Chrissy Judy (2022) Movie Script
1
So, when you're applying this
color,
you really want to follow
the natural crease,
of your eyelid.
I know this is a vibrant look,
but with your complexion
you're going to turn some heads.
I'll just take this up to the
counter
and then when you're finished
shopping, will ring you up.
Hello, ma'am.
May I help you?
Oh no, I'm fine, thank you.
Bitch, put that back.
Chrissy,
Judy.
You're gonna make us late.
Well, let me finish the sale and
we can go.
You don't owe these people shit.
Yeah, well, they owe me a
paycheck.
I'm keeping this as a ransom
and swiping a new item
every minute till you're ready
to leave.
Tick tock.
Pssss...
Oooo... Fancy!
No, no, no. A blouse. I'm
a blouse.
A what?
It's a feminine top.
Like.
Wait, a blouse?
Forget it.
I thought you were a bottom.
A death drop bottom.
Oh, yes, yes. I'm quite
versatile.
Wait. What? What does that even
mean?
What is...
What is a death drop bottom?
I don't douche.
Ewwww!
That's disgusting. She's over
here painting.
- That's disgusting!
- Are you serious?
What?
- Miss Chrissy.
We agreed. No phones.
- Someone got that puts on
lockdown?
No!
Yes. Shawn.
- Oh.
- Wait. Seriously?
- Who?
- Philadelphia.
Again?
OK, everyone needs to calm the
fuck down.
- Give me my phone back.
- It's like watching. Carrie and Big.
More like Steve and Miranda.
No, because Steve is so fucking
hot.
- No, I just mean, she's a Miranda.
- Enough of all of this bullshit.
I'm not a Miranda.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
- She's a Miranda.
- I'm putting my phone away!
- We love you baby.
- Judy.
Judy. Judy.
My friend ended up buying that
and B&B in P-Town.
Oh.
So if you want to go up this
summer, he's looking to...
hire a house boy.
Oh. I thought that you were gonna
say he's looking for a husband.
Umm. Hmm. Washing...
Washing sheets,
scrubbing toilets, making beds?
No, thank you. No, no.
Besides, I think Judy's a little
old for the title of House Boy.
Excuse me!
House Woman.
House Auntie.
House Hag.
- House Hag!
- Watch it!
- House Frau?
- House Frau...
Poppers for your pillow.
You left a stain on the sheets!
But girl, you have been talking about
having a summer show in P-Town for years.
So just work for Jay's friend,
gig at nigh and make connections.
- Bingo.
We will get up there
when the timing's right.
Without having to wash lube-
stained sheets.
- But thank you.
- All right.
Listen,
onto more important topics of
conversation.
Have we seen any cute boys
on the island this weekend?
Also, what is the vibe?
Are we feeling like a
pool party moment? Or...
Actually, uh...
Lucas and I were talking, and
we're thinking that it's actually
just because things got a
little out of hand last year.
- We thought...
Oh right. Ladies,
- no tricks.
- Yes.
- Right?
- I am in favor of that.
- Excuse me!
Why the fuck were you looking
directly at me when you said that?
I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
But rightfully so.
Y'all are already makin' me share a
bed with this ho. Ain't no room for tricks.
She's pressed like a fresh
juice.
Are you two fuckin' faggots
gonna follow that rule?
- We don't have to.
Couples don't have tricks,
- they have guests.
- Thank you.
Oh my god.
- That was rehearsed for tea.
- Sign the book and leave!
Hey, Chrissy Spacek.
I'm just texting him to tell him
that I will text him later.
Oof! Honey, he is not worth the
effort.
Nobody asked you.
- Ooo. Judy's over here, afraid of
losing her little codependent Chrissy.
We are not codependent.
She's not going anywhere.
I want to kiss a boy this
weekend.
I know you do, baby girl.
I... Ooh.
Hey. Hi.
Hello there!
He couldn't hear me.
Oh, he couldn't?
How you doing, baby girl?
[ club music]
You're my favorite person.
If we were the only two people left
on earth, I would be fine with that.
Can I kiss you?
I just need to kiss a boy.
We're gonna be famous.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, can't you feel it, girl?
A show in the pines.
By this time next summer, we're
going to have that residency in P-Town.
And then what?
I don't know.
You should dance with my friend.
Oh, Chrissy Chrissy Chrissy.
We're keeping our pact.
No, no, no, no, no. That ship
has sailed.
That's what we agreed on.
When we were twenty-two and we
thought that thirty was old.
Okay, fine. Forty.
Forty. Forty. Forty. Forty.
Chrissy Christina Barcelona.
Okay. Okay, okay.
If we're still single at forty,
god forbid, we can get married.
But we'll sleep with other
people.
Naturally.
There's a cute boy behind you.
I know.
You're a mess, and I love you.
And I love you, too.
So much.
[ jazz piano]
- Oh, Judy, I can't do this.
I'm so tired of being broke.
Oh, come on now Chrissy, we got
this.
Let's bring it home.
In the winter.
In this summer.
Don't we have fun?
Times are bum
And gettin bummer
Still, we have fun.
There's nothing surer
The rich get rich
and the poor get poorer
In the meantime. In between
time
Ain't we got fun!
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you!
- I'm Chrissy Snow.
- And I'm Judy Blu'em.
Thank you for making our first
performance in Fire Island so fabulous.
If you like our show, you can catch us
at V-Lounge in Chelsea on May 30th.
Or in your father's bedroom
every weekend.
- Have a great night ladies and gentlemen.
- We love you!
Oh, dear. Oh.
Tuesdays.
Oh. Good show, bitch.
Jesus. Fuck. My leg.
Oh. Ooh.
Oof.
All right.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Oh, my God.
Hey, what are you doing?
We are not de-dragging.
We need to go back out there.
Network. Schmooze.
Get another gig here.
- They loved the show, baby
girl.
All ten of those people in
the audience love that show.
You can go and schmooze.
But I am going back to the house.
Oh, come on.
We only get to exist in these
gay enclaves a few nights a year.
- Judy.
Fine.
So, listen, real quick about
tomorrow.
- Look.
- I've been trying to find
a time to talk with you.
I know I said I'd stay for the day,
but I need to be on the 8 a.m. ferry.
You're joking.
I'm sorry.
Look, I've been trying to find a
time
to talk with you about this.
Uhm.
You know, Shawn and I, we are.
Back on the merry-go-round.
We're trying to figure out
what the possibility of a future
looks like for us if we want
to continue dating, which I do.
And we decided what makes
the most sense for us right now
is that we be closer in
proximity.
So tomorrow I'm meeting with
H.R.
to put in a request to transfer
it to the Philadelphia store.
You're gonna commute to Philly
for work?
Now, Judy, I'm moving there.
Fuck off.
I'm sorry for springing it on
you like this.
I just didn't want to say anything before
the show, and I was going to tell you...
Oh, my God.
Are you serious?
When?
The first.
Like, next week, the first?
I know that this seems like
it's coming out of left field,
but it is something that Shawn and I
have been talking about for a while.
And I thought that I would wait
until the end of the summer,
but my lease is up, and he
asked me to come and stay.
I'm sorry. Your moving in with
Shawn?
Yeah.
It's something he suggested,
and we want to try it.
What about our gigs?
I need to take a little break.
For how long?
I don't know.
OK, I need a couple of months.
We have the lounge next week.
Judy you are brilliant,
and you don't need me.
It's the Chrissy Judy show.
What the fuck am I gonna do
alone on stage for two hours?
- It's a shitty gig that barely.
- Two hundred bucks.
That we split!
- Plus tips!
It could turn into a
weekly thing. That's...
- That's exposure.
- And then what are we gonna do?
Judy, I'm...
- I want financial stability.
I want to buy a house someday.
I want to travel.
I want to have a boyfriend.
Look, performing with you is so
much fun.
I really love it.
But how much longer are we gonna
keep spinning our wheels on this?
I thought...
That was the plan.
I think this is going
to be a really great opportunity
to regroup
and for me to see what happens
when I shift my priorities.
Priorities with Shawn in
Philadelphia.
- Judy.
- You're going to hate it there.
- Judy!
I'm sorry for bringing it up
like this, but I'm really excited
and I want you to be happy for
me.
You know what?
I think I'm actually going
to stick around, have a drink.
Can you just take all this shit
back to the house for me?
Yeah, sure.
- Yeah?
- Oh, fuck. Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Television show]
"Find what you're looking for?"
"Yes, Tina, I did."
[Television show]
I need the TV on so I can sleep.
I know.
Is this "Murder She Wrote?"
[train announcement]
[laughter]
Oh, hey.
How was your getaway?
Oh, you know, fabulous.
Booze. Boys. Debauchery.
Yas Queen!
How about you? How was your
weekend?
Uh, dropped some molls at Gov
Ball.
Oh, exotic.
It was crazy.
I'll bet. I'm just going to.
Oh, I hate to be annoying, but I
still haven't gotten utilities from you.
Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. How much
was it?
Eighty-three.
Okay.
Well, can you just Venmo me?
I think I have cash id that's
easier.
I'd rather have a receipt of
payment.
Sure, I'll do that right now.
Thanks.
He we have more wine if you
want!
He never wants to hang out.
I swear to God,
if I have to sit through another one of
these like "Women In Tech" conferences.
Oh, there's no coffee in iced
tea bar. Regular, Raspberry.
And there's sweetener on the
right.
Yeah. No, I'm gonna kill myself
before this is over.
No, it's fine.
I just have a meeting at, like,
4:30.
It's fine.
Sometimes I wonder why
they don't just put signs.
I they did we'd be out of a job.
Hmm. That makes sense.
I'm Brent, by the way.
Sorry for all the questions.
This is only my third shift.
- Oh, welcome.
- Thanks.
I don't know how long I'll be
doing this for, anyway.
I have a really big audition
today.
You don't say.
Have you heard of the Ogunquit?
In Maine?
Well, they're doing "Hello,
Dolly" with Sally Struthers this fall
and my final callback today.
Are you an actor?
Oh, God, no.
Oh. What do you do?
When you're not here?
[ jazz piano ]
After you've gone and left me
crying
After you've gone. There's no
denying
You'll feel blue. You'll feel
sad
You'll miss the bestest
pal you ever had
There'll come a time,
now don't forget it.
There'll come a time
when you'll regret it
Oh, baby
Think what you doing
My love for you is gonna
drive me to ruin
After you've gone
After you've gone away
After you've gone
And left me crying
After you've gone
There's no denying
Oh, baby
Think what you're doing
I'm going to haunt you, so
I'm gonna taunt you, so
It's gonna drive you to ruin
After you've gone
After you've gone away
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, my.
The treachery of the stairs.
I made it.
Oh, thank you so much for that.
Oh! Why hello kind sir.
Oh, I've never felt so loved...
and so cheap in my whole life.
Thank you.
Oh, barkeep,
I'm sorry I'm a little parched.
Taking a little break here.
Where's your other half?
That's a great question.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen.
My performance was so electric,
so entertaining that it has
moved this man to sit at the bar
and crack open a book.
What do we got here?
Oh! "Dancer from the Dance"
Handsome and well-read.
Tugging at my heart strings.
Are you actually reading that, or
are you just some kind of a serial killer
here to lure your next victim?
Serial killer.
Oh, my!
What's the matter, not your
type?
And what does it say about me
that I am really turned on right now?
Didn't think I'd pick on
you back here, huh stud?
You single?
- No.
- No, no, of course not.
And I'm sure your boyfriend is
just gorgeous, isn't he?
He is.
Well, how nice for the both of
you.
- You know, I'm sorry. Do you mind?
- Oh, fuck off buddy.
It's a drag show.
Not the goddamn New York Public
Library.
Oh.
Well, thank you for letting me
take a moment to wet my whistle.
Ladies and gentlemen, for my
next number,
I'll be doing a little diddy that
we haven't heard since 1949.
First sung by Ann Margaret...
[ phone buzzing ]
[ door knocking ]
Hi, uhm...
Since it was just you,
I'm only paying you half.
That's totally fair.
I'm really sorry about Chrissy.
Who? Oh.
Listen, next week, I was
thinking.
I'm not really sure what we're
doing.
It's dead here in the summer,
and.
OK. Maybe we could do, like, an
every other week kind of thing then?
Or I could bring in some other
dolls.
Let's talk about it in the fall.
Sure.
Listen sweetheart, the girls today,
they dance... to current music.
Maybe work on something like
that.
OK.
Drinks on me at the bar.
Thanks, Phill.
Hey, girl.
I'm just calling to see how it
went.
I'm sure you slayed it.
Hey, can I get a shot of...
Anything. I don't care what.
Is anybody sitting here?
No. All yours.
Thank you.
You here alone tonight?
Yeah.
I just needed to get out of the
house, and this place is usually dead.
You're telling me.
Can I get another one?
You want one? On me.
Uh, sure.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, uhm...
Does your boyfriend know you
let strangers buy your drinks?
What makes you think I have a
boyfriend?
You don't recognize me, do you?
Uh, no. Sorry.
Have we met?
If you don't remember.
I just want to thank you
for making me feel so worthless
during my performance tonight
you fucking sociopath.
Excuse me.
Enjoy the book, sweetheart.
It's a good one.
Oh, my God.
- Shut the fuck up, you ugly fucking cunt.
- Oh, my God.
- Gordy.
- Oh, no. It's Samoa now.
- Fabulous. Like the cookie or the dog?
- Like the island.
Wonderful.
You look amazing.
I did not recognize you. This
hair!
Thank you.
It is so random running into
you.
- It's been too long.
- Yes, I know.
What is your life? What is happening
here? And what's with the luggage?
Oh, well, you know, just carrying
around all the bad habits of my past.
Dark. Fuck, I have missed you.
Oh, do you know Slade and Sierra
Rose?
- Hi. I'm Judy.
- Hey. Hi.
Oh, are you going to Disco
Barbarella?
That place in the corner?
Yes, Queen, you have you
not been? It is the living end.
OK. Whew.
What's happening? What is this?
I just have this feeling wash over me that
this tragic evening was about to blossom
into one of those really incredible,
serendipitous New York nights.
Is she on shrooms?
Girl, I am so totally with you.
Faggots. How long are we doing
this?
I'm good. Let's go. Oh, there
was a really long line out front.
Oh, sweetie, that's cute. No, no
lines.
No lines.
Of course.
[ club music ]
I'm having a little intimate
gathering at my place next week.
You should come.
- Oh my...
- Honey, no. That's assault.
But then, sometimes I
feel like I must be fucked up
cause I've never had a
boyfriend.
Then I'm like, I don't really
want a boyfriend right now.
You know? Like, what I want
is to be alone
with someone.
Do you know what I mean?
- Hey, you good buddy?
No, no. I'm fine. Honestly...
I'm thriving.
At five, six, seven, eight walk,
one.
Hit four, five, six, seven,
eight.
Flip. Good.
One, two, three, four.
Walk one, two, three, hit four.
Good. Last group.
And five, six, seven, eight.
Go one, two... five, six...
Blondie, you need Beginner Hip
Hop before you hop back in here.
I need heels class. I'm a drag
queen.
You sure about that?
And cat, cat, seven, eight.
Great!
Good. Good. Alright,
great class everybody.
[ laughter ]
Hey, it's me, uhm...
Just calling to say hi.
See how things are going.
Yeah, give me a call back
when you get this.
This guy.
I mean, we're all on this planet
to become the people
that we're meant to be.
And if you don't envision who
that person
is, you will never become them,
right?
Like manifesting is so real.
Do you vision board?
Should I? Oh God, I should.
Yes. Oh, my God. Yes.
When I started, my business took
off.
Are you still making that
jewelry?
- Soap.
- Fabulous.
Yeah, I know. Honestly, I
count my blessings every day.
It is just so amazing to me to think
that you created all of this from nothing.
Yeah, I mean, my parents own the
building, but the rest is me.
Oh.
Do you smoke?
Uhm... I'm good.
- Joint?
Oh.
No. I'm trying to get back.
God, why?
I'm trying to hustle.
I'm working on this new solo
act.
Oh, my God.
I'm such a dumb bitch.
Ask and you shall receive.
Why don't you perform
at Mattachine next month?
OK, I'll just show up in drag.
No, I'm serious. I'll tell Miss
Rose to get you on the list.
Wait, you really think they'd
have me?
Oh, yeah. They love weird shit.
Don't you like sing or
something?
Or something? Yeah,
I think I'm looking for an
opener for Charlamagne.
Who's that?
This trans girl who makes
martinis with her pussy.
She's great.
There. Done.
Simple.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
That's so amazing. The machine.
That's, like, too cool for me.
Oh, my God. You have to ditch
this negative energy babe.
You're insecurities are boring.
My insecurities
are boring.
I cannot tell you how grateful
I am that we're reconnecting.
Oh, my God. Me too.
You know, the older I get,
the more I realize how essential
it is to have queer friends.
Yes. Yes! I have virtually no straight
male or female friends anymore.
God, me neither. I mean, they're
lovely.
I'd be dead if it wasn't for
my girls when I was younger.
But as an adult, I need queer people
around as guideposts for survival.
It's like being a refugee in a country
where I kind of know the language,
but I'd rather coexist with
people from my native country.
Safe spaces.
Wow. That was really deep.
Yeah. Also, there's a boy
coming over later.
His name is Marcus. Touch
him and I'll fucking kill you.
Oh yeah, Mhm. Girl Scout's
honor.
Yeah, he has a boyfriend, but you know
how these boys are today. They're all open.
I know. It's like, what's the
point of even having a boyfriend?
Love and companionship.
Duh.
- Right. That.
God, I really shouldn't.
The roof is where the real party
is.
Oh, oh hey. Hi baby.
Hi gorgeous.
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
Good. Can you help me
get these people to the roof?
Yes. Do you mind if I grab a
drink first?
Oh, yeah. The good stuff is
downstairs.
- OK, thank you.
- Yep.
Homosexuals go dance.
Thank you so much.
Nope.
Or like, you know. Yeah, yeah.
And then like... yes.
Get your hair, like...
- Hi baby. How are you?
- Great. How are you?
I'm good. Having a little
photoshoot?
Hi. How you doin'?
Alright, I don't want to
interrupt.
OK.
That guy is a life coach.
Yeah, me too.
Saturated market these days.
Tell me about it.
Hence your performance at
V-Lounge?
A girl's gotta eat.
Sorry, I probably owe you an
apology.
I was just having a really bad
night.
Oh, no, no, it's all good.
I got a free drink out of it.
Oh, good.
Marcus.
Judy.
Seriously? Come on, what's your
name?
It's Judy.
Man, you queens in your names.
I cannot keep up.
Oh, I would rather be a
nickname-gay than a full-name gay.
Marcussss, was it?
Alright, you get points
for having a personality.
Oh, thank you.
God, this is so terrifying.
What happens to these guys,
like, in another five or ten years?
I guess they just go into real
estate?
I think he'll go to the same
place they send old drag queens.
You know, our host told us
not to engage with you
and I think I'm going to take
that advice.
I need a refresher?
- So you're in Wicked?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going great.
- That's great.
- Yeah, it's been a great show so far.
Are you like one of the
munchkins or...?
Wow, your social media is a
mess.
I'm not good at that kind of
stuff.
Promoting yourself? Isn't
that half the job of a performer?
I'm an artist.
Yikes.
Sorry to hear that.
I'm not your standard
like a run-of-the-mill
drag brunch bingo queen. I'm...
I'm the next Jim Bailey.
Oh. So you're a drag queen
that doesn't work.
OK, Mr. PR, spin it.
I'm your new client.
Tell me, what should I be
doing to promote myself?
I mean, well, first of all, your
name.
Oh, my God. You're obsessed with
my name.
It doesn't make any sense.
Judy Blu'em.
Like the OG YA author, but also
like...
-No no, I get it.
I mean, it doesn't make sense
for your character.
Right? So, like, your whole show,
you do old jazz standards, and
you know, try to evoke a time
gone by.
That's what you should be promoting.
You know, cause Judy Blume...
Oof, she is a mess.
I mean, come on.
Bad sex jokes, flirting with the
crowd.
Yeah, you don't do that very
well.
I have my moments. Thank you.
Who's this other queen?
That's just a friend of mine, we
don't really work together anymore.
Oh, gotcha.
Well, then it sounds like a
good time for a fresh start.
Yeah.
Originally, I was thinking of
calling myself Sweet Lorraine
because I love that jazz standard, and
it was my mom's nickname growing up.
And you went with Judy Blu'em?
All my friends call me Judy, and
I just...
I don't know, I went with it once at
Halloween and it just sort of stuck.
Yeah.
I mean, it sounds like a
lot of thought went into that.
- I still stand by Judy.
Shit.
You don't smoke, do you?
I know where we can get some.
Why does that not surprise me?
You know, I know you meant that as a
compliment, so I'm going to take it as one.
Come on. Follow me.
Helloooo?
Oh, what the fuck?
I know. Isn't it hilarious?
I used to keep my weed in an
empty deodorant stick.
Sit. Sit.
Have at it.
Thank you pre-roll.
So Samoa told you not to engage
with me?
Oh, yeah. She's a fan.
Yeah, I know.
And your boyfriend...?
David.
David. Where's he?
He's a flight attendant,
so he travels a lot.
Oh, OK.
Absence makes heart grow fonder?
- It helps.
- Yeah.
So what about you? No boyfriend
for you?
Oh, no.
So all these single guys here and
you spent the last hour talking to me?
These single guys?
Yes. I'm a businesswoman.
I just got a free marketing
consultation.
Plus... I don't know.
I like talking to guys with
boyfriends,
I'm not putting myself in a position
to be rejected, so I can just...
I don't know. Be myself.
And what if the guy with the
boyfriend makes a move?
Well...
I guess that's up to the
guy with the boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't do this.
Right, David. And Samoa.
No, I still don't know your real
name.
Oh, my God.
It's James.
James?
James. Francis O'Neal. The
third.
My family calls me Frankie.
I absolutely hate it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that doesn't quite fit.
Mmm, no. Hence...
Francis.
OK, got it, dude.
Yeah, she's my favorite.
Mystery solved.
Hi. What the fuck?
Hey, gorgeous.
Ah, sorry.
We needed to steal some of your
weed.
OK, you could have just asked.
Right.
Yeah, totally understand.
So sorry.
OK. So...
Get the fuck out.
Yeah.
Cool.
Uhm, Mattachine's canceled,
babe.
Samoa, I'm so sorry.
No, don't girl.
Come here.
No, no, no, no, no. I...
I want you to come.
I want you to come first.
I already did.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no. Yeah, that's' fine.
- Are you sure?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's cool.
I just.
I'm not going to be able to...
OK.
So sexy.
Me? You.
[ phone buzzing ]
I'm going to go back to the
party.
- Did you to get that?
- No, sorry.
I think I should go though.
- Oh, you sure?
- Mhm.
OK, uhm. Well, I got your
number.
Cool.
What up playa?
- Hi.
Oh, my God. It's
so good to hear your voice.
I'm like the worst friend.
I keep missing your texts.
- It's fine.
How are you? How's Philly?
When are you coming back?
Philly is great.
I don't hate me, but I was actually
in the city on Friday for work.
Girl, why didn't you tell me?
I would have met up with you.
- I know. It's been a total
whirlwind.
Everything is...
What?
Honestly, everything is great.
Good.
We have so much to catch up on.
I feel like I've been here
for six months already.
What about you?
- What are you doing right now?
I am currently sitting in a closet
with cum dripping out of my asshole.
Judy.
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm at this rooftop party.
Fabulous, as always.
You know how I do.
I miss you, girl.
I miss you, too.
Listen, Shawn is desperate to
meet you.
We want to have you come down.
I don't know if you have plans
for the 4th of July weekend,
but we're going to this barbecue,
and it's actually looking like it's
going to be a really fun
weekend.
We'd love to have you come down.
That sounds like fun.
- Yeah?
I'm going to be doing drag
for the first time
that Friday night in Philly, and
I'd love to have your support.
Bitch, what? You are doing drag?
No, it's dumb. It's just a
charity thing.
If you have a gig that night, don't
even give it a second thought, obviously.
No, no, no gigs.
I'm just kind of like working on
my solo act right now, you know.
Networking.
Taking some dance classes.
Revamping my social media.
I'm really happy to hear that.
Yeah, things are really great
here, too.
Oh, God, I hate to do this.
I've got to run.
I just wanted to catch up really
quickly.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
If you think you can make it.
Yes, I will.
I will be there.
Yeah, OK. I'll text you the
deets.
It's really good to hear your
voice, Judy.
You too.
Bye, baby girl.
[ excited laughter ]
Hi. Welcome to Philadelphia!
Oh, my God. It's so cute here.
- Hi.
- It's so great to finally meet you.
And then we get out on the street,
and this queen is running for her life,
with one heel!
Screaming, "Officer! Officer!"
I thought he was a real cop!
I also love that I thought the guy
in booty shorts and like, a crop tee,
was a real cop.
Well, he was wearing aviator
glasses, and I guess that fits in like...
I was like, "Honey arrest me."
This charity organization's
great.
But there's actually some stuff
you're gonna be able to help out with.
CHRISSY.
- And Shawn will introduce you to people.
JUDY.
- Perfect, I'm here to help.
- What up, Philly?
How are you doing out there?
That's what's up y'all.
Welcome to Philly Gay Bingo...
I know it's silly, but it helps the
guest to know who's a volunteer.
Honestly, I have a purse that
would been fabulous with this.
DRAG QUEEN.
- We're raising money for people
- living with HIV and AIDS,
so let's turn those pockets out.
Are you ready, y'all?
Right in front of you, we have
some fierce little plastic dobbers...
So, what do you say?
Want to have a contest?
See who can sell the most
tickets tonight?
Oh, God.
- What's the winner get?
- Bragging rights.
How about OK?
How about if I win,
I get to take Chrissy to brunch
tomorrow.
Solo.
Done.
Down.
Alright. Let's do this!
- Are you ready?
[ cheering ]
I said "Are you ready?"
[ cheering ]
- "B" What do we have? B-2.
[ audience chatter ]
Isn't this a riot?
Girl, all I see is
stubble and kitten heels.
Be nice. They're pretty.
They are gorgeous.
This hair... looked better on me.
Yeah, well, I made it, and it's
mine.
Hi. Are you having fun?
- Stud?
Can I have an arm's length?
Oh, you got it, sweetheart.
- How's that?
- Yeah, OK.
- BINGO! BINGO!
Ladies and homosexuals,
this is our favorite new girl,
so I need you all to be real
nice.
If you want to be. Let's
give it up for Chrissy Snow.
Oh, hello, Philadelphia.
Thank you.
I am so happy to be here with
you tonight.
This number goes out
to all of those good Judys.
Thank god for them, right?
Hit it!
Thank you for being a friend
Travel down the road and back
again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant
[ deafening whistle rings ]
- Let me take this stuff.
Hey, great job.
Oh, thanks.
Girl, I heard you paint.
You should come by sometime.
Oh, maybe next month.
Think about it.
OK.
No winners?
- No.
- Sorry!
[ Grindr chirp ]
[ Grindr chirp ]
Ohh. There are some mens here.
I'm a visual learner.
Ah. So she's not on the apps.
Of course I'm not.
[ door knocks ]
Judy, I'm gonna hit the hay.
Thanks again for your help tonight.
I still think you cheated.
I want my solo brunch.
Next time for sure.
You were great tonight, Chris.
Night.
Nice game, Chris.
- So "Masc 4 Masc"
- Shut up.
He is not.
Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy.
OK, I'm going to go to bed.
Oh, excuse me.
- No.
- I'm tired.
It's not even midnight.
The well has been dry all day.
I need some Chrissy time and
some wine.
I just had really long show.
Need I remind you,
I took a bus to get here.
The Greyhound.
What you got in that fridge
downstairs?
- I've got some bubbly stuff.
- Uh huh. That's what I thought.
Be right back.
I don't know.
I have some things in the
medicine cabinet.
We've got a lamp together last
week.
A lamp. Oh, my God.
What is happening?
He has a guest room, Judy.
This whole room...
This is for guests.
This is a luxury.
And we're just throwing around
the boyfriend title, so soon.
There was no official
conversation.
He just started
introducing me as his boyfriend.
I heard.
So... yes.
He's very matter of fact.
"This is my boyfriend, Chris." So
I'm like, OK, I guess we're boyfriend.
Yeah, his whole vibe is like,
very like, teddy bear total top.
Oh, God. The dick is good girl.
Oh.
I mean, he definitely has his
routine that he likes to stick to,
but I'll get him to
switch it up eventually.
As long as you're satisfied.
Are you happier here?
What's that supposed to mean?
Are you happier here than
you were in New York?
I mean, it's different.
There are things that I miss,
but.
I feel like I'm supposed
to be here right now.
Think you'll ever move back?
I never thought it'd leave
in the first place.
Me neither.
All right, well,
I love you,
- But now I'm going to go to sleep.
- Fine.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Chrissy?
What?
Is he just gonna like,
follow you into your room or...?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- He usually sleeps in here.
Dash. Come here.
- Dash.
- Come here.
- Dash!
- Come on, boy.
I'm sorry honey.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Such a good boy.
[ dog whimpering ]
[ dog whimpering ]
Come on.
- Oh my God. This place is gorgeous.
- They did a really good job.
- You should have seen it
before.
Hey. Happy 4th!
- Good to see you.
- Hi guys.
Before we take one more step,
we have some news.
Oh, my God. Finally.
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
- That's so exciting.
- Hi. I am so happy you're here.
Thank you for having me. I
really appreciate the invitation.
Oh, my God, your house is
absolutely amazing.
- Did you make that?
- I did make it. Do you like strawberries?
I love strawberries.
These are my favorite pieces.
Aren't they fabulous? So
mid-century.
I pulled them out of the
garbage. Javier hates them.
But you know what?
- If I had bought these these at
Brimfield.
- Are you getting bit?
- It's your cologne.
How much longer till we get to the
part of the tour where there's a bar?
Do you need mustard for your hot
dogs?
Javi, where's the mustard?
Actually, I'd love a drink.
Oh, where are my manners? I'm
sorry.
- I can't believe I didn't get you a drink.
- Judy's not shy.
Well, what would you like?
- Do you have any alcohol?
- Lots.
- I'll have that.
- Oh, my soul mate.
Come inside.
I'll show you the kitchen
renovations we did.
Hi, Ed. How are you?
This is James.
This is Chris's friends.
Oh, it's Judy.
Ed just moved in next door.
He's an architect from the city.
Sorry, they love me.
It's part of the charm of this
place.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
Thanks.
It used to be marshlands
until maybe a hundred years ago.
And then they built a dam,
and now it's all cranberry bogs.
I like cranberry, though, so
I was happy about it.
Thanksgiving
is, like, my favorite holiday.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You a fan.
I like the cranberry sauce, not
the family part of Thanksgiving.
Oh, I don't agree.
- So I've really got into
birdwatching lately.
Now, I haven't spotted one yet.
- So, it's more like bird
hearing.
- Wait, did you hear that?
- I hear there's bald eagles around here
so I've been listening for a bald eagles,
so then I can see it.
You know, we're very glad
that Chris has moved down here.
I think him and Shawn make
such a good pair, don't you think?
Yeah.
I mean, it must be so
hard dating in New York.
I know so many guys that just
move down here and immediately
get snatched up like that.
Yeah, I don't really follow
heteronormative dating patterns,
so I couldn't tell you.
I feel like all the gay guys I know
in relationships are pretty miserable.
Have you tried any of this?
Yeah, it was delicious.
Yeah, it looks amazing.
I have to get the recipe for
this.
What is it?
It's just Sara Lee with cool
whip and berries on top.
OK, well, the presentation is
gorgeous.
Would you excuse me?
Yeah, sure.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You left me.
Oh, I'm sorry. Shawn is
going to get us some water.
Do you want some?
You know, I would love another
one of those bourbon iced tea thingys.
Why don't you have some water?
Bourbon. Thanks.
Sure.
Sure thing.
Thank you.
What the fuck?
You just left me in there with,
Mr. Personality.
What? He's sweet.
He's boring.
Well, Javi and Brad thought
that you two might hit it off.
You're joking.
He's really smart.
He has a great job,
and he owns two houses.
Would you fuck him?
Juldy, don't be tacky.
Relationships are about more
than sex.
It's kind of a big part of it.
OK, well, if you don't want to
talk to him, you don't have to.
They just thought...
Thought what? That I want to
move out here
and get set up with some boring
guy who lives in Philadelphia.
And then what? I'd move out here
and live happily ever after like you?
Judy, don't start.
I'm a marsh creature. I live
here now.
OK, these are new friends.
Could you please not do that
here?
Oh, my God. It's not fucking
meth, girl.
I'm sure everybody here has
smoked a little weed before.
We've been here for one hour
and you're already a mess.
Oh, I am not.
[ coughing ]
Here we are.
Smells like someone's having a
good time.
Thank you. I sure am Shawn,
would you like to have a little fun too?
No, thanks. Should we make
our way down to the lake?
Yeah, that's a fantastic idea.
Delightful.
- Everything OK?
- No.
But we have to allow these
neighborhoods to gentrify.
Actually, studies prove it does
nothing to promote economic growth.
What's the alternative?
To let the neighborhoods rot?
Well, we need legislation.
How? How? It's. It's
un-American.
Honestly, it's the same thing we saw in
Bushwick and Williamsburg ten years ago.
- You mind taking our photo?
My phones underneath that towel?
I'm sorry. Are you actually trying to
compare New York to Philadelphia?
In terms of urban development.
No. Philadelphia, I mean,
no offense it's cute, but like...
Well, okay. Hey now.
She's been here one day
and already she's an expert.
You've been here a month, girl.
Wait till the honeymoon ends.
Yo!
Judy.
What? You're in the lake.
You don't want to get wet?
Why don't you go drink some
water?
I'm curious to hear more what
you have to about Philadelphia.
Judy.
Well, first of all, I think everyone here
is a little overweight and talks funny.
Judy!
- Hey!
- Stop being such a cunt.
Uh oh! Here comes Chrissy's
friend to expose the cracks
in her carefully manicured
reality.
I wouldn't want to ruin another picture
of you and "this guy" for the Gram.
- We need to get her out of here.
- Yeah.
It's just funny,
because I know the real story.
I was there the last time they ended
things. You remember what you said?
He said Shawn wasn't good
enough.
- Did you know they tried dating
before this?
Yeah, twice.
Although, why would you? Cause it's
not like Shawn ever posts pictures of Chris.
I hardly post anything on social
media.
- Oh, you don't? How noble.
Do you still want your picture?
No!
Yes. You know what?
Get a picture of this!
- No, Judy.
Don't!
[ splash ]
Ow! Fuck. It's really shallow
here.
OK, it's time to go.
You guys, I am so sorry.
You do not have to apologize for
me.
Don't touch me.
OK. We need to get you changed,
and we need to get you sobered
up,
and we need to leave.
I am so sick and tired of everyone
telling me what I need to do,
what I should be doing, to be happy,
to be successful, to find my path.
I see the way you look at me.
Thinking I'll be alone forever.
Just some sad, old faggot
still dressing up like a woman
and you hate the thought of that
cause, you know it could just as easily
be you. And that fucking terrifies you.
Well, you don't have to
worry about me, ok?
I like my life the way it is.
It's fucking fabulous.
- Stop.
Go back to your friends.
I'm going to call a car.
You can't get a car out here.
We're in New Jersey.
I want my person back.
When did you start acting like all
these people used to make fun of?
Do you think I'm stupid?
You think I don't know what
you mean when you say that
you want to take some time off
to shift your priorities?
You quit.
You gave up everything,
and for what, Shawn?
You gave up your life in New
York,
your apartment, your job.
You walked out on me.
You completely derailed my
career.
God! Judy!
Get over yourself.
I've never met a more
selfish human in my entire life.
You think you're the main
character.
You think every decision I make
is somehow about you?
It's not.
Every question you ask me,
every underlying thought is
somehow,
"But what about me?"
Well, you know what, Judy?
It's not about you.
I want you
to be the best version of
yourself.
I want you to
have the life that you dream of.
But I'm not responsible
for helping you get there.
I'm not responsible for
carrying you along the way.
Oh, carrying me?
Carrying me?
Everything that I did, I did for
us.
You did nothing but hold me
back.
You're delusional.
Well at least you're finally
being honest with me.
Judy. Take care of yourself.
Captain wants you passing.
Hey.
Sweetie, the bathroom is a mess.
And you were late on the rent
again.
I think we need to have a conversation
about this living arrangement.
Yeah.
I agree.
Whoa, duplex.
Yeah, I like it here.
I don't usually host so I'm gonna
have to abide by some rules.
Oooh. OK. Let me guess.
No sleepovers.
Yup.
And no fucking on the bed.
Mhm.
Anything else?
That about covers it.
Oh, oh, yes.
Oh, you're handsome.
Get on your knees.
What?
Get on your knees.
On the chair.
- Oh, OK.
- There you go.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Fuck.
Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, you needed that to
take this big dick?
Fuck, yeah.
Yeah, is that what you wanted?
Oh, yeah. I did.
Fuck. So bad.
Fuck, your hole is so tight.
Yeah? Fuck. Tighter than your
boyfriend's?
Don't. Don't do that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we were just like...
Shit.
You didn't clean out?
Oh. Fuck. I'm sorry.
Do you have any, like, paper
towels or...?
Yeah.
Clean up down here.
I'm going to go upstairs
and take a shower.
[ shower runs ]
[ shower runs ]
What are you doing?
There's a ton of cabs on 10th
Avenue. You'll be OK getting home?
Yeah.
Bye.
[ clippers buzzing ]
I don't care if you're just answering
the phone and taking reservations.
Day starts at 7 a.m. Sharp.
Of course.
Continental Breakfast gets laid
out, then you start cleaning the rooms.
There are seven of
them, plus staff quarters.
It's not too many, so I'd like
to get it all done before noon.
OK, I understand.
Pedro, show you the ropes.
We have mostly gay men who stay
here,
you know, so I like the staff to
be
presentable and approachable,
but not available.
No drugs, no drinking on premises,
and absolutely no bringing boys home.
That won't be an issue.
Well, that's what the last
guy said before I fired him.
Luckily, you come highly
recommended.
I promise you won't
have any issues with me.
Wait, I thought we were supposed
to shock the hot tub every day.
I never do that.
Well, you look amazing.
Thirty's not old.
- Uhm. Kind of.
- No. It's not.
PEDRO: Well, it's not young.
JUDY: Oh! And she would know!
PEDRO: You look great.
JUDY: I know I do.
Thank you.
Keep smokin' them cigarettes, you'll
look as good as me when you're my age.
Shut up!
I can't believe you said that!
I only speak the truth.
Oh. Shit.
Guys.
Are there any rooms open?
Yeah, room number three.
Go.
Perfect. Let's go.
And don't forget to wash
the sheets when you're done.
Yeah, we have an open mic night
at eight
and you can do whatever
you want for five minutes.
Perfect.
They call her hard hearted
Hannah
That's right.
Vamp of Savannah
Meanest gal in town
Now, leather is tough
but Hannah's heart is tougher
Oh, yes. She a gal who
likes to see men suffer
To tease 'em
to thrill 'em
To torture and kill 'em
Is her delight they say
I saw Hannah at the seashore
with a great big pan
Pourin' water on a drownin'
man
She's hard hearted Hannah
The vamp of Savannah G.A.
[ applause ]
TOWNIE: Ma'am!
JUDY: As I live and breathe.
Are you doing Showgirls tonight?
It's the last one of the season
I wouldn't miss it.
- You know, I'll be rooting for you.
- Thank you. I appreciate that.
We need to see you back here
next summer.
- You need to have a solo show to yourself.
- I'm working on it.
If I get a solo show, am I going
to get you on stage with me?
Oh, my God.
Give me a couple of gin rummies
and maybe a Cher song on
the radio and I'll think about it.
Ho, we can do that for you.
Oh, my God. OK,
you have fun sweetheart.
- Thanks Doll, you have a great day.
- Oh, I will.
You look stunning.
Thank you.
Can I steal some of your
contour?
Oh, you didn't have to
butter me up to ask me that.
- Thank you, I'll bring it right back.
- You're welcome.
Just keep it. And next time put it
on before you blend your highlighter.
Drag moms are such a drag.
I am not your drag mother.
- Yes, you are.
Hey, could you look up
someone on Instagram for me?
- Can you get the app on your
phone?
It's not good for me.
- Fine.
It's umm, ChrissySnowKween.
Queen is with a KW?
Is that an ex or something?
It's just someone
I thought I saw in town today.
They're private.
OK.
That's fine. Thanks.
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY:
How are you guys doing tonight?
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: Oh, not good
enough.
You got to tell me how
you're really doing tonight.
Let's hear it right now.
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: Let's rock it. Hit
it.
She doesn't curse
She doesn't smoke
She doesn't even drink
That's what they whispered
'bout me 'fore I started showin' pink
But then one day,
I ran across a PTown magazine
and saw that they were running
shots of every other queen
My blood runs cold
My gingham, "Cause
Showgirls is a centerfold
Showgirls is a centerfold!
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: The musicality!
The commitment!
No! Nooo! And scene.
[ audience cheers ]
Well that was interesting.
[ audience laughs ]
But hey...
Get ready for this brand new
act.
She's been working so hard this
summer, and I am so proud to have her
I want a big round of applause,
please
for the one and only Miss Sweet
Lorraine!
Let's hear it!
[ audience cheers ]
Bye Baby
See you around
Didn't I tell you I wouldn't
hold you down
Take care of yourself you hear
Don't let me hear about you
shedding a tear
You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
Remember me
As a sunny day
That you once had
Along the way
Didn't I inspire you a little
higher?
Remember me as a funny clown That
made you laugh when you were down
Didn't I boy? Didn't I boy?
Remember me as a big balloon
at a carnival that ended too soon
Remember me as a breath of
spring
Remember me as a good thing
Bye baby
See you around
Already know about that
new love you found
What can I do but wish you
well?
What we had was really swell
I won't forget it No, no.
I have no regrets
Remember me as a sound of
laughter
And my face
The morning after
Didn't the sky beckon us to
fly?
Yes you'll remember
the times we fought
But don't forget me
in your tender thoughts
Please, darling
Oh, yeah
Remember me when you drink the
wine
of sweet success
I gave you my best
Remember me with every song
you sing
Remember me as a good thing
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY
Sweet Lorraine! Let's hear it!
[ audience cheers ]
TOWNIE: Sensational!
Sensational. Baby the summer is
over. You killed it!
- The summer's yours.
- No, you killed it honey you always...
- Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch!
- Oh hello. Hi handsome.
- Can I get a picture?
- Of course.
You were stunning!
Miss Congeniality, though.
Ain't that some shit?
Oh, thank you so much.
Have a night... I love you!
Have a good night.
[ TV show plays ]
Not you watching
Golden Girls on your last night.
It was "Murder She Wrote".
Well, tonight's the last Fag
Bash.
I'm packing.
Mhm. Wasn't it you that told me that
people come here to create art, heal...
get into trouble?
That's just what some old queen
told me when I was your age.
You're my old queen.
God, I really wish they would
put locks on these doors.
I haven't seen you get into
any trouble this summer.
You're coming out with me.
It's eleven o'clock!
Get out of bed!
No, no, no! Stop!
You're coming.
Fine.
Yeah.
I hate youth.
[ club music ]
[ ocean waves ]
CHRISSY: Hi.
JUDY: Hi.
Hi.
You were fabulous tonight,
Sweet Lorraine.
- I love it.
- Thanks.
I wanted to say hi.
You had an entourage.
I saw you on your bike
yesterday.
Yeah, I saw you on yours.
I texted Jay and Lucas.
They said you moved up here
for the summer.
Yeah,
I took that job at their
friend's B&B.
They had an opening this season
and it...
It's uhm...
It's been a really great summer.
I can tell.
The stars are so bright.
I know.
Did you go out to celebrate
after?
- I went to Fag Bash for a
little.
It's actually, it's my last
night, so I just wanted to...
take a stroll,
say goodbye to the town. You
know.
You headed back to New York?
Mhm. 10 AM ferry.
Me, too.
And then Philly.
Where's Shawn?
He didn't have any vacation days
left,
and I just...
needed a weekend.
Nice.
I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?
Did you want to just...
No, no, no.
I was...
It's funny, I kind of thought
I might find you out here.
Same.
I come out here all the time.
And every time I'm here I think
about that night that we were rolling.
And we saw the foxes just
playing around on the beach and...
we had convinced ourselves
that that fox was, like,
us in some other dimension of
reality.
- Like, just frolicking...
- Judy!
- Oh, my God.
Hi.
- Do you think that's the same
little guy?
Look, I have been thinking about
you
a lot, and
I'm sorry...
for cutting you off there, I
just...
No, I...
I deserved it.
I was awful.
- No, even before the lake
house,
I didn't handle things well at all
with the move and with leaving you.
It's, really, it's... it's fine.
I think...
I think being apart has been
really good for me.
It seems like it.
So what's next?
I have no idea.
Scary.
Hey. Girl...
I don't know either.
I'm starting to realize.
I think it's just...
always going to be that way.
I was going to walk out a little
bit,
maybe stay up and watch
the sun rise, if you wanted to...
I think I just want to go back to my
room and call Shawn and... crash.
Yeah. OK.
I'm really glad I got to see
you.
Me too.
EMCEE: Ladies and gentleman
here again, Sweet Lorraine.
[ audience applause ]
What'll I do
When you are far away
And I am blue
What'll I do?
What'll I do
When I am
wondering how
you feel just now
What'll I do?
What'll I do
with just your photograph
To tell my troubles to
When I'm alone
With only
dreams of you
That won't come true
What'll I do?
[ audience applause ]
[ ocean waves ]
So, when you're applying this
color,
you really want to follow
the natural crease,
of your eyelid.
I know this is a vibrant look,
but with your complexion
you're going to turn some heads.
I'll just take this up to the
counter
and then when you're finished
shopping, will ring you up.
Hello, ma'am.
May I help you?
Oh no, I'm fine, thank you.
Bitch, put that back.
Chrissy,
Judy.
You're gonna make us late.
Well, let me finish the sale and
we can go.
You don't owe these people shit.
Yeah, well, they owe me a
paycheck.
I'm keeping this as a ransom
and swiping a new item
every minute till you're ready
to leave.
Tick tock.
Pssss...
Oooo... Fancy!
No, no, no. A blouse. I'm
a blouse.
A what?
It's a feminine top.
Like.
Wait, a blouse?
Forget it.
I thought you were a bottom.
A death drop bottom.
Oh, yes, yes. I'm quite
versatile.
Wait. What? What does that even
mean?
What is...
What is a death drop bottom?
I don't douche.
Ewwww!
That's disgusting. She's over
here painting.
- That's disgusting!
- Are you serious?
What?
- Miss Chrissy.
We agreed. No phones.
- Someone got that puts on
lockdown?
No!
Yes. Shawn.
- Oh.
- Wait. Seriously?
- Who?
- Philadelphia.
Again?
OK, everyone needs to calm the
fuck down.
- Give me my phone back.
- It's like watching. Carrie and Big.
More like Steve and Miranda.
No, because Steve is so fucking
hot.
- No, I just mean, she's a Miranda.
- Enough of all of this bullshit.
I'm not a Miranda.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
- She's a Miranda.
- I'm putting my phone away!
- We love you baby.
- Judy.
Judy. Judy.
My friend ended up buying that
and B&B in P-Town.
Oh.
So if you want to go up this
summer, he's looking to...
hire a house boy.
Oh. I thought that you were gonna
say he's looking for a husband.
Umm. Hmm. Washing...
Washing sheets,
scrubbing toilets, making beds?
No, thank you. No, no.
Besides, I think Judy's a little
old for the title of House Boy.
Excuse me!
House Woman.
House Auntie.
House Hag.
- House Hag!
- Watch it!
- House Frau?
- House Frau...
Poppers for your pillow.
You left a stain on the sheets!
But girl, you have been talking about
having a summer show in P-Town for years.
So just work for Jay's friend,
gig at nigh and make connections.
- Bingo.
We will get up there
when the timing's right.
Without having to wash lube-
stained sheets.
- But thank you.
- All right.
Listen,
onto more important topics of
conversation.
Have we seen any cute boys
on the island this weekend?
Also, what is the vibe?
Are we feeling like a
pool party moment? Or...
Actually, uh...
Lucas and I were talking, and
we're thinking that it's actually
just because things got a
little out of hand last year.
- We thought...
Oh right. Ladies,
- no tricks.
- Yes.
- Right?
- I am in favor of that.
- Excuse me!
Why the fuck were you looking
directly at me when you said that?
I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
But rightfully so.
Y'all are already makin' me share a
bed with this ho. Ain't no room for tricks.
She's pressed like a fresh
juice.
Are you two fuckin' faggots
gonna follow that rule?
- We don't have to.
Couples don't have tricks,
- they have guests.
- Thank you.
Oh my god.
- That was rehearsed for tea.
- Sign the book and leave!
Hey, Chrissy Spacek.
I'm just texting him to tell him
that I will text him later.
Oof! Honey, he is not worth the
effort.
Nobody asked you.
- Ooo. Judy's over here, afraid of
losing her little codependent Chrissy.
We are not codependent.
She's not going anywhere.
I want to kiss a boy this
weekend.
I know you do, baby girl.
I... Ooh.
Hey. Hi.
Hello there!
He couldn't hear me.
Oh, he couldn't?
How you doing, baby girl?
[ club music]
You're my favorite person.
If we were the only two people left
on earth, I would be fine with that.
Can I kiss you?
I just need to kiss a boy.
We're gonna be famous.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, can't you feel it, girl?
A show in the pines.
By this time next summer, we're
going to have that residency in P-Town.
And then what?
I don't know.
You should dance with my friend.
Oh, Chrissy Chrissy Chrissy.
We're keeping our pact.
No, no, no, no, no. That ship
has sailed.
That's what we agreed on.
When we were twenty-two and we
thought that thirty was old.
Okay, fine. Forty.
Forty. Forty. Forty. Forty.
Chrissy Christina Barcelona.
Okay. Okay, okay.
If we're still single at forty,
god forbid, we can get married.
But we'll sleep with other
people.
Naturally.
There's a cute boy behind you.
I know.
You're a mess, and I love you.
And I love you, too.
So much.
[ jazz piano]
- Oh, Judy, I can't do this.
I'm so tired of being broke.
Oh, come on now Chrissy, we got
this.
Let's bring it home.
In the winter.
In this summer.
Don't we have fun?
Times are bum
And gettin bummer
Still, we have fun.
There's nothing surer
The rich get rich
and the poor get poorer
In the meantime. In between
time
Ain't we got fun!
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you!
- I'm Chrissy Snow.
- And I'm Judy Blu'em.
Thank you for making our first
performance in Fire Island so fabulous.
If you like our show, you can catch us
at V-Lounge in Chelsea on May 30th.
Or in your father's bedroom
every weekend.
- Have a great night ladies and gentlemen.
- We love you!
Oh, dear. Oh.
Tuesdays.
Oh. Good show, bitch.
Jesus. Fuck. My leg.
Oh. Ooh.
Oof.
All right.
Not bad.
Not bad.
Oh, my God.
Hey, what are you doing?
We are not de-dragging.
We need to go back out there.
Network. Schmooze.
Get another gig here.
- They loved the show, baby
girl.
All ten of those people in
the audience love that show.
You can go and schmooze.
But I am going back to the house.
Oh, come on.
We only get to exist in these
gay enclaves a few nights a year.
- Judy.
Fine.
So, listen, real quick about
tomorrow.
- Look.
- I've been trying to find
a time to talk with you.
I know I said I'd stay for the day,
but I need to be on the 8 a.m. ferry.
You're joking.
I'm sorry.
Look, I've been trying to find a
time
to talk with you about this.
Uhm.
You know, Shawn and I, we are.
Back on the merry-go-round.
We're trying to figure out
what the possibility of a future
looks like for us if we want
to continue dating, which I do.
And we decided what makes
the most sense for us right now
is that we be closer in
proximity.
So tomorrow I'm meeting with
H.R.
to put in a request to transfer
it to the Philadelphia store.
You're gonna commute to Philly
for work?
Now, Judy, I'm moving there.
Fuck off.
I'm sorry for springing it on
you like this.
I just didn't want to say anything before
the show, and I was going to tell you...
Oh, my God.
Are you serious?
When?
The first.
Like, next week, the first?
I know that this seems like
it's coming out of left field,
but it is something that Shawn and I
have been talking about for a while.
And I thought that I would wait
until the end of the summer,
but my lease is up, and he
asked me to come and stay.
I'm sorry. Your moving in with
Shawn?
Yeah.
It's something he suggested,
and we want to try it.
What about our gigs?
I need to take a little break.
For how long?
I don't know.
OK, I need a couple of months.
We have the lounge next week.
Judy you are brilliant,
and you don't need me.
It's the Chrissy Judy show.
What the fuck am I gonna do
alone on stage for two hours?
- It's a shitty gig that barely.
- Two hundred bucks.
That we split!
- Plus tips!
It could turn into a
weekly thing. That's...
- That's exposure.
- And then what are we gonna do?
Judy, I'm...
- I want financial stability.
I want to buy a house someday.
I want to travel.
I want to have a boyfriend.
Look, performing with you is so
much fun.
I really love it.
But how much longer are we gonna
keep spinning our wheels on this?
I thought...
That was the plan.
I think this is going
to be a really great opportunity
to regroup
and for me to see what happens
when I shift my priorities.
Priorities with Shawn in
Philadelphia.
- Judy.
- You're going to hate it there.
- Judy!
I'm sorry for bringing it up
like this, but I'm really excited
and I want you to be happy for
me.
You know what?
I think I'm actually going
to stick around, have a drink.
Can you just take all this shit
back to the house for me?
Yeah, sure.
- Yeah?
- Oh, fuck. Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Television show]
"Find what you're looking for?"
"Yes, Tina, I did."
[Television show]
I need the TV on so I can sleep.
I know.
Is this "Murder She Wrote?"
[train announcement]
[laughter]
Oh, hey.
How was your getaway?
Oh, you know, fabulous.
Booze. Boys. Debauchery.
Yas Queen!
How about you? How was your
weekend?
Uh, dropped some molls at Gov
Ball.
Oh, exotic.
It was crazy.
I'll bet. I'm just going to.
Oh, I hate to be annoying, but I
still haven't gotten utilities from you.
Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. How much
was it?
Eighty-three.
Okay.
Well, can you just Venmo me?
I think I have cash id that's
easier.
I'd rather have a receipt of
payment.
Sure, I'll do that right now.
Thanks.
He we have more wine if you
want!
He never wants to hang out.
I swear to God,
if I have to sit through another one of
these like "Women In Tech" conferences.
Oh, there's no coffee in iced
tea bar. Regular, Raspberry.
And there's sweetener on the
right.
Yeah. No, I'm gonna kill myself
before this is over.
No, it's fine.
I just have a meeting at, like,
4:30.
It's fine.
Sometimes I wonder why
they don't just put signs.
I they did we'd be out of a job.
Hmm. That makes sense.
I'm Brent, by the way.
Sorry for all the questions.
This is only my third shift.
- Oh, welcome.
- Thanks.
I don't know how long I'll be
doing this for, anyway.
I have a really big audition
today.
You don't say.
Have you heard of the Ogunquit?
In Maine?
Well, they're doing "Hello,
Dolly" with Sally Struthers this fall
and my final callback today.
Are you an actor?
Oh, God, no.
Oh. What do you do?
When you're not here?
[ jazz piano ]
After you've gone and left me
crying
After you've gone. There's no
denying
You'll feel blue. You'll feel
sad
You'll miss the bestest
pal you ever had
There'll come a time,
now don't forget it.
There'll come a time
when you'll regret it
Oh, baby
Think what you doing
My love for you is gonna
drive me to ruin
After you've gone
After you've gone away
After you've gone
And left me crying
After you've gone
There's no denying
Oh, baby
Think what you're doing
I'm going to haunt you, so
I'm gonna taunt you, so
It's gonna drive you to ruin
After you've gone
After you've gone away
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, my.
The treachery of the stairs.
I made it.
Oh, thank you so much for that.
Oh! Why hello kind sir.
Oh, I've never felt so loved...
and so cheap in my whole life.
Thank you.
Oh, barkeep,
I'm sorry I'm a little parched.
Taking a little break here.
Where's your other half?
That's a great question.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen.
My performance was so electric,
so entertaining that it has
moved this man to sit at the bar
and crack open a book.
What do we got here?
Oh! "Dancer from the Dance"
Handsome and well-read.
Tugging at my heart strings.
Are you actually reading that, or
are you just some kind of a serial killer
here to lure your next victim?
Serial killer.
Oh, my!
What's the matter, not your
type?
And what does it say about me
that I am really turned on right now?
Didn't think I'd pick on
you back here, huh stud?
You single?
- No.
- No, no, of course not.
And I'm sure your boyfriend is
just gorgeous, isn't he?
He is.
Well, how nice for the both of
you.
- You know, I'm sorry. Do you mind?
- Oh, fuck off buddy.
It's a drag show.
Not the goddamn New York Public
Library.
Oh.
Well, thank you for letting me
take a moment to wet my whistle.
Ladies and gentlemen, for my
next number,
I'll be doing a little diddy that
we haven't heard since 1949.
First sung by Ann Margaret...
[ phone buzzing ]
[ door knocking ]
Hi, uhm...
Since it was just you,
I'm only paying you half.
That's totally fair.
I'm really sorry about Chrissy.
Who? Oh.
Listen, next week, I was
thinking.
I'm not really sure what we're
doing.
It's dead here in the summer,
and.
OK. Maybe we could do, like, an
every other week kind of thing then?
Or I could bring in some other
dolls.
Let's talk about it in the fall.
Sure.
Listen sweetheart, the girls today,
they dance... to current music.
Maybe work on something like
that.
OK.
Drinks on me at the bar.
Thanks, Phill.
Hey, girl.
I'm just calling to see how it
went.
I'm sure you slayed it.
Hey, can I get a shot of...
Anything. I don't care what.
Is anybody sitting here?
No. All yours.
Thank you.
You here alone tonight?
Yeah.
I just needed to get out of the
house, and this place is usually dead.
You're telling me.
Can I get another one?
You want one? On me.
Uh, sure.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, uhm...
Does your boyfriend know you
let strangers buy your drinks?
What makes you think I have a
boyfriend?
You don't recognize me, do you?
Uh, no. Sorry.
Have we met?
If you don't remember.
I just want to thank you
for making me feel so worthless
during my performance tonight
you fucking sociopath.
Excuse me.
Enjoy the book, sweetheart.
It's a good one.
Oh, my God.
- Shut the fuck up, you ugly fucking cunt.
- Oh, my God.
- Gordy.
- Oh, no. It's Samoa now.
- Fabulous. Like the cookie or the dog?
- Like the island.
Wonderful.
You look amazing.
I did not recognize you. This
hair!
Thank you.
It is so random running into
you.
- It's been too long.
- Yes, I know.
What is your life? What is happening
here? And what's with the luggage?
Oh, well, you know, just carrying
around all the bad habits of my past.
Dark. Fuck, I have missed you.
Oh, do you know Slade and Sierra
Rose?
- Hi. I'm Judy.
- Hey. Hi.
Oh, are you going to Disco
Barbarella?
That place in the corner?
Yes, Queen, you have you
not been? It is the living end.
OK. Whew.
What's happening? What is this?
I just have this feeling wash over me that
this tragic evening was about to blossom
into one of those really incredible,
serendipitous New York nights.
Is she on shrooms?
Girl, I am so totally with you.
Faggots. How long are we doing
this?
I'm good. Let's go. Oh, there
was a really long line out front.
Oh, sweetie, that's cute. No, no
lines.
No lines.
Of course.
[ club music ]
I'm having a little intimate
gathering at my place next week.
You should come.
- Oh my...
- Honey, no. That's assault.
But then, sometimes I
feel like I must be fucked up
cause I've never had a
boyfriend.
Then I'm like, I don't really
want a boyfriend right now.
You know? Like, what I want
is to be alone
with someone.
Do you know what I mean?
- Hey, you good buddy?
No, no. I'm fine. Honestly...
I'm thriving.
At five, six, seven, eight walk,
one.
Hit four, five, six, seven,
eight.
Flip. Good.
One, two, three, four.
Walk one, two, three, hit four.
Good. Last group.
And five, six, seven, eight.
Go one, two... five, six...
Blondie, you need Beginner Hip
Hop before you hop back in here.
I need heels class. I'm a drag
queen.
You sure about that?
And cat, cat, seven, eight.
Great!
Good. Good. Alright,
great class everybody.
[ laughter ]
Hey, it's me, uhm...
Just calling to say hi.
See how things are going.
Yeah, give me a call back
when you get this.
This guy.
I mean, we're all on this planet
to become the people
that we're meant to be.
And if you don't envision who
that person
is, you will never become them,
right?
Like manifesting is so real.
Do you vision board?
Should I? Oh God, I should.
Yes. Oh, my God. Yes.
When I started, my business took
off.
Are you still making that
jewelry?
- Soap.
- Fabulous.
Yeah, I know. Honestly, I
count my blessings every day.
It is just so amazing to me to think
that you created all of this from nothing.
Yeah, I mean, my parents own the
building, but the rest is me.
Oh.
Do you smoke?
Uhm... I'm good.
- Joint?
Oh.
No. I'm trying to get back.
God, why?
I'm trying to hustle.
I'm working on this new solo
act.
Oh, my God.
I'm such a dumb bitch.
Ask and you shall receive.
Why don't you perform
at Mattachine next month?
OK, I'll just show up in drag.
No, I'm serious. I'll tell Miss
Rose to get you on the list.
Wait, you really think they'd
have me?
Oh, yeah. They love weird shit.
Don't you like sing or
something?
Or something? Yeah,
I think I'm looking for an
opener for Charlamagne.
Who's that?
This trans girl who makes
martinis with her pussy.
She's great.
There. Done.
Simple.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
That's so amazing. The machine.
That's, like, too cool for me.
Oh, my God. You have to ditch
this negative energy babe.
You're insecurities are boring.
My insecurities
are boring.
I cannot tell you how grateful
I am that we're reconnecting.
Oh, my God. Me too.
You know, the older I get,
the more I realize how essential
it is to have queer friends.
Yes. Yes! I have virtually no straight
male or female friends anymore.
God, me neither. I mean, they're
lovely.
I'd be dead if it wasn't for
my girls when I was younger.
But as an adult, I need queer people
around as guideposts for survival.
It's like being a refugee in a country
where I kind of know the language,
but I'd rather coexist with
people from my native country.
Safe spaces.
Wow. That was really deep.
Yeah. Also, there's a boy
coming over later.
His name is Marcus. Touch
him and I'll fucking kill you.
Oh yeah, Mhm. Girl Scout's
honor.
Yeah, he has a boyfriend, but you know
how these boys are today. They're all open.
I know. It's like, what's the
point of even having a boyfriend?
Love and companionship.
Duh.
- Right. That.
God, I really shouldn't.
The roof is where the real party
is.
Oh, oh hey. Hi baby.
Hi gorgeous.
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
Good. Can you help me
get these people to the roof?
Yes. Do you mind if I grab a
drink first?
Oh, yeah. The good stuff is
downstairs.
- OK, thank you.
- Yep.
Homosexuals go dance.
Thank you so much.
Nope.
Or like, you know. Yeah, yeah.
And then like... yes.
Get your hair, like...
- Hi baby. How are you?
- Great. How are you?
I'm good. Having a little
photoshoot?
Hi. How you doin'?
Alright, I don't want to
interrupt.
OK.
That guy is a life coach.
Yeah, me too.
Saturated market these days.
Tell me about it.
Hence your performance at
V-Lounge?
A girl's gotta eat.
Sorry, I probably owe you an
apology.
I was just having a really bad
night.
Oh, no, no, it's all good.
I got a free drink out of it.
Oh, good.
Marcus.
Judy.
Seriously? Come on, what's your
name?
It's Judy.
Man, you queens in your names.
I cannot keep up.
Oh, I would rather be a
nickname-gay than a full-name gay.
Marcussss, was it?
Alright, you get points
for having a personality.
Oh, thank you.
God, this is so terrifying.
What happens to these guys,
like, in another five or ten years?
I guess they just go into real
estate?
I think he'll go to the same
place they send old drag queens.
You know, our host told us
not to engage with you
and I think I'm going to take
that advice.
I need a refresher?
- So you're in Wicked?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going great.
- That's great.
- Yeah, it's been a great show so far.
Are you like one of the
munchkins or...?
Wow, your social media is a
mess.
I'm not good at that kind of
stuff.
Promoting yourself? Isn't
that half the job of a performer?
I'm an artist.
Yikes.
Sorry to hear that.
I'm not your standard
like a run-of-the-mill
drag brunch bingo queen. I'm...
I'm the next Jim Bailey.
Oh. So you're a drag queen
that doesn't work.
OK, Mr. PR, spin it.
I'm your new client.
Tell me, what should I be
doing to promote myself?
I mean, well, first of all, your
name.
Oh, my God. You're obsessed with
my name.
It doesn't make any sense.
Judy Blu'em.
Like the OG YA author, but also
like...
-No no, I get it.
I mean, it doesn't make sense
for your character.
Right? So, like, your whole show,
you do old jazz standards, and
you know, try to evoke a time
gone by.
That's what you should be promoting.
You know, cause Judy Blume...
Oof, she is a mess.
I mean, come on.
Bad sex jokes, flirting with the
crowd.
Yeah, you don't do that very
well.
I have my moments. Thank you.
Who's this other queen?
That's just a friend of mine, we
don't really work together anymore.
Oh, gotcha.
Well, then it sounds like a
good time for a fresh start.
Yeah.
Originally, I was thinking of
calling myself Sweet Lorraine
because I love that jazz standard, and
it was my mom's nickname growing up.
And you went with Judy Blu'em?
All my friends call me Judy, and
I just...
I don't know, I went with it once at
Halloween and it just sort of stuck.
Yeah.
I mean, it sounds like a
lot of thought went into that.
- I still stand by Judy.
Shit.
You don't smoke, do you?
I know where we can get some.
Why does that not surprise me?
You know, I know you meant that as a
compliment, so I'm going to take it as one.
Come on. Follow me.
Helloooo?
Oh, what the fuck?
I know. Isn't it hilarious?
I used to keep my weed in an
empty deodorant stick.
Sit. Sit.
Have at it.
Thank you pre-roll.
So Samoa told you not to engage
with me?
Oh, yeah. She's a fan.
Yeah, I know.
And your boyfriend...?
David.
David. Where's he?
He's a flight attendant,
so he travels a lot.
Oh, OK.
Absence makes heart grow fonder?
- It helps.
- Yeah.
So what about you? No boyfriend
for you?
Oh, no.
So all these single guys here and
you spent the last hour talking to me?
These single guys?
Yes. I'm a businesswoman.
I just got a free marketing
consultation.
Plus... I don't know.
I like talking to guys with
boyfriends,
I'm not putting myself in a position
to be rejected, so I can just...
I don't know. Be myself.
And what if the guy with the
boyfriend makes a move?
Well...
I guess that's up to the
guy with the boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't do this.
Right, David. And Samoa.
No, I still don't know your real
name.
Oh, my God.
It's James.
James?
James. Francis O'Neal. The
third.
My family calls me Frankie.
I absolutely hate it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that doesn't quite fit.
Mmm, no. Hence...
Francis.
OK, got it, dude.
Yeah, she's my favorite.
Mystery solved.
Hi. What the fuck?
Hey, gorgeous.
Ah, sorry.
We needed to steal some of your
weed.
OK, you could have just asked.
Right.
Yeah, totally understand.
So sorry.
OK. So...
Get the fuck out.
Yeah.
Cool.
Uhm, Mattachine's canceled,
babe.
Samoa, I'm so sorry.
No, don't girl.
Come here.
No, no, no, no, no. I...
I want you to come.
I want you to come first.
I already did.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no. Yeah, that's' fine.
- Are you sure?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's cool.
I just.
I'm not going to be able to...
OK.
So sexy.
Me? You.
[ phone buzzing ]
I'm going to go back to the
party.
- Did you to get that?
- No, sorry.
I think I should go though.
- Oh, you sure?
- Mhm.
OK, uhm. Well, I got your
number.
Cool.
What up playa?
- Hi.
Oh, my God. It's
so good to hear your voice.
I'm like the worst friend.
I keep missing your texts.
- It's fine.
How are you? How's Philly?
When are you coming back?
Philly is great.
I don't hate me, but I was actually
in the city on Friday for work.
Girl, why didn't you tell me?
I would have met up with you.
- I know. It's been a total
whirlwind.
Everything is...
What?
Honestly, everything is great.
Good.
We have so much to catch up on.
I feel like I've been here
for six months already.
What about you?
- What are you doing right now?
I am currently sitting in a closet
with cum dripping out of my asshole.
Judy.
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm at this rooftop party.
Fabulous, as always.
You know how I do.
I miss you, girl.
I miss you, too.
Listen, Shawn is desperate to
meet you.
We want to have you come down.
I don't know if you have plans
for the 4th of July weekend,
but we're going to this barbecue,
and it's actually looking like it's
going to be a really fun
weekend.
We'd love to have you come down.
That sounds like fun.
- Yeah?
I'm going to be doing drag
for the first time
that Friday night in Philly, and
I'd love to have your support.
Bitch, what? You are doing drag?
No, it's dumb. It's just a
charity thing.
If you have a gig that night, don't
even give it a second thought, obviously.
No, no, no gigs.
I'm just kind of like working on
my solo act right now, you know.
Networking.
Taking some dance classes.
Revamping my social media.
I'm really happy to hear that.
Yeah, things are really great
here, too.
Oh, God, I hate to do this.
I've got to run.
I just wanted to catch up really
quickly.
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
If you think you can make it.
Yes, I will.
I will be there.
Yeah, OK. I'll text you the
deets.
It's really good to hear your
voice, Judy.
You too.
Bye, baby girl.
[ excited laughter ]
Hi. Welcome to Philadelphia!
Oh, my God. It's so cute here.
- Hi.
- It's so great to finally meet you.
And then we get out on the street,
and this queen is running for her life,
with one heel!
Screaming, "Officer! Officer!"
I thought he was a real cop!
I also love that I thought the guy
in booty shorts and like, a crop tee,
was a real cop.
Well, he was wearing aviator
glasses, and I guess that fits in like...
I was like, "Honey arrest me."
This charity organization's
great.
But there's actually some stuff
you're gonna be able to help out with.
CHRISSY.
- And Shawn will introduce you to people.
JUDY.
- Perfect, I'm here to help.
- What up, Philly?
How are you doing out there?
That's what's up y'all.
Welcome to Philly Gay Bingo...
I know it's silly, but it helps the
guest to know who's a volunteer.
Honestly, I have a purse that
would been fabulous with this.
DRAG QUEEN.
- We're raising money for people
- living with HIV and AIDS,
so let's turn those pockets out.
Are you ready, y'all?
Right in front of you, we have
some fierce little plastic dobbers...
So, what do you say?
Want to have a contest?
See who can sell the most
tickets tonight?
Oh, God.
- What's the winner get?
- Bragging rights.
How about OK?
How about if I win,
I get to take Chrissy to brunch
tomorrow.
Solo.
Done.
Down.
Alright. Let's do this!
- Are you ready?
[ cheering ]
I said "Are you ready?"
[ cheering ]
- "B" What do we have? B-2.
[ audience chatter ]
Isn't this a riot?
Girl, all I see is
stubble and kitten heels.
Be nice. They're pretty.
They are gorgeous.
This hair... looked better on me.
Yeah, well, I made it, and it's
mine.
Hi. Are you having fun?
- Stud?
Can I have an arm's length?
Oh, you got it, sweetheart.
- How's that?
- Yeah, OK.
- BINGO! BINGO!
Ladies and homosexuals,
this is our favorite new girl,
so I need you all to be real
nice.
If you want to be. Let's
give it up for Chrissy Snow.
Oh, hello, Philadelphia.
Thank you.
I am so happy to be here with
you tonight.
This number goes out
to all of those good Judys.
Thank god for them, right?
Hit it!
Thank you for being a friend
Travel down the road and back
again
Your heart is true
You're a pal and a confidant
[ deafening whistle rings ]
- Let me take this stuff.
Hey, great job.
Oh, thanks.
Girl, I heard you paint.
You should come by sometime.
Oh, maybe next month.
Think about it.
OK.
No winners?
- No.
- Sorry!
[ Grindr chirp ]
[ Grindr chirp ]
Ohh. There are some mens here.
I'm a visual learner.
Ah. So she's not on the apps.
Of course I'm not.
[ door knocks ]
Judy, I'm gonna hit the hay.
Thanks again for your help tonight.
I still think you cheated.
I want my solo brunch.
Next time for sure.
You were great tonight, Chris.
Night.
Nice game, Chris.
- So "Masc 4 Masc"
- Shut up.
He is not.
Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy.
OK, I'm going to go to bed.
Oh, excuse me.
- No.
- I'm tired.
It's not even midnight.
The well has been dry all day.
I need some Chrissy time and
some wine.
I just had really long show.
Need I remind you,
I took a bus to get here.
The Greyhound.
What you got in that fridge
downstairs?
- I've got some bubbly stuff.
- Uh huh. That's what I thought.
Be right back.
I don't know.
I have some things in the
medicine cabinet.
We've got a lamp together last
week.
A lamp. Oh, my God.
What is happening?
He has a guest room, Judy.
This whole room...
This is for guests.
This is a luxury.
And we're just throwing around
the boyfriend title, so soon.
There was no official
conversation.
He just started
introducing me as his boyfriend.
I heard.
So... yes.
He's very matter of fact.
"This is my boyfriend, Chris." So
I'm like, OK, I guess we're boyfriend.
Yeah, his whole vibe is like,
very like, teddy bear total top.
Oh, God. The dick is good girl.
Oh.
I mean, he definitely has his
routine that he likes to stick to,
but I'll get him to
switch it up eventually.
As long as you're satisfied.
Are you happier here?
What's that supposed to mean?
Are you happier here than
you were in New York?
I mean, it's different.
There are things that I miss,
but.
I feel like I'm supposed
to be here right now.
Think you'll ever move back?
I never thought it'd leave
in the first place.
Me neither.
All right, well,
I love you,
- But now I'm going to go to sleep.
- Fine.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Chrissy?
What?
Is he just gonna like,
follow you into your room or...?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- He usually sleeps in here.
Dash. Come here.
- Dash.
- Come here.
- Dash!
- Come on, boy.
I'm sorry honey.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Such a good boy.
[ dog whimpering ]
[ dog whimpering ]
Come on.
- Oh my God. This place is gorgeous.
- They did a really good job.
- You should have seen it
before.
Hey. Happy 4th!
- Good to see you.
- Hi guys.
Before we take one more step,
we have some news.
Oh, my God. Finally.
Oh, my God. Congratulations.
- That's so exciting.
- Hi. I am so happy you're here.
Thank you for having me. I
really appreciate the invitation.
Oh, my God, your house is
absolutely amazing.
- Did you make that?
- I did make it. Do you like strawberries?
I love strawberries.
These are my favorite pieces.
Aren't they fabulous? So
mid-century.
I pulled them out of the
garbage. Javier hates them.
But you know what?
- If I had bought these these at
Brimfield.
- Are you getting bit?
- It's your cologne.
How much longer till we get to the
part of the tour where there's a bar?
Do you need mustard for your hot
dogs?
Javi, where's the mustard?
Actually, I'd love a drink.
Oh, where are my manners? I'm
sorry.
- I can't believe I didn't get you a drink.
- Judy's not shy.
Well, what would you like?
- Do you have any alcohol?
- Lots.
- I'll have that.
- Oh, my soul mate.
Come inside.
I'll show you the kitchen
renovations we did.
Hi, Ed. How are you?
This is James.
This is Chris's friends.
Oh, it's Judy.
Ed just moved in next door.
He's an architect from the city.
Sorry, they love me.
It's part of the charm of this
place.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
Thanks.
It used to be marshlands
until maybe a hundred years ago.
And then they built a dam,
and now it's all cranberry bogs.
I like cranberry, though, so
I was happy about it.
Thanksgiving
is, like, my favorite holiday.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah. You a fan.
I like the cranberry sauce, not
the family part of Thanksgiving.
Oh, I don't agree.
- So I've really got into
birdwatching lately.
Now, I haven't spotted one yet.
- So, it's more like bird
hearing.
- Wait, did you hear that?
- I hear there's bald eagles around here
so I've been listening for a bald eagles,
so then I can see it.
You know, we're very glad
that Chris has moved down here.
I think him and Shawn make
such a good pair, don't you think?
Yeah.
I mean, it must be so
hard dating in New York.
I know so many guys that just
move down here and immediately
get snatched up like that.
Yeah, I don't really follow
heteronormative dating patterns,
so I couldn't tell you.
I feel like all the gay guys I know
in relationships are pretty miserable.
Have you tried any of this?
Yeah, it was delicious.
Yeah, it looks amazing.
I have to get the recipe for
this.
What is it?
It's just Sara Lee with cool
whip and berries on top.
OK, well, the presentation is
gorgeous.
Would you excuse me?
Yeah, sure.
- Hi.
- Hey.
You left me.
Oh, I'm sorry. Shawn is
going to get us some water.
Do you want some?
You know, I would love another
one of those bourbon iced tea thingys.
Why don't you have some water?
Bourbon. Thanks.
Sure.
Sure thing.
Thank you.
What the fuck?
You just left me in there with,
Mr. Personality.
What? He's sweet.
He's boring.
Well, Javi and Brad thought
that you two might hit it off.
You're joking.
He's really smart.
He has a great job,
and he owns two houses.
Would you fuck him?
Juldy, don't be tacky.
Relationships are about more
than sex.
It's kind of a big part of it.
OK, well, if you don't want to
talk to him, you don't have to.
They just thought...
Thought what? That I want to
move out here
and get set up with some boring
guy who lives in Philadelphia.
And then what? I'd move out here
and live happily ever after like you?
Judy, don't start.
I'm a marsh creature. I live
here now.
OK, these are new friends.
Could you please not do that
here?
Oh, my God. It's not fucking
meth, girl.
I'm sure everybody here has
smoked a little weed before.
We've been here for one hour
and you're already a mess.
Oh, I am not.
[ coughing ]
Here we are.
Smells like someone's having a
good time.
Thank you. I sure am Shawn,
would you like to have a little fun too?
No, thanks. Should we make
our way down to the lake?
Yeah, that's a fantastic idea.
Delightful.
- Everything OK?
- No.
But we have to allow these
neighborhoods to gentrify.
Actually, studies prove it does
nothing to promote economic growth.
What's the alternative?
To let the neighborhoods rot?
Well, we need legislation.
How? How? It's. It's
un-American.
Honestly, it's the same thing we saw in
Bushwick and Williamsburg ten years ago.
- You mind taking our photo?
My phones underneath that towel?
I'm sorry. Are you actually trying to
compare New York to Philadelphia?
In terms of urban development.
No. Philadelphia, I mean,
no offense it's cute, but like...
Well, okay. Hey now.
She's been here one day
and already she's an expert.
You've been here a month, girl.
Wait till the honeymoon ends.
Yo!
Judy.
What? You're in the lake.
You don't want to get wet?
Why don't you go drink some
water?
I'm curious to hear more what
you have to about Philadelphia.
Judy.
Well, first of all, I think everyone here
is a little overweight and talks funny.
Judy!
- Hey!
- Stop being such a cunt.
Uh oh! Here comes Chrissy's
friend to expose the cracks
in her carefully manicured
reality.
I wouldn't want to ruin another picture
of you and "this guy" for the Gram.
- We need to get her out of here.
- Yeah.
It's just funny,
because I know the real story.
I was there the last time they ended
things. You remember what you said?
He said Shawn wasn't good
enough.
- Did you know they tried dating
before this?
Yeah, twice.
Although, why would you? Cause it's
not like Shawn ever posts pictures of Chris.
I hardly post anything on social
media.
- Oh, you don't? How noble.
Do you still want your picture?
No!
Yes. You know what?
Get a picture of this!
- No, Judy.
Don't!
[ splash ]
Ow! Fuck. It's really shallow
here.
OK, it's time to go.
You guys, I am so sorry.
You do not have to apologize for
me.
Don't touch me.
OK. We need to get you changed,
and we need to get you sobered
up,
and we need to leave.
I am so sick and tired of everyone
telling me what I need to do,
what I should be doing, to be happy,
to be successful, to find my path.
I see the way you look at me.
Thinking I'll be alone forever.
Just some sad, old faggot
still dressing up like a woman
and you hate the thought of that
cause, you know it could just as easily
be you. And that fucking terrifies you.
Well, you don't have to
worry about me, ok?
I like my life the way it is.
It's fucking fabulous.
- Stop.
Go back to your friends.
I'm going to call a car.
You can't get a car out here.
We're in New Jersey.
I want my person back.
When did you start acting like all
these people used to make fun of?
Do you think I'm stupid?
You think I don't know what
you mean when you say that
you want to take some time off
to shift your priorities?
You quit.
You gave up everything,
and for what, Shawn?
You gave up your life in New
York,
your apartment, your job.
You walked out on me.
You completely derailed my
career.
God! Judy!
Get over yourself.
I've never met a more
selfish human in my entire life.
You think you're the main
character.
You think every decision I make
is somehow about you?
It's not.
Every question you ask me,
every underlying thought is
somehow,
"But what about me?"
Well, you know what, Judy?
It's not about you.
I want you
to be the best version of
yourself.
I want you to
have the life that you dream of.
But I'm not responsible
for helping you get there.
I'm not responsible for
carrying you along the way.
Oh, carrying me?
Carrying me?
Everything that I did, I did for
us.
You did nothing but hold me
back.
You're delusional.
Well at least you're finally
being honest with me.
Judy. Take care of yourself.
Captain wants you passing.
Hey.
Sweetie, the bathroom is a mess.
And you were late on the rent
again.
I think we need to have a conversation
about this living arrangement.
Yeah.
I agree.
Whoa, duplex.
Yeah, I like it here.
I don't usually host so I'm gonna
have to abide by some rules.
Oooh. OK. Let me guess.
No sleepovers.
Yup.
And no fucking on the bed.
Mhm.
Anything else?
That about covers it.
Oh, oh, yes.
Oh, you're handsome.
Get on your knees.
What?
Get on your knees.
On the chair.
- Oh, OK.
- There you go.
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Fuck.
Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, you needed that to
take this big dick?
Fuck, yeah.
Yeah, is that what you wanted?
Oh, yeah. I did.
Fuck. So bad.
Fuck, your hole is so tight.
Yeah? Fuck. Tighter than your
boyfriend's?
Don't. Don't do that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we were just like...
Shit.
You didn't clean out?
Oh. Fuck. I'm sorry.
Do you have any, like, paper
towels or...?
Yeah.
Clean up down here.
I'm going to go upstairs
and take a shower.
[ shower runs ]
[ shower runs ]
What are you doing?
There's a ton of cabs on 10th
Avenue. You'll be OK getting home?
Yeah.
Bye.
[ clippers buzzing ]
I don't care if you're just answering
the phone and taking reservations.
Day starts at 7 a.m. Sharp.
Of course.
Continental Breakfast gets laid
out, then you start cleaning the rooms.
There are seven of
them, plus staff quarters.
It's not too many, so I'd like
to get it all done before noon.
OK, I understand.
Pedro, show you the ropes.
We have mostly gay men who stay
here,
you know, so I like the staff to
be
presentable and approachable,
but not available.
No drugs, no drinking on premises,
and absolutely no bringing boys home.
That won't be an issue.
Well, that's what the last
guy said before I fired him.
Luckily, you come highly
recommended.
I promise you won't
have any issues with me.
Wait, I thought we were supposed
to shock the hot tub every day.
I never do that.
Well, you look amazing.
Thirty's not old.
- Uhm. Kind of.
- No. It's not.
PEDRO: Well, it's not young.
JUDY: Oh! And she would know!
PEDRO: You look great.
JUDY: I know I do.
Thank you.
Keep smokin' them cigarettes, you'll
look as good as me when you're my age.
Shut up!
I can't believe you said that!
I only speak the truth.
Oh. Shit.
Guys.
Are there any rooms open?
Yeah, room number three.
Go.
Perfect. Let's go.
And don't forget to wash
the sheets when you're done.
Yeah, we have an open mic night
at eight
and you can do whatever
you want for five minutes.
Perfect.
They call her hard hearted
Hannah
That's right.
Vamp of Savannah
Meanest gal in town
Now, leather is tough
but Hannah's heart is tougher
Oh, yes. She a gal who
likes to see men suffer
To tease 'em
to thrill 'em
To torture and kill 'em
Is her delight they say
I saw Hannah at the seashore
with a great big pan
Pourin' water on a drownin'
man
She's hard hearted Hannah
The vamp of Savannah G.A.
[ applause ]
TOWNIE: Ma'am!
JUDY: As I live and breathe.
Are you doing Showgirls tonight?
It's the last one of the season
I wouldn't miss it.
- You know, I'll be rooting for you.
- Thank you. I appreciate that.
We need to see you back here
next summer.
- You need to have a solo show to yourself.
- I'm working on it.
If I get a solo show, am I going
to get you on stage with me?
Oh, my God.
Give me a couple of gin rummies
and maybe a Cher song on
the radio and I'll think about it.
Ho, we can do that for you.
Oh, my God. OK,
you have fun sweetheart.
- Thanks Doll, you have a great day.
- Oh, I will.
You look stunning.
Thank you.
Can I steal some of your
contour?
Oh, you didn't have to
butter me up to ask me that.
- Thank you, I'll bring it right back.
- You're welcome.
Just keep it. And next time put it
on before you blend your highlighter.
Drag moms are such a drag.
I am not your drag mother.
- Yes, you are.
Hey, could you look up
someone on Instagram for me?
- Can you get the app on your
phone?
It's not good for me.
- Fine.
It's umm, ChrissySnowKween.
Queen is with a KW?
Is that an ex or something?
It's just someone
I thought I saw in town today.
They're private.
OK.
That's fine. Thanks.
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY:
How are you guys doing tonight?
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: Oh, not good
enough.
You got to tell me how
you're really doing tonight.
Let's hear it right now.
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: Let's rock it. Hit
it.
She doesn't curse
She doesn't smoke
She doesn't even drink
That's what they whispered
'bout me 'fore I started showin' pink
But then one day,
I ran across a PTown magazine
and saw that they were running
shots of every other queen
My blood runs cold
My gingham, "Cause
Showgirls is a centerfold
Showgirls is a centerfold!
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY: The musicality!
The commitment!
No! Nooo! And scene.
[ audience cheers ]
Well that was interesting.
[ audience laughs ]
But hey...
Get ready for this brand new
act.
She's been working so hard this
summer, and I am so proud to have her
I want a big round of applause,
please
for the one and only Miss Sweet
Lorraine!
Let's hear it!
[ audience cheers ]
Bye Baby
See you around
Didn't I tell you I wouldn't
hold you down
Take care of yourself you hear
Don't let me hear about you
shedding a tear
You're gonna make it
You're gonna make it
Remember me
As a sunny day
That you once had
Along the way
Didn't I inspire you a little
higher?
Remember me as a funny clown That
made you laugh when you were down
Didn't I boy? Didn't I boy?
Remember me as a big balloon
at a carnival that ended too soon
Remember me as a breath of
spring
Remember me as a good thing
Bye baby
See you around
Already know about that
new love you found
What can I do but wish you
well?
What we had was really swell
I won't forget it No, no.
I have no regrets
Remember me as a sound of
laughter
And my face
The morning after
Didn't the sky beckon us to
fly?
Yes you'll remember
the times we fought
But don't forget me
in your tender thoughts
Please, darling
Oh, yeah
Remember me when you drink the
wine
of sweet success
I gave you my best
Remember me with every song
you sing
Remember me as a good thing
[ audience cheers ]
RYAN LANDRY
Sweet Lorraine! Let's hear it!
[ audience cheers ]
TOWNIE: Sensational!
Sensational. Baby the summer is
over. You killed it!
- The summer's yours.
- No, you killed it honey you always...
- Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch!
- Oh hello. Hi handsome.
- Can I get a picture?
- Of course.
You were stunning!
Miss Congeniality, though.
Ain't that some shit?
Oh, thank you so much.
Have a night... I love you!
Have a good night.
[ TV show plays ]
Not you watching
Golden Girls on your last night.
It was "Murder She Wrote".
Well, tonight's the last Fag
Bash.
I'm packing.
Mhm. Wasn't it you that told me that
people come here to create art, heal...
get into trouble?
That's just what some old queen
told me when I was your age.
You're my old queen.
God, I really wish they would
put locks on these doors.
I haven't seen you get into
any trouble this summer.
You're coming out with me.
It's eleven o'clock!
Get out of bed!
No, no, no! Stop!
You're coming.
Fine.
Yeah.
I hate youth.
[ club music ]
[ ocean waves ]
CHRISSY: Hi.
JUDY: Hi.
Hi.
You were fabulous tonight,
Sweet Lorraine.
- I love it.
- Thanks.
I wanted to say hi.
You had an entourage.
I saw you on your bike
yesterday.
Yeah, I saw you on yours.
I texted Jay and Lucas.
They said you moved up here
for the summer.
Yeah,
I took that job at their
friend's B&B.
They had an opening this season
and it...
It's uhm...
It's been a really great summer.
I can tell.
The stars are so bright.
I know.
Did you go out to celebrate
after?
- I went to Fag Bash for a
little.
It's actually, it's my last
night, so I just wanted to...
take a stroll,
say goodbye to the town. You
know.
You headed back to New York?
Mhm. 10 AM ferry.
Me, too.
And then Philly.
Where's Shawn?
He didn't have any vacation days
left,
and I just...
needed a weekend.
Nice.
I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?
Did you want to just...
No, no, no.
I was...
It's funny, I kind of thought
I might find you out here.
Same.
I come out here all the time.
And every time I'm here I think
about that night that we were rolling.
And we saw the foxes just
playing around on the beach and...
we had convinced ourselves
that that fox was, like,
us in some other dimension of
reality.
- Like, just frolicking...
- Judy!
- Oh, my God.
Hi.
- Do you think that's the same
little guy?
Look, I have been thinking about
you
a lot, and
I'm sorry...
for cutting you off there, I
just...
No, I...
I deserved it.
I was awful.
- No, even before the lake
house,
I didn't handle things well at all
with the move and with leaving you.
It's, really, it's... it's fine.
I think...
I think being apart has been
really good for me.
It seems like it.
So what's next?
I have no idea.
Scary.
Hey. Girl...
I don't know either.
I'm starting to realize.
I think it's just...
always going to be that way.
I was going to walk out a little
bit,
maybe stay up and watch
the sun rise, if you wanted to...
I think I just want to go back to my
room and call Shawn and... crash.
Yeah. OK.
I'm really glad I got to see
you.
Me too.
EMCEE: Ladies and gentleman
here again, Sweet Lorraine.
[ audience applause ]
What'll I do
When you are far away
And I am blue
What'll I do?
What'll I do
When I am
wondering how
you feel just now
What'll I do?
What'll I do
with just your photograph
To tell my troubles to
When I'm alone
With only
dreams of you
That won't come true
What'll I do?
[ audience applause ]
[ ocean waves ]