Amors Baller (2011) Movie Script
I never got the point of football.
It's wet and dirty, and you constantly
get kicked in the shin.
But for some reason
football is an awesome chick magnet.
Back home in Stockholm
I had buddies and played in a band.
Then mom decides
we're moving to Norway.
Norwegians? What kind of taste
do they have in music? None!
Are we going to live here?
- Yes, we are.
- What's that pile of dirt?
We're renovating.
Look at the house.
Yeah, look at the house...
Feel that air!
- I'm so sorry.
- It's OK. It didn't hurt.
- Do you live here?
- We just moved here from Sweden.
Cool.
Welcome.
- Yeah.
- Bye!
Hey, you forgot your ball!
CUPID'S BALLS
Faster!
You aren't on vacation here!
Good.
Come on, boys,
fight for possession!
You're too spread out!
Compress!
That's good!
Thomas, you have to hold that line
for more than ten seconds!
We can put in a pool here.
And your band can rehearse
in the basement.
I doubt my band will come
all the way from Stockholm.
You can start a new band.
You need to try to fit in here.
Look how lovely!
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- Would you screw her?
- It's a drawing.
Use your imagination.
If she were real, would you screw her?
Lmagine her, in front of us right now.
Big tits, soaking wet.
Ready to be screwed.
Would you screw her?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Are you gay?
No.
- It's totally fine if you're gay.
- But I'm not.
Just stay away from
"my tunnel of love".
Tunnel of love?
You mean your butt?
- You are gay!
- What? No!
- Stian.
- Lucas.
I'm the assistant coach here.
That's my dad.
Stian!
Water!
What is this?
Norway Cup is right around the corner.
You aren't taking it seriously.
The way you're playing now,
we're miles from anything!
Tomorrow we work on conditioning.
What are you doing?
Jogging.
Dad's giving me a moped
if I get below 100 kilos.
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- No.
Me neither.
- Have you dipped it?
- What do you mean?
Done the nasty.
Sampled the goods.
Has the monster
been in the cookie jar?
You mean
"relations of an intimate nature"?
Yes!
Why do you ask?
Norway Cup last year...
This close.
A Finnish right-back.
Laura!
She was bigger than me.
I felt thin, fit, sexy.
This year, you just wait!
- Team party at Petter's.
- Who? The captain?
He always has one before Norway Cup.
But the assistant coach
can't socialize with the team.
- That wouldn't be professional.
- Or don't you dare go in?
Don't you think I dare?
That was such an awesome play.
Semis last year. Norway Cup.
We lost to Brixton Town.
Hi.
Thank you.
Your workout routine
seems to be working, Stian.
So does yours.
So... everything's about football here?
Yeah.
Come and get it.
- Are you chicken?
- Chicken? I'm letting you win.
- You haven't played much football.
- Sure I have.
Where are you from?
It's called "The Venice of the North".
"The City of Lovers".
- Paris?
- What? No. Stockholm.
- What did you do in Stockholm?
- I was in a band.
- I played drums.
- OK.
If you were on a desert island
and could only bring one person...
- Who would you bring?
- On a desert island?
It would have to be a friend.
A friend who never stopped
surprising me. How about you?
I think I'd bring a Norwegian.
A Norwegian?
Who?
Do you know who Thor Heyendahl is?
Thor Heyerdahl?
Why?
Because he could build a raft
and bring us home.
An ant.
- Wait, don't move. Close your eyes.
- What is it?
Your face is full of grass!
Susanne!
What's going on?
See you later.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Hey, Stian.
- Yeah?
You know you're not welcome here.
Bring your new friend,
and get out of here.
No stress, brothers!
You're such an idiot, Stian.
How do I get into Norway Cup?
- As a football player?
- What else?
a big fan of Swedes.
All right.
See you later.
- Have you played any sports?
- No.
Yes. Basketball.
You have played basketball.
- What? No.
- Yes, you have played basketball.
I'm going to coach you.
See you tomorrow at practice.
Try to wear something more manly.
Dad, this is Lucas.
- Lucas Bergstrm.
- Swedish?
- He wants to join the team.
- Have you played before?
Just some basketball.
Sorry, my team's full.
- I can coach him.
- When did you become a coach?
It's OK if the team is full.
Are you letting him try out?
- I'm coaching him.
- You're an ignorant, fat jerk!
I may be fat, but you're ugly.
And I can go on a diet!
What do you care if I coach him?
We can't bring in new players now.
I decide who gets to play
and who doesn't get to play.
There's plenty of room on the bench.
- Are you serious, Jan?
- Get out on the field.
Hi!
I'm going to that tournament.
You know, Norway Cup?
- You'll be there, right?
- Yeah.
So we'll be going there together?
- Yeah.
- OK.
Will we be riding on the same bus?
No, there's a boy bus and a girl bus.
But I'll see you in the evenings?
Yeah...
You know I have a boyfriend, right?
Yeah, sure.
I know that.
Bye.
Looking forward to it!
Oslo?
Yeah.
- For a week?
- Why not?
- You wanted me to fit in.
- Sure, but football? For a week?
- What?
- You've never played football.
Sure I have.
During recess, in my spare time...
I've never seen you talk about
or play football, -
- and suddenly you're going
to some tournament in Oslo?
Mom, I'm fifteen.
I need to follow my dreams.
Come on!
Faster!
Faster!
Dribble past me.
Past me!
Pick up the pace!
Check out those tits!
- You can't do that.
- I got past you.
Never mix women with football.
Get back in position.
Come on, Zlatan!
Ol!
Cold, wet...
Beautiful!
Attack the ball, Lucas.
The ball!
Come on, Lucas!
Hey, take it easy!
- Get up, chicken.
- Take it easy, Petter!
He's a rookie.
This isn't some Boy Scout trip.
This isn't a sex boat in Ayia Napa!
Come on!
Your weight's too far back.
You just want me to be
as fat as you are.
- You need more weight up front.
- You want me to be fatter than you?
Masseur?
There are 30,000 footballers
at Norway Cup.
I simply offer them a form of therapy.
What did you have in mind?
A Thai massage?
"Stian's Thai".
- With a "happy ending"?
- Sure. With a happy ending.
Do you even know what that means?
Of course...
OK, boys!
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- One more time: Are you ready?
- Yeah!
We play our first game
as soon as we get there.
Just dump your bags
and meet me over by Field 9.
We are playing a team from Bergen.
That's the spirit!
Break a leg!
We have met them before.
They're tight in back.
Tight in back?
Yeah, so we have to slip down
along the side and hammer it in.
- Hammer it in?
- Yeah, behind the defenders.
- Past the goalie.
- Right into their tunnel of love?
We're the Grimsrud Boys
We rule the field
With hearts full of power
And legs made of steel
We feint and dribble
And sing our song
The Grimsrud Boys
Are coming on strong!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Be it raining or sunny
Be it muddy or wet
We fight for the team
We're your best bet!
Potty break.
Five minutes.
We're the Grimsrud Boys
We rule the field...
Hi.
My name is Lucas.
What's your name?
I have nice tits.
Tits, calves and thighs.
OK, is everyone here?
Yeah.
We're all here.
Hello!
Help!
Open the door!
Hello!
Don't leave!
Apparently they wanted me
to ride with you.
I guess...
- Are you really Swedish?
- Where are you from?
Can you say "I love you" in Swedish?
- I love you?
- Oh, I love you too!
- Leave him alone.
- Are you a virgin?
- See something you like?
- Not at all.
OK, girls!
Can you hear... Hello?
Testing, testing! One, two, three!
Everyone ready?
- Yeah!
- Excellent!
Let's hear it again, girls!
Yeah!
- Are you ready to play ball?
- Yeah!
Let me remind you of some rules.
No boys are allowed in the dorms.
We have upgraded security,
so there's no point in trying.
If I see so much
as a boy's earlobe, -
- you'll both be sent straight home!
Is that understood?
Yeah...
Move it forward!
In towards the middle!
Excellent!
The boys are staying over there.
It's easy to find.
- OK? See you!
- Thanks.
The atmosphere is fantastic!
Love is in the air...
Excuse me, do you know
where Grimsrud is staying?
Grimsrud?
Over here.
- What the hell? Thanks for waiting!
- My pleasure.
You fall asleep in the bathroom?
This is the first match in Group D.
Grimrsud FK versus Fana IL.
Fana's defense seems solid as...
Who is that?
He's a talent scount from the pros.
He's here to look at Petter.
This is his big chance.
Did anything happen on the bus?
Oh, yeah.
All the hottest girls got naked.
We ended up having this awesome orgy.
If it were me, -
- I would have started
by seducing one of the girls.
I'd start by rubbing her tits.
Give her a nice massage.
Then I'd move down.
Take off her panties.
And finally I would have stood up
and just...
Yes!
Grimsrud takes the lead
a few minutes into the first half.
This looks to be an easy match.
Give me a break!
Grimsrud FK leads 1-0
against Mathare United...
Grimrsud has won
all its matches so far.
If they keep this up, they're
guaranteed a spot in the final round.
Spread out!
What the hell are you doing?
Get back on the bench!
The Mathare players seem tired.
They have played a lot this summer.
They won Gothia Cup and Dana Cup.
It's all over!
Grimrsud is in the final round!
Surprisingly, Mathare is eliminated.
That's the best game you've ever
played. They've won ten cups!
This is as good as beating Brazil
in that key game.
June 23, '98.
The Norwegian national team.
- Grimsrud rules!
- Bet your ass!
Grimsrud, Grimsrud, Grimsrud rules!
Yeah!
Come on, boys! Full focus!
We have two games to go!
Good night, Lucas.
What the hell?
A little midnight snack?
Where's the jam?
All comfy, Lucas?
You crack me up!
Jerks!
- Hi.
- Hi.
She was cute.
And a good dancer.
Probably from Brazil.
Probably.
The Vletnamese girls are up 2-0.
Grimsrud is struggling.
This could very well be
the end of the cup for them.
The Grimsrud goalie
just tackled her.
Penalty kick!
Are you all right?
She seems to have been kicked
in the shoulder.
Clearly in pain,
she gets ready in the goal.
If Vletnam scores now,
Grimsrud is out of the cup.
- Your girlfriend sucks!
- Shut up!
Game over!
That's it
for the girls from Grimsrud.
But it will be exciting to follow
the team from Vletnam.
Screw this!
Hi.
Thanks.
You were good.
You played well.
No, I didn't!
A lot better than me.
Although that doesn't say much.
I am sick and tired of Norway Cup.
I don't know why I came.
Then... maybe you and I
could start a band?
- When we get back to Grimsrud.
- Right.
- And what would I play?
- You could sing.
- I can't sing!
- I'm sure you can.
What kind of music would we play?
I don't know, mayb like...
The White Stripes?
But I'd have to be
Miss White Stripe, -
- since I'm the drummer.
They probably deserved to win.
They were tiny,
but they were much better than us.
Ouch!
No, I'm fine.
- No.
- You look great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Shopping with your girlfriend?
- Yeah, no... We're just friends.
Good luck.
There's no comparison.
You look beautiful in that.
Thank you.
- Am I interrupting?
- No.
What are you doing?
Any clients yet?
No.
But there's a tactic involved.
It's like fishing:
You toss out the line and wait for
a fish, while you grill hot dogs.
But if you could choose,
who would you choose?
The problem is, she's only interested
in football players.
Just talk to her.
She's out of my league.
Look at me!
And she's perfect.
A 10 out of 10.
Whereas me?
Hey.
Is something going on
between you and Petter's girlfriend?
No...
Don't mess with the team captain.
And don't mess with
his girlfriend, either.
If we lose him now,
we'll lose Norway Cup.
Brixton Town is playing Molde FK.
Who is this?
Brixton Town.
They beat us last year.
Brixton has won all its matcges.
No doubt...
- Damn, they play rough!
- I hope we never meet them again.
- Who is that?
- Roy Terring, the captain.
Yeah. He must have been born
out of the ass of a pit bull.
Grimrsud is in excellent form!
Beating Lyn 4-0 is no surprise, -
- but Grimsrud has totally dominated
the entire match.
Thomas! Fridtjov!
Come on!
Get your ass moving, Lucas!
Come on!
Come on!
Hurry up!
Lucas and Truls.
You can't put him in now!
- We're up 4-0.
- Look at him!
We're up 4-0 with 5 minutes to go.
We have to rest our players.
No one pass to the Swede, OK?
Come on, Lucas!
Go for the ball.
Game over!
Grimrsud is in the final.
Their opponent will be determined
later today.
But Grimsrud FK is one of the teams
in tomorrow's final!
OK, we're this far, this far,
from going all the way.
All we have to do now,
is conserve energy.
Excellent job.
Hit the showers.
Brixton Town is up 3-0.
They have totally
dominated Lillestrm.
If they score off of this corner,
they are in the final.
Shit!
Brixton is in the final
versus Grimsrud FK!
That's happening tomorrow.
Hope to see you all there!
Do you want more?
You want more?
You got it!
She smiled at me!
That girl smiled at me!
Can you believe we're in the final?
We've never been as good
as we are now.
Condoms.
I'm sure they'II give you one
if you ask.
If we're going to get any action,
we have to stop acting like babies.
What...
Look at them!
Isn't that a little ambitious?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Stian, you'II never get any
if you keep acting like that.
- Have you tried that one?
- We're going to now.
- Lucas?
- That one?
Actually, I feel kind of queasy.
No, don't worry.
Come on, they're leaving!
- What are you up to?
- Me? Nothing.
Give me a break.
- What?
- I see what's going on.
- Come on.
- What do you mean?
I mean what I mean.
Lucas, Petter, Petter, Lucas?
Yeah...
I think you should
do something about it.
Say something to Petter, or whatever.
Why does it have to be so hard?
It isn't really that hard, is it?
Petter, we need to talk.
Hey!
It's not your turn.
Sorry, I was just having a go. You
don't need to get all fussy about it.
Take a seat,
and I'll show you how it's done.
- It's not your turn!
- I was just having a go.
So he needs Barbie to help him!
I ain't going to tell you again.
If you get in my way, I'll knock
you on your fucking ass!
Come on, love,
you come with me, yeah?
- Come on!
- Stop!
You're the captain of your team,
right? It needs you.
Stop! Solve it on the field
like a proper player.
OK?
Never do that again, OK?
You're a real peace negotiator.
Middle East, UN and all that.
Peace brother!
What are you wearing?
Never seen a OnePiece before?
They're brilliant!
One zip, and you're naked.
I just have to pee.
Where do you think you're going?
You aren't supposed to be here.
Hey!
Come back here!
Where do you think you're going?
You horny little pervert.
Show yourself!
Hey!
Come here!
Where do you think you're going?
Come here!
- Did a boy just come in here?
- Just you.
A blond boy
didn't just come in here?
Has anyone just come in here?
No.
Did anyone just come in here?
Are you sure?
Good night, girls.
Sleep tight.
What are you doing here?
I don't know.
Come.
Susanne?
Everything's under control!
Look, no hands!
Look at all that beer!
Someone is staying here.
Put them back!
Take them.
It isn't dangerous!
Let's see if they're home.
Come on!
- Come on!
- Where are you going?
Don't be chicken.
Come on!
- Someone lives here!
- Stop it. They're asleep.
Feel it.
It's warm.
What are you doing?
- Come on. The water's warm.
- Are you crazy?
Someone lives here!
Don't you dare do anything?
- Come on.
- Let go!
- Come on!
- Don't do that. Let go!
No!
Shit!
Not now!
Why aren't you coming?
Hurry!
Hey, put down those towels!
Thanks.
Have you been on bike rides
with many girls?
No, I've never biked before.
With a girl, that is.
Like this.
But...
You know nothing can happen
between us, right?
OK.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
Shit!
I have to go.
Just don't...
Don't tell anyone about this, OK?
This wasn't supposed to happen.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Sit down.
Want me to get you anything?
Why do you look so tired, Lucas?
Keen for some crispbread?
Looks like you didn't sleep a wink
last night.
I'm not the only one
who didn't get much sleep.
I don't think your girlfriend
slept much, either.
What the hell are you talking about?
It's hard to sleep
when you aren't wearing any clothes.
Watch yourself!
- I'm tired of taking your crap.
- What are you doing?
I should have dumped you ages ago!
What the hell is your problem?
What?
My problem?
What about you?
Look at yourself.
Who will your boyfriend be tomorrow?
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
How about Thomas?
He's good looking.
The night before the final?
Petter's girlfriend? The night before?
- So you're on his side?
- That has nothing to do with it!
Shit!
It's easy for you to say.
You've never played!
You're only at Norway Cup
because you're the coach's son.
Do you really think you'll get laid
by dieting and offering massages?
You will never score at Norway Cup.
And you will never become
a football coach.
Shut your mouth,
pack your stuff, -
- and get back to Sweden before
you fuck up anything else for us.
Judas!
Time for the final in Group D.
Brixton Town versus Grimsrud FK.
Both teams have had
a fantastic cup.
When they met last year,
Grimrsud didn't stand a chance.
Brixton has traditionally
been the stronger team.
And their striker, Roy Terring,
shows his strength immediately!
Brixton Town is up 1-0.
What a goal!
The Grimsrud players
haven't gotten into the game yet.
Several players are calling
for offisde, but the ref disagrees.
Brixton likes to play on the edge,
and that doesn't always pay off.
- Penalty!
- No doubt about that call.
What's Barbie gonna do for you now?
You're joking!
Grimsrud's captain takes charge.
His name is Petter Stbakk.
Judging by his performance so far, -
- don't be surprised to see him
as a professional some day.
No Petter Stbakk missed!
Unfortunately for Grimsrud.
We'll take a 15-minute
half-time break.
Brixton Town is in the lead, 1-0.
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, Lucas. How are things?
Fine.
- Are you a football player?
- No.
How are you? You sound sad.
Want me to come get you?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- I can come right now.
Mom, it's OK.
Here comes the carpenter.
I'll see you in a few days.
Looking forward to it.
Bye!
What is it with you?
You look like a pack of used condoms.
Dad?
We're in the final.
Don't yell at them.
Go sit down, Stian.
- You don't have to yell at them now.
- Sit down!
Now I've lost my voice.
Because of you.
If you don't
pull yourselves together, -
- I'll see to it personally
that you walk home to Grimsrud.
OK, guys. We're down by one goal,
but we can do this!
Shut up!
We don't care what you have to say.
Go help him.
Show that you're here for a reason.
- What?
- Help Stian.
Petter, yes,
you screwed up the penalty kick.
But you have the best right leg
in the tournament.
- Get lost, fatso.
- What about your feint?
No one on that team stands a chance
against your feint!
Stian, shut up!
The second half will begin
in two minutes.
What the hell are you doing here?
I don't understand you guys.
For years, Stian has done
everything he can to make you better.
Brought you water,
cleaned up after you.
And all you have done,
is act like asses.
Go out there and play like a team,
and you can right your wrongs.
Let's go!
We're the Grimsrud boys
We rule the field
With hearts full of power
And legs made of steel
We feint and dribble...
And sing our song...
Here come the Grimsrud boys!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
We may not win out there,
but I know you'll give it your all!
We're waiting for you, boys.
OK, guys.
Ready to go to war?
Let's go to war!
We are ready for the second haif.
Brixton Town is ahead 1-0.
Where is Petter?
Where is Petter?!
Lucas, find Petter. Come on!
Hey, I need three minutes.
Get lost.
Why aren't you out there
with the others?
Just get lost, OK?
But... why?
I missed that penalty kick.
That pro scout
won't be interested in me now.
Can't you go out there
and play for the team?
They don't stand a chance without
you.
You're the best player.
Your team needs you now
more than ever.
And I'm sorry about Susanne.
I don't care about Susanne.
She isn't even here.
What?
She took the bus.
Captain Petter Stbakk
is back on the field!
Grimsrud is playing
with a completely different attitude.
They must have received
quite a pep talk!
Stbakk has the ball
and goes on the attack.
Stbakk shoots...
And Stbakk scores for Grimsrud!
Can you believe it?
The second half has just started.
Great play, Stbakk and Grimsrud!
After Grimsrud's equalizer
this game is again wide open.
Hi.
You're allowed to screw up.
Anyone can be wrong.
That doesn't mean you can't
be forgiven, or apologize.
Wait.
What should I do?
You should talk to her.
Go after her!
Hey!
The Grimsrud players seem tired
now.
The fans are calling for a free kick,
but the ref lets it pass.
He's allowing play to continue.
Come on!
Come on!
- I dig you!
- You too!
Susanne!
Wait!
We have to talk!
Free kick for Brixton.
Dangerously near Grimsrud's goal.
They choose to play
around the wall...
And it's 2-1 to Brixton!
Stop the bus!
Shit!
And the Group D final is over!
Congratulations Brixton Town!
Better luck next year, Grimsrud.
Good job, Petter.
Petter, do you have time for a talk?
I missed that penalty.
Anyone can miss a penalty.
Tough game.
Loser!
You did a great coaching job.
Thank you.
- We'II get them next time.
- Sure.
- You and me.
- We'II get them next time.
- Hi there.
- You still give massages?
- Not anymore.
- Not even for me?
For you?
Of course!
Do you even know
how to give a massage?
No, not really...
- I can show you.
- Yeah?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Listen, I'm sorry.
It's OK.
We're starting a band together, right?
Of course.
What should we call it?
Happy Ending.
It's wet and dirty, and you constantly
get kicked in the shin.
But for some reason
football is an awesome chick magnet.
Back home in Stockholm
I had buddies and played in a band.
Then mom decides
we're moving to Norway.
Norwegians? What kind of taste
do they have in music? None!
Are we going to live here?
- Yes, we are.
- What's that pile of dirt?
We're renovating.
Look at the house.
Yeah, look at the house...
Feel that air!
- I'm so sorry.
- It's OK. It didn't hurt.
- Do you live here?
- We just moved here from Sweden.
Cool.
Welcome.
- Yeah.
- Bye!
Hey, you forgot your ball!
CUPID'S BALLS
Faster!
You aren't on vacation here!
Good.
Come on, boys,
fight for possession!
You're too spread out!
Compress!
That's good!
Thomas, you have to hold that line
for more than ten seconds!
We can put in a pool here.
And your band can rehearse
in the basement.
I doubt my band will come
all the way from Stockholm.
You can start a new band.
You need to try to fit in here.
Look how lovely!
- Hi there.
- Hi.
- Would you screw her?
- It's a drawing.
Use your imagination.
If she were real, would you screw her?
Lmagine her, in front of us right now.
Big tits, soaking wet.
Ready to be screwed.
Would you screw her?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Are you gay?
No.
- It's totally fine if you're gay.
- But I'm not.
Just stay away from
"my tunnel of love".
Tunnel of love?
You mean your butt?
- You are gay!
- What? No!
- Stian.
- Lucas.
I'm the assistant coach here.
That's my dad.
Stian!
Water!
What is this?
Norway Cup is right around the corner.
You aren't taking it seriously.
The way you're playing now,
we're miles from anything!
Tomorrow we work on conditioning.
What are you doing?
Jogging.
Dad's giving me a moped
if I get below 100 kilos.
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- No.
Me neither.
- Have you dipped it?
- What do you mean?
Done the nasty.
Sampled the goods.
Has the monster
been in the cookie jar?
You mean
"relations of an intimate nature"?
Yes!
Why do you ask?
Norway Cup last year...
This close.
A Finnish right-back.
Laura!
She was bigger than me.
I felt thin, fit, sexy.
This year, you just wait!
- Team party at Petter's.
- Who? The captain?
He always has one before Norway Cup.
But the assistant coach
can't socialize with the team.
- That wouldn't be professional.
- Or don't you dare go in?
Don't you think I dare?
That was such an awesome play.
Semis last year. Norway Cup.
We lost to Brixton Town.
Hi.
Thank you.
Your workout routine
seems to be working, Stian.
So does yours.
So... everything's about football here?
Yeah.
Come and get it.
- Are you chicken?
- Chicken? I'm letting you win.
- You haven't played much football.
- Sure I have.
Where are you from?
It's called "The Venice of the North".
"The City of Lovers".
- Paris?
- What? No. Stockholm.
- What did you do in Stockholm?
- I was in a band.
- I played drums.
- OK.
If you were on a desert island
and could only bring one person...
- Who would you bring?
- On a desert island?
It would have to be a friend.
A friend who never stopped
surprising me. How about you?
I think I'd bring a Norwegian.
A Norwegian?
Who?
Do you know who Thor Heyendahl is?
Thor Heyerdahl?
Why?
Because he could build a raft
and bring us home.
An ant.
- Wait, don't move. Close your eyes.
- What is it?
Your face is full of grass!
Susanne!
What's going on?
See you later.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Hey, Stian.
- Yeah?
You know you're not welcome here.
Bring your new friend,
and get out of here.
No stress, brothers!
You're such an idiot, Stian.
How do I get into Norway Cup?
- As a football player?
- What else?
a big fan of Swedes.
All right.
See you later.
- Have you played any sports?
- No.
Yes. Basketball.
You have played basketball.
- What? No.
- Yes, you have played basketball.
I'm going to coach you.
See you tomorrow at practice.
Try to wear something more manly.
Dad, this is Lucas.
- Lucas Bergstrm.
- Swedish?
- He wants to join the team.
- Have you played before?
Just some basketball.
Sorry, my team's full.
- I can coach him.
- When did you become a coach?
It's OK if the team is full.
Are you letting him try out?
- I'm coaching him.
- You're an ignorant, fat jerk!
I may be fat, but you're ugly.
And I can go on a diet!
What do you care if I coach him?
We can't bring in new players now.
I decide who gets to play
and who doesn't get to play.
There's plenty of room on the bench.
- Are you serious, Jan?
- Get out on the field.
Hi!
I'm going to that tournament.
You know, Norway Cup?
- You'll be there, right?
- Yeah.
So we'll be going there together?
- Yeah.
- OK.
Will we be riding on the same bus?
No, there's a boy bus and a girl bus.
But I'll see you in the evenings?
Yeah...
You know I have a boyfriend, right?
Yeah, sure.
I know that.
Bye.
Looking forward to it!
Oslo?
Yeah.
- For a week?
- Why not?
- You wanted me to fit in.
- Sure, but football? For a week?
- What?
- You've never played football.
Sure I have.
During recess, in my spare time...
I've never seen you talk about
or play football, -
- and suddenly you're going
to some tournament in Oslo?
Mom, I'm fifteen.
I need to follow my dreams.
Come on!
Faster!
Faster!
Dribble past me.
Past me!
Pick up the pace!
Check out those tits!
- You can't do that.
- I got past you.
Never mix women with football.
Get back in position.
Come on, Zlatan!
Ol!
Cold, wet...
Beautiful!
Attack the ball, Lucas.
The ball!
Come on, Lucas!
Hey, take it easy!
- Get up, chicken.
- Take it easy, Petter!
He's a rookie.
This isn't some Boy Scout trip.
This isn't a sex boat in Ayia Napa!
Come on!
Your weight's too far back.
You just want me to be
as fat as you are.
- You need more weight up front.
- You want me to be fatter than you?
Masseur?
There are 30,000 footballers
at Norway Cup.
I simply offer them a form of therapy.
What did you have in mind?
A Thai massage?
"Stian's Thai".
- With a "happy ending"?
- Sure. With a happy ending.
Do you even know what that means?
Of course...
OK, boys!
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- One more time: Are you ready?
- Yeah!
We play our first game
as soon as we get there.
Just dump your bags
and meet me over by Field 9.
We are playing a team from Bergen.
That's the spirit!
Break a leg!
We have met them before.
They're tight in back.
Tight in back?
Yeah, so we have to slip down
along the side and hammer it in.
- Hammer it in?
- Yeah, behind the defenders.
- Past the goalie.
- Right into their tunnel of love?
We're the Grimsrud Boys
We rule the field
With hearts full of power
And legs made of steel
We feint and dribble
And sing our song
The Grimsrud Boys
Are coming on strong!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Be it raining or sunny
Be it muddy or wet
We fight for the team
We're your best bet!
Potty break.
Five minutes.
We're the Grimsrud Boys
We rule the field...
Hi.
My name is Lucas.
What's your name?
I have nice tits.
Tits, calves and thighs.
OK, is everyone here?
Yeah.
We're all here.
Hello!
Help!
Open the door!
Hello!
Don't leave!
Apparently they wanted me
to ride with you.
I guess...
- Are you really Swedish?
- Where are you from?
Can you say "I love you" in Swedish?
- I love you?
- Oh, I love you too!
- Leave him alone.
- Are you a virgin?
- See something you like?
- Not at all.
OK, girls!
Can you hear... Hello?
Testing, testing! One, two, three!
Everyone ready?
- Yeah!
- Excellent!
Let's hear it again, girls!
Yeah!
- Are you ready to play ball?
- Yeah!
Let me remind you of some rules.
No boys are allowed in the dorms.
We have upgraded security,
so there's no point in trying.
If I see so much
as a boy's earlobe, -
- you'll both be sent straight home!
Is that understood?
Yeah...
Move it forward!
In towards the middle!
Excellent!
The boys are staying over there.
It's easy to find.
- OK? See you!
- Thanks.
The atmosphere is fantastic!
Love is in the air...
Excuse me, do you know
where Grimsrud is staying?
Grimsrud?
Over here.
- What the hell? Thanks for waiting!
- My pleasure.
You fall asleep in the bathroom?
This is the first match in Group D.
Grimrsud FK versus Fana IL.
Fana's defense seems solid as...
Who is that?
He's a talent scount from the pros.
He's here to look at Petter.
This is his big chance.
Did anything happen on the bus?
Oh, yeah.
All the hottest girls got naked.
We ended up having this awesome orgy.
If it were me, -
- I would have started
by seducing one of the girls.
I'd start by rubbing her tits.
Give her a nice massage.
Then I'd move down.
Take off her panties.
And finally I would have stood up
and just...
Yes!
Grimsrud takes the lead
a few minutes into the first half.
This looks to be an easy match.
Give me a break!
Grimsrud FK leads 1-0
against Mathare United...
Grimrsud has won
all its matches so far.
If they keep this up, they're
guaranteed a spot in the final round.
Spread out!
What the hell are you doing?
Get back on the bench!
The Mathare players seem tired.
They have played a lot this summer.
They won Gothia Cup and Dana Cup.
It's all over!
Grimrsud is in the final round!
Surprisingly, Mathare is eliminated.
That's the best game you've ever
played. They've won ten cups!
This is as good as beating Brazil
in that key game.
June 23, '98.
The Norwegian national team.
- Grimsrud rules!
- Bet your ass!
Grimsrud, Grimsrud, Grimsrud rules!
Yeah!
Come on, boys! Full focus!
We have two games to go!
Good night, Lucas.
What the hell?
A little midnight snack?
Where's the jam?
All comfy, Lucas?
You crack me up!
Jerks!
- Hi.
- Hi.
She was cute.
And a good dancer.
Probably from Brazil.
Probably.
The Vletnamese girls are up 2-0.
Grimsrud is struggling.
This could very well be
the end of the cup for them.
The Grimsrud goalie
just tackled her.
Penalty kick!
Are you all right?
She seems to have been kicked
in the shoulder.
Clearly in pain,
she gets ready in the goal.
If Vletnam scores now,
Grimsrud is out of the cup.
- Your girlfriend sucks!
- Shut up!
Game over!
That's it
for the girls from Grimsrud.
But it will be exciting to follow
the team from Vletnam.
Screw this!
Hi.
Thanks.
You were good.
You played well.
No, I didn't!
A lot better than me.
Although that doesn't say much.
I am sick and tired of Norway Cup.
I don't know why I came.
Then... maybe you and I
could start a band?
- When we get back to Grimsrud.
- Right.
- And what would I play?
- You could sing.
- I can't sing!
- I'm sure you can.
What kind of music would we play?
I don't know, mayb like...
The White Stripes?
But I'd have to be
Miss White Stripe, -
- since I'm the drummer.
They probably deserved to win.
They were tiny,
but they were much better than us.
Ouch!
No, I'm fine.
- No.
- You look great.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Shopping with your girlfriend?
- Yeah, no... We're just friends.
Good luck.
There's no comparison.
You look beautiful in that.
Thank you.
- Am I interrupting?
- No.
What are you doing?
Any clients yet?
No.
But there's a tactic involved.
It's like fishing:
You toss out the line and wait for
a fish, while you grill hot dogs.
But if you could choose,
who would you choose?
The problem is, she's only interested
in football players.
Just talk to her.
She's out of my league.
Look at me!
And she's perfect.
A 10 out of 10.
Whereas me?
Hey.
Is something going on
between you and Petter's girlfriend?
No...
Don't mess with the team captain.
And don't mess with
his girlfriend, either.
If we lose him now,
we'll lose Norway Cup.
Brixton Town is playing Molde FK.
Who is this?
Brixton Town.
They beat us last year.
Brixton has won all its matcges.
No doubt...
- Damn, they play rough!
- I hope we never meet them again.
- Who is that?
- Roy Terring, the captain.
Yeah. He must have been born
out of the ass of a pit bull.
Grimrsud is in excellent form!
Beating Lyn 4-0 is no surprise, -
- but Grimsrud has totally dominated
the entire match.
Thomas! Fridtjov!
Come on!
Get your ass moving, Lucas!
Come on!
Come on!
Hurry up!
Lucas and Truls.
You can't put him in now!
- We're up 4-0.
- Look at him!
We're up 4-0 with 5 minutes to go.
We have to rest our players.
No one pass to the Swede, OK?
Come on, Lucas!
Go for the ball.
Game over!
Grimrsud is in the final.
Their opponent will be determined
later today.
But Grimsrud FK is one of the teams
in tomorrow's final!
OK, we're this far, this far,
from going all the way.
All we have to do now,
is conserve energy.
Excellent job.
Hit the showers.
Brixton Town is up 3-0.
They have totally
dominated Lillestrm.
If they score off of this corner,
they are in the final.
Shit!
Brixton is in the final
versus Grimsrud FK!
That's happening tomorrow.
Hope to see you all there!
Do you want more?
You want more?
You got it!
She smiled at me!
That girl smiled at me!
Can you believe we're in the final?
We've never been as good
as we are now.
Condoms.
I'm sure they'II give you one
if you ask.
If we're going to get any action,
we have to stop acting like babies.
What...
Look at them!
Isn't that a little ambitious?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Stian, you'II never get any
if you keep acting like that.
- Have you tried that one?
- We're going to now.
- Lucas?
- That one?
Actually, I feel kind of queasy.
No, don't worry.
Come on, they're leaving!
- What are you up to?
- Me? Nothing.
Give me a break.
- What?
- I see what's going on.
- Come on.
- What do you mean?
I mean what I mean.
Lucas, Petter, Petter, Lucas?
Yeah...
I think you should
do something about it.
Say something to Petter, or whatever.
Why does it have to be so hard?
It isn't really that hard, is it?
Petter, we need to talk.
Hey!
It's not your turn.
Sorry, I was just having a go. You
don't need to get all fussy about it.
Take a seat,
and I'll show you how it's done.
- It's not your turn!
- I was just having a go.
So he needs Barbie to help him!
I ain't going to tell you again.
If you get in my way, I'll knock
you on your fucking ass!
Come on, love,
you come with me, yeah?
- Come on!
- Stop!
You're the captain of your team,
right? It needs you.
Stop! Solve it on the field
like a proper player.
OK?
Never do that again, OK?
You're a real peace negotiator.
Middle East, UN and all that.
Peace brother!
What are you wearing?
Never seen a OnePiece before?
They're brilliant!
One zip, and you're naked.
I just have to pee.
Where do you think you're going?
You aren't supposed to be here.
Hey!
Come back here!
Where do you think you're going?
You horny little pervert.
Show yourself!
Hey!
Come here!
Where do you think you're going?
Come here!
- Did a boy just come in here?
- Just you.
A blond boy
didn't just come in here?
Has anyone just come in here?
No.
Did anyone just come in here?
Are you sure?
Good night, girls.
Sleep tight.
What are you doing here?
I don't know.
Come.
Susanne?
Everything's under control!
Look, no hands!
Look at all that beer!
Someone is staying here.
Put them back!
Take them.
It isn't dangerous!
Let's see if they're home.
Come on!
- Come on!
- Where are you going?
Don't be chicken.
Come on!
- Someone lives here!
- Stop it. They're asleep.
Feel it.
It's warm.
What are you doing?
- Come on. The water's warm.
- Are you crazy?
Someone lives here!
Don't you dare do anything?
- Come on.
- Let go!
- Come on!
- Don't do that. Let go!
No!
Shit!
Not now!
Why aren't you coming?
Hurry!
Hey, put down those towels!
Thanks.
Have you been on bike rides
with many girls?
No, I've never biked before.
With a girl, that is.
Like this.
But...
You know nothing can happen
between us, right?
OK.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
Shit!
I have to go.
Just don't...
Don't tell anyone about this, OK?
This wasn't supposed to happen.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Sit down.
Want me to get you anything?
Why do you look so tired, Lucas?
Keen for some crispbread?
Looks like you didn't sleep a wink
last night.
I'm not the only one
who didn't get much sleep.
I don't think your girlfriend
slept much, either.
What the hell are you talking about?
It's hard to sleep
when you aren't wearing any clothes.
Watch yourself!
- I'm tired of taking your crap.
- What are you doing?
I should have dumped you ages ago!
What the hell is your problem?
What?
My problem?
What about you?
Look at yourself.
Who will your boyfriend be tomorrow?
- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.
How about Thomas?
He's good looking.
The night before the final?
Petter's girlfriend? The night before?
- So you're on his side?
- That has nothing to do with it!
Shit!
It's easy for you to say.
You've never played!
You're only at Norway Cup
because you're the coach's son.
Do you really think you'll get laid
by dieting and offering massages?
You will never score at Norway Cup.
And you will never become
a football coach.
Shut your mouth,
pack your stuff, -
- and get back to Sweden before
you fuck up anything else for us.
Judas!
Time for the final in Group D.
Brixton Town versus Grimsrud FK.
Both teams have had
a fantastic cup.
When they met last year,
Grimrsud didn't stand a chance.
Brixton has traditionally
been the stronger team.
And their striker, Roy Terring,
shows his strength immediately!
Brixton Town is up 1-0.
What a goal!
The Grimsrud players
haven't gotten into the game yet.
Several players are calling
for offisde, but the ref disagrees.
Brixton likes to play on the edge,
and that doesn't always pay off.
- Penalty!
- No doubt about that call.
What's Barbie gonna do for you now?
You're joking!
Grimsrud's captain takes charge.
His name is Petter Stbakk.
Judging by his performance so far, -
- don't be surprised to see him
as a professional some day.
No Petter Stbakk missed!
Unfortunately for Grimsrud.
We'll take a 15-minute
half-time break.
Brixton Town is in the lead, 1-0.
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, Lucas. How are things?
Fine.
- Are you a football player?
- No.
How are you? You sound sad.
Want me to come get you?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- I can come right now.
Mom, it's OK.
Here comes the carpenter.
I'll see you in a few days.
Looking forward to it.
Bye!
What is it with you?
You look like a pack of used condoms.
Dad?
We're in the final.
Don't yell at them.
Go sit down, Stian.
- You don't have to yell at them now.
- Sit down!
Now I've lost my voice.
Because of you.
If you don't
pull yourselves together, -
- I'll see to it personally
that you walk home to Grimsrud.
OK, guys. We're down by one goal,
but we can do this!
Shut up!
We don't care what you have to say.
Go help him.
Show that you're here for a reason.
- What?
- Help Stian.
Petter, yes,
you screwed up the penalty kick.
But you have the best right leg
in the tournament.
- Get lost, fatso.
- What about your feint?
No one on that team stands a chance
against your feint!
Stian, shut up!
The second half will begin
in two minutes.
What the hell are you doing here?
I don't understand you guys.
For years, Stian has done
everything he can to make you better.
Brought you water,
cleaned up after you.
And all you have done,
is act like asses.
Go out there and play like a team,
and you can right your wrongs.
Let's go!
We're the Grimsrud boys
We rule the field
With hearts full of power
And legs made of steel
We feint and dribble...
And sing our song...
Here come the Grimsrud boys!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
Grimsrud rules!
Bet your ass!
We may not win out there,
but I know you'll give it your all!
We're waiting for you, boys.
OK, guys.
Ready to go to war?
Let's go to war!
We are ready for the second haif.
Brixton Town is ahead 1-0.
Where is Petter?
Where is Petter?!
Lucas, find Petter. Come on!
Hey, I need three minutes.
Get lost.
Why aren't you out there
with the others?
Just get lost, OK?
But... why?
I missed that penalty kick.
That pro scout
won't be interested in me now.
Can't you go out there
and play for the team?
They don't stand a chance without
you.
You're the best player.
Your team needs you now
more than ever.
And I'm sorry about Susanne.
I don't care about Susanne.
She isn't even here.
What?
She took the bus.
Captain Petter Stbakk
is back on the field!
Grimsrud is playing
with a completely different attitude.
They must have received
quite a pep talk!
Stbakk has the ball
and goes on the attack.
Stbakk shoots...
And Stbakk scores for Grimsrud!
Can you believe it?
The second half has just started.
Great play, Stbakk and Grimsrud!
After Grimsrud's equalizer
this game is again wide open.
Hi.
You're allowed to screw up.
Anyone can be wrong.
That doesn't mean you can't
be forgiven, or apologize.
Wait.
What should I do?
You should talk to her.
Go after her!
Hey!
The Grimsrud players seem tired
now.
The fans are calling for a free kick,
but the ref lets it pass.
He's allowing play to continue.
Come on!
Come on!
- I dig you!
- You too!
Susanne!
Wait!
We have to talk!
Free kick for Brixton.
Dangerously near Grimsrud's goal.
They choose to play
around the wall...
And it's 2-1 to Brixton!
Stop the bus!
Shit!
And the Group D final is over!
Congratulations Brixton Town!
Better luck next year, Grimsrud.
Good job, Petter.
Petter, do you have time for a talk?
I missed that penalty.
Anyone can miss a penalty.
Tough game.
Loser!
You did a great coaching job.
Thank you.
- We'II get them next time.
- Sure.
- You and me.
- We'II get them next time.
- Hi there.
- You still give massages?
- Not anymore.
- Not even for me?
For you?
Of course!
Do you even know
how to give a massage?
No, not really...
- I can show you.
- Yeah?
- Hi.
- Hi.
Listen, I'm sorry.
It's OK.
We're starting a band together, right?
Of course.
What should we call it?
Happy Ending.