Asternauts (2012) Movie Script
Joe: Morning Earl.
Hope I didn't wake you up.
Earl: What are
you doing up there, Joe?
Joe: I'm just putting
the finishing touches on her.
Ain't she a peach?
Earl: Well what the hell is it?
Joe: It's a subspace
interstellar communications
array, of course!
Speaker 3: And here
we are, bottom of the 9th,
the Rangers down by two.
Thomas on third base, Gables on first,
representing the tying run.
Johnson takes the plate,
it's been a rough night for
the Rangers, and you can tell
that tempers are running hot.
Anderson's pitched a hell
of a game this evening, but
he has not done well
against Johnson allowing-
Joe: This is Joe McNut.
Can anyone hear me please?
Joe: Hello, hello?
This is Earth, come in, over.
Earl: Phil, what the
hell you trying to do?
Joe: Trying to contact
me an alien race, Earl.
Earl: Well do you have to do it now?
Joe: I didn't know him.
I suppose not.
Joe: Hello space, come in over.
This is Joe McNut.
To space.
Joe: Earl?
What did you do?
Earl: Probably some
damn airplane toilet dropped its
load.
Joe: Then why are
you taking your gun?
Earl: Because
whatever it is it's trespassing.
Earl: You coming?
Joe: One small step for,
well wait up Earl.
Hold on Earl, wait for me.
Joe: This dang thing
pulverized itself a cow.
Earl: One cow, one bull.
Joe: Now what are the
chances of that happening?
I've seen everything now.
Except that, of course.
Joe: Maybe you
should poke it with a stick.
Earl: I ain't
poking it with no stick.
Joe: That's it.
Go on ahead, give her a good poke there.
Joe: What, do you want me to do it?
Joe: I don't know why you
thought you had to go poke it
with a stick.
Get it all pissed off.
Earl: Keep your voice down Joe.
Joe: Now I suppose we'll
have one of them intergalactic
wars or something.
Whole damn planet will
probably be taken over.
You and I'll be the first
to go, but whatever.
Earl: I said keep your voice down.
Besides, there ain't
no such thing as aliens.
Joe: Then why are
we hiding in a hay stack?
Earl: Cuz whatever it
is, it might be dangerous.
Joe: I think I understand.
You're a-feared of the unknown.
Earl: I ain't no
feared of the unknown.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: No, I ain't.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: No, I ain't.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: Oh, now you all gone paranoid.
How many times I gotta to say it?
There ain't no such things as aliens!
It's just you and me
sitting on the porch and
that's all it's ever going to be.
Joe: Look Carl.
Earl: Aliens!
Speaker 4: Is this your property?
Earl: Yes ma'am,
me and my brother Joel.
Speaker 4: I'm special
agent Carlisle, with the NC66.
Over the past several
months we've been monitoring
the deteriorating orbit of
geostationary meteorological
satellite number 216B4C10.
Speaker 5: At 21:21
number 216B4C10 succumbed to
the planet's gravitational pull and
we've since tracked its
beacon to this location.
Speaker 4: We will
now remove the satellite.
Speaker 5: Your
cooperation, though mandatory,
is appreciated.
Earl: Excuse me, what about my cow?
Speaker 4: Sorry?
Earl: Whatever
the hell that thing is.
It crashed into my field
and blew up my stud bull and
milking cow.
Speaker 5: We are not
trained to respond to that.
Speaker 4: Your country thanks you.
Earl: I suppose that's
the government for ya, Joe.
Earl: Hey, you dropped this.
Joe: Throw it in the trash, Earl.
It's garbage.
Earl: You sure?
I mean, you never know when
those aliens will come down and.
Earl: Makes you
think though, doesn't it?
Joe: About what?
Earl: You know,
about what's out there.
Earl: Here we are, sitting
on this porch night after night,
drinking the same beers,
never leaving this town.
Earl: And one day,
out of the blue, smack,
here comes a goddamn weather satellite.
Crashes into your field and
turns your best bull into hamburger.
And you realize we're not
just sitting on this porch in
the middle of this field,
we are sitting on a
front seat of a planet.
That is shooting its
way all across space.
And who knows, maybe even time.
Earl: In a way, Joel,
Earl: You and me, we are astronauts.
Joe: Yeah.
Joe: I guess we is, ain't we?
Joe: Hey Earl, that
was awful good cow meat.
Earl: Yeah, it wasn't half bad.
Course it was probably
crawling with radioactivity.
Joe: Hey Earl.
Earl: Lord what now?
Joe: [LAUGH]
Sure is one nice night.
Earl: Yeah, it is, isn't it?
Joe: Hello, hello, this
is Earth, come in, over.
Hope I didn't wake you up.
Earl: What are
you doing up there, Joe?
Joe: I'm just putting
the finishing touches on her.
Ain't she a peach?
Earl: Well what the hell is it?
Joe: It's a subspace
interstellar communications
array, of course!
Speaker 3: And here
we are, bottom of the 9th,
the Rangers down by two.
Thomas on third base, Gables on first,
representing the tying run.
Johnson takes the plate,
it's been a rough night for
the Rangers, and you can tell
that tempers are running hot.
Anderson's pitched a hell
of a game this evening, but
he has not done well
against Johnson allowing-
Joe: This is Joe McNut.
Can anyone hear me please?
Joe: Hello, hello?
This is Earth, come in, over.
Earl: Phil, what the
hell you trying to do?
Joe: Trying to contact
me an alien race, Earl.
Earl: Well do you have to do it now?
Joe: I didn't know him.
I suppose not.
Joe: Hello space, come in over.
This is Joe McNut.
To space.
Joe: Earl?
What did you do?
Earl: Probably some
damn airplane toilet dropped its
load.
Joe: Then why are
you taking your gun?
Earl: Because
whatever it is it's trespassing.
Earl: You coming?
Joe: One small step for,
well wait up Earl.
Hold on Earl, wait for me.
Joe: This dang thing
pulverized itself a cow.
Earl: One cow, one bull.
Joe: Now what are the
chances of that happening?
I've seen everything now.
Except that, of course.
Joe: Maybe you
should poke it with a stick.
Earl: I ain't
poking it with no stick.
Joe: That's it.
Go on ahead, give her a good poke there.
Joe: What, do you want me to do it?
Joe: I don't know why you
thought you had to go poke it
with a stick.
Get it all pissed off.
Earl: Keep your voice down Joe.
Joe: Now I suppose we'll
have one of them intergalactic
wars or something.
Whole damn planet will
probably be taken over.
You and I'll be the first
to go, but whatever.
Earl: I said keep your voice down.
Besides, there ain't
no such thing as aliens.
Joe: Then why are
we hiding in a hay stack?
Earl: Cuz whatever it
is, it might be dangerous.
Joe: I think I understand.
You're a-feared of the unknown.
Earl: I ain't no
feared of the unknown.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: No, I ain't.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: No, I ain't.
Joe: Yes, you is.
Earl: Oh, now you all gone paranoid.
How many times I gotta to say it?
There ain't no such things as aliens!
It's just you and me
sitting on the porch and
that's all it's ever going to be.
Joe: Look Carl.
Earl: Aliens!
Speaker 4: Is this your property?
Earl: Yes ma'am,
me and my brother Joel.
Speaker 4: I'm special
agent Carlisle, with the NC66.
Over the past several
months we've been monitoring
the deteriorating orbit of
geostationary meteorological
satellite number 216B4C10.
Speaker 5: At 21:21
number 216B4C10 succumbed to
the planet's gravitational pull and
we've since tracked its
beacon to this location.
Speaker 4: We will
now remove the satellite.
Speaker 5: Your
cooperation, though mandatory,
is appreciated.
Earl: Excuse me, what about my cow?
Speaker 4: Sorry?
Earl: Whatever
the hell that thing is.
It crashed into my field
and blew up my stud bull and
milking cow.
Speaker 5: We are not
trained to respond to that.
Speaker 4: Your country thanks you.
Earl: I suppose that's
the government for ya, Joe.
Earl: Hey, you dropped this.
Joe: Throw it in the trash, Earl.
It's garbage.
Earl: You sure?
I mean, you never know when
those aliens will come down and.
Earl: Makes you
think though, doesn't it?
Joe: About what?
Earl: You know,
about what's out there.
Earl: Here we are, sitting
on this porch night after night,
drinking the same beers,
never leaving this town.
Earl: And one day,
out of the blue, smack,
here comes a goddamn weather satellite.
Crashes into your field and
turns your best bull into hamburger.
And you realize we're not
just sitting on this porch in
the middle of this field,
we are sitting on a
front seat of a planet.
That is shooting its
way all across space.
And who knows, maybe even time.
Earl: In a way, Joel,
Earl: You and me, we are astronauts.
Joe: Yeah.
Joe: I guess we is, ain't we?
Joe: Hey Earl, that
was awful good cow meat.
Earl: Yeah, it wasn't half bad.
Course it was probably
crawling with radioactivity.
Joe: Hey Earl.
Earl: Lord what now?
Joe: [LAUGH]
Sure is one nice night.
Earl: Yeah, it is, isn't it?
Joe: Hello, hello, this
is Earth, come in, over.