A Midsummer's Fantasia (2014) Movie Script
1
Max: IN A WORLD WHERE
THE MESSENGERS OF TRUTH,
THE COURIERS OF JUSTICE,
BRAVELY GO FORTH
TO COMPLETE THEIR
APPOINTED ROUTES...
[COMPUTER VOICE SPEAKING]
ONE LONE HERO STANDS OU AMONG THE REST.
Max: ONE FEARLESS RIDER
HAS THE FORTITUDE
TO DELIVER THE GOODS.
TO STAND UP TO THE FORCES
OF DARKNESS,
THE LEGIONS OF DOOM,
THE ARMIES OF OPPRESSION,
AND THE EVIL
ICE CREAM MAN.
PAPERBOY.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Ice Cream Man: WELCOME
TO THE ICE AGE, PAPERBOY!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
Ice Cream Man:
I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM
WE ALL SCREAM
FOR ICE CREAM!
OH, NUTS! I FORGO THE SPRINKLES!
HA HA HA HA HA!
HEY, MAX.
OHH!
HMM! A TONY HAWK
SUNDAE!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
OH, THAT ICE CREAM MAN
SURE IS EVIL.
[HORNS BLARE]
[HORN HONKS]
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY,
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
HUH!
HUH!
HAH!
[KUNG FU MOVIE STYLE]
I WILL DEFEAT YOU
WITH MY COMPLICATED
FIGHTING MOVE.
WE SHALL SEE WHOSE KUNG FU
IS SUPERIOR. HYAH!
[MAKING KUNG FU
FIGHTING SOUNDS]
YAH!
OHH.
YAH!
PAPERBOY POWER!
AAH!
[THUD]
HA.
Ice Cream Man:
DIDN'T HURT!
YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU
CAN'T HIDE, PAPERBOY!
EVERYWHERE
GONNA DO EVERYTHING
GONNA DO MY BES TO REACH YOUR SKY
'CAUSE I DON'T CARE
WHOO-HOO!
HUH?
[TIRES SQUEALING]
YEAH!
PAPER?
WHAT TOOK YOU
SO LONG?
I, UH, STOPPED
FOR SOME ICE CREAM.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Both: AAH!
[BEEPING] GET OU OF BED, JABRODIE.
GET OUT OF BED,
JABRODIE.
GET OUT OF BED--OW!
HEH.
Max: OK, I DREAMED IT.
SO MAYBE MY LIFE REALLY
ISN'T LIKE THAT.
AND MAYBE I'M NO THE COOLEST KID EVER.
BUT TODAY WAS THE FIRST DAY
OF JUNIOR HIGH,
AND I WAS SURE THAT THINGS
WERE GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
YA-HA-HA!
I HAD A NEW LOOK.
I WAS A BALLER,
A SHOT-CALLER.
I WAS A PLAYER
WITH PHAT ATTITUDE.
OR, AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...
PHAT-ITUDE.
HI, MOM.
IT'S FINISHED.
THE HOUSE IS PERFECT.
JUST AS I'D ALWAYS
PICTURED IT.
BUT LET'S KEEP THA BETWEEN YOU AND ME, OK?
Max: MEET MY MOM.
SHE'S BEEN PUTTING
THE "FINISHING TOUCHES"
ON OUR HOUSE
FOR, LIKE, 6 YEARS.
YOU COULD SAY
SHE'S A BIT OBSESSED.
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
MY KITCHEN! MINE!
MORNING.
Max: THIS IS MY DAD.
HE WORKS IN ADVERTISING.
HIS BOSS, MR. FOGE,
MAKES HIM WEAR GOOFY
COSTUMES SOMETIMES.
LUCKILY, HE'S GOT US
FOR SUPPORT.
WHAT IS THAT?
HEH.
I'M, UH, LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.
FOR THE LOBSTER SHACK
PITCH TODAY?
DO YOU REALLY HAVE
TO WEAR THAT?
LILY, COME ON.
FOGE HAS GOT A DOZEN
JUNIOR AD EXECS
LINED UP BEHIND ME
WHO'D BE HAPPY TO BE
LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.
FOGED AGAIN.
Don: BUT JUS FOR THIS PITCH.
Max:
I BETTER BE OFF.
Lily:
OFF TO JUNIOR HIGH,
MY LITTLE SOLDIER
ALL GROWN UP. MM.
GOOD LUCK, HONEY.
Max:
THANKS, MOM.
DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.
OK, MOM.
Don: HEY, MAX?
YOU WANT A RIDE?
UM...THAT'S OK.
I'M GONNA
TAKE THE BUS.
YEAH, THE BUS.
RIGHT.
Max: YOU KNOW THAT KID
EVERYONE THINKS IS WEIRD,
BUT HE DOESN'T CARE
WHAT EVERYONE THINKS?
THIS IS HIM.
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
HIS NAME'S ROBERT, BUT WE
CALL HIM ROBE. GUESS WHY?
HEY, YOU GUYS!
Max: THIS IS MY OTHER BES FRIEND. HER NAME'S MEGAN.
SHE NEVER GOES ANYWHERE
WITHOUT HER CLARINET...
AAH!
[THUD]
OH!
[LAUGHTER]
Max: EVEN WHEN SHE
TAKES A TRIP.
YOU OK?
YEAH, I'M TOUGH
LIKE A TANK.
YEAH, THE SEPTIC TANK.
[LAUGHS]
SAYS THE FREAK
IN THE ROBE
THAT SMELLS
LIKE DIAPERS.
[MOCKING]
MAX, WHERE'S
YOUR BASSOON?
UM...MY BASSOON...
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA
TAKE BAND TOGETHER.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
IT'S JUNIOR HIGH.
IS BAND STILL COOL?
COOL? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
SINCE WHEN HAVE
WE BEEN COOL?
ALL I'M SAYIN' IS,
LET'S TRY
TO ACT COOL.
SWEET! A CAN.
BLECH!
EWW!
TODAY
I CHANGED
BUT TOO LATE
'CAUSE EVERY TOWN
FEELS THE SAME
I'M DIFFERENT
AND YOU'RE DISTANT
ADD IT UP AND IT MAKES
NO DIFFERENCE
FOR THE YEARBOOK.
HOW'S THIS? "SHEEP
ARRIVE FOR SLAUGHTER"?
Kid: NO, NO, NO!
PLEASE! PLEASE!
DON'T MAKE ME GO!
I DON'T WANNA GO!
I DON'T WANNA GO!
DOES HE KNOW
SOMETHING WE DON'T?
Jindraike:
HERE THEY COME.
WITH THEIR PIMPLES
AND THEIR BRACES
AND THEIR RICKETS
AND THEIR LICE.
THEIR SNOT-NOSED,
BAGGY-PANTSED,
HIGH-PITCHED,
SQUEALING VOICES.
AND YET,
EACH ONE A RUNG
ON THE LADDER
OF MY SUCCESS.
A LADDER THAT ENDS
IN A VAST NEON SIGN
THAT STRETCHES ACROSS
THE NIGHT SKY.
Mrs. Rangoon:
PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE?
THESE CAME FROM YOUR
REAL-ESTATE AGENT.
THE SIGN, MRS. RANGOON.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
"SUPERINTENDEN JINDRAIKE."
THE SIGN
ON MY OFFICE DOOR.
THAT'S WHA IT SHOULD SAY.
SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN "SUPERINTENDEN KNEBWORTH."
IT'S CLASSIER, TOO.
WHEN KNEBWORTH SEES
WHAT I'VE DONE HERE
IN HIS HONOR,
THE OLD DINOSAUR
IS SURE TO MAKE ME
HIS SUCCESSOR.
BUT, FIRST THINGS FIRST,
MRS. RANGOON.
SET UP THE VIDEO
BROADCAST MACHINE DEVICE.
[SPRAYS]
I WANT TO ADDRESS
THE ACNE-STRAFED MASSES.
OOH--AAH!
[CLATTER]
OW!
CURTIS JUNIOR HIGH
HAS A LONG
AND FASCINATING HISTORY
OF COLORFUL BULLIES.
YOU'RE LYING.
AM I?
IN 1985,
TOMATO-FACE CALLAHAN.
HE'D WALK RIGHT UP
TO YOU
AND SHOVE A TOMATO
IN YOUR FACE.
[GASPS]
Photographer: 1991,
WEDGIE JACKSON.
HE INVENTED THE
WORLD WIDE WEDGE.
[GASPS]
Photographer: WHICH
BRINGS US TO THIS YEAR.
Both: TROY McGINTY.
[GASPS]
Boy: WORD IS,
HE'S GONNA POUND
ON A DIFFERENT KID
EVERY DAY.
AND HE'S DEVISED
HIS OWN SPECIAL WY
OF LETTING
THE WORLD KNOW
WHO HE'S
COMING AFTER.
[CROWD GASPS]
Crowd: MAX KEEBLE?
HERE.
Teacher: ALL RIGHT.
JULIUS KLINGHOFFER.
HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
LIL'--LIL' ROMEO?
YO, WHUZZUP? I'M
OVER HERE, WO DAT.
OK.
LIL' ROMEO'S
IN THE HOUSE.
I'M DOWN WITH THAT.
TINA MICHAELS?
Jindraike on TV:
AND NOW...
THIS IS PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE.
ALL STUDENTS WILL REPOR TO THE ASSEMBLY HALL
DURING THIRD PERIOD
FOR A SPECIAL PRESENTATION.
ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY.
ALL MUST ATTEND.
NOT ATTENDING IS PROHIBITED.
THAT IS ALL.
THANK YOU.
YES! THE REVIEWS ARE IN.
HAA! JINDRAIKE,
2 THUMBS UP.
[LAUGHTER]
Jindraike:
I LAUGHED, I CRIED.
THE MAN'S A GENIUS.
Mrs. Rangoon:
PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE!
WHAT IS IT NOW, RANGOON?
THE RED LIGHT'S
STILL ON.
I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.
[LAUGHING]
Boy:
DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!
GOOD MORNING.
I'M MS. DINGMAN,
AND WELCOME TO LIFE SCIENCE.
[WHIMPERS]
YOU OK?
I CAN'T FEEL
MY FINGERS.
[GULP]
...LIKE THIS.
PHEROMONES.
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
ODORLESS, COLORLESS.
IT'S HOW MANY SPECIES
ATTRACT MATES.
A CHEMICAL PROCESS
WHICH CAUSES
AN IRRESISTIBLE
ATTRACTION...
[STUDENTS GASP]
IN THE...AHEM...
OPPOSITE SEX.
[GULP]
ALLOW ME
TO DEMONSTRATE.
WOULD SOMEONE LIKE
TO OPEN THE WINDOW
FOR ME, PLEASE?
Boys: OOH!
OOH! OOH!
YOU IN THE...ROBE.
Boys: AW.
[BRACK]
[BRACK]
Boy: WOW,
THAT'S COOL!
Ms. Dingman:
YOU SEE?
IRRESISTIBLE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[BRITNEY SPEARS' ...BABY,
ONE MORE TIME PLAYING]
OH, BABY, BABY
EH, EH
[MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS]
ARE YOU OK?
YEAH! YEAH.
I'M FINE.
YOU LOOK KIND OF
FAMILIAR.
I DELIVER YOUR PAPER.
UM, I'M MAX, JENNA.
OH, YEAH.
SO, YOU GO TO SCHOOL
HERE NOW?
YOU PLAY
TH-THE CLARINET.
FIRST CHAIR.
I'M IN BAND, TOO.
I PLAY THE BASSOON.
HMM. WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
I'LL SEE YOU,
UH, BASSOON.
SEE YOU BASSOON?
ECCH! STUPID!
MAX KEEBLE.
TROY!
TROY McGINTY,
HOW ARE YA?
FIRST VICTIM
OF THE YEAR THERE, BUDDY.
IT'S A BIG HONOR.
Max:
YOU KNOW THE GUY
YOU USED TO HANG OUT WITH
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE,
BUT AS YOU GOT OLDER YOU WEN IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS?
WELL, TROY McGINTY
WASN'T ALWAYS A BULLY.
I REMEMBER WHEN HE CAME
TO MY FOURTH BIRTHDAY.
THE THEME WAS
MacGOOGLES THE FROG.
MacGoogles the Frog:
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
I DON'T LIKE
MacGOOGLE!
HE'S NOT REAL, TROY.
HE'S JUS A TV CHARACTER.
IS THERE
A WEE LITTLE LADDIE
HAVIN' HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY?
MacGOOGLE! HE'S
TRYING TO EAT ME!
SCAREDY-CAT,
SCAREDY-CAT...
TROY, IT'S ME, MR. KEEBLE.
MacGOOGLES ATE
MAX'S DADDY!
AAH!
Max: TROY HAD GROWN
A LOT SINCE THEN.
WHOA! WHOA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
WHERE'S MAX?
I DON'T KNOW.
WASN'T IT YOUR TURN
TO WATCH HIM?
Troy: WELCOME TO
COOKING WITH TROY.
FIRST, WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IS
DIP YOUR LITTLE
PIECE OF CHICKEN
IN A NICE, THICK BATTER.
NO. TROY, NO!
HOLD IT! STOP!
OK, WE'RE SET.
YAH!
NO! TROY!
AAH!
Troy: NOW WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IS
ROLL YOUR PIECE
OF DEAD MEA IN SOME
BREAD CRUMBS.
PERFECT.
AND NOW THA THAT'S DONE,
OUR BIRD SHOULD BE
READY TO GO IN.
AAH!
Max: OH, GROSS!
ECCH!
HOPE YOU LIKE LASAGNA.
SETTLE DOWN.
[TALKING CONTINUES]
CEASE!
[TALKING STOPS]
THIS THURSDAY,
SUPERINTENDENT KNEBWORTH
WILL BE HERE
TO INSPECT THE SCHOOL.
AND SO I AM UPGRADING
MY POLICY OF ZERO TOLERANCE
TO ONE OF...
SUB-ZERO TOLERANCE.
WHICH IS...
MORE THAN ZERO.
[LAUGHING]
CEASE!
[LAUGHING STOPS]
AND NOW, WITHOU ANY FURTHER ADO,
WHAT'S THAT I HEAR?
[BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
THE PITTER-PATTER
OF LITTLE FEET?
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
TO YOU THE NEWEST ADDITION
TO THE CURTIS JUNIOR
HIGH SCHOOL COTTONTAILS--
3 FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS
FROM EASTERN EUROPE,
AND THEIR NAMES ARE...
UNIMPORTANT,
BECAUSE THEY'RE HERE
TO LEAD US
TO GRIDIRON GLORY.
WHY, ALL THEY NEED
IS A PLACE TO PLAY.
STUDENTS, I GIVE YOU...
YOUR NEW FOOTBALL STADIUM.
[CHEERING]
OOH-YAH!
HA!
[CHEERING STOPS]
[SQUISHING FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Crowd: EWW!
YOU, THERE!
LITTLE BOY!
PRANKSTER!
[LAUGHS]
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
UH, MAX KEEBLE.
I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU,
MAX KEEBLE.
YOU'RE ON MY LIST.
IT WASN'T MY--
SIT!
HEH HEH HEH.
THIS IS
A BAD JUNIOR HIGH.
I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT McGINTY DID TO YOU.
MR. JINDRAIKE SAYS
IF SOMEONE TRIES
TO START A FIGH WITH YOU,
YOU KNOW,
JUST IGNORE 'EM.
EW! ROBE!
EW.
Megan: MAX, YOU
CAN'T GO THROUGH
THE REST OF THE DAY
LIKE THAT.
I DON'T PLAN ON IT.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
HOW GREAT.
HEY BABY
HEY BABY
YEAH BABY
YEAH BABY
HEY BABY
COOL.
HEY, MAN, YOU GO ANY SPARE AIR?
YEAH BABY
YEAH BABY
WHOO!
HE CALLS HIS VICTIMS
"INVESTORS"?
HE'S GOT ALL THE
LATEST TECHNOLOGY,
AND HE'S LOOKING
TO MAKE A KILLING
IN THE STOCK MARKET.
M-M-M-M-M-M-M-
MARCHING CALL.
YOU KNOW A FELLA'S
GOOD FOR THE MOOLA
Max: THIS GUY, DOBBS, WAS
ONCE A STOCK-MARKET WHIZ KID.
BY AGE 10, HE WAS
A MILLIONAIRE.
12:15. MEETING
WITH KEEBLE.
KEEBLE.
Max: BY AGE 12,
HE'D LOST IT ALL.
NOW HE'S OBSESSED
WITH GETTING IT BACK,
ONE KID AT A TIME.
Dobbs: KEEBLE!
CAUGHT YOUR AC IN THE ASSEMBLY.
LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN
USE SOME HELP
WITH MANAGING
YOUR PORTFOLIO.
Max: HEY, THAT'S
MY LUNCH MONEY!
AND YOU HAVE I ALL IN CASH.
KID, LET ME HOLD THIS
FOR A WHILE
AND I'LL SET YOU UP
WITH A NICE MUTUAL FUND.
WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
HE'S TAKING
MAX'S LU--
[DOBBS GROWLS]
[TIMIDLY]
LUNCH MONEY.
IS THIS TRUE,
MR. DOBBS?
NO. I'M JUST, UH, SPREADING
SOME INVESTMENT WISDOM.
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
HOW DID VIAMWORK SYSTEMS
WORK OUT FOR YOU?
HEH HEH. BEST MONEY
I EVER SPENT.
BY THE WAY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF HANDSPRING?
HANDSPRING? IT'S MOVIN'
TODAY. I'D SAY BUY.
THANKS.
NO PROB.
UH...
DON'T MISS ME. HA!
'SCUSE ME!
ANYBODY WAN MY CARROTS?
WHAT?
KEEBLE!
YOU MAY BE
UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT I ENCOURAGE
HORSEPLAY AND MALARKEY.
I DON'T ENCOURAGE IT.
I EXCOURAGE IT.
EXCOURAGE?
IT MEANS THE OPPOSITE
OF ENCOURAGE.
LOOK IT UP.
Ms. Dingman:
ELLIOT!
AND SO, YOUNG MAN,
REMEMBER,
"STUDY" RHYMES
WITH "BUDDY." SCRAM.
HEY.
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID BAND
WASN'T COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU.
YEAH, BUT I-I
THOUGHT IT OVER,
AND I'VE DECIDED THA BAND IS PRETTY, UM...
[BRITNEY SPEARS' ...BABY,
ONE MORE TIME PLAYING]
HOT.
Jenna:
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SITTING IN MY SEAT?
DOES IT SAY YOUR NAME
ON IT OR SOMETHING?
YES.
SO, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
SHOO-SHOO. LET'S GO.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?
HI, JENNA.
HEY.
WELCOME, EVERYONE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
SETTLE, PLEASE.
I SHOULD TELL YOU
RIGHT AWAY--
YOU'LL NOTICE THAT WE ARE
A BIT CRAMPED IN HERE,
THANKS TO SOME TEMPORARY
STORAGE FOISTED ON US
BY SOMEONE WHO HAS
ABSOLUTELY NO APPRECIATION
OF WHAT WE DO IN HERE.
NOW, IF YOU'LL GO
TO THE BEGINNING
FOR A SECOND NOBODY'S
LOOKIN' BACK AT ME
I NEVER EVEN NOTICE
WHERE THEY GO
THE SUN IS SHINING
DOWN AND
THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
AROUND NOW
WISH YOU WERE HERE
TO HEAR ME SAY
THIS IS GONNA BE
MY GREATEST DAY
HOW FAR WOULD I GO
JUST TO HEAR
EVERYBODY SAY
[HORN HONKS]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
[GLASS BREAKING]
THIS IS GONNA BE
MY GREATEST DAY
MY GREATEST DAY
MY GREATEST DAY
HEY, TAD.
DID YOU MISS ME?
Max: THIS IS TAD.
HE TOTALLY RULES
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
I HELPED NURSE HIM WHEN
HE WAS A BABY CHIMP,
AND WE'VE BEEN BUDS
EVER SINCE.
[KISSES]
HEY, MAX!
Max: HI, MARLEY.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, COULD YOU
DO ME A FAVOR
AND FEED THE GOAT?
SURE. WHAT'S GOING ON?
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
WE'RE CLOSING DOWN.
SOME CREEP BOUGH UP THE PROPERTY
AND CANCELED
OUR LEASE.
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
TO THE ANIMALS?
WE'RE DOIN'
THE BEST WE CAN
TO FIND HOMES
FOR ALL OF 'EM,
BUT WE ONLY GO UNTIL THE END
OF THE WEEK.
IT'S MESSED UP,
I KNOW.
IT'S REAL
MESSED UP.
[MAA]
Max: I COULDN' BELIEVE IT.
SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE,
BUT WHAT?
I THOUGHT MAYBE MY PARENTS
MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA.
THEY DID.
WE'RE MOVING?!
YEAH.
FOGE WANTS ME TO HEAD UP
THE NEW DIVISION.
I-I CAN' BELIEVE THIS. WHEN?
FRIDAY.
THIS FRIDAY?
MAN, THIS IS
TOTALLY UNFAIR!
I MEAN, MY--
MY LIFE IS HERE,
MY--MY FRIENDS
ARE HERE.
Don: YEAH,
WE KNOW THAT, MAX.
BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY
GONNA MAKE PLENTY
OF NEW FRIENDS
IN CHICAGO.
CH-CHICAGO?!
[SPUTTERS]
THIS WAS GONNA BE
MY YEAR. HERE.
Lily: SWEETIE,
WE KNOW THIS IS
HARD ON YOU.
IT'S HARD
ON ALL OF US.
WELL, THEN I HAVE
A GREAT, GREAT IDEA.
LET'S NOT GO.
FOGE IS MY BOSS.
HE'S COUNTING ON ME.
CAN'T YOU
JUST SAY NO?
NO. IT'S NO THAT SIMPLE.
THIS BITES.
HE'LL BE FINE.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[GLASS BREAKS]
Megan: BUT, MAX,
CHICAGO'S, LIKE,
1,000 MILES AWAY.
YEAH, BETTER TELL
YOUR PARENTS
TO WATCH OU FOR CARJACKERS.
THESE GUYS'LL JUS COME UP TO YOU
AT STOPLIGHTS
AND TAKE YOUR CAR AWAY.
I SAW IT ON 20/20.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL I THE MOTOR CITY.
MAYBE YOU COULD
HIRE A LAWYER
AND LEGALLY
EMANCIPATE YOURSELF.
YOU CAN STAY WITH ME.
I'LL ASK MY MOM.
Robe: YEAH.
MY DAD'LL GIVE YOU
A JOB HERE
AT THE JUNKYARD.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NICE TRY, GUYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FACE IT,
I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN FOGED.
[BRAKES SCREECH]
[GASPS]
UHH.
WE MEET AGAIN, PAPERBOY.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Max: OK.
EVIL ICE CREAM MAN, ME.
YOU'RE WONDERING WHY,
RIGHT?
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
Max: UNHH!
AHH!
[ICE CREAM MAN STAMMERS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Max: WELL, I ONCE
FOUND A COCKROACH
IN MY SNOW CONE.
MY MOM CALLED
THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT,
AND HE GOT NAILED.
HE'S BEEN TRYING
TO NAIL ME EVER SINCE.
[SIREN BLARING]
DRAT! THE FUZZ!
THIS ISN'T OVER, PAPERBOY!
[RADIO SQUAWKS]
HELLO, OFFICER.
SNOW DOODLE?
Boy: HEY, LOOK,
IT'S DUMPSTER BOY.
IT'S REEKY STINKO,
THE GARBAGE KID.
[KIDS LAUGH]
Robe: HA, REEKY STINKO.
HE JUST MADE THAT UP.
NOW, THAT'S GOOD.
Megan: HEY, MAX,
CHECK IT OUT.
I MADE UP
SOME FLYERS
TO HELP SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU AND I COULD PUT 'EM
UP AROUND SCHOOL?
Max: WHY BOTHER?
A FLYER'S NOT GONNA
MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
COVER ME.
I'M GOING IN.
Jindraike: AAAH.
HE MOVES, HE FAKES.
RANGOON, THINK FAST.
[SHATTERING]
NICE HANDS.
NOW, PICK UP THE BALL
AND PUT IT IN THE CASE.
IT'S FROM KNEBWORTH'S
CITY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
I'M GOING
ON MY WALKABOUT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
MRS. RANGOON,
WHAT'S THIS?
SOME OF THE KIDS
ARE TRYING TO SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER
DOWN THE STREET.
KIDS? WHAT KIDS?
YOU KNOW, THE ONES
WITH THE SENSE OF CARING
AND CIVIC DUTY.
YOU THERE. CEASE!
WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS?
HEY, I DIDN'T DO THAT.
SO YOU WANT TO SAVE
THE FILTHY
LITTLE BEASTS, EH?
PERHAPS YOU WANT ME TO
GIVE THE ANIMALS MY CAR?
DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE
MY CAR TO THE SMELLY GOAT?
GOATS...DON'T DRIVE, SIR.
I DON'T CARE WHA YOU WANT ME TO DO.
THE SMELLY GOA WILL NEVER GET MY CAR.
EVER.
THE ANIMALS
HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.
SOME CREEP'S
CLOSING DOWN THE SHELTER.
I'M CLOSING DOWN
THE SHELTER, SILLY...
BOY.
[STAMMERS] WHAT?
ALL I NEED NOW IS
THE RIGHT BULLDOZER.
I'M THINKING
BIG AND YELLOW.
WHERE DID YOU THINK
I WAS GOING TO BUILD
KNEBWORTH STADIUM,
IN YOUR HOUSE? HA HA.
YOUR HOUSE.
THAT'S RICH.
THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM.
[SPRAYS]
WHOA.
BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL
HE'S REALLY BAD
AND TOTALLY CHILL
BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL
Kids: FREAK WITH ROBE?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
HIT THE SHOWERS.
[SIGHS]
COME ON, LADIES.
[GASPS AND MOANS]
HELLO, FREAK.
Robe: LET ME OUT!
[LAUGHTER]
COME ON, LET ME OUT!
WHAT'S GOING ON, HUH?
McGINTY'S LATEST VICTIM.
YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT.
HA HA HA.
Robe: LET ME OUT!
COME ON!
LET ME OUT!
MAN.
COME ON, LET ME OUT.
ALL RIGHT, OK.
COME ON, MAX.
OK. IT'S OK.
[GROANS]
HE'S A LITTLE
CLAUSTROPHOBIC,
SO HE MIGHT--
[ROBE RETCHES]
[VOMIT SPLASHES, CROWD GROANS]
HURL.
[CROWD GROANS]
WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY
GOOD CHILI OMELET.
[GROANING]
LET ME CHECK
THE LATEST RATES.
[BEEPS]
Dobbs: THAT'S $3.00
FOR NUMBER ONE,
AND $5.00
FOR NUMBER TWO.
I HAVE A BLADDER PROBLEM.
SORRY TO HEAR IT.
McGinty: KEEBLE.
GET OFF ME!
I WORKED REALLY HARD
ON THAT DISPLAY.
EXCUSE ME.
NEW CUSTOMERS.
Dobbs: CAN I HELP YOU,
GENTLEMEN?
NO THANKS.
KEEBLE, SHUT UP.
YUCCH.
HOW MUCH
FOR A SWIRLIE?
TAKE STALL NUMBER 4.
NO, NO.
COME ON, TROY.
NO CHARGE.
THANKS, MAN.
[GRUNTS] CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?
I'M GONNA GE MY HAIR WET.
COME ON, TROY!
OW! COME ON!
[FLUSHING]
WATER.
A RECURRING GEOGRAPHICAL
FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY
TO DEVELOP.
FOR EXAMPLE,
RIVERS, SPRINGS...
MR. KEEBLE?
YOU'RE TARDY,
AND YOU'RE DRIPPING.
I HAVE RULES AGAINST BOTH.
NOW, CLASS, ANOTHER
FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY TO
DEVELOP IS A CODE OF RULES.
WITHOUT RULES, SOCIETY
WOULD COMPLETELY COLLAPSE.
DO YOU AGREE WITH
THAT STATEMENT, MR. KEEBLE?
I GUESS SO.
I GUESS YOU'LL WRITE ME
A 2,000-WORD ESSAY
ON THE SUBJECT.
[MURMURING AND LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
WHICH I WILL LOOK FORWARD
TO SEEING ON MY DESK
DRIP-DRY FRIDAY!
THIS FRIDAY?
THIS FRIDAY!
[IDEA BELL JINGLES]
Max: WAIT.
FRIDAY WAS THE DAY
I WAS MOVING,
AND THIS TEACHER
WAS MEAN.
SHE LET DOBBS
STEAL MY MONEY.
SHE WANTED TO PUNISH ME
WHEN IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
BUT IF I WASN' GONNA BE HERE,
WHAT COULD SHE REALLY
DO TO ME, RIGHT?
IT WAS TIME
TO TAKE A STAND.
HOW COME I CAN' DO THE ESSAY
RIGHT NOW?
NOW, CLASS...
[GASPS]
MMM. THAT'S GOOD.
[APPLE BANGS, KIDS LAUGH]
Max:
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY
DOES NEED
A SET OF RULES.
OTHERWISE,
PEOPLE COULD DO THIS.
OOPS.
[GASPS]
DID I SAY 2,000 WORDS?
MAKE THAT 4,000!
OR...THIS.
[CLASS GASPING]
MAKE THAT 8,000 WORDS,
AND TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW!
8,000 WORDS?
THAT'S KID STUFF.
HOW 'BOUT 12,000 WORDS?
DO I HEAR 12,000 WORDS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
Together:
12,000 WORDS!
SOLD! 12,000 WORDS!
GET OFF MY DESK!
OKEE-DAY.
Mrs. Talia: OHHH.
YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE,
MR. KEEBLE.
[KIDS LAUGH]
YEAH
SEE YA.
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
Max: NO CONSEQUENCES.
I COULD DO ANYTHING
I WANTED.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
IF YOU'RE EVER
IN THE WINDY CITY,
LOOK ME UP.
Max: AND NOW, ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO HAD TRIED TO RUN US DOWN,
MESS US UP,
PUSH US AROUND,
WERE IN
FOR A LITTLE SURPRISE.
TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA
HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.
DIDN'T I?
YES, I DID. YES, I DID.
WAIT, SEE
I DO WHATEVER MOVES ME
I'M CLOSING DOWN
THE SHELTER.
Ms. Dingman: PHEROMONES--
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
I KEEP MY MONEY
IN A PIGGY BANK.
IT JUST LOOKS LIKE YOU.
Max: AFTER ALL,
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE BOYS.
ALL I NEEDED WAS
A LITTLE BIT OF HELP.
Max: BECAUSE I'M
OUTTA HERE IN 2 DAYS.
DON'T YOU SEE?
THIS ISN'T JUST A PLAN.
IT'S--IT'S
A PLANETARIUM.
LOOK, I'M GONNA BE
THE ONE THEY COME AFTER,
BUT I'M NO GONNA BE HERE,
AND THAT--THA IS THE BEAUTY OF IT.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS WON' EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M UP TO.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS HELP ME OUT.
AND WE'LL HAVE--
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
PLAUSIBLE
DENIABILITY.
YEAH, DID YOU
JUST MAKE THAT UP?
SO WE ALL DOWN
FOR THE CAUSE?
ONE QUESTION.
CAN'T WE JUST HAVE
A GOING-AWAY PARTY INSTEAD?
WE WILL,
A HUGE BLOWOUT,
WHEN THIS IS OVER.
SO?
[GIRL SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY]
MARCHING CALL!
[MOANING]
[SONG PLAYS,
INDISTINCT LYRICS]
[GRUNTS]
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
FROZE YOUR ASSETS, MAN.
LET'S SEE WHA WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT.
HEY!
STEP OFF,
CAPITALIST TOOL.
Dobbs: MAN, WHY DON'T YOU
GO GET A REAL JOB, FOOL?
Dobbs: MAN,
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU,
THEIR LUNCH MONEY
IS MINE, VENDOR.
[GASPS]
[INHALES]
[GROWLS]
HA HA HA.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
TRADING HOURS ARE OVER.
[GRUNTING]
AAH--OHH!
HELLO, VLADIMIR.
AAH!
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME TO PLAY
A GAME WITH YOUR--
HMM.
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
MacGOOGLE--
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND--
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
THE CITIZENS
OF CURTIS JUNIOR HIGH
THAT WE ARE NOW
T-MINUS...SEVERAL HOURS
UNTIL THE SUPERINTENDEN KNEBWORTH VISIT.
THAT IS ALL.
THANK YOU.
[RUSTLING AND RATTLING]
[CHUCKLING]
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
I'M A WALRUS, HEY.
[LAUGHS]
THE CAMERA'S
STILL ON!
[ALL LAUGHING]
[BELL RINGS]
OK.
I'M OK.
SORRY.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST THA WE HAVE TO BE
VERY CAREFUL
WITH THE LAB EQUIPMENT.
OUR BUDGET IS VERY TIGHT...
THANKS TO THE NEW
FOOTBALL PROGRAM.
45 CENTS. COOL.
LET'S CHECK
MY GROSSES TODAY.
WHERE'S MY HANDHELD?
HEY, MISTER,
MY FUDGESICLE'S MELTING!
Ice Cream Man: OH, IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE MELTING.
PEOPLE PAY EXTRA
FOR THAT.
NOW, BEAT IT!
ALL OF YOU, BEAT IT!
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
Max: THE HEAT IS ON!
FARTKNOCKER!
EVIL ICE CREAM MAN'S
GOING DOWN.
HOW GREAT.
I SURE AM GONNA
MISS YOU GUYS.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL
MAKE NEW FRIENDS IN CHICAGO.
RIGHT, MAX?
I--I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
I NEVER REALLY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
Robe: HEY, MAYBE
YOU'LL MEET KIDS
EXACTLY LIKE US
IN EVERY WAY.
YOU KNOW,
LIKE CLONES.
[CHUCKLES]
YEAH. MAYBE I WILL.
Megan: WELL, THERE'S STILL
YOUR GOING-AWAY PARTY.
THERE'S GONNA BE A CAKE
AND EVERYTHING.
I BAKED IT.
Robe: YEAH,
DON'T FORGET.
TOMORROW, 4:00,
HOUSE OF ROBE.
I'M PROVIDING
THE ICE CREAM.
[CHUCKLES]
Ice Cream Man:
WHAT'S GOING ON?!
IT'S MELTING!
HEY, MAX?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
[BEEPS]
STUFF.
GETTING READY
FOR THE BIG MOVE
KIND OF STUFF?
MM-HMM.
I'M SORRY WE
SPRUNG THIS ON YOU, MAX,
BUT IT WAS SORT OF SPRUNG
ON ME THE SAME WAY.
UH-HUH.
OK. TSK.
WHAT IF I DIDN' TAKE THE JOB?
WHAT THEN?
A HOME,
THE FOOD WE EAT,
THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR--
THAT TAKES
A LOT OF MONEY.
I JUST CAN'T SEE
WHY WE CAN'T STAY.
WELL...
SOMETIMES IN LIFE,
YOU GOTTA DO THINGS
THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE
WHO HAVE POWER OVER YOU
TELL YOU TO DO THEM.
NO, DAD, I MEAN,
IF YOU RISE UP
AND--AND--AND SHOW
THAT YOU'RE NOT AFRAID,
THOSE PEOPLE
WILL NO LONGER HAVE
CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH MAX?
WHO ARE YOU? REALLY?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
GOOD NIGHT, KIDDO.
SEE YA.
[BEEPS]
UNHH.
[OBJECT CLATTERING]
OHH.
[PANTS]
[KEYS JINGLING]
[GRUNTS] NO.
[FLATULENT NOISE]
[CLICKING]
THE WINDOW WAS OPEN.
[SIGHS]
Robe: WHOA!
[CRASH]
Together: ROBE.
THE COMPUTER.
I'LL GE THE BREATH SPRAY.
[BEEP]
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
[TYPING ON KEYBOARD]
[BEEPING]
Megan: WHOA.
WHAT?
CHECK IT OUT.
JINDRAIKE'S USING
ALL THE SCHOOL'S MONEY
TO BUILD HIS STUPID
FOOTBALL STADIUM.
WE CAN'T LET HIM
GET AWAY WITH THAT.
NOW HIS BREATH'LL BE
PHEROMONE FRESH.
[THUMPS, PANTS]
OH, YEAH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME. I'M FINE.
[WHISPERS] Here you go.
AND NOW WE ADD
A LITTLE DECORATION.
WHOA!
COME ON, LET'S GE OUT OF HERE.
[GRUNTS]
OW! OW!
ROBE!
COME ON, MAN!
LET'S GO!
YEAH, I'M TRYING.
Max: MORNING, MOM.
Lily: HI, SWEETIE.
WHATCHA DOING?
YOU KNOW,
YOU JUST START OU BY TRYING TO PACK
EVERYTHING REALLY FAST,
AND THEN
YOU GET CAUGHT UP
IN ALL THIS OLD STUFF.
[SIGHS] REMEMBER HOW
THE KITCHEN LOOKED
WHEN WE FIRST MOVED IN?
BEFORE IT WAS PERFECT?
[CHUCKLES]
NOT REALLY.
I WAS 4.
[LAUGHS] RIGHT. MMM.
[SIGHS]
SORRY ABOU THE SHORT NOTICE, MAX.
YOU HAVING TO LEAVE YOUR
FRIENDS AND EVERYTHING.
AH, IT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST,
I WAS REALLY BUMMED OUT,
BUT NOT EVERYTHING'S
BAD ABOUT MOVING.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER
KEEPS SAYING.
I HOPE
YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.
[CHUCKLES]
[SONG PLAYS,
LYRICS INDISTINCT]
[CROWD GASPS]
All: TROY McGINTY?
HOW 'BOUT THAT?
OK, NO, I WON' DO THAT ANYMORE.
I--I PROMISE.
I PROMISE.
OHH. I LIED. SORRY.
[LIGHT SWITCHES ECHO]
[DOOR OPENS]
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
NO.
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
NO.
[SINGING]
NO, NOT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
AAAH!
AAAH!
MORE COMMEMORATIVE RED,
WHITE, AND BLUE STREAMERS.
CRAZY LEGS KNEBWORTH.
WHAT A CHAMPION HE WAS.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[HORN HONKS]
COME ON, YOU IDIOT.
[SPRAYS]
[NEIGHS]
[BLEATING]
[ANIMAL NOISES]
[ANIMALS QUIET]
HE'S COMING!
HE'S COMING!
STRAIGHTEN UP.
STRAIGHTEN UP.
BETTER. READY?
AND...
[PLAYING]
AAH!
Jindraike:
AT LAST! AT LAST!
THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL
BEEN WAITING FOR.
AH HA HA HA HA.
CRAZY LEGS.
YOU LOOK FIT.
ELLIOT.
IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.
I AGREE COMPLETELY.
SLIP ME THAT BISCUIT.
OOH, THAT'S A HOT ONE.
SMILE.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Max: OK. THE REASON JINDRAIKE
HAS A NEW FOOTBALL PROGRAM
IS TO IMPRESS THIS GUY--
SUPERINTENDENT KNEBWORTH.
YOU SEE, JINDRAIKE
WANTS HIS JOB SO BAD,
HE'D EAT HIS SOCKS.
HOW IT SADDENS ME
TO THINK OF YOUR
RETIREMENT, CRAZY LEGS.
WHAT AN INSPIRATION
YOU'VE BEEN TO US ALL.
IN FACT, I'VE COLLECTED
SOME MEMENTOS
FROM YOUR GLORY DAYS.
WELL.
REMEMBER THIS?
EWW!
IT'S YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP
JOCKSTRAP.
WE WASHED IT. HA HA.
[SNIFFS] WASH IT AGAIN.
WHAT'S THIS?
ALLOW ME TO PRESENT...
KNEBWORTH STADIUM.
[CROWD CHEERS,
BAND PLAYS]
Knebworth:
KNEBWORTH STADIUM.
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO
DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
I DIDN'T APPROVE
ANY CAPITAL EXPENDITURES
FOR CURTIS.
THE USUAL--
BAKE SALES, CAR WASHES,
AND CUTTING BACK
ON A FEW NON-ESSENTIAL
ITEMS HELPS, TOO.
FIRE EXTINGUISHERS,
MILK...
EXCUSE ME?
MOVING ALONG--
HAVE YOU SEEN THE TOILETS?
NO COMPLAINTS,
NO COMPLAINTS.
I NEED 5 LAPS TO--
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S WEIRD.
WHO TURNED OU THE LIGHTS?
[McGINTY MOANS]
[SHIVERING]
Boy: HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S McGINTY!
[ALL LAUGHING]
WHAT THE--
HEY, BREAK IT UP.
BREAK IT UP.
McGINTY.
[QUAVERING] HE'S...
GONNA EAT ME.
WHAT?
MacGOOGLES.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
"LOOK WHO'S CRYING NOW."
WOULD YOU GUYS
GET OUT OF HERE?
SO THE SECOND TEACHER
SAYS, "I AGREE.
THAT'S WHY THEY
CALL IT A LOUNGE." HA.
[SPRAYS]
[DOG BARKS, CAT MEOWS]
[SCREECHING]
[CHATTERS]
WELL, HERE WE ARE
IN THE CURTIS
JUNIOR HIGH LIBRARY.
HMM. SMALLISH.
YES, BUT WE'RE
BIGGISH ON BOOKS.
ESPECIALLY SPORTS BOOKS.
[CHUCKLES]
HMM.
OF COURSE, THE ONE WE'RE
WAITING FOR IS CRAZY LEGS--
THE BOBBY KNEBWORTH STORY.
[SIGHS]
[SQUIRREL CHATTERS]
[SQUEAKS]
OHH! OOH! OH!
[YELLS]
[SQUIRREL CHATTERING]
[STAMMERING]
OHH!
DIDN'T I ORDER NEW COMPUTER
WORKSTATIONS THIS YEAR?
[SCREAMS]
[SQUEAKS]
JINDRAIKE?
WE'RE HAVING THEM
UPGRADED.
[SQUIRREL CHATTERING]
Knebworth:
HMM. OK.
WELL...
IF IT ISN' MY FAVORITE CUSTOMER.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU,
PLUMP DADDY?
WHAT'S THIS?
WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
[BEEPS]
[READING]
SOMEBODY'S MESSING
WITH ME.
HEY, CAN I TRY
THE SOUP?
EVERYTHING SET?
I GUESS SO,
BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW THIS IS GONNA HELP
SAVE THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
IT'S ALL PAR OF THE PLAN.
MAX...
WHAT?
[INHALES] I DON'T KNOW.
[UTENSIL CLATTERS]
I'D JUST RATHER
SPEND OUR LAST DAY
HANGING OUT THAN DOING
ALL THIS SPY STUFF.
UHH!
OW! WHAT THE--
BIG OAF.
[PANTING]
THEY'RE COMING!
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.
YOU READY?
CHECK.
LUNCH...
IS...
SERVED.
CHECK
AND MATE.
AAH!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
HA HA HA HA.
WHO THREW THAT?
[CHUCKLES]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
HA HA HA HA HA!
Sugar Ray: AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
FOOD FIGHT!
AIM FOR ME,
HIT IT
IT'S A GREAT BIG WORLD
NOTHING
DON'T BELIEVE
IN NOTHING ANYWAY
STILL GOT A LOT TO LEARN
BUT WE STARTED OU WITH NOTHING
WITH MY FRIENDS
WE'RE GOING ON OUR WAY
STOP THA THIS INSTANT!
YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
OH! I SAW THAT,
YOUNG MAN!
AAH!
I'M TAKING NAMES!
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AAH!
AIM FOR ME
THEY'LL TRY
TO COUNT YOU OUT
BUT YOU GOTTA
COUNT YOURSELF IN
IF I GET MY SHIRT DIRTY,
MY MOM'S GONNA KILL ME!
NOT SAYING
THAT I'M RIGHT
SEE THE TROUBLE
THAT WE'VE BEEN IN
"JELL-O HELLO."
NO. "CAFETERIA HYSTERIA."
WHEN IT'S SAID AND DONE
AND YOU'VE GOT US
ON THE RUN
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AAH!
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE
YOU'RE ALL SUSPENDED!
YOU'RE SO FAR FROM HOME
AIM FOR ME
HA HA HA HA HA!
AIM FOR ME,
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME, AAAH
AAAH!
AAH!
WHAT THE--
OHH!
THAT'S IT!
ROBE DID IT! AAH!
[LAUGHING]
AAH!
[SHRIEKS]
[LAUGHS]
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE,
AND YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
SO FAR FROM HOME
WHEN IT'S SAID AND DONE
OHH! AAH!
NOT HAVING FUN! OW!
AAH!
AND NOW,
ONTO THE PIECE
DE RESISTANCE.
THE JEWEL IN
THE CROWN OF CURTIS.
THE CAFETERIA.
[WHOOPING AND YELLING]
Robe: IT'S MUSTARD!
YOU CAN'T KETCHUP,
'CAUSE IT'S MUSTARD!
YEAH!
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE,
AND YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
SO FAR FROM HOME
PLEASE BELIEVE ME
WHEN I TELL YOU,
THIS IS MY GIF TO YOU.
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
CEASE!
[MOTOR SPUTTERS, DIES]
SIR, I ASSURE YOU,
THIS BEHAVIOR
SIR, I ASSURE YOU,
THIS BEHAVIOR
IS UTTERLY
WITHOUT PRECEDENT.
PLUS, IT NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.
WHO?
WHO STARTED THIS?
Jindraike: IF THE CULPRI DOES NOT STEP FORWARD
THIS INSTANT,
SWIFT AND HORRIBLE
RETRIBUTION
AWAITS EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.
AAH!
[STUDENTS LAUGH
WHILE MONKEY SCREECHES]
[GROANING AND COUGHING]
[SIGHS]
THIS PLACE IS NUTS.
CRAZY LEGS!
WAIT!
UHH!
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[STUDENTS TALKING
AND LAUGHING]
PBBBT!
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE
CALLING ME OUT THERE?
THE MacGOOGLER.
TROY, EASY. NOW,
I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU THROUGH
A CHILDHOOD
REGRESSION PROCESS.
IT MAY BRING UP
SOME UNPLEASANT MEMORIES,
BUT I THINK YOU'LL FIND I HELPFUL IN THE END.
ALL RIGHTY?
MM-HMM.
NOW, GIVE
MR. MacGOOGLES A HUG.
AAH! AAH!
HE'S GONNA EAT ME!
[WHIMPERING]
WE'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO.
I WANT MY COIL.
I WANT MY HANDHELD!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK?
I SAID
"I WANT MY HANDHELD."
YOU WANT YOUR HANDHELD?
YEAH. YOU HEARD ME.
I SAID,
"I WANT MY HANDHELD."
YOU WANT ME
TO HOLD YOUR HAND?
NO!
NEED SOMEBODY TO HOLD
HIS HAND. LITTLE BABY.
LITTLE--
GIVE ME THE COIL!
OH, THIS? HUH? HUH?
UHH!
NO!
OH!
[INDISTINC OVERLAPPING YELLING]
HUH?
HUH?
AAH!
AAH!
YEEHAW!
MEH-MEH-MEH,
MEH-MEH-MEH.
GOOD, TROY! NOW...
CAN YOU HELP ME
FIND A LINK
BETWEEN MacGOOGLES
AND YOUR FEARS?
WAS IT SOMETHING
FROM YOUR PAS OR SOMEBODY?
KEEBLE!
KEEBLE!
KEEBLE.
HEY, MAX.
HI, JENNA.
DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT?
I'M MEETING SOME FRIENDS
AT BUDDIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I ACTUALLY GOTTA
KINDA BE SOMEWHERE.
OH, COME ON.
STAY FOR ONE MILK SHAKE.
IT'LL BE FUN.
WELL...
ONE MILK SHAKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
OK. ALL RIGHT.
ONE...
MILK SHAKE.
HIT ME BABY,
ONE MORE TIME
[CHANTING "KEEBLE"]
[CHEERING]
[BELCHES]
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
SO, YOU ACTUALLY
DID SET UP
THAT WHOLE
MONKEY THING
AT THE CAFETERIA?
WELL, ACTUALLY,
TAD IS A CHIMPANZEE.
YOU'RE SO DEVIOUS.
WELL, IT'S REALLY PART OF
MY WHOLE NEW ATTITUDE--
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL
MY PHAT-ITUDE.
YO! DON'T CROWD
THE MAN, DUDE.
HE HAS PHAT-ITUDE.
GIT!
[INHALES]
[POP]
I WONDER WHERE MAX IS?
[HIGH-PITCHED]
DON'T WORRY. HE'LL BE HERE.
[SPRAYS]
SCHOOL IS OUT,
LET'S ENJOY THE HEAT
IT'S ALL YOU NOW, DO IT LIKE
YOU'RE PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS
DESTROYED RIGHT HERE
FOR YOU TO MAKIN' IT CHEAP
OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL,
COME ON, WIGGLE WITH ME
JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
YOU WANT IT,
YOU GOT IT, AHH
YOU WANT IT,
BABY, YOU GOT IT
Max: MEGAN, WAIT!
YOU WANT IT,
YOU GOT IT, AHH
DON'T WORRY ABOUT US.
JUST GO BACK TO YOUR PARTY.
IT'S NOT A PARTY.
I WAS JUST--
I WAS JUST COMING
TO SEE YOU GUYS.
WHATEVER.
I GUESS WE'RE JUST NO COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT.
BUT MEGAN--SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE REALLY LIKES YOU.
ROBE, WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE BEEN WAITING.
NOW I'M GOIN' HOME.
HAVE A NICE LIFE
IN CHICAGO.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
WELL, CAN YOU TELL HER
THAT I CALLED?
Megan's mom: SURE.
AND THAT I'M REALLY,
REALLY SORRY.
I'LL TELL HER, MAX.
THANKS.
AND DON'T FORGE THE SORRY PART PLEASE.
I WON'T.
THANK YOU. BYE.
HEY, CHAMP.
YOU SEEN YOUR MOM?
HEY, HONEY,
CAN YOU COME HERE QUICK?
I GOT BIG NEWS.
WHAT'S UP?
GUESS WHAT?
WE'RE NOT MOVING.
[CRASH]
WE'RE NOT?
UH-UH. I FINALLY GAVE FOGE
SOME OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.
Lily: YOU FOGED FOGE?
Don: YEAH. I QUIT.
WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE.
I'M GONNA STAR MY OWN BUSINESS.
Lily: OH, SWEETIE!
NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE BIG CHEESE!
HA HA!
HA HA!
NOT ANYMORE!
WAIT! WE'RE NOT MOVING?
UH-UH.
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S SO HAPPY,
HE CAN'T SPEAK!
HA HA HA!
Don: HEY, HONEY,
CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS OFF?
I SURE CAN!
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GET I OVER MY HEAD WITH THE GLOVES.
T WAS I GONNA DO?
I HAD TO GET OUT OF THIS.
MAX, THIS IS
GONNA BE GREAT.
I FINALLY GET TO
BE MY OWN BOSS.
BUT, DAD, WHAT ABOU YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES--
THE HOUSE, THE FOOD,
MY CLOTHES?
WHAT ABOUT MY CLOTHES?
DO YOU WANT TO WEAR RAGS?
MAX, I OWE I ALL TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT HELPED ME REALIZE
FOGE WAS NOTHING
BUT A BULLY.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU,
I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
THE COURAGE
TO STAND UP TO HIM.
I'M JUST A KID!
WHAT DO I KNOW?
YOU OK? YOU SEEM
A LITTLE JUMPY.
YES! YEAH.
YOU SURE?
YEAH. I'M COOL.
SO, SEE YOU
TONIGHT.
UH, YEAH.
YEAH.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
MAYBE.
Max: MAYBE?
WHO WAS I KIDDING?
I WAS GRADE-A DEAD MEAT,
AND I KNEW IT.
WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW
IS THAT I'VE LEFT MY
FRIENDS IN THE SAME BOAT.
IT'S GONNA BE A
LONG YEAR FOR YOU, SLIM.
I'M GONNA POUND YOU
EVERY DAY.
AND ALL THANKS TO
YOUR GOOD FRIEND KEEBLE.
CATCH YOU AROUND, HUH?
GREAT.
LET'S JUST ROUND IT OFF
TO ALL YOUR MONEY FOREVER.
FROM HERE ON IN,
YOU WORK FOR ME.
HEH HEH! YEAH.
Max: IN FACT, THE ENTIRE
SCHOOL WAS GOING TO SUFFER
BECAUSE OF ME.
OH, STOP SMILING.
THIS IS NOT A HAPPY PLACE.
[CRASH]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
FIND MAX KEEBLE. I'D LIKE
TO SPEAK TO HIM AT ONCE.
YOU BETTER
BOOK A FLIGHT.
WHAT?
MAX KEEBLE
MOVED TO CHICAGO.
I JUST FORWARDED
HIS FILE.
[SCREAMING, BREAKING GLASS,
AND CAT YOWLING]
MRS. RANGOON, A MOMEN OF YOUR TIME, PLEASE.
SOMEONE'S GO SOMETHING IMPORTAN TO SAY TO THE STUDENTS.
SOMEONE'S GOT SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTAN TO SAY TO THE STUDENTS,
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHO THAT SOMEONE IS,
MRS. RANGOON?
IT'S ME, MRS. RANGOON.
HMM. YEAH.
AND WAIT TILL THEY HEAR IT.
Jindraike on P.A.:
ATTENTION, STUDENTS.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE OF YESTERDAY'S
CRIMES AGAINST THE SCHOOL,
INSTIGATED BY YOUR FORMER
CLASSMATE MAX KEEBLE,
THE FOLLOWING
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
ARE NOW SUSPENDED--
ART, MUSIC, P.E.,
FUN!
SUSPENDED,
DISCONTINUED, DEFUNCT!
GREAT. YOUR BOYFRIEND
MAX KEEBLE
JUST GOT US HOSED.
HE'S JUST MY PAPERBOY.
HMM. I NEVER
REALLY LIKED HIM.
[THUD]
[LAUGHTER]
KEEBLE!
OK. TODAY, CLASS,
WE'RE GOING TO REVIEW
SOME OF THE ELEMENTS
OF GRAMMAR.
McGINTY SAYS
HE'S GONNA POUND ME
EVERY DAY FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
DOBBS SAYS I HAVE TO
GIVE HIM ALL OF MY MONEY...
FOREVER.
SOME PLAUSIBLE
DENIABILITY.
HI. DO YOU MIND IF I
HANG HERE FOR A WHILE,
BECAUSE THERE'S SOME
PEOPLE AFTER ME.
I DID SOME STUFF.
YEAH. YOU PROBABLY...
YEAH. I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THE CAFETERIA.
BUT JINDRAIKE
HAS NO RIGH TO DO WHAT HE'S DOING,
AND NOW
MY FRIENDS ARE GONNA GE WAILED ON BECAUSE OF ME,
AND I CAN'T DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
ANY KID CAN MAKE A MESS.
TAKES A MAN TO CLEAN IT UP.
Max: IT TOOK
A MAN WITH A PLUNGER
TO MAKE ME REALIZE
THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT I'D STOOD UP
TO THE BULLIES,
BUT ALL I'D REALLY DONE
WAS HIT AND RUN.
THAT'S NOT COURAGE.
THAT'S EX-COURAGE.
AS YOU KNOW, VERBS ARE WORDS
THAT DESCRIBE ACTIONS,
SO WHO CAN NAME A FEW?
BETRAY, DECEIVE, LIE.
Robe: HOW ABOUT BURN,
SCREW OVER,
STAB IN THE BACK?
HEH! UH-HUH.
ATTENTION STUDENTS,
THIS IS MAX KEEBLE SPEAKING.
FIRST I'D LIKE TO SAY TO
MY FRIENDS MEGAN AND ROBE
THAT I KNOW
THAT I ACTED LIKE A JERK,
AND I'M SORRY
FOR EVER GETTING YOU
INVOLVED IN THIS.
I SCREWED UP, BUT YOU
GUYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS,
AND THAT'S FOREVER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
TO SAY, BUT I'M SORRY.
IT PROBABLY DOESN' MATTER TO YOU ANYMORE,
BUT I'M NOT MOVING.
KEEBLE!
AND McGINTY AND DOBBS,
IT'S ME YOU WANT,
SO LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE.
I MAY HAVE RUN BEFORE, BUT I AM
ALL THROUGH RUNNING NOW.
YOU WANT ME, I'LL BE
IN THE PARKING LOT, 3:00.
CUT!
END OF BROADCAST!
THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU.
AH!
HELLO, MAX.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
ANYTHING I CAN GET FOR YOU?
SPARKLING WATER? SODA?
NO? OK.
YOU'VE ACTED
LIKE A CRIMINAL,
SO I'M GOING TO TREA YOU LIKE A CRIMINAL.
I'M NOT A CRIMINAL.
PEOPLE WHO DO CRIMES
ARE CRIMINALS, LIKE YOU.
YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL
BEFORE SLANDERING
YOUR PRINCIPAL'S
SPOTLESS REPUTATION
WITH WILD
AND GROUNDLESS CLAIMS.
THEY'RE NOT GROUNDLESS,
THEY'RE GROUND-FULL.
GROUND-FULL?
LOOK IT UP!
I SAW IT ON THE SCREEN.
YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING
FROM ALL THE SCHOOL BUDGETS
TO FUND YOUR STUPID
FOOTBALL STUFF.
SAW IT ON THE SCREEN,
DID YOU?
YEAH, AND IT'S TRUE.
YOU'RE A SMAR LITTLE BOY...
BUT SO AM I!
SO I FIDDLED
WITH THE BUDGET.
FIDDLESTICKS.
IT'S MY BUDGET.
SO WE HAVE FEWER TEXTBOOKS.
BIG DEAL.
TEXTBOOKS ARE FOR NERDS.
FEWER BAND INSTRUMENTS--
WHO CARES?
BAND IS FOR LOSERS.
COME ON!
OH!
SO THE JANITOR HAS TO
WORK OVERTIME FOR NO PAY.
HE SHOULD PAY ME
FOR THE PRIVILEGE!
[CRASH]
NOW, LET ME DESCRIBE
YOUR NEXT 24 HOURS.
I'M GOING TO METE OU A PUNISHMENT TO YOU
THAT IS SO SEVERE,
FUTURE GENERATIONS
WILL REFER TO I AS "THE KEEBLE."
THEY WILL BEG
ON BENDED KNEE--
"OH, PLEASE, SIR.
NOT THE KEEBLE, SIR.
"I SWEAR I'LL NEVER
MISBEHAVE AGAIN
IF YOU'LL JUST SPARE
ME...THE KEEBLE."
AND SPARE THEM
I SHALL, MAX,
FOR I AM
A MERCIFUL MAN.
YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS
ARE SO IMMENSE
THAT I WOULD BE
DELINQUENT--
[BEEPING]
Jindraike: MY BULLDOZER!
OH, GOODY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU DON'T KNOW!
YOU THOUGHT YOU SAVED
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
IT WOULD APPEAR--NOT!
NOW STAY THERE!
DON'T GO AWAY.
UHH!
HMM.
[HUMMING]
UHH!
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[STUDENTS TALKING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
JINDRAIKE'LL DO TO HIM?
WHAT DO YOU THINK
McGINTY AND
DOBBS'LL DO TO HIM?
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
MAYBE THEY'LL JUS FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
EVIL TROUBLE
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
OR MAYBE THEY'LL
RIP HIS HEAD OFF.
WE'VE GOT TO
DO SOMETHING.
COME ON.
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. DOBBS.
ALWAYS A PLEASURE,
McGINTY.
THIS IS GONNA BE EPIC.
"KEEBLE CANCELED."
HERE'S JINNY.
KEEBLE?
KEEBLE!
[LOCK CLICKS]
[GIGGLES]
SACRILEGE!
OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY!
[RATTLE]
CAGED LIKE AN ANIMAL.
IRONIC.
AAH!
[THUD]
OW!
SO, UH...
IS MY WATCH RUNNING FAST,
OR IS OUR KEEBLE FRIEND
RUNNING SCARED?
SOMEBODY LOOKING FOR ME?
KEEBLE, WELCOME TO
OUR PARKING LOT OF PAIN.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
[GROANING]
[BANGING]
YOU KNOW
HOW DOCTORS SAY,
"THIS ISN'T GONNA
HURT A BIT"?
WELL,
I'M NOT A DOCTOR,
AND NEITHER IS
McGINTY HERE.
HE'S RIGHT.
I'M NOT A DOCTOR.
YEAH!
OH, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S TOO BAD,
'CAUSE YOU'RE
GONNA NEED ONE.
UHH!
HOLD HIM!
LET HIM GO!
MEGAN, I'M HANDLING THIS!
SO AM I.
HA HA HA!
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT, HUH?
THIS. [PLAYS BEGINNING
TO WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT]
McGinty: OH.
OK.
[BAND PLAYING
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT]
HA HA HA HA!
[BAND FINISHES SONG]
[SARCASTIC]
I'M SO SCARED.
YOU SHOULD BE.
WE'RE TAKING BACK
OUR SCHOOL.
YEAH. NO MORE
BEING PUSHED AROUND.
NO MORE BEING STEPPED ON.
NO MORE MR. NOT-NICE GUY.
YOUR REIGN OF TERROR
OVER THE STUDENT BODY
HAS COME TO
AN ABRUPT HALT.
WHAT?
WHAT?
YES, PLEASE.
FROM NOW ON,
YOU HAVE TO PAY US
TO USE THE RESTROOM.
WE'RE PULLING
YOUR PLUG!
THROW 'EM IN THE DUMPSTER!
SWIRLIE!
YEAH!
GET 'EM!
[YELLING]
NO!
[CLATTER]
AHA! AHA! AH!
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA!
IT WAS HIS IDEA!
PUT ME DOWN!
WAIT!
WAIT!
WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
GETTING REVENGE
ON THE BULLIES.
BUT THAT MAKES US
THE SAME AS THEM.
DON'T YOU SEE?
I MEAN, I WENT ABOU ALL THIS THE WRONG WAY.
WE ARE NO BETTER
THAN THE BULLIES
IF WE DO EXACTLY
WHAT THE BULLIES DO.
I MEAN, WE ALL--
WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER
AND MAKE OUR SCHOOL A
BETTER PLACE FOR EVERYONE!
FOR YOU AND YOU AND YOU
AND EVEN YOU, WORRIED KID.
[SOBS]
MAN'S GOT A POINT.
YEAH!
WHAT SHOULD
WE DO WITH THEM?
LET 'EM GO.
NO!
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
HA HA HA!
[SOBBING]
WOW! HOW COOL ARE YOU?
YOU KNOW. JUST--
A BUNCH OF US ARE HAVING
A PARTY THIS WEEKEND.
NINTH GRADERS ONLY.
EXCEPT FOR YOU, MAX.
I'M SORRY. I CAN'T COME.
I'M MEETING SOMEBODY.
SHOO SHOO!
[LAUGHS]
WHATEVER.
NICE MOVE, MAX.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK NOT MOVING
WAS THE BEST MOVE OF ALL.
IT'S JINDRAIKE!
HE'S HEADING FOR
THE ANIMAL SHELTER!
Jindraike: THAT'S IT! RUN!
SCATTER LIKE
THE CHILDREN YOU ARE!
KNOCK, KNOCK. ANYBODY HOME?
[CRASH]
[BLEATING]
WHOA!
[THUD]
HUH?
GIDDYAP!
ALL RIGHT! WHO'S FIRST?!
[NEIGHING AND BLEATING]
I KNOW! HOW ABOU THE SMELLY GOAT?!
BAA!
NOT TODAY, JINDRAIKE.
THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, WHY
DON'T WE START WITH THE BOY
WHO TRIED TO SAVE
THE SMELLY GOAT?
I DO NOT FEAR YOUR
DARK POWERS, BALD ONE.
YOUR KUNG FU'S
NO GOOD HERE, MAX.
[SPRAYS]
[BARKING AND BLEATING]
OH, WHAT IS THAT--
EEK! EEK! PBBBT! PBBBT!
TRAITOR!
UHH!
HAH!
[BLEATING AND NEIGHING]
AAH!
UHH! UHH!
OOH!
WHOA!
WHOA!
[CHEERING]
CEASE!
HE DID IT!
ALL RIGHT, MAX!
Max: YEP! I DID IT!
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
THE ANIMAL SHELTER
WAS SAFE,
THE BULLIES WERE COOKED,
AND JINDRAIKE GOT FIRED FOR
FIDDLING WITH THE BUDGET.
AS FOR ME AND MY FRIENDS,
WELL, WE WERE JUST HAPPY
THAT THE FIRST WEEK
OF SCHOOL WAS OVER.
NOW WE COULD CHILL
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Ice Cream Man:
I'LL GET YOU, PAPERBOY!
Max: OH, MAN!
YOU WANT IT, BABY
YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
HUH, YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
ON THE DANCE FLOOR,
SHAKIN' IT UP
EVERYBODY GROOVIN',
DJ MIXIN' IT UP
WE COME TO PARTY
LET ME SEE YOU MOVE
YOUR FEET
GET IT GOIN' GIRL,
COME ON, DO IT WITH ME
MOVE YOUR HIPS LIKE THIS,
NOW BUMP TO THE BEAT
THIS IS IT, Y'ALL
LET'S TAKE I BACK TO THE STREET
SCHOOL IS OUT,
LET'S ENJOY THE HEAT
IT'S ALL YOU NOW, DO IT LIKE
YOU'RE PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS
DESTROYED RIGHT HERE
FOR YOU TO MAKIN' IT CHEAP
OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL,
COME ON, WIGGLE WITH ME
IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
SOMETHIN' I WANT TO TEACH
DO THE NEW DANCE,
IT'S CALLED THE MAX KEEBLE
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR
LIKE YOU DON'T CARE
WORKIN', JERKIN',
THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE
IF YOU WANT, LET ME SHOW YOU
HOW TO DO THAT THERE
THE BEAT WILL SURE MAKE YOU
WANT TO MOVE THAT THERE
WAVE YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR
LIKE EVERYWHERE
GET CAUGHT, EVERYBODY,
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY THAT
COME ON, STEP TO THE SIDE,
NOW GO TO THE POLLS
MORE, LITTLE MAMA,
KEEP ON YOUR TOES
STOP IN THE STOP OR NOT,
IT'S COLD
LET ME GET MY DANCE ON,
LET ME TAKE THE FLOOR
TAKE THE FLOOR,
TAKE THE FLOOR
GIVE MY NUMBER TO WAIT,
I GOT TO GO
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
DO THE NEW DANCE,
COME ON, WAVE YOUR HANDS
Max: IN A WORLD WHERE
THE MESSENGERS OF TRUTH,
THE COURIERS OF JUSTICE,
BRAVELY GO FORTH
TO COMPLETE THEIR
APPOINTED ROUTES...
[COMPUTER VOICE SPEAKING]
ONE LONE HERO STANDS OU AMONG THE REST.
Max: ONE FEARLESS RIDER
HAS THE FORTITUDE
TO DELIVER THE GOODS.
TO STAND UP TO THE FORCES
OF DARKNESS,
THE LEGIONS OF DOOM,
THE ARMIES OF OPPRESSION,
AND THE EVIL
ICE CREAM MAN.
PAPERBOY.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Ice Cream Man: WELCOME
TO THE ICE AGE, PAPERBOY!
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
Ice Cream Man:
I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM
WE ALL SCREAM
FOR ICE CREAM!
OH, NUTS! I FORGO THE SPRINKLES!
HA HA HA HA HA!
HEY, MAX.
OHH!
HMM! A TONY HAWK
SUNDAE!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
OH, THAT ICE CREAM MAN
SURE IS EVIL.
[HORNS BLARE]
[HORN HONKS]
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY,
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
HUH!
HUH!
HAH!
[KUNG FU MOVIE STYLE]
I WILL DEFEAT YOU
WITH MY COMPLICATED
FIGHTING MOVE.
WE SHALL SEE WHOSE KUNG FU
IS SUPERIOR. HYAH!
[MAKING KUNG FU
FIGHTING SOUNDS]
YAH!
OHH.
YAH!
PAPERBOY POWER!
AAH!
[THUD]
HA.
Ice Cream Man:
DIDN'T HURT!
YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU
CAN'T HIDE, PAPERBOY!
EVERYWHERE
GONNA DO EVERYTHING
GONNA DO MY BES TO REACH YOUR SKY
'CAUSE I DON'T CARE
WHOO-HOO!
HUH?
[TIRES SQUEALING]
YEAH!
PAPER?
WHAT TOOK YOU
SO LONG?
I, UH, STOPPED
FOR SOME ICE CREAM.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Both: AAH!
[BEEPING] GET OU OF BED, JABRODIE.
GET OUT OF BED,
JABRODIE.
GET OUT OF BED--OW!
HEH.
Max: OK, I DREAMED IT.
SO MAYBE MY LIFE REALLY
ISN'T LIKE THAT.
AND MAYBE I'M NO THE COOLEST KID EVER.
BUT TODAY WAS THE FIRST DAY
OF JUNIOR HIGH,
AND I WAS SURE THAT THINGS
WERE GONNA BE DIFFERENT.
YA-HA-HA!
I HAD A NEW LOOK.
I WAS A BALLER,
A SHOT-CALLER.
I WAS A PLAYER
WITH PHAT ATTITUDE.
OR, AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...
PHAT-ITUDE.
HI, MOM.
IT'S FINISHED.
THE HOUSE IS PERFECT.
JUST AS I'D ALWAYS
PICTURED IT.
BUT LET'S KEEP THA BETWEEN YOU AND ME, OK?
Max: MEET MY MOM.
SHE'S BEEN PUTTING
THE "FINISHING TOUCHES"
ON OUR HOUSE
FOR, LIKE, 6 YEARS.
YOU COULD SAY
SHE'S A BIT OBSESSED.
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
MY KITCHEN! MINE!
MORNING.
Max: THIS IS MY DAD.
HE WORKS IN ADVERTISING.
HIS BOSS, MR. FOGE,
MAKES HIM WEAR GOOFY
COSTUMES SOMETIMES.
LUCKILY, HE'S GOT US
FOR SUPPORT.
WHAT IS THAT?
HEH.
I'M, UH, LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.
FOR THE LOBSTER SHACK
PITCH TODAY?
DO YOU REALLY HAVE
TO WEAR THAT?
LILY, COME ON.
FOGE HAS GOT A DOZEN
JUNIOR AD EXECS
LINED UP BEHIND ME
WHO'D BE HAPPY TO BE
LIEUTENANT LOBSTER.
FOGED AGAIN.
Don: BUT JUS FOR THIS PITCH.
Max:
I BETTER BE OFF.
Lily:
OFF TO JUNIOR HIGH,
MY LITTLE SOLDIER
ALL GROWN UP. MM.
GOOD LUCK, HONEY.
Max:
THANKS, MOM.
DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.
OK, MOM.
Don: HEY, MAX?
YOU WANT A RIDE?
UM...THAT'S OK.
I'M GONNA
TAKE THE BUS.
YEAH, THE BUS.
RIGHT.
Max: YOU KNOW THAT KID
EVERYONE THINKS IS WEIRD,
BUT HE DOESN'T CARE
WHAT EVERYONE THINKS?
THIS IS HIM.
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
HIS NAME'S ROBERT, BUT WE
CALL HIM ROBE. GUESS WHY?
HEY, YOU GUYS!
Max: THIS IS MY OTHER BES FRIEND. HER NAME'S MEGAN.
SHE NEVER GOES ANYWHERE
WITHOUT HER CLARINET...
AAH!
[THUD]
OH!
[LAUGHTER]
Max: EVEN WHEN SHE
TAKES A TRIP.
YOU OK?
YEAH, I'M TOUGH
LIKE A TANK.
YEAH, THE SEPTIC TANK.
[LAUGHS]
SAYS THE FREAK
IN THE ROBE
THAT SMELLS
LIKE DIAPERS.
[MOCKING]
MAX, WHERE'S
YOUR BASSOON?
UM...MY BASSOON...
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA
TAKE BAND TOGETHER.
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
IT'S JUNIOR HIGH.
IS BAND STILL COOL?
COOL? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
SINCE WHEN HAVE
WE BEEN COOL?
ALL I'M SAYIN' IS,
LET'S TRY
TO ACT COOL.
SWEET! A CAN.
BLECH!
EWW!
TODAY
I CHANGED
BUT TOO LATE
'CAUSE EVERY TOWN
FEELS THE SAME
I'M DIFFERENT
AND YOU'RE DISTANT
ADD IT UP AND IT MAKES
NO DIFFERENCE
FOR THE YEARBOOK.
HOW'S THIS? "SHEEP
ARRIVE FOR SLAUGHTER"?
Kid: NO, NO, NO!
PLEASE! PLEASE!
DON'T MAKE ME GO!
I DON'T WANNA GO!
I DON'T WANNA GO!
DOES HE KNOW
SOMETHING WE DON'T?
Jindraike:
HERE THEY COME.
WITH THEIR PIMPLES
AND THEIR BRACES
AND THEIR RICKETS
AND THEIR LICE.
THEIR SNOT-NOSED,
BAGGY-PANTSED,
HIGH-PITCHED,
SQUEALING VOICES.
AND YET,
EACH ONE A RUNG
ON THE LADDER
OF MY SUCCESS.
A LADDER THAT ENDS
IN A VAST NEON SIGN
THAT STRETCHES ACROSS
THE NIGHT SKY.
Mrs. Rangoon:
PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE?
THESE CAME FROM YOUR
REAL-ESTATE AGENT.
THE SIGN, MRS. RANGOON.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?
"SUPERINTENDEN JINDRAIKE."
THE SIGN
ON MY OFFICE DOOR.
THAT'S WHA IT SHOULD SAY.
SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER
THAN "SUPERINTENDEN KNEBWORTH."
IT'S CLASSIER, TOO.
WHEN KNEBWORTH SEES
WHAT I'VE DONE HERE
IN HIS HONOR,
THE OLD DINOSAUR
IS SURE TO MAKE ME
HIS SUCCESSOR.
BUT, FIRST THINGS FIRST,
MRS. RANGOON.
SET UP THE VIDEO
BROADCAST MACHINE DEVICE.
[SPRAYS]
I WANT TO ADDRESS
THE ACNE-STRAFED MASSES.
OOH--AAH!
[CLATTER]
OW!
CURTIS JUNIOR HIGH
HAS A LONG
AND FASCINATING HISTORY
OF COLORFUL BULLIES.
YOU'RE LYING.
AM I?
IN 1985,
TOMATO-FACE CALLAHAN.
HE'D WALK RIGHT UP
TO YOU
AND SHOVE A TOMATO
IN YOUR FACE.
[GASPS]
Photographer: 1991,
WEDGIE JACKSON.
HE INVENTED THE
WORLD WIDE WEDGE.
[GASPS]
Photographer: WHICH
BRINGS US TO THIS YEAR.
Both: TROY McGINTY.
[GASPS]
Boy: WORD IS,
HE'S GONNA POUND
ON A DIFFERENT KID
EVERY DAY.
AND HE'S DEVISED
HIS OWN SPECIAL WY
OF LETTING
THE WORLD KNOW
WHO HE'S
COMING AFTER.
[CROWD GASPS]
Crowd: MAX KEEBLE?
HERE.
Teacher: ALL RIGHT.
JULIUS KLINGHOFFER.
HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
LIL'--LIL' ROMEO?
YO, WHUZZUP? I'M
OVER HERE, WO DAT.
OK.
LIL' ROMEO'S
IN THE HOUSE.
I'M DOWN WITH THAT.
TINA MICHAELS?
Jindraike on TV:
AND NOW...
THIS IS PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE.
ALL STUDENTS WILL REPOR TO THE ASSEMBLY HALL
DURING THIRD PERIOD
FOR A SPECIAL PRESENTATION.
ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY.
ALL MUST ATTEND.
NOT ATTENDING IS PROHIBITED.
THAT IS ALL.
THANK YOU.
YES! THE REVIEWS ARE IN.
HAA! JINDRAIKE,
2 THUMBS UP.
[LAUGHTER]
Jindraike:
I LAUGHED, I CRIED.
THE MAN'S A GENIUS.
Mrs. Rangoon:
PRINCIPAL JINDRAIKE!
WHAT IS IT NOW, RANGOON?
THE RED LIGHT'S
STILL ON.
I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.
[LAUGHING]
Boy:
DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!
GOOD MORNING.
I'M MS. DINGMAN,
AND WELCOME TO LIFE SCIENCE.
[WHIMPERS]
YOU OK?
I CAN'T FEEL
MY FINGERS.
[GULP]
...LIKE THIS.
PHEROMONES.
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
ODORLESS, COLORLESS.
IT'S HOW MANY SPECIES
ATTRACT MATES.
A CHEMICAL PROCESS
WHICH CAUSES
AN IRRESISTIBLE
ATTRACTION...
[STUDENTS GASP]
IN THE...AHEM...
OPPOSITE SEX.
[GULP]
ALLOW ME
TO DEMONSTRATE.
WOULD SOMEONE LIKE
TO OPEN THE WINDOW
FOR ME, PLEASE?
Boys: OOH!
OOH! OOH!
YOU IN THE...ROBE.
Boys: AW.
[BRACK]
[BRACK]
Boy: WOW,
THAT'S COOL!
Ms. Dingman:
YOU SEE?
IRRESISTIBLE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[BRITNEY SPEARS' ...BABY,
ONE MORE TIME PLAYING]
OH, BABY, BABY
EH, EH
[MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS]
ARE YOU OK?
YEAH! YEAH.
I'M FINE.
YOU LOOK KIND OF
FAMILIAR.
I DELIVER YOUR PAPER.
UM, I'M MAX, JENNA.
OH, YEAH.
SO, YOU GO TO SCHOOL
HERE NOW?
YOU PLAY
TH-THE CLARINET.
FIRST CHAIR.
I'M IN BAND, TOO.
I PLAY THE BASSOON.
HMM. WELL,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
I'LL SEE YOU,
UH, BASSOON.
SEE YOU BASSOON?
ECCH! STUPID!
MAX KEEBLE.
TROY!
TROY McGINTY,
HOW ARE YA?
FIRST VICTIM
OF THE YEAR THERE, BUDDY.
IT'S A BIG HONOR.
Max:
YOU KNOW THE GUY
YOU USED TO HANG OUT WITH
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE,
BUT AS YOU GOT OLDER YOU WEN IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS?
WELL, TROY McGINTY
WASN'T ALWAYS A BULLY.
I REMEMBER WHEN HE CAME
TO MY FOURTH BIRTHDAY.
THE THEME WAS
MacGOOGLES THE FROG.
MacGoogles the Frog:
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
I DON'T LIKE
MacGOOGLE!
HE'S NOT REAL, TROY.
HE'S JUS A TV CHARACTER.
IS THERE
A WEE LITTLE LADDIE
HAVIN' HIS BIRTHDAY TODAY?
MacGOOGLE! HE'S
TRYING TO EAT ME!
SCAREDY-CAT,
SCAREDY-CAT...
TROY, IT'S ME, MR. KEEBLE.
MacGOOGLES ATE
MAX'S DADDY!
AAH!
Max: TROY HAD GROWN
A LOT SINCE THEN.
WHOA! WHOA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
WHERE'S MAX?
I DON'T KNOW.
WASN'T IT YOUR TURN
TO WATCH HIM?
Troy: WELCOME TO
COOKING WITH TROY.
FIRST, WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IS
DIP YOUR LITTLE
PIECE OF CHICKEN
IN A NICE, THICK BATTER.
NO. TROY, NO!
HOLD IT! STOP!
OK, WE'RE SET.
YAH!
NO! TROY!
AAH!
Troy: NOW WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IS
ROLL YOUR PIECE
OF DEAD MEA IN SOME
BREAD CRUMBS.
PERFECT.
AND NOW THA THAT'S DONE,
OUR BIRD SHOULD BE
READY TO GO IN.
AAH!
Max: OH, GROSS!
ECCH!
HOPE YOU LIKE LASAGNA.
SETTLE DOWN.
[TALKING CONTINUES]
CEASE!
[TALKING STOPS]
THIS THURSDAY,
SUPERINTENDENT KNEBWORTH
WILL BE HERE
TO INSPECT THE SCHOOL.
AND SO I AM UPGRADING
MY POLICY OF ZERO TOLERANCE
TO ONE OF...
SUB-ZERO TOLERANCE.
WHICH IS...
MORE THAN ZERO.
[LAUGHING]
CEASE!
[LAUGHING STOPS]
AND NOW, WITHOU ANY FURTHER ADO,
WHAT'S THAT I HEAR?
[BAND MUSIC PLAYING]
THE PITTER-PATTER
OF LITTLE FEET?
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
TO YOU THE NEWEST ADDITION
TO THE CURTIS JUNIOR
HIGH SCHOOL COTTONTAILS--
3 FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS
FROM EASTERN EUROPE,
AND THEIR NAMES ARE...
UNIMPORTANT,
BECAUSE THEY'RE HERE
TO LEAD US
TO GRIDIRON GLORY.
WHY, ALL THEY NEED
IS A PLACE TO PLAY.
STUDENTS, I GIVE YOU...
YOUR NEW FOOTBALL STADIUM.
[CHEERING]
OOH-YAH!
HA!
[CHEERING STOPS]
[SQUISHING FOOTSTEPS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Crowd: EWW!
YOU, THERE!
LITTLE BOY!
PRANKSTER!
[LAUGHS]
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
UH, MAX KEEBLE.
I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU,
MAX KEEBLE.
YOU'RE ON MY LIST.
IT WASN'T MY--
SIT!
HEH HEH HEH.
THIS IS
A BAD JUNIOR HIGH.
I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT McGINTY DID TO YOU.
MR. JINDRAIKE SAYS
IF SOMEONE TRIES
TO START A FIGH WITH YOU,
YOU KNOW,
JUST IGNORE 'EM.
EW! ROBE!
EW.
Megan: MAX, YOU
CAN'T GO THROUGH
THE REST OF THE DAY
LIKE THAT.
I DON'T PLAN ON IT.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
HOW GREAT.
HEY BABY
HEY BABY
YEAH BABY
YEAH BABY
HEY BABY
COOL.
HEY, MAN, YOU GO ANY SPARE AIR?
YEAH BABY
YEAH BABY
WHOO!
HE CALLS HIS VICTIMS
"INVESTORS"?
HE'S GOT ALL THE
LATEST TECHNOLOGY,
AND HE'S LOOKING
TO MAKE A KILLING
IN THE STOCK MARKET.
M-M-M-M-M-M-M-
MARCHING CALL.
YOU KNOW A FELLA'S
GOOD FOR THE MOOLA
Max: THIS GUY, DOBBS, WAS
ONCE A STOCK-MARKET WHIZ KID.
BY AGE 10, HE WAS
A MILLIONAIRE.
12:15. MEETING
WITH KEEBLE.
KEEBLE.
Max: BY AGE 12,
HE'D LOST IT ALL.
NOW HE'S OBSESSED
WITH GETTING IT BACK,
ONE KID AT A TIME.
Dobbs: KEEBLE!
CAUGHT YOUR AC IN THE ASSEMBLY.
LOOKS LIKE YOU CAN
USE SOME HELP
WITH MANAGING
YOUR PORTFOLIO.
Max: HEY, THAT'S
MY LUNCH MONEY!
AND YOU HAVE I ALL IN CASH.
KID, LET ME HOLD THIS
FOR A WHILE
AND I'LL SET YOU UP
WITH A NICE MUTUAL FUND.
WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
HE'S TAKING
MAX'S LU--
[DOBBS GROWLS]
[TIMIDLY]
LUNCH MONEY.
IS THIS TRUE,
MR. DOBBS?
NO. I'M JUST, UH, SPREADING
SOME INVESTMENT WISDOM.
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
HOW DID VIAMWORK SYSTEMS
WORK OUT FOR YOU?
HEH HEH. BEST MONEY
I EVER SPENT.
BY THE WAY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF HANDSPRING?
HANDSPRING? IT'S MOVIN'
TODAY. I'D SAY BUY.
THANKS.
NO PROB.
UH...
DON'T MISS ME. HA!
'SCUSE ME!
ANYBODY WAN MY CARROTS?
WHAT?
KEEBLE!
YOU MAY BE
UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT I ENCOURAGE
HORSEPLAY AND MALARKEY.
I DON'T ENCOURAGE IT.
I EXCOURAGE IT.
EXCOURAGE?
IT MEANS THE OPPOSITE
OF ENCOURAGE.
LOOK IT UP.
Ms. Dingman:
ELLIOT!
AND SO, YOUNG MAN,
REMEMBER,
"STUDY" RHYMES
WITH "BUDDY." SCRAM.
HEY.
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU SAID BAND
WASN'T COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU.
YEAH, BUT I-I
THOUGHT IT OVER,
AND I'VE DECIDED THA BAND IS PRETTY, UM...
[BRITNEY SPEARS' ...BABY,
ONE MORE TIME PLAYING]
HOT.
Jenna:
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SITTING IN MY SEAT?
DOES IT SAY YOUR NAME
ON IT OR SOMETHING?
YES.
SO, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
SHOO-SHOO. LET'S GO.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?
HI, JENNA.
HEY.
WELCOME, EVERYONE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
SETTLE, PLEASE.
I SHOULD TELL YOU
RIGHT AWAY--
YOU'LL NOTICE THAT WE ARE
A BIT CRAMPED IN HERE,
THANKS TO SOME TEMPORARY
STORAGE FOISTED ON US
BY SOMEONE WHO HAS
ABSOLUTELY NO APPRECIATION
OF WHAT WE DO IN HERE.
NOW, IF YOU'LL GO
TO THE BEGINNING
FOR A SECOND NOBODY'S
LOOKIN' BACK AT ME
I NEVER EVEN NOTICE
WHERE THEY GO
THE SUN IS SHINING
DOWN AND
THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
AROUND NOW
WISH YOU WERE HERE
TO HEAR ME SAY
THIS IS GONNA BE
MY GREATEST DAY
HOW FAR WOULD I GO
JUST TO HEAR
EVERYBODY SAY
[HORN HONKS]
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
[GLASS BREAKING]
THIS IS GONNA BE
MY GREATEST DAY
MY GREATEST DAY
MY GREATEST DAY
HEY, TAD.
DID YOU MISS ME?
Max: THIS IS TAD.
HE TOTALLY RULES
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
I HELPED NURSE HIM WHEN
HE WAS A BABY CHIMP,
AND WE'VE BEEN BUDS
EVER SINCE.
[KISSES]
HEY, MAX!
Max: HI, MARLEY.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, COULD YOU
DO ME A FAVOR
AND FEED THE GOAT?
SURE. WHAT'S GOING ON?
DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
WE'RE CLOSING DOWN.
SOME CREEP BOUGH UP THE PROPERTY
AND CANCELED
OUR LEASE.
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
TO THE ANIMALS?
WE'RE DOIN'
THE BEST WE CAN
TO FIND HOMES
FOR ALL OF 'EM,
BUT WE ONLY GO UNTIL THE END
OF THE WEEK.
IT'S MESSED UP,
I KNOW.
IT'S REAL
MESSED UP.
[MAA]
Max: I COULDN' BELIEVE IT.
SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE,
BUT WHAT?
I THOUGHT MAYBE MY PARENTS
MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA.
THEY DID.
WE'RE MOVING?!
YEAH.
FOGE WANTS ME TO HEAD UP
THE NEW DIVISION.
I-I CAN' BELIEVE THIS. WHEN?
FRIDAY.
THIS FRIDAY?
MAN, THIS IS
TOTALLY UNFAIR!
I MEAN, MY--
MY LIFE IS HERE,
MY--MY FRIENDS
ARE HERE.
Don: YEAH,
WE KNOW THAT, MAX.
BUT YOU'RE PROBABLY
GONNA MAKE PLENTY
OF NEW FRIENDS
IN CHICAGO.
CH-CHICAGO?!
[SPUTTERS]
THIS WAS GONNA BE
MY YEAR. HERE.
Lily: SWEETIE,
WE KNOW THIS IS
HARD ON YOU.
IT'S HARD
ON ALL OF US.
WELL, THEN I HAVE
A GREAT, GREAT IDEA.
LET'S NOT GO.
FOGE IS MY BOSS.
HE'S COUNTING ON ME.
CAN'T YOU
JUST SAY NO?
NO. IT'S NO THAT SIMPLE.
THIS BITES.
HE'LL BE FINE.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[GLASS BREAKS]
Megan: BUT, MAX,
CHICAGO'S, LIKE,
1,000 MILES AWAY.
YEAH, BETTER TELL
YOUR PARENTS
TO WATCH OU FOR CARJACKERS.
THESE GUYS'LL JUS COME UP TO YOU
AT STOPLIGHTS
AND TAKE YOUR CAR AWAY.
I SAW IT ON 20/20.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL I THE MOTOR CITY.
MAYBE YOU COULD
HIRE A LAWYER
AND LEGALLY
EMANCIPATE YOURSELF.
YOU CAN STAY WITH ME.
I'LL ASK MY MOM.
Robe: YEAH.
MY DAD'LL GIVE YOU
A JOB HERE
AT THE JUNKYARD.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NICE TRY, GUYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FACE IT,
I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN FOGED.
[BRAKES SCREECH]
[GASPS]
UHH.
WE MEET AGAIN, PAPERBOY.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Max: OK.
EVIL ICE CREAM MAN, ME.
YOU'RE WONDERING WHY,
RIGHT?
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
Max: UNHH!
AHH!
[ICE CREAM MAN STAMMERS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Max: WELL, I ONCE
FOUND A COCKROACH
IN MY SNOW CONE.
MY MOM CALLED
THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT,
AND HE GOT NAILED.
HE'S BEEN TRYING
TO NAIL ME EVER SINCE.
[SIREN BLARING]
DRAT! THE FUZZ!
THIS ISN'T OVER, PAPERBOY!
[RADIO SQUAWKS]
HELLO, OFFICER.
SNOW DOODLE?
Boy: HEY, LOOK,
IT'S DUMPSTER BOY.
IT'S REEKY STINKO,
THE GARBAGE KID.
[KIDS LAUGH]
Robe: HA, REEKY STINKO.
HE JUST MADE THAT UP.
NOW, THAT'S GOOD.
Megan: HEY, MAX,
CHECK IT OUT.
I MADE UP
SOME FLYERS
TO HELP SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU AND I COULD PUT 'EM
UP AROUND SCHOOL?
Max: WHY BOTHER?
A FLYER'S NOT GONNA
MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
COVER ME.
I'M GOING IN.
Jindraike: AAAH.
HE MOVES, HE FAKES.
RANGOON, THINK FAST.
[SHATTERING]
NICE HANDS.
NOW, PICK UP THE BALL
AND PUT IT IN THE CASE.
IT'S FROM KNEBWORTH'S
CITY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
I'M GOING
ON MY WALKABOUT.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
MRS. RANGOON,
WHAT'S THIS?
SOME OF THE KIDS
ARE TRYING TO SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER
DOWN THE STREET.
KIDS? WHAT KIDS?
YOU KNOW, THE ONES
WITH THE SENSE OF CARING
AND CIVIC DUTY.
YOU THERE. CEASE!
WHAT IS THE MEANING
OF THIS?
HEY, I DIDN'T DO THAT.
SO YOU WANT TO SAVE
THE FILTHY
LITTLE BEASTS, EH?
PERHAPS YOU WANT ME TO
GIVE THE ANIMALS MY CAR?
DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE
MY CAR TO THE SMELLY GOAT?
GOATS...DON'T DRIVE, SIR.
I DON'T CARE WHA YOU WANT ME TO DO.
THE SMELLY GOA WILL NEVER GET MY CAR.
EVER.
THE ANIMALS
HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.
SOME CREEP'S
CLOSING DOWN THE SHELTER.
I'M CLOSING DOWN
THE SHELTER, SILLY...
BOY.
[STAMMERS] WHAT?
ALL I NEED NOW IS
THE RIGHT BULLDOZER.
I'M THINKING
BIG AND YELLOW.
WHERE DID YOU THINK
I WAS GOING TO BUILD
KNEBWORTH STADIUM,
IN YOUR HOUSE? HA HA.
YOUR HOUSE.
THAT'S RICH.
THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM.
[SPRAYS]
WHOA.
BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL
HE'S REALLY BAD
AND TOTALLY CHILL
BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL
Kids: FREAK WITH ROBE?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
HIT THE SHOWERS.
[SIGHS]
COME ON, LADIES.
[GASPS AND MOANS]
HELLO, FREAK.
Robe: LET ME OUT!
[LAUGHTER]
COME ON, LET ME OUT!
WHAT'S GOING ON, HUH?
McGINTY'S LATEST VICTIM.
YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT.
HA HA HA.
Robe: LET ME OUT!
COME ON!
LET ME OUT!
MAN.
COME ON, LET ME OUT.
ALL RIGHT, OK.
COME ON, MAX.
OK. IT'S OK.
[GROANS]
HE'S A LITTLE
CLAUSTROPHOBIC,
SO HE MIGHT--
[ROBE RETCHES]
[VOMIT SPLASHES, CROWD GROANS]
HURL.
[CROWD GROANS]
WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY
GOOD CHILI OMELET.
[GROANING]
LET ME CHECK
THE LATEST RATES.
[BEEPS]
Dobbs: THAT'S $3.00
FOR NUMBER ONE,
AND $5.00
FOR NUMBER TWO.
I HAVE A BLADDER PROBLEM.
SORRY TO HEAR IT.
McGinty: KEEBLE.
GET OFF ME!
I WORKED REALLY HARD
ON THAT DISPLAY.
EXCUSE ME.
NEW CUSTOMERS.
Dobbs: CAN I HELP YOU,
GENTLEMEN?
NO THANKS.
KEEBLE, SHUT UP.
YUCCH.
HOW MUCH
FOR A SWIRLIE?
TAKE STALL NUMBER 4.
NO, NO.
COME ON, TROY.
NO CHARGE.
THANKS, MAN.
[GRUNTS] CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?
I'M GONNA GE MY HAIR WET.
COME ON, TROY!
OW! COME ON!
[FLUSHING]
WATER.
A RECURRING GEOGRAPHICAL
FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY
TO DEVELOP.
FOR EXAMPLE,
RIVERS, SPRINGS...
MR. KEEBLE?
YOU'RE TARDY,
AND YOU'RE DRIPPING.
I HAVE RULES AGAINST BOTH.
NOW, CLASS, ANOTHER
FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY TO
DEVELOP IS A CODE OF RULES.
WITHOUT RULES, SOCIETY
WOULD COMPLETELY COLLAPSE.
DO YOU AGREE WITH
THAT STATEMENT, MR. KEEBLE?
I GUESS SO.
I GUESS YOU'LL WRITE ME
A 2,000-WORD ESSAY
ON THE SUBJECT.
[MURMURING AND LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
WHICH I WILL LOOK FORWARD
TO SEEING ON MY DESK
DRIP-DRY FRIDAY!
THIS FRIDAY?
THIS FRIDAY!
[IDEA BELL JINGLES]
Max: WAIT.
FRIDAY WAS THE DAY
I WAS MOVING,
AND THIS TEACHER
WAS MEAN.
SHE LET DOBBS
STEAL MY MONEY.
SHE WANTED TO PUNISH ME
WHEN IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
BUT IF I WASN' GONNA BE HERE,
WHAT COULD SHE REALLY
DO TO ME, RIGHT?
IT WAS TIME
TO TAKE A STAND.
HOW COME I CAN' DO THE ESSAY
RIGHT NOW?
NOW, CLASS...
[GASPS]
MMM. THAT'S GOOD.
[APPLE BANGS, KIDS LAUGH]
Max:
A CIVILIZED SOCIETY
DOES NEED
A SET OF RULES.
OTHERWISE,
PEOPLE COULD DO THIS.
OOPS.
[GASPS]
DID I SAY 2,000 WORDS?
MAKE THAT 4,000!
OR...THIS.
[CLASS GASPING]
MAKE THAT 8,000 WORDS,
AND TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW!
8,000 WORDS?
THAT'S KID STUFF.
HOW 'BOUT 12,000 WORDS?
DO I HEAR 12,000 WORDS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
Together:
12,000 WORDS!
SOLD! 12,000 WORDS!
GET OFF MY DESK!
OKEE-DAY.
Mrs. Talia: OHHH.
YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE,
MR. KEEBLE.
[KIDS LAUGH]
YEAH
SEE YA.
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
Max: NO CONSEQUENCES.
I COULD DO ANYTHING
I WANTED.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
IF YOU'RE EVER
IN THE WINDY CITY,
LOOK ME UP.
Max: AND NOW, ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO HAD TRIED TO RUN US DOWN,
MESS US UP,
PUSH US AROUND,
WERE IN
FOR A LITTLE SURPRISE.
TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA
HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.
DIDN'T I?
YES, I DID. YES, I DID.
WAIT, SEE
I DO WHATEVER MOVES ME
I'M CLOSING DOWN
THE SHELTER.
Ms. Dingman: PHEROMONES--
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
I KEEP MY MONEY
IN A PIGGY BANK.
IT JUST LOOKS LIKE YOU.
Max: AFTER ALL,
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THE BOYS.
ALL I NEEDED WAS
A LITTLE BIT OF HELP.
Max: BECAUSE I'M
OUTTA HERE IN 2 DAYS.
DON'T YOU SEE?
THIS ISN'T JUST A PLAN.
IT'S--IT'S
A PLANETARIUM.
LOOK, I'M GONNA BE
THE ONE THEY COME AFTER,
BUT I'M NO GONNA BE HERE,
AND THAT--THA IS THE BEAUTY OF IT.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS WON' EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M UP TO.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS HELP ME OUT.
AND WE'LL HAVE--
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
PLAUSIBLE
DENIABILITY.
YEAH, DID YOU
JUST MAKE THAT UP?
SO WE ALL DOWN
FOR THE CAUSE?
ONE QUESTION.
CAN'T WE JUST HAVE
A GOING-AWAY PARTY INSTEAD?
WE WILL,
A HUGE BLOWOUT,
WHEN THIS IS OVER.
SO?
[GIRL SPEAKS
INDISTINCTLY]
MARCHING CALL!
[MOANING]
[SONG PLAYS,
INDISTINCT LYRICS]
[GRUNTS]
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
FROZE YOUR ASSETS, MAN.
LET'S SEE WHA WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT.
HEY!
STEP OFF,
CAPITALIST TOOL.
Dobbs: MAN, WHY DON'T YOU
GO GET A REAL JOB, FOOL?
Dobbs: MAN,
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU,
THEIR LUNCH MONEY
IS MINE, VENDOR.
[GASPS]
[INHALES]
[GROWLS]
HA HA HA.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
TRADING HOURS ARE OVER.
[GRUNTING]
AAH--OHH!
HELLO, VLADIMIR.
AAH!
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME TO PLAY
A GAME WITH YOUR--
HMM.
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
MacGOOGLE--
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND--
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
IT'S TIME
TO PLAY A GAME
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
THE CITIZENS
OF CURTIS JUNIOR HIGH
THAT WE ARE NOW
T-MINUS...SEVERAL HOURS
UNTIL THE SUPERINTENDEN KNEBWORTH VISIT.
THAT IS ALL.
THANK YOU.
[RUSTLING AND RATTLING]
[CHUCKLING]
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
I'M A WALRUS, HEY.
[LAUGHS]
THE CAMERA'S
STILL ON!
[ALL LAUGHING]
[BELL RINGS]
OK.
I'M OK.
SORRY.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST THA WE HAVE TO BE
VERY CAREFUL
WITH THE LAB EQUIPMENT.
OUR BUDGET IS VERY TIGHT...
THANKS TO THE NEW
FOOTBALL PROGRAM.
45 CENTS. COOL.
LET'S CHECK
MY GROSSES TODAY.
WHERE'S MY HANDHELD?
HEY, MISTER,
MY FUDGESICLE'S MELTING!
Ice Cream Man: OH, IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE MELTING.
PEOPLE PAY EXTRA
FOR THAT.
NOW, BEAT IT!
ALL OF YOU, BEAT IT!
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
Max: THE HEAT IS ON!
FARTKNOCKER!
EVIL ICE CREAM MAN'S
GOING DOWN.
HOW GREAT.
I SURE AM GONNA
MISS YOU GUYS.
WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL
MAKE NEW FRIENDS IN CHICAGO.
RIGHT, MAX?
I--I GUESS SO.
I DON'T KNOW.
I NEVER REALLY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
Robe: HEY, MAYBE
YOU'LL MEET KIDS
EXACTLY LIKE US
IN EVERY WAY.
YOU KNOW,
LIKE CLONES.
[CHUCKLES]
YEAH. MAYBE I WILL.
Megan: WELL, THERE'S STILL
YOUR GOING-AWAY PARTY.
THERE'S GONNA BE A CAKE
AND EVERYTHING.
I BAKED IT.
Robe: YEAH,
DON'T FORGET.
TOMORROW, 4:00,
HOUSE OF ROBE.
I'M PROVIDING
THE ICE CREAM.
[CHUCKLES]
Ice Cream Man:
WHAT'S GOING ON?!
IT'S MELTING!
HEY, MAX?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
[BEEPS]
STUFF.
GETTING READY
FOR THE BIG MOVE
KIND OF STUFF?
MM-HMM.
I'M SORRY WE
SPRUNG THIS ON YOU, MAX,
BUT IT WAS SORT OF SPRUNG
ON ME THE SAME WAY.
UH-HUH.
OK. TSK.
WHAT IF I DIDN' TAKE THE JOB?
WHAT THEN?
A HOME,
THE FOOD WE EAT,
THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR--
THAT TAKES
A LOT OF MONEY.
I JUST CAN'T SEE
WHY WE CAN'T STAY.
WELL...
SOMETIMES IN LIFE,
YOU GOTTA DO THINGS
THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE
WHO HAVE POWER OVER YOU
TELL YOU TO DO THEM.
NO, DAD, I MEAN,
IF YOU RISE UP
AND--AND--AND SHOW
THAT YOU'RE NOT AFRAID,
THOSE PEOPLE
WILL NO LONGER HAVE
CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
WITH MAX?
WHO ARE YOU? REALLY?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
GOOD NIGHT, KIDDO.
SEE YA.
[BEEPS]
UNHH.
[OBJECT CLATTERING]
OHH.
[PANTS]
[KEYS JINGLING]
[GRUNTS] NO.
[FLATULENT NOISE]
[CLICKING]
THE WINDOW WAS OPEN.
[SIGHS]
Robe: WHOA!
[CRASH]
Together: ROBE.
THE COMPUTER.
I'LL GE THE BREATH SPRAY.
[BEEP]
NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.
[TYPING ON KEYBOARD]
[BEEPING]
Megan: WHOA.
WHAT?
CHECK IT OUT.
JINDRAIKE'S USING
ALL THE SCHOOL'S MONEY
TO BUILD HIS STUPID
FOOTBALL STADIUM.
WE CAN'T LET HIM
GET AWAY WITH THAT.
NOW HIS BREATH'LL BE
PHEROMONE FRESH.
[THUMPS, PANTS]
OH, YEAH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME. I'M FINE.
[WHISPERS] Here you go.
AND NOW WE ADD
A LITTLE DECORATION.
WHOA!
COME ON, LET'S GE OUT OF HERE.
[GRUNTS]
OW! OW!
ROBE!
COME ON, MAN!
LET'S GO!
YEAH, I'M TRYING.
Max: MORNING, MOM.
Lily: HI, SWEETIE.
WHATCHA DOING?
YOU KNOW,
YOU JUST START OU BY TRYING TO PACK
EVERYTHING REALLY FAST,
AND THEN
YOU GET CAUGHT UP
IN ALL THIS OLD STUFF.
[SIGHS] REMEMBER HOW
THE KITCHEN LOOKED
WHEN WE FIRST MOVED IN?
BEFORE IT WAS PERFECT?
[CHUCKLES]
NOT REALLY.
I WAS 4.
[LAUGHS] RIGHT. MMM.
[SIGHS]
SORRY ABOU THE SHORT NOTICE, MAX.
YOU HAVING TO LEAVE YOUR
FRIENDS AND EVERYTHING.
AH, IT'S OK.
YOU KNOW, AT FIRST,
I WAS REALLY BUMMED OUT,
BUT NOT EVERYTHING'S
BAD ABOUT MOVING.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER
KEEPS SAYING.
I HOPE
YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT.
[CHUCKLES]
[SONG PLAYS,
LYRICS INDISTINCT]
[CROWD GASPS]
All: TROY McGINTY?
HOW 'BOUT THAT?
OK, NO, I WON' DO THAT ANYMORE.
I--I PROMISE.
I PROMISE.
OHH. I LIED. SORRY.
[LIGHT SWITCHES ECHO]
[DOOR OPENS]
MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME
I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG
NO.
WITH YOUR FAVORITE
HIGHLAND FROG
NO.
[SINGING]
NO, NOT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
AAAH!
AAAH!
MORE COMMEMORATIVE RED,
WHITE, AND BLUE STREAMERS.
CRAZY LEGS KNEBWORTH.
WHAT A CHAMPION HE WAS.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[HORN HONKS]
COME ON, YOU IDIOT.
[SPRAYS]
[NEIGHS]
[BLEATING]
[ANIMAL NOISES]
[ANIMALS QUIET]
HE'S COMING!
HE'S COMING!
STRAIGHTEN UP.
STRAIGHTEN UP.
BETTER. READY?
AND...
[PLAYING]
AAH!
Jindraike:
AT LAST! AT LAST!
THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL
BEEN WAITING FOR.
AH HA HA HA HA.
CRAZY LEGS.
YOU LOOK FIT.
ELLIOT.
IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.
I AGREE COMPLETELY.
SLIP ME THAT BISCUIT.
OOH, THAT'S A HOT ONE.
SMILE.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
Max: OK. THE REASON JINDRAIKE
HAS A NEW FOOTBALL PROGRAM
IS TO IMPRESS THIS GUY--
SUPERINTENDENT KNEBWORTH.
YOU SEE, JINDRAIKE
WANTS HIS JOB SO BAD,
HE'D EAT HIS SOCKS.
HOW IT SADDENS ME
TO THINK OF YOUR
RETIREMENT, CRAZY LEGS.
WHAT AN INSPIRATION
YOU'VE BEEN TO US ALL.
IN FACT, I'VE COLLECTED
SOME MEMENTOS
FROM YOUR GLORY DAYS.
WELL.
REMEMBER THIS?
EWW!
IT'S YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP
JOCKSTRAP.
WE WASHED IT. HA HA.
[SNIFFS] WASH IT AGAIN.
WHAT'S THIS?
ALLOW ME TO PRESENT...
KNEBWORTH STADIUM.
[CROWD CHEERS,
BAND PLAYS]
Knebworth:
KNEBWORTH STADIUM.
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO
DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
I DIDN'T APPROVE
ANY CAPITAL EXPENDITURES
FOR CURTIS.
THE USUAL--
BAKE SALES, CAR WASHES,
AND CUTTING BACK
ON A FEW NON-ESSENTIAL
ITEMS HELPS, TOO.
FIRE EXTINGUISHERS,
MILK...
EXCUSE ME?
MOVING ALONG--
HAVE YOU SEEN THE TOILETS?
NO COMPLAINTS,
NO COMPLAINTS.
I NEED 5 LAPS TO--
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S WEIRD.
WHO TURNED OU THE LIGHTS?
[McGINTY MOANS]
[SHIVERING]
Boy: HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
IT'S McGINTY!
[ALL LAUGHING]
WHAT THE--
HEY, BREAK IT UP.
BREAK IT UP.
McGINTY.
[QUAVERING] HE'S...
GONNA EAT ME.
WHAT?
MacGOOGLES.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
"LOOK WHO'S CRYING NOW."
WOULD YOU GUYS
GET OUT OF HERE?
SO THE SECOND TEACHER
SAYS, "I AGREE.
THAT'S WHY THEY
CALL IT A LOUNGE." HA.
[SPRAYS]
[DOG BARKS, CAT MEOWS]
[SCREECHING]
[CHATTERS]
WELL, HERE WE ARE
IN THE CURTIS
JUNIOR HIGH LIBRARY.
HMM. SMALLISH.
YES, BUT WE'RE
BIGGISH ON BOOKS.
ESPECIALLY SPORTS BOOKS.
[CHUCKLES]
HMM.
OF COURSE, THE ONE WE'RE
WAITING FOR IS CRAZY LEGS--
THE BOBBY KNEBWORTH STORY.
[SIGHS]
[SQUIRREL CHATTERS]
[SQUEAKS]
OHH! OOH! OH!
[YELLS]
[SQUIRREL CHATTERING]
[STAMMERING]
OHH!
DIDN'T I ORDER NEW COMPUTER
WORKSTATIONS THIS YEAR?
[SCREAMS]
[SQUEAKS]
JINDRAIKE?
WE'RE HAVING THEM
UPGRADED.
[SQUIRREL CHATTERING]
Knebworth:
HMM. OK.
WELL...
IF IT ISN' MY FAVORITE CUSTOMER.
WHAT CAN I GET YOU,
PLUMP DADDY?
WHAT'S THIS?
WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
[BEEPS]
[READING]
SOMEBODY'S MESSING
WITH ME.
HEY, CAN I TRY
THE SOUP?
EVERYTHING SET?
I GUESS SO,
BUT I STILL DON'T SEE
HOW THIS IS GONNA HELP
SAVE THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
IT'S ALL PAR OF THE PLAN.
MAX...
WHAT?
[INHALES] I DON'T KNOW.
[UTENSIL CLATTERS]
I'D JUST RATHER
SPEND OUR LAST DAY
HANGING OUT THAN DOING
ALL THIS SPY STUFF.
UHH!
OW! WHAT THE--
BIG OAF.
[PANTING]
THEY'RE COMING!
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.
YOU READY?
CHECK.
LUNCH...
IS...
SERVED.
CHECK
AND MATE.
AAH!
[KIDS LAUGHING]
HA HA HA HA.
WHO THREW THAT?
[CHUCKLES]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
HA HA HA HA HA!
Sugar Ray: AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
FOOD FIGHT!
AIM FOR ME,
HIT IT
IT'S A GREAT BIG WORLD
NOTHING
DON'T BELIEVE
IN NOTHING ANYWAY
STILL GOT A LOT TO LEARN
BUT WE STARTED OU WITH NOTHING
WITH MY FRIENDS
WE'RE GOING ON OUR WAY
STOP THA THIS INSTANT!
YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
OH! I SAW THAT,
YOUNG MAN!
AAH!
I'M TAKING NAMES!
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AAH!
AIM FOR ME
THEY'LL TRY
TO COUNT YOU OUT
BUT YOU GOTTA
COUNT YOURSELF IN
IF I GET MY SHIRT DIRTY,
MY MOM'S GONNA KILL ME!
NOT SAYING
THAT I'M RIGHT
SEE THE TROUBLE
THAT WE'VE BEEN IN
"JELL-O HELLO."
NO. "CAFETERIA HYSTERIA."
WHEN IT'S SAID AND DONE
AND YOU'VE GOT US
ON THE RUN
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AAH!
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE
YOU'RE ALL SUSPENDED!
YOU'RE SO FAR FROM HOME
AIM FOR ME
HA HA HA HA HA!
AIM FOR ME,
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME, AAAH
AAAH!
AAH!
WHAT THE--
OHH!
THAT'S IT!
ROBE DID IT! AAH!
[LAUGHING]
AAH!
[SHRIEKS]
[LAUGHS]
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE,
AND YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
SO FAR FROM HOME
WHEN IT'S SAID AND DONE
OHH! AAH!
NOT HAVING FUN! OW!
AAH!
AND NOW,
ONTO THE PIECE
DE RESISTANCE.
THE JEWEL IN
THE CROWN OF CURTIS.
THE CAFETERIA.
[WHOOPING AND YELLING]
Robe: IT'S MUSTARD!
YOU CAN'T KETCHUP,
'CAUSE IT'S MUSTARD!
YEAH!
SOME PEOPLE CHANGE,
AND YOUR LIFE WILL REARRANGE
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE
SO FAR FROM HOME
PLEASE BELIEVE ME
WHEN I TELL YOU,
THIS IS MY GIF TO YOU.
THAT'S OK,
WE'LL NEVER COME UNDONE
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
AIM FOR ME
CEASE!
[MOTOR SPUTTERS, DIES]
SIR, I ASSURE YOU,
THIS BEHAVIOR
SIR, I ASSURE YOU,
THIS BEHAVIOR
IS UTTERLY
WITHOUT PRECEDENT.
PLUS, IT NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.
WHO?
WHO STARTED THIS?
Jindraike: IF THE CULPRI DOES NOT STEP FORWARD
THIS INSTANT,
SWIFT AND HORRIBLE
RETRIBUTION
AWAITS EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.
AAH!
[STUDENTS LAUGH
WHILE MONKEY SCREECHES]
[GROANING AND COUGHING]
[SIGHS]
THIS PLACE IS NUTS.
CRAZY LEGS!
WAIT!
UHH!
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[STUDENTS TALKING
AND LAUGHING]
PBBBT!
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE
CALLING ME OUT THERE?
THE MacGOOGLER.
TROY, EASY. NOW,
I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU THROUGH
A CHILDHOOD
REGRESSION PROCESS.
IT MAY BRING UP
SOME UNPLEASANT MEMORIES,
BUT I THINK YOU'LL FIND I HELPFUL IN THE END.
ALL RIGHTY?
MM-HMM.
NOW, GIVE
MR. MacGOOGLES A HUG.
AAH! AAH!
HE'S GONNA EAT ME!
[WHIMPERING]
WE'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO.
I WANT MY COIL.
I WANT MY HANDHELD!
WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK?
I SAID
"I WANT MY HANDHELD."
YOU WANT YOUR HANDHELD?
YEAH. YOU HEARD ME.
I SAID,
"I WANT MY HANDHELD."
YOU WANT ME
TO HOLD YOUR HAND?
NO!
NEED SOMEBODY TO HOLD
HIS HAND. LITTLE BABY.
LITTLE--
GIVE ME THE COIL!
OH, THIS? HUH? HUH?
UHH!
NO!
OH!
[INDISTINC OVERLAPPING YELLING]
HUH?
HUH?
AAH!
AAH!
YEEHAW!
MEH-MEH-MEH,
MEH-MEH-MEH.
GOOD, TROY! NOW...
CAN YOU HELP ME
FIND A LINK
BETWEEN MacGOOGLES
AND YOUR FEARS?
WAS IT SOMETHING
FROM YOUR PAS OR SOMEBODY?
KEEBLE!
KEEBLE!
KEEBLE.
HEY, MAX.
HI, JENNA.
DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT?
I'M MEETING SOME FRIENDS
AT BUDDIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I ACTUALLY GOTTA
KINDA BE SOMEWHERE.
OH, COME ON.
STAY FOR ONE MILK SHAKE.
IT'LL BE FUN.
WELL...
ONE MILK SHAKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
OK. ALL RIGHT.
ONE...
MILK SHAKE.
HIT ME BABY,
ONE MORE TIME
[CHANTING "KEEBLE"]
[CHEERING]
[BELCHES]
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
SO, YOU ACTUALLY
DID SET UP
THAT WHOLE
MONKEY THING
AT THE CAFETERIA?
WELL, ACTUALLY,
TAD IS A CHIMPANZEE.
YOU'RE SO DEVIOUS.
WELL, IT'S REALLY PART OF
MY WHOLE NEW ATTITUDE--
WHAT I LIKE TO CALL
MY PHAT-ITUDE.
YO! DON'T CROWD
THE MAN, DUDE.
HE HAS PHAT-ITUDE.
GIT!
[INHALES]
[POP]
I WONDER WHERE MAX IS?
[HIGH-PITCHED]
DON'T WORRY. HE'LL BE HERE.
[SPRAYS]
SCHOOL IS OUT,
LET'S ENJOY THE HEAT
IT'S ALL YOU NOW, DO IT LIKE
YOU'RE PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS
DESTROYED RIGHT HERE
FOR YOU TO MAKIN' IT CHEAP
OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL,
COME ON, WIGGLE WITH ME
JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
YOU WANT IT,
YOU GOT IT, AHH
YOU WANT IT,
BABY, YOU GOT IT
Max: MEGAN, WAIT!
YOU WANT IT,
YOU GOT IT, AHH
DON'T WORRY ABOUT US.
JUST GO BACK TO YOUR PARTY.
IT'S NOT A PARTY.
I WAS JUST--
I WAS JUST COMING
TO SEE YOU GUYS.
WHATEVER.
I GUESS WE'RE JUST NO COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT.
BUT MEGAN--SHE LIKES YOU.
SHE REALLY LIKES YOU.
ROBE, WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE BEEN WAITING.
NOW I'M GOIN' HOME.
HAVE A NICE LIFE
IN CHICAGO.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
WELL, CAN YOU TELL HER
THAT I CALLED?
Megan's mom: SURE.
AND THAT I'M REALLY,
REALLY SORRY.
I'LL TELL HER, MAX.
THANKS.
AND DON'T FORGE THE SORRY PART PLEASE.
I WON'T.
THANK YOU. BYE.
HEY, CHAMP.
YOU SEEN YOUR MOM?
HEY, HONEY,
CAN YOU COME HERE QUICK?
I GOT BIG NEWS.
WHAT'S UP?
GUESS WHAT?
WE'RE NOT MOVING.
[CRASH]
WE'RE NOT?
UH-UH. I FINALLY GAVE FOGE
SOME OF HIS OWN MEDICINE.
Lily: YOU FOGED FOGE?
Don: YEAH. I QUIT.
WE'RE GONNA STAY HERE.
I'M GONNA STAR MY OWN BUSINESS.
Lily: OH, SWEETIE!
NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE BIG CHEESE!
HA HA!
HA HA!
NOT ANYMORE!
WAIT! WE'RE NOT MOVING?
UH-UH.
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S SO HAPPY,
HE CAN'T SPEAK!
HA HA HA!
Don: HEY, HONEY,
CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS OFF?
I SURE CAN!
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GET I OVER MY HEAD WITH THE GLOVES.
T WAS I GONNA DO?
I HAD TO GET OUT OF THIS.
MAX, THIS IS
GONNA BE GREAT.
I FINALLY GET TO
BE MY OWN BOSS.
BUT, DAD, WHAT ABOU YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES--
THE HOUSE, THE FOOD,
MY CLOTHES?
WHAT ABOUT MY CLOTHES?
DO YOU WANT TO WEAR RAGS?
MAX, I OWE I ALL TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT HELPED ME REALIZE
FOGE WAS NOTHING
BUT A BULLY.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU,
I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
THE COURAGE
TO STAND UP TO HIM.
I'M JUST A KID!
WHAT DO I KNOW?
YOU OK? YOU SEEM
A LITTLE JUMPY.
YES! YEAH.
YOU SURE?
YEAH. I'M COOL.
SO, SEE YOU
TONIGHT.
UH, YEAH.
YEAH.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
MAYBE.
Max: MAYBE?
WHO WAS I KIDDING?
I WAS GRADE-A DEAD MEAT,
AND I KNEW IT.
WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW
IS THAT I'VE LEFT MY
FRIENDS IN THE SAME BOAT.
IT'S GONNA BE A
LONG YEAR FOR YOU, SLIM.
I'M GONNA POUND YOU
EVERY DAY.
AND ALL THANKS TO
YOUR GOOD FRIEND KEEBLE.
CATCH YOU AROUND, HUH?
GREAT.
LET'S JUST ROUND IT OFF
TO ALL YOUR MONEY FOREVER.
FROM HERE ON IN,
YOU WORK FOR ME.
HEH HEH! YEAH.
Max: IN FACT, THE ENTIRE
SCHOOL WAS GOING TO SUFFER
BECAUSE OF ME.
OH, STOP SMILING.
THIS IS NOT A HAPPY PLACE.
[CRASH]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
FIND MAX KEEBLE. I'D LIKE
TO SPEAK TO HIM AT ONCE.
YOU BETTER
BOOK A FLIGHT.
WHAT?
MAX KEEBLE
MOVED TO CHICAGO.
I JUST FORWARDED
HIS FILE.
[SCREAMING, BREAKING GLASS,
AND CAT YOWLING]
MRS. RANGOON, A MOMEN OF YOUR TIME, PLEASE.
SOMEONE'S GO SOMETHING IMPORTAN TO SAY TO THE STUDENTS.
SOMEONE'S GOT SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTAN TO SAY TO THE STUDENTS,
AND DO YOU KNOW
WHO THAT SOMEONE IS,
MRS. RANGOON?
IT'S ME, MRS. RANGOON.
HMM. YEAH.
AND WAIT TILL THEY HEAR IT.
Jindraike on P.A.:
ATTENTION, STUDENTS.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE OF YESTERDAY'S
CRIMES AGAINST THE SCHOOL,
INSTIGATED BY YOUR FORMER
CLASSMATE MAX KEEBLE,
THE FOLLOWING
EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
ARE NOW SUSPENDED--
ART, MUSIC, P.E.,
FUN!
SUSPENDED,
DISCONTINUED, DEFUNCT!
GREAT. YOUR BOYFRIEND
MAX KEEBLE
JUST GOT US HOSED.
HE'S JUST MY PAPERBOY.
HMM. I NEVER
REALLY LIKED HIM.
[THUD]
[LAUGHTER]
KEEBLE!
OK. TODAY, CLASS,
WE'RE GOING TO REVIEW
SOME OF THE ELEMENTS
OF GRAMMAR.
McGINTY SAYS
HE'S GONNA POUND ME
EVERY DAY FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
DOBBS SAYS I HAVE TO
GIVE HIM ALL OF MY MONEY...
FOREVER.
SOME PLAUSIBLE
DENIABILITY.
HI. DO YOU MIND IF I
HANG HERE FOR A WHILE,
BECAUSE THERE'S SOME
PEOPLE AFTER ME.
I DID SOME STUFF.
YEAH. YOU PROBABLY...
YEAH. I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THE CAFETERIA.
BUT JINDRAIKE
HAS NO RIGH TO DO WHAT HE'S DOING,
AND NOW
MY FRIENDS ARE GONNA GE WAILED ON BECAUSE OF ME,
AND I CAN'T DO
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
ANY KID CAN MAKE A MESS.
TAKES A MAN TO CLEAN IT UP.
Max: IT TOOK
A MAN WITH A PLUNGER
TO MAKE ME REALIZE
THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT I'D STOOD UP
TO THE BULLIES,
BUT ALL I'D REALLY DONE
WAS HIT AND RUN.
THAT'S NOT COURAGE.
THAT'S EX-COURAGE.
AS YOU KNOW, VERBS ARE WORDS
THAT DESCRIBE ACTIONS,
SO WHO CAN NAME A FEW?
BETRAY, DECEIVE, LIE.
Robe: HOW ABOUT BURN,
SCREW OVER,
STAB IN THE BACK?
HEH! UH-HUH.
ATTENTION STUDENTS,
THIS IS MAX KEEBLE SPEAKING.
FIRST I'D LIKE TO SAY TO
MY FRIENDS MEGAN AND ROBE
THAT I KNOW
THAT I ACTED LIKE A JERK,
AND I'M SORRY
FOR EVER GETTING YOU
INVOLVED IN THIS.
I SCREWED UP, BUT YOU
GUYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS,
AND THAT'S FOREVER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
TO SAY, BUT I'M SORRY.
IT PROBABLY DOESN' MATTER TO YOU ANYMORE,
BUT I'M NOT MOVING.
KEEBLE!
AND McGINTY AND DOBBS,
IT'S ME YOU WANT,
SO LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE.
I MAY HAVE RUN BEFORE, BUT I AM
ALL THROUGH RUNNING NOW.
YOU WANT ME, I'LL BE
IN THE PARKING LOT, 3:00.
CUT!
END OF BROADCAST!
THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU.
AH!
HELLO, MAX.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
ANYTHING I CAN GET FOR YOU?
SPARKLING WATER? SODA?
NO? OK.
YOU'VE ACTED
LIKE A CRIMINAL,
SO I'M GOING TO TREA YOU LIKE A CRIMINAL.
I'M NOT A CRIMINAL.
PEOPLE WHO DO CRIMES
ARE CRIMINALS, LIKE YOU.
YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL
BEFORE SLANDERING
YOUR PRINCIPAL'S
SPOTLESS REPUTATION
WITH WILD
AND GROUNDLESS CLAIMS.
THEY'RE NOT GROUNDLESS,
THEY'RE GROUND-FULL.
GROUND-FULL?
LOOK IT UP!
I SAW IT ON THE SCREEN.
YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING
FROM ALL THE SCHOOL BUDGETS
TO FUND YOUR STUPID
FOOTBALL STUFF.
SAW IT ON THE SCREEN,
DID YOU?
YEAH, AND IT'S TRUE.
YOU'RE A SMAR LITTLE BOY...
BUT SO AM I!
SO I FIDDLED
WITH THE BUDGET.
FIDDLESTICKS.
IT'S MY BUDGET.
SO WE HAVE FEWER TEXTBOOKS.
BIG DEAL.
TEXTBOOKS ARE FOR NERDS.
FEWER BAND INSTRUMENTS--
WHO CARES?
BAND IS FOR LOSERS.
COME ON!
OH!
SO THE JANITOR HAS TO
WORK OVERTIME FOR NO PAY.
HE SHOULD PAY ME
FOR THE PRIVILEGE!
[CRASH]
NOW, LET ME DESCRIBE
YOUR NEXT 24 HOURS.
I'M GOING TO METE OU A PUNISHMENT TO YOU
THAT IS SO SEVERE,
FUTURE GENERATIONS
WILL REFER TO I AS "THE KEEBLE."
THEY WILL BEG
ON BENDED KNEE--
"OH, PLEASE, SIR.
NOT THE KEEBLE, SIR.
"I SWEAR I'LL NEVER
MISBEHAVE AGAIN
IF YOU'LL JUST SPARE
ME...THE KEEBLE."
AND SPARE THEM
I SHALL, MAX,
FOR I AM
A MERCIFUL MAN.
YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS
ARE SO IMMENSE
THAT I WOULD BE
DELINQUENT--
[BEEPING]
Jindraike: MY BULLDOZER!
OH, GOODY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT!
YOU DON'T KNOW!
YOU THOUGHT YOU SAVED
THE ANIMAL SHELTER.
IT WOULD APPEAR--NOT!
NOW STAY THERE!
DON'T GO AWAY.
UHH!
HMM.
[HUMMING]
UHH!
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[STUDENTS TALKING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
JINDRAIKE'LL DO TO HIM?
WHAT DO YOU THINK
McGINTY AND
DOBBS'LL DO TO HIM?
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
MAYBE THEY'LL JUS FORGET THE WHOLE THING.
EVIL TROUBLE
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
OR MAYBE THEY'LL
RIP HIS HEAD OFF.
WE'VE GOT TO
DO SOMETHING.
COME ON.
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
WE GOT EVIL TROUBLE
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. DOBBS.
ALWAYS A PLEASURE,
McGINTY.
THIS IS GONNA BE EPIC.
"KEEBLE CANCELED."
HERE'S JINNY.
KEEBLE?
KEEBLE!
[LOCK CLICKS]
[GIGGLES]
SACRILEGE!
OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY!
[RATTLE]
CAGED LIKE AN ANIMAL.
IRONIC.
AAH!
[THUD]
OW!
SO, UH...
IS MY WATCH RUNNING FAST,
OR IS OUR KEEBLE FRIEND
RUNNING SCARED?
SOMEBODY LOOKING FOR ME?
KEEBLE, WELCOME TO
OUR PARKING LOT OF PAIN.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
[GROANING]
[BANGING]
YOU KNOW
HOW DOCTORS SAY,
"THIS ISN'T GONNA
HURT A BIT"?
WELL,
I'M NOT A DOCTOR,
AND NEITHER IS
McGINTY HERE.
HE'S RIGHT.
I'M NOT A DOCTOR.
YEAH!
OH, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S TOO BAD,
'CAUSE YOU'RE
GONNA NEED ONE.
UHH!
HOLD HIM!
LET HIM GO!
MEGAN, I'M HANDLING THIS!
SO AM I.
HA HA HA!
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT, HUH?
THIS. [PLAYS BEGINNING
TO WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT]
McGinty: OH.
OK.
[BAND PLAYING
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT]
HA HA HA HA!
[BAND FINISHES SONG]
[SARCASTIC]
I'M SO SCARED.
YOU SHOULD BE.
WE'RE TAKING BACK
OUR SCHOOL.
YEAH. NO MORE
BEING PUSHED AROUND.
NO MORE BEING STEPPED ON.
NO MORE MR. NOT-NICE GUY.
YOUR REIGN OF TERROR
OVER THE STUDENT BODY
HAS COME TO
AN ABRUPT HALT.
WHAT?
WHAT?
YES, PLEASE.
FROM NOW ON,
YOU HAVE TO PAY US
TO USE THE RESTROOM.
WE'RE PULLING
YOUR PLUG!
THROW 'EM IN THE DUMPSTER!
SWIRLIE!
YEAH!
GET 'EM!
[YELLING]
NO!
[CLATTER]
AHA! AHA! AH!
[GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA!
IT WAS HIS IDEA!
PUT ME DOWN!
WAIT!
WAIT!
WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
GETTING REVENGE
ON THE BULLIES.
BUT THAT MAKES US
THE SAME AS THEM.
DON'T YOU SEE?
I MEAN, I WENT ABOU ALL THIS THE WRONG WAY.
WE ARE NO BETTER
THAN THE BULLIES
IF WE DO EXACTLY
WHAT THE BULLIES DO.
I MEAN, WE ALL--
WE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER
AND MAKE OUR SCHOOL A
BETTER PLACE FOR EVERYONE!
FOR YOU AND YOU AND YOU
AND EVEN YOU, WORRIED KID.
[SOBS]
MAN'S GOT A POINT.
YEAH!
WHAT SHOULD
WE DO WITH THEM?
LET 'EM GO.
NO!
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
HA HA HA!
[SOBBING]
WOW! HOW COOL ARE YOU?
YOU KNOW. JUST--
A BUNCH OF US ARE HAVING
A PARTY THIS WEEKEND.
NINTH GRADERS ONLY.
EXCEPT FOR YOU, MAX.
I'M SORRY. I CAN'T COME.
I'M MEETING SOMEBODY.
SHOO SHOO!
[LAUGHS]
WHATEVER.
NICE MOVE, MAX.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK NOT MOVING
WAS THE BEST MOVE OF ALL.
IT'S JINDRAIKE!
HE'S HEADING FOR
THE ANIMAL SHELTER!
Jindraike: THAT'S IT! RUN!
SCATTER LIKE
THE CHILDREN YOU ARE!
KNOCK, KNOCK. ANYBODY HOME?
[CRASH]
[BLEATING]
WHOA!
[THUD]
HUH?
GIDDYAP!
ALL RIGHT! WHO'S FIRST?!
[NEIGHING AND BLEATING]
I KNOW! HOW ABOU THE SMELLY GOAT?!
BAA!
NOT TODAY, JINDRAIKE.
THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, WHY
DON'T WE START WITH THE BOY
WHO TRIED TO SAVE
THE SMELLY GOAT?
I DO NOT FEAR YOUR
DARK POWERS, BALD ONE.
YOUR KUNG FU'S
NO GOOD HERE, MAX.
[SPRAYS]
[BARKING AND BLEATING]
OH, WHAT IS THAT--
EEK! EEK! PBBBT! PBBBT!
TRAITOR!
UHH!
HAH!
[BLEATING AND NEIGHING]
AAH!
UHH! UHH!
OOH!
WHOA!
WHOA!
[CHEERING]
CEASE!
HE DID IT!
ALL RIGHT, MAX!
Max: YEP! I DID IT!
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
THE ANIMAL SHELTER
WAS SAFE,
THE BULLIES WERE COOKED,
AND JINDRAIKE GOT FIRED FOR
FIDDLING WITH THE BUDGET.
AS FOR ME AND MY FRIENDS,
WELL, WE WERE JUST HAPPY
THAT THE FIRST WEEK
OF SCHOOL WAS OVER.
NOW WE COULD CHILL
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
Ice Cream Man:
I'LL GET YOU, PAPERBOY!
Max: OH, MAN!
YOU WANT IT, BABY
YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
HUH, YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
ON THE DANCE FLOOR,
SHAKIN' IT UP
EVERYBODY GROOVIN',
DJ MIXIN' IT UP
WE COME TO PARTY
LET ME SEE YOU MOVE
YOUR FEET
GET IT GOIN' GIRL,
COME ON, DO IT WITH ME
MOVE YOUR HIPS LIKE THIS,
NOW BUMP TO THE BEAT
THIS IS IT, Y'ALL
LET'S TAKE I BACK TO THE STREET
SCHOOL IS OUT,
LET'S ENJOY THE HEAT
IT'S ALL YOU NOW, DO IT LIKE
YOU'RE PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS
DESTROYED RIGHT HERE
FOR YOU TO MAKIN' IT CHEAP
OLD SCHOOL, NEW SCHOOL,
COME ON, WIGGLE WITH ME
IMPORTANT PEOPLE,
SOMETHIN' I WANT TO TEACH
DO THE NEW DANCE,
IT'S CALLED THE MAX KEEBLE
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR
LIKE YOU DON'T CARE
WORKIN', JERKIN',
THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE
IF YOU WANT, LET ME SHOW YOU
HOW TO DO THAT THERE
THE BEAT WILL SURE MAKE YOU
WANT TO MOVE THAT THERE
WAVE YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR
LIKE EVERYWHERE
GET CAUGHT, EVERYBODY,
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY THAT
COME ON, STEP TO THE SIDE,
NOW GO TO THE POLLS
MORE, LITTLE MAMA,
KEEP ON YOUR TOES
STOP IN THE STOP OR NOT,
IT'S COLD
LET ME GET MY DANCE ON,
LET ME TAKE THE FLOOR
TAKE THE FLOOR,
TAKE THE FLOOR
GIVE MY NUMBER TO WAIT,
I GOT TO GO
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
NOW JUMP AND SLIDE
NOW DIP,
THAT'S RIGHT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
YOU WANT IT
BABY, YOU GOT IT
DO THE NEW DANCE,
COME ON, WAVE YOUR HANDS