Chuck & Buck (2000) Movie Script
Mom ?
What's that ?
A friend of mine--
His mom has died.
That's awful.
Yeah.
You want to get
something to eat first ?
No, we're late already.
Condolences
to your family.
I'm sorry.Thank you.
Hey, when did you
get here ?Oh, just this morning.
I'm really sorry
about your mom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Buck, this is Carlyn,
my fiancee.I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you could make it.
I think about you all the time,
us as kids and stuff.
You don't look
much different.
You do.
Your face is fatter.
Hello.
How are you ?
We found out
she was dead.
Boo !Hey... hi.
Hey, are you guys bored ?
What are you doing ?
You wanna go see my room ?
This is my mom.
She's pretty.She would have
hated this:
all these people in her house.
It's kind of strange to see you
after all these years.
I mean,
under these circumstances.
Guess who this is ?
It's me
and Chuck."Chuck" ?
I go by Charlie now,
pretty much.
Chuck and Buck.
That's so adorable.
Look at you guys.
You're such little cuties.
I have a whole box of pictures.
You guys should spend the night.
- We gotta get back.
- We got a flight at 8:00.
Back to L.A. ?
You live there too ?
Mm-hmm.Yeah, we live together.
You should
come visit L.A.
Uh, hey !
Hey.
So... I was thinking
that, uh... you should stay...
and go back tomorrow.
Um, I wish we could.
It's just work
and everything.
But you should visit
in L.A.
You should--
What--
Hey, what are you
doing, man ? No !
We're going.
Okay.
Don't you want
to say good-bye ?Yeah, I did.
Hey, this is a message
for Chuck.
Hey, Chuck, it's Buck.
How's it goin' ?
Um... I, uh... was
thinking about what you said
about coming to Los Angeles,
and, uh... I thought
I might do that.
So, um... uh...
you know--
Oh, my number
is 805-555-4322,
in case
you don't have it.
And, um--
So, you know, call me...
and, uh, let me know,
you know... whatever.
Okay ? All right ?
Okay. Bye.
Nine thousand four,
nine thousand five,
nine thousand six,
nine thousand seven,
nine thousand eight,
nine thousand nine.
That's $10,000.
Thank you.
Hey, Pilar.Hi.
Hey, buddy, it's Charlie
calling you back.
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks
are in town this week,
then the following week,
I'm going to New York
on business.
So the next month or two
is gonna be pretty bad--
The next month or two
is gonna be pretty bad,
but I'll call you
after I get back from my trip,
and we can work something out.
So, it was good
to see you after so long,
and I hope you're doing okay.
And I'll call you.
Later.
It's Charlie calling you back
on Thursday.
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks are
in town this week--
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks
are in town this week,
then the following week
I'm going to New York
on business.
So the next month or two
is going to be pretty bad,
but I'll call you
after I get back from my trip,
and we can work something out.
Hi.Hi.
That's a really nice shirt.
My mom bought it for me.
Well, can I help you
with something ?
I'm here see to Chuck Sitter.
Charles.
He's up on the sixth floor.
If you hold on for one second,
I'll call up.
Hi, it's Diane.
There's a, um--
What's your name ?
What ?
What's your name ?
No. No.
I'm delivering some artwork.
- Sitter, sixth floor.
- All right.
Is that so ?
That's cold.
He disrespected you.
Hey, whoa ! Hold up !
Wait up. Hold the door.
Hi.How can I help you ?
Um... do you
put on plays here...
and people come
and see 'em ?Well, this is a theater.
Well, say I thought
of a play.
W-Would you
put that on ?You've written a play ?
Never.
Oh. Just creating
a hypothetical scenario ?
What if, um--
What if I didn't
want you to read it ?
Well, you could write
at the top of the page,
"Don't let Beverly read it."
I'll beg and plead,
but they won't let me read it.Oh, no.
What I meant was--I know what you meant.
You could rent out the theater.
On Monday evenings
they make it available
for just...
you know, secret plays.
Okay.
Thanks.
So why are you always standing
in front of the theater ?
Oh, um...
I'm waiting for my friend.
Hey.Buck, what the hell--
What are you doing in L.A. ?I've moved here.
You live here ?
Since when ?
Oh, not that long,
just a few weeks.
Wow.
What are you doin' ?
I was over at,
um--Georgio's ?
The food's great
if you like fish.What are you doing in L.A. ?
Um, putting on a play.
You are ?
Yeah, I was thinking
about those plays
we used to put on.
I was thinking
about the devil
and the reindeer.
"The devil
and the reindeer" ?Uh-huh.
It was--They both have horns,
so they team up
against Santa.
How was New York ?
Oh, it got canceled.
Um, I didn't go.
Oh... I see.
We're having
some people over
tomorrow night.
It's a little party
for Charlie's promotion.
Yeah, I should have
remembered that.
Yeah, you should come.
It'll be great.
I'll give you directions.
You have a pen ?
Yeah.Oh, I can find it.
What time ?
People are coming
around 10:00, 10:30.
It starts at 8:00.Whenever.
That will be great.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Great. Bye.
See you tomorrow.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Buck.Oh, hi.
You made it.Yeah.
You look nice.
Can I get you
something ?
Something
to drink or eat ?
A rum and Coke ?Okay.
Rum and Coke for him,
and I'll take the chardonnay.
You bet.
So you made it.
Did you have any trouble
finding the house ?
Where's Charlie ?I don't know.
I think he's probably
out back or something.
I love those West Indian
basket women things you have
in the living room.
Thank you. I was afraid
people were gonna think
they were racist.
My decorator
pushed me into it.
Jolie, this is Buck,
a friend of Charlie's from home.
How do you do ?Oh, hi.
I'm gonna go make the rounds.By all means,
go play hostess.
And you're friends
with Charlie ?
Oh, yeah, best friends,
when we were kids.
What do you do in L.A.,
Buck ?Oh, nothing.
I know a lot of people
who have that job.
It's one of the better jobs.
I bet you're very good at it.
I kind of want to talk
to Charlie right now.Okay.
I think he's out back.But thanks
for talking to me.
It was nice meeting you.
Hey, Chuck.Hey, man.
You want a drink ?Oh, no, I have one.
Okay,
see you in a second.
Oh--Oh, hey.
Sorry.
I was just looking around.
That's okay.
I was just gonna
touch up my makeup.
Are you having
any fun ?
Yeah. I noticed
there's no pictures
of me anywhere.
Oh, yeah.
Charlie doesn't have
any pictures.
He's not
a very sentimental guy.
What was he like
when you knew him ?
Oh, he was fun.
Yeah, we had fun.
I think Charlie
wants to hang out
with his other friends tonight.
Well, there are
a lot of people here from
his work and everything.
He really cares a lot
about his work, but I know
he's glad you're here.
They are incredible.
I think they're gonna be huge.That's probably true.
Look at Paul Shaffer.
Bonnie Raitt ? Hootie ?
Where's your music
supervisor from, Fresno ?
Hey, Chuck.
Hey, Buck.
Buck, this is Josh Weintraub.
This is Tony Maxwell.
- How you doin' ?
- Vince Duffy.
How's it ?
And Melissa--Booth.
Buck's a friend
of mine from up north.
So, how's it goin' ?
I like your house.
Uh, do you--
Um... it-it's very--
Who, um--Spit it out, Buck.
It's very old-persony.
The last time Buck and I saw
each other, we were camping out
in his parents' backyard,
eating potato chips
and playing spy games.
The good old days.Exactly.
He went by Chuck,
and I was Buck,
so we were Chuck and Buck.
All the other kids
wanted to play with us,
but we wouldn't let 'em.
Charlie hasn't changed.
He's still a very
exclusive guy.
We'd get
in such royal trouble too.
Once my parents grounded me
for a week because--
Listen, I'm gonna
go get a drink.Oh, Charlie, I'd love to--
Yeah, I know.
I'm just gonna be--
Did you
see the jacket ?
Hello ?
Hello, is Charlie there ?Is this Buck ?
Yeah, hi.
Hold on.
Talk to him.I don't want to.
Buck, um...
Charlie's not around,
but I'll let him know
you called.
Okay.
Okay. Bye.Bye.
Okay, Mr. Wise Tree.
Don't forget, you know all
and you don't say anything.
Just move a little bit--
There you go. Perfect.
We're gonna take it from where
the scarecrow is having
a very hard time waking up.
Always face the audience.
Share that face
with the audience.
Don't forget,
you're made out of straw.
We need Dorothy.
This is you, sweetheart.
Try to wake him up.
Okay, wake up.
Wake up, straw man.
Wake up, straw man !
Well, if it isn't the man
that's waiting for his friend.
Hey.
Do you remember me ?
Stand up.
Oh, well, um...
I wrote a play.
- Oh, you did ?
- Yeah, and I was kind of hoping
you could help me.
What ?
Direct ? Produce ?
Yeah.
Well, I'm the house manager.
- I don't know shit
about directing.
- That's okay.
Nah, it wouldn't work.
You'd have to pay me
by the hour.
How much ?
- Twenty-five dollars an hour.
- Okay.
Whoops.
What's all this stuff ?
Here it is.This is it ?
Yeah.
Let me--
"Hank and Frank."
Is this
a children's play ?Well, it has kids in it.
Um, in the first part,
they're kids,
and in the second part,
they're, they're older.
Uh-huh.
Time lapse, huh ? Gotcha.
So when
can you read it ?
I don't think this is
a children's play.
It's... way out there.
I think you have
something weird
about women.
I think you have
something weird about men.
How old are you ?
Twenty-seven.
Your face is, uh--
It's twitching.
Oh, yeah.
Sometimes it, um--
I have a--
When I'm nervous--
So how many nights
do you want to book
the theater ?
One."One" ?
You're just gonna do it
for one night only ?
Well, all right.
Uh, I can reserve
the first Monday
in December.
That will give us
four weeks' rehearsal.
Now, about the $25 an hour--
Are you bullshitting me ?
No.
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna ask you
to pay me every week,
and I'll keep a record
of my hours.
Hi, Jamila.
It's Diane.
There's a Buck O'Brien here
to see Charlie.
He says he doesn't
have an appointment.
He's in a meeting,
but you can wait here
and then he'll see you.
Hi, Di.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Jamila.
I'm Charlie's assistant.
He's still in a meeting,
but you can come up
and wait if you want.
Oh, okay.
Get that
cover letter to Ed Stegner. Mm-hmm.
Ask the people in his office
if they sent those tapes
with the samples on them.
Oh, they did.
I have it.
Jesus, I've been
asking you for those
tapes for two days.
Well, it just came.
Hey, Buck. You have
a good time at the party
the other night ?
Sure.
At first.
I don't know about parties.
They were all asking me
what I do.
How's the play ? The play ?
Well, it's not really--
But what I want--
I wanna spend time,
uh, hanging out...
with you
and catching up.
Yeah. I mean, me too.
That'd be great.
Yeah, because we really haven't
seen each other, and I feel bad
that we didn't keep up.
You know,
I feel like it's my fault.
It's not your fault.
I mean, I moved.
These things happen.
So...
what have you been doing ?
Well... my mom was sick
for, like, five years.
So I was
kind of taking care of her.
Yeah,
that must have been tough.
Hey, that's my band.
I signed those guys.
'cause I thought about you
all the time, you know.
After you left,
I didn't really get
into school at all, you know.
I didn't like
the other kids so much.
All the homework and sports--
It just wasn't fun.
It's weird you have this office.
What do you do in here ?
Sign bands... and produce...
and negotiate contracts.
It's not
all that interesting.
That's funny.
That's really funny,
'cause, do you remember,
we used to play games
like we were businessmen ?
Remember we bought
all those office supplies ?
And now you're,
like, really doing it.
Is it real now
or is it still like a game ?
It's pretty real.
Remember all those games
we used to play ?
Charlie, Marion Cash.
I'll return--
No, I'll take it.
Uh, Buck...
I gotta go back to work.
Oh, okay. But I'm glad
you came by.
We should get some lunch
sometime, okay ?
Just give Jamila your number,
and we'll get together.
Oh, all right.
Well, um... bye, Chuck.
I'm glad that we're--Yeah, me too.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I want to get
a picture of us.
Um... right now ?
I was kind
of hoping, yeah.
Okay.
Jamila ?
Yes ?
Can you help us out here,
please ?
Here.
You guys ready ?Take the picture.
One...two...three.
There you go.Thanks.
I'll get it.
Want me to get it ?No, I got it.
Hey, Buck.Oh, hey.
Ever thought of using a phone ?
Oh, I was just gonna
drop something by.
I can come back later.
Hey, Buck.Well, hi.
Can I get you
something to drink ?
Oh, no...
that's all right.
Would you like
some coffee,
a bagel ?
- Would you like some ice cream ?
- Really ?
I like ice cream.Okay.
Do you want some,
Charlie ?Nope.
- What you got there ?
- Oh, this ?
I made this for Chuck.
Wow.
Yeah, I saw that you didn't
have any pictures of us,
so I made this for you.That's really
creative.
This is the picture
we took today.
Today ?Oh, yeah.
Buck, um... visited me
in the office.
I made one of my mom,
and then one of me and my dad,
and then this one.
It took a long time.
I bet.
Okay, let me get you
that ice cream.
So do you remember
all these pictures ?
Kind of. I had copies
of 'em made...
so I could cut 'em up.
So, do you like it ?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's great.
I like strawberry.
Well, um... I'm gonna
go up to bed.
Really ?Yeah,
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, so am I.
It was nice
to see you again, Buck.
Right.
Thanks for the ice cream.
I'll be up in a minute.Okay.
So what should we do ?
Oh, I've got to wake up
early tomorrow.
I think we should
play a game.
What do you mean ?
Like Trivial Pursuit
or something ?
Yeah.
Or like, you know--
What ?
Like some other kind
of game.
Like what ?
Can she hear us ?
Carlyn ?
What are you talking about ?
Like one of those games
where you stick your dick
in my mouth...
and I stick mine in yours.
Chuck and Buck, suck and fuck.
I think you should
get out of here, Buck.
I mean it.
Get out, now.
So this is the Frank pile,
and this is the Hank pile,
and this is the witch pile.
Okay.
I think I have
your little Hank and Frank.
I don't know if they're gonna
be able to memorize all those
lines, but let me get them.
Jake, Tommy,
can you come up here, kids ?
Hey, guys, this is Buck.
Say hello.
Hello.Hi.
Okay, guys.
Thanks.
Um, well, I think the one
with the dark hair...
is okay for Hank,
but the other one's
not really right
for Frank.
Buck, he's a good little actor.
He was the Cheshire Cat...
in the Alice in Wonderlandshow
we did, and he was hilarious.
He may not be what you're
looking for, but I don't think
we're gonna get any better.
All right, guys,
fill out the sign-in sheet:
name, telephone number,
any acting experience
you might have and--
All right.
I need your head shots,
please.
What if you
don't got an agent ?
Well, just fill in
your telephone number.
What if your phone's
out of order ?
I know who you are.
You fooled Hank,
but you haven't fooled me.
Don't you see, Hank ?
Are you too blind to see
what's in front of you ?
I know who you are,
and you fooled him,
but you haven't fooled me.
You put
that curse on me.
Don't you remember
anything ?
She's evil, Hank.
Evil !
Now in this scene,
you are playing Hank's
girlfriend, Delilah.
She's sweet, loving,
fun whenever Hank's around,
but Frank sees
right through you.Okay.
I don't know what
you're talking about, Frank.
You were Hank's friend,
and I felt sorry for you.
But I won't stand for this,
and Hank won't either.
So unless you want
to go back to that hellhole,
I suggest you clean up your act.
Very nice.
Thank you.
My name's Adam.
I'm reading for Hank.
I see.
I'm your friend,
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she wouldn't hurt a fly.
Um--
I'm going out.
But when I get back,
I hope you'll make things right.
I'm telling you the truth,
She's a witch.
Frank... do it for me.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hi, how you doin' ?
Sam, is it ?
Yeah.
Where are you from ?
All over.
New Jersey.
Hmm.
You've been
acting long ?
Nah. Some commercials:
Mountain Dew, some others.
Okay, go ahead.
Frank, you're my friend,
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.
And now you've really hurt her.
Hmm... okay.
Hank is really upset.
He's had it up to here.
Do you think
you could try it
a little more--
Like really mad ? Exactly.
Frank, you're my friend...
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.
And now
you've really hurt her.
I can't stand
to see her like this.
I'm going out now,
but when I get back, I hope
you'll have made things right.
I'm telling you the truth.
She's a witch.
Frank, do it for me !
Great. Thanks
for coming in.
Yeah, that felt better.
Here.Oh, hey.
Wow.
Thanks.
Well, now all we have left
to do is decide on Hank.
I think it's pretty obvious
who we should go with.
No, I like this guy.
You're kidding, right ?
He was the worst thing
we saw today. He can't act.
I thought
he was all right.
Buck, no.
He can't act at all.
No.
I mean, no.
He is a moron.
- I think him.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
Hello. Is Charlie there ?
Hi, Buck.Hi.
I'm sorry, he's not in.
I'll have him call you, okay ?
Did you tell him
it was important ?
Yep, I've told him,
but he's really busy.
Okay ?
Good-bye.
I wish he could, like,
just do his job.
Exactly.
Jamila ? Can I talk to you ?
Well--Just for a second.
Okay.
We'll meet you later.
Yeah,
I'll see you guys there.
He's there, isn't he ?
He could call me back.
He just doesn't want to.
Maybe. I mean,
I don't really know.
What's the matter ?
No, no, just tell him--
Forget it.
Just--
Whatever.
Hello ?
Buck ?Hi.
You really freaked out
my assistant today.
I did ?
Look, I'm sorry
your mother died,
and I know that we were
really good friends, once.
- We were best friends.
- Right, but that was
a long time ago.
My life is really
complicated right now.
I've got a ton of work.
I'm getting married.It's because of her, huh ?
Carlyn ?She doesn't like me.
She does like you, okay ?
It's not her.
A lot has changed.
I can't deal with you.
I'm not the same person anymore.
What do you mean ?
I don't know why
you've fixated on me.
Yes, you do.
Look, don't call.
Don't call me at home.
Don't call at the office.
Don't stop by unannounced.
Just stay away.
He's not gonna wake up, Frank.
It's only bad luck
if it drops in the mud. Says who ?
Says everybody.
Take this shovel
and start digging.
Find a place
where the ground is soft.
Hey.
Hey.
So you wrote this ?Yeah.
How long did it take ?
A few days.
A few days, huh ?
That's all ?
It's pretty good.Thanks.
Don't thank me. Thank you.
You wrote a fantastic play.
- I'll see you later.
- Yeah, all right.
Take care.
Pick a color.Green.
G-r-e-e-n.
Pick a number.
Seven.
You already
picked seven.Eleven.
"You'll live
with the movie stars
in Beverly Hills."
Yep, that's me.
Have you ever played
this game ?Yeah.
Listen,
about the script--
I see it as a love story
between Hank and Frank.
You do ?Yeah.
Don't you ?
It's like a homoerotic,
misogynistic love story.
Oh. Well, it is what it is.
I don't know.
I mean, I wanted
to write something like...
like the kind of things
me and my friend used to do.
Let me do
a beat-by-beat analysis
of the play, okay ?
Okay.Hank and Frank
are this...
Waiting for Godot
little duo.
They're in the forest.
It's like paradise.Right.
This horrible wicked witch
woman appears.
They've trespassed.
She casts a spell
on both of them...
and makes Hank stupid.
And she turns Frank
into a cripple, which
is like castration.
She castrates him.
What do you mean ?
Like she...
takes his penis away.
What TV shows
do you watch ?
What TV shows do I watch ?
It's like a fairy tale,
you know ?
It's like Goldilocks
or, uh, Little Red Riding Hood.
You know, there's
some kids and the witch
and the curse and--
Hello ?
Hello ?
Who was it ?You know who it is.
It's Buck.
He calls here
every 15 minutes
and hangs up on me.
What's the deal ?
Uh, he's crazy.
Was he always
like this or--
Yeah.
His parents were nuts.
I feel sorry for him.
His mom just died.
Don't worry.
He'll stop calling,
eventually.
You're starting to feel the poison.
You get on your knees...
and you stumble across
towards Frank.
Now, Delilah,
stand between them.
I don't think
she should be standing there.
- Why not ?
- Unless you want me to hit her.
She just fucking killed me.
I'm not gonna just pass by.
"Oh, hey, hi.
How you doing ?"
- But you're weak
with the poison.
- I'm not that weak.
What if she stands
over there ?
Uh-uh.
I could still easily
pop her with my hand.
I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.We're doomed, man.
I know I'm not
inviting my agent.You're not ?
No.
Fuck, no.
Can you keep it simple ?
See, what I don't understand
is "less angry."
I mean, I don't think
I'm angry enough.
What I mean is you can
show anger without screaming.
Just pull it down a bit.
You know that when you're angry,
you raise your voice ?
You know that ?
Try it...
without screaming.
I know my wife.
She couldn't hurt a fly,
and now you've really hurt her.
Sadie ! Sadie !
She won't come.
- You want a Blow Pop ?
- Mom !
Mom !
Can I have
a Blow Pop ?
No, your lunch
is almost ready.
Come on,
please ?No.
Here, you can have
a lick of mine.
Mom says
they'll rot my teeth out.
I eat 'em all the time
and look.
This is top-secret stuff,
okay ?Okay.
Nobody knows about this.
Look. Black Cats.
I tried to stick one
up Sadie's butt.
Sadie hates me.
Let's light one off.Okay.
Oh, my God, Mommy !
Mommy, help !
What ?
Oh, my God ! Tommy !
- What happened ?
- He had some firecrackers.
Keep working, guys,
okay ?
I need to talk to you.
What happened yesterday ?
When ?With Tommy,
yesterday.
He set off a firecracker,
and he burned his hand.
Yes, and his mother
is freaking out.
She's pulling him
out of the play.She is ?
She's pulling him
out of both plays.
Barry is totally
pissed off at me.
Hell, why didn't you
stop him ?
I don't know.Buck, when you're
around kids,
you need to protect them.
Remember, you're an adult.
I know it doesn't give you
much time, but our backs
are against the wall.
So what
do you think ?
It's fine
with me.
Now, would we be playing it
like little kids ?
Like, uh, like, like...
"La-la-la,
I'm a little kid" ?
You wouldn't be playing it
like a little retarded kid,
but, yes,
you would be
acting youthful.
Fine, all right.
I'll do it.
Charlie Sitter's office.
Hello, this is
Bob Double...berg.
Charlie, Bob Doubleberg.Who ?
He says
he's returning your call.Take a number.
Hello.
Hello.Hey, Chuck,
it's Buck.
I didn't think
you would return
my call so--
What do you want, Buck ?
Well, the play
that I wrote--
They're putting it on
a week from Monday...
and I was hoping
you could come.
I don't know, Buck.
I don't--
I think you might
want to see it.
You know, it, uh--
It would mean
a lot to me.
It's at the Aeternus Theater.
It's right across the street
from your office.
You know,
it's not that great a play,
but I think you might like it.
I've got to get off the phone.
I've got another call.
Thanks for letting me know.
I'll see what I can do.
Chuck, please come,
okay ?
You got to understand,
Delilah.
Line."Things have been hard
for Frank."
Things have been hard
for Frank.
What is it ?"He's been wandering
the forest for years."
He's been wandering
the forest for years.
Can I hold my script ?
If that's
what you need.
I feel like
I'm in seventh grade,
cramming for this test...
I know I'm going to fail.
Sweet.
Look at this shit.
It's like, uh,
fucking Romper Room here.Yeah.
It's all kids' stuff.
Look at this shit.
Is that your Mom and Pops ?
Yeah.Where are they ?
Oh, they're dead.Oh, oops.
That's too bad.
Why you live in a motel ?
Where should I live ?I don't know.
You know, apartment, condo.
Hey, you want one ?
There you go.
There's something
funny about you.
You're funny, huh ?
Maybe. People used to say
I'm funny.
They'd say, "Sam, you're funny.
You should be an actor."
I never wanted to be an actor
or nothing, but people kept
saying that...
and I was like,
well, it beats
laying fucking carpet.
Okay, yeah.
I gotta try
that part again, okay ?
"Oh, it won't be dark
for hours."
Yeah, Frank, a cookie
sounds good to me.
"I don't know, Hank.
I don't trust her."
What's the line ?"Come on,
don't be a chicken."
Come on,
don't be a chicken."I'm not a chicken."
All right, all right,
that's enough.
My head's spinning.
I don't know.
I don't know
about that chick.
Who, Beverly ? Yeah, Beverly.
I think she's got problems.
I mean, I think
she wishes she had a cock.
You know what I'm saying ?
Well, she's all right.
Yeah, she's all right.
I'd like to fucking--
I don't know. I wonder
what her twat looks like.
You ever wonder that ?
It's like sometimes
she'll be talking to me...
and all I can think is...
"What's your twat look like ?
Why don't you show it to me,
you fucking bitch ?"
Yeah, I'm twisted.
I got problems.
I know I do.
You look like
this friend of mine. Yeah ?
That's cool. My best friend.
I'm nervous.
Nervous about what ?
I don't think my friend
is gonna come to the play.Why not ?
I don't think he wants
to be my friend anymore.
Why not ? I don't know.
Because...
I'm not normal.
Buck, you're normal.
But I know
if he saw the play...
he'd remember the way things
used to be with us...
and all the things we did.
I think he'd change his mind
about me, you know ? Hey,
the least this guy can do
is get off his ass
and come see it.
I mean, you just gotta
make him come.
Take care.You too.
I will
see you soon.Oh, tomorrow, right ?
Yeah.Bye.
Hey. Oh, my God.
Buck...
You scared me.Oh, I'm sorry.
Jesus.I was gonna call you, but
your phone's been disconnected.
Yeah, well, someone kept
calling us and hanging up.
Yeah. Well, um, I wanted
to tell you about my play.
See, I have this play,
and, um...
they're doing
a performance of it.You do ?
Yeah, Monday night at 8:00.
I told Chuck about it,
but I'm just--
I'm not sure
if he, um... he's gonna--
Where is it ?
It's-It's
at the Aeternus Theater.
Well, we'll try
to be there.
It sounds...
illuminating.
Are you ready ?
Um, you know,
could we just blow it off ?
I'm kind of tired.
You want to blow it off ?
Well, I'm going.
We don't have
to be nice. I want to see it.
I'm curious.
Are you coming or not ?
Hey, Tommy,
how's your hand ?Fine.
Hi.
Can I have these two seats
for my sister ?
No.I need them.
I don't care.
They're saved.
I'm the mother pheasant plucker.
I pluck mother pheasants.
I'm the most pleasant
mother pheasant plucker
to ever pluck a mother pheasant.
I'm not the pheasant plucker.
I'm the pheasant
plucker's mate.
I'm only
plucking pheasants 'cause
the pheasant plucker's late.
I'm not the pheasant plucker.
I'm the pheasant
plucker's wife.
I've been plucking
mother pheasants my whole
pheasant plucking life.
Hey, hey.
Hey, Buck.Hey.
They almost
took your seats.Okay.
You should come on.
All right.
So, uh, here...
are your... seats.
And, uh--
Hey--
Oh. Okay.
Well, I'll see you
after the show.
Okay.
Get up, Buddy.
Come on.
Wake up, Buddy.
He's not gonna wake up,
Frank.
Come on, Buddy.
He's dead, Frank.
He's been sitting there
for hours.
He's not gonna wake up.
You don't even care.
Buddy's dead.
Ah, it's not
such a big deal.Easy for you to say.
It's not your dog.
Forget about the dog, Frank.
I want to go
into the forest and play.
I love playing with you.
And today,
I'm gonna show you a new game.
Mmm, cookies.
Yum.
Yeah, Frank, a cookie
sounds good to me.
I don't know, Hank.
I don't trust her.
I know what you two
have been doing in the forest,
and you've been very bad.
Now, eat these cookies !
You keep talking and talking
and talking about that night,
but I don't remember.
It's because
she put a curse on you.
She put a curse on both of us.
She made me the cripple
that I am today.
Delilah is a witch.
My wife ?
Delilah ?
You can both go
to doggy heaven
for all I care !
I'm sorry, Frank.
I should have believed you.
And now it's too late.
We came
into this world together.
Now we're gonna die together.
You were right all along.
I shouldn't have made you
eat those cookies.
You were younger than me.
I shouldn't have
done that to you.
It was
'cause I loved you.
I'm sorry, Frank.
I love you.
I'm sorry, man.
I fucked up.
I thought I was gonna shit
in my pants out there.
I really did.That's okay.
Uh... thanks.
Hey.
Charlie, tell Buck
what you thought
of his play.
Charlie ?
We're having a cast party.
You guys should stay.
Well, are you sure
you can't stay for a minute ?
Hey, we did it.
I need to know what's going on. There's nothing going on.
There's something going on.You're the one
who felt sorry for him.
I told you,
he's fucking crazy.
Barry liked the play,
and he's asked me to direct
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
in February.
Isn't that great ?
We're taking off now.
And congratulations.
See ya.Good work, Sam.
You made it out alive.
Good night, guys.
My friend came.
He didn't like it.
I'm sure he liked it.
Ah, what does he know ?
You like this place ? Yeah.
You should move in
across the hall.
My fuckin' bitch neighbor--
She just moved out.
This chick
was from hell, man.
I couldn't play my music.
I couldn't party in the hall.
One day
she couldn't take it anymore.
She just starts crying,
calling me an asshole.
Anyway, she moved out.
Don't mess with Sam.
Oh, man...
what was that ?
Uh, I was just--What was that, Buck ?
I was gonna sleep over.
Get out of here ! I didn't
ask you to grab my cock !
Get the fuck out of here !
Ah... fuck.
When we were kids...
we did these things.
What things ?
Sex things.
I know all about that.
Kids are kids.
They experiment.
It's completely normal.
What happened
wasn't normal.
You know, Buck,
I'm worried about you.
You've lost your mother.
That's hard.
He started it.
He made me this way.
It was
a long time ago.So ?
You need to let go.
You have to create
something new.
You want to act like I'm crazy,
but the truth is...
I was here way before you...
and I know what you are.
You're like his house...
or his car.
That's all.
Chuck and me--
He's all I have.You don't have him.
Buck, I'm gonna give you
the number of my therapist.
She can recommend
someone for you.
I want you
to get help.
Nine Iron fills seats.
It's the other thing
we're worried about. Freudian.
Freudian's a great band.
Come on.
If we could
get Nine Iron
for the L.A. shows,
we would be happy
to work something
with Freudian.
How many shows is that ? It's two shows.
Two shows.
Right. It's in town.
It's gonna be
really good for us.
And then, maybe,
if we give you San Francisco--
We're leaning
really far on this.
Um, can you guys
hold on a minute ?
Sure.I'll be right back.
You followed me here,
didn't you ?
I have some things
to say to you.
I don't give a shit.
Now, I've got some
promoters here.
I don't
have time for you;
not now, not ever.
Well, if you want me
to leave you alone, then you'll
listen to me for a few minutes.
I have some things to say.
What the fuck
was that yesterday ?
Was that some kind of joke ?
Jesus, Buck,
you need help.
You want
to order something ?
No !
I have people here.
I told you that.
Didn't you hear me ?
After I'm finished
with them, I'll have
one drink with you,
and you can tell me
whatever the fuck it is
you have to say.
Jesus, Buck.
All right, man.
Thanks for the drinks.All right,
Charlie.
Good to see you.
I met a friend, so I'm gonna have to hang with him.
What can I get you ?
Anothermartini.
A rum and Coke.Okay.
So, talk.
I... I know that things
have changed.
I know that...
things can't be
the way they were.
"The way they were" ?
We were 11 years old.
You act like it's weird
that I've changed...
like it's some
freak occurrence...
that I don't want
to climb trees
with you all day.
- People don't change.
- Yes, they do.
They do, Buck.
Maybe not you,
but everybody else.
It's like
you've been trapped
in some time capsule.
Why ? What are you
afraid of ?
Right now...
when it's just
you and me here...
it's like... I'm okay.
I know you.
It was me and you.
And all this other stuff...
makes me feel... dead.
And I don't want
to feel dead.
Thanks.
You want me to go away ?
Well then,
come home with me tonight.
This one night,
and then--
I don't know.
You'll never hear
from me again.
You know, I, um...
I gotta go.
What's so funny ?
Chuck and Buck and suck
and fuck and Chuck...
and yuck and muck
and fuck and--
Do you remember me ?
Yeah, I remember you.
I remember everything.
Buck.
Turn that off.
I'm gonna
go home now.
I don't want you to go.
We had a deal.
Okay ?
You've got
to grow up.
Like you ?
I'm trying,
you know ?
There's
somebody else
in my life now.
Good-bye, Buck.
Hey, Buck.
Buck, what's wrong ?
There's no love for me.
Not anymore.
Yes, there is.
Yes, there is.
I like Coke.
I miss my mom.
I'm afraid of a lot
of things, you know ?
I am too.You are ?
Lots of things.
I'm a mess.
Hey.
Uh, I just wanted
to come by and, um...
say I'm sorry.
What, do you want to hump me
or something ?
No.
I'm just--
I'm just sorry.
Don't ever do that to me again
'cause I don't want to hump you.
Yeah, okay.
You know what I think ?
I think you gotta move in
across the hall.
I don't want
some bitch movin' in
that's gonna get up my ass.
I need somebody
in there like you:
someone who's gonna
let me be me and let me
do my shit, you know ?
Should I really ?Yeah, why not ?
I don't want some bitch
moving in there.
Good job, guys.
Take a break.
Yes, very nice.
How are you guys doing ?
Good.Good.
So, where do you
want this ?
Yeah, right there
is okay.
I just want to say,
basically, thank you.
Thank you.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'sa hit.
I think it's going to go on
and on, and I wanted to thank
you, Beverly, very much.
Well, I'm glad that the board
is happy and that the theater
is doing fine...
and that the whole season
is all locked up now.
But I-I'd like to see us
try something meatier.
Does it always have to be
children's theater ?
No, of course not. I mean, I'd like
to get my hands...
on an Ibsen
or a Chekhov.
I don't know.
Something more intense.
You know what
I mean, Barry.
I'll take the white one.
He'll take the chocolate.
Let's see how you do with it.
Just do Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Just keep it in the back
of your mind. It's in the front of my mind.
Here's to
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Hey, Jake.Hey, Buck.
Hey, guys.Hi.Hi.
Hi.
Okay. Yeah. Hold on.
Buck,
a letter came
for you.
Well, I'm sure that
those changes will
make a difference.
- Okay, all right.
- I'll talk to you later.
What is it ?
It's an invitation
to a wedding.
Who's getting married ?
This guy I know.
Look at you.
What the fuck ?
Uh, I'm going
to a wedding.
Man, you look great.Thanks.
I'm gonna be late.All right.
Why don't you stop by later ?
Okay. See you later.All right. Hey, can I borrow
that jacket sometime ?
Uh... okay.All right.
Do you, Charles,
take Carlyn to be
your lawful-wedded wife,
to love and to honor her
from this day forward...
for as long as you both
shall live ?
I do.
And do you, Carlyn,
take Charles to be your
lawful-wedded husband,
to have and to hold him
from this day forward...
for as long as you both
shall live ?
I do.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Good cake.
I love wedding cake.
Yeah, it's sweet.
Closed-Captioned By
What's that ?
A friend of mine--
His mom has died.
That's awful.
Yeah.
You want to get
something to eat first ?
No, we're late already.
Condolences
to your family.
I'm sorry.Thank you.
Hey, when did you
get here ?Oh, just this morning.
I'm really sorry
about your mom.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Buck, this is Carlyn,
my fiancee.I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you could make it.
I think about you all the time,
us as kids and stuff.
You don't look
much different.
You do.
Your face is fatter.
Hello.
How are you ?
We found out
she was dead.
Boo !Hey... hi.
Hey, are you guys bored ?
What are you doing ?
You wanna go see my room ?
This is my mom.
She's pretty.She would have
hated this:
all these people in her house.
It's kind of strange to see you
after all these years.
I mean,
under these circumstances.
Guess who this is ?
It's me
and Chuck."Chuck" ?
I go by Charlie now,
pretty much.
Chuck and Buck.
That's so adorable.
Look at you guys.
You're such little cuties.
I have a whole box of pictures.
You guys should spend the night.
- We gotta get back.
- We got a flight at 8:00.
Back to L.A. ?
You live there too ?
Mm-hmm.Yeah, we live together.
You should
come visit L.A.
Uh, hey !
Hey.
So... I was thinking
that, uh... you should stay...
and go back tomorrow.
Um, I wish we could.
It's just work
and everything.
But you should visit
in L.A.
You should--
What--
Hey, what are you
doing, man ? No !
We're going.
Okay.
Don't you want
to say good-bye ?Yeah, I did.
Hey, this is a message
for Chuck.
Hey, Chuck, it's Buck.
How's it goin' ?
Um... I, uh... was
thinking about what you said
about coming to Los Angeles,
and, uh... I thought
I might do that.
So, um... uh...
you know--
Oh, my number
is 805-555-4322,
in case
you don't have it.
And, um--
So, you know, call me...
and, uh, let me know,
you know... whatever.
Okay ? All right ?
Okay. Bye.
Nine thousand four,
nine thousand five,
nine thousand six,
nine thousand seven,
nine thousand eight,
nine thousand nine.
That's $10,000.
Thank you.
Hey, Pilar.Hi.
Hey, buddy, it's Charlie
calling you back.
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks
are in town this week,
then the following week,
I'm going to New York
on business.
So the next month or two
is gonna be pretty bad--
The next month or two
is gonna be pretty bad,
but I'll call you
after I get back from my trip,
and we can work something out.
So, it was good
to see you after so long,
and I hope you're doing okay.
And I'll call you.
Later.
It's Charlie calling you back
on Thursday.
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks are
in town this week--
Listen, we'd love
to have you come to visit.
Carlyn's folks
are in town this week,
then the following week
I'm going to New York
on business.
So the next month or two
is going to be pretty bad,
but I'll call you
after I get back from my trip,
and we can work something out.
Hi.Hi.
That's a really nice shirt.
My mom bought it for me.
Well, can I help you
with something ?
I'm here see to Chuck Sitter.
Charles.
He's up on the sixth floor.
If you hold on for one second,
I'll call up.
Hi, it's Diane.
There's a, um--
What's your name ?
What ?
What's your name ?
No. No.
I'm delivering some artwork.
- Sitter, sixth floor.
- All right.
Is that so ?
That's cold.
He disrespected you.
Hey, whoa ! Hold up !
Wait up. Hold the door.
Hi.How can I help you ?
Um... do you
put on plays here...
and people come
and see 'em ?Well, this is a theater.
Well, say I thought
of a play.
W-Would you
put that on ?You've written a play ?
Never.
Oh. Just creating
a hypothetical scenario ?
What if, um--
What if I didn't
want you to read it ?
Well, you could write
at the top of the page,
"Don't let Beverly read it."
I'll beg and plead,
but they won't let me read it.Oh, no.
What I meant was--I know what you meant.
You could rent out the theater.
On Monday evenings
they make it available
for just...
you know, secret plays.
Okay.
Thanks.
So why are you always standing
in front of the theater ?
Oh, um...
I'm waiting for my friend.
Hey.Buck, what the hell--
What are you doing in L.A. ?I've moved here.
You live here ?
Since when ?
Oh, not that long,
just a few weeks.
Wow.
What are you doin' ?
I was over at,
um--Georgio's ?
The food's great
if you like fish.What are you doing in L.A. ?
Um, putting on a play.
You are ?
Yeah, I was thinking
about those plays
we used to put on.
I was thinking
about the devil
and the reindeer.
"The devil
and the reindeer" ?Uh-huh.
It was--They both have horns,
so they team up
against Santa.
How was New York ?
Oh, it got canceled.
Um, I didn't go.
Oh... I see.
We're having
some people over
tomorrow night.
It's a little party
for Charlie's promotion.
Yeah, I should have
remembered that.
Yeah, you should come.
It'll be great.
I'll give you directions.
You have a pen ?
Yeah.Oh, I can find it.
What time ?
People are coming
around 10:00, 10:30.
It starts at 8:00.Whenever.
That will be great.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
Great. Bye.
See you tomorrow.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Buck.Oh, hi.
You made it.Yeah.
You look nice.
Can I get you
something ?
Something
to drink or eat ?
A rum and Coke ?Okay.
Rum and Coke for him,
and I'll take the chardonnay.
You bet.
So you made it.
Did you have any trouble
finding the house ?
Where's Charlie ?I don't know.
I think he's probably
out back or something.
I love those West Indian
basket women things you have
in the living room.
Thank you. I was afraid
people were gonna think
they were racist.
My decorator
pushed me into it.
Jolie, this is Buck,
a friend of Charlie's from home.
How do you do ?Oh, hi.
I'm gonna go make the rounds.By all means,
go play hostess.
And you're friends
with Charlie ?
Oh, yeah, best friends,
when we were kids.
What do you do in L.A.,
Buck ?Oh, nothing.
I know a lot of people
who have that job.
It's one of the better jobs.
I bet you're very good at it.
I kind of want to talk
to Charlie right now.Okay.
I think he's out back.But thanks
for talking to me.
It was nice meeting you.
Hey, Chuck.Hey, man.
You want a drink ?Oh, no, I have one.
Okay,
see you in a second.
Oh--Oh, hey.
Sorry.
I was just looking around.
That's okay.
I was just gonna
touch up my makeup.
Are you having
any fun ?
Yeah. I noticed
there's no pictures
of me anywhere.
Oh, yeah.
Charlie doesn't have
any pictures.
He's not
a very sentimental guy.
What was he like
when you knew him ?
Oh, he was fun.
Yeah, we had fun.
I think Charlie
wants to hang out
with his other friends tonight.
Well, there are
a lot of people here from
his work and everything.
He really cares a lot
about his work, but I know
he's glad you're here.
They are incredible.
I think they're gonna be huge.That's probably true.
Look at Paul Shaffer.
Bonnie Raitt ? Hootie ?
Where's your music
supervisor from, Fresno ?
Hey, Chuck.
Hey, Buck.
Buck, this is Josh Weintraub.
This is Tony Maxwell.
- How you doin' ?
- Vince Duffy.
How's it ?
And Melissa--Booth.
Buck's a friend
of mine from up north.
So, how's it goin' ?
I like your house.
Uh, do you--
Um... it-it's very--
Who, um--Spit it out, Buck.
It's very old-persony.
The last time Buck and I saw
each other, we were camping out
in his parents' backyard,
eating potato chips
and playing spy games.
The good old days.Exactly.
He went by Chuck,
and I was Buck,
so we were Chuck and Buck.
All the other kids
wanted to play with us,
but we wouldn't let 'em.
Charlie hasn't changed.
He's still a very
exclusive guy.
We'd get
in such royal trouble too.
Once my parents grounded me
for a week because--
Listen, I'm gonna
go get a drink.Oh, Charlie, I'd love to--
Yeah, I know.
I'm just gonna be--
Did you
see the jacket ?
Hello ?
Hello, is Charlie there ?Is this Buck ?
Yeah, hi.
Hold on.
Talk to him.I don't want to.
Buck, um...
Charlie's not around,
but I'll let him know
you called.
Okay.
Okay. Bye.Bye.
Okay, Mr. Wise Tree.
Don't forget, you know all
and you don't say anything.
Just move a little bit--
There you go. Perfect.
We're gonna take it from where
the scarecrow is having
a very hard time waking up.
Always face the audience.
Share that face
with the audience.
Don't forget,
you're made out of straw.
We need Dorothy.
This is you, sweetheart.
Try to wake him up.
Okay, wake up.
Wake up, straw man.
Wake up, straw man !
Well, if it isn't the man
that's waiting for his friend.
Hey.
Do you remember me ?
Stand up.
Oh, well, um...
I wrote a play.
- Oh, you did ?
- Yeah, and I was kind of hoping
you could help me.
What ?
Direct ? Produce ?
Yeah.
Well, I'm the house manager.
- I don't know shit
about directing.
- That's okay.
Nah, it wouldn't work.
You'd have to pay me
by the hour.
How much ?
- Twenty-five dollars an hour.
- Okay.
Whoops.
What's all this stuff ?
Here it is.This is it ?
Yeah.
Let me--
"Hank and Frank."
Is this
a children's play ?Well, it has kids in it.
Um, in the first part,
they're kids,
and in the second part,
they're, they're older.
Uh-huh.
Time lapse, huh ? Gotcha.
So when
can you read it ?
I don't think this is
a children's play.
It's... way out there.
I think you have
something weird
about women.
I think you have
something weird about men.
How old are you ?
Twenty-seven.
Your face is, uh--
It's twitching.
Oh, yeah.
Sometimes it, um--
I have a--
When I'm nervous--
So how many nights
do you want to book
the theater ?
One."One" ?
You're just gonna do it
for one night only ?
Well, all right.
Uh, I can reserve
the first Monday
in December.
That will give us
four weeks' rehearsal.
Now, about the $25 an hour--
Are you bullshitting me ?
No.
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna ask you
to pay me every week,
and I'll keep a record
of my hours.
Hi, Jamila.
It's Diane.
There's a Buck O'Brien here
to see Charlie.
He says he doesn't
have an appointment.
He's in a meeting,
but you can wait here
and then he'll see you.
Hi, Di.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Jamila.
I'm Charlie's assistant.
He's still in a meeting,
but you can come up
and wait if you want.
Oh, okay.
Get that
cover letter to Ed Stegner. Mm-hmm.
Ask the people in his office
if they sent those tapes
with the samples on them.
Oh, they did.
I have it.
Jesus, I've been
asking you for those
tapes for two days.
Well, it just came.
Hey, Buck. You have
a good time at the party
the other night ?
Sure.
At first.
I don't know about parties.
They were all asking me
what I do.
How's the play ? The play ?
Well, it's not really--
But what I want--
I wanna spend time,
uh, hanging out...
with you
and catching up.
Yeah. I mean, me too.
That'd be great.
Yeah, because we really haven't
seen each other, and I feel bad
that we didn't keep up.
You know,
I feel like it's my fault.
It's not your fault.
I mean, I moved.
These things happen.
So...
what have you been doing ?
Well... my mom was sick
for, like, five years.
So I was
kind of taking care of her.
Yeah,
that must have been tough.
Hey, that's my band.
I signed those guys.
'cause I thought about you
all the time, you know.
After you left,
I didn't really get
into school at all, you know.
I didn't like
the other kids so much.
All the homework and sports--
It just wasn't fun.
It's weird you have this office.
What do you do in here ?
Sign bands... and produce...
and negotiate contracts.
It's not
all that interesting.
That's funny.
That's really funny,
'cause, do you remember,
we used to play games
like we were businessmen ?
Remember we bought
all those office supplies ?
And now you're,
like, really doing it.
Is it real now
or is it still like a game ?
It's pretty real.
Remember all those games
we used to play ?
Charlie, Marion Cash.
I'll return--
No, I'll take it.
Uh, Buck...
I gotta go back to work.
Oh, okay. But I'm glad
you came by.
We should get some lunch
sometime, okay ?
Just give Jamila your number,
and we'll get together.
Oh, all right.
Well, um... bye, Chuck.
I'm glad that we're--Yeah, me too.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I want to get
a picture of us.
Um... right now ?
I was kind
of hoping, yeah.
Okay.
Jamila ?
Yes ?
Can you help us out here,
please ?
Here.
You guys ready ?Take the picture.
One...two...three.
There you go.Thanks.
I'll get it.
Want me to get it ?No, I got it.
Hey, Buck.Oh, hey.
Ever thought of using a phone ?
Oh, I was just gonna
drop something by.
I can come back later.
Hey, Buck.Well, hi.
Can I get you
something to drink ?
Oh, no...
that's all right.
Would you like
some coffee,
a bagel ?
- Would you like some ice cream ?
- Really ?
I like ice cream.Okay.
Do you want some,
Charlie ?Nope.
- What you got there ?
- Oh, this ?
I made this for Chuck.
Wow.
Yeah, I saw that you didn't
have any pictures of us,
so I made this for you.That's really
creative.
This is the picture
we took today.
Today ?Oh, yeah.
Buck, um... visited me
in the office.
I made one of my mom,
and then one of me and my dad,
and then this one.
It took a long time.
I bet.
Okay, let me get you
that ice cream.
So do you remember
all these pictures ?
Kind of. I had copies
of 'em made...
so I could cut 'em up.
So, do you like it ?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's great.
I like strawberry.
Well, um... I'm gonna
go up to bed.
Really ?Yeah,
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, so am I.
It was nice
to see you again, Buck.
Right.
Thanks for the ice cream.
I'll be up in a minute.Okay.
So what should we do ?
Oh, I've got to wake up
early tomorrow.
I think we should
play a game.
What do you mean ?
Like Trivial Pursuit
or something ?
Yeah.
Or like, you know--
What ?
Like some other kind
of game.
Like what ?
Can she hear us ?
Carlyn ?
What are you talking about ?
Like one of those games
where you stick your dick
in my mouth...
and I stick mine in yours.
Chuck and Buck, suck and fuck.
I think you should
get out of here, Buck.
I mean it.
Get out, now.
So this is the Frank pile,
and this is the Hank pile,
and this is the witch pile.
Okay.
I think I have
your little Hank and Frank.
I don't know if they're gonna
be able to memorize all those
lines, but let me get them.
Jake, Tommy,
can you come up here, kids ?
Hey, guys, this is Buck.
Say hello.
Hello.Hi.
Okay, guys.
Thanks.
Um, well, I think the one
with the dark hair...
is okay for Hank,
but the other one's
not really right
for Frank.
Buck, he's a good little actor.
He was the Cheshire Cat...
in the Alice in Wonderlandshow
we did, and he was hilarious.
He may not be what you're
looking for, but I don't think
we're gonna get any better.
All right, guys,
fill out the sign-in sheet:
name, telephone number,
any acting experience
you might have and--
All right.
I need your head shots,
please.
What if you
don't got an agent ?
Well, just fill in
your telephone number.
What if your phone's
out of order ?
I know who you are.
You fooled Hank,
but you haven't fooled me.
Don't you see, Hank ?
Are you too blind to see
what's in front of you ?
I know who you are,
and you fooled him,
but you haven't fooled me.
You put
that curse on me.
Don't you remember
anything ?
She's evil, Hank.
Evil !
Now in this scene,
you are playing Hank's
girlfriend, Delilah.
She's sweet, loving,
fun whenever Hank's around,
but Frank sees
right through you.Okay.
I don't know what
you're talking about, Frank.
You were Hank's friend,
and I felt sorry for you.
But I won't stand for this,
and Hank won't either.
So unless you want
to go back to that hellhole,
I suggest you clean up your act.
Very nice.
Thank you.
My name's Adam.
I'm reading for Hank.
I see.
I'm your friend,
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she wouldn't hurt a fly.
Um--
I'm going out.
But when I get back,
I hope you'll make things right.
I'm telling you the truth,
She's a witch.
Frank... do it for me.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hi, how you doin' ?
Sam, is it ?
Yeah.
Where are you from ?
All over.
New Jersey.
Hmm.
You've been
acting long ?
Nah. Some commercials:
Mountain Dew, some others.
Okay, go ahead.
Frank, you're my friend,
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.
And now you've really hurt her.
Hmm... okay.
Hank is really upset.
He's had it up to here.
Do you think
you could try it
a little more--
Like really mad ? Exactly.
Frank, you're my friend...
and I would do anything for you.
But I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.
And now
you've really hurt her.
I can't stand
to see her like this.
I'm going out now,
but when I get back, I hope
you'll have made things right.
I'm telling you the truth.
She's a witch.
Frank, do it for me !
Great. Thanks
for coming in.
Yeah, that felt better.
Here.Oh, hey.
Wow.
Thanks.
Well, now all we have left
to do is decide on Hank.
I think it's pretty obvious
who we should go with.
No, I like this guy.
You're kidding, right ?
He was the worst thing
we saw today. He can't act.
I thought
he was all right.
Buck, no.
He can't act at all.
No.
I mean, no.
He is a moron.
- I think him.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
Hello. Is Charlie there ?
Hi, Buck.Hi.
I'm sorry, he's not in.
I'll have him call you, okay ?
Did you tell him
it was important ?
Yep, I've told him,
but he's really busy.
Okay ?
Good-bye.
I wish he could, like,
just do his job.
Exactly.
Jamila ? Can I talk to you ?
Well--Just for a second.
Okay.
We'll meet you later.
Yeah,
I'll see you guys there.
He's there, isn't he ?
He could call me back.
He just doesn't want to.
Maybe. I mean,
I don't really know.
What's the matter ?
No, no, just tell him--
Forget it.
Just--
Whatever.
Hello ?
Buck ?Hi.
You really freaked out
my assistant today.
I did ?
Look, I'm sorry
your mother died,
and I know that we were
really good friends, once.
- We were best friends.
- Right, but that was
a long time ago.
My life is really
complicated right now.
I've got a ton of work.
I'm getting married.It's because of her, huh ?
Carlyn ?She doesn't like me.
She does like you, okay ?
It's not her.
A lot has changed.
I can't deal with you.
I'm not the same person anymore.
What do you mean ?
I don't know why
you've fixated on me.
Yes, you do.
Look, don't call.
Don't call me at home.
Don't call at the office.
Don't stop by unannounced.
Just stay away.
He's not gonna wake up, Frank.
It's only bad luck
if it drops in the mud. Says who ?
Says everybody.
Take this shovel
and start digging.
Find a place
where the ground is soft.
Hey.
Hey.
So you wrote this ?Yeah.
How long did it take ?
A few days.
A few days, huh ?
That's all ?
It's pretty good.Thanks.
Don't thank me. Thank you.
You wrote a fantastic play.
- I'll see you later.
- Yeah, all right.
Take care.
Pick a color.Green.
G-r-e-e-n.
Pick a number.
Seven.
You already
picked seven.Eleven.
"You'll live
with the movie stars
in Beverly Hills."
Yep, that's me.
Have you ever played
this game ?Yeah.
Listen,
about the script--
I see it as a love story
between Hank and Frank.
You do ?Yeah.
Don't you ?
It's like a homoerotic,
misogynistic love story.
Oh. Well, it is what it is.
I don't know.
I mean, I wanted
to write something like...
like the kind of things
me and my friend used to do.
Let me do
a beat-by-beat analysis
of the play, okay ?
Okay.Hank and Frank
are this...
Waiting for Godot
little duo.
They're in the forest.
It's like paradise.Right.
This horrible wicked witch
woman appears.
They've trespassed.
She casts a spell
on both of them...
and makes Hank stupid.
And she turns Frank
into a cripple, which
is like castration.
She castrates him.
What do you mean ?
Like she...
takes his penis away.
What TV shows
do you watch ?
What TV shows do I watch ?
It's like a fairy tale,
you know ?
It's like Goldilocks
or, uh, Little Red Riding Hood.
You know, there's
some kids and the witch
and the curse and--
Hello ?
Hello ?
Who was it ?You know who it is.
It's Buck.
He calls here
every 15 minutes
and hangs up on me.
What's the deal ?
Uh, he's crazy.
Was he always
like this or--
Yeah.
His parents were nuts.
I feel sorry for him.
His mom just died.
Don't worry.
He'll stop calling,
eventually.
You're starting to feel the poison.
You get on your knees...
and you stumble across
towards Frank.
Now, Delilah,
stand between them.
I don't think
she should be standing there.
- Why not ?
- Unless you want me to hit her.
She just fucking killed me.
I'm not gonna just pass by.
"Oh, hey, hi.
How you doing ?"
- But you're weak
with the poison.
- I'm not that weak.
What if she stands
over there ?
Uh-uh.
I could still easily
pop her with my hand.
I know my wife,
and she couldn't hurt a fly.We're doomed, man.
I know I'm not
inviting my agent.You're not ?
No.
Fuck, no.
Can you keep it simple ?
See, what I don't understand
is "less angry."
I mean, I don't think
I'm angry enough.
What I mean is you can
show anger without screaming.
Just pull it down a bit.
You know that when you're angry,
you raise your voice ?
You know that ?
Try it...
without screaming.
I know my wife.
She couldn't hurt a fly,
and now you've really hurt her.
Sadie ! Sadie !
She won't come.
- You want a Blow Pop ?
- Mom !
Mom !
Can I have
a Blow Pop ?
No, your lunch
is almost ready.
Come on,
please ?No.
Here, you can have
a lick of mine.
Mom says
they'll rot my teeth out.
I eat 'em all the time
and look.
This is top-secret stuff,
okay ?Okay.
Nobody knows about this.
Look. Black Cats.
I tried to stick one
up Sadie's butt.
Sadie hates me.
Let's light one off.Okay.
Oh, my God, Mommy !
Mommy, help !
What ?
Oh, my God ! Tommy !
- What happened ?
- He had some firecrackers.
Keep working, guys,
okay ?
I need to talk to you.
What happened yesterday ?
When ?With Tommy,
yesterday.
He set off a firecracker,
and he burned his hand.
Yes, and his mother
is freaking out.
She's pulling him
out of the play.She is ?
She's pulling him
out of both plays.
Barry is totally
pissed off at me.
Hell, why didn't you
stop him ?
I don't know.Buck, when you're
around kids,
you need to protect them.
Remember, you're an adult.
I know it doesn't give you
much time, but our backs
are against the wall.
So what
do you think ?
It's fine
with me.
Now, would we be playing it
like little kids ?
Like, uh, like, like...
"La-la-la,
I'm a little kid" ?
You wouldn't be playing it
like a little retarded kid,
but, yes,
you would be
acting youthful.
Fine, all right.
I'll do it.
Charlie Sitter's office.
Hello, this is
Bob Double...berg.
Charlie, Bob Doubleberg.Who ?
He says
he's returning your call.Take a number.
Hello.
Hello.Hey, Chuck,
it's Buck.
I didn't think
you would return
my call so--
What do you want, Buck ?
Well, the play
that I wrote--
They're putting it on
a week from Monday...
and I was hoping
you could come.
I don't know, Buck.
I don't--
I think you might
want to see it.
You know, it, uh--
It would mean
a lot to me.
It's at the Aeternus Theater.
It's right across the street
from your office.
You know,
it's not that great a play,
but I think you might like it.
I've got to get off the phone.
I've got another call.
Thanks for letting me know.
I'll see what I can do.
Chuck, please come,
okay ?
You got to understand,
Delilah.
Line."Things have been hard
for Frank."
Things have been hard
for Frank.
What is it ?"He's been wandering
the forest for years."
He's been wandering
the forest for years.
Can I hold my script ?
If that's
what you need.
I feel like
I'm in seventh grade,
cramming for this test...
I know I'm going to fail.
Sweet.
Look at this shit.
It's like, uh,
fucking Romper Room here.Yeah.
It's all kids' stuff.
Look at this shit.
Is that your Mom and Pops ?
Yeah.Where are they ?
Oh, they're dead.Oh, oops.
That's too bad.
Why you live in a motel ?
Where should I live ?I don't know.
You know, apartment, condo.
Hey, you want one ?
There you go.
There's something
funny about you.
You're funny, huh ?
Maybe. People used to say
I'm funny.
They'd say, "Sam, you're funny.
You should be an actor."
I never wanted to be an actor
or nothing, but people kept
saying that...
and I was like,
well, it beats
laying fucking carpet.
Okay, yeah.
I gotta try
that part again, okay ?
"Oh, it won't be dark
for hours."
Yeah, Frank, a cookie
sounds good to me.
"I don't know, Hank.
I don't trust her."
What's the line ?"Come on,
don't be a chicken."
Come on,
don't be a chicken."I'm not a chicken."
All right, all right,
that's enough.
My head's spinning.
I don't know.
I don't know
about that chick.
Who, Beverly ? Yeah, Beverly.
I think she's got problems.
I mean, I think
she wishes she had a cock.
You know what I'm saying ?
Well, she's all right.
Yeah, she's all right.
I'd like to fucking--
I don't know. I wonder
what her twat looks like.
You ever wonder that ?
It's like sometimes
she'll be talking to me...
and all I can think is...
"What's your twat look like ?
Why don't you show it to me,
you fucking bitch ?"
Yeah, I'm twisted.
I got problems.
I know I do.
You look like
this friend of mine. Yeah ?
That's cool. My best friend.
I'm nervous.
Nervous about what ?
I don't think my friend
is gonna come to the play.Why not ?
I don't think he wants
to be my friend anymore.
Why not ? I don't know.
Because...
I'm not normal.
Buck, you're normal.
But I know
if he saw the play...
he'd remember the way things
used to be with us...
and all the things we did.
I think he'd change his mind
about me, you know ? Hey,
the least this guy can do
is get off his ass
and come see it.
I mean, you just gotta
make him come.
Take care.You too.
I will
see you soon.Oh, tomorrow, right ?
Yeah.Bye.
Hey. Oh, my God.
Buck...
You scared me.Oh, I'm sorry.
Jesus.I was gonna call you, but
your phone's been disconnected.
Yeah, well, someone kept
calling us and hanging up.
Yeah. Well, um, I wanted
to tell you about my play.
See, I have this play,
and, um...
they're doing
a performance of it.You do ?
Yeah, Monday night at 8:00.
I told Chuck about it,
but I'm just--
I'm not sure
if he, um... he's gonna--
Where is it ?
It's-It's
at the Aeternus Theater.
Well, we'll try
to be there.
It sounds...
illuminating.
Are you ready ?
Um, you know,
could we just blow it off ?
I'm kind of tired.
You want to blow it off ?
Well, I'm going.
We don't have
to be nice. I want to see it.
I'm curious.
Are you coming or not ?
Hey, Tommy,
how's your hand ?Fine.
Hi.
Can I have these two seats
for my sister ?
No.I need them.
I don't care.
They're saved.
I'm the mother pheasant plucker.
I pluck mother pheasants.
I'm the most pleasant
mother pheasant plucker
to ever pluck a mother pheasant.
I'm not the pheasant plucker.
I'm the pheasant
plucker's mate.
I'm only
plucking pheasants 'cause
the pheasant plucker's late.
I'm not the pheasant plucker.
I'm the pheasant
plucker's wife.
I've been plucking
mother pheasants my whole
pheasant plucking life.
Hey, hey.
Hey, Buck.Hey.
They almost
took your seats.Okay.
You should come on.
All right.
So, uh, here...
are your... seats.
And, uh--
Hey--
Oh. Okay.
Well, I'll see you
after the show.
Okay.
Get up, Buddy.
Come on.
Wake up, Buddy.
He's not gonna wake up,
Frank.
Come on, Buddy.
He's dead, Frank.
He's been sitting there
for hours.
He's not gonna wake up.
You don't even care.
Buddy's dead.
Ah, it's not
such a big deal.Easy for you to say.
It's not your dog.
Forget about the dog, Frank.
I want to go
into the forest and play.
I love playing with you.
And today,
I'm gonna show you a new game.
Mmm, cookies.
Yum.
Yeah, Frank, a cookie
sounds good to me.
I don't know, Hank.
I don't trust her.
I know what you two
have been doing in the forest,
and you've been very bad.
Now, eat these cookies !
You keep talking and talking
and talking about that night,
but I don't remember.
It's because
she put a curse on you.
She put a curse on both of us.
She made me the cripple
that I am today.
Delilah is a witch.
My wife ?
Delilah ?
You can both go
to doggy heaven
for all I care !
I'm sorry, Frank.
I should have believed you.
And now it's too late.
We came
into this world together.
Now we're gonna die together.
You were right all along.
I shouldn't have made you
eat those cookies.
You were younger than me.
I shouldn't have
done that to you.
It was
'cause I loved you.
I'm sorry, Frank.
I love you.
I'm sorry, man.
I fucked up.
I thought I was gonna shit
in my pants out there.
I really did.That's okay.
Uh... thanks.
Hey.
Charlie, tell Buck
what you thought
of his play.
Charlie ?
We're having a cast party.
You guys should stay.
Well, are you sure
you can't stay for a minute ?
Hey, we did it.
I need to know what's going on. There's nothing going on.
There's something going on.You're the one
who felt sorry for him.
I told you,
he's fucking crazy.
Barry liked the play,
and he's asked me to direct
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
in February.
Isn't that great ?
We're taking off now.
And congratulations.
See ya.Good work, Sam.
You made it out alive.
Good night, guys.
My friend came.
He didn't like it.
I'm sure he liked it.
Ah, what does he know ?
You like this place ? Yeah.
You should move in
across the hall.
My fuckin' bitch neighbor--
She just moved out.
This chick
was from hell, man.
I couldn't play my music.
I couldn't party in the hall.
One day
she couldn't take it anymore.
She just starts crying,
calling me an asshole.
Anyway, she moved out.
Don't mess with Sam.
Oh, man...
what was that ?
Uh, I was just--What was that, Buck ?
I was gonna sleep over.
Get out of here ! I didn't
ask you to grab my cock !
Get the fuck out of here !
Ah... fuck.
When we were kids...
we did these things.
What things ?
Sex things.
I know all about that.
Kids are kids.
They experiment.
It's completely normal.
What happened
wasn't normal.
You know, Buck,
I'm worried about you.
You've lost your mother.
That's hard.
He started it.
He made me this way.
It was
a long time ago.So ?
You need to let go.
You have to create
something new.
You want to act like I'm crazy,
but the truth is...
I was here way before you...
and I know what you are.
You're like his house...
or his car.
That's all.
Chuck and me--
He's all I have.You don't have him.
Buck, I'm gonna give you
the number of my therapist.
She can recommend
someone for you.
I want you
to get help.
Nine Iron fills seats.
It's the other thing
we're worried about. Freudian.
Freudian's a great band.
Come on.
If we could
get Nine Iron
for the L.A. shows,
we would be happy
to work something
with Freudian.
How many shows is that ? It's two shows.
Two shows.
Right. It's in town.
It's gonna be
really good for us.
And then, maybe,
if we give you San Francisco--
We're leaning
really far on this.
Um, can you guys
hold on a minute ?
Sure.I'll be right back.
You followed me here,
didn't you ?
I have some things
to say to you.
I don't give a shit.
Now, I've got some
promoters here.
I don't
have time for you;
not now, not ever.
Well, if you want me
to leave you alone, then you'll
listen to me for a few minutes.
I have some things to say.
What the fuck
was that yesterday ?
Was that some kind of joke ?
Jesus, Buck,
you need help.
You want
to order something ?
No !
I have people here.
I told you that.
Didn't you hear me ?
After I'm finished
with them, I'll have
one drink with you,
and you can tell me
whatever the fuck it is
you have to say.
Jesus, Buck.
All right, man.
Thanks for the drinks.All right,
Charlie.
Good to see you.
I met a friend, so I'm gonna have to hang with him.
What can I get you ?
Anothermartini.
A rum and Coke.Okay.
So, talk.
I... I know that things
have changed.
I know that...
things can't be
the way they were.
"The way they were" ?
We were 11 years old.
You act like it's weird
that I've changed...
like it's some
freak occurrence...
that I don't want
to climb trees
with you all day.
- People don't change.
- Yes, they do.
They do, Buck.
Maybe not you,
but everybody else.
It's like
you've been trapped
in some time capsule.
Why ? What are you
afraid of ?
Right now...
when it's just
you and me here...
it's like... I'm okay.
I know you.
It was me and you.
And all this other stuff...
makes me feel... dead.
And I don't want
to feel dead.
Thanks.
You want me to go away ?
Well then,
come home with me tonight.
This one night,
and then--
I don't know.
You'll never hear
from me again.
You know, I, um...
I gotta go.
What's so funny ?
Chuck and Buck and suck
and fuck and Chuck...
and yuck and muck
and fuck and--
Do you remember me ?
Yeah, I remember you.
I remember everything.
Buck.
Turn that off.
I'm gonna
go home now.
I don't want you to go.
We had a deal.
Okay ?
You've got
to grow up.
Like you ?
I'm trying,
you know ?
There's
somebody else
in my life now.
Good-bye, Buck.
Hey, Buck.
Buck, what's wrong ?
There's no love for me.
Not anymore.
Yes, there is.
Yes, there is.
I like Coke.
I miss my mom.
I'm afraid of a lot
of things, you know ?
I am too.You are ?
Lots of things.
I'm a mess.
Hey.
Uh, I just wanted
to come by and, um...
say I'm sorry.
What, do you want to hump me
or something ?
No.
I'm just--
I'm just sorry.
Don't ever do that to me again
'cause I don't want to hump you.
Yeah, okay.
You know what I think ?
I think you gotta move in
across the hall.
I don't want
some bitch movin' in
that's gonna get up my ass.
I need somebody
in there like you:
someone who's gonna
let me be me and let me
do my shit, you know ?
Should I really ?Yeah, why not ?
I don't want some bitch
moving in there.
Good job, guys.
Take a break.
Yes, very nice.
How are you guys doing ?
Good.Good.
So, where do you
want this ?
Yeah, right there
is okay.
I just want to say,
basically, thank you.
Thank you.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'sa hit.
I think it's going to go on
and on, and I wanted to thank
you, Beverly, very much.
Well, I'm glad that the board
is happy and that the theater
is doing fine...
and that the whole season
is all locked up now.
But I-I'd like to see us
try something meatier.
Does it always have to be
children's theater ?
No, of course not. I mean, I'd like
to get my hands...
on an Ibsen
or a Chekhov.
I don't know.
Something more intense.
You know what
I mean, Barry.
I'll take the white one.
He'll take the chocolate.
Let's see how you do with it.
Just do Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Just keep it in the back
of your mind. It's in the front of my mind.
Here's to
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Hey, Jake.Hey, Buck.
Hey, guys.Hi.Hi.
Hi.
Okay. Yeah. Hold on.
Buck,
a letter came
for you.
Well, I'm sure that
those changes will
make a difference.
- Okay, all right.
- I'll talk to you later.
What is it ?
It's an invitation
to a wedding.
Who's getting married ?
This guy I know.
Look at you.
What the fuck ?
Uh, I'm going
to a wedding.
Man, you look great.Thanks.
I'm gonna be late.All right.
Why don't you stop by later ?
Okay. See you later.All right. Hey, can I borrow
that jacket sometime ?
Uh... okay.All right.
Do you, Charles,
take Carlyn to be
your lawful-wedded wife,
to love and to honor her
from this day forward...
for as long as you both
shall live ?
I do.
And do you, Carlyn,
take Charles to be your
lawful-wedded husband,
to have and to hold him
from this day forward...
for as long as you both
shall live ?
I do.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Good cake.
I love wedding cake.
Yeah, it's sweet.
Closed-Captioned By