Best and Most Beautiful Things (2016) Movie Script
You gonna light this candle?
Don't you
think lighting a candle
is kind of cliche?
What do you mean?
Everyone does that in movies.
"Concentrate on the candle.
Concentrate
on the flame."
It's works.
Really?
Have a candle.
I feel it's getting warmer.
Is this my imagination?
No, honey.
It's not... it's not lit.
I can't see anything.
I'll help you.
I'll talk you through it, OK?
- OK. - So here's the match...
- Oh, OK.
And the matchbox comes
with a striker on the side.
It... it's scary.
Yeah.
You just do this like that
and light on fire...
and harder.
I'm afraid of it.
Why are you afraid of it?
Because I'm afraid of fire.
Now hold on to the candle
with the other hand,
almost there, and you'll
see when it lights.
Up a little bit higher.
Now just keep it right there.
Keep your... keep your
match right there.
It'll light that on fire.
It's getting shorter
and shorter.
Yeah. Good.
Good. See?
When can I blow it out?
Want to blow it out now?
Daria, on computer:
I can't believe you're trying
to bribe me with singles.
Sweetie, it's not a bribe.
It's a deal. Honestly...
Oh, my God,
did I really just say that?
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I have the cutest,
little pores, don't I?
You really do.
I wish I had pores
like yours, Daria.
Michelle, voice-over: It's...
it's a freaking genius show.
It's a show about outcasts
that tells you
it's OK to be an outcast.
Make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls if
that's something you're into
When the...
Michelle, voice-over:
I've always felt
like I was not normal,
like I did not fit in.
First of all,
I am legally blind.
I cannot see your face
from this distance at all
unless I'm literally
almost nose to nose with you.
I forget that the camera's
over here, not up there. Ha ha!
Oh, crap.
Michelle, voice-over:
I have something called
Asperger syndrome,
otherwise known
as high-functioning autism.
It's that I get very obsessed
with things in my head,
and, um, like, it takes over
my brain, basically.
I'm a little surprised, Daria.
That makes two of us.
I didn't figure you to believe
in all that
mumbo-gumbo.
Gee...
I hope this
won't lower your opinion of me.
Ha ha ha!
La la la la la...
Michelle, voice-over: Basically,
my childhood, it was mostly
things that were...
quote, unquote... "normal"
for little girls to like,
but I liked them in the extreme.
Hello, Mumsy.
Hey, honey.
Um, smells like sandwiches.
Yeah. It's roast
beef and salami...
Ooh, yummy.
And... yes,
and tomatoes.
Michelle, voice-over: Nowadays,
I feel like I need to have
some tangible success
in my life.
What about, uh, banana peppers?
Top shelf on the right.
Oh.
Michelle, voice-over:
When I get up in the morning,
pour myself a cup of coffee
and think,
"OK. I'm going to work,"
and when I come home
in a evening, feel like I've...
you know, I've had a...
you know, a long,
fulfilling day
and I'm earning my money,
that... that feeling
that all kids want,
which is to be an adult.
Woman, voice-over:
Michelle was a very good baby.
She didn't cry a lot.
She did a lot of looking around,
and we didn't...
we didn't know until
she was 3 months old
that she even had
a vision problem.
Michelle, voice-over:
When I was in kindergarten,
my parents said, "If the kids
laugh at you, just ignore them,"
and I was thinking,
"Why would they laugh at me?"
Pick up the pace.
Well, this is an exciting day.
Huh huh!
What are you gonna do today?
I don't know, but
I'm a little nervous.
You are?
Yeah.
How are the first day of school?
Going back is a little
nervous, isn't it?
Yeah...
especially in fifth grade
because fifth grade...
Pump up...
Pump up the volume,
pump up volume
Pump up the volume,
dance, dance, dance
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Michelle, voice-over: I was
never popular in public school.
The kids'd literally be like,
"Ew, there's Michelle.
We're gonna catch her disease,"
and then just, like, run away.
That was probably the worst,
um, because I couldn't
see the faces people made,
but I could hear the words,
and that... that hurt the most.
I wasn't angry at them.
I didn't want to go punch them,
but it felt like emptiness.
Woman, on computer:
Hey, guys, it's Nik here,
and, as requested,
I'll be doing...
Michelle, voice-over:
When I'm on the computer,
I can see things,
for the most part,
the way the sighted world
see things,
and people talk to me online,
a lot of times,
they don't even know
that I'm blind,
and so I feel like it...
it equalizes me,
but then when I leave the house
and... and go out into the world,
it's not like that.
Hey, Mom, do you know what
happened to my backpack?
No.
Ohh...
Ohh...
uh...
Ohh!
Uh, can't find it, like, at all.
Wonderful. I didn't...
haven't gone anywhere.
I didn't left...
left the house.
No. I don't
see it anywhere.
Yeah. Yeah. I know.
Ohh...
You didn't go...
No.
I didn't go anywhere
for, like, a week.
I don't know what to do.
It isn't anywhere.
It's just nowhere.
Ohh...
This is my life.
Oh, why are you guys
still filming me?
I mean, there are
less than 4 things
I could think of
that could've happened.
And so what?
There it is.
Oh, my God.
I found it, and I'm so sorry
that I freaked out at you guys.
Michelle, voice-over: I want
to see all aspects of life.
Just because I'm legally blind
doesn't mean I have to miss out
on what the world has to offer.
This is Picture Day
Abbey Bominable.
Abbey Bominable is the daughter
of the Yeti,
and she's, like,
my favorite character
because she's really blunt,
plus she has a cool accent,
so 7, 6, and 4,
then 4, then two.
Michelle, voice-over: I want
to experience, you know, like,
working and... and romance
and partying and all that stuff,
going to bars, going to museums.
20, 21, 22, 23...
23 dolls.
Yay. I'm in doll heaven.
Michelle, voice-over: I'm ready
for the uncensored world...
you know what I mean?
Even the good, bad,
and the ugly...
so I went and got a job,
uh, working for this woman
and a, um... a post office,
and every Wednesday and Friday,
I would come in
and wash my hands and say,
"What do you want me to do?"
and I would do it.
I would do it to the best
of my abilities,
and sometimes I would get
a little nervous
and a little bit, "Oh, I feel
like I'm not doing this right."
I did all these little things,
apparently.
Like, I made excuses when
they said I did something wrong.
I freaked out.
I went into another room
and cried,
and then I got fired from it.
That's basically my first
job experience.
The really pathetic thing is
that it wasn't even a real job.
It was training.
I got fired during training.
Like, uh...
Julie, voice-over: The thought
that Michelle had was,
"If I can get fired from that,
where do I go from here?
What do I do now?"
Like when you wake up
behind the bar
Trying to remember
where you are
Julie, voice-over:
She certainly does feel
that the struggles and losses
in her life
have, um, helped define her.
Each and every one of you
has the talent
and the ability to create
your own life.
Know yourself and know
all the challenges you face
and don't put yourself
on the sidelines.
Not everybody's
gonna understand you
or see you as capable,
or, in some cases,
they may even pity you,
God forbid,
but you can't let that
stop you from being
the most important person
in your own world.
You know, all people
are great in their dreams.
The point that I want
for you guys
is to be important
in your own life,
not just in your dreams,
but in your real life,
you know, that it is,
in fact, up to you.
Perfect diploma
to Michelle Anne Smith.
Michelle, voice-over:
I'm gonna miss this place,
but in some ways I feel like
I've almost outgrown it.
I want to leave,
and I want to take on the world.
The world will be my burrito.
Hi, Fran. Hi, Maxwell.
Michelle, voice-over: I would
wake up, go on the computer,
take my meds, have some coffee,
go on the computer,
take a shower,
go on the computer,
but I've probably spent
an entire year in my room...
and... and now I'm...
I'm sort of feeling
like I'm ready to step out again
into the world
and... and be social.
I am not alone
I am not alone
I am
not alone
I am
Thank you so much.
That was fun.
Julie, voice-over: It's been
really hard for Michelle
to find a job
that she's able to do.
They're just not out there
here in Bangor,
and I don't think there's
gonna be a lot of employers
that are going
to give her the chance
because she's going to need
a lot of assistance
and a lot of time.
I don't know if, you know,
someone has the patience
for that
or if she has the patience
in herself for that.
I'm cold, and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake, and I can see
the perfect sky is torn
And don't forget to wish
Michelle a happy birthday,
2-1 birthday right here.
How'd I do?
Whoo!
You rocked it.
Yours is the birthday, honey?
Happy birthday.
You can sing so beautiful.
Thank you.
Aw, I'm gonna cry.
You can.
I, um... I actually...
You sing better than me.
I... I can't...
I can't see the screen.
I'm legally blind,
so any more...
any song that I know
I have to memorize
all the words to, so, uh...
I know that, honey.
You're amazing.
Aw, thank you so much.
Keep it up.
You do a great job.
I found out about an opportunity
that I think would be
really amazing for you.
The guy that created
the "Rugrats"...
do you know that cartoon?
I very well know it.
Um, he would really love
to have you be an intern
there in Los Angeles
either this summer
or this fall if you
would be interested.
I'm shaking.
I'm gonna sit down.
I... I... uh, are you sure
I'm not dreaming?
What would he want me
to do as, like, an intern?
Does... he knows I'm blind,
right? Like...
He knows you're blind.
OK.
Maybe you would get
to voice characters.
Oh, my God, do you know
how much I want to be
a voice actor since I was,
like, a little, little kid?
Oh, my goodness.
Ha ha ha!
I don't really have
the money to really be...
I... I live on SSI
right now, so...
We want to work with you
to figure it out.
And I'd... yes.
What?
Seriously.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
No.
I'm not even...
No. Your...
your mom...
your mom doesn't
want to lose you.
Wow. Ha ha!
Yeah.
Honey, that's awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Crazy.
I know. Yeah.
It's crazy talk.
Yeah. I know.
That's awesome, honey.
Are you really considering it?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah. I really am.
It's, like, my...
my big break.
He wants me
to come to L.A.
and live in L.A.
and be a voice actor,
be his intern
and do voice acting.
Oh, wow.
That's really big.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna move to L.A.
sometime in January.
Well, uh, congratulations.
Thank you.
Maybe I might even do,
like, some singing and stuff.
I might even do some,
like, screen acting.
I really don't...
I really don't know.
Think you'll just
stay out there?
You think you'll come
back home and visit?
I don't know. I'm...
I'm probably gonna
come back home and visit,
definitely, but...
So if we want to see you,
we're gonna have
to come see you?
Uh, yeah.
Come visit me. Heh.
That's big news.
Mm-hmm.
In some ways, it's
a little bit scary.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I'll be
stressing about things.
"Oh, my gosh, she's gonna
forget to do this,"
or, "She's... you know,
she's gonna"
"be listening to her headphones
or something on the bus
and miss her bus stop,"
or, you know, stuff like that.
Migliozzi, voice-over:
It sounds kind of crazy.
Uh, the woman from
the Communications Department
is going on her own time.
This isn't
a Perkins-sponsored event.
The cold reality of it is,
there's just a lot of pieces
that have to be put in place...
the transportation,
where are you gonna
get the food,
do you know anybody
to live with,
uh, if something goes wrong,
where the support's gonna be.
You know, I don't want her
to be crushed,
and we don't want it
to fall apart.
I don't want that
for Michelle...
Hopefully, I won't get
fired from this one.
Well, you'll always
be awesome to us.
Yep.
Migliozzi, voice-over: but I
also always tell my students,
the future is theirs, and
this is what she wants to do.
It just seems like there's just
not enough in place here
to make me say that, you know,
I can give my blessing
to what's going on.
Julie, voice-over: Emotionally,
I think it would be
a huge setback for her
if it didn't work out,
and it would take her a while
to get back on track...
you know?
Well, guess
who's coming to dinner.
Hello.
Hey, how are you?
I'm doing well.
Well, good.
I love the new glasses.
Thank you.
Come on in.
Ah, this place
smells like nostalgia.
Julie, voice-over: Lori Spencer
was Michelle's
Division of the Blind teacher.
I'm very appreciative of what,
you know, Lori did for Michelle,
but she kind of had
low expectations of Michelle.
I came here
because I want to, uh,
for lack of a better word,
um, confront you
on some things,
but I want you to know
that you were... you were
a great teacher to me
in a lot of ways.
You taught me, and...
and I... I think that now
I can sort of, uh, talk to you.
OK.
Um, I think a lot
of people who work
with people with
disabilities don't really...
they tend to think
that our pers... certain...
certain personality
quirks that aren't
considered "normal"
are just a side effect
of our disability that
needs to be changed
and fixed, and our individuality
is not considered as important
as someone without a disability
because a lot of it
is considered, like,
a side effect of our disability.
"Oh, she doesn't know
that it's weird
to like to collect dolls
when she's 21"...
which I do, like,
collect dolls...
and it's like, no,
I know that people
are gonna think it's weird,
but it's who I am,
and I feel like other
people's ignorance
should not be my burden to bear.
I should be able to be myself.
I'm not hurting anyone,
and there's so many people
who are trained to work
with people with disabilities
telling me, "You will
never be a real adult."
People are always gonna talk
to you like you're a child,"
and so when we were
at that meeting and I said,
"Is there any way
I could get a new cane,
"or is there anywhere
that I can go
to get a new cane,"
I wasn't telling him,
"Get me a cane now,"
and then you went,
"Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh,"
that was, like,
the final straw in my head
of all the condescension
and patronizing stuff,
and so, yeah,
I kind of blew up at you,
and I know I prob...
I probably could've dealt
with it better,
but it just kind of, like,
was the final straw for me.
OK, and... and I will...
I will just tell you
where I'm coming from
because I certainly
didn't mean to hurt
your feelings.
Um, it's...
it's not you.
It's the autism speaking,
and so I don't take
anything personally.
Spencer, voice-over: Her world
is so small, the knowledge
that she is lacking
between the vision loss
and not seeing everything
that goes on
but then also because
of the autism...
that neurological, mental,
whatever you want to call it...
she doesn't get it,
and that's why I don't see her
as being totally independent.
I just don't.
It feels like she
looks at your condition
in black or white.
You're either
perfectly independent
and you know everything
or you don't know anything
and are not capable
of living alone.
Yeah.
No, but that's
what's being insinuated,
and I don't... and I don't
really appreciate it.
That's... that's
what you're reading into it,
and we've... and we've had
this conversation many times.
It's not...
You're not...
you're not going to
convince me that I...
that I should go and
go to basketball games.
I know it sounds rude
because I know Jordn's,
like, in it and
everything, but...
Jordn gets a lot
of playing time now.
Like, he's the starter.
I can't tell who
is he out there.
You never tried to
convince me to do...
to go to any sport...
any sporting events
for, like, the last
5 years of my life,
and I don't think
that makes me...
I don't think that
makes me a bad person.
It's not about making
you a bad person.
It's just supporting
your brother.
I'm not saying at all
that, hey, you should
become a sports fan because...
Imagine if you can...
if... if all you can do
is hear, rrr!,
squeak, squeak,
squeak, squeak,
squeak, aah!,
people screaming, and
you... there's no input.
It's just loud, loud,
offending sounds
to your ears and you
have to sit there
for two hours on a hard bench
listening to that while
everyone around you
is all excited and you
just feel left out
and slightly uncomfortable
and you feel like
you're supposed to feel
like you're supportive
but you don't.
That's the rest of us, too.
That's the rest of your group?
Oh, OK. The rest
with them.
They're with them.
Wow.
Because you guys
are all set, OK?
You're all set.
Oh, my God.
Hey, you.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Yeah.
And at center, a junior,
number 52... Jordn Smith.
All right, Jordn!
Now introducing the
home team for tonight's game...
your Bucksport Golden Bucks.
Starting at guard, senior,
number 4... Josh Gray.
Whose broad stripes
and bright stars
Through the perilous...
Here we go! Whoo!
"Hello. There are a few things
I need to get out of the way"
"before I start prattling on
about myself and my interests."
"I'm legally blind, and I have
Asperger syndrome.
"This has seriously
turned some people off.
"Some people have
the misconception that,
"because I have
dis... disabilities,
"that means I can't consent.
"I'm actually a very fun,
friendly, accepting,
"and... and approachable person.
"I'm curious about all kinds
of age play...
"sexual, nonsexual, dark,
light and fluffy, and more.
"When I first got into
this lifestyle,
"I was convinced that no one
would want to play
"with some blind chick.
I'm so happy I was wrong."
Now, this is a word
you never say.
Michelle, voice-over:
This... this is my first
real relationship as an adult.
Really, I can't see it.
Can you see this, too?
I still can't see it.
How about now?
Michelle, voice-over: It's very
sort of special relationship,
and, um, it's kind of hard
to explain it.
"Fluff shoes"?
"F... fuddlesh..."
Oh, "fiddlesticks."
"Fuddle shoes"?
Ha ha ha!
"Fuddle shoes."
Michelle, voice-over: We're both
very, very open-minded.
It's... it's a great feeling.
It really is.
"Fuddle shoe."
Ha ha ha!
That's the best thing ever.
Want to do rock,
paper, scissors?
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Dang it.
Yay.
I get to go first.
Whoo! OK.
You're gonna find some
really weird stuff in there.
OK. Oh, it's a train.
It's a train.
Oh, my goodness, it's a train.
Oh, which train?
Rheneas!
Yes.
Yay! Rheneas!
Here we go, here
we go, here we go.
No, we don't,
no, we don't
No, we don't, don't, don't
All right. There's
one more thing
in the bottom, and it
feels kind of heavy.
That... that one
will require
a little bit of context.
Oh, my goodness, what...
Oh, you...
you found it.
Ay, oh, is it a flogger?
It is.
Oh, my goodness.
Hang on. It looks
a little crooked.
Let me try to straighten it out.
No. You're just
going to...
you're just going to
hit... hit me with it.
Yeah. I...
Thank you.
Michelle, voice-over:
Ooh, BDSM, it's, like,
uh, this taboo thing.
There are lots of different ways
that people choose to be
dominant or submissive.
I sort of see it
as an adventure.
It's not about, like, abuse
or anything like that.
It's about you hand over
your free will.
You hand o... you have
so much trust in that person
that you... you can hand over
your free will to them and say,
"You are now in control of me,"
and it's... it's very liberating,
and it's very amazing feeling.
Some people might be like,
"Ew, that's weird.
That's gross,"
but it's really not.
It's an alternative lifestyle.
It's a different kind
of relationship.
It's very special to us.
What are we gonna do
about L.A., Michelle?
Like, I would just kill
to just drop everything,
go out to L.A.,
pursue my dreams
as a computer scientist-
slash-voice actor, but...
Um, cat. Cat.
I, uh...
Kitty.
Ah!
Ooh! Sorry.
Ooh! Uh, cat...
The... the way
I see it is, um,
it's so far away and our
relationship is so new
that we can't say for definite,
but we're hoping
to move to L.A.
Hopefully, that works out
the way I want it to.
Uh, I need more hangers.
Then again, I have a lot
of jeans on those hangers
that I never wear
and that don't fit me,
so there are options.
What are you looking
under my bed for?
That's not something
you should be seeing.
I was worried you'd
find those one day.
Honey, it's about to be...
It looks like a strap to a...
I thought you'd...
I thought you'd
noticed them before
and just ignored them.
Them what? It's a strap
to a suitcase.
No, it's not.
OK. That's...
Do you seriously
want to know what it is?
No...
OK.
I didn't think you did.
But to me, I didn't
find anything.
It looks like a strap
to a suitcase to me.
It's not.
OK.
Today we are going
to a BDSMcentric munch.
It's like
the "Fifty Shade of Grey" stuff.
It's where people who like
to be tied up and beaten
or tying up
and doing the beating,
like, go to meet, hang out,
oh, talk about stuff.
Michelle, every time
she goes into little mode...
i.e., the baby... I have to take
the role of the daddy...
Bada bing, bada boom.
Michael, voice-over: which means
I have to, uh, basically
take care of my...
my little girl,
like, whether it be
play with her nonsexually.
You can believe it or not,
but I'm still trying
to dip my toe into it, so
there's a lot I have to learn.
Will you open the jar up for me?
Mm-hmm.
We... we need to get, like,
the jar-opener thing.
I knew you'd like it.
OK.
Item one... the switch.
That'll be good for when
you're really, really bad...
or if I just feel like using it.
Guess which one I'm probably
gonna go with today.
I don't even have to guess.
I'm usually not that bad.
I'm usually a good, little girl.
Ooh, the flogger...
nice little...
little, spiky thing.
Yes?
Hello.
Hello.
Howdy, howdy.
How you guys doing?
Not too bad...
Getting ready.
Beautiful Sunday morning.
Getting ready?
Saturday.
Getting ready for what?
We're getting ready
for the... the partytytyt.
We're gonna run into our
friend Caitlyn down there.
She'll... she's gonna
buy us a present.
Mm-hmm.
What?
You really got to stop
using names, you know?
Heh heh.
That's right.
Whew...
So is there anything
special going on?
What's...
what are you guys...
what are you guys
gonna be doing?
Well, it's gonna be...
like, it's sort of...
sort of like a costume party,
but not like Halloween
costumes, more like...
Like, what's the...
what's the theme of...
Well, you know, it's a...
well, it's, you know...
it's a... it's a BDSM
and kink and fetish group.
Hmm.
I was nervous to tell you,
but there was also
a part of mind
that says, "If she finds
restraints on my bed"
"or a flogger in my closet,
I don't want her to
assume the worst."
Yeah.
I know that this
makes you uncomfortable,
but I also... I feel like
if I didn't tell you,
it would make things
more uncomfortable.
And I trust you in your...
your intuition
and your... your ability
to express yourself and what
you are comfortable with
and what you're not
comfortable with
and not let people
take advantage of you.
Ever, ever.
Yes, so...
but, yeah, I don't...
I don't go there in my mind...
And that's...
that's good.
You know, I... I don't...
I don't want...
because you're my...
my little girl and...
I know. I know,
and I don't... I don't...
see things from my point
of view, too,
a little bit, so...
Michelle, voice-over:
We went over to a party
in their house,
which is sort of in a secluded,
undisclosed location.
It was starting to get dark,
and people were starting
to show up in droves.
We went downstairs
to the basement,
which is where
the big sitting area is
and also the dungeon,
and I was wearing a little skirt
and a little shirt
with nothing under it
except for a diaper,
or dider, depending on
how old I am in my head
when I say it.
It's just in case,
but I'm a big girl.
I can go to the potty.
I had hot dogs for dinner
and Oreos.
They actually called me
little girl and asked me,
"What are you drawing?
Oh, it's a cat.
What does a cay say?"
and, you know,
"You're so cute,"
and things like that.
This girl came over
who was in puppy mode.
She was barking and stuff
on all fours,
and she wanted to cuddle
with us,
and she really, like,
you know...
she was being really cuddly
with me.
Baby, don't cry
Oh, my darling
You're a dying red star
Michelle, voice-over:
It was very wonderful.
Darling...
How are you feeling?
Light. I feel light
and floated,
divine almost.
Feel like I'm
on top of the world.
Boop. That's how
you're supposed...
that's how... that's
a good way to feel.
I shouldn't say
that's how you're
supposed to feel,
but that's definitely
a good way to feel after one
of these kinds of parties.
Michelle, you were great today.
Yeah.
"Men and women
indoor pool."
Yes, for men and women.
What about people
who are nonbinary?
Can't they swim, too?
Oh, my goodness,
it feels so warm,
it's like bath water warm.
I don't believe you.
Aah! I didn't know
there was another step.
Ha ha!
I seriously, like, was telling
my friend Sam about you.
Mm-hmm.
I told him about all
these different things.
You've got, like,
a great personality
You are... you're
really funny.
She's sexy.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
It wasn't until
he made a joke like,
"Why would she date you?
Is she blind or something?"
I'm like, "Oh, yeah.
She's blind."
Ha ha ha!
1, 2, 3, cannonball!
Uh!
She's
the one for me
And I just can't
live without her
My arms belong
around her
I'm so glad I found
her once again
I'm going toward the bottom.
Yeah?
I am.
Oh, I'm...
I'll follow you.
I don't care
what you do. Ha!
Well, I'll... I'll do
whatever you do, Miss Suzy.
Ha ha! OK.
Where are you in the...
in the world right now?
What is it that you're...
Um, well,
I'm not really doing much,
but I'm... that's
gonna change soon.
Right.
I'm...
I... I'm kind of living
with my mom right now,
and I was living
in some isolation,
hardly ever going out.
I didn't really have any friends
except for this one community
that I was involved in.
I... I was just...
So what's this community
that you were talking about?
Uh, this has been...
this is going on
in my head far before
I graduated, uh, high...
Perkins, but I knew
I couldn't get involved.
I wanted to get involved
with the BDSM community,
so when I moved to Maine,
I did get involved,
and I found extreme happiness,
catharsis, and freedom
through that community.
OK, so, uh, I mean, I'm...
I'm not... I'm not,
uh, shocked
or appalled or anything.
I mean, I...
I don't know
a lot about that community.
I know enough to include it
in my sex ed.
discussions,
and people have very different
opinions about it.
You know, everything's
on a continuum,
so there's degrees...
Exactly.
So there are degrees of things,
so sounds to me
like you're safe.
I'm very much so,
Right. OK.
And I only give up power
to people who have earned it.
I don't, like...
because I don't...
You know, it's like
I don't give up power
to people who think that
I don't deserve power,
and, um, there's this
wonderful term I've heard
from another blind person
in the kink world.
She has this term called
nonconsensual age play,
which is what she calls it
when people on the street go,
"Oh, sweetie, honey,
let me help you,"
and treat her like
a little 5-year-old.
The thing is, she likes
to be treated like that
by the people in her life
that... that...
who respect her
as an adult and who are...
she's in kink
relationships with,
but when people
do it on the street,
she kind of wants to punch them
a little bit, you know?
Nonconsensual...
...sensual age play.
Age play.
I like that.
Age play is... is a kink term
which basically means,
like, being treated like a baby
or like a child, and...
I just... I really like
that power thing.
I really like that.
I really...
I am very curious to see
where... where you go with it.
Wallet,
retainer, headphone case.
That's all in there.
Actually, somebody
is meeting her at the gate,
so if someone could just
get her from security
to the gate, she'll be all set.
I just want to
say that I hope you
have the best of time
and that you get
to meet everybody
that you want to meet...
I hope so, too.
And I would wish you to
make a big impression,
but I already know you will.
Ha ha ha!
I love you.
Love you, too.
Where are you?
"In Spain."
Ha ha! "In Spain," she says.
She's here.
Ahh! Whoo whoo!
I was trying
to call you this week.
You called me twice.
Yes.
Both times, I was at work,
but I got your voice mails,
and both times, I tried
to call you back,
and you didn't answer your phone...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
So I figured you had
your ringer off or whatever,
I was busy. - so have a seat.
- Surprise! Oh, man, give me a hug.
I can't believe you're here.
Yes, you can.
I know, but when
you weren't here
to begin with, I was...
OK, so, um, uh...
so sit down.
Oh, boy, this is gonna be great.
OK, so I went to L.A.,
and, uh, basically,
everything's so spread out there
and the... and
the transportation
is not nearly as good
as I was told it was,
and it would be
really, really hard
for me to live there
independently
without someone to
drive me around...
and so I realized
that the... that,
I mean, I might not have
to give it up entirely...
I mean, there might
be opportunities
in the future... but
I am giving up acting,
and I'm not
moving to L.A.,
so that's what I have
to tell you guys,
and I'm sorry if you
guys all expected me
to come back and
tell you that I was
moving out in two months
and that everything
went amazingly,
but it really didn't.
Happy birthday,
dear Michelle
Happy birthday to you
Make a wish.
Yay!
She's staying. Yay.
Before I went to L.A.,
I kind of told everyone
in my life that it was a...
that it was a done deal
that I was gonna be living there
and that that was just it,
but it was just going to be
generally a lot more difficult
than I thought it was.
I saw a lot of cracks
in my plan,
so hypothetically,
I go out there,
give up everything
that I'm about, and become...
and... and... and try
to become an actor.
There's no guarantee that I'm
going to have success with that,
whereas I'm already
living my dream of being myself.
I'm already a kinkster.
I'm already a nerd.
I'm already pansexual.
I want to be able
to live on my own.
That doesn't necessarily mean
making gourmet meals.
I might still just be
a, you know,
microwave master chef,
but I want to know
that I have the capacity
to live on my own...
and I've realized that
I want to write
and be an activist
for women's rights,
for LGBT, and for kink awareness
and sex positivity,
and I think if I say something,
it might give the courage
to other people to say things
because they think, "Well,
if that young, blind woman"
can do it"... you know, because
people think in those terms
sometimes...
"if a blind girl can do it,
then I guess I can do it."
Miss...
Miss Beautiful.
How could you hear me?
I couldn't, but I just knew
it was Miss Beautiful.
Aww.
So my name is Michelle Smith.
This is "Unlearning Normal,"
a bit of a story about my life
and some people who have tried
to stand in my way.
Boo. All right.
Boo.
OK. Thank you.
When I was 17,
the head house parent
in my cottage, which is kind of
like a dorm but different,
she was kind of, uh,
let's just say, closed-minded.
She kind of had this idea
that when you're an adult,
you do very adult things,
and you don't like Hello Kitty,
so what I did was, I went home,
and I got all
of my Hello Kitty stuff
and brought it back
to school with me
and arranged it just so.
Whoo!
Whoo!
You know, there are gonna be
people in... in your life
who are gonna tell you that you
have to be a certain way
because your age, your gender,
your race,
your sexual orientation,
whatever, and I...
there's a wor... there's a word
for people like that.
They're called ass.
I mean, I'm... I'm a female.
I identify as female,
but I don't think about that
all the time.
I don't let my gender
or my age or my disability
or any other factor about me
that's just a fact...
I don't let that dictate
any other parts of who I am.
I just be me, and I feel like
that has made me more happy
than any popularity I ever got
being someone else.
Hi. What
brings you here?
Friends.
I'm here for pride.
I thought so. I know
a lot of people are.
Stop saying that.
You don't have to...
Yes, it is. I was supposed
to dress up for this.
It's not the end of
the world, Michelle.
It... it... it's symbolic
of the fact that
I'm not independent and
I can't take care of myself.
I can't see anybody
that really dresses up
too much to go to
Bangor Housing Authority
to fill out application
for housing, Michelle.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't pick out my own clothes.
I would've walked
out of the house
with a too-low-cut top and
short pants that don't fit me.
Should I have not said anything?
I'm saying that I was
just ready to walk
out the door in this.
I can't live by myself.
I can't survive.
Why are we even going
to the apartment place
if I can't even dress myself?
You get dressed
every day by yourself.
Obviously not today,
not when it count...
not when it matters.
Well, and I won't be far away.
I can't drive.
How am I gonna get...
come and see you every day
and make sure I'm OK?
How am I gonna be OK?
Do you want me to help
you find something else?
Yes.
You can still wear that sweater.
Just wear, like,
a different tank top
underneath it.
OK.
One thing you didn't
realize is that when you
turned sideways, your right...
Boob?
yes...
was really hanging out,
and you couldn't
tell that, Michelle.
I felt like this
was the test to see
if I was... that I could
be independent,
and I felt like I failed.
Do you think I can
really live by myself?
I really do.
I do, and I think
living close by
here in Bangor
for a little while
is... is the best way.
You know, that way, you have me,
the support system
that when things come up
that you're not sure of,
that you...
I really do... I really
do want to live
in an apartment in Bangor...
I really do... for
at least 6 months.
I really want it for you.
I love you, Mi.
Love you, too.
Oh...
Sorry I had to...
And then there's orientation
and... and
an apartment.
All right. Excellent.
Excellent.
Thank you so much.
You're very helpful.
Thank you. Have
a nice afternoon.
Something plastic.
Plastic.
Here. Do you want
a sippy cup?
I have one already.
Ha ha ha!
You're just goofy.
OK.
Michelle, voice-over: I feel
like at this point in my life,
I'm not the only one.
I'm not the only one
who loses their keys,
frantically looking for them,
probably way overreacting.
I know I'm not the only one...
Hi.
Hi, Josie.
How are you?
I'm great.
How are you?
Good.
Michelle, voice-over: and I'm
not the only one who wakes up
in the morning sometimes
and wonders,
"I wonder what everyone
thinks of me.
I wonder if everyone thinks
that... that I'm... I'm a failure."
You know, I know I'm not
the only one
who goes through bouts
of depression
when things change in their life
and they don't understand it.
I don't know
what's right
I don't know what's right
Michelle, voice-over: All of
these people could relate to me
in one way or another,
even if it's something small
or something that's big as,
"My parents got divorced
when I was 13 or 14."
"Oh, mine did, too," you know?
It doesn't matter if it's
a big thing or small thing.
Everyone can relate to each
other in one way or another,
and that's something
very beautiful.
It's good to think about
whenever you're thinking
that you're all alone
in the world,
and, trust me, if you think
you're all alone,
think about how many, you know,
billions of other people
think they're all alone...
6 billion, to be precise.
Ha ha ha!
Oh...
I know.
Oh, my goodness.
All your waking dreams
Were passing by
I don't know what's right
I don't know
what's right
All your laughing
All your bleeding
All the steps that
seem misleading
You walk with friends and
play like children
Travel high and
lose your sense of mind
I don't know what's right
Don't you
think lighting a candle
is kind of cliche?
What do you mean?
Everyone does that in movies.
"Concentrate on the candle.
Concentrate
on the flame."
It's works.
Really?
Have a candle.
I feel it's getting warmer.
Is this my imagination?
No, honey.
It's not... it's not lit.
I can't see anything.
I'll help you.
I'll talk you through it, OK?
- OK. - So here's the match...
- Oh, OK.
And the matchbox comes
with a striker on the side.
It... it's scary.
Yeah.
You just do this like that
and light on fire...
and harder.
I'm afraid of it.
Why are you afraid of it?
Because I'm afraid of fire.
Now hold on to the candle
with the other hand,
almost there, and you'll
see when it lights.
Up a little bit higher.
Now just keep it right there.
Keep your... keep your
match right there.
It'll light that on fire.
It's getting shorter
and shorter.
Yeah. Good.
Good. See?
When can I blow it out?
Want to blow it out now?
Daria, on computer:
I can't believe you're trying
to bribe me with singles.
Sweetie, it's not a bribe.
It's a deal. Honestly...
Oh, my God,
did I really just say that?
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I have the cutest,
little pores, don't I?
You really do.
I wish I had pores
like yours, Daria.
Michelle, voice-over: It's...
it's a freaking genius show.
It's a show about outcasts
that tells you
it's OK to be an outcast.
Make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls if
that's something you're into
When the...
Michelle, voice-over:
I've always felt
like I was not normal,
like I did not fit in.
First of all,
I am legally blind.
I cannot see your face
from this distance at all
unless I'm literally
almost nose to nose with you.
I forget that the camera's
over here, not up there. Ha ha!
Oh, crap.
Michelle, voice-over:
I have something called
Asperger syndrome,
otherwise known
as high-functioning autism.
It's that I get very obsessed
with things in my head,
and, um, like, it takes over
my brain, basically.
I'm a little surprised, Daria.
That makes two of us.
I didn't figure you to believe
in all that
mumbo-gumbo.
Gee...
I hope this
won't lower your opinion of me.
Ha ha ha!
La la la la la...
Michelle, voice-over: Basically,
my childhood, it was mostly
things that were...
quote, unquote... "normal"
for little girls to like,
but I liked them in the extreme.
Hello, Mumsy.
Hey, honey.
Um, smells like sandwiches.
Yeah. It's roast
beef and salami...
Ooh, yummy.
And... yes,
and tomatoes.
Michelle, voice-over: Nowadays,
I feel like I need to have
some tangible success
in my life.
What about, uh, banana peppers?
Top shelf on the right.
Oh.
Michelle, voice-over:
When I get up in the morning,
pour myself a cup of coffee
and think,
"OK. I'm going to work,"
and when I come home
in a evening, feel like I've...
you know, I've had a...
you know, a long,
fulfilling day
and I'm earning my money,
that... that feeling
that all kids want,
which is to be an adult.
Woman, voice-over:
Michelle was a very good baby.
She didn't cry a lot.
She did a lot of looking around,
and we didn't...
we didn't know until
she was 3 months old
that she even had
a vision problem.
Michelle, voice-over:
When I was in kindergarten,
my parents said, "If the kids
laugh at you, just ignore them,"
and I was thinking,
"Why would they laugh at me?"
Pick up the pace.
Well, this is an exciting day.
Huh huh!
What are you gonna do today?
I don't know, but
I'm a little nervous.
You are?
Yeah.
How are the first day of school?
Going back is a little
nervous, isn't it?
Yeah...
especially in fifth grade
because fifth grade...
Pump up...
Pump up the volume,
pump up volume
Pump up the volume,
dance, dance, dance
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Michelle, voice-over: I was
never popular in public school.
The kids'd literally be like,
"Ew, there's Michelle.
We're gonna catch her disease,"
and then just, like, run away.
That was probably the worst,
um, because I couldn't
see the faces people made,
but I could hear the words,
and that... that hurt the most.
I wasn't angry at them.
I didn't want to go punch them,
but it felt like emptiness.
Woman, on computer:
Hey, guys, it's Nik here,
and, as requested,
I'll be doing...
Michelle, voice-over:
When I'm on the computer,
I can see things,
for the most part,
the way the sighted world
see things,
and people talk to me online,
a lot of times,
they don't even know
that I'm blind,
and so I feel like it...
it equalizes me,
but then when I leave the house
and... and go out into the world,
it's not like that.
Hey, Mom, do you know what
happened to my backpack?
No.
Ohh...
Ohh...
uh...
Ohh!
Uh, can't find it, like, at all.
Wonderful. I didn't...
haven't gone anywhere.
I didn't left...
left the house.
No. I don't
see it anywhere.
Yeah. Yeah. I know.
Ohh...
You didn't go...
No.
I didn't go anywhere
for, like, a week.
I don't know what to do.
It isn't anywhere.
It's just nowhere.
Ohh...
This is my life.
Oh, why are you guys
still filming me?
I mean, there are
less than 4 things
I could think of
that could've happened.
And so what?
There it is.
Oh, my God.
I found it, and I'm so sorry
that I freaked out at you guys.
Michelle, voice-over: I want
to see all aspects of life.
Just because I'm legally blind
doesn't mean I have to miss out
on what the world has to offer.
This is Picture Day
Abbey Bominable.
Abbey Bominable is the daughter
of the Yeti,
and she's, like,
my favorite character
because she's really blunt,
plus she has a cool accent,
so 7, 6, and 4,
then 4, then two.
Michelle, voice-over: I want
to experience, you know, like,
working and... and romance
and partying and all that stuff,
going to bars, going to museums.
20, 21, 22, 23...
23 dolls.
Yay. I'm in doll heaven.
Michelle, voice-over: I'm ready
for the uncensored world...
you know what I mean?
Even the good, bad,
and the ugly...
so I went and got a job,
uh, working for this woman
and a, um... a post office,
and every Wednesday and Friday,
I would come in
and wash my hands and say,
"What do you want me to do?"
and I would do it.
I would do it to the best
of my abilities,
and sometimes I would get
a little nervous
and a little bit, "Oh, I feel
like I'm not doing this right."
I did all these little things,
apparently.
Like, I made excuses when
they said I did something wrong.
I freaked out.
I went into another room
and cried,
and then I got fired from it.
That's basically my first
job experience.
The really pathetic thing is
that it wasn't even a real job.
It was training.
I got fired during training.
Like, uh...
Julie, voice-over: The thought
that Michelle had was,
"If I can get fired from that,
where do I go from here?
What do I do now?"
Like when you wake up
behind the bar
Trying to remember
where you are
Julie, voice-over:
She certainly does feel
that the struggles and losses
in her life
have, um, helped define her.
Each and every one of you
has the talent
and the ability to create
your own life.
Know yourself and know
all the challenges you face
and don't put yourself
on the sidelines.
Not everybody's
gonna understand you
or see you as capable,
or, in some cases,
they may even pity you,
God forbid,
but you can't let that
stop you from being
the most important person
in your own world.
You know, all people
are great in their dreams.
The point that I want
for you guys
is to be important
in your own life,
not just in your dreams,
but in your real life,
you know, that it is,
in fact, up to you.
Perfect diploma
to Michelle Anne Smith.
Michelle, voice-over:
I'm gonna miss this place,
but in some ways I feel like
I've almost outgrown it.
I want to leave,
and I want to take on the world.
The world will be my burrito.
Hi, Fran. Hi, Maxwell.
Michelle, voice-over: I would
wake up, go on the computer,
take my meds, have some coffee,
go on the computer,
take a shower,
go on the computer,
but I've probably spent
an entire year in my room...
and... and now I'm...
I'm sort of feeling
like I'm ready to step out again
into the world
and... and be social.
I am not alone
I am not alone
I am
not alone
I am
Thank you so much.
That was fun.
Julie, voice-over: It's been
really hard for Michelle
to find a job
that she's able to do.
They're just not out there
here in Bangor,
and I don't think there's
gonna be a lot of employers
that are going
to give her the chance
because she's going to need
a lot of assistance
and a lot of time.
I don't know if, you know,
someone has the patience
for that
or if she has the patience
in herself for that.
I'm cold, and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake, and I can see
the perfect sky is torn
And don't forget to wish
Michelle a happy birthday,
2-1 birthday right here.
How'd I do?
Whoo!
You rocked it.
Yours is the birthday, honey?
Happy birthday.
You can sing so beautiful.
Thank you.
Aw, I'm gonna cry.
You can.
I, um... I actually...
You sing better than me.
I... I can't...
I can't see the screen.
I'm legally blind,
so any more...
any song that I know
I have to memorize
all the words to, so, uh...
I know that, honey.
You're amazing.
Aw, thank you so much.
Keep it up.
You do a great job.
I found out about an opportunity
that I think would be
really amazing for you.
The guy that created
the "Rugrats"...
do you know that cartoon?
I very well know it.
Um, he would really love
to have you be an intern
there in Los Angeles
either this summer
or this fall if you
would be interested.
I'm shaking.
I'm gonna sit down.
I... I... uh, are you sure
I'm not dreaming?
What would he want me
to do as, like, an intern?
Does... he knows I'm blind,
right? Like...
He knows you're blind.
OK.
Maybe you would get
to voice characters.
Oh, my God, do you know
how much I want to be
a voice actor since I was,
like, a little, little kid?
Oh, my goodness.
Ha ha ha!
I don't really have
the money to really be...
I... I live on SSI
right now, so...
We want to work with you
to figure it out.
And I'd... yes.
What?
Seriously.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
No.
I'm not even...
No. Your...
your mom...
your mom doesn't
want to lose you.
Wow. Ha ha!
Yeah.
Honey, that's awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Crazy.
I know. Yeah.
It's crazy talk.
Yeah. I know.
That's awesome, honey.
Are you really considering it?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah. I really am.
It's, like, my...
my big break.
He wants me
to come to L.A.
and live in L.A.
and be a voice actor,
be his intern
and do voice acting.
Oh, wow.
That's really big.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna move to L.A.
sometime in January.
Well, uh, congratulations.
Thank you.
Maybe I might even do,
like, some singing and stuff.
I might even do some,
like, screen acting.
I really don't...
I really don't know.
Think you'll just
stay out there?
You think you'll come
back home and visit?
I don't know. I'm...
I'm probably gonna
come back home and visit,
definitely, but...
So if we want to see you,
we're gonna have
to come see you?
Uh, yeah.
Come visit me. Heh.
That's big news.
Mm-hmm.
In some ways, it's
a little bit scary.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. I'll be
stressing about things.
"Oh, my gosh, she's gonna
forget to do this,"
or, "She's... you know,
she's gonna"
"be listening to her headphones
or something on the bus
and miss her bus stop,"
or, you know, stuff like that.
Migliozzi, voice-over:
It sounds kind of crazy.
Uh, the woman from
the Communications Department
is going on her own time.
This isn't
a Perkins-sponsored event.
The cold reality of it is,
there's just a lot of pieces
that have to be put in place...
the transportation,
where are you gonna
get the food,
do you know anybody
to live with,
uh, if something goes wrong,
where the support's gonna be.
You know, I don't want her
to be crushed,
and we don't want it
to fall apart.
I don't want that
for Michelle...
Hopefully, I won't get
fired from this one.
Well, you'll always
be awesome to us.
Yep.
Migliozzi, voice-over: but I
also always tell my students,
the future is theirs, and
this is what she wants to do.
It just seems like there's just
not enough in place here
to make me say that, you know,
I can give my blessing
to what's going on.
Julie, voice-over: Emotionally,
I think it would be
a huge setback for her
if it didn't work out,
and it would take her a while
to get back on track...
you know?
Well, guess
who's coming to dinner.
Hello.
Hey, how are you?
I'm doing well.
Well, good.
I love the new glasses.
Thank you.
Come on in.
Ah, this place
smells like nostalgia.
Julie, voice-over: Lori Spencer
was Michelle's
Division of the Blind teacher.
I'm very appreciative of what,
you know, Lori did for Michelle,
but she kind of had
low expectations of Michelle.
I came here
because I want to, uh,
for lack of a better word,
um, confront you
on some things,
but I want you to know
that you were... you were
a great teacher to me
in a lot of ways.
You taught me, and...
and I... I think that now
I can sort of, uh, talk to you.
OK.
Um, I think a lot
of people who work
with people with
disabilities don't really...
they tend to think
that our pers... certain...
certain personality
quirks that aren't
considered "normal"
are just a side effect
of our disability that
needs to be changed
and fixed, and our individuality
is not considered as important
as someone without a disability
because a lot of it
is considered, like,
a side effect of our disability.
"Oh, she doesn't know
that it's weird
to like to collect dolls
when she's 21"...
which I do, like,
collect dolls...
and it's like, no,
I know that people
are gonna think it's weird,
but it's who I am,
and I feel like other
people's ignorance
should not be my burden to bear.
I should be able to be myself.
I'm not hurting anyone,
and there's so many people
who are trained to work
with people with disabilities
telling me, "You will
never be a real adult."
People are always gonna talk
to you like you're a child,"
and so when we were
at that meeting and I said,
"Is there any way
I could get a new cane,
"or is there anywhere
that I can go
to get a new cane,"
I wasn't telling him,
"Get me a cane now,"
and then you went,
"Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh,"
that was, like,
the final straw in my head
of all the condescension
and patronizing stuff,
and so, yeah,
I kind of blew up at you,
and I know I prob...
I probably could've dealt
with it better,
but it just kind of, like,
was the final straw for me.
OK, and... and I will...
I will just tell you
where I'm coming from
because I certainly
didn't mean to hurt
your feelings.
Um, it's...
it's not you.
It's the autism speaking,
and so I don't take
anything personally.
Spencer, voice-over: Her world
is so small, the knowledge
that she is lacking
between the vision loss
and not seeing everything
that goes on
but then also because
of the autism...
that neurological, mental,
whatever you want to call it...
she doesn't get it,
and that's why I don't see her
as being totally independent.
I just don't.
It feels like she
looks at your condition
in black or white.
You're either
perfectly independent
and you know everything
or you don't know anything
and are not capable
of living alone.
Yeah.
No, but that's
what's being insinuated,
and I don't... and I don't
really appreciate it.
That's... that's
what you're reading into it,
and we've... and we've had
this conversation many times.
It's not...
You're not...
you're not going to
convince me that I...
that I should go and
go to basketball games.
I know it sounds rude
because I know Jordn's,
like, in it and
everything, but...
Jordn gets a lot
of playing time now.
Like, he's the starter.
I can't tell who
is he out there.
You never tried to
convince me to do...
to go to any sport...
any sporting events
for, like, the last
5 years of my life,
and I don't think
that makes me...
I don't think that
makes me a bad person.
It's not about making
you a bad person.
It's just supporting
your brother.
I'm not saying at all
that, hey, you should
become a sports fan because...
Imagine if you can...
if... if all you can do
is hear, rrr!,
squeak, squeak,
squeak, squeak,
squeak, aah!,
people screaming, and
you... there's no input.
It's just loud, loud,
offending sounds
to your ears and you
have to sit there
for two hours on a hard bench
listening to that while
everyone around you
is all excited and you
just feel left out
and slightly uncomfortable
and you feel like
you're supposed to feel
like you're supportive
but you don't.
That's the rest of us, too.
That's the rest of your group?
Oh, OK. The rest
with them.
They're with them.
Wow.
Because you guys
are all set, OK?
You're all set.
Oh, my God.
Hey, you.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Yeah.
And at center, a junior,
number 52... Jordn Smith.
All right, Jordn!
Now introducing the
home team for tonight's game...
your Bucksport Golden Bucks.
Starting at guard, senior,
number 4... Josh Gray.
Whose broad stripes
and bright stars
Through the perilous...
Here we go! Whoo!
"Hello. There are a few things
I need to get out of the way"
"before I start prattling on
about myself and my interests."
"I'm legally blind, and I have
Asperger syndrome.
"This has seriously
turned some people off.
"Some people have
the misconception that,
"because I have
dis... disabilities,
"that means I can't consent.
"I'm actually a very fun,
friendly, accepting,
"and... and approachable person.
"I'm curious about all kinds
of age play...
"sexual, nonsexual, dark,
light and fluffy, and more.
"When I first got into
this lifestyle,
"I was convinced that no one
would want to play
"with some blind chick.
I'm so happy I was wrong."
Now, this is a word
you never say.
Michelle, voice-over:
This... this is my first
real relationship as an adult.
Really, I can't see it.
Can you see this, too?
I still can't see it.
How about now?
Michelle, voice-over: It's very
sort of special relationship,
and, um, it's kind of hard
to explain it.
"Fluff shoes"?
"F... fuddlesh..."
Oh, "fiddlesticks."
"Fuddle shoes"?
Ha ha ha!
"Fuddle shoes."
Michelle, voice-over: We're both
very, very open-minded.
It's... it's a great feeling.
It really is.
"Fuddle shoe."
Ha ha ha!
That's the best thing ever.
Want to do rock,
paper, scissors?
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Dang it.
Yay.
I get to go first.
Whoo! OK.
You're gonna find some
really weird stuff in there.
OK. Oh, it's a train.
It's a train.
Oh, my goodness, it's a train.
Oh, which train?
Rheneas!
Yes.
Yay! Rheneas!
Here we go, here
we go, here we go.
No, we don't,
no, we don't
No, we don't, don't, don't
All right. There's
one more thing
in the bottom, and it
feels kind of heavy.
That... that one
will require
a little bit of context.
Oh, my goodness, what...
Oh, you...
you found it.
Ay, oh, is it a flogger?
It is.
Oh, my goodness.
Hang on. It looks
a little crooked.
Let me try to straighten it out.
No. You're just
going to...
you're just going to
hit... hit me with it.
Yeah. I...
Thank you.
Michelle, voice-over:
Ooh, BDSM, it's, like,
uh, this taboo thing.
There are lots of different ways
that people choose to be
dominant or submissive.
I sort of see it
as an adventure.
It's not about, like, abuse
or anything like that.
It's about you hand over
your free will.
You hand o... you have
so much trust in that person
that you... you can hand over
your free will to them and say,
"You are now in control of me,"
and it's... it's very liberating,
and it's very amazing feeling.
Some people might be like,
"Ew, that's weird.
That's gross,"
but it's really not.
It's an alternative lifestyle.
It's a different kind
of relationship.
It's very special to us.
What are we gonna do
about L.A., Michelle?
Like, I would just kill
to just drop everything,
go out to L.A.,
pursue my dreams
as a computer scientist-
slash-voice actor, but...
Um, cat. Cat.
I, uh...
Kitty.
Ah!
Ooh! Sorry.
Ooh! Uh, cat...
The... the way
I see it is, um,
it's so far away and our
relationship is so new
that we can't say for definite,
but we're hoping
to move to L.A.
Hopefully, that works out
the way I want it to.
Uh, I need more hangers.
Then again, I have a lot
of jeans on those hangers
that I never wear
and that don't fit me,
so there are options.
What are you looking
under my bed for?
That's not something
you should be seeing.
I was worried you'd
find those one day.
Honey, it's about to be...
It looks like a strap to a...
I thought you'd...
I thought you'd
noticed them before
and just ignored them.
Them what? It's a strap
to a suitcase.
No, it's not.
OK. That's...
Do you seriously
want to know what it is?
No...
OK.
I didn't think you did.
But to me, I didn't
find anything.
It looks like a strap
to a suitcase to me.
It's not.
OK.
Today we are going
to a BDSMcentric munch.
It's like
the "Fifty Shade of Grey" stuff.
It's where people who like
to be tied up and beaten
or tying up
and doing the beating,
like, go to meet, hang out,
oh, talk about stuff.
Michelle, every time
she goes into little mode...
i.e., the baby... I have to take
the role of the daddy...
Bada bing, bada boom.
Michael, voice-over: which means
I have to, uh, basically
take care of my...
my little girl,
like, whether it be
play with her nonsexually.
You can believe it or not,
but I'm still trying
to dip my toe into it, so
there's a lot I have to learn.
Will you open the jar up for me?
Mm-hmm.
We... we need to get, like,
the jar-opener thing.
I knew you'd like it.
OK.
Item one... the switch.
That'll be good for when
you're really, really bad...
or if I just feel like using it.
Guess which one I'm probably
gonna go with today.
I don't even have to guess.
I'm usually not that bad.
I'm usually a good, little girl.
Ooh, the flogger...
nice little...
little, spiky thing.
Yes?
Hello.
Hello.
Howdy, howdy.
How you guys doing?
Not too bad...
Getting ready.
Beautiful Sunday morning.
Getting ready?
Saturday.
Getting ready for what?
We're getting ready
for the... the partytytyt.
We're gonna run into our
friend Caitlyn down there.
She'll... she's gonna
buy us a present.
Mm-hmm.
What?
You really got to stop
using names, you know?
Heh heh.
That's right.
Whew...
So is there anything
special going on?
What's...
what are you guys...
what are you guys
gonna be doing?
Well, it's gonna be...
like, it's sort of...
sort of like a costume party,
but not like Halloween
costumes, more like...
Like, what's the...
what's the theme of...
Well, you know, it's a...
well, it's, you know...
it's a... it's a BDSM
and kink and fetish group.
Hmm.
I was nervous to tell you,
but there was also
a part of mind
that says, "If she finds
restraints on my bed"
"or a flogger in my closet,
I don't want her to
assume the worst."
Yeah.
I know that this
makes you uncomfortable,
but I also... I feel like
if I didn't tell you,
it would make things
more uncomfortable.
And I trust you in your...
your intuition
and your... your ability
to express yourself and what
you are comfortable with
and what you're not
comfortable with
and not let people
take advantage of you.
Ever, ever.
Yes, so...
but, yeah, I don't...
I don't go there in my mind...
And that's...
that's good.
You know, I... I don't...
I don't want...
because you're my...
my little girl and...
I know. I know,
and I don't... I don't...
see things from my point
of view, too,
a little bit, so...
Michelle, voice-over:
We went over to a party
in their house,
which is sort of in a secluded,
undisclosed location.
It was starting to get dark,
and people were starting
to show up in droves.
We went downstairs
to the basement,
which is where
the big sitting area is
and also the dungeon,
and I was wearing a little skirt
and a little shirt
with nothing under it
except for a diaper,
or dider, depending on
how old I am in my head
when I say it.
It's just in case,
but I'm a big girl.
I can go to the potty.
I had hot dogs for dinner
and Oreos.
They actually called me
little girl and asked me,
"What are you drawing?
Oh, it's a cat.
What does a cay say?"
and, you know,
"You're so cute,"
and things like that.
This girl came over
who was in puppy mode.
She was barking and stuff
on all fours,
and she wanted to cuddle
with us,
and she really, like,
you know...
she was being really cuddly
with me.
Baby, don't cry
Oh, my darling
You're a dying red star
Michelle, voice-over:
It was very wonderful.
Darling...
How are you feeling?
Light. I feel light
and floated,
divine almost.
Feel like I'm
on top of the world.
Boop. That's how
you're supposed...
that's how... that's
a good way to feel.
I shouldn't say
that's how you're
supposed to feel,
but that's definitely
a good way to feel after one
of these kinds of parties.
Michelle, you were great today.
Yeah.
"Men and women
indoor pool."
Yes, for men and women.
What about people
who are nonbinary?
Can't they swim, too?
Oh, my goodness,
it feels so warm,
it's like bath water warm.
I don't believe you.
Aah! I didn't know
there was another step.
Ha ha!
I seriously, like, was telling
my friend Sam about you.
Mm-hmm.
I told him about all
these different things.
You've got, like,
a great personality
You are... you're
really funny.
She's sexy.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha!
It wasn't until
he made a joke like,
"Why would she date you?
Is she blind or something?"
I'm like, "Oh, yeah.
She's blind."
Ha ha ha!
1, 2, 3, cannonball!
Uh!
She's
the one for me
And I just can't
live without her
My arms belong
around her
I'm so glad I found
her once again
I'm going toward the bottom.
Yeah?
I am.
Oh, I'm...
I'll follow you.
I don't care
what you do. Ha!
Well, I'll... I'll do
whatever you do, Miss Suzy.
Ha ha! OK.
Where are you in the...
in the world right now?
What is it that you're...
Um, well,
I'm not really doing much,
but I'm... that's
gonna change soon.
Right.
I'm...
I... I'm kind of living
with my mom right now,
and I was living
in some isolation,
hardly ever going out.
I didn't really have any friends
except for this one community
that I was involved in.
I... I was just...
So what's this community
that you were talking about?
Uh, this has been...
this is going on
in my head far before
I graduated, uh, high...
Perkins, but I knew
I couldn't get involved.
I wanted to get involved
with the BDSM community,
so when I moved to Maine,
I did get involved,
and I found extreme happiness,
catharsis, and freedom
through that community.
OK, so, uh, I mean, I'm...
I'm not... I'm not,
uh, shocked
or appalled or anything.
I mean, I...
I don't know
a lot about that community.
I know enough to include it
in my sex ed.
discussions,
and people have very different
opinions about it.
You know, everything's
on a continuum,
so there's degrees...
Exactly.
So there are degrees of things,
so sounds to me
like you're safe.
I'm very much so,
Right. OK.
And I only give up power
to people who have earned it.
I don't, like...
because I don't...
You know, it's like
I don't give up power
to people who think that
I don't deserve power,
and, um, there's this
wonderful term I've heard
from another blind person
in the kink world.
She has this term called
nonconsensual age play,
which is what she calls it
when people on the street go,
"Oh, sweetie, honey,
let me help you,"
and treat her like
a little 5-year-old.
The thing is, she likes
to be treated like that
by the people in her life
that... that...
who respect her
as an adult and who are...
she's in kink
relationships with,
but when people
do it on the street,
she kind of wants to punch them
a little bit, you know?
Nonconsensual...
...sensual age play.
Age play.
I like that.
Age play is... is a kink term
which basically means,
like, being treated like a baby
or like a child, and...
I just... I really like
that power thing.
I really like that.
I really...
I am very curious to see
where... where you go with it.
Wallet,
retainer, headphone case.
That's all in there.
Actually, somebody
is meeting her at the gate,
so if someone could just
get her from security
to the gate, she'll be all set.
I just want to
say that I hope you
have the best of time
and that you get
to meet everybody
that you want to meet...
I hope so, too.
And I would wish you to
make a big impression,
but I already know you will.
Ha ha ha!
I love you.
Love you, too.
Where are you?
"In Spain."
Ha ha! "In Spain," she says.
She's here.
Ahh! Whoo whoo!
I was trying
to call you this week.
You called me twice.
Yes.
Both times, I was at work,
but I got your voice mails,
and both times, I tried
to call you back,
and you didn't answer your phone...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
So I figured you had
your ringer off or whatever,
I was busy. - so have a seat.
- Surprise! Oh, man, give me a hug.
I can't believe you're here.
Yes, you can.
I know, but when
you weren't here
to begin with, I was...
OK, so, um, uh...
so sit down.
Oh, boy, this is gonna be great.
OK, so I went to L.A.,
and, uh, basically,
everything's so spread out there
and the... and
the transportation
is not nearly as good
as I was told it was,
and it would be
really, really hard
for me to live there
independently
without someone to
drive me around...
and so I realized
that the... that,
I mean, I might not have
to give it up entirely...
I mean, there might
be opportunities
in the future... but
I am giving up acting,
and I'm not
moving to L.A.,
so that's what I have
to tell you guys,
and I'm sorry if you
guys all expected me
to come back and
tell you that I was
moving out in two months
and that everything
went amazingly,
but it really didn't.
Happy birthday,
dear Michelle
Happy birthday to you
Make a wish.
Yay!
She's staying. Yay.
Before I went to L.A.,
I kind of told everyone
in my life that it was a...
that it was a done deal
that I was gonna be living there
and that that was just it,
but it was just going to be
generally a lot more difficult
than I thought it was.
I saw a lot of cracks
in my plan,
so hypothetically,
I go out there,
give up everything
that I'm about, and become...
and... and... and try
to become an actor.
There's no guarantee that I'm
going to have success with that,
whereas I'm already
living my dream of being myself.
I'm already a kinkster.
I'm already a nerd.
I'm already pansexual.
I want to be able
to live on my own.
That doesn't necessarily mean
making gourmet meals.
I might still just be
a, you know,
microwave master chef,
but I want to know
that I have the capacity
to live on my own...
and I've realized that
I want to write
and be an activist
for women's rights,
for LGBT, and for kink awareness
and sex positivity,
and I think if I say something,
it might give the courage
to other people to say things
because they think, "Well,
if that young, blind woman"
can do it"... you know, because
people think in those terms
sometimes...
"if a blind girl can do it,
then I guess I can do it."
Miss...
Miss Beautiful.
How could you hear me?
I couldn't, but I just knew
it was Miss Beautiful.
Aww.
So my name is Michelle Smith.
This is "Unlearning Normal,"
a bit of a story about my life
and some people who have tried
to stand in my way.
Boo. All right.
Boo.
OK. Thank you.
When I was 17,
the head house parent
in my cottage, which is kind of
like a dorm but different,
she was kind of, uh,
let's just say, closed-minded.
She kind of had this idea
that when you're an adult,
you do very adult things,
and you don't like Hello Kitty,
so what I did was, I went home,
and I got all
of my Hello Kitty stuff
and brought it back
to school with me
and arranged it just so.
Whoo!
Whoo!
You know, there are gonna be
people in... in your life
who are gonna tell you that you
have to be a certain way
because your age, your gender,
your race,
your sexual orientation,
whatever, and I...
there's a wor... there's a word
for people like that.
They're called ass.
I mean, I'm... I'm a female.
I identify as female,
but I don't think about that
all the time.
I don't let my gender
or my age or my disability
or any other factor about me
that's just a fact...
I don't let that dictate
any other parts of who I am.
I just be me, and I feel like
that has made me more happy
than any popularity I ever got
being someone else.
Hi. What
brings you here?
Friends.
I'm here for pride.
I thought so. I know
a lot of people are.
Stop saying that.
You don't have to...
Yes, it is. I was supposed
to dress up for this.
It's not the end of
the world, Michelle.
It... it... it's symbolic
of the fact that
I'm not independent and
I can't take care of myself.
I can't see anybody
that really dresses up
too much to go to
Bangor Housing Authority
to fill out application
for housing, Michelle.
That's what I'm saying.
I can't pick out my own clothes.
I would've walked
out of the house
with a too-low-cut top and
short pants that don't fit me.
Should I have not said anything?
I'm saying that I was
just ready to walk
out the door in this.
I can't live by myself.
I can't survive.
Why are we even going
to the apartment place
if I can't even dress myself?
You get dressed
every day by yourself.
Obviously not today,
not when it count...
not when it matters.
Well, and I won't be far away.
I can't drive.
How am I gonna get...
come and see you every day
and make sure I'm OK?
How am I gonna be OK?
Do you want me to help
you find something else?
Yes.
You can still wear that sweater.
Just wear, like,
a different tank top
underneath it.
OK.
One thing you didn't
realize is that when you
turned sideways, your right...
Boob?
yes...
was really hanging out,
and you couldn't
tell that, Michelle.
I felt like this
was the test to see
if I was... that I could
be independent,
and I felt like I failed.
Do you think I can
really live by myself?
I really do.
I do, and I think
living close by
here in Bangor
for a little while
is... is the best way.
You know, that way, you have me,
the support system
that when things come up
that you're not sure of,
that you...
I really do... I really
do want to live
in an apartment in Bangor...
I really do... for
at least 6 months.
I really want it for you.
I love you, Mi.
Love you, too.
Oh...
Sorry I had to...
And then there's orientation
and... and
an apartment.
All right. Excellent.
Excellent.
Thank you so much.
You're very helpful.
Thank you. Have
a nice afternoon.
Something plastic.
Plastic.
Here. Do you want
a sippy cup?
I have one already.
Ha ha ha!
You're just goofy.
OK.
Michelle, voice-over: I feel
like at this point in my life,
I'm not the only one.
I'm not the only one
who loses their keys,
frantically looking for them,
probably way overreacting.
I know I'm not the only one...
Hi.
Hi, Josie.
How are you?
I'm great.
How are you?
Good.
Michelle, voice-over: and I'm
not the only one who wakes up
in the morning sometimes
and wonders,
"I wonder what everyone
thinks of me.
I wonder if everyone thinks
that... that I'm... I'm a failure."
You know, I know I'm not
the only one
who goes through bouts
of depression
when things change in their life
and they don't understand it.
I don't know
what's right
I don't know what's right
Michelle, voice-over: All of
these people could relate to me
in one way or another,
even if it's something small
or something that's big as,
"My parents got divorced
when I was 13 or 14."
"Oh, mine did, too," you know?
It doesn't matter if it's
a big thing or small thing.
Everyone can relate to each
other in one way or another,
and that's something
very beautiful.
It's good to think about
whenever you're thinking
that you're all alone
in the world,
and, trust me, if you think
you're all alone,
think about how many, you know,
billions of other people
think they're all alone...
6 billion, to be precise.
Ha ha ha!
Oh...
I know.
Oh, my goodness.
All your waking dreams
Were passing by
I don't know what's right
I don't know
what's right
All your laughing
All your bleeding
All the steps that
seem misleading
You walk with friends and
play like children
Travel high and
lose your sense of mind
I don't know what's right