Alice In Wonderland (2010) Movie Script
Charles, you have
finally lost your senses.
This venture is impossible.
For some. Gentlemen, the only way
to achieve the impossible
is to believe it is possible.
That kind of thinking could ruin you.
I'm willing to take that chance.
Imagine trading posts
in Rangoon, Bangkok, Jakarta...
The nightmare again?
I won't be long.
I'm falling down a dark hole,
then I see strange creatures.
What kind of creatures?
Well, there's a dodo bird,
a rabbit in a waistcoat, a smiling cat.
I didn't know cats could smile.
Neither did I.
And there's a blue caterpillar.
Blue caterpillar.
Hmm.
Do you think I've gone round the bend?
I'm afraid so.
You're mad, bonkers, off your head.
But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.
It's only a dream, Alice.
Nothing can harm you there.
But if you get too frightened,
you can always wake up. Like this.
Ow!
Must we go?
Doubt they'll notice if we never arrive.
They will notice.
Where's your corset?
And no stockings.
I'm against them.
But you're not properly dressed.
Who's to say what is proper?
What if it was agreed that "proper"
was wearing a codfish on your head?
- Would you wear it?
- Alice.
To me, a corset is like a codfish.
Please, not today.
Father would have laughed.
I'm sorry. I'm tired.
I didn't sleep well last night.
Did you have bad dreams again?
Only one.
It's always the same,
ever since I can remember.
Do you think that's normal?
Don't most people
have different dreams?
I don't know.
There. You're beautiful.
Now, can you manage a smile?
At last. We thought you'd never arrive.
Alice, Hamish is waiting
to dance with you. Go.
You do realize it's well past 4:00.
Now everything will have
to be rushed through.
- I am sorry.
- Oh, never mind!
Forgive my wife. She's been planning
this affair for over 20 years.
If only Charles were here...
My condolences.
I think of your husband often.
He was truly a man of vision.
I hope you don't think I've taken
advantage of your misfortunes.
Of course not. I'm pleased
that you purchased the company.
I was a fool for not investing in
his mad venture when I had the chance.
Charles thought so, too.
Hamish, do you ever tire of quadrille?
On the contrary. I find it invigorating.
Do I amuse you?
No.
I had a sudden vision
of all the ladies in trousers
and the men wearing dresses.
I think you'll do best
to keep your visions to yourself.
When in doubt, remain silent.
Pardon us, sir.
Miss Kingsleigh is distracted today.
Where's your head?
I was wondering
what it would be like to fly.
Why would you spend your time
thinking about
such an impossible thing?
Why wouldn't I?
My father said he sometimes believed
in six impossible things
before breakfast.
Come along.
Alice, meet me under the gazebo
in precisely 10 minutes.
We have a secret to tell you.
If you're telling me,
then it's not much of a secret.
- Perhaps we shouldn't.
- We decided we should.
If we tell her, she won't be surprised.
- Will you be surprised?
- Not if you tell me.
But now you've brought it up,
you have to.
- No, we don't.
- In fact, we won't.
I wonder if your mother knows
that you two swim naked
in the Havershims' pond.
- You wouldn't.
- Oh, but I would.
There's your mother right now.
Hamish is going to ask for your hand.
You've ruined the surprise!
I could strangle them!
Everyone went to so much effort
to keep the secret.
Does everyone know?
It's why they've all come.
This is your engagement party.
Hamish will ask you under the gazebo.
When you say yes...
But I don't know
if I want to marry Hamish.
Who, then?
You won't do better than a lord.
You'll soon be 20, Alice.
That pretty face won't last forever.
You don't want to end up
like Aunt Imogene.
And you don't want to be a burden
on Mother, do you?
No.
So you'll marry Hamish.
You will be as happy
as I am with Lowell,
and your life will be perfect.
It's already decided.
Alice, dear.
I'll leave you to it.
Shall we take a leisurely stroll
through the garden, just you and me?
Do you know what I've always dreaded?
The decline of the aristocracy?
Ugly grandchildren. But you're lovely.
You're bound to produce
little... Imbeciles!
The gardeners have
planted white roses
when I specifically asked for red.
You could always paint the roses red.
What an odd thing to say.
You should know that my son
has extremely delicate digestion.
- Did you see that?
- See what?
- It was a rabbit, I think.
- Nasty things.
I do enjoy setting the dogs on them.
If you serve Hamish the wrong foods,
he could get a blockage.
Did you see it that time?
- See what?
- The rabbit.
Don't shout.
Now, pay attention.
Hamish said you were easily distracted.
- What was I saying?
- Hamish has a blockage.
I couldn't be more interested,
but you'll have to excuse me.
Aunt Imogene.
I think I'm going mad.
I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
I can't be bothered
with your fancy rabbit now.
I'm waiting for my fianc.
- You have a fianc?
- Hmm.
There! Did you see it?
He's a prince.
But, alas, he cannot marry me
unless he renounces his throne.
It's tragic, isn't it?
Very.
Lowell?
Alice. We were just...
Hattie's an old friend.
I can see you're very close.
Look, you won't mention this
to your sister, will you?
I don't know. I'm confused.
I need time to think.
Well, think about Margaret.
She'd never trust me again.
You don't want to ruin her marriage,
do you?
Me?
But I'm not the one who's
sneaking around behind her back.
There you are.
Alice Kingsleigh...
Hamish.
What is it?
You have a caterpillar
on your shoulder.
Ew.
Don't hurt it.
You'll want to wash that finger.
Alice Kingsleigh,
will you be my wife?
Well,
everyone expects me to,
and you're a lord.
My face won't last,
and I don't want to end up like...
But this is happening so quickly. I...
I think I...
I think I...
I need a moment.
Hello.
It's only a dream.
You'd think she would
remember all this from the first time.
You've brought the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: No, she's the right one.
I'm certain of it.
She's the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: Give her a chance.
Curiouser and curiouser.
I told you she's the right Alice.
I am not convinced.
McTWISP: How is that for gratitude?
I've been up there for weeks,
trailing one Alice after the next,
and I was almost eaten
by other animals.
Can you imagine?
They go about entirely unclothed,
and they do their shukm in public.
- I had to avert my eyes.
- Doesn't look anything like herself.
That's because she's the wrong Alice.
- If she was, she might be.
- If she isn't, she ain't.
- But if she were so, she would be.
- But she isn't, nohow.
How can I be the wrong Alice
when this is my dream?
And who are you, if I might ask?
Oh, I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum,
he's Tweedledee.
We should consult Absolem.
Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
- I'll escort you.
- Hey, it's not being your turn.
So unfair.
- Hey, leave off!
- Let go!
- Are they always this way?
- Family trait.
You can both escort her.
- Who is this Absolem?
- He's wise. He's absolute.
He's Absolem.
Who are you?
Absolem?
You're not Absolem, I'm Absolem.
The question is, who are you?
Alice.
We shall see.
What do you mean by that?
I ought to know who I am.
Yes, you ought, stupid girl.
Unroll the Oraculum.
The Oraculum, being a calendrical
compendium of Underland.
- It's a calendar.
- Compendium.
It tells of each and every day
since the Beginning.
Today is Griblig Day
in the time of the Red Queen.
Show her the Frabjous Day.
Mmm. Yeah, Frabjous being the day
you slay the Jabberwocky.
Sorry? Slay a what?
Oh, yeah. That being you, there,
with the Vorpal sword.
No other swords can kill
the Jabberwocky, nohow.
If it ain't Vorpal, it ain't dead.
That's not me!
I know!
Resolve this for us, Absolem.
Is she the right Alice?
Not hardly.
- I told you.
- McTWISP: - Oh, dear.
- I said so.
- I said so.
Contrariwise,
you said she might be.
No, you said she would be if she was.
Little impostor. Pretending
to be Alice. She should be ashamed.
I was so certain of you.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be the wrong Alice.
Wait, this is my dream.
I'm going to wake up now
and you'll all disappear.
That's odd.
Pinching usually does the trick.
I could stick you, if that would help.
- It might, actually. Thank you.
- My pleasure.
Ow!
- Bandersnatch!
- Bandersnatch!
Wait.
It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt me.
What's she doing?
Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me.
Run, you great lug!
This way, east to Queast.
No, south to Snud.
No. No, no. This way.
Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
- Did you steal them?
- No, Your Majesty.
- Did you?
- No, Your Majesty.
- Did you steal them?
- No, Your Majesty.
Did you steal my tarts?
No, Your Majesty.
Squimberry juice.
- I was so hungry! I didn't mean to!
- Off with his head!
My family! Oh, please, please don't!
No! I have little ones to look after!
Go to his house
and collect the little ones.
I love tadpoles on toast
almost as much as I love caviar.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Drink!
Majesty?
Ilosovic Stayne, you knave,
where have you been lurking?
Majesty, I have found the Oraculum.
That? Looks so ordinary for an oracle.
Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
I'd know that tangled mess
of hair anywhere.
Is it Alice?
I believe it is.
What's she doing
with my darling Jabberwocky?
She appears to be slaying it.
She killed my Jabber-baby-wocky?
Not yet, but it will happen
if we don't stop her.
Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!
Find the scent of human girl
and earn your freedom.
For my wife and pups, as well?
Everyone will go home.
Dogs will believe anything.
It looks like you ran afoul of something
with wicked claws.
And I'm still dreaming.
What did that to you?
- Banner or Bander...
- The Bandersnatch?
Well, I'd better have a look.
What are you doing?
It needs to be purified
by someone with evaporating skills,
or it will fester and putrefy.
I'd rather you didn't.
I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
At least let me bind it for you.
- What do you call yourself?
- Alice.
The Alice?
- There's been some debate about that.
- I never get involved in politics.
You'd best be on your way.
What way? All I want to do is
wake up from this dream.
Fine.
Then I'll take you to the Hare
and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
Coming?
Watch what you're doing!
Hey, watch it!
Okay, okay. All right.
It's you.
No, it's not.
McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
It's the wrong Alice!
It's absolutely Alice.
You're absolutely Alice.
I'd know you anywhere.
I'd know him anywhere.
Well, as you can see,
we're still having tea.
And it's all because I was obliged
to kill Time waiting for your return.
You're terribly late, you know. Naughty.
Well, anyway, Time became
quite offended and stopped altogether.
Not a tick ever since.
- Cup.
- Time can be funny in dreams.
Yes, yes, of course,
but now you're back, you see,
and we need to get on
to the Frabjous Day.
- Frabjous Day!
- Frabjous Day!
I'm investigating things
that begin with the letter "M."
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- What?
- Down with the Bloody Big Head,
the Bloody Big Head
being the Red Queen.
Come, come. We simply must
commence with the slaying and such.
Therefore, it is high time
to forgive and forget
or forget and forgive,
whichever comes first
or is, in any case, most convenient.
I'm waiting.
Hey.
It's tick-tick... It's ticking again.
All this talk of blood and slaying
has put me off my tea.
Ah.
The entire world is falling to ruin
and poor Chessur's off his tea.
What happened that day
was not my fault.
Oh, dear.
You ran out on them
to save your own skin,
you guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering
shukm juggling sluking urpal.
Bar lom muck egg brimni!
Hatter!
- Thank you.
- Meow.
I'm fine.
What's wrong with you, Tarrant?
You used to be the life of the party.
You used to do the best Futterwacken
in all of Witzend.
- Futter what?
- Futterwacken!
It's a dance.
On the Frabjous Day,
when the White Queen
once again wears the crown,
on that day,
I shall Futterwacken vigorously.
Oh, no.
Uh-oh.
The Knave.
Goodbye.
Hide her!
Drink this quickly.
Quick! Hide her!
Oh, dear.
Aye.
Mind your head.
Let me out!
Well, if it's not my favorite
trio of lunatics.
Would you like to join us?
You're all late for tea!
We're looking for the girl called Alice.
Speaking of the Queen, here is a little
song we used to sing in her honor.
- Twinkle Twinkle little bat
- Twinkle Twinkle little bat
- How I wonder where you're at
- How I wonder where you're at
- Up a...
- Up a...
If you're hiding her,
you'll lose your heads.
Already lost them.
All together now!
- Up above the world you fly
- Up above the world you fly
- Like a tea tray in the sky
- Like a tea tray in the sky
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
Oh!
Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Would you like some cream?
- Would you like a slice of Battenberg?
- Follow the bloodhound.
- Sugar?
- Yes, please.
- Oh, that's lovely.
- You're all mad.
Thanks very much.
Pass the scones, please.
- That one there.
- Oh! Pardon.
- Yes.
- Yep, aye.
One moment.
There. Yes.
Try this on for size.
Oh.
I like it.
Good thing the bloodhound
is one of us, or you'd be...
What do they want with me?
Wait a minute,
best take her to the White Queen.
She'll be safe there. Spoon...
Your carriage, milady.
- The hat?
- Of course.
Anyone can go by horse or rail,
but the absolute best way to travel
is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
Oh, I love traveling by hat.
Mally. Just Alice, please.
Fairfarren, all.
What do you mean? Wait. Gae!
"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
"All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe"
Sorry, what was that?
What was what?
"The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Jaws that bite and claws that catch!
"'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
And the frumious Bandersnatch! '
"He took his Vorpal sword in hand
The Vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
"He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back"
It's all about you, you know.
I'm not slaying anything.
I don't slay, so put it out of your mind.
Mind.
Wait! You can't leave me here!
You don't slay.
Do you have any idea
what the Red Queen has done?
You don't slay.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
You're not the same
as you were before.
You were much more muchier.
You've lost your muchness.
My "muchness"?
In there. Something's missing.
Tell me what Red Queen has done.
It's not a pretty story.
Tell me anyway.
It was here.
I was hatter to the White Queen
at the time.
Hightopp clan have always
been employed at court.
Hatter? Hatter!
I'm fine.
Are you?
Did you hear that?
I'm certain I heard something.
What?
Oh! Red Knights.
Go south to Trotter's Bottom.
The White Queen's castle
is just beyond.
Hold on tightly.
Down with the bloody Red Queen!
You were supposed to lead them away!
The Hatter trusted you!
They have my wife and pups.
- What's your name?
- Bayard.
Sit!
Would your name be Alice,
by any chance?
Yes, but I'm not the one
that everyone's talking about.
The Hatter would not have
given himself up just for any Alice.
Where did they take him?
To the Red Queen's castle
at Salazen Grum.
We're going to rescue him.
That is not foretold.
I don't care.
He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me.
The Frabjous Day is almost upon us.
You must prepare
to meet the Jabberwocky.
From the moment
I fell down that rabbit hole,
I've been told what I must do
and who I must be.
I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched
and stuffed into a teapot.
I've been accused of being Alice and
of not being Alice, but this is my dream.
I'll decide where it goes from here.
If you diverge from the path...
I make the path.
Take me to Salazen Grum, Bayard,
and don't forget the hat.
There's only one way across.
Lost my muchness, have I?
Bayard! The hat!
Your Majesty.
So sorry.
Splendid shot!
Where's my ball? Page!
Yes, Your Majesty.
I want to help you.
Well, if it isn't the wrong Alice.
What brings you here? Mmm?
I've come to rescue the Hatter.
You're not rescuing anyone
being the size of a gerbil.
Well, do you have any more
of that cake that made me grow before?
Upelkuchen?
Actually, I might have some left.
Not all of it!
Oh, no! Stop! No, no, no, don't.
Don't do that!
Page!
Oh, dear.
And what is this?
It... It's a "who," Majesty. This is, um...
Um?
From Umbradge.
What happened to your clothes?
I outgrew them.
I've been growing an awful lot lately.
I tower over everyone in Umbradge.
They laugh at me.
So I've come to you, hoping you might
understand what it's like.
My dear girl,
anyone with a head that large
is welcome in my court.
Someone find her some clothes!
Use the curtains if you must,
but clothe this enormous girl.
I need a pig here!
I love a warm pig belly
for my aching feet.
- Would you like one, Um?
- No, thank you.
Sit!
Sit!
Go away.
Where are my fat boys?
You must meet them.
Fat boys!
Oh. There they are.
Aren't they adorable?
They have the oddest way of speaking.
Speak, boys. Amuse us.
Go on.
No.
Speak!
- Is that being...
- No, no, it isn't. Not a bit. No.
Contrariwise, I believe it's so.
No, it ain't so, nohow!
I love my fat boys. Now, get out.
- He did pinch me.
- He did pinch me.
And who is this lovely creature?
Um, my new favorite.
- Well, does she have a name?
- Um.
I believe your name
has slipped the Queen's mind.
Her name is Um, idiot!
From Umbradge.
Any luck with the prisoner?
He's stubborn.
You're too soft. Bring him!
We know Alice has returned
to Underland.
Do you know where she is?
I've been considering things
that begin with the letter "M."
Moron, mutiny, murder, malice.
We're looking for an "A" word now.
Where is Alice?
Who, that wee little boy?
I wouldn't know.
What if I take off your head?
Will you know then?
Stop that.
What a regrettably large head
you have.
I should very much like to hat it.
- Hat it?
- Yes.
I used to hat
the White Queen, you know.
Wasn't very much to work with,
poor dear.
Her head is so small.
It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.
But this...
What I could do
with this monument, this orb...
Nay, this magnificently heroic globe.
What could you do?
Unbind him, Stayne.
How can he work
if his hands are bound?
Well, then,
shall it be a bonnet or a boater?
Or something for the boudoir?
Cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif,
snood, barboosh, pugree, yarmulke,
cockle hat, porkpie, tam o'shanter,
billycock, bicorne, tricorne, bandeau,
bongrace, fan-tail, night cap,
Garibaldi, fez...
Hatter.
Fez?
Leave us.
The trees seem sad.
- Have you been speaking with them?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
Perhaps a bit more kindly.
Would you all excuse me
for a moment? Thank you.
- What news, Bayard?
- Alice has returned to Underland.
- Where is she now?
- In Salazen Grum.
Forgive me. I allowed her
to divert from her destined path.
No, no, no, no. But that is exactly
where she will find the Vorpal sword.
We have our champion.
Rest now. You've done well.
Have you seen
a hat around here?
You must find Alice, Stayne.
Without the Jabberwocky,
my sister's followers
will surely rise against me.
Ugly little sister.
Why do they adore her and not me?
I cannot fathom it.
You are far superior in all ways.
I know.
But Mirana can make anyone
fall in love with her.
Men, women,
even the furniture.
Even the King?
I had to do it. He would have left me.
Majesty, is it not better
to be feared than loved?
Not certain anymore.
Oh, let her have the rabble.
I don't need them.
I have you.
They're wonderful.
You must let me try one on.
It is good to be working
at my trade again.
It's just a pity
you have to make them for her.
What is the hatter with me?
Hatter?
Hatter.
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
I'm frightened, Alice.
I don't like it in here.
It's terribly crowded.
Have I gone mad?
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers.
But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.
Here.
That's better. You look yourself again.
Hat man!
Where are my hats?
I'm not a patient monarch!
I'm told she keeps the Vorpal sword
hidden in the castle.
The rabbit will help you.
Find it, Alice.
Take it to the White Queen.
We'll go to the White Queen together.
Why is it you're always too small
or too tall?
- Tweedles.
- Alice.
- How do you do, again?
- Where's the rabbit?
How is it you're being so great big?
She ain't great big,
this is how she normal is.
I'm certain she's smaller when we met.
No, she drank the pishsalver
to get through the door, recall it?
Oh, yeah.
- Where's the rabbit?
- Over theres.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm rescuing the Hatter.
I'm rescuing the Hatter.
He told me that the Vorpal sword
is hidden in the castle. Help me find it.
I don't take orders
from big, clumsy, galumphing...
Shoo!
- What is it, McTwisp?
- I know where the sword is.
The sword's hidden inside.
Be careful, Alice.
I know that smell.
I'm not going in there.
Look what that thing did to my arm.
Dear, oh, dear.
Why haven't you mentioned this?
It wasn't this bad before.
Hatter? Where are you?
Hatter?
Mallymkun.
Do you still have
the Bandersnatch eye?
Right here.
- I need it.
- Come and get it.
Hey! Give it back!
I like you, Um.
I like largeness.
Get away from me.
I have your eye.
No.
Hmm.
You look stunning in that hat.
Yes. Next.
Your Majesty has never looked better.
Hmm. Another.
Oh!
I don't wish to alarm you,
but it smells as though
you might have dropped something.
Never mind him, he's mad.
Come along.
Stayne!
I suppose this makes us even now.
Um forced herself on me.
I told her my heart belongs to you,
but she's obsessed with me.
Off with her head!
Stand back, Mallymkun.
How's this for muchness?
No, no!
It mustn't be used for anything...
Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!
Hatter!
- Take it to the White Queen.
- I'm not leaving without you.
Go!
Run, Alice!
Alice?
Run!
Seize her.
Alice.
Of course. Why didn't I see it?
Well, it has been a long time,
and you were such a little tyke then.
- Give me the sword.
- Stay back.
The Queen will be so pleased.
She will take great pleasure
in taking off your head.
- Oh, Alice!
- Bayard! To Marmoreal.
Majesty, Alice has escaped
on the Bandersnatch,
with the Vorpal sword.
How could you let this happen?
I may have underestimated her,
but we have her conspirators,
the Hatter and a dormouse.
Off with their heads!
Welcome to Marmoreal.
I believe this belongs to you.
Mmm.
The Vorpal sword is home again.
The armor is complete.
Now all we need is a champion.
You're a little taller
than I thought you'd be.
Blame it on too much upelkuchen.
Oh.
Come with me.
Is the March Hare here?
You're late
for your soup, you wee besom.
- You're late for your soup.
- Could use some salt.
Come here, you!
Give me that here.
Choppy, chop, chop, chop.
Leek and potato. Yes. That would be...
Pishsalver. Let me think.
A pinch of worm fat,
urine of the horsefly,
buttered fingers.
My sister preferred to study
Dominion Over Living Things.
Tell me, how does she seem to you?
Perfectly horrid.
- And her head?
- Bulbous.
I think she may have
some kind of growth in there,
something pressing on her brain.
Three coins from a dead man's pocket,
two teaspoons of wishful thinking.
You can't imagine the things
that go on in that place.
Oh, yes, I can.
But when a champion steps forth
to slay the Jabberwocky,
the people will rise against her.
That should do it.
Blow.
- Feel better?
- Much, thank you.
There's someone here
who would like to speak with you.
- Absolem?
- Who are you?
I thought we'd settled this.
I'm Alice, but not that one.
- How do you know?
- You said so yourself.
I said you were not hardly Alice,
but you're much more her now.
In fact, you're almost Alice.
Even so,
I couldn't slay the Jabberwocky
if my life depended on it.
It will.
So I suggest
you keep the Vorpal sword on hand
when the Frabjous Day arrives.
You seem so real.
Sometimes I forget
that this is all a dream.
Will you stop doing that?
I've always admired that hat.
Hello, Chess.
Since you won't be needing it
anymore,
would you consider
bequeathing it to me?
How dare you?
It is a formal execution.
I would like to look my best, you know.
It is a pity about all this.
I was looking forward
to seeing you Futterwacken.
I was rather good at it, was I not?
I really do love that hat.
I would wear it
to all the finest occasions.
I love a morning execution, don't you?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- I'd like to keep it on.
- Suit yourself.
As long as I can get at your neck.
I'm right behind you.
Off with his head!
I can't watch.
Good morning, everyone.
Chess, you dog.
Madam,
you are being heinously bamboozled
by these lickspittle toadies
you surround yourselves with.
What is that?
I'm not the only one, Majesty. Look!
A counterfeit nose.
You should be ashamed.
Me? What about that big belly
you're so proud of?
Liars! Cheats! Falsifiers!
Off with their heads!
The abused and enslaved
in the Red Queen's court,
all of you stand up and fight!
Rise up against the bloody Red Queen.
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Release the Jubjub Bird!
You're right, Stayne,
it is far better to be feared than loved.
Come, boys. Quickly! Come on!
Hatter!
Come on, Mally, quickly.
Come on. Come on.
Prepare the Jabberwocky for battle.
We're going to visit my little sister.
I had hoped
to have a champion by now.
Why don't you slay
the Jabberwocky yourself?
You must have the power.
It is against my vows
to harm any living creature.
We have company.
Have a look, Bayard.
Bielle.
I'm so happy to see you.
I thought they were going to...
So did I. But they didn't,
and now here I am, still in one piece.
And I'm rather glad about that
now that I'm seeing you again.
I would have regretted
not seeing you again,
especially now that you're you,
and the proper size.
And it's a good size. It's a great size.
It's a right proper Alice size!
- Hatter.
- Size. Fez. I'm fine.
Where's your hat?
Mmm.
- Cheshire.
- How's the arm, love?
All healed.
Goodbye, sweet hat.
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Let me think about it.
You know what tomorrow is, don't you?
Frabjous Day. How could I forget?
Wish I'd wake up.
- Still believe this is a dream, do you?
- Of course.
This has all come from my own mind.
Which would mean that I'm not real.
Afraid so.
You're just a figment of my imagination.
I would dream up someone
who's half-mad.
Yes, yes. But you would have to be
half-mad to dream me up.
I must be, then.
I'll miss you when I wake up.
Who will step forth to be champion
for the White Queen?
That would be I.
You have very poor evaporating skills.
I should be the one.
I'll do it.
- No, me.
- No, me.
No other slayer, nohow.
If it ain't Alice, it ain't dead.
Alice, you cannot live your life
to please others.
The choice must be yours,
because when you step out
to face that creature,
you will step out alone.
Nothing was ever accomplished
with tears.
Absolem?
Why are you upside down?
I've come to the end of this life.
- You're going to die?
- Transform.
Don't go. I need your help.
I don't know what to do.
I can't help you if you don't even know
who you are, stupid girl.
I'm not stupid.
My name is Alice. I live in London.
I have a mother named Helen
and a sister named Margaret.
My father was Charles Kingsleigh.
He had a vision that stretched
halfway around the world,
and nothing ever stopped him.
I'm his daughter. I'm Alice Kingsleigh.
Alice, at last.
You were just as dim-witted
the first time you were here.
You called it "Wonderland," as I recall.
Wonderland.
- What do you call yourself?
- Alice.
The Alice?
Then I'll take you to the Hare
and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
McTWISP: She's the right one.
I'm certain of it.
Ah, Thackery, not at the table, please.
Have some tea.
You're not Absolem,
I'm Absolem, stupid girl.
- What is this?
- I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum,
he's Tweedledee.
You'd think she would
remember all this from the first time.
Curiouser and curiouser.
It wasn't a dream at all,
it was a memory.
This place is real,
and so are you and so is the Hatter.
And the Jabberwocky.
Remember, the Vorpal sword
knows what it wants.
All you have to do is hold on to it.
Fairfarren, Alice.
Perhaps I will see you in another life.
- Hello, Iracebeth.
- Hello, Mirana.
On this, the Frabjous Day,
the Queens Red and White
shall send forth their champions
to do battle on their behalf.
Oh, Racie. We don't have to fight.
I know what you're doing.
You think you can blink
those pretty little eyes
and I'll melt,
just like Mummy and Daddy did.
Please.
No! It is my crown! I am the eldest!
Jabberwocky!
This is impossible.
Only if you believe it is.
Sometimes I believe as many as six
impossible things before breakfast.
That is an excellent practice.
However, just at the moment,
you really might want
to focus on the Jabberwocky.
Where's your champion, Sister?
Here.
Hello, Um.
Six impossible things.
Count them, Alice.
One, there's a potion
that can make you shrink.
Two, and a cake
that can make you grow.
So, my old foe,
we meet on the battlefield once again.
We've never met.
Not you, insignificant bearer.
My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.
That's enough chatter.
Three, animals can talk.
Four, Alice,
cats can disappear.
Five,
there's a place called Wonderland.
Six,
I can slay the Jabberwocky.
The Hatter's interfering!
Off with his head!
Off with your head!
Kill her!
We follow you no more,
Bloody Big Head.
How dare you? Off with his head!
Iracebeth of Crims, your crimes
against Underland are worthy of death.
However, that is against my vows,
therefore, you are banished
to the Outlands.
No one is to show you any kindness,
or ever speak a word to you.
You will not have a friend in the world.
Majesty, I hope you bear me no ill will.
Only this one, Ilosovic Stayne,
you are to join Iracebeth in banishment
from this day
until the end of Underland.
At least we have each other.
Majesty, please! Kill me! Please!
But I do not owe you a kindness.
- Take off my head!
- He tried to kill me.
- Majesty! Please! Please!
- He tried to kill me.
- I offer you my head!
- He tried to kill me!
Oh, the Frabjous Day! Callou! Callay!
- What is he doing?
- Futterwacken.
Blood of the Jabberwocky.
You have our everlasting gratitude.
And for your efforts on our behalf...
- Will this take me home?
- If that is what you choose.
You could stay.
What an idea.
A crazy, mad, wonderful idea.
But I can't.
There are questions I have to answer,
things I have to do.
Be back again before you know it.
You won't remember me.
Of course I will. How could I forget?
Hatter, why is a raven
like a writing desk?
I haven't the slightest idea.
Fairfarren, Alice.
She left me standing there
without an answer.
A case of nerves, no doubt.
- Alice.
- Good Lord.
- Are you all right?
- What happened to you?
I fell down a hole and hit my head.
I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you.
You're not the right man for me.
And there's that trouble
with your digestion.
I love you, Margaret, but this is my life.
I'll decide what to do with it.
You're lucky to have my sister
for your wife, Lowell,
and you be good to her.
I'll be watching very closely.
There is no prince, Aunt Imogene.
You need to talk to someone
about these delusions.
I happen to love rabbits,
especially white ones.
Don't worry, Mother,
I'll find something useful
to do with my life.
You two remind me of some funny boys
I met in a dream.
- You've left me out.
- No, I haven't, sir.
You and I have business to discuss.
Shall we speak in the study?
Oh. And one more thing.
My father told me he planned to expand
his trade route to Sumatra and Borneo,
but I don't think
he was looking far enough.
Why not go all the way to China?
It's vast, the culture is rich,
and we have a foothold in Hong Kong.
To be the first to trade with China,
can you imagine it?
You know, if anybody else
had said that to me,
I'd say, "You've lost your senses".
But I've seen that look before.
Well, as you're not going to be
my daughter-in-law,
perhaps you'd consider becoming
an apprentice with the company.
Hello, Absolem.
Tripping out, spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah, I fell down
I'm freaking out
Where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now
I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry
I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, the ground
Is this real?
Is it pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end
I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry
Oh, Alice, dear, where have you been?
So near, so far, so in between
What have you heard?
What have you seen?
Alice, Alice, please, Alice
Oh, tell us, are you big or small?
To try this one or try them all
It's such a long, long way to fall
Alice, Alice, oh, Alice
How can you know this way, not that?
You choose the door
You choose the path
Perhaps you should be coming back
Another day, another day
And nothing is quite what it seems
You're dreaming
Are you dreaming?
Oh, Alice
Oh, Alice
Oh!
Oh, how will you find your way?
Oh, how will you find your way?
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
So many doors, how did you choose?
So much to gain, so much to lose
So many things got in your way
No time today, no time today
Be careful not to lose your head
Remember what the dormouse said
Alice!
Did someone pull you by the hand?
How many miles to Wonderland?
Please tell us so we'll understand
Alice, Alice, oh, Alice
Oh, how will you find your way?
Oh, how will you find your way?
finally lost your senses.
This venture is impossible.
For some. Gentlemen, the only way
to achieve the impossible
is to believe it is possible.
That kind of thinking could ruin you.
I'm willing to take that chance.
Imagine trading posts
in Rangoon, Bangkok, Jakarta...
The nightmare again?
I won't be long.
I'm falling down a dark hole,
then I see strange creatures.
What kind of creatures?
Well, there's a dodo bird,
a rabbit in a waistcoat, a smiling cat.
I didn't know cats could smile.
Neither did I.
And there's a blue caterpillar.
Blue caterpillar.
Hmm.
Do you think I've gone round the bend?
I'm afraid so.
You're mad, bonkers, off your head.
But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.
It's only a dream, Alice.
Nothing can harm you there.
But if you get too frightened,
you can always wake up. Like this.
Ow!
Must we go?
Doubt they'll notice if we never arrive.
They will notice.
Where's your corset?
And no stockings.
I'm against them.
But you're not properly dressed.
Who's to say what is proper?
What if it was agreed that "proper"
was wearing a codfish on your head?
- Would you wear it?
- Alice.
To me, a corset is like a codfish.
Please, not today.
Father would have laughed.
I'm sorry. I'm tired.
I didn't sleep well last night.
Did you have bad dreams again?
Only one.
It's always the same,
ever since I can remember.
Do you think that's normal?
Don't most people
have different dreams?
I don't know.
There. You're beautiful.
Now, can you manage a smile?
At last. We thought you'd never arrive.
Alice, Hamish is waiting
to dance with you. Go.
You do realize it's well past 4:00.
Now everything will have
to be rushed through.
- I am sorry.
- Oh, never mind!
Forgive my wife. She's been planning
this affair for over 20 years.
If only Charles were here...
My condolences.
I think of your husband often.
He was truly a man of vision.
I hope you don't think I've taken
advantage of your misfortunes.
Of course not. I'm pleased
that you purchased the company.
I was a fool for not investing in
his mad venture when I had the chance.
Charles thought so, too.
Hamish, do you ever tire of quadrille?
On the contrary. I find it invigorating.
Do I amuse you?
No.
I had a sudden vision
of all the ladies in trousers
and the men wearing dresses.
I think you'll do best
to keep your visions to yourself.
When in doubt, remain silent.
Pardon us, sir.
Miss Kingsleigh is distracted today.
Where's your head?
I was wondering
what it would be like to fly.
Why would you spend your time
thinking about
such an impossible thing?
Why wouldn't I?
My father said he sometimes believed
in six impossible things
before breakfast.
Come along.
Alice, meet me under the gazebo
in precisely 10 minutes.
We have a secret to tell you.
If you're telling me,
then it's not much of a secret.
- Perhaps we shouldn't.
- We decided we should.
If we tell her, she won't be surprised.
- Will you be surprised?
- Not if you tell me.
But now you've brought it up,
you have to.
- No, we don't.
- In fact, we won't.
I wonder if your mother knows
that you two swim naked
in the Havershims' pond.
- You wouldn't.
- Oh, but I would.
There's your mother right now.
Hamish is going to ask for your hand.
You've ruined the surprise!
I could strangle them!
Everyone went to so much effort
to keep the secret.
Does everyone know?
It's why they've all come.
This is your engagement party.
Hamish will ask you under the gazebo.
When you say yes...
But I don't know
if I want to marry Hamish.
Who, then?
You won't do better than a lord.
You'll soon be 20, Alice.
That pretty face won't last forever.
You don't want to end up
like Aunt Imogene.
And you don't want to be a burden
on Mother, do you?
No.
So you'll marry Hamish.
You will be as happy
as I am with Lowell,
and your life will be perfect.
It's already decided.
Alice, dear.
I'll leave you to it.
Shall we take a leisurely stroll
through the garden, just you and me?
Do you know what I've always dreaded?
The decline of the aristocracy?
Ugly grandchildren. But you're lovely.
You're bound to produce
little... Imbeciles!
The gardeners have
planted white roses
when I specifically asked for red.
You could always paint the roses red.
What an odd thing to say.
You should know that my son
has extremely delicate digestion.
- Did you see that?
- See what?
- It was a rabbit, I think.
- Nasty things.
I do enjoy setting the dogs on them.
If you serve Hamish the wrong foods,
he could get a blockage.
Did you see it that time?
- See what?
- The rabbit.
Don't shout.
Now, pay attention.
Hamish said you were easily distracted.
- What was I saying?
- Hamish has a blockage.
I couldn't be more interested,
but you'll have to excuse me.
Aunt Imogene.
I think I'm going mad.
I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
I can't be bothered
with your fancy rabbit now.
I'm waiting for my fianc.
- You have a fianc?
- Hmm.
There! Did you see it?
He's a prince.
But, alas, he cannot marry me
unless he renounces his throne.
It's tragic, isn't it?
Very.
Lowell?
Alice. We were just...
Hattie's an old friend.
I can see you're very close.
Look, you won't mention this
to your sister, will you?
I don't know. I'm confused.
I need time to think.
Well, think about Margaret.
She'd never trust me again.
You don't want to ruin her marriage,
do you?
Me?
But I'm not the one who's
sneaking around behind her back.
There you are.
Alice Kingsleigh...
Hamish.
What is it?
You have a caterpillar
on your shoulder.
Ew.
Don't hurt it.
You'll want to wash that finger.
Alice Kingsleigh,
will you be my wife?
Well,
everyone expects me to,
and you're a lord.
My face won't last,
and I don't want to end up like...
But this is happening so quickly. I...
I think I...
I think I...
I need a moment.
Hello.
It's only a dream.
You'd think she would
remember all this from the first time.
You've brought the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: No, she's the right one.
I'm certain of it.
She's the wrong Alice.
McTWISP: Give her a chance.
Curiouser and curiouser.
I told you she's the right Alice.
I am not convinced.
McTWISP: How is that for gratitude?
I've been up there for weeks,
trailing one Alice after the next,
and I was almost eaten
by other animals.
Can you imagine?
They go about entirely unclothed,
and they do their shukm in public.
- I had to avert my eyes.
- Doesn't look anything like herself.
That's because she's the wrong Alice.
- If she was, she might be.
- If she isn't, she ain't.
- But if she were so, she would be.
- But she isn't, nohow.
How can I be the wrong Alice
when this is my dream?
And who are you, if I might ask?
Oh, I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum,
he's Tweedledee.
We should consult Absolem.
Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
- I'll escort you.
- Hey, it's not being your turn.
So unfair.
- Hey, leave off!
- Let go!
- Are they always this way?
- Family trait.
You can both escort her.
- Who is this Absolem?
- He's wise. He's absolute.
He's Absolem.
Who are you?
Absolem?
You're not Absolem, I'm Absolem.
The question is, who are you?
Alice.
We shall see.
What do you mean by that?
I ought to know who I am.
Yes, you ought, stupid girl.
Unroll the Oraculum.
The Oraculum, being a calendrical
compendium of Underland.
- It's a calendar.
- Compendium.
It tells of each and every day
since the Beginning.
Today is Griblig Day
in the time of the Red Queen.
Show her the Frabjous Day.
Mmm. Yeah, Frabjous being the day
you slay the Jabberwocky.
Sorry? Slay a what?
Oh, yeah. That being you, there,
with the Vorpal sword.
No other swords can kill
the Jabberwocky, nohow.
If it ain't Vorpal, it ain't dead.
That's not me!
I know!
Resolve this for us, Absolem.
Is she the right Alice?
Not hardly.
- I told you.
- McTWISP: - Oh, dear.
- I said so.
- I said so.
Contrariwise,
you said she might be.
No, you said she would be if she was.
Little impostor. Pretending
to be Alice. She should be ashamed.
I was so certain of you.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be the wrong Alice.
Wait, this is my dream.
I'm going to wake up now
and you'll all disappear.
That's odd.
Pinching usually does the trick.
I could stick you, if that would help.
- It might, actually. Thank you.
- My pleasure.
Ow!
- Bandersnatch!
- Bandersnatch!
Wait.
It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt me.
What's she doing?
Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me.
Run, you great lug!
This way, east to Queast.
No, south to Snud.
No. No, no. This way.
Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
- Did you steal them?
- No, Your Majesty.
- Did you?
- No, Your Majesty.
- Did you steal them?
- No, Your Majesty.
Did you steal my tarts?
No, Your Majesty.
Squimberry juice.
- I was so hungry! I didn't mean to!
- Off with his head!
My family! Oh, please, please don't!
No! I have little ones to look after!
Go to his house
and collect the little ones.
I love tadpoles on toast
almost as much as I love caviar.
Yes, Your Majesty.
Drink!
Majesty?
Ilosovic Stayne, you knave,
where have you been lurking?
Majesty, I have found the Oraculum.
That? Looks so ordinary for an oracle.
Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
I'd know that tangled mess
of hair anywhere.
Is it Alice?
I believe it is.
What's she doing
with my darling Jabberwocky?
She appears to be slaying it.
She killed my Jabber-baby-wocky?
Not yet, but it will happen
if we don't stop her.
Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!
Find the scent of human girl
and earn your freedom.
For my wife and pups, as well?
Everyone will go home.
Dogs will believe anything.
It looks like you ran afoul of something
with wicked claws.
And I'm still dreaming.
What did that to you?
- Banner or Bander...
- The Bandersnatch?
Well, I'd better have a look.
What are you doing?
It needs to be purified
by someone with evaporating skills,
or it will fester and putrefy.
I'd rather you didn't.
I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
At least let me bind it for you.
- What do you call yourself?
- Alice.
The Alice?
- There's been some debate about that.
- I never get involved in politics.
You'd best be on your way.
What way? All I want to do is
wake up from this dream.
Fine.
Then I'll take you to the Hare
and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
Coming?
Watch what you're doing!
Hey, watch it!
Okay, okay. All right.
It's you.
No, it's not.
McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
It's the wrong Alice!
It's absolutely Alice.
You're absolutely Alice.
I'd know you anywhere.
I'd know him anywhere.
Well, as you can see,
we're still having tea.
And it's all because I was obliged
to kill Time waiting for your return.
You're terribly late, you know. Naughty.
Well, anyway, Time became
quite offended and stopped altogether.
Not a tick ever since.
- Cup.
- Time can be funny in dreams.
Yes, yes, of course,
but now you're back, you see,
and we need to get on
to the Frabjous Day.
- Frabjous Day!
- Frabjous Day!
I'm investigating things
that begin with the letter "M."
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- What?
- Down with the Bloody Big Head,
the Bloody Big Head
being the Red Queen.
Come, come. We simply must
commence with the slaying and such.
Therefore, it is high time
to forgive and forget
or forget and forgive,
whichever comes first
or is, in any case, most convenient.
I'm waiting.
Hey.
It's tick-tick... It's ticking again.
All this talk of blood and slaying
has put me off my tea.
Ah.
The entire world is falling to ruin
and poor Chessur's off his tea.
What happened that day
was not my fault.
Oh, dear.
You ran out on them
to save your own skin,
you guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering
shukm juggling sluking urpal.
Bar lom muck egg brimni!
Hatter!
- Thank you.
- Meow.
I'm fine.
What's wrong with you, Tarrant?
You used to be the life of the party.
You used to do the best Futterwacken
in all of Witzend.
- Futter what?
- Futterwacken!
It's a dance.
On the Frabjous Day,
when the White Queen
once again wears the crown,
on that day,
I shall Futterwacken vigorously.
Oh, no.
Uh-oh.
The Knave.
Goodbye.
Hide her!
Drink this quickly.
Quick! Hide her!
Oh, dear.
Aye.
Mind your head.
Let me out!
Well, if it's not my favorite
trio of lunatics.
Would you like to join us?
You're all late for tea!
We're looking for the girl called Alice.
Speaking of the Queen, here is a little
song we used to sing in her honor.
- Twinkle Twinkle little bat
- Twinkle Twinkle little bat
- How I wonder where you're at
- How I wonder where you're at
- Up a...
- Up a...
If you're hiding her,
you'll lose your heads.
Already lost them.
All together now!
- Up above the world you fly
- Up above the world you fly
- Like a tea tray in the sky
- Like a tea tray in the sky
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
- Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
Oh!
Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Would you like some cream?
- Would you like a slice of Battenberg?
- Follow the bloodhound.
- Sugar?
- Yes, please.
- Oh, that's lovely.
- You're all mad.
Thanks very much.
Pass the scones, please.
- That one there.
- Oh! Pardon.
- Yes.
- Yep, aye.
One moment.
There. Yes.
Try this on for size.
Oh.
I like it.
Good thing the bloodhound
is one of us, or you'd be...
What do they want with me?
Wait a minute,
best take her to the White Queen.
She'll be safe there. Spoon...
Your carriage, milady.
- The hat?
- Of course.
Anyone can go by horse or rail,
but the absolute best way to travel
is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
Oh, I love traveling by hat.
Mally. Just Alice, please.
Fairfarren, all.
What do you mean? Wait. Gae!
"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
"All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe"
Sorry, what was that?
What was what?
"The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame
Jaws that bite and claws that catch!
"'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
And the frumious Bandersnatch! '
"He took his Vorpal sword in hand
The Vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
"He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back"
It's all about you, you know.
I'm not slaying anything.
I don't slay, so put it out of your mind.
Mind.
Wait! You can't leave me here!
You don't slay.
Do you have any idea
what the Red Queen has done?
You don't slay.
I couldn't if I wanted to.
You're not the same
as you were before.
You were much more muchier.
You've lost your muchness.
My "muchness"?
In there. Something's missing.
Tell me what Red Queen has done.
It's not a pretty story.
Tell me anyway.
It was here.
I was hatter to the White Queen
at the time.
Hightopp clan have always
been employed at court.
Hatter? Hatter!
I'm fine.
Are you?
Did you hear that?
I'm certain I heard something.
What?
Oh! Red Knights.
Go south to Trotter's Bottom.
The White Queen's castle
is just beyond.
Hold on tightly.
Down with the bloody Red Queen!
You were supposed to lead them away!
The Hatter trusted you!
They have my wife and pups.
- What's your name?
- Bayard.
Sit!
Would your name be Alice,
by any chance?
Yes, but I'm not the one
that everyone's talking about.
The Hatter would not have
given himself up just for any Alice.
Where did they take him?
To the Red Queen's castle
at Salazen Grum.
We're going to rescue him.
That is not foretold.
I don't care.
He wouldn't be there if it weren't for me.
The Frabjous Day is almost upon us.
You must prepare
to meet the Jabberwocky.
From the moment
I fell down that rabbit hole,
I've been told what I must do
and who I must be.
I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched
and stuffed into a teapot.
I've been accused of being Alice and
of not being Alice, but this is my dream.
I'll decide where it goes from here.
If you diverge from the path...
I make the path.
Take me to Salazen Grum, Bayard,
and don't forget the hat.
There's only one way across.
Lost my muchness, have I?
Bayard! The hat!
Your Majesty.
So sorry.
Splendid shot!
Where's my ball? Page!
Yes, Your Majesty.
I want to help you.
Well, if it isn't the wrong Alice.
What brings you here? Mmm?
I've come to rescue the Hatter.
You're not rescuing anyone
being the size of a gerbil.
Well, do you have any more
of that cake that made me grow before?
Upelkuchen?
Actually, I might have some left.
Not all of it!
Oh, no! Stop! No, no, no, don't.
Don't do that!
Page!
Oh, dear.
And what is this?
It... It's a "who," Majesty. This is, um...
Um?
From Umbradge.
What happened to your clothes?
I outgrew them.
I've been growing an awful lot lately.
I tower over everyone in Umbradge.
They laugh at me.
So I've come to you, hoping you might
understand what it's like.
My dear girl,
anyone with a head that large
is welcome in my court.
Someone find her some clothes!
Use the curtains if you must,
but clothe this enormous girl.
I need a pig here!
I love a warm pig belly
for my aching feet.
- Would you like one, Um?
- No, thank you.
Sit!
Sit!
Go away.
Where are my fat boys?
You must meet them.
Fat boys!
Oh. There they are.
Aren't they adorable?
They have the oddest way of speaking.
Speak, boys. Amuse us.
Go on.
No.
Speak!
- Is that being...
- No, no, it isn't. Not a bit. No.
Contrariwise, I believe it's so.
No, it ain't so, nohow!
I love my fat boys. Now, get out.
- He did pinch me.
- He did pinch me.
And who is this lovely creature?
Um, my new favorite.
- Well, does she have a name?
- Um.
I believe your name
has slipped the Queen's mind.
Her name is Um, idiot!
From Umbradge.
Any luck with the prisoner?
He's stubborn.
You're too soft. Bring him!
We know Alice has returned
to Underland.
Do you know where she is?
I've been considering things
that begin with the letter "M."
Moron, mutiny, murder, malice.
We're looking for an "A" word now.
Where is Alice?
Who, that wee little boy?
I wouldn't know.
What if I take off your head?
Will you know then?
Stop that.
What a regrettably large head
you have.
I should very much like to hat it.
- Hat it?
- Yes.
I used to hat
the White Queen, you know.
Wasn't very much to work with,
poor dear.
Her head is so small.
It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.
But this...
What I could do
with this monument, this orb...
Nay, this magnificently heroic globe.
What could you do?
Unbind him, Stayne.
How can he work
if his hands are bound?
Well, then,
shall it be a bonnet or a boater?
Or something for the boudoir?
Cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif,
snood, barboosh, pugree, yarmulke,
cockle hat, porkpie, tam o'shanter,
billycock, bicorne, tricorne, bandeau,
bongrace, fan-tail, night cap,
Garibaldi, fez...
Hatter.
Fez?
Leave us.
The trees seem sad.
- Have you been speaking with them?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
Perhaps a bit more kindly.
Would you all excuse me
for a moment? Thank you.
- What news, Bayard?
- Alice has returned to Underland.
- Where is she now?
- In Salazen Grum.
Forgive me. I allowed her
to divert from her destined path.
No, no, no, no. But that is exactly
where she will find the Vorpal sword.
We have our champion.
Rest now. You've done well.
Have you seen
a hat around here?
You must find Alice, Stayne.
Without the Jabberwocky,
my sister's followers
will surely rise against me.
Ugly little sister.
Why do they adore her and not me?
I cannot fathom it.
You are far superior in all ways.
I know.
But Mirana can make anyone
fall in love with her.
Men, women,
even the furniture.
Even the King?
I had to do it. He would have left me.
Majesty, is it not better
to be feared than loved?
Not certain anymore.
Oh, let her have the rabble.
I don't need them.
I have you.
They're wonderful.
You must let me try one on.
It is good to be working
at my trade again.
It's just a pity
you have to make them for her.
What is the hatter with me?
Hatter?
Hatter.
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
I'm frightened, Alice.
I don't like it in here.
It's terribly crowded.
Have I gone mad?
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers.
But I'll tell you a secret.
All the best people are.
Here.
That's better. You look yourself again.
Hat man!
Where are my hats?
I'm not a patient monarch!
I'm told she keeps the Vorpal sword
hidden in the castle.
The rabbit will help you.
Find it, Alice.
Take it to the White Queen.
We'll go to the White Queen together.
Why is it you're always too small
or too tall?
- Tweedles.
- Alice.
- How do you do, again?
- Where's the rabbit?
How is it you're being so great big?
She ain't great big,
this is how she normal is.
I'm certain she's smaller when we met.
No, she drank the pishsalver
to get through the door, recall it?
Oh, yeah.
- Where's the rabbit?
- Over theres.
- What are you doing here?
- I'm rescuing the Hatter.
I'm rescuing the Hatter.
He told me that the Vorpal sword
is hidden in the castle. Help me find it.
I don't take orders
from big, clumsy, galumphing...
Shoo!
- What is it, McTwisp?
- I know where the sword is.
The sword's hidden inside.
Be careful, Alice.
I know that smell.
I'm not going in there.
Look what that thing did to my arm.
Dear, oh, dear.
Why haven't you mentioned this?
It wasn't this bad before.
Hatter? Where are you?
Hatter?
Mallymkun.
Do you still have
the Bandersnatch eye?
Right here.
- I need it.
- Come and get it.
Hey! Give it back!
I like you, Um.
I like largeness.
Get away from me.
I have your eye.
No.
Hmm.
You look stunning in that hat.
Yes. Next.
Your Majesty has never looked better.
Hmm. Another.
Oh!
I don't wish to alarm you,
but it smells as though
you might have dropped something.
Never mind him, he's mad.
Come along.
Stayne!
I suppose this makes us even now.
Um forced herself on me.
I told her my heart belongs to you,
but she's obsessed with me.
Off with her head!
Stand back, Mallymkun.
How's this for muchness?
No, no!
It mustn't be used for anything...
Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!
Hatter!
- Take it to the White Queen.
- I'm not leaving without you.
Go!
Run, Alice!
Alice?
Run!
Seize her.
Alice.
Of course. Why didn't I see it?
Well, it has been a long time,
and you were such a little tyke then.
- Give me the sword.
- Stay back.
The Queen will be so pleased.
She will take great pleasure
in taking off your head.
- Oh, Alice!
- Bayard! To Marmoreal.
Majesty, Alice has escaped
on the Bandersnatch,
with the Vorpal sword.
How could you let this happen?
I may have underestimated her,
but we have her conspirators,
the Hatter and a dormouse.
Off with their heads!
Welcome to Marmoreal.
I believe this belongs to you.
Mmm.
The Vorpal sword is home again.
The armor is complete.
Now all we need is a champion.
You're a little taller
than I thought you'd be.
Blame it on too much upelkuchen.
Oh.
Come with me.
Is the March Hare here?
You're late
for your soup, you wee besom.
- You're late for your soup.
- Could use some salt.
Come here, you!
Give me that here.
Choppy, chop, chop, chop.
Leek and potato. Yes. That would be...
Pishsalver. Let me think.
A pinch of worm fat,
urine of the horsefly,
buttered fingers.
My sister preferred to study
Dominion Over Living Things.
Tell me, how does she seem to you?
Perfectly horrid.
- And her head?
- Bulbous.
I think she may have
some kind of growth in there,
something pressing on her brain.
Three coins from a dead man's pocket,
two teaspoons of wishful thinking.
You can't imagine the things
that go on in that place.
Oh, yes, I can.
But when a champion steps forth
to slay the Jabberwocky,
the people will rise against her.
That should do it.
Blow.
- Feel better?
- Much, thank you.
There's someone here
who would like to speak with you.
- Absolem?
- Who are you?
I thought we'd settled this.
I'm Alice, but not that one.
- How do you know?
- You said so yourself.
I said you were not hardly Alice,
but you're much more her now.
In fact, you're almost Alice.
Even so,
I couldn't slay the Jabberwocky
if my life depended on it.
It will.
So I suggest
you keep the Vorpal sword on hand
when the Frabjous Day arrives.
You seem so real.
Sometimes I forget
that this is all a dream.
Will you stop doing that?
I've always admired that hat.
Hello, Chess.
Since you won't be needing it
anymore,
would you consider
bequeathing it to me?
How dare you?
It is a formal execution.
I would like to look my best, you know.
It is a pity about all this.
I was looking forward
to seeing you Futterwacken.
I was rather good at it, was I not?
I really do love that hat.
I would wear it
to all the finest occasions.
I love a morning execution, don't you?
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- Yes, Your Majesty.
- I'd like to keep it on.
- Suit yourself.
As long as I can get at your neck.
I'm right behind you.
Off with his head!
I can't watch.
Good morning, everyone.
Chess, you dog.
Madam,
you are being heinously bamboozled
by these lickspittle toadies
you surround yourselves with.
What is that?
I'm not the only one, Majesty. Look!
A counterfeit nose.
You should be ashamed.
Me? What about that big belly
you're so proud of?
Liars! Cheats! Falsifiers!
Off with their heads!
The abused and enslaved
in the Red Queen's court,
all of you stand up and fight!
Rise up against the bloody Red Queen.
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
- Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
Release the Jubjub Bird!
You're right, Stayne,
it is far better to be feared than loved.
Come, boys. Quickly! Come on!
Hatter!
Come on, Mally, quickly.
Come on. Come on.
Prepare the Jabberwocky for battle.
We're going to visit my little sister.
I had hoped
to have a champion by now.
Why don't you slay
the Jabberwocky yourself?
You must have the power.
It is against my vows
to harm any living creature.
We have company.
Have a look, Bayard.
Bielle.
I'm so happy to see you.
I thought they were going to...
So did I. But they didn't,
and now here I am, still in one piece.
And I'm rather glad about that
now that I'm seeing you again.
I would have regretted
not seeing you again,
especially now that you're you,
and the proper size.
And it's a good size. It's a great size.
It's a right proper Alice size!
- Hatter.
- Size. Fez. I'm fine.
Where's your hat?
Mmm.
- Cheshire.
- How's the arm, love?
All healed.
Goodbye, sweet hat.
Have you any idea
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Let me think about it.
You know what tomorrow is, don't you?
Frabjous Day. How could I forget?
Wish I'd wake up.
- Still believe this is a dream, do you?
- Of course.
This has all come from my own mind.
Which would mean that I'm not real.
Afraid so.
You're just a figment of my imagination.
I would dream up someone
who's half-mad.
Yes, yes. But you would have to be
half-mad to dream me up.
I must be, then.
I'll miss you when I wake up.
Who will step forth to be champion
for the White Queen?
That would be I.
You have very poor evaporating skills.
I should be the one.
I'll do it.
- No, me.
- No, me.
No other slayer, nohow.
If it ain't Alice, it ain't dead.
Alice, you cannot live your life
to please others.
The choice must be yours,
because when you step out
to face that creature,
you will step out alone.
Nothing was ever accomplished
with tears.
Absolem?
Why are you upside down?
I've come to the end of this life.
- You're going to die?
- Transform.
Don't go. I need your help.
I don't know what to do.
I can't help you if you don't even know
who you are, stupid girl.
I'm not stupid.
My name is Alice. I live in London.
I have a mother named Helen
and a sister named Margaret.
My father was Charles Kingsleigh.
He had a vision that stretched
halfway around the world,
and nothing ever stopped him.
I'm his daughter. I'm Alice Kingsleigh.
Alice, at last.
You were just as dim-witted
the first time you were here.
You called it "Wonderland," as I recall.
Wonderland.
- What do you call yourself?
- Alice.
The Alice?
Then I'll take you to the Hare
and the Hatter, but that's the end of it.
McTWISP: She's the right one.
I'm certain of it.
Ah, Thackery, not at the table, please.
Have some tea.
You're not Absolem,
I'm Absolem, stupid girl.
- What is this?
- I'm Tweedledee, he's Tweedledum.
Contrariwise, I'm Tweedledum,
he's Tweedledee.
You'd think she would
remember all this from the first time.
Curiouser and curiouser.
It wasn't a dream at all,
it was a memory.
This place is real,
and so are you and so is the Hatter.
And the Jabberwocky.
Remember, the Vorpal sword
knows what it wants.
All you have to do is hold on to it.
Fairfarren, Alice.
Perhaps I will see you in another life.
- Hello, Iracebeth.
- Hello, Mirana.
On this, the Frabjous Day,
the Queens Red and White
shall send forth their champions
to do battle on their behalf.
Oh, Racie. We don't have to fight.
I know what you're doing.
You think you can blink
those pretty little eyes
and I'll melt,
just like Mummy and Daddy did.
Please.
No! It is my crown! I am the eldest!
Jabberwocky!
This is impossible.
Only if you believe it is.
Sometimes I believe as many as six
impossible things before breakfast.
That is an excellent practice.
However, just at the moment,
you really might want
to focus on the Jabberwocky.
Where's your champion, Sister?
Here.
Hello, Um.
Six impossible things.
Count them, Alice.
One, there's a potion
that can make you shrink.
Two, and a cake
that can make you grow.
So, my old foe,
we meet on the battlefield once again.
We've never met.
Not you, insignificant bearer.
My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.
That's enough chatter.
Three, animals can talk.
Four, Alice,
cats can disappear.
Five,
there's a place called Wonderland.
Six,
I can slay the Jabberwocky.
The Hatter's interfering!
Off with his head!
Off with your head!
Kill her!
We follow you no more,
Bloody Big Head.
How dare you? Off with his head!
Iracebeth of Crims, your crimes
against Underland are worthy of death.
However, that is against my vows,
therefore, you are banished
to the Outlands.
No one is to show you any kindness,
or ever speak a word to you.
You will not have a friend in the world.
Majesty, I hope you bear me no ill will.
Only this one, Ilosovic Stayne,
you are to join Iracebeth in banishment
from this day
until the end of Underland.
At least we have each other.
Majesty, please! Kill me! Please!
But I do not owe you a kindness.
- Take off my head!
- He tried to kill me.
- Majesty! Please! Please!
- He tried to kill me.
- I offer you my head!
- He tried to kill me!
Oh, the Frabjous Day! Callou! Callay!
- What is he doing?
- Futterwacken.
Blood of the Jabberwocky.
You have our everlasting gratitude.
And for your efforts on our behalf...
- Will this take me home?
- If that is what you choose.
You could stay.
What an idea.
A crazy, mad, wonderful idea.
But I can't.
There are questions I have to answer,
things I have to do.
Be back again before you know it.
You won't remember me.
Of course I will. How could I forget?
Hatter, why is a raven
like a writing desk?
I haven't the slightest idea.
Fairfarren, Alice.
She left me standing there
without an answer.
A case of nerves, no doubt.
- Alice.
- Good Lord.
- Are you all right?
- What happened to you?
I fell down a hole and hit my head.
I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you.
You're not the right man for me.
And there's that trouble
with your digestion.
I love you, Margaret, but this is my life.
I'll decide what to do with it.
You're lucky to have my sister
for your wife, Lowell,
and you be good to her.
I'll be watching very closely.
There is no prince, Aunt Imogene.
You need to talk to someone
about these delusions.
I happen to love rabbits,
especially white ones.
Don't worry, Mother,
I'll find something useful
to do with my life.
You two remind me of some funny boys
I met in a dream.
- You've left me out.
- No, I haven't, sir.
You and I have business to discuss.
Shall we speak in the study?
Oh. And one more thing.
My father told me he planned to expand
his trade route to Sumatra and Borneo,
but I don't think
he was looking far enough.
Why not go all the way to China?
It's vast, the culture is rich,
and we have a foothold in Hong Kong.
To be the first to trade with China,
can you imagine it?
You know, if anybody else
had said that to me,
I'd say, "You've lost your senses".
But I've seen that look before.
Well, as you're not going to be
my daughter-in-law,
perhaps you'd consider becoming
an apprentice with the company.
Hello, Absolem.
Tripping out, spinning around
I'm underground
I fell down
Yeah, I fell down
I'm freaking out
Where am I now?
Upside down and I can't stop it now
Can't stop me now
I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry
I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, the ground
Is this real?
Is it pretend?
I'll take a stand until the end
I, I'll get by
I, I'll survive
When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try to stop me
I, I won't cry
Oh, Alice, dear, where have you been?
So near, so far, so in between
What have you heard?
What have you seen?
Alice, Alice, please, Alice
Oh, tell us, are you big or small?
To try this one or try them all
It's such a long, long way to fall
Alice, Alice, oh, Alice
How can you know this way, not that?
You choose the door
You choose the path
Perhaps you should be coming back
Another day, another day
And nothing is quite what it seems
You're dreaming
Are you dreaming?
Oh, Alice
Oh, Alice
Oh!
Oh, how will you find your way?
Oh, how will you find your way?
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
No time for tears today
So many doors, how did you choose?
So much to gain, so much to lose
So many things got in your way
No time today, no time today
Be careful not to lose your head
Remember what the dormouse said
Alice!
Did someone pull you by the hand?
How many miles to Wonderland?
Please tell us so we'll understand
Alice, Alice, oh, Alice
Oh, how will you find your way?
Oh, how will you find your way?