Before I Change My Mind (2022) Movie Script
1
- So first...
you wanna squeeze the tip.
Make sure
there's no air in there.
Then, you're going
to firmly unroll the condom
down the length of the shaft.
You wanna...
hmm... try to... ooh.
- Ouch.
-You don't wanna
peel the banana.
Though, there wouldn't be
a banana, now would there?
- Ew!
-If you don't learn this now,
you're all gonna die!
Who's this?
Robin. Oh. You're a...
...merican?
From Washington... D.C.?
-Spokane, actually.
-Oh. Well, take a seat.
Now. Let's try this again.
- Is it
a boy or a girl?
- I have
no idea. Ew.
- Do not
tear the condom.
Then, you wanna
squeeze the tip,
make sure
there's no air in there.
- Hey!
George Washington.
What are you?
- Hey, Carter!
Let's roll, man.
-HEY! Get the hell out of here!
Get out of here!
- Shit.
- Get over here, freak!
Whatever.
We'll try again tomorrow.
Come on.
- Dude.
- Dude.
- My scab is gnarly.
Look, it's peeling.
- Eat it.
- Gross!
-I'll give you two bucks.
-You already owe me like, 200.
-Dude, that kid's such a freak.
It's like, one of those, like,
zebra donkeys,
where it's like a zombie.
-Gross.
-In the savannah, they have,
like, the zombies.
-Dude, what the hell?
-It's, like,
not one but not the other.
-Like half of each?
Man, it's the worst class.
It's like you're
just blowing into a tube
for an hour.
It's not even like you're doing
anything to the tube,
it's just air going in and out.
-Dude, half the class doesn't
know how to play, and, like,
why can't we learn, like,
a cool instrument, like guitar
or something? I mean, dude.
- Rats!
-You're home early.
-I went to a thrift store.
What do you think?
-My shoes are too loose.
-Well, you'll grow into them.
-My feet feel like crying.
-Do you like your school?
-It's fine.
-Was there any trouble?
-No. Were you smoking?
-I quit. You know that.
-Hey, Marnold.
-My name is Tony.
-Did he just say
his name was Marnold?
-Marnold? What kind
of name is Marnold?
-Tony!
-Whatever you say, Marnold.
- You're the expert.
-Okay. Robin, right?
Let's find you an instrument.
-Back home, I used to be
a clarinet player for a year.
-Mmhm. And you can be
whatever you want to be in life.
Here, we only have saxophones.
This one's broken.
This one smells.
Here's an alto. Grab a chair
and a music stand,
little friend,
and find a place to sit.
-What do you think
you're doing?
-I have to sit here.
- Gross.
-All right!
Let's tune up. Give me a D.
- I'll give her a D.
- Carter! Shev.
-These actually
aren't half bad.
-Thank you!
-Way to go, Dad.
-I can teach you
how to make them, if you like.
-No.
- You know I'm faster.
- Then why do I
always get here first?
What's this?
-Whoa. This is awesome.
Is that you?
-Did you draw this?
-Yes. That's why I'm asking
if this is you.
Hey, how come
I'm not in it?
- You are!
-Womp womp.
-What did we get?
-Hold on, you mutant!
I don't even know.
Show me.
Bush Party!
Titty Town!
Cracks A'Poppin'!
-A fishing magazine?
-I just grabbed them fast.
-You can have that one.
-What's wrong with fishing?
I... Buttboy?!
Gross! Ah!
Don't get the AIDS on me!
-You grabbed it.
-No, I didn't.
I was just grabbing them fast.
-Say hello to Cyndi.
-WAH!
No way.
-Yeah.
-Okay. So... try it now.
-I should put the disk in?
-mmhm.
-It's still clicking.
-Hmm.
So the problem is probably
with your floppy disk.
-Does that mean
you lost my syllabus?
-Look, uh,
obviously, you have
more than one copy, right?
-Of course.
-Great!
So why don't you get
the backup, just to be safe,
and we'll work on
recovering this one.
-Thank you.
-A little easier
to work without him breathing
down our necks, right?
-So how'd you get
so good with computers?
-On my home planet,
we are raised by machines.
-Really?
-Spokane isn't a planet.
- Right.
You should come out for drinks
after work with us.
-Oh, I gotta
get home to my kid.
-Oh, you're married.
- Boy, was I ever.
-Another time then?
We go to the Far Side Lounge
every Friday.
-Man, that new game is so cool.
-Yeah, Battle Wars.
It's pretty good.
-Oh, yeah. Battle Wars.
That's the name. It's so...
Oh.
Eh... uh... ugh!
How come they stop for you
but not for me?
-Because you're lame.
-Shut up, man.
What's so special about you?
- Listen up.
Attention, please.
Can I have your attention?
West...
Edmonton... Mall!
Okay.
So, we have
all the consent forms signed,
except for Carter.
-It's coming.
-It's time to assign
band buddies for the trip.
Bea, you're with Bridget.
Sophia, you're with Sophie.
Ethan, you're with Eli.
Tony, you're Natalie.
- Way to go, Marnold!
-What?!
-Calm down. It's not like
they're getting married.
I think the mall has
a wedding chapel.
-Stop!
Stop! You're supposed to put
boy-boy and girl-girl!
-Welcome to the future,
Natalie.
Moving on.
Jenn, you're with Robin.
-No!
-Jenn.
Carter, you're with Shev.
-Ha! Yes!
-Nice! Radical.
This is gonna be cool.
-But don't forget, I need that
permission slip signed ASAP.
- Yeah, yeah.
-Hey, space case!
Get over here.
Okay, band buddy.
These are my rules
for the trip.
Don't touch my stuff.
-I won't.
-I don't want you doing
anything creepy,
like going through my underwear.
-Why would I do that?
-What kind of underwear
do you wear?
-What?
-Let's have a look.
Now you're gonna get it.
- Holy shit!
- Oh, my God!
- What's wrong with you?!
Fight back!
- So you won't
even call the police?
-For a schoolyard fight?
We'd be calling them
twice a day.
Unless you want
to press charges?
-No.
-You won't be able to pick
your nose for a few weeks, kid.
But after that,
you'll be right as rain.
-It's not
my first broken nose.
- Are you okay?
-I guess.
-I'll give you
an extra fortune cookie.
- Tony, hurry up.
You've got a delivery.
-If you're Chinese,
why is your name Tony?
-I'm not Chinese.
-Is that your friend
from school?
-No. That's Marnold.
- In light
of what happened yesterday,
I am thinking of cancelling
West Edmonton Mall.
If you little jerks can't
look out for each other here,
how can I trust you
in the big city?
-But it wasn't our fault.
-I don't care who started it.
I'm changing up
the band buddies.
- Put me with Carter.
-Me?
-But I'm with Carter!
-Shev, you go with Tony.
-Marnold?! But he's
already with someone!
-It's me, but that's okay.
I'll go with Jenn.
- Yes!
You kids are gonna learn
to get along if it kills you.
-Unbelievable.
-And Carter...
I need that permission slip
signed by Monday.
No more excuses,
or you don't go.
-I'll make sure he brings it.
-No! NO! NO! Damn it!
This game sucks.
-What? Stop touching me.
- Give me your permission slip.
I'll take it to school for you.
-How'd you know where he lived?
Is your sister here?
- Hey! You home?
- Yup!
-Where are you?
-In here!
I'm just getting ready for work.
What do you want?
-Did you sign that thing
for the school trip yet?
-What thing?
-When's your mom coming back?
-Who knows? Got herself
a new boyfriend in Lac La Biche.
- Ha! Lac La Bitch! Ow!
What was that for?
-I hope your parents
don't think we're paying them
back for that school trip.
- No, they don't care.
- Must be nice.
Who's this little rock star?
-I'm Robin.
-Hmm.
- I need you
to sign this.
-See you later, tube socks!
-Oh, come on!
-I can sign it.
Let me see
your mom's signature.
-Whoa.
-That's amazing.
-So, what're
you guys doing now?
- Uh, get out of my house?
-Cheer up. It'll be fun.
-It's just a shopping mall.
-And an amusement park
with dolphins.
There's supposed to be
a wave pool.
Did you want to bring
a bathing suit?
-No.
-Here's some money.
Try to have some fun?
-Are you gonna have
a big party while I'm gone?
-Yes. I'm gonna invite over
all my new friends
to watch the music video show
and dance.
-Do you even have
any new friends yet?
-No. Do you?
-I will.
-No!
You son of a ding-dong!
A bit... further.
Okay. Okay.
We're gettin' there.
-Great job, squids!
Didn't they do
a great job, Mrs. Lee?
-Oh! Just wonderful!
-Natalie, you killed that solo.
Didn't she nail it, kids?
-Heh! Nail Natalie!
-All right.
You've got some free time
in the mall.
Stick with your band buddies
and get back
to the bus on time.
Everybody, grab ahold
of your band buddy's hand
and hold 'em up in the air!
-Come on, Shev! Ha!
-You know, even in Spokane
we've heard of this mall.
Have you been here before?
-Yeah.
-Do you think they've
ever been here before?
-Do you think they've been out
of their stupid town before?
-You don't have an accent.
-Why would I?
-When you talk.
-How do you know
I wasn't born in Canada?
-Do I have an accent?
-Yes!
-No way.
It looks stupid.
-Oh, my God. You're scared.
-I'll go.
What? It looks fun.
-Pfft. Come on, Marnold.
Let's go see
if there's a bar around here.
-No.
-Come on, band buddy!
-You got ride tickets?
It's three each.
- I can buy us some.
-Hey!
Come here.
-What?
-Just come on.
-Carter, wait.
Is that from the ride?
- Yeah, I guess.
- Carter.
The bus.
-It's gone? What time is it?
-I don't know!
I don't have a watch.
-Why don't you have a watch?!
They can't just leave.
That's illegal! What time is it?
-It doesn't matter
what time it is, they're gone!
Okay. I'm sorry.
Come on.
-Excuse me, sir.
Ma'am, do you have a quarter?
We really need
to make a phone call.
-Get a job.
- Okay.
-[Hacienda Inn.]
-Is this the Hacienda Inn?
-[That's what I said.
How can I help you?]
-Do you have
Ms. Pahornyk staying there?
-[Can you repeat that?]
-Pahornyk!
P-A-H-O--
-We need to talk to
the band teacher staying there.
-[Oh, are you looking for]
[those lost kids, too?]
-We are those lost kids!
-[Please hold.]
-She put me on hold.
-Well... at least
we got good at begging.
Ew! Dude, don't
chew on the straw.
-I wasn't, I just had my--
-You've had your mouth on it
this entire time.
-When those girls
were pounding on you...
you should've fought back.
-Thank God you're alive.
You two are so dead!
-Hey!
-Save your apologies
for Mrs. Lee in the morning.
-What the hell?!
-Watch your language!
-How could you leave us there?
That's your fault!
-I was very clear
about what time you were meant
to be on the bus!
-We don't have a watch!
-I guess that's my problem!
You two are gonna stay
at this motel all day.
Now Mrs. Lee doesn't get to go
to Fort Edmonton Park either.
How do you like that?
-I'm going shopping.
Don't get me in trouble.
-Come with me
Come with me
And I will make
You understand
We will be, we will be
Forever in
This wonderland
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one for me
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
-What?
-Come on.
-Are you lost?
-We have money.
Will you buy us some beer?
-And why would I do that?
-Because you look like
you need a beer.
Come on. Give him some money.
-Why me?
-Because I don't have
any money.
-There you go... ma'am.
-Sweet! We're gonna get drunk!
-We better not get into
any more trouble.
-Stop being such a pussy.
I wonder what Edmonton
beer tastes like.
-Do you know
what normal beer tastes like?
-Of course I do.
-What's all this?
-The bartender gave us
free shots.
-He gave you free shots.
-Which we will gladly drink.
-Sex on the Beach.
-I don't drink.
-You do now.
-Is it cream?
-It'll make you cream.
-Cheers!
- Ugh.
Ahem.
-I'm so glad
you finally came out with us.
-Yeah, well, the kid gets home
from Edmonton tomorrow, so.
-Daniel, we've been
talking about you.
-You have?
-Yes.
You have a problem,
and we're gonna fix it.
-Oh, no, it's nothing bad.
-You know
that delivery girl, Jamie?
-I don't. Who?
-The hot delivery girl.
-Jamie.
-She asked about you.
-I don't know who that is.
-Brown shorts? The legs?
-Oh! Yes.
-Well, here...
is her number.
-Oh. Heh-heh.
No, thank you.
-Oh, come on!
She's so cute, though!
-So cute!
-Really cute!
-I'm fine. Thanks.
-Are you...
already seeing someone?
-No. It's not that.
-Hmm.
-You're not...
Are you a gay?
-Trish!
-Well?
-I'm just not interested
in seeing anyone right now.
My... last relationship was...
Anyway, she's too young, so.
Ahem.
-Why would you
move to Alberta?
-Where did you say
you were from?
- I'm from the States.
- "I'm from
the States."
-But I live in Alberta now.
-Mm. Sorry about your luck.
-I'm sorry about your luck.
-Oh-ho-ho.
When did you move here?
-Uh, this year. With my dad.
- What about your mom?
HEY!
That's not cool.
-Whatever.
-I gotta go.
I have a bus to catch.
It has been a long night.
- It was nice meeting you.
-Hey, kid. Watch yourself
around that one.
-Come on.
Reach into my pocket.
-What?
-Put your hand in my pocket.
-You stole her lighter?
-Heh. Sorry 'bout her luck.
- Carter!
Don't get so close to the edge.
-You're such a wuss.
-Whatever.
-This is way better
than hanging out
with all those other gaylords.
-Yeah. Totally.
-What the fuck?
Don't touch my hair.
-Hey. Look.
There's Orion.
-What?
-Those three stars.
That's the belt.
See, Orion's a hunter,
and he wears a belt.
That's his knife.
-I don't see it.
-Here.
Put your head on my shoulder...
...and follow my finger.
-Cool! Are they
really close together?
-No.
They're hundreds
of light years apart.
Hey, see if there's
a porno channel.
-Ew! No, let's just watch this.
-How was Fort Edmonton Park?
-Great!
-Don't! I told you not to.
-Natalie got attacked
by a turkey.
-No way!
-Ugh! This tastes like piss!
-That's our last one!
Gimme that.
- How'd you get beer anyway?
- We bought it.
-You did not.
-Madonna bought it for us.
-You did not meet Madonna.
-Yes, we did. See?
- Whoa!
- Wow.
A drawing of Madonna.
Case closed.
-You did that drawing of me
at the Rocket Ship.
- That's amazing.
- It's okay.
-Oh, you're right.
It's terrible.
-Hey, Marnold,
how's the fishing going?
-It's not my magazine.
-That's right.
It's Shev's fishing magazine.
- We've got more magazines.
Check these out!
-Oh, ew!
-You guys are disgusting.
-Boys are so horny.
-Horny virgins.
-Hey, Marnold. You want a beer?
-Why are you guys
so mean to him?
-We're not. Here you go, bud.
-No, thank you.
-What, not allowed to drink?
-Quit it, I can't hear.
- Yeah. Be quiet!
We'll get caught.
-I just don't like the taste.
-As if you've ever had it.
-You said it tastes like piss.
I don't need to try it.
-I think you should try it.
Piss tastes good.
-Real mature, Shev.
-What? I drink piss
all the time. You do know
what piss tastes like,
don't you, Marnold?
-Come on, Natalie. Let's go.
-You're making the girls leave.
-What the shit do I care?
-Language! We'd better
wash your mouth out.
- Ah! Quit it! Get off!
- Stay down!
Stay down!
- Get off of me!
- Just stay down!
Stop struggling.
Stop!
-What do you want, numbnuts?
-Is Carter home?
-Nope.
-Where is he?
-I don't fuckin' know!
Off with the elf.
-Heartbreak,
asleep in the night
Do what you want
It's all right
- There goes Marnold.
- He deserves it.
-Can't get you off my mind
- That looks great.
- Thanks.
-You're like
a professional or something.
-Yeah?
I'm actually pretty good.
-Everyone goes.
Men. Women. Children.
-And everyone's naked?
-That's just
what saunas are like in Europe.
-That's so gross!
What's the biggest penis
you've ever seen?
-Probably my own.
-Whoa. Check it out.
Who invited Bea Arthur?
-All right. All right.
Attention, please.
This is Mr. Anderson,
from the community theatre.
-Hello, children.
-He's here to tell you about
something called summer stock.
-Who wants to be in a musical?
-They're doing
Jesus Christ Superstar!
-Actually, we're not.
-Oh?
-Couldn't get the rights.
-Ah.
-So instead, I've written
an original musical,
from Mary Magdalene's
point of view.
-You have?
-I have!
-Oh.
-I'm on the hunt for some
saxophone-playing centurions.
-Excuse me.
-Yes.
-Were there saxophones
in Jesus' time?
-Yes.
-All right! So who wants
to volunteer to be
part of the show?
It's five weeks of rehearsal
at the college,
every Tuesday
and Thursday night.
-My dad works there!
Don't you want to?
-Okay.
What about you?
-Are you kidding me? It's gay.
And when I say gay,
what I mean is it's for fags!
Watch yourself, Marnold.
-Where the hell is he going?
Ew! Dude, gross.
-Okay. So I'll see you
at 9:30, pick you up.
Oh. Um... I made some spaghetti
for you to eat on the break.
-For me?
-It's for both of you.
-Thanks.
-Give you some energy
to... march around.
-Dad!
-Why me?
Me, why?
Why me?
Me, why?
Come on, Dad,
give me a break
How much shit
am I supposed to take, man?
Come on, Dad,
give me a break
How much shit
am I supposed to take, man?
-Smile, Jesus! Smile!
The poor man's facelift!
-I will.
Judas is wack. Why, Dad?
Cut me some slack!
Why, Dad?
Mary's a drag.
Why, Dad?
Always a nag!
Why, Dad?
Dreams in my head.
Why, Dad?
Showing me dead.
Why, Dad?
Why...
Dad?
-No, no, no, no, no, no! STOP!
Yes. Yes.
Yes. Maybe.
Jesus...
that was beautiful.
Centurions, what the hell?
You! I mean, why aren't you
even in formation
with the rest of them?
-This music is
impossible to march to.
-Actually, it isn't.
We'll do it again.
Just you this time.
-It's in a 5/4 time signature.
-Don't confuse him. All right?
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!
Bah-dum, bah-dum! Right, left!
One, two and three.
Why aren't you moving?
It's a marching band,
not a standing band.
Okay.
No need to laugh.
He's probably doing his best.
What's your name?
-Marnold.
- Marnold is doing his best.
-Gah! Take your musical
and put it in your bum!
- Oh!
-Oh. Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
-Remember this feeling.
Jesus was surrounded
by amateurs too.
Okay!
Moving on!
Isabella, are you out there?
Come on up. All right.
As you know, our lead actress
also had to drop out
at the last second.
No more dropping out!
So... I got us a new star!
Welcome our new
Mary Magdalene, Isabella.
This is your boyfriend, Jesus.
-Hi.
The old one was... older.
-Yeah, I know.
She's a shrimp.
But I think I can block
around the height difference.
-Just... um...
-Let's go from the top
of the ballad
and see what we get, huh?
Please be great.
-I think that's stupid.
I feel bad for the Jesus.
He's gonna be, like,
molesting her or something.
-I don't want to hurt him
I don't to be
Hurt by him
He's just a man
Or is he at all
I can't date him
If he's a god
If he's a god
If he's a god
-Hey! Faggot!
- Ha-ha! I got him!
- Woo-hoo!
-Beat it, nerd!
- If he's a god
I guess I'll be cryin'
While everybody else
Applauds
I just can't date him
If he's a god
- Should we
go talk to her?
-What for?
- I want to go talk to her.
-Hey, Jenn. Hey, Natalie.
-Hey, Carter.
-You're Isabella, right?
-Just Izzy.
-Izzy. You sang good.
-Thanks.
-You're way better
than the last girl they had.
-What happened to her, anyway?
-She broke her leg waterskiing.
-So she can't sing anymore?
-Well, no.
We're lucky to have you.
- Shut up.
-Maybe we should rent a movie.
-Sure.
-When?
-Saturday.
Where?
-What?
We can't go to my place.
-My mom won't mind.
-Okay!
-Sure.
-Sure.
- So...
I'm Carter, p.s.
-Hi, Carter p.s.
-Come on, Carter. Let's go.
-Okay. Thanks, Izzy.
See you Saturday.
-This way.
- I'm Carter, p.s.
-Is Izzy home?
-Oh! Uh...
-This is the best one. I love
this band with all my heart.
-Don't they have a better song?
-No!
-Hey, guys!
-Hey.
-You're late.
-We brought snacks!
- I'm so hungry.
-So what movie did you get?
-Well, we couldn't decide
so we're gonna watch
the Jane Fonda Workout video.
-Uh...
-I'm just kidding. Here.
-Whoa... Your mom
let you rent this?
-She didn't care.
-Can we ask for snacks?
-I like your glasses.
-Thanks, they were
my grandma's.
-Oh... I'm sorry.
-Why?
-Isn't she dead?
-No. She just got new glasses.
- Oh, my God.
-Dude!
-We have to push them both off.
-Are they faded?
-Yeah, I can repaint them.
-Robin, can I get you a chair?
-No. I'm fine.
-Robin, get the lights.
-Or what, Jenn?
You gonna break my nose again?
- Okay, okay.
-That was good.
- They're so creepy!
- Why are they
always hanging around?
-Snacks.
- Over here!
-Ooh!
-Oh!
-Thank you.
- Nobody wants them here.
- Yeah, that's good.
- Out of bounds!
- I don't like scary movies.
- Shh! Just watch it.
- Give me the ball!
Freaks!
- No, Mother.
Please.
- You stay down here!
- Don't lock us
in the basement.
- Evil boy!
Sinful girl!
AH! NO!
- Mother, Mother,
come and play.
-Robin?
- Stay with us or go away.
-Hey!
- Stay together, never stray.
Mother, Mother, all your days.
- Robin?
-Just... please keep watching.
-Hey, what's going on?
-Robin, come to my room.
-Hey, nice bedroom.
-Just give us a moment, please?
-I'm sorry. Okay.
-That's holy water.
From France.
-You've been to France?
-No.
- Food's here!
-Marnold?
-Whoa.
-Oh! Do you all
know each other?
-No. We do not.
-You
Queen of my heart
You could have most anything
You could have most anything
You
The light from the stars
Agony and ecstasy
Entropy and victory
-Well, it's
a small two-bedroom,
but it serves its function.
-You know...
for what you're
probably paying in rent,
you'd be better off owning.
-"Annie Waverley Realty."
-"Come Sale Away!" Heh.
My number's on there.
Call me anytime, Dan.
-Oh.
No one ever really
calls me Dan.
-Hmm! I guess I do now.
- Go! Go!
- Oh!
Looks like someone had
a makeover party!
- None for you?
-I didn't want to.
- Uh...
Thank you for coming over.
-Bye, Izzy.
-Bye, Izzy.
-Uh, bye!
-Yeah, bye!
-Don't!
-I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
-Love me
-I'm busy
-See me
-It's not you, it's me
-So focused on
your career
-Okay
Get over here
Quick
Before I change
My mind
-Hi, Dan.
-Hi.
-How are you enjoying
the show so far?
-Oh. Uh, well, Jesus likes
the sound of his own voice.
-Can I buy you a drink?
-Oh.
All right. Yeah, okay.
Sure. Yes. Thanks.
-Oh... ah!
-Oh.
-So... you're alone, too?
-You mean just tonight?
-Oh!
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to be too forward.
There's an empty seat
next to me if you'd...
like to sit closer
for the second half?
-There's an empty seat
next to me if you'd like to sit
further away?
-HA!
- One!
Two! Tell him what he's won!
Three!
Four!
Thirty-eight!
Thirty-nine!
It's Monday somewhere!
Forty!
Forty-one!
Ninety-six!
Ninety-seven!
It's a livin'! Ninety-eight!
Ninety-nine!
- Oh, my God.
-Love me
-I'm dying
-See me
-It's not you
It's me
-I've got a life, you know
-I've really
Got to go
Now!
-I mean, what even are we?
Boyfriend and girlfriend?
Or what?
Jesus? Answer me!
Oh!
I'll love you
Love you
For all time
-I'm the video
Video star, I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
All you need
With me
Video star
-Cheers!
-Okay! Okay! What a show, huh?
What a night!
What a life! Yeah!
Let's hear it for
our musical director,
Ms. Pahornyk!
Yeah!
Jesus Christ,
our well-hung Jesus,
how about those curls, girls?
-Is he drunk?
-100%.
-Oh, who cares
what the reviewers think.
They can't do any worse to you
than the Romans! Oh!
Okay. Come on, Conrad.
-Hey, have you guys
seen Carter?
-Yeah. He's right there.
-Um... Come on, Natalie.
Let's go get drinks.
-Mmhm.
-He's not here, super squirrel.
-Do you know where he might be?
-Probably out with
his creepy little girlfriend.
- Shit.
-Hey.
-So...
do you wanna make out?
-Let's do something else.
-Like what?
-I dunno.
These are really good.
Did you draw these?
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let's go see
if we can find some frogs.
-Don't you want to stay
in the rocket ship?
-It's not going anywhere.
- Geologists,
tapping the mineral-rich region
of Northeastern Alberta, Canada,
develop a 10,000-square mile
range of oil sands.
Sands so filled with oil
that engineers predict
a potential yield
of 250 billion barrels.
Dynamiters blasts barely 20 feet
beneath the surface.
- What are you doing home?
- Like mining coal
above the surface, steam...
-Why aren't you out
with your friends?
- ...rich deposit for processing
at a nearby plant.
-I don't know where he is.
- ...steaming hot water
separates the globules...
-You are allowed to have
more than one friend, you know.
- ...of sand. The oil rises
to the top,
the sand goes to the bottom.
300 barrels of oil
from 400 tonnes of sand,
and they've just tapped
the surface.
-What do you think of this one?
-Nice. Subtle.
- Jenn,
how do you say this?
Fuck... fuck... sia?
-Fuchsia, dummy.
-Fuchsia? That's--that's dumb.
-Oh! Ladies! Please don't apply
the product directly
to your face.
-But--
-It's unsanitary.
You put it on your hand,
like this. Hmm?
-Hmm!
-This is the last lime one.
Do you think you have another
in the back maybe?
-Oh? Let me go and check.
It's pretty popular,
we should have it.
-That's so ugly.
-What are you talking about?
-Izzy!
-Come on.
-Izzy, don't!
-It's just a big makeup
company, what do you care?
-It's wrong.
-It's not hurting anyone.
They'll never even notice.
-That's not the point.
-Hey, guys.
-Hi, Robin.
-Am I interrupting something?
-Well--
-Robin, do you think
it's wrong to steal
a $5 lip gloss
from a giant corporation
that owns the whole world?
-Is it a good colour?
-You guys are assholes.
-Oh, come on. I thought you two
were supposed to be so tough.
-We already got caught once
for shoplifting, okay?
-And if we get caught again,
we'll, like, go to prison.
-Who told you that?
-Come on, Natalie.
-This is the lip gloss
in question.
Well, what do you think?
-Very pretty.
-You want to try it?
-Sure.
- No, no, no. Those.
-These?
-Mmhm.
- What?
-Excuse me.
-Yes?
-Do you happen have
another pair of these?
-Hold on. Let me check.
-Okay, now!
-Just your A-boys
We will always be,
we will always be
We will always be
your A-boys
-Nice try, dummies.
-Don't sulk, please.
-It was just a pair
of stupid sunglasses.
-Do you think you have to steal
so people will like you?
-"You're allowed to have
more than one friend, you know."
-Are these the kind of people
you want to be friends with
if they want you
to steal for them?
-Izzy had nothing
to do with it.
-So you're trying
to impress her?
Was she impressed?
Are you impressed
with yourself?
What if they'd
called the police?
I'm trying to be
your friend, here.
But maybe that's a mistake.
-So.
-So.
-Where were you yesterday?
-Hanging out.
-Hanging out?
-Just... hanging out.
With Izzy.
-Just hanging out with Izzy?
-Ow! What the hell?
-Put your fingers
in your mouth.
-What?
-Put your fingers
in your mouth.
Now say something.
-Sausages.
-Say Izzy.
Say Isabella.
-Isabella.
-What are you doing? Gross.
Why are you here?
-I want my fishing magazine!
- It's gone, man.
-Gone?
-I burned it.
What are you two?
-Shut up.
-I'll tell you what you are,
you're a couple of gross freaks!
OW! MY ARM!
AGH! Oh!
-Whoa!
-OW!
-That's so messed up.
I bought these for you.
For my birthday.
-Thanks!
Happy Birthday.
-What's this?
-Nothing.
Carter pinched me.
But it's nothing.
-Are you okay?
-I don't know.
It's easier with you.
It looks like
it's falling on us.
-It is.
-Daniel, hi.
-Annie, hello.
-You look very handsome.
-Thank you. So do you.
-Oh!
Mm! Is that Van Dyke?
-I don't know. Uh, it's all
they had left at the pharmacy.
So.
-So. Heh.
Here we are.
Dan'n'Annie.
- That's right.
Oh.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
- I just...
don't know.
-Can you come up here
and tell me?
-I don't want to climb into
the treehouse, Carter.
-It's not a treehouse.
It's a rocket ship.
I stole us beers from my sister.
Okay, I'll come down.
-No. Stay up there.
I kissed Robin.
-Can't you just come up here?
-I'm sorry.
-So the horse then says,
"Oh, my God. It's talking dog."
-See? You do know a joke.
-Jokes are for people
who aren't funny.
-Mm! I've got one.
What do you call a beaver
on skates?
Yes, please.
-ROBIN!
ROBIN!
-Deep-fried wontons,
green onion cake,
sliced barbequed pork,
egg rolls, and...
a couple cans of cola.
Yeah. Okay.
On hold.
-Your mom lets you
order food on your own?
-Yeah, I do it all the time.
Care for a drink
before dinner?
- Dan'an'Annie!
A-Dan'an'Annie!
Oh!
-Thank you for
the invitation, Annie.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah. It's time
for me to go.
-Your aura just got
all judge-y.
-Take care of yourself,
all right?
Take a cab home.
- Shit.
-She's a cool
Blonde, scheming bitch
She makes my body twitch
Walkin' down the corridor
You can hear
Her stilettos click
I want her so much I feel
Sick
The girl can't help it
She really can't help it now
It's like a high school
A high school confidential
A high school
A high school confidential
Teenage Brandos
Stalk her in hall
-Huh.
You did these.
-They tease her
With catcalls
She's a combination
Anita Eckberg,
Mamie Van Doren
-Carter!
- What are you doing?
-Don't you look at me.
-Carter, what the hell?
-What are you doing?!
-Carter, get down from there!
-Carter! Don't touch that!
-Seriously,
put it down, Carter!
-Carter, it's not funny!
-Carter, STOP IT!
- What was that for?!
-Carter, stop! Get down!
-Carter, what the hell?
- Get off! Get out!
What are you doing? Carter?
-Carter!
Put it down. Carter, stop it!
-Carter, don't!
-CARTER, STOP! STOP IT!
-CARTER!
What are you doing?! Stop!
-Stop it, Carter! Put it down!
- CARTER, GET OUT!
NO, CARTER! JUST STOP!
- STOP!
- Please, don't! GET OUT!
-IZZY! IZZY!
-MOM!
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE?!
You get out of my house!
GET OUT!
- Please!
-I WILL RUIN YOU!
You little piece of--
AGH! Oh!
YOU SHIT!
- Hello?
Hello?
- OVER HERE!
-What's going on?
How can you drink that?
-I'm sorry.
-I don't care.
-I mean before.
We were assholes.
I was.
-And you're not anymore?
-Can I touch your hair?
-Yes.
- Hello, girls.
-Carter--
-Oh no, don't get up.
-Stop it!
-No, please, have a seat.
-What are you doing here?!
-Stop it!
- You want some, Marnold?
So you're cool now,
is that the idea?
-Give it back!
- GET OFF OF HIM! GET OFF!
-Finally! This is
what I've been waiting for.
Fight back!
-Stop it!
-What are you doing?
Stop hitting yourself.
-Stop it! Cut it out!
-I thought you were
gonna fight back.
-FUCK OFF!
What are you?
Holy shit.
Just give it.
- Fight back!
Fight back!
-What's falling apart
Waking up
from a teenage dream
It's the hardest part
To face the truth,
accept defeat, hey!
Hangin' on
by your fingertips
Hangin' on,
but you're tired now
You hold, you got that,
then you let go
Free-falling in slow motion,
oh yeah
Another day was coming
Did you think
it's gonna last forever?
If you did, you'd recall
You'd recall, you'd recall
The wall-to-wall
will disappear
They all moved on
and left you here
Wishing you could be
A kid again
Back then, in a simpler time
It's too late,
the flaw in the design
Yeah!
On the street
when the sun goes down
Angry kids
with nowhere to go
Aluminum machines
and the neon lights
Are just memories
of you and I
An afterthought
that makes us sigh
It all gets
washed away in time
An afterthought
that makes us sigh
It all gets
washed away in time
Everyone you used to know
Now, they've gone
and left you here
Wishing someone
Could take it all away
That was a simpler time
It's too late
The flaw in the design
Yeah!
- So first...
you wanna squeeze the tip.
Make sure
there's no air in there.
Then, you're going
to firmly unroll the condom
down the length of the shaft.
You wanna...
hmm... try to... ooh.
- Ouch.
-You don't wanna
peel the banana.
Though, there wouldn't be
a banana, now would there?
- Ew!
-If you don't learn this now,
you're all gonna die!
Who's this?
Robin. Oh. You're a...
...merican?
From Washington... D.C.?
-Spokane, actually.
-Oh. Well, take a seat.
Now. Let's try this again.
- Is it
a boy or a girl?
- I have
no idea. Ew.
- Do not
tear the condom.
Then, you wanna
squeeze the tip,
make sure
there's no air in there.
- Hey!
George Washington.
What are you?
- Hey, Carter!
Let's roll, man.
-HEY! Get the hell out of here!
Get out of here!
- Shit.
- Get over here, freak!
Whatever.
We'll try again tomorrow.
Come on.
- Dude.
- Dude.
- My scab is gnarly.
Look, it's peeling.
- Eat it.
- Gross!
-I'll give you two bucks.
-You already owe me like, 200.
-Dude, that kid's such a freak.
It's like, one of those, like,
zebra donkeys,
where it's like a zombie.
-Gross.
-In the savannah, they have,
like, the zombies.
-Dude, what the hell?
-It's, like,
not one but not the other.
-Like half of each?
Man, it's the worst class.
It's like you're
just blowing into a tube
for an hour.
It's not even like you're doing
anything to the tube,
it's just air going in and out.
-Dude, half the class doesn't
know how to play, and, like,
why can't we learn, like,
a cool instrument, like guitar
or something? I mean, dude.
- Rats!
-You're home early.
-I went to a thrift store.
What do you think?
-My shoes are too loose.
-Well, you'll grow into them.
-My feet feel like crying.
-Do you like your school?
-It's fine.
-Was there any trouble?
-No. Were you smoking?
-I quit. You know that.
-Hey, Marnold.
-My name is Tony.
-Did he just say
his name was Marnold?
-Marnold? What kind
of name is Marnold?
-Tony!
-Whatever you say, Marnold.
- You're the expert.
-Okay. Robin, right?
Let's find you an instrument.
-Back home, I used to be
a clarinet player for a year.
-Mmhm. And you can be
whatever you want to be in life.
Here, we only have saxophones.
This one's broken.
This one smells.
Here's an alto. Grab a chair
and a music stand,
little friend,
and find a place to sit.
-What do you think
you're doing?
-I have to sit here.
- Gross.
-All right!
Let's tune up. Give me a D.
- I'll give her a D.
- Carter! Shev.
-These actually
aren't half bad.
-Thank you!
-Way to go, Dad.
-I can teach you
how to make them, if you like.
-No.
- You know I'm faster.
- Then why do I
always get here first?
What's this?
-Whoa. This is awesome.
Is that you?
-Did you draw this?
-Yes. That's why I'm asking
if this is you.
Hey, how come
I'm not in it?
- You are!
-Womp womp.
-What did we get?
-Hold on, you mutant!
I don't even know.
Show me.
Bush Party!
Titty Town!
Cracks A'Poppin'!
-A fishing magazine?
-I just grabbed them fast.
-You can have that one.
-What's wrong with fishing?
I... Buttboy?!
Gross! Ah!
Don't get the AIDS on me!
-You grabbed it.
-No, I didn't.
I was just grabbing them fast.
-Say hello to Cyndi.
-WAH!
No way.
-Yeah.
-Okay. So... try it now.
-I should put the disk in?
-mmhm.
-It's still clicking.
-Hmm.
So the problem is probably
with your floppy disk.
-Does that mean
you lost my syllabus?
-Look, uh,
obviously, you have
more than one copy, right?
-Of course.
-Great!
So why don't you get
the backup, just to be safe,
and we'll work on
recovering this one.
-Thank you.
-A little easier
to work without him breathing
down our necks, right?
-So how'd you get
so good with computers?
-On my home planet,
we are raised by machines.
-Really?
-Spokane isn't a planet.
- Right.
You should come out for drinks
after work with us.
-Oh, I gotta
get home to my kid.
-Oh, you're married.
- Boy, was I ever.
-Another time then?
We go to the Far Side Lounge
every Friday.
-Man, that new game is so cool.
-Yeah, Battle Wars.
It's pretty good.
-Oh, yeah. Battle Wars.
That's the name. It's so...
Oh.
Eh... uh... ugh!
How come they stop for you
but not for me?
-Because you're lame.
-Shut up, man.
What's so special about you?
- Listen up.
Attention, please.
Can I have your attention?
West...
Edmonton... Mall!
Okay.
So, we have
all the consent forms signed,
except for Carter.
-It's coming.
-It's time to assign
band buddies for the trip.
Bea, you're with Bridget.
Sophia, you're with Sophie.
Ethan, you're with Eli.
Tony, you're Natalie.
- Way to go, Marnold!
-What?!
-Calm down. It's not like
they're getting married.
I think the mall has
a wedding chapel.
-Stop!
Stop! You're supposed to put
boy-boy and girl-girl!
-Welcome to the future,
Natalie.
Moving on.
Jenn, you're with Robin.
-No!
-Jenn.
Carter, you're with Shev.
-Ha! Yes!
-Nice! Radical.
This is gonna be cool.
-But don't forget, I need that
permission slip signed ASAP.
- Yeah, yeah.
-Hey, space case!
Get over here.
Okay, band buddy.
These are my rules
for the trip.
Don't touch my stuff.
-I won't.
-I don't want you doing
anything creepy,
like going through my underwear.
-Why would I do that?
-What kind of underwear
do you wear?
-What?
-Let's have a look.
Now you're gonna get it.
- Holy shit!
- Oh, my God!
- What's wrong with you?!
Fight back!
- So you won't
even call the police?
-For a schoolyard fight?
We'd be calling them
twice a day.
Unless you want
to press charges?
-No.
-You won't be able to pick
your nose for a few weeks, kid.
But after that,
you'll be right as rain.
-It's not
my first broken nose.
- Are you okay?
-I guess.
-I'll give you
an extra fortune cookie.
- Tony, hurry up.
You've got a delivery.
-If you're Chinese,
why is your name Tony?
-I'm not Chinese.
-Is that your friend
from school?
-No. That's Marnold.
- In light
of what happened yesterday,
I am thinking of cancelling
West Edmonton Mall.
If you little jerks can't
look out for each other here,
how can I trust you
in the big city?
-But it wasn't our fault.
-I don't care who started it.
I'm changing up
the band buddies.
- Put me with Carter.
-Me?
-But I'm with Carter!
-Shev, you go with Tony.
-Marnold?! But he's
already with someone!
-It's me, but that's okay.
I'll go with Jenn.
- Yes!
You kids are gonna learn
to get along if it kills you.
-Unbelievable.
-And Carter...
I need that permission slip
signed by Monday.
No more excuses,
or you don't go.
-I'll make sure he brings it.
-No! NO! NO! Damn it!
This game sucks.
-What? Stop touching me.
- Give me your permission slip.
I'll take it to school for you.
-How'd you know where he lived?
Is your sister here?
- Hey! You home?
- Yup!
-Where are you?
-In here!
I'm just getting ready for work.
What do you want?
-Did you sign that thing
for the school trip yet?
-What thing?
-When's your mom coming back?
-Who knows? Got herself
a new boyfriend in Lac La Biche.
- Ha! Lac La Bitch! Ow!
What was that for?
-I hope your parents
don't think we're paying them
back for that school trip.
- No, they don't care.
- Must be nice.
Who's this little rock star?
-I'm Robin.
-Hmm.
- I need you
to sign this.
-See you later, tube socks!
-Oh, come on!
-I can sign it.
Let me see
your mom's signature.
-Whoa.
-That's amazing.
-So, what're
you guys doing now?
- Uh, get out of my house?
-Cheer up. It'll be fun.
-It's just a shopping mall.
-And an amusement park
with dolphins.
There's supposed to be
a wave pool.
Did you want to bring
a bathing suit?
-No.
-Here's some money.
Try to have some fun?
-Are you gonna have
a big party while I'm gone?
-Yes. I'm gonna invite over
all my new friends
to watch the music video show
and dance.
-Do you even have
any new friends yet?
-No. Do you?
-I will.
-No!
You son of a ding-dong!
A bit... further.
Okay. Okay.
We're gettin' there.
-Great job, squids!
Didn't they do
a great job, Mrs. Lee?
-Oh! Just wonderful!
-Natalie, you killed that solo.
Didn't she nail it, kids?
-Heh! Nail Natalie!
-All right.
You've got some free time
in the mall.
Stick with your band buddies
and get back
to the bus on time.
Everybody, grab ahold
of your band buddy's hand
and hold 'em up in the air!
-Come on, Shev! Ha!
-You know, even in Spokane
we've heard of this mall.
Have you been here before?
-Yeah.
-Do you think they've
ever been here before?
-Do you think they've been out
of their stupid town before?
-You don't have an accent.
-Why would I?
-When you talk.
-How do you know
I wasn't born in Canada?
-Do I have an accent?
-Yes!
-No way.
It looks stupid.
-Oh, my God. You're scared.
-I'll go.
What? It looks fun.
-Pfft. Come on, Marnold.
Let's go see
if there's a bar around here.
-No.
-Come on, band buddy!
-You got ride tickets?
It's three each.
- I can buy us some.
-Hey!
Come here.
-What?
-Just come on.
-Carter, wait.
Is that from the ride?
- Yeah, I guess.
- Carter.
The bus.
-It's gone? What time is it?
-I don't know!
I don't have a watch.
-Why don't you have a watch?!
They can't just leave.
That's illegal! What time is it?
-It doesn't matter
what time it is, they're gone!
Okay. I'm sorry.
Come on.
-Excuse me, sir.
Ma'am, do you have a quarter?
We really need
to make a phone call.
-Get a job.
- Okay.
-[Hacienda Inn.]
-Is this the Hacienda Inn?
-[That's what I said.
How can I help you?]
-Do you have
Ms. Pahornyk staying there?
-[Can you repeat that?]
-Pahornyk!
P-A-H-O--
-We need to talk to
the band teacher staying there.
-[Oh, are you looking for]
[those lost kids, too?]
-We are those lost kids!
-[Please hold.]
-She put me on hold.
-Well... at least
we got good at begging.
Ew! Dude, don't
chew on the straw.
-I wasn't, I just had my--
-You've had your mouth on it
this entire time.
-When those girls
were pounding on you...
you should've fought back.
-Thank God you're alive.
You two are so dead!
-Hey!
-Save your apologies
for Mrs. Lee in the morning.
-What the hell?!
-Watch your language!
-How could you leave us there?
That's your fault!
-I was very clear
about what time you were meant
to be on the bus!
-We don't have a watch!
-I guess that's my problem!
You two are gonna stay
at this motel all day.
Now Mrs. Lee doesn't get to go
to Fort Edmonton Park either.
How do you like that?
-I'm going shopping.
Don't get me in trouble.
-Come with me
Come with me
And I will make
You understand
We will be, we will be
Forever in
This wonderland
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one for me
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one, you're the one
You're the one,
you're the one
-What?
-Come on.
-Are you lost?
-We have money.
Will you buy us some beer?
-And why would I do that?
-Because you look like
you need a beer.
Come on. Give him some money.
-Why me?
-Because I don't have
any money.
-There you go... ma'am.
-Sweet! We're gonna get drunk!
-We better not get into
any more trouble.
-Stop being such a pussy.
I wonder what Edmonton
beer tastes like.
-Do you know
what normal beer tastes like?
-Of course I do.
-What's all this?
-The bartender gave us
free shots.
-He gave you free shots.
-Which we will gladly drink.
-Sex on the Beach.
-I don't drink.
-You do now.
-Is it cream?
-It'll make you cream.
-Cheers!
- Ugh.
Ahem.
-I'm so glad
you finally came out with us.
-Yeah, well, the kid gets home
from Edmonton tomorrow, so.
-Daniel, we've been
talking about you.
-You have?
-Yes.
You have a problem,
and we're gonna fix it.
-Oh, no, it's nothing bad.
-You know
that delivery girl, Jamie?
-I don't. Who?
-The hot delivery girl.
-Jamie.
-She asked about you.
-I don't know who that is.
-Brown shorts? The legs?
-Oh! Yes.
-Well, here...
is her number.
-Oh. Heh-heh.
No, thank you.
-Oh, come on!
She's so cute, though!
-So cute!
-Really cute!
-I'm fine. Thanks.
-Are you...
already seeing someone?
-No. It's not that.
-Hmm.
-You're not...
Are you a gay?
-Trish!
-Well?
-I'm just not interested
in seeing anyone right now.
My... last relationship was...
Anyway, she's too young, so.
Ahem.
-Why would you
move to Alberta?
-Where did you say
you were from?
- I'm from the States.
- "I'm from
the States."
-But I live in Alberta now.
-Mm. Sorry about your luck.
-I'm sorry about your luck.
-Oh-ho-ho.
When did you move here?
-Uh, this year. With my dad.
- What about your mom?
HEY!
That's not cool.
-Whatever.
-I gotta go.
I have a bus to catch.
It has been a long night.
- It was nice meeting you.
-Hey, kid. Watch yourself
around that one.
-Come on.
Reach into my pocket.
-What?
-Put your hand in my pocket.
-You stole her lighter?
-Heh. Sorry 'bout her luck.
- Carter!
Don't get so close to the edge.
-You're such a wuss.
-Whatever.
-This is way better
than hanging out
with all those other gaylords.
-Yeah. Totally.
-What the fuck?
Don't touch my hair.
-Hey. Look.
There's Orion.
-What?
-Those three stars.
That's the belt.
See, Orion's a hunter,
and he wears a belt.
That's his knife.
-I don't see it.
-Here.
Put your head on my shoulder...
...and follow my finger.
-Cool! Are they
really close together?
-No.
They're hundreds
of light years apart.
Hey, see if there's
a porno channel.
-Ew! No, let's just watch this.
-How was Fort Edmonton Park?
-Great!
-Don't! I told you not to.
-Natalie got attacked
by a turkey.
-No way!
-Ugh! This tastes like piss!
-That's our last one!
Gimme that.
- How'd you get beer anyway?
- We bought it.
-You did not.
-Madonna bought it for us.
-You did not meet Madonna.
-Yes, we did. See?
- Whoa!
- Wow.
A drawing of Madonna.
Case closed.
-You did that drawing of me
at the Rocket Ship.
- That's amazing.
- It's okay.
-Oh, you're right.
It's terrible.
-Hey, Marnold,
how's the fishing going?
-It's not my magazine.
-That's right.
It's Shev's fishing magazine.
- We've got more magazines.
Check these out!
-Oh, ew!
-You guys are disgusting.
-Boys are so horny.
-Horny virgins.
-Hey, Marnold. You want a beer?
-Why are you guys
so mean to him?
-We're not. Here you go, bud.
-No, thank you.
-What, not allowed to drink?
-Quit it, I can't hear.
- Yeah. Be quiet!
We'll get caught.
-I just don't like the taste.
-As if you've ever had it.
-You said it tastes like piss.
I don't need to try it.
-I think you should try it.
Piss tastes good.
-Real mature, Shev.
-What? I drink piss
all the time. You do know
what piss tastes like,
don't you, Marnold?
-Come on, Natalie. Let's go.
-You're making the girls leave.
-What the shit do I care?
-Language! We'd better
wash your mouth out.
- Ah! Quit it! Get off!
- Stay down!
Stay down!
- Get off of me!
- Just stay down!
Stop struggling.
Stop!
-What do you want, numbnuts?
-Is Carter home?
-Nope.
-Where is he?
-I don't fuckin' know!
Off with the elf.
-Heartbreak,
asleep in the night
Do what you want
It's all right
- There goes Marnold.
- He deserves it.
-Can't get you off my mind
- That looks great.
- Thanks.
-You're like
a professional or something.
-Yeah?
I'm actually pretty good.
-Everyone goes.
Men. Women. Children.
-And everyone's naked?
-That's just
what saunas are like in Europe.
-That's so gross!
What's the biggest penis
you've ever seen?
-Probably my own.
-Whoa. Check it out.
Who invited Bea Arthur?
-All right. All right.
Attention, please.
This is Mr. Anderson,
from the community theatre.
-Hello, children.
-He's here to tell you about
something called summer stock.
-Who wants to be in a musical?
-They're doing
Jesus Christ Superstar!
-Actually, we're not.
-Oh?
-Couldn't get the rights.
-Ah.
-So instead, I've written
an original musical,
from Mary Magdalene's
point of view.
-You have?
-I have!
-Oh.
-I'm on the hunt for some
saxophone-playing centurions.
-Excuse me.
-Yes.
-Were there saxophones
in Jesus' time?
-Yes.
-All right! So who wants
to volunteer to be
part of the show?
It's five weeks of rehearsal
at the college,
every Tuesday
and Thursday night.
-My dad works there!
Don't you want to?
-Okay.
What about you?
-Are you kidding me? It's gay.
And when I say gay,
what I mean is it's for fags!
Watch yourself, Marnold.
-Where the hell is he going?
Ew! Dude, gross.
-Okay. So I'll see you
at 9:30, pick you up.
Oh. Um... I made some spaghetti
for you to eat on the break.
-For me?
-It's for both of you.
-Thanks.
-Give you some energy
to... march around.
-Dad!
-Why me?
Me, why?
Why me?
Me, why?
Come on, Dad,
give me a break
How much shit
am I supposed to take, man?
Come on, Dad,
give me a break
How much shit
am I supposed to take, man?
-Smile, Jesus! Smile!
The poor man's facelift!
-I will.
Judas is wack. Why, Dad?
Cut me some slack!
Why, Dad?
Mary's a drag.
Why, Dad?
Always a nag!
Why, Dad?
Dreams in my head.
Why, Dad?
Showing me dead.
Why, Dad?
Why...
Dad?
-No, no, no, no, no, no! STOP!
Yes. Yes.
Yes. Maybe.
Jesus...
that was beautiful.
Centurions, what the hell?
You! I mean, why aren't you
even in formation
with the rest of them?
-This music is
impossible to march to.
-Actually, it isn't.
We'll do it again.
Just you this time.
-It's in a 5/4 time signature.
-Don't confuse him. All right?
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!
Bah-dum, bah-dum! Right, left!
One, two and three.
Why aren't you moving?
It's a marching band,
not a standing band.
Okay.
No need to laugh.
He's probably doing his best.
What's your name?
-Marnold.
- Marnold is doing his best.
-Gah! Take your musical
and put it in your bum!
- Oh!
-Oh. Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
-Remember this feeling.
Jesus was surrounded
by amateurs too.
Okay!
Moving on!
Isabella, are you out there?
Come on up. All right.
As you know, our lead actress
also had to drop out
at the last second.
No more dropping out!
So... I got us a new star!
Welcome our new
Mary Magdalene, Isabella.
This is your boyfriend, Jesus.
-Hi.
The old one was... older.
-Yeah, I know.
She's a shrimp.
But I think I can block
around the height difference.
-Just... um...
-Let's go from the top
of the ballad
and see what we get, huh?
Please be great.
-I think that's stupid.
I feel bad for the Jesus.
He's gonna be, like,
molesting her or something.
-I don't want to hurt him
I don't to be
Hurt by him
He's just a man
Or is he at all
I can't date him
If he's a god
If he's a god
If he's a god
-Hey! Faggot!
- Ha-ha! I got him!
- Woo-hoo!
-Beat it, nerd!
- If he's a god
I guess I'll be cryin'
While everybody else
Applauds
I just can't date him
If he's a god
- Should we
go talk to her?
-What for?
- I want to go talk to her.
-Hey, Jenn. Hey, Natalie.
-Hey, Carter.
-You're Isabella, right?
-Just Izzy.
-Izzy. You sang good.
-Thanks.
-You're way better
than the last girl they had.
-What happened to her, anyway?
-She broke her leg waterskiing.
-So she can't sing anymore?
-Well, no.
We're lucky to have you.
- Shut up.
-Maybe we should rent a movie.
-Sure.
-When?
-Saturday.
Where?
-What?
We can't go to my place.
-My mom won't mind.
-Okay!
-Sure.
-Sure.
- So...
I'm Carter, p.s.
-Hi, Carter p.s.
-Come on, Carter. Let's go.
-Okay. Thanks, Izzy.
See you Saturday.
-This way.
- I'm Carter, p.s.
-Is Izzy home?
-Oh! Uh...
-This is the best one. I love
this band with all my heart.
-Don't they have a better song?
-No!
-Hey, guys!
-Hey.
-You're late.
-We brought snacks!
- I'm so hungry.
-So what movie did you get?
-Well, we couldn't decide
so we're gonna watch
the Jane Fonda Workout video.
-Uh...
-I'm just kidding. Here.
-Whoa... Your mom
let you rent this?
-She didn't care.
-Can we ask for snacks?
-I like your glasses.
-Thanks, they were
my grandma's.
-Oh... I'm sorry.
-Why?
-Isn't she dead?
-No. She just got new glasses.
- Oh, my God.
-Dude!
-We have to push them both off.
-Are they faded?
-Yeah, I can repaint them.
-Robin, can I get you a chair?
-No. I'm fine.
-Robin, get the lights.
-Or what, Jenn?
You gonna break my nose again?
- Okay, okay.
-That was good.
- They're so creepy!
- Why are they
always hanging around?
-Snacks.
- Over here!
-Ooh!
-Oh!
-Thank you.
- Nobody wants them here.
- Yeah, that's good.
- Out of bounds!
- I don't like scary movies.
- Shh! Just watch it.
- Give me the ball!
Freaks!
- No, Mother.
Please.
- You stay down here!
- Don't lock us
in the basement.
- Evil boy!
Sinful girl!
AH! NO!
- Mother, Mother,
come and play.
-Robin?
- Stay with us or go away.
-Hey!
- Stay together, never stray.
Mother, Mother, all your days.
- Robin?
-Just... please keep watching.
-Hey, what's going on?
-Robin, come to my room.
-Hey, nice bedroom.
-Just give us a moment, please?
-I'm sorry. Okay.
-That's holy water.
From France.
-You've been to France?
-No.
- Food's here!
-Marnold?
-Whoa.
-Oh! Do you all
know each other?
-No. We do not.
-You
Queen of my heart
You could have most anything
You could have most anything
You
The light from the stars
Agony and ecstasy
Entropy and victory
-Well, it's
a small two-bedroom,
but it serves its function.
-You know...
for what you're
probably paying in rent,
you'd be better off owning.
-"Annie Waverley Realty."
-"Come Sale Away!" Heh.
My number's on there.
Call me anytime, Dan.
-Oh.
No one ever really
calls me Dan.
-Hmm! I guess I do now.
- Go! Go!
- Oh!
Looks like someone had
a makeover party!
- None for you?
-I didn't want to.
- Uh...
Thank you for coming over.
-Bye, Izzy.
-Bye, Izzy.
-Uh, bye!
-Yeah, bye!
-Don't!
-I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
-Love me
-I'm busy
-See me
-It's not you, it's me
-So focused on
your career
-Okay
Get over here
Quick
Before I change
My mind
-Hi, Dan.
-Hi.
-How are you enjoying
the show so far?
-Oh. Uh, well, Jesus likes
the sound of his own voice.
-Can I buy you a drink?
-Oh.
All right. Yeah, okay.
Sure. Yes. Thanks.
-Oh... ah!
-Oh.
-So... you're alone, too?
-You mean just tonight?
-Oh!
I'm sorry. I don't mean
to be too forward.
There's an empty seat
next to me if you'd...
like to sit closer
for the second half?
-There's an empty seat
next to me if you'd like to sit
further away?
-HA!
- One!
Two! Tell him what he's won!
Three!
Four!
Thirty-eight!
Thirty-nine!
It's Monday somewhere!
Forty!
Forty-one!
Ninety-six!
Ninety-seven!
It's a livin'! Ninety-eight!
Ninety-nine!
- Oh, my God.
-Love me
-I'm dying
-See me
-It's not you
It's me
-I've got a life, you know
-I've really
Got to go
Now!
-I mean, what even are we?
Boyfriend and girlfriend?
Or what?
Jesus? Answer me!
Oh!
I'll love you
Love you
For all time
-I'm the video
Video star, I'm the video
I'm the video
Video star
I'm the video
All you need
With me
Video star
-Cheers!
-Okay! Okay! What a show, huh?
What a night!
What a life! Yeah!
Let's hear it for
our musical director,
Ms. Pahornyk!
Yeah!
Jesus Christ,
our well-hung Jesus,
how about those curls, girls?
-Is he drunk?
-100%.
-Oh, who cares
what the reviewers think.
They can't do any worse to you
than the Romans! Oh!
Okay. Come on, Conrad.
-Hey, have you guys
seen Carter?
-Yeah. He's right there.
-Um... Come on, Natalie.
Let's go get drinks.
-Mmhm.
-He's not here, super squirrel.
-Do you know where he might be?
-Probably out with
his creepy little girlfriend.
- Shit.
-Hey.
-So...
do you wanna make out?
-Let's do something else.
-Like what?
-I dunno.
These are really good.
Did you draw these?
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let's go see
if we can find some frogs.
-Don't you want to stay
in the rocket ship?
-It's not going anywhere.
- Geologists,
tapping the mineral-rich region
of Northeastern Alberta, Canada,
develop a 10,000-square mile
range of oil sands.
Sands so filled with oil
that engineers predict
a potential yield
of 250 billion barrels.
Dynamiters blasts barely 20 feet
beneath the surface.
- What are you doing home?
- Like mining coal
above the surface, steam...
-Why aren't you out
with your friends?
- ...rich deposit for processing
at a nearby plant.
-I don't know where he is.
- ...steaming hot water
separates the globules...
-You are allowed to have
more than one friend, you know.
- ...of sand. The oil rises
to the top,
the sand goes to the bottom.
300 barrels of oil
from 400 tonnes of sand,
and they've just tapped
the surface.
-What do you think of this one?
-Nice. Subtle.
- Jenn,
how do you say this?
Fuck... fuck... sia?
-Fuchsia, dummy.
-Fuchsia? That's--that's dumb.
-Oh! Ladies! Please don't apply
the product directly
to your face.
-But--
-It's unsanitary.
You put it on your hand,
like this. Hmm?
-Hmm!
-This is the last lime one.
Do you think you have another
in the back maybe?
-Oh? Let me go and check.
It's pretty popular,
we should have it.
-That's so ugly.
-What are you talking about?
-Izzy!
-Come on.
-Izzy, don't!
-It's just a big makeup
company, what do you care?
-It's wrong.
-It's not hurting anyone.
They'll never even notice.
-That's not the point.
-Hey, guys.
-Hi, Robin.
-Am I interrupting something?
-Well--
-Robin, do you think
it's wrong to steal
a $5 lip gloss
from a giant corporation
that owns the whole world?
-Is it a good colour?
-You guys are assholes.
-Oh, come on. I thought you two
were supposed to be so tough.
-We already got caught once
for shoplifting, okay?
-And if we get caught again,
we'll, like, go to prison.
-Who told you that?
-Come on, Natalie.
-This is the lip gloss
in question.
Well, what do you think?
-Very pretty.
-You want to try it?
-Sure.
- No, no, no. Those.
-These?
-Mmhm.
- What?
-Excuse me.
-Yes?
-Do you happen have
another pair of these?
-Hold on. Let me check.
-Okay, now!
-Just your A-boys
We will always be,
we will always be
We will always be
your A-boys
-Nice try, dummies.
-Don't sulk, please.
-It was just a pair
of stupid sunglasses.
-Do you think you have to steal
so people will like you?
-"You're allowed to have
more than one friend, you know."
-Are these the kind of people
you want to be friends with
if they want you
to steal for them?
-Izzy had nothing
to do with it.
-So you're trying
to impress her?
Was she impressed?
Are you impressed
with yourself?
What if they'd
called the police?
I'm trying to be
your friend, here.
But maybe that's a mistake.
-So.
-So.
-Where were you yesterday?
-Hanging out.
-Hanging out?
-Just... hanging out.
With Izzy.
-Just hanging out with Izzy?
-Ow! What the hell?
-Put your fingers
in your mouth.
-What?
-Put your fingers
in your mouth.
Now say something.
-Sausages.
-Say Izzy.
Say Isabella.
-Isabella.
-What are you doing? Gross.
Why are you here?
-I want my fishing magazine!
- It's gone, man.
-Gone?
-I burned it.
What are you two?
-Shut up.
-I'll tell you what you are,
you're a couple of gross freaks!
OW! MY ARM!
AGH! Oh!
-Whoa!
-OW!
-That's so messed up.
I bought these for you.
For my birthday.
-Thanks!
Happy Birthday.
-What's this?
-Nothing.
Carter pinched me.
But it's nothing.
-Are you okay?
-I don't know.
It's easier with you.
It looks like
it's falling on us.
-It is.
-Daniel, hi.
-Annie, hello.
-You look very handsome.
-Thank you. So do you.
-Oh!
Mm! Is that Van Dyke?
-I don't know. Uh, it's all
they had left at the pharmacy.
So.
-So. Heh.
Here we are.
Dan'n'Annie.
- That's right.
Oh.
-There you go.
-Thank you.
- I just...
don't know.
-Can you come up here
and tell me?
-I don't want to climb into
the treehouse, Carter.
-It's not a treehouse.
It's a rocket ship.
I stole us beers from my sister.
Okay, I'll come down.
-No. Stay up there.
I kissed Robin.
-Can't you just come up here?
-I'm sorry.
-So the horse then says,
"Oh, my God. It's talking dog."
-See? You do know a joke.
-Jokes are for people
who aren't funny.
-Mm! I've got one.
What do you call a beaver
on skates?
Yes, please.
-ROBIN!
ROBIN!
-Deep-fried wontons,
green onion cake,
sliced barbequed pork,
egg rolls, and...
a couple cans of cola.
Yeah. Okay.
On hold.
-Your mom lets you
order food on your own?
-Yeah, I do it all the time.
Care for a drink
before dinner?
- Dan'an'Annie!
A-Dan'an'Annie!
Oh!
-Thank you for
the invitation, Annie.
-You're leaving?
-Yeah. It's time
for me to go.
-Your aura just got
all judge-y.
-Take care of yourself,
all right?
Take a cab home.
- Shit.
-She's a cool
Blonde, scheming bitch
She makes my body twitch
Walkin' down the corridor
You can hear
Her stilettos click
I want her so much I feel
Sick
The girl can't help it
She really can't help it now
It's like a high school
A high school confidential
A high school
A high school confidential
Teenage Brandos
Stalk her in hall
-Huh.
You did these.
-They tease her
With catcalls
She's a combination
Anita Eckberg,
Mamie Van Doren
-Carter!
- What are you doing?
-Don't you look at me.
-Carter, what the hell?
-What are you doing?!
-Carter, get down from there!
-Carter! Don't touch that!
-Seriously,
put it down, Carter!
-Carter, it's not funny!
-Carter, STOP IT!
- What was that for?!
-Carter, stop! Get down!
-Carter, what the hell?
- Get off! Get out!
What are you doing? Carter?
-Carter!
Put it down. Carter, stop it!
-Carter, don't!
-CARTER, STOP! STOP IT!
-CARTER!
What are you doing?! Stop!
-Stop it, Carter! Put it down!
- CARTER, GET OUT!
NO, CARTER! JUST STOP!
- STOP!
- Please, don't! GET OUT!
-IZZY! IZZY!
-MOM!
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE?!
You get out of my house!
GET OUT!
- Please!
-I WILL RUIN YOU!
You little piece of--
AGH! Oh!
YOU SHIT!
- Hello?
Hello?
- OVER HERE!
-What's going on?
How can you drink that?
-I'm sorry.
-I don't care.
-I mean before.
We were assholes.
I was.
-And you're not anymore?
-Can I touch your hair?
-Yes.
- Hello, girls.
-Carter--
-Oh no, don't get up.
-Stop it!
-No, please, have a seat.
-What are you doing here?!
-Stop it!
- You want some, Marnold?
So you're cool now,
is that the idea?
-Give it back!
- GET OFF OF HIM! GET OFF!
-Finally! This is
what I've been waiting for.
Fight back!
-Stop it!
-What are you doing?
Stop hitting yourself.
-Stop it! Cut it out!
-I thought you were
gonna fight back.
-FUCK OFF!
What are you?
Holy shit.
Just give it.
- Fight back!
Fight back!
-What's falling apart
Waking up
from a teenage dream
It's the hardest part
To face the truth,
accept defeat, hey!
Hangin' on
by your fingertips
Hangin' on,
but you're tired now
You hold, you got that,
then you let go
Free-falling in slow motion,
oh yeah
Another day was coming
Did you think
it's gonna last forever?
If you did, you'd recall
You'd recall, you'd recall
The wall-to-wall
will disappear
They all moved on
and left you here
Wishing you could be
A kid again
Back then, in a simpler time
It's too late,
the flaw in the design
Yeah!
On the street
when the sun goes down
Angry kids
with nowhere to go
Aluminum machines
and the neon lights
Are just memories
of you and I
An afterthought
that makes us sigh
It all gets
washed away in time
An afterthought
that makes us sigh
It all gets
washed away in time
Everyone you used to know
Now, they've gone
and left you here
Wishing someone
Could take it all away
That was a simpler time
It's too late
The flaw in the design
Yeah!