Black Cadillac (2003) Movie Script
( footsteps )
( car door slams )
( engine sputtering )
( engine revving )
( tires screeching )
- ( crowd chanting )
Chug! Chug! Chug!
- ( country music playing )
( chanting continues )
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Ain't that a man, huh?!
Whoo!
( belches )
She let her hair
hang down
She's been
out on the town
I think she's
fooling around...
So, how old are you
anyway, Billy?
Oh, it's Robby,
actually.
Robby Katzen,
but you can call me
Billy if you want.
- And I'm 20.
- 20?
( forced laugh )
So what do you do?
- You work, you go
to school or what?
- I go to school.
- High school?
- College.
- Bullshit.
- No, it's not
bullshit at all.
As a matter of fact,
I currently attend
the University of Minnesota.
Look, you don't have
to bullshit me, you know?
I see guys like you
in here all the time:
Minnesota, high school,
fake IDs.
You ain't 18 and you
don't have to lie to me.
You're probably
gonna get some anyway.
I am?
Hey, come on!
Off the car!
- ( chuckles )
- Jesus!
Sorry...
Oh, my boyfriend
goes to Yale.
I think that is just
too cool for school.
- Hey, listen--
- You know who goes there?
- Yale, I mean?
- Who?
Claire Danes.
- Do you know her?
- No.
Do you think
I look like her?
I mean,
not the hair, but...
Yeah, just like her.
I could get used
to the way that you talk to me.
I gotta get
outta here, you know?
I gotta get out
of this place, this life.
Where is Yale, anyway?
It's in Connecticut.
That's far enough.
...All day
Along come
a bottle of red wine
Gonna wash
my blues away
That's my excuse
For these
wasted blues...
- So you wanna
know how I got it?
- What?
The "what" you can't
take your eyes off.
How did you get it?
It's okay, you can tell me.
I'm studying to be a nurse.
- I love nurses.
- ( both chuckle )
Unbuckle those pants,
cowboy!
- ( unzips )
- Oh, finally.
Okay, so, I had
this dog Rinny.
And when my parents
had a baby,
Rinny got a little jealous,
ripped into me, teeth
and claws--
the whole antiseptic
hospital drama.
I knew my old man
was gonna kill him,
so I set Rinny free.
That's just about
the kindest thing
I have ever heard.
Well, I'm watching
him run.
And I look up
and see in the window
the reflection of my face.
So I figure, "Why should
this goddamn dog
get to run free
while I gotta walk around
looking like this?
Like fucking Quasimodo?"
So, I shot him...
in the eye.
Payback.
That's the story
of C.J. and the dog.
What?
Hey, maybe I could
come and visit you sometime,
you know, like you
promised last year.
Yeah, sure,
that'd be great.
Tomorrow?
I mean, we could just
try it out for a while
and see what happens.
C.J.:
Crush your head.
Hmm, crush your head.
Crush your head.
Spare you.
Cru--
- Hey, zipper face.
- Zipper face?
I can only assume
you're referring to me.
- What did you say to Denise?
- Who?
Don't "Who?"
The chick you freaked.
Did you grab her ass?
I would remember that,
wouldn't I?
No, I don't believe I did,
my fine...
corpulent friend.
Well, you sure as shit
did something 'cause
she said you--
Stop!
Please, you're about to say
what you think I did.
I'll deny it.
You'll say, "Why don't
we step outside?"
I'll say, "Okay."
Then out there,
macho around a little bit,
then you two
would kick my ass.
So why don't we just...
save ourselves the headache
and get it on right here?
Besides, anything
you may do to my face
would be an improvement.
So let's let
the games begin, bitches.
( both laughing )
( rock music playing )
( gasps )
Hey!
- Hey, go get him!
- Come on.
God damn it, C.J.!
Girl:
Friend of yours?
C.J.:
Oh, hi, gentlemen!
( rock music playing )
Oh, whoa.
Why don't we just
take it easy? Oh, shit!
Man #2:
Hit him!
Motherfucker, come on.
Men: Yeah!
( sighs )
C.J.
- Shit.
- ( zips pants )
I'll be right back.
We like rock
American style
We like rock
American style...
Hey, hey.
Hold up, hold on.
Come on! Come on, man!
Wild child,
she wants to -- you
Walk and hit
the ground, child
We like rock
American style
We like rock
American style...
Robby:
Scott, look out!
We like rock
American style
Scared to go
on top!
Oh yeah, yeah!
Jesus, C.J.,
always putting me in such
an awkward position.
Look, if it's
all right with you guys,
why don't we just--
why don't we just
pretend this whole thing
never happened, huh?
I mean, you guys look
like you're cool and...
Look, these guys
after a few brews, I know.
I know, they're--
they're jerks.
So, uh...
come on, guys.
Let's go.
- Let's go, go, go.
- ( slaps )
- Oh.
- Let's go.
Again, again,
really sorry.
He'll be okay.
- ( laughs ) Yeah!
- Man, that was beautiful!
Just keep walking.
Stop walking like that.
You guys didn't do anything
except almost get killed.
Christ, I can't
leave you two for a second.
C.J. and Robby:
Sorry, Dad.
Listen, there's
someone in the Saab.
- Cool.
- Someone?
Is this a sexless someone
or does this someone
have a sex?
Shut up.
Now I hope you two
will behave
and not be complete
slobbering zit factories.
- This sexless
someone has split?
- Huh?
- In the car.
- ( crowd yelling )
Oh shit, come on.
Go, go, go!
C.J.:
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Robby: Go, baby, go!
- So long, cheeseheads!
- And good night, Wisconsin!
- Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo!
That was beautiful!
We Eastwooded the joint!
Those clowns went down
like bowling pins, man.
Bap! Wah! Pah!
Whoo! Pah!
Hmm, the sexless someone
wears Chloe?
So why'd you start
the fight... this time?
Why do you always
think it's me, Scott?
- Because it always is?
- Oh, hey, hey,
so I'm sitting
in the bar,
and I look out
the window,
and I see this Saab
just swaying away
like a ship at sea.
Now tell me, what set
that Saab a-rockin'?
You know,
a Yale man doesn't
discuss such matters.
- Oh, we need details!
- Lurid details, Yalie.
I have details.
All right, for the first time
in my life, I have details!
She pins me against
the wall and sticks her tongue
halfway down my throat.
- I think I'm
gonna gag, but I--
- Very brave of you, my son.
And then without me
having to ask,
she drops down
to her knees and she--
( sighs )
she starts doing things I've
only seen on the internet, man.
Oh-oh-oh!
This night is gonna
be a classic, man!
A flat-out classic!
The last stand
of the Three Musketeers!
Ah, two and a half,
little brother.
Look, I don't
wanna get all "Felicity"
all over the place,
but I sincerely
want to thank you guys
for bringing me along
on your annual pilgrimage
to the wonderful land
of the fake IDs.
But I gotta say, C.J.,
man, one of these days...
One of these days what?
One of these days you're
gonna get us into something
Scott's not gonna
be able to get us out of.
Never gonna happen.
Not in a million,
jillion years.
Because Scott--
Scotty-- Scott-tay
is "the man,"
the man with the plan.
Ain't that right, Scooter?
- Take it easy.
- Hey, I'm easy.
I'm just saying--
Well, maybe you don't
say so much, okay?
How come
you keep lookin'?
There's this car
that's been behind us
the last couple miles.
- So what?
- They keep creeping up,
and backing off, okay?
It's weird.
It's big, that car.
I think this may be some
of my fans from the bar, huh?
- Oh, great!
- Just relax, okay? We don't
know who they are yet.
Robby:
Oh! A Cadillac
El Dorado, 1957.
Oh, man!
It's so tough!
I love that car!
I love that car
more than I love myself.
The car's
a goddamn dinosaur.
Yeah, a dinosaur that eats
Saabs for breakfast.
Oh, yeah, it's all
coming back to me now.
- What?
- The reason your ass
sits in the back.
( laughs )
Scott:
What the hell
are they doing?
( tires screech )
C.J.:
I guess they're not
fans of mine after all,
and I'm guiltless
at last.
Adios, Caddios!
Hey guys, I gotta
take a leak.
- Are you kidding?
- Dude, I never kid
about such matters.
Why didn't you
go at the bar?
Because I was too busy
trying not to get killed!
Well, just hold it
for a while.
I wanna put some miles
between us and that bar,
so just hold it.
Dude, I have been
holding it for a while,
silently,
uncomplainingly.
- Mute, like a martyr?
- Dude, if you guys don't
pull over right now,
I'll pee right here,
and let that be
on your conscience
- and your upholstery.
- ( yelling ) Whoo!
- Robby: Jesus!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Come on!
- Whoo!
- ( laughs )
- Come on, guys,
not the lake!
- Oh my God!
- Whoo!
( C.J. and Scott
continue yelling )
( engine chugging )
Whoo!
I don't wanna sound like
anyone's mom or bring
anybody down--
- I can't hear you.
- I'm just saying
and feel way free
to correct me if I'm wrong,
but this is
almost spring, right?
The ice can be very, very--
- Very, very what?!
- Thin!
Thin is what I'm saying,
very thin!
Whoo!
This is good, huh?
Fast enough?
Yes, fast enough.
This is way fast enough!
- ( gasping )
- ( chuckles )
Robby, I believe
you wanted to whiz.
- Whiz.
- ( chuckles )
( sighs in relief )
So...
tonight, man.
Yeah, I guess
this is it, huh?
I guess so.
So you're really
gonna do this?
Just get on
a tanker tomorrow?
- Tomorrow.
- And do what?
Just go up and down
the Great Lakes for like
three years?
Sounds really bleak, man.
Nah, not bleak.
Romantic.
- ( brief chuckle )
- Yeah, I'm gonna read
a lot of books, man.
Hemmingway, Jack London.
Swap lives with the crew,
write my novel.
Okay, all right,
or maybe I'll just
get drunk every night
and pass out
like my old man.
- Right.
- Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that sounds little
more realistic.
You came all the way from Yale
just to say goodbye?
A sorta goodbye.
More to celebrate
a rite of passage.
You know,
maybe we should--
nah, I don't know.
Talk about it.
- Talk about what?
- You know--
what was?
What happened?
What do you want
me to say?
Do I have to hold up
a cue card, man?
You know what I want
you to say.
( screaming )
Oh, shit.
I told you, Scott.
I told you it's too thin!
- ( gasping )
- ( ice crackling )
Holy shit.
- Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic.
- Okay.
All right, listen to me.
Listen to me.
Just get up real slow
on all fours.
Okay, just keep
moving, chief.
All right,
this should work.
- Should?
- Boy Scouts.
All right.
- Crawl over me.
- ( ice crackling loudly )
- Easy.
- Here we go.
You made it.
( Scott grunts )
- Whoo!
- All right.
Okay.
( groans )
Whoa.
Oh my God.
Oh my God,
you're unbelievable.
Thanks, you saved my life!
- You're my hero,
I swear to God.
- Hey, hey--
- don't get all gay, okay?
- Oh, right.
( loud cracking )
- Oh, shit!
- ( screaming )
Go, go, go!
Whoo!
- C.J.: Go, man, go!
- ( screeching ) Go!
C.J:
Keep it coming!
We're home free!
( wind whistling )
( engine chugs )
I wanna be a Kennedy...
How many more miles?
Oh, to the Minnesota line?
About 90.
You in a hurry?
- Sort of.
- For what?
( crunching candies )
( gasps )
Right.
Your future.
Yale.
Skull and bones.
- All that shit.
- Well, I have deep
concerns about my future.
You're in high school.
You don't have
a future yet.
He wasn't talking
about his future.
- He was talking
about his virginity.
- I was not!
Okay, I was.
My virginity haunts me.
Bullshit.
You wear your virginity
like a thorny crown.
See, that's one of those
things that you always say,
and it sounds like
it means something,
but it doesn't.
Robby, would you please
stop talking about
your virginity?
You know what Granddad
once said to me?
He said, "People equate
silence with brilliance,
and stillness with depth."
Yeah, uh-huh.
That reminds me
of what my grandfather
used to say.
"Tell your Grandmother
I'll be home just as soon
- as I get my Johnson
out of this heifer.
- ( both laugh )
...and stillness with depth.
Oh, busted.
Me get a DUI,
underage!
Shit! We're so
going to jail!
Scott:
No we're not, Robby.
As long as you don't break
into some sobby confession.
And C.J., just keep
your mouth shut.
We're not going
anywhere but home.
Good evening, Officer.
Is there a problem?
There sure is.
- ( sneezes )
- ( soft clink )
Bless you.
The problem is mine.
My cruiser,
it froze to death on me.
If I was in Oshkosh,
I'd have back up, but--
( chuckles )
- not out here.
- ( Scott chuckles )
Don't you have
a radio or something
to call for help?
Officer:
Well, I am the help
in this town.
How about a ride?
Come on, I'm freezing
my stones out here.
- ( officer grunts )
- ( door shuts )
Whoa, what a night.
( sighs )
Wind like that,
turn your head around.
( officer chuckles )
Officer:
There's a joint--
- ( clanks )
- about three miles
up the road.
Highway 50.
I'll call my brother.
- ( motor revs )
- Robby: Boy, it's cold
out there.
Hell, you can say
that again.
Coldest night on record
for this time of year
and my cruiser freezes
to death on me.
Officer:
I've got to be the only cop
in the universe
still driving an '86 Chevy.
- Charlie Harmon.
- Oh, Robby, Robby--
Robertson.
Yeah, so, you guys
from Minnesota?
Plates.
Well, welcome
to Wisconsin.
This is a nice car.
What kind of car is this?
It's a Saab.
A Saab 900S
- Whew!
Ain't she killer?
- Yeah.
So what brings you boys
to the dairy state?
We're...
on our high school
debate team.
- Oh.
- Yeah, we just got back
from quarterfinals of...
- The Midwest Regional--
- Debate-off.
- Oh.
- ( chuckles )
- How'd y'all do?
- Oh, uh, we won.
Yeah, and next week,
on to the semis.
- There you go.
- ( chuckles ) Whoo!
- Whoo!
- ( bottles clanking )
Where did those
come from?
You guys!
Have you been drinking?!
All right, everybody.
Knock it off.
"Debate-off."
( chuckles )
Look, you guys saved
my sorry ass tonight
and I'm off-duty,
so just relax, all right?
And you-- selling out
your pals,
you little weasel.
( laughs )
C.J.:
Yeah, you little dipstick.
Yeah,
nice brother you are.
So what did you boys
do tonight? Did you
go to the roadhouse?
Hey, how'd you
know that?
Son, I too
was once underage.
Did you get lucky?
Of course you did.
If you can't get lucky
at the roadhouse
you might as well snip
it off and mail it in.
Well technically,
I got lucky.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. See, I was
dancing with this one
and she had a really
thick bra strap, you know,
- which indicates, you know,
pendulousness.
- Mm.
And her bra,
it was black,
you know? Oh!
And everyone knows
what that means, huh?
- Bonesville.
- Exactly! Yeah!
That's what I thought,
you know. But, uh,
her breath, it wasn't perfect,
but I was willing to make
allowances.
I was just at the city limits
when C.J. got into a fight
and all roads
to Bonesville...
- ( blows raspberry )
blockaded.
- Mm.
What was the fight over?
I have a lot
of unresolved issues.
Charlie:
Did you fight too?
- Only when I'm with C.J.
- Yeah, I'm the fighter.
- Scott's the lover.
( snorts )
- Charlie: Mm.
Scott doesn't talk.
He's busy equating
silence with brilliance.
- That's smart.
- C.J.: Yeah.
What is that,
Pez?
( laughs )
I haven't seen
one of these since...
Well, it's either Pez
or junk, Charlie.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, your call.
( chuckles )
What's that smell?
Smells like perfume.
Say...
you boys...
you ain't kinda, you know,
"funny," are you?
( laughs )
- Huh?
- ( C.J. lisping )
You're hilarious, Chaz.
- Shit.
- ( laughing )
You've got something
there on your
nice, clean
letter jacket, Scott.
Looks like lipstick.
- Right there.
- Mm.
Charlie:
Mm.
Lipstick
on your dipstick
Told a tale on you.
( laughing )
- It's ketchup, okay?
- Uh-huh.
Well, we can't have
the Yale jacket
besmirched.
That looms large
in his legend.
My brother--
All-Ivy League Quarterback,
two years running, Yale.
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
The guys from the Browns
and Vikes are already
scouting him and Reebok--
Why don't we just pull
over and form a small
religion around the guy?
Maybe make him a shrine
of ice and call it
a night, huh?
Hey, look,
all I'm saying is...
it's more than
a letterman's jacket.
It's, uh...
- I don't know.
What would call it?
- Holy raiment.
Yeah, okay.
Look, all I'm saying
is my brother's never
lost at anything.
Anything.
We call it The Streak.
You want to take a right
up here on Cedar, Scott.
( Cadillac engine
rumbles )
I think those guys
are back.
Who?
( Cadillac engine revs )
They sure are friendly.
Scott:
What the hell's the deal
with this clown?
These guys friends
of yours?
Charlie, are they acting
like friends of ours?
C.J.:
You should've
slammed on your brakes,
- taught those
fuckers a lesson.
- That's nice language, son.
The language
comes with the face.
- Know what I'm saying?
- Sure do.
This is what comes
from the hunt.
You must have some issues
your own self, my friend.
I don't have issues.
- I don't sit
on things that long.
- How'd you get yours?
Me and my brother
were deer hunters,
but we don't use guns;
Bow and arrow,
in the name
of the sport.
Chuckles, how manly.
I hit this deer--
one shot, clean through
the heart.
I go to gut it,
but the buck has
life in him yet.
He swings his antler,
and the damned point
cuts me right here
and just goes--
whack!
I knew what
the old buck was thinking--
"heart for a heart."
That's the way
of things, isn't it?
- Yours?
- I got this Uncle Jimmy--
tripwire vet.
Crazy dude--
'Nam zombie.
Takes me trout-fishing
by moonlight.
He says
that's the best time.
What the hell
do I know?
So, dumb ass that I am,
standing too close,
Uncle Jimmy casts
and hooks me.
Freaked and pulled away
leaving half my face
on the line.
And that's the story
of me and Uncle Jimmy.
I call it "When You Wish
Upon a Scar."
The thing about a scar--
you shouldn't try
to hide it.
You know, wear it
like a badge.
That way, it takes on
a kind of beauty.
Chicks dig scars.
You find that
to be the case, C.J.?
- I'm gonna miss
you, Chuckster.
- ( laughs )
But I can't say when.
What the hell
are they doing?
Charlie, maybe you should
do something, being a cop
and all?
Oh man. I'm off-duty
and way too tired to deal
with jokers like this.
Just go around 'em.
Scott:
Well, so long, Caddy.
Have a nice life.
( engine rattling )
( softly )
Shit.
( engine revs )
- What do they want?
- What do you think
they want--
they want to drag.
You gonna give them
what they want?
( snorts )
With you in the car?
I think I'd like
to keep my license.
I told you,
I'm off-duty.
If it was me,
I'd kick their asses.
- ( Cadillac engine revs )
- You do what you want.
Come on, go for it.
Oh shit.
Jeep.
Jeep!
Very nice.
Hey, you want
me to drive, huh?
( tires screech )
- Why are we following them?
- I'm not following,
I'm losing.
Holy shit!
They're killing my Saab!
Who are these guys?
- Oh shit.
- Scott, back off.
- Scott, we gotta
get in that lane!
- C.J.: He's right this time.
Robby:
Scott!
- Jesus! Oh God!
- ( truck horn blaring )
( tires squeal )
( screams )
( whispers )
Holy shit.
Now that
was excellent!
Whoo!
Look at my goddamn
car, man.
Well, perhaps now
is a good time
to re-evaluate
your over-the-top
attachment to material
things.
( laughs )
I gotta hand it
to you, Scott,
you're one mean mother
behind the wheel.
Look what those crackers
did to my car.
I told you, Scott,
you don't mess
with the Caddy.
Sorry.
Whoa.
God. I tried
to call my brother.
The lines are down.
That's a bad storm!
Don't they
give you some kind
of walkie-talkie thing?
( chuckles )
Yeah, right.
We gotta get
to a phone.
- I'm gonna
call Mom and Dad.
- No, you're not.
Well, then you
call them.
I'm sure they'll listen
to Mr. All-State.
Hey, Robby, Dad can't
know about this.
That's death.
You know that.
Yeah, I know.
Charlie:
Must be tough being
the little brother.
Invisible in the light
of the hero?
Hey Charlie,
you talk
like you know us.
You don't know
anything,
so enough of the backwoods
psychiatry, okay?
- It's just making
things worse.
- ( sighs )
You had to come all the way
to Wisconsin to get laid?
They don't have girls
back at Yale?
Well, they do,
but they're all kind
of Jodie Foster-ish.
And my man Scott?
Well, he likes 'em
a little road-tested.
Is that the way
you like 'em, Scott?
A little dusty?
A little dirty?
( chuckles )
Charlie, what the hell
do you care?
Waitress:
Storm took the power.
Everybody out.
What the hell
is that?
Okay, what the hell
is this?
Well, it isn't fan mail.
Robby: Sin?
What sin?
Will find who out?
What the hell does
that mean?
It means Wisconsin is
getting too weird
and I really
really want to go home.
I'm just looking
for a ride down the road,
and I'm off-duty
so I don't make any
judgments, but...
what the hell
you boys been up to?
This shit ain't
coming off, man.
Did it just get darker?
( engine revs )
Robby:
Okay, let's deal
with it, huh?
What's "it"?
Who did what, and who
wrote that note?
The guys in the Caddy.
- It has to be.
- Okay, so who did what?
C.J.?
Well, I did sorta
make this one chick
leave it in her pants.
- What did you do?
- Chuckles--
I never do anything.
I just said some
stuff and this chick
got all geeked.
I mean, God--
Wisconsin chicks?
So sensitive.
I tried to have sex
with that girl back
at the bar.
Jesus, maybe she has
a big, mean boyfriend
or something, huh?
Jealousy--
it's a killer.
Oh God.
Yeah, great.
I come to Wisconsin
to get laid.
I don't get laid
and now I'm gonna get
killed for it.
Just calm down, Robby.
It's nobody's boyfriend.
This is just random shit.
The note is just a mind-game,
so just relax, okay?
I told you I'm gonna
get you home.
Okay.
( mockingly )
Gosh, Scotty,
I wish you were
my big brother too.
Where are we?
At the intersection,
take a left.
A couple of miles
and I'm out.
Anybody got any
breadcrumbs?
What is the deal?
( engine revs )
Charlie, that road
they're leaving open?
Does that get us
anywhere?
Sure.
Deeper into nowhere.
And Scott?
I'm off-duty
and I got a wife waiting.
Let's go.
You guys get the feeling
they're leading us somewhere?
Scott, given our lack
of choice here,
I suggest we take
what we're given.
Charlie, you're a cop.
What would you do?
Listen to C.J.
Take that road
and get us
the hell home.
- Charlie, let me
ask you a question.
- Shoot.
Why would I want to go
where they want me to?
Yee-haw!
Whoo!
Oh, that Caddy's history!
Scott, you da man!
Yeah!
Those mothers are toast!
Did I not tell you?
Did I not?
My brother, man,
he never loses.
Whoo!
The Streak lives!
- Ha-- ahh!!
- Oh, Jesus!
Robby:
G-go, Scott!
Go faster! God!
Oh, shit!
Scott!
- ( glass shatters )
- Scott: Oh, come on!
Why are they doing this?!
All right, now that we've
gotten our ya-ya's out,
pull over, I'm gonna
put a stop to this.
- Slow down, man.
- ( tires squeal )
Scott, back off!
Slow down, Scott!
Charlie:
Come on, now.
- C.J.: Scott, stop!
- Charlie: Look out!
( panting )
( sighs )
Oh shit.
These fucking guys!
Robby:
They're trying to kill us.
Oh Jesus, Scott,
they're trying to kill us.
I'm okay, by the way.
Why is this
happening to us?
I don't know why
this is happening.
I just wanted
a ride home.
They want us dead, Scott.
They don't want
us dead, Robby.
They want him.
Hey, Charlie.
How come you were so hot
for me to drag those guys
in the Caddy, huh?
And why didn't you
flash your badge
when we were sitting
back there?
You wanted to get away
from them, didn't you?
Jesus Christ, Scott.
What are you doing?
Look, before we
picked up Charlie,
nobody was trying
to run us off the road,
nobody was scratching
this spooky
biblical crap
on the windshield.
After we pick him up
there's nothing
but this shit.
They want you
for your sins.
Isn't that right,
Charlie?
C.J.:
Yeah, the message
on the windshield--
I'm not one to judge,
Chuckster,
but what'd you do?
( brief chuckle )
Hey, whatever it is...
you're not dragging us
down with you.
No.
You're going
back to Yale.
( laughs )
That's right, Charlie.
And you're staying here.
Come on, guys,
let's go.
Have you lost
your mind?
We can't just leave him
here for the Caddy
or the cold.
He's a cop.
Jesus, Scott-- a cop!
Here's a flash,
chief--
he's a bad cop.
and whatever bad-cop shit
he did to those guys
is between their ass
and his, and not mine.
Look, I say
we give him a ride.
It's just a couple
more miles.
This is not
a democracy.
- He stays.
- My young friends,
this is something
you're going to have
to live with.
We all have nights
where we're revealed.
This is yours.
Okay.
If I wanted to,
I could draw my weapon
and commandeer your car
and be down the road
in a second
and the law would be
on my side.
( Caddy rumbling )
( engine growing louder )
Come on,
get in the car!
Get in the goddamn
car, Robby!
- Come on, Robby.
- Go, go, go!
( gunshots )
- Jesus! They shot him!
- They killed him!
- Oh, shit.
- Scott, we should
have let him back in!
I know! We just have
to keep going--
get home.
Dude, home isn't
gonna fix this, Scott,
what we just did!
Listen, guys.
What we did, we had to do.
And now we're just
gonna have to walk
with it.
Dude, I am not walking
with it very well.
Look, it was him or us!
- I know.
- And now they got
who they wanted,
and we're done.
We're done with that Caddy.
It's over and we're
not gonna say another
word about this.
We're done talking
about it, all right?
I mean done.
Dude, it is not
done, Scott.
We gotta call the police.
He was a cop!
- Jesus, we let it happen!
- Scott: Robby!
Do you think those guys
in the Caddy are gonna
go to the police? No!
The police are never
gonna know anything
about us, all right?
Now, I don't know
who that guy was,
or why those guys
in the Caddy wanted
him dead,
but I do know that
I'm going back to Yale
and C.J.'s hopping
a tanker tomorrow,
I'm taking my
little brother home,
and we're never gonna
say another word about
any of this to anyone.
I'll get you home,
Robby.
Everyone in the car
that thinks the storm
did this,
raise your hand.
Where are they?
- Fuck.
- We can't go back,
we can't go forward.
We could take that road
that happens to be right
in front of the tree.
They're leading us
deeper into nowhere.
I'd rather be led
than caught.
Scott, this is
awfully romantic.
I know what I'm doing.
We'll wait
the bastards out.
Hey, kill the engine.
He can see our exhaust.
Just keep going, baby.
Just keep going.
I mean,
what do they want?
They got Charlie.
Witnesses.
They gotta get rid
of the witnesses.
- I didn't ask
to be a witness.
- Nobody ever does.
Man, I wonder
what Charlie did.
Whatever it was,
I hope it was
worth it.
Where the hell
are we?
( sighs )
We're so lost.
There's a map in the glove
compartment there.
No, no, no.
Come on, come on.
They'll see the light.
I got one of these
fluorescent tube
things in here.
Give me that.
Okay, the thing with maps
is they only help
if you have kind of
an idea where you are.
We have no idea
where we are.
C.J.:
Okay, well...
we'll look at the map,
find that really
spooky tree
we drove past
like three times
and then go left
to the rusted tractor
and then go to right
to that shack where
- I'm pretty sure
someone was killed.
- Look, will you shut up?
I'm trying to get us
out of here.
Where the hell
is the Minnesota line?
We're never getting
out of here.
Robby:
I can't feel
my feet.
- I can't feel my hands.
- Jesus Christ.
But, really,
I really don't want
to die here.
I mean, I really
don't want to die,
but really not here.
Robby, will you keep
this shit to yourself?
I was hoping
maybe by the time
I graduated
- there would
be this girl.
- Oh man.
You know, I can
almost see her face.
This girl
who would love me...
without me having
to say anything.
And her laugh would
echo down the hall
after math.
I heard people
can have this thing
happen to them--
a moment that changes
their lives forever.
I always hoped
I'd have one of those,
so I didn't
have to be...
- so me.
- Nobody wants to be
who they are, man.
God, we all have
shit inside of us
that we wish we didn't.
But we do.
And there's nothing
we can do about that,
I mean--
I don't think we can
change that stuff.
So what's the best
we can hope for?
Forgiveness.
Well, that doesn't
come so easy.
Robby:
You know what's weird?
The last time we saw
that Caddy,
I think I saw a girl
in the back seat.
- Really?
- But I couldn't
see her face so good.
It's "well," okay?
You couldn't see
her face so well.
God, I hate it
when people do that--
good instead of well.
It's like when
bad teachers ask you
"Is there any questions?"
It's "Are there
any questions?"
I fucking hate that.
Look, I've been thinking
about that note--
on the windshield?
Then Charlie.
Why after they kill him,
are they still
trying to kill us?
C.J. was right.
It's because we're
witnesses.
Yeah, I know,
but why haven't they
done it already?
You know,
they could have,
back there when we were
sitting by the tree.
You know, they seem
to be leading us someplace.
Why?
To where?
Maybe they keep
coming back because
they killed
the wrong guy.
( scoffs )
Robby, man,
you are eating brain.
And that note--
about sins?
Maybe it wasn't Charlie's sin
they were after.
You know, maybe
it was meant for us.
One of us.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, blame C.J.
The ever-handy Judas.
I called two guys
in a bar "fat."
They kill you
for that?
I don't think so,
which brings us back
to you, Roberta.
- Me?
- Yeah!
Maybe while your friend
was smoking your bone
in the back room
her gap-toothed old man
was plotting your
castration.
Then why hasn't
he done it already?
You know, I think--
I don't know, I think
it's something bigger
than that.
C.J.:
And Scott, my man,
you're being awfully
quiet over there.
How were things
in the parking lot
with the sexless someone?
- Don't worry about it.
- Actually, I am starting
to worry.
Don't shift
the heat on me, man.
When the shit tumbles,
it's you in the middle.
Oh, yeah, and you're
so innocent?
Mr. Skull-and-Bones?
C.J., you're really
starting to get on
my fucking nerves.
Oh, I know.
It must be so
draining...
stuck in this car,
sitting here all night,
staring at this face--
this same old face!
Fuck you, man!
God damn you.
- What the hell was that?
- Grace under pressure.
- Can I ask you
a personal question?
- No.
How'd you get
the scar?
The squeaky voice
in the back seat asked
out of the blue.
I've heard all
of your stories.
If I told you...
it'd just be one more.
( Scott screams )
God damn it! Shit!
Oh my God!
Oh God,
are you okay?
- Robby: Scott?
- Where are you, man?
What the--
What?
There's-- ( gasping )
there's something dead
under there.
It's Charlie.
- No, man, it can't be.
He's miles behind us.
- Is he?
We've been driving
around lost for an hour.
( all panting )
There's only one way
to find out.
I'm not a huge fan
of finding out, by the way.
It's an animal.
( laughs )
It's a cow.
It's a frozen cow!
It's a cowsicle.
How much do you think
that thing weighs?
Weighs?
A lot, why?
- ( all grunting )
- Scott: And pull!
Pull!
C.J.:
Man, if you would've
told me this afternoon
while I was watching
"Hitler's Henchmen"
that I'd be
doing this tonight,
I'd say, "Where'd
you get the 'shrooms
and have you got
any more for me?"
- Come on.
- Okay.
Scott:
Come on, guys, pull!
- Robby: This is genius.
- C.J.: Yeah.
We bury old Bossy
here in a mogul,
then we lead those
Caddy sons of bitches
right into her,
all one-ton-frozen-
dead-ass rock of her.
and we are
as good as home.
You know, I've sorta been
going over my top 10 sins.
Please don't feel
compelled to share.
One time, I jerked off
in the boys' locker room
after swim practice--
- Oh, come on.
- when I caught
just a little shot
of Kim Ward's "beave."
I don't suppose
the guys in the Caddy
could have known that, huh?
No, but if they catch us,
I'm gonna sing
like a canary.
( C.J. coughs )
I made love
with Miss Collier.
- The English teacher?
- Yeah, freshman year.
Details.
She told me to stay after class
one night because...
I didn't understand
gerundive phrases.
So I do,
but all I can do
is watch her--
cross and uncross
her legs
while she's sort of
explaining stuff to me.
And the next thing
you know she's crying.
Crying?
Right there in school?
Yeah, about how lousy
her life was,
what a jerk
her husband is.
And the only way I can figure
to make her stop crying
is by kissing her.
Well, the next thing
you know, I'm laying
on her living room floor
staring at the ceiling
while she's doing everything.
And all I'm doing...
is falling
in love with her.
Oh come on, get out.
You would have told me.
I don't tell you
everything, Scott.
All right.
Let's go get 'em.
- Whoo-hoo!
- C.J.: Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
( engine revving )
Smoke signals.
( laughing )
How do you spell
"Come and get us, you greasy
murderous pig bastards"?
I think we lost them.
Can we go home now?
( engine rumbling )
Just like Pavlov's puppy.
- Okay, let's go.
- Scott: Wait, wait, wait.
Let's just
reel them in.
( engine revs )
- Well, can we go now?
- Not yet.
- Now!
- ( engine racing )
Shit! Get out!
Push! Get out!
Come on! Go, go!
( engine roars )
- Robby, come on, man, push!
- I am pushing!
- ( engine roars )
- Push!
- ( tires spin )
- Come on!
Come on!
Let's go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
- I've got them.
- ( glass shatters )
Shit.
Scott:
Oh, shit. Shit.
- What?
- Scott: Which one?
- Which one what?
- Which one with the cow?
- Which mogul?
- Are you kidding me?!
- Look, I can't tell.
- That one.
- Are you sure?
- No. Yes.
No.
Ho!
( laughs )
It worked!
- Yeah!
- ( all cheering )
( all laughing )
Yeah! Game over, man!
Yeah!
( hooting )
Game over,
sons of bitches.
Scott:
Come on, Robby.
Let's go!
Get in the car!
I told you, Robby.
I'm gonna get you home.
Minnesota,
here we come.
What?
I saw that girl
in the back.
- There was no girl.
- Yeah, there was a girl.
She's down there
in the snow.
She was just going along
for the ride, I bet.
Now she's dead
with the rest of them.
A girl, man, a girl.
You talk about sin.
What sin?
She was riding
with those goons, okay?
She's probably a stone killer
just like the rest of them.
Jesus, Robby.
You think that
all girls are innocent
just because
they're girls.
Man, this night
is confusing.
Very confusing.
- ( sputtering )
- ( dings )
Shit.
- We're overheating.
- It's like 20 million below--
We're over-fucking-heating!
God damn it.
( sighs )
Oh God.
What the hell
are we gonna do?
Pack the radiator with snow.
( chuckles )
Roberto?
You are
a goddamn marvel.
From the depths of despair
flies genius,
hmm, a phoenix
from the ashes.
( sizzling )
Hey uh, you, lad,
have earned
shotgun status.
Now you are
a man, my son.
Let's go.
( engine sputters,
roars )
( sputtering )
( dings )
That's not
supposed to happen...
is it?
The back seat beckons.
Look, just
pull over, okay?
- Pull over.
- I'm sick of pulling over.
- Dude, we gotta pull over.
- Look, it's my car.
I know what she can do.
I'm not pulling over.
We're going home.
- Enough of this
pulling-over crap.
- You can crack your block.
- I'm not pulling over!
- If you crack your block,
this Saab dies!
And so do we. Is that where
you're going with this line
of thinking, Roberto?
- That exactly where I'm going.
- Pull over.
- Stop telling me what to do.
- Who are you, The Car Czar?
- Yeah, you bet I am.
- Not anymore!
- Maybe you'd like to do
something about it?
- Maybe he would!
- Maybe he'd like to kick
your fucking ass!
- I would?
- Why not?
- I think you wanna
kick his fucking ass.
Yeah, why don't you
ask your brother why
I wanna kick his fucking ass?
- Okay, Scott, why does C.J.
wanna kick your fucking ass?
- How the fuck do I know?
Oh, you know!
You fuckin' know!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, yeah!
( mimics )
"I know my car, man!
- I know what she can do."
- I'm so fucking sick
of you, man!
You and your fucking anger
and your loser old man
and your fucking
broken-down old woman,
and your nowhere
fucking future!
And fuck you!
Fuck you and your old man's
money and your fucking Saab,
and your mom's martinis
and your fucking "boola boola"
future, and fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Look, stop it!
Come on,
knock it off!
Cut it out!
Get off him!
- Get off him!
- Get off me, you punk!
C.J.:
Oh my God!
Scott, stop!
Hey, hey!
Fucking stop!
Stop that!
Fuck you, Scott!
Really, fuck you!
You were right, man.
Shit don't change.
Scott:
What do you
want me to say?
Sorry.
Come on, man,
I said I'm sorry.
Will you say something?
- Say something.
- Just don't talk to me.
From now on,
you wanna say something,
you say it to C.J.
Hey! Hey!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoa!
Whoo, come on,
guys, go!
C.J.:
Thank you, Robby.
So I wanna know.
How I got the scar.
- This isn't exactly the time--
- Did I or didn't I make
it clear, Scott?
You don't exist!
Now how did you
get the scar?
How I got the scar?
Well, there was
this Bengalese tiger
that escaped from the zoo--
Shut up, man!
Tell me the truth!
We're not talking
about this, okay?
Oh, and who are you now,
The Conversation Czar?
I should shut up
because you tell me to?
I always do what
you tell me to, Scott.
"Robby, shut up."
"Robby, get in the back seat."
"Robby, just disappear
in the brilliance
of my All-State
big-brother-ness
and just stop being!"
Fuck!
Now we're
really fucked!
- What?
- I'm outta Pez.
I need sugar.
Pronto.
Got any money?
It's in my jacket there.
( snow crunching )
Oh, you suck.
( girl screams )
Oh, shit.
Come on, come on.
So it's C.J. they wanted--
the whole time!
Oh, C.J.
Go, come on.
( dinging )
Shit.
( sputtering )
Dude, back off!
She's gonna blow.
Come on, it's gonna blow.
Back off.
Ease up, Scott!
Come on, listen to me
this one time.
Back off.
God damn it!
Shit! Come on, Scott!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Come on, man!
Come on, Scott!
Okay, come on.
Oh, Jesus.
( gasps )
Oh my God.
C.J.
They killed him.
( sobbing )
Oh, Jesus,
they killed him.
Oh, Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus.
Shit.
A deer, man.
They killed a deer.
Oh, Jesus.
What the hell
did they do to you?
Scott, Robby,
you guys gotta
get outta here.
Not without you.
( echoing yell )
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
We're here!
What are you waiting for?
Huh?
Let's go!
Oh shit.
( grunting )
Did I not tell you
a night like this can
turn your head around?
Turn your life around,
change a man,
like one of you boys
changed me.
Meet my brother Luther.
Look what
you did to C.J.
- Don't you wanna know why?
- There is no fucking why,
Charlie,
- and I wouldn't
give a shit if there was.
- You're getting awfully close.
Luther.
Tonight I went
looking for my wife.
And I find her
at the roadhouse
where I figure she's been
hooking up with another man.
But it wasn't another man,
it was a boy.
Jeannine!
Oh shit.
- Charlie, I have
something to say--
- No, you don't.
So I find
my little queenie
putting on her
pretty little panties
in the back of a Saab.
A burgundy Saab.
So before I kill somebody,
I gotta make sure.
Which one of you
in that car took my wife?
Took my life from me?
She didn't name names,
bless her little heart.
( chuckles )
That's why I got in your car,
I wanted to watch you boys
behind a wheel.
And Robby,
when I smelled my wife
on your brother's jacket...
well, game over.
Tonight could have been
a dream come true.
If I had just gotten
ol' Mr. Cream-Jeans here alone,
I thought I'd done it too,
but then zipper face,
he goes and puts on
the wrong damn jacket
at the wrong damn time.
So we had
to use him as bait.
Do us a little
ice fishing.
And lo and behold,
we caught ourselves a couple
of Minnesota dickless perch.
( laughing )
Too small to keep,
you know
what I'm saying?
You know
what I'm saying?
Jesus, son.
What the fuck
did I ever do to you?
You take my wife,
you take
my life from me.
You took my life.
Now I take yours.
Eye for an eye,
a heart for a heart.
Charlie, stop it!
- Just stop it!
- You shut up!
Or what? What are you
gonna do to me that you
ain't already done?
- Get back in the car.
- What, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna kick
the shit outta me again?
Are you gonna kill me
after you kill him?
- Maybe.
- Well, aren't you tough?
Get back
in the fucking car!
Run!
Come on, C.J., Scott!
Come on!
Come on, C.J.,
are you okay?
Are you okay?
Come on.
I should have done this
on our honeymoon!
Come on, come on.
( engine roars )
Whoa!
Go! Go!
Go, guys!
Go, come on!
- Hang on!
- Let's go!
- Scott: Run!
- Robby: Come on, guys!
We've gotta run!
Look out!
- C.J.: Oh, shit! Go, go, go!
- Scott, where are you going?
Oh my God!
- Run, Scott!
- They're gonna get him!
C.J./Robby:
Run, Scott!
C.J.:
Scotty, go!
( windshield shatters )
Come on.
Oh, Jesus.
Hang on.
( Scott screams )
Let's go.
Are you okay?
C.J.:
Come on, come on, come on.
Robby:
Come on, Scott, go!
Come on!
Oh shit!
( engine roars )
Thus endeth the streak.
( engine revving )
Shit, I can't--
I can't walk
on that leg.
Sit right here.
Here, I got you.
Okay?
Shit.
Easy.
Oh God.
I gotta make
a tourniquet.
Hang on,
I'll be right back.
Scott.
Put it underneath.
- C.J.: Are you all right?
- Yeah.
Careful.
Okay.
Pull it tight.
- Oh, fuck.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- Okay.
So we were
in eighth grade
and just--
just wrestling around.
I was...
losing...
to runty
Crockett James.
And I got so mad
I just started swinging.
I think it was
your mom's gardening hoe.
Scott:
It happened so fast.
I just...
swung at his face.
- The gash was all deep.
- C.J.: Hospital deep.
The blood just
kept on coming.
I couldn't even see.
All over Dad's lawn
and his perfect
Japanese grass.
I kinda liked that part.
Yeah, me too.
We told everybody
it was an accident.
C.J.:
We were riding
our bikes.
But it wasn't an accident.
Oh no. No, it wasn't.
That's who I am, Robby.
No one's anyone
forever, man.
Come on, guys.
Let's go home.
Jeannine.
Come on.
C.J.:
Oh, hello, Minnesota
and good night,
Wisconsin!
( flute music playing )
( car door slams )
( engine sputtering )
( engine revving )
( tires screeching )
- ( crowd chanting )
Chug! Chug! Chug!
- ( country music playing )
( chanting continues )
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Ain't that a man, huh?!
Whoo!
( belches )
She let her hair
hang down
She's been
out on the town
I think she's
fooling around...
So, how old are you
anyway, Billy?
Oh, it's Robby,
actually.
Robby Katzen,
but you can call me
Billy if you want.
- And I'm 20.
- 20?
( forced laugh )
So what do you do?
- You work, you go
to school or what?
- I go to school.
- High school?
- College.
- Bullshit.
- No, it's not
bullshit at all.
As a matter of fact,
I currently attend
the University of Minnesota.
Look, you don't have
to bullshit me, you know?
I see guys like you
in here all the time:
Minnesota, high school,
fake IDs.
You ain't 18 and you
don't have to lie to me.
You're probably
gonna get some anyway.
I am?
Hey, come on!
Off the car!
- ( chuckles )
- Jesus!
Sorry...
Oh, my boyfriend
goes to Yale.
I think that is just
too cool for school.
- Hey, listen--
- You know who goes there?
- Yale, I mean?
- Who?
Claire Danes.
- Do you know her?
- No.
Do you think
I look like her?
I mean,
not the hair, but...
Yeah, just like her.
I could get used
to the way that you talk to me.
I gotta get
outta here, you know?
I gotta get out
of this place, this life.
Where is Yale, anyway?
It's in Connecticut.
That's far enough.
...All day
Along come
a bottle of red wine
Gonna wash
my blues away
That's my excuse
For these
wasted blues...
- So you wanna
know how I got it?
- What?
The "what" you can't
take your eyes off.
How did you get it?
It's okay, you can tell me.
I'm studying to be a nurse.
- I love nurses.
- ( both chuckle )
Unbuckle those pants,
cowboy!
- ( unzips )
- Oh, finally.
Okay, so, I had
this dog Rinny.
And when my parents
had a baby,
Rinny got a little jealous,
ripped into me, teeth
and claws--
the whole antiseptic
hospital drama.
I knew my old man
was gonna kill him,
so I set Rinny free.
That's just about
the kindest thing
I have ever heard.
Well, I'm watching
him run.
And I look up
and see in the window
the reflection of my face.
So I figure, "Why should
this goddamn dog
get to run free
while I gotta walk around
looking like this?
Like fucking Quasimodo?"
So, I shot him...
in the eye.
Payback.
That's the story
of C.J. and the dog.
What?
Hey, maybe I could
come and visit you sometime,
you know, like you
promised last year.
Yeah, sure,
that'd be great.
Tomorrow?
I mean, we could just
try it out for a while
and see what happens.
C.J.:
Crush your head.
Hmm, crush your head.
Crush your head.
Spare you.
Cru--
- Hey, zipper face.
- Zipper face?
I can only assume
you're referring to me.
- What did you say to Denise?
- Who?
Don't "Who?"
The chick you freaked.
Did you grab her ass?
I would remember that,
wouldn't I?
No, I don't believe I did,
my fine...
corpulent friend.
Well, you sure as shit
did something 'cause
she said you--
Stop!
Please, you're about to say
what you think I did.
I'll deny it.
You'll say, "Why don't
we step outside?"
I'll say, "Okay."
Then out there,
macho around a little bit,
then you two
would kick my ass.
So why don't we just...
save ourselves the headache
and get it on right here?
Besides, anything
you may do to my face
would be an improvement.
So let's let
the games begin, bitches.
( both laughing )
( rock music playing )
( gasps )
Hey!
- Hey, go get him!
- Come on.
God damn it, C.J.!
Girl:
Friend of yours?
C.J.:
Oh, hi, gentlemen!
( rock music playing )
Oh, whoa.
Why don't we just
take it easy? Oh, shit!
Man #2:
Hit him!
Motherfucker, come on.
Men: Yeah!
( sighs )
C.J.
- Shit.
- ( zips pants )
I'll be right back.
We like rock
American style
We like rock
American style...
Hey, hey.
Hold up, hold on.
Come on! Come on, man!
Wild child,
she wants to -- you
Walk and hit
the ground, child
We like rock
American style
We like rock
American style...
Robby:
Scott, look out!
We like rock
American style
Scared to go
on top!
Oh yeah, yeah!
Jesus, C.J.,
always putting me in such
an awkward position.
Look, if it's
all right with you guys,
why don't we just--
why don't we just
pretend this whole thing
never happened, huh?
I mean, you guys look
like you're cool and...
Look, these guys
after a few brews, I know.
I know, they're--
they're jerks.
So, uh...
come on, guys.
Let's go.
- Let's go, go, go.
- ( slaps )
- Oh.
- Let's go.
Again, again,
really sorry.
He'll be okay.
- ( laughs ) Yeah!
- Man, that was beautiful!
Just keep walking.
Stop walking like that.
You guys didn't do anything
except almost get killed.
Christ, I can't
leave you two for a second.
C.J. and Robby:
Sorry, Dad.
Listen, there's
someone in the Saab.
- Cool.
- Someone?
Is this a sexless someone
or does this someone
have a sex?
Shut up.
Now I hope you two
will behave
and not be complete
slobbering zit factories.
- This sexless
someone has split?
- Huh?
- In the car.
- ( crowd yelling )
Oh shit, come on.
Go, go, go!
C.J.:
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Robby: Go, baby, go!
- So long, cheeseheads!
- And good night, Wisconsin!
- Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo!
That was beautiful!
We Eastwooded the joint!
Those clowns went down
like bowling pins, man.
Bap! Wah! Pah!
Whoo! Pah!
Hmm, the sexless someone
wears Chloe?
So why'd you start
the fight... this time?
Why do you always
think it's me, Scott?
- Because it always is?
- Oh, hey, hey,
so I'm sitting
in the bar,
and I look out
the window,
and I see this Saab
just swaying away
like a ship at sea.
Now tell me, what set
that Saab a-rockin'?
You know,
a Yale man doesn't
discuss such matters.
- Oh, we need details!
- Lurid details, Yalie.
I have details.
All right, for the first time
in my life, I have details!
She pins me against
the wall and sticks her tongue
halfway down my throat.
- I think I'm
gonna gag, but I--
- Very brave of you, my son.
And then without me
having to ask,
she drops down
to her knees and she--
( sighs )
she starts doing things I've
only seen on the internet, man.
Oh-oh-oh!
This night is gonna
be a classic, man!
A flat-out classic!
The last stand
of the Three Musketeers!
Ah, two and a half,
little brother.
Look, I don't
wanna get all "Felicity"
all over the place,
but I sincerely
want to thank you guys
for bringing me along
on your annual pilgrimage
to the wonderful land
of the fake IDs.
But I gotta say, C.J.,
man, one of these days...
One of these days what?
One of these days you're
gonna get us into something
Scott's not gonna
be able to get us out of.
Never gonna happen.
Not in a million,
jillion years.
Because Scott--
Scotty-- Scott-tay
is "the man,"
the man with the plan.
Ain't that right, Scooter?
- Take it easy.
- Hey, I'm easy.
I'm just saying--
Well, maybe you don't
say so much, okay?
How come
you keep lookin'?
There's this car
that's been behind us
the last couple miles.
- So what?
- They keep creeping up,
and backing off, okay?
It's weird.
It's big, that car.
I think this may be some
of my fans from the bar, huh?
- Oh, great!
- Just relax, okay? We don't
know who they are yet.
Robby:
Oh! A Cadillac
El Dorado, 1957.
Oh, man!
It's so tough!
I love that car!
I love that car
more than I love myself.
The car's
a goddamn dinosaur.
Yeah, a dinosaur that eats
Saabs for breakfast.
Oh, yeah, it's all
coming back to me now.
- What?
- The reason your ass
sits in the back.
( laughs )
Scott:
What the hell
are they doing?
( tires screech )
C.J.:
I guess they're not
fans of mine after all,
and I'm guiltless
at last.
Adios, Caddios!
Hey guys, I gotta
take a leak.
- Are you kidding?
- Dude, I never kid
about such matters.
Why didn't you
go at the bar?
Because I was too busy
trying not to get killed!
Well, just hold it
for a while.
I wanna put some miles
between us and that bar,
so just hold it.
Dude, I have been
holding it for a while,
silently,
uncomplainingly.
- Mute, like a martyr?
- Dude, if you guys don't
pull over right now,
I'll pee right here,
and let that be
on your conscience
- and your upholstery.
- ( yelling ) Whoo!
- Robby: Jesus!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Come on!
- Whoo!
- ( laughs )
- Come on, guys,
not the lake!
- Oh my God!
- Whoo!
( C.J. and Scott
continue yelling )
( engine chugging )
Whoo!
I don't wanna sound like
anyone's mom or bring
anybody down--
- I can't hear you.
- I'm just saying
and feel way free
to correct me if I'm wrong,
but this is
almost spring, right?
The ice can be very, very--
- Very, very what?!
- Thin!
Thin is what I'm saying,
very thin!
Whoo!
This is good, huh?
Fast enough?
Yes, fast enough.
This is way fast enough!
- ( gasping )
- ( chuckles )
Robby, I believe
you wanted to whiz.
- Whiz.
- ( chuckles )
( sighs in relief )
So...
tonight, man.
Yeah, I guess
this is it, huh?
I guess so.
So you're really
gonna do this?
Just get on
a tanker tomorrow?
- Tomorrow.
- And do what?
Just go up and down
the Great Lakes for like
three years?
Sounds really bleak, man.
Nah, not bleak.
Romantic.
- ( brief chuckle )
- Yeah, I'm gonna read
a lot of books, man.
Hemmingway, Jack London.
Swap lives with the crew,
write my novel.
Okay, all right,
or maybe I'll just
get drunk every night
and pass out
like my old man.
- Right.
- Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that sounds little
more realistic.
You came all the way from Yale
just to say goodbye?
A sorta goodbye.
More to celebrate
a rite of passage.
You know,
maybe we should--
nah, I don't know.
Talk about it.
- Talk about what?
- You know--
what was?
What happened?
What do you want
me to say?
Do I have to hold up
a cue card, man?
You know what I want
you to say.
( screaming )
Oh, shit.
I told you, Scott.
I told you it's too thin!
- ( gasping )
- ( ice crackling )
Holy shit.
- Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic.
- Okay.
All right, listen to me.
Listen to me.
Just get up real slow
on all fours.
Okay, just keep
moving, chief.
All right,
this should work.
- Should?
- Boy Scouts.
All right.
- Crawl over me.
- ( ice crackling loudly )
- Easy.
- Here we go.
You made it.
( Scott grunts )
- Whoo!
- All right.
Okay.
( groans )
Whoa.
Oh my God.
Oh my God,
you're unbelievable.
Thanks, you saved my life!
- You're my hero,
I swear to God.
- Hey, hey--
- don't get all gay, okay?
- Oh, right.
( loud cracking )
- Oh, shit!
- ( screaming )
Go, go, go!
Whoo!
- C.J.: Go, man, go!
- ( screeching ) Go!
C.J:
Keep it coming!
We're home free!
( wind whistling )
( engine chugs )
I wanna be a Kennedy...
How many more miles?
Oh, to the Minnesota line?
About 90.
You in a hurry?
- Sort of.
- For what?
( crunching candies )
( gasps )
Right.
Your future.
Yale.
Skull and bones.
- All that shit.
- Well, I have deep
concerns about my future.
You're in high school.
You don't have
a future yet.
He wasn't talking
about his future.
- He was talking
about his virginity.
- I was not!
Okay, I was.
My virginity haunts me.
Bullshit.
You wear your virginity
like a thorny crown.
See, that's one of those
things that you always say,
and it sounds like
it means something,
but it doesn't.
Robby, would you please
stop talking about
your virginity?
You know what Granddad
once said to me?
He said, "People equate
silence with brilliance,
and stillness with depth."
Yeah, uh-huh.
That reminds me
of what my grandfather
used to say.
"Tell your Grandmother
I'll be home just as soon
- as I get my Johnson
out of this heifer.
- ( both laugh )
...and stillness with depth.
Oh, busted.
Me get a DUI,
underage!
Shit! We're so
going to jail!
Scott:
No we're not, Robby.
As long as you don't break
into some sobby confession.
And C.J., just keep
your mouth shut.
We're not going
anywhere but home.
Good evening, Officer.
Is there a problem?
There sure is.
- ( sneezes )
- ( soft clink )
Bless you.
The problem is mine.
My cruiser,
it froze to death on me.
If I was in Oshkosh,
I'd have back up, but--
( chuckles )
- not out here.
- ( Scott chuckles )
Don't you have
a radio or something
to call for help?
Officer:
Well, I am the help
in this town.
How about a ride?
Come on, I'm freezing
my stones out here.
- ( officer grunts )
- ( door shuts )
Whoa, what a night.
( sighs )
Wind like that,
turn your head around.
( officer chuckles )
Officer:
There's a joint--
- ( clanks )
- about three miles
up the road.
Highway 50.
I'll call my brother.
- ( motor revs )
- Robby: Boy, it's cold
out there.
Hell, you can say
that again.
Coldest night on record
for this time of year
and my cruiser freezes
to death on me.
Officer:
I've got to be the only cop
in the universe
still driving an '86 Chevy.
- Charlie Harmon.
- Oh, Robby, Robby--
Robertson.
Yeah, so, you guys
from Minnesota?
Plates.
Well, welcome
to Wisconsin.
This is a nice car.
What kind of car is this?
It's a Saab.
A Saab 900S
- Whew!
Ain't she killer?
- Yeah.
So what brings you boys
to the dairy state?
We're...
on our high school
debate team.
- Oh.
- Yeah, we just got back
from quarterfinals of...
- The Midwest Regional--
- Debate-off.
- Oh.
- ( chuckles )
- How'd y'all do?
- Oh, uh, we won.
Yeah, and next week,
on to the semis.
- There you go.
- ( chuckles ) Whoo!
- Whoo!
- ( bottles clanking )
Where did those
come from?
You guys!
Have you been drinking?!
All right, everybody.
Knock it off.
"Debate-off."
( chuckles )
Look, you guys saved
my sorry ass tonight
and I'm off-duty,
so just relax, all right?
And you-- selling out
your pals,
you little weasel.
( laughs )
C.J.:
Yeah, you little dipstick.
Yeah,
nice brother you are.
So what did you boys
do tonight? Did you
go to the roadhouse?
Hey, how'd you
know that?
Son, I too
was once underage.
Did you get lucky?
Of course you did.
If you can't get lucky
at the roadhouse
you might as well snip
it off and mail it in.
Well technically,
I got lucky.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. See, I was
dancing with this one
and she had a really
thick bra strap, you know,
- which indicates, you know,
pendulousness.
- Mm.
And her bra,
it was black,
you know? Oh!
And everyone knows
what that means, huh?
- Bonesville.
- Exactly! Yeah!
That's what I thought,
you know. But, uh,
her breath, it wasn't perfect,
but I was willing to make
allowances.
I was just at the city limits
when C.J. got into a fight
and all roads
to Bonesville...
- ( blows raspberry )
blockaded.
- Mm.
What was the fight over?
I have a lot
of unresolved issues.
Charlie:
Did you fight too?
- Only when I'm with C.J.
- Yeah, I'm the fighter.
- Scott's the lover.
( snorts )
- Charlie: Mm.
Scott doesn't talk.
He's busy equating
silence with brilliance.
- That's smart.
- C.J.: Yeah.
What is that,
Pez?
( laughs )
I haven't seen
one of these since...
Well, it's either Pez
or junk, Charlie.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, your call.
( chuckles )
What's that smell?
Smells like perfume.
Say...
you boys...
you ain't kinda, you know,
"funny," are you?
( laughs )
- Huh?
- ( C.J. lisping )
You're hilarious, Chaz.
- Shit.
- ( laughing )
You've got something
there on your
nice, clean
letter jacket, Scott.
Looks like lipstick.
- Right there.
- Mm.
Charlie:
Mm.
Lipstick
on your dipstick
Told a tale on you.
( laughing )
- It's ketchup, okay?
- Uh-huh.
Well, we can't have
the Yale jacket
besmirched.
That looms large
in his legend.
My brother--
All-Ivy League Quarterback,
two years running, Yale.
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
The guys from the Browns
and Vikes are already
scouting him and Reebok--
Why don't we just pull
over and form a small
religion around the guy?
Maybe make him a shrine
of ice and call it
a night, huh?
Hey, look,
all I'm saying is...
it's more than
a letterman's jacket.
It's, uh...
- I don't know.
What would call it?
- Holy raiment.
Yeah, okay.
Look, all I'm saying
is my brother's never
lost at anything.
Anything.
We call it The Streak.
You want to take a right
up here on Cedar, Scott.
( Cadillac engine
rumbles )
I think those guys
are back.
Who?
( Cadillac engine revs )
They sure are friendly.
Scott:
What the hell's the deal
with this clown?
These guys friends
of yours?
Charlie, are they acting
like friends of ours?
C.J.:
You should've
slammed on your brakes,
- taught those
fuckers a lesson.
- That's nice language, son.
The language
comes with the face.
- Know what I'm saying?
- Sure do.
This is what comes
from the hunt.
You must have some issues
your own self, my friend.
I don't have issues.
- I don't sit
on things that long.
- How'd you get yours?
Me and my brother
were deer hunters,
but we don't use guns;
Bow and arrow,
in the name
of the sport.
Chuckles, how manly.
I hit this deer--
one shot, clean through
the heart.
I go to gut it,
but the buck has
life in him yet.
He swings his antler,
and the damned point
cuts me right here
and just goes--
whack!
I knew what
the old buck was thinking--
"heart for a heart."
That's the way
of things, isn't it?
- Yours?
- I got this Uncle Jimmy--
tripwire vet.
Crazy dude--
'Nam zombie.
Takes me trout-fishing
by moonlight.
He says
that's the best time.
What the hell
do I know?
So, dumb ass that I am,
standing too close,
Uncle Jimmy casts
and hooks me.
Freaked and pulled away
leaving half my face
on the line.
And that's the story
of me and Uncle Jimmy.
I call it "When You Wish
Upon a Scar."
The thing about a scar--
you shouldn't try
to hide it.
You know, wear it
like a badge.
That way, it takes on
a kind of beauty.
Chicks dig scars.
You find that
to be the case, C.J.?
- I'm gonna miss
you, Chuckster.
- ( laughs )
But I can't say when.
What the hell
are they doing?
Charlie, maybe you should
do something, being a cop
and all?
Oh man. I'm off-duty
and way too tired to deal
with jokers like this.
Just go around 'em.
Scott:
Well, so long, Caddy.
Have a nice life.
( engine rattling )
( softly )
Shit.
( engine revs )
- What do they want?
- What do you think
they want--
they want to drag.
You gonna give them
what they want?
( snorts )
With you in the car?
I think I'd like
to keep my license.
I told you,
I'm off-duty.
If it was me,
I'd kick their asses.
- ( Cadillac engine revs )
- You do what you want.
Come on, go for it.
Oh shit.
Jeep.
Jeep!
Very nice.
Hey, you want
me to drive, huh?
( tires screech )
- Why are we following them?
- I'm not following,
I'm losing.
Holy shit!
They're killing my Saab!
Who are these guys?
- Oh shit.
- Scott, back off.
- Scott, we gotta
get in that lane!
- C.J.: He's right this time.
Robby:
Scott!
- Jesus! Oh God!
- ( truck horn blaring )
( tires squeal )
( screams )
( whispers )
Holy shit.
Now that
was excellent!
Whoo!
Look at my goddamn
car, man.
Well, perhaps now
is a good time
to re-evaluate
your over-the-top
attachment to material
things.
( laughs )
I gotta hand it
to you, Scott,
you're one mean mother
behind the wheel.
Look what those crackers
did to my car.
I told you, Scott,
you don't mess
with the Caddy.
Sorry.
Whoa.
God. I tried
to call my brother.
The lines are down.
That's a bad storm!
Don't they
give you some kind
of walkie-talkie thing?
( chuckles )
Yeah, right.
We gotta get
to a phone.
- I'm gonna
call Mom and Dad.
- No, you're not.
Well, then you
call them.
I'm sure they'll listen
to Mr. All-State.
Hey, Robby, Dad can't
know about this.
That's death.
You know that.
Yeah, I know.
Charlie:
Must be tough being
the little brother.
Invisible in the light
of the hero?
Hey Charlie,
you talk
like you know us.
You don't know
anything,
so enough of the backwoods
psychiatry, okay?
- It's just making
things worse.
- ( sighs )
You had to come all the way
to Wisconsin to get laid?
They don't have girls
back at Yale?
Well, they do,
but they're all kind
of Jodie Foster-ish.
And my man Scott?
Well, he likes 'em
a little road-tested.
Is that the way
you like 'em, Scott?
A little dusty?
A little dirty?
( chuckles )
Charlie, what the hell
do you care?
Waitress:
Storm took the power.
Everybody out.
What the hell
is that?
Okay, what the hell
is this?
Well, it isn't fan mail.
Robby: Sin?
What sin?
Will find who out?
What the hell does
that mean?
It means Wisconsin is
getting too weird
and I really
really want to go home.
I'm just looking
for a ride down the road,
and I'm off-duty
so I don't make any
judgments, but...
what the hell
you boys been up to?
This shit ain't
coming off, man.
Did it just get darker?
( engine revs )
Robby:
Okay, let's deal
with it, huh?
What's "it"?
Who did what, and who
wrote that note?
The guys in the Caddy.
- It has to be.
- Okay, so who did what?
C.J.?
Well, I did sorta
make this one chick
leave it in her pants.
- What did you do?
- Chuckles--
I never do anything.
I just said some
stuff and this chick
got all geeked.
I mean, God--
Wisconsin chicks?
So sensitive.
I tried to have sex
with that girl back
at the bar.
Jesus, maybe she has
a big, mean boyfriend
or something, huh?
Jealousy--
it's a killer.
Oh God.
Yeah, great.
I come to Wisconsin
to get laid.
I don't get laid
and now I'm gonna get
killed for it.
Just calm down, Robby.
It's nobody's boyfriend.
This is just random shit.
The note is just a mind-game,
so just relax, okay?
I told you I'm gonna
get you home.
Okay.
( mockingly )
Gosh, Scotty,
I wish you were
my big brother too.
Where are we?
At the intersection,
take a left.
A couple of miles
and I'm out.
Anybody got any
breadcrumbs?
What is the deal?
( engine revs )
Charlie, that road
they're leaving open?
Does that get us
anywhere?
Sure.
Deeper into nowhere.
And Scott?
I'm off-duty
and I got a wife waiting.
Let's go.
You guys get the feeling
they're leading us somewhere?
Scott, given our lack
of choice here,
I suggest we take
what we're given.
Charlie, you're a cop.
What would you do?
Listen to C.J.
Take that road
and get us
the hell home.
- Charlie, let me
ask you a question.
- Shoot.
Why would I want to go
where they want me to?
Yee-haw!
Whoo!
Oh, that Caddy's history!
Scott, you da man!
Yeah!
Those mothers are toast!
Did I not tell you?
Did I not?
My brother, man,
he never loses.
Whoo!
The Streak lives!
- Ha-- ahh!!
- Oh, Jesus!
Robby:
G-go, Scott!
Go faster! God!
Oh, shit!
Scott!
- ( glass shatters )
- Scott: Oh, come on!
Why are they doing this?!
All right, now that we've
gotten our ya-ya's out,
pull over, I'm gonna
put a stop to this.
- Slow down, man.
- ( tires squeal )
Scott, back off!
Slow down, Scott!
Charlie:
Come on, now.
- C.J.: Scott, stop!
- Charlie: Look out!
( panting )
( sighs )
Oh shit.
These fucking guys!
Robby:
They're trying to kill us.
Oh Jesus, Scott,
they're trying to kill us.
I'm okay, by the way.
Why is this
happening to us?
I don't know why
this is happening.
I just wanted
a ride home.
They want us dead, Scott.
They don't want
us dead, Robby.
They want him.
Hey, Charlie.
How come you were so hot
for me to drag those guys
in the Caddy, huh?
And why didn't you
flash your badge
when we were sitting
back there?
You wanted to get away
from them, didn't you?
Jesus Christ, Scott.
What are you doing?
Look, before we
picked up Charlie,
nobody was trying
to run us off the road,
nobody was scratching
this spooky
biblical crap
on the windshield.
After we pick him up
there's nothing
but this shit.
They want you
for your sins.
Isn't that right,
Charlie?
C.J.:
Yeah, the message
on the windshield--
I'm not one to judge,
Chuckster,
but what'd you do?
( brief chuckle )
Hey, whatever it is...
you're not dragging us
down with you.
No.
You're going
back to Yale.
( laughs )
That's right, Charlie.
And you're staying here.
Come on, guys,
let's go.
Have you lost
your mind?
We can't just leave him
here for the Caddy
or the cold.
He's a cop.
Jesus, Scott-- a cop!
Here's a flash,
chief--
he's a bad cop.
and whatever bad-cop shit
he did to those guys
is between their ass
and his, and not mine.
Look, I say
we give him a ride.
It's just a couple
more miles.
This is not
a democracy.
- He stays.
- My young friends,
this is something
you're going to have
to live with.
We all have nights
where we're revealed.
This is yours.
Okay.
If I wanted to,
I could draw my weapon
and commandeer your car
and be down the road
in a second
and the law would be
on my side.
( Caddy rumbling )
( engine growing louder )
Come on,
get in the car!
Get in the goddamn
car, Robby!
- Come on, Robby.
- Go, go, go!
( gunshots )
- Jesus! They shot him!
- They killed him!
- Oh, shit.
- Scott, we should
have let him back in!
I know! We just have
to keep going--
get home.
Dude, home isn't
gonna fix this, Scott,
what we just did!
Listen, guys.
What we did, we had to do.
And now we're just
gonna have to walk
with it.
Dude, I am not walking
with it very well.
Look, it was him or us!
- I know.
- And now they got
who they wanted,
and we're done.
We're done with that Caddy.
It's over and we're
not gonna say another
word about this.
We're done talking
about it, all right?
I mean done.
Dude, it is not
done, Scott.
We gotta call the police.
He was a cop!
- Jesus, we let it happen!
- Scott: Robby!
Do you think those guys
in the Caddy are gonna
go to the police? No!
The police are never
gonna know anything
about us, all right?
Now, I don't know
who that guy was,
or why those guys
in the Caddy wanted
him dead,
but I do know that
I'm going back to Yale
and C.J.'s hopping
a tanker tomorrow,
I'm taking my
little brother home,
and we're never gonna
say another word about
any of this to anyone.
I'll get you home,
Robby.
Everyone in the car
that thinks the storm
did this,
raise your hand.
Where are they?
- Fuck.
- We can't go back,
we can't go forward.
We could take that road
that happens to be right
in front of the tree.
They're leading us
deeper into nowhere.
I'd rather be led
than caught.
Scott, this is
awfully romantic.
I know what I'm doing.
We'll wait
the bastards out.
Hey, kill the engine.
He can see our exhaust.
Just keep going, baby.
Just keep going.
I mean,
what do they want?
They got Charlie.
Witnesses.
They gotta get rid
of the witnesses.
- I didn't ask
to be a witness.
- Nobody ever does.
Man, I wonder
what Charlie did.
Whatever it was,
I hope it was
worth it.
Where the hell
are we?
( sighs )
We're so lost.
There's a map in the glove
compartment there.
No, no, no.
Come on, come on.
They'll see the light.
I got one of these
fluorescent tube
things in here.
Give me that.
Okay, the thing with maps
is they only help
if you have kind of
an idea where you are.
We have no idea
where we are.
C.J.:
Okay, well...
we'll look at the map,
find that really
spooky tree
we drove past
like three times
and then go left
to the rusted tractor
and then go to right
to that shack where
- I'm pretty sure
someone was killed.
- Look, will you shut up?
I'm trying to get us
out of here.
Where the hell
is the Minnesota line?
We're never getting
out of here.
Robby:
I can't feel
my feet.
- I can't feel my hands.
- Jesus Christ.
But, really,
I really don't want
to die here.
I mean, I really
don't want to die,
but really not here.
Robby, will you keep
this shit to yourself?
I was hoping
maybe by the time
I graduated
- there would
be this girl.
- Oh man.
You know, I can
almost see her face.
This girl
who would love me...
without me having
to say anything.
And her laugh would
echo down the hall
after math.
I heard people
can have this thing
happen to them--
a moment that changes
their lives forever.
I always hoped
I'd have one of those,
so I didn't
have to be...
- so me.
- Nobody wants to be
who they are, man.
God, we all have
shit inside of us
that we wish we didn't.
But we do.
And there's nothing
we can do about that,
I mean--
I don't think we can
change that stuff.
So what's the best
we can hope for?
Forgiveness.
Well, that doesn't
come so easy.
Robby:
You know what's weird?
The last time we saw
that Caddy,
I think I saw a girl
in the back seat.
- Really?
- But I couldn't
see her face so good.
It's "well," okay?
You couldn't see
her face so well.
God, I hate it
when people do that--
good instead of well.
It's like when
bad teachers ask you
"Is there any questions?"
It's "Are there
any questions?"
I fucking hate that.
Look, I've been thinking
about that note--
on the windshield?
Then Charlie.
Why after they kill him,
are they still
trying to kill us?
C.J. was right.
It's because we're
witnesses.
Yeah, I know,
but why haven't they
done it already?
You know,
they could have,
back there when we were
sitting by the tree.
You know, they seem
to be leading us someplace.
Why?
To where?
Maybe they keep
coming back because
they killed
the wrong guy.
( scoffs )
Robby, man,
you are eating brain.
And that note--
about sins?
Maybe it wasn't Charlie's sin
they were after.
You know, maybe
it was meant for us.
One of us.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, blame C.J.
The ever-handy Judas.
I called two guys
in a bar "fat."
They kill you
for that?
I don't think so,
which brings us back
to you, Roberta.
- Me?
- Yeah!
Maybe while your friend
was smoking your bone
in the back room
her gap-toothed old man
was plotting your
castration.
Then why hasn't
he done it already?
You know, I think--
I don't know, I think
it's something bigger
than that.
C.J.:
And Scott, my man,
you're being awfully
quiet over there.
How were things
in the parking lot
with the sexless someone?
- Don't worry about it.
- Actually, I am starting
to worry.
Don't shift
the heat on me, man.
When the shit tumbles,
it's you in the middle.
Oh, yeah, and you're
so innocent?
Mr. Skull-and-Bones?
C.J., you're really
starting to get on
my fucking nerves.
Oh, I know.
It must be so
draining...
stuck in this car,
sitting here all night,
staring at this face--
this same old face!
Fuck you, man!
God damn you.
- What the hell was that?
- Grace under pressure.
- Can I ask you
a personal question?
- No.
How'd you get
the scar?
The squeaky voice
in the back seat asked
out of the blue.
I've heard all
of your stories.
If I told you...
it'd just be one more.
( Scott screams )
God damn it! Shit!
Oh my God!
Oh God,
are you okay?
- Robby: Scott?
- Where are you, man?
What the--
What?
There's-- ( gasping )
there's something dead
under there.
It's Charlie.
- No, man, it can't be.
He's miles behind us.
- Is he?
We've been driving
around lost for an hour.
( all panting )
There's only one way
to find out.
I'm not a huge fan
of finding out, by the way.
It's an animal.
( laughs )
It's a cow.
It's a frozen cow!
It's a cowsicle.
How much do you think
that thing weighs?
Weighs?
A lot, why?
- ( all grunting )
- Scott: And pull!
Pull!
C.J.:
Man, if you would've
told me this afternoon
while I was watching
"Hitler's Henchmen"
that I'd be
doing this tonight,
I'd say, "Where'd
you get the 'shrooms
and have you got
any more for me?"
- Come on.
- Okay.
Scott:
Come on, guys, pull!
- Robby: This is genius.
- C.J.: Yeah.
We bury old Bossy
here in a mogul,
then we lead those
Caddy sons of bitches
right into her,
all one-ton-frozen-
dead-ass rock of her.
and we are
as good as home.
You know, I've sorta been
going over my top 10 sins.
Please don't feel
compelled to share.
One time, I jerked off
in the boys' locker room
after swim practice--
- Oh, come on.
- when I caught
just a little shot
of Kim Ward's "beave."
I don't suppose
the guys in the Caddy
could have known that, huh?
No, but if they catch us,
I'm gonna sing
like a canary.
( C.J. coughs )
I made love
with Miss Collier.
- The English teacher?
- Yeah, freshman year.
Details.
She told me to stay after class
one night because...
I didn't understand
gerundive phrases.
So I do,
but all I can do
is watch her--
cross and uncross
her legs
while she's sort of
explaining stuff to me.
And the next thing
you know she's crying.
Crying?
Right there in school?
Yeah, about how lousy
her life was,
what a jerk
her husband is.
And the only way I can figure
to make her stop crying
is by kissing her.
Well, the next thing
you know, I'm laying
on her living room floor
staring at the ceiling
while she's doing everything.
And all I'm doing...
is falling
in love with her.
Oh come on, get out.
You would have told me.
I don't tell you
everything, Scott.
All right.
Let's go get 'em.
- Whoo-hoo!
- C.J.: Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Oh, yeah!
( engine revving )
Smoke signals.
( laughing )
How do you spell
"Come and get us, you greasy
murderous pig bastards"?
I think we lost them.
Can we go home now?
( engine rumbling )
Just like Pavlov's puppy.
- Okay, let's go.
- Scott: Wait, wait, wait.
Let's just
reel them in.
( engine revs )
- Well, can we go now?
- Not yet.
- Now!
- ( engine racing )
Shit! Get out!
Push! Get out!
Come on! Go, go!
( engine roars )
- Robby, come on, man, push!
- I am pushing!
- ( engine roars )
- Push!
- ( tires spin )
- Come on!
Come on!
Let's go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
- I've got them.
- ( glass shatters )
Shit.
Scott:
Oh, shit. Shit.
- What?
- Scott: Which one?
- Which one what?
- Which one with the cow?
- Which mogul?
- Are you kidding me?!
- Look, I can't tell.
- That one.
- Are you sure?
- No. Yes.
No.
Ho!
( laughs )
It worked!
- Yeah!
- ( all cheering )
( all laughing )
Yeah! Game over, man!
Yeah!
( hooting )
Game over,
sons of bitches.
Scott:
Come on, Robby.
Let's go!
Get in the car!
I told you, Robby.
I'm gonna get you home.
Minnesota,
here we come.
What?
I saw that girl
in the back.
- There was no girl.
- Yeah, there was a girl.
She's down there
in the snow.
She was just going along
for the ride, I bet.
Now she's dead
with the rest of them.
A girl, man, a girl.
You talk about sin.
What sin?
She was riding
with those goons, okay?
She's probably a stone killer
just like the rest of them.
Jesus, Robby.
You think that
all girls are innocent
just because
they're girls.
Man, this night
is confusing.
Very confusing.
- ( sputtering )
- ( dings )
Shit.
- We're overheating.
- It's like 20 million below--
We're over-fucking-heating!
God damn it.
( sighs )
Oh God.
What the hell
are we gonna do?
Pack the radiator with snow.
( chuckles )
Roberto?
You are
a goddamn marvel.
From the depths of despair
flies genius,
hmm, a phoenix
from the ashes.
( sizzling )
Hey uh, you, lad,
have earned
shotgun status.
Now you are
a man, my son.
Let's go.
( engine sputters,
roars )
( sputtering )
( dings )
That's not
supposed to happen...
is it?
The back seat beckons.
Look, just
pull over, okay?
- Pull over.
- I'm sick of pulling over.
- Dude, we gotta pull over.
- Look, it's my car.
I know what she can do.
I'm not pulling over.
We're going home.
- Enough of this
pulling-over crap.
- You can crack your block.
- I'm not pulling over!
- If you crack your block,
this Saab dies!
And so do we. Is that where
you're going with this line
of thinking, Roberto?
- That exactly where I'm going.
- Pull over.
- Stop telling me what to do.
- Who are you, The Car Czar?
- Yeah, you bet I am.
- Not anymore!
- Maybe you'd like to do
something about it?
- Maybe he would!
- Maybe he'd like to kick
your fucking ass!
- I would?
- Why not?
- I think you wanna
kick his fucking ass.
Yeah, why don't you
ask your brother why
I wanna kick his fucking ass?
- Okay, Scott, why does C.J.
wanna kick your fucking ass?
- How the fuck do I know?
Oh, you know!
You fuckin' know!
Oh, fuck!
Oh, yeah!
( mimics )
"I know my car, man!
- I know what she can do."
- I'm so fucking sick
of you, man!
You and your fucking anger
and your loser old man
and your fucking
broken-down old woman,
and your nowhere
fucking future!
And fuck you!
Fuck you and your old man's
money and your fucking Saab,
and your mom's martinis
and your fucking "boola boola"
future, and fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Look, stop it!
Come on,
knock it off!
Cut it out!
Get off him!
- Get off him!
- Get off me, you punk!
C.J.:
Oh my God!
Scott, stop!
Hey, hey!
Fucking stop!
Stop that!
Fuck you, Scott!
Really, fuck you!
You were right, man.
Shit don't change.
Scott:
What do you
want me to say?
Sorry.
Come on, man,
I said I'm sorry.
Will you say something?
- Say something.
- Just don't talk to me.
From now on,
you wanna say something,
you say it to C.J.
Hey! Hey!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoa!
Whoo, come on,
guys, go!
C.J.:
Thank you, Robby.
So I wanna know.
How I got the scar.
- This isn't exactly the time--
- Did I or didn't I make
it clear, Scott?
You don't exist!
Now how did you
get the scar?
How I got the scar?
Well, there was
this Bengalese tiger
that escaped from the zoo--
Shut up, man!
Tell me the truth!
We're not talking
about this, okay?
Oh, and who are you now,
The Conversation Czar?
I should shut up
because you tell me to?
I always do what
you tell me to, Scott.
"Robby, shut up."
"Robby, get in the back seat."
"Robby, just disappear
in the brilliance
of my All-State
big-brother-ness
and just stop being!"
Fuck!
Now we're
really fucked!
- What?
- I'm outta Pez.
I need sugar.
Pronto.
Got any money?
It's in my jacket there.
( snow crunching )
Oh, you suck.
( girl screams )
Oh, shit.
Come on, come on.
So it's C.J. they wanted--
the whole time!
Oh, C.J.
Go, come on.
( dinging )
Shit.
( sputtering )
Dude, back off!
She's gonna blow.
Come on, it's gonna blow.
Back off.
Ease up, Scott!
Come on, listen to me
this one time.
Back off.
God damn it!
Shit! Come on, Scott!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Come on, man!
Come on, Scott!
Okay, come on.
Oh, Jesus.
( gasps )
Oh my God.
C.J.
They killed him.
( sobbing )
Oh, Jesus,
they killed him.
Oh, Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus.
Shit.
A deer, man.
They killed a deer.
Oh, Jesus.
What the hell
did they do to you?
Scott, Robby,
you guys gotta
get outta here.
Not without you.
( echoing yell )
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
We're here!
What are you waiting for?
Huh?
Let's go!
Oh shit.
( grunting )
Did I not tell you
a night like this can
turn your head around?
Turn your life around,
change a man,
like one of you boys
changed me.
Meet my brother Luther.
Look what
you did to C.J.
- Don't you wanna know why?
- There is no fucking why,
Charlie,
- and I wouldn't
give a shit if there was.
- You're getting awfully close.
Luther.
Tonight I went
looking for my wife.
And I find her
at the roadhouse
where I figure she's been
hooking up with another man.
But it wasn't another man,
it was a boy.
Jeannine!
Oh shit.
- Charlie, I have
something to say--
- No, you don't.
So I find
my little queenie
putting on her
pretty little panties
in the back of a Saab.
A burgundy Saab.
So before I kill somebody,
I gotta make sure.
Which one of you
in that car took my wife?
Took my life from me?
She didn't name names,
bless her little heart.
( chuckles )
That's why I got in your car,
I wanted to watch you boys
behind a wheel.
And Robby,
when I smelled my wife
on your brother's jacket...
well, game over.
Tonight could have been
a dream come true.
If I had just gotten
ol' Mr. Cream-Jeans here alone,
I thought I'd done it too,
but then zipper face,
he goes and puts on
the wrong damn jacket
at the wrong damn time.
So we had
to use him as bait.
Do us a little
ice fishing.
And lo and behold,
we caught ourselves a couple
of Minnesota dickless perch.
( laughing )
Too small to keep,
you know
what I'm saying?
You know
what I'm saying?
Jesus, son.
What the fuck
did I ever do to you?
You take my wife,
you take
my life from me.
You took my life.
Now I take yours.
Eye for an eye,
a heart for a heart.
Charlie, stop it!
- Just stop it!
- You shut up!
Or what? What are you
gonna do to me that you
ain't already done?
- Get back in the car.
- What, what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna kick
the shit outta me again?
Are you gonna kill me
after you kill him?
- Maybe.
- Well, aren't you tough?
Get back
in the fucking car!
Run!
Come on, C.J., Scott!
Come on!
Come on, C.J.,
are you okay?
Are you okay?
Come on.
I should have done this
on our honeymoon!
Come on, come on.
( engine roars )
Whoa!
Go! Go!
Go, guys!
Go, come on!
- Hang on!
- Let's go!
- Scott: Run!
- Robby: Come on, guys!
We've gotta run!
Look out!
- C.J.: Oh, shit! Go, go, go!
- Scott, where are you going?
Oh my God!
- Run, Scott!
- They're gonna get him!
C.J./Robby:
Run, Scott!
C.J.:
Scotty, go!
( windshield shatters )
Come on.
Oh, Jesus.
Hang on.
( Scott screams )
Let's go.
Are you okay?
C.J.:
Come on, come on, come on.
Robby:
Come on, Scott, go!
Come on!
Oh shit!
( engine roars )
Thus endeth the streak.
( engine revving )
Shit, I can't--
I can't walk
on that leg.
Sit right here.
Here, I got you.
Okay?
Shit.
Easy.
Oh God.
I gotta make
a tourniquet.
Hang on,
I'll be right back.
Scott.
Put it underneath.
- C.J.: Are you all right?
- Yeah.
Careful.
Okay.
Pull it tight.
- Oh, fuck.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- Okay.
So we were
in eighth grade
and just--
just wrestling around.
I was...
losing...
to runty
Crockett James.
And I got so mad
I just started swinging.
I think it was
your mom's gardening hoe.
Scott:
It happened so fast.
I just...
swung at his face.
- The gash was all deep.
- C.J.: Hospital deep.
The blood just
kept on coming.
I couldn't even see.
All over Dad's lawn
and his perfect
Japanese grass.
I kinda liked that part.
Yeah, me too.
We told everybody
it was an accident.
C.J.:
We were riding
our bikes.
But it wasn't an accident.
Oh no. No, it wasn't.
That's who I am, Robby.
No one's anyone
forever, man.
Come on, guys.
Let's go home.
Jeannine.
Come on.
C.J.:
Oh, hello, Minnesota
and good night,
Wisconsin!
( flute music playing )