Ask Me to Dance (2022) Movie Script

1
(thunder crashing)
(child giggling)
(haunting music)
(logo clicking)
(energetic music)
You never said your name
And I took you just the same
And we danced to the
beat of a different drum
Hot nights and so much fun
We were beautiful
and we were young
We had the eyes
of the world on us
Don't need to tell you
that I'm almost there
We're moving fast,
but I just don't care
Without your love, I've
got too much to bare
Feels like the
world's crashing down
World's crashing down
Just stay with me,
just stay with me
Say you will just stay
with me, just stay with me
Say you will
- Hey, excuse me.
Excuse me. You guys
did great out there.
You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, so you guys,
are you together,
or do you think I
can get a dance?
- We're married, pal.
- Oh, you're married,
you're married?
- Did you hear what I
said? We're married.
See this ring? It's platinum.
That means strength. You
can't break platinum.
You understand?
- All right, all right.
I didn't know, I didn't know.
- No problem.
But we're dancing together,
you still come up.
- All right, all
right. It's all good.
- He was so hot.
What's wrong with you?
- I'm not in the mood.
- This is why I wear this
ring. Why do I wear this ring?
- Because it attracts the boys.
- Besides that. Well, I do.
And then when I'm
done with them I go,
"I gotta go home to my husband."
That's, this is why.
But another reason is
'cause I protect you.
I protect you. I'm
a rescue squad.
(mellow music)
- Everyone having a
great time tonight?
(crowd cheering)
Come on! What the hell
am doing this for?
Is everyone having a
great time tonight?
(crowd cheering)
Are you ready for
this dance contest?
- [Crowd] Yeah!
I don't think anyone has in here
So I'm gonna need two
couples to get up here
and volunteer and show
this club what they've got.
- What do you think?
Should we do it?
- No, Jill, this kind of place,
it's just better to watch.
(crowd cheering)
- You guys think you
can dethrone the queen?
Do you think they can?
- [Crowd] No!
- All right. Let's
see what you got.
Do you want fast or slow music?
- Fast.
(crowd cheering)
(energetic music)
(energetic music continues)
- That was good, that was good.
(energetic music continues)
- All right, all right, not bad.
(crowd cheering)
What kind of music do you
guys want? Slow or fast?
- Slow.
- All right.
(laid-back music)
(crowd cheering)
- Ooh, wow.
(laid-back music continues)
(laid-back music continues)
(crowd cheering)
- Not bad. Not
bad, but I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that
to take my title.
I don't even need do dance.
What are you all talking about?
I'm a professional dancer.
I'm so confident I
can take this title,
you can put me with
anyone in this club
and I'll still win
the competition.
Hey you, what's your name?
- M-me? Me?
- Yeah, you. I'm
looking right at you.
- Oh, m-my name's Jack.
- Jack. My name's Samantha.
It seems to have a
little problem here.
I got to running my mouth
saying I could win this contest
with anyone in here.
So I'm afraid you're gonna
have to dance with me.
- Wait. Oh, I'm not
supposed to be here.
I, no, no, no, wait.
- That's obvious.
DJ, give us something
to dance to.
- Oh no. I feel so bad for him.
(lively music)
(crowd clapping)
Got no place that
I can call home
Got no taste for
fancy things to own
(crowd cheering)
Got no need for banks
to give me loans
- What happened?
- Wow!
Let me be alone,
let me be alone
Let me be alone,
let me be alone
(crowd cheering)
Let me be alone
(lively music)
We don't need
them, Lord, I swear
We ain't bleeding,
we don't care
Got no boss, work my
fingers to the bone
All that greed that
we have ever known
We don't need them,
let us be alone
(crowd cheering)
- Jack, that was the best
thing I have ever seen.
- It was your girlfriend's idea.
She called me at work
and she was like,
"You gotta come to
the club tonight."
- It came to me in a dream.
I do these dance contests
every week and thought
"Let's see if we could
surprise them this time."
- Do you think
anybody filmed it?
I'm sure if you searched "Nerd
dance partner" on YouTube
it's already trending.
- Look, as much as I love
hanging with you guys,
I gotta get going.
- Man, there's like five
days left of the year.
- I know, I know.
But I got a big
client presentation.
- All right. I'll see you, man.
- I will be in a
little later tomorrow.
- That was awesome,
Jack. Really.
We gotta do it again sometime.
- We'll see.
- All right, bro.
Don't drink too much.
- Too late.
(Jack laughing)
- Hi.
- Well, hello.
- What do you need, honey?
- I was hoping to meet the
guy that danced earlier.
He was amazing.
- You literally just missed him.
- Oh, okay. Crap.
Well, I'm assuming you guys
worked all of that
out beforehand, yeah?
- Just a quick practice
before the club opened,
but Jack can dance.
He used to be a
ballroom dance teacher.
- Wow.
Well, great show, guys.
Really. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- You didn't do shit.
Like on TV, I've been sleazy
I'm a bachelor
Know you like it when you
call us from your guest house
Well, I'm hot, heat must
hurt, need a catch-up
Somewhere between a
rock and hard place
Somewhere between
love and heartache
I've been thinking
about you all day
'Cause I'm thinking
'bout you always
Feels like a hundred degrees
when you're looking at me
In the middle of the winter
and I still feel the heat
When you give me
cold shoulder, I can
watch you leave
'Cause it's a hundred degrees
when you're looking at me
(soft music)
- Nice night.
- Hm.
- The year almost turns.
- Yeah, I know. It went so fast.
- You are going to find
what you are looking for.
- Oh, is that so?
- You are going to meet
the love of your life
before midnight
on New Year's Eve.
- Well, thank you. I hope so.
- (chuckling) Oh, no.
You.
You are going to find
what you are looking for.
- I am?
- Yes, you are going to
meet the love of your life
by midnight on New Year's Eve.
- Wow. (laughing)
What's your name?
- Madame Cecile.
- Well, thank you,
Madame Cecile.
- [Cecile] You're welcome.
- The love of my life
in five days, huh?
(soft music)
(Jack laughing)
Crap.
(upbeat music)
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
Through the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is
to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight
Oh, jingle bells,
jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
Now the ground is white,
go it while you're young
Take the girls along and
sing a sleighing song
Just get a bobtailed
bay, 240 as your speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack, you'll
take the lead
Oh jingle bells,
jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
- Well, I went through a
shitty divorce and I guess
I had PTSD or
something, you know?
How could someone you loved
and trusted turn so nasty?
Literally I'd put my
life on hold for her.
I realized I'd given
her everything.
Stopped dancing.
You know, I used to
teach ballroom dancing
and she wouldn't even
dance with me socially.
Stopped hanging out
with my friends.
And I think maybe only now
am I ready to
start dating again.
- W-well, Jack, um, when
I said "How's it going?"
I meant like, "How's
your day going?"
You know, like.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
So the presentation
you had for us?
- Right. The presentation.
Great.
If you'll open your
folders to page one,
I, I had outlined a whole dance
program, a whole software.
(Patrick knocking)
- Hello.
- Hello. So, Jilly Jill,
did you have fun last night?
- Shouldn't I be asking
you that question?
- Maybe.
- So what was it?
- What you'd expect. He wants
a relationship, I don't.
- Of course. What is that?
Why is that in life when you
don't wanna a relationship,
you get countless offers?
- You are all about getting
back into a relationship?
You've just gotten
out of a horrible one.
- I know, I know.
But something kind of
amazing happened last night.
- Hm. Miss positive hm.
What happened?
- I met this old woman who
told me that I was going to
meet the love of my life
before the end of the year.
- An old lady? Like
a fairy godmother?
- Well, it's not like
she did the whole
bibbidi-bobbiti-boo
thing, but you know,
there was some sort
of magic there.
- There was some magic.
So she must have done a little
salagadoola mechicka boola.
You know I'm all about that.
- Wait, what are you doing?
- I am finally putting
you on a dating app.
- Patrick, no.
- What do you think?
Your soulmate's just
gonna walk by the office?
(door slamming)
- Some old lady said this?
- Yes.
- That's so random.
- Agreed.
And then she handed me a cat.
- What, like an actual cat?
- Yep. And then she walked away.
- And you kept the cat.
- Well, I didn't want
Whiskers to be all alone.
- You named her?
- Him.
- Okay, dude. Dude, dude, dude.
I see this as a sign.
I've been dying
to set you up with
my friend Hillary from the gym.
Now I'm doing it.
- Tonight?
- Totally.
Tomorrow's the company picnic.
It's like a day off anyways.
You're gonna love Hillary.
She's in great shape,
really obsessed.
- Oh, you wanna do like
a double date thing?
You and Samantha?
- Nah, we don't do
the normal date shit.
We're just gonna
stay home tonight
and go through Craigslist.
- Craigslist? Please tell me
you're looking for furniture.
- Well, if furniture is code
for women that want three-ways,
then yes.
(Jack laughing)
- Wait, you're serious?
- You judge, but I am
living the dream, bro.
Samantha has an
insatiable appetite
for hooking up with women.
She finds them on
Craigslist, lures them in,
and then bam, three-way.
- Living the dream.
- The dream in my pants.
Yeah, oh, Hillary.
No, I, uh, I was, I was reading
an ad for jeans out loud.
Those things are so stupid.
Look, are you free tonight?
Great. You're going
on a blind date.
You up for it?
Perfect.
Where do you wanna meet her?
(intense rock music)
- Hillary?
- Hey, dude. You must be Jake.
- Jack.
- All good. So how
long you known David?
- A long time.
We were friends in college
and now we work together.
How about you?
- Just this year.
Met at the gym.
When we get to talk,
it's all about you
And right now, baby
I think I'm better off alone
- Jill?
- Carter.
So get a grip, get
real, or get gone
- Enchante.
- So David said you
like to work out.
- Guilty. You?
- Well, no, not really.
I guess I'm in
pretty good shape,
but I just try to stay active.
- Hm. I hate you.
- What?
- You're one of
those people that
don't have to work
out, aren't you?
- I guess.
- Hate that shit.
- You're on multiple
dating apps?
- No, I mean, no. Well, yes.
My friend actually hooked
me up on like all of them
this morning, actually.
- So you've never
used them before?
- No, not before today. No.
- Come on.
I mean, it's the way
things are done these days,
I was worried at first too,
but it seems to be going okay.
- Well, what were
you worried about?
- Well, I'm an actor.
I'm sure you read
that on my profile.
I don't know if you had
a chance to Wikipedia me,
but you know, I didn't wanna
be exposed on the dating sites
and ruin my fan base.
- Your fan base?
- Ever since the reality shows.
- Reality shows?
- Yeah.
All right, it all started
when I had a few scenes
on "Billionaire Matchmaker".
I was one of the matches
for the female billionaires.
And then there was
"Sexy Submarine".
- Is that the one
where you have to
serve naked on a submarine?
- Yes.
And now I'm up for a new show.
- How do you top being
naked on submarine?
- It's a reality
star rehab show.
- Oh, you're a drug addict.
- No. But I'm working on it.
(Jill laughing)
- That's great music.
- Totally, right?
Hey, do you like to dance?
- I do.
- Okay!
- Let's finish these few beers
I bought and let's do this.
- Oh.
- Cheers. Oh, geez.
- This is a, this
is a great song.
- You wanna dance?
- Sure. Yeah.
Oh, you dance?
Oh, of course you do.
You're an actor. You
probably do everything.
- Don't assume
anything about me.
Come on.
Act like a man
Whine and moan and
sit around all day
I get home after 15 hours,
you got nothing to say
- Oh wow.
That's, okay.
Yeah.
(Hillary belching)
- Whoo!
- Oh.
Get a grip, get
real, or get gone
(energetic music)
Yeah
- Oh, wow. (laughing)
(energetic music)
Yeah, okay, yeah.
Hey, I'm, uh.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm just, I'm
really hot in here.
- Ah.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
No. Do you mind if we just
maybe like, just take a break?
- Lead the way.
- Okay.
Is gonna give you the blues
Like walking uphill
down a dead-end road
- You ready to do this?
- Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait,
what are you doing?
- I lead when I dance.
- You lead? Isn't
it better if I lead?
- Okay, Mr. Old-Fashioned,
you think you can lead
better than I can?
- Yes?
- Go ahead.
- Great.
No, no.
- I wasn't feeling it out there.
- Yeah. Neither, neither was I.
- Yeah. I think I
know the problem.
You think I'm fat.
- Oh, no, no. I, I, I don't.
- Yeah. You think I'm
a fat piece of shit.
- Oh, I really don't, no.
- All right. I'm gonna
leave this with you guys.
Just let me know if
I need anything else.
- Thank you.
- I didn't have anything, so.
It's all you.
- Wait, did you just
drop your accent?
- Yeah. I told you not to
assume anything about me.
They found me.
Hey, sorry. You see,
I was on a hot date.
You guys get a tip
that I was here, or?
- Yeah, we're not here for
whoever you think you are.
Mark Wahlberg's in there.
- I'm a fat piece of shit.
- Yeah, totally.
- Nope, nope. Trying
to go this way.
Okay. Thanks.
(energetic music)
Nope, nope. You're fighting.
Don't fight me.
All right. Hey.
Okay. This ain't working.
- I think you needs
to let me lead.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Oh. Is this a competition?
- Oh. no. God, no.
- I think it is.
You wanna go somewhere
and see who really leads?
- I guess?
(Hillary breathing heavily)
(Hillary groaning)
- He was humping me from
behind on the dance floor.
It was awful. Is it me, Amy?
- Yes, it's you.
- I appreciate your honesty.
- I'm just keeping a real
for my maid of honor.
It's like women
have this checklist
and each year they grow older,
the list gets
smaller and smaller.
At first it's a
passionate, well-built,
financially stable man with
a great sense of humor.
Then the years go by, you
look back on your list,
and it's now narrowed
down to just employed.
- Wow.
- You soon realize
you gotta settle.
- So Ron is just your
like, settle guy?
- Hey, Jill.
- Hey Ron. We were
just talking about you.
- Oh yeah? What are
you girls up to?
- Looking at wedding
dresses. So scram.
- Okay.
I'm gonna go work out.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
- Yeah, I'm settling.
Ron's not a rocket
scientist, but look at him.
Come on. You should see his dad.
There's something in their
genes. It's like they don't eat.
- Oh, I am not going to settle.
- Oh, that's right.
The gypsy lady thingy.
- Mm-hm. Four days
left after tonight.
The exact day of your wedding,
and the last night of the year.
- Gonna meet the love
of your life, huh?
Ron?
- Hey, babe. What
are you girls up to?
- Don't you have a friend
coming to the wedding
who might be good for Jill?
- Which one?
- The one, you know.
(sighing) Just gimme your phone.
I'll find him and
dial it for you.
- So I go out thinking I'm
gonna meet the love of my life
and she signs me up
for a gym membership.
- Let it go, Jack.
You'll find her.
So it's fantastic to meet you.
I mean, we connect
on so many levels.
And you're so attractive.
And do you like to dance?
No, no. You hate dancing.
Oh no.
God damn, even in my fantasies
the girl's not right?
(phone ringing)
Hello.
- Hey, buddy. How's it going?
- Hey Ron, listen,
looking forward to the
wedding this weekend,
but I don't have my charger
and my phone's about to die.
- Oh yeah. Hey, listen.
I have a girl here
that wants to meet you.
- Okay, great, but-
- Hang on. I'm gonna put her on.
That's great.
- I'll call you when I get,
wait, no, Ron, wait!
- Hello?
(Jack groaning)
- Great, great.
- He hung up.
- What? That sucks.
- Yeah. The story of my life.
- No, no, no. Let
me call him back.
I'm gonna give him some hell.
What's his name?
- No, don't, don't.
If he doesn't wanna pick up,
he doesn't wanna pick up.
He doesn't wanna talk, he
doesn't wanna talk. It's fine.
- What if that gypsy lady was
just a homeless man in drag?
- Well, I guess I have
four days to find out.
- There you are.
Miss Positivity.
Perfect maid of honor.
- Oh yeah. 300, great.
Oh, I love apps.
- Hey, Whiskers. Hi, buddy.
How was your day?
Gotta charge my phone.
All right.
Don't sound desperate,
don't sound desperate,
don't sound desperate.
No?
Okay.
(phone ringing)
Yeah, no, no, I talk
to girls all the time.
How you doing?
- [Ron] Hey, it's Ron.
Leave a message at the beep.
Um, hey, this is Ron.
I can't really remember who
I'm leaving this message for.
Just, will you
call me back, okay?
(phone beeping)
- Hey, Ron, bro, broski.
Hey man, I just, um,
I wanted to leave this
message 'cause my phone died,
and I'd really love to talk
to that girl, you know,
but I, I'm not
desperate or anything.
I just thought that maybe, um.
You know what? Forget it.
I'm going to sleep. Gimme a
call when you get this message.
Not bad, not bad, Jack.
Super bad, super bad.
That sounded super desperate.
(Whiskers meowing)
You're a cat. What do you know?
(upbeat music)
Circling 'round
the same drives
- Hey, Jack.
- Oh, hey. Ah, Samantha!
You made it to this nutso event.
- I don't have to work tonight,
and David kept telling
me how kitsch it was.
Hey, I want you to meet
our new friend, Vanessa.
- Jack.
- Nice to meet you.
- Did you get her on Craigslist?
- No, I met her in the
bathroom line. She's for you.
- So we brought
Vanessa over because
we figured that you
might like to meet her.
- Whoa. How much do I
owe you for this favor?
(Vanessa laughing)
- You are so funny. (laughing)
I'm sorry, I just love a man
with a good sense of humor.
- Oh, we're using
L word already.
- So do you work for AES?
- Oh, Jack is a rockstar
in the IT department.
- Ooh, a rockstar.
- How about you?
- Oh, I'm in accounting.
I'm good at accounting.
How come I haven't
met you before?
- Oh, it's a big company.
I'm sure there's a lot
of people we haven't met.
- We're in the car and we get
to that awkward silence part,
you know, the right before
the kiss awkward silence.
- And, and, and?
- And he leans in to kiss me.
And as he does, he looks me
dead in the eye and he goes,
"You look just like my father."
- Oh, gross.
- I mean, you know,
yeah. It was disgusting.
I mean, if he said,
"Oh, Daddy," that's hot,
but he didn't.
He said, he was very specific.
He said, "You look
just like my father."
- Okay. Well, did you kiss?
- No. Yeah, well, yeah.
Well, yeah, we did.
But only for like 30 seconds.
- Of course.
- No, I didn't.
- Hello, my name is
Patrick and this is
my very, very
single friend Jill.
- Connor. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hey, do you work for AES?
I haven't seen you around.
- Oh, no. Just
here with my wife.
- What the hell is your problem?
- You do not need
another married man.
You've done that already.
- He was just, he was
nice. We were just talking.
- No, I was just talking.
I'm the taster.
I taste, and if I don't die
in 10 seconds from poison,
then I give you the spoon.
- You don't have to taste.
- I have to taste for you
because your instincts
are very, very blurry.
And ain't nobody got time
for that. What do you got?
Like four days? What
do you got left?
- I don't know. Let me check.
- Oh, good. Look at your phone.
- I've got three
days and 10 hours.
- That guy looks
really familiar to me.
Hey, you're Jill, right?
You work in custom printing?
- Yeah, right.
And you're, uh...
Ted.
- Todd.
- Todd, right. I'm sorry, sorry.
I was close though.
You're in the, you work
in the warehouse, right?
Bingo.
- Yeah.
- So what kind of
music do you listen to?
- Mostly country.
- Hmm. I could dig country.
- Maybe I should keep this one.
Tie him up like a young bull.
Gag his mouth.
- I'm gonna get another drink.
Any, any of you guys want one?
- I'll come.
- Vanessa, uh, do you
mind staying with David?
I have to talk to
Jack about something.
- Oh, I, I guess.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Thank you, Sam.
- I could see you
freaking out already.
- Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Major stalky.
- Oh, come on.
She's just nervous.
- She seemed pretty
confident to me.
- Don't ruin this before
it starts, jackass.
- Uh, I'm sorry.
But she is super desperate
and major stalky.
- How can you tell?
- I get a vibe.
- Trust me. I know women.
She's, she's fine.
I mean, she is hot
and if she's crazy,
that just means
she's better in bed.
- Hi.
(doorbell ringing)
- Hi, um, I'm here
to pick up Vanessa.
- Mom, he's here.
So are you the guy that's
gonna be my new daddy?
- Just going to a
bar, going to a bar.
Just going to have
a couple drinks.
- Are you guys coming
back here tonight?
- Vanessa?
You're so sexy
Lie here and dream
along with me
Together, let's ride
Closer and closer each day
Hold onto those treasures
The rust isn't
built to decay
Now we move so closely
The fences have
all gone away
(crowd cheering)
- How long have
you been dancing?
- My whole life.
- It shows.
- Thank you. You're
not so bad yourself.
- I like that.
- All right.
- [Both] Cheers.
- Ooh! What was that?
- It's called a Scooby snack.
- You don't think
it's too sweet?
- I hate the taste of alcohol,
but I love getting drunk.
(Jill laughing)
- Well, what the hell.
You only live once.
- YOLO.
- Is that what the
youngins say these days?
- I mean, I guess.
(Jack laughing nervously)
- I could fall in love with you.
- Oh.
- Don't you feel that chemistry?
- No, I, yeah, I feel it.
- I feel like I could cut
you open and live inside you.
- Oh geez.
- You don't think
I'm too old for you?
- Nope. Actually,
you're just my type.
Let me guess.
You were abused at some point.
Abused chicks always dig me.
- Oh yes. Oh yes.
- You should, like, oh, hi.
- So we gonna close
this tonight, or?
- You're not having fun.
- No, no, not really.
- What's up?
- Well, after the little hot
daughter, new daddy incident
and the fact that Vanessa
just told me she loves me
and she wants to cut me
open and live inside me,
I realized something, David.
- Which is?
- Maybe I just want
somebody to dance with,
somebody to go out
and have fun with,
no complications,
no responsibilities,
no commitments.
(sighing) I don't know.
- I saw you out there.
You're a pretty great dancer.
- Thank you.
- Okay, so I'm gonna
go up on the bar,
I'm gonna run and
jump into your arms.
- You sure that's a good idea?
- I do it all the time.
Can you catch me?
- Well, yes, sure,
but, oh, okay.
- And I'm catching
this on video.
- Oh, geez.
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
What do we long for anyway
- Guess she lost interest.
- That could have
been your soulmate.
- I hope you get
syphilis one day.
Oh look. There's your chance.
- Oh, that is hot.
- I'm outta here.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Maybe we could do a
little four-way action.
- No thanks.
- All right, suit yourself.
- Enjoy being cut open.
Whoa, whoa
So we say whoa, whoa
(playful music)
(body thudding)
- You didn't catch me.
(laid-back music)
- Well, what are you doing?
Why are you chewing ice?
It's a sign of frustration.
You can't do that.
You can't let people
know you're frustrated.
I wanna eat that whole thing,
but I won't give them
the pleasure of knowing
how frustrated I really am.
- What do you think?
- Mmm. Sexy.
- If you want people
to know you're a slut.
- I'm so glad Jill
brought you today.
Dammit. The wedding
is in three days.
- The other dress was perfect.
Why do you wanna change
everything last minute?
- No, it was wrong for me.
I couldn't pull it off.
I thought I was gonna
get into better shape.
I can't believe I'm dealing
with this right now.
- So how's it going?
- It's going.
- Oh Jill, I love you because
you're such a dreamer.
A bag lady gives you a fortune
and you take it to heart
and it doesn't work out.
- That's an
understatement, Patrick.
Ever since she told me I'd
meet the love of my life,
all I've attracted
are shitty dudes.
- Well, maybe it's all
prepped for the big one.
How do you know what you want
if you don't know
what you don't want?
- Because I've been
practicing my whole life.
- So what do you want?
- What do you think?
- Ooh, I love it.
- Oh, that would be perfect
for a shotgun wedding in Vegas.
You should get pregnant first.
- Come sit. You're good.
- (sighing) So
okay. What'd I miss?
- We're talking about
Jill's dream guy.
- Again with this?
Just go for a guy who
doesn't treat you like shit
and isn't hard on the eyes.
Done.
- What do you say,
Patrick? Me and you.
- I'm pretty sure you
don't have a penis.
That's one of my requirements.
- Don't you have
anyone else you know
who might be good for Jill?
- Have you met Mark,
my professor friend?
- Ooh, a teacher.
They believe in a
hands-on approach.
- Okay. Get, get, get, we
need to get you a dress.
Come on we need to
find you something.
- Hurry up, you're drunk.
- Straight, straight
lines. Straight lines.
Ooh. So pretty.
- Ooh. So pale.
- Ooh. Oh, I love that.
Yes. That's beautiful.
- Is this an Amish wedding?
- That's the one.
- Boobies, boobies, boobies.
Hello everybody.
I'm Joan Crawford.
Discipline mixed with
love is the best recipe.
Beat your children.
- What do you
think? Nice, right?
- Yeah. It's great.
- Who are you texting?
- That girl Vanessa.
She's a freak, Jack.
Last night after the
three-way action, she leaves,
and when she gets home,
she texts Samantha and
I, "I made it home safe."
- Okay.
- Then she sends a nudie pic.
- Nice.
- No. See, we were
asleep by then.
So this morning when we wake
up, we each have like 40 texts,
each more psycho than the last,
about how we used her and
we're ignoring her now.
- I called that.
She had crazy eyes.
You gotta get out while you can.
- Oh, no way, man.
That sex was epic.
Like "Lawrence of Arabia" epic.
- Is that all it's
about for you?
- That's like 90% of it, yeah.
Anyways, we're bringing
her to Ron's wedding.
- Are you nuts?
- What?
- You're, you're bringing
your three-way sex toy
to Ron's wedding?
- Well, he said it was fine.
- David. Of course he did.
Ron is an idiot. We've
known him since college.
He's the nicest guy, but there's
not much going on up there.
- Are we even sure he
went to college with us?
I never saw him go to class.
He just stayed in the apartment.
- Honestly, I think he
just thought living at
the off-campus
apartments with us
meant he was going to college.
- Ah, now he's getting married.
What the hell are you
drinking, by the way?
- It's a protein shake
my trainer put me on.
- Your trainer?
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- So who are you
bringing to the wedding?
- I don't have a date yet.
- Let's fix that.
- Yeah. I can take
care of myself.
- You should bring
Vanessa's daughter.
(ominous music)
(man speaking German)
- So what's this movie?
- It's called (speaking German).
It was Germany's Best
Foreign Language Film entry
for the Oscars this year.
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah.
- So how long have
you been teaching?
- 15 years. Yeah.
- You love it?
- I do.
- What do you teach?
- Chemistry, for
high school seniors.
Yeah, yeah.
- Any chance you'll
ever break bad?
- You know that show
is extremely offensive
to chemistry teachers.
(Jill laughing)
(tense music)
- Do you wanna get some popcorn?
- Why not? You want, you
need popcorn right now?
You want me to get some
popcorn? I'll get your popcorn.
(Mark grumbling)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- So 30 seconds. Tell
me something about you.
- Well, I'm divorced.
I work in IT.
I used to teach
ballroom dancing.
I don't anymore, but I still
love to go out dancing.
Your turn.
- I have BPD, which is
borderline personality disorder.
I've been in and out of mental
hospitals my whole life.
I'm also bipolar.
- You like to dance?
- No.
(bell ringing)
- Oh, one large popcorn, please.
- Ooh. Can we get some
butter on that, please?
- Oh, no, wait.
Two large popcorns.
One no butter.
Thank you.
- What, do you not like butter?
- It wouldn't be butter,
it'd be diacetyl.
Synthetic butter.
When heated to
high temperatures,
diacetyl vaporizes
and becomes toxic.
Maybe they should have put
that shit in "Breaking Bad".
So what do you do?
- Um, I work for a
software company,
but I don't work directly
for our software.
I'm in the graphic
design department.
- Oh, you don't have
to apologize for that.
- Was I apologizing?
- I don't know. I mean, you
didn't sound very proud of it.
Thank you.
(bell ringing)
- [Woman] You've never been?
- To a sex party house? No, no.
- Here's what I'm saying.
Couples get a discounted rate.
We can go together as a
couple, no strings attached.
And then when we get there,
we could bang whoever we want.
And if you don't
like the person,
then we could just
say your girlfriend
or boyfriend doesn't approve.
So look, if you're it, you
just add your name to the list.
- "Christine's Bang Bang Party."
Oh, it's at the Hotel Camelot.
I had a baptism there once.
(bell ringing)
- I've been dying
to see this movie.
They say it inspires and has
a message at the same time.
- Can't wait.
- You having a good time?
- Yeah.
- Hm.
(bell ringing)
- Sagittarius.
- My ex was a Sag.
- Is that a good thing?
- Well, yeah.
- Thank God.
- Craig was such a
strong foundation for me.
He provided for me, took
care of me, but I don't know.
I guess I felt
something was missing.
I made a mistake.
Slept with his brother.
And that part he
couldn't forgive.
I want him back so bad.
- Craig?
- No, his brother.
(bell ringing)
(tense music)
- So sex after this, right?
(actors speaking German)
(bell ringing)
- Well, I think we squeezed
all we can outta
these 30 seconds.
- I concur.
- I'm just gonna go
ahead and say it.
I would love to
take this further.
- Me too.
- Okay. Quick, before
they ding us off.
Let me get your number.
- Here. I'll put
it in your phone.
- Okay.
(phone chiming)
- Living the dream?
- You're not gonna give me
your number now, are you.
(bell ringing)
- I give up.
(muffled energetic music)
(car beeping)
All right, all
right, let's do this
How do you sleep doing
what you've been doing
After all the things you've
been putting me through
After all of the things
you've been accusing me of
Your secret castles
made of sand
Watch out, the
tide's rolling in
How do you think you could
get away with such a thing
Can go out at night while
you're wearing your ring
For such a beautiful girl
you do some nasty things
Bet your closet's filled up
Your spiderweb's
got me tangled up
I been watching you, I
knew you were up to no good
So deranged, wouldn't
change even if you could
My baby, somebody save me
She's a deadly catch
Burning them up
like Godzilla
Officially bad, she's
a beautiful pro killer
Go dim the lights
Turn your head to the right
Treating me wrong, girl, I
like it when you play along
You look so nice in
that little white thong
Just like an angel
with the devil in you
Take it off, let
me see the real you
Say you love me, but
you won't be true
What a deadly catch,
got me hooked on you
I been watching you,
I been watching you
Up to no good
So deranged, wouldn't
change even if you could
Ooh, my baby,
somebody save me
She's a deadly catch
Burning them up
like Godzilla
Officially bad, she's
a beautiful pro killer
Turn out the lights,
girl, I knew you would
So deranged, wouldn't
change even if she could
Ooh, my baby,
somebody save me
She's a deadly catch
Burning them up
like Godzilla
Officially bad, she's
a beautiful pro killer
I been watching you, girl, I
knew you were up to no good
So deranged, wouldn't change
- Wow.
- So Ron, where's your father?
- He is right over there.
He's 75.
- Hi. How are you?
- Hi. You gotta be kidding me.
- Guys, you didn't
wear your tuxes?
- Hello, hello.
Sorry, sorry I'm late.
Sorry, Amy, Ron, hello.
Father Mitchell, and
hello to everyone else.
I'm never gonna remember
all of your names.
So I know you're dying to
get to the rehearsal dinner.
I'll make this as
quick and painless
as I possibly can, all right?
- Your Honor, I am so sorry
that everybody didn't dress up.
- You don't dress up
for the rehearsal, Ron.
But goddamn, you look handsome.
- Amy!
And Ron, let's go ahead and
get you two in the middle here.
And let's have the women
of the bridal party line up
to Amy's left, the
groomsmen to Ron's right.
There we go. We settled?
Fantastic. Okay.
So the bridal party will
come down one by one
and they'll arrive and
assemble right here.
And we don't need to
rehearse that, do we?
- No, sir.
- Okay.
- And I'm to understand
that Ron's father
will be walking Amy down the
aisle, which would be you.
- Yes. Ben Davis.
- Perfect.
- He's 75.
- Wow. Really?
Okay, Ben, go ahead
and you walk her down.
You will arrive here.
Once you arrive here,
you will hand Amy to Ron,
and then you will go ahead and
take your seat on the aisle.
- Well, I actually
wanted my mother
to walk with my Nana first.
We should practice that one.
Mom, where's Nana?
- She's in the bathroom.
- Fine. Let's just move on.
- Amy. We can't get married
without your Nana here.
- Ron. This is not the wedding.
This is the rehearsal.
- My sparkling butterfly,
are you getting cold feet?
- Tomorrow is the
wedding. Jesus Christ.
- Amy!
- Who the hell
cleans this place?
These bathrooms are a shithole.
(Amy laughing)
(glass clinking)
- Everyone.
I just wanted to say a few
words before we got started.
You know, rehearsal dinners
are so very special.
Well, not just for
the wedding party,
but for our closest
of closest of friends.
And we all know that my
husband, Amy's dad Charlie,
is, is here with us,
watching over us right now.
So Amy, Ron, tomorrow
is going to be,
oh, now what do
you kids call it?
Epic.
Tomorrow is going to be epic,
because your dad is gonna
be right here with us
pulling all the right strings.
- Hear, hear!
- Oh, cheers.
- Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
I love you, Mom.
- I love you too, baby.
- Let's eat, let's eat,
let's eat, let's eat,
let's eat, let's eat, let's eat.
I'm hungry.
- Oh, that poor kid
is about his eating.
You know, Charlie may not
have been her real father.
(all gasping)
(mellow music)
- Hi, I'm Jill.
- Gabe.
- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
- You ready for tomorrow?
- After Ron's bachelor party,
I think I'll be
ready for anything.
Drinks?
- Sure.
- I was gonna get a martini.
You?
- I love martinis.
- Awesome. Let's go.
(energetic music)
- Whoo!
- So, you wanna do the
geek dance again tonight?
- Ah, nah, not
that it wasn't fun,
but it just didn't lead
to any hookups for me.
- If it did, he'd want
to do it every night.
- No, I'd go geek 24/7.
- Some girl was looking
for you that night.
- Wait, what did she look like?
- She was gorgeous.
- Oh, come on. You're just
telling me this right now?
- You left so quickly,
what could I do?
I forgot about it.
Look, Jack, sometimes
something is set in motion
and you may never
find out the results.
- What does that mean?
- Like, say the girl that
saw you dance that night
is your soulmate.
That would mean you're destined
to bump into her again.
- You sound just like that
crazy old lady on the bridge,
- On the bridge?
I thought you said he
went to a fortune-teller.
- No, some lady ran
into him on Lake Avenue.
- And said he was gonna
meet the love of his life
in five days?
- Yes.
- (laughing) Her name's
Cecile. She's demented.
She tells everyone that.
Tries to give them a cat too.
- Whiskers?
- You took the cat?
Never take the cat!
- That's a thing?
Oh, come on.
So you in this entire week
where I've had some of the
crappiest dates of my life,
it's been leading up to nothing?
- We don't know that yet.
Maybe it's all destiny.
- Yeah, I'm thinking
it's all bullshit.
Can we get another
round of shots, please?
- Tonight's the night, Jack.
We are finding your soulmate.
- Yeah?
- Yes. I'm 100% focused.
Hang on.
Are you guys having fun tonight?
(crowd cheering)
- What is she doing?
- Some of you guys might
have been here last week
when I had this geek with
me and we surprised everyone
and won the dance contest.
Who saw that?
- Oh no, no.
Please tell me she's
not doing this.
- Well, that geek's
here again tonight
and surprise surprise,
he ain't no geek.
He's hot and he's
single, ladies.
(crowd cheering)
- Too much?
- And then I told him, "You
take out the dry cleaning~"
(laughing) I just
love that so much.
- He loves that story.
- Oh, sweetie,
look at your hands.
- Aw. They look
so happy together.
- Really?
(upbeat music)
- I love this song. Wanna dance?
- Yeah. I would love that.
I heard you singing
from the balcony
- You ready for this?
- Yeah.
'Cause you're my baby
- Easy, tiger, slow down.
- What, you can't
handle these moves?
- I don't think anyone
can handle these moves.
- Oh, are you, are you okay?
- So have you ever traveled?
- Tons of places.
I used to travel the world for
ballroom dance competitions.
- Oh, wow.
- Do you dance?
- No, not really.
- Well, have you ever traveled?
- No, unfortunately,
but I want to.
- Well, maybe we could
travel together someday.
- I would like that.
Got a few things I coulda
told your parents about
- What's so funny?
- Nothing. Just
some good friends.
- Oh yeah, Samantha.
She's like the MC here
or something, right?
- Yep.
- She called you out earlier.
- She did.
- Well, I'm happy she did.
Otherwise how would we have met?
- To Samantha.
- To Samantha.
- This is gonna sound nuts,
but sometimes I like to
just go with the flow.
- Okay. I love doing that.
- All right. Well, tomorrow
I have a wedding to go to.
It's a friend I've known for
years and I don't have a date.
Would you like to go with me?
- I would.
- Fantastic.
- I love weddings.
- Me too.
- Have you ever been married?
- You know, I didn't
think you were gonna
come forward like
that on that move.
- Really?
Even after the way you yanked
me towards you like that?
- I guess when you
put it that way.
- Apology accepted.
- Hey. I'm sorry, okay?
- Are you two
brother and sister?
- No.
- Oh, okay.
Probably cousins.
Ah, beautiful bride.
- Awkward.
Hey, can we start over?
- Sure.
- Hi, my name's Gabe.
- I'm Jill.
- It's a pleasure
to meet you, sis.
- So it didn't end well?
- How many divorces do?
- Are you happier now?
- I am.
- Well, that's all that matters.
- How about you?
You ever been married?
- No. God, no.
- All right. Let's
lighten it up.
Can I ask you a few questions?
- Yes, officer.
- Let's see. What's
your favorite movie?
- Um, I like "Frozen".
- All right. Who's
your favorite musician?
- Selena Gomez.
- All right. What's
your favorite TV show?
- I like "Fuller House".
- Wait, how old are you?
- I just turned 21.
How about you?
- You know.
- I mean, it doesn't
matter to me.
Age is like, totally
a state of mind.
- I agree.
- Okay. So how old are you?
- I'm 42.
- Okay.
So when I was born, you were
already of legal drinking age.
- Hey, you two.
You guys look like
couple of the night
from where I'm standing.
- Yeah. We're
having a good time.
- So anything crazy about
you that Jack should know?
What? I figured I'd
get it out of the way.
- I mean, I did stab
my last boyfriend.
(Samantha and David laughing)
(lighthearted music)
- May I help you, buddy?
- Yes. Hi.
I'm here to pick up
a suit. Jack Fisher.
- And you, bro?
- I'm here to pick
up a suit as well.
Patrick Dewitt.
- The Davis wedding
on New Year's Eve?
- Same.
- Huh.
- You two together?
- Uh, yeah.
- I'm Jack.
- I'm Patrick.
- Are you friends with
the bride or the groom?
- I've known Amy
for years and years.
- Ron's been my friend
a long, long time.
- You look really familiar.
- Yeah, I was gonna
say the same thing.
- Here you go, butt buddies.
(lighthearted music)
- Do you work, you work for AES.
- I do.
- You do, right?
- Yes.
- Ah, that's it.
I knew I wasn't crazy.
- How are you two
paying for this?
- I don't know. How do you
wanna pay for this, honey?
You wanna split it this time?
- Yes, darling.
- Here you go, dear.
- Such a gentleman.
- Now I know who the
girl is. Pansies.
- I don't know if
you're snorting
too much dry cleaning
fluid lately,
but I'm gonna tell
you something.
If it wasn't for butt
buddies and pansies,
you wouldn't even
have a business,
'cause most of the
clothes that you clean
are designed by butt
buddies and pansies.
And by the way, your business
is named after a gay bar.
Let's go.
(upbeat music)
- You look lost.
- Oh yeah. Cards are
like, not my thing.
Do you work here?
- No, I am actually
card-shopping as well.
- Oh, I can't seem to
find the right one.
All I see are Christmas cards.
- Oh, what are you looking for?
- A wedding card.
- Oh, me too.
- Whose wedding?
- My friend Amy.
- Marrying Ron?
- Yes. I'm the maid of honor.
- Oh yeah, that's just great.
Ron's an old college
buddy of mine.
Yeah. I'm David, by the way.
- Jill.
- So random.
- Or maybe not.
- Yeah, my girlfriend
gave me some parameters
on the type of card to get.
- Oh.
- Oh yeah. I have a girlfriend.
Sorry?
- No, no, it's, trust me.
I was expecting something
to not go right.
- Why?
- Um, it's a long story.
- Oh, tell it quickly.
Put it all in one fast sentence.
- Okay.
This week has been nuts.
I've been on five of
the worst dates ever.
I was told I'm gonna
meet the love of my life.
I want to meet the
love of my life.
And this week has assured me
that that is never
going to happen.
- Okay. I think I got it all.
- Impressive.
- Wait a minute. I know you.
- You do?
- We met at the Track.
My girlfriend's the MC.
It was dark.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I remember.
- Yeah.
I remember, you
were looking for...
Jill, do you dance?
- Yes.
- I think I may have solved
your problem already.
I believe I have the perfect
guy for you. Hang on.
Do you have like 30
minutes to stop by
Casa Vega down the street?
- So my dating life lately
has been a little, um...
Precarious.
- That's why I'm saying you
need to meet my friend Jill.
She's going through
the same thing.
Are you bringing a
date to the wedding?
- Yeah. You?
- Sand to the beach? Never.
Weddings bring out the
gays like a parade.
So who are you bringing?
- Some girl I met at the
club the other night.
- You don't seem very
excited about it.
- I'm not, unfortunately.
- I think you need to
meet Jill before tonight.
- But she'll be at the wedding.
- Yeah. She's the maid of honor.
- Mm. Is she bringing a date?
- No, that's what I'm
getting at here, Jack.
You might be able to upgrade
before it's too late.
- I couldn't.
I mean, maybe. I don't know.
It's not that my current
date is horrible or anything.
It's just that
she's not the one.
- Well, yeah, I was gonna
say potential psychotic,
but you know, not the
one works as well.
- You are too cute
to be ignored.
I'm gonna send you to my buddy's
restaurant down the street.
It's called Roar. It's the
hottest gay bar in town.
Very, very charming and
Jill loves the place.
It's not open yet
because the gays
don't come out of the coffin
til the sun goes down.
But you go there and I
will have Jill meet you.
I'd go with you, but I
have to run to a meeting.
Are you okay with going
to a gay bar by yourself?
- I think I can handle
it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm gonna text my
buddy Hank, the manager.
Let him know you're coming.
Go there, find him, introduce
yourself, and I'll send Jill.
- I don't know.
- Come on. What have
you get to lose?
- (laughing) What
could go wrong?
Hi, this is Jack.
Sorry I missed your call,
but I'd really love to talk.
- He won't answer his phone.
- Did you try texting him?
- No. Is that a thing?
- Hm, funny.
You got a picture of your buddy?
- Yeah. You actually
saw him once.
- I did?
- Yeah.
Let me just, I'm trying
to find the best pic,
then I'll explain.
- Um, David? I need
to ask you a question.
- I think I know what
that question is.
- Was that former WWE champion
Olympic gold
medalist Kurt Angle?
- Yes, I believe so.
- Was he just checking me out?
- Yes, I believe so.
- Hm.
(crowd chatting indistinctly)
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Are you Hank?
- Yeah, that's me.
- Patrick sent me.
My name's Jack.
- Oh, Patrick. Where
is he, in the back?
- Oh no, no, no, he's not here.
- Okay, sure. (laughing)
- Um, er. The place
seems kind of busy.
Do you have an event or
something coming up tonight?
- Right, right, you haven't
been here before. I know, okay.
- No, this is my first time.
- Yeah, sure. Okay.
- Um, Patrick told
me to talk to you.
I'm supposed to meet to a, uh.
- All right. Quit the act.
I knew it all along.
Come on, get going,
let's see what you got.
- Oh God, is this a flash mob?
- No, I'm not supposed to be-
I knew you back
in high school
We were friends, is all
Met you in a club last night
and walked you to your door
It's true
- Amazing.
I'm thinking 'bout you
- I feel like I'm on "The
Bachelorette". (laughing)
I hope that you
are digging it too
- Oh, I'm digging you, baby!
Something 'bout the way you
move, the way you said hello
It's been over 20 years,
you still have that glow
It's true, I'm
thinking 'bout you
I hope that you
are digging me too
Maybe I'm delusional
I don't know what
to do, but I do
I promise I do.
Something's happened and I
can't stop thinking 'bout you
- Whoa, okay.
Thinking 'bout you
Thinking 'bout you
Oh, baby, are you okay? Baby?
Oh, what happened?
- Um, I think I
moved the wrong way.
- How long did we practice
this choreography, dammit?
- I didn't practice.
- Oh, oh.
So you're one of
those douchebags
who doesn't think he
needs to practice?
- No, no, you don't understand.
- No, no, no, no,
no. I understand.
You ruined my engagement.
- Oh God, what happened?
- Um.
I was just supposed
to introduce myself
and then I was supposed
to meet a friend.
- Who?
- Never mind.
- Who are you?
- Nice club.
- Who is, who are you?
What are you doing here?
What, who is that guy?
Who are you?
- So yeah, that kind of
goes along with my week.
The most insane shit
is happening to me.
- Like what?
- Like predictions,
bad dates, worse dates,
famous wrestlers coming
in and staring at me
and walking away.
- Hmm. I've been there.
- You're fun, David.
- Oh, well, if you like
me, you're gonna love Jack.
Oh, that reminds
me of the picture.
Let me just, oh,
here's a good one.
(lighthearted music)
- Hi.
(lighthearted music)
- What the hell
is going on, Jill?
- Right? Okay, that
is Kurt Angle, right?
- Checking you out. Yes.
- And he just, he, he,
he just walks away.
He just nods his head.
- And the other guy
gave you the thumbs up?
- Yeah.
Okay, wait, should
I go talk to him?
(phone ringing)
- Oh, hang on. This is Jack.
Hey, buddy.
You, wait, what, you're where?
Wait, what did you ruin?
- Isn't that cool?
- Uh, hang on Jack.
- Hi.
- Hi.
(lighthearted music)
- I'll call you back.
- What?
What is happening?
Okay. This is the
strangest thing, right?
He, he won't talk to me.
He's, okay.
That's it.
Oh my God.
- What?
(lighthearted music)
Oh.
- Yeah.
My life just hit a new low.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's,
that's probably new.
It's a nice picture
though, right?
(somber music)
- Hey.
- Hey, it's you.
- Yeah.
- How did it go over at Roar?
What happened?
- Um, how close are you to Hank?
- Oh my God. What,
what do you mean?
- Um, never mind.
I'm assuming I'm
on the wrong side?
- Yeah. The groom's
side is over there.
- Okay.
- What was that about?
- Uh, well, it involved a
flash mob, an engagement,
and um, miscommunication,
I guess.
- Okay.
- Dude, after all
the texts I sent,
I didn't think you guys
were gonna make it.
- Well, you know how long
it takes women to get ready.
- Yeah. Okay.
He took 25 minutes on his hair.
- Where's Vanessa?
- A little drama. No biggie.
- Who the hell's Vanessa?
("Wedding March")
(phone ringing)
- Dude, you just
became that guy.
- That's never
happened to me before.
- All guys say that at some
point. They have pills for that.
- Funny. It'll never happen.
- What about at Christine's
Bang Bang Party?
- Wait, you guys were at
Christine's Bang Bang Party?
- We are gathered here
today to celebrate
the union of Amy and Ron.
We are privileged to
witness the joyous love
of a new family.
A new family,
a family that is
nurtured and nourished
through the devotion of
two separate individuals
that grow together through
the common bonds of love.
May their marriage
bring the peace, joy,
comfort, and
contentment that's found
in the hearts of
all God's children.
Now, the vows that you
exchange here today
are a verbal representation
of the emotions
that are just as real as
anything that can be seen.
- Who are you looking at?
- Heard or touched,
for it's not the words
that you speak today that
will bond you together as one
but the strength and commitment
found deep within your souls.
Now, before we begin,
is there anyone here who
objects to this union?
Speak now or forever
hold your peace.
Anyone?
- Jesus Christ. What the
hell is he waiting for?
- [All] Cheers!
(energetic music)
- Drink it up.
- Now let's dance.
He likes to keep it
simple with fun things
He gives me his lovin'
both day and night
Then he pushes me away when
it starts to feel right
He gives me sweet,
sweet lovin'
Sweet, sweet lovin'
- Hey, do you mind if
we just go sit down?
- Um, yeah, sure.
- Awesome.
Can I get a water, please?
- You didn't want
to keep dancing?
- I wasn't really feeling it.
- Hey, I wasn't gonna pull
you towards me that time.
I was actually doing
less advanced moves
so you could keep up.
Oh, if you don't mind,
I'm really thirsty.
It's probably the dancing.
Sweet tender kisses
could last all night
Darling, ooh
Darling, ooh
(horn blowing)
- So are we doing
great at this table?
- We are.
- Oh, good, good, good.
And have you made your
New Year's resolutions?
- No, not yet.
- Oh, I don't think I know you.
I am Linda. I'm, I'm Amy's mom.
- I'm Jack. I'm one of
Ron's old college buddies.
- Jack. So do you dance?
- I've danced once or twice.
- Uh-huh, well, would
you like to join me
on the dance floor, Jack?
- I gotta go. Gotta entertain
the mother of the bride.
- Cheers to that.
Oh. Would you mind?
Thank you.
- Who did she say she is?
- That's mother of the bride.
- Oh.
He always plays nice and
he's a real do-gooder
He's easy on the eyes and
he's sweet as brown sugar
- So what did you
think of the food?
- Yeah, the prime
rib was fantastic.
- I know, right?
Any coffee or dessert tonight?
- Nope.
This is what I'm
having for dessert.
(horn blowing)
Yeah, he's on
top of his game
But when he turns
out the lights
To get the mood set
- Jack.
We need to talk, right now.
- Whoa, whoa. What's going on?
- That damn twit!
So, you wanna bring a
knife to a gun fight?
(all shouting)
(energetic music)
- Okay, call me.
- New Year's resolution.
The next time a girl says
she stabbed her ex-boyfriend,
I should run.
- Yeah. Amen to that.
I'm going inside, man.
You coming?
- I'm gonna hang
out here for a bit.
God bless.
(melancholy music)
(Jack sighing)
But when it comes
to his lovin'
He can get my motor running
Guess my jack of
all trades will do
- Thank you. Hello.
Hi. Hi, I'm Ben.
I'm Ben Davis. I am the
father of the groom.
I am the groom daddy.
- [Ron] I love you, Dad!
- I love you too, boy.
I am so glad.
I am so glad that Ron found
someone to keep him in line.
Right? Right.
Like Linda, I am a widower.
So who knows?
Maybe I'll get lucky tonight.
I mean, come on.
It's the last night
of the year, right?
Yeah.
But, but, but seriously,
Ron, I love you.
- [Ron] You're my hero!
- You're my hero.
- Amy, we love you, and we love
that these two are together.
So please raise your
glasses to Amy and Ron.
- [Crowd] To Amy and Ron!
- Thank you.
(melancholy music)
- Folks, it's almost
the end of the night,
and you know what that means.
It's almost the end of the year.
So let's get ready
to count down.
- Mind if I sit here?
- [Jack] Sure.
- [Crowd] Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six.
- Where's Jack?
- I think he's outside.
- Five, four.
- Where's Jill?
- Three, two.
- I don't know.
- One.
Happy New Year!
(crowd cheering)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Happy New Year.
- Same to you.
So you're here for the wedding?
- Yeah. I'm one of
Ron's old friends.
- Yeah. I'm, I'm the-
- The maid of honor.
- Yeah. You were
at the ceremony?
- Yes, but I, I
didn't see you there.
- I was right up on stage.
- Oh, there was this tall guy.
- Yeah. Actually, I saw him too.
- I guess it was
just bad timing.
I'm Jack.
- I'm Jill.
- Nice to meet you, Jill.
- It's nice to meet you, Jack.
- So are you having fun tonight?
- Ah, it's been a strange night.
- (chuckling) For me too.
God, the whole week's
been strange, actually.
- Yeah, me too.
- All right. You go first.
Why has it been a strange week?
- Okay, let's see.
I, uh, I went on a bunch
of dates that all ended
on a scale from horrible
to insanely horrible.
What?
- For me too.
I, I, I, this, this
whole past week has been
one epic date fail
after the next one.
- Really? You're serious?
- Swear to God.
I mean, it all
started after I met
this crazy old gypsy
cat lady on a bridge
and she told me-
- That you're gonna be the
love of your life in five days?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
This is getting weird.
- Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
How do you know the old lady?
- Well, I met her too.
She told me the same thing.
- And you took the cat?
- (laughing) No, of course not.
- I'm the only,
I'm the only one.
- Still, so random.
- Yeah, well, before
you freak out,
I found out that like
she tells everybody that.
That's her thing.
- Oh, well, I was the one
that got suckered into it.
- Guess I was too.
- So what do you do, Jack?
- I work for a software company.
- Me too.
- Wait, Application
Enhancement Solutions?
- Yes.
- Okay, yeah. This
is getting weird.
- Agreed.
- Wait, how have I
not met you before?
- Missed connections?
- You ever hear the dark
side of the moon theory,
that there's this whole
alien civilization
living on the other
side of the moon,
but we never see them 'cause
we're only looking at this side?
- No, I haven't.
- It makes no sense.
We have satellites
and photos and...
You're absolutely beautiful.
- Thank you, Jack.
So what's next, huh?
How does this end?
Okay, wait, let me guess.
You are married, two kids,
and you live on a
different continent.
- Divorced, single, no kids.
And I live on this
continent, but trust me,
I'm not getting my hopes up.
Let's see.
Your ex was a drug
kingpin who swore
that he was gonna kill the
next guy that you dated.
Something like that, maybe?
- Close.
- I figured.
- Yeah, no, no, no.
I'm single. I have
never been married.
(soft music)
- Wanna take a walk?
- Yeah.
(romantic music)
(romantic music continues)
- And the girl
gets up on the bar.
And she literally jumped off
when nobody was
there to catch her.
- You didn't catch her?
- I wasn't ready!
- Hey, there's my maid of honor.
- Oh my God. I am so sorry.
- It's fine. It's fine.
I had to mingle around,
you know how weddings are.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, Ron.
Congrats, you two.
- Oh my God. I'm so
glad that you two met.
I've been trying to introduce
you since that night.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is the guy that you called?
You hung up on me.
- I swear I didn't.
My phone died.
I plugged it in and charged
it and then I called you.
I left a message.
- Did he?
- I've just been so busy.
Let me hold on.
- [Jack] Hey, Ron, bro,
broski. Uh, hey, man.
I, I just wanted to leave this
message 'cause my phone died
and I'd really love
to talk to that girl,
but I, I'm not
desperate or anything.
I just thought that
maybe, you know what?
Forget it. I'm going to sleep.
Gimme a call when
you get this message.
- Okay, then. We'll talk then.
Sounds great, buddy.
- Oh my God.
But you're so damn hot.
- Dark side of the moon.
- It's the dark side
of the moon, yes, yes.
- Listen, you guys have gotta
come in for the last dance.
- Uh, no thanks.
- Yeah. I, we should
just stay out here.
- Are you nuts? It's
my goddamn wedding.
And you two are gonna
come and dance, damn it.
- Yeah, buddy. You gotta do it.
I'll see you inside.
- I guess we gotta go dance.
- Are you friends
with the bride?
- Yeah.
- I noticed that
you're wearing a ring.
- Yeah.
- Are you married?
- No, I'm not married.
- So why do you wear a ring?
- Because I,
because I need to keep
certain men away sometimes.
- Yeah, it doesn't work.
- Oh, all right.
You're making me very anxious.
- Good.
- Because you're
very attractive.
- Well, thank you.
- You're welcome. Jesus Christ.
- Indeed.
- Looks like we're gonna
end tonight with a slow jam.
So folks, this is the last song.
Grab your loved one
and enjoy the moment.
(mellow music)
- Look, I just gotta say I had
so much fun talking to you.
- Yes. It's the most
fun I've had all week.
- All right. So
let's just dance.
But I really wanna
get to know you.
- I feel the same way, Jack.
Do you wanna dance
And hold my hand
Tell me that
you're my lover man
Oh baby
Do you wanna dance
We could dance
under the moonlight
Hug and kiss all
through the night
Oh baby, tell me
Do you wanna dance
with me, baby
Ah, that's right
Ah, ah
Ah
Do you wanna dance
under the moonlight
Hug me, kiss me, baby
All through the night
Oh baby, baby, baby, baby
Tell me, do you wanna
dance with me, baby
Oh, you've got to
dance with me, baby
Oh, you've got
to dance with me
Baby
(lively music)
Everybody, everybody,
everybody, everybody
Everybody, everybody
Everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Everybody needs
a little lovin'
Everybody needs somebody
thinking of them
Everybody needs a
little affection
Whatever it takes,
I'm gonna get it
Everybody needs
a hand to hold
Don't you think it when
the nights are getting cold
I know you're
lying just the same
The way you're in the game
Absolutely everybody,
everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
in the whole wide world
Absolutely everybody,
every boy and every girl
Absolutely everybody
Everybody needs
a human touch
I can't live without it,
it means too much to me
Everybody needs
one true friend
Someone who'll be
there to the very end
Absolutely
everybody breathes
And everybody,
everybody bleeds
We're no different,
we're all the same
But we are in the game
Absolutely everybody,
everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
in the whole wide world
Everybody breathes
and everybody needs
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody,
everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
in the whole wide world
Everybody breathes
and everybody needs
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody,
everybody, everybody
Absolutely everybody
Absolutely everybody
(upbeat music)
I knew you back in high
school, we were friends is all
I met you in a
club last night
And walked you to your door
It's true
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
I hope that you
are diggin' me too
Something 'bout the way you
move, the way you said hello
It's been over 20 years,
you still have that glow
It's true
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
I hope that you
are diggin' me too
Maybe I'm delusional
I don't know what to do
Something happened and I
can't stop thinkin' 'bout you
I'm not the kind of
guy to obsess like this
Don't even wonder why,
just put me on your list
The laws of my attraction,
the scope of my demand
The craving for affection,
the need to hold your hand
I do, baby, I do
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
Something happened,
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
I hope that you
are diggin' me too
Maybe I'm delusional
I don't know what to do
Something happened and I
can't stop thinkin' 'bout you
(upbeat music)
Something happened,
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
I'm not the kind of
guy to obsess like this
Don't even wonder why
Just put me on your list
I held you in my
dreams last night
I feel you in my mind
I see you when
you drive your car
Our lives are intertwined
It's true, baby, it's true
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
Something happened,
I'm thinkin' 'bout you
I hope that you
are diggin' me too
Maybe I'm delusional
I don't know what to do
Something happened and I
can't stop thinkin' 'bout you
Thinkin' 'bout you
Thinkin' 'bout you
Thinkin' 'bout you
(upbeat music)
I heard you singing
from the balcony
I knew right then you
were singing for me
'Cause you're my baby
Yeah, you're my baby
Well, you're my baby
Won't you tell me
what my baby needs
(upbeat music)