A Most Atrocious Thing (2024) Movie Script
1
-So anyway,
she blocks my number.
She got a haircut, which...
okay.
I don't know. I feel like
she's taking this breakup thing
a little too far.
Did I fuck up?
Nah dude, she's crazy.
-Yeah. You're goddamn right.
-Yeah.
-Let's go kill that deer.
-Oh, yeah.
-That will show her.
-Chicks love dead deer.
Yeah, they do, but also, like,
she never showed up
to any of my water polo matches.
That's not love.
That's just disrespectful.
I mean, how can she respect you
if you don't...
respect yourself.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Nothing. It was stupid.
I'm awesome.
Oh yeah.
-I respect myself.
-Yeah, um...
I'm gonna go--
I'm gonna go piss. I'll be...
Fuck.
This is good.
Nothing bad going down here.
Just a boy taking his piss.
Huh?
Hey, Victoria.
Oh, this? Just a deer.
I shot it.
With a gun.
-Keenan?
Victoria.
Found your deer.
Hello.
Weird guy staring at me.
Yo, you good?
Are you lost old man?
You make a wrong turn
on the way to Cracker Barrel?
Yo, you good? Oh, shit.
Motherfuckin' gun!
I'm on the water polo team,
motherfucker!
Keenan!
Charles Darwin once said,
friendships are the best
measure of a man's worth.
A nice sentiment, right?
Well, maybe
for a different story.
This tale, however,
is far sillier than the likes
of Charles Darwin.
No, our story follows a group
of rather goofy young men
on a graduation trip
in the Colorado wilderness,
and how a bit of bad blood
got between them.
So sit back, relax,
and see just what these men
are worth.
Yeehaw!
All right, run me
through this dream again.
So it was your run
of the mill naked
in class dream.
And I'm up next
to give a presentation
-On?
-The decline
of the middle class,
-Paper straws
and... British people?
Weird.
And you said you were pregnant?
-Yeah.
Yeah. I woke up
to this horrible noise--
Like that?
Yeah, I think
it's getting worse.
Piece of shit, dude.
Yeah. Will, how are we doing?
Uh, yeah. No, man. We're good.
Christian, you're good up there,
right? You're juicing it,
like I said?
You keep saying that.
You keep saying
fucking juice it.
What am I juicing exactly?
-The engine. Just like bop it.
Am I juicing it or bopping it?
Those are separate things.
Dude, I think you're feeling
kind of aggro right now,
and I'm not really having it.
You know, we're both
doing our part here.
I'm trying my best.
This is your car,
why am I? Fine.
I'll bop it, all right?
I'll bop it.
Did it work?
What do you think?
-Hey, yo, you're juiced.
-Uh, homies? Not to be whatever,
but Max and Bryan
totally slept in.
Called them, like, six times,
getting nothing.
Ruh-roh. Did you try
checking their location?
-Sure.
Love the Pig-pen cosplay.
-Hilarious.
Are you gonna help or just
keep writing your dream journal?
Someone woke up
on the wrong side
of the middle seat.
-Bit cranky, are we?
-Shut up...
Neck pillow.
-Maxi? Dude, where are you guys?
We're like two hours
outside the cabin.
Wait the cabin,
wait, what time is it?
Told ya.
Oh shit, Bryan, we gotta go!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Well, they'll probably be here
by the time we fix this.
-If we fix it.
-Will. I mean, can't you call
Triple A?
-No, they blocked me ages ago.
-You got blocked by Triple A?
That's kind of tight.
-Oh my God.
First the car breaks down,
then Max and Bryan sleep in.
I just want to have
a nice little cabin adventure
with the homies.
Is that too much to ask for?
Christian? My brother in Christ.
Just trust the process.
-What process?
Juicing it?
Juice. The juice!
Yeee.
All right, homies,
here's the plan.
Bryan and Max are on their own,
but if we power on
while the car is still juiced,
we might actually make it
before lunch.
What do you say?
-Right after I smoke.
-Whoo!
Wait for me.
Typical.
It's a miracle
they let us graduate.
Yeah,
400,000 fucking dollars later.
Yeah. Seriously.
Speaking of college, dude,
I never got to say it,
but congrats on NYU.
Grad school! Are you excited?
Yeah. Thanks, man.
I'm, uh, I'm stoked.
It'll be fun.
It seems like Dylan
took the news well.
Yeah. No. Yeah, it's tough,
but like you said,
he took it well.
Right. It's just good
that you told him
before the trip.
Now we can just sit back,
relax and rage, baby. Ha ha!
Yeah. No,
it'll be a nice send off.
Shotgun.
This is gonna be
the best trip ever.
Oh, Christian,
is it that one?
- No.
- Guys, please.
- this is important.
- It's that one, right?
No.
-Christian, is it that one?
- No.
- Is it the one
made out of wood?
Guys, can I get back
to what I was saying?
- No!
- But here's the magic,
is that when you get ten
of your friends to buy in,
you essentially get all
the supplements for free.
That's a pyramid scheme.
You're in a pyramid scheme.
-You just keep selling
from the top to the bottom
like a pyramid.
- No.
-Yeah.
-No, no. You get--
-That's what it is.
-Definitely no.
-That is the shape
of a pyramid.
Actually.
-It's foolproof.
-We can make so much money.
Fuck, can you pass me
that water bottle?
I really gotta piss.
Matt,
we are literally here.
-And?
Christian,
where's the bathroom?
Down the hall, to the right.
Just be careful.
-Matt, you've got
to get that checked out.
I gave you my doctor's number.
Yeah, you take
that many supplements,
that's that's on you.
Well, boys.
Welcome to Paradise Ranch.
Christian, you were not kidding.
This is a... this is a cabin.
-Right?
The craftsmanship
on these timber frames
is amazing.
Anyone see a...
old piece of paper anywhere
that says, house rules on it.
Yeah. Is it just one
that says house rules?
What are you doing? Stop!
It's been in my family
for 75 fucking years, you idiot!
God damn it!
-I just wanted to make origami.
-Hey, no more rules.
Yeah, no more rules.
Don't run with that. Don't--
No, that's not what I meant.
It was a joke.
That's a lost cause.
-Feast your eyes.
The Tooley Valley.
It's only 15 minutes away
from here.
-Well. Let's go.
You think the guys will be down?
Ah, who needs them?
Let's you and me go.
Let's do it.
Hey, Ben.
I'm gonna go
find a walking stick.
Can you grab me one?
-Yeah.
Thanks. What's up?
Will?
Will?
William?
-Make sure you light up.
Huh, really thought
you would have been in here.
You happy?
-I got you.
-Yeah, you got me.
-Yeah.
Happy for you, man.
Will's high.
That's no surprise.
What's up Wicker Man?
There's a lot of sticks.
Yeah.
I don't know if any of these
are quite right, though.
Not horrible.
-It's about the man
behind the stick.
-Beautifully put.
You guys think if I, like,
ironed it it would be okay?
Like it's not noticeable, right?
-If you don't mind
it being singed.
What's up with the service,
by the way?
Oh, yeah. That is not existent
up here.
By the way, you two are going
to be in the back cabin...
-Hm, not bad.
-...with Matt.
Oh, no...
You see me standing over you,
do not look me in the eyes.
I will wake up.
It will not be good.
Nice.
I'm gonna kill you.
-I'm sorry.
Well at least he already pooped.
It's the first of many.
Sometimes they get violent
too. I call them trauma dumps.
Gross.
Oh, retro.
Oh, yeah. Kind of Lincoln Loggy.
I call big bed.
Mm, it smells like Christian.
-I wanted the big bed.
-Want top bunk as consolation?
-Do I?
The top bunk has natural light,
but, but the spiders.
I could fall off. But--
But if I take the bottom,
it might collapse on me.
And it's kind of dark at night,
but, like,
it's like a little cave.
It's kind of cozy. Oh, God.
Ah nah, nah,
you can have it.
Okay.
Oh, what do we have here?
Hello, beautiful.
Oh, shit.
This is an old Remington.
This is sick.
Dude, we should ask Christian
about this.
-Just don't show Matt.
-Good call.
Mm, big bed.
You know, the Tooley Valley
probably looks pretty
at sunrise.
Was thinking maybe we could go
tomorrow morning.
Yeah I was thinking we could,
like, take a picture and hang it
in the room when we move in.
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Dylan, I was hoping
we could talk, actually.
Hey, guys.
Bella's here.
Oh, here's the entertainment.
Hello.
Going buckwild down here
at Vinny's Venison.
We got deer so good,
it'll make you go crazy.
Look, Ben, I'm a wendigo.
I'm gonna eat your face.
Anyone? Wendigo?
Will, can you turn
that off, please?
Okay, guys, come over here.
Feast your eyes.
Wow.
- This is--
- Incredible.
-I was gonna say a lot.
How much do we owe you?
Ah, it's my father's stash,
so...
his family doesn't come
till spring.
-Nice.
-Bunch of friends drinking
in the woods?
I can get behind that.
That's the spirit, homie.
-I'm way too high.
-Okay.
-To a week of trees,
trees and more trees.
Our first annual
Colorado adventure.
And to the new house.
I didn't want to drink that.
It was kind of gross.
-Oh, really?
I don't know why.
I tasted dust in mine.
River feet, river feet,
river feet.
River river river feet.
River feet, river feet,
river river river feet.
Oh fuck that.
Fuck no.
Come on, guys,
we gotta do river balls next.
You're not gonna eat me,
are you?
Oh shit,
you're totally gonna eat me! Ah!
What are you looking at?
The engine.
Is that good?
I don't know, man. I guess so.
Sweet.
-So you know how NYU
has a really good grad program
for writers?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Didn't--
Didn't Claire Edwards go there?
She did, yeah.
Uh, I talked to her recently,
actually.
-Oh.
-No. No, not like that.
No, I texted her because I,
I applied.
Oh, really? Oh, dude.
That's awesome.
Have you heard back yet?
I have, yeah. Um...
I got in.
Oh, New York, that's pretty far.
When do you start?
Two weeks.
What?
I leave for New York
in two weeks.
Oh. What about the house?
No, I mean, I am going to come
and help you guys move in and...
Say goodbye.
But hey, you'll still have Matt.
I mean, dude,
why didn't you tell--
Boys, we're going hunting.
The fuck? Y'all good or what?
I spy with my little eye,
something green.
-Is it that tree?
-Yep.
Yeah, it was the tree. Okay.
I spy with my little eye.
I spy something yellow.
-Lane divider?
-Yes.
Um, okay.
I spy something dark green.
Okay, Max,
let's play another game.
Yeah, sorry.
-How about we play 20 questions.
-Oh, okay. Okay.
Um... Is it a person?
-Kind of.
It's for a person.
-Oh, okay.
-It's a gathering.
-A gathering?
Oh, like an event?
-Yes.
Just like an event. Yes.
Are there a lot of people
at the event?
-Just the homies.
-Oh okay.
It's an event
with just the homies.
For one person.
Yes. And only that one person
will be very, very happy.
Oh, we love a happy homie.
-Oh, the happiest of homies.
-Okay.
Is it the fucking orgy, dude?
Come on, we're not doing that.
It's not the orgy.
You always bring it up
every time we get high
or something, like you're gonna
trick us into it.
It's fucked up, honestly.
Okay, for the record,
I never said I wanted
to have an orgy.
I just thought
it would be interesting to see
how it changed
our group dynamic.
Oh, my God, it's always some
goddamn philosophy with you.
What do you mean?
I asked you this morning
if you could drive for, like,
two hours
because I'm so deadly tired.
And you said, Well, actually,
I think it'd be interesting
to see how
the sleep deprivation
plays out on the road.
Well does it not
pique your curiosity?
I am so tired, I cannot see.
Ah!
I gotta burp.
Okay.
And that's
around the time my dad
started hanging out
with his new family.
Dude, are you okay?
Do you need to talk?
-Yeah, probably.
So are your neighbors
like, chillers or what?
-It's off season,
so no one's around for miles.
Besides some groundskeeper
my dad hired.
What about that guy?
- Great. He's Blair Witching.
Hello? Mr. Willoughby?
Is he okay?
-Hey, sir. It's--
it's good to see you.
Did my dad say I was coming?
Definitely salvia.
What the fuck?
-Guess my dad isn't paying him
either.
Well, I guess
we're turning back.
Nope. We're going hunting.
I'm in.
It says no trespassing,
like, a thousand times.
This just seems
a little sketchy.
I'll let you hold the gun,
Matt.
I'm in.
Yo, less thinky,
more killy.
Let's do this thing.
Uh, yeah, whatever. Let's go.
-Watch where you guys
are walking, by the way.
Snakes, land mines.
Wait, what?
You're dead.
- Dude. What the fuck?
- Pew, you're dead.
-Jesus, Matt, stop.
You're acting like a psychopath.
-Nah, I'm on that Red Dead Two
shit.
- Hey, Christian.
- Yeah?
Did you know Ben wasn't moving
in with us?
Um... is that a bird?
Look at that bird over there.
That's weird.
-Christian.
Yeah, we knew.
Did everyone know?
I don't know, man.
Yeah, we just...
we didn't want to tell you
because, you know,
you guys are, like,
best friends.
Seems like he
should have told you.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
Yo, guys! Come here.
Oh!
They're dinner.
Do we have to do this?
All right, deer,
say hello to your deer god.
Fuck!
God damn it, Matt, you missed.
No, he didn't.
Oh.
Oh my God! Oh. Matt!
Damn it, I told you east,
not west.
I shot it east!
- fucking head, Matt!
Really Christian?
You think I can't see it?
Just kill it, okay?
Kill it. Just shoot it.
Ah!
-You missed again.
-I don't know!
Give me the gun,
give me the gun.
Just give me the gun.
Why?
-You're high, Will.
-Hi, Dylan.
-Why is this loaded?
Wait one second.
Wait, give me a second.
Oh. Oh, God.
It's all the bugs on me.
All the bugs on me.
Oh my God.
So you're saying he sees
in the body with creel?
Yeah. Cannibals, man.
Honestly,
sounds tasty.
-I think I'd be the tastiest.
You are incorrect.
I eat the most beets.
Therefore, I am the tastiest.
-Why would eating beets
make you tasty?
I can't tell you,
otherwise you'd be tasty.
When do Max and Bryan
get here again?
Tomorrow morning.
Not soon enough.
-Hey, homunculus.
How those steaks looking?
Pretty good. Five more minutes.
So Ben,
are you gonna be doing, like,
more of a roommate situation
or more of, like, bridge,
tunnel, kind of, like, life?
What is a bridge tent situa--?
I'm having-- I have a roommate.
I just haven't heard back
from him yet, so.
-Not a good sign, homie.
-I mean. You know,
I won't be spending much time
with him anyway.
I'll be going to class,
hanging out, calling you guys.
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
be calling us Mr. City Boy.
You knew that, right?
Wait, what?
-Yeah. Ben is a city boy.
Oh, city boy,
city boy, city boy,
city boy, city boy, city boy,
- city boy.
- Hey, where are you going?
Oh, fuck me. I farkled.
Dylan. Dylan.
Come on, man, can you open up?
Can we just talk, okay?
I didn't plan on any of this.
I just applied on a whim,
and I got in.
I didn't think I would, okay?
It just happened so fast.
Well, you already have
an apartment and a roommate
set up.
Yeah, okay, I know,
and can we just move past that
and have a good time here,
not let it ruin our trip?
Look, I'm sorry I didn't
tell you sooner, all right?
It's not that you waited
to tell me.
It's not that you're moving
to New York.
It's that you told
every single person in there
except for me.
I'm your fucking best friend,
man. I would have supported you.
-Feel that, Matt?
-Yeah.
Of course. That means
it was in pain when it died.
How does that make you feel?
-I feel nothing.
Whatever. Where's--
where's Dylan?
He's probably not joining.
Okay, before we dig in,
let's give thanks for the reason
we're able to eat tonight.
-Thank you deer.
Thank you deer.
Let's dig in.
This is pretty rare, right?
-Yeah. Boo style.
Right, yeah.
No, it's just it's-- it's raw.
Yeah, boo style.
Uh... you guys enjoy.
More for the hungry homie.
Yes. I'm eating beans
like rorshach.
That is so obscure.
Take it back. Freshman year.
- Freshman year?
- You, me, neighbors in the dorm.
You're like--
you're like shorter than me?
-Yeah.
-No. You were like, here.
-I was like--
-What happened? You got tall.
I don't know, I-- I like food,
I like food.
-So you're a growing boy.
-Growing boy. Big boy.
No. Come on,
flip it, flip it, you fuck!
Come on, do it! Yes!
I wish we got
the Van Nuys house for parties,
but this house rules.
-I think, straight up,
She's my little woo thing.
-Ooh, Shorty got the fatty.
Shorty got the fatty.
Come on. Oh. They're gone.
City boy is zooted.
Did you guys hear that?
Someone's coming, Matt.
Okay, it's definitely Max
or Bryan.
Hey. Nah,
it's running animals.
-Okay. Would an animal
make this sound? Awh!
Take the hit bro.
Yeah, you sure
this is it?
Wait, wait. No,
I just heard it again.
That was very close.
Did you guys hear that?
Will can't hang.
Oh, shit. You too.
Christian, are you good?
Are you good?
Yeah, you're fine.
-No one's gonna die.
B-Bryan?
Really bad fucking best friend,
man.
I would have supported it.
What were you waiting for,
city boy?
Guys?
Matt? Will?
Christian?
Ah, yeah. That's you.
You're not still going
are you?
No. You're puking. Okay.
That's all right, man.
Just let it out.
It happens to everybody.
Help me. Help me.
Yeah, um...
Just just stay here, okay man?
You're gonna be all right.
I'm gonna go grab the guys,
and then we'll uh...
Get you some help.
Will? Will?
Can you wake up, man?
Christian's freaking out, okay?
I don't know what's happening.
He's--
He's foaming at the mouth
and shit.
I don't know what's going on.
Christian, just calm down man,
all right?
Just calm down, man.
You're okay.
Yeah, sit down.
Let's just take it easy, okay?
Back up, okay?
I'm gonna use this.
Okay. Hey, Christian.
Get back!
Shit!
Stop, stop!
Stop, stop, Christian!
Please, I don't want to do this.
Stop!
Will, is he...?
Ben, what the fuck did you do?
I didn't mean to. Okay?
I don't know why.
He just came at me, all right?
I didn't mean to!
So what, you killed him?
No, of course not.
Look at his face.
We need to get help
or something.
Yeah, who are we gonna call,
okay? There's no service!
What? There's no fucking service
here. Look at him, man!
Maybe they can help somehow,
I mean...
I'll go to the neighbors.
I'll see--
Maybe they have a phone.
They could help-- something.
Okay. Yeah. Let's go
to the neighbor, all right?
No, I'm not fucking going
with you.
-Fuck you, I'm not staying here.
Yo, it's Christian,
if I'm not answering,
I'm either really drunk
or really dead.
The store's closed.
Dude, I got no Gs out here.
I can't reach anyone.
What do you think
they're doing?
What if they're setting up
for the surprise party?
For my birthday!
In two months. That makes sense.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna go pee.
-I'll figure out
the G situation.
Today was my birthday.
All my friends forget me.
It's fucking cold outside.
I just want to go pee.
I'm so fucking high.
Bryan whimpers.
Happy birthday
to you!
Oh my God, put your dick away!
-Drive!
-Okay, okay!
-Drive!
-I'm going.
-It saw my peen.
You said Christian
was foaming at the mouth?
You saw the body.
Hello?
-No one here?
Sorry to barge in so late.
We just... really need help.
-There was an accident. We need
to get to a phone, please.
Is anybody home?
Guess not.
Hello. Hello?
Fucking dead.
Ben, we gotta find a new phone.
Oh, shit.
-Fuck.
-He's... yeah.
-Uh, yeah, yeah. He's dead.
Don't eat the deer.
-I don't know.
It just doesn't make--
it doesn't--
it doesn't make sense, right?
I mean, Christian
was a Bud Light legend.
He's not a lightweight.
He shouldn't die from drinking.
Who knows?
I-I-I don't know,
something's weird.
Yo. Crazy question.
You want to go check
and see if he's got a big dick?
Matt, you do realize our friend
just died, right?
Yeah.
Rip.
You know, I-I don't talk
about this much, but, my week
with Christian
in the Black Forest, that was,
I don't know, something
about it. It was really magical.
That was
the best weekend of my life.
What about our week
at the Herpes Tree?
Was that not the most
magical week of your life?
Isn't this great?
Thanks for being little spoon,
by the way.
Sorry if you can feel that.
-Come on. I mean--
-That was just like, oh my God.
You know what? We had
a great time at Arabis Tree.
It's just, you know--
-That experience right there.
We talked about that experience
for-for-for months after that.
I dunno, it's hard to rank them.
You know, it's just--
See you're being weird about it.
You're saying it's great,
but is it not the best?
I don't know.
When you're going like house
to house,
bed to bed with a guy
I don't know, You learn a lot
about each other.
It was just, I don't know.
I told you, hey--
-You know, I'm just gonna, like,
try to chalk this all up
to the fact that maybe he's dead
right now, and you're feeling
some weird things.
But that trip to Arabis Tree
was fucking amazing.
And, you know what?
I-I think you're just jealous.
Maybe I am, maybe I am.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
You're jealous.
-Ow ow ow ow!
-Ow ow!
-Fuck.
-Okay.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Do we talk tomorrow?
Fucking idiot.
The deer, man.
It's got to be the deer.
I was in the woods.
I got attacked.
Wait, by the deer?
-No, no, no.
By some crazy guy.
He must have eaten the deer.
It's got to be tainted.
Like mad cow?
Is that the one
where the cows go mad?
-Yeah.
-Exactly.
But you didn't eat it though,
right?
No, no.
-Crazy guy did bite me, though.
-Oh, he bit you?
-Oof.
-Yeah.
-Is it bad?
Um, you know, it's kind
of hard to tell with the light.
It's a minor flesh wound.
Good.
Got a family reunion next week.
Did you eat the deer?
No, no, I--
Gotta look good
for the pictures, you know?
Well, I didn't.
All right,
so let me get this straight.
Matt, Will and Christian
did eat the deer.
Yeah.
-All right.
How much did they have?
-Uh...Like, a lot.
Okay, great.
Yeah. That's great.
All right, so now Will and Matt
are going to get sick.
And then what?
We need to beat them to death?
No don't need that,
just calm down, all right?
Fucking calm down?
How are you
so calm right now, Ben?
Remember when you
killed Christian?
-I had no choice,
that wasn't Christian.
-That wasn't Christian?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
He was sick, okay?
if it wasn't Christian,
what was it?
That.
Agh, Dylan help!
Okay, I see
what you meant now.
Okay, so help me.
Uh, what do I do? What do I do?
Damn it, Dylan, you don't talk
to me all day
and then shit hits the fan
and you're on the side lines?
What? I didn't talk to you
all day because you led me on
about the house.
Yeah, cause I knew
how you were gonna react.
Well, I'm sorry
that I don't want to be alone.
Alone?
Dylan pass me the phone.
Come on, come on.
Thanks
You were so excited
about moving in together I...
I didn't want to hurt you.
I was--
doing the--
right--
thing.
I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry.
Shit.
Go get to the garage,
I'll hold him off. Go.
Oh shit.
Shit, now I killed someone.
And it had this, like,
thick, nasty fur.
Wow.
-Glowing red eyes.
-Oh, spooky.
These big pointy teeth.
Yeah, totally sounds
like a fucking deer.
Max, you don't understand.
This deer is evil.
Oh, was there a big spooky thing
outside in the woods?
I don't know,
it's dark at night.
I--
I think we're both just tired.
One of us more than the other.
How about...
we go to sleep?
It saw my penis.
And what a wonderful penis
it is.
Also, please stop smoking this.
Revenge porn?
Who is naming this?
You've clearly had a long day,
bud, okay?
Why don't you just relax
and chill the fuck out?
I'm going to go
get my night serum.
-Okay. Bye bye.
Just gotta relax.
Just gotta chill the fuck out.
Matt? Will?
Maybe they're playing
hide and seek?
I'm gonna go see
if they're in the back.
You wanna grab Will's car keys
from upstairs,
see if we can get out of here?
Sounds good.
We're probably gonna die, huh?
-Yeah.
-Fair enough.
Will?
Are ya in here?
Matt?
Feeling all right, man?
If you're anywhere in this room,
you can just
stay wherever you are.
Please be trauma dumping.
I'm just going to get the keys,
and Ben and I are going
to get the fuck out and...
keep doing whatever it is
you're doing.
All right, it's got
to be in here somewhere.
Oh, my God,
that's so much weed.
Oh, thank fucking God.
Oh, hey Will.
What happened to your face,
buddy?
Are you feeling--
Hey!
Look okay, we saw
what happened with Christian.
That doesn't need
to happen here.
I'm just gonna go.
I'm gonna go roll you a joint.
I'm gonna go roll you a joint.
I just need to get
the rolling papers.
So I'm gonna go do that.
But I'll be right back.
Agh, no! No!
Shit.
Ah. Ow.
I think Will had
his tetanus shot.
Well, I'm probably not going
to make it to the Tooley Valley
this time, huh?
Yeah, probably not.
Shit. We gotta get a move on.
Fuck.
-So Will, was he...
-Foaming at the mouth?
Yeah.
-Yeah. Sounds right.
Any sign of Matt back there?
No, but from the looks of it,
he's probably turned, so...
One more thing
to worry about.
Shh, sh.
What?
It stopped.
Did-did-did Will?
Yeah he just--
he just jumped off the balcony.
We should go.
-Let's get the fuck out.
Come on, come on.
No no no no.
Come on, come on, come on.
-Oh, my fucking God!
-Fuck!
Shit.
-Fucking Christ! Of course.
Right, there's bear
in the garage.
Oh, God. Okay.
And I have to go get it.
Okay.
It's fine, it's fine.
I'll just--
Can I go grab that gun?
Um... Will's still out there.
I know but you're in the car
though, so you can lock it.
You're-- you're right,
you're right.
I'm just going to the garage.
That's the only reason I ask.
-I'm a little scared.
But this is for you, this is--
You should take this.
Okay, so you can let go
of the gun.
Uh, yes. Yeah. Okay.
You'll be quick.
Yeah. Yes.
Okay.
You good?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm gonna go.
Ugh.
Not the zipper!
No, no, no.
What are you looking at?
-Ah!
Fun weekend at Christian's.
See the birds,
look at the trees.
Fuck me.
Stop stop stop stop.
Come on, stop fish.
Oh! What are you doing?
-Shh! Max, the deer is back.
-Oh, God. You smoked.
-Shh!
It tried to open the tent.
-Bryan, go to sleep.
No, you don't understand.
The situation is one
in which never seen before.
The situation is that
you're always high.
Fuck.
Come on Ben,
where the fuck are you?
-No, no, he has hooves.
How could it open a zipper?
-Is this about your birthday?
-What?
Oh my God, Bryan!
At first I was sorry.
And now I am
certainly not sorry.
You were losing your mind.
No you're a real sick,
twisted son of a bitch.
I forgot one little birthday.
I honestly don't want
to be around for any birthday.
- Bryan, what is that?
Shit.
Oh, Matt.
Hey, homie.
No, no!
-It's a deer, evil deer!
I told you, Max!
I'm always right.
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, God. Jesus fucking Christ!
Can you just leave me
the fuck alone
for one goddamn second?
Just give me this.
Just fucking have a break.
Oh my God, I'm sick of all
this fucking zombie shit.
J-just stop, please.
I'll go get you some Tums.
How about that?
Yes, it's good.
It's very good.
Just stay there, please.
Just.
Oh my fuck! No, no!
Oh, what do you want from me?
Oh, no! Ah!
Ahh!
Bryan!
Gotta go, gotta--
Dylan! Dylan!
Help!
Oh, you found Matt.
Ah!
Ah!
Hi-ya!
Oh! Let's go!
Get away from me!
Get away from me! Get away!
Hey, homie.
Sorry, Matt.
No wait, I'm too high.
-God damn it!
It's all on you.
There's no one left.
What are you gonna do?
Will you fight
or will you perish like a dog?
You hear that? It's over.
Die like you've lived.
A coward.
He's just like me. For real.
What is happening?
-Max? Don't you see?
You were right the whole time.
The deer aren't evil.
They just like simple kush.
Just like you and me.
Oh, God.
They're not that different
from us, after all.
And they're kind of cute.
Okay that thing
is fucked up, though.
Yeah, never mind.
It's incredibly ill.
We should probably go.
Yeah, we should go. Let's go.
-I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.
No. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have made you drive
for 19 hours straight.
Yeah, it's kind of fucked up,
dude,
but I forgot your birthday.
That means a lot to you, man.
Yeah, I'm a pretty big
birthday guy.
But we got this whole trip
ahead of us.
Tomorrow morning we'll be
at this beautiful cabin
in Colorado, with a ton of beer
and our best friends
in the world.
You're right. All of our friends
will be there.
We'll throw you
a big birthday party, all right?
Really?
Christian'll bake you
a big cake.
Matt's gonna give you
a big hug.
Dylan'll sing,
and Ben'll light the candles.
Wow.
I love the homies.
Yeah.
Feel like we're
forgetting someone.
No.
Homie?
Holy shit.
What the fuck?
Is that physically possible?
I guess we better go.
-Yeah, yeah, we should go.
-Fuck.
Will. Yeah.
Will.
- Will, he's awesome.
I always forget about Will.
Holy shit,
what a fucking evening.
Hey, thank God you came in
with the antlers.
That was choice.
Yeah. Dude, I just saw something
sharp and pointy.
-And it paid off.
But yeah, no, so we left
the garage,
and then what happened?
Yeah and then
a wild fucking Will appeared.
Oh my God, right.
He got fucking launched.
How far was that?
You know, realistically,
I would say ten feet,
but I think
I'm gonna write down 100.
Hey, go for two. Why not?
You know what
I totally forgot about what?
-What?
-Max and Bryan.
I mean, those fucking bozos.
What happened?
Oh my God. Yeah.
Wait, they-- they just
never showed up, did they?
Yeah, I thought they were gonna,
like, save the day or something.
Hey. You know,
you could have them save us
in the screenplay.
Screenplay?
Yeah. Dude.
Got an outline right here.
You gotta write this at NYU.
Yeah, maybe a lot of therapy.
Could use a co-writer
in the city, though.
-Moi?
-Yeah. Come on.
You wanna be a city boy?
- Come on.
- City boy, city boy,
city boy.
-Well, shit. I guess I'd better.
All my roommates are dead,
right?
Yeah.
No, but seriously,
once this nightmare is over,
we'll get you patched up,
fly you out first thing.
You can crash my couch.
My bed. I'll take the couch.
Hey, uh...
-Yeah.
-Ben.
No, and I know you're probably,
like, allergic to, like,
everything in the city,
so like...
And we gotta hit up
this mom and pop pizza shop
Christian told me about.
It's a little hole in the wall.
And some bars.
-Ben!
Ah!
Fuck this guy.
Where did he come from, dude,
I thought you pushed him
down the stairs!
What do I do?
Quick! Use the wiper.
-What?
-Use the wiper.
-Okay?
-Just do it.
Ah!
Ben?
Ben?
-Dude, have you got
your seatbelt on?
Always.
Okay great. Remember that movie
I Love You, Man ,
starring Paul Rudd
and Jason Segel?
-Ben?
-I love you, man! Ah!
- Yo! Hey Benny boy.
- You look like shit.
Somebody die, or?
- So you had to kill--
- Will, Matt, Christian
and the neighbor?
-And the hunter.
And the hunter.
-And the hunter.
-Right.
Technically Dylan killed Matt,
but yeah.
Oh, okay.
So it's not all on you.
And Dylan at the Tooley Valley,
you...
- Yeah.
- Oh, God.
Man, this doesn't feel real.
-I'm sorry, man.
-Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, how far back
did Will fly again?
I don't know, it was inhuman.
And before you shot him,
he said, Homie ?
Yeah, there's a good chance
he was just really high, so...
How far is inhuman in feet?
-Do you think Will
smoked all that weed?
Like, maybe we should go back
to the cabin just to check?
Are you serious?
Oh, sorry. Yeah.
My bad.
Okay, cool. Thanks.
Should we head back to town?
Maybe get some help?
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
Cool.
-Cool. Yeah.
Dude.
- Wait, something's wrong.
Guys.
Sorry, this song
is not the vibe.
Let me put it
on the melancholy mix.
Ooh, or the sad boy station.
Hey, Max.
-Yeah?
You got a request?
Oh, yeah. I have a song.
Can you play Shut the Fuck Up
by Bryan, featuring Earth
and its entire population?
That is so unnecessary, dude.
Come on. I'm trying
to set a mood.
All of our friends just died.
That's the mood.
Exactly.
More of a reason
not to shit the bed on us.
Okay, that's insane.
I'm not insane.
I let drama sit and stew.
I'm not an INFP or whatever
Oscar Mayer wiener shit
you think I am!
- It's Myers-Briggs.
You're such an ENFP.
-Stop throwing letters at me.
You know I'm dyslexic.
-Oh, I'm well aware
of your condition.
-This is why.
astrology is so much better.
It's signs and shapes.
It's simple.
-You're simple.
-You're a piece of shit.
-I'm a piece of shit?
You're a piece of shit.
We need group therapy.
That's what the orgy
could have been.
-So you admit it.
You wanted an orgy?
-Oh, yeah. Sure.
-Guys...
I mean, we're all
a bit homiesexual.
-What the fuck?
-Guys!
-I like--
-What?
Where'd you find this?
Oh, that's Vinny's dude.
Yeah, I found that on Yelp.
It's like a local meat spot
over here. It's organic
and stuff. It's pretty good.
Did not sit well
with Bryan, though.
-You said it was beyond me.
I'm vegan.
Yeah, it's beyond
all expectations.
That's the whole thing.
When did you eat it?
Breakfast?
Yeah, Vinny's does breakfast
now.
Oh, good for them.
Well it's venison.
You ate venison.
-Oh.
-Hm.
Do you know what venison is?
-Meat?
-It's like Italian?
-It's deer.
You ate deer? It's on the logo.
Oh.
Oh, deer.
Well, well, well.
What a tale
we have unraveled here today.
One of adventure,
lust and betrayal.
I do hope y'all learned
something.
I know I sure didn't.
Until next time
my flesh wearing friends,
always remember...
Don't eat the deer.
Yee-haw!
Hey, folks, I'm going buck wild
down here at Vinny's Venison!
We've got tasty deer,
crazy deer, huge deer,
small, rare, well done,
morning deer.
We should make pot legal.
Deer, deer, deer,
deer, deer, deer.
Vinny's Venison deer
is going to make you die.
I'd like you all
to meet my beautiful boy,
Vinny Venison Junior.
Here he is, folks,
fresh out of Harvard University.
I love you, Pa. Somehow
I love killing deer even more.
So let's get together
at Vinny's Venison
at Chain Zorro. Woo-hoo!
I'm Vinny Venison, and you
are watching Boxfort TV.
Boxfort.
-So anyway,
she blocks my number.
She got a haircut, which...
okay.
I don't know. I feel like
she's taking this breakup thing
a little too far.
Did I fuck up?
Nah dude, she's crazy.
-Yeah. You're goddamn right.
-Yeah.
-Let's go kill that deer.
-Oh, yeah.
-That will show her.
-Chicks love dead deer.
Yeah, they do, but also, like,
she never showed up
to any of my water polo matches.
That's not love.
That's just disrespectful.
I mean, how can she respect you
if you don't...
respect yourself.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Nothing. It was stupid.
I'm awesome.
Oh yeah.
-I respect myself.
-Yeah, um...
I'm gonna go--
I'm gonna go piss. I'll be...
Fuck.
This is good.
Nothing bad going down here.
Just a boy taking his piss.
Huh?
Hey, Victoria.
Oh, this? Just a deer.
I shot it.
With a gun.
-Keenan?
Victoria.
Found your deer.
Hello.
Weird guy staring at me.
Yo, you good?
Are you lost old man?
You make a wrong turn
on the way to Cracker Barrel?
Yo, you good? Oh, shit.
Motherfuckin' gun!
I'm on the water polo team,
motherfucker!
Keenan!
Charles Darwin once said,
friendships are the best
measure of a man's worth.
A nice sentiment, right?
Well, maybe
for a different story.
This tale, however,
is far sillier than the likes
of Charles Darwin.
No, our story follows a group
of rather goofy young men
on a graduation trip
in the Colorado wilderness,
and how a bit of bad blood
got between them.
So sit back, relax,
and see just what these men
are worth.
Yeehaw!
All right, run me
through this dream again.
So it was your run
of the mill naked
in class dream.
And I'm up next
to give a presentation
-On?
-The decline
of the middle class,
-Paper straws
and... British people?
Weird.
And you said you were pregnant?
-Yeah.
Yeah. I woke up
to this horrible noise--
Like that?
Yeah, I think
it's getting worse.
Piece of shit, dude.
Yeah. Will, how are we doing?
Uh, yeah. No, man. We're good.
Christian, you're good up there,
right? You're juicing it,
like I said?
You keep saying that.
You keep saying
fucking juice it.
What am I juicing exactly?
-The engine. Just like bop it.
Am I juicing it or bopping it?
Those are separate things.
Dude, I think you're feeling
kind of aggro right now,
and I'm not really having it.
You know, we're both
doing our part here.
I'm trying my best.
This is your car,
why am I? Fine.
I'll bop it, all right?
I'll bop it.
Did it work?
What do you think?
-Hey, yo, you're juiced.
-Uh, homies? Not to be whatever,
but Max and Bryan
totally slept in.
Called them, like, six times,
getting nothing.
Ruh-roh. Did you try
checking their location?
-Sure.
Love the Pig-pen cosplay.
-Hilarious.
Are you gonna help or just
keep writing your dream journal?
Someone woke up
on the wrong side
of the middle seat.
-Bit cranky, are we?
-Shut up...
Neck pillow.
-Maxi? Dude, where are you guys?
We're like two hours
outside the cabin.
Wait the cabin,
wait, what time is it?
Told ya.
Oh shit, Bryan, we gotta go!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Well, they'll probably be here
by the time we fix this.
-If we fix it.
-Will. I mean, can't you call
Triple A?
-No, they blocked me ages ago.
-You got blocked by Triple A?
That's kind of tight.
-Oh my God.
First the car breaks down,
then Max and Bryan sleep in.
I just want to have
a nice little cabin adventure
with the homies.
Is that too much to ask for?
Christian? My brother in Christ.
Just trust the process.
-What process?
Juicing it?
Juice. The juice!
Yeee.
All right, homies,
here's the plan.
Bryan and Max are on their own,
but if we power on
while the car is still juiced,
we might actually make it
before lunch.
What do you say?
-Right after I smoke.
-Whoo!
Wait for me.
Typical.
It's a miracle
they let us graduate.
Yeah,
400,000 fucking dollars later.
Yeah. Seriously.
Speaking of college, dude,
I never got to say it,
but congrats on NYU.
Grad school! Are you excited?
Yeah. Thanks, man.
I'm, uh, I'm stoked.
It'll be fun.
It seems like Dylan
took the news well.
Yeah. No. Yeah, it's tough,
but like you said,
he took it well.
Right. It's just good
that you told him
before the trip.
Now we can just sit back,
relax and rage, baby. Ha ha!
Yeah. No,
it'll be a nice send off.
Shotgun.
This is gonna be
the best trip ever.
Oh, Christian,
is it that one?
- No.
- Guys, please.
- this is important.
- It's that one, right?
No.
-Christian, is it that one?
- No.
- Is it the one
made out of wood?
Guys, can I get back
to what I was saying?
- No!
- But here's the magic,
is that when you get ten
of your friends to buy in,
you essentially get all
the supplements for free.
That's a pyramid scheme.
You're in a pyramid scheme.
-You just keep selling
from the top to the bottom
like a pyramid.
- No.
-Yeah.
-No, no. You get--
-That's what it is.
-Definitely no.
-That is the shape
of a pyramid.
Actually.
-It's foolproof.
-We can make so much money.
Fuck, can you pass me
that water bottle?
I really gotta piss.
Matt,
we are literally here.
-And?
Christian,
where's the bathroom?
Down the hall, to the right.
Just be careful.
-Matt, you've got
to get that checked out.
I gave you my doctor's number.
Yeah, you take
that many supplements,
that's that's on you.
Well, boys.
Welcome to Paradise Ranch.
Christian, you were not kidding.
This is a... this is a cabin.
-Right?
The craftsmanship
on these timber frames
is amazing.
Anyone see a...
old piece of paper anywhere
that says, house rules on it.
Yeah. Is it just one
that says house rules?
What are you doing? Stop!
It's been in my family
for 75 fucking years, you idiot!
God damn it!
-I just wanted to make origami.
-Hey, no more rules.
Yeah, no more rules.
Don't run with that. Don't--
No, that's not what I meant.
It was a joke.
That's a lost cause.
-Feast your eyes.
The Tooley Valley.
It's only 15 minutes away
from here.
-Well. Let's go.
You think the guys will be down?
Ah, who needs them?
Let's you and me go.
Let's do it.
Hey, Ben.
I'm gonna go
find a walking stick.
Can you grab me one?
-Yeah.
Thanks. What's up?
Will?
Will?
William?
-Make sure you light up.
Huh, really thought
you would have been in here.
You happy?
-I got you.
-Yeah, you got me.
-Yeah.
Happy for you, man.
Will's high.
That's no surprise.
What's up Wicker Man?
There's a lot of sticks.
Yeah.
I don't know if any of these
are quite right, though.
Not horrible.
-It's about the man
behind the stick.
-Beautifully put.
You guys think if I, like,
ironed it it would be okay?
Like it's not noticeable, right?
-If you don't mind
it being singed.
What's up with the service,
by the way?
Oh, yeah. That is not existent
up here.
By the way, you two are going
to be in the back cabin...
-Hm, not bad.
-...with Matt.
Oh, no...
You see me standing over you,
do not look me in the eyes.
I will wake up.
It will not be good.
Nice.
I'm gonna kill you.
-I'm sorry.
Well at least he already pooped.
It's the first of many.
Sometimes they get violent
too. I call them trauma dumps.
Gross.
Oh, retro.
Oh, yeah. Kind of Lincoln Loggy.
I call big bed.
Mm, it smells like Christian.
-I wanted the big bed.
-Want top bunk as consolation?
-Do I?
The top bunk has natural light,
but, but the spiders.
I could fall off. But--
But if I take the bottom,
it might collapse on me.
And it's kind of dark at night,
but, like,
it's like a little cave.
It's kind of cozy. Oh, God.
Ah nah, nah,
you can have it.
Okay.
Oh, what do we have here?
Hello, beautiful.
Oh, shit.
This is an old Remington.
This is sick.
Dude, we should ask Christian
about this.
-Just don't show Matt.
-Good call.
Mm, big bed.
You know, the Tooley Valley
probably looks pretty
at sunrise.
Was thinking maybe we could go
tomorrow morning.
Yeah I was thinking we could,
like, take a picture and hang it
in the room when we move in.
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Dylan, I was hoping
we could talk, actually.
Hey, guys.
Bella's here.
Oh, here's the entertainment.
Hello.
Going buckwild down here
at Vinny's Venison.
We got deer so good,
it'll make you go crazy.
Look, Ben, I'm a wendigo.
I'm gonna eat your face.
Anyone? Wendigo?
Will, can you turn
that off, please?
Okay, guys, come over here.
Feast your eyes.
Wow.
- This is--
- Incredible.
-I was gonna say a lot.
How much do we owe you?
Ah, it's my father's stash,
so...
his family doesn't come
till spring.
-Nice.
-Bunch of friends drinking
in the woods?
I can get behind that.
That's the spirit, homie.
-I'm way too high.
-Okay.
-To a week of trees,
trees and more trees.
Our first annual
Colorado adventure.
And to the new house.
I didn't want to drink that.
It was kind of gross.
-Oh, really?
I don't know why.
I tasted dust in mine.
River feet, river feet,
river feet.
River river river feet.
River feet, river feet,
river river river feet.
Oh fuck that.
Fuck no.
Come on, guys,
we gotta do river balls next.
You're not gonna eat me,
are you?
Oh shit,
you're totally gonna eat me! Ah!
What are you looking at?
The engine.
Is that good?
I don't know, man. I guess so.
Sweet.
-So you know how NYU
has a really good grad program
for writers?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Didn't--
Didn't Claire Edwards go there?
She did, yeah.
Uh, I talked to her recently,
actually.
-Oh.
-No. No, not like that.
No, I texted her because I,
I applied.
Oh, really? Oh, dude.
That's awesome.
Have you heard back yet?
I have, yeah. Um...
I got in.
Oh, New York, that's pretty far.
When do you start?
Two weeks.
What?
I leave for New York
in two weeks.
Oh. What about the house?
No, I mean, I am going to come
and help you guys move in and...
Say goodbye.
But hey, you'll still have Matt.
I mean, dude,
why didn't you tell--
Boys, we're going hunting.
The fuck? Y'all good or what?
I spy with my little eye,
something green.
-Is it that tree?
-Yep.
Yeah, it was the tree. Okay.
I spy with my little eye.
I spy something yellow.
-Lane divider?
-Yes.
Um, okay.
I spy something dark green.
Okay, Max,
let's play another game.
Yeah, sorry.
-How about we play 20 questions.
-Oh, okay. Okay.
Um... Is it a person?
-Kind of.
It's for a person.
-Oh, okay.
-It's a gathering.
-A gathering?
Oh, like an event?
-Yes.
Just like an event. Yes.
Are there a lot of people
at the event?
-Just the homies.
-Oh okay.
It's an event
with just the homies.
For one person.
Yes. And only that one person
will be very, very happy.
Oh, we love a happy homie.
-Oh, the happiest of homies.
-Okay.
Is it the fucking orgy, dude?
Come on, we're not doing that.
It's not the orgy.
You always bring it up
every time we get high
or something, like you're gonna
trick us into it.
It's fucked up, honestly.
Okay, for the record,
I never said I wanted
to have an orgy.
I just thought
it would be interesting to see
how it changed
our group dynamic.
Oh, my God, it's always some
goddamn philosophy with you.
What do you mean?
I asked you this morning
if you could drive for, like,
two hours
because I'm so deadly tired.
And you said, Well, actually,
I think it'd be interesting
to see how
the sleep deprivation
plays out on the road.
Well does it not
pique your curiosity?
I am so tired, I cannot see.
Ah!
I gotta burp.
Okay.
And that's
around the time my dad
started hanging out
with his new family.
Dude, are you okay?
Do you need to talk?
-Yeah, probably.
So are your neighbors
like, chillers or what?
-It's off season,
so no one's around for miles.
Besides some groundskeeper
my dad hired.
What about that guy?
- Great. He's Blair Witching.
Hello? Mr. Willoughby?
Is he okay?
-Hey, sir. It's--
it's good to see you.
Did my dad say I was coming?
Definitely salvia.
What the fuck?
-Guess my dad isn't paying him
either.
Well, I guess
we're turning back.
Nope. We're going hunting.
I'm in.
It says no trespassing,
like, a thousand times.
This just seems
a little sketchy.
I'll let you hold the gun,
Matt.
I'm in.
Yo, less thinky,
more killy.
Let's do this thing.
Uh, yeah, whatever. Let's go.
-Watch where you guys
are walking, by the way.
Snakes, land mines.
Wait, what?
You're dead.
- Dude. What the fuck?
- Pew, you're dead.
-Jesus, Matt, stop.
You're acting like a psychopath.
-Nah, I'm on that Red Dead Two
shit.
- Hey, Christian.
- Yeah?
Did you know Ben wasn't moving
in with us?
Um... is that a bird?
Look at that bird over there.
That's weird.
-Christian.
Yeah, we knew.
Did everyone know?
I don't know, man.
Yeah, we just...
we didn't want to tell you
because, you know,
you guys are, like,
best friends.
Seems like he
should have told you.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
Yo, guys! Come here.
Oh!
They're dinner.
Do we have to do this?
All right, deer,
say hello to your deer god.
Fuck!
God damn it, Matt, you missed.
No, he didn't.
Oh.
Oh my God! Oh. Matt!
Damn it, I told you east,
not west.
I shot it east!
- fucking head, Matt!
Really Christian?
You think I can't see it?
Just kill it, okay?
Kill it. Just shoot it.
Ah!
-You missed again.
-I don't know!
Give me the gun,
give me the gun.
Just give me the gun.
Why?
-You're high, Will.
-Hi, Dylan.
-Why is this loaded?
Wait one second.
Wait, give me a second.
Oh. Oh, God.
It's all the bugs on me.
All the bugs on me.
Oh my God.
So you're saying he sees
in the body with creel?
Yeah. Cannibals, man.
Honestly,
sounds tasty.
-I think I'd be the tastiest.
You are incorrect.
I eat the most beets.
Therefore, I am the tastiest.
-Why would eating beets
make you tasty?
I can't tell you,
otherwise you'd be tasty.
When do Max and Bryan
get here again?
Tomorrow morning.
Not soon enough.
-Hey, homunculus.
How those steaks looking?
Pretty good. Five more minutes.
So Ben,
are you gonna be doing, like,
more of a roommate situation
or more of, like, bridge,
tunnel, kind of, like, life?
What is a bridge tent situa--?
I'm having-- I have a roommate.
I just haven't heard back
from him yet, so.
-Not a good sign, homie.
-I mean. You know,
I won't be spending much time
with him anyway.
I'll be going to class,
hanging out, calling you guys.
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
be calling us Mr. City Boy.
You knew that, right?
Wait, what?
-Yeah. Ben is a city boy.
Oh, city boy,
city boy, city boy,
city boy, city boy, city boy,
- city boy.
- Hey, where are you going?
Oh, fuck me. I farkled.
Dylan. Dylan.
Come on, man, can you open up?
Can we just talk, okay?
I didn't plan on any of this.
I just applied on a whim,
and I got in.
I didn't think I would, okay?
It just happened so fast.
Well, you already have
an apartment and a roommate
set up.
Yeah, okay, I know,
and can we just move past that
and have a good time here,
not let it ruin our trip?
Look, I'm sorry I didn't
tell you sooner, all right?
It's not that you waited
to tell me.
It's not that you're moving
to New York.
It's that you told
every single person in there
except for me.
I'm your fucking best friend,
man. I would have supported you.
-Feel that, Matt?
-Yeah.
Of course. That means
it was in pain when it died.
How does that make you feel?
-I feel nothing.
Whatever. Where's--
where's Dylan?
He's probably not joining.
Okay, before we dig in,
let's give thanks for the reason
we're able to eat tonight.
-Thank you deer.
Thank you deer.
Let's dig in.
This is pretty rare, right?
-Yeah. Boo style.
Right, yeah.
No, it's just it's-- it's raw.
Yeah, boo style.
Uh... you guys enjoy.
More for the hungry homie.
Yes. I'm eating beans
like rorshach.
That is so obscure.
Take it back. Freshman year.
- Freshman year?
- You, me, neighbors in the dorm.
You're like--
you're like shorter than me?
-Yeah.
-No. You were like, here.
-I was like--
-What happened? You got tall.
I don't know, I-- I like food,
I like food.
-So you're a growing boy.
-Growing boy. Big boy.
No. Come on,
flip it, flip it, you fuck!
Come on, do it! Yes!
I wish we got
the Van Nuys house for parties,
but this house rules.
-I think, straight up,
She's my little woo thing.
-Ooh, Shorty got the fatty.
Shorty got the fatty.
Come on. Oh. They're gone.
City boy is zooted.
Did you guys hear that?
Someone's coming, Matt.
Okay, it's definitely Max
or Bryan.
Hey. Nah,
it's running animals.
-Okay. Would an animal
make this sound? Awh!
Take the hit bro.
Yeah, you sure
this is it?
Wait, wait. No,
I just heard it again.
That was very close.
Did you guys hear that?
Will can't hang.
Oh, shit. You too.
Christian, are you good?
Are you good?
Yeah, you're fine.
-No one's gonna die.
B-Bryan?
Really bad fucking best friend,
man.
I would have supported it.
What were you waiting for,
city boy?
Guys?
Matt? Will?
Christian?
Ah, yeah. That's you.
You're not still going
are you?
No. You're puking. Okay.
That's all right, man.
Just let it out.
It happens to everybody.
Help me. Help me.
Yeah, um...
Just just stay here, okay man?
You're gonna be all right.
I'm gonna go grab the guys,
and then we'll uh...
Get you some help.
Will? Will?
Can you wake up, man?
Christian's freaking out, okay?
I don't know what's happening.
He's--
He's foaming at the mouth
and shit.
I don't know what's going on.
Christian, just calm down man,
all right?
Just calm down, man.
You're okay.
Yeah, sit down.
Let's just take it easy, okay?
Back up, okay?
I'm gonna use this.
Okay. Hey, Christian.
Get back!
Shit!
Stop, stop!
Stop, stop, Christian!
Please, I don't want to do this.
Stop!
Will, is he...?
Ben, what the fuck did you do?
I didn't mean to. Okay?
I don't know why.
He just came at me, all right?
I didn't mean to!
So what, you killed him?
No, of course not.
Look at his face.
We need to get help
or something.
Yeah, who are we gonna call,
okay? There's no service!
What? There's no fucking service
here. Look at him, man!
Maybe they can help somehow,
I mean...
I'll go to the neighbors.
I'll see--
Maybe they have a phone.
They could help-- something.
Okay. Yeah. Let's go
to the neighbor, all right?
No, I'm not fucking going
with you.
-Fuck you, I'm not staying here.
Yo, it's Christian,
if I'm not answering,
I'm either really drunk
or really dead.
The store's closed.
Dude, I got no Gs out here.
I can't reach anyone.
What do you think
they're doing?
What if they're setting up
for the surprise party?
For my birthday!
In two months. That makes sense.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna go pee.
-I'll figure out
the G situation.
Today was my birthday.
All my friends forget me.
It's fucking cold outside.
I just want to go pee.
I'm so fucking high.
Bryan whimpers.
Happy birthday
to you!
Oh my God, put your dick away!
-Drive!
-Okay, okay!
-Drive!
-I'm going.
-It saw my peen.
You said Christian
was foaming at the mouth?
You saw the body.
Hello?
-No one here?
Sorry to barge in so late.
We just... really need help.
-There was an accident. We need
to get to a phone, please.
Is anybody home?
Guess not.
Hello. Hello?
Fucking dead.
Ben, we gotta find a new phone.
Oh, shit.
-Fuck.
-He's... yeah.
-Uh, yeah, yeah. He's dead.
Don't eat the deer.
-I don't know.
It just doesn't make--
it doesn't--
it doesn't make sense, right?
I mean, Christian
was a Bud Light legend.
He's not a lightweight.
He shouldn't die from drinking.
Who knows?
I-I-I don't know,
something's weird.
Yo. Crazy question.
You want to go check
and see if he's got a big dick?
Matt, you do realize our friend
just died, right?
Yeah.
Rip.
You know, I-I don't talk
about this much, but, my week
with Christian
in the Black Forest, that was,
I don't know, something
about it. It was really magical.
That was
the best weekend of my life.
What about our week
at the Herpes Tree?
Was that not the most
magical week of your life?
Isn't this great?
Thanks for being little spoon,
by the way.
Sorry if you can feel that.
-Come on. I mean--
-That was just like, oh my God.
You know what? We had
a great time at Arabis Tree.
It's just, you know--
-That experience right there.
We talked about that experience
for-for-for months after that.
I dunno, it's hard to rank them.
You know, it's just--
See you're being weird about it.
You're saying it's great,
but is it not the best?
I don't know.
When you're going like house
to house,
bed to bed with a guy
I don't know, You learn a lot
about each other.
It was just, I don't know.
I told you, hey--
-You know, I'm just gonna, like,
try to chalk this all up
to the fact that maybe he's dead
right now, and you're feeling
some weird things.
But that trip to Arabis Tree
was fucking amazing.
And, you know what?
I-I think you're just jealous.
Maybe I am, maybe I am.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
You're jealous.
-Ow ow ow ow!
-Ow ow!
-Fuck.
-Okay.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Do we talk tomorrow?
Fucking idiot.
The deer, man.
It's got to be the deer.
I was in the woods.
I got attacked.
Wait, by the deer?
-No, no, no.
By some crazy guy.
He must have eaten the deer.
It's got to be tainted.
Like mad cow?
Is that the one
where the cows go mad?
-Yeah.
-Exactly.
But you didn't eat it though,
right?
No, no.
-Crazy guy did bite me, though.
-Oh, he bit you?
-Oof.
-Yeah.
-Is it bad?
Um, you know, it's kind
of hard to tell with the light.
It's a minor flesh wound.
Good.
Got a family reunion next week.
Did you eat the deer?
No, no, I--
Gotta look good
for the pictures, you know?
Well, I didn't.
All right,
so let me get this straight.
Matt, Will and Christian
did eat the deer.
Yeah.
-All right.
How much did they have?
-Uh...Like, a lot.
Okay, great.
Yeah. That's great.
All right, so now Will and Matt
are going to get sick.
And then what?
We need to beat them to death?
No don't need that,
just calm down, all right?
Fucking calm down?
How are you
so calm right now, Ben?
Remember when you
killed Christian?
-I had no choice,
that wasn't Christian.
-That wasn't Christian?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
He was sick, okay?
if it wasn't Christian,
what was it?
That.
Agh, Dylan help!
Okay, I see
what you meant now.
Okay, so help me.
Uh, what do I do? What do I do?
Damn it, Dylan, you don't talk
to me all day
and then shit hits the fan
and you're on the side lines?
What? I didn't talk to you
all day because you led me on
about the house.
Yeah, cause I knew
how you were gonna react.
Well, I'm sorry
that I don't want to be alone.
Alone?
Dylan pass me the phone.
Come on, come on.
Thanks
You were so excited
about moving in together I...
I didn't want to hurt you.
I was--
doing the--
right--
thing.
I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry.
Shit.
Go get to the garage,
I'll hold him off. Go.
Oh shit.
Shit, now I killed someone.
And it had this, like,
thick, nasty fur.
Wow.
-Glowing red eyes.
-Oh, spooky.
These big pointy teeth.
Yeah, totally sounds
like a fucking deer.
Max, you don't understand.
This deer is evil.
Oh, was there a big spooky thing
outside in the woods?
I don't know,
it's dark at night.
I--
I think we're both just tired.
One of us more than the other.
How about...
we go to sleep?
It saw my penis.
And what a wonderful penis
it is.
Also, please stop smoking this.
Revenge porn?
Who is naming this?
You've clearly had a long day,
bud, okay?
Why don't you just relax
and chill the fuck out?
I'm going to go
get my night serum.
-Okay. Bye bye.
Just gotta relax.
Just gotta chill the fuck out.
Matt? Will?
Maybe they're playing
hide and seek?
I'm gonna go see
if they're in the back.
You wanna grab Will's car keys
from upstairs,
see if we can get out of here?
Sounds good.
We're probably gonna die, huh?
-Yeah.
-Fair enough.
Will?
Are ya in here?
Matt?
Feeling all right, man?
If you're anywhere in this room,
you can just
stay wherever you are.
Please be trauma dumping.
I'm just going to get the keys,
and Ben and I are going
to get the fuck out and...
keep doing whatever it is
you're doing.
All right, it's got
to be in here somewhere.
Oh, my God,
that's so much weed.
Oh, thank fucking God.
Oh, hey Will.
What happened to your face,
buddy?
Are you feeling--
Hey!
Look okay, we saw
what happened with Christian.
That doesn't need
to happen here.
I'm just gonna go.
I'm gonna go roll you a joint.
I'm gonna go roll you a joint.
I just need to get
the rolling papers.
So I'm gonna go do that.
But I'll be right back.
Agh, no! No!
Shit.
Ah. Ow.
I think Will had
his tetanus shot.
Well, I'm probably not going
to make it to the Tooley Valley
this time, huh?
Yeah, probably not.
Shit. We gotta get a move on.
Fuck.
-So Will, was he...
-Foaming at the mouth?
Yeah.
-Yeah. Sounds right.
Any sign of Matt back there?
No, but from the looks of it,
he's probably turned, so...
One more thing
to worry about.
Shh, sh.
What?
It stopped.
Did-did-did Will?
Yeah he just--
he just jumped off the balcony.
We should go.
-Let's get the fuck out.
Come on, come on.
No no no no.
Come on, come on, come on.
-Oh, my fucking God!
-Fuck!
Shit.
-Fucking Christ! Of course.
Right, there's bear
in the garage.
Oh, God. Okay.
And I have to go get it.
Okay.
It's fine, it's fine.
I'll just--
Can I go grab that gun?
Um... Will's still out there.
I know but you're in the car
though, so you can lock it.
You're-- you're right,
you're right.
I'm just going to the garage.
That's the only reason I ask.
-I'm a little scared.
But this is for you, this is--
You should take this.
Okay, so you can let go
of the gun.
Uh, yes. Yeah. Okay.
You'll be quick.
Yeah. Yes.
Okay.
You good?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm gonna go.
Ugh.
Not the zipper!
No, no, no.
What are you looking at?
-Ah!
Fun weekend at Christian's.
See the birds,
look at the trees.
Fuck me.
Stop stop stop stop.
Come on, stop fish.
Oh! What are you doing?
-Shh! Max, the deer is back.
-Oh, God. You smoked.
-Shh!
It tried to open the tent.
-Bryan, go to sleep.
No, you don't understand.
The situation is one
in which never seen before.
The situation is that
you're always high.
Fuck.
Come on Ben,
where the fuck are you?
-No, no, he has hooves.
How could it open a zipper?
-Is this about your birthday?
-What?
Oh my God, Bryan!
At first I was sorry.
And now I am
certainly not sorry.
You were losing your mind.
No you're a real sick,
twisted son of a bitch.
I forgot one little birthday.
I honestly don't want
to be around for any birthday.
- Bryan, what is that?
Shit.
Oh, Matt.
Hey, homie.
No, no!
-It's a deer, evil deer!
I told you, Max!
I'm always right.
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, God. Jesus fucking Christ!
Can you just leave me
the fuck alone
for one goddamn second?
Just give me this.
Just fucking have a break.
Oh my God, I'm sick of all
this fucking zombie shit.
J-just stop, please.
I'll go get you some Tums.
How about that?
Yes, it's good.
It's very good.
Just stay there, please.
Just.
Oh my fuck! No, no!
Oh, what do you want from me?
Oh, no! Ah!
Ahh!
Bryan!
Gotta go, gotta--
Dylan! Dylan!
Help!
Oh, you found Matt.
Ah!
Ah!
Hi-ya!
Oh! Let's go!
Get away from me!
Get away from me! Get away!
Hey, homie.
Sorry, Matt.
No wait, I'm too high.
-God damn it!
It's all on you.
There's no one left.
What are you gonna do?
Will you fight
or will you perish like a dog?
You hear that? It's over.
Die like you've lived.
A coward.
He's just like me. For real.
What is happening?
-Max? Don't you see?
You were right the whole time.
The deer aren't evil.
They just like simple kush.
Just like you and me.
Oh, God.
They're not that different
from us, after all.
And they're kind of cute.
Okay that thing
is fucked up, though.
Yeah, never mind.
It's incredibly ill.
We should probably go.
Yeah, we should go. Let's go.
-I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.
No. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have made you drive
for 19 hours straight.
Yeah, it's kind of fucked up,
dude,
but I forgot your birthday.
That means a lot to you, man.
Yeah, I'm a pretty big
birthday guy.
But we got this whole trip
ahead of us.
Tomorrow morning we'll be
at this beautiful cabin
in Colorado, with a ton of beer
and our best friends
in the world.
You're right. All of our friends
will be there.
We'll throw you
a big birthday party, all right?
Really?
Christian'll bake you
a big cake.
Matt's gonna give you
a big hug.
Dylan'll sing,
and Ben'll light the candles.
Wow.
I love the homies.
Yeah.
Feel like we're
forgetting someone.
No.
Homie?
Holy shit.
What the fuck?
Is that physically possible?
I guess we better go.
-Yeah, yeah, we should go.
-Fuck.
Will. Yeah.
Will.
- Will, he's awesome.
I always forget about Will.
Holy shit,
what a fucking evening.
Hey, thank God you came in
with the antlers.
That was choice.
Yeah. Dude, I just saw something
sharp and pointy.
-And it paid off.
But yeah, no, so we left
the garage,
and then what happened?
Yeah and then
a wild fucking Will appeared.
Oh my God, right.
He got fucking launched.
How far was that?
You know, realistically,
I would say ten feet,
but I think
I'm gonna write down 100.
Hey, go for two. Why not?
You know what
I totally forgot about what?
-What?
-Max and Bryan.
I mean, those fucking bozos.
What happened?
Oh my God. Yeah.
Wait, they-- they just
never showed up, did they?
Yeah, I thought they were gonna,
like, save the day or something.
Hey. You know,
you could have them save us
in the screenplay.
Screenplay?
Yeah. Dude.
Got an outline right here.
You gotta write this at NYU.
Yeah, maybe a lot of therapy.
Could use a co-writer
in the city, though.
-Moi?
-Yeah. Come on.
You wanna be a city boy?
- Come on.
- City boy, city boy,
city boy.
-Well, shit. I guess I'd better.
All my roommates are dead,
right?
Yeah.
No, but seriously,
once this nightmare is over,
we'll get you patched up,
fly you out first thing.
You can crash my couch.
My bed. I'll take the couch.
Hey, uh...
-Yeah.
-Ben.
No, and I know you're probably,
like, allergic to, like,
everything in the city,
so like...
And we gotta hit up
this mom and pop pizza shop
Christian told me about.
It's a little hole in the wall.
And some bars.
-Ben!
Ah!
Fuck this guy.
Where did he come from, dude,
I thought you pushed him
down the stairs!
What do I do?
Quick! Use the wiper.
-What?
-Use the wiper.
-Okay?
-Just do it.
Ah!
Ben?
Ben?
-Dude, have you got
your seatbelt on?
Always.
Okay great. Remember that movie
I Love You, Man ,
starring Paul Rudd
and Jason Segel?
-Ben?
-I love you, man! Ah!
- Yo! Hey Benny boy.
- You look like shit.
Somebody die, or?
- So you had to kill--
- Will, Matt, Christian
and the neighbor?
-And the hunter.
And the hunter.
-And the hunter.
-Right.
Technically Dylan killed Matt,
but yeah.
Oh, okay.
So it's not all on you.
And Dylan at the Tooley Valley,
you...
- Yeah.
- Oh, God.
Man, this doesn't feel real.
-I'm sorry, man.
-Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, how far back
did Will fly again?
I don't know, it was inhuman.
And before you shot him,
he said, Homie ?
Yeah, there's a good chance
he was just really high, so...
How far is inhuman in feet?
-Do you think Will
smoked all that weed?
Like, maybe we should go back
to the cabin just to check?
Are you serious?
Oh, sorry. Yeah.
My bad.
Okay, cool. Thanks.
Should we head back to town?
Maybe get some help?
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
Cool.
-Cool. Yeah.
Dude.
- Wait, something's wrong.
Guys.
Sorry, this song
is not the vibe.
Let me put it
on the melancholy mix.
Ooh, or the sad boy station.
Hey, Max.
-Yeah?
You got a request?
Oh, yeah. I have a song.
Can you play Shut the Fuck Up
by Bryan, featuring Earth
and its entire population?
That is so unnecessary, dude.
Come on. I'm trying
to set a mood.
All of our friends just died.
That's the mood.
Exactly.
More of a reason
not to shit the bed on us.
Okay, that's insane.
I'm not insane.
I let drama sit and stew.
I'm not an INFP or whatever
Oscar Mayer wiener shit
you think I am!
- It's Myers-Briggs.
You're such an ENFP.
-Stop throwing letters at me.
You know I'm dyslexic.
-Oh, I'm well aware
of your condition.
-This is why.
astrology is so much better.
It's signs and shapes.
It's simple.
-You're simple.
-You're a piece of shit.
-I'm a piece of shit?
You're a piece of shit.
We need group therapy.
That's what the orgy
could have been.
-So you admit it.
You wanted an orgy?
-Oh, yeah. Sure.
-Guys...
I mean, we're all
a bit homiesexual.
-What the fuck?
-Guys!
-I like--
-What?
Where'd you find this?
Oh, that's Vinny's dude.
Yeah, I found that on Yelp.
It's like a local meat spot
over here. It's organic
and stuff. It's pretty good.
Did not sit well
with Bryan, though.
-You said it was beyond me.
I'm vegan.
Yeah, it's beyond
all expectations.
That's the whole thing.
When did you eat it?
Breakfast?
Yeah, Vinny's does breakfast
now.
Oh, good for them.
Well it's venison.
You ate venison.
-Oh.
-Hm.
Do you know what venison is?
-Meat?
-It's like Italian?
-It's deer.
You ate deer? It's on the logo.
Oh.
Oh, deer.
Well, well, well.
What a tale
we have unraveled here today.
One of adventure,
lust and betrayal.
I do hope y'all learned
something.
I know I sure didn't.
Until next time
my flesh wearing friends,
always remember...
Don't eat the deer.
Yee-haw!
Hey, folks, I'm going buck wild
down here at Vinny's Venison!
We've got tasty deer,
crazy deer, huge deer,
small, rare, well done,
morning deer.
We should make pot legal.
Deer, deer, deer,
deer, deer, deer.
Vinny's Venison deer
is going to make you die.
I'd like you all
to meet my beautiful boy,
Vinny Venison Junior.
Here he is, folks,
fresh out of Harvard University.
I love you, Pa. Somehow
I love killing deer even more.
So let's get together
at Vinny's Venison
at Chain Zorro. Woo-hoo!
I'm Vinny Venison, and you
are watching Boxfort TV.
Boxfort.