Adventures in Game Chasing (2022) Movie Script
1
Now you can open it up early.
Just... don't tell your parents, huh?
Wait, what?
An NES?! No way. Wait, for real?
It's just like in the commercial.
I know you've been wanting one for a while.
Now one catch.
It's got to stay here.
That's fine. I can ride
my bike here every day.
Thank you so much.
Go on, hook it up.
Hey, how'd you afford that with
your hours being cut back?
Relax, I got a good deal on it.
Besides, he'll come here more often.
Well, I'm surprised he
hasn't called you know who.
Oh, no!
Dude, get over here right now.
There's no time to explain.
Just bring a sleeping bag.
Jay? Jay!
Oh, hi, Jay.
Whoa!
Well, nice to see you, too.
No way! You got an NES?
I can't believe you got the best
video game system of all time.
Lucky! All I got were GoBots.
I got next!
No, I just got it! Back off!
Don't be greedy.
Wait 'til I die.
Hi, I'm Billy, and I suck at video games!
Now watch the master at work.
Hey, just listen. You
got to be careful, okay?
This is a sophisticated video game machine.
Dude, relax.
I'm better at video games than you.
Thanks, Papa, you're the best.
You're welcome.
I think I could play this forever.
No duh.
I cannot believe those alien chodes
just blew up our Earth, man.
Good thing we stole these starfighters to
escape in the nick of time.
- That was close.
- We're not out of the woods yet.
Looks like they did make off with
that earth crystal.
We have 2000 alien starfighters heading
straight our way, man.
That's a lot of aliens.
Here's where the fun begins.
I really hate it when you say that.
That's one stupid dead alien.
Two.
Fifteen.
You keeping track of your kills?
Are you gonna kill any aliens back
there or you on break?
I can't hit anything, man.
I think my controller's broken.
Oh, hi, my name's Billy.
I suck at murdering aliens.
Hi, I'm Jay and I have bad ass hair.
Oh, great.
That Death Destroyer is making off
with the earth crystal.
I can get that thing before it zips off.
Just gotta shake this bogey behind me.
No, no, hold it. I got you, man.
I just need to sweep around.
No need. He just bugged out.
Realized it was me he was dealing with.
I really can't say anything.
Because he is kind of a badass.
Of course. Billy, watch your six.
I have to go get the earth crystal.
I don't got time to babysit you!
Look, I'm over it.
They can have the crystal.
Dude, are you daydreaming again?
Can you shake him or not?
Hey, she's watching us!
Dude, get to work!
We're going to get fired!
Ahhhhh!
That's your embarrassed face!
Oh hoo hoo...
Stop!
Can I at least get one pew?
Nothing? All right, how about a little...
Robot action? Maybe a little this,
little bit of that.
A little...
Nothing, come on!
Can you please knock it off?
You're going to get us fired again.
This job sucks anyways.
I got to be honest, man.
I still wish I had my toys.
The backyard...
My Joe's...
Everything a boy needs!
Yeah, maybe if he's ten years old.
Dumb!
You feel like you're being watched?
Oh, no, a bee!
Are you playing with my
husband's collectibles?
No, ma'am. That's against company policy.
However, if we drop a box, we have to
make sure we didn't break anything.
What is wrong with you?
Oh, I never.
Why don't you come over later?
The guys are gonna be around.
I don't know, man.
Not up to it.
Look, it's been forever.
No more excuses.
Could this day get any worse?
There's potato salad in here!
I got a lot of my mind, all right?
For one thing, not getting us fired.
At least we wouldn't
have to smell potato salad.
My expensive vase!
How could you be such clumsy buffoons?
Hello.
I knew you two meat
puppets would mess up again.
Yeah, that's right.
I've been watching you.
You two all are too half wit imbeciles!
For the life of me, I can't figure out
why your mother didn't
euthanize you when she found
out you have the IQ of a jellyfish.
And unlike you, a jellyfish has got drive.
I got weeds in the front yard
more useful than you to me!
They put NUTRIMENTS in my lawn.
As a matter of fact, I'm going to get some
put them in a uniform, give them
a check, because you two are fired.
No, no, no, no! No!
You're worse than my brother Kyle.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
They won't bother you no more.
What do we do now?
Are you listening to me?
I need a sundae, dude.
I'm not dieting anymore.
You may not have a choice now.
Everything will be fine.
Don't worry about it.
Excuse me...
Ha ha ha!
Don't worry. They won't bother...
Men in Black and shadow people
are two completely different things.
Put it this way, man.
Men in Black are far more evil
than any creepy, sentient
shadows out there.
I saw ice gnomes.
Of course I'm going to get a
visit from the Men in Black next.
All right, I'll bite.
Who are these men in black?
If I knew who they were, Jay,
I wouldn't be talking about them.
Visit from these guys?
Your lips stay shut, buddy.
About what?
Everything, bro.
Aliens, shadow people, chupacabras.
Disapproving gnomes.
Underground bases,
hybrids, skinwalkers, dogmen!
Okay, hang on a second.
What does any of this have to
do with us getting fired today?
- Well, was your boss illuminati?
- Illumi-what?
Illuminati.
No, he wasn't, by the way.
Can we just stay focused here?
We need to figure out a job.
Maybe you shouldn't suck at stacking
and you won't get fired.
That's not exactly how I remember it.
Well, that's what Jay said.
I got an idea.
My cousin, Usevio?
He's a torso right now
because of an electrical accident.
He gets 3K a month from the government,
and now he doesn't have to do anything!
Hang on a second.
I think you might be onto something, Chief.
Eric, you okay living the rest
of your life as a torso?
For 3K a month?
I mean half. It was my idea.
I would need at least 75%, dude.
You're so greedy. 25%. No more.
And all we got to do is figure out
how to get those limbs off your body.
Or you can start a
business like me and Eric.
We investigate the paranormal.
Yeah, Ghost Getters!
You're afraid of ghosts.
No, I am not afraid of ghosts.
And you guys totally need to see our car.
It's a head turner.
It better be! I gave
you my life savings, man!
We get the ghost.
The Ghost Getters!
What, no! That's a racket!
Or another scheme. We need a job.
Like, actual jobs.
Want some of my sundae?
No, I do not.
Okay, no sundae.
You know, really feels like you've
given up on life lately.
It took a sundae for you to realize that?
On this episode of Garage Sale Suckers,
the guys find a floating
head worth thousands.
I'm going to offer them $2 for the
floating head because they are pretty rare
and it still floats, so
that's always a plus.
That's it!
We go to garage sales,
buy people's useless junk,
sell it for money. Boom. Rent paid.
You know what? No!
What's tomorrow? It's Friday.
Prime garage sale day. I'm going.
Have fun. I'm going
to be looking for a job.
Fine. Fine! Fine. Fine!
Fine. FINE! Fine. Fine!
See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow!
Idiot.
We get ghosts.
Think somebody really could throw
a football over a mountain?
I think Terminator could.
Rambo could. And me. What do you think?
What I think is we need to find a better
garage sale because all
this has a bunch of crap.
Look, it's got to be way better than
worrying about stupid
bills we can't pay, right?
Yo, check it out. GoBots!
Remember that Christmas?
We're supposed to be finding junk to sell.
What's junkier than GoBots?
You know what? I'm going to keep these.
We're supposed to be finding stuff to
make money on, and you're wasting it.
Won't you quit being such a wet blanket.
GoBots are awesome!
Hey. uh... you're a child. Right?
Well, maybe these are worth something.
These aren't the games you're looking for.
These are my games!
I haven't seen this stuff in forever.
Dude, I remember all of these!
Wrecking Crew. Turtles. Ghosts n Goblins.
Codename Viper. Dude, this is crazy!
You simpleton, these are not mere games!
These are precious
collectibles which you have
devalued with your neanderthal meat hooks.
Yo, he called you a neanderthal.
These are to remain untouched.
They are collectibles.
And also mine because
I just bought them, so...
All right.
Just make sure none of your B.O. has taken
permanent residence in the plastic.
What?
No "hi"?
No "how you doing? Glad to see ya"?
"Buzz off, nerd"?
Buzz off, nerd!
What's wrong with this guy?
Hold up.
You don't touch 'em?
Which means you don't
play them, though, right?
That has got to be the
stupidest question he has ever heard.
No, I don't play them!
Ruins the value.
Hey, you still have that NES
your grandparents gave you?
Give me that.
I don't know. Maybe it's
at my grandmother's house.
Let's go get it!
Yes, let's do it, fellas. Come on.
Why?
Because, uh... money. Ever heard of it?
$10 coming your way!
We should hook it up,
dude, it's been forever.
What, are we going to
play with the GoBots, too?
I was actually going
to suggest that. So yes.
All right, guys. You drive a hard bargain.
$20.
That's a lot of damn GoBots, you caveman.
I could use the money, if I'm being honest.
You can't sell it, dumb!
Yes, he can!
Look, let me give you my card, okay?
Over there? It's my associate, Roy.
If you find it, I'll be in touch.
Give me a ring, okay?
Cool?
All right, I'm just going
to slither on around here.
Roy and I are going to
have ourselves a private conversation.
Hope to see you soon.
Later.
You believe those two, Roy?
Not in a million years did I think.
How dare they?
Is this because they touched your games?
No!
No, no, no.
Let's keep our eye on them.
Trail them.
See if they actually find the NES.
Well, I mean, okay, but can I ask why?
You already have ten of these things.
What makes theirs so special?
That's my NES.
A lot of memories in this place.
Hadn't changed much, either.
Yeah, grandmother's
selling the place, though.
She's staying with my parents
most of the time, anyway.
How are you feeling?
Old.
I miss him, man.
I know. We all do.
It's coming up on a year
since he passed, isn't it?
Yeah.
Check that one out.
Wow.
That's the Christmas I got the NES.
They were just scraping by back then.
I don't know how he'd
afford to give me that thing.
He would've done
anything to make you happy.
It's obvious by that picture.
Looks just as happy as you.
Whoa, what? An NES?
Now one catch... it's got to stay here.
Wonder where it is.
I'll check the garage.
Wait for me.
Hey, you found it?
I'm still looking. Haven't found it yet.
So much for that.
It sucks, man. It sucks!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you just call Gran-Gran?
Just our luck. Are you kidding me?
Why would she let that
redneck cousin of yours take it?
Dude, the thing was collecting dust.
I never touched it after high
school. What do you expect?
Didn't he move out of
state, like, 20 years ago?
Yeah.
- So call him up!
- This is Chris we're talking about.
You know how paranoid he is about
the government keeping tabs on him.
He has no phone.
All I have is his address
in Montauk, Colorado.
Okay, look, Colorado is not that far.
Let's take a road trip and go get it.
We don't have anything else to do anyways.
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe looking for a crappy job?
Come on, man!
See, there you go, that's a great point,
but listen to yourself.
You want to take a road trip...
a hare brained scheme
across state lines to get a...
a toy?
Look, nobody's got the
balls to say anything to you,
so I'm going to do it.
You haven't been the same since Papa died.
I get it, man. It's been hard on you.
I'm not going to tell you to get over it,
because that's not going to happen.
But you have to focus on the good times
And growing up playing that NES?
Man, you know those were the good times.
I think getting this thing
and hooking it up will do two things.
One, it'll help keep Papa's memory alive.
And B, maybe, just maybe, it'll put a
smile on that stupid face of yours again.
One, my face is not stupid.
And B...
All right, let's go get it.
My arms bigger than yours, by the way.
No, it's not.
Is it? It's not, is it?
Quit touching me. That's gross.
Hey, idiot!
Nice disguise.
Didn't I tell you to get a Ghillie suit?
They didn't...!
They didn't have it in my size.
Well, I'm not surprised! Come on.
You ready? Is it recording?
Oh, my God, for the last time, yes!
Then say action! Jeez.
Behold the envy of the road.
My new pride and joy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
Our.
OUR pride and joy.
Ghost... Getter... 1!
Hey, guys, I know Colorado is
a hotbed for paranormal activity.
I just really want to thank you
for letting us come along with you.
What a piece of junk!
We're going to die if
we take that on the road.
Eric, let me talk to you here for a second.
You realize I gave you
the last $2,000 of my hard
earned money to help us get this new car...
And somehow, some way...
You completely knocked
it out of the park, brother!
Holy cow, it's absolutely amazing!
Whoo!
Yes!
Oh, my God, it has chrome bumpers?
Is this a custom faded paint job?
Custom license plate!
Is that our company logo?
It has tubes?!
Sail Away by the Kopterz plays -
What's so special about this NES, anyway?
I mean, is it haunted?
No, this happens to be
the console where I realized
I'm a video gaming god.
It was a gift to me.
While you're not wrong, I did get
1.4 million points in Duck Hunt once.
He used the light bulb trick.
Wait, wait, wait...
What's the light bulb trick?
Glad you asked!
You take the NES zapper, you point it right
at a light bulb, and you cheat your way
to a bunch of ill-gotten points.
He cheated.
Look, first of all, I didn't cheat.
And secondly, nobody even saw me do it.
Video games are boring.
Let's talk about aliens!
I need to see something paranormal.
I once saw the ghost of
an old man in my backyard
a few months ago.
He mooned me and gave me the finger.
When was this? You
never told me about this.
Eric, for the last time,
you were hallucinating.
For the last time, I wasn't even tired!
Well, how about this?
Next time it shows up, why don't
you follow it into your original dimension?
Hilarious.
At least I'm not a sad
emo who quit hanging out
because I'm a sad emo.
How's the crotch fungus?
Yeah, well, at least I didn't
get caught slipping on a NES.
Eric, knock it off.
You know what? You
guys are stressing me out.
I'm going to go take a dump.
What just happened?
Mom...
I can't find Dodongo.
Honey, I told you not to bring
your pet spider to the restaurant!
Well, he's hungry, too!
Just get in the trunk.
I don't care if it smells.
This car was painted with hepatitis!
Just listen for an address, then call me
so I can beat them to the location.
What exactly is in this for me?
Other than months of medical bills?
You know, I can't tell if you're joking.
No!
Because I feel like your
intelligence quotient
is dropping dramatically
just being in their proximity.
Of course it does.
First of all, I didn't cheat.
And even if I did, it is totally okay
to exploit a glitch if it's in the game.
1.4 millions in Duck Hunt is nothing!
I can do that. I own gaming records.
Okay. Do you own a new personality?
No, but I own this high score book
where I write down my high scores.
I've got three pages, probably four
by the end of the year.
You NES fanboys make me sick.
8-bits, no blast processing.
Why do you even game?
And I know your hunchback
friend has been stuffing food
in his pockets because
I saw him with my eyes.
My trained... gaming... eyes!
Yeeaah, nerds!
Waiter: The only good
games on the NES are Mario 3
and its label variants.
And speaking of monkeys,
your faces look like monkeys
but with human parts
instead of monkey parts!
Get out of my restaurant!
100% chance I'm way better
at video games than you.
I didn't do that stupid light bulb trick.
I'm going to call the authorities!
Authorities!
It's a spiderrrr!!!
The idiots! Just be quiet.
I got to go.
Morton, don't!
Hey! Hey! Stop, stop! Guys, guys!
Let me drive.
Absolutely not.
Come on, it's my car!
Hey, it's our car!
It's our car...
and we're not even that
far away. Let me drive.
I could use a nap, man.
You realize that's
probably a bad idea, right?
See? It's only probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry, what is that
in your hand right now?
Oh, my God. I think I'm
going to hurl chunks, man.
Whatever.
Why are you holding soiled underwear?
Well, it was either this or my socks!
They didn't have any toilet paper in there!
Why do you have them?
Because I'm not done wiping!
I just heard you guys running and screaming
out of there, so I hightailed it!
Would you get rid of them?
Whatever.
What are you doing?
You're ruining our car!
Are you going to let me drive or what?
What is the matter with him?
I don't know.
Please don't ever do that again.
Shotgun.
Are we really going to let him drive?
Look, relax.
I won't kill us.
Do you think I'm going to
drive us off a cliff or something?
This isn't a to-go buffet, fat Jesus!
And I know for a fact
that there's no spider!
You just are afraid to face a
real gamer who owns real gaming scores!
I expose you! I expose you!
Expotthed!!
It's looking at me. Go, go!
Spiderrrrr!!!!
Yeah, you run you fake gamer!
Roy: Please help. I can't take any more.
Did you at least get
some sort of intelligence?
There is no intelligence in this car!
You wouldn't believe some of the
mind-numbing conversations
I've had to endure.
Are you even listening to me?
I had to hear a two hour conversation,
which almost ended in a fist fight over
whether or not lakes are reverse islands!
Do you believe that?
I said extra mayonnaise! I know I did.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm hearing four
distinct snoring patterns
up there, which means
who the hell is driving this car?
Sorry, what's that?
The car! I don't know
who's driving it, Morton!
- You don't belong here!
- Oh, God!
Hey, nice car!
Tempest!
They're disapproving!
Mmm... tires!
They're disapproving!
I don't wanna die!
I should've finished wiping!
Stop!
Hit the brake!
I can't see the brake!
Oh, man.
That was one bumpy ride, wasn't it, guys?
Guys?
You guys know I hallucinate
sometimes when I'm tired.
Don't even act surprised.
Relax. I didn't kill us!
You're so dead!
He's headed to that biker bar, get him!
I don't think this is a bar.
Welcome!
Would you guys like a LARPing sword?
Oh, hell, no.
What is this place?
Only the best place in the
county to hang out on weekends!
I like to call it the
Tesseract, because our
hyper surface has eight
distinct areas of interest.
I am Loogey.
I hope you brought your dice, because
I'm in charge of the tabletop games.
Also, I welcome you to the Tesseract!
There's a Ratboy running
around here somewhere.
He might be asleep.
He eats a lot of cheese.
And I'm Wendy - Queen LARPer!
I don't even know what that means!
Don't explain it, though.
My name is Pat, leader of the Tesseract.
We don't usually see new faces down here.
Yeah, well, sorry about that, but doofy
over here ran us off a mountain.
Killed the car.
I'm sorry. I saw a gnome, we all know what
usually happens when I see those. Just...
Never seen this before.
Did you hear anything on the news about
a mental institution escape?
No, I don't think I did...
All this is amazing.
Can we just leave?
You picked the worst place
in Colorado to break down.
This town is filled with a wretched hive of
scum and villainy!
Like Star Wars!
I don't think this could
get any worse right now.
Looks like perfect timing.
What we playing tonight, boys? Atari?
Or Dragon Balls?
That's enough for now, Axl. Rufus.
But you promised we could
pound some nerds today.
Yeah, I even brought my
special nerd pounding bat.
Look, still got some blood
on there from the last time.
It's a nice bat, bro.
Are you done?
I don't welcome you to the Tesseract!
Mr. Hyde.
You said you would leave us alone.
Oh, I will.
But first, you must vacate this building by
tomorrow and take all
your nerd smell with it!
This is our place!
- Kyle Hyde?! You're Lemmy. What are you doing here?
- Lemmy?
- Don't tell me you know my brother.
- Brother?
Yes, my evil twin.
Owns a moving company in Texas.
A real jerk, if you ask me.
There's two of them?!
I own this building.
You can't just kick us out!
Oh, is that a fact?
If you don't leave, we'll break you.
Yeah, into many, many pieces.
Please, Mr. Hyde, don't do this!
You got until noon tomorrow or Axl
and Rufus are going to get violent.
All right, cut the theatrics, Toots.
So high strung.
If you had a man at
home taking care of you -
Legendary music plays -
We almost had it that time.
Why are you dreaming with a haircut?
Well, better question is...
Why are you controlling my dream?
That doesn't make any sense.
None of this makes any sense.
It doesn't...
Bro.
You were clinically dead
for like two minutes!
Did you see any shadow people?
Chief, no ghost stuff right
now, please. My head hurts.
Well, hey, listen.
We're in Montauk, my cousin's "house"?
Half a mile through the woods.
Apparently, I took the
shortcut down the mountain.
You're welcome.
Why don't you guys fight back?
Haven't you ever seen Revenge of the Nerds?
We're not fighters.
We're lovers!
All right, well, not really that, either.
Maybe I could get everyone
to help defend this place.
Ohh, like a nerd army!
But who am I kidding?
No one has ever stood up for me.
In fact,
Just the other day, Loogey
said that I smelled like...
disappointment...?
I appreciate the life story, Pat, but...
I'm just not that interested.
Yeah, we need to go in
case Chris passes out drunk.
Well, be careful out there.
This isn't the safest of towns.
Jay: Oh, gosh, nerds give me gas...
Oh, and watch out for the... skeletons.
What's up, dude?
Hold it right there, government scum!
I told you what would
happen if you came back.
Stop pointing that. It's just us!
Not government. But still scumbags!
Nice to see you, too.
It's been a while, man. Haven't
seen you since the funeral.
How have you been?
How have I been? I've been... great.
That's peachy.
Peachy?
What are you doing out
here in the middle of nowhere?
Science.
So reason why I'm here.
Trying to get my old NES back.
Remember, the one we used to play as kids?
So, let me get this straight.
You drug these three clowns all the way out
here in the middle of
nowhere looking for that
dirty, dusty, old NES we used to play?
Are you crazy?
He did the dragging, not me.
You know what this sorry
sack of crap used to do?
He used to hog it all day.
And then when it was my
turn, he wouldn't let me play.
I had to go cry to my grandmother.
She would go gripe at him,
tell him to give me a turn.
He would hand me an unplugged
NES controller and keep on playing.
What a freaking scumbag!
That's the old controller trick.
It was my idea, actually.
I got to know. Just my own curiosity.
Why did you steal my
NES in the first place?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stealing?
I didn't steal anything.
Gran-Gran practically threw that at me.
I felt bad, so I had to take it.
Besides, it had a layer
of dust on it anyway.
Wasn't doing anything.
I mean, wish he was wrong, but he's not.
Where is it?
You kidding me?
Like I have a freaking clue where it's at.
What do you mean, no clue?
I like to keep things up
to date around here, man.
What does that mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean?
I like to keep things up to date.
I'm not going to have a
hunk of junk laying around.
When I moved to this town,
I found a video game
store called Jarr's Games.
I traded it in.
It was old - piece of junk.
Where's this jar store?
It's not a jar store. It's Jarr's Games.
Bad for you it went out of business a while
back when this town went to crap.
But before it did,
that's who I traded it to.
That box looks good in
that window, doesn't it?
All right, well...
You got enough for a Genesis and a game.
Hmmm... what game should I get?
Might I suggest...
Action 52!
Is it cool?
Kid, look at me.
I know cool. Hm?
And, of course, it is!
It's got 52 action-packed games on it.
A Genesis and 52 games?
So much better than an old NES.
Is it a deal?
It's a deal!
All right.
Enjoy.
Those were the worst 52 games
I've ever played in my entire life!
Worse than Bible Adventures!
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
murder, I'm gonna murder you,
you NES stealing, raccoon eating,
moonshine drinking, NES stealing...
Redneck!
Dude, you're the one that left them
at our grandparents house to rot!
Actually not wrong about that.
Whose side are you on?
Calm down.
Take a breath.
I'm pretty sure I might possibly,
maybe know where it's at.
You didn't before the flashback.
Look, that's besides the point.
When Jarr's store closed,
he took it all back to
his house and stuffed
it all in the basement.
He just died a few months back.
The only problem with
that is it's abandoned.
And I'm pretty sure it's
guarded by his ghost.
Storms?
Basements? Ghosts?
Uh uh. I'm not going.
Are you crazy?
This is finally our big
chance to see some ghosts.
Don't you remember? We're Ghost Getters!
It's my day off, Chief. I'm out.
This sounds ridiculous. Are you sure?
Oh, I'm positive.
I keep an eye on everything
that goes on around here.
The house is on Wily Street.
Clearly haunted one.
Well, uh, thank you.
We're going to go check it
out before it starts to rain.
I feel you.
Hey, Eric...
Watch out for the aliens.
Aliens? As in plural?
Oh, yeah.
I've been trying to shoot them for years.
- Guys, do we have to go?
- Yes!
No! No! It's clearly haunted.
Hey, Eric,
don't trip over any
skeletons on your way out.
Skeletons? No.
I'll give you a call.
If you had a phone.
Hey.
What is this place?
Is the NES in there?
They went that way.
They went that way.
Then why am I picking you up here?
That's a good question. Uh...
Underwear? Crash?
Spider.
They had a spider.
Why did they have a spider?
That doesn't even make...
Why would they have...?
Shh, shh, shh, shh...
Roy?
I can't begin to understand the horrors
that you've been through...
But it seems that, uh...
being in the presence of those dunce heads
It's caused a little bit of
permanent brain damage.
And I'm sorry for that.
But we got to focus
because those idiots
are trying to take my NES!
That cannot happen. It cannot!
So, I'm going to need
you to snap out of it!
Get your head in the game
And tell me where they went!
They went that way.
That's all I know.
Well... that should be easy enough.
We'll go that way.
It's a small town.
It should be easy.
Okay.
Man, it's kind of scary out here.
Reminds me of the Munsters.
Oh, man. I hope so!
Why are you knocking on an abandoned house?
Because I don't want my
booty eating by a squatter.
What do you mean?
Mm, fair.
You know, this place really
isn't even that creepy, honestly.
Alright, maybe a little creepy.
No, no, no.
No way, man.
Door opening by itself?
No lights on?
I am not going in there.
That place is haunted!
My Ghost Getters partner, y'all.
My Ghost Getter partner... hey!
I don't see you going in.
Why don't you go in, big boy?
Would you relax?
It's just a breeze!
Even though the...
doorknob was clearly locked.
Look, we're just going to go in, all right?
Get the NES and come right back out!
No way. I ain't going in there.
You guys are on your own.
Leave me alone.
I'm gonna be out here waiting on y'all.
By myself.
Better than ghosts, right?
Was that a dogman call?
Shut up, Eric. There's
no dogmen in Colorado.
Guys, wait up.
Wait for me!
Lucky for us, their mindless cackling can
be heard nearly half a mile away.
Easy to track.
Now we need to follow them.
And get my NES.
Hey, guys, they made
millions of these things.
Even if you find an NES down here,
how do you know it's even yours?
My grandfather used to tally up all
the games I beat as a kid.
He'd actually rent all these
hard ones, like Battletoads.
His way of challenging me.
He'd always be there.
"Don't give up. Don't give up."
He was always so excited
when I beat a game.
Put a little mark at the bottom, like a...
Fighter jet or something.
How am I just now hearing this story?
Doesn't matter anyways.
I would have had more marks than you.
This place would make for good
footage for a paranormal investigation.
It's just a shame Chief
couldn't do something as simple
as hang onto a camera
while I drove us down a mountain!
God, I'm sorry, my bad!
It is your bad!
Guys, my phone just died.
Anyone have a flashlight?
Here you go.
Where did you get that?
Bro...
At your mom's.
Hmm.
Oh, damn.
What?
Oh, damn!
Whoa!
No way!
Dude, jackpot! Guys, get over here!
Careful, Jay.
That Jarr ghost may
have cursed those games.
That's true, Jay.
These games aren't haunted.
I said cursed, not haunted.
Well, they could be haunted.
First of all, guys, there's
no person... hang on.
You were at my mom's?
Ahhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I got it, I got it, I got it...
Ahh, I don't have it!
Look, we don't even
know it was your NES box.
There's not even a console in there.
It's styrofoam and cardboard.
This was a bad idea.
Can we just take a bus out of here?
- Can't give up yet.
- Yeah, we can!
You guys, I told you it was cursed.
Jarr's ghost is mad at us!
Can we not?
Chief...
We're being dumb.
There's no such thing as shadow people,
ghosts, or even dog men.
Enough of this Ghost Getters nonsense.
I'm ready to go home, too.
Could you be a little quieter?
Or maybe a little less donk?
I don't know if you've noticed,
But I'm not exactly light on my feet.
You're not exactly light on anything.
That's fair.
Did you hear that?
I'm out.
Wait, Eric. Wait.
That could be a samsquanch.
Chief, you noob!
Samsquanches do not lurk in basements.
I'm out!
Wait, hold on, wait a minute, Eric!
Ahhhhh!!!
Gonna kill Chris. This
house is not abandoned!
But it's haunted though!
Ahhhh!
Hey, relax, relax, relax!
Relax? You want me to relax?
This was a mistake!
Yeah, a mistake I'm gonna rectify.
Guys, avenge me!
He shot Eric!
Quiet, or you're next!
Big Al send you?
It was my stupid, stupid
cousin said that this
place was abandoned and the owner was dead!
Well, I make dead bodies. But I ain't dead!
At least not all the way.
All right. Not the walking undead. Got it.
If you guys were assassins,
you're about the sorriest looking
bunch of goons I ever did see.
Just gonna gather our dead.
And we're gonna go.
I got to ask. Are you, uh...
Mr. Jarr, by chance?
What are you doing?
Now see, that right there...
That's something an assassin would ask.
My cousin... stupid redneck...
a long time ago, sold you
my NES without my permission
and said that you put it in the window.
That's fine. That's fine.
But here's the thing.
My grandfather got me it,
and we came looking for it.
So you guys are...
Just nerds...
not assassins.
I mean, we're a little
bit nerdy, but not like
cosplaying LARPing
kind of nerds or anything.
That's super nerdy.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right, follow me.
So you can make lampshades out of our skin?
O... kay.
You want your NES, or do
you want me to blast you?
Because I am a master blaster.
You ever play the game?
Y-yeah. No. Yes. Sometimes.
No.
What in the hell is wrong with you boys?
I don't know.
Move.
Get this one up.
Get up, sunshine.
It's only pellets. Don't be a sissy.
Let's go.
Sissy. Come on. Quit
napping. Get up, get up.
This guy's about to kill us, dude.
Always liked games.
I got a bunch in my basement right now.
I got this one called Action 52.
Can you believe this?
They fit 52 action packed games...
...on one cart!
Did they use magic?
Boy, you're this close from getting shot.
Now...
If it's the unit I'm thinking about...
It was in the original box.
Had a little bit of a slime stain on it.
Anyway, it was still good enough to use
in the window as a display unit.
You know, lure in paying customers.
And boy, did it ever work.
Like moths to a flame!
See, my business went up in smoke because
my jerk of a partner screwed me over.
So I took my half of the games and all
the merch, put it down
in my basement safely.
Is it still down there?
Just the box.
I took out the NES and I
used it as a demo model.
Fire it up. Let people play it, you know.
So where's the NES now?
Get this...
I took his half of the games...
And I put it inside a
closet inside the store.
And me being the vindictive
Prick!
That I am...
I covered over the
entrance with a brick wall
because you... don't... screw... with me!
Ain't that right, Mama?
Yeah, I think that...
NES might have got mixed
up with his stuff, and...
Well, to this day, it's
probably still in the closet.
Who does that?
I do that.
And you would, too, if you
had to deal with that guy.
Yeah. No, I get it.
One time, this guy right here
ate all the pizza rolls, and...
I took his Weezer CD and
shoved it up my butt crack!
That's his embarrassed face!
Girls. Girls.
GIRLS!
Trying to tell a story here.
Now, the guy has been
rotting in jail for years, so...
As far as I know, the
stuff could still be in there.
Oh, kill me.
Can we just go home?
No, we're not...
Going home. Don't agree
with him. We're close!
I haven't been down that
road in a year or so, but...
It was still abandoned and boarded up.
Look, our cell reception
kind of blows out here.
Is there any way you can
draw us a map, maybe?
Hey you.
- Me??
- Yeah, you!
Looking like a big twinkie.
Come over here. Come here!
Just go.
Get over here.
Don't hurt me.
Turn around. Let me see that wound.
Oh, my God.
The hell is he doing?
Yeah. I'm going to draw
you a map right here.
He's using his butt as paper?!
Why don't you even have any underwear on?
I... Long story.
A little bit of fungus here.
I think I would use that as a tree.
Right there. Huh, there we go.
And go across here.
This is a dream... or I'm in hell.
All right.
I got rid of the fungus.
It tickled.
I just appreciate the fact
that you appreciate my games.
When I went into the
Witness Protection program,
I always knew I was going
to open up a game store.
Um, I'm sorry. Witness Protection Program.
I don't think you're
supposed to tell us that.
You smell that?
Did you fart?
I hope my incinerator isn't broke again.
We, uh... need to leave.
Don't you want your NES box?
I do not.
Actually, I have a really
bad case of diarrhea...
And I need to go take a dump in the woods.
I can go down there and get it.
Better yet, you can go down
there with me. No, really.
You can go down there with me. Look.
Hey, make a left at the
fungus tree, all right?
And put some... put some underwear on!
God, we're so lost.
This map stinks.
Do you think he meant that piece of
fungus to represent
the carnival back there?
Am I growing a cyst on my ass?
This reminds me.
I had seven games with
that NES. Where are they?
Most likely, he traded those in, too.
I'm gonna kill him.
Guys.
Why don't we just go back and start over?
Did you guys hear something?
Sounded kind of scary.
Will you stop?
We're in the middle of
something here. Do you mind?
No, I actually heard it, too.
Yeah. Yeah, it kind of sounded like...
Like an alien!
Oh, my God!
Eric, wait!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Guys, why are we running?
This is the most amazing thing ever.
It's first contact!
Attention Earth creatures.
I am on a mission to abduct a human being.
Give me the one known as
Eric that I might abduct him.
I'm Eric.
Oh, come on!
This is the best day of my life!
Give me Eric!
I will shoot you in the
face with my ray gun!
We're really going to
pretend like this is real?
Leave this area immediately
and give me that hairy troll!
Where do you come from?
Are you deaf?
Aryoudef? Aryoudef?
What solar system is that from?
Oh, God.
Chief, are you serious?
It's a guy in a mask!
Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay!
Don't provoke it.
This is first contact.
We have to be careful.
Yo, get off me with all that alien mumbo -
It's not real!
Take this, you Aryoudefian bastard.
Think I...
...I need...
...an ambulance.
Don't shoot! Don't shoot.
What are you doing here?
I'm done with the games.
Well, not video games, but no more tricks.
I'm here to take back my NES.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah.
It's my NES.
Are you both still pretending
that you don't know who I am?
We know exactly who
you are. You're that little...
slithery thing that caught us
slipping at the games at that garage sale.
Are you following us? Why are you here?
I am Morton. Morton!
You really don't remember
what you did to me?
My NES was stolen... by you!
My NES was given to me by
my grandfather when we were kids!
Yeah, that's your story.
It was going to be mine.
Brand new, for my birthday.
I was running around the house,
trying to find my presents.
And then my mother caught me.
She was not happy.
She said she was going to
teach me a lesson about patience.
So she took the NES away
and sold it at a garage sale.
Where your grandfather
swindled it away from me!
Never even got a chance to open it.
Then I come to you and
ask, hey, can I play with it?
But I'm telling you, it'll work!
If we mow, like, 20 lawns a
day, that's 100 bucks a week.
That's, like, $5,000!
That's enough to buy, like, ten NES games!
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Who are you?
Morton, from down the
street. I know you have the NES.
Yeah. It's the best video game
console of all time. So what?
Did you take it out of the box?
How else are we supposed to play it?
Can I play it?
No!
Why not?
Because you're kind of weird.
Buzz off, nerd!
Someday I'll get my revenge.
And at that point, my
only choice was to watch
through the window as you violated my NES.
It was sickening.
Peeping piece of - you were watching us?
Yeah.
You got a problem with that?
That depends. What did you see?
Yes, Jay.
You did do the light bulb trick!
Oh, I knew it. I knew it!
Damn it!
Cheater.
You cheating cheater!
Let me get this straight.
You're actually trying to lay claim
to a 30 year old console?
My console - that you never even touched?
Now, that's hilarious!
Because when you got bored with the thing,
you probably just threw
it in a closet and let it rot!
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
I ain't got all night, fellas!
I'm ready to reclaim my childhood NES.
And I need to see Eric's butt!
You better not touch him.
I don't even know what's going on anymore.
Look, the dumb one's already down.
The other guys half our size.
Let's just take him out!
Hey, wait a minute.
I got an idea.
What if we draw a map
on Eric's other cheek...
show it to these guys...
and confuse them a little bit?
That's actually a really good idea.
Who has the best handwriting?
Don't look at me!
I write like stick figures.
Let's see if Eric has any good handwriting.
Hey, Eric.
Oh, damn! Get over here!
Idiots!
It's that way.
Oh, damn!
Give us the map!
Were you pulling my hair?
I was actually biting it.
Nobody talk about this!
Look.
I'm not going to demand
that you remove your pants...
but I'm going to ask nicely
so that you don't make a
scene when we look at the map.
Or else...
Let's ride the lightning!
This isn't even a real
electric chair! I'm not scared.
This is just a prop in a fun house!
Really?
Wow, that is, uh... a
serious safety hazard.
But it works out for us, doesn't it?
When you're dead,
your only friends will be shadow people.
I'm tired of this.
The map.
Now!
All right, guys.
Oh, man.
What'd I get myself into?
Finally.
Eric, you... traitor!
Don't you think about it!
I'll put him right back
in that electric chair!
You are the worst thing that has
ever happened to me in my life.
I want to take the NES and sell it...
the first flea market I find!
Roy, what has gotten into you?
What's gotten into me?
These guys that throw underwear in my...
Enough!
All right, let's see that juicy ass.
Why don't you just take a picture of it?
It'll last longer!
Already ahead of you.
Wait...
No!
No, no, no, no!
You nasty troll.
Your sweaty cheeks have smeared the map!
Hang on.
I think I can read it.
Think again.
Your time has come.
I can change!
I can change, I'm not even really evil.
I'm just super misunderstood.
You can't kill a guy with glasses, right?
I haven't even finished
my CDI collection yet.
Leave now, and take your lackey.
All right, let me just
slither on out of here...
What is happening?
Yo, screw this.
Death isn't getting me without a fight!
Wait!
Not so tough now, huh? Stupid Death.
Why?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We were just trying to help!
What... what are you doing here?
I was just getting the grounds ready
for the show next week.
I work here for Hawker.
Who's Hawker?
Me!
I'm Hawker.
This is my carnival
that you brought all of your drama
and physical abuse into!
Listen, Hawker, we're lost. Is...
there any way you can
maybe read a map for us?
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Yeah, I don't know what that is either.
What is this supposed
to be leading to anyway?
It's supposed to lead to
my NES, supposedly, but...
after all this, I kind
of want to give up on it.
God, this again. Really?
I just wanted to see something paranormal.
Same. Where the ghosts at?
Guys?
Guys, I got it.
Anus marks the spot!
You can pull your pants up.
I think it's a map to Flint Street.
The very same Flint Street that got
destroyed by a tornado months ago.
It's nothing but rubble.
And skeletons.
Okay, well, that's, uh, that's it.
That's... it's gone.
It's gone!
You didn't actually think we were
gonna find that thing, did you?
Yeah, I did. But if you
didn't, why'd you come?
Asking myself that same question.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
You guys can stay the
night at the Tesseract.
I have several rooms in the back with cots.
We use them sometimes for the
all night Triple Dragon tournaments.
Until tomorrow, that is.
Oh, that's right! You guys
are getting your butts kicked.
Yeah, he said at noon.
You want to be out of
the building before then.
Bunch of savages in this town!
I'm too old for this.
Come on.
This is a fun house.
Are you guys always this emo?
Just really sad that I...
Don't have to pull my pants down anymore.
What is wrong with you?
A vendetta?
You put me through all
of this for a vendetta?
A personal vendetta.
And I don't really appreciate the tone
you've been taking the last few hours.
My tone? My tone is the problem?
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
I don't know if you're
paying attention, Morton.
I got a mouthful of methane
and I got electrocuted.
Look, I'm not defending them or anything.
Their smell alone is enough to give them
the death penalty in any
number of states, but...
I kind of think the NES
is technically theirs.
Don't quote technicality to me!
My mother was wrong to sell that NES.
If my father was still alive
when everything happened...
See, he got it.
But right now, we need
to focus on the goal ahead.
Goal? What goal?
We don't have any leads.
No ass-map.
We have nothing!
Morton, it's over!
Wherever they go, we go!
We don't stop until I get back what's mine.
I'm not concerned.
At the end of the day, it was still mine.
Who holds a grudge for 30 years?
Papa always said, don't be jerks.
Come to think of it, if
he was here right now,
he'd probably say we should help the nerds.
Yeah. He'd also tell you not to give up.
I don't know if you've noticed.
I'm pretty sure it's safe to give up!
No, dude, I'm not just
talking about the NES.
Okay.
It was so simple back then.
No jobs, no bills.
Hanging out, playing video
games with family and friends.
I figured...
If I can get you to remember all that,
maybe it might make
things just a little bit easier.
Never got a chance to say goodbye.
I guess I'm just afraid
I'll get old and forget him.
You really think you're going
to forget him? Come on, dude.
He's stuck here and here...
and he'll always be there.
Just got to stop and listen.
I just wanted a piece of him back.
And I failed at it.
So, what? We didn't find that "toy".
The point is you didn't quit.
Actually reminds me of that time you had
Eric convinced he was
from another dimension.
And the only way he can get
home is to shave his eyebrows.
You were on that for like, two weeks.
Do you remember that?
Just in case you were wondering, that
comparison didn't really make any sense.
You're not wrong.
I don't know what you did, RatBoy, but...
it still looks the same to me.
It didn't take much.
I wasn't sure what the
tubes did, but they look
kind of important, so I
tightened them up anyway.
Engine had a bunch of
extra spare parts in it...
And dude, there was a sweet
pair of underwear in the back!
Wearing 'em.
Oh, do y'all have any cheese?
You know, man, I'm going
to go check on that cheese.
Thanks a lot, dude. I owe you one.
Colby jack? Muenster?
RatBoy needs his cheese!
You guys about ready to go?
Yeah.
Should probably go by
Chris's though. Say bye.
Also, I need to murder him because
he almost got us killed last night.
There is that.
Well...
Hopefully the ride home goes a
little smoother than the one here.
Hopefully you guys find a new place.
Yeah, I'm going to miss it.
I used to come here as a kid before
I bought it at a bank auction in January.
When did you say Kyle Hyde was coming back?
Showdown is at noon.
Hmm...
Hold on, you're thinking.
Look, can't just let
these guys get pummeled.
We have to try something.
I'm the bearded charmer.
I'm going to have Kyle Hyde eating
out of the palm of my hand.
May I interject?
I've already been shot
once this trip and I think
I'm starting to get a
cyst on my rectum from it.
Doesn't feel good.
How about you give me the keys
and you guys let me drive?
You drive? No.
We're not leaving just yet, Eric.
I got an idea!
Why don't we just lay out some booby traps?
That's... not a bad idea, actually.
What exactly are you thinking?
Toy cars on the ground
that they can trip over?
Maybe some paint cans swinging from the
ceiling, bop them in the head?
Yeah, we can even try to catch a Bigfoot!
It'd be great!
Or even set up flamethrowers
above all the doorways
and when they go through,
they burn their heads off!
Yes! Woohoo!
All right, we're going to die!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
What did this place used to be again?
Well, obviously a roller rink...
And they used to operate
a rental store up front.
Hey, stranger. What are we looking at?
This whole situation.
Oh, the old game store!
All this nonsense we could have avoided
if we go through the front of the building.
They say that the guy
that owned this place...
He haunts his own house.
Welp, see you later!
Jarr's, yeah, that's the name out front.
This was the place back in the day.
Great rental store!
Oh, I remember the time he tricked my older
sister into renting Action
52. She was so mad!
That's fascinating. You
know what this means, right?
Oh, Patrick.
Have a sledgehammer?
Of course. Who doesn't?
You're the best.
Would you mind if we knock down that wall?
Got his NES? Buttload of games?
You're chasing games hidden in the wall?
That doesn't make any sense.
But if there's really games
back there well, heck yeah!
Heck yeah!
My arm's still bigger than yours.
No, it's not.
Quit touching me.
Where's that sledgehammer?
I think I actually do
hear games back there.
You want to do the honors?
Yeah, why not? Stay back.
It's my first breaking of a brick wall.
Axl.
How do I look?
You look good.
Thanks.
My first big job since
I'm out of the joint.
I wanted to dress for the occasion.
Kyle Hyde: Oh, nerds!
Are you kidding me?
Is he early?
It appears that way.
My gut tells me you spineless jellyfish
Have no plans to defend yourselves.
Just come on out.
You got 1 minute.
Patrick, why don't you
all just call the cops?
We have one county sheriff and
he's afraid of Kyle Hyde too!
Great. The law man is Barney Fife.
Just hurry up and get your
NES and sneak out the front.
I'll go take another beating from Kyle
Hyde to buy you some time.
Hang on a second.
Eric, I think I need your
expertise on this one.
Mine?
Tell you what. You go
hide, Billy, get that NES.
You come with me.
Let's take care of these punks.
59, 60. Come on.
What the hell?
Uh, I... I am a man in black.
Uh, I came from my...
secret illuminati base
to give you a dire warning.
Jay, they're not buying it.
Dude, you got to sell it better!
This... building is...
under jurisdiction by the Reptilians.
And I'm going to have to ask you to leave
and forget you saw us...
or suffer the consequences!
Okay, Mr. Scary Man in Black.
You're not scaring anybody!
This is crazy.
What am I doing?
Is that what disappointment smells like?
Ugh!
I am not going to be like this anymore.
This is your last warning!
Okay, if you're a scary
man in black, what kind
of stuff do you tell
people to shut up about?
Pff! That's easy.
Aliens, shadow people,
hybrids, underground bases, uh...
Chupacabras, skinwalkers. Dogmen.
Okay.
I got to go do something.
Well, it all checks out.
Hold it, hold it! Stay back, stay back!
I'm an official Ghost
Getter and this building
is completely full of the
ghosts of the Men in Black!
Oh, damn!
There's one now!
Boo?
Get him!
Nyah, nyah, nyah!
Ugh, your crotch was on my neck!
It's just a crotch, quit overreacting!
Sweet games, man.
Is that Mega Man?
Who hides games in the wall though?
You a nerd?
Give me that, nerd. Let's go.
You're welcome. My
idea to come on this trip.
My NES!
You must be the dumbest monkey faced idiots
on the planet trying to cross me!
No, no, no, I'm too cute to die!
You better not haunt me!
Oh, I'm gonna. And I'm not going to worry
about you Ghost Getting me neither.
Because you're afraid of everything!
I'm not afraid of everything!
What? Don't you remember that one time you
thought you were from
another dimension because
you thought your eyebrows were different?!
First of all, that's a Mandela effect...
And if you have no idea what that is,
I do not want you as my
Ghost Getter partner, anyway!
Same! Same! Same! Fine.
Okay! Shut up! I will!
Leave me alone! Okay! I hate you.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Just shut up!
You're both going to be dead.
No one's haunting anybody!
Will you relax?
We're just gonna mangle you a little bit
and leave you as torsos.
They keep hitting me.
Focus.
He knocked me off again.
It's okay. Just get back up.
Hey!
I remember these!
Don't tell me my video games are
still here after all these years!
I say we smash it to bits.
Might as well, because I'm going to smash
everything in sight unless I get my money
that Jarr put in that building.
Jarr put video games in there. Not money!
Maybe my money is in there. Maybe not.
But I'm going to find out.
Also, I just feel like being an ass.
Hey.
Don't give up.
Stop!
That was a gift from my grandfather!
And he's gone now.
It's been a lot more difficult than
I imagined to track that thing down.
But he always told me, never give up.
And I'm going to take that thing
and we're going to go hook it up again.
Just like old times.
Please?
My father bought me my
first tattoo when I was eleven.
It's right here. You want to see it?
It's a floating head.
Reminds me of him.
Look, I know what you're going through.
So Rufus is gonna smash your game toy.
And I might let you go
after making you into torsos.
Consider it your punishment.
That guy is a real jerk.
I've been dealing with
jerks my entire life.
I don't like jerks.
Wish that spider would
just kinda appear on his back.
That'd be kind of handy right now.
What are you sweaty meatheads doing?
Do you realize this is
a precious collectible?
Why don't you just take the Mona Lisa and
let a rhino wipe its rump with it?
You're a dead little man!
Oh, really?
Well, I...
have a Roy.
Roy?
Roy?
Ehh, you're big.
What the hell?
Neeerrrrdddds!!!
Aw, man, I hate it!
I'm not dealing with this!
Where's my reinforcements?
Did they just call for reinforcements?
Nah, you're just hearing things.
Oh, yeah! Oh, no!
Nyaaaaah!
No! This is worse than ice gnomes!
Eh, I gotta go, RatBoy's
gotta save his skin!
Loogie! Loogie!
Where did that butthead Kyle Hyde go?
He lies there... within the trees.
Ahhh.
Time to put my newfound
confidence to the test!
Dooooh! Whoooa...
You're dead, nerd!
I guess today is a good day to die!
I represent the tabletop guild!
Damn!
Whoa!
If so powerful you are, why leave?
Nerds don't get revenge!
This isn't revenge yet.
Now if this was a triple dragon tournament,
I would be getting lots of revenge.
A triple what?
Look, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
But don't test me!
Stay away from our place!
If you try anything,
You will have to contend
with me and my friends.
You can't scare me.
I'll be back.
Spiddeeeeerrr!
Whoaaaa!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!
Watch for skeletons!
I'm too old for this crap.
I'm gonna break both your necks!
To do that, you need
.8 more pounds of force!
That sounds accurate.
He can get that force by just
picking us up off the groounnd!
I'm going to kill you.
Dang nerds!
Nooooooooo!
Does this make us murderers?
They're not dead.
Their faces are just
melting off. Think, McFly.
Sweet!
Optimizing trajectory.
Rain hellfire down upon them!
Someone help me!
Ahhh, it burns!
Yeah, woohoo!
Get up. Where did it go?
I don't know.
Hey, that too faced loser,
Roy? Took off with your NES.
And he stole my mom's truck!
Never hire goons from a website forum.
Let's go, he's getting away! C'mon!
Get in the car, get in the car! Let's go!
This seems a little haphazard.
What's with all the lights?
Is this even street legal?
I'd love to tell you, Morton,
but that's confidential.
Let's go, Chode!
Where we're going we don't need chodes.
Did you see that car?
It has tubes!
Shouldn't we be going faster?
I mean, don't we have tubes?
The tubes are for sucking up ghosts.
And besides, I think one already fell off.
You guys want fast?
Hold on to your butts and watch this!
They wanted it so bad. But now I have it!
You and me on the road! It's just us!
I know what I can do.
I'm gonna sell you!
Why is any of this happening?
And why!
Was there a spider!?!?
Whhhhhyyyyy???
Hey! Anyone want an
NES? Classic gaming system!
$50 for sale. Come on. Step up! Step up!
Hey, is that an old NES?
Sure is, buddy. $50. Come on. $50.
I got $2.
2...?
I'd rather burn this thing! Burn it!
Get out of my face! $50. Let's go.
He's going to the flea market!
Come on. $50. Come on. $50.
Get him, catch that guy!
Give it back!
No. You know what?
After all this, I'm gonna keep it.
God, he's faster than he looks!
Get outta the way!
When I get to the top, I'm
gonna zip line out of here.
I'm going to throw
this NES into the ravine.
You'll never see it again!
Why are you so unstable?
Unstable?
Let's go over it, shall we?
I've been stuffed into a trunk.
I've had soiled underwear
thrown into my face.
I've been shot at.
I've had a fart in my mouth
and I've been shocked.
You'll forgive me for
being a little bit unstable!
Oh, and you know what?
While I'm thinking about it...
Reverse islands!
That's not a thing, you moron!
Would you look at that?
Pigs can fly.
We've got a swine on a zipline.
Just push the red button and let's get him.
Eric, nothing in this car works.
It's a piece of junk!
Get him!
So long, suckers!
AAAAAAAHHHHH!
I think he might be dead.
He probably deserves it.
This is my first dead body.
At least we got the
tubes to suck him up, right?
Yes, sir!
What do you mean, suck him up?
He's a ghost.
We're Ghost Getters.
Ghosts aren't real!
Morton, you have much to learn.
Stupid...
Game Chasers.
You guys actually got it!
Yeah, not a scratch on it!
Except for all these scratches over here.
So, I really need to apologize
for my ex-associate, Roy.
If you think about it, he really turned out
to be the antagonist
of this little adventure.
Wouldn't you say?
The great thing is now he's dead!
He might be dead! He might be.
Well, well, well.
Congratulations.
Eh, wait...
That ain't the NES your cousin traded in.
What?
I'm just kiddin' ya!
Oh, man, you totally fell for that one!
It's his embarrassed face!
Hey, seriously though...
Think this calls for a
celebration. What do you think?
Your time has...
Come to party, am I right guys?
Man! Real sausage fest
up in here. What's going on?
What are you doing here?
I don't know, but you think I'm creepy?
This guy is looking at me weird.
So, we partying or what?
Yeah!
Alright. Well, let's go celebrate!
Oh, hey, guys!
Hello.
Would you now like a LARPing sword?
Thank you, ma'am.
Of course.
I think Kyle Hyde is
going to leave us alone.
His goons are our friends now.
I can see that!
And thanks for saving our butts.
Absolutely.
And thank you.
Oh...
And I'll send you a bill for the wall.
Have fun!
Toodles!
Too... toodles?
Man, this was one crazy weekend, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Did you ever think you'd
wind up in a place like this?
Nope.
How do you feel now?
What was it you said?
Pew?
I guess I feel pew.
Finally.
Yeah, finally.
I'm gonna go out... get some fresh air.
All right, man.
Oh, hey, by the way...
when we get home...
I'm first. Called it.
Goodbye.
Makes it work better.
Let's start this bad boy.
Okay, hey, I actually called first.
So I'm going to need to get that con...
Wow, this is actually better than
looking at them behind glass.
The mushrooms, you actually need to get 'em
because they help you.
Do me a favor.
Hold B to run. You're wearing me out.
Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Hold it. Don't tap it.
Yeah, but then I jumped too far.
Oh, you're getting pretty good at that.
I think you can do it!
Yes!
Oh, yeahhh!
I knew you'd get it.
See that's what happens, huh?
Keep at it!
Think I could play this forever.
No duh.
Now you can open it up early.
Just... don't tell your parents, huh?
Wait, what?
An NES?! No way. Wait, for real?
It's just like in the commercial.
I know you've been wanting one for a while.
Now one catch.
It's got to stay here.
That's fine. I can ride
my bike here every day.
Thank you so much.
Go on, hook it up.
Hey, how'd you afford that with
your hours being cut back?
Relax, I got a good deal on it.
Besides, he'll come here more often.
Well, I'm surprised he
hasn't called you know who.
Oh, no!
Dude, get over here right now.
There's no time to explain.
Just bring a sleeping bag.
Jay? Jay!
Oh, hi, Jay.
Whoa!
Well, nice to see you, too.
No way! You got an NES?
I can't believe you got the best
video game system of all time.
Lucky! All I got were GoBots.
I got next!
No, I just got it! Back off!
Don't be greedy.
Wait 'til I die.
Hi, I'm Billy, and I suck at video games!
Now watch the master at work.
Hey, just listen. You
got to be careful, okay?
This is a sophisticated video game machine.
Dude, relax.
I'm better at video games than you.
Thanks, Papa, you're the best.
You're welcome.
I think I could play this forever.
No duh.
I cannot believe those alien chodes
just blew up our Earth, man.
Good thing we stole these starfighters to
escape in the nick of time.
- That was close.
- We're not out of the woods yet.
Looks like they did make off with
that earth crystal.
We have 2000 alien starfighters heading
straight our way, man.
That's a lot of aliens.
Here's where the fun begins.
I really hate it when you say that.
That's one stupid dead alien.
Two.
Fifteen.
You keeping track of your kills?
Are you gonna kill any aliens back
there or you on break?
I can't hit anything, man.
I think my controller's broken.
Oh, hi, my name's Billy.
I suck at murdering aliens.
Hi, I'm Jay and I have bad ass hair.
Oh, great.
That Death Destroyer is making off
with the earth crystal.
I can get that thing before it zips off.
Just gotta shake this bogey behind me.
No, no, hold it. I got you, man.
I just need to sweep around.
No need. He just bugged out.
Realized it was me he was dealing with.
I really can't say anything.
Because he is kind of a badass.
Of course. Billy, watch your six.
I have to go get the earth crystal.
I don't got time to babysit you!
Look, I'm over it.
They can have the crystal.
Dude, are you daydreaming again?
Can you shake him or not?
Hey, she's watching us!
Dude, get to work!
We're going to get fired!
Ahhhhh!
That's your embarrassed face!
Oh hoo hoo...
Stop!
Can I at least get one pew?
Nothing? All right, how about a little...
Robot action? Maybe a little this,
little bit of that.
A little...
Nothing, come on!
Can you please knock it off?
You're going to get us fired again.
This job sucks anyways.
I got to be honest, man.
I still wish I had my toys.
The backyard...
My Joe's...
Everything a boy needs!
Yeah, maybe if he's ten years old.
Dumb!
You feel like you're being watched?
Oh, no, a bee!
Are you playing with my
husband's collectibles?
No, ma'am. That's against company policy.
However, if we drop a box, we have to
make sure we didn't break anything.
What is wrong with you?
Oh, I never.
Why don't you come over later?
The guys are gonna be around.
I don't know, man.
Not up to it.
Look, it's been forever.
No more excuses.
Could this day get any worse?
There's potato salad in here!
I got a lot of my mind, all right?
For one thing, not getting us fired.
At least we wouldn't
have to smell potato salad.
My expensive vase!
How could you be such clumsy buffoons?
Hello.
I knew you two meat
puppets would mess up again.
Yeah, that's right.
I've been watching you.
You two all are too half wit imbeciles!
For the life of me, I can't figure out
why your mother didn't
euthanize you when she found
out you have the IQ of a jellyfish.
And unlike you, a jellyfish has got drive.
I got weeds in the front yard
more useful than you to me!
They put NUTRIMENTS in my lawn.
As a matter of fact, I'm going to get some
put them in a uniform, give them
a check, because you two are fired.
No, no, no, no! No!
You're worse than my brother Kyle.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
They won't bother you no more.
What do we do now?
Are you listening to me?
I need a sundae, dude.
I'm not dieting anymore.
You may not have a choice now.
Everything will be fine.
Don't worry about it.
Excuse me...
Ha ha ha!
Don't worry. They won't bother...
Men in Black and shadow people
are two completely different things.
Put it this way, man.
Men in Black are far more evil
than any creepy, sentient
shadows out there.
I saw ice gnomes.
Of course I'm going to get a
visit from the Men in Black next.
All right, I'll bite.
Who are these men in black?
If I knew who they were, Jay,
I wouldn't be talking about them.
Visit from these guys?
Your lips stay shut, buddy.
About what?
Everything, bro.
Aliens, shadow people, chupacabras.
Disapproving gnomes.
Underground bases,
hybrids, skinwalkers, dogmen!
Okay, hang on a second.
What does any of this have to
do with us getting fired today?
- Well, was your boss illuminati?
- Illumi-what?
Illuminati.
No, he wasn't, by the way.
Can we just stay focused here?
We need to figure out a job.
Maybe you shouldn't suck at stacking
and you won't get fired.
That's not exactly how I remember it.
Well, that's what Jay said.
I got an idea.
My cousin, Usevio?
He's a torso right now
because of an electrical accident.
He gets 3K a month from the government,
and now he doesn't have to do anything!
Hang on a second.
I think you might be onto something, Chief.
Eric, you okay living the rest
of your life as a torso?
For 3K a month?
I mean half. It was my idea.
I would need at least 75%, dude.
You're so greedy. 25%. No more.
And all we got to do is figure out
how to get those limbs off your body.
Or you can start a
business like me and Eric.
We investigate the paranormal.
Yeah, Ghost Getters!
You're afraid of ghosts.
No, I am not afraid of ghosts.
And you guys totally need to see our car.
It's a head turner.
It better be! I gave
you my life savings, man!
We get the ghost.
The Ghost Getters!
What, no! That's a racket!
Or another scheme. We need a job.
Like, actual jobs.
Want some of my sundae?
No, I do not.
Okay, no sundae.
You know, really feels like you've
given up on life lately.
It took a sundae for you to realize that?
On this episode of Garage Sale Suckers,
the guys find a floating
head worth thousands.
I'm going to offer them $2 for the
floating head because they are pretty rare
and it still floats, so
that's always a plus.
That's it!
We go to garage sales,
buy people's useless junk,
sell it for money. Boom. Rent paid.
You know what? No!
What's tomorrow? It's Friday.
Prime garage sale day. I'm going.
Have fun. I'm going
to be looking for a job.
Fine. Fine! Fine. Fine!
Fine. FINE! Fine. Fine!
See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow!
Idiot.
We get ghosts.
Think somebody really could throw
a football over a mountain?
I think Terminator could.
Rambo could. And me. What do you think?
What I think is we need to find a better
garage sale because all
this has a bunch of crap.
Look, it's got to be way better than
worrying about stupid
bills we can't pay, right?
Yo, check it out. GoBots!
Remember that Christmas?
We're supposed to be finding junk to sell.
What's junkier than GoBots?
You know what? I'm going to keep these.
We're supposed to be finding stuff to
make money on, and you're wasting it.
Won't you quit being such a wet blanket.
GoBots are awesome!
Hey. uh... you're a child. Right?
Well, maybe these are worth something.
These aren't the games you're looking for.
These are my games!
I haven't seen this stuff in forever.
Dude, I remember all of these!
Wrecking Crew. Turtles. Ghosts n Goblins.
Codename Viper. Dude, this is crazy!
You simpleton, these are not mere games!
These are precious
collectibles which you have
devalued with your neanderthal meat hooks.
Yo, he called you a neanderthal.
These are to remain untouched.
They are collectibles.
And also mine because
I just bought them, so...
All right.
Just make sure none of your B.O. has taken
permanent residence in the plastic.
What?
No "hi"?
No "how you doing? Glad to see ya"?
"Buzz off, nerd"?
Buzz off, nerd!
What's wrong with this guy?
Hold up.
You don't touch 'em?
Which means you don't
play them, though, right?
That has got to be the
stupidest question he has ever heard.
No, I don't play them!
Ruins the value.
Hey, you still have that NES
your grandparents gave you?
Give me that.
I don't know. Maybe it's
at my grandmother's house.
Let's go get it!
Yes, let's do it, fellas. Come on.
Why?
Because, uh... money. Ever heard of it?
$10 coming your way!
We should hook it up,
dude, it's been forever.
What, are we going to
play with the GoBots, too?
I was actually going
to suggest that. So yes.
All right, guys. You drive a hard bargain.
$20.
That's a lot of damn GoBots, you caveman.
I could use the money, if I'm being honest.
You can't sell it, dumb!
Yes, he can!
Look, let me give you my card, okay?
Over there? It's my associate, Roy.
If you find it, I'll be in touch.
Give me a ring, okay?
Cool?
All right, I'm just going
to slither on around here.
Roy and I are going to
have ourselves a private conversation.
Hope to see you soon.
Later.
You believe those two, Roy?
Not in a million years did I think.
How dare they?
Is this because they touched your games?
No!
No, no, no.
Let's keep our eye on them.
Trail them.
See if they actually find the NES.
Well, I mean, okay, but can I ask why?
You already have ten of these things.
What makes theirs so special?
That's my NES.
A lot of memories in this place.
Hadn't changed much, either.
Yeah, grandmother's
selling the place, though.
She's staying with my parents
most of the time, anyway.
How are you feeling?
Old.
I miss him, man.
I know. We all do.
It's coming up on a year
since he passed, isn't it?
Yeah.
Check that one out.
Wow.
That's the Christmas I got the NES.
They were just scraping by back then.
I don't know how he'd
afford to give me that thing.
He would've done
anything to make you happy.
It's obvious by that picture.
Looks just as happy as you.
Whoa, what? An NES?
Now one catch... it's got to stay here.
Wonder where it is.
I'll check the garage.
Wait for me.
Hey, you found it?
I'm still looking. Haven't found it yet.
So much for that.
It sucks, man. It sucks!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you just call Gran-Gran?
Just our luck. Are you kidding me?
Why would she let that
redneck cousin of yours take it?
Dude, the thing was collecting dust.
I never touched it after high
school. What do you expect?
Didn't he move out of
state, like, 20 years ago?
Yeah.
- So call him up!
- This is Chris we're talking about.
You know how paranoid he is about
the government keeping tabs on him.
He has no phone.
All I have is his address
in Montauk, Colorado.
Okay, look, Colorado is not that far.
Let's take a road trip and go get it.
We don't have anything else to do anyways.
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe looking for a crappy job?
Come on, man!
See, there you go, that's a great point,
but listen to yourself.
You want to take a road trip...
a hare brained scheme
across state lines to get a...
a toy?
Look, nobody's got the
balls to say anything to you,
so I'm going to do it.
You haven't been the same since Papa died.
I get it, man. It's been hard on you.
I'm not going to tell you to get over it,
because that's not going to happen.
But you have to focus on the good times
And growing up playing that NES?
Man, you know those were the good times.
I think getting this thing
and hooking it up will do two things.
One, it'll help keep Papa's memory alive.
And B, maybe, just maybe, it'll put a
smile on that stupid face of yours again.
One, my face is not stupid.
And B...
All right, let's go get it.
My arms bigger than yours, by the way.
No, it's not.
Is it? It's not, is it?
Quit touching me. That's gross.
Hey, idiot!
Nice disguise.
Didn't I tell you to get a Ghillie suit?
They didn't...!
They didn't have it in my size.
Well, I'm not surprised! Come on.
You ready? Is it recording?
Oh, my God, for the last time, yes!
Then say action! Jeez.
Behold the envy of the road.
My new pride and joy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
Our.
OUR pride and joy.
Ghost... Getter... 1!
Hey, guys, I know Colorado is
a hotbed for paranormal activity.
I just really want to thank you
for letting us come along with you.
What a piece of junk!
We're going to die if
we take that on the road.
Eric, let me talk to you here for a second.
You realize I gave you
the last $2,000 of my hard
earned money to help us get this new car...
And somehow, some way...
You completely knocked
it out of the park, brother!
Holy cow, it's absolutely amazing!
Whoo!
Yes!
Oh, my God, it has chrome bumpers?
Is this a custom faded paint job?
Custom license plate!
Is that our company logo?
It has tubes?!
Sail Away by the Kopterz plays -
What's so special about this NES, anyway?
I mean, is it haunted?
No, this happens to be
the console where I realized
I'm a video gaming god.
It was a gift to me.
While you're not wrong, I did get
1.4 million points in Duck Hunt once.
He used the light bulb trick.
Wait, wait, wait...
What's the light bulb trick?
Glad you asked!
You take the NES zapper, you point it right
at a light bulb, and you cheat your way
to a bunch of ill-gotten points.
He cheated.
Look, first of all, I didn't cheat.
And secondly, nobody even saw me do it.
Video games are boring.
Let's talk about aliens!
I need to see something paranormal.
I once saw the ghost of
an old man in my backyard
a few months ago.
He mooned me and gave me the finger.
When was this? You
never told me about this.
Eric, for the last time,
you were hallucinating.
For the last time, I wasn't even tired!
Well, how about this?
Next time it shows up, why don't
you follow it into your original dimension?
Hilarious.
At least I'm not a sad
emo who quit hanging out
because I'm a sad emo.
How's the crotch fungus?
Yeah, well, at least I didn't
get caught slipping on a NES.
Eric, knock it off.
You know what? You
guys are stressing me out.
I'm going to go take a dump.
What just happened?
Mom...
I can't find Dodongo.
Honey, I told you not to bring
your pet spider to the restaurant!
Well, he's hungry, too!
Just get in the trunk.
I don't care if it smells.
This car was painted with hepatitis!
Just listen for an address, then call me
so I can beat them to the location.
What exactly is in this for me?
Other than months of medical bills?
You know, I can't tell if you're joking.
No!
Because I feel like your
intelligence quotient
is dropping dramatically
just being in their proximity.
Of course it does.
First of all, I didn't cheat.
And even if I did, it is totally okay
to exploit a glitch if it's in the game.
1.4 millions in Duck Hunt is nothing!
I can do that. I own gaming records.
Okay. Do you own a new personality?
No, but I own this high score book
where I write down my high scores.
I've got three pages, probably four
by the end of the year.
You NES fanboys make me sick.
8-bits, no blast processing.
Why do you even game?
And I know your hunchback
friend has been stuffing food
in his pockets because
I saw him with my eyes.
My trained... gaming... eyes!
Yeeaah, nerds!
Waiter: The only good
games on the NES are Mario 3
and its label variants.
And speaking of monkeys,
your faces look like monkeys
but with human parts
instead of monkey parts!
Get out of my restaurant!
100% chance I'm way better
at video games than you.
I didn't do that stupid light bulb trick.
I'm going to call the authorities!
Authorities!
It's a spiderrrr!!!
The idiots! Just be quiet.
I got to go.
Morton, don't!
Hey! Hey! Stop, stop! Guys, guys!
Let me drive.
Absolutely not.
Come on, it's my car!
Hey, it's our car!
It's our car...
and we're not even that
far away. Let me drive.
I could use a nap, man.
You realize that's
probably a bad idea, right?
See? It's only probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry, what is that
in your hand right now?
Oh, my God. I think I'm
going to hurl chunks, man.
Whatever.
Why are you holding soiled underwear?
Well, it was either this or my socks!
They didn't have any toilet paper in there!
Why do you have them?
Because I'm not done wiping!
I just heard you guys running and screaming
out of there, so I hightailed it!
Would you get rid of them?
Whatever.
What are you doing?
You're ruining our car!
Are you going to let me drive or what?
What is the matter with him?
I don't know.
Please don't ever do that again.
Shotgun.
Are we really going to let him drive?
Look, relax.
I won't kill us.
Do you think I'm going to
drive us off a cliff or something?
This isn't a to-go buffet, fat Jesus!
And I know for a fact
that there's no spider!
You just are afraid to face a
real gamer who owns real gaming scores!
I expose you! I expose you!
Expotthed!!
It's looking at me. Go, go!
Spiderrrrr!!!!
Yeah, you run you fake gamer!
Roy: Please help. I can't take any more.
Did you at least get
some sort of intelligence?
There is no intelligence in this car!
You wouldn't believe some of the
mind-numbing conversations
I've had to endure.
Are you even listening to me?
I had to hear a two hour conversation,
which almost ended in a fist fight over
whether or not lakes are reverse islands!
Do you believe that?
I said extra mayonnaise! I know I did.
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm hearing four
distinct snoring patterns
up there, which means
who the hell is driving this car?
Sorry, what's that?
The car! I don't know
who's driving it, Morton!
- You don't belong here!
- Oh, God!
Hey, nice car!
Tempest!
They're disapproving!
Mmm... tires!
They're disapproving!
I don't wanna die!
I should've finished wiping!
Stop!
Hit the brake!
I can't see the brake!
Oh, man.
That was one bumpy ride, wasn't it, guys?
Guys?
You guys know I hallucinate
sometimes when I'm tired.
Don't even act surprised.
Relax. I didn't kill us!
You're so dead!
He's headed to that biker bar, get him!
I don't think this is a bar.
Welcome!
Would you guys like a LARPing sword?
Oh, hell, no.
What is this place?
Only the best place in the
county to hang out on weekends!
I like to call it the
Tesseract, because our
hyper surface has eight
distinct areas of interest.
I am Loogey.
I hope you brought your dice, because
I'm in charge of the tabletop games.
Also, I welcome you to the Tesseract!
There's a Ratboy running
around here somewhere.
He might be asleep.
He eats a lot of cheese.
And I'm Wendy - Queen LARPer!
I don't even know what that means!
Don't explain it, though.
My name is Pat, leader of the Tesseract.
We don't usually see new faces down here.
Yeah, well, sorry about that, but doofy
over here ran us off a mountain.
Killed the car.
I'm sorry. I saw a gnome, we all know what
usually happens when I see those. Just...
Never seen this before.
Did you hear anything on the news about
a mental institution escape?
No, I don't think I did...
All this is amazing.
Can we just leave?
You picked the worst place
in Colorado to break down.
This town is filled with a wretched hive of
scum and villainy!
Like Star Wars!
I don't think this could
get any worse right now.
Looks like perfect timing.
What we playing tonight, boys? Atari?
Or Dragon Balls?
That's enough for now, Axl. Rufus.
But you promised we could
pound some nerds today.
Yeah, I even brought my
special nerd pounding bat.
Look, still got some blood
on there from the last time.
It's a nice bat, bro.
Are you done?
I don't welcome you to the Tesseract!
Mr. Hyde.
You said you would leave us alone.
Oh, I will.
But first, you must vacate this building by
tomorrow and take all
your nerd smell with it!
This is our place!
- Kyle Hyde?! You're Lemmy. What are you doing here?
- Lemmy?
- Don't tell me you know my brother.
- Brother?
Yes, my evil twin.
Owns a moving company in Texas.
A real jerk, if you ask me.
There's two of them?!
I own this building.
You can't just kick us out!
Oh, is that a fact?
If you don't leave, we'll break you.
Yeah, into many, many pieces.
Please, Mr. Hyde, don't do this!
You got until noon tomorrow or Axl
and Rufus are going to get violent.
All right, cut the theatrics, Toots.
So high strung.
If you had a man at
home taking care of you -
Legendary music plays -
We almost had it that time.
Why are you dreaming with a haircut?
Well, better question is...
Why are you controlling my dream?
That doesn't make any sense.
None of this makes any sense.
It doesn't...
Bro.
You were clinically dead
for like two minutes!
Did you see any shadow people?
Chief, no ghost stuff right
now, please. My head hurts.
Well, hey, listen.
We're in Montauk, my cousin's "house"?
Half a mile through the woods.
Apparently, I took the
shortcut down the mountain.
You're welcome.
Why don't you guys fight back?
Haven't you ever seen Revenge of the Nerds?
We're not fighters.
We're lovers!
All right, well, not really that, either.
Maybe I could get everyone
to help defend this place.
Ohh, like a nerd army!
But who am I kidding?
No one has ever stood up for me.
In fact,
Just the other day, Loogey
said that I smelled like...
disappointment...?
I appreciate the life story, Pat, but...
I'm just not that interested.
Yeah, we need to go in
case Chris passes out drunk.
Well, be careful out there.
This isn't the safest of towns.
Jay: Oh, gosh, nerds give me gas...
Oh, and watch out for the... skeletons.
What's up, dude?
Hold it right there, government scum!
I told you what would
happen if you came back.
Stop pointing that. It's just us!
Not government. But still scumbags!
Nice to see you, too.
It's been a while, man. Haven't
seen you since the funeral.
How have you been?
How have I been? I've been... great.
That's peachy.
Peachy?
What are you doing out
here in the middle of nowhere?
Science.
So reason why I'm here.
Trying to get my old NES back.
Remember, the one we used to play as kids?
So, let me get this straight.
You drug these three clowns all the way out
here in the middle of
nowhere looking for that
dirty, dusty, old NES we used to play?
Are you crazy?
He did the dragging, not me.
You know what this sorry
sack of crap used to do?
He used to hog it all day.
And then when it was my
turn, he wouldn't let me play.
I had to go cry to my grandmother.
She would go gripe at him,
tell him to give me a turn.
He would hand me an unplugged
NES controller and keep on playing.
What a freaking scumbag!
That's the old controller trick.
It was my idea, actually.
I got to know. Just my own curiosity.
Why did you steal my
NES in the first place?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stealing?
I didn't steal anything.
Gran-Gran practically threw that at me.
I felt bad, so I had to take it.
Besides, it had a layer
of dust on it anyway.
Wasn't doing anything.
I mean, wish he was wrong, but he's not.
Where is it?
You kidding me?
Like I have a freaking clue where it's at.
What do you mean, no clue?
I like to keep things up
to date around here, man.
What does that mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean?
I like to keep things up to date.
I'm not going to have a
hunk of junk laying around.
When I moved to this town,
I found a video game
store called Jarr's Games.
I traded it in.
It was old - piece of junk.
Where's this jar store?
It's not a jar store. It's Jarr's Games.
Bad for you it went out of business a while
back when this town went to crap.
But before it did,
that's who I traded it to.
That box looks good in
that window, doesn't it?
All right, well...
You got enough for a Genesis and a game.
Hmmm... what game should I get?
Might I suggest...
Action 52!
Is it cool?
Kid, look at me.
I know cool. Hm?
And, of course, it is!
It's got 52 action-packed games on it.
A Genesis and 52 games?
So much better than an old NES.
Is it a deal?
It's a deal!
All right.
Enjoy.
Those were the worst 52 games
I've ever played in my entire life!
Worse than Bible Adventures!
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
murder, I'm gonna murder you,
you NES stealing, raccoon eating,
moonshine drinking, NES stealing...
Redneck!
Dude, you're the one that left them
at our grandparents house to rot!
Actually not wrong about that.
Whose side are you on?
Calm down.
Take a breath.
I'm pretty sure I might possibly,
maybe know where it's at.
You didn't before the flashback.
Look, that's besides the point.
When Jarr's store closed,
he took it all back to
his house and stuffed
it all in the basement.
He just died a few months back.
The only problem with
that is it's abandoned.
And I'm pretty sure it's
guarded by his ghost.
Storms?
Basements? Ghosts?
Uh uh. I'm not going.
Are you crazy?
This is finally our big
chance to see some ghosts.
Don't you remember? We're Ghost Getters!
It's my day off, Chief. I'm out.
This sounds ridiculous. Are you sure?
Oh, I'm positive.
I keep an eye on everything
that goes on around here.
The house is on Wily Street.
Clearly haunted one.
Well, uh, thank you.
We're going to go check it
out before it starts to rain.
I feel you.
Hey, Eric...
Watch out for the aliens.
Aliens? As in plural?
Oh, yeah.
I've been trying to shoot them for years.
- Guys, do we have to go?
- Yes!
No! No! It's clearly haunted.
Hey, Eric,
don't trip over any
skeletons on your way out.
Skeletons? No.
I'll give you a call.
If you had a phone.
Hey.
What is this place?
Is the NES in there?
They went that way.
They went that way.
Then why am I picking you up here?
That's a good question. Uh...
Underwear? Crash?
Spider.
They had a spider.
Why did they have a spider?
That doesn't even make...
Why would they have...?
Shh, shh, shh, shh...
Roy?
I can't begin to understand the horrors
that you've been through...
But it seems that, uh...
being in the presence of those dunce heads
It's caused a little bit of
permanent brain damage.
And I'm sorry for that.
But we got to focus
because those idiots
are trying to take my NES!
That cannot happen. It cannot!
So, I'm going to need
you to snap out of it!
Get your head in the game
And tell me where they went!
They went that way.
That's all I know.
Well... that should be easy enough.
We'll go that way.
It's a small town.
It should be easy.
Okay.
Man, it's kind of scary out here.
Reminds me of the Munsters.
Oh, man. I hope so!
Why are you knocking on an abandoned house?
Because I don't want my
booty eating by a squatter.
What do you mean?
Mm, fair.
You know, this place really
isn't even that creepy, honestly.
Alright, maybe a little creepy.
No, no, no.
No way, man.
Door opening by itself?
No lights on?
I am not going in there.
That place is haunted!
My Ghost Getters partner, y'all.
My Ghost Getter partner... hey!
I don't see you going in.
Why don't you go in, big boy?
Would you relax?
It's just a breeze!
Even though the...
doorknob was clearly locked.
Look, we're just going to go in, all right?
Get the NES and come right back out!
No way. I ain't going in there.
You guys are on your own.
Leave me alone.
I'm gonna be out here waiting on y'all.
By myself.
Better than ghosts, right?
Was that a dogman call?
Shut up, Eric. There's
no dogmen in Colorado.
Guys, wait up.
Wait for me!
Lucky for us, their mindless cackling can
be heard nearly half a mile away.
Easy to track.
Now we need to follow them.
And get my NES.
Hey, guys, they made
millions of these things.
Even if you find an NES down here,
how do you know it's even yours?
My grandfather used to tally up all
the games I beat as a kid.
He'd actually rent all these
hard ones, like Battletoads.
His way of challenging me.
He'd always be there.
"Don't give up. Don't give up."
He was always so excited
when I beat a game.
Put a little mark at the bottom, like a...
Fighter jet or something.
How am I just now hearing this story?
Doesn't matter anyways.
I would have had more marks than you.
This place would make for good
footage for a paranormal investigation.
It's just a shame Chief
couldn't do something as simple
as hang onto a camera
while I drove us down a mountain!
God, I'm sorry, my bad!
It is your bad!
Guys, my phone just died.
Anyone have a flashlight?
Here you go.
Where did you get that?
Bro...
At your mom's.
Hmm.
Oh, damn.
What?
Oh, damn!
Whoa!
No way!
Dude, jackpot! Guys, get over here!
Careful, Jay.
That Jarr ghost may
have cursed those games.
That's true, Jay.
These games aren't haunted.
I said cursed, not haunted.
Well, they could be haunted.
First of all, guys, there's
no person... hang on.
You were at my mom's?
Ahhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I got it, I got it, I got it...
Ahh, I don't have it!
Look, we don't even
know it was your NES box.
There's not even a console in there.
It's styrofoam and cardboard.
This was a bad idea.
Can we just take a bus out of here?
- Can't give up yet.
- Yeah, we can!
You guys, I told you it was cursed.
Jarr's ghost is mad at us!
Can we not?
Chief...
We're being dumb.
There's no such thing as shadow people,
ghosts, or even dog men.
Enough of this Ghost Getters nonsense.
I'm ready to go home, too.
Could you be a little quieter?
Or maybe a little less donk?
I don't know if you've noticed,
But I'm not exactly light on my feet.
You're not exactly light on anything.
That's fair.
Did you hear that?
I'm out.
Wait, Eric. Wait.
That could be a samsquanch.
Chief, you noob!
Samsquanches do not lurk in basements.
I'm out!
Wait, hold on, wait a minute, Eric!
Ahhhhh!!!
Gonna kill Chris. This
house is not abandoned!
But it's haunted though!
Ahhhh!
Hey, relax, relax, relax!
Relax? You want me to relax?
This was a mistake!
Yeah, a mistake I'm gonna rectify.
Guys, avenge me!
He shot Eric!
Quiet, or you're next!
Big Al send you?
It was my stupid, stupid
cousin said that this
place was abandoned and the owner was dead!
Well, I make dead bodies. But I ain't dead!
At least not all the way.
All right. Not the walking undead. Got it.
If you guys were assassins,
you're about the sorriest looking
bunch of goons I ever did see.
Just gonna gather our dead.
And we're gonna go.
I got to ask. Are you, uh...
Mr. Jarr, by chance?
What are you doing?
Now see, that right there...
That's something an assassin would ask.
My cousin... stupid redneck...
a long time ago, sold you
my NES without my permission
and said that you put it in the window.
That's fine. That's fine.
But here's the thing.
My grandfather got me it,
and we came looking for it.
So you guys are...
Just nerds...
not assassins.
I mean, we're a little
bit nerdy, but not like
cosplaying LARPing
kind of nerds or anything.
That's super nerdy.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right, follow me.
So you can make lampshades out of our skin?
O... kay.
You want your NES, or do
you want me to blast you?
Because I am a master blaster.
You ever play the game?
Y-yeah. No. Yes. Sometimes.
No.
What in the hell is wrong with you boys?
I don't know.
Move.
Get this one up.
Get up, sunshine.
It's only pellets. Don't be a sissy.
Let's go.
Sissy. Come on. Quit
napping. Get up, get up.
This guy's about to kill us, dude.
Always liked games.
I got a bunch in my basement right now.
I got this one called Action 52.
Can you believe this?
They fit 52 action packed games...
...on one cart!
Did they use magic?
Boy, you're this close from getting shot.
Now...
If it's the unit I'm thinking about...
It was in the original box.
Had a little bit of a slime stain on it.
Anyway, it was still good enough to use
in the window as a display unit.
You know, lure in paying customers.
And boy, did it ever work.
Like moths to a flame!
See, my business went up in smoke because
my jerk of a partner screwed me over.
So I took my half of the games and all
the merch, put it down
in my basement safely.
Is it still down there?
Just the box.
I took out the NES and I
used it as a demo model.
Fire it up. Let people play it, you know.
So where's the NES now?
Get this...
I took his half of the games...
And I put it inside a
closet inside the store.
And me being the vindictive
Prick!
That I am...
I covered over the
entrance with a brick wall
because you... don't... screw... with me!
Ain't that right, Mama?
Yeah, I think that...
NES might have got mixed
up with his stuff, and...
Well, to this day, it's
probably still in the closet.
Who does that?
I do that.
And you would, too, if you
had to deal with that guy.
Yeah. No, I get it.
One time, this guy right here
ate all the pizza rolls, and...
I took his Weezer CD and
shoved it up my butt crack!
That's his embarrassed face!
Girls. Girls.
GIRLS!
Trying to tell a story here.
Now, the guy has been
rotting in jail for years, so...
As far as I know, the
stuff could still be in there.
Oh, kill me.
Can we just go home?
No, we're not...
Going home. Don't agree
with him. We're close!
I haven't been down that
road in a year or so, but...
It was still abandoned and boarded up.
Look, our cell reception
kind of blows out here.
Is there any way you can
draw us a map, maybe?
Hey you.
- Me??
- Yeah, you!
Looking like a big twinkie.
Come over here. Come here!
Just go.
Get over here.
Don't hurt me.
Turn around. Let me see that wound.
Oh, my God.
The hell is he doing?
Yeah. I'm going to draw
you a map right here.
He's using his butt as paper?!
Why don't you even have any underwear on?
I... Long story.
A little bit of fungus here.
I think I would use that as a tree.
Right there. Huh, there we go.
And go across here.
This is a dream... or I'm in hell.
All right.
I got rid of the fungus.
It tickled.
I just appreciate the fact
that you appreciate my games.
When I went into the
Witness Protection program,
I always knew I was going
to open up a game store.
Um, I'm sorry. Witness Protection Program.
I don't think you're
supposed to tell us that.
You smell that?
Did you fart?
I hope my incinerator isn't broke again.
We, uh... need to leave.
Don't you want your NES box?
I do not.
Actually, I have a really
bad case of diarrhea...
And I need to go take a dump in the woods.
I can go down there and get it.
Better yet, you can go down
there with me. No, really.
You can go down there with me. Look.
Hey, make a left at the
fungus tree, all right?
And put some... put some underwear on!
God, we're so lost.
This map stinks.
Do you think he meant that piece of
fungus to represent
the carnival back there?
Am I growing a cyst on my ass?
This reminds me.
I had seven games with
that NES. Where are they?
Most likely, he traded those in, too.
I'm gonna kill him.
Guys.
Why don't we just go back and start over?
Did you guys hear something?
Sounded kind of scary.
Will you stop?
We're in the middle of
something here. Do you mind?
No, I actually heard it, too.
Yeah. Yeah, it kind of sounded like...
Like an alien!
Oh, my God!
Eric, wait!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Guys, why are we running?
This is the most amazing thing ever.
It's first contact!
Attention Earth creatures.
I am on a mission to abduct a human being.
Give me the one known as
Eric that I might abduct him.
I'm Eric.
Oh, come on!
This is the best day of my life!
Give me Eric!
I will shoot you in the
face with my ray gun!
We're really going to
pretend like this is real?
Leave this area immediately
and give me that hairy troll!
Where do you come from?
Are you deaf?
Aryoudef? Aryoudef?
What solar system is that from?
Oh, God.
Chief, are you serious?
It's a guy in a mask!
Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay!
Don't provoke it.
This is first contact.
We have to be careful.
Yo, get off me with all that alien mumbo -
It's not real!
Take this, you Aryoudefian bastard.
Think I...
...I need...
...an ambulance.
Don't shoot! Don't shoot.
What are you doing here?
I'm done with the games.
Well, not video games, but no more tricks.
I'm here to take back my NES.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah.
It's my NES.
Are you both still pretending
that you don't know who I am?
We know exactly who
you are. You're that little...
slithery thing that caught us
slipping at the games at that garage sale.
Are you following us? Why are you here?
I am Morton. Morton!
You really don't remember
what you did to me?
My NES was stolen... by you!
My NES was given to me by
my grandfather when we were kids!
Yeah, that's your story.
It was going to be mine.
Brand new, for my birthday.
I was running around the house,
trying to find my presents.
And then my mother caught me.
She was not happy.
She said she was going to
teach me a lesson about patience.
So she took the NES away
and sold it at a garage sale.
Where your grandfather
swindled it away from me!
Never even got a chance to open it.
Then I come to you and
ask, hey, can I play with it?
But I'm telling you, it'll work!
If we mow, like, 20 lawns a
day, that's 100 bucks a week.
That's, like, $5,000!
That's enough to buy, like, ten NES games!
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Who are you?
Morton, from down the
street. I know you have the NES.
Yeah. It's the best video game
console of all time. So what?
Did you take it out of the box?
How else are we supposed to play it?
Can I play it?
No!
Why not?
Because you're kind of weird.
Buzz off, nerd!
Someday I'll get my revenge.
And at that point, my
only choice was to watch
through the window as you violated my NES.
It was sickening.
Peeping piece of - you were watching us?
Yeah.
You got a problem with that?
That depends. What did you see?
Yes, Jay.
You did do the light bulb trick!
Oh, I knew it. I knew it!
Damn it!
Cheater.
You cheating cheater!
Let me get this straight.
You're actually trying to lay claim
to a 30 year old console?
My console - that you never even touched?
Now, that's hilarious!
Because when you got bored with the thing,
you probably just threw
it in a closet and let it rot!
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
I ain't got all night, fellas!
I'm ready to reclaim my childhood NES.
And I need to see Eric's butt!
You better not touch him.
I don't even know what's going on anymore.
Look, the dumb one's already down.
The other guys half our size.
Let's just take him out!
Hey, wait a minute.
I got an idea.
What if we draw a map
on Eric's other cheek...
show it to these guys...
and confuse them a little bit?
That's actually a really good idea.
Who has the best handwriting?
Don't look at me!
I write like stick figures.
Let's see if Eric has any good handwriting.
Hey, Eric.
Oh, damn! Get over here!
Idiots!
It's that way.
Oh, damn!
Give us the map!
Were you pulling my hair?
I was actually biting it.
Nobody talk about this!
Look.
I'm not going to demand
that you remove your pants...
but I'm going to ask nicely
so that you don't make a
scene when we look at the map.
Or else...
Let's ride the lightning!
This isn't even a real
electric chair! I'm not scared.
This is just a prop in a fun house!
Really?
Wow, that is, uh... a
serious safety hazard.
But it works out for us, doesn't it?
When you're dead,
your only friends will be shadow people.
I'm tired of this.
The map.
Now!
All right, guys.
Oh, man.
What'd I get myself into?
Finally.
Eric, you... traitor!
Don't you think about it!
I'll put him right back
in that electric chair!
You are the worst thing that has
ever happened to me in my life.
I want to take the NES and sell it...
the first flea market I find!
Roy, what has gotten into you?
What's gotten into me?
These guys that throw underwear in my...
Enough!
All right, let's see that juicy ass.
Why don't you just take a picture of it?
It'll last longer!
Already ahead of you.
Wait...
No!
No, no, no, no!
You nasty troll.
Your sweaty cheeks have smeared the map!
Hang on.
I think I can read it.
Think again.
Your time has come.
I can change!
I can change, I'm not even really evil.
I'm just super misunderstood.
You can't kill a guy with glasses, right?
I haven't even finished
my CDI collection yet.
Leave now, and take your lackey.
All right, let me just
slither on out of here...
What is happening?
Yo, screw this.
Death isn't getting me without a fight!
Wait!
Not so tough now, huh? Stupid Death.
Why?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We were just trying to help!
What... what are you doing here?
I was just getting the grounds ready
for the show next week.
I work here for Hawker.
Who's Hawker?
Me!
I'm Hawker.
This is my carnival
that you brought all of your drama
and physical abuse into!
Listen, Hawker, we're lost. Is...
there any way you can
maybe read a map for us?
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Yeah, I don't know what that is either.
What is this supposed
to be leading to anyway?
It's supposed to lead to
my NES, supposedly, but...
after all this, I kind
of want to give up on it.
God, this again. Really?
I just wanted to see something paranormal.
Same. Where the ghosts at?
Guys?
Guys, I got it.
Anus marks the spot!
You can pull your pants up.
I think it's a map to Flint Street.
The very same Flint Street that got
destroyed by a tornado months ago.
It's nothing but rubble.
And skeletons.
Okay, well, that's, uh, that's it.
That's... it's gone.
It's gone!
You didn't actually think we were
gonna find that thing, did you?
Yeah, I did. But if you
didn't, why'd you come?
Asking myself that same question.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
You guys can stay the
night at the Tesseract.
I have several rooms in the back with cots.
We use them sometimes for the
all night Triple Dragon tournaments.
Until tomorrow, that is.
Oh, that's right! You guys
are getting your butts kicked.
Yeah, he said at noon.
You want to be out of
the building before then.
Bunch of savages in this town!
I'm too old for this.
Come on.
This is a fun house.
Are you guys always this emo?
Just really sad that I...
Don't have to pull my pants down anymore.
What is wrong with you?
A vendetta?
You put me through all
of this for a vendetta?
A personal vendetta.
And I don't really appreciate the tone
you've been taking the last few hours.
My tone? My tone is the problem?
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
I don't know if you're
paying attention, Morton.
I got a mouthful of methane
and I got electrocuted.
Look, I'm not defending them or anything.
Their smell alone is enough to give them
the death penalty in any
number of states, but...
I kind of think the NES
is technically theirs.
Don't quote technicality to me!
My mother was wrong to sell that NES.
If my father was still alive
when everything happened...
See, he got it.
But right now, we need
to focus on the goal ahead.
Goal? What goal?
We don't have any leads.
No ass-map.
We have nothing!
Morton, it's over!
Wherever they go, we go!
We don't stop until I get back what's mine.
I'm not concerned.
At the end of the day, it was still mine.
Who holds a grudge for 30 years?
Papa always said, don't be jerks.
Come to think of it, if
he was here right now,
he'd probably say we should help the nerds.
Yeah. He'd also tell you not to give up.
I don't know if you've noticed.
I'm pretty sure it's safe to give up!
No, dude, I'm not just
talking about the NES.
Okay.
It was so simple back then.
No jobs, no bills.
Hanging out, playing video
games with family and friends.
I figured...
If I can get you to remember all that,
maybe it might make
things just a little bit easier.
Never got a chance to say goodbye.
I guess I'm just afraid
I'll get old and forget him.
You really think you're going
to forget him? Come on, dude.
He's stuck here and here...
and he'll always be there.
Just got to stop and listen.
I just wanted a piece of him back.
And I failed at it.
So, what? We didn't find that "toy".
The point is you didn't quit.
Actually reminds me of that time you had
Eric convinced he was
from another dimension.
And the only way he can get
home is to shave his eyebrows.
You were on that for like, two weeks.
Do you remember that?
Just in case you were wondering, that
comparison didn't really make any sense.
You're not wrong.
I don't know what you did, RatBoy, but...
it still looks the same to me.
It didn't take much.
I wasn't sure what the
tubes did, but they look
kind of important, so I
tightened them up anyway.
Engine had a bunch of
extra spare parts in it...
And dude, there was a sweet
pair of underwear in the back!
Wearing 'em.
Oh, do y'all have any cheese?
You know, man, I'm going
to go check on that cheese.
Thanks a lot, dude. I owe you one.
Colby jack? Muenster?
RatBoy needs his cheese!
You guys about ready to go?
Yeah.
Should probably go by
Chris's though. Say bye.
Also, I need to murder him because
he almost got us killed last night.
There is that.
Well...
Hopefully the ride home goes a
little smoother than the one here.
Hopefully you guys find a new place.
Yeah, I'm going to miss it.
I used to come here as a kid before
I bought it at a bank auction in January.
When did you say Kyle Hyde was coming back?
Showdown is at noon.
Hmm...
Hold on, you're thinking.
Look, can't just let
these guys get pummeled.
We have to try something.
I'm the bearded charmer.
I'm going to have Kyle Hyde eating
out of the palm of my hand.
May I interject?
I've already been shot
once this trip and I think
I'm starting to get a
cyst on my rectum from it.
Doesn't feel good.
How about you give me the keys
and you guys let me drive?
You drive? No.
We're not leaving just yet, Eric.
I got an idea!
Why don't we just lay out some booby traps?
That's... not a bad idea, actually.
What exactly are you thinking?
Toy cars on the ground
that they can trip over?
Maybe some paint cans swinging from the
ceiling, bop them in the head?
Yeah, we can even try to catch a Bigfoot!
It'd be great!
Or even set up flamethrowers
above all the doorways
and when they go through,
they burn their heads off!
Yes! Woohoo!
All right, we're going to die!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
What did this place used to be again?
Well, obviously a roller rink...
And they used to operate
a rental store up front.
Hey, stranger. What are we looking at?
This whole situation.
Oh, the old game store!
All this nonsense we could have avoided
if we go through the front of the building.
They say that the guy
that owned this place...
He haunts his own house.
Welp, see you later!
Jarr's, yeah, that's the name out front.
This was the place back in the day.
Great rental store!
Oh, I remember the time he tricked my older
sister into renting Action
52. She was so mad!
That's fascinating. You
know what this means, right?
Oh, Patrick.
Have a sledgehammer?
Of course. Who doesn't?
You're the best.
Would you mind if we knock down that wall?
Got his NES? Buttload of games?
You're chasing games hidden in the wall?
That doesn't make any sense.
But if there's really games
back there well, heck yeah!
Heck yeah!
My arm's still bigger than yours.
No, it's not.
Quit touching me.
Where's that sledgehammer?
I think I actually do
hear games back there.
You want to do the honors?
Yeah, why not? Stay back.
It's my first breaking of a brick wall.
Axl.
How do I look?
You look good.
Thanks.
My first big job since
I'm out of the joint.
I wanted to dress for the occasion.
Kyle Hyde: Oh, nerds!
Are you kidding me?
Is he early?
It appears that way.
My gut tells me you spineless jellyfish
Have no plans to defend yourselves.
Just come on out.
You got 1 minute.
Patrick, why don't you
all just call the cops?
We have one county sheriff and
he's afraid of Kyle Hyde too!
Great. The law man is Barney Fife.
Just hurry up and get your
NES and sneak out the front.
I'll go take another beating from Kyle
Hyde to buy you some time.
Hang on a second.
Eric, I think I need your
expertise on this one.
Mine?
Tell you what. You go
hide, Billy, get that NES.
You come with me.
Let's take care of these punks.
59, 60. Come on.
What the hell?
Uh, I... I am a man in black.
Uh, I came from my...
secret illuminati base
to give you a dire warning.
Jay, they're not buying it.
Dude, you got to sell it better!
This... building is...
under jurisdiction by the Reptilians.
And I'm going to have to ask you to leave
and forget you saw us...
or suffer the consequences!
Okay, Mr. Scary Man in Black.
You're not scaring anybody!
This is crazy.
What am I doing?
Is that what disappointment smells like?
Ugh!
I am not going to be like this anymore.
This is your last warning!
Okay, if you're a scary
man in black, what kind
of stuff do you tell
people to shut up about?
Pff! That's easy.
Aliens, shadow people,
hybrids, underground bases, uh...
Chupacabras, skinwalkers. Dogmen.
Okay.
I got to go do something.
Well, it all checks out.
Hold it, hold it! Stay back, stay back!
I'm an official Ghost
Getter and this building
is completely full of the
ghosts of the Men in Black!
Oh, damn!
There's one now!
Boo?
Get him!
Nyah, nyah, nyah!
Ugh, your crotch was on my neck!
It's just a crotch, quit overreacting!
Sweet games, man.
Is that Mega Man?
Who hides games in the wall though?
You a nerd?
Give me that, nerd. Let's go.
You're welcome. My
idea to come on this trip.
My NES!
You must be the dumbest monkey faced idiots
on the planet trying to cross me!
No, no, no, I'm too cute to die!
You better not haunt me!
Oh, I'm gonna. And I'm not going to worry
about you Ghost Getting me neither.
Because you're afraid of everything!
I'm not afraid of everything!
What? Don't you remember that one time you
thought you were from
another dimension because
you thought your eyebrows were different?!
First of all, that's a Mandela effect...
And if you have no idea what that is,
I do not want you as my
Ghost Getter partner, anyway!
Same! Same! Same! Fine.
Okay! Shut up! I will!
Leave me alone! Okay! I hate you.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Just shut up!
You're both going to be dead.
No one's haunting anybody!
Will you relax?
We're just gonna mangle you a little bit
and leave you as torsos.
They keep hitting me.
Focus.
He knocked me off again.
It's okay. Just get back up.
Hey!
I remember these!
Don't tell me my video games are
still here after all these years!
I say we smash it to bits.
Might as well, because I'm going to smash
everything in sight unless I get my money
that Jarr put in that building.
Jarr put video games in there. Not money!
Maybe my money is in there. Maybe not.
But I'm going to find out.
Also, I just feel like being an ass.
Hey.
Don't give up.
Stop!
That was a gift from my grandfather!
And he's gone now.
It's been a lot more difficult than
I imagined to track that thing down.
But he always told me, never give up.
And I'm going to take that thing
and we're going to go hook it up again.
Just like old times.
Please?
My father bought me my
first tattoo when I was eleven.
It's right here. You want to see it?
It's a floating head.
Reminds me of him.
Look, I know what you're going through.
So Rufus is gonna smash your game toy.
And I might let you go
after making you into torsos.
Consider it your punishment.
That guy is a real jerk.
I've been dealing with
jerks my entire life.
I don't like jerks.
Wish that spider would
just kinda appear on his back.
That'd be kind of handy right now.
What are you sweaty meatheads doing?
Do you realize this is
a precious collectible?
Why don't you just take the Mona Lisa and
let a rhino wipe its rump with it?
You're a dead little man!
Oh, really?
Well, I...
have a Roy.
Roy?
Roy?
Ehh, you're big.
What the hell?
Neeerrrrdddds!!!
Aw, man, I hate it!
I'm not dealing with this!
Where's my reinforcements?
Did they just call for reinforcements?
Nah, you're just hearing things.
Oh, yeah! Oh, no!
Nyaaaaah!
No! This is worse than ice gnomes!
Eh, I gotta go, RatBoy's
gotta save his skin!
Loogie! Loogie!
Where did that butthead Kyle Hyde go?
He lies there... within the trees.
Ahhh.
Time to put my newfound
confidence to the test!
Dooooh! Whoooa...
You're dead, nerd!
I guess today is a good day to die!
I represent the tabletop guild!
Damn!
Whoa!
If so powerful you are, why leave?
Nerds don't get revenge!
This isn't revenge yet.
Now if this was a triple dragon tournament,
I would be getting lots of revenge.
A triple what?
Look, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
But don't test me!
Stay away from our place!
If you try anything,
You will have to contend
with me and my friends.
You can't scare me.
I'll be back.
Spiddeeeeerrr!
Whoaaaa!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!
Watch for skeletons!
I'm too old for this crap.
I'm gonna break both your necks!
To do that, you need
.8 more pounds of force!
That sounds accurate.
He can get that force by just
picking us up off the groounnd!
I'm going to kill you.
Dang nerds!
Nooooooooo!
Does this make us murderers?
They're not dead.
Their faces are just
melting off. Think, McFly.
Sweet!
Optimizing trajectory.
Rain hellfire down upon them!
Someone help me!
Ahhh, it burns!
Yeah, woohoo!
Get up. Where did it go?
I don't know.
Hey, that too faced loser,
Roy? Took off with your NES.
And he stole my mom's truck!
Never hire goons from a website forum.
Let's go, he's getting away! C'mon!
Get in the car, get in the car! Let's go!
This seems a little haphazard.
What's with all the lights?
Is this even street legal?
I'd love to tell you, Morton,
but that's confidential.
Let's go, Chode!
Where we're going we don't need chodes.
Did you see that car?
It has tubes!
Shouldn't we be going faster?
I mean, don't we have tubes?
The tubes are for sucking up ghosts.
And besides, I think one already fell off.
You guys want fast?
Hold on to your butts and watch this!
They wanted it so bad. But now I have it!
You and me on the road! It's just us!
I know what I can do.
I'm gonna sell you!
Why is any of this happening?
And why!
Was there a spider!?!?
Whhhhhyyyyy???
Hey! Anyone want an
NES? Classic gaming system!
$50 for sale. Come on. Step up! Step up!
Hey, is that an old NES?
Sure is, buddy. $50. Come on. $50.
I got $2.
2...?
I'd rather burn this thing! Burn it!
Get out of my face! $50. Let's go.
He's going to the flea market!
Come on. $50. Come on. $50.
Get him, catch that guy!
Give it back!
No. You know what?
After all this, I'm gonna keep it.
God, he's faster than he looks!
Get outta the way!
When I get to the top, I'm
gonna zip line out of here.
I'm going to throw
this NES into the ravine.
You'll never see it again!
Why are you so unstable?
Unstable?
Let's go over it, shall we?
I've been stuffed into a trunk.
I've had soiled underwear
thrown into my face.
I've been shot at.
I've had a fart in my mouth
and I've been shocked.
You'll forgive me for
being a little bit unstable!
Oh, and you know what?
While I'm thinking about it...
Reverse islands!
That's not a thing, you moron!
Would you look at that?
Pigs can fly.
We've got a swine on a zipline.
Just push the red button and let's get him.
Eric, nothing in this car works.
It's a piece of junk!
Get him!
So long, suckers!
AAAAAAAHHHHH!
I think he might be dead.
He probably deserves it.
This is my first dead body.
At least we got the
tubes to suck him up, right?
Yes, sir!
What do you mean, suck him up?
He's a ghost.
We're Ghost Getters.
Ghosts aren't real!
Morton, you have much to learn.
Stupid...
Game Chasers.
You guys actually got it!
Yeah, not a scratch on it!
Except for all these scratches over here.
So, I really need to apologize
for my ex-associate, Roy.
If you think about it, he really turned out
to be the antagonist
of this little adventure.
Wouldn't you say?
The great thing is now he's dead!
He might be dead! He might be.
Well, well, well.
Congratulations.
Eh, wait...
That ain't the NES your cousin traded in.
What?
I'm just kiddin' ya!
Oh, man, you totally fell for that one!
It's his embarrassed face!
Hey, seriously though...
Think this calls for a
celebration. What do you think?
Your time has...
Come to party, am I right guys?
Man! Real sausage fest
up in here. What's going on?
What are you doing here?
I don't know, but you think I'm creepy?
This guy is looking at me weird.
So, we partying or what?
Yeah!
Alright. Well, let's go celebrate!
Oh, hey, guys!
Hello.
Would you now like a LARPing sword?
Thank you, ma'am.
Of course.
I think Kyle Hyde is
going to leave us alone.
His goons are our friends now.
I can see that!
And thanks for saving our butts.
Absolutely.
And thank you.
Oh...
And I'll send you a bill for the wall.
Have fun!
Toodles!
Too... toodles?
Man, this was one crazy weekend, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Did you ever think you'd
wind up in a place like this?
Nope.
How do you feel now?
What was it you said?
Pew?
I guess I feel pew.
Finally.
Yeah, finally.
I'm gonna go out... get some fresh air.
All right, man.
Oh, hey, by the way...
when we get home...
I'm first. Called it.
Goodbye.
Makes it work better.
Let's start this bad boy.
Okay, hey, I actually called first.
So I'm going to need to get that con...
Wow, this is actually better than
looking at them behind glass.
The mushrooms, you actually need to get 'em
because they help you.
Do me a favor.
Hold B to run. You're wearing me out.
Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Hold it. Don't tap it.
Yeah, but then I jumped too far.
Oh, you're getting pretty good at that.
I think you can do it!
Yes!
Oh, yeahhh!
I knew you'd get it.
See that's what happens, huh?
Keep at it!
Think I could play this forever.
No duh.