Big and Hairy (1998) Movie Script
Dear Diary, I thought moving to an island
was gonna be fun.
Boy, was I wrong.
We've been living here for two months now
and I still haven't made
any friends on Cedar Island.
My journal entries have been as predictable
as the ceramic lawn ornaments rolling off
the assembly line at the Bumstock Factory
where my dad works now as a designer.
One after another
the same ducks, elves and bunnies
that people have been sticking
out on their lawns forever.
I thought playing on our
school's basketball team
would help me fit in, but it didn't.
I still didn't make any friends
not like I had back in Chicago.
But now, finally, I have something different
to write about, because tonight
my life on the island changed.
It got worse.
It happened just tonight at the brand new
Bumstock SportsPlex
named after Ludlow Bumstock
the Lawn Ornament tycoon.
He built the place 'cause he's nutty about
our middle school basketball team.
And since most of the islanders work for him,
I guess they want to keep the boss happy
Basketball is serious
business on Cedar Island.
Oh, come on, Greg. Help me out a little bit.
Which puts a lot of pressure
on our new coach Mr. Donavan.
Aw, you saw that foul.
I was hoping I could stay on the bench
when the game was on the line
because I didn't wanna lose it for us.
I'd rather be ignored than despised.
O'Malley shoots, a-at the wrong basket.
Uh, let's call it a pass.
Madison bringing the ball
up with time running out.
Alright, guys. Come on,
Dexter, make the pass.
What? Roland, what are you doing?
-Foul.
-Come on!
Oh, Roland. On the bench.
Oh, boy, now that's five on Lemay.
I could've scored.
Picasso, get in there.
Don't do anything stupid, Dewlap.
Dewlap now in for Lemay.
It's a good thing my parents love me
no matter what.
-Oh...
-It's a steal...
Over here! Come on. Come on, guys. Yeah!
Oh, come on.
Oh, wow, Dewlap is trapped.
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
-Come on!
-Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Come on, Picasso, you can do it.
And it's Dewlap on the line for two
at the end of regulation.
Right here, Son.
Two shots, both dead.
Down by one point
no time left.
Make both shots
and I'd be a popular guy.
Okay, just relax, Picasso. Take your time.
Okay, one more chance.
Stay calm.
Make this one and we go into overtime.
Just don't blow it.
Oh!
And the final score is Baxter Bay, 31,
Lawn Ornaments, 30.
Fire the coach, Bumstock!
It's okay, Picasso. Go-good try.
Oh! You choked!
You're a choker!
An island boy wouldn't have choked.
I didn't mean to.
Turn it down!
O-o-oh!
Hang on, Picasso, I'm coming.
I think we need to adjust that a little bit.
Okay, guys, just gather around
I wanna talk a little bit
about tonight's game.
We had an opportunity to pull this one out
you know we, we could
have, we could have won,
but... picking up a little bit short
that happens sometimes.
Don't worry about it. We'll
get 'em next time. Okay?
Yeah, if we get rid of Picasso.
Ah-ha! There he is!
Cedar Island's answer to Willie Mays.
Willie Mays is a baseball player, Dad.
And I bet he couldn't play basketball
as well as you.
You were wonderful.
And you looked quite dashing
in your basketball costume,
didn't he, Victor?
Oh, very handsome.
I think we should go to
Rodney's and celebrate
your first ever basketball game.
First game, first loss.
And the blame for that rests squarely
on the shoulders of the other team.
They simply scored too many points.
-No, Dad...
-Come on.
Oh, yes! The ice!
Oh, come on!
-Come on!
-Come on, Picasso!
Come on, I'll race you to Rodney's. Whoo!
I am a hungry father
It's burger time
It's burger time
Hurrah
-Oh, Dad!
-Cool.
-There's Mr. Bumstock.
-Oh!
Good evening, Mr. Bumstock.
Yeah? What's good about it?
The moon. It's lovely.
Yes, the moonlight and the briny smell
of the sea. It's marvelous.
Come on.
Here you go, Bub.
Every Lawn Ornament gets a free hamburger
after every game.
-Even when we lose?
-Especially when you lose.
Thank you.
Hey, B57.
Let me tell you people something...
Cedar Island is famous for two things
lawn ornaments and basketball.
Bumstock Lawn Ornaments
is still the world's finest.
But by Godfrey, our glorious tradition
of basketball excellence is on the way out.
And who do we have to thank for that?
-Donovan, that's who.
-Yeah.
That big overgrown goon of a coach
comes in here from away
and thinks he can run things his way.
He thinks he can let every boy
on the team play in every game
and still have a winning season.
Well, let me tell you it can't be done.
Do you realize this could be the first season
Cedar Island fails to make the
Tidewater League tournament?
-Now, you think about that.
-You gotta do something.
I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Yeah! I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Right out in the cove.
Maybe it was a man rowing a dinghy.
Sometimes our eyes
can play tricks on us, dear
and at night, well...
No. There was no man. I saw a bear.
-But how could a bear row--
-I-I don't know.
He was. In a boat.
He was hunched over the oars just like
like a dog poopin' a peach pit.
What are we doing here?
I wish we can move back to Chicago
back where my friends are.
This is where your father's work is, honey.
He was lucky to get this job, you know?
There aren't that many opportunities
for ceramic lawn ornament designers.
Even brilliant ones like my Victor.
I know, but it's just I'd
like to make some friends
and have some fun.
You will.
And you're gonna make a lot of friends.
I mean, after all, who
wouldn't wanna be your friend?
Better not choke tonight, Dewlap.
Back off, moron.
What?
Whoa!
Hey, Roland, grab a seat.
Hey, Picasso, if you lose
the game for us tonight,
this is your head.
Picasso Dewlap, he's the one!
He's our one and only son!
And The Fightin' Clams work the ball around.
Cedar island steals it!
Up the court on the break.
Pass to Lemay!
Basket! Lemay!
-Yeah!
-Bravo!
Bravissimo!
That's great, Picasso!
Okay, come on, guys. Gather
around. Come here for a minute.
Now, we'll play another good half,
but we're gonna play it as a team.
-Right?
-Right.
-We're gonna run a play for O.
-Okay, beautiful.
Okay, when I get in the
O zone, I'm unstoppable.
No, no, no. None of this O-zone business.
You cannot be afraid to get under the basket.
You're gonna go back
door for a layup, alright?
Well, I've got physical contact issues.
Okay, uh, just do your best and...
Team!
Hey, I hear Dexter's gonna
learn how to waterski next summer.
If he can get his bear to row fast enough.
Okay, clams in batter, clams in crumbs.
Go Cedar Islands, fry these bums!
Pass! Pass the ball!
Pass! Pass!
And Lemay is called for charging.
When is somebody gonna set a screen for me?
Get on the bench.
Picasso, check in.
Get in there.
Don't forget what I said.
Uh, I'm not feeling so good.
-What's the matter?
-I think I have the flu.
The-the Canadian flu.
I-I think I better stay on the bench.
-Put me back in.
-Just sit down.
Greg, get in there.
Four, three, two, one.
And the final score is the mighty, mighty
Fightin' Clams 44, Cedar Island 35.
How do they expect to win
with me sitting on the bench?
-Where's Donovan?
-What can I do for you?
Oh, you can learn how to coach.
What do you mean by let every
man on the team in the game?
That's no way to win.
What? Wait a minute.
Don't tell me how to coach.
You-you pay for the fancy
gym and the fancy locker room,
you buy the kids uniforms every year,
but, you know, this is my team still.
Well, then you better start winning
because the Lawn Ornaments
won under Old Doc Thompson
and now under you we're
losing. Isn't that great?
Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.
I'll take everything you
said into consideration.
Let me tell you something, Mister man,
if the Lawn Ornaments
don't get into the tournament
you are through, Donovan, you hear me?
You are through.
Merry Christmas.
Get dressed.
Everybody up, Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas!
Don't fight, little doggies. It's Christmas!
I have something for
the most beautiful woman.
Are you the most beautiful
woman? Have you been good?
I hope you've been good
because this is for you.
And it's the best present ever
made and you may have it...
Picasso! Can't have
Christmas without the boy!
-There he is!
-There he is!
-Merry Christmas!
-There he is!
Merry Christmas!
Now... me first.
Okay, okay. Here. I got this for you.
Just open it, come on, just...
It's not shaking.
Art supplies.
Oh, spoons!
These are going to sound
so beautiful on the porch.
And now for the Christmas boy!
Ah! Whoa! Yeah, that's cool!
I painted it to look like
one of your eyeballs.
For identification purposes and that way
anyone who sees it they'll know immediately
that it's your football.
-Basketball.
-Basketball. Your basketball.
And now,
for this year's
Christmas creation.
Yeah!
I don't know where I'm going...
Surprise!
Whoa-whoo-oa!
Where are you guys taking me?
Alright, now, no peeking.
Keep your blindfold on.
Okay, get ready for this year's
Christmas creation.
Alright!
Coconut, pi-pineapple,
some kind of flower I can't identify...
Mele Kalikimaka!
It's Christmas in Hawaii!
The volcano is Santa Claus
spreading happiness everywhere.
Oh! Merry Christmas!
-Mele Kalikimaka!
-Whoo-hoo!
Aloha! Merry Christmas!
Kahuna!
Kahuna!
And now, for the piece de la resistance...
-It's a map of North America!
-Wow!
Now you can study geography while you play.
A sound mind in a sound body.
Okay!
Oh, you've hit the Continental Divide!
Five points!
Thank you, guys.
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
Okay.
-Hey, Picasso!
-Hey, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, buddy, come on in.
Look what I got!
Wow, that's very interesting.
H-hey, look-look what I got!
Yeah. Hey, how about a turkey
sandwich and a piece of pie?
-Apple pie.
-Sure.
-Merry Christmas, Picasso.
-Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donovan.
What was that?
Santa's back.
I think it's a burglar.
Stealing jingles.
Yeah, maybe.
It's a-it's a, it's a...
It's a bigfoot!
It wasn't a bear!
It was a sasquatch. A-a bigfoot!
Dexter saw a bigfoot rowing a dinghy!
I think he likes me.
And I know why.
No offence, Mr. Donavan.
You two look like brothers.
I bet you he's been hiding
in the woods spying on you.
Because he thinks you're Bigfoot.
Well, he is certainly big and hairy.
Don't move, honey!
Evidently, I'm allergic to dogs, ragweed
and, uh, Bigfoots!
Hey!
Did anyone see that show about Bigfoots?
The one with the hidden
cameras way up in the mountains?
I bet he's been on one of those walkabouts.
You know, the-the Bigfoot kids have to do.
You know, to think about
life and grow up a little.
So, the further he got from the mountains
and the nearer he got to
the coast, the warmer he got.
So he just kept on wandering.
So you're saying he got
lost trying to find himself?
It could happen.
I just wanted it out of here.
Please.
Geez, he's shaking.
Hello?
Elizabeth, is it alright
if a friend spends the night
at our house tonight?
You've made a friend.
Victor, sweetie?
Picasso's made a little friend.
Achoo!
-Wait!
-I'm coming.
I can't wait to meet your little friend.
Hello.
Achoo.
Come on.
Come on, it's okay.
Come on, come on.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They'll-they'll like you when they come to.
I think you'll remind them
of some of their friends
in Chicago.
Uh, oh, this is Victor's studio.
Oh, this is my parents' Christmas creation.
Watch this.
Ooh! Yeah!
Sleep tight, big guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a
very tense moment right now.
With only five seconds left on the clock
Picasso Dewlap shoots and it's in!
The crowd goes wild!
He's going to take a hook
shot. What shall he do?
And he makes it, making basketball history!
Shoot it, shoot it!
Come on. Put it up, put it up!
Okay, come on!
Whoa!
Close the doors.
I'll be right back. Right back!
The exact same shots I
took in the exact same order.
That documentary said
they learn by imitation.
Yeah, but a Bigfoot playing
middle school basketball?
From what I know about Bigfoots
I'd say he's about 12.
That's the right age.
Yeah, well, it's the
right age, maybe, but, it's
the wrong species, Picasso.
He could be the greatest
player in the history
of Cedar Island middle
school. What am I talking about?
He could be the greatest
player in the history
of the whole league.
Yes, he could be.
But-but, uh, no-no.
It-it-it wouldn't be fair, Picasso.
-Please.
-Oh, Picasso, look.
The-the-the league
is for kids, it's, it's not...
No, it's not for animals.
But if I recruit a player this good
and when we start winning
games, maybe the other kids will...
Will what?
-Like me.
-Yeah, right.
Look, Picasso, we do not need
a Bigfoot on this team to win games.
And when the other kids get to know you
they're gonna like you for who you are.
I'm a choker from away.
No, you're not.
You're a great kid, Picasso.
A really great kid.
From Cedar Island.
Alright, I want these lawn ornaments loaded
and shipped by lunch time.
Now, so let's go, come on. Let's move it.
I haven't got all day.
Hey, be care... Don't put...
Put that down. Careful. Alright.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, hurry up, fellas.
Come on, come on.
Donovan, look out! What are you doing here?
Oh, happy holidays, Mr. Bumstock.
That's quite the operation
you have going here.
Yes, it is. I built this with my bare hands.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Uh, just don't forget what I
said about the tournament.
We don't get in you're fired.
You get fired from your first coaching job,
you won't get a chance anywhere else.
Happy new year, Mr. Bumstock.
Okay, okay, here I come.
Okay.
Mrs. Dingley's gonna meet us at the office.
How much does she know?
All she knows is that
she's gonna be enrolling
a new basketball player
and that she'll do anything
to help the Lawn Ornaments
make the tournament--
-Hey, come on. Stop.
-Even if it means...
Even if it means coming
in two days after Christmas.
Okay, come on, buddy. Get down, get down.
We better hurry if we're going to make this.
Okay, sit down. Sit down. Come on.
Pupil's name?
Ed Tibbetts.
Grade?
Sixth.
Uh, sixth grade.
Address?
4525 Breakwater Road.
There you go, Mr. Donovan.
Welcome to Cedar Island Middle School...
home of the lawn ornaments...
Alright.
-Let's go.
-Okay.
Okay, um, we have a new player
joining our team today.
Uh, his name is Ed Tibbetts,
he's-he's living with the-the Dewlap family,
and I want you to make
him feel at home, okay?
Ed?
Whoa! Whoa, guys!
It's fine. Just...
No, no, no, guys.
Guys, no. He-he's not gonna hurt you.
Come on. That's it.
Come on down.
Alright. N-now, Ed learns
by imitating what he sees.
I-It's sort of a "Sasquatch
see, Sasquatch do," okay?
So I want you to show him
how to play basketball right.
Okay? Fundamentals.
Okay, everybody, let's start
working on our passing drills.
That was very good, Ed.
Why don't you work on some dribbling?
Okay, guys, passing drills.
This is called passing the ball, okay?
Okay, passing the ball. Okay.
Something you'll never see Roland doing.
-Hey, Picasso. Come here.
-Yeah, Coach?
How's Ed doing?
Uh, he's calmed down.
Do you think he can handle sitting
on the bench for a while?
Yeah, I think so.
Roland!
When are you gonna start
being a part of this team?
You need to work on your passing.
Why don't you work with Ed for a while?
No, no, no, no! Get
outta here. Get outta here!
What're you guys... Street
shoes off the gym floor!
Get, get, get... What?
It's come to my attention that
you have a Sasquatch playing on the team.
S-so what?
Well, we're going to
introduce him to the public.
Good man.
Nice passing, Ed.
Let's work on some layups for a while.
Hey, get inside, quick.
How am I looking? Nice?
Is it good? Good. How's the hair?
Hey, don't get between
me and the camera, okay?
-Where's the Sasquatch?
-Cream, Sherry, please.
Just a little bit of cream.
-Come on, let's go on.
-Look, there's Bumstock!
Come on, come on, come on.
Excuse me. Are you somebody?
-Go away.
-Yeah.
Bigfoot!
Relax. I'm the coach.
Coach, Coach. Where's Dewlap? Dewlap?
Yeah. Dewlap.
-You're Dewlap, right?
-Yeah.
This is Picasso Dewlap,
who claims to be the first
person on Cedar Island
to actually have seen the
Bigfoot or the Sasquatch.
We're going to get to the bottom of this.
-Excuse me.
-Yeah?
Uh, I-I never claimed I
was the first to see him.
-Uh-huh.
-Uh, Dexter Madison was.
Dexter, hi, how are you?
This is Dexter Madison.
Excuse me, can I have your attention?
Can I have your attention?
Now?
Right. It is time for the photo opportunity.
The Bigfoot is waiting for you
at the at the Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
makers of the world's finest
ceramic gewgaws since 1915.
Alright, follow me.
Okay, okay...
Everybody keep together and follow me.
Now, on your left, that magnificent structure
is the world famous Bumstock
Lawn Ornament factory,
where everything is on
sale this weekend only.
-That's right. Now, this way.
-Hey, Dewlap, wait up!
Thanks for telling 'em I
was the first one to see Ed.
I mean, it was really neat to see them
write down everything I said.
They were really listening.
They didn't think I was
stupid or crazy or anything.
You know, I should've
told you this a long time ago.
I had a feeling you were right about
seeing Ed row in the dinghy,
'cause I-I found his footprints
behind the ovens at the factory the next day.
You did? W-why didn't you tell me.
Oh, I guess I was afraid to.
You seemed kind of mad at everybody.
Well, I wasn't mad at you.
You never made fun of me.
Yeah, I guess it was stupid not to tell you.
Yeah. Wicked stupid.
Alright, ladies and gentleman.
Come on, step right in.
Don't be afraid. Get in here.
Come on, come on. Here.
Don't forget to get the famous
Bumstock sign in the picture...
and, uh, I may have misjudged you,
you do know how to win.
You know, using a Bigfoot really is...
It's brilliant. It's brilliant.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
now, come on, step right in,
don't be afraid.
I'm gonna bring him out now...
a real Bigfoot straight
from the heart of the forest,
Ed Tibbetts!
That's no Bigfoot. That's a-that's a fake.
Ludlow Bumstock knows whereof he speaks.
Ed Tibbetts is a genuine Bigfoot.
It's a hoax.
You didn't even take the trouble to look...
do some research on this thing.
Why don't you come up
here and take a closer look?
Well, I will, this is the
cheesy scam perpetrated
on a gullible and unsuspecting...
That's a Bigfoot.
-Over here...
-Mr. Bumstock...
"Cedar Island welcomes
Big Harry Lawn Ornament."
Yeah!
No, I don't want to let him practice
until he gets sneakers.
I don't want him to slip and fall on his...
Not again.
You've got a Bigfoot on your team.
Yeah, well, I think the whole
world has heard about it.
-Hm.
-You want to meet him?
No. I...
I don't want to meet him
in a basketball game either.
It's not fair to put a seven foot animal
in against a bunch of kids,
and you know it.
I'm not gonna to stand for it.
Oh, you won't, huh?
Well, you can't tell me what to do.
Yeah? Well, maybe I can't.
But I've filed a complaint today
with the Tidewater League
Athletic Directors' Association,
and they can tell you what to do.
It's all spelled out right here.
You show up at the hearing tomorrow
and say goodbye to your big, hairy...
Uh, Fred, Ed.
Lawn Ornament.
Nice sport coat.
I'm ticked off and my Fightin' Clams
are ticked off too.
Well, of course they are,
with a name like the Fightin' Clams.
I think you'd see a change in outlook
if you gave them a more
peaceful, loving name,
something, maybe, like the Nurturing Clams.
-Yes.
-Or even better...
The Nuturin' Clam.
You could drop that final "G"
to give it more sportiveness.
I love it.
We-e-e are not here today to
change the name of my team.
We're here to make sure our kids
don't get mauled to death by a wild animal
while trying to play basketball!
E-excuse me. Excuse me.
E-Ed, Ed really is very gentle.
He-he wouldn't hurt anybody,
I mean, even if he is strong enough to,
you know, rip the
tailgate off a pickup truck.
-It's true.
-Yeah. Yeah. But...
The fact of the matter is...
For the love of the Tidewater League Rulebook
makes no provision for wild animals.
I, I'd like to say something.
-What? He can't--
-Shut up.
I think he's right about going by the book.
Huh?
I've read the book, and as far as I can see,
it refers to male and
female athletes. Period.
It doesn't refer to species.
And Ed is s male athlete.
A male Sasquatch athlete...
but a male athlete just the same.
He's right.
He qualifies.
Oh! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't allow a Bigfoot
to play in Tidewater League
against kids.
It's just not fair.
We don't have a Bigfoot.
We have to go by the book.
-Change the book!
-We will.
-Next year.
-Huh?
For this season, the ruling stands.
No, Lord...
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo!
-Hurrah.
Hurrah!
Whoa!
Whoa! Hold up.
Whoa! Hold on. Gotta get the door.
Hold on, guys.
So, you guys want to do something?
-Ho!
-Hey!
-Yeah!
-Ha! Ah!
-Ah!
-Yeah!
Watch out!
Yeah!
Save me!
This was the best day
I've had on Cedar Island...
maybe my best day ever.
When I asked Coach
Donovan to put Ed on the team,
I'd hoped I'd make some friends,
but I never thought I'd be this lucky.
Ed's turning me into
the king of Cedar Island.
Whoa!
Getting on track
Can't look back
Feel so flashy
When my shades are black
Broke the rules
Played the fool
Peanut butter jelly sandwich after school
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
On the town
Played the clown
Act a bit crazy
If I stand around
Made a lot
Out of what I've got
Feel so spacey like an astronaut
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo
Ed, baby, happy Harvey Hanson
of the Hi-Hopper Sneaker Company.
The brand that pros get paid.
I mean love to wear.
Ed, my man, it's a
pleasure to gift your sweet,
sweet feet with a pair of size 38
sextuple E basketball sneakers
that'll make you turn
into a king of the court!
Yes, I love it, I love it.
That's it. Get out of the
way. Get out of the way.
Here we go. Come on. How's the light?
Come on. Move it. Move it!
Come on, and... This is taking forever.
Come on, come on. Got the
shoe ready, and here we go.
-Okay, Peter, get it going.
-A shoe. A shoe.
A shoe. I love it. You're
great. You're great.
Okay, come on, come on.
Keep it going. Keep it going.
Come on. Give me something suave.
-Suave.
-Beautiful.
And debonair.
Come on, let's go for it.
That's it. That's it. Come on.
That's it. I smell money!
Come on, people!
Ed, he's our man.
And the Spuds control the tap.
The ball goes out of bounds.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
-We want Ed!
-Yeah, he passed.
Madison up for it. Over to Lemay.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
-We want Ed!
-Madison shoots...
Yeah!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
Yeah! Ed!
-Ed.
-Hmm?
Get in the game.
Go, Ed, go!
And entering the game
for the Lawn Ornaments is...
Ed Tibbetts.
Okay.
Rebound, Madison. The
ball goes up the court...
Alright, Ed. No showboat. Come on.
Take it. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed.
Let's go, Tibbetts.
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
Tibbetts called for
goaltending. Basket Spuds.
-Yeah!
-Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah!
We have lift off!
That's a pair for the mountain of hair.
Ho-ho! Baby!
Just remember to, uh, I'll say something,
and you say something, and, uh,
just try to relax and-and don't get
between me and the camera.
-Is this your wife?
-Yes. Yes, it is
Oh, you are beautiful.
Would you join us for this interview?
-Sure.
-Thank you so much.
Are you ready to go, Coach? Here we go.
So this must be...
So this must be a great time for you.
Uh-uh, yes, it is.
Yeah, yes, yes, it, uh,
we-we're very happy to have Ed on the team.
Um, he has all the-the skills
you like to see in a big man.
He's-he's...
He's big.
Uh, has a fine work ethic,
and you know, now it's
just a matter of finding
the-the-the right combination
of players, uh, to-to
uh, compliment his skills
in the different situations
that we face as a team.
But you can't tell me that, uh,
because of all the
publicity that Ed's getting
that you don't have serious problems
with some of your players, you know,
being jealous of-of-of Ed.
Uh, no, no. No, we don't have
any-any jealously problems.
Uh, Ed makes the other
12 players, uh, better.
Hold on.
Excuse me. We're doing an interview here.
Save it, I have something to say
and you're not going to like it.
Uh, in all the excitement of
having a Sasquatch play basketball
in the Tidewater League,
I overlooked an infraction of the rules.
Coach Donovan, you have
13 players on your team,
and the rule book clearly states
you can have no more than 12.
I'm sorry to say the Spuds win by forfeit.
-Oh!
-That's-that's not fair.
I'm afraid you can't use Ed Tibbetts.
We're doomed.
Unless you get rid of
one of the other players.
That's wrong.
Turn in your uniform, Do-less.
I joined the team so I could make friends.
Now if I stay on the team and keep Ed off,
everyone will hate me.
If Ed's not on the team,
then the Lawn Ornaments
won't make the tournament
and Mr. Donovan will get fired.
Why shouldn't I quit?
I'm the one from away.
Who needs a choker?
Time for school, Ed.
There's the boy.
You think these pants are good color for him?
Of course.
They bring out the color of his eyes.
I'm worried about the pants.
You don't think they cup
the buttocks too much, do you?
-Ah?
-Hm.
Cup the buttocks?
Well, they do have a certain...
Je ne sais quoi.
Joie de vie.
Picasso, are the kids wearing
pants that cup the buttocks.
-I haven't noticed.
-Don't worry, my dear.
-They'll fit right in.
-Hm.
What about me?
There he is.
Who needs him anyway?
Okay, everybody, let's
start studying chapters
five through seven
because there's going to be a test on Friday.
-Oh...
-A test!
-Another test.
-Test.
Mr. Donovan?
Can I talk to you?
Yeah. What's up, Picasso?
I've decided to quit the team.
-Yes!
-Yes!
-Brilliant!
-Huh?
You can let Ed play in my place.
Picasso, you don't have to do this.
You-you have as much right
to be on this team as Ed does.
Even more.
B-because you've been on
the team longer than he has.
-I want to do it.
-Why?
Picasso?
I can't even make a basket.
It says a motorist spotted
two adult Bigfoot up the coast yesterday.
Masters of camouflage
spotted by a pair of motorists?
Highly unlikely.
Probably a couple of kids
playing around in Bigfoot costumes.
Or maybe conceptual artists.
No wonder they like Ed.
Who'd want a geek like me for a friend?
I used you to make friends.
I was too stupid to understand
that you are my friend.
I'm sorry, Ed.
Look at this!
By Godfrey!
Look at the expression in the eyes!
Circumspect.
That is a circumspect expression!
Bumstock ducklings are supposed to be...
Insouciant.
Insouciant?
Every season, we have
new models of ducklings,
and every season their
expressions are insouciant?
Right.
The squirrels are wistful.
The gnomes...
are puckish.
And the ducklings are...
-Insouciant.
-Right.
Now when I see shoddy work like this,
I'm not surprised that Christmas
sales were down this season.
And I'm warning all of you right now...
if the spring line doesn't
make back the money
we lost at Christmas,
heads will roll!
Now turn down the heat.
The bills are killing me.
-Where is it?
-Here's a clam.
That's not a clam. That's a rock.
So, why'd you quit?
It would've been selfish to stay on the team
and keep Ed off.
He was born to play basketball.
No, he's wasn't.
He was born to live like a
Bigfoot with other Bigfoots.
It's not fair to keep him on the team.
It's not fair for the other schools,
and it's not fair for Ed.
Wh-what do you mean it's not fair to Ed?
The only thing anybody cares about is winning
stupid basketball games.
Nobody cares about Ed.
But Ed likes basketball.
He also likes rowing my dinghy,
but I'm not hiring him to do that.
He's like a big baby, Picasso.
Everything's fun to him.
He don't know any better.
When you quit the team,
you should've have took Ed with you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I do too.
Guys like Roland, they think I'm stupid.
They laugh at me.
I guess it makes them feel special.
And I don't-I don't like it.
And I don't want to see it happen to Ed.
Yeah I don't know why I came in tonight
I got the feeling that
something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how
I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep
this smile from my face
'Cause you told me I'm all over the place
Clowns to the left of
me jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you
Well you started out with nothing
And you're proud that
you're a self made man
And your friends they all come crawlin'
Slap you on the back and say
Please
Please
Trying to make some sense of it all...
It's Port Alfred, eight.
Um, uh, Tibbetts, 52.
'Cause I don't
I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of
me jokers to the...
That Tibbetts knows how to
play the game of basketball
he could've started for Old Doc Thompson.
Ah!
Free hamburgers for your three?
Please.
I'm not on the team anymore.
Close enough.
I got to use this meat up anyway.
Business has been slow.
-Food's great.
-Yeah.
-It'll pick up.
-It's funny.
You'd think having a winning basketball team
would make everybody
want to gather here together
at the cafe and celebrate.
But I'm tellin' you, if those Lawn Ornaments
continue to slaughter those other teams
I might go out of business.
Bundle up.
It's warm.
Isn't that strange?
Yeah. The weather changes fast around here.
The high pressure front
colliding with the jet stream.
Stay with us for a recap
of the day's headlines.
Congratulations to the mighty Lawn Ornaments
on their sinking
of the Port Alfred Schooners last night.
Ninety-seven to 15.
Be sure to attend the next
exciting game next Friday
at the Bumstock Sportsplex,
when we'll rip the fur
off the Chester Greenwood
Middle School Earmuffs!
-Oh!
-Ah!
Ed, would you like me to make
you a peanut butter sandwich?
What's wrong, Ed?
Ed? Ed, come on.
Picasso...
I think maybe Ed needs
to spend a little time alone.
He's got to be very, uh, mixed up right now.
Living like a human boy, goin' to school...
playing basketball.
Maybe he misses his parents.
Ed? Ed?
Ed?
Ed? Where are you?
Ed!
Are you okay?
Come on.
Come on, you're gonna be okay.
Come on. Come on, get up.
Ed, we were so worried.
Ed, you poor thing.
I don't know what to do about Ed.
He's not happy here anymore.
He seems so lonely.
Maybe he does miss his parents.
But I don't want him to go.
I don't know what to do.
-Let's go!
-Come on!
And it's a steal for the Bulldogs.
Deuce for the dogs.
Don't give up.
-Yeah!
-Come on, boys.
Oh!
Give 'em the ball!
Throw it away.
-What're you doing?
-Pass, Roland, I'm open.
-Oh!
-Oh!
Where's Ed?
Do I have to do everything myself?
Roland, I...
just...
Bench it! Now!
Spiky, get in there.
Donovan!
You couldn't coach girls' field hockey!
Are you gonna let everybody play?
You take out Lemay, you put in Spikey!
Spikey is three feet tall!
He has to reach up to dribble the ball!
Do something!
Throw 'em up and send 'em out!
-Yeah.
-Too bad!
Bring it over here, Jerry!
Bumstock has the ball on top of the key,
fakes the shot, goes around
an incredible 360, goes up,
up, up, and he score...
Mr. Bumstock?
The big day has finally arrived.
The day when I unveil to you
my new design for the spring line.
I felt that, uh,
if we could move in some new directions,
we might be able to
inject a note of freshness.
-Cut the gab and pull the cloth.
-Yes, sir.
Oh, you don't know how I crave
such a strong response to my art.
Dewlap, what are you trying to do?
Ruin me?
Do you think that homeowners
are gonna wanna put
statues of...
fish guts on their lawns?
Fish guts.
No, Sir. It's...
It's not fish guts. It's...
It's not supposed to
look like, like fish guts.
-Well, it does.
-No, Sir. It...
It represents the miracle of spring time.
And I'm sure that when
people see it, they're going--
They're gonna laugh at me.
That's what they're gonna do!
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
You... would like that, wouldn't you?
-Well, no, Sir.
-Oh, yes, you would.
Well, you're not gonna get a chance
to make a monkey out of me.
You're fired!
Thank you.
Thank you.
I haven't been fired. I've been freed.
I've been liberated!
I look upon this as a great opportunity.
From this moment on,
Victor Dewlap creates alone
in his own studio.
I don't need Ludlow
Bumstock to tell me what to do.
Of course not.
He doesn't understand art.
-And he doesn't understand you.
-Exactly.
I guess the Dewlaps just
don't fit in here any better
than Ed does, we're just different.
But of course we're
different. That's why we fit in.
What do you mean?
Son...
all of us, every one of us,
has to find our own
unique place in the world.
Our own special way to live our lives.
If we try too hard to fit in by being
exactly like somebody else,
it's never gonna work,
because somebody else
has already taken up that spot.
I get it.
If we were all the same, nobody would fit in.
Exactly.
It's like basketball.
If all the players know the
job they're supposed to do
and do their job, the team plays beautifully.
But if they forget their assignments
and start trying to do things
that other people are supposed to do,
well then, the team just loses the game.
My husband is a basketball genius.
And that's why they call me Mr. Touchdown.
-That's football.
-Right.
Come in.
-Hi.
-Oh, Mr. Donovan!
-Mr. Dewlap. Fine, thank you.
-Welcome, welcome. Come in.
-Have a seat. Uh...
-What are you doing here?
I'm-I'm fine. Thank you. Uh...
So, i-is-is Ed gonna go to school tomorrow?
He can't. He has a really bad cold.
Well, y-you know, if he
doesn't go to school tomorrow,
he-he can't play tomorrow night.
He needs his rest.
Um... after the game,
he-he-he could go to
the Valentine's day dance.
Yeah, th-they're gonna,
they're fixing up the, uh,
the-the, the ca... The ca... The gym.
Um, with-with paper
cupids a-a-and one of those,
um, uh...
Mm, they're good.
And, one of those, uh, mirrored balls
going around the ceiling and...
See, the thing is, if we
don't win tomorrow night,
we don't go to the tournament
and, and, and, and if I can get away
with leavin' Ed on the bench all night,
I'm gonna do that, I will.
It's just that, uh...
Mm-hm. Okay.
Oh, boy! Um...
If...
If we lose, um...
I'm gonna get fired.
This is really good.
And Cedar Island's got
now in the back court...
Steals! And a clam bucket!
Next time, pass the ball to me, cement head.
Hey! I do what Mr. Donovan
says, not what you say.
Call me a name again,
and you'll be sorry, Roland.
No! No, no, no, no!
Guys, that wasn't the buzzer.
Just get back in there. Go!
Where's Ed?
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
So, Ed, how you feelin'?
'Cause, you know, you look really good.
They are just killin' us.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
So do you think you can
give me a couple of minutes?
Please.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
And two points for the thing.
You did the right thing.
I feel this magic
Oh you caught me off guard
Your eyes are like diamonds
They are shining little too hard
Then I get the fever
Nothing can hold me down
I won't be leaving
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you wanna dance with me
Jump around twist around
Kick off your shoes and twirl around
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you wanna dance with me
He's a wicked good dancer.
My grandma would say he
has a lovely sense of rhythm.
Twist around
Kick off your shoes and twirl around
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you're gonna dance with me
Just tell me you're gonna dance with me
-Whoo!
-Go, Ed.
Go, Ed!
I wanna thank you fellas for comin' in early.
-Oh, no problem.
-No problem, Coach.
Men, um...
We face a big challenge tonight.
-Yeah.
-Huh?
Rockweed Harbor is a really good team.
But you know what?
I think we're a better team.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
But in order to win...
each man...
has got to do his job.
And there's one more thing.
As far as Ed is concerned...
I took advantage of him because, uh...
because I was afraid of losin' my job.
And I'm not very proud of that.
So you know what?
Ed has played his last
game as a Lawn Ornament.
-No!
-What? No!
Guys, we don't need him to win.
We're good enough. We really are.
And, Picasso...
if you will forgive us...
No, if you forgive me...
we would all really like to
have you back on the team.
I don't think so. Thanks.
And now we would like to
present you with a token of gratitude
for all the happiness that
you have brought to our island.
Wow! Uh...
This is, this is really beautiful. Thank you.
Nobody has ever given us anything like this.
I-I don't know how I can thank you all.
You can win.
Win tomorrow night or you're fired.
What? Wait-wait a minute.
You-you told me that if
we got into this tournament,
I could keep my job. Now we're here.
You can't go back on your word now.
You can't tell me what I can
or I cannot do. I built this place.
And I don't take orders from some goon
who's too stupid to use the
tallest player on the team.
Well, "Use" is the right word for it.
We've been-we've been using
an animal unfairly against kids...
just to satisfy some selfish old bully
who thinks he's king in the world.
Well, no more, Bumstock.
We're-we're not going
to play with Ed anymore.
And if we lose...
well...
it's better than cheating to win.
-Yeah.
-You said it, Coach.
-He's right.
-That's right. Let's cheer...
I'll remember this.
Thanks.
Hey, Choker!
You trying to make us lose?
No, I'm not.
You are, too, and that's why you told Donovan
that Ed can't play!
I didn't tell him that.
You're just so jealous of
me 'cause you choke so bad
and the only way you can get
back at me is to make us lose.
Cut it out, Roland.
You want us all to be losers,
just like your stupid loser
can't-hold-a-job father!
Don't say that about my father.
He's a weirdo. You're a weirdo.
And you both ought to
go back to whatever planet
you came from, because you
don't belong here on the island.
-And you never will.
-Shut up!
Island boys are winners.
I'm not a loser, Roland,
and my father's not a loser.
You're the loser!
If you'd stop hogging the
ball and you started doin'
what Mr. Donovan said, you guys could win!
Ow! My hand! Oh!
I let you make me feel like a piece of dirt,
but no more, Roland.
I live here, and whether you like it or not,
that makes me and island boy!
You get it, Roland?
I'm an island boy!
Welcome back.
Picasso, your mother's
tea is a great consolation.
It drives away care and soothes the soul.
I feel a haiku coming on.
Your beautiful green tea...
A frog plops into a spring puddle...
Cheers.
Ooshi Mooshi.
It's for you. It's a man with a cold.
-Hmm.
-Hello?
Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you.
If you play, Dewlap, I'll murderlize you.
Does your mother know you
make prank calls, Roland?
Huh? Don't tell. This is..
This isn't Roland Lemay.
This is somebody else.
-And I'm big and I'm a...
-Loser.
You're a real big loser,
Roland, and everyone knows it.
Come on, Ed, we've got to
go get ready for the game.
"Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you."
What a loser. As if I'd miss
the championship finals.
Come on.
Yeah!
Try one. Try one.
No, no!
Help! Put me down!
Put me down!
Come on.
Put me down. Put me down.
Please?
Now I get it.
Those sasquatches are Ed's parents.
They want their boy back.
He missed them, too...
and I know just how he feels.
Hey-hey, Ed, tell your
parents I like them, too,
but I've got-I've got to get to the game.
Oh, no! No, wait!
Ed! Tell your dad to put me down! Ed!
What are you doing?
No! Ed!
Ed, you can't take me back
to the mountains with you!
No! Let me go!
Please, Ed? Don't take me with you.
I'll die in the woods. Please.
Just let me stay and play in the game.
Please.
Please, please, please.
-Hey, pass me my towel.
-Has anybody seen my shorts?
-Picasso?
-What's going on?
What happened to Picasso? Are you okay?
-What happened, buddy?
-Are you alright?
It's okay. I'll be alright.
Mr. Donovan, Lawn Ornaments.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Tibbetts.
Okay! Just hold still.
-Team Team! Team! Play!
-Team! Team! Team! Play!
Yes!
Come on, guys. Go out there and win! Come on!
Go, team!
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the championship final
of the Tidewater League Middle
School Basketball Tournament.
The Baxter Bay Bulldogs versus
your Cedar Island Lawn Ornaments.
Locker room.
-Picasso, you feelin' okay?
-Yeah.
Lawn Ornaments control the tap.
Come on, come on. Make them play. Not bad!
Myers to Madison.
Back to Myers. He puts it up.
And it's Baxter Bay with a rebound.
Baxter Bay into the forecourt.
Inside. Back out.
Lawn Ornaments, an early foul trouble now.
Okay, buddy, get in there.
-Give me a "D!"
-"D!"
-Give me an "Exter."
-Exter!
What have you got?
Dexter!
Dexter! Dexter! Dexter!
Madison beats the press.
Up the court.
He finds Myers. He scores!
Oh! Hey, hey!
Go, go!
Hey, what was that about?
That's a technical foul.
Are you okay?
You're gonna have a heck of a shiner there.
-Really?
-Yeah.
You want to go sit down for a while?
-No, no, I'm okay.
-Yeah?
Okay.
O'Malley throwing his weight around.
Oh, boy.
That's the end of the first half.
Okay, guys, we're down to eight players.
So we have to gotta stay
out of foul trouble, alright?
-Everyone? Team!
-Team!
-Come on, let's go.
-Yeah, let's go, let's go...
More foul trouble for the Lawn Ornaments.
Right! Yes!
That's all for O'Malley.
And we've reached the end of regulation
with a score tied at 26.
We're going into overtime.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me, Your Worship.
But, uh, my wife and I
were wondering if the boys
who fouled out might not be allowed
to rejoin the game for the overtime.
No. No, way. Sorry.
You seem to be very rigid on this issue, sir.
Well, those are the rules. That's the game.
Yes, but-but isn't it counter-productive
to-to banish the players?
I mean, shouldn't we better serve them
by trying to get at the root of the problem.
Why are they committing these fouls?
Perhaps, it's a desperate plea for attention?
Isn't there a chance
they'll feel disenfranchised
sitting on the bench while
their peers are playing,
and as a consequent act,
they'll act out all the more?
I don't know. All I know
is I've got a game to call.
But they need the chance
to forgive themselves.
Oh, the Lawn Ornaments
are running out of players.
You think you can help us out, Picasso?
Go for it.
And Dewlap is coming in
now for the Lawn Ornaments.
Foul.
On the line.
Everyone set?
Two shots.
It's Baxter Bay 29, Lawn Ornaments 28,
with two seconds left in overtime.
Dewlap at the line for two shots.
-Oh!
-Oh!
One shot.
Time out.
Time out, red.
Okay, guys, I want you to remember the way
you showed Ed how to play, alright?
Let's keep the fundamentals,
do your jobs and have fun.
Basketball's a game!
Okay, now, you're all set? One shot.
Choke! Choke!
He's not gonna choke!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
That's right! He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy, alright!
-Yeah! I did it!
-That's the way!
Yes! Yeah! I did it!
-Whoo!
-Yeah! Ah!
I did it! I did it!
-Oh, oh, my boy!
-I did it!
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Whoo!
That a boy, Picasso!
We did it. Yeah, we did it!
What do you want, Dewlap? I mean, Picasso.
I just want to invite you into the party.
Do you want an old duffer like me in there?
I didn't even go to the gig.
All the more reason to
go in now and talk about it.
Come on.
Oh-wey-oh
Oh-oh-wey-oh
Oh-wey-oh
Quiet.
-Quiet, please.
-Shh!
He's gonna say something.
Thank you.
Uh, I have an announcement to make.
Ludlow Bumstock is a nincompoop.
I want to apologize to Mr. Donovan
and to all of the Lawn Ornaments
for puttin' so much pressure on them to win.
And I, I just hope you'll all forgive me.
If you want to know why
I've been such an old fool
all these years...
Because the greatest thing
that ever happened to me was...
playing on that championship team
when I went to Cedar Island.
And I've been sinkin' my
money into the basketball team
all these years
to try and get back that feeling
that I had when I was a part of the team.
But I never could...
Till just a few minutes ago and...
Young Dewlap here invited me in.
And...
Now I've got that feeling back, and...
not about winning ball games...
it's about fitting in with people and...
and belonging.
And I haven't felt this good
in 50 years, and I owe it all to
young Picasso Dewlap here.
I feel good, too.
Wicked good!
Well, is this a party or what?
P.S. What a season!
Mr. Bumstock made Victor his partner
in the Lawn Ornament company,
and has pledged some of the money they make
from the statues of Ed to
pay for a nice insulated cabin
for the Tibbetts' in the mountains.
I learned a lot about basketball,
but a whole lot more about being a friend.
Thanks, Ed.
I guess human beings
can learn by imitation, too.
It'll be fun for me to visit Ed up there,
but I'll like it even more
when he comes to see me
here on Cedar Island,
the place where I fit in.
---oOo---
was gonna be fun.
Boy, was I wrong.
We've been living here for two months now
and I still haven't made
any friends on Cedar Island.
My journal entries have been as predictable
as the ceramic lawn ornaments rolling off
the assembly line at the Bumstock Factory
where my dad works now as a designer.
One after another
the same ducks, elves and bunnies
that people have been sticking
out on their lawns forever.
I thought playing on our
school's basketball team
would help me fit in, but it didn't.
I still didn't make any friends
not like I had back in Chicago.
But now, finally, I have something different
to write about, because tonight
my life on the island changed.
It got worse.
It happened just tonight at the brand new
Bumstock SportsPlex
named after Ludlow Bumstock
the Lawn Ornament tycoon.
He built the place 'cause he's nutty about
our middle school basketball team.
And since most of the islanders work for him,
I guess they want to keep the boss happy
Basketball is serious
business on Cedar Island.
Oh, come on, Greg. Help me out a little bit.
Which puts a lot of pressure
on our new coach Mr. Donavan.
Aw, you saw that foul.
I was hoping I could stay on the bench
when the game was on the line
because I didn't wanna lose it for us.
I'd rather be ignored than despised.
O'Malley shoots, a-at the wrong basket.
Uh, let's call it a pass.
Madison bringing the ball
up with time running out.
Alright, guys. Come on,
Dexter, make the pass.
What? Roland, what are you doing?
-Foul.
-Come on!
Oh, Roland. On the bench.
Oh, boy, now that's five on Lemay.
I could've scored.
Picasso, get in there.
Don't do anything stupid, Dewlap.
Dewlap now in for Lemay.
It's a good thing my parents love me
no matter what.
-Oh...
-It's a steal...
Over here! Come on. Come on, guys. Yeah!
Oh, come on.
Oh, wow, Dewlap is trapped.
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
-Come on!
-Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
Come on, Picasso, you can do it.
And it's Dewlap on the line for two
at the end of regulation.
Right here, Son.
Two shots, both dead.
Down by one point
no time left.
Make both shots
and I'd be a popular guy.
Okay, just relax, Picasso. Take your time.
Okay, one more chance.
Stay calm.
Make this one and we go into overtime.
Just don't blow it.
Oh!
And the final score is Baxter Bay, 31,
Lawn Ornaments, 30.
Fire the coach, Bumstock!
It's okay, Picasso. Go-good try.
Oh! You choked!
You're a choker!
An island boy wouldn't have choked.
I didn't mean to.
Turn it down!
O-o-oh!
Hang on, Picasso, I'm coming.
I think we need to adjust that a little bit.
Okay, guys, just gather around
I wanna talk a little bit
about tonight's game.
We had an opportunity to pull this one out
you know we, we could
have, we could have won,
but... picking up a little bit short
that happens sometimes.
Don't worry about it. We'll
get 'em next time. Okay?
Yeah, if we get rid of Picasso.
Ah-ha! There he is!
Cedar Island's answer to Willie Mays.
Willie Mays is a baseball player, Dad.
And I bet he couldn't play basketball
as well as you.
You were wonderful.
And you looked quite dashing
in your basketball costume,
didn't he, Victor?
Oh, very handsome.
I think we should go to
Rodney's and celebrate
your first ever basketball game.
First game, first loss.
And the blame for that rests squarely
on the shoulders of the other team.
They simply scored too many points.
-No, Dad...
-Come on.
Oh, yes! The ice!
Oh, come on!
-Come on!
-Come on, Picasso!
Come on, I'll race you to Rodney's. Whoo!
I am a hungry father
It's burger time
It's burger time
Hurrah
-Oh, Dad!
-Cool.
-There's Mr. Bumstock.
-Oh!
Good evening, Mr. Bumstock.
Yeah? What's good about it?
The moon. It's lovely.
Yes, the moonlight and the briny smell
of the sea. It's marvelous.
Come on.
Here you go, Bub.
Every Lawn Ornament gets a free hamburger
after every game.
-Even when we lose?
-Especially when you lose.
Thank you.
Hey, B57.
Let me tell you people something...
Cedar Island is famous for two things
lawn ornaments and basketball.
Bumstock Lawn Ornaments
is still the world's finest.
But by Godfrey, our glorious tradition
of basketball excellence is on the way out.
And who do we have to thank for that?
-Donovan, that's who.
-Yeah.
That big overgrown goon of a coach
comes in here from away
and thinks he can run things his way.
He thinks he can let every boy
on the team play in every game
and still have a winning season.
Well, let me tell you it can't be done.
Do you realize this could be the first season
Cedar Island fails to make the
Tidewater League tournament?
-Now, you think about that.
-You gotta do something.
I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Yeah! I saw a bear rowing a dinghy!
Right out in the cove.
Maybe it was a man rowing a dinghy.
Sometimes our eyes
can play tricks on us, dear
and at night, well...
No. There was no man. I saw a bear.
-But how could a bear row--
-I-I don't know.
He was. In a boat.
He was hunched over the oars just like
like a dog poopin' a peach pit.
What are we doing here?
I wish we can move back to Chicago
back where my friends are.
This is where your father's work is, honey.
He was lucky to get this job, you know?
There aren't that many opportunities
for ceramic lawn ornament designers.
Even brilliant ones like my Victor.
I know, but it's just I'd
like to make some friends
and have some fun.
You will.
And you're gonna make a lot of friends.
I mean, after all, who
wouldn't wanna be your friend?
Better not choke tonight, Dewlap.
Back off, moron.
What?
Whoa!
Hey, Roland, grab a seat.
Hey, Picasso, if you lose
the game for us tonight,
this is your head.
Picasso Dewlap, he's the one!
He's our one and only son!
And The Fightin' Clams work the ball around.
Cedar island steals it!
Up the court on the break.
Pass to Lemay!
Basket! Lemay!
-Yeah!
-Bravo!
Bravissimo!
That's great, Picasso!
Okay, come on, guys. Gather
around. Come here for a minute.
Now, we'll play another good half,
but we're gonna play it as a team.
-Right?
-Right.
-We're gonna run a play for O.
-Okay, beautiful.
Okay, when I get in the
O zone, I'm unstoppable.
No, no, no. None of this O-zone business.
You cannot be afraid to get under the basket.
You're gonna go back
door for a layup, alright?
Well, I've got physical contact issues.
Okay, uh, just do your best and...
Team!
Hey, I hear Dexter's gonna
learn how to waterski next summer.
If he can get his bear to row fast enough.
Okay, clams in batter, clams in crumbs.
Go Cedar Islands, fry these bums!
Pass! Pass the ball!
Pass! Pass!
And Lemay is called for charging.
When is somebody gonna set a screen for me?
Get on the bench.
Picasso, check in.
Get in there.
Don't forget what I said.
Uh, I'm not feeling so good.
-What's the matter?
-I think I have the flu.
The-the Canadian flu.
I-I think I better stay on the bench.
-Put me back in.
-Just sit down.
Greg, get in there.
Four, three, two, one.
And the final score is the mighty, mighty
Fightin' Clams 44, Cedar Island 35.
How do they expect to win
with me sitting on the bench?
-Where's Donovan?
-What can I do for you?
Oh, you can learn how to coach.
What do you mean by let every
man on the team in the game?
That's no way to win.
What? Wait a minute.
Don't tell me how to coach.
You-you pay for the fancy
gym and the fancy locker room,
you buy the kids uniforms every year,
but, you know, this is my team still.
Well, then you better start winning
because the Lawn Ornaments
won under Old Doc Thompson
and now under you we're
losing. Isn't that great?
Okay, well, thanks for dropping by.
I'll take everything you
said into consideration.
Let me tell you something, Mister man,
if the Lawn Ornaments
don't get into the tournament
you are through, Donovan, you hear me?
You are through.
Merry Christmas.
Get dressed.
Everybody up, Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas!
Don't fight, little doggies. It's Christmas!
I have something for
the most beautiful woman.
Are you the most beautiful
woman? Have you been good?
I hope you've been good
because this is for you.
And it's the best present ever
made and you may have it...
Picasso! Can't have
Christmas without the boy!
-There he is!
-There he is!
-Merry Christmas!
-There he is!
Merry Christmas!
Now... me first.
Okay, okay. Here. I got this for you.
Just open it, come on, just...
It's not shaking.
Art supplies.
Oh, spoons!
These are going to sound
so beautiful on the porch.
And now for the Christmas boy!
Ah! Whoa! Yeah, that's cool!
I painted it to look like
one of your eyeballs.
For identification purposes and that way
anyone who sees it they'll know immediately
that it's your football.
-Basketball.
-Basketball. Your basketball.
And now,
for this year's
Christmas creation.
Yeah!
I don't know where I'm going...
Surprise!
Whoa-whoo-oa!
Where are you guys taking me?
Alright, now, no peeking.
Keep your blindfold on.
Okay, get ready for this year's
Christmas creation.
Alright!
Coconut, pi-pineapple,
some kind of flower I can't identify...
Mele Kalikimaka!
It's Christmas in Hawaii!
The volcano is Santa Claus
spreading happiness everywhere.
Oh! Merry Christmas!
-Mele Kalikimaka!
-Whoo-hoo!
Aloha! Merry Christmas!
Kahuna!
Kahuna!
And now, for the piece de la resistance...
-It's a map of North America!
-Wow!
Now you can study geography while you play.
A sound mind in a sound body.
Okay!
Oh, you've hit the Continental Divide!
Five points!
Thank you, guys.
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
Okay.
-Hey, Picasso!
-Hey, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, buddy, come on in.
Look what I got!
Wow, that's very interesting.
H-hey, look-look what I got!
Yeah. Hey, how about a turkey
sandwich and a piece of pie?
-Apple pie.
-Sure.
-Merry Christmas, Picasso.
-Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donovan.
What was that?
Santa's back.
I think it's a burglar.
Stealing jingles.
Yeah, maybe.
It's a-it's a, it's a...
It's a bigfoot!
It wasn't a bear!
It was a sasquatch. A-a bigfoot!
Dexter saw a bigfoot rowing a dinghy!
I think he likes me.
And I know why.
No offence, Mr. Donavan.
You two look like brothers.
I bet you he's been hiding
in the woods spying on you.
Because he thinks you're Bigfoot.
Well, he is certainly big and hairy.
Don't move, honey!
Evidently, I'm allergic to dogs, ragweed
and, uh, Bigfoots!
Hey!
Did anyone see that show about Bigfoots?
The one with the hidden
cameras way up in the mountains?
I bet he's been on one of those walkabouts.
You know, the-the Bigfoot kids have to do.
You know, to think about
life and grow up a little.
So, the further he got from the mountains
and the nearer he got to
the coast, the warmer he got.
So he just kept on wandering.
So you're saying he got
lost trying to find himself?
It could happen.
I just wanted it out of here.
Please.
Geez, he's shaking.
Hello?
Elizabeth, is it alright
if a friend spends the night
at our house tonight?
You've made a friend.
Victor, sweetie?
Picasso's made a little friend.
Achoo!
-Wait!
-I'm coming.
I can't wait to meet your little friend.
Hello.
Achoo.
Come on.
Come on, it's okay.
Come on, come on.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They'll-they'll like you when they come to.
I think you'll remind them
of some of their friends
in Chicago.
Uh, oh, this is Victor's studio.
Oh, this is my parents' Christmas creation.
Watch this.
Ooh! Yeah!
Sleep tight, big guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a
very tense moment right now.
With only five seconds left on the clock
Picasso Dewlap shoots and it's in!
The crowd goes wild!
He's going to take a hook
shot. What shall he do?
And he makes it, making basketball history!
Shoot it, shoot it!
Come on. Put it up, put it up!
Okay, come on!
Whoa!
Close the doors.
I'll be right back. Right back!
The exact same shots I
took in the exact same order.
That documentary said
they learn by imitation.
Yeah, but a Bigfoot playing
middle school basketball?
From what I know about Bigfoots
I'd say he's about 12.
That's the right age.
Yeah, well, it's the
right age, maybe, but, it's
the wrong species, Picasso.
He could be the greatest
player in the history
of Cedar Island middle
school. What am I talking about?
He could be the greatest
player in the history
of the whole league.
Yes, he could be.
But-but, uh, no-no.
It-it-it wouldn't be fair, Picasso.
-Please.
-Oh, Picasso, look.
The-the-the league
is for kids, it's, it's not...
No, it's not for animals.
But if I recruit a player this good
and when we start winning
games, maybe the other kids will...
Will what?
-Like me.
-Yeah, right.
Look, Picasso, we do not need
a Bigfoot on this team to win games.
And when the other kids get to know you
they're gonna like you for who you are.
I'm a choker from away.
No, you're not.
You're a great kid, Picasso.
A really great kid.
From Cedar Island.
Alright, I want these lawn ornaments loaded
and shipped by lunch time.
Now, so let's go, come on. Let's move it.
I haven't got all day.
Hey, be care... Don't put...
Put that down. Careful. Alright.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, hurry up, fellas.
Come on, come on.
Donovan, look out! What are you doing here?
Oh, happy holidays, Mr. Bumstock.
That's quite the operation
you have going here.
Yes, it is. I built this with my bare hands.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Uh, just don't forget what I
said about the tournament.
We don't get in you're fired.
You get fired from your first coaching job,
you won't get a chance anywhere else.
Happy new year, Mr. Bumstock.
Okay, okay, here I come.
Okay.
Mrs. Dingley's gonna meet us at the office.
How much does she know?
All she knows is that
she's gonna be enrolling
a new basketball player
and that she'll do anything
to help the Lawn Ornaments
make the tournament--
-Hey, come on. Stop.
-Even if it means...
Even if it means coming
in two days after Christmas.
Okay, come on, buddy. Get down, get down.
We better hurry if we're going to make this.
Okay, sit down. Sit down. Come on.
Pupil's name?
Ed Tibbetts.
Grade?
Sixth.
Uh, sixth grade.
Address?
4525 Breakwater Road.
There you go, Mr. Donovan.
Welcome to Cedar Island Middle School...
home of the lawn ornaments...
Alright.
-Let's go.
-Okay.
Okay, um, we have a new player
joining our team today.
Uh, his name is Ed Tibbetts,
he's-he's living with the-the Dewlap family,
and I want you to make
him feel at home, okay?
Ed?
Whoa! Whoa, guys!
It's fine. Just...
No, no, no, guys.
Guys, no. He-he's not gonna hurt you.
Come on. That's it.
Come on down.
Alright. N-now, Ed learns
by imitating what he sees.
I-It's sort of a "Sasquatch
see, Sasquatch do," okay?
So I want you to show him
how to play basketball right.
Okay? Fundamentals.
Okay, everybody, let's start
working on our passing drills.
That was very good, Ed.
Why don't you work on some dribbling?
Okay, guys, passing drills.
This is called passing the ball, okay?
Okay, passing the ball. Okay.
Something you'll never see Roland doing.
-Hey, Picasso. Come here.
-Yeah, Coach?
How's Ed doing?
Uh, he's calmed down.
Do you think he can handle sitting
on the bench for a while?
Yeah, I think so.
Roland!
When are you gonna start
being a part of this team?
You need to work on your passing.
Why don't you work with Ed for a while?
No, no, no, no! Get
outta here. Get outta here!
What're you guys... Street
shoes off the gym floor!
Get, get, get... What?
It's come to my attention that
you have a Sasquatch playing on the team.
S-so what?
Well, we're going to
introduce him to the public.
Good man.
Nice passing, Ed.
Let's work on some layups for a while.
Hey, get inside, quick.
How am I looking? Nice?
Is it good? Good. How's the hair?
Hey, don't get between
me and the camera, okay?
-Where's the Sasquatch?
-Cream, Sherry, please.
Just a little bit of cream.
-Come on, let's go on.
-Look, there's Bumstock!
Come on, come on, come on.
Excuse me. Are you somebody?
-Go away.
-Yeah.
Bigfoot!
Relax. I'm the coach.
Coach, Coach. Where's Dewlap? Dewlap?
Yeah. Dewlap.
-You're Dewlap, right?
-Yeah.
This is Picasso Dewlap,
who claims to be the first
person on Cedar Island
to actually have seen the
Bigfoot or the Sasquatch.
We're going to get to the bottom of this.
-Excuse me.
-Yeah?
Uh, I-I never claimed I
was the first to see him.
-Uh-huh.
-Uh, Dexter Madison was.
Dexter, hi, how are you?
This is Dexter Madison.
Excuse me, can I have your attention?
Can I have your attention?
Now?
Right. It is time for the photo opportunity.
The Bigfoot is waiting for you
at the at the Bumstock Lawn Ornament factory,
makers of the world's finest
ceramic gewgaws since 1915.
Alright, follow me.
Okay, okay...
Everybody keep together and follow me.
Now, on your left, that magnificent structure
is the world famous Bumstock
Lawn Ornament factory,
where everything is on
sale this weekend only.
-That's right. Now, this way.
-Hey, Dewlap, wait up!
Thanks for telling 'em I
was the first one to see Ed.
I mean, it was really neat to see them
write down everything I said.
They were really listening.
They didn't think I was
stupid or crazy or anything.
You know, I should've
told you this a long time ago.
I had a feeling you were right about
seeing Ed row in the dinghy,
'cause I-I found his footprints
behind the ovens at the factory the next day.
You did? W-why didn't you tell me.
Oh, I guess I was afraid to.
You seemed kind of mad at everybody.
Well, I wasn't mad at you.
You never made fun of me.
Yeah, I guess it was stupid not to tell you.
Yeah. Wicked stupid.
Alright, ladies and gentleman.
Come on, step right in.
Don't be afraid. Get in here.
Come on, come on. Here.
Don't forget to get the famous
Bumstock sign in the picture...
and, uh, I may have misjudged you,
you do know how to win.
You know, using a Bigfoot really is...
It's brilliant. It's brilliant.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
now, come on, step right in,
don't be afraid.
I'm gonna bring him out now...
a real Bigfoot straight
from the heart of the forest,
Ed Tibbetts!
That's no Bigfoot. That's a-that's a fake.
Ludlow Bumstock knows whereof he speaks.
Ed Tibbetts is a genuine Bigfoot.
It's a hoax.
You didn't even take the trouble to look...
do some research on this thing.
Why don't you come up
here and take a closer look?
Well, I will, this is the
cheesy scam perpetrated
on a gullible and unsuspecting...
That's a Bigfoot.
-Over here...
-Mr. Bumstock...
"Cedar Island welcomes
Big Harry Lawn Ornament."
Yeah!
No, I don't want to let him practice
until he gets sneakers.
I don't want him to slip and fall on his...
Not again.
You've got a Bigfoot on your team.
Yeah, well, I think the whole
world has heard about it.
-Hm.
-You want to meet him?
No. I...
I don't want to meet him
in a basketball game either.
It's not fair to put a seven foot animal
in against a bunch of kids,
and you know it.
I'm not gonna to stand for it.
Oh, you won't, huh?
Well, you can't tell me what to do.
Yeah? Well, maybe I can't.
But I've filed a complaint today
with the Tidewater League
Athletic Directors' Association,
and they can tell you what to do.
It's all spelled out right here.
You show up at the hearing tomorrow
and say goodbye to your big, hairy...
Uh, Fred, Ed.
Lawn Ornament.
Nice sport coat.
I'm ticked off and my Fightin' Clams
are ticked off too.
Well, of course they are,
with a name like the Fightin' Clams.
I think you'd see a change in outlook
if you gave them a more
peaceful, loving name,
something, maybe, like the Nurturing Clams.
-Yes.
-Or even better...
The Nuturin' Clam.
You could drop that final "G"
to give it more sportiveness.
I love it.
We-e-e are not here today to
change the name of my team.
We're here to make sure our kids
don't get mauled to death by a wild animal
while trying to play basketball!
E-excuse me. Excuse me.
E-Ed, Ed really is very gentle.
He-he wouldn't hurt anybody,
I mean, even if he is strong enough to,
you know, rip the
tailgate off a pickup truck.
-It's true.
-Yeah. Yeah. But...
The fact of the matter is...
For the love of the Tidewater League Rulebook
makes no provision for wild animals.
I, I'd like to say something.
-What? He can't--
-Shut up.
I think he's right about going by the book.
Huh?
I've read the book, and as far as I can see,
it refers to male and
female athletes. Period.
It doesn't refer to species.
And Ed is s male athlete.
A male Sasquatch athlete...
but a male athlete just the same.
He's right.
He qualifies.
Oh! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You can't allow a Bigfoot
to play in Tidewater League
against kids.
It's just not fair.
We don't have a Bigfoot.
We have to go by the book.
-Change the book!
-We will.
-Next year.
-Huh?
For this season, the ruling stands.
No, Lord...
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo!
-Hurrah.
Hurrah!
Whoa!
Whoa! Hold up.
Whoa! Hold on. Gotta get the door.
Hold on, guys.
So, you guys want to do something?
-Ho!
-Hey!
-Yeah!
-Ha! Ah!
-Ah!
-Yeah!
Watch out!
Yeah!
Save me!
This was the best day
I've had on Cedar Island...
maybe my best day ever.
When I asked Coach
Donovan to put Ed on the team,
I'd hoped I'd make some friends,
but I never thought I'd be this lucky.
Ed's turning me into
the king of Cedar Island.
Whoa!
Getting on track
Can't look back
Feel so flashy
When my shades are black
Broke the rules
Played the fool
Peanut butter jelly sandwich after school
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
On the town
Played the clown
Act a bit crazy
If I stand around
Made a lot
Out of what I've got
Feel so spacey like an astronaut
Doo wah doo doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo wah doo doo doo
Doo
Ed, baby, happy Harvey Hanson
of the Hi-Hopper Sneaker Company.
The brand that pros get paid.
I mean love to wear.
Ed, my man, it's a
pleasure to gift your sweet,
sweet feet with a pair of size 38
sextuple E basketball sneakers
that'll make you turn
into a king of the court!
Yes, I love it, I love it.
That's it. Get out of the
way. Get out of the way.
Here we go. Come on. How's the light?
Come on. Move it. Move it!
Come on, and... This is taking forever.
Come on, come on. Got the
shoe ready, and here we go.
-Okay, Peter, get it going.
-A shoe. A shoe.
A shoe. I love it. You're
great. You're great.
Okay, come on, come on.
Keep it going. Keep it going.
Come on. Give me something suave.
-Suave.
-Beautiful.
And debonair.
Come on, let's go for it.
That's it. That's it. Come on.
That's it. I smell money!
Come on, people!
Ed, he's our man.
And the Spuds control the tap.
The ball goes out of bounds.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
-We want Ed!
-Yeah, he passed.
Madison up for it. Over to Lemay.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
-We want Ed!
-Madison shoots...
Yeah!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
Yeah! Ed!
-Ed.
-Hmm?
Get in the game.
Go, Ed, go!
And entering the game
for the Lawn Ornaments is...
Ed Tibbetts.
Okay.
Rebound, Madison. The
ball goes up the court...
Alright, Ed. No showboat. Come on.
Take it. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed. Take it, Ed.
Take it, Ed.
Let's go, Tibbetts.
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
Tibbetts called for
goaltending. Basket Spuds.
-Yeah!
-Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah!
We have lift off!
That's a pair for the mountain of hair.
Ho-ho! Baby!
Just remember to, uh, I'll say something,
and you say something, and, uh,
just try to relax and-and don't get
between me and the camera.
-Is this your wife?
-Yes. Yes, it is
Oh, you are beautiful.
Would you join us for this interview?
-Sure.
-Thank you so much.
Are you ready to go, Coach? Here we go.
So this must be...
So this must be a great time for you.
Uh-uh, yes, it is.
Yeah, yes, yes, it, uh,
we-we're very happy to have Ed on the team.
Um, he has all the-the skills
you like to see in a big man.
He's-he's...
He's big.
Uh, has a fine work ethic,
and you know, now it's
just a matter of finding
the-the-the right combination
of players, uh, to-to
uh, compliment his skills
in the different situations
that we face as a team.
But you can't tell me that, uh,
because of all the
publicity that Ed's getting
that you don't have serious problems
with some of your players, you know,
being jealous of-of-of Ed.
Uh, no, no. No, we don't have
any-any jealously problems.
Uh, Ed makes the other
12 players, uh, better.
Hold on.
Excuse me. We're doing an interview here.
Save it, I have something to say
and you're not going to like it.
Uh, in all the excitement of
having a Sasquatch play basketball
in the Tidewater League,
I overlooked an infraction of the rules.
Coach Donovan, you have
13 players on your team,
and the rule book clearly states
you can have no more than 12.
I'm sorry to say the Spuds win by forfeit.
-Oh!
-That's-that's not fair.
I'm afraid you can't use Ed Tibbetts.
We're doomed.
Unless you get rid of
one of the other players.
That's wrong.
Turn in your uniform, Do-less.
I joined the team so I could make friends.
Now if I stay on the team and keep Ed off,
everyone will hate me.
If Ed's not on the team,
then the Lawn Ornaments
won't make the tournament
and Mr. Donovan will get fired.
Why shouldn't I quit?
I'm the one from away.
Who needs a choker?
Time for school, Ed.
There's the boy.
You think these pants are good color for him?
Of course.
They bring out the color of his eyes.
I'm worried about the pants.
You don't think they cup
the buttocks too much, do you?
-Ah?
-Hm.
Cup the buttocks?
Well, they do have a certain...
Je ne sais quoi.
Joie de vie.
Picasso, are the kids wearing
pants that cup the buttocks.
-I haven't noticed.
-Don't worry, my dear.
-They'll fit right in.
-Hm.
What about me?
There he is.
Who needs him anyway?
Okay, everybody, let's
start studying chapters
five through seven
because there's going to be a test on Friday.
-Oh...
-A test!
-Another test.
-Test.
Mr. Donovan?
Can I talk to you?
Yeah. What's up, Picasso?
I've decided to quit the team.
-Yes!
-Yes!
-Brilliant!
-Huh?
You can let Ed play in my place.
Picasso, you don't have to do this.
You-you have as much right
to be on this team as Ed does.
Even more.
B-because you've been on
the team longer than he has.
-I want to do it.
-Why?
Picasso?
I can't even make a basket.
It says a motorist spotted
two adult Bigfoot up the coast yesterday.
Masters of camouflage
spotted by a pair of motorists?
Highly unlikely.
Probably a couple of kids
playing around in Bigfoot costumes.
Or maybe conceptual artists.
No wonder they like Ed.
Who'd want a geek like me for a friend?
I used you to make friends.
I was too stupid to understand
that you are my friend.
I'm sorry, Ed.
Look at this!
By Godfrey!
Look at the expression in the eyes!
Circumspect.
That is a circumspect expression!
Bumstock ducklings are supposed to be...
Insouciant.
Insouciant?
Every season, we have
new models of ducklings,
and every season their
expressions are insouciant?
Right.
The squirrels are wistful.
The gnomes...
are puckish.
And the ducklings are...
-Insouciant.
-Right.
Now when I see shoddy work like this,
I'm not surprised that Christmas
sales were down this season.
And I'm warning all of you right now...
if the spring line doesn't
make back the money
we lost at Christmas,
heads will roll!
Now turn down the heat.
The bills are killing me.
-Where is it?
-Here's a clam.
That's not a clam. That's a rock.
So, why'd you quit?
It would've been selfish to stay on the team
and keep Ed off.
He was born to play basketball.
No, he's wasn't.
He was born to live like a
Bigfoot with other Bigfoots.
It's not fair to keep him on the team.
It's not fair for the other schools,
and it's not fair for Ed.
Wh-what do you mean it's not fair to Ed?
The only thing anybody cares about is winning
stupid basketball games.
Nobody cares about Ed.
But Ed likes basketball.
He also likes rowing my dinghy,
but I'm not hiring him to do that.
He's like a big baby, Picasso.
Everything's fun to him.
He don't know any better.
When you quit the team,
you should've have took Ed with you.
You don't know what you're talking about.
I do too.
Guys like Roland, they think I'm stupid.
They laugh at me.
I guess it makes them feel special.
And I don't-I don't like it.
And I don't want to see it happen to Ed.
Yeah I don't know why I came in tonight
I got the feeling that
something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how
I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep
this smile from my face
'Cause you told me I'm all over the place
Clowns to the left of
me jokers to the right
Here I am stuck in the middle with you
Well you started out with nothing
And you're proud that
you're a self made man
And your friends they all come crawlin'
Slap you on the back and say
Please
Please
Trying to make some sense of it all...
It's Port Alfred, eight.
Um, uh, Tibbetts, 52.
'Cause I don't
I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of
me jokers to the...
That Tibbetts knows how to
play the game of basketball
he could've started for Old Doc Thompson.
Ah!
Free hamburgers for your three?
Please.
I'm not on the team anymore.
Close enough.
I got to use this meat up anyway.
Business has been slow.
-Food's great.
-Yeah.
-It'll pick up.
-It's funny.
You'd think having a winning basketball team
would make everybody
want to gather here together
at the cafe and celebrate.
But I'm tellin' you, if those Lawn Ornaments
continue to slaughter those other teams
I might go out of business.
Bundle up.
It's warm.
Isn't that strange?
Yeah. The weather changes fast around here.
The high pressure front
colliding with the jet stream.
Stay with us for a recap
of the day's headlines.
Congratulations to the mighty Lawn Ornaments
on their sinking
of the Port Alfred Schooners last night.
Ninety-seven to 15.
Be sure to attend the next
exciting game next Friday
at the Bumstock Sportsplex,
when we'll rip the fur
off the Chester Greenwood
Middle School Earmuffs!
-Oh!
-Ah!
Ed, would you like me to make
you a peanut butter sandwich?
What's wrong, Ed?
Ed? Ed, come on.
Picasso...
I think maybe Ed needs
to spend a little time alone.
He's got to be very, uh, mixed up right now.
Living like a human boy, goin' to school...
playing basketball.
Maybe he misses his parents.
Ed? Ed?
Ed?
Ed? Where are you?
Ed!
Are you okay?
Come on.
Come on, you're gonna be okay.
Come on. Come on, get up.
Ed, we were so worried.
Ed, you poor thing.
I don't know what to do about Ed.
He's not happy here anymore.
He seems so lonely.
Maybe he does miss his parents.
But I don't want him to go.
I don't know what to do.
-Let's go!
-Come on!
And it's a steal for the Bulldogs.
Deuce for the dogs.
Don't give up.
-Yeah!
-Come on, boys.
Oh!
Give 'em the ball!
Throw it away.
-What're you doing?
-Pass, Roland, I'm open.
-Oh!
-Oh!
Where's Ed?
Do I have to do everything myself?
Roland, I...
just...
Bench it! Now!
Spiky, get in there.
Donovan!
You couldn't coach girls' field hockey!
Are you gonna let everybody play?
You take out Lemay, you put in Spikey!
Spikey is three feet tall!
He has to reach up to dribble the ball!
Do something!
Throw 'em up and send 'em out!
-Yeah.
-Too bad!
Bring it over here, Jerry!
Bumstock has the ball on top of the key,
fakes the shot, goes around
an incredible 360, goes up,
up, up, and he score...
Mr. Bumstock?
The big day has finally arrived.
The day when I unveil to you
my new design for the spring line.
I felt that, uh,
if we could move in some new directions,
we might be able to
inject a note of freshness.
-Cut the gab and pull the cloth.
-Yes, sir.
Oh, you don't know how I crave
such a strong response to my art.
Dewlap, what are you trying to do?
Ruin me?
Do you think that homeowners
are gonna wanna put
statues of...
fish guts on their lawns?
Fish guts.
No, Sir. It's...
It's not fish guts. It's...
It's not supposed to
look like, like fish guts.
-Well, it does.
-No, Sir. It...
It represents the miracle of spring time.
And I'm sure that when
people see it, they're going--
They're gonna laugh at me.
That's what they're gonna do!
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
You... would like that, wouldn't you?
-Well, no, Sir.
-Oh, yes, you would.
Well, you're not gonna get a chance
to make a monkey out of me.
You're fired!
Thank you.
Thank you.
I haven't been fired. I've been freed.
I've been liberated!
I look upon this as a great opportunity.
From this moment on,
Victor Dewlap creates alone
in his own studio.
I don't need Ludlow
Bumstock to tell me what to do.
Of course not.
He doesn't understand art.
-And he doesn't understand you.
-Exactly.
I guess the Dewlaps just
don't fit in here any better
than Ed does, we're just different.
But of course we're
different. That's why we fit in.
What do you mean?
Son...
all of us, every one of us,
has to find our own
unique place in the world.
Our own special way to live our lives.
If we try too hard to fit in by being
exactly like somebody else,
it's never gonna work,
because somebody else
has already taken up that spot.
I get it.
If we were all the same, nobody would fit in.
Exactly.
It's like basketball.
If all the players know the
job they're supposed to do
and do their job, the team plays beautifully.
But if they forget their assignments
and start trying to do things
that other people are supposed to do,
well then, the team just loses the game.
My husband is a basketball genius.
And that's why they call me Mr. Touchdown.
-That's football.
-Right.
Come in.
-Hi.
-Oh, Mr. Donovan!
-Mr. Dewlap. Fine, thank you.
-Welcome, welcome. Come in.
-Have a seat. Uh...
-What are you doing here?
I'm-I'm fine. Thank you. Uh...
So, i-is-is Ed gonna go to school tomorrow?
He can't. He has a really bad cold.
Well, y-you know, if he
doesn't go to school tomorrow,
he-he can't play tomorrow night.
He needs his rest.
Um... after the game,
he-he-he could go to
the Valentine's day dance.
Yeah, th-they're gonna,
they're fixing up the, uh,
the-the, the ca... The ca... The gym.
Um, with-with paper
cupids a-a-and one of those,
um, uh...
Mm, they're good.
And, one of those, uh, mirrored balls
going around the ceiling and...
See, the thing is, if we
don't win tomorrow night,
we don't go to the tournament
and, and, and, and if I can get away
with leavin' Ed on the bench all night,
I'm gonna do that, I will.
It's just that, uh...
Mm-hm. Okay.
Oh, boy! Um...
If...
If we lose, um...
I'm gonna get fired.
This is really good.
And Cedar Island's got
now in the back court...
Steals! And a clam bucket!
Next time, pass the ball to me, cement head.
Hey! I do what Mr. Donovan
says, not what you say.
Call me a name again,
and you'll be sorry, Roland.
No! No, no, no, no!
Guys, that wasn't the buzzer.
Just get back in there. Go!
Where's Ed?
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed!
So, Ed, how you feelin'?
'Cause, you know, you look really good.
They are just killin' us.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
So do you think you can
give me a couple of minutes?
Please.
We want Ed! We want Ed!
We want Ed! We want Ed!
And two points for the thing.
You did the right thing.
I feel this magic
Oh you caught me off guard
Your eyes are like diamonds
They are shining little too hard
Then I get the fever
Nothing can hold me down
I won't be leaving
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you wanna dance with me
Jump around twist around
Kick off your shoes and twirl around
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you wanna dance with me
He's a wicked good dancer.
My grandma would say he
has a lovely sense of rhythm.
Twist around
Kick off your shoes and twirl around
Spin around turn around
Just tell me you're gonna dance with me
Just tell me you're gonna dance with me
-Whoo!
-Go, Ed.
Go, Ed!
I wanna thank you fellas for comin' in early.
-Oh, no problem.
-No problem, Coach.
Men, um...
We face a big challenge tonight.
-Yeah.
-Huh?
Rockweed Harbor is a really good team.
But you know what?
I think we're a better team.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
But in order to win...
each man...
has got to do his job.
And there's one more thing.
As far as Ed is concerned...
I took advantage of him because, uh...
because I was afraid of losin' my job.
And I'm not very proud of that.
So you know what?
Ed has played his last
game as a Lawn Ornament.
-No!
-What? No!
Guys, we don't need him to win.
We're good enough. We really are.
And, Picasso...
if you will forgive us...
No, if you forgive me...
we would all really like to
have you back on the team.
I don't think so. Thanks.
And now we would like to
present you with a token of gratitude
for all the happiness that
you have brought to our island.
Wow! Uh...
This is, this is really beautiful. Thank you.
Nobody has ever given us anything like this.
I-I don't know how I can thank you all.
You can win.
Win tomorrow night or you're fired.
What? Wait-wait a minute.
You-you told me that if
we got into this tournament,
I could keep my job. Now we're here.
You can't go back on your word now.
You can't tell me what I can
or I cannot do. I built this place.
And I don't take orders from some goon
who's too stupid to use the
tallest player on the team.
Well, "Use" is the right word for it.
We've been-we've been using
an animal unfairly against kids...
just to satisfy some selfish old bully
who thinks he's king in the world.
Well, no more, Bumstock.
We're-we're not going
to play with Ed anymore.
And if we lose...
well...
it's better than cheating to win.
-Yeah.
-You said it, Coach.
-He's right.
-That's right. Let's cheer...
I'll remember this.
Thanks.
Hey, Choker!
You trying to make us lose?
No, I'm not.
You are, too, and that's why you told Donovan
that Ed can't play!
I didn't tell him that.
You're just so jealous of
me 'cause you choke so bad
and the only way you can get
back at me is to make us lose.
Cut it out, Roland.
You want us all to be losers,
just like your stupid loser
can't-hold-a-job father!
Don't say that about my father.
He's a weirdo. You're a weirdo.
And you both ought to
go back to whatever planet
you came from, because you
don't belong here on the island.
-And you never will.
-Shut up!
Island boys are winners.
I'm not a loser, Roland,
and my father's not a loser.
You're the loser!
If you'd stop hogging the
ball and you started doin'
what Mr. Donovan said, you guys could win!
Ow! My hand! Oh!
I let you make me feel like a piece of dirt,
but no more, Roland.
I live here, and whether you like it or not,
that makes me and island boy!
You get it, Roland?
I'm an island boy!
Welcome back.
Picasso, your mother's
tea is a great consolation.
It drives away care and soothes the soul.
I feel a haiku coming on.
Your beautiful green tea...
A frog plops into a spring puddle...
Cheers.
Ooshi Mooshi.
It's for you. It's a man with a cold.
-Hmm.
-Hello?
Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you.
If you play, Dewlap, I'll murderlize you.
Does your mother know you
make prank calls, Roland?
Huh? Don't tell. This is..
This isn't Roland Lemay.
This is somebody else.
-And I'm big and I'm a...
-Loser.
You're a real big loser,
Roland, and everyone knows it.
Come on, Ed, we've got to
go get ready for the game.
"Don't play in the game tonight
if you know what's good for you."
What a loser. As if I'd miss
the championship finals.
Come on.
Yeah!
Try one. Try one.
No, no!
Help! Put me down!
Put me down!
Come on.
Put me down. Put me down.
Please?
Now I get it.
Those sasquatches are Ed's parents.
They want their boy back.
He missed them, too...
and I know just how he feels.
Hey-hey, Ed, tell your
parents I like them, too,
but I've got-I've got to get to the game.
Oh, no! No, wait!
Ed! Tell your dad to put me down! Ed!
What are you doing?
No! Ed!
Ed, you can't take me back
to the mountains with you!
No! Let me go!
Please, Ed? Don't take me with you.
I'll die in the woods. Please.
Just let me stay and play in the game.
Please.
Please, please, please.
-Hey, pass me my towel.
-Has anybody seen my shorts?
-Picasso?
-What's going on?
What happened to Picasso? Are you okay?
-What happened, buddy?
-Are you alright?
It's okay. I'll be alright.
Mr. Donovan, Lawn Ornaments.
Meet Mr. and Mrs. Tibbetts.
Okay! Just hold still.
-Team Team! Team! Play!
-Team! Team! Team! Play!
Yes!
Come on, guys. Go out there and win! Come on!
Go, team!
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the championship final
of the Tidewater League Middle
School Basketball Tournament.
The Baxter Bay Bulldogs versus
your Cedar Island Lawn Ornaments.
Locker room.
-Picasso, you feelin' okay?
-Yeah.
Lawn Ornaments control the tap.
Come on, come on. Make them play. Not bad!
Myers to Madison.
Back to Myers. He puts it up.
And it's Baxter Bay with a rebound.
Baxter Bay into the forecourt.
Inside. Back out.
Lawn Ornaments, an early foul trouble now.
Okay, buddy, get in there.
-Give me a "D!"
-"D!"
-Give me an "Exter."
-Exter!
What have you got?
Dexter!
Dexter! Dexter! Dexter!
Madison beats the press.
Up the court.
He finds Myers. He scores!
Oh! Hey, hey!
Go, go!
Hey, what was that about?
That's a technical foul.
Are you okay?
You're gonna have a heck of a shiner there.
-Really?
-Yeah.
You want to go sit down for a while?
-No, no, I'm okay.
-Yeah?
Okay.
O'Malley throwing his weight around.
Oh, boy.
That's the end of the first half.
Okay, guys, we're down to eight players.
So we have to gotta stay
out of foul trouble, alright?
-Everyone? Team!
-Team!
-Come on, let's go.
-Yeah, let's go, let's go...
More foul trouble for the Lawn Ornaments.
Right! Yes!
That's all for O'Malley.
And we've reached the end of regulation
with a score tied at 26.
We're going into overtime.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me, Your Worship.
But, uh, my wife and I
were wondering if the boys
who fouled out might not be allowed
to rejoin the game for the overtime.
No. No, way. Sorry.
You seem to be very rigid on this issue, sir.
Well, those are the rules. That's the game.
Yes, but-but isn't it counter-productive
to-to banish the players?
I mean, shouldn't we better serve them
by trying to get at the root of the problem.
Why are they committing these fouls?
Perhaps, it's a desperate plea for attention?
Isn't there a chance
they'll feel disenfranchised
sitting on the bench while
their peers are playing,
and as a consequent act,
they'll act out all the more?
I don't know. All I know
is I've got a game to call.
But they need the chance
to forgive themselves.
Oh, the Lawn Ornaments
are running out of players.
You think you can help us out, Picasso?
Go for it.
And Dewlap is coming in
now for the Lawn Ornaments.
Foul.
On the line.
Everyone set?
Two shots.
It's Baxter Bay 29, Lawn Ornaments 28,
with two seconds left in overtime.
Dewlap at the line for two shots.
-Oh!
-Oh!
One shot.
Time out.
Time out, red.
Okay, guys, I want you to remember the way
you showed Ed how to play, alright?
Let's keep the fundamentals,
do your jobs and have fun.
Basketball's a game!
Okay, now, you're all set? One shot.
Choke! Choke!
He's not gonna choke!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
That's right! He's an island boy!
He's an island boy!
He's an island boy, alright!
-Yeah! I did it!
-That's the way!
Yes! Yeah! I did it!
-Whoo!
-Yeah! Ah!
I did it! I did it!
-Oh, oh, my boy!
-I did it!
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Whoo!
That a boy, Picasso!
We did it. Yeah, we did it!
What do you want, Dewlap? I mean, Picasso.
I just want to invite you into the party.
Do you want an old duffer like me in there?
I didn't even go to the gig.
All the more reason to
go in now and talk about it.
Come on.
Oh-wey-oh
Oh-oh-wey-oh
Oh-wey-oh
Quiet.
-Quiet, please.
-Shh!
He's gonna say something.
Thank you.
Uh, I have an announcement to make.
Ludlow Bumstock is a nincompoop.
I want to apologize to Mr. Donovan
and to all of the Lawn Ornaments
for puttin' so much pressure on them to win.
And I, I just hope you'll all forgive me.
If you want to know why
I've been such an old fool
all these years...
Because the greatest thing
that ever happened to me was...
playing on that championship team
when I went to Cedar Island.
And I've been sinkin' my
money into the basketball team
all these years
to try and get back that feeling
that I had when I was a part of the team.
But I never could...
Till just a few minutes ago and...
Young Dewlap here invited me in.
And...
Now I've got that feeling back, and...
not about winning ball games...
it's about fitting in with people and...
and belonging.
And I haven't felt this good
in 50 years, and I owe it all to
young Picasso Dewlap here.
I feel good, too.
Wicked good!
Well, is this a party or what?
P.S. What a season!
Mr. Bumstock made Victor his partner
in the Lawn Ornament company,
and has pledged some of the money they make
from the statues of Ed to
pay for a nice insulated cabin
for the Tibbetts' in the mountains.
I learned a lot about basketball,
but a whole lot more about being a friend.
Thanks, Ed.
I guess human beings
can learn by imitation, too.
It'll be fun for me to visit Ed up there,
but I'll like it even more
when he comes to see me
here on Cedar Island,
the place where I fit in.
---oOo---