Babysitter, The (1995) Movie Script
HEY...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M WALKING.
I'M WALKING. WHERE ARE YOU, UH,
WHERE YOU WALKING TO?
I'M BABYSITTING, MARK.
CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?
WANT TO DO SOMETHING LATER?
IT'S FRIDAY, YOU KNOW.
ARE YOU DEAF? WHAT?
ARE YOU DEAF, MARK?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
AH, COME ON. IT'D BE FUN.
BRING THE KIDS.
I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, MARK,
ALL RIGHT?
HI.
OH, HI.
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
6:40, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE LATE AS USUAL.
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
HARRY, THE BABYSITTER'S HERE.
[HUMMING]
IT WAS GREAT OF YOU TO COME BY
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
NO PROBLEM, MRS. TUCKER.
WE REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
SO WHAT YOU GUYS EATING, HUH?
HAMBURGERS AND COKE.
DAD SAID I COULD STAY UP TILL 10:00.
NOT IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE,
OTHERWISE YOU'RE GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW
AND WITH NO TV.
OH, EXCUSE ME, DEAR,
COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS?
NO PROBLEM.
THANK YOU. THE ZIPPER JUST...
DAD, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON.
OH, PFF.
HONEY, WHERE ARE MY BLUE PANTS, HUH?
WITH ALL YOUR OTHER PANTS, HARRY, UPSTAIRS.
AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING THIS SILLY TIE FOR?
YOU KNOW I HATE IT.
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.
THINK I KNOW YOU SO WELL
I'VE BEEN THINKING NOW HE'S GONE
I FEAR THAT HE RENTED HIS SOUL, DEAR
TAKING--
TAKING IN THE PAPER AND THE FEAR
DON'T HIDE YOURSELF
IF YOU'VE GOT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE...
YOU GOING TO WALK RIGHT PAST ME?
I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
HA. THAT'S FUNNY.
HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE LONER? WHAT'S HIS PROB?
I THINK SHE DUMPED HIM.
HA. REALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANT TO COME OUT WITH ME AND JOEY TONIGHT.
UH, HMM...
CAN I THINK ABOUT IT?
YEAH.
YEAH?
YEAH. THINK ABOUT IT.
SEE YA.
HEY.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
YOUR MOM GOING TO MY FOLKS' PARTY TONIGHT?
YOU TALKING TO ME?
YEAH.
UH, SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE EATING THIS SWILL...
ALONE.
YEAH.
YOU GOT ANY PLANS, MAN?
ACTUALLY, I GOT TO GET HOME.
GOT EARLY PRACTICE TOMORROW.
OOH, PRACTICE. EXCITEMENT.
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED, JACK.
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
COULD I HAVE A BEER?
MAYBE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.
OHH.
CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A SECOND.
JUST CLOSE THEM, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I COME IN HERE.
I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.
NOW, JIMMY, EAT YOUR HAMBURGER, NOT JUST THE POTATO CHIPS.
SEE THAT HE EATS DINNER, DEAR.
HERE'S THE BABY'S BOTTLE.
I'M TOO TOLD FOR A BABYSITTER.
WHOO...
MM...
YOU READY, DARLIN'?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO START DRINKING NOW, HONEY?
HEY, THAT'S A CUTE OUTFIT YOU GOT ON.
THANKS, MR. TUCKER.
WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
YEAH.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YOU, TOO, AND YOU KIDS BE GOOD, NOW. BYE, NOW.
AND YOU BE GOOD, TOO, HUH?
BYE, MOM.
SHE SURE IS A CUTE LITTLE THING.
EAT YOUR HAMBURGER.
HEY, JACK.
WAIT UP, DUDE.
OH, A BEER. I'M SO SHOCKED.
OH, NICE, MARK.
IT'S A NIGHTMARE, ISN'T IT?
YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED, MAN.
HEY, YOU WANT ONE?
I CAN GO GRAB YOU ONE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, MARK?
NOT A WHOLE LOT.
I'M JUST HANGING OUT WITH MY OLD BUDDY JACK.
WE HAVEN'T BEEN BUDDIES FOR A WHILE.
YEAH. I KNOW,
AND THAT'S MY FAULT.
I DON'T KNOW,
I SAW YOU SITTING ALONE IN THE DINER BACK THERE.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU'D BE UP FOR DOING SOMETHING.
OLD TIMES' SAKE OR SOMETHING.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND BACK THERE?
AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER?
OH, YOU MEAN--YEAH.
WELL, SHE'S, UH...
NOTHING SPECIAL, YOU KNOW?
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, THOUGH...
OH, SISTER.
SHE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL, MAN.
YEAH.
SHE'S REALLY GREAT.
SO YOU GUYS AREN'T DOING NOTHING TONIGHT?
WELL...
ACTUALLY, SHE'S BABYSITTING.
BABYSITTING, HUH?
HMM.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE OVER THERE
AT 8:00 OR WHATEVER.
LUCKY MAN. GOD.
IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY,
YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
HMM?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN--
"IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
ARE YOU SAYING YOU WENT OUT WITH HER?
WELL, THAT'S--
I GO OUT WITH A LOT OF CHICKS, YEAH.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
NO REASON, MAN.
OH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MAN.
WHOA, WAIT, HOLD ON. HEY, HEY...
COME ON. YOU PISSED OR SOMETHING?
NO. NO, I'M...
COME ON.
I SAID I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T, UH...
THAT'S WEIRD. SHE NEVER SAID NOTHING TO YOU?
NO, SHE DIDN'T.
WELL, MAYBE SHE SHOULD HAVE.
Go to sleep.
Aren't you tired?
OHH...
I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST THAT GIRL.
WHY, BECAUSE SHE LIKES MY UGLY TIES?
I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST HER WITH THE BABY.
SHE SEEMS... A LITTLE CARELESS.
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE HAD HER BOYFRIEND OVER THE OTHER TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAD A BABYSITTER AS PRETTY AS YOU
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY.
[SIGH]
SO, UH...
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME, HUH?
WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.
YEAH.
HA HA HA--WHOA.
HARRY, I TOLD YOU YOU DID NOT NEED THAT DRINK.
AND ANOTHER THING, THAT GIRL--
THE OTHER TIME, I'M ALMOST POSITIVE
SHE USED OUR BATHTUB AND TOOK A BATH.
I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
JACK, I'M SORRY, MAN.
YOU SURE YOU'RE COOL WITH EVERYTHING?
AGAIN, I'M SORRY, MAN.
I SHOULDN'T--
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING.
JACK?
YOU--
MAN, LAST BALL ALREADY?
THAT'S THE LAST ONE, JACK.
OH...BRRR.
THE THING IS COLD, MAN.
YOU COULD USE THE OLD JACK TOUCH.
GET IT, GET IT.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, LOST.
O.K., SO,
UH...
I GUESS IT'S MY TURN, HUH?
YOU STEP RIGHT OVER HERE.
THIS MACHINE,
I PRETTY MUCH GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT, YOU KNOW?
SO, UH...
WHEN DID YOU GO OUT WITH HER?
JACK, DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
ONE DATE.
THE...MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, UH,
WHAT'S A GUY LIKE YOU DOING ALONE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?
YOU TWO ON THE ROCKS OR WHAT?
I TOLD YOU SHE'S BABYSITTING.
OH, COME ON!
I'M GOING TO TURN THIS OVER RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM ME, MAN,
BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO. TUCKER'S RESIDENCE.
TELL HER A GOOD THING LIKE HER HAS GOT TO BE PASSED AROUND.
HELLO?
HI.
WE SORT OF THOUGHT WE'D DROP BY--
NO, NO...
JACK AND I WERE JUST SAYING, YOU KNOW,
TWO'S COMPANY...
THREE'S AN ORGY.
HUH?
OH, YOU TILTED, MAN.
YEAH. GUESS SO, MAN.
FUCKING BELIEVE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, MARK? YOU'RE RIGHT.
I WOULDN'T TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.
SEE YA.
"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?
"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?
"AM I THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?
AM I...THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?"
HMM.
"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT--
"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT...
"AN INSTRUMENT OF THIS YOU'RE CALLING BACK.
LAY NOT BLAME ON ME IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM."
IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM.
HEY, HEY, JACK.
IT WAS LAST SUMMER.
WHAT?
WHEN I WENT OUT WITH HER. IT WAS LAST SUMMER.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO KNOW, RIGHT?
LISTEN, MARK,
IT'S BEEN GREAT HANGING OUT WITH YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF?
YOU KNOW, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE.
OH, MAN!
O.K., SO THIS IS YOU--
"MARK, WHAT'S THE TIME?
"IT'S 6:00.
HEY, FUCK YOU."
JESUS. YOU ASK ME A QUESTION, RIGHT, AND I'M ANSWERING.
WHAT'S THE REAL STORY?
YOU IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL, HUH?
IS THAT IT?
YOU'RE ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE.
THAT'S COOL.
IT'S HARD TO KNOW IF YOU REALLY LOVE A GIRL
UNLESS YOU'VE FUCKED HER.
WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN?
[SIREN]
SHIT. GO, GO, GO.
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?
OH, MAN,
I'M SORRY, MAN.
AM I THE GREATEST AT SAYING THE WRONG THING?
YEAH, YOU ARE.
THAT'S TWICE.
JACK, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I SHOULD JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE.
LET'S SEE. WHAT DID I DO WITH THAT?
BAM.
LOOK AT THAT FAT GUY.
LET'S BURN IT DOWN.
RELAX. NO ONE CAN SEE US.
OH, JACK, MAN,
COME ON.
THAT'S MY WAY OF SAYING I'M SORRY.
HERE IS TO A NIGHT...
OF ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES.
HEY, MAN,
WHAT THE FUCK?
JACK...
ALL I SAID WAS YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
I'M NOT GONNA CALL HER!
WHAT, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE TUCKERS?
COME ON. THEY'RE ALREADY OVER AT MY HOUSE.
PARTY TIME.
[WHISTLING]
HONEY, COULD YOU PLEASE STOP WHISTLING THAT TUNE?
AND TRY NOT TO DRINK TOO MUCH TONIGHT, O.K.?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH.
HEY, DOLLY, HARRY, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR ANYTHING.
MWAH. HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO LATE.
YOU'RE ONE OF THE FIRST.
OH, YOU TWO.
HI. HI.
COME ON UP.
O.K. ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE.
HI, BERNICE.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
OH, HI, SAM, WILMA, JOE, AUDREY.
HARRY, WHAT'S YOUR POISON?
UH, BOURBON. HI, EVERYBODY. DOLLY?
UM, I'LL TAKE A WINE SPRITZER, PLEASE.
SO, AUDREY, MUST BE ANY DAY NOW.
YOU MUST BE SO UNCOMFORTABLE IN THIS WEATHER.
OH, YEAH.
I'M USED TO IT BY NOW.
HOW ARE THOSE FOUR BOYS OF YOURS?
OH--WE HOPE IT'S A GIRL.
HERE, DOLLY.
OH, THANK YOU.
HOW'S YOUR LITTLE ONE, DOLLY?
OH. OH, HE'S FINE.
HE'S THE MOST PRECIOUS BABY,
BUT IT'S NICE TO GET AWAY.
IT ISN'T EASY.
WELL, IT SURE DOESN'T SHOW, DOLLY.
YOU LOOK YOUNGER EVERY DAY.
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?
SECRET? HA. HAAGEN DAZS.
ALL THOSE CALORIES-- GETTING HER BABY FAT BACK.
HARRY, HAVE A HEART.
HA HA, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
I'LL TAKE A VODKA STRAIGHT UP.
[TV GUNFIRE]
HEY, GUYS...
BITSY...
JIMMY...
YOU'RE A THIEF!
STOP IT.
YOU GUYS, ST-STOP IT.
YOU GUYS, GET OFF!
HA HA HA...
GET OFF.
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
JIMMY, I'M SERIOUS. STOP.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT.
[RING]
JIMMY...GET OFF.
[RING]
[RING]
CAVALRY TO THE RESCUE.
HELLO. TUCKER RESIDENCE.
HI. IT'S JACK.
OH.
HI, JACK.
WHEW...WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM?
WHY ARE YOU BREATHING LIKE THAT?
OH, THE KIDS JUST BEAT ME UP.
OH, REALLY? UH-HUH.
MAYBE I SHOULD COME OVER AND PROTECT YOU.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, JACK.
WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE I'D COME OVER
AND, UH... AND HANG OUT,
WATCH SOME TV OR SOMETHING?
WHEN THE KIDS GO TO SLEEP, WE'D BE ALONE.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON. YOU WANT ME TO, DON'T YOU?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
NO. NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I JUST WANT TO COME SEE YOU
AND WORK THINGS OUT.
NO, JACK.
I TOLD YOU-- I'M NOT READY.
YOU--YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST.
WHY? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
JACK, NO. THAT'S IT, ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TODAY.
N-NOTHING. NOTHING.
JUST WANT TO TALK.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THESE KIDS. BYE.
[CLICK]
SHIT.
GOD!
GOD, DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO?
WHAT'D SHE SAY?
NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
AH, CHICKS, MAN...
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, JACK, IT'S JUST--
WELL, YOU TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS, THAT'S ALL.
AND MY ADVICE SUCKED. I'M SORRY. FORGET IT.
BUT MY POINT IS, CAN'T WE JUST DO SOMETHING TONIGHT?
KNOW WHERE WE CAN GET SOME FREE BEER?
OH, MAN, IT'S FRIDAY. LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK.
IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
IT'S OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
HEY, WHO PLAYS GOLF?
WE'LL MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
CHARLIE WILLIAMS.
LET'S SEE, UH, RICHARD.
TUCKER, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ON THE GREEN TWICE THIS YEAR.
'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS SELLING CARS TO HEELS LIKE YOU.
I'LL GET OUT THERE.
JUST GIVE ME ONE STROKE A HOLE--
I'LL GIVE YOU A STROKE. BEND OVER.
WHAT'S UP, DAD?
HOW YOU DOING?
EVERYONE, YOU KNOW MY SON MARK.
THIS IS MY FRIEND JACK.
JACK, THIS IS SAM.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
HARRY. HARRY, JACK.
HARRY, THIS IS YOUR BABYSITTER'S BOYFRIEND
RIGHT HERE IN THE FLESH.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, SON?
HELLO, JACK. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
USED TO SEE JACK A LOT
WHEN MARK WAS STILL ON THE TEAM.
YOU JUST WON THE ROTARY SCHOLARSHIP, RIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU WERE GREAT LAST SATURDAY.
O.K., O.K., ENOUGH.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
YOU THINK WE COULD USE THE CAR?
UH, KEYS ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
BYE, FELLAS.
YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH FUN.
YOU GOT PRACTICE TOMORROW, JACK.
WONDER WHAT THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING OUT TO CHASE SOME TAIL.
BOY, THOSE WERE THE DAYS, RIGHT?
MM.
FOOTBALL RALLIES,
MOVIE HOUSE BALCONIES.
BARE THIGHS, NO-CONTROL TOPS, NO CROTCHES.
JUST A FLIMSY PAIR OF PANTIES IN THE BACK SEAT.
LIKE A BROKEN BALLOON.
THOSE GOOD TIMES ARE GONE, OLD MAN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO?
WELL...
I DON'T KNOW IF TONIGHT IS ABOUT "WE."
I THINK TONIGHT MAY BE ABOUT YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
DROP IT, MARK.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SAY NO THIS EASY.
THIS IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY, O.K.?
LISTEN.
I DRIVE YOU OVER THERE, DROP YOU OFF,
YOU GIVE HER A COUPLE OF THESE BEERS,
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
YOU ASKED HER IF YOU COULD STOP BY, SHE SAID NO.
WHY?
I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN OVER THERE BEFORE, RIGHT?
THE TUCKERS ARE HERE.
LIKE, WHAT'S THE STORY?
I'M NOT SAYING SHE'S SCREWING AROUND OR ANYTHING,
BUT IT'S LIKE...
YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME AND HER.
TRUST ME.
TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.
COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
JUST LIKE I EXPECTED.
SOME PARTY.
DISHES, NOISE, CLUTTER, FAT,
AND THAT'S WHEN THEY START TO CHEAT ON YOU.
DOLLY, I THINK SOMETHING'S GOING ON AT HOME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I THINK THAT BABYSITTER'S
GETTING A VISIT FROM HER BOYFRIEND.
HARRY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
SUCH AN IMAGINITIVE BOY.
SUIT YOURSELF, BUT I'M GOING TO CHECK IT OUT.
THE ONLY PERSON THE BABYSITTER
NEEDS PROTECTION FROM IS YOU, NOT HER BOYFRIEND,
SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF?
[SIGHS]
HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND MOST DEPRESSING?
THAT FAT DRUNK
WITH HIS BELLY HANGING OVER HIS BELT
IS SOMETHING I'M STUCK WITH
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
SORT OF MAKES YOU WISH THE MARRIAGE VOWS
HAD AN ASSHOLE CLAUSE, DOESN'T IT?
HUSBANDS ARE REALLY DIFFICULT TO PUT UP WITH.
I'VE GOT TO CHECK ON MY--
I FORGOT ABOUT THE HORS D'OEUVRES
IN THE OVEN.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LOVED IT
WHEN BILL CALLED ME YOUNG-LOOKING TONIGHT.
OH, DOLLY...
YOU LOOK YOUNGER EVERY DAY.
SHOW ME YOUR SECRET.
BILL...
WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
DOLLY...
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
NO, NO, NOTHING'S WRONG,
JUST--NO. HA HA.
NO.
BITSY, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR BATH.
[MARK] HOW ARE YOU HOLDING YOUR LIQUOR, JACK?
HOW DO YOU FEEL, MAN?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO RALPH,
DO IT OUT THERE.
DON'T GET IT ALL OVER THE INSIDE--
OH, SHIT!
THAT'S BAD-ASS, MAN.
DON'T GET IT ALL OVER THE SIDE.
HOW YOU DOING? YOU FEEL BETTER?
I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
HAVE SOME GUM.
HERE. HAVE SOME GUM.
ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
[HONK HONK]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[TV GUNSHOTS]
BITSY, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR BATH.
I DON'T WANT TO. JIMMY GOES FIRST.
BITSY, JIMMY GOES SECOND
BECAUSE JIMMY DOESN'T GO TO BED TILL 10:00.
I NEVER GET TO STAY UP.
O.K., YOU CAN WATCH TV
WHILE JIMMY TAKES HIS BATH.
I DON'T WANT TO.
WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE TAKING A BATH.
[TV GUNSHOTS]
BITSY, STOP IT! BITSY!
PUT ME DOWN!
BITSY, NO! NO! NO!
IN HERE NOW.
BITSY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU'RE GETTING INTO THE BATH.
[SIGHS]
WHAT NOW?
GET OUT OF THE CAR,
WALK UP THE STEPS, RING THE BELL.
THIS IS STUPID.
I DON'T WANT TO MESS THINGS UP.
YOU WON'T.
BELIEVE ME, YOU WON'T.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I'LL HANG OUT HERE UNTIL YOU GET INSIDE.
GOOD LUCK, MAN.
[MUTTERING]
[THUNDER]
I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT.
YOU WANT TO COME?
SHE'S COLD, MAN.
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR TOUCH, JACK.
[DOORBELL]
[TV GUNSHOTS]
JACK, I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME OVER.
I SORT OF THOUGHT I'D DROP BY.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE SUCH A JERK.
I HOPE YOU KNOW IT'S NOT HELPING ANYTHING.
I JUST CAME TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
I'M BABYSITTING.
THE KIDS ARE UPSTAIRS TAKING A BATH.
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME COME IN?
JACK, NO.
YOU'RE DRUNK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
JUST A COUPLE OF BEERS.
I SAID NO,
AND YOU CAME OVER ANYWAY?
I GUESS I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I HAVE TO BABYSIT.
THAT WAS QUICK.
SHUT UP.
WHAT HAPPENED?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
JUST GET ME HOME.
OH, MAN.
THAT'S NOT PART OF THE GAME.
I GOT AN IDEA.
WHERE YOU GOING?
[CRASH]
WHAT...
DAMN IT. SHIT. GOD...
JUST TRUST ME, O.K.?
JUST STAY LOW, COMMANDO-STYLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[HONK HONK]
BITSY.
JIMMY, IT'S YOUR TURN TO TAKE A BATH.
I'LL TAKE MY OWN BATH.
[HONK]
JIMMY.
IF YOU DON'T GO TAKE THAT BATH,
I'LL TAKE YOU UP THERE MYSELF.
JUST TRY IT.
THEN SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT. YOU ASKED FOR IT.
COME ON.
OW! OW!
JIMMY, COME ON.
OH, THAT'S BOSS.
LOOK AT JUNIOR GO.
JIMMY, I'M SERIOUS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE DOING THIS.
I HOPE NOBODY CAN SEE US.
RELAX. OH, MAN. SERIOUSLY,
YOU SHOULD BE TAKING NOTES.
NOW.
HA HA HA HA!
JACK.
TAKE A BATH NOW.
LIKE STEEL.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
IT WAS SO PRETTY, MAN.
HEY! AAH! AAH!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, BOY? HUH?
YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, BOY,
BEFORE I CALL THE COPS, HUH?
HA HA HA HA!
WHAT IS THAT LITTLE THING POKING OUT THERE?
GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE.
GO ON!
GO ON!
BARE-ASSED!
I'LL MAIL YOU YOUR CLOTHES IF YOU'RE LUCKY!
HEH HEH HEY.
HUH?
HEY.
[WHISTLES]
HERE YOU GO.
IT'S O.K.
LOOKS LIKE YOU AND ME,
WE GOT A LITTLE SECRET TO KEEP, HUH?
HMM?
HMM?
UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO HOME
JUST LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND DID.
NO.
COME HERE.
YEAH.
HEY...
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE MAKE IT TWO SECRETS TONIGHT, HUH?
[LAUGHTER]
SOME PARTY, HUH?
OH, YEAH. YOU SAID IT.
I GOT TO GO HOME FOR A MINUTE. I'LL BE BACK.
HARRY.
HARRY, WAIT A SECOND.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING HOME FOR?
I'M DIZZY. MY HEAD'S THROBBING.
I WANT TO GET MY PILLS.
DIZZY IS RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU LOOK IN THE BATHROOM
AND SEE IF THEY HAVE SOME ASPIRIN?
YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE HOME, HARRY.
[SIGHS]
HEY, YOU. THIS YOUR CAR?
YOU DON'T LEAVE A CAR
WITH THE WHEELS HALFWAY IN THE ROAD.
THAT'S HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
I'M SORRY, OFFICER. I WASN'T THINKING.
WELL, NEXT TIME, THINK.
I'LL LET YOU GO NOW...
GREAT. RAIN.
GIVE ME A SWIG OF THIS STUFF.
THERE YOU GO, MAN.
A LITTLE SUPER UNLEADED.
GOOD STUFF, HUH?
[CRYING]
SHH.
OH.
OH. OH.
OH.
IT'S O.K.
SHH.
IT'S BETTER THAN STAYING HOME ALONE, HUH?
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU...
YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT AND, UH...
GO GET IT.
YOU LOSE, BUDDY.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
GET INTO BED. THERE YOU GO.
DID YOU HAVE FUN TONIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU REALLY BEAT ME UP.
YOU MUST BE WORN OUT.
SLEEP WELL.
O.K.
GOOD NIGHT.
NIGHT-LIGHT.
RIGHT HERE? TURN IT ON.
O.K.
ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN SHAVES
AS CLOSE AS A BLADE, OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
HOLD IT. THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN
IS MORE THAN CLOSENESS. LISTEN.
[WRR]
THAT POWERFUL MOTOR
MAKES REMINGTON A QUICK SHAVE,
AND ITS TWO...
AAH! SHIT!
THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN--
QUICK, COMFORTABLE.
SHAVES AS CLOSE AS A BLADE,
OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
ATTABOY.
THAT'S REMINGTON.
HEY. HERE SHE COMES.
HERE SHE COMES.
SHIT. SHE'S SEEN US. SHH.
SHE CAN'T SEE US. THERE'S LIGHTS ON INSIDE.
WHY IS SHE WEARING A BATHROBE?
YOU HEAR THAT?
WHAT?
SOUNDS LIKE RUNNING WATER.
RUNNING WATER?
RUNNING WATER.
SHE'S TAKING A BATH.
OH, DAMN.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A BATH.
DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOUR PARENTS WILL BE HOME VERY SOON,
SO GOOD NIGHT, JIMMY.
NIGHT.
SWEET DREAMS.
YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS.
HA. NICE.
CUTE.
UH...ASPIRIN?
I THINK, UH...
I'LL JUST GET IN, O.K.?
YEAH.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHO IS IT?
[DOLLY] HARRY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH, I'M, UH...
FINE. I'M JUST, UH...
JUST LOOKING FOR SOME ASPIRIN.
HONEY, YOU STILL THERE?
YES.
THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY ASPIRIN.
REALLY?
YEAH, REALLY.
WELL, SHOULD I ASK BILL?
THEY MUST HAVE SOMETHING STRONG IN THE HOUSE.
YOU WANT ME TO GO ASK SOMEBODY
IF THEY BROUGHT SOMETHING?
NO. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU JUST STAY PUT,
AND I'LL JUST GO ON HOME
AND GET SOME OF MY PRESCRIPTION.
I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.
DON'T WORRY.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
HOLD THE LADDER.
[BOARDS CREAK]
SHH. SHH.
WELL...
HI.
I JUST CAME BY TO SEE
IF YOU'RE BEING A GOOD GIRL.
WHY DON'T YOU LEAN OVER?
AS LONG AS I'M HERE,
I MIGHT AS WELL SOAP YOUR BACK, HUH?
SHE'S IN THE TUB ALREADY.
HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HE'S PRACTICING HIS SWING FOR TOMORROW,
BUT IT WON'T DO HIM A DAMN BIT OF GOOD.
HA HA HA HA.
SWAT.
HEY!
HARRY.
HARRY.
HOLE IN ONE.
OH, GOD.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER BE A HAPPY DRUNK
INSTEAD OF A SOUR DRUNK?
OH, BOY, IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH DAY TOMORROW.
YOU'RE PRETTY TOUGH RIGHT NOW.
HEY, I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE, O.K.?
YOU'RE SURE YOU CAN DRIVE?
YEAH, YEAH.
[THUNDER]
OH, YEAH.
OH.
MAYBE I'LL JUST SNEAK IN REAL QUIETLY, YOU KNOW,
AND MAYBE SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM.
"WHOO-OO-OO-OO.
EXCUSE ME, MY DEAR."
HEE HEE HEE HEE.
I DREAM OF JEANNIE
WITH THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR
DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH THE
AW, SHIT.
WHOOP.
GOD DAMN, I DROPPED IT.
I LOST MY SOAP.
AAH! HA HA HA!
COME ON.
HELP ME FIND THE SOAP.
AAH!
WHERE'S THAT SOAP?
DOLLY, HOW COULD YOU LET HARRY DRIVE
IN THE STATE HE'S IN?
TA-DA!
HA HA HA.
I'LL JUST LET HIM SLEEP IT OFF.
HE'S NOT GOING TO SPOIL MY PARTY.
MY MOTHER GOT TO BE TOO MUCH FOR US TO HANDLE.
WE KEPT MY MOTHER HOME FOR A WHILE.
WE DECIDED THERE WERE BETTER HOMES FOR MOM.
AND DAD HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S 20 YEARS YOUNGER.
SHE'S YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE HIS DAUGHTER...
OR WHATEVER.
[BLUES SONG PLAYS]
OH, DOLLY, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.
MORE CHAMPAGNE, DOLLY?
STRAIGHT UP.
MMM.
ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR?
THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD ME...
I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME.
[RING]
SHE GETTING OUT TO ANSWER THE PHONE?
A THOUGHT JUST CAME TO ME, JACK.
WHAT?
THINK SHE REMEMBERED TO LOCK THE FRONT DOOR
WHEN SHE SLAMMED IT IN YOUR FACE?
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, MAN.
ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?
[RING]
[RING]
COME ON, YOU LITTLE BITCH. ANSWER THE PHONE.
BILL!
DOLLY.
[RINGING]
IT'S, UH...
I WAS CALLING TO SEE IF THE KIDS WERE O.K.
HELLO. TUCKER RESIDENCE.
MORE CHAMPAGNE, DOLLY?
[GIGGLING]
OH, BILL.
I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DRINK SO MUCH.
[THUNDER]
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
ONLY WHEN YOU BABYSIT.
WHOA.
[BANGS HEAD]
SHIT.
WHO IS IT?
UH...
UM...
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
I THINK YOU CAME IN JUST TO SEE ME IN THE TUB.
YOU'RE A VERY BAD BOY, JIMMY.
JIMMY.
SINCE YOU BOTHERED ME,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL SOAP MY BACK.
I...
I DROPPED THE SOAP.
WELL, HELP ME FIND IT, JIMMY.
HELP ME FIND IT.
[DOOR BANGING]
MAN, I PLAYED THIS TRICK ON MY BABYSITTER A MILLION TIMES.
YOU GO INSIDE THE HOUSE AND CALL THE NUMBER.
THE SECOND THE CALL GOES THROUGH, HANG UP.
THE PHONE'LL RING, BUT THERE WON'T BE ANYBODY THERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS GOING TO WORK.
WHEN SHE PICKS IT UP,
TELL HER THERE'S A PROWLER IN THE HOUSE.
THAT'LL BE GOOD. THERE'S A PROWLER,
AND YOU WANT TO COME AND PROTECT HER.
[DOOR OPENS]
HELLO, DOLLY.
[DOOR CLOSES]
THEY'RE GOING TO CART ME OFF
TO AN OLD FOLKS HOME IN A WHEELBARROW...
OH, TO HELL WITH IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[BILL] DOLLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S BILL. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES! EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I'M GOING BACK TO THE PARTY.
YOU HANDLE IT?
TELL ME IF I CAN HELP.
[FAST BEEPING]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
JESUS.
[RING]
[RING]
[RING]
HELLO?
TUCKER RESIDENCE.
HELLO.
HELLO.
WHO IS THIS?
HELLO--AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OH!
IT'S ME. IT'S ME. RELAX.
I'M HERE TO PROTECT YOU. FROM JACK.
HE'S RIPPED.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
BUT YOU BOTH BETTER LEAVE.
LISTEN. LISTEN, I'M SORRY. O.K.
THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
YEAH. YEAH. BAD IDEA.
UH, THE THING IS, IS, UH...
WE WERE DOING A LITTLE DRINKING TONIGHT,
AND WE'RE BOTH KIND OF HAMMERED.
I DON'T KNOW IF WE SHOULD BE DRIVING.
I MEAN, THE STREETS ARE WET AND ALL THAT.
I MEAN, I'LL DRIVE IF I HAVE TO,
BUT IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS.
I'D RATHER HAVE YOU PISSED OFF AT US
AND, YOU KNOW, NOT HURT ANYBODY OR OURSELVES.
CAN'T WE JUST HAVE, LIKE, 15 MINUTES OR SOMETHING?
WE CAN HANG OUT AND SOBER UP A LITTLE.
ONE CUP OF COFFEE, YOU GUYS ARE OUT OF HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, MAN?
[WOMAN YELPING]
HEY, THAT'S ENOUGH, MAN.
WHAT?
IT'S ENOUGH!
AND WHO SAYS?
I DO.
OH, YOU DO, HUH?
YEAH.
WELL, FUCK YOU, MAN.
NO, SEE, UH, I SAY WHEN.
GOD DAMN, JACK.
THANKS, MAN.
[JENNIFER SCREAMS]
SHIT.
TILTED HER, MAN.
FUCK.
WE GOT TO GET HER OUT OF HERE, MAN.
OH, NO. COME ON, MARK.
HE'S JUST A KID.
WE GOT TO, MAN...
OR WE'RE DEAD.
MY GOD, YOU GUYS. GO TO BED.
EVERYTHING'S O.K. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
WHO ARE THEY?
THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS OF MINE.
PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS. GO TO BED.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A REST HOME.
DOLLY, IT'S O.K.
NOBODY'S GOING TO MAKE YOU GO TO A REST HOME.
ALL HE DOES IS FANTASIZE
ABOUT THE GODDAMN BABYSITTER!
[SNORING]
MR. TUCKER!
SORRY.
I JUST, UH...
WANTED SOME...ASPIRIN.
MR. TUCKER--
THIS ISN'T THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, LITTLE GIRL.
YOU KNOW?
MR. TUCKER!
MR. TUCKER! AAH!
[SOFTLY SOBBING]
DOLLY. DOLLY, HERE. LET ME DO THIS.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? DID DOLLY FALL IN?
NO, DOLLY FELL OUT!
I'M DRUNK.
COFFEE'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
THANKS.
CAN I-- CAN I SMOKE IN HERE?
NO.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SOUNDS OR ANYTHING, DO YOU?
SOUNDS?
MUSIC?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
THERE. MUSIC.
AFTER THE COFFEE, YOU LEAVE.
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
YOU'VE BEEN COOL AS A FISH
I'VE BEEN MAKIN' SURE
YOU'VE BEEN BUSTIN' YOUR STITCHES
TELLIN' THE HITS...
I'M GOING TO GO CHECK ON THE COFFEE.
[MUSIC PLAYS LOUDER]
ALL RIGHT, JACK.
OHH!
GIVE HER A LITTLE LESSON THERE.
CAN DANCE ON THE WINDOWPANE
AND HOW I CAN I LOVE HER THE SAME
BUT I'M SILENT
THERE. I DID IT.
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
OH...
JACK.
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
I W-W--
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT WITH MARK HERE?
I WOUL--Mark.
YOU'RE REALLY, TRULY A SICK FUCK.
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
IT'S YOUR OWN TIME
BRACE YOURSELF FOR
SUCH A GOOD TIME...
JACK, STOP. THAT'S ENOUGH.
JACK, STOP!
YOU WON, ALL RIGHT?
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
[THUNDER]
UHH...
[MUMBLING]
BITCH!
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY GODDAMN KEYS!
OH, MY. WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT YOU AND ME.
COME AGAIN?
WELL, DON'T YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
DOLLY, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME.
WHAT?
YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.
WELL, DOLLY...
YOU...YOU'VE BEEN ASKING ME
IF I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR.
ISN'T THAT IT?
DOLLY.
[MOANING]
[YELLING]
[BOTH YELLING]
OHH!
OHH. WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
DOLLY! YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO MUCH.
OH, GOD!
MAYBE IF I WAS A GIRL, HUH?
IF I WAS LIKE A RIPE YOUNG GIRL,
LIKE 16 OR SO.
YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE AT THAT, DON'T YOU, BILLY?
YOU JUST GET ONE CHANCE.
WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
NOTHING, TUCKER.
DOLLY AND I WERE JUST--
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. GIVE ME MY GODDAMN KEYS.
COME ON! HMM?
SUIT YOURSELF.
I DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH THE LIGHT BROWN...
SHUT UP, HARRY!
YEAH!
HER THIGHS SPREAD OUT
ON A COUCH ON TOP OF THE GODDAMN KITCHEN TABLE,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HA HA HA HA HA.
DOLLY, MY GOD, NO!
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I CAN EXPLAIN. REALLY!
[BANG]
WITH THE LIGHT BROWN BUSH
HEH HEH HEH!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?
JESUS, WHAT A MONKEY.
THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA, PAL.
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN' DRAG ME OVER HERE.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA!
COULD YOU PLEASE JUST BOTH LEAVE?
YOU'LL BE SORRY, MARK.
GREAT. THREATEN ME.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK?
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD WHAT PERVERT BOY HAD IN MIND.
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST BOTH LEAVE?
I DON'T WANT ANY MORE TROUBLE.
I'M SORRY.
YEAH, I'M SORRY, TOO.
I TOLD HIM THAT YOU WERE SOMETHING SPECIAL.
HOW YOU DON'T REALLY DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU LET HIM DO IT TO YOU, DIDN'T YOU?
EXCUSE ME?
YOU LET MARK DO IT TO YOU.
WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH?
JACK, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! AH!
OHH.
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, JACK?
I NEVER FUCKED HIM, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
IF THAT'S WHY YOU CAME OVER HERE.
YOU WERE SET UP?
HE SET YOU UP? DON'T!
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
FUCK YOU.
AND FUCK YOU, TOO, YOU LIAR.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL OR NOT ANYMORE.
BUT YOU ARE DEAD, BUDDY.
YOU ARE DEAD!
JACK! STOP!
JACK! JACK, STOP IT!
JACK, COME ON!
JACK! STOP!
JUST STOP IT!
MARK, JACK!
MARK!
GET OUT OF HERE!
ENOUGH!
I OUGHT TO FUCKING KILL YOU!
GUYS! COME ON!
STOP IT!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
AH!
STOP IT!
STOP IT! STOP IT!
MARK!
JACK! MARK!
MARK!
[LINE RINGING]
YES. POLICE?
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
MARK! NO!
STOP IT!
MARK! NO!
GOOD NIGHT, MAN.
UGH!
AAH!
[FAST BEEPING]
[SCREAMING]
NO! NO!
AAH! AH!
SHUT UP!
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
LAY DOWN.
AAH!
HELP!
OH, SHIT!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[HARRY] OH...
[SIREN]
YOU O.K.?
COME ON.
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME NOW IF YOU LIKE.
I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOME MORE QUESTIONS LATER.
JENNIFER...
I DON'T GET IT, JACK.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M WALKING.
I'M WALKING. WHERE ARE YOU, UH,
WHERE YOU WALKING TO?
I'M BABYSITTING, MARK.
CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?
WANT TO DO SOMETHING LATER?
IT'S FRIDAY, YOU KNOW.
ARE YOU DEAF? WHAT?
ARE YOU DEAF, MARK?
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
AH, COME ON. IT'D BE FUN.
BRING THE KIDS.
I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, MARK,
ALL RIGHT?
HI.
OH, HI.
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
6:40, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE LATE AS USUAL.
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
HARRY, THE BABYSITTER'S HERE.
[HUMMING]
IT WAS GREAT OF YOU TO COME BY
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.
NO PROBLEM, MRS. TUCKER.
WE REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
SO WHAT YOU GUYS EATING, HUH?
HAMBURGERS AND COKE.
DAD SAID I COULD STAY UP TILL 10:00.
NOT IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE,
OTHERWISE YOU'RE GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW
AND WITH NO TV.
OH, EXCUSE ME, DEAR,
COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS?
NO PROBLEM.
THANK YOU. THE ZIPPER JUST...
DAD, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON.
OH, PFF.
HONEY, WHERE ARE MY BLUE PANTS, HUH?
WITH ALL YOUR OTHER PANTS, HARRY, UPSTAIRS.
AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING THIS SILLY TIE FOR?
YOU KNOW I HATE IT.
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.
THINK I KNOW YOU SO WELL
I'VE BEEN THINKING NOW HE'S GONE
I FEAR THAT HE RENTED HIS SOUL, DEAR
TAKING--
TAKING IN THE PAPER AND THE FEAR
DON'T HIDE YOURSELF
IF YOU'VE GOT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE...
YOU GOING TO WALK RIGHT PAST ME?
I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
HA. THAT'S FUNNY.
HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE LONER? WHAT'S HIS PROB?
I THINK SHE DUMPED HIM.
HA. REALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANT TO COME OUT WITH ME AND JOEY TONIGHT.
UH, HMM...
CAN I THINK ABOUT IT?
YEAH.
YEAH?
YEAH. THINK ABOUT IT.
SEE YA.
HEY.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
YOUR MOM GOING TO MY FOLKS' PARTY TONIGHT?
YOU TALKING TO ME?
YEAH.
UH, SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.
I GUESS THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE EATING THIS SWILL...
ALONE.
YEAH.
YOU GOT ANY PLANS, MAN?
ACTUALLY, I GOT TO GET HOME.
GOT EARLY PRACTICE TOMORROW.
OOH, PRACTICE. EXCITEMENT.
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED, JACK.
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
COULD I HAVE A BEER?
MAYBE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.
OHH.
CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A SECOND.
JUST CLOSE THEM, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I COME IN HERE.
I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.
NOW, JIMMY, EAT YOUR HAMBURGER, NOT JUST THE POTATO CHIPS.
SEE THAT HE EATS DINNER, DEAR.
HERE'S THE BABY'S BOTTLE.
I'M TOO TOLD FOR A BABYSITTER.
WHOO...
MM...
YOU READY, DARLIN'?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO START DRINKING NOW, HONEY?
HEY, THAT'S A CUTE OUTFIT YOU GOT ON.
THANKS, MR. TUCKER.
WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
YEAH.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
YOU, TOO, AND YOU KIDS BE GOOD, NOW. BYE, NOW.
AND YOU BE GOOD, TOO, HUH?
BYE, MOM.
SHE SURE IS A CUTE LITTLE THING.
EAT YOUR HAMBURGER.
HEY, JACK.
WAIT UP, DUDE.
OH, A BEER. I'M SO SHOCKED.
OH, NICE, MARK.
IT'S A NIGHTMARE, ISN'T IT?
YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED, MAN.
HEY, YOU WANT ONE?
I CAN GO GRAB YOU ONE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, MARK?
NOT A WHOLE LOT.
I'M JUST HANGING OUT WITH MY OLD BUDDY JACK.
WE HAVEN'T BEEN BUDDIES FOR A WHILE.
YEAH. I KNOW,
AND THAT'S MY FAULT.
I DON'T KNOW,
I SAW YOU SITTING ALONE IN THE DINER BACK THERE.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU'D BE UP FOR DOING SOMETHING.
OLD TIMES' SAKE OR SOMETHING.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND BACK THERE?
AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER?
OH, YOU MEAN--YEAH.
WELL, SHE'S, UH...
NOTHING SPECIAL, YOU KNOW?
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, THOUGH...
OH, SISTER.
SHE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL, MAN.
YEAH.
SHE'S REALLY GREAT.
SO YOU GUYS AREN'T DOING NOTHING TONIGHT?
WELL...
ACTUALLY, SHE'S BABYSITTING.
BABYSITTING, HUH?
HMM.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE OVER THERE
AT 8:00 OR WHATEVER.
LUCKY MAN. GOD.
IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY,
YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
HMM?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN--
"IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
ARE YOU SAYING YOU WENT OUT WITH HER?
WELL, THAT'S--
I GO OUT WITH A LOT OF CHICKS, YEAH.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
NO REASON, MAN.
OH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MAN.
WHOA, WAIT, HOLD ON. HEY, HEY...
COME ON. YOU PISSED OR SOMETHING?
NO. NO, I'M...
COME ON.
I SAID I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T, UH...
THAT'S WEIRD. SHE NEVER SAID NOTHING TO YOU?
NO, SHE DIDN'T.
WELL, MAYBE SHE SHOULD HAVE.
Go to sleep.
Aren't you tired?
OHH...
I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST THAT GIRL.
WHY, BECAUSE SHE LIKES MY UGLY TIES?
I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST HER WITH THE BABY.
SHE SEEMS... A LITTLE CARELESS.
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE HAD HER BOYFRIEND OVER THE OTHER TIME.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAD A BABYSITTER AS PRETTY AS YOU
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY.
[SIGH]
SO, UH...
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME, HUH?
WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.
YEAH.
HA HA HA--WHOA.
HARRY, I TOLD YOU YOU DID NOT NEED THAT DRINK.
AND ANOTHER THING, THAT GIRL--
THE OTHER TIME, I'M ALMOST POSITIVE
SHE USED OUR BATHTUB AND TOOK A BATH.
I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
JACK, I'M SORRY, MAN.
YOU SURE YOU'RE COOL WITH EVERYTHING?
AGAIN, I'M SORRY, MAN.
I SHOULDN'T--
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING.
JACK?
YOU--
MAN, LAST BALL ALREADY?
THAT'S THE LAST ONE, JACK.
OH...BRRR.
THE THING IS COLD, MAN.
YOU COULD USE THE OLD JACK TOUCH.
GET IT, GET IT.
WELL, YOU JUST, UH, LOST.
O.K., SO,
UH...
I GUESS IT'S MY TURN, HUH?
YOU STEP RIGHT OVER HERE.
THIS MACHINE,
I PRETTY MUCH GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT, YOU KNOW?
SO, UH...
WHEN DID YOU GO OUT WITH HER?
JACK, DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
ONE DATE.
THE...MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, UH,
WHAT'S A GUY LIKE YOU DOING ALONE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?
YOU TWO ON THE ROCKS OR WHAT?
I TOLD YOU SHE'S BABYSITTING.
OH, COME ON!
I'M GOING TO TURN THIS OVER RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM ME, MAN,
BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO. TUCKER'S RESIDENCE.
TELL HER A GOOD THING LIKE HER HAS GOT TO BE PASSED AROUND.
HELLO?
HI.
WE SORT OF THOUGHT WE'D DROP BY--
NO, NO...
JACK AND I WERE JUST SAYING, YOU KNOW,
TWO'S COMPANY...
THREE'S AN ORGY.
HUH?
OH, YOU TILTED, MAN.
YEAH. GUESS SO, MAN.
FUCKING BELIEVE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, MARK? YOU'RE RIGHT.
I WOULDN'T TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.
SEE YA.
"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?
"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?
"AM I THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?
AM I...THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?"
HMM.
"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT--
"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT...
"AN INSTRUMENT OF THIS YOU'RE CALLING BACK.
LAY NOT BLAME ON ME IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM."
IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM.
HEY, HEY, JACK.
IT WAS LAST SUMMER.
WHAT?
WHEN I WENT OUT WITH HER. IT WAS LAST SUMMER.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO KNOW, RIGHT?
LISTEN, MARK,
IT'S BEEN GREAT HANGING OUT WITH YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF?
YOU KNOW, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE.
OH, MAN!
O.K., SO THIS IS YOU--
"MARK, WHAT'S THE TIME?
"IT'S 6:00.
HEY, FUCK YOU."
JESUS. YOU ASK ME A QUESTION, RIGHT, AND I'M ANSWERING.
WHAT'S THE REAL STORY?
YOU IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL, HUH?
IS THAT IT?
YOU'RE ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE.
THAT'S COOL.
IT'S HARD TO KNOW IF YOU REALLY LOVE A GIRL
UNLESS YOU'VE FUCKED HER.
WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN?
[SIREN]
SHIT. GO, GO, GO.
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?
OH, MAN,
I'M SORRY, MAN.
AM I THE GREATEST AT SAYING THE WRONG THING?
YEAH, YOU ARE.
THAT'S TWICE.
JACK, I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I SHOULD JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE.
LET'S SEE. WHAT DID I DO WITH THAT?
BAM.
LOOK AT THAT FAT GUY.
LET'S BURN IT DOWN.
RELAX. NO ONE CAN SEE US.
OH, JACK, MAN,
COME ON.
THAT'S MY WAY OF SAYING I'M SORRY.
HERE IS TO A NIGHT...
OF ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES.
HEY, MAN,
WHAT THE FUCK?
JACK...
ALL I SAID WAS YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
I'M NOT GONNA CALL HER!
WHAT, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE TUCKERS?
COME ON. THEY'RE ALREADY OVER AT MY HOUSE.
PARTY TIME.
[WHISTLING]
HONEY, COULD YOU PLEASE STOP WHISTLING THAT TUNE?
AND TRY NOT TO DRINK TOO MUCH TONIGHT, O.K.?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH.
HEY, DOLLY, HARRY, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR ANYTHING.
MWAH. HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO LATE.
YOU'RE ONE OF THE FIRST.
OH, YOU TWO.
HI. HI.
COME ON UP.
O.K. ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE.
HI, BERNICE.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
OH, HI, SAM, WILMA, JOE, AUDREY.
HARRY, WHAT'S YOUR POISON?
UH, BOURBON. HI, EVERYBODY. DOLLY?
UM, I'LL TAKE A WINE SPRITZER, PLEASE.
SO, AUDREY, MUST BE ANY DAY NOW.
YOU MUST BE SO UNCOMFORTABLE IN THIS WEATHER.
OH, YEAH.
I'M USED TO IT BY NOW.
HOW ARE THOSE FOUR BOYS OF YOURS?
OH--WE HOPE IT'S A GIRL.
HERE, DOLLY.
OH, THANK YOU.
HOW'S YOUR LITTLE ONE, DOLLY?
OH. OH, HE'S FINE.
HE'S THE MOST PRECIOUS BABY,
BUT IT'S NICE TO GET AWAY.
IT ISN'T EASY.
WELL, IT SURE DOESN'T SHOW, DOLLY.
YOU LOOK YOUNGER EVERY DAY.
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?
SECRET? HA. HAAGEN DAZS.
ALL THOSE CALORIES-- GETTING HER BABY FAT BACK.
HARRY, HAVE A HEART.
HA HA, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
I'LL TAKE A VODKA STRAIGHT UP.
[TV GUNFIRE]
HEY, GUYS...
BITSY...
JIMMY...
YOU'RE A THIEF!
STOP IT.
YOU GUYS, ST-STOP IT.
YOU GUYS, GET OFF!
HA HA HA...
GET OFF.
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
STOP IT.
JIMMY, I'M SERIOUS. STOP.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT.
[RING]
JIMMY...GET OFF.
[RING]
[RING]
CAVALRY TO THE RESCUE.
HELLO. TUCKER RESIDENCE.
HI. IT'S JACK.
OH.
HI, JACK.
WHEW...WHERE ARE YOU CALLING FROM?
WHY ARE YOU BREATHING LIKE THAT?
OH, THE KIDS JUST BEAT ME UP.
OH, REALLY? UH-HUH.
MAYBE I SHOULD COME OVER AND PROTECT YOU.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, JACK.
WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE I'D COME OVER
AND, UH... AND HANG OUT,
WATCH SOME TV OR SOMETHING?
WHEN THE KIDS GO TO SLEEP, WE'D BE ALONE.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
COME ON. YOU WANT ME TO, DON'T YOU?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
NO. NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I JUST WANT TO COME SEE YOU
AND WORK THINGS OUT.
NO, JACK.
I TOLD YOU-- I'M NOT READY.
YOU--YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST.
WHY? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
JACK, NO. THAT'S IT, ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TODAY.
N-NOTHING. NOTHING.
JUST WANT TO TALK.
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I'VE GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THESE KIDS. BYE.
[CLICK]
SHIT.
GOD!
GOD, DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO?
WHAT'D SHE SAY?
NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.
AH, CHICKS, MAN...
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD GUY, JACK, IT'S JUST--
WELL, YOU TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS, THAT'S ALL.
AND MY ADVICE SUCKED. I'M SORRY. FORGET IT.
BUT MY POINT IS, CAN'T WE JUST DO SOMETHING TONIGHT?
KNOW WHERE WE CAN GET SOME FREE BEER?
OH, MAN, IT'S FRIDAY. LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK.
IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
IT'S OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
HEY, WHO PLAYS GOLF?
WE'LL MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
CHARLIE WILLIAMS.
LET'S SEE, UH, RICHARD.
TUCKER, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ON THE GREEN TWICE THIS YEAR.
'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS SELLING CARS TO HEELS LIKE YOU.
I'LL GET OUT THERE.
JUST GIVE ME ONE STROKE A HOLE--
I'LL GIVE YOU A STROKE. BEND OVER.
WHAT'S UP, DAD?
HOW YOU DOING?
EVERYONE, YOU KNOW MY SON MARK.
THIS IS MY FRIEND JACK.
JACK, THIS IS SAM.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
HARRY. HARRY, JACK.
HARRY, THIS IS YOUR BABYSITTER'S BOYFRIEND
RIGHT HERE IN THE FLESH.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, SON?
HELLO, JACK. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
USED TO SEE JACK A LOT
WHEN MARK WAS STILL ON THE TEAM.
YOU JUST WON THE ROTARY SCHOLARSHIP, RIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU WERE GREAT LAST SATURDAY.
O.K., O.K., ENOUGH.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING HIM IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
YOU THINK WE COULD USE THE CAR?
UH, KEYS ARE IN THE KITCHEN.
BYE, FELLAS.
YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH FUN.
YOU GOT PRACTICE TOMORROW, JACK.
WONDER WHAT THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO.
THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING OUT TO CHASE SOME TAIL.
BOY, THOSE WERE THE DAYS, RIGHT?
MM.
FOOTBALL RALLIES,
MOVIE HOUSE BALCONIES.
BARE THIGHS, NO-CONTROL TOPS, NO CROTCHES.
JUST A FLIMSY PAIR OF PANTIES IN THE BACK SEAT.
LIKE A BROKEN BALLOON.
THOSE GOOD TIMES ARE GONE, OLD MAN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD DO?
WELL...
I DON'T KNOW IF TONIGHT IS ABOUT "WE."
I THINK TONIGHT MAY BE ABOUT YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
DROP IT, MARK.
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SAY NO THIS EASY.
THIS IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY, O.K.?
LISTEN.
I DRIVE YOU OVER THERE, DROP YOU OFF,
YOU GIVE HER A COUPLE OF THESE BEERS,
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
YOU ASKED HER IF YOU COULD STOP BY, SHE SAID NO.
WHY?
I MEAN, YOU'VE BEEN OVER THERE BEFORE, RIGHT?
THE TUCKERS ARE HERE.
LIKE, WHAT'S THE STORY?
I'M NOT SAYING SHE'S SCREWING AROUND OR ANYTHING,
BUT IT'S LIKE...
YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME AND HER.
TRUST ME.
TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.
COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
JUST LIKE I EXPECTED.
SOME PARTY.
DISHES, NOISE, CLUTTER, FAT,
AND THAT'S WHEN THEY START TO CHEAT ON YOU.
DOLLY, I THINK SOMETHING'S GOING ON AT HOME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I THINK THAT BABYSITTER'S
GETTING A VISIT FROM HER BOYFRIEND.
HARRY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
SUCH AN IMAGINITIVE BOY.
SUIT YOURSELF, BUT I'M GOING TO CHECK IT OUT.
THE ONLY PERSON THE BABYSITTER
NEEDS PROTECTION FROM IS YOU, NOT HER BOYFRIEND,
SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF?
[SIGHS]
HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND MOST DEPRESSING?
THAT FAT DRUNK
WITH HIS BELLY HANGING OVER HIS BELT
IS SOMETHING I'M STUCK WITH
TILL DEATH DO US PART.
SORT OF MAKES YOU WISH THE MARRIAGE VOWS
HAD AN ASSHOLE CLAUSE, DOESN'T IT?
HUSBANDS ARE REALLY DIFFICULT TO PUT UP WITH.
I'VE GOT TO CHECK ON MY--
I FORGOT ABOUT THE HORS D'OEUVRES
IN THE OVEN.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LOVED IT
WHEN BILL CALLED ME YOUNG-LOOKING TONIGHT.
OH, DOLLY...
YOU LOOK YOUNGER EVERY DAY.
SHOW ME YOUR SECRET.
BILL...
WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
DOLLY...
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
NO, NO, NOTHING'S WRONG,
JUST--NO. HA HA.
NO.
BITSY, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR BATH.
[MARK] HOW ARE YOU HOLDING YOUR LIQUOR, JACK?
HOW DO YOU FEEL, MAN?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO RALPH,
DO IT OUT THERE.
DON'T GET IT ALL OVER THE INSIDE--
OH, SHIT!
THAT'S BAD-ASS, MAN.
DON'T GET IT ALL OVER THE SIDE.
HOW YOU DOING? YOU FEEL BETTER?
I FEEL A LOT BETTER.
HAVE SOME GUM.
HERE. HAVE SOME GUM.
ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
[HONK HONK]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[TV GUNSHOTS]
BITSY, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR BATH.
I DON'T WANT TO. JIMMY GOES FIRST.
BITSY, JIMMY GOES SECOND
BECAUSE JIMMY DOESN'T GO TO BED TILL 10:00.
I NEVER GET TO STAY UP.
O.K., YOU CAN WATCH TV
WHILE JIMMY TAKES HIS BATH.
I DON'T WANT TO.
WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE TAKING A BATH.
[TV GUNSHOTS]
BITSY, STOP IT! BITSY!
PUT ME DOWN!
BITSY, NO! NO! NO!
IN HERE NOW.
BITSY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU'RE GETTING INTO THE BATH.
[SIGHS]
WHAT NOW?
GET OUT OF THE CAR,
WALK UP THE STEPS, RING THE BELL.
THIS IS STUPID.
I DON'T WANT TO MESS THINGS UP.
YOU WON'T.
BELIEVE ME, YOU WON'T.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I'LL HANG OUT HERE UNTIL YOU GET INSIDE.
GOOD LUCK, MAN.
[MUTTERING]
[THUNDER]
I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT.
YOU WANT TO COME?
SHE'S COLD, MAN.
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR TOUCH, JACK.
[DOORBELL]
[TV GUNSHOTS]
JACK, I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME OVER.
I SORT OF THOUGHT I'D DROP BY.
YOU'RE ACTING LIKE SUCH A JERK.
I HOPE YOU KNOW IT'S NOT HELPING ANYTHING.
I JUST CAME TO SEE WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
I'M BABYSITTING.
THE KIDS ARE UPSTAIRS TAKING A BATH.
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME COME IN?
JACK, NO.
YOU'RE DRUNK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
JUST A COUPLE OF BEERS.
I SAID NO,
AND YOU CAME OVER ANYWAY?
I GUESS I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I HAVE TO BABYSIT.
THAT WAS QUICK.
SHUT UP.
WHAT HAPPENED?
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
JUST GET ME HOME.
OH, MAN.
THAT'S NOT PART OF THE GAME.
I GOT AN IDEA.
WHERE YOU GOING?
[CRASH]
WHAT...
DAMN IT. SHIT. GOD...
JUST TRUST ME, O.K.?
JUST STAY LOW, COMMANDO-STYLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[HONK HONK]
BITSY.
JIMMY, IT'S YOUR TURN TO TAKE A BATH.
I'LL TAKE MY OWN BATH.
[HONK]
JIMMY.
IF YOU DON'T GO TAKE THAT BATH,
I'LL TAKE YOU UP THERE MYSELF.
JUST TRY IT.
THEN SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
ALL RIGHT. YOU ASKED FOR IT.
COME ON.
OW! OW!
JIMMY, COME ON.
OH, THAT'S BOSS.
LOOK AT JUNIOR GO.
JIMMY, I'M SERIOUS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE DOING THIS.
I HOPE NOBODY CAN SEE US.
RELAX. OH, MAN. SERIOUSLY,
YOU SHOULD BE TAKING NOTES.
NOW.
HA HA HA HA!
JACK.
TAKE A BATH NOW.
LIKE STEEL.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
IT WAS SO PRETTY, MAN.
HEY! AAH! AAH!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, BOY? HUH?
YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE, BOY,
BEFORE I CALL THE COPS, HUH?
HA HA HA HA!
WHAT IS THAT LITTLE THING POKING OUT THERE?
GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE.
GO ON!
GO ON!
BARE-ASSED!
I'LL MAIL YOU YOUR CLOTHES IF YOU'RE LUCKY!
HEH HEH HEY.
HUH?
HEY.
[WHISTLES]
HERE YOU GO.
IT'S O.K.
LOOKS LIKE YOU AND ME,
WE GOT A LITTLE SECRET TO KEEP, HUH?
HMM?
HMM?
UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO HOME
JUST LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND DID.
NO.
COME HERE.
YEAH.
HEY...
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE MAKE IT TWO SECRETS TONIGHT, HUH?
[LAUGHTER]
SOME PARTY, HUH?
OH, YEAH. YOU SAID IT.
I GOT TO GO HOME FOR A MINUTE. I'LL BE BACK.
HARRY.
HARRY, WAIT A SECOND.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING HOME FOR?
I'M DIZZY. MY HEAD'S THROBBING.
I WANT TO GET MY PILLS.
DIZZY IS RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU LOOK IN THE BATHROOM
AND SEE IF THEY HAVE SOME ASPIRIN?
YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE HOME, HARRY.
[SIGHS]
HEY, YOU. THIS YOUR CAR?
YOU DON'T LEAVE A CAR
WITH THE WHEELS HALFWAY IN THE ROAD.
THAT'S HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
I'M SORRY, OFFICER. I WASN'T THINKING.
WELL, NEXT TIME, THINK.
I'LL LET YOU GO NOW...
GREAT. RAIN.
GIVE ME A SWIG OF THIS STUFF.
THERE YOU GO, MAN.
A LITTLE SUPER UNLEADED.
GOOD STUFF, HUH?
[CRYING]
SHH.
OH.
OH. OH.
OH.
IT'S O.K.
SHH.
IT'S BETTER THAN STAYING HOME ALONE, HUH?
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU...
YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT AND, UH...
GO GET IT.
YOU LOSE, BUDDY.
THAT'S TOO BAD.
GET INTO BED. THERE YOU GO.
DID YOU HAVE FUN TONIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU REALLY BEAT ME UP.
YOU MUST BE WORN OUT.
SLEEP WELL.
O.K.
GOOD NIGHT.
NIGHT-LIGHT.
RIGHT HERE? TURN IT ON.
O.K.
ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.
THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN SHAVES
AS CLOSE AS A BLADE, OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
HOLD IT. THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN
IS MORE THAN CLOSENESS. LISTEN.
[WRR]
THAT POWERFUL MOTOR
MAKES REMINGTON A QUICK SHAVE,
AND ITS TWO...
AAH! SHIT!
THE REMINGTON MICROSCREEN--
QUICK, COMFORTABLE.
SHAVES AS CLOSE AS A BLADE,
OR YOUR MONEY BACK.
ATTABOY.
THAT'S REMINGTON.
HEY. HERE SHE COMES.
HERE SHE COMES.
SHIT. SHE'S SEEN US. SHH.
SHE CAN'T SEE US. THERE'S LIGHTS ON INSIDE.
WHY IS SHE WEARING A BATHROBE?
YOU HEAR THAT?
WHAT?
SOUNDS LIKE RUNNING WATER.
RUNNING WATER?
RUNNING WATER.
SHE'S TAKING A BATH.
OH, DAMN.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A BATH.
DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOUR PARENTS WILL BE HOME VERY SOON,
SO GOOD NIGHT, JIMMY.
NIGHT.
SWEET DREAMS.
YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS.
HA. NICE.
CUTE.
UH...ASPIRIN?
I THINK, UH...
I'LL JUST GET IN, O.K.?
YEAH.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHO IS IT?
[DOLLY] HARRY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH, I'M, UH...
FINE. I'M JUST, UH...
JUST LOOKING FOR SOME ASPIRIN.
HONEY, YOU STILL THERE?
YES.
THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY ASPIRIN.
REALLY?
YEAH, REALLY.
WELL, SHOULD I ASK BILL?
THEY MUST HAVE SOMETHING STRONG IN THE HOUSE.
YOU WANT ME TO GO ASK SOMEBODY
IF THEY BROUGHT SOMETHING?
NO. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU JUST STAY PUT,
AND I'LL JUST GO ON HOME
AND GET SOME OF MY PRESCRIPTION.
I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH.
DON'T WORRY.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
HOLD THE LADDER.
[BOARDS CREAK]
SHH. SHH.
WELL...
HI.
I JUST CAME BY TO SEE
IF YOU'RE BEING A GOOD GIRL.
WHY DON'T YOU LEAN OVER?
AS LONG AS I'M HERE,
I MIGHT AS WELL SOAP YOUR BACK, HUH?
SHE'S IN THE TUB ALREADY.
HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HE'S PRACTICING HIS SWING FOR TOMORROW,
BUT IT WON'T DO HIM A DAMN BIT OF GOOD.
HA HA HA HA.
SWAT.
HEY!
HARRY.
HARRY.
HOLE IN ONE.
OH, GOD.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER BE A HAPPY DRUNK
INSTEAD OF A SOUR DRUNK?
OH, BOY, IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH DAY TOMORROW.
YOU'RE PRETTY TOUGH RIGHT NOW.
HEY, I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE, O.K.?
YOU'RE SURE YOU CAN DRIVE?
YEAH, YEAH.
[THUNDER]
OH, YEAH.
OH.
MAYBE I'LL JUST SNEAK IN REAL QUIETLY, YOU KNOW,
AND MAYBE SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM.
"WHOO-OO-OO-OO.
EXCUSE ME, MY DEAR."
HEE HEE HEE HEE.
I DREAM OF JEANNIE
WITH THE LIGHT BROWN HAIR
DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH THE
AW, SHIT.
WHOOP.
GOD DAMN, I DROPPED IT.
I LOST MY SOAP.
AAH! HA HA HA!
COME ON.
HELP ME FIND THE SOAP.
AAH!
WHERE'S THAT SOAP?
DOLLY, HOW COULD YOU LET HARRY DRIVE
IN THE STATE HE'S IN?
TA-DA!
HA HA HA.
I'LL JUST LET HIM SLEEP IT OFF.
HE'S NOT GOING TO SPOIL MY PARTY.
MY MOTHER GOT TO BE TOO MUCH FOR US TO HANDLE.
WE KEPT MY MOTHER HOME FOR A WHILE.
WE DECIDED THERE WERE BETTER HOMES FOR MOM.
AND DAD HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND.
SHE'S 20 YEARS YOUNGER.
SHE'S YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE HIS DAUGHTER...
OR WHATEVER.
[BLUES SONG PLAYS]
OH, DOLLY, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.
MORE CHAMPAGNE, DOLLY?
STRAIGHT UP.
MMM.
ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR?
THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD ME...
I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME.
[RING]
SHE GETTING OUT TO ANSWER THE PHONE?
A THOUGHT JUST CAME TO ME, JACK.
WHAT?
THINK SHE REMEMBERED TO LOCK THE FRONT DOOR
WHEN SHE SLAMMED IT IN YOUR FACE?
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, MAN.
ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?
[RING]
[RING]
COME ON, YOU LITTLE BITCH. ANSWER THE PHONE.
BILL!
DOLLY.
[RINGING]
IT'S, UH...
I WAS CALLING TO SEE IF THE KIDS WERE O.K.
HELLO. TUCKER RESIDENCE.
MORE CHAMPAGNE, DOLLY?
[GIGGLING]
OH, BILL.
I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DRINK SO MUCH.
[THUNDER]
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
ONLY WHEN YOU BABYSIT.
WHOA.
[BANGS HEAD]
SHIT.
WHO IS IT?
UH...
UM...
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
I THINK YOU CAME IN JUST TO SEE ME IN THE TUB.
YOU'RE A VERY BAD BOY, JIMMY.
JIMMY.
SINCE YOU BOTHERED ME,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL SOAP MY BACK.
I...
I DROPPED THE SOAP.
WELL, HELP ME FIND IT, JIMMY.
HELP ME FIND IT.
[DOOR BANGING]
MAN, I PLAYED THIS TRICK ON MY BABYSITTER A MILLION TIMES.
YOU GO INSIDE THE HOUSE AND CALL THE NUMBER.
THE SECOND THE CALL GOES THROUGH, HANG UP.
THE PHONE'LL RING, BUT THERE WON'T BE ANYBODY THERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS GOING TO WORK.
WHEN SHE PICKS IT UP,
TELL HER THERE'S A PROWLER IN THE HOUSE.
THAT'LL BE GOOD. THERE'S A PROWLER,
AND YOU WANT TO COME AND PROTECT HER.
[DOOR OPENS]
HELLO, DOLLY.
[DOOR CLOSES]
THEY'RE GOING TO CART ME OFF
TO AN OLD FOLKS HOME IN A WHEELBARROW...
OH, TO HELL WITH IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
[BILL] DOLLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S BILL. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YES! EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I'M GOING BACK TO THE PARTY.
YOU HANDLE IT?
TELL ME IF I CAN HELP.
[FAST BEEPING]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
JESUS.
[RING]
[RING]
[RING]
HELLO?
TUCKER RESIDENCE.
HELLO.
HELLO.
WHO IS THIS?
HELLO--AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
OH!
IT'S ME. IT'S ME. RELAX.
I'M HERE TO PROTECT YOU. FROM JACK.
HE'S RIPPED.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
BUT YOU BOTH BETTER LEAVE.
LISTEN. LISTEN, I'M SORRY. O.K.
THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
YEAH. YEAH. BAD IDEA.
UH, THE THING IS, IS, UH...
WE WERE DOING A LITTLE DRINKING TONIGHT,
AND WE'RE BOTH KIND OF HAMMERED.
I DON'T KNOW IF WE SHOULD BE DRIVING.
I MEAN, THE STREETS ARE WET AND ALL THAT.
I MEAN, I'LL DRIVE IF I HAVE TO,
BUT IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS.
I'D RATHER HAVE YOU PISSED OFF AT US
AND, YOU KNOW, NOT HURT ANYBODY OR OURSELVES.
CAN'T WE JUST HAVE, LIKE, 15 MINUTES OR SOMETHING?
WE CAN HANG OUT AND SOBER UP A LITTLE.
ONE CUP OF COFFEE, YOU GUYS ARE OUT OF HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, MAN?
[WOMAN YELPING]
HEY, THAT'S ENOUGH, MAN.
WHAT?
IT'S ENOUGH!
AND WHO SAYS?
I DO.
OH, YOU DO, HUH?
YEAH.
WELL, FUCK YOU, MAN.
NO, SEE, UH, I SAY WHEN.
GOD DAMN, JACK.
THANKS, MAN.
[JENNIFER SCREAMS]
SHIT.
TILTED HER, MAN.
FUCK.
WE GOT TO GET HER OUT OF HERE, MAN.
OH, NO. COME ON, MARK.
HE'S JUST A KID.
WE GOT TO, MAN...
OR WE'RE DEAD.
MY GOD, YOU GUYS. GO TO BED.
EVERYTHING'S O.K. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
WHO ARE THEY?
THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS OF MINE.
PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS. GO TO BED.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A REST HOME.
DOLLY, IT'S O.K.
NOBODY'S GOING TO MAKE YOU GO TO A REST HOME.
ALL HE DOES IS FANTASIZE
ABOUT THE GODDAMN BABYSITTER!
[SNORING]
MR. TUCKER!
SORRY.
I JUST, UH...
WANTED SOME...ASPIRIN.
MR. TUCKER--
THIS ISN'T THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, LITTLE GIRL.
YOU KNOW?
MR. TUCKER!
MR. TUCKER! AAH!
[SOFTLY SOBBING]
DOLLY. DOLLY, HERE. LET ME DO THIS.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? DID DOLLY FALL IN?
NO, DOLLY FELL OUT!
I'M DRUNK.
COFFEE'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
THANKS.
CAN I-- CAN I SMOKE IN HERE?
NO.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SOUNDS OR ANYTHING, DO YOU?
SOUNDS?
MUSIC?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
THERE. MUSIC.
AFTER THE COFFEE, YOU LEAVE.
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
YOU'VE BEEN COOL AS A FISH
I'VE BEEN MAKIN' SURE
YOU'VE BEEN BUSTIN' YOUR STITCHES
TELLIN' THE HITS...
I'M GOING TO GO CHECK ON THE COFFEE.
[MUSIC PLAYS LOUDER]
ALL RIGHT, JACK.
OHH!
GIVE HER A LITTLE LESSON THERE.
CAN DANCE ON THE WINDOWPANE
AND HOW I CAN I LOVE HER THE SAME
BUT I'M SILENT
THERE. I DID IT.
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
OH...
JACK.
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
I W-W--
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO IT WITH MARK HERE?
I WOUL--Mark.
YOU'RE REALLY, TRULY A SICK FUCK.
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
IT'S YOUR OWN TIME
BRACE YOURSELF FOR
SUCH A GOOD TIME...
JACK, STOP. THAT'S ENOUGH.
JACK, STOP!
YOU WON, ALL RIGHT?
I LIE STILL IN THE GARDEN
[THUNDER]
UHH...
[MUMBLING]
BITCH!
I CAN'T GO WITHOUT MY GODDAMN KEYS!
OH, MY. WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT YOU AND ME.
COME AGAIN?
WELL, DON'T YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
DOLLY, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME.
WHAT?
YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.
WELL, DOLLY...
YOU...YOU'VE BEEN ASKING ME
IF I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR.
ISN'T THAT IT?
DOLLY.
[MOANING]
[YELLING]
[BOTH YELLING]
OHH!
OHH. WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
DOLLY! YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK SO MUCH.
OH, GOD!
MAYBE IF I WAS A GIRL, HUH?
IF I WAS LIKE A RIPE YOUNG GIRL,
LIKE 16 OR SO.
YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE AT THAT, DON'T YOU, BILLY?
YOU JUST GET ONE CHANCE.
WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
NOTHING, TUCKER.
DOLLY AND I WERE JUST--
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. GIVE ME MY GODDAMN KEYS.
COME ON! HMM?
SUIT YOURSELF.
I DREAM OF JEANNIE WITH THE LIGHT BROWN...
SHUT UP, HARRY!
YEAH!
HER THIGHS SPREAD OUT
ON A COUCH ON TOP OF THE GODDAMN KITCHEN TABLE,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! HA HA HA HA HA.
DOLLY, MY GOD, NO!
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I CAN EXPLAIN. REALLY!
[BANG]
WITH THE LIGHT BROWN BUSH
HEH HEH HEH!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?
JESUS, WHAT A MONKEY.
THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA, PAL.
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN' DRAG ME OVER HERE.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA!
COULD YOU PLEASE JUST BOTH LEAVE?
YOU'LL BE SORRY, MARK.
GREAT. THREATEN ME.
ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK?
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD WHAT PERVERT BOY HAD IN MIND.
CAN YOU PLEASE JUST BOTH LEAVE?
I DON'T WANT ANY MORE TROUBLE.
I'M SORRY.
YEAH, I'M SORRY, TOO.
I TOLD HIM THAT YOU WERE SOMETHING SPECIAL.
HOW YOU DON'T REALLY DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU LET HIM DO IT TO YOU, DIDN'T YOU?
EXCUSE ME?
YOU LET MARK DO IT TO YOU.
WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH?
JACK, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! AH!
OHH.
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, JACK?
I NEVER FUCKED HIM, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
IF THAT'S WHY YOU CAME OVER HERE.
YOU WERE SET UP?
HE SET YOU UP? DON'T!
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
FUCK YOU.
AND FUCK YOU, TOO, YOU LIAR.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL OR NOT ANYMORE.
BUT YOU ARE DEAD, BUDDY.
YOU ARE DEAD!
JACK! STOP!
JACK! JACK, STOP IT!
JACK, COME ON!
JACK! STOP!
JUST STOP IT!
MARK, JACK!
MARK!
GET OUT OF HERE!
ENOUGH!
I OUGHT TO FUCKING KILL YOU!
GUYS! COME ON!
STOP IT!
[GLASS SHATTERS]
AH!
STOP IT!
STOP IT! STOP IT!
MARK!
JACK! MARK!
MARK!
[LINE RINGING]
YES. POLICE?
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
MARK! NO!
STOP IT!
MARK! NO!
GOOD NIGHT, MAN.
UGH!
AAH!
[FAST BEEPING]
[SCREAMING]
NO! NO!
AAH! AH!
SHUT UP!
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
LAY DOWN.
AAH!
HELP!
OH, SHIT!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[HARRY] OH...
[SIREN]
YOU O.K.?
COME ON.
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME NOW IF YOU LIKE.
I WANT TO ASK YOU
SOME MORE QUESTIONS LATER.
JENNIFER...
I DON'T GET IT, JACK.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?