Bikini Spring Break (2012) Movie Script
1
REGIONALS!
WERE ON NEXT.
IM SO NERVOUS.
WHY? BECAUSE WINNING THIS
COULD LAUNCH US TO NATIONALS,
AND NATIONALS COULD LAUNCH US
TO BIGGER NATIONALS,
MAYBE WE COULD
GET A GIG
MARCHING IN THE MACYS
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
AND THEN...
OKAY, OKAY.
RAMIREZ, REMEMBER,
ITS STEP, STOP, STEP.
NOT STOP, STOP,
PICK YOUR NOSE, STEP,
ALL RIGHT?
NOW GIRLS, THIS IS
THE SAME ROUTINE
THAT WEVE DONE
ALL SEASON, ALL RIGHT?
YOURE GOING TO BE
JUST FINE.
ARE YOU SURE,
COACH GILL?
YES, BECAUSE THE JUDGES
THIS YEAR HAVE LOWERED
THEIR STANDARDS.
YAY! WERE GONNA WIN!
SHH.
YEAH. ZOE?
FRONT AND CENTER.
DO YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
NO. I THINK YOU MAY
BE THE GEEKIEST ONE HERE,
SO YOULL KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH THAT.
ITS A NEW THING
FROM THE DEAN.
HE WANTS A LIVE FEED OF
THE MARCHING BAND
FOR HIS JUMBO SCREEN.
OKAY, USE IT,
DONT USE IT.
I DONT GIVE A SHIT,
BUT LISTEN...
YOU GUYS, LETS JUST MAKE I THROUGH THE NEXT 20 MINUTES
WITHOUT EMBARRASSING OURSELVES.
SO THIS CAMERA COULD
CHANGE OUR LIVES FOREVER.
OH, SURE.
DO YOU WANT ME TO ATTACH I TO MY EUPHONIUM?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST FIGURE IT OUT.
GIRLS, NINE MINUTES,
AND THEN I WANT A FORMATION.
NINE MINUTES?
JESUS.
WHAT DID COACH GILL WANT?
TO CHANGE
OUR LIVES FOREVER.
COOL.
DEAN HANLON,
LOOKING SHARP.
DO I KNOW YOU?
WELL, OUR LITTLE ALICE
IS GOING TO REGIONALS.
OH, YES. ALISON.
ALICE.
SO, DEAN HANLON,
DO YOU THINK
SHELL MEET BOYS
WHEN SHE GOES TO FLORIDA?
BOYS? WHAT, I DONT...
WELL, ITS SPRING BREAK.
SHES GOING TO MEET, LIKE,
SUPER HOT GUYS.
LIKE ABS, MUSCLES...
ALISON?
ALICE.
SHELL BE FINE.
YOUR SISTER.
GIRLFRIEND.
GIRLFRIEND?
WELL ALL BE SAFE, OKAY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT?
IM GONNA GO SIT DOWN NOW.
YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT. COOL.
HEY, WELL, WELL
SEE YOU AT NATIONALS.
I DOUBT IT.
WAIT, GUYS:
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
ZOE.
GOD, THE CROWD
CANT WAIT.
THEY LOVE US.
THEY ABSOLUTELY DO.
ZOE!
ALICE?
YES? OH, HELLO.
YEAH!
DO YOU THINK
MY BOOBS ARE EVEN?
YEAH, THEYRE...
CHECK MINE.
OH, THEYRE...
HOW DO THEY LOOK?
OKAY, GUYS?
COULD YOU GET DRESSED NOW?
LETS PUT THE CLOTHES ON,
NOT TAKE THEM OFF.
NO!
HEY, THERE,
PRICKLY PEAR.
OH!
PROBABLY BETTER SHAVE
BEFORE WE GO OUT THERE.
YEP.
YOU KNOW, IF WE WIN THIS,
IF WE DO NATIONALS...
MM-HMM.
IN FLORIDA.
IVE NEVER BEEN TO NATIONALS.
I MEAN, IVE NEVER
BEEN TO FLORIDA.
IVE NEVER EVEN BEEN
OUT OF THE STATE.
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
POO BEAR!?
BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
HEY, LADY GAG-ME.
GE THE HELL DRESSED.
OKAY. YEAH.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
IM SO PROUD OF YOU.
KISS, KISS, KISS.
I JUST KNOW
WERE GONNA WIN.
I JUST KNOW
WERE GONNA MAKE IT.
MY GRANDMOTHER AND CHARLIE,
WHEN THEY WENT TO SCHOOL HERE,
THEY MADE IT TO NATIONALS,
AND MY MOM DID, TOO.
AND NOW WERE GOING, I JUS KNOW WERE GOING TO MAKE IT.
HEY, HIPPIE CHICK.
IM NOT GOING TO
SAY IT AGAIN.
GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW.
NO!
GIRLS, HEY!
WHY ARENT YOU DRESSED?
I SAID FORMATION ONE.
COME ON.
CAMERA!
MEN IN THE LOCKER ROOM!
AH!
THE CAMERA,
THE CAMERAS ON.
TURN IT OFF!
WE COULD SEE EVERYTHING.
ITS STILL ON.
HOW DO YOU TURN
THIS DAMN THING OFF?
THIS. YOU.
THE CROWD.
JUMBOTRON.
BOOBS!
IN MY OFFICE.
GIRL, I THINK THE THING
WE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM THIS
IS THAT DRUGS ARE NO GOOD.
NOW FORMATION ONE,
FOR THE LAST TIME.
YOUVE GOT ONE MINUTE.
GET DRESSED.
COACH GILL.
YOU AND THIS, UM...
BAND.
THE BAND.
A BAND.
AND THAT RECORDING...
THE VIDEO.
YEAH, THE VIDEO.
LOOK, SO WE MADE
A STUPID MISTAKE.
IT WAS... YOU KNOW,
EVERYONE HAD A CHEAP THRILL.
"OH MY GOD."
NO ONE WAS HARMED.
THATS NOT TRUE AT ALL.
ITS A NON-ISSUE.
THE GIRLS LOST. SHOCKER.
WERE NOT GONNA GE PAST THE REGIONALS.
OH MY GOD!
I THINK WHAT YOU
AND I OUGHT TO DO
IS HEAD OVER TO REGGIES
AND GRAB A FUCKING DRINK.
SIT.
NO, IM GONNA
GO GET A DRINK
AND PRETEND MY LIFE
MEANS SOMETHING.
GILL... I CAN BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS.
YOURE GOING
TO THE NATIONALS.
IM GETTING DRUNK.
YOURE GOING.
WE FUCKING SUCKED.
YES, TRUE,
BUT ITS NOT THE ISSUE.
SIT DOWN.
WHATS HE SAYING?
I SWEAR TO GOD, ZOE,
IF YOU BLEW THIS FOR ME.
ME?
IM ON A SCHOLARSHIP.
ME, TOO.
SCHOLARSHIPS?
YOU CAN GET THOSE HERE?
OH, YEAH.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS.
ABOUT TIME.
COACH GILL,
WHERE THE HELLS THE BUS?
ITS LATE.
YOU KNOW BUSSES.
THEYRE ALWAYS LATE.
YOU OKAY, SNUGGLE BUNNY?
OH, POO BEAR.
I KNOW WE TALKED ABOUT THIS,
AND ILL BE OKAY IN FLORIDA.
EVEN IF IT IS SPRING BREAK.
THATS NOT ME,
YOU KNOW THAT.
BESIDES, I KNOW YOURE LOOKING
FORWARD TO SPENDING TIME
WITH YOUR
SPECIAL FRIEND, HANK.
YEAH.
ANYWAY, UM...
LOOK, I JUST...
I THINK THAT IF YOU
WANTED TO MAKE A SEX TAPE...
WHAT?
I MEAN, THATS COOL
IF YOU DID.
I DONT WANT TO
MAKE A SEX TAPE. DO YOU?
NO. I MEAN,
YOU KNOW IM KINDA...
SMALL.
NO, NOT...
VERY SMALL.
NOT VERY.
OH, ITS OKAY.
WE HAVE THE DRUMSTICK.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
I USE ON YOU.
YEAH, THAT ONE.
BESIDES, TOO BIG IS...
HEY, I COMPENSATE, RIGHT?
NOT REALLY,
BUT THATS OKAY.
I PROMISE TO ONLY
MAKE SEX TAPES WITH YOU.
AND WE CAN USE
YOUR MOMS VIDEO CAMERA.
AND NO ONE WILL SEE
YOUR CRAIG JR.
OKAY?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, ILL MISS YOU.
ILL MISS YOU, TOO.
HEY, MICHELLE,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
I MISSED MY FUCKING PLANE. WHAT?
MY BITCH-ASS MOTHER
WOULDNT STOP TALKING.
ITS NOT MY FAULT.
YOUR HOUSE SOUNDS
LIKE A LOVELY PLACE.
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HEY, GIRLS,
JUST CHILL, ALL RIGHT?
GET YOUR STUFF READY
TO PACK UP, HERE.
CAREFUL.
ITS JUST A EUPHONIUM.
NO, THIS IS CHARLIE,
OKAY?
HE WAS MY GRANDMAS.
ITS THE ONLY THING
I HAVE LEFT FROM HER.
OH, IM SORRY.
WELL, MAYBE YOU
SHOULDNT PLAY IT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUS HANG IT ON YOUR WALL
AND PLEASURE YOURSELF WHILE
YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR GRANNY.
WELL, MAYBE ILL
THINK ABOUT YOU.
EWW.
SO, IM ACTUALLY
A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
BECAUSE IVE ACTUALLY NEVER
DRIVEN A BUS THIS BIG.
IM SURE I CAN DO IT,
I CAN DO ANYTHING.
BUT...
YEAH, ITS JUST LIKE
DRIVING A CAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU PUT I IN D FOR GO,
AND R FOR BACK.
OKAY, BUT ITS FULL
OF INSTRUMENTS...
P FOR PARK.
THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.
I DONT WANT TO MESS IT UP.
I HAVE COMPLETE FAITH
IN YOU, SWEETHEART.
OKAY, IM JUS GONNA...
NO SWEAT.
MAKE SURE
THE INSTRUMENTS...
GOOD IDEA.
SO, WERE READY
TO BE PACKED, RIGHT?
ON TO THE BUS.
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE
ALL THE INSTRUMENTS
ARE ACCOUNTED FOR.
BUT, YOU KNOW,
I REALLY THINK THAT ZOE
SHOULD JUST TAKE THE PLANE
WITH THE OTHER GIRLS.
I MEAN, WERE KINDA
FULL AS IT IS,
AND SHES REALLY ANNOYING.
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CANT LEAVE CHARLIE.
YOU KNOW, ZOE,
YOU REALLY DO HAVE
AN UNNATURAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR INSTRUMENT.
YOU REALIZE THAT, RIGHT?
NO, HE WAS MY GRANDMAS.
WELL, THE STATEMEN STILL STANDS.
LOOK, TWO DAYS, ILL SEE
YOU GUYS IN MIAMI, FLORIDA.
ALL RIGHT, ANYTHING GOES
WRONG, JUST FIGURE IT OUT.
IS THERE ANY REASON
WHY IT SMELLS LIKE ASS?
YOU COULD HAVE
TAKEN THE PLANE
WITH THE OTHER GIRLS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
AND BREATHE RECYCLED AIR?
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW BAD THAT IS FOR YOU?
FINE. WHITNEY,
YOURE IN CHARGE.
OF COURSE I AM.
HEY, COACH?
HEY, ALICE.
DO YOU THINK WE HAVE A CHANCE
OF WINNING THE NATIONALS?
UH, NO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS ARE
GONNA DO FINE.
ILL SEE YOU IN FLORIDA.
DRIVE CAREFUL.
ITLL BE FINE.
REALLY? A SHORT BUS?
LETS GO, RETARDS.
WHY WOULD COACH GILL,
EVEN SAY THAT?
NO?
HES ON MEDICATION.
YEAH.
NO, HES TRYING
TO MOTIVATE US.
THATS THE OPPOSITE
OF MOTIVATING US.
IM MOTIVATED.
NO, I READ ABOUT IT.
ITS CALLED REVERSE
MOTION EMPATHY.
TRUE.
HE WANTS US TO SUCCEED
BY PUTTING US DOWN.
ITS BRILLIANT, ACTUALLY.
ITS CALLED
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE.
BELIEVE ME,
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
LOOK, OUR COACH
IS A DRUNK, OKAY?
BUT WERE GONNA WIN
IN SPITE OF HIM, RIGHT?
YEAH.
SURE.
WE ARE.
YEAH.
YOU GOTTA KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
DIG OUT YOUR SOUL
DIG IT SO THE WHOLE
WORLD SEES IT SHINE
SHINE ON LIKE
A DIAMOND, BABY
GIVE THESE LAZY
BONES SOME TIME
DONT LET THE STARS ABOVE
DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
AND SHOW THEM
WHO IS WHO
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON LIVING,
KEEP ON GIVING
ZOE!
REALLY? REALLY.
YOURE REALLY
PLAYING RIGHT NOW.
COULD YOU PUT THA FUCKING THING AWAY?
WERE TRYING TO SLEEP.
STOP FUCKING PLAYING, ZOE.
IM GONNA SHOVE
THAT UP YOUR ASS.
GIVE IT TO ME.
UGH, IM TRYING
TO PRACTICE, OKAY?
I HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
ZOE!
GUYS, REST STOP.
FIVE MINUTE BREAK.
HEY, COACH GILL,
WHATS UP?
OH, YEAH. WERE JUS STOPPING FOR GAS.
I DONT KNOW...
WHOSE CLARINET?
KAREN, THAT DUMBASS.
OKAY.
HEY, WILL YOU FILL UP
THE TANK FOR ME REAL QUICK?
IM GONNA GO
LOOK FOR SOMETHING.
OKAY.
HEY.
YOU HEADED DOWN
TO SPRING BREAK?
SPRING WHAT?
MAYBE ILL SEE YOU
DOWN THERE, YOU KNOW?
YOU SHOULD ENTER ONE OF
THOSE WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS.
ID LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU
GOT GOING ON UNDER THERE.
OH.
NO.
OKAY. ITS TOO BAD.
QUEEF YOU LATER.
OKAY.
FLORIDA!
THERES THE SIGN.
READY?
BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT, BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT, BEAT THE DRUMS.
PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY, PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY, PLAY THE FLUTE.
MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH, MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH, MARCH THE BAND.
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN, WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN THE NATIONALS...
GIRLS, GIRLS,
YOU DO REALIZE
WE HAVE OVER 200 MILES TO GO?
200 LONG MILES.
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN, WIN THE NATIONALS.
JESUS.
WIN THE NATIONALS...
OH MY GOD, THERES SMOKE
POURING OUT OF THE HOOD.
SHIT, I THINK
WERE BREAKING DOWN.
CONTROL THE BUS!
I CANT CONTROL IT!
MY EUPHONIUM!
OH MY GOD!
IM STOPPING!
JESUS.
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?
DID YOU HIT SOMEBODY?
MY UNCLE DID THAT ONCE
AND NOW WE HAVE A BODY
IN THE BACKYARD.
I DIDNT HI ANYONE, OKAY?
SOMETHINGS WRONG
WITH THE BUS.
OH.
YOU GUYS...
CHARLIES OKAY.
EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE OKAY.
WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
WITH YOUR STUPID
EUPHONIUM, OKAY?
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OU HOW TO GET TO MIAMI.
WE CAN TAKE A BUS.
MORON.
SOMEONE CALL
A TOW TRUCK.
RIGHT.
WHATS EVERYONE LOOKING AT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ABOUT WHAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA, OKAY?
HES BEEN UNDER THE HOOD
FOR 15 MINUTES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT.
WE CAN CALL IT.
WHAT? NO, OKAY?
WERE CLOSE. WERE ONLY,
LIKE, 500 MILES AWAY.
I DONT SEE IT.
I THINK ITS IMPOSSIBLE,
SWEETIE.
NO, OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
WELL MAKE IT.
WELL BE THERE IN,
LIKE, A DAY OR SO.
YEP.
OKAY, HOLD ON.
I THINK HES DONE.
ILL CALL YOU BACK. BYE.
GOODBYE.
WELL, LOOK,
I AINT NO MECHANIC.
BUT ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
WHAT?
WELL, SOMEONE PU GASOLINE IN THIS THING.
ZOE!
WHAT?
DIESEL! A BUS TAKES DIESEL.
BUT YOU NEVER SAID...
EVERYONE KNOWS THA BUSSES TAKE DIESEL.
COME ON, WERE IN
COMMUNITY COLLEGE,
NOT KINDERGARTEN.
YOU PUT GASOLINE
IN A DIESEL TANK?
FML, DAMN YOU MOM.
WELL, IM SORRY.
I DONT DRIVE A BUS.
I DONT FEEL
SO GOOD, GUYS.
I FEEL REALLY HOT.
I DONT FEEL GOOD.
IS THAT ELVIS?
YOU LOOK KINDA WEIRD.
ANYWAY, YOURE PROBABLY
GOING TO NEED YOURSELVES
A NEW MOTOR.
OH, AND HOW MUCH
IS THAT GONNA COST?
BUS LIKE THIS?
I DUNNO, THREE.
FOUR, MAYBE.
HUNDRED?
THOUSAND.
THREE TO FOUR
HUNDRED THOUSAND?
DAMN.
YEAH. ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK
FINDING YOURSELVES A MECHANIC
THIS WEEKEND.
YOU KNOW,
SPRING BREAK AND ALL.
NO, NO. SEE, WE HAVE
TO GET TO MIAMI
BECAUSE, LIKE,
OUR WHOLE BAND
AND OUR FUTURE IS
DEPENDING ON THIS.
SORRY, LADIES.
WISH I HAD BETTER
NEWS FOR YOU.
YOU DO REALIZE
YOURE THE REASON
WERE NOT GOING
TO NATIONALS, RIGHT?
WELL, I...
SO THIS IS WHA WERE GONNA DO.
BUY AN ENGINE,
GET TO NATIONALS.
SEE? PROBLEM SOLVED.
AND WHERE ARE WE GONNA
GET THE MONEY, BRAIN TRUST?
ASK COACH GILL. HA!
OOH, THIS SUCKS!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KILLED OUR BUS,
YOU KILLED OUR CHANCES
OF GOING TO NATIONALS.
YOU KILLED MY FUTURE.
YOU KILLED MY
UNBORN CHILDREN
BECAUSE IM PROBABLY
GOING TO GROW UP
IN SOME NOWHERE TOWN
WITH SOME LOSER HUSBAND
SO I MIGHT AS WELL
JUST KILL MYSELF.
THANK YOU, ZOE.
GUYS, IM SORRY.
I...
HI, IM CONSTANCE.
DONT CARE.
OKAY. WOULD YOU ALL SIGN
MY "BAN THE BREAK" PETITION?
SURE.
DO YOU HAVE $4000
TO BUY US A NEW ENGINE?
NO.
THEN GET OUT OF
MY FUCKING FACE.
WHATS BAN THE BREAK?
BAN THE BREAK.
STRING BREAK.
THEYRE HAVING FUN.
WHY WOULD YOU
WANT TO BAN THAT?
IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
YES, IT IS.
AND FYI, I HAVE MY REASONS.
FYI? WHATS THAT?
GUYS, UH...
WHOA, WHOA.
HEY THERE.
I GOT YOU.
I GOT YOU NOW.
EASY. COME ON.
LETS JUST COME OVER HERE.
FRANNY?
OH, I THINK
IM GETTING HOT.
OH, I THINK
IM GETTING DELIRIOUS.
SOMEBODY CATCH ME.
OKAY, GUYS,
LETS JUST GET HER UP
AND GET HER OU OF THE SUN, OKAY?
LETS TAKE HER
OVER THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
UP WE GO.
UP WE GO HERE.
I GOT YOU. EASY.
COME ON.
UP YOU GO.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
WAIT!
FUCKING REDNECK.
WAY TO BE
A GENTLEMAN.
NO!
THIS WITH THE BUS,
AND STOPPING?
DEAN, TAKE A BREATH.
NATIONALS. NATIONALS!
HEY, MAN, YOU NEED
TO CHILL OUT.
YOU NEED TO GE THOSE GIRLS TO FLORIDA
TO MAKE THE NATIONALS.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
LOOK, I THINK YOURE WORKING
WAY TOO HARD.
LOOK, I DONT CARE IF
YOURE MARRIED TO MY SISTER.
I WILL FIRE YOU IF YOU DO NO GET THOSE GIRLS TO FLORIDA.
YOU REMEMBER THAT SHI I GAVE YOU, DEAN?
YOU SHOULD TAKE
SOME MORE OF THAT, MAN.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHAT IS THIS?
SHES GOT A TOUCH
OF HEATSTROKE, MAN.
COULD YOU GET SOME WATER?
IS SHE DEAD?
SHES NOT DEAD, IDIOT.
NO ONE DIED.
BUT SHES NOT MOVING.
SHE JUST NEEDS TO
GET OUT OF THE SUN.
MOM, THIS IS BULLSHIT.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE
I AM RIGHT NOW?
NO, NO.
LISTEN TO ME.
YOURE SUCH A BITCH.
OKAY, LISTEN, YOU
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
JUST TAKE CARE OF THIS.
JUST, UH...
WHAT? IT WORKS ON TV.
FUCKING GOD,
STOP BREATHING.
WHERE ARE WE?
LOOK, ZOE, YOU SAVED HER.
SHE DID NOT SAVE HER.
ZOE, YOU COULD
BE A DOCTOR.
CAN WE GET OU OF HERE, PLEASE?
THIS PLACE IS
GIVING ME A COMPLEX.
I SHOULD BE IN
SOME NICE-ASS HOTEL.
NOT SOME DIRTY
TITTY-BAR IN THE MIDDLE
OF EAST BUMBLEFUCK.
YOUR HANDS ARE DIRTY.
UGH, DONT TOUCH ME.
RUB IT.
OKAY.
OH.
SOUNDS CRAZY TO YOU
BUT WHY SHOULD
I CARE, OH, REALLY?
OKAY.
WELL, IM GONNA GO GE YOU GIRLS A TOW FOR YOUR BUS.
OH, GOD.
ITS GILL.
OH. WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO SAY?
I GUESS THATS HES GOING TO
HAVE TO PERFORM
WITHOUT THE INSTRUMENTS
AND WITHOUT US.
WELL...
HELLO?
IS THAT POSSIBLE?
LADIES.
LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD
USE A REFRESHER.
MMM, YUMMY.
WHAT, THAT SHIT?
MM-HMM.
A REAL SOUTHERN BOY?
SOUTHERN FRIED GENTLEMAN.
FINGER LICKING GOOD.
WOW, THAT LINE IS ABOU AS OLD AS YOUR HAIRCUT.
YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
DO YOU DO PORN?
LOOK, MEAT PUPPETS,
AS SOON AS OUR BUS IS FIXED,
WERE OUT OF THIS TWILIGHT ZONE
TOWN, GOT IT, CLEM?
MAN, IS IT HOT IN HERE,
OR IS IT JUST ME?
OH MY GOD,
I JUST GOT WET.
YOURE SUCH A SLUT.
FOCUS, FOCUS.
FOCUS ON THIS.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, I COULDNT HELP
BUT OVERHEAR YOUR PREDICAMENT.
THERE ARE WAYS OF MAKING
MONEY IN THIS TOWN.
NO FUCKING WAY.
OOH.
YOU GUYS HAVE
SOME SERIOUS POTENTIAL.
WATCH ME
ROUND AND ROUND
UPSIDE DOWN
SILEN FEVERS RISING
FASCINATION
OH, IM SUCH A BAD GIRL
I GOT YOU...
I GOT YOU...
KISS ME
SPIN ME AROUND
KISS ME
SPIN ME AROUND
IM SUCH A BAD GIRL
BUT EVEN IF WE
HAD THE ENGINE,
IT WOULD TAKE THEM
A WEEK TO FIX IT.
WHITNEY, YOURE JUST SEVEN
OR NINE HOURS AWAY.
WE CAN GET A BUS
AND GET OVER TO MIAMI
AND MEET THE RES OF THE BAND.
WHAT, AND LEAVE
THE INSTRUMENTS?
ITD PROBABLY MAKE YOU
SOUND BETTER.
WE CAN SHIP THEM.
CANT AFFORD IT.
THIS ISNT A STATE COLLEGE.
DONT YOU HAVE INSURANCE?
MAYBE, BUT THERES NO REALLY ANY INSURANCE
IN GETTING YOU TO
NATIONALS IN 48 HOURS.
SO WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO?
UH, I DONT KNOW.
DO YOU REALLY WAN TO DO THIS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
ILL DRIVE UP THERE.
FINE.
WOW. LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, MOVE OVER.
OH.
GRR.
I LOVE COUGARS.
FUCK YOU, IM 24 YEARS OLD.
AH, MILF TERRITORY.
I LIKE IT.
MILF?
WHERE THE FUCK
DID YOU FIND THESE GUYS?
SO WHAT DID
COACH GILL SAY?
HES COMING OVER.
HES DRIVING.
HE WONT MAKE IT IN TIME.
PROBABLY NOT.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
YOU CAN STAY
AT MY PLACE.
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
ACTUALLY, JUST NO,
MINUS THE THANKS.
SO, HOW ARE WE GOING
TO MAKE IT TO NATIONALS
BY SATURDAY?
WE COULD TIME TRAVEL.
OKAY. YOU GET ON THAT.
OR WE COULD TAKE A PLANE,
OR A BUS, OR A TRAIN.
YEAH, TIME TRAVELS
A BETTER IDEA.
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE COOL.
WHATEVER WE DECIDE, WE HAVE
TO TAKE ALL THE INSTRUMENTS.
WELL, LETS JUS RENT ANOTHER BUS.
I MEAN, A BIG ONE.
I BET YOU BOYS
HAVE A BIG BUS.
ILL SHOW YOU
A BIG BUS.
HOW BIG?
HUGE.
LONG, WIDE,
PUSH AND PULL DOORS.
EMERGENCY EXIT AND ALL.
REALLY WENT OUT OF
YOUR WAY TO BE CLICH
THERE, DIDNT YOU...
UM...
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, IM JUST...
DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR?
NO! I NEED SOME AIR.
HEY, LOOK, WELL JUS WAIT FOR COACH GILL, OKAY?
I MEAN, WE CAN MAKE
IT TO NATIONALS,
AND HES SMART ENOUGH.
HE CAN FIND US THERE.
THAT BUS HAS
69 INSTRUMENTS IN I AND SIX OF THEM
ARE SOUSAPHONES.
WE NEED ANOTHER BUS.
WERE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, WEVE LE THE WHOLE BAND DOWN.
BY WE, I MEAN YOU, ZOE.
WELL CHARTER ANOTHER BUS.
WITH WHAT?
WE HAVE NO MONEY.
COACH GILL HAS MONEY.
NOT THAT KIND OF MONEY.
WELL, HOW MUCH?
TO CHARTER A BUS?
LIKE, A COUPLE THOUSAND.
WELL, THATS BETTER
THAN 4000.
AND THATS WAY
BETTER THAN 400,000.
SHUT THE HELL UP,
YOU BLITHERING IDIOT.
SHES NOT AN IDIOT.
YES, SHE IS.
I JUST WANT ALL OF YOU GUYS
TO STOP TALKING.
NOT TALKING.
HOLD ON. FROM NOW ON,
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK.
I HATE YOU, MOM.
JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!
OKAY!
TALKING... IM STILL TALKING.
ALL RIGHT, HERES WHA WERE GOING TO DO.
HERES THE PLAN.
IM GONNA GO LOCATE
US A MECHANIC.
FRANNY. FRANNY?
YEAH?
I WANT YOU TO GO FIND US
A BUS TO CHARTER, OKAY?
AND YOU GUYS JUST HANG OU AND TRY NOT THE MESS
ANYTHING ELSE UP, OKAY?
ZIP!
WELL, HOW CAN WE
MAKE THE 2000?
I DONT KNOW.
JUST WHATEVER YOU DO,
JUST MAKE SURE YOU ONLY
USE YOUR BODY PARTS.
OKAY, LIKE YOUR ORGANS,
ALL RIGHT?
ARE WE CLEAR?
OKAY? ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FRANNY.
YOU GUYS, I REALLY
THINK WE SHOULD
DANCE ON THE POLE, OKAY?
I MEAN, WERE NO GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
DO I HAVE TO SHOW
MY CUPCAKES?
THATS WHAT CRAIG CALLS THEM.
REALLY?
HI, GIRLS. ARE YOU
FINALLY READY TO SIGN
MY ANTI-SPRING BREAK PETITION?
OKAY.
ALICE, YOU CANT JUS SIGN ANYTHING.
OH.
WHAT IS THIS?
SEE THAT OVER THERE?
THIS TOWN IS FULL
OF SLUTTY SLUTTERMANS
AND THEIR SMUTTY
SLUTFULNESS.
OKAY, I CAN SEE THAT.
EVERY YEAR,
FOR ONE WEEKEND,
ONE ENTIRE WEEKEND,
THIS TOWN PLUNGES
INTO A WELL OF DEBAUCHERY
DEPRAVITY, AND DAMNATION.
THEY CALL IT SPRING BREAK.
I CALL IT SPRING BREAK ME DOWN.
IM WORKING ON IT.
ITS NOT A FINISHED TITLE.
THE POINT IS
FOR 48 HOURS
THIS TOWN CHANGES
INTO SOME PLACE
LIKE NEW ORLEANS
SOUTHERN FLORIDA,
OR EVEN MEXICO,
WITH THE LATINOS, LATINAS,
BURRITOS, FAJITAS.
WHATEVER.
SO PLEASE, SIGN THIS.
OKAY.
GREAT.
OH, IF I SIGN THIS,
WILL YOU WATCH ME DANCE
AND GIVE ME A FEW DOLLARS?
HUH? NO.
OH, ARE YOU
POLE DANCING, TOO?
NO, I DONT.
ARE YOU SHY?
NO, I JUST...
WELL, CAUSE YOU HAVE
REALLY GREAT BREASTS.
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DANCE.
YEAH, REALLY NICE.
JUST SIGN THE DAMN PETITION.
THANKS.
I WONDER WHY SHE HATES
SPRING BREAK SO MUCH.
MAYBE SHES MORMON.
DIM THE LIGHTS,
SHUT THE DOORS
SPEAKERS ON,
HEAR THE STRINGS
TAKE YOUR SPACE,
TIE YOUR SHOES
BRING THE BASS,
HEAR THE STRINGS
DIM THE LIGHTS,
SHUT THE DOORS
SPEAKERS ON,
HEAR THE STRINGS
TAKE YOUR SPACE,
TIE YOUR SHOES
BRING THE BASS,
HEAR THE STRINGS
JUMP UP AND DOWN
JUMP UP, SWING AROUND
JUMP UP THIS BAR
JUMP IT UP
JUMP UP AND DOWN
JUMP UP, SWING AROUND
JUMP UP THIS BAR
JUMP IT UP
BODIES ON FIRE
FULL OF HEAT
PLAY THE RECORD,
NEEDLE THREAD
OUR IMPULSES TELL US
WE MUST GO
WITH OUR DIGNITY,
WE HAVE NO PAIN
AS FOR YOUR MAMAS
LA LA LA LA
WEAR WHAT YOU WAN AND BE YOUR OWN ROCK
NO ONE REALLY CARES...
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
LADIES.
BOYS.
YOUR BACK.
YOUR FRONT.
YOURE STUPID.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
ONE OF YOU WOULDNT HAPPEN
TO BE A MECHANIC, WOULD YOU?
ARE YOU PLAYING
ROLE FANTASIES?
UH, NO.
REAL QUESTION.
THEN NO.
MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
WHAT YOU NEED FIXING WITH?
WELL, WE REALLY NEED
$3000 TO FIX OUR BUS
SO WE CAN GE TO SOUTH FLORIDA.
BABY, YOU DONT NEED
TO GO DOWN THERE.
THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS,
TENACIOUS,
HELLACIOUS SPRING BREAKISH
PARTY OF THE CENTURY
STARTS RIGHT HERE.
UH, THOSE AREN REAL WORDS.
YEAH, THEY ARE.
IT DOESNT MATTER.
THE POINT IS YOURE
NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU GE NASTY WITH THE NATIVES.
OKAY.
THATS RIGHT.
BODY SHOT, BODY SHOT.
HOLY SHIT.
SO PRETTY.
WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK?
OH MY GOD,
ITS SO PRETTY.
FIRE! OH MY GOD!
WHAT THE FUCK?
IM SO SORRY,
IM REALLY TICKLISH.
THIS BAR HAS BEEN HERE
IN ITS ORIGINAL SHAPE
FOR 50 MOTHERFUCKING YEARS.
NEVER BEEN CHANGED,
IN 10 MINUTES,
YOU RUIN THE WHOLE
FUCKING THING.
OUT!
YOURE BANISHED.
NO SPRING BREAKERS.
GET OUT OF MY ESTABLISHMENT.
OUT!
YEAH, YOU KEEP RUNNING.
YOU RUN STRAIGHT TO HELL,
YOU SPRING BREAK BASTARDS.
DONT YOU COME BACK.
WOW, THAT WAS...
SO NOT COOL.
I THINK SHES ONE OF
THOSE BAN THE BREAK GIRLS
ONLY SHES MASQUERADING
AS A SPRING BREAKER
TO SABOTAGE US.
NO.
I JUST HEARD WHAT YOU DID.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
MURPHY, THE BAR OWNER,
IS A CITY COUNCIL MEMBER.
HE IS A HUGE
GET FOR US.
US? IM NO ONE OF YOU.
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU SIGNED OUR PETITION.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
BUT I DIDNT MEAN...
AND TO THINK THAT I WAS GONNA
HAVE A THREE-WAY WITH YOU.
WHAT?
BUT I...
WHERE ARE TWEEDLE DEE
AND TWEEDLE DUMBER GOING?
ZOES SAD, BECAUSE SHE WAS
GOING TO HAVE A THREESOME
WITH THOSE TWO.
YOURE SUCH A FUCKING SLUT.
YOU CANT KEEP YOUR LEGS
TOGETHER FOR 10 MINUTES?
NO, IT WASN A THREESOME, OKAY?
I WAS GOING TO GO
DANCE ON THE POLE,
AND THEN THEY DID
A SHOT ON MY BODY,
AND THEN THE FIRE HAPPENED...
YOUR BEAUTIFUL FRIEND HERE
JUST HELPED CLOSE DOWN
THAT EXOTIC BAR.
NO.
AND LET ME GUESS:
IT WASNT HER FAULT.
WELL, TECHNICALLY...
TECHNICALLY, YOURE A
DERANGED MORON, OKAY?
WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?
SO DO WE HAVE ANY ANSWER
TO OUR BUS PRAYERS?
SHOCKER.
COME ON, GUYS,
ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
STOP, REALLY.
WERE EMBARRASSING OURSELVES.
SHE HAS A POINT.
ALL RIGHT, LETS JUST GE THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NO. GUYS, I...
WAIT.
WAIT!
NO, I FOUND IT.
JELLO!
OH, CRAP.
I CANT BELIEVE IT.
IM GETTING STOPPED?
WHAT DID I DO?
IM NOT SPEEDING.
AH, MAN.
FUCK.
HELLO!
YOU GUYS, LOOK.
HERES THE JELLO
EATING CONTEST.
WELL, I DONT GET IT.
HOW IS JELLO GOING
TO FIX THE BUS?
WELL, LOOK, THE WINNER
GETS $800.
NOBODY IS GOING TO PAY YOU
$800 TO EAT JELLO.
AND $800 DON BUY US A NEW BUS.
YEAH, BUT ITS ENOUGH
THAT WE COULD RENT ONE.
ZOE IS SO SMART.
AND FRANNY, WE ALL KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE JELLO.
I DO LOVE JELLO.
GOD.
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
IT PAYS YOU TO DO THINGS YOU
WOULD NORMALLY DO FOR FREE.
THATS TRUE, I COULD EAT JELLO
ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.
IVE SEEN HER DO IT.
ITS GROSS.
WILL YOU DO IT?
IF IT GETS US
TO NATIONALS,
THEN IM IN.
AWESOME.
COME ON. I THINK THEYRE
DOING IT IN THE BACK.
THATS WHAT SHE SAID.
WAIT. WHATD SHE SAY?
ZOE.
ALICE. LADIES.
WELCOME TO THE JELLO JUNGLE.
ARE YOU HERE TO
BEG FOR FORGIVENESS
OR ARE YOU GOING TO TRY
TO SHUT THIS DOWN, TOO?
FORGIVENESS. NO!
OKAY, FORGIVEN.
ARE YOU HERE TO WATCH?
UH, WERE HERE TO WIN.
YEAH.
AND WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE A RINGER
WHO LOVES JELLO.
SHE LOVES IT.
WELL, WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE THE JELLO.
WOW.
THIS ISNT SANITARY.
OH, IM SURE IT IS.
YEAH, FRAN.
IM NOT EATING IT.
FRANNY, ITS NATIONALS.
NATIONALS.
I WOULDNT EAT I IF MY MOTHER WAS DYING.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HEY, ITS JELLO TIME.
WHO DARES CHALLENGE
THIS FINE LADY
TO THE JELLO PIT?
ANY TAKERS?
ANYONE AT ALL?
I DO.
PAM! PAM, PAM.
PAM, PAM.
GET IN THERE.
YOURE NOT GONNA WHAT?
DO THIS?
LETS GET IT ON.
EXCUSE ME?
AND THE PUSSY
SAYS WHAT?
WHAT?
OH, PUSSY!
PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY.
IM NOT A PUSSY.
YOURE A PUSSY.
YOURE A PUSS...
PUSSY.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
LETS SAVE I FOR THE JELLO, LADIES.
ARE WE READY?
GO, FRANNY!
DO YOU HAVE A SPOON?
WAIT, I DONT THINK
THIS IS A JELLO EATING CONTEST.
WAIT, WHAT?
FRANNY, YOUR BRA.
ITS A $30 BRA!
THATS A $30 BRA,
YOU FUCKING BITCH.
GET HER, FRANNY.
GET HER, FRANNY. GET HER!
FRANNY, TAG ME IN.
LET ME AT HER.
ALICE! ALICE. ALICE.
ALICE!
ALICE, ALICE, ALICE.
GET HER, ALICE.
OH!
ZOE!
ZOE, HELP ME!
ZOE, HELP!
PAM, YOURE SCARY.
DOUBLE TEAM!
OH, YEAH?
GOTCHA.
YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS
DONT STAND A CHANCE HERE.
OR IN FLORIDA!
WHERE YOU GOING?
BAND CAMP?
OOH!
YOURE GOING TO BAND CAMP.
LET ME GE ONE THING STRAIGHT.
THERE AINT NOTHING WRONG
WITH BAND CAMP.
NO, THERES NOT!
I AM THE JELLO QUEEN, BITCH.
GO, WHITNEY!
JELLO QUEEN!
GET OUT, QUEEN.
OKAY.
PAM, PAM!
HA HA HA!
WHOS THE PUSSY NOW, HUH?
PAM!
OKAY!
PUSSY. PUSSY.
WHERE ARE THE SHOWERS?
MY PLACE.
NO. THEY NEED A PROPER SHOWER.
WHATS THAT?
OKAY, OKAY.
WOO!
WOO!
OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, I THINK
WERE CLEAN NOW.
YEAH.
NOT YET.
NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE.
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
CAN WE JUST HAVE
OUR PRIZE, PLEASE?
YEAH, PRIZE, PLEASE.
YOUR PRIZE.
UH-HUH. YEAH.
LADIES, THERES PLENTY MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
TA-DA.
OKAY. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?
WHEN DO WE GE THE $800?
DOLLARS?
YEAH.
UH-HUH.
YOURE JOKING, RIGHT?
NO. YOURE JOKING, RIGHT?
THIS IS A BEER PROMOTION.
YOU GET 4000 BUCKS BEERS.
THATS 800 OUNCES.
20 OF THESE 40 OUNCE BOTTLES.
WHAT THE FUCK?
THEYRE GOOD.
OMFG, I FUCKING HATE YOU
SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
ME?
BUT...
MORE FOR US?
GOOD.
AND ITS NOT BAD.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
BULLSHIT.
NO, THEYRE GOOD.
BULLSHIT.
BETTER THAN DOLLARS.
HONEY, YOU DON NEED TO REMIND ME.
NO.
LOOK, IM FULLY AWARE
THE DEANS YOUR BROTHER.
WHAT?
WHY WOULD THE PLUMBER
NEED TO SPEND THE NIGHT?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IM NOT BUYING THAT.
THERE AINT NO LEAK BIG ENOUGH
WHERE HE HAS TO BE THERE
ALL NIGHT LONG.
YEAH?
WELL, OKAY.
IF THATS THE WAY
YOU WANT TO PLAY THIS.
BYE.
BITCH.
SHIT, WHATS GOING ON HERE?
IS THIS A FLAT TIRE, OR WHAT?
OH, MAN.
AND IM SO CLOSE.
SHOOT.
HI.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
WITH SPRING BREAK?
LET IT GO, ALREADY.
IM NOT SOME
BIBLE-THUMPING CRAZY.
THIS IS ABOUT THE TOWN.
OH, PLEASE.
THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
THIS IS ABOUT INJUSTICE.
THIS IS ABOU GETTING LAID,
WHICH YOU CLEARLY NEED.
EW. I WOULD NEVER HOOK UP
WITH SOME BEER-GUZZLING
SPRING BREAKER.
WHOS TO SAY THEY WAN TO HOOK UP WITH YOU?
I HATE THIS.
I FUCKING HATE
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.
I LIKE REAL MEN,
NOT FOOLISH BOYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU JUST NEED SOME
LD ALL UP IN THERE.
LD?
LONG... FORGET IT.
YOU DONT KNOW ME.
YOU DONT KNOW THIS TOWN.
THEY NEED GUIDANCE.
OH, AND YOURE
GOING TO SHOW THEM?
I DONT WANT TO,
BUT YES.
WHATS THE END GAME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH?
JUST TAKE AWAY EVERYONES FUN?
NO. WE CAN
STILL HAVE FUN.
LIKE BOARD GAMES.
TWISTER, CRAZY EIGHTS.
GOOD, CLEAN FUN.
BULLSHIT!
PRUDE!
EVERY FUCKING YEAR WITH THIS.
LETS GET OU OF HERE, DUDE.
FUCKING BAND GEEKS.
OH, BUT...
GUYS, WAIT.
WAIT.
YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR,
AND LEFT FRANNY
PRACTICALLY CATATONIC.
FOR BEER!
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
I DIDNT KNOW
IT WAS WRESTLING.
DO YOU THINK I WOULD LE FRANNY DO JELLO WRESTLING?
NO, I WOULDNT DO THAT.
I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD
SAY JELLO AGAIN.
OH, SORRY.
JELLO. JELLO. JELLO!
JELLO. JELLO. JELLO!
STOP IT!
GOD.
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
LOOK, YOU GUYS,
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
I KNOW, ZOE.
THESE THINGS
JUST HAPPEN.
LOOK, GUYS,
THIS IS IT.
WE CAN STILL
MAKE NATIONALS.
OH, LORD. LOOK.
FORGET IT.
NO.
NO, GUYS, LOOK,
THIS IS IT.
WERE NOT SHOWING OUR TITS
AGAIN AND WINNING BEER.
OKAY, LETS JUS GO TO A MOTEL.
I SECOND THAT.
THERES NO MONEY,
ITS JUST A SCAM.
NO, BUT LOOK
AT THE PRIZE.
A TRIP TO MIAMI
FOR 30 ON A PARTY BUS?
WHATS A PARTY BUS?
ITS A BIG-ASS BUS
THAT CAN CARRY ALL OF US.
AND THE BAND,
AND OUR INSTRUMENTS.
COME ON.
NO WAY.
IM OUT.
ALL RIGHT, ZOE?
IM DONE WITH YOUR IDIOCY.
IM NOT BARING MY BREASTS
TO A BUNCH OF PERVERTS.
YOU JUST DID.
YEAH.
WELL, RIGHT, BUT...
IM NOT DOING IT AGAIN.
BUT WAIT...
LOOK, IM NOT DOING IT, OKAY?
SO JUST GET OVER IT, ZOE.
WELL, OKAY. OKAY.
IN REALITY, I WASN ACTUALLY THINKING
OF YOU DOING IT.
THEN WHO?
WELL, IN REALITY,
OBJECTIVELY,
THERES ONLY ONE OF US
HERE WITH THE PERFECTLY
SHAPED BREASTS NEEDED
TO WIN THIS COMPETITION.
OH, YEAH?
AND WHOS THAT, YOU?
NO, NOT ME.
ALICE.
ME? NO.
THEY ARE PERFECTLY SHAPED.
SYMMETRICAL.
ITS TRUE.
YOU COULD BE IN PLAYBOY.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
MM-HMM.
YEAH.
WOW, CRAIG HAS
NEVER SAID ANYTHING.
OH, HONEY.
CRAIGS GAY.
HES A POLE-SMOKING
BUTT-PIRATE.
NO, HE CANT BE.
HES JUST GO A TINY PENIS.
NOT IN FRONT OF GUYS.
ITS KIND OF CUTE.
HELLO, ALICE,
THIS IS LITTLE CRAIG.
WANNA DO IT?
THERES NOTHING CUTE
ABOUT BEING SMALL.
YES, I DO.
BUT ALICE, IN REALITY,
YOU WOULDNT ACTUALLY
BE GETTING NAKED.
I WOULDNT?
NO, ITS A WE T-SHIRT CONTEST.
YOU KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.
YEAH, BUT STILL.
JESUS CHRIST.
YOU FLASHED YOUR TITS
IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE
COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
THAT IS TRUE.
TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.
OKAY!
OKAY, GREAT.
WELL, WE HAVE TO HURRY.
IT STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES.
OKAY. OKAY.
WELL, THIS IS THE WAY.
DO WE HAVE TO WALK
ACROSS THIS THING?
UH, WELL, DO YOU WAN TO GO TO NATIONALS, OR NOT?
I GUESS.
WHAT IS THIS,
THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES?
IS THAT BAD?
WATCH OU FOR ALLIGATORS.
ALLIGATORS?
BUT THEYRE CUTE.
AND SNAKES.
SNAKES ARE... CUTE, TOO.
JESUS, HONEY.
SHIT LOOKS CUTE TO YOU.
NO. WELL, CRAIG
MAKES THESE LITTLE...
NO!
NO, NO, NO,
STOP.
YOU GUYS...
MUSIC!
OOH!
OKAY, YOU READY?
IM READY.
OKAY. YOU READY?
IM READY.
YOU READY?
IM READY.
YOU READY?
KILL ME NOW.
IM READY. OKAY.
HEY, COME ON.
WHATS GOING ON
WITH YOU GUYS?
ITS THE SLANTED
PEDAL ON THE RIGHT.
OH, MAN!
HEY.
HERE YOU GO,
SIGN RIGHT THERE.
EXCELLENT.
NUMBER ONE.
NEXT?
WELCOME.
SIGN HERE, PLEASE.
THOSE ARE GOING
TO BE GREAT.
YES.
DO YOU GUYS RUN
EVERYTHING HERE?
EVERYTHING
SPRING BREAK RELATED.
WHY, YOU GOING TO TRY
TO SHUT THIS DOWN, TOO?
UH, NO.
NOT THIS TIME.
IM HERE TO SHOW YOU
MY FRIENDS TA-TAS.
AH, WE CAN SEE THAT.
WELL PLAYED, MADAM.
YOU WILL BE
THE NUMBER "THREE",
AS IN ONE, TWO, THREE.
HERE YOU GO.
SEE COP DUDE
OVER THERE?
UH, YEAH.
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HE SAYS TO TELL
YOU THIS:
NO NUDITY.
THIS SPRING BREAK BAN
THAT YOU STARTED SUCKS ASS.
WELL, THANK YOU,
BUT I DID NOT START IT.
IM JUST FINISHING IT.
AND TRUST ME,
THERE WILL BE NO NUDITY.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT?
OH, THERE SHE IS.
YES, OKAY. OKAY.
YOURE GOING TO GO.
ALICE, YOU NEED
TO TAKE OFF YOUR BRA.
I DO?
YEAH, IF YOU WAN A CHANCE AT WINNING.
YOU GOT THIS.
OKAY.
OKAY.
HERES THAT.
GOOD JOB.
THANKS.
OKAY, WELCOME.
SPRING BREAKS NUMBER ONE
WET T-SHIRT CONTEST.
LETS GIVE IT UP
FOR THE GIRLS!
GO ALICE!
ALL RIGHT, FIRST UP WE
GOT CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE.
LETS GET HER WET.
YEAH.
WOO. YEAH, GIRL.
SHAKE IT.
GREAT JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT UP WEVE GO CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO.
WOO!
LETS GO!
WOO!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, LETS HEAR I FOR CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO.
NEXT UP, WEVE GO CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE.
IT SEEMS LIKE WEVE GO A NERVOUS ONE HERE.
GIVE HER A LITTLE
ENCOURAGEMENT.
YEAH!
WOO!
THAT A GIRL.
YES!
WELL, ITS CLOSE.
BUT I THINK THAT...
AM I TOO LATE?
OH, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
A LATE MINUTE ENTRY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, GUYS?
SHOULD WE LET HER COMPETE?
LETS GET IT.
YEAH.
LOOK AT THAT!
OH, OH!
WAIT A MINUTE.
TAKE IT OFF.
TAKE IT OFF.
OH. OH!
YES!
NO! NO, NO. NO!
NO!
ACCORDING TO
STATUTE 269,
WHICH FORBIDS LEWDNESS
WITHIN 10 FEET OF A
GOVERNMENT BUILDING...
I SAID NO NUDITY!
DIDNT YOU TELL HER?
STAY THERE.
NO NUDITY!
COME ON!
ITS NOT MY FAULT, THEY JUS WANTED TO BE FREE.
COME ON, LETS GO.
WERE GONNA
GET ARRESTED.
BUT...
UH...
IM SO ASHAMED.
IT WASNT YOUR FAULT, OKAY?
IT WAS ZOES.
NO, NOT ZOE.
DID SHE EVEN TELL YOU THA THERE COULDNT BE NUDITY?
NO.
I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS GOING
TO TAKE OFF HER SHIRT.
AGAIN, SHE FLASHED AN ENTIRE
REGIONAL FINAL.
NOT INTENTIONALLY.
I KNOW. THAT WAS
YOU FAULT, TOO.
HI, GIRLS.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOKS LIKE YOU WON
YOUR DAY, DIDNT YOU?
YEP.
YOU HERE TO GLOAT?
YEP.
CAN I HIT HER NOW?
NO. SHES PRETTY
AND HER HAIR SMELLS NICE.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
SMELL.
UGH! DAMN IT,
SHES RIGHT.
THANKS.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
ZACHS GONE.
HES GONE!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO NOW?
COME MONDAY, IM GOING BACK
TO BEING AN ACCOUNTANT.
YEAH, THATS RIGHT.
I TURN INTO A PUMPKIN.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE MY WEEKEND.
MINE. UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG
AND MESSED IT UP.
I CANT DO
ANYTHING RIGHT.
I SUCK AT LIFE.
UM, GIRLS?
HELLO?
WHAT DID YOU
DO TO HER?
ME? I DIDNT...
SHE DID THIS.
ZOE IS THE SMARTEST,
NICEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL
PERSON IN THE WORLD.
SHE SAVES KITTENS,
AND SHE LETS ME
COPY HER HOMEWORK.
SO LEAVE HER ALONE.
HMPH.
I DIDNT DO ANYTHING.
SHE WAS FINE UNTIL
ALL YALL SHOWED UP.
YALL ARE A BUNCH
OF FREAKS.
WERE NOT FREAKS,
WERE IN THE MARCHING BAND.
WED BE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS
IF GOD DIDNT HATE US SO MUCH.
WAIT.
AND I LIKE THAT.
OH, MAN.
FIRST A FLAT,
NOW NO GAS.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING.
HEY, GUYS!
HI, HELLO!
FUCK YOUR MOM LATER.
YOU ASSHOLES.
SORRY, YOURE
FINE GENTLEMEN.
ITS COOL.
YOU WANT TO GE FUCKED IN THE ASS?
NO, I DONT.
YOU GUYS ARENT ASSHOLES.
ACTUALLY, YOURE JUS FINE YOUNG GENTLEMEN.
YEAH, YOU ARE.
ITS COOL.
IS IT?
YEAH.
DEAN, IM NOT GOING TO BE
ABLE TO GET TO THE PHONE,
I DONT THINK.
I GUESS ITS GOING TO
GO TO MESSAGE.
WHAT A DAY.
OH, SHIT.
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE IM DOING?
CLEANING UP.
BUT SPRING BREAK
ISNT OVER.
YES, IT IS.
THE MAYORS OFFICE
JUST GOT MY PETITION,
AND SHE IS VERY CLOSE
TO SIGNING THE BAN.
WE WON.
THANKS, GIRLS.
YOURE WELCOME.
WE DIDNT WAN SPRING BREAK TO END.
WE JUST WANTED
TO GO TO MIAMI.
OH, WELL.
THERES MORE
WORK TO BE DONE.
SEE YA.
BYE.
GOD, I HATE HER.
AND HER BEAUTIFUL
BLONDE HAIR.
JUST FORGET HER, OKAY?
LETS JUST GO FIND
COACH GILL AND GE THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
IM REALLY,
REALLY SORRY.
HOW MANY TIMES ARE
YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
GOD, IM NOT EVEN
MAD AT YOU ANYMORE.
I MEAN, I KNOW YOURE
NOT INTENTIONALLY TRYING
TO SCREW US.
ITS JUST THAT YOU ALWAYS
TEND TO FIND A WAY
TO MESS THINGS UP.
ITS JUST YOU.
SAVE IT, OKAY?
MY LIFE IS RUINED.
ITS OVER.
I MIGHT AS WELL
ACCEPT IT.
OH, I NEED A DRINK.
WOW.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LETS GET A TABLE.
OKAY.
YOU!
STOP FOLLOWING US.
HI, ZACH. HI, VANCE.
ARENT YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN JAIL?
MY UNCLES THE SHERIFF, SO...
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
DOUCHEBAGS,
WERE JUST HERE TO
SIT IN THE CORNER
DRINK AWAY OUR SORROWS
WHILE WE WAIT FOR OUR RIDE.
YOU DONT NEED TO
SEXUALLY ASSAULT US ANYMORE.
WHERES THE FUN IN THAT?
BESIDES, ZOE ALREADY
RUINED OUR SPRING BREAK.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL STICK
AROUND AND RUIN THE RES OF OUR LIVES.
EXCUSE ME.
ZOE.
SHOTS.
LETS GET FUCKED UP.
HA!
ARE YOU OKAY?
WELL, NOT REALLY.
IM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY.
CAN I?
YEAH, WOULD YOU?
IF YOU COULD UNTIE THAT,
ITS BE REALLY GREAT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
ITS THOSE DAMN
SPRING BREAKERS.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS TIME
THAT BRINGS OU THE ANIMAL IN US?
BOY, I TELL YOU.
ITS A LACK
OF MORAL GUIDANCE,
BAD PARENTING,
GLOBAL WARMING,
POP CULTURE.
YES.
WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IM MARRIED AND EVERYTHING.
WELL THE THING IS,
IS THAT MY WIFE
HAD THE PLUMBER
SPEND THE NIGHT.
SO WHAT THE FUCK?
ZOE, WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I CAN GET US THE MONEY.
WHAT, SELL YOUR...
NO, NO.
YOU CANT SELL CHARLIE.
YOU LOVE THAT THING.
BUT YOU SAID...
LOOK, I KNOW I GIVE
YOU A HARD TIME, BUT...
ITS JUST BECAUSE I LOVE
TO WIN MORE THAN ANYTHING,
AND YOU ALWAYS TEND
TO MESS THINGS UP.
BUT YOU DONT HAVE
TO DO THIS.
LOOK...
I AM JUST SO TIRED,
AND THIS TRIP IS A DISASTER.
LOOK, IF I CAN GET US
THE MONEY TO GET TO MIAMI
BY SELLING CHARLIE, THEN...
KIND OF THOUGH YOU LOVED THIS EUPHONIUM
MORE THAN ANYTHING.
WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE
THE BEST IN THE WORLD.
OKAY? THE BES IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
JUST THE COUNTRY.
BUT, OKAY.
LOOK, I...
IVE BEEN KIND OF A BITCH
TO YOU ON THIS TRIP.
NO DOUBT.
I PROBABLY OWE
YOU AN APOLOGY.
ITS OKAY.
ITS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
AND IM THE WAY I AM.
YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
ITS NATIONALS.
YEAH.
SHES ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU TWO DO
WHEN YOURE NOT DRUNK,
CRAZY SPRING BREAKERS?
IM A LONELY,
PATHETIC ACCOUNTANT.
I TEACH SPECIAL ED KIDS.
YOU TEACH RETARDS?
RETARDS ARE CUTE.
WHAT IS THAT,
A LINE, OR SOMETHING?
NO, I LOVE MY RETARDS.
WE CAME HERE
ON A SHORT BUS.
OH!
IM NOT DOING THAT.
UH-UH.
WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
WIN THAT, AND THATLL
GET YOU SOME REAL WAMPUM.
ENOUGH TO CHARTER A BUS.
GET YOU TO NATIONALS.
THAT WAS A GOOD EFFORT,
BUT ITS GOING TO TAKE
A GOOD COWBOY
OR COWGIRL TO WIN THIS ONE.
LETS HAVE THE NEX VICTIM UP HERE.
DONT BE SCARED.
ONE PERSON PER RIDE.
SO FAR, SOMEONES ONLY
BEEN ABLE TO HOLD ON
FOR 20 SECONDS.
30S THE GOAL.
YOU GET THAT,
YOU MAKE $100.
A $100 ISN GOING TO CUT IT.
COME ON, FOLKS, REMEMBER
THE EPIC WET T-SHIRT FAILURE?
SO YOU GUYS ARE QUITTERS,
IS THAT WHAT YOURE SAYING?
QUITTER, NO.
WERE NOT QUITTERS.
OKAY, THATS FINE.
JUST SIT HERE, DRINK
YOU LIVES AWAY.
CHEERS TO QUITTING!
YOU ARE HER!
I WATCH THE VIDEO
10 TIMES TODAY!
YAY! WHAT VIDEO?
YOU, TAKE PICTURE.
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT VIDEO, DUDE?
WET T-SHIRT TIT SHOW.
NUMBER ONE VIDEO.
5 MILLION VIEWS.
HOT STUFF!
WERE FAMOUS!
ALICE, THIS IS BAD.
THIS IS VERY, VERY,
VERY FUCKING BAD.
BUT WERE FAMOUS!
EVERYONE CAN SEE
THE VIDEO.
EVERYONE?
SNUGGLE BUNNY!
BUT I SAID I LOVE
THE COLOR FUCHSIA.
POO BEAR!
YOURE PRETTY,
YOURE PRETTY.
YOURE VERY PRETTY, TOO.
YOU?
WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
ZOE MADE A SACRIFICE
FOR THE BAND.
MONEY?
THATS RIGHT.
WOW.
THAT REPRESENTS A LO OF SUCKING AND FUCKING.
AM I RIGHT?
ANAL WHAT?
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
LOOK, ITS NOT A BIG DEAL.
NOT A BIG DEAL?
SHE SOLD HER
EUPHONIUM FOR US.
YOU WHAT?
WELL, IVE DONE
ENOUGH DAMAGE, SO...
BUT THAT WAS
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS.
THAT WAS CHARLIE.
YEAH, WHEN DID
YOU TWO BECOMES BFFS?
LOOK, ALL RIGHT, WERE ALL
ON THE SAME TEAM HERE.
WEVE GOT THE SAME GOALS.
WERE IN THIS TOGETHER.
WELL, LOOK, ITS STILL
NOT ENOUGH MONEY, OKAY?
WE NEED AT LEAST A COUPLE
HUNDRED MORE BEFORE
WE CAN RENT THE BUS.
WE CAN DO THAT.
IF YOU SOLD YOUR EUPHONIUM,
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY
IN THE NATIONALS?
BORROW SOMEONE ELSES.
MY TITS ARE ALL
OVER THE INTERNET.
IS THAT GOOD?
ITS GOOD.
FOR A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT, WHOS READY
TO RIDE THIS THING?
ILL RIDE THAT.
IM NOT FOLLOWING.
BULL, TITS, INTERNET.
BUT THE BULL,
IT DOESNT PAY OUT.
IM LOST.
WHAT IF WE
ALL RIDE THE BULL?
ON THE INTERNET?
AND WE ALL MAKE $100,
THATLL DO IT.
YEAH, OKAY.
BUT IM NOT GETTING
ON THAT THING.
ITS FUCKING DIRTY.
ALL RIGHT, IM IN.
BUT IF I RIDE THIS THING,
YOURE ALL RIDING IT.
DEAL?
DEAL?
DEAL!
HUZZAH! ZOE?
OKAY, I GUESS.
YEAH, OKAY.
WHOSE GOING FIRST?
I GOT THIS.
LADIES, STEP ASIDE.
GIVE IT A SHOT.
OH!
ALL RIGHT, WHOS READY
TO RIDE THIS THING?
ALL RIGHT, WE GO SOMEBODY FOR THE BULL.
STEP RIGHT UP.
GO, VANCE!
DUDE, YOU TOTALLY SUCK.
HE RIGGED IT.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
IM NEXT.
SHES GOING TO FIGHT IT.
OH, WEVE GO ANOTHER ONE COMING IN.
OH, YEAH.
MAKE IT COUNT.
HOLD ON, BABY.
HOLD ON.
IM SLIPPING.
LETS HAVE ANOTHER VICTIM.
STEP RIGHT UP.
JELLO QUEEN!
WHOA!
OOH, LOOK AT HER.
LOOK AT HER GO.
WOW.
OH MY GOSH.
OKAY, ZOE.
YOURE OUR LAST CHANCE.
WERE SCREWED.
NO, I CAN DO THIS.
YOU CANT EVEN WALK
WITHOUT FALLING DOWN.
NO, I GOT THIS, OKAY?
ZOE, YOU CAN DO IT.
OKAY. OKAY?
OKAY.
OKAY?
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
ZOE, ZOE.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
OH.
WHOA, THATS A FIRST.
TITS!
YEAH!
OH! YOU SO PRETTY.
YEAH!
THAT WAS AWESOME.
WELL, THAT WAS QUITE
A RIDE, LITTLE MISS.
IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE.
HELL, IVE OWNED THAT BULL
FOR 10 YEARS,
AND IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE.
WELL, AS LONG AS
IT COUNTS, RIGHT?
WELL, NOW, THATS
ANOTHER ISSUE.
YOU SEE, THE RULES
CLEARLY STATE
THAT YOU CANNOT RIDE
THE BULL NAKED.
OH, BUT THA WASNT MY FAULT.
YEAH, MAN,
THAT AINT RIGHT.
THOSE ARE THE RULES.
OH, AND THATS
ANOTHER ISSUE.
DID YOU NOTICE THA GOOD-LOOKING YOUNG MAN
RIGHT OVER THERE?
THAT COP ARRESTED ME, GUYS.
WHAT DID HE HEAR,
THAT YOU WERE SERVING
UNDERAGE KIDS LIKE US?
OH, YOURE UNDERAGE?
NO.
DEPENDS ON IF YOURE GOING
TO GIVE US THE BULLSHIT MONEY.
LOOK, WEVE BEEN TRYING
TO RAISE MONEY ALL DAY.
OKAY, WE HAVE TO GET TO
OUR NATIONAL COMPETITION.
WE REALLY NEED THIS.
WELL, I THINK YOU GO BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN THAT,
LITTLE MISS.
I WISH YOU A LO OF LUCK WITH THAT.
OFFICER, THEYRE ALL YOURS.
UM...
OFFICER HURLEY, FLPD.
ID LIKE TO HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU, YOUNG LADY.
OKAY, THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT.
IT WAS TOTALLY AN ACCIDENT.
YOU THINK EXPOSING YOURSELF
IN PUBLIC IS OKAY?
BUT IT WASNT HER FAULT.
DIDNT YOU SEE WHA FUCKING HAPPENED?
ILL BE TAKING STATEMENTS
LATER, THANK YOU.
ITS LIKE, EVEN WHEN
YOU WIN, YOU STILL LOSE.
YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR
INDECENT PUBLIC EXPOSURE.
YOU HAVE THE RIGH TO REMAIN SILENT.
NO, IM NOT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND
WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU
IN A COURT OF LAW.
ZOE, WELL BE
RIGHT BEHIND YOU, OKAY?
COME WITH ME, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FUCKING ASSHOLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FUCK YOU.
EVERY YEAR ITS THE SAME THING.
DRINKING, NUDITY, SEX.
OH, I DIDNT HAVE SEX.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
HEY, LOOK WHO
WE FOUND.
WHAT ARE YOU AND
YOU DOING HERE?
SHE SAVED ME.
ITS TRUE.
WERE THEY TAKING YOU TO
THE BIG HOUSE? THE SLAMMER?
15 YEARS TO LIFE.
$50? THATS IT?
DO YOU WANT TO PAY MORE?
OH, NO. IM GOOD.
LISTEN, HAVE A NICE DAY.
IVE GOT MORE
CRIME STOPPING TO DO.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
WELL, MY SHIRT GO CAUGHT ON THE BULL.
IS THAT WHAT YOU KIDS
ARE CALLING IT NOW?
ITS TRUE. IT WAS PRETTY
FUCKING CRAZY, ACTUALLY.
COACH GILL, DO WE
WIN THE NATIONALS?
WHAT? NO.
NO. SORRY.
WHY DO YOU
LOOK LIKE THAT?
LIKE WHAT?
WERE YOU RAPED?
RAPED?
I KNOW, RIGHT?
ALL DAY WITH THIS SHIT.
YEAH. HEY, LOOK,
HERES WHAT WERE
GOING TO DO.
WERE GOING TO GE OURSELVES A RENTED BUS,
WERE GOING TO
TAKE IT TO FLORIDA.
AND IF WERE LUCKY, WELL
MAKE IT THERE ON TIME.
AND WHAT IF
WERE NOT LUCKY?
YOU SHOULD LEAVE OUR TOWN
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
OH, YOUD LIKE THAT,
WOULDNT YOU, ADOLF?
YES. YES, I WOULD.
EXCEPT IM COMING
WITH YOU.
YAY.
SPRING BREAK IS OVER.
THERES NOTHING LEF FOR ME HERE.
EXCEPT WALMART.
CRAP. ITS OVER, ISNT IT?
I DONT HAVE TO FIGHT I FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
AW, BABY.
EWW.
GROSS.
HERE WE COME, FLORIDA.
ISNT FLORIDA, LIKE,
WAY WORSE THAN HERE?
NOT IF GILLS THERE.
WHY DONT WE FIND OUT?
LETS GO TO FLORIDA.
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
AH, ACTUALLY,
I DONT HAVE MY WALLET.
IM SORRY, OFFICER.
I RAN OUT...
BEING SORRY DOES NOT GIVE YOU
THE RIGHT TO BREAK THE LAW,
NOW, DOES IT, SON?
NO, NO. ITS JUST THA MY GIRLFRIEND IS...
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE
WITHOUT A LICENSE
IS A SERIOUS CRIME
IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA.
ESPECIALLY WITH
OUT OF STATE PLATES.
YOU GOT ANY
ID ON YOU?
I DONT HAVE MY WALLET,
SO I DONT HAVE ANYTHING.
YOU GOT NOTHING?
MY NAME IS CRAIG WASSERMAN,
AND I LIVE IN...
SON, I REALLY DO NOT CARE
WHAT NAME YOU CLAIM TO HAVE.
OFFICER, THIS IS
AN EMERGENCY.
I GOTTA GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOUR REGISTRATION
EXPIRED YESTERDAY.
I NEED YOU TO GET OU OF THE VEHICLE.
WHAT?
I CANT.
THIS IS NOT A REQUEST.
I DIDNT DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
I NEED YOU TO COME
DOWN TO THE STATION.
LETS GO.
I DONT WANNA GO.
CRAIG!
SNUGGLE BUNNY!
POO BEAR!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I DID NOTHING WRONG.
WHAT, YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
YES.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
SNUGGLE BUNNY,
YOURE FREE TO GO.
BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU
BEHIND ANY WHEEL
UNTIL YOU GET YOUR LICENSE
BACK, YOU GOT THAT?
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
OW.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DOWN HERE?
YOU CANT GO TO FLORIDA.
OF COURSE WE CAN.
NO. YOURE NOT GOING
BECAUSE YOU WON REGIONALS.
NO KIDDING.
DO YOU KNOW WHY
YOURE GOING, POO BEAR?
THEY LIKE OUR
PERSONALITIES?
TELL EM, COACH.
YOURE GOING BECAUSE OF
THE VIDEO ON THE JUMBOTRON.
WHAT?
I KNEW IT.
YEAH. HEY, YOURE GOING
AS A HALFTIME JOKE.
THEY WANT YOU TO PLAY
SO THEY CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU.
SORRY.
WHY?
WELL, THE DEAN GO A CALL FROM NATIONAL,
AND, YOU KNOW,
SEEMS LIKE
YOU GUYS SPIKED THE RATINGS,
SO THEY OFFERED HIM
$10,000 IF YOU ATTEND.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
YOU ARE POPULAR.
WELL, $10,000 IS ENOUGH
TO GET US TO NATIONALS.
FORGET IT, ZOE.
ITS OVER.
WHAT? WHY CANT WE PLAY?
WHY CANT WE PLAY?
ITS WHAT WE LOVE TO DO.
ITS WHAT WE WANT TO DO.
WHO CARES IF WE SUCK?
WHO CARES IF WERE A JOKE?
WHO CARES?
I CARE.
ME, TOO.
NO, NO. YOU GUYS
DONT CARE, OKAY?
OR YOU SHOULDNT CARE.
LOOK, LETS JUST GO AND
GIVE THEM SOME ENTERTAINMENT.
LETS GIVE THEM
SOME FUN.
COACH, WILL YOU STILL
DRIVE US TO MIAMI?
WE SHOULD STILL GO.
ALL RIGHT, EVEN
IF WE SUCK.
EVEN IF WE SUCK.
I KNOW I SUCK.
WE ALL SUCK, OKAY?
COACH?
AH, WE MADE IT THIS FAR.
IM AT THE PAWN SHOP
NOW, YOU IDIOT.
I NEED MY FUCKING MONEY.
YES, ALL OF IT.
THATS NOT ENOUGH.
GET IN.
WERE ALMOST THERE.
WAIT, WHATS THAT SOUND?
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WERE ALL GONNA DIE!
EVERYBODY, SETTLE DOWN.
THATS IT, SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
DOESNT WANT US TO MAKE IT.
I CANT SEE
A FUCKING THING.
I CANT DRIVE IN THIS.
PULL OVER.
WHAT?
PULL OVER.
OH MY GOD.
I BETTER PUT ON
MY JACKET.
WHAT IS THAT, HAIL?
JESUS, TALK ABOU THE TEMPERATURE DROPPING.
CLOSE THE WINDOW!
WE DONT HAVE
INSURANCE FOR THIS.
YES, I LIKE PRESENTS
FOR CHRISTMAS.
WHAT?
SHE SAID SHES
A LESBIAN?
NO, I DIDNT.
WHAT?
YOURE A LIBERTARIAN?
WHAT?
SHE SAID SHES A LESBIAN,
BROWARD COUNTY BEING
NOW CALLED
FOR MANDATORY EVACUATION.
WITH ME NOW IS
A REPRESENTATIVE
FROM SEVERE STORM
FORECAST CENTER.
JOHN, WHAT IS YOUR TAKE
ON THIS FREAK STORM?
THIS APPEARS TO BE
THE LARGEST F6 STORM
IN THE HISTORY...
HOW FAR AWAY ARE WE
FROM THE STADIUM?
WERE ALMOST THERE.
JUST A FEW MILES.
BUT WE HAVE TO
GET THERE!
MAYBE THEYRE GOING TO
POSTPONE THE NATIONALS.
NO, IF WE DONT SHOW UP,
WE FORFEIT.
THATS THE RULES.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME DRIVE, AND WELL
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WERE GOING TO
WIN THE NATIONALS.
YOU GUYS,
WERE GONNA BE OKAY.
GUYS, CALM DOWN.
CALM DOWN.
MOTHERFUCK.
WE MADE IT! SUCK IT,
WORLD, WERE HERE.
EVERYTHING DISAPPEARED.
JESUS.
THIS HAD TO BE A...
A HURRICANE.
CATEGORY FIVE.
TOOK EVERYTHING OUT.
SO WHAT, NO NATIONALS?
NO.
OF COURSE.
NO, WAIT.
WE JUST...
YEAH, WERE FROM
WOODVILLE, MAN.
WE JUST DROVE
A GAZILLION MILES
FOR THIS COMPETITION.
DID YOU NOW JUS SEE THAT MASSIVE STORM?
SO?
SO, THERES...
NOBODY ELSE SHOWED UP.
YOU CANT HAVE A COMPETITION
WITH NOBODY TO COMPETE WITH.
BUT WE CAME ALL THIS WAY.
WAIT, IF THERES
NO COMPETITION,
THAT MEANS WERE THE WINNERS,
BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE SHOWED UP.
WIN WHAT?
LOOK, THERE ARE NO
OTHER BANDS HERE.
YOU THE ONLY ONES CRAZY ENOUGH
TO COME OUT IN THIS MESS.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
EVERYONE ELSE FORFEITED,
SINCE THEY DIDNT SHOW UP.
THEREFORE, WE WIN.
SHE MIGHT BE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHATEVER.
HERE YOU GO.
BE MY GUEST.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
WHAT DO YOU THINK, GIRLS?
YOU GUYS EARNED IT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
CONSTANCE, HUH?
SOME GOOD SHIT THERE, HUH?
OH, WOW.
MAYBE ILL PU A DRINK IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, WE DIDNT EVEN...
I KNOW, BUT APPARENTLY,
THIS VICTORY WAS A BIG ONE.
THE CHAIRMAN CALLED ME
PERSONALLY TO TELL ME
WE HAVE A WHOLE
NEW SUPPORT TEAM.
BOOSTERS, INVESTORS,
YOU NAME IT.
THEY JUST CAME OU OF THE WOODWORK.
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY ALL
DID A VERY GOOD JOB
FOR OUR SCHOOL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE. REALLY.
SO IF YOU NEED
OR WANT ANYTHING,
SAY THE WORD.
ANYTHING?
MY, OH MY
FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE
WORLDS GOT YOU DOWN
YOU LOST YOUR
LUST FOR LIFE
AND YOUR SOUL, BY NOW
CANT BE FOUND
DONT LET THE STARS
ABOVE DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
WERE BACK.
OH, YEAH.
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
JELLO!
WOO!
LETS GO.
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
DIG OUT YOUR SOUL
TAKE IT SO THE WHOLE
WORLD SEES IT SHINE
SHINE ON LIKE
A DIAMOND, BABY
GIVE THESE LAZY
BONES SOME TIME
DONT LET THE STARS
ABOVE DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
AND SHOW THEM
WHO IS WHO
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON LIVING,
KEEP ON GIVING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON LOVING,
KEEP ON STRUGGLING
THE TIME IS NOW
WEVE GOT DREAMS
THAT SET US FREE
NOW ONE KNOWS, BU YOU GOTTA BELIEVE
IN MY HEART,
IN MY SOUL
ITS ALL ILL EVER KNOW
KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON HUSTLING,
KEEP ON BUSTLING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON PUSHING,
KEEP ON PUSHING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON,
KEEP ON
KEEP ON, KEEP ON, KEEP ON
KEEP ON,
KEEP ON
KEEP ON, KEEP ON, KEEP ON
YEAH
ALLOW ME TO TAKE MORE
TIME TO APOLOGIZE
IT SEEMS THA LATELY I
FADE AWAY INTO THE NIGH I CANNO PROMISE THAT
THINGS WILL
END UP ALL RIGHT
SO BABY,
BE CAREFUL
PROMISE YOULL
HOLD ON TIGHT
LETS TAKE THIS
TRIP TOGETHER
LETS PRETEND
THAT ITS FOREVER
ITS ALL RIGH TONIGHT
PRAY TO GOD WE
WAKE UP ALIVE
REGIONALS!
WERE ON NEXT.
IM SO NERVOUS.
WHY? BECAUSE WINNING THIS
COULD LAUNCH US TO NATIONALS,
AND NATIONALS COULD LAUNCH US
TO BIGGER NATIONALS,
MAYBE WE COULD
GET A GIG
MARCHING IN THE MACYS
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
AND THEN...
OKAY, OKAY.
RAMIREZ, REMEMBER,
ITS STEP, STOP, STEP.
NOT STOP, STOP,
PICK YOUR NOSE, STEP,
ALL RIGHT?
NOW GIRLS, THIS IS
THE SAME ROUTINE
THAT WEVE DONE
ALL SEASON, ALL RIGHT?
YOURE GOING TO BE
JUST FINE.
ARE YOU SURE,
COACH GILL?
YES, BECAUSE THE JUDGES
THIS YEAR HAVE LOWERED
THEIR STANDARDS.
YAY! WERE GONNA WIN!
SHH.
YEAH. ZOE?
FRONT AND CENTER.
DO YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
NO. I THINK YOU MAY
BE THE GEEKIEST ONE HERE,
SO YOULL KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH THAT.
ITS A NEW THING
FROM THE DEAN.
HE WANTS A LIVE FEED OF
THE MARCHING BAND
FOR HIS JUMBO SCREEN.
OKAY, USE IT,
DONT USE IT.
I DONT GIVE A SHIT,
BUT LISTEN...
YOU GUYS, LETS JUST MAKE I THROUGH THE NEXT 20 MINUTES
WITHOUT EMBARRASSING OURSELVES.
SO THIS CAMERA COULD
CHANGE OUR LIVES FOREVER.
OH, SURE.
DO YOU WANT ME TO ATTACH I TO MY EUPHONIUM?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST FIGURE IT OUT.
GIRLS, NINE MINUTES,
AND THEN I WANT A FORMATION.
NINE MINUTES?
JESUS.
WHAT DID COACH GILL WANT?
TO CHANGE
OUR LIVES FOREVER.
COOL.
DEAN HANLON,
LOOKING SHARP.
DO I KNOW YOU?
WELL, OUR LITTLE ALICE
IS GOING TO REGIONALS.
OH, YES. ALISON.
ALICE.
SO, DEAN HANLON,
DO YOU THINK
SHELL MEET BOYS
WHEN SHE GOES TO FLORIDA?
BOYS? WHAT, I DONT...
WELL, ITS SPRING BREAK.
SHES GOING TO MEET, LIKE,
SUPER HOT GUYS.
LIKE ABS, MUSCLES...
ALISON?
ALICE.
SHELL BE FINE.
YOUR SISTER.
GIRLFRIEND.
GIRLFRIEND?
WELL ALL BE SAFE, OKAY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT?
IM GONNA GO SIT DOWN NOW.
YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT. COOL.
HEY, WELL, WELL
SEE YOU AT NATIONALS.
I DOUBT IT.
WAIT, GUYS:
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
ZOE.
GOD, THE CROWD
CANT WAIT.
THEY LOVE US.
THEY ABSOLUTELY DO.
ZOE!
ALICE?
YES? OH, HELLO.
YEAH!
DO YOU THINK
MY BOOBS ARE EVEN?
YEAH, THEYRE...
CHECK MINE.
OH, THEYRE...
HOW DO THEY LOOK?
OKAY, GUYS?
COULD YOU GET DRESSED NOW?
LETS PUT THE CLOTHES ON,
NOT TAKE THEM OFF.
NO!
HEY, THERE,
PRICKLY PEAR.
OH!
PROBABLY BETTER SHAVE
BEFORE WE GO OUT THERE.
YEP.
YOU KNOW, IF WE WIN THIS,
IF WE DO NATIONALS...
MM-HMM.
IN FLORIDA.
IVE NEVER BEEN TO NATIONALS.
I MEAN, IVE NEVER
BEEN TO FLORIDA.
IVE NEVER EVEN BEEN
OUT OF THE STATE.
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
WERE GOING TO FLORIDA!
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
POO BEAR!?
BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!
HEY, LADY GAG-ME.
GE THE HELL DRESSED.
OKAY. YEAH.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.
IM SO PROUD OF YOU.
KISS, KISS, KISS.
I JUST KNOW
WERE GONNA WIN.
I JUST KNOW
WERE GONNA MAKE IT.
MY GRANDMOTHER AND CHARLIE,
WHEN THEY WENT TO SCHOOL HERE,
THEY MADE IT TO NATIONALS,
AND MY MOM DID, TOO.
AND NOW WERE GOING, I JUS KNOW WERE GOING TO MAKE IT.
HEY, HIPPIE CHICK.
IM NOT GOING TO
SAY IT AGAIN.
GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW.
NO!
GIRLS, HEY!
WHY ARENT YOU DRESSED?
I SAID FORMATION ONE.
COME ON.
CAMERA!
MEN IN THE LOCKER ROOM!
AH!
THE CAMERA,
THE CAMERAS ON.
TURN IT OFF!
WE COULD SEE EVERYTHING.
ITS STILL ON.
HOW DO YOU TURN
THIS DAMN THING OFF?
THIS. YOU.
THE CROWD.
JUMBOTRON.
BOOBS!
IN MY OFFICE.
GIRL, I THINK THE THING
WE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM THIS
IS THAT DRUGS ARE NO GOOD.
NOW FORMATION ONE,
FOR THE LAST TIME.
YOUVE GOT ONE MINUTE.
GET DRESSED.
COACH GILL.
YOU AND THIS, UM...
BAND.
THE BAND.
A BAND.
AND THAT RECORDING...
THE VIDEO.
YEAH, THE VIDEO.
LOOK, SO WE MADE
A STUPID MISTAKE.
IT WAS... YOU KNOW,
EVERYONE HAD A CHEAP THRILL.
"OH MY GOD."
NO ONE WAS HARMED.
THATS NOT TRUE AT ALL.
ITS A NON-ISSUE.
THE GIRLS LOST. SHOCKER.
WERE NOT GONNA GE PAST THE REGIONALS.
OH MY GOD!
I THINK WHAT YOU
AND I OUGHT TO DO
IS HEAD OVER TO REGGIES
AND GRAB A FUCKING DRINK.
SIT.
NO, IM GONNA
GO GET A DRINK
AND PRETEND MY LIFE
MEANS SOMETHING.
GILL... I CAN BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS.
YOURE GOING
TO THE NATIONALS.
IM GETTING DRUNK.
YOURE GOING.
WE FUCKING SUCKED.
YES, TRUE,
BUT ITS NOT THE ISSUE.
SIT DOWN.
WHATS HE SAYING?
I SWEAR TO GOD, ZOE,
IF YOU BLEW THIS FOR ME.
ME?
IM ON A SCHOLARSHIP.
ME, TOO.
SCHOLARSHIPS?
YOU CAN GET THOSE HERE?
OH, YEAH.
WERE GOING TO NATIONALS.
ABOUT TIME.
COACH GILL,
WHERE THE HELLS THE BUS?
ITS LATE.
YOU KNOW BUSSES.
THEYRE ALWAYS LATE.
YOU OKAY, SNUGGLE BUNNY?
OH, POO BEAR.
I KNOW WE TALKED ABOUT THIS,
AND ILL BE OKAY IN FLORIDA.
EVEN IF IT IS SPRING BREAK.
THATS NOT ME,
YOU KNOW THAT.
BESIDES, I KNOW YOURE LOOKING
FORWARD TO SPENDING TIME
WITH YOUR
SPECIAL FRIEND, HANK.
YEAH.
ANYWAY, UM...
LOOK, I JUST...
I THINK THAT IF YOU
WANTED TO MAKE A SEX TAPE...
WHAT?
I MEAN, THATS COOL
IF YOU DID.
I DONT WANT TO
MAKE A SEX TAPE. DO YOU?
NO. I MEAN,
YOU KNOW IM KINDA...
SMALL.
NO, NOT...
VERY SMALL.
NOT VERY.
OH, ITS OKAY.
WE HAVE THE DRUMSTICK.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
I USE ON YOU.
YEAH, THAT ONE.
BESIDES, TOO BIG IS...
HEY, I COMPENSATE, RIGHT?
NOT REALLY,
BUT THATS OKAY.
I PROMISE TO ONLY
MAKE SEX TAPES WITH YOU.
AND WE CAN USE
YOUR MOMS VIDEO CAMERA.
AND NO ONE WILL SEE
YOUR CRAIG JR.
OKAY?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, ILL MISS YOU.
ILL MISS YOU, TOO.
HEY, MICHELLE,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
I MISSED MY FUCKING PLANE. WHAT?
MY BITCH-ASS MOTHER
WOULDNT STOP TALKING.
ITS NOT MY FAULT.
YOUR HOUSE SOUNDS
LIKE A LOVELY PLACE.
WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HEY, GIRLS,
JUST CHILL, ALL RIGHT?
GET YOUR STUFF READY
TO PACK UP, HERE.
CAREFUL.
ITS JUST A EUPHONIUM.
NO, THIS IS CHARLIE,
OKAY?
HE WAS MY GRANDMAS.
ITS THE ONLY THING
I HAVE LEFT FROM HER.
OH, IM SORRY.
WELL, MAYBE YOU
SHOULDNT PLAY IT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUS HANG IT ON YOUR WALL
AND PLEASURE YOURSELF WHILE
YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR GRANNY.
WELL, MAYBE ILL
THINK ABOUT YOU.
EWW.
SO, IM ACTUALLY
A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
BECAUSE IVE ACTUALLY NEVER
DRIVEN A BUS THIS BIG.
IM SURE I CAN DO IT,
I CAN DO ANYTHING.
BUT...
YEAH, ITS JUST LIKE
DRIVING A CAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU PUT I IN D FOR GO,
AND R FOR BACK.
OKAY, BUT ITS FULL
OF INSTRUMENTS...
P FOR PARK.
THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.
I DONT WANT TO MESS IT UP.
I HAVE COMPLETE FAITH
IN YOU, SWEETHEART.
OKAY, IM JUS GONNA...
NO SWEAT.
MAKE SURE
THE INSTRUMENTS...
GOOD IDEA.
SO, WERE READY
TO BE PACKED, RIGHT?
ON TO THE BUS.
YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE
ALL THE INSTRUMENTS
ARE ACCOUNTED FOR.
BUT, YOU KNOW,
I REALLY THINK THAT ZOE
SHOULD JUST TAKE THE PLANE
WITH THE OTHER GIRLS.
I MEAN, WERE KINDA
FULL AS IT IS,
AND SHES REALLY ANNOYING.
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CANT LEAVE CHARLIE.
YOU KNOW, ZOE,
YOU REALLY DO HAVE
AN UNNATURAL RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR INSTRUMENT.
YOU REALIZE THAT, RIGHT?
NO, HE WAS MY GRANDMAS.
WELL, THE STATEMEN STILL STANDS.
LOOK, TWO DAYS, ILL SEE
YOU GUYS IN MIAMI, FLORIDA.
ALL RIGHT, ANYTHING GOES
WRONG, JUST FIGURE IT OUT.
IS THERE ANY REASON
WHY IT SMELLS LIKE ASS?
YOU COULD HAVE
TAKEN THE PLANE
WITH THE OTHER GIRLS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
AND BREATHE RECYCLED AIR?
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW BAD THAT IS FOR YOU?
FINE. WHITNEY,
YOURE IN CHARGE.
OF COURSE I AM.
HEY, COACH?
HEY, ALICE.
DO YOU THINK WE HAVE A CHANCE
OF WINNING THE NATIONALS?
UH, NO.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS ARE
GONNA DO FINE.
ILL SEE YOU IN FLORIDA.
DRIVE CAREFUL.
ITLL BE FINE.
REALLY? A SHORT BUS?
LETS GO, RETARDS.
WHY WOULD COACH GILL,
EVEN SAY THAT?
NO?
HES ON MEDICATION.
YEAH.
NO, HES TRYING
TO MOTIVATE US.
THATS THE OPPOSITE
OF MOTIVATING US.
IM MOTIVATED.
NO, I READ ABOUT IT.
ITS CALLED REVERSE
MOTION EMPATHY.
TRUE.
HE WANTS US TO SUCCEED
BY PUTTING US DOWN.
ITS BRILLIANT, ACTUALLY.
ITS CALLED
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE.
BELIEVE ME,
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
LOOK, OUR COACH
IS A DRUNK, OKAY?
BUT WERE GONNA WIN
IN SPITE OF HIM, RIGHT?
YEAH.
SURE.
WE ARE.
YEAH.
YOU GOTTA KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
DIG OUT YOUR SOUL
DIG IT SO THE WHOLE
WORLD SEES IT SHINE
SHINE ON LIKE
A DIAMOND, BABY
GIVE THESE LAZY
BONES SOME TIME
DONT LET THE STARS ABOVE
DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
AND SHOW THEM
WHO IS WHO
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON LIVING,
KEEP ON GIVING
ZOE!
REALLY? REALLY.
YOURE REALLY
PLAYING RIGHT NOW.
COULD YOU PUT THA FUCKING THING AWAY?
WERE TRYING TO SLEEP.
STOP FUCKING PLAYING, ZOE.
IM GONNA SHOVE
THAT UP YOUR ASS.
GIVE IT TO ME.
UGH, IM TRYING
TO PRACTICE, OKAY?
I HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
ZOE!
GUYS, REST STOP.
FIVE MINUTE BREAK.
HEY, COACH GILL,
WHATS UP?
OH, YEAH. WERE JUS STOPPING FOR GAS.
I DONT KNOW...
WHOSE CLARINET?
KAREN, THAT DUMBASS.
OKAY.
HEY, WILL YOU FILL UP
THE TANK FOR ME REAL QUICK?
IM GONNA GO
LOOK FOR SOMETHING.
OKAY.
HEY.
YOU HEADED DOWN
TO SPRING BREAK?
SPRING WHAT?
MAYBE ILL SEE YOU
DOWN THERE, YOU KNOW?
YOU SHOULD ENTER ONE OF
THOSE WET T-SHIRT CONTESTS.
ID LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU
GOT GOING ON UNDER THERE.
OH.
NO.
OKAY. ITS TOO BAD.
QUEEF YOU LATER.
OKAY.
FLORIDA!
THERES THE SIGN.
READY?
BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT, BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT THE DRUMS.
BEAT, BEAT THE DRUMS.
PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY, PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY THE FLUTE.
PLAY, PLAY THE FLUTE.
MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH, MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH THE BAND.
MARCH, MARCH THE BAND.
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN, WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN THE NATIONALS...
GIRLS, GIRLS,
YOU DO REALIZE
WE HAVE OVER 200 MILES TO GO?
200 LONG MILES.
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WIN, WIN THE NATIONALS.
JESUS.
WIN THE NATIONALS...
OH MY GOD, THERES SMOKE
POURING OUT OF THE HOOD.
SHIT, I THINK
WERE BREAKING DOWN.
CONTROL THE BUS!
I CANT CONTROL IT!
MY EUPHONIUM!
OH MY GOD!
IM STOPPING!
JESUS.
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?
DID YOU HIT SOMEBODY?
MY UNCLE DID THAT ONCE
AND NOW WE HAVE A BODY
IN THE BACKYARD.
I DIDNT HI ANYONE, OKAY?
SOMETHINGS WRONG
WITH THE BUS.
OH.
YOU GUYS...
CHARLIES OKAY.
EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE OKAY.
WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
WITH YOUR STUPID
EUPHONIUM, OKAY?
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OU HOW TO GET TO MIAMI.
WE CAN TAKE A BUS.
MORON.
SOMEONE CALL
A TOW TRUCK.
RIGHT.
WHATS EVERYONE LOOKING AT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ABOUT WHAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA, OKAY?
HES BEEN UNDER THE HOOD
FOR 15 MINUTES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT.
WE CAN CALL IT.
WHAT? NO, OKAY?
WERE CLOSE. WERE ONLY,
LIKE, 500 MILES AWAY.
I DONT SEE IT.
I THINK ITS IMPOSSIBLE,
SWEETIE.
NO, OKAY, ALL RIGHT?
WELL MAKE IT.
WELL BE THERE IN,
LIKE, A DAY OR SO.
YEP.
OKAY, HOLD ON.
I THINK HES DONE.
ILL CALL YOU BACK. BYE.
GOODBYE.
WELL, LOOK,
I AINT NO MECHANIC.
BUT ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
WHAT?
WELL, SOMEONE PU GASOLINE IN THIS THING.
ZOE!
WHAT?
DIESEL! A BUS TAKES DIESEL.
BUT YOU NEVER SAID...
EVERYONE KNOWS THA BUSSES TAKE DIESEL.
COME ON, WERE IN
COMMUNITY COLLEGE,
NOT KINDERGARTEN.
YOU PUT GASOLINE
IN A DIESEL TANK?
FML, DAMN YOU MOM.
WELL, IM SORRY.
I DONT DRIVE A BUS.
I DONT FEEL
SO GOOD, GUYS.
I FEEL REALLY HOT.
I DONT FEEL GOOD.
IS THAT ELVIS?
YOU LOOK KINDA WEIRD.
ANYWAY, YOURE PROBABLY
GOING TO NEED YOURSELVES
A NEW MOTOR.
OH, AND HOW MUCH
IS THAT GONNA COST?
BUS LIKE THIS?
I DUNNO, THREE.
FOUR, MAYBE.
HUNDRED?
THOUSAND.
THREE TO FOUR
HUNDRED THOUSAND?
DAMN.
YEAH. ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK
FINDING YOURSELVES A MECHANIC
THIS WEEKEND.
YOU KNOW,
SPRING BREAK AND ALL.
NO, NO. SEE, WE HAVE
TO GET TO MIAMI
BECAUSE, LIKE,
OUR WHOLE BAND
AND OUR FUTURE IS
DEPENDING ON THIS.
SORRY, LADIES.
WISH I HAD BETTER
NEWS FOR YOU.
YOU DO REALIZE
YOURE THE REASON
WERE NOT GOING
TO NATIONALS, RIGHT?
WELL, I...
SO THIS IS WHA WERE GONNA DO.
BUY AN ENGINE,
GET TO NATIONALS.
SEE? PROBLEM SOLVED.
AND WHERE ARE WE GONNA
GET THE MONEY, BRAIN TRUST?
ASK COACH GILL. HA!
OOH, THIS SUCKS!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KILLED OUR BUS,
YOU KILLED OUR CHANCES
OF GOING TO NATIONALS.
YOU KILLED MY FUTURE.
YOU KILLED MY
UNBORN CHILDREN
BECAUSE IM PROBABLY
GOING TO GROW UP
IN SOME NOWHERE TOWN
WITH SOME LOSER HUSBAND
SO I MIGHT AS WELL
JUST KILL MYSELF.
THANK YOU, ZOE.
GUYS, IM SORRY.
I...
HI, IM CONSTANCE.
DONT CARE.
OKAY. WOULD YOU ALL SIGN
MY "BAN THE BREAK" PETITION?
SURE.
DO YOU HAVE $4000
TO BUY US A NEW ENGINE?
NO.
THEN GET OUT OF
MY FUCKING FACE.
WHATS BAN THE BREAK?
BAN THE BREAK.
STRING BREAK.
THEYRE HAVING FUN.
WHY WOULD YOU
WANT TO BAN THAT?
IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
YES, IT IS.
AND FYI, I HAVE MY REASONS.
FYI? WHATS THAT?
GUYS, UH...
WHOA, WHOA.
HEY THERE.
I GOT YOU.
I GOT YOU NOW.
EASY. COME ON.
LETS JUST COME OVER HERE.
FRANNY?
OH, I THINK
IM GETTING HOT.
OH, I THINK
IM GETTING DELIRIOUS.
SOMEBODY CATCH ME.
OKAY, GUYS,
LETS JUST GET HER UP
AND GET HER OU OF THE SUN, OKAY?
LETS TAKE HER
OVER THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
UP WE GO.
UP WE GO HERE.
I GOT YOU. EASY.
COME ON.
UP YOU GO.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
WAIT!
FUCKING REDNECK.
WAY TO BE
A GENTLEMAN.
NO!
THIS WITH THE BUS,
AND STOPPING?
DEAN, TAKE A BREATH.
NATIONALS. NATIONALS!
HEY, MAN, YOU NEED
TO CHILL OUT.
YOU NEED TO GE THOSE GIRLS TO FLORIDA
TO MAKE THE NATIONALS.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
LOOK, I THINK YOURE WORKING
WAY TOO HARD.
LOOK, I DONT CARE IF
YOURE MARRIED TO MY SISTER.
I WILL FIRE YOU IF YOU DO NO GET THOSE GIRLS TO FLORIDA.
YOU REMEMBER THAT SHI I GAVE YOU, DEAN?
YOU SHOULD TAKE
SOME MORE OF THAT, MAN.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHAT IS THIS?
SHES GOT A TOUCH
OF HEATSTROKE, MAN.
COULD YOU GET SOME WATER?
IS SHE DEAD?
SHES NOT DEAD, IDIOT.
NO ONE DIED.
BUT SHES NOT MOVING.
SHE JUST NEEDS TO
GET OUT OF THE SUN.
MOM, THIS IS BULLSHIT.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE
I AM RIGHT NOW?
NO, NO.
LISTEN TO ME.
YOURE SUCH A BITCH.
OKAY, LISTEN, YOU
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
JUST TAKE CARE OF THIS.
JUST, UH...
WHAT? IT WORKS ON TV.
FUCKING GOD,
STOP BREATHING.
WHERE ARE WE?
LOOK, ZOE, YOU SAVED HER.
SHE DID NOT SAVE HER.
ZOE, YOU COULD
BE A DOCTOR.
CAN WE GET OU OF HERE, PLEASE?
THIS PLACE IS
GIVING ME A COMPLEX.
I SHOULD BE IN
SOME NICE-ASS HOTEL.
NOT SOME DIRTY
TITTY-BAR IN THE MIDDLE
OF EAST BUMBLEFUCK.
YOUR HANDS ARE DIRTY.
UGH, DONT TOUCH ME.
RUB IT.
OKAY.
OH.
SOUNDS CRAZY TO YOU
BUT WHY SHOULD
I CARE, OH, REALLY?
OKAY.
WELL, IM GONNA GO GE YOU GIRLS A TOW FOR YOUR BUS.
OH, GOD.
ITS GILL.
OH. WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO SAY?
I GUESS THATS HES GOING TO
HAVE TO PERFORM
WITHOUT THE INSTRUMENTS
AND WITHOUT US.
WELL...
HELLO?
IS THAT POSSIBLE?
LADIES.
LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD
USE A REFRESHER.
MMM, YUMMY.
WHAT, THAT SHIT?
MM-HMM.
A REAL SOUTHERN BOY?
SOUTHERN FRIED GENTLEMAN.
FINGER LICKING GOOD.
WOW, THAT LINE IS ABOU AS OLD AS YOUR HAIRCUT.
YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
DO YOU DO PORN?
LOOK, MEAT PUPPETS,
AS SOON AS OUR BUS IS FIXED,
WERE OUT OF THIS TWILIGHT ZONE
TOWN, GOT IT, CLEM?
MAN, IS IT HOT IN HERE,
OR IS IT JUST ME?
OH MY GOD,
I JUST GOT WET.
YOURE SUCH A SLUT.
FOCUS, FOCUS.
FOCUS ON THIS.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, I COULDNT HELP
BUT OVERHEAR YOUR PREDICAMENT.
THERE ARE WAYS OF MAKING
MONEY IN THIS TOWN.
NO FUCKING WAY.
OOH.
YOU GUYS HAVE
SOME SERIOUS POTENTIAL.
WATCH ME
ROUND AND ROUND
UPSIDE DOWN
SILEN FEVERS RISING
FASCINATION
OH, IM SUCH A BAD GIRL
I GOT YOU...
I GOT YOU...
KISS ME
SPIN ME AROUND
KISS ME
SPIN ME AROUND
IM SUCH A BAD GIRL
BUT EVEN IF WE
HAD THE ENGINE,
IT WOULD TAKE THEM
A WEEK TO FIX IT.
WHITNEY, YOURE JUST SEVEN
OR NINE HOURS AWAY.
WE CAN GET A BUS
AND GET OVER TO MIAMI
AND MEET THE RES OF THE BAND.
WHAT, AND LEAVE
THE INSTRUMENTS?
ITD PROBABLY MAKE YOU
SOUND BETTER.
WE CAN SHIP THEM.
CANT AFFORD IT.
THIS ISNT A STATE COLLEGE.
DONT YOU HAVE INSURANCE?
MAYBE, BUT THERES NO REALLY ANY INSURANCE
IN GETTING YOU TO
NATIONALS IN 48 HOURS.
SO WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO?
UH, I DONT KNOW.
DO YOU REALLY WAN TO DO THIS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
ILL DRIVE UP THERE.
FINE.
WOW. LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, MOVE OVER.
OH.
GRR.
I LOVE COUGARS.
FUCK YOU, IM 24 YEARS OLD.
AH, MILF TERRITORY.
I LIKE IT.
MILF?
WHERE THE FUCK
DID YOU FIND THESE GUYS?
SO WHAT DID
COACH GILL SAY?
HES COMING OVER.
HES DRIVING.
HE WONT MAKE IT IN TIME.
PROBABLY NOT.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
YOU CAN STAY
AT MY PLACE.
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
ACTUALLY, JUST NO,
MINUS THE THANKS.
SO, HOW ARE WE GOING
TO MAKE IT TO NATIONALS
BY SATURDAY?
WE COULD TIME TRAVEL.
OKAY. YOU GET ON THAT.
OR WE COULD TAKE A PLANE,
OR A BUS, OR A TRAIN.
YEAH, TIME TRAVELS
A BETTER IDEA.
YEAH, THAT WOULD BE COOL.
WHATEVER WE DECIDE, WE HAVE
TO TAKE ALL THE INSTRUMENTS.
WELL, LETS JUS RENT ANOTHER BUS.
I MEAN, A BIG ONE.
I BET YOU BOYS
HAVE A BIG BUS.
ILL SHOW YOU
A BIG BUS.
HOW BIG?
HUGE.
LONG, WIDE,
PUSH AND PULL DOORS.
EMERGENCY EXIT AND ALL.
REALLY WENT OUT OF
YOUR WAY TO BE CLICH
THERE, DIDNT YOU...
UM...
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, IM JUST...
DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR?
NO! I NEED SOME AIR.
HEY, LOOK, WELL JUS WAIT FOR COACH GILL, OKAY?
I MEAN, WE CAN MAKE
IT TO NATIONALS,
AND HES SMART ENOUGH.
HE CAN FIND US THERE.
THAT BUS HAS
69 INSTRUMENTS IN I AND SIX OF THEM
ARE SOUSAPHONES.
WE NEED ANOTHER BUS.
WERE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, WEVE LE THE WHOLE BAND DOWN.
BY WE, I MEAN YOU, ZOE.
WELL CHARTER ANOTHER BUS.
WITH WHAT?
WE HAVE NO MONEY.
COACH GILL HAS MONEY.
NOT THAT KIND OF MONEY.
WELL, HOW MUCH?
TO CHARTER A BUS?
LIKE, A COUPLE THOUSAND.
WELL, THATS BETTER
THAN 4000.
AND THATS WAY
BETTER THAN 400,000.
SHUT THE HELL UP,
YOU BLITHERING IDIOT.
SHES NOT AN IDIOT.
YES, SHE IS.
I JUST WANT ALL OF YOU GUYS
TO STOP TALKING.
NOT TALKING.
HOLD ON. FROM NOW ON,
YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK.
I HATE YOU, MOM.
JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!
OKAY!
TALKING... IM STILL TALKING.
ALL RIGHT, HERES WHA WERE GOING TO DO.
HERES THE PLAN.
IM GONNA GO LOCATE
US A MECHANIC.
FRANNY. FRANNY?
YEAH?
I WANT YOU TO GO FIND US
A BUS TO CHARTER, OKAY?
AND YOU GUYS JUST HANG OU AND TRY NOT THE MESS
ANYTHING ELSE UP, OKAY?
ZIP!
WELL, HOW CAN WE
MAKE THE 2000?
I DONT KNOW.
JUST WHATEVER YOU DO,
JUST MAKE SURE YOU ONLY
USE YOUR BODY PARTS.
OKAY, LIKE YOUR ORGANS,
ALL RIGHT?
ARE WE CLEAR?
OKAY? ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, FRANNY.
YOU GUYS, I REALLY
THINK WE SHOULD
DANCE ON THE POLE, OKAY?
I MEAN, WERE NO GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
DO I HAVE TO SHOW
MY CUPCAKES?
THATS WHAT CRAIG CALLS THEM.
REALLY?
HI, GIRLS. ARE YOU
FINALLY READY TO SIGN
MY ANTI-SPRING BREAK PETITION?
OKAY.
ALICE, YOU CANT JUS SIGN ANYTHING.
OH.
WHAT IS THIS?
SEE THAT OVER THERE?
THIS TOWN IS FULL
OF SLUTTY SLUTTERMANS
AND THEIR SMUTTY
SLUTFULNESS.
OKAY, I CAN SEE THAT.
EVERY YEAR,
FOR ONE WEEKEND,
ONE ENTIRE WEEKEND,
THIS TOWN PLUNGES
INTO A WELL OF DEBAUCHERY
DEPRAVITY, AND DAMNATION.
THEY CALL IT SPRING BREAK.
I CALL IT SPRING BREAK ME DOWN.
IM WORKING ON IT.
ITS NOT A FINISHED TITLE.
THE POINT IS
FOR 48 HOURS
THIS TOWN CHANGES
INTO SOME PLACE
LIKE NEW ORLEANS
SOUTHERN FLORIDA,
OR EVEN MEXICO,
WITH THE LATINOS, LATINAS,
BURRITOS, FAJITAS.
WHATEVER.
SO PLEASE, SIGN THIS.
OKAY.
GREAT.
OH, IF I SIGN THIS,
WILL YOU WATCH ME DANCE
AND GIVE ME A FEW DOLLARS?
HUH? NO.
OH, ARE YOU
POLE DANCING, TOO?
NO, I DONT.
ARE YOU SHY?
NO, I JUST...
WELL, CAUSE YOU HAVE
REALLY GREAT BREASTS.
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DANCE.
YEAH, REALLY NICE.
JUST SIGN THE DAMN PETITION.
THANKS.
I WONDER WHY SHE HATES
SPRING BREAK SO MUCH.
MAYBE SHES MORMON.
DIM THE LIGHTS,
SHUT THE DOORS
SPEAKERS ON,
HEAR THE STRINGS
TAKE YOUR SPACE,
TIE YOUR SHOES
BRING THE BASS,
HEAR THE STRINGS
DIM THE LIGHTS,
SHUT THE DOORS
SPEAKERS ON,
HEAR THE STRINGS
TAKE YOUR SPACE,
TIE YOUR SHOES
BRING THE BASS,
HEAR THE STRINGS
JUMP UP AND DOWN
JUMP UP, SWING AROUND
JUMP UP THIS BAR
JUMP IT UP
JUMP UP AND DOWN
JUMP UP, SWING AROUND
JUMP UP THIS BAR
JUMP IT UP
BODIES ON FIRE
FULL OF HEAT
PLAY THE RECORD,
NEEDLE THREAD
OUR IMPULSES TELL US
WE MUST GO
WITH OUR DIGNITY,
WE HAVE NO PAIN
AS FOR YOUR MAMAS
LA LA LA LA
WEAR WHAT YOU WAN AND BE YOUR OWN ROCK
NO ONE REALLY CARES...
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
DANCE WITH ME, AND ROCK
CAUSE WE WONT STOP
LADIES.
BOYS.
YOUR BACK.
YOUR FRONT.
YOURE STUPID.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
ONE OF YOU WOULDNT HAPPEN
TO BE A MECHANIC, WOULD YOU?
ARE YOU PLAYING
ROLE FANTASIES?
UH, NO.
REAL QUESTION.
THEN NO.
MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
WHAT YOU NEED FIXING WITH?
WELL, WE REALLY NEED
$3000 TO FIX OUR BUS
SO WE CAN GE TO SOUTH FLORIDA.
BABY, YOU DONT NEED
TO GO DOWN THERE.
THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS,
TENACIOUS,
HELLACIOUS SPRING BREAKISH
PARTY OF THE CENTURY
STARTS RIGHT HERE.
UH, THOSE AREN REAL WORDS.
YEAH, THEY ARE.
IT DOESNT MATTER.
THE POINT IS YOURE
NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL YOU GE NASTY WITH THE NATIVES.
OKAY.
THATS RIGHT.
BODY SHOT, BODY SHOT.
HOLY SHIT.
SO PRETTY.
WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK?
OH MY GOD,
ITS SO PRETTY.
FIRE! OH MY GOD!
WHAT THE FUCK?
IM SO SORRY,
IM REALLY TICKLISH.
THIS BAR HAS BEEN HERE
IN ITS ORIGINAL SHAPE
FOR 50 MOTHERFUCKING YEARS.
NEVER BEEN CHANGED,
IN 10 MINUTES,
YOU RUIN THE WHOLE
FUCKING THING.
OUT!
YOURE BANISHED.
NO SPRING BREAKERS.
GET OUT OF MY ESTABLISHMENT.
OUT!
YEAH, YOU KEEP RUNNING.
YOU RUN STRAIGHT TO HELL,
YOU SPRING BREAK BASTARDS.
DONT YOU COME BACK.
WOW, THAT WAS...
SO NOT COOL.
I THINK SHES ONE OF
THOSE BAN THE BREAK GIRLS
ONLY SHES MASQUERADING
AS A SPRING BREAKER
TO SABOTAGE US.
NO.
I JUST HEARD WHAT YOU DID.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
MURPHY, THE BAR OWNER,
IS A CITY COUNCIL MEMBER.
HE IS A HUGE
GET FOR US.
US? IM NO ONE OF YOU.
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU SIGNED OUR PETITION.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
BUT I DIDNT MEAN...
AND TO THINK THAT I WAS GONNA
HAVE A THREE-WAY WITH YOU.
WHAT?
BUT I...
WHERE ARE TWEEDLE DEE
AND TWEEDLE DUMBER GOING?
ZOES SAD, BECAUSE SHE WAS
GOING TO HAVE A THREESOME
WITH THOSE TWO.
YOURE SUCH A FUCKING SLUT.
YOU CANT KEEP YOUR LEGS
TOGETHER FOR 10 MINUTES?
NO, IT WASN A THREESOME, OKAY?
I WAS GOING TO GO
DANCE ON THE POLE,
AND THEN THEY DID
A SHOT ON MY BODY,
AND THEN THE FIRE HAPPENED...
YOUR BEAUTIFUL FRIEND HERE
JUST HELPED CLOSE DOWN
THAT EXOTIC BAR.
NO.
AND LET ME GUESS:
IT WASNT HER FAULT.
WELL, TECHNICALLY...
TECHNICALLY, YOURE A
DERANGED MORON, OKAY?
WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?
SO DO WE HAVE ANY ANSWER
TO OUR BUS PRAYERS?
SHOCKER.
COME ON, GUYS,
ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
STOP, REALLY.
WERE EMBARRASSING OURSELVES.
SHE HAS A POINT.
ALL RIGHT, LETS JUST GE THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NO. GUYS, I...
WAIT.
WAIT!
NO, I FOUND IT.
JELLO!
OH, CRAP.
I CANT BELIEVE IT.
IM GETTING STOPPED?
WHAT DID I DO?
IM NOT SPEEDING.
AH, MAN.
FUCK.
HELLO!
YOU GUYS, LOOK.
HERES THE JELLO
EATING CONTEST.
WELL, I DONT GET IT.
HOW IS JELLO GOING
TO FIX THE BUS?
WELL, LOOK, THE WINNER
GETS $800.
NOBODY IS GOING TO PAY YOU
$800 TO EAT JELLO.
AND $800 DON BUY US A NEW BUS.
YEAH, BUT ITS ENOUGH
THAT WE COULD RENT ONE.
ZOE IS SO SMART.
AND FRANNY, WE ALL KNOW
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE JELLO.
I DO LOVE JELLO.
GOD.
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
IT PAYS YOU TO DO THINGS YOU
WOULD NORMALLY DO FOR FREE.
THATS TRUE, I COULD EAT JELLO
ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.
IVE SEEN HER DO IT.
ITS GROSS.
WILL YOU DO IT?
IF IT GETS US
TO NATIONALS,
THEN IM IN.
AWESOME.
COME ON. I THINK THEYRE
DOING IT IN THE BACK.
THATS WHAT SHE SAID.
WAIT. WHATD SHE SAY?
ZOE.
ALICE. LADIES.
WELCOME TO THE JELLO JUNGLE.
ARE YOU HERE TO
BEG FOR FORGIVENESS
OR ARE YOU GOING TO TRY
TO SHUT THIS DOWN, TOO?
FORGIVENESS. NO!
OKAY, FORGIVEN.
ARE YOU HERE TO WATCH?
UH, WERE HERE TO WIN.
YEAH.
AND WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE A RINGER
WHO LOVES JELLO.
SHE LOVES IT.
WELL, WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE THE JELLO.
WOW.
THIS ISNT SANITARY.
OH, IM SURE IT IS.
YEAH, FRAN.
IM NOT EATING IT.
FRANNY, ITS NATIONALS.
NATIONALS.
I WOULDNT EAT I IF MY MOTHER WAS DYING.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HEY, ITS JELLO TIME.
WHO DARES CHALLENGE
THIS FINE LADY
TO THE JELLO PIT?
ANY TAKERS?
ANYONE AT ALL?
I DO.
PAM! PAM, PAM.
PAM, PAM.
GET IN THERE.
YOURE NOT GONNA WHAT?
DO THIS?
LETS GET IT ON.
EXCUSE ME?
AND THE PUSSY
SAYS WHAT?
WHAT?
OH, PUSSY!
PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY.
IM NOT A PUSSY.
YOURE A PUSSY.
YOURE A PUSS...
PUSSY.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
LETS SAVE I FOR THE JELLO, LADIES.
ARE WE READY?
GO, FRANNY!
DO YOU HAVE A SPOON?
WAIT, I DONT THINK
THIS IS A JELLO EATING CONTEST.
WAIT, WHAT?
FRANNY, YOUR BRA.
ITS A $30 BRA!
THATS A $30 BRA,
YOU FUCKING BITCH.
GET HER, FRANNY.
GET HER, FRANNY. GET HER!
FRANNY, TAG ME IN.
LET ME AT HER.
ALICE! ALICE. ALICE.
ALICE!
ALICE, ALICE, ALICE.
GET HER, ALICE.
OH!
ZOE!
ZOE, HELP ME!
ZOE, HELP!
PAM, YOURE SCARY.
DOUBLE TEAM!
OH, YEAH?
GOTCHA.
YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS
DONT STAND A CHANCE HERE.
OR IN FLORIDA!
WHERE YOU GOING?
BAND CAMP?
OOH!
YOURE GOING TO BAND CAMP.
LET ME GE ONE THING STRAIGHT.
THERE AINT NOTHING WRONG
WITH BAND CAMP.
NO, THERES NOT!
I AM THE JELLO QUEEN, BITCH.
GO, WHITNEY!
JELLO QUEEN!
GET OUT, QUEEN.
OKAY.
PAM, PAM!
HA HA HA!
WHOS THE PUSSY NOW, HUH?
PAM!
OKAY!
PUSSY. PUSSY.
WHERE ARE THE SHOWERS?
MY PLACE.
NO. THEY NEED A PROPER SHOWER.
WHATS THAT?
OKAY, OKAY.
WOO!
WOO!
OKAY, OKAY.
OKAY, I THINK
WERE CLEAN NOW.
YEAH.
NOT YET.
NO MORE, NO MORE, NO MORE.
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
CAN WE JUST HAVE
OUR PRIZE, PLEASE?
YEAH, PRIZE, PLEASE.
YOUR PRIZE.
UH-HUH. YEAH.
LADIES, THERES PLENTY MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
TA-DA.
OKAY. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY?
WHEN DO WE GE THE $800?
DOLLARS?
YEAH.
UH-HUH.
YOURE JOKING, RIGHT?
NO. YOURE JOKING, RIGHT?
THIS IS A BEER PROMOTION.
YOU GET 4000 BUCKS BEERS.
THATS 800 OUNCES.
20 OF THESE 40 OUNCE BOTTLES.
WHAT THE FUCK?
THEYRE GOOD.
OMFG, I FUCKING HATE YOU
SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
ME?
BUT...
MORE FOR US?
GOOD.
AND ITS NOT BAD.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
BULLSHIT.
NO, THEYRE GOOD.
BULLSHIT.
BETTER THAN DOLLARS.
HONEY, YOU DON NEED TO REMIND ME.
NO.
LOOK, IM FULLY AWARE
THE DEANS YOUR BROTHER.
WHAT?
WHY WOULD THE PLUMBER
NEED TO SPEND THE NIGHT?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IM NOT BUYING THAT.
THERE AINT NO LEAK BIG ENOUGH
WHERE HE HAS TO BE THERE
ALL NIGHT LONG.
YEAH?
WELL, OKAY.
IF THATS THE WAY
YOU WANT TO PLAY THIS.
BYE.
BITCH.
SHIT, WHATS GOING ON HERE?
IS THIS A FLAT TIRE, OR WHAT?
OH, MAN.
AND IM SO CLOSE.
SHOOT.
HI.
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
WITH SPRING BREAK?
LET IT GO, ALREADY.
IM NOT SOME
BIBLE-THUMPING CRAZY.
THIS IS ABOUT THE TOWN.
OH, PLEASE.
THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
THIS IS ABOUT INJUSTICE.
THIS IS ABOU GETTING LAID,
WHICH YOU CLEARLY NEED.
EW. I WOULD NEVER HOOK UP
WITH SOME BEER-GUZZLING
SPRING BREAKER.
WHOS TO SAY THEY WAN TO HOOK UP WITH YOU?
I HATE THIS.
I FUCKING HATE
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.
I LIKE REAL MEN,
NOT FOOLISH BOYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU JUST NEED SOME
LD ALL UP IN THERE.
LD?
LONG... FORGET IT.
YOU DONT KNOW ME.
YOU DONT KNOW THIS TOWN.
THEY NEED GUIDANCE.
OH, AND YOURE
GOING TO SHOW THEM?
I DONT WANT TO,
BUT YES.
WHATS THE END GAME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH?
JUST TAKE AWAY EVERYONES FUN?
NO. WE CAN
STILL HAVE FUN.
LIKE BOARD GAMES.
TWISTER, CRAZY EIGHTS.
GOOD, CLEAN FUN.
BULLSHIT!
PRUDE!
EVERY FUCKING YEAR WITH THIS.
LETS GET OU OF HERE, DUDE.
FUCKING BAND GEEKS.
OH, BUT...
GUYS, WAIT.
WAIT.
YOU MESSED UP MY HAIR,
AND LEFT FRANNY
PRACTICALLY CATATONIC.
FOR BEER!
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
I DIDNT KNOW
IT WAS WRESTLING.
DO YOU THINK I WOULD LE FRANNY DO JELLO WRESTLING?
NO, I WOULDNT DO THAT.
I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD
SAY JELLO AGAIN.
OH, SORRY.
JELLO. JELLO. JELLO!
JELLO. JELLO. JELLO!
STOP IT!
GOD.
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
LOOK, YOU GUYS,
I SAID I WAS SORRY.
I KNOW, ZOE.
THESE THINGS
JUST HAPPEN.
LOOK, GUYS,
THIS IS IT.
WE CAN STILL
MAKE NATIONALS.
OH, LORD. LOOK.
FORGET IT.
NO.
NO, GUYS, LOOK,
THIS IS IT.
WERE NOT SHOWING OUR TITS
AGAIN AND WINNING BEER.
OKAY, LETS JUS GO TO A MOTEL.
I SECOND THAT.
THERES NO MONEY,
ITS JUST A SCAM.
NO, BUT LOOK
AT THE PRIZE.
A TRIP TO MIAMI
FOR 30 ON A PARTY BUS?
WHATS A PARTY BUS?
ITS A BIG-ASS BUS
THAT CAN CARRY ALL OF US.
AND THE BAND,
AND OUR INSTRUMENTS.
COME ON.
NO WAY.
IM OUT.
ALL RIGHT, ZOE?
IM DONE WITH YOUR IDIOCY.
IM NOT BARING MY BREASTS
TO A BUNCH OF PERVERTS.
YOU JUST DID.
YEAH.
WELL, RIGHT, BUT...
IM NOT DOING IT AGAIN.
BUT WAIT...
LOOK, IM NOT DOING IT, OKAY?
SO JUST GET OVER IT, ZOE.
WELL, OKAY. OKAY.
IN REALITY, I WASN ACTUALLY THINKING
OF YOU DOING IT.
THEN WHO?
WELL, IN REALITY,
OBJECTIVELY,
THERES ONLY ONE OF US
HERE WITH THE PERFECTLY
SHAPED BREASTS NEEDED
TO WIN THIS COMPETITION.
OH, YEAH?
AND WHOS THAT, YOU?
NO, NOT ME.
ALICE.
ME? NO.
THEY ARE PERFECTLY SHAPED.
SYMMETRICAL.
ITS TRUE.
YOU COULD BE IN PLAYBOY.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
MM-HMM.
YEAH.
WOW, CRAIG HAS
NEVER SAID ANYTHING.
OH, HONEY.
CRAIGS GAY.
HES A POLE-SMOKING
BUTT-PIRATE.
NO, HE CANT BE.
HES JUST GO A TINY PENIS.
NOT IN FRONT OF GUYS.
ITS KIND OF CUTE.
HELLO, ALICE,
THIS IS LITTLE CRAIG.
WANNA DO IT?
THERES NOTHING CUTE
ABOUT BEING SMALL.
YES, I DO.
BUT ALICE, IN REALITY,
YOU WOULDNT ACTUALLY
BE GETTING NAKED.
I WOULDNT?
NO, ITS A WE T-SHIRT CONTEST.
YOU KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON.
YEAH, BUT STILL.
JESUS CHRIST.
YOU FLASHED YOUR TITS
IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE
COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
THAT IS TRUE.
TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.
OKAY!
OKAY, GREAT.
WELL, WE HAVE TO HURRY.
IT STARTS IN FIVE MINUTES.
OKAY. OKAY.
WELL, THIS IS THE WAY.
DO WE HAVE TO WALK
ACROSS THIS THING?
UH, WELL, DO YOU WAN TO GO TO NATIONALS, OR NOT?
I GUESS.
WHAT IS THIS,
THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES?
IS THAT BAD?
WATCH OU FOR ALLIGATORS.
ALLIGATORS?
BUT THEYRE CUTE.
AND SNAKES.
SNAKES ARE... CUTE, TOO.
JESUS, HONEY.
SHIT LOOKS CUTE TO YOU.
NO. WELL, CRAIG
MAKES THESE LITTLE...
NO!
NO, NO, NO,
STOP.
YOU GUYS...
MUSIC!
OOH!
OKAY, YOU READY?
IM READY.
OKAY. YOU READY?
IM READY.
YOU READY?
IM READY.
YOU READY?
KILL ME NOW.
IM READY. OKAY.
HEY, COME ON.
WHATS GOING ON
WITH YOU GUYS?
ITS THE SLANTED
PEDAL ON THE RIGHT.
OH, MAN!
HEY.
HERE YOU GO,
SIGN RIGHT THERE.
EXCELLENT.
NUMBER ONE.
NEXT?
WELCOME.
SIGN HERE, PLEASE.
THOSE ARE GOING
TO BE GREAT.
YES.
DO YOU GUYS RUN
EVERYTHING HERE?
EVERYTHING
SPRING BREAK RELATED.
WHY, YOU GOING TO TRY
TO SHUT THIS DOWN, TOO?
UH, NO.
NOT THIS TIME.
IM HERE TO SHOW YOU
MY FRIENDS TA-TAS.
AH, WE CAN SEE THAT.
WELL PLAYED, MADAM.
YOU WILL BE
THE NUMBER "THREE",
AS IN ONE, TWO, THREE.
HERE YOU GO.
SEE COP DUDE
OVER THERE?
UH, YEAH.
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
HE SAYS TO TELL
YOU THIS:
NO NUDITY.
THIS SPRING BREAK BAN
THAT YOU STARTED SUCKS ASS.
WELL, THANK YOU,
BUT I DID NOT START IT.
IM JUST FINISHING IT.
AND TRUST ME,
THERE WILL BE NO NUDITY.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT?
OH, THERE SHE IS.
YES, OKAY. OKAY.
YOURE GOING TO GO.
ALICE, YOU NEED
TO TAKE OFF YOUR BRA.
I DO?
YEAH, IF YOU WAN A CHANCE AT WINNING.
YOU GOT THIS.
OKAY.
OKAY.
HERES THAT.
GOOD JOB.
THANKS.
OKAY, WELCOME.
SPRING BREAKS NUMBER ONE
WET T-SHIRT CONTEST.
LETS GIVE IT UP
FOR THE GIRLS!
GO ALICE!
ALL RIGHT, FIRST UP WE
GOT CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE.
LETS GET HER WET.
YEAH.
WOO. YEAH, GIRL.
SHAKE IT.
GREAT JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT UP WEVE GO CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO.
WOO!
LETS GO!
WOO!
YEAH!
ALL RIGHT, LETS HEAR I FOR CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO.
NEXT UP, WEVE GO CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE.
IT SEEMS LIKE WEVE GO A NERVOUS ONE HERE.
GIVE HER A LITTLE
ENCOURAGEMENT.
YEAH!
WOO!
THAT A GIRL.
YES!
WELL, ITS CLOSE.
BUT I THINK THAT...
AM I TOO LATE?
OH, WAIT JUST A SECOND.
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE
A LATE MINUTE ENTRY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, GUYS?
SHOULD WE LET HER COMPETE?
LETS GET IT.
YEAH.
LOOK AT THAT!
OH, OH!
WAIT A MINUTE.
TAKE IT OFF.
TAKE IT OFF.
OH. OH!
YES!
NO! NO, NO. NO!
NO!
ACCORDING TO
STATUTE 269,
WHICH FORBIDS LEWDNESS
WITHIN 10 FEET OF A
GOVERNMENT BUILDING...
I SAID NO NUDITY!
DIDNT YOU TELL HER?
STAY THERE.
NO NUDITY!
COME ON!
ITS NOT MY FAULT, THEY JUS WANTED TO BE FREE.
COME ON, LETS GO.
WERE GONNA
GET ARRESTED.
BUT...
UH...
IM SO ASHAMED.
IT WASNT YOUR FAULT, OKAY?
IT WAS ZOES.
NO, NOT ZOE.
DID SHE EVEN TELL YOU THA THERE COULDNT BE NUDITY?
NO.
I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS GOING
TO TAKE OFF HER SHIRT.
AGAIN, SHE FLASHED AN ENTIRE
REGIONAL FINAL.
NOT INTENTIONALLY.
I KNOW. THAT WAS
YOU FAULT, TOO.
HI, GIRLS.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
LOOKS LIKE YOU WON
YOUR DAY, DIDNT YOU?
YEP.
YOU HERE TO GLOAT?
YEP.
CAN I HIT HER NOW?
NO. SHES PRETTY
AND HER HAIR SMELLS NICE.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
SMELL.
UGH! DAMN IT,
SHES RIGHT.
THANKS.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
ZACHS GONE.
HES GONE!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO NOW?
COME MONDAY, IM GOING BACK
TO BEING AN ACCOUNTANT.
YEAH, THATS RIGHT.
I TURN INTO A PUMPKIN.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE MY WEEKEND.
MINE. UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG
AND MESSED IT UP.
I CANT DO
ANYTHING RIGHT.
I SUCK AT LIFE.
UM, GIRLS?
HELLO?
WHAT DID YOU
DO TO HER?
ME? I DIDNT...
SHE DID THIS.
ZOE IS THE SMARTEST,
NICEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL
PERSON IN THE WORLD.
SHE SAVES KITTENS,
AND SHE LETS ME
COPY HER HOMEWORK.
SO LEAVE HER ALONE.
HMPH.
I DIDNT DO ANYTHING.
SHE WAS FINE UNTIL
ALL YALL SHOWED UP.
YALL ARE A BUNCH
OF FREAKS.
WERE NOT FREAKS,
WERE IN THE MARCHING BAND.
WED BE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS
IF GOD DIDNT HATE US SO MUCH.
WAIT.
AND I LIKE THAT.
OH, MAN.
FIRST A FLAT,
NOW NO GAS.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING.
HEY, GUYS!
HI, HELLO!
FUCK YOUR MOM LATER.
YOU ASSHOLES.
SORRY, YOURE
FINE GENTLEMEN.
ITS COOL.
YOU WANT TO GE FUCKED IN THE ASS?
NO, I DONT.
YOU GUYS ARENT ASSHOLES.
ACTUALLY, YOURE JUS FINE YOUNG GENTLEMEN.
YEAH, YOU ARE.
ITS COOL.
IS IT?
YEAH.
DEAN, IM NOT GOING TO BE
ABLE TO GET TO THE PHONE,
I DONT THINK.
I GUESS ITS GOING TO
GO TO MESSAGE.
WHAT A DAY.
OH, SHIT.
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT DOES IT LOOK
LIKE IM DOING?
CLEANING UP.
BUT SPRING BREAK
ISNT OVER.
YES, IT IS.
THE MAYORS OFFICE
JUST GOT MY PETITION,
AND SHE IS VERY CLOSE
TO SIGNING THE BAN.
WE WON.
THANKS, GIRLS.
YOURE WELCOME.
WE DIDNT WAN SPRING BREAK TO END.
WE JUST WANTED
TO GO TO MIAMI.
OH, WELL.
THERES MORE
WORK TO BE DONE.
SEE YA.
BYE.
GOD, I HATE HER.
AND HER BEAUTIFUL
BLONDE HAIR.
JUST FORGET HER, OKAY?
LETS JUST GO FIND
COACH GILL AND GE THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
IM REALLY,
REALLY SORRY.
HOW MANY TIMES ARE
YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE?
GOD, IM NOT EVEN
MAD AT YOU ANYMORE.
I MEAN, I KNOW YOURE
NOT INTENTIONALLY TRYING
TO SCREW US.
ITS JUST THAT YOU ALWAYS
TEND TO FIND A WAY
TO MESS THINGS UP.
ITS JUST YOU.
SAVE IT, OKAY?
MY LIFE IS RUINED.
ITS OVER.
I MIGHT AS WELL
ACCEPT IT.
OH, I NEED A DRINK.
WOW.
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LETS GET A TABLE.
OKAY.
YOU!
STOP FOLLOWING US.
HI, ZACH. HI, VANCE.
ARENT YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN JAIL?
MY UNCLES THE SHERIFF, SO...
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
DOUCHEBAGS,
WERE JUST HERE TO
SIT IN THE CORNER
DRINK AWAY OUR SORROWS
WHILE WE WAIT FOR OUR RIDE.
YOU DONT NEED TO
SEXUALLY ASSAULT US ANYMORE.
WHERES THE FUN IN THAT?
BESIDES, ZOE ALREADY
RUINED OUR SPRING BREAK.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL STICK
AROUND AND RUIN THE RES OF OUR LIVES.
EXCUSE ME.
ZOE.
SHOTS.
LETS GET FUCKED UP.
HA!
ARE YOU OKAY?
WELL, NOT REALLY.
IM HAVING A REALLY BAD DAY.
CAN I?
YEAH, WOULD YOU?
IF YOU COULD UNTIE THAT,
ITS BE REALLY GREAT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
ITS THOSE DAMN
SPRING BREAKERS.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS TIME
THAT BRINGS OU THE ANIMAL IN US?
BOY, I TELL YOU.
ITS A LACK
OF MORAL GUIDANCE,
BAD PARENTING,
GLOBAL WARMING,
POP CULTURE.
YES.
WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IM MARRIED AND EVERYTHING.
WELL THE THING IS,
IS THAT MY WIFE
HAD THE PLUMBER
SPEND THE NIGHT.
SO WHAT THE FUCK?
ZOE, WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I CAN GET US THE MONEY.
WHAT, SELL YOUR...
NO, NO.
YOU CANT SELL CHARLIE.
YOU LOVE THAT THING.
BUT YOU SAID...
LOOK, I KNOW I GIVE
YOU A HARD TIME, BUT...
ITS JUST BECAUSE I LOVE
TO WIN MORE THAN ANYTHING,
AND YOU ALWAYS TEND
TO MESS THINGS UP.
BUT YOU DONT HAVE
TO DO THIS.
LOOK...
I AM JUST SO TIRED,
AND THIS TRIP IS A DISASTER.
LOOK, IF I CAN GET US
THE MONEY TO GET TO MIAMI
BY SELLING CHARLIE, THEN...
KIND OF THOUGH YOU LOVED THIS EUPHONIUM
MORE THAN ANYTHING.
WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE
THE BEST IN THE WORLD.
OKAY? THE BES IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
JUST THE COUNTRY.
BUT, OKAY.
LOOK, I...
IVE BEEN KIND OF A BITCH
TO YOU ON THIS TRIP.
NO DOUBT.
I PROBABLY OWE
YOU AN APOLOGY.
ITS OKAY.
ITS JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
AND IM THE WAY I AM.
YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
ITS NATIONALS.
YEAH.
SHES ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU TWO DO
WHEN YOURE NOT DRUNK,
CRAZY SPRING BREAKERS?
IM A LONELY,
PATHETIC ACCOUNTANT.
I TEACH SPECIAL ED KIDS.
YOU TEACH RETARDS?
RETARDS ARE CUTE.
WHAT IS THAT,
A LINE, OR SOMETHING?
NO, I LOVE MY RETARDS.
WE CAME HERE
ON A SHORT BUS.
OH!
IM NOT DOING THAT.
UH-UH.
WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
WIN THAT, AND THATLL
GET YOU SOME REAL WAMPUM.
ENOUGH TO CHARTER A BUS.
GET YOU TO NATIONALS.
THAT WAS A GOOD EFFORT,
BUT ITS GOING TO TAKE
A GOOD COWBOY
OR COWGIRL TO WIN THIS ONE.
LETS HAVE THE NEX VICTIM UP HERE.
DONT BE SCARED.
ONE PERSON PER RIDE.
SO FAR, SOMEONES ONLY
BEEN ABLE TO HOLD ON
FOR 20 SECONDS.
30S THE GOAL.
YOU GET THAT,
YOU MAKE $100.
A $100 ISN GOING TO CUT IT.
COME ON, FOLKS, REMEMBER
THE EPIC WET T-SHIRT FAILURE?
SO YOU GUYS ARE QUITTERS,
IS THAT WHAT YOURE SAYING?
QUITTER, NO.
WERE NOT QUITTERS.
OKAY, THATS FINE.
JUST SIT HERE, DRINK
YOU LIVES AWAY.
CHEERS TO QUITTING!
YOU ARE HER!
I WATCH THE VIDEO
10 TIMES TODAY!
YAY! WHAT VIDEO?
YOU, TAKE PICTURE.
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT,
WHAT VIDEO, DUDE?
WET T-SHIRT TIT SHOW.
NUMBER ONE VIDEO.
5 MILLION VIEWS.
HOT STUFF!
WERE FAMOUS!
ALICE, THIS IS BAD.
THIS IS VERY, VERY,
VERY FUCKING BAD.
BUT WERE FAMOUS!
EVERYONE CAN SEE
THE VIDEO.
EVERYONE?
SNUGGLE BUNNY!
BUT I SAID I LOVE
THE COLOR FUCHSIA.
POO BEAR!
YOURE PRETTY,
YOURE PRETTY.
YOURE VERY PRETTY, TOO.
YOU?
WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
ZOE MADE A SACRIFICE
FOR THE BAND.
MONEY?
THATS RIGHT.
WOW.
THAT REPRESENTS A LO OF SUCKING AND FUCKING.
AM I RIGHT?
ANAL WHAT?
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
LOOK, ITS NOT A BIG DEAL.
NOT A BIG DEAL?
SHE SOLD HER
EUPHONIUM FOR US.
YOU WHAT?
WELL, IVE DONE
ENOUGH DAMAGE, SO...
BUT THAT WAS
YOUR GRANDMOTHERS.
THAT WAS CHARLIE.
YEAH, WHEN DID
YOU TWO BECOMES BFFS?
LOOK, ALL RIGHT, WERE ALL
ON THE SAME TEAM HERE.
WEVE GOT THE SAME GOALS.
WERE IN THIS TOGETHER.
WELL, LOOK, ITS STILL
NOT ENOUGH MONEY, OKAY?
WE NEED AT LEAST A COUPLE
HUNDRED MORE BEFORE
WE CAN RENT THE BUS.
WE CAN DO THAT.
IF YOU SOLD YOUR EUPHONIUM,
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY
IN THE NATIONALS?
BORROW SOMEONE ELSES.
MY TITS ARE ALL
OVER THE INTERNET.
IS THAT GOOD?
ITS GOOD.
FOR A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT, WHOS READY
TO RIDE THIS THING?
ILL RIDE THAT.
IM NOT FOLLOWING.
BULL, TITS, INTERNET.
BUT THE BULL,
IT DOESNT PAY OUT.
IM LOST.
WHAT IF WE
ALL RIDE THE BULL?
ON THE INTERNET?
AND WE ALL MAKE $100,
THATLL DO IT.
YEAH, OKAY.
BUT IM NOT GETTING
ON THAT THING.
ITS FUCKING DIRTY.
ALL RIGHT, IM IN.
BUT IF I RIDE THIS THING,
YOURE ALL RIDING IT.
DEAL?
DEAL?
DEAL!
HUZZAH! ZOE?
OKAY, I GUESS.
YEAH, OKAY.
WHOSE GOING FIRST?
I GOT THIS.
LADIES, STEP ASIDE.
GIVE IT A SHOT.
OH!
ALL RIGHT, WHOS READY
TO RIDE THIS THING?
ALL RIGHT, WE GO SOMEBODY FOR THE BULL.
STEP RIGHT UP.
GO, VANCE!
DUDE, YOU TOTALLY SUCK.
HE RIGGED IT.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
IM NEXT.
SHES GOING TO FIGHT IT.
OH, WEVE GO ANOTHER ONE COMING IN.
OH, YEAH.
MAKE IT COUNT.
HOLD ON, BABY.
HOLD ON.
IM SLIPPING.
LETS HAVE ANOTHER VICTIM.
STEP RIGHT UP.
JELLO QUEEN!
WHOA!
OOH, LOOK AT HER.
LOOK AT HER GO.
WOW.
OH MY GOSH.
OKAY, ZOE.
YOURE OUR LAST CHANCE.
WERE SCREWED.
NO, I CAN DO THIS.
YOU CANT EVEN WALK
WITHOUT FALLING DOWN.
NO, I GOT THIS, OKAY?
ZOE, YOU CAN DO IT.
OKAY. OKAY?
OKAY.
OKAY?
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
ZOE, ZOE.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
OH.
WHOA, THATS A FIRST.
TITS!
YEAH!
OH! YOU SO PRETTY.
YEAH!
THAT WAS AWESOME.
WELL, THAT WAS QUITE
A RIDE, LITTLE MISS.
IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE.
HELL, IVE OWNED THAT BULL
FOR 10 YEARS,
AND IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE.
WELL, AS LONG AS
IT COUNTS, RIGHT?
WELL, NOW, THATS
ANOTHER ISSUE.
YOU SEE, THE RULES
CLEARLY STATE
THAT YOU CANNOT RIDE
THE BULL NAKED.
OH, BUT THA WASNT MY FAULT.
YEAH, MAN,
THAT AINT RIGHT.
THOSE ARE THE RULES.
OH, AND THATS
ANOTHER ISSUE.
DID YOU NOTICE THA GOOD-LOOKING YOUNG MAN
RIGHT OVER THERE?
THAT COP ARRESTED ME, GUYS.
WHAT DID HE HEAR,
THAT YOU WERE SERVING
UNDERAGE KIDS LIKE US?
OH, YOURE UNDERAGE?
NO.
DEPENDS ON IF YOURE GOING
TO GIVE US THE BULLSHIT MONEY.
LOOK, WEVE BEEN TRYING
TO RAISE MONEY ALL DAY.
OKAY, WE HAVE TO GET TO
OUR NATIONAL COMPETITION.
WE REALLY NEED THIS.
WELL, I THINK YOU GO BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN THAT,
LITTLE MISS.
I WISH YOU A LO OF LUCK WITH THAT.
OFFICER, THEYRE ALL YOURS.
UM...
OFFICER HURLEY, FLPD.
ID LIKE TO HAVE A WORD
WITH YOU, YOUNG LADY.
OKAY, THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT.
IT WAS TOTALLY AN ACCIDENT.
YOU THINK EXPOSING YOURSELF
IN PUBLIC IS OKAY?
BUT IT WASNT HER FAULT.
DIDNT YOU SEE WHA FUCKING HAPPENED?
ILL BE TAKING STATEMENTS
LATER, THANK YOU.
ITS LIKE, EVEN WHEN
YOU WIN, YOU STILL LOSE.
YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR
INDECENT PUBLIC EXPOSURE.
YOU HAVE THE RIGH TO REMAIN SILENT.
NO, IM NOT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND
WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU
IN A COURT OF LAW.
ZOE, WELL BE
RIGHT BEHIND YOU, OKAY?
COME WITH ME, PLEASE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FUCKING ASSHOLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FUCK YOU.
EVERY YEAR ITS THE SAME THING.
DRINKING, NUDITY, SEX.
OH, I DIDNT HAVE SEX.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
HEY, LOOK WHO
WE FOUND.
WHAT ARE YOU AND
YOU DOING HERE?
SHE SAVED ME.
ITS TRUE.
WERE THEY TAKING YOU TO
THE BIG HOUSE? THE SLAMMER?
15 YEARS TO LIFE.
$50? THATS IT?
DO YOU WANT TO PAY MORE?
OH, NO. IM GOOD.
LISTEN, HAVE A NICE DAY.
IVE GOT MORE
CRIME STOPPING TO DO.
ZOE, ZOE, ZOE.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
WELL, MY SHIRT GO CAUGHT ON THE BULL.
IS THAT WHAT YOU KIDS
ARE CALLING IT NOW?
ITS TRUE. IT WAS PRETTY
FUCKING CRAZY, ACTUALLY.
COACH GILL, DO WE
WIN THE NATIONALS?
WHAT? NO.
NO. SORRY.
WHY DO YOU
LOOK LIKE THAT?
LIKE WHAT?
WERE YOU RAPED?
RAPED?
I KNOW, RIGHT?
ALL DAY WITH THIS SHIT.
YEAH. HEY, LOOK,
HERES WHAT WERE
GOING TO DO.
WERE GOING TO GE OURSELVES A RENTED BUS,
WERE GOING TO
TAKE IT TO FLORIDA.
AND IF WERE LUCKY, WELL
MAKE IT THERE ON TIME.
AND WHAT IF
WERE NOT LUCKY?
YOU SHOULD LEAVE OUR TOWN
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
OH, YOUD LIKE THAT,
WOULDNT YOU, ADOLF?
YES. YES, I WOULD.
EXCEPT IM COMING
WITH YOU.
YAY.
SPRING BREAK IS OVER.
THERES NOTHING LEF FOR ME HERE.
EXCEPT WALMART.
CRAP. ITS OVER, ISNT IT?
I DONT HAVE TO FIGHT I FOR ANOTHER YEAR.
AW, BABY.
EWW.
GROSS.
HERE WE COME, FLORIDA.
ISNT FLORIDA, LIKE,
WAY WORSE THAN HERE?
NOT IF GILLS THERE.
WHY DONT WE FIND OUT?
LETS GO TO FLORIDA.
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.
AH, ACTUALLY,
I DONT HAVE MY WALLET.
IM SORRY, OFFICER.
I RAN OUT...
BEING SORRY DOES NOT GIVE YOU
THE RIGHT TO BREAK THE LAW,
NOW, DOES IT, SON?
NO, NO. ITS JUST THA MY GIRLFRIEND IS...
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE
WITHOUT A LICENSE
IS A SERIOUS CRIME
IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA.
ESPECIALLY WITH
OUT OF STATE PLATES.
YOU GOT ANY
ID ON YOU?
I DONT HAVE MY WALLET,
SO I DONT HAVE ANYTHING.
YOU GOT NOTHING?
MY NAME IS CRAIG WASSERMAN,
AND I LIVE IN...
SON, I REALLY DO NOT CARE
WHAT NAME YOU CLAIM TO HAVE.
OFFICER, THIS IS
AN EMERGENCY.
I GOTTA GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOUR REGISTRATION
EXPIRED YESTERDAY.
I NEED YOU TO GET OU OF THE VEHICLE.
WHAT?
I CANT.
THIS IS NOT A REQUEST.
I DIDNT DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
I NEED YOU TO COME
DOWN TO THE STATION.
LETS GO.
I DONT WANNA GO.
CRAIG!
SNUGGLE BUNNY!
POO BEAR!
WHAT HAPPENED?
I DID NOTHING WRONG.
WHAT, YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
YES.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
SNUGGLE BUNNY,
YOURE FREE TO GO.
BUT I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU
BEHIND ANY WHEEL
UNTIL YOU GET YOUR LICENSE
BACK, YOU GOT THAT?
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE.
OW.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DOWN HERE?
YOU CANT GO TO FLORIDA.
OF COURSE WE CAN.
NO. YOURE NOT GOING
BECAUSE YOU WON REGIONALS.
NO KIDDING.
DO YOU KNOW WHY
YOURE GOING, POO BEAR?
THEY LIKE OUR
PERSONALITIES?
TELL EM, COACH.
YOURE GOING BECAUSE OF
THE VIDEO ON THE JUMBOTRON.
WHAT?
I KNEW IT.
YEAH. HEY, YOURE GOING
AS A HALFTIME JOKE.
THEY WANT YOU TO PLAY
SO THEY CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU.
SORRY.
WHY?
WELL, THE DEAN GO A CALL FROM NATIONAL,
AND, YOU KNOW,
SEEMS LIKE
YOU GUYS SPIKED THE RATINGS,
SO THEY OFFERED HIM
$10,000 IF YOU ATTEND.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?
YOU ARE POPULAR.
WELL, $10,000 IS ENOUGH
TO GET US TO NATIONALS.
FORGET IT, ZOE.
ITS OVER.
WHAT? WHY CANT WE PLAY?
WHY CANT WE PLAY?
ITS WHAT WE LOVE TO DO.
ITS WHAT WE WANT TO DO.
WHO CARES IF WE SUCK?
WHO CARES IF WERE A JOKE?
WHO CARES?
I CARE.
ME, TOO.
NO, NO. YOU GUYS
DONT CARE, OKAY?
OR YOU SHOULDNT CARE.
LOOK, LETS JUST GO AND
GIVE THEM SOME ENTERTAINMENT.
LETS GIVE THEM
SOME FUN.
COACH, WILL YOU STILL
DRIVE US TO MIAMI?
WE SHOULD STILL GO.
ALL RIGHT, EVEN
IF WE SUCK.
EVEN IF WE SUCK.
I KNOW I SUCK.
WE ALL SUCK, OKAY?
COACH?
AH, WE MADE IT THIS FAR.
IM AT THE PAWN SHOP
NOW, YOU IDIOT.
I NEED MY FUCKING MONEY.
YES, ALL OF IT.
THATS NOT ENOUGH.
GET IN.
WERE ALMOST THERE.
WAIT, WHATS THAT SOUND?
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WERE ALL GONNA DIE!
EVERYBODY, SETTLE DOWN.
THATS IT, SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
DOESNT WANT US TO MAKE IT.
I CANT SEE
A FUCKING THING.
I CANT DRIVE IN THIS.
PULL OVER.
WHAT?
PULL OVER.
OH MY GOD.
I BETTER PUT ON
MY JACKET.
WHAT IS THAT, HAIL?
JESUS, TALK ABOU THE TEMPERATURE DROPPING.
CLOSE THE WINDOW!
WE DONT HAVE
INSURANCE FOR THIS.
YES, I LIKE PRESENTS
FOR CHRISTMAS.
WHAT?
SHE SAID SHES
A LESBIAN?
NO, I DIDNT.
WHAT?
YOURE A LIBERTARIAN?
WHAT?
SHE SAID SHES A LESBIAN,
BROWARD COUNTY BEING
NOW CALLED
FOR MANDATORY EVACUATION.
WITH ME NOW IS
A REPRESENTATIVE
FROM SEVERE STORM
FORECAST CENTER.
JOHN, WHAT IS YOUR TAKE
ON THIS FREAK STORM?
THIS APPEARS TO BE
THE LARGEST F6 STORM
IN THE HISTORY...
HOW FAR AWAY ARE WE
FROM THE STADIUM?
WERE ALMOST THERE.
JUST A FEW MILES.
BUT WE HAVE TO
GET THERE!
MAYBE THEYRE GOING TO
POSTPONE THE NATIONALS.
NO, IF WE DONT SHOW UP,
WE FORFEIT.
THATS THE RULES.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME DRIVE, AND WELL
WIN THE NATIONALS.
WERE GOING TO
WIN THE NATIONALS.
YOU GUYS,
WERE GONNA BE OKAY.
GUYS, CALM DOWN.
CALM DOWN.
MOTHERFUCK.
WE MADE IT! SUCK IT,
WORLD, WERE HERE.
EVERYTHING DISAPPEARED.
JESUS.
THIS HAD TO BE A...
A HURRICANE.
CATEGORY FIVE.
TOOK EVERYTHING OUT.
SO WHAT, NO NATIONALS?
NO.
OF COURSE.
NO, WAIT.
WE JUST...
YEAH, WERE FROM
WOODVILLE, MAN.
WE JUST DROVE
A GAZILLION MILES
FOR THIS COMPETITION.
DID YOU NOW JUS SEE THAT MASSIVE STORM?
SO?
SO, THERES...
NOBODY ELSE SHOWED UP.
YOU CANT HAVE A COMPETITION
WITH NOBODY TO COMPETE WITH.
BUT WE CAME ALL THIS WAY.
WAIT, IF THERES
NO COMPETITION,
THAT MEANS WERE THE WINNERS,
BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE SHOWED UP.
WIN WHAT?
LOOK, THERE ARE NO
OTHER BANDS HERE.
YOU THE ONLY ONES CRAZY ENOUGH
TO COME OUT IN THIS MESS.
WELL, TECHNICALLY,
EVERYONE ELSE FORFEITED,
SINCE THEY DIDNT SHOW UP.
THEREFORE, WE WIN.
SHE MIGHT BE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHATEVER.
HERE YOU GO.
BE MY GUEST.
CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
WHAT DO YOU THINK, GIRLS?
YOU GUYS EARNED IT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
CONSTANCE, HUH?
SOME GOOD SHIT THERE, HUH?
OH, WOW.
MAYBE ILL PU A DRINK IN HERE.
YOU KNOW, WE DIDNT EVEN...
I KNOW, BUT APPARENTLY,
THIS VICTORY WAS A BIG ONE.
THE CHAIRMAN CALLED ME
PERSONALLY TO TELL ME
WE HAVE A WHOLE
NEW SUPPORT TEAM.
BOOSTERS, INVESTORS,
YOU NAME IT.
THEY JUST CAME OU OF THE WOODWORK.
YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY ALL
DID A VERY GOOD JOB
FOR OUR SCHOOL.
AND I OWE YOU ONE. REALLY.
SO IF YOU NEED
OR WANT ANYTHING,
SAY THE WORD.
ANYTHING?
MY, OH MY
FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE
WORLDS GOT YOU DOWN
YOU LOST YOUR
LUST FOR LIFE
AND YOUR SOUL, BY NOW
CANT BE FOUND
DONT LET THE STARS
ABOVE DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
WERE BACK.
OH, YEAH.
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
JELLO!
WOO!
LETS GO.
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
DIG OUT YOUR SOUL
TAKE IT SO THE WHOLE
WORLD SEES IT SHINE
SHINE ON LIKE
A DIAMOND, BABY
GIVE THESE LAZY
BONES SOME TIME
DONT LET THE STARS
ABOVE DRAG YOU ALL DOWN
SCRAPE THE SHI RIGHT OFF OF YOUR SHOES
AND SHOW THEM
WHO IS WHO
YOU GOT TO KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON LIVING,
KEEP ON GIVING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON LOVING,
KEEP ON STRUGGLING
THE TIME IS NOW
WEVE GOT DREAMS
THAT SET US FREE
NOW ONE KNOWS, BU YOU GOTTA BELIEVE
IN MY HEART,
IN MY SOUL
ITS ALL ILL EVER KNOW
KEEP ON DREAMING
KEEP ON SCHEMING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON HUSTLING,
KEEP ON BUSTLING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON PUSHING,
KEEP ON PUSHING
DONT LET THE TIMES
GET YOU DOWN
KEEP ON RISING,
KEEP ON CLIMBING
THE TIME IS NOW
KEEP ON,
KEEP ON
KEEP ON, KEEP ON, KEEP ON
KEEP ON,
KEEP ON
KEEP ON, KEEP ON, KEEP ON
YEAH
ALLOW ME TO TAKE MORE
TIME TO APOLOGIZE
IT SEEMS THA LATELY I
FADE AWAY INTO THE NIGH I CANNO PROMISE THAT
THINGS WILL
END UP ALL RIGHT
SO BABY,
BE CAREFUL
PROMISE YOULL
HOLD ON TIGHT
LETS TAKE THIS
TRIP TOGETHER
LETS PRETEND
THAT ITS FOREVER
ITS ALL RIGH TONIGHT
PRAY TO GOD WE
WAKE UP ALIVE