A Nice Indian Boy (2024) Movie Script
1
[]
[]
["Badtameez Dil" by Ranbir
Kapoor & Deepika Padukone plays]
Get up on yo feet
Right here
Yo feet
Shake your booty
Oh
Uh
Oh
Uh
Oh
Oh
Paan main pudeena dekha
naak ka nageena dekha
Chikni chameli dekhi
Chikna kameena dekha
Chaand ne cheater hoke
cheat kiya toh
Saare taare bole
Gilli gilli akhaa
[Naveen] I was 25
when my sister got married.
My parents were thrilled...
because Arundhathi,
after scaring
the shit out of them
with a string
of truly atrocious
college boyfriends,
had finally agreed
to let them fix her up with,
as my mom puts it,
"A nice Indian boy."
[he sighs]
Ah, beautiful
Manish Rao...
a future orthopedic surgeon,
no less.
I think my dad actually cried
when my mom told him that,
which is funnier
if you know
that my dad's face
usually looks like this.
This was the best day
of my mother's life.
Just look at her face.
Yeh jo haal hai
Sawaal hai
Kamaal hai
Jaane na, jaane na
[Naveen] And this man
is Pandit Kumar,
and he is about
to get in my business.
Next one of these,
it'll be you out there.
[chuckling]
[Naveen] I would hear that
over and over again...
You're next, my friend.
[speaking in Hindi]
[she giggles]
[Naveen] ...an endless chorus
of reminders
that one day,
I'd have this too--
the big Indian wedding.
Just one concern.
[romantic theme plays]
What will it look like
when I bring home
a nice Indian boy?
[]
They obviously know I'm gay.
They've just never seen me
be gay with another... gay.
Naveen!
What are you doing
hiding over here?
Today was leg day.
I lift. Do you lift?
Yeah, all the time.
[he chuckles]
Come on, I wanna see you
on the dance floor, man!
Okay.
Can I ask you something?
Mm-hmm.
You see any girls
you like out there?
No.
That's too bad.
I'm a sick wingman.
You're next, buddy!
[]
[phone ringing]
Hi, Naveen. Where are you?
Uh, it's 8:00 a.m.
I'm at the hospital.
Your Triple-A membership
is expired.
You want me to renew it?
Is this really important
right now?
I don't know.
Maybe you're driving around
recklessly all over town,
and you're, like, "oh...
they will come and tow me,
that Triple-A!"
Doesn't your
hammer-calling me about this
just make that more likely?
My god!
Are you driving right now?
Pull over!
No, I'm not driving.
I'm at the hospital.
Okay, I'll renew it for you.
Don't tell your father.
Okay, wow, thank you so much.
I really appreciate you.
Okay, bye.
Hey! Listen!
Did you watch that movie "Milk"?
I saw it last night on OutTV,
you know the channel
for out gays?
Yes. I know.
You like that movie?
No, Mom.
I haven't seen it.
You know, in that movie,
this man, Milk,
he moves to Castro
with his boyfriend, Smith.
Very handsome couple!
Anyway, Milk
enters politics, but--
-I don't need a recap.
-Smith doesn't like it!
So they break up.
Okay! No problem.
Milk ends up getting elected
to the San Francisco
Board of Supervisors.
Oh, does he?
And there, he meets this man,
Dan White.
Now, this Dan White
does not like the gays.
Mm-hmm?
So Dan White kills Milk!
Oh, no.
He's the Thanos.
Oh! Yeah, no, I'm gonna
have to check that out.
I guess this is why
Sean Penn got divorced.
Uh...
I think
he was just acting.
Hi, Mrs. G!
And how in these movies
do gay people know
who the other gay people are?
Like, they just give
each other a look,
and like, boom!
They're kissing.
[hushed] What's she talking
about, a movie?
Mom, it's just a movie.
What movie?
Is that what you do?
I don't want you
to get into trouble!
Ask if she watched "Bros."
Uh, oh?
What is that, nurse?
-There's no nurse.
-They're coding?
That's a lot of... blood.
There's a mother?
In the ICU?
Uh, yes, I'll be right there.
I must help every mother.
Maybe I should go to the ICU
so I can finally see you.
All right, bye, love you.
Wait! Wait!
I'm having a heart atta--!
[]
[]
[man rings temple bell]
[sighing]
Whatever.
[tapping]
Hey, Ben.
How is it going, question mark.
Haven't heard from you
in a while,
exclamation mark.
Guess you've been eating
an apple a day,
because you've kept
this doctor away.
Hi, Jeremy.
Um, I was talking
to my mom today,
and I remembered
you have a mom,
so how...
how are you, man...
question mark.
Delete.
Thanks, Charlotte.
I actually don't need
a plus-one to the wedding,
because I'm happy with myself,
and I'm really not lonely.
Hey, Edmund.
Um, I saw that you're engaged,
but in case
it doesn't work out,
um, wanna go out, question mark.
Delete. Delete.
[phone] Sent.
Hey, Rahul.
Um... was drinking water today
and thought of you
Ha...
because you said
you need to drink more water.
ha... ha...ha...
[sighs] Oh, god, this sucks.
I sound like Jeffrey Dahmer.
-[snoring loudly]
-[TV]...diamonds.
We only have about 25
of that ring.
It's already starting to sell.
Okay, and is the cough
dry or productive?
Gloria! My favourite patient.
How's the ulcer?
On a scale of one to ten,
how much phlegm?
Oh, we do have your X-rays...
No. I know it's 11,
but the scale is from one to--
It's not looking good.
Okay, and then how many drinks,
uh, per day,
would you say you're having?
I-I don't want to get
too graphic, but, one time--
Yes, beer counts as alcohol.
I was hooking up with a guy...
That's not good.
...bent his dick backwards...
You. Get your picture taken.
They need you
with Sepsis Guy in 10.
-Huh?
-It's portrait day!
Ooh!
I heard from Sam in Radiology
that the photographer is hot!
Oh, fun!
Oh, don't worry, they'll
fix your hair in PhotoShop.
What's wrong with my hair?
Yes, let's focus on
your personal grooming,
not all the sick people
who need your care.
What's wrong with it?
On this side,
I feel like maybe you could--
[flash bulb pops]
[Naveen sighs]
Ahem.
[flash pops]
Really nice. Thank you.
Have a good one.
[]
Okay, so you can just have
a seat right there
on that little stool.
Ganesh, right?
Hmm?
Uh, no, it's Gavaskar.
[chuckles] No, sorry.
I saw you
at the temple last night,
in front of the Ganesh altar.
Oh! Oh, yeah.
That was, uh...
th-that-- yeah.
You know Ganesh?
[he laughs]
I'm Jay. I promise
I'm not following you.
I'm just in this neighbourhood
this week.
Oh. Okay.
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
Okay. So look over here.
Yep. There you go.
And, uh, keep your head
just like that.
Nice.
And bring your eyes... here.
Okay, now smile.
Be yourself.
Oh.
[Jay] Not so contained.
Oh... okay.
[Jay]
You don't have to bunch up.
There we go.
That's really nice.
You ready?
[]
[flash pops]
Are you two
going to be a while?
It was great to see you again.
-Actually--
-Jesus H. Christ.
Sorry.
Listen. I've got an extra ticket
to a film screening on Sunday,
it's my dad's favourite movie,
if you want to join me?
Uh, I'll-I'll check my--
I'll check my calendar,
but yes, yes, I think my--
I think I'll be--
which is, uh, which movie?
[cowbell ringing gently]
[wind rushes]
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
[]
[sighing]
Do you, um...
watch a lot of foreign films?
No. Yes. I'm sorry.
I'm adopted.
Oh!
I was raised
by Indian parents.
I grew up on that movie.
It always reminds me of them.
They, uh, they passed away.
Oh, gosh. I-I'm so sorry.
They were older
when they adopted me, so...
It is weird, isn't it?
What?
I took you to that movie.
We met at a temple.
My last name is Kurundkar.
It's not we--
It was very weird.
I don't know,
people get adopted.
My parents are white.
Sure, but that's not--
So now I love boat shoes
and Diane Keaton.
Okay, we're getting
a little sidetracked.
That movie was darker
than I remembered.
Dark?
Her dad was obviously
a psychopath.
Eh, he was passionate.
And if SRK hadn't shown up,
she would've just married
the other psychopath.
But he did show up!
That's what makes it romantic.
He showed up,
even though their love
seemed completely impossible.
So corny, right?
I mean, who talks like that?
It's like he's in the movie.
Mm-hmm.
I think you're missing
the heart of this movie.
I am?
Yeah, that scene
before the end of intermission,
when Kajol is resigned
to her fate,
that she's gonna be
forever separated
from the man she loves,
she is at her lowest moment,
and she hears the cowbell--
[cowbell chiming]
and then there he is...
and then he stands there
in the middle of
all these yellow flowers,
and he sings.
Tujhe dekha
Oh.
Yeah.
-Oh...
-Yeah!
Fuck.
Mm.
To ye janaa sanam
Read the room.
Or be in a room!
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
And then it's
La-la la-la la
-Ahem.
-La-la la-la la
La-la la-la la
La la la!
Wow.
Aah!
Thank you.
That was a little over the top.
Sorry. That happens.
No, it's okay.
I think a lot of people
find Bollywood a bit much.
Yeah?
But I think it's because
we're all a little embarrassed.
Embarrassed...?
By the bigness of love.
I don't want to hear, like,
sweeping notions of love.
Oh, yeah,
that sounds horrible.
It's 2024.
The world is burning.
So you went home?
[music blaring]
[]
[coughing]
Oh, wow.
[exhales] Uhh.
Um, yeah,
what's really interesting
is that we have a Panera Bread
inside the hospital.
Oh, my god.
Not the hospital stories.
Are you kidding?
-They are interesting.
-They are not, they're very--
-They are interesting.
It's really interesting,
because, like,
the parking structure
is divided by numbers,
so it's, like,
one through seven,
but then there's, like,
letters, too,
so it's like you can park
in 1-A, 1-B, 1-C...
Do you know how many
medical shows are on TV?
Do you think
no one's watching those?
On a date?
No one's trying to fuck
after E.R.
What's really crazy
is that Grey's Anatomy
is still good.
I would say season 16 onwards,
it's better
than most things on TV.
So you were enjoying yourself?
Also, he vapes.
[coughing]
-Do you want some of this?
-Oh, no.
Uh, uh, no. I mean, uh,
I-I'm totally cool with it.
My parents aren't, but I am.
I just do it
when I'm nervous.
You're nervous?
A little bit, yeah.
Ohh!
Anxious people
are the best in bed,
because you know why?
-Why?
-They try harder.
Anyways, um...
then he told me
all these stories
about his childhood.
Um, like how he went through
12 different foster homes,
just kept moving and moving.
He didn't even
have a suitcase.
He just carried all of
his stuff in plastic bags...
...until one day,
he became a Kurundkar.
Theirs was the first home
where I felt like belonged,
they were my family.
Hmm. Of course.
I guess I'd never really,
like, felt love
before my parents,
and it's like
they instilled in me this...
feeling...
it's like a feeling of home.
It's not even like a literal
house or a location.
It can kind of go anywhere.
[he sighs]
I would have liked to have them
see me grow up...
...be with someone.
You know, that's what
I love about DDLJ.
it doesn't end with the couple
getting together in the end,
like in an American movie...
because it's not about
two people going at it alone,
clinging to each other
like life rafts.
It's about everybody,
together.
The family,
the wedding...
Do you ever think about that?
Uh, about what, sorry?
Like, your dream wedding.
Um...
Like,
when you close your eyes,
and you imagine a wedding,
what do you see?
I don't really do that.
Why not?
Uh... this is, a pretty...
intense conversation
for a first date.
Right.
No. You're right.
I've had too much tequila.
I'm sorry. [chuckling]
Uh... uh, what do you--
what do you see?
The entire thing.
[laughing]
I see a...
I see a big, solemn ceremony,
where everybody's crying,
and an even bigger party.
I see...
choreographed dances
with the entire family.
Everybody that we love is there,
and my husband and I
look at each other,
and we think...
...we want for nothing.
I have made it weird again,
haven't I?
-No!
-First time, singing at you,
and now I'm telling you
about...
-No, you're fine.
-...my wedding dreams.
I've made it weird.
No. No, no, no.
You're-- you're good.
You're, uh... you are--
you're great.
I should go.
I should, uh... go,
uh, because I have a, um, uh...
-Yeah.
...an early call tomorrow.
Okay.
Yeah, I just--
I have patients, uh...
to save, notes to write.
I need to sleep.
Okay. Right.
Um, sorry. That was abrupt.
That's okay.
No, no, no. I get it.
I just...
um, lives are at stake.
Uh...
Yeah, could we just
get the check?
I had to get here early.
You know how early
I have to get here.
[closing door]
[]
[]
So what did you think?
You can be brutal.
It was great.
That's it?
I don't know anything
about art.
[laughing] Everybody has
an equal right to art.
Okay. Um...
Tell me what you thought.
That one is my favourite.
Oh, God.
What?
I was really scared
to show that one.
It must have been awful,
losing them.
You're still
not so sure about me.
W-what makes you say that?
The reason
I love that photo so much--
it tells me who you are.
I mean, I could never
put myself out there like this.
Is that a tattoo?
Yeah. That's my Ganesh.
You have a scar.
It's kind of a long story.
["Ishq" by Ali Sethi plays]
[]
[clock chimes]
I signed a new client
this week.
Mm.
My fourth this month.
[Manish] Killing it, babe.
Are you sure you should be
taking on more work?
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know, maybe
you want to take a vacation.
Vacation?
10 weeks, 12 weeks--
it will help you relax.
More, if you find you like it.
Still not pregnant, Mom.
I don't like your tone,
Arundhathi.
How come no one asks Naveen
invasive personal questions?
Wha--
We do!
[Arundhathi] Great!
What's new, Naveen?
Got a boyfriend?
[Dad]
Leave your brother alone.
You are making him
uncomfortable.
[Arundhathi]
Sorry. But it's fine
when Mom plays Inspector Gadget
in my uterus?
[Mom] You know what?
Just leave it.
[]
[doorbell buzzing]
How was your visit home?
Good.
Your family seemed well?
Yeah. Good.
Yeah. Um, so, uh,
what are your friends like?
Uh, anything I should know?
Focaccia!
Oh, no, thank you.
Come on,
it's got herbs and spices in it.
Oh. Uh...
Actually,
if you can hold this,
that would be so great.
Thank you so much.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi!
I'm Billie.
Uh, I remember.
We-- we just met.
-Yeah. That's my roommate, Neel.
-Hey, babes!
He was supposed to help me
set up for the party,
but I did it all myself,
because... the patriarchy!
I'm so sorry.
No. It's fine.
Yep.
Jay tells me you're a healer.
Uh... oh, you--
uh, I'm a doctor.
And how-- and you are?
A projectionist.
Okay.
I work at AMC.
I've heard of it.
You're not dancing.
Oh...
Um, I-I'm not a dancer.
We're all dancers.
We are?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think you're perfect.
Uh, thank you.
Just don't break him.
He's more fragile
than he seems.
Right.
Okay, I'm not loving
the looks of this.
Shall we go dance?
Uh...
Did y--
uh, did you want some...
some carbs?
Oh, my god, I love bread.
Oh, that's so good.
[]
The weed was in the focaccia?
Neel bakes
his own pot focaccia.
He should have told you.
I had four of them.
I'm starting to feel it too.
Ohh...
Whaa... I... wh...
[Jay] What?
I... I...
Yeah, uh...
[]
[flash bulb pops]
-[Naveen] I...
-[Jay] Yeah?
[Naveen] Feel...
[Jay] I know.
[Naveen] Good.
[crowd applauding]
-[music plays]
-[audience applauds]
The places where
we used to meet
We go together
Step by step
Like shoes on the feet
We go together
Just like the sand
out in the sea
What good is sugar
Without no tea
What good are you
if you don't have me
We go together
Take it away.
Mom? Dad? [chuckling]
Actually, you guys,
so funny you ask,
because I am seeing someone.
You know how things always
get super weird
whenever
anything gay comes up?
Well, I just thought
I'd put everyone at ease
by mentioning my white,
Hindu, orphan, artist boyfriend.
Like ice cream
and an apple pie
Mom? Dad?
Do you want another son...
who's white?
You know, someone with
an unflinching gaze
who sees all of me?
Mom!
Do you remember
those condoms you bought me?
I'm gonna use them now,
because I'm seeing someone.
Just like a fork
who needs a spoon
Just like a song
that needs a tune
We go together
Mom, you know
how you were saying
that there was a lot of hair
in my bathroom?
It's because there's another man
living with me now.
We go together
Oh...
You guys,
you know how much you love
getting your photo taken?
Well, I'm dating
a white photographer now.
"Cheese."
Get out your Beyonce.
I need the wind machine.
Well, the places where
we used to meet
Don't let them talk over you.
When are you
going to appreciate Manish?
Such a good guy!
-I do appreciate Manish.
-He is not--
The power of love
inside you...
let it out.
[Mom] All your eggs
are going to get dried up.
[Arundhathi] So be it.
You've got this.
You've got this.
We go together
You got this.
We go together
like a storm and rain
Just like a fire
that needs a flame
Just like a picture
needs a frame
We go together
We go together
like the moon and June
Just like the fork
needs the spoon
[Naveen] Mom, Dad...
do you ever feel
like Kajol in a field
of yellow flowers
hearing a cowbell
and just knowing...
[]
Naveen!
Uh, Manish!
Um...
Sorry, we're running late
for-- for, uh, for, um...
this thing.
Uh, where's Arundhathi?
Um... I don't know.
I-I'm sorry.
Oh! Um...
This is, uh... uh...
[Jay] Jay.
Jay. Wow.
Hey, that's...
Good for you, Naveen.
Just, um, be well, okay?
It was nice to meet you, Jay.
Bye.
[buzzing]
[phone ringing]
[ringing]
It's not about you. I-I just--
I just like to keep my family
out of my personal life.
[Jay sighs]
I know it's-- it's crazy,
but I've never introduced
them to a boyfriend before,
and, honestly, if you met them,
you'd understand.
"If"?
[Paul] Um, so, after dinner,
he walks me to my door,
and it's, like, moonlight,
it's all really romantic,
and then he, like, presses me
up against the door,
and he leans in,
and I'm like,
"Okay, first kiss--"
so I'm like puckering up...
then he robbed me.
And then he pulled out his gun
and showed it to me,
and it was like, "Whoa!"
-Whoa.
-"I gotta get out of here."
-Yeah.
-Anyways...
enough about me, sorry.
So, what about you two?
Uh, sorry.
What about us?
How did you two meet?
I love a love story.
Uh, he took my picture
in the hospital.
So... um...
do you doctors
get annoyed when,
you know, people ask you
for free medical advice?
Yes.
You don't have
to change the subject.
I took his picture,
then we started
dating seriously...
[deep breath]
...and then...
he didn't
tell his family about me,
so it's kind of like
I don't exist.
Jay, is this...
[Neel] Are they fighting?
We're-- we're not, uh--
We're not fighting.
Because you never say
what you feel.
Jay.
But I do,
and I get
that families are tough.
I mean, I get that, but...
I kind of thought
that this was...
Sorry. I don't know.
I know--
[Jay] I made you
a part of my family.
I always hoped that, one day,
you'd make me a part of yours.
I want that.
You know that.
Well, you've never said it.
-Said what?
-Said what you want!
-Really, we could give y--
-No, it's fine.
I...
the big wedding...
I want that too.
The baraat,
the fire,
the... pandit,
the seven circles,
a party with
all of the people we love.
"We want for nothing."
I want that.
I do.
Of course I do.
I want the same thing.
The same thing... with you.
[]
Does that mean--
What?
[Jay] I mean...
it feels like you're saying
that you want to--
[chuckles] Yes.
Yes.
A betrothal.
Okay, no more arguments,
or Naveen's
gonna end up pregnant.
[chuckling]
[]
[Billie] Love wins!
[others laughing]
[]
[exhaling]
[call ringing]
[sighing]
[Archit] Hi, Beta!
Hey!
Hey, uh, ahem, hey, uh,
is-is Mom there?
She's taking a nap.
Oh. Cool. Um...
I-- I was wondering if I could
bring someone along tomorrow.
What?
Hello? Hello!
Hi. Hi.
I can't hear you, Beta!
-I was-- I was j--
-Hello?
I'm saying
that I'm gonna brin--
The connection dropped!
Okay, yeah, no, I'm saying
I'm gonna bring
someone along tomorrow.
Who is it?
It's a guy... I'm seeing.
Uh...
Is he a doctor too?
No. Uh, no.
Uh, actually,
we met at the... temple.
Ah! Ha! That's nice.
Yeah. Uh, I should say--
Okay, then! Speak soon.
No, um, I-I was just gonna...
um, okay.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We'll just see you tomorrow.
Okay. I'll-I'll-I'll--
Okay, bye!
I'll t-talk to you then.
Okay. Bye.
[bed creaks]
That was not the plan.
[door closing]
You nervous?
Hmm?
Are you nervous?
No. You?
No.
[seatbelts clicking]
[]
Hey! Relax.
I am relaxed.
Do you think
I should touch their feet?
I've never been
to their house before.
I think
it would be weird.
Should we watch some OutTV
while we wait?
Watching OutTV is not
going to help us, Jaan.
It's just that I don't know
what the protocol is
in this situation.
My parents are super liberal
for Indians.
Just, um, don't bring up
drinking,
or meat, or sex, or drugs.
And obviously, no displays
of physical affection
or open declarations
of love.
What do you want me to say?
Just be nice!
Can you be nice?
Why you getting angry?
I'm not getting angry!
Do I look angry?
-Yes.
A-and just be yourself,
but, you know, like...
a little bit more formal.
Like you're interviewing
for, like, the presidency.
Um...
At least this boy is Indian.
[doorbell chimes]
Uh, Mom, uh, Dad,
this is--
Jay Kurundkar.
It's really nice
to meet you.
[mutters] Oh, God.
Oh! No, no! It's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
Bless you.
[Jay sighs]
Did he just touch your feet?
[show theme plays]
A bitch need
some warmth at night,
and it's nothin'
but a nice, sexy dick, Daddy,
to keep a bitch warm.
Um, I'm sorry,
the things I said earlier--
We played this gay TV for you.
[hushed] My parents really like
watching gay channels
so that they can try
to understand me better.
Sometimes you don't have
to be a fairytale prince.
Sometimes you can just be
that 5'5"
Italian guy from New Jersey.
It's crazy, but that twink
came into the hospital.
I was so starstruck.
Wow.
Yeah.
He-- he didn't make it.
[musical flourish plays]
Why are you having
a heart attack?
You would've had
a heart attack if I did this.
No. No such thing.
We are the most
open-minded parents.
[scoffing] That is insane.
You would've never
let me do this.
[Megha] You know,
your attitude...
Your brother is happy.
-Such a double standard.
Naveen! Naveen?
Uh, yeah, coming.
I'll be right back.
Uh, yeah, coming,
coming, coming.
Uh, yes?
Do you know if your friend
will take sugar in the chai?
-Uh, yeah, I think so.
-Okay.
Make sure to ask
if he wants
white sugar or brown sugar.
He seems a little confused.
Oh, that's very clever.
Oh, my god, I'm just saying,
that's a surprise.
What, that he's white?
Didn't Manish tell you?
How would Manish know?
We ran into him.
Wait, he didn't say?
No.
Then why were you calling me?
Doesn't matter.
[clock ticking]
[clock strikes]
I...
love the photo.
Thank you.
Yeah. All the Indians do it.
[Jay] It's so great--
creating a family of your own.
Well, isn't that just
why we're all alive?
So, Jay, where are you from?
Long story--
kind of all over.
It took me a while to figure out
where I belonged.
It turns out, it was here.
[Naveen chuckles]
My parents' house?
-Tsk!
-No.
Well, I meant the city,
but this-this, uh, this house
is great too.
So, sorry,
where's your family?
-Arundhathi...
-What? I'm taking an interest.
It's okay.
[deep breath]
My parents both passed away
a few years ago.
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
That's awful.
No! I mean, it was awful
that they died, but...
they were older
when they adopted me,
so it was not a, you know...
That makes so much sense...
and is one
of the many things
that would have been
nice to know about you
before I made
an ass of myself.
-Sorry?
-Nothing.
Naveen didn't tell us
that you were white.
[Megha] Archit!
-Really?
-Dad, do you...
um, do you really
think that-that's important?
We think it's wonderful
that you're white.
Oh, my god.
-Seriously?
-What?
No, I'm just glad our mother
is being so wonderful
and liberal,
and an open-minded soul,
welcoming my brother's
new lover.
No, we can just say
"boyfriend."
We don't have to say...
It's j-- it's j...
It's "boyfriend."
Welcome into our home.
Wow! Oh, my god.
Let's just start planning
the wedding now.
I was kidding.
What, are you engaged
or something?
No! Uh...
Well, uh, well, uh, I mean,
we've just, uh,
we've just talked about it,
that's...
-Oh... my.
-Wow!
Can you point me
to the bathroom?
[Archit]
Yep. Uh, please go straight.
To your right.
[exhaling deeply]
[Archit slurping loudly]
[Archit burps]
[speaking in Hindi]
For-- for real?
No. I obviously
wouldn't get engaged
before a family meeting.
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, oh, my god.
We're just trying to catch up.
This is psychotic!
I-If I were to get engaged
to some tatted-up white dude
before you even met him,
you would have thrown me
out of the house!
-Keep your voice down!
-This is so damn unfair!
Where were you guys
eight years ago?
What do you mean?
Yeah, what does that mean?
Nothing. Excuse me.
Where are you going?
-[speaking in Hindi]
Hey!
-Oh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey, Naveen,
what was that on his arm?
Sorry.
It's a tattoo of, uh, Ganesh.
Our Ganesh Bhagvan?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-He did that for you?
-What?
-He did it for us?
-Why would you think--
-[footsteps]
Oh, Jay! Come, come. Come.
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
So, Jay... what do you do?
I'm a freelance photographer.
No! For a living.
[Megha speaking in Hindi]
[Archit speaking in Hindi]
Guys...
Dad?
[continuing in Hindi]
Jay speaks Hindi!
[quietly] Uh...
so something really,
really fun about Jay
is that he can speak Hindi.
I understand
better than I speak.
Jay, would you like
to stay for dinner?
[breathing deeply]
[]
Weed!
[slowly] Queer...
art...
-Uh...
-...is really my, um, passion.
Normal art
is queer art.
Yeah, it's all...
I mean, I guess
everything is kind of queer.
Yeah, it's commercial--
commercial, financial.
Yeah. And, uh...
Robert Mapplethorpe,
I don't know
if you've heard of him?
He's, um...
Yeah, there's this great book,
it's called--
[Megha]
Come, come, Chumki, come!
Jay is staying for dinner.
Good.
I'm... sure he's hungry.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Ooh, Mom...
you might not want to go in
the bathroom for a little while.
Why? What? Jay,
are you not feeling well?
I think we are
out of Imodium.
I'm so sorry.
It shouldn't leave an odor.
-Mm.
-Well, that's not my experience.
Is this a new thing
of yours too?
Do you partake?
Arundhathi!
What are you two
talking about?
I'm so sorry.
-Pot, Mom!
-What?
Yeah, he was smoking pot.
I found the cartridge
in the trash.
-My towels!
-Ganja?
I'm sorry, I was trying to say
that it's a vape,
so it shouldn't leave a smell.
I can show you--
-Not now!
Um, uh, Jay, uh...
doesn't usually do this.
Well... that's not true.
Could you not,
for a second?
I'm sorry,
I just feel like your policy
of lying to them
about everything
isn't really working out.
[Arundhathi]
Mm, he does has a point.
Would you shut the fuck up?
-Naveen!
-I should go.
No, not now.
You leaving so soon?
Uncle, Auntie,
thank you
for your hospitality.
Jay. Jay! Hang on.
[]
[door opens]
[Naveen] Jay, wait!
Jay, where are you going?
Naveen, you should be
with your family.
Jay!
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[car engine starts]
[car drives away]
[door bangs]
I can't believe
you just did that.
Me? You're blaming me?
After that ridiculous show
you just put on?
Oh, okay.
That's ridiculous.
Fine, you must as well
just call me a fag.
It'll be faster.
Screw you.
Hey, your sister
is not bigot.
Oh, oh! That's rich.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, Dad,
that you won't say
what actually bothers you
about this whole situation,
because me being gay
makes you uncomfortable.
I love him.
He makes me happy.
Isn't that all that matters?
Since when does that matter
to anyone in this house?
[Archit] Excuse me?
Seriously, what is going on
with you today?
[plates clattering]
Is it hormones?
Archit!
Get her a support pillow!
[Archit] We don't have
a support pillow.
I can't believe
you picked today to drop this.
What is that supposed to mean?
That you hate
when it's not all about you,
and your perfect house
and your perfect husband--
My life is not perfect!
Oh, did you ever think
that maybe I just want a family,
just like you?
For fuck's sake,
I'm not pregnant!
I'm leaving Manish!
What?
I'm getting divorced.
[she sighs]
Arundhathi, I...
You know...
you could've
answered my call.
[]
[door opening]
[Naveen] What are you doing?
I can't find my saffron.
You're packing?
That seems a bit dramatic,
don't you think?
[Jay] I'm not being dramatic.
Oh, right, because
you're typically very grounded.
[sighs wearily]
This was always a bad idea.
What does that mean?
I should have known
from the start.
I saw you...
the way that you squirmed
when I started singing.
I should've known then.
Known what?
That you're ashamed of me.
Ashamed of yourself, actually.
I'm not ashamed of myself.
Naveen...
you move
through public spaces
like your existence
is an inconvenience,
and you're very sorry
to have caused anyone
to notice you at all.
There it is.
Oh, yeah, wouldn't want
to leave that behind.
[Jay] You know how much
saffron costs?
No, Jay. I don't.
[Jay sighs]
You know how I got
that scar from my foster dad?
He found me playing
with my mom's shoes.
[sighing wearily]
I've been rejected
by enough families
to know
when it's time to move on.
Jay...
if you think I'm going to make
some big speech to stop you,
then you're wrong.
I know.
I'm the dramatic one.
[]
[]
[Paul exhales]
All right,
while you were wifed up,
I was out there,
playing the game,
and let me tell you, sweetie,
the game has changed.
Little soon for that.
We're still off carbs,
but dairy's cool again.
"No" to apps,
but "yes" to sex parties.
-Yeah. I--
-No running!
Gays don't run,
but we're allowed to skip.
You know what's out?
Big dicks.
Big dicks were totally '90s.
Paul, we're at the hospital.
We're into tiny little
modest dicks now.
-[text alert chimes]
-Um, back on cord phones.
You know?
We're back on this thing.
We're twirling the cord,
twirling the cord, twirling th--
What?
Just Jay letting me know
he left his keys under the mat.
Okay, we're definitely
going out tonight.
Paul, I'm not going out.
Yes, we are!
-Paul, I'm not going out.
-I went online
to that website
that's now on the Dark Web--
Man, I love going out!
Yeah, me too, buddy.
I love going out.
Oh, yeah. Good, good.
We're in
Sex and the City, bitch!
Hey.
I used the key you gave Mom.
How many secret boyfriends
do you have?
-No.
-No. Absolutely not.
-No, I know too much.
-Woof. No. [laughs]
-[horn honks]
-All right, my Uber's waiting,
so you're up, sis.
See you later.
[Naveen] Don't leave me.
[Paul] No, it's okay.
[Naveen] She's so mean.
[Paul] Figure it out. Bye.
Bye!
Are you drunk?
No. Are you a ghost?
I've been waiting all night.
I thought you were staying
at Mom and Dad's.
Yeah, well...
some things were said,
some feelings were hurt.
Felt like
we could use some space, so...
Where's Jay?
Well, I guess
if your relationship
was that fragile,
maybe I did you a favour.
God, I can't imagine
why you're getting a divorce.
Sorry. Too soon?
I'm...
sorry.
[door closing]
[birds singing]
Everything hurts.
How much did
you drink last night?
Four... appletinis.
Why are you getting a divorce?
Geez, Naveen.
Literally everyone
wants to know.
[she sighs]
A month ago, um...
Manish and I were
watching Project Runway,
and Heidi Klum was wearing
this black sheath dress.
Manish was being honoured
at some gala,
and I asked him
if I should wear
the same dress.
And he said...
"I don't care what you wear,
just as long as you show up."
How... dare he?
Naveen,
he doesn't--
he doesn't look at me.
And I can't even
get mad about it,
because I don't
look at him either.
Manish and I
didn't find each other.
Our mothers introduced us,
which is,
scientifically,
the least horny way
two people can meet.
You guys went on a blind date.
You're acting as if
they sold you off,
like some kind of child bride.
The expectations
were clear.
Well... so what?
Mom and Dad met, like,
at their wedding,
and they're basically great.
[Arundhathi] You think?
What? They are.
Do you know
what Mom said to me?
"There's more to a relationship
than passion.
You just have to adjust."
Like... I-I'm sorry,
I'm not gonna keep living
in a loveless marriage
just because that's
what she decided to do.
[she sighs]
I'm sorry
I torpedoed your relationship.
You did...
yeah, mm, you torpedoed it
pretty good.
I have nothing against
a boy who took you to DDLJ
on your first date.
Mm.
Have you... not told him
how you used to watch it
over and over again
until the VHS stopped working?
No.
Why not?
Because it's an absurd movie.
You cried
every time you watched it.
Yeah, so did you.
Then I got arranged
to a stranger.
But you kind of have
what SRK and Kajol have.
That thing...
that DDLJ thing
where you look at him
and you hear music.
What are you talking about?
I saw him touch your hair.
It was the sweetest thing.
He touched my hair,
so we should get married?
Oh, I never said that!
I never said anything to you
about music.
Are you telling me
I'm wrong?
What do I know?
I've never heard music myself.
But if I had
what you had...
What?
Something real.
[birdsong]
[]
[flags rustling]
[]
[Naveen] So then
he just found his saffron
and... and left.
So, any thoughts...
[sighing]
I know I'm probably not
supposed to say this,
but...
[whispering]
...you're my favourite one.
I just think you're great.
I'm a really big fan.
So, really, any kind of advice
or...
...any sign would work.
[man rings bell]
[]
[bell ringing]
[]
I really don't feel
like watching a movie right now.
Well, art heals.
Especially Fellini.
[]
What's going on?
This is DDLJ.
I can't watch this right now.
Hey, Jay, can you
just not talk?
Why are you showing this to me?
I'm not.
This is just what came up.
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
[]
What?
[theme swells]
[laughing]
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
Jay Kurundkar...
I have historically hated
making dramatic displays.
I find them mortifying.
Isn't this mortifying?
[Jay laughing]
But this is something
I need to say
as loudly as possible.
You are beautiful,
you are wise,
and you are brave...
...and I'm lost without you.
[theme music swells]
[]
[film stops]
[]
[floorboards creaking]
Go!
Go.
[]
[sighing]
What are you doing?
That depends...
is it working?
[sighing]
It might be.
In that case...
I'm asking you again,
in a very dramatic way...
for a second time...
...if you'd marry me.
What about your family?
I love you.
I won't do this
without them.
I know.
I love you too.
[]
[]
[clock ticking]
Archit, say something.
What?
[Megha] Tell them
you're happy for them.
[Archit]
I am happy for them.
We're so happy for you.
Thanks, Mom.
Dad, I was, uh, wondering
if, uh you would
ask Pandit Kumar to officiate.
"Officiate"?
The... wedding?
Uh, you want Pandit Kumar
to do your wedding?
As opposed to...?
We thought you would want
a more gay wedding.
A gay wedding?
Yeah, you know, like where
you wear matching suits,
and we are in a fancy barn,
and one of your friends
becomes an Internet priest...
No, no.
We want an Indian wedding.
Still gay, though.
So, which one of you
is the bride?
-Oh, Dad--
-Yeah.
That-that's not how it works.
Do we have to give you away?
Or does someone else
give him away?
That tradition is messed up.
I mean, technically,
we gave Arundhathi away
to Manish's parents?
We tried.
[Megha] Archit!
Forget about
the giving-away thing.
But what about the dance?
At Arundhathi's wedding,
the groom and his family
welcomed her with a dance.
But with two grooms...
Well, that's easy.
My parents aren't here,
so I'd be more than happy
to watch you all dance for me.
Uh, isn't that a little...
What, gay?
Loud.
Loud? It's an Indian wedding!
You don't have to shout.
It's fine.
[]
[Megha] So? Are you gonna
say something?
[Archit] What is there to say?
[she sighs]
Sometimes,
after all these years,
I just don't know you.
[Archit] You know me.
And you're thinking
the same as me.
Deep down.
I'm not! I'm not.
[footsteps receding]
Are you
paying attention, Archit?
[Archit] Yes.
First thing-- invitations.
Naveen, show Jay the one
we made for Arundhathi.
Oh... okay. Um...
Wow!
This album makes me
so emotional.
It was $2,300
for the outfit alone.
Such a waste.
Anyway,
do you like the invite?
Um, actually, we were planning
on sending an email.
An email?
We just thought
we'd save some trees.
No trees need to be saved!
We have to send a proper
printed invitation
that come
from your father and me,
like we did for Arundhathi.
[Archit]
Because it worked out so well.
I'm right here.
[Magna] And you should be
with Manish, adjusting.
Stop telling me to adjust.
You can't adjust your way
into loving someone.
Oh! You want true love?
You want a fairytale,
you want flowers,
you want music.
In real life,
you have to adjust!
Look how much I'm adjusting!
I love paper invites.
[Megha] Thank you.
And you should
respect the traditions
you're about
to enter into.
Mom, a day ago,
you told me to get married
by an Internet priest.
Oh, why you have to be
so technical?
[]
Madam,
thank you for entrusting me
with this homo wedding.
This is the wedding planner?
Uh, I thought we said
no more barns.
Oh! Okay. No, no.
We're open to it.
We're open to it.
Of course, Master Ji.
We are so lucky
to have you planning it.
You're always so booked
and busy.
It is all good!
Love is love.
And money is money.
[phone rings]
[speaking in Hindi]
Are we sure about this guy?
He's perfect.
Look at him yell.
[beep]
So, which one is the bride?
The dance floor will be here.
You ready to shake it?
[Naveen] I don't really dance.
What is wrong with you?
Master Ji, this is perfect.
The space is perfect.
Good.
Let us talk dates.
We all know this is the best
venue for Indian weddings.
Lowest divorce rate,
highest spirituality
for the lowest price.
They have September 11 open.
Wonderful!
Oh, Mom, wait--
Wait? What is wrong
with September 11th?
Because of something hap--
-Oh, the terror attack?
-Yes.
Oh, September 11,
is it a discount?
-Discount?
-Yeah.
There's no discount.
We don't want that day
even if there's a discount.
We also have September 12...
-Oh, perfect!
-In six years.
No, that's--
that's way too long.
Might be good to hold off,
make sure this man
is really the one.
[Jay] What?
What?!
[Megha] Do you know
what happens in a barn?
Animals live in a barn!
You-- my son is getting married!
Why don't you understand?
You don't
have a proper ballroom
where I can
invite all my friends
and be happy with them?
You want a ballroom?
People are gonna suffocate!
-All these flowers--
-Nobody feel bad
about being in a homo wedding,
feeling homophobic.
-Get over--
-Because of the air.
Oh, my god! You stop
saying "homo" right now!
Clean, fresh air.
[Megha] You think I'm scared
of throwing a big wedding?
You think the Gavaskars
cannot have a big wedding?
-You want big wedding?
-Yes.
We can get the Thunderbirds
to fly over
and spray queer colours.
Can put the soundtrack...
She loves you so much.
I know.
[Ji]...to look
at the surroundings anyway.
[Megha] Do you realize
that my only gay son
is getting married?
[Ji] The kundlis say
that this is the best venue--
[Megha] You told Marie
about my son's community.
Why didn't you come in?
[chuckling]
I would have been in the way.
Are you all done?
Hmm, is your mother
riding with Jay?
Dad, you know,
for a second there,
I couldn't remember
why I even wanted
any of this anymore,
but there's a difference
between not wanting something
and being afraid
to want it.
Naveen?
Dad, what is the worst thing
that you think can happen?
Huh?
What, a couple
of aunties gossip?
Seriously, Dad,
what are you so afraid of?
Ungrateful children.
You just...
...decide things.
You and your sister both--
you just decide,
whatever it is you want.
You know how much say
my father gave me in my wedding?
None.
Yeah, well, maybe you're fine
in some sort of
loveless marriage
for your whole life, but--
Is that what you think?
Of your mother and I?
I'm gonna ride
with Mom and Jay.
We'll send you an invite,
but no obligation to attend.
[door closes]
[footsteps recede]
[]
Thank you. Thank you.
Why are you sitting over here?
You don't need
to get in my space, please.
You go sit in your chair.
You bought that chair
for yourself, right?
That ridiculous chair.
You go there.
[clock strikes]
What? Why you looking at me?
I'm very tired.
I'm going to head up to bed.
[singing quietly]
[continues singing
as he departs]
[]
[]
You found this guy
on Craigslist?
Instagram.
His ad said
assembling furniture
was his passion.
[door opening]
-Mom!
Hey?
Don't "Hey, Mom" me!
And you!
What did you say
to your father?
What?
He's extremely upset!
Good.
"Good"?
When did you become like this?
What, brave?
Disrespectful!
Sitting like that
while your mom
is still standing!
I tried, okay?
I really tried.
You know how much.
See, this is the problem
with the two of you.
You both think
we are the enemy.
Do you know that
when you even
prick your finger, we bleed?
Excuse me, Ma'am?
Would you like
something to sit on?
Who are you?
Where is your shirt?
-He doesn't work with a shirt.
-No, no. Nice boy.
Nice boy.
I'm good. Thank you. No. No.
[Arundhathi]
She's fine.
Do you have any idea
what the last six years
have been like for us?
You just announce
that you're gay,
and you take off.
You go off
to live your own life.
I don't know anything about
you or your relationships,
nothing,
and then you come back
with this boy
who we don't know
anything about,
and you just announce
that you're engaged?
Twice?
How do you expect
your father to react?
And I've been
indulging you so much
out of fear!
I'm so scared that if I say
one wrong word to you,
you're just gonna
cut us off your life forever!
Mom, I would never--
I have to go.
And you!
You're wasting your time
in this room with one chair.
[footsteps receding]
[door opens]
All we have is each other!
[door closes]
[]
[]
[sizzling]
[knocking]
Hey, Uncle.
-Ah.
-Megha sent me in.
Come in.
Is everything okay?
I got your message.
I thought
we can have a little chat.
Are you making korma?
Ah.
Can I help?
No, no, no. No. I'm okay.
Do you ever try making this
with dates, Uncle?
Why would I do that?
That is just odd.
It's actually
a wonderful flavour.
Then you should make something
which is supposed
to have dates in it.
Naveen says
you've always done the cooking.
When I was a boy,
I wanted to cater weddings
for a living...
to be a cook.
Why didn't you?
When I told my father,
he gave me this.
That was a different time.
Not that different.
Naveen never told me
that story.
He doesn't know.
I think
you should tell him.
Do you know
Naveen used to paint?
See that?
[Jay] Ah.
He drew that.
[Jay] Wow.
Always surprising me...
my only son.
So much inside him.
Beautiful things...
like that.
He has...
he has good taste.
Good instincts.
[kissing]
[]
Are there dates in this?
[Archit clears his throat]
[]
[]
[Arundhathi]
You do all this,
and you hope
it lasts forever...
...and if it doesn't,
you come together
and do it all again
for someone else
anyways.
Because...
and-and I'm sorry
to be sentimental,
it's not in my nature, but...
the easiest thing
to believe in
is love.
Here, stand still.
Mom, it's fine.
It's not fine.
And you,
you should be rehearsing!
I'm all set.
He looks good, Ma.
[guests applauding]
[Pandit] Now...
the varmala.
Both our grooms
will exchange garlands
just to specify
their acceptance of each other
as spouses.
Okay.
Ooh...
Come... come on. Come on.
Aren't you the wily coyote?
[laughing]
[encouraging and teasing]
[laughter and applause]
Mangalam Bhagwan Vishnuh,
Mangalam Garunadhwajah.
[]
Mangalam Bhagwan Vishnuh,
Mangalam Garunadhwajah.
You know, I say that
all the time.
Shh!
[]
[Arundhathi] The couple vows
to remain loyal
as long as they live.
The couple vows to live
in harmony with nature.
[]
The couple vows to take care
of each other's families
as their own,
to respect their elders.
[]
The couple vows support...
to take equal care
of the relationship.
The couple vows
friendship to each other...
for this life,
and for all the lives.
[Pandit] You are now
one soul.
They're married.
Happy marry.
Oh...
[Auntie giggling]
[applause]
[]
[applause continues]
[]
[Arundhathi] They say
when you throw the rice
over your shoulder,
you're finally leaving
your parents behind forever.
Ah
But how could you,
really?
Ah
Ah
Ah
Where did Mom go?
[tapping on microphone]
Hello.
[conversations begin hushing]
[applause]
I'm Megha...
Naveen's mother.
I didn't know
your mom was speaking.
Uh...
Naveen's father and I
have been married for 35 years,
so I'm here
to offer some advice.
How much
has she had to drink?
Your mother doesn't drink.
[Megha] I didn't
meet Naveen's father
until our engagement,
so there were many things
we didn't know about each other
until after our wedding day.
I had to figure out
what this new person liked,
didn't like,
what he preferred,
didn't prefer...
Maybe she is drunk.
...what he really liked,
really didn't like,
how much,
how many times...
that's right, people.
I'm talking about
the most important thing
in any relationship...
food.
-[laughter]
-Oh!
Oh, my god! She got me.
-[laughter]
-[relieved sigh]
I was so nervous.
I had never done it
before marriage...
Oh, my god.
...the cooking.
-Oh, my god.
-No. I can't do this.
This is worse than coming out.
I tried making him idlis
for our first breakfast.
It came out like idli pudding.
[chuckling]
The dosas kept breaking.
Potatoes so tough,
you could
break your teeth on them.
[laughing]
It went on like this
for a week,
and then, one night,
I woke up to this amazing aroma.
My husband was in the kitchen,
cooking an enormous feast.
Aloo paratha,
daal makhani,
navratan korma,
bhindi curry...
The poor man just couldn't
take it anymore!
He was starving.
[laughter]
He was so apologetic,
but I was so thrilled.
Afterwards, we conceived
our first child--
Arundhathi.
-Oh, shit!
-Oh, my god.
Okay. We're going there.
Arundhathi,
who gave us so much joy,
and who we love so much.
And Naveen
wasn't too far behind.
Naveen,
you were such a shy,
delicate little boy,
and I wouldn't say
I was so surprised
when you came out
to be a gay...
-[snickering]
-Wow.
-There she is.
-Okay.
...but I was scared.
I was worried
that life would be harder
for you.
I was worried
you would be lonely.
Jay...
thank you
for loving my son.
You have put my heart at ease.
Naveen and Jay,
you two have a major head start
on your father and me.
Yours might seem like
a different kind of marriage,
but if you are lucky,
in time,
the love that you have today
will seem small,
because you will see
as life goes on,
that your love
will grow and grow
and grow...
until one day you realize...
that it will never
stop growing.
[applause]
[applause continues]
Nice speech.
Thank you.
You know,
your father and I
were luckier
than I realized.
I think everyone deserves
to feel so lucky one day.
You're next, Chumki.
[Arundhathi chuckles]
Okay.
So, are you ready?
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
-Let's do this.
-Let's do this.
[background conversations]
-Go!
The mic, yeah?
[microphone squeals]
And now, everyone, be quiet!
I mean it! Be quiet!
Put it together...
because the groom's family
have arranged for
a special surprise for the...
groom!
[spotlight clicks and whooshes]
What?
[soft piano intro rises]
What's happening?
[Naveen] You know...
there's nothing gayer
than Bollywood...
Oh, my god.
...the bigness of love.
[audience cheering]
["Jalebi Baby" by Tesher plays]
Te-Te-Te-Te-Te-Te-
Te-Te-Te-Tesher
Eh!
[cheering]
Mithi galam kara ke
Tu na ja chada ke
Eh, I think about it
every day
Baby lookin' like
khana khajana on a plate, eh
Like mithai, like kulfi
Ras milai, pisata barfis
Saradia vica garami lagadi
Jada vi tu mere
raha vicom caladi
-I know that you wanna
-Okay!
Get crazy, crazy
Shawty take it slow
Then cheti, cheti
Bana ja tu meri
Jalebi baby
Hey!
- [guests cheering]
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
-What is going on?
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Oh, I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi
Jalebi, I
I know the things
The things that you like
[cheering]
[]
[laughing]
Oh, baby, let me see it
Slay, mama.
Oh!
[]
Yeah
Hey! Tell me how you feel
Oh, the dad's involved.
Movie star
Doin' it for reels
Lookin' like a snack
Lookin' like a whole meal
Gucci and Chanel
Wit' yer red-bottom heels
Ice drip like pani
Bana ja tu meri rani
Oh, my god, he's vogueing!
She my divani masatani
Light it up, living every day
like it's Diwali
Young Tesher, young Shahrukh
I'm at every party
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Oh, I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
[]
Jalebi, aye
I know the things
The things that you like
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Know I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi, oh
[]
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi, oh
[bell ringing]
["Sage" by Ritviz plays]
Sage
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab-sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Bistar adhoori
toh kaise soye jaana?
Bistar adhoori
lo-lo-lori sunana
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Kabhi-kabhi
toh humse ghabrana
Sabhi-sabhi
ko tum hi samjhana
Abhi-abhi
toh humne hi jaana
Tu kaynat na-na
Kaynat ah-ah
Kaynat, ha, ha Kaynat
Kaynat
Kaynat, Kaynat
Ha, ha Kaynat
Kaynat
Lori sunana
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab-sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Bistar adhoori
toh kaise soye jaana?
Bistar adhoori
lo-lo-lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
[]
[]
[]
["Badtameez Dil" by Ranbir
Kapoor & Deepika Padukone plays]
Get up on yo feet
Right here
Yo feet
Shake your booty
Oh
Uh
Oh
Uh
Oh
Oh
Paan main pudeena dekha
naak ka nageena dekha
Chikni chameli dekhi
Chikna kameena dekha
Chaand ne cheater hoke
cheat kiya toh
Saare taare bole
Gilli gilli akhaa
[Naveen] I was 25
when my sister got married.
My parents were thrilled...
because Arundhathi,
after scaring
the shit out of them
with a string
of truly atrocious
college boyfriends,
had finally agreed
to let them fix her up with,
as my mom puts it,
"A nice Indian boy."
[he sighs]
Ah, beautiful
Manish Rao...
a future orthopedic surgeon,
no less.
I think my dad actually cried
when my mom told him that,
which is funnier
if you know
that my dad's face
usually looks like this.
This was the best day
of my mother's life.
Just look at her face.
Yeh jo haal hai
Sawaal hai
Kamaal hai
Jaane na, jaane na
[Naveen] And this man
is Pandit Kumar,
and he is about
to get in my business.
Next one of these,
it'll be you out there.
[chuckling]
[Naveen] I would hear that
over and over again...
You're next, my friend.
[speaking in Hindi]
[she giggles]
[Naveen] ...an endless chorus
of reminders
that one day,
I'd have this too--
the big Indian wedding.
Just one concern.
[romantic theme plays]
What will it look like
when I bring home
a nice Indian boy?
[]
They obviously know I'm gay.
They've just never seen me
be gay with another... gay.
Naveen!
What are you doing
hiding over here?
Today was leg day.
I lift. Do you lift?
Yeah, all the time.
[he chuckles]
Come on, I wanna see you
on the dance floor, man!
Okay.
Can I ask you something?
Mm-hmm.
You see any girls
you like out there?
No.
That's too bad.
I'm a sick wingman.
You're next, buddy!
[]
[phone ringing]
Hi, Naveen. Where are you?
Uh, it's 8:00 a.m.
I'm at the hospital.
Your Triple-A membership
is expired.
You want me to renew it?
Is this really important
right now?
I don't know.
Maybe you're driving around
recklessly all over town,
and you're, like, "oh...
they will come and tow me,
that Triple-A!"
Doesn't your
hammer-calling me about this
just make that more likely?
My god!
Are you driving right now?
Pull over!
No, I'm not driving.
I'm at the hospital.
Okay, I'll renew it for you.
Don't tell your father.
Okay, wow, thank you so much.
I really appreciate you.
Okay, bye.
Hey! Listen!
Did you watch that movie "Milk"?
I saw it last night on OutTV,
you know the channel
for out gays?
Yes. I know.
You like that movie?
No, Mom.
I haven't seen it.
You know, in that movie,
this man, Milk,
he moves to Castro
with his boyfriend, Smith.
Very handsome couple!
Anyway, Milk
enters politics, but--
-I don't need a recap.
-Smith doesn't like it!
So they break up.
Okay! No problem.
Milk ends up getting elected
to the San Francisco
Board of Supervisors.
Oh, does he?
And there, he meets this man,
Dan White.
Now, this Dan White
does not like the gays.
Mm-hmm?
So Dan White kills Milk!
Oh, no.
He's the Thanos.
Oh! Yeah, no, I'm gonna
have to check that out.
I guess this is why
Sean Penn got divorced.
Uh...
I think
he was just acting.
Hi, Mrs. G!
And how in these movies
do gay people know
who the other gay people are?
Like, they just give
each other a look,
and like, boom!
They're kissing.
[hushed] What's she talking
about, a movie?
Mom, it's just a movie.
What movie?
Is that what you do?
I don't want you
to get into trouble!
Ask if she watched "Bros."
Uh, oh?
What is that, nurse?
-There's no nurse.
-They're coding?
That's a lot of... blood.
There's a mother?
In the ICU?
Uh, yes, I'll be right there.
I must help every mother.
Maybe I should go to the ICU
so I can finally see you.
All right, bye, love you.
Wait! Wait!
I'm having a heart atta--!
[]
[]
[man rings temple bell]
[sighing]
Whatever.
[tapping]
Hey, Ben.
How is it going, question mark.
Haven't heard from you
in a while,
exclamation mark.
Guess you've been eating
an apple a day,
because you've kept
this doctor away.
Hi, Jeremy.
Um, I was talking
to my mom today,
and I remembered
you have a mom,
so how...
how are you, man...
question mark.
Delete.
Thanks, Charlotte.
I actually don't need
a plus-one to the wedding,
because I'm happy with myself,
and I'm really not lonely.
Hey, Edmund.
Um, I saw that you're engaged,
but in case
it doesn't work out,
um, wanna go out, question mark.
Delete. Delete.
[phone] Sent.
Hey, Rahul.
Um... was drinking water today
and thought of you
Ha...
because you said
you need to drink more water.
ha... ha...ha...
[sighs] Oh, god, this sucks.
I sound like Jeffrey Dahmer.
-[snoring loudly]
-[TV]...diamonds.
We only have about 25
of that ring.
It's already starting to sell.
Okay, and is the cough
dry or productive?
Gloria! My favourite patient.
How's the ulcer?
On a scale of one to ten,
how much phlegm?
Oh, we do have your X-rays...
No. I know it's 11,
but the scale is from one to--
It's not looking good.
Okay, and then how many drinks,
uh, per day,
would you say you're having?
I-I don't want to get
too graphic, but, one time--
Yes, beer counts as alcohol.
I was hooking up with a guy...
That's not good.
...bent his dick backwards...
You. Get your picture taken.
They need you
with Sepsis Guy in 10.
-Huh?
-It's portrait day!
Ooh!
I heard from Sam in Radiology
that the photographer is hot!
Oh, fun!
Oh, don't worry, they'll
fix your hair in PhotoShop.
What's wrong with my hair?
Yes, let's focus on
your personal grooming,
not all the sick people
who need your care.
What's wrong with it?
On this side,
I feel like maybe you could--
[flash bulb pops]
[Naveen sighs]
Ahem.
[flash pops]
Really nice. Thank you.
Have a good one.
[]
Okay, so you can just have
a seat right there
on that little stool.
Ganesh, right?
Hmm?
Uh, no, it's Gavaskar.
[chuckles] No, sorry.
I saw you
at the temple last night,
in front of the Ganesh altar.
Oh! Oh, yeah.
That was, uh...
th-that-- yeah.
You know Ganesh?
[he laughs]
I'm Jay. I promise
I'm not following you.
I'm just in this neighbourhood
this week.
Oh. Okay.
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
Okay. So look over here.
Yep. There you go.
And, uh, keep your head
just like that.
Nice.
And bring your eyes... here.
Okay, now smile.
Be yourself.
Oh.
[Jay] Not so contained.
Oh... okay.
[Jay]
You don't have to bunch up.
There we go.
That's really nice.
You ready?
[]
[flash pops]
Are you two
going to be a while?
It was great to see you again.
-Actually--
-Jesus H. Christ.
Sorry.
Listen. I've got an extra ticket
to a film screening on Sunday,
it's my dad's favourite movie,
if you want to join me?
Uh, I'll-I'll check my--
I'll check my calendar,
but yes, yes, I think my--
I think I'll be--
which is, uh, which movie?
[cowbell ringing gently]
[wind rushes]
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
[]
[sighing]
Do you, um...
watch a lot of foreign films?
No. Yes. I'm sorry.
I'm adopted.
Oh!
I was raised
by Indian parents.
I grew up on that movie.
It always reminds me of them.
They, uh, they passed away.
Oh, gosh. I-I'm so sorry.
They were older
when they adopted me, so...
It is weird, isn't it?
What?
I took you to that movie.
We met at a temple.
My last name is Kurundkar.
It's not we--
It was very weird.
I don't know,
people get adopted.
My parents are white.
Sure, but that's not--
So now I love boat shoes
and Diane Keaton.
Okay, we're getting
a little sidetracked.
That movie was darker
than I remembered.
Dark?
Her dad was obviously
a psychopath.
Eh, he was passionate.
And if SRK hadn't shown up,
she would've just married
the other psychopath.
But he did show up!
That's what makes it romantic.
He showed up,
even though their love
seemed completely impossible.
So corny, right?
I mean, who talks like that?
It's like he's in the movie.
Mm-hmm.
I think you're missing
the heart of this movie.
I am?
Yeah, that scene
before the end of intermission,
when Kajol is resigned
to her fate,
that she's gonna be
forever separated
from the man she loves,
she is at her lowest moment,
and she hears the cowbell--
[cowbell chiming]
and then there he is...
and then he stands there
in the middle of
all these yellow flowers,
and he sings.
Tujhe dekha
Oh.
Yeah.
-Oh...
-Yeah!
Fuck.
Mm.
To ye janaa sanam
Read the room.
Or be in a room!
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
And then it's
La-la la-la la
-Ahem.
-La-la la-la la
La-la la-la la
La la la!
Wow.
Aah!
Thank you.
That was a little over the top.
Sorry. That happens.
No, it's okay.
I think a lot of people
find Bollywood a bit much.
Yeah?
But I think it's because
we're all a little embarrassed.
Embarrassed...?
By the bigness of love.
I don't want to hear, like,
sweeping notions of love.
Oh, yeah,
that sounds horrible.
It's 2024.
The world is burning.
So you went home?
[music blaring]
[]
[coughing]
Oh, wow.
[exhales] Uhh.
Um, yeah,
what's really interesting
is that we have a Panera Bread
inside the hospital.
Oh, my god.
Not the hospital stories.
Are you kidding?
-They are interesting.
-They are not, they're very--
-They are interesting.
It's really interesting,
because, like,
the parking structure
is divided by numbers,
so it's, like,
one through seven,
but then there's, like,
letters, too,
so it's like you can park
in 1-A, 1-B, 1-C...
Do you know how many
medical shows are on TV?
Do you think
no one's watching those?
On a date?
No one's trying to fuck
after E.R.
What's really crazy
is that Grey's Anatomy
is still good.
I would say season 16 onwards,
it's better
than most things on TV.
So you were enjoying yourself?
Also, he vapes.
[coughing]
-Do you want some of this?
-Oh, no.
Uh, uh, no. I mean, uh,
I-I'm totally cool with it.
My parents aren't, but I am.
I just do it
when I'm nervous.
You're nervous?
A little bit, yeah.
Ohh!
Anxious people
are the best in bed,
because you know why?
-Why?
-They try harder.
Anyways, um...
then he told me
all these stories
about his childhood.
Um, like how he went through
12 different foster homes,
just kept moving and moving.
He didn't even
have a suitcase.
He just carried all of
his stuff in plastic bags...
...until one day,
he became a Kurundkar.
Theirs was the first home
where I felt like belonged,
they were my family.
Hmm. Of course.
I guess I'd never really,
like, felt love
before my parents,
and it's like
they instilled in me this...
feeling...
it's like a feeling of home.
It's not even like a literal
house or a location.
It can kind of go anywhere.
[he sighs]
I would have liked to have them
see me grow up...
...be with someone.
You know, that's what
I love about DDLJ.
it doesn't end with the couple
getting together in the end,
like in an American movie...
because it's not about
two people going at it alone,
clinging to each other
like life rafts.
It's about everybody,
together.
The family,
the wedding...
Do you ever think about that?
Uh, about what, sorry?
Like, your dream wedding.
Um...
Like,
when you close your eyes,
and you imagine a wedding,
what do you see?
I don't really do that.
Why not?
Uh... this is, a pretty...
intense conversation
for a first date.
Right.
No. You're right.
I've had too much tequila.
I'm sorry. [chuckling]
Uh... uh, what do you--
what do you see?
The entire thing.
[laughing]
I see a...
I see a big, solemn ceremony,
where everybody's crying,
and an even bigger party.
I see...
choreographed dances
with the entire family.
Everybody that we love is there,
and my husband and I
look at each other,
and we think...
...we want for nothing.
I have made it weird again,
haven't I?
-No!
-First time, singing at you,
and now I'm telling you
about...
-No, you're fine.
-...my wedding dreams.
I've made it weird.
No. No, no, no.
You're-- you're good.
You're, uh... you are--
you're great.
I should go.
I should, uh... go,
uh, because I have a, um, uh...
-Yeah.
...an early call tomorrow.
Okay.
Yeah, I just--
I have patients, uh...
to save, notes to write.
I need to sleep.
Okay. Right.
Um, sorry. That was abrupt.
That's okay.
No, no, no. I get it.
I just...
um, lives are at stake.
Uh...
Yeah, could we just
get the check?
I had to get here early.
You know how early
I have to get here.
[closing door]
[]
[]
So what did you think?
You can be brutal.
It was great.
That's it?
I don't know anything
about art.
[laughing] Everybody has
an equal right to art.
Okay. Um...
Tell me what you thought.
That one is my favourite.
Oh, God.
What?
I was really scared
to show that one.
It must have been awful,
losing them.
You're still
not so sure about me.
W-what makes you say that?
The reason
I love that photo so much--
it tells me who you are.
I mean, I could never
put myself out there like this.
Is that a tattoo?
Yeah. That's my Ganesh.
You have a scar.
It's kind of a long story.
["Ishq" by Ali Sethi plays]
[]
[clock chimes]
I signed a new client
this week.
Mm.
My fourth this month.
[Manish] Killing it, babe.
Are you sure you should be
taking on more work?
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know, maybe
you want to take a vacation.
Vacation?
10 weeks, 12 weeks--
it will help you relax.
More, if you find you like it.
Still not pregnant, Mom.
I don't like your tone,
Arundhathi.
How come no one asks Naveen
invasive personal questions?
Wha--
We do!
[Arundhathi] Great!
What's new, Naveen?
Got a boyfriend?
[Dad]
Leave your brother alone.
You are making him
uncomfortable.
[Arundhathi]
Sorry. But it's fine
when Mom plays Inspector Gadget
in my uterus?
[Mom] You know what?
Just leave it.
[]
[doorbell buzzing]
How was your visit home?
Good.
Your family seemed well?
Yeah. Good.
Yeah. Um, so, uh,
what are your friends like?
Uh, anything I should know?
Focaccia!
Oh, no, thank you.
Come on,
it's got herbs and spices in it.
Oh. Uh...
Actually,
if you can hold this,
that would be so great.
Thank you so much.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi!
I'm Billie.
Uh, I remember.
We-- we just met.
-Yeah. That's my roommate, Neel.
-Hey, babes!
He was supposed to help me
set up for the party,
but I did it all myself,
because... the patriarchy!
I'm so sorry.
No. It's fine.
Yep.
Jay tells me you're a healer.
Uh... oh, you--
uh, I'm a doctor.
And how-- and you are?
A projectionist.
Okay.
I work at AMC.
I've heard of it.
You're not dancing.
Oh...
Um, I-I'm not a dancer.
We're all dancers.
We are?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think you're perfect.
Uh, thank you.
Just don't break him.
He's more fragile
than he seems.
Right.
Okay, I'm not loving
the looks of this.
Shall we go dance?
Uh...
Did y--
uh, did you want some...
some carbs?
Oh, my god, I love bread.
Oh, that's so good.
[]
The weed was in the focaccia?
Neel bakes
his own pot focaccia.
He should have told you.
I had four of them.
I'm starting to feel it too.
Ohh...
Whaa... I... wh...
[Jay] What?
I... I...
Yeah, uh...
[]
[flash bulb pops]
-[Naveen] I...
-[Jay] Yeah?
[Naveen] Feel...
[Jay] I know.
[Naveen] Good.
[crowd applauding]
-[music plays]
-[audience applauds]
The places where
we used to meet
We go together
Step by step
Like shoes on the feet
We go together
Just like the sand
out in the sea
What good is sugar
Without no tea
What good are you
if you don't have me
We go together
Take it away.
Mom? Dad? [chuckling]
Actually, you guys,
so funny you ask,
because I am seeing someone.
You know how things always
get super weird
whenever
anything gay comes up?
Well, I just thought
I'd put everyone at ease
by mentioning my white,
Hindu, orphan, artist boyfriend.
Like ice cream
and an apple pie
Mom? Dad?
Do you want another son...
who's white?
You know, someone with
an unflinching gaze
who sees all of me?
Mom!
Do you remember
those condoms you bought me?
I'm gonna use them now,
because I'm seeing someone.
Just like a fork
who needs a spoon
Just like a song
that needs a tune
We go together
Mom, you know
how you were saying
that there was a lot of hair
in my bathroom?
It's because there's another man
living with me now.
We go together
Oh...
You guys,
you know how much you love
getting your photo taken?
Well, I'm dating
a white photographer now.
"Cheese."
Get out your Beyonce.
I need the wind machine.
Well, the places where
we used to meet
Don't let them talk over you.
When are you
going to appreciate Manish?
Such a good guy!
-I do appreciate Manish.
-He is not--
The power of love
inside you...
let it out.
[Mom] All your eggs
are going to get dried up.
[Arundhathi] So be it.
You've got this.
You've got this.
We go together
You got this.
We go together
like a storm and rain
Just like a fire
that needs a flame
Just like a picture
needs a frame
We go together
We go together
like the moon and June
Just like the fork
needs the spoon
[Naveen] Mom, Dad...
do you ever feel
like Kajol in a field
of yellow flowers
hearing a cowbell
and just knowing...
[]
Naveen!
Uh, Manish!
Um...
Sorry, we're running late
for-- for, uh, for, um...
this thing.
Uh, where's Arundhathi?
Um... I don't know.
I-I'm sorry.
Oh! Um...
This is, uh... uh...
[Jay] Jay.
Jay. Wow.
Hey, that's...
Good for you, Naveen.
Just, um, be well, okay?
It was nice to meet you, Jay.
Bye.
[buzzing]
[phone ringing]
[ringing]
It's not about you. I-I just--
I just like to keep my family
out of my personal life.
[Jay sighs]
I know it's-- it's crazy,
but I've never introduced
them to a boyfriend before,
and, honestly, if you met them,
you'd understand.
"If"?
[Paul] Um, so, after dinner,
he walks me to my door,
and it's, like, moonlight,
it's all really romantic,
and then he, like, presses me
up against the door,
and he leans in,
and I'm like,
"Okay, first kiss--"
so I'm like puckering up...
then he robbed me.
And then he pulled out his gun
and showed it to me,
and it was like, "Whoa!"
-Whoa.
-"I gotta get out of here."
-Yeah.
-Anyways...
enough about me, sorry.
So, what about you two?
Uh, sorry.
What about us?
How did you two meet?
I love a love story.
Uh, he took my picture
in the hospital.
So... um...
do you doctors
get annoyed when,
you know, people ask you
for free medical advice?
Yes.
You don't have
to change the subject.
I took his picture,
then we started
dating seriously...
[deep breath]
...and then...
he didn't
tell his family about me,
so it's kind of like
I don't exist.
Jay, is this...
[Neel] Are they fighting?
We're-- we're not, uh--
We're not fighting.
Because you never say
what you feel.
Jay.
But I do,
and I get
that families are tough.
I mean, I get that, but...
I kind of thought
that this was...
Sorry. I don't know.
I know--
[Jay] I made you
a part of my family.
I always hoped that, one day,
you'd make me a part of yours.
I want that.
You know that.
Well, you've never said it.
-Said what?
-Said what you want!
-Really, we could give y--
-No, it's fine.
I...
the big wedding...
I want that too.
The baraat,
the fire,
the... pandit,
the seven circles,
a party with
all of the people we love.
"We want for nothing."
I want that.
I do.
Of course I do.
I want the same thing.
The same thing... with you.
[]
Does that mean--
What?
[Jay] I mean...
it feels like you're saying
that you want to--
[chuckles] Yes.
Yes.
A betrothal.
Okay, no more arguments,
or Naveen's
gonna end up pregnant.
[chuckling]
[]
[Billie] Love wins!
[others laughing]
[]
[exhaling]
[call ringing]
[sighing]
[Archit] Hi, Beta!
Hey!
Hey, uh, ahem, hey, uh,
is-is Mom there?
She's taking a nap.
Oh. Cool. Um...
I-- I was wondering if I could
bring someone along tomorrow.
What?
Hello? Hello!
Hi. Hi.
I can't hear you, Beta!
-I was-- I was j--
-Hello?
I'm saying
that I'm gonna brin--
The connection dropped!
Okay, yeah, no, I'm saying
I'm gonna bring
someone along tomorrow.
Who is it?
It's a guy... I'm seeing.
Uh...
Is he a doctor too?
No. Uh, no.
Uh, actually,
we met at the... temple.
Ah! Ha! That's nice.
Yeah. Uh, I should say--
Okay, then! Speak soon.
No, um, I-I was just gonna...
um, okay.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We'll just see you tomorrow.
Okay. I'll-I'll-I'll--
Okay, bye!
I'll t-talk to you then.
Okay. Bye.
[bed creaks]
That was not the plan.
[door closing]
You nervous?
Hmm?
Are you nervous?
No. You?
No.
[seatbelts clicking]
[]
Hey! Relax.
I am relaxed.
Do you think
I should touch their feet?
I've never been
to their house before.
I think
it would be weird.
Should we watch some OutTV
while we wait?
Watching OutTV is not
going to help us, Jaan.
It's just that I don't know
what the protocol is
in this situation.
My parents are super liberal
for Indians.
Just, um, don't bring up
drinking,
or meat, or sex, or drugs.
And obviously, no displays
of physical affection
or open declarations
of love.
What do you want me to say?
Just be nice!
Can you be nice?
Why you getting angry?
I'm not getting angry!
Do I look angry?
-Yes.
A-and just be yourself,
but, you know, like...
a little bit more formal.
Like you're interviewing
for, like, the presidency.
Um...
At least this boy is Indian.
[doorbell chimes]
Uh, Mom, uh, Dad,
this is--
Jay Kurundkar.
It's really nice
to meet you.
[mutters] Oh, God.
Oh! No, no! It's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
Bless you.
[Jay sighs]
Did he just touch your feet?
[show theme plays]
A bitch need
some warmth at night,
and it's nothin'
but a nice, sexy dick, Daddy,
to keep a bitch warm.
Um, I'm sorry,
the things I said earlier--
We played this gay TV for you.
[hushed] My parents really like
watching gay channels
so that they can try
to understand me better.
Sometimes you don't have
to be a fairytale prince.
Sometimes you can just be
that 5'5"
Italian guy from New Jersey.
It's crazy, but that twink
came into the hospital.
I was so starstruck.
Wow.
Yeah.
He-- he didn't make it.
[musical flourish plays]
Why are you having
a heart attack?
You would've had
a heart attack if I did this.
No. No such thing.
We are the most
open-minded parents.
[scoffing] That is insane.
You would've never
let me do this.
[Megha] You know,
your attitude...
Your brother is happy.
-Such a double standard.
Naveen! Naveen?
Uh, yeah, coming.
I'll be right back.
Uh, yeah, coming,
coming, coming.
Uh, yes?
Do you know if your friend
will take sugar in the chai?
-Uh, yeah, I think so.
-Okay.
Make sure to ask
if he wants
white sugar or brown sugar.
He seems a little confused.
Oh, that's very clever.
Oh, my god, I'm just saying,
that's a surprise.
What, that he's white?
Didn't Manish tell you?
How would Manish know?
We ran into him.
Wait, he didn't say?
No.
Then why were you calling me?
Doesn't matter.
[clock ticking]
[clock strikes]
I...
love the photo.
Thank you.
Yeah. All the Indians do it.
[Jay] It's so great--
creating a family of your own.
Well, isn't that just
why we're all alive?
So, Jay, where are you from?
Long story--
kind of all over.
It took me a while to figure out
where I belonged.
It turns out, it was here.
[Naveen chuckles]
My parents' house?
-Tsk!
-No.
Well, I meant the city,
but this-this, uh, this house
is great too.
So, sorry,
where's your family?
-Arundhathi...
-What? I'm taking an interest.
It's okay.
[deep breath]
My parents both passed away
a few years ago.
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
That's awful.
No! I mean, it was awful
that they died, but...
they were older
when they adopted me,
so it was not a, you know...
That makes so much sense...
and is one
of the many things
that would have been
nice to know about you
before I made
an ass of myself.
-Sorry?
-Nothing.
Naveen didn't tell us
that you were white.
[Megha] Archit!
-Really?
-Dad, do you...
um, do you really
think that-that's important?
We think it's wonderful
that you're white.
Oh, my god.
-Seriously?
-What?
No, I'm just glad our mother
is being so wonderful
and liberal,
and an open-minded soul,
welcoming my brother's
new lover.
No, we can just say
"boyfriend."
We don't have to say...
It's j-- it's j...
It's "boyfriend."
Welcome into our home.
Wow! Oh, my god.
Let's just start planning
the wedding now.
I was kidding.
What, are you engaged
or something?
No! Uh...
Well, uh, well, uh, I mean,
we've just, uh,
we've just talked about it,
that's...
-Oh... my.
-Wow!
Can you point me
to the bathroom?
[Archit]
Yep. Uh, please go straight.
To your right.
[exhaling deeply]
[Archit slurping loudly]
[Archit burps]
[speaking in Hindi]
For-- for real?
No. I obviously
wouldn't get engaged
before a family meeting.
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, oh, my god.
We're just trying to catch up.
This is psychotic!
I-If I were to get engaged
to some tatted-up white dude
before you even met him,
you would have thrown me
out of the house!
-Keep your voice down!
-This is so damn unfair!
Where were you guys
eight years ago?
What do you mean?
Yeah, what does that mean?
Nothing. Excuse me.
Where are you going?
-[speaking in Hindi]
Hey!
-Oh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey, Naveen,
what was that on his arm?
Sorry.
It's a tattoo of, uh, Ganesh.
Our Ganesh Bhagvan?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-He did that for you?
-What?
-He did it for us?
-Why would you think--
-[footsteps]
Oh, Jay! Come, come. Come.
Have a seat.
Have a seat.
So, Jay... what do you do?
I'm a freelance photographer.
No! For a living.
[Megha speaking in Hindi]
[Archit speaking in Hindi]
Guys...
Dad?
[continuing in Hindi]
Jay speaks Hindi!
[quietly] Uh...
so something really,
really fun about Jay
is that he can speak Hindi.
I understand
better than I speak.
Jay, would you like
to stay for dinner?
[breathing deeply]
[]
Weed!
[slowly] Queer...
art...
-Uh...
-...is really my, um, passion.
Normal art
is queer art.
Yeah, it's all...
I mean, I guess
everything is kind of queer.
Yeah, it's commercial--
commercial, financial.
Yeah. And, uh...
Robert Mapplethorpe,
I don't know
if you've heard of him?
He's, um...
Yeah, there's this great book,
it's called--
[Megha]
Come, come, Chumki, come!
Jay is staying for dinner.
Good.
I'm... sure he's hungry.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Ooh, Mom...
you might not want to go in
the bathroom for a little while.
Why? What? Jay,
are you not feeling well?
I think we are
out of Imodium.
I'm so sorry.
It shouldn't leave an odor.
-Mm.
-Well, that's not my experience.
Is this a new thing
of yours too?
Do you partake?
Arundhathi!
What are you two
talking about?
I'm so sorry.
-Pot, Mom!
-What?
Yeah, he was smoking pot.
I found the cartridge
in the trash.
-My towels!
-Ganja?
I'm sorry, I was trying to say
that it's a vape,
so it shouldn't leave a smell.
I can show you--
-Not now!
Um, uh, Jay, uh...
doesn't usually do this.
Well... that's not true.
Could you not,
for a second?
I'm sorry,
I just feel like your policy
of lying to them
about everything
isn't really working out.
[Arundhathi]
Mm, he does has a point.
Would you shut the fuck up?
-Naveen!
-I should go.
No, not now.
You leaving so soon?
Uncle, Auntie,
thank you
for your hospitality.
Jay. Jay! Hang on.
[]
[door opens]
[Naveen] Jay, wait!
Jay, where are you going?
Naveen, you should be
with your family.
Jay!
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[car engine starts]
[car drives away]
[door bangs]
I can't believe
you just did that.
Me? You're blaming me?
After that ridiculous show
you just put on?
Oh, okay.
That's ridiculous.
Fine, you must as well
just call me a fag.
It'll be faster.
Screw you.
Hey, your sister
is not bigot.
Oh, oh! That's rich.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, Dad,
that you won't say
what actually bothers you
about this whole situation,
because me being gay
makes you uncomfortable.
I love him.
He makes me happy.
Isn't that all that matters?
Since when does that matter
to anyone in this house?
[Archit] Excuse me?
Seriously, what is going on
with you today?
[plates clattering]
Is it hormones?
Archit!
Get her a support pillow!
[Archit] We don't have
a support pillow.
I can't believe
you picked today to drop this.
What is that supposed to mean?
That you hate
when it's not all about you,
and your perfect house
and your perfect husband--
My life is not perfect!
Oh, did you ever think
that maybe I just want a family,
just like you?
For fuck's sake,
I'm not pregnant!
I'm leaving Manish!
What?
I'm getting divorced.
[she sighs]
Arundhathi, I...
You know...
you could've
answered my call.
[]
[door opening]
[Naveen] What are you doing?
I can't find my saffron.
You're packing?
That seems a bit dramatic,
don't you think?
[Jay] I'm not being dramatic.
Oh, right, because
you're typically very grounded.
[sighs wearily]
This was always a bad idea.
What does that mean?
I should have known
from the start.
I saw you...
the way that you squirmed
when I started singing.
I should've known then.
Known what?
That you're ashamed of me.
Ashamed of yourself, actually.
I'm not ashamed of myself.
Naveen...
you move
through public spaces
like your existence
is an inconvenience,
and you're very sorry
to have caused anyone
to notice you at all.
There it is.
Oh, yeah, wouldn't want
to leave that behind.
[Jay] You know how much
saffron costs?
No, Jay. I don't.
[Jay sighs]
You know how I got
that scar from my foster dad?
He found me playing
with my mom's shoes.
[sighing wearily]
I've been rejected
by enough families
to know
when it's time to move on.
Jay...
if you think I'm going to make
some big speech to stop you,
then you're wrong.
I know.
I'm the dramatic one.
[]
[]
[Paul exhales]
All right,
while you were wifed up,
I was out there,
playing the game,
and let me tell you, sweetie,
the game has changed.
Little soon for that.
We're still off carbs,
but dairy's cool again.
"No" to apps,
but "yes" to sex parties.
-Yeah. I--
-No running!
Gays don't run,
but we're allowed to skip.
You know what's out?
Big dicks.
Big dicks were totally '90s.
Paul, we're at the hospital.
We're into tiny little
modest dicks now.
-[text alert chimes]
-Um, back on cord phones.
You know?
We're back on this thing.
We're twirling the cord,
twirling the cord, twirling th--
What?
Just Jay letting me know
he left his keys under the mat.
Okay, we're definitely
going out tonight.
Paul, I'm not going out.
Yes, we are!
-Paul, I'm not going out.
-I went online
to that website
that's now on the Dark Web--
Man, I love going out!
Yeah, me too, buddy.
I love going out.
Oh, yeah. Good, good.
We're in
Sex and the City, bitch!
Hey.
I used the key you gave Mom.
How many secret boyfriends
do you have?
-No.
-No. Absolutely not.
-No, I know too much.
-Woof. No. [laughs]
-[horn honks]
-All right, my Uber's waiting,
so you're up, sis.
See you later.
[Naveen] Don't leave me.
[Paul] No, it's okay.
[Naveen] She's so mean.
[Paul] Figure it out. Bye.
Bye!
Are you drunk?
No. Are you a ghost?
I've been waiting all night.
I thought you were staying
at Mom and Dad's.
Yeah, well...
some things were said,
some feelings were hurt.
Felt like
we could use some space, so...
Where's Jay?
Well, I guess
if your relationship
was that fragile,
maybe I did you a favour.
God, I can't imagine
why you're getting a divorce.
Sorry. Too soon?
I'm...
sorry.
[door closing]
[birds singing]
Everything hurts.
How much did
you drink last night?
Four... appletinis.
Why are you getting a divorce?
Geez, Naveen.
Literally everyone
wants to know.
[she sighs]
A month ago, um...
Manish and I were
watching Project Runway,
and Heidi Klum was wearing
this black sheath dress.
Manish was being honoured
at some gala,
and I asked him
if I should wear
the same dress.
And he said...
"I don't care what you wear,
just as long as you show up."
How... dare he?
Naveen,
he doesn't--
he doesn't look at me.
And I can't even
get mad about it,
because I don't
look at him either.
Manish and I
didn't find each other.
Our mothers introduced us,
which is,
scientifically,
the least horny way
two people can meet.
You guys went on a blind date.
You're acting as if
they sold you off,
like some kind of child bride.
The expectations
were clear.
Well... so what?
Mom and Dad met, like,
at their wedding,
and they're basically great.
[Arundhathi] You think?
What? They are.
Do you know
what Mom said to me?
"There's more to a relationship
than passion.
You just have to adjust."
Like... I-I'm sorry,
I'm not gonna keep living
in a loveless marriage
just because that's
what she decided to do.
[she sighs]
I'm sorry
I torpedoed your relationship.
You did...
yeah, mm, you torpedoed it
pretty good.
I have nothing against
a boy who took you to DDLJ
on your first date.
Mm.
Have you... not told him
how you used to watch it
over and over again
until the VHS stopped working?
No.
Why not?
Because it's an absurd movie.
You cried
every time you watched it.
Yeah, so did you.
Then I got arranged
to a stranger.
But you kind of have
what SRK and Kajol have.
That thing...
that DDLJ thing
where you look at him
and you hear music.
What are you talking about?
I saw him touch your hair.
It was the sweetest thing.
He touched my hair,
so we should get married?
Oh, I never said that!
I never said anything to you
about music.
Are you telling me
I'm wrong?
What do I know?
I've never heard music myself.
But if I had
what you had...
What?
Something real.
[birdsong]
[]
[flags rustling]
[]
[Naveen] So then
he just found his saffron
and... and left.
So, any thoughts...
[sighing]
I know I'm probably not
supposed to say this,
but...
[whispering]
...you're my favourite one.
I just think you're great.
I'm a really big fan.
So, really, any kind of advice
or...
...any sign would work.
[man rings bell]
[]
[bell ringing]
[]
I really don't feel
like watching a movie right now.
Well, art heals.
Especially Fellini.
[]
What's going on?
This is DDLJ.
I can't watch this right now.
Hey, Jay, can you
just not talk?
Why are you showing this to me?
I'm not.
This is just what came up.
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
[]
What?
[theme swells]
[laughing]
Tujhe dekha
to ye janaa sanam
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
Jay Kurundkar...
I have historically hated
making dramatic displays.
I find them mortifying.
Isn't this mortifying?
[Jay laughing]
But this is something
I need to say
as loudly as possible.
You are beautiful,
you are wise,
and you are brave...
...and I'm lost without you.
[theme music swells]
[]
[film stops]
[]
[floorboards creaking]
Go!
Go.
[]
[sighing]
What are you doing?
That depends...
is it working?
[sighing]
It might be.
In that case...
I'm asking you again,
in a very dramatic way...
for a second time...
...if you'd marry me.
What about your family?
I love you.
I won't do this
without them.
I know.
I love you too.
[]
[]
[clock ticking]
Archit, say something.
What?
[Megha] Tell them
you're happy for them.
[Archit]
I am happy for them.
We're so happy for you.
Thanks, Mom.
Dad, I was, uh, wondering
if, uh you would
ask Pandit Kumar to officiate.
"Officiate"?
The... wedding?
Uh, you want Pandit Kumar
to do your wedding?
As opposed to...?
We thought you would want
a more gay wedding.
A gay wedding?
Yeah, you know, like where
you wear matching suits,
and we are in a fancy barn,
and one of your friends
becomes an Internet priest...
No, no.
We want an Indian wedding.
Still gay, though.
So, which one of you
is the bride?
-Oh, Dad--
-Yeah.
That-that's not how it works.
Do we have to give you away?
Or does someone else
give him away?
That tradition is messed up.
I mean, technically,
we gave Arundhathi away
to Manish's parents?
We tried.
[Megha] Archit!
Forget about
the giving-away thing.
But what about the dance?
At Arundhathi's wedding,
the groom and his family
welcomed her with a dance.
But with two grooms...
Well, that's easy.
My parents aren't here,
so I'd be more than happy
to watch you all dance for me.
Uh, isn't that a little...
What, gay?
Loud.
Loud? It's an Indian wedding!
You don't have to shout.
It's fine.
[]
[Megha] So? Are you gonna
say something?
[Archit] What is there to say?
[she sighs]
Sometimes,
after all these years,
I just don't know you.
[Archit] You know me.
And you're thinking
the same as me.
Deep down.
I'm not! I'm not.
[footsteps receding]
Are you
paying attention, Archit?
[Archit] Yes.
First thing-- invitations.
Naveen, show Jay the one
we made for Arundhathi.
Oh... okay. Um...
Wow!
This album makes me
so emotional.
It was $2,300
for the outfit alone.
Such a waste.
Anyway,
do you like the invite?
Um, actually, we were planning
on sending an email.
An email?
We just thought
we'd save some trees.
No trees need to be saved!
We have to send a proper
printed invitation
that come
from your father and me,
like we did for Arundhathi.
[Archit]
Because it worked out so well.
I'm right here.
[Magna] And you should be
with Manish, adjusting.
Stop telling me to adjust.
You can't adjust your way
into loving someone.
Oh! You want true love?
You want a fairytale,
you want flowers,
you want music.
In real life,
you have to adjust!
Look how much I'm adjusting!
I love paper invites.
[Megha] Thank you.
And you should
respect the traditions
you're about
to enter into.
Mom, a day ago,
you told me to get married
by an Internet priest.
Oh, why you have to be
so technical?
[]
Madam,
thank you for entrusting me
with this homo wedding.
This is the wedding planner?
Uh, I thought we said
no more barns.
Oh! Okay. No, no.
We're open to it.
We're open to it.
Of course, Master Ji.
We are so lucky
to have you planning it.
You're always so booked
and busy.
It is all good!
Love is love.
And money is money.
[phone rings]
[speaking in Hindi]
Are we sure about this guy?
He's perfect.
Look at him yell.
[beep]
So, which one is the bride?
The dance floor will be here.
You ready to shake it?
[Naveen] I don't really dance.
What is wrong with you?
Master Ji, this is perfect.
The space is perfect.
Good.
Let us talk dates.
We all know this is the best
venue for Indian weddings.
Lowest divorce rate,
highest spirituality
for the lowest price.
They have September 11 open.
Wonderful!
Oh, Mom, wait--
Wait? What is wrong
with September 11th?
Because of something hap--
-Oh, the terror attack?
-Yes.
Oh, September 11,
is it a discount?
-Discount?
-Yeah.
There's no discount.
We don't want that day
even if there's a discount.
We also have September 12...
-Oh, perfect!
-In six years.
No, that's--
that's way too long.
Might be good to hold off,
make sure this man
is really the one.
[Jay] What?
What?!
[Megha] Do you know
what happens in a barn?
Animals live in a barn!
You-- my son is getting married!
Why don't you understand?
You don't
have a proper ballroom
where I can
invite all my friends
and be happy with them?
You want a ballroom?
People are gonna suffocate!
-All these flowers--
-Nobody feel bad
about being in a homo wedding,
feeling homophobic.
-Get over--
-Because of the air.
Oh, my god! You stop
saying "homo" right now!
Clean, fresh air.
[Megha] You think I'm scared
of throwing a big wedding?
You think the Gavaskars
cannot have a big wedding?
-You want big wedding?
-Yes.
We can get the Thunderbirds
to fly over
and spray queer colours.
Can put the soundtrack...
She loves you so much.
I know.
[Ji]...to look
at the surroundings anyway.
[Megha] Do you realize
that my only gay son
is getting married?
[Ji] The kundlis say
that this is the best venue--
[Megha] You told Marie
about my son's community.
Why didn't you come in?
[chuckling]
I would have been in the way.
Are you all done?
Hmm, is your mother
riding with Jay?
Dad, you know,
for a second there,
I couldn't remember
why I even wanted
any of this anymore,
but there's a difference
between not wanting something
and being afraid
to want it.
Naveen?
Dad, what is the worst thing
that you think can happen?
Huh?
What, a couple
of aunties gossip?
Seriously, Dad,
what are you so afraid of?
Ungrateful children.
You just...
...decide things.
You and your sister both--
you just decide,
whatever it is you want.
You know how much say
my father gave me in my wedding?
None.
Yeah, well, maybe you're fine
in some sort of
loveless marriage
for your whole life, but--
Is that what you think?
Of your mother and I?
I'm gonna ride
with Mom and Jay.
We'll send you an invite,
but no obligation to attend.
[door closes]
[footsteps recede]
[]
Thank you. Thank you.
Why are you sitting over here?
You don't need
to get in my space, please.
You go sit in your chair.
You bought that chair
for yourself, right?
That ridiculous chair.
You go there.
[clock strikes]
What? Why you looking at me?
I'm very tired.
I'm going to head up to bed.
[singing quietly]
[continues singing
as he departs]
[]
[]
You found this guy
on Craigslist?
Instagram.
His ad said
assembling furniture
was his passion.
[door opening]
-Mom!
Hey?
Don't "Hey, Mom" me!
And you!
What did you say
to your father?
What?
He's extremely upset!
Good.
"Good"?
When did you become like this?
What, brave?
Disrespectful!
Sitting like that
while your mom
is still standing!
I tried, okay?
I really tried.
You know how much.
See, this is the problem
with the two of you.
You both think
we are the enemy.
Do you know that
when you even
prick your finger, we bleed?
Excuse me, Ma'am?
Would you like
something to sit on?
Who are you?
Where is your shirt?
-He doesn't work with a shirt.
-No, no. Nice boy.
Nice boy.
I'm good. Thank you. No. No.
[Arundhathi]
She's fine.
Do you have any idea
what the last six years
have been like for us?
You just announce
that you're gay,
and you take off.
You go off
to live your own life.
I don't know anything about
you or your relationships,
nothing,
and then you come back
with this boy
who we don't know
anything about,
and you just announce
that you're engaged?
Twice?
How do you expect
your father to react?
And I've been
indulging you so much
out of fear!
I'm so scared that if I say
one wrong word to you,
you're just gonna
cut us off your life forever!
Mom, I would never--
I have to go.
And you!
You're wasting your time
in this room with one chair.
[footsteps receding]
[door opens]
All we have is each other!
[door closes]
[]
[]
[sizzling]
[knocking]
Hey, Uncle.
-Ah.
-Megha sent me in.
Come in.
Is everything okay?
I got your message.
I thought
we can have a little chat.
Are you making korma?
Ah.
Can I help?
No, no, no. No. I'm okay.
Do you ever try making this
with dates, Uncle?
Why would I do that?
That is just odd.
It's actually
a wonderful flavour.
Then you should make something
which is supposed
to have dates in it.
Naveen says
you've always done the cooking.
When I was a boy,
I wanted to cater weddings
for a living...
to be a cook.
Why didn't you?
When I told my father,
he gave me this.
That was a different time.
Not that different.
Naveen never told me
that story.
He doesn't know.
I think
you should tell him.
Do you know
Naveen used to paint?
See that?
[Jay] Ah.
He drew that.
[Jay] Wow.
Always surprising me...
my only son.
So much inside him.
Beautiful things...
like that.
He has...
he has good taste.
Good instincts.
[kissing]
[]
Are there dates in this?
[Archit clears his throat]
[]
[]
[Arundhathi]
You do all this,
and you hope
it lasts forever...
...and if it doesn't,
you come together
and do it all again
for someone else
anyways.
Because...
and-and I'm sorry
to be sentimental,
it's not in my nature, but...
the easiest thing
to believe in
is love.
Here, stand still.
Mom, it's fine.
It's not fine.
And you,
you should be rehearsing!
I'm all set.
He looks good, Ma.
[guests applauding]
[Pandit] Now...
the varmala.
Both our grooms
will exchange garlands
just to specify
their acceptance of each other
as spouses.
Okay.
Ooh...
Come... come on. Come on.
Aren't you the wily coyote?
[laughing]
[encouraging and teasing]
[laughter and applause]
Mangalam Bhagwan Vishnuh,
Mangalam Garunadhwajah.
[]
Mangalam Bhagwan Vishnuh,
Mangalam Garunadhwajah.
You know, I say that
all the time.
Shh!
[]
[Arundhathi] The couple vows
to remain loyal
as long as they live.
The couple vows to live
in harmony with nature.
[]
The couple vows to take care
of each other's families
as their own,
to respect their elders.
[]
The couple vows support...
to take equal care
of the relationship.
The couple vows
friendship to each other...
for this life,
and for all the lives.
[Pandit] You are now
one soul.
They're married.
Happy marry.
Oh...
[Auntie giggling]
[applause]
[]
[applause continues]
[]
[Arundhathi] They say
when you throw the rice
over your shoulder,
you're finally leaving
your parents behind forever.
Ah
But how could you,
really?
Ah
Ah
Ah
Where did Mom go?
[tapping on microphone]
Hello.
[conversations begin hushing]
[applause]
I'm Megha...
Naveen's mother.
I didn't know
your mom was speaking.
Uh...
Naveen's father and I
have been married for 35 years,
so I'm here
to offer some advice.
How much
has she had to drink?
Your mother doesn't drink.
[Megha] I didn't
meet Naveen's father
until our engagement,
so there were many things
we didn't know about each other
until after our wedding day.
I had to figure out
what this new person liked,
didn't like,
what he preferred,
didn't prefer...
Maybe she is drunk.
...what he really liked,
really didn't like,
how much,
how many times...
that's right, people.
I'm talking about
the most important thing
in any relationship...
food.
-[laughter]
-Oh!
Oh, my god! She got me.
-[laughter]
-[relieved sigh]
I was so nervous.
I had never done it
before marriage...
Oh, my god.
...the cooking.
-Oh, my god.
-No. I can't do this.
This is worse than coming out.
I tried making him idlis
for our first breakfast.
It came out like idli pudding.
[chuckling]
The dosas kept breaking.
Potatoes so tough,
you could
break your teeth on them.
[laughing]
It went on like this
for a week,
and then, one night,
I woke up to this amazing aroma.
My husband was in the kitchen,
cooking an enormous feast.
Aloo paratha,
daal makhani,
navratan korma,
bhindi curry...
The poor man just couldn't
take it anymore!
He was starving.
[laughter]
He was so apologetic,
but I was so thrilled.
Afterwards, we conceived
our first child--
Arundhathi.
-Oh, shit!
-Oh, my god.
Okay. We're going there.
Arundhathi,
who gave us so much joy,
and who we love so much.
And Naveen
wasn't too far behind.
Naveen,
you were such a shy,
delicate little boy,
and I wouldn't say
I was so surprised
when you came out
to be a gay...
-[snickering]
-Wow.
-There she is.
-Okay.
...but I was scared.
I was worried
that life would be harder
for you.
I was worried
you would be lonely.
Jay...
thank you
for loving my son.
You have put my heart at ease.
Naveen and Jay,
you two have a major head start
on your father and me.
Yours might seem like
a different kind of marriage,
but if you are lucky,
in time,
the love that you have today
will seem small,
because you will see
as life goes on,
that your love
will grow and grow
and grow...
until one day you realize...
that it will never
stop growing.
[applause]
[applause continues]
Nice speech.
Thank you.
You know,
your father and I
were luckier
than I realized.
I think everyone deserves
to feel so lucky one day.
You're next, Chumki.
[Arundhathi chuckles]
Okay.
So, are you ready?
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
-Let's do this.
-Let's do this.
[background conversations]
-Go!
The mic, yeah?
[microphone squeals]
And now, everyone, be quiet!
I mean it! Be quiet!
Put it together...
because the groom's family
have arranged for
a special surprise for the...
groom!
[spotlight clicks and whooshes]
What?
[soft piano intro rises]
What's happening?
[Naveen] You know...
there's nothing gayer
than Bollywood...
Oh, my god.
...the bigness of love.
[audience cheering]
["Jalebi Baby" by Tesher plays]
Te-Te-Te-Te-Te-Te-
Te-Te-Te-Tesher
Eh!
[cheering]
Mithi galam kara ke
Tu na ja chada ke
Eh, I think about it
every day
Baby lookin' like
khana khajana on a plate, eh
Like mithai, like kulfi
Ras milai, pisata barfis
Saradia vica garami lagadi
Jada vi tu mere
raha vicom caladi
-I know that you wanna
-Okay!
Get crazy, crazy
Shawty take it slow
Then cheti, cheti
Bana ja tu meri
Jalebi baby
Hey!
- [guests cheering]
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
-What is going on?
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Oh, I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi
Jalebi, I
I know the things
The things that you like
[cheering]
[]
[laughing]
Oh, baby, let me see it
Slay, mama.
Oh!
[]
Yeah
Hey! Tell me how you feel
Oh, the dad's involved.
Movie star
Doin' it for reels
Lookin' like a snack
Lookin' like a whole meal
Gucci and Chanel
Wit' yer red-bottom heels
Ice drip like pani
Bana ja tu meri rani
Oh, my god, he's vogueing!
She my divani masatani
Light it up, living every day
like it's Diwali
Young Tesher, young Shahrukh
I'm at every party
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Oh, I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
[]
Jalebi, aye
I know the things
The things that you like
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
Know I really need it
Jalebi baby
Oh, baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi, oh
[]
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi baby
I just wanna eat it
Jalebi baby
Baby, let me see it
Jalebi, oh
[bell ringing]
["Sage" by Ritviz plays]
Sage
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab-sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Bistar adhoori
toh kaise soye jaana?
Bistar adhoori
lo-lo-lori sunana
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Kabhi-kabhi
toh humse ghabrana
Sabhi-sabhi
ko tum hi samjhana
Abhi-abhi
toh humne hi jaana
Tu kaynat na-na
Kaynat ah-ah
Kaynat, ha, ha Kaynat
Kaynat
Kaynat, Kaynat
Ha, ha Kaynat
Kaynat
Lori sunana
Dil ki dhadkan si
toh aaye jaana
Humri sab-sab ki
ho jaaye ya na
Bistar adhoori
toh kaise soye jaana?
Bistar adhoori
lo-lo-lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
Lori sunana
[]