Bulletproof Monk (2003) Movie Script
(MEN GRUNTING)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
MASTER MONK: of my destiny
and the beginning of yours.
When you first came to me,
you were the most undisciplined
youth I had ever laid eyes on.
And yet you proved yourself worthy
to be the next guardian.
You have fulfilled
the three noble prophesies.
You defeated an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circled above.
And then you battled for love
in the Palace of Jade.
And finally,
you freed brothers you never knew
with the family you never had.
Now you must make the final sacrifice.
You must give up your name.
I have already forgotten it, Master.
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
The Scroll of the Ultimate.
Whoever reads its words
out loud in their entirety
will gain the power to control the world
and turn it into a paradise or a living hell.
Mankind is not ready for so much power
and may never be.
That is why it is our duty
to protect the scroll
from being read by anyone,
including ourselves.
(MONKEY SCREECHES)
Five times the Year of the Ram has passed
since I became the next
from my honored predecessor,
and his master before him,
and so on, and so on.
I have been protecting
the scroll for 60 years.
Now it is your turn.
(WIND HOWLING)
It is done.
The next 60 years should be
very interesting for you.
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING GERMAN)
It's time for me to do
what I've always wanted to do
ever since those pesky British
showed up in 1904.
What's that, Master?
Take a vacation.
(MACHINE GUNS FIRING)
(MEN SHOUTING)
The scroll.
You must protect scroll.
Master! Master!
(MEN SHOUTING)
Stay hidden, no matter what.
Go!
My brother monks,
you have seen the destructive power
which is mine to command.
I also have the power
to leave this blessed monastery in peace.
Enjoy your vacation, Master.
I trust you will do what's best for all of us
and step aside.
No?
(SOLDIER ORDERS IN GERMAN)
SOLDIER: Fire!
The scroll.
(SOLDIER SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(MACHINEGUN FIRING)
(CRASHING)
(GROANING)
Okay, let's go in.
Anybody home?
(MONKEY CHATTERS)
I don't like monkeys.
The scroll.
You may be good
but you are not bulletproof.
Monk?
Monk?
Monk?
Monk!
Monk!
(TRAIN HORN BLARES)
Rush hour.
(DIAMONDS AND GUNS PLAYING)
I'm sorry. I'll get that. Sorry.
No problem.
Sorry.
You picked the wrong pocket
to pick, prick!
Sorry about that, Officer.
Nice cuffs.
Officer needs assistance.
Six-foot Caucasian male,
black leather jacket.
Heading north, Bishop Square.
On my way.
Do you see him?
Yep. Got him.
Okay. Get in position. Wait for my move.
Confirming visual on the target.
I got him at 9:00.
Pick him up. We have a go.
Approaching target now.
Hey!
Go, go, go!
The target is on the run.
Don't let him get away!
COP: Hey! Stop!
Bishop Square platform. Officer in pursuit!
Hey, man, what's up?
Out of my way, punk! Knock it off!
Coming through!
Get out of the way!
Katie!
Mommy!
Oh, my God. Somebody get her!
MAN: How'd she get in there?
Katie!
Let's get out of here. Let's go!
Somebody help.
She's stuck. Grab her leg.
Mommy.
It's gonna be okay.
Do it!
MOTHER: Oh, my God!
Get her out of there!
(TRAIN APPROACHING)
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay, baby.
Get ready to pull!
KAR: You son of a bitch.
You just lost my whole stash.
Be happy. You helped save a human life.
Yeah, well, last time I checked
there's no reward for that.
Tell me, how did you do that back there?
Practice.
(SCOFFS)
Who the hell are you, anyway?
That's not the question you need to ask.
You should be asking yourself
who you are.
Your mind is filled with compassion.
That's why you risked your life
to help the child.
But your mind is also impure.
So you forget the spiritual reward
and think only of the financial.
Well, if you're so pure,
why were all those guys in suits
chasing you?
It doesn't concern you.
Let me guess, FBI, CIA, INS.
I said it doesn't concern you.
Unbelievable.
I'm sorry!
Every man's life
concerns every other man,
especially if he is on the noble path
to true enlightenment.
Can you accept my apology?
Apology accepted.
Thanks for helping me.
No problem, man.
You're boosting in the wrong turf!
Get your punk ass over here.
Finger man here calls himself Kar.
He got caught ripping off marks
at the Bishop Square subway station.
Funktastic's the name
and profit's the game.
See, I'm a businessman.
And my fiscal policy toward crime
consists of two words,
zero tolerance.
Unless, of course, the criminal in question
has an officially authorized franchise.
And you ain't got one.
I'm supposed to pay you
for the right to rip people off?
MAN: That's right.
60% off the top.
This entitles you to squatter's rights
in Mr. Funktastic's cribs,
chow at his greasy spoons,
and protection provided by Mr. Funktastic
and his crew.
And that's us.
KAR: You know, it's really enticing.
But if this is an example
of a Funktastic crib,
I'm gonna check myself into a Motel 6.
(ALL LAUGHING)
That's good.
Pretty funny.
You'd be a corpse already, mate,
if not for the fact
I heard you're
an exceptionally good earner.
Maybe I heard wrong.
In which case, you're nothing to me, mate.
You're less than nothing.
Around here,
less than nothing means dead.
You heard right about me.
I just I need some time
to think over your offer.
In the meantime, take this.
It's okay.
An offer of good faith.
What do you think I am, Kar,
a bloody tourist?
You come down here and try and palm
that made-in-a-Bangkok-sweatshop
piece of shit off on me?
You got big orchestras, mate.
Too bad I have to cut them off.
I have no idea what you just said.
Your balls.
He's gonna cut off your balls.
Cut him, Diesel.
He's mine.
Come on, shorty!
You done messed up, bro.
You're in for a treat now, boy.
You know what it's all about.
Jesus!
(TALL CANS IN THE AIR PLAYING)
What the hell are you looking at?
You're just so damn beautiful,
especially when you're angry.
That's my bird.
MASTER MONK: He will defeat
an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circles above.
Impossible.
Besides,
he's going to lose.
Get up, boss, get up!
Come on, man!
Come on, Mr. F, take him!
Get it?
Got him.
Yeah, where you going now, baby?
He's kind of nice.
Yeah, work it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Shit.
You're over!
Got no fancy shit now, huh?
It is over.
Hey, come on.
I'm bored with beating on this loser.
Besides, fighting always gets me hot.
Lucky for you,
this little bit of crumpet's come begging
for some of my funktastic love.
Me or my people ever see you boosting
in our territory again, mate,
I'm gonna snip your Hampton clean off,
mince it up and serve it as a shish kebab.
Now piss off.
(SIREN WAILING)
Congratulations on your victory.
Though, technically,
you were saved by a girl.
It was your charm
that convinced the girl to lead them away.
Hey, Mr. Do-gooder, if you were watching
the whole thing back there,
how come you didn't help me out?
Because you stole from me.
Oh, yeah. That.
But your fighting is very impressive.
Where do you study?
Golden Palace.
Golden Palace?
You studied with the venerable
fighting monks of Jinn Gong?
Whatever, man.
Look, it's been really great spending
more quality time with you and all that,
but I gotta run, okay?
Sorry about stealing
your whatever the hell that is.
Good luck with that enlightenment stuff.
The most undisciplined youth
I have ever laid eyes on.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Not so fast.
Not so fast?
I've been trying to get down with you
for a bloody long right time,
and every time
we're about to go all the way
you up and run out on me.
Nobody knows where you go,
what you do.
No one knows anything about you.
You know I'm worth waiting for.
Sorry, baby. You're on my list,
but you're not at the top.
What?
Piss off, you little tart.
I'm finished with you.
Hey, girl. Where's your necklace?
Oh, shit.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
Hey, shit! Come on! Let's go!
Relax, folks. Enjoy the intermission.
We have warm soda, stale popcorn,
and dried seaweed snacks
at the concession.
MAN: Hey, dickweed! Fix it!
I'm on it. I'm on it.
You missed the reel change.
Anybody asks for their money back,
I'm adding it to your rent.
They already saw half of it.
And I'm through taking your messages!
My name is Kojima,
not Sony, Sanyo, Toshiba.
Whoever heard of a Japanese guy
owning a Chinese movie theater anyway?
(EXCLAIMING) I heard that, you smart-ass!
(CHUCKLING)
You have two choices, Kar.
You can sit on your butt and do nothing
or fly like a phoenix from
the ashes of your pathetic life.
I'm flying. I'm flying!
People, relax.
MAN: Come on, projection boy!
Hey, I'm tired of the white screen!
Give me some color here! Hey!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
So, this is the Golden Palace
where you learn how to fight.
What the hell are you doing here?
I should have known
from your sloppy technique.
This is my place, okay?
Get out right now.
An enlightened man would offer
a humble traveler shelter for the night
and share a quiet conversation
over a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.
Really?
Well, I guess I ain't that enlightened.
'Cause I was thinking more
of kicking your freaky ass
back to wherever the hell it comes from.
For someone who says
he wants to kick my freaky ass,
you do a lot of talking.
Really?
Well,
I warned you, old man.
(EXCLAIMS)
Got a little quickness in you, don't you?
Okay. Fine.
Guess I can't make you get out.
I overheard people calling you car.
Spelled with a K. It's Cantonese.
Funny. You don't look Cantonese.
It means family, okay?
I figure I never had one growing up,
but from now on I'll never be without it.
I'm afraid you are mispronouncing
your name, sir.
It should sound more like ga.
Look, it's my name, okay?
I'll pronounce it however I want.
What about you? What's your name?
I don't have one.
What do you mean?
You gave yourself a name. I gave mine up.
Hey, what are you doing?
Put that down. Come on.
All right. This is a Rolex.
You don't touch that.
I know.
So,
why did you steal the girl's necklace?
I didn't steal it.
I just I borrowed it.
Look, I think she's into me.
I mean, I know she's into me.
So, I'm gonna return her lost necklace,
thereby making her
instantly indebted to me
and placing me
instantly in her good graces.
Deeply in her good graces.
It's foolproof.
Except for one fool, which would be you.
If she realizes what you did,
your entire plan will backfire.
(GRUNTS)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're sleeping in my bed?
It is quite comfortable, thank you.
You're absolutely crazy.
You eat my food. You sleep in my bed.
That's great.
You can at least tell me
why those guys were chasing you.
All right.
Let me put it in language
you will understand.
Okay.
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10,
while hot dog buns
come in packages of just eight?
(EXCLAIMS)
What the hell is that?
You can't answer my question
with another question,
especially one as stupid as that.
When you attain a state of enlightenment
that allows you to answer my question,
I will answer yours.
Good night.
What?
NINA: Ladies and gentlemen.
As the newly-appointed executive director
of the Human Rights Organization,
I would like to welcome you all here today.
Please, pardon our appearance.
As you can see,
we're still under construction.
But we wanted you,
our most generous supporters,
to have a preview of our new exhibit.
You see, out of the rubble that was Europe
at the end of World War II,
men and women of good will,
people like yourselves,
decided to build an organization dedicated
to the prevention of human rights abuses
all around the Earth.
And today I am here to tell you
we failed.
Thanks to all of you
and many others like you,
we are able to continue this fight.
This fight against hate,
violence, oppression, and cruelty
in all its forms.
Excuse me?
Yes?
Do you ever worry that some of the people
that come here may be inspired?
I hope each and every person
who comes here will be inspired.
I mean, inspired to do it again.
Oh.
Well, granted. There are an awful lot
of sick people in this world.
But, thankfully, most of them
don't attend our functions.
I have an idea.
How about instead of showing atrocity,
you do an exhibit that shows
man's humanity towards man?
You don't help anyone
by shielding them from reality.
Tell me.
Deep down inside,
in the very bottom of your soul,
who would you choose to be?
The one about to be shot
or the one about to do the shooting?
I really must go. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What's going on?
The event was quite successful.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Have you found it?
Yes. Now,
unfortunately, we also lost it.
I am surrounded by weakness and failure.
No. That was before.
Now I'm here.
You are surrounded
by respect, admiration,
and love.
We'll find the scroll.
It's only a matter of time.
Time
is the one thing I'm running out of.
For 60 years,
I have been chasing the scroll.
It holds the power to rejuvenate me,
to make me young again,
and to finally cleanse the world
of all inferior races,
as it should have been cleansed
all those years ago.
That's the power
you let slip through your fingers, Nina.
I have men combing the city
as we speak, Opa.
Here you go. All right. Who's next?
WOMAN: Plain with mustard, please.
Okay.
All right. Coming right up, ma'am.
Hey! Watch it.
Excuse me, sir!
I believe you dropped this.
Thank you. Thank you.
You're welcome.
What the hell was that?
Sleight of hand.
I thought I was through with you.
Now you show up again
and you're picking my pocket?
The pocket was yours,
but not what I picked.
Don't you have anything better to do
than follow me around
and screw up my attempts
to make a little extra cash?
Here you go.
Thanks, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa.
What? You got something
against hot dogs now?
'Cause if I remember correctly,
last night you were using them
to try to teach me ultimate enlightenment.
I was translating universal truth
into words you would understand,
but this.
To keep the body pure
one must not kill any living creature.
I didn't kill it. I'm gonna eat it.
And by the way, I got the answer
to your little question from last night.
Yeah?
Yeah. Check this out.
The reason hot dogs
come in packages of 10
and hot dog buns
come in packages of just eight
is that you always need more buns
for your hot dogs.
So no matter how much you get,
how much you win,
or how much you achieve,
you can never ever let yourself feel
like it's enough.
No, but good try.
You know, for a guy I barely know,
you're really starting to annoy me.
Knowing others means you are wise,
but knowing yourself
means you are enlightened.
Enough with all this
fortune-cookie philosophy, okay?
Target in sight.
Hold your position.
This is America.
We don't have enlightenment here.
We have Big Macs, strip clubs,
shopping malls, Las Vegas and HBO!
You got it?
Hey, you! Kar!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey.
You don't quite look
like the bad girl you did last night.
My necklace.
Excuse me?
Last night I lost my necklace.
Something tells me you may have an idea
of how I can get it back.
Well, I guess I could keep
my eyes and my ears open.
What's in it for me?
It belonged to my mom.
It's important to me.
I guess I'd owe you one.
Who is your friend?
Him?
He's my personal bodyguard.
Watches my back.
He's an incredibly deadly Shaolin monk.
Ten fingers, ten toes.
Twenty reasons to die.
Shaolin monks
shave their heads every day.
You're no Shaolin monk.
Tibetan Buddhist, maybe?
This young lady is nobody's fool.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(JADE LAUGHING)
Yeah, tell me about it.
You know,
last night was the first time
that I've ever seen anybody
stand up to Funktastic.
Incredibly brave
and incredibly stupid at the same time.
Interesting mix.
I'm sorry. I have to go.
Where you going?
(GRUNTS)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Over there!
There they are! Come on!
Sorry, man! This is your fight, not mine!
Good luck!
Oh, shit!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Come on! Come on!
Thought about it, man!
Couldn't just leave you hanging like that!
Watch out!
(CAR HONKING)
Man down!
Kar, let's go!
This way.
These guys don't give up easy.
They haven't for 60 years.
Hold up!
Inside! Quick!
Come on.
COP: Where did he go?
COP 2: I don't know. We had him.
Out the back! They went out the back!
Go, go.
Wow, you're really popular.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Brother Tenzin.
Brother.
Allow me to offer you
a place to freshen up
and a cup of our finest butter tea.
Please.
Hey, can I have some tea?
I'm thirsty, man.
Been doing a lot of running lately.
Something I said?
What's up, man? That's how we do it.
There you go. That's where you let go.
Really?
Tell me, brother, who is the young man?
He's a thief.
You got one hell of a handshake.
Unfortunately, it's not strong enough.
A thief and you bring him here?
Water which is too pure has no fish.
Yes, I see.
My uncle told me what happened in
the Temple of Sublime Truth 60 years ago.
When you became the next
and protected him,
he was just a child.
But he never forgot what he saw that day.
The wonders of the scroll.
For 60 years, we have been preparing.
Now, the Year of the Ram
is once again upon us.
And we have a number of very apt pupils
right here in our humble temple.
And one very strong candidate.
Ah, not bad.
(IN TREMBLING VOICE)
Yeah. I'm not even trying.
You thought you were gonna win,
but you're not.
Oh, you think so?
I know so.
It is not a matter of study alone.
There are the prophecies.
Surely you agree, brother,
the prophecies do not apply
to such a common thief, a pickpocket.
The prophecies must apply to everyone
or they mean nothing.
Of course.
You let go first.
No way.
Hey.
Just playing around.
Next time, brother.
Yeah, next time.
You helped me get away from those men.
Maybe there is some help I can give you
with your fighting.
Let's do it.
Here, here.
Special medicine.
Ah.
Hey, it's cool. It's comfy.
It's fast-acting. This stuff is great.
What is it?
Homemade. From my own urine.
That's disgusting.
JADE: Excuse me?
Yes?
I'm looking for someone. His name is Kar.
I asked around
and I heard that he works here.
What's a pretty girl like you
want to see him for?
I think that he may be in trouble.
Oh, damn right, he is in trouble.
Half the day has gone by
and he still hasn't got back
with tonight's movie.
So you're saying
that you haven't seen him all day?
Don't worry. Kar can take care of himself.
That's part of why I trust him to help me.
What's the other part?
I just don't know why, but I keep thinking
that kid's got potential.
So they tell me.
Will you make sure that he gets this?
What am I, a secretary?
Please.
You're welcome.
Bad Girl?
You must learn the unity of opposites.
Be mobile and stationary.
Defensive and offensive.
You attack
with all the wrong weapons, Kar.
It is not about anger. It's about peace.
(KAR GROANS)
It's not about power. It's about grace.
It's not about knowing your enemy.
It's all about knowing yourself.
How'd you do that?
The air.
You can't see it, but it fills your lungs.
It's as real as blood or flesh or bone
or earth, or water.
Once you realize this,
you treat the air the same way.
You step on it as you would a stone.
You swim through it as you would the sea.
And all you have to do is believe.
Believe what?
The laws of gravity don't exist?
If you truly believe that they don't,
then they don't.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
Get down!
Hold the scroll. Don't lose it.
Right there!
Stay here.
COP ON RADIO: This is Air Team.
Target is on the roof.
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, no.
Oh, shit!
(GROANING)
(BEEPING)
PILOT: I'm hit. I'm pulling out.
(PANTING)
No!
(SIREN WAILING)
Help!
Are you okay?
Look, I'm sorry about the scroll
and thanks for saving my life.
But I just came this close to being killed.
I'm a pickpocket, not a hero.
I'm out of here.
Hey!
Kar.
Don't you want to know the truth?
Well, it's about time you came clean.
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)
Right.
That's right. Keep it going.
Golden Palace theater.
Very good.
So, who are these guys after the scroll?
Mercenaries led by a Nazi.
A hungry ghost obsessed with the past.
(SPEAKING PUNJABI)
You speak like you were born
in the Punjab, my friend.
In fact, I would say you were a follower
of the Guru's path yourself but
(RANJAHX PLAYING ON STEREO)
I know. Not enough hair.
You like this music?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the bomb-diggity.
Excuse me.
I have to talk to my baby mama-to-be.
Go ahead.
In Kashmir, I studied
the enlightened teachings of the Gurus
until Strucker found me again.
Strucker? He's the leader?
His dream is to remake the world
in his own image.
Every race, creed, color
he deems inferior, destroyed.
Total genocide.
If all this insanity is even remotely true,
you should've let me die
and saved the scroll.
I place great value on your life,
but not as much as I place
on the life of the world.
NINA: Well?
It's a recipe for noodle soup.
Noodle soup?
You may be my granddaughter,
but that will only protect you for so long.
Then where's the scroll?
On my body. In my soul.
I've been running for a long time.
Too many close calls.
The scroll needed to be someplace safe.
So you've been protecting
the scroll for, like, 60 years?
Look at you. You haven't aged one bit.
Whoever is entrusted with the scroll
gains the trust of time.
If you become ill, you will recover.
If injured, you will heal.
He who protects the scroll
is protected by it.
Hello there.
Sorry, but the show's been delayed.
Can I offer you popcorn? On the house.
No, thanks. Health Department.
Hey, hey, hey, I got an A, see?
You have a young man working for you.
He lives here.
You're aware that's a serious violation
of health and safety codes?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Does that jog your memory?
I'm calling the cops, you crazy bitch.
Oh, I'm not crazy, but I am a bitch.
Man, if I knew I was gonna pay,
I wouldn't have cabbed it.
Yo, Mr. Kojima.
Well, my boss doesn't seem to be here.
Which means you don't get
to watch me get yelled at.
Bad Girl.
Mr. Kojima!
(SIGHS)
Kar, over here.
I'm sorry, Kar.
I should have never gotten you involved.
I just
You just what?
I had a crazy notion
that maybe you could fulfill a prophecy
once told to me by another old man
before he died.
They are never going to stop
until they get me and the scroll.
Go someplace safe
and forget about all of this.
Goodbye, Kar.
Time to fly.
Monk!
Monk!
Shit.
Open up!
(KNOCKING)
Somebody!
Excuse me.
Go away.
Look, I'm sorry if I woke you,
but do you remember me from before?
I was with the monk.
Look
Look, I have to find him.
No, not here.
No!
Stop.
He is a friend.
Hi.
Listen to me, man.
You can't do this alone.
I carry the responsibility
of the scroll on my shoulders,
no one else's.
If I have to carry it another 60 years, I will.
I'll be safe here till the morning.
Then I'm leaving.
What about me?
I'm sorry, Kar,
but this way is better for both of us.
No.
You can't abandon me like this.
Not after everything
you just put me through.
Because now I got nothing.
They're here.
My brothers!
You have to escape.
Escape to where?
Where is he?
Downstairs.
Stop! No!
I'll kill him.
Why?
I don't want to protect the scroll.
I want to read it, take the power.
Even if I have to share it.
Is this your idea of a joke?
Trust me. I'll get us out of the city.
STRUCKER: My brother monks,
when I finally get my hands
on your brother with no name,
he will, of course, resist my efforts
to secure the location of the scroll.
But with this machine,
I'll torture
the information I need out of him.
And now for a little test.
What?
No! Let me go. What are you doing?
We had a deal!
Did you really think I was going to share
ultimate power with you?
(GROANS)
STRUCKER: Engage hydro system.
TECH: Hydro systems engaged.
(RATTLING)
(RUMBLING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
STRUCKER: Too bad you have
no useful information for me.
Now, find me the monk.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(BOAT HORN BLOWS)
Skipper's cool.
He's gonna take us
right where we want to go.
You all right, man?
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
You led me to the path
I should have chosen.
Thank you, Kar.
Isn't it customary to call a girl
before you show up at her house?
Yeah.
I figured it's in the middle of the night.
If I call her up, she might say,
No way in hell.
If I show up in person,
she's not gonna say no
to my charming face.
You know what, man?
I'm not taking advice about women
from a monk.
I wasn't born a monk. Nobody is.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(BOAT HORN BLOWS)
(DOGS BARKING)
Hiding here for the night? Bad idea.
You must trust your instincts.
Where could we be safer
than in a house surrounded by guards?
So how we gonna get in, genius?
Why ask me? You are the thief.
(DOG BARKING)
Okay. The two principles of every rip-off
are misdirection and speed.
Misdirection.
(THUDDING)
And speed.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
The coast is clear. Let's go.
All right.
KAR: How about a boost?
How about you do this one on your own?
Okay.
(EXHALES)
You okay?
Just checking the distance.
I know. Hurry up.
It's good.
Sure you don't want to do it?
No, I'm fine.
(SIGHS) Okay.
(EXHALES)
You're good.
Check this out.
Oh, shit!
Don't say anything.
You feel a little bit dizzy? Do you?
I'm okay.
Good.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Very much. Do it.
Yeah.
(EXHALES)
Okay, forget everything
you've ever learned
about how the universe operates.
I can step on the air like a stone,
swim through it like the sea.
All I gotta do is believe.
(EXHALES)
Not bad.
(GRUNTING)
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
Lover of weird insects and deadly reptiles.
(HISSING)
(EXHALES)
Hey, Bad Girl.
Oh, jeez!
Kar, what the hell are you doing here?
Lose this?
I didn't lose it. You stole it.
That's not true.
You're a liar.
Come on. You're a pickpocket.
You expect me to believe that?
I'm the nice guy. I wouldn't steal from you.
You can't lie for shit.
I'm a terrific liar.
Okay. I did take it.
But I was just I was borrowing it
so I could give it back.
Look, it was a stupid thing to do, okay?
Sometimes I can be kind of
An asshole!
I may have lied to you about the necklace,
but I never lied to you about who I am.
You're saying that I did?
Yeah. Look at this place.
I thought you were
from the streets like me,
but it turns out
you're some spoiled little rich girl.
You don't know a damn thing about it.
I think I do.
You kind of liked that, didn't you?
Is this what you want?
(GROANS)
Why are you really here?
I came here
because I thought I could trust you.
That monk, he's got these mystical words
tattooed on his body
that some psycho from World War II needs
in order to take over
the whole goddamn world.
You're crazy!
Kar? Kar, are you okay?
MONK: He'll be fine.
JADE: What are you doing here?
That is not the question you need to ask.
Instead, you should be asking yourself
why you run away
from this palace every night
then race back to it each morning.
With all due respect,
please don't tell me
how to live my life, okay?
I'm not telling you how to live your life.
I'm only suggesting you would be happier
living one complete life
instead of two lives that are incomplete.
(GROANS)
Kar.
(GROANS)
Hey. You were right.
I think I should have called first.
I'm sorry.
My life's complicated.
My dad's Ivan Kerensky.
What?
Ivan the Terrible?
(SCOFFS)
You're a Russian mafia princess?
That's perfect.
My name is Jade.
And my dad is serving
So maybe now you understand
why I've been keeping
everything about myself secret.
Because the street is the one place
where I can earn my own respect.
He will battle for love
in the Palace of Jade.
Two out of three.
Two out of three what?
Prophecies.
Look out!
Clever.
Careful with that body of his. It's priceless.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
They must have found your address
when they killed Kojima.
We need to get moving.
Where the hell are we supposed to go?
The Human Rights Organization
downtown.
That's crazy.
That bitch who just wrecked my house,
she's the executive director there.
I was there this morning
for an exhibit opening.
My dad always told me
that the best place to hide
is the last place that they would expect.
And the Human Rights Organization
is the last place anyone
would ever expect to find
some of the biggest
human rights abusers in history.
Thanks. I gotta do this on my own.
Monk's the only family I got.
I can help.
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
How do you like my armor-plated car, Kar?
We can use the subway
to reach the old water main,
which will get us into
the Human Rights building from below.
Jeez! That's a nice collection of toys
your father keeps in the garage.
Who said these are my dad's?
NINA: My grandfather used to tell me
stories about you when I was a little girl.
I used to think you were a myth,
something he made up
to lull me to sleep at night.
And then one day,
he showed me these.
Ever wonder how he kept finding you
after all these years?
Oh, my name's Nina, by the way.
You don't have a name, do you?
That's kind of sexy.
How far down do these tattoos go,
I wonder?
(UNZIPS PANTS)
That far.
Well, I guess I'll have to scan it all,
every inch. Oh, well.
Big job. Someone's got to do it.
(BUZZING)
You know, we might not make it
out of this thing alive.
Out of my car?
You got a lot of guts
for coming with me on this insane ride.
Guts and insanity.
Interesting mix.
Not making it out of this thing alive
that would really suck
under the circumstances.
Yeah.
Definitely.
(RATTLING)
Look at me, monk.
For you, the years were nothing,
but I withered and grew old.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
But all that is about to change. Nina.
(BEEPING)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(GUNS FIRING)
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(ALARM SOUNDING)
(STRUCKER READING)
Find out what's going on, Nina.
Now!
(ALARM ECHOING)
(SHOUTING)
(SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
Kaboom.
You two, to the right.
Don't move!
Guys,
it's not about anger. It's about peace.
(GRUNTING)
You do have potential.
(GROANING)
The monk is down here. I can feel it.
And now, the last verse.
(RECITING IN TIBETAN)
Where
Where is the rest of it?
Where is the last verse of the scroll?
Where is it?
I memorized it.
Just in case someone like you
managed to get this far.
Fine.
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(RUMBLING)
Oh, shit. We gotta move!
Get up!
Come on!
Kar!
(GROANS)
Hello, my dear.
Fancy meeting you here.
(GRUNTING)
Now you will tell me what I want to know.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SCREAMS)
You know, this is getting very annoying.
(MOANS)
(RUMBLING)
You okay?
I'm okay.
Let's go back there and finish him off.
I'll fight him myself.
You're not ready.
Oh, really? I rescued you, didn't I?
(GROANS)
Kar, stay back!
No way.
Kar!
Oh, my God.
(GROANING)
The last verse
or I destroy you.
Destroy me,
and the scroll will be gone forever.
(CREAKING)
You may be willing to sacrifice yourself,
but are you willing to watch him die first?
The last verse
or I drop him.
Kar, remember.
You can beat him.
If I can't have it,
I will take you and the scroll with me.
For 60 years,
I have given you the chance to change.
I will never change!
(SCREAMING)
Hey.
Hey.
It's over?
Not yet.
You are the next, Kar.
When you rescued them
you fulfilled the third prophecy.
My time has ended. Yours has come.
(WIND HOWLING)
(WHISPERING)
It is done.
Look out!
(CREAKING)
(GASPS)
Jade?
(SIRENS WAILING)
MASTER MONK: He will defeat
an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circles above.
JADE: Come on.
I'm bored with beating on this loser.
He will battle for love
in the Palace of Jade.
He will free the brothers he never knew
with the family he never had.
You both fulfilled the prophecies.
Not two lives that are incomplete,
one complete life.
(THE WAY YOU DREAM PLAYING)
I guess you're not the only one
that's bulletproof.
Kar.
Your preparation is complete.
Except for one last thing.
The final verse of the scroll.
And the second part.
Now you are inseparable.
A unity of opposites.
Enjoy your vacation.
What are you doing?
Checking to see nothing is missing.
I remember the first hug you gave me.
(JADE LAUGHING)
KAR: Hey.
So, I figured it out.
Why hot dogs come in packages of ten
and hot dog buns
come in packages of eight.
See, the thing is
that life doesn't always work out
according to plan.
So be happy with what you've got.
Because you can always get a hot dog.
You got it.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
MASTER MONK: of my destiny
and the beginning of yours.
When you first came to me,
you were the most undisciplined
youth I had ever laid eyes on.
And yet you proved yourself worthy
to be the next guardian.
You have fulfilled
the three noble prophesies.
You defeated an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circled above.
And then you battled for love
in the Palace of Jade.
And finally,
you freed brothers you never knew
with the family you never had.
Now you must make the final sacrifice.
You must give up your name.
I have already forgotten it, Master.
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
The Scroll of the Ultimate.
Whoever reads its words
out loud in their entirety
will gain the power to control the world
and turn it into a paradise or a living hell.
Mankind is not ready for so much power
and may never be.
That is why it is our duty
to protect the scroll
from being read by anyone,
including ourselves.
(MONKEY SCREECHES)
Five times the Year of the Ram has passed
since I became the next
from my honored predecessor,
and his master before him,
and so on, and so on.
I have been protecting
the scroll for 60 years.
Now it is your turn.
(WIND HOWLING)
It is done.
The next 60 years should be
very interesting for you.
(SOLDIERS SPEAKING GERMAN)
It's time for me to do
what I've always wanted to do
ever since those pesky British
showed up in 1904.
What's that, Master?
Take a vacation.
(MACHINE GUNS FIRING)
(MEN SHOUTING)
The scroll.
You must protect scroll.
Master! Master!
(MEN SHOUTING)
Stay hidden, no matter what.
Go!
My brother monks,
you have seen the destructive power
which is mine to command.
I also have the power
to leave this blessed monastery in peace.
Enjoy your vacation, Master.
I trust you will do what's best for all of us
and step aside.
No?
(SOLDIER ORDERS IN GERMAN)
SOLDIER: Fire!
The scroll.
(SOLDIER SHOUTING IN GERMAN)
(MACHINEGUN FIRING)
(CRASHING)
(GROANING)
Okay, let's go in.
Anybody home?
(MONKEY CHATTERS)
I don't like monkeys.
The scroll.
You may be good
but you are not bulletproof.
Monk?
Monk?
Monk?
Monk!
Monk!
(TRAIN HORN BLARES)
Rush hour.
(DIAMONDS AND GUNS PLAYING)
I'm sorry. I'll get that. Sorry.
No problem.
Sorry.
You picked the wrong pocket
to pick, prick!
Sorry about that, Officer.
Nice cuffs.
Officer needs assistance.
Six-foot Caucasian male,
black leather jacket.
Heading north, Bishop Square.
On my way.
Do you see him?
Yep. Got him.
Okay. Get in position. Wait for my move.
Confirming visual on the target.
I got him at 9:00.
Pick him up. We have a go.
Approaching target now.
Hey!
Go, go, go!
The target is on the run.
Don't let him get away!
COP: Hey! Stop!
Bishop Square platform. Officer in pursuit!
Hey, man, what's up?
Out of my way, punk! Knock it off!
Coming through!
Get out of the way!
Katie!
Mommy!
Oh, my God. Somebody get her!
MAN: How'd she get in there?
Katie!
Let's get out of here. Let's go!
Somebody help.
She's stuck. Grab her leg.
Mommy.
It's gonna be okay.
Do it!
MOTHER: Oh, my God!
Get her out of there!
(TRAIN APPROACHING)
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be okay, baby.
Get ready to pull!
KAR: You son of a bitch.
You just lost my whole stash.
Be happy. You helped save a human life.
Yeah, well, last time I checked
there's no reward for that.
Tell me, how did you do that back there?
Practice.
(SCOFFS)
Who the hell are you, anyway?
That's not the question you need to ask.
You should be asking yourself
who you are.
Your mind is filled with compassion.
That's why you risked your life
to help the child.
But your mind is also impure.
So you forget the spiritual reward
and think only of the financial.
Well, if you're so pure,
why were all those guys in suits
chasing you?
It doesn't concern you.
Let me guess, FBI, CIA, INS.
I said it doesn't concern you.
Unbelievable.
I'm sorry!
Every man's life
concerns every other man,
especially if he is on the noble path
to true enlightenment.
Can you accept my apology?
Apology accepted.
Thanks for helping me.
No problem, man.
You're boosting in the wrong turf!
Get your punk ass over here.
Finger man here calls himself Kar.
He got caught ripping off marks
at the Bishop Square subway station.
Funktastic's the name
and profit's the game.
See, I'm a businessman.
And my fiscal policy toward crime
consists of two words,
zero tolerance.
Unless, of course, the criminal in question
has an officially authorized franchise.
And you ain't got one.
I'm supposed to pay you
for the right to rip people off?
MAN: That's right.
60% off the top.
This entitles you to squatter's rights
in Mr. Funktastic's cribs,
chow at his greasy spoons,
and protection provided by Mr. Funktastic
and his crew.
And that's us.
KAR: You know, it's really enticing.
But if this is an example
of a Funktastic crib,
I'm gonna check myself into a Motel 6.
(ALL LAUGHING)
That's good.
Pretty funny.
You'd be a corpse already, mate,
if not for the fact
I heard you're
an exceptionally good earner.
Maybe I heard wrong.
In which case, you're nothing to me, mate.
You're less than nothing.
Around here,
less than nothing means dead.
You heard right about me.
I just I need some time
to think over your offer.
In the meantime, take this.
It's okay.
An offer of good faith.
What do you think I am, Kar,
a bloody tourist?
You come down here and try and palm
that made-in-a-Bangkok-sweatshop
piece of shit off on me?
You got big orchestras, mate.
Too bad I have to cut them off.
I have no idea what you just said.
Your balls.
He's gonna cut off your balls.
Cut him, Diesel.
He's mine.
Come on, shorty!
You done messed up, bro.
You're in for a treat now, boy.
You know what it's all about.
Jesus!
(TALL CANS IN THE AIR PLAYING)
What the hell are you looking at?
You're just so damn beautiful,
especially when you're angry.
That's my bird.
MASTER MONK: He will defeat
an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circles above.
Impossible.
Besides,
he's going to lose.
Get up, boss, get up!
Come on, man!
Come on, Mr. F, take him!
Get it?
Got him.
Yeah, where you going now, baby?
He's kind of nice.
Yeah, work it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Shit.
You're over!
Got no fancy shit now, huh?
It is over.
Hey, come on.
I'm bored with beating on this loser.
Besides, fighting always gets me hot.
Lucky for you,
this little bit of crumpet's come begging
for some of my funktastic love.
Me or my people ever see you boosting
in our territory again, mate,
I'm gonna snip your Hampton clean off,
mince it up and serve it as a shish kebab.
Now piss off.
(SIREN WAILING)
Congratulations on your victory.
Though, technically,
you were saved by a girl.
It was your charm
that convinced the girl to lead them away.
Hey, Mr. Do-gooder, if you were watching
the whole thing back there,
how come you didn't help me out?
Because you stole from me.
Oh, yeah. That.
But your fighting is very impressive.
Where do you study?
Golden Palace.
Golden Palace?
You studied with the venerable
fighting monks of Jinn Gong?
Whatever, man.
Look, it's been really great spending
more quality time with you and all that,
but I gotta run, okay?
Sorry about stealing
your whatever the hell that is.
Good luck with that enlightenment stuff.
The most undisciplined youth
I have ever laid eyes on.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Not so fast.
Not so fast?
I've been trying to get down with you
for a bloody long right time,
and every time
we're about to go all the way
you up and run out on me.
Nobody knows where you go,
what you do.
No one knows anything about you.
You know I'm worth waiting for.
Sorry, baby. You're on my list,
but you're not at the top.
What?
Piss off, you little tart.
I'm finished with you.
Hey, girl. Where's your necklace?
Oh, shit.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
Hey, shit! Come on! Let's go!
Relax, folks. Enjoy the intermission.
We have warm soda, stale popcorn,
and dried seaweed snacks
at the concession.
MAN: Hey, dickweed! Fix it!
I'm on it. I'm on it.
You missed the reel change.
Anybody asks for their money back,
I'm adding it to your rent.
They already saw half of it.
And I'm through taking your messages!
My name is Kojima,
not Sony, Sanyo, Toshiba.
Whoever heard of a Japanese guy
owning a Chinese movie theater anyway?
(EXCLAIMING) I heard that, you smart-ass!
(CHUCKLING)
You have two choices, Kar.
You can sit on your butt and do nothing
or fly like a phoenix from
the ashes of your pathetic life.
I'm flying. I'm flying!
People, relax.
MAN: Come on, projection boy!
Hey, I'm tired of the white screen!
Give me some color here! Hey!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
So, this is the Golden Palace
where you learn how to fight.
What the hell are you doing here?
I should have known
from your sloppy technique.
This is my place, okay?
Get out right now.
An enlightened man would offer
a humble traveler shelter for the night
and share a quiet conversation
over a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.
Really?
Well, I guess I ain't that enlightened.
'Cause I was thinking more
of kicking your freaky ass
back to wherever the hell it comes from.
For someone who says
he wants to kick my freaky ass,
you do a lot of talking.
Really?
Well,
I warned you, old man.
(EXCLAIMS)
Got a little quickness in you, don't you?
Okay. Fine.
Guess I can't make you get out.
I overheard people calling you car.
Spelled with a K. It's Cantonese.
Funny. You don't look Cantonese.
It means family, okay?
I figure I never had one growing up,
but from now on I'll never be without it.
I'm afraid you are mispronouncing
your name, sir.
It should sound more like ga.
Look, it's my name, okay?
I'll pronounce it however I want.
What about you? What's your name?
I don't have one.
What do you mean?
You gave yourself a name. I gave mine up.
Hey, what are you doing?
Put that down. Come on.
All right. This is a Rolex.
You don't touch that.
I know.
So,
why did you steal the girl's necklace?
I didn't steal it.
I just I borrowed it.
Look, I think she's into me.
I mean, I know she's into me.
So, I'm gonna return her lost necklace,
thereby making her
instantly indebted to me
and placing me
instantly in her good graces.
Deeply in her good graces.
It's foolproof.
Except for one fool, which would be you.
If she realizes what you did,
your entire plan will backfire.
(GRUNTS)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're sleeping in my bed?
It is quite comfortable, thank you.
You're absolutely crazy.
You eat my food. You sleep in my bed.
That's great.
You can at least tell me
why those guys were chasing you.
All right.
Let me put it in language
you will understand.
Okay.
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10,
while hot dog buns
come in packages of just eight?
(EXCLAIMS)
What the hell is that?
You can't answer my question
with another question,
especially one as stupid as that.
When you attain a state of enlightenment
that allows you to answer my question,
I will answer yours.
Good night.
What?
NINA: Ladies and gentlemen.
As the newly-appointed executive director
of the Human Rights Organization,
I would like to welcome you all here today.
Please, pardon our appearance.
As you can see,
we're still under construction.
But we wanted you,
our most generous supporters,
to have a preview of our new exhibit.
You see, out of the rubble that was Europe
at the end of World War II,
men and women of good will,
people like yourselves,
decided to build an organization dedicated
to the prevention of human rights abuses
all around the Earth.
And today I am here to tell you
we failed.
Thanks to all of you
and many others like you,
we are able to continue this fight.
This fight against hate,
violence, oppression, and cruelty
in all its forms.
Excuse me?
Yes?
Do you ever worry that some of the people
that come here may be inspired?
I hope each and every person
who comes here will be inspired.
I mean, inspired to do it again.
Oh.
Well, granted. There are an awful lot
of sick people in this world.
But, thankfully, most of them
don't attend our functions.
I have an idea.
How about instead of showing atrocity,
you do an exhibit that shows
man's humanity towards man?
You don't help anyone
by shielding them from reality.
Tell me.
Deep down inside,
in the very bottom of your soul,
who would you choose to be?
The one about to be shot
or the one about to do the shooting?
I really must go. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What's going on?
The event was quite successful.
That's not what I'm talking about.
Have you found it?
Yes. Now,
unfortunately, we also lost it.
I am surrounded by weakness and failure.
No. That was before.
Now I'm here.
You are surrounded
by respect, admiration,
and love.
We'll find the scroll.
It's only a matter of time.
Time
is the one thing I'm running out of.
For 60 years,
I have been chasing the scroll.
It holds the power to rejuvenate me,
to make me young again,
and to finally cleanse the world
of all inferior races,
as it should have been cleansed
all those years ago.
That's the power
you let slip through your fingers, Nina.
I have men combing the city
as we speak, Opa.
Here you go. All right. Who's next?
WOMAN: Plain with mustard, please.
Okay.
All right. Coming right up, ma'am.
Hey! Watch it.
Excuse me, sir!
I believe you dropped this.
Thank you. Thank you.
You're welcome.
What the hell was that?
Sleight of hand.
I thought I was through with you.
Now you show up again
and you're picking my pocket?
The pocket was yours,
but not what I picked.
Don't you have anything better to do
than follow me around
and screw up my attempts
to make a little extra cash?
Here you go.
Thanks, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa.
What? You got something
against hot dogs now?
'Cause if I remember correctly,
last night you were using them
to try to teach me ultimate enlightenment.
I was translating universal truth
into words you would understand,
but this.
To keep the body pure
one must not kill any living creature.
I didn't kill it. I'm gonna eat it.
And by the way, I got the answer
to your little question from last night.
Yeah?
Yeah. Check this out.
The reason hot dogs
come in packages of 10
and hot dog buns
come in packages of just eight
is that you always need more buns
for your hot dogs.
So no matter how much you get,
how much you win,
or how much you achieve,
you can never ever let yourself feel
like it's enough.
No, but good try.
You know, for a guy I barely know,
you're really starting to annoy me.
Knowing others means you are wise,
but knowing yourself
means you are enlightened.
Enough with all this
fortune-cookie philosophy, okay?
Target in sight.
Hold your position.
This is America.
We don't have enlightenment here.
We have Big Macs, strip clubs,
shopping malls, Las Vegas and HBO!
You got it?
Hey, you! Kar!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey.
You don't quite look
like the bad girl you did last night.
My necklace.
Excuse me?
Last night I lost my necklace.
Something tells me you may have an idea
of how I can get it back.
Well, I guess I could keep
my eyes and my ears open.
What's in it for me?
It belonged to my mom.
It's important to me.
I guess I'd owe you one.
Who is your friend?
Him?
He's my personal bodyguard.
Watches my back.
He's an incredibly deadly Shaolin monk.
Ten fingers, ten toes.
Twenty reasons to die.
Shaolin monks
shave their heads every day.
You're no Shaolin monk.
Tibetan Buddhist, maybe?
This young lady is nobody's fool.
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(JADE LAUGHING)
Yeah, tell me about it.
You know,
last night was the first time
that I've ever seen anybody
stand up to Funktastic.
Incredibly brave
and incredibly stupid at the same time.
Interesting mix.
I'm sorry. I have to go.
Where you going?
(GRUNTS)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
Over there!
There they are! Come on!
Sorry, man! This is your fight, not mine!
Good luck!
Oh, shit!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Come on! Come on!
Thought about it, man!
Couldn't just leave you hanging like that!
Watch out!
(CAR HONKING)
Man down!
Kar, let's go!
This way.
These guys don't give up easy.
They haven't for 60 years.
Hold up!
Inside! Quick!
Come on.
COP: Where did he go?
COP 2: I don't know. We had him.
Out the back! They went out the back!
Go, go.
Wow, you're really popular.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Brother Tenzin.
Brother.
Allow me to offer you
a place to freshen up
and a cup of our finest butter tea.
Please.
Hey, can I have some tea?
I'm thirsty, man.
Been doing a lot of running lately.
Something I said?
What's up, man? That's how we do it.
There you go. That's where you let go.
Really?
Tell me, brother, who is the young man?
He's a thief.
You got one hell of a handshake.
Unfortunately, it's not strong enough.
A thief and you bring him here?
Water which is too pure has no fish.
Yes, I see.
My uncle told me what happened in
the Temple of Sublime Truth 60 years ago.
When you became the next
and protected him,
he was just a child.
But he never forgot what he saw that day.
The wonders of the scroll.
For 60 years, we have been preparing.
Now, the Year of the Ram
is once again upon us.
And we have a number of very apt pupils
right here in our humble temple.
And one very strong candidate.
Ah, not bad.
(IN TREMBLING VOICE)
Yeah. I'm not even trying.
You thought you were gonna win,
but you're not.
Oh, you think so?
I know so.
It is not a matter of study alone.
There are the prophecies.
Surely you agree, brother,
the prophecies do not apply
to such a common thief, a pickpocket.
The prophecies must apply to everyone
or they mean nothing.
Of course.
You let go first.
No way.
Hey.
Just playing around.
Next time, brother.
Yeah, next time.
You helped me get away from those men.
Maybe there is some help I can give you
with your fighting.
Let's do it.
Here, here.
Special medicine.
Ah.
Hey, it's cool. It's comfy.
It's fast-acting. This stuff is great.
What is it?
Homemade. From my own urine.
That's disgusting.
JADE: Excuse me?
Yes?
I'm looking for someone. His name is Kar.
I asked around
and I heard that he works here.
What's a pretty girl like you
want to see him for?
I think that he may be in trouble.
Oh, damn right, he is in trouble.
Half the day has gone by
and he still hasn't got back
with tonight's movie.
So you're saying
that you haven't seen him all day?
Don't worry. Kar can take care of himself.
That's part of why I trust him to help me.
What's the other part?
I just don't know why, but I keep thinking
that kid's got potential.
So they tell me.
Will you make sure that he gets this?
What am I, a secretary?
Please.
You're welcome.
Bad Girl?
You must learn the unity of opposites.
Be mobile and stationary.
Defensive and offensive.
You attack
with all the wrong weapons, Kar.
It is not about anger. It's about peace.
(KAR GROANS)
It's not about power. It's about grace.
It's not about knowing your enemy.
It's all about knowing yourself.
How'd you do that?
The air.
You can't see it, but it fills your lungs.
It's as real as blood or flesh or bone
or earth, or water.
Once you realize this,
you treat the air the same way.
You step on it as you would a stone.
You swim through it as you would the sea.
And all you have to do is believe.
Believe what?
The laws of gravity don't exist?
If you truly believe that they don't,
then they don't.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
Get down!
Hold the scroll. Don't lose it.
Right there!
Stay here.
COP ON RADIO: This is Air Team.
Target is on the roof.
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, no.
Oh, shit!
(GROANING)
(BEEPING)
PILOT: I'm hit. I'm pulling out.
(PANTING)
No!
(SIREN WAILING)
Help!
Are you okay?
Look, I'm sorry about the scroll
and thanks for saving my life.
But I just came this close to being killed.
I'm a pickpocket, not a hero.
I'm out of here.
Hey!
Kar.
Don't you want to know the truth?
Well, it's about time you came clean.
(POLICE RADIO CHATTERING)
Right.
That's right. Keep it going.
Golden Palace theater.
Very good.
So, who are these guys after the scroll?
Mercenaries led by a Nazi.
A hungry ghost obsessed with the past.
(SPEAKING PUNJABI)
You speak like you were born
in the Punjab, my friend.
In fact, I would say you were a follower
of the Guru's path yourself but
(RANJAHX PLAYING ON STEREO)
I know. Not enough hair.
You like this music?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the bomb-diggity.
Excuse me.
I have to talk to my baby mama-to-be.
Go ahead.
In Kashmir, I studied
the enlightened teachings of the Gurus
until Strucker found me again.
Strucker? He's the leader?
His dream is to remake the world
in his own image.
Every race, creed, color
he deems inferior, destroyed.
Total genocide.
If all this insanity is even remotely true,
you should've let me die
and saved the scroll.
I place great value on your life,
but not as much as I place
on the life of the world.
NINA: Well?
It's a recipe for noodle soup.
Noodle soup?
You may be my granddaughter,
but that will only protect you for so long.
Then where's the scroll?
On my body. In my soul.
I've been running for a long time.
Too many close calls.
The scroll needed to be someplace safe.
So you've been protecting
the scroll for, like, 60 years?
Look at you. You haven't aged one bit.
Whoever is entrusted with the scroll
gains the trust of time.
If you become ill, you will recover.
If injured, you will heal.
He who protects the scroll
is protected by it.
Hello there.
Sorry, but the show's been delayed.
Can I offer you popcorn? On the house.
No, thanks. Health Department.
Hey, hey, hey, I got an A, see?
You have a young man working for you.
He lives here.
You're aware that's a serious violation
of health and safety codes?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Does that jog your memory?
I'm calling the cops, you crazy bitch.
Oh, I'm not crazy, but I am a bitch.
Man, if I knew I was gonna pay,
I wouldn't have cabbed it.
Yo, Mr. Kojima.
Well, my boss doesn't seem to be here.
Which means you don't get
to watch me get yelled at.
Bad Girl.
Mr. Kojima!
(SIGHS)
Kar, over here.
I'm sorry, Kar.
I should have never gotten you involved.
I just
You just what?
I had a crazy notion
that maybe you could fulfill a prophecy
once told to me by another old man
before he died.
They are never going to stop
until they get me and the scroll.
Go someplace safe
and forget about all of this.
Goodbye, Kar.
Time to fly.
Monk!
Monk!
Shit.
Open up!
(KNOCKING)
Somebody!
Excuse me.
Go away.
Look, I'm sorry if I woke you,
but do you remember me from before?
I was with the monk.
Look
Look, I have to find him.
No, not here.
No!
Stop.
He is a friend.
Hi.
Listen to me, man.
You can't do this alone.
I carry the responsibility
of the scroll on my shoulders,
no one else's.
If I have to carry it another 60 years, I will.
I'll be safe here till the morning.
Then I'm leaving.
What about me?
I'm sorry, Kar,
but this way is better for both of us.
No.
You can't abandon me like this.
Not after everything
you just put me through.
Because now I got nothing.
They're here.
My brothers!
You have to escape.
Escape to where?
Where is he?
Downstairs.
Stop! No!
I'll kill him.
Why?
I don't want to protect the scroll.
I want to read it, take the power.
Even if I have to share it.
Is this your idea of a joke?
Trust me. I'll get us out of the city.
STRUCKER: My brother monks,
when I finally get my hands
on your brother with no name,
he will, of course, resist my efforts
to secure the location of the scroll.
But with this machine,
I'll torture
the information I need out of him.
And now for a little test.
What?
No! Let me go. What are you doing?
We had a deal!
Did you really think I was going to share
ultimate power with you?
(GROANS)
STRUCKER: Engage hydro system.
TECH: Hydro systems engaged.
(RATTLING)
(RUMBLING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
STRUCKER: Too bad you have
no useful information for me.
Now, find me the monk.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(BOAT HORN BLOWS)
Skipper's cool.
He's gonna take us
right where we want to go.
You all right, man?
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
You led me to the path
I should have chosen.
Thank you, Kar.
Isn't it customary to call a girl
before you show up at her house?
Yeah.
I figured it's in the middle of the night.
If I call her up, she might say,
No way in hell.
If I show up in person,
she's not gonna say no
to my charming face.
You know what, man?
I'm not taking advice about women
from a monk.
I wasn't born a monk. Nobody is.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(BOAT HORN BLOWS)
(DOGS BARKING)
Hiding here for the night? Bad idea.
You must trust your instincts.
Where could we be safer
than in a house surrounded by guards?
So how we gonna get in, genius?
Why ask me? You are the thief.
(DOG BARKING)
Okay. The two principles of every rip-off
are misdirection and speed.
Misdirection.
(THUDDING)
And speed.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
The coast is clear. Let's go.
All right.
KAR: How about a boost?
How about you do this one on your own?
Okay.
(EXHALES)
You okay?
Just checking the distance.
I know. Hurry up.
It's good.
Sure you don't want to do it?
No, I'm fine.
(SIGHS) Okay.
(EXHALES)
You're good.
Check this out.
Oh, shit!
Don't say anything.
You feel a little bit dizzy? Do you?
I'm okay.
Good.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Very much. Do it.
Yeah.
(EXHALES)
Okay, forget everything
you've ever learned
about how the universe operates.
I can step on the air like a stone,
swim through it like the sea.
All I gotta do is believe.
(EXHALES)
Not bad.
(GRUNTING)
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
Lover of weird insects and deadly reptiles.
(HISSING)
(EXHALES)
Hey, Bad Girl.
Oh, jeez!
Kar, what the hell are you doing here?
Lose this?
I didn't lose it. You stole it.
That's not true.
You're a liar.
Come on. You're a pickpocket.
You expect me to believe that?
I'm the nice guy. I wouldn't steal from you.
You can't lie for shit.
I'm a terrific liar.
Okay. I did take it.
But I was just I was borrowing it
so I could give it back.
Look, it was a stupid thing to do, okay?
Sometimes I can be kind of
An asshole!
I may have lied to you about the necklace,
but I never lied to you about who I am.
You're saying that I did?
Yeah. Look at this place.
I thought you were
from the streets like me,
but it turns out
you're some spoiled little rich girl.
You don't know a damn thing about it.
I think I do.
You kind of liked that, didn't you?
Is this what you want?
(GROANS)
Why are you really here?
I came here
because I thought I could trust you.
That monk, he's got these mystical words
tattooed on his body
that some psycho from World War II needs
in order to take over
the whole goddamn world.
You're crazy!
Kar? Kar, are you okay?
MONK: He'll be fine.
JADE: What are you doing here?
That is not the question you need to ask.
Instead, you should be asking yourself
why you run away
from this palace every night
then race back to it each morning.
With all due respect,
please don't tell me
how to live my life, okay?
I'm not telling you how to live your life.
I'm only suggesting you would be happier
living one complete life
instead of two lives that are incomplete.
(GROANS)
Kar.
(GROANS)
Hey. You were right.
I think I should have called first.
I'm sorry.
My life's complicated.
My dad's Ivan Kerensky.
What?
Ivan the Terrible?
(SCOFFS)
You're a Russian mafia princess?
That's perfect.
My name is Jade.
And my dad is serving
So maybe now you understand
why I've been keeping
everything about myself secret.
Because the street is the one place
where I can earn my own respect.
He will battle for love
in the Palace of Jade.
Two out of three.
Two out of three what?
Prophecies.
Look out!
Clever.
Careful with that body of his. It's priceless.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
They must have found your address
when they killed Kojima.
We need to get moving.
Where the hell are we supposed to go?
The Human Rights Organization
downtown.
That's crazy.
That bitch who just wrecked my house,
she's the executive director there.
I was there this morning
for an exhibit opening.
My dad always told me
that the best place to hide
is the last place that they would expect.
And the Human Rights Organization
is the last place anyone
would ever expect to find
some of the biggest
human rights abusers in history.
Thanks. I gotta do this on my own.
Monk's the only family I got.
I can help.
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
How do you like my armor-plated car, Kar?
We can use the subway
to reach the old water main,
which will get us into
the Human Rights building from below.
Jeez! That's a nice collection of toys
your father keeps in the garage.
Who said these are my dad's?
NINA: My grandfather used to tell me
stories about you when I was a little girl.
I used to think you were a myth,
something he made up
to lull me to sleep at night.
And then one day,
he showed me these.
Ever wonder how he kept finding you
after all these years?
Oh, my name's Nina, by the way.
You don't have a name, do you?
That's kind of sexy.
How far down do these tattoos go,
I wonder?
(UNZIPS PANTS)
That far.
Well, I guess I'll have to scan it all,
every inch. Oh, well.
Big job. Someone's got to do it.
(BUZZING)
You know, we might not make it
out of this thing alive.
Out of my car?
You got a lot of guts
for coming with me on this insane ride.
Guts and insanity.
Interesting mix.
Not making it out of this thing alive
that would really suck
under the circumstances.
Yeah.
Definitely.
(RATTLING)
Look at me, monk.
For you, the years were nothing,
but I withered and grew old.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
But all that is about to change. Nina.
(BEEPING)
(SPEAKING TIBETAN)
(GUNS FIRING)
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(ALARM SOUNDING)
(STRUCKER READING)
Find out what's going on, Nina.
Now!
(ALARM ECHOING)
(SHOUTING)
(SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
Kaboom.
You two, to the right.
Don't move!
Guys,
it's not about anger. It's about peace.
(GRUNTING)
You do have potential.
(GROANING)
The monk is down here. I can feel it.
And now, the last verse.
(RECITING IN TIBETAN)
Where
Where is the rest of it?
Where is the last verse of the scroll?
Where is it?
I memorized it.
Just in case someone like you
managed to get this far.
Fine.
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(RUMBLING)
Oh, shit. We gotta move!
Get up!
Come on!
Kar!
(GROANS)
Hello, my dear.
Fancy meeting you here.
(GRUNTING)
Now you will tell me what I want to know.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SCREAMS)
You know, this is getting very annoying.
(MOANS)
(RUMBLING)
You okay?
I'm okay.
Let's go back there and finish him off.
I'll fight him myself.
You're not ready.
Oh, really? I rescued you, didn't I?
(GROANS)
Kar, stay back!
No way.
Kar!
Oh, my God.
(GROANING)
The last verse
or I destroy you.
Destroy me,
and the scroll will be gone forever.
(CREAKING)
You may be willing to sacrifice yourself,
but are you willing to watch him die first?
The last verse
or I drop him.
Kar, remember.
You can beat him.
If I can't have it,
I will take you and the scroll with me.
For 60 years,
I have given you the chance to change.
I will never change!
(SCREAMING)
Hey.
Hey.
It's over?
Not yet.
You are the next, Kar.
When you rescued them
you fulfilled the third prophecy.
My time has ended. Yours has come.
(WIND HOWLING)
(WHISPERING)
It is done.
Look out!
(CREAKING)
(GASPS)
Jade?
(SIRENS WAILING)
MASTER MONK: He will defeat
an army of enemies
while a flock of cranes circles above.
JADE: Come on.
I'm bored with beating on this loser.
He will battle for love
in the Palace of Jade.
He will free the brothers he never knew
with the family he never had.
You both fulfilled the prophecies.
Not two lives that are incomplete,
one complete life.
(THE WAY YOU DREAM PLAYING)
I guess you're not the only one
that's bulletproof.
Kar.
Your preparation is complete.
Except for one last thing.
The final verse of the scroll.
And the second part.
Now you are inseparable.
A unity of opposites.
Enjoy your vacation.
What are you doing?
Checking to see nothing is missing.
I remember the first hug you gave me.
(JADE LAUGHING)
KAR: Hey.
So, I figured it out.
Why hot dogs come in packages of ten
and hot dog buns
come in packages of eight.
See, the thing is
that life doesn't always work out
according to plan.
So be happy with what you've got.
Because you can always get a hot dog.
You got it.