Chicken House (2022) Movie Script
1
- [Narrator] The first person I met
on a film set was a pedophile.
He was a rich local wanting
to get into the business
and said he wanted to cast
me in his next torture porn.
He took videos through
his living room window
of him taking his little dog outside
to run into neighborhood children.
He cataloged his interactions with them
and where they lived.
I told the police and he smiled
and said I was a great investigator.
I could probably solve the case on my own.
Now I have nightmares
that I'm pulling children
out from underneath his floor boards
to help them escape before he comes home.
(tense unsettling music)
I always wanted to be an actor.
- [Sonya] It's fine. You look great.
- [Charlie] Well, you
know how sometimes black
can look weird on a black background.
- [Sonya] Yes. I know.
Before we get started,
uh, I just wanna stress
that we're looking for the truth here.
To paint a portrait of a
woman you claim you once knew
and the kind of person she was
before she became, you know.
- Yeah, okay.
- [Sonya] So there's no
need to embellish anything
or make it more dazzling.
It'll already be hard enough
for the audience to swallow as is.
- No, I'm not worried about them.
Everything's subjective anyway, right?
- [Sonya] So you lived in
a house full of actors.
- Yeah, it was sort of like a brothel.
- [Sonya] And, uh, how did the four of you
come to live together?
- Well, I mean, we just kind of met
through the local acting community and-
- [Narrator] Mommy and
daddy's little girl.
Charlie realized they
were gay in high school,
eventually coming out to a best friend
who pretended to be supportive,
but quickly stopped
responding and told everyone
in school Charlie was in love with her.
To make matters worse,
their parents identified as Christians,
although they didn't
know much about the Bible
except what they'd
heard the preachers say,
which was that homosexuals
are going to hell.
When they came out,
their parents responded
with a resounding, "You are not gay."
And the topic was swiftly shelved.
Invalidated and traumatized,
Charlie caved in on themself,
lost their confidence and
developed severe anxiety.
They became a hermit and
channeled their identity
into living vicariously through
LGBTQ Instagram profiles
and hashtags until segueing
into fictional characters via acting.
Although Charlie had great
instincts as a performer,
they stuffed them down,
leaving their auditions drab,
a pale comparison to what
they were capable of.
Much like every other
aspect of their life.
- Yeah, so Beth found this
big house for cheap rent
and we all just four split
it and it was a steal.
- [Sonya] It's nice that you didn't feel
any sort of competition
amongst each other, you know,
going out for the same roles and whatnot.
Now can you tell me a little
bit about what it was like
between you all
before this event happened?
- Mm. Before, before, before.
Well, I mean, it was just sort of, like,
four roommates living together.
Not really much else to say about it.
- [Sonya] Would you say
you were all friends?
(Charlie sighs)
- Hello?
Somebody.
I know you're all home. I can hear you.
Who are you? You people.
It's tornado season anyway.
Oh, wouldn't necessarily say
we were all friends, you know.
- I actually don't remember
any of their names.
- Friends?
The best of friends.
- Yes. We were truly blessed.
(door creaks)
(door slams)
(keys rattling)
- Oh, did you park behind me?
- Uh, yeah.
- Uh, I need you to move because I'm going
to my Wednesday night church group.
- Didn't you just get home?
- [Beth] Yeah.
- Okay, so why'd you park in the driveway
if you're just gonna leave?
- Oh, because there were two empty spaces.
- Right.
But I parked in the driveway
'cause there was one empty space.
- Uh, but I'm leaving.
(keys rattling)
- Oh, Willa, can I use some of your milk?
- I mean, I'd rather you not.
I just, I have it
pre-portioned to last the week.
- Oh, no, I'd just like a splash.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- Hey, do you mind
keeping it down for a few?
I'm gonna be recording a voiceover.
- [Charlie] Yeah, sure. Of course.
(package rustling)
- Charlie, I can still hear you.
It sounds like you're
crumbling 50 newspapers
with a pair of snow boots.
- Oh yeah, sorry. I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
(package rustling)
How about you go to your
room for, like, 20 minutes
and then I'll text you when I'm done.
- Okay, sure.
- Thank you.
- [Narrator] Basically the roommates
never tried getting to know each other,
each wrapped up in their own careers.
So their communications consisted
of passive aggressive texts, door slams
and tiptoeing on eggshells.
- Hags.
(door slams)
- Cunts.
(door slams)
- Sinners.
(door slams)
- You all know I'm allergic to nuts.
(door slams)
- So would you say you were all happy?
Yeah, I wouldn't say we were happy.
I wouldn't say we were unhappy.
I mean, we were just moving together
through space and time in the same place.
- Fair enough.
So when did all the trouble start?
- Well, I guess you
could say it all started
when Willa decided to move to LA.
(whimsical music)
(upbeat synth music)
On a highway
Oh yeah
On a highway
Oh yeah
Ooh yeah
Now take this one
And one for the races
Ooh yeah
Nobody nobody move from their places
Ooh yeah
Now take this one
And one for the races
Ooh yeah
Is it just for the girls and the boys
In the band
Tonight yeah
Talk talk to me oh yeah
Talk to me man
Is it just for the boys in the band
Talk talk to me man
Yeah talk talk to me oh man yeah
Talk to me man
Is it just for the boys
And the girls in the band
All the stars in the sky
See the emerald in your eyes
Oh she gives me butterflies
When she look at me with those eyes
Hey hey hey
Hey
(upbeat synth music continues)
Hey fire eyes my friend
Hey hey hey hey
(door knocks)
You got the room, didn't you?
(Willa laughs)
- I've gotta go, dude.
(Charlie groans)
- Why?
- I just feel like I'm ready,
you know? Like, it's my time.
Like, if a real LA casting
director got to see me
and, and meet me and watch me do my thing,
they would champion me.
I just have to get in
front of the right people.
- But you could do that here.
You could do that here.
There's the incentive.
Things are coming here with projects.
- Really? This is Oklahoma.
I'm not gonna book the barista
or the grocery store clerk
or any of those other
character actor roles
in the movies that come through here.
I'm a leading lady.
- Yeah, but you did book
those two Lifetime movies.
- Exactly. My resume is so legit now.
It's too legit to stay here.
Yours is too.
You just don't have the confidence yet.
If you go to LA you have
to be ready to own it.
And your tapes are just,
like, a little too hesitant.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You're right.
I, um...
I'm just...
Gonna miss you is all.
I don't really have any
other friends in the house
and everyone else kind of just sucks.
- The sublet girl from Facebook
seems really interesting.
Maybe you two can become best friends
and you can come live with me in WeHo.
- Yeah.
Yeah, totally. Totally.
- Everything is gonna
change when I'm gone.
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
- I'm gonna miss you too.
(Charlie sighs)
- [Willa] I'm gonna go pack.
- Okay. Okay.
(gentle pensive music)
- [Narrator] Willa is the type
of narcissist who would stage
her own attack for public sympathy.
She has a blind confidence
perfect for Los Angeles,
in that she'll do
whatever, whomever it takes
to become famous.
She tries to overcompensate,
showing support for
others in order to seem
like the good guy she
believes will prosper
as she has seen before on television.
She'll eventually push away
everyone who can detect
her insincerity and become a producer
of film starring herself,
funded by a rich husband
whom she cares nothing for.
She will subsequently
cheat on and leave him
for an equally narcissistic
female yoga studio owner.
Together, they will produce a stream
of mildly successful yoga
content, create a wellness brand,
and live together with
their pampered dogs.
Both will become cocktail alcoholics
and die of liver related issues.
- I can't believe she's
casting for the role.
(Willa muttering)
Okay, I can take it from here.
- Willa.
You're not gonna hug me goodbye?
- Oh. (laughs)
I'm sorry.
- Hey, you remember
those Hello Fresh dinners
we made together with the little burgers
and, like, the ketchup sauce?
- Yeah.
- I, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's stupid.
Just, um, don't miss your flight.
- Okay. Love you.
(gentle pensive music)
- [Actor] Look, we gotta get
rid of these fucking rocks.
- What? Why?
- First off, today at work, I mean,
here I am trying to get
my, my numbers dialed up
and get the files sent
over correctly to Mark.
And, and then I'm just
thinking about these rocks
and all the clutter they're causing
and the room they're
taking up in the house.
And, and Mark notices, of
course, and he comes over
and he's like, "Hey, man.
Why, why aren't the numbers adding up?"
And, you know, "Is
something wrong at home?"
(Charlie sobbing)
And I have to lie and
say everything's fine.
And so if we can just get
rid of these fucking rocks.
I mean, things will be
better for me at work.
- You're asking me to get rid of a box
of memories of my father.
- Okay, here, here's another reason.
You know, my parents are
coming over to visit soon,
and, and they're getting up in age
and mom had a heart attack recently.
If they find the rocks,
I'm gonna have to explain
to them, you know,
what they're doing here.
Why they're cluttering up the place,
why they're taking up
so much freaking room.
And what happens if, you know,
she has another heart attack
and, and, and she dies.
And then we have to pay for the funeral.
We have all the family over.
Dad's gonna be hanging around
and he's gonna be bitching
about the lack of football.
So if we can just get rid of the rocks,
we can avoid all of that.
- I think if we explained the
sentimentality behind them,
they would understand.
- Okay, let me try this another way.
We're, we're in a relationship, right?
And so we want this relationship to grow.
(Charlie sobs)
We want us to grow.
We want us to become more happy.
And if, if one of us is, is,
like attached to something
in the past that's holding us
back, we have to give that up.
And so if we can just get
rid of these fucking rocks,
we, we would both become more happy.
I mean, I would become more happy.
So just get rid of these fucking rocks.
(vibrator buzzing)
(Charlie moans)
- [Charlie] Yeah. Yeah.
(Charlie moans)
- Don't live your life
with an itchy vagina.
Choose Option V.
Clinically proven to
alleviate the most sweaty
of gym rashes.
Option V available in
any foot cream aisle.
Not proven to reduce
the symptoms of crabs.
If you think you may be
suffering from crabs,
please contact your
primary care physician.
Don't live your life with an itchy vagina.
Choose Option V.
Clinically proven to alleviate
the most sweaty of gym rashes.
Option V available in
any foot cream aisle.
Not proven to reduce
the symptoms of crabs.
If you think you may be
suffering from crabs,
please contact your
primary care physician.
(vibrator buzzing)
(phone dings)
- Oh, shit.
(buzzing stops)
(Charlie sighs)
(melancholic string music)
- [Narrator] Beth grew up in a
large ultra religious family,
typical for the poor
and otherwise hopeless
in the Midwestern Bible Belt.
While a teenager, Beth
developed her own personal brand
of devotion to God and hatred of the devil
after what she describes
as a profound sermon
she heard but cannot
recall the specifics of.
This personal version of Satanic panic
actually coincided with
an absent-minded viewing
of "The Exorcist" at a babysitting job.
But Beth would never
put two and two together
in her own mind.
She considered joining a
convent until stumbling
upon a TBN special of Kirk Cameron
talking about being an actor for Jesus
and realized she might
have a much broader reach
witnessing through the
entertainment industry.
- Holy father, son of God,
please help me be the best person I can
in order to please you.
Please help me to resist
all sins of the flesh.
(page tears)
Please help me live a life
that's pleasing to you.
Help me turn my sinful
roommates to your light.
Please help me book a life-changing role
that will help me have
more of an influence
in order to do your will.
Please help Willa to have a safe trip.
And let the new girl Cat...
Please, Jesus. Let her be my friend.
- Don't live your life
with an itchy vagina.
(doorbell rings)
God, what the fuck?
(gentle bright music)
- Hi, uh, you must be
Cat, the new roommate.
- [Cat] Uh-huh.
- I'm Beth.
Um, hi.
- Hi.
- Shit.
- Oh.
Ah, oh.
- [Cat] Sorry, these
books are kind of heavy.
- No sweat.
Uh, "Kama Sutra." Is that Middle Eastern?
- It just depends on the
position. You interested?
It's a $10 book.
Since we're roomies now,
I'll give it to you for eight bucks.
- Um, maybe later.
- Well, this must be what
a vampire feels like.
- [Beth] Oh, what's that?
- Are you gonna invite me in?
- Oh, duh, sorry. Yeah, come on in.
Oh, no smoking in here actually.
- Duh.
Okay, okay.
- [Beth] Oh, that's the filming-
- [Cat] Jesus Christ.
- Goddamn it.
Hi.
April. You must be Cat.
- Yeah, that's me.
Uh, what you doing in the closet here?
Is this, like, your cam girl spot?
Or do you need me to
call somebody for you?
- I'm just recording a voiceover audition.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Audition. Of course.
Well, that's a nice setup.
Well, uh, I'll let you get back to it.
Break legs and all that.
- Uh, this is the living room area here.
- Nice, it's uh...
Pretty bare.
- Yeah, I hung a picture up in here once,
but I'm not sure what happened to it.
(Charlie breathing heavily)
(Charlie moans)
This is our self tape area.
- Wow. You guys are really
fucking professional.
- Hm.
I'd like to think so.
Oh, this is, uh, my room.
- Badass.
Jesus was pretty cool.
Oh, a prophet's manual.
I got one too.
- And, uh, this is April's room.
(Cat gasping)
- [Cat] Oh, fuck no.
- What? What's wrong?
- What, you don't feel that?
Ah, there's a malicious
presence in this room.
- What do you mean?
- It's a dark energy.
I'm really sensitive
to the spiritual realm,
especially when the veil is
so thin and they know it.
I gotta get the fuck out of here.
(tense unsettling music)
- I realize now that it
should have seemed suspicious,
but the property management seemed legit.
And there was obviously
nothing wrong about the house.
- There were drafts and
strange electrical issues,
but I just didn't believe
in ghosts or any of that.
- (exhales sharply) Oh,
yeah, that bitch was haunted.
It was in April's room, so.
(door knocks)
Oh, hey. (laughs)
I didn't know anyone was here.
- Yeah, Charlie, this is Cat,
the girl taking over Willa's room.
- I live here too.
- Better than Skid Row, right?
- (stammering) Totally, mm-hm.
- Uh, let's continue the tour.
- It was nice to meet you.
- And this is Willa's
room or was Willa's room.
It's yours now.
- Wow, she's basic as fuck, huh?
- Yeah, it's just your
typical Oklahoma girl.
She moved to LA to make it big.
She's so brave.
I hope God gives me the courage
to go out there someday.
- Fuck that shit, man.
LA's fucking whack and full of swine flu.
- It is?
- Yeah, one day you're
pounding the pavement
with your fucking pitiful
little ass resume,
and the next you move into a crack house
with a ton of homeless teens.
And you accidentally sit
on a used heroin needle,
but there's still some in
there and it fucks you up.
Then you can't shit for a long time.
Someone steals your vibrator.
So you can't shit, you can't
nut, can't land a day job.
Finally, you broke a role as a junkie,
but the day of,
you can't remember how you
played it in the audition
because the junk has worn off.
So you make a fucking fool outta yourself.
I'm just playing.
LA's the tits as long as
you stay outta trouble
and keep the dicks outta your mouth.
- Oh. (laughs weakly)
I would, uh, definitely.
Why did you come to Oklahoma?
- 'Cause LA's fucking rough, man.
Nobody wants to pop your cherry there.
They never want to be the
first person to cast you
even if you've done a million classes
and joined the acting cult for a year.
I just figured I'd get some
co-stars in a smaller market.
Plus it's fucking cheap.
- Yes, well, um, I will let you
get unpacked and settled in.
Um, we'll have a meeting later
just to go over house rules.
Set some boundaries.
- Boundaries? What, like, a fucking wall?
- No. (laughs)
Just, like, personal space
things, chores, whatnot.
You know.
- Copy that, sister.
(April voice recording in distance)
(bag slams)
- Jesus.
- Uh, should someone go get Cat?
- I'll get her.
(door knocks)
- Can I help you?
(industrial music)
- Uh, hey, Cat.
Um, we're about to have the
house meeting in the living room
if you care to join us or, I mean,
you don't have to if you don't want to.
- No sweat. I'll be there.
- All right, I'm gonna
read off the house rules
that we all came up with when we moved in,
and if you have anything
to add or any questions,
just let us know.
Rule number one, pay your rent on time.
- Non-issue. Next?
- Rule number two, no hard drugs.
Rule number three.
- Oh, maybe we should probably, um,
classify what's considered hard drugs
before we move on any further, right?
- Oh, okay.
Um, well-
- No hard drugs.
- Oh, you know,
sometimes I smoke a little
weed every now and again.
You know what I'm saying? (laughs)
- What's a little weed
there, Charlie Horse?
- You know, I just, like,
hit my pipe a couple times
and then go in my room and watch Netflix.
- That's what's up.
- Yeah.
- But yeah, no hard drugs.
So obviously we're probably
talking about heroin,
crack, meth, sure.
Are we also talking
about herbal mushrooms?
A little psilocybin, a
little acid here and there?
- Well, if you had to keep one
of those, what would it be?
- Acid.
No doubt.
I don't think we should limit anything
that widens our perspectives
to new worldviews,
philosophies and spiritual revelations.
- Spiritual revelations.
Yes, I agree. Those are important.
Rule number three, knock first.
And don't go into anyone's
room without permission.
(tense unsettling music)
- Charlie, you're not gonna believe this-
- Oh my gosh.
- Whoa, sorry.
(vibrator buzzing)
You're, you're not-
- No, no, no, no.
- To my...?
- No, I wasn't watching it.
- What the fuck?
- That came on right after.
- Four, shoes off in the house.
Rule number five, no
significant others moving in.
- Okay. Okay.
- Well, my boyfriend Doug came to visit
for, like, a week and that was fine.
Right, guys?
(Charlie sighs)
(April moaning)
(celestial music)
- Rule number six, wash dishes as you go.
- Oh, it's fine. I don't use dishes.
- What do you mean you don't use dishes?
- Well, I just reuse the same cup and fork
and then rinse 'em off when I'm done
and put 'em in a safe place.
Or I just eat with my hands, you know.
I don't follow along with
that societal norm bullshit.
There was a time before
somebody invented silverware,
you know, and people have just been
complicating shit ever fucking since.
- Uh, rule number seven,
respect silence when people
are taping auditions.
- Yes, that rule. Can't forget that rule.
It includes voiceovers.
- And finally, no parties
without explicit permission
via group text message.
- Well, I think this is gonna be great.
- I'm so excited.
- Me too.
- I really feel like
this is gonna be perfect,
and I, I really believe
in you guys, you know?
Not just as roommates, but also as actors.
I really feel a successful aura
just all over this fucking house.
It's like I'm peeking
into the Akashic Records
and I can't tell if it's
someone's huge success,
like, you or you or you,
or if it's all of you
kind of having just, like,
sea level success.
I can't really tell yet. The
reading isn't quite clear.
I'm still working out the kinks.
- Really?
- Yeah, what? You guys don't feel that?
It's, it's everywhere.
Well, except for one place.
(tense ominous music)
- What do you mean?
- You've got a poltergeist in your room.
- No, I don't.
- You're trying to tell me
you don't feel anything hinky in there?
- I don't believe in hinky.
- She doesn't believe in hinky.
(Charlie laughs)
- [Cat] Jesus.
(Cat laughs)
- Once in a moment of
hope for, I don't know,
some cosmic divinity,
I prayed that Andy Kaufman
would take over my body,
but he never showed.
And that's why hinky isn't real.
- Well, ghosts aren't real
except for the Holy Ghost.
Your spirit either goes to heaven or hell.
- I wouldn't say that either.
It's just an old house.
- No, no, no, no.
There's definitely some mean
old son of a bitch in there
and it definitely ain't no Kaufman.
You guys might wanna fork over the dough
to have some mystic come
cleanse that shit out, you know?
Before all hell breaks loose.
(water rushing)
(gentle ominous music)
(people laughing in distance)
- Okay, um, maybe what we do
is we have a housewarming party,
like, welcome Cat to have, like, a dinner.
(Cat laughs)
- You guys don't have to do that.
That'd just be, um, too cute.
Too cute.
It's just that, uh, no one's ever really
thrown me a party before.
- Oh.
- Well, that does it. Now we have to.
- Whatever, I'll let you. (laughs)
Oh, it's stupid. (laughs)
Well, I'll just, I'm
gonna go ahead and unpack.
Uh, I'll, I'll catch you guys later.
But PS, if anybody needs anything,
um, I've been in a home invasion before,
so I ain't fucking around.
You guys need anything, you
just fucking holler, okay?
Just fucking holler.
(can cracks)
(Cat gulping)
(door slams)
- So what do you guys think?
Like, 50 red flags, right?
- What?
Oh my God. No.
I think she's, I think
she's kind of awesome.
We, we, you don't like her?
- She thinks my room is haunted.
She's insane.
- I mean, I hear where you're coming from,
but I think we're being
a little too judgmental.
She just needs a little transition.
Uh, she just got here.
You know, it's her first day.
- Yeah. I, I agree.
- [Beth] She's new. We
should just give it time.
- Yeah, I second all of that.
And also I think, you know, she's just,
just a little different.
Come on, she's, she's
kind of fucking cool.
Also, we'd have to replace her
in a really short amount of time,
because I cannot afford to
split her rent right now.
- Yeah, true.
- Whatever.
- [Sonya] So you liked this Cat at first?
- Yeah, I did.
- No, I thought she was a lunatic druggie
who just got out of a cult
and was gonna kill us all
in our sleep.
- Judge not lest ye be judged, right?
- It's true. I didn't
actually vet her very well.
- [Sonya] So then what happened?
- Well, um, moving on from there,
it was just all regular
living as roommates stuff.
Just feeling each other out.
(tense foreboding music)
- [Narrator] So Charlie, April and Beth
stifled their suspicions
and allowed their new eccentric roommate
to reside with them.
Though keeping an eye out
for any broken regulation
that might be violated,
which would in turn give them an opening
to alleviate their discomfort
and find a more palatable roommate.
For although they considered themselves
to be progressive and artsy,
they were much more
closed off and judgmental
than they realized.
(bag rustling)
(objects thudding)
(microwave beeps)
(water rushing)
(Cat belches)
(microwave beeps)
- Hey, you going somewhere?
- Yeah. Why?
- Just wanna make sure you
don't need to use the bathroom.
I got the BGs.
- BGs?
- Bubbles guts.
(gentle apprehensive music)
(car engine sputters)
(gentle menacing music)
- [Cat] Hi.
- Jesus.
- What are you doing?
- Uh, I'm just, you know,
I'm just stretching. (laughs)
- Cool. Very cool.
Um, so I was wondering
how you'd feel about, uh,
helping me sage April's room.
She already knows I'm gonna
do it. She said it was okay.
By the way, I knocked on
the door before I came in,
but it was already open,
so I figured it was cool.
- Yeah, yeah, it's totally cool.
You can come in here anytime, you know?
Like, uh...
Um, so, like, saging something.
I've never...
I've never done that before.
- It doesn't require experience.
You can just fake it 'til you make it
like fucking or acting.
You just, you just do it.
It comes to you.
- O-okay, I'm down.
Uh, do you just want me to, like,
light the sage stick or...?
- What I really need you
to do is watch my back.
- I can watch your back.
- Normally I wouldn't
wanna tell anybody this
because it's a very
vulnerable thing for me.
And when you open
yourself and your secrets
up to strangers,
you leave yourself, uh, to the
chances they might judge you.
Laugh at you, make fun of you,
think that bitch is
fucking off her rocker.
She's had too much LSD.
You know what I'm saying?
- (laughs) Yeah, I know
what you're saying.
I, I don't think you're crazy.
- All right, you want
in on a little secret?
Maybe a deeper bond between
us should form, you know?
- Yeah.
Yeah. I can tell you my secrets too.
We can bond. This is cool, yeah.
(Charlie laughs)
- I've had night terrors my entire life,
and a spirit is trying to possess my body.
And sometimes it does get in
and speak through my mouth
with a different voice
until I cast it out.
I think they just take advantage
of the sensitivity I have
to their energies and use me as a vessel.
I, I, I really don't know
what they want from me.
I don't know if it's
just to be seen or heard
or something nefarious.
I have no fucking idea.
I just need you there to have my back
in case anything bad happens.
(tense menacing music)
- I can have your back.
(eerie percussive music)
Yeah, I do feel lighter in here, man.
- Well, that makes one of us.
(energetic punk rock music)
- [Narrator] Daniel has
always been a good son,
assisting his mother in
homeschooling his younger siblings
and his father in
budgeting household repairs
and enjoying the standup
comedy of one Jerry Seinfeld.
His social experience thus
far in life has been limited
to his local Mormon
chapter and his family.
His best friend is Jedediah.
Jedediah examined his whole life
what he considers to be built
on a foundation of lies.
The epiphany came upon him one night
while studying engineering at BYU.
His mind wandered to
the process of creation
and as he thought it through more fully
than he ever had done before,
some biblical claims revealed
themselves to be physically
and scientifically impossible,
and therefore silly.
He eventually dropped
out and moved back home
where he was forced by his
parents to go on a mission
before exceeding the age limit.
- I think it's fine.
I think we're in a part
of town where, like,
you can say howdy to
people and it's not weird.
And I think that it'll help them sort of-
- Howdy. I don't give a shit, man.
- It'll make them trust.
No, it'll make us seem more trustworthy.
(doorbell rings)
Hi, Hello.
Uh, my name is Elder Daniel.
This is Elder Jedediah.
We're with the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Would you have some time
to talk about Jesus?
- Um, well, actually-
- Time will expand itself for Jesus.
- Okay. Thank you.
Nice to meet you. Hello.
- You boys want something to drink?
We got coffee, water,
bubbly, fizzies, beer.
- I'll take a beer.
- All right.
- Creepy house.
- [Cat] Thanks. You smoke?
- Yeah.
(can cracks)
- [Cat] All right. Come with me.
- Well, hi.
It's nice to meet you.
My name is....
My name's Daniel. I
told you already, but...
- I'm Beth.
- It's nice to meet you, Beth.
That's a very pretty name.
Um, do you know about the Book of Mormon?
- No, but...
I do know a lot about the Holy Bible.
(Bible thuds)
- I like your tie.
(Jedediah coughs)
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- What's your success rate on
this whole door to door thing?
- Only weirdos and lonely
people answer their door
to strangers anymore, so.
Yeah.
- Ain't that the fucking truth?
It's probably for the best though.
If I start my own club, you wanna join?
- What would we do in it?
- You ever heard of Sheilaism?
- No.
- Basically we'd compile
a list of all the things
we like from other cults and religions.
Put 'em under the umbrella of one name,
collect offerings and avoid taxes.
You ever tried LSD?
- Well, obviously, but, uh,
it's LDS, actually.
- Oh, that's what's up.
- [Beth] Baptism?
- Yeah, we do that.
Uh, do you guys have Jesus or
is it just Mary over there?
- Oh, we have both.
- Nice.
- Uh, prayer?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Joseph Smith?
- Mm. Drink.
Prophets.
- Yes. Oh, apostles.
- Mm-hm.
Don't you guys believe in polygamy?
- Not anymore.
- Hmm.
Celibacy before marriage?
- Yeah, we have that.
Uh, so are you in school or do you
go to work or anything?
- I'm an actor for Jesus.
- You know, I, I always thought
that if I became a bishop
or something, that I
would like to put jokes
in my sermons, you know?
Get, get the crowd sort of, uh, off guard
and then just really hit 'em
with a gut punch, you know?
(Beth laughs)
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- Can I hear one?
- You, I, I probably, I don't know if I...
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, I, yeah, I've got one.
Um, why don't...
Why don't the Lamanites like Muay Thai?
- Why?
- Uh, 'cause they can't stand me fights.
(Beth gags)
Oh my God. Are you okay?
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have used my best joke.
- Aren't you supposed to
keep an arm's length distance
away from any women on your mission?
- You know, um, I should
probably let you know
before we go any further.
You know, I don't wanna
lead you on or anything,
but I am very devout about LDS,
and therefore unconvertible.
- How devout?
- Extremely devout.
(celestial music)
Oh my God.
- Ah, ah, ah.
- [Doug] Show me your
boobies first. Come on.
- No, baby wants to
see your pee pee first.
- Oh, show me your boobies first.
- Just the tip.
(door thuds)
(people chattering)
- [Jedediah] Oh, and orgies.
(Cat laughs)
- What the fuck is going on?
- [Daniel] Did you write
your own Bible verses?
- I wouldn't call them Bible verses.
- No, this, this kind
of reads like Psalms.
- Maybe, uh "Interior
Castle" by St. Teresa Avila.
- Sainthood.
Hm.
- Daniel?
Would you...
Like to pray with me?
- Jed, we have to go now.
Go, get your bike.
Please, get your bike. It's right here.
It's right here, right here, right here.
- What's goin' on, man?
- Your bike. We have to go.
We were not prepared for this.
We have to go guard
ourselves a little better
before we could come back here.
There's a lot of stuff we didn't,
we didn't plan on.
- [Cat] See you at my party Friday.
- See ya. (laughs)
- [Daniel] Okay, well, perfect.
We can come back. We can talk to 'em then.
- What happened with you two?
- Hi, are you staying in room 722?
(sighs) Stupid.
(door knocks)
- Hey, chicken little. What you doing?
- [Charlie] Hey, um, just,
uh writing my memoirs.
- Nice.
Uh, do you think you could
do me a little teeny tiny,
like, one week old fetus size favor?
- [Charlie] Yeah. Whatever you want.
- Think we could smoke of
that flower you're holding?
Do you do photography?
- Uh, no.
- These are good.
- Nah. (laughs)
I'm thinking of moving to LA.
- [Cat] Ew. Why?
Look at you. You look so cute.
- I'm not cute. I'm sexy.
- Agreed.
- No one's gonna cast me here
looking like this bullshit.
And, like, people want blonde, big boobs.
Especially for those Lifetime movies,
which is all we get here.
- [Cat] Yeah, nobody knows who they are
when they're 16 anyways.
- [Charlie] When do you know who you are?
- I don't know.
When, say, you stop giving a fuck
and just do whatever you want.
You know, stay true to yourself.
- Yeah, my parents pay my bills,
so I can't really do that.
- Well, that's your problem.
You shouldn't let anybody
hold financial power over you, man.
When was the last time you dated a girl?
- [Charlie] I haven't.
- You just do your own thing.
That's probably why
you're not getting cast.
You're looking for approval
instead of approving yourself.
Is it because of your parents?
- No, it's just 'cause it's
really hard to find, um,
gay girls in Oklahoma.
- Wait, are you a virgin?
- I, um, I have had sex with a girl once.
- As soon as you start doing
whatever the fuck you wanna do,
be creative, the better.
- Someday my princess is gonna come,
but when that day happens,
I'm gonna fuckin' straight tap
that shit for a whole week.
'Cause, man, right now I'm
fuckin' about to blow, dude.
- [Cat] Hey, can I paint you?
- What?
- Can I paint you?
- Like, paint on, like,
a canvas, like, me?
- [Cat] Yeah.
(sanguine music)
(tense unsettling music)
(April sighs)
(phone dings)
- Yes.
(phone dings)
(phone dings)
(phone dings)
Fuck.
- [Narrator] April is the
daughter of a four-time divorcee
and an emotionally and
physically absent father.
Her mother's best friend,
confidant and keeper.
April matured at a very young age,
putting her at odds with
her less self-aware peers,
causing her to struggle with
interpersonal relationships
and vulnerability.
Something she is working on
with her new boyfriend, Doug.
With each new husband,
April's mother pushed her to
treat them like her own father,
complete with affection,
subservience and a slew of compliments,
creating a resentment in
April for fake people,
tuning her radar for bullshit,
and ingraining a deep-seated
skepticism for all things.
She studied communications in college
for lack of a better direction,
but when a friend invited
her to an improv class,
April finally found the
childhood play outlet
she had been longing for.
- So what are you auditioning for?
- I'm auditioning for Jade in
"Funky Gold Black Tar Heroin."
- Cool.
Uh, me too.
- Oh.
- If that makes you uncomfortable,
I can just see if, you
know, Charlie or Beth
or who's around?
- No, no, it's fine.
I mean, we're all, we're all adults here.
No, no need for competition and...
And they'll probably be
such different takes.
- [Cat] Yeah, totally.
- [April] Okay.
- [Cat] And rolling.
(April sighs)
Take your time.
- What are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna lick this pussy?
Wait, uh, can we start over?
- Yeah, yeah, totally.
And we're rolling again.
(April sighs)
- What are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna pussy?
Can we maybe just start
from the second scene first?
- Who are you?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, like, what's
your character backstory?
- Well, there wasn't
much in the breakdown,
so I just assumed that she
was a girl from a broken home.
Drugs, daddy issues.
She was probably raped at 13
and never got the help that she needed.
So she went down this
path of self-destruction.
She never really knew who she was.
So that's what brought her
to today with Rudy and Vance.
Why she's about to cut
them for this heroin,
why she'll OD in the last scene.
- You've created too much separation
between yourself and the character.
You said she'll OD.
She, she, she. Not I.
- I just don't want too
many voices in my head.
- I think this character's
a lot more close
to the real you than you think.
Like, this character is you,
just under a little bit
different circumstances, right?
Are you close with your family?
- Um, what do you mean? I
mean, I'm close with my mom.
She's my best friend.
- You mean you're her babysitter?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
And, uh, what about this, Doug?
Is he satisfying you?
There's just a piece of you
that's been long left neglected.
- What does this have
to do with my character?
- Jade is April Landers
if April Landers had had a really hot
and cool boyfriend named Rod.
When you were 18 and he was 25
and you wanna impress him so bad,
'cause you really do have daddy issues.
- I do?
- Yeah, because you had no
one there for you in your life
when you were sad and lonely.
Because you tried to
tell your mommy, right?
You tried to tell her,
but what did she do?
She just walked away.
So then what did you do?
You tried to make up for the
relationships in your life
with men like Rod.
Mix in the heroin.
The heroin will never
fucking let you down, right?
Not like mommy, not like
daddy, not like Rod.
These motherfuckers right here are trying
to take away the only thing
that helps you drop out.
The only thing that doesn't
fucking let you down.
(April sobbing)
(camera beeps)
And begin.
(April groans)
- And what are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna lick this pussy?
You wanna suck on this
tiny puckered up butthole?
Well, fuck you.
Fuck all of you.
H is my family now.
H is my home.
So gimme that fucking little baggie
before I cut all you motherfuckers,
and walk out of here
like I never knew you.
(camera beeps)
- I think we got that one.
- [April] Yeah.
- So you said find an outlet, right?
This is my dance. I wanna show it to you.
This is a manifestation
of my inner turmoil.
Lights.
(melancholic dance music)
I feel so free in tragedy
And catastrophe's sweet company
- [Narrator] In that moment,
Cat, aka Pamela Lewis,
thought about what it would've been like
to have real parents and
healthy mentors growing up.
Like what she was for Charlie.
But in the ghettos of
Oklahoma where oil and Jesus
reigned supreme over
education and healthcare,
it just didn't work out that way.
Her teachers didn't get paid
enough to make a living,
hated their jobs, stressed about money,
their own loss potential,
never made enough to get out.
Take it out on students eyeballing you,
trying to catch you slipping,
talk down to you like you're
stupid, making you give up,
making you stupid.
No vocabulary to articulate yourself.
Who can learn from somebody
who's got it out for you?
Metal detectors, drug dogs,
kids in gangs, drunk and high.
Try to blend in. Slide by.
No money to get out.
Take a puff and a swig
and try to escape the fact
that you're fucked by the system.
Find a mentor.
They give you knowledge
in exchange for sex.
Look for God.
Nobody's there but crooks.
They want your last dime.
Say it's for God, their
God, the right God.
No chance.
See behind the curtain enough
and you can make your own racket.
- Dear Jesus,
I hope I make you proud.
Please let this party be really fun
and help me be better
friends with my roommates.
Please let Daniel be there
and help me book a life-changing role.
Only if it's your will, of course.
I just wanna live a life
that's pleasing to you.
- [God] You want to live a
life that's pleasing to me?
- Yes, Father, more than anything.
Father, what would you like me to do?
Are you there?
(sobbing) Please be there.
I don't wanna be alone anymore.
(Beth sobs)
Nobody loves me.
(Beth sobbing)
Please be there.
(Beth screams and moans)
(Beth screaming)
(Beth shuddering)
(tense menacing music)
- [Daniel] Tonight's gonna go really well.
I think it's gonna be really
good, as long, well...
- Have a good time, man.
- I will. You do too.
But also, please don't
screw this up for me.
- Don't screw this up for you, huh?
- Uh-huh.
- God, don't fucking screw this up for me.
- Well, don't swear.
And also, I'm not talking
about smooching the
ladies, all, all right?
I'm talking about saving
their immortal souls.
- You don't know what
you're talking about, okay?
Neither did Joseph Smith.
He's a rambling man.
Just like Hank Williams.
Just like Bob Dylan.
Just like every hobo from here to Hoboken.
- I think you're a rambling
man. You're rambling right now.
- Oh, good.
Maybe I'll find a way
to get rich off of it.
Turn me into a rockstar
and I'll emerge like Jesus, you know?
You know, with this Jesus dick?
- I don't mean that.
Please, just let me get
through my spiel, huh?
- No one wants to hear your spiel, dude.
(doorbell rings)
(Daniel muttering)
- Hi. Uh, oh, no.
I think we're okay.
- Ah, Jehova.
- Yeah. Well, I mean, not really.
We're Mormons. It's different.
A lot of people make that
mistake actually. Hello.
(Beth laughing)
- Ah, so do you boys live in Del City?
- Yep, old Del.
- Del shitty.
- Cat, you're from here, right?
- [Cat] Yep, left a few years back.
- Did you leave for acting?
- [Cat] Well, I left to find
more open-minded people.
- Did you find them?
- I found that the open-minded
can also be small minded.
Then I found spirituality
and took a real deep dive.
I was actually pretty sold for a while,
until I realized it was
all a crock of shit,
and I should probably just find an angle.
- [Beth] Interesting.
- So what is your angle?
- [Cat] If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Then beat 'em at their own game.
- Who do you need to beat?
- [Cat] The world.
- Yes. The world is full of sin.
- You know, you might want
to think about changing
up your look.
- Daniel.
- If you want to convert.
- He's right.
If you wanna join 'em, you gotta blend in.
A mask of sanity in order
to convert the masses.
Believe me, I'm working
on a rebranding of sorts.
- Well, I like to think
that it's important
to have a tradition with God.
You know, without God
there would be anarchy.
- Or just science.
- People need a moral compass.
Um, you know, like Jesus Christ.
- Yes, Jesus's example helps to save us
from ourselves and our sinful natures.
- Yeah, uh, but, like,
there's, uh, also, you know,
people that just want to be good people.
You know, the Bible can
be used to sway people
to agendas, you know?
- But not the Book of Mormon.
- Whoa there, brother.
You're talking nonsense
now. I mean, quit it.
- I once met a spirit in the Black Hills
who said all things we devote our time to,
whether it be religions, spirituality,
or just eating yourselves to death,
are just time sucking rabbit holes.
And then all life will
go on no matter what
you devote your time to.
We're all gonna be dust anyways.
- Yeah, I mean, you know, when life began
on the star planet Kolob...
(Beth chuckles)
- Kolob? Daniel, you are so funny.
Oh my god. (laughing)
- Yep. That's Daniel.
He says some pretty wild things
to get a rise out of people
sometimes, don't you?
- Well, that's fancy.
- That was a Scientology parting gift.
I felt that I was deserving of
a severance package of sorts.
- [Leader] The blood is in here.
(sharp discordant music)
- From grapes that have burst
forth from their mother's womb
at the very edge of angst and frustration
to live a new kind of existence.
Foregoing death as
wasted fruits on the vine
bled out slowly from pure
skin like a slaughtered lamb,
grown from fields of lovers
in orgies, death and doom.
It cries out to be drunk
until its final drop
is returned to a new womb.
A new seed to begin again.
It always finds a way.
Drink me at your own risk, for this night,
I will reap what they
sowed to the last drop.
Ba-da-da-da-da. Drink responsibly.
- Well, cheers.
To Cat and her new home,
to love and confidence.
- To Doug, to my career, my cosmic hope.
(April grunts)
- To the blood of the lamb.
And to God's will.
- To spiritual revelations.
(Daniel sighs)
(glass shatters)
- Why?
- To drama for stories supreme.
- No one's forcing you to do anything.
- You forced me.
You forced me to think about
things and now I'm ruined.
- What didn't you wanna think about?
- My life, the world, the truth.
- Because without it, what?
You've gotta find something
new to believe in. Is that it?
- No, without it, I've
wasted my whole life.
I don't have other stuff.
You have other stuff.
I don't have other stuff. I've
spent 22 years only on this.
And without this, I'm nothing.
Without this, I'm a, I'm a fraud.
Like these people.
- Speak for yourself.
I never pretended to believe in anything.
- You're the biggest fraud of all.
Your whole job is pretending.
- Relax, Daniel.
- I can't just relax. I'm not like you.
I can't just relax when I know
that there's nothing, when I know,
I know that there's nothing.
I know you guys are right.
I know the world doesn't mean anything
and that we're all gonna die.
And that, that none of
what we do here matters.
I know that.
(Daniel sighs)
(head thuds)
- Be still, Daniel.
(Daniel clears throat)
- I'd like to apologize to all of you
for ruining your evening.
- Daniel.
- Well, should we play a game?
(mellow synth music)
Max on the box
(Charlie muttering)
- Come on. You can dance for me.
Max on the box
He don't care about your thoughts
You don't feel what you feel
April.
- No. (laughing)
- [Cat] Come on, my girl.
- I can't. I can't.
Okay, I will.
I don't need your shot shots
(Cat laughs)
- What are you laughing at?
- You smell like a 40 year old man.
(Cat chuckles)
(synth music continues)
All right, Jed, let's see it.
Max on the box
Makin' my thoughts into your thoughts
All right.
Into mine
Max on the box
Making my thoughts into your thoughts
Into your thoughts
Barrels of fire
- We have charades.
We, remember what we-
- That's, like, a kid's game.
- What? No, it's fun for every, everyone.
Okay, I'll go first.
You ready?
Okay, this is a good one. Okay.
- Occupation.
- Yeah.
- Two words. Second word.
- Can't we at least play
some music in the background?
Or are we just gonna sit
here staring at each other?
- Hmm.
- Driving?
- Drive.
- Driver.
- It's not an occupation. It's a movie.
- What?
- It's a movie.
You've never seen "Taxi Driver?"
- What do you mean?
- You're an actor.
I don't understand actors
that don't watch movies.
- I, I love movies.
- Well, then watch 'em.
- I don't know why you're
being such a dick right now.
- I'm not being a dick.
I'm just being honest.
God, that's the problem
with Midwestern people.
They can't take criticism.
That's why you guys never advance.
Y'all are all just sitting
around letting each other suck.
- I don't suck. You're just drunk.
- Well...
No mentor is perfect.
- Mentor?
- Yeah, what'd you think
I was, your girlfriend?
- No.
- Charlie, don't be like that.
Dude, you gotta let your skin toughen up.
- You don't care about what
people think about you?
- I don't have to pray for some comedian
to come take over my body. (scoffs)
Loser.
- Where does this stuff come from?
- I just sort of feel it and
free-write what comes to me.
- You just feel it?
You just, is that what everyone does?
They just feel it and
then they write it down
and then someone else
decides that it's true
and that's how we all got here?
- Maybe. Does it matter?
- Does it matter?
I'm sorry.
- If it makes you a better
person, does it matter?
- I don't, I don't know.
I'm really confused. I'm doing really bad.
I shouldn't have drank that
wine. I'm a real piece of turd.
- Jesus drank wine.
- That doesn't make it right.
- They give it away at communion.
- Isn't that, like, sacrament?
- [Beth] Open your mouth.
- What?
- I'm gonna show you
how we take communion.
- Okay.
(cracker crunching)
I feel like you've done this before.
- Maybe I'm just a natural.
To the blood.
- (sighs) To the, to the blood.
(Daniel groans)
- Okay.
(April sighs)
I'm not doing that.
- Why not?
- Because I hate that guy.
- Why?
- Because he's a two bit
hack that steals jokes.
That's why.
(gentle ominous music)
I'm gonna go call Doug.
I got a lot of shit I gotta do tomorrow.
Goodnight.
- Who doesn't like Neil Hamburger?
You know what? Fuck it.
Let's just go drink for
drink with the accident game.
- What's the accident game?
(Charlie retching)
(Charlie coughs)
Fucking stupid,
fat fucking half girl.
Fuck you.
(Charlie shuddering)
(gasping) I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck what you think.
(Charlie groans)
- What's it like to walk
into a room dick first?
- God, you have such a way
with words. You know that?
- Do I?
- Yeah.
I mean, the things you say,
they're, like, brilliant
little treasure nuggets
that, and I don't know,
they just make you seem
like somebody special.
- Like Jesus?
- Or Manson.
I haven't really figured it out yet.
- Well, the only thing
that separates the prophet
from the man, man,
is that one can hold it
together better in public.
- So you don't believe in any religion?
Is that possible if you
believe in poltergeists?
- I dunno.
If there's a God, I mean, if,
I think it's probably more
like a goddess energy,
quantum God kind of thing.
More than any of that,
I believe in myself.
- I believe in you too.
- I'm serious.
I have this repetitive dream.
I'm leading masses of people to safety
in the zombie apocalypse.
- Zombie apocalypse?
- It's not always a zombie apocalypse.
Sometimes it's vampires
or Nazis, or pedophiles,
or just monsters.
I teach them how to
escape and then I show 'em
how to defend themselves.
Masses and masses of people.
I think it's my destiny.
- [Jedediah] I'd follow you to safety.
- Would you?
- [Jedediah] I'd follow you anywhere.
- Why, 'cause pretty soon
you'll be excommunicated?
(Jedediah laughs)
- [Jedediah] Yeah.
But also because you
sound like a pied piper.
(tense discordant music)
- [April] I just needed to
book it for myself, you know?
- Come on, baby.
Maybe you just dodged a huge bullet
and you don't even know it.
- I just can't fucking
believe Cat got the part.
Fucking bitch. She sabotaged me.
Do you know how that feels?
To be manipulated by someone you trusted?
I let her get in my head.
Now I keep hearing her voice.
I don't, I don't know who I am anymore.
- [Doug] You'll always be my superstar.
(Daniel groans)
(blankets rustling)
(bed creaking)
(legs thudding)
(door creaking)
- Really?
You're gonna take my
virginity and just sneak out?
- Um, okay.
Uh, first of all, I don't
think it's really fair
for you to say that I took your virginity.
If anything, you threw it at me
and I just sort of caught it.
So if anybody took anything from anybody,
it's you taking it from me.
And also, second of all,
yes, I'm sneaking out.
I don't know what to do.
We weren't trained for this,
um, so I was gonna sneak out,
but now I'm just regular
leaving, which I apologize about.
- Oh, God.
- Also, this isn't me
converting to Catholicism.
I, I, I don't know how
you guys count that,
but please don't count me in this, so, so.
- Nobody thought you were but fine.
- That's actually a huge relief.
Should, should I leave money?
- What?
- I don't know, for offering or damages?
- Oh my...
- Yeah.
- Get out.
- Yep, yep, okay.
- Get out.
- I, I appreciate it. Great night.
It was, it was nice to meet you.
(flame crackling)
- She's gotta go.
- She's fucked up.
- Yeah, she sabotaged my audition
so she could book my role.
- Yeah, well...
She took a shit
in my underwear.
- And she also did some
really sexual things with me,
with paint and weed and linseed oil.
And I don't even know what happened.
- And there's no fucking
way she doesn't use dishes.
- She's possessed by a demon.
- What?
- She brought a demon into this house
and said it was a ghost
that was already here.
But it's not. It's her.
And she's been turning us into heathens.
- Yeah, okay. But what do we do?
Do we kick her out?
- Yeah, I can't. But if you wanna do it.
- An exorcism.
That's what we need to do.
- Fuck, man. Okay.
Okay.
(door thuds)
(ominous music)
- By the powers of our Lord Jesus Christ,
may you be snatched away,
most cunning serpents.
Our most high God commands you.
He with whom in all of your insolence,
you still claim to be equal.
- Wait, is, is this a scene?
Are, are you guys filming right now?
- God the Father commands you.
God the Son commands you.
The Holy Ghost commands you.
- Wow, good job, Beth.
- It's not a scene. I'm trying
to rid you of your demons.
- Oh, not even Christ
himself could do that.
Nice try though. (chuckles)
- She's trying to fix you, asshole.
- Why am I an asshole?
- You sabotaged my audition.
- I thought you were gay.
- You turned us all to sin.
The sacred sign of the cross commands you.
The blood of the martyrs
and the intercession of all
the saints commands you.
Thus, curse the dragon.
And you, diabolical legions.
Be gone, Satan.
(gentle eerie music)
(wind whooshing)
Gimme a smoke.
Got a light?
- [Sonya] (scoffs) Wait a
second, this really happened?
- Which part?
- [Sonya] Basically
everything after the party.
- I'm not proud of it.
- [Sonya] But you all tied
up one of your roommates
after a party because one of you suggested
she might be possessed?
- Are you shaming me?
- [Sonya] I, I, I'm just
trying to wrap my head
around all this and get it straight.
So your other roommate,
the redheaded April,
she was actually possessed by a demon.
- Well, not actually a demon.
I mean, just, just let me finish. Goddog.
- My name's Mario.
(demonic voice uttering)
What? You've never heard of me?
Here, I got one.
(audience claps)
San Francisco.
You know, this is my favorite
spot in the Bay Area.
It's been my favorite
spot since the 1980s.
That's how long I've
been touring the circuit.
Huh? Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Two fish in a tank.
One fish says to the other,
"Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Shark eats a clownfish, "Hey,
it tastes kind of funny."
Speaking of funny, you know
where fish keep their money?
In a river bank.
Shark's favorite movie? "Shar-shank."
Say I'm trying to get
in touch with a fish.
Hmm, why don't you drop him a line?
How about a fish with a
tie? Very so-fish-ticated.
You know, fish swim in salt water
because the pepper makes 'em sneeze.
Hey, what's going on with
that shellfish over there?
I don't know. Somebody call
the clambulance, please.
(audience laughs)
Fish walks into a bar. Bartender
says, "What can I get you?"
The fish says" Water. I need water."
Easiest way to catch a fish,
have your buddy throw one to you.
Say, anybody in the audience
have the, uh, fish sandwich?
Fish sandwich. Fish sandwich.
You get a fish sandwich?
I can do a mean party trick.
This broad knows what I'm talking about.
Hey, nice set of pearls.
It's a fish thing.
(audience laughs)
- This is fucking weird.
- [Narrator] So after
the poltergeist Mario
was done with his set,
all of the roommates were
in such a state of shock,
they had no response.
- I hadn't seen this one before.
- [Narrator] They treated the possession
as though it was normal
living as roommates stuff.
- And then we just
started living with Mario,
as sort of fifth roommate that
just happened to share a room
with April from then on.
- Oh, I got along great with Mario.
He also came from a strict
Catholic upbringing.
(bright uplifting music)
- I don't know if I'd say
Mario is my best friend.
I think that honor still goes to Jed
just because of our history.
But I've definitely never
connected with anyone
like I've connected with Mario.
I mean, we, we talk about
comedy all the time.
He's shown me a lot of
stuff from when he was alive
that I never would've seen.
He's really helped me sort
of hone my voice in a,
in a way that I, I don't think
I would've done without him.
- [Sonya] So what about your roommate Cat?
- Mm, well, I guess, you know,
Mario kind of took all the attention
in the house after that.
He was just such a character.
And then Cat kind of
fell through the cracks,
which she was okay with.
I mean, especially after the exorcism.
And she just kept saying
she was writing a manifesto.
And then a month later,
she was just...
Gone.
(doorbell rings)
- Hi.
- [Beth] Can I help you?
- Um, I made it. (laughs)
What a drive.
Oh, I am Cat Carol.
Willa? I talked to her on Facebook.
And she's letting me sublease her room
while she's out of town.
I already paid for the last few months,
but it took me a while to get here
because I ended up booking this gig in LA
playing a heroin addict.
So we had to shoot for a while
and, but I'm, I'm here now.
Willa said you all would be expecting me?
- I like your flowers on your face.
- [Cat] Thanks.
- Your room's this way.
- [Sonya] So how do you feel now?
- Um, I've been completely
out of my body ever since.
Uh, I've been talking to
my parents about going
to a center or a facility to
get some professional help.
It's just a little...
- I feel surprisingly at
peace about the whole thing.
- [Sonya] Do you believe in Patricia Lewis
even after she conned you?
- Like I said, it was like a brothel.
Acting is like prostitution.
Women just putting themselves out there.
Giving themselves away for just a taste.
And Jesus loved prostitutes. You know why?
Because they don't let
persecution and judges
get in the way of doing the Lord's work.
It's what real artists do.
- David Lynch, Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
That guy from "The Aviator."
- The what?
- Goddamn it.
All I'm saying is the
sooner you start doing
whatever the fuck you want
and stop worrying about
everybody else, the better.
(upbeat rock music)
Don't talk to strangers
They'll get you while you're down
Follow your instincts
Just let it all hang out
Although you hold his hand
You're wandering all about
You know you have to go
For 1,500 miles
It's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right
Don't talk to strangers
They'll take it all away
Come to your senses
Step out of the rain
(upbeat rock music continues)
It's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right
Ooh ooh ooh
Don't talk to strangers
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Don't talk to strangers
Ooh ooh ooh
(music fades)
- [Narrator] The first person I met
on a film set was a pedophile.
He was a rich local wanting
to get into the business
and said he wanted to cast
me in his next torture porn.
He took videos through
his living room window
of him taking his little dog outside
to run into neighborhood children.
He cataloged his interactions with them
and where they lived.
I told the police and he smiled
and said I was a great investigator.
I could probably solve the case on my own.
Now I have nightmares
that I'm pulling children
out from underneath his floor boards
to help them escape before he comes home.
(tense unsettling music)
I always wanted to be an actor.
- [Sonya] It's fine. You look great.
- [Charlie] Well, you
know how sometimes black
can look weird on a black background.
- [Sonya] Yes. I know.
Before we get started,
uh, I just wanna stress
that we're looking for the truth here.
To paint a portrait of a
woman you claim you once knew
and the kind of person she was
before she became, you know.
- Yeah, okay.
- [Sonya] So there's no
need to embellish anything
or make it more dazzling.
It'll already be hard enough
for the audience to swallow as is.
- No, I'm not worried about them.
Everything's subjective anyway, right?
- [Sonya] So you lived in
a house full of actors.
- Yeah, it was sort of like a brothel.
- [Sonya] And, uh, how did the four of you
come to live together?
- Well, I mean, we just kind of met
through the local acting community and-
- [Narrator] Mommy and
daddy's little girl.
Charlie realized they
were gay in high school,
eventually coming out to a best friend
who pretended to be supportive,
but quickly stopped
responding and told everyone
in school Charlie was in love with her.
To make matters worse,
their parents identified as Christians,
although they didn't
know much about the Bible
except what they'd
heard the preachers say,
which was that homosexuals
are going to hell.
When they came out,
their parents responded
with a resounding, "You are not gay."
And the topic was swiftly shelved.
Invalidated and traumatized,
Charlie caved in on themself,
lost their confidence and
developed severe anxiety.
They became a hermit and
channeled their identity
into living vicariously through
LGBTQ Instagram profiles
and hashtags until segueing
into fictional characters via acting.
Although Charlie had great
instincts as a performer,
they stuffed them down,
leaving their auditions drab,
a pale comparison to what
they were capable of.
Much like every other
aspect of their life.
- Yeah, so Beth found this
big house for cheap rent
and we all just four split
it and it was a steal.
- [Sonya] It's nice that you didn't feel
any sort of competition
amongst each other, you know,
going out for the same roles and whatnot.
Now can you tell me a little
bit about what it was like
between you all
before this event happened?
- Mm. Before, before, before.
Well, I mean, it was just sort of, like,
four roommates living together.
Not really much else to say about it.
- [Sonya] Would you say
you were all friends?
(Charlie sighs)
- Hello?
Somebody.
I know you're all home. I can hear you.
Who are you? You people.
It's tornado season anyway.
Oh, wouldn't necessarily say
we were all friends, you know.
- I actually don't remember
any of their names.
- Friends?
The best of friends.
- Yes. We were truly blessed.
(door creaks)
(door slams)
(keys rattling)
- Oh, did you park behind me?
- Uh, yeah.
- Uh, I need you to move because I'm going
to my Wednesday night church group.
- Didn't you just get home?
- [Beth] Yeah.
- Okay, so why'd you park in the driveway
if you're just gonna leave?
- Oh, because there were two empty spaces.
- Right.
But I parked in the driveway
'cause there was one empty space.
- Uh, but I'm leaving.
(keys rattling)
- Oh, Willa, can I use some of your milk?
- I mean, I'd rather you not.
I just, I have it
pre-portioned to last the week.
- Oh, no, I'd just like a splash.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- Hey, do you mind
keeping it down for a few?
I'm gonna be recording a voiceover.
- [Charlie] Yeah, sure. Of course.
(package rustling)
- Charlie, I can still hear you.
It sounds like you're
crumbling 50 newspapers
with a pair of snow boots.
- Oh yeah, sorry. I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
(package rustling)
How about you go to your
room for, like, 20 minutes
and then I'll text you when I'm done.
- Okay, sure.
- Thank you.
- [Narrator] Basically the roommates
never tried getting to know each other,
each wrapped up in their own careers.
So their communications consisted
of passive aggressive texts, door slams
and tiptoeing on eggshells.
- Hags.
(door slams)
- Cunts.
(door slams)
- Sinners.
(door slams)
- You all know I'm allergic to nuts.
(door slams)
- So would you say you were all happy?
Yeah, I wouldn't say we were happy.
I wouldn't say we were unhappy.
I mean, we were just moving together
through space and time in the same place.
- Fair enough.
So when did all the trouble start?
- Well, I guess you
could say it all started
when Willa decided to move to LA.
(whimsical music)
(upbeat synth music)
On a highway
Oh yeah
On a highway
Oh yeah
Ooh yeah
Now take this one
And one for the races
Ooh yeah
Nobody nobody move from their places
Ooh yeah
Now take this one
And one for the races
Ooh yeah
Is it just for the girls and the boys
In the band
Tonight yeah
Talk talk to me oh yeah
Talk to me man
Is it just for the boys in the band
Talk talk to me man
Yeah talk talk to me oh man yeah
Talk to me man
Is it just for the boys
And the girls in the band
All the stars in the sky
See the emerald in your eyes
Oh she gives me butterflies
When she look at me with those eyes
Hey hey hey
Hey
(upbeat synth music continues)
Hey fire eyes my friend
Hey hey hey hey
(door knocks)
You got the room, didn't you?
(Willa laughs)
- I've gotta go, dude.
(Charlie groans)
- Why?
- I just feel like I'm ready,
you know? Like, it's my time.
Like, if a real LA casting
director got to see me
and, and meet me and watch me do my thing,
they would champion me.
I just have to get in
front of the right people.
- But you could do that here.
You could do that here.
There's the incentive.
Things are coming here with projects.
- Really? This is Oklahoma.
I'm not gonna book the barista
or the grocery store clerk
or any of those other
character actor roles
in the movies that come through here.
I'm a leading lady.
- Yeah, but you did book
those two Lifetime movies.
- Exactly. My resume is so legit now.
It's too legit to stay here.
Yours is too.
You just don't have the confidence yet.
If you go to LA you have
to be ready to own it.
And your tapes are just,
like, a little too hesitant.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You're right.
I, um...
I'm just...
Gonna miss you is all.
I don't really have any
other friends in the house
and everyone else kind of just sucks.
- The sublet girl from Facebook
seems really interesting.
Maybe you two can become best friends
and you can come live with me in WeHo.
- Yeah.
Yeah, totally. Totally.
- Everything is gonna
change when I'm gone.
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
- I'm gonna miss you too.
(Charlie sighs)
- [Willa] I'm gonna go pack.
- Okay. Okay.
(gentle pensive music)
- [Narrator] Willa is the type
of narcissist who would stage
her own attack for public sympathy.
She has a blind confidence
perfect for Los Angeles,
in that she'll do
whatever, whomever it takes
to become famous.
She tries to overcompensate,
showing support for
others in order to seem
like the good guy she
believes will prosper
as she has seen before on television.
She'll eventually push away
everyone who can detect
her insincerity and become a producer
of film starring herself,
funded by a rich husband
whom she cares nothing for.
She will subsequently
cheat on and leave him
for an equally narcissistic
female yoga studio owner.
Together, they will produce a stream
of mildly successful yoga
content, create a wellness brand,
and live together with
their pampered dogs.
Both will become cocktail alcoholics
and die of liver related issues.
- I can't believe she's
casting for the role.
(Willa muttering)
Okay, I can take it from here.
- Willa.
You're not gonna hug me goodbye?
- Oh. (laughs)
I'm sorry.
- Hey, you remember
those Hello Fresh dinners
we made together with the little burgers
and, like, the ketchup sauce?
- Yeah.
- I, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's stupid.
Just, um, don't miss your flight.
- Okay. Love you.
(gentle pensive music)
- [Actor] Look, we gotta get
rid of these fucking rocks.
- What? Why?
- First off, today at work, I mean,
here I am trying to get
my, my numbers dialed up
and get the files sent
over correctly to Mark.
And, and then I'm just
thinking about these rocks
and all the clutter they're causing
and the room they're
taking up in the house.
And, and Mark notices, of
course, and he comes over
and he's like, "Hey, man.
Why, why aren't the numbers adding up?"
And, you know, "Is
something wrong at home?"
(Charlie sobbing)
And I have to lie and
say everything's fine.
And so if we can just get
rid of these fucking rocks.
I mean, things will be
better for me at work.
- You're asking me to get rid of a box
of memories of my father.
- Okay, here, here's another reason.
You know, my parents are
coming over to visit soon,
and, and they're getting up in age
and mom had a heart attack recently.
If they find the rocks,
I'm gonna have to explain
to them, you know,
what they're doing here.
Why they're cluttering up the place,
why they're taking up
so much freaking room.
And what happens if, you know,
she has another heart attack
and, and, and she dies.
And then we have to pay for the funeral.
We have all the family over.
Dad's gonna be hanging around
and he's gonna be bitching
about the lack of football.
So if we can just get rid of the rocks,
we can avoid all of that.
- I think if we explained the
sentimentality behind them,
they would understand.
- Okay, let me try this another way.
We're, we're in a relationship, right?
And so we want this relationship to grow.
(Charlie sobs)
We want us to grow.
We want us to become more happy.
And if, if one of us is, is,
like attached to something
in the past that's holding us
back, we have to give that up.
And so if we can just get
rid of these fucking rocks,
we, we would both become more happy.
I mean, I would become more happy.
So just get rid of these fucking rocks.
(vibrator buzzing)
(Charlie moans)
- [Charlie] Yeah. Yeah.
(Charlie moans)
- Don't live your life
with an itchy vagina.
Choose Option V.
Clinically proven to
alleviate the most sweaty
of gym rashes.
Option V available in
any foot cream aisle.
Not proven to reduce
the symptoms of crabs.
If you think you may be
suffering from crabs,
please contact your
primary care physician.
Don't live your life with an itchy vagina.
Choose Option V.
Clinically proven to alleviate
the most sweaty of gym rashes.
Option V available in
any foot cream aisle.
Not proven to reduce
the symptoms of crabs.
If you think you may be
suffering from crabs,
please contact your
primary care physician.
(vibrator buzzing)
(phone dings)
- Oh, shit.
(buzzing stops)
(Charlie sighs)
(melancholic string music)
- [Narrator] Beth grew up in a
large ultra religious family,
typical for the poor
and otherwise hopeless
in the Midwestern Bible Belt.
While a teenager, Beth
developed her own personal brand
of devotion to God and hatred of the devil
after what she describes
as a profound sermon
she heard but cannot
recall the specifics of.
This personal version of Satanic panic
actually coincided with
an absent-minded viewing
of "The Exorcist" at a babysitting job.
But Beth would never
put two and two together
in her own mind.
She considered joining a
convent until stumbling
upon a TBN special of Kirk Cameron
talking about being an actor for Jesus
and realized she might
have a much broader reach
witnessing through the
entertainment industry.
- Holy father, son of God,
please help me be the best person I can
in order to please you.
Please help me to resist
all sins of the flesh.
(page tears)
Please help me live a life
that's pleasing to you.
Help me turn my sinful
roommates to your light.
Please help me book a life-changing role
that will help me have
more of an influence
in order to do your will.
Please help Willa to have a safe trip.
And let the new girl Cat...
Please, Jesus. Let her be my friend.
- Don't live your life
with an itchy vagina.
(doorbell rings)
God, what the fuck?
(gentle bright music)
- Hi, uh, you must be
Cat, the new roommate.
- [Cat] Uh-huh.
- I'm Beth.
Um, hi.
- Hi.
- Shit.
- Oh.
Ah, oh.
- [Cat] Sorry, these
books are kind of heavy.
- No sweat.
Uh, "Kama Sutra." Is that Middle Eastern?
- It just depends on the
position. You interested?
It's a $10 book.
Since we're roomies now,
I'll give it to you for eight bucks.
- Um, maybe later.
- Well, this must be what
a vampire feels like.
- [Beth] Oh, what's that?
- Are you gonna invite me in?
- Oh, duh, sorry. Yeah, come on in.
Oh, no smoking in here actually.
- Duh.
Okay, okay.
- [Beth] Oh, that's the filming-
- [Cat] Jesus Christ.
- Goddamn it.
Hi.
April. You must be Cat.
- Yeah, that's me.
Uh, what you doing in the closet here?
Is this, like, your cam girl spot?
Or do you need me to
call somebody for you?
- I'm just recording a voiceover audition.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Audition. Of course.
Well, that's a nice setup.
Well, uh, I'll let you get back to it.
Break legs and all that.
- Uh, this is the living room area here.
- Nice, it's uh...
Pretty bare.
- Yeah, I hung a picture up in here once,
but I'm not sure what happened to it.
(Charlie breathing heavily)
(Charlie moans)
This is our self tape area.
- Wow. You guys are really
fucking professional.
- Hm.
I'd like to think so.
Oh, this is, uh, my room.
- Badass.
Jesus was pretty cool.
Oh, a prophet's manual.
I got one too.
- And, uh, this is April's room.
(Cat gasping)
- [Cat] Oh, fuck no.
- What? What's wrong?
- What, you don't feel that?
Ah, there's a malicious
presence in this room.
- What do you mean?
- It's a dark energy.
I'm really sensitive
to the spiritual realm,
especially when the veil is
so thin and they know it.
I gotta get the fuck out of here.
(tense unsettling music)
- I realize now that it
should have seemed suspicious,
but the property management seemed legit.
And there was obviously
nothing wrong about the house.
- There were drafts and
strange electrical issues,
but I just didn't believe
in ghosts or any of that.
- (exhales sharply) Oh,
yeah, that bitch was haunted.
It was in April's room, so.
(door knocks)
Oh, hey. (laughs)
I didn't know anyone was here.
- Yeah, Charlie, this is Cat,
the girl taking over Willa's room.
- I live here too.
- Better than Skid Row, right?
- (stammering) Totally, mm-hm.
- Uh, let's continue the tour.
- It was nice to meet you.
- And this is Willa's
room or was Willa's room.
It's yours now.
- Wow, she's basic as fuck, huh?
- Yeah, it's just your
typical Oklahoma girl.
She moved to LA to make it big.
She's so brave.
I hope God gives me the courage
to go out there someday.
- Fuck that shit, man.
LA's fucking whack and full of swine flu.
- It is?
- Yeah, one day you're
pounding the pavement
with your fucking pitiful
little ass resume,
and the next you move into a crack house
with a ton of homeless teens.
And you accidentally sit
on a used heroin needle,
but there's still some in
there and it fucks you up.
Then you can't shit for a long time.
Someone steals your vibrator.
So you can't shit, you can't
nut, can't land a day job.
Finally, you broke a role as a junkie,
but the day of,
you can't remember how you
played it in the audition
because the junk has worn off.
So you make a fucking fool outta yourself.
I'm just playing.
LA's the tits as long as
you stay outta trouble
and keep the dicks outta your mouth.
- Oh. (laughs weakly)
I would, uh, definitely.
Why did you come to Oklahoma?
- 'Cause LA's fucking rough, man.
Nobody wants to pop your cherry there.
They never want to be the
first person to cast you
even if you've done a million classes
and joined the acting cult for a year.
I just figured I'd get some
co-stars in a smaller market.
Plus it's fucking cheap.
- Yes, well, um, I will let you
get unpacked and settled in.
Um, we'll have a meeting later
just to go over house rules.
Set some boundaries.
- Boundaries? What, like, a fucking wall?
- No. (laughs)
Just, like, personal space
things, chores, whatnot.
You know.
- Copy that, sister.
(April voice recording in distance)
(bag slams)
- Jesus.
- Uh, should someone go get Cat?
- I'll get her.
(door knocks)
- Can I help you?
(industrial music)
- Uh, hey, Cat.
Um, we're about to have the
house meeting in the living room
if you care to join us or, I mean,
you don't have to if you don't want to.
- No sweat. I'll be there.
- All right, I'm gonna
read off the house rules
that we all came up with when we moved in,
and if you have anything
to add or any questions,
just let us know.
Rule number one, pay your rent on time.
- Non-issue. Next?
- Rule number two, no hard drugs.
Rule number three.
- Oh, maybe we should probably, um,
classify what's considered hard drugs
before we move on any further, right?
- Oh, okay.
Um, well-
- No hard drugs.
- Oh, you know,
sometimes I smoke a little
weed every now and again.
You know what I'm saying? (laughs)
- What's a little weed
there, Charlie Horse?
- You know, I just, like,
hit my pipe a couple times
and then go in my room and watch Netflix.
- That's what's up.
- Yeah.
- But yeah, no hard drugs.
So obviously we're probably
talking about heroin,
crack, meth, sure.
Are we also talking
about herbal mushrooms?
A little psilocybin, a
little acid here and there?
- Well, if you had to keep one
of those, what would it be?
- Acid.
No doubt.
I don't think we should limit anything
that widens our perspectives
to new worldviews,
philosophies and spiritual revelations.
- Spiritual revelations.
Yes, I agree. Those are important.
Rule number three, knock first.
And don't go into anyone's
room without permission.
(tense unsettling music)
- Charlie, you're not gonna believe this-
- Oh my gosh.
- Whoa, sorry.
(vibrator buzzing)
You're, you're not-
- No, no, no, no.
- To my...?
- No, I wasn't watching it.
- What the fuck?
- That came on right after.
- Four, shoes off in the house.
Rule number five, no
significant others moving in.
- Okay. Okay.
- Well, my boyfriend Doug came to visit
for, like, a week and that was fine.
Right, guys?
(Charlie sighs)
(April moaning)
(celestial music)
- Rule number six, wash dishes as you go.
- Oh, it's fine. I don't use dishes.
- What do you mean you don't use dishes?
- Well, I just reuse the same cup and fork
and then rinse 'em off when I'm done
and put 'em in a safe place.
Or I just eat with my hands, you know.
I don't follow along with
that societal norm bullshit.
There was a time before
somebody invented silverware,
you know, and people have just been
complicating shit ever fucking since.
- Uh, rule number seven,
respect silence when people
are taping auditions.
- Yes, that rule. Can't forget that rule.
It includes voiceovers.
- And finally, no parties
without explicit permission
via group text message.
- Well, I think this is gonna be great.
- I'm so excited.
- Me too.
- I really feel like
this is gonna be perfect,
and I, I really believe
in you guys, you know?
Not just as roommates, but also as actors.
I really feel a successful aura
just all over this fucking house.
It's like I'm peeking
into the Akashic Records
and I can't tell if it's
someone's huge success,
like, you or you or you,
or if it's all of you
kind of having just, like,
sea level success.
I can't really tell yet. The
reading isn't quite clear.
I'm still working out the kinks.
- Really?
- Yeah, what? You guys don't feel that?
It's, it's everywhere.
Well, except for one place.
(tense ominous music)
- What do you mean?
- You've got a poltergeist in your room.
- No, I don't.
- You're trying to tell me
you don't feel anything hinky in there?
- I don't believe in hinky.
- She doesn't believe in hinky.
(Charlie laughs)
- [Cat] Jesus.
(Cat laughs)
- Once in a moment of
hope for, I don't know,
some cosmic divinity,
I prayed that Andy Kaufman
would take over my body,
but he never showed.
And that's why hinky isn't real.
- Well, ghosts aren't real
except for the Holy Ghost.
Your spirit either goes to heaven or hell.
- I wouldn't say that either.
It's just an old house.
- No, no, no, no.
There's definitely some mean
old son of a bitch in there
and it definitely ain't no Kaufman.
You guys might wanna fork over the dough
to have some mystic come
cleanse that shit out, you know?
Before all hell breaks loose.
(water rushing)
(gentle ominous music)
(people laughing in distance)
- Okay, um, maybe what we do
is we have a housewarming party,
like, welcome Cat to have, like, a dinner.
(Cat laughs)
- You guys don't have to do that.
That'd just be, um, too cute.
Too cute.
It's just that, uh, no one's ever really
thrown me a party before.
- Oh.
- Well, that does it. Now we have to.
- Whatever, I'll let you. (laughs)
Oh, it's stupid. (laughs)
Well, I'll just, I'm
gonna go ahead and unpack.
Uh, I'll, I'll catch you guys later.
But PS, if anybody needs anything,
um, I've been in a home invasion before,
so I ain't fucking around.
You guys need anything, you
just fucking holler, okay?
Just fucking holler.
(can cracks)
(Cat gulping)
(door slams)
- So what do you guys think?
Like, 50 red flags, right?
- What?
Oh my God. No.
I think she's, I think
she's kind of awesome.
We, we, you don't like her?
- She thinks my room is haunted.
She's insane.
- I mean, I hear where you're coming from,
but I think we're being
a little too judgmental.
She just needs a little transition.
Uh, she just got here.
You know, it's her first day.
- Yeah. I, I agree.
- [Beth] She's new. We
should just give it time.
- Yeah, I second all of that.
And also I think, you know, she's just,
just a little different.
Come on, she's, she's
kind of fucking cool.
Also, we'd have to replace her
in a really short amount of time,
because I cannot afford to
split her rent right now.
- Yeah, true.
- Whatever.
- [Sonya] So you liked this Cat at first?
- Yeah, I did.
- No, I thought she was a lunatic druggie
who just got out of a cult
and was gonna kill us all
in our sleep.
- Judge not lest ye be judged, right?
- It's true. I didn't
actually vet her very well.
- [Sonya] So then what happened?
- Well, um, moving on from there,
it was just all regular
living as roommates stuff.
Just feeling each other out.
(tense foreboding music)
- [Narrator] So Charlie, April and Beth
stifled their suspicions
and allowed their new eccentric roommate
to reside with them.
Though keeping an eye out
for any broken regulation
that might be violated,
which would in turn give them an opening
to alleviate their discomfort
and find a more palatable roommate.
For although they considered themselves
to be progressive and artsy,
they were much more
closed off and judgmental
than they realized.
(bag rustling)
(objects thudding)
(microwave beeps)
(water rushing)
(Cat belches)
(microwave beeps)
- Hey, you going somewhere?
- Yeah. Why?
- Just wanna make sure you
don't need to use the bathroom.
I got the BGs.
- BGs?
- Bubbles guts.
(gentle apprehensive music)
(car engine sputters)
(gentle menacing music)
- [Cat] Hi.
- Jesus.
- What are you doing?
- Uh, I'm just, you know,
I'm just stretching. (laughs)
- Cool. Very cool.
Um, so I was wondering
how you'd feel about, uh,
helping me sage April's room.
She already knows I'm gonna
do it. She said it was okay.
By the way, I knocked on
the door before I came in,
but it was already open,
so I figured it was cool.
- Yeah, yeah, it's totally cool.
You can come in here anytime, you know?
Like, uh...
Um, so, like, saging something.
I've never...
I've never done that before.
- It doesn't require experience.
You can just fake it 'til you make it
like fucking or acting.
You just, you just do it.
It comes to you.
- O-okay, I'm down.
Uh, do you just want me to, like,
light the sage stick or...?
- What I really need you
to do is watch my back.
- I can watch your back.
- Normally I wouldn't
wanna tell anybody this
because it's a very
vulnerable thing for me.
And when you open
yourself and your secrets
up to strangers,
you leave yourself, uh, to the
chances they might judge you.
Laugh at you, make fun of you,
think that bitch is
fucking off her rocker.
She's had too much LSD.
You know what I'm saying?
- (laughs) Yeah, I know
what you're saying.
I, I don't think you're crazy.
- All right, you want
in on a little secret?
Maybe a deeper bond between
us should form, you know?
- Yeah.
Yeah. I can tell you my secrets too.
We can bond. This is cool, yeah.
(Charlie laughs)
- I've had night terrors my entire life,
and a spirit is trying to possess my body.
And sometimes it does get in
and speak through my mouth
with a different voice
until I cast it out.
I think they just take advantage
of the sensitivity I have
to their energies and use me as a vessel.
I, I, I really don't know
what they want from me.
I don't know if it's
just to be seen or heard
or something nefarious.
I have no fucking idea.
I just need you there to have my back
in case anything bad happens.
(tense menacing music)
- I can have your back.
(eerie percussive music)
Yeah, I do feel lighter in here, man.
- Well, that makes one of us.
(energetic punk rock music)
- [Narrator] Daniel has
always been a good son,
assisting his mother in
homeschooling his younger siblings
and his father in
budgeting household repairs
and enjoying the standup
comedy of one Jerry Seinfeld.
His social experience thus
far in life has been limited
to his local Mormon
chapter and his family.
His best friend is Jedediah.
Jedediah examined his whole life
what he considers to be built
on a foundation of lies.
The epiphany came upon him one night
while studying engineering at BYU.
His mind wandered to
the process of creation
and as he thought it through more fully
than he ever had done before,
some biblical claims revealed
themselves to be physically
and scientifically impossible,
and therefore silly.
He eventually dropped
out and moved back home
where he was forced by his
parents to go on a mission
before exceeding the age limit.
- I think it's fine.
I think we're in a part
of town where, like,
you can say howdy to
people and it's not weird.
And I think that it'll help them sort of-
- Howdy. I don't give a shit, man.
- It'll make them trust.
No, it'll make us seem more trustworthy.
(doorbell rings)
Hi, Hello.
Uh, my name is Elder Daniel.
This is Elder Jedediah.
We're with the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Would you have some time
to talk about Jesus?
- Um, well, actually-
- Time will expand itself for Jesus.
- Okay. Thank you.
Nice to meet you. Hello.
- You boys want something to drink?
We got coffee, water,
bubbly, fizzies, beer.
- I'll take a beer.
- All right.
- Creepy house.
- [Cat] Thanks. You smoke?
- Yeah.
(can cracks)
- [Cat] All right. Come with me.
- Well, hi.
It's nice to meet you.
My name is....
My name's Daniel. I
told you already, but...
- I'm Beth.
- It's nice to meet you, Beth.
That's a very pretty name.
Um, do you know about the Book of Mormon?
- No, but...
I do know a lot about the Holy Bible.
(Bible thuds)
- I like your tie.
(Jedediah coughs)
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- What's your success rate on
this whole door to door thing?
- Only weirdos and lonely
people answer their door
to strangers anymore, so.
Yeah.
- Ain't that the fucking truth?
It's probably for the best though.
If I start my own club, you wanna join?
- What would we do in it?
- You ever heard of Sheilaism?
- No.
- Basically we'd compile
a list of all the things
we like from other cults and religions.
Put 'em under the umbrella of one name,
collect offerings and avoid taxes.
You ever tried LSD?
- Well, obviously, but, uh,
it's LDS, actually.
- Oh, that's what's up.
- [Beth] Baptism?
- Yeah, we do that.
Uh, do you guys have Jesus or
is it just Mary over there?
- Oh, we have both.
- Nice.
- Uh, prayer?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, Joseph Smith?
- Mm. Drink.
Prophets.
- Yes. Oh, apostles.
- Mm-hm.
Don't you guys believe in polygamy?
- Not anymore.
- Hmm.
Celibacy before marriage?
- Yeah, we have that.
Uh, so are you in school or do you
go to work or anything?
- I'm an actor for Jesus.
- You know, I, I always thought
that if I became a bishop
or something, that I
would like to put jokes
in my sermons, you know?
Get, get the crowd sort of, uh, off guard
and then just really hit 'em
with a gut punch, you know?
(Beth laughs)
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- Can I hear one?
- You, I, I probably, I don't know if I...
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, I, yeah, I've got one.
Um, why don't...
Why don't the Lamanites like Muay Thai?
- Why?
- Uh, 'cause they can't stand me fights.
(Beth gags)
Oh my God. Are you okay?
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have used my best joke.
- Aren't you supposed to
keep an arm's length distance
away from any women on your mission?
- You know, um, I should
probably let you know
before we go any further.
You know, I don't wanna
lead you on or anything,
but I am very devout about LDS,
and therefore unconvertible.
- How devout?
- Extremely devout.
(celestial music)
Oh my God.
- Ah, ah, ah.
- [Doug] Show me your
boobies first. Come on.
- No, baby wants to
see your pee pee first.
- Oh, show me your boobies first.
- Just the tip.
(door thuds)
(people chattering)
- [Jedediah] Oh, and orgies.
(Cat laughs)
- What the fuck is going on?
- [Daniel] Did you write
your own Bible verses?
- I wouldn't call them Bible verses.
- No, this, this kind
of reads like Psalms.
- Maybe, uh "Interior
Castle" by St. Teresa Avila.
- Sainthood.
Hm.
- Daniel?
Would you...
Like to pray with me?
- Jed, we have to go now.
Go, get your bike.
Please, get your bike. It's right here.
It's right here, right here, right here.
- What's goin' on, man?
- Your bike. We have to go.
We were not prepared for this.
We have to go guard
ourselves a little better
before we could come back here.
There's a lot of stuff we didn't,
we didn't plan on.
- [Cat] See you at my party Friday.
- See ya. (laughs)
- [Daniel] Okay, well, perfect.
We can come back. We can talk to 'em then.
- What happened with you two?
- Hi, are you staying in room 722?
(sighs) Stupid.
(door knocks)
- Hey, chicken little. What you doing?
- [Charlie] Hey, um, just,
uh writing my memoirs.
- Nice.
Uh, do you think you could
do me a little teeny tiny,
like, one week old fetus size favor?
- [Charlie] Yeah. Whatever you want.
- Think we could smoke of
that flower you're holding?
Do you do photography?
- Uh, no.
- These are good.
- Nah. (laughs)
I'm thinking of moving to LA.
- [Cat] Ew. Why?
Look at you. You look so cute.
- I'm not cute. I'm sexy.
- Agreed.
- No one's gonna cast me here
looking like this bullshit.
And, like, people want blonde, big boobs.
Especially for those Lifetime movies,
which is all we get here.
- [Cat] Yeah, nobody knows who they are
when they're 16 anyways.
- [Charlie] When do you know who you are?
- I don't know.
When, say, you stop giving a fuck
and just do whatever you want.
You know, stay true to yourself.
- Yeah, my parents pay my bills,
so I can't really do that.
- Well, that's your problem.
You shouldn't let anybody
hold financial power over you, man.
When was the last time you dated a girl?
- [Charlie] I haven't.
- You just do your own thing.
That's probably why
you're not getting cast.
You're looking for approval
instead of approving yourself.
Is it because of your parents?
- No, it's just 'cause it's
really hard to find, um,
gay girls in Oklahoma.
- Wait, are you a virgin?
- I, um, I have had sex with a girl once.
- As soon as you start doing
whatever the fuck you wanna do,
be creative, the better.
- Someday my princess is gonna come,
but when that day happens,
I'm gonna fuckin' straight tap
that shit for a whole week.
'Cause, man, right now I'm
fuckin' about to blow, dude.
- [Cat] Hey, can I paint you?
- What?
- Can I paint you?
- Like, paint on, like,
a canvas, like, me?
- [Cat] Yeah.
(sanguine music)
(tense unsettling music)
(April sighs)
(phone dings)
- Yes.
(phone dings)
(phone dings)
(phone dings)
Fuck.
- [Narrator] April is the
daughter of a four-time divorcee
and an emotionally and
physically absent father.
Her mother's best friend,
confidant and keeper.
April matured at a very young age,
putting her at odds with
her less self-aware peers,
causing her to struggle with
interpersonal relationships
and vulnerability.
Something she is working on
with her new boyfriend, Doug.
With each new husband,
April's mother pushed her to
treat them like her own father,
complete with affection,
subservience and a slew of compliments,
creating a resentment in
April for fake people,
tuning her radar for bullshit,
and ingraining a deep-seated
skepticism for all things.
She studied communications in college
for lack of a better direction,
but when a friend invited
her to an improv class,
April finally found the
childhood play outlet
she had been longing for.
- So what are you auditioning for?
- I'm auditioning for Jade in
"Funky Gold Black Tar Heroin."
- Cool.
Uh, me too.
- Oh.
- If that makes you uncomfortable,
I can just see if, you
know, Charlie or Beth
or who's around?
- No, no, it's fine.
I mean, we're all, we're all adults here.
No, no need for competition and...
And they'll probably be
such different takes.
- [Cat] Yeah, totally.
- [April] Okay.
- [Cat] And rolling.
(April sighs)
Take your time.
- What are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna lick this pussy?
Wait, uh, can we start over?
- Yeah, yeah, totally.
And we're rolling again.
(April sighs)
- What are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna pussy?
Can we maybe just start
from the second scene first?
- Who are you?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, like, what's
your character backstory?
- Well, there wasn't
much in the breakdown,
so I just assumed that she
was a girl from a broken home.
Drugs, daddy issues.
She was probably raped at 13
and never got the help that she needed.
So she went down this
path of self-destruction.
She never really knew who she was.
So that's what brought her
to today with Rudy and Vance.
Why she's about to cut
them for this heroin,
why she'll OD in the last scene.
- You've created too much separation
between yourself and the character.
You said she'll OD.
She, she, she. Not I.
- I just don't want too
many voices in my head.
- I think this character's
a lot more close
to the real you than you think.
Like, this character is you,
just under a little bit
different circumstances, right?
Are you close with your family?
- Um, what do you mean? I
mean, I'm close with my mom.
She's my best friend.
- You mean you're her babysitter?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
And, uh, what about this, Doug?
Is he satisfying you?
There's just a piece of you
that's been long left neglected.
- What does this have
to do with my character?
- Jade is April Landers
if April Landers had had a really hot
and cool boyfriend named Rod.
When you were 18 and he was 25
and you wanna impress him so bad,
'cause you really do have daddy issues.
- I do?
- Yeah, because you had no
one there for you in your life
when you were sad and lonely.
Because you tried to
tell your mommy, right?
You tried to tell her,
but what did she do?
She just walked away.
So then what did you do?
You tried to make up for the
relationships in your life
with men like Rod.
Mix in the heroin.
The heroin will never
fucking let you down, right?
Not like mommy, not like
daddy, not like Rod.
These motherfuckers right here are trying
to take away the only thing
that helps you drop out.
The only thing that doesn't
fucking let you down.
(April sobbing)
(camera beeps)
And begin.
(April groans)
- And what are you looking
at, you fucking bitch?
You wanna lick this pussy?
You wanna suck on this
tiny puckered up butthole?
Well, fuck you.
Fuck all of you.
H is my family now.
H is my home.
So gimme that fucking little baggie
before I cut all you motherfuckers,
and walk out of here
like I never knew you.
(camera beeps)
- I think we got that one.
- [April] Yeah.
- So you said find an outlet, right?
This is my dance. I wanna show it to you.
This is a manifestation
of my inner turmoil.
Lights.
(melancholic dance music)
I feel so free in tragedy
And catastrophe's sweet company
- [Narrator] In that moment,
Cat, aka Pamela Lewis,
thought about what it would've been like
to have real parents and
healthy mentors growing up.
Like what she was for Charlie.
But in the ghettos of
Oklahoma where oil and Jesus
reigned supreme over
education and healthcare,
it just didn't work out that way.
Her teachers didn't get paid
enough to make a living,
hated their jobs, stressed about money,
their own loss potential,
never made enough to get out.
Take it out on students eyeballing you,
trying to catch you slipping,
talk down to you like you're
stupid, making you give up,
making you stupid.
No vocabulary to articulate yourself.
Who can learn from somebody
who's got it out for you?
Metal detectors, drug dogs,
kids in gangs, drunk and high.
Try to blend in. Slide by.
No money to get out.
Take a puff and a swig
and try to escape the fact
that you're fucked by the system.
Find a mentor.
They give you knowledge
in exchange for sex.
Look for God.
Nobody's there but crooks.
They want your last dime.
Say it's for God, their
God, the right God.
No chance.
See behind the curtain enough
and you can make your own racket.
- Dear Jesus,
I hope I make you proud.
Please let this party be really fun
and help me be better
friends with my roommates.
Please let Daniel be there
and help me book a life-changing role.
Only if it's your will, of course.
I just wanna live a life
that's pleasing to you.
- [God] You want to live a
life that's pleasing to me?
- Yes, Father, more than anything.
Father, what would you like me to do?
Are you there?
(sobbing) Please be there.
I don't wanna be alone anymore.
(Beth sobs)
Nobody loves me.
(Beth sobbing)
Please be there.
(Beth screams and moans)
(Beth screaming)
(Beth shuddering)
(tense menacing music)
- [Daniel] Tonight's gonna go really well.
I think it's gonna be really
good, as long, well...
- Have a good time, man.
- I will. You do too.
But also, please don't
screw this up for me.
- Don't screw this up for you, huh?
- Uh-huh.
- God, don't fucking screw this up for me.
- Well, don't swear.
And also, I'm not talking
about smooching the
ladies, all, all right?
I'm talking about saving
their immortal souls.
- You don't know what
you're talking about, okay?
Neither did Joseph Smith.
He's a rambling man.
Just like Hank Williams.
Just like Bob Dylan.
Just like every hobo from here to Hoboken.
- I think you're a rambling
man. You're rambling right now.
- Oh, good.
Maybe I'll find a way
to get rich off of it.
Turn me into a rockstar
and I'll emerge like Jesus, you know?
You know, with this Jesus dick?
- I don't mean that.
Please, just let me get
through my spiel, huh?
- No one wants to hear your spiel, dude.
(doorbell rings)
(Daniel muttering)
- Hi. Uh, oh, no.
I think we're okay.
- Ah, Jehova.
- Yeah. Well, I mean, not really.
We're Mormons. It's different.
A lot of people make that
mistake actually. Hello.
(Beth laughing)
- Ah, so do you boys live in Del City?
- Yep, old Del.
- Del shitty.
- Cat, you're from here, right?
- [Cat] Yep, left a few years back.
- Did you leave for acting?
- [Cat] Well, I left to find
more open-minded people.
- Did you find them?
- I found that the open-minded
can also be small minded.
Then I found spirituality
and took a real deep dive.
I was actually pretty sold for a while,
until I realized it was
all a crock of shit,
and I should probably just find an angle.
- [Beth] Interesting.
- So what is your angle?
- [Cat] If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Then beat 'em at their own game.
- Who do you need to beat?
- [Cat] The world.
- Yes. The world is full of sin.
- You know, you might want
to think about changing
up your look.
- Daniel.
- If you want to convert.
- He's right.
If you wanna join 'em, you gotta blend in.
A mask of sanity in order
to convert the masses.
Believe me, I'm working
on a rebranding of sorts.
- Well, I like to think
that it's important
to have a tradition with God.
You know, without God
there would be anarchy.
- Or just science.
- People need a moral compass.
Um, you know, like Jesus Christ.
- Yes, Jesus's example helps to save us
from ourselves and our sinful natures.
- Yeah, uh, but, like,
there's, uh, also, you know,
people that just want to be good people.
You know, the Bible can
be used to sway people
to agendas, you know?
- But not the Book of Mormon.
- Whoa there, brother.
You're talking nonsense
now. I mean, quit it.
- I once met a spirit in the Black Hills
who said all things we devote our time to,
whether it be religions, spirituality,
or just eating yourselves to death,
are just time sucking rabbit holes.
And then all life will
go on no matter what
you devote your time to.
We're all gonna be dust anyways.
- Yeah, I mean, you know, when life began
on the star planet Kolob...
(Beth chuckles)
- Kolob? Daniel, you are so funny.
Oh my god. (laughing)
- Yep. That's Daniel.
He says some pretty wild things
to get a rise out of people
sometimes, don't you?
- Well, that's fancy.
- That was a Scientology parting gift.
I felt that I was deserving of
a severance package of sorts.
- [Leader] The blood is in here.
(sharp discordant music)
- From grapes that have burst
forth from their mother's womb
at the very edge of angst and frustration
to live a new kind of existence.
Foregoing death as
wasted fruits on the vine
bled out slowly from pure
skin like a slaughtered lamb,
grown from fields of lovers
in orgies, death and doom.
It cries out to be drunk
until its final drop
is returned to a new womb.
A new seed to begin again.
It always finds a way.
Drink me at your own risk, for this night,
I will reap what they
sowed to the last drop.
Ba-da-da-da-da. Drink responsibly.
- Well, cheers.
To Cat and her new home,
to love and confidence.
- To Doug, to my career, my cosmic hope.
(April grunts)
- To the blood of the lamb.
And to God's will.
- To spiritual revelations.
(Daniel sighs)
(glass shatters)
- Why?
- To drama for stories supreme.
- No one's forcing you to do anything.
- You forced me.
You forced me to think about
things and now I'm ruined.
- What didn't you wanna think about?
- My life, the world, the truth.
- Because without it, what?
You've gotta find something
new to believe in. Is that it?
- No, without it, I've
wasted my whole life.
I don't have other stuff.
You have other stuff.
I don't have other stuff. I've
spent 22 years only on this.
And without this, I'm nothing.
Without this, I'm a, I'm a fraud.
Like these people.
- Speak for yourself.
I never pretended to believe in anything.
- You're the biggest fraud of all.
Your whole job is pretending.
- Relax, Daniel.
- I can't just relax. I'm not like you.
I can't just relax when I know
that there's nothing, when I know,
I know that there's nothing.
I know you guys are right.
I know the world doesn't mean anything
and that we're all gonna die.
And that, that none of
what we do here matters.
I know that.
(Daniel sighs)
(head thuds)
- Be still, Daniel.
(Daniel clears throat)
- I'd like to apologize to all of you
for ruining your evening.
- Daniel.
- Well, should we play a game?
(mellow synth music)
Max on the box
(Charlie muttering)
- Come on. You can dance for me.
Max on the box
He don't care about your thoughts
You don't feel what you feel
April.
- No. (laughing)
- [Cat] Come on, my girl.
- I can't. I can't.
Okay, I will.
I don't need your shot shots
(Cat laughs)
- What are you laughing at?
- You smell like a 40 year old man.
(Cat chuckles)
(synth music continues)
All right, Jed, let's see it.
Max on the box
Makin' my thoughts into your thoughts
All right.
Into mine
Max on the box
Making my thoughts into your thoughts
Into your thoughts
Barrels of fire
- We have charades.
We, remember what we-
- That's, like, a kid's game.
- What? No, it's fun for every, everyone.
Okay, I'll go first.
You ready?
Okay, this is a good one. Okay.
- Occupation.
- Yeah.
- Two words. Second word.
- Can't we at least play
some music in the background?
Or are we just gonna sit
here staring at each other?
- Hmm.
- Driving?
- Drive.
- Driver.
- It's not an occupation. It's a movie.
- What?
- It's a movie.
You've never seen "Taxi Driver?"
- What do you mean?
- You're an actor.
I don't understand actors
that don't watch movies.
- I, I love movies.
- Well, then watch 'em.
- I don't know why you're
being such a dick right now.
- I'm not being a dick.
I'm just being honest.
God, that's the problem
with Midwestern people.
They can't take criticism.
That's why you guys never advance.
Y'all are all just sitting
around letting each other suck.
- I don't suck. You're just drunk.
- Well...
No mentor is perfect.
- Mentor?
- Yeah, what'd you think
I was, your girlfriend?
- No.
- Charlie, don't be like that.
Dude, you gotta let your skin toughen up.
- You don't care about what
people think about you?
- I don't have to pray for some comedian
to come take over my body. (scoffs)
Loser.
- Where does this stuff come from?
- I just sort of feel it and
free-write what comes to me.
- You just feel it?
You just, is that what everyone does?
They just feel it and
then they write it down
and then someone else
decides that it's true
and that's how we all got here?
- Maybe. Does it matter?
- Does it matter?
I'm sorry.
- If it makes you a better
person, does it matter?
- I don't, I don't know.
I'm really confused. I'm doing really bad.
I shouldn't have drank that
wine. I'm a real piece of turd.
- Jesus drank wine.
- That doesn't make it right.
- They give it away at communion.
- Isn't that, like, sacrament?
- [Beth] Open your mouth.
- What?
- I'm gonna show you
how we take communion.
- Okay.
(cracker crunching)
I feel like you've done this before.
- Maybe I'm just a natural.
To the blood.
- (sighs) To the, to the blood.
(Daniel groans)
- Okay.
(April sighs)
I'm not doing that.
- Why not?
- Because I hate that guy.
- Why?
- Because he's a two bit
hack that steals jokes.
That's why.
(gentle ominous music)
I'm gonna go call Doug.
I got a lot of shit I gotta do tomorrow.
Goodnight.
- Who doesn't like Neil Hamburger?
You know what? Fuck it.
Let's just go drink for
drink with the accident game.
- What's the accident game?
(Charlie retching)
(Charlie coughs)
Fucking stupid,
fat fucking half girl.
Fuck you.
(Charlie shuddering)
(gasping) I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck what you think.
(Charlie groans)
- What's it like to walk
into a room dick first?
- God, you have such a way
with words. You know that?
- Do I?
- Yeah.
I mean, the things you say,
they're, like, brilliant
little treasure nuggets
that, and I don't know,
they just make you seem
like somebody special.
- Like Jesus?
- Or Manson.
I haven't really figured it out yet.
- Well, the only thing
that separates the prophet
from the man, man,
is that one can hold it
together better in public.
- So you don't believe in any religion?
Is that possible if you
believe in poltergeists?
- I dunno.
If there's a God, I mean, if,
I think it's probably more
like a goddess energy,
quantum God kind of thing.
More than any of that,
I believe in myself.
- I believe in you too.
- I'm serious.
I have this repetitive dream.
I'm leading masses of people to safety
in the zombie apocalypse.
- Zombie apocalypse?
- It's not always a zombie apocalypse.
Sometimes it's vampires
or Nazis, or pedophiles,
or just monsters.
I teach them how to
escape and then I show 'em
how to defend themselves.
Masses and masses of people.
I think it's my destiny.
- [Jedediah] I'd follow you to safety.
- Would you?
- [Jedediah] I'd follow you anywhere.
- Why, 'cause pretty soon
you'll be excommunicated?
(Jedediah laughs)
- [Jedediah] Yeah.
But also because you
sound like a pied piper.
(tense discordant music)
- [April] I just needed to
book it for myself, you know?
- Come on, baby.
Maybe you just dodged a huge bullet
and you don't even know it.
- I just can't fucking
believe Cat got the part.
Fucking bitch. She sabotaged me.
Do you know how that feels?
To be manipulated by someone you trusted?
I let her get in my head.
Now I keep hearing her voice.
I don't, I don't know who I am anymore.
- [Doug] You'll always be my superstar.
(Daniel groans)
(blankets rustling)
(bed creaking)
(legs thudding)
(door creaking)
- Really?
You're gonna take my
virginity and just sneak out?
- Um, okay.
Uh, first of all, I don't
think it's really fair
for you to say that I took your virginity.
If anything, you threw it at me
and I just sort of caught it.
So if anybody took anything from anybody,
it's you taking it from me.
And also, second of all,
yes, I'm sneaking out.
I don't know what to do.
We weren't trained for this,
um, so I was gonna sneak out,
but now I'm just regular
leaving, which I apologize about.
- Oh, God.
- Also, this isn't me
converting to Catholicism.
I, I, I don't know how
you guys count that,
but please don't count me in this, so, so.
- Nobody thought you were but fine.
- That's actually a huge relief.
Should, should I leave money?
- What?
- I don't know, for offering or damages?
- Oh my...
- Yeah.
- Get out.
- Yep, yep, okay.
- Get out.
- I, I appreciate it. Great night.
It was, it was nice to meet you.
(flame crackling)
- She's gotta go.
- She's fucked up.
- Yeah, she sabotaged my audition
so she could book my role.
- Yeah, well...
She took a shit
in my underwear.
- And she also did some
really sexual things with me,
with paint and weed and linseed oil.
And I don't even know what happened.
- And there's no fucking
way she doesn't use dishes.
- She's possessed by a demon.
- What?
- She brought a demon into this house
and said it was a ghost
that was already here.
But it's not. It's her.
And she's been turning us into heathens.
- Yeah, okay. But what do we do?
Do we kick her out?
- Yeah, I can't. But if you wanna do it.
- An exorcism.
That's what we need to do.
- Fuck, man. Okay.
Okay.
(door thuds)
(ominous music)
- By the powers of our Lord Jesus Christ,
may you be snatched away,
most cunning serpents.
Our most high God commands you.
He with whom in all of your insolence,
you still claim to be equal.
- Wait, is, is this a scene?
Are, are you guys filming right now?
- God the Father commands you.
God the Son commands you.
The Holy Ghost commands you.
- Wow, good job, Beth.
- It's not a scene. I'm trying
to rid you of your demons.
- Oh, not even Christ
himself could do that.
Nice try though. (chuckles)
- She's trying to fix you, asshole.
- Why am I an asshole?
- You sabotaged my audition.
- I thought you were gay.
- You turned us all to sin.
The sacred sign of the cross commands you.
The blood of the martyrs
and the intercession of all
the saints commands you.
Thus, curse the dragon.
And you, diabolical legions.
Be gone, Satan.
(gentle eerie music)
(wind whooshing)
Gimme a smoke.
Got a light?
- [Sonya] (scoffs) Wait a
second, this really happened?
- Which part?
- [Sonya] Basically
everything after the party.
- I'm not proud of it.
- [Sonya] But you all tied
up one of your roommates
after a party because one of you suggested
she might be possessed?
- Are you shaming me?
- [Sonya] I, I, I'm just
trying to wrap my head
around all this and get it straight.
So your other roommate,
the redheaded April,
she was actually possessed by a demon.
- Well, not actually a demon.
I mean, just, just let me finish. Goddog.
- My name's Mario.
(demonic voice uttering)
What? You've never heard of me?
Here, I got one.
(audience claps)
San Francisco.
You know, this is my favorite
spot in the Bay Area.
It's been my favorite
spot since the 1980s.
That's how long I've
been touring the circuit.
Huh? Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Who doesn't like a good fish joke?
Two fish in a tank.
One fish says to the other,
"Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Shark eats a clownfish, "Hey,
it tastes kind of funny."
Speaking of funny, you know
where fish keep their money?
In a river bank.
Shark's favorite movie? "Shar-shank."
Say I'm trying to get
in touch with a fish.
Hmm, why don't you drop him a line?
How about a fish with a
tie? Very so-fish-ticated.
You know, fish swim in salt water
because the pepper makes 'em sneeze.
Hey, what's going on with
that shellfish over there?
I don't know. Somebody call
the clambulance, please.
(audience laughs)
Fish walks into a bar. Bartender
says, "What can I get you?"
The fish says" Water. I need water."
Easiest way to catch a fish,
have your buddy throw one to you.
Say, anybody in the audience
have the, uh, fish sandwich?
Fish sandwich. Fish sandwich.
You get a fish sandwich?
I can do a mean party trick.
This broad knows what I'm talking about.
Hey, nice set of pearls.
It's a fish thing.
(audience laughs)
- This is fucking weird.
- [Narrator] So after
the poltergeist Mario
was done with his set,
all of the roommates were
in such a state of shock,
they had no response.
- I hadn't seen this one before.
- [Narrator] They treated the possession
as though it was normal
living as roommates stuff.
- And then we just
started living with Mario,
as sort of fifth roommate that
just happened to share a room
with April from then on.
- Oh, I got along great with Mario.
He also came from a strict
Catholic upbringing.
(bright uplifting music)
- I don't know if I'd say
Mario is my best friend.
I think that honor still goes to Jed
just because of our history.
But I've definitely never
connected with anyone
like I've connected with Mario.
I mean, we, we talk about
comedy all the time.
He's shown me a lot of
stuff from when he was alive
that I never would've seen.
He's really helped me sort
of hone my voice in a,
in a way that I, I don't think
I would've done without him.
- [Sonya] So what about your roommate Cat?
- Mm, well, I guess, you know,
Mario kind of took all the attention
in the house after that.
He was just such a character.
And then Cat kind of
fell through the cracks,
which she was okay with.
I mean, especially after the exorcism.
And she just kept saying
she was writing a manifesto.
And then a month later,
she was just...
Gone.
(doorbell rings)
- Hi.
- [Beth] Can I help you?
- Um, I made it. (laughs)
What a drive.
Oh, I am Cat Carol.
Willa? I talked to her on Facebook.
And she's letting me sublease her room
while she's out of town.
I already paid for the last few months,
but it took me a while to get here
because I ended up booking this gig in LA
playing a heroin addict.
So we had to shoot for a while
and, but I'm, I'm here now.
Willa said you all would be expecting me?
- I like your flowers on your face.
- [Cat] Thanks.
- Your room's this way.
- [Sonya] So how do you feel now?
- Um, I've been completely
out of my body ever since.
Uh, I've been talking to
my parents about going
to a center or a facility to
get some professional help.
It's just a little...
- I feel surprisingly at
peace about the whole thing.
- [Sonya] Do you believe in Patricia Lewis
even after she conned you?
- Like I said, it was like a brothel.
Acting is like prostitution.
Women just putting themselves out there.
Giving themselves away for just a taste.
And Jesus loved prostitutes. You know why?
Because they don't let
persecution and judges
get in the way of doing the Lord's work.
It's what real artists do.
- David Lynch, Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
That guy from "The Aviator."
- The what?
- Goddamn it.
All I'm saying is the
sooner you start doing
whatever the fuck you want
and stop worrying about
everybody else, the better.
(upbeat rock music)
Don't talk to strangers
They'll get you while you're down
Follow your instincts
Just let it all hang out
Although you hold his hand
You're wandering all about
You know you have to go
For 1,500 miles
It's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right
Don't talk to strangers
They'll take it all away
Come to your senses
Step out of the rain
(upbeat rock music continues)
It's gonna be all right
It's gonna be all right
Ooh ooh ooh
Don't talk to strangers
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Don't talk to strangers
Ooh ooh ooh
(music fades)