Bonjour Switzerland (2023) Movie Script

Switzerland is known for being
a country of many languages.
It has four official languages
and three distinct linguistic regions.
The German-speaking region is largest,
with 63 percent of the population.
Romandy has 21 percent.
And beyond the Gotthard mountain
is Ticino, with 6 percent.
The fourth official language is Romansh.
Spoken by only 0.5 percent
of the Swiss population,
it is often forgotten.
"Forgotten", my ass!
More like "completely ignored"!
Mr. Bachmann, you're the media mogul
behind the NO BILINGUE initiative.
It proposes that all of Switzerland
should only have one official language.
Why do you think that's a good idea?
Consider the enormous costs
caused by these four languages each year.
Every day, millions are wasted
that are needed for other things.
A good Idea. The Ticinese
will finally have to learn German.
Forget it.
They're too lazy to learn anything.
It would divide Switzerland!
- No. Multilingualism is no benefit.
It's an obstacle to our national unity.
He should first learn to speak proper French.
- Swiss-Germans are all crazy.
The name alone is discriminatory.
Switzerland has more than
two national languages!
MAYOR OF BELLINZONA
It's an attack on our identity!
You're trying to ruin Switzerland!
No, Mr. Castani.
I'd like to help us
get out of the Stone Age.
Only a "Zucchini"
could say something that stupid.
It doesn't matter which language.
All that matters
is that all Swiss people soon speak
one and the same language.
I can't listen to this asshole anymore!
His stupid face says it all!
A typical jackass!
BACHMANN'S GRAND VISION
I would not mind
if everyone spoke Swiss German.
You're an idiot!
It would be the end of Switzerland!
The initiative has no chance anyway.
- They said that about Hitler too.
That man is dangerous.
NO BILINGUE
YES TO ONE NATIONAL LANGUAGE
APRIL 15
NO BILINGUE
SHOULD THE "NO BILINGUE" INITIATIVE
BE ACCEPTED?
SHOULD SWITZERLAND HAVE
ONLY ONE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE?
YES
IF YES,
SHOULD THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE BE ROMANSH?
... ITALIAN?
... FRENCH?
... GERMAN?
YES
Hello, everyone.
A new officer is starting here today.
He's transferred from Geneva.
Laurent, stand up, please.
Good morning.
My name is Laurent Rochat.
Oh, no, a Frenchie!
My wife and I have just...
Sorry?
All I understand is "Gruyre."
Please, Heinz!
If you have a problem
with other language regions,
you can vote accordingly tomorrow.
Here. I brought you
some zucchinis from our garden.
Thanks.
... unexpected.
Experts predicted
the initiative
would clearly be rejected...
What happened?
- Switzerland will have only one language.
French.
What?
French!
... high turnout in Romandy
seems to have been decisive,
as opposed to very low turnout
in German-speaking regions.
Mr. Bachmann has been very present.
That partly explains
the majority cantonal vote.
But the majority popular vote?
I'm very surprised by that!
Indeed.
The vote was close but definitive.
In future, French must be spoken
in all of Switzerland.
This is a very dark day
for Switzerland and its history.
Have we lost our minds?
Have we all gone crazy?
The scene in Romandy is incredible:
cheering crowds,
chaos on the roads,
flying flags...
How do you feel seeing this?
- It's wonderful.
In ten years, no one will
remember it being otherwise.
The transition will be hard,
but we must think of our children.
It is our responsibility
to leave them a better Switzerland.
As you have all heard,
in six months, starting on October 15,
only French will be allowed to be spoken
in publicly funded enterprises.
That includes us.
In addition,
as the Federal Police it is our job
to ensure
this new law is enforced.
STARTING OCTOBER 15,
FRENCH MUST BE SPOKEN IN THIS STORE
No way!
My store isn't a public business!
You products are made
with subsidised ingredients.
So French has to be spoken here
as of October 15.
These are from the Bernese...
- Hello.
Federal Police. I'm Walter Egli.
- Hello, gentlemen.
Okay... I want cheese.
Cheese. All right.
- That cheese there.
The "chvre."
No. The other one.
The... "chvre"?
-"Chvre".
Excuse me, you may still speak German.
The rule takes effect
on October 15.
Thank you very much.
What did you say?
Yes, Mom?
That's Sigi on the right.
I know him from my time in the Amazon.
Boris on the left, from the Chechen underground.
- Hello.
We're starting a partisan group.
You have to get a few things for us.
After all, you work for the police.
"Three 1,200 mm TRG Magnum
assault rifles.
Twenty-four HG 85 hand grenades.
Twelve kilograms
of ammonium nitrate explosives
and one handheld anti-tank weapon."
Or two.
But... where in God's name
am I supposed to get this stuff?
Be creative!
I'm sure you'll think of something.
- Mom...
Are you going to sit by as they ruin
our beautiful Switzerland?
Aren't you going to fight?
We're a democracy, and we voted.
Can you help us?
Yes or no?
Bonjour, everyone!
Bonjour, Ms. Ruegg.
Hi.
As you live in a subsidized apartment
and have a half-fare transport card
you have to speak French
as of October 15.
I am Walter Egli.
The Book.
Le livre.
Fifty-six... years.
The Fish.
A dog.
A horse.
A cow.
The Cucumber.
Le gurke.
CATTLE MARKEFridge.
BAREFOOT SQUARE
Ear, nose, and throat specialist.
L'otorhinolaryngologiste.
Sorry, what did you say? "Rsti"?
CLOCKTOWER SQUARE
BEAR PILONG STREEOUR GERMAN CHANNEL HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED.
PLEASE WATCH THE FRENCH ONE
... arson was committed again yesterday
in Romandy.
This time close to Yverdon.
The suspect is a farmer from Schwyz.
The fountain in Geneva was also attacked.
Anyone with information
should contact the police.
... 10,000 Swiss have fled the country.
Not everyone is happy
about the wave of immigrants.
I'm no racist, but they're everywhere.
There are now five Swiss kids
in my daughter's preschool.
Five! How is she supposed
to learn proper German?
My name's Bornand. Jonas Bornand.
I'm your new partner.
Where's Heinz?
Pardon?
I don't speak German.
Where is...
my friend... the Heinz?
For us to understand each other
you'll have to try a bit harder, buddy, okay?
I had to let him go.
His French wasn't good enough.
Us policemen need to be role models.
Walter, I'm behind you. You know that.
We took you in during your divorce.
I still can't believe
Barbara chose that sleezy dentist...
We don't have to go into it.
Of course not. Sorry.
What I'm saying is
I'm doing what I can, but you...
You have to learn French!
I can't cover you much longer.
Sure. I'm taking the course.
And I'm one of the best in class.
Based on my experience
as a French teacher,
About twenty percent of the population
over a certain age is not able
to learn a new foreign language.
And sadly, you're one of them.
I'll be unemployed soon.
I don't have any savings
and I still have to pay alimony.
See it as an opportunity.
Start a company!
Be more than just a civil servant!
I can't do that.
Then just look for another boring job.
One that doesn't require French.
I'm sorry, but you don't have
enough qualifications.
I thought it was just stocking shelves?
- Exactly.
A job that doesn't require French.
We're being overrun with applications.
And something else?
- At your age?
As a German Swiss?
No chance.
In two weeks Switzerland
will officially be monolingual.
Only one canton
is causing serious problems.
Ticino.
There are even rumors
that an underground group
has formed there
and is planning major resistance.
Personally, I don't believe it,
but I've been asked to send
two officers from my department
to Locarno to investigate.
Any volunteers?
Jonas, very good.
And?
Anyone else?
And Walter.
Thank you. Wonderful.
That's all. Back to work.
Why does it need to be me?
They speak Italian in Ticino.
I can barely speak French!
You can't speak French at all, Walter.
I'm doing you a favour.
It'll be less obvious in Ticino.
Plus, this is your chance.
If you really manage
to uncover a resistance group
then I can justify keeping you on.
Really?
Promise?
Yes, but otherwise...
I won't be able to help you.
Sorry.
ATTACK ON THE UNITED NATIONS IN GENEVA
Anything important in the report?
Pardon?
I don't speak German.
Look, I know you can speak German.
That report is in German.
POLICE REPORHow are we supposed to work together?
It's very important for me
to find this group.
It's important to me too.
Then I can finally
go back to my old job and...
I won't have to work with such losers.
What other job?
Did you do something else before?
I certainly did.
- What?
I just need to finish this mission fast
so I can get back to it.
I don't understand French!
Speak German!
- I don't speak German.
Speak French.
Don't you have any luggage?
- Pardon?
Of course not. You're James Bond.
Good. See you later.
Benvenuto! You must be Walter.
Do you... Do you speak a little...
German?
- Yes.
No! Let's go.
I'll show you your apartment.
Here you go. Goodbye.
Thank you.
If you want some coffee...
There's none left.
There are two rooms.
A big one and a small one.
I'll take the big one.
I didn't understand anything.
Your room... is downstairs.
And wear different pants tomorrow.
People can tell you're a cop
from a mile away.
CENTRAL SQUARE
Hands off our language!
Hands off our language!
OUR LANGUAGE,
OUR IDENTITY
Hands off our language!
Hands off our language!
Hands off our language!
Your protest has not been authorized!
You must disperse!
- Let us pass!
We're just expressing our opinion.
- Break up or we will use force!
Speak Italian, asshole!
Merci.
Grazie!
Wait! I'll help you.
Shit!
Hurry! Come with me!
Stupid pigs!
I can't stand those bastards!
You know what pisses me off the most?
They're from Ticino too!
I'm Francesca.
I'm Walter.
You're a German Swiss?
Yes. I'm sorry.
You have nothing to apologize for.
You're putting up a fight.
Unlike the others
who just gave up.
We need a lot more German Swiss like you.
I have to go, but our group is meeting
tomorrow at 8 pm at the Grotto.
Join us... if you want
to meet like-minded comrades.
GROTTO OF FRIENDS
What are you doing?
This... is Giuseppe.
He and Lorenzo work at
Antonio's carpentry shop.
This woman...
I know she's one of them.
But she slipped through my fingers.
Her name is Francesca,
and she works at the Grotto degli Amici.
How do you know that?
If you want me to understand you,
you'll have to speak German.
When did you... find that out?
From now on, we work together.
And you speak German with me.
Okay.
Figure out who's in charge
but... be inconspicuous.
Sure, I know what to do.
Good evening.
Welcome.
- Good evening.
Thank you.
Comrades!
These are historic days.
These meetings will go down in history.
The time has come
for Ticino to free itself
from the tyranny
of the German and French Swiss.
Shortly before midnight on the day
this absurd law goes into effect
we will declare our independence.
From then on,
Ticino will be its own country.
Long live the Free State of Ticinia!
It's all ready.
I'll reveal the details
of our plan next week.
But I won't lie to you.
It will be dangerous.
Very dangerous. So only come
if you're ready to make great sacrifices.
So it's true.
There is a resistance movement.
And Castani is their leader.
This is big!
Do you think we should inform our boss?
- No, not yet!
We have to catch them.
Only then you can keep your job
and I can go back to the secret service.
Honestly... were you really
in the secret service?
Otherwise I'll have to kill you.
We'll learn what their plan is next week.
But we can't be idle.
You have to find out
as much as possible about Francesca.
And I'm going to follow Castani.
Always.
And everywhere.
What do you see?
I was just checking
if the Grotto was under surveillance.
Don't worry.
The police don't know about our meetings.
Yeah... the police.
You wanted to visit our Grotto?
We're closed today.
But... do you like torta di pane?
Torta di what?
Bread.
Come with me.
Come on!
Here we go.
A little milk.
We'll take these too.
Thanks! Bye!
What did you say about that?
The big ones, please.
Thanks.
Thank you so much!
Hey! So glad you came!
Hello.
Ciao!
Walter, it's 10 pm. Are you safe?
I'm fine. Following a hot lead.
Do you need backup?
- No, I've got everything under control.
Okay.
Bravo, Walter!
Good morning.
- Good morning.
You're a big help. Thank you.
I haven't had this much fun
in a long time.
Your Grotto is paradise.
Yeah.
I grew up here.
It breaks my heart that we have to close.
You have to close?
Our suppliers are all local farmers.
Who doesn't speak French, gets no subsidies.
And without subsidies, they can't live.
Who wants to eat Ticinese food
without Ticinese ingredients?
How did it go?
Jonas?
- Jonas!
Don't look at me.
Keep walking. Be discreet.
Why not wait till we're home?
I'm not going home.
I'm going back to Bellinzona.
Yesterday I managed
to bug Castani's apartment.
Briefing, debriefing:
tomorrow, 12:15 pm at HQ.
HQ?
At home.
Hi, Mom.
No!
What happened, Mom?
Over here!
What happened?
We were following Bachmann,
waiting for the right moment.
It's a statue of me!
And I'm not sitting on a horse!
Think of something else.
I have such a guilty conscience.
I can barely sleep anymore.
What we did was for the good
of Switzerland. Be proud.
Plus, you're rich now.
So pull yourself together.
But don't you think...
- No!
Stick to our agreement.
Go!
Let's get him!
Do you have the chloroform?
And then?
Then Sigi drove into a tree.
And now I've got whiplash.
But were you listening?
You should arrest Bachmann.
He's dirty!
I can't just arrest him.
I'd first need evidence.
And a crime.
How are you? What do the doctors say?
A couple of scratches. A joke.
I'm relieved.
You look good.
- Do I?
I barely slept last night.
I spent the whole night...
working.
The Ticinese are resisting
by all means.
Great!
You really think so?
By all means?
- Yes.
If it's the only way.
What are you doing at my desk?
Pardon, I don't speak German.
Why...
the...
Why...
the table... me?
Was that Finnish?
What?
Can't we speak German?
We still have a couple days.
Sure. I'd prefer that too.
Why did you give my desk away?
Don't I still work here?
Sorry, Walter, but I told you...
You promised me I could keep
my job if I found the resistance group!
And I'll keep my word.
But there is no resistance group.
So the Ticinese are being difficult.
And? What's new?
Monolingualism takes effect in two days.
And we have enough problems here.
Here... parking... no.
Why not?
Why not...?
Because the... For...
- Yeah, yeah.
When... When the... Hey!
I...
Shit!
... in sickness and in health.
- I do.
Not yet.
- What?
Not yet.
- No?
No!
- No?
Yes.
- Yes.
No...
Moritz's homework...
is always... a bordello.
What? In a bordello?
You dirty boy!
You have to promise never to tell anyone
what I'm about to show you.
What's in this box
doesn't exist.
It's the latest technology.
I still have it from my time
in the secret service.
Very, top secret.
Now I hear what you hear
and you hear what I hear.
This will let me listen to
Castani's plan tomorrow night.
I can hear everything,
but you have to be my eyes.
I'm here. Keep quiet.
- Okay.
Hi!
We're so happy you came!
This country needs men like you now.
Grazie.
See you later.
Okay, as you see,
a friend of mine just showed up...
So I was saying that there's usually
a vase with flowers outside the chapel.
Right.
- And I called the printer.
I said, "Don't print it because..."
I hope it's the only one.
Who knows how they got a microphone in.
Sorry, I thought
there was a meeting today.
We cancelled it.
It looks like there's
a traitor in our group.
A traitor?
Someone bugged my apartment.
So we decided to cancel the meeting.
That's smart.
In that case I'd better be going. Bye!
No, Walter. Stay!
Come here.
Come here!
It's too risky
to tell everyone about the plan.
We only need two people now.
Francesca... and you.
Me?
- Yes.
You cant be the traitor,
you don't speak Italian.
And Francesca vouched for you.
Are you ready for a dangerous mission?
Can we count on you?
Sure.
It's essential that we control
or block all routes into Ticino.
Your job...
is to blow up
the Gotthard railway tunnel.
Blow up?
Other units will take
care of the other routes.
No one will be hurt.
But we have to set an example.
Everything is ready.
But the most important
and dangerous task is yours.
I'll explain everything.
What did I hear?
Only about the bad bus connection
between Locarno and Bellinzona.
That's all.
It's code.
They're planning something on that route.
Code.
Of course.
Should I surveil the route?
I could disguise myself as...
- No, no! Let me do it.
Tomorrow I'll take
a very close look at that bus route.
Ciao, Walter!
Francesca.
Got a minute?
- Sure. Get in.
We're going to collect chestnuts.
Francesca,
are you really serious
about blowing up the Gotthard Tunnel?
You'll be wanted criminal.
A terrorist.
We're talking about ten
to 15 years in prison.
You're risking your whole life.
I know.
But I made my decision.
I can't just do nothing.
But I understand
if you see it differently and want out.
Is that what you want?
No.
But I have to tell you...
I'm...
You should know that I...
I don't think I'm right for the job.
I don't know if I can do it.
But no one knows
what they can do before they try!
Courage is when you do it anyway.
And you're courageous,
otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Okay. Let's do it.
Sorry.
No problem.
It won't happen again.
Certainly for the best.
So, how did it go?
Did you get close to Francesca?
Yes, very close.
Good! I've got a lead too.
On the bus, I heard people talking
about the exorbitant boat fares.
It's probably a clue.
Definitely.
A suitcase and a bag
have been left for you in locker 127.
Check the contents.
The suitcase contains 20 kilos
of C4 explosives.
The code 1-1-1 activates the bomb.
You'll have only 30 seconds.
Code 1-1-2 deactivates it,
in case something goes wrong.
This is very important:
1-1-1 activates the bomb.
And 1-1-...
... 2.
- ... deactivates it.
I work for the SBB, as you can see.
I'm the conductor.
Thank you. This car is being detached.
Please sit up front.
It's your job
to make sure the train car is empty.
This car is being detached.
Please take a seat up front.
Once inside the tunnel
there won't be much time
to activate the bomb.
Move to the next car.
After three minutes and 17 seconds
you must pull the emergency brake.
Then exit the Gotthard Tunnel
via the access tunnel in Faido.
You'll be picked up there.
Okay?
What are...
- May I see you ticket, please?
What?
- Conductors need tickets now too.
So now there are two conductors
to check each other's tickets.
Didn't you read the memo?
That long email?
No.
- Okay, I'll let you off this time.
But buy a ticket now.
You got a half-fare card?
- No.
Well, full fare then.
You're fine.
This car is being detached.
Move to the next car.
You're all set. Thank you.
You too.
Jonas?
- Jonas!
The boat was a dead end,
so I tracked your phone.
With my secret software.
Francesca can't see you!
Come on!
Why are you in disguise?
What's going on?
They want to blow up the tunnel.
And think I'm helping.
I'm going to stop it at the last minute
so we have evidence.
I'm really impressed, Walter.
How can I help?
You stay here until I call you.
Help me!
Stop!
Don't move!
Move away from the bomb slowly.
You are under arrest
by the Federal Police
for attempted sabotage and terrorism.
Great work, partner.
We have all the evidence we need.
You, Walter?
You betrayed us?
Oh, yes!
He's an undercover police officer.
Everything... Everything was a lie?
You asshole!
We did it, Walter.
Not yet.
We have to deactivate the bomb.
What's the code?
1, 1, ...
Are you sure that was the right code?
Yes, definitely.
What have you done?
- I listened to my conscience.
Traitor!
Come here, you son of a bitch!
I'll beat you to a pulp!
I'll get you soon enough,
you piece of shit!
When I catch up, I'll destroy you!
You won't know what's hit you, asshole!
I don't understand French.
You have to speak German.
Dumb bastard!
Did you understand that?
Francesca, I'm on your side.
You're a cop!
Yes, but I'm against monolingualism...
- Take them away!
No! Ow, dammit!
What's this pile of junk?
This is all your fault!
Civil war!
- What's going on?
It's war. It's a civil war!
... the unthinkable
happened this afternoon.
Enzo Castani declared
Ticino an independent state.
The Ticinese people support him.
All routes to the south
have been blockaded
and are being defended
by Ticinese soldiers.
Our demands must be taken seriously.
We control the Lodrino military airport
and have an excellent defense system.
The Gotthard Tunnel divides
the Italian part of Switzerland
from the other regions.
... is unacceptable.
Switzerland is a united country
and it will remain one.
We will make sure of it,
by any means necessary.
I hope you're happy.
Dickhead!
If Ticino does not lay down its weapons
by 6 pm tomorrow evening
we will take military action.
Comrades!
Anyone who does not fully support us
is free to leave the country immediately.
Our doors are open
to all Ticinese refugees.
Everyone can choose their side.
As their conscience dictates.
Our ultimatum stands.
By 6 pm tomorrow, or it will be too late.
Switzerland has lost
its reputation as a stable country.
For this reason, the Swiss franc
is being de facto excluded
from international
financial transactions.
This is having
a massive effect on our currency.
Dictators and mafiosi
are drawing all their money out...
Finally! I'm so hungry!
We have to ration the food.
What do you think, Mr. Bachmann?
Does Ticino have biological weapons?
No, I don't think so. Not at the moment.
Oh! You're in cahoots with them!
- In French.
With your French media group
you've made 100 million with this fiasco.
It's all your fault! Bastard!
Stop! No!
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're interrupting your program
with breaking news.
A video has emerged that sheds light
on the Gotthard Tunnel terrorist attack.
Unfortunately there is no sound
but the video speaks for itself.
The three terrorists
have been positively identified
as Walter Egli,
Jonas Bornand and Francesca Gamboni.
They fled through an access tunnel
and are currently on the run.
I'll tell them the truth.
Maybe you can go back
to the secret service.
I was never in the secret service.
They never called me up, and now...
now it's over.
And your equipment?
From the internet.
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
A BIOGRAPHY
Jeannot.
Jeannot! Wake up!
Jeannot!
Why are you here? What's going on?
Listen.
I think we need to admit it.
- Pull yourself together!
We admit nothing!
That's rule number one.
There will always be setbacks.
Napoleon knew that too.
You have to see it in perspective.
Did you destroy the ballots?
It wasn't so easy.
There were many thousands!
Don't say they're still in the sorting center!
- No.
They're in China,
becoming cocktail umbrellas.
Good. Now calm down.
And go.
- Are you sure?
Yes. Go!
Go!
They mentioned many thousands of ballots
that were in the sorting center.
That's why the German Swiss turnout was so low!
- Precisely!
We found the umbrella factory
in the Chinese province of Jiangsu!
Now we just need to get there.
Mom, where are you?
- On the way to the airport.
I have to go. We're almost there.
Damn!
Open up!
We have important information!
This is our objective.
We descend here to come out here.
We can't risk a war.
We have to talk to them.
- No. Not this time.
For every Ticinese, three French
and five German Swiss will die.
Got it?
- Yes!
Got it!
- Yes!
Francesca! Thank God!
- Well?
What's so important?
I didn't want to lie to you!
I'm against monolingualism too!
Believe me!
I knew coming here was a mistake.
I don't have time for this!
No, wait! Bachmann manipulated the vote!
He stole ballots
from German Swiss voters.
How do you know this?
My mom told me.
It's possible.
You have to check it out!
If it's true...
then there'd be no monolingualism.
And no civil war.
Does he have evidence?
Never trust a German Swiss. Never!
There's no evidence yet.
Exactly. He's just bluffing.
But we could avert a war.
That's reason enough...
No! We've waited long enough.
He's a fanatic.
He's going to get us all killed.
Let them go.
- I don't think I can do that.
We don't have time for this.
At 6 pm today, there will be war.
I'm sorry...
- I said...
let them go.
Wow, that was courageous.
- Shut up.
There's a big media event
tonight in Bern.
The Federal Councillor
will probably declare war on Ticino.
Bachmann will be there.
We have to try to talk to him
before it's too late.
Out!
I like her.
Hey! We have to get to the other side.
- Impossible.
No one can cross the border.
Maybe...
if we disguise ourselves?
Disguise ourselves? As what?
Thank you. Goodbye.
Hey! Over there!
Huh. I didn't know
there were sheep up here.
Damn sheep!
I'll drive. Get in the back.
Stop!
What are you doing?
Where's your sheepskin?
Here, take mine! Put it on!
Hurry up!
Francesca, I'm so sorry.
Spare me!
I know I can't make it up to you.
But I want you to know
that my feelings for you...
Feelings?
- Yes! In the chestnut grove.
Oh, that!
That was just a "one-night stand."
We barely know each other.
For example, I thought you were honest!
I wanted to tell you. Really.
- Wanted!
Wanting isn't enough!
You either do something, or you don't!
But hey!
None of that matters now.
All that matters
is finding Bachmann in time.
He has to admit what he did.
All of Switzerland will be watching.
The whole world.
SEARCH FOR SUSPECTS
It starts in about 30 minutes.
Bachmann is likely in the Federal Palace.
But how do we get in?
I think I know.
Come with me.
We have to check if it's poisoned.
It's been checked already.
Not the food.
Your clothes.
Champagne?
Champagne?
Champagne?
No, thank you.
You idiot! I have to give a speech!
I'm so sorry!
- I'll fix this.
Come with us.
- Come along.
This way.
Here we are.
Thank you. Over there.
Sit down.
You're not going to shoot me.
Go on! Out of my way!
There's been no sign from Ticino
and the deadline has now passed.
The defense minister is
very likely going to declare war.
She has no other choice.
We know that you manipulated the vote.
That's an outrageous accusation!
You're all going to jail.
- We're minutes away from a civil war.
Do you realize that?
I don't think he does.
I'll count to three.
One.
Two.
Two and a half...
Bang!
Can I go now?
I have to give
my speech in a few minutes.
Madame, don't worry.
We're right on schedule.
Where is Bachmann?
He has to take the stage.
Find him!
Fast!
Walter.
Stand a bit closer to Bachmann.
They look similar.
Very similar.
Finally! There you are!
Come with me. Let's go.
Councillor Meyer...
Madame.
Where were you?
In the bathroom.
In the bathroom.
I'm a bit nervous.
There's a frog in my throat.
I'm a bit nervous.
There's a frog in my throat.
Help! I've been kidnapped!
- Shut the hell up!
I can understand. I myself...
Shut the hell up.
He's an imposter!
Excuse me.
But... But we're about to start!
Shit! I told you
I can't give a speech like this!
Sure you can.
- Walter, you're doing great!
Come on, let's practice.
They'll probably clap
when you take the stage.
Then you say:
"Thank you, but I don't
deserve this applause."
Merci... mais je...
"Je" like "Jonas."
"I don't deserve this applause."
- ... don't deserve this applause.
"Indeed, I must confess
something terrible to you."
Indeed, I must confess...
That's why, starting now,
everyone can speak
their own language again.
Mr. Bachmann.
We have to get started.
Please come with me.
If they can tell you're not him,
nothing you say will matter.
Oh, God!
No need to be afraid, Walter.
You can do this!
You think I sleep
with just anyone?
I knew you were someone special.
I knew
when we were dancing under the pergola,
laughing and drinking toasts
with my family.
And when you told that joke!
Even Aunt Giulia had to laugh.
That's when I knew: this Walter
from German Switzerland
is not just anyone.
Walter, you can do this!
Sir, you can go now.
Go ahead.
And now take the stage and tell them.
Just like we practiced.
Nothing can go wrong,
because I'll be telling you...
What's happening?
The transmitter!
Damn!
- Oh, shit!
PEACE
Come on, Walter, you can do it!
Thank you.
But I don't deserve this applause.
Because...
Because...
Tell them!
Indeed, I must confess
something terrible to you.
I manipulated the vote.
I saw to it that ballots
from German Switzerland
disappeared from the sorting center.
Yes!
And I had them sent to China.
Why did you do it?
Hello, my name is Jeannot Bachmann
and I am... a dog.
I am a horse.
What is he doing?
A piece of shit.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Well, in that case,
I can speak German again.
Thank God!
In light of this new information
there will definitely be no war
with our brothers and sisters in Ticino.
This doesn't change anything!
We have to stick to our plan!
Go ahead. I'm going home to my family.
No, no, no!
Brother!
- Brother!
MAKE WAR ON WAR
Walter!
You were amazing!
The charges against you
are not only numerous but also grave.
You cost the SBB several hundred
thousand francs worth of damage.
You stole a Swiss military vehicle,
broke into the Federal Palace and held
Jeannot Bachmann against his will.
The defendant Walter Egli
then pretended to be Bachmann...
Great job!
- Right!
Quiet in the court!
Or I'll hold you in contempt!
The allegations made
could not have been proven.
Had we not received
an anonymous package from China.
Merci.
For that reason, my verdict is...
that you are all declared
innocent of any wrongdoing.
Bravo!
Cheers!
- Grazie!
Don't you want to
come back to work with us?
No. Merci.
And Jonas?
Do you know why he quit?
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Hey! Can we get some service please?
What are you doing here?
We're on our honeymoon.
Who's the lucky one?
- One?
No need to be so old-fashioned.
Walter!
The food for Table 3 is getting cold.
Coming.
Sorry, my mom is here and two ex-colleagues.
I know. Half of German Switzerland.
What did you say?
Half of German Switzerland.
Walter, you really have to learn Italian!