Babezilla vs the Cyber Skanks: Rise of MechaBabezilla (2024) Movie Script
(ominous music)
Thoughts again, wired thoughts
System overload, all data lost
No function, let's test the night
It's so lovely to then override
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
- Oh, hi.
So nice to see you guys
again. I've got some big news.
So you remember when I saved the world
and defeated the zombie horde?
Devils of death, the walking undead
I'm thinking about death
I'm warning you it's
the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
Battle to the death
with the walking undead
Decapitation as we
thinking about death
I'm walking at the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
Battle to the death
with the walking undead
Decapitation as we
thinking about death
I'm walking at the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
The end is near, the
apocalypse arrives
The dead have risen,
somehow I survived
It's been a long time and
I'm feeling really lonely
I'm gonna stack a couple from
the horde to be my homies
Alas, the game is survival
But a man has needs and
these needs are primal
This time I made my move,
you can do this, Michael
You're the last one alive
You're the king, it's rightful
They ramble through the
town in states of undress
I'm barely even mad,
I'm kind of impressed
All their bare asses
and uncovered breasts
What's the worst that can happen
They could eat my flesh
I mean, there really
isn't any anything to lose
Because I've had enough of this planet
- Super queef cannon.
(laser firing)
(explosion roars)
Well, the story spread far
and wide across all the land.
I got totally famous,
over a million followers
on all my socials.
And with the money that I got
from the president rubbing my feet,
I was able to stop stripping
and follow my real passion.
I'm now a porn star.
- Zilla, babe, you look beautiful.
- That's the director, Jack Offerton.
So which swinging hunk am I using today?
- Ah, well we have a very
important co-star for you today.
His name is Chad Stephenson.
He also happens to be
the executive producer
on this little skin flick we got here.
Hey Brick, get me Chad.
- Geez, man, you don't gotta yell.
I got this thing cranked up
so I can get all the good
macaroni noises, you know.
I'll get him.
Hey Chad, we're ready for you.
- Let's do this before
these pills wear off
and I lose this wood.
- Jack, shouldn't we be using
a professional actor for this?
- Chad is a professional.
But listen, guys, they want to see
a regular looking schlob like him get
with a beautiful woman like you.
- You know, just because I'm a sex worker
doesn't mean I'm a hooker.
You can't just sell me
to the highest bidder.
- Listen, this business is rough, babe.
Sometimes you just gotta
take it in the ass.
I mean, if this movie makes some money,
I'll see you about getting
you some oily beefcake
in the next one, all right?
All right, everybody, places.
- I can smell his balls from here.
You owe me, Jack.
- [Brick] Hot Sweaty Funk Junk.
Scene one, take one.
(clapperboard clacks)
- And action.
- Hey there, stud.
You here to give me
that hot, sweaty funk junk
I ordered from room service?
- Yeah, whatever. Open
up that stench trench.
I'm in a hurry.
(Chad and Zilla moaning)
- Oh my god.
- Oh yeah. I'm really giving it to you.
- Shut your mouth.
(mellow music)
- Your special assistants
have arrived, Dr. Stephenson.
- Oh yes. Thank you, Ms. Tiggolbitties.
Send them on in.
Welcome, ladies.
As you may have heard,
Macro Hard is developing
a special top secret robotics program,
a program in which all of you are going
to be playing a very important role in.
You ladies will be working
very closely with myself
as well as my associate,
Dr. Stephen Cornwallace.
- Hello, skanks.
I am Dr. Cornwallace.
You have already met my
assistant, Dr. Stephenson,
who happens to be a
brilliant, brilliant doctor
in the world of technology and robotics.
After all his work on the
Tickle Me Anal Project
back in Japan is the stuff of legend.
But I however, am a doctor of surgery
for I am a world class surgeon.
Yes, I can cut and stitch
like the son of a bitch.
It would blow your little sticky minds
of what I could do with just two hands
and 10 and a half fingers.
Anyways, you might be wondering,
what would a top class
company like Micro Hard need
with a lonely little surgeon like myself?
Well, shut up. I'll tell ya.
Because ladies, listen here, you, you
and yes, even you, yes, especially you,
you all are going to
be part of the future.
Yes, because you are going
to be the first ever human
skanks to be enhanced
with cyber skank technology.
Yes. Yes.
Once me and Dr. Stephenson
get done with y'all,
oh, you're going to be able
to run faster, jump higher, screw longer,
and most importantly,
you're going to be able
to kill, kill, kill more efficiently.
- That sounds really dangerous.
- I did not sign up for any surgeries.
- Like, do we get paid
sick leave for this?
- Ladies, ladies, take it easy.
All your questions will
be answered very shortly
and your pretty little
minds will be put at ease.
Now, if you all just go ahead
and take a look at this.
(Wipe neuralizer whirs)
Thank you.
- Oh, the old mind wipe neuralizer trick.
Epstein's favorite toy.
- Yeah, not quite. This ain't
your daddy's neuralizer.
This one's different. It
doesn't just wipe the mind.
What it does is it turns the brain
into a creamy pile of pistachio pudding.
- I love pistachio pudding.
That's my favorite.
Next to banana, of course.
But these ladies skanks,
they won't be needing
their brains for long,
because once he replaced
their empty little noggins
with your super computer technology,
oh, it is game on.
- Oh yeah, and now with
our three cyber skanks
and Mecha you know who,
our plan for revenge will begin.
We will finally be able
to get back at Babezilla
for what she did to our twin brothers.
They will not have died in vain.
- Yes, indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
(Stephenson and Cornwallace laugh)
- (indistinct)
- Carry on.
Ms. Tiggolbitties, have these
women go to the surgery room
and prep them for operation.
And when you're done there,
I want you to come back
to my office for a little slap piddle.
- Right away, doctor.
Come on, ladies.
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(people chattering)
- Good afternoon, everyone.
I'm Chet Chesterton with WRUN
News coming to you today live
from the Babezilla meet and greet.
All these people have been
waiting patiently in line
for over six hours
to meet the beautiful buxom superhero.
Let's go ahead and see what
some of our citizens have to say
when they finally meet Babezilla.
Hello. Are you here to meet Babezilla?
- Yeah, I want to know
if it like feels good
when the lasers come out of
her nipples and her hoo-ha
or like if it burns, you know.
- What do you plan to
say when you meet her?
- I just want to get close
enough to smell her hair.
- Like, well, I guess it's safe to say
that she's got her hands
full with this crowd.
I've just received word
that Babezilla has arrived
and will be out momentarily.
(people cheering)
- Are you sure this is a good idea, Jack?
I'm feeling kind of off sunset scene today
and my boobs feel weird.
Something's just not right.
And I think I'm about to lay an egg.
- Listen, it is gonna be fine.
We're gonna go in there.
You're gonna sign a couple autographs.
You're gonna take a couple of pictures.
Bing bang boom.
We're gonna both walk out
of this a little bit richer, all right?
- Okay.
(people cheering)
- Babezilla!
- Babezilla! Babezilla!
- Oh my god, fuck, it's
really you Babezilla.
You are my fucking biggest hero.
I love you so fucking much.
I can't believe I'm meeting you.
Please sign my boobs.
- Wow. Those are some nice honkers.
Oh, what the fuck?
That's my biggest fan.
You're gonna pay for that, bitch.
(Babezilla screams)
- Wrong move, cyber skank.
(laser fires)
- In a bizarre turn of events,
the meet and greet seems
to have come under attack
by what seems to be cyborg women?
It's a gruesome scene.
But I'm confident
Babezilla will save us all.
(saw buzzing)
- Oh my god.
You killed America's favorite
news guy, Chet Chesterton.
You cunt.
- This is Chet Chesterton
signing off forever.
- Sorry, I'm a hugger.
(laser fires)
Babezilla
Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, babe, babe
Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe
Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, babe, babe
Babezilla
- You cyber skanks are really
starting to piss me off.
(laser fires)
No, it can't be.
(laser fires)
(laser fires)
Stop fucking around.
(lasers fire)
(explosion roars)
- Objective complete.
- Wake up, you lazy bum.
- Mom, am I dead?
- Not yet but you just
got your ass handed to you
by a robot version of yourself.
I came here to give you guidance.
- Why should I listen to
you? You were always so mean.
- I'm a lizard.
That's what I do. I'm cold blooded.
You are so lucky
that I didn't eat you before you hatched.
And your father, he's
this sentiment mammal,
putting these thoughts into your head
about hero shit and ugh.
I did what I could do
to be a loving mother.
I took this human form,
these giant big old hooters
for you to suck on.
I don't even produce milk.
Although I will admit that I did enjoy it
when you were sucking on them.
- Mom, that's embarrassing.
- That's the same thing you said
the last time you sucked on these titties.
You were 16 and your friend
from school caught you.
- Please just tell me what
I need to know and go away.
- All right. Geez.
If you want to defeat the MechaBabezilla,
you must study with the
great cunt fu, Master Beta.
- Where can I find this Master Beta?
- You must seek Master Beta.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
- It's taking forever.
Babezilla phone, give me
directions to Cunt Fu Master Beta.
- Master Beta's Cunt Fu dojo
is five seconds away by foot.
- Oh, that's convenient.
(flute tooting)
- Excuse me, Miss Circus Freak.
Have you seen a kung fu master?
- It is Master Beta which you seek.
- Yes. Have you seen her?
- Why do you seek Master Beta?
- You see, I was at this meet and greet
and I was feeling all types of funky
and these cyber skanks showed up
and started killing all of my fans.
And then this evil robot me showed up
and totally kicked my ass.
I've never been beaten before,
so I was feeling pretty down.
But then my ghost mom appeared and told me
to beat MechaBabezilla, I
should come find Master Beta.
So here I am.
And oh my god, you're her, aren't you?
- In the flesh.
Familiar, I am with your ghost mom.
I totally sucked her titties.
Train you, I shall.
- Great. What are we starting with?
Kicks, punches, five point heart attack?
- First you must
polish this bean.
- [Babezilla] You're kidding, right?
- Master Beta does not kid.
- So what? I just rub
it with this dry rag?
Not gonna lie, I kind of liked
when she spit on my bean.
- No, no, no.
Like this.
Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
Defeated by an evil robot you
But you didn't give up
No, there's still work to do
So you found Master Beta
Now you're learning kung fu
But when you double down that
dog, don't forget to chew
Yeah, yeah
Always chew you food
before you swallow
Always chew you food
before you swallow
Now we're almost to the
end of our mantra song
Are you ready for battle
No, you've only begun
Flaming bananas, polishing beans
Those cyber skanks,
they're really mean
Yeah, you know what I mean
They're really, really mean
The cyber skanks
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
I'm exhausted. Whack on, whack off.
I need a hot shower.
(Master Beta moaning)
- As above, so below.
(liquid trickling)
Namaste.
- That did it.
- Babezilla, is that you?
- [Babezilla] Yes. Sorry, Master Beta.
- No need.
Come in here and let me show
you the flying scissor kick.
Are you sure you're ready?
- Yes, I now know the secret
to defeating MechaBabezilla.
- Then go, you must.
- Thank you, master.
I'll never forget you.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Babezilla speaking.
(audience clapping)
- Hello Babezilla. Thank
goodness you answered.
This is the president.
You may recognize my top secret
CIA Indian golfing disguise.
It has been stuck on
for quite some time now
and I am beginning to accept
that this is the new me.
- It suits you quite well, sir.
- Oh Babezilla, we are
in quite the pickle.
The cyber skanks
and MechaBabezilla are
taking over the world
and killing anyone who resist them.
- [Audience] Boo!
- That bitch is going down. Mr. President.
I've been training in developing
new techniques to beat her.
- Yes, unfortunately we
all saw her defeat you
on a nationwide live television broadcast,
but you are still our only hope.
- I won't let you down again.
This time, it's personal.
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla versus the cyber skanks
The rise of MechaBabezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Kaboom
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla versus the cyber skanks
The rise of MechaBabezilla
Babe, babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, Babezilla
Part Two
- What the fuck?
That's some fucked up shit.
I think I recognize her.
- Time to die, sorry bitch.
- [Babezilla] Oh, you
fucking motherfucker.
(sword clanging)
- (indistinct)
(sword clanging)
- I'll fucking kill you.
- Fuck you. Go back to
hell where you belong.
Go fucking back. Fuck you.
- Die, you whore.
Die!
(indistinct)
- Oh, you bitch.
- You have a boyfriend who's never happy.
(Captain Cut laughs)
- You fight, motherfucker! Fight!
You whore.
- You wish you looked like me, bitch.
(sparks crackling)
- Where are you, bitch? I can smell you.
I know you're in here.
(saw buzzing)
- Right here, bitch. I'll
cut you down like a tree.
- Big money mega fire.
(laser firing)
- Systems compromised.
(Major Mammaries screams)
(sparks crackling)
- Ready or not, here I come.
Peekaboo, you whore.
Too slow.
- Die, you bitch.
Clamps!
I'm gonna get you, you fucking whore.
(sword clanging)
Okay, how about a good old
fashioned titty twister contest?
(Babezilla screams)
(laser fires)
(laser fires)
- I've been waiting for you, Babezilla.
You're a fool to come here.
I've beaten you before
and I'll beat you again.
And this time I'll make
sure to finish the job.
- Talk is cheap and so is your mother.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
You ready to end this,
you shitty knockoff?
- Amusing. Your super queef
cannon is no match for mine.
- Show me what you got, hoe.
- Super queef cannon.
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
(upbeat music)
That takes care of that trash.
Now let's see who made this mess.
- Wait, please, don't kill us.
- Wait, wait, wait.
We surrender. We surrender.
Go ahead, take us to jail.
Take us to jail. We give up.
- What the fuck? Haven't
I killed you two before?
- Get her Steve.
- Uh-oh.
- Get fucked, Steve.
- You killed my favorite Steve.
Oh, I'm going to get
you, you lizard bitch.
(laser fires)
- You no-good drinking fucking loser.
You're nothing good for society.
All you do is make the world a worse place
and the worst part about you
is your dick can never stay hard.
- Lady, normally you'd be right,
but right now, I'm as hard as steel.
- Well no, you're thinking
of our much more grosser
and much more out of shape twin brothers,
Cornelius and Steven.
We, however, are two completely different
and totally, totally original characters.
See, my name is Dr. Cornwallace.
- And I'm Dr. Stephenson.
- So your brother's name
was Cornelius Cornwallace
and Steve Stephenson?
- Yes, I'm afraid this was all for revenge
for you killing our twin brothers,
but things went too far
and they got out of hand.
- Yeah, you know, can't you see?
It was just a simple
little harmless, funny game
of, you know, bloody murderous revenge.
I mean, you get it, you get it.
You're a lizard of the woman of the city.
You know, you get it.
You know, just let us
live though. Let us live.
And, you know, we can get you
some precious information.
- What kind of information?
- How about the name and location
of the man who's really behind
all this, our benefactor?
He helped fund the robotics program for us
and help us create the cyber
skanks and MechaBabezilla
and he took them over though
for his own plans of world domination.
- Who is this fucker?
- His name is...
(head pops)
- You know,
Stephenson, he's a joker.
He's a joker. He's a prankster.
You know, the whole thing
about there being someone
secretly in charge this entire time.
It was a joke, you know,
like a booby shart, you know.
It's funny, it's comedy he was doing.
He's a very funny man, you
know, with or without a head.
He's hilarious. Very hilarious, you know.
Wocka wocka motherfucker, you know,
'cause clearly it was
just me, Dr. Cornwallace
in charge of this whole
thing the entire time
and if anyone is listening in
to this conversation right
now, clearly I am admitting
that it was me alone and
I will totally go to jail
and take the blame for the cyber skanks
and therefore, no reason
for my head to go kaboom.
(head pops)
- Makes my job easier.
Hello, Mr. President, this is Babezilla.
Those cyber skanks are on the junk heap
and won't be bothering anyone anymore.
- Oh, thank you, Babezilla.
What would this world do without you?
You have saved us once again.
I would like to show my gratitude
by giving you not only a lifetime supply
of foot rubs,
but also the key to the US mint
so you can print as much money
as you need whenever you would like.
(laser fires)
- Oh my god, that's amazing.
This will change my life forever.
These boots are killers on your arches.
And that's how I defeated
my greatest foe yet,
MechaBabezilla.
And now with unlimited money,
I can fund all my own pornos
and fuck the hottest guys I want.
- Oh fuck.
Good game.
- Thanks for the cream pie, honey boy.
- Yeah.
- It's your turn, Jack.
- Oh, come on, babe.
Don't do me like that.
- Oh, come on.
This business is rough
and sometimes you just
gotta take it in the ass.
Now do you want to get paid or not?
- Everybody run. There's
shit monsters everywhere.
- Get back, you human.
(Shit monster grunts)
Prepare to get wiped out, Babezilla.
- Oh shit.
Thoughts again, wired thoughts
System overload, all data lost
No function, let's test the night
It's so lovely to then override
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
- [Babezilla] You cyber
skanks are really starting
to piss me off.
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)
Thoughts again, wired thoughts
System overload, all data lost
No function, let's test the night
It's so lovely to then override
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
- Oh, hi.
So nice to see you guys
again. I've got some big news.
So you remember when I saved the world
and defeated the zombie horde?
Devils of death, the walking undead
I'm thinking about death
I'm warning you it's
the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
Battle to the death
with the walking undead
Decapitation as we
thinking about death
I'm walking at the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
Battle to the death
with the walking undead
Decapitation as we
thinking about death
I'm walking at the end of the world
All I see is a zombie
horde of dead girls
The end is near, the
apocalypse arrives
The dead have risen,
somehow I survived
It's been a long time and
I'm feeling really lonely
I'm gonna stack a couple from
the horde to be my homies
Alas, the game is survival
But a man has needs and
these needs are primal
This time I made my move,
you can do this, Michael
You're the last one alive
You're the king, it's rightful
They ramble through the
town in states of undress
I'm barely even mad,
I'm kind of impressed
All their bare asses
and uncovered breasts
What's the worst that can happen
They could eat my flesh
I mean, there really
isn't any anything to lose
Because I've had enough of this planet
- Super queef cannon.
(laser firing)
(explosion roars)
Well, the story spread far
and wide across all the land.
I got totally famous,
over a million followers
on all my socials.
And with the money that I got
from the president rubbing my feet,
I was able to stop stripping
and follow my real passion.
I'm now a porn star.
- Zilla, babe, you look beautiful.
- That's the director, Jack Offerton.
So which swinging hunk am I using today?
- Ah, well we have a very
important co-star for you today.
His name is Chad Stephenson.
He also happens to be
the executive producer
on this little skin flick we got here.
Hey Brick, get me Chad.
- Geez, man, you don't gotta yell.
I got this thing cranked up
so I can get all the good
macaroni noises, you know.
I'll get him.
Hey Chad, we're ready for you.
- Let's do this before
these pills wear off
and I lose this wood.
- Jack, shouldn't we be using
a professional actor for this?
- Chad is a professional.
But listen, guys, they want to see
a regular looking schlob like him get
with a beautiful woman like you.
- You know, just because I'm a sex worker
doesn't mean I'm a hooker.
You can't just sell me
to the highest bidder.
- Listen, this business is rough, babe.
Sometimes you just gotta
take it in the ass.
I mean, if this movie makes some money,
I'll see you about getting
you some oily beefcake
in the next one, all right?
All right, everybody, places.
- I can smell his balls from here.
You owe me, Jack.
- [Brick] Hot Sweaty Funk Junk.
Scene one, take one.
(clapperboard clacks)
- And action.
- Hey there, stud.
You here to give me
that hot, sweaty funk junk
I ordered from room service?
- Yeah, whatever. Open
up that stench trench.
I'm in a hurry.
(Chad and Zilla moaning)
- Oh my god.
- Oh yeah. I'm really giving it to you.
- Shut your mouth.
(mellow music)
- Your special assistants
have arrived, Dr. Stephenson.
- Oh yes. Thank you, Ms. Tiggolbitties.
Send them on in.
Welcome, ladies.
As you may have heard,
Macro Hard is developing
a special top secret robotics program,
a program in which all of you are going
to be playing a very important role in.
You ladies will be working
very closely with myself
as well as my associate,
Dr. Stephen Cornwallace.
- Hello, skanks.
I am Dr. Cornwallace.
You have already met my
assistant, Dr. Stephenson,
who happens to be a
brilliant, brilliant doctor
in the world of technology and robotics.
After all his work on the
Tickle Me Anal Project
back in Japan is the stuff of legend.
But I however, am a doctor of surgery
for I am a world class surgeon.
Yes, I can cut and stitch
like the son of a bitch.
It would blow your little sticky minds
of what I could do with just two hands
and 10 and a half fingers.
Anyways, you might be wondering,
what would a top class
company like Micro Hard need
with a lonely little surgeon like myself?
Well, shut up. I'll tell ya.
Because ladies, listen here, you, you
and yes, even you, yes, especially you,
you all are going to
be part of the future.
Yes, because you are going
to be the first ever human
skanks to be enhanced
with cyber skank technology.
Yes. Yes.
Once me and Dr. Stephenson
get done with y'all,
oh, you're going to be able
to run faster, jump higher, screw longer,
and most importantly,
you're going to be able
to kill, kill, kill more efficiently.
- That sounds really dangerous.
- I did not sign up for any surgeries.
- Like, do we get paid
sick leave for this?
- Ladies, ladies, take it easy.
All your questions will
be answered very shortly
and your pretty little
minds will be put at ease.
Now, if you all just go ahead
and take a look at this.
(Wipe neuralizer whirs)
Thank you.
- Oh, the old mind wipe neuralizer trick.
Epstein's favorite toy.
- Yeah, not quite. This ain't
your daddy's neuralizer.
This one's different. It
doesn't just wipe the mind.
What it does is it turns the brain
into a creamy pile of pistachio pudding.
- I love pistachio pudding.
That's my favorite.
Next to banana, of course.
But these ladies skanks,
they won't be needing
their brains for long,
because once he replaced
their empty little noggins
with your super computer technology,
oh, it is game on.
- Oh yeah, and now with
our three cyber skanks
and Mecha you know who,
our plan for revenge will begin.
We will finally be able
to get back at Babezilla
for what she did to our twin brothers.
They will not have died in vain.
- Yes, indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
- Indeed.
(Stephenson and Cornwallace laugh)
- (indistinct)
- Carry on.
Ms. Tiggolbitties, have these
women go to the surgery room
and prep them for operation.
And when you're done there,
I want you to come back
to my office for a little slap piddle.
- Right away, doctor.
Come on, ladies.
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(people chattering)
- Good afternoon, everyone.
I'm Chet Chesterton with WRUN
News coming to you today live
from the Babezilla meet and greet.
All these people have been
waiting patiently in line
for over six hours
to meet the beautiful buxom superhero.
Let's go ahead and see what
some of our citizens have to say
when they finally meet Babezilla.
Hello. Are you here to meet Babezilla?
- Yeah, I want to know
if it like feels good
when the lasers come out of
her nipples and her hoo-ha
or like if it burns, you know.
- What do you plan to
say when you meet her?
- I just want to get close
enough to smell her hair.
- Like, well, I guess it's safe to say
that she's got her hands
full with this crowd.
I've just received word
that Babezilla has arrived
and will be out momentarily.
(people cheering)
- Are you sure this is a good idea, Jack?
I'm feeling kind of off sunset scene today
and my boobs feel weird.
Something's just not right.
And I think I'm about to lay an egg.
- Listen, it is gonna be fine.
We're gonna go in there.
You're gonna sign a couple autographs.
You're gonna take a couple of pictures.
Bing bang boom.
We're gonna both walk out
of this a little bit richer, all right?
- Okay.
(people cheering)
- Babezilla!
- Babezilla! Babezilla!
- Oh my god, fuck, it's
really you Babezilla.
You are my fucking biggest hero.
I love you so fucking much.
I can't believe I'm meeting you.
Please sign my boobs.
- Wow. Those are some nice honkers.
Oh, what the fuck?
That's my biggest fan.
You're gonna pay for that, bitch.
(Babezilla screams)
- Wrong move, cyber skank.
(laser fires)
- In a bizarre turn of events,
the meet and greet seems
to have come under attack
by what seems to be cyborg women?
It's a gruesome scene.
But I'm confident
Babezilla will save us all.
(saw buzzing)
- Oh my god.
You killed America's favorite
news guy, Chet Chesterton.
You cunt.
- This is Chet Chesterton
signing off forever.
- Sorry, I'm a hugger.
(laser fires)
Babezilla
Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, babe, babe
Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe
Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, babe, babe
Babezilla
- You cyber skanks are really
starting to piss me off.
(laser fires)
No, it can't be.
(laser fires)
(laser fires)
Stop fucking around.
(lasers fire)
(explosion roars)
- Objective complete.
- Wake up, you lazy bum.
- Mom, am I dead?
- Not yet but you just
got your ass handed to you
by a robot version of yourself.
I came here to give you guidance.
- Why should I listen to
you? You were always so mean.
- I'm a lizard.
That's what I do. I'm cold blooded.
You are so lucky
that I didn't eat you before you hatched.
And your father, he's
this sentiment mammal,
putting these thoughts into your head
about hero shit and ugh.
I did what I could do
to be a loving mother.
I took this human form,
these giant big old hooters
for you to suck on.
I don't even produce milk.
Although I will admit that I did enjoy it
when you were sucking on them.
- Mom, that's embarrassing.
- That's the same thing you said
the last time you sucked on these titties.
You were 16 and your friend
from school caught you.
- Please just tell me what
I need to know and go away.
- All right. Geez.
If you want to defeat the MechaBabezilla,
you must study with the
great cunt fu, Master Beta.
- Where can I find this Master Beta?
- You must seek Master Beta.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
- It's taking forever.
Babezilla phone, give me
directions to Cunt Fu Master Beta.
- Master Beta's Cunt Fu dojo
is five seconds away by foot.
- Oh, that's convenient.
(flute tooting)
- Excuse me, Miss Circus Freak.
Have you seen a kung fu master?
- It is Master Beta which you seek.
- Yes. Have you seen her?
- Why do you seek Master Beta?
- You see, I was at this meet and greet
and I was feeling all types of funky
and these cyber skanks showed up
and started killing all of my fans.
And then this evil robot me showed up
and totally kicked my ass.
I've never been beaten before,
so I was feeling pretty down.
But then my ghost mom appeared and told me
to beat MechaBabezilla, I
should come find Master Beta.
So here I am.
And oh my god, you're her, aren't you?
- In the flesh.
Familiar, I am with your ghost mom.
I totally sucked her titties.
Train you, I shall.
- Great. What are we starting with?
Kicks, punches, five point heart attack?
- First you must
polish this bean.
- [Babezilla] You're kidding, right?
- Master Beta does not kid.
- So what? I just rub
it with this dry rag?
Not gonna lie, I kind of liked
when she spit on my bean.
- No, no, no.
Like this.
Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
Defeated by an evil robot you
But you didn't give up
No, there's still work to do
So you found Master Beta
Now you're learning kung fu
But when you double down that
dog, don't forget to chew
Yeah, yeah
Always chew you food
before you swallow
Always chew you food
before you swallow
Now we're almost to the
end of our mantra song
Are you ready for battle
No, you've only begun
Flaming bananas, polishing beans
Those cyber skanks,
they're really mean
Yeah, you know what I mean
They're really, really mean
The cyber skanks
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
I'm exhausted. Whack on, whack off.
I need a hot shower.
(Master Beta moaning)
- As above, so below.
(liquid trickling)
Namaste.
- That did it.
- Babezilla, is that you?
- [Babezilla] Yes. Sorry, Master Beta.
- No need.
Come in here and let me show
you the flying scissor kick.
Are you sure you're ready?
- Yes, I now know the secret
to defeating MechaBabezilla.
- Then go, you must.
- Thank you, master.
I'll never forget you.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Babezilla speaking.
(audience clapping)
- Hello Babezilla. Thank
goodness you answered.
This is the president.
You may recognize my top secret
CIA Indian golfing disguise.
It has been stuck on
for quite some time now
and I am beginning to accept
that this is the new me.
- It suits you quite well, sir.
- Oh Babezilla, we are
in quite the pickle.
The cyber skanks
and MechaBabezilla are
taking over the world
and killing anyone who resist them.
- [Audience] Boo!
- That bitch is going down. Mr. President.
I've been training in developing
new techniques to beat her.
- Yes, unfortunately we
all saw her defeat you
on a nationwide live television broadcast,
but you are still our only hope.
- I won't let you down again.
This time, it's personal.
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla versus the cyber skanks
The rise of MechaBabezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Kaboom
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla
Babezilla versus the cyber skanks
The rise of MechaBabezilla
Babe, babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, Babezilla
Part Two
- What the fuck?
That's some fucked up shit.
I think I recognize her.
- Time to die, sorry bitch.
- [Babezilla] Oh, you
fucking motherfucker.
(sword clanging)
- (indistinct)
(sword clanging)
- I'll fucking kill you.
- Fuck you. Go back to
hell where you belong.
Go fucking back. Fuck you.
- Die, you whore.
Die!
(indistinct)
- Oh, you bitch.
- You have a boyfriend who's never happy.
(Captain Cut laughs)
- You fight, motherfucker! Fight!
You whore.
- You wish you looked like me, bitch.
(sparks crackling)
- Where are you, bitch? I can smell you.
I know you're in here.
(saw buzzing)
- Right here, bitch. I'll
cut you down like a tree.
- Big money mega fire.
(laser firing)
- Systems compromised.
(Major Mammaries screams)
(sparks crackling)
- Ready or not, here I come.
Peekaboo, you whore.
Too slow.
- Die, you bitch.
Clamps!
I'm gonna get you, you fucking whore.
(sword clanging)
Okay, how about a good old
fashioned titty twister contest?
(Babezilla screams)
(laser fires)
(laser fires)
- I've been waiting for you, Babezilla.
You're a fool to come here.
I've beaten you before
and I'll beat you again.
And this time I'll make
sure to finish the job.
- Talk is cheap and so is your mother.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
You ready to end this,
you shitty knockoff?
- Amusing. Your super queef
cannon is no match for mine.
- Show me what you got, hoe.
- Super queef cannon.
- Whack on, whack off.
Whack on, whack off.
(upbeat music)
That takes care of that trash.
Now let's see who made this mess.
- Wait, please, don't kill us.
- Wait, wait, wait.
We surrender. We surrender.
Go ahead, take us to jail.
Take us to jail. We give up.
- What the fuck? Haven't
I killed you two before?
- Get her Steve.
- Uh-oh.
- Get fucked, Steve.
- You killed my favorite Steve.
Oh, I'm going to get
you, you lizard bitch.
(laser fires)
- You no-good drinking fucking loser.
You're nothing good for society.
All you do is make the world a worse place
and the worst part about you
is your dick can never stay hard.
- Lady, normally you'd be right,
but right now, I'm as hard as steel.
- Well no, you're thinking
of our much more grosser
and much more out of shape twin brothers,
Cornelius and Steven.
We, however, are two completely different
and totally, totally original characters.
See, my name is Dr. Cornwallace.
- And I'm Dr. Stephenson.
- So your brother's name
was Cornelius Cornwallace
and Steve Stephenson?
- Yes, I'm afraid this was all for revenge
for you killing our twin brothers,
but things went too far
and they got out of hand.
- Yeah, you know, can't you see?
It was just a simple
little harmless, funny game
of, you know, bloody murderous revenge.
I mean, you get it, you get it.
You're a lizard of the woman of the city.
You know, you get it.
You know, just let us
live though. Let us live.
And, you know, we can get you
some precious information.
- What kind of information?
- How about the name and location
of the man who's really behind
all this, our benefactor?
He helped fund the robotics program for us
and help us create the cyber
skanks and MechaBabezilla
and he took them over though
for his own plans of world domination.
- Who is this fucker?
- His name is...
(head pops)
- You know,
Stephenson, he's a joker.
He's a joker. He's a prankster.
You know, the whole thing
about there being someone
secretly in charge this entire time.
It was a joke, you know,
like a booby shart, you know.
It's funny, it's comedy he was doing.
He's a very funny man, you
know, with or without a head.
He's hilarious. Very hilarious, you know.
Wocka wocka motherfucker, you know,
'cause clearly it was
just me, Dr. Cornwallace
in charge of this whole
thing the entire time
and if anyone is listening in
to this conversation right
now, clearly I am admitting
that it was me alone and
I will totally go to jail
and take the blame for the cyber skanks
and therefore, no reason
for my head to go kaboom.
(head pops)
- Makes my job easier.
Hello, Mr. President, this is Babezilla.
Those cyber skanks are on the junk heap
and won't be bothering anyone anymore.
- Oh, thank you, Babezilla.
What would this world do without you?
You have saved us once again.
I would like to show my gratitude
by giving you not only a lifetime supply
of foot rubs,
but also the key to the US mint
so you can print as much money
as you need whenever you would like.
(laser fires)
- Oh my god, that's amazing.
This will change my life forever.
These boots are killers on your arches.
And that's how I defeated
my greatest foe yet,
MechaBabezilla.
And now with unlimited money,
I can fund all my own pornos
and fuck the hottest guys I want.
- Oh fuck.
Good game.
- Thanks for the cream pie, honey boy.
- Yeah.
- It's your turn, Jack.
- Oh, come on, babe.
Don't do me like that.
- Oh, come on.
This business is rough
and sometimes you just
gotta take it in the ass.
Now do you want to get paid or not?
- Everybody run. There's
shit monsters everywhere.
- Get back, you human.
(Shit monster grunts)
Prepare to get wiped out, Babezilla.
- Oh shit.
Thoughts again, wired thoughts
System overload, all data lost
No function, let's test the night
It's so lovely to then override
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Shed no tears
Shed no tears
Shed no tears, robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
Robots don't cry
- [Babezilla] You cyber
skanks are really starting
to piss me off.
(mellow music)
(mellow music continues)