A Night at the Kindergarten (2022) Movie Script
People don't realize
how much responsibility is involved.
They breed and push these monsters
out into the world,
and then their little spawn
wanders around without purpose.
This kid'll land on his face.
His legs are already shaking.
- His mom's not even looking.
- Yeah.
Her kid's fighting for his life,
and she's looking for a dad on Tinder.
If he doesn't go ass over tit
in 30 seconds, I'm paying double.
- Huh?
- Huh.
- Mom!
- Yeah!
Ow!
Jesus. Wait!
What's up?
Hey, man.
There's this one day
Very warm, yet in December
A day, a casual day
On which conflicts are not remembered
There's this one day
On which joy awaits us all
It is a day
We all know since we were born
From Earth to Heaven
From Heaven to Earth
Everyone sends greetings
Back and forth
Trees to birds
Birds to trees
Snowflakes dance in the wind
With ease...
There's this one day...
We spend together without a fuss
A day, a beautiful day...
Hey, Tytus.
You can give him his dinner
around seven tonight.
You're not gonna believe
what happened.
I got free weed today.
What? He knows what it means.
There are different kinds of weeds.
No, you're completely hopeless.
I can always predict
what's going to happen.
I'm onto you, Eryk, all right?
And this?
Don't.
All you had to do was pick him up.
I forgot. I'm sorry.
- Time passes differently for me.
- Mmm, I've realized.
You angry or what?
I don't know. Do I look it?
Yeah, you are.
Today, four people died on my shift,
and yet you've pissed me off the most.
And on top of that, The Ray of Sunshine
has a Parents' Committee meeting tonight.
I'm sure they're gonna talk about Tytus.
And, of course, I can't make it again.
All of the parents hate him.
I mean, the look they gave me
when they found out I was the only one
who didn't have to pay tuition.
Or after Tytus had stuffed a sausage
up a girl's nose.
Or when he took a dead pigeon
in his backpack to school.
Was it the whole sausage?
- Look, I fucked up, all right?
- Hey! Watch it.
Boom!
- So what? You were swearing a second ago.
- Yeah, except I was facing the wall.
- It's different.
- But the sound still bounces off the wall.
All right.
I fucked up.
I'll go to that meeting tonight for you.
WELCOME
Mmm... no.
I have to get back to the hospital,
and somebody has to stay with him.
And plus, you wouldn't
feel comfortable among adults.
Be good, honey.
I'll see you later.
Bye.
Bye.
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE KINDERGARTEN
What've you got there?
Tytus?
Those are my headphones, pal.
They're expensive.
If you break them, you're buying new ones.
Tytus...
No drawing on the walls!
Fucking great.
Hey, man, listen.
Um, can you do me a favor?
- What's up?
- There's something I have to get to.
You want me to stay with that little shit?
NIGHT IN THE KINDERGARTEN
You know there's more to it
than that, though, of course.
This decision wasn't an easy one.
They never are.
But I've run out of options.
As you know,
your ideas didn't work out in the end.
We can't do this.
It's too rushed.
- The potential consequences for the child...
- There's more than one child.
- We need to think about him.
- Your opinion is one of many.
And the issue is too important
for us to...
- Hey.
- Good evening.
- Hey, I'm, uh...
- You're dating Dorota. Eryk?
- Uh, yeah, how did you know?
- Her Insta.
She only posts a few photos,
and you're in one of them.
And you were hugging.
So it must be serious, right?
Well, I hope so, yeah.
You're at a parents' meeting
at her son's kindergarten.
So it's definitely serious.
- My name is Justyna.
- Hey.
I'm head of the Parents' Committee
here at Sunshine.
- How about you?
- I'm the director here.
The meeting is this way.
Hey, everyone!
- This is Eryk.
- Hey, Eryk.
- Hi, Eryk.
- Hi.
Where's your enthusiasm?
- Everyone, "Hi, Eryk"!
- Hi, Eryk!
- Hey!
- Hi, Eryk.
All right.
Since Eryk's new here,
how about everyone shares
a thing or two about them?
Oh fuck. You serious, though?
Excuse me. Sorry.
Um, we have one rule here.
No swearing. It's a bad habit,
which we transfer to our children,
whose natural lexicon
will get contaminated from us.
Right, that makes sense.
Uh, so then, I'm Eryk.
That's one thing about me.
- Dorota and I are dating.
- Mmm.
- Or no.
- I mean, we're partners.
Uh, I'm a...
I'm a sound engineer, and... and let's say...
You could say I'm Tytus's stepfather.
Mmm.
That was a second thing about me.
Bang!
Well, look. Since I'm twice as old,
then can I say double?
- No.
- Mmm.
Um, Tadeusz.
- Hey, Tadeusz.
- Hi, hi.
And, of course,
we're parents here, both of us.
Yes, to Anka.
And Gawe.
We met each other here.
So you know how it is.
My son is Paweek. He's a good swimmer.
- Plus, he's advanced.
- Well...
And he would like a puppy,
but I have to think about it.
We're seeing each other.
Just... in the kindergarten, right?
- He's single, and so am I.
- Yeah, that's what I meant.
Yeah, I'm single.
I've done too many
reckless things in my life
to just sum it up in two sentences.
Oh, and my husband took him go-karting.
But enough about me.
Hey, I'm Hamza.
My name is Kazimierz.
Four of my children
have been students here.
And now, so is my son Daniel.
Daniel has Down syndrome,
and I bring him up like he doesn't.
That's honorable.
Pardon?
No, it's super.
- Uh, I'm...
- Let's begin.
Before we move on
to the main event,
which is the long awaited Nativity play,
there's one more issue
I'd like us to discuss.
And that's the toilets.
Uh, we owe a big thank you to Kazimierz
for sponsoring the self-flushing toilets.
- As you all know.
- It was no problem.
However, I know that some parents
find a problem with them,
as they don't teach children independence.
Who? Who has a problem?
Paweek sometimes doesn't poop
for a week, for example.
- Get wheat bran. That's the key.
- With all due respect, it's stupid.
Kids should know
how to flush on their own.
If they don't learn...
Hamza.
...they'll never know how.
Hamza!
- Hmm?
- Please look at me when we're speaking.
Often, their stool would float
for up to three hours. It's unhealthy.
As a nutritionist and personal coach,
I'd like to mention that excreting
is often more crucial than eating even is.
Let's focus, please.
I know that what I did was a good thing
for the children. Objectively.
Now just a minute. Hold on.
Everyone appreciates
what you did for the children. Don't we?
Let's all thank him. Thank you, Kazimierz.
- Yeah.
- We mean that.
Sure, thanks.
The thing is, you didn't follow
the protocol we have. We didn't vote.
Because it was already 7:15 p.m.
so I knew that if we started voting,
you'd all just start yapping again.
When I wanted
a real spruce Christmas tree,
you said it was against eco-logic.
And then, plus the emblem...
I still think we should vote
because we all have a say in what happens.
This classroom isn't your home.
We're a community.
Yeah, this is insane.
YES
Buh-bye toilets.
"Yes."
This one just says, "Poop."
I assume that's a "no"?
So another against.
No to toilets.
"No."
Oh. "Yes."
And...
"Yes, keep them."
So, it's a draw.
I'm glad we had this vote tonight.
Really. Pluralism has won today.
Kazimierz, excuse me for a second.
Uh, Eryk?
- Hmm?
- You like the snacks?
Dorota authorized you being here
on her behalf.
- Well, something like that.
- Well...
- That means that we have one more vote.
- The man doesn't even have any kids.
Kaziu, Kaziu, Kaziu
Just relax
Eryk is Tytus' stepfather. So, I mean,
it's almost the same thing, isn't it?
Just the word's difference.
Let's make it simple.
Is he for or against having shit?
Your language. Language.
It's a philosophical question, isn't it?
'Cause, I mean, is it better for someone
to be raised with convenience or without?
Hmm.
'Cause, for me,
I grew up in a tower-block estate.
I shared a bedroom with three siblings.
Um, but I turned out just fine,
didn't I?
Yeah.
And look, sometimes I wish someone
would flush my toilet, to be honest.
But since the vote is Dorota's,
and it isn't really yours...
No, yeah.
No. I mean, she has other priorities.
Uh, so, unfortunately...
I gotta vote against keeping the toilets
for the classroom.
Hey, hey! Hey,Eryk! Eryk, Eryk!
Don't worry about it.
He always gets edgy at these things.
You'll get used to it. Hmm?
- No, thanks.
- No?
Yeah, I better get going. So, thanks.
Ah, no, wait a minute!
It's a pity because...
I mean, you could say that one needs
a bit of alcohol for these things.
Pity-boom. Psh!
Tadeusz, don't encourage him.
Every meeting he brings his flask.
One day, I'll get to have a drink in here.
So, we're done, right?
You're done, yes.
But we're still preparing the play.
Nobody felt like rehearsing before,
so we're staying till it's perfect.
We've got it.
We sadly don't have
a role for you.
Unless you want to be a tree or something.
Or a snowflake.
That's okay. But thanks.
I came here just to show I care.
So if, I mean, you could all put in
a good word with Dorota,
tell her that I'm responsible,
it would be great.
'Cause with Tytus...
Mmm, well, I mean, she does a lot for him.
Mmm. We will.
Well...
See ya!
Hey, and cool hat, Tadeusz!
Oh, uh, thank you, Eryk.
Lucky, can I dip out too?
MUSICLAND
I'm a nutritionist. I need to weigh myself
after every time I use the bathroom.
- See ya.
- Bye.
PEELAND
I was afraid
the jerk would stay.
Then we would've had a real problem.
- How are we going to handle it?
- About that...
I don't want to vote before rehearsal.
We'll wait.
I want to talk to everyone individually.
I can't just approach Tadeusz or Sandra
and tell them that Tytus is a prick.
We need a subtler approach.
But I hope everyone understands
the real problem.
We need to get rid of that kid,
and it has to be today.
Or else, sooner or later,
he'll kill someone.
Remember to flush,
young explorer!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hey.
Come on, pick up!
Answer, for fuck's sake!
- Is it really that bad?
- Fuck, I'm just, uh...
Take it easy. Don't worry. It's normal.
Everyone reacts like that
after talking to these people.
Last week, some woman came at me
'cause her kid learned
the word "douchebag."
She'd be shocked
what other words he knows.
Justyna said, in there...
that she wants Tytus
to get kicked out of school, miss.
Right. Look.
Can we be a little less formal here?
- I'm Baka.
- Eryk.
So now you know.
This morning, she, uh...
I wish I could say that she asked me, but...
she never does.
She only ever informs.
Our Ms. Justyna.
And she'd be able to if she convinces
majority of the committee.
Even if it's a total shit move...
she can expel Tytus.
But that's just life, you know?
- Miss, I need your help,
- Drop the "miss," okay?
Yeah, all right. Listen, I need your help.
It has to be illegal.
There has to be some rules
'cause she can't...
We have to fight it. Look, miss...
- Look, are you the director or not?
- Eryk.
Forget about it.
It's Ray of Sunshine.
AAH IT'SDOROTA
SORRY, CAN'T TALK. YOU GUYS OK?
YES!
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
OUR PARENTS' COMMITTEE
What exactly
are you inviting us to?
My New Year's Eve party.
I even made a Facebook event. It's...
Kasimierz, I've told you a hundred times
not to bring a gun. There's children here.
I have a permit.
You'll be thanking me one of these days.
- Besides, it's not loaded.
- You guys see the event?
You guys will come to the party, right?
Uh, Tadeusz, no. We can't make it.
We'll be spending Christmas with the kids.
It'll be our first trip together. Livigno.
It's such a hectic time.
I hope you understand.
Yeah, of course.
But if this all keeps up, there's...
There'll be no party
'cause Hamza's working.
Justyna...
I'm a single mom, my dear.
We're always busy.
Hey, I'll be there.
Guess I'll need
to just call the whole thing off.
So much potential for conversation.
Plus, Eryk has joined us.
Pretty nice guy, huh?
He's one nice piece of ass.
He can totally join us.
Yeah, he seems great.
Oh. Oh,Eryk!
We've just been talking about you.
Really? I hope you've been saying
only good things about me.
I was on my way home, and, uh...
Well, all I could think of was the play.
Yeah.
I was thinking that...
Well, if I don't at least play
a tree or something,
I would never forgive myself.
Krystyna,
surely you can find a little role
for our lost wanderer over there, huh?
Uh...
Ah! Yeah, I've just... I mean, maybe, yeah.
The thing is,
she's finished the script already.
- Joseph.
- What's that?
I've been
saying this for weeks.
Our play is incomplete
without Joseph there.
We have Mary and Jesus,
the Wise Men, and a sheep even.
A donkey...
So we should really have Joseph.
The theme of the play
is "A mother's role."
Mary is constantly being omitted.
She pushed the brat out of her womb,
and then what?
Let the men handle the rest?
Anyway, Joseph made no contribution
to the creation of Jesus.
- That's 'cause there was no...
- Yeah...
Justyna, look, I think...
It'd be best if we made sure
that we weren't confusing the kids here.
There's always a Joseph in the stable.
They even give him a... a halo in pictures.
Mmm.
He's been depicted that way
since the 14th century.
So, it's fitting.
Let him do it.
Such a good look like his
can't go to waste, right?
If you want, we can vote.
Who's for Joseph in the Nativity play,
as it's been for millions of years?
Voting won't be necessary.
Thank you. You can stop.
- Fine. Great. So I'm Joseph, then, right?
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- He gets lines?
Krystyna, how long
will the script rewrites take then?
I'm not sure, 'cause, um,
it took a few months to get the first...
So, an hour?
The outline of the play's
been put together in a particular way.
The Prologue and the Epilogue
rhyme together.
We're doing a dress rehearsal
at 8:00 p.m. sharp. That's in an hour.
Everything needs to be ready by then.
- Give me your scripts.
- Keep cutting the crowns.
Every child will be a king.
Tadeusz, the snow. Please, just...
It can't be in bunches.
Let it fall gradually.
Kazimierz, the stage,
build it high like a proper theater.
Kasia, Lesaw, start making costumes.
Our kids can't see us wearing rags.
Oh, and...
...I guess Joseph will need a costume.
So, listen, Justy, uh...
Let's work this out, huh?
Justyna.
Justyna.
Coffee?
Yes, please.
WORLD'S BEST DAD, LOVE
Can we talk like adults for a sec?
You want cream?
Soy milk, if there's any.
Soy?
I'm impressed.
Just don't do it today.
Not in the way you're planning.
Look, it's...
It's a little unfair, isn't it?
To do it this way, without Dorota?
Maybe... you could figure it out with her?
She and I have already spoken about it
lots of times.
And she just didn't want to listen. Hmm?
- Well, I don't know.
- Yeah.
What are they talking about
so passionately in there?
There's a lot of tension between them.
No denying it.
Aw, you simple boys.
Pretty clear, isn't it?
- Those two are screwing.
- Uh...
Justyna,
I understand your point of view,
you're a mother.
- But I think...
- Hmm?
...uh, that you need to also
see the bigger picture here.
You need to see my point of view
because, uh, to tell you the truth...
...it's pretty immature.
I can make an exception.
Super.
Hmm. I know what you're worried about.
Hmm? That it will look like you've lost.
So to protect you from all the shame,
once we expel Tytus,
I'll call Dorota
and tell her how brave you were.
And manly.
I don't want this to put a wedge
between you and her.
Especially with how hard it's all been
because you are who you are.
Deal?
Oh my...
- So clumsy, aren't I?
- Don't worry, I'll clean this up.
Why don't you go get us more thumbtacks?
They're in the supply room
in the Avocado Hall.
What did I say?
Uh, where's the Avocado Hall?
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
VAGABONDS
GLOBETROTTERS
Take that,Nativity play.
Ow!
It's childproof.
Jesus!
Miss, do you just..
- You like sneaking around?
- It's also adult-proof.
- Is this your office?
- No.
Mine isn't ready yet.
- How long have you been here?
- For four months.
And I won't let you
destroy my kindergarten.
And what am I supposed to do?
Convince them like a priest one by one?
Look, can't you... can't you declare
a bomb alert or some kind of emergency?
Hey, I told you to forget all about that.
And what are you doing?
Even if I really wanted to do something
and screw them over,
it's unethical.
You're drinking whiskey from
a third place cup won by five-year-old.
Touch.
So that's a no?
Be careful. Hey.
That's great.
Dorota won't forgive me.
She's gonna dump me.
Well, I thought this was all for Tytus.
That goes without saying, all right?
Come on.
Whatever.
- It's about the kid, you got that?
- Is it?
I'll handle it myself.
If you really want to get to them,
don't leave them with Justyna.
They shouldn't...
...be alone with her.
...and he was all red.
- Yeah.
- Oh, little Beetroot.
A little beetroot!
- Ah!
- Beetroot?
No, no, no. You... you won't get it.
It's, uh, well, a Sunshine inside joke.
- Yeah.
- A small joke.
- I'm a Sunshine parent, aren't I?
- Yeah, but, uh...
- Hold this.
- Well, you had to be there.
- It's not funny out of context.
- Come on, spill.
It is.
Uh, okay, I guess.
Well, there was this day
the kids put on a show.
It was called Market Day.
And, yeah, every kid said
what vegetable they'd be.
Well, one kid, Kamilek...
Uh, see, every kid had to make a pose
as their vegetable.
One had picked a potato,
another was a carrot...
It was his turn,
and Kamilek had picked a beetroot.
That's what he chose.
- Lesaw, make the Beetroot pose, huh?
- No, don't!
I should really stretch first,
but, uh...
And then little Kamilek shouted out,
"Hey, look at me. I'm a Beetroot."
- Ah.
- And he farted.
Okay. Sure.
The kid farted.
That must've been pretty funny.
Come on.
Like I said, you'd have to be there.
But he turned red, and since then,
he's been Beetroot.
Eryk?
Do you have those thumbtacks
I asked you for?
- About that. There weren't any.
- Hmm? No?
I guess we'll just have to use
the bad pins, I'm afraid.
- Jesus!
- Is everything okay?
Things around here are falling apart.
Hamza, what the fuck?
Watch your language!
What, I can't express this in the language
of our fucking forefathers?
Hamza, it was uneven.
I mean, I fu... Fell down.
Indeed, you did.
We'll also need some face paint
for the play, okay?
Hmm? Think you'll be able to manage?
The third door past the bathrooms...
No, no, no, sweetie. He, uh...
Where... where are you sending him?
Better listen to Tadeusz for now.
It's perfect. Seriously.
- Here, have some, sweetheart.
- I'm a little relieved.
I'm glad another music lover
has turned up in the kindergarten.
I mean, the sheep
is almost as important as Mary.
Because, between you and me,
my music always just spills out.
- You know, I was one of the Bards.
- Huh?
You want one?
The Bards.
Kaczmarski and others.
- Wow.
- They called me the Polish Bob Dylan.
You know "Walls," right?
You're a genius, Tadeusz.
Out of modesty, I can't say I am.
You're a part
of the generation of humility.
You don't post Instagram pictures
of your fucking face all day.
That's straight enough.
You know what your worth is.
It's impressive.
I suppose, yeah.
And they don't.
Who?
The parents.
- Why is it the man who wrote "Walls"...
- Who inspired "Walls".
Tell me, why isn't he the one in charge
of the music in the school Nativity play?
Huh?
Krystyna, where are they?
Where are they? Huh? Where are they?
I'm writing.
Do you think a sheep
would say anything to Jesus, though?
Listen, maybe I'm...
- Go on, Tadek.
- No, I'm not ready yet.
Jesus will be...
- He'll be born next year as well. So I...
- You've got this, you've got this.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Tadeusz would like to present
his contribution to the performance.
Uh, and the title of the song is...
- Uh, no, there's... no title.
- There's no title.
- Jesus, are they going to sing to us?
- I have no idea.
Hit it, MC Dylan. Let's go.
Christ was born tonight
In a stable out of sight
I asked him
"Homie, what is this all about"?
He said to me
"Joy to the world in Bethlehem tonight!"
And from then on I had to start
Working it out, right?
He was born in a stable
No crib for a bed
Shh!
Keep your eyes up there and watch them.
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-wow
Scoundrels rule our state"
Politics rules our lives
My children dear
Log out of your smartphones
Let God be with ye
Mary was cradling her son
Singing to her little one
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
Dearest child of mine"
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
In your manger you'll be fine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
Dearest child of mine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
In your manger you'll be fine
Okay!
Extra.
Huh? What did you think?
Um, did you find the paint?
Yeah, I've got it.
- Great.
- Um...
I think the spectacle in our play
is what's missing.
- I mean, the so-called "fun" isn't there...
- Tadeusz!
Since Krystyna is changing the script,
I propose we add this.
To show that the birth of Christ is a...
...a fun event, right?
He has a point.
- Yeah. You liked our flow, right?
- It was different.
I want to point out another issue.
Because Christ is a historical figure.
- Here we go again.
- He is!
- Mm-hmm.
- You can't deny it either.
You can badmouth Him as much as you want,
but you can't deny His existence.
That's why I would add
a small fragment from the Bible.
- Jesus!
- Precisely.
One reading or maybe a psalm.
Kazimierz, hold on.
The timing would be better next year.
Justi! Justi! I want to propose a routine
'cause I want to dance.
- Denied.
- How about backup vocals?
We'll add something interesting.
You can't let the poor guy rap alone.
Your routine would be obscene.
That's enough of this.
So you don't trust her?
She might be right.
I'd make it shorter.
It's clear we won't be able to produce
a fully professional show.
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
I'm not making changes. That's it.
Guys, calm down.
We agreed on everything last month.
We all had our clearly set tasks.
We had time to change things.
So is something different now?
Um, listen,
don't worry about me, all right?
- 'Cause I can be anything that you want.
- There. You see?
As the youngest group member here, uh...
Well, nowadays, kids attention spans
are completely shot. They're too short.
And a dry song like that
will be cringe, you know?
They'll get bored.
We should have a bunch of stuff going on.
- Music, explosions... Boom!
- Hmm?
- I propose that we vote.
- That's right. We should all vote.
Let's not turn voting into
some kind of joke, all right?
I agree to everything.
Let's put the song in.
- Do your dance routine, Kasia.
- Yes!
And add that psalm from the Bible.
But try to make it smart.
All Bible songs are smart.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
- Fuck!
- Language! Oh, sorry. Oh no.
What happened?
I'm sorry, I forgot about them.
You mean you planned it.
Uh, Justyna...
Uh, what reason would Eryk have
to do something like that intentionally?
No, exactly.
Why would he do it on purpose?
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
Justyna!
Why don't we call it a day?
This was supposed to be special.
The kids' show and the holiday.
Back in high school, when you'd get...
...wound up,
it ended really badly for you
every single time.
Uh...
So Justyna's a little uptight,
isn't she?
She have a problem or what?
She beat cancer.
She's a wonderful mother
and a very strong woman.
On top of that, she was a single mother
through the whole thing.
CANCER WITH YOU
BLESSING IN DISGUISE
TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT CANCER
I'VE WON. WHAT NOW?
IT'S HARD.
WILL SHE COPE WITHOUT ME?
Oh.
Cancer's as bad as it gets.
Grabbing a bite, huh? Mmm!
Yo! Look at him,
he's such a good boy.
- Tytus, say "Yo."
- "Yo."
Yo!
Of course he's a good boy.
He's helping me roll a blunt. Aren't you?
- Fuck.
- I'm kidding.
It's just a little duct-tape, all right?
Chill.
I wouldn't give dope to a kid.
It's expensive.
Just make sure
you put him to bed on time, okay?
Or whatever.
Later.
That's it.
Goodnight, ink.
Thank you, young one.
Yeah, buddy.
Do you always bring spare dresses
for committee meetings?
A girl has to be ready for anything.
Kazik, one sec!
SPORTSLAND
You first.
Uh, Kazik, look...
I made a mistake with the toilet thing.
And I want to apologize.
You can call it group think,
or...
Or, um... Or mob mentality.
But either way...
- Don't worry about it.
- Yeah?
Fuck, man, don't!
I just had to.
I'm sorry. My bad.
I had to see your expression.
Anyway, don't mention it. I forgive you.
Well, that's great.
It was worth it just to see your face.
By the way, I have a permit.
I'm jealous.
I can help you get one if you want.
So look, uh...
You know my kid, Tytus, right?
Uh-huh.
He really means to be nice.
He's really cool.
But still, he has his problems.
Then again, what kid doesn't?
So...
Everyone deserves a second chance,
especially when it's a child.
Like Mary Magdalene was given one.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Exactly. Same thing with Barabbas...
...Pontius Pilate, and so on.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
- No, please come in.
- Now?
Come on.
We can all be adults here, can't we?
Yeah, sure we can.
- I wanted to talk about something.
- Huh?
Uh, one time Tytus walked in
on me and his mother.
Tytus. You know what's wrong with him.
We all know who he is and how he behaves.
Sure, he's a troublesome kid,
but it's not...
It's something to worry about.
And worrying is not something
we should put on our children.
Why is this place so colorful?
Because life is not colorful.
Sometimes we encounter problems.
Sometimes it's shitty.
So what? Do I give up and say,
"Yo, Tytus, you're broken goods"?
"It's over for you, man. Sorry."
You know, cancer has taught me
that sometimes it's about picking
the lesser of two evils.
And unfortunately, this is evil.
You know what some parents
will even try to say?
And, well, to me, it feels a bit...
It's just completely thoughtless.
They say some things are simply evil,
like gays or feminists.
Or premarital sex, you know?
- Totally, yeah.
- Sex...
Or that innocent kids could be evil.
It's about doing what's right.
It's about us doing what's right.
Every time.
Always. For our kids.
- Always.
- Always.
For our kids.
Always.
Done!
OUT OF INK
There's no ink.
There's no ink?
Does that mean there's no script?
Use the other printer, okay?
Ah! Oh yeah.
Oh, we have two printers?
Three, but it's an expensive kindergarten.
Sorry, I forgot that Dorota
doesn't pay for anything.
But, look, forget I said that.
Can we start rehearsing, everybody?
Once upon a time,
my dear children, both young and old,
Jesus was lying in a stable.
It was long before he had a beard.
Psst, psst.
Your beard's crooked.
Your beard's wrong.
When children lived in peace,
everybody had a mom.
And he had his own.
This was before he was put on that cross...
...and died.
Women like beards.
They make you look mature.
- Let it go already, Justyna.
- You wish.
You want to know what I wish?
To see the look on your face
when you lose.
Our Joseph and Mary had made their way
all the way over to Bethlehem.
Joseph and Mary!
Coming.
Oh, Jesus, little one.
It's challenging to be raising you
as a single mother.
I mean, on your own.
On your own.
Oh, Joseph, you're here.
I am.
But I've got a stomach ache.
Are the Wise Men bringing the myrrh?
- Myrrh is not edible, Joseph.
- Dear, Mary...
Yeah?
Why did we decide to have this kid?
He's not really yours.
You're a stepfather to him.
That's right, Joseph.
God is his real parent.
Don't you cry, little baby.
Your father is here.
- Your father, who is God.
- Oh, poor me.
I'm frightened.
Can somebody help me?
This Joseph,
he knows only how to make tables.
- When will he put food on one?
- How about we eat the sheep?
Stop improvising. You don't have lines.
I'm aware. In three pages,
I'll say my stomach hurts.
- This took you a fucking hour?
- Language!
Mary, look, every mother, even if married,
is completely alone.
- And not every boy will become Jesus.
- Oh great.
- Aw, come on, Taduesz.
- I'm sorry.
Tadeusz, do you see the problem?
Bethlehem didn't get any snow back then.
Or ever.
Yeah, I'm not doing this.
Even if Joseph isn't the real father,
the man still should be able to speak.
- And why's that?
- Because he's still raising him!
And if the Holy Spirit is the father...
Or look, even if, uh,
it was just fucking Casper,
Joseph stepped in
and he raised him as his own.
Aw. Well, that would explain
why the kid's being a douchebag.
- What did you say?
- Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
- I don't support this blasphemy.
- Come on, say it.
Oh, look, look, look, look!
See? That's what I meant!
You're right. It's clear you were right.
Eryk, look, just admit it.
You two have been acting strange
since the second that you got here.
- So you know already?
- Yeah.
- Poor Tytus is stuck in the middle.
- Right, exactly.
- Poor kid.
- So...
Look, I think it's best if we just vote.
If we vote?
No, sorry.
- You two look good together.
- What?
Look, come on.
You guys are shagging.
You... you mean him and I?
Of course.
No, sorry to let you down.
Justyna, why don't you tell them
what's going on? Hmm?
- What do you mean?
- Look.
Sorry. Hamza, can you kill the music?
So look...
My friends...
Justyna wants to get Tytus expelled.
Hmm? Just like that.
She wants him kicked out of your community
where you say every kid is important.
But I guess that only applies
to the rich ones.
Hmm?
Because that's the reason, isn't it?
Want to tell us?
'Cause everyone is listening.
The floor is yours.
- Look...
- Enough. Can we just vote?
- Krystyna, can you get the slips?
- Um, it's just that...
No, we should do an open vote.
Oh! What a great idea!
That way we can see
who you all really are.
As the Committee Head of the kindergarten,
I now put to vote the issue
of Tytus Kwiatkowski.
Those in favor
of his early winter absence...
"Absence"? Tell it like it is.
You're kicking a kid out
of a fucking kindergarten.
Please just raise your hands.
- Put your hand up.
- Okay.
Um, no.
- Excuse me, I'd like to say something.
- Who votes "yes"?
Okay.
Anyone vote "no"?
- Let me try to explain.
- No, you know what? Just save it.
Eryk, this isn't personal, all right?
It's not against you or even poor Tytus.
The boy just has problems, Eryk.
No, wait a minute.
This is ridiculous. Come on.
Maybe you can tell them 'cause I...
Look, all right? Let's please stay calm.
This isn't a decision
we should make without discussing...
Miss, with all due respect,
this is a matter for the parents.
It's about how we're doing.
And you're not a parent.
Nevertheless,
I believe that what I've experienced
with the kids in the classroom...
Okay, then. Please share with us.
Tell us whether he knows the alphabet
or how to count.
- You are pushing your limit, Justyna.
- Oh yeah?
I've been handling Tytus' case
for two months.
Tytus is starting to show some...
Slowly, though. It's been slow.
That's not enough.
Excuse me.
Tytus.
He's been really mean towards my twins.
He keeps using the others' name
on purpose.
With my Ra, he was forced to...
role-play being naked.
I understand the social grant
and what not, but I, um...
- It's not about him being poor.
- But he should listen.
- It's fucking too much.
- He calls Elifa names.
- What's he call her? An idiot?
- No, "pussy."
I counted all the swear words.
Twenty-three F-words, 13 A-words,
14 WH, and 11 C-words, the worse kind.
My son Daniel, who has Down syndrome,
as I mentioned...
Surprisingly, Tytus didn't call him names.
Instead, he drew a penis on his forehead.
He even made fun of me.
Called me, "Turdeusz."
And he gives meat to my vegetarians.
Before nap time,
he gets songs stuck in other kids' heads.
He ate a block of butter
like it was candy.
And he bites their heels!
He pretended to be Batman
so he could beat up other kids.
And he slanders Poland.
Yeah, that too.
Yeah.
- Okay, so he did some bad things.
- Yeah.
And other kids are the same. I mean,
not all of them are cute and innocent.
If you'd have judged me when I was a kid,
you'd have fucking kicked me out.
- I mean, he's five.
- Six, actually.
You know...
...my Kinga's arms are scarred.
Can you imagine
the looks the doctors give me?
It was Tytus who locked her up.
She was in there for a couple hours.
It was during aerobics.
The kids were dancing to loud music.
They couldn't...
No one heard her scream.
It wasn't...
until Krystyna picked up Paweek that...
she was found and let out.
That whole box was covered in her blood.
Maybe tomorrow, during the play,
we can honor Tytus
and have him play the angel?
- I'll add it to the script.
- Yeah?
So that he has...
nice memories at the end.
After that, he leaves.
Fucking hell!
Fuck it!
Fuck!
I have to tell you something.
No, wait.
Wait, before I lose my train of thought.
I'm sorry for attacking you before.
It's not your fault.
He's... he's not your son.
You didn't sign up for that.
He... he's difficult. I know that.
And... and you...
Dorota...
You're not a responsible person,
but I know that.
That's just not your style.
And...
I love you for that, and...
Look, I don't know.
I'll be home in an hour and a half,
then we can talk about it.
Will you be up?
Yeah, I'll try to be.
But you wanted to tell me something.
Is it about Tytus? Is he asleep?
You know what? It's nothing.
It can wait until later.
Okay. Kisses. See you soon.
- Yeah, bye.
- Bye.
Little douchebag.
I thought he only treated me like that.
I thought it was a rite of passage
'cause I'm dating his mom.
I mean, of course,
a kid's gonna hate his mom's boyfriend.
And I... I don't know, maybe it's stupid.
It's gonna sound stupid.
I wish he locked me in that box instead.
He won't even say "Screw you" to me.
You don't want to speak?
So you hate me? Sure, okay.
But we live together, and..
So show a little maturity, huh?
You won't have to go to kindergarten
or even look at me at all.
You win, Tytus.
You win.
So?
Jesus. Why are you showing me this?
I get it. They're a little unnerving.
- You could say that.
- But in a way, they're endearing.
Think this is funny?
'Cause then it makes sense why the kids
become so fucked up in here if you do.
Jesus! I wasn't referring to the penis.
Look, some kids at this age
draw things like that.
Keep looking.
ER
ER
Sorry, I'm just tired.
- I understand.
- It's a...
- Oh fuck.
- It's all right.
It's not that. I just...
I guess it's a physiological reaction.
- But I mean, I don't know.
- Hmm.
Oh wow!
Uh, so...
I suppose we have to do something, right?
Mm-hmm.
- I truly wish you peace, Hamza.
- Aw!
- Mmm.
- My wish for the two of us,
is a wonderful family Christmas together.
Yeah, what you said.
Hey Hamza, isn't it strange
if you share a Christmas wafer with us?
Not a bit. It's a tradition, isn't it?
- Aw!
- Mmm!
Me too? Hmm?
Mmm.
Krystyna!
So? To our victory?
- You mean that's your wish?
- Yeah.
- Justyna!
- Yeah, well...
Come on, Justyna.
I mean, we should all wish
each other happiness.
He's just a kid.
I'm kidding.
It was a joke. A joke.
Justyna...
I won't, uh, wish you anything.
'Cause you have it all.
- Tadeusz?
- Yeah?
- I wish you good health.
- Thanks.
You know what?
Excuse me for a second. But, hey, look.
Have a drink tonight, hmm?
A big one.
The more wishes
the better, right?
I didn't want to sound prejudiced
and assume that you have weed...
...but damn,
I was hoping you did.
- Hmm.
- Mmm.
Why are you being so nice to me?
'Cause you're a sound... sound...
Hmm?
My kindred spirit of music.
My life revolves around work,
my kid, and young wife.
She doesn't know anything about... music.
Or anything else, really.
It's...
...a fucking mess.
Sound engineer.
Right.
Awesome. That's great.
I really envy you.
So what exactly is your job?
There's this pole I hold.
- Mmm.
- It's got a mic at the end.
And when they're filming a sitcom,
I say, "I got it!" or "I didn't get it."
But that's another thing I'm shit at.
So I've been losing work.
That's me for you.
That's your kindred spirit.
Hmm.
Apart from Ra,
I have one other son. He's your age now.
Or maybe a bit older.
He was born on December 23.
Back then,
men couldn't go into the maternity ward.
So I was...
...at home.
Alone.
I was so tense, so I had to do something.
So I wrote him a lullaby.
Soon you'll be a big boy
Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace
You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
You're ten, fifteen
You're twenty years old
But you still haven't had
Enough of this world
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father...
When I'd visit his mom,
we'd sing it together.
But now he doesn't
really want me in his life.
I don't know,
maybe I'm irritating?
That's why I wanted to have Ra,
to do it right this time.
And to not...
...fuck it up.
You didn't mess up with your son.
At least you were there.
Because your father
Your old man is here...
Because your father is here...
Yeah, let's do it.
Because your father's there for you...
That's super!
Amen, my friend!
Hey, I hope that I don't sound rude,
but may I have a puff?
- Me too?
- I've got plenty.
Obviously, you would, though.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, I guess.
- I've seen better days.
- I've never had one in my mouth ever.
In your mouth, huh? Come on, take it.
- This is gonna be really nice.
- Here, look. A deep breath...
I changed my mind,
and I think I'll call Dorota.
I'll tell her all about it.
That you were brave
and that you fought hard.
Which strain is it? Sativa?
No, it's my responsibility. But thank you.
Sativa.
- Sandra, uh...
- Excuse me.
Hey, I wanted to just say that...
- Wow! This is crazy!
- Mm-hmm?
I wanted to say thanks.
You know, for voting for me.
It was, well, really nice of you.
- The toilets, you mean?
- No.
- Tytus.
- Sandra.
- What?
- Oh. No, sorry.
I... I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry.
Let's just say that our poor Sandra
has problems falling asleep.
I haven't...
...slept really since, well, um...
Not since...
Not since...
The baby, right?
- Mmm!
- Not since your baby?
Because when your kids are born,
your whole world gets...
My daughter follows me into the bathroom
every single time I have to pee.
Ra ignores the existence
of the number seven.
She goes, "Five, six, eight." No seven.
I don't know whether something's wrong
in her head or if she's just being mean.
- Yeah, 'cause children are stupid.
- What?
Children are stupid. All kids are.
And, guys, I'm aware how the world works.
Like, first our kids are stupid,
and with time...
And then, gradually, they get less stupid.
I honestly can't wait for the moment
when I can come home
and have somebody to talk to.
I just want a fucking complex sentence.
No, but you...
You can talk to me.
Maybe they're not dumb,
but they are really annoying.
Paweek was playing while I was ironing.
One minute I turn around,
the next he's standing in the windowsill
up on the seventh floor
screaming at his father,
who's never home in the first place,
"Witek, Witek!"
He was standing one centimeter from...
Doesn't he get gravity?
Doesn't the idiot know
what could've happened?
- I, mean... Jesus! I'm sorry! I...
- No...
Eryk, do you want to have a kid
of your own?
Let's say it's, uh, just...
It's a philosophical issue.
- A descendant is a descendant.
- Mm-hmm.
Justyna...
Hey, come here for a second.
Here.
Just one little puff.
I can't, guys.
'Cause my Kinia will smell it on me.
And I have this quality
where I don't know how to lie.
I'll have to explain it to her, and...
See, Eryk? It's cool
that you don't have your own kids.
Because you can fool around.
Listen, guys, I better get going.
So, uh...
Yeah, well, uh... This went how it went.
But you guys are cool.
You too, Eryk.
Sunshine isn't bad.
It's really a shame you're resigning.
Sorry, huh?
Uh, yes. I wanted to speak with you all.
What does he mean
by saying "you're resigning"?
Oh shoot. Sorry, I did it again.
Please, you tell them, miss. I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, in the wake of the current events,
I'd like to present you with this.
Here. Here you go.
Uh, thanks.
Very much.
Well, good night.
Hmm.
"Due to dramatic lack
of communication
and no sign of further cooperation,
I'm forced to resign
from the position of school director
- of Little Ray of Sunshine kindergarten."
- Okay, we all know it by heart.
Look,
she's even stamped it and everything.
Well, we have to do something about this.
I mean, she'll realize
it's a mistake eventually.
She was a cool lady.
We'll never find
a better school director than her.
I liked her too.
She's homosexual but doesn't flaunt it.
We should've bought her a Christmas gift.
Yesterday you were the one who said,
"Hey, we pay her.
She doesn't need a present."
Yeah,
but a gesture of good will is important.
I'll go to the gas station
and buy her chocolate.
I'll invite her to have a drink.
We'll explain everything...
Tadeusz, what's up with you and alcohol?
Krystyna, listen.
I say this with all due respect,
but my life and what I do
is none of your business, actually.
Let's stop blaming each other.
None of us is responsible.
- Except, well, you know...
- Right. Listen, guys.
Let's not be melodramatic. Let's go home.
No, I'm not going home now.
We need to stay here
until we figure this out.
Tadeusz, are those the classroom's?
- What?
- The cups.
- Uh...
- Those are for tomorrow.
What if they get mixed in,
and a kid gets drunk and dies?
Just calm down.
- Justyna, help.
- Okay.
- Stop this.
- What a disaster, Tadeusz. You said it.
I'll go and sort this out
as the committee head.
I'll put an end to all this.
Uh...
Okay, that's it.
- Really? You find this amusing?
- Justyna, what's your plan, huh?
'Cause it's impossible. I mean,
she hates you more than any of us.
Uh...
I wouldn't say that.
We both prioritize
the well-being of our kids.
- Justyna?
- Yeah?
Uh, maybe, uh, it'd be better
to send the student council instead.
I'm sorry!
Yeah! You guys should go.
No, wait! I forgot.
You guys should take Sandra.
- I mean, okay, sure.
- What exactly are you implying?
Licking Justyna's ass speaks for itself.
Your bad words can't get to me.
- Eryk should.
- Eryk?
Yeah, I probably shouldn't.
No, you shouldn't.
If you wanted me to, then I would do it.
No, that's...
We don't.
Well, you could if you'd like.
Your son is a student here.
Is that a fact?
Uh-huh, still is.
Hmm.
All right.
Well, listen, I think Eryk should go.
Anyone wanna come with us?
Yes, this is my final decision.
Of course, we do understand.
Uh, it's just we want to understand
what it was that pushed you
into making this decision.
Yeah. We would like to come up
with something to amend what's happening.
Baka, listen.
- Control yourself.
- Uh, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
- Here, Baka.
- Thank you.
Look, director,
we just want everyone to be happy.
Mmm.
Because I would like
to, um, sincerely apologize.
I know I said what I said, all right?
- I'm not mad at you, all right?
- Oh.
I'm just used to using
a different work model in the past.
Since we're tired,
and to keep it short...
What do you want? What is it?
I'll stay if I'm able to manage
this kindergarten in a way
that more closely resembles
what I'm used to.
But how are you gonna be able
to guarantee that?
Mmm.
Yeah.
She's right.
Mm-hmm.
I file a motion that the Head Chairman
of the Parents' Committee is changed.
Uh, sorry, what did you just say?
Um...
Chairwoman. I'm sorry.
Gender appropriate, right?
Kazik, no.
I mean, this isn't a joke.
Do I ever joke, Krystyna?
I see you don't understand,
so let me repeat.
All that matters
- is our children's well-being.
- Yeah, yeah, he's right.
Yeah, sure, okay.
But not like this in the dead of night.
Did I ask for your help, Krystyna?
Kazik...
You want to vote me out or what?
It's not about me.
It's about our children's well-being.
Stop it. Stop.
I know exactly what you're doing.
Mmm.
All right. Of course you can vote.
Well, that is if you really want.
But, Justy...
You shouldn't be here
when we cast our votes.
You've gotta be kidding.
Isn't it obvious?
You two planned this together tonight.
It's a conspiracy, can't you see?
You swallowed the bait.
You're getting played!
I know for a fact
this isn't for our children.
Not if you just trust this drug addict.
This thug.
Huh?
And this... woman.
But I'm not giving up.
Excuse me.
Ooh.
Here we go.
Look, I still feel that it isn't right.
- I mean, she just...
- Cancer, yes. My son has Down syndrome.
- Kazik!
- What?
You should all be ashamed.
Justyna is a good person.
Yeah?
Ah, here we go.
She is.
I've known her since high school.
Okay, sometimes she goes nuts,
but under that hard shell,
she has a heart.
So, anyway, we should select
a new Committee Head Chairperson.
I step forward. Anyone oppose?
- I don't think it's the time.
- Hamza would be good.
I mean, he has twins so...
Do we have to vote?
Yes, we have to.
We can't exist without a governing body.
It should've been like this
from the start.
- Congratulations, Hamza.
- Congratulations.
We have to drink to this!
- You're the new head?
- Yeah.
Fortunately, good old Tadeusz
always comes prepared. Here you are.
- Where's Kazik?
- Watch it.
Hold your glass still.
All right, that's enough.
Come on, let someone else get some.
Are you okay?
Huh? What? Yeah. Yes, of course.
Uh, look.
Look, what I said earlier came out wrong.
Everything happened so fast.
I didn't properly, uh, say goodbye.
Or thank you all for your cooperation.
Tadeusz, your comments
have always been very helpful.
They always came
from an experienced standpoint.
Very, "Out of the box" as one would say.
Well,
I just did what I could.
- Lesaw.
- Let's drink!
Without you, our kids
would've never seen Lindley's Filters.
The Filters are lit.
- Kasia, I should have trusted your...
- Hmm.
...artistic sense a little bit more.
- But now you'll be free to experiment.
- Mm-hmm.
Sandra...
Hmm?
Well, yeah. My dear Krystyna.
Always by my side.
Your script is great too.
It was really meaningful.
What about me?
Oh, and you're an ass.
- Okay, Justyna. Justyna needs to rest...
- Hold on.
Eryk, who gave you the right to talk?
This is amazing.
You've only been here for a couple hours,
and still,
they're all wrapped around your finger.
How dare you treat me like this?
I mean, just look at what I've done
for this place, huh?
Our children
would've been eating sand.
- They would've been attacking each other.
- At least they saw the Filters.
Kazimierz's son wouldn't be here.
There'd be no room
for kids with special needs.
Tytus wouldn't be here.
We wouldn't have been able
to see how wonderful he is.
Justy...
...chill.
All right, you win.
And Beetroot is staying.
Ooh!
Krystyna, do something.
Beetroot?
Eryk, well...
Tytus was that kid.
He became the Beetroot.
We all laughed at him.
And it became our...
our little inside joke, hmm?
Whose kid came up with that nickname?
- Wasn't it one of your twins,Hamza?
- Really?
Tytus is Beetroot?
You think it's funny?
- Answer me now.
- Get off me.
- Get your hands off!
- This is your fault!
- Don't be stupid.
- Don't spit at me!
- Justyna!
- Give it back!
- It's just self-defense.
- Uh, he doesn't keep it loaded.
It's loaded.
Hmm.
All I want is for us
to be honest for once.
You are all fucking hypocrites.
Because all of you are shitty parents,
and yet have the nerve to criticize me.
Ha!
Hamza,
did you know that your twins cry every day
after you drop them off?
- Because you're a shitty dad.
- Yup.
Say it to my face, then.
"I'm a shitty father."
Come on, spit it out!
Look, I'm a shitty father.
Now your turn. Say it.
You're right. I'm a shitty father.
Kasia.
Yes, I'm a shitty father.
What the fuck? You're a shitty mother.
You see,
we've already celebrated together.
Three times, am I right?
But without you.
- Hmm.
- 'Cause you weren't invited.
Dear, esteemed Mr. Tadeusz.
Look, you're a fucking...
Say it. "I'm a shitty..."
Tadeusz!
Fine! Look, I'm a shitty dad!
With a shitty hat.
I'm a shitty mother.
A bad one.
Krystyna, this isn't your moment.
And you are too.
You're a shitty mother.
I'm a great mother.
That's the thing I'm really great at.
My daughter was raised
to be a real fighter.
No, Justy. I didn't want to tell you.
Believe me. I didn't want to.
Tytus didn't lock her in the box that day.
Then who was it?
Krystyna...
She locked herself in that box.
Because that's what she told me
when I got her out.
She...
said she didn't want to go home.
'Cause she's, um...
Well, she's afraid of you.
Krystyna...
She's afraid of what?
- No, she isn't.
- But she is.
Shut your fucking lousy mouth, Krystyna.
- Remember what they called you at school?
- Justyna!
Krystyna with the long fucking tongue.
And not just 'cause you blew
half of the boys in our class.
Calm down.
Just 'cause your kid hid from you
doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
Jesus.
Tytus does weird stuff all the time.
You can't take it personally.
They're just kids.
Get down!
I'm sorry.
It's a natural bodily reaction.
I'm a nutritionist.
Justyna, everyone's tense.
Have a drink.
If you want,
I can call Kinga and explain it all.
Krystyna.
Did you really blow half of your class?
Oh, just fuck off!
- Can we turn it down a little?
- No!
The whole town needs
to hear Tadeusz' party!
It's taking a bit longer
than expected, honey.
Hey!
- Hey, won't the kids smell it?
- Aw, the kids-shmids.
- Come on, try it.
- You're right! They don't know the smell.
Kazik!
Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!
I hope you're not upset
that they chose me.
No, not at all.
They picked the best man, Hamza.
Congrats again.
I love this music!
Come on, Krystyna!
To victory!
You were amazing back there. Mega!
Please turn off the music, guys!
What about Justyna?
About that...
That's...
That's not an issue anymore.
I mean, don't worry about that.
Anyway, it happens.
Is it over?
You haven't heard yet?
Tytus didn't lock Kinga up in the box!
Well, that still doesn't mean
he's staying at Sunshine, all right?
Touch!
You got me! Dang!
Look, I'm not convinced that he is.
'Cause this is my responsibility.
I have to think this through.
Tytus is a really difficult student.
We don't have money
for someone to supervise him,
and that's the type of support
that he needs most right now.
Don't even joke like that.
You're stressing me out.
You've gotta be fucking kidding!
What's that?
Well...
I go through all this
just for you to threaten me?
- I don't deserve this!
- Is that right?
Yes!
Now you listen.
I've raised children all my life
like you, okay?
You expect everything to go your way.
The world isn't always that simple,
you child.
What do you want me to say? That Tytus...
I'm leaving.
I expect this place cleaned up by morning.
No.
No, wait! Wait, Tadeusz!
Let go of me!
The director said that...
Wait!
I know how to make good moonshine. Ha!
- No!
- Jesus!
All this fake stupid plastic!
Lesaw! Hey, listen to me.
Listen!
Wait!
- We have to...
- She left me. Just like that.
'Cause, apparently,
I get too involved in relationships.
And I guess that isn't what she wants!
Listen, that's not what's important, man!
It's not important? Well, sure.
For an awesome guy like you,
it's no problem.
You'll always find a woman.
Of course you will. Fuck!
Guys like you are really the worst.
- Chill since the day you were born.
- What...
You joke all the time,
and you probably never get fat
no matter what you eat!
Look at me!
What do I get? Fuck it.
- Over here!
- Whoa!
- Come on, wake up.
- Don't touch me!
He constantly touches me
with his fat fingers.
He's always so clingy!
Leave me the fuck alone!
I have to constantly babysit someone.
Either the man or my kid.
I babysit either the kid or my man!
The thing is, Tytus will be...
The director said that she's...
Tytus-shmitus!
All you do is talk about yourself!
We've trapped them all in there.
That's how we want it to be.
They're not forced to integrate with us.
They don't have to agree like us!
Remember to flush.
Language! Oh, fuck it.
- Please tell Justyna I'm here. I love her!
- Help me, please!
Shit! No, no, no!
Oh, Justyna, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
We're getting a real tree.
Hello?
Listen!
You all were scared
of partying with Tadeusz!
Ah!
You having fun yet? Are you having fun?
Yeah, fuck it!
- Quiet!
- And all angels we have...
What example are we setting for the kids?
Kids-shmids!
Liberation!
On high sweet...
Kids should all stay...
...in an orphanage!
Jingle bells...
Hello!
- Flush.
- Fuck no!
Don't talk back.
...your old man
Looks after you and cares
This isn't...
Ah.
Good night, sweet baby.
Close your weary eyes again.
Dream about the most beautiful future
you'd ever be able to imagine.
Eryk.
AAH IT'SDOROTA
MISSED CALL, 37 NOTIFICATIONS
Remember to flush,
young explorer... young explorer...
Remember...
- Good morning!
- Hey.
Sweet Jesus from N...
Jesus from Nazareth. Jeez.
- I slept well last night.
- Pipe down.
Oh, my head.
What time is it?
Ugh, my leg.
- Oh, I know, I know.
- No, I get it. I'm not saying anything.
So will the sitter get Gawe?
Yeah, yeah, I'll arrange it.
Uh, well, should I ask her to get...
- Uh, Anka? Anka, right?
- Yeah, if you don't mind.
Remember yesterday, uh,
when we said that we're all shitty...
That we're bad parents?
- I am a bad parent.
- Sure. You.
I'm worn out.
They look up at me with those eyes,
always asking questions.
"Dad, Dad."
They think that I'll have
the answers to everything.
Who am I to teach them
anything about life?
You're Head of the Parents' Committee.
Paweek yells. He shouts at me.
One time I spanked him.
I'd lost my temper.
But now he's been threatening me,
saying he'll tell his dad
and that he has photos.
I'm so stupid.
No.
Sweetie, you're not stupid.
Really. It's just pure blackmail.
When we got the ultrasound
showing that Daniel would be, uh...
I mean, that he...
That he'd be the way he is...
I had told my wife that...
'Cause I had wanted my wife to...
Despite what I tend to say and...
And, I mean...
I just got so afraid
that I wouldn't manage and...
The truth is...
it's so difficult raising a child.
It's really fucking hard.
But then, on top of that...
It's a... a lot and...
But I love him like crazy.
A fucking lot.
No, wait, stop.
Sorry about swearing. It's...
Aw.
Mmm.
That was beautiful.
- Good morning!
- Huh?
Considering the circumstances, I guess...
...the show will be canceled for today?
- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- No.
- It won't?
We've got this. We'll manage.
They're expecting a play, and we'll do it.
I'm gonna lose my mind.
- We won't make it.
- Of course we won't make it without...
Justyna.
Uh-huh. Oh, thanks.
I just spoke with Kinga's sitter.
Justyna didn't come home last night.
I didn't see her upstairs.
- Locker room.
- The kitchen?
Justyna?
I'm awake.
We have a play to put on.
No.
This is your night look, huh?
Actually, it's your day look.
Jesus!
What kind of Nativity play
would it be without Mary?
A shorter one.
A fighter never quits.
Yeah.
Hey.
Ah!
Justyna!
- Oh, no.
- Justy!
Justyna!
Justyna, come on!
Stop acting childish!
It's gonna be a cool play.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
- Justyna!
- What?
- Come on.
- What is it?
Ah, Jesus!
You're so annoying, you know that?
Leave me alone!
Yeah?
Oh wow.
- I'm not doing it.
- Yes, of course you are.
Do it for your daughter.
She's scared of me.
We could just be done.
Forget about the damn play.
I'm really sorry I fucked up the play.
And, I mean, now, of course,
I'm trying to cover it all up
with some flashy gesture
as fucking always.
I decide to go to some meeting
instead of just being home with the kid.
I mean, what kind of person does that?
And I might never be a good dad to him.
I mean...
Come on, Joseph.
- Hmm!
- Ah, well...
- I love Christmas for this reason.
- Aw!
Listen...
Do you think everyone heard me fart?
No, they didn't.
Okay.
Come on!
Oh, Justyna, speaking of Tytus...
Good morning, good morning.
We're starting any minute now.
Dad, look, the tree is broken.
Get in place.
Good morning. Hi.
Hang up your coat
and go find us a seat, okay?
Hey, Tytus.
So, anything you want to say?
Other than how you left Tytus
with a drug addict last night?
He's more like a dealer.
Wait, Dorota!
We'll talk after the play, all right?
'Cause I'm pretty sure
you're gonna have plenty to say.
- Excuse me for barging in.
- What? Did something bad happen again?
No, nothing happened.
Eryk and I talked.
We wanted to present you with an offer.
This is my seat!
Watch this, huh?
JUNKOLAND
His caretaker
will have to come every day
and spend a few hours with him.
Understood.
Does that work for you as well?
Theoretically, it does.
It won't be an easy task.
Logistically and all.
- Let's see what happens.
- Eryk, Justyna, let's go!
Dear children, dear parents.
Welcome, everyone,
to Little Ray of Sunshine's
annual Nativity play.
What is a Nativity play?
- No, you haven't heard of that?
- I know!
Okay, Krystyna.
You'll start, okay?
I don't know my lines.
- Who has the script?
- Is there one?
I don't remember.
It came out but then stopped being mine.
No, don't worry, okay?
Don't worry about it.
We're gonna improvise this one.
Are we?
Improvise?
And the greatest clarity we can encounter
is through the mistakes that we make.
And that is why, my dear children,
I wish you all incredible decisions
that lead to beautiful,
wonderful mistakes.
You said it yourself.
Children don't want scripted crap.
They want fun or action.
Truth.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Hmm.
Because I'd like to see some normal,
smart people in this country.
So we're improvising!
One second, uh...
I just wanted...
...to say it's, um, a new era for Tadeusz.
A Tadeusz
who doesn't impose himself on anyone,
and who listens and...
And who is emotional.
- I'd like to welcome you all now...
- Shh! Let's go.
...to the long awaited
Nativity Play! Bravo!
Uh, yeah!
Mary, uh...
- Joseph!
- Don't!
- Uh...
- Here, um...
Give me the gun!
- Ah!
- Jesus!
- Take it away from him!
- No, hey, don't worry! It's just...
I'm really sorry!
Dear parents, I'm... I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. Everything's under control.
The music! Start the music!
- Hey, hey! No, it's fine! Come on! Wait!
- Ra! Ra!
- This is still a kindergarten!
- Children!
It's all okay, my dears!
We're all safe!
It's okay, dear. We're okay.
- Tadeusz, give me that.
- Don't worry, everybody!
I'm a nutrition.. Ugh!
Stay with your parents!
Aw, our play. We messed it up!
Pass me that lovely little gun
My dear, my darling one
The cleaners are coming, one by one
You don't even want to let them start...
What's up, Tytus.
So look...
I want to ask you something.
You still have six more months
of kindergarten, right?
So I've been thinking...
Do you maybe want me
to come to school with you?
I'd be your caretaker.
It's just a fancy name.
'Cause, actually...
I would really like to be coming here
with you more as your...
Well, I guess...
Children
...as your pal.
Is that okay with you?
Lift up your voice
Lift up your voice...
Children
Rejoice, rejoice
Ha!
Come to mama.
Over here. Oh!
Children...
Right?
Come on.
We're all weeping now, weeping because
There ain't nothing we can do
To protect you
Children
Lift up your voice, lift up your voice
Children
A NIGHT AT THE KINDERGARTEN
Rejoice
Hey little train, we're jumping on
The train that goes to the Kingdom
We're happy, Ma
We're having fun
And the train
Ain't even left the station
Hey little train, wait for me
I once was blind, but now I see
Have you left a seat for me?
Is that such a stretch
Of the imagination?
Soon you'll be a big boy
Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace
You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
You're ten, fifteen
You're twenty years old
But you still haven't had
Enough of this world
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Soon you'll be a father
Your world will change
But you won't be alone
Grandpa will help
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Because your grandpa is here
Because your grandpa is here
Because your grandpa is here
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
- See, Eryk?
- Yeah, we can...
- No, no, no. We'll clean it up.
- Yeah.
how much responsibility is involved.
They breed and push these monsters
out into the world,
and then their little spawn
wanders around without purpose.
This kid'll land on his face.
His legs are already shaking.
- His mom's not even looking.
- Yeah.
Her kid's fighting for his life,
and she's looking for a dad on Tinder.
If he doesn't go ass over tit
in 30 seconds, I'm paying double.
- Huh?
- Huh.
- Mom!
- Yeah!
Ow!
Jesus. Wait!
What's up?
Hey, man.
There's this one day
Very warm, yet in December
A day, a casual day
On which conflicts are not remembered
There's this one day
On which joy awaits us all
It is a day
We all know since we were born
From Earth to Heaven
From Heaven to Earth
Everyone sends greetings
Back and forth
Trees to birds
Birds to trees
Snowflakes dance in the wind
With ease...
There's this one day...
We spend together without a fuss
A day, a beautiful day...
Hey, Tytus.
You can give him his dinner
around seven tonight.
You're not gonna believe
what happened.
I got free weed today.
What? He knows what it means.
There are different kinds of weeds.
No, you're completely hopeless.
I can always predict
what's going to happen.
I'm onto you, Eryk, all right?
And this?
Don't.
All you had to do was pick him up.
I forgot. I'm sorry.
- Time passes differently for me.
- Mmm, I've realized.
You angry or what?
I don't know. Do I look it?
Yeah, you are.
Today, four people died on my shift,
and yet you've pissed me off the most.
And on top of that, The Ray of Sunshine
has a Parents' Committee meeting tonight.
I'm sure they're gonna talk about Tytus.
And, of course, I can't make it again.
All of the parents hate him.
I mean, the look they gave me
when they found out I was the only one
who didn't have to pay tuition.
Or after Tytus had stuffed a sausage
up a girl's nose.
Or when he took a dead pigeon
in his backpack to school.
Was it the whole sausage?
- Look, I fucked up, all right?
- Hey! Watch it.
Boom!
- So what? You were swearing a second ago.
- Yeah, except I was facing the wall.
- It's different.
- But the sound still bounces off the wall.
All right.
I fucked up.
I'll go to that meeting tonight for you.
WELCOME
Mmm... no.
I have to get back to the hospital,
and somebody has to stay with him.
And plus, you wouldn't
feel comfortable among adults.
Be good, honey.
I'll see you later.
Bye.
Bye.
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE KINDERGARTEN
What've you got there?
Tytus?
Those are my headphones, pal.
They're expensive.
If you break them, you're buying new ones.
Tytus...
No drawing on the walls!
Fucking great.
Hey, man, listen.
Um, can you do me a favor?
- What's up?
- There's something I have to get to.
You want me to stay with that little shit?
NIGHT IN THE KINDERGARTEN
You know there's more to it
than that, though, of course.
This decision wasn't an easy one.
They never are.
But I've run out of options.
As you know,
your ideas didn't work out in the end.
We can't do this.
It's too rushed.
- The potential consequences for the child...
- There's more than one child.
- We need to think about him.
- Your opinion is one of many.
And the issue is too important
for us to...
- Hey.
- Good evening.
- Hey, I'm, uh...
- You're dating Dorota. Eryk?
- Uh, yeah, how did you know?
- Her Insta.
She only posts a few photos,
and you're in one of them.
And you were hugging.
So it must be serious, right?
Well, I hope so, yeah.
You're at a parents' meeting
at her son's kindergarten.
So it's definitely serious.
- My name is Justyna.
- Hey.
I'm head of the Parents' Committee
here at Sunshine.
- How about you?
- I'm the director here.
The meeting is this way.
Hey, everyone!
- This is Eryk.
- Hey, Eryk.
- Hi, Eryk.
- Hi.
Where's your enthusiasm?
- Everyone, "Hi, Eryk"!
- Hi, Eryk!
- Hey!
- Hi, Eryk.
All right.
Since Eryk's new here,
how about everyone shares
a thing or two about them?
Oh fuck. You serious, though?
Excuse me. Sorry.
Um, we have one rule here.
No swearing. It's a bad habit,
which we transfer to our children,
whose natural lexicon
will get contaminated from us.
Right, that makes sense.
Uh, so then, I'm Eryk.
That's one thing about me.
- Dorota and I are dating.
- Mmm.
- Or no.
- I mean, we're partners.
Uh, I'm a...
I'm a sound engineer, and... and let's say...
You could say I'm Tytus's stepfather.
Mmm.
That was a second thing about me.
Bang!
Well, look. Since I'm twice as old,
then can I say double?
- No.
- Mmm.
Um, Tadeusz.
- Hey, Tadeusz.
- Hi, hi.
And, of course,
we're parents here, both of us.
Yes, to Anka.
And Gawe.
We met each other here.
So you know how it is.
My son is Paweek. He's a good swimmer.
- Plus, he's advanced.
- Well...
And he would like a puppy,
but I have to think about it.
We're seeing each other.
Just... in the kindergarten, right?
- He's single, and so am I.
- Yeah, that's what I meant.
Yeah, I'm single.
I've done too many
reckless things in my life
to just sum it up in two sentences.
Oh, and my husband took him go-karting.
But enough about me.
Hey, I'm Hamza.
My name is Kazimierz.
Four of my children
have been students here.
And now, so is my son Daniel.
Daniel has Down syndrome,
and I bring him up like he doesn't.
That's honorable.
Pardon?
No, it's super.
- Uh, I'm...
- Let's begin.
Before we move on
to the main event,
which is the long awaited Nativity play,
there's one more issue
I'd like us to discuss.
And that's the toilets.
Uh, we owe a big thank you to Kazimierz
for sponsoring the self-flushing toilets.
- As you all know.
- It was no problem.
However, I know that some parents
find a problem with them,
as they don't teach children independence.
Who? Who has a problem?
Paweek sometimes doesn't poop
for a week, for example.
- Get wheat bran. That's the key.
- With all due respect, it's stupid.
Kids should know
how to flush on their own.
If they don't learn...
Hamza.
...they'll never know how.
Hamza!
- Hmm?
- Please look at me when we're speaking.
Often, their stool would float
for up to three hours. It's unhealthy.
As a nutritionist and personal coach,
I'd like to mention that excreting
is often more crucial than eating even is.
Let's focus, please.
I know that what I did was a good thing
for the children. Objectively.
Now just a minute. Hold on.
Everyone appreciates
what you did for the children. Don't we?
Let's all thank him. Thank you, Kazimierz.
- Yeah.
- We mean that.
Sure, thanks.
The thing is, you didn't follow
the protocol we have. We didn't vote.
Because it was already 7:15 p.m.
so I knew that if we started voting,
you'd all just start yapping again.
When I wanted
a real spruce Christmas tree,
you said it was against eco-logic.
And then, plus the emblem...
I still think we should vote
because we all have a say in what happens.
This classroom isn't your home.
We're a community.
Yeah, this is insane.
YES
Buh-bye toilets.
"Yes."
This one just says, "Poop."
I assume that's a "no"?
So another against.
No to toilets.
"No."
Oh. "Yes."
And...
"Yes, keep them."
So, it's a draw.
I'm glad we had this vote tonight.
Really. Pluralism has won today.
Kazimierz, excuse me for a second.
Uh, Eryk?
- Hmm?
- You like the snacks?
Dorota authorized you being here
on her behalf.
- Well, something like that.
- Well...
- That means that we have one more vote.
- The man doesn't even have any kids.
Kaziu, Kaziu, Kaziu
Just relax
Eryk is Tytus' stepfather. So, I mean,
it's almost the same thing, isn't it?
Just the word's difference.
Let's make it simple.
Is he for or against having shit?
Your language. Language.
It's a philosophical question, isn't it?
'Cause, I mean, is it better for someone
to be raised with convenience or without?
Hmm.
'Cause, for me,
I grew up in a tower-block estate.
I shared a bedroom with three siblings.
Um, but I turned out just fine,
didn't I?
Yeah.
And look, sometimes I wish someone
would flush my toilet, to be honest.
But since the vote is Dorota's,
and it isn't really yours...
No, yeah.
No. I mean, she has other priorities.
Uh, so, unfortunately...
I gotta vote against keeping the toilets
for the classroom.
Hey, hey! Hey,Eryk! Eryk, Eryk!
Don't worry about it.
He always gets edgy at these things.
You'll get used to it. Hmm?
- No, thanks.
- No?
Yeah, I better get going. So, thanks.
Ah, no, wait a minute!
It's a pity because...
I mean, you could say that one needs
a bit of alcohol for these things.
Pity-boom. Psh!
Tadeusz, don't encourage him.
Every meeting he brings his flask.
One day, I'll get to have a drink in here.
So, we're done, right?
You're done, yes.
But we're still preparing the play.
Nobody felt like rehearsing before,
so we're staying till it's perfect.
We've got it.
We sadly don't have
a role for you.
Unless you want to be a tree or something.
Or a snowflake.
That's okay. But thanks.
I came here just to show I care.
So if, I mean, you could all put in
a good word with Dorota,
tell her that I'm responsible,
it would be great.
'Cause with Tytus...
Mmm, well, I mean, she does a lot for him.
Mmm. We will.
Well...
See ya!
Hey, and cool hat, Tadeusz!
Oh, uh, thank you, Eryk.
Lucky, can I dip out too?
MUSICLAND
I'm a nutritionist. I need to weigh myself
after every time I use the bathroom.
- See ya.
- Bye.
PEELAND
I was afraid
the jerk would stay.
Then we would've had a real problem.
- How are we going to handle it?
- About that...
I don't want to vote before rehearsal.
We'll wait.
I want to talk to everyone individually.
I can't just approach Tadeusz or Sandra
and tell them that Tytus is a prick.
We need a subtler approach.
But I hope everyone understands
the real problem.
We need to get rid of that kid,
and it has to be today.
Or else, sooner or later,
he'll kill someone.
Remember to flush,
young explorer!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hey.
Come on, pick up!
Answer, for fuck's sake!
- Is it really that bad?
- Fuck, I'm just, uh...
Take it easy. Don't worry. It's normal.
Everyone reacts like that
after talking to these people.
Last week, some woman came at me
'cause her kid learned
the word "douchebag."
She'd be shocked
what other words he knows.
Justyna said, in there...
that she wants Tytus
to get kicked out of school, miss.
Right. Look.
Can we be a little less formal here?
- I'm Baka.
- Eryk.
So now you know.
This morning, she, uh...
I wish I could say that she asked me, but...
she never does.
She only ever informs.
Our Ms. Justyna.
And she'd be able to if she convinces
majority of the committee.
Even if it's a total shit move...
she can expel Tytus.
But that's just life, you know?
- Miss, I need your help,
- Drop the "miss," okay?
Yeah, all right. Listen, I need your help.
It has to be illegal.
There has to be some rules
'cause she can't...
We have to fight it. Look, miss...
- Look, are you the director or not?
- Eryk.
Forget about it.
It's Ray of Sunshine.
AAH IT'SDOROTA
SORRY, CAN'T TALK. YOU GUYS OK?
YES!
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
OUR PARENTS' COMMITTEE
What exactly
are you inviting us to?
My New Year's Eve party.
I even made a Facebook event. It's...
Kasimierz, I've told you a hundred times
not to bring a gun. There's children here.
I have a permit.
You'll be thanking me one of these days.
- Besides, it's not loaded.
- You guys see the event?
You guys will come to the party, right?
Uh, Tadeusz, no. We can't make it.
We'll be spending Christmas with the kids.
It'll be our first trip together. Livigno.
It's such a hectic time.
I hope you understand.
Yeah, of course.
But if this all keeps up, there's...
There'll be no party
'cause Hamza's working.
Justyna...
I'm a single mom, my dear.
We're always busy.
Hey, I'll be there.
Guess I'll need
to just call the whole thing off.
So much potential for conversation.
Plus, Eryk has joined us.
Pretty nice guy, huh?
He's one nice piece of ass.
He can totally join us.
Yeah, he seems great.
Oh. Oh,Eryk!
We've just been talking about you.
Really? I hope you've been saying
only good things about me.
I was on my way home, and, uh...
Well, all I could think of was the play.
Yeah.
I was thinking that...
Well, if I don't at least play
a tree or something,
I would never forgive myself.
Krystyna,
surely you can find a little role
for our lost wanderer over there, huh?
Uh...
Ah! Yeah, I've just... I mean, maybe, yeah.
The thing is,
she's finished the script already.
- Joseph.
- What's that?
I've been
saying this for weeks.
Our play is incomplete
without Joseph there.
We have Mary and Jesus,
the Wise Men, and a sheep even.
A donkey...
So we should really have Joseph.
The theme of the play
is "A mother's role."
Mary is constantly being omitted.
She pushed the brat out of her womb,
and then what?
Let the men handle the rest?
Anyway, Joseph made no contribution
to the creation of Jesus.
- That's 'cause there was no...
- Yeah...
Justyna, look, I think...
It'd be best if we made sure
that we weren't confusing the kids here.
There's always a Joseph in the stable.
They even give him a... a halo in pictures.
Mmm.
He's been depicted that way
since the 14th century.
So, it's fitting.
Let him do it.
Such a good look like his
can't go to waste, right?
If you want, we can vote.
Who's for Joseph in the Nativity play,
as it's been for millions of years?
Voting won't be necessary.
Thank you. You can stop.
- Fine. Great. So I'm Joseph, then, right?
- Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- He gets lines?
Krystyna, how long
will the script rewrites take then?
I'm not sure, 'cause, um,
it took a few months to get the first...
So, an hour?
The outline of the play's
been put together in a particular way.
The Prologue and the Epilogue
rhyme together.
We're doing a dress rehearsal
at 8:00 p.m. sharp. That's in an hour.
Everything needs to be ready by then.
- Give me your scripts.
- Keep cutting the crowns.
Every child will be a king.
Tadeusz, the snow. Please, just...
It can't be in bunches.
Let it fall gradually.
Kazimierz, the stage,
build it high like a proper theater.
Kasia, Lesaw, start making costumes.
Our kids can't see us wearing rags.
Oh, and...
...I guess Joseph will need a costume.
So, listen, Justy, uh...
Let's work this out, huh?
Justyna.
Justyna.
Coffee?
Yes, please.
WORLD'S BEST DAD, LOVE
Can we talk like adults for a sec?
You want cream?
Soy milk, if there's any.
Soy?
I'm impressed.
Just don't do it today.
Not in the way you're planning.
Look, it's...
It's a little unfair, isn't it?
To do it this way, without Dorota?
Maybe... you could figure it out with her?
She and I have already spoken about it
lots of times.
And she just didn't want to listen. Hmm?
- Well, I don't know.
- Yeah.
What are they talking about
so passionately in there?
There's a lot of tension between them.
No denying it.
Aw, you simple boys.
Pretty clear, isn't it?
- Those two are screwing.
- Uh...
Justyna,
I understand your point of view,
you're a mother.
- But I think...
- Hmm?
...uh, that you need to also
see the bigger picture here.
You need to see my point of view
because, uh, to tell you the truth...
...it's pretty immature.
I can make an exception.
Super.
Hmm. I know what you're worried about.
Hmm? That it will look like you've lost.
So to protect you from all the shame,
once we expel Tytus,
I'll call Dorota
and tell her how brave you were.
And manly.
I don't want this to put a wedge
between you and her.
Especially with how hard it's all been
because you are who you are.
Deal?
Oh my...
- So clumsy, aren't I?
- Don't worry, I'll clean this up.
Why don't you go get us more thumbtacks?
They're in the supply room
in the Avocado Hall.
What did I say?
Uh, where's the Avocado Hall?
LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE
VAGABONDS
GLOBETROTTERS
Take that,Nativity play.
Ow!
It's childproof.
Jesus!
Miss, do you just..
- You like sneaking around?
- It's also adult-proof.
- Is this your office?
- No.
Mine isn't ready yet.
- How long have you been here?
- For four months.
And I won't let you
destroy my kindergarten.
And what am I supposed to do?
Convince them like a priest one by one?
Look, can't you... can't you declare
a bomb alert or some kind of emergency?
Hey, I told you to forget all about that.
And what are you doing?
Even if I really wanted to do something
and screw them over,
it's unethical.
You're drinking whiskey from
a third place cup won by five-year-old.
Touch.
So that's a no?
Be careful. Hey.
That's great.
Dorota won't forgive me.
She's gonna dump me.
Well, I thought this was all for Tytus.
That goes without saying, all right?
Come on.
Whatever.
- It's about the kid, you got that?
- Is it?
I'll handle it myself.
If you really want to get to them,
don't leave them with Justyna.
They shouldn't...
...be alone with her.
...and he was all red.
- Yeah.
- Oh, little Beetroot.
A little beetroot!
- Ah!
- Beetroot?
No, no, no. You... you won't get it.
It's, uh, well, a Sunshine inside joke.
- Yeah.
- A small joke.
- I'm a Sunshine parent, aren't I?
- Yeah, but, uh...
- Hold this.
- Well, you had to be there.
- It's not funny out of context.
- Come on, spill.
It is.
Uh, okay, I guess.
Well, there was this day
the kids put on a show.
It was called Market Day.
And, yeah, every kid said
what vegetable they'd be.
Well, one kid, Kamilek...
Uh, see, every kid had to make a pose
as their vegetable.
One had picked a potato,
another was a carrot...
It was his turn,
and Kamilek had picked a beetroot.
That's what he chose.
- Lesaw, make the Beetroot pose, huh?
- No, don't!
I should really stretch first,
but, uh...
And then little Kamilek shouted out,
"Hey, look at me. I'm a Beetroot."
- Ah.
- And he farted.
Okay. Sure.
The kid farted.
That must've been pretty funny.
Come on.
Like I said, you'd have to be there.
But he turned red, and since then,
he's been Beetroot.
Eryk?
Do you have those thumbtacks
I asked you for?
- About that. There weren't any.
- Hmm? No?
I guess we'll just have to use
the bad pins, I'm afraid.
- Jesus!
- Is everything okay?
Things around here are falling apart.
Hamza, what the fuck?
Watch your language!
What, I can't express this in the language
of our fucking forefathers?
Hamza, it was uneven.
I mean, I fu... Fell down.
Indeed, you did.
We'll also need some face paint
for the play, okay?
Hmm? Think you'll be able to manage?
The third door past the bathrooms...
No, no, no, sweetie. He, uh...
Where... where are you sending him?
Better listen to Tadeusz for now.
It's perfect. Seriously.
- Here, have some, sweetheart.
- I'm a little relieved.
I'm glad another music lover
has turned up in the kindergarten.
I mean, the sheep
is almost as important as Mary.
Because, between you and me,
my music always just spills out.
- You know, I was one of the Bards.
- Huh?
You want one?
The Bards.
Kaczmarski and others.
- Wow.
- They called me the Polish Bob Dylan.
You know "Walls," right?
You're a genius, Tadeusz.
Out of modesty, I can't say I am.
You're a part
of the generation of humility.
You don't post Instagram pictures
of your fucking face all day.
That's straight enough.
You know what your worth is.
It's impressive.
I suppose, yeah.
And they don't.
Who?
The parents.
- Why is it the man who wrote "Walls"...
- Who inspired "Walls".
Tell me, why isn't he the one in charge
of the music in the school Nativity play?
Huh?
Krystyna, where are they?
Where are they? Huh? Where are they?
I'm writing.
Do you think a sheep
would say anything to Jesus, though?
Listen, maybe I'm...
- Go on, Tadek.
- No, I'm not ready yet.
Jesus will be...
- He'll be born next year as well. So I...
- You've got this, you've got this.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Tadeusz would like to present
his contribution to the performance.
Uh, and the title of the song is...
- Uh, no, there's... no title.
- There's no title.
- Jesus, are they going to sing to us?
- I have no idea.
Hit it, MC Dylan. Let's go.
Christ was born tonight
In a stable out of sight
I asked him
"Homie, what is this all about"?
He said to me
"Joy to the world in Bethlehem tonight!"
And from then on I had to start
Working it out, right?
He was born in a stable
No crib for a bed
Shh!
Keep your eyes up there and watch them.
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-wow
Scoundrels rule our state"
Politics rules our lives
My children dear
Log out of your smartphones
Let God be with ye
Mary was cradling her son
Singing to her little one
"Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
Dearest child of mine"
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
In your manger you'll be fine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
Dearest child of mine
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
In your manger you'll be fine
Okay!
Extra.
Huh? What did you think?
Um, did you find the paint?
Yeah, I've got it.
- Great.
- Um...
I think the spectacle in our play
is what's missing.
- I mean, the so-called "fun" isn't there...
- Tadeusz!
Since Krystyna is changing the script,
I propose we add this.
To show that the birth of Christ is a...
...a fun event, right?
He has a point.
- Yeah. You liked our flow, right?
- It was different.
I want to point out another issue.
Because Christ is a historical figure.
- Here we go again.
- He is!
- Mm-hmm.
- You can't deny it either.
You can badmouth Him as much as you want,
but you can't deny His existence.
That's why I would add
a small fragment from the Bible.
- Jesus!
- Precisely.
One reading or maybe a psalm.
Kazimierz, hold on.
The timing would be better next year.
Justi! Justi! I want to propose a routine
'cause I want to dance.
- Denied.
- How about backup vocals?
We'll add something interesting.
You can't let the poor guy rap alone.
Your routine would be obscene.
That's enough of this.
So you don't trust her?
She might be right.
I'd make it shorter.
It's clear we won't be able to produce
a fully professional show.
Lee-lee-lee-lee-lie
I'm not making changes. That's it.
Guys, calm down.
We agreed on everything last month.
We all had our clearly set tasks.
We had time to change things.
So is something different now?
Um, listen,
don't worry about me, all right?
- 'Cause I can be anything that you want.
- There. You see?
As the youngest group member here, uh...
Well, nowadays, kids attention spans
are completely shot. They're too short.
And a dry song like that
will be cringe, you know?
They'll get bored.
We should have a bunch of stuff going on.
- Music, explosions... Boom!
- Hmm?
- I propose that we vote.
- That's right. We should all vote.
Let's not turn voting into
some kind of joke, all right?
I agree to everything.
Let's put the song in.
- Do your dance routine, Kasia.
- Yes!
And add that psalm from the Bible.
But try to make it smart.
All Bible songs are smart.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
- Fuck!
- Language! Oh, sorry. Oh no.
What happened?
I'm sorry, I forgot about them.
You mean you planned it.
Uh, Justyna...
Uh, what reason would Eryk have
to do something like that intentionally?
No, exactly.
Why would he do it on purpose?
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
Justyna!
Why don't we call it a day?
This was supposed to be special.
The kids' show and the holiday.
Back in high school, when you'd get...
...wound up,
it ended really badly for you
every single time.
Uh...
So Justyna's a little uptight,
isn't she?
She have a problem or what?
She beat cancer.
She's a wonderful mother
and a very strong woman.
On top of that, she was a single mother
through the whole thing.
CANCER WITH YOU
BLESSING IN DISGUISE
TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT CANCER
I'VE WON. WHAT NOW?
IT'S HARD.
WILL SHE COPE WITHOUT ME?
Oh.
Cancer's as bad as it gets.
Grabbing a bite, huh? Mmm!
Yo! Look at him,
he's such a good boy.
- Tytus, say "Yo."
- "Yo."
Yo!
Of course he's a good boy.
He's helping me roll a blunt. Aren't you?
- Fuck.
- I'm kidding.
It's just a little duct-tape, all right?
Chill.
I wouldn't give dope to a kid.
It's expensive.
Just make sure
you put him to bed on time, okay?
Or whatever.
Later.
That's it.
Goodnight, ink.
Thank you, young one.
Yeah, buddy.
Do you always bring spare dresses
for committee meetings?
A girl has to be ready for anything.
Kazik, one sec!
SPORTSLAND
You first.
Uh, Kazik, look...
I made a mistake with the toilet thing.
And I want to apologize.
You can call it group think,
or...
Or, um... Or mob mentality.
But either way...
- Don't worry about it.
- Yeah?
Fuck, man, don't!
I just had to.
I'm sorry. My bad.
I had to see your expression.
Anyway, don't mention it. I forgive you.
Well, that's great.
It was worth it just to see your face.
By the way, I have a permit.
I'm jealous.
I can help you get one if you want.
So look, uh...
You know my kid, Tytus, right?
Uh-huh.
He really means to be nice.
He's really cool.
But still, he has his problems.
Then again, what kid doesn't?
So...
Everyone deserves a second chance,
especially when it's a child.
Like Mary Magdalene was given one.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
Exactly. Same thing with Barabbas...
...Pontius Pilate, and so on.
Yeah.
Oh shit.
- No, please come in.
- Now?
Come on.
We can all be adults here, can't we?
Yeah, sure we can.
- I wanted to talk about something.
- Huh?
Uh, one time Tytus walked in
on me and his mother.
Tytus. You know what's wrong with him.
We all know who he is and how he behaves.
Sure, he's a troublesome kid,
but it's not...
It's something to worry about.
And worrying is not something
we should put on our children.
Why is this place so colorful?
Because life is not colorful.
Sometimes we encounter problems.
Sometimes it's shitty.
So what? Do I give up and say,
"Yo, Tytus, you're broken goods"?
"It's over for you, man. Sorry."
You know, cancer has taught me
that sometimes it's about picking
the lesser of two evils.
And unfortunately, this is evil.
You know what some parents
will even try to say?
And, well, to me, it feels a bit...
It's just completely thoughtless.
They say some things are simply evil,
like gays or feminists.
Or premarital sex, you know?
- Totally, yeah.
- Sex...
Or that innocent kids could be evil.
It's about doing what's right.
It's about us doing what's right.
Every time.
Always. For our kids.
- Always.
- Always.
For our kids.
Always.
Done!
OUT OF INK
There's no ink.
There's no ink?
Does that mean there's no script?
Use the other printer, okay?
Ah! Oh yeah.
Oh, we have two printers?
Three, but it's an expensive kindergarten.
Sorry, I forgot that Dorota
doesn't pay for anything.
But, look, forget I said that.
Can we start rehearsing, everybody?
Once upon a time,
my dear children, both young and old,
Jesus was lying in a stable.
It was long before he had a beard.
Psst, psst.
Your beard's crooked.
Your beard's wrong.
When children lived in peace,
everybody had a mom.
And he had his own.
This was before he was put on that cross...
...and died.
Women like beards.
They make you look mature.
- Let it go already, Justyna.
- You wish.
You want to know what I wish?
To see the look on your face
when you lose.
Our Joseph and Mary had made their way
all the way over to Bethlehem.
Joseph and Mary!
Coming.
Oh, Jesus, little one.
It's challenging to be raising you
as a single mother.
I mean, on your own.
On your own.
Oh, Joseph, you're here.
I am.
But I've got a stomach ache.
Are the Wise Men bringing the myrrh?
- Myrrh is not edible, Joseph.
- Dear, Mary...
Yeah?
Why did we decide to have this kid?
He's not really yours.
You're a stepfather to him.
That's right, Joseph.
God is his real parent.
Don't you cry, little baby.
Your father is here.
- Your father, who is God.
- Oh, poor me.
I'm frightened.
Can somebody help me?
This Joseph,
he knows only how to make tables.
- When will he put food on one?
- How about we eat the sheep?
Stop improvising. You don't have lines.
I'm aware. In three pages,
I'll say my stomach hurts.
- This took you a fucking hour?
- Language!
Mary, look, every mother, even if married,
is completely alone.
- And not every boy will become Jesus.
- Oh great.
- Aw, come on, Taduesz.
- I'm sorry.
Tadeusz, do you see the problem?
Bethlehem didn't get any snow back then.
Or ever.
Yeah, I'm not doing this.
Even if Joseph isn't the real father,
the man still should be able to speak.
- And why's that?
- Because he's still raising him!
And if the Holy Spirit is the father...
Or look, even if, uh,
it was just fucking Casper,
Joseph stepped in
and he raised him as his own.
Aw. Well, that would explain
why the kid's being a douchebag.
- What did you say?
- Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
- I don't support this blasphemy.
- Come on, say it.
Oh, look, look, look, look!
See? That's what I meant!
You're right. It's clear you were right.
Eryk, look, just admit it.
You two have been acting strange
since the second that you got here.
- So you know already?
- Yeah.
- Poor Tytus is stuck in the middle.
- Right, exactly.
- Poor kid.
- So...
Look, I think it's best if we just vote.
If we vote?
No, sorry.
- You two look good together.
- What?
Look, come on.
You guys are shagging.
You... you mean him and I?
Of course.
No, sorry to let you down.
Justyna, why don't you tell them
what's going on? Hmm?
- What do you mean?
- Look.
Sorry. Hamza, can you kill the music?
So look...
My friends...
Justyna wants to get Tytus expelled.
Hmm? Just like that.
She wants him kicked out of your community
where you say every kid is important.
But I guess that only applies
to the rich ones.
Hmm?
Because that's the reason, isn't it?
Want to tell us?
'Cause everyone is listening.
The floor is yours.
- Look...
- Enough. Can we just vote?
- Krystyna, can you get the slips?
- Um, it's just that...
No, we should do an open vote.
Oh! What a great idea!
That way we can see
who you all really are.
As the Committee Head of the kindergarten,
I now put to vote the issue
of Tytus Kwiatkowski.
Those in favor
of his early winter absence...
"Absence"? Tell it like it is.
You're kicking a kid out
of a fucking kindergarten.
Please just raise your hands.
- Put your hand up.
- Okay.
Um, no.
- Excuse me, I'd like to say something.
- Who votes "yes"?
Okay.
Anyone vote "no"?
- Let me try to explain.
- No, you know what? Just save it.
Eryk, this isn't personal, all right?
It's not against you or even poor Tytus.
The boy just has problems, Eryk.
No, wait a minute.
This is ridiculous. Come on.
Maybe you can tell them 'cause I...
Look, all right? Let's please stay calm.
This isn't a decision
we should make without discussing...
Miss, with all due respect,
this is a matter for the parents.
It's about how we're doing.
And you're not a parent.
Nevertheless,
I believe that what I've experienced
with the kids in the classroom...
Okay, then. Please share with us.
Tell us whether he knows the alphabet
or how to count.
- You are pushing your limit, Justyna.
- Oh yeah?
I've been handling Tytus' case
for two months.
Tytus is starting to show some...
Slowly, though. It's been slow.
That's not enough.
Excuse me.
Tytus.
He's been really mean towards my twins.
He keeps using the others' name
on purpose.
With my Ra, he was forced to...
role-play being naked.
I understand the social grant
and what not, but I, um...
- It's not about him being poor.
- But he should listen.
- It's fucking too much.
- He calls Elifa names.
- What's he call her? An idiot?
- No, "pussy."
I counted all the swear words.
Twenty-three F-words, 13 A-words,
14 WH, and 11 C-words, the worse kind.
My son Daniel, who has Down syndrome,
as I mentioned...
Surprisingly, Tytus didn't call him names.
Instead, he drew a penis on his forehead.
He even made fun of me.
Called me, "Turdeusz."
And he gives meat to my vegetarians.
Before nap time,
he gets songs stuck in other kids' heads.
He ate a block of butter
like it was candy.
And he bites their heels!
He pretended to be Batman
so he could beat up other kids.
And he slanders Poland.
Yeah, that too.
Yeah.
- Okay, so he did some bad things.
- Yeah.
And other kids are the same. I mean,
not all of them are cute and innocent.
If you'd have judged me when I was a kid,
you'd have fucking kicked me out.
- I mean, he's five.
- Six, actually.
You know...
...my Kinga's arms are scarred.
Can you imagine
the looks the doctors give me?
It was Tytus who locked her up.
She was in there for a couple hours.
It was during aerobics.
The kids were dancing to loud music.
They couldn't...
No one heard her scream.
It wasn't...
until Krystyna picked up Paweek that...
she was found and let out.
That whole box was covered in her blood.
Maybe tomorrow, during the play,
we can honor Tytus
and have him play the angel?
- I'll add it to the script.
- Yeah?
So that he has...
nice memories at the end.
After that, he leaves.
Fucking hell!
Fuck it!
Fuck!
I have to tell you something.
No, wait.
Wait, before I lose my train of thought.
I'm sorry for attacking you before.
It's not your fault.
He's... he's not your son.
You didn't sign up for that.
He... he's difficult. I know that.
And... and you...
Dorota...
You're not a responsible person,
but I know that.
That's just not your style.
And...
I love you for that, and...
Look, I don't know.
I'll be home in an hour and a half,
then we can talk about it.
Will you be up?
Yeah, I'll try to be.
But you wanted to tell me something.
Is it about Tytus? Is he asleep?
You know what? It's nothing.
It can wait until later.
Okay. Kisses. See you soon.
- Yeah, bye.
- Bye.
Little douchebag.
I thought he only treated me like that.
I thought it was a rite of passage
'cause I'm dating his mom.
I mean, of course,
a kid's gonna hate his mom's boyfriend.
And I... I don't know, maybe it's stupid.
It's gonna sound stupid.
I wish he locked me in that box instead.
He won't even say "Screw you" to me.
You don't want to speak?
So you hate me? Sure, okay.
But we live together, and..
So show a little maturity, huh?
You won't have to go to kindergarten
or even look at me at all.
You win, Tytus.
You win.
So?
Jesus. Why are you showing me this?
I get it. They're a little unnerving.
- You could say that.
- But in a way, they're endearing.
Think this is funny?
'Cause then it makes sense why the kids
become so fucked up in here if you do.
Jesus! I wasn't referring to the penis.
Look, some kids at this age
draw things like that.
Keep looking.
ER
ER
Sorry, I'm just tired.
- I understand.
- It's a...
- Oh fuck.
- It's all right.
It's not that. I just...
I guess it's a physiological reaction.
- But I mean, I don't know.
- Hmm.
Oh wow!
Uh, so...
I suppose we have to do something, right?
Mm-hmm.
- I truly wish you peace, Hamza.
- Aw!
- Mmm.
- My wish for the two of us,
is a wonderful family Christmas together.
Yeah, what you said.
Hey Hamza, isn't it strange
if you share a Christmas wafer with us?
Not a bit. It's a tradition, isn't it?
- Aw!
- Mmm!
Me too? Hmm?
Mmm.
Krystyna!
So? To our victory?
- You mean that's your wish?
- Yeah.
- Justyna!
- Yeah, well...
Come on, Justyna.
I mean, we should all wish
each other happiness.
He's just a kid.
I'm kidding.
It was a joke. A joke.
Justyna...
I won't, uh, wish you anything.
'Cause you have it all.
- Tadeusz?
- Yeah?
- I wish you good health.
- Thanks.
You know what?
Excuse me for a second. But, hey, look.
Have a drink tonight, hmm?
A big one.
The more wishes
the better, right?
I didn't want to sound prejudiced
and assume that you have weed...
...but damn,
I was hoping you did.
- Hmm.
- Mmm.
Why are you being so nice to me?
'Cause you're a sound... sound...
Hmm?
My kindred spirit of music.
My life revolves around work,
my kid, and young wife.
She doesn't know anything about... music.
Or anything else, really.
It's...
...a fucking mess.
Sound engineer.
Right.
Awesome. That's great.
I really envy you.
So what exactly is your job?
There's this pole I hold.
- Mmm.
- It's got a mic at the end.
And when they're filming a sitcom,
I say, "I got it!" or "I didn't get it."
But that's another thing I'm shit at.
So I've been losing work.
That's me for you.
That's your kindred spirit.
Hmm.
Apart from Ra,
I have one other son. He's your age now.
Or maybe a bit older.
He was born on December 23.
Back then,
men couldn't go into the maternity ward.
So I was...
...at home.
Alone.
I was so tense, so I had to do something.
So I wrote him a lullaby.
Soon you'll be a big boy
Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace
You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
You're ten, fifteen
You're twenty years old
But you still haven't had
Enough of this world
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father...
When I'd visit his mom,
we'd sing it together.
But now he doesn't
really want me in his life.
I don't know,
maybe I'm irritating?
That's why I wanted to have Ra,
to do it right this time.
And to not...
...fuck it up.
You didn't mess up with your son.
At least you were there.
Because your father
Your old man is here...
Because your father is here...
Yeah, let's do it.
Because your father's there for you...
That's super!
Amen, my friend!
Hey, I hope that I don't sound rude,
but may I have a puff?
- Me too?
- I've got plenty.
Obviously, you would, though.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, I guess.
- I've seen better days.
- I've never had one in my mouth ever.
In your mouth, huh? Come on, take it.
- This is gonna be really nice.
- Here, look. A deep breath...
I changed my mind,
and I think I'll call Dorota.
I'll tell her all about it.
That you were brave
and that you fought hard.
Which strain is it? Sativa?
No, it's my responsibility. But thank you.
Sativa.
- Sandra, uh...
- Excuse me.
Hey, I wanted to just say that...
- Wow! This is crazy!
- Mm-hmm?
I wanted to say thanks.
You know, for voting for me.
It was, well, really nice of you.
- The toilets, you mean?
- No.
- Tytus.
- Sandra.
- What?
- Oh. No, sorry.
I... I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry.
Let's just say that our poor Sandra
has problems falling asleep.
I haven't...
...slept really since, well, um...
Not since...
Not since...
The baby, right?
- Mmm!
- Not since your baby?
Because when your kids are born,
your whole world gets...
My daughter follows me into the bathroom
every single time I have to pee.
Ra ignores the existence
of the number seven.
She goes, "Five, six, eight." No seven.
I don't know whether something's wrong
in her head or if she's just being mean.
- Yeah, 'cause children are stupid.
- What?
Children are stupid. All kids are.
And, guys, I'm aware how the world works.
Like, first our kids are stupid,
and with time...
And then, gradually, they get less stupid.
I honestly can't wait for the moment
when I can come home
and have somebody to talk to.
I just want a fucking complex sentence.
No, but you...
You can talk to me.
Maybe they're not dumb,
but they are really annoying.
Paweek was playing while I was ironing.
One minute I turn around,
the next he's standing in the windowsill
up on the seventh floor
screaming at his father,
who's never home in the first place,
"Witek, Witek!"
He was standing one centimeter from...
Doesn't he get gravity?
Doesn't the idiot know
what could've happened?
- I, mean... Jesus! I'm sorry! I...
- No...
Eryk, do you want to have a kid
of your own?
Let's say it's, uh, just...
It's a philosophical issue.
- A descendant is a descendant.
- Mm-hmm.
Justyna...
Hey, come here for a second.
Here.
Just one little puff.
I can't, guys.
'Cause my Kinia will smell it on me.
And I have this quality
where I don't know how to lie.
I'll have to explain it to her, and...
See, Eryk? It's cool
that you don't have your own kids.
Because you can fool around.
Listen, guys, I better get going.
So, uh...
Yeah, well, uh... This went how it went.
But you guys are cool.
You too, Eryk.
Sunshine isn't bad.
It's really a shame you're resigning.
Sorry, huh?
Uh, yes. I wanted to speak with you all.
What does he mean
by saying "you're resigning"?
Oh shoot. Sorry, I did it again.
Please, you tell them, miss. I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, in the wake of the current events,
I'd like to present you with this.
Here. Here you go.
Uh, thanks.
Very much.
Well, good night.
Hmm.
"Due to dramatic lack
of communication
and no sign of further cooperation,
I'm forced to resign
from the position of school director
- of Little Ray of Sunshine kindergarten."
- Okay, we all know it by heart.
Look,
she's even stamped it and everything.
Well, we have to do something about this.
I mean, she'll realize
it's a mistake eventually.
She was a cool lady.
We'll never find
a better school director than her.
I liked her too.
She's homosexual but doesn't flaunt it.
We should've bought her a Christmas gift.
Yesterday you were the one who said,
"Hey, we pay her.
She doesn't need a present."
Yeah,
but a gesture of good will is important.
I'll go to the gas station
and buy her chocolate.
I'll invite her to have a drink.
We'll explain everything...
Tadeusz, what's up with you and alcohol?
Krystyna, listen.
I say this with all due respect,
but my life and what I do
is none of your business, actually.
Let's stop blaming each other.
None of us is responsible.
- Except, well, you know...
- Right. Listen, guys.
Let's not be melodramatic. Let's go home.
No, I'm not going home now.
We need to stay here
until we figure this out.
Tadeusz, are those the classroom's?
- What?
- The cups.
- Uh...
- Those are for tomorrow.
What if they get mixed in,
and a kid gets drunk and dies?
Just calm down.
- Justyna, help.
- Okay.
- Stop this.
- What a disaster, Tadeusz. You said it.
I'll go and sort this out
as the committee head.
I'll put an end to all this.
Uh...
Okay, that's it.
- Really? You find this amusing?
- Justyna, what's your plan, huh?
'Cause it's impossible. I mean,
she hates you more than any of us.
Uh...
I wouldn't say that.
We both prioritize
the well-being of our kids.
- Justyna?
- Yeah?
Uh, maybe, uh, it'd be better
to send the student council instead.
I'm sorry!
Yeah! You guys should go.
No, wait! I forgot.
You guys should take Sandra.
- I mean, okay, sure.
- What exactly are you implying?
Licking Justyna's ass speaks for itself.
Your bad words can't get to me.
- Eryk should.
- Eryk?
Yeah, I probably shouldn't.
No, you shouldn't.
If you wanted me to, then I would do it.
No, that's...
We don't.
Well, you could if you'd like.
Your son is a student here.
Is that a fact?
Uh-huh, still is.
Hmm.
All right.
Well, listen, I think Eryk should go.
Anyone wanna come with us?
Yes, this is my final decision.
Of course, we do understand.
Uh, it's just we want to understand
what it was that pushed you
into making this decision.
Yeah. We would like to come up
with something to amend what's happening.
Baka, listen.
- Control yourself.
- Uh, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
- Here, Baka.
- Thank you.
Look, director,
we just want everyone to be happy.
Mmm.
Because I would like
to, um, sincerely apologize.
I know I said what I said, all right?
- I'm not mad at you, all right?
- Oh.
I'm just used to using
a different work model in the past.
Since we're tired,
and to keep it short...
What do you want? What is it?
I'll stay if I'm able to manage
this kindergarten in a way
that more closely resembles
what I'm used to.
But how are you gonna be able
to guarantee that?
Mmm.
Yeah.
She's right.
Mm-hmm.
I file a motion that the Head Chairman
of the Parents' Committee is changed.
Uh, sorry, what did you just say?
Um...
Chairwoman. I'm sorry.
Gender appropriate, right?
Kazik, no.
I mean, this isn't a joke.
Do I ever joke, Krystyna?
I see you don't understand,
so let me repeat.
All that matters
- is our children's well-being.
- Yeah, yeah, he's right.
Yeah, sure, okay.
But not like this in the dead of night.
Did I ask for your help, Krystyna?
Kazik...
You want to vote me out or what?
It's not about me.
It's about our children's well-being.
Stop it. Stop.
I know exactly what you're doing.
Mmm.
All right. Of course you can vote.
Well, that is if you really want.
But, Justy...
You shouldn't be here
when we cast our votes.
You've gotta be kidding.
Isn't it obvious?
You two planned this together tonight.
It's a conspiracy, can't you see?
You swallowed the bait.
You're getting played!
I know for a fact
this isn't for our children.
Not if you just trust this drug addict.
This thug.
Huh?
And this... woman.
But I'm not giving up.
Excuse me.
Ooh.
Here we go.
Look, I still feel that it isn't right.
- I mean, she just...
- Cancer, yes. My son has Down syndrome.
- Kazik!
- What?
You should all be ashamed.
Justyna is a good person.
Yeah?
Ah, here we go.
She is.
I've known her since high school.
Okay, sometimes she goes nuts,
but under that hard shell,
she has a heart.
So, anyway, we should select
a new Committee Head Chairperson.
I step forward. Anyone oppose?
- I don't think it's the time.
- Hamza would be good.
I mean, he has twins so...
Do we have to vote?
Yes, we have to.
We can't exist without a governing body.
It should've been like this
from the start.
- Congratulations, Hamza.
- Congratulations.
We have to drink to this!
- You're the new head?
- Yeah.
Fortunately, good old Tadeusz
always comes prepared. Here you are.
- Where's Kazik?
- Watch it.
Hold your glass still.
All right, that's enough.
Come on, let someone else get some.
Are you okay?
Huh? What? Yeah. Yes, of course.
Uh, look.
Look, what I said earlier came out wrong.
Everything happened so fast.
I didn't properly, uh, say goodbye.
Or thank you all for your cooperation.
Tadeusz, your comments
have always been very helpful.
They always came
from an experienced standpoint.
Very, "Out of the box" as one would say.
Well,
I just did what I could.
- Lesaw.
- Let's drink!
Without you, our kids
would've never seen Lindley's Filters.
The Filters are lit.
- Kasia, I should have trusted your...
- Hmm.
...artistic sense a little bit more.
- But now you'll be free to experiment.
- Mm-hmm.
Sandra...
Hmm?
Well, yeah. My dear Krystyna.
Always by my side.
Your script is great too.
It was really meaningful.
What about me?
Oh, and you're an ass.
- Okay, Justyna. Justyna needs to rest...
- Hold on.
Eryk, who gave you the right to talk?
This is amazing.
You've only been here for a couple hours,
and still,
they're all wrapped around your finger.
How dare you treat me like this?
I mean, just look at what I've done
for this place, huh?
Our children
would've been eating sand.
- They would've been attacking each other.
- At least they saw the Filters.
Kazimierz's son wouldn't be here.
There'd be no room
for kids with special needs.
Tytus wouldn't be here.
We wouldn't have been able
to see how wonderful he is.
Justy...
...chill.
All right, you win.
And Beetroot is staying.
Ooh!
Krystyna, do something.
Beetroot?
Eryk, well...
Tytus was that kid.
He became the Beetroot.
We all laughed at him.
And it became our...
our little inside joke, hmm?
Whose kid came up with that nickname?
- Wasn't it one of your twins,Hamza?
- Really?
Tytus is Beetroot?
You think it's funny?
- Answer me now.
- Get off me.
- Get your hands off!
- This is your fault!
- Don't be stupid.
- Don't spit at me!
- Justyna!
- Give it back!
- It's just self-defense.
- Uh, he doesn't keep it loaded.
It's loaded.
Hmm.
All I want is for us
to be honest for once.
You are all fucking hypocrites.
Because all of you are shitty parents,
and yet have the nerve to criticize me.
Ha!
Hamza,
did you know that your twins cry every day
after you drop them off?
- Because you're a shitty dad.
- Yup.
Say it to my face, then.
"I'm a shitty father."
Come on, spit it out!
Look, I'm a shitty father.
Now your turn. Say it.
You're right. I'm a shitty father.
Kasia.
Yes, I'm a shitty father.
What the fuck? You're a shitty mother.
You see,
we've already celebrated together.
Three times, am I right?
But without you.
- Hmm.
- 'Cause you weren't invited.
Dear, esteemed Mr. Tadeusz.
Look, you're a fucking...
Say it. "I'm a shitty..."
Tadeusz!
Fine! Look, I'm a shitty dad!
With a shitty hat.
I'm a shitty mother.
A bad one.
Krystyna, this isn't your moment.
And you are too.
You're a shitty mother.
I'm a great mother.
That's the thing I'm really great at.
My daughter was raised
to be a real fighter.
No, Justy. I didn't want to tell you.
Believe me. I didn't want to.
Tytus didn't lock her in the box that day.
Then who was it?
Krystyna...
She locked herself in that box.
Because that's what she told me
when I got her out.
She...
said she didn't want to go home.
'Cause she's, um...
Well, she's afraid of you.
Krystyna...
She's afraid of what?
- No, she isn't.
- But she is.
Shut your fucking lousy mouth, Krystyna.
- Remember what they called you at school?
- Justyna!
Krystyna with the long fucking tongue.
And not just 'cause you blew
half of the boys in our class.
Calm down.
Just 'cause your kid hid from you
doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
Jesus.
Tytus does weird stuff all the time.
You can't take it personally.
They're just kids.
Get down!
I'm sorry.
It's a natural bodily reaction.
I'm a nutritionist.
Justyna, everyone's tense.
Have a drink.
If you want,
I can call Kinga and explain it all.
Krystyna.
Did you really blow half of your class?
Oh, just fuck off!
- Can we turn it down a little?
- No!
The whole town needs
to hear Tadeusz' party!
It's taking a bit longer
than expected, honey.
Hey!
- Hey, won't the kids smell it?
- Aw, the kids-shmids.
- Come on, try it.
- You're right! They don't know the smell.
Kazik!
Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!
I hope you're not upset
that they chose me.
No, not at all.
They picked the best man, Hamza.
Congrats again.
I love this music!
Come on, Krystyna!
To victory!
You were amazing back there. Mega!
Please turn off the music, guys!
What about Justyna?
About that...
That's...
That's not an issue anymore.
I mean, don't worry about that.
Anyway, it happens.
Is it over?
You haven't heard yet?
Tytus didn't lock Kinga up in the box!
Well, that still doesn't mean
he's staying at Sunshine, all right?
Touch!
You got me! Dang!
Look, I'm not convinced that he is.
'Cause this is my responsibility.
I have to think this through.
Tytus is a really difficult student.
We don't have money
for someone to supervise him,
and that's the type of support
that he needs most right now.
Don't even joke like that.
You're stressing me out.
You've gotta be fucking kidding!
What's that?
Well...
I go through all this
just for you to threaten me?
- I don't deserve this!
- Is that right?
Yes!
Now you listen.
I've raised children all my life
like you, okay?
You expect everything to go your way.
The world isn't always that simple,
you child.
What do you want me to say? That Tytus...
I'm leaving.
I expect this place cleaned up by morning.
No.
No, wait! Wait, Tadeusz!
Let go of me!
The director said that...
Wait!
I know how to make good moonshine. Ha!
- No!
- Jesus!
All this fake stupid plastic!
Lesaw! Hey, listen to me.
Listen!
Wait!
- We have to...
- She left me. Just like that.
'Cause, apparently,
I get too involved in relationships.
And I guess that isn't what she wants!
Listen, that's not what's important, man!
It's not important? Well, sure.
For an awesome guy like you,
it's no problem.
You'll always find a woman.
Of course you will. Fuck!
Guys like you are really the worst.
- Chill since the day you were born.
- What...
You joke all the time,
and you probably never get fat
no matter what you eat!
Look at me!
What do I get? Fuck it.
- Over here!
- Whoa!
- Come on, wake up.
- Don't touch me!
He constantly touches me
with his fat fingers.
He's always so clingy!
Leave me the fuck alone!
I have to constantly babysit someone.
Either the man or my kid.
I babysit either the kid or my man!
The thing is, Tytus will be...
The director said that she's...
Tytus-shmitus!
All you do is talk about yourself!
We've trapped them all in there.
That's how we want it to be.
They're not forced to integrate with us.
They don't have to agree like us!
Remember to flush.
Language! Oh, fuck it.
- Please tell Justyna I'm here. I love her!
- Help me, please!
Shit! No, no, no!
Oh, Justyna, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
We're getting a real tree.
Hello?
Listen!
You all were scared
of partying with Tadeusz!
Ah!
You having fun yet? Are you having fun?
Yeah, fuck it!
- Quiet!
- And all angels we have...
What example are we setting for the kids?
Kids-shmids!
Liberation!
On high sweet...
Kids should all stay...
...in an orphanage!
Jingle bells...
Hello!
- Flush.
- Fuck no!
Don't talk back.
...your old man
Looks after you and cares
This isn't...
Ah.
Good night, sweet baby.
Close your weary eyes again.
Dream about the most beautiful future
you'd ever be able to imagine.
Eryk.
AAH IT'SDOROTA
MISSED CALL, 37 NOTIFICATIONS
Remember to flush,
young explorer... young explorer...
Remember...
- Good morning!
- Hey.
Sweet Jesus from N...
Jesus from Nazareth. Jeez.
- I slept well last night.
- Pipe down.
Oh, my head.
What time is it?
Ugh, my leg.
- Oh, I know, I know.
- No, I get it. I'm not saying anything.
So will the sitter get Gawe?
Yeah, yeah, I'll arrange it.
Uh, well, should I ask her to get...
- Uh, Anka? Anka, right?
- Yeah, if you don't mind.
Remember yesterday, uh,
when we said that we're all shitty...
That we're bad parents?
- I am a bad parent.
- Sure. You.
I'm worn out.
They look up at me with those eyes,
always asking questions.
"Dad, Dad."
They think that I'll have
the answers to everything.
Who am I to teach them
anything about life?
You're Head of the Parents' Committee.
Paweek yells. He shouts at me.
One time I spanked him.
I'd lost my temper.
But now he's been threatening me,
saying he'll tell his dad
and that he has photos.
I'm so stupid.
No.
Sweetie, you're not stupid.
Really. It's just pure blackmail.
When we got the ultrasound
showing that Daniel would be, uh...
I mean, that he...
That he'd be the way he is...
I had told my wife that...
'Cause I had wanted my wife to...
Despite what I tend to say and...
And, I mean...
I just got so afraid
that I wouldn't manage and...
The truth is...
it's so difficult raising a child.
It's really fucking hard.
But then, on top of that...
It's a... a lot and...
But I love him like crazy.
A fucking lot.
No, wait, stop.
Sorry about swearing. It's...
Aw.
Mmm.
That was beautiful.
- Good morning!
- Huh?
Considering the circumstances, I guess...
...the show will be canceled for today?
- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- No.
- It won't?
We've got this. We'll manage.
They're expecting a play, and we'll do it.
I'm gonna lose my mind.
- We won't make it.
- Of course we won't make it without...
Justyna.
Uh-huh. Oh, thanks.
I just spoke with Kinga's sitter.
Justyna didn't come home last night.
I didn't see her upstairs.
- Locker room.
- The kitchen?
Justyna?
I'm awake.
We have a play to put on.
No.
This is your night look, huh?
Actually, it's your day look.
Jesus!
What kind of Nativity play
would it be without Mary?
A shorter one.
A fighter never quits.
Yeah.
Hey.
Ah!
Justyna!
- Oh, no.
- Justy!
Justyna!
Justyna, come on!
Stop acting childish!
It's gonna be a cool play.
- Good morning.
- Hello.
- Justyna!
- What?
- Come on.
- What is it?
Ah, Jesus!
You're so annoying, you know that?
Leave me alone!
Yeah?
Oh wow.
- I'm not doing it.
- Yes, of course you are.
Do it for your daughter.
She's scared of me.
We could just be done.
Forget about the damn play.
I'm really sorry I fucked up the play.
And, I mean, now, of course,
I'm trying to cover it all up
with some flashy gesture
as fucking always.
I decide to go to some meeting
instead of just being home with the kid.
I mean, what kind of person does that?
And I might never be a good dad to him.
I mean...
Come on, Joseph.
- Hmm!
- Ah, well...
- I love Christmas for this reason.
- Aw!
Listen...
Do you think everyone heard me fart?
No, they didn't.
Okay.
Come on!
Oh, Justyna, speaking of Tytus...
Good morning, good morning.
We're starting any minute now.
Dad, look, the tree is broken.
Get in place.
Good morning. Hi.
Hang up your coat
and go find us a seat, okay?
Hey, Tytus.
So, anything you want to say?
Other than how you left Tytus
with a drug addict last night?
He's more like a dealer.
Wait, Dorota!
We'll talk after the play, all right?
'Cause I'm pretty sure
you're gonna have plenty to say.
- Excuse me for barging in.
- What? Did something bad happen again?
No, nothing happened.
Eryk and I talked.
We wanted to present you with an offer.
This is my seat!
Watch this, huh?
JUNKOLAND
His caretaker
will have to come every day
and spend a few hours with him.
Understood.
Does that work for you as well?
Theoretically, it does.
It won't be an easy task.
Logistically and all.
- Let's see what happens.
- Eryk, Justyna, let's go!
Dear children, dear parents.
Welcome, everyone,
to Little Ray of Sunshine's
annual Nativity play.
What is a Nativity play?
- No, you haven't heard of that?
- I know!
Okay, Krystyna.
You'll start, okay?
I don't know my lines.
- Who has the script?
- Is there one?
I don't remember.
It came out but then stopped being mine.
No, don't worry, okay?
Don't worry about it.
We're gonna improvise this one.
Are we?
Improvise?
And the greatest clarity we can encounter
is through the mistakes that we make.
And that is why, my dear children,
I wish you all incredible decisions
that lead to beautiful,
wonderful mistakes.
You said it yourself.
Children don't want scripted crap.
They want fun or action.
Truth.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Hmm.
Because I'd like to see some normal,
smart people in this country.
So we're improvising!
One second, uh...
I just wanted...
...to say it's, um, a new era for Tadeusz.
A Tadeusz
who doesn't impose himself on anyone,
and who listens and...
And who is emotional.
- I'd like to welcome you all now...
- Shh! Let's go.
...to the long awaited
Nativity Play! Bravo!
Uh, yeah!
Mary, uh...
- Joseph!
- Don't!
- Uh...
- Here, um...
Give me the gun!
- Ah!
- Jesus!
- Take it away from him!
- No, hey, don't worry! It's just...
I'm really sorry!
Dear parents, I'm... I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. Everything's under control.
The music! Start the music!
- Hey, hey! No, it's fine! Come on! Wait!
- Ra! Ra!
- This is still a kindergarten!
- Children!
It's all okay, my dears!
We're all safe!
It's okay, dear. We're okay.
- Tadeusz, give me that.
- Don't worry, everybody!
I'm a nutrition.. Ugh!
Stay with your parents!
Aw, our play. We messed it up!
Pass me that lovely little gun
My dear, my darling one
The cleaners are coming, one by one
You don't even want to let them start...
What's up, Tytus.
So look...
I want to ask you something.
You still have six more months
of kindergarten, right?
So I've been thinking...
Do you maybe want me
to come to school with you?
I'd be your caretaker.
It's just a fancy name.
'Cause, actually...
I would really like to be coming here
with you more as your...
Well, I guess...
Children
...as your pal.
Is that okay with you?
Lift up your voice
Lift up your voice...
Children
Rejoice, rejoice
Ha!
Come to mama.
Over here. Oh!
Children...
Right?
Come on.
We're all weeping now, weeping because
There ain't nothing we can do
To protect you
Children
Lift up your voice, lift up your voice
Children
A NIGHT AT THE KINDERGARTEN
Rejoice
Hey little train, we're jumping on
The train that goes to the Kingdom
We're happy, Ma
We're having fun
And the train
Ain't even left the station
Hey little train, wait for me
I once was blind, but now I see
Have you left a seat for me?
Is that such a stretch
Of the imagination?
Soon you'll be a big boy
Just a few more years
Nothing will disturb your peace
You'll be strong, you'll have no fears
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
You're ten, fifteen
You're twenty years old
But you still haven't had
Enough of this world
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Soon you'll be a father
Your world will change
But you won't be alone
Grandpa will help
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
Because your grandpa is here
Because your grandpa is here
Because your grandpa is here
Because your father is here
Because your father is here
Because your father, your old man
Looks after you and cares
- See, Eryk?
- Yeah, we can...
- No, no, no. We'll clean it up.
- Yeah.