Bad CGI Gator (2023) Movie Script
1
- What the?
I'll fish where I
damn well please.
Okay. Let's see what
we got for Jimbo today.
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
Come to Jimmy.
Come on.
Come on.
There we go.
Oh, son.
Whoa!
Whoa.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa, son.
It's a biggin.
Son of a bitch broke
my fucking line!
That was a big fish.
God.
Well, now, where
did you come from?
Shoot, you're just a
little thing. Just a baby.
Why don't you come back when
you're big enough to eat?
Chad, I need
my caramel latte.
Is there anywhere to stop?
There's, like, a Starbies
along the way, right?
- Tonight's gonna be lit!
The fridge is packed.
- Say hi to the camera, babe.
- What's good?
You know what time it
is. Roach it, baby.
- Wait, babe. This
lighting hits so hard.
Get in here.
- Oh my God, really?
- Yes! Oh!
Why aren't we there yet?
- Bro.
- Well, we would be,
but we're waiting for Sam
to finish taking a piss!
- Bitches, bro.
- Let's go, bro!
- Guys, hey, it's Pearce!
Say hi to the camera.
- What up, bro? Get
this for the Gram.
- Oh, yes!
- Oh! Woo!
Hope, what about you?
- Ugh, lame.
Let's go, bro!
- Sorry. Ah!
Sorry. Sorry.
- Oh my God, babe.
- Party with the boys!
- Sorry. Oh, hey, is
this for Instagram?
Hey, it's-
- Just get in the car,
bro. We gotta go, okay?
Let's go.
In the trunk. Come on.
- Spring break! Woo!
- Lock him in there.
- Get the fuck in there, Sam.
Girls, as
soon as we get there,
I say we go straight
skinny dipping.
- Woo!
- Just buckle up and shut up.
Better watch out, player
Come on
- Slay!
I'm about
to slay that ass.
Is there
any AC on back here?
Who is that back there?
Oh, shit. Sam.
I can't believe your
mom let you out, Sam.
I think
I'm gonna crush
like 15 beers right
when we get there.
Bro, you think
we got enough beer, dude?
I basically
bought out the store, bro.
Fuck yeah, bro.
Someone's lube
is leaking on my leg.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, best weekend ever.
I can't wait!
- Pais isn't shy. Are you, Pais?
- Not at all.
- Ah!
My leg is really wet.
- Oh my gosh.
- God, it's so
fucking warm in here.
- Babe!
- Sorry.
- You're on camera! God!
You keep ruining it.
- I'm just saying.
It's like all of the time.
Oh, shit. Are you guys
ready for this shit?
Oh my God.
It's gonna
blow your fucking mind.
All right. Let's roll.
Is anyone
else thinking about
hopping in the lake,
or is it just me?
Ooh, Chad!
- Ow!
- Let's go, bitches!
Oh my God.
Babe!
- Boom! Yes!
Hey, uh-
- Oh my God, babe!
- Welcome to paradise, fam!
Bro.
- Is this place not
fucking lit or what?
Hell yeah, bro!
I'm so excited!
- Go low, bro. Uh.
It's all ours, baby.
All ours, baby.
- Dope, bro!
- Hey, guys, guys, guys,
before we go in there, we
should just remember that,
you know, we're out in
the wilderness, right?
There could be, like, animals
or who knows what out here,
so we should just
try and be careful.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Dad.
Does everyone have
their sunscreen?
'Cause I don't want anyone
getting a sunburn, you know?
- What about the mosquitoes
this time of year, guys?
Don't forget to use a condom!
Fuck yeah, dude.
- Wait, wait. Say it
again for the camera.
- I'm just saying UV
rays and mosquitoes
can be very dangerous
this time of year.
- You know what else
can be dangerous?
Me spraying it in
your face, bitch.
- Bye.
- So unsanitary.
- Loser!
- Don't forget the bags, bro.
Bro, this is what I'm hitting
every day of the week, bro.
What's up?
Hey, those work-outs
are paying off.
- Call master! Call master!
Shotgun on master, baby.
Guys.
All right, let's
get the fuck in. Come on.
What's the
second amendment?
- Oh.
- It's giving
cottage core toxic
masculinity retro vibes.
- Masculine as fuck, babe.
- Bro,
is your uncle a
samurai or some shit?
- Hah, no, bro.
He runs a few painkiller
pill mills in Florida.
I'm gonna work for him soon.
Dude makes some mad bank, bro.
- What's the Wi-Fi here?
I have, like, zero signal.
- Uh, I don't know
if he has it, bro.
You know, this is his
off-the-ground kinda stuff.
- What?
- Oh my...
- Great, I'm gonna
redneck swamp house,
and I can't even post about it.
Oh.
- Hope, just 'cause
you're my sister
doesn't mean you get to kill
the fucking vibes, okay?
- Step-sister.
- Whatever.
We can all survive for three
days without it, right?
All right, let's all, you
know, go set our shit down.
Maybe chill for a
little bit in our rooms,
- Okay.
- Then do some shots, baby!
- Yes!
It's time to rage!
- Fuck yeah.
Babe, hurry up. I'm horny.
Come on, babe. We're
about to break this bed.
Woo! Spring break!
- Oh!
- Yes!
- Yeah, that's
right. What you got?
Oh, oh, physical!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Look at that
fucking ass you got.
- Does it look good?
- Yeah. That stick
that out, baby.
Oh, yeah. Right there.
Fuck yeah.
- Yeah, squeeze that shit.
Aw, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah.
Sarah's not gonna know
what fucking hit her. Oh.
Gotta get the obliques.
Side crunch. Side crunch.
- Woo!
Looks
fucking awesome, baby.
Oh!
- Oh, that was good. Woo.
- Damn, babe. Look at that ass.
- Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Woop, woop!
Let's party!
Woo, ooh!
- O-M-G. Fit check.
You guys are so fucking cute.
- Tell me this is
not a total slay.
I got the pants from Shein.
- Oh my God, babe, take a
photo of the three of us.
- Of course.
- Get on that, boy.
- All right. Everyone
say "tequila"!
- Baby.
- Tequila!
Yeah?
- How many times do
I have to tell you?
What?
- That is the worst angle
ever. Hold it up high.
You're gonna make us look bleh.
Sorry, babe. God damn.
"Tequila." One, two, three.
Tequila!
Yeah!
- Let me see.
Horrid. I look fat.
- Babe.
- Big yikes. We can
Facetune it though.
- Party Sam flying in!
- Bro.
Are you going to church?
- What?
- Bro.
What? No, this is a nice shirt.
It's totally in
season. It's Bonobos.
- You're giving single
dad freeloader vibes.
- Yeah.
- Bro.
- It's a nice shirt,
Sam. I like it.
- You do?
- Yeah.
- Hope likes it.
- Okay, Hope. Don't
wait for us or anything.
- Actually, we probably
should eat something, right?
I mean, if we're gonna
be drinking all day.
Good point.
- Okay, so for now, I was
thinking we would do snackies.
I'm making this vegan
dip recipe from Goop,
and then later, I got us
gluten-free pizza rolls.
They're, like, bomb.
- Yeah.
- Perfect. That sounds so good.
- Oh, yeah, guys, I also have
some whey protein
bars in the closet.
- Fuck that. Let's
do another shot.
- Yes!
- Wait, save it. The real
toast will be outside.
- Yeah?
- Oh my God, wait, are
you guys getting engaged?
- What? No.
I mean, not yet.
Okay, so did you guys bring
your school laptops like I said?
- I don't know why.
There's not even service.
I can't even do my B reel, girl.
- Just get it and meet
us outside for the toast.
- Whatever.
- Maybe it's not a good...
- All right.
- All right.
God, hurry up, Hope.
- "God, hurry up, Hope."
- Hope.
Don't worry. I'll
get the laptops>
Okay, so I was
thinking I would shoot
all these different
videos, like,
kind of around the
lake, you know,
just to kind of
show the wildlife
and how I'm super
into wilderness
and hiking and all of that.
I think it'd be
super interesting,
and just for my
following, you know?
Like, I feel like
it's gonna gain me
probably like 50,000
extra followers.
What do you guys think?
Baby?
Yes.
Pour the shots.
Yes, ma'am.
- Are you gonna tell us
why we have our laptops?
It's spring break. I
don't wanna look at this.
- Yeah, I'd actually
like to know that too.
- Okay, I'm gonna film
my toast for TikTok,
and, at the end, you
all just follow my lead.
We're gonna throw our laptops
into the water at the end.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait, wait,
guys, guys, guys.
We can't actually
be doing this, okay?
Bro.
- This is a hundred percent
gonna go viral, you guys.
Just trust.
- Yes! I love it!
- Okay, are you ready?
- Wait, wait, guys, guys.
We can not throw our laptops
into the water, okay?
These belong to the school,
and it's a complete
environmental hazard.
Bro!
- Think of your
children's children!
- Bro, stop being such
a bitch. Just do it.
Don't you wanna go viral?
- Dog, you know Sarah's
really trying to
become an influencer, okay?
Don't ruin her dreams, my guy.
- Yeah, and the school's just
gonna give us new ones anyway,
and fuck that
capitalist institution.
- I'll need a refill here, Chad.
- Whatever, Hope.
- Chad!
Thanks, bro.
- Bro.
- I dedicate this toast
to only being young once,
to those of us
out there who know
the world is gonna make us
get jobs, get old and boring,
and we say no!
We say fuck that! We're
young, wild, and free!
Cheers to Gen Z.
We party. We love.
We nurture. We care
about one another.
Cheers to us, to life, and
to saying fuck the normalcy
and screw their
expectations of us!
Cheers, bitches!
Woo!
Let's go!
Woo!
- YOLO!
- Slay!
Get it!
You killed it, babe.
Yes.
- Girl, I had literal
tears in my eyes.
That was so slay.
- Like major slay?
- Major slay.
- Ooh!
Well, it would have been perfect
if Hope didn't fuck it up.
- I'm not throwing my computer
into a lake for a TikTok.
- Babe, it's still
gonna be fire AF.
- All right, who wants to
go play some beer pong?
- Me!
- Fuck yeah!
Let's go!
- Hey, it'll be al right.
- Yeah, no, I know. Totally.
I just had a story on
it I wanted to finish.
- Oh. You're a writer, huh?
- Oh, no, no, not really.
I mean, not a good one anyways.
Just some stupid short stories.
- Well, I'd like to
read them one day.
Hey, let's go get drunk and
try to have some fun, huh?
I hear the vegan Goop
dip is out of this world.
- Yeah, sure.
- Fuck!
- Yeah!
Hope, can you
even see over the table?
The only thing you can
make is good grades, Hope.
Oh, yeah
Oh, God,
that was so garbage!
I can't believe I'm
almost related to you.
Oh, Sam.
Oh!
- Hope, put your balls in my
hole right here. This hole.
- Okay. You first.
- Right here, Hope.
Aw, fuck!
You got this.
- Garbage.
- Oh, shit!
You wanna step outside, bro?
- Sorry, sorry.
Bro, you're a loser.
- Shit.
- All right, bro.
Get it, homie.
You got this, bro.
- Game, bro.
- Laser focus, bro.
I got a nice girl
and her ass is fat
- Damn!
- Fuck!
- Bro!
- Okay, so-
- We practice every day!
All those times in
your mom's basement.
We trained for this, bro.
- I know, bro.
- It's all right. I got this.
Like usual, I'll carry the team.
Bro, what you need to do,
you dip the ball and
you give it a good blow.
Then you spank it.
Then you close your
eyes and use the force.
Boom! Oh, yes!
Let's go, bro!
These bitches ain't
got shit on us.
- That's what I'm
fucking for, bro!
- Wait, wait, bro.
What is that, five
wins now, zero losses?
Y'all better get
your shit together.
- Whatever.
- Hey, guys, fair game.
- Come on, bro.
- Oh, shit, bro!
- Oh, no!
- This is my fucking song,
bro! I used to fuck to it!
Groove that, yeah,
I groove that
You wanna get down with
it, then prove that
Body all-time ultimate,
throw your hands up
If you want to blast
- Yeah!
- This slaps!
Yeah, I groove that
You wanna get down with
it, then prove that
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
- Are you kicking
these guys' asses?
- Oh, you know the
fucking vibes, babe.
- Oh, you're so
hot when you win.
- Okay, you guys.
So, Paispais and I were
thinking that, tomorrow,
we would all film
a video for TikTok
of us just, like, going
around and picking up trash
to show that we did our part
to clean up the native lands.
Who's down?
- Me, obvi!
- Yeah.
- You mean the lands you all
just threw your laptops into?
- That was different.
That was to go viral.
- Oh, right.
Grove that, yeah,
I groove that
- Whoa, ladies, chill.
There are much, much
more important things
to worry about right now,
such as fucking beer pong.
- Amen, bro!
- Let's play.
God's plan, bro.
- Aw, you two are
so cute together.
You should totally hook up.
- What?
- We all know you want to.
- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah, I can tell Sam
has a little crush.
- Oh, baby dick.
- No, I don't. What
are you talking about?
- I got it. I'm
a fucking genius.
Why don't we play
one more round?
- Yeah.
- Look, guys.
I'm pretty drunk already.
We should all probably
just go to bed.
- Fucking lightweight, bro.
- All right, how about this?
If we win, you guys
have to hook up.
- Yes!
- If we lose, we never
give you two shit again.
- Hm.
- I don't think that's a good-
- Done. We're in.
- Ooh, Hope's got some balls.
We are?
- Yeah, because I
don't fucking lose.
- I think I'm out, bro.
- What? Bro.
- No cap.
- Bro! Bro, what?
- Sorry, bro.
- Oh!
Oh, yes. This guy.
Get it, homie. Yes!
- We're gonna go
look at the stars.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, look at the stars.
- Oh, yeah, sure you are.
- Nice.
Yeah.
- Have fun, you two.
- Oh, man. I love him.
Hey, babe.
- Looks like
it's couple versus couple.
- Yeah, it is.
It's a four-way
up in this bitch.
Let's play.
Babe,
do you think I can
touch the bottom of
the fucking lake?
Oh my God, babe.
You could do anything
you set your heart to.
- Heh, yeah. I fucking can.
Babe, do you think
this stuff on the lake
is the frogs getting high?
- Oh my God. Totally.
- So fucking cool.
- You're, like, so smart.
- I know, babe. I know.
Babe, how long do you
think this lake is?
- Wow, babe. It's,
like, so long.
- I think it goes for,
like, miles, babe.
You look so fucking
pretty, babe.
- Is this what you want?
- Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
God damn. Your tits
are so fire, babe.
You have such
fucking amazing tits.
I've never been on
no dairy farm before,
but I could milk these
things all fucking day.
- Yeah?
- Oh, for sure.
- Aw, fuck.
- What?
- I left the rubbers
in the room, babe.
- Seriously?
- I know. I fucked up.
- Well, maybe you could try
finally going down on me.
You said, one day, you'd try it.
- Ah.
Babe, you know, it's just,
like, totally not my thing.
Plus, I think I hurt my neck
lifting with Chad the other day.
I totally will though,
soon. I promise.
- Fine.
- Let me make it
up to you, babe.
Sit right there, babe.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Ooh.
Yeah, baby.
- Don't even think about
taking this blindfold off,
or you're gonna be in
big, big, big trouble.
- Mm.
I love it when you
order me around.
- Yeah, you do, babe.
BRB. I'm fucking
lightning quick.
Oh, bust the bank open
And drop it low
- No way you make this.
No fucking way.
Told you! You hit me
right in the dick.
- Baby boy, where are you?
Pearce?
Pearce, come on. I'm cold.
I need someone to warm me up.
You could say it's
getting a little nippy.
Pearce!
OMG.
Babe, come on. Don't
waste a good time.
You are, like, totally
drying me up right now.
Babe, I'm seriously, like,
so un-horny right now.
I didn't even hear you come out.
You're, like, so still.
Babe, knock it off
and come here already.
Okay. I'm done.
OMG!
You gotta get up
- No way.
told you! You suck, again!
- You still ready for me?
I'm all bricked up for you!
Huh?
Babe?
You know I don't like
hide and seek, bro.
Fine, fine, fine.
I'm gonna find
you, and when I do,
bad girl getting punished!
Big time.
I got you.
Paisley?
If you're swimming in
there, you're dumb as hell.
There's snakes
and shit in there.
Fuck.
Okay.
I give up.
This game's dumb as hell.
It's fine. I don't even
wanna bang anymore.
I'll just be sitting here,
drinking solo I guess,
holding my dick.
Fucking condoms.
Shit ruins everything.
What a fucking
bummer of a night.
Bro.
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro!
- Hope sucks, Hope
sucks, Hope sucks!
You suck so bad!
I keep it cool
like a refrigerator
Come on, dork.
I got shit for sale
- Fuck!
- Yes!
- I did it!
- Bitches!
- I can't believe I did that!
- Yeah!
- You said you were good!
I said, girl, put your
number in my phone
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
What about balls back?
- Yes.
- What the fuck is ball's back?
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
We don't play those
stupid frat boy rules.
We won. You lost.
Drink up.
Glug, glug,
glug, glug, glug.
- Wait. Did you guys hear that?
- Hear what?
- No, turn the music down.
I think I heard screaming.
- Hell yeah, you did.
My boy's probably out there,
just tearing that ass up!
- No, no, no. I think
I heard something too.
- Hope, what are you doing?
- Just hold on. Shh.
- Okay.
- I don't hear anything.
- I guess Pearce
is a two-pump chum.
- No, babe. That's not true.
Not my boy. Trust me.
I taught him how to fuck.
Cool.
Ugh. This is dumb as hell.
See?
He's good. Totally fine.
- Where's Paisley?
I don't see her.
- I don't know, babe.
She's probably out there looking
for reception or some shit.
- He isn't moving.
Why isn't he moving?
- You're right.
- Post-nut clarity is
a real thing, guys.
Relax, and look at
him. He is 100% chill.
Oh, shit!
- It's looking right at us!
All right. Stay here.
- Oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God.
- It's okay. It's okay.
Shh, shh. Does
anybody have a phone?
- Oh my God.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I do. I do.
Call the cops.
- Fuck! There's no
fucking service, bro!
Shit.
- It's gonna kill us! Did
you see what it did to him?
- No, it won't,
babe. No, it won't.
He can't see us.
He's not tall enough to look
over this wall, babe. Trust.
- Chad's right. He can't see us.
- No.
- He?
- What?
- Well, you said "he."
How do you know it's a he?
It could be a she or a they or-
- What the fuck
difference does it make?
It just ate your friends!
- Oh, fuck, fuck!
- Oh my God!
- It's ramming the door.
It's ramming the door.
- Huh?
Okay.
See? I told you it can't get in.
The fuck?
Oh, shit. How did it
get up there so fast?
- Oh my God.
- You guys, it's on
the fucking roof.
- Oh my God. It's leaving.
- Thank God.
- Yeah, for now. It
knows where to find us.
- That scream.
- What?
- That scream you heard earlier,
it sounded like Paisley.
- You think she
could still be alive?
- I don't know. Maybe.
You guys, she could
still be out there.
- Yeah, as his
fucking bait, bro.
- Don't say that!
- Babe, enough of this shit.
- Baby, where are you going?
- We're getting the
fuck out of here!
Fuck yeah!
You cannot be serious.
- Look, the only way
we're getting out of here
is with the Jeep.
I'm gonna go get it.
I might even have to take this
thing out for my boy Pearce!
- No, baby. It's too dangerous.
You can't!
- She's right, dude. It's
way too dangerous out there.
I'm an alpha, bro!
Yes!
Okay, I'm gonna get the car
and reverse as close
as I can to the door.
You all pile in and we GTFO!
On God, it's the only way.
- You're so brave.
- Or massively stupid.
Seriously, Chad!
It's a bad idea!
- I'm gonna get us out of here.
I'll go see what else my
uncle has in his bedroom.
He might even have a strap.
- A strap-on?
What are you gonna do, fuck it?
- What? No, bro, a strap.
A fucking gun.
- Oh.
- God.
- Yeah, God, Hope. Can
you be serious for once?
You're such an idiot!
Baby, wait! Wait!
Don't leave me with them!
Fuck yeah!
- You okay?
- Not really.
You?
- No.
- Yeah.
- And this plan is dumb as shit.
- You can say that again.
- But I don't see any other way.
- I mean, that gator,
it seemed different.
Like, could that be even real?
It looked different, right?
Like it was from another
planet or something.
Like, none of this
makes any sense.
- I know.
- By the way, when Chad was
talking about his strap,
I had no idea what
he was talking about.
- I did.
- Of course you did.
At least, if we do die tonight,
we'll die having beaten
them in beer pong.
- Good point.
- Yeah.
- Hey, it'll be all right.
Chad has an idiot confidence.
Things always go right
for people like that.
- Yeah.
- Let's go!
Oh, shit, Hope. I always
thought you were gay.
- Fuck off.
- Not that there's
anything wrong with that.
I'm actually an ally.
- It's not even the same thing.
- What?
- Chad, are you sure
this is a good idea?
I mean, maybe we can come
up with something better.
- I was born for it.
- I'm like fucking
SEAL Team Six, bro.
- So hot.
- Thanks, babe.
- Okay. Is there
anything we can do?
- Nah.
It's all me.
The second I go out there-
- Fuck.
- You guys lock this door, okay?
I'm gonna stay low and
make my way to the car.
No matter what happens
to me out there,
do not open the door until
I back the car up, okay?
Okay, babe?
Okay? Okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Babe, I have no fear.
Zero.
I need you to stay
strong for me.
- Okay.
- I got this, babe.
You know it, right?
- Okay.
- I'm just built
different, babe.
Mwah!
Woo.
Oh, yeah. No fear.
No fucking fear.
Fear is weakness.
Pain is weakness.
- Good luck, man.
- You may be an idiot,
but you are brave.
- Guys, it's nothing. This
thing ain't got shit on me.
Let's go! Oh!
- Go get 'em, babe!
- Woo!
- Okay.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
- He's panicking.
I can't.
- He's totally fine.
Shut up.
- I can't fucking do this.
- Go get 'em, baby!
- Woo!
- You're good, pal.
- That's good.
Fuck.
- He can do it. He's
totally gonna get it.
Move.
- Okay, sorry.
Okay. Here he
goes, here he goes.
Okay.
- Stay low! Stay low!
- You got it. Stay low.
Come on, buddy.
Why is he
walking like that?
It's an
athletic stance.
- Yay!
- Go get it, baby!
- Woo!
- Yeah!
- He's got this.
- Yeah.
- Hurry up.
- Hello?
- Go, go, go!
- Come on!
Do something!
- Go!
Come on!
- Hello?
OMG.
- Oh, fuck!
Paisley!
- He put the katana down!
- Where's the gator? Huh?
- He's close.
- Okay, okay, I got you.
I'm gonna get us out of here,
okay? It's gonna be all good.
Stay with me. Let's go.
Go. You got it.
- Oh, Paisley!
- Oh my God!
- Paisley!
- Paisley!
- I totally forgot about her.
Walk with me now, okay?
Oh, oh, shit.
I got her!
- Oh, put her back.
Put her back.
- Ew.
- Ew!
Chad!
- Oh my God.
- Gator, there it is!
- Oh my God, the gator!
- Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
Oh my God.
Oh, shit!
Paisley!
Army crawl.
Army crawl.
- You can do it!
- Come back! Come back!
- Oh, fuck!
- Oh my God!
Stay away from us!
- No!
- Chad!
- Shit!
- Oh, God.
- I'm warning you.
Back up, fucker! Whoa!
- Yes!
- Nice, nice, nice.
Come on.
- Come on, motherfucker.
I'm gonna make some fucking
boots out of your ass!
Hi-yah!
Who's your daddy? Huh?
Say it. Fuck you!
- Come on!
- Go, go!
- You ain't got shit on me.
Back, bitch!
- Get him, baby!
- All right, good.
- Yeah!
- Get him!
- Okay, yes.
- There we go, there we go.
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
- Get back, bitch! Fucking
go back to your home!
Fuck you!
- Oh my God.
- Come on, come on.
Get it!
- Bitch!
- What the?
Whoa.
What the fuck?
Bro!
Bro.
- He was so sweet.
Why?
Why is this happening to me?
We were gonna get
married someday.
- Uh, yeah.
I'm really sorry, Sarah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
What the fuck are we gonna do?
- I don't know. That thing
didn't even look real.
- Well, it is. You saw
what it just did to Chad.
Sorry, Sarah.
How the fuck are we
gonna get outta here?
- I don't know.
- Sam!
- I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
What if we, like, distracted
it with our food or something?
- Do you think that
thing's gonna want
Gwyneth Paltrow's vegan
tahini dip and some olives?
- Yeah. Maybe.
- Still alive.
- What was that, Sarah?
- Do you think he could
still be alive, like Paisley?
- Who?
- Chad!
- Um.
- Uh.
- Maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
- Probably.
It's looking good.
- Mhm.
There's a big chance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Chad! Chad!
- Paisley!
- Christ!
- Oh my God!
- Holy fuck. I completely
forgot about her.
- Help! It's so big!
- No, ew! Get off me!
Get off me!
Get off me!
- What are you doing?
- It's okay.
- Do you see it?
- Oh, no, no.
Wait, look, look,
look. Look, over there.
No, no, no.
- By the basketball hoop.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Oh my God.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
It's gonna fucking eat her!
- Okay. We need to distract it.
- It's been kind of
nice, just the two of us.
I mean, what do we do?
- The food. The food.
We can distract
it with the food.
The, the, the-
- The dip, the dip!
- The dip shit
that she likes to
eat, that disgusting
Gwyneth Paltrow.
- Get it, get it, get it!
LA shit she likes.
Where the hell would you
keep something like that?
Oh, the fridge!
- Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Are you sure?
- Yes. We have to try something.
Okay?
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Don't be a baby.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hey, asshole! Come get it!
Oh! Okay!
- Oh my God, Pearce! Ew!
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
- Huh, shit. Gators
like tahini dip.
Oh, thank God.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit!
- Yeah!
- Come on, come on!
Get in there! Get in the car!
- Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Oh, she made it!
- Yes!
- She made it!
- Okay!
- I think I insulted
it with the dip.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God. The keys.
- Oh. Oh, shit.
Uh.
- Oh my God.
Shit. Oh my God, shit.
Please don't kill me, Mr. Gator.
I promise I'll return
my gator handbag.
Okay, Sarah.
You can do this.
You can do this.
- Oh, God!
Help me move the couch.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
You got it?
Yeah.
- Okay, okay. Now pull it.
Okay. Okay.
Is it bizarrely quiet?
- Why isn't it trying to get in?
- Maybe the dip killed it.
- I can't fucking believe
this is happening.
- Better them than us, right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Are you kidding me?
- Shit, shit.
- I didn't even wanna
fucking be here, okay?
My mom guilt tripped
me into coming
so I could get to
know Chad better.
Why did I listen?
I could be home.
Instead, I am in the
fucking redneck riviera,
hiding from a man-eating gator!
- I didn't even want
to be here either.
- At least they're your friends.
Well, they were.
- I mean, not really.
Those guys are fucking assholes.
I don't even like them, and
they sound dumb as shit.
- So why did you come?
- I, uh...
I heard you were coming.
- But you didn't even know me.
- Chad kinda showed
me a picture of you,
and I may have stalked
your Instagram.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I don't even know why I'm
admitting this right now.
It's probably 'cause we're both
gonna die tonight, but yeah.
- That's kind of creepy.
- Sorry.
- But cute.
- Oh, God.
Hey. Wake up.
- What, what, what, what, what?
- We fell asleep.
- Shit.
Yeah.
- I was hoping this was
all just a nightmare.
- Yeah, me too.
- How long were we out?
- A few hours or so.
- Do you think it's
still out there?
I mean, maybe it gave
up and it went away.
- Maybe.
- Oh. I'll go check.
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Okay.
It's fine.
- What?
Holy shit!
- So?
- Yeah, so it was just
right outside the window,
waiting for us.
- Fuck!
Yeah.
- And Sarah, I mean, is she-
- Dead, arm severed,
keys in her hand.
I think we're fucked.
- Well, what is it doing?
- Oh, you know, it's like
regular alligator stuff,
just floating through the air,
circling the corpse
of our best friend.
- Did you see anyone
else out there?
- No, no. I'm pretty
sure it ate them all.
- Fuck!
- Yeah.
- The keys.
- What?
- The keys. You said the keys
are still in Sarah's hand.
- Yeah. Her bloody,
disgusting, severed hand.
- Okay, okay, so then
what if we distract it?
- We give it her other hand!
- No.
We lead it outside and
then we make a break for it
and we grab the keys and we
just get the fuck out of here.
- No, no, no, no,
no. That didn't work.
We already tried that.
Remember, with the
vegan Goop tahini dip?
He doesn't want that.
He's too smart for it.
He wants us. He wants meat.
- Okay, well, we have
to try something,
or else we're gonna
end up like them.
- I like my hands.
I want two hands.
- I know, so I
need you to think.
- The Bluetooth speaker!
- What?
- Get the speaker.
Okay.
- What if we somehow
connect our phone and
play some loud-ass song
and we throw it out this door?
The gator thinks it's us.
Distracts it long enough
for us to get to the car.
- Holy shit. That
might actually work.
You're a genius. I love you.
Okay, okay, okay. God,
these fucking things.
Connecting to
King Chad the Sex God iPhone.
- It's still connected
to his phone!
- Hurry up!
- Okay, okay, okay.
Disconnecting
King Chad the Sex God iPhone.
- Oh, yeah, nice.
- Hurry!
Okay, okay, okay.
Connecting
to Hope iPhone.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Are you ready? Are you ready?
- No, no, no. Get
it, get it, get it.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Shit, the speaker.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Are you ready?
Yeah. Okay, okay, okay.
- Wait.
- What was that for?
- That's in case
you get eaten alive.
Oh!
- That's for good luck. I've
never kissed anyone before.
- Oh!
Oh. Okay.
- Let's do it.
- Right!
Hey, asshole, come get it!
Come on
Seems to me some things
I've seen about the scenery
I can't believe
- Go, go, go!
- Okay, okay!
Too bad you too mad
'cause you trash
Two Mexicans sneaking
through the border
She rep me like she
looking for more
Gatekeeper gotta go
harder, I'm too hot
- Get the keys! Get the keys!
- Sarah!
- I'm sorry, Sarah!
Okay, okay, okay.
Hurry! Hurry!
Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Hurry, throw me the
keys! Throw me the keys!
Her fingers
are still clutching it.
- Just throw me the arm!
It's a push to start!
- Okay, okay, okay,
okay. Okay, ready?
Here we go. Are you ready?
Are you ready? Here we go.
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh, oh, oh.
- Holy fucking shit.
- Sam, get us the
fuck out of here now!
Battery at
3%. Reducing volume.
- Wait. He stopped.
He's giving up.
- What?
- Look!
Battery
at 1%. Powering down.
- What the hell am
I even looking at?
- It shrunk. Oh my God.
- I can't believe it!
- How is that even possible?
- Who cares? We did it.
We really fucking did it!
- Mwah.
- What was that one for?
- That's a taste of
what's gonna happen later.
I like
the sound of that.
Yeah! Woo!
Sam?
Yeah?
That's not my hand.
Oh, fuck!
- What the?
I'll fish where I
damn well please.
Okay. Let's see what
we got for Jimbo today.
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
Come to Jimmy.
Come on.
Come on.
There we go.
Oh, son.
Whoa!
Whoa.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa, son.
It's a biggin.
Son of a bitch broke
my fucking line!
That was a big fish.
God.
Well, now, where
did you come from?
Shoot, you're just a
little thing. Just a baby.
Why don't you come back when
you're big enough to eat?
Chad, I need
my caramel latte.
Is there anywhere to stop?
There's, like, a Starbies
along the way, right?
- Tonight's gonna be lit!
The fridge is packed.
- Say hi to the camera, babe.
- What's good?
You know what time it
is. Roach it, baby.
- Wait, babe. This
lighting hits so hard.
Get in here.
- Oh my God, really?
- Yes! Oh!
Why aren't we there yet?
- Bro.
- Well, we would be,
but we're waiting for Sam
to finish taking a piss!
- Bitches, bro.
- Let's go, bro!
- Guys, hey, it's Pearce!
Say hi to the camera.
- What up, bro? Get
this for the Gram.
- Oh, yes!
- Oh! Woo!
Hope, what about you?
- Ugh, lame.
Let's go, bro!
- Sorry. Ah!
Sorry. Sorry.
- Oh my God, babe.
- Party with the boys!
- Sorry. Oh, hey, is
this for Instagram?
Hey, it's-
- Just get in the car,
bro. We gotta go, okay?
Let's go.
In the trunk. Come on.
- Spring break! Woo!
- Lock him in there.
- Get the fuck in there, Sam.
Girls, as
soon as we get there,
I say we go straight
skinny dipping.
- Woo!
- Just buckle up and shut up.
Better watch out, player
Come on
- Slay!
I'm about
to slay that ass.
Is there
any AC on back here?
Who is that back there?
Oh, shit. Sam.
I can't believe your
mom let you out, Sam.
I think
I'm gonna crush
like 15 beers right
when we get there.
Bro, you think
we got enough beer, dude?
I basically
bought out the store, bro.
Fuck yeah, bro.
Someone's lube
is leaking on my leg.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, best weekend ever.
I can't wait!
- Pais isn't shy. Are you, Pais?
- Not at all.
- Ah!
My leg is really wet.
- Oh my gosh.
- God, it's so
fucking warm in here.
- Babe!
- Sorry.
- You're on camera! God!
You keep ruining it.
- I'm just saying.
It's like all of the time.
Oh, shit. Are you guys
ready for this shit?
Oh my God.
It's gonna
blow your fucking mind.
All right. Let's roll.
Is anyone
else thinking about
hopping in the lake,
or is it just me?
Ooh, Chad!
- Ow!
- Let's go, bitches!
Oh my God.
Babe!
- Boom! Yes!
Hey, uh-
- Oh my God, babe!
- Welcome to paradise, fam!
Bro.
- Is this place not
fucking lit or what?
Hell yeah, bro!
I'm so excited!
- Go low, bro. Uh.
It's all ours, baby.
All ours, baby.
- Dope, bro!
- Hey, guys, guys, guys,
before we go in there, we
should just remember that,
you know, we're out in
the wilderness, right?
There could be, like, animals
or who knows what out here,
so we should just
try and be careful.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Dad.
Does everyone have
their sunscreen?
'Cause I don't want anyone
getting a sunburn, you know?
- What about the mosquitoes
this time of year, guys?
Don't forget to use a condom!
Fuck yeah, dude.
- Wait, wait. Say it
again for the camera.
- I'm just saying UV
rays and mosquitoes
can be very dangerous
this time of year.
- You know what else
can be dangerous?
Me spraying it in
your face, bitch.
- Bye.
- So unsanitary.
- Loser!
- Don't forget the bags, bro.
Bro, this is what I'm hitting
every day of the week, bro.
What's up?
Hey, those work-outs
are paying off.
- Call master! Call master!
Shotgun on master, baby.
Guys.
All right, let's
get the fuck in. Come on.
What's the
second amendment?
- Oh.
- It's giving
cottage core toxic
masculinity retro vibes.
- Masculine as fuck, babe.
- Bro,
is your uncle a
samurai or some shit?
- Hah, no, bro.
He runs a few painkiller
pill mills in Florida.
I'm gonna work for him soon.
Dude makes some mad bank, bro.
- What's the Wi-Fi here?
I have, like, zero signal.
- Uh, I don't know
if he has it, bro.
You know, this is his
off-the-ground kinda stuff.
- What?
- Oh my...
- Great, I'm gonna
redneck swamp house,
and I can't even post about it.
Oh.
- Hope, just 'cause
you're my sister
doesn't mean you get to kill
the fucking vibes, okay?
- Step-sister.
- Whatever.
We can all survive for three
days without it, right?
All right, let's all, you
know, go set our shit down.
Maybe chill for a
little bit in our rooms,
- Okay.
- Then do some shots, baby!
- Yes!
It's time to rage!
- Fuck yeah.
Babe, hurry up. I'm horny.
Come on, babe. We're
about to break this bed.
Woo! Spring break!
- Oh!
- Yes!
- Yeah, that's
right. What you got?
Oh, oh, physical!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Look at that
fucking ass you got.
- Does it look good?
- Yeah. That stick
that out, baby.
Oh, yeah. Right there.
Fuck yeah.
- Yeah, squeeze that shit.
Aw, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah.
Sarah's not gonna know
what fucking hit her. Oh.
Gotta get the obliques.
Side crunch. Side crunch.
- Woo!
Looks
fucking awesome, baby.
Oh!
- Oh, that was good. Woo.
- Damn, babe. Look at that ass.
- Ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Woop, woop!
Let's party!
Woo, ooh!
- O-M-G. Fit check.
You guys are so fucking cute.
- Tell me this is
not a total slay.
I got the pants from Shein.
- Oh my God, babe, take a
photo of the three of us.
- Of course.
- Get on that, boy.
- All right. Everyone
say "tequila"!
- Baby.
- Tequila!
Yeah?
- How many times do
I have to tell you?
What?
- That is the worst angle
ever. Hold it up high.
You're gonna make us look bleh.
Sorry, babe. God damn.
"Tequila." One, two, three.
Tequila!
Yeah!
- Let me see.
Horrid. I look fat.
- Babe.
- Big yikes. We can
Facetune it though.
- Party Sam flying in!
- Bro.
Are you going to church?
- What?
- Bro.
What? No, this is a nice shirt.
It's totally in
season. It's Bonobos.
- You're giving single
dad freeloader vibes.
- Yeah.
- Bro.
- It's a nice shirt,
Sam. I like it.
- You do?
- Yeah.
- Hope likes it.
- Okay, Hope. Don't
wait for us or anything.
- Actually, we probably
should eat something, right?
I mean, if we're gonna
be drinking all day.
Good point.
- Okay, so for now, I was
thinking we would do snackies.
I'm making this vegan
dip recipe from Goop,
and then later, I got us
gluten-free pizza rolls.
They're, like, bomb.
- Yeah.
- Perfect. That sounds so good.
- Oh, yeah, guys, I also have
some whey protein
bars in the closet.
- Fuck that. Let's
do another shot.
- Yes!
- Wait, save it. The real
toast will be outside.
- Yeah?
- Oh my God, wait, are
you guys getting engaged?
- What? No.
I mean, not yet.
Okay, so did you guys bring
your school laptops like I said?
- I don't know why.
There's not even service.
I can't even do my B reel, girl.
- Just get it and meet
us outside for the toast.
- Whatever.
- Maybe it's not a good...
- All right.
- All right.
God, hurry up, Hope.
- "God, hurry up, Hope."
- Hope.
Don't worry. I'll
get the laptops>
Okay, so I was
thinking I would shoot
all these different
videos, like,
kind of around the
lake, you know,
just to kind of
show the wildlife
and how I'm super
into wilderness
and hiking and all of that.
I think it'd be
super interesting,
and just for my
following, you know?
Like, I feel like
it's gonna gain me
probably like 50,000
extra followers.
What do you guys think?
Baby?
Yes.
Pour the shots.
Yes, ma'am.
- Are you gonna tell us
why we have our laptops?
It's spring break. I
don't wanna look at this.
- Yeah, I'd actually
like to know that too.
- Okay, I'm gonna film
my toast for TikTok,
and, at the end, you
all just follow my lead.
We're gonna throw our laptops
into the water at the end.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
- Wait, wait, wait,
guys, guys, guys.
We can't actually
be doing this, okay?
Bro.
- This is a hundred percent
gonna go viral, you guys.
Just trust.
- Yes! I love it!
- Okay, are you ready?
- Wait, wait, guys, guys.
We can not throw our laptops
into the water, okay?
These belong to the school,
and it's a complete
environmental hazard.
Bro!
- Think of your
children's children!
- Bro, stop being such
a bitch. Just do it.
Don't you wanna go viral?
- Dog, you know Sarah's
really trying to
become an influencer, okay?
Don't ruin her dreams, my guy.
- Yeah, and the school's just
gonna give us new ones anyway,
and fuck that
capitalist institution.
- I'll need a refill here, Chad.
- Whatever, Hope.
- Chad!
Thanks, bro.
- Bro.
- I dedicate this toast
to only being young once,
to those of us
out there who know
the world is gonna make us
get jobs, get old and boring,
and we say no!
We say fuck that! We're
young, wild, and free!
Cheers to Gen Z.
We party. We love.
We nurture. We care
about one another.
Cheers to us, to life, and
to saying fuck the normalcy
and screw their
expectations of us!
Cheers, bitches!
Woo!
Let's go!
Woo!
- YOLO!
- Slay!
Get it!
You killed it, babe.
Yes.
- Girl, I had literal
tears in my eyes.
That was so slay.
- Like major slay?
- Major slay.
- Ooh!
Well, it would have been perfect
if Hope didn't fuck it up.
- I'm not throwing my computer
into a lake for a TikTok.
- Babe, it's still
gonna be fire AF.
- All right, who wants to
go play some beer pong?
- Me!
- Fuck yeah!
Let's go!
- Hey, it'll be al right.
- Yeah, no, I know. Totally.
I just had a story on
it I wanted to finish.
- Oh. You're a writer, huh?
- Oh, no, no, not really.
I mean, not a good one anyways.
Just some stupid short stories.
- Well, I'd like to
read them one day.
Hey, let's go get drunk and
try to have some fun, huh?
I hear the vegan Goop
dip is out of this world.
- Yeah, sure.
- Fuck!
- Yeah!
Hope, can you
even see over the table?
The only thing you can
make is good grades, Hope.
Oh, yeah
Oh, God,
that was so garbage!
I can't believe I'm
almost related to you.
Oh, Sam.
Oh!
- Hope, put your balls in my
hole right here. This hole.
- Okay. You first.
- Right here, Hope.
Aw, fuck!
You got this.
- Garbage.
- Oh, shit!
You wanna step outside, bro?
- Sorry, sorry.
Bro, you're a loser.
- Shit.
- All right, bro.
Get it, homie.
You got this, bro.
- Game, bro.
- Laser focus, bro.
I got a nice girl
and her ass is fat
- Damn!
- Fuck!
- Bro!
- Okay, so-
- We practice every day!
All those times in
your mom's basement.
We trained for this, bro.
- I know, bro.
- It's all right. I got this.
Like usual, I'll carry the team.
Bro, what you need to do,
you dip the ball and
you give it a good blow.
Then you spank it.
Then you close your
eyes and use the force.
Boom! Oh, yes!
Let's go, bro!
These bitches ain't
got shit on us.
- That's what I'm
fucking for, bro!
- Wait, wait, bro.
What is that, five
wins now, zero losses?
Y'all better get
your shit together.
- Whatever.
- Hey, guys, fair game.
- Come on, bro.
- Oh, shit, bro!
- Oh, no!
- This is my fucking song,
bro! I used to fuck to it!
Groove that, yeah,
I groove that
You wanna get down with
it, then prove that
Body all-time ultimate,
throw your hands up
If you want to blast
- Yeah!
- This slaps!
Yeah, I groove that
You wanna get down with
it, then prove that
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
- Are you kicking
these guys' asses?
- Oh, you know the
fucking vibes, babe.
- Oh, you're so
hot when you win.
- Okay, you guys.
So, Paispais and I were
thinking that, tomorrow,
we would all film
a video for TikTok
of us just, like, going
around and picking up trash
to show that we did our part
to clean up the native lands.
Who's down?
- Me, obvi!
- Yeah.
- You mean the lands you all
just threw your laptops into?
- That was different.
That was to go viral.
- Oh, right.
Grove that, yeah,
I groove that
- Whoa, ladies, chill.
There are much, much
more important things
to worry about right now,
such as fucking beer pong.
- Amen, bro!
- Let's play.
God's plan, bro.
- Aw, you two are
so cute together.
You should totally hook up.
- What?
- We all know you want to.
- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah, I can tell Sam
has a little crush.
- Oh, baby dick.
- No, I don't. What
are you talking about?
- I got it. I'm
a fucking genius.
Why don't we play
one more round?
- Yeah.
- Look, guys.
I'm pretty drunk already.
We should all probably
just go to bed.
- Fucking lightweight, bro.
- All right, how about this?
If we win, you guys
have to hook up.
- Yes!
- If we lose, we never
give you two shit again.
- Hm.
- I don't think that's a good-
- Done. We're in.
- Ooh, Hope's got some balls.
We are?
- Yeah, because I
don't fucking lose.
- I think I'm out, bro.
- What? Bro.
- No cap.
- Bro! Bro, what?
- Sorry, bro.
- Oh!
Oh, yes. This guy.
Get it, homie. Yes!
- We're gonna go
look at the stars.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, look at the stars.
- Oh, yeah, sure you are.
- Nice.
Yeah.
- Have fun, you two.
- Oh, man. I love him.
Hey, babe.
- Looks like
it's couple versus couple.
- Yeah, it is.
It's a four-way
up in this bitch.
Let's play.
Babe,
do you think I can
touch the bottom of
the fucking lake?
Oh my God, babe.
You could do anything
you set your heart to.
- Heh, yeah. I fucking can.
Babe, do you think
this stuff on the lake
is the frogs getting high?
- Oh my God. Totally.
- So fucking cool.
- You're, like, so smart.
- I know, babe. I know.
Babe, how long do you
think this lake is?
- Wow, babe. It's,
like, so long.
- I think it goes for,
like, miles, babe.
You look so fucking
pretty, babe.
- Is this what you want?
- Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
God damn. Your tits
are so fire, babe.
You have such
fucking amazing tits.
I've never been on
no dairy farm before,
but I could milk these
things all fucking day.
- Yeah?
- Oh, for sure.
- Aw, fuck.
- What?
- I left the rubbers
in the room, babe.
- Seriously?
- I know. I fucked up.
- Well, maybe you could try
finally going down on me.
You said, one day, you'd try it.
- Ah.
Babe, you know, it's just,
like, totally not my thing.
Plus, I think I hurt my neck
lifting with Chad the other day.
I totally will though,
soon. I promise.
- Fine.
- Let me make it
up to you, babe.
Sit right there, babe.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Ooh.
Yeah, baby.
- Don't even think about
taking this blindfold off,
or you're gonna be in
big, big, big trouble.
- Mm.
I love it when you
order me around.
- Yeah, you do, babe.
BRB. I'm fucking
lightning quick.
Oh, bust the bank open
And drop it low
- No way you make this.
No fucking way.
Told you! You hit me
right in the dick.
- Baby boy, where are you?
Pearce?
Pearce, come on. I'm cold.
I need someone to warm me up.
You could say it's
getting a little nippy.
Pearce!
OMG.
Babe, come on. Don't
waste a good time.
You are, like, totally
drying me up right now.
Babe, I'm seriously, like,
so un-horny right now.
I didn't even hear you come out.
You're, like, so still.
Babe, knock it off
and come here already.
Okay. I'm done.
OMG!
You gotta get up
- No way.
told you! You suck, again!
- You still ready for me?
I'm all bricked up for you!
Huh?
Babe?
You know I don't like
hide and seek, bro.
Fine, fine, fine.
I'm gonna find
you, and when I do,
bad girl getting punished!
Big time.
I got you.
Paisley?
If you're swimming in
there, you're dumb as hell.
There's snakes
and shit in there.
Fuck.
Okay.
I give up.
This game's dumb as hell.
It's fine. I don't even
wanna bang anymore.
I'll just be sitting here,
drinking solo I guess,
holding my dick.
Fucking condoms.
Shit ruins everything.
What a fucking
bummer of a night.
Bro.
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro!
- Hope sucks, Hope
sucks, Hope sucks!
You suck so bad!
I keep it cool
like a refrigerator
Come on, dork.
I got shit for sale
- Fuck!
- Yes!
- I did it!
- Bitches!
- I can't believe I did that!
- Yeah!
- You said you were good!
I said, girl, put your
number in my phone
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
What about balls back?
- Yes.
- What the fuck is ball's back?
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
We don't play those
stupid frat boy rules.
We won. You lost.
Drink up.
Glug, glug,
glug, glug, glug.
- Wait. Did you guys hear that?
- Hear what?
- No, turn the music down.
I think I heard screaming.
- Hell yeah, you did.
My boy's probably out there,
just tearing that ass up!
- No, no, no. I think
I heard something too.
- Hope, what are you doing?
- Just hold on. Shh.
- Okay.
- I don't hear anything.
- I guess Pearce
is a two-pump chum.
- No, babe. That's not true.
Not my boy. Trust me.
I taught him how to fuck.
Cool.
Ugh. This is dumb as hell.
See?
He's good. Totally fine.
- Where's Paisley?
I don't see her.
- I don't know, babe.
She's probably out there looking
for reception or some shit.
- He isn't moving.
Why isn't he moving?
- You're right.
- Post-nut clarity is
a real thing, guys.
Relax, and look at
him. He is 100% chill.
Oh, shit!
- It's looking right at us!
All right. Stay here.
- Oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God.
- It's okay. It's okay.
Shh, shh. Does
anybody have a phone?
- Oh my God.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I do. I do.
Call the cops.
- Fuck! There's no
fucking service, bro!
Shit.
- It's gonna kill us! Did
you see what it did to him?
- No, it won't,
babe. No, it won't.
He can't see us.
He's not tall enough to look
over this wall, babe. Trust.
- Chad's right. He can't see us.
- No.
- He?
- What?
- Well, you said "he."
How do you know it's a he?
It could be a she or a they or-
- What the fuck
difference does it make?
It just ate your friends!
- Oh, fuck, fuck!
- Oh my God!
- It's ramming the door.
It's ramming the door.
- Huh?
Okay.
See? I told you it can't get in.
The fuck?
Oh, shit. How did it
get up there so fast?
- Oh my God.
- You guys, it's on
the fucking roof.
- Oh my God. It's leaving.
- Thank God.
- Yeah, for now. It
knows where to find us.
- That scream.
- What?
- That scream you heard earlier,
it sounded like Paisley.
- You think she
could still be alive?
- I don't know. Maybe.
You guys, she could
still be out there.
- Yeah, as his
fucking bait, bro.
- Don't say that!
- Babe, enough of this shit.
- Baby, where are you going?
- We're getting the
fuck out of here!
Fuck yeah!
You cannot be serious.
- Look, the only way
we're getting out of here
is with the Jeep.
I'm gonna go get it.
I might even have to take this
thing out for my boy Pearce!
- No, baby. It's too dangerous.
You can't!
- She's right, dude. It's
way too dangerous out there.
I'm an alpha, bro!
Yes!
Okay, I'm gonna get the car
and reverse as close
as I can to the door.
You all pile in and we GTFO!
On God, it's the only way.
- You're so brave.
- Or massively stupid.
Seriously, Chad!
It's a bad idea!
- I'm gonna get us out of here.
I'll go see what else my
uncle has in his bedroom.
He might even have a strap.
- A strap-on?
What are you gonna do, fuck it?
- What? No, bro, a strap.
A fucking gun.
- Oh.
- God.
- Yeah, God, Hope. Can
you be serious for once?
You're such an idiot!
Baby, wait! Wait!
Don't leave me with them!
Fuck yeah!
- You okay?
- Not really.
You?
- No.
- Yeah.
- And this plan is dumb as shit.
- You can say that again.
- But I don't see any other way.
- I mean, that gator,
it seemed different.
Like, could that be even real?
It looked different, right?
Like it was from another
planet or something.
Like, none of this
makes any sense.
- I know.
- By the way, when Chad was
talking about his strap,
I had no idea what
he was talking about.
- I did.
- Of course you did.
At least, if we do die tonight,
we'll die having beaten
them in beer pong.
- Good point.
- Yeah.
- Hey, it'll be all right.
Chad has an idiot confidence.
Things always go right
for people like that.
- Yeah.
- Let's go!
Oh, shit, Hope. I always
thought you were gay.
- Fuck off.
- Not that there's
anything wrong with that.
I'm actually an ally.
- It's not even the same thing.
- What?
- Chad, are you sure
this is a good idea?
I mean, maybe we can come
up with something better.
- I was born for it.
- I'm like fucking
SEAL Team Six, bro.
- So hot.
- Thanks, babe.
- Okay. Is there
anything we can do?
- Nah.
It's all me.
The second I go out there-
- Fuck.
- You guys lock this door, okay?
I'm gonna stay low and
make my way to the car.
No matter what happens
to me out there,
do not open the door until
I back the car up, okay?
Okay, babe?
Okay? Okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Babe, I have no fear.
Zero.
I need you to stay
strong for me.
- Okay.
- I got this, babe.
You know it, right?
- Okay.
- I'm just built
different, babe.
Mwah!
Woo.
Oh, yeah. No fear.
No fucking fear.
Fear is weakness.
Pain is weakness.
- Good luck, man.
- You may be an idiot,
but you are brave.
- Guys, it's nothing. This
thing ain't got shit on me.
Let's go! Oh!
- Go get 'em, babe!
- Woo!
- Okay.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
- He's panicking.
I can't.
- He's totally fine.
Shut up.
- I can't fucking do this.
- Go get 'em, baby!
- Woo!
- You're good, pal.
- That's good.
Fuck.
- He can do it. He's
totally gonna get it.
Move.
- Okay, sorry.
Okay. Here he
goes, here he goes.
Okay.
- Stay low! Stay low!
- You got it. Stay low.
Come on, buddy.
Why is he
walking like that?
It's an
athletic stance.
- Yay!
- Go get it, baby!
- Woo!
- Yeah!
- He's got this.
- Yeah.
- Hurry up.
- Hello?
- Go, go, go!
- Come on!
Do something!
- Go!
Come on!
- Hello?
OMG.
- Oh, fuck!
Paisley!
- He put the katana down!
- Where's the gator? Huh?
- He's close.
- Okay, okay, I got you.
I'm gonna get us out of here,
okay? It's gonna be all good.
Stay with me. Let's go.
Go. You got it.
- Oh, Paisley!
- Oh my God!
- Paisley!
- Paisley!
- I totally forgot about her.
Walk with me now, okay?
Oh, oh, shit.
I got her!
- Oh, put her back.
Put her back.
- Ew.
- Ew!
Chad!
- Oh my God.
- Gator, there it is!
- Oh my God, the gator!
- Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
Oh my God.
Oh, shit!
Paisley!
Army crawl.
Army crawl.
- You can do it!
- Come back! Come back!
- Oh, fuck!
- Oh my God!
Stay away from us!
- No!
- Chad!
- Shit!
- Oh, God.
- I'm warning you.
Back up, fucker! Whoa!
- Yes!
- Nice, nice, nice.
Come on.
- Come on, motherfucker.
I'm gonna make some fucking
boots out of your ass!
Hi-yah!
Who's your daddy? Huh?
Say it. Fuck you!
- Come on!
- Go, go!
- You ain't got shit on me.
Back, bitch!
- Get him, baby!
- All right, good.
- Yeah!
- Get him!
- Okay, yes.
- There we go, there we go.
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa.
- Get back, bitch! Fucking
go back to your home!
Fuck you!
- Oh my God.
- Come on, come on.
Get it!
- Bitch!
- What the?
Whoa.
What the fuck?
Bro!
Bro.
- He was so sweet.
Why?
Why is this happening to me?
We were gonna get
married someday.
- Uh, yeah.
I'm really sorry, Sarah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
What the fuck are we gonna do?
- I don't know. That thing
didn't even look real.
- Well, it is. You saw
what it just did to Chad.
Sorry, Sarah.
How the fuck are we
gonna get outta here?
- I don't know.
- Sam!
- I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
What if we, like, distracted
it with our food or something?
- Do you think that
thing's gonna want
Gwyneth Paltrow's vegan
tahini dip and some olives?
- Yeah. Maybe.
- Still alive.
- What was that, Sarah?
- Do you think he could
still be alive, like Paisley?
- Who?
- Chad!
- Um.
- Uh.
- Maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
- Probably.
It's looking good.
- Mhm.
There's a big chance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Chad! Chad!
- Paisley!
- Christ!
- Oh my God!
- Holy fuck. I completely
forgot about her.
- Help! It's so big!
- No, ew! Get off me!
Get off me!
Get off me!
- What are you doing?
- It's okay.
- Do you see it?
- Oh, no, no.
Wait, look, look,
look. Look, over there.
No, no, no.
- By the basketball hoop.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Oh my God.
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
It's gonna fucking eat her!
- Okay. We need to distract it.
- It's been kind of
nice, just the two of us.
I mean, what do we do?
- The food. The food.
We can distract
it with the food.
The, the, the-
- The dip, the dip!
- The dip shit
that she likes to
eat, that disgusting
Gwyneth Paltrow.
- Get it, get it, get it!
LA shit she likes.
Where the hell would you
keep something like that?
Oh, the fridge!
- Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Are you sure?
- Yes. We have to try something.
Okay?
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Don't be a baby.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hey, asshole! Come get it!
Oh! Okay!
- Oh my God, Pearce! Ew!
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
- Huh, shit. Gators
like tahini dip.
Oh, thank God.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit!
- Yeah!
- Come on, come on!
Get in there! Get in the car!
- Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Oh, she made it!
- Yes!
- She made it!
- Okay!
- I think I insulted
it with the dip.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God. The keys.
- Oh. Oh, shit.
Uh.
- Oh my God.
Shit. Oh my God, shit.
Please don't kill me, Mr. Gator.
I promise I'll return
my gator handbag.
Okay, Sarah.
You can do this.
You can do this.
- Oh, God!
Help me move the couch.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
You got it?
Yeah.
- Okay, okay. Now pull it.
Okay. Okay.
Is it bizarrely quiet?
- Why isn't it trying to get in?
- Maybe the dip killed it.
- I can't fucking believe
this is happening.
- Better them than us, right?
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Are you kidding me?
- Shit, shit.
- I didn't even wanna
fucking be here, okay?
My mom guilt tripped
me into coming
so I could get to
know Chad better.
Why did I listen?
I could be home.
Instead, I am in the
fucking redneck riviera,
hiding from a man-eating gator!
- I didn't even want
to be here either.
- At least they're your friends.
Well, they were.
- I mean, not really.
Those guys are fucking assholes.
I don't even like them, and
they sound dumb as shit.
- So why did you come?
- I, uh...
I heard you were coming.
- But you didn't even know me.
- Chad kinda showed
me a picture of you,
and I may have stalked
your Instagram.
- You did?
- Yeah.
I don't even know why I'm
admitting this right now.
It's probably 'cause we're both
gonna die tonight, but yeah.
- That's kind of creepy.
- Sorry.
- But cute.
- Oh, God.
Hey. Wake up.
- What, what, what, what, what?
- We fell asleep.
- Shit.
Yeah.
- I was hoping this was
all just a nightmare.
- Yeah, me too.
- How long were we out?
- A few hours or so.
- Do you think it's
still out there?
I mean, maybe it gave
up and it went away.
- Maybe.
- Oh. I'll go check.
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Okay.
It's fine.
- What?
Holy shit!
- So?
- Yeah, so it was just
right outside the window,
waiting for us.
- Fuck!
Yeah.
- And Sarah, I mean, is she-
- Dead, arm severed,
keys in her hand.
I think we're fucked.
- Well, what is it doing?
- Oh, you know, it's like
regular alligator stuff,
just floating through the air,
circling the corpse
of our best friend.
- Did you see anyone
else out there?
- No, no. I'm pretty
sure it ate them all.
- Fuck!
- Yeah.
- The keys.
- What?
- The keys. You said the keys
are still in Sarah's hand.
- Yeah. Her bloody,
disgusting, severed hand.
- Okay, okay, so then
what if we distract it?
- We give it her other hand!
- No.
We lead it outside and
then we make a break for it
and we grab the keys and we
just get the fuck out of here.
- No, no, no, no,
no. That didn't work.
We already tried that.
Remember, with the
vegan Goop tahini dip?
He doesn't want that.
He's too smart for it.
He wants us. He wants meat.
- Okay, well, we have
to try something,
or else we're gonna
end up like them.
- I like my hands.
I want two hands.
- I know, so I
need you to think.
- The Bluetooth speaker!
- What?
- Get the speaker.
Okay.
- What if we somehow
connect our phone and
play some loud-ass song
and we throw it out this door?
The gator thinks it's us.
Distracts it long enough
for us to get to the car.
- Holy shit. That
might actually work.
You're a genius. I love you.
Okay, okay, okay. God,
these fucking things.
Connecting to
King Chad the Sex God iPhone.
- It's still connected
to his phone!
- Hurry up!
- Okay, okay, okay.
Disconnecting
King Chad the Sex God iPhone.
- Oh, yeah, nice.
- Hurry!
Okay, okay, okay.
Connecting
to Hope iPhone.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Are you ready? Are you ready?
- No, no, no. Get
it, get it, get it.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Shit, the speaker.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Are you ready?
Yeah. Okay, okay, okay.
- Wait.
- What was that for?
- That's in case
you get eaten alive.
Oh!
- That's for good luck. I've
never kissed anyone before.
- Oh!
Oh. Okay.
- Let's do it.
- Right!
Hey, asshole, come get it!
Come on
Seems to me some things
I've seen about the scenery
I can't believe
- Go, go, go!
- Okay, okay!
Too bad you too mad
'cause you trash
Two Mexicans sneaking
through the border
She rep me like she
looking for more
Gatekeeper gotta go
harder, I'm too hot
- Get the keys! Get the keys!
- Sarah!
- I'm sorry, Sarah!
Okay, okay, okay.
Hurry! Hurry!
Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Hurry, throw me the
keys! Throw me the keys!
Her fingers
are still clutching it.
- Just throw me the arm!
It's a push to start!
- Okay, okay, okay,
okay. Okay, ready?
Here we go. Are you ready?
Are you ready? Here we go.
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh, oh, oh.
- Holy fucking shit.
- Sam, get us the
fuck out of here now!
Battery at
3%. Reducing volume.
- Wait. He stopped.
He's giving up.
- What?
- Look!
Battery
at 1%. Powering down.
- What the hell am
I even looking at?
- It shrunk. Oh my God.
- I can't believe it!
- How is that even possible?
- Who cares? We did it.
We really fucking did it!
- Mwah.
- What was that one for?
- That's a taste of
what's gonna happen later.
I like
the sound of that.
Yeah! Woo!
Sam?
Yeah?
That's not my hand.
Oh, fuck!