A Kid Like Jake (2018) Movie Script
1
Oops!
Hello? Hello?
Hi.
Mm. How late can we go?
- I don't know.
- Do we have to go?
- No.
- Oh!
You're lying.
I am.
I am.
Monster bubbles!
I think he wants you.
That's funny.
It's like she has a mustache
right under her nose.
- She does?
- Yeah.
It's just really big lips.
- Greg.
- Tom.
- I wanted to say congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Only ten years of purgatory, right?
- Right.
- My brother-in-law, Greg.
- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to see you.
I think Jake's, like, twice
the size he was at Christmas.
Oh, yeah. You know, we should
really stop feeding him.
Come on. Enjoy yourself.
Corinne, my daughter, Alex.
- Hi, nice to meet you --
- Hi.
She worked with Paul Shuster
from the public
defenders office.
You remember Paul?
And it turns out before that
she and your brother
overlapped at Fordham
but they never met.
Oh. How funny.
You must be so proud.
I heard
he's the youngest partner
in the firm's history.
Well, he's always been driven.
What can I say?
And you're an attorney, as well?
Uh, no. I'm.. I mean, I was
but I stopped practicing
when I had my son.
Thank God for
the women's movement.
She'll go back, trust me.
- Oh. Is this you?
- Oh, Jesus.
What? It's adorable.
Oh, she was so good.
Now, if she had stuck to it,
can you imagine?
She's got the natural pose,
the natural arch.
Look at that, slim legs.
Everything she needed.
Gave up. What can you do?
You can't push, push, push.
You gotta let go, right?
Right?
She's humble. Ha!
Where'd she get that?
Thank you.
And where are you guys applying?
- Oh, boy.
- What?
Well, we loved our local
public school
but it just got rezoned.
- No!
- It'll, it'll be fine.
The whole reason we moved,
and now they won't let us send him.
I swear, if Pembroke
hadn't discovered
that Kimmie had perfect pitch
halfway through her interview
which, mind you,
we didn't even know..
I -- I mean, just forget it!
Dizzy!
- Dizzy.
- Oh!
- Wait. Come back!
- But I must go.
Please don't go.
That's when you say,
"I don't even know your name."
But I do know your name.
That's not how it goes.
Well, maybe Mommy
was improvising!
Maybe she was improvising!
My sister-in-law comes
from serious money.
I swear, all she does
is shop for the kid.
Meanwhile, I'm lucky
if I can get Jake
out of his pajama bottoms
half the time.
He likes to be comfortable.
Hell, I'd do the same thing
if I could get away with it.
You think the other parents
would mind?
Their preschool director
in a track suit?
You would look hot
in a track suit.
You are such a liar.
But I, you know, is that
even what I want for Jake?
A private school
full of Kimmies?
Even if we could afford it,
which we can't --
Honey, honey.
We're just talkin' options
right now. Casting a wide net.
- Here you go, ladies.
- Thank you.
- Unh-unh-unh! I got this.
- No, no.
Okay? You just get me the essay
by Thursday. No excuses.
Sandra?
- Mm-hmm.
- Come on back.
I should probably warn you,
I'm not sure I buy it.
This.. I mean, it was,
um, Ben's idea.
Ben's my husband.
For now.
How long ago did he move out?
Six days ago.
Yeah, he found
a temporary place.
He says he'll do
marriage counseling.
But only if I..
...work on me first.
Suddenly, he's Dr. Phil.
Can I ask, how's this work?
I just sit here and talk and..
It seems like it's important
for you to have a plan.
Is that what I have
to look forward to?
"A rich man's wife became sick.
"And when she felt that
her end was drawing near
"she called her only daughter
to her bedside and said
"'Dear child, remain good.'
"The girl went out to her
mother's grave every day and wept.
"When winter came,
the snow spread
"a white cloth over the grave.
"And when the spring sun
had removed it again
"the man took himself
another wife.
"Times soon grew very bad
"for the poor stepchild.
"'Why should that stupid goose sit
in the parlor with us?' they said.
'Out with this kitchen maid!'"
- Home again, home again.
- There you are.
I stopped by Gristedes.
God, what a zoo!
Oh, thanks. You -- you
didn't have to go tonight.
- Oh, hello, hello, hello.
- Hey.
What is all this?
It's a draft
for the parent essay.
For the private schools.
- Alex --
- I know, I know.
But I had lunch with Judy today
and she thinks we might have
a shot at a scholarship.
Really?
- Here, here, you relax.
- No, no, no, I've got this.
Well, you don't..
You don't think
that's a waste of time?
I mean, you know
it's, it's a long shot
obviously, but --
Right.
I went by the public school
that we are zoned for now
and it's not great, honestly.
The classrooms are overcrowded.
I'm just worried
he could get totally lost.
I -- I know we've always said
we're not those parents.
- But I don't know, maybe?
- Well, we can't afford to be.
- Greg. Greg!
- Relax!
Anyway..
You know, she said we should
at least try a few privates
along with
the magnet programs, so..
I was hoping you could
help me brainstorm.
- Tonight?
- You're so much better at this.
- Well, I'm not better at this than you.
- No, no, no, you are.
- Everything I write sounds so cloying.
- Alex..
Is there a prompt?
Oh, you know.
"How is Jake more special than
all the other hundreds
of thousands --"
Okay, okay.
Is there an actual prompt?
Uh.. Let's see.
All right.
"Imagine someone were to see
a roomful of children playing.
"Ignoring physical attributes
how would they identify
your child?"
You tell 'em about this?
- That is not funny!
- No!
That's exactly the kind of thing
that sounds
like parent bullshit.
But that is not bullshit!
He was hours old!
Developmentally,
babies don't typically
do that for days, at least.
- Yeah.
- He was clearly advanced --
- Oh, be careful, be careful!
- Oh, shit!
What is she doing
on the toaster oven?
She's drying.
Her head broke off.
I guess she fell,
and he came out sobbing
with this decapitated Cinderella
like she'd been guillotined.
- So what, you superglued her?
- Well..
You know, I kept insisting
that she's fine.
I told him that
was another necklace.
Oh.
- He buy that?
- I think?
Mm-hmm.
I've always said
the more attention we pay now
the more we really listen
the more engaged and confident
they'll be.
Not just in school,
but their whole lives.
Which is why it is so important
to create a preschool atmosphere
where children
are encouraged to be
their truest,
most authentic selves.
At this age, that's really
the most important thing.
Yeah, but they're just
playing all day, right?
I mean, basically,
what you've got here
is a, a well-funded playroom.
Well..
Uh, the truth is
uh, creativity and imagination
are both foundational
for all types
of higher learning.
A colleague of mine
wrote a great book
on the subject,
if you're interested.
It's very accessible.
- If it's crap, you can tell me.
- Hush.
It's just so hard
to pitch him --
Oh, trust me, I get it.
I get it.
I am almost..
...done.
Okay.
- My God, your face!
- What?
No -- no. M -- maybe this is
not even worth it.
- Stop. It's terrific.
- Really?
Yes.
There's only one thing --
No, of course.
I mean, you must have notes.
You talk about his imagination,
which is great
since that's really
the best indicator.
Why not use that as a lead-in
to talk a little about
his gender expansive play.
But anecdotes.
So you mean, like..
It could be anything, really.
I was in his classroom
on Tuesday
and he, and Emily, and Michelle
were creating
their own fairy tale
this enchanted forest.
And they'd made trees
out of chairs and pillows
and, and Jake..
Jake was this princess
who didn't know
she was a princess.
And Emily was the witch
who was keeping her locked up
and Michelle was somebody's
helper or something, but..
Anyway, it was really Jake..
...who was the ringleader.
You -- you think talking
about that would..
I -- I mean,
I'm -- I'm sure you're right
I just wanna make sure
that I understand.
Well, for one thing,
someone's gonna read this
and then
they're gonna meet Jake.
And it is always a good sign
when parents seem to really
know their kids
which, of course, you do.
- Right.
- But there's sort of a..
A big part of his personality
that you don't even mention.
Right?
Here's the second thing.
The numbers are ridiculous.
Especially when it
comes to which families
they're gonna help financially.
But what you have to remember is
everybody wants diversity.
Mm-hmm.
Let's be honest, Jake..
...he's, he's very special.
And believe me, this is the part
of my job I hate the most
this, this strategizing.
But I really think that
this is a card you could play.
That's all.
Not to mention, you want him
to be somewhere
he can thrive, right?
And the prince fell..
Standing on..
Look what I made.
I made a base for it.
All right. So it's all about
progression, right?
It's like you have to have
the right story.
So this is my pulled-together
you-don't-have-to-worry-
about-me
because-I'm-a-modern-
independent-working-woman picture.
- Right?
- Mm-hm, very slick.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
And then this one,
which is loving-mommy..
Loving-mommy, yes-I-have-a-kid
and-if-that-freaks-you-out
well-too-bad-'cause-I'm-not-
gonna-apologize-about-it..
You're sort of pimping him out.
- Stop! No, I'm not!
- W -- wait.
Wait. Show him the message.
Sanjay, come on, baby.
It's that time.
We're not done yet.
Right, okay.
"Wowza, Amal.
You are truly an exotic beauty.
"And your English
is so impressive.
"Maybe we could go
for a ride sometime.
No magic carpet here,
but I do have a Prius."
- What is wrong with people?
- Right? I know.
And that's not even
the half of it.
Come on, baby, I'm not..
Where did they..
- Oh, what in the world? I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no.
- I got it. This is all Jake.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Let me take that.
Thank you. Okay, bye.
Sanjay, come on!
Mommy's had a long day.
- He can't, he can't leave.
- I have to do this first.
You really don't think
it's weird?
About Judy?
I don't know.
I mean, she was strategizing,
right?
Yeah, no.
The strategizing, I get.
But the way she was talking
it was just a little..
I don't know.
I mean, he does like to play
dress-up.
That's not news.
Not that I care, obviously
but he's not exactly
Johnny Basketball.
Johnny what?
You know.
That's not an expression.
I know it's not,
I'm just saying.
What's your day like tomorrow?
I have a break around noon.
I go into Legal Aid till 3:00,
then pick up Jake.
- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Laurel! Laurel!
- Hi, Greg.
- Hey, listen, um..
I've been meaning to mention
and maybe
you've already noticed it
but the walls here
are a little..
And I.. Most of my patients,
they're pretty tame.
But you know, if you ever,
if there's a noise issue, or..
Oh! You're so sweet!
I haven't even noticed.
Oh, and I wouldn't want you
to worry about that.
I know, in my own work
how important vocalizing can be.
I find it's so helpful
in releasing
all kinds of emotional build-up.
I'm sure you're familiar
with Arthur Janov?
It's scream therapy.
It's what?
It.. Janov.
He was big in the '60s,
it was all about
finding your primal scream
and releasing it into the world.
Jesus.
Yeah, and apparently this is,
like, her niche, you know.
So, which means
this is not going to stop.
- Hello?
- Yeah, sorry. I just..
It's not his personality.
I think that's what bugged me.
What?
About Judy, she, she was acting
like I'd failed to mention
some deep-seated part of him,
and it's like..
Yeah, he likes fairy tales
but maybe that's not the most
critical thing worth mentioning.
He knows all 50 states,
he's already started reading.
How many kids his age
are reading?
Hey, Ally, Ally,
okay, I love you
but I think
that you're fixating.
No, I'm not fixating! I just
think he should get a clean slate.
I don't wanna send him off
to kindergarten labeled as --
I don't think anyone's
trying to label him.
You know, Ally, Judy loves Jake.
Judy loves you.
She's on your side, all right?
She's not, you know,
your mother.
Hey.
Hey, I was kidding.
No, it's fine. Um..
Ally..
Look, I gotta go. Uh..
Uh -- uh, I love you.
Nipples?
I wanna touch your nipple.
What if we pitched it like..
...Jake is not limited
to trucks, or whatever.
Uh, he likes
all sorts of toys and games.
Equal opportunity.
Yeah. "Our son, he walks
into a Toys"R"Us
"and he does not discriminate
on the basis of perceived
gender norms."
That's actually not that bad.
But that's just an idea.
We don't have to..
Oh, my God.
Ally..
What's wrong?
Whoa, whoa.
You're not happy?
- No, no, of course, I'm happy.
- Hey, hey.
I just don't..
I don't want to assume.
No. Of course not.
And we won't.
But with Jake,
everything was fine.
It's not a pattern.
No, it's just, I, I..
I -- I guess I didn't think
it would happen so fast.
Well, I am sorry
that I'm so damn virile.
I don't -- I don't know
what else to say
besides that, though,
I am sorry.
All right, slow down there.
Bye.. Thank you.
This is a very dressed-up dress.
We believe it's our job
to harness every student's
unique potential.
Nurturing
intellectual curiosity.
Critical thinking.
Problem-solving.
Artistic expression.
Jake! Breakfast!
Socks make my feet sticky!
Hey, buddy.
We're running late.
We do give priority to siblings.
My wife is on a ton of boards.
I don't know
if that's helpful, or..
You know,
it's impossible to predict
but on average,
it's approximately 400.
Six hundred.
Nine hundred.
Thirty-six thousand children
applied for a spot
in one of the city's
magnet programs last year.
In a few weeks, we'll visit
some new schools.
And you'll play with some kids
and meet some teachers
and you should just be yourself.
And that's all
that matters, okay?
So it's no big deal at all.
- Yeah.
- No biggie.
You can have a fruit roll-up
later, if you want.
- Yeah.
- Except they're kinda sticky.
Hello?
Wheeler, yeah.
W-H-E-E-L-E-R.
And my son is Jake.
Preschools will receive feedback
in December.
Of course, we wish we had room
for all your little angels.
But the numbers
are what they are.
The numbers are what they are.
The numbers are what they are.
Ooh, look at that.
What is that?
- Is that for us?
- Yes!
No, I did that.
Uh, Le -- let me try.
- That's what I clicked on.
- No.
I think it's
the one under there.
- I don't know.
- I can't deal with this..
There.
Right?
I mean, it's insane!
Between the down-regs
and the stims
trigger shots, blood samples
not to mention anesthetic
for egg retrieval.
All in all,
you're probably stabbed
about 75 times per cycle.
And most of the stabbing,
you're doing to yourself.
I had this whole kit
at the office.
They say if you're squeamish
about needles
IVF will either cure you
or break you.
I, actually..
That doesn't bother you?
- You mean..
- The banshee next door.
What about Ben?
What about him?
Was he supportive?
Just.. In all this.
We've got a few minutes.
He'd call the office.
Constantly checking in.
You know, he'd e-mail me
these fertility blogs.
What to eat, what not to eat.
That sounds like
a lot of pressure.
You have kids?
Yeah. One.
It's like when guys say,
"We're pregnant!"
You know?
Like, wow! Equality, great!
But actually you're not,
so maybe you could just..
...fuck off a little bit?
Ally, come on,
you're being ridiculous.
I'm fine.
You've got clients.
So, what?
So, I'll reschedule.
It's his first interview.
This is important.
- He's gonna be nervous.
- Exactly.
You know, I'm sorry,
but what happens
if you puke on the train?
You think that's gonna put him
in a good mood?
All right, Th -- there's
some apple slices
with peanut butter
in the kitchen.
Make sure he eats on the way.
Yeah, but "The Little Mermaid's"
my favorite movie.
Mm-hmm.
- Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
Hey, Jake, let's go over here.
First time?
Yeah.
At our last one,
they left the door open
so I could peek in.
And I saw my son
was drawing a picture
and I thought, "That's good,
that's good," right?
So the teacher comes over
and says, "Hey, what's that?"
And he said, "A gun."
Well, he can't fix America, huh?
No, he can't.
Mr. Wheeler?
Can I have a word with you?
Alexandra, it's your mother.
I haven't heard from you
in over a week.
Call me old-fashioned,
but I don't think
a simple phone call
is so much to ask.
An emoji does not count.
In any case, listen,
I just talked to your brother
and Kimmie's got
a piano recital on the 11th.
I don't know if you've
heard her play recently
but she's really getting
very good.
It's amazing, frankly,
the discipline at her age.
I thought it might be nice
for Jake to see.
It might inspire him.
Who knows?
Oh, have you set a date
for his birthday party yet?
I don't want a situation
like last year.
It really broke my heart.
So call me, I'm at the office.
Be here all day.
Remember what that's like?
Of course, it's ridiculous.
- I'm not saying it's not.
- I think "Abusive" was the word you used.
You said whoever had the bright
idea to evaluate toddlers
using test scores deserves
a special place in hell.
But he got a 96!
Ou -- out of 100?
Yeah, well, I mean,
it's percentile
so you can't get higher than 99.
- What is all this?
- Look, look. Okay, look.
- So they break it down. Right?
- Mm-hmm.
There's verbal ability,
spatial relations.
- Fine motor skills.
- Fine motor skills?
Yeah, like how he holds
a pencil.
And I was worried about that too
'cause he's left-handed,
which, I mean, obviously
they can't discriminate,
but his form --
- You are out of your mind.
- Okay, okay, look.
Lo -- look at the narrative.
- "Jake was enthusiastic and curious..
- Enthusiastic.
"And proved remarkably focused
on the task at hand.
"With a keen eye,
he was able to group pictures
"based on common properties
copying several rows of symbols
- to match a code."
- What the fuck!
But it's like shapes and things,
relax. Okay.
Wait, wait, wait,
this is my favorite part.
"Using an unconventional
"but still effective
left-handed grip.
A delight to work with."
What's wrong?
I -- I don't understand.
I guess Jake had made friends
with one of the girls
in his group
and one of the boys overheard
what they were talking about.
And, uh, that boy
told some other boy
who told some other boy,
who started teasing Jake.
- What were they saying?
- I don't know.
But apparently before
the teacher could intervene
things got physical.
They started shoving each other.
- I think Jake fell down.
- Jesus.
Yeah, and then
I guess Jake shoved
the other kid back, I..
And then I guess
he started crying.
But -- but did you tell them
he's not like that?
When has he ever shoved anyone?
They knew that he was
being teased, okay?
The man was really nice
about it. I..
I actually think he was
a little embarrassed.
- Why?
- Well..
He kept dancing around
what had happened
talking about
Jake's creative role-play
or whatever, and then suddenly,
I realized
Oh, God, this guy
doesn't know how to tell me
that my son was
uh, well, he was the
Little Mermaid, it turns out.
Damn this thing.
Anyway, once it was over,
the teacher
she sat both of them down.
They had a talk about
respectful behavior.
And, uh, she encouraged
Jake to use
his words if he was angry.
He couldn't talk.
- No, I guess not.
- No, no, no.
I -- I mean, the Little Mermaid
loses her voice.
She can't talk
for, like, half the movie.
Y -- you never thought of that?
Well, are you mad at me?
Well..
Now they're gonna think
he's got anger issues
or doesn't know
how to communicate his feelings.
I should have taken him.
- Well, thanks.
- No, I -- I'm not saying it's your fault.
- 'Cause it's not.
- Well, it's a red flag.
Okay? Uh, they're looking
for anything.
Shit.
Now, somehow, I was a little
more concerned about Jake
than how it might
affect his chances.
- Excuse me?
- I just..
Maybe we've got things
a little backwards here.
Hey, hey, that is not fair.
Being concerned for his chances
is being concerned for Jake.
Yeah, I realized that.
And frankly, if you're
worried about him
being teased at Sibley Hall
maybe you ought to think about
what it'd be like for him
some place where
the teacher's got 40 kids
crammed into a class
half the size.
You think this won't
happen again?
Okay, fine.
So don't tell me
I'm not concerned about Jake.
I mean..
Okay, I'm not a crazy mom, Alex.
I don't want to hoard him.
I want him to have
his father in his life
but he needs routine right now.
- It's so important at this age.
- Of course.
I mean, honestly,
I shouldn't even complain.
It's..
It's a good thing that he wants
to be involved. I just..
I honestly think sometimes
it's the lawyers
that make it all impossible.
- No offense.
- No, I'm sure you're right.
- You ladies need any help?
- Yes, I do.
I was looking at
the Power Rangers costumes
and I couldn't see
anything in red.
My son's like... yay high.
We may be sold out
of that color. I can check.
Oh, no, no, you see, it's..
It really has to be red.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
So, what does Jake wanna be? Hm?
Oh, you know Jake.
He has a different idea
every other day.
I'll just grab a few options.
- Yeah, smart.
- Miss?
Oh, my God, my hero!
Yes! You found it!
Hey, Teresa, can you do a price check
on baby Frankenstein kit. Thanks.
Maybe we should explain to him
why Rapunzel's not a good idea.
I just think..
What if someone says something?
Or even a funny look?
I know.
It is our job to protect him.
Meredith?
You really don't have to stay.
There's a good chance
he'll just forget.
Why?
Why can't I be Rapunzel?
Did you see the pirate?
It's awesome.
- It's got these tassels.
- No! No!
Hey, buddy, come on.
Mommy's trying really hard..
Jake. You haven't even looked.
You promised me!
- Trick or treat!
- Trick or treat.
I hate you!
Jake, I need you to calm down.
- Your ideas are lazy!
- Just calm down for one second.
Happy Halloween.
I want! I want!
I want! I want!
No.
He was Ben.
He just had the face of the man
from the bodega.
Like the man from the bodega
was playing Ben in my dream.
Okay.
And we get to the top
of the mountain
and the snaps on my pack pop off
and all of my gear
just falls off.
Just rolling down this ravine.
And I'm watching it go,
and I know this is bad
but for some reason
I just start laughing.
So I guess I'm wondering,
what does that mean?
- Well, that depends.
- Yeah, I know.
I'm just wondering
what you think it means.
I mean,
just give me your two cents.
I mean,
isn't that why we're here?
I think that's less important
than your own --
Oh, my God. I'm sorry,
are you always like this?
Or just here?
I'm sorry. I think we should end
early today.
You're allowed to feel
frustrated.
Yeah, I know I'm allowed.
With me, I mean.
What am I... like?
Switzerland.
That's what Ben and I...
call you.
'Cause when I
first started coming
he would always ask me
whose side you were on.
I told him..
...you don't like taking sides.
Whoa! Slow down, boys.
- Greg! Nice to see you.
- Oh, hey. Hi.
I just.. I -- I got here
early today
so I figured I would just
I don't know, check in and see
if there were any updates.
The truth is, I haven't talked
to Bethany this week
but we spoke on Friday,
and she said
that Jake had actually been
a little better.
"Better?"
I -- I just meant the schools.
Oh.
Uh, wha -- what's up
with Bethany?
No, there were, oh
one or two incidents in class.
I spoke with Alex about it
briefly, over the phone.
She didn't tell me.
Oh, here, honey. Come on in.
It was nothing serious.
He's always liked doing things
his own way, you know that.
Yes.
But lately, according to Bethany
he's been a little more..
...obsessive?
Refusing to leave
the dress-up corner
when it's time to move on
to something else.
He'll act out the, uh
what do you call it,
the, the "Stroke Of Midnight"
over and over again.
- Right. Right.
- "Bong, bong, bong."
Yeah, "Wait, come back.
I don't even know your name."
- Ha-ha.
- Exactly.
Alex says he's been fine
at home.
No, no, no, he's just, it's..
He's been a handful lately.
It's, it's normal stuff.
Alex thinks..
...that maybe
we need to set, uh..
...better boundaries.
So that Jake can learn
a little more self-control.
Do you agree?
It's just that I also know
that she's not..
She's not totally herself
right now.
And I don't blame her, you know
she's scheduling everything,
the interviews, the tours.
For a while there, she was
nauseous every other morning.
She's been sick?
Oh, shit.
- Please don't tell anyone.
- I won't, I won't.
Uh, we're not telling anyone
till we're past 13 weeks.
You know, she told people sooner
last time, and then when we lost --
I know how hard she took it.
I just know how much she
respects you. She always has.
And I was thinking,
if you do talk to her
that maybe... you could try
to reassure her
that nothing's wrong.
Just that things
are gonna be okay.
I'd like to show you something.
If you have a minute?
He did these last Thursday.
I was going to show Alex,
but as long as you're here..
Jake did these?
Mm-hmm.
They don't,
they don't look like his.
I mean, I -- I get it.
That's..
That's a lot of blood.
Well, the blood's one thing.
A lot of children
are fascinated by it.
And justifiably so.
But sometimes artwork like this
can be an opportunity.
It can help us understand
something a child
might be having difficulty
communicating.
Do you ever see children,
in your practice?
No. Couples occasionally,
but mostly individuals. Why?
I guess it's beside the point.
I was, uh..
...just curious if Jake has
you know, ever expressed concern
to either of you
about his gender.
No.
I mean, I don't think so.
I mean, there's a curiosity,
maybe.
Um, he asked once,
we were having dinner
and he asked why boys
can't wear skirts.
You know, 'cause girls
can wear pants.
What'd you tell him?
We told him the truth,
I guess, which is..
...there is no good reason,
really.
But then,
I -- I mentioned that, um
in Scotland men wear kilts
which are kind of like skirts.
We Google-imaged kilts,
looked at some pictures.
He wasn't very impressed.
So you didn't tell him
there are men
who do wear dresses
in our culture?
You talk to Judy at all?
Recently?
Week before last maybe.
Why?
I was just wondering if we might
wanna bring Jake to see someone.
- A professional.
- Why?
It's a lot of change,
all at once. You know?
- He's visited a bunch of schools.
- Right.
I mean, and if he's already
having trouble regulating
his, you know, I mean..
Maybe it could be helpful.
You don't think that might
make things worse?
How?
I don't know. He's only four.
We put him in therapy,
and then there's a..
Suddenly, there's a stranger
asking all these questions --
You know that's not
how it works.
But what if he starts thinking
there's something wrong with him?
That's not what I'm saying.
No, I know it's not.
But, you know, it's..
I don't know, it's,
it's the message he might get.
Kids are moody.
He'll be fine.
Okay, I think it's time
that we clean all this up
and get ready to go home.
Jake, I'd like you to come out
and help us, please.
No.
I really, really, really
need your help to clean up
because we're getting ready
to go home.
Jake, I'd like you to come out
and help us clean this up.
Please?
You need help in there?
Sandra.
Hi, it's -- it's Greg Wheeler.
I -- I thought we were scheduled
for 2 p.m. today.
Um, maybe you're on your way,
or maybe something came up.
Anyway, uh, call me back so we can
reschedule, if -- if we need to.
Here you go, bud.
- Working on your states again?
- Yeah.
Oh, I bet that's your grandma.
Oh, Catherine!
You are a lifesaver!
I'm so sorry.
We had a sitter lined up.
She's very reliable.
I have no idea
what happened this time.
Well, I don't know why
you would pay anyone.
I've told Alex a thousand times
I'm happy to have my time
with him.
That's very sweet.
We just.. We know that
you're busy and we..
- We wanted to --
- Hi, honey.
Oh, I ran into Simon Weingold.
He was asking after you.
Said they're missing you
terribly.
Aww, that's nice of him.
And I said with Jake in school
next year
you're gonna have a lot
more time on your hands.
Uh, Jake?
- Come say hi to Nana!
- I still need Montana.
Honey, no time to
curl your hair?
How often do you go out,
for goodness sakes?
Well, wear it behind
if you can't.. Yeah.
Oh, what have we got here?
Uh, that's from the dress-up
corner at Jake's school.
- Let me see it.
- His teacher let him take it.
Oh. Oh, no need to explain,
I do read "The New York Times."
God forbid anything
should be off-limits.
So, um --
Where is my favorite grandson?
His dinner's ready
in the fridge.
Just zap it in the microwave,
two, three minutes.
Set the timer
and it goes automatically.
Remember, keep it behind.
Yeah, I have used
a microwave before.
Oh, and the super's
right downstairs.
If you -- you need anything,
just knock.
He stays there,
he's almost always home.
I did raise two of my own,
you remember that, don't you?
- Very true.
- Thank you.
Okay. Put a brush through
your hair, honey, really.
- Thank you again. Love you.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Here I come! Ready or not!
Yeah, marketing's gotta be
fascinating in that way.
Just the whole "Trying to get
inside peoples' heads."
It must be such
a creative challenge.
You know, it is not about
being creative.
That's what people don't get.
- Well, I think you're creative.
- Thank you.
But you gotta understand
people are up against
so many goddamn options.
- You want some more?
- For everything. Right?
I mean, you walk into a market,
you see like
twenty different kinds of water,
for Christ sake.
I mean..
So the best marketing strategy
is not about being creative.
- I'm not gonna..
- No, no, no, no.
It's about being direct.
It's about being simple.
And ultimately, people..
And, look, I'll just say this.
I'm sorry.
Especially women..
...they wanna be told
what to do.
No, we don't.
I call complete bullshit
on that.
- It's not bullshit.
- So much bullshit.
Can I get anyone another round?
Yeah, I'd love another drink.
Uh..
I'm sorry.
What is your favorite
specialty cocktail?
Ah! Case in point.
No, that's not what I'm doing.
I'm asking her opinion.
I really like
the elderflower Saketini.
- I can't hear you.
- Um, yeah, sure. I'll have one of those.
- Thank you.
- What's going on?
I -- I'm so sorry.
He what?
- I'll be back.
- Yeah. Okay.
Calm down.
No, no, no, I understand.
What happened?
- He threw Cinderella at her.
- What?
The figurine.
Look.. Look, just -- just
put him on the phone, okay?
I wanna talk to him.
Yeah, well, tell him
if he doesn't stop now
we're canceling his
birthday party.
- I'm -- I'm serious.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Wait. Wait a minute.
Let me talk to her.
Let me talk to her.
Come here.
Hey.
Hi, Cate. It's Greg.
I'm so sorry.
Do you need us to come home?
- That's exactly what he wants!
- What's that?
No, I know.
No, we'll leave the phone on
so you co..
Right. Okay, well.. Bye.
I mean, he's not an idiot.
He knows what he's doing.
Well, yeah. I mean, honestly,
if you're upset about it
you might consider
listening to me
and maybe we should bring him
to see someone.
Okay.
Can we not do this right now?
He just assaulted
his grandmother.
Well, she's probably
exaggerating.
Oh, and you threaten to cancel
his birthday party
because she's probably
exaggerating?
Greg, I was setting a boundary.
That's allowed.
Yeah, it is, but don't flip it
around and try to minimize it.
If he's acting out,
he's acting out.
Greg, he's a kid.
God forbid, he should be a
little more aggressive than you.
- I'm so sorry, guys.
- Oh, of course.
- Is everything okay?
- Oh, y -- you know.
He's just punishing us
for having a night out.
You know, maybe I should go.
- Greg, we offered.
- I know.
But I just think that
if one of us was there --
We can't just upend our plans
every time he's in a mood.
- Where's the lesson in that?
- Fine. You're the boss.
Here you are, miss.
The elderflower Saketini.
Thank you.
Perfect timing.
- Cheers to grown-up time.
- Cheers.
So, Caitlyn Jenner.
- Is she a lesbian now or what?
- What?
Well, okay, so I was listening
to this interview
where, um, he, she, uh, yeah,
Ms. Jenner, uh, she said that
she was still attracted
to women.
And, you know,
even though now she's a..
So I was just wondering,
is she.. What is she now?
- Is she a lesbian or what?
- I'm sorry.
- How did we get onto..
- I know.
It was just.. I have no idea.
It just, you know,
he watches so much TV.
I was just reminded of it
because when you were outside
we were talking
about your son, and..
I, I was just explaining that..
I was just saying it's hard,
you know?
Admissions time, kindergarten.
It's so hard for,
for a child, you know, who..
- Who, who what?
- Who just..
Who has a unique expression.
Alex --
Listen, hey, you know,
my brother, Mikey
when he was a kid,
he was obsessed with that
uh, that, that game
Pretty Pretty Princess.
And, you know, you cut to, uh,
freshman year of college
and he's on the football team.
Two hundred pounds,
six-foot-three.
So it just goes to show --
I'm not sure I follow.
I'm just saying that you,
you may..
You, you probably don't need,
need to worry.
- That's all.
- No one's worried.
That's not what he meant.
Well, that's not exactly true.
I'm a little worried.
And so are his teachers --
All right, you know what?
Amal, let me ask you something.
You took Sanjay to see
a therapist last year, right?
- Greg.
- I'm sorry.
Is that a taboo subject?
I just.. We're all friends here.
I think you've had
a little too much to drink.
I just am curious about
your experience as a parent.
And it's fine.
Well, with the divorce
we wanted to be safe.
- So I took him to a therapist.
- Thank you.
Okay. Well, that was
a very different situation.
How is that different?
Because with Sanjay there
was an obvious problem.
- What do you mean by that?
- No, not, not problem. I..
- Right.
- No, no, no. I just meant..
You know,
there was something external.
- Not just how he likes to play.
- I think we should just..
I really think we should just
drop this right now.
It's more than
how he likes to play.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means --
What?
What were you gonna say?
- We can talk about it later.
- No. What?
Let's have it.
What were you gonna say?
We're all friends, right?
Fine.
Uh, I was giving Jake a bath
the other night
and he tucked his penis
between his legs, okay?
All boys do that.
Right?
- Well, not really.
- Sure.
Oh, come on.
You're saying Sanjay's never..
- No.
- Okay.
You're saying
he's done this before?
Well, it's bath time.
What am I supposed to say, "No?"
Clearly, you're the one
who had a problem with it.
I didn't say
I had a problem with it.
I said that there are people
who specialize
in exactly this type
of behavior.
Frankly, I'm not sure what
Jake needs right now
is one more adult in his life
gossiping behind his back.
Oh, my --
Trying to come up
with some sort of diagnosis.
No one was gossiping, Alex!
You need to really stop it.
It's just..
Hey, can I interest anyone
in some dessert?
We're good.
Just, just the check.
Okay. You can just take
a seat back there.
- How much have I gained?
- Three pounds since last time.
So a total of almost five.
I feel like with my son
it was more.
Yeah, it varies.
But it's definitely within
the normal range.
And your iron was
a little low last time.
I'm taking the supplement
he recommended.
Take a deep breath.
Okay.
Just breathe.
Hey! Hi, Kimmie.
Good Lord!
That is almost as big as Jake!
Yeah.
Well, I kept the receipt.
I know he's particular.
- You guys know Amal.
- Nice to see you. How are you?
Oh, my goodness gracious.
- Hi, Mom. Hi.
- Oh, hi, honey.
Don't you look nice.
- Who was, uh..
- Hi, Kimmie.
How are you doing?
Kimmie, we don't run inside!
Can I hold it?
- Everybody, it's for Jake.
- Let me see it.
It's his present, his birthday.
Thank you.
You need some help, sweetheart?
- No, I'm almost done.
- Ah.
My daughter, the baker.
You know,
I wish you wouldn't do that.
What?
Like all this is just
a waste of time.
I wasn't..
I, I just meant
you didn't learn that from me.
Stop it!
Hey! Stop it! Sanjay!
- What is the matter with you, baby?
- What happened?
Sanjay pushed Bobby.
He started it, because
Bobby called Jake a flag.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Flag?
- Jake, honey?
- Hey, Mom. No, no, no, no.
I -- I got it. I got it.
Hey.
Hey, you okay?
It's almost time to make a wish.
Babe, come on.
Honey.
Honey, talk to me.
Please?
You know, it's just..
- Excuse me one moment.
- Sure.
Laurel, it's gotta stop.
I -- I know that
you're with a client right now
and I really hate to interrupt,
but this is --
I'm not with a client.
W -- what?
I said, I'm not with a client.
You seem angry.
Is there something
you need to release?
We'll talk to you next week.
Thank you so much.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Right on time.
Got some good news for us?
Come on in.
Okay, but this is
preliminary feedback, right?
They haven't made
their decisions.
That's true.
So is there any chance one could
still end up accepting him?
It's possible,
but I have to be honest.
At this point, it's unlikely it
would come with financial aid.
What about, uh, the magnets?
Uh, BSI? PS 20?
We'll know more in a few weeks.
But his scores were so high.
They're very strong
but the cut-offs go up
every year.
There's just too much demand.
So, you're saying he could be
shut out everywhere?
I'm saying
we need to be prepared.
You know what?
This is a numbers game.
We knew this.
We went to public school.
- We turned out okay, right?
- Mm-hmm.
Remember, he could also do
another year with us.
Reapply next fall.
I know it's not ideal,
but under the circumstances
I think it might be
the best thing for him.
- What do you mean?
- She's just --
I mean, if the gifted
programs don't work --
No, but, but what circumstances?
Look, there is no question
he's bright.
He's creative. That comes across
in all of the feedback.
But several places also note
that he gets stubborn
and defensive
when dealing with other kids.
Frankly, you two are very lucky
to be raising a kid like Jake
now instead of 50 years ago,
even 20 years ago.
What exactly does that mean?
"A kid like Jake?"
Okay, you know, I think
we're getting off topic --
Alex, I'm very sorry
that this isn't the news
we were hoping for,
but you have to understand
the number of spots
we're talking about --
Of course, and -- and -- and
I know how many kids
you have to place.
Whoa. I'm not sure
what you're implying here
but you know that
I care very deeply about Jake.
Which is why
I'm doing everything in my power
to place him somewhere
where he feels safe
and comfortable enough to --
- To dress like a girl.
- Okay.
I mean, that -- that's obviously
what you're saying
and maybe the problem is that we
all started pitching him as --
Alex, he had no idea
what was in that essay.
It doesn't matter!
Obviously it's going
to affect the way that people --
I'm talking about him feeling
safe and respected.
Yes, but isn't there
a danger of imposing --
Imposing what exactly?
No, not, not, not imposing.
That -- that was, that..
Greg.
Alex, do you think
my sexual orientation
has anything to do with
my advice regarding your son?
- What?
- Judy, of course not.
Because every time
I try to bring up my concerns
you respond like I'm pushing
some political agenda.
And let me tell you
the impulse to embrace children
as they are is not an agenda.
No, I -- I never --
And like it or not, you two have
some choices to make here.
There's a problem.
If you don't believe me,
just read the feedback yourself.
He's acting out.
Verbally. Physically.
Yes, and, maybe..
Maybe he's sick of us
of us pushing him
into this, this role.
Alex, you can't expect him
to never realize he's different.
No, but I can wait
until he tells me himself --
But it sounds like he's trying
but you're just determined
to ignore it.
- I am not ignoring it!
- Okay.
- Jesus!
- Okay. Okay.
Maybe if you'd ever had
your own kids..
You know what?
We're done. Okay?
And I'll come grab him.
Um, I guess I'll just..
I'll text you when we're..
No, no, everything's fine.
He's..
Um, it's, it'll be fine.
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
Bye.
You should lie down.
Here.
Come on.
I think you should leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
We don't have to talk
but I'm not leaving you alone
right now.
I don't think I can not talk.
If you're here,
I, I don't think I can..
...not say something.
Something mean.
I'm very angry.
I understand.
I'm angry at you, Greg.
You should have said something.
To Judy. She was out of line.
And -- and -- and
you just sat there.
We're not gonna have this
conversation right now.
Yes, please tell me
what conversations --
Alex, if you need
to be mad at me, that's fine
but I am not going to fight.
That's --
You should have said something.
Well, frankly,
I could barely get a word in.
I was trying to keep things
from escalating.
Right. Right.
God forbid anyone gets angry.
God forbid
you ever piss someone off.
All right, this is ridiculous.
You're in shock.
- And we're both grieving.
- Oh, thank you. I'd forgotten.
You know, trying to make me
feel as much pain as you do --
That is not what I'm doing.
Of course it is,
maybe not consciously.
- But that's definitely --
- Oh, my God!
Things I could do without.
Number one,
the fucking unconscious.
Please, please, spare me that.
Fine. Let's blame Freud, right?
It's Freud's fault
you miscarried.
Oh, I miscarried?
No, that is not what I..
You think if I'd just taken
better care of myself?
Would you please --
If -- if -- if -- if, if I hadn't
overburdened myself
Stop. Stop. Stop.
With Jake's applications?
If -- if -- if I had let you call
an ambulance
Instead of taking a cab
maybe we would have
gotten there sooner?
Yeah, well,
now we'll never know, will we?
Ally, I'm sorry.
- You're an asshole.
- Jesus.
This is hard for me too.
Is that impossible for you
to understand.
I needed help, Greg
and you just sat there.
Like, like you were embarrassed.
- Do you have any idea --
- Okay, I'm not gonna do this.
What.. Where're you going?
Greg!
Greg, you can't just walk away
in the middle --
In the middle of what?
An argument?
This is not an argument.
This is you shitting on me.
So I'm gonna go pick up Jake
and I'm gonna take him out,
and when I get back
I hope that you're in bed
'cause frankly, he doesn't need
to see you like this.
Fine. Fine.
Yeah, go take him out
for ice cream.
And when you're done, why don't you
both get your nails done, huh?
I mean, why not?
It's not like you've ever
taken him to a park
or thrown a ball
in his direction.
That's a disgusting thing
to say.
You think it's my fault
he likes dresses?
No, you think
I'm too effete a role model?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Greg, that's, that's not --
Did you listen to the feedback?
"Stubborn? Defensive?"
Did that not remind you
of anyone?
Not to mention
you're the one reading him
fairy tales every night,
you're the one buying him
every Disney princess DVD
you can get your hands on
and then, freaking out
when people start to notice.
I mean, is it any wonder
he's confused?
You know, maybe the reason
I didn't say anything to Judy
is because I agree with her.
And I think we need
to make some choices
about how to address
the situation.
Fine. You know, bring, bring him
to a shrink.
What do I know, right?
I'm just the one
at home with him.
- All day, every day. What?
- Oh, for God's sake!
You get to have a life outside
this apartment. I gave that up.
Do you wanna go back
to work? Do it!
- No one's stopping you.
- No. No.
I made a choice to be here
because I wanted him to have
a mother who's devoted --
And because you hated
being a lawyer!
Christ! Don't pretend like you
weren't desperate to get out.
This is what you wanted.
So, I'm sorry
if motherhood turns out to be
just another disappointment,
but I am his father.
I live here too,
and I'm sick of being treated
like you're raising him alone.
Jake is not a disappointment.
I said motherhood, not Jake.
This is so..
I'm s -- sorry, okay?
I'm sorry
for making you so unhappy.
I'm -- I'm sorry
for taking you for granted.
I'm -- I'm sorry
for all the ways
I've fucked things up with Jake.
- Ally.
- I am. I am.
- I'm sorry about the baby.
- No.
For whatever I did wrong.
I am not asking you
to apologize.
Just please, please,
let's just stop.
It's Judy.
She called before
at the hospital.
Just wanted to make sure
everything was okay.
Well, it's not.
What do you think
is holding you back?
I mean, like I said it's stupid.
It's just a signature.
It's not like
it changes anything.
I mean, his stuff's
already gone.
The financials
are straightforward.
There's no custody battle.
Silver linings, right?
You know..
...you never really
talked about that.
What?
Well..
...kids.
There's not much to talk about.
We talked about IVF..
...and how hard that was,
on both of you.
But I don't think you ever
mentioned the decision to stop.
Does that matter?
At this point?
I think it might.
Just, just my two cents.
Well, it was always part
of the plan, I guess.
And when it didn't happen
right away..
...we both kept assuming
with all the options..
...the next one.
This'll be the one.
Then the one after that..
...and the one after that
and then, at a certain point..
...I think
we both just realized..
We were eating take-out
one night
and he looked at me
and said..
"...We're done, aren't we?"
I guess we were.
And how did you feel?
Honestly?
I felt relieved.
I knew how much Ben wanted it.
I knew it was what
I should want.
But..
I don't know.
I thought..
Ah, thank God.
You didn't think
you could tell him?
I think he knew.
It's so quiet in here.
Uh, Dr. Hendricks
decided to relocate.
I miss the banshee.
Okay.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Judy, I..
It's really good to see you.
You -- you try..
You try so hard to protect them,
but..
It's never gonna be easy
to really see people.
Especially the ones we love.
- Hon?
- In here.
- Alex. Hi.
- Hey, Lynn.
Hey.
- I am gonna go get changed.
- Okay.
She hates my guts, doesn't she?
She'll get over it.
Ah! What's the matter with you?
This is a child.
Get off that bike.
You're not in control!
If I ever see you on a bike
without a helmet
it will not be
a pretty picture, okay?
Can't sleep?
I've noticed some things
about this movie.
Things that don't make sense.
Because the idea is that
Cinderella is this abused
servant girl, right?
But she's got an entourage
of animals
waiting on her hand
and foot and..
They bathe her, they dress her.
Honestly,
she's not doing too bad.
It's a good school.
I think he'll be happy.
You know, when he was a baby
I was so convinced
he knew things.
I would look at him
and wish so badly he could talk
'cause I was sure
he wanted to tell me.
He's got time.
Maybe he'll come around.
Come to bed?
Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler?
Come on in.
Do you know what I've been
meaning to ask you about?
Which one is Aurora again?
- Aurora?
- Yeah.
That's who you dressed up as,
isn't it?
- Aurora's Sleeping Beauty.
- That's right.
Oh, yes, and they have
those three little fairies
that travel --
And they take her to a cottage
and then she doesn't know
she's a princess.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then they have pumpkins they're like..
Yeah. That makes sense.
I'd like to run,
I'd like to run some more.
Ready, ready?
One, two, three. Whee!
One, two, three. Whee!
Oops!
Hello? Hello?
Hi.
Mm. How late can we go?
- I don't know.
- Do we have to go?
- No.
- Oh!
You're lying.
I am.
I am.
Monster bubbles!
I think he wants you.
That's funny.
It's like she has a mustache
right under her nose.
- She does?
- Yeah.
It's just really big lips.
- Greg.
- Tom.
- I wanted to say congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Only ten years of purgatory, right?
- Right.
- My brother-in-law, Greg.
- Hi.
- Hi. Nice to see you.
I think Jake's, like, twice
the size he was at Christmas.
Oh, yeah. You know, we should
really stop feeding him.
Come on. Enjoy yourself.
Corinne, my daughter, Alex.
- Hi, nice to meet you --
- Hi.
She worked with Paul Shuster
from the public
defenders office.
You remember Paul?
And it turns out before that
she and your brother
overlapped at Fordham
but they never met.
Oh. How funny.
You must be so proud.
I heard
he's the youngest partner
in the firm's history.
Well, he's always been driven.
What can I say?
And you're an attorney, as well?
Uh, no. I'm.. I mean, I was
but I stopped practicing
when I had my son.
Thank God for
the women's movement.
She'll go back, trust me.
- Oh. Is this you?
- Oh, Jesus.
What? It's adorable.
Oh, she was so good.
Now, if she had stuck to it,
can you imagine?
She's got the natural pose,
the natural arch.
Look at that, slim legs.
Everything she needed.
Gave up. What can you do?
You can't push, push, push.
You gotta let go, right?
Right?
She's humble. Ha!
Where'd she get that?
Thank you.
And where are you guys applying?
- Oh, boy.
- What?
Well, we loved our local
public school
but it just got rezoned.
- No!
- It'll, it'll be fine.
The whole reason we moved,
and now they won't let us send him.
I swear, if Pembroke
hadn't discovered
that Kimmie had perfect pitch
halfway through her interview
which, mind you,
we didn't even know..
I -- I mean, just forget it!
Dizzy!
- Dizzy.
- Oh!
- Wait. Come back!
- But I must go.
Please don't go.
That's when you say,
"I don't even know your name."
But I do know your name.
That's not how it goes.
Well, maybe Mommy
was improvising!
Maybe she was improvising!
My sister-in-law comes
from serious money.
I swear, all she does
is shop for the kid.
Meanwhile, I'm lucky
if I can get Jake
out of his pajama bottoms
half the time.
He likes to be comfortable.
Hell, I'd do the same thing
if I could get away with it.
You think the other parents
would mind?
Their preschool director
in a track suit?
You would look hot
in a track suit.
You are such a liar.
But I, you know, is that
even what I want for Jake?
A private school
full of Kimmies?
Even if we could afford it,
which we can't --
Honey, honey.
We're just talkin' options
right now. Casting a wide net.
- Here you go, ladies.
- Thank you.
- Unh-unh-unh! I got this.
- No, no.
Okay? You just get me the essay
by Thursday. No excuses.
Sandra?
- Mm-hmm.
- Come on back.
I should probably warn you,
I'm not sure I buy it.
This.. I mean, it was,
um, Ben's idea.
Ben's my husband.
For now.
How long ago did he move out?
Six days ago.
Yeah, he found
a temporary place.
He says he'll do
marriage counseling.
But only if I..
...work on me first.
Suddenly, he's Dr. Phil.
Can I ask, how's this work?
I just sit here and talk and..
It seems like it's important
for you to have a plan.
Is that what I have
to look forward to?
"A rich man's wife became sick.
"And when she felt that
her end was drawing near
"she called her only daughter
to her bedside and said
"'Dear child, remain good.'
"The girl went out to her
mother's grave every day and wept.
"When winter came,
the snow spread
"a white cloth over the grave.
"And when the spring sun
had removed it again
"the man took himself
another wife.
"Times soon grew very bad
"for the poor stepchild.
"'Why should that stupid goose sit
in the parlor with us?' they said.
'Out with this kitchen maid!'"
- Home again, home again.
- There you are.
I stopped by Gristedes.
God, what a zoo!
Oh, thanks. You -- you
didn't have to go tonight.
- Oh, hello, hello, hello.
- Hey.
What is all this?
It's a draft
for the parent essay.
For the private schools.
- Alex --
- I know, I know.
But I had lunch with Judy today
and she thinks we might have
a shot at a scholarship.
Really?
- Here, here, you relax.
- No, no, no, I've got this.
Well, you don't..
You don't think
that's a waste of time?
I mean, you know
it's, it's a long shot
obviously, but --
Right.
I went by the public school
that we are zoned for now
and it's not great, honestly.
The classrooms are overcrowded.
I'm just worried
he could get totally lost.
I -- I know we've always said
we're not those parents.
- But I don't know, maybe?
- Well, we can't afford to be.
- Greg. Greg!
- Relax!
Anyway..
You know, she said we should
at least try a few privates
along with
the magnet programs, so..
I was hoping you could
help me brainstorm.
- Tonight?
- You're so much better at this.
- Well, I'm not better at this than you.
- No, no, no, you are.
- Everything I write sounds so cloying.
- Alex..
Is there a prompt?
Oh, you know.
"How is Jake more special than
all the other hundreds
of thousands --"
Okay, okay.
Is there an actual prompt?
Uh.. Let's see.
All right.
"Imagine someone were to see
a roomful of children playing.
"Ignoring physical attributes
how would they identify
your child?"
You tell 'em about this?
- That is not funny!
- No!
That's exactly the kind of thing
that sounds
like parent bullshit.
But that is not bullshit!
He was hours old!
Developmentally,
babies don't typically
do that for days, at least.
- Yeah.
- He was clearly advanced --
- Oh, be careful, be careful!
- Oh, shit!
What is she doing
on the toaster oven?
She's drying.
Her head broke off.
I guess she fell,
and he came out sobbing
with this decapitated Cinderella
like she'd been guillotined.
- So what, you superglued her?
- Well..
You know, I kept insisting
that she's fine.
I told him that
was another necklace.
Oh.
- He buy that?
- I think?
Mm-hmm.
I've always said
the more attention we pay now
the more we really listen
the more engaged and confident
they'll be.
Not just in school,
but their whole lives.
Which is why it is so important
to create a preschool atmosphere
where children
are encouraged to be
their truest,
most authentic selves.
At this age, that's really
the most important thing.
Yeah, but they're just
playing all day, right?
I mean, basically,
what you've got here
is a, a well-funded playroom.
Well..
Uh, the truth is
uh, creativity and imagination
are both foundational
for all types
of higher learning.
A colleague of mine
wrote a great book
on the subject,
if you're interested.
It's very accessible.
- If it's crap, you can tell me.
- Hush.
It's just so hard
to pitch him --
Oh, trust me, I get it.
I get it.
I am almost..
...done.
Okay.
- My God, your face!
- What?
No -- no. M -- maybe this is
not even worth it.
- Stop. It's terrific.
- Really?
Yes.
There's only one thing --
No, of course.
I mean, you must have notes.
You talk about his imagination,
which is great
since that's really
the best indicator.
Why not use that as a lead-in
to talk a little about
his gender expansive play.
But anecdotes.
So you mean, like..
It could be anything, really.
I was in his classroom
on Tuesday
and he, and Emily, and Michelle
were creating
their own fairy tale
this enchanted forest.
And they'd made trees
out of chairs and pillows
and, and Jake..
Jake was this princess
who didn't know
she was a princess.
And Emily was the witch
who was keeping her locked up
and Michelle was somebody's
helper or something, but..
Anyway, it was really Jake..
...who was the ringleader.
You -- you think talking
about that would..
I -- I mean,
I'm -- I'm sure you're right
I just wanna make sure
that I understand.
Well, for one thing,
someone's gonna read this
and then
they're gonna meet Jake.
And it is always a good sign
when parents seem to really
know their kids
which, of course, you do.
- Right.
- But there's sort of a..
A big part of his personality
that you don't even mention.
Right?
Here's the second thing.
The numbers are ridiculous.
Especially when it
comes to which families
they're gonna help financially.
But what you have to remember is
everybody wants diversity.
Mm-hmm.
Let's be honest, Jake..
...he's, he's very special.
And believe me, this is the part
of my job I hate the most
this, this strategizing.
But I really think that
this is a card you could play.
That's all.
Not to mention, you want him
to be somewhere
he can thrive, right?
And the prince fell..
Standing on..
Look what I made.
I made a base for it.
All right. So it's all about
progression, right?
It's like you have to have
the right story.
So this is my pulled-together
you-don't-have-to-worry-
about-me
because-I'm-a-modern-
independent-working-woman picture.
- Right?
- Mm-hm, very slick.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
And then this one,
which is loving-mommy..
Loving-mommy, yes-I-have-a-kid
and-if-that-freaks-you-out
well-too-bad-'cause-I'm-not-
gonna-apologize-about-it..
You're sort of pimping him out.
- Stop! No, I'm not!
- W -- wait.
Wait. Show him the message.
Sanjay, come on, baby.
It's that time.
We're not done yet.
Right, okay.
"Wowza, Amal.
You are truly an exotic beauty.
"And your English
is so impressive.
"Maybe we could go
for a ride sometime.
No magic carpet here,
but I do have a Prius."
- What is wrong with people?
- Right? I know.
And that's not even
the half of it.
Come on, baby, I'm not..
Where did they..
- Oh, what in the world? I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no.
- I got it. This is all Jake.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Let me take that.
Thank you. Okay, bye.
Sanjay, come on!
Mommy's had a long day.
- He can't, he can't leave.
- I have to do this first.
You really don't think
it's weird?
About Judy?
I don't know.
I mean, she was strategizing,
right?
Yeah, no.
The strategizing, I get.
But the way she was talking
it was just a little..
I don't know.
I mean, he does like to play
dress-up.
That's not news.
Not that I care, obviously
but he's not exactly
Johnny Basketball.
Johnny what?
You know.
That's not an expression.
I know it's not,
I'm just saying.
What's your day like tomorrow?
I have a break around noon.
I go into Legal Aid till 3:00,
then pick up Jake.
- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Laurel! Laurel!
- Hi, Greg.
- Hey, listen, um..
I've been meaning to mention
and maybe
you've already noticed it
but the walls here
are a little..
And I.. Most of my patients,
they're pretty tame.
But you know, if you ever,
if there's a noise issue, or..
Oh! You're so sweet!
I haven't even noticed.
Oh, and I wouldn't want you
to worry about that.
I know, in my own work
how important vocalizing can be.
I find it's so helpful
in releasing
all kinds of emotional build-up.
I'm sure you're familiar
with Arthur Janov?
It's scream therapy.
It's what?
It.. Janov.
He was big in the '60s,
it was all about
finding your primal scream
and releasing it into the world.
Jesus.
Yeah, and apparently this is,
like, her niche, you know.
So, which means
this is not going to stop.
- Hello?
- Yeah, sorry. I just..
It's not his personality.
I think that's what bugged me.
What?
About Judy, she, she was acting
like I'd failed to mention
some deep-seated part of him,
and it's like..
Yeah, he likes fairy tales
but maybe that's not the most
critical thing worth mentioning.
He knows all 50 states,
he's already started reading.
How many kids his age
are reading?
Hey, Ally, Ally,
okay, I love you
but I think
that you're fixating.
No, I'm not fixating! I just
think he should get a clean slate.
I don't wanna send him off
to kindergarten labeled as --
I don't think anyone's
trying to label him.
You know, Ally, Judy loves Jake.
Judy loves you.
She's on your side, all right?
She's not, you know,
your mother.
Hey.
Hey, I was kidding.
No, it's fine. Um..
Ally..
Look, I gotta go. Uh..
Uh -- uh, I love you.
Nipples?
I wanna touch your nipple.
What if we pitched it like..
...Jake is not limited
to trucks, or whatever.
Uh, he likes
all sorts of toys and games.
Equal opportunity.
Yeah. "Our son, he walks
into a Toys"R"Us
"and he does not discriminate
on the basis of perceived
gender norms."
That's actually not that bad.
But that's just an idea.
We don't have to..
Oh, my God.
Ally..
What's wrong?
Whoa, whoa.
You're not happy?
- No, no, of course, I'm happy.
- Hey, hey.
I just don't..
I don't want to assume.
No. Of course not.
And we won't.
But with Jake,
everything was fine.
It's not a pattern.
No, it's just, I, I..
I -- I guess I didn't think
it would happen so fast.
Well, I am sorry
that I'm so damn virile.
I don't -- I don't know
what else to say
besides that, though,
I am sorry.
All right, slow down there.
Bye.. Thank you.
This is a very dressed-up dress.
We believe it's our job
to harness every student's
unique potential.
Nurturing
intellectual curiosity.
Critical thinking.
Problem-solving.
Artistic expression.
Jake! Breakfast!
Socks make my feet sticky!
Hey, buddy.
We're running late.
We do give priority to siblings.
My wife is on a ton of boards.
I don't know
if that's helpful, or..
You know,
it's impossible to predict
but on average,
it's approximately 400.
Six hundred.
Nine hundred.
Thirty-six thousand children
applied for a spot
in one of the city's
magnet programs last year.
In a few weeks, we'll visit
some new schools.
And you'll play with some kids
and meet some teachers
and you should just be yourself.
And that's all
that matters, okay?
So it's no big deal at all.
- Yeah.
- No biggie.
You can have a fruit roll-up
later, if you want.
- Yeah.
- Except they're kinda sticky.
Hello?
Wheeler, yeah.
W-H-E-E-L-E-R.
And my son is Jake.
Preschools will receive feedback
in December.
Of course, we wish we had room
for all your little angels.
But the numbers
are what they are.
The numbers are what they are.
The numbers are what they are.
Ooh, look at that.
What is that?
- Is that for us?
- Yes!
No, I did that.
Uh, Le -- let me try.
- That's what I clicked on.
- No.
I think it's
the one under there.
- I don't know.
- I can't deal with this..
There.
Right?
I mean, it's insane!
Between the down-regs
and the stims
trigger shots, blood samples
not to mention anesthetic
for egg retrieval.
All in all,
you're probably stabbed
about 75 times per cycle.
And most of the stabbing,
you're doing to yourself.
I had this whole kit
at the office.
They say if you're squeamish
about needles
IVF will either cure you
or break you.
I, actually..
That doesn't bother you?
- You mean..
- The banshee next door.
What about Ben?
What about him?
Was he supportive?
Just.. In all this.
We've got a few minutes.
He'd call the office.
Constantly checking in.
You know, he'd e-mail me
these fertility blogs.
What to eat, what not to eat.
That sounds like
a lot of pressure.
You have kids?
Yeah. One.
It's like when guys say,
"We're pregnant!"
You know?
Like, wow! Equality, great!
But actually you're not,
so maybe you could just..
...fuck off a little bit?
Ally, come on,
you're being ridiculous.
I'm fine.
You've got clients.
So, what?
So, I'll reschedule.
It's his first interview.
This is important.
- He's gonna be nervous.
- Exactly.
You know, I'm sorry,
but what happens
if you puke on the train?
You think that's gonna put him
in a good mood?
All right, Th -- there's
some apple slices
with peanut butter
in the kitchen.
Make sure he eats on the way.
Yeah, but "The Little Mermaid's"
my favorite movie.
Mm-hmm.
- Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
Hey, Jake, let's go over here.
First time?
Yeah.
At our last one,
they left the door open
so I could peek in.
And I saw my son
was drawing a picture
and I thought, "That's good,
that's good," right?
So the teacher comes over
and says, "Hey, what's that?"
And he said, "A gun."
Well, he can't fix America, huh?
No, he can't.
Mr. Wheeler?
Can I have a word with you?
Alexandra, it's your mother.
I haven't heard from you
in over a week.
Call me old-fashioned,
but I don't think
a simple phone call
is so much to ask.
An emoji does not count.
In any case, listen,
I just talked to your brother
and Kimmie's got
a piano recital on the 11th.
I don't know if you've
heard her play recently
but she's really getting
very good.
It's amazing, frankly,
the discipline at her age.
I thought it might be nice
for Jake to see.
It might inspire him.
Who knows?
Oh, have you set a date
for his birthday party yet?
I don't want a situation
like last year.
It really broke my heart.
So call me, I'm at the office.
Be here all day.
Remember what that's like?
Of course, it's ridiculous.
- I'm not saying it's not.
- I think "Abusive" was the word you used.
You said whoever had the bright
idea to evaluate toddlers
using test scores deserves
a special place in hell.
But he got a 96!
Ou -- out of 100?
Yeah, well, I mean,
it's percentile
so you can't get higher than 99.
- What is all this?
- Look, look. Okay, look.
- So they break it down. Right?
- Mm-hmm.
There's verbal ability,
spatial relations.
- Fine motor skills.
- Fine motor skills?
Yeah, like how he holds
a pencil.
And I was worried about that too
'cause he's left-handed,
which, I mean, obviously
they can't discriminate,
but his form --
- You are out of your mind.
- Okay, okay, look.
Lo -- look at the narrative.
- "Jake was enthusiastic and curious..
- Enthusiastic.
"And proved remarkably focused
on the task at hand.
"With a keen eye,
he was able to group pictures
"based on common properties
copying several rows of symbols
- to match a code."
- What the fuck!
But it's like shapes and things,
relax. Okay.
Wait, wait, wait,
this is my favorite part.
"Using an unconventional
"but still effective
left-handed grip.
A delight to work with."
What's wrong?
I -- I don't understand.
I guess Jake had made friends
with one of the girls
in his group
and one of the boys overheard
what they were talking about.
And, uh, that boy
told some other boy
who told some other boy,
who started teasing Jake.
- What were they saying?
- I don't know.
But apparently before
the teacher could intervene
things got physical.
They started shoving each other.
- I think Jake fell down.
- Jesus.
Yeah, and then
I guess Jake shoved
the other kid back, I..
And then I guess
he started crying.
But -- but did you tell them
he's not like that?
When has he ever shoved anyone?
They knew that he was
being teased, okay?
The man was really nice
about it. I..
I actually think he was
a little embarrassed.
- Why?
- Well..
He kept dancing around
what had happened
talking about
Jake's creative role-play
or whatever, and then suddenly,
I realized
Oh, God, this guy
doesn't know how to tell me
that my son was
uh, well, he was the
Little Mermaid, it turns out.
Damn this thing.
Anyway, once it was over,
the teacher
she sat both of them down.
They had a talk about
respectful behavior.
And, uh, she encouraged
Jake to use
his words if he was angry.
He couldn't talk.
- No, I guess not.
- No, no, no.
I -- I mean, the Little Mermaid
loses her voice.
She can't talk
for, like, half the movie.
Y -- you never thought of that?
Well, are you mad at me?
Well..
Now they're gonna think
he's got anger issues
or doesn't know
how to communicate his feelings.
I should have taken him.
- Well, thanks.
- No, I -- I'm not saying it's your fault.
- 'Cause it's not.
- Well, it's a red flag.
Okay? Uh, they're looking
for anything.
Shit.
Now, somehow, I was a little
more concerned about Jake
than how it might
affect his chances.
- Excuse me?
- I just..
Maybe we've got things
a little backwards here.
Hey, hey, that is not fair.
Being concerned for his chances
is being concerned for Jake.
Yeah, I realized that.
And frankly, if you're
worried about him
being teased at Sibley Hall
maybe you ought to think about
what it'd be like for him
some place where
the teacher's got 40 kids
crammed into a class
half the size.
You think this won't
happen again?
Okay, fine.
So don't tell me
I'm not concerned about Jake.
I mean..
Okay, I'm not a crazy mom, Alex.
I don't want to hoard him.
I want him to have
his father in his life
but he needs routine right now.
- It's so important at this age.
- Of course.
I mean, honestly,
I shouldn't even complain.
It's..
It's a good thing that he wants
to be involved. I just..
I honestly think sometimes
it's the lawyers
that make it all impossible.
- No offense.
- No, I'm sure you're right.
- You ladies need any help?
- Yes, I do.
I was looking at
the Power Rangers costumes
and I couldn't see
anything in red.
My son's like... yay high.
We may be sold out
of that color. I can check.
Oh, no, no, you see, it's..
It really has to be red.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
So, what does Jake wanna be? Hm?
Oh, you know Jake.
He has a different idea
every other day.
I'll just grab a few options.
- Yeah, smart.
- Miss?
Oh, my God, my hero!
Yes! You found it!
Hey, Teresa, can you do a price check
on baby Frankenstein kit. Thanks.
Maybe we should explain to him
why Rapunzel's not a good idea.
I just think..
What if someone says something?
Or even a funny look?
I know.
It is our job to protect him.
Meredith?
You really don't have to stay.
There's a good chance
he'll just forget.
Why?
Why can't I be Rapunzel?
Did you see the pirate?
It's awesome.
- It's got these tassels.
- No! No!
Hey, buddy, come on.
Mommy's trying really hard..
Jake. You haven't even looked.
You promised me!
- Trick or treat!
- Trick or treat.
I hate you!
Jake, I need you to calm down.
- Your ideas are lazy!
- Just calm down for one second.
Happy Halloween.
I want! I want!
I want! I want!
No.
He was Ben.
He just had the face of the man
from the bodega.
Like the man from the bodega
was playing Ben in my dream.
Okay.
And we get to the top
of the mountain
and the snaps on my pack pop off
and all of my gear
just falls off.
Just rolling down this ravine.
And I'm watching it go,
and I know this is bad
but for some reason
I just start laughing.
So I guess I'm wondering,
what does that mean?
- Well, that depends.
- Yeah, I know.
I'm just wondering
what you think it means.
I mean,
just give me your two cents.
I mean,
isn't that why we're here?
I think that's less important
than your own --
Oh, my God. I'm sorry,
are you always like this?
Or just here?
I'm sorry. I think we should end
early today.
You're allowed to feel
frustrated.
Yeah, I know I'm allowed.
With me, I mean.
What am I... like?
Switzerland.
That's what Ben and I...
call you.
'Cause when I
first started coming
he would always ask me
whose side you were on.
I told him..
...you don't like taking sides.
Whoa! Slow down, boys.
- Greg! Nice to see you.
- Oh, hey. Hi.
I just.. I -- I got here
early today
so I figured I would just
I don't know, check in and see
if there were any updates.
The truth is, I haven't talked
to Bethany this week
but we spoke on Friday,
and she said
that Jake had actually been
a little better.
"Better?"
I -- I just meant the schools.
Oh.
Uh, wha -- what's up
with Bethany?
No, there were, oh
one or two incidents in class.
I spoke with Alex about it
briefly, over the phone.
She didn't tell me.
Oh, here, honey. Come on in.
It was nothing serious.
He's always liked doing things
his own way, you know that.
Yes.
But lately, according to Bethany
he's been a little more..
...obsessive?
Refusing to leave
the dress-up corner
when it's time to move on
to something else.
He'll act out the, uh
what do you call it,
the, the "Stroke Of Midnight"
over and over again.
- Right. Right.
- "Bong, bong, bong."
Yeah, "Wait, come back.
I don't even know your name."
- Ha-ha.
- Exactly.
Alex says he's been fine
at home.
No, no, no, he's just, it's..
He's been a handful lately.
It's, it's normal stuff.
Alex thinks..
...that maybe
we need to set, uh..
...better boundaries.
So that Jake can learn
a little more self-control.
Do you agree?
It's just that I also know
that she's not..
She's not totally herself
right now.
And I don't blame her, you know
she's scheduling everything,
the interviews, the tours.
For a while there, she was
nauseous every other morning.
She's been sick?
Oh, shit.
- Please don't tell anyone.
- I won't, I won't.
Uh, we're not telling anyone
till we're past 13 weeks.
You know, she told people sooner
last time, and then when we lost --
I know how hard she took it.
I just know how much she
respects you. She always has.
And I was thinking,
if you do talk to her
that maybe... you could try
to reassure her
that nothing's wrong.
Just that things
are gonna be okay.
I'd like to show you something.
If you have a minute?
He did these last Thursday.
I was going to show Alex,
but as long as you're here..
Jake did these?
Mm-hmm.
They don't,
they don't look like his.
I mean, I -- I get it.
That's..
That's a lot of blood.
Well, the blood's one thing.
A lot of children
are fascinated by it.
And justifiably so.
But sometimes artwork like this
can be an opportunity.
It can help us understand
something a child
might be having difficulty
communicating.
Do you ever see children,
in your practice?
No. Couples occasionally,
but mostly individuals. Why?
I guess it's beside the point.
I was, uh..
...just curious if Jake has
you know, ever expressed concern
to either of you
about his gender.
No.
I mean, I don't think so.
I mean, there's a curiosity,
maybe.
Um, he asked once,
we were having dinner
and he asked why boys
can't wear skirts.
You know, 'cause girls
can wear pants.
What'd you tell him?
We told him the truth,
I guess, which is..
...there is no good reason,
really.
But then,
I -- I mentioned that, um
in Scotland men wear kilts
which are kind of like skirts.
We Google-imaged kilts,
looked at some pictures.
He wasn't very impressed.
So you didn't tell him
there are men
who do wear dresses
in our culture?
You talk to Judy at all?
Recently?
Week before last maybe.
Why?
I was just wondering if we might
wanna bring Jake to see someone.
- A professional.
- Why?
It's a lot of change,
all at once. You know?
- He's visited a bunch of schools.
- Right.
I mean, and if he's already
having trouble regulating
his, you know, I mean..
Maybe it could be helpful.
You don't think that might
make things worse?
How?
I don't know. He's only four.
We put him in therapy,
and then there's a..
Suddenly, there's a stranger
asking all these questions --
You know that's not
how it works.
But what if he starts thinking
there's something wrong with him?
That's not what I'm saying.
No, I know it's not.
But, you know, it's..
I don't know, it's,
it's the message he might get.
Kids are moody.
He'll be fine.
Okay, I think it's time
that we clean all this up
and get ready to go home.
Jake, I'd like you to come out
and help us, please.
No.
I really, really, really
need your help to clean up
because we're getting ready
to go home.
Jake, I'd like you to come out
and help us clean this up.
Please?
You need help in there?
Sandra.
Hi, it's -- it's Greg Wheeler.
I -- I thought we were scheduled
for 2 p.m. today.
Um, maybe you're on your way,
or maybe something came up.
Anyway, uh, call me back so we can
reschedule, if -- if we need to.
Here you go, bud.
- Working on your states again?
- Yeah.
Oh, I bet that's your grandma.
Oh, Catherine!
You are a lifesaver!
I'm so sorry.
We had a sitter lined up.
She's very reliable.
I have no idea
what happened this time.
Well, I don't know why
you would pay anyone.
I've told Alex a thousand times
I'm happy to have my time
with him.
That's very sweet.
We just.. We know that
you're busy and we..
- We wanted to --
- Hi, honey.
Oh, I ran into Simon Weingold.
He was asking after you.
Said they're missing you
terribly.
Aww, that's nice of him.
And I said with Jake in school
next year
you're gonna have a lot
more time on your hands.
Uh, Jake?
- Come say hi to Nana!
- I still need Montana.
Honey, no time to
curl your hair?
How often do you go out,
for goodness sakes?
Well, wear it behind
if you can't.. Yeah.
Oh, what have we got here?
Uh, that's from the dress-up
corner at Jake's school.
- Let me see it.
- His teacher let him take it.
Oh. Oh, no need to explain,
I do read "The New York Times."
God forbid anything
should be off-limits.
So, um --
Where is my favorite grandson?
His dinner's ready
in the fridge.
Just zap it in the microwave,
two, three minutes.
Set the timer
and it goes automatically.
Remember, keep it behind.
Yeah, I have used
a microwave before.
Oh, and the super's
right downstairs.
If you -- you need anything,
just knock.
He stays there,
he's almost always home.
I did raise two of my own,
you remember that, don't you?
- Very true.
- Thank you.
Okay. Put a brush through
your hair, honey, really.
- Thank you again. Love you.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Here I come! Ready or not!
Yeah, marketing's gotta be
fascinating in that way.
Just the whole "Trying to get
inside peoples' heads."
It must be such
a creative challenge.
You know, it is not about
being creative.
That's what people don't get.
- Well, I think you're creative.
- Thank you.
But you gotta understand
people are up against
so many goddamn options.
- You want some more?
- For everything. Right?
I mean, you walk into a market,
you see like
twenty different kinds of water,
for Christ sake.
I mean..
So the best marketing strategy
is not about being creative.
- I'm not gonna..
- No, no, no, no.
It's about being direct.
It's about being simple.
And ultimately, people..
And, look, I'll just say this.
I'm sorry.
Especially women..
...they wanna be told
what to do.
No, we don't.
I call complete bullshit
on that.
- It's not bullshit.
- So much bullshit.
Can I get anyone another round?
Yeah, I'd love another drink.
Uh..
I'm sorry.
What is your favorite
specialty cocktail?
Ah! Case in point.
No, that's not what I'm doing.
I'm asking her opinion.
I really like
the elderflower Saketini.
- I can't hear you.
- Um, yeah, sure. I'll have one of those.
- Thank you.
- What's going on?
I -- I'm so sorry.
He what?
- I'll be back.
- Yeah. Okay.
Calm down.
No, no, no, I understand.
What happened?
- He threw Cinderella at her.
- What?
The figurine.
Look.. Look, just -- just
put him on the phone, okay?
I wanna talk to him.
Yeah, well, tell him
if he doesn't stop now
we're canceling his
birthday party.
- I'm -- I'm serious.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Wait. Wait a minute.
Let me talk to her.
Let me talk to her.
Come here.
Hey.
Hi, Cate. It's Greg.
I'm so sorry.
Do you need us to come home?
- That's exactly what he wants!
- What's that?
No, I know.
No, we'll leave the phone on
so you co..
Right. Okay, well.. Bye.
I mean, he's not an idiot.
He knows what he's doing.
Well, yeah. I mean, honestly,
if you're upset about it
you might consider
listening to me
and maybe we should bring him
to see someone.
Okay.
Can we not do this right now?
He just assaulted
his grandmother.
Well, she's probably
exaggerating.
Oh, and you threaten to cancel
his birthday party
because she's probably
exaggerating?
Greg, I was setting a boundary.
That's allowed.
Yeah, it is, but don't flip it
around and try to minimize it.
If he's acting out,
he's acting out.
Greg, he's a kid.
God forbid, he should be a
little more aggressive than you.
- I'm so sorry, guys.
- Oh, of course.
- Is everything okay?
- Oh, y -- you know.
He's just punishing us
for having a night out.
You know, maybe I should go.
- Greg, we offered.
- I know.
But I just think that
if one of us was there --
We can't just upend our plans
every time he's in a mood.
- Where's the lesson in that?
- Fine. You're the boss.
Here you are, miss.
The elderflower Saketini.
Thank you.
Perfect timing.
- Cheers to grown-up time.
- Cheers.
So, Caitlyn Jenner.
- Is she a lesbian now or what?
- What?
Well, okay, so I was listening
to this interview
where, um, he, she, uh, yeah,
Ms. Jenner, uh, she said that
she was still attracted
to women.
And, you know,
even though now she's a..
So I was just wondering,
is she.. What is she now?
- Is she a lesbian or what?
- I'm sorry.
- How did we get onto..
- I know.
It was just.. I have no idea.
It just, you know,
he watches so much TV.
I was just reminded of it
because when you were outside
we were talking
about your son, and..
I, I was just explaining that..
I was just saying it's hard,
you know?
Admissions time, kindergarten.
It's so hard for,
for a child, you know, who..
- Who, who what?
- Who just..
Who has a unique expression.
Alex --
Listen, hey, you know,
my brother, Mikey
when he was a kid,
he was obsessed with that
uh, that, that game
Pretty Pretty Princess.
And, you know, you cut to, uh,
freshman year of college
and he's on the football team.
Two hundred pounds,
six-foot-three.
So it just goes to show --
I'm not sure I follow.
I'm just saying that you,
you may..
You, you probably don't need,
need to worry.
- That's all.
- No one's worried.
That's not what he meant.
Well, that's not exactly true.
I'm a little worried.
And so are his teachers --
All right, you know what?
Amal, let me ask you something.
You took Sanjay to see
a therapist last year, right?
- Greg.
- I'm sorry.
Is that a taboo subject?
I just.. We're all friends here.
I think you've had
a little too much to drink.
I just am curious about
your experience as a parent.
And it's fine.
Well, with the divorce
we wanted to be safe.
- So I took him to a therapist.
- Thank you.
Okay. Well, that was
a very different situation.
How is that different?
Because with Sanjay there
was an obvious problem.
- What do you mean by that?
- No, not, not problem. I..
- Right.
- No, no, no. I just meant..
You know,
there was something external.
- Not just how he likes to play.
- I think we should just..
I really think we should just
drop this right now.
It's more than
how he likes to play.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means --
What?
What were you gonna say?
- We can talk about it later.
- No. What?
Let's have it.
What were you gonna say?
We're all friends, right?
Fine.
Uh, I was giving Jake a bath
the other night
and he tucked his penis
between his legs, okay?
All boys do that.
Right?
- Well, not really.
- Sure.
Oh, come on.
You're saying Sanjay's never..
- No.
- Okay.
You're saying
he's done this before?
Well, it's bath time.
What am I supposed to say, "No?"
Clearly, you're the one
who had a problem with it.
I didn't say
I had a problem with it.
I said that there are people
who specialize
in exactly this type
of behavior.
Frankly, I'm not sure what
Jake needs right now
is one more adult in his life
gossiping behind his back.
Oh, my --
Trying to come up
with some sort of diagnosis.
No one was gossiping, Alex!
You need to really stop it.
It's just..
Hey, can I interest anyone
in some dessert?
We're good.
Just, just the check.
Okay. You can just take
a seat back there.
- How much have I gained?
- Three pounds since last time.
So a total of almost five.
I feel like with my son
it was more.
Yeah, it varies.
But it's definitely within
the normal range.
And your iron was
a little low last time.
I'm taking the supplement
he recommended.
Take a deep breath.
Okay.
Just breathe.
Hey! Hi, Kimmie.
Good Lord!
That is almost as big as Jake!
Yeah.
Well, I kept the receipt.
I know he's particular.
- You guys know Amal.
- Nice to see you. How are you?
Oh, my goodness gracious.
- Hi, Mom. Hi.
- Oh, hi, honey.
Don't you look nice.
- Who was, uh..
- Hi, Kimmie.
How are you doing?
Kimmie, we don't run inside!
Can I hold it?
- Everybody, it's for Jake.
- Let me see it.
It's his present, his birthday.
Thank you.
You need some help, sweetheart?
- No, I'm almost done.
- Ah.
My daughter, the baker.
You know,
I wish you wouldn't do that.
What?
Like all this is just
a waste of time.
I wasn't..
I, I just meant
you didn't learn that from me.
Stop it!
Hey! Stop it! Sanjay!
- What is the matter with you, baby?
- What happened?
Sanjay pushed Bobby.
He started it, because
Bobby called Jake a flag.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Flag?
- Jake, honey?
- Hey, Mom. No, no, no, no.
I -- I got it. I got it.
Hey.
Hey, you okay?
It's almost time to make a wish.
Babe, come on.
Honey.
Honey, talk to me.
Please?
You know, it's just..
- Excuse me one moment.
- Sure.
Laurel, it's gotta stop.
I -- I know that
you're with a client right now
and I really hate to interrupt,
but this is --
I'm not with a client.
W -- what?
I said, I'm not with a client.
You seem angry.
Is there something
you need to release?
We'll talk to you next week.
Thank you so much.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Right on time.
Got some good news for us?
Come on in.
Okay, but this is
preliminary feedback, right?
They haven't made
their decisions.
That's true.
So is there any chance one could
still end up accepting him?
It's possible,
but I have to be honest.
At this point, it's unlikely it
would come with financial aid.
What about, uh, the magnets?
Uh, BSI? PS 20?
We'll know more in a few weeks.
But his scores were so high.
They're very strong
but the cut-offs go up
every year.
There's just too much demand.
So, you're saying he could be
shut out everywhere?
I'm saying
we need to be prepared.
You know what?
This is a numbers game.
We knew this.
We went to public school.
- We turned out okay, right?
- Mm-hmm.
Remember, he could also do
another year with us.
Reapply next fall.
I know it's not ideal,
but under the circumstances
I think it might be
the best thing for him.
- What do you mean?
- She's just --
I mean, if the gifted
programs don't work --
No, but, but what circumstances?
Look, there is no question
he's bright.
He's creative. That comes across
in all of the feedback.
But several places also note
that he gets stubborn
and defensive
when dealing with other kids.
Frankly, you two are very lucky
to be raising a kid like Jake
now instead of 50 years ago,
even 20 years ago.
What exactly does that mean?
"A kid like Jake?"
Okay, you know, I think
we're getting off topic --
Alex, I'm very sorry
that this isn't the news
we were hoping for,
but you have to understand
the number of spots
we're talking about --
Of course, and -- and -- and
I know how many kids
you have to place.
Whoa. I'm not sure
what you're implying here
but you know that
I care very deeply about Jake.
Which is why
I'm doing everything in my power
to place him somewhere
where he feels safe
and comfortable enough to --
- To dress like a girl.
- Okay.
I mean, that -- that's obviously
what you're saying
and maybe the problem is that we
all started pitching him as --
Alex, he had no idea
what was in that essay.
It doesn't matter!
Obviously it's going
to affect the way that people --
I'm talking about him feeling
safe and respected.
Yes, but isn't there
a danger of imposing --
Imposing what exactly?
No, not, not, not imposing.
That -- that was, that..
Greg.
Alex, do you think
my sexual orientation
has anything to do with
my advice regarding your son?
- What?
- Judy, of course not.
Because every time
I try to bring up my concerns
you respond like I'm pushing
some political agenda.
And let me tell you
the impulse to embrace children
as they are is not an agenda.
No, I -- I never --
And like it or not, you two have
some choices to make here.
There's a problem.
If you don't believe me,
just read the feedback yourself.
He's acting out.
Verbally. Physically.
Yes, and, maybe..
Maybe he's sick of us
of us pushing him
into this, this role.
Alex, you can't expect him
to never realize he's different.
No, but I can wait
until he tells me himself --
But it sounds like he's trying
but you're just determined
to ignore it.
- I am not ignoring it!
- Okay.
- Jesus!
- Okay. Okay.
Maybe if you'd ever had
your own kids..
You know what?
We're done. Okay?
And I'll come grab him.
Um, I guess I'll just..
I'll text you when we're..
No, no, everything's fine.
He's..
Um, it's, it'll be fine.
Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
Bye.
You should lie down.
Here.
Come on.
I think you should leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
We don't have to talk
but I'm not leaving you alone
right now.
I don't think I can not talk.
If you're here,
I, I don't think I can..
...not say something.
Something mean.
I'm very angry.
I understand.
I'm angry at you, Greg.
You should have said something.
To Judy. She was out of line.
And -- and -- and
you just sat there.
We're not gonna have this
conversation right now.
Yes, please tell me
what conversations --
Alex, if you need
to be mad at me, that's fine
but I am not going to fight.
That's --
You should have said something.
Well, frankly,
I could barely get a word in.
I was trying to keep things
from escalating.
Right. Right.
God forbid anyone gets angry.
God forbid
you ever piss someone off.
All right, this is ridiculous.
You're in shock.
- And we're both grieving.
- Oh, thank you. I'd forgotten.
You know, trying to make me
feel as much pain as you do --
That is not what I'm doing.
Of course it is,
maybe not consciously.
- But that's definitely --
- Oh, my God!
Things I could do without.
Number one,
the fucking unconscious.
Please, please, spare me that.
Fine. Let's blame Freud, right?
It's Freud's fault
you miscarried.
Oh, I miscarried?
No, that is not what I..
You think if I'd just taken
better care of myself?
Would you please --
If -- if -- if -- if, if I hadn't
overburdened myself
Stop. Stop. Stop.
With Jake's applications?
If -- if -- if I had let you call
an ambulance
Instead of taking a cab
maybe we would have
gotten there sooner?
Yeah, well,
now we'll never know, will we?
Ally, I'm sorry.
- You're an asshole.
- Jesus.
This is hard for me too.
Is that impossible for you
to understand.
I needed help, Greg
and you just sat there.
Like, like you were embarrassed.
- Do you have any idea --
- Okay, I'm not gonna do this.
What.. Where're you going?
Greg!
Greg, you can't just walk away
in the middle --
In the middle of what?
An argument?
This is not an argument.
This is you shitting on me.
So I'm gonna go pick up Jake
and I'm gonna take him out,
and when I get back
I hope that you're in bed
'cause frankly, he doesn't need
to see you like this.
Fine. Fine.
Yeah, go take him out
for ice cream.
And when you're done, why don't you
both get your nails done, huh?
I mean, why not?
It's not like you've ever
taken him to a park
or thrown a ball
in his direction.
That's a disgusting thing
to say.
You think it's my fault
he likes dresses?
No, you think
I'm too effete a role model?
- Who the fuck are you?
- Greg, that's, that's not --
Did you listen to the feedback?
"Stubborn? Defensive?"
Did that not remind you
of anyone?
Not to mention
you're the one reading him
fairy tales every night,
you're the one buying him
every Disney princess DVD
you can get your hands on
and then, freaking out
when people start to notice.
I mean, is it any wonder
he's confused?
You know, maybe the reason
I didn't say anything to Judy
is because I agree with her.
And I think we need
to make some choices
about how to address
the situation.
Fine. You know, bring, bring him
to a shrink.
What do I know, right?
I'm just the one
at home with him.
- All day, every day. What?
- Oh, for God's sake!
You get to have a life outside
this apartment. I gave that up.
Do you wanna go back
to work? Do it!
- No one's stopping you.
- No. No.
I made a choice to be here
because I wanted him to have
a mother who's devoted --
And because you hated
being a lawyer!
Christ! Don't pretend like you
weren't desperate to get out.
This is what you wanted.
So, I'm sorry
if motherhood turns out to be
just another disappointment,
but I am his father.
I live here too,
and I'm sick of being treated
like you're raising him alone.
Jake is not a disappointment.
I said motherhood, not Jake.
This is so..
I'm s -- sorry, okay?
I'm sorry
for making you so unhappy.
I'm -- I'm sorry
for taking you for granted.
I'm -- I'm sorry
for all the ways
I've fucked things up with Jake.
- Ally.
- I am. I am.
- I'm sorry about the baby.
- No.
For whatever I did wrong.
I am not asking you
to apologize.
Just please, please,
let's just stop.
It's Judy.
She called before
at the hospital.
Just wanted to make sure
everything was okay.
Well, it's not.
What do you think
is holding you back?
I mean, like I said it's stupid.
It's just a signature.
It's not like
it changes anything.
I mean, his stuff's
already gone.
The financials
are straightforward.
There's no custody battle.
Silver linings, right?
You know..
...you never really
talked about that.
What?
Well..
...kids.
There's not much to talk about.
We talked about IVF..
...and how hard that was,
on both of you.
But I don't think you ever
mentioned the decision to stop.
Does that matter?
At this point?
I think it might.
Just, just my two cents.
Well, it was always part
of the plan, I guess.
And when it didn't happen
right away..
...we both kept assuming
with all the options..
...the next one.
This'll be the one.
Then the one after that..
...and the one after that
and then, at a certain point..
...I think
we both just realized..
We were eating take-out
one night
and he looked at me
and said..
"...We're done, aren't we?"
I guess we were.
And how did you feel?
Honestly?
I felt relieved.
I knew how much Ben wanted it.
I knew it was what
I should want.
But..
I don't know.
I thought..
Ah, thank God.
You didn't think
you could tell him?
I think he knew.
It's so quiet in here.
Uh, Dr. Hendricks
decided to relocate.
I miss the banshee.
Okay.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Judy, I..
It's really good to see you.
You -- you try..
You try so hard to protect them,
but..
It's never gonna be easy
to really see people.
Especially the ones we love.
- Hon?
- In here.
- Alex. Hi.
- Hey, Lynn.
Hey.
- I am gonna go get changed.
- Okay.
She hates my guts, doesn't she?
She'll get over it.
Ah! What's the matter with you?
This is a child.
Get off that bike.
You're not in control!
If I ever see you on a bike
without a helmet
it will not be
a pretty picture, okay?
Can't sleep?
I've noticed some things
about this movie.
Things that don't make sense.
Because the idea is that
Cinderella is this abused
servant girl, right?
But she's got an entourage
of animals
waiting on her hand
and foot and..
They bathe her, they dress her.
Honestly,
she's not doing too bad.
It's a good school.
I think he'll be happy.
You know, when he was a baby
I was so convinced
he knew things.
I would look at him
and wish so badly he could talk
'cause I was sure
he wanted to tell me.
He's got time.
Maybe he'll come around.
Come to bed?
Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler?
Come on in.
Do you know what I've been
meaning to ask you about?
Which one is Aurora again?
- Aurora?
- Yeah.
That's who you dressed up as,
isn't it?
- Aurora's Sleeping Beauty.
- That's right.
Oh, yes, and they have
those three little fairies
that travel --
And they take her to a cottage
and then she doesn't know
she's a princess.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then they have pumpkins they're like..
Yeah. That makes sense.
I'd like to run,
I'd like to run some more.
Ready, ready?
One, two, three. Whee!
One, two, three. Whee!