Boynton Beach Club (2005) Movie Script
1
(LOVE AND MARRIAGE PLAYING)
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
This, I tell you, brother
You can't have...
You're like a little kid.
Stop squirming.
Marilyn, you know
I'm ticklish.
Hold still.
Or else I'll nick you
like the last time.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
...institute
you can't disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say
it's elementary
Try, try, try
to separate them
It's an illusion
(GROANS)
Try, try, try, oh, try
and you will only come
So if Bernie calls
about tennis,
tell him I reserved
the courts for 12:30.
Oh, the exterminator's
coming at 2:00.
The ants are back.
Irma's taking me
to the hairdresser,
so I hope
you'll be back by then
to let him in.
Don't worry, sweetie.
Have I ever
let you down before?
(CHUCKLES)
Never.
Love you.
Love you, too.
...one without the other
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(PAPA LOVES MAMBO PLAYING)
Papa loves mambo
Mamma loves mambo
Look at 'em sway with it
Getting so gay with it
Shouting ole with it, wow!
Ugh!
Papa loves mambo
Papa loves mambo
Marty,
you're looking good.
Mamma loves mambo
Papa does great with it
Swings like a gate with it
He loses weight with it,
now!
He goes to
She goes fro
Hey, baby.
He goes fast
She goes slow
He goes left
And she goes right
Papa's looking for Mamma
Hey, Marty.
Papa loves mambo
Mamma loves mambo
Having their fling again
Younger than spring again
Feeling that zing again,
wow!
So I'm in the
appliance department,
waiting 20 minutes, Joyce.
I mean, I don't have all day.
I'm a very busy person.
So finally the salesman,
who couldn't have been
more than 18 years old,
says to me,
"Lady, we can't
take this blender back.
"We haven't even
sold this model
for three years."
So I said to this
little snotnose,
"How would you know?
You don't even look like
"you've worked here
for three years."
And do you know
what he had the nerve
to say to me?
(THUDDING)
He said, "Now
you listen to me, miss, I..."
Wait a second.
One second, Joyce.
I--I think I--I hit
the recycling bin again.
One second, Joyce.
For crying out loud.
...nowhere in sight
(SCREAMS)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Marty was good. He was kind.
He was witty. He was funny.
In fact, whenever you would
see Marty,
you couldn't help
but feel good
and if we felt that way,
you can imagine
how his beloved family felt.
Marilyn, he loved you
with all his heart,
and all his soul,
and all his might
and the legacy of his name
will be an enduring memorial
for all of us.
God has a very special place
in his heart...
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Danny,
hang on to the bag.
Hey,
how are my big boys?
Hi, Ma.
How you doing?
I'm doing and you?
Good.
What's that?
We bought you a dog.
Why?
It will keep you company.
You know
I don't like dogs.
Come on, Ma. Trust me.
You're going to
fall in love with him.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
DANNY: Be nicer. Like this.
Don't hit her, Eric.
Eric, stop!
Ma. Ma, did you hear
what I just said?
What? I'm sorry.
I said, I think
you should move back
up north and live with us.
I mean, the kids would love
having you around
and so would Alan and I.
Right, Alan?
Yeah.
Danny,
take that dog outside.
That's very nice
of both of you,
but I can manage just fine
on my own down here.
Mom, Daddy did
everything for you.
You don't even know
how to balance a checkbook.
So I'll learn.
You haven't driven in years.
How are you going to
get to the supermarket?
Denise, I can walk
everywhere I need to.
Ma, why are you being
so stubborn?
You should sue that woman.
That woman
lives in this community.
I could bump into her
at the supermarket,
or at the clubhouse.
I don't want a big lawsuit.
It could get very ugly.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
DANNY: Oh, yeah...
Danny, Eric.
DENISE: Guys, what's going on?
DANNY: Eric,
you broke that glass.
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
ERIC: Whenever I tell you...
DANNY: Eric, I'm gonna
kick you in the butt.
ALAN: I'm serious.
ERIC: Liar, liar,
pants on fire.
DENISE: I'm warning you guys.
Let's go, on the count...
No. No!
Hi. Hope I didn't come
at a bad time.
I'm Lois Marion.
I live over by the clubhouse.
I don't think we've met.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
No, I don't think
we have.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
From all of us
at the Boynton Beach
Bereavement Club
here's a basket
and an invitation
to our next meeting.
I didn't do it.
He did it.
No, he did.
I can see you're busy
with family.
But if you're interested,
all the information
is on the card.
I know it's difficult.
We've all been there.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way,
I'm a decorator.
I see a lot of houses
and yours is lovely.
Be well. Bye.
Bye.
DENISE: Stop it right now.
You guys...
Get off the...
MOLLY: ...and my grandma,
Phyllis,
was one of the coolest people
I have ever known.
No matter what I did,
she was never judgmental.
She always listened.
She was like my best friend.
Nana, I love you
and will miss you very much.
RABBI: Will the mourners
please rise for the Kaddish?
(ALL CHANTING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Bye.
No kidding.
Look. I got to
call you back, Mona.
Harry Fanolli.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Jack Gudman.
Sorry about your wife, Jack,
but I got to tell you,
it's nice to have
another guy in the group.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oops.
Forgot to
turn this thing off.
I've come here
for over a year.
There's an eight-to-one
woman-to-man ratio.
I swear to God,
never been so popular
in my life.
Let me tell you,
some of these ladies
are still pretty good-looking.
ELAINE:
Good morning, everyone.
Hi, Elaine.
Hi, Elaine.
Let's get started.
We have a new member today.
I'd like you all to meet Jack.
ELAINE: Jack, welcome to
the Boynton Beach
Bereavement Club.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
So, Jack,
would you like to tell us
a little bit about yourself?
(WOMAN COUGHING)
Um...
My wife, Phyllis,
was my companion
and, uh,
best friend for 45 years
and my daughter thought
that I should be
with other people.
Ever since Phyllis died,
I haven't gone out much.
It's like everything's in
slow motion. I'm sorry.
We've all been there.
Believe me,
it gets better with time.
Thanks.
So when did
your wife pass away?
Three and a half months ago.
Look, it's tough.
Right, everybody?
But I picked myself up
and you are going
to do the same thing, Jack.
Harry talks big now,
but he was a basket case
when he first came
to the group.
Really, we all were.
Grief is a normal process.
We have to go through
the stages in order
to come out of it.
How about joining me
for lunch.
They got a great
all-you-can-eat buffet
over at Delray.
Nah, I wouldn't be
good company.
Okay. You're getting on
with your life.
Keeping busy is what helps.
Now, if you need anything,
you give me a call.
See you next week, sexy.
See you, hon.
Oh, and I bet
you're still living off
the frozen casseroles.
How did you know?
Hey, word gets out and all
the single women start
showing up with casseroles.
I got so sick of tuna noodle,
I taught myself how to cook.
I'm pretty good, too.
You know, you should
stop by my place,
I'll teach you
a few tricks.
I also do laundry.
I'm learning the hard way.
All my underwear is pink.
You'll get the hang of it.
So where do you live?
Valencia Shores.
Ritzy. I got a couple of
card buddies over there.
Look. You play pinochle?
We're always
looking for a fourth.
Now look, here's my number.
Don't be a stranger.
Thanks.
(PHONE RINGING)
PHYLLIS ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi, you've reached
Jack and Phyllis.
We're out hang-gliding
and can't come to the phone
so leave us a message
and we'll call you back
when we land.
LINDA: Hi, Dad, it's me.
Don't you think it's time
you changed that message?
I'll call you tonight.
Love you. Bye.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
WOMAN: Oh, I should have
ordered the ranch dressing
on the side.
Maybe I shouldn't have
ordered a cheeseburger
and a milkshake.
Do you know I lost five pounds
on that new Malibu diet
last week?
Lois, honey, you're skinny.
You can eat what you want.
You think so?
Oh, look at these jeans.
These pants last week
were tight.
No, really. Now look.
You think it's funny?
Look good, huh?
I think you should
gain a few pounds.
You're all skin and bones.
Camille,
that's not nice.
It's not like anybody's
gonna see me naked.
Not that I mind.
Lois, you know
that guy over there?
I think he's staring at you.
Excuse me.
Do you know me?
You look familiar.
Where are you from?
Cleveland, Ohio, originally.
But now Boynton Beach.
I moved to Fort Lauderdale
seven years ago from Chicago.
Better weather here.
Are you retired?
No, no, not yet.
I still enjoy my work.
Oh, that's wonderful.
What do you do?
Houses. Offices. Condos.
Well, maybe
that's how you know me.
I'm a decorator.
I've worked for
lots of clients in the area.
They love my sense of color.
Um...
Why don't I give you my card,
you know, maybe we could
do business some time.
Well, it's a pleasure
meeting you, Lois.
Thanks.
Oh, my God,
I can't believe
you just did that.
Good for you, Lo.
You go after what you want.
What? Like I'm going
to ruin my reputation?
Ladies?
Have a nice day.
And who ordered the burger?
Me.
And by the way, ladies,
that gentleman over there,
he picked up your check.
Well.
Oh, that's what
I call classy.
Pass the ketchup.
A 5'6" brunette
who loves Shakespeare,
opera and bird watching.
Seeks sensitive intellectual
who wants to share
a meeting of the minds
with a Rubenesque beauty.
Rubenesque beauty.
Must be an elephant.
(COMPUTER CLICKS)
I love yoga...
WOMAN: I love yoga,
the Kabbalah and Zen Buddhism.
I was voted "most serene"
by the members of my ashram.
Are we meant for each other?
I don't think so, honey.
WOMAN 2: Hi,
my name is Florence.
I am 55 years young.
I love concerts, dancing,
theater and have been told
that I'm still very sexy.
If you're an adventurous man
who has a good sense of humor,
please respond.
Sexy. Sounds promising.
Hi, Florence.
My name is Harry.
I'm a well-built guy of 70.
I enjoy dancing, tennis, golf
and midnight strolls
along the beach.
Please send a photo.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hey, Jack. Wasn't sure
you'd be coming back.
Why are there
so many people here?
It's the regional group.
Meets monthly.
People come from
all the local senior clubs.
Harry.
Hi, beautiful.
Who's your friend?
Jack. He's new.
Hi. I'm Sandi Welles.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
My card.
Elaine, our group leader,
encourages us to do this.
If you're lonely
and you just want to talk
to someone, call me.
ELAINE:
Good morning, everyone.
ALL: Good morning, Elaine.
I'm glad we have
such a big turnout today.
First, I'd like to welcome
our new members.
The first step to healing
is knowing that you have the
love and support of others.
Remember,
today is rap session.
So you may speak freely.
Nothing said is off limits.
Does anyone have anything
they would like to discuss?
Yes.
Sex.
(ALL LAUGHING)
What about sex?
What do you say to a fellow
who can't raise the flag?
Forget him, honey.
Find yourself a boy toy.
I think we should
move on to the next topic.
We haven't heard from
any of our new members yet.
Um...
Would you mind standing?
Oh.
My name is Marilyn Coopers.
Welcome, Marilyn.
MAN: Hi, Marilyn.
WOMAN: Welcome, Marilyn.
I'd like to know
how to deal with my anger.
My husband died
in an accident,
a stupid
and senseless accident.
It just makes me
so angry sometimes.
I think many of us here have
felt a certain amount of anger
from the death of a spouse.
But I can't help thinking,
if, uh, we just talked
for one minute longer,
if I'd given him a kiss,
if, uh, Marty hadn't taken
the garbage out,
then maybe
he wouldn't have been there
at that spot at that moment
on that sidewalk
when that stupid woman
was backing her car out,
you know.
Oh, I'm...
I'm sorry. I just needed to
get that out loud, you know.
I'm sorry. Thank you.
Marilyn, wait up.
Marilyn.
Look, I just
wanted to say that
I know it took a lot of nerve
speaking out like that.
I sure hope you're going to
come back next Tuesday.
Probably not.
To be honest, there's
two things I don't like.
Doctors and support groups.
But there was
so much commotion
at my house this morning,
I just had to get out.
I know my daughter means well,
but I can't wait till tomorrow
when she and her kids
and that damn dog leave.
I must sound like
a terrible person.
Not at all.
Look, would you like
to get a cup of coffee?
Well, thanks, but
I don't think I'm up for it.
Oh, come on. Come on.
I like your guts.
Okay.
Good. Great. Do you want
to follow me in my car?
I don't drive.
You don't drive?
Well, my license expired
a few years ago
and I just never renewed it.
Well, how
did you get here?
I walked.
You walked?
Nobody walks
in Boynton Beach.
Come on, girl,
I got my car
right around here.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry if I was
too forward earlier,
giving you my card,
but, hey,
how else are you going to
meet people, right?
Anyway, I was wondering if
you'd want to accompany me
to a dance at my club?
Women aren't allowed
to go to dances alone
and there are never enough men
and you have to
bring a man to get in,
but once you're inside,
you can dance
with anyone you want.
Um...
I'm sorry. I... I...
I would-- I would love
to help you out, but, uh,
I'm just not ready yet.
Well, if you ever just
need to talk to someone,
call me.
I'm a really good listener.
Uh, Sandi.
If I ever did go
to that dance,
I'd certainly want
to dance with you.
Who do you think you are,
Cary Grant?
WOMAN ON TV: Architecture
and design is influenced
by both ancient elements
and by 18th and 19th century
Parisian design elements.
French Country
is centuries old...
I lost about three inches
in my waist in three months.
It's great, no matter
what age, no matter
what shape you are in.
Everybody can benefit.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER:
It's the hottest
fitness trend and...
(SIGHING)
(DOG WHIMPERING)
What do you want?
Whatever it is, you're not
going to get it, so go away.
(DOG BARKS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
You're in the wrong line.
You're going to need to go
to line four
for expired licenses.
The sign says license renewal.
Your license expired
in 1998
and since you're 65,
you're going to have to
take the test over.
So go to line four,
get the paperwork,
take the completed forms
to line one,
which is
new permit applications.
Do you-- Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Honey, I may be 65,
but I'm not a frigging idiot.
(SIGHING)
Next, please.
Come on in.
I want to show you something.
Look at this piece.
Look at this piece of art.
Isn't it fabulous?
What do you think?
No. Not my style.
Mrs. Sherman,
I thought you wanted
to spice up your life.
I do,
but not that spicy.
This is sexy.
I don't want sexy.
Okay.
I don't like it.
No, I don't either.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Look at this. Clean lines.
Sophisticated. Elegant.
What do you think?
Red's not my color.
Mrs. Sherman, this isn't red.
This is crimson.
Makes your skin glow.
I've got enough glow.
Come and sit down.
Just try it.
It's so comfortable.
I think you'll...
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh, excuse me, will you?
I have to take this call.
Be right back.
Make yourself comfortable.
Hello.
This is Donald Peete.
We met at the coffee shop.
Do you remember me?
Oh, the real estate
developer.
I hope I'm not
catching you at a bad time.
No. No, no, no.
Listen, I thought
it might be fun if we got
together, maybe had a picnic,
got to know each other.
I haven't done that in years.
Good.
How about Friday afternoon?
You know I'm going to
have to check my book.
Will you hold on?
(WHISPERS) Thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Uh, looks like
I'm free Friday.
Good. Then I'll pick you up
at 1:00. The address
on your card, right?
That's right.
That's right. Okay.
See you then.
Bye.
(CAR HONKING)
Okay. You ready
for your driving lesson?
Are you sure
you want to do this?
I could call a professional
driving school.
I taught my kid.
How hard can it be?
Come on. Let's go.
I'm sorry.
Relax, honey.
Just relax. Okay?
Okay.
It's like sex.
Gets easier after
the first time, okay?
I'm sorry.
I just can't do this.
It's too difficult.
You're doing good.
I feel out of control.
I want to go home.
(MOANING)
Marilyn. Marilyn, please.
Come on, get back in the car.
Really, all it takes
is a little practice.
You were doing great.
I'm really sorry.
I know you must think
I'm such a big baby,
but it's really difficult.
This car smells like Marty.
I understand. All right, look.
We'll just go nice and slow,
till you feel comfortable.
Okay?
Okay.
I'm gonna turn on the radio
and help you relax.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
How am I doing?
Honey, before you know it,
we'll be cruising like
a couple of college girls
on our way down to Key West
for spring... Brake!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
LOIS: Hey, jerk, watch out.
Where'd you buy your license?
Typical Florida driver.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
I'll park the car.
You get on line.
It gets busy.
Best early bird in town.
WOMAN: I never ate un-kosher
in my whole life
till I moved here.
MAN: You're full of baloney.
You ate lobster.
I'm not used to
eating quite so early.
But you can't beat the prices.
I mean, what can you buy
for $5.99 these days?
Yeah.
Phyllis and I used...
I'm sorry. I shouldn't
talk about her all the time.
It's okay. It means you had
a really good marriage
and they say
if you've had a good marriage,
then you're not afraid
to enter into
a new relationship.
Uh, so, um,
when did
your husband pass away?
Leonard died four years ago
from a heart attack.
He was a very sensitive man.
Just like you, Jack.
You think I'm sensitive?
Mmm-hmm.
How long were you
and Leonard married?
A long time, Jack.
We were
high-school sweethearts.
I met my wife
in high school too.
Jack. Why don't you
come over Saturday afternoon
and go swimming at my club?
Thanks, but, uh, I can't.
My daughter
and my granddaughter
are coming down this weekend
to help me, uh,
sift through Phyllis' things.
Oh.
Okay.
Some other time?
Sure. Sure. Of course.
SANDI: It's just
right up here,
just past this car.
Are you sure you don't want
to come in? It's only 6:30,
the night is young.
You could be home
in bed by 8:00.
Uh...
Thanks,
but I've got to get up early
and go to the airport.
I know.
From what you told me
about Phyllis, she sounded
like a wonderful woman.
I'm sure
she'd want you to go out
and enjoy your life.
Oh. Wait. Wait.
Thank you.
Don't get any ideas.
I'm not always going to be
such a gentleman.
Jack, you don't
always have to be
such a gentleman.
Good night.
Good night.
(WOMAN ON PA CHATTERING)
Gramps.
Whoa!
Hi.
You look good, Dad.
Oh.
Hi.
How you holding up?
I'm okay. You know.
Every week it gets easier.
How about you?
I'm managing.
Come on.
All right.
It's hard to imagine
that Nana ever wore
something like this.
Can I have it?
Sure.
I remember when your mother
wore that to your Aunt Sally's
20th wedding anniversary.
She was so damn sexy.
Dad.
No, no, no.
See for yourself.
There's a photograph
that she wouldn't let me
get framed because she...
I thought I could do this.
Gramps.
What are these?
Those are
your grandmother's diaries.
I didn't even know she kept
a diary till I found them
in the back of her closet.
Can I read one?
Would you like me
reading your diary?
If Nana were alive,
she'd let me.
They did have
a very special relationship.
Fine. Whatever.
Let's all have some lunch.
I'm not hungry.
I think
I'll go down to the pool.
(SIGHS)
(DISCO INFERNO PLAYING)
Burn, baby burn
INSTRUCTOR: Come on guys,
pump it up. Let's go!
Get it together.
And one, and two and three.
Grab your noodles.
Let's go.
(SCREAMS)
Will someone please
watch this kid?
No splashing in the pool.
You're gonna move, bend.
Bend. Bend and one...
I met this woman
on the internet
named Florence.
Sounds really promising.
I'll open.
Twenty bucks says
she's a dog.
I don't think so.
I asked her
to send me a photo.
Did you send her
a photo of you?
Yeah,
me from 20 years ago.
How do you know
she won't do the same?
I don't know, Marv,
I've got a good feeling
about this one.
Hey, we're playing cards
over here!
Come on!
Hey, Lois.
Hi.
You know, it must be
school break. Everybody's
grandkids are here.
I like having
all the kids around.
It makes the place feel young.
Nice. Let's take these two.
Yeah.
Oh.
Is this what you read
for fun?
I can't help it.
I was a ninth-grade
English teacher.
I won't hold that
against you.
INSTRUCTOR: ...four and one.
Two. Three. Very good.
Come on guys...
...four and march in place.
Excellent...
That's her, isn't it?
Yeah.
I don't know
how she has the nerve
to come out here.
She lives here.
If I was her, I would have
sold my house and moved away
a long time ago.
I'm going to go home.
Okay, I'll go with you.
No, no, no. You stay.
I've got
some housework to do.
Marilyn, hey.
Why don't you confront her?
Really.
Why don't you just right now,
walk over to her
and tell her
she has ruined your life.
Okay?
Maybe even just give her
a pop, you know?
I promise it's gonna
make you feel so much better.
(WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE
PLAYING)
Why do fools fall in love?
Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers await
the break of the day
Why do they fall in love?
Love is a losing game
Love can be a shame
I know, I'm a fool you see
For that fool is me
Tell me why
Tell me why
(CAR HONKING)
Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers...
(SIGHING)
(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)
Hi.
Perfect day for a picnic.
Perfect.
You look gorgeous.
Oh, thanks. So do you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I like your car.
Yeah.
First time I ever made out
in the back seat,
it was in a Mustang.
You going to tell me
all about that?
I don't think so.
Well, maybe.
After I get to know you
a little better.
You're a tease.
Wow. Finally a man
who can see over
the steering wheel.
I like that about you.
You're so wonderfully blunt.
Thanks.
So where we going?
You'll see.
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
LOIS: Are we almost there?
Not quite.
Hey. Time out.
(LAUGHING)
Wrong shoes.
Well, you said picnic.
I wasn't expecting sand.
(EXCLAIMS)
(LAUGHING)
Okay.
Okay.
Just a couple of more miles.
Grab that corner.
That's it. Grab it.
Okay, down.
Okay, ready?
Let's try it.
(LAUGHING)
So tell me about yourself.
Marriage? Kids?
No, no, no, no.
I don't play that game.
What game?
Down here, it's always
the same conversation.
I don't want to know
how many kids you have.
I don't want to hear
about what your husband
did for a living
and please don't ask me
if I want to see the pictures
of your beautiful
and talented grandchildren.
So you're not even curious
to know who I am?
I didn't say that.
I'm very curious
to know who you are.
How you think.
What makes you laugh.
That's a tall order,
you know.
You're up to it.
That's what I like about you.
You're not afraid to say
what's on your mind.
So many women are just...
They just, I don't...
They just sit there
and they listen.
They don't have an opinion.
That's not
what I'm looking for.
Some guys don't like
a straight shooter.
Well, I do.
I'm looking for a girl
who's smart,
interesting and fun.
I want to wake up
every morning
and look over and...
smile.
(EXCLAIMS)
Am I going too fast?
A little bit.
I really like you.
I don't want to mess this up.
"Dear Harry, I'm intrigued.
"Love to know more about you.
"Attached a photo."
Wow.
Dear Florence,
in response to your request,
I'm 5 ft.11 inches tall,
with a full head
of dark brown hair.
The ladies think
I'm good looking,
but you decide for yourself.
Please call.
(MUMBLING)
I'd love to hear your voice.
By the way,
I can drive at night.
(TV CHATTERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
WOMAN: Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Speak louder. I can't hear.
Is this Harry Fanolli?
Who's this?
This is Florence.
Florence, Florence.
Oh, Florence. Florence.
I, uh...
I was hoping you'd call.
Is it a bad time?
No, no, no, no.
You didn't catch me
at a bad time.
I don't have bad times.
Life's too short.
Would you like
to go out some time?
Great. Great. Sure. Sure.
I'd love to go out sometime.
How's Saturday night,
my place?
Saturday's fine.
See you at 7:00.
Right.
Bye.
Bye, bye.
(DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME
PLAYING)
Do that to me
one more time
(MOANS)
Once is never enough
(MOANS)
I had
a really nice time today.
I want to see you again.
How about
tomorrow afternoon?
(CHUCKLES)
It's getting late.
I have to go.
Oh, baby
Do that to me once again
Bye.
I'll call you tomorrow.
(WHISPERS) Okay.
He's watching. Be cool.
Don't turn around.
Pass that by me
one more time
Once is never enough
for my heart to hear
(GRUNTS)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Betty Hammond.
I was a friend of Phyllis'.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Well, my family just left
and I made way too much food
so I thought I would drop off
some of my leftovers.
Well, thanks very much.
I'd love to chat,
but my daughter is here
visiting from up north.
Oh, no problem.
When I come back
to pick up the dish
then we'll have
a nice long chat
and then we'll really
get to know each other.
Okay. Sure.
Bye.
Bye.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(COUGHING)
Molly, open this door.
Okay.
Right now.
Chill out. I'm coming.
I can't believe
you brought pot
on the plane
and you're smoking it
in your grandparents' house.
For your information,
I did not bring pot
the plane.
I'm not that stupid.
I found it in Nana's closet.
Oh, yeah, right.
Ask Pops.
Dad?
Could you come here?
I'm sorry to get you
involved in this, Dad,
but Molly says
she found marijuana
in Mom's closet.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot that.
She took it for the pain.
A lot of people
on chemotherapy do.
I even tried it once
to keep her company,
but it gave me a headache.
Dad. You smoked pot?
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
but with
all that was going on,
I never thought to mention it.
Why don't we all
have some breakfast?
I'll make the coffee.
We have a big day
ahead of us.
Ma, we just have to sit
on a fucking plane.
Did you know Nana wanted
to be a psychiatrist?
I read it in her diary.
No.
I just thought
she wanted to get married
and have kids.
Actually,
she always regretted
marrying so young
and then not
going to college.
Really?
All those years together,
I thought I knew
everything about her.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, this is Jack.
I'm not here,
but if you leave your number
I'll call you back.
Good.
You changed the message.
SANDI: Hi, Jack.
It's me, Sandi.
Who's Sandi?
I was just thinking
that maybe
if your family has left,
we can get together sometime.
Hi, Sandi? Hi.
No, no, they haven't left yet.
It's too soon.
Too soon for what?
For Gramps to have
a lady friend.
Hello, there.
You must be Harry.
Wow.
You're even more gorgeous
than your picture, Flo.
Is it okay
if I call you Flo?
Sure, Harry.
Thank you. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
I made martinis.
I hope you like them.
They're my favorite drink.
My favorite, too.
Straight up.
With a twist?
With a twist.
You know, Flo,
I have to admit, uh,
I was a little
nervous coming here.
You know, you hear
all these weird stories
about people who meet online,
but let me tell you something,
you are one pleasant surprise.
Oh, thank you, Harry.
Here's to you, Flo.
And to you, Harry.
You know, I made this
7:30 dinner reservation
at a great restaurant.
Rocco's Grill Room.
Best steaks in town.
A nice juicy porterhouse
with a baked potato.
That is my favorite meal.
I don't believe it.
Mine too.
Oh, you like music,
Harry?
I love music.
Oh, well.
(YOU'RE NOBODY TILL SOMEBODY
LOVES YOU PLAYING ON STEREO)
There's nothing better
than that.
Wanna dance?
Now?
Come on, Harry.
Just a short one.
Sure. Why not?
My friends are never
gonna believe this.
I should have
brought a camera.
You know, if we're gonna make
that dinner reservation,
we really have to be going.
Mind if I use your toilette?
Right down there
to the right.
I'll be right back.
Don't go away.
You lucky bastard.
Florence?
FLORENCE: I'm in here, Harry.
Come on in.
What's the matter?
Are you shy?
No, no. It's just that
you're very different
than the other women I know.
I mean, the last woman
who came on to me
like this was,
you know, way back
when I was in the army
and she was a hooker.
You know, I think
we got kind of
a weird situation here.
I mean, I don't want you
to take it the wrong way,
but this isn't exactly
what I had in mind tonight.
You don't like me.
No, no. I like you a lot.
You're a wonderful gal.
I could help you relax, Harry.
No, thanks.
But, look, if you could
use a little cash...
Don't you think
I'm worth more than that?
Got to keep a few bucks
for gas and tolls.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Oh, my God.
What's an escrow account?
(DOG WHIMPERING)
I don't know.
Okay, smarty-pants,
you tell me.
What good are you?
They should have given me
something I really needed,
like an accountant.
Who the heck writes
these insurance policies?
A normal person
can't understand this.
Well, then just put it aside.
I won't pay it.
I don't have a life
so why should I have
life insurance?
No, we are going to
figure this out.
Speaking of your life,
it would be good for you
to get out more. Socialize.
Maybe even go
on a date some time.
I am not interested.
I am not trying to push you,
but I know a really nice guy.
He owns a car dealership
down in Boca
and his wife passed away
last year and
he's looking to go out.
Well, if he's so nice,
why don't you go out with him?
Because there's somebody
I'm already interested in,
thank you.
Lois, how long
has your husband been dead?
Eight years.
Really? Eight years?
Mmm-hmm.
Why do you still go
to a bereavement club?
Oh, I didn't go there
for my husband,
I went there for Matthew.
My son.
(GASPS) I'm sorry.
Yeah.
It's been
two and a half years now.
He lived in Los Angeles
with his friend, John,
but when Matt got sick,
they both came back here
and lived with me.
It was hard for me, Marilyn,
when I lost my husband, but
there's nothing like
losing your child.
No.
Anyhow, one day somebody
knocked on my door
and they invited me
to the bereavement club.
When I first walked
into that meeting,
I felt like a Martian.
Nothing in common
with any of those people.
But they were so kind.
I didn't have any family
so they became like my family
and I'm sure that's why
I keep going back.
You know, I...
I can't make heads or tails
out of this.
Maybe you need to call
your insurance broker.
Do you have his number?
Yeah. I think
Marty has his number
in his desk. I'll go look.
Lois.
Lois!
What?
Oh, my God.
Lucy Lucy Slut Goddess?
I found it hidden
under our tax returns.
I can't believe
Marty watched this.
Typical guy stuff.
Have you ever watched one?
Me? Are you kidding?
I did.
It was very educational.
Really?
Now, a good piece of veal
is like a good woman.
You gotta be tender
but still show her
who's boss.
Harry, just tell me what to do
and I'll do it. Just don't
expect me to be creative.
All right, just crack
a couple of eggs
in that bowl.
Take this veal, dip it
in the egg and put it
in the bread crumbs.
Oh, God.
I...
Look, let me
help you with that.
Okay. We need some oil.
There's some
in that cabinet on the right.
You're kidding, right?
What?
This stuff is only good
for chasing mosquitoes away.
Olive oil.
Ah!
Good. Good.
Now there should be
a frying pan down below there.
(PANS CLATTERING)
Hey, Galloping Gourmet.
That's a saucepan.
I'm never going to
get the hang of this.
Come on, come on.
We're having fun here.
Don't you wanna
learn how to cook?
Don't you wanna learn
how to impress the ladies?
Then give me a smile.
Come on, a little smile.
Ready? We're gonna smile.
One. Two. Three.
See, huh? That's better.
Think, we're being creative.
We're getting in touch
with our female sides.
See if you can find
a frigging frying pan.
I think it's right over there.
HARRY: Not bad.
Not bad? It's great.
I hope I can remember
how to make this
when Sandi comes over.
I was going to defrost
a tuna casserole.
This will really impress her.
Look, I'll be on call,
just in case
you need me. 24/7.
So, dinner, wine, music.
You ought to
expect something.
Oh, boy. I don't think
I'm up to that.
Look, it's your second date.
A little kissy face is okay.
We already did that.
You sly devil.
See, you're gonna be fine.
But I have to warn you
about the weird part.
What's that?
Well, being naked
for the first time in 35 years
with a new person.
I mean, you know,
with your wife it's different
because you grow old together,
but with a new woman
you notice that her, you know,
her boobs are sort of...
And her butt is kind of...
Then it hits you that
you're about to have sex
with an old lady.
Jeez, we're not going to
have sex. I just
invited her over for dinner.
Bring a rubber just in case.
What for?
Hey, there's a lot
of bad stuff out there today.
You know, people think
that you get to a certain age
and there's no more sex.
That ain't true.
To women. God bless
each and every one of them.
Salute.
Salute.
(WOMAN MOANING)
(MAN MOANING)
(EXCLAIMS)
That's way too up close
and personal.
How do they get
the camera to do that?
Charlie and I watched
a porno film back in the '70s
with that actress,
what was her name?
She was really, really famous.
Linda. Linda something.
BOTH: Evans?
Linda Evans did pornos?
No, Linda Lovelace.
Yes.
Deep Throat.
Oh, my God.
What's going on down there?
You know what's interesting?
How all the vaginas
look so different.
CAMILLE: Lou used to say
mine was beautiful.
Oh, yeah? Is it?
Oh, how should I know?
I never looked.
Who can bend over that far?
What kind of person looks
at their you know what?
Oh, oh, oh,
see the girl on the left?
Yeah.
Okay. Mine looks like hers.
You're kidding.
You're kidding.
No. Just a little less used.
(WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
PLAYING ON PA)
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
Jack Gudman?
And a Happy New Year
Mr. Gudman.
Yes.
You take one
erectile tablet 30 minutes
before sexual intercourse.
If you exceed
the recommended dose,
your erection may persist
for several hours afterwards.
You may also experience
nausea, diarrhea,
loss of appetite.
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.
Oh, Mr. Gudman.
You'll find condoms
in aisle five.
(WOOLY BULLY PLAYING)
Up you go.
Okay. Okay. Good.
What's that?
Oh, that's good.
Okay, we're gonna turn.
Look forward.
Okay.
Straight your head.
Okay. Looking.
Heels together.
Okay.
Push out side to side.
Okay.
Would you do me a favor?
What's that?
Would you let me know
when I'm having fun?
Here we go.
Okay, easy, easy.
That's good.
That's good.
Matty told Hatty
About a thing she saw
Had two big horns
And a wooly jaw
Wooly bully
Wooly bully
You're doing great.
I'm going to let you go.
Ready?
Are you?
Uh-huh. One, two...
Okay.
...three.
(EXCLAIMING)
How am I doing?
Great.
That's it.
Uh, um...
How do you slow
these things down?
Use your brakes.
Huh?
Use your brake.
Put your right heel down.
Oh, my.
I can't stop!
Put your right heel down!
I can't stop!
Try the other heel.
(SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
Uh-oh.
(LAUGHING)
Well, that was fun.
How am I doing so far?
You're not like
most of the guys I meet.
How's that?
Oh, you're mysterious
and unpredictable.
Most of the men I know
don't have that kind
of spark anymore.
I just don't have time
for the bullshit, Lois.
I want to enjoy each day
because before I know it,
I'll be some old guy
in a nursing home
wearing diapers.
Most guys don't
talk like that to me.
I mean, that's great.
It's weird, you know.
I feel like I know you
and yet I know so little
about you personally.
If there's something
you really want to know
about me, fire away.
I'll give you
one free question.
Okay.
You widowed or divorced?
Divorced. Seven years.
Does that bother you?
No.
Okay, you get
a free question.
What year were you born?
No fair.
(WATER RUNNING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
Donald.
DONALD: Come in.
No, I think
I'll wait out here.
Your cell phone keeps ringing.
I think it might be important.
Okay. Be right there.
Thanks.
Hello? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Um...
Um...
Lois, something's come up.
And I've got to go. I'm sorry.
It's a work thing.
Hey, no problem.
I had
a really good time today.
I swear
this won't happen again.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
SANDI: Are you sure
I can't help you?
Just relax. Take it easy.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
Are you sure
everything's all right?
Totally under control.
(FIRE ALARM SOUNDING)
Jack?
(COUGHING)
(GROANS)
This food is terrible.
No, it's...
It's delicious.
It's terrible.
You don't have to say so
just to be nice.
Listen. I've got
a frozen tuna casserole
in the refrigerator.
I have a confession to make.
I brought along a backup.
What do you mean, a backup?
I have a lasagna
in the trunk of my car.
A lasagna?
What can I say?
I was a Girl Scout.
Always prepared.
Next time I'm taking you out
to a nice restaurant.
You're a good sport.
You deserve it.
Well, that would be nice.
Do you like music, Jack?
Phyllis loved classical.
Good. What about you?
I guess. I mean,
who doesn't like music?
(I'M A FOOL TO CARE
PLAYING ON STEREO)
I'm a fool to care
When you treat me this way
I know I love you
But what can I do?
I'm a fool to care
I'm a fool to cry
When you tell me goodbye
You left me so blue
SANDI: You okay in there?
I'm just washing up.
I'll be right in.
(WATER RUNNING)
Here goes nothing.
Come over here, you.
I can hardly see you.
(GASPS)
Can you see me now?
Don't you like the way I look?
I do, I do, but...
It's okay.
You can turn around.
I'm covered.
Don't you find me attractive?
I do.
Should we lie down on the bed?
Uh... That's a good idea.
Um...
Don't get me wrong, but
you're on Phyllis' side.
You want me to change sides?
That might help.
I haven't done this
for a long time.
Let's just
start off kissing.
Take it nice and slow.
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, you don't like that?
I do. It's just...
I'm having
a tough time relaxing.
Oh, well, maybe
I can help you.
(EXCLAIMS)
No good?
It's just that Phyllis...
Oh, Jack.
Oh, I don't mean to be mean,
but I'm not Phyllis
and if you gave me
half a chance, you might
actually enjoy yourself.
I'm sorry. You're right.
But my heart is beating
out of my chest.
I don't want you
to have a coronary.
We don't have to
do anything.
Could we just cuddle?
Sure. Cuddling's good.
(SIGHS)
Mmm.
You're terrific, Sandi.
I don't deserve you.
I know.
(OH, WHAT A NIGHT PLAYING)
Oh, what a night
Late December back in '63
What a very special time
for me
'Cause I remember
what a night
Oh, what a night
You know, I didn't even...
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Oh, what a night
You know, I didn't...
Hi.
Hi. You want to join me?
Oh, I can't.
My exterminator's here
and then I've got
an appointment
with my accountant.
Why don't you come in
for a quick cup of coffee?
Oh, okay. Be good.
Come on.
(HUMMING)
So how's it going
with your new beau?
I really like him, Marilyn.
I really... I mean, I cannot
stop daydreaming about him.
I'm so happy for you.
And he's funny,
he's romantic.
You know this is the first guy
that I have met
that can even hold
a candle to my Charlie.
Oh, it sounds too good
to be true.
I know.
I've been thinking that.
Like, that there's got to be
a catch, right?
Maybe he's married, huh?
No, no. He's divorced.
He doesn't talk much
about himself.
You know, he's very private.
I like that.
MAN: Done out here.
Who's that? Oh.
My bug guy.
I think I found out
where those ants
are coming from. They were...
Lois.
Donald?
What are you doing here?
What's going on?
Spraying.
I can see that.
I'll leave the bill
on the table
outside now.
Thanks, Don.
I'll call you, Lois.
Oh, my God.
Is my exterminator Don
your Donald?
Oh, God.
I thought he was
a real estate developer?
So did I.
He kills bugs for a living.
Yeah, but he's
a really nice guy, Lo.
I feel a stress headache
coming on.
Can I have a couple aspirin?
Yeah, sure.
Shit.
Shit!
How'd it go
with Sandi?
It was great, right?
So how did it go?
Great, like you said.
I'm dying here.
Can't you spare us
a couple of juicy details?
No. It's not my style.
Good job.
Very interesting sketch.
This I gotta see.
You're a regular Picasso.
Hey, let me
see yours, Harry.
It's not very good.
You underestimate yourself,
Mr. Fanolli.
I think, if you took
this class
a little more seriously,
you could develop
your natural inner talent.
Really?
Yes.
Hey, Harry's got
inner talent.
Ask the ladies. I've got
outer talent, too.
So you gonna see her again?
As a matter of fact, I am.
Friday night.
That's good. Good, but...
Word of advice.
These dames are shrewd.
Next thing you know,
she'll be moving in and
you'll be playing canasta.
So take it slow.
Oh, this was
so delicious.
Everybody raves
about this place.
I don't know why
I've never been here before.
Me either,
but you deserve it.
The pleasure
was all mine.
You're a very sexy guy, Jack.
You're just saying that.
No, it's true.
A lot of guys
improve with age.
Especially the shy ones.
You know,
I was married 45 years
and you're the only woman
that I've ever been with.
I'm sure you were
a very loyal husband, Jack.
You'd be surprised
how many men
cheat on their wives.
(EXHALES)
Sandi?
Wow. It's been a while.
You look fantastic.
Well, thank you.
I mean, what a small world.
I'm here on vacation.
Well, actually
it's my honeymoon.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Sandi, meet Andi. Andi,
meet the first Mrs. Welles.
ANDI: Hi.
Hi, Leonard Welles.
Jack Gudman.
Hello, Jack.
My wife, Andrea.
ANDI: Hi, Jack.
Nice to meet you.
Well, we'd better go.
It was nice seeing you both
and, Sandi,
you look wonderful.
Have a wonderful dinner,
okay?
I'm confused.
That was Leonard,
your husband?
Yeah.
I thought he was dead?
I've got to go.
No key lime pie?
Not tonight.
I don't understand.
How could you?
Why would you join
a bereavement club
if your husband was alive?
Because when Leonard left
it was like a death.
I have no family.
I have no children.
A lot of people are
threatened by divorcees.
At least if you're a widow
you get sympathy.
I'm sorry.
Please take me home.
(SIGHS)
Look, I don't think
this is going to work out,
Jack.
You deserve a nice,
uncomplicated woman.
Not me.
(SUGAR SUGAR PLAYING)
Sugar
Ah, honey, honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me
wanting you
(WHOOPING)
Wow.
Nice wheels.
Thanks to your friend
with the dealership in Boca,
I got it for 10%
above wholesale.
Sounds like love.
And
I passed!
Nice picture, too.
Oh, congratulations.
Thanks. Hop in.
I'll take you for a spin.
Okay.
I just can't believe the
wonder of this feeling too
Look out
for the yo-yo on your left.
Lois, will you relax?
I can't help it.
I'm just...
He misled me.
I'm upset. Okay?
He told me that he was
a real estate developer.
Well, maybe he never
actually said that.
Maybe you assumed he was
a developer because that's
what you wanted him to be.
Well, he didn't correct me
and that's the same as a lie.
True.
But you lied to him, too.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
You lied about your age.
Oh, please. That's a totally
different thing.
That's a little fib.
Lois,
will you be honest?
Would you have been as
attracted to him if you knew
he killed bugs for a living?
Do you think I'm a snob?
Are you?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho, Harry.
Hi.
So where's Sandi?
She's a real sweetheart.
She likes you a lot,
even though you can't
cook worth crap.
How would you know?
She told me.
ELAINE: Welcome, everyone.
Hi, Elaine.
Good morning, Elaine.
Please take your seats.
Thanks.
We all know this is
a difficult time of year,
especially for those of you
celebrating the holidays
for the first time
without your spouses.
And so there's been
a suggestion
from several of the other
seniors clubs in the area
that we all celebrate
the New Year together.
Okay. So let's hear
some party ideas.
How about
a wet T-shirt contest?
Sounds good to me.
What about a 1950s
theme party, like a,
like a sock hop or a prom.
Okay. Let's take a vote.
Who would like a 1950s-style
New Year's Eve party?
Okay, so we're going to
need to form some committees.
So what about it, Mar?
You gonna be my date?
Yeah, okay.
Maybe we should do our hair
like we used to wear it
in high school.
Maybe
I'll wear a beehive.
(GROANS)
Bad idea.
What are we gonna wear?
Oh, I got a bunch of great
old clothes hanging
in the back of my closet.
Honey, whatever you wear,
every man at the party
will be drooling.
Big deal. Most of them
are already drooling.
(TWO DIVIDED BY LOVE PLAYING)
I'll call you later.
Two divided by love
Bye.
Bye.
And one is a lonely number
Two divided by love
Can only be sad
Can only hurt one another
Every night
your tears come down
And I know
how you're feelin' inside
Loneliness is no ones friend
I've been takin'
the same kind of ride
And that just shouldn't be
If you're still lovin' me
Come on baby
Two divided by love
Can only be one
And one is a lonely number
Two divided by love
Can only be sad
Can only hurt one another
(DOORBELL RINGING)
I'm Marilyn Coopers.
Marty Coopers' wife.
I know who you are.
I'm so sorry.
I should have called you
months ago, but I wasn't able
to bring myself to it.
I wish you had.
It would have helped.
Look.
I've had
a very rough time, too.
A real nervous breakdown.
I don't know why,
but for some reason
it's comforting for me
to know that you suffered too.
What are you saying?
What are you doing here?
I saw the sold sign out front
and I thought I may never
have another chance.
Another chance? For what?
To tell you how angry I am
that you ruined my life.
Wait a minute.
I've been in group therapy
for months.
You're not going to ruin
the progress I've been making.
You killed my husband.
My entire group said
it wasn't my fault.
Even my therapist says
it wasn't my fault.
You shouldn't have been
talking on a cell phone,
you should have been
looking behind you!
Hey, your husband
wasn't paying attention.
Your husband
walked behind my car.
How dare you come on
my doorstep like this!
(EXCLAIMS)
(SANTA BABY PLAYING)
Santa baby
Just slip a sable
under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby
So hurry down
the chimney tonight
Santa baby
A '54 convertible too
Light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby
So hurry down
the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun
I've missed
Think of all the fellows
that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be
just as good
If you check off
my Christmas list
(LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE
PLAYING)
Little bitty pretty one
Come on and talk with me
Lovely, lovely, lovely one
You got me down on my knee
Marty would have loved this.
Aren't you glad you came?
Yeah, I guess so.
Wow, you girls are hot.
Oh, thanks.
You look pretty cool
yourself, daddy-o.
So come on,
how about a dance?
You know,
I'm not in the mood
right now. Thanks.
Marilyn?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
Come on,
don't be a party pooper.
Okay, Harry.
I'll dance with you.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
LINDA: Hello, Dad.
Hi, Linda.
You're home?
Yeah, I'm home.
I decided not to
go out after all.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm reading
your mother's diary.
Funny how you can live
with a person for 40 years
and never really understand
what's going on inside.
Don't beat yourself up, Dad.
Mom was happy.
I guess.
And what about you?
Are you going to a party?
I mean,
you should be having fun,
going out, meeting people.
I know. I know.
God, now you sound
just like Mom.
I really miss her, Dad.
I miss her too,
sweetheart.
She was a smart lady.
Think she would have made
one hell of a shrink.
Hey, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
(BEEPS)
(SINGING HOT HOT HOT)
Everybody!
(EXCLAIMS)
All the people
gather round now
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Thanks.
These women
are killing me.
You know you love
every minute of it.
And what's with you?
You're not dancing.
I know what's bugging her.
Forget it. I'm fine.
Not very convincing.
HARRY: Holy cow.
What?
That woman over there
is Lucille Parisi.
Went to high school
with her,
and then she moved down here
and I sent her an invitation
anonymously.
Never thought she'd show up.
She was a real knockout
in tenth grade.
Yeah, she still is.
Funny how you see somebody
from high school
and all your old
insecurities come back.
Why don't you go on over,
say hello.
Maybe you'll get lucky.
Think so?
Sure. You're a hot guy.
Really think so?
Yeah.
Besides, I don't want
to be the one
kissing you at midnight.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Sandi,
I don't care
if you're a widow
or a divorcee,
guy was a jerk
to let you go.
Do you mean that?
Yep.
I don't know how it's going
to work out with us,
but if you're willing
to put up with me...
I'm willing.
Good.
So let's just
take it slow and see
where it goes, okay?
Okay.
Earth angel
Earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm such a jerk.
I just should have
called him.
It's not too late.
Here.
Wish him a Happy New Year.
Earth angel
Earth angel
The one I adore
DONALD ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hello, this is Donald Peete.
Leave me a message.
What a shame.
MAN: Columbia Taxi.
Yes, would you send a taxi
to 1010 South Federal
Highway, please.
Sweetie, you can't leave now.
You'll be all alone
at midnight.
Thanks. Yeah,
I'll be waiting outside.
Fine.
Okay. Thank you.
Are you sure you want to go?
I can still drive you.
No, thank you.
You know what?
I want you to have fun.
You know, you deserve it.
Okay. Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
You know,
you're the best thing
that happened to me this year.
Same here. Thank you.
Hi.
TAXI DRIVER: Hi.
Uh, Valencia Shores.
Five miles down Alliance Road.
Right hand side, please.
Sure.
DONALD: Pull over.
Wait. Just...
Can we talk for a moment?
Hold on just one second.
Listen, Lois,
these last couple of days,
they've been awful.
I've really missed you
and I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry if I'm not
who you thought I was
or who you wanted me to be.
God, I never meant
to disappoint you.
Don, the only thing
that would disappoint me
is if you weren't the guy
kissing me at midnight.
ALL: Five, four,
three, two, one.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Lo.
Happy New Year, Don.
(AULD LANG SYNE PLAYING)
(HORN HONKING)
Listen,
I'm going to be driving
the young lady home.
Thank you very much.
Happy New Year.
TAXI DRIVER: Happy New Year.
Donald, there's something
you need to know.
What?
I lied.
I'm not 58. I'm...
...acquaintance be forgot
In days for auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll drink
a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
(LET'S TWIST AGAIN PLAYING)
I'm gonna sing my song
It won't take long
We're gonna do the twist
And it goes like this
Lois, come dance with me.
I'm gonna dance
with the girls, okay?
I'll be right here.
Good. Don't you move.
Come on, twist again
Like we did last year
Do you remember when
Things were really hummin'
Come on, let's twist again
Twisting time is here
And round and round
And up and down we go again
Oh, baby...
(SIGHS)
Oh.
(WHIMPERS)
Okay.
You can stay,
but just for tonight.
And maybe tomorrow
we'll give you a name.
(LOVE AND MARRIAGE PLAYING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
This, I tell you, brother
You can't have one
without the other
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
It's an institute
you can't disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say
it's elementary
Try, try, try
to separate them
It's an illusion
Try, try, oh, try,
and you will only come
To one conclusion
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by Mother
You can't have one
You can't have none
You can't have one
without the other
Here we go now
Oh, come on and try, try
just try to separate them
It is an illusion
Go ahead and try, try,
Try and you will only come
To this conclusion
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by Mother
You can't have one
You can't have none
Oh, no, you can't have one
without the other
Go figure
(LOVE AND MARRIAGE PLAYING)
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
This, I tell you, brother
You can't have...
You're like a little kid.
Stop squirming.
Marilyn, you know
I'm ticklish.
Hold still.
Or else I'll nick you
like the last time.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
...institute
you can't disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say
it's elementary
Try, try, try
to separate them
It's an illusion
(GROANS)
Try, try, try, oh, try
and you will only come
So if Bernie calls
about tennis,
tell him I reserved
the courts for 12:30.
Oh, the exterminator's
coming at 2:00.
The ants are back.
Irma's taking me
to the hairdresser,
so I hope
you'll be back by then
to let him in.
Don't worry, sweetie.
Have I ever
let you down before?
(CHUCKLES)
Never.
Love you.
Love you, too.
...one without the other
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(PAPA LOVES MAMBO PLAYING)
Papa loves mambo
Mamma loves mambo
Look at 'em sway with it
Getting so gay with it
Shouting ole with it, wow!
Ugh!
Papa loves mambo
Papa loves mambo
Marty,
you're looking good.
Mamma loves mambo
Papa does great with it
Swings like a gate with it
He loses weight with it,
now!
He goes to
She goes fro
Hey, baby.
He goes fast
She goes slow
He goes left
And she goes right
Papa's looking for Mamma
Hey, Marty.
Papa loves mambo
Mamma loves mambo
Having their fling again
Younger than spring again
Feeling that zing again,
wow!
So I'm in the
appliance department,
waiting 20 minutes, Joyce.
I mean, I don't have all day.
I'm a very busy person.
So finally the salesman,
who couldn't have been
more than 18 years old,
says to me,
"Lady, we can't
take this blender back.
"We haven't even
sold this model
for three years."
So I said to this
little snotnose,
"How would you know?
You don't even look like
"you've worked here
for three years."
And do you know
what he had the nerve
to say to me?
(THUDDING)
He said, "Now
you listen to me, miss, I..."
Wait a second.
One second, Joyce.
I--I think I--I hit
the recycling bin again.
One second, Joyce.
For crying out loud.
...nowhere in sight
(SCREAMS)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Marty was good. He was kind.
He was witty. He was funny.
In fact, whenever you would
see Marty,
you couldn't help
but feel good
and if we felt that way,
you can imagine
how his beloved family felt.
Marilyn, he loved you
with all his heart,
and all his soul,
and all his might
and the legacy of his name
will be an enduring memorial
for all of us.
God has a very special place
in his heart...
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Danny,
hang on to the bag.
Hey,
how are my big boys?
Hi, Ma.
How you doing?
I'm doing and you?
Good.
What's that?
We bought you a dog.
Why?
It will keep you company.
You know
I don't like dogs.
Come on, Ma. Trust me.
You're going to
fall in love with him.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
DANNY: Be nicer. Like this.
Don't hit her, Eric.
Eric, stop!
Ma. Ma, did you hear
what I just said?
What? I'm sorry.
I said, I think
you should move back
up north and live with us.
I mean, the kids would love
having you around
and so would Alan and I.
Right, Alan?
Yeah.
Danny,
take that dog outside.
That's very nice
of both of you,
but I can manage just fine
on my own down here.
Mom, Daddy did
everything for you.
You don't even know
how to balance a checkbook.
So I'll learn.
You haven't driven in years.
How are you going to
get to the supermarket?
Denise, I can walk
everywhere I need to.
Ma, why are you being
so stubborn?
You should sue that woman.
That woman
lives in this community.
I could bump into her
at the supermarket,
or at the clubhouse.
I don't want a big lawsuit.
It could get very ugly.
(GLASS SHATTERING)
DANNY: Oh, yeah...
Danny, Eric.
DENISE: Guys, what's going on?
DANNY: Eric,
you broke that glass.
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
ERIC: Whenever I tell you...
DANNY: Eric, I'm gonna
kick you in the butt.
ALAN: I'm serious.
ERIC: Liar, liar,
pants on fire.
DENISE: I'm warning you guys.
Let's go, on the count...
No. No!
Hi. Hope I didn't come
at a bad time.
I'm Lois Marion.
I live over by the clubhouse.
I don't think we've met.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
No, I don't think
we have.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
From all of us
at the Boynton Beach
Bereavement Club
here's a basket
and an invitation
to our next meeting.
I didn't do it.
He did it.
No, he did.
I can see you're busy
with family.
But if you're interested,
all the information
is on the card.
I know it's difficult.
We've all been there.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way,
I'm a decorator.
I see a lot of houses
and yours is lovely.
Be well. Bye.
Bye.
DENISE: Stop it right now.
You guys...
Get off the...
MOLLY: ...and my grandma,
Phyllis,
was one of the coolest people
I have ever known.
No matter what I did,
she was never judgmental.
She always listened.
She was like my best friend.
Nana, I love you
and will miss you very much.
RABBI: Will the mourners
please rise for the Kaddish?
(ALL CHANTING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Bye.
No kidding.
Look. I got to
call you back, Mona.
Harry Fanolli.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Jack Gudman.
Sorry about your wife, Jack,
but I got to tell you,
it's nice to have
another guy in the group.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oops.
Forgot to
turn this thing off.
I've come here
for over a year.
There's an eight-to-one
woman-to-man ratio.
I swear to God,
never been so popular
in my life.
Let me tell you,
some of these ladies
are still pretty good-looking.
ELAINE:
Good morning, everyone.
Hi, Elaine.
Hi, Elaine.
Let's get started.
We have a new member today.
I'd like you all to meet Jack.
ELAINE: Jack, welcome to
the Boynton Beach
Bereavement Club.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
So, Jack,
would you like to tell us
a little bit about yourself?
(WOMAN COUGHING)
Um...
My wife, Phyllis,
was my companion
and, uh,
best friend for 45 years
and my daughter thought
that I should be
with other people.
Ever since Phyllis died,
I haven't gone out much.
It's like everything's in
slow motion. I'm sorry.
We've all been there.
Believe me,
it gets better with time.
Thanks.
So when did
your wife pass away?
Three and a half months ago.
Look, it's tough.
Right, everybody?
But I picked myself up
and you are going
to do the same thing, Jack.
Harry talks big now,
but he was a basket case
when he first came
to the group.
Really, we all were.
Grief is a normal process.
We have to go through
the stages in order
to come out of it.
How about joining me
for lunch.
They got a great
all-you-can-eat buffet
over at Delray.
Nah, I wouldn't be
good company.
Okay. You're getting on
with your life.
Keeping busy is what helps.
Now, if you need anything,
you give me a call.
See you next week, sexy.
See you, hon.
Oh, and I bet
you're still living off
the frozen casseroles.
How did you know?
Hey, word gets out and all
the single women start
showing up with casseroles.
I got so sick of tuna noodle,
I taught myself how to cook.
I'm pretty good, too.
You know, you should
stop by my place,
I'll teach you
a few tricks.
I also do laundry.
I'm learning the hard way.
All my underwear is pink.
You'll get the hang of it.
So where do you live?
Valencia Shores.
Ritzy. I got a couple of
card buddies over there.
Look. You play pinochle?
We're always
looking for a fourth.
Now look, here's my number.
Don't be a stranger.
Thanks.
(PHONE RINGING)
PHYLLIS ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi, you've reached
Jack and Phyllis.
We're out hang-gliding
and can't come to the phone
so leave us a message
and we'll call you back
when we land.
LINDA: Hi, Dad, it's me.
Don't you think it's time
you changed that message?
I'll call you tonight.
Love you. Bye.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
WOMAN: Oh, I should have
ordered the ranch dressing
on the side.
Maybe I shouldn't have
ordered a cheeseburger
and a milkshake.
Do you know I lost five pounds
on that new Malibu diet
last week?
Lois, honey, you're skinny.
You can eat what you want.
You think so?
Oh, look at these jeans.
These pants last week
were tight.
No, really. Now look.
You think it's funny?
Look good, huh?
I think you should
gain a few pounds.
You're all skin and bones.
Camille,
that's not nice.
It's not like anybody's
gonna see me naked.
Not that I mind.
Lois, you know
that guy over there?
I think he's staring at you.
Excuse me.
Do you know me?
You look familiar.
Where are you from?
Cleveland, Ohio, originally.
But now Boynton Beach.
I moved to Fort Lauderdale
seven years ago from Chicago.
Better weather here.
Are you retired?
No, no, not yet.
I still enjoy my work.
Oh, that's wonderful.
What do you do?
Houses. Offices. Condos.
Well, maybe
that's how you know me.
I'm a decorator.
I've worked for
lots of clients in the area.
They love my sense of color.
Um...
Why don't I give you my card,
you know, maybe we could
do business some time.
Well, it's a pleasure
meeting you, Lois.
Thanks.
Oh, my God,
I can't believe
you just did that.
Good for you, Lo.
You go after what you want.
What? Like I'm going
to ruin my reputation?
Ladies?
Have a nice day.
And who ordered the burger?
Me.
And by the way, ladies,
that gentleman over there,
he picked up your check.
Well.
Oh, that's what
I call classy.
Pass the ketchup.
A 5'6" brunette
who loves Shakespeare,
opera and bird watching.
Seeks sensitive intellectual
who wants to share
a meeting of the minds
with a Rubenesque beauty.
Rubenesque beauty.
Must be an elephant.
(COMPUTER CLICKS)
I love yoga...
WOMAN: I love yoga,
the Kabbalah and Zen Buddhism.
I was voted "most serene"
by the members of my ashram.
Are we meant for each other?
I don't think so, honey.
WOMAN 2: Hi,
my name is Florence.
I am 55 years young.
I love concerts, dancing,
theater and have been told
that I'm still very sexy.
If you're an adventurous man
who has a good sense of humor,
please respond.
Sexy. Sounds promising.
Hi, Florence.
My name is Harry.
I'm a well-built guy of 70.
I enjoy dancing, tennis, golf
and midnight strolls
along the beach.
Please send a photo.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Hey, Jack. Wasn't sure
you'd be coming back.
Why are there
so many people here?
It's the regional group.
Meets monthly.
People come from
all the local senior clubs.
Harry.
Hi, beautiful.
Who's your friend?
Jack. He's new.
Hi. I'm Sandi Welles.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
My card.
Elaine, our group leader,
encourages us to do this.
If you're lonely
and you just want to talk
to someone, call me.
ELAINE:
Good morning, everyone.
ALL: Good morning, Elaine.
I'm glad we have
such a big turnout today.
First, I'd like to welcome
our new members.
The first step to healing
is knowing that you have the
love and support of others.
Remember,
today is rap session.
So you may speak freely.
Nothing said is off limits.
Does anyone have anything
they would like to discuss?
Yes.
Sex.
(ALL LAUGHING)
What about sex?
What do you say to a fellow
who can't raise the flag?
Forget him, honey.
Find yourself a boy toy.
I think we should
move on to the next topic.
We haven't heard from
any of our new members yet.
Um...
Would you mind standing?
Oh.
My name is Marilyn Coopers.
Welcome, Marilyn.
MAN: Hi, Marilyn.
WOMAN: Welcome, Marilyn.
I'd like to know
how to deal with my anger.
My husband died
in an accident,
a stupid
and senseless accident.
It just makes me
so angry sometimes.
I think many of us here have
felt a certain amount of anger
from the death of a spouse.
But I can't help thinking,
if, uh, we just talked
for one minute longer,
if I'd given him a kiss,
if, uh, Marty hadn't taken
the garbage out,
then maybe
he wouldn't have been there
at that spot at that moment
on that sidewalk
when that stupid woman
was backing her car out,
you know.
Oh, I'm...
I'm sorry. I just needed to
get that out loud, you know.
I'm sorry. Thank you.
Marilyn, wait up.
Marilyn.
Look, I just
wanted to say that
I know it took a lot of nerve
speaking out like that.
I sure hope you're going to
come back next Tuesday.
Probably not.
To be honest, there's
two things I don't like.
Doctors and support groups.
But there was
so much commotion
at my house this morning,
I just had to get out.
I know my daughter means well,
but I can't wait till tomorrow
when she and her kids
and that damn dog leave.
I must sound like
a terrible person.
Not at all.
Look, would you like
to get a cup of coffee?
Well, thanks, but
I don't think I'm up for it.
Oh, come on. Come on.
I like your guts.
Okay.
Good. Great. Do you want
to follow me in my car?
I don't drive.
You don't drive?
Well, my license expired
a few years ago
and I just never renewed it.
Well, how
did you get here?
I walked.
You walked?
Nobody walks
in Boynton Beach.
Come on, girl,
I got my car
right around here.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry if I was
too forward earlier,
giving you my card,
but, hey,
how else are you going to
meet people, right?
Anyway, I was wondering if
you'd want to accompany me
to a dance at my club?
Women aren't allowed
to go to dances alone
and there are never enough men
and you have to
bring a man to get in,
but once you're inside,
you can dance
with anyone you want.
Um...
I'm sorry. I... I...
I would-- I would love
to help you out, but, uh,
I'm just not ready yet.
Well, if you ever just
need to talk to someone,
call me.
I'm a really good listener.
Uh, Sandi.
If I ever did go
to that dance,
I'd certainly want
to dance with you.
Who do you think you are,
Cary Grant?
WOMAN ON TV: Architecture
and design is influenced
by both ancient elements
and by 18th and 19th century
Parisian design elements.
French Country
is centuries old...
I lost about three inches
in my waist in three months.
It's great, no matter
what age, no matter
what shape you are in.
Everybody can benefit.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER:
It's the hottest
fitness trend and...
(SIGHING)
(DOG WHIMPERING)
What do you want?
Whatever it is, you're not
going to get it, so go away.
(DOG BARKS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
You're in the wrong line.
You're going to need to go
to line four
for expired licenses.
The sign says license renewal.
Your license expired
in 1998
and since you're 65,
you're going to have to
take the test over.
So go to line four,
get the paperwork,
take the completed forms
to line one,
which is
new permit applications.
Do you-- Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Honey, I may be 65,
but I'm not a frigging idiot.
(SIGHING)
Next, please.
Come on in.
I want to show you something.
Look at this piece.
Look at this piece of art.
Isn't it fabulous?
What do you think?
No. Not my style.
Mrs. Sherman,
I thought you wanted
to spice up your life.
I do,
but not that spicy.
This is sexy.
I don't want sexy.
Okay.
I don't like it.
No, I don't either.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Look at this. Clean lines.
Sophisticated. Elegant.
What do you think?
Red's not my color.
Mrs. Sherman, this isn't red.
This is crimson.
Makes your skin glow.
I've got enough glow.
Come and sit down.
Just try it.
It's so comfortable.
I think you'll...
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh, excuse me, will you?
I have to take this call.
Be right back.
Make yourself comfortable.
Hello.
This is Donald Peete.
We met at the coffee shop.
Do you remember me?
Oh, the real estate
developer.
I hope I'm not
catching you at a bad time.
No. No, no, no.
Listen, I thought
it might be fun if we got
together, maybe had a picnic,
got to know each other.
I haven't done that in years.
Good.
How about Friday afternoon?
You know I'm going to
have to check my book.
Will you hold on?
(WHISPERS) Thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Uh, looks like
I'm free Friday.
Good. Then I'll pick you up
at 1:00. The address
on your card, right?
That's right.
That's right. Okay.
See you then.
Bye.
(CAR HONKING)
Okay. You ready
for your driving lesson?
Are you sure
you want to do this?
I could call a professional
driving school.
I taught my kid.
How hard can it be?
Come on. Let's go.
I'm sorry.
Relax, honey.
Just relax. Okay?
Okay.
It's like sex.
Gets easier after
the first time, okay?
I'm sorry.
I just can't do this.
It's too difficult.
You're doing good.
I feel out of control.
I want to go home.
(MOANING)
Marilyn. Marilyn, please.
Come on, get back in the car.
Really, all it takes
is a little practice.
You were doing great.
I'm really sorry.
I know you must think
I'm such a big baby,
but it's really difficult.
This car smells like Marty.
I understand. All right, look.
We'll just go nice and slow,
till you feel comfortable.
Okay?
Okay.
I'm gonna turn on the radio
and help you relax.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
How am I doing?
Honey, before you know it,
we'll be cruising like
a couple of college girls
on our way down to Key West
for spring... Brake!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
LOIS: Hey, jerk, watch out.
Where'd you buy your license?
Typical Florida driver.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
I'll park the car.
You get on line.
It gets busy.
Best early bird in town.
WOMAN: I never ate un-kosher
in my whole life
till I moved here.
MAN: You're full of baloney.
You ate lobster.
I'm not used to
eating quite so early.
But you can't beat the prices.
I mean, what can you buy
for $5.99 these days?
Yeah.
Phyllis and I used...
I'm sorry. I shouldn't
talk about her all the time.
It's okay. It means you had
a really good marriage
and they say
if you've had a good marriage,
then you're not afraid
to enter into
a new relationship.
Uh, so, um,
when did
your husband pass away?
Leonard died four years ago
from a heart attack.
He was a very sensitive man.
Just like you, Jack.
You think I'm sensitive?
Mmm-hmm.
How long were you
and Leonard married?
A long time, Jack.
We were
high-school sweethearts.
I met my wife
in high school too.
Jack. Why don't you
come over Saturday afternoon
and go swimming at my club?
Thanks, but, uh, I can't.
My daughter
and my granddaughter
are coming down this weekend
to help me, uh,
sift through Phyllis' things.
Oh.
Okay.
Some other time?
Sure. Sure. Of course.
SANDI: It's just
right up here,
just past this car.
Are you sure you don't want
to come in? It's only 6:30,
the night is young.
You could be home
in bed by 8:00.
Uh...
Thanks,
but I've got to get up early
and go to the airport.
I know.
From what you told me
about Phyllis, she sounded
like a wonderful woman.
I'm sure
she'd want you to go out
and enjoy your life.
Oh. Wait. Wait.
Thank you.
Don't get any ideas.
I'm not always going to be
such a gentleman.
Jack, you don't
always have to be
such a gentleman.
Good night.
Good night.
(WOMAN ON PA CHATTERING)
Gramps.
Whoa!
Hi.
You look good, Dad.
Oh.
Hi.
How you holding up?
I'm okay. You know.
Every week it gets easier.
How about you?
I'm managing.
Come on.
All right.
It's hard to imagine
that Nana ever wore
something like this.
Can I have it?
Sure.
I remember when your mother
wore that to your Aunt Sally's
20th wedding anniversary.
She was so damn sexy.
Dad.
No, no, no.
See for yourself.
There's a photograph
that she wouldn't let me
get framed because she...
I thought I could do this.
Gramps.
What are these?
Those are
your grandmother's diaries.
I didn't even know she kept
a diary till I found them
in the back of her closet.
Can I read one?
Would you like me
reading your diary?
If Nana were alive,
she'd let me.
They did have
a very special relationship.
Fine. Whatever.
Let's all have some lunch.
I'm not hungry.
I think
I'll go down to the pool.
(SIGHS)
(DISCO INFERNO PLAYING)
Burn, baby burn
INSTRUCTOR: Come on guys,
pump it up. Let's go!
Get it together.
And one, and two and three.
Grab your noodles.
Let's go.
(SCREAMS)
Will someone please
watch this kid?
No splashing in the pool.
You're gonna move, bend.
Bend. Bend and one...
I met this woman
on the internet
named Florence.
Sounds really promising.
I'll open.
Twenty bucks says
she's a dog.
I don't think so.
I asked her
to send me a photo.
Did you send her
a photo of you?
Yeah,
me from 20 years ago.
How do you know
she won't do the same?
I don't know, Marv,
I've got a good feeling
about this one.
Hey, we're playing cards
over here!
Come on!
Hey, Lois.
Hi.
You know, it must be
school break. Everybody's
grandkids are here.
I like having
all the kids around.
It makes the place feel young.
Nice. Let's take these two.
Yeah.
Oh.
Is this what you read
for fun?
I can't help it.
I was a ninth-grade
English teacher.
I won't hold that
against you.
INSTRUCTOR: ...four and one.
Two. Three. Very good.
Come on guys...
...four and march in place.
Excellent...
That's her, isn't it?
Yeah.
I don't know
how she has the nerve
to come out here.
She lives here.
If I was her, I would have
sold my house and moved away
a long time ago.
I'm going to go home.
Okay, I'll go with you.
No, no, no. You stay.
I've got
some housework to do.
Marilyn, hey.
Why don't you confront her?
Really.
Why don't you just right now,
walk over to her
and tell her
she has ruined your life.
Okay?
Maybe even just give her
a pop, you know?
I promise it's gonna
make you feel so much better.
(WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE
PLAYING)
Why do fools fall in love?
Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers await
the break of the day
Why do they fall in love?
Love is a losing game
Love can be a shame
I know, I'm a fool you see
For that fool is me
Tell me why
Tell me why
(CAR HONKING)
Why do birds sing so gay
And lovers...
(SIGHING)
(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)
Hi.
Perfect day for a picnic.
Perfect.
You look gorgeous.
Oh, thanks. So do you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I like your car.
Yeah.
First time I ever made out
in the back seat,
it was in a Mustang.
You going to tell me
all about that?
I don't think so.
Well, maybe.
After I get to know you
a little better.
You're a tease.
Wow. Finally a man
who can see over
the steering wheel.
I like that about you.
You're so wonderfully blunt.
Thanks.
So where we going?
You'll see.
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
LOIS: Are we almost there?
Not quite.
Hey. Time out.
(LAUGHING)
Wrong shoes.
Well, you said picnic.
I wasn't expecting sand.
(EXCLAIMS)
(LAUGHING)
Okay.
Okay.
Just a couple of more miles.
Grab that corner.
That's it. Grab it.
Okay, down.
Okay, ready?
Let's try it.
(LAUGHING)
So tell me about yourself.
Marriage? Kids?
No, no, no, no.
I don't play that game.
What game?
Down here, it's always
the same conversation.
I don't want to know
how many kids you have.
I don't want to hear
about what your husband
did for a living
and please don't ask me
if I want to see the pictures
of your beautiful
and talented grandchildren.
So you're not even curious
to know who I am?
I didn't say that.
I'm very curious
to know who you are.
How you think.
What makes you laugh.
That's a tall order,
you know.
You're up to it.
That's what I like about you.
You're not afraid to say
what's on your mind.
So many women are just...
They just, I don't...
They just sit there
and they listen.
They don't have an opinion.
That's not
what I'm looking for.
Some guys don't like
a straight shooter.
Well, I do.
I'm looking for a girl
who's smart,
interesting and fun.
I want to wake up
every morning
and look over and...
smile.
(EXCLAIMS)
Am I going too fast?
A little bit.
I really like you.
I don't want to mess this up.
"Dear Harry, I'm intrigued.
"Love to know more about you.
"Attached a photo."
Wow.
Dear Florence,
in response to your request,
I'm 5 ft.11 inches tall,
with a full head
of dark brown hair.
The ladies think
I'm good looking,
but you decide for yourself.
Please call.
(MUMBLING)
I'd love to hear your voice.
By the way,
I can drive at night.
(TV CHATTERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
WOMAN: Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Speak louder. I can't hear.
Is this Harry Fanolli?
Who's this?
This is Florence.
Florence, Florence.
Oh, Florence. Florence.
I, uh...
I was hoping you'd call.
Is it a bad time?
No, no, no, no.
You didn't catch me
at a bad time.
I don't have bad times.
Life's too short.
Would you like
to go out some time?
Great. Great. Sure. Sure.
I'd love to go out sometime.
How's Saturday night,
my place?
Saturday's fine.
See you at 7:00.
Right.
Bye.
Bye, bye.
(DO THAT TO ME ONE MORE TIME
PLAYING)
Do that to me
one more time
(MOANS)
Once is never enough
(MOANS)
I had
a really nice time today.
I want to see you again.
How about
tomorrow afternoon?
(CHUCKLES)
It's getting late.
I have to go.
Oh, baby
Do that to me once again
Bye.
I'll call you tomorrow.
(WHISPERS) Okay.
He's watching. Be cool.
Don't turn around.
Pass that by me
one more time
Once is never enough
for my heart to hear
(GRUNTS)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Betty Hammond.
I was a friend of Phyllis'.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Well, my family just left
and I made way too much food
so I thought I would drop off
some of my leftovers.
Well, thanks very much.
I'd love to chat,
but my daughter is here
visiting from up north.
Oh, no problem.
When I come back
to pick up the dish
then we'll have
a nice long chat
and then we'll really
get to know each other.
Okay. Sure.
Bye.
Bye.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(COUGHING)
Molly, open this door.
Okay.
Right now.
Chill out. I'm coming.
I can't believe
you brought pot
on the plane
and you're smoking it
in your grandparents' house.
For your information,
I did not bring pot
the plane.
I'm not that stupid.
I found it in Nana's closet.
Oh, yeah, right.
Ask Pops.
Dad?
Could you come here?
I'm sorry to get you
involved in this, Dad,
but Molly says
she found marijuana
in Mom's closet.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot that.
She took it for the pain.
A lot of people
on chemotherapy do.
I even tried it once
to keep her company,
but it gave me a headache.
Dad. You smoked pot?
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
but with
all that was going on,
I never thought to mention it.
Why don't we all
have some breakfast?
I'll make the coffee.
We have a big day
ahead of us.
Ma, we just have to sit
on a fucking plane.
Did you know Nana wanted
to be a psychiatrist?
I read it in her diary.
No.
I just thought
she wanted to get married
and have kids.
Actually,
she always regretted
marrying so young
and then not
going to college.
Really?
All those years together,
I thought I knew
everything about her.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello, this is Jack.
I'm not here,
but if you leave your number
I'll call you back.
Good.
You changed the message.
SANDI: Hi, Jack.
It's me, Sandi.
Who's Sandi?
I was just thinking
that maybe
if your family has left,
we can get together sometime.
Hi, Sandi? Hi.
No, no, they haven't left yet.
It's too soon.
Too soon for what?
For Gramps to have
a lady friend.
Hello, there.
You must be Harry.
Wow.
You're even more gorgeous
than your picture, Flo.
Is it okay
if I call you Flo?
Sure, Harry.
Thank you. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
I made martinis.
I hope you like them.
They're my favorite drink.
My favorite, too.
Straight up.
With a twist?
With a twist.
You know, Flo,
I have to admit, uh,
I was a little
nervous coming here.
You know, you hear
all these weird stories
about people who meet online,
but let me tell you something,
you are one pleasant surprise.
Oh, thank you, Harry.
Here's to you, Flo.
And to you, Harry.
You know, I made this
7:30 dinner reservation
at a great restaurant.
Rocco's Grill Room.
Best steaks in town.
A nice juicy porterhouse
with a baked potato.
That is my favorite meal.
I don't believe it.
Mine too.
Oh, you like music,
Harry?
I love music.
Oh, well.
(YOU'RE NOBODY TILL SOMEBODY
LOVES YOU PLAYING ON STEREO)
There's nothing better
than that.
Wanna dance?
Now?
Come on, Harry.
Just a short one.
Sure. Why not?
My friends are never
gonna believe this.
I should have
brought a camera.
You know, if we're gonna make
that dinner reservation,
we really have to be going.
Mind if I use your toilette?
Right down there
to the right.
I'll be right back.
Don't go away.
You lucky bastard.
Florence?
FLORENCE: I'm in here, Harry.
Come on in.
What's the matter?
Are you shy?
No, no. It's just that
you're very different
than the other women I know.
I mean, the last woman
who came on to me
like this was,
you know, way back
when I was in the army
and she was a hooker.
You know, I think
we got kind of
a weird situation here.
I mean, I don't want you
to take it the wrong way,
but this isn't exactly
what I had in mind tonight.
You don't like me.
No, no. I like you a lot.
You're a wonderful gal.
I could help you relax, Harry.
No, thanks.
But, look, if you could
use a little cash...
Don't you think
I'm worth more than that?
Got to keep a few bucks
for gas and tolls.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Oh, my God.
What's an escrow account?
(DOG WHIMPERING)
I don't know.
Okay, smarty-pants,
you tell me.
What good are you?
They should have given me
something I really needed,
like an accountant.
Who the heck writes
these insurance policies?
A normal person
can't understand this.
Well, then just put it aside.
I won't pay it.
I don't have a life
so why should I have
life insurance?
No, we are going to
figure this out.
Speaking of your life,
it would be good for you
to get out more. Socialize.
Maybe even go
on a date some time.
I am not interested.
I am not trying to push you,
but I know a really nice guy.
He owns a car dealership
down in Boca
and his wife passed away
last year and
he's looking to go out.
Well, if he's so nice,
why don't you go out with him?
Because there's somebody
I'm already interested in,
thank you.
Lois, how long
has your husband been dead?
Eight years.
Really? Eight years?
Mmm-hmm.
Why do you still go
to a bereavement club?
Oh, I didn't go there
for my husband,
I went there for Matthew.
My son.
(GASPS) I'm sorry.
Yeah.
It's been
two and a half years now.
He lived in Los Angeles
with his friend, John,
but when Matt got sick,
they both came back here
and lived with me.
It was hard for me, Marilyn,
when I lost my husband, but
there's nothing like
losing your child.
No.
Anyhow, one day somebody
knocked on my door
and they invited me
to the bereavement club.
When I first walked
into that meeting,
I felt like a Martian.
Nothing in common
with any of those people.
But they were so kind.
I didn't have any family
so they became like my family
and I'm sure that's why
I keep going back.
You know, I...
I can't make heads or tails
out of this.
Maybe you need to call
your insurance broker.
Do you have his number?
Yeah. I think
Marty has his number
in his desk. I'll go look.
Lois.
Lois!
What?
Oh, my God.
Lucy Lucy Slut Goddess?
I found it hidden
under our tax returns.
I can't believe
Marty watched this.
Typical guy stuff.
Have you ever watched one?
Me? Are you kidding?
I did.
It was very educational.
Really?
Now, a good piece of veal
is like a good woman.
You gotta be tender
but still show her
who's boss.
Harry, just tell me what to do
and I'll do it. Just don't
expect me to be creative.
All right, just crack
a couple of eggs
in that bowl.
Take this veal, dip it
in the egg and put it
in the bread crumbs.
Oh, God.
I...
Look, let me
help you with that.
Okay. We need some oil.
There's some
in that cabinet on the right.
You're kidding, right?
What?
This stuff is only good
for chasing mosquitoes away.
Olive oil.
Ah!
Good. Good.
Now there should be
a frying pan down below there.
(PANS CLATTERING)
Hey, Galloping Gourmet.
That's a saucepan.
I'm never going to
get the hang of this.
Come on, come on.
We're having fun here.
Don't you wanna
learn how to cook?
Don't you wanna learn
how to impress the ladies?
Then give me a smile.
Come on, a little smile.
Ready? We're gonna smile.
One. Two. Three.
See, huh? That's better.
Think, we're being creative.
We're getting in touch
with our female sides.
See if you can find
a frigging frying pan.
I think it's right over there.
HARRY: Not bad.
Not bad? It's great.
I hope I can remember
how to make this
when Sandi comes over.
I was going to defrost
a tuna casserole.
This will really impress her.
Look, I'll be on call,
just in case
you need me. 24/7.
So, dinner, wine, music.
You ought to
expect something.
Oh, boy. I don't think
I'm up to that.
Look, it's your second date.
A little kissy face is okay.
We already did that.
You sly devil.
See, you're gonna be fine.
But I have to warn you
about the weird part.
What's that?
Well, being naked
for the first time in 35 years
with a new person.
I mean, you know,
with your wife it's different
because you grow old together,
but with a new woman
you notice that her, you know,
her boobs are sort of...
And her butt is kind of...
Then it hits you that
you're about to have sex
with an old lady.
Jeez, we're not going to
have sex. I just
invited her over for dinner.
Bring a rubber just in case.
What for?
Hey, there's a lot
of bad stuff out there today.
You know, people think
that you get to a certain age
and there's no more sex.
That ain't true.
To women. God bless
each and every one of them.
Salute.
Salute.
(WOMAN MOANING)
(MAN MOANING)
(EXCLAIMS)
That's way too up close
and personal.
How do they get
the camera to do that?
Charlie and I watched
a porno film back in the '70s
with that actress,
what was her name?
She was really, really famous.
Linda. Linda something.
BOTH: Evans?
Linda Evans did pornos?
No, Linda Lovelace.
Yes.
Deep Throat.
Oh, my God.
What's going on down there?
You know what's interesting?
How all the vaginas
look so different.
CAMILLE: Lou used to say
mine was beautiful.
Oh, yeah? Is it?
Oh, how should I know?
I never looked.
Who can bend over that far?
What kind of person looks
at their you know what?
Oh, oh, oh,
see the girl on the left?
Yeah.
Okay. Mine looks like hers.
You're kidding.
You're kidding.
No. Just a little less used.
(WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS
PLAYING ON PA)
We wish you
a Merry Christmas
Jack Gudman?
And a Happy New Year
Mr. Gudman.
Yes.
You take one
erectile tablet 30 minutes
before sexual intercourse.
If you exceed
the recommended dose,
your erection may persist
for several hours afterwards.
You may also experience
nausea, diarrhea,
loss of appetite.
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.
Oh, Mr. Gudman.
You'll find condoms
in aisle five.
(WOOLY BULLY PLAYING)
Up you go.
Okay. Okay. Good.
What's that?
Oh, that's good.
Okay, we're gonna turn.
Look forward.
Okay.
Straight your head.
Okay. Looking.
Heels together.
Okay.
Push out side to side.
Okay.
Would you do me a favor?
What's that?
Would you let me know
when I'm having fun?
Here we go.
Okay, easy, easy.
That's good.
That's good.
Matty told Hatty
About a thing she saw
Had two big horns
And a wooly jaw
Wooly bully
Wooly bully
You're doing great.
I'm going to let you go.
Ready?
Are you?
Uh-huh. One, two...
Okay.
...three.
(EXCLAIMING)
How am I doing?
Great.
That's it.
Uh, um...
How do you slow
these things down?
Use your brakes.
Huh?
Use your brake.
Put your right heel down.
Oh, my.
I can't stop!
Put your right heel down!
I can't stop!
Try the other heel.
(SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
Uh-oh.
(LAUGHING)
Well, that was fun.
How am I doing so far?
You're not like
most of the guys I meet.
How's that?
Oh, you're mysterious
and unpredictable.
Most of the men I know
don't have that kind
of spark anymore.
I just don't have time
for the bullshit, Lois.
I want to enjoy each day
because before I know it,
I'll be some old guy
in a nursing home
wearing diapers.
Most guys don't
talk like that to me.
I mean, that's great.
It's weird, you know.
I feel like I know you
and yet I know so little
about you personally.
If there's something
you really want to know
about me, fire away.
I'll give you
one free question.
Okay.
You widowed or divorced?
Divorced. Seven years.
Does that bother you?
No.
Okay, you get
a free question.
What year were you born?
No fair.
(WATER RUNNING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
Donald.
DONALD: Come in.
No, I think
I'll wait out here.
Your cell phone keeps ringing.
I think it might be important.
Okay. Be right there.
Thanks.
Hello? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Um...
Um...
Lois, something's come up.
And I've got to go. I'm sorry.
It's a work thing.
Hey, no problem.
I had
a really good time today.
I swear
this won't happen again.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
SANDI: Are you sure
I can't help you?
Just relax. Take it easy.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
Are you sure
everything's all right?
Totally under control.
(FIRE ALARM SOUNDING)
Jack?
(COUGHING)
(GROANS)
This food is terrible.
No, it's...
It's delicious.
It's terrible.
You don't have to say so
just to be nice.
Listen. I've got
a frozen tuna casserole
in the refrigerator.
I have a confession to make.
I brought along a backup.
What do you mean, a backup?
I have a lasagna
in the trunk of my car.
A lasagna?
What can I say?
I was a Girl Scout.
Always prepared.
Next time I'm taking you out
to a nice restaurant.
You're a good sport.
You deserve it.
Well, that would be nice.
Do you like music, Jack?
Phyllis loved classical.
Good. What about you?
I guess. I mean,
who doesn't like music?
(I'M A FOOL TO CARE
PLAYING ON STEREO)
I'm a fool to care
When you treat me this way
I know I love you
But what can I do?
I'm a fool to care
I'm a fool to cry
When you tell me goodbye
You left me so blue
SANDI: You okay in there?
I'm just washing up.
I'll be right in.
(WATER RUNNING)
Here goes nothing.
Come over here, you.
I can hardly see you.
(GASPS)
Can you see me now?
Don't you like the way I look?
I do, I do, but...
It's okay.
You can turn around.
I'm covered.
Don't you find me attractive?
I do.
Should we lie down on the bed?
Uh... That's a good idea.
Um...
Don't get me wrong, but
you're on Phyllis' side.
You want me to change sides?
That might help.
I haven't done this
for a long time.
Let's just
start off kissing.
Take it nice and slow.
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, you don't like that?
I do. It's just...
I'm having
a tough time relaxing.
Oh, well, maybe
I can help you.
(EXCLAIMS)
No good?
It's just that Phyllis...
Oh, Jack.
Oh, I don't mean to be mean,
but I'm not Phyllis
and if you gave me
half a chance, you might
actually enjoy yourself.
I'm sorry. You're right.
But my heart is beating
out of my chest.
I don't want you
to have a coronary.
We don't have to
do anything.
Could we just cuddle?
Sure. Cuddling's good.
(SIGHS)
Mmm.
You're terrific, Sandi.
I don't deserve you.
I know.
(OH, WHAT A NIGHT PLAYING)
Oh, what a night
Late December back in '63
What a very special time
for me
'Cause I remember
what a night
Oh, what a night
You know, I didn't even...
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Oh, what a night
You know, I didn't...
Hi.
Hi. You want to join me?
Oh, I can't.
My exterminator's here
and then I've got
an appointment
with my accountant.
Why don't you come in
for a quick cup of coffee?
Oh, okay. Be good.
Come on.
(HUMMING)
So how's it going
with your new beau?
I really like him, Marilyn.
I really... I mean, I cannot
stop daydreaming about him.
I'm so happy for you.
And he's funny,
he's romantic.
You know this is the first guy
that I have met
that can even hold
a candle to my Charlie.
Oh, it sounds too good
to be true.
I know.
I've been thinking that.
Like, that there's got to be
a catch, right?
Maybe he's married, huh?
No, no. He's divorced.
He doesn't talk much
about himself.
You know, he's very private.
I like that.
MAN: Done out here.
Who's that? Oh.
My bug guy.
I think I found out
where those ants
are coming from. They were...
Lois.
Donald?
What are you doing here?
What's going on?
Spraying.
I can see that.
I'll leave the bill
on the table
outside now.
Thanks, Don.
I'll call you, Lois.
Oh, my God.
Is my exterminator Don
your Donald?
Oh, God.
I thought he was
a real estate developer?
So did I.
He kills bugs for a living.
Yeah, but he's
a really nice guy, Lo.
I feel a stress headache
coming on.
Can I have a couple aspirin?
Yeah, sure.
Shit.
Shit!
How'd it go
with Sandi?
It was great, right?
So how did it go?
Great, like you said.
I'm dying here.
Can't you spare us
a couple of juicy details?
No. It's not my style.
Good job.
Very interesting sketch.
This I gotta see.
You're a regular Picasso.
Hey, let me
see yours, Harry.
It's not very good.
You underestimate yourself,
Mr. Fanolli.
I think, if you took
this class
a little more seriously,
you could develop
your natural inner talent.
Really?
Yes.
Hey, Harry's got
inner talent.
Ask the ladies. I've got
outer talent, too.
So you gonna see her again?
As a matter of fact, I am.
Friday night.
That's good. Good, but...
Word of advice.
These dames are shrewd.
Next thing you know,
she'll be moving in and
you'll be playing canasta.
So take it slow.
Oh, this was
so delicious.
Everybody raves
about this place.
I don't know why
I've never been here before.
Me either,
but you deserve it.
The pleasure
was all mine.
You're a very sexy guy, Jack.
You're just saying that.
No, it's true.
A lot of guys
improve with age.
Especially the shy ones.
You know,
I was married 45 years
and you're the only woman
that I've ever been with.
I'm sure you were
a very loyal husband, Jack.
You'd be surprised
how many men
cheat on their wives.
(EXHALES)
Sandi?
Wow. It's been a while.
You look fantastic.
Well, thank you.
I mean, what a small world.
I'm here on vacation.
Well, actually
it's my honeymoon.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Sandi, meet Andi. Andi,
meet the first Mrs. Welles.
ANDI: Hi.
Hi, Leonard Welles.
Jack Gudman.
Hello, Jack.
My wife, Andrea.
ANDI: Hi, Jack.
Nice to meet you.
Well, we'd better go.
It was nice seeing you both
and, Sandi,
you look wonderful.
Have a wonderful dinner,
okay?
I'm confused.
That was Leonard,
your husband?
Yeah.
I thought he was dead?
I've got to go.
No key lime pie?
Not tonight.
I don't understand.
How could you?
Why would you join
a bereavement club
if your husband was alive?
Because when Leonard left
it was like a death.
I have no family.
I have no children.
A lot of people are
threatened by divorcees.
At least if you're a widow
you get sympathy.
I'm sorry.
Please take me home.
(SIGHS)
Look, I don't think
this is going to work out,
Jack.
You deserve a nice,
uncomplicated woman.
Not me.
(SUGAR SUGAR PLAYING)
Sugar
Ah, honey, honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me
wanting you
(WHOOPING)
Wow.
Nice wheels.
Thanks to your friend
with the dealership in Boca,
I got it for 10%
above wholesale.
Sounds like love.
And
I passed!
Nice picture, too.
Oh, congratulations.
Thanks. Hop in.
I'll take you for a spin.
Okay.
I just can't believe the
wonder of this feeling too
Look out
for the yo-yo on your left.
Lois, will you relax?
I can't help it.
I'm just...
He misled me.
I'm upset. Okay?
He told me that he was
a real estate developer.
Well, maybe he never
actually said that.
Maybe you assumed he was
a developer because that's
what you wanted him to be.
Well, he didn't correct me
and that's the same as a lie.
True.
But you lied to him, too.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
You lied about your age.
Oh, please. That's a totally
different thing.
That's a little fib.
Lois,
will you be honest?
Would you have been as
attracted to him if you knew
he killed bugs for a living?
Do you think I'm a snob?
Are you?
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho, Harry.
Hi.
So where's Sandi?
She's a real sweetheart.
She likes you a lot,
even though you can't
cook worth crap.
How would you know?
She told me.
ELAINE: Welcome, everyone.
Hi, Elaine.
Good morning, Elaine.
Please take your seats.
Thanks.
We all know this is
a difficult time of year,
especially for those of you
celebrating the holidays
for the first time
without your spouses.
And so there's been
a suggestion
from several of the other
seniors clubs in the area
that we all celebrate
the New Year together.
Okay. So let's hear
some party ideas.
How about
a wet T-shirt contest?
Sounds good to me.
What about a 1950s
theme party, like a,
like a sock hop or a prom.
Okay. Let's take a vote.
Who would like a 1950s-style
New Year's Eve party?
Okay, so we're going to
need to form some committees.
So what about it, Mar?
You gonna be my date?
Yeah, okay.
Maybe we should do our hair
like we used to wear it
in high school.
Maybe
I'll wear a beehive.
(GROANS)
Bad idea.
What are we gonna wear?
Oh, I got a bunch of great
old clothes hanging
in the back of my closet.
Honey, whatever you wear,
every man at the party
will be drooling.
Big deal. Most of them
are already drooling.
(TWO DIVIDED BY LOVE PLAYING)
I'll call you later.
Two divided by love
Bye.
Bye.
And one is a lonely number
Two divided by love
Can only be sad
Can only hurt one another
Every night
your tears come down
And I know
how you're feelin' inside
Loneliness is no ones friend
I've been takin'
the same kind of ride
And that just shouldn't be
If you're still lovin' me
Come on baby
Two divided by love
Can only be one
And one is a lonely number
Two divided by love
Can only be sad
Can only hurt one another
(DOORBELL RINGING)
I'm Marilyn Coopers.
Marty Coopers' wife.
I know who you are.
I'm so sorry.
I should have called you
months ago, but I wasn't able
to bring myself to it.
I wish you had.
It would have helped.
Look.
I've had
a very rough time, too.
A real nervous breakdown.
I don't know why,
but for some reason
it's comforting for me
to know that you suffered too.
What are you saying?
What are you doing here?
I saw the sold sign out front
and I thought I may never
have another chance.
Another chance? For what?
To tell you how angry I am
that you ruined my life.
Wait a minute.
I've been in group therapy
for months.
You're not going to ruin
the progress I've been making.
You killed my husband.
My entire group said
it wasn't my fault.
Even my therapist says
it wasn't my fault.
You shouldn't have been
talking on a cell phone,
you should have been
looking behind you!
Hey, your husband
wasn't paying attention.
Your husband
walked behind my car.
How dare you come on
my doorstep like this!
(EXCLAIMS)
(SANTA BABY PLAYING)
Santa baby
Just slip a sable
under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby
So hurry down
the chimney tonight
Santa baby
A '54 convertible too
Light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby
So hurry down
the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun
I've missed
Think of all the fellows
that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be
just as good
If you check off
my Christmas list
(LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE
PLAYING)
Little bitty pretty one
Come on and talk with me
Lovely, lovely, lovely one
You got me down on my knee
Marty would have loved this.
Aren't you glad you came?
Yeah, I guess so.
Wow, you girls are hot.
Oh, thanks.
You look pretty cool
yourself, daddy-o.
So come on,
how about a dance?
You know,
I'm not in the mood
right now. Thanks.
Marilyn?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think so.
Come on,
don't be a party pooper.
Okay, Harry.
I'll dance with you.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
LINDA: Hello, Dad.
Hi, Linda.
You're home?
Yeah, I'm home.
I decided not to
go out after all.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm reading
your mother's diary.
Funny how you can live
with a person for 40 years
and never really understand
what's going on inside.
Don't beat yourself up, Dad.
Mom was happy.
I guess.
And what about you?
Are you going to a party?
I mean,
you should be having fun,
going out, meeting people.
I know. I know.
God, now you sound
just like Mom.
I really miss her, Dad.
I miss her too,
sweetheart.
She was a smart lady.
Think she would have made
one hell of a shrink.
Hey, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
(BEEPS)
(SINGING HOT HOT HOT)
Everybody!
(EXCLAIMS)
All the people
gather round now
Feeling hot, hot, hot
Thanks.
These women
are killing me.
You know you love
every minute of it.
And what's with you?
You're not dancing.
I know what's bugging her.
Forget it. I'm fine.
Not very convincing.
HARRY: Holy cow.
What?
That woman over there
is Lucille Parisi.
Went to high school
with her,
and then she moved down here
and I sent her an invitation
anonymously.
Never thought she'd show up.
She was a real knockout
in tenth grade.
Yeah, she still is.
Funny how you see somebody
from high school
and all your old
insecurities come back.
Why don't you go on over,
say hello.
Maybe you'll get lucky.
Think so?
Sure. You're a hot guy.
Really think so?
Yeah.
Besides, I don't want
to be the one
kissing you at midnight.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Sandi,
I don't care
if you're a widow
or a divorcee,
guy was a jerk
to let you go.
Do you mean that?
Yep.
I don't know how it's going
to work out with us,
but if you're willing
to put up with me...
I'm willing.
Good.
So let's just
take it slow and see
where it goes, okay?
Okay.
Earth angel
Earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm such a jerk.
I just should have
called him.
It's not too late.
Here.
Wish him a Happy New Year.
Earth angel
Earth angel
The one I adore
DONALD ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hello, this is Donald Peete.
Leave me a message.
What a shame.
MAN: Columbia Taxi.
Yes, would you send a taxi
to 1010 South Federal
Highway, please.
Sweetie, you can't leave now.
You'll be all alone
at midnight.
Thanks. Yeah,
I'll be waiting outside.
Fine.
Okay. Thank you.
Are you sure you want to go?
I can still drive you.
No, thank you.
You know what?
I want you to have fun.
You know, you deserve it.
Okay. Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
You know,
you're the best thing
that happened to me this year.
Same here. Thank you.
Hi.
TAXI DRIVER: Hi.
Uh, Valencia Shores.
Five miles down Alliance Road.
Right hand side, please.
Sure.
DONALD: Pull over.
Wait. Just...
Can we talk for a moment?
Hold on just one second.
Listen, Lois,
these last couple of days,
they've been awful.
I've really missed you
and I just wanted to say
that I'm sorry if I'm not
who you thought I was
or who you wanted me to be.
God, I never meant
to disappoint you.
Don, the only thing
that would disappoint me
is if you weren't the guy
kissing me at midnight.
ALL: Five, four,
three, two, one.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Lo.
Happy New Year, Don.
(AULD LANG SYNE PLAYING)
(HORN HONKING)
Listen,
I'm going to be driving
the young lady home.
Thank you very much.
Happy New Year.
TAXI DRIVER: Happy New Year.
Donald, there's something
you need to know.
What?
I lied.
I'm not 58. I'm...
...acquaintance be forgot
In days for auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll drink
a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne
(LET'S TWIST AGAIN PLAYING)
I'm gonna sing my song
It won't take long
We're gonna do the twist
And it goes like this
Lois, come dance with me.
I'm gonna dance
with the girls, okay?
I'll be right here.
Good. Don't you move.
Come on, twist again
Like we did last year
Do you remember when
Things were really hummin'
Come on, let's twist again
Twisting time is here
And round and round
And up and down we go again
Oh, baby...
(SIGHS)
Oh.
(WHIMPERS)
Okay.
You can stay,
but just for tonight.
And maybe tomorrow
we'll give you a name.
(LOVE AND MARRIAGE PLAYING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
This, I tell you, brother
You can't have one
without the other
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
It's an institute
you can't disparage
Ask the local gentry
And they will say
it's elementary
Try, try, try
to separate them
It's an illusion
Try, try, oh, try,
and you will only come
To one conclusion
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by Mother
You can't have one
You can't have none
You can't have one
without the other
Here we go now
Oh, come on and try, try
just try to separate them
It is an illusion
Go ahead and try, try,
Try and you will only come
To this conclusion
Love and marriage
Love and marriage
Go together
like a horse and carriage
Dad was told by Mother
You can't have one
You can't have none
Oh, no, you can't have one
without the other
Go figure