Bellflower (2011) Movie Script
#Lord #
# We will be hurt #
#But we'll be okay #
#Lord #
#Life will be blessed ##
Okay.
Imagine...
the apocalypse
is just starting, right?
Okay,
I'm imagining it. Okay.
And nobody's ready, right?
'Cause it just happened,
and its all chaos,
and everybody is like,
"What do we do?
Like, the fucking world is ending."
And we roll up
in the most evil-looking,
rumbling, badass,
flame-throwing muscle car.
And one of us gets out...
with a hundred pounds ofbrass
and steel strapped to our back...
and just starts torching everything,
completely surrounded by fire.
Okay?
Who do you think
is going to be in charge?
Mother Medusa?
Motherfucking Medusa.
Dude, I'm really not feeling
like going out again tonight.
That was the worst thing
that could have happened.
I don't know if that's the worst thing
that could've happened.
She could have spit on me
or kicked me in the balls.
That would've been awesome.
We could've got beat up.
Okay, listen.
We're going out again tonight.
I, for real, am starting to feel like girls
don't even like me anymore.
Do you know what I was thinking earlier
when I was looking into your eyes...
when you were holding
that big gun by me?
What?
Dude, you harsh reminded me
of Lord Humungous.
No, I'm serious.
It was awesome.
And I was the Birdman.
It was sweet.
Okay, listen.
We're going out tonight,
and if I even catch you
looking at someone...
I don't care if it's a fucking guy...
you're gonna hit on them.
You're gonna pick them up,
you're gonna take them home,
and I am gonna be right
by your side the whole time.
Like, the whole time.
Okay.
Until the finishing act.
All right.
So we're sure
we don't need that tank?
Yeah.
All right.
You worried about ricochet?
Dude, you're holding a 12-gauge,
double-barrel, sawed-off shotgun.
We're gonna be fine.
All right. Okay.
Wait.
That's settled then.
We're switching to diesel.
Propane is for pussies.
Propane is for pussies.
Come on. It's time to get ready, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention
for a couple moments.
My name is John Huck,
and it is time for the main event.
Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
Take a look
at these nice little...
crickets!
All right. Hey...
Where's my spotlight?
Hello. All right. Thank you.
Now what I need are two dumb-asses
to come up here...
and compete
in a cricket-eating contest...
for this $50 gift certificate
to some shitty restaurant.
Hey, Johnny! What's up?
Is that fucking Milly?
I'll eat some bugs.
What's the big deal?
Okay. Anybody here have what it takes...
to, uh, beat this innocent little girl?
What's up? What is up?
I'll take on that little daddy's girl.
Okay.
Oh, damn. That sounds
like a threat to me, right?
All right, everybody. We
got a match! Yeah!
You're gonna get your ass kicked.
Dude, I think that was the sweetest thing
I've ever seen you do.
I think that was the
stupidest thing I've ever done.
Dude, did you get her
phone number? Fuck you.
Hey, guys.
Oh, my God,
if it isn't the criminal bitch...
who stole all the glory
from my main man.
- Hey, it's what I do.
- What's up? Have a seat.
All right.
Oh. Hey.
Hey.
That was quite the show
you put on up there.
Aw, thank you.
Yeah, it's been, like, 12 hours...
since I've seen a girl put that
much gross shit in her mouth.
Oh, wow.
Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry. Um, I'm Aiden.
Milly.
Just to let you guys know,
that's probably the dumbest fucking thing
I've seen anybody do for $50 in my life.
Oh, you think that's dumb?
You guys should've been here last week.
What? We were here
last week! You were here?
Yeah. When the creepy old guy
came out of the crowd.
No shit! What was wrong with that guy?
So you were actually gonna
let them set you on fire?
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
- They did set me on fire.
- What?
- Yes!
- We stayed after hours.
And I missed it?
Yup.
Oh, my God. That was
all I wanted that night...
was to fucking see that shit.
Looks like you made some friends. Yeah!
Watch out for these boys.
They're bad news.
Oh, they have to
watch out for us.
Okay. We're gonna need...
three pitchers of beer
and a round of shots.
Oh, my God. No.
What?
Okay. Make it whiskey.
Wait. Right? Right?
Joe!
Two shots of whiskey each.
And do you have a deck
of playing cards?
You know, it's illegal
for me to give you cards in here.
Actually, I did know that. Good.
Hey, there, buddy.
Hey.
Did you think you could just
sneak away and I wouldn't notice?
I wasn't sneaking away.
I was just getting you your drink.
Really?
Yes.
But I'm very bad
at getting bartenders' attention.
That's okay. We can do
it together. Okay. Cool.
So your friend...
He's a little bit of a bastard.
What, Aiden?
Ah! Ohh! Go!
Mmm. No. He's just crazy.
Once you get to know him, he's, like,
the sweetest dude you'll ever know.
I'm sure. Hey. I was wondering
when you were gonna come see me.
Sorry. Been busy. How you doing?
Good. You know,
just the usual. Yeah, I hear you.
So what can I get for you?
Um,
I'm gonna get two beers
and two shots of whiskey.
That's perfect.
Nice.
So your name's Woodrow?
Yes.
Milly.
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
So that was awesome, right?
What?
The contest.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We put on this
whole little show.
You called me a daddy's girl. Yeah.
I was like,
"Ooh, who is this guy?"
And then I couldn't even eat
a single grasshopper.
Oh, you were right.
Uh, maybe.
So who are you? Where are
you from? What do you do?
Uh, wow. Okay.
Um, I live around here,
but I'm from Wisconsin originally.
And I spend...
Oh, my God.
What?
Sorry. Um, your shoes.
Oh, yeah. I need to get new ones.
They're pretty bad.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What do you do?
Oh, um, I'm building a flamethrower.
You're building a flamethrower? Yes.
Fuck you.
No, I really am.
And I'm really excited about it.
That is probably the weirdest
thing I have ever heard.
I like you.
I like you too.
Okay, drink a pitcher.
I'm drunk. I can't.
Okay. I'll make you a deal.
Will you go home with me
if I drink this entire pitcher?
No.
Okay. It's a deal then.
Oh, my God. Ew.
No.
Ohh!
Oh, my God.
Ahhh!
Hey!
Are you guys doing okay over there?
I think he's coming over here.
Shit.
Okay. You put
this between your boobs.
Wait. No, no, no.
And you put this
in your mouth.
Don't be a pussy.
So?
So?
Um, it was really, really awesome
meeting you tonight.
You too.
Can I take you out sometime?
Of course.
Okay. Can I take you
out to dinner tomorrow?
Yes.
Okay. Cool.
Do you want my number?
Yes, I do.
That's what I need is your number.
Okay. Okay. Oh.
What up, dog?
Hey. What's up?
Hmm, hmm, hmm!
How you doing?
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Where did you go?
Oh, wait. What,
is this Saturday already?
Yes. What'd they have you do tonight?
Swallow flaming swords
and shit? Oh, God.
What?
No.
They had me eating crickets. Live.
That's disgusting, Milly.
I know.
Seriously, that's gross.
I mean, it's a good way
to get sick too.
Actually,
I met this really cool guy
tonight.
Yeah?
He was going against me
in the contest,
and I totally schooled him.
Well, I am going to sleep.
Okay.
Good night.
Night.
#Havin'troubles tellin'how I feel #
#But I can dance, dance, dance #
#Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean #
#But I can dance, dance, dance #
Ah.
#So when I trip on my feet #
#Look at the beat #
#It was all written in the sand #
# When I'm shaking my hips,
look for the swing #
#It was all written in the air #
#Oh, dance #
#I was a dancer all along #
#Dance, dance, dance #
# Words can never make up
for what you do #
#Easy conversations... ##
#... Make up for what you do ##
Hey, Mr. Dancy Feet, you wanna
come and hold this for a second?
Yeah.
That girl last night?
Yeah?
Was fucking crazy, right?
I know, dude.
She kicked your ass
at eating grasshoppers.
That's it.
I can't believe
it's finally finished.
I can't believe it's finally
finished, and we can't test it...
till we have one stupid-ass
piece. Oh, I know. I know.
Carlos said we'd get the piece
tomorrow for sure, so...
Oh. Better be.
What's up?
Huh?
Nothing, dude. What's up?
Dude, I cannot believe you ate
grasshoppers to pick up a girl.
No. I know.
That was retarded.
No. That's, like, something I would do.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Oh, fuck, dude.
You should bone her.
Yeah.
You get her phone number?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, no. Actually,
I'm going on a date tonight.
Cool. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Oh, I'm going over to Elliot's,
- so if you finish with your little datey thing, you could stop by later.
- Okay.
Unless it goes super well.
I guess I might not see you
till the morning.
- I wonder.
- And then we could test this bad boy.
Yeah. Sweet.
Mike, have you
seen my ChapStick? Get up.
Aha!
- See? Ha, ha.
- Wow.
What are you doing?
Getting ready.
Getting ready for what?
I have a date with that guy
I told you about last night.
Did you drop off
the rent check yet?
Um, no. I forgot.
Come on, Milly.
It's a week late already.
Oh, come on.
It doesn't matter.
The landlord has a crush
on me anyways.
That's him. Can you get it?
Mike?
Thank you.
Hey, is, uh, Milly here?
Who are you?
Woodrow.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, there, buddy.
Bye.
So where do you want
to go eat?
Well, I was thinking, 'cause
it's our first time hanging out,
I should take you
somewhere nice.
Uh, yeah. Fuck that.
What?
I want you to take me
to the cheapest, nastiest,
scariest place
that you know of.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
If I don't get sick,
I'm gonna be pissed off.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. You know what? I think
I know somewhere we could go.
All right. Where is it?
Um,
it's, like,
halfway across the country.
What? Where?
Texas.
Uh, me and Aiden
stopped there on a road trip.
Like, we didn't go in,
but it was, like, really scary.
All right. Let's go.
Shut up.
No.
What? You wouldn't actually drive all
the way to Texas with me right now?
I would. You wouldn't.
I am not scared.
I will absolutely go.
I am not scared either. I will go.
Fine.
All right. It's on.
Okay.
Okay. Let's go.
All right.
Are those for me?
Oh!
Yes. Here. These are for you.
Thank you. That's cute.
You're welcome.
Oh, um, this is for you.
Oh. What? What is this?
Just open it.
A whole box.
I felt really bad the other night
when I was making fun of your shoes...
Oh, yeah.
...So I got you some more.
That's really nice of you.
Oh, my God.
I know it's psycho getting you a present
on the first date, but...
Date, huh?
Shut up. Put them on.
Yes.
Why'd you come here?
Um 'cause California is the place
to go when you're from Wisconsin.
Totally.
So what is all this?
Aha.
Okay. Take one of
those Dixie cups. Okay.
And then put it
underneath the spout.
Okay.
And turn on the passenger seat
heat to pressurize the system.
Okay. And then it just works
by pressing the button.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
Does it look weird? It's
whiskey. No. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Is it awesome?
Is it safe?
It's totally safe.
Aaah!
Dude, it's like...
It's like a James Bond car
for drunks.
So, you, like, built this?
Yes. Yes.
Okay.
It's, like, a hobby, I guess.
Okay. So tell me
about the flamethrower then.
Ah, the flamethrower.
So when me and Aiden
were kids in Wisconsin,
we saw Mad Max on TV.
Yep.
We recorded it
on a V.H.S. Tape...
and watched it,
like, a hundred times.
Totally.
And then our minds got warped,
and we decided that we
absolutely had to have...
our own flamethrower...
and, like, a Mad Max muscle car
that shoots flames out...
and has an engine sticking out
of the hood and is really scary.
And... Thank you.
And then, if and when the
apocalypse happens... Right.
We're set up to rule
over the wasteland...
with our gang Mother Medusa.
You know Mad Max, right?
Yes, I know Mad Max.
Come on.
Okay. Sorry.
I think I usually tell it better...
so I seem cool.
No. That was perfect
to make you seem really cool.
Okay, good.
I expect to become
an honorary member someday.
We could probably
work something out.
A Medusa, if you will.
Yes.
Yeah?
Yeah, we'll see.
Nice.
Oh.
For you.
Awesome.
And for me.
Woodrow?
#If you grew up with white boys #
# Who only look
at black and Puerto Rican porno #
# 'Cause they want something
that their dad don't got #
# Then you know where you're at #
#Mortaring your ear holes shut
in a rush with wet coke #
#In a Starbucks bathroom
with the door closed #
#On booze,
I'm left in residue and confused #
#Like the first time
you used soft water down... ##
Oh, shit.
I need a shot
to deal with this.
Here's a little one for you.
Uh... Oh, my God!
This is huge.
Cheers.
Well?
Check this out.
I'm scared.
That's good. You've done your job.
Do you see this?
What, the railroad special?
Yeah. Served all night.
And day-old meat loaf.
That's not half bad at
all. Well, well, well.
Look who got dipped
in the pretty sauce.
Did he just grab your ass?
Yes. That's fine.
Wait. Hold on a second.
No.
Hey, buddy,
you gonna apologize
to her for that?
- Why don't you take it easy, buddy?
- Dude...
Hey, I don't think
you're listening to me.
I'm dead serious
when I'm telling you right now,
I will beat the living
fucking shit out of you...
if you don't apologize
to her right now.
Woodrow, let's go, seriously.
Holy shit.
I was the one
that was supposed to get sick.
Yeah.
That didn't go as well
as I thought it would.
Mmm.
Okay.
Are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
Mmm. Where did you learn
to fight like that, mister?
Fuck you.
Whatever, dude.
Fucking badass.
Oh, hey. What's up, Courtney?
Hi, Mike.
Come on in.
Thanks.
What ya doing?
Uh, just having some people
over little later,
so I'm cooking.
Cool.
Fun.
Yeah.
So, have you
seen Milly lately?
No.
Do you know where she is
by any chance?
Yeah. She ran off
with some dude.
Woodrow?
Yeah, Woodrow. That guy.
She, uh, left a message
on the machine yesterday.
What did she say?
She's in Texas or some shit.
God knows.
I hope she gets back in time.
You guys can still come over and party
even if she's not back yet.
I still live here too.
Speaking of which, I paid her rent again.
Tsk.
Um...
What are you making?
Smokies.
Smokies?
Yeah. Smokies.
They're really good.
They're just, like,
little tiny wieners?
Yes.
Really?
Little hot dogs. That's what you
chose to make for your friends...
little wieners.
Yeah.
That's an interesting choice.
And I really like this
apron too. Thank you. Okay.
It really brings out
your eye color. Bye.
A nice teal. Get outta
here. I will see you...
Hey, maybe you can make
those Smokies for my birthday.
Maybe I will. Maybe I
should try one just to...
No, don't touch.
If you leave, I'll make them for you.
Really?
I promise. But go.
Come on, Layla. Let's go.
#Doodily-do #
#When I doodily-do #
#And I... #
# I doodily-do
when I doodle my doodle #
#All us diddle when I
get pushed up the middle #
Miss Thing!
How's your face feel?
Hmm?
Oh, it's not bad.
Your eye is really swollen.
It's not that swollen.
You're crazy.
Mmm. Does it look cool?
What, you acting crazy?
No, my eye.
Yeah, it's pretty tough.
Okay.
This is nice.
Why do you keep saying that?
I don't know. 'Cause it is.
You're so cute.
Mmm. Thank you.
You're pretty cute too.
Mmm.
Mmm.
This is nice though.
Mmm.
Do you have a boyfriend?
What?
I don't know.
Do you think that I would be on this
trip with you if I had a boyfriend?
I don't know.
I mean, I hope not,
I guess.
I don't have a boyfriend, silly.
Okay.
Sorry.
I think you might be
my girlfriend someday, yeah?
Um, is that your way of asking
me to be your girlfriend?
Um, I don't know. Maybe.
You don't want me
to be your girlfriend.
I think I might, actually.
No, you don't.
Why not?
Because.
Because why?
Things will go bad.
How do you know?
Because that's
always what happens.
I'll hurt you,
and I won't be able to help it.
Oh, how do you know
I won't end up hurting you?
I doubt it.
I'm pretty tough,
you know?
I know, I know.
You're not
gonna hurt me.
Okay.
Hello.
Hi.
Can I get a pack of aspirin,
please?
Aspirin. Yes.
Oh, excuse me. I'm walking.
Oh, actually,
can I get the yellow one?
Yellow. Oh, excuse me. I'm
walking. Sorry. Excuse me.
Aiden, can you quit
harassing my customers, please?
Aiden! You asshole.
My God, I thought you were
some crazy weirdo.
I am some weirdo.
What are you doing here?
I just live around
the corner. Oh. Sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So have you heard
from Woodrow or Milly?
Yeah, I did, actually.
Apparently they went to Texas.
Texas? Really?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Weird.
They're not gonna get back
till Wednesday.
Wednesday. Sweet.
Yeah.
Except I'm, like, really bored
without Milly around.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Then you called,
but then you were
just looking for Milly, so...
Hey, come on. I was looking
for Woodrow, seriously.
No, I mean, it was weird.
I did ask for your number.
I wasn't sure if I should call.
Well, I gave you my number.
I know, I know, I know.
But then I woke up the next
morning, and I was like, "Oh, my God.
"Last night, I was so drunk,
she probably just gave me her phone
number 'cause she felt sorry for mel '
No, no. I don't have problems
saying no to drunk guys.
No, I didn't say that.
It's just I'm so fucking hot.
You're such a dork.
Um, this is my place.
Awesome.
Well, um, I don't know...
if Woodrow and Milly
are gonna be back yet,
but on Wednesday night...
it's my birthday,
so I'm gonna have a party
at Milly's house.
Sweet. Since you live right
here, if you wanna go...
No. I totally wanna go.
I love birthday parties.
Okay. Cool.
Okay.
So, Wednesday night.
Okay. Cool.
Okay. So I'll see you.
Okay. Okay, that's cute.
Okay. All right. Sweet.
Well, uh, have a good day,
and I'll see you...
for your super radical
birthday party Wednesday night.
We'll get trashed.
Okay.
We'll trash-talk each other.
Bye.
Okay. Bye.
Woodrow, you have to come see this.
What? What is it?
Just come see.
What is it?
Just come see!
Okay. Ahh!
You're gonna make me mad!
Oh, my God!
Dude, right?
This is a really, really...
beat-up old motorcycle.
It's fucking homemade.
I know.
You know what else it is?
Awesome?
Yes, awesome. And?
Old?
Dude, look at it. And?
And apocalypse Road Warrior
motorcycle awesomeness!
Totally! Let's buy it.
Oh, my God, it is.
How are we gonna get it back? There's
no way we're gonna fit that in the car.
Yeah, you're right.
But perhaps we could
trade the car for it.
You can't trade your car.
Yes, I can.
Who cares?
It's not worth anything.
Let's do it. Dude!
Let's fucking do it.
All right.
Have a great day.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Later! Bye! Bye!
#I know you know my heart #
#I've seen you know #
#I know you know my heart #
# You're blind,
and you're deaf too #
#Aren't you #
# You're blind,
and you're deaf too #
#Aren't you #
#Aren't you #
#Aren't you #
# There's people that we know #
# There's places #
# There's seldom things
we must replace #
# There's hollowness
and there's Sundays #
#And there's hope
every weekend we make it #
# We find truth
in all of our losses #
#And we build from where
we cannot possibly bear #
# To see ##
Aiden.
Hey.
Hey.
You're here early.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Open it.
Oh, okay.
It's a fruitcake.
It's awesome.
I figured if I got you fruitcake
for your birthday,
I could get you a real present at Christmas
when we know each other really well.
Come in.
Okay.
Ohh!
Oh.
Mmm.
Is this good-bye?
Mmm, yeah.
Mmm?
Mmm.
I had a really good time
hanging out with you.
Me too.
What?
Nothing.
Did you just kiss me?
Yeah.
Took you long enough.
Mmm.
I was waiting
for the right time.
Oh.
There's a bunch of people
in your house.
I know. It's Courtney's birthday.
I totally forgot until just now.
Oh.
You wanna come in?
Oh, I'm so tired.
Come on. Come in.
We should get totally wasted.
Okay. All right.
But I have to call Aiden.
All right. Because he's
probably worried sick about me.
Aw.
Okay.
#It stumbled out lost #
#And without a pause,
unstung as I was #
#Still, I stomped it #
#I thought there was
no paved street worthy #
#Of your perfect
Scandinavian feet #
# While my crooked Chinese
fingers groped #
# The machinery of your throat #
What's up?
#And now these few presidents #
#Frowning in my pocket #
Ah.
#Can persuade no god #
# To let me let you talk #
#Oh, these few presidents #
#Drowning in my pocket #
#Can persuade no god #
# To let me let you off #
What the hell? Woodrow!
I missed you! Where were you? Aiden!
What the hell
are you doing here?
So you two actually drove
all the way to Texas?
Yeah.
You didn't go to that
restaurant, did you? I did.
You prick!
We were supposed to go there.
I know. I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Did you actually eat there?
Yeah.
I had meat loaf.
It was good.
And you're okay?
Mm. Mm-mm.
I had diarrhea, but it's better now.
Cool. Are you fucking serious?
Oh, my God, perv!
Did you fucking just grab my fucking ass?
Relax, okay? Oh, you
telling me to relax, huh?
Oh, my God.
Shut the fuck up,
fucking faggot!
Go suck some fucking dick!
Wow. That girl is feisty!
Man.
Hey, Mike, looks like
you made a friend up there, huh?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever.
Fucking bitch. My house!
I think that girl
has a crush on me.
I should probably go say hi.
I think you should too.
Definitely.
Oh, yeah?
What will you give me if I do?
I will give you a dollar.
I will give you a dollar too.
I also will give you a dollar.
However, I don't think
it's a good idea.
Wow. Three dollars.
Do you guys know what
I could buy for three dollars?
Oh, my God.
I better go over there.
What are you gonna say?
I think I got
the perfect thing, actually.
I'm just gonna need
to get ready first.
Hey, I saw you looking
at me from across the room,
and I was looking at your jeans,
and I could tell you're packing...
a tight little pussy in there,
and I wanted to put it
in my mouth.
What the fuck's
your fucking problem, man?
You talk to chicks like that
all the time, or what?
Hell, no, dude.
What, are you crazy, man?
Fuck you!
Ow. Oh.
Now what, motherfucker?
Now what?
Woodrow! Woodrow!
Fuck! Oh!
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Dude, come on!
Dude, fuck that guy!
Fuck that girl, dude!
I hope that fucking girl...
takes that guy home
and gives him fucking Al DS.
Or at least a fucking blow job.
Hey, you guys!
Where are you going?
To hell! And heaven!
Where you going?
Nowhere.
Aiden...
Aiden, let's go!
Don't be getting fresh with my girl!
You guys stop getting fresh!
Come on!
Ohh.
You know her friends
are a bunch of tools, right?
Seriously.
Shut up, Mike.
They're my friends too.
I don't get it.
What don't you get?
Mike, what don't you get?
# Get back in the game #
# Get back in the game #
# Don't you want rent
free from shame #
Happy birthday, sweetie.
# Never meant
to cause you pain ##
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
Hey, buddy.
Mmm, hey.
Mmm.
Feeling chipper today?
Mm-hmm.
I'm surprised.
You just, like, passed out...
after beating the crap
outta some dude.
Mmm, that's right.
Oh, my God.
My fucking head hurts so bad.
Hey.
Wait. Wait.
What?
Don't get off yet.
I already did.
I'm sorry. Is that gross?
Can you always do that?
I don't know.
It never happened before.
Wait. Here. Move like this.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey.
Hey.
That was really nice.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it was. Mm-hmm.
I don't think I ever
had sex that good before.
Shut up.
No.
Shut up.
It probably wasn't any good for you.
It probably would help
if my fingers were in your butt.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God. Good morning, Aiden.
Wow. You guys
are really close.
We can switch spots if you want.
No, no, no.
Just pretend I'm not here.
I'm gonna make breakfast.
Such a gentleman.
A fine gentleman.
Hey, there, buddy.
Hey.
Mmm. Mmm.
I had, like, a really, really
good time hanging out with you.
Me too.
I'm gonna go. I smell.
Okay.
I'll call you later.
Okay.
Hey, buddy. Hey!
I'll see you later.
Later!
You want butter
on your toast?
Yeah. Thanks.
No problem.
So, what did you guys do?
What happened?
Oh, crap, dude.
All kinds of stuff.
Yeah? Well, I wanna hear
some fucking stories.
Okay. Um...
Oh, shit! I got a fucking motorcycle.
What? Really?
Yeah.
Sweet. Where is it? I'm pretty sure
it's still sitting over at Milly's house.
Aw, dude, that sucks.
I wanna see it.
I know.
It's fucking sweet, dude.
I actually didn't buy it.
What, did you steal it?
No. I traded my car for it.
What? Dude, you traded Speed
Biscuit for a motorcycle?
Yeah.
An apocalypse motorcycle.
Dude, that is
so fucking awesome.
All right.
Beer and bacon,
beer and bacon.
Here you go.
Oh, wow. Thanks.
Yeah.
Do you know what
this means, dude?
Two for three.
Two for three, dude.
You finished the flamethrower.
I finished the flamethrower.
You fucking asshole.
You fucking asshole. Eat your
breakfast. We're gonna go test it.
We had to refill the liquor
reservoir on the Biscuit, like, three times.
Really?
Yeah.
Awesome.
So, basically, while you were
away, you turned into a, uh,
drunken, criminal brawler,
basically.
Yeah.
Dude, that's awesome.
How about
this little guy?
Oh, nice. Oh.
Sweet.
I should've called or something
while I was gone, huh?
Dude, don't even worry about it. I'm
not your mom, I'm your best friend.
Okay. Good.
Cool.
Now let's get that fucking
Medusa on your back.
I'm so psyched to test this.
Okay!
Ready?
The pilot is lit.
There we go.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Here we go.
Wait. What if it
blows up or something?
Then we're gonna be on fire.
Okay.
Do we have safety stuff?
Oh, dude. I totally forgot.
Here you go, commander.
Oh, perfect.
I feel much better now.
All right.
Here it goes.
Holy crap!
Mother Medusa!
Mother Medusa!
#Give her a dollar #
#For every word I spoke today #
#Have at least
a couple dollars to my name #
# Was amazing
the way drunk I get #
#Shake the embers from
my hands and my brain #
#Do I love you enough #
# To get me through another day #
#Do I love you enough #
# To pretend I'm okay #
#If I had a million people
laughin'at us ##
Did you cut your hair again?
Babes, I'm freaking out.
What? What? I don't like my facial hair.
It looks good.
Does it?
Yes. It's fine.
I feel stupid.
No.
Just leave it.
Okay. Oh.
I can't find my belt.
It's fucking trashed in here.
What is all this nonsense?
What is this?
It's a jewelry box.
But where
did it come from?
My mom gave it to me.
And it's here?
L... I don't know.
I don't know why it's here.
All right. Well.
When are you coming back?
Um, tomorrow night.
You have to leave right now?
Yeah.
So we have
the whole day tomorrow.
Okay.
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Oh, what's this?
Mmm.
Do you know what you're
gonna do tonight?
No. I don't know.
Do you think that
you're gonna go out?
Maybe.
Are you gonna come home?
Yes.
Will you call me
before you go to bed?
Yes.
Okay.
Who called?
Courtney.
What?
I'm sorry. I'm gonna get going.
All right.
Okay.
I love you.
Hey, dude.
I thought you disappeared.
Hey.
You want a beer?
Thanks.
What's up?
Nothing.
Just been sitting here
working on a drawing...
when I realized I hadn't
even left the house in a week.
I told Milly I wasn't coming back
until tomorrow.
I bet that went over really well.
Fuck.
You wanna start
looking for the car?
No. Fuck the car.
Dude, fuck the gang.
Fuck everything right now.
Fuck!
I'm going to bed, dude.
Babe! Fuck!
What? What?
Get off! Get off!
Babe!
Oh, fuck!
Goddamn!
Fucking Woodrow.
Get your clothes on.
Babe...
Why are you doing this?
Babe, you weren't supposed
to be here.
Fuck that! I left a fucking
message on the machine!
I didn't get it!
You're always fucking here!
I didn't get it!
Fuck! Babe!
Fuck this shit.
Why are you
fucking doing this?
What are you talking about?
What the fuck are you still
doing here? Get the fuck out.
Mike...
Milly, come on. Let's go.
Dude, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Get the fuck out of my house.
I'm not gonna leave her like
this with you. Calm the fuck down.
Milly, will you tell him
to get the fuck out of the house?
Milly, let's go.
Whoa! Ho!
Fuck! Babe...
Fuck this, dude.
I'm not fucking fighting.
I'm not fucking doing... Mike!
Fuck!
Mike!
Stop it! Stop!
Woodrow.
Fuck!
Stop it!
Fuck this.
All right.
Wanna go in there with me?
I think if I go in there,
I'm gonna kill both of them.
Okay.
I'll only be a minute.
Hello?
Hey.
Hey.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Go ahead.
Hello?
Okay. Yeah. I'll be right there.
Today has been too fucking weird, man.
Dude, the last couple days
have been too fucking weird.
I was reading...
They gave me this stack of papers,
uh, that I had to sign,
and there was all this stuff about
what they did to me while I was here.
Yeah?
And my brain is swollen,
so I might die in my sleep
or something, apparently.
Holy shit.
This car is fucking crazy.
I know.
Wait. I'm confused.
Well, I knew you needed a car, so...
figured I get you a tank
and then I wouldn't have to worry about you.
Holy shit, dude.
This could be the car.
Dude, this is gonna be the car.
Ohh.
Fucking thing
doesn't do anything anyways.
This place is
a fucking mess, dude.
Can you fix my bed?
Oh, yeah. No. Totally.
I'm coming to take your car...
and destroy you
and take your life.
Hello?
Hey.
It's Courtney.
Woodrow.
How's it going?
Good.
Where did you come from?
Just from my house.
There's, um, some people
over there, drinking. Oh.
But I wanted to come over here
and see how you were doing.
Oh, yeah. Aw.
Do you want to come in?
Yeah.
Um, sorry it's a mess in here.
That's okay.
Hope it doesn't gross you out.
No.
I brought beer.
Oh.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Sure.
Here.
Oh.
You got it?
I got it.
Okay.
To what, I don't know.
Mmm.
Um,
you know, I just wanted to...
I just wanted to tell you
that I feel really shitty...
about the whole Milly thing.
Can you do me a favor?
Yeah.
Will you give me a hug?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Of course.
It's stupid.
No, that's not stupid.
Come here. Mmm.
So you've been hanging out
with Aiden?
Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit.
I mean, he's been
pretty messed up, you know?
About everything.
Yeah?
You know, since...
That feels good.
Yeah?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
What?
Um, I don't know...
I don't know if we should do this.
Why not?
I don't know.
Oh, my God.
All right! Rise and shine, sweetheart!
Time to get up.
No time for depressed, brain-damaged,
sweet dudes to be lying around.
Come on.
We've got a big day.
You asshole.
Mmm. Ahh!
Ah. All right.
Okay. It's gonna be easy.
I got a bunch of projects for us.
Notice. Got back from the
muffler place this morning,
where they installed those amazing
new post-apocalypse exhaust pipes.
Oh, wow.
And, dude,
I found this place online
that sells smoke screen.
I got an explosion-proof gas tank,
high-pressure hydraulic pump...
that's gonna inject fuel
into the exhaust pipes,
creating huge flames
to burn our enemies.
Holy shit. You've been busy.
You might notice a new paint job.
Don't worry.
It's not done yet. It's
gonna look good. Oh, my God.
Oh! And this turbocharger
blower kit for the hood...
with sweet belts
and pulleys and shit, but...
it's on special order,
so we might not see it for a while.
Wow. That's, um...
That's a lot of stuff.
I know. I've had a lot of time
on my hands, dude.
What do you want to start with?
Um,
I think we should do the flames.
That's what I was thinking.
Uh-oh.
Is there a gun
in your purse?
Yeah.
Is it real?
Mm-hmm.
Can I see it?
Okay. Sure.
This is a really big gun.
Mmm. Yeah.
Seriously, though, please don't...
So if I pulled the trigger...
Wait. If I pulled the trigger
right now, it would go off?
Yes.
And I would be dead?
You would shoot yourself
in the head and be dead.
Okay... My face feels like
it's tingling right now.
Woodrow... Okay. That's...
Sorry.
It was pretty messed up
when you were in the hospital, man.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty weird.
You were pretty messed up,
mumbling all sorts of weird crap.
Was it awesome?
No, dude, it wasn't awesome.
It was actually terrible.
We were all sitting around,
super awkward.
No one knew what to say.
Then, like,
everyone just started
fucking crying, man.
It was pretty weird.
Dude, can you hand me
that screwdriver?
It's okay. I got it.
You all right?
Huh?
Drinks? Oh, hello.
Um, yes. We would like a bottle...
of the "Claw du Bwahl '
Excuse me?
Um, bottle of"Clothes du Boys"?
You mean Clos du Bois?
Yes! Clos du Bois.
That's what it is.
That's the one.
It is a French wine,
and it is the cheapest on the list.
Okay. That's the one I want.
Okay.
You sure you wanna
eat here? Yeah.
I don't no. It just seems like...
it's really expensive and stuffy.
Oh, wait.
We have to, though,
because I got you a present.
You got me a present?
Yes.
Oh, my gosh! Dude.
Aiden said
that you were supercool,
so it was okay
if you joined the gang.
- Where did you find it?
- I had it made.
You had it made?
I love it. It's awesome.
Dude, seriously?
You know what?
I am in a gang now.
I do not need this pretentious,
bullshit restaurant.
Do you?
Fucking, fuck!
Fuck, no, you don't!
I'll fuck a bitch!
Goddamn!
"She could hold herselfback no longer.
She rides loose
like an untamed beast."
Oh, my...
No!
Mmm.
This is nice.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
What?
I wanna know what happened
to Samantha.
She has sex.
"Stephan removes his shaft
from her quivering labia"...
Wait a minute.
It doesn't really say that.
Yes. "Samantha gasped
with desire.
"Stephan makes her
beg for it.
"He's not gonna let her
get off that easy.
"He slams his gigantic
flesh-rod deep into her...
and keeps slamming her over and
over and over again until she"...
Oh, God.
Oh, Milly. Goddamn.
Woodrow?
Holy shit.
Everything's fucked up.
I have fucking brain damage.
You don't have
fucking brain damage.
Yeah, I fucking do.
You don't.
Fucking shitty fucking scars
all over my fucking body.
No, it's okay.
And my fucking heart's broken.
I'm fucking pissed, and I don't
even know who to fucking blame.
It's all right.
Hey.
Milly wants her shit, dude.
What the fuck are you thinking
coming over here?
If you want something from us,
you send us a fucking letter!
I'm gonna let you go,
but if you come back here,
I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you.
Okay. I'm putting
all her shit in a box...
so you don't have to
stare at it anymore.
And then when you're feeling well enough,
we're gonna burn it.
Did you get out at all today?
No.
Milly, what the fuck
is going on? Shut up.
Who did...
What the hell happened?
Who did this?
Woodrow?
Yeah?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Never mind.
Woodrow?
What? I wanna know.
Do you think
you're getting over Milly?
What the fuck am I doing?
Oh, Courtney...
This is so stupid.
Courtney, wait.
I love you.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Sticking Courtney, huh, dude?
Yeah, I bet that's making you
feel better, huh?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Tsk. I'm sorry, dude.
It's all right.
I think I just said the stupidest thing
I've ever said in my life.
I finished the car.
Really?
Yeah. I think we should go for a drive, get
out of this filthy apartment for a while.
Probably be good.
Okay.
I have no idea
what I'm doing with her, man.
Hey, don't worry about it,
you know?
You're doing
what you have to do.
You know I had a crush on her,
though, right?
Open the fucking door.
Leave me alone. Are you
gonna do something about this shit,
or am I going to?
Take care of it yourself.
Oh, you want me
to fucking take care of it?
Open the door.
Open the door.
Open the door, or I'm gonna do
something bad, I swear to God.
You gonna be all right, dude?
Yeah, I think I am, actually.
I'm serious about leaving,
you know?
Think about it.
We could leave in the morning.
Just get the fuck outta here.
Almost forgot.
I guess these are yours.
You sure?
Yeah, dude. It's your car.
You know, the car
is fucking supercool.
I know.
All right. I'll see you later, dude.
Hey! Hey, no!
What the fuck are you...
What are you doing?
Stop it! Stop it!
Mike.
Mike, this is done.
Give me the bat. Go home.
Hey! It's 3:00
in the goddamn morning!
I called the cops.
Aiden.
Come over here.
Aw, fuck.
Good afternoon.
Are you Milly by any chance?
Yeah.
Um, I have some bad news
that I need to give to you.
Oh, my God.
This is fucking stupid.
Where are you going?
- I'm leaving!
- Woodrow, what are you talking about?
Where are you going? I don't
know. I'm just fucking leav...
- Fuck!
- What about Aiden?
Are you fucking kidding me?
"What about Aiden?"
When's the last time
you fucking saw Aiden?
Aiden's not here.
Fucking idiot.
Okay. I don't understand. What
are you so angry about right now?
What are you fucking doing here?
What?
What are you doing in my house?
You're Milly's best friend.
Fuck you! You're an asshole!
Oh, and you're not an asshole?
I knew exactly what
you were doing, Woodrow.
I just thought that maybe
you actually liked me,
'cause I'm so fucking stupid.
I think you should go home.
I need to be alone.
I'm gonna go buy some socks
and some other crap.
In the morning,
I'm getting in my car and going.
Give me the bug spray.
Fuck it. I'm going. I'm going.
What the fuck?
Woodrow asked me
to move away with him.
What?
Hey.
You need to leave.
Now.
What about rent?
I'm sorry. Put an ad
in the paper. Fuck you.
You can't just disappear. You
need to get out of my way now.
If you don't hurry, he's gonna leave
without... Fuck you, Courtney! Aaah!
Woodrow.
Woodrow?
I promise I will
do anything you want.
Give him a fucking mustache.
He hates mustaches.
Have you seen Woodrow?
Have you?
You piece of shit.
Fuck you. You're supposed
to be my best friend.
We don't even fucking talk anymore,
you piece of fucking shit!
Get the fuck outta my house!
No!
Not until you get on your knees and tell
me that you're a piece of filthy shit.
What the fuck are you...
Let me the fuck up,
you fucking bitch!
Don't fucking follow me!
I will stab you in the fucking throat,
I swear to God,
if you don't get the fuck
out of my house.
I will fucking cut you!
Get the fuck out of my house!
Fuck you!
Ohh!
Did you do this to me?
I don't know! I don't know!
Why did you do this to me?
I'm sorry! I don't know!
What do you want me
to fucking do?
I don't care.
You see my fucking face?
I'm sorry!
What do you want me to do?
I can do some really
fucking sick shit!
I've been fucking thinking
about it all morning!
I know, I know!
I don't care! Just do it!
I don't care!
I don't care!
I don't care!
I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Ow!
Woodrow?
No, no, no, no. No!
Woodrow, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Wait! Wait!
Woodrow!
Woodrow!
#Could you wait
for answers, please #
#It's not really you here #
#In the darkest hour #
#It's what you say you are #
#And the way you make me feel #
#How did you get black #
#How did my soul turn so black ##
I'm sorry, dude.
It's all right.
I think I just said the stupidest
thing I've ever said in my life.
I finished the car.
Really?
Yeah. I think we should
go for a drive,
get out of this filthy apartment
for a while.
Probably be good.
Okay.
Dude, you should hit this.
No. I'll freak
out. You know. You've seen me.
You're not gonna freak out.
It's just you and me.
We're not gonna
have to talk to anyone else.
All right. Give it here.
Oh, Jesus.
Ah, nice, dude.
Ah.
I've been thinking.
We pretty much moved all the
way out here for no reason...
except for that we thought
it would be cool,
like in the movies.
I mean, we never
even go to the beach.
Yeah.
We could just leave.
I mean,
you're the only reason I'm here.
And it's like nothing's
even changed, you know?
Nothing ever changes, dude.
That's what I'm saying.
But I feel like things
could change, you know?
I'm serious.
Like...
Your car is really badass, dude.
Yeah. It's not really my car though.
Yes, it is. I built
it for you. Thank you.
We could just get in the car,
put the flamethrower
in the trunk, leave town.
Do you know how awesome
it would be...
if we, like,
went to some small town...
and went to one of the local bars,
pulled up in that car?
People would be like,
"Holy shit. Who are these guys?"
And we'd be like, "Come outside and
take a look at our flamethrowerl '
Dude, I don't think you realize
how cool your car is.
I'm fucking serious, though, dude.
We could take
the flamethrower and guns...
and get a shitload
of drugs and liquor...
and put them all in the trunk
and just fucking go.
Oh, fuck, dude.
I, for real, feel like I'm having
an anxiety attack now.
Dude, it's 'cause you're thinking
about the wrong shit.
You need some better images
in your mind.
Can you imagine...
two sweet-ass dudes like us
in that car,
traveling through the desert,
across America?
We would look so fucking cool.
We would go places
and park the car...
where we know we look cool,
hang out smoking cigarettes,
leaning against the car,
looking cool...
and let people look at us.
We could get
fucking trashed on drugs...
in the middle of nowhere...
and drive 150 miles an hour,
naked, down the freeway,
and hang out the windows, shooting
shotguns at freeway signs...
and fucking
historical landmarks...
and fucking jackrabbits.
Dude, we could make
some jackrabbit jerky...
and jackrabbit shoulder pads...
for our new leather jackets.
Dude,
you're Lord Humungous.
Dude, you are fucking
Lord Humungous.
You are Lord fucking Humungousl
The master of firel
The king of the wastelandl
Lord Humungous
doesn't get cheated on...
by some stupid bitch.
Lord Humungous doesn't say,
"Was it good for you?"
He doesn't say, "Who called,"
or "Where were you last night?"
And he doesn't leave
the fucking gang...
when he falls in love.
Nobody fucking tells
Lord Humungous what to do.
Lord Humungous fights
when he wants to fight...
and fucks when
he wants to fuck,
and when all else fails,
he drives straight into
the fucking tanker.
The thing is,
is that Lord Humungous...
dominates his women,
and they fucking love him for it.
Seriously,
we should get out of here.
We should get away
from all this shit.
Make new friends and meet
people and stuff and, like...
Aiden,
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
Come here,
you little fuck.
It's okay that it hurts.
Okay?
You're not the only one
who fucked up.
Okay? You're getting ready to start
your new life as Lord Humungous.
#Hear this lullaby #
#Is it wrong to cross your eyes #
#Just know, my sweet #
# You'll always be my baby #
#Be my baby #
# You'll be my baby #
#I'll hold your soul #
#And I'll rock you slow #
#I'll be there when you need me #
#It's not that hard #
# To rock you through the dark #
#Every lullaby #
#Needs to find its night #
#And so we send our love #
#Into the night #
# You're never that far #
# You're never that far #
#And so my love #
#I'll keep you there #
#Oh, keep you in my heart #
#It's not that bad #
#Don't sleep so sad #
# 'Cause it's not that bad #
#So don't sleep so sad #
# We will be hurt #
#But we'll be okay #
#Lord #
#Life will be blessed ##
Okay.
Imagine...
the apocalypse
is just starting, right?
Okay,
I'm imagining it. Okay.
And nobody's ready, right?
'Cause it just happened,
and its all chaos,
and everybody is like,
"What do we do?
Like, the fucking world is ending."
And we roll up
in the most evil-looking,
rumbling, badass,
flame-throwing muscle car.
And one of us gets out...
with a hundred pounds ofbrass
and steel strapped to our back...
and just starts torching everything,
completely surrounded by fire.
Okay?
Who do you think
is going to be in charge?
Mother Medusa?
Motherfucking Medusa.
Dude, I'm really not feeling
like going out again tonight.
That was the worst thing
that could have happened.
I don't know if that's the worst thing
that could've happened.
She could have spit on me
or kicked me in the balls.
That would've been awesome.
We could've got beat up.
Okay, listen.
We're going out again tonight.
I, for real, am starting to feel like girls
don't even like me anymore.
Do you know what I was thinking earlier
when I was looking into your eyes...
when you were holding
that big gun by me?
What?
Dude, you harsh reminded me
of Lord Humungous.
No, I'm serious.
It was awesome.
And I was the Birdman.
It was sweet.
Okay, listen.
We're going out tonight,
and if I even catch you
looking at someone...
I don't care if it's a fucking guy...
you're gonna hit on them.
You're gonna pick them up,
you're gonna take them home,
and I am gonna be right
by your side the whole time.
Like, the whole time.
Okay.
Until the finishing act.
All right.
So we're sure
we don't need that tank?
Yeah.
All right.
You worried about ricochet?
Dude, you're holding a 12-gauge,
double-barrel, sawed-off shotgun.
We're gonna be fine.
All right. Okay.
Wait.
That's settled then.
We're switching to diesel.
Propane is for pussies.
Propane is for pussies.
Come on. It's time to get ready, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention
for a couple moments.
My name is John Huck,
and it is time for the main event.
Oh, yeah!
Whoo!
Take a look
at these nice little...
crickets!
All right. Hey...
Where's my spotlight?
Hello. All right. Thank you.
Now what I need are two dumb-asses
to come up here...
and compete
in a cricket-eating contest...
for this $50 gift certificate
to some shitty restaurant.
Hey, Johnny! What's up?
Is that fucking Milly?
I'll eat some bugs.
What's the big deal?
Okay. Anybody here have what it takes...
to, uh, beat this innocent little girl?
What's up? What is up?
I'll take on that little daddy's girl.
Okay.
Oh, damn. That sounds
like a threat to me, right?
All right, everybody. We
got a match! Yeah!
You're gonna get your ass kicked.
Dude, I think that was the sweetest thing
I've ever seen you do.
I think that was the
stupidest thing I've ever done.
Dude, did you get her
phone number? Fuck you.
Hey, guys.
Oh, my God,
if it isn't the criminal bitch...
who stole all the glory
from my main man.
- Hey, it's what I do.
- What's up? Have a seat.
All right.
Oh. Hey.
Hey.
That was quite the show
you put on up there.
Aw, thank you.
Yeah, it's been, like, 12 hours...
since I've seen a girl put that
much gross shit in her mouth.
Oh, wow.
Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry. Um, I'm Aiden.
Milly.
Just to let you guys know,
that's probably the dumbest fucking thing
I've seen anybody do for $50 in my life.
Oh, you think that's dumb?
You guys should've been here last week.
What? We were here
last week! You were here?
Yeah. When the creepy old guy
came out of the crowd.
No shit! What was wrong with that guy?
So you were actually gonna
let them set you on fire?
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
- They did set me on fire.
- What?
- Yes!
- We stayed after hours.
And I missed it?
Yup.
Oh, my God. That was
all I wanted that night...
was to fucking see that shit.
Looks like you made some friends. Yeah!
Watch out for these boys.
They're bad news.
Oh, they have to
watch out for us.
Okay. We're gonna need...
three pitchers of beer
and a round of shots.
Oh, my God. No.
What?
Okay. Make it whiskey.
Wait. Right? Right?
Joe!
Two shots of whiskey each.
And do you have a deck
of playing cards?
You know, it's illegal
for me to give you cards in here.
Actually, I did know that. Good.
Hey, there, buddy.
Hey.
Did you think you could just
sneak away and I wouldn't notice?
I wasn't sneaking away.
I was just getting you your drink.
Really?
Yes.
But I'm very bad
at getting bartenders' attention.
That's okay. We can do
it together. Okay. Cool.
So your friend...
He's a little bit of a bastard.
What, Aiden?
Ah! Ohh! Go!
Mmm. No. He's just crazy.
Once you get to know him, he's, like,
the sweetest dude you'll ever know.
I'm sure. Hey. I was wondering
when you were gonna come see me.
Sorry. Been busy. How you doing?
Good. You know,
just the usual. Yeah, I hear you.
So what can I get for you?
Um,
I'm gonna get two beers
and two shots of whiskey.
That's perfect.
Nice.
So your name's Woodrow?
Yes.
Milly.
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
So that was awesome, right?
What?
The contest.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We put on this
whole little show.
You called me a daddy's girl. Yeah.
I was like,
"Ooh, who is this guy?"
And then I couldn't even eat
a single grasshopper.
Oh, you were right.
Uh, maybe.
So who are you? Where are
you from? What do you do?
Uh, wow. Okay.
Um, I live around here,
but I'm from Wisconsin originally.
And I spend...
Oh, my God.
What?
Sorry. Um, your shoes.
Oh, yeah. I need to get new ones.
They're pretty bad.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
What do you do?
Oh, um, I'm building a flamethrower.
You're building a flamethrower? Yes.
Fuck you.
No, I really am.
And I'm really excited about it.
That is probably the weirdest
thing I have ever heard.
I like you.
I like you too.
Okay, drink a pitcher.
I'm drunk. I can't.
Okay. I'll make you a deal.
Will you go home with me
if I drink this entire pitcher?
No.
Okay. It's a deal then.
Oh, my God. Ew.
No.
Ohh!
Oh, my God.
Ahhh!
Hey!
Are you guys doing okay over there?
I think he's coming over here.
Shit.
Okay. You put
this between your boobs.
Wait. No, no, no.
And you put this
in your mouth.
Don't be a pussy.
So?
So?
Um, it was really, really awesome
meeting you tonight.
You too.
Can I take you out sometime?
Of course.
Okay. Can I take you
out to dinner tomorrow?
Yes.
Okay. Cool.
Do you want my number?
Yes, I do.
That's what I need is your number.
Okay. Okay. Oh.
What up, dog?
Hey. What's up?
Hmm, hmm, hmm!
How you doing?
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Where did you go?
Oh, wait. What,
is this Saturday already?
Yes. What'd they have you do tonight?
Swallow flaming swords
and shit? Oh, God.
What?
No.
They had me eating crickets. Live.
That's disgusting, Milly.
I know.
Seriously, that's gross.
I mean, it's a good way
to get sick too.
Actually,
I met this really cool guy
tonight.
Yeah?
He was going against me
in the contest,
and I totally schooled him.
Well, I am going to sleep.
Okay.
Good night.
Night.
#Havin'troubles tellin'how I feel #
#But I can dance, dance, dance #
#Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean #
#But I can dance, dance, dance #
Ah.
#So when I trip on my feet #
#Look at the beat #
#It was all written in the sand #
# When I'm shaking my hips,
look for the swing #
#It was all written in the air #
#Oh, dance #
#I was a dancer all along #
#Dance, dance, dance #
# Words can never make up
for what you do #
#Easy conversations... ##
#... Make up for what you do ##
Hey, Mr. Dancy Feet, you wanna
come and hold this for a second?
Yeah.
That girl last night?
Yeah?
Was fucking crazy, right?
I know, dude.
She kicked your ass
at eating grasshoppers.
That's it.
I can't believe
it's finally finished.
I can't believe it's finally
finished, and we can't test it...
till we have one stupid-ass
piece. Oh, I know. I know.
Carlos said we'd get the piece
tomorrow for sure, so...
Oh. Better be.
What's up?
Huh?
Nothing, dude. What's up?
Dude, I cannot believe you ate
grasshoppers to pick up a girl.
No. I know.
That was retarded.
No. That's, like, something I would do.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Oh, fuck, dude.
You should bone her.
Yeah.
You get her phone number?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, no. Actually,
I'm going on a date tonight.
Cool. Congratulations.
Thanks.
Oh, I'm going over to Elliot's,
- so if you finish with your little datey thing, you could stop by later.
- Okay.
Unless it goes super well.
I guess I might not see you
till the morning.
- I wonder.
- And then we could test this bad boy.
Yeah. Sweet.
Mike, have you
seen my ChapStick? Get up.
Aha!
- See? Ha, ha.
- Wow.
What are you doing?
Getting ready.
Getting ready for what?
I have a date with that guy
I told you about last night.
Did you drop off
the rent check yet?
Um, no. I forgot.
Come on, Milly.
It's a week late already.
Oh, come on.
It doesn't matter.
The landlord has a crush
on me anyways.
That's him. Can you get it?
Mike?
Thank you.
Hey, is, uh, Milly here?
Who are you?
Woodrow.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, there, buddy.
Bye.
So where do you want
to go eat?
Well, I was thinking, 'cause
it's our first time hanging out,
I should take you
somewhere nice.
Uh, yeah. Fuck that.
What?
I want you to take me
to the cheapest, nastiest,
scariest place
that you know of.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
If I don't get sick,
I'm gonna be pissed off.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. You know what? I think
I know somewhere we could go.
All right. Where is it?
Um,
it's, like,
halfway across the country.
What? Where?
Texas.
Uh, me and Aiden
stopped there on a road trip.
Like, we didn't go in,
but it was, like, really scary.
All right. Let's go.
Shut up.
No.
What? You wouldn't actually drive all
the way to Texas with me right now?
I would. You wouldn't.
I am not scared.
I will absolutely go.
I am not scared either. I will go.
Fine.
All right. It's on.
Okay.
Okay. Let's go.
All right.
Are those for me?
Oh!
Yes. Here. These are for you.
Thank you. That's cute.
You're welcome.
Oh, um, this is for you.
Oh. What? What is this?
Just open it.
A whole box.
I felt really bad the other night
when I was making fun of your shoes...
Oh, yeah.
...So I got you some more.
That's really nice of you.
Oh, my God.
I know it's psycho getting you a present
on the first date, but...
Date, huh?
Shut up. Put them on.
Yes.
Why'd you come here?
Um 'cause California is the place
to go when you're from Wisconsin.
Totally.
So what is all this?
Aha.
Okay. Take one of
those Dixie cups. Okay.
And then put it
underneath the spout.
Okay.
And turn on the passenger seat
heat to pressurize the system.
Okay. And then it just works
by pressing the button.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
Does it look weird? It's
whiskey. No. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Is it awesome?
Is it safe?
It's totally safe.
Aaah!
Dude, it's like...
It's like a James Bond car
for drunks.
So, you, like, built this?
Yes. Yes.
Okay.
It's, like, a hobby, I guess.
Okay. So tell me
about the flamethrower then.
Ah, the flamethrower.
So when me and Aiden
were kids in Wisconsin,
we saw Mad Max on TV.
Yep.
We recorded it
on a V.H.S. Tape...
and watched it,
like, a hundred times.
Totally.
And then our minds got warped,
and we decided that we
absolutely had to have...
our own flamethrower...
and, like, a Mad Max muscle car
that shoots flames out...
and has an engine sticking out
of the hood and is really scary.
And... Thank you.
And then, if and when the
apocalypse happens... Right.
We're set up to rule
over the wasteland...
with our gang Mother Medusa.
You know Mad Max, right?
Yes, I know Mad Max.
Come on.
Okay. Sorry.
I think I usually tell it better...
so I seem cool.
No. That was perfect
to make you seem really cool.
Okay, good.
I expect to become
an honorary member someday.
We could probably
work something out.
A Medusa, if you will.
Yes.
Yeah?
Yeah, we'll see.
Nice.
Oh.
For you.
Awesome.
And for me.
Woodrow?
#If you grew up with white boys #
# Who only look
at black and Puerto Rican porno #
# 'Cause they want something
that their dad don't got #
# Then you know where you're at #
#Mortaring your ear holes shut
in a rush with wet coke #
#In a Starbucks bathroom
with the door closed #
#On booze,
I'm left in residue and confused #
#Like the first time
you used soft water down... ##
Oh, shit.
I need a shot
to deal with this.
Here's a little one for you.
Uh... Oh, my God!
This is huge.
Cheers.
Well?
Check this out.
I'm scared.
That's good. You've done your job.
Do you see this?
What, the railroad special?
Yeah. Served all night.
And day-old meat loaf.
That's not half bad at
all. Well, well, well.
Look who got dipped
in the pretty sauce.
Did he just grab your ass?
Yes. That's fine.
Wait. Hold on a second.
No.
Hey, buddy,
you gonna apologize
to her for that?
- Why don't you take it easy, buddy?
- Dude...
Hey, I don't think
you're listening to me.
I'm dead serious
when I'm telling you right now,
I will beat the living
fucking shit out of you...
if you don't apologize
to her right now.
Woodrow, let's go, seriously.
Holy shit.
I was the one
that was supposed to get sick.
Yeah.
That didn't go as well
as I thought it would.
Mmm.
Okay.
Are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
Mmm. Where did you learn
to fight like that, mister?
Fuck you.
Whatever, dude.
Fucking badass.
Oh, hey. What's up, Courtney?
Hi, Mike.
Come on in.
Thanks.
What ya doing?
Uh, just having some people
over little later,
so I'm cooking.
Cool.
Fun.
Yeah.
So, have you
seen Milly lately?
No.
Do you know where she is
by any chance?
Yeah. She ran off
with some dude.
Woodrow?
Yeah, Woodrow. That guy.
She, uh, left a message
on the machine yesterday.
What did she say?
She's in Texas or some shit.
God knows.
I hope she gets back in time.
You guys can still come over and party
even if she's not back yet.
I still live here too.
Speaking of which, I paid her rent again.
Tsk.
Um...
What are you making?
Smokies.
Smokies?
Yeah. Smokies.
They're really good.
They're just, like,
little tiny wieners?
Yes.
Really?
Little hot dogs. That's what you
chose to make for your friends...
little wieners.
Yeah.
That's an interesting choice.
And I really like this
apron too. Thank you. Okay.
It really brings out
your eye color. Bye.
A nice teal. Get outta
here. I will see you...
Hey, maybe you can make
those Smokies for my birthday.
Maybe I will. Maybe I
should try one just to...
No, don't touch.
If you leave, I'll make them for you.
Really?
I promise. But go.
Come on, Layla. Let's go.
#Doodily-do #
#When I doodily-do #
#And I... #
# I doodily-do
when I doodle my doodle #
#All us diddle when I
get pushed up the middle #
Miss Thing!
How's your face feel?
Hmm?
Oh, it's not bad.
Your eye is really swollen.
It's not that swollen.
You're crazy.
Mmm. Does it look cool?
What, you acting crazy?
No, my eye.
Yeah, it's pretty tough.
Okay.
This is nice.
Why do you keep saying that?
I don't know. 'Cause it is.
You're so cute.
Mmm. Thank you.
You're pretty cute too.
Mmm.
Mmm.
This is nice though.
Mmm.
Do you have a boyfriend?
What?
I don't know.
Do you think that I would be on this
trip with you if I had a boyfriend?
I don't know.
I mean, I hope not,
I guess.
I don't have a boyfriend, silly.
Okay.
Sorry.
I think you might be
my girlfriend someday, yeah?
Um, is that your way of asking
me to be your girlfriend?
Um, I don't know. Maybe.
You don't want me
to be your girlfriend.
I think I might, actually.
No, you don't.
Why not?
Because.
Because why?
Things will go bad.
How do you know?
Because that's
always what happens.
I'll hurt you,
and I won't be able to help it.
Oh, how do you know
I won't end up hurting you?
I doubt it.
I'm pretty tough,
you know?
I know, I know.
You're not
gonna hurt me.
Okay.
Hello.
Hi.
Can I get a pack of aspirin,
please?
Aspirin. Yes.
Oh, excuse me. I'm walking.
Oh, actually,
can I get the yellow one?
Yellow. Oh, excuse me. I'm
walking. Sorry. Excuse me.
Aiden, can you quit
harassing my customers, please?
Aiden! You asshole.
My God, I thought you were
some crazy weirdo.
I am some weirdo.
What are you doing here?
I just live around
the corner. Oh. Sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So have you heard
from Woodrow or Milly?
Yeah, I did, actually.
Apparently they went to Texas.
Texas? Really?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Weird.
They're not gonna get back
till Wednesday.
Wednesday. Sweet.
Yeah.
Except I'm, like, really bored
without Milly around.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Then you called,
but then you were
just looking for Milly, so...
Hey, come on. I was looking
for Woodrow, seriously.
No, I mean, it was weird.
I did ask for your number.
I wasn't sure if I should call.
Well, I gave you my number.
I know, I know, I know.
But then I woke up the next
morning, and I was like, "Oh, my God.
"Last night, I was so drunk,
she probably just gave me her phone
number 'cause she felt sorry for mel '
No, no. I don't have problems
saying no to drunk guys.
No, I didn't say that.
It's just I'm so fucking hot.
You're such a dork.
Um, this is my place.
Awesome.
Well, um, I don't know...
if Woodrow and Milly
are gonna be back yet,
but on Wednesday night...
it's my birthday,
so I'm gonna have a party
at Milly's house.
Sweet. Since you live right
here, if you wanna go...
No. I totally wanna go.
I love birthday parties.
Okay. Cool.
Okay.
So, Wednesday night.
Okay. Cool.
Okay. So I'll see you.
Okay. Okay, that's cute.
Okay. All right. Sweet.
Well, uh, have a good day,
and I'll see you...
for your super radical
birthday party Wednesday night.
We'll get trashed.
Okay.
We'll trash-talk each other.
Bye.
Okay. Bye.
Woodrow, you have to come see this.
What? What is it?
Just come see.
What is it?
Just come see!
Okay. Ahh!
You're gonna make me mad!
Oh, my God!
Dude, right?
This is a really, really...
beat-up old motorcycle.
It's fucking homemade.
I know.
You know what else it is?
Awesome?
Yes, awesome. And?
Old?
Dude, look at it. And?
And apocalypse Road Warrior
motorcycle awesomeness!
Totally! Let's buy it.
Oh, my God, it is.
How are we gonna get it back? There's
no way we're gonna fit that in the car.
Yeah, you're right.
But perhaps we could
trade the car for it.
You can't trade your car.
Yes, I can.
Who cares?
It's not worth anything.
Let's do it. Dude!
Let's fucking do it.
All right.
Have a great day.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Later! Bye! Bye!
#I know you know my heart #
#I've seen you know #
#I know you know my heart #
# You're blind,
and you're deaf too #
#Aren't you #
# You're blind,
and you're deaf too #
#Aren't you #
#Aren't you #
#Aren't you #
# There's people that we know #
# There's places #
# There's seldom things
we must replace #
# There's hollowness
and there's Sundays #
#And there's hope
every weekend we make it #
# We find truth
in all of our losses #
#And we build from where
we cannot possibly bear #
# To see ##
Aiden.
Hey.
Hey.
You're here early.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Open it.
Oh, okay.
It's a fruitcake.
It's awesome.
I figured if I got you fruitcake
for your birthday,
I could get you a real present at Christmas
when we know each other really well.
Come in.
Okay.
Ohh!
Oh.
Mmm.
Is this good-bye?
Mmm, yeah.
Mmm?
Mmm.
I had a really good time
hanging out with you.
Me too.
What?
Nothing.
Did you just kiss me?
Yeah.
Took you long enough.
Mmm.
I was waiting
for the right time.
Oh.
There's a bunch of people
in your house.
I know. It's Courtney's birthday.
I totally forgot until just now.
Oh.
You wanna come in?
Oh, I'm so tired.
Come on. Come in.
We should get totally wasted.
Okay. All right.
But I have to call Aiden.
All right. Because he's
probably worried sick about me.
Aw.
Okay.
#It stumbled out lost #
#And without a pause,
unstung as I was #
#Still, I stomped it #
#I thought there was
no paved street worthy #
#Of your perfect
Scandinavian feet #
# While my crooked Chinese
fingers groped #
# The machinery of your throat #
What's up?
#And now these few presidents #
#Frowning in my pocket #
Ah.
#Can persuade no god #
# To let me let you talk #
#Oh, these few presidents #
#Drowning in my pocket #
#Can persuade no god #
# To let me let you off #
What the hell? Woodrow!
I missed you! Where were you? Aiden!
What the hell
are you doing here?
So you two actually drove
all the way to Texas?
Yeah.
You didn't go to that
restaurant, did you? I did.
You prick!
We were supposed to go there.
I know. I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Did you actually eat there?
Yeah.
I had meat loaf.
It was good.
And you're okay?
Mm. Mm-mm.
I had diarrhea, but it's better now.
Cool. Are you fucking serious?
Oh, my God, perv!
Did you fucking just grab my fucking ass?
Relax, okay? Oh, you
telling me to relax, huh?
Oh, my God.
Shut the fuck up,
fucking faggot!
Go suck some fucking dick!
Wow. That girl is feisty!
Man.
Hey, Mike, looks like
you made a friend up there, huh?
Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever.
Fucking bitch. My house!
I think that girl
has a crush on me.
I should probably go say hi.
I think you should too.
Definitely.
Oh, yeah?
What will you give me if I do?
I will give you a dollar.
I will give you a dollar too.
I also will give you a dollar.
However, I don't think
it's a good idea.
Wow. Three dollars.
Do you guys know what
I could buy for three dollars?
Oh, my God.
I better go over there.
What are you gonna say?
I think I got
the perfect thing, actually.
I'm just gonna need
to get ready first.
Hey, I saw you looking
at me from across the room,
and I was looking at your jeans,
and I could tell you're packing...
a tight little pussy in there,
and I wanted to put it
in my mouth.
What the fuck's
your fucking problem, man?
You talk to chicks like that
all the time, or what?
Hell, no, dude.
What, are you crazy, man?
Fuck you!
Ow. Oh.
Now what, motherfucker?
Now what?
Woodrow! Woodrow!
Fuck! Oh!
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Dude, come on!
Dude, fuck that guy!
Fuck that girl, dude!
I hope that fucking girl...
takes that guy home
and gives him fucking Al DS.
Or at least a fucking blow job.
Hey, you guys!
Where are you going?
To hell! And heaven!
Where you going?
Nowhere.
Aiden...
Aiden, let's go!
Don't be getting fresh with my girl!
You guys stop getting fresh!
Come on!
Ohh.
You know her friends
are a bunch of tools, right?
Seriously.
Shut up, Mike.
They're my friends too.
I don't get it.
What don't you get?
Mike, what don't you get?
# Get back in the game #
# Get back in the game #
# Don't you want rent
free from shame #
Happy birthday, sweetie.
# Never meant
to cause you pain ##
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
Hey, buddy.
Mmm, hey.
Mmm.
Feeling chipper today?
Mm-hmm.
I'm surprised.
You just, like, passed out...
after beating the crap
outta some dude.
Mmm, that's right.
Oh, my God.
My fucking head hurts so bad.
Hey.
Wait. Wait.
What?
Don't get off yet.
I already did.
I'm sorry. Is that gross?
Can you always do that?
I don't know.
It never happened before.
Wait. Here. Move like this.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Hey.
Hey.
That was really nice.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it was. Mm-hmm.
I don't think I ever
had sex that good before.
Shut up.
No.
Shut up.
It probably wasn't any good for you.
It probably would help
if my fingers were in your butt.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God. Good morning, Aiden.
Wow. You guys
are really close.
We can switch spots if you want.
No, no, no.
Just pretend I'm not here.
I'm gonna make breakfast.
Such a gentleman.
A fine gentleman.
Hey, there, buddy.
Hey.
Mmm. Mmm.
I had, like, a really, really
good time hanging out with you.
Me too.
I'm gonna go. I smell.
Okay.
I'll call you later.
Okay.
Hey, buddy. Hey!
I'll see you later.
Later!
You want butter
on your toast?
Yeah. Thanks.
No problem.
So, what did you guys do?
What happened?
Oh, crap, dude.
All kinds of stuff.
Yeah? Well, I wanna hear
some fucking stories.
Okay. Um...
Oh, shit! I got a fucking motorcycle.
What? Really?
Yeah.
Sweet. Where is it? I'm pretty sure
it's still sitting over at Milly's house.
Aw, dude, that sucks.
I wanna see it.
I know.
It's fucking sweet, dude.
I actually didn't buy it.
What, did you steal it?
No. I traded my car for it.
What? Dude, you traded Speed
Biscuit for a motorcycle?
Yeah.
An apocalypse motorcycle.
Dude, that is
so fucking awesome.
All right.
Beer and bacon,
beer and bacon.
Here you go.
Oh, wow. Thanks.
Yeah.
Do you know what
this means, dude?
Two for three.
Two for three, dude.
You finished the flamethrower.
I finished the flamethrower.
You fucking asshole.
You fucking asshole. Eat your
breakfast. We're gonna go test it.
We had to refill the liquor
reservoir on the Biscuit, like, three times.
Really?
Yeah.
Awesome.
So, basically, while you were
away, you turned into a, uh,
drunken, criminal brawler,
basically.
Yeah.
Dude, that's awesome.
How about
this little guy?
Oh, nice. Oh.
Sweet.
I should've called or something
while I was gone, huh?
Dude, don't even worry about it. I'm
not your mom, I'm your best friend.
Okay. Good.
Cool.
Now let's get that fucking
Medusa on your back.
I'm so psyched to test this.
Okay!
Ready?
The pilot is lit.
There we go.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Here we go.
Wait. What if it
blows up or something?
Then we're gonna be on fire.
Okay.
Do we have safety stuff?
Oh, dude. I totally forgot.
Here you go, commander.
Oh, perfect.
I feel much better now.
All right.
Here it goes.
Holy crap!
Mother Medusa!
Mother Medusa!
#Give her a dollar #
#For every word I spoke today #
#Have at least
a couple dollars to my name #
# Was amazing
the way drunk I get #
#Shake the embers from
my hands and my brain #
#Do I love you enough #
# To get me through another day #
#Do I love you enough #
# To pretend I'm okay #
#If I had a million people
laughin'at us ##
Did you cut your hair again?
Babes, I'm freaking out.
What? What? I don't like my facial hair.
It looks good.
Does it?
Yes. It's fine.
I feel stupid.
No.
Just leave it.
Okay. Oh.
I can't find my belt.
It's fucking trashed in here.
What is all this nonsense?
What is this?
It's a jewelry box.
But where
did it come from?
My mom gave it to me.
And it's here?
L... I don't know.
I don't know why it's here.
All right. Well.
When are you coming back?
Um, tomorrow night.
You have to leave right now?
Yeah.
So we have
the whole day tomorrow.
Okay.
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
Oh, what's this?
Mmm.
Do you know what you're
gonna do tonight?
No. I don't know.
Do you think that
you're gonna go out?
Maybe.
Are you gonna come home?
Yes.
Will you call me
before you go to bed?
Yes.
Okay.
Who called?
Courtney.
What?
I'm sorry. I'm gonna get going.
All right.
Okay.
I love you.
Hey, dude.
I thought you disappeared.
Hey.
You want a beer?
Thanks.
What's up?
Nothing.
Just been sitting here
working on a drawing...
when I realized I hadn't
even left the house in a week.
I told Milly I wasn't coming back
until tomorrow.
I bet that went over really well.
Fuck.
You wanna start
looking for the car?
No. Fuck the car.
Dude, fuck the gang.
Fuck everything right now.
Fuck!
I'm going to bed, dude.
Babe! Fuck!
What? What?
Get off! Get off!
Babe!
Oh, fuck!
Goddamn!
Fucking Woodrow.
Get your clothes on.
Babe...
Why are you doing this?
Babe, you weren't supposed
to be here.
Fuck that! I left a fucking
message on the machine!
I didn't get it!
You're always fucking here!
I didn't get it!
Fuck! Babe!
Fuck this shit.
Why are you
fucking doing this?
What are you talking about?
What the fuck are you still
doing here? Get the fuck out.
Mike...
Milly, come on. Let's go.
Dude, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Get the fuck out of my house.
I'm not gonna leave her like
this with you. Calm the fuck down.
Milly, will you tell him
to get the fuck out of the house?
Milly, let's go.
Whoa! Ho!
Fuck! Babe...
Fuck this, dude.
I'm not fucking fighting.
I'm not fucking doing... Mike!
Fuck!
Mike!
Stop it! Stop!
Woodrow.
Fuck!
Stop it!
Fuck this.
All right.
Wanna go in there with me?
I think if I go in there,
I'm gonna kill both of them.
Okay.
I'll only be a minute.
Hello?
Hey.
Hey.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Go ahead.
Hello?
Okay. Yeah. I'll be right there.
Today has been too fucking weird, man.
Dude, the last couple days
have been too fucking weird.
I was reading...
They gave me this stack of papers,
uh, that I had to sign,
and there was all this stuff about
what they did to me while I was here.
Yeah?
And my brain is swollen,
so I might die in my sleep
or something, apparently.
Holy shit.
This car is fucking crazy.
I know.
Wait. I'm confused.
Well, I knew you needed a car, so...
figured I get you a tank
and then I wouldn't have to worry about you.
Holy shit, dude.
This could be the car.
Dude, this is gonna be the car.
Ohh.
Fucking thing
doesn't do anything anyways.
This place is
a fucking mess, dude.
Can you fix my bed?
Oh, yeah. No. Totally.
I'm coming to take your car...
and destroy you
and take your life.
Hello?
Hey.
It's Courtney.
Woodrow.
How's it going?
Good.
Where did you come from?
Just from my house.
There's, um, some people
over there, drinking. Oh.
But I wanted to come over here
and see how you were doing.
Oh, yeah. Aw.
Do you want to come in?
Yeah.
Um, sorry it's a mess in here.
That's okay.
Hope it doesn't gross you out.
No.
I brought beer.
Oh.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Sure.
Here.
Oh.
You got it?
I got it.
Okay.
To what, I don't know.
Mmm.
Um,
you know, I just wanted to...
I just wanted to tell you
that I feel really shitty...
about the whole Milly thing.
Can you do me a favor?
Yeah.
Will you give me a hug?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Of course.
It's stupid.
No, that's not stupid.
Come here. Mmm.
So you've been hanging out
with Aiden?
Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit.
I mean, he's been
pretty messed up, you know?
About everything.
Yeah?
You know, since...
That feels good.
Yeah?
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
What?
Um, I don't know...
I don't know if we should do this.
Why not?
I don't know.
Oh, my God.
All right! Rise and shine, sweetheart!
Time to get up.
No time for depressed, brain-damaged,
sweet dudes to be lying around.
Come on.
We've got a big day.
You asshole.
Mmm. Ahh!
Ah. All right.
Okay. It's gonna be easy.
I got a bunch of projects for us.
Notice. Got back from the
muffler place this morning,
where they installed those amazing
new post-apocalypse exhaust pipes.
Oh, wow.
And, dude,
I found this place online
that sells smoke screen.
I got an explosion-proof gas tank,
high-pressure hydraulic pump...
that's gonna inject fuel
into the exhaust pipes,
creating huge flames
to burn our enemies.
Holy shit. You've been busy.
You might notice a new paint job.
Don't worry.
It's not done yet. It's
gonna look good. Oh, my God.
Oh! And this turbocharger
blower kit for the hood...
with sweet belts
and pulleys and shit, but...
it's on special order,
so we might not see it for a while.
Wow. That's, um...
That's a lot of stuff.
I know. I've had a lot of time
on my hands, dude.
What do you want to start with?
Um,
I think we should do the flames.
That's what I was thinking.
Uh-oh.
Is there a gun
in your purse?
Yeah.
Is it real?
Mm-hmm.
Can I see it?
Okay. Sure.
This is a really big gun.
Mmm. Yeah.
Seriously, though, please don't...
So if I pulled the trigger...
Wait. If I pulled the trigger
right now, it would go off?
Yes.
And I would be dead?
You would shoot yourself
in the head and be dead.
Okay... My face feels like
it's tingling right now.
Woodrow... Okay. That's...
Sorry.
It was pretty messed up
when you were in the hospital, man.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty weird.
You were pretty messed up,
mumbling all sorts of weird crap.
Was it awesome?
No, dude, it wasn't awesome.
It was actually terrible.
We were all sitting around,
super awkward.
No one knew what to say.
Then, like,
everyone just started
fucking crying, man.
It was pretty weird.
Dude, can you hand me
that screwdriver?
It's okay. I got it.
You all right?
Huh?
Drinks? Oh, hello.
Um, yes. We would like a bottle...
of the "Claw du Bwahl '
Excuse me?
Um, bottle of"Clothes du Boys"?
You mean Clos du Bois?
Yes! Clos du Bois.
That's what it is.
That's the one.
It is a French wine,
and it is the cheapest on the list.
Okay. That's the one I want.
Okay.
You sure you wanna
eat here? Yeah.
I don't no. It just seems like...
it's really expensive and stuffy.
Oh, wait.
We have to, though,
because I got you a present.
You got me a present?
Yes.
Oh, my gosh! Dude.
Aiden said
that you were supercool,
so it was okay
if you joined the gang.
- Where did you find it?
- I had it made.
You had it made?
I love it. It's awesome.
Dude, seriously?
You know what?
I am in a gang now.
I do not need this pretentious,
bullshit restaurant.
Do you?
Fucking, fuck!
Fuck, no, you don't!
I'll fuck a bitch!
Goddamn!
"She could hold herselfback no longer.
She rides loose
like an untamed beast."
Oh, my...
No!
Mmm.
This is nice.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
What?
I wanna know what happened
to Samantha.
She has sex.
"Stephan removes his shaft
from her quivering labia"...
Wait a minute.
It doesn't really say that.
Yes. "Samantha gasped
with desire.
"Stephan makes her
beg for it.
"He's not gonna let her
get off that easy.
"He slams his gigantic
flesh-rod deep into her...
and keeps slamming her over and
over and over again until she"...
Oh, God.
Oh, Milly. Goddamn.
Woodrow?
Holy shit.
Everything's fucked up.
I have fucking brain damage.
You don't have
fucking brain damage.
Yeah, I fucking do.
You don't.
Fucking shitty fucking scars
all over my fucking body.
No, it's okay.
And my fucking heart's broken.
I'm fucking pissed, and I don't
even know who to fucking blame.
It's all right.
Hey.
Milly wants her shit, dude.
What the fuck are you thinking
coming over here?
If you want something from us,
you send us a fucking letter!
I'm gonna let you go,
but if you come back here,
I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you.
Okay. I'm putting
all her shit in a box...
so you don't have to
stare at it anymore.
And then when you're feeling well enough,
we're gonna burn it.
Did you get out at all today?
No.
Milly, what the fuck
is going on? Shut up.
Who did...
What the hell happened?
Who did this?
Woodrow?
Yeah?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Never mind.
Woodrow?
What? I wanna know.
Do you think
you're getting over Milly?
What the fuck am I doing?
Oh, Courtney...
This is so stupid.
Courtney, wait.
I love you.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
Sticking Courtney, huh, dude?
Yeah, I bet that's making you
feel better, huh?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Tsk. I'm sorry, dude.
It's all right.
I think I just said the stupidest thing
I've ever said in my life.
I finished the car.
Really?
Yeah. I think we should go for a drive, get
out of this filthy apartment for a while.
Probably be good.
Okay.
I have no idea
what I'm doing with her, man.
Hey, don't worry about it,
you know?
You're doing
what you have to do.
You know I had a crush on her,
though, right?
Open the fucking door.
Leave me alone. Are you
gonna do something about this shit,
or am I going to?
Take care of it yourself.
Oh, you want me
to fucking take care of it?
Open the door.
Open the door.
Open the door, or I'm gonna do
something bad, I swear to God.
You gonna be all right, dude?
Yeah, I think I am, actually.
I'm serious about leaving,
you know?
Think about it.
We could leave in the morning.
Just get the fuck outta here.
Almost forgot.
I guess these are yours.
You sure?
Yeah, dude. It's your car.
You know, the car
is fucking supercool.
I know.
All right. I'll see you later, dude.
Hey! Hey, no!
What the fuck are you...
What are you doing?
Stop it! Stop it!
Mike.
Mike, this is done.
Give me the bat. Go home.
Hey! It's 3:00
in the goddamn morning!
I called the cops.
Aiden.
Come over here.
Aw, fuck.
Good afternoon.
Are you Milly by any chance?
Yeah.
Um, I have some bad news
that I need to give to you.
Oh, my God.
This is fucking stupid.
Where are you going?
- I'm leaving!
- Woodrow, what are you talking about?
Where are you going? I don't
know. I'm just fucking leav...
- Fuck!
- What about Aiden?
Are you fucking kidding me?
"What about Aiden?"
When's the last time
you fucking saw Aiden?
Aiden's not here.
Fucking idiot.
Okay. I don't understand. What
are you so angry about right now?
What are you fucking doing here?
What?
What are you doing in my house?
You're Milly's best friend.
Fuck you! You're an asshole!
Oh, and you're not an asshole?
I knew exactly what
you were doing, Woodrow.
I just thought that maybe
you actually liked me,
'cause I'm so fucking stupid.
I think you should go home.
I need to be alone.
I'm gonna go buy some socks
and some other crap.
In the morning,
I'm getting in my car and going.
Give me the bug spray.
Fuck it. I'm going. I'm going.
What the fuck?
Woodrow asked me
to move away with him.
What?
Hey.
You need to leave.
Now.
What about rent?
I'm sorry. Put an ad
in the paper. Fuck you.
You can't just disappear. You
need to get out of my way now.
If you don't hurry, he's gonna leave
without... Fuck you, Courtney! Aaah!
Woodrow.
Woodrow?
I promise I will
do anything you want.
Give him a fucking mustache.
He hates mustaches.
Have you seen Woodrow?
Have you?
You piece of shit.
Fuck you. You're supposed
to be my best friend.
We don't even fucking talk anymore,
you piece of fucking shit!
Get the fuck outta my house!
No!
Not until you get on your knees and tell
me that you're a piece of filthy shit.
What the fuck are you...
Let me the fuck up,
you fucking bitch!
Don't fucking follow me!
I will stab you in the fucking throat,
I swear to God,
if you don't get the fuck
out of my house.
I will fucking cut you!
Get the fuck out of my house!
Fuck you!
Ohh!
Did you do this to me?
I don't know! I don't know!
Why did you do this to me?
I'm sorry! I don't know!
What do you want me
to fucking do?
I don't care.
You see my fucking face?
I'm sorry!
What do you want me to do?
I can do some really
fucking sick shit!
I've been fucking thinking
about it all morning!
I know, I know!
I don't care! Just do it!
I don't care!
I don't care!
I don't care!
I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Ow!
Woodrow?
No, no, no, no. No!
Woodrow, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Wait! Wait!
Woodrow!
Woodrow!
#Could you wait
for answers, please #
#It's not really you here #
#In the darkest hour #
#It's what you say you are #
#And the way you make me feel #
#How did you get black #
#How did my soul turn so black ##
I'm sorry, dude.
It's all right.
I think I just said the stupidest
thing I've ever said in my life.
I finished the car.
Really?
Yeah. I think we should
go for a drive,
get out of this filthy apartment
for a while.
Probably be good.
Okay.
Dude, you should hit this.
No. I'll freak
out. You know. You've seen me.
You're not gonna freak out.
It's just you and me.
We're not gonna
have to talk to anyone else.
All right. Give it here.
Oh, Jesus.
Ah, nice, dude.
Ah.
I've been thinking.
We pretty much moved all the
way out here for no reason...
except for that we thought
it would be cool,
like in the movies.
I mean, we never
even go to the beach.
Yeah.
We could just leave.
I mean,
you're the only reason I'm here.
And it's like nothing's
even changed, you know?
Nothing ever changes, dude.
That's what I'm saying.
But I feel like things
could change, you know?
I'm serious.
Like...
Your car is really badass, dude.
Yeah. It's not really my car though.
Yes, it is. I built
it for you. Thank you.
We could just get in the car,
put the flamethrower
in the trunk, leave town.
Do you know how awesome
it would be...
if we, like,
went to some small town...
and went to one of the local bars,
pulled up in that car?
People would be like,
"Holy shit. Who are these guys?"
And we'd be like, "Come outside and
take a look at our flamethrowerl '
Dude, I don't think you realize
how cool your car is.
I'm fucking serious, though, dude.
We could take
the flamethrower and guns...
and get a shitload
of drugs and liquor...
and put them all in the trunk
and just fucking go.
Oh, fuck, dude.
I, for real, feel like I'm having
an anxiety attack now.
Dude, it's 'cause you're thinking
about the wrong shit.
You need some better images
in your mind.
Can you imagine...
two sweet-ass dudes like us
in that car,
traveling through the desert,
across America?
We would look so fucking cool.
We would go places
and park the car...
where we know we look cool,
hang out smoking cigarettes,
leaning against the car,
looking cool...
and let people look at us.
We could get
fucking trashed on drugs...
in the middle of nowhere...
and drive 150 miles an hour,
naked, down the freeway,
and hang out the windows, shooting
shotguns at freeway signs...
and fucking
historical landmarks...
and fucking jackrabbits.
Dude, we could make
some jackrabbit jerky...
and jackrabbit shoulder pads...
for our new leather jackets.
Dude,
you're Lord Humungous.
Dude, you are fucking
Lord Humungous.
You are Lord fucking Humungousl
The master of firel
The king of the wastelandl
Lord Humungous
doesn't get cheated on...
by some stupid bitch.
Lord Humungous doesn't say,
"Was it good for you?"
He doesn't say, "Who called,"
or "Where were you last night?"
And he doesn't leave
the fucking gang...
when he falls in love.
Nobody fucking tells
Lord Humungous what to do.
Lord Humungous fights
when he wants to fight...
and fucks when
he wants to fuck,
and when all else fails,
he drives straight into
the fucking tanker.
The thing is,
is that Lord Humungous...
dominates his women,
and they fucking love him for it.
Seriously,
we should get out of here.
We should get away
from all this shit.
Make new friends and meet
people and stuff and, like...
Aiden,
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
Come here,
you little fuck.
It's okay that it hurts.
Okay?
You're not the only one
who fucked up.
Okay? You're getting ready to start
your new life as Lord Humungous.
#Hear this lullaby #
#Is it wrong to cross your eyes #
#Just know, my sweet #
# You'll always be my baby #
#Be my baby #
# You'll be my baby #
#I'll hold your soul #
#And I'll rock you slow #
#I'll be there when you need me #
#It's not that hard #
# To rock you through the dark #
#Every lullaby #
#Needs to find its night #
#And so we send our love #
#Into the night #
# You're never that far #
# You're never that far #
#And so my love #
#I'll keep you there #
#Oh, keep you in my heart #
#It's not that bad #
#Don't sleep so sad #
# 'Cause it's not that bad #
#So don't sleep so sad #