yeah.
I saw you last eating, remember?
[Tomas] You okay?
I'm just gonna grab something and go upstairs.
[Maria] No, I would like for you
to stay for a few minutes.
- [Woman] Alis, coffee?
- No.
What's with all the cards and nonsense?
Why is everyone acting like this is a funeral?
What is this?
[Maria] Everyone sit down, please.
[Alis] What is this? What is this?
[Maria] This is an intervention.
[Tomas] I'm gonna have an aspirin.
Lead by example.
[Alis] Are you serious right now?
[Maria] Yeah, I'm serious.
This is my idea, so bear with me...
Can we just have breakfast?
Did you know about this?
No, I didn't know about this.
Well, not like I believe anything
- you say these days anyway, so.
- Why would you?
All right.
Tomas, could you please sit down?
Why? Just say what you're gonna say, please.
[Maria] Would you sit down, please?
Thank you.
[Tomas] Should I sit here where my name is?
[Maria] That'd be great.
[Vineke] Oh, I'll just hold my tongue.
Everything okay, Vineke?
This is, this is an intervention.
This is an intervention.
For what?
[Maria] The only way this is gonna work
is if I'm the only one that talks out of turn.
Because if there's one person that talks out of,
otherwise we're gonna break into fighting.
And really, we've had enough of that. So...
This is stupid.
I came here to celebrate your wedding,
not to have a fucking intervention.
[Maria] Well, that's why I asked you to come a day early.
Because we really want to get
this settled before we get married.
Get this, I'm sorry, this is our life, not yours.
Oh, did you happen to know
that your life affects our lives?
Hello, have you noticed this yet?
Maybe if you took a step back
and dealt with your own life.
Honestly, honestly none of you have been there for me.
None of you have been there for me,
[Felice] Okay, that is not true,
and that's not fair.
- [Vineke] That isn't true.
- Yeah, okay.
[Vineke] Look, how come we follow you
when you decide to go run off with some other guy?
[Maria] Wait, wait, wait, Vineke.
That's not fair either.
[Maria] Felice, everybody.
Thank you.
We are here because we love both of you.
We're here because you're getting married,
and I'm trying to support you in your marriage.
I don't know why,
why would you even come?
Tomas, I asked you to come a day early.
That's why we're here today early.
Yeah, we thought...
What we're going to do...
You know what I'd like to know?
Why you're here a day early.
I feel like you're ganging up on us, actually,
is what I feel like.
Can you please not talk to each other?
You can talk to me.
I would like to know why she's here a day early.
I was invited.
[Maria] This is about all of your friends and family
coming to tell you how much we love you,
and how sad we are that things
are getting so out of control.
[Vineke] And it's about Sam.
Well, honestly, let's be...
You know what? Fuck it.
[Maria] Things have gotten really out of control lately.
Yes, they have.
I was almost in jail because of this fucker.
Let's talk about who is really out of line.
Okay, what my lawyer does is not what I do, okay?
[Maria] Please don't talk directly to each other.
Please talk to me.
[Alis] I'm sorry, this is bullshit.
Alis.
Here's the deal:
You can walk out the door, it's okay.
But if you do,
if either of you do,
you need to know, that's it.
We're done.
I won't be helping you see Sam anymore.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Well, you have to.
That's actually court-mandated.
You're fucking threatening us now?
[Maria] If either of you walk out the door, that's it.
We are not a part of your lives anymore.
We love you and we are here to help you.
It feels manipulative to me, to be honest.
[Maria] Well, I'm sorry it feels that way,
but would you please humor us?
Thank you.
Got your security blanket here,
he's standing outside.
- [Maria] Tomas.
- Fuck you.
(Bottles clinking)
Hey.
How's it going?
What's up?
Um, can I help you out with that?
[Ben] Nah, I've got it.
All right.
Shitty day, huh?
Just like a storm, probably.
Yeah.
Got a lot of beer there.
Yeah, it's for the wedding.
[Marc] Yeah, it's quite a lot, man.
Do you want a beer?
Aw, pff.
I mean, no, no, no.
It's kind of, it's kind of early for beer, right?
I mean, whatever, man.
Have one or have not, you know?
Whatever you've gotta do.
You're cool with it?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, cool.
Thanks.
Yep.
Sorry, I mean, I'm Marc.
Yeah, I know who you are.
You're going out with Alis, right?
Yeah.
We're comrades in arms.
What does that mean?
[Marc] We're both going through, uh, shitty divorces.
Sorry to hear that, buddy.
It's cool.
I'm a big boy.
I can take it.
I think.
Wait.
Ben, right?
Yep.
Oh, shit.
Please tell me you're not the guy that Tomas thought was me.
Oh, shit.
Dude, you caught so much shit for that.
I did.
And you're still here.
I am.
I'm sorry about that.
Whatever, man.
Fuck Tomas. I hate him.
Yeah, fuck Tomas.
Why don't you join me?
[Tomas] Are all you guys part of this?
Yes.
Were all of us affected by the way
that you guys are behaving? Yes?
[Alis] I don't understand what the end-game is here.
What is the point of this?
The point is to talk.
To talk.
[Alis] You think we don't talk?
- [All] No.
- We don't know.
You don't talk.
[Maria] All right, all right, all right.
You think it's gonna be any different
by putting us in this situation?
I feel that this is personal,
and that you're making it very public,
and it makes me uncomfortable.
[Maria] We are all of your friends.
Would you let her know it is personal,
that it's been personally affecting all of us?
[Alis] What are you so angry about?
I don't understand what you're so angry about.
Just because you are heartbroken,
and dealing with your own grief,
doesn't mean you should take it out on us.
[Maria] Okay, the whole point is not to be judgemental.
[Vineke] Hello, what about Sam?
That's really what this is about.
What about Sam in G?
That's the reason why I'm here,
is to see my daughter,
and she's not even here, so.
So, she's coming tomorrow.
And I would prefer it if what's-his-face wasn't here.
He has a name.
You know he has a name.
All right, all right, Marc, yeah.
Marc.
Well, I'm with him.
And this is a wedding.
I get a plus one.
I'm not gonna apologise for that.
I would like to...
Well, Sam is arriving tomorrow, okay,
and I don't want him around her.
Well, they've met, and they have a great relationship.
Oh yeah, oh, great.
So you guys get to go and play fucking house,
while I'm not there?
[Maria] That's not what this is about.
That is what this is about.
It's about my daughter.
Listen, just because you have
no personal life outside of hers,
- Oh, fuck you, okay, Alis?
- it's not my fault.
Fuck you.
(Rain falls)
This is nice.
[Alis] Honestly, I have done
nothing wrong in this situation.
Following the heart...
Right, you were that innocent fucking virgin.
It is not wrong to divorce someone,
so sue me!
I'm sorry that you're hurting.
- I did sue you.
[Alis] You think I'm not hurting?
We can't even agree on anything.
How are we gonna share her?
[Alis] That's the whole reason why we're here.
[Maria] Like I said before,
I understand how hurt you are by this.
This is so fucking ridiculous.
None of you guys fucking understand anything.
Right, that's why I don't even talk to you anymore!
It's why I never say fucking anything to you!
(Shouting)
I am thinking about Sam!
I'm the only one thinking about Sam!
(Rain patters)
I like the sound of the rain.
(Imitates rain)
I love sleeping in the rain, actually.
Not like, not like that, know what I'm saying, just...
Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying, man.
It's all right.
It's fucking cold.
- [Maria] Stop this battle.
- This is not helping!
Don't you understand?
Shut up, Maria, shut up!
I have nothing left to lose.
And you think he's gonna give two inches?
I'm not letting you take her away, okay?
Alis, if you yell like this, it won't.
If I yell like this?
If I yell like this?
[Maria] Both of you.
I understand, I understand how hard things are right now.
I'm sorry, this is bullshit.
No, you don't understand.
What you're trying to do is you're trying to understand,
but until you live with this man every day of your life,
and deal with his anger issues,
and then see them passed down to your child,
You weren't even there. You weren't even there.
You don't understand.
[Maria] Perhaps I might have
a little bit of a heads-up for that.
Why, because you're related?
Why is everyone fucking against me, okay?
[Alis] Nobody is against you.
Come on, the only reason why we're here
is because we care.
Do you think this is fun for us?
Do you think I took time away from my kid
so I could be here,
just for this fun episode for the two of you? No.
I'm here because I care about you,
and because I care about both of you.
When I think of fun,
this is not at the top of my fucking list.
[Maria] I want to get this solved,
before we go up and start our lives together.
Good, have a wonderful life!
Don't even start with me.
I asked you to be my witness,
and you didn't even tell me.
Ike did not lie for you,
which is not the same thing.
[Tomas] I did not ask him to do anything
except be my friend!
- Oh, come on.
- What position were you
trying to put me in as a friend?
[Alis] This is going really well.
[Tomas] Peter, Peter, Peter would never do that.
Yeah, well, Peter's a fucking
scumbag dirtbag who left this family.
You know what, if that's what you want in your corner,
good for fucking you, man.
If that's the shit you want...
You know what?
[Tomas] Not one of you is in my corner.
Peter abandoned you two,
and he didn't even give a shit about you.
[Tomas] Shut up!
Fuck you!
He did the best thing
he ever did when he walked away from you.
You pushed him away, and you push me away!
Fuck you. Fuck you!
All of you push me away!
- [Vineke] Fuck you!
- Tomas!
[Alis] Great intervention, guys.
I did things for her, you know?
She was my professor,
she really took care of me, you know,
when I got back.
So what'd you study though?
I studied physics.
I was Alis' student.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right. Of course.
So what're you doing here?
Just, I'm just helping Cybil out with the wedding.
Trying to get some extra cash.
(Marc speaks in foreign language)
- Cheers.
- Yeah, man.
The fuck is it with all these birds?
What are they doing?
I don't know.
Alis is cool, you know?
(Thunder rumbles)
My wife was cool, too.
You know what?
Fuck them.
I'm gonna use that.
You know this is not the way to deal with him.
[Tomas] You got it figured out?
[Felice] We don't know what else to do, Alis.
[Ike] What's the best way to handle this?
[Felice] We care about you,
and we don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's okay, it's okay.
[Felice] Oh come on, that's not fair.
[Alis] It is pretty true, though.
- You can't deny it.
- [Tomas] Oh, fuck.
Crazy's here. Jesus.
[Ike] But if his sister can't get married
without like, worrying about you guys,
[Alis] Is this a joke?
Did you invite her?
[Maria] Invite who?
I don't understand why she's here.
This is Marc's ex-wife.
[Woman] Are you sure?
[Felice] What can we do for you?
- [Alis] She's not well.
- What do you mean, not well?
She's on a lot of prescription drugs.
She's kind of crazy.
I'm calling him!
Would you call Marc, let him know that...
[Woman] He's right outside.
No, because I just know,
I have something in my bag,
and I just, I don't know.
[Alis] I don't know what she's doing.
She's...
(Screaming)
Please don't yell.
Please, no yelling.
[Alis] Sila?
Where's my, uh...
Where's Marc?
[Alis] He's outside.
Is he here?
[Sila] Hi, honey.
What the fuck?
[Tomas] Would you take care of this, please?
[Marc] Babe, what,
what is this?
This is...
No, it's, yeah.
Where'd you get it?
Look, let's do this.
Let's go outside.
We'll have a talk,
and, you know.
[Sila] I don't want to go outside and have a talk.
What is the matter with you?
[Marc] Nothing.
I just...
[Sila] What is going on?
I have to, you know.
[Sila] No.
I have to piss, okay?
[Sila] Well, then go.
Go, honey.
Go pee.
Marc, would you go pee?
[Sila] Just go.
- Go to the bathroom.
- [Maria] It's straight ahead.
Sila, let's just, let's just talk.
Shh.
It's just like, an accident waiting to happen.
(Marc pees)
He's almost finished.
(Toilet flushes)
Baby, it's loaded?
Does it have real bullets in it?
Yeah, that's, that's, that's loaded.
- I'd sit down.
- [Marc] How do you know?
It's my gun.
How'd you get in my car?
[Felice] You have a gun?
[Cybil] He was in the military.
(Shouting)
It's all right, it's all right.
We're good?
We're not really good.
[Ben] What's your name?
Ben, Sila.
Sila, Ben.
- My wife.
- [Sila] Thanks, honey.
That's, yeah.
I'm Sila.
- It's Southern.
- [Ben] Hi, Sila.
I'm Ben.
Hi, Ben.
[Ben] Um, look.
Sila, I'm just gonna take a few steps closer to you,
so you can give me back the gun, okay?
No.
It's really simple, Sila.
See, what you have in your hands,
it doesn't belong to you,
and you've taken it without my permission.
And that's not cool, is it?
No. Ben, it is not cool.
So not cool to take something that isn't yours,
without permission.
That's why I'm here.
[Ben] Sila.
Because you took something of mine,
without my permission.
Please stop talking.
Let's all sit down.
[Ben] Let's sit down and talk about...
Let's all sit down.
Everybody, find a seat.
[Alis] What do you want?
It's my turn.
[Marc] Alis, please.
Please.
Don't talk.
Sila, what you have in your hands is not a toy.
[Sila] It's not a toy?
- It's not a, this is...
- [Sila] This is not a toy?
(Gun fires and glass shatters)
[Ben] Okay. Okay.
[Marc] Sila, put down the gun, come on.
Wow.
[Marc] Sila, please. (Sneezes)
[Sila] Bless you.
Thanks, babe.
Thanks.
(Sneezes)
[Alis] She's pretty, your wife, you know that?
[Marc] Did you take a pill?
[Sila] Did I take my pill?
Yeah, I took a pill.
[Marc] Which pill did you take?
[Sila] I took uppers, and I took the downers.
[Marc] Oh, shit.
[Sila] And I took the inners, and I took the outers.
Yes, honey, I took my pill.
I took the pill.
I took all of the fucking pills.
Made me even...
(Laughs)
[Tomas] That's good. Becomes fucking crazy.
[Marc] My wife is not crazy.
[Tomas] Yeah? Fuck you.
[Marc] She's unusual.
She's not crazy.
You don't know her.
[Tomas] You better shut the fuck up.
[Marc] Don't say she's crazy.
[Sila] Thank you.
You're welcome.
[Sila] Oh, my God.
What is your name?
[Cybil] Cybil.
But you are like, the poster child
for like, a fucking nice person, right?
(Cybil laughs)
You actually think I'm funny.
[Cybil] Thank you. Thank you.
[Marc] She's getting married today.
Did you know that?
[Sila] No.
[Marc] Yeah, that's why I'm here.
[Sila] Really? You're here for a wedding?
Oh my god.
Okay, wait, Marc, for just one second
I want to hear there are like, weird happy stories.
Who are you marrying?
No way.
Seriously? Gay marriage?
[Cybil] So gay.
So gay.
Wow.
Marriage. Ha...
(Phone rings)
Whose phone is ringing?
It's the home, it's the home phone.
[Sila] Home phone?
Go ahead, get the phone.
Hello?
[Sila] Who is it?
I don't know, it's a guy.
It's a recording.
[Sila] What's it say?
Did you not pay your bill?
[Cybil] No, it's about the hurricane.
They want us to shut down all the,
to turn off our electricity, and things like that.
Okay, hang up, hang up.
That's one of the, okay, come on back.
Who's gonna be, one, two, three.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Nine, 10.
Even!
That's, that works nicely.
So, one, two, three, are my friends.
And then, yeah, ha.
Okay, yeah, I'll let you be my friend.
Hang in there, babe.
It'll all be over soon.
Right?
You can do anything if there's a time limit on it.
And seriously, you can.
You can do anything.
You can do anything, so we're gonna make team Sila,
and we're gonna make team Marc,
and we're gonna sit at the table,
and we're gonna work it out.
And we're gonna save my family, right?
The one I made.
'Cause I didn't have one, I made one.
I made one. We have one.
We have one.
That was supposed to be enough, right?
'Cause like, if you don't have one above you,
you have one below you,
and then it goes from there.
You're right, Sila.
You're right.
Okay, so.
There's this funny thing.
God, I feel compelled.
It just, oh.
So, those are my kids.
Those are my best thing I ever did.
Really, the only thing I've done.
[Marc] That's not true.
Oh.
That's my dad.
He's not...
God, I think we're lucky he's not alive anymore.
He would fucking kill you.
He would kill you for me.
Easy pickings.
My name's Alis, and I'm coming to your town,
and I'm gonna fuck up your family.
It's like a bad, um, right?
You might notice that our happy family is, um,
that my husband's not in any of the fucking pictures.
You might notice that.
You might notice that.
You're, that's, really, thank you so much!
Thank you, oh my God.
Thank you.
Oh, that's what I should do.
I should just go make some friends,
and like, what?
Make some family.
Just make it!
I made a fucking family,
and it's falling apart!
Do you understand me?
Do you understand me?
[Marc] Babe, where are the...
I made one!
I made a family!
I didn't have a family around me.
I fucking made one!
I made one, I pushed them right out, man!
[Marc] Babe, where are the kids?
They're fine.
[Marc] Where are they?
They're fine.
Why are you crying?
You don't get to cry.
You don't get to cry.
[Marc] Just leave her alone, okay?
[Alis] If you're gonna shoot me, just shoot me.
Are you kidding me?
If you're gonna kill me, just kill me.
- Honestly, just do it.
- Just leave her alone.
[Cybil] God, Alis, don't say that.
Don't say that.
Please don't say that.
[Marc] Alis, please.
And it's back to Alis.
Wow.
Did you see how she did that?
That was amazing.
Were you taught that, or were you just born that way?
[Alis] Look, I don't want you to hurt my friends.
[Sila] Do us all a favor,
and put your gigantic fucking Ph.D mouth shut,
I'm not kidding you.
[Alis] I'm not scared of her.
If she's gonna do it, she's gonna do it.
Please put the gun down, stop pointing it!
Shut up!
Stop pointing it.
[Sila] What, do you care about her?
What, do you care about her?
What, are you really worried about her?
Don't call me Sila.
[Marc] What do you want me to call you?
[Sila] What do you call me, hon?
[Marc] I call you babe.
Why does he love you?
What is it about her?
What is it about her, honey?
He loves your brain.
I was a teacher, but you, wow.
So tell me, if he loves your brain,
why does he fuck you?
Are you wearing panties right now?
- [Alis] Fuck you.
- Leave her alone.
[Sila] Oh, God.
Are you kidding?
This is not a good mother!
- This is not a good woman!
- She is a good mother.
Leave her the fuck alone!
Oh my God.
I have seen her.
I have seen you.
I've seen you fucking,
I've seen you shopping for furniture,
I've seen you shopping for wine.
Picking up my kids,
playing house with my fucking children,
when you can't even take care of your own.
What kind of woman does that?
I would never let my kids go like that.
If I could do it, I...
Whatever it is that she does, I can do it.
Stop, come on, we have a daughter.
[Sila] I can do it, I can do it, I know.
I know, I know.
[Marc] The boys.
[Sila] They're fine.
[Marc] Where are they?
They're with the stupid babysitter you hired.
Babe?
They're okay?
Didn't you already ask me that,
and didn't I answer it?
Do you have any idea what it's like
to hang up from a Skype call with your husband,
run and use the bathroom real quick,
come back into the room,
and see some woman walk into his hotel room?
And just pull up her skirt,
bend over, and, no panties.
And, ha.
Right?
Why didn't you turn it off?
What made you watch?
[Marc] Alis, please.
'Cause I wanted to know.
It was like a train wreck.
You can't stop.
I didn't want to kill her.
- [Tomas] No, don't. Don't.
- [Woman] Please don't!
[Marc] Sila, Sila, put the gun down, please.
[Vineke] Kill who?
[Marc] Please, what do you want me to do?
What do you want...
I didn't want to kill her.
[Marc] Sila, Sila, what do you want to do?
Why'd she have to be a girl?
Oh, when you're a girl,
you get all the promises of the skinny weddings,
with the big cakes, and it never comes true,
and you've got to marry some man,
and depend on him for everything,
and he doesn't want what you give him.
And you give him, and you give him,
and you give him, and I gave.
And I made a family.
[Marc] What are you talking about, babe?
And I gave it to you.
[Marc] I know you did.
But what, what are you talking about?
And then, and then you have to, like,
save all your quarters,
so you can pay the doctor in cash,
so he didn't find out,
'cause he didn't want the third one,
so you know he won't want the fourth one,
and especially not if she's gonna be
a beautiful little baby girl, perfect.
[Marc] Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Don't, Sila.
Sila, please.
Please.
This is my fault.
I'm, oh God.
Where are my kids?
(Heavy breathing)
I miss them, I want them.
(Heavy breathing)
Honey.
Honey, where are my kids?
[Marc] Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
(Sila sobs)
(Muffled speech)
[Sila] Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
[Cybil] Want some water?
[Sila] I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(Rain patters)
[Felice] Where are you going?
God, God, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Fuck, fuck.
- [Felice] What are you doing?
Holy fucking shit!
[Felice] Oh, my gosh.
Holy shit.
(Splashing)
(Rain patters)
Are you okay?
No, come in here.
No, that is not, that is not happening.
(Heavy breathing)
You've gotta get in here.
It's so good.
Oh, my God.
Don't make me.
- Please.
- Make you what?
Oh, my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Muah.
(Splash)
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh, sweet Jesus!
I can't believe we just did that!
[Cybil] She's, she's fine.
She's not crazy, you know?
She's a good mom.
She takes the kids to school.
She cooks.
She does everything for them.
She's not crazy.
Hey, thank you.
Thanks for not letting them call the cops.
Do you need help?
I keep thinking if it's raining,
give me some kind of a tarp or something?
(Mumbling)
Oh my God, are you okay?
I mean, clearly.
(Laughing)
What, oh my God.
Oh, my God.
Please...
(Laughing)
This is, this is the worst wedding ever.
Just because, just because we were
at gunpoint for two hours?
(Heavy breathing)
It's was like, oh wait,
can you wait to kill me,
I have to pee first.
Doesn't he know that when you get shot,
you just pee your pants anyway?
Oh, God, that's horrible.
I thought she was, ugh.
Oh my God, I thought she killed them.
What?
I thought she killed her kids.
[Cybil] Oh, you thought she killed her kids?
I thought she was gonna kill them.
I thought she, I thought she was,
I thought she was like, living in the future.
I thought she was like, "I didn't want to kill her,"
and had already killed her in her mind.
I thought she was gonna kill...
Oh my god.
Did that just happen?
Can you ever forgive me?
(Moaning)
I'm, uh, not in touch with Peter.
Nobody is.
I was in the beginning.
He, um, he called me to say he was leaving.
Why didn't you tell me?
I didn't know how to,
how to tell you,
and I didn't even know what to say.
(Cybil laughs)
[Maria] Do you want to fuck Ben?
Woah.
It's my fault.
(Heavy breathing)
(Crying)
Sorry.
[Vineke] I didn't know I would be happy somewhere else.
I'm sorry.
I know.
You don't.
Alis?
Alis, where are you?
Alis?
Alis, are you in here?
Hey.
You okay?
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
You slept with her.
Yeah. I...
I'm sorry.
Now you're saying sorry.
You're gonna leave with her in the morning.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
(Sobbing)
God, you're the only thing that makes me happy right now.
I can't lose this.
(Rain patters)
(Frogs croak)
(Heavy footsteps)
(Scream)
Hello, what is going on here?
Can you hold this for a second?
[Ben] I was on that couch before.
I love that couch.
I got a text from my friend.
[Ben] That couch saved my life.
[Cybil] It was supposed to be the efficient.
[Marc] So, you think we're gonna be stuck here for days,
or what?
[Cybil] Yeah, there's no way into the city.
Bridges are closed, tunnel's closed.
Subway's closed.
[Ike] This is just like Escape From New York.
You seen that movie?
Hello, Kurt Russel?
[Cybil] Who's that?
[Ike] Kids are all right.
Felice called them like, a thousand times.
And they're Uptown, so they still have power.
[Vineke] Okay, like, maybe I should smoke.
[Cybil] Here, here, here, here.
That's what he said...
(Vineke makes sounds of disgust)
[Man] I offered her some yesterday.
[Man] And there goes that bottle.
[Tomas] If I could sleep, would I even be down here?
What happened, did Felice have another baby?
Just so you know.
The lady Vineke, a big stood-up...
(Imitating trumpet music)
[Man] Wonderfully done, sir.
There's a whole spread with chips,
and dips, and, and chocolates, and brownies.
What do you have to do to make someone like that happy?
And chocolatey salty treats, and...
You failed.
You failed.
(Heavy breathing)
How about Alis?
You tell me.
You never think about what it would be like
when you divorce that person,
like who's that person going to be like, right?
[Marc] Yeah.
[Tomas] Like Noah and Titno, right?
Did you ever think about that?
[Marc] No, no.
[Tomas] No one ever thinks about that, right?
[Marc] Well, you don't wanna think about that.
Or if you did, it's would be probably not
anywhere near as bad as it would be.
[Tomas] But you should, right?
You should think about it.
[Marc] Yeah, that would make sense.
[Tomas] In fact, what if,
I think they should make you get divorced first.
(Laughter)
- [Marc] Wow.
- [Tomas] And then,
if you can get through that,
then you can, then you can get married.
Then they'll give you a license.
[Marc] Oh, yeah.
Like, that's, you should write a book about that.
That's, that's quite a theory.
Or flip it on its head.
Like, who's that person gonna become
when you're like, happy and shit?
[Tomas] But you didn't.
Nobody would have anticipated this, right?
Mm-mm. No.
Like, you didn't know,
you don't know who the fuck your wife is.
No. No.
Oh, I mean, I guess you guys are divorced.
Yeah, but I don't know who the fuck I am right now.
I mean...
I don't know who the fuck you are,
but here we are.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
I could marry you.
You're proposing to me?
He bought an extra plane ticket for Sam to come with me,
which I thought was a little out of character,
but I was pleasantly surprised.
And then I fucking get to the airport,
and he's called the fucking cops,
and he's claiming that I'm trying to kidnap her.
Let's see, hold on.
[Cybil] Maybe we can get you an internet divorce.
Get a divorce first,
- and then, and then...
- Get a divorce first.
- And if you do that,
- And based on...
If you survive it,
if you're cool...
But what does surviving mean?
Oh, I mean.
Like, literally surviving.
Like, literally.
Like if you don't get shot.
Uh, that's a little too soon.
All right.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry. Sorry about that.
That was fucking,
that was wow.
Yeah, I mean, I get it.
I'd fucking love to shoot the woman who my husband is with.
That is an unpredictable, unconventional,
outside of the box way
to jail people together for weddings.
You know, she broke my heart.
Yeah, she broke mine too.
Just, just don't tell her.
You'll get me in trouble.
I won't get you in trouble.
You're a good guy.
Yeah, so are you, Tomas.
Thanks for, uh...
Well.
Here's to, uh... Good guys.
- To what?
- Good guys.
Here's to good guys.
Here's to good guys.
Here's to good guys!
Here's to good guys!
Good guys.
Good guys.
Eh, they're not listening.
- Never did.
- Mm-hm.
[Ike] I just became a minister online.
I literally just became a minister online.
I miss you.
Well, I miss you!
It's like, I want to go to sleep, but I can't.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, because the nightmares suck.
You having nightmares?
Oh, yeah.
Pussy.
(Laughter)
I got, I got four letters for you, soldier.
P-T-S-D, all right?
So don't...
Ooh, ooh, he's throwing out
the big words now.
The big acronyms.
Well, you don't die,
because you wake up, hopefully.
And right about that time...
Yeah, well, yeah.
When you wake up, and
(Takes a deep breath)
It's why you get up in the morning.
To good guys.
Where are they? I...
Am I a good guy?
Am I in this, am I in the club?
(Screaming)
[Man] A shooting range around the corner.
What kind of sick cosmic crap is that?
[Ike] Tomas, this is your game!
Sam's with your mother.
Is my mom coming to the wedding?
No. No.
She wasn't invited, but she's gonna bring Sam tomorrow.
She what?
She's gonna bring Sam tomorrow.
You can hide her, or whatever it is you do.
- That's how I do.
- [Marc] All day.
All day.
[Cybil] I can do it all day!
All day!
[Tomas] We're all nuts.
(Splashing)
[Alis] Yeah, I guess.
No, you did.
It was, so a guy runs into a bar,
asking, or screaming,
"Does anyone own a six-foot penguin,
"does anyone own a six-foot penguin?"
I'm sorry about Marc.
Bartender and all the patrons are like, "No, why?"
Guy says, "I think I might have just hit a nun."
(Laughing)
Oh, no.
[Marc] Oh, no. That's such nun-sense.
[Man] Oh, you did not.
[Felice] I did it!
[Maria] Oh, yes you did.
You know, when Sam was born,
she looked at me,
and I looked at you, and...
I'll never forget the look on your face.
(Splashing)
(Muffled speech)
[Alis] See you in court.
[Tomas] See you in court.
[All] Alis!
(Everyone speaks at once)
Be here now, Alis, come on!
[Felice] I can feel the relief wash over you!
Now, all we need is good old Tomas to get in.
[All] Tomas, Tomas!
Here he comes!
[Felice] Here he comes.
[Ike] Yes!
[Man] Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
[Felice] Tomas is at the diving board.
(Shouting)
[Ike] Wait, wait, wait, wait!
It's a stand-off,
who is gonna get in here first?
(Shouting)
Oh, oh, all right.
- All right.
- [Tomas] Maybe.
[Ike] Come on, buddy.
On three.
[Ike] All right, oh shit.
[All] One, two, three!
(Splash)
[Cybil] I'd like to give a shout out to, uh, Freebird.
(Water splashing)
I wish I knew you when I was a kid
But now I have to leave
Now I have to leave
Before
You leave me
And I wish I knew you when my heart was soft
Before it shut off
Maybe I wanted to lose you
Before you hurt me
Maybe I want to hurt you
Is this love
Is this love
Or am I faking
Is this love
Is this love
Is this love
Is this love
Or am I breaking
Is it
Is this love
You say it's the first time
You say I'm the only one
Isn't it strange
That if I am the only one
Why do I have to change
Is this love
Wish I knew you when my heart was
Something.
I wish I knew you when my eyes were clear
Now I just disappear
Maybe I want to lose you
Before you hurt me
Maybe I want to hurt you
Is this love
Is this love
Or am I breaking
Is this love
Is this love
Is this love
Is this love
Or am I faking
Is this
Is this love
What is
Love
Wish I knew you when I was a kid