Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013) Movie Script
(Folk guitar music)
- Oh, much obliged, ma'am.
That... Oh, that looks so tasty.
- Oh, you're so welcome.
Smells wonderful.
- Thank you.
- Hey, about a pot
of hot coffee?
- Coming right up.
- Thank you.
- Hope you brought back
a powerful appetite with you.
Can you believe this snow?
You boys keep working that hard,
You're gonna have
this whole forest chopped.
- Yeah,
maybe we should slow down,
Go half speed.
What do you say, boss?
- You go half speed,
Ill cut you half speed.
- All Im saying is,
It takes some time for these
big trees to grow back.
Don't it?
- Trees are trees.
More people are building
houses now, closer together.
You look at your kitchen window,
You can look
in your neighbor's bedroom.
You take it from me, young man.
The future of this great country
is home ownership.
Now, I want you guys
to get some rest tonight
'Cause tomorrow we're gonna cut
20 acres of god's green timber.
When's this thing gonna be done,
Elmer?
- Chow's ready boss.
Meat's practically falling off
the bone.
- Ain't bad, Elmer.
It ain't too bad.
- Much obliged, boss.
- Save me some.
I'll be back.
- You got another log jam
to take care of, boss?
That's the third time today
for him.
- Well, for a great big bear
of a man,
Boss sure has the itty-Bitty
bowels of a squirrel.
Ring the dinner bell, kid.
Tell the men to come on over.
Chow's ready.
(Metal ringing)
- Smells good, y'all.
(Metal ringing)
(Ominous music)
(Saw buzzing)
- (Growling)
- Hey.
- (Snarls)
(Growls)
- (Pants)
Hey, hey.
- (Snarling)
(Saw buzzing)
(Both growl)
- (Yells)
- (Growling)
- (Yells)
(Screaming)
(Menacing orchestral music)
- (Sighs gruffly)
These monkeys
are gonna get themselves hurt.
- No, not a problem.
We'll be here.
- Miss cow-Wow-Zinkowski?
- Please,
my friends call me Sam.
- Sergeant Hoke,
and I don't have any friends,
So you will address me
as sergeant Hoke.
- Oh...
okay.
- Here they come now.
(Dramatic blues music)
Let's see who we got here.
D.O.C. Number 6-8-2-9-0,
Martin Williams,
Felony robbery.
- Is this really necessary?
- Move it along,
chicken little.
D.O.C. Number 9-0-2-1-1,
Trish gauge, three counts
of assault on a police officer.
Fall in, prairie dog.
D.O.C. Number 2-0-0-6-8,
Zachery Moore,
drug trafficking.
- You can call me Zack.
- I'll be keeping
a real special eye on you.
Move along, wasted space.
D.O.C. Number 1-8-7-5-0,
Rosa villa.
Well, contempt of court.
Couldn't have guessed.
Fall in there, thornbush.
- Hi, ray Tanner,
dropping off my daughter.
- (Sighs)
D.O.C number 1-7-9-0-1,
Claire Tanner,
Drunk driving, bodily injury.
You are late; if you are
trying to get on my good side,
You have failed.
Now, get in line, happy hour.
- Hey, is that thing necessary?
- Well, you never know
who you might run into
In the deep, dark woods.
Toe the line.
That means toes on the line.
(Clears throat)
Yes, this will include you,
wasted space.
Toe the line.
Now, you all have had
the good fortune
To be a part of the state's
first offender program,
What I like to refer to as
the get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.
There's only one problem,
kiddies.
I'm the one
holding all the cards.
And Im sergeant a. Hoke,
And as of right now,
You are all my s. T.U.M.P.S.
All right, s. T.U.M.P.S.
All aboard sergeant Hoke's
happy short bus.
(Door slams)
Get on board.
Double time.
Double time,
or you will be left behind,
And I will fail you.
Move, move, move.
Do you require assistance,
madam?
- She'll be okay.
- Thanks.
(Mouthing)
(Engine turning over)
(Adventurous music)
- You're a cube rat, never spent
any time in the field.
- Not exactly.
I have an office.
Nice refurbished couch,
a great one.
Tea tray.
- Have you ever spent any time
outdoors?
- I spend more time indoors.
Got my master's in social work
With a focus
on criminal justice.
- I don't remember asking
for your resume.
Miss k. Why are you here?
- There's plenty of punishment
built into the system.
I'm here to reform, to help.
- (Chuckles)
Well, shit, Sam.
Me too.
Me too.
- Felony robbery.
Chicken little.
You don't look the type.
- Wait a minute.
I know you.
Internet hacker, stole, like,
12 mil from the government.
- It was only 11.5.
The IRS likes to round shit up.
- What's it like
to spend all that money?
- Yeah, what did you buy?
- Never had a chance
to roll around in it.
Just numbers on a screen.
- You?
Miss badass.
- What?
- Assault a cop three times.
I dig it.
- That's bullshit.
I only punched him once.
- What about you, c. B.?
You doing all right back there?
Need a drink?
(Laughter)
- Nice.
(Laughs)
- S.T.U.M.P., remain seated
while the vehicle is in motion.
This is not a pleasure cruise.
- S.T.U.M.P.S?
- Stupid teenagers
under my protection.
- Technically
they're not all teenagers.
- (Chuckles)
- I'd appreciate it...
And Im sure the other
passengers would too...
If you didn't smoke.
I'm not sure
I approve of your style.
- Well, then this is going
to get interesting.
(Adventurous music)
(Twangy rustic music)
(Mysterious music)
Miss k. Welcome to my world.
- This is gonna be interesting.
- S.T.U.M.P.S, get off the bus.
- This is where we're staying?
- This place is a pile.
- (Sighs)
- S.T.U.M.P.S, toe the line.
You are all here
because you have made choices
That most people would describe
As piss-Poor.
The courts have given you
this one last chance
To get your shit together,
Or your shit
will get pushed in in prison.
- (Chuckles)
- Today you are all s. T.U.M.P.S,
But when I am through with you,
You will have grown
into trees...
and productive members
of society.
Miss k.
- Hi.
We're gonna have a great week.
There will be
physical challenges
Led by sergeant Hoke,
And Ill be continuing
our counseling sessions here.
By the end of the week,
we hope this experience
Inspires you to make changes
in your life
And better choices.
- I choose to go somewhere else.
- Yeah, I don't want to stay
in that dump for a week.
- Shut it!
S.T.U.M.P.S don't stay
in the cabin.
S.T.U.M.P.S stay outside.
S.T.U.M.P.S, set up the tents
by the campfire circle.
Move out.
Hold on.
- I'm not sharing a tent
with you.
- Oh, I know.
I'll be sleeping in the cabin.
- What?
- I'm not here
to share anything,
Least of all hardships.
I may not have a fancy degree,
But s-G-T,
It's got its privileges.
(Bear panting)
(Bear roaring)
(Bones crunch)
(Roars)
(Flesh squishing)
- Several people got shot.
It was a drive-By.
The d. A. Wanted me to testify,
but I couldn't.
I was worried for Myra,
my daughter.
- You have a daughter?
- Yeah.
- Whoa, serious m. I.L.F.- Age.
(Both laugh)
- When I get out of here,
Im gonna get her back.
- Hey, I cut a deal
to get out the bigger fish.
You got busted for talking.
Talking's what saved my ass.
- Figures.
A hood rat like you
selling drugs.
- Hey, I had friends,
and they needed things.
Just so happens
what they needed wasn't legal.
- What you do differently
if you could go back in time?
- Probably invest in Google.
(Laughter)
- Trish, you're up.
- (Scoffs)
There was this bar fight.
Cops showed up.
One of them asked me
what happened,
And the officer behind him
wouldn't stop staring at my ass.
- (Laughs)
- So I popped him.
- Excuse me, ma'am,
but you do have a nice ass.
- (Laughs)
- C.B., it's your turn.
- I was coming back
from a party.
I was a little buzzed.
The car in front of me
ran this red light.
I couldn't stop in time,
and I hit him.
The driver got thrown
from the car.
- You weren't hurt at all?
- Just a little cut on my knee.
The other driver
wasn't hurt either,
But he reeked of booze.
- He was drunk too?
- It was his third offense
for drunk driving.
- Oh.
- He hit three cars in town
Before he ran that light.
- You stopped that guy
from killing someone.
You deserve...
You deserve a medal
rather than being here.
- That's right.
The system is messed up.
It's not fair.
- Well, two d. U.I.S
don't make a right.
She did break the law.
- Screw that.
I would've hired a lawyer.
Sued him for a million.
- A million?
I would've got 12 million.
- My lawyer said it was better
to just plead guilty
Than to fight it.
- And you thought
that was unfair.
- He ran the light.
I was just a little buzzed.
Nobody could've stopped in time.
I shouldn't be here.
- No one thinks
they should be here.
- Hey, Im glad you're all here.
We all have things
we keep inside,
Stuff we don't want to share.
By the time we're finished,
I'm hoping we've all grown
into something
Bigger than ourselves.
- Trees grow tall,
and then the trees fall!
- What the...
- But the river...
The river only goes one way.
- Sir,
this is a private meeting.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd moved on.
- Is he part of the program?
- Somebody grab the camera.
I think we just found bigfoot.
- God damn it, s. T.U.M.P.S.
What in the name
of sweet Lorraine
Is going on out here?
Oh, hello, Meeks.
I thought I smelled you.
- (Laughs)
Fire's a fire.
I'm just keeping warm.
That's all.
- You got my invitation
to the party then.
Oh, you know, that's funny,
'Cause I didn't send you one.
Now, I want you to clear out
of here
And stop interrupting
my angry sleep.
I've got this campground
for the next six days,
And that means six days,
I don't see you,
I don't hear you, and I sure as
hell don't want to smell you.
Savvy?
- Yeah.
Well, now,
We all got things
we want to hide,
And we all
just want to be wanted.
(Chuckles)
Oh, and while
you're sleeping tonight,
All nice and cozy,
Look out for them little...
Them little critters,
Because they like to find
a nice little warm spot
To crawl up into, you know...
(Gibbers wildly)
(Laughing)
- Jesus.
- Yahoo!
(Laughs)
- Holy shit.
- You just met
some of the local wildlife.
His name is Meeks...
Lives up here on the mountain.
Pretty sure he's harmless.
- Pretty sure?
- All right, everybody.
Let's get back to the session.
- No, no, no, session's over.
You s. T.U.M.P.S needs to get
some shut-Eye.
0500 comes awfully early
in the morning.
- 5:00?
Is he crazy?
- Move out, s. T.U.M.P.S.
Let's go.
Hit the hay.
- 5:00.
I don't even think my clock
has a five on it.
- We'll continue this later.
- Good night, sister.
- Where have you been?
- Shh.
Shut up and fuck me.
- (Chuckles)
There you go.
Yeah.
- (Giggles)
(Gasps)
- (Clears throat)
You've broken the first rule
of the camp.
If you do it again,
I have to write you up,
And that means you're gone.
- Here.
- So, Trish, out.
Now.
- Thanks.
(Sighs)
- What happened?
- You were snoring.
- Oh, sorry.
- Morning, ladies.
Stop dreaming.
Time to wake up
to the nightmare.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Drop your cocks
and grab your socks.
We're going on a hike!
- Another beautiful day
in paradise, chicken little.
- I hope you enjoyed your
accommodations last evening.
Compared to today,
It's gonna feel like
a five-Star resort.
Today we are going on a hike.
Going off-Road.
We're going to blaze
our own trail.
(Knock on door)
- Wow, this is nice in here.
Fire, mini fridge...
reading material.
A guide to eastern philosophies
and religion?
I'm shocked; you read.
- It's just the next book
I throw on the fire.
- Can you do me a favor
and leave that behind?
You're intimidating enough
without it.
- (Growls)
You happy?
- Yeah.
- Well, good for you.
- Yeah.
- Well, I hope you can keep up.
March.
Move it out.
Move!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Tell me, happy hour,
when you had to walk the line,
Was it left, right, left?
Your field sobriety test,
do you remember?
Or were you too blacked out?
And you.
You like to fight, huh?
When Im done with you,
you'll be able to take on
A whole battalion!
I'm sure
that'll make your daddy proud!
Left, right, left!
Left, right, left!
Do you have two left feet, son?
Left, right, left,
wasted space!
Make a hell of
a ballroom dancer.
Chicken little, Im sorry.
There's no internet out here.
You cannot Google
left, right, left.
Very good, thornbush.
I like your intensity.
Your attitude may actually work
for you out here.
You're gonna repeat after me.
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- Louder!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- it's sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All: it's sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
- Now you're getting it!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All: sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
- a life of crime
is not for me
All: a life of crime
is not for me
- Ill contribute to society
All: Ill contribute
to society
(Adventurous music)
- Move! Move!
Up that hill.
Go! Move!
Go, go, go, go.
Keep up, people, or I will
leave you on this mountain.
Move, move, move!
Up that hill.
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
Navigate through those trunks.
These stumps represent you.
This is what you are.
You are stumps.
You want to grow
into those mighty trees.
That's what you want to be.
- (Gibbers)
(Chuckles)
(Laughing)
(Gibbering)
(Laughs and gibbers)
Your move.
(Laughs)
- All right, s. T.U.M.P.S!
Get across that river.
This is where we'll picnic
for lunch.
Move, move, move!
Please join me for a meal
Prepared by the great state
of Minnesota,
The correctional department,
and my own two loving hands.
(Inhales and exhales sharply)
Not doing too bad.
- For a cube rat.
- Right.
- You wouldn't really
leave me behind, would you?
- Oh, absolutely.
- I'll kill for a burger
and fries right now.
- How about just a shake?
- Yo, this dude's crazy.
I can't do this all week.
I'm out of here.
- I don't know, man.
- You want to be worked
to death?
- I don't want to work at all.
- Who's with me?
- Count me in.
- Where are you gonna go?
Like you could find
your way back.
- We came up here;
we can get back down.
- No one likes this shit,
but it beats jail time.
- Screw you guys.
I'm gonna find a way
out of here.
- This guy's gonna get us all
in trouble.
I know that guy's a hard-Ass,
but look,
If we stick together,
we can get through this thing.
- Man, I hate that fucker.
I'm gonna frag him in his sleep.
- What's that?
Shit.
- Yo, what is this?
- Check it out.
- What is it?
- I don't even know.
Dude, what are you doing?
- Fuckin' "a. "
I'm taking a souvenir.
- Come on, man.
We need to get back
before sergeant hokeypokey
Comes looking for us.
Come on.
(Ominous music)
Hey, check out what we found.
- Where did you get that?
- Big deal.
It's a cow horn.
- Uh, excuse me.
Cows don't have horns.
- Just leave it.
- What?
I'm gonna make a bong
out of this thing.
I got get something
out of this shitty program.
- Hell, yeah.
- That was a living creature.
You shouldn't smoke out of it.
- What?
It's just some old dead cow.
- You mean bull.
- I know, smart-Ass.
- What's going on here?
What is that?
Do you think
this is a scavenger hunt?
It's not.
I know you, boy,
All strut and no gut.
Well, it looks like some of you
didn't enjoy your lunch.
Isn't that a pity?
Do me a favor.
Clean up after yourselves now.
We are moving out.
Move out!
Open your ears!
Moving!
Move!
- Get all your things.
Remember, leave only footprints.
Zack, get your sandwich, please.
(Ominous music)
- Howdy, sheriff.
- Ronny, how you doing?
- Fine.
- Budd, you get the game
on that thing?
- Nah, nothing exciting happens
in this small town.
What can I pour you, sheriff?
- A little early, Budd.
- Early?
That never stopped me.
- Dad.
He's on duty.
- I'm just trying to make
the place a little profit.
- Wish you would've tried that
before you sold me this place.
- Oh...
- Say, Mel,
didn't you have a cousin
Who went to that
first offenders program
Up there to cutter's peak?
- That was a niece, yeah.
It's a pretty good program.
Really helped her.
- I just dropped c. B. Off
up there today.
Well, there's
this female counselor up there...
She seemed all right...
But what do you know
About this instructor,
this sergeant Hoke guy?
- Abner Hoke?
That guy's crazy.
He ought to be in jail.
He killed a kid up there
last year.
- Killed a kid?
Are you serious?
- Yup.
They worked him to death.
- Hey, dad, can you go wait
on the other customers?
- They already got fresh drinks.
- Are these fucking quarters
up there?
- You're fucking cheating.
- Chill out.
- No, I mean
the paying customers over there.
- Hello.
- I'm going.
I'm headed that way.
Relax.
Just relax.
- Is that really what happened?
- No.
Look, a kid got heat stroke,
But, you know,
he had a heart condition
That no one knew about,
and he's okay now.
I'm sure c. B. Will be fine.
- Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
Just being a little
overprotective, I guess.
- Just a little bit.
- Well, thanks, Mel.
I'll see you around.
- Hey, ray.
Why don't you stop by
after work and have a drink?
On the house.
- You know, that's no way
to turn a profit.
- Oh.
(Chuckles)
- If you can't keep up,
Ill leave you behind.
- Move out, s. T.U.M.P.S.
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.
- (Growls)
(Heavy footsteps and breathing)
(Growling inquisitively)
(Roaring)
- Is that a mountain lion?
- I don't think so.
- Mountain lions
are not my list today.
Move out!
- (Roaring)
- Hey!
Chicken little, give me that.
That's mine.
- (Laughs)
(Heavy footsteps and breathing)
- All right, s. T.U.M.P.S,
we can soft peddle it from here.
It's approximately three miles
back to the cabin.
It'll take 43 minutes,
28 seconds.
- Thank you for that
very important piece of info.
- And sunset will be in t-Minus
42 minutes and 110 hours.
(Phone beeps)
- (Laughs)
(Beeps)
- Hey, I got one.
(Pounding noise in distance)
(Noise approaching)
(Heavy footsteps)
- What?
- (Growls)
- Run!
All: oh!
- (Groans)
- (Whimpering)
- (Growling)
- Shit.
- Run! Run!
Move out! Run!
Move out! Move out!
- Come on!
- (Growling)
- (Grunts)
- (Roars)
(Growling)
Quick now!
Back to the cabin!
Move, move, move, move, move!
- Come on.
- Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Hurry up.
- Let's go.
- (Panting)
- Hey, look out.
Move, move, move, move, move.
No, no, no, no, ladies,
don't stop now.
We're almost home.
We're almost home.
Oh!
Go, go!
- (Screams)
- (Grunts)
- (Growls)
- (Yelps)
(Grunts)
Sam, no! No!
You go get those kids
off this mountain!
Get back to the cabin!
Now!
Now!
Hey.
Hey!
Yeah, you.
When I get up, I swear to god,
Ill shove that ax handle
So far up your ass
you're gonna shit splinters
Till Christmas!
- What the hell was that thing?
- Come on, Rosa.
Come on, come on.
I know you're hurt,
but we got to keep moving.
Come on.
- This way.
This way.
Go.
- Which way do we go?
- Where's sergeant Hoke?
- This way.
- Shit.
- Go, go.
(Dramatic music)
- It's locked!
(Door rattling)
- Look out.
Look out!
Come on.
Get inside.
It's still out there.
Come on.
Come on!
- What was that thing?
- Es el demonio.
It's the devil.
(All panting)
- Where's Hoke?
What happened to Hoke?
- That thing got him; he's dead.
- Well, that's just great.
That's just great.
What are we gonna do now?
- We got to get out of here.
- Everybody, calm down.
We'll get through this.
- Okay, lady, what's the plan?
- The van.
We should get the van.
- Good idea.
- Sergeant Hoke has the keys.
- Well, that's just perfect.
We can't stay here.
This is not gonna protect us.
- Zack, get it together.
- Who put you in charge?
This isn't a therapy session.
- I can hot-Wire it.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Okay, okay.
C.B., find some weapons.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
- Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
(Twigs snap)
(Grunts)
Okay.
- I don't see 'em.
Can you see 'em?
(Suspenseful music)
- Hurry.
Hurry.
(Electricity crackling)
- It's not working.
- Come on, let's go.
- I just need more time.
(Groans)
I almost had it.
- They're coming back.
- What happened?
- I can't do it.
I just need more time.
- Oh, shit.
We're screwed.
That was our only way out.
What are we gonna do now?
I got to get out of here.
He's gonna come back.
He'll come back!
- (Panting hoarsely)
(Growling)
- Zack, let me see your hand.
- You don't need to see my hand.
- You're bleeding.
You cut yourself.
(Cloth rips)
- Thank you.
- (Yells)
(Gibbering with fright)
(Knocking on door)
Door... Open the door!
- It's Meeks.
- Let me in!
- Crazy old guy?
- If he's here,
then maybe the devil is gone.
- Get him in.
There's a maniac out there.
- Let me in!
Oh.
What the hell did you do?
- We didn't do anything.
- I'm gonna tell you something.
Now, you young uns's
been messing with something
You ought not have.
Now, this... You brought this
on yourself!
Now, I warned you.
Now, what the hell did you do?
He's mad as hell.
I ain't never seen him
so riled up.
- Wait a second.
We found this.
- Oh.
This is bad.
Now, this is very,
very, very bad.
- So tell us
what we're up against.
- Well...
(Sighs)
I guess you heard
all that nonsense about him,
Dragging his ax and making the grand canyon
And his footprints
making the great lakes.
- Paul Bunyan.
You're telling us
that's Paul Bunyan out there.
- Back in late 1800s,
There was a gentleman
by the name
Of captain larch Bunyan.
Now, he was a lumber baron
in these parts.
He married this woman, Helga.
She's new in town
And ain't nobody knew
from where.
Well, Helga,
she was ripe with child.
Well, she gave birth
To this big,
giant bodacious baby.
The doctor said,
"Well, this child
has a rare disease
Or a rare blessing depending
on how you look at it.
"Now, he's gonna be at least
twice as big
"As a normal man
"And gonna live
three times as long,
But he's always gonna have
the mind of a child. "
Of a child.
Well, by the time
he was five years old,
He was six-Foot-Tall,
still growing.
Now, young Bunyan was working
the lumberyards here
In this area.
He was... He was bringing down
them big old oak trees
With just three whacks
of that ax.
Of course all the competition
and everything
With the lumberjacks,
you know,
He won it all at the festivals
and the fairs and whatnot,
You know, hands down.
Well,
You see, them lumberjacks
had cut down so many trees
That the food
was getting scarce.
Animals were running off
to the high country.
Now, at this particular camp,
this foreman bill and his men
Were out hunting for a meal.
Well, snow come early
that year,
And death was in the air.
Now, the men
were following the tracks
Of this wounded animal
through the snow,
And that's when they came upon
Bunyans beloved friend,
Babe the blue ox.
Now, babe had wandered off
and stepped himself
In a big bear trap.
He was maimed, and he was weak,
And he couldn't find
his way home.
But the loggers, they found him.
- There he is,
Up behind that bush.
- What's he doing way up here?
- He's lost.
- No, he's dinner.
(Babe roars)
(Roars)
- Oh, shit!
(Guns cock)
- Back off.
I got him.
(Gunshot)
(Babe roars)
- Foreman bill shot babe
right between the eyes,
Killed him deader
than a dinosaur.
- Elmer, fire up the grill.
We're eating big tonight, buddy.
- Right, boss.
(Indistinct chatter)
- Bunyan, he went out looking
for babe,
And he found him.
And of course, he was too late.
- (Growls)
- The loggers had roasted up
babe's carcass,
And they were feasting on him
like he was a Christmas dinner.
- (Growling)
No.
- So when Bunyan saw what
they did to his best friend...
Well, the only friend
he'd ever had in whole world...
Well, he just went berserk.
He just got that ax
and just sliced them,
Every damn one of them
lumberjacks.
- (Screams)
- He killed 10 if he killed 40.
Whack! Whack! Whack!
- (Screams)
- Whack! Whack!
- (Screams)
- Whack!
- Die!
- Whack! Whack!
- No!
- Whack!
Why, he just made them kindling.
- (Screams)
- Foreman bill,
Oh, he got the worst of it.
Cut him such small pieces
that the coyotes had a hard time
Trying to find something
to carry away.
When Bunyan came to his senses,
He went and hid
until the snow melted,
And then he ran and he ran.
But the town-Folk,
they hunted him down,
Then caught up with him,
And they chained him up,
And they dragged him
through the town,
Back through the streets
for everybody to see.
The town-Folks,
they spit on him.
He was humiliated, embarrassed,
red-Faced.
Even Maybelle,
who Bunyan was sweet on,
She... She turned away.
- (Growling)
- They dragged him
through the forest...
- (screaming)
- Tossed Bunyan
in an old mine shaft
Loaded with dynamite.
One of them lumberjacks
lit a match.
(Imitates fuse lighting)
Ka-Boom!
(Explosions)
Sealed that mine shaft forever.
Well, then they made up
nonsense about...
(chuckles)
Paul Bunyan, the lumberjack,
You know, so they can keep
the prosperity going.
You know?
Well, memories fade.
People die.
People forget.
And you don't know when or who
or what happened back then.
(Chuckling)
I do.
I always knew.
That old mine shaft,
it couldn't hold him.
No, no, no, he escaped.
Bunyan, he escaped.
He made his way up
into the mountains,
Up into the high country,
And he took
babe's sacred remains with him.
And at the top of that mountain,
He made a shrine
to his only true friend.
Bunyan lived there undisturbed,
And he grew and he grew
bigger, bigger,
Alone, keeping to himself,
Keeping away from civilization.
He had a pretty good life
up there,
That is, until you went
and fouled babe's grave site.
You desecrated the resting place
Of Bunyans only friend.
- So we're stuck here.
- Hey, ain't nobody going
no place
Until you all put babe's horn
back where it belongs.
- We're not going back
out there.
He'll kill us.
- It's the only chance
y'all got.
(Dramatic music)
- No, Zack!
No, Zack, come back!
- Here!
Take it back!
This is what you want!
I'm the one who took it!
Take it back!
And leave them alone!
- Zack, get in here now!
- No, Zack!
No, no!
(Cries)
- (Gargling)
- (Crying)
- Come on.
- No!
- Get back.
- No!
- (Growling)
(Gunshots)
- No, please, Im sorry.
No, no, no, no.
(Screaming)
- (Crying)
no, no, no.
- What are you doing?
- I'm making something to eat.
- I just lost another kid.
- Yeah, well,
Im sorry for your loss.
That boy maybe just saved
all our hides.
Well, got his horn back.
Let him settle.
We get out of here first light.
(Mumbling)
- Tell my daughter I love her.
- Don't say that.
- I promised her
I was gonna pick her up
And get her from that place
And I was never
gonna leave her again.
(Crying) I promised her.
Marty.
- You're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
- You're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
- Here.
Like this.
Guess that's the benefit
of your dad being the sheriff.
You learn things.
I never told my dad
I loved him
Before he dropped me off.
- He knows,
And you're gonna get a chance
to tell him.
- Are we gonna make it
out of here?
- Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
- (Breathing hoarsely)
(Laughs)
- Sheriff Tanner, come in.
- Yeah, go ahead, Debbie.
- We have another bear sighting.
Hiker saw it a couple days ago.
Sheriff, can you swing on up
to cutter's peak?
- Yeah, actually,
Im in the area.
I'll go check it out.
- In the area?
What are you doing way up there,
sheriff?
- I'm on a sightseeing trip.
- Sightseeing?
- Hey, listen,
Ill be back later today.
I'll go check it out.
Tanner out.
- There was a reason
why Bunyan saved you
And split some of your friends
like two halves of a peach.
You know who you are?
You're the spitting image
of the little lady
That broke Bunyans heart.
(Paper rustling)
My great-Aunt Maybelle.
You know
what they would do to him
If they found him out there.
You know.
(Whispering)
you got a second chance.
You got a second chance.
Don't you let him down.
- It's time.
- I'll get the truck.
Stay right here.
- Maybe we should go with you.
- No, no, no.
You stay here.
Stay here.
I'm safer that way.
It's okay.
It's okay.
(Flies buzzing)
- Oh, my god.
(Wings flapping)
Dispatch, this is Tanner.
Can you read me?
Come in.
Debbie, can you read?
Come on in, over.
Damn.
(Suspenseful music)
Dispatch, can you read?
This is Tanner.
I need assistance
on the mountain.
We need help.
I'm at the fire tower.
Send backup.
If you can read me,
send backup.
(Radio whining and crackling)
Debbie, can you read me?
(Mysterious music)
(Loud crashing)
- (Roars)
(Growls)
(Glass shattering)
(Crashing)
- (Yells)
- Don't leave me!
No!
(Whimpers)
- (Growls painfully)
- (Grunts)
- Marty.
(Screaming)
- Rosa!
- (Shrieking)
Marty! Marty!
(Crying)
Marty!
(Crying)
Marty!
(Screaming)
(Gunshot)
- (Yells)
- Rosa.
- (Roars)
(Growling)
- You killed her,
you motherfucker!
I'll kill you!
I'll kill you, you monster!
Come and get me!
Come on!
Come on!
- No, come on.
- (Growls)
(Growls)
- Hey, ugly.
- Hmm?
- Dad.
(Gunshot)
- (Growling)
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
- Yes!
Killed that motherfucker.
- You okay, babe?
- I knew you'd come.
- All right.
We got to keep moving.
Those tranqs won't last long.
Let's go.
C.B., give her a hand.
- Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
We got to keep moving, guys.
- Are you okay?
- Don't you understand?
He's just a boy.
They want to take him away
from me,
And I can't let them do that.
- We're getting out of here,
old man.
- I can't let you go.
Drop that rifle, sheriff.
I'm gonna fill them
full of buckshot.
- No!
- No, Marty, stop!
(Gunshot)
- Damn.
- (Gasping)
- Ah, ah, ah,
not today, sheriff.
- Is it bad?
Is it bad?
I can't breathe.
- Let's go.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
(Chuckles)
Sorry, Maybelle...
but you ought not have shunned
Bunyan back there in 1894.
The end of the line there,
sweetie pie.
- You're history, old man.
- (Growls)
- History's the only future
I got here.
- (Laughs)
(Roars)
- We got to go.
Let's go.
Come on, go, go, go!
- (Roars)
- Truck's down this way.
Let's hurry.
Get in.
Hurry.
(Dramatic music)
You drive.
There's no time to argue.
You can do it, babe.
(Engine turns over)
(Tires squealing)
Faster! Faster!
Let's go.
Come on, go.
Go, go!
(Gunshots)
- (Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Yells)
(Growls)
(Gunshots)
(Gunshot)
(Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
(Yells)
- Come on, we got to go.
Go!
- Go, go.
- Whoa!
- Faster.
- I know!
(Tires screeching)
- (Yells)
(Tires screeching)
- Hold on.
- Go left.
(Tires screech)
(Grunts)
(Intense music)
- (Screams)
Dad, look out!
- (Growling)
(Tires screeching)
- (Screams)
- (Yells)
(Grunts)
- Dad.
Dad.
Are you okay?
- We got to go.
Come on.
Come on!
- Okay, let's go.
Go to the road.
- (Screams)
- Get onto the bridge.
Let's head for the bridge.
Go!
- (Growls)
Faster! Faster!
Get to the door!
Come on, keep going.
Keep going, let's go.
We got to make it
through the door.
Both: it's locked.
- Get back.
(Gunfire)
(Men clamoring)
- Sheriff.
(Guns cocking)
- (Growling)
(Gunshot)
- Hey, you big son of a bitch.
Pick on somebody your own size.
- (Growls)
(Growling)
- Get him, men.
Shoot him.
- Get down.
(Gunfire)
- (Growling weakly)
(Gunfire)
(Groans)
(Yells)
(Gunfire)
- Hold your fire, men!
- (Panting softly)
(Rasping incoherently)
Maybelle.
Maybelle!
(Crying)
(All cheering)
(Hooting and whooping)
- Are you okay?
Anyone hurt?
- No, we're all okay.
How'd you know where to find us?
- Oh, my dad picked up the call
on the scanner.
- Thanks, Budd.
- Well, it took a little time
to gather the boys,
But we got here.
- You got here just in time.
- Dude, did you see
my kill shot?
Pow!
Right between the eyes!
- No, you didn't.
That was my shot.
- Bullshit, I got him.
- Will you listen to those guys?
- Judging by the ears
and the slope of the forehead,
I'd say
it was your cousin Elroy!
- Screw you!
(Laughter)
- It's definitely bigfoot.
- No, that's sasquatch.
- You stupid son of a bitch.
That's the same thing.
- It's not bigfoot.
It's not the mothman.
It's not Frankenstein.
It's not the jersey devil.
That's Paul Bunyan!
- Hey, we could put that
in front of the bar.
- No, mm-Mm.
- Hey, men.
Come here and give me hand
with this ax.
- It's over.
Come on, baby.
Let's go home.
- There's stories,
and there's legends.
Somewhere in the middle
lies the truth.
(Folk guitar music)
- now way up
in the wildness
of them Minnesota woods
there lived a boy
who swung an ax
and, man, he slung it good
he tried to help his people
but they killed
his only friend
and it drove him down
to meanness and sin
well, it drove him down
to meanness and sin
well,
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
a boy into a monster
took a whole damn town
to raise
cut and beat and chained up
then they buried him away
they kept the secret hidden
by the righteous light
of day
then they told
a fancy legend
so the logger camps
would stay
they told a fancy legend
so the logger camps
would stay
well,
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
and now a sleeping giant
wakes and rises
an ax blade is sharpened
through and through
vengeance comes in many shapes
and sizes
the tallest of all tales
is coming true
the tallest of all tales
is finally true
the evils of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
this here is the ballad
of Paul Bunyan
- Oh, much obliged, ma'am.
That... Oh, that looks so tasty.
- Oh, you're so welcome.
Smells wonderful.
- Thank you.
- Hey, about a pot
of hot coffee?
- Coming right up.
- Thank you.
- Hope you brought back
a powerful appetite with you.
Can you believe this snow?
You boys keep working that hard,
You're gonna have
this whole forest chopped.
- Yeah,
maybe we should slow down,
Go half speed.
What do you say, boss?
- You go half speed,
Ill cut you half speed.
- All Im saying is,
It takes some time for these
big trees to grow back.
Don't it?
- Trees are trees.
More people are building
houses now, closer together.
You look at your kitchen window,
You can look
in your neighbor's bedroom.
You take it from me, young man.
The future of this great country
is home ownership.
Now, I want you guys
to get some rest tonight
'Cause tomorrow we're gonna cut
20 acres of god's green timber.
When's this thing gonna be done,
Elmer?
- Chow's ready boss.
Meat's practically falling off
the bone.
- Ain't bad, Elmer.
It ain't too bad.
- Much obliged, boss.
- Save me some.
I'll be back.
- You got another log jam
to take care of, boss?
That's the third time today
for him.
- Well, for a great big bear
of a man,
Boss sure has the itty-Bitty
bowels of a squirrel.
Ring the dinner bell, kid.
Tell the men to come on over.
Chow's ready.
(Metal ringing)
- Smells good, y'all.
(Metal ringing)
(Ominous music)
(Saw buzzing)
- (Growling)
- Hey.
- (Snarls)
(Growls)
- (Pants)
Hey, hey.
- (Snarling)
(Saw buzzing)
(Both growl)
- (Yells)
- (Growling)
- (Yells)
(Screaming)
(Menacing orchestral music)
- (Sighs gruffly)
These monkeys
are gonna get themselves hurt.
- No, not a problem.
We'll be here.
- Miss cow-Wow-Zinkowski?
- Please,
my friends call me Sam.
- Sergeant Hoke,
and I don't have any friends,
So you will address me
as sergeant Hoke.
- Oh...
okay.
- Here they come now.
(Dramatic blues music)
Let's see who we got here.
D.O.C. Number 6-8-2-9-0,
Martin Williams,
Felony robbery.
- Is this really necessary?
- Move it along,
chicken little.
D.O.C. Number 9-0-2-1-1,
Trish gauge, three counts
of assault on a police officer.
Fall in, prairie dog.
D.O.C. Number 2-0-0-6-8,
Zachery Moore,
drug trafficking.
- You can call me Zack.
- I'll be keeping
a real special eye on you.
Move along, wasted space.
D.O.C. Number 1-8-7-5-0,
Rosa villa.
Well, contempt of court.
Couldn't have guessed.
Fall in there, thornbush.
- Hi, ray Tanner,
dropping off my daughter.
- (Sighs)
D.O.C number 1-7-9-0-1,
Claire Tanner,
Drunk driving, bodily injury.
You are late; if you are
trying to get on my good side,
You have failed.
Now, get in line, happy hour.
- Hey, is that thing necessary?
- Well, you never know
who you might run into
In the deep, dark woods.
Toe the line.
That means toes on the line.
(Clears throat)
Yes, this will include you,
wasted space.
Toe the line.
Now, you all have had
the good fortune
To be a part of the state's
first offender program,
What I like to refer to as
the get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.
There's only one problem,
kiddies.
I'm the one
holding all the cards.
And Im sergeant a. Hoke,
And as of right now,
You are all my s. T.U.M.P.S.
All right, s. T.U.M.P.S.
All aboard sergeant Hoke's
happy short bus.
(Door slams)
Get on board.
Double time.
Double time,
or you will be left behind,
And I will fail you.
Move, move, move.
Do you require assistance,
madam?
- She'll be okay.
- Thanks.
(Mouthing)
(Engine turning over)
(Adventurous music)
- You're a cube rat, never spent
any time in the field.
- Not exactly.
I have an office.
Nice refurbished couch,
a great one.
Tea tray.
- Have you ever spent any time
outdoors?
- I spend more time indoors.
Got my master's in social work
With a focus
on criminal justice.
- I don't remember asking
for your resume.
Miss k. Why are you here?
- There's plenty of punishment
built into the system.
I'm here to reform, to help.
- (Chuckles)
Well, shit, Sam.
Me too.
Me too.
- Felony robbery.
Chicken little.
You don't look the type.
- Wait a minute.
I know you.
Internet hacker, stole, like,
12 mil from the government.
- It was only 11.5.
The IRS likes to round shit up.
- What's it like
to spend all that money?
- Yeah, what did you buy?
- Never had a chance
to roll around in it.
Just numbers on a screen.
- You?
Miss badass.
- What?
- Assault a cop three times.
I dig it.
- That's bullshit.
I only punched him once.
- What about you, c. B.?
You doing all right back there?
Need a drink?
(Laughter)
- Nice.
(Laughs)
- S.T.U.M.P., remain seated
while the vehicle is in motion.
This is not a pleasure cruise.
- S.T.U.M.P.S?
- Stupid teenagers
under my protection.
- Technically
they're not all teenagers.
- (Chuckles)
- I'd appreciate it...
And Im sure the other
passengers would too...
If you didn't smoke.
I'm not sure
I approve of your style.
- Well, then this is going
to get interesting.
(Adventurous music)
(Twangy rustic music)
(Mysterious music)
Miss k. Welcome to my world.
- This is gonna be interesting.
- S.T.U.M.P.S, get off the bus.
- This is where we're staying?
- This place is a pile.
- (Sighs)
- S.T.U.M.P.S, toe the line.
You are all here
because you have made choices
That most people would describe
As piss-Poor.
The courts have given you
this one last chance
To get your shit together,
Or your shit
will get pushed in in prison.
- (Chuckles)
- Today you are all s. T.U.M.P.S,
But when I am through with you,
You will have grown
into trees...
and productive members
of society.
Miss k.
- Hi.
We're gonna have a great week.
There will be
physical challenges
Led by sergeant Hoke,
And Ill be continuing
our counseling sessions here.
By the end of the week,
we hope this experience
Inspires you to make changes
in your life
And better choices.
- I choose to go somewhere else.
- Yeah, I don't want to stay
in that dump for a week.
- Shut it!
S.T.U.M.P.S don't stay
in the cabin.
S.T.U.M.P.S stay outside.
S.T.U.M.P.S, set up the tents
by the campfire circle.
Move out.
Hold on.
- I'm not sharing a tent
with you.
- Oh, I know.
I'll be sleeping in the cabin.
- What?
- I'm not here
to share anything,
Least of all hardships.
I may not have a fancy degree,
But s-G-T,
It's got its privileges.
(Bear panting)
(Bear roaring)
(Bones crunch)
(Roars)
(Flesh squishing)
- Several people got shot.
It was a drive-By.
The d. A. Wanted me to testify,
but I couldn't.
I was worried for Myra,
my daughter.
- You have a daughter?
- Yeah.
- Whoa, serious m. I.L.F.- Age.
(Both laugh)
- When I get out of here,
Im gonna get her back.
- Hey, I cut a deal
to get out the bigger fish.
You got busted for talking.
Talking's what saved my ass.
- Figures.
A hood rat like you
selling drugs.
- Hey, I had friends,
and they needed things.
Just so happens
what they needed wasn't legal.
- What you do differently
if you could go back in time?
- Probably invest in Google.
(Laughter)
- Trish, you're up.
- (Scoffs)
There was this bar fight.
Cops showed up.
One of them asked me
what happened,
And the officer behind him
wouldn't stop staring at my ass.
- (Laughs)
- So I popped him.
- Excuse me, ma'am,
but you do have a nice ass.
- (Laughs)
- C.B., it's your turn.
- I was coming back
from a party.
I was a little buzzed.
The car in front of me
ran this red light.
I couldn't stop in time,
and I hit him.
The driver got thrown
from the car.
- You weren't hurt at all?
- Just a little cut on my knee.
The other driver
wasn't hurt either,
But he reeked of booze.
- He was drunk too?
- It was his third offense
for drunk driving.
- Oh.
- He hit three cars in town
Before he ran that light.
- You stopped that guy
from killing someone.
You deserve...
You deserve a medal
rather than being here.
- That's right.
The system is messed up.
It's not fair.
- Well, two d. U.I.S
don't make a right.
She did break the law.
- Screw that.
I would've hired a lawyer.
Sued him for a million.
- A million?
I would've got 12 million.
- My lawyer said it was better
to just plead guilty
Than to fight it.
- And you thought
that was unfair.
- He ran the light.
I was just a little buzzed.
Nobody could've stopped in time.
I shouldn't be here.
- No one thinks
they should be here.
- Hey, Im glad you're all here.
We all have things
we keep inside,
Stuff we don't want to share.
By the time we're finished,
I'm hoping we've all grown
into something
Bigger than ourselves.
- Trees grow tall,
and then the trees fall!
- What the...
- But the river...
The river only goes one way.
- Sir,
this is a private meeting.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd moved on.
- Is he part of the program?
- Somebody grab the camera.
I think we just found bigfoot.
- God damn it, s. T.U.M.P.S.
What in the name
of sweet Lorraine
Is going on out here?
Oh, hello, Meeks.
I thought I smelled you.
- (Laughs)
Fire's a fire.
I'm just keeping warm.
That's all.
- You got my invitation
to the party then.
Oh, you know, that's funny,
'Cause I didn't send you one.
Now, I want you to clear out
of here
And stop interrupting
my angry sleep.
I've got this campground
for the next six days,
And that means six days,
I don't see you,
I don't hear you, and I sure as
hell don't want to smell you.
Savvy?
- Yeah.
Well, now,
We all got things
we want to hide,
And we all
just want to be wanted.
(Chuckles)
Oh, and while
you're sleeping tonight,
All nice and cozy,
Look out for them little...
Them little critters,
Because they like to find
a nice little warm spot
To crawl up into, you know...
(Gibbers wildly)
(Laughing)
- Jesus.
- Yahoo!
(Laughs)
- Holy shit.
- You just met
some of the local wildlife.
His name is Meeks...
Lives up here on the mountain.
Pretty sure he's harmless.
- Pretty sure?
- All right, everybody.
Let's get back to the session.
- No, no, no, session's over.
You s. T.U.M.P.S needs to get
some shut-Eye.
0500 comes awfully early
in the morning.
- 5:00?
Is he crazy?
- Move out, s. T.U.M.P.S.
Let's go.
Hit the hay.
- 5:00.
I don't even think my clock
has a five on it.
- We'll continue this later.
- Good night, sister.
- Where have you been?
- Shh.
Shut up and fuck me.
- (Chuckles)
There you go.
Yeah.
- (Giggles)
(Gasps)
- (Clears throat)
You've broken the first rule
of the camp.
If you do it again,
I have to write you up,
And that means you're gone.
- Here.
- So, Trish, out.
Now.
- Thanks.
(Sighs)
- What happened?
- You were snoring.
- Oh, sorry.
- Morning, ladies.
Stop dreaming.
Time to wake up
to the nightmare.
Good morning, gentlemen.
Drop your cocks
and grab your socks.
We're going on a hike!
- Another beautiful day
in paradise, chicken little.
- I hope you enjoyed your
accommodations last evening.
Compared to today,
It's gonna feel like
a five-Star resort.
Today we are going on a hike.
Going off-Road.
We're going to blaze
our own trail.
(Knock on door)
- Wow, this is nice in here.
Fire, mini fridge...
reading material.
A guide to eastern philosophies
and religion?
I'm shocked; you read.
- It's just the next book
I throw on the fire.
- Can you do me a favor
and leave that behind?
You're intimidating enough
without it.
- (Growls)
You happy?
- Yeah.
- Well, good for you.
- Yeah.
- Well, I hope you can keep up.
March.
Move it out.
Move!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Left! Left!
Left, right, left!
Tell me, happy hour,
when you had to walk the line,
Was it left, right, left?
Your field sobriety test,
do you remember?
Or were you too blacked out?
And you.
You like to fight, huh?
When Im done with you,
you'll be able to take on
A whole battalion!
I'm sure
that'll make your daddy proud!
Left, right, left!
Left, right, left!
Do you have two left feet, son?
Left, right, left,
wasted space!
Make a hell of
a ballroom dancer.
Chicken little, Im sorry.
There's no internet out here.
You cannot Google
left, right, left.
Very good, thornbush.
I like your intensity.
Your attitude may actually work
for you out here.
You're gonna repeat after me.
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- Louder!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- it's sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All: it's sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
- Now you're getting it!
I look ahead,
who do I see?
All: I look ahead,
who do I see?
- sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
All: sergeant Hoke,
that s. O.B.
- a life of crime
is not for me
All: a life of crime
is not for me
- Ill contribute to society
All: Ill contribute
to society
(Adventurous music)
- Move! Move!
Up that hill.
Go! Move!
Go, go, go, go.
Keep up, people, or I will
leave you on this mountain.
Move, move, move!
Up that hill.
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
Navigate through those trunks.
These stumps represent you.
This is what you are.
You are stumps.
You want to grow
into those mighty trees.
That's what you want to be.
- (Gibbers)
(Chuckles)
(Laughing)
(Gibbering)
(Laughs and gibbers)
Your move.
(Laughs)
- All right, s. T.U.M.P.S!
Get across that river.
This is where we'll picnic
for lunch.
Move, move, move!
Please join me for a meal
Prepared by the great state
of Minnesota,
The correctional department,
and my own two loving hands.
(Inhales and exhales sharply)
Not doing too bad.
- For a cube rat.
- Right.
- You wouldn't really
leave me behind, would you?
- Oh, absolutely.
- I'll kill for a burger
and fries right now.
- How about just a shake?
- Yo, this dude's crazy.
I can't do this all week.
I'm out of here.
- I don't know, man.
- You want to be worked
to death?
- I don't want to work at all.
- Who's with me?
- Count me in.
- Where are you gonna go?
Like you could find
your way back.
- We came up here;
we can get back down.
- No one likes this shit,
but it beats jail time.
- Screw you guys.
I'm gonna find a way
out of here.
- This guy's gonna get us all
in trouble.
I know that guy's a hard-Ass,
but look,
If we stick together,
we can get through this thing.
- Man, I hate that fucker.
I'm gonna frag him in his sleep.
- What's that?
Shit.
- Yo, what is this?
- Check it out.
- What is it?
- I don't even know.
Dude, what are you doing?
- Fuckin' "a. "
I'm taking a souvenir.
- Come on, man.
We need to get back
before sergeant hokeypokey
Comes looking for us.
Come on.
(Ominous music)
Hey, check out what we found.
- Where did you get that?
- Big deal.
It's a cow horn.
- Uh, excuse me.
Cows don't have horns.
- Just leave it.
- What?
I'm gonna make a bong
out of this thing.
I got get something
out of this shitty program.
- Hell, yeah.
- That was a living creature.
You shouldn't smoke out of it.
- What?
It's just some old dead cow.
- You mean bull.
- I know, smart-Ass.
- What's going on here?
What is that?
Do you think
this is a scavenger hunt?
It's not.
I know you, boy,
All strut and no gut.
Well, it looks like some of you
didn't enjoy your lunch.
Isn't that a pity?
Do me a favor.
Clean up after yourselves now.
We are moving out.
Move out!
Open your ears!
Moving!
Move!
- Get all your things.
Remember, leave only footprints.
Zack, get your sandwich, please.
(Ominous music)
- Howdy, sheriff.
- Ronny, how you doing?
- Fine.
- Budd, you get the game
on that thing?
- Nah, nothing exciting happens
in this small town.
What can I pour you, sheriff?
- A little early, Budd.
- Early?
That never stopped me.
- Dad.
He's on duty.
- I'm just trying to make
the place a little profit.
- Wish you would've tried that
before you sold me this place.
- Oh...
- Say, Mel,
didn't you have a cousin
Who went to that
first offenders program
Up there to cutter's peak?
- That was a niece, yeah.
It's a pretty good program.
Really helped her.
- I just dropped c. B. Off
up there today.
Well, there's
this female counselor up there...
She seemed all right...
But what do you know
About this instructor,
this sergeant Hoke guy?
- Abner Hoke?
That guy's crazy.
He ought to be in jail.
He killed a kid up there
last year.
- Killed a kid?
Are you serious?
- Yup.
They worked him to death.
- Hey, dad, can you go wait
on the other customers?
- They already got fresh drinks.
- Are these fucking quarters
up there?
- You're fucking cheating.
- Chill out.
- No, I mean
the paying customers over there.
- Hello.
- I'm going.
I'm headed that way.
Relax.
Just relax.
- Is that really what happened?
- No.
Look, a kid got heat stroke,
But, you know,
he had a heart condition
That no one knew about,
and he's okay now.
I'm sure c. B. Will be fine.
- Yeah.
Maybe you're right.
Just being a little
overprotective, I guess.
- Just a little bit.
- Well, thanks, Mel.
I'll see you around.
- Hey, ray.
Why don't you stop by
after work and have a drink?
On the house.
- You know, that's no way
to turn a profit.
- Oh.
(Chuckles)
- If you can't keep up,
Ill leave you behind.
- Move out, s. T.U.M.P.S.
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.
- (Growls)
(Heavy footsteps and breathing)
(Growling inquisitively)
(Roaring)
- Is that a mountain lion?
- I don't think so.
- Mountain lions
are not my list today.
Move out!
- (Roaring)
- Hey!
Chicken little, give me that.
That's mine.
- (Laughs)
(Heavy footsteps and breathing)
- All right, s. T.U.M.P.S,
we can soft peddle it from here.
It's approximately three miles
back to the cabin.
It'll take 43 minutes,
28 seconds.
- Thank you for that
very important piece of info.
- And sunset will be in t-Minus
42 minutes and 110 hours.
(Phone beeps)
- (Laughs)
(Beeps)
- Hey, I got one.
(Pounding noise in distance)
(Noise approaching)
(Heavy footsteps)
- What?
- (Growls)
- Run!
All: oh!
- (Groans)
- (Whimpering)
- (Growling)
- Shit.
- Run! Run!
Move out! Run!
Move out! Move out!
- Come on!
- (Growling)
- (Grunts)
- (Roars)
(Growling)
Quick now!
Back to the cabin!
Move, move, move, move, move!
- Come on.
- Come on.
Come on, let's go.
Hurry up.
- Let's go.
- (Panting)
- Hey, look out.
Move, move, move, move, move.
No, no, no, no, ladies,
don't stop now.
We're almost home.
We're almost home.
Oh!
Go, go!
- (Screams)
- (Grunts)
- (Growls)
- (Yelps)
(Grunts)
Sam, no! No!
You go get those kids
off this mountain!
Get back to the cabin!
Now!
Now!
Hey.
Hey!
Yeah, you.
When I get up, I swear to god,
Ill shove that ax handle
So far up your ass
you're gonna shit splinters
Till Christmas!
- What the hell was that thing?
- Come on, Rosa.
Come on, come on.
I know you're hurt,
but we got to keep moving.
Come on.
- This way.
This way.
Go.
- Which way do we go?
- Where's sergeant Hoke?
- This way.
- Shit.
- Go, go.
(Dramatic music)
- It's locked!
(Door rattling)
- Look out.
Look out!
Come on.
Get inside.
It's still out there.
Come on.
Come on!
- What was that thing?
- Es el demonio.
It's the devil.
(All panting)
- Where's Hoke?
What happened to Hoke?
- That thing got him; he's dead.
- Well, that's just great.
That's just great.
What are we gonna do now?
- We got to get out of here.
- Everybody, calm down.
We'll get through this.
- Okay, lady, what's the plan?
- The van.
We should get the van.
- Good idea.
- Sergeant Hoke has the keys.
- Well, that's just perfect.
We can't stay here.
This is not gonna protect us.
- Zack, get it together.
- Who put you in charge?
This isn't a therapy session.
- I can hot-Wire it.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Okay, okay.
C.B., find some weapons.
- Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
- Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
(Twigs snap)
(Grunts)
Okay.
- I don't see 'em.
Can you see 'em?
(Suspenseful music)
- Hurry.
Hurry.
(Electricity crackling)
- It's not working.
- Come on, let's go.
- I just need more time.
(Groans)
I almost had it.
- They're coming back.
- What happened?
- I can't do it.
I just need more time.
- Oh, shit.
We're screwed.
That was our only way out.
What are we gonna do now?
I got to get out of here.
He's gonna come back.
He'll come back!
- (Panting hoarsely)
(Growling)
- Zack, let me see your hand.
- You don't need to see my hand.
- You're bleeding.
You cut yourself.
(Cloth rips)
- Thank you.
- (Yells)
(Gibbering with fright)
(Knocking on door)
Door... Open the door!
- It's Meeks.
- Let me in!
- Crazy old guy?
- If he's here,
then maybe the devil is gone.
- Get him in.
There's a maniac out there.
- Let me in!
Oh.
What the hell did you do?
- We didn't do anything.
- I'm gonna tell you something.
Now, you young uns's
been messing with something
You ought not have.
Now, this... You brought this
on yourself!
Now, I warned you.
Now, what the hell did you do?
He's mad as hell.
I ain't never seen him
so riled up.
- Wait a second.
We found this.
- Oh.
This is bad.
Now, this is very,
very, very bad.
- So tell us
what we're up against.
- Well...
(Sighs)
I guess you heard
all that nonsense about him,
Dragging his ax and making the grand canyon
And his footprints
making the great lakes.
- Paul Bunyan.
You're telling us
that's Paul Bunyan out there.
- Back in late 1800s,
There was a gentleman
by the name
Of captain larch Bunyan.
Now, he was a lumber baron
in these parts.
He married this woman, Helga.
She's new in town
And ain't nobody knew
from where.
Well, Helga,
she was ripe with child.
Well, she gave birth
To this big,
giant bodacious baby.
The doctor said,
"Well, this child
has a rare disease
Or a rare blessing depending
on how you look at it.
"Now, he's gonna be at least
twice as big
"As a normal man
"And gonna live
three times as long,
But he's always gonna have
the mind of a child. "
Of a child.
Well, by the time
he was five years old,
He was six-Foot-Tall,
still growing.
Now, young Bunyan was working
the lumberyards here
In this area.
He was... He was bringing down
them big old oak trees
With just three whacks
of that ax.
Of course all the competition
and everything
With the lumberjacks,
you know,
He won it all at the festivals
and the fairs and whatnot,
You know, hands down.
Well,
You see, them lumberjacks
had cut down so many trees
That the food
was getting scarce.
Animals were running off
to the high country.
Now, at this particular camp,
this foreman bill and his men
Were out hunting for a meal.
Well, snow come early
that year,
And death was in the air.
Now, the men
were following the tracks
Of this wounded animal
through the snow,
And that's when they came upon
Bunyans beloved friend,
Babe the blue ox.
Now, babe had wandered off
and stepped himself
In a big bear trap.
He was maimed, and he was weak,
And he couldn't find
his way home.
But the loggers, they found him.
- There he is,
Up behind that bush.
- What's he doing way up here?
- He's lost.
- No, he's dinner.
(Babe roars)
(Roars)
- Oh, shit!
(Guns cock)
- Back off.
I got him.
(Gunshot)
(Babe roars)
- Foreman bill shot babe
right between the eyes,
Killed him deader
than a dinosaur.
- Elmer, fire up the grill.
We're eating big tonight, buddy.
- Right, boss.
(Indistinct chatter)
- Bunyan, he went out looking
for babe,
And he found him.
And of course, he was too late.
- (Growls)
- The loggers had roasted up
babe's carcass,
And they were feasting on him
like he was a Christmas dinner.
- (Growling)
No.
- So when Bunyan saw what
they did to his best friend...
Well, the only friend
he'd ever had in whole world...
Well, he just went berserk.
He just got that ax
and just sliced them,
Every damn one of them
lumberjacks.
- (Screams)
- He killed 10 if he killed 40.
Whack! Whack! Whack!
- (Screams)
- Whack! Whack!
- (Screams)
- Whack!
- Die!
- Whack! Whack!
- No!
- Whack!
Why, he just made them kindling.
- (Screams)
- Foreman bill,
Oh, he got the worst of it.
Cut him such small pieces
that the coyotes had a hard time
Trying to find something
to carry away.
When Bunyan came to his senses,
He went and hid
until the snow melted,
And then he ran and he ran.
But the town-Folk,
they hunted him down,
Then caught up with him,
And they chained him up,
And they dragged him
through the town,
Back through the streets
for everybody to see.
The town-Folks,
they spit on him.
He was humiliated, embarrassed,
red-Faced.
Even Maybelle,
who Bunyan was sweet on,
She... She turned away.
- (Growling)
- They dragged him
through the forest...
- (screaming)
- Tossed Bunyan
in an old mine shaft
Loaded with dynamite.
One of them lumberjacks
lit a match.
(Imitates fuse lighting)
Ka-Boom!
(Explosions)
Sealed that mine shaft forever.
Well, then they made up
nonsense about...
(chuckles)
Paul Bunyan, the lumberjack,
You know, so they can keep
the prosperity going.
You know?
Well, memories fade.
People die.
People forget.
And you don't know when or who
or what happened back then.
(Chuckling)
I do.
I always knew.
That old mine shaft,
it couldn't hold him.
No, no, no, he escaped.
Bunyan, he escaped.
He made his way up
into the mountains,
Up into the high country,
And he took
babe's sacred remains with him.
And at the top of that mountain,
He made a shrine
to his only true friend.
Bunyan lived there undisturbed,
And he grew and he grew
bigger, bigger,
Alone, keeping to himself,
Keeping away from civilization.
He had a pretty good life
up there,
That is, until you went
and fouled babe's grave site.
You desecrated the resting place
Of Bunyans only friend.
- So we're stuck here.
- Hey, ain't nobody going
no place
Until you all put babe's horn
back where it belongs.
- We're not going back
out there.
He'll kill us.
- It's the only chance
y'all got.
(Dramatic music)
- No, Zack!
No, Zack, come back!
- Here!
Take it back!
This is what you want!
I'm the one who took it!
Take it back!
And leave them alone!
- Zack, get in here now!
- No, Zack!
No, no!
(Cries)
- (Gargling)
- (Crying)
- Come on.
- No!
- Get back.
- No!
- (Growling)
(Gunshots)
- No, please, Im sorry.
No, no, no, no.
(Screaming)
- (Crying)
no, no, no.
- What are you doing?
- I'm making something to eat.
- I just lost another kid.
- Yeah, well,
Im sorry for your loss.
That boy maybe just saved
all our hides.
Well, got his horn back.
Let him settle.
We get out of here first light.
(Mumbling)
- Tell my daughter I love her.
- Don't say that.
- I promised her
I was gonna pick her up
And get her from that place
And I was never
gonna leave her again.
(Crying) I promised her.
Marty.
- You're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
- You're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
- Here.
Like this.
Guess that's the benefit
of your dad being the sheriff.
You learn things.
I never told my dad
I loved him
Before he dropped me off.
- He knows,
And you're gonna get a chance
to tell him.
- Are we gonna make it
out of here?
- Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
- (Breathing hoarsely)
(Laughs)
- Sheriff Tanner, come in.
- Yeah, go ahead, Debbie.
- We have another bear sighting.
Hiker saw it a couple days ago.
Sheriff, can you swing on up
to cutter's peak?
- Yeah, actually,
Im in the area.
I'll go check it out.
- In the area?
What are you doing way up there,
sheriff?
- I'm on a sightseeing trip.
- Sightseeing?
- Hey, listen,
Ill be back later today.
I'll go check it out.
Tanner out.
- There was a reason
why Bunyan saved you
And split some of your friends
like two halves of a peach.
You know who you are?
You're the spitting image
of the little lady
That broke Bunyans heart.
(Paper rustling)
My great-Aunt Maybelle.
You know
what they would do to him
If they found him out there.
You know.
(Whispering)
you got a second chance.
You got a second chance.
Don't you let him down.
- It's time.
- I'll get the truck.
Stay right here.
- Maybe we should go with you.
- No, no, no.
You stay here.
Stay here.
I'm safer that way.
It's okay.
It's okay.
(Flies buzzing)
- Oh, my god.
(Wings flapping)
Dispatch, this is Tanner.
Can you read me?
Come in.
Debbie, can you read?
Come on in, over.
Damn.
(Suspenseful music)
Dispatch, can you read?
This is Tanner.
I need assistance
on the mountain.
We need help.
I'm at the fire tower.
Send backup.
If you can read me,
send backup.
(Radio whining and crackling)
Debbie, can you read me?
(Mysterious music)
(Loud crashing)
- (Roars)
(Growls)
(Glass shattering)
(Crashing)
- (Yells)
- Don't leave me!
No!
(Whimpers)
- (Growls painfully)
- (Grunts)
- Marty.
(Screaming)
- Rosa!
- (Shrieking)
Marty! Marty!
(Crying)
Marty!
(Crying)
Marty!
(Screaming)
(Gunshot)
- (Yells)
- Rosa.
- (Roars)
(Growling)
- You killed her,
you motherfucker!
I'll kill you!
I'll kill you, you monster!
Come and get me!
Come on!
Come on!
- No, come on.
- (Growls)
(Growls)
- Hey, ugly.
- Hmm?
- Dad.
(Gunshot)
- (Growling)
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
- Yes!
Killed that motherfucker.
- You okay, babe?
- I knew you'd come.
- All right.
We got to keep moving.
Those tranqs won't last long.
Let's go.
C.B., give her a hand.
- Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
We got to keep moving, guys.
- Are you okay?
- Don't you understand?
He's just a boy.
They want to take him away
from me,
And I can't let them do that.
- We're getting out of here,
old man.
- I can't let you go.
Drop that rifle, sheriff.
I'm gonna fill them
full of buckshot.
- No!
- No, Marty, stop!
(Gunshot)
- Damn.
- (Gasping)
- Ah, ah, ah,
not today, sheriff.
- Is it bad?
Is it bad?
I can't breathe.
- Let's go.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
(Chuckles)
Sorry, Maybelle...
but you ought not have shunned
Bunyan back there in 1894.
The end of the line there,
sweetie pie.
- You're history, old man.
- (Growls)
- History's the only future
I got here.
- (Laughs)
(Roars)
- We got to go.
Let's go.
Come on, go, go, go!
- (Roars)
- Truck's down this way.
Let's hurry.
Get in.
Hurry.
(Dramatic music)
You drive.
There's no time to argue.
You can do it, babe.
(Engine turns over)
(Tires squealing)
Faster! Faster!
Let's go.
Come on, go.
Go, go!
(Gunshots)
- (Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Yells)
(Growls)
(Gunshots)
(Gunshot)
(Growls)
(Gunshot)
(Gunshot)
(Yells)
- Come on, we got to go.
Go!
- Go, go.
- Whoa!
- Faster.
- I know!
(Tires screeching)
- (Yells)
(Tires screeching)
- Hold on.
- Go left.
(Tires screech)
(Grunts)
(Intense music)
- (Screams)
Dad, look out!
- (Growling)
(Tires screeching)
- (Screams)
- (Yells)
(Grunts)
- Dad.
Dad.
Are you okay?
- We got to go.
Come on.
Come on!
- Okay, let's go.
Go to the road.
- (Screams)
- Get onto the bridge.
Let's head for the bridge.
Go!
- (Growls)
Faster! Faster!
Get to the door!
Come on, keep going.
Keep going, let's go.
We got to make it
through the door.
Both: it's locked.
- Get back.
(Gunfire)
(Men clamoring)
- Sheriff.
(Guns cocking)
- (Growling)
(Gunshot)
- Hey, you big son of a bitch.
Pick on somebody your own size.
- (Growls)
(Growling)
- Get him, men.
Shoot him.
- Get down.
(Gunfire)
- (Growling weakly)
(Gunfire)
(Groans)
(Yells)
(Gunfire)
- Hold your fire, men!
- (Panting softly)
(Rasping incoherently)
Maybelle.
Maybelle!
(Crying)
(All cheering)
(Hooting and whooping)
- Are you okay?
Anyone hurt?
- No, we're all okay.
How'd you know where to find us?
- Oh, my dad picked up the call
on the scanner.
- Thanks, Budd.
- Well, it took a little time
to gather the boys,
But we got here.
- You got here just in time.
- Dude, did you see
my kill shot?
Pow!
Right between the eyes!
- No, you didn't.
That was my shot.
- Bullshit, I got him.
- Will you listen to those guys?
- Judging by the ears
and the slope of the forehead,
I'd say
it was your cousin Elroy!
- Screw you!
(Laughter)
- It's definitely bigfoot.
- No, that's sasquatch.
- You stupid son of a bitch.
That's the same thing.
- It's not bigfoot.
It's not the mothman.
It's not Frankenstein.
It's not the jersey devil.
That's Paul Bunyan!
- Hey, we could put that
in front of the bar.
- No, mm-Mm.
- Hey, men.
Come here and give me hand
with this ax.
- It's over.
Come on, baby.
Let's go home.
- There's stories,
and there's legends.
Somewhere in the middle
lies the truth.
(Folk guitar music)
- now way up
in the wildness
of them Minnesota woods
there lived a boy
who swung an ax
and, man, he slung it good
he tried to help his people
but they killed
his only friend
and it drove him down
to meanness and sin
well, it drove him down
to meanness and sin
well,
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
a boy into a monster
took a whole damn town
to raise
cut and beat and chained up
then they buried him away
they kept the secret hidden
by the righteous light
of day
then they told
a fancy legend
so the logger camps
would stay
they told a fancy legend
so the logger camps
would stay
well,
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
and now a sleeping giant
wakes and rises
an ax blade is sharpened
through and through
vengeance comes in many shapes
and sizes
the tallest of all tales
is coming true
the tallest of all tales
is finally true
the evils of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
the sins of the fathers
will be paid for by the sons
this here
is the ballad of Paul Bunyan
this here is the ballad
of Paul Bunyan