American Dreamer (2022) Movie Script
1
Modern monetary theory.
The heterodox.
A new way of thinking
of economics
outside the tradition
of the old ways,
the gold standard versus
some nebulous paperback debt.
What does it all mean?
No one knows anymore.
Our government prints money
like newspapers of old.
What is it all based on?
What value does it have?
Is there any gold in Fort Knox?
Was there ever?
We are now simply a collection
of things.
Things we acquire.
I say the hell with it all.
Our car, our laptop, our phone,
our home,
if we're lucky enough
to be a homeowner,
these things are how
we now assess value.
Success. Prosperity.
But are they?
Our things, our value?
What do we need to be happy?
What do we want?
And how far are we willing
to go to get it?
This is the human being's
daily dilemma.
Your daily dilemma.
And I'm saved by the bell,
or rather, you are.
Dr. Loder!
Philip!
Hey, Phil.
-Ah...
-Hey.
Yeah. Craig.
Hey.
Jeez.
I didn't see you in
the lounge, so, um...
did you read my article?
Ah... micro-lending
interest matrixes in Bangladesh
as a template
for African tribal economics.
I think you're gonna find
the subject matter invigorating.
How's my parking permit
situation coming along?
Uh... yes. Yes, yes.
I'm working on that, Phil.
It's, um... it's a complicated
system here.
Lots of precedent
and seniority and...
Those two twat waffles
are still in diapers
and here they are parking
on the front lines.
Get out of here, man.
What are you doing?
Move it!
Is this house on the list
I emailed you?
Yes, Phil.
It's on your list.
That's why you were invited.
Time to gather.
Beautiful dress.
Hmm. This old thing?
I only wear this when I don't
care how I look.
It's a wonderful life.
It's not.
Hello, everyone.
We're about to get started.
I wanna thank all of you
for coming here.
Exquisite property, Dell.
That's why we brought you.
Let's go inside.
All the stone work
comes from an artesian quarry
on the outskirts of Istanbul.
But more importantly,
did anybody notice the classic
Mansard roof?
It's just absolutely stunning.
The main building is designed
as the living quarters.
This wing is dedicated
to entertainment.
There's a movie theater
down the hall.
Now, you've got your
bowling alley, of course,
and you've got your game room
as well.
Notice the... the craftsmanship,
the attention to detail.
Thank you.
The value per square foot.
Gander at the iconic columns.
And thank you.
The large dome ceiling
above the grand foyer.
-Excuse me, Dell.
-Yes?
Is this Italian marble?
Italian marble.
Oh, God, no.
It's Greek.
Widely known for its quality.
It's considered vastly superior
to Italian marble.
-Oh, yeah... yeah.
-And quite a bit more lira.
Oops, sorry.
Um... Greece,
huh?
So it's gonna be
real cheap soon.
Giving it away
with all those olives.
Very funny.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll
follow me, please.
I mean, this place will be
a minimum...
minimum two million bucks
cheaper come spring.
I'd hold out if I were you.
I teach economics at Brockton.
I can see the trends
before they're trends.
Excuse me, ladies.
Phil?
May we have a word?
-What the hell are you doing?
-What?
What are you doing?
$10 million fucking?
Oh, my God.
I had places I wanted
to see today.
You're wasting my time.
-I'm wasting your time?
-Yes!
You're a waste of my time,
Phil!
This house was on your list!
It was on your 'never gonna
happen in a million years'
list of properties that
you can't even afford the...
the landscaping for.
Oh!
That is quite the statement
coming from a dirt pimp.
When have you created anything?
When have you made anything?
-I don't make money?
-Oh!
Oh, I make a lot of money.
I make it rain.
Everything about me
screams success.
Something you wouldn't know
anything about, Horatio.
You know, I wanted to take you
off the group text,
but I thought... no.
Let the asshole come down
and see how delusional he is.
Rise up, Phil.
Get yourself a one-bedroom
starter condo.
Like reasonable people do
who have no equity,
no money, no tenure.
Finish your little novella
and pray that you get a tenure
teaching position with real pay.
Oh, wait. I forgot.
You're a dreamer, Phil.
Not a doer.
Good day, Phil.
Suck it, Dell. Suck it.
Suck it!
What's that you're ogling
over there?
It's got big boobs?
Ooh, she's a looker.
Midcentury darling.
Original plaster archways,
heated marble bathroom floors,
maple tongue and groove ceiling.
What's that say?
4.6.
4.6 what?
Million.
It's a home, Nick.
It's an investment
for the future.
Stock market's no better
than roulette,
it's like legalized gambling.
I happen to know a few things
about these things.
You're all kinds out of whack.
You make less than 50K year.
How do you figure that?
I know your whole life story.
Adopted by Mormon missionaries.
Disowned by the faith for
having sex with a married elder.
Hmm?
Straight C student at Harvard.
Played the orphan card
to get in,
played the little person card
to stay in.
Divorced twice by the same woman
who took every dollar
you never had.
And now you bring home
a wee bit under 50K
as an adjunct professor,
lecturing spoiled dick weasels,
that's a direct quote, as to how
to invest their trust funds
so they never have to lift
a finger their rotten lives.
I'm actually gonna
quit drinking.
Yeah, you said that too.
I want a place I can call
home, Nick.
Write my novel.
My own parking spot.
A window with a view
other than garbage cans.
You know, American dream.
It's not packing boxes for
Amazon or shitting in a bucket,
living in a van in the desert.
$4.6 million
is a lifetime in debt.
What should one do
in a lifetime?
Yeah.
Ah, everybody's a philosopher.
240,000 with live-in.
What does that mean?
What the hell is this, Phil?
Phil?
What the hell is this?
My new casa.
What am I doing here?
No. More importantly,
what are you doing here?
See, I belong here.
I'm a real estate agent.
I might sell this house.
In fact, I might even buy
this house.
You. You, however, have no hope
in hell of ever,
ever owning a property
like this.
Yeah. This one
I can afford.
You're living in an alternate
reality, my friend.
Says here in print.
"Five million as is,
or 240,000 with live-in."
The latter, I can afford.
Classifieds?
Mmhmm.
Who uses them anymore?
Apparently somebody.
Okay. 240K with live-in.
Fake news.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Well congratulations, Phil.
Maybe you found a seller who's
as batshit crazy as you are.
What does live-in mean?
Who the hell knows?
Maybe the place is haunted.
It's a fucking poltergeist.
Maybe that's your live-in.
Loaded with termites
ready to collapse.
An infestation of mice.
Condemned, probably.
Check it out for me?
There's gotta be something wrong
with this place.
Who are you?
Hi. I'm Dell from Dell
and Friends.
Alright.
I noticed that you listed
this exquisite house.
It's a dream house.
It's elegant and stunning.
It's so us.
Yes, it is.
You getting in?
Eventually.
Eventually rarely comes,
Philip.
Here I come!
Follow me.
The main house is immaculate.
It's worth every penny
of the asking price.
Actually, she may be half
a mil skinny.
Where are we going?
It's a separate quarters
type deal.
Separate how?
Well, okay.
Why are you showing me this?
This is shit.
Shh.
This is where the live-in
would live in.
Temporarily.
Let me... let me just
regurgitate this for clarity.
She will sell the house
for 240 K
if she gets to, uh...
what's her name?
Astrid Fanelli.
-Astrid.
-That's correct.
Can live there
until she croaks.
That's the deal.
Is she lucid?
Who knows?
She's old, you know.
She's... she's lonely.
Her husband passed away
years ago,
they never had any children,
and she doesn't wanna end up
in a convalescence home.
Those places...
those places are awful.
My mother's in one. Okay?
Trust me.
What if she lives another
20 years? What then?
That upstairs is unlivable.
I'm not a doctor. Okay?
But I'll say this...
she's actively dying. Okay?
She's got that wheezing
cough rattle.
You know, the one
that old people get
before they see Jesus.
She's, uh, in a wheelchair
on oxygen,
and I believe she's
still smoking.
I mean, who does that?
It's almost too good
to be true.
Okay. Okay.
It's all legal.
Now, we're gonna need
a creative contract.
But that's...
that's what I do.
Okay. And I get the whole house,
I get the entire house?
Every square inch of it.
I don't wanna be called upon
to caretake, to be clear.
I don't have compassion.
She's got a nurse, she's set.
She lives there, she dies there.
It's non-negotiable.
Okay, I get it.
However, you will be
responsible
for the maintenance payments,
-the utilities, property taxes--
-Yeah.
--lawn care.
It's not gonna be cheap
and it's 240K cash up front.
All up front?
Wait a minute.
You don't have it.
I got it.
You wanna go splitsies with me?
50/50.
Okay, you shit pouch.
Now you, you... you tell her
I got the money.
Tell Astrid I got it.
Draw up the contracts and you
keep your pie hole shut.
You... you're my realtor.
There's ethics involved
here. You know?
This is a fiduciary
relationship.
Look it up, piss flap.
It's just an offer.
You know what?
Offer unaccepted.
Alright.
For the record, again,
I don't advise liquidating
your entire 401K retirement
savings plan.
Well, with great risk
comes great reward.
The best I can do
is eight five.
That's an 1887
Morgan silver dollar.
That's worth eight by itself.
Tell you what, I'll go nine.
Not a penny higher.
What's that?
What about that one?
Everything on that table's
a dollar.
How about $0.50
for this one?
No. That's a buck.
One buck.
That's the dollar table.
Come on, $0.50
You're trying to chisel me
out of two quarters?
You know what?
That is a collector's item
for shit's sake.
Get out of here.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Go, go!
Get the hell out of here.
Everything on this
table's $2.
$238,000.07.
Do you have any of
the maintenance records?
It's 30 something years old.
The maintenance records
disintegrated.
Dad, it's got an eight track!
Don't touch anything!
Sorry your dad's
a deadbeat, cat.
Initial here.
Signature here on each page.
There. Oh, God.
It's supposed to be
brainless, Phil.
Okey dokey.
Congratulations.
You're a homeowner,
my friend.
Twenty-eight percent is a gift.
Go away.
Ugh. Get lost.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Oh! Fuck!
Oh!
Now, what kind of person
throws shoes out of a window?
A dumbass stoner.
And clean up this glass too.
The last thing in the world
I want around here
is a belligerent teenager.
I'm sorry, I understand.
I'll pay for the glass.
Well, good.
You got duct tape on your face.
I fell.
Did you hurt yourself?
Did you break anything?
No. I'll be okay.
Because if you break anything,
you pay for it.
I mean, if you fix it,
then you pay for that too.
Mmhmm?
Um... alright.
You must be Astrid.
You're smart.
Imagine that, a professor
who's got smarts.
Okay. Well, it's nice
to meet you.
Okay, better than
the real thing.
Um... the shower,
the hot water?
Mmhmm?
It's really hot.
You want me to help you make
the hot water colder?
No.
You want me to teach you
how to run a shower?
No. No.
No, no, no.
Um... I set the temperature
just right,
and then when I got in,
the pipes started to rattle
and it made a really loud noise.
And then maybe you heard it,
and then it turned scalding hot,
the hot water. It was...
it burned.
It burned me.
I got... I got burned.
You think you're gonna live?
Yes.
Do you want me to get
a plumber?
Yes, please.
You have to pay the plumber
in cash.
He doesn't take credit.
Thank you.
Oh great, another kid.
Phil.
That hasn't changed.
Whoa.
You're, uh...
you're all cut up there.
I had a mishap.
-Is that duct tape?
-Yes.
That stuff isn't that hygienic,
Phil,
and it's awfully hard to remove.
I do have some Goo Gone
in my office.
What can I do for you, Craig?
My article.
Have you gotten around
to it yet?
Yeah.
I, um... haven't had a chance
to read it yet.
I had a wild few days, Craig.
I moved.
I bought a house.
Shiitake mushrooms,
congratulations.
Let me be the bearer of
even more fantastic news.
Lot B, spot 334, right behind
the humanities building.
Don't tickle my nuts here,
Craig.
No, no.
This is not a nut-tickling,
as you say.
It goes on the rear
right bumper.
Don't mess that up.
They're absolutely Gestapo
about sticker placement.
Where does one put this
on a scooter?
Scooter... hmm,
doesn't go on a scooter.
You have a 1984 Saab 900,
license plate B4...
I sold the car.
You sold the car?
I wanted a more
fuel-efficient option.
Shite. Screw me running.
Phil, I...
Craig!
Uh, please release.
Release.
So Lot B, it's, uh...
it's for cars only,
it's not a scooter lot.
And the flipping sticker is
registered to your Saab plates.
What does it matter?
It's still my vehicle.
Parking spots are like kidney
transplants around here. Okay?
Now you have to register
for the scooter lot.
Who knows how long that'll take.
Scooter drivers tend to be
a lot younger.
Three years of work on this.
My day's shot, Phil!
It's absolutely shot!
Oh shit, shit.
What... what?
Out, out, out.
Off! Off, off, off!
Ah, God...
You should probably watch that
in private.
It's not what you think.
No, no, it's okay.
I, uh... I prefer
older partners.
What?
Can I buy you a beer?
Why would you do that?
Because it's not every day
you see your favorite professor
out and about in
a social setting.
Your favorite professor?
By far.
That's very kind of you.
What makes you say that?
You're not that insecure,
are you?
What? No.
It's a little embarrassing,
but I'll say it.
You're the reason
I'm into economics.
Don't tell me any more.
Your master's thesis
on the economic plight
of the middle American coal
miner was poetry, pure poetry.
You read my master's thesis?
It's on my bedside table.
I'm with some friends.
We're all in your class.
Come on, let me buy you a beer
and I'll tell you
how wonderful you are.
In the history of mankind,
humankind, in every great story,
in every great film...
the hero wants two things.
Number one, and this is by far
the most important,
he wants to go home.
Even LeBron James,
the king himself,
changed the course of his career
by bringing a championship
to his hometown of Cleveland.
Cleveland!
Nobody wants to live
in Cleveland!
And I, your humble cultural
economics professor,
have liquidated everything.
All for the dream of going home.
The power of four walls
and a patch of grass.
American dream is as alive today
as it's ever been.
What's number two?
Come here.
Shh.
The sandwich.
Ahh...
Everybody wants a sandwich.
That is so true.
I'm so hungry.
Imagine.
Oh, my God.
Dr. Loder... you are officially
my favorite professor.
You must be a freshman.
Cultural economics?
It's like watching paint dry.
I don't know you,
but I actually really like
cultural economics.
You do?
Youth of the world, so free.
So dumb.
Absolutely brainless.
Uh...
You wanna share a ride home?
It's likely not on the way.
We could just go to your place.
I'm your professor, Claire.
You're a student.
There's an unwritten
code of ethics.
Actually, there's a written
code, to be clear.
You are... young.
I'm a graduate student.
You are?
Yeah. And I'm 30.
Oh shit.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Shit.
So, you know, technically,
I'm not a 'student' student.
I'm a consenting adult who
happens to be taking your class
and who happens to be
really, really into you.
That's... that's
impressive, Claire.
Oh, wow.
Oh, jeez.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah. No, it's
just, uh...
I didn't expect it to be so...
Yeah, it's a common
misconception.
An unfair stereotype, actually.
It's the unconscious bias that's
plaguing society's perception
in a clandestine way.
You know, it's a logical
conclusion, given a...
You talk too much.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to go
with the flow.
I can't believe
this is happening.
Oh...
The coal miner didn't set out
to poison his lungs
with the black soot
of capitalism.
He set out, like all hardworking
middle Americans did,
to burrow a path to freedom.
A freedom
he would never realize...
at the cost of his own virility.
Yeah.
-It's poetry.
-Yeah.
Ow! Ow, ow.
It's poetry.
Oh, God.
Wanna see
something fun?
Yeah.
Whoa! Oh, gosh,
that's unexpected.
Someone's at the door.
No, it's a woodpecker.
It sounds like knocking.
That's what they do.
It's called drumming.
It's repetitive, pecking
at a resonant object.
Good morning, Mr. Loder.
Whoa!
Good morning.
Oh!
Is this a bad time?
Well, you just walked
right in here, didn't you?
I, uh, knocked.
I was knocking.
Do you want your shower fixed
or what?
Um... yeah. Yes, I do.
This is your girlfriend?
I don't... what?
We're friends.
Whatever. Okay, whatever.
This, uh... is one of my kids.
His name is Boris.
He's the best plumber in town
and he's agreed to do your work
before he gets started
on his day.
Wait. What is he?
I don't like repeating myself,
Mr. Loder.
It is so taxing.
So, I fix shower or what?
I have busy day.
Mr. Loder.
Mr. Loder, yes?
Uh... what?
Yes, yes.
Good.
Go.
Okay, Mama.
See you, Mama.
You're the best.
He'll pay you with cash.
Okay, Mama.
You have cash, yes?
What?
Okay, borrow it from her.
That's what friends are for.
Hi Mom.
It's chilly but the sun is out.
Whoa!
I'm breathing. I'm breathing.
Fuck!
Ow!
Shit!
What was the picture of?
A family reunion photo.
Who's family?
Our family.
Your family?
Yes, us.
You. Huh.
Anything else seem
to be missing?
Well, not that we can tell.
We haven't fully inspected.
Missing family reunion photo.
Looks like he got in
through here.
Aren't you gonna take
fingerprints and such?
We'll get to that.
The perp used
the air conditioner
to gain access to the window.
Perp used air conditioner
to gain access to window.
New window units
are just an open invitation
for burglars.
May as well leave a key
under a rock.
May as well leave
a key under a rock.
You got someone
staying upstairs?
You were sleeping?
Napping.
And you didn't hear
any glass breaking?
No, officer, I did not hear
any glass breaking. No.
You must be a heavy napper.
Sorry. What is your name?
Maggie... Pennington.
She's one of my kids.
You have a cut on your head.
Yeah, uh... I fell getting
out of the shower.
Astrid knows.
I told her about it.
Do you have any knowledge
of this?
Uh... I just remember
that he had a cut on his head,
and he put duct tape over it,
and I thought what an idiot
to put duct tape over a cut.
That... that's not
being very helpful, ma'am.
Thanks for your time, Mr. Loder.
If we have any additional
questions we'll, uh...
we'll get in touch.
Okay. Here to help, Officer.
You have a good day.
Okay. Thank you, Officer.
Keep up the good work.
Let's go, Mom.
Astrid wants to invite you
to dinner.
Okay. That's very nice
of her.
Oh, now. Tonight?
Yes.
Oh.
Unless you'd rather not
or you've eaten already?
No, neither.
Um... Okay, thank you.
I'm just gonna be a minute,
I gotta put on my face.
Don't be long.
Your forehead's bleeding.
Oh.
No, I don't think it is.
It must be the light in here.
Okay, this is older than
you two put together.
It's a Bordeaux '32.
Open it, Mr. Loder.
So, tell me about yourself.
Any past lives?
Wives, children?
I'm afraid I have been
perpetually alone
for quite some time now.
By choice?
By happenstance.
My wife died 12 years ago.
Yes, I'm so sorry.
I feel that pain.
Thank you.
What was her name?
Molly.
Mm.
Here's to Molly.
No, I don't...
I've had enough.
Life is short.
Nothing longer than life.
And you, Astrid?
Me? Let's see now.
I had five countries,
four husbands,
twenty-six cats and kids
all over the world.
How many kids?
Oh, let me think now.
One doctor, one lawyer,
one mathematician.
Um... a butcher, a baker,
a candlestick maker.
And my, uh...
and my precious
little personal attorney,
Magpie.
What kind of law do you
practice, Magpie?
Oh. Probate, mostly.
Wills, real estate,
property disputes.
Okay, so she will settle
the property transfer
when the time comes.
What property transfer?
Well, Astrid and I...
No, no.
He bought the house, Mag.
He bought the house and
it's gonna go to him when...
I mean, when I croak.
I want a berry pie.
I think we're all set, Mom.
No need for sweets
after all that wine.
-No.
-No, it's...
No, we have a guest
to consider.
I'm not a sweet person.
Oh, I can see that.
Let me... let's get ready
for bed.
I have to take my shot.
I have the ultimate fountain
of youth solution.
I do lots and lots
of vitamin C
blended with Human
Growth Hormone.
And then my doctor says,
by the way,
that my innards are like
a 40-year-old
and I may never die.
Good night.
Mr. Loder...
She's in the early stages
of dementia.
Whatever arrangement you think
you have with her
will be worthless
in a court of law.
This house will never be
your house.
You have anything to say?
It was a wonderful evening,
Maggie. Thank you.
I'll enact a power of attorney
and evict you
before the week's out.
You wouldn't wanna get a power
of attorney, Maggie,
this late into
Astrid's dementia.
There are laws about that
that protect the elderly.
She has offspring, Dell!
An heir.
I have a contested will
in my future.
I sold everything
for that house.
Everything I own!
Well, good thing
it wasn't much.
I'm gonna sue you...
and everyone involved with you!
Your families,
your whole company!
Come on, Phil,
you're losing your mind.
Show some class.
I will be sleeping on your
organic Royal Pedic pillow-top
in six months.
Are you done with the threats?
Just get it out.
Get it out.
You told me the old lady
has no children.
Well, I told you
what she told me.
We don't run background checks.
Why not?
They're not criminals
and we're not the FBI.
She's also hopping around
like Fred Astaire.
There's no oxygen, no...
no wheelchair.
She is not actively dying,
doctor. No.
Do you wish death upon her?
Not tomorrow.
No! No, no.
That's awful.
I do not wish death upon anyone.
Oh, God.
I'm saddened to receive such
sagacity from an asshole.
I'm only an asshole
to you, Phil.
Your experience of me
is wholly your own.
Okay. Okay, Plato.
I think you are an asshole
therefore you are one.
You exhaust me.
What are we gonna do?
We need more information.
I know this guy and he does
this sort of thing.
Oh, you know a guy.
He'll find out everything there
is to know about her
and her kids.
So just chill out.
Chilling out.
-Huh?
-Yeah.
Let me make this right.
What kind of moron buys a house
under such circumstances
without doing a background
check of the owner?
Wait a minute.
You aren't... are you crying?
I'm sorry.
You're crying.
Thank you, Jerry.
I had my whole life wrapped up
in that house.
I sold everything.
I mean, I have nothing, Jer.
Literally nothing.
And I'm just sad.
I'm so sad.
Oh, okay. I have seen a lot
of tears in here.
I get it.
Jerry. What can we...
what can we do?
We can turn over every stone,
find out who this Astrid is.
Surveil this Maggie.
See how many other kids
there are, wills, etcetera.
See what your options are.
Hmm?
We can make it as right
as we can.
That's what I do.
Uh... the daughter, the one
who threatened you.
Maggie Pennington.
Maggie.
Huh.
Attorney at law.
Seems to be a local bigwig
with the Chamber of Commerce,
the Planning Board,
the City Council advisory
panel. Single.
How're you getting all that?
Her Facebook page?
Yeah.
Mmhmm.
And then look at this.
Astrid...
When the gap between rich
and poor ballooned in the 1920s,
the wealth cavity reached
critical mass
and no one paid attention.
Then it ruptured,
causing the Great Depression.
Billions of dollars lost,
millions of people destitute.
Hoovervilles in every park.
America at its finest. Ah.
The whole system is
one bureaucratic,
unfiltered cesspool with
a side of ass plunging.
We work, we save,
we make sacrifices...
sacrifices.
All so we can have four walls
and a roof or a plot of land,
a place to hang
your proverbial hat.
Which, by the way, you sold
to your dick toast neighbor
for $0.50 and the asshole
gave it to you in nickels.
So... bend over boys and girls
and take the long rod
of economic life in the old
U.S. of A!
Housing market.
Oh, bonds, funds.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
Just tools of the rich
to help them accumulate
more and more wealth,
while sucking the life
out of the middle class,
which holds its ankles
and hopes that Aunt Sue dies,
so she can leave that
pittance of inheritance,
so they can finally pay off
the mortgage
that's choking the life
out of them.
Yes, the little man is fucked.
Pun intended.
Son, if you wanna be something,
you better be good at it.
'Cause life doesn't treat
failures kindly.
Thanks Dad, I miss you.
I read your agreement.
The point is not part of
the common area.
You have use of
the side easement.
You would deny a man
a view like this?
A man who would swindle an
old lady out of her estate? Yes.
See, that is not a truism.
Astrid and I made a deal.
She sought out that deal,
I did not.
She advertised.
I showed up.
The terms were hers.
We signed a contract.
That is the story
in its totality.
She should have consulted me
before any of this.
I agree.
The whole situation has
become very unpleasant
for all involved.
Every penny I never had
is tied up in this place.
Hence the box of wine.
You care to partake?
No, it smells awful.
It tastes even worse.
You have nothing to lose
but your demureness.
Don't consider this anything
more than a courtesy.
We shall call it...
congeniality.
Here's to a long life
and a merry one.
A quick death
than an easy one.
A pretty girl
and an honest one.
The cold pint and another one.
It's awful.
A pretty girl
and an honest one.
Orion.
Orion, right. Right.
He, Orion...
Mmhmm.
Boasted that he would kill
every animal on Earth,
so Artemis sent a scorpion
to deal with Orion,
and the scorpion killed Orion
and then Zeus...
he raised the scorpion up
to heaven.
And later he did the same
with Orion
to teach us mere mortals to curb
our excessive pride.
-I'm a Scorpio.
-Mmhmm.
Why don't you take me
to your lair
and beat the excessive pride
from my loins?
-Oh, I'm curious.
-Hmm.
I've never had boxed wine.
Hello? Astrid?
Ah, shit.
Ah! Oh!
God!
Ow! Ah!
Astrid?
It looks like she slipped
on some water.
Yeah, I don't know.
I wasn't with her.
It looks like that water came
from upstairs.
And?
Your bathroom? The toilet?
Yeah. I don't... I...
Drains are connected.
Look, her son is the plumber.
So, what are you...
what are you saying?
I'm saying that she slipped
on some water
that possibly came
from your toilet.
Oh.
So, your crime theory is that
I rigged my shitter
to leak water that traveled
through the connecting pipes,
that dripped in the exact spot
where the old lady
was gonna be walking?
Phil!
Ride with me, please?
Miss Pennington?
Yes, Doctor.
Okay. Uh... so we got her
heartbeat back.
Ah. Thank you.
Thank you.
Is she conscious,
can I see her?
Hello.
They got her heart beating.
Oh, God, that's great.
Well, it's a bit more
complicated than that.
I'm sorry. Are you...
are you family?
Doctor, he's with me.
He lives with Mom.
Okay. Uh, well... so... yes,
we got her heartbeat back.
But she was without a heartbeat
for a very long time,
essentially without any oxygen.
Oh, God.
Please, no.
I've seen these things
go many different ways,
so try to stay even about it,
as hard as that is.
We're doing all that we can.
Okay? Yeah.
Try to stay even.
Who says that?
I just think he's
being optimistic.
What does that mean?
What?
Being optimistic?
I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.
I don't know what he
was thinking.
I just think given
the situation,
he was just trying to be
positive, you know,
because the odds are... what?
No. I mean, it's common
knowledge
that without a heartbeat,
without blood being pumped
through your body,
without oxygen to your brain...
I had an uncle who had
the exact same problem.
I'm sorry we did
what we did last night.
Now Maggie...
I don't think
you're a very good person.
This is my parking spot.
The one thing I own around here.
The locks have been changed.
Check your messages, Phil.
Housing market.
Oh, bonds, funds, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
I've been having a series
of very bad days.
This behavior conflicts with
every single ethics regulation
known here at Brockton
University
or any university in
the Western Hemisphere.
I know, I know.
I was totally out of control.
I am guilty.
Who's Claire Milano?
Uh... I believe she's a student
in my cultural econ class.
She's left me several messages
wanting to discuss your
behavior outside of class.
I see.
You're suspended, Phil.
The department will conduct
a full investigation
into your behaviors.
Craig. It's all conjecture,
really.
I mean, the person is guilty
until proven innocent.
It's still America, right?
There are protections
for teachers.
Teachers do have protections.
There are protections
for tenured professors here.
I need this job, Craig.
You're my friend, right?
We're friends, Craig.
Friends, Philip?
Friends read friends'
journal research reviews.
Ah!
Come on, we gotta get two.
I got two!
I got two!
Here, here, here.
Whoo!
Phil! You son of an angel.
Please, come here.
Phil.
Come here.
You saved my life.
I don't understand.
Nobody does.
Only... a higher power.
And God herself.
What are doctors for?
Oh.
They know you should still
be in the hospital
under observation.
That is such bullshit.
They just love to poke and probe
and discover the undiscoverable.
I wanna tell you something.
I saw Jesus.
He talked to me.
He sounded like Jimmy Stewart
but he looked like Prince.
You were...
I was dead for 12 minutes,
and they thought it was
my heart, but it wasn't.
What was it?
Well, they're not certain.
One doctor believes
it was a gas bubble
blocking oxygen
to her windpipe.
Right. I will never eat
hummus again.
Who cares?
Because of you... I woke up,
I got myself dressed
and walked out of that
God forbidden
antiseptic hospital,
and I came here to look at
the sunset.
All because of you.
I don't know what to say.
Just know you are an angel,
Phil.
And because of you, I'm gonna
see many more sunsets.
I've seen a lotta freak-shows
in my day.
But you, you're in a category
all by your lonesome.
I expect that verbal diarrhea
is because of what's inside
this envelope?
You're damn tootin'.
What kind of sick pervert
hires a professional
to surveil the woman
he's fornicating
to take intimate photos
of the most bizarre...
No, no, no, no.
The most dangerous acts
of sexual deviance
I've ever witnessed.
Wow.
Holy shit.
Yeah. Holy shit.
I couldn't kiss my wife
this morning.
How did you get these?
I'm a private investigator,
Mr. Loder.
I said I would track the lady
and that's what I did.
It's like you were right there
in the room.
It's incredible.
Okay, okay, alright.
Okay, okay.
Dell, these are private.
It's private.
And you... you're a private
investigator.
You're bound to code
of confidentiality.
I know what I'm bound to.
Now I know what you're bound to.
Next time just have some decency
and take selfies
for shit's sakes.
I'm not even gonna begin
to defend myself here,
that hasn't been really
working out for me.
But I've got to say, you are
very gifted at your job.
To a fault.
What else did you find out
about Miss Pennington?
I'm waiting on
the background check,
medical and dental records
and financial history and I'll
continue my surveillance.
No, thanks.
I understand.
Is Nite-Aid a hallucinogen?
It contains doxylamine
which can leave you
feeling disoriented.
The phenylephrine can cause
dizziness and light-headedness.
You remind me of me.
I want you to get serious about
seeing a psychiatrist, Philip.
You're losing your grip
on reality.
I know.
Ugh. Oh, I gotta...
I gotta pee.
Oh...
Whoa! My brakes!
Whoa, whoa!
Oh!
God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you keep showing...
oh, my God.
You saved my life again.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes.
You were sent to me from
heaven to watch over me.
And this I know to be true.
I think I did something
to your wheelchair.
I think I messed with it.
Stop avoiding the light.
I think I tried to kill you,
Astrid!
You did not.
Yes, I think I did!
I was drinking, and I don't
know anymore.
I don't know anything
anymore. But I had Nite-Aid,
and I think...
I think... I don't... I'm not...
I'm not married.
Beatrice, my wife,
she's an imaginary woman.
Beatrice... and she has
a twin.
It's a sad male fantasy.
Every time I see the light,
I see your face.
It's just because I'm standing
over you backlit.
Say whatever you want.
It's... you'll understand
one day.
Like I do.
Phil?
I'm... this little old lady.
And I get to say whatever
the fuck I want to.
This is it.
I love you.
I don't know how long
it's been
since you've heard those words,
but... I love you.
Thank you.
Oh... yeah.
I don't want the house anymore.
You can have it, Phil.
It's yours.
I don't want it.
I'm done, Astrid.
I need to get far away.
I don't care about the money.
I just... oh, God, I just want
my soul back.
Oh, you are serious?
Yes.
I see that.
I'm clear.
Oh, I'll just give it
to the kids.
They're gonna fight over
my grave anyway.
I don't think so.
Yeah, well, you don't
know them like I do.
No, I mean I don't think
you're ever gonna die.
That's the real problem.
Sorry.
It's true.
That's a thought.
Well, you're like a cat.
And now you've got
seven lives left.
Yes!
It's true.
Yes, it's true.
Kitty kitty.
Laugh it up.
Crazy old lady.
Be quiet.
I'm never gonna die so
I don't have to hear you.
Okay.
Alright.
I love you.
Phil. Come, come dance
with me.
You know...
you can, you can love.
You can be happy.
You can be whole.
You can be safe.
I want that.
You deserve it, Phil.
How would it work with us?
How would what work?
Making love, everything.
I wanna feel your lights.
Come on.
Let's go.
Be gentle with me, Phil.
No.
Oh... Oh, yes.
Alright. I love you, Phil.
I love you, too, Astrid.
Hello.
Thanks.
Oh, you might wanna wear this.
She's a little wobbly.
Okay. Into the verve.
Sorry I'm late, car trouble.
Oh, you bought a car?
It's an aphorism.
I ordered an appetizer.
I'm not gonna stay,
so thank you.
Oh.
Okay.
Let's just jump right in, then.
I'm here to jump.
I talked to the family
and they've decided to offer you
a partial refund of your money.
Partial, what does that mean?
$50,000.
You feel good about that?
I feel fine.
There's no out clause
in your contract.
Did you read your contract?
My broker read it
on my behalf.
Yeah. You should get
a better broker.
$75,000.
No.
65K.
No.
60K, final offer.
50. Take it or leave it.
Fine, we have a deal.
The paperwork will be
at my office.
You can stop by any time
and sign.
The funds will be released
at that time.
Who's gonna take care
of Astrid?
That's important to you?
It is.
She's, uh... reconsidering
an assisted living situation.
Well, as they say,
it is what it is.
Yes, it is.
You asshole.
Hello, Claire.
You know, you can't just sleep
with someone
and then discard them like
they're styrofoam.
Well, you really shouldn't
discard styrofoam, Claire.
It is recyclable.
Okay.
Always a smart-ass.
You know, I'm seeing
someone else.
Well, I think
that's very healthy.
Why don't you two discuss
this in private?
So, you're sleeping
with him now?
-Claire...
-Don't touch me.
Um... that's really...
Um...
Claire, please. Please!
I had feelings for you.
Well, I didn't mean
for that to happen.
You know what?
I'm glad you got suspended.
It's not very nice to wish ill
upon people, Claire.
Don't try to educate me
anymore, Dr. Loder.
You've lost that privilege.
How do I make this right?
I'm gonna make it right.
I've been talking to the Dean.
Yeah, he listens to me.
He understands me,
and he is a great writer.
His work on micro-lending
in Bangladesh
towers above your scribblings.
That's a real mind.
You're a shit writer, Phil.
I can't believe I ever thought
you had any talent.
$32.
Miss Pennington.
Fornicators.
Go ahead and peck, little bird.
It's in your nature.
Astrid? Ah... Astrid.
Astrid?
Okay, so I am at
St. Vincent's Memorial
in the, um, same place
we were before.
I haven't spoken
to the doctor yet.
Uh... but I guess you saw my
number and you didn't wanna...
Okay, here comes the doctor.
You should get here immediately.
Hello.
Okay. Um, well...
this is never easy. So...
No.
No.
She suffered a massive...
No, Astrid doesn't die.
She can't die.
She died died?
I'm sorry for your loss.
Is there anyone you'd like us
to call for you, perhaps?
Um... you all packed up?
Yeah.
I have left the domicile room
clean as per the exit agreement.
Which you still need to sign.
I will... on the way
out of town.
I trust the check will be there
waiting for me?
Yeah, it is.
Alright then uh... goodbye.
I will leave the key
under the mat.
Phil...
Yeah, no... no. Don't...
Phil, I... I think this is
just... just great.
I mean, 50 grand?
Come on!
50 grand, that's nothing
to scoff at, right?
Yeah, better than a kick
in the balls.
I mean, you got a wad of cash
in your pocket.
You're gonna hit
the road, right?
Explore what's out there
for you.
I mean, that's the American
dream. Right?
Look at me.
What do I got?
I mean, I've got... all the
money I could ever ask for.
I've got a big, beautiful house
and a wife who checks Zillow
every morning to see
what her half is worth.
Sorry to hear that, Dell.
I'm sorry to say it.
Uh... okay, gentlemen.
I've got a novel to write
and miles to go before I sleep.
Phil.
May our paths cross again.
You always know where
to find me.
Go get 'em.
Okay. Thanks, Dell.
Oh, and, uh... Phil.
Give me a jingle if you need me
to look at that exit contract.
I will dream as I see fit.
Hello, officer.
What seems to be the hubbub?
A memorial service.
Oh, must've been
a grand person.
Yeah, your housemate.
Come on!
Come on, now.
Yeah!
Is this for Astrid Fanelli?
Yeah. Were you one of
her kids?
Let's have some music!
Yes.
Come on!
I am.
From what year?
A while back.
Yeah! Opa!
And that was one of
Mama's favorites.
I remember how I first meet her
back in the 1990.
My family and I come to America
from Greece.
I have no friends.
I no spoke English
and my mother sent me
to this
American summer camp
to better in fit.
This beautiful woman,
Astrid Fanelli,
she have no kids for herself.
So she opened camp
for all the kids.
Alright!
But today we sing to her
all the songs she sing to us.
You just can't find tumble
marble anywhere these days.
Look at the detail here
in the stonework
It's really, really something
special, unique,
and it's original.
All of it, really.
Uh... of course, the view.
It comes with the property.
Hey. You gonna be okay?
Me? I'm not the one who died.
That happens.
Nothing to think about anymore.
You, on the other hand...
you're gonna be plagued
by thoughts and opinions,
vernacular, intellect.
These daydreams.
You gotta stop dreaming, Phil.
I'm gonna miss you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well... congratulations.
You pulled it off, buddy.
We've got multiple offers all
way north of the asking price.
You're gonna be rich.
Okay?
Why aren't you falling
out of your chair?
Well, here's the deal.
I don't think I'm gonna sell.
This place has
sentimental value.
Astrid would not want me to.
Plus, the kids love the camp.
I'm not motivated.
You need to be motivated
about these things.
I want you to come clean
with me.
You did this deliberately.
You did it deliberately.
-You did, Phil.
-No.
You knew...
you knew all along
that you had no intentions
of selling the property.
No, I'm never
100 percent certain
about anything these days.
It's hard to be.
You motherless son of a bitch.
I have a mother, Dell.
She's a good woman.
You don't wanna be happy?
Fine.
Son of a bitch.
He's so angry.
Anger is fear turned outwards.
Well, he must be
very fearful then.
You want another?
Ahhh... you think I should?
You did say you're going
to curb your drinking.
Did I say that?
More than once.
You also said you were
going to see someone...
a proper psychiatrist.
Yeah. I remember that.
Hey, don't be blue.
I'm just looking out for you.
We only want what's best.
I'm so grateful for you.
For both of you.
Isn't it a lovely day?
I'm going swimming.
I'm getting in too.
Do what you must.
One more beer.
And book that appointment!
Ladies...
Watch out!
I promise I will make
an appointment
with a shrink, post haste.
What will that mean for us?
I wanna know what that
will mean for us.
A perplexing, indeed.
There are times when I really
dislike my job.
And this is one of them.
Jerry... not a fan
of your envelopes.
Just speak to me.
Now look, your girlfriend,
Miss Pennington...
is cheating on you.
Oh, Jerry...
This is good news?
What she's doing there
is devious.
It is troublesome.
That is for certain.
Dr. Loder! Hey.
Phil, Phil. Hey.
Dr. Kapinski?
I have, uh... great news.
Oh. My parking credentials.
Look at that, VIP.
Yeah.
I can park wherever I want
in whatever vehicle I want.
The highest honor bestowed
here at Brockton University.
Yeah, yeah.
Took a little finagling, but...
As these things do.
You know, I was
just wondering...
Yeah.
Thinking.
Well, uh... I just wanna
make sure
those pictures, you know,
that there aren't any--
Duplicates.
Oh yeah, there are.
Actually, I have one right here
in my wallet.
Doesn't Claire look lovely
in that light?
Oh, God.
Have a good summer, Craig.
You too, Phil.
Modern monetary theory.
The heterodox.
A new way of thinking
of economics
outside the tradition
of the old ways,
the gold standard versus
some nebulous paperback debt.
What does it all mean?
No one knows anymore.
Our government prints money
like newspapers of old.
What is it all based on?
What value does it have?
Is there any gold in Fort Knox?
Was there ever?
We are now simply a collection
of things.
Things we acquire.
I say the hell with it all.
Our car, our laptop, our phone,
our home,
if we're lucky enough
to be a homeowner,
these things are how
we now assess value.
Success. Prosperity.
But are they?
Our things, our value?
What do we need to be happy?
What do we want?
And how far are we willing
to go to get it?
This is the human being's
daily dilemma.
Your daily dilemma.
And I'm saved by the bell,
or rather, you are.
Dr. Loder!
Philip!
Hey, Phil.
-Ah...
-Hey.
Yeah. Craig.
Hey.
Jeez.
I didn't see you in
the lounge, so, um...
did you read my article?
Ah... micro-lending
interest matrixes in Bangladesh
as a template
for African tribal economics.
I think you're gonna find
the subject matter invigorating.
How's my parking permit
situation coming along?
Uh... yes. Yes, yes.
I'm working on that, Phil.
It's, um... it's a complicated
system here.
Lots of precedent
and seniority and...
Those two twat waffles
are still in diapers
and here they are parking
on the front lines.
Get out of here, man.
What are you doing?
Move it!
Is this house on the list
I emailed you?
Yes, Phil.
It's on your list.
That's why you were invited.
Time to gather.
Beautiful dress.
Hmm. This old thing?
I only wear this when I don't
care how I look.
It's a wonderful life.
It's not.
Hello, everyone.
We're about to get started.
I wanna thank all of you
for coming here.
Exquisite property, Dell.
That's why we brought you.
Let's go inside.
All the stone work
comes from an artesian quarry
on the outskirts of Istanbul.
But more importantly,
did anybody notice the classic
Mansard roof?
It's just absolutely stunning.
The main building is designed
as the living quarters.
This wing is dedicated
to entertainment.
There's a movie theater
down the hall.
Now, you've got your
bowling alley, of course,
and you've got your game room
as well.
Notice the... the craftsmanship,
the attention to detail.
Thank you.
The value per square foot.
Gander at the iconic columns.
And thank you.
The large dome ceiling
above the grand foyer.
-Excuse me, Dell.
-Yes?
Is this Italian marble?
Italian marble.
Oh, God, no.
It's Greek.
Widely known for its quality.
It's considered vastly superior
to Italian marble.
-Oh, yeah... yeah.
-And quite a bit more lira.
Oops, sorry.
Um... Greece,
huh?
So it's gonna be
real cheap soon.
Giving it away
with all those olives.
Very funny.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll
follow me, please.
I mean, this place will be
a minimum...
minimum two million bucks
cheaper come spring.
I'd hold out if I were you.
I teach economics at Brockton.
I can see the trends
before they're trends.
Excuse me, ladies.
Phil?
May we have a word?
-What the hell are you doing?
-What?
What are you doing?
$10 million fucking?
Oh, my God.
I had places I wanted
to see today.
You're wasting my time.
-I'm wasting your time?
-Yes!
You're a waste of my time,
Phil!
This house was on your list!
It was on your 'never gonna
happen in a million years'
list of properties that
you can't even afford the...
the landscaping for.
Oh!
That is quite the statement
coming from a dirt pimp.
When have you created anything?
When have you made anything?
-I don't make money?
-Oh!
Oh, I make a lot of money.
I make it rain.
Everything about me
screams success.
Something you wouldn't know
anything about, Horatio.
You know, I wanted to take you
off the group text,
but I thought... no.
Let the asshole come down
and see how delusional he is.
Rise up, Phil.
Get yourself a one-bedroom
starter condo.
Like reasonable people do
who have no equity,
no money, no tenure.
Finish your little novella
and pray that you get a tenure
teaching position with real pay.
Oh, wait. I forgot.
You're a dreamer, Phil.
Not a doer.
Good day, Phil.
Suck it, Dell. Suck it.
Suck it!
What's that you're ogling
over there?
It's got big boobs?
Ooh, she's a looker.
Midcentury darling.
Original plaster archways,
heated marble bathroom floors,
maple tongue and groove ceiling.
What's that say?
4.6.
4.6 what?
Million.
It's a home, Nick.
It's an investment
for the future.
Stock market's no better
than roulette,
it's like legalized gambling.
I happen to know a few things
about these things.
You're all kinds out of whack.
You make less than 50K year.
How do you figure that?
I know your whole life story.
Adopted by Mormon missionaries.
Disowned by the faith for
having sex with a married elder.
Hmm?
Straight C student at Harvard.
Played the orphan card
to get in,
played the little person card
to stay in.
Divorced twice by the same woman
who took every dollar
you never had.
And now you bring home
a wee bit under 50K
as an adjunct professor,
lecturing spoiled dick weasels,
that's a direct quote, as to how
to invest their trust funds
so they never have to lift
a finger their rotten lives.
I'm actually gonna
quit drinking.
Yeah, you said that too.
I want a place I can call
home, Nick.
Write my novel.
My own parking spot.
A window with a view
other than garbage cans.
You know, American dream.
It's not packing boxes for
Amazon or shitting in a bucket,
living in a van in the desert.
$4.6 million
is a lifetime in debt.
What should one do
in a lifetime?
Yeah.
Ah, everybody's a philosopher.
240,000 with live-in.
What does that mean?
What the hell is this, Phil?
Phil?
What the hell is this?
My new casa.
What am I doing here?
No. More importantly,
what are you doing here?
See, I belong here.
I'm a real estate agent.
I might sell this house.
In fact, I might even buy
this house.
You. You, however, have no hope
in hell of ever,
ever owning a property
like this.
Yeah. This one
I can afford.
You're living in an alternate
reality, my friend.
Says here in print.
"Five million as is,
or 240,000 with live-in."
The latter, I can afford.
Classifieds?
Mmhmm.
Who uses them anymore?
Apparently somebody.
Okay. 240K with live-in.
Fake news.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Well congratulations, Phil.
Maybe you found a seller who's
as batshit crazy as you are.
What does live-in mean?
Who the hell knows?
Maybe the place is haunted.
It's a fucking poltergeist.
Maybe that's your live-in.
Loaded with termites
ready to collapse.
An infestation of mice.
Condemned, probably.
Check it out for me?
There's gotta be something wrong
with this place.
Who are you?
Hi. I'm Dell from Dell
and Friends.
Alright.
I noticed that you listed
this exquisite house.
It's a dream house.
It's elegant and stunning.
It's so us.
Yes, it is.
You getting in?
Eventually.
Eventually rarely comes,
Philip.
Here I come!
Follow me.
The main house is immaculate.
It's worth every penny
of the asking price.
Actually, she may be half
a mil skinny.
Where are we going?
It's a separate quarters
type deal.
Separate how?
Well, okay.
Why are you showing me this?
This is shit.
Shh.
This is where the live-in
would live in.
Temporarily.
Let me... let me just
regurgitate this for clarity.
She will sell the house
for 240 K
if she gets to, uh...
what's her name?
Astrid Fanelli.
-Astrid.
-That's correct.
Can live there
until she croaks.
That's the deal.
Is she lucid?
Who knows?
She's old, you know.
She's... she's lonely.
Her husband passed away
years ago,
they never had any children,
and she doesn't wanna end up
in a convalescence home.
Those places...
those places are awful.
My mother's in one. Okay?
Trust me.
What if she lives another
20 years? What then?
That upstairs is unlivable.
I'm not a doctor. Okay?
But I'll say this...
she's actively dying. Okay?
She's got that wheezing
cough rattle.
You know, the one
that old people get
before they see Jesus.
She's, uh, in a wheelchair
on oxygen,
and I believe she's
still smoking.
I mean, who does that?
It's almost too good
to be true.
Okay. Okay.
It's all legal.
Now, we're gonna need
a creative contract.
But that's...
that's what I do.
Okay. And I get the whole house,
I get the entire house?
Every square inch of it.
I don't wanna be called upon
to caretake, to be clear.
I don't have compassion.
She's got a nurse, she's set.
She lives there, she dies there.
It's non-negotiable.
Okay, I get it.
However, you will be
responsible
for the maintenance payments,
-the utilities, property taxes--
-Yeah.
--lawn care.
It's not gonna be cheap
and it's 240K cash up front.
All up front?
Wait a minute.
You don't have it.
I got it.
You wanna go splitsies with me?
50/50.
Okay, you shit pouch.
Now you, you... you tell her
I got the money.
Tell Astrid I got it.
Draw up the contracts and you
keep your pie hole shut.
You... you're my realtor.
There's ethics involved
here. You know?
This is a fiduciary
relationship.
Look it up, piss flap.
It's just an offer.
You know what?
Offer unaccepted.
Alright.
For the record, again,
I don't advise liquidating
your entire 401K retirement
savings plan.
Well, with great risk
comes great reward.
The best I can do
is eight five.
That's an 1887
Morgan silver dollar.
That's worth eight by itself.
Tell you what, I'll go nine.
Not a penny higher.
What's that?
What about that one?
Everything on that table's
a dollar.
How about $0.50
for this one?
No. That's a buck.
One buck.
That's the dollar table.
Come on, $0.50
You're trying to chisel me
out of two quarters?
You know what?
That is a collector's item
for shit's sake.
Get out of here.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Go, go!
Get the hell out of here.
Everything on this
table's $2.
$238,000.07.
Do you have any of
the maintenance records?
It's 30 something years old.
The maintenance records
disintegrated.
Dad, it's got an eight track!
Don't touch anything!
Sorry your dad's
a deadbeat, cat.
Initial here.
Signature here on each page.
There. Oh, God.
It's supposed to be
brainless, Phil.
Okey dokey.
Congratulations.
You're a homeowner,
my friend.
Twenty-eight percent is a gift.
Go away.
Ugh. Get lost.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Oh! Fuck!
Oh!
Now, what kind of person
throws shoes out of a window?
A dumbass stoner.
And clean up this glass too.
The last thing in the world
I want around here
is a belligerent teenager.
I'm sorry, I understand.
I'll pay for the glass.
Well, good.
You got duct tape on your face.
I fell.
Did you hurt yourself?
Did you break anything?
No. I'll be okay.
Because if you break anything,
you pay for it.
I mean, if you fix it,
then you pay for that too.
Mmhmm?
Um... alright.
You must be Astrid.
You're smart.
Imagine that, a professor
who's got smarts.
Okay. Well, it's nice
to meet you.
Okay, better than
the real thing.
Um... the shower,
the hot water?
Mmhmm?
It's really hot.
You want me to help you make
the hot water colder?
No.
You want me to teach you
how to run a shower?
No. No.
No, no, no.
Um... I set the temperature
just right,
and then when I got in,
the pipes started to rattle
and it made a really loud noise.
And then maybe you heard it,
and then it turned scalding hot,
the hot water. It was...
it burned.
It burned me.
I got... I got burned.
You think you're gonna live?
Yes.
Do you want me to get
a plumber?
Yes, please.
You have to pay the plumber
in cash.
He doesn't take credit.
Thank you.
Oh great, another kid.
Phil.
That hasn't changed.
Whoa.
You're, uh...
you're all cut up there.
I had a mishap.
-Is that duct tape?
-Yes.
That stuff isn't that hygienic,
Phil,
and it's awfully hard to remove.
I do have some Goo Gone
in my office.
What can I do for you, Craig?
My article.
Have you gotten around
to it yet?
Yeah.
I, um... haven't had a chance
to read it yet.
I had a wild few days, Craig.
I moved.
I bought a house.
Shiitake mushrooms,
congratulations.
Let me be the bearer of
even more fantastic news.
Lot B, spot 334, right behind
the humanities building.
Don't tickle my nuts here,
Craig.
No, no.
This is not a nut-tickling,
as you say.
It goes on the rear
right bumper.
Don't mess that up.
They're absolutely Gestapo
about sticker placement.
Where does one put this
on a scooter?
Scooter... hmm,
doesn't go on a scooter.
You have a 1984 Saab 900,
license plate B4...
I sold the car.
You sold the car?
I wanted a more
fuel-efficient option.
Shite. Screw me running.
Phil, I...
Craig!
Uh, please release.
Release.
So Lot B, it's, uh...
it's for cars only,
it's not a scooter lot.
And the flipping sticker is
registered to your Saab plates.
What does it matter?
It's still my vehicle.
Parking spots are like kidney
transplants around here. Okay?
Now you have to register
for the scooter lot.
Who knows how long that'll take.
Scooter drivers tend to be
a lot younger.
Three years of work on this.
My day's shot, Phil!
It's absolutely shot!
Oh shit, shit.
What... what?
Out, out, out.
Off! Off, off, off!
Ah, God...
You should probably watch that
in private.
It's not what you think.
No, no, it's okay.
I, uh... I prefer
older partners.
What?
Can I buy you a beer?
Why would you do that?
Because it's not every day
you see your favorite professor
out and about in
a social setting.
Your favorite professor?
By far.
That's very kind of you.
What makes you say that?
You're not that insecure,
are you?
What? No.
It's a little embarrassing,
but I'll say it.
You're the reason
I'm into economics.
Don't tell me any more.
Your master's thesis
on the economic plight
of the middle American coal
miner was poetry, pure poetry.
You read my master's thesis?
It's on my bedside table.
I'm with some friends.
We're all in your class.
Come on, let me buy you a beer
and I'll tell you
how wonderful you are.
In the history of mankind,
humankind, in every great story,
in every great film...
the hero wants two things.
Number one, and this is by far
the most important,
he wants to go home.
Even LeBron James,
the king himself,
changed the course of his career
by bringing a championship
to his hometown of Cleveland.
Cleveland!
Nobody wants to live
in Cleveland!
And I, your humble cultural
economics professor,
have liquidated everything.
All for the dream of going home.
The power of four walls
and a patch of grass.
American dream is as alive today
as it's ever been.
What's number two?
Come here.
Shh.
The sandwich.
Ahh...
Everybody wants a sandwich.
That is so true.
I'm so hungry.
Imagine.
Oh, my God.
Dr. Loder... you are officially
my favorite professor.
You must be a freshman.
Cultural economics?
It's like watching paint dry.
I don't know you,
but I actually really like
cultural economics.
You do?
Youth of the world, so free.
So dumb.
Absolutely brainless.
Uh...
You wanna share a ride home?
It's likely not on the way.
We could just go to your place.
I'm your professor, Claire.
You're a student.
There's an unwritten
code of ethics.
Actually, there's a written
code, to be clear.
You are... young.
I'm a graduate student.
You are?
Yeah. And I'm 30.
Oh shit.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Shit.
So, you know, technically,
I'm not a 'student' student.
I'm a consenting adult who
happens to be taking your class
and who happens to be
really, really into you.
That's... that's
impressive, Claire.
Oh, wow.
Oh, jeez.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah. No, it's
just, uh...
I didn't expect it to be so...
Yeah, it's a common
misconception.
An unfair stereotype, actually.
It's the unconscious bias that's
plaguing society's perception
in a clandestine way.
You know, it's a logical
conclusion, given a...
You talk too much.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to go
with the flow.
I can't believe
this is happening.
Oh...
The coal miner didn't set out
to poison his lungs
with the black soot
of capitalism.
He set out, like all hardworking
middle Americans did,
to burrow a path to freedom.
A freedom
he would never realize...
at the cost of his own virility.
Yeah.
-It's poetry.
-Yeah.
Ow! Ow, ow.
It's poetry.
Oh, God.
Wanna see
something fun?
Yeah.
Whoa! Oh, gosh,
that's unexpected.
Someone's at the door.
No, it's a woodpecker.
It sounds like knocking.
That's what they do.
It's called drumming.
It's repetitive, pecking
at a resonant object.
Good morning, Mr. Loder.
Whoa!
Good morning.
Oh!
Is this a bad time?
Well, you just walked
right in here, didn't you?
I, uh, knocked.
I was knocking.
Do you want your shower fixed
or what?
Um... yeah. Yes, I do.
This is your girlfriend?
I don't... what?
We're friends.
Whatever. Okay, whatever.
This, uh... is one of my kids.
His name is Boris.
He's the best plumber in town
and he's agreed to do your work
before he gets started
on his day.
Wait. What is he?
I don't like repeating myself,
Mr. Loder.
It is so taxing.
So, I fix shower or what?
I have busy day.
Mr. Loder.
Mr. Loder, yes?
Uh... what?
Yes, yes.
Good.
Go.
Okay, Mama.
See you, Mama.
You're the best.
He'll pay you with cash.
Okay, Mama.
You have cash, yes?
What?
Okay, borrow it from her.
That's what friends are for.
Hi Mom.
It's chilly but the sun is out.
Whoa!
I'm breathing. I'm breathing.
Fuck!
Ow!
Shit!
What was the picture of?
A family reunion photo.
Who's family?
Our family.
Your family?
Yes, us.
You. Huh.
Anything else seem
to be missing?
Well, not that we can tell.
We haven't fully inspected.
Missing family reunion photo.
Looks like he got in
through here.
Aren't you gonna take
fingerprints and such?
We'll get to that.
The perp used
the air conditioner
to gain access to the window.
Perp used air conditioner
to gain access to window.
New window units
are just an open invitation
for burglars.
May as well leave a key
under a rock.
May as well leave
a key under a rock.
You got someone
staying upstairs?
You were sleeping?
Napping.
And you didn't hear
any glass breaking?
No, officer, I did not hear
any glass breaking. No.
You must be a heavy napper.
Sorry. What is your name?
Maggie... Pennington.
She's one of my kids.
You have a cut on your head.
Yeah, uh... I fell getting
out of the shower.
Astrid knows.
I told her about it.
Do you have any knowledge
of this?
Uh... I just remember
that he had a cut on his head,
and he put duct tape over it,
and I thought what an idiot
to put duct tape over a cut.
That... that's not
being very helpful, ma'am.
Thanks for your time, Mr. Loder.
If we have any additional
questions we'll, uh...
we'll get in touch.
Okay. Here to help, Officer.
You have a good day.
Okay. Thank you, Officer.
Keep up the good work.
Let's go, Mom.
Astrid wants to invite you
to dinner.
Okay. That's very nice
of her.
Oh, now. Tonight?
Yes.
Oh.
Unless you'd rather not
or you've eaten already?
No, neither.
Um... Okay, thank you.
I'm just gonna be a minute,
I gotta put on my face.
Don't be long.
Your forehead's bleeding.
Oh.
No, I don't think it is.
It must be the light in here.
Okay, this is older than
you two put together.
It's a Bordeaux '32.
Open it, Mr. Loder.
So, tell me about yourself.
Any past lives?
Wives, children?
I'm afraid I have been
perpetually alone
for quite some time now.
By choice?
By happenstance.
My wife died 12 years ago.
Yes, I'm so sorry.
I feel that pain.
Thank you.
What was her name?
Molly.
Mm.
Here's to Molly.
No, I don't...
I've had enough.
Life is short.
Nothing longer than life.
And you, Astrid?
Me? Let's see now.
I had five countries,
four husbands,
twenty-six cats and kids
all over the world.
How many kids?
Oh, let me think now.
One doctor, one lawyer,
one mathematician.
Um... a butcher, a baker,
a candlestick maker.
And my, uh...
and my precious
little personal attorney,
Magpie.
What kind of law do you
practice, Magpie?
Oh. Probate, mostly.
Wills, real estate,
property disputes.
Okay, so she will settle
the property transfer
when the time comes.
What property transfer?
Well, Astrid and I...
No, no.
He bought the house, Mag.
He bought the house and
it's gonna go to him when...
I mean, when I croak.
I want a berry pie.
I think we're all set, Mom.
No need for sweets
after all that wine.
-No.
-No, it's...
No, we have a guest
to consider.
I'm not a sweet person.
Oh, I can see that.
Let me... let's get ready
for bed.
I have to take my shot.
I have the ultimate fountain
of youth solution.
I do lots and lots
of vitamin C
blended with Human
Growth Hormone.
And then my doctor says,
by the way,
that my innards are like
a 40-year-old
and I may never die.
Good night.
Mr. Loder...
She's in the early stages
of dementia.
Whatever arrangement you think
you have with her
will be worthless
in a court of law.
This house will never be
your house.
You have anything to say?
It was a wonderful evening,
Maggie. Thank you.
I'll enact a power of attorney
and evict you
before the week's out.
You wouldn't wanna get a power
of attorney, Maggie,
this late into
Astrid's dementia.
There are laws about that
that protect the elderly.
She has offspring, Dell!
An heir.
I have a contested will
in my future.
I sold everything
for that house.
Everything I own!
Well, good thing
it wasn't much.
I'm gonna sue you...
and everyone involved with you!
Your families,
your whole company!
Come on, Phil,
you're losing your mind.
Show some class.
I will be sleeping on your
organic Royal Pedic pillow-top
in six months.
Are you done with the threats?
Just get it out.
Get it out.
You told me the old lady
has no children.
Well, I told you
what she told me.
We don't run background checks.
Why not?
They're not criminals
and we're not the FBI.
She's also hopping around
like Fred Astaire.
There's no oxygen, no...
no wheelchair.
She is not actively dying,
doctor. No.
Do you wish death upon her?
Not tomorrow.
No! No, no.
That's awful.
I do not wish death upon anyone.
Oh, God.
I'm saddened to receive such
sagacity from an asshole.
I'm only an asshole
to you, Phil.
Your experience of me
is wholly your own.
Okay. Okay, Plato.
I think you are an asshole
therefore you are one.
You exhaust me.
What are we gonna do?
We need more information.
I know this guy and he does
this sort of thing.
Oh, you know a guy.
He'll find out everything there
is to know about her
and her kids.
So just chill out.
Chilling out.
-Huh?
-Yeah.
Let me make this right.
What kind of moron buys a house
under such circumstances
without doing a background
check of the owner?
Wait a minute.
You aren't... are you crying?
I'm sorry.
You're crying.
Thank you, Jerry.
I had my whole life wrapped up
in that house.
I sold everything.
I mean, I have nothing, Jer.
Literally nothing.
And I'm just sad.
I'm so sad.
Oh, okay. I have seen a lot
of tears in here.
I get it.
Jerry. What can we...
what can we do?
We can turn over every stone,
find out who this Astrid is.
Surveil this Maggie.
See how many other kids
there are, wills, etcetera.
See what your options are.
Hmm?
We can make it as right
as we can.
That's what I do.
Uh... the daughter, the one
who threatened you.
Maggie Pennington.
Maggie.
Huh.
Attorney at law.
Seems to be a local bigwig
with the Chamber of Commerce,
the Planning Board,
the City Council advisory
panel. Single.
How're you getting all that?
Her Facebook page?
Yeah.
Mmhmm.
And then look at this.
Astrid...
When the gap between rich
and poor ballooned in the 1920s,
the wealth cavity reached
critical mass
and no one paid attention.
Then it ruptured,
causing the Great Depression.
Billions of dollars lost,
millions of people destitute.
Hoovervilles in every park.
America at its finest. Ah.
The whole system is
one bureaucratic,
unfiltered cesspool with
a side of ass plunging.
We work, we save,
we make sacrifices...
sacrifices.
All so we can have four walls
and a roof or a plot of land,
a place to hang
your proverbial hat.
Which, by the way, you sold
to your dick toast neighbor
for $0.50 and the asshole
gave it to you in nickels.
So... bend over boys and girls
and take the long rod
of economic life in the old
U.S. of A!
Housing market.
Oh, bonds, funds.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
Just tools of the rich
to help them accumulate
more and more wealth,
while sucking the life
out of the middle class,
which holds its ankles
and hopes that Aunt Sue dies,
so she can leave that
pittance of inheritance,
so they can finally pay off
the mortgage
that's choking the life
out of them.
Yes, the little man is fucked.
Pun intended.
Son, if you wanna be something,
you better be good at it.
'Cause life doesn't treat
failures kindly.
Thanks Dad, I miss you.
I read your agreement.
The point is not part of
the common area.
You have use of
the side easement.
You would deny a man
a view like this?
A man who would swindle an
old lady out of her estate? Yes.
See, that is not a truism.
Astrid and I made a deal.
She sought out that deal,
I did not.
She advertised.
I showed up.
The terms were hers.
We signed a contract.
That is the story
in its totality.
She should have consulted me
before any of this.
I agree.
The whole situation has
become very unpleasant
for all involved.
Every penny I never had
is tied up in this place.
Hence the box of wine.
You care to partake?
No, it smells awful.
It tastes even worse.
You have nothing to lose
but your demureness.
Don't consider this anything
more than a courtesy.
We shall call it...
congeniality.
Here's to a long life
and a merry one.
A quick death
than an easy one.
A pretty girl
and an honest one.
The cold pint and another one.
It's awful.
A pretty girl
and an honest one.
Orion.
Orion, right. Right.
He, Orion...
Mmhmm.
Boasted that he would kill
every animal on Earth,
so Artemis sent a scorpion
to deal with Orion,
and the scorpion killed Orion
and then Zeus...
he raised the scorpion up
to heaven.
And later he did the same
with Orion
to teach us mere mortals to curb
our excessive pride.
-I'm a Scorpio.
-Mmhmm.
Why don't you take me
to your lair
and beat the excessive pride
from my loins?
-Oh, I'm curious.
-Hmm.
I've never had boxed wine.
Hello? Astrid?
Ah, shit.
Ah! Oh!
God!
Ow! Ah!
Astrid?
It looks like she slipped
on some water.
Yeah, I don't know.
I wasn't with her.
It looks like that water came
from upstairs.
And?
Your bathroom? The toilet?
Yeah. I don't... I...
Drains are connected.
Look, her son is the plumber.
So, what are you...
what are you saying?
I'm saying that she slipped
on some water
that possibly came
from your toilet.
Oh.
So, your crime theory is that
I rigged my shitter
to leak water that traveled
through the connecting pipes,
that dripped in the exact spot
where the old lady
was gonna be walking?
Phil!
Ride with me, please?
Miss Pennington?
Yes, Doctor.
Okay. Uh... so we got her
heartbeat back.
Ah. Thank you.
Thank you.
Is she conscious,
can I see her?
Hello.
They got her heart beating.
Oh, God, that's great.
Well, it's a bit more
complicated than that.
I'm sorry. Are you...
are you family?
Doctor, he's with me.
He lives with Mom.
Okay. Uh, well... so... yes,
we got her heartbeat back.
But she was without a heartbeat
for a very long time,
essentially without any oxygen.
Oh, God.
Please, no.
I've seen these things
go many different ways,
so try to stay even about it,
as hard as that is.
We're doing all that we can.
Okay? Yeah.
Try to stay even.
Who says that?
I just think he's
being optimistic.
What does that mean?
What?
Being optimistic?
I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.
I don't know what he
was thinking.
I just think given
the situation,
he was just trying to be
positive, you know,
because the odds are... what?
No. I mean, it's common
knowledge
that without a heartbeat,
without blood being pumped
through your body,
without oxygen to your brain...
I had an uncle who had
the exact same problem.
I'm sorry we did
what we did last night.
Now Maggie...
I don't think
you're a very good person.
This is my parking spot.
The one thing I own around here.
The locks have been changed.
Check your messages, Phil.
Housing market.
Oh, bonds, funds, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
I've been having a series
of very bad days.
This behavior conflicts with
every single ethics regulation
known here at Brockton
University
or any university in
the Western Hemisphere.
I know, I know.
I was totally out of control.
I am guilty.
Who's Claire Milano?
Uh... I believe she's a student
in my cultural econ class.
She's left me several messages
wanting to discuss your
behavior outside of class.
I see.
You're suspended, Phil.
The department will conduct
a full investigation
into your behaviors.
Craig. It's all conjecture,
really.
I mean, the person is guilty
until proven innocent.
It's still America, right?
There are protections
for teachers.
Teachers do have protections.
There are protections
for tenured professors here.
I need this job, Craig.
You're my friend, right?
We're friends, Craig.
Friends, Philip?
Friends read friends'
journal research reviews.
Ah!
Come on, we gotta get two.
I got two!
I got two!
Here, here, here.
Whoo!
Phil! You son of an angel.
Please, come here.
Phil.
Come here.
You saved my life.
I don't understand.
Nobody does.
Only... a higher power.
And God herself.
What are doctors for?
Oh.
They know you should still
be in the hospital
under observation.
That is such bullshit.
They just love to poke and probe
and discover the undiscoverable.
I wanna tell you something.
I saw Jesus.
He talked to me.
He sounded like Jimmy Stewart
but he looked like Prince.
You were...
I was dead for 12 minutes,
and they thought it was
my heart, but it wasn't.
What was it?
Well, they're not certain.
One doctor believes
it was a gas bubble
blocking oxygen
to her windpipe.
Right. I will never eat
hummus again.
Who cares?
Because of you... I woke up,
I got myself dressed
and walked out of that
God forbidden
antiseptic hospital,
and I came here to look at
the sunset.
All because of you.
I don't know what to say.
Just know you are an angel,
Phil.
And because of you, I'm gonna
see many more sunsets.
I've seen a lotta freak-shows
in my day.
But you, you're in a category
all by your lonesome.
I expect that verbal diarrhea
is because of what's inside
this envelope?
You're damn tootin'.
What kind of sick pervert
hires a professional
to surveil the woman
he's fornicating
to take intimate photos
of the most bizarre...
No, no, no, no.
The most dangerous acts
of sexual deviance
I've ever witnessed.
Wow.
Holy shit.
Yeah. Holy shit.
I couldn't kiss my wife
this morning.
How did you get these?
I'm a private investigator,
Mr. Loder.
I said I would track the lady
and that's what I did.
It's like you were right there
in the room.
It's incredible.
Okay, okay, alright.
Okay, okay.
Dell, these are private.
It's private.
And you... you're a private
investigator.
You're bound to code
of confidentiality.
I know what I'm bound to.
Now I know what you're bound to.
Next time just have some decency
and take selfies
for shit's sakes.
I'm not even gonna begin
to defend myself here,
that hasn't been really
working out for me.
But I've got to say, you are
very gifted at your job.
To a fault.
What else did you find out
about Miss Pennington?
I'm waiting on
the background check,
medical and dental records
and financial history and I'll
continue my surveillance.
No, thanks.
I understand.
Is Nite-Aid a hallucinogen?
It contains doxylamine
which can leave you
feeling disoriented.
The phenylephrine can cause
dizziness and light-headedness.
You remind me of me.
I want you to get serious about
seeing a psychiatrist, Philip.
You're losing your grip
on reality.
I know.
Ugh. Oh, I gotta...
I gotta pee.
Oh...
Whoa! My brakes!
Whoa, whoa!
Oh!
God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you keep showing...
oh, my God.
You saved my life again.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes.
You were sent to me from
heaven to watch over me.
And this I know to be true.
I think I did something
to your wheelchair.
I think I messed with it.
Stop avoiding the light.
I think I tried to kill you,
Astrid!
You did not.
Yes, I think I did!
I was drinking, and I don't
know anymore.
I don't know anything
anymore. But I had Nite-Aid,
and I think...
I think... I don't... I'm not...
I'm not married.
Beatrice, my wife,
she's an imaginary woman.
Beatrice... and she has
a twin.
It's a sad male fantasy.
Every time I see the light,
I see your face.
It's just because I'm standing
over you backlit.
Say whatever you want.
It's... you'll understand
one day.
Like I do.
Phil?
I'm... this little old lady.
And I get to say whatever
the fuck I want to.
This is it.
I love you.
I don't know how long
it's been
since you've heard those words,
but... I love you.
Thank you.
Oh... yeah.
I don't want the house anymore.
You can have it, Phil.
It's yours.
I don't want it.
I'm done, Astrid.
I need to get far away.
I don't care about the money.
I just... oh, God, I just want
my soul back.
Oh, you are serious?
Yes.
I see that.
I'm clear.
Oh, I'll just give it
to the kids.
They're gonna fight over
my grave anyway.
I don't think so.
Yeah, well, you don't
know them like I do.
No, I mean I don't think
you're ever gonna die.
That's the real problem.
Sorry.
It's true.
That's a thought.
Well, you're like a cat.
And now you've got
seven lives left.
Yes!
It's true.
Yes, it's true.
Kitty kitty.
Laugh it up.
Crazy old lady.
Be quiet.
I'm never gonna die so
I don't have to hear you.
Okay.
Alright.
I love you.
Phil. Come, come dance
with me.
You know...
you can, you can love.
You can be happy.
You can be whole.
You can be safe.
I want that.
You deserve it, Phil.
How would it work with us?
How would what work?
Making love, everything.
I wanna feel your lights.
Come on.
Let's go.
Be gentle with me, Phil.
No.
Oh... Oh, yes.
Alright. I love you, Phil.
I love you, too, Astrid.
Hello.
Thanks.
Oh, you might wanna wear this.
She's a little wobbly.
Okay. Into the verve.
Sorry I'm late, car trouble.
Oh, you bought a car?
It's an aphorism.
I ordered an appetizer.
I'm not gonna stay,
so thank you.
Oh.
Okay.
Let's just jump right in, then.
I'm here to jump.
I talked to the family
and they've decided to offer you
a partial refund of your money.
Partial, what does that mean?
$50,000.
You feel good about that?
I feel fine.
There's no out clause
in your contract.
Did you read your contract?
My broker read it
on my behalf.
Yeah. You should get
a better broker.
$75,000.
No.
65K.
No.
60K, final offer.
50. Take it or leave it.
Fine, we have a deal.
The paperwork will be
at my office.
You can stop by any time
and sign.
The funds will be released
at that time.
Who's gonna take care
of Astrid?
That's important to you?
It is.
She's, uh... reconsidering
an assisted living situation.
Well, as they say,
it is what it is.
Yes, it is.
You asshole.
Hello, Claire.
You know, you can't just sleep
with someone
and then discard them like
they're styrofoam.
Well, you really shouldn't
discard styrofoam, Claire.
It is recyclable.
Okay.
Always a smart-ass.
You know, I'm seeing
someone else.
Well, I think
that's very healthy.
Why don't you two discuss
this in private?
So, you're sleeping
with him now?
-Claire...
-Don't touch me.
Um... that's really...
Um...
Claire, please. Please!
I had feelings for you.
Well, I didn't mean
for that to happen.
You know what?
I'm glad you got suspended.
It's not very nice to wish ill
upon people, Claire.
Don't try to educate me
anymore, Dr. Loder.
You've lost that privilege.
How do I make this right?
I'm gonna make it right.
I've been talking to the Dean.
Yeah, he listens to me.
He understands me,
and he is a great writer.
His work on micro-lending
in Bangladesh
towers above your scribblings.
That's a real mind.
You're a shit writer, Phil.
I can't believe I ever thought
you had any talent.
$32.
Miss Pennington.
Fornicators.
Go ahead and peck, little bird.
It's in your nature.
Astrid? Ah... Astrid.
Astrid?
Okay, so I am at
St. Vincent's Memorial
in the, um, same place
we were before.
I haven't spoken
to the doctor yet.
Uh... but I guess you saw my
number and you didn't wanna...
Okay, here comes the doctor.
You should get here immediately.
Hello.
Okay. Um, well...
this is never easy. So...
No.
No.
She suffered a massive...
No, Astrid doesn't die.
She can't die.
She died died?
I'm sorry for your loss.
Is there anyone you'd like us
to call for you, perhaps?
Um... you all packed up?
Yeah.
I have left the domicile room
clean as per the exit agreement.
Which you still need to sign.
I will... on the way
out of town.
I trust the check will be there
waiting for me?
Yeah, it is.
Alright then uh... goodbye.
I will leave the key
under the mat.
Phil...
Yeah, no... no. Don't...
Phil, I... I think this is
just... just great.
I mean, 50 grand?
Come on!
50 grand, that's nothing
to scoff at, right?
Yeah, better than a kick
in the balls.
I mean, you got a wad of cash
in your pocket.
You're gonna hit
the road, right?
Explore what's out there
for you.
I mean, that's the American
dream. Right?
Look at me.
What do I got?
I mean, I've got... all the
money I could ever ask for.
I've got a big, beautiful house
and a wife who checks Zillow
every morning to see
what her half is worth.
Sorry to hear that, Dell.
I'm sorry to say it.
Uh... okay, gentlemen.
I've got a novel to write
and miles to go before I sleep.
Phil.
May our paths cross again.
You always know where
to find me.
Go get 'em.
Okay. Thanks, Dell.
Oh, and, uh... Phil.
Give me a jingle if you need me
to look at that exit contract.
I will dream as I see fit.
Hello, officer.
What seems to be the hubbub?
A memorial service.
Oh, must've been
a grand person.
Yeah, your housemate.
Come on!
Come on, now.
Yeah!
Is this for Astrid Fanelli?
Yeah. Were you one of
her kids?
Let's have some music!
Yes.
Come on!
I am.
From what year?
A while back.
Yeah! Opa!
And that was one of
Mama's favorites.
I remember how I first meet her
back in the 1990.
My family and I come to America
from Greece.
I have no friends.
I no spoke English
and my mother sent me
to this
American summer camp
to better in fit.
This beautiful woman,
Astrid Fanelli,
she have no kids for herself.
So she opened camp
for all the kids.
Alright!
But today we sing to her
all the songs she sing to us.
You just can't find tumble
marble anywhere these days.
Look at the detail here
in the stonework
It's really, really something
special, unique,
and it's original.
All of it, really.
Uh... of course, the view.
It comes with the property.
Hey. You gonna be okay?
Me? I'm not the one who died.
That happens.
Nothing to think about anymore.
You, on the other hand...
you're gonna be plagued
by thoughts and opinions,
vernacular, intellect.
These daydreams.
You gotta stop dreaming, Phil.
I'm gonna miss you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well... congratulations.
You pulled it off, buddy.
We've got multiple offers all
way north of the asking price.
You're gonna be rich.
Okay?
Why aren't you falling
out of your chair?
Well, here's the deal.
I don't think I'm gonna sell.
This place has
sentimental value.
Astrid would not want me to.
Plus, the kids love the camp.
I'm not motivated.
You need to be motivated
about these things.
I want you to come clean
with me.
You did this deliberately.
You did it deliberately.
-You did, Phil.
-No.
You knew...
you knew all along
that you had no intentions
of selling the property.
No, I'm never
100 percent certain
about anything these days.
It's hard to be.
You motherless son of a bitch.
I have a mother, Dell.
She's a good woman.
You don't wanna be happy?
Fine.
Son of a bitch.
He's so angry.
Anger is fear turned outwards.
Well, he must be
very fearful then.
You want another?
Ahhh... you think I should?
You did say you're going
to curb your drinking.
Did I say that?
More than once.
You also said you were
going to see someone...
a proper psychiatrist.
Yeah. I remember that.
Hey, don't be blue.
I'm just looking out for you.
We only want what's best.
I'm so grateful for you.
For both of you.
Isn't it a lovely day?
I'm going swimming.
I'm getting in too.
Do what you must.
One more beer.
And book that appointment!
Ladies...
Watch out!
I promise I will make
an appointment
with a shrink, post haste.
What will that mean for us?
I wanna know what that
will mean for us.
A perplexing, indeed.
There are times when I really
dislike my job.
And this is one of them.
Jerry... not a fan
of your envelopes.
Just speak to me.
Now look, your girlfriend,
Miss Pennington...
is cheating on you.
Oh, Jerry...
This is good news?
What she's doing there
is devious.
It is troublesome.
That is for certain.
Dr. Loder! Hey.
Phil, Phil. Hey.
Dr. Kapinski?
I have, uh... great news.
Oh. My parking credentials.
Look at that, VIP.
Yeah.
I can park wherever I want
in whatever vehicle I want.
The highest honor bestowed
here at Brockton University.
Yeah, yeah.
Took a little finagling, but...
As these things do.
You know, I was
just wondering...
Yeah.
Thinking.
Well, uh... I just wanna
make sure
those pictures, you know,
that there aren't any--
Duplicates.
Oh yeah, there are.
Actually, I have one right here
in my wallet.
Doesn't Claire look lovely
in that light?
Oh, God.
Have a good summer, Craig.
You too, Phil.