All Relative (2014) Movie Script
The French, they have it
all figured out, right?
I read this article online,
actually an in-Depth blog,
And it was saying how
they consistently have better,
More-Fulfilling relationships
than Americans
Because they aren't so...
so goal-Oriented
When it comes to love.
They don't judge a relationship
based on the final outcome.
They value the actual journey.
Look, dude. You can't keep beating
yourself up over what happened.
I broke up with her, Jared.
It's been over a year.
I give you permission to knock
the dust off your Schvantz.
And now you speak Yiddish?
Motherfucker,
I was bar Mitzvahed.
Shit, man.
At least you got that ring back.
That's pretty key.
You didn't get the ring back.
I don't want to talk about it.
- Yeah.
- You're a disgrace.
Yeah,
I'm just getting warmed up.
Dude, come here.
Come here, come here.
Check it out. Right there.
She's checking you out.
She's checking you out.
Hey, go over there
and ask them to bowl with us.
I'm... dude, no.
Dude, would you...
s-She's checking you out again
a second time.
She checked you out again!
She's scanning the room.
Just let it go.
Dude,
she is not scanning the room.
Dude, if you don't
go over there, I will.
Do it right now.
I'm not - Dude, stop it.
Let it go.
No. Here she - Here she comes.
- Are you serious?
- She's right...
- hey.
- Hey.
Um, I was just wondering if
you had an extra 12-Pounder.
Um, well,
I-I just have this one,
But we can share it if you want.
Or you know what? Just take it.
Oh. No, don't worry about it.
You're kind of on a roll here,
so...
thank you.
I'll look for another one.
It's fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
- No, it's okay.
- Yeah, sorry.
Hey, you guys
Should totally join us
for a game of bowling.
We're just by ourselves here
in this big lane.
Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be fun.
- Awesome.
- All right.
Okay, yeah, cool.
Are you gonna
buy us a drink if we win?
You know,
we'll buy you a drink anyway,
Because chivalry is still alive,
believe it or not.
- Oh. All right.
- Yeah. I like that.
- Oh!
- Yeah!
Okay, okay!
We can work with that.
We can work with that.
All right, take a deep breath.
Aah!
- Oh!
- Oh!
Oh!
Um, well, this is me.
Nice.
Thank you so much
for walking me.
Yeah, no problem.
I had fun... tonight.
Yeah.
We should definitely
hang out again.
Um, yeah.
I mean... ugh.
I should have told you
this earlier, but, um...
I'm seeing someone.
Well, we've only been
on two dates,
But, um,
I did promise him a third.
I-I think we should
go on a date.
What's the worst
that could happen?
Come on.
Just give me your phone.
Sure. Think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
- Well, bye.
- Bye.
Mm.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Dinner.
- As friends.
- Yeah.
Bye.
You know, what's funny is
a month ago,
This would have been
a different story.
She promised
this guy a third date.
Ugh. I'm unlucky.
It's like
every girl in this town,
They're playing a game,
you know?
And the hotter the chick...
pbht!
The crazier the game.
I'm good, man.
This one's on her.
Thanks.
I, um... I usually
don't drink alone.
So don't.
I'm harry.
- I'm Maren.
- Hi, Maren.
So... Maren.
Do you stay at this hotel?
Yeah. I'm here for the weekend.
Doing some open houses.
I live in Westchester.
Wow. That's pretty fancy.
Yeah.
But I get to see my kids
when I'm in town.
Your kids?
You don't have kids.
You have three kids.
She has three kids.
Wow.
One's in college
here in the city.
Were you pregnant
in middle school?
Oh. Cute.
I bet you say that
to all the moms.
You divorced?
Hey, you know what?
It's his loss.
So, harry... why are
you drinking alone?
What?
Mm.
Okay.
I have a confession to make.
- Really? What?
- Yeah.
It's been a year
since I've had sex.
Whoa. You married?
What?
No, no. No.
Um...
my fiance cheated on me.
Awhile back.
Okay.
We'll go slow.
Mm?
Want to hand me that glass?
I have a confession to make,
too.
What's that?
I'm nervous, too.
You're nervous, too?
That's good.
That's good. Nervous is good.
You want to try something fun?
Okay.
It's like in high school.
Remember?
I did not do that
in high school.
You didn't?
Well, we went to different
schools, probably.
Yeah.
I went on a date tonight.
My first in a really,
really long time.
And, um...
it was with this guy
I hadn't seen since college.
You know how things get built up
over e-Mail and text?
And... and we met. It was weird.
Why was it weird?
Well, let's start with... size.
Was he, like... 50
pounds heavier than...
oh, I was thinking something
completely different.
That's when
I should have left, right?
But I stayed,
And he started
sucking my fingers at dinner.
Who does that?
Hey.
I want you to know
That not every guy out there
is gonna be like him.
You know, we're not all flabby,
dishonest...
finger sucking
at the dinner table weirdos.
Let's not put
any pressure on tonight.
Whatever it is is what it is.
I'm so confused.
I set it all up for you.
I just can't believe
you didn't nail her.
I walked her home.
I actually liked her.
It's always about
nailing somebody.
Why do you always
have to nail somebody?
Okay.
Then you went out Han solo,
Nailed a new chick
after getting rejected.
It's different,
and I wasn't rejected.
We... you know,
we... we parted amicably.
- You at least make out?
- No.
But... we're supposed
to go out to dinner.
Mm-Hmm. Yeah.
And that relationship's dead.
You think so?
Why do you think it's dead?
Have you ever
successfully dated a girl
Where you didn't get
some small kiss
Or some inkling of progression
by the night's end?
I got her number.
Meaningless without a make out.
But you know what?
Tell me about the second one.
I don't know.
The sec... the second one
was a one-Night thing.
It was... it was nothing.
- Was she hot?
- Yeah.
- Older.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
- Older. Okay.
Now you can reapproach
the first girl
With that confidence
you were lacking.
I'm confused.
I thought you just said
the first one was dead.
You can text her
something naughty.
Like, what is she, uh...
you know, what kind of panties
does she wear?
Like, oh, is she loud...
she's seeing someone else, okay?
Scratch her off the list.
Text the milf something dirty.
She's totally your strong hand.
I'm not texting anybody.
You have a golden opportunity
To have a little fun with
zero chance of getting hurt.
- Shh. Shh, shh. Hello?
- Zero chance.
Oh, hey.
All right, yeah. Bye.
- Who was that?
- It was the second one.
She wanted to hang out later,
so we might, you know...
Jared, stop that.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm just maybe
grabbing a coffee with her.
Look at me. That's it.
God.
Oh, god.
Your secret's gonna come out.
What secret?
When all the other girls
find out how good you are,
I'm gonna have to beat them
off you with a stick.
I'm just messing with you.
I wouldn't want this to be
anything more than what it is.
Hmm?
Yeah.
Tell me about the girl
from yesterday.
What girl from yesterday?
You know.
What girl from yesterday?
The one that got you all
bent out of shape at the bar.
Is she cute?
Come on.
She... yeah.
I thought we had a connection,
And then she told me
that she was seeing another guy,
And she had, uh, she had
promised this guy a third date,
So... anyway, that
was it, you know?
It's over.
What?
No, it's not over!
- It is very much over.
- No!
Text her.
Right now?
Yeah.
She just wants to be friends.
She's playing hard to get.
You're unbelievable.
I can't believe
you're encouraging this.
You know what? I'll text her.
No. You will not.
You will not text anyone,
young lady.
I will text her.
When I get home.
Text her now.
If she answers right back,
It's because she likes you.
I'll see if she wants
to grab dinner tonight.
It's too last minute.
It's as if you weren't
really thinking about her.
Ask her to something
more casual,
Like coffee or lunch.
How about
I invite her to brunch?
"Hey.
You... want to grab... brunch
sometime?"
"Brunch tomorrow" question mark.
Light.
"Brunch tomorrow" question mark.
Send.
You know what I love
about New York city?
- Um, the rats?
- Nope.
- Pollution?
- Nope.
- Construction?
- Yes!
Construction. I was...
they're always building stuff.
Like, what are they building?
I don't know. It's New York.
You don't do construction,
do you?
No, I work in I.T. Sales.
- Really? I.T.
- Mm-Hmm.
I thought you were gonna say
something sexier,
Like... actuarial science.
Well, what do you do?
Uh, I don't do anything.
Tell me more.
I don't do nothing.
I'm... I'm in school.
I'm finishing up a two-Year
grad program at Columbia.
Studying architecture.
Oh, no way.
My dad's an architect.
Get out of here.
Yeah, he's a partner
at Kenner and Boyd.
K&B? Wow.
I'm supposed to interview
with them next week.
Oh, well, I'll make sure
he keeps an eye out for you.
So, um...
I need... I need
your male advice for something.
Okay. Shoot.
I went on the third date
with that guy last night.
And I don't know.
We just had an okay time.
Was it... was it good okay?
Was it... was it bad okay?
First of all, he doesn't make
any plan for dinner.
Okay?
And then he says,
"Oh, we'll just go
wherever you want to go."
So we end up just, like,
spending an hour
Walking
the streets of no reservation
- Looking for a table.
- No.
You don't have your date
walk the streets in heels
When you can just use an app.
You mean the app for his...
flip phone?
Are you serious? Ugh.
Grace, Grace. No.
- He has a flip phone?
- Yeah.
What kind of batteries
does that thing take?
Is it like AA or AAA?
Oh, I know.
Oh. It's him.
It's, uh, it's flip phone.
He's apologizing
for the restaurant debacle.
Hmm.
You're...
you're gonna see him again?
He says he wants to meet today
for coffee.
Why so soon after our last date?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I mean, coffee today
Just seems really last minute,
It's like he's not even
thinking about you.
You think?
Or he really likes you
and he wants to see you again.
You're the best. Thanks.
No problem.
Well, um, I feel foolish.
I mean, there's a part of me
that feels naive.
I wonder why I ever got
my hopes up to begin with.
Look, I-I-It's not working out.
I have to accept that.
I have to accept that
She just...
she likes some other clown.
Take off your pants.
You know she's with him
right now.
They're out having coffee.
Coffee? Yeah, right.
Girls play games, sweetheart.
You never played any games.
Mm. I don't have to play games.
- It's her.
- Mm-Hmm.
He broke up with her.
Mm. Sad.
"I can really use
someone to talk to right now.
Are you free?"
She wants to see me.
Great.
No, no. She wants to see me.
I mean,
you of all people should know
This is
a pretty critical moment.
I understand.
But I'd really like to have sex
before I leave.
Hmm?
I-I don't... I don't think
this is a good idea.
Why not?
Um...
'cause I might be starting
something with this girl.
Wait.
One minute ago,
it was okay to have sex,
And now it's not?
I mean, technically,
I didn't have a shot
with this girl a minute ago,
So now I'm just like,
"I can't sleep with you
And then run off to see her."
It's not like you're cheating.
No, I know. It...
it's just dishonest.
I-I don't want
to start a new relationship off
On the wrong foot.
This is new.
Yeah, this is new.
But we both agree that this was
gonna be a fun weekend thing.
Why would you
even come back here
If you think so little of me?
You get one text from that girl
and I'm out?
You were the one that
encouraged me to ask her out.
What did she say?
Don't come back.
Are you serious?
Maren, this is stupid.
Let's just talk about this
like adults.
You are selfish.
You don't care who you hurt.
Please leave.
Go.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
- No, you know what?
- No.
Don't talk.
Whatever.
I've done nothing wrong.
Hey.
Thank you for taking me up
to meet your dad.
I really appreciate it.
Yeah, of course.
You know, I think it's good
That you didn't meet him
during your interview,
'Cause this is way more relaxed.
Do I look nervous?
No?
Don't be nervous.
He's super cool,
and he makes a mean barbecue.
I am starving.
Me, too.
I can't walk into my parents'
house looking all flushed.
Okay, just make a left
into this driveway.
Well... here goes nothing.
Don't worry.
There they are!
Oh!
Hi, sweetheart. How are you?
Hello. You must be harry.
- Nice to meet you, sir.
- No, call me Phil.
Call me Phil. Come on in.
Where's mom?
Uh, she's out finishing up
some gardening.
So the drive up was okay?
Yeah.
We just took 95 all the way.
And we brought wine.
Red. That is perfect.
Let's have some.
- Sounds good.
- Okay.
The interviewer said
good things about you, harry.
Thank you.
That's always good to hear.
What other firms
are you meeting with?
A handful of others.
Miller and Samuels, design inc.,
The Marcus company, the foundry.
Oh. Chicago.
You'd leave New York?
I don't really want to, but...
any offers?
Not yet, but hopefully,
someone will make one soon.
Hopefully.
You got your degree
at Columbia, right?
- For grad school, yes.
- And undergrad?
- Dartmouth.
- Oh.
"Animal house" is one of
my all-Time favorite movies.
Phil, I got to tell you,
uh, this house is amazing.
Did you build this?
I just did
some major renovations.
The original contractor
was a crook.
He used the wrong materials.
He cut a lot of corners.
Part of the foundation
was sinking
Four years after it was done.
That's not good.
No, I was so busy
with work at the firm,
I didn't even know what
was happening in my own home.
That's crazy.
- Hi!
- Hi!
Hi, sweetie! You're early.
I am? I thought I said 5:00.
- Really?
- I don't know.
Want some wine, hon?
Mom, are you okay?
Yeah. No.
No, I'm not okay.
I thi... I think I'm overheating.
Well, you were out there
for a long time.
That sun's a real killer.
- I'm so hot.
- I'll get you some water.
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. Stop fussing.
We're out of, um, bottles.
In the pantry.
Well, maybe you should go
lie down, huh?
No. Just go start the grill.
All right. Okay.
The fuck are you doing here?!
You said you were divorced!
What are you doing
with my daughter?
Oh, your daughter?
You mean "the one I was all bent
out of shape about at the bar"?
Oh, god.
- I found it.
- Hey!
Oh, mom. You look worse.
I'm just dehydrated.
Um, hey, I'm gonna go help
your dad with the grill.
No. No.
I want you right here.
I have so much to ask you about.
So, how'd you two meet?
Um, we were actually both
out bowling one night.
Oh.
You know, as someone
from an older generation,
I'm fascinated
by how dating works these days.
What do you mean?
Well, back in the days
of your grandparents,
Or even back when we met,
Things just moved a lot slower.
There was no internet,
no social media, no texting.
I remember being so nervous
when I picked up the phone
To ask your mother out
on our first date,
That I must have hung up
10 times
Before I actually dialed
at last.
Texting has got to be a lot
easier than that.
And, you know, e-Mailing...
let me tell you.
That has made coursework
so much easier.
Harry,
did you text or call first?
- You texted, remember?
- I texted?
I texted.
Yes. My mind's a sieve.
Must have been some other floozy
you were calling.
Oh, no.
I believe
that the best relationships
Start as friendships.
Yeah, dad.
I've heard this one before.
Well, I'll say it again.
It's what makes the relationship
I have with your mother
That much stronger.
So you two
are more like friends?
Of course we're friends.
So, it's platonic?
Well, like Phil so wisely said,
Um, you know,
the best relationships
Are... founded on friendship.
Oh.
So you two are just friends?
We're dating.
Wait, I'm... I'm confused.
Which... which is it?
Maren, I don't think we need
to label every little detail.
No, I don't see this
as every little detail.
I'd like to know what kind of
relationship our daughter is in.
Mom, please.
We're dating. The end.
Yeah, you say that,
But it seems as if harry
is saying one thing
And you're saying another thing.
Back when your dad and I
were going out,
It wasn't until
we were physically intimate
That we both agreed
that we were dating.
Mom!
If you want to know if harry
and I have had sex, just ask.
We haven't had sex.
- Harry!
- I'm sorry.
Can we please change
the subject?
Yes. Please.
Let's just change the subject.
I'd like some more wine, please.
In a bit, Maren.
I'd like some more wine now.
I think you've had enough
for now.
Jesus Christ!
Excuse me.
Did somebody say something
to piss you off?
Have you seen the mustard?
I don't know.
Maybe it's on the table.
You are being so rude to harry.
Uh, we're considering him
for a position,
And grace seems
to really like him.
I don't like him.
He's a phony.
Maren, if this is about me
And whatever problem
you have with me,
You don't need to take it out
on our daughter's friend.
Oh. I'm guilty
for your indiscretions?
My...
my past whatever
you want to call them
And you being rude to harry
Have absolutely nothing
to do with each other.
Nothing.
Oh, really?
Yes. Yes. Really.
What?
What?
Nothing.
You know what?
You've been drinking.
And I don't want to argue with
you when you're in this state,
Especially when we have company.
I love it.
I say what's on my mind,
And you say
it's because I've been drinking,
Because we can't have
a conversation.
Well, sweetheart,
you are drinking,
And we're having a conversation.
I'm gonna ask you to have
This exact same conversation
tomorrow morning,
And I will be
stone-Fucking-Cold sober.
And guess what?
I'm sure you will be.
I will say the exact same things
And they will have had
nothing...
my mom is driving me nuts.
She's acting really weird.
I-I just... I don't know
what she acts like normally,
So I don't have a scale.
What's wrong?
Maybe it's best if I leave
And give your parents
some space.
You think?
Yeah.
Um...
Yeah. You know what?
I'm not feeling very well.
- Oh?
- Uh...
I think I need to get some air.
- We're outside.
- I think it's the food.
It's the food.
Oh, no. It's the food?
It's not the food.
It's my... it's me.
It's my ibs.
I think my ibs is acting up.
- Irritable bowel syndrome?
- Mm-Hmm.
You were just talking about
Your cast-Iron stomach
the other day.
I know. It's weird.
Aside from a mild
lactose intolerance,
I'm usually ironclad, but, uh...
oh, man.
You know,
I'm gonna go to the pharmacy.
No, no, no.
It's around the corner.
I'll go. It's fine.
Harry needs lactose pills.
Yeah. Ugh.
- You do?
- Mm-Hmm.
Uh, my stomach's not in the best
of moods right now.
So I told... I was gonna go
to the pharmacy.
I'll drive you.
Grace just offered.
It'll give us some time to chat.
Honestly, I don't want
to inconvenience you.
I insist.
I think it's a good idea.
Grace and I can catch up
on a few things.
Um... you know, I'm thinking
it might be just best
If I head out a little early,
'Cause I'm gonna be spending the
night at my buddy Jared's place,
So if I get...
just get in the car.
I'm... I'm sorry
I'm not feeling well.
You can tell me the truth.
I can handle it.
Your food is really good.
It's delicious.
And my stomach pains
are in no way
Meant to impugn your cooking.
It's not about my cooking.
It's about Maren.
I know you're uncomfortable.
But think about how I feel.
I have to live with this
every day.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Phil.
When I agreed
to meet grace's parents
Nothing could have prepared me
to see Maren face-To-Face.
I want to apologize
for my behavior.
I feel awful.
- You want to apologize?
- Yes.
You feel awful?
I do.
What'd you do?
You were invited to dinner.
You had no idea you were gonna
walk into all that tension.
Maren and I,
We've been having struggles
for awhile now,
And it's... I feel really badly
That you got dragged
into the middle of it.
I'm embarrassed.
And I know you're uncomfortable.
Little bit.
I-I-I want to apologize.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Apology accepted.
Good.
Thanks.
Well,
I'm glad we cleared the air.
I feel better.
Oof.
I'm not washing anything by hand
tonight.
No, just put everything in here.
Get rid of it. Yeah. Put it in.
Honey...
you really like this guy, huh?
Yeah, I think I do.
Mm.
But he is a little old for you,
isn't he?
Mom.
We're just dating, okay?
We're not getting married
or anything.
We're just...
you know, we're getting
to know each other.
We're figuring it out.
Yeah.
I just don't want you
rushing into situations
Before you're emotionally ready.
Oh.
You mean like
how you and dad had me
Before you were prepared?
Okay.
We did initially
rush into things,
But that was then,
and look at us now.
I need to ask you something.
Okay.
Is dad having an affair?
No.
No. Of course not.
I don't... I don't know.
What is it?
Are you having an affair?
Honey!
Sweetheart, please.
It just... it just feels
really weird in this house.
I don't know. Am I imagining it?
There's nothing going on,
sweetie.
Here.
Room for this?
Yeah.
Uh, I'll meet you
at the register.
Okay.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Those are your eyes, baby.
That nose... the nose
is definitely yours.
Okay, maybe it's my nose,
but those are your eyes.
You think so?
Yeah, that's what you look like.
Yo.
I am in some serious shit
right now, man.
The mom that I slept with
a month ago?
Uh-Huh.
Grace's mother!
- No fudging way.
- What?
Yeah, fudging way.
Now I'm stuck in a house
with her and grace.
That is incredible.
I d... I'm freaking out, man.
I got to bail.
- No, no, no, no, no. Bad move.
- Wait. What?
The most important thing
in this situation right now,
You are one step away
From having a mother/daughter
threesome.
Oh, my god. He's about to have
a mother-Daughter threesome.
Ew! Ew!
I never did this
when I was single. Jesus!
I'm not having a
mother/daughter threesome!
Dude, I need you to be serious
right now.
The husband has no idea
I had sex with his wife.
- There's a husband?
- Yes!
Don't worry about it.
She is not gonna want
To reveal the affair
any more than you do.
You'll be completely fine.
Are you kidding?
I think she wants a divorce.
Play it cool.
No open affection toward her
in front of the mother.
I'm just coming over to you.
Don't feed her
at the dinner table. Do not...
- you all set?
- Yeah.
We have leftovers, sweetie.
No, thanks.
I saw a documentary at school
on the food industry.
I am done with meat.
Well,
60 minutes of sugar is toxic.
Better than mad cow.
We're back!
How did it go?
I made it.
Yay!
- How's things here?
- Good.
Harry, this is my sister, Liz.
Hey. Hey, Liz.
So, uh... you know,
I-I-I think I'm actually
gonna head out.
No! Already?
Well, Jared's expecting me,
And I don't
want to keep him waiting.
Oh, well, you know,
you really don't look 100%.
I think that maybe you should,
like, lie down or rest.
Really?
Well, that's... I feel great.
Harry, do you play golf?
Who doesn't?
That's good.
I have an 8:47 tee time
With a managing partner
at the firm.
You should join us.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- That sounds amazing. Yeah.
- Good.
Well, you should
just spend the night, then.
Yeah,
you can sleep in Kate's bedroom.
She's still at NYU, so...
it's empty.
I-I could sleep in Kate's room.
Yeah, you know,
or, you know what I'll do?
No, no. The golf course
is literally around the corner.
- It's not a big issue.
- Just stay the night.
- Listen.
- Grace.
I think harry is saying
he has plans.
It's absolutely no inconvenience
If you want to stay
in Kate's room.
Ugh, Phil, look at me.
I'm not in the proper attire.
Well, we're about the same size.
Figure something out for you.
Um... well, I guess.
It's a done deal.
You're golfing in the morning,
And you're staying
in Kate's room.
- Yay!
- Good.
Yay. Staying in Kate's room.
- I'll let the partner know.
- All right.
I'll get my bag.
What the fuck are you doing?!
What? He made me stay!
I could have burned your ass
When you took your fake sick
to... to the pharmacy.
And you chose to stay?!
Give me a break.
Burn my ass,
and your ass gets burned.
I've decided to tell my husband.
Okay.
Are you out of your mind?!
Mmhmm.
You shouldn't have
a problem with that,
Since, according to you,
relationships need
To be founded
on a bedrock of honesty.
Do not throw my words
into my face!
You know there are exceptions
to that rule.
I am not prepared to tell grace.
I owe it to her
to tell her what happened.
Oh, bullshit!
You're the one that lied
about being divorced.
I never said I was divorced.
- Yes, you did.
- No! You assumed.
I think you're just jealous.
You're jealous of me and grace.
- Oh, please.
- Admit it.
What we had was purely physical.
It was only about sex.
What are you going to do?
Why'd you make harry stay
when you know I'm not a fan?
W-W-What do you have
against him?
I shouldn't have to justify
my feelings
About who gets to stay
in this house.
It's my house, too.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to fight tonight.
I haven't had a drink
in two hours.
I'd really like to talk.
I really want to be fresh for
my golf game tomorrow morning.
Can we just talk about this
tomorrow?
No. No.
I want to talk now.
Fine.
What do you want to talk about?
I want to talk about harry.
I just thought
that it would be easier
If we all left together
in the morning.
What is the big deal?
You knew how I felt.
And you didn't care.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Should I have him
go sleep in his car?
He was leaving
to stay at a friend's house,
But you insisted he stay
just to contradict me.
No, I didn't.
I just want him to meet
my partner on the golf course.
He was gonna meet you in
the morning at the golf course!
I already told you. I'm sorry.
Yes, because you'll say anything
Not to have this conversation.
Then why don't you
just tell our daughter
Who she can and cannot date?
That way we can all disregard
each other's feelings.
That's rich, coming from you.
You're an asshole.
Besides,
grace is too young for him.
He's got bags under his eyes
and a thin upper lip.
Maren?
No.
Grace.
You thought I was my mom?
No, no.
Uh, hey. Is everything okay?
I don't know.
Is everything okay?
Holy shit.
I've always wanted to have sex
in the house I grew up in.
I know, but I don't want to
wake your mom and dad up.
You've been very patient.
I know,
but your parents are right here.
So what? It's not like
we're in high school.
Yeah.
Okay.
Grace, I really don't feel
comfortable pressuring you.
Is it my outfit?
- Is it too much?
- No. No, hey.
You look amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
It's just I'm... I'm here,
And it's...
it's a strange house.
It's... like,
the house isn't that st...
what the fuck was that?
- What? What?
- Listen. Shh.
I heard something.
You need to relax.
Oh, my god. Okay.
You know what I'm gonna do?
Hey. Hey, babe.
You know what I'm gonna do? Mm?
I'm just gonna go...
I'm gonna go and brush my teeth.
And then I'm... I'm gonna
come back here after...
after I brush them,
So you don't go anywhere, okay?
- Okay.
- All right.
- Be right back.
- Okay.
You're gonna go back in there.
You're gonna tell her
you're tired.
You're gonna tell her
you're very, very tired.
You need to get
a good night's sleep
So you can impress her dad
and his partner
At the golf course tomorrow,
And you're gonna be out
of this house,
You're gonna be home free.
It's all you got to do.
No, no, no, no.
Hey! Psst! Psst! Psst!
Come... come here. In here.
I hav... I have to brush
my teeth.
I'm really sorry
for getting worked up earlier.
I'm sorry for yelling at you.
Look, I promise
I'll be out of your hair
First thing in the morning.
You're not the problem.
It's my marriage.
My marriage is so screwed up.
I'll probably get divorced
and I'll die alone.
And that asshole can
just move on to someone new,
But what about me?
I'm 45.
Soon, I'll be 50.
Nobody takes 50-Year-olds
seriously
Because they're not a threat.
You're very threatening, okay?
And, hey.
You can easily pass for 37.
37?
See?
It's not all that bad.
It's bad.
He doesn't touch me anymore.
I can't remember
the last time that he kissed me.
And I need that.
I need to be kissed,
and I need to be touched,
And I need to be appreciated
After everything I've given up
for this family.
You've done a lot.
Yes, it's awful. It's unfair.
But you have to trust me.
You have to... look at me.
Y-You're gonna be fine.
He never even admitted it,
Even though I knew
That he was going outside
our marriage.
You know, time goes on.
I stop bringing it up
because after a little while,
I start feeling
like I'm the bad person
For harping on something
he never confessed to.
So tell Phil how you feel.
I mean,
tell him how you really feel.
And who knows?
Maybe you guys work things out
And you move on together,
or you don't
And you move on separately.
But at least you have closure,
and... and...
and in any case, you move on.
Maybe none of this
is meant to be.
You, me, Phil... grace.
Or maybe it's a sign
That things just need fixing.
Hey.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Just had to floss and...
those hard-To-Reach places.
I'm really happy
you're staying the night.
I'm happy, too.
Nice shot.
Thank you.
Sometimes, I think Simon sleeps
With a nine iron
under his pillow.
Yeah, he takes his golf
pretty seriously.
Yeah.
It's just a game.
Seems like grace
really likes you.
You like her?
Confidentially?
Absolutely.
- I like her.
- Good.
I like her more than I've liked
any other girl before.
- Think it's love?
- Oh.
I've only told one other girl
that I loved her,
And that did not end the way
that I expected it to, so...
yeah, they don't always.
Ah.
Do you think
your relationship with Maren...
do I think it's gonna end?
I was gonna say,
"do you think it's gonna last?"
I'm... all this...
all this tension
You're feeling
between you and Maren,
I think
if you really talk to her,
Like, really listened,
it'd be good.
Well, I talk.
I talk.
The problem is
that she doesn't listen.
Have you thought about...
just letting her talk?
How's that a conversation?
Phil, I... I honestly think
That women
sometimes don't want us
To have all the answers,
you know?
It's... it's like
doing nothing for them
Is better
than just saying anything
To say something to them.
Think about it. What do they...
what do they really want?
They want us...
to pay attention to them,
To... to touch them
And to show them affection And...
kiss them.
Yes! Yes!
Okay, harry. You're up.
I don't know.
I'm just speaking out loud.
What's wrong?
What do you mean?
You never buy me flowers.
Oh, well, I... I... thought
Maybe the house could use
a little color.
They're nice.
No flowers for me?
I thought the flowers
were for the whole house.
Oh. It's okay.
I got to take this call.
I'll be right back.
How deep are you in
mother/daughter ass right now?
I-I... dude,
I can't do this anymore, man.
I got to tell grace
what happened.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, amigo.
Bad idea.
I feel like
a complete hypocrite.
Here I am, I'm...
I'm dishing out marital advice
To Maren and her...
and her husband
About how they should
communicate openly and honestly,
And I can't even look grace
in the face
And tell her what happened.
Dude, you don't know
what the mom or will not say,
But you're definitely
gonna sabotage
Any chance with this girl
if you tell her the truth.
I cannot be in a relationship
based on dishonesty.
It's against my principles.
That is totally your fear of
commitment talking right now.
Jared, if I don't tell her,
I need to end things with her.
That's where I'm at right now.
Have you guys noticed
anything...
strange about harry?
Harry? No.
I've noticed.
- You have?
- You have?
Well, yeah,
But that's because he told me
that, um...
well, what did he tell you?
Oh, well, it's just...
just guy talk, you know?
Man-To-Man. Mano a Mano.
I think I put too much pressure
on him by having him meet you.
Well,
he was gonna meet me, anyway.
I think he's gonna break up
with me.
What? No!
No, he really likes you.
Maybe he's pretending
to like you
So dad will hire him.
- Liz.
- No, that makes sense.
He's been acting
really weird and distant.
I probably
shouldn't tell you this
Because he said it
in confidence,
But he told me he's never felt
about anyone
The way he feels about you.
- He said that?
- He said that?
Yeah.
He said he's never liked any
girl as much as he likes you.
Sweetheart, why don't you take
Liz dress shopping
For Kate's party?
Okay.
I'll see if harry wants to go.
Come on. Shopping.
We need to talk.
"Grace,
I want to tell you something
And I don't want you
to get mad."
That's awful.
"Grace, I got to tell you
something."
"Please don't judge me."
"Look, I'm just gonna be honest
with you."
"I need to tell you something."
Harry?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I need to tell you something.
And what I'm gonna say
Is going to change
our relationship significantly.
I know.
I'm ready.
Why don't you tell me what
you think it is I'm gonna say?
It's okay.
I'm scared to verbalize it, too.
I love you, too.
There. I said it.
Me, too.
I mean, I'm game to...
to have an honest, uh,
discussion with you.
About us.
Oh.
Okay.
Well...
I still haven't recovered
from your affair.
Honey,
I thought we got through this.
No, because you never admitted
to it.
Well, it's because
nothing ever happened.
Here we go again.
Why are we talking
About stuff from two years ago?
19 months.
And I thought you said
nothing happened.
What's wrong with you?
Is it... is it...
is it because you think
I'm gonna pack my bags and leave
If you tell me
what I already know?
All right, we kissed once.
But I think
I already told you that.
Yeah, who kisses someone once
at our age?
Well, that's...
that's what we did.
Just once.
For the love of Christ.
Please.
Just tell me the truth.
Okay.
I had an affair.
And it was a horrible mistake.
And I promise you that nothing
like that has happened since.
Did you have sex with her
in our bedroom?
No. Never.
Did you tell her you loved her?
No. No way.
Did she give you blow jobs?
That's ridiculous.
No.
- Yeah.
- No, no.
You don't get to do that.
It's my right to know this shit,
And you're gonna sit there,
And you're gonna answer
my ridiculous questions.
Did she give you blow jobs?
Yes.
Did you like them?
Yeah, I liked them.
More than mine?
No.
But they were more frequent.
Why did it end?
Because she was pressuring me,
And there was no way in hell
That I was gonna leave you
for her.
So she broke it off.
- No, I broke it off.
- Mm.
You kept it going.
No. I broke it off.
Look, I told you
that I liked her blow jobs.
Why would I lie about this?
I swear to you, I broke it off.
I slept with someone
in New York.
Last month.
Why can't you get angry?
I hate it when you don't show
your feelings.
Who was he?
It was a guy I met.
It lasted a weekend.
And I have to tell
you, I feel like...
I feel like
I want to do that again.
I don't want that.
Why not?
There's no need
to keep up appearances here.
It's an empty house.
Kids are gone.
I know this is just...
some sort of delayed reaction
because of what I did.
I get it.
But I-I believe we can fix this.
Because I still love you.
You're the only person
that I want to see
Before I close my eyes at night.
And I'm not looking
for anybody else.
I want to grow old with you.
Where's this coming from?
My heart.
And I-I did have some time
on the couch
To think about
this sort of stuff.
I'm sorry about that
little freak out last night.
But I took your advice.
And?
Well, I, um...
I think Phil and I just had
an honest conversation,
And that was really unexpected.
I'm gonna tell grace
what happened.
What?
I can't do this anymore, Maren.
I can't hide this from her.
It's eating away at me inside.
W-Why would you do that?
Why would you deliberately
hurt her?
I feel like I'm hurting her
by not telling her.
This is something I can't
not be honest about.
Oh, screw honesty!
What is the point
of telling her?
She told me she loves me.
And I feel guilty that I'm
pretending this didn't happen
And walking around
under the cloud of this mistake.
You cannot tell her.
You cannot tell grace.
This would have been
so much easier if we hadn't met.
I'm sorry.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, shit, shit.
Ooh, I like them both.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Let me take a picture
and send it to mom.
- Mom? What are you doing here?
- Hi, girls.
Well, I just thought I'd come by
So we can do some shopping
and have some fun.
- Harry just broke up with me.
- What?
Yeah, he couldn't even do it
in person.
He just did it
through an e-Mail.
It... it doesn't say
He's breaking up with you.
I-I-I...
this e-Mail is very vague.
Mom, are you crazy?
He says he doesn't feel
the same way.
It says... it says he wants
to remain friends,
And that's positive.
Just stop.
I'm an idiot.
No, no, no, sweetie.
Don't cry. Don't...
please don't cry.
I should have just
listened to you.
You know what?
I'm actually starting
to like him now,
And I think this is just
a little bit of healthy dialog.
- Dialog?
- Yes.
He couldn't even call me!
He dumped you.
Why would he call you?
Liz, please. No.
He didn't call you because...
because...
because he didn't mean it.
- Oh, he didn't mean it?
- He didn't mean it.
- He didn't mean it?
- He didn't mean it.
Wait a minute.
He didn't mean it.
No, he didn't even say it.
I said, "I love you,"
and he said, "I do, too."
I am so stupid.
No, no, no, sweetie.
I'm sure this is just
one big misunderstanding.
That's all it is. No, it's not.
I can't even be here right now.
- No, grace.
- I'm going back to the city.
Asshole.
Did you tell grace
what happened?
Why would I tell grace?
Maren, she just sent me a text
calling me a manipulative liar.
She won't take
any of my phone calls. Please.
Well,
I just talked to her, and...
she was, um, shaken
By your emotional indifference
earlier today.
Everything was fine with us
an hour ago.
Was it?
She didn't feel
you were being genuine.
About what?
About being in love.
If you don't love her,
just let her go.
At least you don't have to hurt
her feelings with the truth.
Harry!
Hey, you leaving already?
I just got off the phone
with Simon.
I figured you'd want to know
he made a decision.
We'd love to have you
on our team.
H.R. Is gonna be sending you
some paperwork to look over,
Okay?
Congratulations.
Thank you.
- She... she likes peaches.
- Is that right?
Happy graduation!
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
Thanks, guys.
They're the exact, same thing.
It would be, like...
Hold on one second. Sorry.
Yeah.
Are we still going on his boat?
I'm not sure
this is a good idea.
You know, grace hasn't returned
my phone calls.
What's he doing here?
Well, I-I invited harry,
sweetheart.
I-I thought
it might be a good idea
For him to talk to grace.
What if grace
doesn't want to talk to him?
Phil. You got a second?
- Oh, hey, Mario.
- Somebody I want you to meet.
All right,
hold on a second, harry.
I just want to talk to grace.
That's all.
Yeah. And tell her about us.
I'm not gonna tell her
about us, Maren.
- Really?
- Yes.
Maren, this has been
the worst week of my life.
Please. I'm not gonna cause
any problems.
Look...
I know you don't want
to talk to me right now,
But I just wanted to say that...
I was scared to say
how I truly felt
Back at your parents' house.
I was afraid of getting
too close and getting hurt
And I was a coward,
But that's why I'm here now,
To tell you how I really feel.
Grace, I love you, And
I know this is real
Because the thought of losing
you hurts me so much
That I can't sleep, I can't eat,
I can't even think straight.
I know you're mad at me,
And I'm sorry
for showing up unannounced,
But I really wanted to come here
and talk to you.
I'm so happy that you came.
I feel so close to you
right now.
I feel like
I've never been closer
To anybody else
in my entire life.
I-I feel like I always want us
to just share how we feel and...
and just be open
so that we never get hurt.
Yes! Grace, I don't ever
want to hurt you again.
- Yeah, no more secrets.
- I want to tell you everything.
And... and never keep anything
from each other.
- No more secrets.
- Yeah, no more secrets.
Before we started dating,
I slept with your mother.
- What?
- I know.
That night that I met you,
after I walked you home,
I went to a hotel bar,
And she was there,
and that's how we met.
And I'm just...
I want to lay this
all out there now
So that we can just get past it
And it won't come back
to haunt us.
We can just move forward
and be happy together.
You had sex with my mom?
It was a-A tiny mistake that...
that just happened
that one weekend.
But... but I'm glad
I'm telling you this now.
You had sex with my mom.
I'm... I'm glad I'm getting
this off my chest,
'Cause I don't want to hide
this from you anymore and...
you sex with my mom?!
Why are you telling me this?!
I was under the assumption
That we are going to be honest
with each other.
- Not about this!
- About everything.
Sweetheart, what's going on?
Oh.
Grace.
Don't leave! Grace!
No, I know, sweetie.
I know.
Well, why don't you try
to talk to her?
Okay.
No, I understand.
Well,
try to get some rest tonight,
And we'll talk in the morning,
okay?
I love you, too.
All right, good night.
I've made up the couch.
You're kidding.
It's for me.
I'll sleep downstairs.
Maren.
Wait a minute.
How is she?
Well, she is very upset.
Does she hate me?
I've been saving the good stuff
For a, uh, special occasion.
You fucked harry.
Truly sorry.
You fucked
your daughter's boyfriend.
You fucked
your daughter's boyfriend.
That's...
stop it.
I can't help it.
It's amazing.
That's just...
how could you do that to dad?
You're right. I'm sorry.
Dad's perfect.
What are you saying?
I knew it.
I knew something was going on
with you guys.
We screwed up, sweetie.
We both screwed up.
We took each other for granted.
You know, people think
just because you have kids,
You somehow know
what you're doing.
As if having a family
makes you perfect, right?
It doesn't.
It's hard.
It's hard work.
And I'm not saying having
an affair is the answer,
Because it's not.
Sometimes it takes
almost losing something
To make you remember why
you left it in the first place.
Sweetie,
I know you care about him.
All he did
was tell you the truth.
Every time I open myself up
to him, he hurts me.
Whether it's him...
telling me about you
Or writing me an e-mail
to break up with me.
I wrote that.
It wasn't supposed to get sent.
That... that part
was an accident,
But... but I wrote it.
He was gonna tell you
everything.
And I... I-I-I panicked.
I love you so much.
And I-I-I couldn't bear
the thought of hurting you,
And, of course, then I ended up
hurting you, and...
I am so sorry.
That is so fucked up.
So fucked up.
Look.
He wanted to be with you so bad
That he was willing
to risk losing you.
So?
I... what do you want me to do?
I don't know what to do.
I'm saying
do what makes you happy.
Whoo!
It's okay. It's okay.
Just getting warmed up.
You are just getting warmed up.
Whoo! Yes!
Whoo! Yeah!
That's how you do it!
You're the man! Whoo! Yeah!
Hey, you ready
to make it happen, harry?
Okay, look, before you close
the door in my face,
'Cause I know you're mad
And you probably
don't want me here right now,
Just let me
get this off my chest.
I've been thinking a lot
about you and me and...
I can't believe
we haven't had sex.
Well, what are you waiting for?
all figured out, right?
I read this article online,
actually an in-Depth blog,
And it was saying how
they consistently have better,
More-Fulfilling relationships
than Americans
Because they aren't so...
so goal-Oriented
When it comes to love.
They don't judge a relationship
based on the final outcome.
They value the actual journey.
Look, dude. You can't keep beating
yourself up over what happened.
I broke up with her, Jared.
It's been over a year.
I give you permission to knock
the dust off your Schvantz.
And now you speak Yiddish?
Motherfucker,
I was bar Mitzvahed.
Shit, man.
At least you got that ring back.
That's pretty key.
You didn't get the ring back.
I don't want to talk about it.
- Yeah.
- You're a disgrace.
Yeah,
I'm just getting warmed up.
Dude, come here.
Come here, come here.
Check it out. Right there.
She's checking you out.
She's checking you out.
Hey, go over there
and ask them to bowl with us.
I'm... dude, no.
Dude, would you...
s-She's checking you out again
a second time.
She checked you out again!
She's scanning the room.
Just let it go.
Dude,
she is not scanning the room.
Dude, if you don't
go over there, I will.
Do it right now.
I'm not - Dude, stop it.
Let it go.
No. Here she - Here she comes.
- Are you serious?
- She's right...
- hey.
- Hey.
Um, I was just wondering if
you had an extra 12-Pounder.
Um, well,
I-I just have this one,
But we can share it if you want.
Or you know what? Just take it.
Oh. No, don't worry about it.
You're kind of on a roll here,
so...
thank you.
I'll look for another one.
It's fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
- No, it's okay.
- Yeah, sorry.
Hey, you guys
Should totally join us
for a game of bowling.
We're just by ourselves here
in this big lane.
Oh, yeah, sure. That'd be fun.
- Awesome.
- All right.
Okay, yeah, cool.
Are you gonna
buy us a drink if we win?
You know,
we'll buy you a drink anyway,
Because chivalry is still alive,
believe it or not.
- Oh. All right.
- Yeah. I like that.
- Oh!
- Yeah!
Okay, okay!
We can work with that.
We can work with that.
All right, take a deep breath.
Aah!
- Oh!
- Oh!
Oh!
Um, well, this is me.
Nice.
Thank you so much
for walking me.
Yeah, no problem.
I had fun... tonight.
Yeah.
We should definitely
hang out again.
Um, yeah.
I mean... ugh.
I should have told you
this earlier, but, um...
I'm seeing someone.
Well, we've only been
on two dates,
But, um,
I did promise him a third.
I-I think we should
go on a date.
What's the worst
that could happen?
Come on.
Just give me your phone.
Sure. Think about it.
Okay.
Okay.
- Well, bye.
- Bye.
Mm.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Dinner.
- As friends.
- Yeah.
Bye.
You know, what's funny is
a month ago,
This would have been
a different story.
She promised
this guy a third date.
Ugh. I'm unlucky.
It's like
every girl in this town,
They're playing a game,
you know?
And the hotter the chick...
pbht!
The crazier the game.
I'm good, man.
This one's on her.
Thanks.
I, um... I usually
don't drink alone.
So don't.
I'm harry.
- I'm Maren.
- Hi, Maren.
So... Maren.
Do you stay at this hotel?
Yeah. I'm here for the weekend.
Doing some open houses.
I live in Westchester.
Wow. That's pretty fancy.
Yeah.
But I get to see my kids
when I'm in town.
Your kids?
You don't have kids.
You have three kids.
She has three kids.
Wow.
One's in college
here in the city.
Were you pregnant
in middle school?
Oh. Cute.
I bet you say that
to all the moms.
You divorced?
Hey, you know what?
It's his loss.
So, harry... why are
you drinking alone?
What?
Mm.
Okay.
I have a confession to make.
- Really? What?
- Yeah.
It's been a year
since I've had sex.
Whoa. You married?
What?
No, no. No.
Um...
my fiance cheated on me.
Awhile back.
Okay.
We'll go slow.
Mm?
Want to hand me that glass?
I have a confession to make,
too.
What's that?
I'm nervous, too.
You're nervous, too?
That's good.
That's good. Nervous is good.
You want to try something fun?
Okay.
It's like in high school.
Remember?
I did not do that
in high school.
You didn't?
Well, we went to different
schools, probably.
Yeah.
I went on a date tonight.
My first in a really,
really long time.
And, um...
it was with this guy
I hadn't seen since college.
You know how things get built up
over e-Mail and text?
And... and we met. It was weird.
Why was it weird?
Well, let's start with... size.
Was he, like... 50
pounds heavier than...
oh, I was thinking something
completely different.
That's when
I should have left, right?
But I stayed,
And he started
sucking my fingers at dinner.
Who does that?
Hey.
I want you to know
That not every guy out there
is gonna be like him.
You know, we're not all flabby,
dishonest...
finger sucking
at the dinner table weirdos.
Let's not put
any pressure on tonight.
Whatever it is is what it is.
I'm so confused.
I set it all up for you.
I just can't believe
you didn't nail her.
I walked her home.
I actually liked her.
It's always about
nailing somebody.
Why do you always
have to nail somebody?
Okay.
Then you went out Han solo,
Nailed a new chick
after getting rejected.
It's different,
and I wasn't rejected.
We... you know,
we... we parted amicably.
- You at least make out?
- No.
But... we're supposed
to go out to dinner.
Mm-Hmm. Yeah.
And that relationship's dead.
You think so?
Why do you think it's dead?
Have you ever
successfully dated a girl
Where you didn't get
some small kiss
Or some inkling of progression
by the night's end?
I got her number.
Meaningless without a make out.
But you know what?
Tell me about the second one.
I don't know.
The sec... the second one
was a one-Night thing.
It was... it was nothing.
- Was she hot?
- Yeah.
- Older.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
- Older. Okay.
Now you can reapproach
the first girl
With that confidence
you were lacking.
I'm confused.
I thought you just said
the first one was dead.
You can text her
something naughty.
Like, what is she, uh...
you know, what kind of panties
does she wear?
Like, oh, is she loud...
she's seeing someone else, okay?
Scratch her off the list.
Text the milf something dirty.
She's totally your strong hand.
I'm not texting anybody.
You have a golden opportunity
To have a little fun with
zero chance of getting hurt.
- Shh. Shh, shh. Hello?
- Zero chance.
Oh, hey.
All right, yeah. Bye.
- Who was that?
- It was the second one.
She wanted to hang out later,
so we might, you know...
Jared, stop that.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm just maybe
grabbing a coffee with her.
Look at me. That's it.
God.
Oh, god.
Your secret's gonna come out.
What secret?
When all the other girls
find out how good you are,
I'm gonna have to beat them
off you with a stick.
I'm just messing with you.
I wouldn't want this to be
anything more than what it is.
Hmm?
Yeah.
Tell me about the girl
from yesterday.
What girl from yesterday?
You know.
What girl from yesterday?
The one that got you all
bent out of shape at the bar.
Is she cute?
Come on.
She... yeah.
I thought we had a connection,
And then she told me
that she was seeing another guy,
And she had, uh, she had
promised this guy a third date,
So... anyway, that
was it, you know?
It's over.
What?
No, it's not over!
- It is very much over.
- No!
Text her.
Right now?
Yeah.
She just wants to be friends.
She's playing hard to get.
You're unbelievable.
I can't believe
you're encouraging this.
You know what? I'll text her.
No. You will not.
You will not text anyone,
young lady.
I will text her.
When I get home.
Text her now.
If she answers right back,
It's because she likes you.
I'll see if she wants
to grab dinner tonight.
It's too last minute.
It's as if you weren't
really thinking about her.
Ask her to something
more casual,
Like coffee or lunch.
How about
I invite her to brunch?
"Hey.
You... want to grab... brunch
sometime?"
"Brunch tomorrow" question mark.
Light.
"Brunch tomorrow" question mark.
Send.
You know what I love
about New York city?
- Um, the rats?
- Nope.
- Pollution?
- Nope.
- Construction?
- Yes!
Construction. I was...
they're always building stuff.
Like, what are they building?
I don't know. It's New York.
You don't do construction,
do you?
No, I work in I.T. Sales.
- Really? I.T.
- Mm-Hmm.
I thought you were gonna say
something sexier,
Like... actuarial science.
Well, what do you do?
Uh, I don't do anything.
Tell me more.
I don't do nothing.
I'm... I'm in school.
I'm finishing up a two-Year
grad program at Columbia.
Studying architecture.
Oh, no way.
My dad's an architect.
Get out of here.
Yeah, he's a partner
at Kenner and Boyd.
K&B? Wow.
I'm supposed to interview
with them next week.
Oh, well, I'll make sure
he keeps an eye out for you.
So, um...
I need... I need
your male advice for something.
Okay. Shoot.
I went on the third date
with that guy last night.
And I don't know.
We just had an okay time.
Was it... was it good okay?
Was it... was it bad okay?
First of all, he doesn't make
any plan for dinner.
Okay?
And then he says,
"Oh, we'll just go
wherever you want to go."
So we end up just, like,
spending an hour
Walking
the streets of no reservation
- Looking for a table.
- No.
You don't have your date
walk the streets in heels
When you can just use an app.
You mean the app for his...
flip phone?
Are you serious? Ugh.
Grace, Grace. No.
- He has a flip phone?
- Yeah.
What kind of batteries
does that thing take?
Is it like AA or AAA?
Oh, I know.
Oh. It's him.
It's, uh, it's flip phone.
He's apologizing
for the restaurant debacle.
Hmm.
You're...
you're gonna see him again?
He says he wants to meet today
for coffee.
Why so soon after our last date?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I mean, coffee today
Just seems really last minute,
It's like he's not even
thinking about you.
You think?
Or he really likes you
and he wants to see you again.
You're the best. Thanks.
No problem.
Well, um, I feel foolish.
I mean, there's a part of me
that feels naive.
I wonder why I ever got
my hopes up to begin with.
Look, I-I-It's not working out.
I have to accept that.
I have to accept that
She just...
she likes some other clown.
Take off your pants.
You know she's with him
right now.
They're out having coffee.
Coffee? Yeah, right.
Girls play games, sweetheart.
You never played any games.
Mm. I don't have to play games.
- It's her.
- Mm-Hmm.
He broke up with her.
Mm. Sad.
"I can really use
someone to talk to right now.
Are you free?"
She wants to see me.
Great.
No, no. She wants to see me.
I mean,
you of all people should know
This is
a pretty critical moment.
I understand.
But I'd really like to have sex
before I leave.
Hmm?
I-I don't... I don't think
this is a good idea.
Why not?
Um...
'cause I might be starting
something with this girl.
Wait.
One minute ago,
it was okay to have sex,
And now it's not?
I mean, technically,
I didn't have a shot
with this girl a minute ago,
So now I'm just like,
"I can't sleep with you
And then run off to see her."
It's not like you're cheating.
No, I know. It...
it's just dishonest.
I-I don't want
to start a new relationship off
On the wrong foot.
This is new.
Yeah, this is new.
But we both agree that this was
gonna be a fun weekend thing.
Why would you
even come back here
If you think so little of me?
You get one text from that girl
and I'm out?
You were the one that
encouraged me to ask her out.
What did she say?
Don't come back.
Are you serious?
Maren, this is stupid.
Let's just talk about this
like adults.
You are selfish.
You don't care who you hurt.
Please leave.
Go.
Fine.
I'm sorry.
- No, you know what?
- No.
Don't talk.
Whatever.
I've done nothing wrong.
Hey.
Thank you for taking me up
to meet your dad.
I really appreciate it.
Yeah, of course.
You know, I think it's good
That you didn't meet him
during your interview,
'Cause this is way more relaxed.
Do I look nervous?
No?
Don't be nervous.
He's super cool,
and he makes a mean barbecue.
I am starving.
Me, too.
I can't walk into my parents'
house looking all flushed.
Okay, just make a left
into this driveway.
Well... here goes nothing.
Don't worry.
There they are!
Oh!
Hi, sweetheart. How are you?
Hello. You must be harry.
- Nice to meet you, sir.
- No, call me Phil.
Call me Phil. Come on in.
Where's mom?
Uh, she's out finishing up
some gardening.
So the drive up was okay?
Yeah.
We just took 95 all the way.
And we brought wine.
Red. That is perfect.
Let's have some.
- Sounds good.
- Okay.
The interviewer said
good things about you, harry.
Thank you.
That's always good to hear.
What other firms
are you meeting with?
A handful of others.
Miller and Samuels, design inc.,
The Marcus company, the foundry.
Oh. Chicago.
You'd leave New York?
I don't really want to, but...
any offers?
Not yet, but hopefully,
someone will make one soon.
Hopefully.
You got your degree
at Columbia, right?
- For grad school, yes.
- And undergrad?
- Dartmouth.
- Oh.
"Animal house" is one of
my all-Time favorite movies.
Phil, I got to tell you,
uh, this house is amazing.
Did you build this?
I just did
some major renovations.
The original contractor
was a crook.
He used the wrong materials.
He cut a lot of corners.
Part of the foundation
was sinking
Four years after it was done.
That's not good.
No, I was so busy
with work at the firm,
I didn't even know what
was happening in my own home.
That's crazy.
- Hi!
- Hi!
Hi, sweetie! You're early.
I am? I thought I said 5:00.
- Really?
- I don't know.
Want some wine, hon?
Mom, are you okay?
Yeah. No.
No, I'm not okay.
I thi... I think I'm overheating.
Well, you were out there
for a long time.
That sun's a real killer.
- I'm so hot.
- I'll get you some water.
Thank you.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. Stop fussing.
We're out of, um, bottles.
In the pantry.
Well, maybe you should go
lie down, huh?
No. Just go start the grill.
All right. Okay.
The fuck are you doing here?!
You said you were divorced!
What are you doing
with my daughter?
Oh, your daughter?
You mean "the one I was all bent
out of shape about at the bar"?
Oh, god.
- I found it.
- Hey!
Oh, mom. You look worse.
I'm just dehydrated.
Um, hey, I'm gonna go help
your dad with the grill.
No. No.
I want you right here.
I have so much to ask you about.
So, how'd you two meet?
Um, we were actually both
out bowling one night.
Oh.
You know, as someone
from an older generation,
I'm fascinated
by how dating works these days.
What do you mean?
Well, back in the days
of your grandparents,
Or even back when we met,
Things just moved a lot slower.
There was no internet,
no social media, no texting.
I remember being so nervous
when I picked up the phone
To ask your mother out
on our first date,
That I must have hung up
10 times
Before I actually dialed
at last.
Texting has got to be a lot
easier than that.
And, you know, e-Mailing...
let me tell you.
That has made coursework
so much easier.
Harry,
did you text or call first?
- You texted, remember?
- I texted?
I texted.
Yes. My mind's a sieve.
Must have been some other floozy
you were calling.
Oh, no.
I believe
that the best relationships
Start as friendships.
Yeah, dad.
I've heard this one before.
Well, I'll say it again.
It's what makes the relationship
I have with your mother
That much stronger.
So you two
are more like friends?
Of course we're friends.
So, it's platonic?
Well, like Phil so wisely said,
Um, you know,
the best relationships
Are... founded on friendship.
Oh.
So you two are just friends?
We're dating.
Wait, I'm... I'm confused.
Which... which is it?
Maren, I don't think we need
to label every little detail.
No, I don't see this
as every little detail.
I'd like to know what kind of
relationship our daughter is in.
Mom, please.
We're dating. The end.
Yeah, you say that,
But it seems as if harry
is saying one thing
And you're saying another thing.
Back when your dad and I
were going out,
It wasn't until
we were physically intimate
That we both agreed
that we were dating.
Mom!
If you want to know if harry
and I have had sex, just ask.
We haven't had sex.
- Harry!
- I'm sorry.
Can we please change
the subject?
Yes. Please.
Let's just change the subject.
I'd like some more wine, please.
In a bit, Maren.
I'd like some more wine now.
I think you've had enough
for now.
Jesus Christ!
Excuse me.
Did somebody say something
to piss you off?
Have you seen the mustard?
I don't know.
Maybe it's on the table.
You are being so rude to harry.
Uh, we're considering him
for a position,
And grace seems
to really like him.
I don't like him.
He's a phony.
Maren, if this is about me
And whatever problem
you have with me,
You don't need to take it out
on our daughter's friend.
Oh. I'm guilty
for your indiscretions?
My...
my past whatever
you want to call them
And you being rude to harry
Have absolutely nothing
to do with each other.
Nothing.
Oh, really?
Yes. Yes. Really.
What?
What?
Nothing.
You know what?
You've been drinking.
And I don't want to argue with
you when you're in this state,
Especially when we have company.
I love it.
I say what's on my mind,
And you say
it's because I've been drinking,
Because we can't have
a conversation.
Well, sweetheart,
you are drinking,
And we're having a conversation.
I'm gonna ask you to have
This exact same conversation
tomorrow morning,
And I will be
stone-Fucking-Cold sober.
And guess what?
I'm sure you will be.
I will say the exact same things
And they will have had
nothing...
my mom is driving me nuts.
She's acting really weird.
I-I just... I don't know
what she acts like normally,
So I don't have a scale.
What's wrong?
Maybe it's best if I leave
And give your parents
some space.
You think?
Yeah.
Um...
Yeah. You know what?
I'm not feeling very well.
- Oh?
- Uh...
I think I need to get some air.
- We're outside.
- I think it's the food.
It's the food.
Oh, no. It's the food?
It's not the food.
It's my... it's me.
It's my ibs.
I think my ibs is acting up.
- Irritable bowel syndrome?
- Mm-Hmm.
You were just talking about
Your cast-Iron stomach
the other day.
I know. It's weird.
Aside from a mild
lactose intolerance,
I'm usually ironclad, but, uh...
oh, man.
You know,
I'm gonna go to the pharmacy.
No, no, no.
It's around the corner.
I'll go. It's fine.
Harry needs lactose pills.
Yeah. Ugh.
- You do?
- Mm-Hmm.
Uh, my stomach's not in the best
of moods right now.
So I told... I was gonna go
to the pharmacy.
I'll drive you.
Grace just offered.
It'll give us some time to chat.
Honestly, I don't want
to inconvenience you.
I insist.
I think it's a good idea.
Grace and I can catch up
on a few things.
Um... you know, I'm thinking
it might be just best
If I head out a little early,
'Cause I'm gonna be spending the
night at my buddy Jared's place,
So if I get...
just get in the car.
I'm... I'm sorry
I'm not feeling well.
You can tell me the truth.
I can handle it.
Your food is really good.
It's delicious.
And my stomach pains
are in no way
Meant to impugn your cooking.
It's not about my cooking.
It's about Maren.
I know you're uncomfortable.
But think about how I feel.
I have to live with this
every day.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Phil.
When I agreed
to meet grace's parents
Nothing could have prepared me
to see Maren face-To-Face.
I want to apologize
for my behavior.
I feel awful.
- You want to apologize?
- Yes.
You feel awful?
I do.
What'd you do?
You were invited to dinner.
You had no idea you were gonna
walk into all that tension.
Maren and I,
We've been having struggles
for awhile now,
And it's... I feel really badly
That you got dragged
into the middle of it.
I'm embarrassed.
And I know you're uncomfortable.
Little bit.
I-I-I want to apologize.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Apology accepted.
Good.
Thanks.
Well,
I'm glad we cleared the air.
I feel better.
Oof.
I'm not washing anything by hand
tonight.
No, just put everything in here.
Get rid of it. Yeah. Put it in.
Honey...
you really like this guy, huh?
Yeah, I think I do.
Mm.
But he is a little old for you,
isn't he?
Mom.
We're just dating, okay?
We're not getting married
or anything.
We're just...
you know, we're getting
to know each other.
We're figuring it out.
Yeah.
I just don't want you
rushing into situations
Before you're emotionally ready.
Oh.
You mean like
how you and dad had me
Before you were prepared?
Okay.
We did initially
rush into things,
But that was then,
and look at us now.
I need to ask you something.
Okay.
Is dad having an affair?
No.
No. Of course not.
I don't... I don't know.
What is it?
Are you having an affair?
Honey!
Sweetheart, please.
It just... it just feels
really weird in this house.
I don't know. Am I imagining it?
There's nothing going on,
sweetie.
Here.
Room for this?
Yeah.
Uh, I'll meet you
at the register.
Okay.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Those are your eyes, baby.
That nose... the nose
is definitely yours.
Okay, maybe it's my nose,
but those are your eyes.
You think so?
Yeah, that's what you look like.
Yo.
I am in some serious shit
right now, man.
The mom that I slept with
a month ago?
Uh-Huh.
Grace's mother!
- No fudging way.
- What?
Yeah, fudging way.
Now I'm stuck in a house
with her and grace.
That is incredible.
I d... I'm freaking out, man.
I got to bail.
- No, no, no, no, no. Bad move.
- Wait. What?
The most important thing
in this situation right now,
You are one step away
From having a mother/daughter
threesome.
Oh, my god. He's about to have
a mother-Daughter threesome.
Ew! Ew!
I never did this
when I was single. Jesus!
I'm not having a
mother/daughter threesome!
Dude, I need you to be serious
right now.
The husband has no idea
I had sex with his wife.
- There's a husband?
- Yes!
Don't worry about it.
She is not gonna want
To reveal the affair
any more than you do.
You'll be completely fine.
Are you kidding?
I think she wants a divorce.
Play it cool.
No open affection toward her
in front of the mother.
I'm just coming over to you.
Don't feed her
at the dinner table. Do not...
- you all set?
- Yeah.
We have leftovers, sweetie.
No, thanks.
I saw a documentary at school
on the food industry.
I am done with meat.
Well,
60 minutes of sugar is toxic.
Better than mad cow.
We're back!
How did it go?
I made it.
Yay!
- How's things here?
- Good.
Harry, this is my sister, Liz.
Hey. Hey, Liz.
So, uh... you know,
I-I-I think I'm actually
gonna head out.
No! Already?
Well, Jared's expecting me,
And I don't
want to keep him waiting.
Oh, well, you know,
you really don't look 100%.
I think that maybe you should,
like, lie down or rest.
Really?
Well, that's... I feel great.
Harry, do you play golf?
Who doesn't?
That's good.
I have an 8:47 tee time
With a managing partner
at the firm.
You should join us.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- That sounds amazing. Yeah.
- Good.
Well, you should
just spend the night, then.
Yeah,
you can sleep in Kate's bedroom.
She's still at NYU, so...
it's empty.
I-I could sleep in Kate's room.
Yeah, you know,
or, you know what I'll do?
No, no. The golf course
is literally around the corner.
- It's not a big issue.
- Just stay the night.
- Listen.
- Grace.
I think harry is saying
he has plans.
It's absolutely no inconvenience
If you want to stay
in Kate's room.
Ugh, Phil, look at me.
I'm not in the proper attire.
Well, we're about the same size.
Figure something out for you.
Um... well, I guess.
It's a done deal.
You're golfing in the morning,
And you're staying
in Kate's room.
- Yay!
- Good.
Yay. Staying in Kate's room.
- I'll let the partner know.
- All right.
I'll get my bag.
What the fuck are you doing?!
What? He made me stay!
I could have burned your ass
When you took your fake sick
to... to the pharmacy.
And you chose to stay?!
Give me a break.
Burn my ass,
and your ass gets burned.
I've decided to tell my husband.
Okay.
Are you out of your mind?!
Mmhmm.
You shouldn't have
a problem with that,
Since, according to you,
relationships need
To be founded
on a bedrock of honesty.
Do not throw my words
into my face!
You know there are exceptions
to that rule.
I am not prepared to tell grace.
I owe it to her
to tell her what happened.
Oh, bullshit!
You're the one that lied
about being divorced.
I never said I was divorced.
- Yes, you did.
- No! You assumed.
I think you're just jealous.
You're jealous of me and grace.
- Oh, please.
- Admit it.
What we had was purely physical.
It was only about sex.
What are you going to do?
Why'd you make harry stay
when you know I'm not a fan?
W-W-What do you have
against him?
I shouldn't have to justify
my feelings
About who gets to stay
in this house.
It's my house, too.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to fight tonight.
I haven't had a drink
in two hours.
I'd really like to talk.
I really want to be fresh for
my golf game tomorrow morning.
Can we just talk about this
tomorrow?
No. No.
I want to talk now.
Fine.
What do you want to talk about?
I want to talk about harry.
I just thought
that it would be easier
If we all left together
in the morning.
What is the big deal?
You knew how I felt.
And you didn't care.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Should I have him
go sleep in his car?
He was leaving
to stay at a friend's house,
But you insisted he stay
just to contradict me.
No, I didn't.
I just want him to meet
my partner on the golf course.
He was gonna meet you in
the morning at the golf course!
I already told you. I'm sorry.
Yes, because you'll say anything
Not to have this conversation.
Then why don't you
just tell our daughter
Who she can and cannot date?
That way we can all disregard
each other's feelings.
That's rich, coming from you.
You're an asshole.
Besides,
grace is too young for him.
He's got bags under his eyes
and a thin upper lip.
Maren?
No.
Grace.
You thought I was my mom?
No, no.
Uh, hey. Is everything okay?
I don't know.
Is everything okay?
Holy shit.
I've always wanted to have sex
in the house I grew up in.
I know, but I don't want to
wake your mom and dad up.
You've been very patient.
I know,
but your parents are right here.
So what? It's not like
we're in high school.
Yeah.
Okay.
Grace, I really don't feel
comfortable pressuring you.
Is it my outfit?
- Is it too much?
- No. No, hey.
You look amazing.
Like, amazing amazing.
It's just I'm... I'm here,
And it's...
it's a strange house.
It's... like,
the house isn't that st...
what the fuck was that?
- What? What?
- Listen. Shh.
I heard something.
You need to relax.
Oh, my god. Okay.
You know what I'm gonna do?
Hey. Hey, babe.
You know what I'm gonna do? Mm?
I'm just gonna go...
I'm gonna go and brush my teeth.
And then I'm... I'm gonna
come back here after...
after I brush them,
So you don't go anywhere, okay?
- Okay.
- All right.
- Be right back.
- Okay.
You're gonna go back in there.
You're gonna tell her
you're tired.
You're gonna tell her
you're very, very tired.
You need to get
a good night's sleep
So you can impress her dad
and his partner
At the golf course tomorrow,
And you're gonna be out
of this house,
You're gonna be home free.
It's all you got to do.
No, no, no, no.
Hey! Psst! Psst! Psst!
Come... come here. In here.
I hav... I have to brush
my teeth.
I'm really sorry
for getting worked up earlier.
I'm sorry for yelling at you.
Look, I promise
I'll be out of your hair
First thing in the morning.
You're not the problem.
It's my marriage.
My marriage is so screwed up.
I'll probably get divorced
and I'll die alone.
And that asshole can
just move on to someone new,
But what about me?
I'm 45.
Soon, I'll be 50.
Nobody takes 50-Year-olds
seriously
Because they're not a threat.
You're very threatening, okay?
And, hey.
You can easily pass for 37.
37?
See?
It's not all that bad.
It's bad.
He doesn't touch me anymore.
I can't remember
the last time that he kissed me.
And I need that.
I need to be kissed,
and I need to be touched,
And I need to be appreciated
After everything I've given up
for this family.
You've done a lot.
Yes, it's awful. It's unfair.
But you have to trust me.
You have to... look at me.
Y-You're gonna be fine.
He never even admitted it,
Even though I knew
That he was going outside
our marriage.
You know, time goes on.
I stop bringing it up
because after a little while,
I start feeling
like I'm the bad person
For harping on something
he never confessed to.
So tell Phil how you feel.
I mean,
tell him how you really feel.
And who knows?
Maybe you guys work things out
And you move on together,
or you don't
And you move on separately.
But at least you have closure,
and... and...
and in any case, you move on.
Maybe none of this
is meant to be.
You, me, Phil... grace.
Or maybe it's a sign
That things just need fixing.
Hey.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Just had to floss and...
those hard-To-Reach places.
I'm really happy
you're staying the night.
I'm happy, too.
Nice shot.
Thank you.
Sometimes, I think Simon sleeps
With a nine iron
under his pillow.
Yeah, he takes his golf
pretty seriously.
Yeah.
It's just a game.
Seems like grace
really likes you.
You like her?
Confidentially?
Absolutely.
- I like her.
- Good.
I like her more than I've liked
any other girl before.
- Think it's love?
- Oh.
I've only told one other girl
that I loved her,
And that did not end the way
that I expected it to, so...
yeah, they don't always.
Ah.
Do you think
your relationship with Maren...
do I think it's gonna end?
I was gonna say,
"do you think it's gonna last?"
I'm... all this...
all this tension
You're feeling
between you and Maren,
I think
if you really talk to her,
Like, really listened,
it'd be good.
Well, I talk.
I talk.
The problem is
that she doesn't listen.
Have you thought about...
just letting her talk?
How's that a conversation?
Phil, I... I honestly think
That women
sometimes don't want us
To have all the answers,
you know?
It's... it's like
doing nothing for them
Is better
than just saying anything
To say something to them.
Think about it. What do they...
what do they really want?
They want us...
to pay attention to them,
To... to touch them
And to show them affection And...
kiss them.
Yes! Yes!
Okay, harry. You're up.
I don't know.
I'm just speaking out loud.
What's wrong?
What do you mean?
You never buy me flowers.
Oh, well, I... I... thought
Maybe the house could use
a little color.
They're nice.
No flowers for me?
I thought the flowers
were for the whole house.
Oh. It's okay.
I got to take this call.
I'll be right back.
How deep are you in
mother/daughter ass right now?
I-I... dude,
I can't do this anymore, man.
I got to tell grace
what happened.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, amigo.
Bad idea.
I feel like
a complete hypocrite.
Here I am, I'm...
I'm dishing out marital advice
To Maren and her...
and her husband
About how they should
communicate openly and honestly,
And I can't even look grace
in the face
And tell her what happened.
Dude, you don't know
what the mom or will not say,
But you're definitely
gonna sabotage
Any chance with this girl
if you tell her the truth.
I cannot be in a relationship
based on dishonesty.
It's against my principles.
That is totally your fear of
commitment talking right now.
Jared, if I don't tell her,
I need to end things with her.
That's where I'm at right now.
Have you guys noticed
anything...
strange about harry?
Harry? No.
I've noticed.
- You have?
- You have?
Well, yeah,
But that's because he told me
that, um...
well, what did he tell you?
Oh, well, it's just...
just guy talk, you know?
Man-To-Man. Mano a Mano.
I think I put too much pressure
on him by having him meet you.
Well,
he was gonna meet me, anyway.
I think he's gonna break up
with me.
What? No!
No, he really likes you.
Maybe he's pretending
to like you
So dad will hire him.
- Liz.
- No, that makes sense.
He's been acting
really weird and distant.
I probably
shouldn't tell you this
Because he said it
in confidence,
But he told me he's never felt
about anyone
The way he feels about you.
- He said that?
- He said that?
Yeah.
He said he's never liked any
girl as much as he likes you.
Sweetheart, why don't you take
Liz dress shopping
For Kate's party?
Okay.
I'll see if harry wants to go.
Come on. Shopping.
We need to talk.
"Grace,
I want to tell you something
And I don't want you
to get mad."
That's awful.
"Grace, I got to tell you
something."
"Please don't judge me."
"Look, I'm just gonna be honest
with you."
"I need to tell you something."
Harry?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I need to tell you something.
And what I'm gonna say
Is going to change
our relationship significantly.
I know.
I'm ready.
Why don't you tell me what
you think it is I'm gonna say?
It's okay.
I'm scared to verbalize it, too.
I love you, too.
There. I said it.
Me, too.
I mean, I'm game to...
to have an honest, uh,
discussion with you.
About us.
Oh.
Okay.
Well...
I still haven't recovered
from your affair.
Honey,
I thought we got through this.
No, because you never admitted
to it.
Well, it's because
nothing ever happened.
Here we go again.
Why are we talking
About stuff from two years ago?
19 months.
And I thought you said
nothing happened.
What's wrong with you?
Is it... is it...
is it because you think
I'm gonna pack my bags and leave
If you tell me
what I already know?
All right, we kissed once.
But I think
I already told you that.
Yeah, who kisses someone once
at our age?
Well, that's...
that's what we did.
Just once.
For the love of Christ.
Please.
Just tell me the truth.
Okay.
I had an affair.
And it was a horrible mistake.
And I promise you that nothing
like that has happened since.
Did you have sex with her
in our bedroom?
No. Never.
Did you tell her you loved her?
No. No way.
Did she give you blow jobs?
That's ridiculous.
No.
- Yeah.
- No, no.
You don't get to do that.
It's my right to know this shit,
And you're gonna sit there,
And you're gonna answer
my ridiculous questions.
Did she give you blow jobs?
Yes.
Did you like them?
Yeah, I liked them.
More than mine?
No.
But they were more frequent.
Why did it end?
Because she was pressuring me,
And there was no way in hell
That I was gonna leave you
for her.
So she broke it off.
- No, I broke it off.
- Mm.
You kept it going.
No. I broke it off.
Look, I told you
that I liked her blow jobs.
Why would I lie about this?
I swear to you, I broke it off.
I slept with someone
in New York.
Last month.
Why can't you get angry?
I hate it when you don't show
your feelings.
Who was he?
It was a guy I met.
It lasted a weekend.
And I have to tell
you, I feel like...
I feel like
I want to do that again.
I don't want that.
Why not?
There's no need
to keep up appearances here.
It's an empty house.
Kids are gone.
I know this is just...
some sort of delayed reaction
because of what I did.
I get it.
But I-I believe we can fix this.
Because I still love you.
You're the only person
that I want to see
Before I close my eyes at night.
And I'm not looking
for anybody else.
I want to grow old with you.
Where's this coming from?
My heart.
And I-I did have some time
on the couch
To think about
this sort of stuff.
I'm sorry about that
little freak out last night.
But I took your advice.
And?
Well, I, um...
I think Phil and I just had
an honest conversation,
And that was really unexpected.
I'm gonna tell grace
what happened.
What?
I can't do this anymore, Maren.
I can't hide this from her.
It's eating away at me inside.
W-Why would you do that?
Why would you deliberately
hurt her?
I feel like I'm hurting her
by not telling her.
This is something I can't
not be honest about.
Oh, screw honesty!
What is the point
of telling her?
She told me she loves me.
And I feel guilty that I'm
pretending this didn't happen
And walking around
under the cloud of this mistake.
You cannot tell her.
You cannot tell grace.
This would have been
so much easier if we hadn't met.
I'm sorry.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, shit, shit.
Ooh, I like them both.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Let me take a picture
and send it to mom.
- Mom? What are you doing here?
- Hi, girls.
Well, I just thought I'd come by
So we can do some shopping
and have some fun.
- Harry just broke up with me.
- What?
Yeah, he couldn't even do it
in person.
He just did it
through an e-Mail.
It... it doesn't say
He's breaking up with you.
I-I-I...
this e-Mail is very vague.
Mom, are you crazy?
He says he doesn't feel
the same way.
It says... it says he wants
to remain friends,
And that's positive.
Just stop.
I'm an idiot.
No, no, no, sweetie.
Don't cry. Don't...
please don't cry.
I should have just
listened to you.
You know what?
I'm actually starting
to like him now,
And I think this is just
a little bit of healthy dialog.
- Dialog?
- Yes.
He couldn't even call me!
He dumped you.
Why would he call you?
Liz, please. No.
He didn't call you because...
because...
because he didn't mean it.
- Oh, he didn't mean it?
- He didn't mean it.
- He didn't mean it?
- He didn't mean it.
Wait a minute.
He didn't mean it.
No, he didn't even say it.
I said, "I love you,"
and he said, "I do, too."
I am so stupid.
No, no, no, sweetie.
I'm sure this is just
one big misunderstanding.
That's all it is. No, it's not.
I can't even be here right now.
- No, grace.
- I'm going back to the city.
Asshole.
Did you tell grace
what happened?
Why would I tell grace?
Maren, she just sent me a text
calling me a manipulative liar.
She won't take
any of my phone calls. Please.
Well,
I just talked to her, and...
she was, um, shaken
By your emotional indifference
earlier today.
Everything was fine with us
an hour ago.
Was it?
She didn't feel
you were being genuine.
About what?
About being in love.
If you don't love her,
just let her go.
At least you don't have to hurt
her feelings with the truth.
Harry!
Hey, you leaving already?
I just got off the phone
with Simon.
I figured you'd want to know
he made a decision.
We'd love to have you
on our team.
H.R. Is gonna be sending you
some paperwork to look over,
Okay?
Congratulations.
Thank you.
- She... she likes peaches.
- Is that right?
Happy graduation!
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.
Thanks, guys.
They're the exact, same thing.
It would be, like...
Hold on one second. Sorry.
Yeah.
Are we still going on his boat?
I'm not sure
this is a good idea.
You know, grace hasn't returned
my phone calls.
What's he doing here?
Well, I-I invited harry,
sweetheart.
I-I thought
it might be a good idea
For him to talk to grace.
What if grace
doesn't want to talk to him?
Phil. You got a second?
- Oh, hey, Mario.
- Somebody I want you to meet.
All right,
hold on a second, harry.
I just want to talk to grace.
That's all.
Yeah. And tell her about us.
I'm not gonna tell her
about us, Maren.
- Really?
- Yes.
Maren, this has been
the worst week of my life.
Please. I'm not gonna cause
any problems.
Look...
I know you don't want
to talk to me right now,
But I just wanted to say that...
I was scared to say
how I truly felt
Back at your parents' house.
I was afraid of getting
too close and getting hurt
And I was a coward,
But that's why I'm here now,
To tell you how I really feel.
Grace, I love you, And
I know this is real
Because the thought of losing
you hurts me so much
That I can't sleep, I can't eat,
I can't even think straight.
I know you're mad at me,
And I'm sorry
for showing up unannounced,
But I really wanted to come here
and talk to you.
I'm so happy that you came.
I feel so close to you
right now.
I feel like
I've never been closer
To anybody else
in my entire life.
I-I feel like I always want us
to just share how we feel and...
and just be open
so that we never get hurt.
Yes! Grace, I don't ever
want to hurt you again.
- Yeah, no more secrets.
- I want to tell you everything.
And... and never keep anything
from each other.
- No more secrets.
- Yeah, no more secrets.
Before we started dating,
I slept with your mother.
- What?
- I know.
That night that I met you,
after I walked you home,
I went to a hotel bar,
And she was there,
and that's how we met.
And I'm just...
I want to lay this
all out there now
So that we can just get past it
And it won't come back
to haunt us.
We can just move forward
and be happy together.
You had sex with my mom?
It was a-A tiny mistake that...
that just happened
that one weekend.
But... but I'm glad
I'm telling you this now.
You had sex with my mom.
I'm... I'm glad I'm getting
this off my chest,
'Cause I don't want to hide
this from you anymore and...
you sex with my mom?!
Why are you telling me this?!
I was under the assumption
That we are going to be honest
with each other.
- Not about this!
- About everything.
Sweetheart, what's going on?
Oh.
Grace.
Don't leave! Grace!
No, I know, sweetie.
I know.
Well, why don't you try
to talk to her?
Okay.
No, I understand.
Well,
try to get some rest tonight,
And we'll talk in the morning,
okay?
I love you, too.
All right, good night.
I've made up the couch.
You're kidding.
It's for me.
I'll sleep downstairs.
Maren.
Wait a minute.
How is she?
Well, she is very upset.
Does she hate me?
I've been saving the good stuff
For a, uh, special occasion.
You fucked harry.
Truly sorry.
You fucked
your daughter's boyfriend.
You fucked
your daughter's boyfriend.
That's...
stop it.
I can't help it.
It's amazing.
That's just...
how could you do that to dad?
You're right. I'm sorry.
Dad's perfect.
What are you saying?
I knew it.
I knew something was going on
with you guys.
We screwed up, sweetie.
We both screwed up.
We took each other for granted.
You know, people think
just because you have kids,
You somehow know
what you're doing.
As if having a family
makes you perfect, right?
It doesn't.
It's hard.
It's hard work.
And I'm not saying having
an affair is the answer,
Because it's not.
Sometimes it takes
almost losing something
To make you remember why
you left it in the first place.
Sweetie,
I know you care about him.
All he did
was tell you the truth.
Every time I open myself up
to him, he hurts me.
Whether it's him...
telling me about you
Or writing me an e-mail
to break up with me.
I wrote that.
It wasn't supposed to get sent.
That... that part
was an accident,
But... but I wrote it.
He was gonna tell you
everything.
And I... I-I-I panicked.
I love you so much.
And I-I-I couldn't bear
the thought of hurting you,
And, of course, then I ended up
hurting you, and...
I am so sorry.
That is so fucked up.
So fucked up.
Look.
He wanted to be with you so bad
That he was willing
to risk losing you.
So?
I... what do you want me to do?
I don't know what to do.
I'm saying
do what makes you happy.
Whoo!
It's okay. It's okay.
Just getting warmed up.
You are just getting warmed up.
Whoo! Yes!
Whoo! Yeah!
That's how you do it!
You're the man! Whoo! Yeah!
Hey, you ready
to make it happen, harry?
Okay, look, before you close
the door in my face,
'Cause I know you're mad
And you probably
don't want me here right now,
Just let me
get this off my chest.
I've been thinking a lot
about you and me and...
I can't believe
we haven't had sex.
Well, what are you waiting for?