Around the World in 80 Days (2004) Movie Script
To the Bank of England! Quickly!
Surround the building!
You go that way! You go this way!
There he is!
- Come on!
- After him, men!
That way!
- He came this way. I'm sure of it.
- Come on!
Come on, mates! Keep up!
Sorry, sir.
Today is the day I will finally achieve
what has been deemed impossible.
Man can break
the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier.
And you're lucky
to be a part of it, Pierre.
- It's Jean Michel, sir.
- Yes.
We will make history.
Or we will die trying.
- Die?
- This is very exciting.
That's it!
I refuse to be catapulted,
electrocuted, or have my internal organs
disrupted any longer!
I quit!
He is a very sick man!
The electrocution was not my fault!
You refused to wear
the rubber underpants!
We're looking for a bank robber.
Is there no man brave enough
to be my valet?
Oh... Aah!
I'm your new valet.
Uh... I must commend
the valet service
on their impeccable foresight.
But they know I only
accept French valets.
Yes. Oh! Oui! Oui!
I come from a long line
of French valets.
On my father's side.
Very, very French.
- But your accent.
- My father French. Never speak.
My mother Chinese and never shuts up.
All the children pick up her accent.
Very well.
Will you be willing to risk your life
to challenge the laws of physics?
- Yes. Uh, and I can sing, too.
- Excellent. Pop this little hat on.
- He's got to be in here.
- He's this way!
And the throttle in your
right hand controls the speed.
- How do I stop?
- Godspeed!
Uh-uh-uh...
Twenty-five miles per hour.
Yes, the pressure's stable-ish.
We need more speed, man.
Waah! Wee-yoo!
Forty miles per hour.
Hang on in there, my good man.
Forty-seven.
Forty-eight.
Forty-nine.
Eureka! We've done it!
Uh...
Waaah!
I say, I say. Uh, good morning.
- I'm looking for a man with...
- Over here!
There he is. There's my valet.
Sorry! New valet.
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
You'll be able to let go any second.
The pack will run out of steam
in exactly three, two, one.
Now.
Look out!
- That was incredible!
- We've broken the human speed barrier.
Good-bye, sir.
It's been very nice valeting for you.
Let's... do it again soon.
Please, wait!
With you as my brave valet,
I can test all my inventions.
No!
Spread out!
- Cover that...
- Yes, yes.
- I take the job.
- Splendid!
I can't wait to present
my results to the Academy.
Too kind. Too kind. Thank you.
And with this grant to develop
new applications for copper wire,
Dr. Ramsey invented this.
Needless to say,
the Royal Academy of Science
declared this crackpot
mentally incompetent,
and he was duly dispatched
to a lunatic asylum.
Sir. I have an urgent
announcement for you. Here.
Don't just stand there. Read it.
Oh. Um...
"It is with great distress
that Scotland Yard announces
that the Bank of England...
has been robbed."
My stolen Jade Buddha stolen?
You blighter!
You gave me every assurance that
the Bank of England was impenetrable!
Sir, sir, I said, "lmpregnable."
It's the same thing, you idiot!
Please, please, not the quills!
Lord Salisbury!
Please contact General Fang
and inform her, no Buddha, no deal.
To forgo your obligation would
be dishonorable, Lord Kelvin.
A woman in the Royal Academy?
The Jade Buddha was delivered
by us to the Bank of England.
- What happens while in British hands...
- Is absolutely your concern.
Colonel Kitchner,
chief of Scotland Yard,
please inform General Fang
what other items were stolen
from the bank.
Nothing else.
Exactly. It seems
your little land dispute
has spilled over
onto our noble shore.
Until the Jade Buddha
is back in my possession,
you and your cause will receive no
British military assistance whatsoever.
Kitchner.
My agents will retrieve the Jade
Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin.
This time, do not let it
slip through your fingers.
A female general.
What sort of pathetic man
takes orders from a woman?
Cor!
- Come away from here.
- Oh, Dad. Can't we stay?
My wind-powered pulley system
circulates the house with fresh air.
Kitchen items are to be placed
on the white boat,
and the blue is for laundry.
But most importantly,
this supplies the house
with a running current of electricity.
Electricity.
This is my comprehensive
data schedule and list of regulations.
It's quite simple. You're never
to divert one iota from my plans.
I must live my life
with total efficiency...
to maximize my inventing capacity,
thus enabling me to do
the most I can for mankind.
Uh, Mr. Fogg, you are a noble,
precise gentleman.
Thank you. Uh... Sorry.
What was your name? Ahem.
Passport. Too.
Passepartout.
Bottled light.
A miracle.
Hardly.
Just undiscovered science from
an American named Thomas Edison.
It turns on with a whistle.
Please don't do that.
Ah, I see your eye is drawn
to what I hope will one day
be my crowning achievement.
A giant moth?
- It's a flying machine.
- It can fly?
Yes.
No. But it will... one day.
One day it will transport people
through the air.
Perhaps over entire oceans.
Uh-oh.
I'm going to have
to make a rule for this.
Dear Father:
I will find the fastest way
back to China...
to make our village safe once again.
Passepartout?
Departure for the Royal Academy
of Science in two minutes.
Prepare my urban transport device.
Prepare my urban transport device.
It's the shoes
with little wheels on them.
It's the shoes
with little wheels on them.
Clear the way. Clear the way.
Mr. Fogg coming through.
Watch out! Watch out!
Excuse me. Out of way.
- Gangway.
- Fogg's arrived.
- Gangway. Ooh!
- Hey!
That makes it exactly
ten minutes before noon.
That will be all.
Gentlemen.
Today I have proved that man
can break the 50-mile-per-hour
speed barrier
without disrupting
his internal organs.
Where is your Royal Academy
of Science authorization?
What am I thinking? What a fool.
That would mean that you
were a real scientist!
By your definition,
a real scientist's objective
would be to prevent man from progress.
We live in a golden age, Fogg.
Everything worth discovering
has been discovered.
Yet ridiculous dreamers
like you insist
on a past filled with dinosaurs...
and evolution.
And on a future filled
with motorized vehicles,
radio waves,
and flying machines!
Confound it! The bloody
Bank of England is a madhouse!
Rumor has it the bloke's a foreigner.
An Asian chap.
Rumor has it the bloke's a foreigner.
Nothing.
Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow,
and he acted alone.
No. Actually,
they say he was Norwegian.
In fact, though, it was a gang
of elderly Norwegians.
I heard it from a very reliable source
that it was a gang
of redheaded elderly Norwegians
with very tiny feet.
It's about time
someone robbed that bank.
Like this very institution,
the Bank of England is outdated.
As usual, your contempt
for tradition is appalling.
You rest on your traditions,
if you prefer,
but, as with this bank robber,
progress waits for no one.
So now you're an expert
on the bank thief as well.
Give us the benefit
of your ineffable wisdom, Fogg.
Twenty-six minutes ago,
a ship left Dover for Paris.
From there, the thief
takes the Orient Express,
where he transfers to a steamer,
from Istanbul to India.
In little over a month,
that man could be in China.
If we're to believe Fogg's calculations,
he will have circled the globe
and returned to England in a fortnight.
Actually, by my calculations, it would
be closer to, uh, exactly 80 days.
Outstanding idea.
Well, then, Fogg,
let's see you circumnavigate the world
in 80 days.
I... That would be
a fruitless use of my time.
I'm on the verge of numerous...
countless... scientific breakthroughs.
You coward. Admit it.
It cannot be done.
It can! I could do it.
A wager.
10,000.
Unlike you and your colleagues,
money does not inspire me.
I believe every man has his price.
Even you, o noble Phileas Fogg.
There must be something I could offer
that would be worthy of your time.
There is. Your position as head
of the Royal Academy.
I could lead Britain
and the rest of the world
into a new age of progress
and discovery.
- Fair enough.
- What?
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow
to surrender my position as minister
of science to Phileas Fogg...
- No!
- No! No!
if he can circumnavigate
the globe...
in no more than 80 days.
But if he cannot,
he must never set foot
in this academy again,
he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore
he calls a laboratory,
and he must swear...
never to invent again.
Just as I always suspected, Fogg.
You promise so much, yet you deliver...
oh, nothing.
- I'll take your wager.
- What did you say?
I'll take your wager!
He did it.
Then it's done.
A man who has never set foot
out of England circling the globe.
This is going to be rather amusing.
History won't remember your amusement,
but it will be hard-pressed to forget
the moment I'm standing on the very top
step of the Royal Academy of Science.
By the strike of noon,
after I, Phileas Fogg,
have traveled around the world
in 80 days!
Oh, dear.
Mr. Fogg, we all pack and ready to go.
Mr. Fogg, are you in here?
Phileas! Phileas! Phileas!
- Uh...
- Mr. Fogg, are you well, sir?
Huh?
Uh, Passepartout.
Would you... sit with me a moment?
Yes, sir.
I risked everything,
my entire life's work.
For something you believe in.
Nothing could make
more sense than that, sir.
You are honorable, Passepartout.
But I'm afraid this was
a calamitous lapse of judgment.
- Mr. Fogg?
- Yes?
- Let your family...
- There is no one left to tell.
This house and my inventions
are all I have.
And a brave French valet that will help
you make it around the world in 80 days.
- You really believe we can succeed?
- Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes!
You're mad. We'll be sliced to pieces
before we reach India.
We're with you, sir!
Good luck!
Halt!
- Quite a contraption here, Mr. Fogg.
- Thank you, Inspector.
But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to detain
you and your valet until further notice.
This here doohickey is in violation
of the city's new vehicle code.
Vehicle code?
Code 431.
All vehicles
must be powered by horses.
Or other indigenous
quadruped creatures of the like,
excluding giraffes and...
You're driveling. Stand aside.
I'm about to embark upon
a journey around the world.
Not in this monstrosity,
you're not. No!
- Mm-mm.
- That's hot.
It's... Ow!
Time to go.
We have a boat to catch.
Stealing a police vehicle is not
an acceptable way to begin our journey.
- Not stealing. Borrowing.
- Excuse us.
We're borrowing this vehicle
to catch our ship to Paris,
if someone could inform
the appropriate authorities.
Bloody hell! Me brain's leakin'!
Ahh! Damn that nincompoop Fix.
What's the point of hiring
a corrupt police officer
if he can't abuse the law properly?
- Kitchner.
- Sir!
Tell Fix to pack his bags.
- He's going on a trip.
- Right away, sir.
Hmm. Smart man.
Passepartout, tell this
impudent fellow we must
leave within six and a half hours, or we
miss our connection in Constantinople.
Yes, sir. Please.
We are in a great hurry.
- Passepartout?
- Yes?
In French.
Sacre bleu, la champignon,
chateau, bien, franoise, voil,
ooh-la-la, foie de gras.
- What did he say?
- Uh...
He say...
- What?
- He says not to worry.
The next train will leave in five hours.
Good time for sightseeing.
Passepartout, this is
a scientific expedition, not a holiday!
I will not miss this train.
Ah!
- Very amazing.
- What?
What does it say?
Eddie Thomason will be
showing his inventions.
Thomas Edison? Here in Paris?
What a chance for you
to meet another great inventor.
I would quite like to tell him
about my whistle modification.
Good idea.
See? Exposition. Science.
I assure you these are not
the works of Thomas Edison.
Uh, I think he is
somewhere around here.
Wait a moment. This isn't science.
This is art.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
That painting is highly inaccurate.
It's not supposed
to be accurate.
The artist views reality
through imagination
rather than simply recording it.
It is called "lmpressionism."
Well, um, I'm not impressed.
Trees are not violet,
grass is not charcoal,
and a man cannot...
fly.
You feel something.
You dream of flying.
Or of naked men.
- Sometimes.
- Ah.
The flying. N-N-Not the men.
I am glad you like my painting.
Monique La Roche.
Phileas Fogg. I must say, it's a lot
better than these amateurs.
What did he say?
Oh, no.
Non.
Goodness. What was that all about?
Well, a wealthy gentleman
bought my painting for a lot of money.
Champagne for everyone!
I'm still looking for Mr. Eddie.
Nice painting.
Have you considered
a career in schematic drawing?
No. It would be far too limiting.
At least your work
shows genuine promise.
Thank you. Those I painted
many months ago.
I was lacking inspiration.
I found some men
to help me find Mr. "Edimon."
- This way.
- Thank you. Thank you.
He's very eager.
Get him!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, it's terrible, no?
No, no, it's...
- clever.
- Oh.
Hmm. Yes.
- He's a clown.
- Mm-hmm.
And yet...
he's incredibly angry.
The irony is, uh, terrifying.
- Is that good?
- Is it?
Ah, this is interesting.
Without opposable thumbs,
a dog could never play poker.
Yes, they can.
Where have you seen
a dog playing poker?
Right there.
Perhaps I'm not the best judge.
Bandits! They come to take away
all the paintings!
- Quickly! Come this way!
- Passepartout!
Go, go, go!
Thank you, Miss La Roche.
You may just have saved our trip.
- There you are.
- I would, uh...
- I would like to repay you.
- Take me with you.
- What?
- I'm stifled here. Pigeonholed.
They think of me only
as a coat-check girl!
- Why?
- Because I am the coat-check girl.
- Ah.
- Look.
The leading art critic in Paris.
Look what he wrote
about one of my paintings.
- I can't read this. It's French.
- I wish I couldn't.
Why do you carry it?
When I do succeed,
I can throw it in his face, but for now,
I need a world journey to inspire me.
I'm inspired to get us
back on schedule.
Let's see. Wind velocity
approximately twelve knots,
factoring in air density...
Outstanding!
Passepartout, onward! Ah.
There we go. Passepartout,
tell him to keep the change.
Uh...
fromage, por favor.
We are going around
the world in 80 days!
The balloon cannot
support all this weight!
Your hot air should compensate, no?
Get off!
- What are they doing?
- They're being disorderly.
Hey! Let go! Let go!
Hey! Passepartout!
My valise! It has all my money in it.
Hey, lady, lady, lady! It's my bag.
No, that is my bag.
No, that's not your bag. It's my bag!
- No!
- You crazy.
Yes.
That tickles!
You took my bag.
Mr. Fogg!
- Good catch!
- Thank you.
Ooh!
Those are the gallery bandits.
Oh, yes!
Ah.
He stole my purse!
This devil stole my purse!
My bag! He took my... Ah!
- We've stolen that old lady's purse.
- Huh. Here.
We must help Passepartout.
How do I make this go lower?
What are you doing?
Decrease the overall weight...
- That's not going to work.
- Yes, it is.
Physics, no?
Yes.
Ahhh...
Bonjour.
Bonjour.
- Eh?
- Bye-bye!
Wake up, lady! Wake up, lady!
Wake up! Lady, wake up!
- Bye, mama.
- Merci.
Bye, baby.
Ohh...
Very impressive. I'd have let go by now.
The statue's grabbing his trousers.
I don't think it's doing it on purpose.
Oh, dear.
Help!
Well done, Passepartout.
We're still on schedule
despite those dogged thieves.
Yes, yes. Thank you.
Those art thieves
seemed to recognize you.
- I look like someone they know.
- Some other Frenchman, perhaps?
- So, where can we drop you off?
- We're not stopping.
Once we land to board
the Orient Express, you are free to go.
Thank you so much.
- For what?
- I'm free to go with you.
I did not say you were free to come.
- I said you were free to go.
- Where?
- Anywhere.
- Thank you. I will go with you.
- No, you will not, Miss La Roche.
- Monique.
Miss... Monique!
There! Now we are getting along.
Comme c'est beau.
C'est magnifique.
Toutes ces couleurs.
Look at the sunrise.
There is only one word for it.
- "Magical."
- Miss La Roche!
I refuse to allow you
to continue traveling with us.
I'm not traveling with you.
I'm making my own way.
Maybe you shouldn't travel with me.
This is what happens
when you leave your home.
You meet... people!
Why are you keeping up this ruse?
Perhaps I should inform Mr. Fogg,
and together he and I can speculate.
A very sacred object
was stolen from my village.
I have taken it back.
Incroyable.
For many centuries, the Jade Buddha
has protected my people.
It has never left our village until now.
And those art thieves. Who are they?
The Black Scorpions.
They work for an evil warlord. Fang.
She wants the Buddha
so she can take over my village.
I must return the Jade Buddha
to protect Lanzhou.
Mr. Fogg is the fastest way.
Perhaps, then,
we can help one another.
I will keep your secret,
and you convince Mr. Fogg
to allow me to travel
the world with you.
Keep this Dummkopf in his seat,
or we throw him off!
Merely pointing out if they coordinated
their coal-shoveling technique,
they could maximize our speed.
When we reach Constantinople, I suggest
you board a train we are not on.
- Uh, Mr. Fogg, she must come with us.
- And why is that?
Uh, we just discovered that we are
related from the same family.
I'm her father's second cousin's sister
on my mother's side. French.
Monsieur Fogg. If I make the train
go faster, I can come with you, oui?
Yes.
I bid you farewell, Miss La Roche.
If there's anything else you would like,
just let us know, Miss La Roche.
Ah! Voil.
Champagne with your first-class seats,
Mademoiselle La Roche.
Merci.
- Champagne?
- No, thank you.
- Merci.
- Monsieur.
A tea?
Okay.
How to make English tea.
Precisely 96 degrees.
Ooh.
Excuse me, sir.
- Fogg's valet!
- A jade Buddha!
- This is not a jade Buddha.
- Oh, yes, it is!
- You're right. But I'm not a valet.
Oh. Really?
Owww!
Me bloody nose!
Let me in!
You're gonna pay for scorchin' me willy!
Heh-heh-heh-heh. Now I gotcha.
Ow! Oh! Ow!
Ahhh!
You're under arrest!
Ah! Ooh! Ow!
Sorry!
Why the devil are we stopping?
Prince Hapi would be honored
to have Fogg
and his traveling companions
at his banquet.
How very flattering.
But please inform Prince "Happy"
that we are on a very tight schedule.
Prince Hapi demands it.
Then Prince Hapi
will have to get accustomed
to not getting everything he wants.
It is magnificent.
Mr. Fogg, his house
is even bigger than yours.
His collection, his taste...
It is exquisite.
Yes, it is.
Not good.
Very old. Look. Broken.
And where is His Highness?
Oh. The prince is also
a talented musician.
If I did nothing
but lounge about the palace,
I'd learn to pluck a few notes.
Let's make this brief.
I'll pose for photographs,
wearing a turban,
holding an atlas...
Mademoiselle.
How magical that our paths should cross.
Do you believe in fate?
Is that what you call it
when one stops a train
and kidnaps its passengers?
Phileas Fogg.
Please forgive me,
but I feel like Aphrodite herself
descended to Earth.
What is a ravishing
woman like you...
- I never think when I'm naked.
- I do. In the bath.
- Yes. Well, I mean...
- No!
Don't touch it!
- That is my most treasured possession.
- I was only pointing. I was just...
Don't even point.
Rodin.
Yes. A Rodin.
Oh.
I have never seen a more beautiful...
muscular form.
Well, I can assure you,
I'm in much better shape now.
Incroyable. It is a sculpture of you!
Yes.
"Hapi Birthday.
Your pal, Rodin."
- Come, my dear. Let us dine.
- Yes.
Ah, Mr. Fogg, please join us.
No, sorry. We are on a tight schedule.
We will join you, actually.
But just one drink.
After the duke and the duchess
sat down in the bath,
I realized I forgot
to put on my bathing suit.
I'm such a fool.
Always embarrassing myself
in front of visiting dignitaries.
But you know how that can be,
right, Phil?
Uh, yes.
Uh, it's Phileas, actually.
So, Foggy, tell me.
I heard you're an inventor.
Well, I try to apply myself
to thinking of new ways
to help better mankind,
if that's what you mean.
Well, I'm not an inventor,
but I did develop a new way
of irrigating dry land
so that no one in my kingdom
ever has to be hungry.
Oh.
Mr. Fogg invented wheelie shoes.
Not now, Passepartout.
Oh.
Mmm.
- Miss La Roche.
- Hmm?
It is mesmerizing,
the way your face illuminates.
Oh...
Her discoloration could be
an allergic reaction
or a mild form of hives.
Although I've noticed a certain
luminescent glow about her
complexion when she's drawing.
And sometimes, when she's...
concentrating on her latest work,
her ears will actually flutter.
- It's rather fetching.
- Guess who else was in this bath.
U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes.
Shouldn't we be going?
We have a schedule to keep.
Thank you for your hospitality.
It's been absolutely fascinating,
but I'm afraid we must push on.
Yes.
Very well.
The gentlemen are free to go.
But Miss La Roche...
stays here with me.
- To be my wife.
- Hmm?
Yes. Wife number seven.
- You have seven wives?
- One for each day of the week.
- This is absolutely ridiculous!
- No more talk!
Prince Hapi has spoken!
Well, we did say one drink.
Passepartout, we're leaving.
I can tell when we're not wanted.
Monsieur Fogg!
Do Tuesdays work for you?
- Good-bye.
- Thank you!
No!
Halt!
Or Hapi gets smashed!
Please! Anything but my statue of me!
Miss La Roche,
please join us, if you will.
- All of you, drop your weapons.
- Do as he says!
- Get in the tent.
- Everybody!
- Now!
- Let's go. Come on.
Now, take off your clothes
and throw them... Uh...
I assure you the statue is not
armed... harmed in any way.
Get them!
His arm!
Thank you, Phileas.
That was very heroic.
Yes, and needlessly time-consuming.
This is exactly why
I should never have let you come along.
Kill them!
I want my arm!
No!
Sir! I've received a telegram
from Inspector Fix.
- A-ha!
- According to him,
the bank thief and Fogg's valet
are the same man.
Fogg doesn't realize
he's transporting the bank thief!
Or does he?
He did leave town in quite a hurry.
Wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes?
Indeed, Lord Salisbury.
Eh, evading arrest,
stealing a police vehicle,
sounds rather incriminating to me.
One can almost deduce
this entire bet was merely a ruse
to facilitate his escape.
- Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin?
- Yes.
Brilliant, Lord Salisbury.
I shall name a beef-related entre
after you in your honor! Kitchner!
- Sir!
- Inform your men at Scotland Yard
that Phileas Fogg is without a doubt
the man who robbed the Bank of England!
- Where are they now?
- They're taking a train across India,
from Bombay to Calcutta.
Thank God we own India!
I want their faces
in every police station,
army barracks, post office,
railway station and outhouse in India!
We're going to stop Fogg
and get my Jade Buddha back
by any means necessary!
Agra is where we will capture them!
Intercept them at Agra!
Carry on, Cutter!
Move it! Move it! Fall in!
And they were
the greatest kung fu boxers.
Ten Tigers of Canton.
Brothers in arms.
They fought to keep order
and justice in China.
The most famous of Ten Tigers
is Wong Fei Hung.
Armed with
only bamboo sticks...
It's salivating on... please.
Is this your goat?
Did they really fight like tigers?
Each Tiger have their own
animal fighting style.
Like tiger.
Snake. Snake head, snake tail,
snake mouth, snake tongue!
Where are my calculations?
Monkey!
The goat! Passepartout, I'm being
attacked by a ferocious animal!
- It has small horns.
- Sorry, Mr. Fogg.
Please keep that inconsiderate
beast away from me.
And refrain from ridiculous anecdotes.
Why do you not like his story, Mr. Frog?
It's Fogg. Phileas Fogg.
How could a man learn to defend himself
by watching animals behave like...
- animals?
- It is famous legend.
- A ridiculous legend.
- Most legends are born from truth.
Yes.
But all truths are born from facts.
Solid, tangible facts
that can be calculated
and written down on paper.
And then eaten by a goat.
Mr. Feelsillious,
when I tell the story
of the man who circled
the entire world in 80 days,
would that not be a legend?
Only if the man's name
was Feelsillious Frog.
- What the blazes is it now?
- Come this way! Come on!
Look sharp, now. Get 'em!
Find these men!
Uh-oh. Time to go. They seem to think
we robbed the Bank of England.
Preposterous. This is a desperate
attempt by Lord Kelvin
to impede my journey.
I am a British citizen.
I have nothing to fear.
Except bullets.
Listen up!
Have you seen these men?
Come on!
Any word on the bank thieves, sir?
They were on the train.
Keep your rifles ready.
They won't get past us, sir!
Ladies, have you seen these two men?
Look closely. They're very dangerous.
They're everywhere!
This is not going to work!
- Just act like ladies.
- Not a problem.
Hello. Hello! Ah.
- I feel faint.
- Phileas, women are not that weak!
No, but I am.
Hello, darling.
What can I do for you, eh?
What nice hand,
nice eye, nice hair...
Hang about!
Mr. Fogg, what are you doing?
This is no time to sleep.
Stop, stop.
Go, go, go! Get us out of Agra quickly.
Passepartout, we did it.
Hey, wrong way.
Ah!
Phileas? No! No!
Aah! Run! Run, Passepartout!
Ah! Ah!
Ahhh!
Fogg's valet! Heh!
- What are you doing?
- Now I gotcha!
Hand over the Jade Buddha!
Oh!
You're under arrest! Whoa!
Watch me plums! Ooh!
Now you get him very mad! Let's go.
Stop, or I'll arrest you as well!
Run!
- Which way?
- Down!
Again!
Down!
Jump!
- Go, go, go!
- What's upsetting him?
- He wants the Jade Buddha!
- Then give it to him!
- Phileas, wake up!
- Please, please. You must go.
- My husband will be home soon.
- Phileas!
Ow! Ay!
Phileas, help!
Leave her alone! I'll protect you!
Ah!
I'm here, my dear.
Uh, that stumble was
simply to buy me time.
This cane is not as it appears.
If I depress this button, it would
deploy a weapon more deadly than yours.
This... is...
a strange knife.
Isn't it a sextant?
Yes.
Huh.
- Are you all right, my dear?
- Phileas, that was so unlike you. Ah!
You men, come with me!
You'd better put this on.
Perhaps I should wear
women's clothing more often.
Oh.
We should run.
- What, now?
- Mm-hmm.
Yes, we should run.
- Break down the door!
- Okay.
No, not me brains!
- Give me the Jade "Bu-ddha"!
- Okay, okay.
What's "Bu-ddha"?
Get ready to jump! Now!
It is him, the Englishman
who robbed the Bank of England!
He's escaping in that palkee-garry!
Hey, there he is!
They'll check all trains heading east.
If we could make it to the coast, we
can't sail into Singapore or Hong Kong.
- They're both British colonies.
- Does England own everything in Asia?
Not China. Not yet.
Passepartout?
- You look troubled.
- I cannot keep lying to Mr. Fogg.
You did what you had to.
The fate of your village
is of far greater importance
than any bet Phileas has made.
If he loses, all it will
cost him his money and pride.
No, Mr. Fogg will lose
much more than that.
What do you mean?
My village!
- Your village?
- Uh... I mean,
my, what a village!
Oh, it's beautiful!
We do need to stop and
resupply, but we must be off by morning.
- Lau Xing, Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing, Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
Goodness, that's quite a welcome.
Do these people know him?
It must be their custom,
the way they welcome all strangers.
- Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
Whoo!
Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
Ah. Uh...
Oh. It's beautiful.
You are very talented.
Thank you.
You need more blue.
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Sorry?
Vile.
Absolutely vile.
Welcome home, Lau Xing.
Your brothers will be proud.
The whole notion of
a lighter-than-air craft cannot work,
unless you can
harness the power of helium.
Or hydrogen, which is far better...
Yes, well, couldn't have
put it better myself.
As for this Englishman, do you think
such an association is wise?
He is the most disciplined man
I have ever met.
The crane!
The monkey. Very frightening.
Snake.
And, of course, the eagle.
Phileas?
Phileas, I made this for you.
Oh, yes.
Oh, that's very, very good. Yes.
What does this say?
Stupid.
Lau Xing...
I've had quite enough.
I just... I...
Ahhh.
I am going to be abominably ill.
I... I want to die.
Please kill me.
"Dear Father:
I will find the fastest way to China."
It's strong.
Mr. Fogg, I was going to tell you.
- This is your family.
- My name is not Passepartout.
It is Lau Xing.
- I robbed the Bank of England.
- You robbed the Bank of England?
Not for gold or money,
but for the Jade Buddha.
It was stolen from our village.
Phileas, he had no other choice.
This was his only way to get home.
- You knew about this?
- Well...
I have nothing but respect
for you, Mr. Fogg.
Then respect my deductive reasoning.
You have both used me.
You to escape to China,
and you to travel to further
your impressionistic humbug!
Your overtures of... comradeship,
of friendship, of...
All that was a means to ensure
I would take you along.
My entire life,
I got along splendidly by myself.
You've been pebbles in my shoe,
slowing me down, endangering my life,
risking everything,
all I've ever lived for.
And you!
You knew that.
Don't let him go.
He'll be lost by midnight.
Go!
More of your relatives, I suppose.
You can just forget
about a reference.
I beg a thousand pardons, Mr. Fogg.
What's he screaming about?
He's saying, "Please, let me go.
I'm bored."
Why is he in prison?
Urinating in public.
Charming.
At least he had the decency
to be forthcoming about it.
Is there anything you've told me
that's even remotely true?
I really can sing.
# Frre Jacques, Frre Jacques
# Dormez-vous
# Dormez-vous
# Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines
# Ding, ding, ding
Ding, ding, ding #
Ding, dang, dong, Passepartout.
Ding, dang, dong.
Look!
Oh, good. Here comes
Mr. Grumpy and the Leatherettes.
- Where is the Jade Buddha?
- You are better off killing me.
You have nerve.
Are your comrades so brave?
Your threats don't frighten me.
Nor does your silly bracelet.
All right. It's not silly.
I spit on you! France spits on you!
Vive I'Anjou!
- Your turn will come soon enough.
- Coward!
Leave them alone. Fight me.
Yes, fight him.
Let's see how ferocious you really are.
Hey, that's cheating!
- Look out!
- Huh?
Left!
Behind you!
No!
- Hit them!
- Silence!
You savages!
Phileas, help him!
- Watch out on the right.
- Huh?
No, my right.
Stop helping me!
What's happening?
Where is Passepartout?
How is he getting on?
I wouldn't say he's winning,
but, uh, I think he's doing all right.
Go home to mama.
Huh?
- What took you so long?
- I had to finish my lunch.
Wong Fei Hung!
Surely you're not foolish enough
to take on all of my men by yourself?
Ten Tigers?
Kill them!
Execute the prisoners!
I want their heads on pikes!
What's happening?
Phileas!
Ohhh!
Passepartout... Knife!
- Merci.
- You're welcome.
You promise me that Black Scorpions
will never come back to Lanzhou.
These are my brothers and sister.
The Ten Tigers.
- But there are only nine.
- Including me.
They're real.
The legend was true.
- Mr. Fogg...
- Passepartout,
or whatever your name is,
save your apologies.
Phileas, he risked his life
for what he believes in.
If anyone understands that, you do.
Please ensure Miss La Roche
finds safe passage home.
This should be adequate.
Oh.
I, uh, believe this is your veil.
I will never dress like a woman again.
Ever.
Mr. Fogg.
Please let me help you win your bet.
I have secured the services
of a more reliable gentleman.
Yes. Well, perhaps I'll just, uh,
travel alone.
Fifi La Belle!
She sings! She dances!
She does the dance of the...
You, sir, come right in.
See Miss Fifi La Belle in all her...
Ah, the most modern city in the world.
Finally, civilization.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Can anyone direct me
to the Pacific Railroad Station?
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
I'm such a... rutabaga sometimes.
No, no, no.
Please, it's my fault entirely.
- Let me, uh...
- Oh... Ah!
Oh. Oh, Lord,
I think I sprained my knee.
Uh! Ooh.
I should find you a physician.
There's a doctor who has
an office around the corner.
Excellent.
Well, uh, I'll get him for you.
Thank you.
There should be more people
like you in this world.
Whoo, doggy! Jackpot!
Whoo!
Mon Dieu.
Can you imagine Phileas alone
in a place like this?
I'm sure he's fine.
Alms.
Alms.
Alms for the poor?
Arms?
You already got arms.
It's money you need.
I can't even scrounge proficiently.
Hey.
Cheer up, pal. You just gotta
figure out what'll work for you.
Now, what makes you
different from them?
I'm hungry and miserable.
No. You stink.
Your stink is your most powerful weapon
in your begging arsenal.
Watch this.
Hey.
- Give me money.
- Sure. Don't touch me. You stink.
- That guy smells like a dead horse!
- I'm not proud of it.
Simple, yet effective.
- Yeah, I see.
- You try.
Give it a shot. I got faith in you.
Excuse me. Now, uh, you...
Ah.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
That's gonna happen about half the time.
It's a volume business.
- Hunk of cheese?
- Oh, yes, I would rather...
Maybe later.
What are them drawings?
You some kind of devil worshipper?
Don't you be putting a hex on me.
I'll cut you.
- I'm an inventor.
- That's nice.
Or, rather, I was.
One day I will build a machine
that will allow man to fly.
Flying men? Where?
- Nowhere.
- Where are the flying men?
- Where are the flying men?
- Over there.
The bird men are coming! I knew it!
The bird men are coming!
The bird men are coming!
The birds! The bird men!
Bird men! Birds!
"I traveled the world for inspiration
and found it in a man...
who lives what he dreams."
- Phileas?
- No.
Passepartout! Monique!
Mr. Fogg.
You crossed the Pacific Ocean.
For me?
- We will help you win your bet.
- Mr. Fogg, I would never let you down.
- But why would you do this?
- Because you are our friend,
and perhaps... more.
More with her. You and me?
We just stick with friends.
- Ooh.
- Oof!
Lord Kelvin, I can
offer you something much more precious
than a single Jade Buddha.
Beneath Lanzhou are a series
of untapped jade reserves.
If the town were to be overrun,
those reserves would be ours.
I see.
However, should Phileas Fogg
win this race,
I will have neither the power nor
the means to hand over any arsenal.
Then I will see to it personally
that Mr. Fogg's journey is cut short.
Very well.
Let us consider our deal to be...
Still, it's a first-rate idea, sir.
What's this blocking my jade reserves?
That will have to be demolished.
But that is
the Great Wall of China, sir.
But that is
the Great Wall of China, sir.
It's not that great.
Passepartout went
to get help hours ago.
What if he's lost, or...
Don't fret, my dear.
Passepartout's a warrior
with impeccable survival instincts.
No doubt he'll return with help, and we
will board our train with time to spare.
Agua.
Perhaps I'm being a little optimistic.
Help!
- Help us!
- Help!
Ah! A rattlesnake!
Help!
I don't want to die!
Ah. Good morning.
- Howdy.
- Hey.
Crazy English cowboy wannabe man.
How's about going someplace else?
You're blocking the path.
Wilbur, it's him.
I'll be damned.
Mr. Fogg, my name is Orville Wright.
This is my brother, Wilbur.
- We're big fans of yours.
- Fan's a strong word.
Better way to say it's we got a lot
of money riding on you to win your bet.
We're gonna use
our winnings to build this.
Orville, maybe now is not the time.
Let me explain it to Mr. Fogg.
Just one second. Forgive my brother.
He's got his head up in the clouds.
He's one of these dreamers who thinks
man's gonna go swooshing around
on the planet
like a little hummingbird.
Yeah, we're all gonna fly.
He thinks so, too.
It's kind of sad. I'm sorry.
He's kind of a moron.
He's mastered the cable steering system.
The drag-and-lift ratio.
- This is brilliant.
- Thank you.
That's what I've been saying,
but Orville doesn't listen.
All that stuff about mastering...
That's what I say.
You gotta have faith in me, no matter
how crazy big brother's dreams sound.
- But you told me...
- You gotta have confidence.
- You've got to speak up and support me.
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
Have you come across our friend
on your way here?
Who are we looking for?
Passepartout.
You mean the crazy,
half-naked Chinese guy
we saw running around,
where he was like...
- Singing "Frre Jacques"?
- With a cow skull on his head?
- Possibly.
- Yes.
- He's in the back of the wagon.
- Passepartout.
- You are alive!
- Is that you, Grandma?
- Bye-bye.
- Good luck. Go win the bet.
- No pressure, but you gotta win it.
- Bye.
Now, you see, to get the real
classy dames, you gotta invent stuff.
I did.
"I did"? What's with the "I did"?
We're the Wright Brothers.
We did. Now go.
Hyah!
They're not going to make it!
Ah-ha-ha! New York, New York!
So much to see! So little time!
Our steamer leaves in ten minutes!
Go, go, go! Go, go, go!
- We're never going to make it.
- Phileas Fogg?
Autograph this for me?
It's for the wife.
Certainly. This business about me
robbing the Bank of England...
Ah, I'm from Ireland. Nice goin'.
The boat. Follow me.
I know a shortcut. Make a lane!
Make a lane!
Where are we?
- Ah!
- Whoa!
- That's a big man.
- It is a lady. A French lady.
She looks like an evil
Chinese warlord to me.
Your journey has caused
quite a stir, Mr. Fogg,
but I'm afraid it ends here.
Leave them alone.
This has nothing to do with them.
On the contrary, Lau Xing,
Lord Kelvin and I have made
new arrangements to conquer Lanzhou.
Unfortunately for Mr. Fogg,
they entail his... permanent detour.
I knew Kelvin was duplicitous,
but to align himself
with such a little scoundrel!
You're not a scoundrel,
but you are quite small!
As in petite, but most definitely lethal
and generally very scary.
One, two...
- Go!
- Three!
- Go up there.
- Stop them.
Passepartout, my cane!
Uh, there.
Passepartout!
Help! We are trapped!
Help!
Passepartout! Help!
There you are!
You have a knife in your buttock.
It's the evil Chinese warlord!
- Ooh!
- Huh?
She's coming!
The boat!
Up there! Hurry! Go, go, go!
Go, Mr. Fogg. There's not much time.
Wait, wait! What am I thinking?
Passepartout can't defeat them.
He's nine Tigers short.
Phileas, I do believe you are becoming
the man of my dreams.
When this is over,
let's hope the arms and legs
of the man of your dreams
are still attached to the torso...
of the man of your dreams.
- You have failed to stop him.
- Then your death will have to suffice.
Let go of me!
The book! It's going to fall!
How can we save...
- Phileas?
- I will save him...
Wah!
Mr. Fogg!
No!
Oh. Passepartout?
Passepartout!
- Huh?
- You're alive!
Are you injured?
Yes, well, uh...
Rules are made to be broken.
Or, uh, stabbed by a spiky shoe.
Mr. Fogg, you missed the ship.
You'll lose your bet.
Oh. At least I didn't lose a friend.
You must be the eleventh Tiger.
Meow!
- Let's go. We must catch the next ship.
- It would never reach London in time.
No. No! No!
We are not giving up!
I almost died! You almost died!
We take the next ship
and win that bet!
Very well.
- Let's go.
- Yes!
Thank you.
Yes. Yes! Yes!
Oh, it's hopeless.
By those calculations,
I'm still behind by one day.
- There must be some way!
- Phileas Fogg on my boat?
What an honor, sir!
I've quite a penny wagered on you.
The wife's none too happy about it.
Then again, she hasn't cracked a smile
since that shark almost devoured me.
Got 'em both in one bite.
Ah, it's Inspector Fix!
My goodness! He made it
around the world before Fogg!
I came back from India
the short way, you ninny!
I take it you don't have
Phileas Fogg in that valise.
A little Jade Buddha, perhaps?
That's the last
of the coal, Captain.
Mr. Fogg.
I'm sorry to say,
we've burnt the last of the coal.
But I've had a word with the crew,
and all of them...
have agreed to burn their shoes.
The effort is appreciated, Captain.
Unfortunately,
we've gained a mere six hours.
- Even shoes cannot help us now.
- Must be something we can do.
That's it.
I've got it.
Birds.
Excellent idea! We'll burn birds!
No, we'll fly to London.
We follow the laws of physics
mastered by the birds millennia ago
and combine it with the Wright
Brothers' steering system.
Most people would laugh at you.
But not us. We care about you.
Captain, I'm afraid
I have to ask permission
to dismantle your ship
to build this machine.
Dismantle Carmen?
But she's me livelihood,
me most loyal companion.
Never, never, ever!
What if I could direct you
to an impeccable physician
who could replace both your nipples,
at my expense,
and I will give you enough money
to buy a brand-new ship?
You had me at the nipples.
- Cornelius, fetch me me tools! Now!
- Aye, aye, Captain!
One, two! One, two!
Timber!
I'll go sharpen the propeller.
Wrong way. Not looking.
Just one more.
That's it! Right, lads, tie it off!
The Greenwich time zone. The last time
I shall set my watch ahead.
Well...
- Shall we fly?
- Let's.
Mr. Fogg. Hurrah!
Hurrah!
Inspiring words.
- Very well. Prepare for takeoff!
- Yes, sir!
- Mr. Fogg, are you sure?
- No!
Whoa!
How the hell are we getting back?
Whoa!
- Now!
- Ohhh!
You did it, Phileas! We are flying!
My God! It's...
magical!
- Better than your dreams?
- Better than my dreams.
Hey! Don't forget to steer!
It's a...
a telegram from...
General Fang, sir.
We're going to make it!
- This all right?
- Oh, dear.
- This is exactly like a dream I had.
- You dream of winning the race?
- No, of crashing to my death.
- Don't worry. I'm gonna get it.
- Look up there!
- Great Scott!
Look! A flying machine!
- Don't step on the wing!
- It's Phileas Fogg!
Sir, rumor has it a flying machine
is heading for the Royal Academy,
our bank thief at the pedals.
Some people will believe anything.
A flying machine is
heading for the Academy!
- The bank thief is pedaling!
- See what I mean?
Help!
Well done, Passepartout!
The wing ropes!
Just a minor setback.
Another minor setback.
All right, this is a major setback.
A flying machine is headed
for the Royal Academy,
and witnesses swear
that it's Phileas Fogg.
Faster, Passepartout! Faster!
- We're losing altitude!
- Landing gear?
That would have been
an excellent idea!
The bird men are here!
No. I will not lose this wager!
He is not to reach the top step.
Get the police. Here. Now!
I want Fogg arrested the moment
his feet touch British soil!
Oh!
- I'm sorry...
- Right in my ear!
Passepartout, get back in your seat.
We're going to return to the ground!
Stop! Kitchner! Hold your ground!
Why are they fleeing?
Cowards!
Hold on!
Make it to the top step!
- New Zealand. We didn't go there.
- Top step.
Arrest them!
They robbed the Bank of England!
No, no!
Nonsense! Where is your proof?
This is the Royal Academy of Science!
We don't need to prove anything!
Besides which,
by the time you get out of jail,
you'll have lost the wager.
Noon.
We did our best.
Out of me way! Move it!
I used to be somebody important!
Should have thrown him
through a higher window.
- Get off!
- Get rid of this buffoon!
That's the thanks I get for going
halfway around the world to stop Fogg?
He also sent a Chinese warlord
to kill Phileas Fogg!
That's right. He did!
Lies! All of it!
- Kitchner!
- Yes?
- Tell them!
- Oh, well, yes, uh...
- Well, the thing of it...
- You mumbling moron!
Salisbury, translate Kitchner's blather.
I... Me... I... Yes. Yes!
- Rhodes!
- The thing of it is,
I don't want to make a fuss.
You spineless cretins!
That man stuck me with quills!
Bunches of them!
Yes! Lord Kelvin's a bully!
It's true! I hate to admit it,
but I'm a battered lord.
- No!
- Oh, boo-hoo!
So what if I did
try to kill Phileas Fogg?
What are you gutless peons
going to do about it?
I hold all the power!
I run everything!
So which of you half-wits
is going to stop me? You? You? You?
- The queen!
- The queen?
Oh, the queen!
That inbred, antiquated old cow!
The only way she could stop me
is if she sat on me!
With her big, fat royal bottom!
She's behind me, isn't she?
Oh, Your Majesty.
I have just apprehended the culprits
who robbed the Bank of England.
- No, Majesty!
- Rubbish!
Quiet!
I love being able to do that.
So, Lord Kelvin,
unsportsmanlike conduct,
attempted murder,
trading my arsenal for Buddhas.
How do you know about that?
I never said...
Admit it. You've been
a naughty boy, haven't you?
Your Majesty, I assure you,
there is an explanation for all of this.
What it was, was, was...
I was... I... I was simply...
simply...
Why do they always run?
Arrest him.
Get out of my way, you fools!
Unhand me! Don't you know who I am?
I'll kill you!
I'll have you for this, Fogg!
So, is this Phileas Fogg's
miraculous flying invention?
Your Majesty, we all invented it.
I'm very impressed,
and that doesn't happen often.
Thank you.
But still, we failed
to help Phileas win his bet.
- I'm sorry, Phileas.
- Don't be, my chri.
I saw the world.
I learnt of new cultures.
I flew across an ocean.
I wore women's clothing.
Oh?
Made a friend.
Fell in love.
- Who cares if I lost a wager?
- I do.
- I've got 20 quid riding on you.
- Your Majesty, it has gone 12 noon.
Correct. Which gives you
- Could we have miscounted?
- No.
I moved Mr. Fogg's watch ahead one hour
as we passed each time zone.
The international date line.
We set our watches forward
at 20 more time zones, so...
here it's still day 79.
- So, we've...
- We've won!
We won, we won...
Thank God. Ah!
Your Majesty, I...
I apologize. Do forgive me.
- I quite forgot myself.
- Go and win your bet, Mr. Fogg.
I shall need a new minister of science.
Uh, yes, of course, Your Majesty.
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
Go!
- We won, Phileas! We won!
- Yes!
We won!
Oh, well done!
Go ahead.
Surround the building!
You go that way! You go this way!
There he is!
- Come on!
- After him, men!
That way!
- He came this way. I'm sure of it.
- Come on!
Come on, mates! Keep up!
Sorry, sir.
Today is the day I will finally achieve
what has been deemed impossible.
Man can break
the 50-mile-per-hour speed barrier.
And you're lucky
to be a part of it, Pierre.
- It's Jean Michel, sir.
- Yes.
We will make history.
Or we will die trying.
- Die?
- This is very exciting.
That's it!
I refuse to be catapulted,
electrocuted, or have my internal organs
disrupted any longer!
I quit!
He is a very sick man!
The electrocution was not my fault!
You refused to wear
the rubber underpants!
We're looking for a bank robber.
Is there no man brave enough
to be my valet?
Oh... Aah!
I'm your new valet.
Uh... I must commend
the valet service
on their impeccable foresight.
But they know I only
accept French valets.
Yes. Oh! Oui! Oui!
I come from a long line
of French valets.
On my father's side.
Very, very French.
- But your accent.
- My father French. Never speak.
My mother Chinese and never shuts up.
All the children pick up her accent.
Very well.
Will you be willing to risk your life
to challenge the laws of physics?
- Yes. Uh, and I can sing, too.
- Excellent. Pop this little hat on.
- He's got to be in here.
- He's this way!
And the throttle in your
right hand controls the speed.
- How do I stop?
- Godspeed!
Uh-uh-uh...
Twenty-five miles per hour.
Yes, the pressure's stable-ish.
We need more speed, man.
Waah! Wee-yoo!
Forty miles per hour.
Hang on in there, my good man.
Forty-seven.
Forty-eight.
Forty-nine.
Eureka! We've done it!
Uh...
Waaah!
I say, I say. Uh, good morning.
- I'm looking for a man with...
- Over here!
There he is. There's my valet.
Sorry! New valet.
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
You'll be able to let go any second.
The pack will run out of steam
in exactly three, two, one.
Now.
Look out!
- That was incredible!
- We've broken the human speed barrier.
Good-bye, sir.
It's been very nice valeting for you.
Let's... do it again soon.
Please, wait!
With you as my brave valet,
I can test all my inventions.
No!
Spread out!
- Cover that...
- Yes, yes.
- I take the job.
- Splendid!
I can't wait to present
my results to the Academy.
Too kind. Too kind. Thank you.
And with this grant to develop
new applications for copper wire,
Dr. Ramsey invented this.
Needless to say,
the Royal Academy of Science
declared this crackpot
mentally incompetent,
and he was duly dispatched
to a lunatic asylum.
Sir. I have an urgent
announcement for you. Here.
Don't just stand there. Read it.
Oh. Um...
"It is with great distress
that Scotland Yard announces
that the Bank of England...
has been robbed."
My stolen Jade Buddha stolen?
You blighter!
You gave me every assurance that
the Bank of England was impenetrable!
Sir, sir, I said, "lmpregnable."
It's the same thing, you idiot!
Please, please, not the quills!
Lord Salisbury!
Please contact General Fang
and inform her, no Buddha, no deal.
To forgo your obligation would
be dishonorable, Lord Kelvin.
A woman in the Royal Academy?
The Jade Buddha was delivered
by us to the Bank of England.
- What happens while in British hands...
- Is absolutely your concern.
Colonel Kitchner,
chief of Scotland Yard,
please inform General Fang
what other items were stolen
from the bank.
Nothing else.
Exactly. It seems
your little land dispute
has spilled over
onto our noble shore.
Until the Jade Buddha
is back in my possession,
you and your cause will receive no
British military assistance whatsoever.
Kitchner.
My agents will retrieve the Jade
Buddha once again, Lord Kelvin.
This time, do not let it
slip through your fingers.
A female general.
What sort of pathetic man
takes orders from a woman?
Cor!
- Come away from here.
- Oh, Dad. Can't we stay?
My wind-powered pulley system
circulates the house with fresh air.
Kitchen items are to be placed
on the white boat,
and the blue is for laundry.
But most importantly,
this supplies the house
with a running current of electricity.
Electricity.
This is my comprehensive
data schedule and list of regulations.
It's quite simple. You're never
to divert one iota from my plans.
I must live my life
with total efficiency...
to maximize my inventing capacity,
thus enabling me to do
the most I can for mankind.
Uh, Mr. Fogg, you are a noble,
precise gentleman.
Thank you. Uh... Sorry.
What was your name? Ahem.
Passport. Too.
Passepartout.
Bottled light.
A miracle.
Hardly.
Just undiscovered science from
an American named Thomas Edison.
It turns on with a whistle.
Please don't do that.
Ah, I see your eye is drawn
to what I hope will one day
be my crowning achievement.
A giant moth?
- It's a flying machine.
- It can fly?
Yes.
No. But it will... one day.
One day it will transport people
through the air.
Perhaps over entire oceans.
Uh-oh.
I'm going to have
to make a rule for this.
Dear Father:
I will find the fastest way
back to China...
to make our village safe once again.
Passepartout?
Departure for the Royal Academy
of Science in two minutes.
Prepare my urban transport device.
Prepare my urban transport device.
It's the shoes
with little wheels on them.
It's the shoes
with little wheels on them.
Clear the way. Clear the way.
Mr. Fogg coming through.
Watch out! Watch out!
Excuse me. Out of way.
- Gangway.
- Fogg's arrived.
- Gangway. Ooh!
- Hey!
That makes it exactly
ten minutes before noon.
That will be all.
Gentlemen.
Today I have proved that man
can break the 50-mile-per-hour
speed barrier
without disrupting
his internal organs.
Where is your Royal Academy
of Science authorization?
What am I thinking? What a fool.
That would mean that you
were a real scientist!
By your definition,
a real scientist's objective
would be to prevent man from progress.
We live in a golden age, Fogg.
Everything worth discovering
has been discovered.
Yet ridiculous dreamers
like you insist
on a past filled with dinosaurs...
and evolution.
And on a future filled
with motorized vehicles,
radio waves,
and flying machines!
Confound it! The bloody
Bank of England is a madhouse!
Rumor has it the bloke's a foreigner.
An Asian chap.
Rumor has it the bloke's a foreigner.
Nothing.
Yes, I heard it was a Chinese fellow,
and he acted alone.
No. Actually,
they say he was Norwegian.
In fact, though, it was a gang
of elderly Norwegians.
I heard it from a very reliable source
that it was a gang
of redheaded elderly Norwegians
with very tiny feet.
It's about time
someone robbed that bank.
Like this very institution,
the Bank of England is outdated.
As usual, your contempt
for tradition is appalling.
You rest on your traditions,
if you prefer,
but, as with this bank robber,
progress waits for no one.
So now you're an expert
on the bank thief as well.
Give us the benefit
of your ineffable wisdom, Fogg.
Twenty-six minutes ago,
a ship left Dover for Paris.
From there, the thief
takes the Orient Express,
where he transfers to a steamer,
from Istanbul to India.
In little over a month,
that man could be in China.
If we're to believe Fogg's calculations,
he will have circled the globe
and returned to England in a fortnight.
Actually, by my calculations, it would
be closer to, uh, exactly 80 days.
Outstanding idea.
Well, then, Fogg,
let's see you circumnavigate the world
in 80 days.
I... That would be
a fruitless use of my time.
I'm on the verge of numerous...
countless... scientific breakthroughs.
You coward. Admit it.
It cannot be done.
It can! I could do it.
A wager.
10,000.
Unlike you and your colleagues,
money does not inspire me.
I believe every man has his price.
Even you, o noble Phileas Fogg.
There must be something I could offer
that would be worthy of your time.
There is. Your position as head
of the Royal Academy.
I could lead Britain
and the rest of the world
into a new age of progress
and discovery.
- Fair enough.
- What?
I, Lord Kelvin, hereby vow
to surrender my position as minister
of science to Phileas Fogg...
- No!
- No! No!
if he can circumnavigate
the globe...
in no more than 80 days.
But if he cannot,
he must never set foot
in this academy again,
he must tear down that abhorrent eyesore
he calls a laboratory,
and he must swear...
never to invent again.
Just as I always suspected, Fogg.
You promise so much, yet you deliver...
oh, nothing.
- I'll take your wager.
- What did you say?
I'll take your wager!
He did it.
Then it's done.
A man who has never set foot
out of England circling the globe.
This is going to be rather amusing.
History won't remember your amusement,
but it will be hard-pressed to forget
the moment I'm standing on the very top
step of the Royal Academy of Science.
By the strike of noon,
after I, Phileas Fogg,
have traveled around the world
in 80 days!
Oh, dear.
Mr. Fogg, we all pack and ready to go.
Mr. Fogg, are you in here?
Phileas! Phileas! Phileas!
- Uh...
- Mr. Fogg, are you well, sir?
Huh?
Uh, Passepartout.
Would you... sit with me a moment?
Yes, sir.
I risked everything,
my entire life's work.
For something you believe in.
Nothing could make
more sense than that, sir.
You are honorable, Passepartout.
But I'm afraid this was
a calamitous lapse of judgment.
- Mr. Fogg?
- Yes?
- Let your family...
- There is no one left to tell.
This house and my inventions
are all I have.
And a brave French valet that will help
you make it around the world in 80 days.
- You really believe we can succeed?
- Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes!
You're mad. We'll be sliced to pieces
before we reach India.
We're with you, sir!
Good luck!
Halt!
- Quite a contraption here, Mr. Fogg.
- Thank you, Inspector.
But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to detain
you and your valet until further notice.
This here doohickey is in violation
of the city's new vehicle code.
Vehicle code?
Code 431.
All vehicles
must be powered by horses.
Or other indigenous
quadruped creatures of the like,
excluding giraffes and...
You're driveling. Stand aside.
I'm about to embark upon
a journey around the world.
Not in this monstrosity,
you're not. No!
- Mm-mm.
- That's hot.
It's... Ow!
Time to go.
We have a boat to catch.
Stealing a police vehicle is not
an acceptable way to begin our journey.
- Not stealing. Borrowing.
- Excuse us.
We're borrowing this vehicle
to catch our ship to Paris,
if someone could inform
the appropriate authorities.
Bloody hell! Me brain's leakin'!
Ahh! Damn that nincompoop Fix.
What's the point of hiring
a corrupt police officer
if he can't abuse the law properly?
- Kitchner.
- Sir!
Tell Fix to pack his bags.
- He's going on a trip.
- Right away, sir.
Hmm. Smart man.
Passepartout, tell this
impudent fellow we must
leave within six and a half hours, or we
miss our connection in Constantinople.
Yes, sir. Please.
We are in a great hurry.
- Passepartout?
- Yes?
In French.
Sacre bleu, la champignon,
chateau, bien, franoise, voil,
ooh-la-la, foie de gras.
- What did he say?
- Uh...
He say...
- What?
- He says not to worry.
The next train will leave in five hours.
Good time for sightseeing.
Passepartout, this is
a scientific expedition, not a holiday!
I will not miss this train.
Ah!
- Very amazing.
- What?
What does it say?
Eddie Thomason will be
showing his inventions.
Thomas Edison? Here in Paris?
What a chance for you
to meet another great inventor.
I would quite like to tell him
about my whistle modification.
Good idea.
See? Exposition. Science.
I assure you these are not
the works of Thomas Edison.
Uh, I think he is
somewhere around here.
Wait a moment. This isn't science.
This is art.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
That painting is highly inaccurate.
It's not supposed
to be accurate.
The artist views reality
through imagination
rather than simply recording it.
It is called "lmpressionism."
Well, um, I'm not impressed.
Trees are not violet,
grass is not charcoal,
and a man cannot...
fly.
You feel something.
You dream of flying.
Or of naked men.
- Sometimes.
- Ah.
The flying. N-N-Not the men.
I am glad you like my painting.
Monique La Roche.
Phileas Fogg. I must say, it's a lot
better than these amateurs.
What did he say?
Oh, no.
Non.
Goodness. What was that all about?
Well, a wealthy gentleman
bought my painting for a lot of money.
Champagne for everyone!
I'm still looking for Mr. Eddie.
Nice painting.
Have you considered
a career in schematic drawing?
No. It would be far too limiting.
At least your work
shows genuine promise.
Thank you. Those I painted
many months ago.
I was lacking inspiration.
I found some men
to help me find Mr. "Edimon."
- This way.
- Thank you. Thank you.
He's very eager.
Get him!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, it's terrible, no?
No, no, it's...
- clever.
- Oh.
Hmm. Yes.
- He's a clown.
- Mm-hmm.
And yet...
he's incredibly angry.
The irony is, uh, terrifying.
- Is that good?
- Is it?
Ah, this is interesting.
Without opposable thumbs,
a dog could never play poker.
Yes, they can.
Where have you seen
a dog playing poker?
Right there.
Perhaps I'm not the best judge.
Bandits! They come to take away
all the paintings!
- Quickly! Come this way!
- Passepartout!
Go, go, go!
Thank you, Miss La Roche.
You may just have saved our trip.
- There you are.
- I would, uh...
- I would like to repay you.
- Take me with you.
- What?
- I'm stifled here. Pigeonholed.
They think of me only
as a coat-check girl!
- Why?
- Because I am the coat-check girl.
- Ah.
- Look.
The leading art critic in Paris.
Look what he wrote
about one of my paintings.
- I can't read this. It's French.
- I wish I couldn't.
Why do you carry it?
When I do succeed,
I can throw it in his face, but for now,
I need a world journey to inspire me.
I'm inspired to get us
back on schedule.
Let's see. Wind velocity
approximately twelve knots,
factoring in air density...
Outstanding!
Passepartout, onward! Ah.
There we go. Passepartout,
tell him to keep the change.
Uh...
fromage, por favor.
We are going around
the world in 80 days!
The balloon cannot
support all this weight!
Your hot air should compensate, no?
Get off!
- What are they doing?
- They're being disorderly.
Hey! Let go! Let go!
Hey! Passepartout!
My valise! It has all my money in it.
Hey, lady, lady, lady! It's my bag.
No, that is my bag.
No, that's not your bag. It's my bag!
- No!
- You crazy.
Yes.
That tickles!
You took my bag.
Mr. Fogg!
- Good catch!
- Thank you.
Ooh!
Those are the gallery bandits.
Oh, yes!
Ah.
He stole my purse!
This devil stole my purse!
My bag! He took my... Ah!
- We've stolen that old lady's purse.
- Huh. Here.
We must help Passepartout.
How do I make this go lower?
What are you doing?
Decrease the overall weight...
- That's not going to work.
- Yes, it is.
Physics, no?
Yes.
Ahhh...
Bonjour.
Bonjour.
- Eh?
- Bye-bye!
Wake up, lady! Wake up, lady!
Wake up! Lady, wake up!
- Bye, mama.
- Merci.
Bye, baby.
Ohh...
Very impressive. I'd have let go by now.
The statue's grabbing his trousers.
I don't think it's doing it on purpose.
Oh, dear.
Help!
Well done, Passepartout.
We're still on schedule
despite those dogged thieves.
Yes, yes. Thank you.
Those art thieves
seemed to recognize you.
- I look like someone they know.
- Some other Frenchman, perhaps?
- So, where can we drop you off?
- We're not stopping.
Once we land to board
the Orient Express, you are free to go.
Thank you so much.
- For what?
- I'm free to go with you.
I did not say you were free to come.
- I said you were free to go.
- Where?
- Anywhere.
- Thank you. I will go with you.
- No, you will not, Miss La Roche.
- Monique.
Miss... Monique!
There! Now we are getting along.
Comme c'est beau.
C'est magnifique.
Toutes ces couleurs.
Look at the sunrise.
There is only one word for it.
- "Magical."
- Miss La Roche!
I refuse to allow you
to continue traveling with us.
I'm not traveling with you.
I'm making my own way.
Maybe you shouldn't travel with me.
This is what happens
when you leave your home.
You meet... people!
Why are you keeping up this ruse?
Perhaps I should inform Mr. Fogg,
and together he and I can speculate.
A very sacred object
was stolen from my village.
I have taken it back.
Incroyable.
For many centuries, the Jade Buddha
has protected my people.
It has never left our village until now.
And those art thieves. Who are they?
The Black Scorpions.
They work for an evil warlord. Fang.
She wants the Buddha
so she can take over my village.
I must return the Jade Buddha
to protect Lanzhou.
Mr. Fogg is the fastest way.
Perhaps, then,
we can help one another.
I will keep your secret,
and you convince Mr. Fogg
to allow me to travel
the world with you.
Keep this Dummkopf in his seat,
or we throw him off!
Merely pointing out if they coordinated
their coal-shoveling technique,
they could maximize our speed.
When we reach Constantinople, I suggest
you board a train we are not on.
- Uh, Mr. Fogg, she must come with us.
- And why is that?
Uh, we just discovered that we are
related from the same family.
I'm her father's second cousin's sister
on my mother's side. French.
Monsieur Fogg. If I make the train
go faster, I can come with you, oui?
Yes.
I bid you farewell, Miss La Roche.
If there's anything else you would like,
just let us know, Miss La Roche.
Ah! Voil.
Champagne with your first-class seats,
Mademoiselle La Roche.
Merci.
- Champagne?
- No, thank you.
- Merci.
- Monsieur.
A tea?
Okay.
How to make English tea.
Precisely 96 degrees.
Ooh.
Excuse me, sir.
- Fogg's valet!
- A jade Buddha!
- This is not a jade Buddha.
- Oh, yes, it is!
- You're right. But I'm not a valet.
Oh. Really?
Owww!
Me bloody nose!
Let me in!
You're gonna pay for scorchin' me willy!
Heh-heh-heh-heh. Now I gotcha.
Ow! Oh! Ow!
Ahhh!
You're under arrest!
Ah! Ooh! Ow!
Sorry!
Why the devil are we stopping?
Prince Hapi would be honored
to have Fogg
and his traveling companions
at his banquet.
How very flattering.
But please inform Prince "Happy"
that we are on a very tight schedule.
Prince Hapi demands it.
Then Prince Hapi
will have to get accustomed
to not getting everything he wants.
It is magnificent.
Mr. Fogg, his house
is even bigger than yours.
His collection, his taste...
It is exquisite.
Yes, it is.
Not good.
Very old. Look. Broken.
And where is His Highness?
Oh. The prince is also
a talented musician.
If I did nothing
but lounge about the palace,
I'd learn to pluck a few notes.
Let's make this brief.
I'll pose for photographs,
wearing a turban,
holding an atlas...
Mademoiselle.
How magical that our paths should cross.
Do you believe in fate?
Is that what you call it
when one stops a train
and kidnaps its passengers?
Phileas Fogg.
Please forgive me,
but I feel like Aphrodite herself
descended to Earth.
What is a ravishing
woman like you...
- I never think when I'm naked.
- I do. In the bath.
- Yes. Well, I mean...
- No!
Don't touch it!
- That is my most treasured possession.
- I was only pointing. I was just...
Don't even point.
Rodin.
Yes. A Rodin.
Oh.
I have never seen a more beautiful...
muscular form.
Well, I can assure you,
I'm in much better shape now.
Incroyable. It is a sculpture of you!
Yes.
"Hapi Birthday.
Your pal, Rodin."
- Come, my dear. Let us dine.
- Yes.
Ah, Mr. Fogg, please join us.
No, sorry. We are on a tight schedule.
We will join you, actually.
But just one drink.
After the duke and the duchess
sat down in the bath,
I realized I forgot
to put on my bathing suit.
I'm such a fool.
Always embarrassing myself
in front of visiting dignitaries.
But you know how that can be,
right, Phil?
Uh, yes.
Uh, it's Phileas, actually.
So, Foggy, tell me.
I heard you're an inventor.
Well, I try to apply myself
to thinking of new ways
to help better mankind,
if that's what you mean.
Well, I'm not an inventor,
but I did develop a new way
of irrigating dry land
so that no one in my kingdom
ever has to be hungry.
Oh.
Mr. Fogg invented wheelie shoes.
Not now, Passepartout.
Oh.
Mmm.
- Miss La Roche.
- Hmm?
It is mesmerizing,
the way your face illuminates.
Oh...
Her discoloration could be
an allergic reaction
or a mild form of hives.
Although I've noticed a certain
luminescent glow about her
complexion when she's drawing.
And sometimes, when she's...
concentrating on her latest work,
her ears will actually flutter.
- It's rather fetching.
- Guess who else was in this bath.
U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes.
Shouldn't we be going?
We have a schedule to keep.
Thank you for your hospitality.
It's been absolutely fascinating,
but I'm afraid we must push on.
Yes.
Very well.
The gentlemen are free to go.
But Miss La Roche...
stays here with me.
- To be my wife.
- Hmm?
Yes. Wife number seven.
- You have seven wives?
- One for each day of the week.
- This is absolutely ridiculous!
- No more talk!
Prince Hapi has spoken!
Well, we did say one drink.
Passepartout, we're leaving.
I can tell when we're not wanted.
Monsieur Fogg!
Do Tuesdays work for you?
- Good-bye.
- Thank you!
No!
Halt!
Or Hapi gets smashed!
Please! Anything but my statue of me!
Miss La Roche,
please join us, if you will.
- All of you, drop your weapons.
- Do as he says!
- Get in the tent.
- Everybody!
- Now!
- Let's go. Come on.
Now, take off your clothes
and throw them... Uh...
I assure you the statue is not
armed... harmed in any way.
Get them!
His arm!
Thank you, Phileas.
That was very heroic.
Yes, and needlessly time-consuming.
This is exactly why
I should never have let you come along.
Kill them!
I want my arm!
No!
Sir! I've received a telegram
from Inspector Fix.
- A-ha!
- According to him,
the bank thief and Fogg's valet
are the same man.
Fogg doesn't realize
he's transporting the bank thief!
Or does he?
He did leave town in quite a hurry.
Wouldn't you say, Lord Rhodes?
Indeed, Lord Salisbury.
Eh, evading arrest,
stealing a police vehicle,
sounds rather incriminating to me.
One can almost deduce
this entire bet was merely a ruse
to facilitate his escape.
- Don't you agree, Lord Kelvin?
- Yes.
Brilliant, Lord Salisbury.
I shall name a beef-related entre
after you in your honor! Kitchner!
- Sir!
- Inform your men at Scotland Yard
that Phileas Fogg is without a doubt
the man who robbed the Bank of England!
- Where are they now?
- They're taking a train across India,
from Bombay to Calcutta.
Thank God we own India!
I want their faces
in every police station,
army barracks, post office,
railway station and outhouse in India!
We're going to stop Fogg
and get my Jade Buddha back
by any means necessary!
Agra is where we will capture them!
Intercept them at Agra!
Carry on, Cutter!
Move it! Move it! Fall in!
And they were
the greatest kung fu boxers.
Ten Tigers of Canton.
Brothers in arms.
They fought to keep order
and justice in China.
The most famous of Ten Tigers
is Wong Fei Hung.
Armed with
only bamboo sticks...
It's salivating on... please.
Is this your goat?
Did they really fight like tigers?
Each Tiger have their own
animal fighting style.
Like tiger.
Snake. Snake head, snake tail,
snake mouth, snake tongue!
Where are my calculations?
Monkey!
The goat! Passepartout, I'm being
attacked by a ferocious animal!
- It has small horns.
- Sorry, Mr. Fogg.
Please keep that inconsiderate
beast away from me.
And refrain from ridiculous anecdotes.
Why do you not like his story, Mr. Frog?
It's Fogg. Phileas Fogg.
How could a man learn to defend himself
by watching animals behave like...
- animals?
- It is famous legend.
- A ridiculous legend.
- Most legends are born from truth.
Yes.
But all truths are born from facts.
Solid, tangible facts
that can be calculated
and written down on paper.
And then eaten by a goat.
Mr. Feelsillious,
when I tell the story
of the man who circled
the entire world in 80 days,
would that not be a legend?
Only if the man's name
was Feelsillious Frog.
- What the blazes is it now?
- Come this way! Come on!
Look sharp, now. Get 'em!
Find these men!
Uh-oh. Time to go. They seem to think
we robbed the Bank of England.
Preposterous. This is a desperate
attempt by Lord Kelvin
to impede my journey.
I am a British citizen.
I have nothing to fear.
Except bullets.
Listen up!
Have you seen these men?
Come on!
Any word on the bank thieves, sir?
They were on the train.
Keep your rifles ready.
They won't get past us, sir!
Ladies, have you seen these two men?
Look closely. They're very dangerous.
They're everywhere!
This is not going to work!
- Just act like ladies.
- Not a problem.
Hello. Hello! Ah.
- I feel faint.
- Phileas, women are not that weak!
No, but I am.
Hello, darling.
What can I do for you, eh?
What nice hand,
nice eye, nice hair...
Hang about!
Mr. Fogg, what are you doing?
This is no time to sleep.
Stop, stop.
Go, go, go! Get us out of Agra quickly.
Passepartout, we did it.
Hey, wrong way.
Ah!
Phileas? No! No!
Aah! Run! Run, Passepartout!
Ah! Ah!
Ahhh!
Fogg's valet! Heh!
- What are you doing?
- Now I gotcha!
Hand over the Jade Buddha!
Oh!
You're under arrest! Whoa!
Watch me plums! Ooh!
Now you get him very mad! Let's go.
Stop, or I'll arrest you as well!
Run!
- Which way?
- Down!
Again!
Down!
Jump!
- Go, go, go!
- What's upsetting him?
- He wants the Jade Buddha!
- Then give it to him!
- Phileas, wake up!
- Please, please. You must go.
- My husband will be home soon.
- Phileas!
Ow! Ay!
Phileas, help!
Leave her alone! I'll protect you!
Ah!
I'm here, my dear.
Uh, that stumble was
simply to buy me time.
This cane is not as it appears.
If I depress this button, it would
deploy a weapon more deadly than yours.
This... is...
a strange knife.
Isn't it a sextant?
Yes.
Huh.
- Are you all right, my dear?
- Phileas, that was so unlike you. Ah!
You men, come with me!
You'd better put this on.
Perhaps I should wear
women's clothing more often.
Oh.
We should run.
- What, now?
- Mm-hmm.
Yes, we should run.
- Break down the door!
- Okay.
No, not me brains!
- Give me the Jade "Bu-ddha"!
- Okay, okay.
What's "Bu-ddha"?
Get ready to jump! Now!
It is him, the Englishman
who robbed the Bank of England!
He's escaping in that palkee-garry!
Hey, there he is!
They'll check all trains heading east.
If we could make it to the coast, we
can't sail into Singapore or Hong Kong.
- They're both British colonies.
- Does England own everything in Asia?
Not China. Not yet.
Passepartout?
- You look troubled.
- I cannot keep lying to Mr. Fogg.
You did what you had to.
The fate of your village
is of far greater importance
than any bet Phileas has made.
If he loses, all it will
cost him his money and pride.
No, Mr. Fogg will lose
much more than that.
What do you mean?
My village!
- Your village?
- Uh... I mean,
my, what a village!
Oh, it's beautiful!
We do need to stop and
resupply, but we must be off by morning.
- Lau Xing, Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing, Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
Goodness, that's quite a welcome.
Do these people know him?
It must be their custom,
the way they welcome all strangers.
- Lau Xing.
- Lau Xing.
Whoo!
Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
Lau Xing.
Ah. Uh...
Oh. It's beautiful.
You are very talented.
Thank you.
You need more blue.
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Sorry?
Vile.
Absolutely vile.
Welcome home, Lau Xing.
Your brothers will be proud.
The whole notion of
a lighter-than-air craft cannot work,
unless you can
harness the power of helium.
Or hydrogen, which is far better...
Yes, well, couldn't have
put it better myself.
As for this Englishman, do you think
such an association is wise?
He is the most disciplined man
I have ever met.
The crane!
The monkey. Very frightening.
Snake.
And, of course, the eagle.
Phileas?
Phileas, I made this for you.
Oh, yes.
Oh, that's very, very good. Yes.
What does this say?
Stupid.
Lau Xing...
I've had quite enough.
I just... I...
Ahhh.
I am going to be abominably ill.
I... I want to die.
Please kill me.
"Dear Father:
I will find the fastest way to China."
It's strong.
Mr. Fogg, I was going to tell you.
- This is your family.
- My name is not Passepartout.
It is Lau Xing.
- I robbed the Bank of England.
- You robbed the Bank of England?
Not for gold or money,
but for the Jade Buddha.
It was stolen from our village.
Phileas, he had no other choice.
This was his only way to get home.
- You knew about this?
- Well...
I have nothing but respect
for you, Mr. Fogg.
Then respect my deductive reasoning.
You have both used me.
You to escape to China,
and you to travel to further
your impressionistic humbug!
Your overtures of... comradeship,
of friendship, of...
All that was a means to ensure
I would take you along.
My entire life,
I got along splendidly by myself.
You've been pebbles in my shoe,
slowing me down, endangering my life,
risking everything,
all I've ever lived for.
And you!
You knew that.
Don't let him go.
He'll be lost by midnight.
Go!
More of your relatives, I suppose.
You can just forget
about a reference.
I beg a thousand pardons, Mr. Fogg.
What's he screaming about?
He's saying, "Please, let me go.
I'm bored."
Why is he in prison?
Urinating in public.
Charming.
At least he had the decency
to be forthcoming about it.
Is there anything you've told me
that's even remotely true?
I really can sing.
# Frre Jacques, Frre Jacques
# Dormez-vous
# Dormez-vous
# Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines
# Ding, ding, ding
Ding, ding, ding #
Ding, dang, dong, Passepartout.
Ding, dang, dong.
Look!
Oh, good. Here comes
Mr. Grumpy and the Leatherettes.
- Where is the Jade Buddha?
- You are better off killing me.
You have nerve.
Are your comrades so brave?
Your threats don't frighten me.
Nor does your silly bracelet.
All right. It's not silly.
I spit on you! France spits on you!
Vive I'Anjou!
- Your turn will come soon enough.
- Coward!
Leave them alone. Fight me.
Yes, fight him.
Let's see how ferocious you really are.
Hey, that's cheating!
- Look out!
- Huh?
Left!
Behind you!
No!
- Hit them!
- Silence!
You savages!
Phileas, help him!
- Watch out on the right.
- Huh?
No, my right.
Stop helping me!
What's happening?
Where is Passepartout?
How is he getting on?
I wouldn't say he's winning,
but, uh, I think he's doing all right.
Go home to mama.
Huh?
- What took you so long?
- I had to finish my lunch.
Wong Fei Hung!
Surely you're not foolish enough
to take on all of my men by yourself?
Ten Tigers?
Kill them!
Execute the prisoners!
I want their heads on pikes!
What's happening?
Phileas!
Ohhh!
Passepartout... Knife!
- Merci.
- You're welcome.
You promise me that Black Scorpions
will never come back to Lanzhou.
These are my brothers and sister.
The Ten Tigers.
- But there are only nine.
- Including me.
They're real.
The legend was true.
- Mr. Fogg...
- Passepartout,
or whatever your name is,
save your apologies.
Phileas, he risked his life
for what he believes in.
If anyone understands that, you do.
Please ensure Miss La Roche
finds safe passage home.
This should be adequate.
Oh.
I, uh, believe this is your veil.
I will never dress like a woman again.
Ever.
Mr. Fogg.
Please let me help you win your bet.
I have secured the services
of a more reliable gentleman.
Yes. Well, perhaps I'll just, uh,
travel alone.
Fifi La Belle!
She sings! She dances!
She does the dance of the...
You, sir, come right in.
See Miss Fifi La Belle in all her...
Ah, the most modern city in the world.
Finally, civilization.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Can anyone direct me
to the Pacific Railroad Station?
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
I'm such a... rutabaga sometimes.
No, no, no.
Please, it's my fault entirely.
- Let me, uh...
- Oh... Ah!
Oh. Oh, Lord,
I think I sprained my knee.
Uh! Ooh.
I should find you a physician.
There's a doctor who has
an office around the corner.
Excellent.
Well, uh, I'll get him for you.
Thank you.
There should be more people
like you in this world.
Whoo, doggy! Jackpot!
Whoo!
Mon Dieu.
Can you imagine Phileas alone
in a place like this?
I'm sure he's fine.
Alms.
Alms.
Alms for the poor?
Arms?
You already got arms.
It's money you need.
I can't even scrounge proficiently.
Hey.
Cheer up, pal. You just gotta
figure out what'll work for you.
Now, what makes you
different from them?
I'm hungry and miserable.
No. You stink.
Your stink is your most powerful weapon
in your begging arsenal.
Watch this.
Hey.
- Give me money.
- Sure. Don't touch me. You stink.
- That guy smells like a dead horse!
- I'm not proud of it.
Simple, yet effective.
- Yeah, I see.
- You try.
Give it a shot. I got faith in you.
Excuse me. Now, uh, you...
Ah.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
That's gonna happen about half the time.
It's a volume business.
- Hunk of cheese?
- Oh, yes, I would rather...
Maybe later.
What are them drawings?
You some kind of devil worshipper?
Don't you be putting a hex on me.
I'll cut you.
- I'm an inventor.
- That's nice.
Or, rather, I was.
One day I will build a machine
that will allow man to fly.
Flying men? Where?
- Nowhere.
- Where are the flying men?
- Where are the flying men?
- Over there.
The bird men are coming! I knew it!
The bird men are coming!
The bird men are coming!
The birds! The bird men!
Bird men! Birds!
"I traveled the world for inspiration
and found it in a man...
who lives what he dreams."
- Phileas?
- No.
Passepartout! Monique!
Mr. Fogg.
You crossed the Pacific Ocean.
For me?
- We will help you win your bet.
- Mr. Fogg, I would never let you down.
- But why would you do this?
- Because you are our friend,
and perhaps... more.
More with her. You and me?
We just stick with friends.
- Ooh.
- Oof!
Lord Kelvin, I can
offer you something much more precious
than a single Jade Buddha.
Beneath Lanzhou are a series
of untapped jade reserves.
If the town were to be overrun,
those reserves would be ours.
I see.
However, should Phileas Fogg
win this race,
I will have neither the power nor
the means to hand over any arsenal.
Then I will see to it personally
that Mr. Fogg's journey is cut short.
Very well.
Let us consider our deal to be...
Still, it's a first-rate idea, sir.
What's this blocking my jade reserves?
That will have to be demolished.
But that is
the Great Wall of China, sir.
But that is
the Great Wall of China, sir.
It's not that great.
Passepartout went
to get help hours ago.
What if he's lost, or...
Don't fret, my dear.
Passepartout's a warrior
with impeccable survival instincts.
No doubt he'll return with help, and we
will board our train with time to spare.
Agua.
Perhaps I'm being a little optimistic.
Help!
- Help us!
- Help!
Ah! A rattlesnake!
Help!
I don't want to die!
Ah. Good morning.
- Howdy.
- Hey.
Crazy English cowboy wannabe man.
How's about going someplace else?
You're blocking the path.
Wilbur, it's him.
I'll be damned.
Mr. Fogg, my name is Orville Wright.
This is my brother, Wilbur.
- We're big fans of yours.
- Fan's a strong word.
Better way to say it's we got a lot
of money riding on you to win your bet.
We're gonna use
our winnings to build this.
Orville, maybe now is not the time.
Let me explain it to Mr. Fogg.
Just one second. Forgive my brother.
He's got his head up in the clouds.
He's one of these dreamers who thinks
man's gonna go swooshing around
on the planet
like a little hummingbird.
Yeah, we're all gonna fly.
He thinks so, too.
It's kind of sad. I'm sorry.
He's kind of a moron.
He's mastered the cable steering system.
The drag-and-lift ratio.
- This is brilliant.
- Thank you.
That's what I've been saying,
but Orville doesn't listen.
All that stuff about mastering...
That's what I say.
You gotta have faith in me, no matter
how crazy big brother's dreams sound.
- But you told me...
- You gotta have confidence.
- You've got to speak up and support me.
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
Have you come across our friend
on your way here?
Who are we looking for?
Passepartout.
You mean the crazy,
half-naked Chinese guy
we saw running around,
where he was like...
- Singing "Frre Jacques"?
- With a cow skull on his head?
- Possibly.
- Yes.
- He's in the back of the wagon.
- Passepartout.
- You are alive!
- Is that you, Grandma?
- Bye-bye.
- Good luck. Go win the bet.
- No pressure, but you gotta win it.
- Bye.
Now, you see, to get the real
classy dames, you gotta invent stuff.
I did.
"I did"? What's with the "I did"?
We're the Wright Brothers.
We did. Now go.
Hyah!
They're not going to make it!
Ah-ha-ha! New York, New York!
So much to see! So little time!
Our steamer leaves in ten minutes!
Go, go, go! Go, go, go!
- We're never going to make it.
- Phileas Fogg?
Autograph this for me?
It's for the wife.
Certainly. This business about me
robbing the Bank of England...
Ah, I'm from Ireland. Nice goin'.
The boat. Follow me.
I know a shortcut. Make a lane!
Make a lane!
Where are we?
- Ah!
- Whoa!
- That's a big man.
- It is a lady. A French lady.
She looks like an evil
Chinese warlord to me.
Your journey has caused
quite a stir, Mr. Fogg,
but I'm afraid it ends here.
Leave them alone.
This has nothing to do with them.
On the contrary, Lau Xing,
Lord Kelvin and I have made
new arrangements to conquer Lanzhou.
Unfortunately for Mr. Fogg,
they entail his... permanent detour.
I knew Kelvin was duplicitous,
but to align himself
with such a little scoundrel!
You're not a scoundrel,
but you are quite small!
As in petite, but most definitely lethal
and generally very scary.
One, two...
- Go!
- Three!
- Go up there.
- Stop them.
Passepartout, my cane!
Uh, there.
Passepartout!
Help! We are trapped!
Help!
Passepartout! Help!
There you are!
You have a knife in your buttock.
It's the evil Chinese warlord!
- Ooh!
- Huh?
She's coming!
The boat!
Up there! Hurry! Go, go, go!
Go, Mr. Fogg. There's not much time.
Wait, wait! What am I thinking?
Passepartout can't defeat them.
He's nine Tigers short.
Phileas, I do believe you are becoming
the man of my dreams.
When this is over,
let's hope the arms and legs
of the man of your dreams
are still attached to the torso...
of the man of your dreams.
- You have failed to stop him.
- Then your death will have to suffice.
Let go of me!
The book! It's going to fall!
How can we save...
- Phileas?
- I will save him...
Wah!
Mr. Fogg!
No!
Oh. Passepartout?
Passepartout!
- Huh?
- You're alive!
Are you injured?
Yes, well, uh...
Rules are made to be broken.
Or, uh, stabbed by a spiky shoe.
Mr. Fogg, you missed the ship.
You'll lose your bet.
Oh. At least I didn't lose a friend.
You must be the eleventh Tiger.
Meow!
- Let's go. We must catch the next ship.
- It would never reach London in time.
No. No! No!
We are not giving up!
I almost died! You almost died!
We take the next ship
and win that bet!
Very well.
- Let's go.
- Yes!
Thank you.
Yes. Yes! Yes!
Oh, it's hopeless.
By those calculations,
I'm still behind by one day.
- There must be some way!
- Phileas Fogg on my boat?
What an honor, sir!
I've quite a penny wagered on you.
The wife's none too happy about it.
Then again, she hasn't cracked a smile
since that shark almost devoured me.
Got 'em both in one bite.
Ah, it's Inspector Fix!
My goodness! He made it
around the world before Fogg!
I came back from India
the short way, you ninny!
I take it you don't have
Phileas Fogg in that valise.
A little Jade Buddha, perhaps?
That's the last
of the coal, Captain.
Mr. Fogg.
I'm sorry to say,
we've burnt the last of the coal.
But I've had a word with the crew,
and all of them...
have agreed to burn their shoes.
The effort is appreciated, Captain.
Unfortunately,
we've gained a mere six hours.
- Even shoes cannot help us now.
- Must be something we can do.
That's it.
I've got it.
Birds.
Excellent idea! We'll burn birds!
No, we'll fly to London.
We follow the laws of physics
mastered by the birds millennia ago
and combine it with the Wright
Brothers' steering system.
Most people would laugh at you.
But not us. We care about you.
Captain, I'm afraid
I have to ask permission
to dismantle your ship
to build this machine.
Dismantle Carmen?
But she's me livelihood,
me most loyal companion.
Never, never, ever!
What if I could direct you
to an impeccable physician
who could replace both your nipples,
at my expense,
and I will give you enough money
to buy a brand-new ship?
You had me at the nipples.
- Cornelius, fetch me me tools! Now!
- Aye, aye, Captain!
One, two! One, two!
Timber!
I'll go sharpen the propeller.
Wrong way. Not looking.
Just one more.
That's it! Right, lads, tie it off!
The Greenwich time zone. The last time
I shall set my watch ahead.
Well...
- Shall we fly?
- Let's.
Mr. Fogg. Hurrah!
Hurrah!
Inspiring words.
- Very well. Prepare for takeoff!
- Yes, sir!
- Mr. Fogg, are you sure?
- No!
Whoa!
How the hell are we getting back?
Whoa!
- Now!
- Ohhh!
You did it, Phileas! We are flying!
My God! It's...
magical!
- Better than your dreams?
- Better than my dreams.
Hey! Don't forget to steer!
It's a...
a telegram from...
General Fang, sir.
We're going to make it!
- This all right?
- Oh, dear.
- This is exactly like a dream I had.
- You dream of winning the race?
- No, of crashing to my death.
- Don't worry. I'm gonna get it.
- Look up there!
- Great Scott!
Look! A flying machine!
- Don't step on the wing!
- It's Phileas Fogg!
Sir, rumor has it a flying machine
is heading for the Royal Academy,
our bank thief at the pedals.
Some people will believe anything.
A flying machine is
heading for the Academy!
- The bank thief is pedaling!
- See what I mean?
Help!
Well done, Passepartout!
The wing ropes!
Just a minor setback.
Another minor setback.
All right, this is a major setback.
A flying machine is headed
for the Royal Academy,
and witnesses swear
that it's Phileas Fogg.
Faster, Passepartout! Faster!
- We're losing altitude!
- Landing gear?
That would have been
an excellent idea!
The bird men are here!
No. I will not lose this wager!
He is not to reach the top step.
Get the police. Here. Now!
I want Fogg arrested the moment
his feet touch British soil!
Oh!
- I'm sorry...
- Right in my ear!
Passepartout, get back in your seat.
We're going to return to the ground!
Stop! Kitchner! Hold your ground!
Why are they fleeing?
Cowards!
Hold on!
Make it to the top step!
- New Zealand. We didn't go there.
- Top step.
Arrest them!
They robbed the Bank of England!
No, no!
Nonsense! Where is your proof?
This is the Royal Academy of Science!
We don't need to prove anything!
Besides which,
by the time you get out of jail,
you'll have lost the wager.
Noon.
We did our best.
Out of me way! Move it!
I used to be somebody important!
Should have thrown him
through a higher window.
- Get off!
- Get rid of this buffoon!
That's the thanks I get for going
halfway around the world to stop Fogg?
He also sent a Chinese warlord
to kill Phileas Fogg!
That's right. He did!
Lies! All of it!
- Kitchner!
- Yes?
- Tell them!
- Oh, well, yes, uh...
- Well, the thing of it...
- You mumbling moron!
Salisbury, translate Kitchner's blather.
I... Me... I... Yes. Yes!
- Rhodes!
- The thing of it is,
I don't want to make a fuss.
You spineless cretins!
That man stuck me with quills!
Bunches of them!
Yes! Lord Kelvin's a bully!
It's true! I hate to admit it,
but I'm a battered lord.
- No!
- Oh, boo-hoo!
So what if I did
try to kill Phileas Fogg?
What are you gutless peons
going to do about it?
I hold all the power!
I run everything!
So which of you half-wits
is going to stop me? You? You? You?
- The queen!
- The queen?
Oh, the queen!
That inbred, antiquated old cow!
The only way she could stop me
is if she sat on me!
With her big, fat royal bottom!
She's behind me, isn't she?
Oh, Your Majesty.
I have just apprehended the culprits
who robbed the Bank of England.
- No, Majesty!
- Rubbish!
Quiet!
I love being able to do that.
So, Lord Kelvin,
unsportsmanlike conduct,
attempted murder,
trading my arsenal for Buddhas.
How do you know about that?
I never said...
Admit it. You've been
a naughty boy, haven't you?
Your Majesty, I assure you,
there is an explanation for all of this.
What it was, was, was...
I was... I... I was simply...
simply...
Why do they always run?
Arrest him.
Get out of my way, you fools!
Unhand me! Don't you know who I am?
I'll kill you!
I'll have you for this, Fogg!
So, is this Phileas Fogg's
miraculous flying invention?
Your Majesty, we all invented it.
I'm very impressed,
and that doesn't happen often.
Thank you.
But still, we failed
to help Phileas win his bet.
- I'm sorry, Phileas.
- Don't be, my chri.
I saw the world.
I learnt of new cultures.
I flew across an ocean.
I wore women's clothing.
Oh?
Made a friend.
Fell in love.
- Who cares if I lost a wager?
- I do.
- I've got 20 quid riding on you.
- Your Majesty, it has gone 12 noon.
Correct. Which gives you
- Could we have miscounted?
- No.
I moved Mr. Fogg's watch ahead one hour
as we passed each time zone.
The international date line.
We set our watches forward
at 20 more time zones, so...
here it's still day 79.
- So, we've...
- We've won!
We won, we won...
Thank God. Ah!
Your Majesty, I...
I apologize. Do forgive me.
- I quite forgot myself.
- Go and win your bet, Mr. Fogg.
I shall need a new minister of science.
Uh, yes, of course, Your Majesty.
- Shall we?
- Yeah.
Go!
- We won, Phileas! We won!
- Yes!
We won!
Oh, well done!
Go ahead.