Birthmarked (2018) Movie Script
- Nice titties.
- Knock it off!
Maurice, not now.
- It was a compliment.
- How much longer?
- Soon, sweetie.
- Mom?
- Quiet.
- I just want to ask a question.
Why does Luke have
such nice titties?
- I said knock it off.
(father): Enough.
- Playful teasing
builds character.
Luke needs that.
Anything?!!
(cheerful music)
(narrator): Doctors Ben Morin
and Catherine O'Neal
were on a scientific journey,
which began long before
they were even born.
Ah! (father): Hey! (boys arguing)
(narrator): Catherine O'Neal
was the only child
of two prominent physicists
who died tragically
in a helium explosion
when she was 12 years old.
She was raised
by her aunt Libby,
a prominent psychologist
and... beer aficionado.
- I think we owe them and we owe
ourselves a better country than that.
(narrator): Ben Morin came
from a long line of scientists,
every single one more
successful than the last.
But as a child,
Ben had no affinity
for science.
He spent most
Saturday mornings
playing point guard
with the neighbourhood kids.
You okay, son?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Sport isn't your calling, son.
- But I almost had
the rebound.
- You're a scientist through
and through. It's in your genes.
Now, come on, let's get some ice
on that noggin.
I'm okay to play.
You are better than this.
(narrator): Ben never played
basketball again.
- I'm not gonna tell you twice
now! Come on.
- And took his rightful place
in the family tree.
He focused on his schoolwork
and developed
a sharp scientific mind
and a healthy appetite
for success.
For years, his sex life
consisted of masturbating
to women's equestrian riding
on Sunday afternoons.
(fanfare on TV)
But he finally
found true love
when he met fellow PhD
student Catherine O'Neal.
They devoted their careers to proving
the ultimate power of nurture over nature
to finally answer
the timeless question:
Could we have been anyone
other than who we are?
- Maybe he needs some fluids, I don't know. What do you think?
- Yeah.
They enjoyed the prestige of
being university professors,
but were about to redefine
their measure of success.
(man): For decades,
my foundation has invested
in scientific endeavour
of all kind.
And the one common thread I find
with all scientists
is the fundamental belief
that they can contribute
to the advancement
of humankind.
A noble conviction.
But most of us, myself included,
make very safe choices.
Yet aren't we always inspired
by the rebels?
The ones who lay it all
on the line?
The ones throughout history who dared
to believe that the earth wasn't flat.
The Darwins, the Einsteins
who were considered crazy
we now know
to be visionaries.
These minds only come around
every couple of generations,
so it's important
for all scientists to believe
that they possess the ability
to be one of the greats.
To be one of the rebels.
As scientists, it is your duty to teach
us to see the world a different way,
and to hopefully make our world
a better place.
And so, if you feel that you're
one of those revolutionary minds
that can think outside the box,
I am standing
in front of you today
to ask you to think
outside of that box too.
Thank you.
(narrator):
Randolph P. Gertz III
was the great-grandson
of Archibald Gertz,
who built an empire exporting linen
from Belfast in the 19th century.
Despite a strict Catholic
upbringing by his mother,
Gertz was lured
by the family fortune
and enjoyed
every penny of it.
After his father's death,
Gertz challenged himself
to take charge of his life
and created the Gertz
Foundation for the Sciences.
After years
of... debatable success,
he remained determined
to prove to the world
he wasn't a papa's boy.
Are they here?
(softly): Yes.
- I think we might have
ourselves a winner.
(clock chiming in the distance)
Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having us.
- You've met my personal
assistant, Ms. Phyllis Tridek.
- We did.
- I'll be right back.
- I gotta tell you,
of all the proposals I read,
yours really knocked
my socks off.
(Ben sighing with relief)
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Come. Let's hit the boudoir.
In 1920,
at Johns Hopkins University,
a Professor named John Watson
wanted to prove
that all emotions and behaviours
are learned.
So he had a baby,
known as Little Albert,
play with a white rat,
which the kid loved.
But Watson started
making a loud noise
every time the kid touched
the rat, and, eventually,
the baby became afraid
of the rat,
even when he didn't make
the noise.
- Watson successfully taught
the child to fear rats.
Conditioning 101.
(Gertz): Hmm.
Essentially, uh, well,
Pavlov and the dog.
(Gertz): Hmm.
With your help, we believe
we could actually prove this
on a much larger scale.
And unlike Watson, we'd foster
positive behaviours, not fear.
Our idea is very simple:
We want to raise
our soon-to-be-born child,
and two other kids,
contrarily to their genetics.
- Yeah, so...
so with your support,
we would very much like
to adopt Maya.
She's just been put up
for adoption
and comes from a long line
of dim-witted individuals.
- Hmm.
- Her parents were... simple people.
- Hmm.
- Very simple.
- Idiots?
- Yes. Idiots.
But we would nurture the smartest
little girl you've ever seen.
- Oh, she'll be smart as a whip.
- Ka-tch!
- And obviously, with your
generous support, we would adopt,
uh... Maurice.
Now, his ancestors were, uh...
angry, aggressive...
and in some cases...
Violent.
- Pretty violent, actually.
- Yeah.
- But we would...
we'd raise him to be a pacifist.
- Like Gandhi?
- Yeah, like the Mahatma.
- Hmm.
- And as you can see,
Catherine is very pregnant.
- I should pop any day, really.
- And we would raise our son
to be... an artist.
- So the son of two scientists
is gonna be raised as an artist.
Bingo.
- Thus proving
the power of nurture.
Double bingo.
- And you have no ethical
concerns about this?
No. Why should we?
I mean, it's no different
to most parents who, you know,
encourage their kids to play piano
or be doctors or super athletes.
- Yeah.
- And at the end of the day,
what matters most is how much
you love your kids, right?
And we're gonna give our kids
every ounce of love we got.
- And... and more importantly,
we will prove
that everyone has the potential
to become anything.
- Any... I mean, anything.
- No one... Yeah.
No one is a prisoner of their
genetic heritage. No way.
- And you believe
you can pull this off?
- Indubitably.
- Absolutely.
Well, if that's the case...
...let's start
changing the world.
(Catherine sighing with relief)
- Well, thank you so much.
It's nice to be nice
As my momma once said
(narrator):
In the spring of 1978,
Ben and Catherine
quit the university
and moved to a cottage Ben
inherited from his father, Henry,
who had inherited it
from his father before him.
And Gertz hired them
an assistant.
- Sorry to disturb you,
but I'm done with the reports.
- What about the bassinets?
- The bassinets are clean.
- Okay. Why don't you, uh,
take the evening off, Sammy?
Okay.
Thank you. (narratorKonstantino Samsonov
was an ex-Olympic
shooting medalist
who defected
from the Soviet Union
by hiding in a pastry truck
at the 1976 Montreal games.
(rock music)
(rifle shot in the distance)
Want to go for a ride?
(rifle shot in the distance)
(snorting like a horse)
(whinnying)
(snorting)
Samsonov graduated
with a certificate
in Child Psychology...
(screaming in the distance)
...from the Lake Champlain
evening program,
which qualified him
as natural caregiver
for the children.
(classical music playing) (crying)
- Oh, no, no, no.
- As toddlers, Luke, Maurice and
Maya listened to classical music
to stimulate their neurological
pathways and cerebral juices.
- Dad, why is Luke
such a fart face?
- Hey. Maurice, that's not nice. And for
the last time, put your PJs on, please.
(narrator): Every feeling,
urge and emotion Luke felt
was channelled
into artistic expression.
- You okay?
(tearfully): No!
Do you want to sing about it?
I think you should.
(singing to blues music) You
know I'm the hoochie-coochie man
Everybody knows I'm here
(narrator): Maya's diet...
(Samsonov): Enjoy.
- ...was rich in omega-3s
and iron
to help develop memory
and intelligence.
Her days and nights were filled
with intellectual pursuits.
- Food enters the intestines
and is digested with enzymes...
- And her knowledge was
showcased on a daily basis.
- ...before being absorbed
into the bloodstream.
(imitating rifle shot)
- Hey. Hey, hey.
- Mom!
- Remember
what the Mahatma said:
"An eye for an eye will only
make the whole world blind."
(sighing)
I'm getting Sammy.
(narrator):
Maurice meditated every day
to better himself
and better the world.
You feel calm and safe here.
At peace with yourself.
(man): Two, three times a two
equals a six,
but it is not
at its lowest form if...
(narratorIn addition to the
experiments they underwent every day...
- Fractions can be friends. So
take the top line, two times one...
...they were also
homeschooled
the standard
government curriculum.
Any questions?
Throughout
its 12-year duration,
the children were oblivious
to any scientific experiment.
They lived
with the ups and downs
of any normal,
dysfunctional family.
You know
I'm the hoochie-coochie man
Everybody knows I'm here
They are arriving!
- Hey, don't forget to tell them
you're about to write your first play.
- Yep.
- Yeah.
(Sammy): They are coming!
(soft music)
- How was the trip?
(sighing): Swell.
- Hey, you guys! Give us hugs.
- We missed you!
(chuckling)
- I brought the usual goodies.
- Look at them.
They're all like kudzu.
- What's that?
- Kudzu is a...
it's a Japanese plant.
Grows like crazy.
- And books.
Look what I got for you.
- Do you have
Sports Illustrated?
- The periodical?
- No, the shampoo line.
- Hey, be polite.
(Ms. Tridek):
Who punched you in the nose?
- Come on, let's shake a leg.
(man):
And what is your answer?
- The Anglo-Zanzibar War
of 1895?
Uh... I mean 6.
(woman): Write it down, Maya.
This time,
we'll be conducting a test called the
Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children.
- Is it hard?
- No harder than usual, sweetie.
Just do your best.
Jack has $56 for the market.
By the end of the day,
he has used $19.
What percentage of his money
has he spent?
Three, two, one... Go.
(beep)
(soft music)
A- about a third.
34%.
- You don't need to say it,
sweetie. Just write it down.
Question #7: On a scale of one to 10...
- Get them in here, please.
- One "not angry at all
and 10 being "furious,"
how would you react
if you overheard
your brother or sister
saying bad things about you?
One. Not angry at all.
You wouldn't be mad?
- "Anger always ends in shame."
Ben Franklin said that.
- Do you agree
with Mr. Franklin?
- Of course. Maya would never
say anything bad about me, anyway.
And my brother's a fag,
so, yeah... definitely one.
(manOkay, one last series.
Um...
summer.
- Uh, winter.
- Think as creatively
as you can.
Dog.
Cat?
- Clown. -
Listen. - Party.
- Vagina.
- Penis.
- Relationship.
- Uh... breakup.
- Breathe.
- Suck.
Excrement.
- Shit.
- Slow.
Stupid.
- Play.
- Theatre?
- Dragon.
- Animal. (sighing)
- Water.
- So...
what is going on here?
- What do you mean?
- I'm not seeing superstars.
They're hesitant,
they're docile,
they're... average.
- Average?!
- It means the opposite
of superstar.
- With all due respect, things
are looking pretty positive.
- We're not looking for
"pretty positive," Catherine.
I tell you all the time,
so I'll tell you again:
Now, these results
need to be rock-hard solid.
The study needs to be
like a slap in the face.
- Our results
are rock-hard solid.
We're gonna be, uh,
slapping a lot of faces.
- We're deep
into the last year here, people.
There's no room for complacency.
Capisce?
We capisce.
Totally capisce.
- And may I remind you
that our deal clearly states
that if this fails or blows up in
your face, you pay me back every penny.
Well, we're not failing.
Well, I'm no Randy Warhol,
but answering "cat"
when the question is "dog"
is not a sign
of artistic genius.
He was being ironic.
Oh.
Did he learn that
from his mother, do you think?
I don't doubt it.
Hmm.
Neither do I.
(soft music)
Cut the Little House on the Prairie
routine and get your shit together.
Okay. Drive safe.
- Who wants a warm bowl
of bisque?
That sounds lovely.
You guys go ahead.
(beep)
(line ringing)
- Just saw Tweedledum
and Tweedledee.
We need a powwow ASAP.
Everything okay?
- Call Kukiku.
I need a goddamn rub.
(neck cracking)
Yeah, it's me. He needs a rub.
(soft music)
(panting)
(narrator): Gertz came to visit
twice a year, like clockwork.
It was usually
a cheerful formality
that ended
with too many vodka martinis.
But today, Ben and Catherine
felt no cheer.
No cheer at all.
(loud thump)
(Maya): Ow! Ow! That hurts!
(Maurice): Oh, it hurts?
Ah!
(Luke): Swing it harder!
Put your whole weight behind it.
- Oh!
(laughter)
(Maya): Bend over, bend over!
(Maurice): Three and a-two,
and a-one and a...
- Ow!
(laughter)
(Maya): I want to go again!
I want to go again!
(Luke): Ow. Good one. - Turn
around, turn... - Alright, fine.
(groaning)
(laughter)
- Hey! You stop that!
What are you doing?!
- Nothing.
- It's just a game.
- You're hurting yourselves!
- That's the point.
Oh, to hurt yourselves?
Sammy, just give it a minute,
please.
- Mom, it's just a game. Relax.
- It's totally cool.
No, not cool! Now...
go to your rooms.
This is bullshit!
Rooms! Now!
Not you.
Sammy.
Yes.
- I need some anger-discharge
training here, please.
Right away. (sighing) Oh, yes.
I know what to do.
Here we go again,
little pitbull.
Time to fix you. Come.
This is your lucky day.
Do you feel the serotonin
flowing through your veins?
- Not really.
- You will, you will.
Okay. Very nice.
Two more minutes.
(footsteps approaching)
Kids are asleep.
(brushing teeth): What do we do?
- What?
What do we do?
- About Gertz?
- Yeah, Gertz.
- What can we do?
- Well...
we have to do something.
- Well, I'm more concerned
about the slapping.
- The... the paddle thing?
- Yeah. It was weird.
- Meh... kids. That's what
kids do. They horse around.
Still, it's... it's weird.
Well, Gertz is weirder.
But he's right, you know. We
can't afford to be complacent.
Ugh, God, I really need
to integrate flossing
more regularly
in my daily routine.
Can you remind me, Cath?
(slurping)
(military drumming)
Theatre... is an act of war.
(military drumming)
Let the play speak for itself.
(military drumming)
- The children slapping
their butts with the paddles
was a curious event,
to say the least. Very curious.
But I...
(glass breaking)
Oof.
Uh...
Come on.
Show's about to start.
- I am finishing up
the monthly report.
I will be there in two minutes.
I must get laid very soon.
Yes.
(cassette rewinding)
I must get laid very soon.
- Hello, and welcome
to the premiere of Kitty Kat.
A Q&A will follow.
Enjoy the show.
(cheering)
- Looks like you with a
beard. - Really? - Yeah.
- I think he's playing Lincoln.
- The following story may sound unbelievable,
but I assure you
that every word of it is true.
My name is Bobby and I've
lived on a farm my whole life.
(chuckling)
I inherited the farm
from my daddy,
who inherited it
from his daddy before him.
I'm what Cal Smith would call
a real country bumpkin.
(Country Bumpkin playing)
(whispering): Country bumpkin?
- Living on a farm is hard work
and I love every minute of it.
But it can be lonely.
Really lonely.
I'm so lonely.
- The long days make it
practically impossible
for a guy like me
to meet any women.
But all that changed last week when I
noticed a car just farther up the road.
The hood was popped open and the
sweetest little ass I have ever seen
was bent over
checking out the engine.
Her name was Kitty Kat.
- I'm Kitty,
but you can call me Kitty Kat.
(Ben): Hmm.
- I stared at her long and hard.
Flowing blond hair
and her hard breasts
bursting out
of her snug white T.
- Excuse me?
- Shhh.
- The moment was electric.
We barely spoke,
and before I knew it, I was
rubbing up against her backside.
Okay, okay, show's over.
- My johnson was purring
like a V8.
Within minutes
I was balls-deep inside her.
- Okay, yeah...
- I said enough. What is this?
Who wrote this?
Where'd you get it?
- Uh, from the book.
Uh, Penthouse Magazine.
- I need some air.
- It's not...
Luke,
I'm-I'm disappointed in you.
I mean, you should really, really let
your characters speak for themselves.
The use of a narrator,
it's weak dramaturgy.
It really is. Okay.
Lock it up.
Catherine? Sweetie?
Confirm your status,
or I'll be forced
to break down this door.
- Leave me alone.
- Oh, come on, let me in, please. Cath.
(Catherine sighing)
You okay?
- Our kids just put on a play
based on pornographic material.
I'm as far from okay as one can
be and I have a fucking migraine.
- I just asked Samsonov
to lock up his skin mags, so...
- Good work, Columbo.
Problem solved.
- Catherine, you're gonna start
driving yourself crazy with this.
You're just having
a mild panic attack.
Okay? Go for a run.
Do something.
(scoffing)
- You just don't get it, do you?
- I know you're upset.
- You're damn right I'm upset.
- I'm sorry.
I will lock everything up.
My private collection
will soon be like Fort Knox.
- That's great.
How do you want to handle this?
What you want me to do?
- I want you to care that Maurice wants to be "ball
- deep" into Maya!
- Oh, come on, it's a play.
Fictional characters.
They probably don't even know
what "ball-deep" means.
(laughing): Oh, yes, they do!
- Big deal.
Our son just directed
his first play.
These...
are rock-hard-solid results.
- I don't care about...!
Fuck Gertz!
I want to get
an outside opinion.
- About what?
- Well, I want to know if...
fake-humping your sister onstage
in front of your parents
is part of the normal sexual
development of a child.
(chuckling)
- Of course it is.
- You think this is funny?
- No?
- What if it's deviant
sexual development?
And what about the whole canoe
ass-slapping incident?
What if it all adds up to, uh...
dissociative behaviour?
- Deviant sexual development?
(indistinct conversation)
(whispering): We need to focus
on what's important here.
Gertz is right.
We need results.
Oh, honey pie,
we're so close.
No... What are you doing?
- I am reassuring you.
- Mom?
Maurice put this on my bed.
- Oh my G... Just get rid of it.
- Can I put it on his bed?
- No! Just get rid of it!
And put on some decent clothing
while you're at it!
- Mom's right. Just get rid of it, honey.
- God!
- Catherine, Catherine, Catherine,
Catherine, just let it all go.
- Don't say my name repeatedly.
It's condescending.
Okay.
- I just want someone who
can tell me my kids are okay.
(Maya): Mom? Dad?
(gurgling)
- You tried to flush it?
- Why not?
- Oh, come on,
you're smarter than that.
Clearly not.
(Catherine sighing)
We need help.
Okay, I want Julie.
Never.
Why not?
Ne-ver.
(Iron Maiden's The Number
of the Beast blasting)
(relieved groaning)
(cracking)
(narrator): Dr. Julie Bouchard
was a child psychiatrist
and an old friend
of Catherine's
whom she had not seen
in over a decade.
- Hey!
(screaming laughter)
Ben despised Julie.
(excited chatter)
- I'm so happy to see you!
He considered her
a mediocre scientist at best,
and attributed
her academic success
to her sculpted cheekbones.
- Hi, Ben.
- Hey, Julie.
Looking good.
- Yeah.
(laughter)
- How's the, uh...
how's the old campus?
- I'm running three labs now.
- Wow!
- Published four times
last year.
Yeah, life's good, life's good.
- My God! That's amazing! Congratulations!
- How about you guys?
How's country living?
- Yeah. Life is... it's, uh...
it's very good.
It's pretty sweet.
- Great.
Great.
Julie, thank you so much for, you
know, coming all this way. Long trip.
Uh... but, uh, to be honest,
I think that my wife -
my lovely wife -
may have overreacted.
A little bit. A smidge.
And the kids are fine,
they're really fine,
really great.
They're fucking awesome.
- Ben, please.
- We cool here?
- We cool.
Cool.
- I... Okay, so I thought
I'd take them out,
see how they operate
on their own.
- Sounds good to me.
- We should stick around here. We usually take them out.
- Don't worry, Ben. We'll be back
by suppertime. Where are the kids?!
Yeah.
- Hi!
- Hi.
Sammy.
(Catherine): Luke! Guys?!
"Luke! Guys!"
- It's always Luke and the two others.
- Oh, shut up.
I got a surprise! Come on!
- Coming!
What the hell is wrong with her?
- Come on, Luke, run like
a good little dog to Mommy.
Asshole. That is what you are.
(Maya giggling)
You are the biggest asshole
I have ever set eyes upon.
(soft music)
And you claim
you got something going
Something you call unique
But I seen
your self-pity showing
As the tears
roll down your cheeks
Soon you know I'll leave you
And I'll never look behind
'Cause I was born
for the purpose
That crucifies your mind
So con-convince your mirror
As you've always done before
Giving substance to shadows
Giving substance evermore
And you assume
you've got something to offer
Secrets shiny and new
But how much of you
is repetition
That you didn't whisper
to him too
- What can I say? You got yourselves some kick
- ass kids.
They're... they're awesome.
- Ha! What'd I tell you?
Thank you, Julie. Thank you.
- Awesome how?
- Well...
even after 12 years
of homeschooling,
they were perfectly at ease
in this social environment.
They weren't intimidated.
They socialized.
- So now dissociative behaviour
symptoms?
Catherine, listen,
I've worked with hundreds,
if not thousands, of teenagers,
I've seen them steal, drink,
lie, beat up their parents,
beat up each other,
beat themselves up,
touching themselves...
touching each other,
touching their pets.
To varying degrees,
it's all somewhat normal.
So I know my analysis
is extremely superficial,
but trust me,
your kids are fine.
- No, Julie...
my kids are not fine.
(loud music and thudding
upstairs)
What am I missing here?
(loud thudding and music)
- Excuse me.
- It's a very interesting
analysis you made.
- Thank you.
(heavy metal blaring)
- You like lamb?
- Lamb? Yeah.
Then stay for dinner.
I made kebabs,
and a light garden salad.
(heavy metal blaring)
(kids screaming)
(kids panting)
- Where did you get this?
Hmm? Where did you get this?!
- Julie gave it to us.
(panting)
What's wrong?
(soft music playing)
- Maurice,
do your breathing exercises.
But...
I knew it. I fucking knew it.
(Maurice): Asshole.
- Maybe throw in
some horseradish.
- Horseradish. -
Mm-hmm. (Julie chuckling)
You gave this to our kids?
- They liked it in the car, so I
gave it to them. Is it a problem?
Calm down, Ben.
It's just music.
You should leave.
- What is wrong with you?
- Please go.
(softly): You are such a freak.
Always have been.
Pack up your shit...
and go!!
Oh you make me strong
- Come back. Come on.
- No.
You two... you two are a mess.
If anyone needs help here,
it's you. It's not your kids.
Sorry.
- Bye, Julie.
I'll be in the shower.
(Roger Whittaker's
You Are My Miracle playing)
To feel the joy and pain
as I do
You are my nights
You are my days
(song fading)
(Catherine): 300 miles per hour.
(Maya): That's impossible.
You can't even drive
the lawnmower.
(Maurice): I can totally drive.
Want to bet?
It's really not that hard.
Sammy showed me.
(soft music)
Well, I could do it.
- Maurice, come on,
everyone already knows I'm a way
better driver than you anyway.
- I... don't think
this is a good idea anymore.
- What are you talking about?
Of course it is!
(narrator): For Luke,
Maurice and Maya,
the afternoon spent
frolicking in the pool,
away from their parents,
triggered an awakening.
Meanwhile, Ben and Catherine
were finding it
increasingly difficult
to agree on the right course
of action.
And had not gone
for a horsey ride in weeks.
(sniffling)
(sighing)
(whirring)
(helicopter approaching)
- What the hell
are they doing here?
- Hi!
- Hi! What a surprise! (Maurice): This is so cool!
(laughing)
- I got goodies!
(kids laughing and chattering)
- Have you heard
of Alfred Russel Wallace?
- Uh... reggae guy?
- No.
19th-century biologist.
- Potentially the greatest
field biologist of his time.
Like Darwin, he proposed
a theory of evolution.
Yet nobody's ever heard of him.
A man completely forgotten
by history.
Why do you think that is?
Because Darwin published first.
He simply wanted it more.
He was more determined.
What is this?
- Two Portuguese scientists are
conducting the same experiment as you guys.
They've got two pair of twins,
and they're nurturing them
on intelligence, creativity,
aggression,
and sexual orientation.
So you see, there's no point
in being Alfred fucking Wallace.
Just watch.
(indistinct chatter)
Aggression.
(both grunting)
Sexual orientation.
- Damn those Portuguese.
Every time.
But... this is medieval.
It has nothing to do
with what we're doing here.
- You're missing the point.
- Well, you may like
these short-term results
of these Portuguese guys,
but that's exactly
what they are: short-term.
In 10 years' time, these kids
are gonna be whacked.
- Whacked?
- Yeah! You can't raise kids like caged animals.
We have brought up our kids as normally
as possible given the circumstances,
and I'm only hoping now
that they'll be okay.
- Catherine,
you're not listening to me.
We are way past the point
of discussion here.
Now, what I want from you is
to act on what I'm telling you!
- Oh, oh, oh! So you want us to go medieval
on our kids? Have you lost your fucking mind?
- Can you calm her down? Is there a switch?
- No.
- Oh, my God.
- Anything wrong here?
- Nobody cares about the second
man on the moon, Catherine!
We need to be the first.
- Well, not like this.
- If that's your attitude,
maybe you're not ready
to finish this job.
(scoffing)
I want the kids.
- What do you mean,
you want the kids?
- If you don't have the humility to
learn from your Portuguese counterparts,
I'm gonna ask Phyllis here to take
care of them for the final sprint.
- What?
- Your maid?
- Personal assistant.
And they love her.
- You need to get the fuck out of here!
- Excuse me?
- Oh, you heard me! Back on
your horse, Billy fucking Bronco!
(door slamming)
Turn that off!
Mom! Dig deep!
Find that serenity!
Dig deep!
- Yeah, she's been really
strung out, but don't worry,
we're gonna do
what we have to do.
- For sure, that's all I
want to hear. Here. Take this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who the hell's Bronco Billy?
(roaring)
(Maurice): Mom! Dig deep!
- Phyllis can be very maternal!
Could be good for everyone!
It's a win-win!
Think about it!
- That's it.
(under her breath): Shit!
- Let it all out!
Like the rivers of Babylon!
Take off! Take off! Quick!
- What are you doing?!
- Oh, my God!
That goddamn cavewoman...
just stuck an axe in my chopper!
(Maya gasping)
- Okay.
- What was that?! You need to calm down.
- Don't even.
- What was to be gained by threatening
to take away their children?!
Oh, put a sock in it, Phyllis!
Sweetie... honey...
- Your behaviour
was only disgraceful!
- You're a personal assistant! This is
above your pay scale, don't you think?
Calm down.
I love you guys.
Catherine?
Okay...
(soft music)
Hey there.
Nuts?
Tough day, huh?
(scoffing)
Do you want me to leave?
Mm. No, stay.
Want to talk about Gertz?
Want to talk about the kids?
Want to talk about my...
stunning Olympic career?
(chuckling)
You know, it was my great-grandfather
who taught me how to... shoot.
- Oh.
- I didn't tell you, eh?
Yes, he was born in Greece
and he moved to Estonia,
and he had a farm
and I shot all sorts of things:
rocks or, you know, wood.
Not animals, you know,
unless we were going
to eat them. But...
Let's just, uh...
What?
Let's just not talk.
Is that okay?
- Okay.
(chatter on TV)
(snoring)
Ahem.
(whispering): Good night, Mom.
(snoring)
(beeping)
Okay, ready?
- Yeah,
I just have one question.
Sure.
- Um. Do you think I'm more
like you or like Mom?
That's a big question.
That's a good question.
Uh... I mean...
Hang on. (beep) Okay.
Here's the thing, Luke.
Um...
Your play, Kitty Kat.
Borderline inappropriate,
but you're an artist, Luke,
and what I got from it
was you are at an age
where there's - pfft -
a lot of stuff
stirring up inside you,
a lot of energy,
a lot of sexual energy,
and, boy...
(whistling)
...that's a powerful force.
A force...
...that you can learn to use
to your own advantage.
Pay attention, son.
Uh, yeah, uh...
this is...
was known, often, uh...
often called...
erotic art.
Ready? Ahem.
- Yeah, uh, I, um,
I really don't want to do this.
- I know, I know,
but I want you to do is,
I want you to summon up
that energy.
I want you to harness
that energy,
I want you
to channel that force,
that sexual force inside you.
And I want you to just,
you know, release it into dance.
- Y-you want me to dance
my sexual emotion?
- Exactly. I want you to just, you
know, dance your sexual emotions.
Ahem. With you?
No... I mean... No, no. No.
But I've seen you dance... man.
Give it a try.
Who knows what's gonna happen.
To show the world what a woman
could be That's it, up you get.
Just really commit.
Commit to this.
I know it's a bit embarrassing,
but just really, come on!
Give it your all.
Not bad.
Think about these ladies.
This is good stuff.
Look at them.
Whoop. Hello.
Let it go!
Stop thinking about it. Just...
Music.
Lady.
Movement.
...people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
Well, actually, I'm sorry, no.
Let's try it again, though. Come
on, come on. Come on, it's just me.
What? Luke? Luke? You're gonna do
this, son, one way or another. Come on.
This is science.
No one messes with science.
...they're talking about who's walking
about with an angel at his side...
You're probably
more like your mother.
Kids, could you stop that?
Your mother's sleeping!
Hey, you're up.
You feeling better?
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Yeah, well, you know,
you were riding the booze train
pretty hard last night, so...
Yeah, well...
- Yeah, well... what?
Hmm?
I mean, you attack our financier and
then you drink yourself half to death
and sleep in until - whoa! - three
in the fucking afternoon. Wow!
We got a job to do here. Get your
shit together, Catherine, or...
(inhaling deeply)
Or what?
(soft music)
(creaking)
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck! Fuck!
(kids laughing and chattering
in the distance)
Tsk.
(Catherine): Thanks, Sammy. I'll
let you know when we're ready.
Hey.
- Sammy's driving me to the
doctor. I'm taking the kids with me.
- What's wrong?
- I've got chest pains. I can't breathe.
And this migraine's
not going away. Ahem.
- Just... sleep it off.
You'll feel better tomorrow.
- I'm going to the doctor.
End of story.
- Well,
I'll look after the kids...
if you want.
I don't trust you.
You fucking the Ruskie?
(scoffing)
- Excuse me?
- Are... you...
fucking the Ruskie?
That. Has. Got. To. Stop!
Catherine.
(kids bickering)
I just had to say...
a lot of these ex-athletes,
acute cases of gonorrhoea,
you know. Yep.
(Sammy): Ciao, ciao!
Ciao, ciao. Dick.
(soft, quirky music)
- And how long
has this been going on?
A couple weeks.
- Has this happened before?
- No. Well...
Yeah, but... I mean, not really.
Uh...
When I was 18 years old,
I wvery sexually active.
Like... a voracious falcon.
It was such a great release
for me.
I was just living it up.
I mean, God!
Oh, what a crazy time.
And now, it's...
Well, it's different.
I'm-I'm immersed in my work.
Day in, day out, it's, like,
kids, work, kids, work.
I mean, I can't even really...
remember the last time
I had any fun.
I mean... real... fun.
(despairing chuckle)
Sorry.
I guess what I'm getting at is,
uh...
(whispering):...my husband is driving
me absolutely bonkers right now.
I mean, he would hate it if I told
you this, he would kill me, but, uh...
...he likes me to dress up
as a thoroughbred.
I put on this little tail
and it's really...
it's very silly,
and I just want to be 18 again.
(sobbing): I want to be free
like that falcon.
Am I making any sense?
- Can you take
some time off work?
Uh, maybe.
- A woman in your state
shouldn't be working.
You need to disconnect.
If I had a tranquilizer gun,
I'd shoot you with it right now,
and you'd thank me for it,
but I don't, so...
I'm gonna prescribe these...
You can up the dosage
as you see fit.
Okay. Thank you.
(Dorothy Scott's
Ride These Waves playing)
Sail me
Over
Your blue sea
Now anchor me away
Cast your
Spell of...
(sighing)
Cast it like a rock
Down in the sea
Ah, Balzac.
Cause you have landed
in the deeps
The deeps
(Maya): The TV was stolen!
- How's your mother?
(Luke): The diagnosis is vague.
(Maurice): Dad,
where is all the food?
(Maya): Where's the TV?
- It's gone!
(Maya): Gone where?!
Where's my wife?
She went to bed.
She needs her rest.
(under his breath):
Commie sonofabitch.
(Maya): Dad, seriously,
where's the TV?
- What happened? Hmm?
What did the doctor say?
(softly): He said I needed
to take a break.
Okay, well, um... uh...
- Actually, I think
we could all use a break.
- Hmm?
- A real break,
like... like a trip.
You know? We could...
pack up the car
and go somewhere.
It's just not the right time.
- It's the perfect time.
Think about it.
We... could drive
down the coast.
Take the kids out of the lab.
Go into the real world.
Oh, God...
Oh, it could be so great.
Honey?
What the hell are these?
They're very, very strong...
...happy pills.
Get some rest, okay?
Oh, hey,
and I want to stop the experiments
until I'm feeling better.
I can't do that.
(chuckling)
Honey...
Oh, God... stop.
Ginger up...
Oh... don't bullshit me, Ben!
All I'm asking for
is a couple of days.
Fine.
Promise?
I promise.
Thank you.
(sighing)
Okay.
(narrator):
At that exact moment,
Ben felt he had lost.
But failure was
not an option.
This is good. Thank you.
Under no circumstances
would he yield
to the Portuguese.
Guys. Please. Eat up.
Is there anything else?
- Legumes offer
unparalleled nutrition.
That's something
we could all use right now.
Yes, your father's right.
All these beans make you strong.
Many different kinds.
Oh, just eat half. Whatever.
- Are there any new protocols
I should be briefed about?
No.
- You threw out the television
and burned many books.
I feel there has been
a change of plan.
There is. Or there was.
But, uh, Catherine has asked me
to put everything on hold.
Ah.
So what should I write
in the weekly report?
What do you mean?
- Well, won't it look strange to
have a pause at such a crucial time?
Scientifically speaking?
If I may,
I really don't think
this is the time
to be taking a pause.
- Catherine's not really in the
mood for negotiating right now.
Uh, you know,
she's pretty out of it.
- You're right. She will
be out of it for a few days.
Yeah.
Yes.
I will start on dishes.
Whatever.
(kids chattering)
Yeah...
This is a big day for you.
Sweetie, I'm sorry to say, you're
just not Daddy's little girl anymore.
You'll always be Daddy's
little little girl, pumpkin,
but you're getting to an age
when you're gonna have to start
making a lot of decisions
for yourself. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
A lot of judgment calls.
But this, this game,
whoa, it's gonna help.
- Can I take it?
- Sure.
Careful.
- It's so cute!
- You know, millions of mice
like this one,
every day sacrifice
for the progress of mankind.
- What are we going to do?
- Good question. Okay.
The mouse enters here
and you have to help him
find his way out by opening
or closing these doors.
But if you make a mistake,
there are consequences.
- What?
- Know that there are consequences
to bad decisions, just like life.
Okay.
Ready?
Let's play mouse-tricity.
(squeaking)
Good girl. That's it.
You're doing really well,
Maymay.
Oh, he's at an impasse.
Mm-hmm.
Come on, come on, come on.
Okay, okay. Oh, oh, oh...
wrong door.
Oh. Oh.
Oh!
(Maya gasping)
(screaming)
Dad!
Stop! What are you doing?!
You killed it!
- You took all the decisions,
you gotta take responsibility.
- You killed it, Dad!
You're so mean! I hate you!
- Maya...
don't be upset.
It's just... a mouse.
Why would you do this?!
- What the hell
is going on here?
- Whoa, hon, you shouldn't be
walking around.
You should go back to bed.
- You promised...
you promised me a hiatus.
- Well, a lot of promises were made,
Catherine. A lot of promises were made.
Well, so, what are you doing?
- I knew you'd react like this,
so I had to push on.
I couldn't tell you.
- Well...
I'm done.
I'm, uh...
Yeah, I'm-I'm telling the kids.
- About what?
- Everything.
I'm just...
I'm gonna tell them everything.
- Ca-Catherine, this is no time
to act crazy. Just listen to me.
No! You listen to me.
You are the crazy one, okay?!
I mean, look at yourself,
for chrissakes!
You look like
a goddamn mental patient!
- I look like a mental patient?! Take
a damn look in the mirror, sweetheart!
(muffled argument)
(camera whirring)
(argument continues)
- United, we stand.
- Divided, we fall.
(screaming in distance)
- Uh, good,
but just try it again.
(argument continues)
Action!
United, we stand!
Divided, we fall.
- I can't.
I'm just so sick of it.
It's...
(chuckling)
I'm sick of it.
Catherine... Ca-Catherine!
(rapping)
Come on. Catherine!
(rattling doorknob)
Catherine? Oh... Catherine!
- Luke? - Open
the door! - Guys!
- Stop, Catherine! - Where
are you?! - You can't do that!
- Shit.
- Catherine!
Catherine!
Don't do it!
- They're not even here.
(engine roaring)
(tires squealing)
Oh, jeez!
- What are you doing?! Stop, stop!
- Stop!
Luke, open the door.
This is dangerous.
- No!
(music blaring)
- What is she saying?
- She's drunk.
- She loves the Dutch?
- I'm so sorry!
- She's horny
and wants some brew?
(Ben):
Cut this engine right now!
You're in a lot of trouble,
young man!
- Open up.
- Stop! Put down the window!
- Listen, we lied to you.
- Here we go!
- Oh!
(music blaring)
(shrieking)
We're the kids in America
Whoa-oh
We're the kids in America
Whoa-oh
Everybody live
for the music-go-round
La-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la
Sing
So what the bejesus happened?
- They, uh, they caused a 19
- car pileup on the 141.
- Hmm. - Wow. - Not
a scratch on them,
but Social Services
got a court order, so...
- So...
now we can't see the kids.
Bloody fascists.
Now, I believe this incident
falls under the...
blowing-up-in-your-face clause.
Which is...
paragraph 36-B.
Since there's been a breach
in the contract,
that means that you're obligated
to refund -
according
to my astute accountants -
a little over $1.4 million.
- Hold on here.
W- we had our knees cut
as we were crossing
the finish line.
We had... this.
We had this in the bag.
- Well, now you're holding
an empty bag.
And I won't lie to you.
The timing of this incident
could not be better.
- We lost our kids. You get that,
right? Does he...? He gets that, right?
- Oh, I do. That's why
I'm willing to deal here.
To be frank, I haven't been...
perfectly forthcoming with you.
What do you mean?
- I'm so sorry.
- Zip it, Phyllis.
- No, what?
- I swear,
I had no idea of the extent
of the deception until recently.
I said zip it, Phyllis.
- What deception?
- You see, throughout history,
scientists have used humans
and animals as guinea pigs.
So where do you draw the line between
protecting dignity and promoting progress?
I don't understand, I...
- Well, in this case,
science is a guinea pig.
You're the guinea pigs.
My guinea pigs.
- What do you mean?
- Yeah.
- Well... while you were experimenting
on your kids, I was experimenting on you.
How?!
- Well, the working title for
my book is: The Rationalizing
of Unethical Behaviour
for the So-Called Greater Good.
My... my editor wants something
with a bit more pizzazz.
- So, uh...
(chuckling wryly)
What are you gonna write?
- Well, basically,
that you've been using your kids
as lab rats.
That's the basic premise.
- How dare you?
- The hell do you... know?
What the hell can you, uh,
even write about?
I- I... You know, I'm...
- Well...
Samsonov kept a tight log...
...of every minute detail.
(Catherine exclaiming)
- And you!
(sobbing): Our kids loved you.
What about the, uh...
the, uh... Portuguese?
(laughing)
- I made that up.
There were no Portuguese, Ben.
I just did it to see
how far you were willing to go.
(silent chuckle)
You... you cuntbag.
Don't you see
how fucking unethical this is?
I mean,
do you see the irony here?
- Can we remain professional
here?
Now, I am willing
to rip up your contract
and forget
about the $1.4 million
if you sign this short
but effective release form.
It's pretty straightforward. It basically
says that I forget about your debt,
and in return, you have no say
over what I publish.
You've ruined everything!
- Come on. See it
as turning over a new leaf.
It's a new day.
Tabula rasa.
Hmm.
(door opening)
Hello. Hello, Ben.
Hello, Catherine.
How are you?
How are... the children?
(cracking)
Ah! Ah!!!
Why?
(high-pitched screaming)
Commie sonofabitch.
(crying): Why you do that...
to me?
Why? Why the balls?
(narrator): Ben and Catherine
exhausted every possible option,
both legal and illegal,
to retrieve their children,
but failed
time and time again.
- I see you're taking
the, uh, canoe paddle.
Hmm. Which is mine.
- Yeah, but you're living
in the city now, so...
I left you the spare.
And after 13 years
of marriage,
they parted ways.
Drive safe.
- Social Services helped
place the children
at the Saint-Patrick Academy,
a therapeutic boarding school
for kids coming
from difficult circumstances.
Sequestered from
their parents,
their integration
was immediate and seamless.
Maya was
a top-notch student...
- Push down. It melts the snow and reduces friction.
- What?
- ...excelling
in several disciplines.
Just go.
(shrieking)
- But had little interest
in her studies.
Maurice developed a keen
interest in Asian philosophies
and volunteered his time
as a referee
with the Saint-Patrick
Boxing Bandits.
- Anger is poison.
Always respect your opponent.
Fight fair. Carry on, boys.
- Luke joined
a group of artists
known
as The Saint-Patrick Four,
now rebranded
the Saint-Patrick Five,
who were committed to publicly
expressing their every instinct.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
I now present to you:
The Uniboob.
- Luke felt The Uniboob
was misunderstood
and channelled his energy
into a passion project.
Like the fool I am
and I'll always be
I've got a dream
I've got
a dream
Both parents
felt overwhelming agony
about being cut
from their children.
Catherine found solace
on the treadmill,
but her greatest
fear realized
moments before
the commercial break.
I know I could share it
if you want me to
If you're going my way
Gertz's publication
was ranked 17th
on the National
Bestseller list.
- "The doctors used their kids
like a chef uses an egg,
as an ingredient
for something greater.
The eggs were whipped and
beaten for 12 excruciating years
in an attempt to make
the ultimate omelet."
- They're dead to me.
- I never want to see them again.
I think I'm having a seizure.
(soft music)
(car approaching)
(engine stopping)
(car door opening and closing)
Hey.
You, uh... you've come back
for the paddle?
I thought you should see this.
I don't get it.
- Well, those are our kids.
They're the guinea pigs.
What guinea pigs?
- When is the last time
you left the house?
- I don't know. Last, uh...
Wednesday maybe.
Gertz published.
The whole school knows
who they are.
They're gonna be humiliated
and bullied or...
who knows what else.
I really screwed up, didn't I?
- Clean yourself up
and come with me, okay?
I'll... explain everything
in the car.
I'll wait outside.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
(indistinct conversation)
- May I help you?
- Hi, I'm Linda McCoy. I'm just here to see my kids.
- Who?
- Yeah, yeah, just some family business.
I'll be back in a jiff.
- Excuse me!
(sighing)
- Oh, my God.
Anything?
(squeaking)
(man): Bend that front knee,
Jarred.
There you go.
Very good.
Lead with the arm, Brittany.
There you go! Excellent.
You guys see that?
That's great form.
In with the arm, Brit...
Uh... excuse me?
- Yeah.
- Can I help you?
- Uh...
We're just, we're just, uh...
we're looking for, uh...
we're looking for our kids.
- Oh!
- Do you have a permission slip?
- There's been a bereavement. Their
grandmother. Horrible accident.
- Okay, well, I can't really
release the kids without...
- We spoke to, uh... Phyllis.
- Guys, uh, just... stay here...
You're hurting my arm!
- Stop whining, son,
and pick up the pace.
(teacher): Stop!
You need permission!
(quietly): Go, go, go, go, go!
- Is there a key for this? -
I'll get the keys. - Alright.
Hi!
Honey. Okay, look, the, uh...
that book
is a gross exaggeration.
- It's a pack of lies.
- Yep.
- Not all of it.
- When did you plan on telling us the truth?
I tried to.
- When?
- The day you left.
- You said you were horny and needed some brew.
- Something about the Dutch.
- What? No. I said this is all a
mistake; I love you with all my heart.
- That's not what you said.
- I remember exactly what your mother said.
She said,
"We... we lied to you.
I'm sorry
and I love you very much."
- Who cares, okay? You lied
to us and used us for 13 years.
- It wasn't a lie. It didn't
feel like a lie, did it?
- It does now.
- Okay, look, look.
Yes, we...
...we made a mistake, okay?
But we did it with love.
I mean, we-we-we always wanted
the best for you. Always.
- Yes.
- Everything was for you.
- No, it wasn't, okay?
You're not us.
You don't know what it's like for us to
have parents like you, okay? You don't.
(knocking)
(man): Mr. and Mrs. Morin?
I'm sorry, but we're gonna
have to open the door.
- Oh, God, could you just please
stop it with the Gestapo bullshit?!
Okay, please come out.
- Okay, that's...
- Okay. You let go.
- Okay, okay.
- Alright.
Guys?
(babel)
Guys? Okay,
you're gonna come with me.
- No, no,
don't pull her like that!
- Alright, alright, alright.
- Please come on.
- Hey, don't you touch me!
- Ma'am, you have to leave.
You have to leave.
- What is this, a...
- Ma'am.
- Don't... touch me!
Please, can you leave?
(soft music)
- Ma'am.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, guys, get back.
- I can walk, okay?
I know how to walk. Is this
a fucking school or a jail?
What did I say? Come on!
(sighing)
Follow me.
(whistling)
(Spanish exclamation)
(singing)
(cheering and applause)
- Muchas gracias!
(laughter)
Again, thank you all for coming.
Now, before I sign
all your books for you,
I've got a little treat.
Is Andre about?
(snapping fingers)
(crowd): Ah.
Okay, Andre.
Don't be nervous now.
(woman chuckling)
- I read your book.
Well, the blurb.
Mariachi! (crowd gasping) (grunting)
Gracias... (crying out) (exclamations)
(narrator): Gertz's injury
resulted in a deviated septum
and, as you know, if you've
ever had your septum deviated,
it can be
a pretty painful ordeal.
(Gertz): Phyllis! Get back here!
I'm sorry.
- After 51 years of loyal
service to the Gertz family...
...I, too, decided to write
a new chapter in my life.
Gertz pressed charges
and Ben was convicted
of assault causing
bodily harm.
You're in, boy.
Over here!
- Surprisingly, incarceration was
a very positive experience for Ben.
Oof!
Good work, man. Let's go.
- Well,
I've visited regularly enough
to know that Ben
is a devoted father.
After only five weeks,
and thanks in part
to my testimony,
Ben earned early release
for good behaviour.
...respect instilled
self-confidence...
- Upon the parole board
determining
that it is in the best interest
of the accused,
and not contrary
to the public interest,
the board orders that the
accused be granted a discharge
that is conditional
to successfully completing
a period of probation
of six months.
This proposed decision...
- Over the years,
I became very fond
of the Morin family.
Ben is good people.
- ...Section 84-32,
subdivision...
As spring unfolded,
Luke, Maurice and Maya
requested to see
their parents.
Ben.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- If you can't get rid
of the family skeleton,
you may as well make it dance.
- Simon & Garfunkel?
- George Bernard Shaw.
Enjoy the show!
(Ben sighing)
- Okay.
(soft music)
(background chatter)
(Maya): Why would you do that?
(indistinct chatter)
(laughter)
- Mom! Dad! I missed you.
- Hey, guys.
(crying): Look at you.
- We're glad you're here.
- Yeah, come check it out.
(chuckling)
Wow, that's so clever.
(slow rock music)
Yesterday
Any way you made it
was just fine
So you turned your days
into nighttime
Didn't you know
You can't make it
without ever even trying
And something's on your mind
isn't it
Oh.
Let these times
Show you
That you're breaking up
the lines
Leaving all your dreams
Too far behind
Didn't you see
You can't make it
without ever even trying
And something's on your mind
Maybe another day
You'll want to feel
another way
You can't stop crying
You haven't got
a thing to say
You feel
you want to run away
There's no use trying
Anyway
I've seen
the writing on the wall
Who cannot maintain
Will always fall
Well you know
You can't make it
Without ever even trying
Something's on your mind
isn't it
United, we stand.
Divided, we fall.
(up-tempo music)
When God created a woman
for me
He must have been
in a beautiful mood
To show the world
what a woman could be
When he created
a woman like you
He made the sunshine
right out of your eyes
He made the moon glow
all over your hair
He put a soft summer breeze
in your sighs
So you could breathe summer
into the air
Oh me oh my you make me sigh
You're such
a good-looking woman
When people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
You watch their eyes
they're so surprised
They think
you've fallen out of heaven
And if you listen
to what they're talking about
They're talking about
who's walking about
With an angel at his side
Up there in heaven
I bet they are mad
I bet somebody
will want to know why
The most incredible angel
they had
Was found
to be quite unable to fly
Do you know
what they had forgotten to do
Up there where they make all
those heavenly things
They made an angel
as lovely as you
But the'd forgotten
to fit you with wings
Oh me oh my you make me sigh
You're such
a good-looking woman
When people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
You watch their eyes
they're so surprised
They think
you've fallen out of heaven
And if you listen
to what they're talking about
They're talking about
who's walking about
With an angel at his side
Whoa yeah
Good-looking woman
Oh oh yeah
You're such
a good-looking woman
Oh oh yeah
You're a good-looking woman
Yeah yeah
(slow Mariachi song)
(Mariachi music)
- Knock it off!
Maurice, not now.
- It was a compliment.
- How much longer?
- Soon, sweetie.
- Mom?
- Quiet.
- I just want to ask a question.
Why does Luke have
such nice titties?
- I said knock it off.
(father): Enough.
- Playful teasing
builds character.
Luke needs that.
Anything?!!
(cheerful music)
(narrator): Doctors Ben Morin
and Catherine O'Neal
were on a scientific journey,
which began long before
they were even born.
Ah! (father): Hey! (boys arguing)
(narrator): Catherine O'Neal
was the only child
of two prominent physicists
who died tragically
in a helium explosion
when she was 12 years old.
She was raised
by her aunt Libby,
a prominent psychologist
and... beer aficionado.
- I think we owe them and we owe
ourselves a better country than that.
(narrator): Ben Morin came
from a long line of scientists,
every single one more
successful than the last.
But as a child,
Ben had no affinity
for science.
He spent most
Saturday mornings
playing point guard
with the neighbourhood kids.
You okay, son?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Sport isn't your calling, son.
- But I almost had
the rebound.
- You're a scientist through
and through. It's in your genes.
Now, come on, let's get some ice
on that noggin.
I'm okay to play.
You are better than this.
(narrator): Ben never played
basketball again.
- I'm not gonna tell you twice
now! Come on.
- And took his rightful place
in the family tree.
He focused on his schoolwork
and developed
a sharp scientific mind
and a healthy appetite
for success.
For years, his sex life
consisted of masturbating
to women's equestrian riding
on Sunday afternoons.
(fanfare on TV)
But he finally
found true love
when he met fellow PhD
student Catherine O'Neal.
They devoted their careers to proving
the ultimate power of nurture over nature
to finally answer
the timeless question:
Could we have been anyone
other than who we are?
- Maybe he needs some fluids, I don't know. What do you think?
- Yeah.
They enjoyed the prestige of
being university professors,
but were about to redefine
their measure of success.
(man): For decades,
my foundation has invested
in scientific endeavour
of all kind.
And the one common thread I find
with all scientists
is the fundamental belief
that they can contribute
to the advancement
of humankind.
A noble conviction.
But most of us, myself included,
make very safe choices.
Yet aren't we always inspired
by the rebels?
The ones who lay it all
on the line?
The ones throughout history who dared
to believe that the earth wasn't flat.
The Darwins, the Einsteins
who were considered crazy
we now know
to be visionaries.
These minds only come around
every couple of generations,
so it's important
for all scientists to believe
that they possess the ability
to be one of the greats.
To be one of the rebels.
As scientists, it is your duty to teach
us to see the world a different way,
and to hopefully make our world
a better place.
And so, if you feel that you're
one of those revolutionary minds
that can think outside the box,
I am standing
in front of you today
to ask you to think
outside of that box too.
Thank you.
(narrator):
Randolph P. Gertz III
was the great-grandson
of Archibald Gertz,
who built an empire exporting linen
from Belfast in the 19th century.
Despite a strict Catholic
upbringing by his mother,
Gertz was lured
by the family fortune
and enjoyed
every penny of it.
After his father's death,
Gertz challenged himself
to take charge of his life
and created the Gertz
Foundation for the Sciences.
After years
of... debatable success,
he remained determined
to prove to the world
he wasn't a papa's boy.
Are they here?
(softly): Yes.
- I think we might have
ourselves a winner.
(clock chiming in the distance)
Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having us.
- You've met my personal
assistant, Ms. Phyllis Tridek.
- We did.
- I'll be right back.
- I gotta tell you,
of all the proposals I read,
yours really knocked
my socks off.
(Ben sighing with relief)
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Come. Let's hit the boudoir.
In 1920,
at Johns Hopkins University,
a Professor named John Watson
wanted to prove
that all emotions and behaviours
are learned.
So he had a baby,
known as Little Albert,
play with a white rat,
which the kid loved.
But Watson started
making a loud noise
every time the kid touched
the rat, and, eventually,
the baby became afraid
of the rat,
even when he didn't make
the noise.
- Watson successfully taught
the child to fear rats.
Conditioning 101.
(Gertz): Hmm.
Essentially, uh, well,
Pavlov and the dog.
(Gertz): Hmm.
With your help, we believe
we could actually prove this
on a much larger scale.
And unlike Watson, we'd foster
positive behaviours, not fear.
Our idea is very simple:
We want to raise
our soon-to-be-born child,
and two other kids,
contrarily to their genetics.
- Yeah, so...
so with your support,
we would very much like
to adopt Maya.
She's just been put up
for adoption
and comes from a long line
of dim-witted individuals.
- Hmm.
- Her parents were... simple people.
- Hmm.
- Very simple.
- Idiots?
- Yes. Idiots.
But we would nurture the smartest
little girl you've ever seen.
- Oh, she'll be smart as a whip.
- Ka-tch!
- And obviously, with your
generous support, we would adopt,
uh... Maurice.
Now, his ancestors were, uh...
angry, aggressive...
and in some cases...
Violent.
- Pretty violent, actually.
- Yeah.
- But we would...
we'd raise him to be a pacifist.
- Like Gandhi?
- Yeah, like the Mahatma.
- Hmm.
- And as you can see,
Catherine is very pregnant.
- I should pop any day, really.
- And we would raise our son
to be... an artist.
- So the son of two scientists
is gonna be raised as an artist.
Bingo.
- Thus proving
the power of nurture.
Double bingo.
- And you have no ethical
concerns about this?
No. Why should we?
I mean, it's no different
to most parents who, you know,
encourage their kids to play piano
or be doctors or super athletes.
- Yeah.
- And at the end of the day,
what matters most is how much
you love your kids, right?
And we're gonna give our kids
every ounce of love we got.
- And... and more importantly,
we will prove
that everyone has the potential
to become anything.
- Any... I mean, anything.
- No one... Yeah.
No one is a prisoner of their
genetic heritage. No way.
- And you believe
you can pull this off?
- Indubitably.
- Absolutely.
Well, if that's the case...
...let's start
changing the world.
(Catherine sighing with relief)
- Well, thank you so much.
It's nice to be nice
As my momma once said
(narrator):
In the spring of 1978,
Ben and Catherine
quit the university
and moved to a cottage Ben
inherited from his father, Henry,
who had inherited it
from his father before him.
And Gertz hired them
an assistant.
- Sorry to disturb you,
but I'm done with the reports.
- What about the bassinets?
- The bassinets are clean.
- Okay. Why don't you, uh,
take the evening off, Sammy?
Okay.
Thank you. (narratorKonstantino Samsonov
was an ex-Olympic
shooting medalist
who defected
from the Soviet Union
by hiding in a pastry truck
at the 1976 Montreal games.
(rock music)
(rifle shot in the distance)
Want to go for a ride?
(rifle shot in the distance)
(snorting like a horse)
(whinnying)
(snorting)
Samsonov graduated
with a certificate
in Child Psychology...
(screaming in the distance)
...from the Lake Champlain
evening program,
which qualified him
as natural caregiver
for the children.
(classical music playing) (crying)
- Oh, no, no, no.
- As toddlers, Luke, Maurice and
Maya listened to classical music
to stimulate their neurological
pathways and cerebral juices.
- Dad, why is Luke
such a fart face?
- Hey. Maurice, that's not nice. And for
the last time, put your PJs on, please.
(narrator): Every feeling,
urge and emotion Luke felt
was channelled
into artistic expression.
- You okay?
(tearfully): No!
Do you want to sing about it?
I think you should.
(singing to blues music) You
know I'm the hoochie-coochie man
Everybody knows I'm here
(narrator): Maya's diet...
(Samsonov): Enjoy.
- ...was rich in omega-3s
and iron
to help develop memory
and intelligence.
Her days and nights were filled
with intellectual pursuits.
- Food enters the intestines
and is digested with enzymes...
- And her knowledge was
showcased on a daily basis.
- ...before being absorbed
into the bloodstream.
(imitating rifle shot)
- Hey. Hey, hey.
- Mom!
- Remember
what the Mahatma said:
"An eye for an eye will only
make the whole world blind."
(sighing)
I'm getting Sammy.
(narrator):
Maurice meditated every day
to better himself
and better the world.
You feel calm and safe here.
At peace with yourself.
(man): Two, three times a two
equals a six,
but it is not
at its lowest form if...
(narratorIn addition to the
experiments they underwent every day...
- Fractions can be friends. So
take the top line, two times one...
...they were also
homeschooled
the standard
government curriculum.
Any questions?
Throughout
its 12-year duration,
the children were oblivious
to any scientific experiment.
They lived
with the ups and downs
of any normal,
dysfunctional family.
You know
I'm the hoochie-coochie man
Everybody knows I'm here
They are arriving!
- Hey, don't forget to tell them
you're about to write your first play.
- Yep.
- Yeah.
(Sammy): They are coming!
(soft music)
- How was the trip?
(sighing): Swell.
- Hey, you guys! Give us hugs.
- We missed you!
(chuckling)
- I brought the usual goodies.
- Look at them.
They're all like kudzu.
- What's that?
- Kudzu is a...
it's a Japanese plant.
Grows like crazy.
- And books.
Look what I got for you.
- Do you have
Sports Illustrated?
- The periodical?
- No, the shampoo line.
- Hey, be polite.
(Ms. Tridek):
Who punched you in the nose?
- Come on, let's shake a leg.
(man):
And what is your answer?
- The Anglo-Zanzibar War
of 1895?
Uh... I mean 6.
(woman): Write it down, Maya.
This time,
we'll be conducting a test called the
Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children.
- Is it hard?
- No harder than usual, sweetie.
Just do your best.
Jack has $56 for the market.
By the end of the day,
he has used $19.
What percentage of his money
has he spent?
Three, two, one... Go.
(beep)
(soft music)
A- about a third.
34%.
- You don't need to say it,
sweetie. Just write it down.
Question #7: On a scale of one to 10...
- Get them in here, please.
- One "not angry at all
and 10 being "furious,"
how would you react
if you overheard
your brother or sister
saying bad things about you?
One. Not angry at all.
You wouldn't be mad?
- "Anger always ends in shame."
Ben Franklin said that.
- Do you agree
with Mr. Franklin?
- Of course. Maya would never
say anything bad about me, anyway.
And my brother's a fag,
so, yeah... definitely one.
(manOkay, one last series.
Um...
summer.
- Uh, winter.
- Think as creatively
as you can.
Dog.
Cat?
- Clown. -
Listen. - Party.
- Vagina.
- Penis.
- Relationship.
- Uh... breakup.
- Breathe.
- Suck.
Excrement.
- Shit.
- Slow.
Stupid.
- Play.
- Theatre?
- Dragon.
- Animal. (sighing)
- Water.
- So...
what is going on here?
- What do you mean?
- I'm not seeing superstars.
They're hesitant,
they're docile,
they're... average.
- Average?!
- It means the opposite
of superstar.
- With all due respect, things
are looking pretty positive.
- We're not looking for
"pretty positive," Catherine.
I tell you all the time,
so I'll tell you again:
Now, these results
need to be rock-hard solid.
The study needs to be
like a slap in the face.
- Our results
are rock-hard solid.
We're gonna be, uh,
slapping a lot of faces.
- We're deep
into the last year here, people.
There's no room for complacency.
Capisce?
We capisce.
Totally capisce.
- And may I remind you
that our deal clearly states
that if this fails or blows up in
your face, you pay me back every penny.
Well, we're not failing.
Well, I'm no Randy Warhol,
but answering "cat"
when the question is "dog"
is not a sign
of artistic genius.
He was being ironic.
Oh.
Did he learn that
from his mother, do you think?
I don't doubt it.
Hmm.
Neither do I.
(soft music)
Cut the Little House on the Prairie
routine and get your shit together.
Okay. Drive safe.
- Who wants a warm bowl
of bisque?
That sounds lovely.
You guys go ahead.
(beep)
(line ringing)
- Just saw Tweedledum
and Tweedledee.
We need a powwow ASAP.
Everything okay?
- Call Kukiku.
I need a goddamn rub.
(neck cracking)
Yeah, it's me. He needs a rub.
(soft music)
(panting)
(narrator): Gertz came to visit
twice a year, like clockwork.
It was usually
a cheerful formality
that ended
with too many vodka martinis.
But today, Ben and Catherine
felt no cheer.
No cheer at all.
(loud thump)
(Maya): Ow! Ow! That hurts!
(Maurice): Oh, it hurts?
Ah!
(Luke): Swing it harder!
Put your whole weight behind it.
- Oh!
(laughter)
(Maya): Bend over, bend over!
(Maurice): Three and a-two,
and a-one and a...
- Ow!
(laughter)
(Maya): I want to go again!
I want to go again!
(Luke): Ow. Good one. - Turn
around, turn... - Alright, fine.
(groaning)
(laughter)
- Hey! You stop that!
What are you doing?!
- Nothing.
- It's just a game.
- You're hurting yourselves!
- That's the point.
Oh, to hurt yourselves?
Sammy, just give it a minute,
please.
- Mom, it's just a game. Relax.
- It's totally cool.
No, not cool! Now...
go to your rooms.
This is bullshit!
Rooms! Now!
Not you.
Sammy.
Yes.
- I need some anger-discharge
training here, please.
Right away. (sighing) Oh, yes.
I know what to do.
Here we go again,
little pitbull.
Time to fix you. Come.
This is your lucky day.
Do you feel the serotonin
flowing through your veins?
- Not really.
- You will, you will.
Okay. Very nice.
Two more minutes.
(footsteps approaching)
Kids are asleep.
(brushing teeth): What do we do?
- What?
What do we do?
- About Gertz?
- Yeah, Gertz.
- What can we do?
- Well...
we have to do something.
- Well, I'm more concerned
about the slapping.
- The... the paddle thing?
- Yeah. It was weird.
- Meh... kids. That's what
kids do. They horse around.
Still, it's... it's weird.
Well, Gertz is weirder.
But he's right, you know. We
can't afford to be complacent.
Ugh, God, I really need
to integrate flossing
more regularly
in my daily routine.
Can you remind me, Cath?
(slurping)
(military drumming)
Theatre... is an act of war.
(military drumming)
Let the play speak for itself.
(military drumming)
- The children slapping
their butts with the paddles
was a curious event,
to say the least. Very curious.
But I...
(glass breaking)
Oof.
Uh...
Come on.
Show's about to start.
- I am finishing up
the monthly report.
I will be there in two minutes.
I must get laid very soon.
Yes.
(cassette rewinding)
I must get laid very soon.
- Hello, and welcome
to the premiere of Kitty Kat.
A Q&A will follow.
Enjoy the show.
(cheering)
- Looks like you with a
beard. - Really? - Yeah.
- I think he's playing Lincoln.
- The following story may sound unbelievable,
but I assure you
that every word of it is true.
My name is Bobby and I've
lived on a farm my whole life.
(chuckling)
I inherited the farm
from my daddy,
who inherited it
from his daddy before him.
I'm what Cal Smith would call
a real country bumpkin.
(Country Bumpkin playing)
(whispering): Country bumpkin?
- Living on a farm is hard work
and I love every minute of it.
But it can be lonely.
Really lonely.
I'm so lonely.
- The long days make it
practically impossible
for a guy like me
to meet any women.
But all that changed last week when I
noticed a car just farther up the road.
The hood was popped open and the
sweetest little ass I have ever seen
was bent over
checking out the engine.
Her name was Kitty Kat.
- I'm Kitty,
but you can call me Kitty Kat.
(Ben): Hmm.
- I stared at her long and hard.
Flowing blond hair
and her hard breasts
bursting out
of her snug white T.
- Excuse me?
- Shhh.
- The moment was electric.
We barely spoke,
and before I knew it, I was
rubbing up against her backside.
Okay, okay, show's over.
- My johnson was purring
like a V8.
Within minutes
I was balls-deep inside her.
- Okay, yeah...
- I said enough. What is this?
Who wrote this?
Where'd you get it?
- Uh, from the book.
Uh, Penthouse Magazine.
- I need some air.
- It's not...
Luke,
I'm-I'm disappointed in you.
I mean, you should really, really let
your characters speak for themselves.
The use of a narrator,
it's weak dramaturgy.
It really is. Okay.
Lock it up.
Catherine? Sweetie?
Confirm your status,
or I'll be forced
to break down this door.
- Leave me alone.
- Oh, come on, let me in, please. Cath.
(Catherine sighing)
You okay?
- Our kids just put on a play
based on pornographic material.
I'm as far from okay as one can
be and I have a fucking migraine.
- I just asked Samsonov
to lock up his skin mags, so...
- Good work, Columbo.
Problem solved.
- Catherine, you're gonna start
driving yourself crazy with this.
You're just having
a mild panic attack.
Okay? Go for a run.
Do something.
(scoffing)
- You just don't get it, do you?
- I know you're upset.
- You're damn right I'm upset.
- I'm sorry.
I will lock everything up.
My private collection
will soon be like Fort Knox.
- That's great.
How do you want to handle this?
What you want me to do?
- I want you to care that Maurice wants to be "ball
- deep" into Maya!
- Oh, come on, it's a play.
Fictional characters.
They probably don't even know
what "ball-deep" means.
(laughing): Oh, yes, they do!
- Big deal.
Our son just directed
his first play.
These...
are rock-hard-solid results.
- I don't care about...!
Fuck Gertz!
I want to get
an outside opinion.
- About what?
- Well, I want to know if...
fake-humping your sister onstage
in front of your parents
is part of the normal sexual
development of a child.
(chuckling)
- Of course it is.
- You think this is funny?
- No?
- What if it's deviant
sexual development?
And what about the whole canoe
ass-slapping incident?
What if it all adds up to, uh...
dissociative behaviour?
- Deviant sexual development?
(indistinct conversation)
(whispering): We need to focus
on what's important here.
Gertz is right.
We need results.
Oh, honey pie,
we're so close.
No... What are you doing?
- I am reassuring you.
- Mom?
Maurice put this on my bed.
- Oh my G... Just get rid of it.
- Can I put it on his bed?
- No! Just get rid of it!
And put on some decent clothing
while you're at it!
- Mom's right. Just get rid of it, honey.
- God!
- Catherine, Catherine, Catherine,
Catherine, just let it all go.
- Don't say my name repeatedly.
It's condescending.
Okay.
- I just want someone who
can tell me my kids are okay.
(Maya): Mom? Dad?
(gurgling)
- You tried to flush it?
- Why not?
- Oh, come on,
you're smarter than that.
Clearly not.
(Catherine sighing)
We need help.
Okay, I want Julie.
Never.
Why not?
Ne-ver.
(Iron Maiden's The Number
of the Beast blasting)
(relieved groaning)
(cracking)
(narrator): Dr. Julie Bouchard
was a child psychiatrist
and an old friend
of Catherine's
whom she had not seen
in over a decade.
- Hey!
(screaming laughter)
Ben despised Julie.
(excited chatter)
- I'm so happy to see you!
He considered her
a mediocre scientist at best,
and attributed
her academic success
to her sculpted cheekbones.
- Hi, Ben.
- Hey, Julie.
Looking good.
- Yeah.
(laughter)
- How's the, uh...
how's the old campus?
- I'm running three labs now.
- Wow!
- Published four times
last year.
Yeah, life's good, life's good.
- My God! That's amazing! Congratulations!
- How about you guys?
How's country living?
- Yeah. Life is... it's, uh...
it's very good.
It's pretty sweet.
- Great.
Great.
Julie, thank you so much for, you
know, coming all this way. Long trip.
Uh... but, uh, to be honest,
I think that my wife -
my lovely wife -
may have overreacted.
A little bit. A smidge.
And the kids are fine,
they're really fine,
really great.
They're fucking awesome.
- Ben, please.
- We cool here?
- We cool.
Cool.
- I... Okay, so I thought
I'd take them out,
see how they operate
on their own.
- Sounds good to me.
- We should stick around here. We usually take them out.
- Don't worry, Ben. We'll be back
by suppertime. Where are the kids?!
Yeah.
- Hi!
- Hi.
Sammy.
(Catherine): Luke! Guys?!
"Luke! Guys!"
- It's always Luke and the two others.
- Oh, shut up.
I got a surprise! Come on!
- Coming!
What the hell is wrong with her?
- Come on, Luke, run like
a good little dog to Mommy.
Asshole. That is what you are.
(Maya giggling)
You are the biggest asshole
I have ever set eyes upon.
(soft music)
And you claim
you got something going
Something you call unique
But I seen
your self-pity showing
As the tears
roll down your cheeks
Soon you know I'll leave you
And I'll never look behind
'Cause I was born
for the purpose
That crucifies your mind
So con-convince your mirror
As you've always done before
Giving substance to shadows
Giving substance evermore
And you assume
you've got something to offer
Secrets shiny and new
But how much of you
is repetition
That you didn't whisper
to him too
- What can I say? You got yourselves some kick
- ass kids.
They're... they're awesome.
- Ha! What'd I tell you?
Thank you, Julie. Thank you.
- Awesome how?
- Well...
even after 12 years
of homeschooling,
they were perfectly at ease
in this social environment.
They weren't intimidated.
They socialized.
- So now dissociative behaviour
symptoms?
Catherine, listen,
I've worked with hundreds,
if not thousands, of teenagers,
I've seen them steal, drink,
lie, beat up their parents,
beat up each other,
beat themselves up,
touching themselves...
touching each other,
touching their pets.
To varying degrees,
it's all somewhat normal.
So I know my analysis
is extremely superficial,
but trust me,
your kids are fine.
- No, Julie...
my kids are not fine.
(loud music and thudding
upstairs)
What am I missing here?
(loud thudding and music)
- Excuse me.
- It's a very interesting
analysis you made.
- Thank you.
(heavy metal blaring)
- You like lamb?
- Lamb? Yeah.
Then stay for dinner.
I made kebabs,
and a light garden salad.
(heavy metal blaring)
(kids screaming)
(kids panting)
- Where did you get this?
Hmm? Where did you get this?!
- Julie gave it to us.
(panting)
What's wrong?
(soft music playing)
- Maurice,
do your breathing exercises.
But...
I knew it. I fucking knew it.
(Maurice): Asshole.
- Maybe throw in
some horseradish.
- Horseradish. -
Mm-hmm. (Julie chuckling)
You gave this to our kids?
- They liked it in the car, so I
gave it to them. Is it a problem?
Calm down, Ben.
It's just music.
You should leave.
- What is wrong with you?
- Please go.
(softly): You are such a freak.
Always have been.
Pack up your shit...
and go!!
Oh you make me strong
- Come back. Come on.
- No.
You two... you two are a mess.
If anyone needs help here,
it's you. It's not your kids.
Sorry.
- Bye, Julie.
I'll be in the shower.
(Roger Whittaker's
You Are My Miracle playing)
To feel the joy and pain
as I do
You are my nights
You are my days
(song fading)
(Catherine): 300 miles per hour.
(Maya): That's impossible.
You can't even drive
the lawnmower.
(Maurice): I can totally drive.
Want to bet?
It's really not that hard.
Sammy showed me.
(soft music)
Well, I could do it.
- Maurice, come on,
everyone already knows I'm a way
better driver than you anyway.
- I... don't think
this is a good idea anymore.
- What are you talking about?
Of course it is!
(narrator): For Luke,
Maurice and Maya,
the afternoon spent
frolicking in the pool,
away from their parents,
triggered an awakening.
Meanwhile, Ben and Catherine
were finding it
increasingly difficult
to agree on the right course
of action.
And had not gone
for a horsey ride in weeks.
(sniffling)
(sighing)
(whirring)
(helicopter approaching)
- What the hell
are they doing here?
- Hi!
- Hi! What a surprise! (Maurice): This is so cool!
(laughing)
- I got goodies!
(kids laughing and chattering)
- Have you heard
of Alfred Russel Wallace?
- Uh... reggae guy?
- No.
19th-century biologist.
- Potentially the greatest
field biologist of his time.
Like Darwin, he proposed
a theory of evolution.
Yet nobody's ever heard of him.
A man completely forgotten
by history.
Why do you think that is?
Because Darwin published first.
He simply wanted it more.
He was more determined.
What is this?
- Two Portuguese scientists are
conducting the same experiment as you guys.
They've got two pair of twins,
and they're nurturing them
on intelligence, creativity,
aggression,
and sexual orientation.
So you see, there's no point
in being Alfred fucking Wallace.
Just watch.
(indistinct chatter)
Aggression.
(both grunting)
Sexual orientation.
- Damn those Portuguese.
Every time.
But... this is medieval.
It has nothing to do
with what we're doing here.
- You're missing the point.
- Well, you may like
these short-term results
of these Portuguese guys,
but that's exactly
what they are: short-term.
In 10 years' time, these kids
are gonna be whacked.
- Whacked?
- Yeah! You can't raise kids like caged animals.
We have brought up our kids as normally
as possible given the circumstances,
and I'm only hoping now
that they'll be okay.
- Catherine,
you're not listening to me.
We are way past the point
of discussion here.
Now, what I want from you is
to act on what I'm telling you!
- Oh, oh, oh! So you want us to go medieval
on our kids? Have you lost your fucking mind?
- Can you calm her down? Is there a switch?
- No.
- Oh, my God.
- Anything wrong here?
- Nobody cares about the second
man on the moon, Catherine!
We need to be the first.
- Well, not like this.
- If that's your attitude,
maybe you're not ready
to finish this job.
(scoffing)
I want the kids.
- What do you mean,
you want the kids?
- If you don't have the humility to
learn from your Portuguese counterparts,
I'm gonna ask Phyllis here to take
care of them for the final sprint.
- What?
- Your maid?
- Personal assistant.
And they love her.
- You need to get the fuck out of here!
- Excuse me?
- Oh, you heard me! Back on
your horse, Billy fucking Bronco!
(door slamming)
Turn that off!
Mom! Dig deep!
Find that serenity!
Dig deep!
- Yeah, she's been really
strung out, but don't worry,
we're gonna do
what we have to do.
- For sure, that's all I
want to hear. Here. Take this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Who the hell's Bronco Billy?
(roaring)
(Maurice): Mom! Dig deep!
- Phyllis can be very maternal!
Could be good for everyone!
It's a win-win!
Think about it!
- That's it.
(under her breath): Shit!
- Let it all out!
Like the rivers of Babylon!
Take off! Take off! Quick!
- What are you doing?!
- Oh, my God!
That goddamn cavewoman...
just stuck an axe in my chopper!
(Maya gasping)
- Okay.
- What was that?! You need to calm down.
- Don't even.
- What was to be gained by threatening
to take away their children?!
Oh, put a sock in it, Phyllis!
Sweetie... honey...
- Your behaviour
was only disgraceful!
- You're a personal assistant! This is
above your pay scale, don't you think?
Calm down.
I love you guys.
Catherine?
Okay...
(soft music)
Hey there.
Nuts?
Tough day, huh?
(scoffing)
Do you want me to leave?
Mm. No, stay.
Want to talk about Gertz?
Want to talk about the kids?
Want to talk about my...
stunning Olympic career?
(chuckling)
You know, it was my great-grandfather
who taught me how to... shoot.
- Oh.
- I didn't tell you, eh?
Yes, he was born in Greece
and he moved to Estonia,
and he had a farm
and I shot all sorts of things:
rocks or, you know, wood.
Not animals, you know,
unless we were going
to eat them. But...
Let's just, uh...
What?
Let's just not talk.
Is that okay?
- Okay.
(chatter on TV)
(snoring)
Ahem.
(whispering): Good night, Mom.
(snoring)
(beeping)
Okay, ready?
- Yeah,
I just have one question.
Sure.
- Um. Do you think I'm more
like you or like Mom?
That's a big question.
That's a good question.
Uh... I mean...
Hang on. (beep) Okay.
Here's the thing, Luke.
Um...
Your play, Kitty Kat.
Borderline inappropriate,
but you're an artist, Luke,
and what I got from it
was you are at an age
where there's - pfft -
a lot of stuff
stirring up inside you,
a lot of energy,
a lot of sexual energy,
and, boy...
(whistling)
...that's a powerful force.
A force...
...that you can learn to use
to your own advantage.
Pay attention, son.
Uh, yeah, uh...
this is...
was known, often, uh...
often called...
erotic art.
Ready? Ahem.
- Yeah, uh, I, um,
I really don't want to do this.
- I know, I know,
but I want you to do is,
I want you to summon up
that energy.
I want you to harness
that energy,
I want you
to channel that force,
that sexual force inside you.
And I want you to just,
you know, release it into dance.
- Y-you want me to dance
my sexual emotion?
- Exactly. I want you to just, you
know, dance your sexual emotions.
Ahem. With you?
No... I mean... No, no. No.
But I've seen you dance... man.
Give it a try.
Who knows what's gonna happen.
To show the world what a woman
could be That's it, up you get.
Just really commit.
Commit to this.
I know it's a bit embarrassing,
but just really, come on!
Give it your all.
Not bad.
Think about these ladies.
This is good stuff.
Look at them.
Whoop. Hello.
Let it go!
Stop thinking about it. Just...
Music.
Lady.
Movement.
...people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
Well, actually, I'm sorry, no.
Let's try it again, though. Come
on, come on. Come on, it's just me.
What? Luke? Luke? You're gonna do
this, son, one way or another. Come on.
This is science.
No one messes with science.
...they're talking about who's walking
about with an angel at his side...
You're probably
more like your mother.
Kids, could you stop that?
Your mother's sleeping!
Hey, you're up.
You feeling better?
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Yeah, well, you know,
you were riding the booze train
pretty hard last night, so...
Yeah, well...
- Yeah, well... what?
Hmm?
I mean, you attack our financier and
then you drink yourself half to death
and sleep in until - whoa! - three
in the fucking afternoon. Wow!
We got a job to do here. Get your
shit together, Catherine, or...
(inhaling deeply)
Or what?
(soft music)
(creaking)
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck! Fuck!
(kids laughing and chattering
in the distance)
Tsk.
(Catherine): Thanks, Sammy. I'll
let you know when we're ready.
Hey.
- Sammy's driving me to the
doctor. I'm taking the kids with me.
- What's wrong?
- I've got chest pains. I can't breathe.
And this migraine's
not going away. Ahem.
- Just... sleep it off.
You'll feel better tomorrow.
- I'm going to the doctor.
End of story.
- Well,
I'll look after the kids...
if you want.
I don't trust you.
You fucking the Ruskie?
(scoffing)
- Excuse me?
- Are... you...
fucking the Ruskie?
That. Has. Got. To. Stop!
Catherine.
(kids bickering)
I just had to say...
a lot of these ex-athletes,
acute cases of gonorrhoea,
you know. Yep.
(Sammy): Ciao, ciao!
Ciao, ciao. Dick.
(soft, quirky music)
- And how long
has this been going on?
A couple weeks.
- Has this happened before?
- No. Well...
Yeah, but... I mean, not really.
Uh...
When I was 18 years old,
I wvery sexually active.
Like... a voracious falcon.
It was such a great release
for me.
I was just living it up.
I mean, God!
Oh, what a crazy time.
And now, it's...
Well, it's different.
I'm-I'm immersed in my work.
Day in, day out, it's, like,
kids, work, kids, work.
I mean, I can't even really...
remember the last time
I had any fun.
I mean... real... fun.
(despairing chuckle)
Sorry.
I guess what I'm getting at is,
uh...
(whispering):...my husband is driving
me absolutely bonkers right now.
I mean, he would hate it if I told
you this, he would kill me, but, uh...
...he likes me to dress up
as a thoroughbred.
I put on this little tail
and it's really...
it's very silly,
and I just want to be 18 again.
(sobbing): I want to be free
like that falcon.
Am I making any sense?
- Can you take
some time off work?
Uh, maybe.
- A woman in your state
shouldn't be working.
You need to disconnect.
If I had a tranquilizer gun,
I'd shoot you with it right now,
and you'd thank me for it,
but I don't, so...
I'm gonna prescribe these...
You can up the dosage
as you see fit.
Okay. Thank you.
(Dorothy Scott's
Ride These Waves playing)
Sail me
Over
Your blue sea
Now anchor me away
Cast your
Spell of...
(sighing)
Cast it like a rock
Down in the sea
Ah, Balzac.
Cause you have landed
in the deeps
The deeps
(Maya): The TV was stolen!
- How's your mother?
(Luke): The diagnosis is vague.
(Maurice): Dad,
where is all the food?
(Maya): Where's the TV?
- It's gone!
(Maya): Gone where?!
Where's my wife?
She went to bed.
She needs her rest.
(under his breath):
Commie sonofabitch.
(Maya): Dad, seriously,
where's the TV?
- What happened? Hmm?
What did the doctor say?
(softly): He said I needed
to take a break.
Okay, well, um... uh...
- Actually, I think
we could all use a break.
- Hmm?
- A real break,
like... like a trip.
You know? We could...
pack up the car
and go somewhere.
It's just not the right time.
- It's the perfect time.
Think about it.
We... could drive
down the coast.
Take the kids out of the lab.
Go into the real world.
Oh, God...
Oh, it could be so great.
Honey?
What the hell are these?
They're very, very strong...
...happy pills.
Get some rest, okay?
Oh, hey,
and I want to stop the experiments
until I'm feeling better.
I can't do that.
(chuckling)
Honey...
Oh, God... stop.
Ginger up...
Oh... don't bullshit me, Ben!
All I'm asking for
is a couple of days.
Fine.
Promise?
I promise.
Thank you.
(sighing)
Okay.
(narrator):
At that exact moment,
Ben felt he had lost.
But failure was
not an option.
This is good. Thank you.
Under no circumstances
would he yield
to the Portuguese.
Guys. Please. Eat up.
Is there anything else?
- Legumes offer
unparalleled nutrition.
That's something
we could all use right now.
Yes, your father's right.
All these beans make you strong.
Many different kinds.
Oh, just eat half. Whatever.
- Are there any new protocols
I should be briefed about?
No.
- You threw out the television
and burned many books.
I feel there has been
a change of plan.
There is. Or there was.
But, uh, Catherine has asked me
to put everything on hold.
Ah.
So what should I write
in the weekly report?
What do you mean?
- Well, won't it look strange to
have a pause at such a crucial time?
Scientifically speaking?
If I may,
I really don't think
this is the time
to be taking a pause.
- Catherine's not really in the
mood for negotiating right now.
Uh, you know,
she's pretty out of it.
- You're right. She will
be out of it for a few days.
Yeah.
Yes.
I will start on dishes.
Whatever.
(kids chattering)
Yeah...
This is a big day for you.
Sweetie, I'm sorry to say, you're
just not Daddy's little girl anymore.
You'll always be Daddy's
little little girl, pumpkin,
but you're getting to an age
when you're gonna have to start
making a lot of decisions
for yourself. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
A lot of judgment calls.
But this, this game,
whoa, it's gonna help.
- Can I take it?
- Sure.
Careful.
- It's so cute!
- You know, millions of mice
like this one,
every day sacrifice
for the progress of mankind.
- What are we going to do?
- Good question. Okay.
The mouse enters here
and you have to help him
find his way out by opening
or closing these doors.
But if you make a mistake,
there are consequences.
- What?
- Know that there are consequences
to bad decisions, just like life.
Okay.
Ready?
Let's play mouse-tricity.
(squeaking)
Good girl. That's it.
You're doing really well,
Maymay.
Oh, he's at an impasse.
Mm-hmm.
Come on, come on, come on.
Okay, okay. Oh, oh, oh...
wrong door.
Oh. Oh.
Oh!
(Maya gasping)
(screaming)
Dad!
Stop! What are you doing?!
You killed it!
- You took all the decisions,
you gotta take responsibility.
- You killed it, Dad!
You're so mean! I hate you!
- Maya...
don't be upset.
It's just... a mouse.
Why would you do this?!
- What the hell
is going on here?
- Whoa, hon, you shouldn't be
walking around.
You should go back to bed.
- You promised...
you promised me a hiatus.
- Well, a lot of promises were made,
Catherine. A lot of promises were made.
Well, so, what are you doing?
- I knew you'd react like this,
so I had to push on.
I couldn't tell you.
- Well...
I'm done.
I'm, uh...
Yeah, I'm-I'm telling the kids.
- About what?
- Everything.
I'm just...
I'm gonna tell them everything.
- Ca-Catherine, this is no time
to act crazy. Just listen to me.
No! You listen to me.
You are the crazy one, okay?!
I mean, look at yourself,
for chrissakes!
You look like
a goddamn mental patient!
- I look like a mental patient?! Take
a damn look in the mirror, sweetheart!
(muffled argument)
(camera whirring)
(argument continues)
- United, we stand.
- Divided, we fall.
(screaming in distance)
- Uh, good,
but just try it again.
(argument continues)
Action!
United, we stand!
Divided, we fall.
- I can't.
I'm just so sick of it.
It's...
(chuckling)
I'm sick of it.
Catherine... Ca-Catherine!
(rapping)
Come on. Catherine!
(rattling doorknob)
Catherine? Oh... Catherine!
- Luke? - Open
the door! - Guys!
- Stop, Catherine! - Where
are you?! - You can't do that!
- Shit.
- Catherine!
Catherine!
Don't do it!
- They're not even here.
(engine roaring)
(tires squealing)
Oh, jeez!
- What are you doing?! Stop, stop!
- Stop!
Luke, open the door.
This is dangerous.
- No!
(music blaring)
- What is she saying?
- She's drunk.
- She loves the Dutch?
- I'm so sorry!
- She's horny
and wants some brew?
(Ben):
Cut this engine right now!
You're in a lot of trouble,
young man!
- Open up.
- Stop! Put down the window!
- Listen, we lied to you.
- Here we go!
- Oh!
(music blaring)
(shrieking)
We're the kids in America
Whoa-oh
We're the kids in America
Whoa-oh
Everybody live
for the music-go-round
La-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la
Sing
So what the bejesus happened?
- They, uh, they caused a 19
- car pileup on the 141.
- Hmm. - Wow. - Not
a scratch on them,
but Social Services
got a court order, so...
- So...
now we can't see the kids.
Bloody fascists.
Now, I believe this incident
falls under the...
blowing-up-in-your-face clause.
Which is...
paragraph 36-B.
Since there's been a breach
in the contract,
that means that you're obligated
to refund -
according
to my astute accountants -
a little over $1.4 million.
- Hold on here.
W- we had our knees cut
as we were crossing
the finish line.
We had... this.
We had this in the bag.
- Well, now you're holding
an empty bag.
And I won't lie to you.
The timing of this incident
could not be better.
- We lost our kids. You get that,
right? Does he...? He gets that, right?
- Oh, I do. That's why
I'm willing to deal here.
To be frank, I haven't been...
perfectly forthcoming with you.
What do you mean?
- I'm so sorry.
- Zip it, Phyllis.
- No, what?
- I swear,
I had no idea of the extent
of the deception until recently.
I said zip it, Phyllis.
- What deception?
- You see, throughout history,
scientists have used humans
and animals as guinea pigs.
So where do you draw the line between
protecting dignity and promoting progress?
I don't understand, I...
- Well, in this case,
science is a guinea pig.
You're the guinea pigs.
My guinea pigs.
- What do you mean?
- Yeah.
- Well... while you were experimenting
on your kids, I was experimenting on you.
How?!
- Well, the working title for
my book is: The Rationalizing
of Unethical Behaviour
for the So-Called Greater Good.
My... my editor wants something
with a bit more pizzazz.
- So, uh...
(chuckling wryly)
What are you gonna write?
- Well, basically,
that you've been using your kids
as lab rats.
That's the basic premise.
- How dare you?
- The hell do you... know?
What the hell can you, uh,
even write about?
I- I... You know, I'm...
- Well...
Samsonov kept a tight log...
...of every minute detail.
(Catherine exclaiming)
- And you!
(sobbing): Our kids loved you.
What about the, uh...
the, uh... Portuguese?
(laughing)
- I made that up.
There were no Portuguese, Ben.
I just did it to see
how far you were willing to go.
(silent chuckle)
You... you cuntbag.
Don't you see
how fucking unethical this is?
I mean,
do you see the irony here?
- Can we remain professional
here?
Now, I am willing
to rip up your contract
and forget
about the $1.4 million
if you sign this short
but effective release form.
It's pretty straightforward. It basically
says that I forget about your debt,
and in return, you have no say
over what I publish.
You've ruined everything!
- Come on. See it
as turning over a new leaf.
It's a new day.
Tabula rasa.
Hmm.
(door opening)
Hello. Hello, Ben.
Hello, Catherine.
How are you?
How are... the children?
(cracking)
Ah! Ah!!!
Why?
(high-pitched screaming)
Commie sonofabitch.
(crying): Why you do that...
to me?
Why? Why the balls?
(narrator): Ben and Catherine
exhausted every possible option,
both legal and illegal,
to retrieve their children,
but failed
time and time again.
- I see you're taking
the, uh, canoe paddle.
Hmm. Which is mine.
- Yeah, but you're living
in the city now, so...
I left you the spare.
And after 13 years
of marriage,
they parted ways.
Drive safe.
- Social Services helped
place the children
at the Saint-Patrick Academy,
a therapeutic boarding school
for kids coming
from difficult circumstances.
Sequestered from
their parents,
their integration
was immediate and seamless.
Maya was
a top-notch student...
- Push down. It melts the snow and reduces friction.
- What?
- ...excelling
in several disciplines.
Just go.
(shrieking)
- But had little interest
in her studies.
Maurice developed a keen
interest in Asian philosophies
and volunteered his time
as a referee
with the Saint-Patrick
Boxing Bandits.
- Anger is poison.
Always respect your opponent.
Fight fair. Carry on, boys.
- Luke joined
a group of artists
known
as The Saint-Patrick Four,
now rebranded
the Saint-Patrick Five,
who were committed to publicly
expressing their every instinct.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
I now present to you:
The Uniboob.
- Luke felt The Uniboob
was misunderstood
and channelled his energy
into a passion project.
Like the fool I am
and I'll always be
I've got a dream
I've got
a dream
Both parents
felt overwhelming agony
about being cut
from their children.
Catherine found solace
on the treadmill,
but her greatest
fear realized
moments before
the commercial break.
I know I could share it
if you want me to
If you're going my way
Gertz's publication
was ranked 17th
on the National
Bestseller list.
- "The doctors used their kids
like a chef uses an egg,
as an ingredient
for something greater.
The eggs were whipped and
beaten for 12 excruciating years
in an attempt to make
the ultimate omelet."
- They're dead to me.
- I never want to see them again.
I think I'm having a seizure.
(soft music)
(car approaching)
(engine stopping)
(car door opening and closing)
Hey.
You, uh... you've come back
for the paddle?
I thought you should see this.
I don't get it.
- Well, those are our kids.
They're the guinea pigs.
What guinea pigs?
- When is the last time
you left the house?
- I don't know. Last, uh...
Wednesday maybe.
Gertz published.
The whole school knows
who they are.
They're gonna be humiliated
and bullied or...
who knows what else.
I really screwed up, didn't I?
- Clean yourself up
and come with me, okay?
I'll... explain everything
in the car.
I'll wait outside.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
(indistinct conversation)
- May I help you?
- Hi, I'm Linda McCoy. I'm just here to see my kids.
- Who?
- Yeah, yeah, just some family business.
I'll be back in a jiff.
- Excuse me!
(sighing)
- Oh, my God.
Anything?
(squeaking)
(man): Bend that front knee,
Jarred.
There you go.
Very good.
Lead with the arm, Brittany.
There you go! Excellent.
You guys see that?
That's great form.
In with the arm, Brit...
Uh... excuse me?
- Yeah.
- Can I help you?
- Uh...
We're just, we're just, uh...
we're looking for, uh...
we're looking for our kids.
- Oh!
- Do you have a permission slip?
- There's been a bereavement. Their
grandmother. Horrible accident.
- Okay, well, I can't really
release the kids without...
- We spoke to, uh... Phyllis.
- Guys, uh, just... stay here...
You're hurting my arm!
- Stop whining, son,
and pick up the pace.
(teacher): Stop!
You need permission!
(quietly): Go, go, go, go, go!
- Is there a key for this? -
I'll get the keys. - Alright.
Hi!
Honey. Okay, look, the, uh...
that book
is a gross exaggeration.
- It's a pack of lies.
- Yep.
- Not all of it.
- When did you plan on telling us the truth?
I tried to.
- When?
- The day you left.
- You said you were horny and needed some brew.
- Something about the Dutch.
- What? No. I said this is all a
mistake; I love you with all my heart.
- That's not what you said.
- I remember exactly what your mother said.
She said,
"We... we lied to you.
I'm sorry
and I love you very much."
- Who cares, okay? You lied
to us and used us for 13 years.
- It wasn't a lie. It didn't
feel like a lie, did it?
- It does now.
- Okay, look, look.
Yes, we...
...we made a mistake, okay?
But we did it with love.
I mean, we-we-we always wanted
the best for you. Always.
- Yes.
- Everything was for you.
- No, it wasn't, okay?
You're not us.
You don't know what it's like for us to
have parents like you, okay? You don't.
(knocking)
(man): Mr. and Mrs. Morin?
I'm sorry, but we're gonna
have to open the door.
- Oh, God, could you just please
stop it with the Gestapo bullshit?!
Okay, please come out.
- Okay, that's...
- Okay. You let go.
- Okay, okay.
- Alright.
Guys?
(babel)
Guys? Okay,
you're gonna come with me.
- No, no,
don't pull her like that!
- Alright, alright, alright.
- Please come on.
- Hey, don't you touch me!
- Ma'am, you have to leave.
You have to leave.
- What is this, a...
- Ma'am.
- Don't... touch me!
Please, can you leave?
(soft music)
- Ma'am.
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, guys, get back.
- I can walk, okay?
I know how to walk. Is this
a fucking school or a jail?
What did I say? Come on!
(sighing)
Follow me.
(whistling)
(Spanish exclamation)
(singing)
(cheering and applause)
- Muchas gracias!
(laughter)
Again, thank you all for coming.
Now, before I sign
all your books for you,
I've got a little treat.
Is Andre about?
(snapping fingers)
(crowd): Ah.
Okay, Andre.
Don't be nervous now.
(woman chuckling)
- I read your book.
Well, the blurb.
Mariachi! (crowd gasping) (grunting)
Gracias... (crying out) (exclamations)
(narrator): Gertz's injury
resulted in a deviated septum
and, as you know, if you've
ever had your septum deviated,
it can be
a pretty painful ordeal.
(Gertz): Phyllis! Get back here!
I'm sorry.
- After 51 years of loyal
service to the Gertz family...
...I, too, decided to write
a new chapter in my life.
Gertz pressed charges
and Ben was convicted
of assault causing
bodily harm.
You're in, boy.
Over here!
- Surprisingly, incarceration was
a very positive experience for Ben.
Oof!
Good work, man. Let's go.
- Well,
I've visited regularly enough
to know that Ben
is a devoted father.
After only five weeks,
and thanks in part
to my testimony,
Ben earned early release
for good behaviour.
...respect instilled
self-confidence...
- Upon the parole board
determining
that it is in the best interest
of the accused,
and not contrary
to the public interest,
the board orders that the
accused be granted a discharge
that is conditional
to successfully completing
a period of probation
of six months.
This proposed decision...
- Over the years,
I became very fond
of the Morin family.
Ben is good people.
- ...Section 84-32,
subdivision...
As spring unfolded,
Luke, Maurice and Maya
requested to see
their parents.
Ben.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- If you can't get rid
of the family skeleton,
you may as well make it dance.
- Simon & Garfunkel?
- George Bernard Shaw.
Enjoy the show!
(Ben sighing)
- Okay.
(soft music)
(background chatter)
(Maya): Why would you do that?
(indistinct chatter)
(laughter)
- Mom! Dad! I missed you.
- Hey, guys.
(crying): Look at you.
- We're glad you're here.
- Yeah, come check it out.
(chuckling)
Wow, that's so clever.
(slow rock music)
Yesterday
Any way you made it
was just fine
So you turned your days
into nighttime
Didn't you know
You can't make it
without ever even trying
And something's on your mind
isn't it
Oh.
Let these times
Show you
That you're breaking up
the lines
Leaving all your dreams
Too far behind
Didn't you see
You can't make it
without ever even trying
And something's on your mind
Maybe another day
You'll want to feel
another way
You can't stop crying
You haven't got
a thing to say
You feel
you want to run away
There's no use trying
Anyway
I've seen
the writing on the wall
Who cannot maintain
Will always fall
Well you know
You can't make it
Without ever even trying
Something's on your mind
isn't it
United, we stand.
Divided, we fall.
(up-tempo music)
When God created a woman
for me
He must have been
in a beautiful mood
To show the world
what a woman could be
When he created
a woman like you
He made the sunshine
right out of your eyes
He made the moon glow
all over your hair
He put a soft summer breeze
in your sighs
So you could breathe summer
into the air
Oh me oh my you make me sigh
You're such
a good-looking woman
When people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
You watch their eyes
they're so surprised
They think
you've fallen out of heaven
And if you listen
to what they're talking about
They're talking about
who's walking about
With an angel at his side
Up there in heaven
I bet they are mad
I bet somebody
will want to know why
The most incredible angel
they had
Was found
to be quite unable to fly
Do you know
what they had forgotten to do
Up there where they make all
those heavenly things
They made an angel
as lovely as you
But the'd forgotten
to fit you with wings
Oh me oh my you make me sigh
You're such
a good-looking woman
When people stop
and people stare
You know it fills my heart
with pride
You watch their eyes
they're so surprised
They think
you've fallen out of heaven
And if you listen
to what they're talking about
They're talking about
who's walking about
With an angel at his side
Whoa yeah
Good-looking woman
Oh oh yeah
You're such
a good-looking woman
Oh oh yeah
You're a good-looking woman
Yeah yeah
(slow Mariachi song)
(Mariachi music)