Chameleon (2008) Movie Script
"The characters and events of
this story are entirely fictional"
I'm a serious Astrologist.
I don't hold hands to read palms.
I'm not here to be harassed.
Go away.
I have this little problem.
What is it?
Aging.
Aging?
The problem with aging...
What star sign are you?
Oh, I'm hardly a star,
I'm from nowhere...
Get lost.
I'm worried...
about premature aging.
I get wasted on 3 drinks
and buy up lottery tickets...
About your little problem.
Can you still get it up?
You're fine.
I'm the one worried...
...about aging.
I'm starting to sag a little.
Know what I mean?
Getting up in the morning
is a real drag...
Starting to feel my age...
Don't you worry.
You're still really hot.
If you can be such a sweetheart...
...why didn't you just seduce me?
Man, you're moody.
How to deal with my
many moods...
For your pension plan.
Wow, so much?
Hey!
I figured out your sign.
You're a Chameleon.
"CHAMELEON"
The moment we've
all been waiting for.
Here come the bride and the groom.
Please give them a warm welcome!
No way. The guy's super hot.
Unbelievable.
With that old bag?
For her daddy's money.
- A gigolo
- Her whole family's tacky.
Which is what bring us here.
The honorable father of the bride,
Midorikawa Hisanori...
...is the fabled inheritor
from Tokyo...
Investor.
The fabled investor,
and his daughter, Yukie...
...while serving for many years.
...as her father's accomplice...
Accountant.
Accountant...
...drove her beloved Jaguar,
and traveled the world...
I'm Sakai Kenzo...
Marketing Director,
Yamamura Trading.
About the bridegroom,
Harukawa Kosuke.
Although losing his parents
and orphaned in this world...
...he has matured into
a fine citizen...
...distinguishing himself in my...
Now it's time to cut
the wedding cake...
Just a minute.
Come closer, everybody.
You in the back, hurry up!
Still ordering us around...
May the happy couple
launch their love...
Not so fast!
Wedding cake, darn!
Turn on the lights!
Harukawa, if you
can afford all this crap...
...you can sure pay me back, now!
Hey! Lights on, now!
Please, not here.
Just who are you?
I'll tell you.
I have the singular honor of
representing the Kikuei Clan.
Harukawa here, is a moron...
...who borrowed 5 million yen
from our loan shark operation...
...without paying back
a yen of interest!
I'll pay you, I will!
Just go home...
Shut up! Hurry up and pay!
Daddy!
Dear...
Harukawa! How stupid can you be,
borrowing money from a gang!
I have no use for
an employee like you!
Noriko, we're going home.
Sakai, fire Harukawa!
Right! Your judgment is correct.
Sir, are you really going home?
Madam!
Sir!
Kosuke, you can't let this happen!
Dear guests, please remain calm.
As long as their love is strong...
Who asked you!
You can't even keep your
insults consistent!
Darn!
Please, stop!
Darn you!
- Don't touch her!
- Let go, pay up!
Stop!
Stupid!
That's enough!
Get outside!
Don't worry, everyone.
Come out!
Sure, Daddy, I loaned Kosuke money.
But that was because I knew
how much he relied on me.
His love for me was so pure
he barely held my hand...
You're the one that's too pure!
You're not legally married yet.
Who knows how much
they'll blackmail him for.
Take all the cash wedding gifts
as your severance pay!
I'm very sorry.
My apologies.
I detested you from the start!
You're a lowlife that
stinks like rotten fish!
Go away.
Now!
- Nice job
- Nice job.
Here's our "severance pay"
Hey, a real stash of cash!
Idiot.
Act normal.
They're cops.
They knew.
They're not cops.
How can you tell?
Wait!
I was tricked! I was tricked!
That's not true. Please, calm down.
Let's go.
Oh, hello.
Yes, we're on for tomorrow.
Darn you!
What the heck was that about?
They didn't look like yakuza.
You're a yakuza, right?
No, you're just a thug.
Shut up.
From Yamada Miho.
10,000 Yen. Cheap guest.
Matsunaga...
Can't read it.
Nice job.
No wrap party?
My idiot Bro's waiting.
I want to drink.
Sorry, 4 hours left
on the slot machines.
Hey, Blackie!
I miss the good old days.
What?
"Loyal to None Entertainment"
Morning.
Morning.
Good morning, everyone.
Hey, Goro, did I play it
a little over the top yesterday?
Not at all.
You're always very impressive.
Good morning.
Your fee for
yesterday's performance.
Always appreciated.
That's right, we're just happy
to still have roles to play.
Thank you for yesterday, sir.
Nice job. Thanks.
Noriko san, here's yours.
Thanks.
The breakdown on yesterday's take...
...was 4 million yen in cash gifts...
...and 1.5 million for the honeymoon
and apartment rental.
Which means each of us
get 780,000 yen.
Kosuke, you're saving up, right?
Keep more for yourself,
you're the lead.
No, I get my fair share.
Now, about the next job.
Which one?
Today, I'm meeting the mark
for that wedding, next month.
The next troupe performance...
...will be at the Toyu Supermarket...
...starting at 11AM. Sorry it's early.
The Tenku Theater Troupe?
We're still negotiating
a guest appearance for you.
Sorry you have to handle
our performances.
Hey, consider me your manager.
Our manager...
Manager.
Hey, manager.
"Yamamura Theater Troupe"
Grandpa Shu...
Grandma Nori...
Grandpa Ken.
Want to take my meds?
You haven't taken any in a while.
Actually, mine ran out, too.
If you're that worried about
throat cancer...
quit smoking.
Leave me alone.
Goro.
I'm in bad shape.
Go get some medication.
That woman we're meeting
with today.
That woman? You mean, the mark.
I'm in love with her.
Let me be clear.
You mean, personally?
I'm serious, I'm in love with her.
Leave all this behind?
I thought you were saving money
to follow in your dad's footsteps.
Whatever. What about money?
Neither of us can make it
in the real world anymore.
Anymore!
Welcome.
Sorry I'm late.
I couldn't get away.
That's fine... Let me introduce...
Hello, I'm Noda Goro.
I'll be master of ceremonies at
your wedding. Congratulations.
I'm telling you the truth today.
I'm...
Actually, I suffer from depression.
I came here from a small
fishing village and found a job.
But I really struggled.
He and I met, waiting in one of...
...those long lines
at a psychiatric clinic.
You could say we're the
Depressed Dudes.
Just like today,
I always depend on Goro...
...because I can turn into...
...a different person
at a moment's notice.
Um...
No, please hear him out.
Honestly... Honestly...
I want to start over with you.
Take you with me and go back
to the sea.
Listen, I didn't know
how to tell you, either.
I kept trying to tell you
but never could.
I was never serious about us.
You seemed so serious and quiet,
I felt so bad for you.
If we go any farther,
I'll break your heart.
Sorry.
I know you paid for the dates.
Find someone terrific. Bye!
Hey wait! You conned him!
"Kinouchi Psychiatric Clinic"
Thank you.
You should wait 'til after you eat.
What's up, Jun?
Listen to me! I saw it on TV...
Gosh! You couldn't even
collect today.
100,000 yen only? Idiot!
And you want to join us?
I'm sorry!
Yesterday's basement garage!
Who you talking to!
That guy!
That guy!
Kosuke.
Kosuke.
Let's go home.
Tatsuo.
Let's go out.
Tatsuo!
Hey, what?
We're going to go ahead and eat.
Sure, go ahead.
I'm sure hungry.
We start with a report on.
...testimony at
a Parliamentary Hearing.
Witness Atsugi.
I stand here before you today...
...not to respond to any allegations...
...but in order to establish whether
or not these allegations.
...carry any truth at all.
Getting to the point...
I have absolutely
no knowledge of this matter.
Transportation Minister Atsugi was
scheduled to testify in Parliament.
...regarding allegations of bribery.
Due to the
extraordinary disappearance...
...of another key witness...
Ishibashi Tomoyasu,
the Hearing was postponed.
Ishibashi, the planning director
for Japan Real Estate Corp...
...has simply disappeared...
It's him, right!
I couldn't believe it!
The Police have determined that
Ishibashi is in some troubles.
...and have been investigating
his activities from yesterday...
They say the Minister's secretary
killed himself...
...but they killed him.
They killed that guy, too?
We're witnesses, right?
Think there's money in a tip-off?
Money?
Money...
Think we could get
1 million yen for a tip-off?
If we do, they'll wipe us out.
Then it's the cops.
Like we can just go report
to the cops.
Then it's off?
Forget it!
I'll be back, in due course.
What's "in due course" mean?
Hey, watch it.
"If you're going to dance... "
"Dance the tap, tap,
wiretap dance"
"If I don't make it back,
use this"
"Goro"
He knows.
He's no dummy.
Take me to your boss.
I want to talk to him.
Yes, so...
...you'll be in touch with the local
risk assessment section...
...and we'll hire
an anti-terrorism specialist...
So I hear you're vegetarian.
When Noda Goro was 10...
...his parents lost their
interior decorating business.
...and walked out on
50 million yen in debt.
...and killed themselves.
Goro was placed in what they
used to call an orphanage.
When he was 14...
...he slashed a contractor who
owed his parents with a knife...
...landing him in reform school.
That's where he met Ookita Tatsuo
and Yoshida Jun.
After reform school,
he joined martial arts school...
...got kicked out, hired by yakuza...
...got kicked out, wound up
in Chinatown in L.A...
...as a bodyguard for the
Asian mafia, but after a year...
Let's not go that route.
Paper-scissors-rock!
You got back to Japan...
3 years ago?
Yeah, well.
You were 25
Since then?
I'd had a pretty active life,
so I became a regular slacker.
A slacker...
...who's depressed.
...and cons weddings.
Which is why I've got
no credibility whatsoever.
Even if I told them
I saw you there...
...they'd ask me what I was doing.
I'll shut up my 3 guys.
No matter what,
I won't let them talk.
So can't you leave us alone?
What do you mean,
"No matter what?"
You drugged or tortured
that witness, right?
He'll be dumped somewhere
tomorrow. Total amnesia.
He'll never testify in Parliament.
Where did you fight?
What?
Ex-fighters rub
their hands like that.
To keep their heart
and lungs in shape.
So, you were a fighter?
I only trained.
You breathe even a word...
...and you do know what
the punishment will be.
To the marrow of my bones.
There's no way out.
It's not much, but take it.
You've spared us the trouble
of executing you...
Not that we would.
Who do you think I am?
Don't look down on me...
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Could I take 4 or 5 bills
for carfare?
"Who's behind me... "
I'm a serious Astrologist
I don't hold...
You're the chameleon...
How's your aging problem been?
Yourself?
Doesn't matter. You paid me
but I never told your fortune.
Your birth date?
I think it was September 22...
More or less.
More or less?
Won't work?
It's fine, you're a Virgo. Hold on.
Listen, if you have to
look it up in some books...
Look how thick this book is.
If I had the brains to memorize
this, I'd be in another business.
Unbelievable.
Shall I call an ambulance?
I'm fine.
I haven't eaten in a while.
You're my first customer in 5 days.
It's hard to read.
Want to go eat?
Don't order anymore eggs, please.
That's your 7th or 8th egg.
And stop mixing mustard
into your drink.
It's totally addictive.
Can I ask your name?
What? My name?
Goro.
Goro?
Rhymes with Gogo girl.
Mine's Koike Keiko.
My name's all K's.
I don't mean you...
...but I have lousy luck with men.
The guy I considered marrying
was a marriage con man.
My parents said I was the fool
and cut me off.
So now I'm broke.
I decided to join the cons.
That's why I tell fake fortunes.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
Use this to go home.
Hey! Don't insult me.
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Hey!
Don't worry about me.
All of Tokyo's my pad.
I can always crash
a massage parlor.
Are you...
Is there...
...a reason you don't
want to sleep with me?
The man taken into custody
on this bridge early this morning...
...has been identified
as Ishibashi Tomoyasu...
...the missing Japan Real Estate
Corporation executive.
Mr. Ishibashi appears physically
unharmed and healthy...
...but suffers from amnesia...
...and is unresponsive to questions
from the police and his family.
As a result,
the recently postponed...
I'm with the news desk.
Can I help?
Parliamentary Hearings will be
delayed further.
Unbelievable.
It's good. Let's go with it!
Where was this?
The Oriental Plaza Hotel basement.
When?
The afternoon before the Hearing.
You'll pay me right away, right?
I asked you to wait on that.
10 million.
If not, I'll take 1 million.
I'll talk to my boss...
...but you agree to
go on the show, right?
We'll conceal your face
and alter your voice.
We'll shoot him in there.
With the monitors behind him.
The chair goes...
Goro, zip up your fly.
It hurts!
Hang in there, Granny.
No, call the hospital.
Hey, what's up!
This looks bad.
Your son's car hit her at that
crosswalk with no streetlights.
I asked a friend in the...
Department of Transportation...
...who found out it's your son's car.
He could be charged
with hit-and-run.
Shall I call the police?
The timing's all wrong.
What's going on?
According to Kosuke...
...we don't have any marks
lined up for wedding fraud.
Jun had a great idea.
Just the sort of idea from
a yakuza in training.
I'm not really into it.
It's a one-note drama.
I considered the "fake-son" con,
but it's not exactly our style.
We put the mark on
some new millionaire...
...and when his kid drives out
in some fancy car, bingo!
We offer a friendly settlement,
for at least 1 million.
Who's she?
I heard you have a spare room
on the 2nd floor, practically free.
She cons people, too.
That's a little harsh.
But your little scheme won't work.
- Why not?
- Listen, with wedding fraud...
...the marks have no idea
they've been tricked.
With your scheme they'll know...
...they've been tricked
when the son comes.
Oh, guess you're right.
No, please hold on.
This new millionaire with
the kid and the fancy car.
Say, I stuff a pillow up
my dress and...
"It's true!"
"He is your son, right?"
"He's definitely
my baby's father!"
"How can you be so cold?"
That's the pitch.
All of you, Granny, Grandpa, too,
start crying.
All my brothers are furious
and then it's your turn.
You're training to be
a yakuza, right?
Yo, my older sister here...
Younger sister.
Younger...
You think you can
get off knockin' up.
...my younger sister without paying?
This way, even when the son
comes home.
...after the panicked parents
have paid money...
...they won't figure it out because
the son plays with lots of girls.
And they won't go to the cops.
Sounds like a really meaty role.
Sounds like we got ourselves
a new young actress.
A genius!
Being called a genius
is a little...
You had a hard time, didn't you?
Have you prayed for the baby?
I've been praying for mine,
all these 50 years.
Grandma Nori, are you nuts?
It's just a story she made up.
It's all right.
Women use tears
to flush their pain.
Then you'll be ready for new pain.
OK?
What's all this about?
I want to party hard tonight.
It's time we all got
drunk together.
What! For real!
It's true!
For real!
I'll die, I'll die on you!
That's how they crashed
into our car.
That's back when they were
seriously depressed.
Kosuke and Goro were.
And that's how we all
started living together here.
Idiots!
I'm depressed!
Depressed! Depressed!
Enough to shoot you!
So, Kosuke's going back to the sea
to become a fisherman.
It'll fix his depression.
It's fixable!
A man of the sea!
Who? Who goes there?
Shut up.
Who? Who goes there?
"As requested, I presumptuously
announce myself"
"I hail from the village
of Kunisada... "
Boss!
Hey Asa!
Should I die in obscurity here...
Kunisada Chuji's name
would be dishonored.
"If you're going to dance
the dance,"
"dance to the Song of Tokyo"
"In the glorious capital"
"In the middle of
the glorious capital... "
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
Hey, Jun, this way.
Hey, Blackie.
Kosuke.
"Witness Saw Ishibashi Kidnapped"
"Midtown Hotel
Afternoon before Hearing"
Hey, kitty, hey.
"Witness to Kidnapping
in Hotel Basement Lot"
"Mystery Man
Delivers Evidence to TV Station"
"A man delivered
recorded evidence to NMN TV,"
"shortly before Ishibashi... "
It's me. I'm the one that did that.
From that drawer.
I didn't give it to them.
I ran away.
Kosuke...
Money... I needed a lot
of money right away.
What's the rush?
I got a call from Mom yesterday.
Dad can't raise the money
to buy his boat back.
They're both sick and broke.
So you sold us out?
Tried to.
You sold out our lives.
Is it that bad?
We're leaving here. Get ready.
We're being evicted?
That's right.
We didn't pay into
our pension plans.
We need to find ourselves
a cheap nursing home.
Can't rely on the government now.
I'll go see what I can find.
Hold onto this.
If things get really bad,
you take it to the cops.
- Just me?
- Goro!
Jun and Tatsu...
You can't reach them?
Darn.
Did you grab the cash?
You're the only one who saved up.
I can't make it. What did I do!
Take your meds. Let's go.
The cops.
Should we confess?
It's just a cover.
So they can walk right in.
I'm sorry... I got you involved.
Kosuke, look after her.
Anybody home?
You already rub out
Tatsuo and Jun?
Speak proper Japanese.
Say.
Who is Goro, really?
I've never figured him out either.
Run!
Hurry.
Let's go!
Over there.
Goro.
What!
This card...
Look after it.
Let's go.
Kosuke?
No!
Guys...
Kosuke!
Hey!
Kosuke!
Buckle up.
Let's go.
What's an
"ecological" dress code...
You kept us waiting 1 hour.
Bet things are crazy around here.
It's the media that's going crazy.
R.C.A.
What?
We checked the vehicles visible
on that surveillance video.
...and found one vehicle,
registered to R.C.A., so they say.
R.C.A. Risk Coverage Agency.
Covert ops that handle discord
at the center of power.
A shadow military, so they say.
The boss?
Kijima Ko.
What? No "so they say"?
You can have your picture back.
It's blurry.
It's probably a look-alike.
No smoking.
That day, we were at that hotel...
We scoped you out.
You squeak by on some
two-bit scams, right?
I'm the only one left.
Just arrest me.
Use this to indict that Kijima guy.
I want to make sure
nothing happens to her.
I want you both to go home.
There'll be no record of
your visit to this station.
...or what you told me.
Oh, yeah?
Let's go.
The chief only cares
about his career!
If I get us in over our heads,
his future is over!
What an idiot.
Minister, can we have a word?
A word!
Minister Atsugi, please.
Do you really know nothing
about R.C. A?
I know nothing.
But the allegations against you
will remain.
Japanese bureaucrats
may be cowards...
...but when provoked,
turn into monsters. That's all.
So, Vice Minister. That's his move.
So, I'm a monster?
The sly fox himself,
telling it like it is.
If he's backed against the wall...
...his plan is to blame it all on you.
He already has.
I was supposed to get
30% of his take.
And now I'm the cash delivery guy.
Here's your final payment.
As usual, I can't write a receipt.
You won't mess up
this time, right?
What?
You had witnesses to the scene and
your car recorded by surveillance.
Those risk factors
are all covered...
...by the extra fees R.C.A. Charges.
Monster.
Cremate all of them.
Yes, sir.
The young folk all ran off
just when we need them.
Don't break your hip.
I won't.
Next... Hurry up.
Forget the trophy.
Oh, load the trophy up.
"Should auld
acquaintance be forgot"
"And never brought to mind"
"Should auld acquaintance
lose their minds"
"And wind up in a ditch"
Kosuke said, 4, 6, 4, 9
Come on.
Please take your card and receipt.
Thank you.
Go straight and right at the hill.
Thank you.
That way.
"Harukawa Kenichi,
Yoshiko, Kosuke"
A pen.
"From Kosuke"
Kosuke made it back to the sea.
Where's the Chameleon star?
You can't see it
in the bright of the day.
You've got a point.
Actually...
- Not true
- Not true.
It's on the far side of the Earth...
...visible from the
Southern Hemisphere.
For real?
The Chameleon star's always trying
to catch the Fly star.
In the North, the Fly's
catching the Chameleon.
The matches Kosuke gave me
won't light.
- Let's...
- I'm Goro.
I'm Goro...
...and Goro is me.
Living like cinders and ash...
...and imagining you'll die...
But then the weak flame
glows again.
The flame flickers out
and turns to ash again.
Let's split up here.
I want to thank you...
For sticking around.
Oh, yeah?
I get it.
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Keiko.
"Who's behind me... "
Who the heck are you!
What the heck you doin'!
Where the heck
do you think you are!
What the heck are you doin'!
Who are you!
Are you crazy!
Stay back!
Where's your boss?
I was waiting for you.
Time for you and your
darling girlfriend to finally die.
Amazing...
The boss is...
Witness Kijima.
Our firm is no more
than a security company.
We had no involvement.
Chairman.
Abe Teppei.
Kijima...
...do you really have no
involvement with Minister Atsugi?
If you're exposed later,
you'll be up for more than perjury.
Witness Kijima.
No involvement at all.
We're sick of that line!
- You're in on it!
- For how much!
Chairman.
Abe Teppei.
Going back to my earlier question...
...you abducted Ishibashi
at the hotel, right?
Admit it!
Admit it!
Witness Kijima.
Regarding the question
of whether I...
...or someone involved
with my company.
...had contact with or possibly
kidnapped Ishibashi.
...at the Oriental Plaza Hotel,
on the date and time stipulated...
...there is not a shred of evidence.
If anything, M.P. Abe...
I am struggling to comprehend
on what basis you imagined.
...such a wild scenario...
Chairman.
Chairman!
Look at this photo.
Here's your evidence.
He's in the picture!
Kijima's in the picture!
Minister!
You put him up to it!
I've been framed, haven't I?
What the heck would happen
to this country without us.
My right arm and I will be
waiting for you outside.
What'll we do now?
Go back to slacking...
this story are entirely fictional"
I'm a serious Astrologist.
I don't hold hands to read palms.
I'm not here to be harassed.
Go away.
I have this little problem.
What is it?
Aging.
Aging?
The problem with aging...
What star sign are you?
Oh, I'm hardly a star,
I'm from nowhere...
Get lost.
I'm worried...
about premature aging.
I get wasted on 3 drinks
and buy up lottery tickets...
About your little problem.
Can you still get it up?
You're fine.
I'm the one worried...
...about aging.
I'm starting to sag a little.
Know what I mean?
Getting up in the morning
is a real drag...
Starting to feel my age...
Don't you worry.
You're still really hot.
If you can be such a sweetheart...
...why didn't you just seduce me?
Man, you're moody.
How to deal with my
many moods...
For your pension plan.
Wow, so much?
Hey!
I figured out your sign.
You're a Chameleon.
"CHAMELEON"
The moment we've
all been waiting for.
Here come the bride and the groom.
Please give them a warm welcome!
No way. The guy's super hot.
Unbelievable.
With that old bag?
For her daddy's money.
- A gigolo
- Her whole family's tacky.
Which is what bring us here.
The honorable father of the bride,
Midorikawa Hisanori...
...is the fabled inheritor
from Tokyo...
Investor.
The fabled investor,
and his daughter, Yukie...
...while serving for many years.
...as her father's accomplice...
Accountant.
Accountant...
...drove her beloved Jaguar,
and traveled the world...
I'm Sakai Kenzo...
Marketing Director,
Yamamura Trading.
About the bridegroom,
Harukawa Kosuke.
Although losing his parents
and orphaned in this world...
...he has matured into
a fine citizen...
...distinguishing himself in my...
Now it's time to cut
the wedding cake...
Just a minute.
Come closer, everybody.
You in the back, hurry up!
Still ordering us around...
May the happy couple
launch their love...
Not so fast!
Wedding cake, darn!
Turn on the lights!
Harukawa, if you
can afford all this crap...
...you can sure pay me back, now!
Hey! Lights on, now!
Please, not here.
Just who are you?
I'll tell you.
I have the singular honor of
representing the Kikuei Clan.
Harukawa here, is a moron...
...who borrowed 5 million yen
from our loan shark operation...
...without paying back
a yen of interest!
I'll pay you, I will!
Just go home...
Shut up! Hurry up and pay!
Daddy!
Dear...
Harukawa! How stupid can you be,
borrowing money from a gang!
I have no use for
an employee like you!
Noriko, we're going home.
Sakai, fire Harukawa!
Right! Your judgment is correct.
Sir, are you really going home?
Madam!
Sir!
Kosuke, you can't let this happen!
Dear guests, please remain calm.
As long as their love is strong...
Who asked you!
You can't even keep your
insults consistent!
Darn!
Please, stop!
Darn you!
- Don't touch her!
- Let go, pay up!
Stop!
Stupid!
That's enough!
Get outside!
Don't worry, everyone.
Come out!
Sure, Daddy, I loaned Kosuke money.
But that was because I knew
how much he relied on me.
His love for me was so pure
he barely held my hand...
You're the one that's too pure!
You're not legally married yet.
Who knows how much
they'll blackmail him for.
Take all the cash wedding gifts
as your severance pay!
I'm very sorry.
My apologies.
I detested you from the start!
You're a lowlife that
stinks like rotten fish!
Go away.
Now!
- Nice job
- Nice job.
Here's our "severance pay"
Hey, a real stash of cash!
Idiot.
Act normal.
They're cops.
They knew.
They're not cops.
How can you tell?
Wait!
I was tricked! I was tricked!
That's not true. Please, calm down.
Let's go.
Oh, hello.
Yes, we're on for tomorrow.
Darn you!
What the heck was that about?
They didn't look like yakuza.
You're a yakuza, right?
No, you're just a thug.
Shut up.
From Yamada Miho.
10,000 Yen. Cheap guest.
Matsunaga...
Can't read it.
Nice job.
No wrap party?
My idiot Bro's waiting.
I want to drink.
Sorry, 4 hours left
on the slot machines.
Hey, Blackie!
I miss the good old days.
What?
"Loyal to None Entertainment"
Morning.
Morning.
Good morning, everyone.
Hey, Goro, did I play it
a little over the top yesterday?
Not at all.
You're always very impressive.
Good morning.
Your fee for
yesterday's performance.
Always appreciated.
That's right, we're just happy
to still have roles to play.
Thank you for yesterday, sir.
Nice job. Thanks.
Noriko san, here's yours.
Thanks.
The breakdown on yesterday's take...
...was 4 million yen in cash gifts...
...and 1.5 million for the honeymoon
and apartment rental.
Which means each of us
get 780,000 yen.
Kosuke, you're saving up, right?
Keep more for yourself,
you're the lead.
No, I get my fair share.
Now, about the next job.
Which one?
Today, I'm meeting the mark
for that wedding, next month.
The next troupe performance...
...will be at the Toyu Supermarket...
...starting at 11AM. Sorry it's early.
The Tenku Theater Troupe?
We're still negotiating
a guest appearance for you.
Sorry you have to handle
our performances.
Hey, consider me your manager.
Our manager...
Manager.
Hey, manager.
"Yamamura Theater Troupe"
Grandpa Shu...
Grandma Nori...
Grandpa Ken.
Want to take my meds?
You haven't taken any in a while.
Actually, mine ran out, too.
If you're that worried about
throat cancer...
quit smoking.
Leave me alone.
Goro.
I'm in bad shape.
Go get some medication.
That woman we're meeting
with today.
That woman? You mean, the mark.
I'm in love with her.
Let me be clear.
You mean, personally?
I'm serious, I'm in love with her.
Leave all this behind?
I thought you were saving money
to follow in your dad's footsteps.
Whatever. What about money?
Neither of us can make it
in the real world anymore.
Anymore!
Welcome.
Sorry I'm late.
I couldn't get away.
That's fine... Let me introduce...
Hello, I'm Noda Goro.
I'll be master of ceremonies at
your wedding. Congratulations.
I'm telling you the truth today.
I'm...
Actually, I suffer from depression.
I came here from a small
fishing village and found a job.
But I really struggled.
He and I met, waiting in one of...
...those long lines
at a psychiatric clinic.
You could say we're the
Depressed Dudes.
Just like today,
I always depend on Goro...
...because I can turn into...
...a different person
at a moment's notice.
Um...
No, please hear him out.
Honestly... Honestly...
I want to start over with you.
Take you with me and go back
to the sea.
Listen, I didn't know
how to tell you, either.
I kept trying to tell you
but never could.
I was never serious about us.
You seemed so serious and quiet,
I felt so bad for you.
If we go any farther,
I'll break your heart.
Sorry.
I know you paid for the dates.
Find someone terrific. Bye!
Hey wait! You conned him!
"Kinouchi Psychiatric Clinic"
Thank you.
You should wait 'til after you eat.
What's up, Jun?
Listen to me! I saw it on TV...
Gosh! You couldn't even
collect today.
100,000 yen only? Idiot!
And you want to join us?
I'm sorry!
Yesterday's basement garage!
Who you talking to!
That guy!
That guy!
Kosuke.
Kosuke.
Let's go home.
Tatsuo.
Let's go out.
Tatsuo!
Hey, what?
We're going to go ahead and eat.
Sure, go ahead.
I'm sure hungry.
We start with a report on.
...testimony at
a Parliamentary Hearing.
Witness Atsugi.
I stand here before you today...
...not to respond to any allegations...
...but in order to establish whether
or not these allegations.
...carry any truth at all.
Getting to the point...
I have absolutely
no knowledge of this matter.
Transportation Minister Atsugi was
scheduled to testify in Parliament.
...regarding allegations of bribery.
Due to the
extraordinary disappearance...
...of another key witness...
Ishibashi Tomoyasu,
the Hearing was postponed.
Ishibashi, the planning director
for Japan Real Estate Corp...
...has simply disappeared...
It's him, right!
I couldn't believe it!
The Police have determined that
Ishibashi is in some troubles.
...and have been investigating
his activities from yesterday...
They say the Minister's secretary
killed himself...
...but they killed him.
They killed that guy, too?
We're witnesses, right?
Think there's money in a tip-off?
Money?
Money...
Think we could get
1 million yen for a tip-off?
If we do, they'll wipe us out.
Then it's the cops.
Like we can just go report
to the cops.
Then it's off?
Forget it!
I'll be back, in due course.
What's "in due course" mean?
Hey, watch it.
"If you're going to dance... "
"Dance the tap, tap,
wiretap dance"
"If I don't make it back,
use this"
"Goro"
He knows.
He's no dummy.
Take me to your boss.
I want to talk to him.
Yes, so...
...you'll be in touch with the local
risk assessment section...
...and we'll hire
an anti-terrorism specialist...
So I hear you're vegetarian.
When Noda Goro was 10...
...his parents lost their
interior decorating business.
...and walked out on
50 million yen in debt.
...and killed themselves.
Goro was placed in what they
used to call an orphanage.
When he was 14...
...he slashed a contractor who
owed his parents with a knife...
...landing him in reform school.
That's where he met Ookita Tatsuo
and Yoshida Jun.
After reform school,
he joined martial arts school...
...got kicked out, hired by yakuza...
...got kicked out, wound up
in Chinatown in L.A...
...as a bodyguard for the
Asian mafia, but after a year...
Let's not go that route.
Paper-scissors-rock!
You got back to Japan...
3 years ago?
Yeah, well.
You were 25
Since then?
I'd had a pretty active life,
so I became a regular slacker.
A slacker...
...who's depressed.
...and cons weddings.
Which is why I've got
no credibility whatsoever.
Even if I told them
I saw you there...
...they'd ask me what I was doing.
I'll shut up my 3 guys.
No matter what,
I won't let them talk.
So can't you leave us alone?
What do you mean,
"No matter what?"
You drugged or tortured
that witness, right?
He'll be dumped somewhere
tomorrow. Total amnesia.
He'll never testify in Parliament.
Where did you fight?
What?
Ex-fighters rub
their hands like that.
To keep their heart
and lungs in shape.
So, you were a fighter?
I only trained.
You breathe even a word...
...and you do know what
the punishment will be.
To the marrow of my bones.
There's no way out.
It's not much, but take it.
You've spared us the trouble
of executing you...
Not that we would.
Who do you think I am?
Don't look down on me...
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Could I take 4 or 5 bills
for carfare?
"Who's behind me... "
I'm a serious Astrologist
I don't hold...
You're the chameleon...
How's your aging problem been?
Yourself?
Doesn't matter. You paid me
but I never told your fortune.
Your birth date?
I think it was September 22...
More or less.
More or less?
Won't work?
It's fine, you're a Virgo. Hold on.
Listen, if you have to
look it up in some books...
Look how thick this book is.
If I had the brains to memorize
this, I'd be in another business.
Unbelievable.
Shall I call an ambulance?
I'm fine.
I haven't eaten in a while.
You're my first customer in 5 days.
It's hard to read.
Want to go eat?
Don't order anymore eggs, please.
That's your 7th or 8th egg.
And stop mixing mustard
into your drink.
It's totally addictive.
Can I ask your name?
What? My name?
Goro.
Goro?
Rhymes with Gogo girl.
Mine's Koike Keiko.
My name's all K's.
I don't mean you...
...but I have lousy luck with men.
The guy I considered marrying
was a marriage con man.
My parents said I was the fool
and cut me off.
So now I'm broke.
I decided to join the cons.
That's why I tell fake fortunes.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
Use this to go home.
Hey! Don't insult me.
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Hey!
Don't worry about me.
All of Tokyo's my pad.
I can always crash
a massage parlor.
Are you...
Is there...
...a reason you don't
want to sleep with me?
The man taken into custody
on this bridge early this morning...
...has been identified
as Ishibashi Tomoyasu...
...the missing Japan Real Estate
Corporation executive.
Mr. Ishibashi appears physically
unharmed and healthy...
...but suffers from amnesia...
...and is unresponsive to questions
from the police and his family.
As a result,
the recently postponed...
I'm with the news desk.
Can I help?
Parliamentary Hearings will be
delayed further.
Unbelievable.
It's good. Let's go with it!
Where was this?
The Oriental Plaza Hotel basement.
When?
The afternoon before the Hearing.
You'll pay me right away, right?
I asked you to wait on that.
10 million.
If not, I'll take 1 million.
I'll talk to my boss...
...but you agree to
go on the show, right?
We'll conceal your face
and alter your voice.
We'll shoot him in there.
With the monitors behind him.
The chair goes...
Goro, zip up your fly.
It hurts!
Hang in there, Granny.
No, call the hospital.
Hey, what's up!
This looks bad.
Your son's car hit her at that
crosswalk with no streetlights.
I asked a friend in the...
Department of Transportation...
...who found out it's your son's car.
He could be charged
with hit-and-run.
Shall I call the police?
The timing's all wrong.
What's going on?
According to Kosuke...
...we don't have any marks
lined up for wedding fraud.
Jun had a great idea.
Just the sort of idea from
a yakuza in training.
I'm not really into it.
It's a one-note drama.
I considered the "fake-son" con,
but it's not exactly our style.
We put the mark on
some new millionaire...
...and when his kid drives out
in some fancy car, bingo!
We offer a friendly settlement,
for at least 1 million.
Who's she?
I heard you have a spare room
on the 2nd floor, practically free.
She cons people, too.
That's a little harsh.
But your little scheme won't work.
- Why not?
- Listen, with wedding fraud...
...the marks have no idea
they've been tricked.
With your scheme they'll know...
...they've been tricked
when the son comes.
Oh, guess you're right.
No, please hold on.
This new millionaire with
the kid and the fancy car.
Say, I stuff a pillow up
my dress and...
"It's true!"
"He is your son, right?"
"He's definitely
my baby's father!"
"How can you be so cold?"
That's the pitch.
All of you, Granny, Grandpa, too,
start crying.
All my brothers are furious
and then it's your turn.
You're training to be
a yakuza, right?
Yo, my older sister here...
Younger sister.
Younger...
You think you can
get off knockin' up.
...my younger sister without paying?
This way, even when the son
comes home.
...after the panicked parents
have paid money...
...they won't figure it out because
the son plays with lots of girls.
And they won't go to the cops.
Sounds like a really meaty role.
Sounds like we got ourselves
a new young actress.
A genius!
Being called a genius
is a little...
You had a hard time, didn't you?
Have you prayed for the baby?
I've been praying for mine,
all these 50 years.
Grandma Nori, are you nuts?
It's just a story she made up.
It's all right.
Women use tears
to flush their pain.
Then you'll be ready for new pain.
OK?
What's all this about?
I want to party hard tonight.
It's time we all got
drunk together.
What! For real!
It's true!
For real!
I'll die, I'll die on you!
That's how they crashed
into our car.
That's back when they were
seriously depressed.
Kosuke and Goro were.
And that's how we all
started living together here.
Idiots!
I'm depressed!
Depressed! Depressed!
Enough to shoot you!
So, Kosuke's going back to the sea
to become a fisherman.
It'll fix his depression.
It's fixable!
A man of the sea!
Who? Who goes there?
Shut up.
Who? Who goes there?
"As requested, I presumptuously
announce myself"
"I hail from the village
of Kunisada... "
Boss!
Hey Asa!
Should I die in obscurity here...
Kunisada Chuji's name
would be dishonored.
"If you're going to dance
the dance,"
"dance to the Song of Tokyo"
"In the glorious capital"
"In the middle of
the glorious capital... "
See ya.
See ya.
See ya.
Hey, Jun, this way.
Hey, Blackie.
Kosuke.
"Witness Saw Ishibashi Kidnapped"
"Midtown Hotel
Afternoon before Hearing"
Hey, kitty, hey.
"Witness to Kidnapping
in Hotel Basement Lot"
"Mystery Man
Delivers Evidence to TV Station"
"A man delivered
recorded evidence to NMN TV,"
"shortly before Ishibashi... "
It's me. I'm the one that did that.
From that drawer.
I didn't give it to them.
I ran away.
Kosuke...
Money... I needed a lot
of money right away.
What's the rush?
I got a call from Mom yesterday.
Dad can't raise the money
to buy his boat back.
They're both sick and broke.
So you sold us out?
Tried to.
You sold out our lives.
Is it that bad?
We're leaving here. Get ready.
We're being evicted?
That's right.
We didn't pay into
our pension plans.
We need to find ourselves
a cheap nursing home.
Can't rely on the government now.
I'll go see what I can find.
Hold onto this.
If things get really bad,
you take it to the cops.
- Just me?
- Goro!
Jun and Tatsu...
You can't reach them?
Darn.
Did you grab the cash?
You're the only one who saved up.
I can't make it. What did I do!
Take your meds. Let's go.
The cops.
Should we confess?
It's just a cover.
So they can walk right in.
I'm sorry... I got you involved.
Kosuke, look after her.
Anybody home?
You already rub out
Tatsuo and Jun?
Speak proper Japanese.
Say.
Who is Goro, really?
I've never figured him out either.
Run!
Hurry.
Let's go!
Over there.
Goro.
What!
This card...
Look after it.
Let's go.
Kosuke?
No!
Guys...
Kosuke!
Hey!
Kosuke!
Buckle up.
Let's go.
What's an
"ecological" dress code...
You kept us waiting 1 hour.
Bet things are crazy around here.
It's the media that's going crazy.
R.C.A.
What?
We checked the vehicles visible
on that surveillance video.
...and found one vehicle,
registered to R.C.A., so they say.
R.C.A. Risk Coverage Agency.
Covert ops that handle discord
at the center of power.
A shadow military, so they say.
The boss?
Kijima Ko.
What? No "so they say"?
You can have your picture back.
It's blurry.
It's probably a look-alike.
No smoking.
That day, we were at that hotel...
We scoped you out.
You squeak by on some
two-bit scams, right?
I'm the only one left.
Just arrest me.
Use this to indict that Kijima guy.
I want to make sure
nothing happens to her.
I want you both to go home.
There'll be no record of
your visit to this station.
...or what you told me.
Oh, yeah?
Let's go.
The chief only cares
about his career!
If I get us in over our heads,
his future is over!
What an idiot.
Minister, can we have a word?
A word!
Minister Atsugi, please.
Do you really know nothing
about R.C. A?
I know nothing.
But the allegations against you
will remain.
Japanese bureaucrats
may be cowards...
...but when provoked,
turn into monsters. That's all.
So, Vice Minister. That's his move.
So, I'm a monster?
The sly fox himself,
telling it like it is.
If he's backed against the wall...
...his plan is to blame it all on you.
He already has.
I was supposed to get
30% of his take.
And now I'm the cash delivery guy.
Here's your final payment.
As usual, I can't write a receipt.
You won't mess up
this time, right?
What?
You had witnesses to the scene and
your car recorded by surveillance.
Those risk factors
are all covered...
...by the extra fees R.C.A. Charges.
Monster.
Cremate all of them.
Yes, sir.
The young folk all ran off
just when we need them.
Don't break your hip.
I won't.
Next... Hurry up.
Forget the trophy.
Oh, load the trophy up.
"Should auld
acquaintance be forgot"
"And never brought to mind"
"Should auld acquaintance
lose their minds"
"And wind up in a ditch"
Kosuke said, 4, 6, 4, 9
Come on.
Please take your card and receipt.
Thank you.
Go straight and right at the hill.
Thank you.
That way.
"Harukawa Kenichi,
Yoshiko, Kosuke"
A pen.
"From Kosuke"
Kosuke made it back to the sea.
Where's the Chameleon star?
You can't see it
in the bright of the day.
You've got a point.
Actually...
- Not true
- Not true.
It's on the far side of the Earth...
...visible from the
Southern Hemisphere.
For real?
The Chameleon star's always trying
to catch the Fly star.
In the North, the Fly's
catching the Chameleon.
The matches Kosuke gave me
won't light.
- Let's...
- I'm Goro.
I'm Goro...
...and Goro is me.
Living like cinders and ash...
...and imagining you'll die...
But then the weak flame
glows again.
The flame flickers out
and turns to ash again.
Let's split up here.
I want to thank you...
For sticking around.
Oh, yeah?
I get it.
Is what I'd like to say,
but can't. How pathetic.
Keiko.
"Who's behind me... "
Who the heck are you!
What the heck you doin'!
Where the heck
do you think you are!
What the heck are you doin'!
Who are you!
Are you crazy!
Stay back!
Where's your boss?
I was waiting for you.
Time for you and your
darling girlfriend to finally die.
Amazing...
The boss is...
Witness Kijima.
Our firm is no more
than a security company.
We had no involvement.
Chairman.
Abe Teppei.
Kijima...
...do you really have no
involvement with Minister Atsugi?
If you're exposed later,
you'll be up for more than perjury.
Witness Kijima.
No involvement at all.
We're sick of that line!
- You're in on it!
- For how much!
Chairman.
Abe Teppei.
Going back to my earlier question...
...you abducted Ishibashi
at the hotel, right?
Admit it!
Admit it!
Witness Kijima.
Regarding the question
of whether I...
...or someone involved
with my company.
...had contact with or possibly
kidnapped Ishibashi.
...at the Oriental Plaza Hotel,
on the date and time stipulated...
...there is not a shred of evidence.
If anything, M.P. Abe...
I am struggling to comprehend
on what basis you imagined.
...such a wild scenario...
Chairman.
Chairman!
Look at this photo.
Here's your evidence.
He's in the picture!
Kijima's in the picture!
Minister!
You put him up to it!
I've been framed, haven't I?
What the heck would happen
to this country without us.
My right arm and I will be
waiting for you outside.
What'll we do now?
Go back to slacking...