Beware the Gonzo (2010) Movie Script
In the past week
I ruined my chance to go to college
I lost all my friends
I almost ruined my parents' marriage
The one girl l ever cared about will
probably never talk to me again
I also got my face kicked in
But...
after everything I've done
I probably got off easy
You believed in me
and I betrayed you all
Amy
I want you on band try-outs and theater auditions
It's Pippin this year, right?
Great show... Jules
I need you on the student parking permits
Please, they confuse the hell out of everybody
Can you do that for me?
There's a new cafeteria policy.
Due to last year's brawl at McDonald's
Nobody's allowed off school grounds for lunch
Not even the seniors.
We're stuck inside all year
That sucks
It's okay. I'm gonna do an op ed on that
Gonna interview the principal
it's obviously a hot-button issue
Kev, what do you got, bud?
Football and wrestling previews, Gav. And
I'd love to do a feature on the state wrestling champ
at a hundred sixty eight pounds
who happens to be you
Alright. Well you'll probably
gonna want photos with that
so meet me in the gym after school
I'll let you shoot me in my tux
I got a sports story
but it ain't no goddamn puff piece
It's gonna be in 2-inch type
right underneath the masthead
steroids
good to see you, Gilman
Steroids, huh?
I'm gonna go undercover on the
football team as assistant equipment manager
blow the lid right off this bitch
I'm gonna find out who's juicing,
where they got the stuff
What evidence do you have that anyone's using steroids?
Statistics
It's an epidemic now on the high school level
the high school football team went 2 and 12 last year
nobody cares enough to cheat
maybe they don't wanna go 2 and 12 this year
ever think about that?
It's a ridiculous reach. Forget it.
At least read the data
I don't need to read the data. Thanks.
Who are you trying to protect?
Cough if up, Riley.
How far up does this thing go?
Take it easy, Oliver Stone. I just don't want you
bugging my friends with your bullshit
Okay, guys. These stories are due Friday.
You can just e-mail them to me, alright?
Okay, we table the steroids thing.
What am I gonna do?
You beat me out for editor, Riley,
but I still need to make my mark this year
First of all, Gilman, take a giant step back
You're in my area. We discussed this
Okay
Why don't you just do a
simple 'back to school' piece?
'Another year dawns on Parker Prep'
whatever just
make sure you include the
changes on the academic calendar
Back to school piece
it's simple, it's elegant
I'll really to put my finger on
the pulse of the student body
Yes. Fine. Look, if it's good enough,
I'll even put it on the cover
Just don't get carried away
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Another year dawns, let's talk about it
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Do you have one minute?
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears...
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears for the new year?
I hope that you get out of my face
and I fear that you will not.
- Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. I was hoping
- No
- Can I quote you on that?
-No
Got her digits, man. Damn, she's hot.
My friend, Rob. You will have to
undress that girl with a small crane
You've no vision, Gonzo. Okay that girl loses
this much baby fat, she'll have the sweetest ass in the entire school
- And I will be leading the ground floor
- Hmm..interesting.
- You working on a story?
- Undercover. I told you.
- 2-inch type
- right underneath the mast head.
- Hi, Rob.
- Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back.
- This is gonna be such a good year.
- Dude, she's like the elephant man
- You're the Don Juan of the physically-deformed
- Don't hate, okay?
-Please, you're better than that.
-Guys, come quick. It's Schneeman.
Bastards! How can you all just stand there?
Schneeman, I'm coming!
-Third year in a row. My underwear is about to rip...
-I know, I know. Don't try to talk right now
I'm gonna have to lift you... gently
Got it. Come on down. Here we go.
here...we... go.
You okay, Schneeman?
Did they do this to you?
Gavin Riley wasn't there
- Listen Schneeman. This isn't gonna happen again
-I know.
- That is the last time I wear underwear to school
- No, that's not what I mean
Okay you geniuses, here's your reminder
The submission deadline for the
Van Buren price is October 20th
This is the most prestigious history
award in the country
Parker Prep has had two previous winners
Gavin's two older brothers -Marcus and Shawn.
- Are you gonna continue the family dynasty?
- They'll disown me if I don't.
Well you're gonna have some tough competition
this year. Isn't that right, Mr. Shneeman?
Okay, back to Napoleon...
another man who had his eyes on the price
namely, the military domination of Europe...
Another year dawns on Parker Prep,
the 150th in the school history
For most students, it's a time to set goals
both academic and personal
a time to dream when everything seems possible
For others, however, school is already a
waking nightmare, a hellish abyss
where bullies prey sadistically on the weak.
unpunished, their victims, too afraid to identify.
- Hey
- Hey, how was the meeting? Did you settle?
And a hearty good evening to you, Diane.
No, we did not settle
- In fact, they threw the whole thing out.
- What?
Okay, so what happens now?
You don't get paid?
- You've been working on this case for 6 months.
- That's the high stake world of personal injury law.
Arthur, c'mon. This has got to stop.
You need to start getting compensated for your time.
and I'm talking about actual money
I'm not talking about Fernando working
off your fee by doing the hedges
or king Popi giving you that car
truck thingie with the boat attachment
That's an 87 El Camino, babe. It's a chariot
Look, I know how hard it is for you to say no
but you're not working pro-bono at LegalAid anymore
-This job is supposed to pay
- Di, I'm taking every case I can possibly take
I'm taking criminal, divorce, liability
I'm practically chasing ambulances down the street.
What else do you want me to do?
No money, no work. It's very simple
- Where's the boy?
- He's in his room. Eddie, dinner!
I call for a boycott on all boys'
varsity sports events
until the culprits step forward
and take responsibility for their actions
we can no longer let this aggression stand
-What? I'm working.
-Dinner's ready.
-I'll eat later. I'm on a roll
Hey mom?
Can you just grab me a Red Bull?
Rob, do me a favor and read it aloud
"Another year dawns on Parker Prep
The 150th in the school history"
"For most students, it's a time to set
goals both academic and personal"
"a time to dream when everything seems possible."
- Keep going.
- That is the end of the article.
-No, it's not. It's continued on another page or something.
-I don't think so. There's a period there.
What's the matter, Gilman?
It's on the cover, isn't it?
- You cut the whole thing?
You had no right to do that!
- I told you what I wanted and that's what I printed.
You're just protecting your neanderthal friends.
It's the same reason you tabled my steroids story.
- That's not what a newspaper is for!
- You're in my area, Gilman. I'm warning you.
A newspaper is for everybody.
It's a public trust!
- I told the truth in that article.
- Back off, freak! I'm serious.
You think this is just gonna go away?
That this is just gonna be over?
We're still gonna get justice for
Schneeman, Riley. You can't stop us!
No justice, no peace!
No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!
It's gonna be a nightmare, Riley.
You think you can challenge me, huh?
You're out of your league. Nobody
cares what you think. You understand that?
You better watch your back.
Are you out of your mind?
I thought you wanted to go to Columbia for Journalism.
How is getting kicked off the
paper one week into school gonna help?
You know there are students with 4.0 averages,
who spend their summers workign with lepers in India
who have a hard time getting into college
What the hell are you gonna do?
-This was your one extra-curricular selling point.
-Mom, one notch, okay? Do me a favor?
- Oh, am I being shrill
-Yes
I'm sorry. It's just that we're killing ourselves
to put you into this fancy private school
you have to hold up your end
I'm a victim of injustice, mother.
What do you want me to do?
Why don't you apologize?
Get back on the paper.
- Apologize?
- Yeah
I will never apologize to Gavin Riley.
I'll say that right now.
I'd rather die on my feet
than live on my knees.
"Die on my feet, live on my knees."
That's pretty good. Did I just make that up?
- Zapata. Emiliano Zapata. Mexican revolutionary.
Is that all you have to say?
Have you even read this, Diane?
He's standing up for the underdog.
Can't believe they'd cut a word of this
-I hope you're sending this to the dean at Columbia.
-Oh yeah, I send everything I write to Dean Herbert
No response yet but I know he'll respect my stand
Thanks, Arthur. That's very helpful
- I love you very much.
-[phone rings] Hello. This is she.
Yeah, I'm showing it a week from Tuesday.
Your mother's right.
We have sacrificed a lot.
Small things like dignity and
a sense of shame but
for me this isn't about getting into college.
It's about how far you're willing to go.
There's always gonna be some
asshole standing in your way
If there's something you need to do,
you have to find a way to do it.
-Alright?
-Yeah.
Don't you have any pride...
as a professional?
I don't cook this crap. I just serve it.
Great. What do you recommend? The stew?
Mac n' cheese?
Not the mac 'n cheese either
what about this vienna sausage that
looks pretty tasty. Is there anything...?
Well, man. I can't really eat saltines all year.
Just give me one of those sandwiches.
Russian roulette, bro.
Oh man, sloppy joe. Excellent.
Let me get some of that. Mmm
So what are you gonna do about Riley?
Sit down
It's not just that they cut my article,
or the heinous way they defiled Schneeman
We've been going to this school for three years
and it's like we've never even existed
This year was supposed to be different, remember?
Two weeks in they've got their feet
on our necks already? No way!
We're gonna start a fucking revolution in this place.
- How are we going to do that?
- With a newspaper.
With our own underground newspaper
Screw Gavin Riley!
Gavin Riley owns this place.
He'll crush us like bugs.
He's just a man, Schneeman.
He's got strengths and weaknesses
like anyone else.
Too many narcs in here. Let's meet
at the usual place, okay? After school.
There are only 10 people in this school
that anybody knows or cares about.
I'm gonna write about everyone else
"The unsung heroes of Parker Prep"
That's my idea.
Alright. Anybody else?
Any ideas? Anybody?
Rob, why don't you do
something on that mutant harem of yours?
-That'll be a real killer.
-Yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool.
Great. Rob. Mutant harem...
Ming. C'mon. What do you got?
Well...
Nobody even thinks I can speak English
so they blab their whole lives in front
of me like I'm not even there
Some of these girls you wouldn't believe
They act like they're so perfect
But I see every single flaw
Ridiculous clothes and hideous hair
And they're just awful terrible people
Spoiled two-faced back-stabbers.
Those godless whores
It's all I can do not to vomit
or scream at their faces
I just wanna like rip out their hair
Sometimes I take pictures of them
with my camera phone
It's my dream of showing the world the truth
Wouldn't it be funny to see them cry tears
boohoohoo...
boohoohoohoo
So like a gossip column?
Are you talking about doing a gossip column?
Okay cool. Ming Na, gossip column.
Mr. Schneeman?
Mr. Scott Marshall Schneeman.
I'm gonna need your full story, man.
On the record. Names and everything.
Is this the McCarthy hearings?
- Schneeman, you gotta fight back now.
I mean for real!
They've already hung you by your underwear.
What else can they possibly do?
That's what I'm worried about.
Is anybody gonna order food?
That's what I'm worried about.
Is anybody gonna order food?
Absolutely, Errol.
One slice of your famous cherry pie
and uh...four forks.
Evie Wallace.
What the hell does she want?
- Easy E. I heard she's been working at this joint
- Oh, she's a waitress?
No. She's a hooker, man.
-She has sex with guys in exchange for money.
-I know what a hooker is, Rob, but
No, I do not believe that.
-No, that's like a 100% confirmed.
She sold her cherries to some Japanese businessman
over the internet for $50,000
which is like 520,000 Yen
She doesn't dress like a hooker.
Her clothes are flawless.
also for her first time she blew the entire wrestling
team last year. 100% confirmed, multiple sources
Gavin Riley is an evil son of a bitch and anything
that will knock him down a peg or annoy
him a little bit, I'd like to be a part of.
Have a seat.
- I'm Gonzo Gilman, I'm in charge here.
I assume you all know who I am?
Well I don't really know how you found out about us
but now that you're here, let me get you up to speed
We're starting a newspaper here and
we plan on pissing a lot of people off
-No you're not gonna make a newspaper.
-Why not?
Newspapers are dead, okay?
You've gotta do a website or it's a total joke
No, we're not hiding behind usernames in cyberspace
this is gonna be a communal experience,
something tangible
an actual thing that you can hold in your hands
and get the ink on your fingers.
Newspapers are dead.
You know no one really asked you anyway
You just walked in here
you can go home and blog yourself
Dude, what are you doing?
you know she could give us a lot of street cred
Okay, let me ask you something.
How do you plan on paying for it?
Newspapers cost a lot of money to print, y'know.
Advertising.
We hit every mom and pop shop in this town
getting crushed by these soulless chains
introduce them to a whole new consumer.
I'll take out an ad. Couldn't hurt.
It's 50 for a full page.
-How about 40.
-Done.
See? Don't worry about the money. Covered.
Even the New York Times
has a website component.
Talk-backs, videos, blogs...
I mean you wanna interact
with your readers, right?
You want a reaction, don't you?
- I don't know anything about web design.
- I do. I can format your whole newspaper
See, I have very specific ideas about the formatting.
We'd have to work...very closely...together.
Are you gonna go all the way with this?
Or are you gonna punk out?
What do you think?
Uhm
I think we're all gonna go home...
together...in this direction
You guys can stay here. We'll see you later
I have this pretty classic picture of Schneeman
we should probably use for the cover
- Yeah, cool. Let me give you my email.
- Yeah, absolutely.
The bubonic plague!
You better double bag Gilman or your dick's gonna fall off.
You have no dick, asshole. Piss off!
- I hope you don't believe everything you hear
- No.
You know if they're lying,
you should write something too
-Set the record straight.
-Yeah, maybe I will.
- What happened between you and Gavin Riley?
- That's nobody's business
- You're a motherfucker on that triangle, man.
- Thanks
- What's your name?
- Dave Melnick.
Dave, tell me. How'd you like to be a star?
I'd like to be a star.
Most people only see a block of stone
the artist sees the statue trapped inside
Kev, Julie's my best friend.
but you're so freakin hot.
I know.
You skanky little ho
"You can chain me, you can torture me,
you can destroy my body"
"but you will never imprison my mind."
Mohandas Gandhi.
Check it out. I finally landed us two ads.
RJ's records on Main St and
that kid Django
who sells weed on the playground.
-I'll scan them in.
-Yeah, good.
What are you up to, Gilman?
If this school's an ass,
That's my foot.
Triple tens
Pathetic.
-Evie.
-Did you get it?
The double-thumb Gonzo Fist. Hunter S. Thompson.
It really grabs the eye by the balls of the throat.
That doesn't make any sense
but think I know what you mean.
I'm gonna stay up tonight and see
if I can finish the whole lay-out.
Gonzo files no. 1
Oh my God, Evie
This looks so professional.
I love it.
Wait till you see the website.
I kinda hope Schneeman doesn't
get murdered for this.
I know. Berserk.
This one's mine.
You might think it's stupid so
Evie
I have like 40+ moronic ideas every second
and I tend to express them all
A sex advise column?
This is cruel.
If they want a whore, I'll give them a whore.
Bastards.
Let them see how it feels.
Ever feel lost, lonely, weird, really ugly?
last to get the joke?
Ever wonder where the party is?
Ever get a dodge ball on your face?
Pop a boner in your sweat pants?
Ever feel embarrassed about being smart?
Ever feel just like staying in bed all day,
all week, all year?
You ever feel misunderstood, cheated, alone?
Ever wonder why nothing ever feels easy ever?
Well, this paper's for you
Welcome to the Gonzo Files
Hey that's me.
Look she's making herself puke.
-Thanks for the unrealistic body image, bitch.
-What?
-I'm not bulimic, you asshole. I was puking
my guts out from the cafeteria food.
-Right, right.
-The Hendrix of the triangle?
-Yeah.
Oh my God. That's brutal.
-Damn, they put him in a whole locker.
-Who are these creeps?
You whore!
"I've had the misfortune of being bullied
by Johnny Rock since he came to Parker in 9th grade."
"Over the years he has worked long and
hard to perfect his patented wedgie technique."
"that combines elements of public humiliation
and excruciating physical pain"
"into a veritable bouillabaisse of terror."
"Take it from me, in the world of raging assholes ..."
Johnny Rock stands alone.
Congratulations, Johnny. You earned it.
Now if you'll excuse us, we're late for gym.
Physical education. It's important
Why aren't you dead right now?
Everyone knows Marlene Katsmeyer's
curvy just not like this.
-Haters, eat your hearts out.
-Damn, Elephant girl really is smokin'.
Horny Rob!
You go, boy!
Wait, listen to this.
"Dear Easy E, I have a very small penis."
"In fact, I'm one of the few guys
who can actually pee on his own balls."
"Do you know of any procedures or
exercise that can improve my length and girth?"
"Please help. I'm scared I'll never
be able to please a woman."
"Sincerely, Ryan McCloud.
That preppy guy who always wears rugby shirts."
This letter is bullshit!
I am long and strong!
No. I've seen your sad, SAD excuse for a penis.
Last year when I gave you a
hummer in the boys' bathroom?
Don't you remember?
I mean, that's what you told everybody.
What are you...you saying it's not true?
You're a nasty little liar, aren't you, Ryan?
Say it.
Say "I'm a nasty little liar
and I deserve to be spanked."
Say it.
Say it. Say it.
Say it.
You can go to hell!
I want this written in English.
Attention. Attention students, will Edward Gilman
please report to the principal's office.
Mr. Gilman.
You caused quite a commotion today.
But that's now always such a bad thing, yes?
We think it's cute what you did.
Cute?
You certainly hit a nerve.
Have a seat.
Now there's a lot about your
paper that is inappropriate.
and in very poor taste and
I seriously considered disciplining you
but your essential message-saluting the unsung
heroes of parker prep has real value
Gonzo
as long as you agree to tone it down...a lot
and to work under Gavin's supervision
We're prepared to give you a small budget and
to make your little paper an official supplement to The Courier.
Well, what do you think?
Well, gentlemen
I'm flattered by your offer...really
But you see...
If I accept your money
then I have to accept your rules and
Sorry but my readers will not allow the Gonzo
to be censored by anybody.
Let me put it another way.
If you put out another issue,
I'm going to suspend you.
I guess you'll do what you have to do
and I'll do what I have to do.
Meeting adjourned? Great.
Big mistake, Gilman. Big mistake.
May I say it was fun.
It's been a really long time since I had fun.
Cute.
They called my paper "cute."
-Who?
-Who do you think?
Riley? Who cares what that asshole thinks.
Don't let him get in your head, Gonzo.
That's what he wants.
What if he's right?
What if people really do see this paper
as just another prank
like streaking across stage during graduation
But that's not what this is.
Look, on the website people are
already sending me letters
Real letters looking for advice.
And not just about perverted sex shit either
You have no idea how many girls
were screwed over in this school.
I'm gonna try and help.
See that's cool.
yeah your thing is really cool
What did I write?
About some stupid shit
about a triangle player.
Great reporters find great
subjects, change things...
Give yourself a break.
It's only the first issue.
This is the premise. Parker Prep was built
over a graveyard for the criminally insane.
And now, these psychotic ghosts all rise
up from the dead and killing everyone in school.
It's up to a band of brave students
well-versed in the dark arts to save the day.
- These brave students are led by Hyperion?
- That is correct.
- I have the first 16 issues ready.
- Deadline's November 23rd. Next!
I device Rudoku, which is like
Sudoku but for word lovers.
They're fiendishly clever.
I don't think so.
This is a manifesto on the coming
environmental apocalypse
I wanna print it on the front page.
Every word.
That's cool, man...okay...
Glad someone's looking ahead.
Planning for the future.
"It's called out and about in Parker Prep"
If you're in the closet, we will hunt
you down and drag you out by force.
We're bullshit detectors too.
Right on.
His problem is he's not horny enough.
I want nudity. I want spycams
in the girls' locker room kinda shit.
- I mean quit teasing me, man.
- "More T and A". Duly noted, thank you very much.
You don't have to be dicks about it.
- I'm Stone. This is Malloy.
What are you guys, characters
from a mid-70s cop show?
No, we're sophomores. And we love The Gonzo.
We want be your interns, y'know.
Fetch you coffee.
-Run you errands, whatever.
-We just wanna learn.
You guys wanna help? Get everybody in a line.
Tell them they'll all get a chance as long
as they order something to eat.
- You mean we're hired?
Correct.
Okay, people. You wanna talk, you gotta eat!
Take a menu and line your asses up.
Stone and Malloy. Good addition.
-Hey! Are you gonna tell me what's going on?
-With what?
-With Easy.
- You're hanging out, right?
-No.
C'mon. She 420-friendly, bareback-rider,
fluent in French?
Dude, c'mon. Stop.
She's not like that.
No. You're spending all of your time with her.
You cannot tell me you're just friends.
We're...
Colleagues.
Yeah, colleagues.
Geez, you are an idiot!
You. Sloppy Joe-time, of course.
Fantastic! Thank you very much.
I'm telling you, sir, you need to try this out. It's unbelievable.
Look, I bring my lunch from home.
I'll give you half.
-It's brain food.
-Oh no!
No. That shit is nasty. Please.
Just give my man the Joe.
- I think I want the Joe.
- Give him the Joe.
Okay! Alright.
You want the Sloppy Joe?
You got it.
Here, take a little more.
Nice and sloppy
- How long's he been in there?
- A while. He's been there a while. He's got a weak stomach.
- I hope he's okay.
- Yeah, I'm sure he's fine.
- You okay. Doing well these days?
- Yeah.
I've got it!
We do an investigative piece into the
health conditions in our cafeteria.
They shut us in that lunchroom
and then they poison us!
I bet a lot of kids have gotten sick this year.
We have to find out why.
I'm gonna give you a couple of breath mints.
Coz your breath really smell bad right
now due to the vomit in your throat.
-This is the story.
-Where do we start?
We have to get the school nurse's records.
- Gonzo! Those are confidential.
It'll never happen.
Right. All part of the cover-up.
Yeah. Let me get my laptop. I got an idea.
-What's your idea?
-Let's put a poll question on the website.
Let's see if we got any responses.
Sorry. Not a lot of people come up here.
No one, actually.
I'll be good.
You won't have to hit me.
Oh my God, we have 11 hits already.
You're kidding me.
Look who's liking the site now.
I can see that it's a useful tool.
I don't see why you have to rub it in my face.
Hey look, that cheerleader really wasn't bulimic.
She was out of school for salmonella.
Salmonella is a really serious illness.
She probably got a doctor's note.
-That's hard evidence, we can print it.
-and scan it.
This is really big.
We have to interview everybody.
Let's go over what we know.
The majority of these complaints
are about the sloppy joes, the taco or the burger.
So, class...
What do all these things have in common?
The meat. -The meat. -Meat.
- The meat!
- Good job, Rob.
-Thank you.
-Yeah, the meat.
The beef. I wonder what
company Parker Prep uses.
You can ask Principal Roy about that.
No, I couldn't. He doesn't
know we're doing another issue.
Only one way to find out.
My God, look!
Anybody in here?
Goddamn, Ratatouille!
Every night with you guys!
Let's keep shooting.
This stuff is gold.
Not only were conditions shocking
but further investigation revealed this meat to be Grade D.
which is only used in pet food and school lunches.
The expirations dates were all slightly off.
Gonzo people demand answers.
Gonzo people demand justice.
We will not stop until both are ours.
- Unacceptable!
- I told you I wasn't lying.
This is why I puked, bitches.
Have you seen this?
This is disgusting.
I'm never going in there again.
The ink work is insane.
- This is like early Steve Ditko.
Thanks, bro.
I can put you in the next issue.
Any superpower you want.
I wanna see through walls.
Yes!
You're kidding me.
Okay, everybody! Listen up.
There are inspectors from the Board of Health in there.
They're shutting the cafeteria down! We won!
I don't think Roy can keep us inside anymore.
We gotta eat somewhere, right?
Let's get the hell outta here.
Gonzo! Gonzo!
I'm hungry!
Get some mushu pork.
Get a salad for christsake
You really think you can beat me, Gilman?
Please. You're playing checkers
and I'm playing chess.
- I'm always 10 steps ahead.
- Whatever, man.
Roy would like to see you. Now.
We had no idea he was even
doing this. Doesn't that bother you?
Honey, you act like he's building
bombs in the garage.
He's been suspended, Arthur.
That means he can't make the honor roll.
His grades are slipping too.
Columbia's gonna laugh at him.
You are like a robot now.
Who's programming you? This is magic.
Okay? Some people never do anything this
special their whole lives and you are missing it.
I'm not even sure they
have a right to suspend you.
You should fight it.
There are some first amendment issues there.
-Not the First Amendment.
-He should be able to write what he wants to write.
No one's disputing the facts of the story.
Stop it!
Do you want to make a bigger mess?
Let him get through high school
then he can save the world.
Listen, Eddie. I know how special you are.
But you just can't act on every impulse.
If you don't plan for life and put things in place,
you're gonna regret it. Trust me.
-Gonzo Gilman? The Parker Prep whistle-blower?
-Yeah that's me.
I'm Charlie Ronald. I do a segment on
"Local Heroes" on New York 3.
- Oh yeah. Charlie Ronald, "on the streets."
- "And in your face." That's me, yeah.
- Mind if I ask you a few questions?
- Yeah, sure.
Might wanna put some pants on first.
- How'd you find me?
- You're not the only one chasing stories, kid.
Stencil. Here you go, man. That's yours.
Gonzo's like Nelson Mandela
or John Gotti
Someone who fought for his people,
ended up in jail because of it
And now it's all of our responsibility
to spread the word, okay!
Are you with us, brother?
That's what I'm talking about.
We got 97 signatures.
Roy's gotta know how we feel, man.
No justice, no peace!
Who said the revolution wouldn't be televised?
Now that's what I call lunch.
- Are you watching it?
It's insane.
27 code violations in this school's cafeteria
but Principal Roy still refuses to comment.
It's insane.
27 code violations in this school's cafeteria
but Principal Roy still refuses to comment.
We'll be making a full statement.
We're not gonna do it in the parking lot.
Meanwhile Gonzo Gilman is sweating out the 4th day
of a week-long suspension that many feel is unjust.
The question must be asked.
Is the wrong person being punished here?
Does Parker Prep even have the right to censor him?
This is Charlie Ronald for New York Free News.
On the streets and in your face.
Charlie Ronald is your old college buddy.
You made him do this, didn't you?
You know how Eddie gets carried away.
You're just setting him up for a fall.
-I know your early decision at Brown, Evie.
But check this out.
The dean from Columbia finally wrote me back.
He's impressed with my stuff and
apparently, I'm on the shortlist.
I know, it's huge.
Dean fuckin Herbert on the Gonzo
Who says he's gonna fall?
Come back and see us again.
I sing on Thursdays.
That's a good cup of coffee.
Busy day, huh?
Just like the old days before McDonald's
and Pizza Hut moved in.
You couldn't get a table in this place.
This whole Gonzo thing must be good for you, huh?
Saved my business. I'll tell you that.
For now anyway.
Cuts both ways, doesn't it?
- What do you mean?
- You are his biggest advertiser,right?
First advertiser too.
I'm the one that got the whole ball rolling.
You see?
He couldn't do it without you.
I guess we helped each other.
I'll say you have.
We're open in the backroom
for the first time since '98.
We're gonna have a big party.
Why don't you come.
Saturday night?
- Yeah. It'll be fun.
- Maybe I'll check it out.
Is Gonzo here? He's coming, right?
He said he was coming but
he's grounded so who knows.
Hey, dude!
We got Gonzo
30 seconds to stage.
Alright Melnick.
Get his ass off the stage!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
My man, the freedom fighter from Parker Prep.
Give it up for Gonzo Gilman!
My people!
What schools, and police and governments
fail to realize
is that we've got the power!
You know what's a damn shame
is when we forget that too.
You know what I'm seeing right now?
I'm seeing that we're starting to realize.
Do you see that?
Do you see what we can do?
You gonna print another issue?
What do you think?
I'm from North. He's from Central.
She's from GW.
We wanna go Gonzo on our schools too.
We wanna really blow some shit up that way.
Right on. We can just send you the lay-outs.
All you have to do is pull 'em out.
Just tell the truth, brothers and sisters.
That's all I ask.
Even if the truth hurts.
What's up, Gilman?
Riley?
I came to congratulate you, man.
You had an idea. You followed it through.
And it worked.
That's pretty cool, man.
Uh...Thanks, man.
Our humble little paper is coming out on Monday.
It's not the Gonzo but
There's a really interesting article in there
I think you should check out.
Okay.
Evie.
Evie Wallace!
You are glowing.
I'm really happy for you.
For both of you.
Monday.
We should get outta here, right?
This party's totally dying down.
We can go back to my place. My parents are gone.
After after party. Just the staff.
Yeah. Rally the troops.
You know, I've been working it
-I think tonight it's finally going down.
-What?
Every man's fantasy
You know what the French call "eating for three?"
Robbie ...
I'll be right there.
Oh sweet Jesus, no.
- Oh yes.
Pretty nervous.
It's my first time but
I put my camera in there, I set it up
so I'm just gonna film myself and
watch it later and see how I did.
-Hey, I'll s how it to you if you want.
-Oh no. That's really okay.
Wish me luck, man.
Prayin for you.
-Let's hope there's enough of me to go around, right?
-Yeah.
Are you a virgin?
What?
Have you ever had sex?
We're just really divin in there, aren't we?
Remember Elizabeth Frankel?
She moved away last year. She's in our grade.
We've been best friends since elementary school.
We made this pact to get it over with.
How was it?
Embarrassing...if truth be told.
There I was humping away
Thought I was doing great.
Really thought I was championing that sex
I looked up at one point to
see how she was liking it...
She had this confused,
sorrowful look on her face
Turns out my dick was actually
caught in her comforter.
- Get out!
- I won't.
It was a really soft and satiny comforter.
You've gotta believe me.
Anyway, then we finally got it in for real
You know that whole awkward dance
Just really trying to keep my flag flying
Finally she gets into it
and she starts moving around and
It was over in like
Ten seconds...Seven seconds.
Yup. I was a real pleasure machine that night.
What about you?
You ever do it?
Evie, c'mon. I told you mine.
You gotta tell me yours.
- Law of reciprocation.
- Oh really, I didn't realize there are laws involved here.
Well now you know.
It's not a good story.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
I think you brought it up because
you really wanna tell me.
Evie, my first time was with a blanket.
Gonzo! Are you up there?
I need water!
Let's get some air.
Last year, I had to take this science
class with Riley.
And I had this mad crush on him
like all the girls.
And I was trying to flirt with him and everything
Finally he invited me to this really cool party
And I wore this little dress
And I got really drunk
It was stupid but
I was just really nervous, y'know.
Anyway, I wind up losing my virginity to the guy...
Which was okay.
It was sort of what I wanted.
But it turned into this total nightmare.
I was so messed up that
I didn't notice his jock buddies
were there cheering us on.
And after he was finished
This other guy tried to get in on me
I had to fight him off
I was crying. I was trying to get my clothes on.
I was trying to get out of the house.
It was horrible.
And Gavin Riley acted like
the whole thing was a joke.
He didn't defend me or anything
He laughed
He totally disputes it at school the next day
and all these rumors started that
I did the whole wrestling team.
He ruined my life.
Son of a bitch.
Ever since then not only
have I not had a boyfriend
I really don't have anybody.
Just sort of shut down, I guess.
Evie, listen...
Not everybody in this world
is an asshole like Gavin Riley.
I'm not.
I know.
-Let's go slow, okay.
- Yeah
Eddie! Breakfast!
Hey Mr. Sandman, get up! Get up!
Gilman!
You need a life.
- Gonzo, is it true?
- Did you really do it, Gonzo?
Do what?
- What the hell?
- Listen up, Gonzo
Riley has proposed the following chain of events
That Errol bankrolled your paper, and you broke
into the school at night and planted
the rats and roaches in the kitchen
The health inspectors came
and closed down the cafeteria
necessitating that we eat at off-campus
diner thus saving Errol's business.
- Riley claims that was your plan.
- That is ridiculous!
Thing is Riley has a pretty good slam on us.
He's even got surveillance
photos and everything.
But these are from when we got the footage.
We didn't plant anything.
He actually expects people to believe this?
- You better be suspending Riley!
- Calm down, Mr. Gilman.
Calm down. I got in trouble for telling the truth.
This is nothing but lies. Don't tell me he's gonna skate.
There's gonna be a thorough investigation,
believe me and I don't answer to you.
I'm gonna do a little thorough investigation
of my own, if you don't mind.
I do mind.
In fact, if you respond with another issue of your paper,
I'll kick you out of school.
You and all your sidekicks.
Consider yourselves warned.
This article is bullshit
and you know it.
- Prove it.
- Prove it? I'm gonna destroy you.
You better watch it, little guy.
I've got the goods on everybody.
Take it easy.
- What was that about?
- I don't know.
I don't wanna find out.
I have a plan, guys.
I've been thinking about it all day.
We have to interview those health inspectors.
Get the nurse's full records.
Do a background check on continental meats.
We gotta fight back.
Okay who wants to do what?
Anyone?
- We've all been talking a little bit.
-Behind my back?
No man, c'mon.
We just don't think that we should do another issue.
What?
We've already taken this so much further
than we ever thought we could
- It's been awesome but
- We cannot get expelled.
Shneeman, nobody's getting expelled.
First amendment, man. Roy's bluffing.
Sorry, I can't risk it. I worked my
whole life to get into Princeton.
- My parents will have a shitfit.
This might blow your minds guys but
some things are more important than college.
-Riley's story is bullshit!
-Yeah.
You're over-reacting.
Just put something on the website like:
"Anyone can make allegations without a shred of proof.
We stand by our story 100%"
Stand strong.
You guys just aren't seeing the bigger picture here.
Gonzo Gilman isn't just your friend anymore.
Okay? He's a public figure.
He's a public figure that stands for truth
and justice and freedom.
And that is why if we don't prove that
everything in that article is an outright lie
And the man who wrote them is a liar,
my name is dirt!
And everything we've done together is dirt!
We need one more issue. Come on!
One little hit and you all fold.
What's wrong with all of you?
Well, this talking in the third person
business is kinda creepy for one.
Gonzo ...
All you have to do is graduate
and you get to go to your dream school
Are you really gonna let Riley ruin that?
Then he really wins.
You need to let this go.
Remember history.
If Napoleon had stopped at Austerlitz,
he never would've had his Waterloo.
You're just scared of Riley.
That's all this is. You know it.
So I got about 8 lbs. of it.
- What's wrong?
- Nobody cares about the truth, dad!
- What?
- Why didn't you tell me that?
Eddie!
- Would you like to try the capon, sir?
- Looks delicious.
- Now that's what I call spread, Gav.
- Fresh capon?
Belgian endive?
Okay folks, let's settle down.
We're gonna get started.
Quiet down, folks. Let's sit down.
What fresh hole is this?
Today is a very proud day at Parker Prep.
Our own Gavin Riley has
won the Van Buren Prize.
The most prestigious history
award in the country.
It's for his paper "The History of Torture
Tactics and Psychological Warfare."
Torture tactics and psychological warfare?
Incredibly, Gavin is the third
member of his family to win this award.
And brothers, Shawn and Marcus,
are with us today. Come on up, guys.
They're passing the torch.
Let me see if I got this right.
Shaun is at Dartmouth?
and Marcus is at Yale.
- And Gavin, you wanna tell us where you're going next year?
- Stanford. Only decision.
Mr. and Mrs. Riley should write a book.
Gavin Riley, why don't you say a few words, please.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
I just want to say that
Standing on this stage with my two brothers
... it's the proudest moment of my life.
Schneeman!
You gonna tell me what's going on, man?
- What do you mean?
- Psychological Warfare?
The history of torture tactics.
Those are your twin passions.
You were gonna write
your Van Buren paper on that.
Riley just had the same idea.
Schneeman, we have been
through too much together.
Okay, man. Level with me.
Did you make some kind of deal with him?
This is totaly off the record.
You can't tell anyone, okay? Promise.
I gave him my paper in exchange
for protection from the bullies for the entire school year.
- What? You've gotta be kidding me!
- It's true.
And honestly, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
I'm living fear-free for the first time, floating on air!
It's like a terrible weight has been lifted.
- The onions on this guy! I swear...
- Gonzo!
You can't tell anyone.
Please. PLEASE!
Remember when you found out
when Santa Claus didn't really exist?
That your father was really the toothfairy
or that Barry Bonds didn't get
his muscles from eating spinach?
Well, my friends, today, sadly,
another idol must fall.
Holy shit.
Gonzo has completely lost his mind.
King, Gandhi or Parks I sort of understand
but Patrick Henry has no historical relevance whatsoever.
Schneeman, you better look at this.
Scott Marshall Schneeman
had enough.
Enough of the teasing, of the beatings,
of the humiliations he had to suffer his entire life.
so when Gavin Riley came
to him with a nefarious proposal
that would make his troubles magically disappear
Schneeman was more than ready to listen.
This is bad. So bad...
A pretty Parker Prep student, who shall remain
nameless, made the mistake of falling for Riley's charms.
Last year, he invited her to a party
and she accepted
expecting a night of fun,
possibly even romance.
But what she experienced that night
was a horror that changed her life forever.
All his academic records should be called into question
including his SATs. He should probably be tested for
steroids too because he probably cheats at wrestling.
Gavin Riley is a total fraud
academically, personally, morally.
He needs to be unmasked
in every conceivable way.
How could you do this...to us?
You turned out to be worse than Riley.
You did this alone?
In my office now.
You are suspended indefinitely
pending an expulsion hearing.
- Schneeman, I'm coming, man!
- No! NO! Get away from me!
You broke your promise.
I'd rather stay here a week than be helped by you.
Leave! You're not my friend!
Leave! Why are you still here?
Leave! Leave! Go! GO!
Good for you, Schneeman.
Evie, thank God.
I've been calling you all day.
You're not gonna believe the day I'm having.
Fuck off!
- What? What's wrong?
- Look at the website, asshole!
- Did Riley post this?
- I told you to leave it alone but you wouldn't listen.
We can take this out.
We can delete it from the site. We're the administrators.
It's all over Youtube!
Evie ... Fuck!
One time! ONE TIME
I cheated and you had to bust me like that?
They're gonna take away my prize.
Stanford is gonna review my transcript.
You fucked up everything!
-You shouldn't have done it.
-You are nothing.
Nothing!
Nobody cares what you do.
My family ...
I have to win.
You have no idea how much
fucking pressure I'm under.
- How could you do that to Evie?
- YOU did it to her, Gilman!
Hey. I just missed you at the hospital.
My phone was off. Is he alright?
He's gonna be fine. He had to get
a few stitches but he's gonna be alright.
You okay?
You were right. This is a total disaster.
I can't believe he might not graduate.
I just get so caught up, babe.
I just want Eddie to have an interesting life.
And try for great things.
Everything shouldn't be about
pressure and stress and tests...
I know. I know.
I tend to forget that.
You're not the only one who gets carried away.
Eddie?
Eddie.
Jesus.
Let me see.
Wanna tell me what happened?
I messed up so bad.
I hurt everyone I care about.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sometimes you just have to look
the world in the eye and say you're sorry.
You mean like throw myself
at the mercy of the courts type of deal?
And pray they forgive you.
I've had a little practice of that myself.
- You need anything?
- I'm fine.
'famous apologies'
I'm deeply sorry that I did
not live up to what was expected of me
To every New Yorker and to all those who
believed in what I tried to stand for I sincerely apologize.
Indeed, I did have a relationship with
Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate
now this matter is between me, my wife
and our daughter, and our God.
I must put it right. And I am prepared
to do whatever it takes to do so.
I have sinned against you, My Lord.
And I would ask that Your precious blood
... wash and cleanse
every stain
'GONZO GILMAN
ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH'
In the past week,
I ruined my chance to go to college
I lost all my friends
The one girl I ever cared about
will probably never talk to me again.
I also got my face kicked in.
But after everything I've done,
I probably got off easy.
You believed in me
And I betrayed you all.
To the Gonzo staff -
Rob, Ming Na ...
I'm sorry I let my stupid egotistical war
get in the way of the beautiful thing we built together
Scott Marshall Schneeman,
you told me something in confidence, man
and I sold you out.
I hope you can forgive me but if you can't
hey, I get it.
To the unnamed girl,
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.
I've never felt this bad about
anything before in my life.
But that probably doesn't help you much.
I'll do anything.
I'll accept any form of punishment,
the crueler the better.
just give me another chance.
Hey. I heard they let you back in.
Yeah, my mom sweet-talked
Principal Roy at that hearing pretty hard.
There's no more Gonzo.
That's for sure.
- We wanna start up again next year.
- If that's okay with you.
We'll do it all online.
There are no principals in cyberspace.
We feel it's our duty, Gonzo.
The voice of the underdog must be heard.
- Power to the people.
- Riley been around?
- Hasn't shown his face.
- What a pussy.
- He should take his lumps like a man.
'MY HOUSE, 4PM'
Evie!
Thanks for seeing me.
- I just ...
- Don't tell me you're sorry.
I know you're sorry.
And don't think your little video meant anything.
It was just another Gonzo Gilman Production.
All about you.
- The what am I doing here?
Let's talk in the car.
After I saw that clip of me naked at the party,
I swore I'll never talk to you again.
I turned off all my lights.
Put on some really depressing music.
Got under my covers.
I was ready to say screw the world.
Shut everybody out.
Somehow it didn't feel right this time.
What?
Playing the victim.
It wasn't me anymore.
I know how to fight back now.
No matter what...
... asshole ...
...ASSHOLE...
... thing you did,
you gave me that.
you and your paper.
That was big.
So what are you saying, Evie?
Are we friends again?
Can we be friends again?
Can I trust you?
I mean really, really trust you?
My heart broke for you, Evie.
I know it did.
I learned my lesson.
What's so funny?
I'm just really relieved.
This has been killing me.
Don't get so ahead of yourself.
You still need to be punished.
Let's just say you better watch your back.
Okay. I think I can live with that.
- Do you want to get some food?
- Yeah.
We should probably throw Errol some business.
- What's the deal with this car?
- That is a whole other story.
- Did Riley post or Evie?
- No, but I did.
You have to scroll down a little bit more.
- Bingo! There we go.
- Oh no, Rob!
- Not the sex tape
- Yup. I posted the tape of me having sex with women.
- Press play.
- I really don't want to.
Push play
and you will see me communicating...
with my body.
Okay ...
See this? This is my truth.
Isn't that what Gonzo was supposed to be all about?
- Okay, don't touch me, dude.
- Okay. That's fine.
Watch the rest of it coz the end is really good.
I ruined my chance to go to college
I lost all my friends
I almost ruined my parents' marriage
The one girl l ever cared about will
probably never talk to me again
I also got my face kicked in
But...
after everything I've done
I probably got off easy
You believed in me
and I betrayed you all
Amy
I want you on band try-outs and theater auditions
It's Pippin this year, right?
Great show... Jules
I need you on the student parking permits
Please, they confuse the hell out of everybody
Can you do that for me?
There's a new cafeteria policy.
Due to last year's brawl at McDonald's
Nobody's allowed off school grounds for lunch
Not even the seniors.
We're stuck inside all year
That sucks
It's okay. I'm gonna do an op ed on that
Gonna interview the principal
it's obviously a hot-button issue
Kev, what do you got, bud?
Football and wrestling previews, Gav. And
I'd love to do a feature on the state wrestling champ
at a hundred sixty eight pounds
who happens to be you
Alright. Well you'll probably
gonna want photos with that
so meet me in the gym after school
I'll let you shoot me in my tux
I got a sports story
but it ain't no goddamn puff piece
It's gonna be in 2-inch type
right underneath the masthead
steroids
good to see you, Gilman
Steroids, huh?
I'm gonna go undercover on the
football team as assistant equipment manager
blow the lid right off this bitch
I'm gonna find out who's juicing,
where they got the stuff
What evidence do you have that anyone's using steroids?
Statistics
It's an epidemic now on the high school level
the high school football team went 2 and 12 last year
nobody cares enough to cheat
maybe they don't wanna go 2 and 12 this year
ever think about that?
It's a ridiculous reach. Forget it.
At least read the data
I don't need to read the data. Thanks.
Who are you trying to protect?
Cough if up, Riley.
How far up does this thing go?
Take it easy, Oliver Stone. I just don't want you
bugging my friends with your bullshit
Okay, guys. These stories are due Friday.
You can just e-mail them to me, alright?
Okay, we table the steroids thing.
What am I gonna do?
You beat me out for editor, Riley,
but I still need to make my mark this year
First of all, Gilman, take a giant step back
You're in my area. We discussed this
Okay
Why don't you just do a
simple 'back to school' piece?
'Another year dawns on Parker Prep'
whatever just
make sure you include the
changes on the academic calendar
Back to school piece
it's simple, it's elegant
I'll really to put my finger on
the pulse of the student body
Yes. Fine. Look, if it's good enough,
I'll even put it on the cover
Just don't get carried away
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Another year dawns, let's talk about it
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
Do you have one minute?
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears...
Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.
What are your hopes and fears for the new year?
I hope that you get out of my face
and I fear that you will not.
- Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. I was hoping
- No
- Can I quote you on that?
-No
Got her digits, man. Damn, she's hot.
My friend, Rob. You will have to
undress that girl with a small crane
You've no vision, Gonzo. Okay that girl loses
this much baby fat, she'll have the sweetest ass in the entire school
- And I will be leading the ground floor
- Hmm..interesting.
- You working on a story?
- Undercover. I told you.
- 2-inch type
- right underneath the mast head.
- Hi, Rob.
- Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back.
- This is gonna be such a good year.
- Dude, she's like the elephant man
- You're the Don Juan of the physically-deformed
- Don't hate, okay?
-Please, you're better than that.
-Guys, come quick. It's Schneeman.
Bastards! How can you all just stand there?
Schneeman, I'm coming!
-Third year in a row. My underwear is about to rip...
-I know, I know. Don't try to talk right now
I'm gonna have to lift you... gently
Got it. Come on down. Here we go.
here...we... go.
You okay, Schneeman?
Did they do this to you?
Gavin Riley wasn't there
- Listen Schneeman. This isn't gonna happen again
-I know.
- That is the last time I wear underwear to school
- No, that's not what I mean
Okay you geniuses, here's your reminder
The submission deadline for the
Van Buren price is October 20th
This is the most prestigious history
award in the country
Parker Prep has had two previous winners
Gavin's two older brothers -Marcus and Shawn.
- Are you gonna continue the family dynasty?
- They'll disown me if I don't.
Well you're gonna have some tough competition
this year. Isn't that right, Mr. Shneeman?
Okay, back to Napoleon...
another man who had his eyes on the price
namely, the military domination of Europe...
Another year dawns on Parker Prep,
the 150th in the school history
For most students, it's a time to set goals
both academic and personal
a time to dream when everything seems possible
For others, however, school is already a
waking nightmare, a hellish abyss
where bullies prey sadistically on the weak.
unpunished, their victims, too afraid to identify.
- Hey
- Hey, how was the meeting? Did you settle?
And a hearty good evening to you, Diane.
No, we did not settle
- In fact, they threw the whole thing out.
- What?
Okay, so what happens now?
You don't get paid?
- You've been working on this case for 6 months.
- That's the high stake world of personal injury law.
Arthur, c'mon. This has got to stop.
You need to start getting compensated for your time.
and I'm talking about actual money
I'm not talking about Fernando working
off your fee by doing the hedges
or king Popi giving you that car
truck thingie with the boat attachment
That's an 87 El Camino, babe. It's a chariot
Look, I know how hard it is for you to say no
but you're not working pro-bono at LegalAid anymore
-This job is supposed to pay
- Di, I'm taking every case I can possibly take
I'm taking criminal, divorce, liability
I'm practically chasing ambulances down the street.
What else do you want me to do?
No money, no work. It's very simple
- Where's the boy?
- He's in his room. Eddie, dinner!
I call for a boycott on all boys'
varsity sports events
until the culprits step forward
and take responsibility for their actions
we can no longer let this aggression stand
-What? I'm working.
-Dinner's ready.
-I'll eat later. I'm on a roll
Hey mom?
Can you just grab me a Red Bull?
Rob, do me a favor and read it aloud
"Another year dawns on Parker Prep
The 150th in the school history"
"For most students, it's a time to set
goals both academic and personal"
"a time to dream when everything seems possible."
- Keep going.
- That is the end of the article.
-No, it's not. It's continued on another page or something.
-I don't think so. There's a period there.
What's the matter, Gilman?
It's on the cover, isn't it?
- You cut the whole thing?
You had no right to do that!
- I told you what I wanted and that's what I printed.
You're just protecting your neanderthal friends.
It's the same reason you tabled my steroids story.
- That's not what a newspaper is for!
- You're in my area, Gilman. I'm warning you.
A newspaper is for everybody.
It's a public trust!
- I told the truth in that article.
- Back off, freak! I'm serious.
You think this is just gonna go away?
That this is just gonna be over?
We're still gonna get justice for
Schneeman, Riley. You can't stop us!
No justice, no peace!
No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!
It's gonna be a nightmare, Riley.
You think you can challenge me, huh?
You're out of your league. Nobody
cares what you think. You understand that?
You better watch your back.
Are you out of your mind?
I thought you wanted to go to Columbia for Journalism.
How is getting kicked off the
paper one week into school gonna help?
You know there are students with 4.0 averages,
who spend their summers workign with lepers in India
who have a hard time getting into college
What the hell are you gonna do?
-This was your one extra-curricular selling point.
-Mom, one notch, okay? Do me a favor?
- Oh, am I being shrill
-Yes
I'm sorry. It's just that we're killing ourselves
to put you into this fancy private school
you have to hold up your end
I'm a victim of injustice, mother.
What do you want me to do?
Why don't you apologize?
Get back on the paper.
- Apologize?
- Yeah
I will never apologize to Gavin Riley.
I'll say that right now.
I'd rather die on my feet
than live on my knees.
"Die on my feet, live on my knees."
That's pretty good. Did I just make that up?
- Zapata. Emiliano Zapata. Mexican revolutionary.
Is that all you have to say?
Have you even read this, Diane?
He's standing up for the underdog.
Can't believe they'd cut a word of this
-I hope you're sending this to the dean at Columbia.
-Oh yeah, I send everything I write to Dean Herbert
No response yet but I know he'll respect my stand
Thanks, Arthur. That's very helpful
- I love you very much.
-[phone rings] Hello. This is she.
Yeah, I'm showing it a week from Tuesday.
Your mother's right.
We have sacrificed a lot.
Small things like dignity and
a sense of shame but
for me this isn't about getting into college.
It's about how far you're willing to go.
There's always gonna be some
asshole standing in your way
If there's something you need to do,
you have to find a way to do it.
-Alright?
-Yeah.
Don't you have any pride...
as a professional?
I don't cook this crap. I just serve it.
Great. What do you recommend? The stew?
Mac n' cheese?
Not the mac 'n cheese either
what about this vienna sausage that
looks pretty tasty. Is there anything...?
Well, man. I can't really eat saltines all year.
Just give me one of those sandwiches.
Russian roulette, bro.
Oh man, sloppy joe. Excellent.
Let me get some of that. Mmm
So what are you gonna do about Riley?
Sit down
It's not just that they cut my article,
or the heinous way they defiled Schneeman
We've been going to this school for three years
and it's like we've never even existed
This year was supposed to be different, remember?
Two weeks in they've got their feet
on our necks already? No way!
We're gonna start a fucking revolution in this place.
- How are we going to do that?
- With a newspaper.
With our own underground newspaper
Screw Gavin Riley!
Gavin Riley owns this place.
He'll crush us like bugs.
He's just a man, Schneeman.
He's got strengths and weaknesses
like anyone else.
Too many narcs in here. Let's meet
at the usual place, okay? After school.
There are only 10 people in this school
that anybody knows or cares about.
I'm gonna write about everyone else
"The unsung heroes of Parker Prep"
That's my idea.
Alright. Anybody else?
Any ideas? Anybody?
Rob, why don't you do
something on that mutant harem of yours?
-That'll be a real killer.
-Yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool.
Great. Rob. Mutant harem...
Ming. C'mon. What do you got?
Well...
Nobody even thinks I can speak English
so they blab their whole lives in front
of me like I'm not even there
Some of these girls you wouldn't believe
They act like they're so perfect
But I see every single flaw
Ridiculous clothes and hideous hair
And they're just awful terrible people
Spoiled two-faced back-stabbers.
Those godless whores
It's all I can do not to vomit
or scream at their faces
I just wanna like rip out their hair
Sometimes I take pictures of them
with my camera phone
It's my dream of showing the world the truth
Wouldn't it be funny to see them cry tears
boohoohoo...
boohoohoohoo
So like a gossip column?
Are you talking about doing a gossip column?
Okay cool. Ming Na, gossip column.
Mr. Schneeman?
Mr. Scott Marshall Schneeman.
I'm gonna need your full story, man.
On the record. Names and everything.
Is this the McCarthy hearings?
- Schneeman, you gotta fight back now.
I mean for real!
They've already hung you by your underwear.
What else can they possibly do?
That's what I'm worried about.
Is anybody gonna order food?
That's what I'm worried about.
Is anybody gonna order food?
Absolutely, Errol.
One slice of your famous cherry pie
and uh...four forks.
Evie Wallace.
What the hell does she want?
- Easy E. I heard she's been working at this joint
- Oh, she's a waitress?
No. She's a hooker, man.
-She has sex with guys in exchange for money.
-I know what a hooker is, Rob, but
No, I do not believe that.
-No, that's like a 100% confirmed.
She sold her cherries to some Japanese businessman
over the internet for $50,000
which is like 520,000 Yen
She doesn't dress like a hooker.
Her clothes are flawless.
also for her first time she blew the entire wrestling
team last year. 100% confirmed, multiple sources
Gavin Riley is an evil son of a bitch and anything
that will knock him down a peg or annoy
him a little bit, I'd like to be a part of.
Have a seat.
- I'm Gonzo Gilman, I'm in charge here.
I assume you all know who I am?
Well I don't really know how you found out about us
but now that you're here, let me get you up to speed
We're starting a newspaper here and
we plan on pissing a lot of people off
-No you're not gonna make a newspaper.
-Why not?
Newspapers are dead, okay?
You've gotta do a website or it's a total joke
No, we're not hiding behind usernames in cyberspace
this is gonna be a communal experience,
something tangible
an actual thing that you can hold in your hands
and get the ink on your fingers.
Newspapers are dead.
You know no one really asked you anyway
You just walked in here
you can go home and blog yourself
Dude, what are you doing?
you know she could give us a lot of street cred
Okay, let me ask you something.
How do you plan on paying for it?
Newspapers cost a lot of money to print, y'know.
Advertising.
We hit every mom and pop shop in this town
getting crushed by these soulless chains
introduce them to a whole new consumer.
I'll take out an ad. Couldn't hurt.
It's 50 for a full page.
-How about 40.
-Done.
See? Don't worry about the money. Covered.
Even the New York Times
has a website component.
Talk-backs, videos, blogs...
I mean you wanna interact
with your readers, right?
You want a reaction, don't you?
- I don't know anything about web design.
- I do. I can format your whole newspaper
See, I have very specific ideas about the formatting.
We'd have to work...very closely...together.
Are you gonna go all the way with this?
Or are you gonna punk out?
What do you think?
Uhm
I think we're all gonna go home...
together...in this direction
You guys can stay here. We'll see you later
I have this pretty classic picture of Schneeman
we should probably use for the cover
- Yeah, cool. Let me give you my email.
- Yeah, absolutely.
The bubonic plague!
You better double bag Gilman or your dick's gonna fall off.
You have no dick, asshole. Piss off!
- I hope you don't believe everything you hear
- No.
You know if they're lying,
you should write something too
-Set the record straight.
-Yeah, maybe I will.
- What happened between you and Gavin Riley?
- That's nobody's business
- You're a motherfucker on that triangle, man.
- Thanks
- What's your name?
- Dave Melnick.
Dave, tell me. How'd you like to be a star?
I'd like to be a star.
Most people only see a block of stone
the artist sees the statue trapped inside
Kev, Julie's my best friend.
but you're so freakin hot.
I know.
You skanky little ho
"You can chain me, you can torture me,
you can destroy my body"
"but you will never imprison my mind."
Mohandas Gandhi.
Check it out. I finally landed us two ads.
RJ's records on Main St and
that kid Django
who sells weed on the playground.
-I'll scan them in.
-Yeah, good.
What are you up to, Gilman?
If this school's an ass,
That's my foot.
Triple tens
Pathetic.
-Evie.
-Did you get it?
The double-thumb Gonzo Fist. Hunter S. Thompson.
It really grabs the eye by the balls of the throat.
That doesn't make any sense
but think I know what you mean.
I'm gonna stay up tonight and see
if I can finish the whole lay-out.
Gonzo files no. 1
Oh my God, Evie
This looks so professional.
I love it.
Wait till you see the website.
I kinda hope Schneeman doesn't
get murdered for this.
I know. Berserk.
This one's mine.
You might think it's stupid so
Evie
I have like 40+ moronic ideas every second
and I tend to express them all
A sex advise column?
This is cruel.
If they want a whore, I'll give them a whore.
Bastards.
Let them see how it feels.
Ever feel lost, lonely, weird, really ugly?
last to get the joke?
Ever wonder where the party is?
Ever get a dodge ball on your face?
Pop a boner in your sweat pants?
Ever feel embarrassed about being smart?
Ever feel just like staying in bed all day,
all week, all year?
You ever feel misunderstood, cheated, alone?
Ever wonder why nothing ever feels easy ever?
Well, this paper's for you
Welcome to the Gonzo Files
Hey that's me.
Look she's making herself puke.
-Thanks for the unrealistic body image, bitch.
-What?
-I'm not bulimic, you asshole. I was puking
my guts out from the cafeteria food.
-Right, right.
-The Hendrix of the triangle?
-Yeah.
Oh my God. That's brutal.
-Damn, they put him in a whole locker.
-Who are these creeps?
You whore!
"I've had the misfortune of being bullied
by Johnny Rock since he came to Parker in 9th grade."
"Over the years he has worked long and
hard to perfect his patented wedgie technique."
"that combines elements of public humiliation
and excruciating physical pain"
"into a veritable bouillabaisse of terror."
"Take it from me, in the world of raging assholes ..."
Johnny Rock stands alone.
Congratulations, Johnny. You earned it.
Now if you'll excuse us, we're late for gym.
Physical education. It's important
Why aren't you dead right now?
Everyone knows Marlene Katsmeyer's
curvy just not like this.
-Haters, eat your hearts out.
-Damn, Elephant girl really is smokin'.
Horny Rob!
You go, boy!
Wait, listen to this.
"Dear Easy E, I have a very small penis."
"In fact, I'm one of the few guys
who can actually pee on his own balls."
"Do you know of any procedures or
exercise that can improve my length and girth?"
"Please help. I'm scared I'll never
be able to please a woman."
"Sincerely, Ryan McCloud.
That preppy guy who always wears rugby shirts."
This letter is bullshit!
I am long and strong!
No. I've seen your sad, SAD excuse for a penis.
Last year when I gave you a
hummer in the boys' bathroom?
Don't you remember?
I mean, that's what you told everybody.
What are you...you saying it's not true?
You're a nasty little liar, aren't you, Ryan?
Say it.
Say "I'm a nasty little liar
and I deserve to be spanked."
Say it.
Say it. Say it.
Say it.
You can go to hell!
I want this written in English.
Attention. Attention students, will Edward Gilman
please report to the principal's office.
Mr. Gilman.
You caused quite a commotion today.
But that's now always such a bad thing, yes?
We think it's cute what you did.
Cute?
You certainly hit a nerve.
Have a seat.
Now there's a lot about your
paper that is inappropriate.
and in very poor taste and
I seriously considered disciplining you
but your essential message-saluting the unsung
heroes of parker prep has real value
Gonzo
as long as you agree to tone it down...a lot
and to work under Gavin's supervision
We're prepared to give you a small budget and
to make your little paper an official supplement to The Courier.
Well, what do you think?
Well, gentlemen
I'm flattered by your offer...really
But you see...
If I accept your money
then I have to accept your rules and
Sorry but my readers will not allow the Gonzo
to be censored by anybody.
Let me put it another way.
If you put out another issue,
I'm going to suspend you.
I guess you'll do what you have to do
and I'll do what I have to do.
Meeting adjourned? Great.
Big mistake, Gilman. Big mistake.
May I say it was fun.
It's been a really long time since I had fun.
Cute.
They called my paper "cute."
-Who?
-Who do you think?
Riley? Who cares what that asshole thinks.
Don't let him get in your head, Gonzo.
That's what he wants.
What if he's right?
What if people really do see this paper
as just another prank
like streaking across stage during graduation
But that's not what this is.
Look, on the website people are
already sending me letters
Real letters looking for advice.
And not just about perverted sex shit either
You have no idea how many girls
were screwed over in this school.
I'm gonna try and help.
See that's cool.
yeah your thing is really cool
What did I write?
About some stupid shit
about a triangle player.
Great reporters find great
subjects, change things...
Give yourself a break.
It's only the first issue.
This is the premise. Parker Prep was built
over a graveyard for the criminally insane.
And now, these psychotic ghosts all rise
up from the dead and killing everyone in school.
It's up to a band of brave students
well-versed in the dark arts to save the day.
- These brave students are led by Hyperion?
- That is correct.
- I have the first 16 issues ready.
- Deadline's November 23rd. Next!
I device Rudoku, which is like
Sudoku but for word lovers.
They're fiendishly clever.
I don't think so.
This is a manifesto on the coming
environmental apocalypse
I wanna print it on the front page.
Every word.
That's cool, man...okay...
Glad someone's looking ahead.
Planning for the future.
"It's called out and about in Parker Prep"
If you're in the closet, we will hunt
you down and drag you out by force.
We're bullshit detectors too.
Right on.
His problem is he's not horny enough.
I want nudity. I want spycams
in the girls' locker room kinda shit.
- I mean quit teasing me, man.
- "More T and A". Duly noted, thank you very much.
You don't have to be dicks about it.
- I'm Stone. This is Malloy.
What are you guys, characters
from a mid-70s cop show?
No, we're sophomores. And we love The Gonzo.
We want be your interns, y'know.
Fetch you coffee.
-Run you errands, whatever.
-We just wanna learn.
You guys wanna help? Get everybody in a line.
Tell them they'll all get a chance as long
as they order something to eat.
- You mean we're hired?
Correct.
Okay, people. You wanna talk, you gotta eat!
Take a menu and line your asses up.
Stone and Malloy. Good addition.
-Hey! Are you gonna tell me what's going on?
-With what?
-With Easy.
- You're hanging out, right?
-No.
C'mon. She 420-friendly, bareback-rider,
fluent in French?
Dude, c'mon. Stop.
She's not like that.
No. You're spending all of your time with her.
You cannot tell me you're just friends.
We're...
Colleagues.
Yeah, colleagues.
Geez, you are an idiot!
You. Sloppy Joe-time, of course.
Fantastic! Thank you very much.
I'm telling you, sir, you need to try this out. It's unbelievable.
Look, I bring my lunch from home.
I'll give you half.
-It's brain food.
-Oh no!
No. That shit is nasty. Please.
Just give my man the Joe.
- I think I want the Joe.
- Give him the Joe.
Okay! Alright.
You want the Sloppy Joe?
You got it.
Here, take a little more.
Nice and sloppy
- How long's he been in there?
- A while. He's been there a while. He's got a weak stomach.
- I hope he's okay.
- Yeah, I'm sure he's fine.
- You okay. Doing well these days?
- Yeah.
I've got it!
We do an investigative piece into the
health conditions in our cafeteria.
They shut us in that lunchroom
and then they poison us!
I bet a lot of kids have gotten sick this year.
We have to find out why.
I'm gonna give you a couple of breath mints.
Coz your breath really smell bad right
now due to the vomit in your throat.
-This is the story.
-Where do we start?
We have to get the school nurse's records.
- Gonzo! Those are confidential.
It'll never happen.
Right. All part of the cover-up.
Yeah. Let me get my laptop. I got an idea.
-What's your idea?
-Let's put a poll question on the website.
Let's see if we got any responses.
Sorry. Not a lot of people come up here.
No one, actually.
I'll be good.
You won't have to hit me.
Oh my God, we have 11 hits already.
You're kidding me.
Look who's liking the site now.
I can see that it's a useful tool.
I don't see why you have to rub it in my face.
Hey look, that cheerleader really wasn't bulimic.
She was out of school for salmonella.
Salmonella is a really serious illness.
She probably got a doctor's note.
-That's hard evidence, we can print it.
-and scan it.
This is really big.
We have to interview everybody.
Let's go over what we know.
The majority of these complaints
are about the sloppy joes, the taco or the burger.
So, class...
What do all these things have in common?
The meat. -The meat. -Meat.
- The meat!
- Good job, Rob.
-Thank you.
-Yeah, the meat.
The beef. I wonder what
company Parker Prep uses.
You can ask Principal Roy about that.
No, I couldn't. He doesn't
know we're doing another issue.
Only one way to find out.
My God, look!
Anybody in here?
Goddamn, Ratatouille!
Every night with you guys!
Let's keep shooting.
This stuff is gold.
Not only were conditions shocking
but further investigation revealed this meat to be Grade D.
which is only used in pet food and school lunches.
The expirations dates were all slightly off.
Gonzo people demand answers.
Gonzo people demand justice.
We will not stop until both are ours.
- Unacceptable!
- I told you I wasn't lying.
This is why I puked, bitches.
Have you seen this?
This is disgusting.
I'm never going in there again.
The ink work is insane.
- This is like early Steve Ditko.
Thanks, bro.
I can put you in the next issue.
Any superpower you want.
I wanna see through walls.
Yes!
You're kidding me.
Okay, everybody! Listen up.
There are inspectors from the Board of Health in there.
They're shutting the cafeteria down! We won!
I don't think Roy can keep us inside anymore.
We gotta eat somewhere, right?
Let's get the hell outta here.
Gonzo! Gonzo!
I'm hungry!
Get some mushu pork.
Get a salad for christsake
You really think you can beat me, Gilman?
Please. You're playing checkers
and I'm playing chess.
- I'm always 10 steps ahead.
- Whatever, man.
Roy would like to see you. Now.
We had no idea he was even
doing this. Doesn't that bother you?
Honey, you act like he's building
bombs in the garage.
He's been suspended, Arthur.
That means he can't make the honor roll.
His grades are slipping too.
Columbia's gonna laugh at him.
You are like a robot now.
Who's programming you? This is magic.
Okay? Some people never do anything this
special their whole lives and you are missing it.
I'm not even sure they
have a right to suspend you.
You should fight it.
There are some first amendment issues there.
-Not the First Amendment.
-He should be able to write what he wants to write.
No one's disputing the facts of the story.
Stop it!
Do you want to make a bigger mess?
Let him get through high school
then he can save the world.
Listen, Eddie. I know how special you are.
But you just can't act on every impulse.
If you don't plan for life and put things in place,
you're gonna regret it. Trust me.
-Gonzo Gilman? The Parker Prep whistle-blower?
-Yeah that's me.
I'm Charlie Ronald. I do a segment on
"Local Heroes" on New York 3.
- Oh yeah. Charlie Ronald, "on the streets."
- "And in your face." That's me, yeah.
- Mind if I ask you a few questions?
- Yeah, sure.
Might wanna put some pants on first.
- How'd you find me?
- You're not the only one chasing stories, kid.
Stencil. Here you go, man. That's yours.
Gonzo's like Nelson Mandela
or John Gotti
Someone who fought for his people,
ended up in jail because of it
And now it's all of our responsibility
to spread the word, okay!
Are you with us, brother?
That's what I'm talking about.
We got 97 signatures.
Roy's gotta know how we feel, man.
No justice, no peace!
Who said the revolution wouldn't be televised?
Now that's what I call lunch.
- Are you watching it?
It's insane.
27 code violations in this school's cafeteria
but Principal Roy still refuses to comment.
It's insane.
27 code violations in this school's cafeteria
but Principal Roy still refuses to comment.
We'll be making a full statement.
We're not gonna do it in the parking lot.
Meanwhile Gonzo Gilman is sweating out the 4th day
of a week-long suspension that many feel is unjust.
The question must be asked.
Is the wrong person being punished here?
Does Parker Prep even have the right to censor him?
This is Charlie Ronald for New York Free News.
On the streets and in your face.
Charlie Ronald is your old college buddy.
You made him do this, didn't you?
You know how Eddie gets carried away.
You're just setting him up for a fall.
-I know your early decision at Brown, Evie.
But check this out.
The dean from Columbia finally wrote me back.
He's impressed with my stuff and
apparently, I'm on the shortlist.
I know, it's huge.
Dean fuckin Herbert on the Gonzo
Who says he's gonna fall?
Come back and see us again.
I sing on Thursdays.
That's a good cup of coffee.
Busy day, huh?
Just like the old days before McDonald's
and Pizza Hut moved in.
You couldn't get a table in this place.
This whole Gonzo thing must be good for you, huh?
Saved my business. I'll tell you that.
For now anyway.
Cuts both ways, doesn't it?
- What do you mean?
- You are his biggest advertiser,right?
First advertiser too.
I'm the one that got the whole ball rolling.
You see?
He couldn't do it without you.
I guess we helped each other.
I'll say you have.
We're open in the backroom
for the first time since '98.
We're gonna have a big party.
Why don't you come.
Saturday night?
- Yeah. It'll be fun.
- Maybe I'll check it out.
Is Gonzo here? He's coming, right?
He said he was coming but
he's grounded so who knows.
Hey, dude!
We got Gonzo
30 seconds to stage.
Alright Melnick.
Get his ass off the stage!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
My man, the freedom fighter from Parker Prep.
Give it up for Gonzo Gilman!
My people!
What schools, and police and governments
fail to realize
is that we've got the power!
You know what's a damn shame
is when we forget that too.
You know what I'm seeing right now?
I'm seeing that we're starting to realize.
Do you see that?
Do you see what we can do?
You gonna print another issue?
What do you think?
I'm from North. He's from Central.
She's from GW.
We wanna go Gonzo on our schools too.
We wanna really blow some shit up that way.
Right on. We can just send you the lay-outs.
All you have to do is pull 'em out.
Just tell the truth, brothers and sisters.
That's all I ask.
Even if the truth hurts.
What's up, Gilman?
Riley?
I came to congratulate you, man.
You had an idea. You followed it through.
And it worked.
That's pretty cool, man.
Uh...Thanks, man.
Our humble little paper is coming out on Monday.
It's not the Gonzo but
There's a really interesting article in there
I think you should check out.
Okay.
Evie.
Evie Wallace!
You are glowing.
I'm really happy for you.
For both of you.
Monday.
We should get outta here, right?
This party's totally dying down.
We can go back to my place. My parents are gone.
After after party. Just the staff.
Yeah. Rally the troops.
You know, I've been working it
-I think tonight it's finally going down.
-What?
Every man's fantasy
You know what the French call "eating for three?"
Robbie ...
I'll be right there.
Oh sweet Jesus, no.
- Oh yes.
Pretty nervous.
It's my first time but
I put my camera in there, I set it up
so I'm just gonna film myself and
watch it later and see how I did.
-Hey, I'll s how it to you if you want.
-Oh no. That's really okay.
Wish me luck, man.
Prayin for you.
-Let's hope there's enough of me to go around, right?
-Yeah.
Are you a virgin?
What?
Have you ever had sex?
We're just really divin in there, aren't we?
Remember Elizabeth Frankel?
She moved away last year. She's in our grade.
We've been best friends since elementary school.
We made this pact to get it over with.
How was it?
Embarrassing...if truth be told.
There I was humping away
Thought I was doing great.
Really thought I was championing that sex
I looked up at one point to
see how she was liking it...
She had this confused,
sorrowful look on her face
Turns out my dick was actually
caught in her comforter.
- Get out!
- I won't.
It was a really soft and satiny comforter.
You've gotta believe me.
Anyway, then we finally got it in for real
You know that whole awkward dance
Just really trying to keep my flag flying
Finally she gets into it
and she starts moving around and
It was over in like
Ten seconds...Seven seconds.
Yup. I was a real pleasure machine that night.
What about you?
You ever do it?
Evie, c'mon. I told you mine.
You gotta tell me yours.
- Law of reciprocation.
- Oh really, I didn't realize there are laws involved here.
Well now you know.
It's not a good story.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
I think you brought it up because
you really wanna tell me.
Evie, my first time was with a blanket.
Gonzo! Are you up there?
I need water!
Let's get some air.
Last year, I had to take this science
class with Riley.
And I had this mad crush on him
like all the girls.
And I was trying to flirt with him and everything
Finally he invited me to this really cool party
And I wore this little dress
And I got really drunk
It was stupid but
I was just really nervous, y'know.
Anyway, I wind up losing my virginity to the guy...
Which was okay.
It was sort of what I wanted.
But it turned into this total nightmare.
I was so messed up that
I didn't notice his jock buddies
were there cheering us on.
And after he was finished
This other guy tried to get in on me
I had to fight him off
I was crying. I was trying to get my clothes on.
I was trying to get out of the house.
It was horrible.
And Gavin Riley acted like
the whole thing was a joke.
He didn't defend me or anything
He laughed
He totally disputes it at school the next day
and all these rumors started that
I did the whole wrestling team.
He ruined my life.
Son of a bitch.
Ever since then not only
have I not had a boyfriend
I really don't have anybody.
Just sort of shut down, I guess.
Evie, listen...
Not everybody in this world
is an asshole like Gavin Riley.
I'm not.
I know.
-Let's go slow, okay.
- Yeah
Eddie! Breakfast!
Hey Mr. Sandman, get up! Get up!
Gilman!
You need a life.
- Gonzo, is it true?
- Did you really do it, Gonzo?
Do what?
- What the hell?
- Listen up, Gonzo
Riley has proposed the following chain of events
That Errol bankrolled your paper, and you broke
into the school at night and planted
the rats and roaches in the kitchen
The health inspectors came
and closed down the cafeteria
necessitating that we eat at off-campus
diner thus saving Errol's business.
- Riley claims that was your plan.
- That is ridiculous!
Thing is Riley has a pretty good slam on us.
He's even got surveillance
photos and everything.
But these are from when we got the footage.
We didn't plant anything.
He actually expects people to believe this?
- You better be suspending Riley!
- Calm down, Mr. Gilman.
Calm down. I got in trouble for telling the truth.
This is nothing but lies. Don't tell me he's gonna skate.
There's gonna be a thorough investigation,
believe me and I don't answer to you.
I'm gonna do a little thorough investigation
of my own, if you don't mind.
I do mind.
In fact, if you respond with another issue of your paper,
I'll kick you out of school.
You and all your sidekicks.
Consider yourselves warned.
This article is bullshit
and you know it.
- Prove it.
- Prove it? I'm gonna destroy you.
You better watch it, little guy.
I've got the goods on everybody.
Take it easy.
- What was that about?
- I don't know.
I don't wanna find out.
I have a plan, guys.
I've been thinking about it all day.
We have to interview those health inspectors.
Get the nurse's full records.
Do a background check on continental meats.
We gotta fight back.
Okay who wants to do what?
Anyone?
- We've all been talking a little bit.
-Behind my back?
No man, c'mon.
We just don't think that we should do another issue.
What?
We've already taken this so much further
than we ever thought we could
- It's been awesome but
- We cannot get expelled.
Shneeman, nobody's getting expelled.
First amendment, man. Roy's bluffing.
Sorry, I can't risk it. I worked my
whole life to get into Princeton.
- My parents will have a shitfit.
This might blow your minds guys but
some things are more important than college.
-Riley's story is bullshit!
-Yeah.
You're over-reacting.
Just put something on the website like:
"Anyone can make allegations without a shred of proof.
We stand by our story 100%"
Stand strong.
You guys just aren't seeing the bigger picture here.
Gonzo Gilman isn't just your friend anymore.
Okay? He's a public figure.
He's a public figure that stands for truth
and justice and freedom.
And that is why if we don't prove that
everything in that article is an outright lie
And the man who wrote them is a liar,
my name is dirt!
And everything we've done together is dirt!
We need one more issue. Come on!
One little hit and you all fold.
What's wrong with all of you?
Well, this talking in the third person
business is kinda creepy for one.
Gonzo ...
All you have to do is graduate
and you get to go to your dream school
Are you really gonna let Riley ruin that?
Then he really wins.
You need to let this go.
Remember history.
If Napoleon had stopped at Austerlitz,
he never would've had his Waterloo.
You're just scared of Riley.
That's all this is. You know it.
So I got about 8 lbs. of it.
- What's wrong?
- Nobody cares about the truth, dad!
- What?
- Why didn't you tell me that?
Eddie!
- Would you like to try the capon, sir?
- Looks delicious.
- Now that's what I call spread, Gav.
- Fresh capon?
Belgian endive?
Okay folks, let's settle down.
We're gonna get started.
Quiet down, folks. Let's sit down.
What fresh hole is this?
Today is a very proud day at Parker Prep.
Our own Gavin Riley has
won the Van Buren Prize.
The most prestigious history
award in the country.
It's for his paper "The History of Torture
Tactics and Psychological Warfare."
Torture tactics and psychological warfare?
Incredibly, Gavin is the third
member of his family to win this award.
And brothers, Shawn and Marcus,
are with us today. Come on up, guys.
They're passing the torch.
Let me see if I got this right.
Shaun is at Dartmouth?
and Marcus is at Yale.
- And Gavin, you wanna tell us where you're going next year?
- Stanford. Only decision.
Mr. and Mrs. Riley should write a book.
Gavin Riley, why don't you say a few words, please.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
I just want to say that
Standing on this stage with my two brothers
... it's the proudest moment of my life.
Schneeman!
You gonna tell me what's going on, man?
- What do you mean?
- Psychological Warfare?
The history of torture tactics.
Those are your twin passions.
You were gonna write
your Van Buren paper on that.
Riley just had the same idea.
Schneeman, we have been
through too much together.
Okay, man. Level with me.
Did you make some kind of deal with him?
This is totaly off the record.
You can't tell anyone, okay? Promise.
I gave him my paper in exchange
for protection from the bullies for the entire school year.
- What? You've gotta be kidding me!
- It's true.
And honestly, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
I'm living fear-free for the first time, floating on air!
It's like a terrible weight has been lifted.
- The onions on this guy! I swear...
- Gonzo!
You can't tell anyone.
Please. PLEASE!
Remember when you found out
when Santa Claus didn't really exist?
That your father was really the toothfairy
or that Barry Bonds didn't get
his muscles from eating spinach?
Well, my friends, today, sadly,
another idol must fall.
Holy shit.
Gonzo has completely lost his mind.
King, Gandhi or Parks I sort of understand
but Patrick Henry has no historical relevance whatsoever.
Schneeman, you better look at this.
Scott Marshall Schneeman
had enough.
Enough of the teasing, of the beatings,
of the humiliations he had to suffer his entire life.
so when Gavin Riley came
to him with a nefarious proposal
that would make his troubles magically disappear
Schneeman was more than ready to listen.
This is bad. So bad...
A pretty Parker Prep student, who shall remain
nameless, made the mistake of falling for Riley's charms.
Last year, he invited her to a party
and she accepted
expecting a night of fun,
possibly even romance.
But what she experienced that night
was a horror that changed her life forever.
All his academic records should be called into question
including his SATs. He should probably be tested for
steroids too because he probably cheats at wrestling.
Gavin Riley is a total fraud
academically, personally, morally.
He needs to be unmasked
in every conceivable way.
How could you do this...to us?
You turned out to be worse than Riley.
You did this alone?
In my office now.
You are suspended indefinitely
pending an expulsion hearing.
- Schneeman, I'm coming, man!
- No! NO! Get away from me!
You broke your promise.
I'd rather stay here a week than be helped by you.
Leave! You're not my friend!
Leave! Why are you still here?
Leave! Leave! Go! GO!
Good for you, Schneeman.
Evie, thank God.
I've been calling you all day.
You're not gonna believe the day I'm having.
Fuck off!
- What? What's wrong?
- Look at the website, asshole!
- Did Riley post this?
- I told you to leave it alone but you wouldn't listen.
We can take this out.
We can delete it from the site. We're the administrators.
It's all over Youtube!
Evie ... Fuck!
One time! ONE TIME
I cheated and you had to bust me like that?
They're gonna take away my prize.
Stanford is gonna review my transcript.
You fucked up everything!
-You shouldn't have done it.
-You are nothing.
Nothing!
Nobody cares what you do.
My family ...
I have to win.
You have no idea how much
fucking pressure I'm under.
- How could you do that to Evie?
- YOU did it to her, Gilman!
Hey. I just missed you at the hospital.
My phone was off. Is he alright?
He's gonna be fine. He had to get
a few stitches but he's gonna be alright.
You okay?
You were right. This is a total disaster.
I can't believe he might not graduate.
I just get so caught up, babe.
I just want Eddie to have an interesting life.
And try for great things.
Everything shouldn't be about
pressure and stress and tests...
I know. I know.
I tend to forget that.
You're not the only one who gets carried away.
Eddie?
Eddie.
Jesus.
Let me see.
Wanna tell me what happened?
I messed up so bad.
I hurt everyone I care about.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sometimes you just have to look
the world in the eye and say you're sorry.
You mean like throw myself
at the mercy of the courts type of deal?
And pray they forgive you.
I've had a little practice of that myself.
- You need anything?
- I'm fine.
'famous apologies'
I'm deeply sorry that I did
not live up to what was expected of me
To every New Yorker and to all those who
believed in what I tried to stand for I sincerely apologize.
Indeed, I did have a relationship with
Ms. Lewinsky that was not appropriate
now this matter is between me, my wife
and our daughter, and our God.
I must put it right. And I am prepared
to do whatever it takes to do so.
I have sinned against you, My Lord.
And I would ask that Your precious blood
... wash and cleanse
every stain
'GONZO GILMAN
ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH'
In the past week,
I ruined my chance to go to college
I lost all my friends
The one girl I ever cared about
will probably never talk to me again.
I also got my face kicked in.
But after everything I've done,
I probably got off easy.
You believed in me
And I betrayed you all.
To the Gonzo staff -
Rob, Ming Na ...
I'm sorry I let my stupid egotistical war
get in the way of the beautiful thing we built together
Scott Marshall Schneeman,
you told me something in confidence, man
and I sold you out.
I hope you can forgive me but if you can't
hey, I get it.
To the unnamed girl,
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.
I've never felt this bad about
anything before in my life.
But that probably doesn't help you much.
I'll do anything.
I'll accept any form of punishment,
the crueler the better.
just give me another chance.
Hey. I heard they let you back in.
Yeah, my mom sweet-talked
Principal Roy at that hearing pretty hard.
There's no more Gonzo.
That's for sure.
- We wanna start up again next year.
- If that's okay with you.
We'll do it all online.
There are no principals in cyberspace.
We feel it's our duty, Gonzo.
The voice of the underdog must be heard.
- Power to the people.
- Riley been around?
- Hasn't shown his face.
- What a pussy.
- He should take his lumps like a man.
'MY HOUSE, 4PM'
Evie!
Thanks for seeing me.
- I just ...
- Don't tell me you're sorry.
I know you're sorry.
And don't think your little video meant anything.
It was just another Gonzo Gilman Production.
All about you.
- The what am I doing here?
Let's talk in the car.
After I saw that clip of me naked at the party,
I swore I'll never talk to you again.
I turned off all my lights.
Put on some really depressing music.
Got under my covers.
I was ready to say screw the world.
Shut everybody out.
Somehow it didn't feel right this time.
What?
Playing the victim.
It wasn't me anymore.
I know how to fight back now.
No matter what...
... asshole ...
...ASSHOLE...
... thing you did,
you gave me that.
you and your paper.
That was big.
So what are you saying, Evie?
Are we friends again?
Can we be friends again?
Can I trust you?
I mean really, really trust you?
My heart broke for you, Evie.
I know it did.
I learned my lesson.
What's so funny?
I'm just really relieved.
This has been killing me.
Don't get so ahead of yourself.
You still need to be punished.
Let's just say you better watch your back.
Okay. I think I can live with that.
- Do you want to get some food?
- Yeah.
We should probably throw Errol some business.
- What's the deal with this car?
- That is a whole other story.
- Did Riley post or Evie?
- No, but I did.
You have to scroll down a little bit more.
- Bingo! There we go.
- Oh no, Rob!
- Not the sex tape
- Yup. I posted the tape of me having sex with women.
- Press play.
- I really don't want to.
Push play
and you will see me communicating...
with my body.
Okay ...
See this? This is my truth.
Isn't that what Gonzo was supposed to be all about?
- Okay, don't touch me, dude.
- Okay. That's fine.
Watch the rest of it coz the end is really good.