Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies (2017) Movie Script
1
[car alarm blaring]
[man, over headset]
We're about to put Quadoxin,
riverside test field drop.
Mike, Whiskey, 31-Niner-84.
Matt, beer me.
[airplane engine rumbling]
Damn, Lonnie's spraying crops
kinda early.
I mean, Tom... seeing this.
Crazy, Robbie,
he can't see shit.
Yo!
Your hot sister's in town?
This better be worth it, Robbie.
I'm kinda partied out, man.
First day of the festival.
Gotta keep the party going.
Yo. What's in that pipe?
[goats bleating]
There it is.
Stay close.
You sure
old Creighton's got pot?
That's the same stuff
y'all were smoking last night.
So, yeah, I'm pretty sure.
All we gotta do is get inside
and take it.
[bleats]
Check the windows,
see if he's inside.
Hey, yo, I think
I see Creighton.
- I see a hand.
- Hey, Creighton!
Wake up, old man!
Let's so some business!
Must be piss drunk
and blacked out.
The hand ain't moving.
Asher, don't bother.
Matt, step back.
[bleats]
Dude, you didn't even
break the door frame.
I'm impressed.
Saw a dude on YouTube.
The trick is to kick right next
to the lock with exquisite force.
Creighton.
Hey, Creighton?
Wake up, you goat fucker.
- What's that?
- Nice.
Damn, he don't
look good at all.
[Robbie]
We got what we came for.
Let's split before
he wakes up.
He's dead.
Holy shit, man!
Holy shit!
Yeah. Yeah, man, he's dead.
He ain't breathing.
[growling, screaming]
Get off!
- Damn it!
- Come on, man. Get up.
[whimpering]
- Let's get out!
- [groans]
[growling]
Come on, go!
[Creighton growling]
[grunting, snorting]
[saw buzzing]
It's a beautiful day, Mr. Mayor.
It is indeed a beautiful day,
Ellie.
Will you be taking lunch?
Perhaps Mi Casa Su Casa?
Jiffy's? Mama Lou's?
Oh, Beau Clair's will do it.
Always does.
Beau Clair's it is, then.
After that, we're gonna check out
the blues music festival grounds
for the gala opening
this afternoon.
The blues festival
sure crept up fast, sir.
It certainly has, Ellie.
The grounds crew ought to be
done setting up the stage
or they're gonna get themselves
an ass full of Italian leather.
I'm not about to give a speech
where I can't be heard.
Let's get out of here.
[engine roaring]
How's today's run
with our new mix, Lonnie?
No problems to report,
Dr. Fukushima.
The mix isn't clogging up
the nozzles anymore.
We got a good drop.
Excellent.
We appreciate your help
in our field research, Lonnie.
Dr. Klein?
[German accent] Yeah, we'll
have a new application area
ready within the week.
Probably the northeast
coordinates.
So, shall we say Monday?
That's fine, fine.
How much longer you think this is
gonna keep going? The work, I mean.
We've permission from the mayor's
office to run tests for another month.
We'd like to try different
variations of the mix.
But after today's drop,
we need to begin
collecting field samples.
This is a big deal
for us, Lonnie.
A very big deal.
It could transform the South.
Eradication of an invasive
species benefits the region.
It might even bring back entire
groves of Quercus virginiana.
Kweerkos what?
Southern live oak.
It's a true part
of Southern heritage.
The funny thing is,
truth be told,
we're used to kudzu
around here.
The goats love it.
Heck, we even cook
with it.
So, you have the rest of
the week off
- before we begin again.
- Great.
I'll be helping my uncle
get his meat pies going
for the Mose Allison
Blues Festival.
You two should drop by.
Unfortunately, Lonnie,
it's all work and no play
for us.
Making us a pair of dull
scientists, indeed, I'm afraid.
Well, okay, then.
9:00 a.m. Monday?
Yeah.
- See you here.
- See you here.
[growling]
Come on! Come on!
Jeez, this hurts, man!
Come on, Asher, buddy, let's go!
Up there! You got it. Come on.
Keep going.
[growling]
[grunting]
[grunting, growling]
[grinder whirring]
You know, Lonnie, this is
gonna be our best year yet.
You think, Ed?
I do. I surely, truly do.
And this could be the year
we go statewide.
Imagine that.
Of course, everyone knows
we're already famous, right?
Yeah, in Charleston maybe.
I'm talking big, Lonnie.
I'm talking about getting
off the farm.
Distribution centers,
processing plants, trucking.
Shit, I'm talking real big.
Big dreams call
for big thirst, guys.
[chuckles]
Okay, what's your pick?
Lemonade or beer?
[Ed] Don't you think
it's a little early for beer?
What else are you gonna drink
on a day like this, Ed?
Cheers, Aunt Nancy.
Well, mind if I have
the beer, my love?
You go right ahead.
Lemonade is fine with me
on this hot day.
How's it looking, Ed?
Well, old Creighton did a hell of
a job this year with his goats.
They're all fat and happy from
the kudzu they been eating.
About all that old grump's
good at is raising 'em.
All the negotiating we did?
[scoffs] They better be good.
Thanks to you, Nancy.
Now if Ben Johnson gets any at all,
it'll be the least of the herd.
[chuckles] Don't you
worry about Ben Johnson.
His pies can't compare to yours.
Not with your secret
recipe. [kisses]
[Ed chuckles]
[up-tempo blues music playing]
[kids shouting playfully]
Thank you.
[Nancy]
Thank you. Good bye.
[bell dings]
[Ben]
Hey!
Don't buy their pies!
They'll make you sick!
You'll turn green!
Strike three!
You're out!
Now here's a man only needs
one ball, right there!
Give it to him!
There you go! Hey!
- [bell dings]
- [cheers]
Why don't you two get a room?
One time for all!
Try tour luck! Try your luck!
Who are the men
and who are the boys?
Try your luck for a dollar!
It's the 21st century,
you sexist pig.
- Give me that mallet!
- Big talk for a little lady.
Just remember, there's a first-aid tent
right over there if you get tired.
- [bell dings]
- [cheering]
Next time, take "big talk"
from small girl seriously.
See you later, creep.
My baby!
[man] Whoo!
World's going to hell
in a handbasket, huh?
- If this is hell, book me a room immediately.
- [toots horn]
[chattering]
One time for all! Try your luck!
Try your luck!
One time for all!
[toots horn]
Mmm.
Watching you made me
crave something.
Oh, I hope it's meat pies,
my sweet.
Because I'm starving.
Seriously, that really
gave me a workout.
I demand that we play
the hunger games...
for I am hungry.
[squeals, giggles]
Jennifer, Trish, we're gonna get
something to eat.
Beefcake here must be fed so he
can get all the energy he needs
if he's gonna
ring my bell.
- Well, I think we're gonna go take a walk.
- Yeah.
Ooh, got some games of your own
you wanna play.
- Wouldn't you like to know.
- I'd like to sell tickets.
You two were a big hit
back there.
That? That was
the kiddie matinee.
We charge a lot more
for the "adults only" show.
Yeah, sorry, man.
- Hey, Kayla, did you say your brother was coming?
- I haven't seen him around.
He's probably bumming around
with Asher
and the rest of them
short-bus achievers.
It would be really nice
to have some, um,
herbalicious,
you know what I'm saying?
Uh, yeah.
If I see Robbie,
I'll let him know
you're looking for him.
[whirring]
Quadoxin, chlorophyll,
sample 15 ready.
Quadoxin, adversity test.
Field drop. Number MW-212.
Chlorophyll sample, 15 of 30.
All right,
are you hungry?
I was thinking of going into town, grabbing
some grub. Shall I pick you up something?
I've got that nice soup
in the fridge if you want some.
Organic and vegan.
Well, finish up.
I'll take a look at your notes.
Most places might be closed
because of that carnival.
And there's not much
in town either.
I guess I'll have to see
what the carnies have.
Don't linger
at the games, Danny,
but if you do,
bring me back a prize, okay?
I'm not that lucky.
Back in a bit.
You caught anything yet?
Hey, we're hungry.
Not yet.
They ain't biting today.
Looks like I got one.
It a biggin'.
Fire up the grease.
- All right!
- Whoo!
[roaring]
[growling]
- [blues music playing in
distance] -[grunting]
Got any that weren't made
with peanut oil?
- [Nancy] No, sorry.
- Thank you.
You can never expect the line
to be short,
but this is ridiculous.
Why not visit the booths?
Grab a trotskey for
my apartment.
I'm pretty sure
you mean tchotchke.
You want me to grab you
a pie?
Peanut allergy, remember?
Ed's always used peanut oil.
Sign says so right there.
That guy is waving
to us, I think.
Huh. Uh...
Yeah, well, Nancy Nelson says
that the peanut oil
is a base to their
secret marinade, so...
Um, yeah, you know,
I think I'm gonna go
check out some of the jewelry
over there.
Lon, wanna take a break,
talk to her?
Enjoy your pie.
But...
[sighs]
No use, Ed.
She's with Trent Raleigh.
He goes to her college.
Serves me right for staying
and not following her.
Whatever we had before
is gone, I suppose.
Take a break, Lon.
You can try.
Still might be sweet on ya.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, Bob, whatcha eatin'
there, dude?
Come on!
Meat pies here!
Hey, hey, man,
you want a meat pie?
I'm not real big on
meat pies.
Oh, come on, they'll put
lead in your pecker.
I don't think so, man.
Oh, man!
You can try it?
Well, I don't know,
his look okay over there.
I think I'm gonna go with his.
Thank you.
There's an asshole
in every crowd.
That Ed Nelson and his wife
screwed me good this time.
How's that, Mr. Johnson?
Well, me and Ed let
Creighton decide
who was gonna get the first pick
of his goats this year.
Son of a bitch, pissant,
motherfucking shitheads!
I hope they hear me!
Son of a bitch.
Fuck me for doing this,
but I'm gonna go over there
and say something.
[groaning]
[growling]
[growling]
[blues music playing]
[engine revving]
[growling]
[roaring]
[laughing]
[panting]
- [rustling]
- Do you hear something?
Oh.
No, I...
Sorry. I don't know.
It's okay.
[giggling]
- [leaves rustle]
- Trish.
I think I saw something.
- What?
- Yeah, I think somebody...
I think someone's over there.
- I don't see anything.
- No?
- Hey!
- [grunts, groans]
- Robbie!
- Jesus, my balls!
[Robbie groans]
- Come on, get on here!
- What is going on?
What happened to Asher?
He got fucking bitten by
an alligator near the creek.
Yeah, 'gator! [groans]
We gotta get your friend to a hospital,
right? That doesn't look so good.
Yeah, well, we thought about it, but we
didn't need any fucking heat at the moment!
We at least need to get him to the
first-aid station or something.
Are alligators rabid, though?
Like, can they contract
rabies?
No, only mammals can.
But honestly,
that does not look like
any kind of swamp rat
or alligator
for that matter.
You're a doctor?
No, I only play one on TV.
- [girls laugh]
- [coughs]
I listened in science class.
She's majoring in botany.
I'm so proud.
We should probably split for
that first-aid tent down there.
Hold up, boss.
My balls!
[coughs]
We should keep moving, guys.
Let's go.
But does anybody have
any weed, though?
- [Matt] Shut the fuck up about weed!
- Fine.
[growling]
[growling]
[mayor talking on PA]
Welcome fellow Charlestonians!
[mayor chuckles]
I'm proud to be standing
before you
to officially open the first day
of our fourth annual
Mose Allison Music Festival.
For the kids, we got clowns
and rides
and about as much sugar
as you can shake a stick at.
So, parents, keep an eye on
them little booger eaters.
[laughs]
And for the parents,
we got the wine bar
and beer garden
again this year,
and plenty of games
of chance.
Now, folks, I'm not going to wear you
down with words, I am a politician.
[mayor chuckles]
Go have fun!
Those look good on you.
Thanks.
It's not really
my style, though.
Maybe Trent will like 'em.
Lonnie...
you knew I was going away
to college.
Okay, I can't help
that life changes.
You mean you can't help
that mine didn't?
Lonnie, that's
hardly true, or fair.
I hoped you were doing well.
I signed up for
business courses online.
Things are going
really well for Ed.
There's a future in those pies.
Heck, even my crop-dusting
work's going well.
Lonnie, I know you'll succeed.
You've got a great heart...
and brains.
And whatever paths we take,
I'll always consider you
a friend, but...
[phone beeping]
Uh... It's 911.
I've gotta go.
We'll talk more?
Maybe before you leave?
I don't know.
Bye, Lonnie.
Bye for now.
Go to your better life, then.
[sighs]
Our town is on an upswing.
You should be proud of your
own hardworking efforts
in making Charleston
a better place to live.
Lucky my ass! You done stole the
election from me, you dirty rat!
Oh, I never stole nothin'
in my life there, sir.
- All right.
- Yeah, you did!
[chuckles] I thought I told
you to wait in the truck.
- [man] I'll get you later!
- Okay.
Grandpa at the stage.
Somebody come get him.
- [laughs]
- [man, mockingly] Ha-ha! Yeah!
[mayor] If you haven't tried
Ed Nelson's meat pies...
Mmm!
...you oughta!
They are the best in town.
Son of a bitch!
That son of a bitch!
That Ed Nelson?
He is indeed.
Ha! He is indeed.
For years I've been wanting to
get that secret recipe of his.
You know, I talked to Nancy
once, Fred's Super Saver.
Talked to her right in front
of a case of frozen meat pies.
[chuckles] I tell ya.
Irony follows me like a cloud.
[chuckles] Anyway, we
were talking friendly,
so I inquired about her recipe.
Maybe it was the way I asked...
a little too friendly,
maybe a little too curious...
but she closed up so quickly.
Eyes grew cold. [scoffs]
I tell ya, they'll never
give you that recipe willingly.
They probably use a lot
of critters, huh?
Oh, don't be a fool. They use
Creighton's goats just like you do.
Must be the spices, then.
Hey, hold on just a minute here.
- What's your angle?
- What's yours?
I wanna be big in meat pies.
Bigger than
Ed "Son of a Bitch" Nelson.
And destroy them
in the process.
And I wanna market
your pies.
I wanna bring them
to the next level.
You know, nationally,
globally.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I can see it now.
A clown. The Colonel Sanders
of meat pies.
I can see the billboards.
With you and a little fat goat.
- No!
- Once we get the recipe. Yeah!
No, I've been trying to get out
of this clown business.
- I hate kids.
- Yeah, well, you don't to like the little kids,
but we gonna make
the little fuckers fat!
We can do it together,
but I've got a plan,
and you're gonna have
to listen to it
as long as we've got a deal.
All right.
But the main thing is,
I want to destroy
those assholes over there.
...Mose Allison Festival!
We are the Truck Patch Revival!
Here we go!
In a dirt road town
ain't nothin' but small
Everybody's laid back
and we still say y'all
[zombie snorts]
Hey, buddy,
you got a light?
Oh, you smell worse
than a buzzard on a...
- [screaming]
- [spits]
- [screaming]
- [growling]
[Truck Patch Revival
playing in distance]
[Asher groaning]
[Robbie]
All I'm saying is, he was bit.
We shouldn't have been
messing around in the swamps.
That doesn't look like
an alligator did that to him.
Robbie, what's wrong?
What happened?
What happened?!
Anybody wanna give me some sort
of idea about what's going on?
Listen, listen.
- We had no idea...
- Matt, shut the hell up, man!
[groans]
Look, guys,
he doesn't look so good.
He's gotta get to a hospital.
You have to tell us
what really happened.
Robbie, I won't be pissed,
I won't tell Mom and Dad.
I promise.
[Trent]
They're gonna ask, Matt...
We went... Listen.
We went to Creighton's...
We went to Creighton's
to get some weed.
We got there.
That motherfucker
attacked us.
Shit, we thought
he was sleeping.
All right?
And he just...
bit...
Well, look, the ambulance
just left before we got here.
Yeah, we can't afford to wait.
I hate to end our day this way.
He-Man takes the challenge,
ladies.
I live for this stuff.
- Let's get him to my car.
- [stomach gurgling]
[Kayla]
What's wrong, He-Man?
Gas, I guess.
That meat pie's
not sitting right.
It'll pass.
So about that weed
you said you had?
Uh, yeah,
I got it right here.
How much did you want?
- How much you have?
- How much you want?
- I will give you whatever you want.
- Oh, my God.
[engine revs, stops]
Shit. What you want to do first?
- I wanna ride something.
- I figured after last night,
that ass of yours
would be tired of riding.
My ass is just fine,
thank you.
- I know. Shit.
- [giggles]
Stop, baby.
Someone might be watching!
You let 'em watch.
Hell, I'll sell some tickets!
- God, I fuckin' love you!
- Fuckin' love you!
[moaning]
[growling]
[screaming]
Aah! Fuck!
[clanking]
[clanking]
[groans]
What's wrong?
I don't know.
I'm feeling sick.
Aah! God!
Mein head hurts like hell!
It's the worst migraine ever.
[groans]
I vomited a few times
on the way back.
Food poisoning.
You ate there, right?
At the carnival?
[groaning, yelling]
[moaning]
[moans]
God, it hurts!
Oh, my God, it hurts!
[scream echoes]
Assuming everything
There's not enough room
for all of us, so, Robbie,
- you're coming with us.
- [groaning]
[engine sputtering]
Damn it! [sighs]
Something's wrong!
I know cars.
My dad's a mechanic.
Pop the hood.
[blues song playing in distance]
[crowd cheering in distance]
Man, you're shitting me.
When was the last time
you got gas, hmm?
I filled up before we left.
You sure you didn't ride out here
on fumes, from all the mist, huh?
Trent!
How many times did I tell you
to fill the tank up?
Jesus, Kayla.
I did! I did!
What, you really think I just
planned on this happening?
Asher is dying, okay? And we're
all just screwing around!
[screaming]
- Asher! Asher!
- Shh!
Asher, come on, man.
Jesus!
It was just a bite, man!
The infection, whatever it was,
it spread quickly.
I mean, look at his skin.
It looks like something's
growing underneath it.
Is he dead?
Yeah. Yeah, he's gone.
I'm sorry.
[clattering]
How do you think
we're doing today, love?
I think we done had
our best year yet.
Just estimating...
- I'd say ten grand, maybe 15.
- Whoo-hoo!
Ed, just one day alone, and we
still got three days to go.
[Nancy]
Plenty to expand with.
[Ed] Gotta watch out
for that damn Ben.
I think we ought to use that
money to expand. I really do.
We don't need the recipe to
destroy them son of a bitches.
You got that bottle?
[clatters]
[Matt] What's going on?
What's happening, man?
No...
No! What the fuck, man?
What the fuck is this?
- [screeching]
- What is this?
[Robbie]
What the hell is that?
It's kudzu shoots.
Oh, my God! I am way too stoned
for this shit!
[Ben grunts]
Hello, Ben.
Still pissed about them goats?
Listen, Ed.
I didn't mean nothing, I swear.
Ben Johnson!
What in the holy name of God?
Snooping around here
trying to find something.
It was shitty
what you two done!
I had a deal!
Shit! Nancy read
"The Art of the Deal."
Made Creighton a hell of a one.
Trump himself would be proud.
Five, ten years, we have exclusive
rights to Creighton's finest.
But you ain't gonna find
no recipe around here...
you dumb-ass ingrate!
Ed! No!
He ain't worth it.
[screaming]
[growling]
What do we do for him?
- [screaming]
- [growling]
- [growling]
- No! No, no!
[growling]
[growling]
- [shouting]
- [growling]
- [growling]
- [shouting]
Hey! Help me! Help me!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
Oh my God!
Asher, Jesus!
- [shouting]
- [growling]
Come on, Asher!
Stop, man!
You're goddamn vegan,
for Christ's sake!
Stop! Stop!
- [roaring]
- What the hell was that?
- [crowd screaming] -[muffled music
playing through headphones]
One meat pie, please.
- [growls]
- [screams]
What in the hell is going on?
Please let me go as a matter
of professional courtesy.
I ain't lettin' shit!
- [growling]
- Whoa. Whoa!
[growling]
- Guys!
- [screaming]
[growling]
Aah!
[screaming]
[growling]
[shrieks]
[groaning]
His illness has left him
virtually comatose.
I've estimated 40 minutes
to one hour
since ingestion of possible
infected source material.
[squelching]
[breathing heavily]
Dr. Klein's pulse
has progressively slowed.
I'm concerned that he may
go into cardiac arrest.
[gasping]
[groaning]
[weeping]
Daniel, no!
- [growls]
- [whimpers]
Daniel!
Dr. Klein!
Are you even you?
If you can hear me...
- [growling]
- ...I'm so sorry!
[grunts]
- [growling]
- No!
[growling]
No!
No!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
Rest in peace, my brother.
What the hell happened to him?
He looked crazy! Like...
like he wanted to kill you.
That thing that attacked
that woman didn't look crazy.
It looked dead.
Asher had no pulse
when I checked.
That thing that's eating Matt
right now?
It's dead, too!
Look at him!
That used to be
old man Creighton!
Say goodbye, creep!
[growling]
I thought you were
too stoned for this.
It's too bad about Matt.
He had some tasty herb.
Hey, we need to get out of here before
more of these dead bastards come at us.
Well, they came
from the festival.
We should get out of town.
[both chuckling]
Can you move, man?
He didn't bite my legs.
I can stand.
Yeah, but can you run?
Hey, guys, I think
I found the jackpot.
[chuckles]
Now we're talkin'. Let's go!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
What in devil's hell is going on
in my damn town?
This ain't the Charleston
I know.
What are all the people of my fine
town doing to each other, Ellie?
[Ellie] It appears to be
cannibalism, sir.
Shit fire and save matches!
I knew this would happen
during a damn election year!
Why me, Lord?! Why me?!
We've got to get you
out of here!
[growling]
[growling loudly]
- Hurry! Get in, get in!
- Go, go, go! Go!
- [gunshot]
- [zombie screams]
[engine starting]
- Wait!
- [zombie screams]
[groans]
- [growls]
- [gunshot]
- [growling]
- Aah!
Let the power of rock and roll
take over!
[growling]
[guitar twangs, reverberates]
Aw, shit,
it's the grocery boy.
Let's go.
Oh, no! No!
Leave me alone!
No! No!
- [screams]
- [growls]
[growling]
Grab the table.
Goddamn zombies!
We gotta do something
about this.
- Can you hold this?
- Yeah, I got it.
All right.
[growling]
[Ed] Pass me that lighter.
Okay, come on, Ed.
It's fourth and goal
against Memphis Central.
You got this, baby,
come on!
Take this!
Put that table down
so I can throw this out!
[growling]
Let's get out of here.
- [screaming]
- [growling]
Oh, hell no!
[growling, cackling]
[growling]
[cackling]
[horn toots]
What the hell
got to this clown?
I knew that, I guess I'd keep it
a goddamn secret from you, Ed!
You make me sorry I saved
your stupid ass.
[screaming]
[growls]
Here's what we gotta do.
We gotta make it to Neil's
up the street.
If I know that old
preppin' bastard,
he's happier than a dog's
balls about this whole thing.
Probably sitting in the basement
surrounded by maximum firepower.
And jacking his AK, sir.
Good call.
Hey! Chester! Jimmy!
[whistles]
Over here!
Real good to see you fellas.
Follow me, stay close. We're
off to Neil's army. Come on.
Lonnie, take the lead.
I'll be right back.
Meet me over there.
All right.
[retches]
[grunts]
[screaming]
[Trent yelling]
Kayla!
[screaming]
- [Kayla screams]
- [Trent] Kayla!
- Hey, this way! Let's go!
- [Kayla screaming]
- [screaming]
- [growling]
Kayla!
Run Kayla!
[Robbie]
You zombie bastard!
Are you all right? Bite?
No, I'm okay.
But what about Trent?
Ed! Ed!
Help me with this guy!
Come on.
There's nowhere to go, Lonnie!
Everyone, the alley! Now!
[growls]
[distant growls]
This is about
a shitty situation we're in!
[engine idling]
[Ben] Oh, God.
See that?
[Nancy] The damage can't be too bad.
The engine's running.
Running down the gas.
- [Nancy] Shit, Ben.
- [Ben] All I'm saying is,
we may have a short trip to
wherever the hell we're going.
Worth checking out.
At least we know
the key's in it.
Lonnie, where are we going?
We gotta get Trent
to a hospital.
Whatever happened to Asher
is happening to him.
You're the botanist, babe,
what do you think?
I don't know. I mean,
this isn't exactly textbook.
I have an idea. It means heading
to the Muni, though.
The airport?
Why not the hospital, man?
'Cause whatever it is,
the answer might be out there.
I know a person that might
be able to help Trent.
Does it have anything to do with the
stuff you were spraying this morning?
What is he talking about,
Lonnie?
It could be tied up with the
chemical they're testing out there.
I want Trent to live.
Please help us, Lonnie.
[growling]
We'll split into two groups.
Leave Trent here
with Kayla.
One group will distract
and then the other will...
[shouts]
[loud rumbling]
Is this the change
you were looking for, Lon?
You damn fool!
I said no RPGs, Salvador!
We're saving the town,
not destroying it!
Tell you what.
I'll do it.
I'll distract 'em.
I'm gonna need this, though.
- Hey! Come on! I'm over here!
- [rapid gunfire]
- [horn honking]
- [rapid gunfire]
[woman screams, cries]
Keep aiming for the heads!
The heads!
[grunts]
[grunts]
Hey, wait up!
[growling]
Thank you, Ellie.
Don't mention it.
- [screams]
- No!
[Ellie screaming]
[screams]
[growling]
[shouting]
[mayor]
Oh, Ellie. I'm so sorry.
Damn shame, Sam.
She was a truly fine aide.
A young lady
of strong character.
And, boy,
could she handle a pistol.
I swear, I'm gonna kick
the undead shit
out of everyone of these
damn sons of bitches!
Mr. Mayor.
What can I do for you, son?
I need a few of your men
for cover.
My people are back there, beyond
the alley, and they need help now.
All right, then.
Neil! Take a few of our folks
and line up
at the end of that street
so this kid's people
can regroup here.
[growls]
All right, on the double,
everybody!
Cal.
Go ahead.
We need cover fire on
the west side of the square.
Roger that.
[Cal, over radio]
Good to go on your mark.
- [gunfire]
- [growling]
[gunshot]
[growling]
[Ed] Move the van!
[gunfire]
It's not moving.
I should've never given
that damn GlobalBio bullshit
permission to run
them damn tests!
[crying]
Ellie died 'cause of me!
The whole town!
I don't know if I can
deal with this!
Oh, mercy, Lord, mercy!
The money they offered me
made me happier
than Richard Simmons
watching "Brokeback Mountain!"
And I am ashamed, Lord!
I am shamed!
Lord, I am shamed and I repent!
What's done is done, okay?
There's still time
to do something,
but we gotta get
to the hangar.
Fukushima and Klein
might have the answers we need.
At least we've gotta try
for Trent and others over there.
Maybe this town can
come together and really...
Be saved!
Be saved, yes! Yes!
Enough, Lonnie,
go on, get going.
Look, go see Neil over there.
Take my gun and get
some more weapons and ammo.
Thank you, sir.
I just wish a few
of your folks might stay.
We could use all the living people we
can find to help us out over here.
We'll need all the help
we can get, too.
All right, go on,
go see Neil.
Good luck, ladies.
And to you, Mr. Mayor.
Got all the luck I need, lady.
It's in my very name.
Hey, just remember to vote
for your friend
Sam Luckwood when this thing
all blows over, okay?
We're ready to go,
but we ain't got much gas.
Muni's less than
four miles out.
We'll be riding on fumes
if we get there at all.
All right, then, let's go.
All right, listen up!
Okay, men, we have work to do,
and we do not have
cell phone use.
Neil, Jimmy, take a group
down that street, right now.
Come on, let's go.
Salvador, take a group
down that way.
Cordell, Uri,
go find Perr
and make a sweep of
that whole street.
Let's go!
[yelling]
[growling]
[engine sputters]
Damn, we're outta gas!
[distant growling]
You know, before I retired
as an RN,
I saw a lot of infection.
Sepsis.
I can't believe
he's still alert.
- He's a fighter, sweetie. He's a fighter.
- [Kayla crying]
But that doesn't matter,
does it?
Because he's gonna be dead!
And then he's gonna come back
just like those things!
He can... he can hear us,
can't he?
Right, he can hear us,
in there, talking all these...
these God-awful things
about him.
He can hear us
in there, right?
God. Trent! Trent!
I don't know what to do!
My chest feels like
it's gonna explode.
Oh, baby!
I don't know how to help you!
I don't know...
I don't know what to do!
If you still have feelings
for Lonnie,
don't deny them.
No, I can't.
I love you!
I love you so... Please.
I know you still have
feelings for Lonnie.
People have different ideas
about what they want
out of this life, Kayla.
Don't deny him your heart.
Be happy!
- Don't!
- No, I love you!
Trent! Trent!
No, Trent!
No! No! No!
No! No!
- [Kayla] Jennifer!
- [growling]
Jennifer!
[growling]
[yelling]
Get this slimy
son of a bitch off me!
Shit! Hold still, old man!
Fuck it!
Son of a bitch!
You wrecked my pants!
- Come on, Kayla, we need to go!
- No, I...
I'll distract the dead ones!
Go! Now! You have to!
Come on, Kayla!
Hey! Ugly!
Yeah, you!
Come and get me!
Take me on!
Take me on!
- Take me on!
- Trent! No!
[growling]
No!
Come on, baby,
they're coming.
I just don't know
if I can get there, Ed.
Just remember, honey,
I'll always...
Shh.
I don't wanna hear
that talk, okay?
It's gonna be all right.
I'll make sure of it.
[growling]
Come on.
What you waiting on?
Let's go.
[groaning]
I can't go on.
Look at me, Ed.
I'm all messed up.
I'm dying.
What can we do for you, Ben?
I'd appreciate it, Nancy,
if you just...
send me on to glory.
I don't wanna come back as
one of those cuds of...
covered cannibals.
Well, you know, Ben,
the secret was always
in the meat marinade.
A little cumin,
cracked pepper,
sea salt,
paprika,
mustard seed,
a few orange peels.
And a dash of JT's
Bone Shack Famous Sauce.
Hell! Ain't that cheatin', Ed?
Here I was thinking
you used
some kind of exotic meat,
like, uh...
maybe possum or...
hog nuts or...
Come on, man.
We gotta keep going.
[Ben] I'm ready to go.
Thank y'all for being
so kind to me.
Just let her rip, Ed.
[gunshot echoes]
[growling]
[screams]
Trish!
[screaming]
Get the fuck off of her,
you creep!
Get off her!
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
[zombie screaming]
Did he get you?
Oh, no!
I just fucking cut my leg!
Fuck... [groaning]
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
Hold on.
- [screaming]
- Nancy!
No!
[screaming]
[rapid gunfire]
The airport's just
right over there.
We can move up behind
the helicopter.
Ed and Nancy, let's go.
[growling]
Ease down, Kayla.
Relax.
It's okay.
We're not outta this yet.
Save your ammo.
There'll be more to kill
for Trent's sake.
Promise.
Let's go, guys.
[zombies growling]
You got keys for the chopper?
No, they're inside.
So what's the plan?
We can rush it,
best we can.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.
[growling]
[growling]
Dr. Fukushima!
Dr. Klein!
Are you here?
Hello?
- [pounding]
- [growling]
[Lonnie]
You're all right.
No.
God damn it.
God damn!
You did your best, Ed.
She loved you so much, Ed.
Never a moment
when she didn't.
She was a real peach.
I just don't know what
I'm gonna do without her.
Oh, my God, your arm.
I know.
And I... I can already
feel it inside me,
whatever it is.
I need to find Fukushima.
If she's here, she might
be able to help us and help you.
Hello?
Hello?
Doctors, are you here?
Hello? Dr. Fukushima?
[clanking]
[growling]
Sorry, Nancy.
[Dr. Fukushima crying]
It's okay. It's okay.
You're gonna be all right.
[zombies growling in distance]
And Dr. Klein?
He didn't make it.
Fuck... [groans]
- How much ammo do you have left?
- Let me see.
Not much.
It's okay,
we'll be all right.
[growling]
[grunts] Creep!
Dr. Fukushima, I presume?
Yes.
Doctor, please to meet you
under these circumstances.
I mean, the entire town's been
overrun with these things.
Our friends are dead.
Any idea how this happened?
Maybe you can tell us
how it is
that the dead can walk around,
turning into,
I don't know what, plants?
Kudzu zombies would be
the more technical word.
Oh, my God!
[laughs]
Any ideas, Doctor?
The Quadoxin was having
the opposite effect
of what we intended.
It seems to be causing
substantial growth
in the plant instead,
'causing it to seek out
nutrition.
Whatever is left here,
we can't let it be used.
[Ed]
You started this damn thing?
You ought to be ashamed!
Death, destruction,
our families!
How dare you!
How dare you!
Ed.
She didn't know.
I doubt any of them did.
Lonnie...
there is a way out
for you all.
Chopper outside.
What about the Quadoxin?
Destroy it.
Ed...
is that enough fuel to
take this place down?
Yeah.
Yeah, that'll do it.
Take the keys and go.
What about you, Doctor?
Unfortunately...
I won't be leaving
this facility.
Is there any way
to stop the infection?
There's nothing.
Just escape...
for you.
No, not for me.
Ed, no!
You can't stay.
I can.
Now you all get out of here.
Lonnie, you take them,
you get out.
And don't stop until you
get to Memphis or beyond.
Warn them, Lonnie.
There's still Quadoxin
out there.
Me and the good Doc will
stay here
and light this place up.
All right?
For the good of the town...
and for my Nancy.
Now we'll do our part.
Make sure you do yours.
Go now!
Out the back exit.
Get to the chopper!
First let me light
this place up.
Let's get these barrels.
It's gonna be all right, Lon.
I have faith.
But do me one favor.
What's that, Ed?
Get out
of the meat pie business.
It's up and died.
Get outta here.
[squelching]
[growling]
[Kayla screaming]
Shit. They're not
gonna make it.
Hey! Over here!
Over here!
Stay five feet
behind the plane!
[engine starting]
[punches landing]
[yells]
[yells]
Goddamn zombie
son of a bitch!
[splatting]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Ed! No!
No, Lonnie, we've gotta go!
Let's get to a hospital
this time, Lonnie.
Memphis, wherever.
Jen needs a doctor.
I'm not dead yet.
Lonnie, I really want
to say thank you.
And I'm sorry.
For what?
Maybe for not believing
in you enough?
Or maybe for not sticking
around here with you?
Or maybe for not
taking you with me.
I never stopped loving you.
I know.
[rock music playing]
I love the smell of Quadoxin
in the morning.
Are these the results of
the latest formulation?
Yes, Mr. Blair.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
There's a plant that grows
down in the South land
Brought in from Japan
They hear about it
from a man
Oh
Now it's outta hand
It grows a foot a day
is what they say
Ain't gonna kill it
don't matter what you spray
Now I'm all ears
[growling]
[growling]
[growling]
[grunting]
[growling]
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
and thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh
It's the kudzu vine
What were they thinking
back in '35
When they planted this evil
the kudzu vine
Was they out of
their minds?
The road is covered
with trees, hell
Covered damn near everything
Whoa, oh, whoa
Whoa, it's the kudzu
It's the kudzu vine
stretchin' from Caroline
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh, oh, oh
It's the kudzu vine
stretchin' from Caroline
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh, oh
It's the kudzu vine
I've heard cries
and whispers
Like a storm up
in the pines
Seen fires set up
on a house
Like angry kudzu vines
Seen grown men
on their knees
But that story's
old as time
It's just the way
of the world
I've heard every battle
Is the one to end
all war
Seen thousand
fall in line
And never know what for
And still our
greatest fear
Is just that knock
upon the door
It's just the way
of the world
Is there any difference
In the sun that
climbs or falls?
Or in trying to get
in or out
When facing down a wall?
I just know
I must get over
As somehow must we all
It's just the way
of the world
[car alarm blaring]
[man, over headset]
We're about to put Quadoxin,
riverside test field drop.
Mike, Whiskey, 31-Niner-84.
Matt, beer me.
[airplane engine rumbling]
Damn, Lonnie's spraying crops
kinda early.
I mean, Tom... seeing this.
Crazy, Robbie,
he can't see shit.
Yo!
Your hot sister's in town?
This better be worth it, Robbie.
I'm kinda partied out, man.
First day of the festival.
Gotta keep the party going.
Yo. What's in that pipe?
[goats bleating]
There it is.
Stay close.
You sure
old Creighton's got pot?
That's the same stuff
y'all were smoking last night.
So, yeah, I'm pretty sure.
All we gotta do is get inside
and take it.
[bleats]
Check the windows,
see if he's inside.
Hey, yo, I think
I see Creighton.
- I see a hand.
- Hey, Creighton!
Wake up, old man!
Let's so some business!
Must be piss drunk
and blacked out.
The hand ain't moving.
Asher, don't bother.
Matt, step back.
[bleats]
Dude, you didn't even
break the door frame.
I'm impressed.
Saw a dude on YouTube.
The trick is to kick right next
to the lock with exquisite force.
Creighton.
Hey, Creighton?
Wake up, you goat fucker.
- What's that?
- Nice.
Damn, he don't
look good at all.
[Robbie]
We got what we came for.
Let's split before
he wakes up.
He's dead.
Holy shit, man!
Holy shit!
Yeah. Yeah, man, he's dead.
He ain't breathing.
[growling, screaming]
Get off!
- Damn it!
- Come on, man. Get up.
[whimpering]
- Let's get out!
- [groans]
[growling]
Come on, go!
[Creighton growling]
[grunting, snorting]
[saw buzzing]
It's a beautiful day, Mr. Mayor.
It is indeed a beautiful day,
Ellie.
Will you be taking lunch?
Perhaps Mi Casa Su Casa?
Jiffy's? Mama Lou's?
Oh, Beau Clair's will do it.
Always does.
Beau Clair's it is, then.
After that, we're gonna check out
the blues music festival grounds
for the gala opening
this afternoon.
The blues festival
sure crept up fast, sir.
It certainly has, Ellie.
The grounds crew ought to be
done setting up the stage
or they're gonna get themselves
an ass full of Italian leather.
I'm not about to give a speech
where I can't be heard.
Let's get out of here.
[engine roaring]
How's today's run
with our new mix, Lonnie?
No problems to report,
Dr. Fukushima.
The mix isn't clogging up
the nozzles anymore.
We got a good drop.
Excellent.
We appreciate your help
in our field research, Lonnie.
Dr. Klein?
[German accent] Yeah, we'll
have a new application area
ready within the week.
Probably the northeast
coordinates.
So, shall we say Monday?
That's fine, fine.
How much longer you think this is
gonna keep going? The work, I mean.
We've permission from the mayor's
office to run tests for another month.
We'd like to try different
variations of the mix.
But after today's drop,
we need to begin
collecting field samples.
This is a big deal
for us, Lonnie.
A very big deal.
It could transform the South.
Eradication of an invasive
species benefits the region.
It might even bring back entire
groves of Quercus virginiana.
Kweerkos what?
Southern live oak.
It's a true part
of Southern heritage.
The funny thing is,
truth be told,
we're used to kudzu
around here.
The goats love it.
Heck, we even cook
with it.
So, you have the rest of
the week off
- before we begin again.
- Great.
I'll be helping my uncle
get his meat pies going
for the Mose Allison
Blues Festival.
You two should drop by.
Unfortunately, Lonnie,
it's all work and no play
for us.
Making us a pair of dull
scientists, indeed, I'm afraid.
Well, okay, then.
9:00 a.m. Monday?
Yeah.
- See you here.
- See you here.
[growling]
Come on! Come on!
Jeez, this hurts, man!
Come on, Asher, buddy, let's go!
Up there! You got it. Come on.
Keep going.
[growling]
[grunting]
[grunting, growling]
[grinder whirring]
You know, Lonnie, this is
gonna be our best year yet.
You think, Ed?
I do. I surely, truly do.
And this could be the year
we go statewide.
Imagine that.
Of course, everyone knows
we're already famous, right?
Yeah, in Charleston maybe.
I'm talking big, Lonnie.
I'm talking about getting
off the farm.
Distribution centers,
processing plants, trucking.
Shit, I'm talking real big.
Big dreams call
for big thirst, guys.
[chuckles]
Okay, what's your pick?
Lemonade or beer?
[Ed] Don't you think
it's a little early for beer?
What else are you gonna drink
on a day like this, Ed?
Cheers, Aunt Nancy.
Well, mind if I have
the beer, my love?
You go right ahead.
Lemonade is fine with me
on this hot day.
How's it looking, Ed?
Well, old Creighton did a hell of
a job this year with his goats.
They're all fat and happy from
the kudzu they been eating.
About all that old grump's
good at is raising 'em.
All the negotiating we did?
[scoffs] They better be good.
Thanks to you, Nancy.
Now if Ben Johnson gets any at all,
it'll be the least of the herd.
[chuckles] Don't you
worry about Ben Johnson.
His pies can't compare to yours.
Not with your secret
recipe. [kisses]
[Ed chuckles]
[up-tempo blues music playing]
[kids shouting playfully]
Thank you.
[Nancy]
Thank you. Good bye.
[bell dings]
[Ben]
Hey!
Don't buy their pies!
They'll make you sick!
You'll turn green!
Strike three!
You're out!
Now here's a man only needs
one ball, right there!
Give it to him!
There you go! Hey!
- [bell dings]
- [cheers]
Why don't you two get a room?
One time for all!
Try tour luck! Try your luck!
Who are the men
and who are the boys?
Try your luck for a dollar!
It's the 21st century,
you sexist pig.
- Give me that mallet!
- Big talk for a little lady.
Just remember, there's a first-aid tent
right over there if you get tired.
- [bell dings]
- [cheering]
Next time, take "big talk"
from small girl seriously.
See you later, creep.
My baby!
[man] Whoo!
World's going to hell
in a handbasket, huh?
- If this is hell, book me a room immediately.
- [toots horn]
[chattering]
One time for all! Try your luck!
Try your luck!
One time for all!
[toots horn]
Mmm.
Watching you made me
crave something.
Oh, I hope it's meat pies,
my sweet.
Because I'm starving.
Seriously, that really
gave me a workout.
I demand that we play
the hunger games...
for I am hungry.
[squeals, giggles]
Jennifer, Trish, we're gonna get
something to eat.
Beefcake here must be fed so he
can get all the energy he needs
if he's gonna
ring my bell.
- Well, I think we're gonna go take a walk.
- Yeah.
Ooh, got some games of your own
you wanna play.
- Wouldn't you like to know.
- I'd like to sell tickets.
You two were a big hit
back there.
That? That was
the kiddie matinee.
We charge a lot more
for the "adults only" show.
Yeah, sorry, man.
- Hey, Kayla, did you say your brother was coming?
- I haven't seen him around.
He's probably bumming around
with Asher
and the rest of them
short-bus achievers.
It would be really nice
to have some, um,
herbalicious,
you know what I'm saying?
Uh, yeah.
If I see Robbie,
I'll let him know
you're looking for him.
[whirring]
Quadoxin, chlorophyll,
sample 15 ready.
Quadoxin, adversity test.
Field drop. Number MW-212.
Chlorophyll sample, 15 of 30.
All right,
are you hungry?
I was thinking of going into town, grabbing
some grub. Shall I pick you up something?
I've got that nice soup
in the fridge if you want some.
Organic and vegan.
Well, finish up.
I'll take a look at your notes.
Most places might be closed
because of that carnival.
And there's not much
in town either.
I guess I'll have to see
what the carnies have.
Don't linger
at the games, Danny,
but if you do,
bring me back a prize, okay?
I'm not that lucky.
Back in a bit.
You caught anything yet?
Hey, we're hungry.
Not yet.
They ain't biting today.
Looks like I got one.
It a biggin'.
Fire up the grease.
- All right!
- Whoo!
[roaring]
[growling]
- [blues music playing in
distance] -[grunting]
Got any that weren't made
with peanut oil?
- [Nancy] No, sorry.
- Thank you.
You can never expect the line
to be short,
but this is ridiculous.
Why not visit the booths?
Grab a trotskey for
my apartment.
I'm pretty sure
you mean tchotchke.
You want me to grab you
a pie?
Peanut allergy, remember?
Ed's always used peanut oil.
Sign says so right there.
That guy is waving
to us, I think.
Huh. Uh...
Yeah, well, Nancy Nelson says
that the peanut oil
is a base to their
secret marinade, so...
Um, yeah, you know,
I think I'm gonna go
check out some of the jewelry
over there.
Lon, wanna take a break,
talk to her?
Enjoy your pie.
But...
[sighs]
No use, Ed.
She's with Trent Raleigh.
He goes to her college.
Serves me right for staying
and not following her.
Whatever we had before
is gone, I suppose.
Take a break, Lon.
You can try.
Still might be sweet on ya.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, Bob, whatcha eatin'
there, dude?
Come on!
Meat pies here!
Hey, hey, man,
you want a meat pie?
I'm not real big on
meat pies.
Oh, come on, they'll put
lead in your pecker.
I don't think so, man.
Oh, man!
You can try it?
Well, I don't know,
his look okay over there.
I think I'm gonna go with his.
Thank you.
There's an asshole
in every crowd.
That Ed Nelson and his wife
screwed me good this time.
How's that, Mr. Johnson?
Well, me and Ed let
Creighton decide
who was gonna get the first pick
of his goats this year.
Son of a bitch, pissant,
motherfucking shitheads!
I hope they hear me!
Son of a bitch.
Fuck me for doing this,
but I'm gonna go over there
and say something.
[groaning]
[growling]
[growling]
[blues music playing]
[engine revving]
[growling]
[roaring]
[laughing]
[panting]
- [rustling]
- Do you hear something?
Oh.
No, I...
Sorry. I don't know.
It's okay.
[giggling]
- [leaves rustle]
- Trish.
I think I saw something.
- What?
- Yeah, I think somebody...
I think someone's over there.
- I don't see anything.
- No?
- Hey!
- [grunts, groans]
- Robbie!
- Jesus, my balls!
[Robbie groans]
- Come on, get on here!
- What is going on?
What happened to Asher?
He got fucking bitten by
an alligator near the creek.
Yeah, 'gator! [groans]
We gotta get your friend to a hospital,
right? That doesn't look so good.
Yeah, well, we thought about it, but we
didn't need any fucking heat at the moment!
We at least need to get him to the
first-aid station or something.
Are alligators rabid, though?
Like, can they contract
rabies?
No, only mammals can.
But honestly,
that does not look like
any kind of swamp rat
or alligator
for that matter.
You're a doctor?
No, I only play one on TV.
- [girls laugh]
- [coughs]
I listened in science class.
She's majoring in botany.
I'm so proud.
We should probably split for
that first-aid tent down there.
Hold up, boss.
My balls!
[coughs]
We should keep moving, guys.
Let's go.
But does anybody have
any weed, though?
- [Matt] Shut the fuck up about weed!
- Fine.
[growling]
[growling]
[mayor talking on PA]
Welcome fellow Charlestonians!
[mayor chuckles]
I'm proud to be standing
before you
to officially open the first day
of our fourth annual
Mose Allison Music Festival.
For the kids, we got clowns
and rides
and about as much sugar
as you can shake a stick at.
So, parents, keep an eye on
them little booger eaters.
[laughs]
And for the parents,
we got the wine bar
and beer garden
again this year,
and plenty of games
of chance.
Now, folks, I'm not going to wear you
down with words, I am a politician.
[mayor chuckles]
Go have fun!
Those look good on you.
Thanks.
It's not really
my style, though.
Maybe Trent will like 'em.
Lonnie...
you knew I was going away
to college.
Okay, I can't help
that life changes.
You mean you can't help
that mine didn't?
Lonnie, that's
hardly true, or fair.
I hoped you were doing well.
I signed up for
business courses online.
Things are going
really well for Ed.
There's a future in those pies.
Heck, even my crop-dusting
work's going well.
Lonnie, I know you'll succeed.
You've got a great heart...
and brains.
And whatever paths we take,
I'll always consider you
a friend, but...
[phone beeping]
Uh... It's 911.
I've gotta go.
We'll talk more?
Maybe before you leave?
I don't know.
Bye, Lonnie.
Bye for now.
Go to your better life, then.
[sighs]
Our town is on an upswing.
You should be proud of your
own hardworking efforts
in making Charleston
a better place to live.
Lucky my ass! You done stole the
election from me, you dirty rat!
Oh, I never stole nothin'
in my life there, sir.
- All right.
- Yeah, you did!
[chuckles] I thought I told
you to wait in the truck.
- [man] I'll get you later!
- Okay.
Grandpa at the stage.
Somebody come get him.
- [laughs]
- [man, mockingly] Ha-ha! Yeah!
[mayor] If you haven't tried
Ed Nelson's meat pies...
Mmm!
...you oughta!
They are the best in town.
Son of a bitch!
That son of a bitch!
That Ed Nelson?
He is indeed.
Ha! He is indeed.
For years I've been wanting to
get that secret recipe of his.
You know, I talked to Nancy
once, Fred's Super Saver.
Talked to her right in front
of a case of frozen meat pies.
[chuckles] I tell ya.
Irony follows me like a cloud.
[chuckles] Anyway, we
were talking friendly,
so I inquired about her recipe.
Maybe it was the way I asked...
a little too friendly,
maybe a little too curious...
but she closed up so quickly.
Eyes grew cold. [scoffs]
I tell ya, they'll never
give you that recipe willingly.
They probably use a lot
of critters, huh?
Oh, don't be a fool. They use
Creighton's goats just like you do.
Must be the spices, then.
Hey, hold on just a minute here.
- What's your angle?
- What's yours?
I wanna be big in meat pies.
Bigger than
Ed "Son of a Bitch" Nelson.
And destroy them
in the process.
And I wanna market
your pies.
I wanna bring them
to the next level.
You know, nationally,
globally.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I can see it now.
A clown. The Colonel Sanders
of meat pies.
I can see the billboards.
With you and a little fat goat.
- No!
- Once we get the recipe. Yeah!
No, I've been trying to get out
of this clown business.
- I hate kids.
- Yeah, well, you don't to like the little kids,
but we gonna make
the little fuckers fat!
We can do it together,
but I've got a plan,
and you're gonna have
to listen to it
as long as we've got a deal.
All right.
But the main thing is,
I want to destroy
those assholes over there.
...Mose Allison Festival!
We are the Truck Patch Revival!
Here we go!
In a dirt road town
ain't nothin' but small
Everybody's laid back
and we still say y'all
[zombie snorts]
Hey, buddy,
you got a light?
Oh, you smell worse
than a buzzard on a...
- [screaming]
- [spits]
- [screaming]
- [growling]
[Truck Patch Revival
playing in distance]
[Asher groaning]
[Robbie]
All I'm saying is, he was bit.
We shouldn't have been
messing around in the swamps.
That doesn't look like
an alligator did that to him.
Robbie, what's wrong?
What happened?
What happened?!
Anybody wanna give me some sort
of idea about what's going on?
Listen, listen.
- We had no idea...
- Matt, shut the hell up, man!
[groans]
Look, guys,
he doesn't look so good.
He's gotta get to a hospital.
You have to tell us
what really happened.
Robbie, I won't be pissed,
I won't tell Mom and Dad.
I promise.
[Trent]
They're gonna ask, Matt...
We went... Listen.
We went to Creighton's...
We went to Creighton's
to get some weed.
We got there.
That motherfucker
attacked us.
Shit, we thought
he was sleeping.
All right?
And he just...
bit...
Well, look, the ambulance
just left before we got here.
Yeah, we can't afford to wait.
I hate to end our day this way.
He-Man takes the challenge,
ladies.
I live for this stuff.
- Let's get him to my car.
- [stomach gurgling]
[Kayla]
What's wrong, He-Man?
Gas, I guess.
That meat pie's
not sitting right.
It'll pass.
So about that weed
you said you had?
Uh, yeah,
I got it right here.
How much did you want?
- How much you have?
- How much you want?
- I will give you whatever you want.
- Oh, my God.
[engine revs, stops]
Shit. What you want to do first?
- I wanna ride something.
- I figured after last night,
that ass of yours
would be tired of riding.
My ass is just fine,
thank you.
- I know. Shit.
- [giggles]
Stop, baby.
Someone might be watching!
You let 'em watch.
Hell, I'll sell some tickets!
- God, I fuckin' love you!
- Fuckin' love you!
[moaning]
[growling]
[screaming]
Aah! Fuck!
[clanking]
[clanking]
[groans]
What's wrong?
I don't know.
I'm feeling sick.
Aah! God!
Mein head hurts like hell!
It's the worst migraine ever.
[groans]
I vomited a few times
on the way back.
Food poisoning.
You ate there, right?
At the carnival?
[groaning, yelling]
[moaning]
[moans]
God, it hurts!
Oh, my God, it hurts!
[scream echoes]
Assuming everything
There's not enough room
for all of us, so, Robbie,
- you're coming with us.
- [groaning]
[engine sputtering]
Damn it! [sighs]
Something's wrong!
I know cars.
My dad's a mechanic.
Pop the hood.
[blues song playing in distance]
[crowd cheering in distance]
Man, you're shitting me.
When was the last time
you got gas, hmm?
I filled up before we left.
You sure you didn't ride out here
on fumes, from all the mist, huh?
Trent!
How many times did I tell you
to fill the tank up?
Jesus, Kayla.
I did! I did!
What, you really think I just
planned on this happening?
Asher is dying, okay? And we're
all just screwing around!
[screaming]
- Asher! Asher!
- Shh!
Asher, come on, man.
Jesus!
It was just a bite, man!
The infection, whatever it was,
it spread quickly.
I mean, look at his skin.
It looks like something's
growing underneath it.
Is he dead?
Yeah. Yeah, he's gone.
I'm sorry.
[clattering]
How do you think
we're doing today, love?
I think we done had
our best year yet.
Just estimating...
- I'd say ten grand, maybe 15.
- Whoo-hoo!
Ed, just one day alone, and we
still got three days to go.
[Nancy]
Plenty to expand with.
[Ed] Gotta watch out
for that damn Ben.
I think we ought to use that
money to expand. I really do.
We don't need the recipe to
destroy them son of a bitches.
You got that bottle?
[clatters]
[Matt] What's going on?
What's happening, man?
No...
No! What the fuck, man?
What the fuck is this?
- [screeching]
- What is this?
[Robbie]
What the hell is that?
It's kudzu shoots.
Oh, my God! I am way too stoned
for this shit!
[Ben grunts]
Hello, Ben.
Still pissed about them goats?
Listen, Ed.
I didn't mean nothing, I swear.
Ben Johnson!
What in the holy name of God?
Snooping around here
trying to find something.
It was shitty
what you two done!
I had a deal!
Shit! Nancy read
"The Art of the Deal."
Made Creighton a hell of a one.
Trump himself would be proud.
Five, ten years, we have exclusive
rights to Creighton's finest.
But you ain't gonna find
no recipe around here...
you dumb-ass ingrate!
Ed! No!
He ain't worth it.
[screaming]
[growling]
What do we do for him?
- [screaming]
- [growling]
- [growling]
- No! No, no!
[growling]
[growling]
- [shouting]
- [growling]
- [growling]
- [shouting]
Hey! Help me! Help me!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
Oh my God!
Asher, Jesus!
- [shouting]
- [growling]
Come on, Asher!
Stop, man!
You're goddamn vegan,
for Christ's sake!
Stop! Stop!
- [roaring]
- What the hell was that?
- [crowd screaming] -[muffled music
playing through headphones]
One meat pie, please.
- [growls]
- [screams]
What in the hell is going on?
Please let me go as a matter
of professional courtesy.
I ain't lettin' shit!
- [growling]
- Whoa. Whoa!
[growling]
- Guys!
- [screaming]
[growling]
Aah!
[screaming]
[growling]
[shrieks]
[groaning]
His illness has left him
virtually comatose.
I've estimated 40 minutes
to one hour
since ingestion of possible
infected source material.
[squelching]
[breathing heavily]
Dr. Klein's pulse
has progressively slowed.
I'm concerned that he may
go into cardiac arrest.
[gasping]
[groaning]
[weeping]
Daniel, no!
- [growls]
- [whimpers]
Daniel!
Dr. Klein!
Are you even you?
If you can hear me...
- [growling]
- ...I'm so sorry!
[grunts]
- [growling]
- No!
[growling]
No!
No!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
Rest in peace, my brother.
What the hell happened to him?
He looked crazy! Like...
like he wanted to kill you.
That thing that attacked
that woman didn't look crazy.
It looked dead.
Asher had no pulse
when I checked.
That thing that's eating Matt
right now?
It's dead, too!
Look at him!
That used to be
old man Creighton!
Say goodbye, creep!
[growling]
I thought you were
too stoned for this.
It's too bad about Matt.
He had some tasty herb.
Hey, we need to get out of here before
more of these dead bastards come at us.
Well, they came
from the festival.
We should get out of town.
[both chuckling]
Can you move, man?
He didn't bite my legs.
I can stand.
Yeah, but can you run?
Hey, guys, I think
I found the jackpot.
[chuckles]
Now we're talkin'. Let's go!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
What in devil's hell is going on
in my damn town?
This ain't the Charleston
I know.
What are all the people of my fine
town doing to each other, Ellie?
[Ellie] It appears to be
cannibalism, sir.
Shit fire and save matches!
I knew this would happen
during a damn election year!
Why me, Lord?! Why me?!
We've got to get you
out of here!
[growling]
[growling loudly]
- Hurry! Get in, get in!
- Go, go, go! Go!
- [gunshot]
- [zombie screams]
[engine starting]
- Wait!
- [zombie screams]
[groans]
- [growls]
- [gunshot]
- [growling]
- Aah!
Let the power of rock and roll
take over!
[growling]
[guitar twangs, reverberates]
Aw, shit,
it's the grocery boy.
Let's go.
Oh, no! No!
Leave me alone!
No! No!
- [screams]
- [growls]
[growling]
Grab the table.
Goddamn zombies!
We gotta do something
about this.
- Can you hold this?
- Yeah, I got it.
All right.
[growling]
[Ed] Pass me that lighter.
Okay, come on, Ed.
It's fourth and goal
against Memphis Central.
You got this, baby,
come on!
Take this!
Put that table down
so I can throw this out!
[growling]
Let's get out of here.
- [screaming]
- [growling]
Oh, hell no!
[growling, cackling]
[growling]
[cackling]
[horn toots]
What the hell
got to this clown?
I knew that, I guess I'd keep it
a goddamn secret from you, Ed!
You make me sorry I saved
your stupid ass.
[screaming]
[growls]
Here's what we gotta do.
We gotta make it to Neil's
up the street.
If I know that old
preppin' bastard,
he's happier than a dog's
balls about this whole thing.
Probably sitting in the basement
surrounded by maximum firepower.
And jacking his AK, sir.
Good call.
Hey! Chester! Jimmy!
[whistles]
Over here!
Real good to see you fellas.
Follow me, stay close. We're
off to Neil's army. Come on.
Lonnie, take the lead.
I'll be right back.
Meet me over there.
All right.
[retches]
[grunts]
[screaming]
[Trent yelling]
Kayla!
[screaming]
- [Kayla screams]
- [Trent] Kayla!
- Hey, this way! Let's go!
- [Kayla screaming]
- [screaming]
- [growling]
Kayla!
Run Kayla!
[Robbie]
You zombie bastard!
Are you all right? Bite?
No, I'm okay.
But what about Trent?
Ed! Ed!
Help me with this guy!
Come on.
There's nowhere to go, Lonnie!
Everyone, the alley! Now!
[growls]
[distant growls]
This is about
a shitty situation we're in!
[engine idling]
[Ben] Oh, God.
See that?
[Nancy] The damage can't be too bad.
The engine's running.
Running down the gas.
- [Nancy] Shit, Ben.
- [Ben] All I'm saying is,
we may have a short trip to
wherever the hell we're going.
Worth checking out.
At least we know
the key's in it.
Lonnie, where are we going?
We gotta get Trent
to a hospital.
Whatever happened to Asher
is happening to him.
You're the botanist, babe,
what do you think?
I don't know. I mean,
this isn't exactly textbook.
I have an idea. It means heading
to the Muni, though.
The airport?
Why not the hospital, man?
'Cause whatever it is,
the answer might be out there.
I know a person that might
be able to help Trent.
Does it have anything to do with the
stuff you were spraying this morning?
What is he talking about,
Lonnie?
It could be tied up with the
chemical they're testing out there.
I want Trent to live.
Please help us, Lonnie.
[growling]
We'll split into two groups.
Leave Trent here
with Kayla.
One group will distract
and then the other will...
[shouts]
[loud rumbling]
Is this the change
you were looking for, Lon?
You damn fool!
I said no RPGs, Salvador!
We're saving the town,
not destroying it!
Tell you what.
I'll do it.
I'll distract 'em.
I'm gonna need this, though.
- Hey! Come on! I'm over here!
- [rapid gunfire]
- [horn honking]
- [rapid gunfire]
[woman screams, cries]
Keep aiming for the heads!
The heads!
[grunts]
[grunts]
Hey, wait up!
[growling]
Thank you, Ellie.
Don't mention it.
- [screams]
- No!
[Ellie screaming]
[screams]
[growling]
[shouting]
[mayor]
Oh, Ellie. I'm so sorry.
Damn shame, Sam.
She was a truly fine aide.
A young lady
of strong character.
And, boy,
could she handle a pistol.
I swear, I'm gonna kick
the undead shit
out of everyone of these
damn sons of bitches!
Mr. Mayor.
What can I do for you, son?
I need a few of your men
for cover.
My people are back there, beyond
the alley, and they need help now.
All right, then.
Neil! Take a few of our folks
and line up
at the end of that street
so this kid's people
can regroup here.
[growls]
All right, on the double,
everybody!
Cal.
Go ahead.
We need cover fire on
the west side of the square.
Roger that.
[Cal, over radio]
Good to go on your mark.
- [gunfire]
- [growling]
[gunshot]
[growling]
[Ed] Move the van!
[gunfire]
It's not moving.
I should've never given
that damn GlobalBio bullshit
permission to run
them damn tests!
[crying]
Ellie died 'cause of me!
The whole town!
I don't know if I can
deal with this!
Oh, mercy, Lord, mercy!
The money they offered me
made me happier
than Richard Simmons
watching "Brokeback Mountain!"
And I am ashamed, Lord!
I am shamed!
Lord, I am shamed and I repent!
What's done is done, okay?
There's still time
to do something,
but we gotta get
to the hangar.
Fukushima and Klein
might have the answers we need.
At least we've gotta try
for Trent and others over there.
Maybe this town can
come together and really...
Be saved!
Be saved, yes! Yes!
Enough, Lonnie,
go on, get going.
Look, go see Neil over there.
Take my gun and get
some more weapons and ammo.
Thank you, sir.
I just wish a few
of your folks might stay.
We could use all the living people we
can find to help us out over here.
We'll need all the help
we can get, too.
All right, go on,
go see Neil.
Good luck, ladies.
And to you, Mr. Mayor.
Got all the luck I need, lady.
It's in my very name.
Hey, just remember to vote
for your friend
Sam Luckwood when this thing
all blows over, okay?
We're ready to go,
but we ain't got much gas.
Muni's less than
four miles out.
We'll be riding on fumes
if we get there at all.
All right, then, let's go.
All right, listen up!
Okay, men, we have work to do,
and we do not have
cell phone use.
Neil, Jimmy, take a group
down that street, right now.
Come on, let's go.
Salvador, take a group
down that way.
Cordell, Uri,
go find Perr
and make a sweep of
that whole street.
Let's go!
[yelling]
[growling]
[engine sputters]
Damn, we're outta gas!
[distant growling]
You know, before I retired
as an RN,
I saw a lot of infection.
Sepsis.
I can't believe
he's still alert.
- He's a fighter, sweetie. He's a fighter.
- [Kayla crying]
But that doesn't matter,
does it?
Because he's gonna be dead!
And then he's gonna come back
just like those things!
He can... he can hear us,
can't he?
Right, he can hear us,
in there, talking all these...
these God-awful things
about him.
He can hear us
in there, right?
God. Trent! Trent!
I don't know what to do!
My chest feels like
it's gonna explode.
Oh, baby!
I don't know how to help you!
I don't know...
I don't know what to do!
If you still have feelings
for Lonnie,
don't deny them.
No, I can't.
I love you!
I love you so... Please.
I know you still have
feelings for Lonnie.
People have different ideas
about what they want
out of this life, Kayla.
Don't deny him your heart.
Be happy!
- Don't!
- No, I love you!
Trent! Trent!
No, Trent!
No! No! No!
No! No!
- [Kayla] Jennifer!
- [growling]
Jennifer!
[growling]
[yelling]
Get this slimy
son of a bitch off me!
Shit! Hold still, old man!
Fuck it!
Son of a bitch!
You wrecked my pants!
- Come on, Kayla, we need to go!
- No, I...
I'll distract the dead ones!
Go! Now! You have to!
Come on, Kayla!
Hey! Ugly!
Yeah, you!
Come and get me!
Take me on!
Take me on!
- Take me on!
- Trent! No!
[growling]
No!
Come on, baby,
they're coming.
I just don't know
if I can get there, Ed.
Just remember, honey,
I'll always...
Shh.
I don't wanna hear
that talk, okay?
It's gonna be all right.
I'll make sure of it.
[growling]
Come on.
What you waiting on?
Let's go.
[groaning]
I can't go on.
Look at me, Ed.
I'm all messed up.
I'm dying.
What can we do for you, Ben?
I'd appreciate it, Nancy,
if you just...
send me on to glory.
I don't wanna come back as
one of those cuds of...
covered cannibals.
Well, you know, Ben,
the secret was always
in the meat marinade.
A little cumin,
cracked pepper,
sea salt,
paprika,
mustard seed,
a few orange peels.
And a dash of JT's
Bone Shack Famous Sauce.
Hell! Ain't that cheatin', Ed?
Here I was thinking
you used
some kind of exotic meat,
like, uh...
maybe possum or...
hog nuts or...
Come on, man.
We gotta keep going.
[Ben] I'm ready to go.
Thank y'all for being
so kind to me.
Just let her rip, Ed.
[gunshot echoes]
[growling]
[screams]
Trish!
[screaming]
Get the fuck off of her,
you creep!
Get off her!
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
[zombie screaming]
Did he get you?
Oh, no!
I just fucking cut my leg!
Fuck... [groaning]
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
Hold on.
- [screaming]
- Nancy!
No!
[screaming]
[rapid gunfire]
The airport's just
right over there.
We can move up behind
the helicopter.
Ed and Nancy, let's go.
[growling]
Ease down, Kayla.
Relax.
It's okay.
We're not outta this yet.
Save your ammo.
There'll be more to kill
for Trent's sake.
Promise.
Let's go, guys.
[zombies growling]
You got keys for the chopper?
No, they're inside.
So what's the plan?
We can rush it,
best we can.
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.
[growling]
[growling]
Dr. Fukushima!
Dr. Klein!
Are you here?
Hello?
- [pounding]
- [growling]
[Lonnie]
You're all right.
No.
God damn it.
God damn!
You did your best, Ed.
She loved you so much, Ed.
Never a moment
when she didn't.
She was a real peach.
I just don't know what
I'm gonna do without her.
Oh, my God, your arm.
I know.
And I... I can already
feel it inside me,
whatever it is.
I need to find Fukushima.
If she's here, she might
be able to help us and help you.
Hello?
Hello?
Doctors, are you here?
Hello? Dr. Fukushima?
[clanking]
[growling]
Sorry, Nancy.
[Dr. Fukushima crying]
It's okay. It's okay.
You're gonna be all right.
[zombies growling in distance]
And Dr. Klein?
He didn't make it.
Fuck... [groans]
- How much ammo do you have left?
- Let me see.
Not much.
It's okay,
we'll be all right.
[growling]
[grunts] Creep!
Dr. Fukushima, I presume?
Yes.
Doctor, please to meet you
under these circumstances.
I mean, the entire town's been
overrun with these things.
Our friends are dead.
Any idea how this happened?
Maybe you can tell us
how it is
that the dead can walk around,
turning into,
I don't know what, plants?
Kudzu zombies would be
the more technical word.
Oh, my God!
[laughs]
Any ideas, Doctor?
The Quadoxin was having
the opposite effect
of what we intended.
It seems to be causing
substantial growth
in the plant instead,
'causing it to seek out
nutrition.
Whatever is left here,
we can't let it be used.
[Ed]
You started this damn thing?
You ought to be ashamed!
Death, destruction,
our families!
How dare you!
How dare you!
Ed.
She didn't know.
I doubt any of them did.
Lonnie...
there is a way out
for you all.
Chopper outside.
What about the Quadoxin?
Destroy it.
Ed...
is that enough fuel to
take this place down?
Yeah.
Yeah, that'll do it.
Take the keys and go.
What about you, Doctor?
Unfortunately...
I won't be leaving
this facility.
Is there any way
to stop the infection?
There's nothing.
Just escape...
for you.
No, not for me.
Ed, no!
You can't stay.
I can.
Now you all get out of here.
Lonnie, you take them,
you get out.
And don't stop until you
get to Memphis or beyond.
Warn them, Lonnie.
There's still Quadoxin
out there.
Me and the good Doc will
stay here
and light this place up.
All right?
For the good of the town...
and for my Nancy.
Now we'll do our part.
Make sure you do yours.
Go now!
Out the back exit.
Get to the chopper!
First let me light
this place up.
Let's get these barrels.
It's gonna be all right, Lon.
I have faith.
But do me one favor.
What's that, Ed?
Get out
of the meat pie business.
It's up and died.
Get outta here.
[squelching]
[growling]
[Kayla screaming]
Shit. They're not
gonna make it.
Hey! Over here!
Over here!
Stay five feet
behind the plane!
[engine starting]
[punches landing]
[yells]
[yells]
Goddamn zombie
son of a bitch!
[splatting]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Ed! No!
No, Lonnie, we've gotta go!
Let's get to a hospital
this time, Lonnie.
Memphis, wherever.
Jen needs a doctor.
I'm not dead yet.
Lonnie, I really want
to say thank you.
And I'm sorry.
For what?
Maybe for not believing
in you enough?
Or maybe for not sticking
around here with you?
Or maybe for not
taking you with me.
I never stopped loving you.
I know.
[rock music playing]
I love the smell of Quadoxin
in the morning.
Are these the results of
the latest formulation?
Yes, Mr. Blair.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
There's a plant that grows
down in the South land
Brought in from Japan
They hear about it
from a man
Oh
Now it's outta hand
It grows a foot a day
is what they say
Ain't gonna kill it
don't matter what you spray
Now I'm all ears
[growling]
[growling]
[growling]
[grunting]
[growling]
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
and thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh
It's the kudzu vine
What were they thinking
back in '35
When they planted this evil
the kudzu vine
Was they out of
their minds?
The road is covered
with trees, hell
Covered damn near everything
Whoa, oh, whoa
Whoa, it's the kudzu
It's the kudzu vine
stretchin' from Caroline
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh, oh, oh
It's the kudzu vine
stretchin' from Caroline
Charleston, Mississippi,
and on down the line
Consuming everything
in sight
It grows high and tall
thick and green
You ain't gonna stop it
no matter what you bring
Oh, oh
It's the kudzu vine
I've heard cries
and whispers
Like a storm up
in the pines
Seen fires set up
on a house
Like angry kudzu vines
Seen grown men
on their knees
But that story's
old as time
It's just the way
of the world
I've heard every battle
Is the one to end
all war
Seen thousand
fall in line
And never know what for
And still our
greatest fear
Is just that knock
upon the door
It's just the way
of the world
Is there any difference
In the sun that
climbs or falls?
Or in trying to get
in or out
When facing down a wall?
I just know
I must get over
As somehow must we all
It's just the way
of the world