As It's Remembered (2022) Movie Script
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you still
be my friend?
I have
to do it again.
I see no other way.
If you could see
what I see...
the way
that I see it...
you would understand.
It's all
about perception.
An entire school of thought
exists claiming...
explaining that reality
is just a series
of perceptions.
Now, if that were true,
don't you think
you could change it?
I'm going to.
You see, I believe--
I know
it's all locked in space.
It's all
still happening.
It's like a record.
When it's playing,
it's happening.
It's a story
that's alive.
Like it has life.
The end of the world
at the...
But it's not.
It's locked.
Frozen in the wind.
From the very
same time...
and it's always there,
just sitting.
Trapped.
Reality
is like a record.
The trick is...
getting it
to play again.
Miss Derkins.
He'll see you now.
Hey, Natalie.
Glad you could make it
this week.
I want
to do it again.
I know you do.
But I know--
You know
that's not real.
Not something
you can do, anyway.
Listen.
Take a breath.
Close your eyes.
It's only an exercise.
Good.
What do you see?
You know
what I see.
It's the same
every time.
The hill--
You're holding,
you know you are.
-Why?
-I just want to do it again.
I know.
I know.
Now, let's just
get back to--
Have you ever heard
of George Berkeley?
Um, yeah.
Yes, Berkeley.
-Well, he said--
-"To be is to be perceived."
Right.
Basically,
it's this whole thing about
how nothing actually exists
unless there's somebody
who's actively
perceiving it.
But how would
that work?
I mean,
the rocks in the woods.
Well, Berkeley said
there's a great perceiver.
-God?
-No.
God's too passive.
I think that we--
I think that people
are actively perceiving
their own reality
into existence.
So there is no God.
We're all gods.
I just want
to do it again.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's cheaper
than therapy.
So tell me more
about this perception.
Kind of over it.
-You're afraid of what I write?
-No.
Okay.
What?
It bothers you.
Nothing bothers me.
Natalie, unless I'm confused,
you want to be God.
Something must be
bothering you.
I want to be in control
of my own reality.
I want to be
the perceiver.
Not God.
Right, well...
you see in Berkeley's world,
in his ideology...
God is the receiver...
everything exists.
The rocks in the woods,
the plants
at the bottom of the ocean,
the wind in the desert
because it's being
perceived by God.
So how does that
undo what happened?
You got
a lot of planes here.
Airport's just over there.
You say nothing
can undo what happened.
Time flows forward.
Nothing changes that.
I was contacted
by the FBI.
What are you doing?
What did they want?
You need
to be careful.
Did you tell them
about me?
No, no.
Our conversations
are protected.
For now.
I have to make
this happen.
-Natalie, what happens if you--
-I'll die.
Are you threatening
to take your own life?
No.
But I'm going to die
one way or another, right?
Natalie, I can't help you
if I don't know your plan.
Natalie Derkins?
Are you Natalie Derkins?
-Yeah.
-Special Agent Nuez.
I have some questions
to ask you.
May I come in?
-Do you want some water?
-No, thank you.
Do you know why I'm here,
Miss Derkins?
Well, much of your
recent buying activity
is drawing
some attention.
We'll just pretend
like this is enough.
It's not, but, uh,
I'd really like
to see somebody
pull this off.
How is that
any of your concern, sir?
You see, my department
is sort of a--
We watch
what people buy.
Then we determine
if we need to see
what they're doing
with their purchases.
You know, some a--
some math major
with a minor in poly sci
buys two tons
of fertilizer.
Maybe I need to come see
if he's doing something--
If he's building a bomb?
Doing something
he shouldn't.
But your idea
is interesting.
This is what
I'm trying to build.
Trying to change the past
through perception.
So, how are you connecting
perception to reality?
Perception is reality.
Imagining is not being.
If that were true,
the Cubs would have won
the World Series by now.
How are you connecting
the then to the now?
Sleeping pills.
Sensory cues,
the way that
his jacket felt,
the music
that we listened to...
cigarette smells.
Sure, so some fake VR?
I need it
to be more than that.
I need it
to be real.
I'm not
building a bomb.
If you were clean,
you wouldn't protest so much.
I protested once.
While I'm here.
So, I think
you get the point
and I think you know
where I'm going with this.
What is it
that you think I've bought?
It wasn't
two tons of fertilizer.
What could you possibly
think that I have?
It's not
what I think you have.
We're not the brightest
over at the FBI,
but I'll tell you
what we don't do.
You don't buy into any crazy
theories or throw hunches.
I know what you have.
You've recently managed
to obtain these materials,
Miss Derkins.
None of these
are illegal to own.
Maybe not, but rarely do people
buy these combinations
in these
kinds of quantities.
Otherwise,
I wouldn't be here.
On top of that with
your major in engineering
and your minor
in philosophy.
Do I need
to get my lawyer?
Do you?
Can I use
the bathroom?
You're talking about
quantum immortality...
the idea that
a particle can exist
in two places
simultaneously.
Two different realities.
You know,
like if you were to die
in one of them,
well, then--
You could live
in the other one.
Yeah, um...
your little doodle here
might do it,
but it's kind of like
trying to get to Mars
on a steam engine.
You're going to need
some rocket fuel.
And a lot of people
have gotten screwed up,
and a couple of people
have died trying to pull
-this sort of thing off.
-I don't care.
You're really going to be
juicing your brain.
And Natalie,
if certain people figure out
you're trying
to pull this off
they're going
to want to stop you.
I won't let them.
Do you have
any more questions for me?
Should I?
What if I'm not satisfied
with any of your answers?
Well, then I would
get satisfied.
Miss Derkins, you do realize
that my being here means
you're being investigated
by the FBI.
I'm tired.
I guess I could just
go home then.
Yeah.
I guess you could.
Miss Derkins,
I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me
what I need to know.
What is it
that you need to know?
Why did you
buy these items?
I don't have to explain
anything to you.
Now, unless
it has become illegal
for me to legally
obtain items
that are legal to use
in your household...
then I don't know, yeah, maybe
you can contact my lawyer.
Do you want me
to call him?
Because if not, get out.
I'm sorry to bother you.
Good.
You might want to talk
to that lawyer, though.
Let me know,
I'll be back soon.
Also, you should know
that it's a federal offense
to threaten an agent
with a loaded weapon.
Good day, Miss Derkins.
So you think
you can change the past by--
Remembering it differently.
If I can
convince myself,
I mean,
really convince myself then...
maybe it'll be real.
-If you perceive it to be.
-Yeah.
Natalie, you know,
it'll never be real.
The second you come back
from new memories,
it'll be smoke.
It's like dreams.
They never
rewrite what's real.
But if I can
just force it...
I can
convince myself.
You could really
hurt yourself.
What if you had
a stroke or an aneurysm?
You could OD.
I would rather die
in a memory
that I can choose...
than live
in a future where I can't.
-I need more.
-Natalie.
I'm really
worried about you.
It's the only way
that I sleep.
Have to go, have to go
Have to go, have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you still
be my friend?
My face to the sea
My back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go...
Cigarettes.
You should really
stop smoking those.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah...
today's it.
Today's my last day.
I wish that I hadn't
always pushed him on that.
I wish I hadn't
made him feel like
he was doing
something wrong.
You cared about him.
You were trying
to keep him from--
Dying?
I just wish that he didn't have
that last memory, you know?
The last thing that ever
happened to him was--
The last thing
that I ever did to him was--
just do something
to make him feel bad
about choices
that he made.
So now you smoke.
Yeah, well, I guess every
cigarette is an effigy to him.
-You bought a gun.
-You would buy a gun, too,
if it happened to you.
You know
the gun isn't the only reason
I'm worried.
I know.
I need them.
Natalie,
you have to start
making steps
away from this.
Meet new people.
I'm not
talking about dating,
I'm just
talking about moving forward.
To what?
We connect with people.
We have to.
But people go.
They always go.
To me, it seems
you can either experience
the same pain again
and again
with different people...
or you can let
one be enough.
Right, but for you,
pain isn't an experience...
it's an existence.
Please
give me the pills.
Please, it's the only way
that I can live.
Live?
Oh, you're doing
a lot of things, a lot.
Addiction,
denial, alienation.
But living
isn't one of your talents.
-You have to help me.
-I have to treat you.
It is the only way
that we can be together.
Just listen to yourself.
I can change things,
I can change it.
He is dead.
Wesley is dead.
I'm sorry.
He's gone.
Please give me the pills.
If you're going
to keep chasing a ghost...
I can't go with you
any further.
Please give me the pills.
I will find a way.
I have to.
Why did you bring this?
I'm sorry.
I just wanted
to cheer you up.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Rebecca.
Nat,
it's okay.
So, what's going on?
I wish I could do something,
anything.
I fucking hate this.
I know.
And I hate
that fucking thing, too.
-Why?
-It just doesn't seem safe.
So, what am I supposed
to tell Mom?
Oh, Natalie's fine,
she's just
losing her brain hole
a little bit
and playing with some
super dangerous electric hats?
All right, you know what?
Obviously, I am not handling
this up to your standards.
What am I
supposed to say?
-You could talk.
-I am.
So, that's
not going well.
I mean,
how is that going?
It's not going well.
Why isn't it going well?
He doesn't like
the way that I think.
And what
are you thinking?
Well,
I could explain it to you
as an overly intellectual
thought process
that concerns time
and how it relates to death.
I can't say
I like it.
Yeah, well,
fuck you.
What are these
thoughts on time?
-It's dumb.
-Well, I'm here
-to listen to it.
-No.
No, you're here
because you're worried.
Yes, Natalie,
I'm worried.
Time's not a fluid.
I mean, not--
not the way that people
would normally think
that it is.
I mean, time is--
Fluids aren't even fluids.
They can be fluids...
they can be solids...
they can be...
gases.
So, why is it that
time can't be the same?
Moldable.
Because it's fucking not.
I'm going to go
buy you some milk.
Okay?
And some things
that go with milk.
-All right?
-Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Rebecca, I'm sorry.
You're a good sister.
Why are you sorry?
I just am.
Some particles are incapable
of existing
on their own.
These are free radicals.
Electrons
separated
from their partner particles.
Raging
with negative energy.
They charge
through the ether.
Destroying everything
in their path.
They'll push through
anything...
just looking
for safety.
The free radical
will crash its way
through the entire universe,
searching.
Destined
to find its place.
Or burn out trying.
When you
get even closer,
you can see that
it's all quantum mechanics.
It's the sort of thing
that can make this possible.
I just have to
make it work.
That's your explanation.
-My explanation--
-For what
-you've been buying up.
-Yes.
You expect me
to believe
that you've been building some
kind of time-altering device.
It's more of
a mind-altering device, but--
-Mind-altering?
-Yes.
Look, I can build the machine,
I just--
-I just need the code.
-And some rocket fuel.
I'd love
to see you try.
Have you ever heard
of George Berkeley?
The philosopher.
I don't know Geo-- I know
law enforcement, all right?
I'm sure you don't think
I can read or write.
So, spare me your education
and tell me what it is
-that you're actually building.
-I am.
Miss Derkins, I feel like
I've made it really clear
that you need to stop
messing around with me.
Fuck!
I will find something.
I will get a warrant,
and whatever it is
you're building,
I will take it.
-Can I use your bathroom?
-Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's--
It's right around the corner.
-Need help?
-Uh, no.
Did you flush? I did--
I didn't hear you flush.
I didn't flush,
I washed my hands.
-Do you need help?
-No, um,
I'm just
looking for this.
Found it.
Hey.
Yeah, that guy
we talked about...
I need his number.
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back
to the land
If you can't
come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet
in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go...
You don't believe me.
But that's fine.
Necessity is the mother
of invention.
I don't need you
to believe in me.
I just need to do it.
Miss Derkins, I'm coming
back with a warrant.
I will find what I'm looking
for and when I do,
I'm gonna take it.
I promise.
Hi.
Hi.
It's not working.
I-- I mean--
I mean, it is,
but I can't
change anything.
Oh, okay, so, yesterday
I heard this song.
And it reminded me of you,
but you-- you be the judge.
-Okay.
-All right. You ready?
-Uh-huh.
-You're sitting down, right?
-Okay, good.
-Yeah.
All right.
Have to go, have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand...
I like it.
When it all
goes to hell...
-Yeah.
-Kind of classy, right?
I-- I like it.
My face to the sea
And my back to the land...
What?
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
It's gonna get dark.
And bring the bag.
I knew I could do it.
It works.
But it feels locked.
Rigid.
Almost insurmountable.
Cigarettes.
Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's it, done.
Today is my last day.
I think
different things...
but I can't say them.
I want to do different things,
but I can't do them.
Little things change.
I know
what's happening.
But I can't.
I can't even
tell him to run.
My goodness, ooh.
Ugh.
Yeah, , babe.
You're gonna be 21 forever.
-So, I brought...
-Yeah.
... some of this.
-Some Merlot?
-For you.
-So, I brought... some wine.
-This is 2011.
Mm-hmm, nothing
but the best for you.
Mm-hmm, I like that.
Yeah, yeah. Um...
I think I got the right kind,
'cause I know you drink white.
Thank you.
-.
-The red kind.
-I like red.
I think that's
what it says on here, red--
-The red kind.
-Red-- Red kind.
-Oh, thank you, babe.
-Uh-huh.
My goal up here is to get you,
like, hammered drunk.
-Okay, hammered.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-All right.
-Uh-huh.
'Til we can't feel feelings.
Oh, I don't-- I don't--
I don't know.
-.
-Cheers.
Yeah, cheers.
-Hmm.
-Hmm.
-All right. Okay, all right.
-Babe.
So, I want to take...
just a couple
photos of you.
-Of me? Just me?
-Mm-hmm.
Well, I'll take one
of you first.
-Okay.
-And then we'll take one of us
-together.
-Okay.
-That sound good?
-Yeah.
Okay.
All right. So...
Oh, wait, are these
for the-- for the fridge?
-Huh?
-Are these for the fridge
-or what?
-These are for--
It's for my apartment.
I wanna have lots of pictures
like your friends
who have all those photos.
You want me-- You want me to be
a-- a tiger in this?
What's my motivation?
Oh. Oh!
Are you modeling for me?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
Give you a look here--
or, I just smelled
something weird.
-Yeah.
-Okay. All right.
-Oh.
Oh, okay.
-Defending America.
-Uh-huh.
Rawr. Um...
Come-- here.
Do-- Do another one.
-Do another one.
-Okay.
-You're so good at this.
-Uh, high school.
-Oh, my gosh.
-High school yearbook.
You look very fancy.
Oh, yes.
-Yes. Keep going.
-Work it, tiger.
Work it.
Wesley, he's a stud.
What did your-- What did
the caption under your
senior yearbook picture say?
The caption under
my senior yearbook-- uh...
I think it said,
"Are-- Are those
your pants or mine?"
-They let you do that?
-Yeah.
-We've got company.
-Who is that guy?
I thought
we were alone up there.
-You think he'll take a photo?
-Yeah.
There's no one
else up here,
so how about we do a selfie
in the meantime?
All right. Okay.
.
Hey, you okay?
Wesley, honey.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
-What-- what...
-Oh, my God.
Please, baby, baby, stay--
baby, look at me.
-Is it bad? Is it bad?
-Baby, I love you so much.
I lo-- It's fine. It's-- Babe--
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
Baby, s-- you're fine.
You're gonna be okay.
Oh, God, it looks bad.
Yes, I have an emergency.
I am at the top of a hill
in El Sereno--
I'm-- I'm-- Baby, stop it,
stop it, baby.
It's in El Sereno.
Please.
There was a man,
he came up,
he stabbed
my boyfriend.
My boyfriend's
been stabbed.
El Sereno.
Can't you trace
the fucking phone?
Please.
Baby, stop it,
baby, baby, baby.
Please don't--
Stop. I don't know.
I don't know what to do.
He's been stabbed
in the stomach.
Yes, please, please.
Okay. I'm okay.
-Okay. Okay...
They're coming.
They're coming.
They're coming.
Baby, they're coming.
They're coming,
they're coming, they're coming.
They're coming.
They're coming.
I love you so much.
It's real.
It's terrible.
But the machine works.
Natalie,
this has gone too far.
You don't even know
what's going to happen.
Neither do you.
But we both know
what will happen...
if I don't do this.
If I don't try.
This ends
one way or another.
You're pretty,
you know that?
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
Okay.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
If I could change one thing...
If I could just
manage to fix one thing...
I could change it all.
What?
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
It's gonna get dark.
And bring the bag.
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
I'm okay...
-I'm okay. I'm okay...
What?
You're pretty,
you know that?
Babe, come on.
Cigarettes.
Oh, my God.
Please, baby, baby, stay--
baby, look at me.
Baby, I love you so much.
I lo-- It's fine. It's fine...
But I can't change a thing.
Yes, I have an emergency.
Can I use
your bathroom?
Yeah.
You really shouldn't have
a gun anyways.
My therapist said
that it was okay.
I highly doubt that.
I'm really worried about you,
Natalie.
I don't want you
to hurt yourself.
I'm fine.
Hey, this is Rebecca,
leave a message.
I...
I loved Wes.
Too much.
Way too much.
But I can't undo that.
I can't undo
how I felt.
Feel.
Any more than I can
change what happened.
And you were right.
I'll hurt myself
to get away from this.
I'd die
to get away from this.
But that
won't bring him back.
So... I'll keep trying.
What?
You're pretty,
you know that?
Thank you.
Until I can't anymore,
until the air
that I breathe is gone.
All I can do now
is to be happy to remember.
And fight as hard as I can.
Always.
To fix it.
We can change
the way we remember things.
And who's to say
that's not real?
Because while you
remember it one way...
I'm going to remember
it the way I have to.
I can't live any other way.
I loved him too much.
And I will
save him somehow.
I'm gonna be okay.
This isn't the end.
Time will march on,
pretending to flow,
to move.
People think
I can't change my past.
I think they're wrong.
But I promise.
One thing
will never change:
how much I love you.
We're good,
we're good.
We're so good.
Oh, God...
You're good. You're good...
Like I said.
It's like
playing a record.
When it's playing,
it's happening.
It's a story
that's alive.
Like it has life.
But it's not.
It's locked.
Frozen in the vinyl.
The same every time.
Trapped.
The trick is...
getting it
to play again.
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go
I'll understand
If we didn't know
What we know
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
Have to go, have to go
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
And if you can't
come with me
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go
I'll understand
I'll let you go,
let you go
I'll understand
I'll let you go,
let you go
I'll understand
If we didn't know
what we know
'Cause when you
travel light
Some things are left
Behind
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you still
be my friend?
I have
to do it again.
I see no other way.
If you could see
what I see...
the way
that I see it...
you would understand.
It's all
about perception.
An entire school of thought
exists claiming...
explaining that reality
is just a series
of perceptions.
Now, if that were true,
don't you think
you could change it?
I'm going to.
You see, I believe--
I know
it's all locked in space.
It's all
still happening.
It's like a record.
When it's playing,
it's happening.
It's a story
that's alive.
Like it has life.
The end of the world
at the...
But it's not.
It's locked.
Frozen in the wind.
From the very
same time...
and it's always there,
just sitting.
Trapped.
Reality
is like a record.
The trick is...
getting it
to play again.
Miss Derkins.
He'll see you now.
Hey, Natalie.
Glad you could make it
this week.
I want
to do it again.
I know you do.
But I know--
You know
that's not real.
Not something
you can do, anyway.
Listen.
Take a breath.
Close your eyes.
It's only an exercise.
Good.
What do you see?
You know
what I see.
It's the same
every time.
The hill--
You're holding,
you know you are.
-Why?
-I just want to do it again.
I know.
I know.
Now, let's just
get back to--
Have you ever heard
of George Berkeley?
Um, yeah.
Yes, Berkeley.
-Well, he said--
-"To be is to be perceived."
Right.
Basically,
it's this whole thing about
how nothing actually exists
unless there's somebody
who's actively
perceiving it.
But how would
that work?
I mean,
the rocks in the woods.
Well, Berkeley said
there's a great perceiver.
-God?
-No.
God's too passive.
I think that we--
I think that people
are actively perceiving
their own reality
into existence.
So there is no God.
We're all gods.
I just want
to do it again.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's cheaper
than therapy.
So tell me more
about this perception.
Kind of over it.
-You're afraid of what I write?
-No.
Okay.
What?
It bothers you.
Nothing bothers me.
Natalie, unless I'm confused,
you want to be God.
Something must be
bothering you.
I want to be in control
of my own reality.
I want to be
the perceiver.
Not God.
Right, well...
you see in Berkeley's world,
in his ideology...
God is the receiver...
everything exists.
The rocks in the woods,
the plants
at the bottom of the ocean,
the wind in the desert
because it's being
perceived by God.
So how does that
undo what happened?
You got
a lot of planes here.
Airport's just over there.
You say nothing
can undo what happened.
Time flows forward.
Nothing changes that.
I was contacted
by the FBI.
What are you doing?
What did they want?
You need
to be careful.
Did you tell them
about me?
No, no.
Our conversations
are protected.
For now.
I have to make
this happen.
-Natalie, what happens if you--
-I'll die.
Are you threatening
to take your own life?
No.
But I'm going to die
one way or another, right?
Natalie, I can't help you
if I don't know your plan.
Natalie Derkins?
Are you Natalie Derkins?
-Yeah.
-Special Agent Nuez.
I have some questions
to ask you.
May I come in?
-Do you want some water?
-No, thank you.
Do you know why I'm here,
Miss Derkins?
Well, much of your
recent buying activity
is drawing
some attention.
We'll just pretend
like this is enough.
It's not, but, uh,
I'd really like
to see somebody
pull this off.
How is that
any of your concern, sir?
You see, my department
is sort of a--
We watch
what people buy.
Then we determine
if we need to see
what they're doing
with their purchases.
You know, some a--
some math major
with a minor in poly sci
buys two tons
of fertilizer.
Maybe I need to come see
if he's doing something--
If he's building a bomb?
Doing something
he shouldn't.
But your idea
is interesting.
This is what
I'm trying to build.
Trying to change the past
through perception.
So, how are you connecting
perception to reality?
Perception is reality.
Imagining is not being.
If that were true,
the Cubs would have won
the World Series by now.
How are you connecting
the then to the now?
Sleeping pills.
Sensory cues,
the way that
his jacket felt,
the music
that we listened to...
cigarette smells.
Sure, so some fake VR?
I need it
to be more than that.
I need it
to be real.
I'm not
building a bomb.
If you were clean,
you wouldn't protest so much.
I protested once.
While I'm here.
So, I think
you get the point
and I think you know
where I'm going with this.
What is it
that you think I've bought?
It wasn't
two tons of fertilizer.
What could you possibly
think that I have?
It's not
what I think you have.
We're not the brightest
over at the FBI,
but I'll tell you
what we don't do.
You don't buy into any crazy
theories or throw hunches.
I know what you have.
You've recently managed
to obtain these materials,
Miss Derkins.
None of these
are illegal to own.
Maybe not, but rarely do people
buy these combinations
in these
kinds of quantities.
Otherwise,
I wouldn't be here.
On top of that with
your major in engineering
and your minor
in philosophy.
Do I need
to get my lawyer?
Do you?
Can I use
the bathroom?
You're talking about
quantum immortality...
the idea that
a particle can exist
in two places
simultaneously.
Two different realities.
You know,
like if you were to die
in one of them,
well, then--
You could live
in the other one.
Yeah, um...
your little doodle here
might do it,
but it's kind of like
trying to get to Mars
on a steam engine.
You're going to need
some rocket fuel.
And a lot of people
have gotten screwed up,
and a couple of people
have died trying to pull
-this sort of thing off.
-I don't care.
You're really going to be
juicing your brain.
And Natalie,
if certain people figure out
you're trying
to pull this off
they're going
to want to stop you.
I won't let them.
Do you have
any more questions for me?
Should I?
What if I'm not satisfied
with any of your answers?
Well, then I would
get satisfied.
Miss Derkins, you do realize
that my being here means
you're being investigated
by the FBI.
I'm tired.
I guess I could just
go home then.
Yeah.
I guess you could.
Miss Derkins,
I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me
what I need to know.
What is it
that you need to know?
Why did you
buy these items?
I don't have to explain
anything to you.
Now, unless
it has become illegal
for me to legally
obtain items
that are legal to use
in your household...
then I don't know, yeah, maybe
you can contact my lawyer.
Do you want me
to call him?
Because if not, get out.
I'm sorry to bother you.
Good.
You might want to talk
to that lawyer, though.
Let me know,
I'll be back soon.
Also, you should know
that it's a federal offense
to threaten an agent
with a loaded weapon.
Good day, Miss Derkins.
So you think
you can change the past by--
Remembering it differently.
If I can
convince myself,
I mean,
really convince myself then...
maybe it'll be real.
-If you perceive it to be.
-Yeah.
Natalie, you know,
it'll never be real.
The second you come back
from new memories,
it'll be smoke.
It's like dreams.
They never
rewrite what's real.
But if I can
just force it...
I can
convince myself.
You could really
hurt yourself.
What if you had
a stroke or an aneurysm?
You could OD.
I would rather die
in a memory
that I can choose...
than live
in a future where I can't.
-I need more.
-Natalie.
I'm really
worried about you.
It's the only way
that I sleep.
Have to go, have to go
Have to go, have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you still
be my friend?
My face to the sea
My back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go...
Cigarettes.
You should really
stop smoking those.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah...
today's it.
Today's my last day.
I wish that I hadn't
always pushed him on that.
I wish I hadn't
made him feel like
he was doing
something wrong.
You cared about him.
You were trying
to keep him from--
Dying?
I just wish that he didn't have
that last memory, you know?
The last thing that ever
happened to him was--
The last thing
that I ever did to him was--
just do something
to make him feel bad
about choices
that he made.
So now you smoke.
Yeah, well, I guess every
cigarette is an effigy to him.
-You bought a gun.
-You would buy a gun, too,
if it happened to you.
You know
the gun isn't the only reason
I'm worried.
I know.
I need them.
Natalie,
you have to start
making steps
away from this.
Meet new people.
I'm not
talking about dating,
I'm just
talking about moving forward.
To what?
We connect with people.
We have to.
But people go.
They always go.
To me, it seems
you can either experience
the same pain again
and again
with different people...
or you can let
one be enough.
Right, but for you,
pain isn't an experience...
it's an existence.
Please
give me the pills.
Please, it's the only way
that I can live.
Live?
Oh, you're doing
a lot of things, a lot.
Addiction,
denial, alienation.
But living
isn't one of your talents.
-You have to help me.
-I have to treat you.
It is the only way
that we can be together.
Just listen to yourself.
I can change things,
I can change it.
He is dead.
Wesley is dead.
I'm sorry.
He's gone.
Please give me the pills.
If you're going
to keep chasing a ghost...
I can't go with you
any further.
Please give me the pills.
I will find a way.
I have to.
Why did you bring this?
I'm sorry.
I just wanted
to cheer you up.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Rebecca.
Nat,
it's okay.
So, what's going on?
I wish I could do something,
anything.
I fucking hate this.
I know.
And I hate
that fucking thing, too.
-Why?
-It just doesn't seem safe.
So, what am I supposed
to tell Mom?
Oh, Natalie's fine,
she's just
losing her brain hole
a little bit
and playing with some
super dangerous electric hats?
All right, you know what?
Obviously, I am not handling
this up to your standards.
What am I
supposed to say?
-You could talk.
-I am.
So, that's
not going well.
I mean,
how is that going?
It's not going well.
Why isn't it going well?
He doesn't like
the way that I think.
And what
are you thinking?
Well,
I could explain it to you
as an overly intellectual
thought process
that concerns time
and how it relates to death.
I can't say
I like it.
Yeah, well,
fuck you.
What are these
thoughts on time?
-It's dumb.
-Well, I'm here
-to listen to it.
-No.
No, you're here
because you're worried.
Yes, Natalie,
I'm worried.
Time's not a fluid.
I mean, not--
not the way that people
would normally think
that it is.
I mean, time is--
Fluids aren't even fluids.
They can be fluids...
they can be solids...
they can be...
gases.
So, why is it that
time can't be the same?
Moldable.
Because it's fucking not.
I'm going to go
buy you some milk.
Okay?
And some things
that go with milk.
-All right?
-Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Rebecca, I'm sorry.
You're a good sister.
Why are you sorry?
I just am.
Some particles are incapable
of existing
on their own.
These are free radicals.
Electrons
separated
from their partner particles.
Raging
with negative energy.
They charge
through the ether.
Destroying everything
in their path.
They'll push through
anything...
just looking
for safety.
The free radical
will crash its way
through the entire universe,
searching.
Destined
to find its place.
Or burn out trying.
When you
get even closer,
you can see that
it's all quantum mechanics.
It's the sort of thing
that can make this possible.
I just have to
make it work.
That's your explanation.
-My explanation--
-For what
-you've been buying up.
-Yes.
You expect me
to believe
that you've been building some
kind of time-altering device.
It's more of
a mind-altering device, but--
-Mind-altering?
-Yes.
Look, I can build the machine,
I just--
-I just need the code.
-And some rocket fuel.
I'd love
to see you try.
Have you ever heard
of George Berkeley?
The philosopher.
I don't know Geo-- I know
law enforcement, all right?
I'm sure you don't think
I can read or write.
So, spare me your education
and tell me what it is
-that you're actually building.
-I am.
Miss Derkins, I feel like
I've made it really clear
that you need to stop
messing around with me.
Fuck!
I will find something.
I will get a warrant,
and whatever it is
you're building,
I will take it.
-Can I use your bathroom?
-Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's--
It's right around the corner.
-Need help?
-Uh, no.
Did you flush? I did--
I didn't hear you flush.
I didn't flush,
I washed my hands.
-Do you need help?
-No, um,
I'm just
looking for this.
Found it.
Hey.
Yeah, that guy
we talked about...
I need his number.
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back
to the land
If you can't
come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet
in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go...
You don't believe me.
But that's fine.
Necessity is the mother
of invention.
I don't need you
to believe in me.
I just need to do it.
Miss Derkins, I'm coming
back with a warrant.
I will find what I'm looking
for and when I do,
I'm gonna take it.
I promise.
Hi.
Hi.
It's not working.
I-- I mean--
I mean, it is,
but I can't
change anything.
Oh, okay, so, yesterday
I heard this song.
And it reminded me of you,
but you-- you be the judge.
-Okay.
-All right. You ready?
-Uh-huh.
-You're sitting down, right?
-Okay, good.
-Yeah.
All right.
Have to go, have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand...
I like it.
When it all
goes to hell...
-Yeah.
-Kind of classy, right?
I-- I like it.
My face to the sea
And my back to the land...
What?
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
It's gonna get dark.
And bring the bag.
I knew I could do it.
It works.
But it feels locked.
Rigid.
Almost insurmountable.
Cigarettes.
Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
Okay.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That's it, done.
Today is my last day.
I think
different things...
but I can't say them.
I want to do different things,
but I can't do them.
Little things change.
I know
what's happening.
But I can't.
I can't even
tell him to run.
My goodness, ooh.
Ugh.
Yeah, , babe.
You're gonna be 21 forever.
-So, I brought...
-Yeah.
... some of this.
-Some Merlot?
-For you.
-So, I brought... some wine.
-This is 2011.
Mm-hmm, nothing
but the best for you.
Mm-hmm, I like that.
Yeah, yeah. Um...
I think I got the right kind,
'cause I know you drink white.
Thank you.
-.
-The red kind.
-I like red.
I think that's
what it says on here, red--
-The red kind.
-Red-- Red kind.
-Oh, thank you, babe.
-Uh-huh.
My goal up here is to get you,
like, hammered drunk.
-Okay, hammered.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-All right.
-Uh-huh.
'Til we can't feel feelings.
Oh, I don't-- I don't--
I don't know.
-.
-Cheers.
Yeah, cheers.
-Hmm.
-Hmm.
-All right. Okay, all right.
-Babe.
So, I want to take...
just a couple
photos of you.
-Of me? Just me?
-Mm-hmm.
Well, I'll take one
of you first.
-Okay.
-And then we'll take one of us
-together.
-Okay.
-That sound good?
-Yeah.
Okay.
All right. So...
Oh, wait, are these
for the-- for the fridge?
-Huh?
-Are these for the fridge
-or what?
-These are for--
It's for my apartment.
I wanna have lots of pictures
like your friends
who have all those photos.
You want me-- You want me to be
a-- a tiger in this?
What's my motivation?
Oh. Oh!
Are you modeling for me?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
Give you a look here--
or, I just smelled
something weird.
-Yeah.
-Okay. All right.
-Oh.
Oh, okay.
-Defending America.
-Uh-huh.
Rawr. Um...
Come-- here.
Do-- Do another one.
-Do another one.
-Okay.
-You're so good at this.
-Uh, high school.
-Oh, my gosh.
-High school yearbook.
You look very fancy.
Oh, yes.
-Yes. Keep going.
-Work it, tiger.
Work it.
Wesley, he's a stud.
What did your-- What did
the caption under your
senior yearbook picture say?
The caption under
my senior yearbook-- uh...
I think it said,
"Are-- Are those
your pants or mine?"
-They let you do that?
-Yeah.
-We've got company.
-Who is that guy?
I thought
we were alone up there.
-You think he'll take a photo?
-Yeah.
There's no one
else up here,
so how about we do a selfie
in the meantime?
All right. Okay.
.
Hey, you okay?
Wesley, honey.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
-What-- what...
-Oh, my God.
Please, baby, baby, stay--
baby, look at me.
-Is it bad? Is it bad?
-Baby, I love you so much.
I lo-- It's fine. It's-- Babe--
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
Baby, s-- you're fine.
You're gonna be okay.
Oh, God, it looks bad.
Yes, I have an emergency.
I am at the top of a hill
in El Sereno--
I'm-- I'm-- Baby, stop it,
stop it, baby.
It's in El Sereno.
Please.
There was a man,
he came up,
he stabbed
my boyfriend.
My boyfriend's
been stabbed.
El Sereno.
Can't you trace
the fucking phone?
Please.
Baby, stop it,
baby, baby, baby.
Please don't--
Stop. I don't know.
I don't know what to do.
He's been stabbed
in the stomach.
Yes, please, please.
Okay. I'm okay.
-Okay. Okay...
They're coming.
They're coming.
They're coming.
Baby, they're coming.
They're coming,
they're coming, they're coming.
They're coming.
They're coming.
I love you so much.
It's real.
It's terrible.
But the machine works.
Natalie,
this has gone too far.
You don't even know
what's going to happen.
Neither do you.
But we both know
what will happen...
if I don't do this.
If I don't try.
This ends
one way or another.
You're pretty,
you know that?
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
Okay.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
If I could change one thing...
If I could just
manage to fix one thing...
I could change it all.
What?
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
It's gonna get dark.
And bring the bag.
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
You should really stop
smoking those.
You're pretty,
do you know that?
Babe, come on.
-Cigarettes.
-Yeah.
I'm okay...
-I'm okay. I'm okay...
What?
You're pretty,
you know that?
Babe, come on.
Cigarettes.
Oh, my God.
Please, baby, baby, stay--
baby, look at me.
Baby, I love you so much.
I lo-- It's fine. It's fine...
But I can't change a thing.
Yes, I have an emergency.
Can I use
your bathroom?
Yeah.
You really shouldn't have
a gun anyways.
My therapist said
that it was okay.
I highly doubt that.
I'm really worried about you,
Natalie.
I don't want you
to hurt yourself.
I'm fine.
Hey, this is Rebecca,
leave a message.
I...
I loved Wes.
Too much.
Way too much.
But I can't undo that.
I can't undo
how I felt.
Feel.
Any more than I can
change what happened.
And you were right.
I'll hurt myself
to get away from this.
I'd die
to get away from this.
But that
won't bring him back.
So... I'll keep trying.
What?
You're pretty,
you know that?
Thank you.
Until I can't anymore,
until the air
that I breathe is gone.
All I can do now
is to be happy to remember.
And fight as hard as I can.
Always.
To fix it.
We can change
the way we remember things.
And who's to say
that's not real?
Because while you
remember it one way...
I'm going to remember
it the way I have to.
I can't live any other way.
I loved him too much.
And I will
save him somehow.
I'm gonna be okay.
This isn't the end.
Time will march on,
pretending to flow,
to move.
People think
I can't change my past.
I think they're wrong.
But I promise.
One thing
will never change:
how much I love you.
We're good,
we're good.
We're so good.
Oh, God...
You're good. You're good...
Like I said.
It's like
playing a record.
When it's playing,
it's happening.
It's a story
that's alive.
Like it has life.
But it's not.
It's locked.
Frozen in the vinyl.
The same every time.
Trapped.
The trick is...
getting it
to play again.
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
Have to go, have to go,
have to go
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go
I'll understand
If we didn't know
What we know
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
Have to go, have to go
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
And if you can't
come with me
I'll understand
Can we meet in the dark?
We don't have to say much
And if you have to go
Have to go
I'll understand
I'll let you go,
let you go
I'll understand
I'll let you go,
let you go
I'll understand
If we didn't know
what we know
'Cause when you
travel light
Some things are left
Behind
The end of the world
At the palm of my hand
When it all goes to hell
Will you
still be my friend?
My face to the sea
And my back to the land
If you can't come with me
I'll understand