Alien Apocalypse (2005) Movie Script
In the beginning,
there was the
heavens and the earth.
And it was green.
And the land was
fertile and abundant
with vast forests and
millions of trees.
And it was good.
Trees of every
sort and variety,
enormous Douglas firs,
mighty oaks, giant redwoods,
and fragrant pines.
One could walk for miles
under the canopy
of the great woods,
not knowing if it was
daylight or twilight.
But that was long ago,
before the invasion and
the infestation and the mites.
A plague of misery
had befallen us.
We, the chosen
people of Earth,
humans were
shackled in bondage.
Okay, let's get it moving.
Go on, step up.
Keep moving, move.
You know,
I was just wondering.
What now, doctor?
I was just wondering if
there were as many doctors
practicing now
as when we left.
Why is that,
pray tell?
Well, it's the old theory
of supply and demand.
I mean, if there are more,
then I can't charge as much
'cause the rates go down.
But if there aren't as many,
I can charge whatever I want.
Whatever the market will bear.
There is no market, and there
are no doctors here, right?
Then my services will be
in great demand, won't they?
Hey, civilization
has been destroyed.
Why else wouldn't they have
made radio contact, huh?
'Cause everything's gone,
that's why.
In the 40 years we've
been in cryogenic sleep,
the world was been decimated
and we're all gonna die.
Boy, did you wake up on the
wrong side of the capsule.
Why don't you
can it, lieutenant?
Just take a break.
What are you
talking about, doc?
Have I told you lately
that you look terrific
in a flight suit?
Not in the 20 years
since we placed the probe.
Well, you do.
And I won't wait 20 more
to tell you that again.
My neck hurts.
You probably slept
in the wrong position
for the past
five or six years.
Remind me, I'll
give you an adjustment.
Where was I?
- Supply and demand.
- Ah yes.
Oh brother, here we go again.
Well, come on, astronauts
might be a dime a dozen
in the future.
Everyone might have a
spaceship in their backyard.
Right, and everyone might
have a medical degree too.
The average person might
know more about medicine
than you ever learned.
Aha, what do you
say to that, doctor?
I say that's the way
I got it worked out.
My services will be
at a high premium.
Okay?
In fact, osteopaths will be
in greater demand than MD's.
My current theory is that
the world will be a utopia,
excluding MD's, of course,
and I'll be known as
The Great Healer.
What, don't you have
confidence in my abilities?
No, I don't think it
matters what you think.
Nothing ever works out
the way it's supposed to.
And neither will
any of your theories.
What I think, people,
is that we're all breathing
high levels of radiation.
And we'll all be
dead by nightfall.
You must be a fun date.
Anyway, in utopia,
which is now,
I will be known as
The Great Healer.
I'll charge exorbitant fees.
Sickness will be eradicated,
and everyone will be happy.
Which leads me
to my next theory.
Holy mackerel, this is
gonna be a long future.
Zip it, doctor.
Wasn't Portland in
the middle of the woods?
Yeah, I thought so.
I told you so.
What else could kill
all the trees like that?
It's radiation.
Radiation, we're all
getting cancer right now.
I can feel it.
I can feel my skin burning.
Ow.
What did you do that for?
I didn't do anything.
Come on, step up.
Move it.
What the hell is that?
It's utopia.
Let's get the
hell out of here.
Yeah.
They sure dress funny.
Yeah.
My name is
Captain Chuck Burkes,
United States Air Force.
Greetings.
What did you say?
Uh, greetings.
We're friends.
He did it again.
He sure did.
I don't know where you're
from with your funny clothes,
but you don't never talk to us!
Never!
Come on.
Aida, get down.
Get back!
Move it, move it!
Our sense of hope
was almost gone.
We had nothing worthwhile
to believe in.
But that was all
soon to change.
That was the day
the doctor appeared.
He came forth from the desert
to heal humanity's wounds,
to teach us once again to
stand up straight as men,
to set us free.
Come on, move it!
Move!
Do you hear me?
I said move!
Move it, move it!
Move it, move it!
Stop, slaves.
What you got?
A puny lot.
They were strong enough
to run through Portland.
They can stack
the damn wood.
These ones here are
strangely dressed.
Must be from a
different district.
A different district?
Wow, that must be good.
We're in luck.
Yeah, let's go tell the mites.
Or should we wait?
Nah, they're not gonna
bite our heads off.
Don't you do nothing with
these till we get back.
Take these three over
to the loading dock
and get 'em working.
Get moving, slaves.
Come on.
Go on.
Come on.
Go on.
You can't stop working.
That holds up the whole show.
Then I get in trouble,
so now you're in trouble.
Hey hey!
Get back to work!
Come on, let's go!
Come on!
Move it!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Move!
Get going, move!
Come on!
Unmask them.
Unmask them now.
Tell me now, who are you?
I said, tell me now.
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who am I?
I am the leader, the
leader of this district.
Leader?
You're not even human.
No, nor would I ever
want to be a human.
Now, tell me now what
district are you from?
Be quick.
I'm from Michigan.
Michigan.
That is a district quite
far away from here.
Where are you from?
Oregon, we are in Oregon.
No no no,
you're not from Earth.
What planet are you from?
There, does that
help you to understand?
Yeah, that was funny.
Look, I want some answers
and I want them now.
What's going on, what are
you aliens doing here?
He does not have the
respect for his superiors
that all humans
naturally come by.
That cannot be allowed,
never allowed.
Stop it.
That is our favorite
delicacy next to wood.
Never tempt us.
Now, where are you from?
We're astronauts.
We've been in space
for 40 years.
We put a probe
in deep space.
Yes, we passed this
probe on our way here.
We did not stop to
check its message.
Do your work well
and you will live.
That is your only choice.
Come on!
You're really not
from another district?
You're really from outer space?
By Jupiter, that's better
than another district.
We done real good.
Yeah, we might get
promoted for this.
But you're working for the
aliens and against the humans.
Yeah, sure.
It's a lot better
than being a slave.
You're not helping things
here, you're hurting them.
What do you mean?
I mean, if you're not
part of the solution,
you're part of the problem.
Shut up.
Go on, get in there.
What do we do now, lieutenant?
We befriend them.
We get them to trust us.
Ah, good point.
How?
Let's introduce ourselves.
Hi. Hi.
You're doing great.
They love you.
How about this, how about we
go sit near the biggest fire.
And if they all run away,
at least we're sitting
by the biggest fire.
That's better than
your first plan.
Do you mind if we sit down?
You're already sitting.
What's your name?
Jeff, what's yours?
I'm Ivan, and this is Kelly.
What do you want?
Some food would be nice.
It's all gone.
Where are you from?
Well, we're astronauts.
We just came back
from a space mission.
We've been gone for 40 years.
The probe mission.
Yeah, how'd you know?
It says so on your uniforms.
I remember when the probe
mission was going on.
I was pretty young at the time.
Really?
Yeah, before the invasion.
When exactly was the invasion?
Oh, 20 years ago now.
I'm one from the few left
that still counts the time.
What are these
aliens doing here?
Wood.
They're here for wood?
Uh huh.
It's like gold or
diamonds to them.
I guess their planet
don't have no wood.
They ship it back for profit.
Supply and demand, you know?
Oh, I'm familiar
with that theory,
and it's a very good one.
Yep, wood's what this
whole damn thing's about.
Who'd have thunk it?
They eat it too.
- Who's that?
- That's Alex.
He's a real bright kid.
Got a pencil and paper
and knows how to write.
I taught him.
Go ahead, show 'em.
He lost a finger today,
so he's a little shy.
What's with all the fingers?
Every time you
escape and get caught,
you lose a finger.
Yeah well, you lose any more,
you're gonna be scratching
your ass with a wooden spoon.
When I lose enough
of them, I can't work.
Then you're dead.
Let me see your hand.
Go on, show him your hand.
Anyway, the aliens
got camps like this
in every wooded parts
of the world.
They're slowly but surely
stripping all the
trees on Earth.
And they ain't
planting any new ones.
How'd it happen?
They dropped bombs
before they got here.
Kinda like neutron bombs,
killed the people, but
didn't hurt the trees.
Then they landed and
executed most everyone else,
except for the few they put
to work in the mills, like me.
I'm the oldest one here.
How old are you?
Oh, I guess I'm just 35 now.
Very few make it to my age.
The work kills them.
I like to work, though.
It keeps me young.
Yeah, just like the
fountain of youth.
What about hope?
Hope?
Well, sure.
They give us one
day off a month
and double rations
every other Sunday.
That's their holy day,
when they pray to the
giant termite in the sky.
No, I'm talking about
hope for freedom.
The president lives.
The president,
the president of what?
Of the United States.
Oh, please.
It's true, the president
and all of his men.
It's the senators
he's talking about.
They escaped to a special
bomb shelter in the mountains.
They live.
They're putting together
a fighting force
of escaped slaves to begin
a revolution for freedom.
And you've been waiting
for this for how long?
Since the bombs fell from the sky,
and the dark time came.
20 years.
If old President Demsky's coming,
he's taking his time.
Don't talk like that, old man.
That's blasphemy.
Demsky wasn't even
a good president.
Republicans, sheesh.
But he lives,
and he'll lead
us all to freedom.
Freedom!
Freedom!
20 years is a long time.
I don't think we should
wait for this guy.
Me neither.
I say we tunnel out of here.
Right.
Okay, we'll work in shifts.
And then we'll get
out of here in no time.
How do you get a pair
of gloves in this place?
You gotta wait
until someone dies.
Then take 'em.
That usually don't
take too long.
Charming.
Come on, get ahold of that.
Get it up there.
Move it, move it, move it.
Come on, keep it going.
You over there,
what are you doing?
Get going!
Keep it moving.
Come on!
- Hey!
- What are you looking at?
Keep it going.
Come on, everybody,
keep working!
You!
Yeah, you over there.
Pick it up.
Move, move, move, move!
Get it up there.
Knock it off.
Come on.
Stay away from him.
Let him alone.
Come on, pick it up.
Keep going.
You, go.
Prepare the body now.
You two, come with me.
Come on.
- Over here.
- Me.
- Get out of my way.
- Look out.
- What about me?
- Watch out.
Let me.
So sad to see how
low people can get.
Yeah, it is.
I'm glad you guys
finally made it back.
Come on girl, come on.
Come on, over here.
All right, let's move it.
Go on.
Get going.
Come on, move out.
All right, let's move it,
come on.
Come on!
You, tell the leader
there will be more food.
Go.
- It's mine, it's mine!
- It's mine!
Hey, gimme.
It's food.
Come on, give me, it's food.
Give it to me.
Stop standing around.
Work!
Move, move, move, move!
Get it up.
Keep it going.
Work it!
Yeah, I want you to
move it over there.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's not your problem.
No!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Stop standing around,
get back to work.
You, get going.
Work it!
Freedom!
It's your fingers, kid.
- Well, all right.
- Welcome aboard.
Thanks.
You, what are you doing?
They die?
Everything dies.
What's going on here?
Hey, what's with those two?
Somebody get him.
Get the horses.
Let's get 'em!
Get after 'em!
Come on, move it.
Move it, everybody.
Mount 'em up!
What happened here?
Tell me what happened.
Hyah, come on, hyah.
Go!
Out of the way!
Let's split up.
- Okay.
- Come on,
they're just up here!
Keep moving!
Come on!
Over there!
Hyah!
Come on, we got 'em!
We got 'em!
We got 'em.
Get her.
That oughta do it.
You won't be going
anywhere real soon.
Hyah, come on!
Come on!
Oh, come on with this.
You stupid piece of.
They're dead.
That's for sure.
Hey, over here.
Have we met?
I don't think so.
This is really weird.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure,
unless you're at least
50 years old.
My name is Bizzi.
Hi, I'm Ivan.
I'm Alex.
Hi.
Hey, thanks for
saving our lives.
Did you just escape
from the sawmill?
Yeah.
Why are you wearing
such funny clothes?
He's from outer space.
Are you an alien?
Do I look like an alien?
No.
No, no, no, I'm from Earth.
I'm a doctor.
Oh, what's a doctor?
You don't know
what a doctor is?
I help people.
Oh, how sweet.
Follow me.
Never heard of doctors.
I could still become
The Great Healer.
Hey Bizzi, what you got there?
He's a doctor.
He looks like a
spaceman or something.
Just so happens
I am a spaceman.
He says he's a spaceman.
This fella says
he's a spaceman.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
Yeah, I'm a spaceman,
thank you.
Hello.
Second Lieutenant Ivan Hood, D.O.
Who are you?
I'm Isaac.
I'm the leader of
Freedom Valley.
Nice to meet you.
What are you doing?
It's a greeting.
Ah.
So now, are you
really a spaceman?
As a matter of fact I am.
NASA probe mission.
I just saw the bounty hunters
carrying away a woman
dressed like you.
Was she all right?
She was knocked out,
but breathing.
Thank goodness.
What does D.O. mean?
I'm a doctor of Osteopathy.
Does that mean you're a
doctor for animals or humans?
Osteopathy is the study of
slugs and their mating habits.
Oh really?
I've always been
interested in slugs.
How do they mate?
Very carefully.
I'm kidding, it's a joke.
An osteopath is a
doctor for the people.
Can I show you?
Turn around.
Just relax.
All right, breathe in,
out.
In,
out.
Thank you.
That feels fine.
No problem, you'll get my bill.
Anyone else has a problem,
just come talk to me.
Matter of fact, you can think
of me as the great healer.
Well, here in Freedom Valley,
we welcome any human,
no matter where he escaped from.
You may live here in peace
for the rest of your days.
Wait a minute.
See, I got a friend of
mine back at the sawmill.
I gotta get her out of there.
I need your help.
We in Freedom Valley
do not fight.
We live in peace
with everything.
Yeah, except the aliens
and the bounty hunters.
This is one of the
very few settlements
of humans left on Earth.
We're not looking for trouble.
You don't have to look,
it's already here.
Now this president of yours,
what's his name, Kempsky?
You're trying to trick us.
President Demsky was
after the probe mission.
You were in deep space
when he was elected.
Knock it off, old man.
Look, I'm probably
twice your age.
Now look,
back at the sawmill,
all the slaves were talking
about President Demsky.
Where is he?
He's putting together a
fighting force of slaves
in the Cascade Mountains.
He's a myth.
He died with everyone
else in the Capitol.
No, he didn't.
The president lives.
I've spoken with a guy who
knew someone who saw him.
He lives.
The president lives!
The president lives!
The Cascade Mountains
aren't that far away.
I'll just go find him.
No, you can't.
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't.
The bounty hunters will
track you down and kill you.
That's a pretty good one.
You know, those
bounty hunters are fags.
I can get past them.
You will be killed.
Oh, you're a hopeful bunch,
I'll tell ya.
You know what,
I don't give a damn.
I got nothing to lose.
I'll either find this president,
or I'll prove he doesn't exist.
And if he does exist,
I'm coming back here
with his fighting force
and we're gonna
take on these aliens
and we're gonna
free my friend
and all the other
slaves at the sawmill.
You say you're free
here at Freedom Valley.
That's a boatload of crap.
You're just prisoners
in a bigger cage.
Now who will
join me in my quest?
I will.
Me too.
Well, at least there's
two among you with courage.
But, Bizzi,
we were gonna be married.
There are more
important things to do now.
Don't you see?
The doctor was sent here to
lead us to the president.
I don't think so.
I think he'll
lead you to your doom.
We'll let you know
when we get back.
Can we stay the night?
Of course.
Thank you.
I'm glad you guys
finally made it back.
Man, she looked a lot
better before we started.
Yeah, too bad we had to beat her
with the damn mites watching.
I'd like to have
done a spacegirl.
Ha, she'll get better.
Then we'll both do her.
Yosemite, you sure
did her up royal.
The mites was watching.
Well,
now she and the other spaceman
killed one of the mites.
I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, me neither.
They die just like us.
Except green crap comes out.
Yeah, come on.
Where am I?
You're safe.
You're with us.
Where's Ivan?
He got away.
So did Alex.
Thank God.
No one has ever killed
one of the mites before.
It's got everyone thinking.
I saw the doc that
killed one of the aliens.
So we set out to
find the president.
But some people
did not believe.
The three of us were convinced
that he was up there,
somewhere.
So much killing.
Come on slaves, move it.
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Bizzi, you got a knife?
Oh, just make it
quick, will ya?
I don't suppose we have
anything antiseptic with us,
do we?
Like alcohol?
Potato liquor?
Oh, that'll do.
Smooth.
- Here, drink this.
- Huh?
Drink, it'll kill the pain.
Why do you want me to drink
if you're gonna
stick me with a knife?
Because I'm a sadist.
Now come on, drink up.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Okay, let's hold him down.
Alex, take his hands.
Bizzi, take his feet.
What you gonna do?
I'm gonna operate.
What's that?
Well, you,
just watch.
Oh, you could
cut my finger off.
You could cut
all my fingers off.
I'll work in the mill, please.
Oh God!
There we go.
Good as new.
You want this as a souvenir?
Ain't you gonna kill me?
He's a doctor.
He's just gonna heal you.
A doctor?
There ain't no doctors no more.
Oh, yes there is.
And I'm it.
Are you some kind
of spaceman too?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Okay, let's go.
Just clean that every so
often and you'll be fine.
Wait.
Where are you going?
To find the president.
The president, he lives!
He'll bring freedom to us all!
That's what we keep hearing.
We're gonna find him.
Can I come with you?
Sure, what's your name?
Tyler.
Tippecanoe and Tyler too.
What?
A long time ago there was
a president named Tyler, see?
And he.
Oh, forget it.
- Tyler, you think you can walk?
- Sure sure, I feel great.
Come on, let's go.
That's my kind of guy.
Let's go make friends.
How you doin'?
Nobody move or you're dead.
What do you want?
We wanna make friends.
You want my fish.
Well, we wouldn't mind sharing them.
What are you offering?
Friendship.
Friendship, huh?
What are you doing here?
We're looking for the president.
The president.
The president's dead.
Are you sure?
No.
Are you sure he's alive?
No, but we're gonna find out.
The president lives!
Hey hey, can we stop with
that president lives crap, okay?
You're not slogan
repeating slaves anymore.
You're free people.
Start acting like it.
All right, I'm with you.
I like the way you talk.
Besides, I don't have
any bullets anyway.
And you can have
all the fish you want
as long as there's water around.
I catch 'em, but I don't
much like eating them.
My name's Bob.
Welcome aboard, Bob.
Okay, I gotta stop doing that.
Let's make a fire
and eat some fish.
You know, there were so
many things in this world
that I always
took for granted.
And now that they're gone,
I miss 'em.
Like what?
Well, like they had
these restaurants.
People called them
greasy spoons.
And you could go in there
and get eggs, toast,
hash brown,
and coffee for $9.99.
The waitress would
come around four times
and ask you if
everything was all right
and then forget
to give you coffee.
And scanning up and
down the radio dial
looking for a good song
and only finding ones
that you don't like,
like basketball.
Even though my team never won.
We never got in the playoffs.
Your crappy TV shows,
I don't know.
Are you sorry that you're here?
I don't know.
It's just that
nothing ever seems to go
the way you think it's gonna.
I mean, I finally fall in love,
or at least I think I have,
and I get away
and she gets caught.
I always wanted to
be a doctor, though.
Ever since I was a kid,
I'd watch doctor shows
on TV and think to myself
hey, I wanna be like that guy.
What's TV?
None of your damn business.
Of course, my grades
weren't good enough.
So I went into the Air Force,
thought maybe I could
fly jets and helicopters.
But no, my grades weren't
good enough for that either.
Luckily, they put me
through osteopathic school.
Of course, all the MD's
made fun of the DO's
'cause they thought
they were quacks.
And then I joined that
stupid space probe mission,
mainly 'cause all
the real doctors
didn't wanna be
gone for 40 years.
But I thought I'd come back
a hero to a better place.
But no!
Sometimes I just think that
God or fate or whatever
is just cruel because
no matter what you want,
it's never what you get.
And you know,
I have a theory about that too.
Whoa.
Whoa, we can't
come back empty handed.
We'll be in trouble for sure.
I don't wanna hang
around this area.
There's hostiles here.
A bounty hunter got killed
around here just a few weeks ago.
You're just yellow.
I ain't afraid of no slaves.
Hey, there's something
moving in those woods.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Don't do it.
I'm telling you.
I know you're in there.
Get out of there
before I blow you away!
I said get out of there!
You killed me!
You gone and killed me.
You gone and killed me.
You're not dead.
I won't let you die even though
you deserve it, you traitor.
Traitor?
Traitor to what?
To humanity.
I don't get ya.
Yeah, and that's the problem.
All right, look,
I'll make you a deal.
I'll save your life if you
stop working for the aliens
and come with us.
How can you save my life?
I just can.
Now do we have a deal?
Yeah sure, we got a deal.
Why do you even bother with him?
He's a stinking bounty hunter.
Because he's a human,
and humans have the
ability to change.
Bizzi, you got any
more of that liquor?
If the doctor says so,
then it's true.
I'll drink to that.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Okay, we are not
prepared to climb that.
No.
Anybody have any ideas?
Who are you?
We're friends
and fellow humans.
Who says?
See, I ain't hardly human,
and you are not my friends.
We could be.
And if I blow your head off,
would you still be my friend?
You're not gonna shoot me.
I'm not, huh?
How do you know?
I just know.
Ain't you just a little scared?
Not even a little.
I'm Ivan.
I'm a doctor.
A doctor?
What's that?
I heal people.
Oh, yeah?
I got taken to folks like
you when I was little.
Didn't do me no good, though.
You were taken to
doctors or to healers?
To folks who said God
healed through them.
Just as I suspected.
So,
what are you all doing up here?
We just came to the mountain
to find the president.
The president, why?
He's putting together
a fighting force
to overtake the aliens
and make the Earth free
for all humans.
The president lives,
the president lives!
Hey, hey, hey!
No kidding.
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about the president,
would you?
It depends on which
president you mean.
I may know a different one.
Demsky's the one
they're talking about.
Sure, I know where he is.
You do?
I'll take you there.
Then we can all join the
fighting force together.
The tanks and the howitzers
for the president's fighting
force are hidden over here.
Made you look.
Hey, Demsky.
Get out here, you got visitors.
Hey, Demsky?
What, are you two on
the same bowling team?
That's great,
you're a funny guy.
By the way,
what's bowling?
Who have you
betrayed us to now?
Who?
You deformed dwarf.
Up yours, you old fart.
Go get Demsky.
Don't tell me what to do.
I'm the senior senator
from New York.
Who's this?
You're nothing now, so move.
Get Demsky.
Boy, if only they could
pass bills that fast.
So this is it,
The whole Washington D.C. bunch.
Senators, congressmen, judges.
Look at 'em.
Rats with beady
little pink eyes.
They come to me
begging for meat.
Please, please, please.
Who's in charge now, huh?
Shut up, dwarf.
Up yours.
Mr. President,
this disgusting creature
has brought us
outsiders, intruders.
You were on the probe mission?
Yes, sir, I was.
Probe mission, probe mission.
Why is everyone so interested?
It was the probe that
is the reason why we're alive.
Their warning allowed a
few of us to seek shelter.
Well, it's nice to know
our efforts weren't wasted.
Listen, Mr. President,
I am here leading a
group of escaped slaves
that want to join
your fighting force.
Fighting force?
Yeah, the one that's
gonna battle the aliens
in the upcoming rebellion.
Rebellion, what rebellion?
The one that you're leading.
The one that plenty of
slaves I've talked to believe in.
I'm not leading a rebellion.
I'm not leading anything.
But these people believe in you.
What the hell am I
supposed to do about it?
Lead 'em to victory.
There can't be a victory
against these disgusting vermin.
You can't fight them.
Have you tried?
Well, have you seen them?
It's no way.
What are you talking about?
I've killed them myself.
They die just like anything else,
only a little louder.
And they spew green crap.
I mean, look at that.
That's not coming out.
But you didn't tell us
you killed an alien.
Well big deal,
it's not that hard.
I mean a rock or an
arrow is all you need.
I used a drill bit.
Mr. President, the time is now.
No, no.
It won't be me.
I've given all I can give.
I have no more.
I'm through.
My friend,
the woman I love is being held
captive back at the sawmill
and I have to get her out.
If none of you are even
thinking about fighting back,
then you've just given up.
Well, I haven't.
I'm gonna keep fighting back,
and any of you that wish
to join me, you're welcome.
Mr. President, someone's
got to lead this rebellion,
and if it's not gonna be you,
then it might as well be me.
I say freedom for humans, freedom!
Freedom!
Okay, look, I changed my mind.
All together now, freedom!
Freedom, freedom, freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Hey, what are you doing?
Get back to work.
I'm warning you.
All right, two of you guys,
go get him.
The guy's cracking up.
The rest of you get back to work.
What are you looking at?
After so long believing
that the president
would lead us to victory,
there was nothing left
to do but go back.
Well doctor,
I wish you the best of
luck with your rebellion.
I'll catch you later.
But I thought you joined us.
Nope, I just took you
where I said I'd take you.
That you did.
Thank you.
- Bill.
- Yeah?
Before you go,
would you let me
try and help you?
I don't have any
medical equipment,
but I still think I
can do you some good.
Nah, it's been tried.
Let me try.
Just relax.
Breathe in.
Out.
In,
out.
In,
out.
Oh
my God!
Oh, my God.
See, you're not even that short.
I don't think you qualify
as a dwarf or a midget.
Thank you.
Thank you, doctor.
You're welcome,
don't mention it.
It was nice to meet you.
Well, catch you on the flip flop.
Wait, can I go with ya?
- But you just said...
- Please?
Sure, hop on board, chief.
Glad to have you.
Okay.
Gather around, we have news.
But their beliefs,
their hope, their faith.
Is misplaced and
they should know it.
Gather around, everyone.
We have news of the president.
The president lives!
The president does in fact live.
The president lives!
He lives, but there
is no fighting force.
No rebellion.
But the president will
lead us all to freedom.
No, he won't.
As he said himself,
he leads nothing.
Look, I hate to break it to you,
but the president
is just an old man
who stares out the window.
He is alive, yes, but
he may as well be dead.
But what about freedom?
Freedom will only come to humans
a long as humans are willing
to fight for freedom.
You have no president to pin
your hopes on, only yourselves.
The only rebel army is standing
right there in front of you.
Now we will fight for freedom.
And if any of you are
willing to join us, join now.
But there's not enough of us.
If one person is
willing to stand up
and fight for what's right,
that's enough.
But as long as you hide
here in the this valley
and wait for someone
to bring you freedom,
you are still slaves.
Freedom only comes to those who
are willing to fight for it.
Now who will join us?
Please, you're my people.
We need you, you must join us.
This is stupid.
There's not enough
of us to do anything.
I'm going fishing.
You know what, go ahead and go.
I'll be the whole rebel
army myself if I have to.
I've come back to
a world of cowards.
I'd rather die fighting
than be any part of this.
Adios.
Kelly,
just be okay.
Mind your own damn business, boy.
What's wrong?
He just raped Bizzi.
I tried to stop him,
but I couldn't.
Is that true?
What of it?
She's used to it.
She's a slave.
That's how it's done here.
Not here it isn't.
You think you have
something real special, huh?
You're all just escaped slaves.
You're gonna get caught
or killed tomorrow anyhow.
What's the difference?
The difference is we're
free now, and we have laws.
And we treat eachother
with respect.
Oh yeah?
Drop dead.
I'm going back to the sawmill
and tell 'em where you are
right now.
Hey, scumbag,
you forgot something.
What?
You said you're a doctor.
You're supposed to heal people.
I am.
Your stupidity is terminal.
And now you're cured.
Try and get some sleep, everybody.
Tomorrow's gonna be a rough day.
I'm sorry.
Ready.
Aim.
Fire!
Charge!
Charge!
Ivan!
Fall back!
Come on, let's go.
Go!
Fall back, fall back!
Come on, get inside, everybody.
Inside, come on!
Hey, let me in.
Hey, come on!
Charge!
I'm so glad you're alive.
Kill them, kill them!
Kill, kill, kill!
Kill, kill, kill!
Kill, kill, kill!
What do we do with them?
I know, let's just
kill them bastards.
Let's throw them into the fire!
Let's butcher 'em!
Let's cut 'em into pieces
and feed 'em to the fish!
No!
Let's ask the doctor.
These are the first
moments of freedom
many of you have ever experienced.
I don't think this is the right
time to be executing anyone,
alien or human.
What do we do with 'em?
It's up to you.
You're humans just like us.
You can join us if you want.
But you're gonna have to
convince us that you mean it.
Let 'em think it over.
Put 'em in the guardhouse.
- Come on, guys.
- Do what the doctor says.
Come on, move it, move it.
All right, take it easy.
Aren't you the wise leader?
You can just call me
The Great Healer.
Yeah, Great Healer, just kiss me.
That's Mr. Great Healer to you.
Hey, hey. He said we could
take the sawmill, and we did.
The doctor knows what
he's talking about.
Look at me.
He cured me.
He took us to see the president.
The president lives!
The president lives!
The president,
the president is just an
old man sitting in his chair.
He's a coward.
That's why the doctor
led the attack himself.
He chose not to kill them
bastard bounty hunters.
He must be a just man
because I would have
killed them in a second.
He killed one last night,
one he had already saved.
He gives life,
and he takes it away.
Right before he came
out of the desert,
I saw a shooting star
in the daylight sky.
I think it was a sign from heaven.
All our troubles are over.
Heaven on Earth is here.
Take cover, something's coming!
Prepare to fight!
Humans, give up immediately.
Do not attempt resistance.
You are defeated.
You like wood so much, eat this!
Look out!
Never before have we
encountered an armed revolt.
I will have to make very sure
that this never occurs again.
Which of you incited this?
Who is your leader?
If I don't get an
answer immediately,
I will be forced to
kill all of you.
Kill all of you.
Now speak up.
I suspect that it is you.
I'm the leader,
thank you very much.
You.
No, I'm the leader.
No, I'm the leader.
No, it's me.
Heck, no, I've always
been the leader here.
I'm the leader.
- No, it's me.
- No, actually,
I'm the leader.
- No, I'm the leader.
- No, I'm the leader.
You humans have more integrity
than I ever suspected.
I ought to kill
all of you right now.
Kill you now.
But I will use my
own best judgment.
I believe you and I sentence
you to be executed immediately.
No!
No!
No, no, no!
No!
No!
My judgment was correct.
You are their leader.
- You are their leader.
- Yes, I am.
But I won't be the last.
Humans will rise up
against your tyranny
and kill every last
one of you slimy bugs.
I do not think so, human.
You are the troublemaker.
Humans are naturally a timid breed
and best suited to subservience.
You are an exception.
Kill him now.
Ready, charge!
Ready, charge!
Doctor.
You seem to have changed
your mind since we last spoke.
Yes, you changed it.
Thank you.
Your timing was impeccable.
Now if you'll forgive me,
I think I have to lie down.
Tell everyone to get some rest.
We go to a new
sawmill tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
That soon.
Yes, that soon.
The battle isn't over
until we've won,
until every last alien is dead.
Get it?
Got it.
Good.
The doctor told us that
living in Freedom Valley
was hiding from reality,
not facing it.
And he was right.
He laid his hands on
me, and I was cured.
Yeah, he cut a bullet
right out of my gut.
I wouldn't even be here
if it wasn't for him.
And he told me if I
was ever in a canoe,
I shouldn't tip it, and
that's certainly good advice.
When we first met,
I already knew him.
He got me to believe
that life is worth living
and worth fighting for!
- Yeah!
- God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
The doctor had indeed
led us to freedom.
And the next day, we moved
on toward another sawmill.
And after another
desperate battle,
we freed that sawmill too,
and the next, and the next.
We went on to liberate
all the sawmills
in the Pacific Northwest.
And now we're
heading back south
to free the humans
of California.
It looks like there's
no stopping us.
Soon all the humans
of Earth will be free
and we owe it to the doctor.
Our liberator.
Or as he has become
known over the course
of many bloody battles,
waged and won with
multitudes of aliens killed,
The Great Exterminator.
there was the
heavens and the earth.
And it was green.
And the land was
fertile and abundant
with vast forests and
millions of trees.
And it was good.
Trees of every
sort and variety,
enormous Douglas firs,
mighty oaks, giant redwoods,
and fragrant pines.
One could walk for miles
under the canopy
of the great woods,
not knowing if it was
daylight or twilight.
But that was long ago,
before the invasion and
the infestation and the mites.
A plague of misery
had befallen us.
We, the chosen
people of Earth,
humans were
shackled in bondage.
Okay, let's get it moving.
Go on, step up.
Keep moving, move.
You know,
I was just wondering.
What now, doctor?
I was just wondering if
there were as many doctors
practicing now
as when we left.
Why is that,
pray tell?
Well, it's the old theory
of supply and demand.
I mean, if there are more,
then I can't charge as much
'cause the rates go down.
But if there aren't as many,
I can charge whatever I want.
Whatever the market will bear.
There is no market, and there
are no doctors here, right?
Then my services will be
in great demand, won't they?
Hey, civilization
has been destroyed.
Why else wouldn't they have
made radio contact, huh?
'Cause everything's gone,
that's why.
In the 40 years we've
been in cryogenic sleep,
the world was been decimated
and we're all gonna die.
Boy, did you wake up on the
wrong side of the capsule.
Why don't you
can it, lieutenant?
Just take a break.
What are you
talking about, doc?
Have I told you lately
that you look terrific
in a flight suit?
Not in the 20 years
since we placed the probe.
Well, you do.
And I won't wait 20 more
to tell you that again.
My neck hurts.
You probably slept
in the wrong position
for the past
five or six years.
Remind me, I'll
give you an adjustment.
Where was I?
- Supply and demand.
- Ah yes.
Oh brother, here we go again.
Well, come on, astronauts
might be a dime a dozen
in the future.
Everyone might have a
spaceship in their backyard.
Right, and everyone might
have a medical degree too.
The average person might
know more about medicine
than you ever learned.
Aha, what do you
say to that, doctor?
I say that's the way
I got it worked out.
My services will be
at a high premium.
Okay?
In fact, osteopaths will be
in greater demand than MD's.
My current theory is that
the world will be a utopia,
excluding MD's, of course,
and I'll be known as
The Great Healer.
What, don't you have
confidence in my abilities?
No, I don't think it
matters what you think.
Nothing ever works out
the way it's supposed to.
And neither will
any of your theories.
What I think, people,
is that we're all breathing
high levels of radiation.
And we'll all be
dead by nightfall.
You must be a fun date.
Anyway, in utopia,
which is now,
I will be known as
The Great Healer.
I'll charge exorbitant fees.
Sickness will be eradicated,
and everyone will be happy.
Which leads me
to my next theory.
Holy mackerel, this is
gonna be a long future.
Zip it, doctor.
Wasn't Portland in
the middle of the woods?
Yeah, I thought so.
I told you so.
What else could kill
all the trees like that?
It's radiation.
Radiation, we're all
getting cancer right now.
I can feel it.
I can feel my skin burning.
Ow.
What did you do that for?
I didn't do anything.
Come on, step up.
Move it.
What the hell is that?
It's utopia.
Let's get the
hell out of here.
Yeah.
They sure dress funny.
Yeah.
My name is
Captain Chuck Burkes,
United States Air Force.
Greetings.
What did you say?
Uh, greetings.
We're friends.
He did it again.
He sure did.
I don't know where you're
from with your funny clothes,
but you don't never talk to us!
Never!
Come on.
Aida, get down.
Get back!
Move it, move it!
Our sense of hope
was almost gone.
We had nothing worthwhile
to believe in.
But that was all
soon to change.
That was the day
the doctor appeared.
He came forth from the desert
to heal humanity's wounds,
to teach us once again to
stand up straight as men,
to set us free.
Come on, move it!
Move!
Do you hear me?
I said move!
Move it, move it!
Move it, move it!
Stop, slaves.
What you got?
A puny lot.
They were strong enough
to run through Portland.
They can stack
the damn wood.
These ones here are
strangely dressed.
Must be from a
different district.
A different district?
Wow, that must be good.
We're in luck.
Yeah, let's go tell the mites.
Or should we wait?
Nah, they're not gonna
bite our heads off.
Don't you do nothing with
these till we get back.
Take these three over
to the loading dock
and get 'em working.
Get moving, slaves.
Come on.
Go on.
Come on.
Go on.
You can't stop working.
That holds up the whole show.
Then I get in trouble,
so now you're in trouble.
Hey hey!
Get back to work!
Come on, let's go!
Come on!
Move it!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Move!
Get going, move!
Come on!
Unmask them.
Unmask them now.
Tell me now, who are you?
I said, tell me now.
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who am I?
I am the leader, the
leader of this district.
Leader?
You're not even human.
No, nor would I ever
want to be a human.
Now, tell me now what
district are you from?
Be quick.
I'm from Michigan.
Michigan.
That is a district quite
far away from here.
Where are you from?
Oregon, we are in Oregon.
No no no,
you're not from Earth.
What planet are you from?
There, does that
help you to understand?
Yeah, that was funny.
Look, I want some answers
and I want them now.
What's going on, what are
you aliens doing here?
He does not have the
respect for his superiors
that all humans
naturally come by.
That cannot be allowed,
never allowed.
Stop it.
That is our favorite
delicacy next to wood.
Never tempt us.
Now, where are you from?
We're astronauts.
We've been in space
for 40 years.
We put a probe
in deep space.
Yes, we passed this
probe on our way here.
We did not stop to
check its message.
Do your work well
and you will live.
That is your only choice.
Come on!
You're really not
from another district?
You're really from outer space?
By Jupiter, that's better
than another district.
We done real good.
Yeah, we might get
promoted for this.
But you're working for the
aliens and against the humans.
Yeah, sure.
It's a lot better
than being a slave.
You're not helping things
here, you're hurting them.
What do you mean?
I mean, if you're not
part of the solution,
you're part of the problem.
Shut up.
Go on, get in there.
What do we do now, lieutenant?
We befriend them.
We get them to trust us.
Ah, good point.
How?
Let's introduce ourselves.
Hi. Hi.
You're doing great.
They love you.
How about this, how about we
go sit near the biggest fire.
And if they all run away,
at least we're sitting
by the biggest fire.
That's better than
your first plan.
Do you mind if we sit down?
You're already sitting.
What's your name?
Jeff, what's yours?
I'm Ivan, and this is Kelly.
What do you want?
Some food would be nice.
It's all gone.
Where are you from?
Well, we're astronauts.
We just came back
from a space mission.
We've been gone for 40 years.
The probe mission.
Yeah, how'd you know?
It says so on your uniforms.
I remember when the probe
mission was going on.
I was pretty young at the time.
Really?
Yeah, before the invasion.
When exactly was the invasion?
Oh, 20 years ago now.
I'm one from the few left
that still counts the time.
What are these
aliens doing here?
Wood.
They're here for wood?
Uh huh.
It's like gold or
diamonds to them.
I guess their planet
don't have no wood.
They ship it back for profit.
Supply and demand, you know?
Oh, I'm familiar
with that theory,
and it's a very good one.
Yep, wood's what this
whole damn thing's about.
Who'd have thunk it?
They eat it too.
- Who's that?
- That's Alex.
He's a real bright kid.
Got a pencil and paper
and knows how to write.
I taught him.
Go ahead, show 'em.
He lost a finger today,
so he's a little shy.
What's with all the fingers?
Every time you
escape and get caught,
you lose a finger.
Yeah well, you lose any more,
you're gonna be scratching
your ass with a wooden spoon.
When I lose enough
of them, I can't work.
Then you're dead.
Let me see your hand.
Go on, show him your hand.
Anyway, the aliens
got camps like this
in every wooded parts
of the world.
They're slowly but surely
stripping all the
trees on Earth.
And they ain't
planting any new ones.
How'd it happen?
They dropped bombs
before they got here.
Kinda like neutron bombs,
killed the people, but
didn't hurt the trees.
Then they landed and
executed most everyone else,
except for the few they put
to work in the mills, like me.
I'm the oldest one here.
How old are you?
Oh, I guess I'm just 35 now.
Very few make it to my age.
The work kills them.
I like to work, though.
It keeps me young.
Yeah, just like the
fountain of youth.
What about hope?
Hope?
Well, sure.
They give us one
day off a month
and double rations
every other Sunday.
That's their holy day,
when they pray to the
giant termite in the sky.
No, I'm talking about
hope for freedom.
The president lives.
The president,
the president of what?
Of the United States.
Oh, please.
It's true, the president
and all of his men.
It's the senators
he's talking about.
They escaped to a special
bomb shelter in the mountains.
They live.
They're putting together
a fighting force
of escaped slaves to begin
a revolution for freedom.
And you've been waiting
for this for how long?
Since the bombs fell from the sky,
and the dark time came.
20 years.
If old President Demsky's coming,
he's taking his time.
Don't talk like that, old man.
That's blasphemy.
Demsky wasn't even
a good president.
Republicans, sheesh.
But he lives,
and he'll lead
us all to freedom.
Freedom!
Freedom!
20 years is a long time.
I don't think we should
wait for this guy.
Me neither.
I say we tunnel out of here.
Right.
Okay, we'll work in shifts.
And then we'll get
out of here in no time.
How do you get a pair
of gloves in this place?
You gotta wait
until someone dies.
Then take 'em.
That usually don't
take too long.
Charming.
Come on, get ahold of that.
Get it up there.
Move it, move it, move it.
Come on, keep it going.
You over there,
what are you doing?
Get going!
Keep it moving.
Come on!
- Hey!
- What are you looking at?
Keep it going.
Come on, everybody,
keep working!
You!
Yeah, you over there.
Pick it up.
Move, move, move, move!
Get it up there.
Knock it off.
Come on.
Stay away from him.
Let him alone.
Come on, pick it up.
Keep going.
You, go.
Prepare the body now.
You two, come with me.
Come on.
- Over here.
- Me.
- Get out of my way.
- Look out.
- What about me?
- Watch out.
Let me.
So sad to see how
low people can get.
Yeah, it is.
I'm glad you guys
finally made it back.
Come on girl, come on.
Come on, over here.
All right, let's move it.
Go on.
Get going.
Come on, move out.
All right, let's move it,
come on.
Come on!
You, tell the leader
there will be more food.
Go.
- It's mine, it's mine!
- It's mine!
Hey, gimme.
It's food.
Come on, give me, it's food.
Give it to me.
Stop standing around.
Work!
Move, move, move, move!
Get it up.
Keep it going.
Work it!
Yeah, I want you to
move it over there.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's not your problem.
No!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Stop standing around,
get back to work.
You, get going.
Work it!
Freedom!
It's your fingers, kid.
- Well, all right.
- Welcome aboard.
Thanks.
You, what are you doing?
They die?
Everything dies.
What's going on here?
Hey, what's with those two?
Somebody get him.
Get the horses.
Let's get 'em!
Get after 'em!
Come on, move it.
Move it, everybody.
Mount 'em up!
What happened here?
Tell me what happened.
Hyah, come on, hyah.
Go!
Out of the way!
Let's split up.
- Okay.
- Come on,
they're just up here!
Keep moving!
Come on!
Over there!
Hyah!
Come on, we got 'em!
We got 'em!
We got 'em.
Get her.
That oughta do it.
You won't be going
anywhere real soon.
Hyah, come on!
Come on!
Oh, come on with this.
You stupid piece of.
They're dead.
That's for sure.
Hey, over here.
Have we met?
I don't think so.
This is really weird.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure,
unless you're at least
50 years old.
My name is Bizzi.
Hi, I'm Ivan.
I'm Alex.
Hi.
Hey, thanks for
saving our lives.
Did you just escape
from the sawmill?
Yeah.
Why are you wearing
such funny clothes?
He's from outer space.
Are you an alien?
Do I look like an alien?
No.
No, no, no, I'm from Earth.
I'm a doctor.
Oh, what's a doctor?
You don't know
what a doctor is?
I help people.
Oh, how sweet.
Follow me.
Never heard of doctors.
I could still become
The Great Healer.
Hey Bizzi, what you got there?
He's a doctor.
He looks like a
spaceman or something.
Just so happens
I am a spaceman.
He says he's a spaceman.
This fella says
he's a spaceman.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
Yeah, I'm a spaceman,
thank you.
Hello.
Second Lieutenant Ivan Hood, D.O.
Who are you?
I'm Isaac.
I'm the leader of
Freedom Valley.
Nice to meet you.
What are you doing?
It's a greeting.
Ah.
So now, are you
really a spaceman?
As a matter of fact I am.
NASA probe mission.
I just saw the bounty hunters
carrying away a woman
dressed like you.
Was she all right?
She was knocked out,
but breathing.
Thank goodness.
What does D.O. mean?
I'm a doctor of Osteopathy.
Does that mean you're a
doctor for animals or humans?
Osteopathy is the study of
slugs and their mating habits.
Oh really?
I've always been
interested in slugs.
How do they mate?
Very carefully.
I'm kidding, it's a joke.
An osteopath is a
doctor for the people.
Can I show you?
Turn around.
Just relax.
All right, breathe in,
out.
In,
out.
Thank you.
That feels fine.
No problem, you'll get my bill.
Anyone else has a problem,
just come talk to me.
Matter of fact, you can think
of me as the great healer.
Well, here in Freedom Valley,
we welcome any human,
no matter where he escaped from.
You may live here in peace
for the rest of your days.
Wait a minute.
See, I got a friend of
mine back at the sawmill.
I gotta get her out of there.
I need your help.
We in Freedom Valley
do not fight.
We live in peace
with everything.
Yeah, except the aliens
and the bounty hunters.
This is one of the
very few settlements
of humans left on Earth.
We're not looking for trouble.
You don't have to look,
it's already here.
Now this president of yours,
what's his name, Kempsky?
You're trying to trick us.
President Demsky was
after the probe mission.
You were in deep space
when he was elected.
Knock it off, old man.
Look, I'm probably
twice your age.
Now look,
back at the sawmill,
all the slaves were talking
about President Demsky.
Where is he?
He's putting together a
fighting force of slaves
in the Cascade Mountains.
He's a myth.
He died with everyone
else in the Capitol.
No, he didn't.
The president lives.
I've spoken with a guy who
knew someone who saw him.
He lives.
The president lives!
The president lives!
The Cascade Mountains
aren't that far away.
I'll just go find him.
No, you can't.
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't.
The bounty hunters will
track you down and kill you.
That's a pretty good one.
You know, those
bounty hunters are fags.
I can get past them.
You will be killed.
Oh, you're a hopeful bunch,
I'll tell ya.
You know what,
I don't give a damn.
I got nothing to lose.
I'll either find this president,
or I'll prove he doesn't exist.
And if he does exist,
I'm coming back here
with his fighting force
and we're gonna
take on these aliens
and we're gonna
free my friend
and all the other
slaves at the sawmill.
You say you're free
here at Freedom Valley.
That's a boatload of crap.
You're just prisoners
in a bigger cage.
Now who will
join me in my quest?
I will.
Me too.
Well, at least there's
two among you with courage.
But, Bizzi,
we were gonna be married.
There are more
important things to do now.
Don't you see?
The doctor was sent here to
lead us to the president.
I don't think so.
I think he'll
lead you to your doom.
We'll let you know
when we get back.
Can we stay the night?
Of course.
Thank you.
I'm glad you guys
finally made it back.
Man, she looked a lot
better before we started.
Yeah, too bad we had to beat her
with the damn mites watching.
I'd like to have
done a spacegirl.
Ha, she'll get better.
Then we'll both do her.
Yosemite, you sure
did her up royal.
The mites was watching.
Well,
now she and the other spaceman
killed one of the mites.
I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, me neither.
They die just like us.
Except green crap comes out.
Yeah, come on.
Where am I?
You're safe.
You're with us.
Where's Ivan?
He got away.
So did Alex.
Thank God.
No one has ever killed
one of the mites before.
It's got everyone thinking.
I saw the doc that
killed one of the aliens.
So we set out to
find the president.
But some people
did not believe.
The three of us were convinced
that he was up there,
somewhere.
So much killing.
Come on slaves, move it.
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Bizzi, you got a knife?
Oh, just make it
quick, will ya?
I don't suppose we have
anything antiseptic with us,
do we?
Like alcohol?
Potato liquor?
Oh, that'll do.
Smooth.
- Here, drink this.
- Huh?
Drink, it'll kill the pain.
Why do you want me to drink
if you're gonna
stick me with a knife?
Because I'm a sadist.
Now come on, drink up.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Okay, let's hold him down.
Alex, take his hands.
Bizzi, take his feet.
What you gonna do?
I'm gonna operate.
What's that?
Well, you,
just watch.
Oh, you could
cut my finger off.
You could cut
all my fingers off.
I'll work in the mill, please.
Oh God!
There we go.
Good as new.
You want this as a souvenir?
Ain't you gonna kill me?
He's a doctor.
He's just gonna heal you.
A doctor?
There ain't no doctors no more.
Oh, yes there is.
And I'm it.
Are you some kind
of spaceman too?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Okay, let's go.
Just clean that every so
often and you'll be fine.
Wait.
Where are you going?
To find the president.
The president, he lives!
He'll bring freedom to us all!
That's what we keep hearing.
We're gonna find him.
Can I come with you?
Sure, what's your name?
Tyler.
Tippecanoe and Tyler too.
What?
A long time ago there was
a president named Tyler, see?
And he.
Oh, forget it.
- Tyler, you think you can walk?
- Sure sure, I feel great.
Come on, let's go.
That's my kind of guy.
Let's go make friends.
How you doin'?
Nobody move or you're dead.
What do you want?
We wanna make friends.
You want my fish.
Well, we wouldn't mind sharing them.
What are you offering?
Friendship.
Friendship, huh?
What are you doing here?
We're looking for the president.
The president.
The president's dead.
Are you sure?
No.
Are you sure he's alive?
No, but we're gonna find out.
The president lives!
Hey hey, can we stop with
that president lives crap, okay?
You're not slogan
repeating slaves anymore.
You're free people.
Start acting like it.
All right, I'm with you.
I like the way you talk.
Besides, I don't have
any bullets anyway.
And you can have
all the fish you want
as long as there's water around.
I catch 'em, but I don't
much like eating them.
My name's Bob.
Welcome aboard, Bob.
Okay, I gotta stop doing that.
Let's make a fire
and eat some fish.
You know, there were so
many things in this world
that I always
took for granted.
And now that they're gone,
I miss 'em.
Like what?
Well, like they had
these restaurants.
People called them
greasy spoons.
And you could go in there
and get eggs, toast,
hash brown,
and coffee for $9.99.
The waitress would
come around four times
and ask you if
everything was all right
and then forget
to give you coffee.
And scanning up and
down the radio dial
looking for a good song
and only finding ones
that you don't like,
like basketball.
Even though my team never won.
We never got in the playoffs.
Your crappy TV shows,
I don't know.
Are you sorry that you're here?
I don't know.
It's just that
nothing ever seems to go
the way you think it's gonna.
I mean, I finally fall in love,
or at least I think I have,
and I get away
and she gets caught.
I always wanted to
be a doctor, though.
Ever since I was a kid,
I'd watch doctor shows
on TV and think to myself
hey, I wanna be like that guy.
What's TV?
None of your damn business.
Of course, my grades
weren't good enough.
So I went into the Air Force,
thought maybe I could
fly jets and helicopters.
But no, my grades weren't
good enough for that either.
Luckily, they put me
through osteopathic school.
Of course, all the MD's
made fun of the DO's
'cause they thought
they were quacks.
And then I joined that
stupid space probe mission,
mainly 'cause all
the real doctors
didn't wanna be
gone for 40 years.
But I thought I'd come back
a hero to a better place.
But no!
Sometimes I just think that
God or fate or whatever
is just cruel because
no matter what you want,
it's never what you get.
And you know,
I have a theory about that too.
Whoa.
Whoa, we can't
come back empty handed.
We'll be in trouble for sure.
I don't wanna hang
around this area.
There's hostiles here.
A bounty hunter got killed
around here just a few weeks ago.
You're just yellow.
I ain't afraid of no slaves.
Hey, there's something
moving in those woods.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Don't do it.
I'm telling you.
I know you're in there.
Get out of there
before I blow you away!
I said get out of there!
You killed me!
You gone and killed me.
You gone and killed me.
You're not dead.
I won't let you die even though
you deserve it, you traitor.
Traitor?
Traitor to what?
To humanity.
I don't get ya.
Yeah, and that's the problem.
All right, look,
I'll make you a deal.
I'll save your life if you
stop working for the aliens
and come with us.
How can you save my life?
I just can.
Now do we have a deal?
Yeah sure, we got a deal.
Why do you even bother with him?
He's a stinking bounty hunter.
Because he's a human,
and humans have the
ability to change.
Bizzi, you got any
more of that liquor?
If the doctor says so,
then it's true.
I'll drink to that.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Okay, we are not
prepared to climb that.
No.
Anybody have any ideas?
Who are you?
We're friends
and fellow humans.
Who says?
See, I ain't hardly human,
and you are not my friends.
We could be.
And if I blow your head off,
would you still be my friend?
You're not gonna shoot me.
I'm not, huh?
How do you know?
I just know.
Ain't you just a little scared?
Not even a little.
I'm Ivan.
I'm a doctor.
A doctor?
What's that?
I heal people.
Oh, yeah?
I got taken to folks like
you when I was little.
Didn't do me no good, though.
You were taken to
doctors or to healers?
To folks who said God
healed through them.
Just as I suspected.
So,
what are you all doing up here?
We just came to the mountain
to find the president.
The president, why?
He's putting together
a fighting force
to overtake the aliens
and make the Earth free
for all humans.
The president lives,
the president lives!
Hey, hey, hey!
No kidding.
You wouldn't happen to know
anything about the president,
would you?
It depends on which
president you mean.
I may know a different one.
Demsky's the one
they're talking about.
Sure, I know where he is.
You do?
I'll take you there.
Then we can all join the
fighting force together.
The tanks and the howitzers
for the president's fighting
force are hidden over here.
Made you look.
Hey, Demsky.
Get out here, you got visitors.
Hey, Demsky?
What, are you two on
the same bowling team?
That's great,
you're a funny guy.
By the way,
what's bowling?
Who have you
betrayed us to now?
Who?
You deformed dwarf.
Up yours, you old fart.
Go get Demsky.
Don't tell me what to do.
I'm the senior senator
from New York.
Who's this?
You're nothing now, so move.
Get Demsky.
Boy, if only they could
pass bills that fast.
So this is it,
The whole Washington D.C. bunch.
Senators, congressmen, judges.
Look at 'em.
Rats with beady
little pink eyes.
They come to me
begging for meat.
Please, please, please.
Who's in charge now, huh?
Shut up, dwarf.
Up yours.
Mr. President,
this disgusting creature
has brought us
outsiders, intruders.
You were on the probe mission?
Yes, sir, I was.
Probe mission, probe mission.
Why is everyone so interested?
It was the probe that
is the reason why we're alive.
Their warning allowed a
few of us to seek shelter.
Well, it's nice to know
our efforts weren't wasted.
Listen, Mr. President,
I am here leading a
group of escaped slaves
that want to join
your fighting force.
Fighting force?
Yeah, the one that's
gonna battle the aliens
in the upcoming rebellion.
Rebellion, what rebellion?
The one that you're leading.
The one that plenty of
slaves I've talked to believe in.
I'm not leading a rebellion.
I'm not leading anything.
But these people believe in you.
What the hell am I
supposed to do about it?
Lead 'em to victory.
There can't be a victory
against these disgusting vermin.
You can't fight them.
Have you tried?
Well, have you seen them?
It's no way.
What are you talking about?
I've killed them myself.
They die just like anything else,
only a little louder.
And they spew green crap.
I mean, look at that.
That's not coming out.
But you didn't tell us
you killed an alien.
Well big deal,
it's not that hard.
I mean a rock or an
arrow is all you need.
I used a drill bit.
Mr. President, the time is now.
No, no.
It won't be me.
I've given all I can give.
I have no more.
I'm through.
My friend,
the woman I love is being held
captive back at the sawmill
and I have to get her out.
If none of you are even
thinking about fighting back,
then you've just given up.
Well, I haven't.
I'm gonna keep fighting back,
and any of you that wish
to join me, you're welcome.
Mr. President, someone's
got to lead this rebellion,
and if it's not gonna be you,
then it might as well be me.
I say freedom for humans, freedom!
Freedom!
Okay, look, I changed my mind.
All together now, freedom!
Freedom, freedom, freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Hey, what are you doing?
Get back to work.
I'm warning you.
All right, two of you guys,
go get him.
The guy's cracking up.
The rest of you get back to work.
What are you looking at?
After so long believing
that the president
would lead us to victory,
there was nothing left
to do but go back.
Well doctor,
I wish you the best of
luck with your rebellion.
I'll catch you later.
But I thought you joined us.
Nope, I just took you
where I said I'd take you.
That you did.
Thank you.
- Bill.
- Yeah?
Before you go,
would you let me
try and help you?
I don't have any
medical equipment,
but I still think I
can do you some good.
Nah, it's been tried.
Let me try.
Just relax.
Breathe in.
Out.
In,
out.
In,
out.
Oh
my God!
Oh, my God.
See, you're not even that short.
I don't think you qualify
as a dwarf or a midget.
Thank you.
Thank you, doctor.
You're welcome,
don't mention it.
It was nice to meet you.
Well, catch you on the flip flop.
Wait, can I go with ya?
- But you just said...
- Please?
Sure, hop on board, chief.
Glad to have you.
Okay.
Gather around, we have news.
But their beliefs,
their hope, their faith.
Is misplaced and
they should know it.
Gather around, everyone.
We have news of the president.
The president lives!
The president does in fact live.
The president lives!
He lives, but there
is no fighting force.
No rebellion.
But the president will
lead us all to freedom.
No, he won't.
As he said himself,
he leads nothing.
Look, I hate to break it to you,
but the president
is just an old man
who stares out the window.
He is alive, yes, but
he may as well be dead.
But what about freedom?
Freedom will only come to humans
a long as humans are willing
to fight for freedom.
You have no president to pin
your hopes on, only yourselves.
The only rebel army is standing
right there in front of you.
Now we will fight for freedom.
And if any of you are
willing to join us, join now.
But there's not enough of us.
If one person is
willing to stand up
and fight for what's right,
that's enough.
But as long as you hide
here in the this valley
and wait for someone
to bring you freedom,
you are still slaves.
Freedom only comes to those who
are willing to fight for it.
Now who will join us?
Please, you're my people.
We need you, you must join us.
This is stupid.
There's not enough
of us to do anything.
I'm going fishing.
You know what, go ahead and go.
I'll be the whole rebel
army myself if I have to.
I've come back to
a world of cowards.
I'd rather die fighting
than be any part of this.
Adios.
Kelly,
just be okay.
Mind your own damn business, boy.
What's wrong?
He just raped Bizzi.
I tried to stop him,
but I couldn't.
Is that true?
What of it?
She's used to it.
She's a slave.
That's how it's done here.
Not here it isn't.
You think you have
something real special, huh?
You're all just escaped slaves.
You're gonna get caught
or killed tomorrow anyhow.
What's the difference?
The difference is we're
free now, and we have laws.
And we treat eachother
with respect.
Oh yeah?
Drop dead.
I'm going back to the sawmill
and tell 'em where you are
right now.
Hey, scumbag,
you forgot something.
What?
You said you're a doctor.
You're supposed to heal people.
I am.
Your stupidity is terminal.
And now you're cured.
Try and get some sleep, everybody.
Tomorrow's gonna be a rough day.
I'm sorry.
Ready.
Aim.
Fire!
Charge!
Charge!
Ivan!
Fall back!
Come on, let's go.
Go!
Fall back, fall back!
Come on, get inside, everybody.
Inside, come on!
Hey, let me in.
Hey, come on!
Charge!
I'm so glad you're alive.
Kill them, kill them!
Kill, kill, kill!
Kill, kill, kill!
Kill, kill, kill!
What do we do with them?
I know, let's just
kill them bastards.
Let's throw them into the fire!
Let's butcher 'em!
Let's cut 'em into pieces
and feed 'em to the fish!
No!
Let's ask the doctor.
These are the first
moments of freedom
many of you have ever experienced.
I don't think this is the right
time to be executing anyone,
alien or human.
What do we do with 'em?
It's up to you.
You're humans just like us.
You can join us if you want.
But you're gonna have to
convince us that you mean it.
Let 'em think it over.
Put 'em in the guardhouse.
- Come on, guys.
- Do what the doctor says.
Come on, move it, move it.
All right, take it easy.
Aren't you the wise leader?
You can just call me
The Great Healer.
Yeah, Great Healer, just kiss me.
That's Mr. Great Healer to you.
Hey, hey. He said we could
take the sawmill, and we did.
The doctor knows what
he's talking about.
Look at me.
He cured me.
He took us to see the president.
The president lives!
The president lives!
The president,
the president is just an
old man sitting in his chair.
He's a coward.
That's why the doctor
led the attack himself.
He chose not to kill them
bastard bounty hunters.
He must be a just man
because I would have
killed them in a second.
He killed one last night,
one he had already saved.
He gives life,
and he takes it away.
Right before he came
out of the desert,
I saw a shooting star
in the daylight sky.
I think it was a sign from heaven.
All our troubles are over.
Heaven on Earth is here.
Take cover, something's coming!
Prepare to fight!
Humans, give up immediately.
Do not attempt resistance.
You are defeated.
You like wood so much, eat this!
Look out!
Never before have we
encountered an armed revolt.
I will have to make very sure
that this never occurs again.
Which of you incited this?
Who is your leader?
If I don't get an
answer immediately,
I will be forced to
kill all of you.
Kill all of you.
Now speak up.
I suspect that it is you.
I'm the leader,
thank you very much.
You.
No, I'm the leader.
No, I'm the leader.
No, it's me.
Heck, no, I've always
been the leader here.
I'm the leader.
- No, it's me.
- No, actually,
I'm the leader.
- No, I'm the leader.
- No, I'm the leader.
You humans have more integrity
than I ever suspected.
I ought to kill
all of you right now.
Kill you now.
But I will use my
own best judgment.
I believe you and I sentence
you to be executed immediately.
No!
No!
No, no, no!
No!
No!
My judgment was correct.
You are their leader.
- You are their leader.
- Yes, I am.
But I won't be the last.
Humans will rise up
against your tyranny
and kill every last
one of you slimy bugs.
I do not think so, human.
You are the troublemaker.
Humans are naturally a timid breed
and best suited to subservience.
You are an exception.
Kill him now.
Ready, charge!
Ready, charge!
Doctor.
You seem to have changed
your mind since we last spoke.
Yes, you changed it.
Thank you.
Your timing was impeccable.
Now if you'll forgive me,
I think I have to lie down.
Tell everyone to get some rest.
We go to a new
sawmill tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
That soon.
Yes, that soon.
The battle isn't over
until we've won,
until every last alien is dead.
Get it?
Got it.
Good.
The doctor told us that
living in Freedom Valley
was hiding from reality,
not facing it.
And he was right.
He laid his hands on
me, and I was cured.
Yeah, he cut a bullet
right out of my gut.
I wouldn't even be here
if it wasn't for him.
And he told me if I
was ever in a canoe,
I shouldn't tip it, and
that's certainly good advice.
When we first met,
I already knew him.
He got me to believe
that life is worth living
and worth fighting for!
- Yeah!
- God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
God bless the doctor!
The doctor had indeed
led us to freedom.
And the next day, we moved
on toward another sawmill.
And after another
desperate battle,
we freed that sawmill too,
and the next, and the next.
We went on to liberate
all the sawmills
in the Pacific Northwest.
And now we're
heading back south
to free the humans
of California.
It looks like there's
no stopping us.
Soon all the humans
of Earth will be free
and we owe it to the doctor.
Our liberator.
Or as he has become
known over the course
of many bloody battles,
waged and won with
multitudes of aliens killed,
The Great Exterminator.