About Alex (2014) Movie Script
I've been in
search of stones
Making up the pavement
of less traveled roads
Mining for treasure
deep in my bones
That I never find
Went looking for reverence
Tried to find it in a bottle
And came
back again.
High on
a hash pipe...
Ben.
Your page's set?
Mm, yep.
Almost.
Jesus, Alex.
Hello?
Yes, this is him,
but I'm at work.
Used to have a freshman
roommate named Ben, but
that asswad hasn't
called me in ages.
What?
And no one was there?
He was...
Alone?
Yeah, of course he was alone.
That was stupid.
Yeah, I can probably
get up in a couple hours. I just
need a little bit of time
to get out of here.
Well, he's gonna be okay.
That's the most important thing.
Okay.
I gotta take this.
Hang on a sec.
Babe?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Just got to the office,
I'm gonna leave from there.
Oh and the answer,
well how could I miss
Something as simple as this
Did the hospital say when
they'd be able to release
him?
Said it might be tonight.
Might be in the morning.
Do we call them?
Because I feel like if we...
I called them already.
There's nothing else we can do.
Yeah.
Just keep straight.
Babe?
Mm?
I got the fellowship.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, I know.
When were you going to tell me?
What do you mean?
I'm telling you now.
Yeah, h-how long
have you known?
I found out yesterday.
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's
great for you, right?
It's a great opportunity.
- Yeah
- Yeah.
It is, but...
And then about us
moving out there.
I think we've had this
conversation like fifty times.
I can't just quit my
job and move to LA.
Sarah's train should
be getting in.
Okay.
I'm gonna stay here.
Josh!
Hey.
Hey, Sarah, uh, hi.
Hi.
It's good to see you.
Oh, yeah, it's good
to see you too.
Have you talked to Alex?
No, but I can't wait to
ask that fucker what the
hell he was thinking.
Um, you're not actually
going to say that to him,
- are you?
- Why not?
Because he's fragile and
that's not appropriate.
How do you know?
When was the last time
you talked to him?
That's what I thought.
What do you want to do, Sarah?
You wanna just tiptoe
around the whole thing?
Pretend like nothing happened?
No, no, I think we should...
I think we should make
him feel safe and...
Oh, okay.
Loved, and...
Yeah, and I think he's
going to think that that's
bullshit, and I think he's
going to see right through it.
Sarah!
What?
Josh!
Hey.
Hi!
And you!
We didn't even know
whether to expect you or not.
No, well...
Where's Isaac?
Is he up here yet with
the new lady friend?
Is that happening?
With the who?
Isaac's bringing someone?
Yeah.
His girlfriend.
I didn't know he
was seeing anyone.
It's recent.
She's 22.
No she's not.
Mhmm.
Is she?
What's wrong?
It's not like she's 11.
Calm down.
Okay, first of all, you're
disgusting, and second of
all, um, why does Isaac
think it's appropriate to
bring a date to...
How is it inappropriate?
I was this close to
bringing, I was this close
to bringing a date, and she
canceled at the last minute.
She had a thing.
Hi.
It's okay that
I'm coming, right.
Yeah, of course it's okay.
You said you wanted to
come, I said it's fine.
Of course it's fine.
Wait, what?
No, I didn't say
I wanted to come.
I said that I wanted to
be there for you if you
wanted me to be there.
Why would I tell you to
come if I didn't want you
to come.
I am so sorry, but we're
out of premium-class
vehicles.
Could we interest you in one
of our more affordable models?
Yeah, yeah. That's fine.
Anything with
wheels is fine. Thanks.
I shouldn't be here.
Babe...
I.. I wouldn't have
said you should come...
I'm just saying it's
an objective truth.
Japanese are the most
wacked-out people on earth.
Oh my God, you're like
an 8 year-old racist.
An 8 year-old racist...
Look, you cram that many
people on an island, it's
like a throbbing inbred
hothouse of cultural miasma.
Frankly, I'm surprised
they don't have more fetishes.
Oh shit.
Ben Ben!
You came.
Against my better
fucking judgment, I came.
Get the fuck over here.
How you doing?
Ben, get my back here please.
We're not just going to
pretend with Alex like
nothing happened here, right?
What are you going to say?
"Hey Alex.
Interesting choice
to commit suicide."
Thank you, Ben.
Excuse me.
- Hi!
- Oh my God...
I can't believe that you
have her side on this.
Hey, hey, hey.
There are no sides.
Let's just let
this be about Alex.
Right?
And speaking of which, I
think we should watch him.
What?
What, do you want to
set up like a monitoring system?
Yeah. Kind of, but it'd be
casual.
You know, tag in, tag out,
have somebody with him at
all times.
How about you go first.
You want to start?
This is ridiculous.
No it's not, Josh.
This, this is ridiculous.
- Is this not ridiculous?
- I Googled it.
You what?
I Googled it.
Case in point.
I'm gonna get some air.
Is there not air in here?
You came.
Of course I came.
How you feeling?
I'm good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I mean I, you know, considering.
Um, Alex look, about the call...
Don't, no no.
Don't tell me that we're having
a party in honor of my suicide.
Attempted suicide.
Geez, if it were a suicide
we'd both be wearing suits.
Can't treat it lightly, okay?
Maybe we should get
him a muffin basket.
I'm serious, the
first 48 hours...
Alex!
- Hi!
- Hey.
Jesus, Alex.
If you wanted to see all
of us, you could've just
shot us an email.
Wow.
We were going to pick you up.
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
This was...
Easy.
Well.
Do you need anything?
Do you want to sit down?
Um, I'm good.
- You're hungry?
- No.
Do you want me to
make you a sandwich?
Um...
No, I uh, actually I
think I'm going to go get
changed.
I feel a little gross,
you know what I mean?
Um, I'll keep you company.
Excuse me.
Way to act normal, by the way.
Way to be an asshole.
Real nice, just...
Sandwich, what, you want
to offer him anything
else?
So why'd you leave LA?
Um, I don't know.
I, I just, you know the
acting thing was only
going okay, and the city's
a fucking soul killer.
Yeah, I was running out
of cash, my mom was in
fucking Bali, my dad left me
this, and you were, you know...
We kind of lost touch.
What I was going to say
outside, when you first came...
Hey, the world's
got enough people.
You have to
explain yourself, too.
Josh is still an asshole.
If he's going to be like
this all weekend, I swear
to God...
He's just dealing
with it, you know.
In his own way.
And shouldn't Isaac know
there's no such thing as a
+1 to a friend's attempted
suicide weekend thing?
It's not a fucking Bar Mitzvah.
You know you sound like Josh.
Oh my God, you're right.
Ugh...
How are you?
How are you and Ben?
We're fine.
Okay, so, not so good fine.
What's going on?
Hey?
I'm late.
How late?
Late late.
Does Ben know?
Nope.
Hey.
Hi.
How you doing?
Good.
You need anything?
No, I'm still fine.
What?
Here.
Hey, where's the
bathroom in here?
Use the one upstairs.
Trust me.
Isaac is calling.
Hey, what's up?
Really?
Can your +1 not use a GPS?
I thought young people
were good at those things.
Be nice, Sarah.
Isaac is close, but lost.
You know what?
I'll just drive
out and meet him.
I'm gonna go get some firewood.
I'm gonna go pee in nature.
I'll stay and watch Alex.
I mean I'll...
Put on some pasta for dinner.
That sound good?
That sounds great.
You want to come with me?
Yeah, I'll come with you.
Great.
You clearly have no idea
what you're doing, do you?
Fuck you.
Here, give me it.
I know.
Let me try again.
No.
No?
No.
I thought you all of calc
21, and then you went off
and you did better
than me on the exam.
I'm not teaching you
how to chop wood.
It's not my fault you
have performance anxiety.
I perform just fine.
You don't have to
cook, you know.
It's okay.
It's the only thing
that relaxes me.
Really?
It's just...
Been a while since
I've seen everyone.
You know, if you need to
get something off your
chest, you should...
I don't need you of all
people to give me advice on...
I'm sorry.
No, it's...
I didn't mean that.
It's a fair point.
What?
They...
Are here.
Oh.
She's hot.
Your...
Your boobs are bigger.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Ugh.
No they're not.
Hey!
Look who I found.
Hey handsome.
Oh, you didn't have to fly all
the way across the country.
Are you kidding me? I wanted to.
Alex, Kate.
Kate, Alex.
Hey, I-I've heard
a lot about you.
I've heard a lot about you.
What the fuck are those?
That's how you say "hi" now?
They're shiny and pointy.
They're Italian, motherfucker.
You look like a lumberjack.
Oh, dude, if you'd told us
you were coming out of the
closet we could've
thrown you a party.
I told you my
friends are awesome.
Um, is there a
bathroom I could-
upstairs!
Dinner is almost ready.
Hey.
Yeah.
Sarah, this pasta is delicious.
Mm, it is pasta and
sauce from a can.
Tomorrow, I'll make
something real.
Instagram tells me you're
still cooking a lot.
Instagram lies.
Unless Ramen counts.
So that's what being
a lawyer's like.
Fulfilling all your
hopes and dreams?
Not all of us can stand to
destroy the planet on the
backs of hedge funds.
That's not what I meant.
I'm just saying, look, we
graduated, aside, aside
from you, at the onset of
the worst recession in 80 years.
History says that most of
us will never regain the
income levels that we
might have otherwise enjoyed.
Isaac here is a beautiful anomaly,
and for that, we salute him.
Thanks pal.
Appreciate it.
How's the uh, how's your
PhD going?
Mm.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's just a simple question.
Nah, it's had subtext.
Oh, you want the subtext?
Of course I want the subtext.
Don't you know who
you're talking to?
Did you forget who I am?
Okay, so how's life up on
your academic high horse,
uh, looking down on the
rest of us and despairing
about the decline
of our culture?
It's comments like those,
Isaac, that make me despair.
Actually, Josh, sorry, but
I'd like to know what the
hell you're doing there too.
Yeah, all joking aside,
what are you writing about?
I'm writing about the
future of biography.
How our ever-expanding
digital footprint, emails,
texts, tweets, will inform
our understanding of
history and ourselves.
Which is ironic.
Why?
Because I hate the modern world.
Which era would you
rather have lived in?
I'm sorry, what was
your name again?
It was Kate?
- Kate? Kate.
- Josh...
I'm just saying,
I'm sorry. It's Kate? Kate?
Yeah.
The only thing I hate
more than the present is
nostalgia for the past.
Hey, you don't have to do that.
No, no let me do something.
Nope!
You want to take shifts?
He's compensating for the
fact that he can't chop wood.
Oh my God, when'd you
get so mean, Josh?
You're so mean.
Probably the same time you
traded in for those shoes.
This whole footwear smear campaign
is really cutting me deep.
It's a real shame.
Maybe you should commit suicide.
What?
Is it too s-
Alex is laughing.
Look at that.
That's a good joke.
So how did you and Isaac meet?
Mm...
It's embarrassing.
Why?
Well, I was an, I was an
intern at his office, but
we didn't start dating
until after I left, of course.
Of course.
I think it's sweet.
Hey, I found two.
Great.
Thanks.
So are you going
to go with that?
Uh...
There's a whole chapter
devoted to hair implants.
You have to do it in his voice.
Or, no. Exhibit B: The mature
man's guide to style.
Oh my God, do not move.
Hold that up right now.
Please, just pose
with the cover please.
Oh yeah.
Would you like to hear
the section on hair plugs?
How's your novel, Ben?
It's good.
It'll be done soon.
Is it better or worse
than your New York story?
It is, without a doubt, longer.
God, I loved that story.
It was so good.
It's the only reason
Siri went out with me.
That's not true.
That's true.
- That's not true.
- It's true.
Maybe a little bit.
I think I still
have a copy here.
You know what we should do?
We should stage a
dramatic reading.
That is not going to happen.
Can you imagine?
Everybody would participate.
I'll be the roommate,
you could play...
Josh, really it's fine.
Sarah.
What?
Enough with the
fucking pictures.
I'm sorry, I'm recording
this for posterity.
Is that okay?
By what?
By ruining it in the present?
No, that's your job.
Okay, come on.
Hold on, hold on.
That's okay.
Sarah, let me ask you something.
What?
What, what are you going
to do with these pictures, huh?
Are you going to post
them on Facebook?
I don't know, maybe.
Would that make you mad?
You're clinically obsessed.
I like to see what
my friends are up to. Big deal.
So what, your news feed
tells you that Isaac got a
new pair of Italian
loafers or Ben, Ben wrote
a, a funny headline for
the post, and that makes
you feel like you
still know somebody?
Yeah, kind of, because
that's what people do now, Josh.
People who care, at least.
Well, you know what,
I'm sorry, but maybe I'd
rather be in the fucking
dark as to what people are
up to than mistake some
false level of intimacy
for friendship.
That is such bullshit.
We're still friends.
Isaac is on his BlackBerry
sending emails to San
Francisco right now.
Enough. Isaac...
Yeah?
Remember when I got
stoned for the first time?
When we went to the
natural history museum?
I remember you freaking out.
Yeah.
And you had to make me
dance and make me feel better?
And you did the devil dance?
Oh my God.
Devil dance.
Devil dance?
- I totally
- it's my favorite thing.
I thought you hated dancing.
Isaac doesn't d-, Isaac dances.
Okay, so what was
Isaac like in college?
Dorky.
Uncultured.
Pretty much exactly
what he is right now.
I was pretty dorky.
Okay, so you were
really adorable.
Yeah, thanks.
So what do you do, Kate?
I work at a suicide and
crisis hotline for teens
in the bay area.
That sounded strange. I'm
sorry, I didn't realize
until it came out of my mouth.
Shame I didn't have your number.
You could've solved
all my problems.
Why did you lie?
When?
Alex, about the book.
I didn't lie.
I said the book will be
done soon and it will.
Why not just say it's
still in research.
Just, you know?
Because maybe this weekend
isn't about my problems.
If you want to schedule
some time to do that, we can
find it.
She seems really sweet.
Stop it.
Tell us all about your
illicit office romance.
Hmm?
You're being so annoying.
Did you play naughty intern?
That's not what happened.
What, I think it's hot.
Go to sleep.
All of you, go to sleep.
Get out of here.
I'm ready to go to sleep.
I'm over it.
I'll go with you.
Good night.
Night guys.
Night.
Just gonna hang out?
How many times does she
wake up during the night?
Like do you have to feed
her, like, I don't know,
hour and a half?
You're such an asshole.
Cause my friend, I have
some friends who have
kids, and they say
it's like Vietnam.
Go fuck yourself.
He had been calling me a lot.
Mm?
Alex...
Not too much to talk
about, just checking in.
Always asking about the book.
"How's the book?
How's the book going?
How you doing
on the book?"
Got to the point where I
was screening his calls.
The taste in my
mouth, it's good.
Agh!
Isn't it so funny how
we're all breathing under
the same roof again.
Do you ever wish we
could just go back?
Sometimes.
Actually, no I don't.
I really don't.
Why?
Not at all.
Because I...
I don't know, I guess I
was mainly just scared.
Of what?
Of you all.
The possibility that
you didn't like me.
That's ridiculous.
It's the truth.
I remember that that
feeling did not go away.
Until, um, until junior
year when Ben had me at
his parents' place for Easter.
We took the train
there and back.
Barely talked, but you
know, it was, it was
better than talking.
It was just...
Just nice.
Hm?
I don't know how to say this.
But, have you ever thought
about going to therapy?
Because, I've done
it a lot, and...
You have?
Yeah.
Why?
Seriously?
Yeah, you're fine.
Oh, um, let me think, how
I'm constantly anxious and
I can never pinpoint why,
and how ever since college
I can only be with guys
who are assholes or
married or both...
Has the therapy helped?
I mean, I take Xanax now.
That helps, and also, you
know, the other stuff is
helpful.
It's through, it's
complicated, though.
My therapist kind of
thinks that it's very deep
rooted in my childhood and...
I'm s-sorry I'm
talking about myself.
I'm so self-absorbed.
This is why I'm in therapy.
No it isn't!
No it isn't.
You just need sleep.
I know, but are you okay?
Do you need something
right now before we go to sleep?
Sarah, you're going to have
to stop asking me that, okay?
Mmm...
You're very nice.
Well, I think you're doing
a really good job, and I'm
just going to wait here
until you fall asleep.
Alright, forget it.
Good night, thank you.
I'm glad you're here.
Isaac.
Isaac!
Uh huh?
You're awake?
Unh...
What do you like about me?
What?
You waited too long.
Baby, it's the
middle of the light.
Well now, now I can't
trust what you say because
it didn't just come to you.
Wait can we, can we just
talk about this in the morning?
No, we can't talk about
it in the morning.
I think, I think your
friends think I'm...
Stupid and young.
They don't think you're
stupid or young.
You're neither.
Go back to sleep.
We'll talk about this tomorrow.
But...
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Oh, you know what I
wanted to tell you?
What's that show that you like?
The one with, with all the
ladies and they're in a city.
What is it? What is that?
The real housewives?
- Yeah, I don't
- the real housewives.
No, no, no, but I was
watching that show.
No you weren't.
No, it was on, and I was
there, and I couldn't look
away, and do you
want to know why?
Oh, shut up.
Sarah, do you want to know why?
Because I realized why you
love that show so much.
Because at its core, it's
about the human condition.
No.
What?
I thought they hated each other.
They do and they don't.
It's like a weird
game they play.
Your friends are fucked up.
They prefer complicated.
Sarah and Josh.
Just like old times.
I wonder why I let
this keep happening.
I don't know, Sarah.
Maybe because you want it to.
No, it's just something
I think I want and then
later I feel awful about.
You alright?
Yes.
Are Ben and Siri acting
weird, or is it just me?
It's just you.
You think they heard us?
How would I know?
Well, I don't know.
She's a light
sleeper, that Siri.
And you're very loud.
You've gotten louder.
What is that supposed
to mean "she's a light sleeper?"
Oh, I thought you were
talking about the fact
that you got louder.
I don't, you know,
remember in college with
those dorky little
orange earbuds?
And she will still
complain about being woken
up by the church bells?
You're still in love with her.
I'm not still in love with her.
Yes you are.
I'm not still in
love with her, Sarah.
I just find it fascinating
that Ben seems to get
everything that
he wants in life?
Can I ask you a question?
Where do you get off
thinking the whole world
is conspiring against you?
You want to go again?
No.
What?
You're a dick.
Yeah.
All men are dicks, Sarah.
We're hardwired that way.
Yeah, but you're a dick
who thinks he's better
than a dick because he
can back up his dickish
behavior with psychobabble
and pseudoscience.
Yeah, blah blah blah blah blah.
Let's go again.
I don't want to.
I think it would be a
good idea to go again.
You can't go again.
I can go again.
There are three stages
of finding friends in college.
The first is desperation.
Second is panic.
The third is fate.
When you wind up at
the same table together
somehow, then your
real life begins.
Busted!
Does everyone else know.
Paper-thin walls.
Perfect.
No one is judging.
Ugh, besides me.
It's like I'm this mature,
successful, adult woman,
except when I'm with Josh,
it's like I'm back in
sophomore year and I'm
just total insecure, and...
It's complicated.
He was your first.
It's not complicated.
He's using me.
Who's to say you
aren't using him?
My therapist, actually.
Josh is a man-child who
uses sex, I'm serious, as
a means of processing
deep-seated emotional issues.
And you are an overworked
tax attorney who could
stand to get laid.
I'm a...
Mergers and acquisitions
attorney who could stand
to get laid, thank you.
Whatever.
Are you still...
With...
I think I might be a little...
What?
You don't run.
Well, I'm thinking
of picking it up.
Alex, you're still recovering.
Why don't you take it easy?
I can always stop.
I have been trying to get
motivated all morning.
Come with me.
Yeah?
How'd you sleep?
Fine, why?
Really?
Just wanted to make
sure you weren't being attacked.
- There was a lot of...
- God.
So how's Brooklyn?
It's fine.
Come visit.
Sorry, sorry sorry.
You okay?
Yeah.
You'd better be fine.
I um, I saw the pictures
you posted the other day.
Yeah?
Uh, were you and Ben went
to all the thrift shops
and...
Made your place
look so home-like?
Yeah.
Yeah I did.
Now all you need is
a golden retriever.
What?
What's going on?
I got a job offer in LA.
Alright!
It's a dream kind of offer.
That's great.
So then what's the bad news?
Ben's been resisting
at every turn.
Fighting a lot about
going, fighting about
staying, just, we haven't
even made love in...
Weeks, and.
Didn't need to know that part.
I'm sorry, I...
I just think some space
would be good for us both.
Wait, wait, no, no, um...
You and Ben are
going to be fine.
Okay?
Ben's probably just
stressed out right now.
He'll figure it out.
He'll finish his book and...
What?
Ben is...
Well, for starters he's blocked.
Blocked?
Please, don't say
anything, obviously.
He hasn't written
anything in almost a year.
Ha ha, look who it is.
It's about time, you lazy bum.
Lazy?
It's not like you let
me sleep, you and Sarah.
How's Siri?
Siri...
Is on a run.
Okay.
And she's back.
Ben, can I ask you something?
Was it difficult, as a couple,
when the iPhone 4s came out?
Because I can imagine,
here you are, minding your
own business, and then everybody's
asking her a question.
You're a fucking idiot.
Just a second!
Oh.
It's all yours.
Thank you.
Hey, um...
I'm sorry about what
I said last night.
I'm...
It's okay.
Don't worry.
You're not even 48 hours
removed from a traumatic event.
You're suddenly the center
of love and attention and you're
feeling mildly manic
and also oddly angry.
I imagine you're also
experiencing mood-cycling
and you're scared as hell
of the next time you'll
crash, so, no.
I'm not taking it personally.
Good.
Don't worry, though.
You'll level off.
What, uh...
What style of yoga is that?
What, what form is that?
I took a yoga class once.
Yeah, but it wasn't for me.
No, yeah, uh, mhmm.
I'm going to give
you some space.
You know what I miss?
I miss living down
the hall from you.
I could always pop over
whenever I wanted to talk.
You just hate sleeping
alone and you needed
somebody to talk to about Josh.
Don't be naive.
Don't be naive about what?
Isaac...
Sarah...
I always wanted
you to make a move.
That's funny.
I'm serious.
But you always,
you always said that we shouldn't
because were such good friends.
Oh, yes, that is what I
said, but that is not what
I wanted.
You're impossible,
you know that?
I'm impossible?
Yeah, you're totally impossible.
You're impossible!
Shit!
Sorry that...
Oh, is that butter?
No no no, don't wipe
it off, I got it.
- It's cream right there.
- Cheese.
It's cream cheese! Perfect!
Thank you.
I'm gonna go wash up babe.
Morning.
Good morning.
I've got great
Southern exposure, so I
was thinking of
installing a solar array.
And um, maybe a few
rainwater basins too.
That sounds great, Alex.
Then you'd have everything
you need to start a cult.
I'm in.
Hey, what do you think the
girls are doing right now?
I don't know, their hair?
What if we propose
an elaborate swap.
Yeah, I think you'd be thrilled.
The numbers aren't even.
Ow!
The numbers are plenty even.
I've done, look...
Alex, you get sweet nubile Kate.
Oh great.
Isaac, you get Sarah.
I get Siri, 'cause, well,
that's all that's left.
And Ben, you get published
in the new yorker.
That's hilarious.
The fuck was that?
I don't know, a dog?
Well, the boys better be
close, or they're gonna
get drenched.
You want to go on a food run?
I've just been
feeling a little sick.
I'll go.
Oh, would you?
Yeah.
Great.
Would you, uh, pick
something up for me?
Yes.
- Now?
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Cool.
Have fun!
Boy, where'd you come from?
There aren't that
many houses over here.
Hello?
Anyone lose a dog?
She looks hungry.
You want some of that?
Whoa, what are you doing, man?
You don't feed a strange dog.
Why not?
Cause you'll just confuse
it and make everything
worse.
That's bullshit.
Hey, look, as much as I
want to hang out with this
dog all day long, um, has anyone
else noticed it's pouring?
We can't just leave it here.
Owner should've put
some tags on him.
Owner should've what?
Let me see your pen.
Okay, so the dog should be
punished for its owner's sins?
Are you a republican now?
So what if I am?
So what if, what?
Ben, did he tell you about this?
Yum, grape...
Hey, will this work?
Uh, oh God no, that's not good.
So, when did you and Isaac meet?
Freshman year.
He lived down the hall from me.
I was so nervous to
come on this trip.
Really?
Isaac looks up to
you guys so much.
It's like...
Meeting his parents but
worse, because there's
five of you.
Well, be thankful you're
not meeting his parents.
His mom is crazy.
I'm so jealous of you.
Why?
Because, you guys just
have all these shared
experiences that
I'll never have.
Well, you know Isaac.
He was...
Shy and sweet.
Really sweet.
He's the only one of us
from the Midwest, so...
He's the least neurotic
of the bunch by far.
I can see that.
Yeah.
He takes me out to fancy
dinners all the time and
it's really nice, but
it's not why I like him.
Why do you like him?
Because he's grounded.
And he's so kind.
And...
The other day, we celebrated our
quarter-year anniversary.
Which is ridiculous.
It's so ridiculous.
But it made me really
happy, and I think he's
got the right priorities,
which is rare.
Everything okay.
Yeah.
Ugh! So many mushrooms.
Ooh, watermelon.
There you are.
Hey, big news.
What?
Isaac voted for bush.
That's not the news.
We found a dog.
Oh my God.
Where did you guys find it?
At the river in the woods.
I'm going to go take a shower.
Alex, hold on, would you give
me one second, I can come in.
What, what, what, what?
You're gonna come with
me and, and bathe me?
That's not what I
was going to say.
Okay, I'm fucking fine, okay?
Okay?
Everybody, I...
Thank you for your
concern, but I am fucking
fine, and just please,
stop following me around,
okay?
What do we do?
He said he's fucking fine.
I'm going to check
on him in a minute.
You know, I think he is, okay?
How do you know?
I just know.
Hey.
Ha!
Sweet nectar and ambrosia.
There's more in the car.
Oh my gosh!
Who is this!
You know Josh.
He makes friends
everywhere he goes.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
Jeff Goldblum.
Done.
Jeff Goldblum!
Yeah.
The dog was in the fly?
I think it's good.
You don't name
a dog "Jeff."
Why would it be
named Jeff Goldblum?
It wouldn't be named Jeff,
it would be named Jeff Goldblum.
How do you know the dog
is Jewish, first of all?
How did you just assume?
How did you make that call?
That's the dog's name. You're
welcome.
Jeff Goldblum.
Then name the dog, please.
I think he likes the name Timmy.
Timmy, you're good, huh?
Timmy's a good name.
Come here, come here, come here.
Shh, shh.
Wait, hold on guys, seriously.
I think I can hear
Timmy's thoughts.
Gee, I sure am glad I'm inside
right now.
Instead of being out there
in the cold and rain.
The mean man with the
effeminate shoes didn't
want me to come.
Hey!
Timmy would kill
for these shoes.
But I'll bite his ass later.
Why do we just assume
that dogs talk like that?
I mean, it's not like a
dog just opened his mouth
one day and that's what
it sounded like and we
assigned that voice to it.
Ignore them, Timmy.
Timmy?
That's his name.
Hey, I just thought
of something.
What?
Um, I told Siri earlier
how much I loved your
place, and all you guys
were missing was a dog,
and now...
One appears!
You have your chance.
We're not getting a dog.
Siri, it's not a dog.
It's Timmy.
Yeah.
I'm not just a dog, I need a
house, and I like you
guys the best.
You guys have that
little backyard.
It can run back and forth...
Yeah.
Timmy, where do you want to go?
He says, he says
he wants it too.
That's too bad.
So, uh, what are
we making Sarah?
We are making chilled
watermelon soup and sea scallop
Risotto.
What?
What are we making again?
I'm sorry, can you
do something helpful?
Did you say Risotto?
Can you please do
something helpful?
The joint's not going
to roll itself, Sarah.
And I'm making a magical
appetizer dish that's
going to make your
Risotto so much better.
Alright, please?
Please what?
Uh oh.
What?
Give me a break, I'm
not listening to that.
What?
It's like we're gripped by
this never-ending nostalgia
for our parents' music.
It's oppressive.
What about Bruce
Springsteen is oppressive?
Let me tell you something
about Bruce Springsteen,
okay?
Never, never trust anyone
who is that passionate
about the state of New Jersey.
You are so full of shit.
Okay.
Hmm?
What is he gonna do now.
What've we got.
Arcade fire?
Yes. Arcade fucking fire.
What?
What's wrong with this.
Too Canadian.
What does that mean?
Too Canadian, really?
Does, does this
look too Canadian?
Really?
But who knows.
I don't know.
Maybe it fits our
postmodern profile for a
Canadian band to best
express American anxiety
during this gradual
post-empire period of decline.
Blah, blah, blah,
bullshit, blah.
Miss Kate?
Oh I don't,
I don't normally smoke.
Honey, it's not going to bite.
Okay.
Fine.
I like Kate.
There you go.
Alright.
Alex, where did you
get these records?
I feel like I'm
at a garage sale.
I, I bought them at a garage
sale.
Babe?
I'm okay.
What's going on?
Come on...
Look, if now is not the
time to get fucked up, I
really, I don't.. I
don't know when is.
Fuck it.
I'm dancing.
I'm gonna dance too.
Oh, here we go.
You should prepare
yourself for this.
This is what you
call a home run.
- Turn it up!
- That's right.
See that? Isaac,
who's the dancer now?
That's right Kate, Isaac
don't know these moves.
He won't show you these moves.
Hello.
What is up?
This looks terrible.
Thanks.
How serious were
you this morning?
About what?
You know what.
I just thought...
No, you know what, I'm
sorry I said anything.
I shouldn't have said anything.
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry.
- Okay, then...
- Isaac!
Yeah.
Get your anti-government
ass in here.
Come on.
I gotta go show those
fools how to dance.
Don't know
what you want.
So if you come round here, don't
make it clear, I want to be your man
What?
What's up?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Since when do you
turn down a joint?
I'm just not in the mood.
Then tell me something.
I'm dying over here.
I didn't want to influence you.
On what?
It should just be about us.
Really.
Oh... are you,
are you s...
Are you saying...
I don't know.
Are you sure?
No, I'm not sure.
Just...
Feeling.
I got a test today, but...
What does that look mean?
I'm, um...
I'm imagining a baby that
looks half like you and
half like me.
That tends to happen.
No.
What if I moved to LA?
I mean, sure when I got
there I'd be unemployed
and probably have to bus
tables or whatever those
people in LA do until they...
Make better money, but...
And please don't say that
if you don't mean it.
Of course I mean it.
All I'm saying is let's try.
You want to try with me?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah!
I used to live alone, but I found
you so certain I'm yours to take.
Now I can't wait for all the
mistakes we've yet to make
Now shake
it up baby...
Food's ready, you guys.
You guys!
Thank you.
Wow.
Mm.
This food is so
incredible, Sarah.
Oh God.
You guys, you're welcome.
You are incredibly
stoned right now.
I would just like
to point that out.
Sarah, we are barely high.
Come on.
Okay, some of us
might be a little high.
Oh, sweetie.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just really like how
cold it feels on my tongue.
Okay.
How come you haven't opened
up your own restaurant yet?
What's the deal?
Mm, it's called
law school loans.
How come we didn't do
more drugs in college?
That's a good question.
I figured that I would be
far less curious now if I
had just done a better job of
doing more drugs in college.
Well, you know we had a
good run freshman year.
Mhmm.
You remember that time
Siri ate that weed brownie
and ran through someone's
yard buck-naked?
Stop it!
Oh touchy!
It's true! You did!
Stop it!
What happened to us?
We got serious.
And we got girlfriend.
Oh, hey, okay.
You know what this is like?
This is like one of
those '80s movies.
What?
Like one of those movies
where there's like a big
group of people...
I just don't see why
everything in our lives
has to be like something else.
That's real deep Siri.
I'm serious.
It's like we can't just
experience something and
let it be.
'Cause that's the way
the people relate today.
They don't, they don't
talk about anything.
They just reference things.
Thank, thank you.
Oh yeah, I had a great weekend.
I went to this wedding.
You know actually, it
was a lot like "wedding
crashers," but
meets "memento."
That sounds like a good weekend
yeah, it probably does sound
cool. Who knows?
Or like, I don't know
how I was feeling, it was
probably, probably how
Rachel felt when Ross was
marrying that British girl.
Well, time out.
I'm pretty sure you just
admitted to watching "friends."
Yes. You did. He did.
There are Libyan refugees
who've seen "friends."
Oh, I have never felt this
stoned in my whole life.
Wow, okay.
It's hot. It's hot. It's hot.
It's hot in here.
It's pot.
It's pot?
Oh, that's a funny joke.
Well,
whoa!
Whoa, okay.
Okay, that's a fun game
we're not going to play
right now.
Is this a joke?
Are you my dad?
Oh, that's me, sorry.
Are you sure you want
to answer right now?
Maybe don't answer right now.
And she answers it.
Uh huh?
Tonight?
Yeah, it's okay if..
Could be important.
No, of course I'm okay.
Okay.
Bye.
Oh my God.
Hmm?
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Oh my God oh my God oh my God
oh my God oh my God oh my God.
What is it?
Are you alright?
I'm so screwed.
They just asked me to cover
the crisis hotline tonight.
Now?
Yeah.
Wow.
Can you say no?
I can't breathe.
No, I think you're
going to do a great job.
I agree, she is going
to knock 'em dead.
Hey! That's not funny.
I can't breathe.
That's a little funny.
No it's going to be okay.
It's going to be fine.
No, it's not okay.
No it's not okay, it's
not okay, it's not okay!
Okay, hang on for a bit.
Isaac, this is a big deal.
People are going to die.
They're not going to die.
Hey, hey, Kate?
So, I have some
Xanax in my purse.
I'm going to go get it, okay?
I have Klonopin right here.
I've got one in my pocket.
Yeah, but Xanax kicks in faster.
Klonopin lasts longer.
Which one do you prefer, Timmy?
Timmy likes Klonopin.
Well Xanax gives me a headache!
It's going to be fine.
It's... you're going to be
talking
just like you're talking to me.
But Klonopin has a little more
bite!
Okay, so there you go,
and now you have the best
anti-anxiety medicine
money can buy.
That's debatable.
Not helping. Stop.
There we go. Let's get Upsies.
Ohoho.
Ohh, alright!
Hey!
She's up!
Okay.
Josh.
What?
When did you start taking meds?
What?
Prescription drugs.
When did you start taking them?
The Klonopin thing?
Yeah.
I don't want to talk about it.
Why?
Because I don't want
to talk about it.
I'm just curious.
I'm not judging.
I went to a therapist
once, and I don't go
anymore.
And they gave me that.
Just once?
I started going when I
realized I was writing a
dissertation that probably
no one in their right mind
is ever going to read.
Let's play a game.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Alright, I actually have a game.
Ready? Get out of there.
What are the rules, then?
Okay.
Good question.
The rules are that there
are no rules until you
write them on a card.
Okay, are we in?
Yeah, let's do it okay.
I'll go first.
Okay.
Everyone one must pat
their heads and rub their
bellies before playing a
card, or they have to take
a drink.
What are we doing?
Playing an imbecilic game.
Sounds good, I'm in.
Woo hoo!
Okay.
Okay, that's great, but
you have to rub your belly
and pat your head before you...
Can we stop saying belly?
It's...
Belly. Rub it.
Before you speak, you must
turn to the person on your
left, introduce
yourself, then hug.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Come on big guy.
Let's do this.
Absolute... get the fuck,
get away from me.
You didn't introduce yourself.
You just read the card.
You didn't introduce yourself.
You didn't introduce
yourself either.
That's fair, okay.
Hello, my name is Sarah.
It's really nice to meet
you, and now we are...
Okay, fine.
Hi, I'm Josh.
This game is slowly
making me stupider.
Okay, I'll do it.
No, I got you.
Hold on.
Okay, first off, I have to..
Yeah.
Hi, how are you.
Hello.
Really?
Yeah. It's part of the game.
Why don't you read it?
Um, suicide.
Everyone take a turn and
explain what it means to you.
Good job, man.
Thank you.
Uh, this card makes all of
Josh's rules invalid and
can be played at any time.
You can't do that.
Just did.
Sorry, the card says you
can play the card at any time.
It goes against the
underlying architecture of
the game of laying
cards and taking turns.
For being all strict about it,
you didn't introduce yourself.
Neither the fuck did you!
Okay, Josh.
Let's, uh, let's do that.
But you, you start.
Let's not.
No no, let's do it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I get sadness, okay?
I certainly get anxiety.
I get depression.
I'm pretty sure that I'm
experiencing one of those
things at all times, but
what I don't understand
is, Alex, is suicide,
because never once have I
not been absolutely
terrified of my own death,
and what that might do
to everyone around me.
I'm done.
I don't want to play
this game anymore.
No, I think this is
a really good game.
We've been dancing around
the main point of this
trip all weekend.
I mean Jesus Christ.
Nobody would even talk
about the downstairs
bathroom, let alone walk
in there.
Alex, I've been in there.
It's a fucking mess.
So let's open that door.
Literally, metaphorically,
pardon the pun.
Josh, stop.
Sarah, please shut up.
I think Alex should,
should give it to us
straight here.
You know?
Tell us all what a good
job we all did of fucking
him up when he was down.
How we all noticed his
increasingly erratic
tweets and status updates,
and how we all thought
enough to do something about it.
Alright.
Sarah...
Let her go, she'll be fine.
You're a piece of
shit, you know that?
I'm a truth teller.
Alex has been saying some,
no offense, you've been
saying some weird
stuff for a while.
And you can't
blame us for not...
Being able to see that
there was a bigger problem.
Some weird stuff?
I'm sorry, what was it
exactly Alex, that it...
Does anybody remember?
"Ask for me tomorrow and
you shall find me a grave man?"
Lot of ambiguity in that one.
Where the fuck were you?
That's my point?
Where the fuck were any of us?
Okay, okay, um...
Alex called me a lot that day.
He called me a lot
that week, and uh...
And I didn't answer.
I didn't answer even though I
knew he wasn't doing well.
The truth is, none of this
would've happened if I
would've been a better
friend to my friend.
No...
So, this one's on me.
No it's not, Ben, please.
No. It's not, I mean, I...
Yeah, I, I was upset that
you were not answering my
calls, but I...
I didn't want to die.
What?
Well, I, know, I mean, I...
I thought I, I
thought I did. I did. I...
If you didn't want
to die then, w...
I did, but then I, I
changed my mind, and I
called the hospital
myself, and... you know,
I, I think...
I, I really think that I
just wanted to, you know,
to see you, and...
You wanted to see me?
Well yeah, I mean, no,
but, you, and everyone.
Right right, everyone.
Right.
You wanted to see
everyone, so you slit your
wrists, but not enough so
you would die, but..
I'm not saying that it makes
sense, I'm...
You're right, it makes
absolutely no sense, Alex.
It makes no fucking sense.
Do you have any idea what
I've been going through?
What I've been
thinking and feeling?
- Yes, yes I do. I do.
- You do?
- Please tell me-
- I'm sorry.
Oh you're sorry?
I was trying to get
in touch with you.
I have a job man!
Fucking duties!
I have a fucking deadline!
Oh yeah, you were so busy?
I have a fucking job! Yes I was
fucking busy!
When you were writing your
book that you haven't been
writing for a year?
Is that what you were
doing that you couldn't
answer the phone one time?
Ben...
Hey.
Hey, Sarah, come here.
What?
Look at me.
Sarah...
I'm sorry, okay?
Sometimes things,
they need to be said.
And in those instances,
being an asshole comes in handy.
You okay?
Stop.
What?
Josh, stop.
Seriously.
Come on.
All that talk about death?
Eugh.
Tell me you don't want to.
No, stop.
What?
You know what I want?
I want you to have acted
like my boyfriend 7 years ago.
Taken me to a movie, bought
me a fucking ice cream cone.
That's what I want.
Instead of being the guy
who permanently fucked up
my expectations
for normalcy in a relationship.
The guy that made me
explain to my mom that
"no, Josh isn't exactly
my boyfriend, he is just
someone who sleeps with me
when he comes home pining
for my best friend, too
drunk to see straight."
Sarah, I was 20.
So was I.
I...
My dad had just left my mom.
Is that your excuse?
I was angry.
Okay?
I was angry.
I was angry at my dad, I
was angry at fucking Ben.
What, you didn't even see
what you were doing to me?
One minute.
What's your name?
Amber?
Wow, that's a pretty name.
How old are you?
What's up?
What's going on?
Man, I'm sorry about that Amber.
That's tough to feel like
you've finally found that
person, the right
person for you and...
They don't feel the same.
Mm.
Hey, Amber, Amber, Amber.
Most people I know, most
people in the world,
they're actually really afraid
to feel what you're feeling.
They won't even let themselves.
But you, you're...
You're willing to go there.
And to me, that means
that you're very brave.
And...
To me that means that you
are going to be just fine.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Will you pinch me again?
What?
On why you want to try?
I want to.
I'm ready.
I know.
Tell me more.
I just need reasons.
Why?
Because it turns
out that I'm not.
It turns out it
was a false alarm.
I guess I was just worried
that maybe you got caught up in
the moment and said some
things that you didn't
really mean, and maybe
someday you'd regret them,
so...
I just...
Ben...
Please say something.
I don't, I don't know.
It's not like I was
lying back there.
Um, maybe you're right.
Maybe...
What?
Really?
I push you that
much and you fold?
You're not even fighting me.
I don't know what it is...
Come on please,
don't, don't do that.
You always pretend like
you're the one that's all
in, when you know like I
know if I was writing, if
I was on, we wouldn't even
be having this conversation.
You wouldn't even
be opting out of our
relationship and flying
across the country to LA...
- Wherever the
- can you even hear yourself?
This wouldn't
be happening. You know...
Do you really think
that's what this is about?
This is not about you.
This has nothing to
do with your writing.
This has everything
to do with my writing.
It's always had everything
to do with my writing.
Busted.
That was a dramatic night.
Yeah.
I was serious about
dinner, by the way.
It was so good.
Oh, thank you.
Shut up.
You should open
your own restaurant.
Yeah, can you imagine that
conversation with my parents?
Fuck it. Do it anyway.
So what, you just give
up on what you want?
Who says that's what I want?
Okay, it's what I want.
You happy?
Yeah, I totally am.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry.
No no, it's okay.
I'm sorry.
Hey, don't take that
personally, okay?
- It's kind okay.
- Of like...
A new policy of
mine, apparently.
What's that mean?
Um, I just did the
same thing to Josh.
Oh, great.
Great.
Isaac, I'm, come on.
I didn't mean it like that.
I'm sorry.
That was embarrassing.
I thought that's
what you wanted.
No, I did.
I do, believe me.
Apparently not anymore.
Well, for a long
time I did want that.
Okay.
But...
But...
But that's, it's
not what you want.
You don't know what I want.
I-Isaac, you
don't want this.
Your 19 year-old
self wants this.
You want closure.
You want...
I think you're afraid that this
thing with Kate might be real,
you think it could be real.
Sarah...
How did it go?
I don't think I have
any blood on my hands.
That's great.
That's good.
Hey.
Hey.
You've been quiet all weekend.
Everyone likes talking
more than listening.
Sometimes I just
get tired of it.
I prefer the opposite.
Well, if that, that is not
a rare quality, I don't
know what is.
Ben didn't mean it.
What he said to you.
It's okay, I, I...
No it's not.
It's not okay, what they did.
It's not okay what I did either.
Can I see?
Why?
I don't know.
Okay.
You know we both
have to let it go.
Where you been?
Oh, attempting to
have sex with Sarah.
Good for her for
turning you down.
Heh, thank you.
You know, I can't remember
what happened last.
Me writing something good
or me and Siri having sex.
So basically what you're
saying is that you're
blocked in more ways than one.
Yeah, that's one way to put it.
To think that I've been
jealous of you for 7 years.
Hm.
Looks like someone
made a friend.
He's the only one
that understands me.
What happened to everyone?
Isaac and Kate went to bed.
I guess Siri did too.
And what about Alex.
I thought he was with you.
Ben, wait wait wait.
Ben...
Hey, did you find him?
Ben.
Ben!
What's going on?
Wait, wait, wait,
Ben, Ben, Ben Ben.
Please, please, please.
Just let me...
What can you possibly
say to me right now?
That I, I love you.
I really I do, more than
anyone in the world.
Fuck you!
Please-oh!
Ow!
Wait, Ben Ben Ben.
Ben, please, please,
I'm sorry, okay, no!
Ben!
Where are your keys!
Sarah, where are your keys?
I gave them to Ben.
The fuck's going on?
I don't know.
I don't know. Everybody's
getting together with everybody.
I heard it was
a real good time
I heard it was...
Fuck!
Shit!
Judgment has a way of creeping
into every relationship.
Even the most intimate.
If we're lucky, somewhere
along the way we meet a
few people who listen to us
without criticism or reproach.
We call those
people our friends.
Nice shiner.
Nice driving.
What are you doing?
Writing.
Um, I'm uh, I'm a
little fucked up.
No shit?
Can I play that card now?
Sure.
I um...
I know that uh...
That it's UN...
Unhealthy to...
To need, um...
T-just too much from
people, and I've been
working really hard on...
On, on trying to like...
Set up healthy, uh...
Ways of...
Communicating and...
I don't, I don't know,
I don't know why.
Hey, the world's got
enough people you've gotta
explain yourself to, right?
Tell me if that's shit or not.
Thanks for last
night, by the way.
For what?
For rebuffing me.
Hey, what are friends for.
I've been thinking a lot this
morning about investment.
Yeah, that's not
weird or anything.
No, I'm serious.
I think you should
open your place.
Eh, that's not going to happen.
What if I helped you get
on your feet, get set up,
get a little seed
money or something?
Okay, I don't need
anything from you.
I don't need help
or a favor or...
It wouldn't be a
favor, it'd be selfish.
I'd be making money off of you.
You're not being serious.
I'm totally serious.
Believe it or not, I'm a
pretty savvy businessman.
I know, but...
But what? Come on,
think about it.
Small place, lower east side,
12 tables, food from upstate.
Well, naturally the food
would have to be from upstate.
The dishes would be a
tasteful nod to the area's
fading Jewish and
Chinese denizens.
That's perfect.
Like uh, egg drop
matzo ball soup?
Yeah.
Szechuan brisket.
Got sweet and sour Kugel.
Mm.
Kung Pao...
Latkes?
Mm. That sounds really good.
That sounds terrible.
That does sound terrible.
What do you say?
Shake on it?
Hey, you've reached Ben Kaplan's
cell phone.
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
He's just blowing off steam.
Josh, I really fucked up.
I know.
He'll get past it.
It's ironic, though.
Why?
I just thought that if you
were ever going to slip
up, it would be with me.
Thanks for the ride.
Yeah.
So you'll, you'll
consider the offer?
Yeah, absolutely.
It's really fucking
good, you know?
Quite an auspicious start.
I guess I have you to
thank for that also.
Well...
Good dog!
Hey Timmy.
Thanks guys.
Happy I passed on the insurance.
Tell them it was an elk.
In the shape of a tree?
It jumped out like an elk.
He really can't drive.
Alex, you got any crazy
glue in the house?
You won't even notice.
So, do you hate me?
No.
I could never do that.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I'm sure.
You know, I couldn't
believe my luck freshman
year when I found out your
place was across the hall.
Then when we actually
spoke, it was like I
wanted to throw away all
ideas of dumb luck and
start invoking God and
fate and a bunch of other
capitalized words.
Ben why are you
saying this right now?
'Cause when good things
happen, you always want to
imagine them as fated.
And when bad things happen, of
course the world's this
cold and brutally random place.
I'm scared of what the
world'd look like without you.
You can't stay with me
because you're scared.
You're right.
How was that for an
introduction to my friends?
A bigger disaster than I
could possibly imagine.
You're telling me.
Now you're going to dump
me as soon as we're not
stuck together at 30,000 feet.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean what
am I talking about.
You just said it yourself.
I'm...
I've made a total
fool of myself.
Baby, my friends
are the disaster.
You're amazing.
That's not true.
That's totally true.
You're the only sane
person here and you know it.
Hey.
I'm really glad you came.
You ready to meet my parents?
I don't think so.
I don't blame you. They're
fucking crazy.
Good Timmy.
So, we are all doomed,
romantically speaking.
Only on like a
deep karmic level.
For whatever reason, I'm
strangely okay with that.
- Yeah?
- What?
Maybe I'm turning
over a new leaf.
Maybe we should make one
of those pacts where if
we're still single when we're
35, we all just get married.
Who, the three of us?
Yes, and Timmy of course.
We'll make a great
dysfunctional family.
How's that sound Timmy?
I'd consider it.
Oh, hey, you going so soon?
Flight to catch.
We'll see if I can
rustle up Ben and Siri.
Thanks for coming, man.
See you soon, I hear?
Yeah, hopefully at
the end of the month.
I'm excited.
What does that mean?
Alex asked if there was
any openings at the place
I work, and I told
him there was a strong
likelihood I could
get him a job.
That's awesome.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
I think I have a strong resume.
Is that a suicide joke?
Too soon.
I'm going to miss you guys.
Not me.
I'll be checking
on my investment.
Ha, what investment?
Sarah's opening a restaurant.
- No I'm not.
- Is.
- No, what?
- He's...
Crazy.
Sarah.
What?
Take the money before he
gets an even worse idea
what to do with it.
Where's your stuff?
Yeah, about that.
I uh...
I think I'm hanging
around a while.
Seems like Ben got a good
idea for a story last
night and, so I told him
he should stay and write.
So staying was an option?
You, you could stay.
I don't want to stay.
You want to stay?
No, I don't want to stay.
I'm sorry, can we take
a group photo please?
Yes.
I thought, I thought
we talked about this.
I know, but please.
You've got time for
exactly one photo.
Here, I'll take it.
Thank you Kate.
Thank you.
The car is dying to be in it.
We have to.
Yeah, and don't forget
to get my shoes in baby.
Oho, please.
Frame up for the shoes, please.
It's the most important part.
Alex, right?
Yeah.
You can join us if you want.
Oh, cool thanks.
I send you on a mission
for sugar, you bring back
a lost boy.
Hey man, I'm Josh.
Hey, Alex.
Um, I don't think we met. I'm
Ben.
Siri.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ben, Siri. Siri, Ben.
Nice to meet you.
I think we're in the same dorm.
Yeah. Yeah?
Exactly. That's... shocking I
haven't met you before.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Isaac.
Josh.
Did you get enough
macaroni and cheese?
Shut up, Josh.
Did you order the Mountain?
Sh-I got this. Shut up Josh.
Hi. I'm Sarah.
Hi, Alex.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
Ignore him, anything he says.
Can you believe these guys?
I'm sure you'll fit right in.
Ben, want to just take a
solo, or do you want to
join the group?
Come on.
Alright, posture everyone.
Uh, I'm going to need
you to get a lot closer
together than that.
Okay.
Come on, come on.
Alright.
I'm going to pose a
quick idea, you guys.
Maybe next time we
do this, it's a happy occasion.
Is there going to
be a next time?
Uh oh.
- Okay.
- Alex...
One, two...
search of stones
Making up the pavement
of less traveled roads
Mining for treasure
deep in my bones
That I never find
Went looking for reverence
Tried to find it in a bottle
And came
back again.
High on
a hash pipe...
Ben.
Your page's set?
Mm, yep.
Almost.
Jesus, Alex.
Hello?
Yes, this is him,
but I'm at work.
Used to have a freshman
roommate named Ben, but
that asswad hasn't
called me in ages.
What?
And no one was there?
He was...
Alone?
Yeah, of course he was alone.
That was stupid.
Yeah, I can probably
get up in a couple hours. I just
need a little bit of time
to get out of here.
Well, he's gonna be okay.
That's the most important thing.
Okay.
I gotta take this.
Hang on a sec.
Babe?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Just got to the office,
I'm gonna leave from there.
Oh and the answer,
well how could I miss
Something as simple as this
Did the hospital say when
they'd be able to release
him?
Said it might be tonight.
Might be in the morning.
Do we call them?
Because I feel like if we...
I called them already.
There's nothing else we can do.
Yeah.
Just keep straight.
Babe?
Mm?
I got the fellowship.
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, I know.
When were you going to tell me?
What do you mean?
I'm telling you now.
Yeah, h-how long
have you known?
I found out yesterday.
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's
great for you, right?
It's a great opportunity.
- Yeah
- Yeah.
It is, but...
And then about us
moving out there.
I think we've had this
conversation like fifty times.
I can't just quit my
job and move to LA.
Sarah's train should
be getting in.
Okay.
I'm gonna stay here.
Josh!
Hey.
Hey, Sarah, uh, hi.
Hi.
It's good to see you.
Oh, yeah, it's good
to see you too.
Have you talked to Alex?
No, but I can't wait to
ask that fucker what the
hell he was thinking.
Um, you're not actually
going to say that to him,
- are you?
- Why not?
Because he's fragile and
that's not appropriate.
How do you know?
When was the last time
you talked to him?
That's what I thought.
What do you want to do, Sarah?
You wanna just tiptoe
around the whole thing?
Pretend like nothing happened?
No, no, I think we should...
I think we should make
him feel safe and...
Oh, okay.
Loved, and...
Yeah, and I think he's
going to think that that's
bullshit, and I think he's
going to see right through it.
Sarah!
What?
Josh!
Hey.
Hi!
And you!
We didn't even know
whether to expect you or not.
No, well...
Where's Isaac?
Is he up here yet with
the new lady friend?
Is that happening?
With the who?
Isaac's bringing someone?
Yeah.
His girlfriend.
I didn't know he
was seeing anyone.
It's recent.
She's 22.
No she's not.
Mhmm.
Is she?
What's wrong?
It's not like she's 11.
Calm down.
Okay, first of all, you're
disgusting, and second of
all, um, why does Isaac
think it's appropriate to
bring a date to...
How is it inappropriate?
I was this close to
bringing, I was this close
to bringing a date, and she
canceled at the last minute.
She had a thing.
Hi.
It's okay that
I'm coming, right.
Yeah, of course it's okay.
You said you wanted to
come, I said it's fine.
Of course it's fine.
Wait, what?
No, I didn't say
I wanted to come.
I said that I wanted to
be there for you if you
wanted me to be there.
Why would I tell you to
come if I didn't want you
to come.
I am so sorry, but we're
out of premium-class
vehicles.
Could we interest you in one
of our more affordable models?
Yeah, yeah. That's fine.
Anything with
wheels is fine. Thanks.
I shouldn't be here.
Babe...
I.. I wouldn't have
said you should come...
I'm just saying it's
an objective truth.
Japanese are the most
wacked-out people on earth.
Oh my God, you're like
an 8 year-old racist.
An 8 year-old racist...
Look, you cram that many
people on an island, it's
like a throbbing inbred
hothouse of cultural miasma.
Frankly, I'm surprised
they don't have more fetishes.
Oh shit.
Ben Ben!
You came.
Against my better
fucking judgment, I came.
Get the fuck over here.
How you doing?
Ben, get my back here please.
We're not just going to
pretend with Alex like
nothing happened here, right?
What are you going to say?
"Hey Alex.
Interesting choice
to commit suicide."
Thank you, Ben.
Excuse me.
- Hi!
- Oh my God...
I can't believe that you
have her side on this.
Hey, hey, hey.
There are no sides.
Let's just let
this be about Alex.
Right?
And speaking of which, I
think we should watch him.
What?
What, do you want to
set up like a monitoring system?
Yeah. Kind of, but it'd be
casual.
You know, tag in, tag out,
have somebody with him at
all times.
How about you go first.
You want to start?
This is ridiculous.
No it's not, Josh.
This, this is ridiculous.
- Is this not ridiculous?
- I Googled it.
You what?
I Googled it.
Case in point.
I'm gonna get some air.
Is there not air in here?
You came.
Of course I came.
How you feeling?
I'm good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I mean I, you know, considering.
Um, Alex look, about the call...
Don't, no no.
Don't tell me that we're having
a party in honor of my suicide.
Attempted suicide.
Geez, if it were a suicide
we'd both be wearing suits.
Can't treat it lightly, okay?
Maybe we should get
him a muffin basket.
I'm serious, the
first 48 hours...
Alex!
- Hi!
- Hey.
Jesus, Alex.
If you wanted to see all
of us, you could've just
shot us an email.
Wow.
We were going to pick you up.
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
This was...
Easy.
Well.
Do you need anything?
Do you want to sit down?
Um, I'm good.
- You're hungry?
- No.
Do you want me to
make you a sandwich?
Um...
No, I uh, actually I
think I'm going to go get
changed.
I feel a little gross,
you know what I mean?
Um, I'll keep you company.
Excuse me.
Way to act normal, by the way.
Way to be an asshole.
Real nice, just...
Sandwich, what, you want
to offer him anything
else?
So why'd you leave LA?
Um, I don't know.
I, I just, you know the
acting thing was only
going okay, and the city's
a fucking soul killer.
Yeah, I was running out
of cash, my mom was in
fucking Bali, my dad left me
this, and you were, you know...
We kind of lost touch.
What I was going to say
outside, when you first came...
Hey, the world's
got enough people.
You have to
explain yourself, too.
Josh is still an asshole.
If he's going to be like
this all weekend, I swear
to God...
He's just dealing
with it, you know.
In his own way.
And shouldn't Isaac know
there's no such thing as a
+1 to a friend's attempted
suicide weekend thing?
It's not a fucking Bar Mitzvah.
You know you sound like Josh.
Oh my God, you're right.
Ugh...
How are you?
How are you and Ben?
We're fine.
Okay, so, not so good fine.
What's going on?
Hey?
I'm late.
How late?
Late late.
Does Ben know?
Nope.
Hey.
Hi.
How you doing?
Good.
You need anything?
No, I'm still fine.
What?
Here.
Hey, where's the
bathroom in here?
Use the one upstairs.
Trust me.
Isaac is calling.
Hey, what's up?
Really?
Can your +1 not use a GPS?
I thought young people
were good at those things.
Be nice, Sarah.
Isaac is close, but lost.
You know what?
I'll just drive
out and meet him.
I'm gonna go get some firewood.
I'm gonna go pee in nature.
I'll stay and watch Alex.
I mean I'll...
Put on some pasta for dinner.
That sound good?
That sounds great.
You want to come with me?
Yeah, I'll come with you.
Great.
You clearly have no idea
what you're doing, do you?
Fuck you.
Here, give me it.
I know.
Let me try again.
No.
No?
No.
I thought you all of calc
21, and then you went off
and you did better
than me on the exam.
I'm not teaching you
how to chop wood.
It's not my fault you
have performance anxiety.
I perform just fine.
You don't have to
cook, you know.
It's okay.
It's the only thing
that relaxes me.
Really?
It's just...
Been a while since
I've seen everyone.
You know, if you need to
get something off your
chest, you should...
I don't need you of all
people to give me advice on...
I'm sorry.
No, it's...
I didn't mean that.
It's a fair point.
What?
They...
Are here.
Oh.
She's hot.
Your...
Your boobs are bigger.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Ugh.
No they're not.
Hey!
Look who I found.
Hey handsome.
Oh, you didn't have to fly all
the way across the country.
Are you kidding me? I wanted to.
Alex, Kate.
Kate, Alex.
Hey, I-I've heard
a lot about you.
I've heard a lot about you.
What the fuck are those?
That's how you say "hi" now?
They're shiny and pointy.
They're Italian, motherfucker.
You look like a lumberjack.
Oh, dude, if you'd told us
you were coming out of the
closet we could've
thrown you a party.
I told you my
friends are awesome.
Um, is there a
bathroom I could-
upstairs!
Dinner is almost ready.
Hey.
Yeah.
Sarah, this pasta is delicious.
Mm, it is pasta and
sauce from a can.
Tomorrow, I'll make
something real.
Instagram tells me you're
still cooking a lot.
Instagram lies.
Unless Ramen counts.
So that's what being
a lawyer's like.
Fulfilling all your
hopes and dreams?
Not all of us can stand to
destroy the planet on the
backs of hedge funds.
That's not what I meant.
I'm just saying, look, we
graduated, aside, aside
from you, at the onset of
the worst recession in 80 years.
History says that most of
us will never regain the
income levels that we
might have otherwise enjoyed.
Isaac here is a beautiful anomaly,
and for that, we salute him.
Thanks pal.
Appreciate it.
How's the uh, how's your
PhD going?
Mm.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's just a simple question.
Nah, it's had subtext.
Oh, you want the subtext?
Of course I want the subtext.
Don't you know who
you're talking to?
Did you forget who I am?
Okay, so how's life up on
your academic high horse,
uh, looking down on the
rest of us and despairing
about the decline
of our culture?
It's comments like those,
Isaac, that make me despair.
Actually, Josh, sorry, but
I'd like to know what the
hell you're doing there too.
Yeah, all joking aside,
what are you writing about?
I'm writing about the
future of biography.
How our ever-expanding
digital footprint, emails,
texts, tweets, will inform
our understanding of
history and ourselves.
Which is ironic.
Why?
Because I hate the modern world.
Which era would you
rather have lived in?
I'm sorry, what was
your name again?
It was Kate?
- Kate? Kate.
- Josh...
I'm just saying,
I'm sorry. It's Kate? Kate?
Yeah.
The only thing I hate
more than the present is
nostalgia for the past.
Hey, you don't have to do that.
No, no let me do something.
Nope!
You want to take shifts?
He's compensating for the
fact that he can't chop wood.
Oh my God, when'd you
get so mean, Josh?
You're so mean.
Probably the same time you
traded in for those shoes.
This whole footwear smear campaign
is really cutting me deep.
It's a real shame.
Maybe you should commit suicide.
What?
Is it too s-
Alex is laughing.
Look at that.
That's a good joke.
So how did you and Isaac meet?
Mm...
It's embarrassing.
Why?
Well, I was an, I was an
intern at his office, but
we didn't start dating
until after I left, of course.
Of course.
I think it's sweet.
Hey, I found two.
Great.
Thanks.
So are you going
to go with that?
Uh...
There's a whole chapter
devoted to hair implants.
You have to do it in his voice.
Or, no. Exhibit B: The mature
man's guide to style.
Oh my God, do not move.
Hold that up right now.
Please, just pose
with the cover please.
Oh yeah.
Would you like to hear
the section on hair plugs?
How's your novel, Ben?
It's good.
It'll be done soon.
Is it better or worse
than your New York story?
It is, without a doubt, longer.
God, I loved that story.
It was so good.
It's the only reason
Siri went out with me.
That's not true.
That's true.
- That's not true.
- It's true.
Maybe a little bit.
I think I still
have a copy here.
You know what we should do?
We should stage a
dramatic reading.
That is not going to happen.
Can you imagine?
Everybody would participate.
I'll be the roommate,
you could play...
Josh, really it's fine.
Sarah.
What?
Enough with the
fucking pictures.
I'm sorry, I'm recording
this for posterity.
Is that okay?
By what?
By ruining it in the present?
No, that's your job.
Okay, come on.
Hold on, hold on.
That's okay.
Sarah, let me ask you something.
What?
What, what are you going
to do with these pictures, huh?
Are you going to post
them on Facebook?
I don't know, maybe.
Would that make you mad?
You're clinically obsessed.
I like to see what
my friends are up to. Big deal.
So what, your news feed
tells you that Isaac got a
new pair of Italian
loafers or Ben, Ben wrote
a, a funny headline for
the post, and that makes
you feel like you
still know somebody?
Yeah, kind of, because
that's what people do now, Josh.
People who care, at least.
Well, you know what,
I'm sorry, but maybe I'd
rather be in the fucking
dark as to what people are
up to than mistake some
false level of intimacy
for friendship.
That is such bullshit.
We're still friends.
Isaac is on his BlackBerry
sending emails to San
Francisco right now.
Enough. Isaac...
Yeah?
Remember when I got
stoned for the first time?
When we went to the
natural history museum?
I remember you freaking out.
Yeah.
And you had to make me
dance and make me feel better?
And you did the devil dance?
Oh my God.
Devil dance.
Devil dance?
- I totally
- it's my favorite thing.
I thought you hated dancing.
Isaac doesn't d-, Isaac dances.
Okay, so what was
Isaac like in college?
Dorky.
Uncultured.
Pretty much exactly
what he is right now.
I was pretty dorky.
Okay, so you were
really adorable.
Yeah, thanks.
So what do you do, Kate?
I work at a suicide and
crisis hotline for teens
in the bay area.
That sounded strange. I'm
sorry, I didn't realize
until it came out of my mouth.
Shame I didn't have your number.
You could've solved
all my problems.
Why did you lie?
When?
Alex, about the book.
I didn't lie.
I said the book will be
done soon and it will.
Why not just say it's
still in research.
Just, you know?
Because maybe this weekend
isn't about my problems.
If you want to schedule
some time to do that, we can
find it.
She seems really sweet.
Stop it.
Tell us all about your
illicit office romance.
Hmm?
You're being so annoying.
Did you play naughty intern?
That's not what happened.
What, I think it's hot.
Go to sleep.
All of you, go to sleep.
Get out of here.
I'm ready to go to sleep.
I'm over it.
I'll go with you.
Good night.
Night guys.
Night.
Just gonna hang out?
How many times does she
wake up during the night?
Like do you have to feed
her, like, I don't know,
hour and a half?
You're such an asshole.
Cause my friend, I have
some friends who have
kids, and they say
it's like Vietnam.
Go fuck yourself.
He had been calling me a lot.
Mm?
Alex...
Not too much to talk
about, just checking in.
Always asking about the book.
"How's the book?
How's the book going?
How you doing
on the book?"
Got to the point where I
was screening his calls.
The taste in my
mouth, it's good.
Agh!
Isn't it so funny how
we're all breathing under
the same roof again.
Do you ever wish we
could just go back?
Sometimes.
Actually, no I don't.
I really don't.
Why?
Not at all.
Because I...
I don't know, I guess I
was mainly just scared.
Of what?
Of you all.
The possibility that
you didn't like me.
That's ridiculous.
It's the truth.
I remember that that
feeling did not go away.
Until, um, until junior
year when Ben had me at
his parents' place for Easter.
We took the train
there and back.
Barely talked, but you
know, it was, it was
better than talking.
It was just...
Just nice.
Hm?
I don't know how to say this.
But, have you ever thought
about going to therapy?
Because, I've done
it a lot, and...
You have?
Yeah.
Why?
Seriously?
Yeah, you're fine.
Oh, um, let me think, how
I'm constantly anxious and
I can never pinpoint why,
and how ever since college
I can only be with guys
who are assholes or
married or both...
Has the therapy helped?
I mean, I take Xanax now.
That helps, and also, you
know, the other stuff is
helpful.
It's through, it's
complicated, though.
My therapist kind of
thinks that it's very deep
rooted in my childhood and...
I'm s-sorry I'm
talking about myself.
I'm so self-absorbed.
This is why I'm in therapy.
No it isn't!
No it isn't.
You just need sleep.
I know, but are you okay?
Do you need something
right now before we go to sleep?
Sarah, you're going to have
to stop asking me that, okay?
Mmm...
You're very nice.
Well, I think you're doing
a really good job, and I'm
just going to wait here
until you fall asleep.
Alright, forget it.
Good night, thank you.
I'm glad you're here.
Isaac.
Isaac!
Uh huh?
You're awake?
Unh...
What do you like about me?
What?
You waited too long.
Baby, it's the
middle of the light.
Well now, now I can't
trust what you say because
it didn't just come to you.
Wait can we, can we just
talk about this in the morning?
No, we can't talk about
it in the morning.
I think, I think your
friends think I'm...
Stupid and young.
They don't think you're
stupid or young.
You're neither.
Go back to sleep.
We'll talk about this tomorrow.
But...
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Oh, you know what I
wanted to tell you?
What's that show that you like?
The one with, with all the
ladies and they're in a city.
What is it? What is that?
The real housewives?
- Yeah, I don't
- the real housewives.
No, no, no, but I was
watching that show.
No you weren't.
No, it was on, and I was
there, and I couldn't look
away, and do you
want to know why?
Oh, shut up.
Sarah, do you want to know why?
Because I realized why you
love that show so much.
Because at its core, it's
about the human condition.
No.
What?
I thought they hated each other.
They do and they don't.
It's like a weird
game they play.
Your friends are fucked up.
They prefer complicated.
Sarah and Josh.
Just like old times.
I wonder why I let
this keep happening.
I don't know, Sarah.
Maybe because you want it to.
No, it's just something
I think I want and then
later I feel awful about.
You alright?
Yes.
Are Ben and Siri acting
weird, or is it just me?
It's just you.
You think they heard us?
How would I know?
Well, I don't know.
She's a light
sleeper, that Siri.
And you're very loud.
You've gotten louder.
What is that supposed
to mean "she's a light sleeper?"
Oh, I thought you were
talking about the fact
that you got louder.
I don't, you know,
remember in college with
those dorky little
orange earbuds?
And she will still
complain about being woken
up by the church bells?
You're still in love with her.
I'm not still in love with her.
Yes you are.
I'm not still in
love with her, Sarah.
I just find it fascinating
that Ben seems to get
everything that
he wants in life?
Can I ask you a question?
Where do you get off
thinking the whole world
is conspiring against you?
You want to go again?
No.
What?
You're a dick.
Yeah.
All men are dicks, Sarah.
We're hardwired that way.
Yeah, but you're a dick
who thinks he's better
than a dick because he
can back up his dickish
behavior with psychobabble
and pseudoscience.
Yeah, blah blah blah blah blah.
Let's go again.
I don't want to.
I think it would be a
good idea to go again.
You can't go again.
I can go again.
There are three stages
of finding friends in college.
The first is desperation.
Second is panic.
The third is fate.
When you wind up at
the same table together
somehow, then your
real life begins.
Busted!
Does everyone else know.
Paper-thin walls.
Perfect.
No one is judging.
Ugh, besides me.
It's like I'm this mature,
successful, adult woman,
except when I'm with Josh,
it's like I'm back in
sophomore year and I'm
just total insecure, and...
It's complicated.
He was your first.
It's not complicated.
He's using me.
Who's to say you
aren't using him?
My therapist, actually.
Josh is a man-child who
uses sex, I'm serious, as
a means of processing
deep-seated emotional issues.
And you are an overworked
tax attorney who could
stand to get laid.
I'm a...
Mergers and acquisitions
attorney who could stand
to get laid, thank you.
Whatever.
Are you still...
With...
I think I might be a little...
What?
You don't run.
Well, I'm thinking
of picking it up.
Alex, you're still recovering.
Why don't you take it easy?
I can always stop.
I have been trying to get
motivated all morning.
Come with me.
Yeah?
How'd you sleep?
Fine, why?
Really?
Just wanted to make
sure you weren't being attacked.
- There was a lot of...
- God.
So how's Brooklyn?
It's fine.
Come visit.
Sorry, sorry sorry.
You okay?
Yeah.
You'd better be fine.
I um, I saw the pictures
you posted the other day.
Yeah?
Uh, were you and Ben went
to all the thrift shops
and...
Made your place
look so home-like?
Yeah.
Yeah I did.
Now all you need is
a golden retriever.
What?
What's going on?
I got a job offer in LA.
Alright!
It's a dream kind of offer.
That's great.
So then what's the bad news?
Ben's been resisting
at every turn.
Fighting a lot about
going, fighting about
staying, just, we haven't
even made love in...
Weeks, and.
Didn't need to know that part.
I'm sorry, I...
I just think some space
would be good for us both.
Wait, wait, no, no, um...
You and Ben are
going to be fine.
Okay?
Ben's probably just
stressed out right now.
He'll figure it out.
He'll finish his book and...
What?
Ben is...
Well, for starters he's blocked.
Blocked?
Please, don't say
anything, obviously.
He hasn't written
anything in almost a year.
Ha ha, look who it is.
It's about time, you lazy bum.
Lazy?
It's not like you let
me sleep, you and Sarah.
How's Siri?
Siri...
Is on a run.
Okay.
And she's back.
Ben, can I ask you something?
Was it difficult, as a couple,
when the iPhone 4s came out?
Because I can imagine,
here you are, minding your
own business, and then everybody's
asking her a question.
You're a fucking idiot.
Just a second!
Oh.
It's all yours.
Thank you.
Hey, um...
I'm sorry about what
I said last night.
I'm...
It's okay.
Don't worry.
You're not even 48 hours
removed from a traumatic event.
You're suddenly the center
of love and attention and you're
feeling mildly manic
and also oddly angry.
I imagine you're also
experiencing mood-cycling
and you're scared as hell
of the next time you'll
crash, so, no.
I'm not taking it personally.
Good.
Don't worry, though.
You'll level off.
What, uh...
What style of yoga is that?
What, what form is that?
I took a yoga class once.
Yeah, but it wasn't for me.
No, yeah, uh, mhmm.
I'm going to give
you some space.
You know what I miss?
I miss living down
the hall from you.
I could always pop over
whenever I wanted to talk.
You just hate sleeping
alone and you needed
somebody to talk to about Josh.
Don't be naive.
Don't be naive about what?
Isaac...
Sarah...
I always wanted
you to make a move.
That's funny.
I'm serious.
But you always,
you always said that we shouldn't
because were such good friends.
Oh, yes, that is what I
said, but that is not what
I wanted.
You're impossible,
you know that?
I'm impossible?
Yeah, you're totally impossible.
You're impossible!
Shit!
Sorry that...
Oh, is that butter?
No no no, don't wipe
it off, I got it.
- It's cream right there.
- Cheese.
It's cream cheese! Perfect!
Thank you.
I'm gonna go wash up babe.
Morning.
Good morning.
I've got great
Southern exposure, so I
was thinking of
installing a solar array.
And um, maybe a few
rainwater basins too.
That sounds great, Alex.
Then you'd have everything
you need to start a cult.
I'm in.
Hey, what do you think the
girls are doing right now?
I don't know, their hair?
What if we propose
an elaborate swap.
Yeah, I think you'd be thrilled.
The numbers aren't even.
Ow!
The numbers are plenty even.
I've done, look...
Alex, you get sweet nubile Kate.
Oh great.
Isaac, you get Sarah.
I get Siri, 'cause, well,
that's all that's left.
And Ben, you get published
in the new yorker.
That's hilarious.
The fuck was that?
I don't know, a dog?
Well, the boys better be
close, or they're gonna
get drenched.
You want to go on a food run?
I've just been
feeling a little sick.
I'll go.
Oh, would you?
Yeah.
Great.
Would you, uh, pick
something up for me?
Yes.
- Now?
- Yeah.
Let's go.
Cool.
Have fun!
Boy, where'd you come from?
There aren't that
many houses over here.
Hello?
Anyone lose a dog?
She looks hungry.
You want some of that?
Whoa, what are you doing, man?
You don't feed a strange dog.
Why not?
Cause you'll just confuse
it and make everything
worse.
That's bullshit.
Hey, look, as much as I
want to hang out with this
dog all day long, um, has anyone
else noticed it's pouring?
We can't just leave it here.
Owner should've put
some tags on him.
Owner should've what?
Let me see your pen.
Okay, so the dog should be
punished for its owner's sins?
Are you a republican now?
So what if I am?
So what if, what?
Ben, did he tell you about this?
Yum, grape...
Hey, will this work?
Uh, oh God no, that's not good.
So, when did you and Isaac meet?
Freshman year.
He lived down the hall from me.
I was so nervous to
come on this trip.
Really?
Isaac looks up to
you guys so much.
It's like...
Meeting his parents but
worse, because there's
five of you.
Well, be thankful you're
not meeting his parents.
His mom is crazy.
I'm so jealous of you.
Why?
Because, you guys just
have all these shared
experiences that
I'll never have.
Well, you know Isaac.
He was...
Shy and sweet.
Really sweet.
He's the only one of us
from the Midwest, so...
He's the least neurotic
of the bunch by far.
I can see that.
Yeah.
He takes me out to fancy
dinners all the time and
it's really nice, but
it's not why I like him.
Why do you like him?
Because he's grounded.
And he's so kind.
And...
The other day, we celebrated our
quarter-year anniversary.
Which is ridiculous.
It's so ridiculous.
But it made me really
happy, and I think he's
got the right priorities,
which is rare.
Everything okay.
Yeah.
Ugh! So many mushrooms.
Ooh, watermelon.
There you are.
Hey, big news.
What?
Isaac voted for bush.
That's not the news.
We found a dog.
Oh my God.
Where did you guys find it?
At the river in the woods.
I'm going to go take a shower.
Alex, hold on, would you give
me one second, I can come in.
What, what, what, what?
You're gonna come with
me and, and bathe me?
That's not what I
was going to say.
Okay, I'm fucking fine, okay?
Okay?
Everybody, I...
Thank you for your
concern, but I am fucking
fine, and just please,
stop following me around,
okay?
What do we do?
He said he's fucking fine.
I'm going to check
on him in a minute.
You know, I think he is, okay?
How do you know?
I just know.
Hey.
Ha!
Sweet nectar and ambrosia.
There's more in the car.
Oh my gosh!
Who is this!
You know Josh.
He makes friends
everywhere he goes.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
Jeff Goldblum.
Done.
Jeff Goldblum!
Yeah.
The dog was in the fly?
I think it's good.
You don't name
a dog "Jeff."
Why would it be
named Jeff Goldblum?
It wouldn't be named Jeff,
it would be named Jeff Goldblum.
How do you know the dog
is Jewish, first of all?
How did you just assume?
How did you make that call?
That's the dog's name. You're
welcome.
Jeff Goldblum.
Then name the dog, please.
I think he likes the name Timmy.
Timmy, you're good, huh?
Timmy's a good name.
Come here, come here, come here.
Shh, shh.
Wait, hold on guys, seriously.
I think I can hear
Timmy's thoughts.
Gee, I sure am glad I'm inside
right now.
Instead of being out there
in the cold and rain.
The mean man with the
effeminate shoes didn't
want me to come.
Hey!
Timmy would kill
for these shoes.
But I'll bite his ass later.
Why do we just assume
that dogs talk like that?
I mean, it's not like a
dog just opened his mouth
one day and that's what
it sounded like and we
assigned that voice to it.
Ignore them, Timmy.
Timmy?
That's his name.
Hey, I just thought
of something.
What?
Um, I told Siri earlier
how much I loved your
place, and all you guys
were missing was a dog,
and now...
One appears!
You have your chance.
We're not getting a dog.
Siri, it's not a dog.
It's Timmy.
Yeah.
I'm not just a dog, I need a
house, and I like you
guys the best.
You guys have that
little backyard.
It can run back and forth...
Yeah.
Timmy, where do you want to go?
He says, he says
he wants it too.
That's too bad.
So, uh, what are
we making Sarah?
We are making chilled
watermelon soup and sea scallop
Risotto.
What?
What are we making again?
I'm sorry, can you
do something helpful?
Did you say Risotto?
Can you please do
something helpful?
The joint's not going
to roll itself, Sarah.
And I'm making a magical
appetizer dish that's
going to make your
Risotto so much better.
Alright, please?
Please what?
Uh oh.
What?
Give me a break, I'm
not listening to that.
What?
It's like we're gripped by
this never-ending nostalgia
for our parents' music.
It's oppressive.
What about Bruce
Springsteen is oppressive?
Let me tell you something
about Bruce Springsteen,
okay?
Never, never trust anyone
who is that passionate
about the state of New Jersey.
You are so full of shit.
Okay.
Hmm?
What is he gonna do now.
What've we got.
Arcade fire?
Yes. Arcade fucking fire.
What?
What's wrong with this.
Too Canadian.
What does that mean?
Too Canadian, really?
Does, does this
look too Canadian?
Really?
But who knows.
I don't know.
Maybe it fits our
postmodern profile for a
Canadian band to best
express American anxiety
during this gradual
post-empire period of decline.
Blah, blah, blah,
bullshit, blah.
Miss Kate?
Oh I don't,
I don't normally smoke.
Honey, it's not going to bite.
Okay.
Fine.
I like Kate.
There you go.
Alright.
Alex, where did you
get these records?
I feel like I'm
at a garage sale.
I, I bought them at a garage
sale.
Babe?
I'm okay.
What's going on?
Come on...
Look, if now is not the
time to get fucked up, I
really, I don't.. I
don't know when is.
Fuck it.
I'm dancing.
I'm gonna dance too.
Oh, here we go.
You should prepare
yourself for this.
This is what you
call a home run.
- Turn it up!
- That's right.
See that? Isaac,
who's the dancer now?
That's right Kate, Isaac
don't know these moves.
He won't show you these moves.
Hello.
What is up?
This looks terrible.
Thanks.
How serious were
you this morning?
About what?
You know what.
I just thought...
No, you know what, I'm
sorry I said anything.
I shouldn't have said anything.
I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry.
- Okay, then...
- Isaac!
Yeah.
Get your anti-government
ass in here.
Come on.
I gotta go show those
fools how to dance.
Don't know
what you want.
So if you come round here, don't
make it clear, I want to be your man
What?
What's up?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Since when do you
turn down a joint?
I'm just not in the mood.
Then tell me something.
I'm dying over here.
I didn't want to influence you.
On what?
It should just be about us.
Really.
Oh... are you,
are you s...
Are you saying...
I don't know.
Are you sure?
No, I'm not sure.
Just...
Feeling.
I got a test today, but...
What does that look mean?
I'm, um...
I'm imagining a baby that
looks half like you and
half like me.
That tends to happen.
No.
What if I moved to LA?
I mean, sure when I got
there I'd be unemployed
and probably have to bus
tables or whatever those
people in LA do until they...
Make better money, but...
And please don't say that
if you don't mean it.
Of course I mean it.
All I'm saying is let's try.
You want to try with me?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah!
I used to live alone, but I found
you so certain I'm yours to take.
Now I can't wait for all the
mistakes we've yet to make
Now shake
it up baby...
Food's ready, you guys.
You guys!
Thank you.
Wow.
Mm.
This food is so
incredible, Sarah.
Oh God.
You guys, you're welcome.
You are incredibly
stoned right now.
I would just like
to point that out.
Sarah, we are barely high.
Come on.
Okay, some of us
might be a little high.
Oh, sweetie.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just really like how
cold it feels on my tongue.
Okay.
How come you haven't opened
up your own restaurant yet?
What's the deal?
Mm, it's called
law school loans.
How come we didn't do
more drugs in college?
That's a good question.
I figured that I would be
far less curious now if I
had just done a better job of
doing more drugs in college.
Well, you know we had a
good run freshman year.
Mhmm.
You remember that time
Siri ate that weed brownie
and ran through someone's
yard buck-naked?
Stop it!
Oh touchy!
It's true! You did!
Stop it!
What happened to us?
We got serious.
And we got girlfriend.
Oh, hey, okay.
You know what this is like?
This is like one of
those '80s movies.
What?
Like one of those movies
where there's like a big
group of people...
I just don't see why
everything in our lives
has to be like something else.
That's real deep Siri.
I'm serious.
It's like we can't just
experience something and
let it be.
'Cause that's the way
the people relate today.
They don't, they don't
talk about anything.
They just reference things.
Thank, thank you.
Oh yeah, I had a great weekend.
I went to this wedding.
You know actually, it
was a lot like "wedding
crashers," but
meets "memento."
That sounds like a good weekend
yeah, it probably does sound
cool. Who knows?
Or like, I don't know
how I was feeling, it was
probably, probably how
Rachel felt when Ross was
marrying that British girl.
Well, time out.
I'm pretty sure you just
admitted to watching "friends."
Yes. You did. He did.
There are Libyan refugees
who've seen "friends."
Oh, I have never felt this
stoned in my whole life.
Wow, okay.
It's hot. It's hot. It's hot.
It's hot in here.
It's pot.
It's pot?
Oh, that's a funny joke.
Well,
whoa!
Whoa, okay.
Okay, that's a fun game
we're not going to play
right now.
Is this a joke?
Are you my dad?
Oh, that's me, sorry.
Are you sure you want
to answer right now?
Maybe don't answer right now.
And she answers it.
Uh huh?
Tonight?
Yeah, it's okay if..
Could be important.
No, of course I'm okay.
Okay.
Bye.
Oh my God.
Hmm?
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Oh my God oh my God oh my God
oh my God oh my God oh my God.
What is it?
Are you alright?
I'm so screwed.
They just asked me to cover
the crisis hotline tonight.
Now?
Yeah.
Wow.
Can you say no?
I can't breathe.
No, I think you're
going to do a great job.
I agree, she is going
to knock 'em dead.
Hey! That's not funny.
I can't breathe.
That's a little funny.
No it's going to be okay.
It's going to be fine.
No, it's not okay.
No it's not okay, it's
not okay, it's not okay!
Okay, hang on for a bit.
Isaac, this is a big deal.
People are going to die.
They're not going to die.
Hey, hey, Kate?
So, I have some
Xanax in my purse.
I'm going to go get it, okay?
I have Klonopin right here.
I've got one in my pocket.
Yeah, but Xanax kicks in faster.
Klonopin lasts longer.
Which one do you prefer, Timmy?
Timmy likes Klonopin.
Well Xanax gives me a headache!
It's going to be fine.
It's... you're going to be
talking
just like you're talking to me.
But Klonopin has a little more
bite!
Okay, so there you go,
and now you have the best
anti-anxiety medicine
money can buy.
That's debatable.
Not helping. Stop.
There we go. Let's get Upsies.
Ohoho.
Ohh, alright!
Hey!
She's up!
Okay.
Josh.
What?
When did you start taking meds?
What?
Prescription drugs.
When did you start taking them?
The Klonopin thing?
Yeah.
I don't want to talk about it.
Why?
Because I don't want
to talk about it.
I'm just curious.
I'm not judging.
I went to a therapist
once, and I don't go
anymore.
And they gave me that.
Just once?
I started going when I
realized I was writing a
dissertation that probably
no one in their right mind
is ever going to read.
Let's play a game.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Alright, I actually have a game.
Ready? Get out of there.
What are the rules, then?
Okay.
Good question.
The rules are that there
are no rules until you
write them on a card.
Okay, are we in?
Yeah, let's do it okay.
I'll go first.
Okay.
Everyone one must pat
their heads and rub their
bellies before playing a
card, or they have to take
a drink.
What are we doing?
Playing an imbecilic game.
Sounds good, I'm in.
Woo hoo!
Okay.
Okay, that's great, but
you have to rub your belly
and pat your head before you...
Can we stop saying belly?
It's...
Belly. Rub it.
Before you speak, you must
turn to the person on your
left, introduce
yourself, then hug.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Come on big guy.
Let's do this.
Absolute... get the fuck,
get away from me.
You didn't introduce yourself.
You just read the card.
You didn't introduce yourself.
You didn't introduce
yourself either.
That's fair, okay.
Hello, my name is Sarah.
It's really nice to meet
you, and now we are...
Okay, fine.
Hi, I'm Josh.
This game is slowly
making me stupider.
Okay, I'll do it.
No, I got you.
Hold on.
Okay, first off, I have to..
Yeah.
Hi, how are you.
Hello.
Really?
Yeah. It's part of the game.
Why don't you read it?
Um, suicide.
Everyone take a turn and
explain what it means to you.
Good job, man.
Thank you.
Uh, this card makes all of
Josh's rules invalid and
can be played at any time.
You can't do that.
Just did.
Sorry, the card says you
can play the card at any time.
It goes against the
underlying architecture of
the game of laying
cards and taking turns.
For being all strict about it,
you didn't introduce yourself.
Neither the fuck did you!
Okay, Josh.
Let's, uh, let's do that.
But you, you start.
Let's not.
No no, let's do it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I get sadness, okay?
I certainly get anxiety.
I get depression.
I'm pretty sure that I'm
experiencing one of those
things at all times, but
what I don't understand
is, Alex, is suicide,
because never once have I
not been absolutely
terrified of my own death,
and what that might do
to everyone around me.
I'm done.
I don't want to play
this game anymore.
No, I think this is
a really good game.
We've been dancing around
the main point of this
trip all weekend.
I mean Jesus Christ.
Nobody would even talk
about the downstairs
bathroom, let alone walk
in there.
Alex, I've been in there.
It's a fucking mess.
So let's open that door.
Literally, metaphorically,
pardon the pun.
Josh, stop.
Sarah, please shut up.
I think Alex should,
should give it to us
straight here.
You know?
Tell us all what a good
job we all did of fucking
him up when he was down.
How we all noticed his
increasingly erratic
tweets and status updates,
and how we all thought
enough to do something about it.
Alright.
Sarah...
Let her go, she'll be fine.
You're a piece of
shit, you know that?
I'm a truth teller.
Alex has been saying some,
no offense, you've been
saying some weird
stuff for a while.
And you can't
blame us for not...
Being able to see that
there was a bigger problem.
Some weird stuff?
I'm sorry, what was it
exactly Alex, that it...
Does anybody remember?
"Ask for me tomorrow and
you shall find me a grave man?"
Lot of ambiguity in that one.
Where the fuck were you?
That's my point?
Where the fuck were any of us?
Okay, okay, um...
Alex called me a lot that day.
He called me a lot
that week, and uh...
And I didn't answer.
I didn't answer even though I
knew he wasn't doing well.
The truth is, none of this
would've happened if I
would've been a better
friend to my friend.
No...
So, this one's on me.
No it's not, Ben, please.
No. It's not, I mean, I...
Yeah, I, I was upset that
you were not answering my
calls, but I...
I didn't want to die.
What?
Well, I, know, I mean, I...
I thought I, I
thought I did. I did. I...
If you didn't want
to die then, w...
I did, but then I, I
changed my mind, and I
called the hospital
myself, and... you know,
I, I think...
I, I really think that I
just wanted to, you know,
to see you, and...
You wanted to see me?
Well yeah, I mean, no,
but, you, and everyone.
Right right, everyone.
Right.
You wanted to see
everyone, so you slit your
wrists, but not enough so
you would die, but..
I'm not saying that it makes
sense, I'm...
You're right, it makes
absolutely no sense, Alex.
It makes no fucking sense.
Do you have any idea what
I've been going through?
What I've been
thinking and feeling?
- Yes, yes I do. I do.
- You do?
- Please tell me-
- I'm sorry.
Oh you're sorry?
I was trying to get
in touch with you.
I have a job man!
Fucking duties!
I have a fucking deadline!
Oh yeah, you were so busy?
I have a fucking job! Yes I was
fucking busy!
When you were writing your
book that you haven't been
writing for a year?
Is that what you were
doing that you couldn't
answer the phone one time?
Ben...
Hey.
Hey, Sarah, come here.
What?
Look at me.
Sarah...
I'm sorry, okay?
Sometimes things,
they need to be said.
And in those instances,
being an asshole comes in handy.
You okay?
Stop.
What?
Josh, stop.
Seriously.
Come on.
All that talk about death?
Eugh.
Tell me you don't want to.
No, stop.
What?
You know what I want?
I want you to have acted
like my boyfriend 7 years ago.
Taken me to a movie, bought
me a fucking ice cream cone.
That's what I want.
Instead of being the guy
who permanently fucked up
my expectations
for normalcy in a relationship.
The guy that made me
explain to my mom that
"no, Josh isn't exactly
my boyfriend, he is just
someone who sleeps with me
when he comes home pining
for my best friend, too
drunk to see straight."
Sarah, I was 20.
So was I.
I...
My dad had just left my mom.
Is that your excuse?
I was angry.
Okay?
I was angry.
I was angry at my dad, I
was angry at fucking Ben.
What, you didn't even see
what you were doing to me?
One minute.
What's your name?
Amber?
Wow, that's a pretty name.
How old are you?
What's up?
What's going on?
Man, I'm sorry about that Amber.
That's tough to feel like
you've finally found that
person, the right
person for you and...
They don't feel the same.
Mm.
Hey, Amber, Amber, Amber.
Most people I know, most
people in the world,
they're actually really afraid
to feel what you're feeling.
They won't even let themselves.
But you, you're...
You're willing to go there.
And to me, that means
that you're very brave.
And...
To me that means that you
are going to be just fine.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi.
Will you pinch me again?
What?
On why you want to try?
I want to.
I'm ready.
I know.
Tell me more.
I just need reasons.
Why?
Because it turns
out that I'm not.
It turns out it
was a false alarm.
I guess I was just worried
that maybe you got caught up in
the moment and said some
things that you didn't
really mean, and maybe
someday you'd regret them,
so...
I just...
Ben...
Please say something.
I don't, I don't know.
It's not like I was
lying back there.
Um, maybe you're right.
Maybe...
What?
Really?
I push you that
much and you fold?
You're not even fighting me.
I don't know what it is...
Come on please,
don't, don't do that.
You always pretend like
you're the one that's all
in, when you know like I
know if I was writing, if
I was on, we wouldn't even
be having this conversation.
You wouldn't even
be opting out of our
relationship and flying
across the country to LA...
- Wherever the
- can you even hear yourself?
This wouldn't
be happening. You know...
Do you really think
that's what this is about?
This is not about you.
This has nothing to
do with your writing.
This has everything
to do with my writing.
It's always had everything
to do with my writing.
Busted.
That was a dramatic night.
Yeah.
I was serious about
dinner, by the way.
It was so good.
Oh, thank you.
Shut up.
You should open
your own restaurant.
Yeah, can you imagine that
conversation with my parents?
Fuck it. Do it anyway.
So what, you just give
up on what you want?
Who says that's what I want?
Okay, it's what I want.
You happy?
Yeah, I totally am.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm sorry.
No no, it's okay.
I'm sorry.
Hey, don't take that
personally, okay?
- It's kind okay.
- Of like...
A new policy of
mine, apparently.
What's that mean?
Um, I just did the
same thing to Josh.
Oh, great.
Great.
Isaac, I'm, come on.
I didn't mean it like that.
I'm sorry.
That was embarrassing.
I thought that's
what you wanted.
No, I did.
I do, believe me.
Apparently not anymore.
Well, for a long
time I did want that.
Okay.
But...
But...
But that's, it's
not what you want.
You don't know what I want.
I-Isaac, you
don't want this.
Your 19 year-old
self wants this.
You want closure.
You want...
I think you're afraid that this
thing with Kate might be real,
you think it could be real.
Sarah...
How did it go?
I don't think I have
any blood on my hands.
That's great.
That's good.
Hey.
Hey.
You've been quiet all weekend.
Everyone likes talking
more than listening.
Sometimes I just
get tired of it.
I prefer the opposite.
Well, if that, that is not
a rare quality, I don't
know what is.
Ben didn't mean it.
What he said to you.
It's okay, I, I...
No it's not.
It's not okay, what they did.
It's not okay what I did either.
Can I see?
Why?
I don't know.
Okay.
You know we both
have to let it go.
Where you been?
Oh, attempting to
have sex with Sarah.
Good for her for
turning you down.
Heh, thank you.
You know, I can't remember
what happened last.
Me writing something good
or me and Siri having sex.
So basically what you're
saying is that you're
blocked in more ways than one.
Yeah, that's one way to put it.
To think that I've been
jealous of you for 7 years.
Hm.
Looks like someone
made a friend.
He's the only one
that understands me.
What happened to everyone?
Isaac and Kate went to bed.
I guess Siri did too.
And what about Alex.
I thought he was with you.
Ben, wait wait wait.
Ben...
Hey, did you find him?
Ben.
Ben!
What's going on?
Wait, wait, wait,
Ben, Ben, Ben Ben.
Please, please, please.
Just let me...
What can you possibly
say to me right now?
That I, I love you.
I really I do, more than
anyone in the world.
Fuck you!
Please-oh!
Ow!
Wait, Ben Ben Ben.
Ben, please, please,
I'm sorry, okay, no!
Ben!
Where are your keys!
Sarah, where are your keys?
I gave them to Ben.
The fuck's going on?
I don't know.
I don't know. Everybody's
getting together with everybody.
I heard it was
a real good time
I heard it was...
Fuck!
Shit!
Judgment has a way of creeping
into every relationship.
Even the most intimate.
If we're lucky, somewhere
along the way we meet a
few people who listen to us
without criticism or reproach.
We call those
people our friends.
Nice shiner.
Nice driving.
What are you doing?
Writing.
Um, I'm uh, I'm a
little fucked up.
No shit?
Can I play that card now?
Sure.
I um...
I know that uh...
That it's UN...
Unhealthy to...
To need, um...
T-just too much from
people, and I've been
working really hard on...
On, on trying to like...
Set up healthy, uh...
Ways of...
Communicating and...
I don't, I don't know,
I don't know why.
Hey, the world's got
enough people you've gotta
explain yourself to, right?
Tell me if that's shit or not.
Thanks for last
night, by the way.
For what?
For rebuffing me.
Hey, what are friends for.
I've been thinking a lot this
morning about investment.
Yeah, that's not
weird or anything.
No, I'm serious.
I think you should
open your place.
Eh, that's not going to happen.
What if I helped you get
on your feet, get set up,
get a little seed
money or something?
Okay, I don't need
anything from you.
I don't need help
or a favor or...
It wouldn't be a
favor, it'd be selfish.
I'd be making money off of you.
You're not being serious.
I'm totally serious.
Believe it or not, I'm a
pretty savvy businessman.
I know, but...
But what? Come on,
think about it.
Small place, lower east side,
12 tables, food from upstate.
Well, naturally the food
would have to be from upstate.
The dishes would be a
tasteful nod to the area's
fading Jewish and
Chinese denizens.
That's perfect.
Like uh, egg drop
matzo ball soup?
Yeah.
Szechuan brisket.
Got sweet and sour Kugel.
Mm.
Kung Pao...
Latkes?
Mm. That sounds really good.
That sounds terrible.
That does sound terrible.
What do you say?
Shake on it?
Hey, you've reached Ben Kaplan's
cell phone.
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
He's just blowing off steam.
Josh, I really fucked up.
I know.
He'll get past it.
It's ironic, though.
Why?
I just thought that if you
were ever going to slip
up, it would be with me.
Thanks for the ride.
Yeah.
So you'll, you'll
consider the offer?
Yeah, absolutely.
It's really fucking
good, you know?
Quite an auspicious start.
I guess I have you to
thank for that also.
Well...
Good dog!
Hey Timmy.
Thanks guys.
Happy I passed on the insurance.
Tell them it was an elk.
In the shape of a tree?
It jumped out like an elk.
He really can't drive.
Alex, you got any crazy
glue in the house?
You won't even notice.
So, do you hate me?
No.
I could never do that.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
I'm sure.
You know, I couldn't
believe my luck freshman
year when I found out your
place was across the hall.
Then when we actually
spoke, it was like I
wanted to throw away all
ideas of dumb luck and
start invoking God and
fate and a bunch of other
capitalized words.
Ben why are you
saying this right now?
'Cause when good things
happen, you always want to
imagine them as fated.
And when bad things happen, of
course the world's this
cold and brutally random place.
I'm scared of what the
world'd look like without you.
You can't stay with me
because you're scared.
You're right.
How was that for an
introduction to my friends?
A bigger disaster than I
could possibly imagine.
You're telling me.
Now you're going to dump
me as soon as we're not
stuck together at 30,000 feet.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean what
am I talking about.
You just said it yourself.
I'm...
I've made a total
fool of myself.
Baby, my friends
are the disaster.
You're amazing.
That's not true.
That's totally true.
You're the only sane
person here and you know it.
Hey.
I'm really glad you came.
You ready to meet my parents?
I don't think so.
I don't blame you. They're
fucking crazy.
Good Timmy.
So, we are all doomed,
romantically speaking.
Only on like a
deep karmic level.
For whatever reason, I'm
strangely okay with that.
- Yeah?
- What?
Maybe I'm turning
over a new leaf.
Maybe we should make one
of those pacts where if
we're still single when we're
35, we all just get married.
Who, the three of us?
Yes, and Timmy of course.
We'll make a great
dysfunctional family.
How's that sound Timmy?
I'd consider it.
Oh, hey, you going so soon?
Flight to catch.
We'll see if I can
rustle up Ben and Siri.
Thanks for coming, man.
See you soon, I hear?
Yeah, hopefully at
the end of the month.
I'm excited.
What does that mean?
Alex asked if there was
any openings at the place
I work, and I told
him there was a strong
likelihood I could
get him a job.
That's awesome.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
I think I have a strong resume.
Is that a suicide joke?
Too soon.
I'm going to miss you guys.
Not me.
I'll be checking
on my investment.
Ha, what investment?
Sarah's opening a restaurant.
- No I'm not.
- Is.
- No, what?
- He's...
Crazy.
Sarah.
What?
Take the money before he
gets an even worse idea
what to do with it.
Where's your stuff?
Yeah, about that.
I uh...
I think I'm hanging
around a while.
Seems like Ben got a good
idea for a story last
night and, so I told him
he should stay and write.
So staying was an option?
You, you could stay.
I don't want to stay.
You want to stay?
No, I don't want to stay.
I'm sorry, can we take
a group photo please?
Yes.
I thought, I thought
we talked about this.
I know, but please.
You've got time for
exactly one photo.
Here, I'll take it.
Thank you Kate.
Thank you.
The car is dying to be in it.
We have to.
Yeah, and don't forget
to get my shoes in baby.
Oho, please.
Frame up for the shoes, please.
It's the most important part.
Alex, right?
Yeah.
You can join us if you want.
Oh, cool thanks.
I send you on a mission
for sugar, you bring back
a lost boy.
Hey man, I'm Josh.
Hey, Alex.
Um, I don't think we met. I'm
Ben.
Siri.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ben, Siri. Siri, Ben.
Nice to meet you.
I think we're in the same dorm.
Yeah. Yeah?
Exactly. That's... shocking I
haven't met you before.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Isaac.
Josh.
Did you get enough
macaroni and cheese?
Shut up, Josh.
Did you order the Mountain?
Sh-I got this. Shut up Josh.
Hi. I'm Sarah.
Hi, Alex.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
Ignore him, anything he says.
Can you believe these guys?
I'm sure you'll fit right in.
Ben, want to just take a
solo, or do you want to
join the group?
Come on.
Alright, posture everyone.
Uh, I'm going to need
you to get a lot closer
together than that.
Okay.
Come on, come on.
Alright.
I'm going to pose a
quick idea, you guys.
Maybe next time we
do this, it's a happy occasion.
Is there going to
be a next time?
Uh oh.
- Okay.
- Alex...
One, two...