Baby Steps (2023) Movie Script
Not sure this was a good idea.
Why not?
Sounds like wallowing.
We're not wallowing
Were remembering.
Did you think we'd still
be together, a year later?
I tried not to have any speculations.
Okay, no. I didnt. Not really.
Yeah, me neither. But, I hoped
Happy anniversary, by the way.
Yeah, you too.
Are you happy, Beau?
Sometimes.
Sometimes very happy.
I know we made the right choice but,
love doesnt fix everything, does it?
No. So besides missing Lily, whats broken?
I wouldnt say broken.
But you know, someday Id like
to be able to pull my own weight.
You know I don't think... you do.
Im still not paying rent.
You know, I don't care.
I know, but I care. I do care.
You're really talented.
Business is getting steadily better.
Youll get there.
Can't cook for shit.
You're not that bad.
The standards are low.
Lilly couldnt cook either.
True. What else?
Nothing. Otherwise life is perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
Okay.
Life is good.
You're good and were good together.
Surprisingly good.
Youre a silly man.
Yes, but you need a
little silliness in your life.
Are you expecting something?
Its from my attorney.
Is it something about Lily
My love.
Forgive me for haunting you like this,
but since I don't believe in an afterlife,
This is the only way I can haunt you.
And I figured you'd
need some healing before
you could give this idea
the consideration it deserves.
I know this past year must have been hard.
I probably can't even imagine how hard.
I hope you and Caden have found
a way to help each other through it.
Enclosed is a bill.
It's up to you to decide
whether to continue paying.
I have frozen ten of my
prime pre chemo eggs.
I know you've always wanted to be a father.
It was always my plan to be a mother.
That obviously isn't going to happen.
But if you want, you could
still have a child that is ours.
No pressure. I'll never know either way.
But it's given me a bit of
comfort here at the end.
To think of you holding and loving
the child that is part of both of us.
Do what will make you happy.
Having you as my husband.
Made me incredibly happy.
I hope you know that.
And every part of you.
Holy crap.
You didn't know about this?
No, no, of course not.
I thought you guys shared everything.
So did I.
Well, Lily always did have
a flair for the dramatic
No shit.
Hey, was Lilly, right?
Have you always wanted kids?
I mean, yeah, it was
always the life I imagined.
Wife, kids.
I guess Im not much of a wife.
No, but youre a damn good
best friend with benefits.
So that's what we're calling it?
I still have no idea what to call it.
At work I refer to you as my partner.
Which sounds like we. Started
an accounting firm together.
Oh, well, with my friends, I
just call you my fuck, buddy.
You do not!
No. I say boyfriend.
It's very middle school,
but it's better than partner.
What about you, you
never imagined being a dad?
I always thought I'd been awesome uncle,
to the kids you and Lily had.
But, um I never imagined myself as grown up
enough to be a dad or have kids in my own.
And what about now.
Are you asking me if I
want to have kids with you?
I don't know.
We're just talking hypothetically.
Okay, uhhh well, hypothetically.
I think I got to get back to you.
For what it's worth.
I think you would make a great dad.
Whats that smell?
Uhhh, snickerdoodles?
Well, more like snickerdoodle flavored
charcoal. The first batch didnt go well.
But this time, I'm setting the timer.
Thanks.
Why the sudden baking frenzy?
Some of my most vivid childhood memories
are mom baking,
Lily and I used to sneak these off the
cooling rack while they were still warm.
Why the nostalgia?
Your mom's okay, isn't she?
Yeah, she's fine. Dad too.
Look, if we do decide to have
a kid, I just want to be able
to create the same kind
of memories, you know?
I get it.
But not all positive memories
have to do with baked goods.
Whoa.
We are not raising our kids in some
kind of gluten free, sugar free zone.
Our kids,
I never thought any two
words could be that terrifying.
I thought you were
committed to the kid idea.
What? No.
I mean, I love kids.
I want kids.
But this isn't exactly how
I imagined having them.
With me, you mean?
You realize you'd be their
father and their uncle?
Now hows that not likely to be confusing?
Are you sure the
confusion is just for them?
Like having kids together would mean
that this or us is more than just
a phase.
To be honest, at first
That's what I thought.
They say everyone grieves in their own way.
And I thought maybe this was mine.
It was more than that.
It always was more for me.
But I also know that we never
would have gotten together
if we hadn't gone through
losing Lily together.
That doesnt make it less real though.
Does it? No.
No, it doesn't.
But this year, our whole relationship
has been in a kind of bubble.
We don't really hangout with your friends.
We dont really hangout with my
friends, we won't have any couple friends,
which bothers me.
You cant raise kids that way.
Right.
As they say, it takes the Village People.
It's funny.
Seriously, any kid of ours is going
to have two dads and a dead mom.
It's not exactly the Brady Bunch.
No, not exactly.
What are we going to do jump
into the gay parenting community.
I don't even know if I
should call myself gay?
Oh trust me, kids don't give a
shit how their parents identify.
They just accept whatever they get.
We can be daddy and papa or
dad and pops and thatll just be that.
I guess.
But they do need a
community to be a part of.
We can't raise them in a vacuum.
And that all starts with us
being comfortable as a couple.
Know, having kids together is more
than just a commitment to them.
It's you and me and
committing to each other.
You ready for that?
I think so.
Are you?
I mean, you know how
commitment phobic I've always been.
I do.
But I know that I love you
and I want to be ready.
And maybe that's as close as
someone like me is going to get.
No pressure.
Keep thinking about it.
Meantime, I think I'm going to call the
cryo-facility and pay for the next year.
Good. Mmm.
But I do think we should get out of
our bubble, start being more social.
Okay.
What do you have in mind?
No clue.
It's not like I have a ton of friends.
But would it be cool
if I invited over the guys to watch
the game with us this weekend?
Of course.
And I think it's sweet that you
want to become Betty Crocker
to our imaginary children.
But kids
don't need homemade cookies
if they have love and stability.
Private school.
Well,
Oh shit, I forgot to set the
timer. Im not fucking up this batch.
Alright. The game doesn't
start for another few minutes.
Everyone got everything they need.
Yeah. Yep.
Yep. Good.
Okay. Uhhhhh.
I think I know what everybody's thinking.
Which one of us is the man?
And which one of us is the woman?
Nah, dude. We just all
assumed you were the girl.
Oh, fuck off!
Ya,
I was kind of wondering that.
Seriously, Grady.
He brought it up.
You can't pretend like
it's not kind of weird.
Caden got laid more
than any of us in college.
Dude had game.
Hey, I still have game.
It's just not limited to the ladies.
Actually, it never was. Oh.
I called it. See I knew.
He swung both ways.
Jesus, Mike, you're not exactly psychic.
Caden told us that,
like, a million years ago.
He did not.
I did. The night we graduated.
I remember. It's just.
We're fucked up that night.
I didnt take it seriously.
Besides, I mean, who hasn't
had a bit too much to drink
and let a guy go down on him?
You know, it's not like it's
it doesnt make you gay or bi or whatever?
It's just like, come on
Caden back me up here.
Yo, sorry dude
No one put me in charge
of handing out the gay cards.
Yeah, uhh but youre not like gay
gay though, right?
Because, like, I mean, like, you know uhh.
Candace, that was real?
Yeah, that was very real.
All right, guys, this just
isn't that complicated.
He likes girls.
He likes guys. This is no big deal.
Yeah, but you got to, like,
one more than the other.
Right now, I like Beau
more than anyone else.
And that is all that matters.
Look umm,
I understand the curiosity
The truth is, were figuring it out.
That's cool.
That's real cool.
And don't let Grady's incredibly
insensitive comments worry you.
He's just, being Grady.
He lacks the filter that
normal people have.
Ah, but I do have a filter.
You all should hear the shit I don't say.
That is truly frightening.
I can't imagine.
But I would pay to read it.
Are we going to actually watch the game?
Or are we going to sit here and listen to
him talk about where Caden puts his dick?
Come on. (game noise)
I. I mean, either is
interesting but you know.
Oh come on. Yeah.
(Game noise)
Thanks for cleaning us out
of snacks and beer, assholes.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
For what?
It was good to have some
company over for the game.
Really?
It started off a bit weird
and Grady is kind of a lot.
Yeah, but.
Josh and Mike seem cool.
Oh, they are.
And Grady's a good guy
once you get to know him.
I can see that
Josh is the one who's married
and has a kid, he's kind of
like the grown up in a group.
He was in the military, before college.
So you're saying he's old like me?
I was saying... that it might
be nice to have friends with kids.
You know if we
go down that path.
Yes, I agree.
I don't think I ever realized
how straight they all are.
Theres nothing wrong with straight.
I thought I was straight for
the first 39 years of my life.
Yeah, I know.
But I just feel like at this point, maybe
we should try hanging out
with a more diverse crowd.
(music plays)
It's so good to see you Beau.
And you, to Caden.
Although, I have to admit, I
didn't imagine you two together
in a million years.
Join the club.
It's so great to finally meet you guys.
Alex has told me the whole story.
I think it's really hot.
I mean, not the part about Lilly dying.
That was terrible. Obviously.
Two straight men falling in love.
My God.
Thats the stuff of gay romance novels.
I wasn't exactly straight.
Well, yeah, of course.
But you really only dated women, right?
I dated. Yeah.
Yeah.
Beau was the real deal, though.
Never even had a jack off.
Buddy in high school.
Right.
Right. Sorry.
You know, Lily tended to overshare.
So, now do you consider yourself
what?
Gay, bisexual, sexually fluid?
Honestly, I don't.
I still feel like the same person.
Ive always been, always
used to be straight.
But now Im in love with Caden.
Well, whatever you call it.
I know Lily would be
proud, of the both you.
And I know she didn't
believe in an afterlife.
But I have to think, she's
around here somewhere.
Just looking at the two of
you and going, mmmhmmmm
To Lily.
To Lily.
It was good to see Aiden, and
he seems really happy with Alex.
Great guys.
Yeah, great.
Super gay though. So very very...
Which is obviously fine, obviously.
But uhh God, when Aiden went
off on that rant about Ginger Minj.
At first I thought he
was talking about a cat.
I thought it was like an,
Oral hygiene problem. I did not...
Ohh God, we are hopeless.
I just think there are too many seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race behind us now.
We're never going to catch up.
Do you want to get caught up.
With all the cool shows
on Netflix and Prime.
Girl's got to have her priorities
right?
I... I don't think I'll
ever feel comfortable
referring to myself with
female pronouns, even as a joke.
Even with you.
Sorry.
Yeah. Id probably die of
shock if you ever did. (laughing)
Salads done.
How are the burgers coming along?
Hmmmm, another 5 minutes. Alright.
What? Nothing.
You just, look like such a dad.
What am I getting a dad bod?
No, no, that's not what I meant.
I just remember my dad grilling
burgers and hot dogs every summer,
lots of good memories.
If we did have kids,
would I be the mom?
Well, you have the hips for it!
What I meant was, who
would be the primary parent?
Somebodys got to handle
all the doctor's appointments
the middle of the night feedings,
kissing the booboos when they fall down.
Wed share all that.
No gender roles right?
We split everything 50/50.
Does that make the most sense though?
Youve got a real job.
That's how we have such a nice house.
How someday we'll be
able to afford private school.
So you want to be the mom?
Hence the attempt at cookie baking.
I don't know.
I guess I'm trying it on.
It seems to make the most sense.
Maybe, logistically.
But is that what you want?
I just don't know.
I know I could be a fantastic uncle.
I think I could be a good dad.
I just.
I don't know if I could
handle being a mom. Oh.
(radio playing) Uh can
you drive around the block?
Im not done with the grocery list.
Since when
do we have a grocery list?
Since I started cooking better
meals. Im planning recipes,
so that means buying specific
things. Not just picking up
whatever crap seems appealing
between the beer isle and the chips isle.
Do you hear yourself?
You sound like...
Don't, dont say it.
I like them all.
(music plays)
I'm not sure this was a good idea.
Why not? Theyre here to help gay
couples who are thinking about having kids?
Were not exactly a gay couple.
Were certainly not a
straight couple. Hi, everyone.
Please take a seat. My
name is Beth Getting started.
...and a couple of years ago
I was sitting where you are.
And now my wife and I
have a beautiful baby girl.
I'm not going to lie.
It's been a long, expensive and
sometimes traumatic journey to parenthood.
But for us it's been so worth it.
And maybe it'll be worth it for you, too.
We're going to show a brief
presentation and then afterwards
we'll answer questions
(music plays)
Ok then if no one else has any questions,
that ends the formal part of the meeting.
Stick around. Get to know each other.
There's coffee and snacks in the back.
So what did you think?
Umm, lot's of great information.
Hey. Hey.
What's the hurry?
We don't know any of these people. Right?
And we won't if we don't talk to them.
It just, I don't know how to
act around groups of gay people,
Lily was fine, she was so social.
I could just be the cool silent
straight guy hanging out with his wife.
Hey, newsflash.
You were never cool and
apparently not entirely straight.
Point taken, but I could smile
and nod and let Lily take the lead.
Now I'm in an actual
relationship with a guy.
The gays expect me to be
one of them, and I'm just not.
Makes it hard to connect.
Okay. Okay.
People connect around a common interest.
All these people are thinking
about having kids just like us. Ok true.
So let's go talk to them.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, hi.
I'm Caden.
This is Beau.
We were thinking about having a baby.
Well, yeah, that's kind of
what brought us all here.
Right, obviously.
Are you thinking of surrogacy or adoption?
Surrogacy?
Definitely.
Yeah, there's ummm.
There's a bit of a story there.
Hi. So Beau wants us to have kids.
You're having trouble
conceiving, am I right?
Sorry.
But seriously, bro, congrats.
I haven't agreed yet.
Why, you love kids?
I dont know, I mean were really solid.
And I do love kids.
But... Whoa, what's the hold up?
It's just.
How did you and Haley know you were ready.
Dude,
If people waited until they were ready,
the human race would have died out by now.
Yeah, but isn't having
kids before you're ready
the reason why the
human race is so fucked up?
I mean, maybe.
But you're not going to fuck it up
any worse than the rest of us, right?
How do you know? Okay.
Being a parent is playing for keeps.
I have never had a relationship
that I couldn't get out of.
That's bullshit.
You've never been able to escape
being your parents son or Lilly's brother?
Ya, that, that's different.
No, it's. Not.
It's family.
And you've always shown up for family.
What you did for Lilly
that was above and beyond.
Yeah, but I wanted to do that for Lilly.
And you don't think you're going
to want to be there for that kid?
Trust me, once you see its tiny,
scrunched, angry red little face,
you're going to melt.
I know you, man. You're going to kill this.
No, that's just it.
I'm worried that I might actually kill it.
Don't babies have that soft,
squishy part of their heads
where you might actually poke their brains
out? Caden that squishy part is adorable.
And you're not going to
poke anybody's brains out.
You don't know that.
I'll read the books and all, but
I don't know shit about babies.
You think I did? Like,
you'll figure it out.
You're dumb, but you're not that dumb.
Are you sure?
You and Beau babysit sometime?
We could use the break,
and it'll give you a sense of
what it's like to take care of a kid.
I dont know?
I feel like if I accidentally.
Kill your kid, it might put
a strain on our friendship.
And the freezing of human eggs
is still relatively new, so we don't
know how long they'll be viable.
So we should use them
sooner rather than later.
Yeah.
All the evidence suggests that they'll
be good for many years, but I want
you guys to know that
eggs aren't the only factor.
Men's sperm become less viable as they age.
Youre like what, 50?
Just turned 40.
Actually.
Okay.
Oh, you're serious? Oh, okay.
Well, if you're serious about
it, we should do a sperm count.
And if it's all good, we
should freeze a sample.
Your gametes will never be in
better shape than they are right now.
And you seem younger.
Your sperm should be in terrific shape.
The eggs are my sister's so hard pass.
Oh, yuck.
That wasn't in my file. Lily was my twin.
Isn't there an increased chance of
twins or even triplets with in vitro?
You know, there used to be.
But now we can screen
pretty effectively for viability,
and we only implant one embryo at a time.
But we could still do
two if we want to. Yeah.
If your surrogate says yes.
I don't see why not, Doc. Never
mind the surrogate. What about me?
I haven't even agreed to one yet.
But we don't want an
only child, though right?
And if we're planning
on having more than one,
doesn't it make sense to do
them both at the same time?
I, I, I, I don't know.
I, this is happening awfully, awfully fast.
Oh, shh shh sh.
Why dont you boys take some time.
Think about what we've discussed.
And in the meantime.
I'd really like to collect your sperm.
I was speaking professionally.
You guys got that right?
I was that.
I wasn't.
Sorry.
I got a little panicky, but Jesus twins.
I don't know. You just sprung that on me.
We haven't even really
decided if we want one yet.
Actually, I have.
I've decided.
What?
I don't want to pressure you but,
I think we can make it work.
The world is fucked up, you know.
And then we would be bringing
a life... or lives into this mess.
The world has always been fucked up.
These kids will have two parents who
love them and would do anything for them.
That's more than most people get.
(music playing)
Plus, with your genes and Lily's genes,
I guess they'll be super
smart and gorgeous.
Some of those genes are yours too you know?
Yeah.
I know.
I guess it's kind of cool, but
I'm mostly excited for
a bit of Lily to live on.
So that kind of sounds
like you want to do this.
No, no, that.
That's not what I
said. I don't not want it.
I just.
I'm thinking that that... Breathe Caden.
Hi, Caden.
Oh, hi Haley.
Hi, Milly.
Milly say hi to Uncle Caden.
You're not really my Uncle.
No, no Im not
Lily, why don't you go
play with your friends?
Mommy come with me. I
want to talk with Caden.
You go have fun.
Please, Mommy, please. I
dont want to play by my... Justin?
Thanks again for watching
Milly this afternoon.
Josh and I so appreciate it.
Oh, are you kidding me?
You guys are doing me a favor.
I have this theoretical idea that I love
kids, but Im barely ever around them.
Yeah, Josh was saying you and Beau
are thinking of having some of your own.
Yeah, we are.
Well, uhh Beau really wants them.
I just, uh.
I don't know.
I mean, they're so adorable.
I've never really taken on
that much responsibility.
I usually break out into a rash at the
thought of signing a six month lease.
I'm not kidding.
I mean the responsibility
of another human life.
That, that's terrifying.
Ya no shit.
I lost Milly once in a
mall for, like, a minute,
and I seriously thought my
heart was going to explode.
It was pounding so hard.
Oh, but at least women
have those maternal instincts.
I mean, what do I have?
Your good looks?
Come on, Caden.
You care.
Ya but you really think that's good enough?
Don't get me wrong,
you're going to fuck up.
We all fuck up.
But the good parents are
the ones trying not to fuck up
and thatll be you and Beau.
You haven't even really met Beau yet.
I know that if you do this, it'll
be because you both really want it
and not because it happened
or because it's expected.
Milly was planned, but I can't tell you
how many of the people
I went to high school with
are having kids because it's time or
uhhh because their birth control failed,
or because they were too drunk
or high to worry about birth control
in the first place. Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a pretty shitty reason
to bring new life to the world.
Agreed.
(music plays)
It's a grilled cheese sandwich.
It was my favorite when I was your age.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Oh, shit.
UUhhhh, okay.
Shucks, shucks, shucks.
I said shucks, if your mom asks.
You're busted?
I am busted. Don't worry.
My dad says that word all that time. Oh.
My mom says I'm not supposed to say it
unless I'm talking about actual poop.
Then it's okay. But poop is still better.
Yeah. Your mom is a wise woman.
I guess I should have asked
you what you wanted for lunch.
I'm sorry.
I thought grilled cheese was a cant miss.
I'm not hungry.
Can we go play outside? Outside?
Like in the street?
In the yard.
No one plays in the street.
Oh, right.
Do we have, like, a ball... or anything?
I wouldn't have thought a four year old
would know the term lactose intolerance.
Oh, we're lucky she spoke up.
Most kids would have
just eaten the sandwich.
And we would have to
explain to Josh and Haley why
their daughter has the runs.
She's a great kid.
I have to tell you, it's only been a
couple of hours and I'm exhausted.
Well, buckle up, buttercup.
You're going to have twins
youre going to be exhausted.
24/7, for years.
Yeah, but it'll be worth it.
Kids are such... oh crap.
Whered she go?
Milly, where are you?
Honey, we can't play hide and go seek
without everyone knowing we're playing.
Check in the front.
I'll check in the house. Yeah.
Milly
Oh, come on, Milly.
Please dont be kidnapped or dead.
Milly! Honey, you in here?
Milly?
Milly? Privacy please.
I don't need grownups to help
when its just number one.
Okay, honey, just
let us know if you need anything
Is she with you?
Yes, she's here.
Uhhh, just took a pee break,
and she's four, so she
doesn't need our help.
Just FYI.
Ok
Lily
if any part of you remains out there
in the universe, please.
I need you.
Fuck, what am I.
What am I doing?
Hey, Babe.
Sorry to bother you.
I know you're working, but umm...
Yeah, I need you.
Okay, whats up?
Can you uhhh
be Lily for a minute?
Look, I'm all for role
playing but... Look, I just.
I just need Lily to help
me make this decision.
About parenthood?
Yes. I never made a decision
this big without talking to her.
And, you know, it's like she
can just see through my bullshit,
and she doesn't just cheerlead.
She gives it to me straight.
Can you do that for me?
Oh, I'm not going to imitate her, but
I can try to put myself in her mindset.
Okay.
Thanks, umm here it goes.
I think I may be too selfish
a person to be a good parent.
Are you the man who dropped everything
to become a world class caregiver
to his sick sister?
No, that wasn't unselfish.
I did that because I love Lily so much.
And not not that that I
needed to be here with her.
What makes you think you won't
feel that way about your own kids?
But that's what Josh said.
But but what if I don't?
I think every parent worries about
that, but it hardly ever happens.
And maybe that's why nature
makes all baby mammals so adorable.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I mean, you know, maybe possums are cute,
but they grow up to be freaking hideous.
Well, chances are really strong.
These kids are going to be adorable.
And even if they're not, I bet youll
instantly love them beyond all reason.
And if I don't.
Maybe not in an instant, but I know you.
You are so full of love.
I can't imagine you won't find a nice
big chunk of it for these small creatures
who depend on you.
I think that's what scares me.
Yeah.
I'm like the world's most grown up.
Grown up.
And even my heart skips a beat
when I think about how
much they're going to need us.
Especially at first.
Right.
I mean, how on earth do people do this.
The way they accomplish anything?
Self-delusion.
They focus on the good and then
deal with the bad as best they can.
Isn't that pretty much what I said.
That help?
I mean right at the end there
I think I was mostly just
being mean, not Lily... but
Maybe, but I think Lily
would have said pretty
much the same thing.
For what it's worth, I think
she'd want this for you, for us.
Yeah. Yeah, she would.
But you can't do it for her
or for me.
You have to do it
because it's what you want.
I know, and I do want it.
It's just.
I don't know if I can handle it.
It wont be just you, itll be us.
And I think we can handle.
In fact, I think we'll be great.
We worked as a team and
didn't panic when we lost Milly.
Oh, we can't ever tell
Haley and Josh about that.
Ever. Take it to our graves
(childs bell chime)
Beau... Beau, wake up.
What?
Are we having an earthquake?
Just metaphorically. Huh?
Our lives are about to be shaken,
were going to be parents.
And that means you need to start
getting used to being woken up suddenly
in the middle of the night.
And so you decided? I decided.
Thank you.
I'm not doing it for you.
I know.
Thank you for being the kind of man
whos willing to push past his fears.
Am I feeling what I think Im feeling?
Maybe?
You know, that's not how we're
going to make these babies.
Yeah, but you dont want to
stop trying, do you? Not at all.
You're okay with us
trying for twins, right?
Yeah.
I've only ever known being a twin, so,
you know, in a way it makes perfect sense.
But it does mean twice as
many diapers, twice as much
everything. Ya but at least
we get it all out of the
way at the same time.
You don't have to convince me.
Im in. I just hope we
know what we're doing.
We probably don't.
But your parents managed to muddle
through it, and I'm sure we will too.
Yes, we will, Daddy.
Maybe, don't, call me that.
I'm just enough older than you...
Yeah, no, I heard it the
moment it came out of my mouth.
You sure you don't want
me to come in and help?
That would be weird.
I bet people do it all the time.
I bet they don't.
Once you give them your samples,
How long before we
know if the sperm is viable?
Uhhh a few days, I think.
Yeah.
So do they like, take one and
just, like, inject it into the egg...
or do they take the egg and just
drop it in a big pool of your splooge
and let the best one win?
What?
I have no idea.
I guess that's a question
for Doctor Nguyen.
And when
(music plays)
(love making sounds)
(music and building climax)
So to what do I owe this honor?
I hardly see you anymore.
Yeah, sorry. We've been pretty busy.
Kind of a lot going on, actually.
So things are going well?
Yeah, yeah.
Really well.
If you remember I always liked Beau.
Long before you did.
Yeah, I know.
You were always smarter than me. Oh, yeah.
Well, here I am, still stuck
working a nowhere job for shitty pay.
Okay.
That's kinda what I
wanted to talk to you about.
You have a job for me.
If you're finally moving
into nude photography,
I expect top dollar and
I have photo approval.
No
No, that's. That's not it.
But it's good to know your terms. And
uhh... you do have the body for it.
Thanks.
Uh, so what is it then?
Okay, theres kind of
no, unawkward way to say it.
So I'm just going to come out and say it.
Have you ever thought
about being a surrogate?
Seriously?
Yeah, seriously.
Lily froze some eggs. Holy shit.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Umm Beau
and I have been thinking really hard on
it and we decided wed like to try it out.
And you're not about to ruin your figure.
Okay. Wed pay you, of course.
And we did a little research
and 25K is pretty standard.
Plus we cover medical expenses, obviously.
$25,000.
I mean, you could finally go
back to school and finish school or
or bank it for a rainy day.
Wow, uh yeah, uhh this
is a lot to think about.
I know.
And we don't expect an
answer right away, but umm
will you consider it?
Would you want me to be involved in,
the kid's life? Absolutely.
And there might be two kids.
Oh my, holy shit.
Umm Im sorry, I know
I said that already, but...
No, no, it bears repeating.
And because no matter
who carries the babies,
we'd hope that you'd like to be,
Aunt Candace.
These kids are going to
need good female role models.
Yeah and in the absence of
good ones, you'll settle for me.
Exactly.
Uhhh well... It is an
intriguing offer. Uhhh
I'm not saying yes,
but I'm also not saying no.
Thank you.
You're the best. Hey.
What's wrong?
Its just ummm
this isn't how I imagined
carrying your baby.
You know, I did love you
even if I was too big a jerk to
say it.
I know.
I knew it then
but it doesn't make it any easier.
(music plays)
Hey, so how did it go?
Well uhh, the good
news is she didn't say no.
She's intrigued.
Great.
The other news is that umm
we kind of hooked up.
Very funny.
It wasn't planned.
It just
sort of happened.
Was this before or after you
asked her to carry our babies?
After I was.
I was so excited that she was considering
it... we hugged, which turned into
kissing. Ya, I understand
how hooking up works.
So why are you telling me this?
Because it happened
and we don't keep secrets.
So this is the first time you've done this?
Of course I told you no secrets.
Yeah well, I also thought we
didn't fuck our ex-girlfriends.
Well.
To be fair, we never discussed it.
I didn't think we had to discuss it.
Lots of couples these days aren't
monogamous, especially gay couples.
I thought we were committed to each other.
We're planning to start a family.
I am committed. Nothing has changed.
Nothing except you fucked Candace,
who may end up being the birth mother
of our babies.
Okay. In retrospect,
I can see how that might not have
been one of my wiser life choices.
You think?
Look,
if it's not cool with you,
it won't happen again.
Cool with...
Have I ever given you any
reason to think I'd be cool with it?
No, but umm...
But what?
But we never actually, ya know talked
about how this could work long term.
So what are you saying?
You want to open things up, now
that we're about to become parents?
I dont know, I just.
I know you still think about women.
So do I.
Thinking and doing are totally different.
I know, I know. It's just.
Doesn't the thought of
never having sex with anyone
but me for the rest of your life
scared the hell out of you? No.
Well, you're a better man than me.
Clearly,
(music plays)
Youre not seriously planning to sleep
here, you probably still smell like her.
I showered.
You know,
if we're in it for the long haul, we
need to be able to talk about anything.
I thought we were in it for the long haul,
but apparently we have different
ideas about what that means.
Okay, maybe we do.
But how shutting me out
gonna resolve those differences?
I'm hurt.
Okay. I think I'm entitled to be hurt.
You are.
Look I fucked up.
I don't want to get all
Freudian or anything.
But don't you think it's
awfully coincidental that you cheated on me
while we were planning the biggest
commitment a couple can make?
It wasn't exactly cheating, and we
never committed to being exclusive.
Really?
You want to discuss
technicalities right now?
Ill be in the guest room if you need me.
You sure you dont want
to go stay with Candace.
Yeah, I'm sure.
(childrens music box plays)
(door knock)
Hi. Cadens not here, he had a gig today.
I uhh, came to see you.
Can I come in?
I'm assuming Caden told
you about what happened.
I came here to apologize.
I feel terrible. And
if you'll still have me,
I'd like to offer to be
your surrogate.
(music plays)
That's above and beyond
as an apology goes. The
apology and decision are separate.
I thought about it a lot. And
and the fact is, I
I loved Lily.
And I love you and Caden.
And frankly, I would love to
have some money in my bank.
But um more importantly,
it would be a way for me to honor
the love that the three of you shared.
It would make me really
happy to do this for you.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure
it's such a great idea.
I'm not still in love with him Beau,
and I am not trying to get him back.
What happened was a
a last spasm of nostalgia,
and it won't happen again.
I, I promise.
Can I think about it?
Yes, of course.
(sigh)
Im going to go.
What was so important that
you had to see me right now?
Hi, Liza. It's good to see you.
You look great. Oh, please don't lie to me.
I look like I haven't had a good
night's sleep in weeks because I haven't.
Um I I'm sorry. This won't take long.
Can I come in? No, you can't come in.
I dont want to explain to my
children why my ex-boyfriend
is having an emotional breakdown
in the middle of the living room.
Okay, so, you know, my wife died last year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I uh, I'm sorry Beau.
What you might not have heard
is that I'm now in a relationship
with her brother.
Oh, God, I didn't see that coming.
Me neither.
But in taking care of Lily, we became uh...
started to depend on each other,
love each other.
So you're gay now?
I dont know,
bi, maybe?
I guess? I mean if you
have to put a label on it.
Oh, well, please don't
do that in my account,
but can you get to the part that
has something to do with me?
Kids!
If I have to come in there,
you're not going to like it.
I can see this isn't a great time. No.
The the thing is, my guy...
Caden, he slept with his ex.
Oh. A woman. Oh.
Oh, if you're here to
even the score, I'm not...
Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
No, it just got me wondering about
this whole relationship. Uh-huh.
Was it really what both
of us wanted, or did we...
just fall into this because we...
needed each other?
How am I supposed to know I
never met Lily or your brother in law?
I know, but once upon a time, you
knew me better than anyone else.
Yeah, that was a long time ago.
And you are clearly not the same person.
And neither am I.
No, but.
I'm not quite sure what
you're looking for, Beau?
I mean, do
do you want my blessing?
Because you have it. Go be happy.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not it.
I guess I just want to understand,
why didn't we work out?
I mean werent we happy?
At least for a while?
Pfff oh, you want the truth?
Ummmm, I got bored.
You got bored?
You know, I mean,
I think that we were a little too similar,
and there just wasn't much of a spark.
You know I mean, you were
you are a really great guy.
Just a straight arrow, huh?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Got that one wrong.
So you needed someone a little
wilder?
No, I think we both needed
somebody to challenge us.
I found that in Ted. And from what I heard,
you found that in Lily, and
maybe now in her brother
Thanks.
Alright uh, I appreciate your help, and
I'm glad you found what
you were looking for.
Yeah, my life's a real party!
Uhhh, good luck, Beau.
I hope it all works out.
(door opens)
Beau? In here.
You're still doing that?
Candace came by the house this afternoon.
Oh? She came to apologize,
and to tell us that
she wants to be our surrogate.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
I told her wed get back to her.
I mean, do you even still want to do this?
Do we still want us?
Nothing has changed for me, Beau.
I love you.
Then why did you have to fuck her?
I've been thinking about this all day.
I think I was just scared. Well, great.
Because now I'm scared to.
I went to see
Liza today. Minnelle?
No, my ex
before Lily.
Oh, right. And?
And I managed not to have sex with her.
Look, I didnt consciously
try to sabotage this.
But that's probably
exactly why it happened.
You still love her?
No, not like that. You want out? No.
Because we both kind
of just fell into this.
Maybe we're just not meant
to be together. No, I don't.
I don't believe in meant too.
But I believe in you.
And I believe in us. You're my best friend.
And when I let you down, this feeling
in the pit of my stomach, this ache,
I can't even describe it. It.
It's terrible.
I don't believe in soul mates.
But in my heart, I...
I know you and I share
something irreplaceable.
I do believe in soul mates.
And I thought Lily was mine.
And maybe it's crazy, but part of
what I love about you is your Lilyness
All the ways you two are alike.
The ways you push me
out of my comfort zone.
Maybe we're just too different.
No, no. No.
I don't believe that. No, sure
we're different in a lot of ways, but
we're alike in ways that matter.
How can you be sure?
I can't.
I mean, that's why commitment is so scary.
But I'm more scared of
losing you and of losing this
life we started building together.
That's the way I feel, too.
But you said I wasn't good enough for you.
That's not what I said.
You said the thought of
never having sex with anyone
else was terrifying.
A marriage and monogamy
worked for you and Lily that doesn't
mean they're going to work for you and me.
I know, I'm old fashioned,
and I know we never made any promises,
but the kind of guy I am, I am all in.
I couldn't even imagine raising
kids together unless I felt that way.
I'm all in too, but I guess for
me, sex is different from love.
Of course they're different.
And of course it's not going to be as
exciting now as it was in the beginning.
That's normal. I know,
but I still don't like it.
Neither do I.
Why can't we explore
new ways of keeping things
exciting together?
I didn't know that you'd want to explore
anything too exciting.
I mean you almost had a stroke
when I brought home that butt plug.
Because it was the size of a traffic cone.
Okay. Okay.
I may have overreached with that one.
If we're both still attracted to women,
what about
sharing one?
Really?
Youd be down for that?
Just not Candace.
Right.
A neutral third party.
You make it sound like we
should hire a notary public!
Is that what they do?
I've always wondered.
I'm liking this idea.
But no one who looks like Lily.
I'm kinky, but I'm not that kinky.
I think we're safe.
Lily was one of a kind.
So am I still exiled to the guest bedroom?
I'm so sorry.
I nearly screwed this up.
I love you, you know.
Really, really.
You really did
screw this up.
Now, there's no way
Candace can be our surrogate.
Why not?
Because every time I see
her, I'm going to be imagining
the two of you fucking.
You do have to admit,
its kind of a hot mental
picture? Haha.
That's part of the problem.
You're the one my heart belongs to.
(bumps soda can)
Oh uhh... I just clean here, maybe uhh...
Okay.
Okay.
(music plays)
Thanks for coming into town guys.
Of course.
Now tell us what's wrong?
Nothing's wrong.
You're not sick, are you?
Your mother couldn't
take it if you were sick.
No, I'm fine, Dad.
I'm really good.
Beau and I are happy.
That's good.
I know you don't want to talk
about it, or think about it... but we,
won't have that luxury for much longer.
What does that mean?
Beau and I are planning to have a baby.
Babies.
Actually. Lily's babies.
Hey, are ready to
hear our specials?
Umm, can you give us a minute please?
I dont understand?
Lily froze some of her eggs?
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah, that's kind of big news.
Which is why I didn't want
to just tell you over the phone.
That's beyond big.
I know I've been a disappointment to you.
You think I'm a heathen
and probably a degenerate.
Oh Caden, we don't
think any of those things.
We don't pretend to understand your life,
but we know you are a good person
and you are going to
make a wonderful father.
Thanks, Mom.
So if we do this, will you be...
Of course!
I would love to carry the babies.
What?
That's what...
you were going to ask, right?
I mean, it's not like you and Beau
could do it? Unless I'm seriously behind
on how far reproductive
technology has come?
No, no, of course we can't.
But we don't expect you too.
I know you think I'm ancient,
but I'm actually in great shape.
Sure. Sure. Mom. But aren't you?
You know?
Past menopause.
Oh Caden.
I'm not going to be conceiving
the baby, just carrying them.
You need to do your research.
Its... what do the kids call it? Ohh...
It's a thing.
That actually is not
what I was going to ask.
I just wanted to be sure you and Dad
would want to be a part of the kids lives.
Well of course.
How could you even ask that?
Nothing would make us happier.
Abigail, have you lost your mind.
Two men raising babies?
That is not what God intended.
Oh, how can we presume
to know what God intends?
The Bible is very clear.
The Bible was written
thousands of years ago and is
open to all sorts of interpretations
and misinterpretations.
Besides,
I don't recall any restrictions
on a mother carrying her own
daughter's babies if she
can't carry them herself.
Wow, that's umm
very progressive.
Uh... well I dont know about that
I just want grandchildren!
And if I have to push them
out myself, then so be it.
So, when is all this happening?
I should probably start
knitting booties right away.
Whoa, slow down Mom.
There's plenty of time.
And I still have to discuss
your offer with Beau.
Candace is also willing
to carry the babies.
Oh. Oh, well, that's
very generous of her,
but she should wait and
carry her own baby someday.
For me, this would be a
privilege, not just a favor.
What about me?
Dont I have a say in this?
Oh, honey, I really want to do this.
Are you going to forbid me?
Would that work?
Okay, just calm down.
Before we let this
escalate to World War three.
Mom, we need to make sure that
you're not putting your health at risk.
Oh I'm strong as an ox!
I know, but let's get
everything checked out.
Okay?
In the meantime, I should probably start
knitting sweaters, blankets, booties.
My gosh, there is so much to do.
Well, I should have realized that for you,
more than anything, this
would be a knitting opportunity.
So I told you about how excited my
mom is at the thought of being a grandma?
Which I expected also, as
expected, your dad really not on board
with the idea of two
men having babies? Right.
Umm but I think I forgot to tell
you the weirdest part, though...
She offered to
be our surrogate.
How could you forget to mention that?
I guess I didn't forget.
It just didn't seem important, right?
Were not asking my
mom to carry our babies.
Why not?
Why not? Because it's my mom.
I don't want my kids coming out
the same vagina I came out of.
That's just too weird.
Oh, really?
Now things are too weird.
What do you think this is a good idea?
Well,
she volunteered, right?
And theyd be her own grandkids.
Plus, there's the added benefit
that you haven't had sex with her?
(Huff) You're still not past that?
Come on. Candace is the
much stronger candidate.
Because she's younger?
Maybe?
But your mom's already
given birth to twins.
We know she can do it.
But, Candace, we don't have to worry
about her getting emotionally attached.
We already have enough
to worry about with my mom
and trying to keep her from
stealing these kids to raise herself.
She's not going to do that.
I think I know my mom a little bit
better than you do. Okay, granted.
But we won't let her.
We wouldn't move forward with
the surrogacy until she was
completely clear on her role.
No, no, I'm just not comfortable
with having our surrogate be my mom.
No. Plus, my dad is dead set against it.
I mean, you should have seen his face.
He hates the whole idea
of us having these babies.
I'm not comfortable with the
idea of it being your ex girlfriend.
Who you recently fucked.
(music)
Do you think we should get married?
Why are you proposing?
I don't know?
I mean, we're having kids together.
Shouldn't we be married?
Are you worried about your parental rights?
Does your name is going to be
with mine on the birth certificate?
No, I'm not worried about that.
I just.
Is this something you want?
Is pretty important to me with Lily.
I'm no Lily.
Hey, don't do that.
That's not what I meant.
I love you, you know that.
I know.
But marrying again, even someone
Lily pretty much handpicked for me,
it just feels.
Like it's me that just doesn't feel right?
Umm no, you feel fantastic.
All right. Seriously. Seriously!
Hey, you don't want to get married?
Not right this minute?
Not until we figure out
this whole monogamy thing.
I told you nothing will ever happen
with Candace, again.
I know we are planning a lifetime together.
And if you can't imagine ever
having sex with anyone else,
then we've got some figuring out to do.
Okay. You said you'd be
down for bringing in a third.
Have you thought
any more about that.
As matter of fact, if you look for,
ohhh... people seeking
threesomes in our neighborhood,
you get about a million guys
looking to have sex with two women
and a grand total of three women
looking to have sex with two guys.
Three, huh?
Are any of them cute?
They're all attractive.
But you're still not sold on the idea?
I'm sorry.
Really, I am. I just.
I grew up with the idea of romantic
love being between a man and a woman,
and I had to stretch myself
almost to the breaking point
to wrap my head around
it being between a man
and a another man.
I don't know if I can accommodate it being
between a man, another man and a woman.
Okay. Okay.
We're not talking about love.
We're talking about sex.
I know, but I've never
been any good at casual sex.
Well, maybe Im good enough
at it for the two of us.
Okay.
Okay. Come on.
You can't deny that we
would be very hot thriple.
Did you just make up that word?
No, its a thing.
Oh, maybe I'm just too
old for this brave new world.
You've still got a lot of
good life in you, old man.
You just got to find that
somebody who gives you
a stiffy! Oh god.
(door knock)
Well, hi.
You must be Chad and Jeremy.
Yeah, yes, right on.
That's us, Chad and Jeremy.
Come on in.
I have to admit, I'm kind of
surprised you agreed to come here.
I mean, you don't know us, and... Oh.
Don't worry.
I posted all about this on my insta.
So if I show up missing, you'll have a shit
ton of people on your doorstep in no time.
Oh, okay.
Well, I think that's
smart, but as you can see, as advertised,
just two nice regular guys
looking to have some fun.
Well, just so you know, I'm all for spit
roasting, but what I'm really
here for is double penetration.
You guys up for that? Sure.
Okay.
And I don't care
which one of you gets the front seat,
which one of you gets the back seat?
I mean, we can flip a coin for it,
or just see who ends up where... So
in here or in the bedroom?
Uhh, the the bedroom.
I think... it's just
head and... To the left.
(music plays)
Well, what are you both doing over there?
Yeah.
Oh? (Nuhuh)
I want to see you to kiss first.
Oh, okay. Oh.
Oh. Huh.
Nuhuh huh, grab that.
Yeah.
Oh. No, you don't need those.
I'm on birth control.
And prep.
Yeah, no offense, but Im wearing one.
Yeah, me too.
Suit yourself.
Oh, you got any lube in there?
Now lie down.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, oh fuck.
Oh, oh.
Okay.
Now your turn.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, I am fantastic.
Oh, now fuck the shit
out of me, both of you.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I can feel you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Hey, guys, guys, I'm still right here.
Right, right.
Sorry.
Well,
your rhythm needs a little work,
but overall, it's a solid B
plus.
I didn't realize we were being graded.
Honey, you're always being graded.
Whether they tell you that or not.
Oh, well, I better go.
I'm going to pick up
my kids from the sitter.
You have kids? Yes.
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know.
You didn't mention it in your profile.
I mean, I'm not looking for a
boyfriend, so it's hardly relevant?
But, I would be up for a repeat play date.
If you both are?
Umm, I think we need to process this. It's
you were our first.
Yeah,
I could tell.
Well, text me if you want to go again.
Oh. Please, boys, relax.
I think I can find my way out.
(music plays)
Shower?
Yes. Please.
Soo... was that hot?
Or just sleazy? Both.
What do you mean? Youre just upset
We didn't get an A, arent you?
It was our first time.
We should have been graded on a curve.
We should change the sheets.
Ahhh! What's wrong?
I saw something move?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I think she gave us crabs.
And just like that, the balance
tips from hot... and right over
into sleazy!
Youre sure twice through is enough?
With all that bleach...
pretty sure?
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can do this again.
I know it was my idea.
I agree. We're going to have children soon.
We can't be bringing
strangers into the house.
And frankly, I don't
think I'm going to have
the time or energy to be dealing with...
Im not arguing with you. I get it.
But this was interesting,
fun, even Beau but...
I don't know how this can
fit into the rest of our lives.
Except that you're not going
to be happy with just me.
So where does that leave us?
I don't know?
I want to believe that I can be faithful.
I just don't know.
I don't want to make a promise
and then not be able to keep it.
So we're back where we started.
Except now we have crabs.
Good news!
Your spunk turned out
to be perfectly normal,
and we were able to
create five viable embryos.
Now all we need is a surrogate.
I'd be happy to help you find one.
Actually, we've got two
potential candidates.
My mother and my ex-girlfriend.
Are there any issues with a woman in
her mid-fifties carrying twins to term?
Yeah. I don't even know where to begin.
With all the issues you
two bring to the table.
Medical issues. Right?
Well, I would need to do
a thorough examination
and blood work before
I could say. Of course.
But a young, healthy woman in her early
thirties would be a much stronger Candidate
Right? Perhaps.
Dr. Nguyen I don't mean
to put you on the spot, but
we can't seem to come
to a decision about this.
I'm not thrilled about using his eggs.
He's not thrilled about using his mom.
And neither of us like the
idea of using a stranger.
Why dont we try this.
Bring both women in.
Let me examine them, and
then we let science decide.
Yes, that makes sense.
I agree.
(childrens music box plays)
(music)
(childrens music box plays)
I want to thank you both
so much for coming down.
Of course, you need
to be sure that I'm in tip top shape.
Ohh. I'm sure you are, Mrs.
Munoz,
but the fact remains that carrying twins
would put an enormous strain on your body.
I ran a marathon last year.
Have you run a marathon?
Well, no. Youre a
very sweet girl.
Candace, I always liked you,
but when it comes to strength
and endurance, it's really no contest.
I may not run marathons, but
I work out five times a week.
I'm in great shape.
I bet I'm stronger than you.
Why don't we just find out? Mom.
No. I am tired of being treated
like some frail old woman.
Ive been taking Krav Maga classes.
Whheewww!
You're not here to battle it out for
the honor of carrying these babies.
That's right.
The doctor's going to decide.
Whatever he says goes.
Okay,
Well, great job guys.
Both these women are excellent candidates.
Okay?
But one of them has to be a
better choice than the other.
Medically speaking, no. Oh, fuck.
So now we have to make the decision, which
is going to make one of them mad at us.
I, I, I don't see why?
They're both obsessed.
My mom tried to arm wrestle
Candice, for Christ's sake.
No, no, no, no.
I don't see why they
both can't be surrogates.
Listen, you want two kids, right?
Twins are risky for both the women
and the kids. You let them both carry,
they're both happy. Double your chances,
minimize the risk.
I mean, the only downside I
could see is the added cost.
It might be the best of both
worlds. Or possibly even worse.
I don't think so.
Either way, they're going
to be part of our lives,
so why not make the choice
with the least amount of risk,
that will also make them both happy?
This is already
costing us a fortune,
which I can't help with.
Id rather spend the extra money
and have everyone happy and healthy.
Well, I don't suppose this
clinic offers a volume discount?
You guys supportive?
Totally. Good.
I'm glad.
So...
what excitement did
you get into this evening?
Oh, you know, the usual.
I had few strippers over, smoked some meth.
Hahaha, did you want
to do something like that?
One last time before the kids get here?
Strippers have never really been my thing.
And anything stronger than an
antihistamine scares the hell out of me.
What about you and your wild oats?
Any wild oats you want sow?
No. I think they've already been sown.
But I still can't promise
that years from now I...
Okay,
so don't promise.
Really.
But that wouldn't be fair to you. (sigh)
I think we've already
established life isn't fair.
True. But
I mean, could you really like that?
I think so.
I know you. You love me.
And if something happens apart from that,
maybe I don't need to know.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Not now, not ever.
So don't lie.
Just omit.
Look, I know you still jack off to hetero
porn. So do I. We don't talk about it?
This could be like that.
But if you bring home an
STD or get somebody knocked
up, I'll fucking kill you.
Well, that seems fair. Hmm.
(knock at door)
Mom, are you okay?
We were starting to worry. Oh.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I wasted time trying to
get your father to come.
Ohhh, he's never going to approve.
Hello, everyone.
Once these kids are here, no one is
going to dote on them more than he will.
Oh, I know, I know, Mom.
Just come on and sit down.
Well, I wholeheartedly approve.
I think you two are going
to make amazing parents.
Absolutely. And what can I get you?
Maybe a cup of tea.
.
I'll just have what everyone is having.
Ok, he's treating you like a pregnant lady.
They've been all over me too.
And everyone else is pretty much
having champagne, so you might as well
have them grab you a
cup of tea. It's no trouble.
Umm, green tea with honey, right?
Yes. Only if it doesn't
have caffeine, though.
I dont want to excite the
baby. That happens to you too?
Yeah,
If I have a coffee or even a coke,
this devil starts kicking
like a soccer player.
Oh have you guys figured out any names yet?
Yeah, we,
we made a list if you want help. Thanks.
Thanks, guys. But we've got this.
We're still figuring
out our son's name, but
our daughter will be Lily.
Sorry.
Pregnancy hormones.
So how about these...
presents?
You guys are cleaning up?
Oh, we are so grateful to all of you.
Yes, thank you for coming
and for supporting us in this um,
this crazy adventure.
And we hope you guys are going
to continue to be part of our lives
and our children's lives. Absolutely.
We're going to need a lot of help.
You got this man, and
we're always here for you.
You know that I want to
be a part of these kids lives.
At whatever level you're comfortable with?
You know, if you can
use time off, a night out.
You can call me.
I'm sure they will...
if we're not available.
And we can babysit.
Right, guys?
Absolutely. Of course.
Alex and I are great with kids.
We both got nieces and
nephews coming out of our asses.
Okay, that's great.
We'll keep you guys in my too.
You all are so sweet.
But really, it's not necessary
because we've raised twins,
so we know how to do it.
Okay, chill, everyone.
We've got two babies on the way,
so there will be plenty to go around.
As long as grandma gets first dibs.
You all heard it.
Grandma called dibs! Okay.
Now that that's settled,
let's see what goodies
we've got? Open mine.
Yes, mom.
Thank you.
Alright uhhh...
Ya thats right?
Wow! What! Look at that!
Look at that! So cute! Let me see!
These are beautiful. These are great!
What is? Oh, I love this.
This is going to be perfect.
Oh, yeah.
It's a diaper bag. Wow
it has a chin strap too!
Its a diaper bag! This is perfect.
I love it!
I can't believe another
year has gone by already.
This is kind of becoming a tradition.
Hello?
The twins are due in a couple
of weeks, it could be years before
we get back up here.
Maybe?
Maybe we can each bring one in those
cool papoose things.
They can come with us
when we celebrate and
remember Lily.
Can you hold this for a sec, I
just have something I got to do.
Pee break?
Be careful.
I saw some poison oak over there.
What are you doing?
You cant...
This isnt a pee break Beau
this is a proposal.
Beau, youve made me a very happy man.
Would you do me the honor
of making me your husband?
I thought you didn't want to get married.
I never really got married. The whole,
till death do us part thing
seemed so old fashioned, right?
I can't imagine my life without you.
And I want to show our kids
how much we love each other.
Oh they will know, because
they'll see it every day.
Oh, does that mean you
dont want to marry me?
No, it means I don't have to marry you.
I don't need a piece of paper.
But I do want to marry you.
Is that a yes? Can I stand up?
If I recall, that's
how it works. Uhhh?
Ah, are we hyphenating?
Is that code for something dirty?
Because if youre down for some nookie,
I am too.
We just have to steer clear of
the poison oak. No, no, our names.
So we have the same last names as the kids.
Oh, right.
The Stanton-Munoz family. I like it!
Or the Munoz-Stanton family?
Well figure it out.
(music plays)
...but Ill live with maybes
and wondering why.
If that means I still have hope.
Why not?
Sounds like wallowing.
We're not wallowing
Were remembering.
Did you think we'd still
be together, a year later?
I tried not to have any speculations.
Okay, no. I didnt. Not really.
Yeah, me neither. But, I hoped
Happy anniversary, by the way.
Yeah, you too.
Are you happy, Beau?
Sometimes.
Sometimes very happy.
I know we made the right choice but,
love doesnt fix everything, does it?
No. So besides missing Lily, whats broken?
I wouldnt say broken.
But you know, someday Id like
to be able to pull my own weight.
You know I don't think... you do.
Im still not paying rent.
You know, I don't care.
I know, but I care. I do care.
You're really talented.
Business is getting steadily better.
Youll get there.
Can't cook for shit.
You're not that bad.
The standards are low.
Lilly couldnt cook either.
True. What else?
Nothing. Otherwise life is perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
Okay.
Life is good.
You're good and were good together.
Surprisingly good.
Youre a silly man.
Yes, but you need a
little silliness in your life.
Are you expecting something?
Its from my attorney.
Is it something about Lily
My love.
Forgive me for haunting you like this,
but since I don't believe in an afterlife,
This is the only way I can haunt you.
And I figured you'd
need some healing before
you could give this idea
the consideration it deserves.
I know this past year must have been hard.
I probably can't even imagine how hard.
I hope you and Caden have found
a way to help each other through it.
Enclosed is a bill.
It's up to you to decide
whether to continue paying.
I have frozen ten of my
prime pre chemo eggs.
I know you've always wanted to be a father.
It was always my plan to be a mother.
That obviously isn't going to happen.
But if you want, you could
still have a child that is ours.
No pressure. I'll never know either way.
But it's given me a bit of
comfort here at the end.
To think of you holding and loving
the child that is part of both of us.
Do what will make you happy.
Having you as my husband.
Made me incredibly happy.
I hope you know that.
And every part of you.
Holy crap.
You didn't know about this?
No, no, of course not.
I thought you guys shared everything.
So did I.
Well, Lily always did have
a flair for the dramatic
No shit.
Hey, was Lilly, right?
Have you always wanted kids?
I mean, yeah, it was
always the life I imagined.
Wife, kids.
I guess Im not much of a wife.
No, but youre a damn good
best friend with benefits.
So that's what we're calling it?
I still have no idea what to call it.
At work I refer to you as my partner.
Which sounds like we. Started
an accounting firm together.
Oh, well, with my friends, I
just call you my fuck, buddy.
You do not!
No. I say boyfriend.
It's very middle school,
but it's better than partner.
What about you, you
never imagined being a dad?
I always thought I'd been awesome uncle,
to the kids you and Lily had.
But, um I never imagined myself as grown up
enough to be a dad or have kids in my own.
And what about now.
Are you asking me if I
want to have kids with you?
I don't know.
We're just talking hypothetically.
Okay, uhhh well, hypothetically.
I think I got to get back to you.
For what it's worth.
I think you would make a great dad.
Whats that smell?
Uhhh, snickerdoodles?
Well, more like snickerdoodle flavored
charcoal. The first batch didnt go well.
But this time, I'm setting the timer.
Thanks.
Why the sudden baking frenzy?
Some of my most vivid childhood memories
are mom baking,
Lily and I used to sneak these off the
cooling rack while they were still warm.
Why the nostalgia?
Your mom's okay, isn't she?
Yeah, she's fine. Dad too.
Look, if we do decide to have
a kid, I just want to be able
to create the same kind
of memories, you know?
I get it.
But not all positive memories
have to do with baked goods.
Whoa.
We are not raising our kids in some
kind of gluten free, sugar free zone.
Our kids,
I never thought any two
words could be that terrifying.
I thought you were
committed to the kid idea.
What? No.
I mean, I love kids.
I want kids.
But this isn't exactly how
I imagined having them.
With me, you mean?
You realize you'd be their
father and their uncle?
Now hows that not likely to be confusing?
Are you sure the
confusion is just for them?
Like having kids together would mean
that this or us is more than just
a phase.
To be honest, at first
That's what I thought.
They say everyone grieves in their own way.
And I thought maybe this was mine.
It was more than that.
It always was more for me.
But I also know that we never
would have gotten together
if we hadn't gone through
losing Lily together.
That doesnt make it less real though.
Does it? No.
No, it doesn't.
But this year, our whole relationship
has been in a kind of bubble.
We don't really hangout with your friends.
We dont really hangout with my
friends, we won't have any couple friends,
which bothers me.
You cant raise kids that way.
Right.
As they say, it takes the Village People.
It's funny.
Seriously, any kid of ours is going
to have two dads and a dead mom.
It's not exactly the Brady Bunch.
No, not exactly.
What are we going to do jump
into the gay parenting community.
I don't even know if I
should call myself gay?
Oh trust me, kids don't give a
shit how their parents identify.
They just accept whatever they get.
We can be daddy and papa or
dad and pops and thatll just be that.
I guess.
But they do need a
community to be a part of.
We can't raise them in a vacuum.
And that all starts with us
being comfortable as a couple.
Know, having kids together is more
than just a commitment to them.
It's you and me and
committing to each other.
You ready for that?
I think so.
Are you?
I mean, you know how
commitment phobic I've always been.
I do.
But I know that I love you
and I want to be ready.
And maybe that's as close as
someone like me is going to get.
No pressure.
Keep thinking about it.
Meantime, I think I'm going to call the
cryo-facility and pay for the next year.
Good. Mmm.
But I do think we should get out of
our bubble, start being more social.
Okay.
What do you have in mind?
No clue.
It's not like I have a ton of friends.
But would it be cool
if I invited over the guys to watch
the game with us this weekend?
Of course.
And I think it's sweet that you
want to become Betty Crocker
to our imaginary children.
But kids
don't need homemade cookies
if they have love and stability.
Private school.
Well,
Oh shit, I forgot to set the
timer. Im not fucking up this batch.
Alright. The game doesn't
start for another few minutes.
Everyone got everything they need.
Yeah. Yep.
Yep. Good.
Okay. Uhhhhh.
I think I know what everybody's thinking.
Which one of us is the man?
And which one of us is the woman?
Nah, dude. We just all
assumed you were the girl.
Oh, fuck off!
Ya,
I was kind of wondering that.
Seriously, Grady.
He brought it up.
You can't pretend like
it's not kind of weird.
Caden got laid more
than any of us in college.
Dude had game.
Hey, I still have game.
It's just not limited to the ladies.
Actually, it never was. Oh.
I called it. See I knew.
He swung both ways.
Jesus, Mike, you're not exactly psychic.
Caden told us that,
like, a million years ago.
He did not.
I did. The night we graduated.
I remember. It's just.
We're fucked up that night.
I didnt take it seriously.
Besides, I mean, who hasn't
had a bit too much to drink
and let a guy go down on him?
You know, it's not like it's
it doesnt make you gay or bi or whatever?
It's just like, come on
Caden back me up here.
Yo, sorry dude
No one put me in charge
of handing out the gay cards.
Yeah, uhh but youre not like gay
gay though, right?
Because, like, I mean, like, you know uhh.
Candace, that was real?
Yeah, that was very real.
All right, guys, this just
isn't that complicated.
He likes girls.
He likes guys. This is no big deal.
Yeah, but you got to, like,
one more than the other.
Right now, I like Beau
more than anyone else.
And that is all that matters.
Look umm,
I understand the curiosity
The truth is, were figuring it out.
That's cool.
That's real cool.
And don't let Grady's incredibly
insensitive comments worry you.
He's just, being Grady.
He lacks the filter that
normal people have.
Ah, but I do have a filter.
You all should hear the shit I don't say.
That is truly frightening.
I can't imagine.
But I would pay to read it.
Are we going to actually watch the game?
Or are we going to sit here and listen to
him talk about where Caden puts his dick?
Come on. (game noise)
I. I mean, either is
interesting but you know.
Oh come on. Yeah.
(Game noise)
Thanks for cleaning us out
of snacks and beer, assholes.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
For what?
It was good to have some
company over for the game.
Really?
It started off a bit weird
and Grady is kind of a lot.
Yeah, but.
Josh and Mike seem cool.
Oh, they are.
And Grady's a good guy
once you get to know him.
I can see that
Josh is the one who's married
and has a kid, he's kind of
like the grown up in a group.
He was in the military, before college.
So you're saying he's old like me?
I was saying... that it might
be nice to have friends with kids.
You know if we
go down that path.
Yes, I agree.
I don't think I ever realized
how straight they all are.
Theres nothing wrong with straight.
I thought I was straight for
the first 39 years of my life.
Yeah, I know.
But I just feel like at this point, maybe
we should try hanging out
with a more diverse crowd.
(music plays)
It's so good to see you Beau.
And you, to Caden.
Although, I have to admit, I
didn't imagine you two together
in a million years.
Join the club.
It's so great to finally meet you guys.
Alex has told me the whole story.
I think it's really hot.
I mean, not the part about Lilly dying.
That was terrible. Obviously.
Two straight men falling in love.
My God.
Thats the stuff of gay romance novels.
I wasn't exactly straight.
Well, yeah, of course.
But you really only dated women, right?
I dated. Yeah.
Yeah.
Beau was the real deal, though.
Never even had a jack off.
Buddy in high school.
Right.
Right. Sorry.
You know, Lily tended to overshare.
So, now do you consider yourself
what?
Gay, bisexual, sexually fluid?
Honestly, I don't.
I still feel like the same person.
Ive always been, always
used to be straight.
But now Im in love with Caden.
Well, whatever you call it.
I know Lily would be
proud, of the both you.
And I know she didn't
believe in an afterlife.
But I have to think, she's
around here somewhere.
Just looking at the two of
you and going, mmmhmmmm
To Lily.
To Lily.
It was good to see Aiden, and
he seems really happy with Alex.
Great guys.
Yeah, great.
Super gay though. So very very...
Which is obviously fine, obviously.
But uhh God, when Aiden went
off on that rant about Ginger Minj.
At first I thought he
was talking about a cat.
I thought it was like an,
Oral hygiene problem. I did not...
Ohh God, we are hopeless.
I just think there are too many seasons
of RuPaul's Drag Race behind us now.
We're never going to catch up.
Do you want to get caught up.
With all the cool shows
on Netflix and Prime.
Girl's got to have her priorities
right?
I... I don't think I'll
ever feel comfortable
referring to myself with
female pronouns, even as a joke.
Even with you.
Sorry.
Yeah. Id probably die of
shock if you ever did. (laughing)
Salads done.
How are the burgers coming along?
Hmmmm, another 5 minutes. Alright.
What? Nothing.
You just, look like such a dad.
What am I getting a dad bod?
No, no, that's not what I meant.
I just remember my dad grilling
burgers and hot dogs every summer,
lots of good memories.
If we did have kids,
would I be the mom?
Well, you have the hips for it!
What I meant was, who
would be the primary parent?
Somebodys got to handle
all the doctor's appointments
the middle of the night feedings,
kissing the booboos when they fall down.
Wed share all that.
No gender roles right?
We split everything 50/50.
Does that make the most sense though?
Youve got a real job.
That's how we have such a nice house.
How someday we'll be
able to afford private school.
So you want to be the mom?
Hence the attempt at cookie baking.
I don't know.
I guess I'm trying it on.
It seems to make the most sense.
Maybe, logistically.
But is that what you want?
I just don't know.
I know I could be a fantastic uncle.
I think I could be a good dad.
I just.
I don't know if I could
handle being a mom. Oh.
(radio playing) Uh can
you drive around the block?
Im not done with the grocery list.
Since when
do we have a grocery list?
Since I started cooking better
meals. Im planning recipes,
so that means buying specific
things. Not just picking up
whatever crap seems appealing
between the beer isle and the chips isle.
Do you hear yourself?
You sound like...
Don't, dont say it.
I like them all.
(music plays)
I'm not sure this was a good idea.
Why not? Theyre here to help gay
couples who are thinking about having kids?
Were not exactly a gay couple.
Were certainly not a
straight couple. Hi, everyone.
Please take a seat. My
name is Beth Getting started.
...and a couple of years ago
I was sitting where you are.
And now my wife and I
have a beautiful baby girl.
I'm not going to lie.
It's been a long, expensive and
sometimes traumatic journey to parenthood.
But for us it's been so worth it.
And maybe it'll be worth it for you, too.
We're going to show a brief
presentation and then afterwards
we'll answer questions
(music plays)
Ok then if no one else has any questions,
that ends the formal part of the meeting.
Stick around. Get to know each other.
There's coffee and snacks in the back.
So what did you think?
Umm, lot's of great information.
Hey. Hey.
What's the hurry?
We don't know any of these people. Right?
And we won't if we don't talk to them.
It just, I don't know how to
act around groups of gay people,
Lily was fine, she was so social.
I could just be the cool silent
straight guy hanging out with his wife.
Hey, newsflash.
You were never cool and
apparently not entirely straight.
Point taken, but I could smile
and nod and let Lily take the lead.
Now I'm in an actual
relationship with a guy.
The gays expect me to be
one of them, and I'm just not.
Makes it hard to connect.
Okay. Okay.
People connect around a common interest.
All these people are thinking
about having kids just like us. Ok true.
So let's go talk to them.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, hi.
I'm Caden.
This is Beau.
We were thinking about having a baby.
Well, yeah, that's kind of
what brought us all here.
Right, obviously.
Are you thinking of surrogacy or adoption?
Surrogacy?
Definitely.
Yeah, there's ummm.
There's a bit of a story there.
Hi. So Beau wants us to have kids.
You're having trouble
conceiving, am I right?
Sorry.
But seriously, bro, congrats.
I haven't agreed yet.
Why, you love kids?
I dont know, I mean were really solid.
And I do love kids.
But... Whoa, what's the hold up?
It's just.
How did you and Haley know you were ready.
Dude,
If people waited until they were ready,
the human race would have died out by now.
Yeah, but isn't having
kids before you're ready
the reason why the
human race is so fucked up?
I mean, maybe.
But you're not going to fuck it up
any worse than the rest of us, right?
How do you know? Okay.
Being a parent is playing for keeps.
I have never had a relationship
that I couldn't get out of.
That's bullshit.
You've never been able to escape
being your parents son or Lilly's brother?
Ya, that, that's different.
No, it's. Not.
It's family.
And you've always shown up for family.
What you did for Lilly
that was above and beyond.
Yeah, but I wanted to do that for Lilly.
And you don't think you're going
to want to be there for that kid?
Trust me, once you see its tiny,
scrunched, angry red little face,
you're going to melt.
I know you, man. You're going to kill this.
No, that's just it.
I'm worried that I might actually kill it.
Don't babies have that soft,
squishy part of their heads
where you might actually poke their brains
out? Caden that squishy part is adorable.
And you're not going to
poke anybody's brains out.
You don't know that.
I'll read the books and all, but
I don't know shit about babies.
You think I did? Like,
you'll figure it out.
You're dumb, but you're not that dumb.
Are you sure?
You and Beau babysit sometime?
We could use the break,
and it'll give you a sense of
what it's like to take care of a kid.
I dont know?
I feel like if I accidentally.
Kill your kid, it might put
a strain on our friendship.
And the freezing of human eggs
is still relatively new, so we don't
know how long they'll be viable.
So we should use them
sooner rather than later.
Yeah.
All the evidence suggests that they'll
be good for many years, but I want
you guys to know that
eggs aren't the only factor.
Men's sperm become less viable as they age.
Youre like what, 50?
Just turned 40.
Actually.
Okay.
Oh, you're serious? Oh, okay.
Well, if you're serious about
it, we should do a sperm count.
And if it's all good, we
should freeze a sample.
Your gametes will never be in
better shape than they are right now.
And you seem younger.
Your sperm should be in terrific shape.
The eggs are my sister's so hard pass.
Oh, yuck.
That wasn't in my file. Lily was my twin.
Isn't there an increased chance of
twins or even triplets with in vitro?
You know, there used to be.
But now we can screen
pretty effectively for viability,
and we only implant one embryo at a time.
But we could still do
two if we want to. Yeah.
If your surrogate says yes.
I don't see why not, Doc. Never
mind the surrogate. What about me?
I haven't even agreed to one yet.
But we don't want an
only child, though right?
And if we're planning
on having more than one,
doesn't it make sense to do
them both at the same time?
I, I, I, I don't know.
I, this is happening awfully, awfully fast.
Oh, shh shh sh.
Why dont you boys take some time.
Think about what we've discussed.
And in the meantime.
I'd really like to collect your sperm.
I was speaking professionally.
You guys got that right?
I was that.
I wasn't.
Sorry.
I got a little panicky, but Jesus twins.
I don't know. You just sprung that on me.
We haven't even really
decided if we want one yet.
Actually, I have.
I've decided.
What?
I don't want to pressure you but,
I think we can make it work.
The world is fucked up, you know.
And then we would be bringing
a life... or lives into this mess.
The world has always been fucked up.
These kids will have two parents who
love them and would do anything for them.
That's more than most people get.
(music playing)
Plus, with your genes and Lily's genes,
I guess they'll be super
smart and gorgeous.
Some of those genes are yours too you know?
Yeah.
I know.
I guess it's kind of cool, but
I'm mostly excited for
a bit of Lily to live on.
So that kind of sounds
like you want to do this.
No, no, that.
That's not what I
said. I don't not want it.
I just.
I'm thinking that that... Breathe Caden.
Hi, Caden.
Oh, hi Haley.
Hi, Milly.
Milly say hi to Uncle Caden.
You're not really my Uncle.
No, no Im not
Lily, why don't you go
play with your friends?
Mommy come with me. I
want to talk with Caden.
You go have fun.
Please, Mommy, please. I
dont want to play by my... Justin?
Thanks again for watching
Milly this afternoon.
Josh and I so appreciate it.
Oh, are you kidding me?
You guys are doing me a favor.
I have this theoretical idea that I love
kids, but Im barely ever around them.
Yeah, Josh was saying you and Beau
are thinking of having some of your own.
Yeah, we are.
Well, uhh Beau really wants them.
I just, uh.
I don't know.
I mean, they're so adorable.
I've never really taken on
that much responsibility.
I usually break out into a rash at the
thought of signing a six month lease.
I'm not kidding.
I mean the responsibility
of another human life.
That, that's terrifying.
Ya no shit.
I lost Milly once in a
mall for, like, a minute,
and I seriously thought my
heart was going to explode.
It was pounding so hard.
Oh, but at least women
have those maternal instincts.
I mean, what do I have?
Your good looks?
Come on, Caden.
You care.
Ya but you really think that's good enough?
Don't get me wrong,
you're going to fuck up.
We all fuck up.
But the good parents are
the ones trying not to fuck up
and thatll be you and Beau.
You haven't even really met Beau yet.
I know that if you do this, it'll
be because you both really want it
and not because it happened
or because it's expected.
Milly was planned, but I can't tell you
how many of the people
I went to high school with
are having kids because it's time or
uhhh because their birth control failed,
or because they were too drunk
or high to worry about birth control
in the first place. Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a pretty shitty reason
to bring new life to the world.
Agreed.
(music plays)
It's a grilled cheese sandwich.
It was my favorite when I was your age.
I'm lactose intolerant.
Oh, shit.
UUhhhh, okay.
Shucks, shucks, shucks.
I said shucks, if your mom asks.
You're busted?
I am busted. Don't worry.
My dad says that word all that time. Oh.
My mom says I'm not supposed to say it
unless I'm talking about actual poop.
Then it's okay. But poop is still better.
Yeah. Your mom is a wise woman.
I guess I should have asked
you what you wanted for lunch.
I'm sorry.
I thought grilled cheese was a cant miss.
I'm not hungry.
Can we go play outside? Outside?
Like in the street?
In the yard.
No one plays in the street.
Oh, right.
Do we have, like, a ball... or anything?
I wouldn't have thought a four year old
would know the term lactose intolerance.
Oh, we're lucky she spoke up.
Most kids would have
just eaten the sandwich.
And we would have to
explain to Josh and Haley why
their daughter has the runs.
She's a great kid.
I have to tell you, it's only been a
couple of hours and I'm exhausted.
Well, buckle up, buttercup.
You're going to have twins
youre going to be exhausted.
24/7, for years.
Yeah, but it'll be worth it.
Kids are such... oh crap.
Whered she go?
Milly, where are you?
Honey, we can't play hide and go seek
without everyone knowing we're playing.
Check in the front.
I'll check in the house. Yeah.
Milly
Oh, come on, Milly.
Please dont be kidnapped or dead.
Milly! Honey, you in here?
Milly?
Milly? Privacy please.
I don't need grownups to help
when its just number one.
Okay, honey, just
let us know if you need anything
Is she with you?
Yes, she's here.
Uhhh, just took a pee break,
and she's four, so she
doesn't need our help.
Just FYI.
Ok
Lily
if any part of you remains out there
in the universe, please.
I need you.
Fuck, what am I.
What am I doing?
Hey, Babe.
Sorry to bother you.
I know you're working, but umm...
Yeah, I need you.
Okay, whats up?
Can you uhhh
be Lily for a minute?
Look, I'm all for role
playing but... Look, I just.
I just need Lily to help
me make this decision.
About parenthood?
Yes. I never made a decision
this big without talking to her.
And, you know, it's like she
can just see through my bullshit,
and she doesn't just cheerlead.
She gives it to me straight.
Can you do that for me?
Oh, I'm not going to imitate her, but
I can try to put myself in her mindset.
Okay.
Thanks, umm here it goes.
I think I may be too selfish
a person to be a good parent.
Are you the man who dropped everything
to become a world class caregiver
to his sick sister?
No, that wasn't unselfish.
I did that because I love Lily so much.
And not not that that I
needed to be here with her.
What makes you think you won't
feel that way about your own kids?
But that's what Josh said.
But but what if I don't?
I think every parent worries about
that, but it hardly ever happens.
And maybe that's why nature
makes all baby mammals so adorable.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I mean, you know, maybe possums are cute,
but they grow up to be freaking hideous.
Well, chances are really strong.
These kids are going to be adorable.
And even if they're not, I bet youll
instantly love them beyond all reason.
And if I don't.
Maybe not in an instant, but I know you.
You are so full of love.
I can't imagine you won't find a nice
big chunk of it for these small creatures
who depend on you.
I think that's what scares me.
Yeah.
I'm like the world's most grown up.
Grown up.
And even my heart skips a beat
when I think about how
much they're going to need us.
Especially at first.
Right.
I mean, how on earth do people do this.
The way they accomplish anything?
Self-delusion.
They focus on the good and then
deal with the bad as best they can.
Isn't that pretty much what I said.
That help?
I mean right at the end there
I think I was mostly just
being mean, not Lily... but
Maybe, but I think Lily
would have said pretty
much the same thing.
For what it's worth, I think
she'd want this for you, for us.
Yeah. Yeah, she would.
But you can't do it for her
or for me.
You have to do it
because it's what you want.
I know, and I do want it.
It's just.
I don't know if I can handle it.
It wont be just you, itll be us.
And I think we can handle.
In fact, I think we'll be great.
We worked as a team and
didn't panic when we lost Milly.
Oh, we can't ever tell
Haley and Josh about that.
Ever. Take it to our graves
(childs bell chime)
Beau... Beau, wake up.
What?
Are we having an earthquake?
Just metaphorically. Huh?
Our lives are about to be shaken,
were going to be parents.
And that means you need to start
getting used to being woken up suddenly
in the middle of the night.
And so you decided? I decided.
Thank you.
I'm not doing it for you.
I know.
Thank you for being the kind of man
whos willing to push past his fears.
Am I feeling what I think Im feeling?
Maybe?
You know, that's not how we're
going to make these babies.
Yeah, but you dont want to
stop trying, do you? Not at all.
You're okay with us
trying for twins, right?
Yeah.
I've only ever known being a twin, so,
you know, in a way it makes perfect sense.
But it does mean twice as
many diapers, twice as much
everything. Ya but at least
we get it all out of the
way at the same time.
You don't have to convince me.
Im in. I just hope we
know what we're doing.
We probably don't.
But your parents managed to muddle
through it, and I'm sure we will too.
Yes, we will, Daddy.
Maybe, don't, call me that.
I'm just enough older than you...
Yeah, no, I heard it the
moment it came out of my mouth.
You sure you don't want
me to come in and help?
That would be weird.
I bet people do it all the time.
I bet they don't.
Once you give them your samples,
How long before we
know if the sperm is viable?
Uhhh a few days, I think.
Yeah.
So do they like, take one and
just, like, inject it into the egg...
or do they take the egg and just
drop it in a big pool of your splooge
and let the best one win?
What?
I have no idea.
I guess that's a question
for Doctor Nguyen.
And when
(music plays)
(love making sounds)
(music and building climax)
So to what do I owe this honor?
I hardly see you anymore.
Yeah, sorry. We've been pretty busy.
Kind of a lot going on, actually.
So things are going well?
Yeah, yeah.
Really well.
If you remember I always liked Beau.
Long before you did.
Yeah, I know.
You were always smarter than me. Oh, yeah.
Well, here I am, still stuck
working a nowhere job for shitty pay.
Okay.
That's kinda what I
wanted to talk to you about.
You have a job for me.
If you're finally moving
into nude photography,
I expect top dollar and
I have photo approval.
No
No, that's. That's not it.
But it's good to know your terms. And
uhh... you do have the body for it.
Thanks.
Uh, so what is it then?
Okay, theres kind of
no, unawkward way to say it.
So I'm just going to come out and say it.
Have you ever thought
about being a surrogate?
Seriously?
Yeah, seriously.
Lily froze some eggs. Holy shit.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Umm Beau
and I have been thinking really hard on
it and we decided wed like to try it out.
And you're not about to ruin your figure.
Okay. Wed pay you, of course.
And we did a little research
and 25K is pretty standard.
Plus we cover medical expenses, obviously.
$25,000.
I mean, you could finally go
back to school and finish school or
or bank it for a rainy day.
Wow, uh yeah, uhh this
is a lot to think about.
I know.
And we don't expect an
answer right away, but umm
will you consider it?
Would you want me to be involved in,
the kid's life? Absolutely.
And there might be two kids.
Oh my, holy shit.
Umm Im sorry, I know
I said that already, but...
No, no, it bears repeating.
And because no matter
who carries the babies,
we'd hope that you'd like to be,
Aunt Candace.
These kids are going to
need good female role models.
Yeah and in the absence of
good ones, you'll settle for me.
Exactly.
Uhhh well... It is an
intriguing offer. Uhhh
I'm not saying yes,
but I'm also not saying no.
Thank you.
You're the best. Hey.
What's wrong?
Its just ummm
this isn't how I imagined
carrying your baby.
You know, I did love you
even if I was too big a jerk to
say it.
I know.
I knew it then
but it doesn't make it any easier.
(music plays)
Hey, so how did it go?
Well uhh, the good
news is she didn't say no.
She's intrigued.
Great.
The other news is that umm
we kind of hooked up.
Very funny.
It wasn't planned.
It just
sort of happened.
Was this before or after you
asked her to carry our babies?
After I was.
I was so excited that she was considering
it... we hugged, which turned into
kissing. Ya, I understand
how hooking up works.
So why are you telling me this?
Because it happened
and we don't keep secrets.
So this is the first time you've done this?
Of course I told you no secrets.
Yeah well, I also thought we
didn't fuck our ex-girlfriends.
Well.
To be fair, we never discussed it.
I didn't think we had to discuss it.
Lots of couples these days aren't
monogamous, especially gay couples.
I thought we were committed to each other.
We're planning to start a family.
I am committed. Nothing has changed.
Nothing except you fucked Candace,
who may end up being the birth mother
of our babies.
Okay. In retrospect,
I can see how that might not have
been one of my wiser life choices.
You think?
Look,
if it's not cool with you,
it won't happen again.
Cool with...
Have I ever given you any
reason to think I'd be cool with it?
No, but umm...
But what?
But we never actually, ya know talked
about how this could work long term.
So what are you saying?
You want to open things up, now
that we're about to become parents?
I dont know, I just.
I know you still think about women.
So do I.
Thinking and doing are totally different.
I know, I know. It's just.
Doesn't the thought of
never having sex with anyone
but me for the rest of your life
scared the hell out of you? No.
Well, you're a better man than me.
Clearly,
(music plays)
Youre not seriously planning to sleep
here, you probably still smell like her.
I showered.
You know,
if we're in it for the long haul, we
need to be able to talk about anything.
I thought we were in it for the long haul,
but apparently we have different
ideas about what that means.
Okay, maybe we do.
But how shutting me out
gonna resolve those differences?
I'm hurt.
Okay. I think I'm entitled to be hurt.
You are.
Look I fucked up.
I don't want to get all
Freudian or anything.
But don't you think it's
awfully coincidental that you cheated on me
while we were planning the biggest
commitment a couple can make?
It wasn't exactly cheating, and we
never committed to being exclusive.
Really?
You want to discuss
technicalities right now?
Ill be in the guest room if you need me.
You sure you dont want
to go stay with Candace.
Yeah, I'm sure.
(childrens music box plays)
(door knock)
Hi. Cadens not here, he had a gig today.
I uhh, came to see you.
Can I come in?
I'm assuming Caden told
you about what happened.
I came here to apologize.
I feel terrible. And
if you'll still have me,
I'd like to offer to be
your surrogate.
(music plays)
That's above and beyond
as an apology goes. The
apology and decision are separate.
I thought about it a lot. And
and the fact is, I
I loved Lily.
And I love you and Caden.
And frankly, I would love to
have some money in my bank.
But um more importantly,
it would be a way for me to honor
the love that the three of you shared.
It would make me really
happy to do this for you.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure
it's such a great idea.
I'm not still in love with him Beau,
and I am not trying to get him back.
What happened was a
a last spasm of nostalgia,
and it won't happen again.
I, I promise.
Can I think about it?
Yes, of course.
(sigh)
Im going to go.
What was so important that
you had to see me right now?
Hi, Liza. It's good to see you.
You look great. Oh, please don't lie to me.
I look like I haven't had a good
night's sleep in weeks because I haven't.
Um I I'm sorry. This won't take long.
Can I come in? No, you can't come in.
I dont want to explain to my
children why my ex-boyfriend
is having an emotional breakdown
in the middle of the living room.
Okay, so, you know, my wife died last year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I uh, I'm sorry Beau.
What you might not have heard
is that I'm now in a relationship
with her brother.
Oh, God, I didn't see that coming.
Me neither.
But in taking care of Lily, we became uh...
started to depend on each other,
love each other.
So you're gay now?
I dont know,
bi, maybe?
I guess? I mean if you
have to put a label on it.
Oh, well, please don't
do that in my account,
but can you get to the part that
has something to do with me?
Kids!
If I have to come in there,
you're not going to like it.
I can see this isn't a great time. No.
The the thing is, my guy...
Caden, he slept with his ex.
Oh. A woman. Oh.
Oh, if you're here to
even the score, I'm not...
Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
No, it just got me wondering about
this whole relationship. Uh-huh.
Was it really what both
of us wanted, or did we...
just fall into this because we...
needed each other?
How am I supposed to know I
never met Lily or your brother in law?
I know, but once upon a time, you
knew me better than anyone else.
Yeah, that was a long time ago.
And you are clearly not the same person.
And neither am I.
No, but.
I'm not quite sure what
you're looking for, Beau?
I mean, do
do you want my blessing?
Because you have it. Go be happy.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not it.
I guess I just want to understand,
why didn't we work out?
I mean werent we happy?
At least for a while?
Pfff oh, you want the truth?
Ummmm, I got bored.
You got bored?
You know, I mean,
I think that we were a little too similar,
and there just wasn't much of a spark.
You know I mean, you were
you are a really great guy.
Just a straight arrow, huh?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Got that one wrong.
So you needed someone a little
wilder?
No, I think we both needed
somebody to challenge us.
I found that in Ted. And from what I heard,
you found that in Lily, and
maybe now in her brother
Thanks.
Alright uh, I appreciate your help, and
I'm glad you found what
you were looking for.
Yeah, my life's a real party!
Uhhh, good luck, Beau.
I hope it all works out.
(door opens)
Beau? In here.
You're still doing that?
Candace came by the house this afternoon.
Oh? She came to apologize,
and to tell us that
she wants to be our surrogate.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
I told her wed get back to her.
I mean, do you even still want to do this?
Do we still want us?
Nothing has changed for me, Beau.
I love you.
Then why did you have to fuck her?
I've been thinking about this all day.
I think I was just scared. Well, great.
Because now I'm scared to.
I went to see
Liza today. Minnelle?
No, my ex
before Lily.
Oh, right. And?
And I managed not to have sex with her.
Look, I didnt consciously
try to sabotage this.
But that's probably
exactly why it happened.
You still love her?
No, not like that. You want out? No.
Because we both kind
of just fell into this.
Maybe we're just not meant
to be together. No, I don't.
I don't believe in meant too.
But I believe in you.
And I believe in us. You're my best friend.
And when I let you down, this feeling
in the pit of my stomach, this ache,
I can't even describe it. It.
It's terrible.
I don't believe in soul mates.
But in my heart, I...
I know you and I share
something irreplaceable.
I do believe in soul mates.
And I thought Lily was mine.
And maybe it's crazy, but part of
what I love about you is your Lilyness
All the ways you two are alike.
The ways you push me
out of my comfort zone.
Maybe we're just too different.
No, no. No.
I don't believe that. No, sure
we're different in a lot of ways, but
we're alike in ways that matter.
How can you be sure?
I can't.
I mean, that's why commitment is so scary.
But I'm more scared of
losing you and of losing this
life we started building together.
That's the way I feel, too.
But you said I wasn't good enough for you.
That's not what I said.
You said the thought of
never having sex with anyone
else was terrifying.
A marriage and monogamy
worked for you and Lily that doesn't
mean they're going to work for you and me.
I know, I'm old fashioned,
and I know we never made any promises,
but the kind of guy I am, I am all in.
I couldn't even imagine raising
kids together unless I felt that way.
I'm all in too, but I guess for
me, sex is different from love.
Of course they're different.
And of course it's not going to be as
exciting now as it was in the beginning.
That's normal. I know,
but I still don't like it.
Neither do I.
Why can't we explore
new ways of keeping things
exciting together?
I didn't know that you'd want to explore
anything too exciting.
I mean you almost had a stroke
when I brought home that butt plug.
Because it was the size of a traffic cone.
Okay. Okay.
I may have overreached with that one.
If we're both still attracted to women,
what about
sharing one?
Really?
Youd be down for that?
Just not Candace.
Right.
A neutral third party.
You make it sound like we
should hire a notary public!
Is that what they do?
I've always wondered.
I'm liking this idea.
But no one who looks like Lily.
I'm kinky, but I'm not that kinky.
I think we're safe.
Lily was one of a kind.
So am I still exiled to the guest bedroom?
I'm so sorry.
I nearly screwed this up.
I love you, you know.
Really, really.
You really did
screw this up.
Now, there's no way
Candace can be our surrogate.
Why not?
Because every time I see
her, I'm going to be imagining
the two of you fucking.
You do have to admit,
its kind of a hot mental
picture? Haha.
That's part of the problem.
You're the one my heart belongs to.
(bumps soda can)
Oh uhh... I just clean here, maybe uhh...
Okay.
Okay.
(music plays)
Thanks for coming into town guys.
Of course.
Now tell us what's wrong?
Nothing's wrong.
You're not sick, are you?
Your mother couldn't
take it if you were sick.
No, I'm fine, Dad.
I'm really good.
Beau and I are happy.
That's good.
I know you don't want to talk
about it, or think about it... but we,
won't have that luxury for much longer.
What does that mean?
Beau and I are planning to have a baby.
Babies.
Actually. Lily's babies.
Hey, are ready to
hear our specials?
Umm, can you give us a minute please?
I dont understand?
Lily froze some of her eggs?
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah, that's kind of big news.
Which is why I didn't want
to just tell you over the phone.
That's beyond big.
I know I've been a disappointment to you.
You think I'm a heathen
and probably a degenerate.
Oh Caden, we don't
think any of those things.
We don't pretend to understand your life,
but we know you are a good person
and you are going to
make a wonderful father.
Thanks, Mom.
So if we do this, will you be...
Of course!
I would love to carry the babies.
What?
That's what...
you were going to ask, right?
I mean, it's not like you and Beau
could do it? Unless I'm seriously behind
on how far reproductive
technology has come?
No, no, of course we can't.
But we don't expect you too.
I know you think I'm ancient,
but I'm actually in great shape.
Sure. Sure. Mom. But aren't you?
You know?
Past menopause.
Oh Caden.
I'm not going to be conceiving
the baby, just carrying them.
You need to do your research.
Its... what do the kids call it? Ohh...
It's a thing.
That actually is not
what I was going to ask.
I just wanted to be sure you and Dad
would want to be a part of the kids lives.
Well of course.
How could you even ask that?
Nothing would make us happier.
Abigail, have you lost your mind.
Two men raising babies?
That is not what God intended.
Oh, how can we presume
to know what God intends?
The Bible is very clear.
The Bible was written
thousands of years ago and is
open to all sorts of interpretations
and misinterpretations.
Besides,
I don't recall any restrictions
on a mother carrying her own
daughter's babies if she
can't carry them herself.
Wow, that's umm
very progressive.
Uh... well I dont know about that
I just want grandchildren!
And if I have to push them
out myself, then so be it.
So, when is all this happening?
I should probably start
knitting booties right away.
Whoa, slow down Mom.
There's plenty of time.
And I still have to discuss
your offer with Beau.
Candace is also willing
to carry the babies.
Oh. Oh, well, that's
very generous of her,
but she should wait and
carry her own baby someday.
For me, this would be a
privilege, not just a favor.
What about me?
Dont I have a say in this?
Oh, honey, I really want to do this.
Are you going to forbid me?
Would that work?
Okay, just calm down.
Before we let this
escalate to World War three.
Mom, we need to make sure that
you're not putting your health at risk.
Oh I'm strong as an ox!
I know, but let's get
everything checked out.
Okay?
In the meantime, I should probably start
knitting sweaters, blankets, booties.
My gosh, there is so much to do.
Well, I should have realized that for you,
more than anything, this
would be a knitting opportunity.
So I told you about how excited my
mom is at the thought of being a grandma?
Which I expected also, as
expected, your dad really not on board
with the idea of two
men having babies? Right.
Umm but I think I forgot to tell
you the weirdest part, though...
She offered to
be our surrogate.
How could you forget to mention that?
I guess I didn't forget.
It just didn't seem important, right?
Were not asking my
mom to carry our babies.
Why not?
Why not? Because it's my mom.
I don't want my kids coming out
the same vagina I came out of.
That's just too weird.
Oh, really?
Now things are too weird.
What do you think this is a good idea?
Well,
she volunteered, right?
And theyd be her own grandkids.
Plus, there's the added benefit
that you haven't had sex with her?
(Huff) You're still not past that?
Come on. Candace is the
much stronger candidate.
Because she's younger?
Maybe?
But your mom's already
given birth to twins.
We know she can do it.
But, Candace, we don't have to worry
about her getting emotionally attached.
We already have enough
to worry about with my mom
and trying to keep her from
stealing these kids to raise herself.
She's not going to do that.
I think I know my mom a little bit
better than you do. Okay, granted.
But we won't let her.
We wouldn't move forward with
the surrogacy until she was
completely clear on her role.
No, no, I'm just not comfortable
with having our surrogate be my mom.
No. Plus, my dad is dead set against it.
I mean, you should have seen his face.
He hates the whole idea
of us having these babies.
I'm not comfortable with the
idea of it being your ex girlfriend.
Who you recently fucked.
(music)
Do you think we should get married?
Why are you proposing?
I don't know?
I mean, we're having kids together.
Shouldn't we be married?
Are you worried about your parental rights?
Does your name is going to be
with mine on the birth certificate?
No, I'm not worried about that.
I just.
Is this something you want?
Is pretty important to me with Lily.
I'm no Lily.
Hey, don't do that.
That's not what I meant.
I love you, you know that.
I know.
But marrying again, even someone
Lily pretty much handpicked for me,
it just feels.
Like it's me that just doesn't feel right?
Umm no, you feel fantastic.
All right. Seriously. Seriously!
Hey, you don't want to get married?
Not right this minute?
Not until we figure out
this whole monogamy thing.
I told you nothing will ever happen
with Candace, again.
I know we are planning a lifetime together.
And if you can't imagine ever
having sex with anyone else,
then we've got some figuring out to do.
Okay. You said you'd be
down for bringing in a third.
Have you thought
any more about that.
As matter of fact, if you look for,
ohhh... people seeking
threesomes in our neighborhood,
you get about a million guys
looking to have sex with two women
and a grand total of three women
looking to have sex with two guys.
Three, huh?
Are any of them cute?
They're all attractive.
But you're still not sold on the idea?
I'm sorry.
Really, I am. I just.
I grew up with the idea of romantic
love being between a man and a woman,
and I had to stretch myself
almost to the breaking point
to wrap my head around
it being between a man
and a another man.
I don't know if I can accommodate it being
between a man, another man and a woman.
Okay. Okay.
We're not talking about love.
We're talking about sex.
I know, but I've never
been any good at casual sex.
Well, maybe Im good enough
at it for the two of us.
Okay.
Okay. Come on.
You can't deny that we
would be very hot thriple.
Did you just make up that word?
No, its a thing.
Oh, maybe I'm just too
old for this brave new world.
You've still got a lot of
good life in you, old man.
You just got to find that
somebody who gives you
a stiffy! Oh god.
(door knock)
Well, hi.
You must be Chad and Jeremy.
Yeah, yes, right on.
That's us, Chad and Jeremy.
Come on in.
I have to admit, I'm kind of
surprised you agreed to come here.
I mean, you don't know us, and... Oh.
Don't worry.
I posted all about this on my insta.
So if I show up missing, you'll have a shit
ton of people on your doorstep in no time.
Oh, okay.
Well, I think that's
smart, but as you can see, as advertised,
just two nice regular guys
looking to have some fun.
Well, just so you know, I'm all for spit
roasting, but what I'm really
here for is double penetration.
You guys up for that? Sure.
Okay.
And I don't care
which one of you gets the front seat,
which one of you gets the back seat?
I mean, we can flip a coin for it,
or just see who ends up where... So
in here or in the bedroom?
Uhh, the the bedroom.
I think... it's just
head and... To the left.
(music plays)
Well, what are you both doing over there?
Yeah.
Oh? (Nuhuh)
I want to see you to kiss first.
Oh, okay. Oh.
Oh. Huh.
Nuhuh huh, grab that.
Yeah.
Oh. No, you don't need those.
I'm on birth control.
And prep.
Yeah, no offense, but Im wearing one.
Yeah, me too.
Suit yourself.
Oh, you got any lube in there?
Now lie down.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, oh fuck.
Oh, oh.
Okay.
Now your turn.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, I am fantastic.
Oh, now fuck the shit
out of me, both of you.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I can feel you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Hey, guys, guys, I'm still right here.
Right, right.
Sorry.
Well,
your rhythm needs a little work,
but overall, it's a solid B
plus.
I didn't realize we were being graded.
Honey, you're always being graded.
Whether they tell you that or not.
Oh, well, I better go.
I'm going to pick up
my kids from the sitter.
You have kids? Yes.
Why wouldn't I?
I don't know.
You didn't mention it in your profile.
I mean, I'm not looking for a
boyfriend, so it's hardly relevant?
But, I would be up for a repeat play date.
If you both are?
Umm, I think we need to process this. It's
you were our first.
Yeah,
I could tell.
Well, text me if you want to go again.
Oh. Please, boys, relax.
I think I can find my way out.
(music plays)
Shower?
Yes. Please.
Soo... was that hot?
Or just sleazy? Both.
What do you mean? Youre just upset
We didn't get an A, arent you?
It was our first time.
We should have been graded on a curve.
We should change the sheets.
Ahhh! What's wrong?
I saw something move?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I think she gave us crabs.
And just like that, the balance
tips from hot... and right over
into sleazy!
Youre sure twice through is enough?
With all that bleach...
pretty sure?
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can do this again.
I know it was my idea.
I agree. We're going to have children soon.
We can't be bringing
strangers into the house.
And frankly, I don't
think I'm going to have
the time or energy to be dealing with...
Im not arguing with you. I get it.
But this was interesting,
fun, even Beau but...
I don't know how this can
fit into the rest of our lives.
Except that you're not going
to be happy with just me.
So where does that leave us?
I don't know?
I want to believe that I can be faithful.
I just don't know.
I don't want to make a promise
and then not be able to keep it.
So we're back where we started.
Except now we have crabs.
Good news!
Your spunk turned out
to be perfectly normal,
and we were able to
create five viable embryos.
Now all we need is a surrogate.
I'd be happy to help you find one.
Actually, we've got two
potential candidates.
My mother and my ex-girlfriend.
Are there any issues with a woman in
her mid-fifties carrying twins to term?
Yeah. I don't even know where to begin.
With all the issues you
two bring to the table.
Medical issues. Right?
Well, I would need to do
a thorough examination
and blood work before
I could say. Of course.
But a young, healthy woman in her early
thirties would be a much stronger Candidate
Right? Perhaps.
Dr. Nguyen I don't mean
to put you on the spot, but
we can't seem to come
to a decision about this.
I'm not thrilled about using his eggs.
He's not thrilled about using his mom.
And neither of us like the
idea of using a stranger.
Why dont we try this.
Bring both women in.
Let me examine them, and
then we let science decide.
Yes, that makes sense.
I agree.
(childrens music box plays)
(music)
(childrens music box plays)
I want to thank you both
so much for coming down.
Of course, you need
to be sure that I'm in tip top shape.
Ohh. I'm sure you are, Mrs.
Munoz,
but the fact remains that carrying twins
would put an enormous strain on your body.
I ran a marathon last year.
Have you run a marathon?
Well, no. Youre a
very sweet girl.
Candace, I always liked you,
but when it comes to strength
and endurance, it's really no contest.
I may not run marathons, but
I work out five times a week.
I'm in great shape.
I bet I'm stronger than you.
Why don't we just find out? Mom.
No. I am tired of being treated
like some frail old woman.
Ive been taking Krav Maga classes.
Whheewww!
You're not here to battle it out for
the honor of carrying these babies.
That's right.
The doctor's going to decide.
Whatever he says goes.
Okay,
Well, great job guys.
Both these women are excellent candidates.
Okay?
But one of them has to be a
better choice than the other.
Medically speaking, no. Oh, fuck.
So now we have to make the decision, which
is going to make one of them mad at us.
I, I, I don't see why?
They're both obsessed.
My mom tried to arm wrestle
Candice, for Christ's sake.
No, no, no, no.
I don't see why they
both can't be surrogates.
Listen, you want two kids, right?
Twins are risky for both the women
and the kids. You let them both carry,
they're both happy. Double your chances,
minimize the risk.
I mean, the only downside I
could see is the added cost.
It might be the best of both
worlds. Or possibly even worse.
I don't think so.
Either way, they're going
to be part of our lives,
so why not make the choice
with the least amount of risk,
that will also make them both happy?
This is already
costing us a fortune,
which I can't help with.
Id rather spend the extra money
and have everyone happy and healthy.
Well, I don't suppose this
clinic offers a volume discount?
You guys supportive?
Totally. Good.
I'm glad.
So...
what excitement did
you get into this evening?
Oh, you know, the usual.
I had few strippers over, smoked some meth.
Hahaha, did you want
to do something like that?
One last time before the kids get here?
Strippers have never really been my thing.
And anything stronger than an
antihistamine scares the hell out of me.
What about you and your wild oats?
Any wild oats you want sow?
No. I think they've already been sown.
But I still can't promise
that years from now I...
Okay,
so don't promise.
Really.
But that wouldn't be fair to you. (sigh)
I think we've already
established life isn't fair.
True. But
I mean, could you really like that?
I think so.
I know you. You love me.
And if something happens apart from that,
maybe I don't need to know.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Not now, not ever.
So don't lie.
Just omit.
Look, I know you still jack off to hetero
porn. So do I. We don't talk about it?
This could be like that.
But if you bring home an
STD or get somebody knocked
up, I'll fucking kill you.
Well, that seems fair. Hmm.
(knock at door)
Mom, are you okay?
We were starting to worry. Oh.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
I wasted time trying to
get your father to come.
Ohhh, he's never going to approve.
Hello, everyone.
Once these kids are here, no one is
going to dote on them more than he will.
Oh, I know, I know, Mom.
Just come on and sit down.
Well, I wholeheartedly approve.
I think you two are going
to make amazing parents.
Absolutely. And what can I get you?
Maybe a cup of tea.
.
I'll just have what everyone is having.
Ok, he's treating you like a pregnant lady.
They've been all over me too.
And everyone else is pretty much
having champagne, so you might as well
have them grab you a
cup of tea. It's no trouble.
Umm, green tea with honey, right?
Yes. Only if it doesn't
have caffeine, though.
I dont want to excite the
baby. That happens to you too?
Yeah,
If I have a coffee or even a coke,
this devil starts kicking
like a soccer player.
Oh have you guys figured out any names yet?
Yeah, we,
we made a list if you want help. Thanks.
Thanks, guys. But we've got this.
We're still figuring
out our son's name, but
our daughter will be Lily.
Sorry.
Pregnancy hormones.
So how about these...
presents?
You guys are cleaning up?
Oh, we are so grateful to all of you.
Yes, thank you for coming
and for supporting us in this um,
this crazy adventure.
And we hope you guys are going
to continue to be part of our lives
and our children's lives. Absolutely.
We're going to need a lot of help.
You got this man, and
we're always here for you.
You know that I want to
be a part of these kids lives.
At whatever level you're comfortable with?
You know, if you can
use time off, a night out.
You can call me.
I'm sure they will...
if we're not available.
And we can babysit.
Right, guys?
Absolutely. Of course.
Alex and I are great with kids.
We both got nieces and
nephews coming out of our asses.
Okay, that's great.
We'll keep you guys in my too.
You all are so sweet.
But really, it's not necessary
because we've raised twins,
so we know how to do it.
Okay, chill, everyone.
We've got two babies on the way,
so there will be plenty to go around.
As long as grandma gets first dibs.
You all heard it.
Grandma called dibs! Okay.
Now that that's settled,
let's see what goodies
we've got? Open mine.
Yes, mom.
Thank you.
Alright uhhh...
Ya thats right?
Wow! What! Look at that!
Look at that! So cute! Let me see!
These are beautiful. These are great!
What is? Oh, I love this.
This is going to be perfect.
Oh, yeah.
It's a diaper bag. Wow
it has a chin strap too!
Its a diaper bag! This is perfect.
I love it!
I can't believe another
year has gone by already.
This is kind of becoming a tradition.
Hello?
The twins are due in a couple
of weeks, it could be years before
we get back up here.
Maybe?
Maybe we can each bring one in those
cool papoose things.
They can come with us
when we celebrate and
remember Lily.
Can you hold this for a sec, I
just have something I got to do.
Pee break?
Be careful.
I saw some poison oak over there.
What are you doing?
You cant...
This isnt a pee break Beau
this is a proposal.
Beau, youve made me a very happy man.
Would you do me the honor
of making me your husband?
I thought you didn't want to get married.
I never really got married. The whole,
till death do us part thing
seemed so old fashioned, right?
I can't imagine my life without you.
And I want to show our kids
how much we love each other.
Oh they will know, because
they'll see it every day.
Oh, does that mean you
dont want to marry me?
No, it means I don't have to marry you.
I don't need a piece of paper.
But I do want to marry you.
Is that a yes? Can I stand up?
If I recall, that's
how it works. Uhhh?
Ah, are we hyphenating?
Is that code for something dirty?
Because if youre down for some nookie,
I am too.
We just have to steer clear of
the poison oak. No, no, our names.
So we have the same last names as the kids.
Oh, right.
The Stanton-Munoz family. I like it!
Or the Munoz-Stanton family?
Well figure it out.
(music plays)
...but Ill live with maybes
and wondering why.
If that means I still have hope.