Animals (2021) Movie Script
0
Hey you, over there!
Get out of there!
INSPIRED BY REAL EVENTS
I am such a comedian.
Have you ever done Judo?
- No, Taekwondo.
What's that?
It's a bit like Judo, only it's Korean.
It's a great sport.
- Do you still do it?
No.
Were you any good at it?
- Yes, not bad.
Could you do the splits?
Were you able to do that or not?
Or the half-splits?
I was flexible.
- Yeah, my dad told me you were.
Taekwondo,
does it give superpowers or not?
No, why?
Because...
I have one.
Really?
What's your superpower?
I can disappear!
You couldn't see me anymore.
No, that's not true.
- Don't trust me?
Do you think I'm lying?
Show me.
- You want me to prove it?
OK.
One,
two...
Yassine, where are you?
Yassine, I can't see you.
Where are you?
I can't see you.
How do you do that?
It's a secret.
You can tell me.
- No, I can't.
Yes, you can.
I won't tell anyone, Yassine.
Yassine, answer me.
You're scaring me.
Yassine?
Yassine, answer me!
There you are!
Got you!
Yassine?
Salam, Saliha.
No, I want to stay!
I said you can't stay here.
Come with me.
It's fine. Take it easy.
- Let go of him.
No!
Yassine!
Come here!
Where do you want this sack of sugar?
- Not in the kitchen, please.
In the pot, then?
No!
Where have you been?
You've been here for half an hour
and now you come and see me!
Hey, have you seen the crowd?
Isn't your friend here?
- Not yet.
Give it a rest!
I smell greasy.
- No, you smell real good, Mom.
I thought you were with the others.
Happy birthday, Mom!
- Oh, yes!
Didn't you go to prayer?
No, I arrived too late.
How are you?
- Hello.
I forgot to say hi.
How are you?
- I'm OK.
He's here to eat!
- I've not seen you for ages.
Leave him, he's not fat.
- So handsome!
I wish he'd find someone
to take care of him.
Are you still single?
A handsome boy like you!
Yes, he's 30.
I've given up hope.
Right, what can I do?
Get married!
OK!
I'm kidding!
Go check on your grandmothers.
I'm afraid we've forgotten about them.
Take all that with you.
OK, I'm off.
- Thanks, you're a love.
Right, it's time to grate the carrots.
You've finished that, perfect!
And don't drink too much!
Salam aleykum.
- Hello, Brahim.
Who are the cakes for?
For you?
IT'S COMPLICATED HERE. TOO MANY PEOPLE.
WE MUSTN'T SCREW THINGS UP.
Yes, OK.
OK, I'll call you back.
Are you OK?
I need your help to empty the van.
Isn't Stphane here?
- I'm sick of working my ass off
for no fucking thanks whatsoever.
Salam.
How are you?
Mehdi!
I've had a hell of a day
with these kids.
Come down,
I need your help with the van.
Hello, Mounia. How are you?
- I'm fine! I'm fine!
I just wanna sit down, smoke a cig
and tell everyone to fuck off.
It'll be OK.
I can't.
It's Mom's birthday.
What's going on?
The same as usual.
I don't even want to talk about it.
Be warned, it's a mess.
I didn't have time to do a proper job.
Did they lend you all this for free?
With all the overtime I put in,
they had no choice.
Do we have to take all this out?
- You tell me...
Damn, we're screwed.
Hi Nabil, can you give me a hand?
- We're all yours!
OK. So, any glasses,
cutlery, plates, trays, etc,
lob them on the dining table.
We'll lay the buffet out there.
The rest: bar tables, tablecloths, etc,
in the conservatory, OK?
OK.
OK.
This is for the rest of the buffet
if there isn't enough room.
We'll see about that later, OK?
- OK.
Don't be wise guys.
You break it, you pay for it.
I'm being serious.
You break it, you pay for it.
Sorry.
Not on the table, I told you!
- No, you didn't.
Mehdi!
- Leave it.
Mehdi!
What's Saliha's problem?
- Forget it. It's nothing.
Come on, spit it out.
- Brahim, we'll talk about it later, OK?
She knows.
She saw you downtown.
She saw what? What did she say?
- Just drop it.
Tell me, please.
- Don't worry, she won't say a word.
What does she know?
- Don't worry, grab a table.
Brahim, take the table, please.
She won't say anything, OK?
Brahim!
Brahim, are you OK?
Brahim?
- Hold on.
Hey, Brahim?
- I'm OK.
Shall we put a couple in the garden?
- Mom, please. Check with Mounia.
It'd be much nicer.
Everyone's squashed in the living room.
Go on...
Yes?
Come on,
let's have a little more air.
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
It's me.
Where are you?
I don't see you here.
Will you be here soon?
Brahim!
Fucking hell.
Come upstairs, son.
Come on.
Salam, Dad.
You didn't come to prayer.
I know, I was late.
I didn't want to disturb you.
Sit down.
Your finger?
- No, it's nothing.
It'll be fine.
Here.
Thanks.
I've written a few words
for your mom tonight.
And I thought that you,
with your sensitivity and wit...
I'd like to know what you think.
My pleasure, Dad.
Tell me if you have any comments.
- Yeah, OK.
Bismillah...
"I'm sorry."
"I'd promised not to betray you
by leaving my country."
"To stay the way
you educated and shaped me."
"But circumstances beyond my control,"
"drove me to betrayal."
"She's Belgian with blue green eyes."
"It only took me a moment
to know that she was the one."
"A moment to cross
the immigration border."
"A moment to see you there
in that waiting room."
"You, my love."
Carry on, please.
"Today is your birthday"
"and our differences
go against the fanatics of..."
Sorry, Dad.
"In the name of my mother
and my country,"
"in the name of my father and my people,"
"I say to you, my love..."
"My love, I'm proud to be with you
and I feel free,"
"Amazigh, but beyond any race,"
"identified only by the religion of love
through this sky."
Do you have to take it?
No.
That's the end.
It's beautiful, Dad.
You can't put a price
on a gift like that.
Any comments?
No, not at all.
It's very well written,
it's beautiful, it's...
Honestly, well done. It's like
you've been doing it all your life.
Go on, pick up.
Are you staying here?
- I still have a few things to sort.
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
Thomas, it's me.
I'm in front of the bus stop.
I can't see you. Where are you?
You tell me you're on the bus
and almost here and then silence.
I don't get it.
Sorry, I was with my dad.
I couldn't pick up.
Call me back, please.
Put my mind at rest.
It's over, Brahim!
What?
- It's over.
We've finished emptying the van.
And how did you do it?
Mounia's tables fell on me.
Grab a clean napkin from the drawer
for your hands.
Auntie, can we have your chair?
- Yes, of course.
Give me your hand.
Haven't you got anything else to do?
- It's my pleasure.
Oh, it hurts!
Go on, press down a little
so that it all soaks in.
One second...
Does it hurt?
- It's just a small scratch.
Can I see?
- That's not necessary.
Go on, scram!
- No!
The kitchen is no place for playing.
Is your friend still not here?
- Not yet.
What's his name?
- Thomas.
Where do you know him from?
- Work.
So, he's a colleague?
He's more of a friend.
Excuse me.
What is it, Mom?
It's just a bit odd, that's all.
What is?
Your colleague coming here
on my birthday.
Does it bother you, Mom?
Mom?
Does it bother you?
Mom, does it bother you?
- There you go, almost done.
Do you have disinfectant at home?
It's OK, I'll use soap.
Are you OK?
Real good.
Will you put this away?
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
Thomas, I call you
and you hang up on me!
What's going on?
Are you fucking kidding me!
Salam aleykum, Brahim.
- Salam, Fatima. How are you?
So, they started the music.
- Yes.
I was on the dance floor and I saw her.
It was a flamenco.
A flamenco!
- People were shouting: "Ol!"
I came face to face with her.
She was bright red.
The bride had just had a skin peel.
Imagine! She'd had Botox
and her lips were all swollen.
The shame! I just couldn't cope.
So, I carried on serving.
Her father said:
"Isn't she beautiful?"
I slipped out right away and
there was a smell, a bit like drains.
I ended up with the son of Khadija,
your pal that scared me when I was a kid.
Fuck.
Brahim! Are you coming to eat?
- I'm waiting for it to calm down.
Don't delay
or you won't have much choice.
Don't worry, Mom.
- Come on!
I'll eat something, I promise.
I'm OK, thanks.
I've already eaten.
What's the problem with Mehdi?
I don't know.
Is it Saliha?
Yeah, we know that Saliha has
a huge problem.
But seriously, what's gone on with him?
Why?
- He keeps staring at you.
Have you done something to him?
I haven't done anything to him.
Never touch my boyfriend again.
Never again!
- Or else?
Never again, do you get it?
- Who the hell do you think you are?
We wouldn't have said a fucking word.
He'd just be here, that's all.
Are you fucking crazy?
Wake up, Brahim.
You'll never be able to bring him here
and everyone be OK with it.
Never, do you get it?
So what do I do, then?
It's been five years, Mehdi.
We've been together for five years.
- Great!
Be happy.
But respect us, too.
Respect other people, dammit.
Live your life and respect us.
How do I do that?
Tell me
how I'm supposed to do that, Mehdi.
If you're so smart,
tell me and I'll do it.
OK, go on then. Up you go!
Go up there and tell them.
Then, you'll have nobody, buddy.
I already have nobody.
And me?
When I have to explain to my wife
that my brother is a...
"But it doesn't matter."
"He's a nice guy, it's not his fault."
And because I defend you,
she thinks that I'm just like you.
Do you get it?
Fucking bitch!
- Hey!
She's not the only one
whom I've defended you to.
Really?
Tell me who else.
Who else, Mehdi?
I'm not doing this here.
- Tell me.
I'm not doing this here.
Ever.
Think carefully
about what you plan to do.
Think about it, Brahim.
Come on, Brahim, please.
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you...
"Sorry.
"I can't keep my promise.
"I'd promised not to betray you
by leaving my country.
"To stay...
"the way you educated
and shaped me.
"But circumstances beyond my control,
"drove me to betrayal."
"Yes, she's Belgian"
"with blue green eyes."
"It only took me a moment
to know that she was the one."
"Is it my fault?"
"A moment to cross
the immigration border."
"A moment to see you."
"You, my love, my friend."
"A beautiful forty year story."
"Today is your birthday"
"and our differences go against
the fanatics of identity."
"In the name of my mother
and my country,"
"in the name of my father
and my people..."
Hi.
- Hi.
Have you seen Thomas?
Thomas? Have you seen him?
- No.
Hey!
Hey!
How's it going?
- Have you seen Thomas?
Yeah, he dropped by.
He told me what your brother did
to him at your folks' place earlier.
Come on, I'll fix you a drink.
How did he look?
- What?
How did he look?
Nothing too bad, don't worry.
A few marks on his neck.
ANSWER ME, PLEASE.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.
What's going on, Brahim?
- Nothing, Mom.
We'll talk again tomorrow, OK?
I'm worried about you.
- Don't worry. We'll speak tomorrow.
I have to go
because my battery is dead.
Go back to sleep, OK?
Mom?
Mom?
- Leave me alone!
Show us.
I'm not hurting you.
Yes, you are.
- I'm not. Come for a ride.
Come on guys,
that's never gonna work.
Relax, dude. We're talking.
- Like hell we are!
What do you take me for?
- Let go of her.
Let go!
- Let her go, she's not worth it.
Go on, fuck off.
- Get outta here.
Skank! You're not even worth a wank.
- Asshole!
Go fuck yourself, bitch!
What a fucking skank.
I've seen you somewhere before.
- No, I've never seen you.
Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Do you know this guy?
- No.
So, is there any pussy in there?
Yes, plenty. But you've no chance.
- Why?
Well, it's a gay bar.
- A bar for queers?
Fucking hell.
So, all these guys are queer?
What are you looking at?
- He's got the hots for you, bro.
What don't you get?
Hey guys, you know what?
I know a bar with girls.
Sure you do.
- Just pussy.
You want to find pussy, don't you?
- Yeah!
Let's go.
I've seen you before.
For sure.
Do you smoke weed?
No, I don't smoke.
- Go on.
Cosy back there, guys?
- Shut up!
There's plenty room in the back.
- Yeah!
What were you doing there, loser?
Killing time like you guys.
- We're not. We're hanging out.
And it's his birthday today.
- Really?
Well, happy birthday.
- Don't touch me.
You were born on the same day as my mom.
- So, what were you doing there?
Nothing, just going out.
- All alone?
Sure you were!
Aren't you married?
- No.
It's written all over his face.
Have you got any kids?
- No. How about you?
You're sitting on my son's seat.
All of us have kids.
No, I don't have kids, guys.
- Shut your fucking mouth.
Just fucking zip it.
How old are you?
- 22. How about you?
I'm 30.
- Fuck me, you're getting old, bro.
Get your ass into gear!
I know,
it's all I've heard all evening.
So, you weren't by yourself?
I was at my folks' place earlier.
- Ah, your folks' place!
What where you doing by that bar?
- Nothing, I know it well.
What is that place?
Nothing special, it's just cool.
- What's so cool about it?
Are your buddies cool?
You're confusing us.
- What?
What do you mean, "what"?
You're confusing us.
Are you a faggot or not?
You can be honest with us.
We're just driving around
smoking a spliff on my birthday.
Are you a fag?
- What does it change?
Just tell us, that's all.
It's just us.
It's party time.
Tell me, are you bent or not?
- It doesn't change anything.
Bro...
We saw you earlier
sticking up for your bum chum.
Admit that you're a fudge packer.
Tell him.
- Why are you insisting?
I like honesty.
- We saw you!
I like genuine folk.
- Honesty is the basis of everything.
Are you a fag or not?
- Own up.
Go on, dude, own up.
- Yeah, you're right. I'm gay.
I told you he was a faggot!
You picked up a fag in your car!
There's a fag in your car, dude.
You wanted to sell it.
You can forget that!
And he's sat in your kid's seat, Chris!
You're screwed.
You'll have to torch the lot.
I'll torch your face off, numbskull.
"Numbskull!"
You sound like an old fogey!
"Torch your face off!"
You really are a faggot!
You could have faked it.
We wouldn't have noticed.
Have you ever had a dick in your mouth?
- Sure he has!
You've taken
an actual dude's dick in your mouth?
That's gross, bro.
- Scared of getting a boner?
It's not that, it's just gross.
Do you want to blow my buddy, Milos?
A nice little Muslim boy.
- Shut the fuck up.
Aren't you Muslim?
Don't use "Muslim" and "fag"
in the same sentence, get it?
So, are you up for it or not?
- No, sorry.
Why not?
Look at his cute little goatee.
I have a boyfriend.
Ah, he has a boyfriend!
- And do you take him up the ass?
Then you can't walk anymore.
Then, there's your shit.
And you blow him,
he blows you back.
Gross!
You blow each other like hoes.
Better than hoes.
- Sonofabitch!
Please, no!
Sorry, guys.
I'll get out here.
You're going nowhere!
- I was talking crap.
Shut your face!
Shut it!
He said that he sucks cock
better than your missus.
You suck cock better than
my missus, bitch?
Is that what you said, bitch?
Hey, I'm fucking talking to you.
Is that what you said?
- No, I didn't.
Now he's calling you a liar.
You're calling me a liar
in front of all my buddies.
You're saying I'm a liar
and that my missus can't give head!
Tonight, you'll be begging me
to lick a pussy, cocksucker.
I'll cure you, motherfucker.
I'll make your shitty little balls
grow back, cock-sucking bastard.
I'll teach you what pain is,
you filthy fucking beast.
Show me how you suck cock
better than my missus.
No, no!
- Show me how you suck cock!
Come on, show us.
Wrap your cock pocket around that.
That's it,
get your lips around that, cunt.
Suck nice and hard.
Suck that cock, bitch.
All the way in,
to the back of your throat, that's it.
A real tasty bell end,
you cock-sucking cunt.
What are you doing?
- Shut the fuck up!
Can't I have fun on my birthday?
Go on, suck hard.
Use your tongue.
Show us what you do in your fag bar
where you were earlier, filthy bitch.
- Go on, thrust it in.
Cock-sucking bastard.
You've gone too far.
- Shut the fuck up!
That's over the top.
- That's right.
Go on, cocksucker.
You're drooling.
You love it, motherfucker.
Geoff, I have to change gear.
Go on, fuck off.
What's up?
- Have you got a tissue for this drool?
I'm going.
- You're going nowhere.
Don't fucking move.
It's my birthday, don't move.
Happy birthday.
Congrats.
Now give me my keys back.
- No.
Give me my keys!
- No.
I wanna go.
- Go on, get out!
Give me my keys!
- No.
Have you lost it?
- Wanna hook up with him?
Shut it and quit dicking around.
- Give me my keys. You've lost it.
I don't want this.
- It's fun.
I'm just out of the clink.
Keys!
You'll end up back in there.
- Because of you?
Come on, give me my keys back!
- No, I won't.
I'll punch your lights out.
- Really? Go for it!
I'm never giving you your keys back.
- Give me them!
Give me my keys.
Give me my fucking keys!
No, I won't.
- Fucking keys, now!
Give me my fucking keys!
- No.
Give them to me!
- Don't have a heart attack.
Give me my fucking keys!
- No, I won't.
I ate them. I gave them to a hobo
so he has a bed for the night.
Go fuck yourself for the keys.
Or I could drop you off on the hill
so you can have a little gang bang.
Shut the fuck up!
An ass bandit gang bang.
- Shut it!
A little respect, please.
- Are you happy now?
You're shitting your pants.
- Happy now?
Shitting your pants like a pussy.
Get it on real good together.
- This is your fault!
I'm caught up
in this shit because of you.
Give me my fucking keys!
- No.
You're getting on my tits, Geoff.
- I won't give you them.
Have a swig of vodka and shut up.
- Happy now?
Look at me!
Look at me when I'm speaking to you!
Look at him.
Show him some respect.
He said look at him.
- Happy now?
Come on, Loc.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Milos.
Are you happy?
- Yeah.
Yeah?
Is that all? Just happy?
Yes, I'm happy that you're here too.
Have you no shame?
Get lost!
I said get lost.
Come on!
- Shit.
Motherfucker.
I'll strip the motherfucker.
Pull down his pants.
- I'm real sorry.
Pull his fucking pants off, go on.
- I can't.
For fuck's sake.
- I can't.
Shut up or I'll kick your ass.
Pull the fuckers down.
Just like that, little fag boy.
Pull down his fucking pants, Milos.
Pop the trunk, Loc.
The trunk!
- OK, I got it.
No, no, please!
Little bitch.
How do you think I had kids?
Did I shit them out?
It's everywhere!
- Spruce up your car!
Hey, it was my turn
for a shot, asshole!
What's up with you, Hitler?
Go straight on and turn right.
He can't even tell
his left from his right!
What are you talking about?
I'll give you a right hook, bro.
Which is your right?
- This one.
He knows his left from his right!
You laugh like a fucking hyena
from The Lion King.
Pass me your booze.
It makes me want to give you
a bone to gnaw on.
Fucking jerk.
- Your mom can gnaw on my bone!
What the fuck?
Get outta here.
Go left!
- Milos, go left.
Go left!
- We didn't say go right!
He doesn't know his left from his right!
- Look at the road.
Two fags are playing hide-and-seek.
One says to the other:
"If you find me, you fuck me.
"If you don't find me, you don't."
- Seems fair.
"If you don't find me,
I'm hiding in the garage!"
We've got things to do.
Don't move.
We trust you.
Don't move a fucking muscle.
It's fucking freezing.
It's scandalous.
Hey, little bitch.
- No!
What didn't you understand?
What did you not understand?
- Get the fuck out of there!
No, no, no!
Move your ass!
- Fucking hell.
There we go.
- Look at that skinny ass loser.
Hurts, doesn't it?
Fucking beast!
Come here.
Grab him.
Sonofabitch.
Come on!
Get up, look at me.
Pretend you're a horse.
Make horse noises.
Make horse noises, cocksucker.
Look!
Smile. Say hello.
Say goodbye to your buddies.
You pathetic fucking pussy.
Giddy up, little horsey!
Let's go, shoot in the air!
Go on, move closer.
- Move your ass closer!
Move your ass, go on!
Watch carefully, cocksucker.
Pretend you're a goat.
Make goat noises.
We told you
to pretend you're a goat.
Do it, bitch!
Go on.
Pretend you're a goat.
Or a horse.
Pretend you're a horse.
We said pretend to be a goat,
you filthy bitch.
He's drooling on me, cocksucker!
You're drooling on me, you cunt.
Fucking hell.
Filthy slut!
- Drooling on me!
Smile for the camera!
- Make him eat mud.
You're going to be on TV,
little bitch.
Make him eat mud.
- He needs vitamins!
Go on, eat it!
What vitamins, bro?
- Mud is full of vitamins!
Graze on the grass,
fucking horsey!
People can see you eating!
Eat it!
Eat this motherfucking grass,
cock-sucking scumbag!
Geoff, look!
Hey, Geoff!
Let me take your photo.
Show me his face.
Look at my buddy.
- Come on, look at me.
Fun, isn't it?
Isn't this fun?
- We said smile.
Tell him we're having fun.
- Tell him.
Are we having fun?
We can't hear. Eat the grass.
- Move closer.
Move closer.
Grab him.
His fucking ear!
Go on.
It pinches.
Lost his voice, has he?
Submissive little bitch!
- You're on my phone, cunt.
Go on, take a little photo.
- Smile.
Give us a smile!
Smile!
Look at me, smile.
I'll have it framed.
- Give us a smile.
Get next to Milos, Loc.
- Look.
Go on, I'll take one.
He's a lizard, dude.
Look, that's gross.
- Smile for the camera!
Where the hell is he going?
- Home!
Go on, run, run!
- Loc, smile!
Go on, Geoff, join him.
Let's see you race.
Come on, it's a competition.
Go, go, go!
You're going to win, buddy.
You're looking good.
You're gonna win!
Go for it!
Give us a smile.
The Usain Bolt of crawling!
Keep your eye on the prize!
- Nearly got it...
Oh no!
Oh boy, he won!
- He won!
Champion, champion...
He's the champion...
Smile, you won!
- Smile!
Go on, smile!
- A little smile.
Say "cheese."
Go on, smile.
Look, that's gross.
- Is that good?
Like sliding it through butter!
- Oh fuck!
Do you want to know what
a whore's ass smells like?
Fuck off, that's gross!
- Here, smell it.
That's gross.
- Watch this!
Smell it, Milos!
- You really are animals.
You really are animals.
What's he doing?
Fucking hell!
He flattened you!
- What the fuck are you doing?
Go on, hit him!
Go on, kick his ass, dude.
He's well and truly
kicked his ass!
Look, dude.
- Has he fallen asleep or what?
He's fallen asleep.
- How you doing, buddy?
He's fallen asleep.
- Look at that.
Your right hook
has knocked him out cold.
Yeah, go on, go on!
- Look at that!
Put it back and start again.
Go on, bash him.
Fucking hell, guys.
He's lost his voice.
Bash him.
Hold on, my turn!
- It must hurt.
A game of basketball, me thinks.
Michael Jordan in the house!
- In the basket!
Go on.
Get a good aim.
Hold on,
I'm going for a slam-dunk.
I'm gonna get a slam-dunk.
Hold on, I'll try again.
- Fucking hell.
Hey, honey bunny.
Look at me.
I'm going to give you
one last chance.
Do you want one last chance?
We'll give you two minutes
to get out of here.
Go on, get up.
- Fuck off.
Get up and fuck off.
- Take your chance.
Go on!
- He doesn't have the balls.
Go on!
- Get the fuck up.
That's it.
Run!
Go for it.
Run! Run!
Skinny ass loser.
Run like the wind!
Here, kitty.
- Run!
Go on.
- Kitty, kitty.
Go on, take your chance.
That's it.
He caught him!
Milos, the hunter, guys.
One, two, three, four.
March soldiers!
One, two, three, four...
Today is my birthday.
What a fucking great catch
I am, ladies.
I'm no faggot.
I'm here with my buddies
having a real chilled evening.
We're having a drink,
smoking a cig, a little spliff.
We're letting off steam.
There's a lot of love here.
I love you.
It's your turn to love me back.
Fuck, I hope
I don't find a used rubber.
You can't tell
if it's been up a fag's ass.
You can!
A souvenir full of jizz.
3 euros 80!
- That's for his kebab!
Fuck!
- That's for the taxi!
For dropping him off!
Fucking cocksucker!
Notes, notes, notes...
Jack shit, dude.
He's fucking blown it all.
- Show me his ugly mug.
He's pissed all his money away!
Show me!
Fucking hell!
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
- See this?
You're being a prick.
- Stick it up your ass!
You're fucking nuts.
Give it to me, selfish prick.
What the fuck?
It's my birthday. Give it to me.
It's my phone.
I found it.
I've promised it to the missus.
You've just found it.
When did you promise it to her?
I promised to buy her a phone,
now I got a free one for her.
She's not your boss.
Give it to me, it's my birthday.
It's everybody's birthday
this year, bro!
Show it to me quickly.
- No.
Just a quick look!
I just wanna see it.
- OK, I'll show you.
Here.
Give it to me, motherfucker.
For fuck's sake.
Such a gay phone case!
- 3 seconds to grab it.
One, two, three!
You're a prick.
- Screw you, pussy!
Don't touch it, OK?
I'll charge it up.
Keep your hands off it, bro.
- Fucking hell.
Tight-assed prick!
It's my birthday present.
Go fuck yourself!
I got you a birthday present.
I got you a gift.
He's lying on the ground.
Grab him and take him home.
- That cocksucker is too heavy.
Give it me, selfish prick.
Just give him one up the ass
and leave me alone, bro.
You're a prick.
- Haven't you had your gift?
You've had your gift
and this is mine.
I didn't come here for nothing.
There, it's charging.
Don't touch it, Geoff.
You're a real pain in the ass.
I've told you before.
You really are
such a selfish prick.
You are.
- What the fuck are you doing?
I'm texting the missus.
What are you? The police?
Don't forget I introduced you
to that bitch, motherfucker.
Like you could've pulled her
with your ugly mug!
How's it going, ladies?
- Turn the light down.
Turn it down.
- We can't see a thing.
That cunt found a phone.
- Turn it down.
No, don't be such pricks.
- Turn it off.
That asshole found a phone
and he won't let me have it.
Where did he find a phone?
In our little cocksucker buddy's
pants or jacket.
Milos?
Did you find a phone?
Yeah!
He won't hand it over,
the fucker.
It's his birthday.
- I'll stick it up his ass.
You fucking jerk.
- Finders keepers.
It's a gift.
There's fuck all booze left.
- It's for my missus.
That's the way it is.
It's mine.
Hold on...
Look at that.
Listen!
- What?
Oh fuck!
- What?
What's he saying?
What's that bullshit?
- Here.
Hey, Milos!
He's speaking your language.
Get back.
He's gonna explode.
What's he saying?
- What?
Hey, don't do that.
What's he saying?
- Don't say that.
He's praying.
Shut the fuck up.
Don't do that.
I said shut the fuck up.
Hey, faggots go to hell.
And I guess
alkies like you go to heaven?
Zip it!
Shut your fucking face.
Hey, you've no right
to say a word.
Shut your fucking mouth!
Shut the fuck up!
One sand nigger killing
another sand nigger...
That's one small step for man,
one giant leap for mankind.
Fuck, check that out.
- What?
Wow!
What the fuck is he doing?
He's on fire.
Where the fuck has
that come from?
Fuck me.
- He's the man!
Go on, Loc.
You've barely touched him.
You're the man, Loc!
Our baby Smurf is all grown up!
Hey dude!
Look at me.
Our baby Smurf is all grown up!
- You're so fired up!
My buddy!
- He's got balls!
He's the man!
He's all grown up now.
Handsome devil!
Look at me.
I'm on fucking fire.
- Awesome!
I'm on fire.
- He's got balls.
He's one of us now.
- On fire!
You're one of us now.
Oh boy!
I'm on fucking fire, guys.
I'm on fire!
I'm on fire!
Awesome, buddy.
Hello?
Yeah, it's Geoff.
How's it going?
Sorry for waking you so early.
I've been partying all night.
I can't really come to work.
I've got a mother of a hangover.
You can cover for me.
Yeah, you'll get double time for it.
You can thank me later!
Yeah.
I know, I'll totally return the favor.
Yeah.
So, can I count on you?
Don't land me in any shit.
Cheers, dude.
- Sure.
Cool.
OK, bye.
A moment to cross the immigration...
OK guys, we're there.
Come on, give me my keys now.
Fuck, your keys!
I've lost them, bro.
Don't dick around,
give me my keys.
Mine first.
- You first.
No, you.
- You.
No, I don't trust you.
- I don't trust you.
Shut it.
You can't have them.
Give me them.
- I don't trust you.
On the count of three,
throw each other the keys, guys.
I'll get them.
- I'm going, guys.
You've put them in your fucking undies,
shower dodger!
Give me my keys.
- On the count of three.
Go on.
One, two...
Sonofabitch.
Hey Milos, give me my keys.
- Do you want them?
Go fetch them, bitch!
Sonofabitch.
- Give your mom one for me.
Give your dad one from me.
- Bye bye.
Lo? Lo?
Come here.
Yeah?
What's up?
Where are you off to?
- Where do you think?
What the fuck have you done
to your hand?
It's nothing.
I got into a fight.
Are you kidding?
Well, it wasn't my fault.
Did you at least win?
- Course I did.
Right, I'm out of here.
It's only in three hours.
I promised to help out a bit before.
Aren't you coming with me?
Aren't you coming?
Fuck off before I kick your ass
and shut the door behind you.
A little fucking respect, please.
Get the fuck out of here.
What do you think you're doing?
- I'm going to see Dad.
You're just taking off?
- I told Morgane.
Screw Morgane.
I'm the one you should tell.
I've nothing to tell you.
- What do you mean?
Does Mom know?
- She's OK with it.
Yeah, as usual.
She agrees to anything you say.
Give it a rest.
- I'm telling you not to go.
Look at me, you're not going.
Oh yes I am!
You're not my dad.
Listen carefully. I'm not your dad?
I'm the one who looks after you.
I look after Mom, pay the rent and
buy the meds and clothes on your back.
Do you get it?
If you go, I'll shit in your clothes
and wipe my ass with them.
Now fuck off out of here.
I don't want to set eyes on you again.
What's up?
Get the fuck out of here!
You're dead to me.
Fuck off, you little shit.
Fuck right off.
I'll smash your face in.
Mouthy bastard!
Are you OK?
- I'm here to help out.
I know, your dad told me.
Come with me.
Isn't my dad here?
He's on his way.
I hope we'll be ready.
Karim!
There's someone here to help us.
Hello. Can you grab that table there?
- Sure.
Leave some room here,
we need to squeeze things in.
Get a move on!
Sorry.
You're taking one chair at a time.
I told you to take...
How's it going?
You went to St. Louis, right?
- Yeah.
I was two grades above you.
Possibly.
I don't remember much anymore.
I get it. That place was hell.
- Yeah, it sure was.
Who's getting married?
- My dad.
Ah cool! Are you happy?
- I couldn't care less.
It's his life.
He can do what he wants.
Well, you look smart
for someone who couldn't care less.
Yeah, I don't normally dress like this.
Do you think I usually dress like this!
- I hope not, for your own sake.
The hall looks awesome like that.
Yeah, it's not bad.
It's great, I like it.
- Totally!
It's cool.
- Yeah, it's cool.
See you later?
- Yeah, maybe.
Yeah?
- I think I'd like that.
Cool. See you later.
- See you.
They're overworked.
You could help out in the kitchen.
What did you say?
They need a hand in the kitchen, OK?
There's not enough champagne
to go round.
So, if people ask for a top-up,
what do you do?
Nothing.
Say you'll be right back but dodge them.
And be careful with the crockery, OK?
We've not served food yet
and all the flutes are broken.
Yes, I'm talking to you.
There are no "buts."
Not disturbing you am I, Melissa?
Amused?
Sorry.
So, you know the rule.
If you break it, you pay for it.
Is that clear for everyone?
- Yes.
Then smile, it's a wedding, OK?
So, look professional.
We're here to make people happy, OK?
Each take a bottle and only serve
people who haven't had a drink.
See you later.
Thanks. It's great you're helping out.
- It's cool.
Loc!
Loc, come here!
Everyone's glass is empty.
What the fuck?
Pour me one!
Now!
Loc, come here.
Let's take a photo.
Kevin!
Come take a family photo for us here.
Good evening, everyone.
Thanks to you all.
Sorry, guys,
I'm stealing your thunder,
but this is one of
the happiest moments of my life.
Thierry, Michel, I think you know
that I played a part in fixing you up.
Just remember
the famous Mariachi evening!
Oh, no!
No, we'll simply remember that,
ever since then,
you've become
two inseparable tanned Mexicans.
I really must pay tribute to Loc.
A young man who has always been part
of his father's happiness.
And when I saw him
in his beautiful suit,
he reminded me of a swallow
welcoming the first signs of spring.
Ah, beautiful, isn't it!
I'm going to stick
with the bird theme,
with our two friends,
our two beautiful turtledoves.
Thank you, kind sir!
Thanks to you,
everything is fine.
We're winning
all our home football matches,
there are trout in the river.
Just one little snag, I may ask Michel
to send you for table tennis lessons.
He hasn't beaten me yet!
And one of Thierry's problems is
the barbecue: nothing but pork.
For heaven's sake,
let's have some shellfish!
And so...
IN THE MEMORY OF IHSANE JARFI
ANIMALS
Hey you, over there!
Get out of there!
INSPIRED BY REAL EVENTS
I am such a comedian.
Have you ever done Judo?
- No, Taekwondo.
What's that?
It's a bit like Judo, only it's Korean.
It's a great sport.
- Do you still do it?
No.
Were you any good at it?
- Yes, not bad.
Could you do the splits?
Were you able to do that or not?
Or the half-splits?
I was flexible.
- Yeah, my dad told me you were.
Taekwondo,
does it give superpowers or not?
No, why?
Because...
I have one.
Really?
What's your superpower?
I can disappear!
You couldn't see me anymore.
No, that's not true.
- Don't trust me?
Do you think I'm lying?
Show me.
- You want me to prove it?
OK.
One,
two...
Yassine, where are you?
Yassine, I can't see you.
Where are you?
I can't see you.
How do you do that?
It's a secret.
You can tell me.
- No, I can't.
Yes, you can.
I won't tell anyone, Yassine.
Yassine, answer me.
You're scaring me.
Yassine?
Yassine, answer me!
There you are!
Got you!
Yassine?
Salam, Saliha.
No, I want to stay!
I said you can't stay here.
Come with me.
It's fine. Take it easy.
- Let go of him.
No!
Yassine!
Come here!
Where do you want this sack of sugar?
- Not in the kitchen, please.
In the pot, then?
No!
Where have you been?
You've been here for half an hour
and now you come and see me!
Hey, have you seen the crowd?
Isn't your friend here?
- Not yet.
Give it a rest!
I smell greasy.
- No, you smell real good, Mom.
I thought you were with the others.
Happy birthday, Mom!
- Oh, yes!
Didn't you go to prayer?
No, I arrived too late.
How are you?
- Hello.
I forgot to say hi.
How are you?
- I'm OK.
He's here to eat!
- I've not seen you for ages.
Leave him, he's not fat.
- So handsome!
I wish he'd find someone
to take care of him.
Are you still single?
A handsome boy like you!
Yes, he's 30.
I've given up hope.
Right, what can I do?
Get married!
OK!
I'm kidding!
Go check on your grandmothers.
I'm afraid we've forgotten about them.
Take all that with you.
OK, I'm off.
- Thanks, you're a love.
Right, it's time to grate the carrots.
You've finished that, perfect!
And don't drink too much!
Salam aleykum.
- Hello, Brahim.
Who are the cakes for?
For you?
IT'S COMPLICATED HERE. TOO MANY PEOPLE.
WE MUSTN'T SCREW THINGS UP.
Yes, OK.
OK, I'll call you back.
Are you OK?
I need your help to empty the van.
Isn't Stphane here?
- I'm sick of working my ass off
for no fucking thanks whatsoever.
Salam.
How are you?
Mehdi!
I've had a hell of a day
with these kids.
Come down,
I need your help with the van.
Hello, Mounia. How are you?
- I'm fine! I'm fine!
I just wanna sit down, smoke a cig
and tell everyone to fuck off.
It'll be OK.
I can't.
It's Mom's birthday.
What's going on?
The same as usual.
I don't even want to talk about it.
Be warned, it's a mess.
I didn't have time to do a proper job.
Did they lend you all this for free?
With all the overtime I put in,
they had no choice.
Do we have to take all this out?
- You tell me...
Damn, we're screwed.
Hi Nabil, can you give me a hand?
- We're all yours!
OK. So, any glasses,
cutlery, plates, trays, etc,
lob them on the dining table.
We'll lay the buffet out there.
The rest: bar tables, tablecloths, etc,
in the conservatory, OK?
OK.
OK.
This is for the rest of the buffet
if there isn't enough room.
We'll see about that later, OK?
- OK.
Don't be wise guys.
You break it, you pay for it.
I'm being serious.
You break it, you pay for it.
Sorry.
Not on the table, I told you!
- No, you didn't.
Mehdi!
- Leave it.
Mehdi!
What's Saliha's problem?
- Forget it. It's nothing.
Come on, spit it out.
- Brahim, we'll talk about it later, OK?
She knows.
She saw you downtown.
She saw what? What did she say?
- Just drop it.
Tell me, please.
- Don't worry, she won't say a word.
What does she know?
- Don't worry, grab a table.
Brahim, take the table, please.
She won't say anything, OK?
Brahim!
Brahim, are you OK?
Brahim?
- Hold on.
Hey, Brahim?
- I'm OK.
Shall we put a couple in the garden?
- Mom, please. Check with Mounia.
It'd be much nicer.
Everyone's squashed in the living room.
Go on...
Yes?
Come on,
let's have a little more air.
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
It's me.
Where are you?
I don't see you here.
Will you be here soon?
Brahim!
Fucking hell.
Come upstairs, son.
Come on.
Salam, Dad.
You didn't come to prayer.
I know, I was late.
I didn't want to disturb you.
Sit down.
Your finger?
- No, it's nothing.
It'll be fine.
Here.
Thanks.
I've written a few words
for your mom tonight.
And I thought that you,
with your sensitivity and wit...
I'd like to know what you think.
My pleasure, Dad.
Tell me if you have any comments.
- Yeah, OK.
Bismillah...
"I'm sorry."
"I'd promised not to betray you
by leaving my country."
"To stay the way
you educated and shaped me."
"But circumstances beyond my control,"
"drove me to betrayal."
"She's Belgian with blue green eyes."
"It only took me a moment
to know that she was the one."
"A moment to cross
the immigration border."
"A moment to see you there
in that waiting room."
"You, my love."
Carry on, please.
"Today is your birthday"
"and our differences
go against the fanatics of..."
Sorry, Dad.
"In the name of my mother
and my country,"
"in the name of my father and my people,"
"I say to you, my love..."
"My love, I'm proud to be with you
and I feel free,"
"Amazigh, but beyond any race,"
"identified only by the religion of love
through this sky."
Do you have to take it?
No.
That's the end.
It's beautiful, Dad.
You can't put a price
on a gift like that.
Any comments?
No, not at all.
It's very well written,
it's beautiful, it's...
Honestly, well done. It's like
you've been doing it all your life.
Go on, pick up.
Are you staying here?
- I still have a few things to sort.
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
Thomas, it's me.
I'm in front of the bus stop.
I can't see you. Where are you?
You tell me you're on the bus
and almost here and then silence.
I don't get it.
Sorry, I was with my dad.
I couldn't pick up.
Call me back, please.
Put my mind at rest.
It's over, Brahim!
What?
- It's over.
We've finished emptying the van.
And how did you do it?
Mounia's tables fell on me.
Grab a clean napkin from the drawer
for your hands.
Auntie, can we have your chair?
- Yes, of course.
Give me your hand.
Haven't you got anything else to do?
- It's my pleasure.
Oh, it hurts!
Go on, press down a little
so that it all soaks in.
One second...
Does it hurt?
- It's just a small scratch.
Can I see?
- That's not necessary.
Go on, scram!
- No!
The kitchen is no place for playing.
Is your friend still not here?
- Not yet.
What's his name?
- Thomas.
Where do you know him from?
- Work.
So, he's a colleague?
He's more of a friend.
Excuse me.
What is it, Mom?
It's just a bit odd, that's all.
What is?
Your colleague coming here
on my birthday.
Does it bother you, Mom?
Mom?
Does it bother you?
Mom, does it bother you?
- There you go, almost done.
Do you have disinfectant at home?
It's OK, I'll use soap.
Are you OK?
Real good.
Will you put this away?
Hey, it's Thomas.
Leave me a message.
Thomas, I call you
and you hang up on me!
What's going on?
Are you fucking kidding me!
Salam aleykum, Brahim.
- Salam, Fatima. How are you?
So, they started the music.
- Yes.
I was on the dance floor and I saw her.
It was a flamenco.
A flamenco!
- People were shouting: "Ol!"
I came face to face with her.
She was bright red.
The bride had just had a skin peel.
Imagine! She'd had Botox
and her lips were all swollen.
The shame! I just couldn't cope.
So, I carried on serving.
Her father said:
"Isn't she beautiful?"
I slipped out right away and
there was a smell, a bit like drains.
I ended up with the son of Khadija,
your pal that scared me when I was a kid.
Fuck.
Brahim! Are you coming to eat?
- I'm waiting for it to calm down.
Don't delay
or you won't have much choice.
Don't worry, Mom.
- Come on!
I'll eat something, I promise.
I'm OK, thanks.
I've already eaten.
What's the problem with Mehdi?
I don't know.
Is it Saliha?
Yeah, we know that Saliha has
a huge problem.
But seriously, what's gone on with him?
Why?
- He keeps staring at you.
Have you done something to him?
I haven't done anything to him.
Never touch my boyfriend again.
Never again!
- Or else?
Never again, do you get it?
- Who the hell do you think you are?
We wouldn't have said a fucking word.
He'd just be here, that's all.
Are you fucking crazy?
Wake up, Brahim.
You'll never be able to bring him here
and everyone be OK with it.
Never, do you get it?
So what do I do, then?
It's been five years, Mehdi.
We've been together for five years.
- Great!
Be happy.
But respect us, too.
Respect other people, dammit.
Live your life and respect us.
How do I do that?
Tell me
how I'm supposed to do that, Mehdi.
If you're so smart,
tell me and I'll do it.
OK, go on then. Up you go!
Go up there and tell them.
Then, you'll have nobody, buddy.
I already have nobody.
And me?
When I have to explain to my wife
that my brother is a...
"But it doesn't matter."
"He's a nice guy, it's not his fault."
And because I defend you,
she thinks that I'm just like you.
Do you get it?
Fucking bitch!
- Hey!
She's not the only one
whom I've defended you to.
Really?
Tell me who else.
Who else, Mehdi?
I'm not doing this here.
- Tell me.
I'm not doing this here.
Ever.
Think carefully
about what you plan to do.
Think about it, Brahim.
Come on, Brahim, please.
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you...
"Sorry.
"I can't keep my promise.
"I'd promised not to betray you
by leaving my country.
"To stay...
"the way you educated
and shaped me.
"But circumstances beyond my control,
"drove me to betrayal."
"Yes, she's Belgian"
"with blue green eyes."
"It only took me a moment
to know that she was the one."
"Is it my fault?"
"A moment to cross
the immigration border."
"A moment to see you."
"You, my love, my friend."
"A beautiful forty year story."
"Today is your birthday"
"and our differences go against
the fanatics of identity."
"In the name of my mother
and my country,"
"in the name of my father
and my people..."
Hi.
- Hi.
Have you seen Thomas?
Thomas? Have you seen him?
- No.
Hey!
Hey!
How's it going?
- Have you seen Thomas?
Yeah, he dropped by.
He told me what your brother did
to him at your folks' place earlier.
Come on, I'll fix you a drink.
How did he look?
- What?
How did he look?
Nothing too bad, don't worry.
A few marks on his neck.
ANSWER ME, PLEASE.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING.
What's going on, Brahim?
- Nothing, Mom.
We'll talk again tomorrow, OK?
I'm worried about you.
- Don't worry. We'll speak tomorrow.
I have to go
because my battery is dead.
Go back to sleep, OK?
Mom?
Mom?
- Leave me alone!
Show us.
I'm not hurting you.
Yes, you are.
- I'm not. Come for a ride.
Come on guys,
that's never gonna work.
Relax, dude. We're talking.
- Like hell we are!
What do you take me for?
- Let go of her.
Let go!
- Let her go, she's not worth it.
Go on, fuck off.
- Get outta here.
Skank! You're not even worth a wank.
- Asshole!
Go fuck yourself, bitch!
What a fucking skank.
I've seen you somewhere before.
- No, I've never seen you.
Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Do you know this guy?
- No.
So, is there any pussy in there?
Yes, plenty. But you've no chance.
- Why?
Well, it's a gay bar.
- A bar for queers?
Fucking hell.
So, all these guys are queer?
What are you looking at?
- He's got the hots for you, bro.
What don't you get?
Hey guys, you know what?
I know a bar with girls.
Sure you do.
- Just pussy.
You want to find pussy, don't you?
- Yeah!
Let's go.
I've seen you before.
For sure.
Do you smoke weed?
No, I don't smoke.
- Go on.
Cosy back there, guys?
- Shut up!
There's plenty room in the back.
- Yeah!
What were you doing there, loser?
Killing time like you guys.
- We're not. We're hanging out.
And it's his birthday today.
- Really?
Well, happy birthday.
- Don't touch me.
You were born on the same day as my mom.
- So, what were you doing there?
Nothing, just going out.
- All alone?
Sure you were!
Aren't you married?
- No.
It's written all over his face.
Have you got any kids?
- No. How about you?
You're sitting on my son's seat.
All of us have kids.
No, I don't have kids, guys.
- Shut your fucking mouth.
Just fucking zip it.
How old are you?
- 22. How about you?
I'm 30.
- Fuck me, you're getting old, bro.
Get your ass into gear!
I know,
it's all I've heard all evening.
So, you weren't by yourself?
I was at my folks' place earlier.
- Ah, your folks' place!
What where you doing by that bar?
- Nothing, I know it well.
What is that place?
Nothing special, it's just cool.
- What's so cool about it?
Are your buddies cool?
You're confusing us.
- What?
What do you mean, "what"?
You're confusing us.
Are you a faggot or not?
You can be honest with us.
We're just driving around
smoking a spliff on my birthday.
Are you a fag?
- What does it change?
Just tell us, that's all.
It's just us.
It's party time.
Tell me, are you bent or not?
- It doesn't change anything.
Bro...
We saw you earlier
sticking up for your bum chum.
Admit that you're a fudge packer.
Tell him.
- Why are you insisting?
I like honesty.
- We saw you!
I like genuine folk.
- Honesty is the basis of everything.
Are you a fag or not?
- Own up.
Go on, dude, own up.
- Yeah, you're right. I'm gay.
I told you he was a faggot!
You picked up a fag in your car!
There's a fag in your car, dude.
You wanted to sell it.
You can forget that!
And he's sat in your kid's seat, Chris!
You're screwed.
You'll have to torch the lot.
I'll torch your face off, numbskull.
"Numbskull!"
You sound like an old fogey!
"Torch your face off!"
You really are a faggot!
You could have faked it.
We wouldn't have noticed.
Have you ever had a dick in your mouth?
- Sure he has!
You've taken
an actual dude's dick in your mouth?
That's gross, bro.
- Scared of getting a boner?
It's not that, it's just gross.
Do you want to blow my buddy, Milos?
A nice little Muslim boy.
- Shut the fuck up.
Aren't you Muslim?
Don't use "Muslim" and "fag"
in the same sentence, get it?
So, are you up for it or not?
- No, sorry.
Why not?
Look at his cute little goatee.
I have a boyfriend.
Ah, he has a boyfriend!
- And do you take him up the ass?
Then you can't walk anymore.
Then, there's your shit.
And you blow him,
he blows you back.
Gross!
You blow each other like hoes.
Better than hoes.
- Sonofabitch!
Please, no!
Sorry, guys.
I'll get out here.
You're going nowhere!
- I was talking crap.
Shut your face!
Shut it!
He said that he sucks cock
better than your missus.
You suck cock better than
my missus, bitch?
Is that what you said, bitch?
Hey, I'm fucking talking to you.
Is that what you said?
- No, I didn't.
Now he's calling you a liar.
You're calling me a liar
in front of all my buddies.
You're saying I'm a liar
and that my missus can't give head!
Tonight, you'll be begging me
to lick a pussy, cocksucker.
I'll cure you, motherfucker.
I'll make your shitty little balls
grow back, cock-sucking bastard.
I'll teach you what pain is,
you filthy fucking beast.
Show me how you suck cock
better than my missus.
No, no!
- Show me how you suck cock!
Come on, show us.
Wrap your cock pocket around that.
That's it,
get your lips around that, cunt.
Suck nice and hard.
Suck that cock, bitch.
All the way in,
to the back of your throat, that's it.
A real tasty bell end,
you cock-sucking cunt.
What are you doing?
- Shut the fuck up!
Can't I have fun on my birthday?
Go on, suck hard.
Use your tongue.
Show us what you do in your fag bar
where you were earlier, filthy bitch.
- Go on, thrust it in.
Cock-sucking bastard.
You've gone too far.
- Shut the fuck up!
That's over the top.
- That's right.
Go on, cocksucker.
You're drooling.
You love it, motherfucker.
Geoff, I have to change gear.
Go on, fuck off.
What's up?
- Have you got a tissue for this drool?
I'm going.
- You're going nowhere.
Don't fucking move.
It's my birthday, don't move.
Happy birthday.
Congrats.
Now give me my keys back.
- No.
Give me my keys!
- No.
I wanna go.
- Go on, get out!
Give me my keys!
- No.
Have you lost it?
- Wanna hook up with him?
Shut it and quit dicking around.
- Give me my keys. You've lost it.
I don't want this.
- It's fun.
I'm just out of the clink.
Keys!
You'll end up back in there.
- Because of you?
Come on, give me my keys back!
- No, I won't.
I'll punch your lights out.
- Really? Go for it!
I'm never giving you your keys back.
- Give me them!
Give me my keys.
Give me my fucking keys!
No, I won't.
- Fucking keys, now!
Give me my fucking keys!
- No.
Give them to me!
- Don't have a heart attack.
Give me my fucking keys!
- No, I won't.
I ate them. I gave them to a hobo
so he has a bed for the night.
Go fuck yourself for the keys.
Or I could drop you off on the hill
so you can have a little gang bang.
Shut the fuck up!
An ass bandit gang bang.
- Shut it!
A little respect, please.
- Are you happy now?
You're shitting your pants.
- Happy now?
Shitting your pants like a pussy.
Get it on real good together.
- This is your fault!
I'm caught up
in this shit because of you.
Give me my fucking keys!
- No.
You're getting on my tits, Geoff.
- I won't give you them.
Have a swig of vodka and shut up.
- Happy now?
Look at me!
Look at me when I'm speaking to you!
Look at him.
Show him some respect.
He said look at him.
- Happy now?
Come on, Loc.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Milos.
Are you happy?
- Yeah.
Yeah?
Is that all? Just happy?
Yes, I'm happy that you're here too.
Have you no shame?
Get lost!
I said get lost.
Come on!
- Shit.
Motherfucker.
I'll strip the motherfucker.
Pull down his pants.
- I'm real sorry.
Pull his fucking pants off, go on.
- I can't.
For fuck's sake.
- I can't.
Shut up or I'll kick your ass.
Pull the fuckers down.
Just like that, little fag boy.
Pull down his fucking pants, Milos.
Pop the trunk, Loc.
The trunk!
- OK, I got it.
No, no, please!
Little bitch.
How do you think I had kids?
Did I shit them out?
It's everywhere!
- Spruce up your car!
Hey, it was my turn
for a shot, asshole!
What's up with you, Hitler?
Go straight on and turn right.
He can't even tell
his left from his right!
What are you talking about?
I'll give you a right hook, bro.
Which is your right?
- This one.
He knows his left from his right!
You laugh like a fucking hyena
from The Lion King.
Pass me your booze.
It makes me want to give you
a bone to gnaw on.
Fucking jerk.
- Your mom can gnaw on my bone!
What the fuck?
Get outta here.
Go left!
- Milos, go left.
Go left!
- We didn't say go right!
He doesn't know his left from his right!
- Look at the road.
Two fags are playing hide-and-seek.
One says to the other:
"If you find me, you fuck me.
"If you don't find me, you don't."
- Seems fair.
"If you don't find me,
I'm hiding in the garage!"
We've got things to do.
Don't move.
We trust you.
Don't move a fucking muscle.
It's fucking freezing.
It's scandalous.
Hey, little bitch.
- No!
What didn't you understand?
What did you not understand?
- Get the fuck out of there!
No, no, no!
Move your ass!
- Fucking hell.
There we go.
- Look at that skinny ass loser.
Hurts, doesn't it?
Fucking beast!
Come here.
Grab him.
Sonofabitch.
Come on!
Get up, look at me.
Pretend you're a horse.
Make horse noises.
Make horse noises, cocksucker.
Look!
Smile. Say hello.
Say goodbye to your buddies.
You pathetic fucking pussy.
Giddy up, little horsey!
Let's go, shoot in the air!
Go on, move closer.
- Move your ass closer!
Move your ass, go on!
Watch carefully, cocksucker.
Pretend you're a goat.
Make goat noises.
We told you
to pretend you're a goat.
Do it, bitch!
Go on.
Pretend you're a goat.
Or a horse.
Pretend you're a horse.
We said pretend to be a goat,
you filthy bitch.
He's drooling on me, cocksucker!
You're drooling on me, you cunt.
Fucking hell.
Filthy slut!
- Drooling on me!
Smile for the camera!
- Make him eat mud.
You're going to be on TV,
little bitch.
Make him eat mud.
- He needs vitamins!
Go on, eat it!
What vitamins, bro?
- Mud is full of vitamins!
Graze on the grass,
fucking horsey!
People can see you eating!
Eat it!
Eat this motherfucking grass,
cock-sucking scumbag!
Geoff, look!
Hey, Geoff!
Let me take your photo.
Show me his face.
Look at my buddy.
- Come on, look at me.
Fun, isn't it?
Isn't this fun?
- We said smile.
Tell him we're having fun.
- Tell him.
Are we having fun?
We can't hear. Eat the grass.
- Move closer.
Move closer.
Grab him.
His fucking ear!
Go on.
It pinches.
Lost his voice, has he?
Submissive little bitch!
- You're on my phone, cunt.
Go on, take a little photo.
- Smile.
Give us a smile!
Smile!
Look at me, smile.
I'll have it framed.
- Give us a smile.
Get next to Milos, Loc.
- Look.
Go on, I'll take one.
He's a lizard, dude.
Look, that's gross.
- Smile for the camera!
Where the hell is he going?
- Home!
Go on, run, run!
- Loc, smile!
Go on, Geoff, join him.
Let's see you race.
Come on, it's a competition.
Go, go, go!
You're going to win, buddy.
You're looking good.
You're gonna win!
Go for it!
Give us a smile.
The Usain Bolt of crawling!
Keep your eye on the prize!
- Nearly got it...
Oh no!
Oh boy, he won!
- He won!
Champion, champion...
He's the champion...
Smile, you won!
- Smile!
Go on, smile!
- A little smile.
Say "cheese."
Go on, smile.
Look, that's gross.
- Is that good?
Like sliding it through butter!
- Oh fuck!
Do you want to know what
a whore's ass smells like?
Fuck off, that's gross!
- Here, smell it.
That's gross.
- Watch this!
Smell it, Milos!
- You really are animals.
You really are animals.
What's he doing?
Fucking hell!
He flattened you!
- What the fuck are you doing?
Go on, hit him!
Go on, kick his ass, dude.
He's well and truly
kicked his ass!
Look, dude.
- Has he fallen asleep or what?
He's fallen asleep.
- How you doing, buddy?
He's fallen asleep.
- Look at that.
Your right hook
has knocked him out cold.
Yeah, go on, go on!
- Look at that!
Put it back and start again.
Go on, bash him.
Fucking hell, guys.
He's lost his voice.
Bash him.
Hold on, my turn!
- It must hurt.
A game of basketball, me thinks.
Michael Jordan in the house!
- In the basket!
Go on.
Get a good aim.
Hold on,
I'm going for a slam-dunk.
I'm gonna get a slam-dunk.
Hold on, I'll try again.
- Fucking hell.
Hey, honey bunny.
Look at me.
I'm going to give you
one last chance.
Do you want one last chance?
We'll give you two minutes
to get out of here.
Go on, get up.
- Fuck off.
Get up and fuck off.
- Take your chance.
Go on!
- He doesn't have the balls.
Go on!
- Get the fuck up.
That's it.
Run!
Go for it.
Run! Run!
Skinny ass loser.
Run like the wind!
Here, kitty.
- Run!
Go on.
- Kitty, kitty.
Go on, take your chance.
That's it.
He caught him!
Milos, the hunter, guys.
One, two, three, four.
March soldiers!
One, two, three, four...
Today is my birthday.
What a fucking great catch
I am, ladies.
I'm no faggot.
I'm here with my buddies
having a real chilled evening.
We're having a drink,
smoking a cig, a little spliff.
We're letting off steam.
There's a lot of love here.
I love you.
It's your turn to love me back.
Fuck, I hope
I don't find a used rubber.
You can't tell
if it's been up a fag's ass.
You can!
A souvenir full of jizz.
3 euros 80!
- That's for his kebab!
Fuck!
- That's for the taxi!
For dropping him off!
Fucking cocksucker!
Notes, notes, notes...
Jack shit, dude.
He's fucking blown it all.
- Show me his ugly mug.
He's pissed all his money away!
Show me!
Fucking hell!
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
- See this?
You're being a prick.
- Stick it up your ass!
You're fucking nuts.
Give it to me, selfish prick.
What the fuck?
It's my birthday. Give it to me.
It's my phone.
I found it.
I've promised it to the missus.
You've just found it.
When did you promise it to her?
I promised to buy her a phone,
now I got a free one for her.
She's not your boss.
Give it to me, it's my birthday.
It's everybody's birthday
this year, bro!
Show it to me quickly.
- No.
Just a quick look!
I just wanna see it.
- OK, I'll show you.
Here.
Give it to me, motherfucker.
For fuck's sake.
Such a gay phone case!
- 3 seconds to grab it.
One, two, three!
You're a prick.
- Screw you, pussy!
Don't touch it, OK?
I'll charge it up.
Keep your hands off it, bro.
- Fucking hell.
Tight-assed prick!
It's my birthday present.
Go fuck yourself!
I got you a birthday present.
I got you a gift.
He's lying on the ground.
Grab him and take him home.
- That cocksucker is too heavy.
Give it me, selfish prick.
Just give him one up the ass
and leave me alone, bro.
You're a prick.
- Haven't you had your gift?
You've had your gift
and this is mine.
I didn't come here for nothing.
There, it's charging.
Don't touch it, Geoff.
You're a real pain in the ass.
I've told you before.
You really are
such a selfish prick.
You are.
- What the fuck are you doing?
I'm texting the missus.
What are you? The police?
Don't forget I introduced you
to that bitch, motherfucker.
Like you could've pulled her
with your ugly mug!
How's it going, ladies?
- Turn the light down.
Turn it down.
- We can't see a thing.
That cunt found a phone.
- Turn it down.
No, don't be such pricks.
- Turn it off.
That asshole found a phone
and he won't let me have it.
Where did he find a phone?
In our little cocksucker buddy's
pants or jacket.
Milos?
Did you find a phone?
Yeah!
He won't hand it over,
the fucker.
It's his birthday.
- I'll stick it up his ass.
You fucking jerk.
- Finders keepers.
It's a gift.
There's fuck all booze left.
- It's for my missus.
That's the way it is.
It's mine.
Hold on...
Look at that.
Listen!
- What?
Oh fuck!
- What?
What's he saying?
What's that bullshit?
- Here.
Hey, Milos!
He's speaking your language.
Get back.
He's gonna explode.
What's he saying?
- What?
Hey, don't do that.
What's he saying?
- Don't say that.
He's praying.
Shut the fuck up.
Don't do that.
I said shut the fuck up.
Hey, faggots go to hell.
And I guess
alkies like you go to heaven?
Zip it!
Shut your fucking face.
Hey, you've no right
to say a word.
Shut your fucking mouth!
Shut the fuck up!
One sand nigger killing
another sand nigger...
That's one small step for man,
one giant leap for mankind.
Fuck, check that out.
- What?
Wow!
What the fuck is he doing?
He's on fire.
Where the fuck has
that come from?
Fuck me.
- He's the man!
Go on, Loc.
You've barely touched him.
You're the man, Loc!
Our baby Smurf is all grown up!
Hey dude!
Look at me.
Our baby Smurf is all grown up!
- You're so fired up!
My buddy!
- He's got balls!
He's the man!
He's all grown up now.
Handsome devil!
Look at me.
I'm on fucking fire.
- Awesome!
I'm on fire.
- He's got balls.
He's one of us now.
- On fire!
You're one of us now.
Oh boy!
I'm on fucking fire, guys.
I'm on fire!
I'm on fire!
Awesome, buddy.
Hello?
Yeah, it's Geoff.
How's it going?
Sorry for waking you so early.
I've been partying all night.
I can't really come to work.
I've got a mother of a hangover.
You can cover for me.
Yeah, you'll get double time for it.
You can thank me later!
Yeah.
I know, I'll totally return the favor.
Yeah.
So, can I count on you?
Don't land me in any shit.
Cheers, dude.
- Sure.
Cool.
OK, bye.
A moment to cross the immigration...
OK guys, we're there.
Come on, give me my keys now.
Fuck, your keys!
I've lost them, bro.
Don't dick around,
give me my keys.
Mine first.
- You first.
No, you.
- You.
No, I don't trust you.
- I don't trust you.
Shut it.
You can't have them.
Give me them.
- I don't trust you.
On the count of three,
throw each other the keys, guys.
I'll get them.
- I'm going, guys.
You've put them in your fucking undies,
shower dodger!
Give me my keys.
- On the count of three.
Go on.
One, two...
Sonofabitch.
Hey Milos, give me my keys.
- Do you want them?
Go fetch them, bitch!
Sonofabitch.
- Give your mom one for me.
Give your dad one from me.
- Bye bye.
Lo? Lo?
Come here.
Yeah?
What's up?
Where are you off to?
- Where do you think?
What the fuck have you done
to your hand?
It's nothing.
I got into a fight.
Are you kidding?
Well, it wasn't my fault.
Did you at least win?
- Course I did.
Right, I'm out of here.
It's only in three hours.
I promised to help out a bit before.
Aren't you coming with me?
Aren't you coming?
Fuck off before I kick your ass
and shut the door behind you.
A little fucking respect, please.
Get the fuck out of here.
What do you think you're doing?
- I'm going to see Dad.
You're just taking off?
- I told Morgane.
Screw Morgane.
I'm the one you should tell.
I've nothing to tell you.
- What do you mean?
Does Mom know?
- She's OK with it.
Yeah, as usual.
She agrees to anything you say.
Give it a rest.
- I'm telling you not to go.
Look at me, you're not going.
Oh yes I am!
You're not my dad.
Listen carefully. I'm not your dad?
I'm the one who looks after you.
I look after Mom, pay the rent and
buy the meds and clothes on your back.
Do you get it?
If you go, I'll shit in your clothes
and wipe my ass with them.
Now fuck off out of here.
I don't want to set eyes on you again.
What's up?
Get the fuck out of here!
You're dead to me.
Fuck off, you little shit.
Fuck right off.
I'll smash your face in.
Mouthy bastard!
Are you OK?
- I'm here to help out.
I know, your dad told me.
Come with me.
Isn't my dad here?
He's on his way.
I hope we'll be ready.
Karim!
There's someone here to help us.
Hello. Can you grab that table there?
- Sure.
Leave some room here,
we need to squeeze things in.
Get a move on!
Sorry.
You're taking one chair at a time.
I told you to take...
How's it going?
You went to St. Louis, right?
- Yeah.
I was two grades above you.
Possibly.
I don't remember much anymore.
I get it. That place was hell.
- Yeah, it sure was.
Who's getting married?
- My dad.
Ah cool! Are you happy?
- I couldn't care less.
It's his life.
He can do what he wants.
Well, you look smart
for someone who couldn't care less.
Yeah, I don't normally dress like this.
Do you think I usually dress like this!
- I hope not, for your own sake.
The hall looks awesome like that.
Yeah, it's not bad.
It's great, I like it.
- Totally!
It's cool.
- Yeah, it's cool.
See you later?
- Yeah, maybe.
Yeah?
- I think I'd like that.
Cool. See you later.
- See you.
They're overworked.
You could help out in the kitchen.
What did you say?
They need a hand in the kitchen, OK?
There's not enough champagne
to go round.
So, if people ask for a top-up,
what do you do?
Nothing.
Say you'll be right back but dodge them.
And be careful with the crockery, OK?
We've not served food yet
and all the flutes are broken.
Yes, I'm talking to you.
There are no "buts."
Not disturbing you am I, Melissa?
Amused?
Sorry.
So, you know the rule.
If you break it, you pay for it.
Is that clear for everyone?
- Yes.
Then smile, it's a wedding, OK?
So, look professional.
We're here to make people happy, OK?
Each take a bottle and only serve
people who haven't had a drink.
See you later.
Thanks. It's great you're helping out.
- It's cool.
Loc!
Loc, come here!
Everyone's glass is empty.
What the fuck?
Pour me one!
Now!
Loc, come here.
Let's take a photo.
Kevin!
Come take a family photo for us here.
Good evening, everyone.
Thanks to you all.
Sorry, guys,
I'm stealing your thunder,
but this is one of
the happiest moments of my life.
Thierry, Michel, I think you know
that I played a part in fixing you up.
Just remember
the famous Mariachi evening!
Oh, no!
No, we'll simply remember that,
ever since then,
you've become
two inseparable tanned Mexicans.
I really must pay tribute to Loc.
A young man who has always been part
of his father's happiness.
And when I saw him
in his beautiful suit,
he reminded me of a swallow
welcoming the first signs of spring.
Ah, beautiful, isn't it!
I'm going to stick
with the bird theme,
with our two friends,
our two beautiful turtledoves.
Thank you, kind sir!
Thanks to you,
everything is fine.
We're winning
all our home football matches,
there are trout in the river.
Just one little snag, I may ask Michel
to send you for table tennis lessons.
He hasn't beaten me yet!
And one of Thierry's problems is
the barbecue: nothing but pork.
For heaven's sake,
let's have some shellfish!
And so...
IN THE MEMORY OF IHSANE JARFI
ANIMALS