Another Stakeout (1993) Movie Script
Yeah?
Yeah, I got it.
Take it easy, Lu.
You gotta have a little faith.
Relax.
Have something to eat.
There's some more stuff
in the fridge, if you like.
- You want some coffee?
- No, I just want this to be over with.
I'm gonna lie down.
- Lu, you gonna be okay?
- Yeah.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Thanks.
Come here, come here.
Come over here.
- You got to take it easy.
- I shouldn't have done this, Michael.
- This is insane.
- Come on, come on.
Come on, look what it's done.
I mean, look where we are.
Well, won't last forever.
Yes, it will. This is
gonna last forever.
- You don't know these people.
- Let's just get through the trial.
Then we'll get the hell out of
the country, just you and me.
- I love you.
- I love you too, kid.
I had such a great time
at the party last night.
They always get
the best caterers.
I don't know where they find them.
That food was great.
What do we have here?
- McNamara, you there?
- Yeah, we're here.
We have a septic truck
right in front of the house.
Running the plate.
"You dump it... We pump it."
- Sounds like a government job.
- Yeah.
Okay, the license plate checks out.
We have
a scheduled pump for today.
Lucky us,
or should I say, lucky you?
You may unfasten your safety belts
and rhumba around the cabin.
We have a pizza delivery this time.
Running the plate now.
- What the hell, you guys didn't order pizza, did you?
- No, it's 7:00 in the morning.
- Oh, shi...
We have a Code Red!
Ready? Now!
- Freeze! Move!
- Turn around!
I didn't do nothin'! I swear!
I swear
I didn't do nothin'!
- Hey!
- Relax!
- Is it wired?
- I don't know!
Hey, this truck's
not pumpin' out, it's pumpin' in!
- Lu, get outta the house!
- Lu, get out!
Hey, go on and get
that truck outta there!
Get that truck
outta here!
Lu, get out!
Lu! Lu!
- Out the back!
- This way! This way!
Okay, get it outta here!
Get it out!
This way! Go!
Run, Lu, run!
Lu, help!
Aaah!
Lu! Lu!
Oh, my God!
Michael!
Unbelievable!
This is...
unbelievable!
The truck was filled with gasoline.
The guy must have had a remote.
Well, he detonated
his truck.
Once they found out
where the safe house was,
it would have been easy
to find schedules.
He probably intercepted the truck
sometime before the last stop.
- We've uncovered another body.
- Where is it?
Over there.
That makes number three.
- Is this Delano or not?
- No, I don't think so.
This weapon's
police issue.
Our entire case against Costanzo
is based on Delano's testimony.
So I would really like to know
if she is alive or dead...
before I call her
to the witness stand!
I can't take this goombah into court
with a bunch of circumstantial crap!
He'll walk, just like he
walked the last two times.
Hello! This was your responsibility,
sir, and you blew it!
- Don't you dare pin this on me!
- Don't talk back to me!
Hey, listen!
This whole operation was compromised!
- Back off!
- What you people don't seem to be able to understand...
is that without
this witness, I have no case!
Now, can anyone tell me
if she is dead?
Sir, I don't
think she's one of the bodies.
- You think she survived this?
- I've looked at all the bodies we found.
None of them match
Delano's description.
Are you telling me
that she's alive?
Well, she's definitely not
one of the bodies we have.
Then where the hell is she?
- Hey.
- Loser.
- I think it's him.
- Where?
Long hair
over by the pickup.
Hey, what do ya got?
- You sure? - Son-of-a-bitch
killed my friends. Cut me bad.
- Think I'd forget?
- We got a positive I.D.
Told you not to bother me
unless it was important.
- Hope you're wearin' sun block.
- I'm a construction worker. I need rays.
He's coming in your direction.
Fatigues, glasses, long hair.
- Whoo! What have we got here?
- Hey, you jerk!
I think we should arrest him
for what he's wearing.
Yeah, he looks like he's on page 26
of Madonna's sex book.
I got him.
Think it's safe to assume
he's armed and dangerous?
- Wanna yell, "Freeze"?
- I yelled "Freeze" last time.
- Go ahead, it makes you feel better.
- No, no, no.
Hey, stay here.
No, no, you get hurt, it's my ass.
Wait, wait! Hold it!
Whoops.
Yes! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
What are you lookin' at?
Go after 'im!
No, I've seen this one before.
You go there. I'll take the back.
- He's goin' upstairs!
- Got it!
- Aah!
- Freeze! Oh!
Uh, just a hunch, but I don't think
this guy's gonna go in peacefully.
Freeze!
He's not freezing!
- Try, "Stop or I'll shoot!"
- Stop or I'll shoot!
Nope!
Anything else?
Did you say,
"Simon says"?
Watch a pro.
- Police! You're under arrest!
- Whoa!
Aaah!
Chris!
Aaah!
Yuck!
So that's how
a pro does it, huh?
Die.
Hey, wait! Wait! Whoa, whoa!
Seattle P.D., stop that truck!
Hey! Seattle P.D.!
Stop!
Stop the truck!
- Stop the truck.
- What?
My partner's
in the back.
Da-daaaa!
I'm hit!
Let's get outta here!
Son-of-a-bitch
killed my friend.
Drop it!
Mm-hmm.
Shi...
Oh, no.
Yeah, what do you want?
- Gina Garrett for the captain.
- Okay.
Gina Garrett for you.
Hey, you two!
Stinky, Reimers!
Captain's havin' a hemorrhoid.
Wants your butts
in his office A.S.A.P.
- I'm sorry, Gina Garrett, was it?
- Gina Garrett, yes.
In!
All right,
gimme a minute. I'll get back to ya.
Oh, let me guess.
Sanitation and construction.
Two of my favorites... Uh-uh-uh-uh!
Don't you dare sit in
those chairs. Either of ya.
Detective Lecce, is this the weapon
involved in the assault?
- Yes, sir, Captain, sir.
- Do we know whose weapon it is?
- Yes, Captain, sir, it's mine.
- Okay, let's get some facts straight.
Winston and I don't want Internal
Affairs pointing a finger at us,
saying that we didn't
do ourjob right.
The gun fell out of my hand because I
happened to be falling out of a window.
Witness picked it up,
shot the suspect. Sue me.
Since this is now classified
as an officer-involved shooting,
- you two won't mind a quick visit with the D.A.'s office.
- What?
- The guy was resisting arrest!
- It took the two of us to hold him down!
- He can't file charges against me!
- Really?
- The gun was falling out of my hand!
- Hey! Hey!
- Who said anything about filing charges?
- You said the D.A.'s office!
I didn't say anything. You two are
temporarily reassigned to the D.A.'s office.
- They'd like to stop by and tell you why.
- Do we get a choice?
Choice?
A handcuffed suspect?
- Good afternoon.
- Phillip. Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, this is Assistant
District Attorney Gina Garrett.
- This is Det. Chris Lecce and Det. Bill Reimers.
- Hello.
- Oh, I'm really sorry about that.
- Don't use my scarf!
- I got some spaghetti all over...
- Everything's fine.
Gentlemen, this assignment's
confidential. Don't discuss it.
Two days ago the Las Vegas D.A.
and the U.S. Department ofJustice...
asked us to help find a witness
who was gonna testify...
against the head
of a Chicago crime family.
Luella Delano was the witness.
Justice had her under protective custody
until someone blew up the safe house,
- killing several agents.
- How many are several?
Three.
Somehow she got away.
She's made no attempt to contact the Department
ofJustice or the Las Vegas D.A. since then.
- What, no postcard?
- No.
Trial begins next week.
The Feds are all worked up.
Apparently, without Delano
the government has no case.
So all leads are being followed,
including one which leads here.
Phone call Delano made to a number here in
Seattle belonging to a Brian and Pam O'Hara.
- She may be lookin' to lay low with them.
- Anybody check the O'Haras?
They left for their vacation home
on Bainbridge Island two days ago...
which makes putting them
under surveillance a little tricky.
- Stakeout.
- We heard you're good at it.
We cannot rotate surveillance teams.
You'll be on it round the clock.
I have managed to secure the house next to
the O'Haras. It belongs toJudge Hoberman.
- Maximum Dave?
- I've had to promise on my career...
that nothing would happen to his house, so
gentlemen, nothing had better happen to his house.
- So no wipin' your boogers on the sofa.
- Don't say boogers!
- It's a habit ya have to break.
- What's the matter...
Your cover is you're renting the
judge's house for a month of vacation.
As what, friends or lovers?
We think you'll be able
to pass for father and son.
What, are you kidding me?
- Uh-uh.
- Dad?
- No way! Just stop it right now.
- Papa!
- And I'll be going with you?
- Really? As my granddaughter?
- No, your wife.
- My wife?
- Your second wife actually.
- Look, boss, this is not...
Detective!
I'm the boss.
- You're the...
- Yes, Detective, I am the boss.
Okay, this is a joke, right?
Okeydoke.
I'll see ya later.
- Uh, Daddy?
- Don't start with that crap.
- I'm just practicing.
- Oh, practice your prayers, pal.
Come on, come on.
Just try calling me "son"just once.
- You're really getting off on this one. The dad thing.
- Hello, son.
The thing with the dad and the son
thing. This is a big chuckle, right?
- We have to be able to talk.
- Eat me. How's that?
Does Maria let you
talk to her like that?
I'm my own man. When you're all grown
up, you'll understand what that means.
- Hey, Ray. What are you doin'?
- Chris.
Helpin' my sister out.
Sorry, nothin' personal.
"Nothing personal"?
Maria!
- Get out!
- What the hell is going on here?
- I said, "Get out."
- I know what you said.
Then do it
and take your stuff!
Maria, talk to me.
Maria.
- Are you throwing me out?
- Yes!
- What the hell is wrong?
- Nothing your leaving won't cure.
Did I miss a couple of pages? Exactly
what is it I'm supposed to have done?
- You came home.
- I always come home. It's what I do before I go back to work.
Well, I am saving you
a trip.
Could we go back
a couple of steps?
Not that many either.
Just like last night.
Remember? I came home, we had dinner,
we made love, we went to sleep.
In the morning, I got up and went
to work. Now did I miss something?
Ooh!
I'm leaving.
When I come back, I want you gone.
No, not until
you tell me why.
Because I'm tired of wanting
something I'm not gonna get.
- You're happy. I'm not.
- Oh, Maria, we have been over this.
Don't bother, I don't want
to hear the reasons anymore.
Marriage doesn't work in my family. My
parents, my sisters, my brothers, aunts.
Everybody got divorc... If we got
married, that would be the end of this.
What do you think
this is?
- Maria. Maria, we love each other.
- Move!
Why do you want to ruin the whole
thing for a goddamn piece of paper?
Get out of my way,
you asshole!
I am not leaving.
Do you hear me? I am not leaving!
I'm willing to work this out.
I'm not leaving.
Okay, Chris.
You're right. You stay.
- What are you doing?
- Calling the police.
- Ha-ha-ha! Very funny.
- McGuire, Maria.
M-c-G-u-i-r-e.
Yes, I'd like to report
a domestic disturbance.
That's right, isn't it? I'd hate to be
wrong after living with a cop for six years.
Yes, a domestic disturbance.
I'm being held against my will.
All right. All right!
I'll marry you!
Life is too short.
I don't have much time,
so just listen.
- They don't think Delano's dead.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
- Well, then, where the hell is she?
No one knows.
She hasn't contacted anybody.
Chances are, if they find her, it
won't be until after the trial anyway.
- There's no guarantee.
- You're the guarantee, Hassrick.
Do you understand me?
It is not my fault.
It's your man.
You just find her
and you call me. Got it?
Fine. I will.
If I find out.
Hey, guys. Sit tight. I'll be
with you in a second.
So, did she tell you why
or was it just...
- You know.
- Marriage.
- Mmm.
- Mmm, commitment thing.
- So what are you afraid of?
- Advice.
Okay, guys, here it goes.
Unleaded fuel only.
Check the oil when you fill it up
and don't try and use the car phone.
Because...
We disconnected it.
I know you guys might feel a little
tempted to have some fun... Hey!
Chill! Keep your yang
in your pants.
This vehicle goes on sale
at the auction at the end of next week.
The guys upstairs expressly asked
me to ask you two not to mess it up.
You got that?
Okay.
- All right, guys, who gets
the keys? - Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
I'm the dad! This is a family car.
You'll have to beg.
- Hey!
- Whoo-ha!
Hey!
Ave...
So, what do you think?
Left or right?
Well, maybe this
won't be so bad.
We've been in worse situations
than this before, right?
Remember all that stuff
with Drooling Harry?
I told you never to mention
Drooling Harry again.
This is it.
What clown painted this place?
Archie, shut up!
I could use some help up here, please.
Help your mother.
Good boy, yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Are you nuts? Four bags?
- Oh, please, don't give me that man thing.
- No, no, no.
- This is not a man thing. This is a woman thing.
- Well, this is what I'm taking.
Fine, take the bags!
We're stayin' here.
Isn't this great? Our first fight.
Feel like a family already.
Listen, Detective,
we're supposed to be well-to-do.
I cannot do well-to-do
with one change of clothes.
So this is what I'm taking.
Open the trunk.
We could leave the bugging
equipment and recorder.
I suppose. Of course, we could
write down what they say.
Should have taken that shorthand
course. What about the cameras?
- Leave 'em. You can draw pretty well.
- Yeah.
Just need to pick up some paper and
some crayons, the big thick ones.
- Don't leave the pictures on the refrigerator...
- All right. All right.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
You cannot be paper
every time.
- There are no rules in paper, rock, scissors.
- Yes, there are.
- No, there are not.
- Yes, there are.
- Yes, there are.
- Oh, God, don't be so childish.
Good boy, sit!
- I hope you're taking him for a walk.
- He's coming with us.
- Not a chance.
- No way.
- What's the problem?
- We're on a job.
What are you afraid
he's gonna tell the neighbors?
- Put him in a kennel.
I've never put him in a kennel.
And I'm not about to start now.
He is very well trained.
He'll simply lie by the fire.
I'll take him for walks.
It doesn't get much more complicated than
that. Really. We're a family, gentlemen.
- Families have dogs.
- Not this family.
If he doesn't go,
I don't go.
Archie! Up!
Don't make any sudden movements. He's
trained. He's not that well trained.
So what do you think,
I should marry her?
It's only a stakeout, Chris.
It'll be over in a couple of days.
Maria!
I'm talking about Maria.
If you're asking me, I think you
should have married her six years ago.
- Hmm, I was too young.
- How about now?
- I'm, I'm too old!
- Or maybe you're too late.
Did you ever think the reason she dumped you
was maybe because she's seein' another guy?
- If she was seein' somebody else, I'd know.
- Maybe!
No maybe.
I would know, all right?
If she was seein'
somebody else, I'd know.
Yeah, you're right. Beautiful girl
like her dumps you for a younger guy.
That could never happen.
Look at me, I've been married for
eight years. I have two wonderful kids.
I'm happy, still in love and not a
grey hair on my head. Now look at you.
- Have I done something to offend you?
- Do you love her?
- Yes! I love her.
- Then marry her! Commit to her.
You're not gonna find
a better woman than Maria.
Looks like
our time is up.
- How much do I owe you?
- Oh, this stuff don't come cheap.
- Two, three bucks?
- Three. Thank you.
Excuse me.
I don't mean to interrupt.
Listen, I know that you feel
this assignment is beneath you.
Perhaps because I'm a woman, maybe because
I'm not a cop. It doesn't really matter.
The fact is, I'm really not
as bad as you think I am.
I'm hoping you're not
as bad as I think you are.
- He is.
- Look, you just do what you do and we'll do what we do.
- Okay? It really doesn't get anymore complicated than that.
- Fine.
That's fine. I've prepared our backgrounds in
case we come into contact with our neighbors.
We need to have a cohesive story.
I've tried to keep it simple.
Chris,
what's this word?
- "The."
- Oh, yeah.
There is one more thing. I think
that Bill should shave his mustache.
Excuse me?
Your mustache. It would make you look a lot
younger and you are supposed to be Chris' son.
- Forget it!
- I really think it would be more convincing.
I don't think you understand the
relationship a man has with his facial hair.
Oh, please! I am not asking you
to cut off your penis.
- Maybe you'd like to try!
- Don't be ridiculous.
I have had this mustache for 13
years! How long have you had yours?
Man's relationship
with his facial hair, eh?
- How's it goin'?
- I'm not talking to you. You took her side.
This is the second marriage
for you and the first for me, Chris.
- What happened to my first wife?
- Your first wife is dead.
- Hmm, great.
- You think this is stupid, don't you?
You have any idea what's
really goin' on here?
You know what a stakeout is all
about? You sit, you listen, you watch.
That's it.
You don't participate.
You don't go over and borrow a cup of
sugar and you don't bake them cookies.
- That about covers it.
- You know, Bill, you look a lot younger.
I look 12 years old!
- It's so beautiful.
- That one's ours.
Not bad, Pop.
Archie, stay.
Thank you, Bill.
- You are unbelievable.
- I'm an innocent guy.
You want me
to carry you across the threshold?
No, we've been married
for five years. The thrill is gone.
Look at that view.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
Oh, look at these antiques.
My God, it must be worth a fortune!
Oh, I want to be a judge!
Hey, it's Stickley!
Stickley's my favorite.
Stickley's our favorite!
This is fine-quality furniture, gentlemen.
Could you please be careful with your fingers?
- Pretty good.
- Better here.
See everybody
comin'and goin'.
Looks good to me.
Archie?
Oh, no. Archie, boy!
Archie!
Oh, Lord.
Oh, no, Archie! Archie!
No, boy! Archie!
- Mommy said, "No!"Archie!
- Oh, stop, it's gone.
- Will you forget about it?
- I miss it! Okay?
He's headin' next door!
Archie!
Archie! No, Archie!
No! Archie!
No!
Come back here, Archie!
Archie!
No, Archie!
Wait for Mommy!
Archie!
Shoot the dog!
No! Bad dog, Archie!
No! Mommy said, "No!"
- Hi, is everything all right?
- Hi!
Oh, yes! Everything's fine.
My dog's not usually like this.
It's our dog, actually.
He's quite friendly.
I think, yeah, your cat's fine.
Just a little bit scared.
It's no problem. It's not even our cat. It
belongs to the Outlingers's down the road.
- Every dog in the neighborhood chases it.
- Every dog.
- I'm sorry about the garden.
- Don't worry about it.
- It's not gonna happen again.
- It's all right.
- Are you staying around here?
- Yes, we've rented the house next door.
- Great!
- Oh, you know Judge Hoberman?
- Maximum Dave.
- Not, not well. We met him couple of times.
- Well, I'm Pam O'Hara. This is my husband, Brian.
- Hi!
Great, I'm Gina.
This is my husband...
Chris! Chris.
It's an unusual name.
Hi, I'm Chris' son, Bill.
I'm his son from his first marriage.
- My, uh, mom's dead.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
I guess we'll be seeing
a lot more of you then.
Yes! That would be lovely.
We'd like that, wouldn't we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
We'll have drinks...
and dinner maybe.
Maybe we'll even have a party.
You know, what the hell?
- Sure.
- That'll be great.
- Really like that, wouldn't you, honey?
- Yes, that would be lovely.
We're gonna leave
you guys alone here.
- Nice to meet you and we're
gonna go home. - Good-bye.
- So long.
- See ya. Bye-bye.
- Come on, Archie.
- That's a nice mustache.
- You had that long?
- A long time. Most of my life, really.
- You had that for a while.
- Billy, please. Honey.
Okay, so, uh, we've been
here, what, five minutes?
I usually wait two or three days before I
introduce myself to the people I'm staking out.
I'm sorry, okay?
It will not happen again.
I will keep him in the house and I'm
sorry about blanking on your name.
Blanking on my name. Hello, my name
is Gina. This is my husband, duh!
- That's really not nice. Do you know that?
- Mom, Dad!
- Please don't fight in front of me. It's very upsetting.
- What, you think this is funny?
It's not my dog.
This assignment gets blown,
it's not my butt,
it's Archie's butt.
Good point.
Hello, this is Chris.
Is Mari...
Hola, es Chris.
Es Maria en casa?
Well, would you tell...
Diga Maria se llama?
Si. No, no, no.
Momento.
Um, dos, uh, cero,
uh, seis,
uh, siete, uh...
Uno, dos, tres, quatro,
cinqo, seis, siete...
- Ocho.
- Ocho.
- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.
- Okay, dos, cero, seis...
- Shut up!
- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.
Dos, cero, seis,
siete, ocho, ocho.
- Gracious.
-
Senor. Pendejo.
Cuidado.
- So what'd she say?
- She wasn't home.
- Yeah? Try work?
- She wasn't there either.
- Well, she's probably just out.
- Yeah? Where?
- Oh, shopping or something. How do I know?
- She's with another guy.
- How do you know that?
- You told me.
- Hello, I was kidding.
- I'm gonna find out.
Wait for Mommy, honey.
Good boy.
- You're acting like a madman.
- I'll be back.
- Look, we are on a job.
- I'm just gonna ask her if she's seeing somebody.
- I am telling you as a friend, don't do this.
- I'm gonna tell you as a friend,
don't do this.
No-no! No!
Wait, I need that car!
Wait a second!
Wait, wait! Wait! Wait!
Tell me about it later?
Hmm.
Sir, excuse me.
Tony, where ya goin'?
They, uh, couldn't
identify her body.
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying, without confirmation we're nervous.
- You want me to get confirmation?
- What we want is...
reassurance that the job
you were paid for... was done.
- You know she's alive?
- We don't know she isn't.
- You know the situation that puts us in.
- I'm gonna say it again.
- What are you saying? Do you want the money back?
- Tony, Tony.
You misunderstand me.
Money is not the issue here. Trust is.
That's why we came to you with this
very important piece of business.
And Tony, we have every confidence you'll
do the job that was entrusted to you.
Okay?
- Oh, makin' dinner?
- Yes, I am. Love cooking.
- Mmm, looks good.
- Thank you very much.
- It's late. Maria should be home by now.
- Maybe.
- Why don't you try calling her again?
- It's too late.
She's probably married by now.
I have to get her a gift.
Did you know she asked me
to be her maid of honor?
So... when are we gonna
invite them over for drinks?
- Ah, Bill?
- Yes, Chris?
Did I just hear you suggest that we
invite the neighbors over for drinks,
the very people that
we're here to stake out?
- Why, no, Chris. I would never do such a thing.
- Good to know, Bill!
The reason that I thought is because
it's simply a more expedient way...
of finding out whether or not
they've heard anything about Delano.
And how do you expect us
to go about doing that? I know!
Maybe we could just ask them if they
have any friends in protective custody.
It was not my idea. You happen to
be the one who invited them over.
- I did not!
- You certainly did invite them!
- Not! Not!
- You went, Yes!
- Not! Not!
- Yes! Yes! Yes, you did!
You said as clear as day, "Why
don't you come over for drinks?"
- Oh, now!
- "Maybe for dinner! Heck! Let's have a party!"
- That's what you said! Yes. Is that what he said?
- No, no, no.
- Technically yes.
- "Technically"?
You should have defended me
on the mustache thing.
I didn't mean it, okay?
I was lying!
You know, I had no intention of inviting
them over here for drinks or anything else.
Let's just put it down to the fact
that I'm a bad neighbor, all right?
As soon as they understand that,
everyone will get along fine.
- That's good. What is that?
- Hummus.
- What-us?
- Hummus.
Some sliced vegetables,
a side of hummus. A hummus-side!
Oh, that's funny.
Hello?
I can't believe you've never
seen the show before.
All right, now,
which one is "Stimpy"?
Stimpy's the cat
and Ren is the Chihuahua.
- You idiot!
- And which one is "Stinky"?
Stinky is not a regular on the show.
Stinky just appears every now and again...
Oh, so the bodily functions
don't appear every day?
No, it's like a guest-starring bodily
function. Sometimes it's rotting teeth.
- Sometimes it's farts.
- Where have I been?
You know this is the end of Western
civilization as we know it, don't you?
- I got the tap in.
- Good-bye.
Hey, I'm not just
a piece of meat, you know.
11.58 a.m.
Mrs. O'Hara goes peepee.
Do you have to go peepee?
Hmm? I bet you do.
Well, you should have thought about
that before we left for the island.
No! Chris! Don't take the car.
You'll kill
your... self!
- Nice steady stream.
No penile obstructions.
3.58 a.m.
Mr. O'Hara goes peepee.
Two peepees in one night. You people
are gonna give me high blood pressure.
What is it, Archie? What is it?
What is so important at...
Come on, Brian, Pam,
talk to me.
Is it Delano?
No, Bill,
it's not Delano.
It's diarrhea.
- You know all about diarrhea,
don't you, Arch?
I bet you get it when someone gives
you a nice big piece of chocolate.
Come here. Come here.
Oooh!
Oooh!
Get off Mommy's bed.
- Hurry up, hurry up. Come on, let's go!
- What, what?
- Do you want to be part of this stakeout or not?
- Okay.
Come on. You have got to follow him!
He might be going to meet Delano.
Let's go! And I'm injured!
Come on, take the dog!
Get the dog!
Archie!
Get up
or move over.
They had a lot to talk about
at 4:00 in the morning.
I think we should
put in a bug.
Mr. O'Hara went for a jog.
I told her to follow him.
You told her to follow him?
Call 9-1-1.
Good, Archie.
Good boy.
All right, doin'okay.
Slow down for Mommy, Archie.
All right.
Oh. Oh, God. Oh.
Archie, no.
Mommy can't go, Archie.
Archie! Archie!
Okay, good boy.
Let Mommy rest.
No, Archie!
No, not the bunny,
Archie.
No, no, Archie. Archie!
Leave the bunny!
No! No!
Aaah!
Ah!
Ah! A little
gardening action, huh?
Love that gardening action.
What have we got, peas and carrots?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Just...
There you go. Get those weeds.
Get that... Turn around.
Turn around.
Yes, get that weed.
Yes!
Yeah.
Brian's home.
No, I'll do that for you.
Ah! Oh!
Feel better, huh?
Where's Gina?
- All right, slowly.
- Okay.
- You all right?
- Yes, thank you.
- I got you.
- Okay. Ow.
Come on, Archie.
- Okay, here we go. You all right?
- Oh, yes, thank you, Frank.
- No problem.
- This ended up being such a joy.
- What happened?
- Oh, I sprained my ankle. I'm fine.
Hi, I'm Frank Sutter.
You must be Gina's father.
Yep! Yep!
That's exactly who I am.
By cracky.
Pa, Pa Kettle!
Oh, oh, my God!
I've fallen and I can't get up!
- Daddy? Stop it!
- Oh, you broke my Depends.
- Take care of that ankle. I gotta go.
- How about some lemonade?
Frank, Frank! Don't go!
You can help me eat!
- No, no, no, Frank. Frank!
- You can hold the utensil...
You spineless, selfish maggot!
Telephone.
I heard it!
Geez!
- Police work!
- Yes, I'm not deaf!
- Oh, the pain must be excruciating.
- Just shut your trap!
- I ran my ass all over town for you!
- Shush, shush, quiet!
- Hello?
- Pam? It's Kate.
- Hi! How are ya?
- Oh, not too good.
- What's the matter?
- Larry and I are getting divorced.
- I needed to talk to someone.
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.
- Are you okay? Are you at the house?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, Pam.
- Hey, don't be sorry. Where's Larry?
He left. I don't know.
I think he went to Henry's.
- Are the kids with you?
- No, they're staying with my parents for the week.
- Kate, are you and Larry still seeing that counselor?
- No.
- Oh!
- Pam, I don't want to make it work anymore.
I'm sick of making it work. Larry's
a son-of-a-bitch. And I hate him.
Will Larry and Kate stay together
or will they get divorced?
Shh, shh, shh!
Please! Larry's a pig!
Oh, and Kate's
an angel, right?
Kate is a woman; Larry is a man.
Need I say more? I rest my case.
This is really fabulous. I mean this
whole thing of being able to hear.
I feel a teeny bit guilty,
but I'm really enjoying it.
Don't go native on me...
- Aaah!
- Get down.
What? What?
Get down.
Chris!
What happened?
Somebody's out there.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
I hate this part. Chris! Bill!
- What do you see?
- I don't know!
I'm gonna circle
around back.
Cover me.
I'm taking a bath.
Hello? Hello!
Hi! I just rented the house next
door. My name is Chris Lecce.
Yeah, I saw you yesterday.
I'm Barbara Burnside.
Did you lose a baseball?
What did it break?
- A window.
- Kitchen window?
Ronnie!
Ronnie!
He always hides when he thinks he's
in for it. This is his responsibility.
It's really no big deal.
Do you mind
coming with me, please?
- Phone! Somebody get the...
Somebody get the phone!
Spread a little lovin'
and we'll keep movin'on
Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin'
when we're singing a song
Travellin' around there's
a song that we're singin'
Uh-uh
Come on, get happy
- Danny got Reuben
to sell our songs
- Somebody get the phone!
I'm sleeping!
- Yeah?
- Could I speak to Det. Lecce, please?
- Maria?
- Bill?
Yeah.
Where are you?
- I'm at my mother's.
- Chris told me what happened.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
My partner
misses you.
Is he there?
Yeah, um... Look, no matter
how much of a jerk he can be,
and believe me,
he can be a jerk, I know,
he absolutely, totally
adores you and loves you.
Listen, you don't have to tell me,
but, um... is there another guy?
Did he tell you
that was the reason?
Oh, no, no!
I just thought, maybe...
You know, I start talking
and... Forget it.
- I'll, I'll get him, okay? I'll be right back.
- Thanks.
Chris!
I don't believe this.
There's a song
that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
Hi, um...
I can't find him.
Where is he?
- I-I'll have him call you.
- Where did he go?
The funniest thing happened. This, uh,
baseball went through this window...
- and he had to take it next door because he thought...
- Bill. Bill.
No, don't bother,
okay?
Right.
Bye.
I just wanna
get some sleep!
Phone!
Telephone!
- Hi, you've reached
the O'Hara residence.
- We can't come to the phone, so please leave a message.
- They're not home.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God, they're not home.
- Where the hell are they?
- I don't know where they are! Where the hell were you?
- Where the hell were you? - I-I was
returning the baseball, that's where.
- Well, I was taking a bath. Excuse me!
- Aw, geez!
What the hell is goin' on? I was tryin'
to sleep! Can't you keep from yelling...
Here, take the equipment.
We're puttin' in a bug.
- We're puttin' in a bug.
- Putting in a bug.
Fine.
Chris!
Chris. They're coming.
Bill.
Bill!
Come on,
come on.
The bag!
They're coming.
Hi, there.
- Hi!
- Oh, look, it's, uh...
- Gina.
- Gina!
- What are you doing here?
- I just stopped by...
here...
at your house...
today to...
invite you to dinner.
I was in the shower,
in fact, and I thought to myself...
those people next door are lovely,
why not some dinner?
- Can I take that for you?
- No, no.
Please?
lt'd be my pleasure.
Yes!
Yes, isn't it great? And I was
thinking, perhaps, dinner sometime soon?
- Like, when?
- Like, uh...
I was thinking that...
Like, tonight.
- Yes.
- Yes?
Yes. Thank God. All right, then.
What's happenin', Tom?
- Do I know you?
- Not important.
- What do you want?
- I want you to get back in the car.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- Get lost.
- Whoa, wait a second. Hold it.
You're making my life
very difficult.
I need to know where she is
and you need to tell me.
You stupid
son-of-a-bitch.
What the hell are you doin' here?
Are you crazy?
We can still
get in the car.
I don't know
where the hell she is.
When I find out,
I'll call.
Good.
Thank you.
Keep the hell
away from me.
Tommy!
Just remember,
I do know where you are.
- Okay?
- Okay, uh...
I have a home security business.
I started it ten years ago.
We broke up after two years of
living together. Her name was Louise.
I have one son, Bill, by my
first marriage. She's dead.
She wanted to get married;
I didn't. We should trade.
You shouldn't
have any problem remembering this.
- Ha-ha-ha. Did you know that you
were illegitimate? - Thank God.
Now, my first wife's name
was, uh...
- Cheryl.
- Ah! Don't help me! Cheryl, it was Cheryl.
Sometimes I really
miss Mom, don't you?
Just don't take any longer
in there than you have to.
- Put the bug in and get the hell out.
- Home before midnight, Pop.
Forty-five minutes,
that's all you're gonna get.
Then I'm gonna puke on the table;
they're gonna come home.
- Forty-five minutes, check your watch.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Don't you even think of touching my hors d'oeuvres.
- Hey, stop that!
- Let me tell you something, Miss Assistant District Attorney.
- Do not use that tone with me.
If this assignment gets blown,
I want to go on record right now...
that this is the most stupid,
dim-witted, idiotic,
moronic piece of putrefied garbage that I
have ever, in my entire professional career,
ever had the displeasure
of being involved with.
- Really? And?
- Really.
Re... And I don't like the panties
hanging on the rod!
Excuse me, Detective,
but the dryer was not working.
You pathetic
Steven Seagal wanna-be.
Walkin'around all dressed in black.
You think it's funny? You're even
worse than he is, do ya know that?
You're just a flunky;
you're a sidekick.
That's what you are.
He's Fred, you're Barney.
He's Johnny Carson,
you're Ed McMahon!
- That's it!
Nobody calls me Ed McMahon!
Here is my gun,
here is my badge...
- and here is me quitting!
- Me too.
- You can't quit. Oh, yeah, right.
- Watch us.
- What are you gonna do, leave me here alone?
- Yes!
All right, I'm sorry!
I am sorry.
- Really?
- I'm sorry about this whole thing.
I'm sorry that you feel this assignment is
beneath you. I am sorry I brought my dog.
I am sorry that I was taking a bath when I
should have been watching the O'Hara's house.
But most of all...
I am sorry we are not getting along!
So if you wanna leave,
just leave!
This is not working.
You just go
and I'll cover for you.
I'll say, maybe, that one of your alarms
went off and you had to go, okay? Just go.
You think that we're gonna be
guilty and we're gonna stay.
I have a job
that I have to do...
and you guys can just decide
what's right for you to do, okay?
Oh, look at her.
She's doing the shoulder thing.
- We're bein' had, right? We're outta here!
- Absolutely.
Gina...
They're here!
I knew you guys would stay.
Bill, I want you to go in there
and put in the bug. You know why?
You're the best bugger I ever met. Chris,
we have been married for five years.
I love you;
you love me.
- This is gonna be fabulous!
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Be right there! Gotta freshen up.
- Where are you going?
- Forty-five minutes.
- Just a... Just a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. Where are you...
Jesus Christ, I can't believe
I got myself hooked into this one.
- Goddamn it. Hi!
- Hi!
- Here. Welcome.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
That's very nice. Thanks a lot.
Hi, glad to see you.
- Hi, good to see you.
- Thanks for having us.
Come on in. What would you, uh...
What would you like to drink?
- Cheryl will be down in just one second.
- Uh, Cheryl?
Cheryl. Cheryl, my, my, um...
Sorry. Cheryl is the name
of my first dead wife...
- Ah.
- Sometimes, I call Gina Cheryl.
Please, don't tell her
I said that because it's, uh...
No, not a word.
Please.
What can I get you to drink?
- Oh, uh, scotch and water for me, thanks.
- Okeydoke.
- I'll take a vodka if you've got it. Straight up?
- You got it.
- Honey? Pam and Brian are here.
- I'll be right there.
- Would you like something to drink, dear?
- I'll have the usual, honey.
The usual.
His first dead wife?
I told you I didn't wanna be here to begin
with. I hope we brought 'em cheap wine.
Dude.
Scotch and water.
And vodka straight up.
And, uh...
The usual, the usual.
Oh, Jesus.
Ah!
Gin and tonic.
Okay. Gin...
and tonic.
- Hello, how are you? Lovely of you to...
- Hi, how are you? Fine.
- Do you like chili?
- Chili?
- Yes?
- I love chili. Oh, yeah, I love it.
- All right. Here we have scotch for Brian...
- Oh, thank you.
- and a vodka straight for Pam,
- Thanks.
and a gin for Gina.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Aren't you drinking, Chris?
No, no, not anymore.
Too many funny hats.
Oh, honey, honey.
- Oh, honey. I'm...
Did I make that too strong?
- No, it's fine, thank you.
- Oh, oh, I'm really...
Honey.
- Should I try again?
- Thank you. No, no, no, sweetheart.
- Okay. Okay.
- It's fine, really.
So tell me, uh...
- Where's your son, uh... Bill.
- Bill.
- Bill! Actually, he went out for a little while.
- Bill, yes.
Yeah, he should be back
in about, um, 37 minutes.
How long have you two
lived here?
- Five years.
- Yeah, about five years.
Cute, yes.
Actually, we just spend the summer
and the weekends here.
- Oh, the summers here are incredible!
- You'll love it.
You, uh, keep a place
in the city?
- Um-hmm. Lake Washington. -
Um-hmm. We love being near the water.
- We spent ten years in Las Vegas.
- Oh!
- Vegas! Really? Honey, they're from Vegas.
- Yeah.
- Uh, would you like another drink?
- Yes.
- Pam?
- I would love one. A drink would be great.
- Honey?
- No, no. Thank you.
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
God!
You know, sometimes
it is so peaceful here that...
we... never...
Honey?
Drinks! Ha!
- Well, this certainly looks delicious.
- Thank you so much.
- Wonderful.
- Brian was telling us before that they're originally from Chicago.
- Oh, Chicago.
- Chicago.
- Oh, Chicago! We love Chicago.
- Oh, really?
Well, you can have it.
Gina, this all looks
absolutely delicious.
- Would you excuse me, please?
- Yes, honey.
- Sure.
- Sure.
The chili's fabulous.
Oh, I bet it is. It looks...
- How long have you and Chris been married?
- Five years.
- But you know Chris was married before.
- Oh, I know.
He must have started young.
Bill's, what, about late 20s?
- Thirty-two. Um-hmm.
- Thirty-two?
- How old's Chris?
- Forty-five.
Did I say 45?
- I meant 55. Chris is fifty...
- Oh!
- He's the speed limit. That's
exactly what he is. - Fifty-five!
- The big five-five.
- Yes! No kidding.
- That is amazing. I can't believe he's 55.
- Really?
- He doesn't look 55, does he?
- No, I thought he was much younger.
- Actually, it came a surprise to me, too, at first.
- I'll bet it did.
Yes, it did.
Brian, how's the chili?
- Yes, it... I'm...
- Yes?
- You must save room for meat loaf.
- Oh.
- It's armadillo.
- Yes.
- Pam? These are corn flakes.
- Yeah?
- Oh. Get outta here.
- Yes. They're corn flakes.
Not much
of an armadillo eater, but I'll try it.
No, no, Brian, it's meat loaf.
It's just shaped that way.
Bill.
Bill.
Bill?
Bill.
Oh! Oh!
Shit!
You know, Brian and I...
- have been married almost ten years.
- No!
- I can hardly believe it.
- That is just so wonderful.
- Thank you.
- You know, marriage isn't always easy.
Come on. Ours hasn't been
that bad, has it?
- Oh, honey, I wasn't talking about ours.
- Okay. All right.
- We have a couple of friends who are splitting up.
- Oh.
For the umpteenth time. I don't know
why they just don't get it over with.
I'm sure if it was that easy
they would.
- It's never that easy when kids are involved.
- Excuse me,
but it's my opinion that it's harder on the
kids when people like that stay together.
- But you have to try, honey.
- Well, of course, dear, you have to try.
They should try.
But if it's not working,
nothing they do is gonna
make it right, now is it?
Beside, Kate is a real bitch. I wouldn't
be married to her for ten seconds.
- Kate is not that bad.
- Kate is a friend of yours, and I'd rather not get into it.
Far be it for me to interrupt, however,
it's never just one person's fault, is it?
I'm sure Larry bears just
as much responsibility as Kate.
Well, excuse me, but I've known Larry
longer than the both of you.
You know
Kate and Larry?
Well, um... I don't
know them, actually, no.
You've met them?
Not exactly.
- How do you not exactly meet somebody?
- Hmm?
Oh, honey!
Ha-ha.
Oh, uh...
The bathroom faucet got all, uh...
You know, spritz me and I had
to change. So what did I miss?
Do you know
Kate and Larry Sawyer?
Kate and Larry Sawyer.
Uh, Kate and Larry Sawyer,
Kate and Larry Sawyer. Um.
Golly, honey, do I know
Kate and Larry Sawyer?
No, sweetheart, you do not
but I do in my own special way...
and, honey,
I've decided to tell them.
Oh, no. I don't think that
would be a good idea, dear.
- Yes, sweetheart, yes.
- No, no, no.
- No. No. No. No.
- Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Pam, Brian...
I have the ability
to see things.
I hate to say this.
Some people even say that I'm psychic.
It's strange. Ideas, images,
thoughts, names just pop in my head.
Just before I was thinking
Larry, Kate Sawyer.
I don't know how; I don't know
where. It's frightening, isn't it?
I can't even watch Jeopardy.
I know all the answers. It's crazy!
It scares Chris, actually.
It really does.
He doesn't like me to talk about it.
Do you, honey?
No, knock yourself out.
- Telephone!
- Telephone!
You know, I've never met anyone
who could actually do it.
- Oh, I don't do it,
it just sorta happens.
Well, I've gotta do it.
Go to the bathroom. Excuse me.
- Hello?
- Chris?
- Maria?
- You called.
Yeah.
Hold on one second.
- Are you okay?
- Fine. You?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm going back
to Veracruz.
- For how long?
- I've been offered a job.
Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Are you talking about
permanently moving?
I'm leaving Friday.
- Are you trying to kill me?
- No, I just want a life.
I want kids and I'm sick
of hearing myself ask for it.
Maria, how do I tell you that I
love you and make you believe it?
What do I say?
- Don't.
- No, no, no, just listen to me.
Maria...
l...
I wanna marry you.
Did you hear me?
I know you think I'm only saying
something that I think you wanna hear,
- but I really mean it.
- Chris, don't do it like this.
Chris, don't do it like this.
Not on the phone like this!
All right, it's not on the phone.
Bad idea, bad.
Let's, let's start again,
all right? Just...
I will do anything
I have to do.
Anything at all, no matter how hard it
is. Except it's very hard now to talk.
I want to marry you.
I wanna marry you...
tonight.
I'm willing to leave here.
We'll go to a justice of the peace.
- I gotta go.
- No, wait!
No, no, no, wait!
Aw...
I'm sensing...
you have been very stressed lately.
- Oh, you're right.
- Yes, I know, very stressed.
Something concerning...
Brian and another woman.
Yes, Pam, I feel it.
It's... a woman from his past.
- I don't know the nature of the relationship.
- Honey.
- One second. It could be sexual, it may not.
- Honey, honey. Could l...
- One second, sweetheart.
- No, no, honey.
- Honey, sweetheart, darling.
- It's someone that he... Wait.
- Yes?
- Honey, this is the first time...
the O'Haras have been over for dinner and I
think, maybe, it's not such a good idea that,
you know, they think this kind
of thing happens all the time.
- You know, you're right. I'm sorry. I really am.
- It's okay.
All right. Sweetheart,
was that Bill on the phone?
- No, just some public opinion poll.
- I knew that.
- I knew it was a public opinion poll.
- Excuse me. Pam?
Honey, I've developed a bit of a
headache and I think we should be going.
- Thanks for having us over.
- Oh, no, you haven't had dessert yet.
- No, no, no, we... No.
- Would you like some aspirin?
- Or some Motrin? Or Tylenol or Percodan?
- No. No. No.
- Honey, please, let's go.
- Honey, I told you. The psychic thing flips people out.
- Was that what happened, Pam? Was it the psychic thing?
- Oh, no!
Please, could I ask you,
just give us one more half hour.
- She's been working all day on this dessert.
- I have.
- You won't be sorry. One half hour more, okay?
- Please.
- Okay, fine.
- All right. Great!
Let's move into the living room.
It is such a pleasure to know you two.
- Shh! Shh!
- What?
I heard him at the phone.
- So?
He said that he loved her
and wanted to marry her.
I even know her name. Maria!
"Maria, I love you. Maria, I wanna
marry you." Just like the song.
- I was waitin' for him to start singin' and dancin'.
- Oh, my God.
This guy has got balls
this big.
- She calls right here, right under her nose.
- Oh!
Some psychic she is. Her own husband
is in love with a woman named Maria,
- and she doesn't even know it!
- I feel so sorry for her.
They are not psychic;
they're psychotic.
What kind of a woman makes an armadillo meat
loaf and God knows what was in those eggs.
- Pam.
- What?
I wouldn't be surprised if this guy killed
his first wife. We gotta get outta here.
- Let's go.
- No! No, no, no, we...
- Be right there!
- Knowing these two, they will bring the dessert to our house.
- Listen, we'll sit down and eat fast.
- Fast, fast! Eat fast!
- All we got's ice cream sandwiches.
- We'll tell 'em it's homemade.
- We need somethin' else.
- Reddi-Wip.
Very good. It was a good cover
with the psychic thing.
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
How'd you get all wet?
I snuck over to their house
looking for Bill.
- Yeah?
- And the sprinklers went off.
- Oh, God. Did you find him?
- No, he wasn't there.
- He wasn't there?
- No.
Give me that.
I wouldn't worry too much. We're
not gonna be invited over for dinner.
- They already think we're nuts.
- We're a perfectly normal couple. Go.
"I scream, you scream.
We all scream for ice cream."
- Great.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're really gonna like this. It's a specialty.
- Oh, honey,
- Doesn't this look great?
- Oh, yeah, looks real good.
Oh, mmm, this is wonderful. You're
gonna have to give me the recipe.
- I will.
- Okay.
Oh, it's terrific.
Mmm. Mmm!
Oh, God.
Headache, honey?
Honey, honey.
I think we'd better...
- I think we're gonna go home.
- I think it's time for us to go. Thank you very much.
- No! No, no, no!
- No, no, no.
No, no, really,
we have to go.
No, really, we... I have
an early tee time tomorrow morning.
Thanks very much
for a very interesting evening.
If you could just... If you
could just... If you could just...
Oh, the hell with this.
I'm goin' out there to find Bill.
Get your badge.
They'll never believe you're a cop.
- Oh, my God.
- Did you call the police?
- No.
- Lu, you've gotta call the police.
If I tell the police
they'll take me back to testify.
- I have to leave.
- What about him? What are you gonna do with him?
- I'll have to kill him.
- Hmm?
Brian, talk to her.
- Shut up.
Wait. Lu, wait a minute.
What do you mean? You're just gonna
kill him? That's it. You kill him?
He came here to kill me.
Shut up! Look, if he lives,
he'll tell them that you helped me.
Then they're
comin' after you.
Shut up!
Get up. Get up.
Come on.
He's probably
havin' a beer somewhere.
Shit.
Aaaaaaah!
Try anything,
I'll shoot you. Get out.
Come on, get up.
I don't see them.
Goddamn it.
Must have turned off.
- Come on, walk!
So how much was I worth, huh?
$25,000? $30,000?
Huh?
Keep going.
You shouldn't have come after me.
You just shouldn't have come.
I wasn't gonna testify.
Don't stop! You don't do
anything unless I tell you.
Maybe you're the guy
that killed Michael. Huh?
Are you? Did you kill Michael?
I bet you are,
you son-of-a-bitch!
I just bet you are.
You killed Michael, didn't you?
Now I'm gonna kill you.
Get down!
If you believe in God, you
better pray for forgiveness now.
Because you got no time left.
Watch out!
Go get Bill!
Hang on, Bill!
Ah! Okay!
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Get away
from the dock!
I'll get it!
I'm gonna get the car!
- She okay? How about you?
- Yeah.
- I'm fine. Where's Bill?
- Up there.
Ah!
Okay!
I got her!
Oo-ha!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!
This is the final boarding call
for Flight 610...
- Yep.
- They found her on one of those islands near Seattle.
Staying with some family
named O'Hara.
- She's agreed to testify, am I right?
- I don't know yet.
We just got the call
from Seattle.
Don't worry about it. I'm catching
a plane; I'm bringin' her back.
I need to know where she is right now.
Do you follow me? That woman...
That woman...
will not testify.
Yeah. I'll call
when I get there. Hey!
Hello, Tony?
Yeah.
We got work to do.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Dr. Gold, it's about Badham.
- So she's gonna be all right?
- Okay. A broken nose. She'll be fine.
Thank you very much.
Miss Delano. Am I glad to see you.
I can't tell you...
what an experience this has been
for all of us down in Las Vegas.
We were so relieved...
when we learned that they had found
you and that you were all right.
Listen, I know that this has been...
Extremely traumatic for you,
but I'm here to assure you...
that every precaution
has been taken.
- We're gonna get you home safe.
- I have to see my friends first.
Oh, the O'Hara's.
You know what?
I think it would be safer if we just
went straight from here to the airport.
They don't even know
what happened to me last night.
Well, you could
give 'em a phone call.
No, no, I'm sorry. If I decide
to go back and testify,
I want to see my friends first.
Well, I guess, uh,
- a quick side trip wouldn't do too much harm.
- Not at all.
- And I'll stay with you until you're on the plane.
- Thanks, Gina.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll let the dog out.
Will you grab my bag?
- Got it.
- Whoa.
Archie! Archie! Archie!
Archie, stop!
- Archie, come back here right now!
- Archie!
- Archie! Archie!
- Stop it, Archie! Don't...
- Come back here!
- Aw, sic 'em, Archie. Eat the cat.
So I asked her to marry me.
- Really? What'd she say?
- She hung up on me.
- You asked her on the phone?
- Yeah, I asked her on the phone.
Remember, I'm stuck on an island?
I'm at a dinner party, I can't get away.
Dumb, stupid idea.
I know. Sorry.
I'm sorry
I ruined my life.
I'm sorry the suspect
got shot by my gun.
I'm sorry the Mercedes
went into the bay.
- What about me gettin' hit?
- Sorry about that too.
- And me rollin' down the stairs?
- I'm sorry about that too.
- And my moustache?
- All right!
What are you gonna do,
blame the deficit on me?
Just... really sorry
that she walked out on me.
Dad... we still have
each other.
Humph.
A reason to live.
- Chris?
- Hmm?
They're back.
- Who?
- Gina and the woman I love.
- Cops.
- Who's the other one?
- Lawyer.
- Lawyer.
- They're going back to Vegas.
- I'm sure gonna miss her.
- Come on, let's get the hell outta here.
- Another car.
More cops,
it looks like.
- In a Mustang?
- Maybe another lawyer.
This guy's got a gun.
Not a lawyer.
She had to constantly
smear cream on herself.
I spent a week
at the Mirage. I loved it there.
Come on in. Relax a minute.
Take a look at this, will ya?
- Get down!
- Get down!
- Get down, there's a man!
- Behind the tree! He's got a gun! Get down!
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's them!
- What? What?
- Get down! Get down!
- There's a man! Get down!
- Brian, it's them! It's those guys that tried to kill me!
- What?
Everybody, get down!
No, not there! Get up here!
Do it fast!
Keep your heads down!
Police! Freeze!
The idiots are shooting at us.
Stop shooting at us, you idiots.
They think we're the bad guys.
Show 'em your badge.
- They're never gonna believe we're cops.
- Gina's there, she'll tell 'em.
Go on!
Hold it up!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you show 'em yours?
You think I'm crazy?
All right,
all right!
- Do it together. One, two, three.
- Two, three.
Don't shoot! We're cops!
Great idea.
- Can we shoot back?
- What if we kill 'em?
- What if they kill us?
- Good point.
Okay. You go,
I'll cover you.
Go!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you go, and I cover?
Because I'm already doing
the covering thing! Go on, go on!
But you're older.
You got less to live for.
- Get outta here!
- Don't shoot anybody.
- Who'd ya see?
- The same men.
- The ones from last night? Oh, my God.
- Yes.
- Stop shooting, stop shooting! They're police!
- What?
They're cops.
Det. Lecce and Reimers out of Seattle.
They're with me.
Part of the stakeout next door.
Bullshit! If they're cops, what the
hell are they shootin' at us for?
- Because you're shooting at them!
- Call for backup.
Chris, Bill, stop!
I told 'em you're cops!
Oh, shit.
- Steve. Steve! Hang in there, buddy.
- I'm all right.
- What the hell are you doing?
- Hang on, Steve.
- In the basement!
- No, no! I gotta get her outta the house!
Go!
Tommy.
You?
Jesus Christ, am I glad to see you.
I've been goin' nuts here.
- Where is she?
- She's back there. Upstairs.
It's great
workin' with you, Tom.
- You bastard.
- I'm a cop.
Run to the water. Stay by the shore.
Don't stop for anything.
- Go!
- I can't.
Go!
Jump, goddamn it!
Ow!
Throw out your gun!
Come out with your hands
above your head!
This is the police.
You're completely surrounded!
- You got ten seconds!
- No, you got ten seconds!
You kill her, we kill you.
It's that simple.
- She's a friend of yours. Want to see her die?
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
You see. She's sorry.
Now back off.
Back the hell off!
Now!
Ooo, I don't like
what you're thinkin', ace.
Cool heads, boys.
Cool heads.
Let's talk,
gentlemen.
- No talk.
- Let's trade here. What do you care?
You want her alive, right? I don't
care about her, you can have her.
But I get the other one.
I get who I came for.
She walks away and I walk away.
It works for me.
- Shoot her. I don't care. You're not walkin' out of here.
- Nobody's gonna blame you guys.
But somebody is gonna die,
I promise you that.
- Oh!
- You got a shot?
- I got a shot.
- You got nothin'!
- Take it.
- I'm takin' it. I'm gonna drop this bastard!
Listen to me. Shut up!
Let's trade here, all right?
We're runnin' outta time,
boys. Runnin' outta time.
- He got me. Did you get him?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Am I gonna live? Excellent.
- Yeah.
- Gina? Oh, my God. Is she all right?
- She'll be all right.
- Are you sure?
- She'll be all right. Yeah.
- Good dog, Arch. Good dog.
- Oh, good dog.
- You havin' a good week?
- Perfect.
- Hey.
- You hurt bad?
Nah. Winged me, clipped me. Took a
hit in the shoulder. It was nothin'.
- I'm just glad it wasn't me.
- Yeah, glad it wasn't me.
I cannot believe I'm about to say this,
but I'm actually gonna miss you guys.
- A little.
- Yeah, well, we're gonna miss you too.
- A little less.
- Thank you.
- The bad news is your dog's okay.
- I know you love him.
- We gotta go.
- I can feel you love him.
- Yeah.
- Hey, listen, if I get another assignment like this,
- how about I give you guys a call?
- No.
No? Right.
I am gonna sue for custody.
- For him? Take him. He irritates the hell out of me.
- Yes.
Hey, you were right.
I do look better without it.
That's why I shaved mine off.
Because I look better without it.
No. You shaved yours off
because you look old with it.
- How old do I look?
- You look like, uh, Santa Claus old.
- What? That's ridiculous!
- You look like a little old clockmaker.
You're even starting to smell old.
- So you wanna go get somethin' to eat?
- No, go home.
You got a wife and kids.
They miss you. I don't know why.
Why don't you come over?
You got nothin' to eat here.
No one to eat with.
You'll get lonely, depressed.
You'll start wondering
what you got to live for.
I'll have to go downtown,
identify the body.
Come on, do it for me.
It's only three stories.
I'd just hurt myself. I'll see ya.
- Okay, Dad.
- Enough with the dad thing.
Hola?
Hello, uh,
puedo hablar con Maria.
- Quien habla?
- It's Chris. Who do you thin...
Hello?
Would you marry me?
Yes.
Awww!
- Oooh!
-
Well
I don't know
what happened
How I found you, girl
I guess it was
my turn to fall
Thought I was strong
Had my feet on the ground
But your kiss, baby
turned my whole life around
Baby
So I guess that love
sweet love
Has a mind of its own
I know love, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Some people think
When love
comes their way
It's always
gonna stay around
They take it for granted
Until one day
That house of love
comes tumblin'down
Oh, just when I thought
my life was through
Out of nowhere, baby
I found you
Yeah, to prove that love
Oh yeah, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Uh-huh
I tell you love
sweet love
Has a mind of its own
It can take you to heaven
Or drive you down
on your knees
But no matter
what love puts us through
Girl, you know I wanna
share it all with you
- I wanna share it all with you, hey
- Hey, hey
There's no way to control it
It's not just our own
But it's the best thing
this world's ever known
Love, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Well
I know, I know for sure
- Love, sweet love
- Love
Yes, it has a mind
of its own
Baby,
you turn my head around
- Love, sweet love
- Love, sweet love
- Has a mind of its own
- Love's got a mind of its own
I can't control it, now
- Love, sweet love
- My love
Has a mind of its own
I can't believe
I found you, girl
Love, sweet love
Yeah, I got it.
Take it easy, Lu.
You gotta have a little faith.
Relax.
Have something to eat.
There's some more stuff
in the fridge, if you like.
- You want some coffee?
- No, I just want this to be over with.
I'm gonna lie down.
- Lu, you gonna be okay?
- Yeah.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
Thanks.
Come here, come here.
Come over here.
- You got to take it easy.
- I shouldn't have done this, Michael.
- This is insane.
- Come on, come on.
Come on, look what it's done.
I mean, look where we are.
Well, won't last forever.
Yes, it will. This is
gonna last forever.
- You don't know these people.
- Let's just get through the trial.
Then we'll get the hell out of
the country, just you and me.
- I love you.
- I love you too, kid.
I had such a great time
at the party last night.
They always get
the best caterers.
I don't know where they find them.
That food was great.
What do we have here?
- McNamara, you there?
- Yeah, we're here.
We have a septic truck
right in front of the house.
Running the plate.
"You dump it... We pump it."
- Sounds like a government job.
- Yeah.
Okay, the license plate checks out.
We have
a scheduled pump for today.
Lucky us,
or should I say, lucky you?
You may unfasten your safety belts
and rhumba around the cabin.
We have a pizza delivery this time.
Running the plate now.
- What the hell, you guys didn't order pizza, did you?
- No, it's 7:00 in the morning.
- Oh, shi...
We have a Code Red!
Ready? Now!
- Freeze! Move!
- Turn around!
I didn't do nothin'! I swear!
I swear
I didn't do nothin'!
- Hey!
- Relax!
- Is it wired?
- I don't know!
Hey, this truck's
not pumpin' out, it's pumpin' in!
- Lu, get outta the house!
- Lu, get out!
Hey, go on and get
that truck outta there!
Get that truck
outta here!
Lu, get out!
Lu! Lu!
- Out the back!
- This way! This way!
Okay, get it outta here!
Get it out!
This way! Go!
Run, Lu, run!
Lu, help!
Aaah!
Lu! Lu!
Oh, my God!
Michael!
Unbelievable!
This is...
unbelievable!
The truck was filled with gasoline.
The guy must have had a remote.
Well, he detonated
his truck.
Once they found out
where the safe house was,
it would have been easy
to find schedules.
He probably intercepted the truck
sometime before the last stop.
- We've uncovered another body.
- Where is it?
Over there.
That makes number three.
- Is this Delano or not?
- No, I don't think so.
This weapon's
police issue.
Our entire case against Costanzo
is based on Delano's testimony.
So I would really like to know
if she is alive or dead...
before I call her
to the witness stand!
I can't take this goombah into court
with a bunch of circumstantial crap!
He'll walk, just like he
walked the last two times.
Hello! This was your responsibility,
sir, and you blew it!
- Don't you dare pin this on me!
- Don't talk back to me!
Hey, listen!
This whole operation was compromised!
- Back off!
- What you people don't seem to be able to understand...
is that without
this witness, I have no case!
Now, can anyone tell me
if she is dead?
Sir, I don't
think she's one of the bodies.
- You think she survived this?
- I've looked at all the bodies we found.
None of them match
Delano's description.
Are you telling me
that she's alive?
Well, she's definitely not
one of the bodies we have.
Then where the hell is she?
- Hey.
- Loser.
- I think it's him.
- Where?
Long hair
over by the pickup.
Hey, what do ya got?
- You sure? - Son-of-a-bitch
killed my friends. Cut me bad.
- Think I'd forget?
- We got a positive I.D.
Told you not to bother me
unless it was important.
- Hope you're wearin' sun block.
- I'm a construction worker. I need rays.
He's coming in your direction.
Fatigues, glasses, long hair.
- Whoo! What have we got here?
- Hey, you jerk!
I think we should arrest him
for what he's wearing.
Yeah, he looks like he's on page 26
of Madonna's sex book.
I got him.
Think it's safe to assume
he's armed and dangerous?
- Wanna yell, "Freeze"?
- I yelled "Freeze" last time.
- Go ahead, it makes you feel better.
- No, no, no.
Hey, stay here.
No, no, you get hurt, it's my ass.
Wait, wait! Hold it!
Whoops.
Yes! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
What are you lookin' at?
Go after 'im!
No, I've seen this one before.
You go there. I'll take the back.
- He's goin' upstairs!
- Got it!
- Aah!
- Freeze! Oh!
Uh, just a hunch, but I don't think
this guy's gonna go in peacefully.
Freeze!
He's not freezing!
- Try, "Stop or I'll shoot!"
- Stop or I'll shoot!
Nope!
Anything else?
Did you say,
"Simon says"?
Watch a pro.
- Police! You're under arrest!
- Whoa!
Aaah!
Chris!
Aaah!
Yuck!
So that's how
a pro does it, huh?
Die.
Hey, wait! Wait! Whoa, whoa!
Seattle P.D., stop that truck!
Hey! Seattle P.D.!
Stop!
Stop the truck!
- Stop the truck.
- What?
My partner's
in the back.
Da-daaaa!
I'm hit!
Let's get outta here!
Son-of-a-bitch
killed my friend.
Drop it!
Mm-hmm.
Shi...
Oh, no.
Yeah, what do you want?
- Gina Garrett for the captain.
- Okay.
Gina Garrett for you.
Hey, you two!
Stinky, Reimers!
Captain's havin' a hemorrhoid.
Wants your butts
in his office A.S.A.P.
- I'm sorry, Gina Garrett, was it?
- Gina Garrett, yes.
In!
All right,
gimme a minute. I'll get back to ya.
Oh, let me guess.
Sanitation and construction.
Two of my favorites... Uh-uh-uh-uh!
Don't you dare sit in
those chairs. Either of ya.
Detective Lecce, is this the weapon
involved in the assault?
- Yes, sir, Captain, sir.
- Do we know whose weapon it is?
- Yes, Captain, sir, it's mine.
- Okay, let's get some facts straight.
Winston and I don't want Internal
Affairs pointing a finger at us,
saying that we didn't
do ourjob right.
The gun fell out of my hand because I
happened to be falling out of a window.
Witness picked it up,
shot the suspect. Sue me.
Since this is now classified
as an officer-involved shooting,
- you two won't mind a quick visit with the D.A.'s office.
- What?
- The guy was resisting arrest!
- It took the two of us to hold him down!
- He can't file charges against me!
- Really?
- The gun was falling out of my hand!
- Hey! Hey!
- Who said anything about filing charges?
- You said the D.A.'s office!
I didn't say anything. You two are
temporarily reassigned to the D.A.'s office.
- They'd like to stop by and tell you why.
- Do we get a choice?
Choice?
A handcuffed suspect?
- Good afternoon.
- Phillip. Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, this is Assistant
District Attorney Gina Garrett.
- This is Det. Chris Lecce and Det. Bill Reimers.
- Hello.
- Oh, I'm really sorry about that.
- Don't use my scarf!
- I got some spaghetti all over...
- Everything's fine.
Gentlemen, this assignment's
confidential. Don't discuss it.
Two days ago the Las Vegas D.A.
and the U.S. Department ofJustice...
asked us to help find a witness
who was gonna testify...
against the head
of a Chicago crime family.
Luella Delano was the witness.
Justice had her under protective custody
until someone blew up the safe house,
- killing several agents.
- How many are several?
Three.
Somehow she got away.
She's made no attempt to contact the Department
ofJustice or the Las Vegas D.A. since then.
- What, no postcard?
- No.
Trial begins next week.
The Feds are all worked up.
Apparently, without Delano
the government has no case.
So all leads are being followed,
including one which leads here.
Phone call Delano made to a number here in
Seattle belonging to a Brian and Pam O'Hara.
- She may be lookin' to lay low with them.
- Anybody check the O'Haras?
They left for their vacation home
on Bainbridge Island two days ago...
which makes putting them
under surveillance a little tricky.
- Stakeout.
- We heard you're good at it.
We cannot rotate surveillance teams.
You'll be on it round the clock.
I have managed to secure the house next to
the O'Haras. It belongs toJudge Hoberman.
- Maximum Dave?
- I've had to promise on my career...
that nothing would happen to his house, so
gentlemen, nothing had better happen to his house.
- So no wipin' your boogers on the sofa.
- Don't say boogers!
- It's a habit ya have to break.
- What's the matter...
Your cover is you're renting the
judge's house for a month of vacation.
As what, friends or lovers?
We think you'll be able
to pass for father and son.
What, are you kidding me?
- Uh-uh.
- Dad?
- No way! Just stop it right now.
- Papa!
- And I'll be going with you?
- Really? As my granddaughter?
- No, your wife.
- My wife?
- Your second wife actually.
- Look, boss, this is not...
Detective!
I'm the boss.
- You're the...
- Yes, Detective, I am the boss.
Okay, this is a joke, right?
Okeydoke.
I'll see ya later.
- Uh, Daddy?
- Don't start with that crap.
- I'm just practicing.
- Oh, practice your prayers, pal.
Come on, come on.
Just try calling me "son"just once.
- You're really getting off on this one. The dad thing.
- Hello, son.
The thing with the dad and the son
thing. This is a big chuckle, right?
- We have to be able to talk.
- Eat me. How's that?
Does Maria let you
talk to her like that?
I'm my own man. When you're all grown
up, you'll understand what that means.
- Hey, Ray. What are you doin'?
- Chris.
Helpin' my sister out.
Sorry, nothin' personal.
"Nothing personal"?
Maria!
- Get out!
- What the hell is going on here?
- I said, "Get out."
- I know what you said.
Then do it
and take your stuff!
Maria, talk to me.
Maria.
- Are you throwing me out?
- Yes!
- What the hell is wrong?
- Nothing your leaving won't cure.
Did I miss a couple of pages? Exactly
what is it I'm supposed to have done?
- You came home.
- I always come home. It's what I do before I go back to work.
Well, I am saving you
a trip.
Could we go back
a couple of steps?
Not that many either.
Just like last night.
Remember? I came home, we had dinner,
we made love, we went to sleep.
In the morning, I got up and went
to work. Now did I miss something?
Ooh!
I'm leaving.
When I come back, I want you gone.
No, not until
you tell me why.
Because I'm tired of wanting
something I'm not gonna get.
- You're happy. I'm not.
- Oh, Maria, we have been over this.
Don't bother, I don't want
to hear the reasons anymore.
Marriage doesn't work in my family. My
parents, my sisters, my brothers, aunts.
Everybody got divorc... If we got
married, that would be the end of this.
What do you think
this is?
- Maria. Maria, we love each other.
- Move!
Why do you want to ruin the whole
thing for a goddamn piece of paper?
Get out of my way,
you asshole!
I am not leaving.
Do you hear me? I am not leaving!
I'm willing to work this out.
I'm not leaving.
Okay, Chris.
You're right. You stay.
- What are you doing?
- Calling the police.
- Ha-ha-ha! Very funny.
- McGuire, Maria.
M-c-G-u-i-r-e.
Yes, I'd like to report
a domestic disturbance.
That's right, isn't it? I'd hate to be
wrong after living with a cop for six years.
Yes, a domestic disturbance.
I'm being held against my will.
All right. All right!
I'll marry you!
Life is too short.
I don't have much time,
so just listen.
- They don't think Delano's dead.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
- Well, then, where the hell is she?
No one knows.
She hasn't contacted anybody.
Chances are, if they find her, it
won't be until after the trial anyway.
- There's no guarantee.
- You're the guarantee, Hassrick.
Do you understand me?
It is not my fault.
It's your man.
You just find her
and you call me. Got it?
Fine. I will.
If I find out.
Hey, guys. Sit tight. I'll be
with you in a second.
So, did she tell you why
or was it just...
- You know.
- Marriage.
- Mmm.
- Mmm, commitment thing.
- So what are you afraid of?
- Advice.
Okay, guys, here it goes.
Unleaded fuel only.
Check the oil when you fill it up
and don't try and use the car phone.
Because...
We disconnected it.
I know you guys might feel a little
tempted to have some fun... Hey!
Chill! Keep your yang
in your pants.
This vehicle goes on sale
at the auction at the end of next week.
The guys upstairs expressly asked
me to ask you two not to mess it up.
You got that?
Okay.
- All right, guys, who gets
the keys? - Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
I'm the dad! This is a family car.
You'll have to beg.
- Hey!
- Whoo-ha!
Hey!
Ave...
So, what do you think?
Left or right?
Well, maybe this
won't be so bad.
We've been in worse situations
than this before, right?
Remember all that stuff
with Drooling Harry?
I told you never to mention
Drooling Harry again.
This is it.
What clown painted this place?
Archie, shut up!
I could use some help up here, please.
Help your mother.
Good boy, yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Are you nuts? Four bags?
- Oh, please, don't give me that man thing.
- No, no, no.
- This is not a man thing. This is a woman thing.
- Well, this is what I'm taking.
Fine, take the bags!
We're stayin' here.
Isn't this great? Our first fight.
Feel like a family already.
Listen, Detective,
we're supposed to be well-to-do.
I cannot do well-to-do
with one change of clothes.
So this is what I'm taking.
Open the trunk.
We could leave the bugging
equipment and recorder.
I suppose. Of course, we could
write down what they say.
Should have taken that shorthand
course. What about the cameras?
- Leave 'em. You can draw pretty well.
- Yeah.
Just need to pick up some paper and
some crayons, the big thick ones.
- Don't leave the pictures on the refrigerator...
- All right. All right.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
You cannot be paper
every time.
- There are no rules in paper, rock, scissors.
- Yes, there are.
- No, there are not.
- Yes, there are.
- Yes, there are.
- Oh, God, don't be so childish.
Good boy, sit!
- I hope you're taking him for a walk.
- He's coming with us.
- Not a chance.
- No way.
- What's the problem?
- We're on a job.
What are you afraid
he's gonna tell the neighbors?
- Put him in a kennel.
I've never put him in a kennel.
And I'm not about to start now.
He is very well trained.
He'll simply lie by the fire.
I'll take him for walks.
It doesn't get much more complicated than
that. Really. We're a family, gentlemen.
- Families have dogs.
- Not this family.
If he doesn't go,
I don't go.
Archie! Up!
Don't make any sudden movements. He's
trained. He's not that well trained.
So what do you think,
I should marry her?
It's only a stakeout, Chris.
It'll be over in a couple of days.
Maria!
I'm talking about Maria.
If you're asking me, I think you
should have married her six years ago.
- Hmm, I was too young.
- How about now?
- I'm, I'm too old!
- Or maybe you're too late.
Did you ever think the reason she dumped you
was maybe because she's seein' another guy?
- If she was seein' somebody else, I'd know.
- Maybe!
No maybe.
I would know, all right?
If she was seein'
somebody else, I'd know.
Yeah, you're right. Beautiful girl
like her dumps you for a younger guy.
That could never happen.
Look at me, I've been married for
eight years. I have two wonderful kids.
I'm happy, still in love and not a
grey hair on my head. Now look at you.
- Have I done something to offend you?
- Do you love her?
- Yes! I love her.
- Then marry her! Commit to her.
You're not gonna find
a better woman than Maria.
Looks like
our time is up.
- How much do I owe you?
- Oh, this stuff don't come cheap.
- Two, three bucks?
- Three. Thank you.
Excuse me.
I don't mean to interrupt.
Listen, I know that you feel
this assignment is beneath you.
Perhaps because I'm a woman, maybe because
I'm not a cop. It doesn't really matter.
The fact is, I'm really not
as bad as you think I am.
I'm hoping you're not
as bad as I think you are.
- He is.
- Look, you just do what you do and we'll do what we do.
- Okay? It really doesn't get anymore complicated than that.
- Fine.
That's fine. I've prepared our backgrounds in
case we come into contact with our neighbors.
We need to have a cohesive story.
I've tried to keep it simple.
Chris,
what's this word?
- "The."
- Oh, yeah.
There is one more thing. I think
that Bill should shave his mustache.
Excuse me?
Your mustache. It would make you look a lot
younger and you are supposed to be Chris' son.
- Forget it!
- I really think it would be more convincing.
I don't think you understand the
relationship a man has with his facial hair.
Oh, please! I am not asking you
to cut off your penis.
- Maybe you'd like to try!
- Don't be ridiculous.
I have had this mustache for 13
years! How long have you had yours?
Man's relationship
with his facial hair, eh?
- How's it goin'?
- I'm not talking to you. You took her side.
This is the second marriage
for you and the first for me, Chris.
- What happened to my first wife?
- Your first wife is dead.
- Hmm, great.
- You think this is stupid, don't you?
You have any idea what's
really goin' on here?
You know what a stakeout is all
about? You sit, you listen, you watch.
That's it.
You don't participate.
You don't go over and borrow a cup of
sugar and you don't bake them cookies.
- That about covers it.
- You know, Bill, you look a lot younger.
I look 12 years old!
- It's so beautiful.
- That one's ours.
Not bad, Pop.
Archie, stay.
Thank you, Bill.
- You are unbelievable.
- I'm an innocent guy.
You want me
to carry you across the threshold?
No, we've been married
for five years. The thrill is gone.
Look at that view.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
Oh, look at these antiques.
My God, it must be worth a fortune!
Oh, I want to be a judge!
Hey, it's Stickley!
Stickley's my favorite.
Stickley's our favorite!
This is fine-quality furniture, gentlemen.
Could you please be careful with your fingers?
- Pretty good.
- Better here.
See everybody
comin'and goin'.
Looks good to me.
Archie?
Oh, no. Archie, boy!
Archie!
Oh, Lord.
Oh, no, Archie! Archie!
No, boy! Archie!
- Mommy said, "No!"Archie!
- Oh, stop, it's gone.
- Will you forget about it?
- I miss it! Okay?
He's headin' next door!
Archie!
Archie! No, Archie!
No! Archie!
No!
Come back here, Archie!
Archie!
No, Archie!
Wait for Mommy!
Archie!
Shoot the dog!
No! Bad dog, Archie!
No! Mommy said, "No!"
- Hi, is everything all right?
- Hi!
Oh, yes! Everything's fine.
My dog's not usually like this.
It's our dog, actually.
He's quite friendly.
I think, yeah, your cat's fine.
Just a little bit scared.
It's no problem. It's not even our cat. It
belongs to the Outlingers's down the road.
- Every dog in the neighborhood chases it.
- Every dog.
- I'm sorry about the garden.
- Don't worry about it.
- It's not gonna happen again.
- It's all right.
- Are you staying around here?
- Yes, we've rented the house next door.
- Great!
- Oh, you know Judge Hoberman?
- Maximum Dave.
- Not, not well. We met him couple of times.
- Well, I'm Pam O'Hara. This is my husband, Brian.
- Hi!
Great, I'm Gina.
This is my husband...
Chris! Chris.
It's an unusual name.
Hi, I'm Chris' son, Bill.
I'm his son from his first marriage.
- My, uh, mom's dead.
- Oh.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
I guess we'll be seeing
a lot more of you then.
Yes! That would be lovely.
We'd like that, wouldn't we?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
We'll have drinks...
and dinner maybe.
Maybe we'll even have a party.
You know, what the hell?
- Sure.
- That'll be great.
- Really like that, wouldn't you, honey?
- Yes, that would be lovely.
We're gonna leave
you guys alone here.
- Nice to meet you and we're
gonna go home. - Good-bye.
- So long.
- See ya. Bye-bye.
- Come on, Archie.
- That's a nice mustache.
- You had that long?
- A long time. Most of my life, really.
- You had that for a while.
- Billy, please. Honey.
Okay, so, uh, we've been
here, what, five minutes?
I usually wait two or three days before I
introduce myself to the people I'm staking out.
I'm sorry, okay?
It will not happen again.
I will keep him in the house and I'm
sorry about blanking on your name.
Blanking on my name. Hello, my name
is Gina. This is my husband, duh!
- That's really not nice. Do you know that?
- Mom, Dad!
- Please don't fight in front of me. It's very upsetting.
- What, you think this is funny?
It's not my dog.
This assignment gets blown,
it's not my butt,
it's Archie's butt.
Good point.
Hello, this is Chris.
Is Mari...
Hola, es Chris.
Es Maria en casa?
Well, would you tell...
Diga Maria se llama?
Si. No, no, no.
Momento.
Um, dos, uh, cero,
uh, seis,
uh, siete, uh...
Uno, dos, tres, quatro,
cinqo, seis, siete...
- Ocho.
- Ocho.
- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.
- Okay, dos, cero, seis...
- Shut up!
- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.
Dos, cero, seis,
siete, ocho, ocho.
- Gracious.
-
Senor. Pendejo.
Cuidado.
- So what'd she say?
- She wasn't home.
- Yeah? Try work?
- She wasn't there either.
- Well, she's probably just out.
- Yeah? Where?
- Oh, shopping or something. How do I know?
- She's with another guy.
- How do you know that?
- You told me.
- Hello, I was kidding.
- I'm gonna find out.
Wait for Mommy, honey.
Good boy.
- You're acting like a madman.
- I'll be back.
- Look, we are on a job.
- I'm just gonna ask her if she's seeing somebody.
- I am telling you as a friend, don't do this.
- I'm gonna tell you as a friend,
don't do this.
No-no! No!
Wait, I need that car!
Wait a second!
Wait, wait! Wait! Wait!
Tell me about it later?
Hmm.
Sir, excuse me.
Tony, where ya goin'?
They, uh, couldn't
identify her body.
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying, without confirmation we're nervous.
- You want me to get confirmation?
- What we want is...
reassurance that the job
you were paid for... was done.
- You know she's alive?
- We don't know she isn't.
- You know the situation that puts us in.
- I'm gonna say it again.
- What are you saying? Do you want the money back?
- Tony, Tony.
You misunderstand me.
Money is not the issue here. Trust is.
That's why we came to you with this
very important piece of business.
And Tony, we have every confidence you'll
do the job that was entrusted to you.
Okay?
- Oh, makin' dinner?
- Yes, I am. Love cooking.
- Mmm, looks good.
- Thank you very much.
- It's late. Maria should be home by now.
- Maybe.
- Why don't you try calling her again?
- It's too late.
She's probably married by now.
I have to get her a gift.
Did you know she asked me
to be her maid of honor?
So... when are we gonna
invite them over for drinks?
- Ah, Bill?
- Yes, Chris?
Did I just hear you suggest that we
invite the neighbors over for drinks,
the very people that
we're here to stake out?
- Why, no, Chris. I would never do such a thing.
- Good to know, Bill!
The reason that I thought is because
it's simply a more expedient way...
of finding out whether or not
they've heard anything about Delano.
And how do you expect us
to go about doing that? I know!
Maybe we could just ask them if they
have any friends in protective custody.
It was not my idea. You happen to
be the one who invited them over.
- I did not!
- You certainly did invite them!
- Not! Not!
- You went, Yes!
- Not! Not!
- Yes! Yes! Yes, you did!
You said as clear as day, "Why
don't you come over for drinks?"
- Oh, now!
- "Maybe for dinner! Heck! Let's have a party!"
- That's what you said! Yes. Is that what he said?
- No, no, no.
- Technically yes.
- "Technically"?
You should have defended me
on the mustache thing.
I didn't mean it, okay?
I was lying!
You know, I had no intention of inviting
them over here for drinks or anything else.
Let's just put it down to the fact
that I'm a bad neighbor, all right?
As soon as they understand that,
everyone will get along fine.
- That's good. What is that?
- Hummus.
- What-us?
- Hummus.
Some sliced vegetables,
a side of hummus. A hummus-side!
Oh, that's funny.
Hello?
I can't believe you've never
seen the show before.
All right, now,
which one is "Stimpy"?
Stimpy's the cat
and Ren is the Chihuahua.
- You idiot!
- And which one is "Stinky"?
Stinky is not a regular on the show.
Stinky just appears every now and again...
Oh, so the bodily functions
don't appear every day?
No, it's like a guest-starring bodily
function. Sometimes it's rotting teeth.
- Sometimes it's farts.
- Where have I been?
You know this is the end of Western
civilization as we know it, don't you?
- I got the tap in.
- Good-bye.
Hey, I'm not just
a piece of meat, you know.
11.58 a.m.
Mrs. O'Hara goes peepee.
Do you have to go peepee?
Hmm? I bet you do.
Well, you should have thought about
that before we left for the island.
No! Chris! Don't take the car.
You'll kill
your... self!
- Nice steady stream.
No penile obstructions.
3.58 a.m.
Mr. O'Hara goes peepee.
Two peepees in one night. You people
are gonna give me high blood pressure.
What is it, Archie? What is it?
What is so important at...
Come on, Brian, Pam,
talk to me.
Is it Delano?
No, Bill,
it's not Delano.
It's diarrhea.
- You know all about diarrhea,
don't you, Arch?
I bet you get it when someone gives
you a nice big piece of chocolate.
Come here. Come here.
Oooh!
Oooh!
Get off Mommy's bed.
- Hurry up, hurry up. Come on, let's go!
- What, what?
- Do you want to be part of this stakeout or not?
- Okay.
Come on. You have got to follow him!
He might be going to meet Delano.
Let's go! And I'm injured!
Come on, take the dog!
Get the dog!
Archie!
Get up
or move over.
They had a lot to talk about
at 4:00 in the morning.
I think we should
put in a bug.
Mr. O'Hara went for a jog.
I told her to follow him.
You told her to follow him?
Call 9-1-1.
Good, Archie.
Good boy.
All right, doin'okay.
Slow down for Mommy, Archie.
All right.
Oh. Oh, God. Oh.
Archie, no.
Mommy can't go, Archie.
Archie! Archie!
Okay, good boy.
Let Mommy rest.
No, Archie!
No, not the bunny,
Archie.
No, no, Archie. Archie!
Leave the bunny!
No! No!
Aaah!
Ah!
Ah! A little
gardening action, huh?
Love that gardening action.
What have we got, peas and carrots?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Just...
There you go. Get those weeds.
Get that... Turn around.
Turn around.
Yes, get that weed.
Yes!
Yeah.
Brian's home.
No, I'll do that for you.
Ah! Oh!
Feel better, huh?
Where's Gina?
- All right, slowly.
- Okay.
- You all right?
- Yes, thank you.
- I got you.
- Okay. Ow.
Come on, Archie.
- Okay, here we go. You all right?
- Oh, yes, thank you, Frank.
- No problem.
- This ended up being such a joy.
- What happened?
- Oh, I sprained my ankle. I'm fine.
Hi, I'm Frank Sutter.
You must be Gina's father.
Yep! Yep!
That's exactly who I am.
By cracky.
Pa, Pa Kettle!
Oh, oh, my God!
I've fallen and I can't get up!
- Daddy? Stop it!
- Oh, you broke my Depends.
- Take care of that ankle. I gotta go.
- How about some lemonade?
Frank, Frank! Don't go!
You can help me eat!
- No, no, no, Frank. Frank!
- You can hold the utensil...
You spineless, selfish maggot!
Telephone.
I heard it!
Geez!
- Police work!
- Yes, I'm not deaf!
- Oh, the pain must be excruciating.
- Just shut your trap!
- I ran my ass all over town for you!
- Shush, shush, quiet!
- Hello?
- Pam? It's Kate.
- Hi! How are ya?
- Oh, not too good.
- What's the matter?
- Larry and I are getting divorced.
- I needed to talk to someone.
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.
- Are you okay? Are you at the house?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, Pam.
- Hey, don't be sorry. Where's Larry?
He left. I don't know.
I think he went to Henry's.
- Are the kids with you?
- No, they're staying with my parents for the week.
- Kate, are you and Larry still seeing that counselor?
- No.
- Oh!
- Pam, I don't want to make it work anymore.
I'm sick of making it work. Larry's
a son-of-a-bitch. And I hate him.
Will Larry and Kate stay together
or will they get divorced?
Shh, shh, shh!
Please! Larry's a pig!
Oh, and Kate's
an angel, right?
Kate is a woman; Larry is a man.
Need I say more? I rest my case.
This is really fabulous. I mean this
whole thing of being able to hear.
I feel a teeny bit guilty,
but I'm really enjoying it.
Don't go native on me...
- Aaah!
- Get down.
What? What?
Get down.
Chris!
What happened?
Somebody's out there.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
I hate this part. Chris! Bill!
- What do you see?
- I don't know!
I'm gonna circle
around back.
Cover me.
I'm taking a bath.
Hello? Hello!
Hi! I just rented the house next
door. My name is Chris Lecce.
Yeah, I saw you yesterday.
I'm Barbara Burnside.
Did you lose a baseball?
What did it break?
- A window.
- Kitchen window?
Ronnie!
Ronnie!
He always hides when he thinks he's
in for it. This is his responsibility.
It's really no big deal.
Do you mind
coming with me, please?
- Phone! Somebody get the...
Somebody get the phone!
Spread a little lovin'
and we'll keep movin'on
Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin'
when we're singing a song
Travellin' around there's
a song that we're singin'
Uh-uh
Come on, get happy
- Danny got Reuben
to sell our songs
- Somebody get the phone!
I'm sleeping!
- Yeah?
- Could I speak to Det. Lecce, please?
- Maria?
- Bill?
Yeah.
Where are you?
- I'm at my mother's.
- Chris told me what happened.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
My partner
misses you.
Is he there?
Yeah, um... Look, no matter
how much of a jerk he can be,
and believe me,
he can be a jerk, I know,
he absolutely, totally
adores you and loves you.
Listen, you don't have to tell me,
but, um... is there another guy?
Did he tell you
that was the reason?
Oh, no, no!
I just thought, maybe...
You know, I start talking
and... Forget it.
- I'll, I'll get him, okay? I'll be right back.
- Thanks.
Chris!
I don't believe this.
There's a song
that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
Hi, um...
I can't find him.
Where is he?
- I-I'll have him call you.
- Where did he go?
The funniest thing happened. This, uh,
baseball went through this window...
- and he had to take it next door because he thought...
- Bill. Bill.
No, don't bother,
okay?
Right.
Bye.
I just wanna
get some sleep!
Phone!
Telephone!
- Hi, you've reached
the O'Hara residence.
- We can't come to the phone, so please leave a message.
- They're not home.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God, they're not home.
- Where the hell are they?
- I don't know where they are! Where the hell were you?
- Where the hell were you? - I-I was
returning the baseball, that's where.
- Well, I was taking a bath. Excuse me!
- Aw, geez!
What the hell is goin' on? I was tryin'
to sleep! Can't you keep from yelling...
Here, take the equipment.
We're puttin' in a bug.
- We're puttin' in a bug.
- Putting in a bug.
Fine.
Chris!
Chris. They're coming.
Bill.
Bill!
Come on,
come on.
The bag!
They're coming.
Hi, there.
- Hi!
- Oh, look, it's, uh...
- Gina.
- Gina!
- What are you doing here?
- I just stopped by...
here...
at your house...
today to...
invite you to dinner.
I was in the shower,
in fact, and I thought to myself...
those people next door are lovely,
why not some dinner?
- Can I take that for you?
- No, no.
Please?
lt'd be my pleasure.
Yes!
Yes, isn't it great? And I was
thinking, perhaps, dinner sometime soon?
- Like, when?
- Like, uh...
I was thinking that...
Like, tonight.
- Yes.
- Yes?
Yes. Thank God. All right, then.
What's happenin', Tom?
- Do I know you?
- Not important.
- What do you want?
- I want you to get back in the car.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- Get lost.
- Whoa, wait a second. Hold it.
You're making my life
very difficult.
I need to know where she is
and you need to tell me.
You stupid
son-of-a-bitch.
What the hell are you doin' here?
Are you crazy?
We can still
get in the car.
I don't know
where the hell she is.
When I find out,
I'll call.
Good.
Thank you.
Keep the hell
away from me.
Tommy!
Just remember,
I do know where you are.
- Okay?
- Okay, uh...
I have a home security business.
I started it ten years ago.
We broke up after two years of
living together. Her name was Louise.
I have one son, Bill, by my
first marriage. She's dead.
She wanted to get married;
I didn't. We should trade.
You shouldn't
have any problem remembering this.
- Ha-ha-ha. Did you know that you
were illegitimate? - Thank God.
Now, my first wife's name
was, uh...
- Cheryl.
- Ah! Don't help me! Cheryl, it was Cheryl.
Sometimes I really
miss Mom, don't you?
Just don't take any longer
in there than you have to.
- Put the bug in and get the hell out.
- Home before midnight, Pop.
Forty-five minutes,
that's all you're gonna get.
Then I'm gonna puke on the table;
they're gonna come home.
- Forty-five minutes, check your watch.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Don't you even think of touching my hors d'oeuvres.
- Hey, stop that!
- Let me tell you something, Miss Assistant District Attorney.
- Do not use that tone with me.
If this assignment gets blown,
I want to go on record right now...
that this is the most stupid,
dim-witted, idiotic,
moronic piece of putrefied garbage that I
have ever, in my entire professional career,
ever had the displeasure
of being involved with.
- Really? And?
- Really.
Re... And I don't like the panties
hanging on the rod!
Excuse me, Detective,
but the dryer was not working.
You pathetic
Steven Seagal wanna-be.
Walkin'around all dressed in black.
You think it's funny? You're even
worse than he is, do ya know that?
You're just a flunky;
you're a sidekick.
That's what you are.
He's Fred, you're Barney.
He's Johnny Carson,
you're Ed McMahon!
- That's it!
Nobody calls me Ed McMahon!
Here is my gun,
here is my badge...
- and here is me quitting!
- Me too.
- You can't quit. Oh, yeah, right.
- Watch us.
- What are you gonna do, leave me here alone?
- Yes!
All right, I'm sorry!
I am sorry.
- Really?
- I'm sorry about this whole thing.
I'm sorry that you feel this assignment is
beneath you. I am sorry I brought my dog.
I am sorry that I was taking a bath when I
should have been watching the O'Hara's house.
But most of all...
I am sorry we are not getting along!
So if you wanna leave,
just leave!
This is not working.
You just go
and I'll cover for you.
I'll say, maybe, that one of your alarms
went off and you had to go, okay? Just go.
You think that we're gonna be
guilty and we're gonna stay.
I have a job
that I have to do...
and you guys can just decide
what's right for you to do, okay?
Oh, look at her.
She's doing the shoulder thing.
- We're bein' had, right? We're outta here!
- Absolutely.
Gina...
They're here!
I knew you guys would stay.
Bill, I want you to go in there
and put in the bug. You know why?
You're the best bugger I ever met. Chris,
we have been married for five years.
I love you;
you love me.
- This is gonna be fabulous!
- Wait, wait, wait.
- Be right there! Gotta freshen up.
- Where are you going?
- Forty-five minutes.
- Just a... Just a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. Where are you...
Jesus Christ, I can't believe
I got myself hooked into this one.
- Goddamn it. Hi!
- Hi!
- Here. Welcome.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
That's very nice. Thanks a lot.
Hi, glad to see you.
- Hi, good to see you.
- Thanks for having us.
Come on in. What would you, uh...
What would you like to drink?
- Cheryl will be down in just one second.
- Uh, Cheryl?
Cheryl. Cheryl, my, my, um...
Sorry. Cheryl is the name
of my first dead wife...
- Ah.
- Sometimes, I call Gina Cheryl.
Please, don't tell her
I said that because it's, uh...
No, not a word.
Please.
What can I get you to drink?
- Oh, uh, scotch and water for me, thanks.
- Okeydoke.
- I'll take a vodka if you've got it. Straight up?
- You got it.
- Honey? Pam and Brian are here.
- I'll be right there.
- Would you like something to drink, dear?
- I'll have the usual, honey.
The usual.
His first dead wife?
I told you I didn't wanna be here to begin
with. I hope we brought 'em cheap wine.
Dude.
Scotch and water.
And vodka straight up.
And, uh...
The usual, the usual.
Oh, Jesus.
Ah!
Gin and tonic.
Okay. Gin...
and tonic.
- Hello, how are you? Lovely of you to...
- Hi, how are you? Fine.
- Do you like chili?
- Chili?
- Yes?
- I love chili. Oh, yeah, I love it.
- All right. Here we have scotch for Brian...
- Oh, thank you.
- and a vodka straight for Pam,
- Thanks.
and a gin for Gina.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Aren't you drinking, Chris?
No, no, not anymore.
Too many funny hats.
Oh, honey, honey.
- Oh, honey. I'm...
Did I make that too strong?
- No, it's fine, thank you.
- Oh, oh, I'm really...
Honey.
- Should I try again?
- Thank you. No, no, no, sweetheart.
- Okay. Okay.
- It's fine, really.
So tell me, uh...
- Where's your son, uh... Bill.
- Bill.
- Bill! Actually, he went out for a little while.
- Bill, yes.
Yeah, he should be back
in about, um, 37 minutes.
How long have you two
lived here?
- Five years.
- Yeah, about five years.
Cute, yes.
Actually, we just spend the summer
and the weekends here.
- Oh, the summers here are incredible!
- You'll love it.
You, uh, keep a place
in the city?
- Um-hmm. Lake Washington. -
Um-hmm. We love being near the water.
- We spent ten years in Las Vegas.
- Oh!
- Vegas! Really? Honey, they're from Vegas.
- Yeah.
- Uh, would you like another drink?
- Yes.
- Pam?
- I would love one. A drink would be great.
- Honey?
- No, no. Thank you.
Bill?
Bill?
Bill?
God!
You know, sometimes
it is so peaceful here that...
we... never...
Honey?
Drinks! Ha!
- Well, this certainly looks delicious.
- Thank you so much.
- Wonderful.
- Brian was telling us before that they're originally from Chicago.
- Oh, Chicago.
- Chicago.
- Oh, Chicago! We love Chicago.
- Oh, really?
Well, you can have it.
Gina, this all looks
absolutely delicious.
- Would you excuse me, please?
- Yes, honey.
- Sure.
- Sure.
The chili's fabulous.
Oh, I bet it is. It looks...
- How long have you and Chris been married?
- Five years.
- But you know Chris was married before.
- Oh, I know.
He must have started young.
Bill's, what, about late 20s?
- Thirty-two. Um-hmm.
- Thirty-two?
- How old's Chris?
- Forty-five.
Did I say 45?
- I meant 55. Chris is fifty...
- Oh!
- He's the speed limit. That's
exactly what he is. - Fifty-five!
- The big five-five.
- Yes! No kidding.
- That is amazing. I can't believe he's 55.
- Really?
- He doesn't look 55, does he?
- No, I thought he was much younger.
- Actually, it came a surprise to me, too, at first.
- I'll bet it did.
Yes, it did.
Brian, how's the chili?
- Yes, it... I'm...
- Yes?
- You must save room for meat loaf.
- Oh.
- It's armadillo.
- Yes.
- Pam? These are corn flakes.
- Yeah?
- Oh. Get outta here.
- Yes. They're corn flakes.
Not much
of an armadillo eater, but I'll try it.
No, no, Brian, it's meat loaf.
It's just shaped that way.
Bill.
Bill.
Bill?
Bill.
Oh! Oh!
Shit!
You know, Brian and I...
- have been married almost ten years.
- No!
- I can hardly believe it.
- That is just so wonderful.
- Thank you.
- You know, marriage isn't always easy.
Come on. Ours hasn't been
that bad, has it?
- Oh, honey, I wasn't talking about ours.
- Okay. All right.
- We have a couple of friends who are splitting up.
- Oh.
For the umpteenth time. I don't know
why they just don't get it over with.
I'm sure if it was that easy
they would.
- It's never that easy when kids are involved.
- Excuse me,
but it's my opinion that it's harder on the
kids when people like that stay together.
- But you have to try, honey.
- Well, of course, dear, you have to try.
They should try.
But if it's not working,
nothing they do is gonna
make it right, now is it?
Beside, Kate is a real bitch. I wouldn't
be married to her for ten seconds.
- Kate is not that bad.
- Kate is a friend of yours, and I'd rather not get into it.
Far be it for me to interrupt, however,
it's never just one person's fault, is it?
I'm sure Larry bears just
as much responsibility as Kate.
Well, excuse me, but I've known Larry
longer than the both of you.
You know
Kate and Larry?
Well, um... I don't
know them, actually, no.
You've met them?
Not exactly.
- How do you not exactly meet somebody?
- Hmm?
Oh, honey!
Ha-ha.
Oh, uh...
The bathroom faucet got all, uh...
You know, spritz me and I had
to change. So what did I miss?
Do you know
Kate and Larry Sawyer?
Kate and Larry Sawyer.
Uh, Kate and Larry Sawyer,
Kate and Larry Sawyer. Um.
Golly, honey, do I know
Kate and Larry Sawyer?
No, sweetheart, you do not
but I do in my own special way...
and, honey,
I've decided to tell them.
Oh, no. I don't think that
would be a good idea, dear.
- Yes, sweetheart, yes.
- No, no, no.
- No. No. No. No.
- Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Pam, Brian...
I have the ability
to see things.
I hate to say this.
Some people even say that I'm psychic.
It's strange. Ideas, images,
thoughts, names just pop in my head.
Just before I was thinking
Larry, Kate Sawyer.
I don't know how; I don't know
where. It's frightening, isn't it?
I can't even watch Jeopardy.
I know all the answers. It's crazy!
It scares Chris, actually.
It really does.
He doesn't like me to talk about it.
Do you, honey?
No, knock yourself out.
- Telephone!
- Telephone!
You know, I've never met anyone
who could actually do it.
- Oh, I don't do it,
it just sorta happens.
Well, I've gotta do it.
Go to the bathroom. Excuse me.
- Hello?
- Chris?
- Maria?
- You called.
Yeah.
Hold on one second.
- Are you okay?
- Fine. You?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm going back
to Veracruz.
- For how long?
- I've been offered a job.
Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Are you talking about
permanently moving?
I'm leaving Friday.
- Are you trying to kill me?
- No, I just want a life.
I want kids and I'm sick
of hearing myself ask for it.
Maria, how do I tell you that I
love you and make you believe it?
What do I say?
- Don't.
- No, no, no, just listen to me.
Maria...
l...
I wanna marry you.
Did you hear me?
I know you think I'm only saying
something that I think you wanna hear,
- but I really mean it.
- Chris, don't do it like this.
Chris, don't do it like this.
Not on the phone like this!
All right, it's not on the phone.
Bad idea, bad.
Let's, let's start again,
all right? Just...
I will do anything
I have to do.
Anything at all, no matter how hard it
is. Except it's very hard now to talk.
I want to marry you.
I wanna marry you...
tonight.
I'm willing to leave here.
We'll go to a justice of the peace.
- I gotta go.
- No, wait!
No, no, no, wait!
Aw...
I'm sensing...
you have been very stressed lately.
- Oh, you're right.
- Yes, I know, very stressed.
Something concerning...
Brian and another woman.
Yes, Pam, I feel it.
It's... a woman from his past.
- I don't know the nature of the relationship.
- Honey.
- One second. It could be sexual, it may not.
- Honey, honey. Could l...
- One second, sweetheart.
- No, no, honey.
- Honey, sweetheart, darling.
- It's someone that he... Wait.
- Yes?
- Honey, this is the first time...
the O'Haras have been over for dinner and I
think, maybe, it's not such a good idea that,
you know, they think this kind
of thing happens all the time.
- You know, you're right. I'm sorry. I really am.
- It's okay.
All right. Sweetheart,
was that Bill on the phone?
- No, just some public opinion poll.
- I knew that.
- I knew it was a public opinion poll.
- Excuse me. Pam?
Honey, I've developed a bit of a
headache and I think we should be going.
- Thanks for having us over.
- Oh, no, you haven't had dessert yet.
- No, no, no, we... No.
- Would you like some aspirin?
- Or some Motrin? Or Tylenol or Percodan?
- No. No. No.
- Honey, please, let's go.
- Honey, I told you. The psychic thing flips people out.
- Was that what happened, Pam? Was it the psychic thing?
- Oh, no!
Please, could I ask you,
just give us one more half hour.
- She's been working all day on this dessert.
- I have.
- You won't be sorry. One half hour more, okay?
- Please.
- Okay, fine.
- All right. Great!
Let's move into the living room.
It is such a pleasure to know you two.
- Shh! Shh!
- What?
I heard him at the phone.
- So?
He said that he loved her
and wanted to marry her.
I even know her name. Maria!
"Maria, I love you. Maria, I wanna
marry you." Just like the song.
- I was waitin' for him to start singin' and dancin'.
- Oh, my God.
This guy has got balls
this big.
- She calls right here, right under her nose.
- Oh!
Some psychic she is. Her own husband
is in love with a woman named Maria,
- and she doesn't even know it!
- I feel so sorry for her.
They are not psychic;
they're psychotic.
What kind of a woman makes an armadillo meat
loaf and God knows what was in those eggs.
- Pam.
- What?
I wouldn't be surprised if this guy killed
his first wife. We gotta get outta here.
- Let's go.
- No! No, no, no, we...
- Be right there!
- Knowing these two, they will bring the dessert to our house.
- Listen, we'll sit down and eat fast.
- Fast, fast! Eat fast!
- All we got's ice cream sandwiches.
- We'll tell 'em it's homemade.
- We need somethin' else.
- Reddi-Wip.
Very good. It was a good cover
with the psychic thing.
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
How'd you get all wet?
I snuck over to their house
looking for Bill.
- Yeah?
- And the sprinklers went off.
- Oh, God. Did you find him?
- No, he wasn't there.
- He wasn't there?
- No.
Give me that.
I wouldn't worry too much. We're
not gonna be invited over for dinner.
- They already think we're nuts.
- We're a perfectly normal couple. Go.
"I scream, you scream.
We all scream for ice cream."
- Great.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're really gonna like this. It's a specialty.
- Oh, honey,
- Doesn't this look great?
- Oh, yeah, looks real good.
Oh, mmm, this is wonderful. You're
gonna have to give me the recipe.
- I will.
- Okay.
Oh, it's terrific.
Mmm. Mmm!
Oh, God.
Headache, honey?
Honey, honey.
I think we'd better...
- I think we're gonna go home.
- I think it's time for us to go. Thank you very much.
- No! No, no, no!
- No, no, no.
No, no, really,
we have to go.
No, really, we... I have
an early tee time tomorrow morning.
Thanks very much
for a very interesting evening.
If you could just... If you
could just... If you could just...
Oh, the hell with this.
I'm goin' out there to find Bill.
Get your badge.
They'll never believe you're a cop.
- Oh, my God.
- Did you call the police?
- No.
- Lu, you've gotta call the police.
If I tell the police
they'll take me back to testify.
- I have to leave.
- What about him? What are you gonna do with him?
- I'll have to kill him.
- Hmm?
Brian, talk to her.
- Shut up.
Wait. Lu, wait a minute.
What do you mean? You're just gonna
kill him? That's it. You kill him?
He came here to kill me.
Shut up! Look, if he lives,
he'll tell them that you helped me.
Then they're
comin' after you.
Shut up!
Get up. Get up.
Come on.
He's probably
havin' a beer somewhere.
Shit.
Aaaaaaah!
Try anything,
I'll shoot you. Get out.
Come on, get up.
I don't see them.
Goddamn it.
Must have turned off.
- Come on, walk!
So how much was I worth, huh?
$25,000? $30,000?
Huh?
Keep going.
You shouldn't have come after me.
You just shouldn't have come.
I wasn't gonna testify.
Don't stop! You don't do
anything unless I tell you.
Maybe you're the guy
that killed Michael. Huh?
Are you? Did you kill Michael?
I bet you are,
you son-of-a-bitch!
I just bet you are.
You killed Michael, didn't you?
Now I'm gonna kill you.
Get down!
If you believe in God, you
better pray for forgiveness now.
Because you got no time left.
Watch out!
Go get Bill!
Hang on, Bill!
Ah! Okay!
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
Get away
from the dock!
I'll get it!
I'm gonna get the car!
- She okay? How about you?
- Yeah.
- I'm fine. Where's Bill?
- Up there.
Ah!
Okay!
I got her!
Oo-ha!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!
This is the final boarding call
for Flight 610...
- Yep.
- They found her on one of those islands near Seattle.
Staying with some family
named O'Hara.
- She's agreed to testify, am I right?
- I don't know yet.
We just got the call
from Seattle.
Don't worry about it. I'm catching
a plane; I'm bringin' her back.
I need to know where she is right now.
Do you follow me? That woman...
That woman...
will not testify.
Yeah. I'll call
when I get there. Hey!
Hello, Tony?
Yeah.
We got work to do.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Dr. Gold, it's about Badham.
- So she's gonna be all right?
- Okay. A broken nose. She'll be fine.
Thank you very much.
Miss Delano. Am I glad to see you.
I can't tell you...
what an experience this has been
for all of us down in Las Vegas.
We were so relieved...
when we learned that they had found
you and that you were all right.
Listen, I know that this has been...
Extremely traumatic for you,
but I'm here to assure you...
that every precaution
has been taken.
- We're gonna get you home safe.
- I have to see my friends first.
Oh, the O'Hara's.
You know what?
I think it would be safer if we just
went straight from here to the airport.
They don't even know
what happened to me last night.
Well, you could
give 'em a phone call.
No, no, I'm sorry. If I decide
to go back and testify,
I want to see my friends first.
Well, I guess, uh,
- a quick side trip wouldn't do too much harm.
- Not at all.
- And I'll stay with you until you're on the plane.
- Thanks, Gina.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll let the dog out.
Will you grab my bag?
- Got it.
- Whoa.
Archie! Archie! Archie!
Archie, stop!
- Archie, come back here right now!
- Archie!
- Archie! Archie!
- Stop it, Archie! Don't...
- Come back here!
- Aw, sic 'em, Archie. Eat the cat.
So I asked her to marry me.
- Really? What'd she say?
- She hung up on me.
- You asked her on the phone?
- Yeah, I asked her on the phone.
Remember, I'm stuck on an island?
I'm at a dinner party, I can't get away.
Dumb, stupid idea.
I know. Sorry.
I'm sorry
I ruined my life.
I'm sorry the suspect
got shot by my gun.
I'm sorry the Mercedes
went into the bay.
- What about me gettin' hit?
- Sorry about that too.
- And me rollin' down the stairs?
- I'm sorry about that too.
- And my moustache?
- All right!
What are you gonna do,
blame the deficit on me?
Just... really sorry
that she walked out on me.
Dad... we still have
each other.
Humph.
A reason to live.
- Chris?
- Hmm?
They're back.
- Who?
- Gina and the woman I love.
- Cops.
- Who's the other one?
- Lawyer.
- Lawyer.
- They're going back to Vegas.
- I'm sure gonna miss her.
- Come on, let's get the hell outta here.
- Another car.
More cops,
it looks like.
- In a Mustang?
- Maybe another lawyer.
This guy's got a gun.
Not a lawyer.
She had to constantly
smear cream on herself.
I spent a week
at the Mirage. I loved it there.
Come on in. Relax a minute.
Take a look at this, will ya?
- Get down!
- Get down!
- Get down, there's a man!
- Behind the tree! He's got a gun! Get down!
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's them!
- What? What?
- Get down! Get down!
- There's a man! Get down!
- Brian, it's them! It's those guys that tried to kill me!
- What?
Everybody, get down!
No, not there! Get up here!
Do it fast!
Keep your heads down!
Police! Freeze!
The idiots are shooting at us.
Stop shooting at us, you idiots.
They think we're the bad guys.
Show 'em your badge.
- They're never gonna believe we're cops.
- Gina's there, she'll tell 'em.
Go on!
Hold it up!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you show 'em yours?
You think I'm crazy?
All right,
all right!
- Do it together. One, two, three.
- Two, three.
Don't shoot! We're cops!
Great idea.
- Can we shoot back?
- What if we kill 'em?
- What if they kill us?
- Good point.
Okay. You go,
I'll cover you.
Go!
Wait a minute.
Why don't you go, and I cover?
Because I'm already doing
the covering thing! Go on, go on!
But you're older.
You got less to live for.
- Get outta here!
- Don't shoot anybody.
- Who'd ya see?
- The same men.
- The ones from last night? Oh, my God.
- Yes.
- Stop shooting, stop shooting! They're police!
- What?
They're cops.
Det. Lecce and Reimers out of Seattle.
They're with me.
Part of the stakeout next door.
Bullshit! If they're cops, what the
hell are they shootin' at us for?
- Because you're shooting at them!
- Call for backup.
Chris, Bill, stop!
I told 'em you're cops!
Oh, shit.
- Steve. Steve! Hang in there, buddy.
- I'm all right.
- What the hell are you doing?
- Hang on, Steve.
- In the basement!
- No, no! I gotta get her outta the house!
Go!
Tommy.
You?
Jesus Christ, am I glad to see you.
I've been goin' nuts here.
- Where is she?
- She's back there. Upstairs.
It's great
workin' with you, Tom.
- You bastard.
- I'm a cop.
Run to the water. Stay by the shore.
Don't stop for anything.
- Go!
- I can't.
Go!
Jump, goddamn it!
Ow!
Throw out your gun!
Come out with your hands
above your head!
This is the police.
You're completely surrounded!
- You got ten seconds!
- No, you got ten seconds!
You kill her, we kill you.
It's that simple.
- She's a friend of yours. Want to see her die?
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
You see. She's sorry.
Now back off.
Back the hell off!
Now!
Ooo, I don't like
what you're thinkin', ace.
Cool heads, boys.
Cool heads.
Let's talk,
gentlemen.
- No talk.
- Let's trade here. What do you care?
You want her alive, right? I don't
care about her, you can have her.
But I get the other one.
I get who I came for.
She walks away and I walk away.
It works for me.
- Shoot her. I don't care. You're not walkin' out of here.
- Nobody's gonna blame you guys.
But somebody is gonna die,
I promise you that.
- Oh!
- You got a shot?
- I got a shot.
- You got nothin'!
- Take it.
- I'm takin' it. I'm gonna drop this bastard!
Listen to me. Shut up!
Let's trade here, all right?
We're runnin' outta time,
boys. Runnin' outta time.
- He got me. Did you get him?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Am I gonna live? Excellent.
- Yeah.
- Gina? Oh, my God. Is she all right?
- She'll be all right.
- Are you sure?
- She'll be all right. Yeah.
- Good dog, Arch. Good dog.
- Oh, good dog.
- You havin' a good week?
- Perfect.
- Hey.
- You hurt bad?
Nah. Winged me, clipped me. Took a
hit in the shoulder. It was nothin'.
- I'm just glad it wasn't me.
- Yeah, glad it wasn't me.
I cannot believe I'm about to say this,
but I'm actually gonna miss you guys.
- A little.
- Yeah, well, we're gonna miss you too.
- A little less.
- Thank you.
- The bad news is your dog's okay.
- I know you love him.
- We gotta go.
- I can feel you love him.
- Yeah.
- Hey, listen, if I get another assignment like this,
- how about I give you guys a call?
- No.
No? Right.
I am gonna sue for custody.
- For him? Take him. He irritates the hell out of me.
- Yes.
Hey, you were right.
I do look better without it.
That's why I shaved mine off.
Because I look better without it.
No. You shaved yours off
because you look old with it.
- How old do I look?
- You look like, uh, Santa Claus old.
- What? That's ridiculous!
- You look like a little old clockmaker.
You're even starting to smell old.
- So you wanna go get somethin' to eat?
- No, go home.
You got a wife and kids.
They miss you. I don't know why.
Why don't you come over?
You got nothin' to eat here.
No one to eat with.
You'll get lonely, depressed.
You'll start wondering
what you got to live for.
I'll have to go downtown,
identify the body.
Come on, do it for me.
It's only three stories.
I'd just hurt myself. I'll see ya.
- Okay, Dad.
- Enough with the dad thing.
Hola?
Hello, uh,
puedo hablar con Maria.
- Quien habla?
- It's Chris. Who do you thin...
Hello?
Would you marry me?
Yes.
Awww!
- Oooh!
-
Well
I don't know
what happened
How I found you, girl
I guess it was
my turn to fall
Thought I was strong
Had my feet on the ground
But your kiss, baby
turned my whole life around
Baby
So I guess that love
sweet love
Has a mind of its own
I know love, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Some people think
When love
comes their way
It's always
gonna stay around
They take it for granted
Until one day
That house of love
comes tumblin'down
Oh, just when I thought
my life was through
Out of nowhere, baby
I found you
Yeah, to prove that love
Oh yeah, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Uh-huh
I tell you love
sweet love
Has a mind of its own
It can take you to heaven
Or drive you down
on your knees
But no matter
what love puts us through
Girl, you know I wanna
share it all with you
- I wanna share it all with you, hey
- Hey, hey
There's no way to control it
It's not just our own
But it's the best thing
this world's ever known
Love, sweet love
Has a mind of its own
Well
I know, I know for sure
- Love, sweet love
- Love
Yes, it has a mind
of its own
Baby,
you turn my head around
- Love, sweet love
- Love, sweet love
- Has a mind of its own
- Love's got a mind of its own
I can't control it, now
- Love, sweet love
- My love
Has a mind of its own
I can't believe
I found you, girl
Love, sweet love