Anuvahood (2011) Movie Script

So, what you saying?
You gonna do it, yeah?
Yeah, it's on.
I'm hearing he's been
talking about you. Gassing.
Saying how he par'd you off.
Can't let man violate you like that.
You feel me, fam?
- Fuck this. Can't we move to him?
- Forget the hype.
Come, we roll over there
and let's see what's good.
Fuck this. Come,
we gonna go and do this, blud.
Yeah, I'm on it.
(Sirens blaring)
Cos if I see him, fam, I'll move to you
straightaway, fam. No long ting.
Hey, cous, I see you
another day in the club, fam.
- Yo, fam!
- One second, fam. What you want?
What you mean, blud? You trying
to take me for some dickhead, man?
I ain't having it, blud,
you hear me? See me...
- (Laughter)
- Dickhead.
Hey, cous! Hey, cous! You know
who tried to move to me, fam?
Kenneth. Yeah, that little idiot, fam.
- He's a dickhead.
- Dickhead.
Yo, what time you finishing work?
You all right, blud?
Told you not to chill with them.
- They don't like you. You all right?
- I'm cool, man.
That was a punch, though, boy.
Bam! You went flying, boy!
- Let me see your face.
- Get off me, man!
What are you doing?
Why are you here lying on the floor?
You were meant to start work
ten minutes ago.
- You're here sleeping on the floor.
- I'm not sleeping, man.
I don't know
who you think you are, Kenneth,
but I'm not going to have you
disrespecting my authority.
I want you to get to work now.
- If you keep messing me around...
- You'll what?
- Know what? Burn your job, blud!
- Sorry?
Man's on big tings out here, rudeboy.
Oh, here we go again.
Mr. Kenneth O'Sullivan Fletcher.
The next Nappy from N-Dubz.
Somehow I can't see it.
- Is that your full name, blud?
- My name is K.
- K Laimsbury's.
- Shut your mouth, you butters sket!
If you think I'm gonna be working here
for the rest of my life, you must be mad.
- I'm gone. I'm on big tings, blud.
- Wasteman!
You're the flippin waste, people, man.
You get me?
You lot keep stacking boxes, yeah,
while I start stacking dough!
What, you're gonna become
a baker now, are you? Ha-ha-ha-ha.
- What you doing, blud?
- It was the baker line that got me.
Listen, Russell, you don't know me.
- Man's a big man.
- Big man!
What, you think all I do is work here,
blud? Are you stupid, blud?
- I handle next business, blud.
- What business, blud?
Shut up, man. Come, we kick.
You know, this music industry thing
is not gonna work for you.
I've been there.
One, two, three, four!
You know, go on! Go, you losers.
Everybody, what you looking at?
What business you got?
Don't worry, man.
It's a big man's ting, innit?
What's going on, blud?
I've come here to collect, fam.
- Come to collect what?
- My P, innit?
Your P? What, we got
a urine sample of yours?
I'm talking money, man. Euros, dollars,
wonga. My spondoolie, fam.
You on drugs?
- Is this a flipping joke or something?
- Don't they know who you are, blud?
Of course they know who I am. It's just
a little joke that we do, you get me?
I got the biggest-selling mix tape
in this place, man.
I pay his rent, you get me?
"Feel The Pain".
Feel the pain! Oh! Feel the pain!
Oh! Feel the pain...
Oi. Can you stop humping
my counter, please?
That's the name of the mix tape,
innit? "Feel The Pain".
Oh, is it? "Feel the pain", yes?
Yeah, I brought it in two months ago.
Sale or return.
- Right. "Feel The Pain", yeah?
- Yeah.
No, we haven't sold any.
- What? Not even one, blud?
- You tryna jingle me, innit?
If you haven't sold any, yeah,
then where are my CDs, huh?
Hold on, there's four missing here.
See, I knew you'd try it, you know?
Trying to tell me you haven't sold any.
My mix tape's in hot demand.
- Hot demand.
- You owe me some money, blud.
Here's one. Tell you what.
I'll give you three quid.
Look at the state of this shit, man.
I should smash up your shop, blud.
- I'll smash it up, you know.
- Smash it up! Bomb it, rudeboy!
You'll do what?
Bumbaclot...
Just give me my 3, please.
(Pound coins clinking)
Thanks.
Come, we kick, man.
Thanks.
So, what we doing now, man?
Where you on?
I'm going back to the hood, innit?
Shit, let's go.
Somebody put some music
In my food for me...
See what I'm saying, yeah?
Reggae, reggae sauce
- Hot reggae, reggae sauce...
- (Screaming)
(Sirens blaring)
( TINIE TEMPAH: "Pass Out")
Yeah, yeah, we bring the stars out
We bring the women
And the cars and the cards out
Lets have a toast, a celebration
Get a glass out
And we can do this until we pass out
Let it rain
- Let it pour away
- Yeah
We won't come down
Until we hit the ground
- Yeah, yeah
- And pass out
I'm in charge now
I'm a star
And I bought my fucking cast out
I live a very very very wild lifestyle
Heidi and Audrina, eat your heart out
I used to listen to you
Don't wanna bring arms out
I got so many clothes
I keeps 'em in my aunt's house
Disturbing London baby
We about to branch out
Soon I'll be the king
Like Prince Charles' child
Yeah, yeah
And there ain't nobody fresher
Semester to semester
Ravin' with the freshers
20 light bulbs around my table
And my dresser
CLC Kompressor
Just in case that don't impress her
Say hello to Dexter
Say hello to Uncle Fester
Got them gazing at my necklace...
There was no gal!
Haters
I can't fuckin' hear your reception
Yeah, yeah, we bring the stars out
We bring the women
And the cars and the cards out...
- Booty spray. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Oh, my God!
- What?
- Uh!
Let it rain
Let it pour away
We won't come down
(TJ) Big Mike, blud!
He's a proper bad man, innit?
- One day, blud.
- One day, fam.
You've never even been round
to fix my flaming window!
You couldn't fix the crack in my arse!
Oh, I've had enough!
What ya mean? What ya mean?
Your mom
What ya mean? What ya mean?
Fat ting
What ya mean? What ya mean?
Slim ting...
What did I tell you
about this shit, man?
- Let me have a Fruitella, blud.
- No.
- Yo! K! All right!
- Just keep walking.
I ain't got time for this.
Blud, come on, hear me out. What
you saying, TJ? Are you cool, yeah?
- I'm cool, blud.
- Lend me a pound or something.
- I just bought a Magnum.
- You better run. Hey, listen!
- You owe me a tenner.
- I don't owe you nothing, man.
Hear me out, man! Real talk.
Real talk, fam.
Listen, I see your mum, innit?
Blud, don't talk about my mum.
- I see your mum in Netto's, fam.
- Shut up.
Listen. So, she was like
"What you saying, Craig?"
I was like "I'm cool, Pauline,
are you cool, yeah?"
Yeah. So, anyway, we's at the till,
right? And she started going like this.
Going this, you get me? No wallet!
No word of a lie, blud!
I'm telling you she had no wallet!
So, man like me,
I sponsored that rudeboy.
I sponsored that! You get me, fam?
She was like, afterwards, she said,
"Go and get your money from my son."
And I know. I know, fam. I know
you are the only son in the family.
You know that, innit? He told you, innit?
- Right, so you owe me a tenner.
- Oi! Shut the fuck up!
Always outside my house
making fucking noise! You dickhead!
Just cos I'm some crackhead,
don't take me for a fool, you know!
Suck ya mom!
Oi! Taneesha! Oi! Where's my P?
Hey, blud, tell your dad
to allow it, man.
- I swear down that's not my dad, blud.
- Whatever, man.
Taneesha! Come on, Taneesha!
What we on, then, blud?
I don't know about you, blud,
but I'm going yard.
And, no, fam, you can't reach.
Brmm!
Oh, this is a real beauty, this one.
I can't wait to show Kenneth.
Looks lovely, darling. How about
you come and have something to eat?
I can't stop now.
Brian babe, you've been working all day.
You got to eat something.
I'm cooking your favourite,
spaghetti hoops.
Oh, you do spoil me.
All right, then. I love you.
- Love you too.
- Love you more.
- Love you more.
- I love you more.
- Wagwon, Mumsy.
- You're an idiot, Kenneth.
Oi, Mum man,
don't talk to me like that, man.
Seriously, Mum man, I told you
stop talking to me like that, innit?
What you wearing? Don't tell me
you actually walk around like that.
What? It's fashion, man. Swagger, innit?
Whatever. Did you speak
to Russell about that advance?
- I need that money for tomorrow.
- Nah, I left, innit?
You done what?
I left, innit? I'm on bigger tings
than that. You know that, Mum man.
Bigger tings? Bloody bigger tings?
I was relying on that!
- How could you do that?
- Ah, allow it, Mum man.
No, I won't bloody allow it,
you flipping moron!
- I'm not a moron, all right?
- (Brian) Is that you, Kenneth?
Come and have a look
at my Supermarine Spitfire.
I don't wanna see
your wasteman plane, Dad.
Don't you dare speak
to your dad like that.
You're the only waste round here.
Waste of bloody space,
that's what you are.
I mean, look at you.
You could never be like your dad.
Your dad was suave, he had style.
Slot you right in there, just like that.
He had his pick of the women.
I'll tell you.
Your dad was a true player in his day.
You? Wasteman. I mean, when was
the last time you had a girlfriend?
When have you ever
brought a girl round here?
Have you even lost your virginity,
Kenneth? No, I don't think so.
Oh, I mean your dad really knew
how to turn a woman on.
There was this one night
we were on the kitchen table.
- Ah, allow it, Mum man!
- He knew how to put his back into it.
I don't want to hear this, Mum, all right?
- Perfect.
- (Pauline) Yeah, I loved your dad!
You've got no drive, that's your problem.
But I'll tell you something.
You can't just live here for free.
Life ain't like that.
You don't just get things
handed to you.
- How can you just walk out on your job?
- Russell's coming to man on a hype!
Idiot! We're skint. What am I supposed
to do now? They'll be here tomorrow.
Know how much we owe them bailiffs?
- Well, it's not my fault, is it?
- No? Where's my bloody rent money?
You ain't given me shit
for the last three months!
- You're a moron.
- I told you I'm not a moron.
What is this, Mum man?
Why you always picking on me for?
You got something against me
or something?
You don't talk to Lily like this. You don't
ask Lily for no rent. It's not right, man.
Lily is seven, you pathetic waste
of space! I tell you something!
You go back and see Russell, and you
beg for your job back for all I care!
Mum, you're mental.
Russell's an idiot, man.
There's no way I'm going back there.
Bun that.
Oh, you will, Kenneth, you will!
- (Door shuts)
- Fucking prick.
( KANO: "Ps & Qs")
What's going on, blud?
Hmm.
Some manners don't like me
They try and badmouth me
when Kano comes to town...
What, blud?
Are you chatting to me, fam?
Are you chatting to me, blud? Cos
there's no one else here, you know, G.
So, that means you must be
chatting about me, blud! Dah! Dah!
Yeah, that's right, babes.
Yeah, my name's K.
K, K.
Whah! Whah! Whah! Whah!
Let me see your phone, blud. What?
I will take that phone, you know, blud.
Trust me, I am badman out here.
You get me?
Oh...
Hadouken! Hadouken!
Bad man. Feel the pain. Uh!
You better feel the pain. Uh!
Allow me, allow me, mm-mm,
so a man get rowdy.
- (Hamster squeaks)
- Yeah.
Good stuff right there, blud.
That's my balls right there.
Big boy's balls, you get me?
Dizzee Rascal
ain't got nothing on me, fam.
Hmm.
One, two! Yo, yo.
I'm a bad man like K
And I get bear girls, man, I'm not gay
So I just told man, feel the pain
You will get bear girl
Yo, come again like yo
I'm a bad man like K
and I get bear girls, man, I'm not gay
I just told man, feel the pain
You will get bear punches to the brain
I jack a man on a bus or a train
And I draw bear beanies all day
Draw for a ting
and let a boy get sprayed
Ooh, it's a hype hype thing
Hype hype thing, hype hype thing
Everybody's hype hype
Hype hype hype
Yo, come again, come again
Yo, it's hype hype ting, hype hype ting
Everybody's hyping, hyping, hyping
Hype hype ting
Hype hype ting
Everybody's hyping, hyping, yo
Make a man draw for a ting
It's a hype hype thing...
- What are you doing, Kenneth?
- Aah! What the fuck, man?
What you doing in my room, man?
Get out, man.
And I told you, call me K, all right?
My name is K.
Your name's Kenneth, you fool,
and Mum told me to bring your food up.
(Sucking teeth) Then put it on my desk,
then, innit, rudegirl?
- Is this your lyric book, K?
- What? Come here, man! Come here!
(Music playing)
- You're not allowed in my room!
- Shut up.
- Mum!
- Shut your mouth, man.
What you laughing at, huh? I swear to
God, man, you fools better recognise.
- You're the fool. You're the fool.
- You're the fool. You're the fool.
- You're the fool.
- Just shut your mouth, man!
You're the fool!
Even Mum says you're the fool!
You're the one doing all this.
You can't MC, fool.
What? Are you dumb? Man is a topboy
MC out here, man. Give me my book.
I said give me my book.
You're lucky I don't hurt you, you know.
True say I think your sister's kinda buff
so I'll allow you, innit?
My sister don't like you.
What?
What? She said that, yeah?
Whatever, man!
Your sister's butters anyway, man.
Probably got at least two babyfathers
by now, you get me? Sket.
You see me, yeah?
Man a badman out here, boy!
You're a loser, K.
Why don't you just get a life or a girl?
All right.
- (Hawks)
- Mum!
You have got a message
You've got a message, message
You have got a message
You've got a message...
(Knock at door)
(Knocking)
Pauline! You all right, darling?
- What do you want?
- What do we want?
Now, that's a silly question.
Ain't that a silly question, Dal?
- Sounds quite silly to me, Tel.
- Assessment.
Got to value up your goods for later,
and I love it!
Exciting stuff, Tel.
Wankers.
(Pauline) But you're not even
supposed to be here till five.
I just love seeing your beautiful face,
Pauline. Always so happy.
- Ray of sunshine, ain't she, Dal?
- Beautiful, Tel.
Look, I just need a bit more time.
I can get you the money, just not today.
Look, please. I'm trying my best.
You can't keep coming around here
harassing me. I've got young kids.
(K) Yo, Mumsy, man's out of here.
Yeah, bless one.
Don't sound that young to me.
What is he? What, a black kid, is it?
Must be hard looking after someone
else's kid. Couldn't do it myself.
All right, that's it.
I want you out of here now. Get out!
No problem, darling,
but we will be back, five o'clock sharp,
and I'm coming round here
to collect your stuff.
And to be honest, I'm getting a hard-on
just thinking about it.
- What about you, Dal?
- Well, not really, Tel.
- Well, I am.
- Right, go on! Piss off!
Yeah.
It's the most beautiful day.
And did you know, Edward,
this postcode was voted most
outstanding and up-and-coming area
by "Time Out" in the summer?
What about that, hm?
The Goonbred Estate.
- I think it adds character...
- No, Patricia, it does not add character.
A 13-year-old girl
came up to me last week
and addressed me as "Oi, My Size".
- Hm? "Oi My Size", Patricia.
- What is wrong with you, Edward?
I know you're not happy about it
but you'll just have to live with it.
- He is family.
- Oh, balls, he's family, Patricia!
But last summer it was all right to spend
our whole summer holidays with them.
Yes, because I didn't realise
we'd be asked to take in his damn
silly fool of a son for four months.
I don't like him.
I can't understand a word he says.
He's here!
(Spanish accent) First of all, I would
just like to say that my family and I
are very grateful to you
for letting me to stay in your house.
- Oh, it's nothing.
- I am very much looking forward
to being inside of your family.
Patricia.
I have to say that...
that you are looking even more beautiful
than the last time we were together.
Your hair looks wonderful, it's like a...
it's like a waterfall that cascades
on to your shoulders.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Well, I hope you're happy, Patricia.
I have a migraine. We have no pills.
- Get your own bloody pills.
- Under no circumstances!
- You go and get my pills!
- Please, sir! I will do this for you.
- I will go now.
- Oh.
I don't believe this.
I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
Edward, what...
Most up-and-coming area of London?
What's the worst
that could happen, Patricia?
How you mean,
you run out of Fruitellas, man?
(Shopkeeper) Look, there is no more
bloody Fruitellas! No more, man!
But there's hundreds of sweets here!
Kitty Kat, Twix, Mars Bar, Snickers.
- Why you want bloody Fruitellas?
- Because I like them, innit?
Why you asking me for, blud?
It's a badman sweet! You get me?
- Blud, if you not buy, leave!
- This shop's anything, man. I'm gone.
- Dickhead.
- Hey, you are the real dickhead!
Please leave now!
And tell your dad
we have the latest edition of BBC
bird-hunter magazine he asked for.
2.99. Hey! 2.99.
Make sure you tell him, Kenneth.
My name is K, OK? My name is K.
K, my arse.
Leave!
Fucking Fruitellas. Put tuh!
Idiot man.
- What? What you looking at, blud?
- Sorry, what did you say?
Blud, what is it? Is it beef, blud?
Cos I'm on this ting, fam, I swear down.
- Pardon?
- Don't be trying it, fam.
Forget what you might have heard.
Better know I'm on this ting. Real talk.
No gassing. You don't even
know who I am, do you?
Er... no, I just move here.
What? Well, how come
I don't know about you, then?
Er... I don't know. I come to London
for to study English for four months.
That is my new house over there.
What? What, you live there, yeah?
Yes, I, er... I just moved here today.
- What, you know Big Mike?
- Who? Er... Mike?
Er... no. My name is
Enrique Estabn de la Fuente.
K.
K?
OK. It's nice to meet you, K. You know,
you seem like a nice person, K.
I wonder if perhaps you could
help me with my studies.
You know, show me the, um...
the real London.
Yeah. Yeah, why not, blud?
Man can do that still.
( Ringtone plays)
See, personally, blud,
I like my eggs runny, yeah?
But not too runny.
You wanna the balance right.
You don't want the yellow shit
going everywhere.
- You get me, fam?
- Yes.
- You not eating that, blud?
- No, I... I'm no hungry.
Boy, I'll eat it. Pass it.
Waste not, want not.
Oh, yeah.
Mm. Mm, mm, mm.
What you doing, blud?
What, you write lyrics, too, yeah?
Er... no, it's my... it's my journal.
It's sort of like a... like a diary
of my deepest thoughts and feelings.
- Do you have one?
- Nah, man.
Blud, I've been looking for you
for ages, man!
What's going on, man?
I've been trying to call you, fam!
My phone was off. Have a chip.
No, I don't want a chip, man!
Who's this, blud?
- This is my younger, innit?
- I never seen him before!
Blud, you don't know who I roll with,
man. I ain't always with you, man.
But we don't go caff no more, blud!
The last time we went caf
was your birthday, blud, remember?
I bought you the mega platter
full breakfast ting, blud!
That's what I just had, blud. Peng!
Come like man's birthday out here, boy.
Shabba denaya! Mama denaya!
Oh, my ten days, blud!
Oh, my gosh!
What, is that how it is now, yeah?
What, you want to go caf
with the next man now, yeah?
OK, who is this guy, man?
- His name's, er... His name's, er...
- Enrique Estabn de la Fuente.
That's it, blud. Enrique.
That's my boy right there, Enrique.
En-flipping-rique, En-flipping-rique?
Blud, we used to go hard, man!
- I always go hard!
- Hard, hard, hard, hard...
Come, we go, man.
Hard, hard, hard, hard
Hard, hard, hard, hard
Hard, hard, hard, hard...
Bye.
Huh!
See, I know you're new round here,
blud, so I'm gonna show you my bits.
Man's gonna take you under my wing.
Think of me like a big bird, fam.
- Like the one in "Sesame Street"?
- Allow it, man.
Can't you see I'm educating out here?
So, listen, Henros, yeah?
I'm gonna show you my family.
The one thing about family
is you gotta have each other's back,
no matter what.
- It's a badman ting out here.
- Badman ting. Rudeboy.
- Good afternoon, Kenneth.
- Afternoon, Mrs Dennison.
See us, man, roll deep.
You see it? Big tings agwarn, blud.
Now I'm gonna show you the mandem.
Trust me, rudeboy,
it's a movement ting all day, fam.
Movement ting, blud!
Move out of the way!
Blud, this is dead, man.
What are we on?
How do you know
this yoot's not a fed, blud?
Look at his crep, blud? Look at his crep.
Shut up, TJ, man.
I've been through this.
His name is Enrico
and he's my new younger.
This is anything, K, man.
I ain't never heard of no Enrico.
Well, you have now, innit?
Perhaps I should be going home now.
Just kotch, blud.
The day ain't even started yet, man.
Whatever! I'm gonna go link a ting.
- You ain't even got no tings, fam.
- I got more links than you, blud.
- Lesoi, who got more links, fam?
- Don't get me involved, fam.
- Lesoi, who gets more links, fam?
- Bookie, innit?
(Sniggers)
You don't know. You can't even see
through those squinted eyes of yours.
- Oi, TJ. Tell him, blud.
- Hajima.
- Shut your mouth, man.
- My eye.
I ain't gonna lie, Bookie. K blatantly
gets more girls than you, G!
Whatever, TJ, man.
Why do you always do this, man?
Definitely
some homo business going on.
Oi! Oi, listen!
I told you I am not gay, all right?
- Hiya, Kenneth!
- Hi, Kenneth! How's your mum?
- Yeah, she's cool, man.
- Tell her I said hi, yeah?
- Will do.
- Bye!
Goodbye!
Bwoy! I'm not saying nothing, rudeboy!
I am not saying nothing. Wow.
(Laughing)
I don't know them. They just
see my mum in the shop, innit?
I get girls, all right?
You know I get girls, man.
I'll draw any girl here, you get me?
Show me a ting, yeah?
And I will draw it.
(Squeaking)
- Oh, well. Come, we kick, man.
- Hold up, blud. Draw that.
Hey, I saw you walking past me
The other day...
Dios mo,
that girl is... very beautiful.
Shabba denaya! That girl is peng!
What was you saying, blud?
Draw anything, yeah?
Turned me on...
What, her? She ain't even all that,
man. Peng tings only out here.
- Shook yoot.
- I am not a shook yoot.
Don't worry, blud,
you're looking sharp today still.
(Sniffs) Shut up, man.
Enrique, you might wanna
take your journal out.
I'm about to show you,
man, how to get a woman.
- Oi. Remix!
- (Music plays)
Mina mina mysize!
About, you get more tings than me.
(Sniffs) All right. Cool.
Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm so...
I'm so sorry to bother you, yeah?
I was just hoping maybe
I could have a quick word.
Sorry about the shouting. I was just in
front of my boys and I got a little hype.
- It's cool.
- Can I ask your name?
- It's Persia.
- Like the car.
- Wow, that's a real beautiful name.
- Thank you. So, can I ask you yours?
It's K. So, er... where you off to,
looking all smart?
Oh, I just had a job interview
round the corner.
Blud, is she on it?
Go on, fam-a-lam, you can do it!
If you get a second interview,
then maybe you could give me a call
and maybe I could go through
some interview techniques with you.
You know, give you a hand.
Interview techniques?
You make me laugh.
Well, then, K, I guess
I'd better take your number, then.
Yeah?
Yeah, why not?
You seem like a nice guy.
I am nice, twice as nice,
nice with a lickle bit of spice.
Sorry?
Nah, I'm just saying, innit?
I do music, innit? I do this.
See them man over there?
They're my boys and all, yeah.
But trust me when I tell you none of
them know how to satisfy a girl like me.
You get me? To be honest, I don't really
like bragging about it. You get me?
- Right.
- But all of them man over there?
Two minute, man. And I'm talking
two minutes. You get me?
Me, on the other hand,
swagger's on point,
I go all night, and I'm talking all night,
like at least an hour.
Now, I'm a player
when it comes to the tings.
I'm thinking maybe me and you can
link up and do a little ting, get me?
You could come over to mine and we
can go over some interview techniques.
Cos I got techniques.
I got techniques like twelve tens.
I'm just gonna grind, man,
an hour of pure sensation.
Yeah.
Cos I do this, innit? Hm, it's nothing,
boy. It feels so nice, innit?
- What's he doing, blud?
- Who knows, blud?
I know you like that, innit?
It feels so good. It feels so warm.
Slow it down, slow it down.
Take time, think about the sheep.
You can do it, K.
You can do it. That's the one. Hm.
- Oh, yeah, slow it down.
- Wow.
Oh, my days, blud!
What the fuck are you doing, man?
- Tyrone.
- You trying to fuck that bollard, blud?
Nah, nah, it's just an itch, innit?
- Man's trying to fuck the bollard, blud.
- Nah, man.
You trying to sex that ting, blud?
Cos same man's already pressed that?
- Yeah?
- Yeah! You can't draw girls, blud.
- Ha-ha-ha-ha! Jackanory time!
- Oh, come on, man.
- You went there, blud.
- Shit.
- He is a friend of yours?
- Nah, that guy ain't no friend of mine.
That guy's just pure mean, blud,
just pure mean.
Enrique, maybe you should head back.
I'll get K to give you a call later.
Yeah, run along, Spanish boy.
It's fine. I can stay out
for a few more hours.
All right, cool. Wait here, though.
Boy, if you men don't mind, yeah,
I don't need this today, man.
I'm going yard.
Four, three, two, one. I'm going.
Just kotch, TJ, man.
What's wrong with you, man?
Why do you always do this?
It's cool, man. You're with me, innit?
I'm a topboy out here. Top of the top.
Me and Tyrone are cool.
He ain't gonna do nothing to you
if you're with me, man.
Come, man. I ain't Kenneth out here,
you know, blud? Shit.
(Tyrone) Cos you know it's time!
My time!
- What possessions you got for man?
- Blud, on a level, I ain't got nothing.
Tyrone, cool?
I don't know who you are, blud,
but I will break your head.
I will confiscate your life, rudeboy.
You better get out of my proximity
at least two metre radius apart.
Furthermore, who are you
to be calling out man's name?
Do you know man to be calling out
man's name? Apologise, blud.
- Come on, Tyrone.
- I said apologise, blud!
- Just apologise, man.
- Sorry.
That's what I'm talking about. Everyone
needs to know their role out here.
Next time I'll slap that dry roasted
peanut head of yours. Ha-ha!
Who's on the throne?
Can't hear you, man.
- I said who's on the throne?
- (AIl) Tyrone.
Yes, man! That's what I'm saying.
Big Mike ain't got nothing on me.
- What you saying, TJ?
- Safe, Tyrone.
- What creps are they, blud?
- Red ones.
I can't believe Kenneth thinks
he can get girls, though, blud.
- I was just chatting to her, innit?
- You man are all batty boys!
You can't draw girls, blud!
I get girls, blud.
Touch that, blud. I'll allow you, innit?
- Kinda hench still.
- That's right, blud, hench!
You man could never be bigger
than me. You man are inferior to me.
If I think about it, I should slap you lot
up for even trying to dial up with man!
(Phone rings)
Ha-ha-ha. Ha!
What does that say, blud?
- Squinty eyes! What does that say?
- Link number five.
That's right, blud. Man's got five links
out here. You man ain't got none.
Five! None. Five! None. Five! None.
Heh-heh-heh. Yes, baby.
Yeah. Nah, nah.
Man's not around tonight still, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. What you saying? What
you saying for Friday night, babes?
No, no, no! Actually, you know what?
You know what it is.
It's a raving thing, you get me?
Ministry. Next Hype.
Yes, baby, you know it's about
sex in the afternoon, innit?
Sex after "Kyle" and lick a bit of head
after "Dickinson's Real Deal".
Yes, babes. Listen, come to mine
Friday about 12, yeah?
Man's tongue's ready, baby.
I said I'll rub your belly, baby.
Yes, that's what I'm talking about.
Ha-ha! Man's got all these links, blud.
And I'm still with my babymama! What?
No one can't tell me nothing, blud.
Yes. Now, the only pussy I've ever
seen you with, blud, is this little prick.
- Oh!
- Lend me them creps, blud.
Oh, come on, blud.
Hey, sir, can't you see the sign?
It's a double yellow line...
- What the fuck you doing to my baby?
- I'm just an African...
Anyhow you scratch
a man's tings, blud?
This is disabled parking!
You are not disabled!
- Blud, I am disabled.
- You are not disabled.
Blud, I am disabled! Look at my arm.
Eh, so you are mocking less fortunate
people. You know God is watching you.
I don't care who's watching, blud!
Let them watch!
You're taking my stress levels
to a next dimension.
OK. Watch this.
It's a double yellow line.
Are you watching?
Let me...
You know something?
I've decided to take the ticket off,
not because of you. Because I decided.
- OK? Next time you see... you see...
- Yeah?
- Yes, you see a...
- Fuck off, man!
I swear, next time, you should
get yourself a passport, man.
You illegal immigrant. Next Hype!
(Speaks in African language)
What are you looking at?
Look at you Asbo children!
And you! Why are you dressed
like a strawberry ice cream?
Why can't that flippin' orang-utan
buy his own flipping trainers, man?
He's lucky I didn't spark him, you know.
Real talk.
Whatever, man. What we on?
- I gotta handle some business, innit?
- What business, fam?
He's going home to masturbate
about that chick, innit?
Unlike you, fam,
I have responsibilities to take care of.
So, K, er... where are we going?
Enriques, man,
you ask too many questions, fam.
But see man like me, yeah?
I'm a big man out here. You get me?
I'm a provider. Like in the jungle.
That's what I do, innit?
I provide. Come, we go, man.
Me ah go party hard
You know we ah go party hard
Me want party hard...
Wagwon Yasmin. Come, you, man.
Me ah go party hard
You know we ah go party hard
Me want party hard...
Oh, great.
- Ah, you, man, chill, innit?
- Wagwon, K.
- What's going on, Carly?
- What you saying, TJ?
- Who's he?
- He's my new bredren, man.
- Can I chat to you in the kitchen?
- How about some hot wings?
- I'm all right.
- I got you an apple pie.
No, I've eaten already, K.
Kitchen now.
Boy, I'll eat it, pass it.
Ah, cheeky girl.
What's up, rudegirl?
Oh, yeah, thanks for waking her up.
I just put her to bed.
- No problem. You cool though, yeah?
- Yeah, I'm cool, K.
Because if there's anything wrong, all
you have to do is tell me and I'll sort it.
- Beef, anything. No longage.
- No what?
- Longage. No long ting, innit?
- Right, yeah.
Everything's cool.
Couldn't be better.
But you ain't gotta keep
coming round bringing food.
- I do, though, Yasmin.
- No, seriously, you don't.
I do, though, cos you are
my cousin's baby mums, innit?
And now he's all banged up
for two years.
I gotta be there to provide,
provide for you and the baby.
Cos you're family,
and that's my baby right there.
- Well, I'm back at work now so...
- All right, I'll be straight up, innit?
I feel kinda bad, innit? Like when
my cousin got shift... well, I was there.
And I feel like somehow I was
responsible, like it was my fault.
It was your fault.
Well, yeah, sort of.
Well, it sort of was and it wasn't.
Cos I warned them about...
Look, what's done is done, yeah?
It's in the past.
Look, K, you ain't gotta keep
coming around checking up on us.
Yasmin, I do not shy away
from responsibility.
Cos man's
on a big man ting this year!
For God's sake, K,
what is the matter with you?
Look, I don't want you to talk to me.
I don't want you to wait for me.
I don't want you to do nothing, yeah?
Nothing.
You're on your period, innit? It's cool.
The way I see it,
you're a helpless woman, innit?
When you had my cousin,
you had someone there for you,
but now he's in the dustbin,
who have you got?
You ain't got no one. So, that's what
I'm saying. I'm here for you, Yasmin.
When you are in need,
that's when you can call K.
I swear, I sent you
a friend's request, man.
- You wanna do something for me?
- Yes, I do, Yasmin.
See these DVDs that Leroy sold me?
- It's Lesoi.
- Whatever. They don't work.
What?
Pow!
So, what you saying, blud?
You know I love my boys skinny, innit?
I could eat you up in one bite,
you get me?
So, how about you take
my number then, babes, innit?
Sure. Why not?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yes, all right.
I'm gonna give you
my O2 number as well.
Cos sometimes
I don't get reception on T-Mobile.
What's your BB, babes?
- Oi, you, man, come. We kick, man.
- What, now? Hold on, man!
Just hurry up, man.
Don't worry, Yasmin.
I'm gonna pop round in a bit
with some DVDs that actually work.
K, just drop them
through the letterbox.
- Are you sure?
- Definitely.
Come on!
MMove
Why we kicking for, man?
There was girls in there, man.
- We never get to jam with girls, man.
- Shut up, TJ, man.
- Nah, man, TJ's right, man.
- Yeah?
Yeah, man was getting my groove on
and you had to come and mess it all up.
- Blud, Kesha weren't on you, man.
- Wrong.
She asked for my number
and my BB, blud.
- You don't know, blud.
- I know she won't be calling you, blud.
- It's cos of you we had to kick.
- What?
You sold my cousin's baby mum
a dodgy DVD.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I look out for her, innit?
We gotta go back to Lesoi's
and burn her another one.
What? I can't believe this, man.
You're telling me
I never got press tonight
cos you wanna go back and get a DVD?
It's more than just a DVD.
It's called a principle, all right?
K, I feel you on that one.
Wasteman.
(Woman singing in Vietnamese)
(Doorbell rings)
(Doorbell rings)
(Dog barking)
(Speaks Vietnamese)
- Yes, Mum.
- Go on.
Come in, come in. Come in, come in.
(Speaking Vietnamese)
Come.
Hey, blud,
check out my new track, man.
(Mimics Vietnamese singing)
(Speaks Vietnamese)
(Speaking Vietnamese)
Hey, man, what's wrong with you, man?
Why's man gotta slap me
so hard for, man?
(Beeping)
What's wrong with your family, blud?
Your uncle's lucky man didn't bust
a quick chop suey on him.
- Your problem, man...
- Dah!
What's wrong with you, man?
Here, roll up, G.
Yeah, boy.
- Marijuana!
- Shorty, I rep BBK
- Monday to Sunday I'm like BBK...
- Hey, pass that, man.
JME, Skepta, Wiley, Frisco,
Maximum, yeah, that's BBK
Add me to the mix, that's BBK
Can't forget Sam, that's BBK
I see a lot of guys doin' this ting
But none of them flex like BBK
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
There's too many man
Too many many man
Too many man, too many many man
Too many man, too many many man
Too many man, too many many man
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
We need some more girls in here
There's too many man
Too many many man
Too many man, too many many man
Too many man, too many many man
Too many man
Too many many man...
- No!
- Yeah.
You were right, K,
you are really good at this game.
You must spend
a lot of time playing, no?
That's what I'm saying, fam.
That's five in a row. You get me?
I done told you
man's a top boy out here, G.
I ain't even playing no more.
I'm retired champion, blud.
Just play the game, man.
- Oh, shit.
- What?
The DVD, blud.
Blud, she's sleeping, man.
It's three in the morning.
- For real. Come, we go round there.
- She's sleeping, man.
- You don't know that, blud.
- Fuck the DVD.
Just play the game.
Come, rematch, innit?
Fuck the game, man.
You're shit anyway, man.
What? How am I shit, blud?
You're just jammy, man.
Er... jam is something you put on toast
and bread. What I have is called skill.
Now I'm saying come,
we go link some girls,
and you wanna play "Street Fighter".
You're just pissed off, yeah, cos
I keep beating you at your own game.
You think you're so nang at everything,
gassing like you're some gangster.
But I can tell you for nothing now,
you are not a gangster, fam.
You ain't got no P,
no whip, no links, no girl.
The only thing you got is a pet hamster,
and even he don't like you, blud.
You know, K,
it is perfectly OK to just be yourself.
What? Shut up, man.
So Solid had lyrics about man like you.
I'm on to you.
You are an official hater, blud.
Me, I'm on big tings out here, G.
- What big tings, blud?
- Bookie, man.
Big tings? You don't even work no more,
blud. You don't shot.
The music ting flopped. What big tings?
Delusion. That's what you're on.
Blud, man's only known
the yoot for five minutes
and even he knows, be yourself, blud.
Try that.
Wasteman.
All right, cool.
Gone, innit? If that's what you man
really think, I'm out of here.
- Prick.
- Wake up, TJ!
(Man talking on TV)
(TV) 'In the 1990s, I joined a group of
people called the Demon Drummers... '
I hope you're pleased with yourself.
They took everything.
It's not Kenneth's fault, sweetie.
(Door slams)
What you throwing stones
at my window for, blud?
- I wanna start shotting, blud.
- What? It's four in the morning, man.
- Hear me out, innit, man?
- Ah, look, K, I'm tired, man.
Blud, hear me out, fam.
I got a little movement lined up, innit?
I got all my shots sorted.
I know I can do this, man.
- I'm just asking for a little bit of help.
- You know I can't help you, man.
Yeah, but your uncles can, though.
I just need a little skunk, innit?
Something to get me started,
and then I'll be all right.
Don't let what Bookie said get to you.
He was just vex about the game.
The bailiffs have taken all our shit.
I need to get some money together,
and fast, man.
- I'm desperate out here, blud.
- You're too bait, man.
No, I won't be, blud, I promise.
I'll hold it down. I swear.
Blud, if it was my food, man might
try and sort something out, blud.
But that's my uncle's skunk, blud.
Man can't afford for that to go wrong.
That's way too risky. Family
or no family, them man will kill me.
You're the only family
I've got right now, blud.
Please, man.
Come round tomorrow morning.
Man'll try and sort something out then.
Ah, blud, I ain't gonna forget this, man.
And don't worry, I won't smoke it all.
Nah, nah, nah,
you don't smoke any of it, man.
And no bait moves.
The money's all there.
Nice job, yeah? Bless.
(Sucks teeth)
We're becoming
a fucking laughing stock.
Get up. This is my seat, rudeboy.
My seat! Sitting in my seat!
Need to respect man out here.
What you man saying?
- Nothing, man. Where you been?
- I went clinic today, innit?
- Clinic? You caught something?
- Nah, blud. To draw girls, you fool!
I don't care what they tell you. You ain't
gonna find no virgins in them clinics.
Best place to find a sket. Yeah.
For real.
We can't have the word going around
that we're going soft now, mate.
Can we? You do know
what I mean by that, don't you?
There's nothing soft about me.
Hey, hey.
Whose Bentley is that out there?
What fucking Bentley?
What's he fucking talking about?
( Rap music playing)
Oi! Why is there a fucking Bentley
parked outside?
Hey? Whose is it?
Whose car does that belong to?
Aah!
He asked a fucking question!
Are you lot deaf as well as dumb?
Whose fucking car is it?
Tommy, put the knife away.
(Laughs)
Listen, I got youngers getting arrested
left, right and fucking centre.
I got the fucking pigs on my dick
like a fucking rash!
And you're going out
and buying fucking Bentleys?
It's a fucking joke!
We're supposed to be
keeping our shit inconspicuous.
This shit is gonna stop tonight.
I wanna know about every little
fucking dealer selling on my streets!
All right, mate?
(Lily Allen) So you wanna
Be a gangster? Tell me just one thing
What d'you know
About being a hard man?
Your mum buys your bling
Your pocket's getting bigger but you
Couldn't pull the trigger if you need to
Cos you haven't got it
So you might as well quit
(Dizzee Rascal) I'm moving, couldn't
Be losing, nothing but a success
Think I'm proving nothing
To you half-weight wasters
Standing there yap yap yapping
On cruising
Nobody dictates what I'm choosing
Where I go
What I do with my life, stupid
And I hold my own, I'm rastic
You better watch your tongue
You spastic
Allow it, you're not heartless
Nothing but a lot of hot air
You're harmless
I keep getting my paper regardless
You words don't phase me
I'm marvellous
Age 22, zero tolerance and
I ain't got no time for the nonsense
You wanna see me
Come to my concerts
Or we can do it on stage
With an audience
(Lily) So you wanna be a gangster
Tell me just one thing
What you know
About being a hard man?
Your mum buys your bling
Your pocket's getting bigger but you
Couldn't pull the trigger if you need to
Cos you haven't got it
So you might as well quit
(Dizzee) Beef, straps, cuts, glory
All these high bredders in the club
Adore me
I wish when I come through
They ignore me
I really can't deal
With another war story
Bredders in my face
With a fistful of paper
Trying to make out
They're a big moneymaker
Talking all loud
But I know, man, I'm a hustler
I ain't got time, rudeboys,
see you later
And I can't forget
these groupies following
Front and rear
and right there hollering
Yeah, I know
I shouldn't be complaining
But these jezebels do my brain in
(Lily) I ain't no groupie
Who you calling jezebel?
Don't chat to me like I'm just any girl
(Dizzee) Allow, security
Somebody move her
(Lily) I don't wanna talk to you
Anyway, loser
So you wanna be a gangster
- Tell me just one thing
- Tell me just one thing
What you know about being
A hard man? Your mum buys your bling
Your pocket's getting bigger but you
Couldn't pull the trigger if you need to
Cos you haven't got it
So you might as well quit
- That whip don't make you a big man
- Nah, mate
- That chain don't make you a big man
- Nah, mate
I know you think you're a big man
- What, mate?
But really you're just a wasteman
- That whip don't make you a big man
- Nah, mate
- That chain don't make you a big man
- Nah, mate
- I know you think you're a big man
- What, mate?
But really you're just a wasteman
Yeah. Enros, smell that.
That is the smell of English money.
- TJ, go buy yourself a Magnum.
- You get me.
What was you saying, blud?
I'm a wasteman, yeah?
You've only been shotting for one day.
You're hardly Tony Montana,
are you?
Don't hate, fam.
All right, it's not a good look, man.
Yeah, don't hate, fam. It's not a good
look, fam. How much you make?
Blud, I reckon there's at least 62
here, man, do you get me?
My mumsy is gonna be
so happy, man.
Man are saying I can't make P.
Are you stupid, blud? I told you, man.
- Man is on this ting!
- Keep it down, man.
Cool, G man.
See a man like me, yeah?
Man a top shotter out here, blud!
Look, watch this, yeah?
I'm gonna be Baiden.
I'm gonna be Baiden.
- Then I'm gonna press them beanies.
- Beanies.
- Then I'm gonna press them beanies.
- Beanies.
I do this all day long.
I do this all day long.
- Keep it down, man.
- I do this all day long.
Wagwon, fam-a-lam.
Shit.
(Sniffing) I smell something.
Mm, I know that smell, blud.
If man's calculations is correct,
that's the smell of piff, blud.
- Yeah, I had a little zoot earlier.
- Don't take man for a mongoose, blud.
Can't disrespect man's intelligence
out here, rudeboy.
Man's nose knows
what it's smelling, innit?
- (Sniffs) You shotting piff, blud?
- Nah, blud.
Oh, my days!
Why you calling me blud for, blud?
Do me and you look the same?
I don't think so.
You look like one kind
of Indian blud to me.
I'm not even Indian, man.
- So, where's this weed, then, blud?
- We ain't got no weed, man.
I smell porky pies, blud. Yep.
Don't chat shit to me, blud.
Couple man just told me
you licked them a tens, innit?
I know these tings, blud.
Ha-ha-ha! Look, man, man just
wants to cop a little ting off you.
- You get me, fam?
- You got your own food, though.
There's a drought, fam!
Man can't get nothing still!
- Aah!
- Come on, blud.
Mans bless out here, fam.
I just wanna get
a little high tonight, man.
All right, all right, all right.
Cool, man.
- K, man.
- I've got to, man.
Give me a fat juicy score ting, blud.
Which one did you want, blud?
- Hmm. Actually, all of it.
- Come on, man!
Oh, my God!
Man's so unpredictable!
Man said he wasn't gonna rob him, but
man just turned around and robbed him!
Standard procedures!
Oh, my days! Ha-ha-ha!
There's a lot of weed in there,
innit, though, blud?
So, what, are you
some kind of shotter now, blud?
- Think you're a badman now?
- Nah, man, I just...
Damn right you're not a badboy,
blud! Shit!
Now, true say, man didn't even
want to rob you, man, today.
It's like you was asking for it!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Shit.
- Man's gonna get so high tonight, blud.
- Blud, I beg you allow it, man.
Oh, my days! You making
communication with me, blud?
Like man knows me?
Man's gonna have to get
jacked for that, blud.
Jackanory time! Next Hype!
Allow it, man.
Ha! Bo! That's my little sister's
Christmas present sorted still!
Listen, I'd love to stay and jam, yeah,
but I gotta do my mum's braids, OK?
Nah, blud. You need to be taking them
creps off right about now, rudeboy.
- What, again?
- Take the creps off, blud.
But they don't even fit you!
Little perseverance,
man can squeeze into them still.
(Whimpers)
- You're not gonna cry, are you, blud?
- No!
Tell your mum safe
for the creps, yeah?
Oh, this is emotional, man!
(Sobbing)
I'm telling my mum, man!
- Who the fuck is this?
- My name is Enrique Est...
- What have you got for Tyrone, blud?
- Blud, allow him, man.
Did anyone ask for a chow mein
chicken in black bean sauce? No.
So, why is Mr. Egg Fried Rice getting
involved in the situation for? Shit!
- What's that, blud? Is that your phone?
- No, it's my journal.
Take it out.
Ha-ha-ha! Man's got a journal, blud!
Ha-ha-ha!
- Allow man's journal, man.
- Shut up, blud.
Yeah, blud! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
This is now property of Tyrone.
A man takes what he wants out here,
blud. Standard procedures.
- Bookie Ebegulu, pass me your phone.
- Nah, blud!
What? Are you saying no to me, blud?
Hm? Is that what you're saying, blud?
See this, blud?
What does that say, blud?
Hm? It says property of Tyrone.
Look at it, made in Tyrone.
I swear, blud, you're lucky
your auntie knows my mum
or man would've stripped them jeans
off you right about now, fam.
No homo.
Let man know if you want
some weed, innit?
Man's got the piff, blud! Ha-ha-ha!
Man's tremendous out here, blud!
Standard procedures!
Man's intelligence has no limits, blud!
(Manic laughing)
- I hate that guy, man.
- I knew this would happen, man.
- Don't worry, I'm gonna sort this out.
- How you gonna do that, blud?
- I dunno.
- You're a wasteman, blud!
Realise how much trouble I'm in, blud?
I told you.
I warned you not to be so bait, man,
but you just never listen.
- Cos he's a wasteman.
- This ain't my fault.
It is your fault, man.
It's always your fault.
- You're too fucking bait.
- 100 per cent waste.
Why did you bring all that food out
with you? And why you licking shots?
Tyrone was right.
It's like you wanted him to rob you.
Nah, man, I just didn't think.
That's your problem, K.
You never think, man.
All of us, man, got robbed cos of you.
Fuck, man!
My uncles are gonna kill me.
But that's not your problem, is it?
On top of that, I lost my PSP.
This is fucking dead, man.
I'm going home, man.
- Don't call me no more, K.
- But, Bookie, I will get your stuff back!
- Whatever, blud!
- I will!
I defended you, blud.
Even though everyone I know
warned me not to hang around with you.
You know what? Bookie's right, blud.
Your whole life's one big joke, man.
You try and bring next man down
with you. I ain't in it no more, K.
Lesoi, seriously, I'm sorry, man.
No, "sorry" don't cut it this time, blud.
Lesoi!
You're still jamming out for a bit, yeah?
I think I should probably go home.
I promised Patricia
I would be home early.
- Goodbye, K.
- Yeah.
( DIZZEE RASCAL: "Cut 'Em Off")
I socialise in a crucial situation
I socialise in a crucial situation
I socialise in a crucial situation
I cut 'em off
Review the situation
Take part, take over
Review the situation
Take part, take over
- Review the situation
- Socialise, just cut 'em off
Review the situation
Take part, take over
My name is Rasket, listen to my flow
I socialise in Hackney or Bow
I wear my trousers ridiculously low
I love females, money and creps
I'm kind of streetwise
I think that you should know
You're not a badboy
You're puttin' on a show
Review the situation and nothing else
I cut 'em off...
(Door shuts)
I can't afford for you not to be working.
Do you understand?
You either get a job
or you move out.
Review the situation
Cut 'em off
We cut 'em off, we cut 'em off
We cut 'em off...
(Radio) 'What's happening? It's your
favourite troublemakers of radio.
'That's right, it's us, Ace and Biz.
'I was out a little bit earlier on, Biz.
'Like, I've just seen an abundance
of women with fake Ugg boots on.
'What is that? Like the Ugg boots
are leaning to the side.
'Like this is not looking good.
'What is going on
with the fake Ugg boots situation? '
'I don't know why you're lying
to everybody. You wear Ugg boots.'
(Message) 'Shabba denaya!
This is TJ's phone!
'Please leave a message
after the tone! Shut up! '
(Radio) 'I've only been wearing 'em
on the weekends... '
Oi! K Laimsbury's, you pussy!
(Radio) '... talk about anything
you want, we got loads of songs to play,
'Ioads of hot tracks... '
Aargh!
(Bookie) 'You are not a gangster!
'You ain't got no P,
no whip, no links, no girl!
'The only thing you got is a pet hamster,
and even he don't like you, blud.'
(Pauline) 'Waste of bloody space.'
(Lily) 'You can't MC, fool! '
(Shopkeeper) 'You are the dickhead! '
(Yasmin)'What's the matter with you? '
(Lesoi) 'It's always your fault.
You're too fucking bait.'
(Bookie) '100 per cent waste.'
(Tyrone) 'You can't draw girls, blud.
'Listen, come to mine Friday
about 12, yeah? '
Heh-heh-heh! Next Hype!
(Low chatter)
- Don't talk shit, blud.
- I'm hungry still.
- What's that smell, man?
- Smells like shit, man.
Shit.
( Music playing)
Listen, man's gonna go bathroom
and freshen up.
Go wait for me in the front room.
Mm! Hm!
Don't be too long,
my little Mike Tyson. Mm!
Champion lover, no ease up tonight
Champion lover
Gonna make you feel all right
They call me Mr. Loverman
They call me Mr. Lover
Mr. Loverman...
Mr. Loverman, they call me Mr. Lover
Because a woman take a trip
She coming from England
To satisfy her soul you know
Say she want a man...
Yes! Who's on the throne? Tyrone.
Champion lover
Gonna make you feel all right
Whoa...
Say she want a man
Talking to her and she respond
She tell me say she handle man
like a boomerang...
(Tyrone) Who's on the throne? Tyrone.
Yes, man, man went to powder his nose
and is ready to do this.
- Hm-hm! You ready for this?
- Ooh! Yeah.
Yes? You're ready?
You ain't see nothing yet, trust me.
Man is this!
Go on, touch it, touch it. Yes, man.
- Oh, my days!
- I know this. Yes, muscles, baby.
You see this? You see this? Uh! Uh!
Go on, take this, take this.
(Tyrone) Yes! Oh, yes, man!
(Grunting)
- Why are you so sexy?
- Man's on the throne.
I want you to fuck me good, baby.
Man's gonna give it to you
nice and slow.
(Tyrone) Man's on this ting!
On this ting!
(Grunting and yelping)
(Mobile phone buzzing)
Oh, yeah. Mm! For the best effect,
man has to use his tongue.
(Growling)
(Maria) Let's go to the bedroom, baby.
(Tyrone) Yeah, man's gonna
fuck you in every room.
Shit.
(Tyrone) Oi, take them shoes off.
Let me see those toes.
(Maria) Oh! Yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, baby!
- Yes, baby. Man loves his toes.
- That feels good! Oh!
Lesoi, what's up, man?
Nah, listen, man. Just listen, all right?
Don't stress, fam.
I got all your shit back. Yeah, all of it.
Look, get them, man,
and meet me at the back
of the dustbins in ten minutes.
Yeah. I'll tell you when I get there.
Bless.
What you doing here, blud?
- Yes, baby. Yes, baby. Your time.
- Mm, yeah.
Your time, you get me?
Man's gonna lick you everywhere,
and I mean everywhere.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Man got this here for a reason.
Yes, baby.
See this tongue right here?
I got special powers.
You hear me? Huh? Huh?
- Let's do this!
- Yes. Yeah. Yes!
- Yeah?
- Aaargh!
Ain't your lucky day.
You're gonna get murked.
- What you doing in this block?
- Checking my boy.
What boy, blud?
You can't be checking no boy, blud!
- This ain't your block.
- It ain't your block, fam.
- I'm sorry, man.
- Nah, blud!
Think you can just come in man's
block like you're the postman?
You need to get a satnav,
cos you turned the wrong way.
- I'll just go back to my block.
- Nah, blud! Too late.
You need to learn.
- Man's gonna teach you, blud.
- Please, man.
- Shut up, blud! I'm gonna shank you!
- Don't shank me.
- Hey, T, shank him.
- Why do I have to shank him?
Oi, listen. I shanked Martin
and Aron, blud. It's your turn.
- Fuck it.
- Ah, please, man.
I think I'm gonna enjoy this one still.
It's over, blud.
- I beg you.
- Shank him.
- Please, fam.
- Just shank him.
- Allow me, blud. Allow me, man.
- What?
- What did you just say?
- I didn't say nothing.
- Say it again!
- Shank him, man.
- No, say it again, blud!
- I didn't say nothing, man!
- Just shank him, man!
- Hold up! Say it again, blud!
I swear I didn't say nothing.
I said allow me, man.
Yeah, that! What do you know
about that tune, blud?
- Huh?
- Hey, shank him, man!
Wait up! What you know
about that tune, blud?
You know what you said!
You know! Allow me, allow me!
"Feel The Pain".
Yeah, that's me, blud.
What? Oh, my days! "Feel The Pain".
- Pass me the knife. I'll shank this fool.
- No, man, it's him, blud!
- Who?
- The "Feel The Pain" yoot.
"Feel The Pain".
Oh, yeah! What, is that him?
It's him, blud. I thought
I recognised him from the poster.
Hey, blud, I bought your mix tape.
It was big, blud. Big.
I love track number seven,
the "allow me, allow me" track.
The whole "Feel The Pain" mix tape
was kinda sick still.
- When you dropping the next one?
- I swear, I love that track, man.
- Allow me, allow me. Remember it?
- Watch, fam.
Allow me, allow me
- Certain man get rowdy
- Rowdy
Allow me, allow me
Certain man get rowdy
- Rowdy
- Ah! Chh! Mm!
- And I said feel the pain
- Whoa!
- And I said feel the pain
- Mm! Shh!
I said feel the pain,
I said feel the...
- Allow it, man, allow it.
- I do love that track though, blud.
- So, can I go, then?
- Boy, I don't know, fam!
Will you be dropping the music video
for that track, yeah?
- Probably still.
- Well, holler us, man, then, innit?
Will do.
Make sure you do, you know!
But I do love that track,
though, blud, big.
Safe.
That boy's reppin' for the manor,
you know.
Inspirational.
Ah, man! Move out of my way,
you little boy man! Cha!
Yeah, Tasha's getting pressed tonight!
What?
Move out my way, man! Move!
Move, man,
with your mash-up dreads!
- You can't go up there.
- Trying to touch me?
- Want me to box you down?
- You can't go up there.
Take your hands off me!
Want me to box you down again?
- No, no, no!
- Big fatty boom boom.
(Laughter)
Fatty boom boom!
I ain't heard that word in time.
Oh, faster. Oh, faster.
Oh, go faster, baby.
- I know you like this, baby.
- Yeah.
- Man go deeper than this.
- Yeah.
Standard procedures, I do this.
You better gnaw yourself, little boy,
and get your head down.
(Moaning)
Oh! Yeah. Oh, faster.
What the fuck is this, though?
(Maria) Who's she?
- Oh, my days! Who the fuck are you?
- Listen, babes!
Don't be babesing me!
You text me, told me come over!
I just got a baby-sitter!
I wear my new outfit!
I've got to take this back tomorrow!
- I never text you!
- This your idea of a joke?
Listen, listen, babes!
Man can explain, innit?
- Yeah, yeah! Explain this, yeah?
- Aaargh!
That's why your gang didn't
want me to come up, yeah?
Man's tried to play me, innit? Man tried
to take me for some kinda idiot, yeah?
Listen, listen, listen!
Listen, babes! Listen, OK?
What you think you're seeing right now,
you're not really seeing.
No, no! It's an illusion!
- Bludclot, illusion!
- No, no! No, no!
I didn't know he had a girl!
Yeah, right, Butters!
Where you going, though?
You bitch, you!
You better know yourself. Sket!
What? You want to play me?
Again? I'm telling you, you are fucked!
Why you getting so vexed for, though?
Vexed? I ain't vexed.
You wanna see vexed?
You really want to see vexed, yeah?
That's my lolly, though!
You bought that for me!
- Shut up, dickhead man!
- Don't take my lolly!
- What? For eating out her pussy?
- No, I wasn't eating her!
Man was having a little lick,
you get me?
Boy, you're gonna know
about licks, trust!
- I'm telling my brother about this shit!
- No! Please don't tell your brother!
You want a lolly slap? Get your hands
off me! Move, Bob Marley!
Out my way, you big idiot!
I swear you just come out of pen, blud.
Why you so greasy, blud?
Blud, it's not baby oil, it's cocoa butter!
Tasha! No! Please, please! Please, no!
Baby, please!
Let's talk about this! Think of the yoot!
You flopped. You know that?
You're gonna get so fucked up!
- I'm gonna laugh, boy! Ha!
- No, please, Tash! I beg you!
You should've thought about that, star!
You're dead, rudeboy! Dead!
No, no! Please!
I beg you, not my baby! No!
- (AII groan)
- Don't fuck with me! Pussyclot!
I can't believe you just done that
to a man's car.
This ain't over, Tyrone!
How could you do that, man?
You break a man's heart.
And by the way, learn to speak,
you spasticated pussy-eating prick!
(Muffled laughter)
Man's not spastimacated, you know.
It's just a speech impediment.
Oh, my days, blud!
You got my crep back, fam!
Yeah! Blud, I love you, blud!
Come here!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't kiss me, all right?
Here, En.
Here's your lyric book.
My journal. Thank you, K.
Minor.
And Lesoi...
- This is for you.
- Safe.
You were right. I shouldn't have
got myself involved in this shit.
- No! You don't say!
- Look, Bookie, I'm sorry, man.
How did you get all our stuff back?
I just climbed in Tyrone's yard.
I just took it, innit?
And you know what?
And that's not all I took.
Someone's been in my fucking yard.
I don't fucking believe this.
My fucking money.
Hey, you, man! Keep looking.
- Why is there a chick on the floor?
- Fuck her!
- Well, I wouldn't mind still.
- Don't know, fam.
- Hey, your phone's in the drawer, blud.
- What?
What? "Home alone with no clothes on"?
Man never sent this shit!
Boss, I swear it wasn't me.
Listen, any of you man see anyone
coming in and out of this block?
- Well?
- That K yoot still.
Kenneth?
You let Kenneth in the building?
Oh, shit.
My shit's been taken.
Kenneth. Fucking Kenneth!
Kenneth! Where are you? You're dead,
you hear me? You're fucking dead!
Mr. Postman, have you seen
that yoot Kenneth?
- Nah, mate.
- Oh! Take man's fucking money!
Blud, he's an MC. He ain't gonna take
your money, G. He makes Ps, blud.
Shut up, man! How you let man
just leave with my shit?
- Told you we shoulda shanked him.
- You're dead, Kenneth!
You hear me? Fucking dead, blud!
Where are you, blud?
I'm not ramping with you, blud!
Man's on this ting! I'm a Goon for life!
You hear that, blud?
Come out now, blud, or man's gonna
come to your mum's yard!
- He sounds vex, boy.
- He's gonna kill me, man.
What you expect? You should've known
that when you climbed in his yard.
How you take his P, blud?
You best give it back.
I can't.
My mum needs that money, man.
Man's gonna lick those straps
in your mum's yard! Yo, pussy hole!
I appreciate you getting my stuff back.
But Bookie's right, man.
- I ain't trying to fuck with Tyrone.
- Please, man.
- Kill him, ya...
- No, TJ!
K's gotta handle this one himself.
Move, little pussy boys!
Huh? Yo, Kenneth!
You wanted to be the big man.
There you go, blud, be the big man!
Come, we kick.
In approximately ten minutes, blud,
your life is done! You hear that, blud?
On a scale of one to ten, you're ten!
That's deader than dead, blud!
Come, Enrique, man.
- Sorry, K.
- (Tyrone) I confiscate your life, rudeboy!
Huh? Pussy hole!
What the fuck
you man looking at? Huh?
Man's going to execute
your family, blud! Huh?
Your dad, your mother, your little sister,
and that little pussy hamster of yours!
Fight like a man, you pussy! Huh?
Let's do this right, rudeboy!
Yeah! Fight like a man!
You hear me, fam?
I'm on this ting! You see me, yeah?
I can do this for nine to five, blud!
- Oi, pussy hole! Come here!
- Aargh!
- Where's your pussyboy boyfriend?
- I don't know!
- Where is he?
- I don't know!
Don't insult man's
superior intellect here, blud!
There's K.
Looking for me, blud?
Yeah, what you saying, fam?
- Ha-ha! Are you serious, blud?
- K!
What, you rolling with a strap?
Are you delusional?
Is you gone crazy, blud? Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Huh?
- Don't ever threaten my mum, blud.
Oh, my days! Ha-ha!
Man's on some movie out here, blud!
What, you think
you're some kind of bad man?
What, are you Mr. Dick Tracy
out here, blud?
Is that one of your dad's
little toys over there, blud?
Come on, then, blud! Come on!
Huh? I dare you to, blud. Come on.
Either you're trying to kill me or
piss man off. So, which one is it, blud?
Cos right about now man's
getting emotional still! Fuck it!
- Aargh! Aargh!
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ah? You messed up, Kenneth.
Hm? Messed up big time.
Little Kenneth, yeah?
Rolling around with a strap.
Ha! Man's got to laugh at that one.
Ha-ha-ha!
- (Gunshots)
- That's how you bang a strap!
Fucking dickhead.
I'm the only Dick Tracy out here, blud!
Yeah!
(Growls)
Pulling a strap on me, blud? Huh?
Coming into my yard, blud?
Huh? Taking my shit, yeah?
You pussy, blud! I told you, blud!
I am on the throne! Me! Tyrone!
Nah, blud.
He's going to kill him. We have
to help him. Look, K needs our help.
Boy, he didn't back me last time.
K all ran away.
At least I'm here watching.
You fucked with the wrong guy, blud.
Nah. Nah, blud.
Say goodbye, Kenneth.
Just leave him alone, OK?
He cannot take it! You've made
your point! You're gonna kill him!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
You're right, you're right.
Man took it too far, innit?
I stop. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
You're right, man took it too far.
Too far.
Always the white boy trying be
the hero! Well, not today, rudeboy.
I'm the only Zorro in town!
Come here! Huh? Huh?
You see this? You see this here?
This is what you get!
I run these endz, yeah?
Where the fuck you going, blud?
Take a man for a fucking pussy!
Huh? Huh?
Everybody see this?
What you gonna say now?
(Voices echoing)
Where you going, blud?
Fuck off!
I knock any one, any of you!
You hear me?
I'm like the fucking council out here!
Yeah, I'll tax you, blud!
What? You can't say shit to me!
I told ya, I'm Tyrone!
On the fucking throne! Me!
- Fuck you.
- Aargh!
Fuck him up!
Go on, K! Fuck him up!
Fuck you!
Bust him open!
Getting the job done!
(Crowd groans)
All right, all right.
Look at your face, fam.
Come on, we go home.
No more games, blud.
Playtime's over.
Please.
Oi!
What the fuck is this? What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
- What are you doing here, man?
- Fuck you doing with my gun?
What the fuck are you doing? Hey?
I can explain.
I can explain. I can explain.
What happen was, it was...
It was K. It was him. It was K.
- Who the fuck's K?
- This here over here is him. Him.
It weren't.
- You like pointing guns at little boys?
- No.
Eh, Tyrone? Makes you feel
like a big man, does it?
Nah, man's not a big man.
No, no, no, don't do that.
How about I point this gun at you?
How about I put this fucking gun
at your fucking little bludclot? Eh?
Please. No, please. I beg you.
I beg you. Please don't do this.
Get up, you little bludclot! Get up!
Come on, man. Come on, man.
I had babymama stress. I had
a lot of stress with my babymama.
- Fucking up on my patch!
- Man, I wasn't thinking straight.
I'm fucking tired of your shit.
I'm tired of your fucking shit.
You always fuck it up! Hey?
- What the fuck?
- (Laughter)
You fucking little bludclot.
What the fuck is that?
You dirty little fucker.
Next time, you don't play with guns.
Especially not mine! All right?
No.
This little prick
won't be bothering you again.
But if he does try and trouble you
or any of your friends,
you come and see me or Tommy.
- Yes?
- Yeah.
And that goes for everyone!
Any trouble around here,
you let me know about it! All right?
Things are gonna quieten down
around here!
You little bludclot, you!
(Spits) Come on, Tommy, let's go.
(Groaning)
(Tyrone) You, man.
You, man. Ah, man!
We gotta get some chicken
and chips, man. I'm hungry.
Goons for life, yeah?
I found him eating out her pussy.
He don't do that for me.
He don't go down on me.
Disrespect your sis, man, bruv!
He's trying to disrespect me!
Which means he's disrespecting you!
I'm gonna brock him up!
Tyrone is a fucking dead man running!
You're a wasteman, blud!
You can't do nothing!
That's how we roll!
That's how we roll, blud!
I'm gonna bang him
like a fucking pussy! Watch!
Oi! I warned you not to fuck
with my family! You fucking prick!
- I'm gonna fuck you up, you prick!
- Oh, no, please!
Keep fucking running! I'll fucking
teach you, you motherfucker!
(Screaming)
Bastard. Yeah, you keep running, blud!
Wait till I get my hands on you, prick!
Come here. Come here.
- (Father) Is that you, Kenneth?
- Yeah.
(TV in background)
(Coughs)
One, two, three, four
Get with the wicked
Can I get a... Woo woo
Chicks get with it, can I get a...
Fellas, you know,
RB runs the show...
Well, well, well.
How we finding our first day back,
Kenneth?
I'm not one to rub salt in the wounds,
and judging by your face, you did not
put your hands up, you took the licks.
But I take it your "big tings"
didn't really go according to plan,
and now we find ourselves here again.
You on the phone,
pleading for your job back.
"Please! Please, please
can I have my job back?"
"Who is this?" "Please
can I have my job back, Russell?"
- I appreciate it.
- I hope so.
I hope you appreciate it,
because it wasn't easy by any means.
Not many managers
would be so flexible.
- I know, man. I appreciate it.
- Oh, I hope so!
You're lucky that I am store manager
and not Colin from Wood Green,
because he wouldn't put up
with this type of thing.
- I really do appreciate it.
- Mm, good! Good, good, good.
Turn the music up!
You know,
we're really proud of you, darling.
Ah, thanks, Mum.
Buy one, get one free.
- What's going on, blud?
- Yeah, it was all right, man.
I can't believe
you come back here, man.
- This is anything, G.
- Done the right thing.
This don't make sense.
For the first time in our lives, we've
actually got some power in the road.
Instead of taking advantage of this shit,
my man's here stacking shelves.
Idiot ting man.
- Why you always gassing for?
- Ain't a gas ting.
Ain't idiot. Real talk.
K, I say you do the right thing.
Talk to Mike and get a nigga
paid out here, dawg.
I need to make some P.
Down wit da boys!
Ain't you learnt nothing, blud?
I ain't even on this hype no more.
- What about the music ting, blud?
- That's not me, man.
- And Laimsbury's is, yeah?
- For now, yeah.
You gotta know who you are, blud.
There comes a time when man's
gotta wake up and smell the coffee.
This road ting ain't
getting man nowhere.
I'm on a different ting now, blud.
I'm choosing life.
See, it's about enlightenment.
Enlighten-what? My man
thinks he's Gandhi now, blud.
- Who's Gandhi, blud?
- Aye, my days!
You are such an idiot.
He is such an idiot. I swear it down.
Listen, man.
I ain't trying to preach, yeah?
I'm just saying life is about choices.
And you gotta make the right ones.
Nah, you ain't gonna see K
on a hype no more, man.
I'm telling you, blud,
it's a new day, a new start.
I'm gonna flip it. See me?
- I've seriously changed, man.
- Whatever, blud.
I'm serious, man.
I'm a changed man out here, blud.
Dickhead! I like Fruitellas!
I take what I want! Fuck off, prick!
You wake up and suddenly...
What? What you looking at?
You're in love
Ooh
Ooh
Check out my new whip
Check out my glasses
If anybody axses, I'm providing 'em
Got a black mugarias
and I got a small army
Which move mountains like Mugabe
- That's why we blow
- Hard, hard, hard, hard
- Hard, hard, hard, hard
- Come on
Come on, everybody, go hard...
I don't fucking believe it.
- They went and paid.
- Who?
Them O'Sullivan bastards, they went
and paid. They never fucking pay.
Never saw that one coming, Tel.
Oh, well, onwards and upwards, Darren.
Who's next on the list?
- A Miss Mandanga Foofoo, flat 42.
- So, what are we waiting for, Dal?
Let's go and see
Miss Mandanga Foofoo!
Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard...
I'm going
Yo, I'm doing it, I'm doing it
I keep doing it
Your daughter's glued to it
Can't play all this, I play fluid
You can't stop ads
Who are you in it?
See the game, I flew in it
Now I'm here
I'm gonna say get used to it
I see a girl that I like, I move to it
Funky house and groove to it...
(Sucks cheeks) You.
I don't care. I want my money
by the end of tomorrow, nigga.
No, you. You better get it for me.
If not, me gonna carve
a bludclot 'C'
from the corner of your eye
to the corner of your mouth.
You just get me my money.
(Sucks cheeks)
Why do you talk like that, Uncle?
(Posh accent) It's about authority,
Omar. I mean respect, OK?
I can't just phone up and be like,
"Look, I want my money tomorrow."
That's not gonna work. That doesn't
have any effect whatsoever.
No, you got to put a little bass
behind it. You know?
(Growls) You...
That's powerful, a lot more powerful
than "Can I have my money, please?"
They just won't take me seriously.
Now, with...
(Growls) You.
I want my money now. Yes, you.
It's automatic fear.
(Growls) You.
I've perfected it, you know? You try.
- (Growls) You.
- You.
You're sounding like a cow.
- You!
- You!
- You.
- You.
You're sounding like a bigger cow.
Deeper, deeper, deeper.