Classico (2022) Movie Script
Look at the mugs
of these little dickhead Parisian dogs.
Look at these clowns' shitty
Marseillais faces and wimpy bodies.
Hold this. I'll take them one by one.
They won't know what hit them.
We're not fighting.
We're here for our friend.
Guys, what did we say?
We show up,
get our cup back and get out of here.
That cup is our history.
It's our identity.
It's our star.
We're not leaving without it.
DAYS
BEFORE
THAEUROPEAN CHAMPION CLUBS' CUP
Of course they spoiled me...
Ladies and gentlemen, a historic moment.
OM are the European champions.
Here's Captain Didier Deschamps.
He goes to the cup,
shakes hands with the officials.
"Hello, madam. Hello, sir. Welcome."
That's it. Almost done.
He's going to lift it up.
He's doing it. He's going to kiss it.
There you have it!
OM are the European champions!
Nothing but joy on the fans' faces!
After 38 years,
OM are the champions...
-Good morning, Mr. President.
-Morning.
See, they changed
the neon lights and put in 30-watts.
Checking if it still shines.
Still shines?
Yes, like every morning, Sami.
-I'll never get tired of it.
-Never.
Say, Sami. I phoned my friend.
Why didn't you see his studio?
That's too bad.
Thank you, sir,
but I prefer to stay at the home.
-The kids need me.
-The kids need you.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Have a nice day, sir.
-You too.
You do look beautiful today.
Well, I'll email it to you
so you'll have it. Bye.
What's up, guys? Danny, I got you tickets.
Okay!
-Sami!
-Hey, kids!
How are the little monsters?
How are you? Doing okay?
-How are you?
-Okay?
-Yeah.
-Here, the four tickets you asked for.
-Wonderful.
-So Sami's your nanny, Dad?
No, Sami's not a nanny.
-He's like family.
-Are you going home?
-Yeah.
-Okay, see you tomorrow.
-See you tomorrow!
-Bye.
-Let's go.
-Dim, heads up!
You did the same for the corner shot.
European champions!
This is the best day of my life!
I'm pregnant!
-You're pregnant?
-Yes!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
See, Sami?
Your blood's not red.
Your blood's white and blue.
I love you, my son.
I love you, my son!
Two well-known fans
of Olympique de Marseille
were killed tonight in a tragic accident.
They were driving
to Bordeaux for an away game.
They leave behind their son,
Sami, aged six.
Our thoughts are with him.
Sami!
We start off the recipe
by tearing out the lung,
soaking up the sauce...
Here he is!
Mr. Ernest, how are you?
Fine.
I'll be better once the kids
get the ball out of my yard.
Ernest is generous,
but don't push it.
It would also be nice
if you'd stop deflating their ball.
Well, have a nice evening.
I'm taking Thanos to go poop.
That guy's unbelievable.
You okay, Thrse?
-Need some help?
-No, but thanks.
I just saw Ernest.
I'll beat him up one day.
Forget about that grouch.
Be a good neighbor.
-They're waiting to see you.
-Yes.
Stop pretending to be asleep, kids.
-Sami!
-Yeah!
How's the little monster doing?
Good to see you, dear Sami.
Stop it, Lil Macron. You're boring.
Yeah, stop it, Lil Macron.
-Sami, why do you always bring this stuff?
-What?
-Where's the Champions Cup?
-I can't just walk out with it.
I promised we'd go see it,
but not now. Be patient.
Sofiane, you okay?
-Yeah.
-With that silk bathrobe?
-Yeah?
-And those sunglasses?
-And?
-It's 9 p.m.
Yeah, and?
You're drenched in cologne.
Don't tell me you're going out.
What? I can't even smell good at night?
-Can't I live my life?
-Go. Now.
Don't be late tomorrow.
I'll look good for the Classico.
You bet.
I wanna see the cup.
-Yeah, me too!
-Me too.
To get lots of likes, like Bastien.
Look who's a little star.
Don't worry, you'll see it.
But for now, go to bed!
Can't blame us.
You've promised us for six months.
Yes, yes. Get to bed!
We are the Marseillais!
We are the Marseillais!
We're going to bed!
We're going to bed!
Go, OM!
-Good night, team.
-Good night!
Sofiane, your heart's on the left.
And that's how OM became
the first French team
to earn a star on their jersey.
Sami, draw the cup with the big ears.
And then you go to sleep, okay?
Lights out!
Seriously? They were just falling asleep.
Hey! What are you doing?
Don't wind up the dog.
-It's not a toy.
-Yes, it is.
-It isn't.
-It is.
-It isn't.
-It is.
No, it isn't.
So you're leaving us in a month?
-What do you mean?
-You didn't know?
You didn't hear it from me.
Mum's the word.
You know, because...
I heard the landlord's going to tear
all this down for a parking lot.
So, Ernest said, "Why not?"
Let's go.
Attack!
Good boy.
I didn't want to worry you.
They're kicking us out in a month.
How far behind are we with rent?
Let's see... Almost three weeks.
That's not too bad.
That's it. One year and three weeks.
You should've told me, Thrse.
This is crazy.
We're do-gooders,
and they're kicking us out.
I took on too many kids, Sami.
I've tried everything.
Charities, government welfare, sponsors...
I don't know what else to do.
So...
-So, what?
-Well...
I was watching the news
with Sofiane, and we agreed.
It's not a bad idea.
It'd only take 48 hours.
A round trip
between Marseille and Marbella.
You don't need to do anything.
Just bring back a package.
Are you crazy?
That's smuggling. You can go to jail.
Well, I've got lots of other ideas.
-Look.
-This worries me.
-"Gucci"!
-Oh.
I've got it all. Not bad, eh?
"Reebok." In every color.
I've got it all. Even a watch.
Look at this one.
Nice, huh?
"Psartek Philippe"?
Heard of it?
-Crazy!
-Move.
Let me take care of it. Forget about this.
Where will you find
the money in a month? Tell me.
Thrse.
Trust me, please.
What's with the name "Rentes & Shaton?"
FINAL EVICTION NOTICE
If we do nothing, they'll close the home.
No, they won't.
It's good you came to see me.
But these are big debts.
I know. But where to get the money?
I'll ask the OM Foundation.
Focus on the Classico.
We're going to beat Paris.
Thank you, President. Go OM!
The Classico of legends with Ravanelli!
A trip penalty. Remember?
-I do.
-Laurent Blanc.
-Yeah.
-Remember him?
-Hey, Jeff.
-All good, Jeff?
Remember who Laurent Blanc
was in the stands with?
-Who?
-Me.
What? You weren't even born!
YO
NO. 10
Kiki, tell him I was born
in the Velodrome.
Excuse me, Yo.
Can we talk about the inter-fan meeting?
Don't even think about fighting!
Just saying, in case someone's interested.
Who?
For example, I'm interested but...
KIKI
THE NUTJOB
-Great.
-Alone as usual.
So what do we put on the last banner?
"You all suck. Come over, you'll get"
No. We're being serious, Kiki.
If we can't say anything,
they can go fuck their moms.
That's it.
I knew you'd figure it out, champ.
Moms Nice and friendly.
Great sportsmanship.
Perfect, see?
What do you think, Jeff?
-Hey, Jeff.
-Are you okay?
JEFF
THE JOKER
-Did he drown in his pastis?
-I'm fine...
-Whatever.
-Tell us.
I got promoted.
-That's great!
-Good job.
-With a company car.
-Wow!
-Holiday vouchers.
-Oh!
-Meal vouchers.
-Come on!
-Yearly bonus.
-All right!
And it's in Paris.
-Tough luck.
-Cursed.
I know.
Hold on, Jeff.
Why is this letter addressed to "Kevin"?
My name's Kevin, but I shorten it to Jeff.
-You're Yohan, right?
-Yeah.
-But you go by Yo.
-Yeah.
Same for me. It's the short form.
Short form. Kevin, Jeff.
Right.
So what about the promotion?
What promotion?
-Paris isn't a promotion.
-He's crazy.
-It's a punishment!
-You nuts?
-Here.
-I'd rather die than go there.
-You need to resign.
-Resign?
-You have to.
-Okay, I will!
-I'm going to quit!
-Yeah!
What's wrong?
-If I resign...
-Yeah.
I'll lose my job.
That's the idea.
...high winds, the match
between Marseille and Paris.
The LFP has decided to postpone
this Classico match to a later date...
Pain in the ass!
Those bastards are always screwing us!
You're dead!
What are you doing?
I was a bit mad. Now I'm better.
It's okay. The match is just postponed.
We're still gonna beat Paris!
Go, OM!
Go, OM! Go, Marseille! Let's go!
Let's go!
You're a liar, Sami.
It's not my fault there's wind.
-You lied about the home.
-What?
The bailiffs came by
and we heard everything.
I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you.
Stop this nonsense. Lying by omission
is still a cheap trick.
We're closing in a month
and we'll be split up?
No, I'm handling it. Trust me, please.
No reason to panic.
Guys, I have an idea to save the home.
Sofiane, stop messing around.
Let the grown-ups handle it.
And how will you handle it?
By making empty promises?
We can only rely on ourselves.
-What's this?
-Thrse.
Tell them I have a plan.
-Sami has a plan.
-I really do have a plan.
Really, he does. Right.
Everyone in bed! It's a school night.
One thing at a time. Come on.
Let's go.
I'll go brush my teeth.
Sofiane, stop dragging your feet.
Hurry up.
No, Thrse! No!
Not this.
Not after everything you've done!
What's wrong with you?
What did I do?
It's cereal, then milk.
What?
I've done this for 30 years.
I know what to do.
Look at the box.
First you see the cereal, then milk.
That's just a picture!
Hello?
Yes, Mr. President.
No, I didn't see it.
What in the...
Is this a joke?
Damn it.
We didn't really steal it.
Just borrowing it.
If you just borrowed it,
where's the cup?
I swear it was here.
Okay, stay calm.
And tell me exactly what happened.
I'll go brush my teeth.
Wait, don't tell me you took my car.
I don't get it. Why take the cup?
Lil Macron, tell him what you told us.
The concept of supply and demand.
Given the rarity of the product,
and the number of likes on Bastien's pic,
at a price of 10 euros
per photo and per fan,
and this is only a low-ball offer,
we could solve the problem
with the home in one weekend.
Worst idea I've ever heard.
The cup is in the president's office.
We enter here.
Bastien, open the door
with Sami's key card.
Sophie, take care of the camera.
Guys, we won't have much time.
Unfortunately, we missed that camera.
-We were going to give it back.
-Shouldn't we be half-forgiven?
What do you mean? Do you realize
how much you screwed up here?
You realize that? You're not kids anymore!
Just when I've found a solution,
you go and do this?
Sami, come look!
What?
Look!
Damn it. No.
No!
They messed up your car.
Did you hear anything last night?
Those Paris fans were everywhere.
What?
Oh, no.
Damn. It was the Parisians.
What Parisians?
PARIS IS MAGICAL
They borrowed the cup
just to save the home.
It's put me in a difficult situation.
They screwed up, but they didn't steal it.
Well, I can't ask the OM Foundation now.
Trust me, they didn't steal it.
The Parisians did.
The Parisians? Makes no sense.
Why would they?
Who knows, to take it out
at the next Classico match?
Can you imagine the humiliation?
Humiliating, yes.
But I do have to call the police. Sorry.
No, don't do that, Mr. President.
They'll close the home,
and they'll be on the street.
Yes...
Think of the kids.
I know it's sad, but I have no choice.
Plus, it was your key card that was used.
I'm sorry, but you're laid off.
Come on.
Give me time and I'll find it.
-Find it where?
-In Paris.
Paris?
You won't last 20 minutes.
You've never left home.
Anything for the club.
Give me one chance to save the home.
I'll give you 15 days
until the Classico. But that's it.
Thank you, sir.
CLASSICO
D-15
I'll bring the cup home.
After the Paris-OM match was canceled,
Parisian fans who had traveled
showed their disappointment.
Hopefully things will calm down in 15 days
at the match at the Parc des Princes.
-You okay, kid?
-Good, Bernard. You?
Good, thank you.
-Mr. Pardo.
-How are you?
-It's an honor. You're a legend.
-Yeah?
Thank you.
-Marcus?
-Yes, Bernard?
-Bring me a dozen of these, please.
-Yes, right away.
-And a Mauresque too, please.
-Certainly.
So, friends, what's going on?
BERNARD PARDO
THE LEGEND
Well, I'm going to Paris.
I need to pass for a real Parisian.
You've played in both clubs.
What's the strategy to fit in?
Rule number one,
never smile.
If you smile in Paris, it's suspicious.
You'll get caught.
-Hey!
-What?
What did I just say?
-They'll out you immediately.
-Immediately.
Ciao. Kaput. Next.
Okay.
You have to sulk
in Paris.
If you pass out in the street,
they won't help you.
-No way.
-Step right over you.
Step over you
because they don't have the time.
No time.
And if someone jumps
onto the subway tracks,
what would you do?
Well, that's pretty crazy.
I'd call the police or an ambulance...
Wrong!
You yell.
Rule number two,
you yell.
Because you'll be late for work.
That's what's important.
Important.
Don't be sad. Don't be shocked.
-Grumble about it.
-Grumble?
Rule number three,
grumble all the time.
Now, show me your grumble.
Grumble.
No?
You need practice, kid.
Grumbling is very important
for a Parisian.
Awful. Just awful. Zero. Busted.
Let me help you.
How do you grumble?
I know a good guy in Paris.
A friend. He's a good man. You'll see.
His name is Blaise.
-Okay.
-He'll help you.
Why don't you work your way up to it?
Start somewhere like... Istres,
Antibes, Mandelieu-la-Napoule,
and slowly, you'll get to Paris.
I don't have a choice.
The capital's tough
for those who have never left Marseille.
There's also something else.
-The language.
-Don't they speak French?
-Backwards slang.
-What?
Backwards slang.
-What's that?
-Repeat after me.
Don't say "regarde." Say "tma."
Yeah, I know tma.
-Don't say "merci..."
-Say "cimer."
No.
Don't say "thank you" at all.
Last one.
Don't say "celui-l" when you're referring
to someone. Say "l-huiss."
-L-huiss.
-L-huiss.
-L-luiss.
-L-luiss.
L-luiss. Tma l-luiss, damn it!
No, kid...
Watch your accent.
If anyone notices your accent,
say you're Corsican.
-Corsican.
-You'll see. You'll freak them out.
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
But,
if you ever get sad one night,
this has saved my life.
What is it?
Pastis candy, if you ever get homesick.
You don't have a minute to lose, kid.
"Forever the first."
Excuse me, sir? Excuse me?
Come on, move it!
Come on, move, damn it!
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'm looking for...
What do you want? You wanna die, asshole?
You think your mom owns the street?
Son of a bitch!
I just need directions.
-Get the hell away!
-Move or I'll kill you!
The girls from the south
I'm telling you
Aren't just any girls
Just any girls
The girl from the south
Just like the sun
Shining and bright
She makes you smile when you wake
My most beautiful sight
My favorite summer
She's put on my street
The Mediterranean
Wow!
Bravo. Honestly.
Thank you.
Was the girl from the south
from Marseille?
-No, she's not.
-No?
-Why, are you from there?
-No.
-Yes, you are!
-No, I'm not.
You're hiding your accent, but you smile.
You're from Marseille.
Thank you...
Hello, ladies.
Sorry, but I'm looking for the stairs...
Seriously?
Hello.
PLEASE USE THE ELEVATOR
AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE
Blaise?
I know what you're thinking.
I'm sorry?
You're thinking...
"How did he score such a gem
in the middle of Paris?"
Yeah.
It's only 1,950 euros a month.
-Fees included.
-Right.
Of course, I'm not crazy!
And I completely lied on my application.
All completely made up!
Sure, I share a toilet on the landing
with a dozen other apartments,
but who else can say
they're only 15 minutes from Line 7?
Blaise?
-Blaise.
-Blaise.
-Blaise...
-Blaise.
You seem to like Paris. That's cool.
No.
No, it's not just cool.
I'm lucky
to live in Paris.
See, Paris is...
Paris, my love
Paris is Mnilmontant
Come here.
That's my Paris
That's my Paris
It's the little Chardonnay
That's Pa...
...ris
-There you go.
-Right.
That's Paris.
Paris is the Buttes-Chaumont Park,
the Ourcq Canal.
Paris is the Saint-Ouen flea market.
It's The Ace of Falafel eatery!
Paris...
-My cathedral.
-So, you're a painter, right?
I paint still life,
but modern style.
For example, I painted this roll of tape.
-I see.
-And my masterpiece...
I call it "Courtyard Window."
Because it represents a window...
Over a courtyard.
Bernard said you could help me
infiltrate the Parisian fans,
so any plans or advice?
Yes, plans... Much more than a plan.
-This is your plan?
-Yes, I knitted it myself.
Well, if you made it...
There you go.
You should be careful.
-Why?
-You smell like pastis.
OM
CLASSICO
D-12
LET'S GO
PARIS
Thanks.
I'm Mario.
MARIO
THE NUTCASE
Is that water?
-Yes.
-Think it's the wettest liquid?
-Yeah?
-Wrong!
Milk is the wettest liquid.
Look. You can really see it.
-I think I read that somewhere.
-At school.
Is this where the fans meet up
before a match?
This is my crew, my family.
Right, okay.
The big guy's Carlito, the boss.
Don't forget the rule of the three B's.
Bravery, benevolence, and being cheerful.
CARLITO
THE BOSS
Hell of a guy, Carlito.
He just wants us fans to look good.
Right.
He's a chef in a fancy restaurant as well.
Fancy food and PSG are his passions.
-Can you introduce me?
-No.
No one meets him.
Don't even know if he's real.
Right.
Who's that guy?
That's Evian.
You wouldn't guess he's a cop.
He goes to the stadium to relax.
Doesn't work.
Hey! No smoking indoors.
Next time, I'll kick your ass.
JEAN-LUC
AKA EVIAN
-Calm down, Dad.
-He's breaking the law.
And that guy with the glasses?
Pierre. That's Pierre.
-Pierre?
-Carlito's right-hand man.
We love him.
He decides who can be in the group.
PIERRE
EL MAGNIFICO
Okay.
Were you there when they stole
the cup from Marseille?
The what?
The "peu-cou"?
The Champions League cup.
The Champions League? Wow!
That's a doozy.
-That's crazy.
-Nuts!
-It's in the Cartoucherie.
-What is it?
You have to be in the group
to know what it is.
That's right, my man.
Paris!
Let's go, Paris!
Let's go, Paris!
Paris is magical!
Paris is magical!
Let's go, PSG!
Let's go, PSG!
Are you asleep today or what?
Our players need us,
so we have to give it our all!
Or else you go home
and play Scrabble, okay?
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
-You okay, bro?
-Good, and you?
-All good?
-Yeah.
He's my brother. He calls me bro.
So, what's up?
The fans are riled up, that's what's up.
I don't know how I'll get in.
Think the plan's dead.
If you can't infiltrate the fans,
change your strategy.
You always say have a plan B.
I say a lot of crap too.
You said you'd save the home.
So find the cup.
-Look, I already have 5G Internet.
-Don't be dumb!
Thanks, I'm not interested.
So?
-This is amazing.
-Yes.
Incredible.
Did you talk to Dad?
What I like best is the meat.
-Very good distribution...
-Stop it.
He called, but I was busy at the school.
-Call him back, you promised.
-Come on...
If not, I won't tell you
about the rosters and transfers.
You know what? That's fine.
Now that he's back,
we need to be at his beck and call?
I don't get why you don't get it.
We're the kids.
You're right, I wasn't thinking.
He's our dad.
I have to go, it's the second half.
LISA
IS MAGICAL
-Hello, how are you?
-Fine, and you?
Hello, how are you?
Your badge, please, sir.
Your badges. How are you?
Great, thanks.
Hello?
Yes, absolutely.
It's our goalie's birthday.
His mom and sister
just arrived from Italy.
I'm getting them
into the game as a surprise.
Yes.
Hold on, I'll call back.
Yes, JM?
The Argentinian designer just landed.
We'll take good care of him.
We've planned lots for his visit to Paris.
If I call you back, it's good?
Okay, bye-bye.
-Do you take Amex?
-Yes, of course.
I take Bitcoin too.
I can only pay with my watch.
He's crazy. We only take cash here.
It's okay, I'll pay for him.
-No!
-Please, I'd love to.
Sorry for cutting.
Really, let me. What do you want?
-A hot dog.
-One hot dog, please.
Hot dog? Okay.
Anything else?
Want a drink?
-An Oasis, please.
-He'll take one of those.
Sure.
-Anything else?
-That's all.
Here. Keep the change.
-But I need 16 euros, please.
-Sixteen?
Wow.
-Would you have two euros?
-No, sorry.
Here, keep the drink.
-Please help me.
-Are you cold?
-Yes.
-Here you go.
There you go.
-Perfect.
-You're very kind.
-Don't worry about it.
-Very kind.
It's my pleasure.
Sami. Nice to meet you.
Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
Three names? Felipe. Juanito. Oliviero.
Okay. Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
So, Felipe Juanito Oliviero...
has VIP clubhouse access,
champagne and hors d'uvres
but comes out here to eat a hot dog?
The club invited me
to design the new clothing line.
And present them to the manager, but...
But Felipe isn't feeling motivated?
Uninspired, actually.
I should be, I'm Argentinian.
Funny, you don't have an accent.
-I studied in French in Buenos Aires.
-Right, I see!
So you're an artist?
Yes.
I saw online that artists go visit
and discover cities.
To check the city out and get inspiration.
Since you're in Paris,
you should naturally do the same.
"The Orc Canal,"
the "Ace of Spades Falafels,"
the "Saint-Ouen Fleas."
-That's Paris!
-I had no idea.
There's treasure
to be found on every street.
-Maybe you're right.
-Of course I am!
You won't find
inspiration at the clubhouse.
Go and visit the real Paris.
Real people. The ones...
who grumble when someone jumps
onto the subway tracks.
-They do that here?
-You don't know local customs.
-No.
-Come on, Juanito.
Juanito!
I don't know anyone here,
that's the thing.
Today's your lucky day.
Why?
Go to this address. Ask for Blaise.
-Okay? Blaise.
-Blaise.
He's an artist like you.
He'll show you around Paris.
-Do I mention you?
-Yes, and he'll show you around.
-The real Paris?
-Right.
Not like "Paris." No.
-Paris!
-Paris!
See? You're already getting
the real Paris now.
-Paris is waiting for you.
-Paris!
So, your badge... You won't need it.
Your badge, sir?
Don't you know who I am?
Felipe Juanito Oliviero,
Buenos Aires, designer. Ring a bell?
Felipe?
-In the flesh.
-Welcome.
He's good, thanks.
Excuse us. Welcome.
No problem. I give you
my best regards, gentlemen.
Arrivederci.
Damn...
Mini-burgers! Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me. He can't hear me.
Excuse me.
Yes, may I?
-Are these free? Okay.
-Yes.
Thank you.
Sorry, excuse...
-Excuse me.
-No way!
-Pedro Miguel Pauleta!
-Yes.
A PSG legend!
Your best goal was against...
-Against OM.
-OM?
Against Barthez.
I took the ball
from the side and lobbed it in.
Goal...
No, I wasn't thinking of that one.
No, it's the goal with Portugal.
The ball was like this
in front of the goal.
You shot, then went to the corner post...
"Pedro Miguel..." Wow! Like...
No, the other one was the best.
Okay.
Please.
Thank you.
-Thank you.
-To PSG!
To the capital of France.
Yes, you might be surprised
that I speak French.
It's because I studied
in French in Buenos Aires.
Okay. JM couldn't make it.
Something came up.
But if you need anything, just ask.
Perfect. I will. Actually...
Since you know Paris Saint-Germain well,
I'd love to visit the Cartoucherie.
I don't know what that is.
But I can find out.
-That'd be great.
-Okay.
Here's what we can do.
I'll take your number
so we can be in touch.
Here's my card.
Perfect, Lisa.
-Nice to meet you.
-Don't forget!
-I promise.
-Okay.
I'd really love to visit
the Cartoucherie. It's such a nice place.
For inspiration.
When I create, I need to eat.
I can ask the hotel
to bring a meal to your room.
-The hotel?
-The club booked you a luxury hotel.
Yeah?
Welcome, Mr. Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
Please, just call me Felipe.
-Very well. May I?
-Of course.
Anyone there?
Is it free?
Yes, the club is covering all expenses.
Only the champagne isn't included.
I didn't drink any.
I was joking, sir.
Yes, it's the Beckham Suite.
So, genie, how many wishes left?
Are you throwing it or not?
Do something big.
Sami!
Take it easy!
How can I focus with that crazy music?
Okay, fine.
Go on.
Come on, that was too much.
-It's on the ball.
-Can you do better?
-Of course.
-Show me, then.
Rules are to aim for...
Bro, back off. Just wait.
Just touch the one on the right.
You're too close...
Here, look. Stand here.
Safety!
All the way to the end! Yeah!
I'm on fire, I'm on fire
-No, you're frozen. Look...
-That's mine.
Look here, look.
-That one's mine.
-It's mine!
Sopra, stop doing stuff like that.
Then it's nobody's!
Like little flowers.
-Where's my phone?
-You got it?
I got it.
Hey, So.
Hey, I know you're smiling, damn it.
-I'm not smiling.
-How are we doing?
I'm getting there.
Do you have the cup or not?
Not yet.
Hurry up, bro, the bailiffs came by today.
Damn it.
If they come back,
tell them I've found a solution.
-Why are you so slow?
-It's not that easy, So.
I'm in a strange city with strange people.
-In gross conditions.
-Okay.
But I have a deadline for my delivery.
There's a departure for Spain tomorrow.
I can save the home.
No more wacky plans. I'm handling it.
Are you lying again?
No, I met a fan's sister
who can let me
into the Cartoucherie. Got it?
The what?
The Cartoucherie.
Where they stash their spoils.
Well, step on it, bro,
what if the bailiffs come back?
Don't worry, I'm going to get close to her
and seduce her...
Easy.
Seduce her?
-Yeah, seduce her.
-Seduce her, Sami?
-The cup is in the Cartoucherie?
-Yes.
You need to car-touch-her!
CLASSICO
D-8
LISA.BRIEPSG
PARIS
She's an old-fashioned girl.
FRANOIS FELDMAN - DON'T PLAY
Don't play like that
You know you never know
how far it will go...
"Franois...
"Feldman?"
Excuse me, sir.
Who's Franois Feldman?
Busy woman, huh?
Yeah, I'm sorry. I never stop.
I'll be a minute.
Okay.
You must be sick
of these boat cruises for your "VIPs."
-No, this is my first time. Yeah.
-Yeah?
It's like the Eiffel Tower.
Parisians never go there.
Unbelievable. You've got awesome monuments
and you never visit them.
Would you like Classico tickets?
Let's not be so formal.
Sure, if you want.
How many tickets do you want?
Do you need an answer now?
There's a lot of demand. It's the biggest
match of the year, so just getting ahead.
Even though we already know who'll win.
But the match is in eight days.
It's the same thing every year.
Marseille's dead. Their players suck.
And their fans are really not great.
But we've got the star, are you crazy?
Do you have one? Look where I'm pointing.
Your star's up in the sky.
And their fans are really not great.
I guess.
I'll take tickets for the children's home
I look after. They'll enjoy it.
Okay. I didn't know about that.
Yeah, well...
I look after kids.
Underprivileged kids.
If I can get them a little gift
every now and then, they'll like it.
It's something different for them.
The youth give life
to society. They're the future.
If we can... You know...
You're pretty.
Thank you.
I love this song.
Franois Feldman, '89.
How do you know that?
Franois Feldman?
-"Don't play with me."
-Of course not.
Awesome.
You can make me dance
Move
Turn yourself around
No...
-No...
-Come on, a bit?
No, no way.
anything
You can make me feel
that it's time to go
where the sun is
smile, burst out laughing
-Yes!
-Go on, yeah!
Dream in your arms
But don't play, don't play with me
'Cause love is no joke to me
Don't play, don't play like this
You can never know how far it'll go
to play with me
OM
CLASSICO
D-7
-So you like soccer?
-Yeah.
I grew up with guys. I was always
around my brother and his friends.
So it makes sense. I had no choice.
So how much do you know?
I'm an expert.
Bruges, OM, Milan,
Bayern Munich, Bordeaux.
Jean-Pierre Papin from Marseille, eh?
He started at Toulon, RC Paris, FC Brest,
PSG, Newcastle,
Tottenham, Aston Villa, Everton.
David Ginola!
Yes, well done! Wow.
Let's not complicate things
between us. I'm working.
-Sure, no problem.
-Okay.
-All right.
-I'm keeping it very simple.
-Okay, a hard one.
-Hit me.
Montpellier, Naples, Nmes, Saint-Etienne,
Auxerre, then Barcelona, Marseille,
Inter Milan and Manchester.
-Just give up.
-No, wait.
Lolo, The President.
-Good job!
-Of course. Yeah!
The lady is on fire! She's got the ball.
-Of course.
-Unbelievable. Okay.
What's your secret, a hidden earpiece?
-Do you practice with your boyfriend?
-My only love is PSG.
But I do with my brother. He's a big fan.
He could help with the Cartoucherie.
Yeah! Great idea.
I'll introduce you.
I didn't mean right now, but...
Does he have kids?
-No.
-No?
Hi, is this a bad time?
I was in the middle of art class.
Pierre, Felipe. A friend of PSG.
Good to meet you.
I've heard a lot about you.
It's an honor.
Come in.
-Have a seat.
-Thanks.
Are you making banners?
Not at all. This is a drawing for a poem.
I'll show you.
"Little fish spinning around."
Kindergarten teachers have lots of ideas.
Funny, I didn't expect you
to be both a school teacher and a PSG fan.
-What's funny about it?
-Because one minute, you're like, "Paris!"
Then, it's "Okay, kids!"
What's with the prejudice?
You don't know fan spirit.
-Yes, I do.
-You don't.
Being a fan isn't that.
It's generosity and reciprocity.
Lisa, who helped me when I got dumped?
-The fans.
-The fans.
Sure, I know the fan spirit.
They're like family and friends. Like...
-"You need me, I'll be there."
-Exactly.
Let's cut to the chase.
Well, he'd like to go to the Cartoucherie.
What Cartoucherie?
-You don't know?
-Sure, but why bring it up?
He wanted to go,
so I thought you could take him.
No, of course not. No way.
I'm not in a hurry. We can take our time.
No rush.
But if you wanna go now...
-No.
-Okay.
It's not up to me.
-Aren't you the number two?
-Yeah. Two.
Carlito's number one. He wears the key
around his neck 24/7. What can I tell you?
When can I meet Carlito?
Tomorrow?
Here!
Yeah!
Yeah! Was that awesome or what?
Hello, it's Sam...
Felipe in the Beckham Suite.
Bergman, sir. Ingrid Bergman.
-Sure.
-How can I help you?
I'm a bit hungry, what do you suggest?
I may suggest some starchy grains
served in a sea of milk.
What?
Rice pudding.
No, thanks, but do you have sesame bread
and grilled beef served in a sea of fries?
What do we have here?
Let's go!
This is real food!
Good food.
Sami, where are you with the cup?
You've been gone a week.
The Classico is coming up!
Call me. As soon as possible!
You're a great girl.
You inspire me.
I do?
-You're overdoing it.
-I promise. Let me see.
Yeah, I can paint you in gouache.
I can sculpt you in clay, like this.
-Whatever.
-On the thingy.
You know what would really inspire me?
To visit the Cartoucherie with you.
I see. You're not giving up.
Let's go!
Sorry, bro. I didn't mean to.
Sorry.
Calm down, Dad!
Easy.
Something's off, Carlito.
I don't like him.
You're off work, Evian. Don't be paranoid.
Think of the four Toltec agreements.
He's hiding something. I'm telling you.
Did you hear that? He said left foot.
You know what's my nickname?
-What?
-"Lefty of the West."
-Why?
-I shoot like a cowboy.
Yeah, buddy.
You surprised me too.
You've got elbows for feet.
-Why are you looking at me?
-Huh?
-Why you looking at me?
-I'm not.
-What do you want?
-He could be cross-eyed. He didn't look.
-He was looking.
-No, he wasn't.
Remember when Marseille canceled
the Classico?
-Yeah.
-We did some crazy stuff!
-Do we show him?
-No.
-Yes, guys!
-No...
Carlito, do we?
-Yes, seriously.
-No.
-Come on.
-Come on, he's family.
-Carlito, please, show him.
-Go on.
You ready?
See this car?
-What do you think?
-What do you think?
It's...
-It's small.
-What else?
-And?
-What else? Well...
It's busted!
-So ugly!
-Ugly as hell.
-It's ugly!
-Yeah.
It's got arthritis.
-Sure, ugly.
-And we made it uglier.
So what else did you do?
We put dead pigeons inside!
Eleven dead pigeons in that car!
The worst is when he got
into the back seat. Remember?
All right. Night, guys.
-See you, boss.
-Bye, Carlito.
-Actual pigeons?
-Dead ones.
PRESIDENSo Sami? Cup???!
I almost have it.
I'll keep you posted.
I gotta go, but I wanna know
about the back seat.
-Where?
-I've got a meeting.
-All right.
-But...
-But you'll tell me, right?
-No way.
-What's your problem?
-He was looking at me.
Your back was turned!
Exactly. From behind, I saw.
You're weird.
It's good, bro.
I'm sure the cup is in the Cartoucherie.
Good, so do you have it?
No, I have to go there again.
Are you eating?
-Are you?
-Me? I just want a drink.
Good, because food's next door.
I know, your colleague told me.
-One pastis, please.
-We don't have that.
Mint liqueur then?
A pint of lager for table 12!
Bro, I'm in a caf. Parisians are weird.
How are things at the home?
Look, I won't lie. It's not great.
I screwed up a bit.
What did you do?
Sofiane, what did you do?
They're not the real police!
It's just a game. I'll be right back.
Sophie, there's pasta in the fridge.
Thrse's going to jail.
Jail? Are you kidding?
Wasn't smuggling, was she?
-Worse.
-Worse how?
-You don't want to know.
-I do. Did she kill someone?
You don't. It's worse.
I can't be there before the Classico.
You need to handle the home.
This is crazy!
CLASSICO
D-5
If only the Parisians "hadn't had"
taken our cup,
Sami would still be here.
We'd have the money for the home.
You mean, "hadn't taken the cup."
Past perfect tense.
That's 7th grade stuff.
Shut up.
Hello, it's Felipe.
I'd like to know
if you want to go out for dinner.
But keeping things simple, of course.
You're probably busy, but I'm not.
So if you'd like to...
Bye.
So?
So?
This is 100% beef.
Want my opinion?
The chef's just using meat.
-Don't tell anyone.
-Whatever.
Okay, fine, it's soy.
-Tofu.
-Shut up.
It was hard to get a table.
How did you do it?
I said I had a date
with the most handsome guy on earth.
Oh?
But he stood me up, so I came with you.
PRESIDEN-I like your brother.
-Yeah?
He's very nice. Loyal, upstanding...
I like him a lot.
Did you talk to him
about the Cartoucherie?
No, but I will.
But he likes you,
and he never likes anyone.
-Just like you, then?
-Excuse me?
You remind me of a clam.
-A what?
-A clam.
A clam. So I heard you right.
You're there on your rock,
just chilling.
Whenever another clam
wants to be friendly,
you go back to your shell.
Yeah, well, when you were abandoned
by your father, you tend to clam up.
-You've never seen him?
-He's reached out recently.
I wanted to talk to him, but...
-But not your brother?
-No.
So do you really look
after a children's home?
You were listening?
Yes, it's a home
for troubled kids...
Did you know
these aren't really lychees?
What are they?
Cats' balls.
I'm Nicolas Palois, from Tofu Magazine.
Was there a problem
in the kitchen tonight?
-A problem?
-I know what a good restaurant is.
-But tonight...
-You're so good!
My chef's off today.
My wife replaced him. Hi!
Hello.
A disaster.
-I won't rate you tonight. Tomorrow.
-Thank you.
-Your meal's on me.
-No!
I insist.
-Come on.
-No, I insist.
Thanks.
Well, I'll say goodbye and keep it simple.
I had a very nice evening.
Nice and simple.
Can we go, miss? Keep it simple?
Yes, sorry.
Good night, Felipe.
Room service!
Sir?
Are you all right, sir?
OM
What the...
Can I have a little privacy or what?
Excuse me, sir, I'll be back.
-What in the...
-Don't worry.
I'm from Marseille too.
-You're from Marseille?
-In my heart.
I'm from Puteaux.
But I support Marseille, baby.
You Parisians are weird.
What do you like about Marseille?
"Sche."
What are you talking about?
Yes, my baby
Nardo Gray RS4
Of course they missed me...
-SCH?
-There you go.
I can't believe it. Well, thanks.
-Have a nice day, sir.
-Yeah.
He actually said, "Sche"?
He actually said that? Man...
PIERRE
I have a surprise for you!
Meet me in 1 hour.
Yes!
Marseille, baby!
PRESIDENSo??? So? So?
It's on the way!
Damn
Wait, I'll stop you right there.
I know your game,
but let's just stay friends.
I like you, but as a friend. Please.
I just got out of a relationship.
What are you talking about?
You've got ketchup here.
-Ketchup?
-Yeah.
-Well, damn. I thought...
-Don't.
Sorry, sorry. Excuse me.
No way.
I mean, just to be clear...
I'd like to stay friends.
-So do I. I like you but as buddies.
-Okay.
-Buddies.
-Buddies.
PROUD OF OUR COLORS
Sorry.
-Your sister told me about your dad.
-What?
Your sister told me about your dad.
She's so annoying.
-Damn it.
-It's not really my business.
But don't close the door.
Or you'll regret it.
It's not your business,
but you just got involved.
I just got involved.
Because I didn't get that chance.
-He's gone.
-Where is he?
-Somewhere above.
-Sorry, sorry...
I'm sorry.
But my dad wasn't a good guy.
He left my mom to fend for herself
all these years.
Gone for years. Now he's back
as if nothing happened.
Maybe he's back because he has regrets.
Maybe. I don't know...
I don't care.
I can't even remember my dad's face.
How old were you?
Six.
I only have pictures to look at.
Call him back.
Still down to visit the Cartoucherie?
-You're kidding.
-I'm getting the banner for the match.
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
CLASSICO
D-2
I'm happy he's taking you
to the Cartoucherie.
-So awesome.
-Yeah.
-When are you going?
-Tomorrow.
-Right before the Classico.
-Cool. I'm glad.
Thanks to you.
Wait, I need to tell you something.
I haven't been totally honest.
Really?
-Actually, Felipe is...
-Sami!
-Sami!
-What are you...
Sorry, I just got off work.
Why did he call you Sami?
It's short for Felipe.
-Sami is short for Felipe?
-Yeah.
My name's Kevin, but I go by Jeff.
-It's the same.
-Can you give us a minute?
I'll see you at the hotel soon.
Give me two minutes.
Be right there.
What are you doing?
My job! I was transferred to Paris.
Great, but you can't stay here.
-Hello.
-Hello, Miss Lisa.
So what are you doing in Paris then?
Stop, are you crazy?
Don't do that. I'm on a club mission.
You're ruining everything.
Guys from Marseille are weird.
Is the gentleman from Marseille too?
What do you mean?
-I see you're doing well.
-Yes, I'm fine.
-And your girlfriend?
-Quiet!
In your palace. Nice taste.
-She's dressed like a penguin.
-Relax.
Did you win the lottery or what?
That's exactly it. Okay?
-I'll call. We'll talk with the others.
-Call me.
You haven't picked up for two weeks.
Go get your penguin.
Hey! Penguin! Come on, penguin!
What is this, Sami?
-Funny. You called me Sami.
-Very funny.
Who are you?
-It's a nickname.
-I'm not stupid. Are you from Marseille?
What are you doing with PSG?
Okay, I'm Sami from Marseille.
Damn it. Wait.
My club is going to fire me now.
Where's the real Felipe?
-With Blaise.
-Who's that?
A painter friend.
Damn, I'm going to get fired.
I can explain.
He needed some inspiration.
-He'll be back, don't worry.
-What?
You've been lying for two weeks,
the real Felipe is gone,
and you say don't worry?
-I can explain.
-Shut up. I don't want to talk to you.
I didn't have a choice.
Your Majesty.
-What a honor to welcome you to my...
-Quit it.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, Jeff.
Everything's perfect.
Lisa found out. Thrse's in jail.
The home's gonna close, but I'm fine.
That's one big shitty day.
Is what Thrse did serious?
-Sofiane won't tell me.
-Did she kill someone?
-Worse.
-She got transferred to Paris?
Damn, transferred to Paris!
How will I pay
for her Louis Vuitton trunk?
-That's a Vuitton?
-Yes.
That's a fake.
You can see it a mile away.
"LF"? That's Louis "Fuitton."
You don't spell Vuitton with an "F"?
Sure you don't want food?
No, I'm not hungry.
-Got a little pick-me-up though?
-Yeah.
Poulain, Benco, Nesquik cocoa mix.
You don't have anything
that will really pick me up?
-I have what you need.
-Good.
Van Houten chocolate!
It's really strong. Zero sugar.
It'll blow your mind.
Don't worry, you'll get her back.
I don't think so.
She'll never forgive me.
Cups are never angry.
Are you serious right now?
You're worrying me.
-I'm talking about Lisa.
-Oh! No, she'll never forgive you.
Yeah, it's dead.
Completely dead.
Muerto, mortas, las papitas.
PIERRE: Bro I'm going
to the Cartoucherie if you're still down.
-Don't go. It's an ambush.
-What do you mean?
She told her brother. He told
his friends at Paris Saint-Germain.
-It's an ambush. You'll be ambushed.
-No, I'll go and get back what's ours.
Just let me call Yo.
-We'll make a team.
-Don't call anyone.
I started this. I'll finish it.
Don't call anyone.
I'm sure it's an ambush.
I'm sure it's not an ambush.
No, not an ambush.
Everything will turn out fine.
It'll be fine. Just fine...
Felipe!
Hurry up!
Right.
CLASSICO
D-1
Welcome to my lair, my friend.
Isn't it something?
Incredible.
Incredible, huh? It's wonderful, right?
Here, we have Luis Fernandez's parka.
-No!
-Right before you.
-Let me tell you something.
-Yeah.
Right now, you're a true fan.
Thank you, Pierre!
And look at this.
Borelli's kiss.
This is the actual grass.
-Crazy.
-Ronnie!
Ronnie's sombrero flick!
-Yeah.
-Pauleta! The Eagle of the Azores!
They were this close to playing together.
-PSG's only regret.
-Yeah, too bad.
Kombouar, Golden Helmet!
At the last minute! Corner!
Everyone remembers!
-Hey, Pierre?
-Yes?
Can I look around alone to take it in?
No, I can't, sorry.
-I get it.
-Don't worry, you won't miss anything.
Look, Bernard Lama.
Bernard Lama!
Bernard Lama, The Cat!
Not a kitten! Far from it!
And who got it for me? My sister.
Have you heard from her?
-Who?
-My sister.
-No, why?
-No news?
No.
I heard things aren't going well at work.
No, I...
But I think things will turn out fine.
She's tough. Strong. A real Breton.
She's not Parisian?
No, no one in Paris is from Paris.
Yeah?
You've got many cups here.
-Who's that?
-Don't know.
Who is it?
Felipe, my friend!
Who are you? Who is he?
He's...
That's Piotr!
It's... a friend from Budapest.
He can't speak any French.
Get out! Why didn't you tell me?
He must've followed me.
Come on, we're leaving.
If Carlito catches us, we're dead.
-Let's go. We're leaving.
-Sorry!
Sorry. Sorry.
Name of you?
Guys, we can't be here.
Name of you?
-Pierre. It's fine.
-We'll go.
Pierre. Wonderful.
Thank you for having us here.
Much emotion. Me, be here.
Mom, fan of Paris Saint-Germain.
Mom love Paris magic!
Mom of me, rock me,
dream to come here. Cartoucherie.
-I don't care.
-But Mom is dead.
Kaput. Car accident.
Two bullets in the back.
Oh, right.
Dream of Mom. Finished.
No Cartoucherie for Mom.
Mom is dead. Mom is dead!
I'm sorry. It'll be okay.
Mom! Mom!
I get it. My mom did
everything for me too.
I understand.
Pierre, you have good heart.
-It's normal.
-Is possible?
Leave me two minutes,
pray, reconnect with Mom?
-Here?
-For Paris.
-And PSG.
-For Mom, kaput.
Did anyone follow you?
You know what? Go check, I'll watch him.
One minute, guys.
One minute, no more.
-Okay then.
-It's okay.
Thank you.
-We need to find the cup.
-I know, thanks!
There's nothing here!
They might have taken it out
so they can humiliate us at the Classico.
What?
-The Parisians may not have taken the cup.
-How?
A cup is won, not stolen.
We're all alike in this respect.
Crazy how much we're alike.
All the same.
Except there's no light blue.
-You okay?
-Very beautiful. My mom...
He's not well. We're gonna go.
Good. Tomorrow's the Classico.
We need rest.
You'll be fine, Piotr.
What the hell are you doing? Guys.
THE BIG DAY
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
Paris is magical!
Paris is magical!
Hey, you were right about the cup.
What cup?
-Champions League Cup?
-Yeah.
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
Someone told me
they did steal it from Marseille.
-Damn it, I knew it.
-Yeah.
-Are you going to take it out now?
-Yeah.
Seriously? Where is it?
-Huh?
-Where's the cup?
What cup?
You just said it.
-Champions League Cup.
-Champions League?
Yeah, the one you stole.
Oh, right. It's in the Cartoucherie.
No, I was just there. It's not.
-I was there.
-Look harder.
A trusty guy told me
it was at the Cartoucherie.
I'm sure it's there.
Impossible, who told you that?
Hey, what do you think is more blue?
The sky or the sea?
This is Paris!
Why do you smell like pastis?
Paris! Paris!
Bro, I have a surprise for you.
I need to talk to you about Lisa.
That's between you two.
Between us is our love for PSG, not Lisa.
-Speaking of...
-Up!
Up.
Guys, what measures the value of a fan
isn't the years he's been with us.
Here, we have
one of the best Paris fans there is.
Follow me, bro.
Follow me.
Do what I do.
What are you doing?
Come on! We're waiting.
Come on...
They're waiting.
Hurry up.
I can explain.
You better.
Obviously, I talked to my sister.
Especially when people have hurt her.
You're going to pay, bro. You will.
Right now.
Start a chant.
-What?
-Start a chant.
Sing!
Come, ye children of...
What are you doing?
P...
P...
Go on. Give it your all!
-A
-A...
Louder.
-R...
-R...
Louder!
-I
-I...
S
S...
Paris!
Louder!
Paris!
Paris, S, G!
No Marseillais here! Get him!
Get out of here!
THRSE: Home closed. Kids split up.
Me in jail. Bring the cup home!
Hi, this is Paris. Leave a message.
Pierre, it's Sami.
Meet me in one hour at the Cartoucherie.
I'm taking back what's ours.
Hold on, Pierre.
What's this? What are you doing?
Sami!
Are we all here, gang?
It's on, now.
But this is too much.
Hard to walk on this stuff.
I see why they wear rangers.
-Did you tell them?
-We're here, the family.
There were 4,000 of us,
but some took the wrong train.
-It's okay.
-Even the old man came.
We're not here to fight tonight.
-We're here...
-...for our friend.
Nobody move.
-Look at these
-dickhead Parisian dogs.
-Looking...
-like weaklings.
Left hook.
Right hook.
Uppercut.
Guys, what did we say?
We show up,
get our cup back and get out of here.
-Hold this. I'll take them one by one.
-Kiki, we're not fighting.
-We're not fighting?
-No, we're not fighting.
-We're not fighting.
-Piotr...
Me fuck your mother, Piotr.
-In front of everyone.
-Who's he?
You fuck mother of no one.
Your weenie too small.
Why do I use an accent? You're dead.
You look like Harry Potter.
Shut up. You look like Jul when he's sick.
Are you done?
-Can I explain?
-Don't listen to his bullshit. Get him!
-Nobody move.
-Let go of me.
And he looks like Cline Dion!
What are you talking about?
He looks just like Cline Dion.
-What? She's got long hair.
-It's the face.
-He looks just like Cline Dion.
-Who's this joker?
-Tell me he doesn't.
-Not at all.
Are you crazy? I've been thinking
this whole time he looks like Cline Dion.
-Just shut up.
-Look at his face...
Look, I lied for a good reason.
We want what's stolen from our club back.
That's why I infiltrated you.
That cup is our history.
It's our identity.
It's our star.
We're not leaving without it.
We don't have your cup.
We never did.
We've earned all our trophies.
And we'll win that one too.
That's right.
-You'll win my dick!
-Shut up.
You'll win mine.
You shut up too.
No, you shut up.
Yes, we're rivals.
But we've never been dishonest.
You're the one
who's been dishonest from the start.
-Who's that?
-Mariah Carey!
No fighting with girls here.
-You lied and you're blaming them? Really?
-Really?
-You think you're better than them?
-Yeah, do you?
I trusted you
and introduced my brother to you.
-Like Darty.
-Shut up. I can't focus.
You were just using me.
I'm sorry, Lisa.
That slap.
His ear must be going...
Yes, President.
I understand.
I'm disappointed, but what do you expect?
You did what you could for the kids.
Yeah.
I'll tell them.
Thanks for everything.
It's not that bad.
It's great here. Everyone's nice.
And your cellmate?
She makes my bed!
And saves me a spot at the canteen.
She's really nice for a repeat offender.
I don't know why,
but I think everyone is scared of me.
You did that?
Yeah.
It's good to have connections.
So how are you kids?
Are your foster families okay?
Yeah, they're nice.
But we're all split up.
I have pizza and fries every day.
I don't believe it!
A healthy life starts
with a perfectly balanced diet.
-I even miss him.
-No.
I'm so sorry you've been split up, kids.
-Sorry.
-No, Thrse.
If I had the cup,
the home would've been saved.
-It's our fault.
-No...
-We shouldn't have done it.
-It's no one's fault. Okay?
We didn't succeed.
-But we tried.
-Yeah.
Didn't succeed.
Go, the Mass is over.
Group hug?
-Yes.
-Group hug.
Let's go, hurry up.
Easy for you to say.
You're not carrying a box.
Who said I didn't?
I carried boxes all day.
Louise, the box isn't going
to load itself.
Right, ready?
Careful, it's an 8K ultra-HD screen.
No!
What's wrong?
Parisians are in Marseille.
-They're selling it tonight.
-What? The Parisians are in Marseille?
"How much..."
-How much are they selling it for?
-800,000!
It'll happen
at the Old Port InterContinental.
What the hell is this?
And who are you?
Me?
The true holder
of the Champions League cup.
What does he mean?
Better put it in the trunk.
-So that Sami doesn't see it.
-We'll be back tomorrow to take pictures.
We'll save the home,
then return it first thing Monday.
Great.
According to my calculations,
we'll have a treasury surplus.
We could treat ourselves.
Shut up!
-So annoying.
-Shut up!
So annoying. You know that?
You see...
Always keep an eye out, take precautions,
or things might go wrong.
That's it.
With this, we'll get rid of them
as fast as possible.
And no one will know it's us.
Quiet!
He went to get it himself.
Give him what's in that suitcase.
I mean, hand it to me.
Quiet!
It sounds hollow.
It's salt dough.
No, it's not. I promise.
First of all,
salt dough's white, this is gray.
Salt dough is thick, rough, baked...
I know what salt dough's like,
right, guys?
That's completely wrong, gentlemen.
To make salt dough,
take two cups of flour,
mix in a bowl with one cup
of warm water and one cup of fine salt.
Knead to form a nice, soft dough.
I have the real one.
Don't believe me? Bring in an expert.
Hello, gentlemen.
What are you doing here? You the expert?
You weren't expecting me, huh?
But we need a true expert.
A big shot. The boss.
Boli in line. Marcel Desailly at post.
He makes the goal!
Boli scores!
I'd recognize it like my own mother.
The smell of it. The touch of it.
The feeling of it.
Listen. Its heart is still beating.
She's beautiful, she's cute
She's a nice person...
This is a trap! Shut up!
No one talks like that to Mr. Basile Boli.
That's it.
Sorry, I was mad. Now, I'm better.
Don't piss off Kiki the Nutjob.
All right now?
-I'm going to get some air.
-Go get some air.
I told you it was salt dough.
It sounded hollow when he knocked on it.
How did you know I had the cup?
Thrse got a letter
from "Rentes & Shaton."
Thanks to our little genius,
we figured it out.
Yes, I love anagrams.
I heard the landlord wanted to tear
all this down to put in a parking lot.
Why would I help you? You lied,
betrayed me and you hurt my sister.
Because we're the same. We became friends.
You're from Paris. I'm from Marseille.
This goes beyond soccer.
You'd do the same if you were me.
Pierre?
Where's the cup?
The home's landlord has it.
But I have a plan.
From now on, they have no debt.
Don't let me see you again in Marseille.
Hello, Dad?
I'm in Marseille. I'll be home tomorrow.
We've missed you.
Welcome home.
-I was talking to her.
-Yeah.
You too, Sami.
I'm glad you're back with us.
Thanks, sir, but
-I think I should cut the cord.
-Cut the cord?
-Spread my wings.
-Spread your wings? What are you saying?
This is your home.
Yeah, but I need to take care of the home.
Take care of the home.
I don't know if they'll let Thrse out.
-No, we don't know that.
-Yeah.
Did you see a box with cards?
A box with cards? Hey, answer me!
Stop, if this goes off,
they're going to lock me back up!
I don't believe it. Go!
My gosh, those cookies look beautiful.
You've improved. That's wonderful.
-I hope you find my Uno! Seriously.
-Wasn't me.
I love that game.
So the home was true? It's not all lies.
Lisa, what are you doing here?
My brother told me everything.
Can we start over?
Okay. I live here.
In a home for orphans.
In Marseille, Castellane.
I've never left Marseille. Well, once.
To go to Paris.
And I think I fell in love.
And I have exactly
26.45 euros in my bank account.
And you are?
I'm Lisa. I work for PSG.
I'd never met anyone
from Marseille before you.
I love my city, and I love honesty.
Even though 26.45 euros isn't great.
But nice to meet you.
Same to you.
You're so beautiful! I'm so happy.
-You're Lisa?
-Yes.
-Nice to meet you.
-Same here.
-So where are you moving to?
-What do you mean?
I'm taking your bedroom
because we have new arrivals.
That's nice of you.
PSG said they can't do without me.
So I don't know.
-I come live in Paris?
-I don't know.
No, that would mean
leaving the home and Marseille.
They have me here.
-Come on, let's play.
-Okay.
Boulogne, Lille,
Brest, Saint-tienne,
Toulon, OM, PSG.
Give me a hug!
If I get it right,
you'll stay in Marseille?
You'll never get it.
You said OM, PSG?
Start packing.
Come on. Yes!
It's not a party without champagne.
of these little dickhead Parisian dogs.
Look at these clowns' shitty
Marseillais faces and wimpy bodies.
Hold this. I'll take them one by one.
They won't know what hit them.
We're not fighting.
We're here for our friend.
Guys, what did we say?
We show up,
get our cup back and get out of here.
That cup is our history.
It's our identity.
It's our star.
We're not leaving without it.
DAYS
BEFORE
THAEUROPEAN CHAMPION CLUBS' CUP
Of course they spoiled me...
Ladies and gentlemen, a historic moment.
OM are the European champions.
Here's Captain Didier Deschamps.
He goes to the cup,
shakes hands with the officials.
"Hello, madam. Hello, sir. Welcome."
That's it. Almost done.
He's going to lift it up.
He's doing it. He's going to kiss it.
There you have it!
OM are the European champions!
Nothing but joy on the fans' faces!
After 38 years,
OM are the champions...
-Good morning, Mr. President.
-Morning.
See, they changed
the neon lights and put in 30-watts.
Checking if it still shines.
Still shines?
Yes, like every morning, Sami.
-I'll never get tired of it.
-Never.
Say, Sami. I phoned my friend.
Why didn't you see his studio?
That's too bad.
Thank you, sir,
but I prefer to stay at the home.
-The kids need me.
-The kids need you.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Have a nice day, sir.
-You too.
You do look beautiful today.
Well, I'll email it to you
so you'll have it. Bye.
What's up, guys? Danny, I got you tickets.
Okay!
-Sami!
-Hey, kids!
How are the little monsters?
How are you? Doing okay?
-How are you?
-Okay?
-Yeah.
-Here, the four tickets you asked for.
-Wonderful.
-So Sami's your nanny, Dad?
No, Sami's not a nanny.
-He's like family.
-Are you going home?
-Yeah.
-Okay, see you tomorrow.
-See you tomorrow!
-Bye.
-Let's go.
-Dim, heads up!
You did the same for the corner shot.
European champions!
This is the best day of my life!
I'm pregnant!
-You're pregnant?
-Yes!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
Go, OM!
See, Sami?
Your blood's not red.
Your blood's white and blue.
I love you, my son.
I love you, my son!
Two well-known fans
of Olympique de Marseille
were killed tonight in a tragic accident.
They were driving
to Bordeaux for an away game.
They leave behind their son,
Sami, aged six.
Our thoughts are with him.
Sami!
We start off the recipe
by tearing out the lung,
soaking up the sauce...
Here he is!
Mr. Ernest, how are you?
Fine.
I'll be better once the kids
get the ball out of my yard.
Ernest is generous,
but don't push it.
It would also be nice
if you'd stop deflating their ball.
Well, have a nice evening.
I'm taking Thanos to go poop.
That guy's unbelievable.
You okay, Thrse?
-Need some help?
-No, but thanks.
I just saw Ernest.
I'll beat him up one day.
Forget about that grouch.
Be a good neighbor.
-They're waiting to see you.
-Yes.
Stop pretending to be asleep, kids.
-Sami!
-Yeah!
How's the little monster doing?
Good to see you, dear Sami.
Stop it, Lil Macron. You're boring.
Yeah, stop it, Lil Macron.
-Sami, why do you always bring this stuff?
-What?
-Where's the Champions Cup?
-I can't just walk out with it.
I promised we'd go see it,
but not now. Be patient.
Sofiane, you okay?
-Yeah.
-With that silk bathrobe?
-Yeah?
-And those sunglasses?
-And?
-It's 9 p.m.
Yeah, and?
You're drenched in cologne.
Don't tell me you're going out.
What? I can't even smell good at night?
-Can't I live my life?
-Go. Now.
Don't be late tomorrow.
I'll look good for the Classico.
You bet.
I wanna see the cup.
-Yeah, me too!
-Me too.
To get lots of likes, like Bastien.
Look who's a little star.
Don't worry, you'll see it.
But for now, go to bed!
Can't blame us.
You've promised us for six months.
Yes, yes. Get to bed!
We are the Marseillais!
We are the Marseillais!
We're going to bed!
We're going to bed!
Go, OM!
-Good night, team.
-Good night!
Sofiane, your heart's on the left.
And that's how OM became
the first French team
to earn a star on their jersey.
Sami, draw the cup with the big ears.
And then you go to sleep, okay?
Lights out!
Seriously? They were just falling asleep.
Hey! What are you doing?
Don't wind up the dog.
-It's not a toy.
-Yes, it is.
-It isn't.
-It is.
-It isn't.
-It is.
No, it isn't.
So you're leaving us in a month?
-What do you mean?
-You didn't know?
You didn't hear it from me.
Mum's the word.
You know, because...
I heard the landlord's going to tear
all this down for a parking lot.
So, Ernest said, "Why not?"
Let's go.
Attack!
Good boy.
I didn't want to worry you.
They're kicking us out in a month.
How far behind are we with rent?
Let's see... Almost three weeks.
That's not too bad.
That's it. One year and three weeks.
You should've told me, Thrse.
This is crazy.
We're do-gooders,
and they're kicking us out.
I took on too many kids, Sami.
I've tried everything.
Charities, government welfare, sponsors...
I don't know what else to do.
So...
-So, what?
-Well...
I was watching the news
with Sofiane, and we agreed.
It's not a bad idea.
It'd only take 48 hours.
A round trip
between Marseille and Marbella.
You don't need to do anything.
Just bring back a package.
Are you crazy?
That's smuggling. You can go to jail.
Well, I've got lots of other ideas.
-Look.
-This worries me.
-"Gucci"!
-Oh.
I've got it all. Not bad, eh?
"Reebok." In every color.
I've got it all. Even a watch.
Look at this one.
Nice, huh?
"Psartek Philippe"?
Heard of it?
-Crazy!
-Move.
Let me take care of it. Forget about this.
Where will you find
the money in a month? Tell me.
Thrse.
Trust me, please.
What's with the name "Rentes & Shaton?"
FINAL EVICTION NOTICE
If we do nothing, they'll close the home.
No, they won't.
It's good you came to see me.
But these are big debts.
I know. But where to get the money?
I'll ask the OM Foundation.
Focus on the Classico.
We're going to beat Paris.
Thank you, President. Go OM!
The Classico of legends with Ravanelli!
A trip penalty. Remember?
-I do.
-Laurent Blanc.
-Yeah.
-Remember him?
-Hey, Jeff.
-All good, Jeff?
Remember who Laurent Blanc
was in the stands with?
-Who?
-Me.
What? You weren't even born!
YO
NO. 10
Kiki, tell him I was born
in the Velodrome.
Excuse me, Yo.
Can we talk about the inter-fan meeting?
Don't even think about fighting!
Just saying, in case someone's interested.
Who?
For example, I'm interested but...
KIKI
THE NUTJOB
-Great.
-Alone as usual.
So what do we put on the last banner?
"You all suck. Come over, you'll get"
No. We're being serious, Kiki.
If we can't say anything,
they can go fuck their moms.
That's it.
I knew you'd figure it out, champ.
Moms Nice and friendly.
Great sportsmanship.
Perfect, see?
What do you think, Jeff?
-Hey, Jeff.
-Are you okay?
JEFF
THE JOKER
-Did he drown in his pastis?
-I'm fine...
-Whatever.
-Tell us.
I got promoted.
-That's great!
-Good job.
-With a company car.
-Wow!
-Holiday vouchers.
-Oh!
-Meal vouchers.
-Come on!
-Yearly bonus.
-All right!
And it's in Paris.
-Tough luck.
-Cursed.
I know.
Hold on, Jeff.
Why is this letter addressed to "Kevin"?
My name's Kevin, but I shorten it to Jeff.
-You're Yohan, right?
-Yeah.
-But you go by Yo.
-Yeah.
Same for me. It's the short form.
Short form. Kevin, Jeff.
Right.
So what about the promotion?
What promotion?
-Paris isn't a promotion.
-He's crazy.
-It's a punishment!
-You nuts?
-Here.
-I'd rather die than go there.
-You need to resign.
-Resign?
-You have to.
-Okay, I will!
-I'm going to quit!
-Yeah!
What's wrong?
-If I resign...
-Yeah.
I'll lose my job.
That's the idea.
...high winds, the match
between Marseille and Paris.
The LFP has decided to postpone
this Classico match to a later date...
Pain in the ass!
Those bastards are always screwing us!
You're dead!
What are you doing?
I was a bit mad. Now I'm better.
It's okay. The match is just postponed.
We're still gonna beat Paris!
Go, OM!
Go, OM! Go, Marseille! Let's go!
Let's go!
You're a liar, Sami.
It's not my fault there's wind.
-You lied about the home.
-What?
The bailiffs came by
and we heard everything.
I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you.
Stop this nonsense. Lying by omission
is still a cheap trick.
We're closing in a month
and we'll be split up?
No, I'm handling it. Trust me, please.
No reason to panic.
Guys, I have an idea to save the home.
Sofiane, stop messing around.
Let the grown-ups handle it.
And how will you handle it?
By making empty promises?
We can only rely on ourselves.
-What's this?
-Thrse.
Tell them I have a plan.
-Sami has a plan.
-I really do have a plan.
Really, he does. Right.
Everyone in bed! It's a school night.
One thing at a time. Come on.
Let's go.
I'll go brush my teeth.
Sofiane, stop dragging your feet.
Hurry up.
No, Thrse! No!
Not this.
Not after everything you've done!
What's wrong with you?
What did I do?
It's cereal, then milk.
What?
I've done this for 30 years.
I know what to do.
Look at the box.
First you see the cereal, then milk.
That's just a picture!
Hello?
Yes, Mr. President.
No, I didn't see it.
What in the...
Is this a joke?
Damn it.
We didn't really steal it.
Just borrowing it.
If you just borrowed it,
where's the cup?
I swear it was here.
Okay, stay calm.
And tell me exactly what happened.
I'll go brush my teeth.
Wait, don't tell me you took my car.
I don't get it. Why take the cup?
Lil Macron, tell him what you told us.
The concept of supply and demand.
Given the rarity of the product,
and the number of likes on Bastien's pic,
at a price of 10 euros
per photo and per fan,
and this is only a low-ball offer,
we could solve the problem
with the home in one weekend.
Worst idea I've ever heard.
The cup is in the president's office.
We enter here.
Bastien, open the door
with Sami's key card.
Sophie, take care of the camera.
Guys, we won't have much time.
Unfortunately, we missed that camera.
-We were going to give it back.
-Shouldn't we be half-forgiven?
What do you mean? Do you realize
how much you screwed up here?
You realize that? You're not kids anymore!
Just when I've found a solution,
you go and do this?
Sami, come look!
What?
Look!
Damn it. No.
No!
They messed up your car.
Did you hear anything last night?
Those Paris fans were everywhere.
What?
Oh, no.
Damn. It was the Parisians.
What Parisians?
PARIS IS MAGICAL
They borrowed the cup
just to save the home.
It's put me in a difficult situation.
They screwed up, but they didn't steal it.
Well, I can't ask the OM Foundation now.
Trust me, they didn't steal it.
The Parisians did.
The Parisians? Makes no sense.
Why would they?
Who knows, to take it out
at the next Classico match?
Can you imagine the humiliation?
Humiliating, yes.
But I do have to call the police. Sorry.
No, don't do that, Mr. President.
They'll close the home,
and they'll be on the street.
Yes...
Think of the kids.
I know it's sad, but I have no choice.
Plus, it was your key card that was used.
I'm sorry, but you're laid off.
Come on.
Give me time and I'll find it.
-Find it where?
-In Paris.
Paris?
You won't last 20 minutes.
You've never left home.
Anything for the club.
Give me one chance to save the home.
I'll give you 15 days
until the Classico. But that's it.
Thank you, sir.
CLASSICO
D-15
I'll bring the cup home.
After the Paris-OM match was canceled,
Parisian fans who had traveled
showed their disappointment.
Hopefully things will calm down in 15 days
at the match at the Parc des Princes.
-You okay, kid?
-Good, Bernard. You?
Good, thank you.
-Mr. Pardo.
-How are you?
-It's an honor. You're a legend.
-Yeah?
Thank you.
-Marcus?
-Yes, Bernard?
-Bring me a dozen of these, please.
-Yes, right away.
-And a Mauresque too, please.
-Certainly.
So, friends, what's going on?
BERNARD PARDO
THE LEGEND
Well, I'm going to Paris.
I need to pass for a real Parisian.
You've played in both clubs.
What's the strategy to fit in?
Rule number one,
never smile.
If you smile in Paris, it's suspicious.
You'll get caught.
-Hey!
-What?
What did I just say?
-They'll out you immediately.
-Immediately.
Ciao. Kaput. Next.
Okay.
You have to sulk
in Paris.
If you pass out in the street,
they won't help you.
-No way.
-Step right over you.
Step over you
because they don't have the time.
No time.
And if someone jumps
onto the subway tracks,
what would you do?
Well, that's pretty crazy.
I'd call the police or an ambulance...
Wrong!
You yell.
Rule number two,
you yell.
Because you'll be late for work.
That's what's important.
Important.
Don't be sad. Don't be shocked.
-Grumble about it.
-Grumble?
Rule number three,
grumble all the time.
Now, show me your grumble.
Grumble.
No?
You need practice, kid.
Grumbling is very important
for a Parisian.
Awful. Just awful. Zero. Busted.
Let me help you.
How do you grumble?
I know a good guy in Paris.
A friend. He's a good man. You'll see.
His name is Blaise.
-Okay.
-He'll help you.
Why don't you work your way up to it?
Start somewhere like... Istres,
Antibes, Mandelieu-la-Napoule,
and slowly, you'll get to Paris.
I don't have a choice.
The capital's tough
for those who have never left Marseille.
There's also something else.
-The language.
-Don't they speak French?
-Backwards slang.
-What?
Backwards slang.
-What's that?
-Repeat after me.
Don't say "regarde." Say "tma."
Yeah, I know tma.
-Don't say "merci..."
-Say "cimer."
No.
Don't say "thank you" at all.
Last one.
Don't say "celui-l" when you're referring
to someone. Say "l-huiss."
-L-huiss.
-L-huiss.
-L-luiss.
-L-luiss.
L-luiss. Tma l-luiss, damn it!
No, kid...
Watch your accent.
If anyone notices your accent,
say you're Corsican.
-Corsican.
-You'll see. You'll freak them out.
-Yeah.
-Yeah?
But,
if you ever get sad one night,
this has saved my life.
What is it?
Pastis candy, if you ever get homesick.
You don't have a minute to lose, kid.
"Forever the first."
Excuse me, sir? Excuse me?
Come on, move it!
Come on, move, damn it!
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'm looking for...
What do you want? You wanna die, asshole?
You think your mom owns the street?
Son of a bitch!
I just need directions.
-Get the hell away!
-Move or I'll kill you!
The girls from the south
I'm telling you
Aren't just any girls
Just any girls
The girl from the south
Just like the sun
Shining and bright
She makes you smile when you wake
My most beautiful sight
My favorite summer
She's put on my street
The Mediterranean
Wow!
Bravo. Honestly.
Thank you.
Was the girl from the south
from Marseille?
-No, she's not.
-No?
-Why, are you from there?
-No.
-Yes, you are!
-No, I'm not.
You're hiding your accent, but you smile.
You're from Marseille.
Thank you...
Hello, ladies.
Sorry, but I'm looking for the stairs...
Seriously?
Hello.
PLEASE USE THE ELEVATOR
AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE
Blaise?
I know what you're thinking.
I'm sorry?
You're thinking...
"How did he score such a gem
in the middle of Paris?"
Yeah.
It's only 1,950 euros a month.
-Fees included.
-Right.
Of course, I'm not crazy!
And I completely lied on my application.
All completely made up!
Sure, I share a toilet on the landing
with a dozen other apartments,
but who else can say
they're only 15 minutes from Line 7?
Blaise?
-Blaise.
-Blaise.
-Blaise...
-Blaise.
You seem to like Paris. That's cool.
No.
No, it's not just cool.
I'm lucky
to live in Paris.
See, Paris is...
Paris, my love
Paris is Mnilmontant
Come here.
That's my Paris
That's my Paris
It's the little Chardonnay
That's Pa...
...ris
-There you go.
-Right.
That's Paris.
Paris is the Buttes-Chaumont Park,
the Ourcq Canal.
Paris is the Saint-Ouen flea market.
It's The Ace of Falafel eatery!
Paris...
-My cathedral.
-So, you're a painter, right?
I paint still life,
but modern style.
For example, I painted this roll of tape.
-I see.
-And my masterpiece...
I call it "Courtyard Window."
Because it represents a window...
Over a courtyard.
Bernard said you could help me
infiltrate the Parisian fans,
so any plans or advice?
Yes, plans... Much more than a plan.
-This is your plan?
-Yes, I knitted it myself.
Well, if you made it...
There you go.
You should be careful.
-Why?
-You smell like pastis.
OM
CLASSICO
D-12
LET'S GO
PARIS
Thanks.
I'm Mario.
MARIO
THE NUTCASE
Is that water?
-Yes.
-Think it's the wettest liquid?
-Yeah?
-Wrong!
Milk is the wettest liquid.
Look. You can really see it.
-I think I read that somewhere.
-At school.
Is this where the fans meet up
before a match?
This is my crew, my family.
Right, okay.
The big guy's Carlito, the boss.
Don't forget the rule of the three B's.
Bravery, benevolence, and being cheerful.
CARLITO
THE BOSS
Hell of a guy, Carlito.
He just wants us fans to look good.
Right.
He's a chef in a fancy restaurant as well.
Fancy food and PSG are his passions.
-Can you introduce me?
-No.
No one meets him.
Don't even know if he's real.
Right.
Who's that guy?
That's Evian.
You wouldn't guess he's a cop.
He goes to the stadium to relax.
Doesn't work.
Hey! No smoking indoors.
Next time, I'll kick your ass.
JEAN-LUC
AKA EVIAN
-Calm down, Dad.
-He's breaking the law.
And that guy with the glasses?
Pierre. That's Pierre.
-Pierre?
-Carlito's right-hand man.
We love him.
He decides who can be in the group.
PIERRE
EL MAGNIFICO
Okay.
Were you there when they stole
the cup from Marseille?
The what?
The "peu-cou"?
The Champions League cup.
The Champions League? Wow!
That's a doozy.
-That's crazy.
-Nuts!
-It's in the Cartoucherie.
-What is it?
You have to be in the group
to know what it is.
That's right, my man.
Paris!
Let's go, Paris!
Let's go, Paris!
Paris is magical!
Paris is magical!
Let's go, PSG!
Let's go, PSG!
Are you asleep today or what?
Our players need us,
so we have to give it our all!
Or else you go home
and play Scrabble, okay?
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
-You okay, bro?
-Good, and you?
-All good?
-Yeah.
He's my brother. He calls me bro.
So, what's up?
The fans are riled up, that's what's up.
I don't know how I'll get in.
Think the plan's dead.
If you can't infiltrate the fans,
change your strategy.
You always say have a plan B.
I say a lot of crap too.
You said you'd save the home.
So find the cup.
-Look, I already have 5G Internet.
-Don't be dumb!
Thanks, I'm not interested.
So?
-This is amazing.
-Yes.
Incredible.
Did you talk to Dad?
What I like best is the meat.
-Very good distribution...
-Stop it.
He called, but I was busy at the school.
-Call him back, you promised.
-Come on...
If not, I won't tell you
about the rosters and transfers.
You know what? That's fine.
Now that he's back,
we need to be at his beck and call?
I don't get why you don't get it.
We're the kids.
You're right, I wasn't thinking.
He's our dad.
I have to go, it's the second half.
LISA
IS MAGICAL
-Hello, how are you?
-Fine, and you?
Hello, how are you?
Your badge, please, sir.
Your badges. How are you?
Great, thanks.
Hello?
Yes, absolutely.
It's our goalie's birthday.
His mom and sister
just arrived from Italy.
I'm getting them
into the game as a surprise.
Yes.
Hold on, I'll call back.
Yes, JM?
The Argentinian designer just landed.
We'll take good care of him.
We've planned lots for his visit to Paris.
If I call you back, it's good?
Okay, bye-bye.
-Do you take Amex?
-Yes, of course.
I take Bitcoin too.
I can only pay with my watch.
He's crazy. We only take cash here.
It's okay, I'll pay for him.
-No!
-Please, I'd love to.
Sorry for cutting.
Really, let me. What do you want?
-A hot dog.
-One hot dog, please.
Hot dog? Okay.
Anything else?
Want a drink?
-An Oasis, please.
-He'll take one of those.
Sure.
-Anything else?
-That's all.
Here. Keep the change.
-But I need 16 euros, please.
-Sixteen?
Wow.
-Would you have two euros?
-No, sorry.
Here, keep the drink.
-Please help me.
-Are you cold?
-Yes.
-Here you go.
There you go.
-Perfect.
-You're very kind.
-Don't worry about it.
-Very kind.
It's my pleasure.
Sami. Nice to meet you.
Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
Three names? Felipe. Juanito. Oliviero.
Okay. Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
So, Felipe Juanito Oliviero...
has VIP clubhouse access,
champagne and hors d'uvres
but comes out here to eat a hot dog?
The club invited me
to design the new clothing line.
And present them to the manager, but...
But Felipe isn't feeling motivated?
Uninspired, actually.
I should be, I'm Argentinian.
Funny, you don't have an accent.
-I studied in French in Buenos Aires.
-Right, I see!
So you're an artist?
Yes.
I saw online that artists go visit
and discover cities.
To check the city out and get inspiration.
Since you're in Paris,
you should naturally do the same.
"The Orc Canal,"
the "Ace of Spades Falafels,"
the "Saint-Ouen Fleas."
-That's Paris!
-I had no idea.
There's treasure
to be found on every street.
-Maybe you're right.
-Of course I am!
You won't find
inspiration at the clubhouse.
Go and visit the real Paris.
Real people. The ones...
who grumble when someone jumps
onto the subway tracks.
-They do that here?
-You don't know local customs.
-No.
-Come on, Juanito.
Juanito!
I don't know anyone here,
that's the thing.
Today's your lucky day.
Why?
Go to this address. Ask for Blaise.
-Okay? Blaise.
-Blaise.
He's an artist like you.
He'll show you around Paris.
-Do I mention you?
-Yes, and he'll show you around.
-The real Paris?
-Right.
Not like "Paris." No.
-Paris!
-Paris!
See? You're already getting
the real Paris now.
-Paris is waiting for you.
-Paris!
So, your badge... You won't need it.
Your badge, sir?
Don't you know who I am?
Felipe Juanito Oliviero,
Buenos Aires, designer. Ring a bell?
Felipe?
-In the flesh.
-Welcome.
He's good, thanks.
Excuse us. Welcome.
No problem. I give you
my best regards, gentlemen.
Arrivederci.
Damn...
Mini-burgers! Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me. He can't hear me.
Excuse me.
Yes, may I?
-Are these free? Okay.
-Yes.
Thank you.
Sorry, excuse...
-Excuse me.
-No way!
-Pedro Miguel Pauleta!
-Yes.
A PSG legend!
Your best goal was against...
-Against OM.
-OM?
Against Barthez.
I took the ball
from the side and lobbed it in.
Goal...
No, I wasn't thinking of that one.
No, it's the goal with Portugal.
The ball was like this
in front of the goal.
You shot, then went to the corner post...
"Pedro Miguel..." Wow! Like...
No, the other one was the best.
Okay.
Please.
Thank you.
-Thank you.
-To PSG!
To the capital of France.
Yes, you might be surprised
that I speak French.
It's because I studied
in French in Buenos Aires.
Okay. JM couldn't make it.
Something came up.
But if you need anything, just ask.
Perfect. I will. Actually...
Since you know Paris Saint-Germain well,
I'd love to visit the Cartoucherie.
I don't know what that is.
But I can find out.
-That'd be great.
-Okay.
Here's what we can do.
I'll take your number
so we can be in touch.
Here's my card.
Perfect, Lisa.
-Nice to meet you.
-Don't forget!
-I promise.
-Okay.
I'd really love to visit
the Cartoucherie. It's such a nice place.
For inspiration.
When I create, I need to eat.
I can ask the hotel
to bring a meal to your room.
-The hotel?
-The club booked you a luxury hotel.
Yeah?
Welcome, Mr. Felipe Juanito Oliviero.
Please, just call me Felipe.
-Very well. May I?
-Of course.
Anyone there?
Is it free?
Yes, the club is covering all expenses.
Only the champagne isn't included.
I didn't drink any.
I was joking, sir.
Yes, it's the Beckham Suite.
So, genie, how many wishes left?
Are you throwing it or not?
Do something big.
Sami!
Take it easy!
How can I focus with that crazy music?
Okay, fine.
Go on.
Come on, that was too much.
-It's on the ball.
-Can you do better?
-Of course.
-Show me, then.
Rules are to aim for...
Bro, back off. Just wait.
Just touch the one on the right.
You're too close...
Here, look. Stand here.
Safety!
All the way to the end! Yeah!
I'm on fire, I'm on fire
-No, you're frozen. Look...
-That's mine.
Look here, look.
-That one's mine.
-It's mine!
Sopra, stop doing stuff like that.
Then it's nobody's!
Like little flowers.
-Where's my phone?
-You got it?
I got it.
Hey, So.
Hey, I know you're smiling, damn it.
-I'm not smiling.
-How are we doing?
I'm getting there.
Do you have the cup or not?
Not yet.
Hurry up, bro, the bailiffs came by today.
Damn it.
If they come back,
tell them I've found a solution.
-Why are you so slow?
-It's not that easy, So.
I'm in a strange city with strange people.
-In gross conditions.
-Okay.
But I have a deadline for my delivery.
There's a departure for Spain tomorrow.
I can save the home.
No more wacky plans. I'm handling it.
Are you lying again?
No, I met a fan's sister
who can let me
into the Cartoucherie. Got it?
The what?
The Cartoucherie.
Where they stash their spoils.
Well, step on it, bro,
what if the bailiffs come back?
Don't worry, I'm going to get close to her
and seduce her...
Easy.
Seduce her?
-Yeah, seduce her.
-Seduce her, Sami?
-The cup is in the Cartoucherie?
-Yes.
You need to car-touch-her!
CLASSICO
D-8
LISA.BRIEPSG
PARIS
She's an old-fashioned girl.
FRANOIS FELDMAN - DON'T PLAY
Don't play like that
You know you never know
how far it will go...
"Franois...
"Feldman?"
Excuse me, sir.
Who's Franois Feldman?
Busy woman, huh?
Yeah, I'm sorry. I never stop.
I'll be a minute.
Okay.
You must be sick
of these boat cruises for your "VIPs."
-No, this is my first time. Yeah.
-Yeah?
It's like the Eiffel Tower.
Parisians never go there.
Unbelievable. You've got awesome monuments
and you never visit them.
Would you like Classico tickets?
Let's not be so formal.
Sure, if you want.
How many tickets do you want?
Do you need an answer now?
There's a lot of demand. It's the biggest
match of the year, so just getting ahead.
Even though we already know who'll win.
But the match is in eight days.
It's the same thing every year.
Marseille's dead. Their players suck.
And their fans are really not great.
But we've got the star, are you crazy?
Do you have one? Look where I'm pointing.
Your star's up in the sky.
And their fans are really not great.
I guess.
I'll take tickets for the children's home
I look after. They'll enjoy it.
Okay. I didn't know about that.
Yeah, well...
I look after kids.
Underprivileged kids.
If I can get them a little gift
every now and then, they'll like it.
It's something different for them.
The youth give life
to society. They're the future.
If we can... You know...
You're pretty.
Thank you.
I love this song.
Franois Feldman, '89.
How do you know that?
Franois Feldman?
-"Don't play with me."
-Of course not.
Awesome.
You can make me dance
Move
Turn yourself around
No...
-No...
-Come on, a bit?
No, no way.
anything
You can make me feel
that it's time to go
where the sun is
smile, burst out laughing
-Yes!
-Go on, yeah!
Dream in your arms
But don't play, don't play with me
'Cause love is no joke to me
Don't play, don't play like this
You can never know how far it'll go
to play with me
OM
CLASSICO
D-7
-So you like soccer?
-Yeah.
I grew up with guys. I was always
around my brother and his friends.
So it makes sense. I had no choice.
So how much do you know?
I'm an expert.
Bruges, OM, Milan,
Bayern Munich, Bordeaux.
Jean-Pierre Papin from Marseille, eh?
He started at Toulon, RC Paris, FC Brest,
PSG, Newcastle,
Tottenham, Aston Villa, Everton.
David Ginola!
Yes, well done! Wow.
Let's not complicate things
between us. I'm working.
-Sure, no problem.
-Okay.
-All right.
-I'm keeping it very simple.
-Okay, a hard one.
-Hit me.
Montpellier, Naples, Nmes, Saint-Etienne,
Auxerre, then Barcelona, Marseille,
Inter Milan and Manchester.
-Just give up.
-No, wait.
Lolo, The President.
-Good job!
-Of course. Yeah!
The lady is on fire! She's got the ball.
-Of course.
-Unbelievable. Okay.
What's your secret, a hidden earpiece?
-Do you practice with your boyfriend?
-My only love is PSG.
But I do with my brother. He's a big fan.
He could help with the Cartoucherie.
Yeah! Great idea.
I'll introduce you.
I didn't mean right now, but...
Does he have kids?
-No.
-No?
Hi, is this a bad time?
I was in the middle of art class.
Pierre, Felipe. A friend of PSG.
Good to meet you.
I've heard a lot about you.
It's an honor.
Come in.
-Have a seat.
-Thanks.
Are you making banners?
Not at all. This is a drawing for a poem.
I'll show you.
"Little fish spinning around."
Kindergarten teachers have lots of ideas.
Funny, I didn't expect you
to be both a school teacher and a PSG fan.
-What's funny about it?
-Because one minute, you're like, "Paris!"
Then, it's "Okay, kids!"
What's with the prejudice?
You don't know fan spirit.
-Yes, I do.
-You don't.
Being a fan isn't that.
It's generosity and reciprocity.
Lisa, who helped me when I got dumped?
-The fans.
-The fans.
Sure, I know the fan spirit.
They're like family and friends. Like...
-"You need me, I'll be there."
-Exactly.
Let's cut to the chase.
Well, he'd like to go to the Cartoucherie.
What Cartoucherie?
-You don't know?
-Sure, but why bring it up?
He wanted to go,
so I thought you could take him.
No, of course not. No way.
I'm not in a hurry. We can take our time.
No rush.
But if you wanna go now...
-No.
-Okay.
It's not up to me.
-Aren't you the number two?
-Yeah. Two.
Carlito's number one. He wears the key
around his neck 24/7. What can I tell you?
When can I meet Carlito?
Tomorrow?
Here!
Yeah!
Yeah! Was that awesome or what?
Hello, it's Sam...
Felipe in the Beckham Suite.
Bergman, sir. Ingrid Bergman.
-Sure.
-How can I help you?
I'm a bit hungry, what do you suggest?
I may suggest some starchy grains
served in a sea of milk.
What?
Rice pudding.
No, thanks, but do you have sesame bread
and grilled beef served in a sea of fries?
What do we have here?
Let's go!
This is real food!
Good food.
Sami, where are you with the cup?
You've been gone a week.
The Classico is coming up!
Call me. As soon as possible!
You're a great girl.
You inspire me.
I do?
-You're overdoing it.
-I promise. Let me see.
Yeah, I can paint you in gouache.
I can sculpt you in clay, like this.
-Whatever.
-On the thingy.
You know what would really inspire me?
To visit the Cartoucherie with you.
I see. You're not giving up.
Let's go!
Sorry, bro. I didn't mean to.
Sorry.
Calm down, Dad!
Easy.
Something's off, Carlito.
I don't like him.
You're off work, Evian. Don't be paranoid.
Think of the four Toltec agreements.
He's hiding something. I'm telling you.
Did you hear that? He said left foot.
You know what's my nickname?
-What?
-"Lefty of the West."
-Why?
-I shoot like a cowboy.
Yeah, buddy.
You surprised me too.
You've got elbows for feet.
-Why are you looking at me?
-Huh?
-Why you looking at me?
-I'm not.
-What do you want?
-He could be cross-eyed. He didn't look.
-He was looking.
-No, he wasn't.
Remember when Marseille canceled
the Classico?
-Yeah.
-We did some crazy stuff!
-Do we show him?
-No.
-Yes, guys!
-No...
Carlito, do we?
-Yes, seriously.
-No.
-Come on.
-Come on, he's family.
-Carlito, please, show him.
-Go on.
You ready?
See this car?
-What do you think?
-What do you think?
It's...
-It's small.
-What else?
-And?
-What else? Well...
It's busted!
-So ugly!
-Ugly as hell.
-It's ugly!
-Yeah.
It's got arthritis.
-Sure, ugly.
-And we made it uglier.
So what else did you do?
We put dead pigeons inside!
Eleven dead pigeons in that car!
The worst is when he got
into the back seat. Remember?
All right. Night, guys.
-See you, boss.
-Bye, Carlito.
-Actual pigeons?
-Dead ones.
PRESIDENSo Sami? Cup???!
I almost have it.
I'll keep you posted.
I gotta go, but I wanna know
about the back seat.
-Where?
-I've got a meeting.
-All right.
-But...
-But you'll tell me, right?
-No way.
-What's your problem?
-He was looking at me.
Your back was turned!
Exactly. From behind, I saw.
You're weird.
It's good, bro.
I'm sure the cup is in the Cartoucherie.
Good, so do you have it?
No, I have to go there again.
Are you eating?
-Are you?
-Me? I just want a drink.
Good, because food's next door.
I know, your colleague told me.
-One pastis, please.
-We don't have that.
Mint liqueur then?
A pint of lager for table 12!
Bro, I'm in a caf. Parisians are weird.
How are things at the home?
Look, I won't lie. It's not great.
I screwed up a bit.
What did you do?
Sofiane, what did you do?
They're not the real police!
It's just a game. I'll be right back.
Sophie, there's pasta in the fridge.
Thrse's going to jail.
Jail? Are you kidding?
Wasn't smuggling, was she?
-Worse.
-Worse how?
-You don't want to know.
-I do. Did she kill someone?
You don't. It's worse.
I can't be there before the Classico.
You need to handle the home.
This is crazy!
CLASSICO
D-5
If only the Parisians "hadn't had"
taken our cup,
Sami would still be here.
We'd have the money for the home.
You mean, "hadn't taken the cup."
Past perfect tense.
That's 7th grade stuff.
Shut up.
Hello, it's Felipe.
I'd like to know
if you want to go out for dinner.
But keeping things simple, of course.
You're probably busy, but I'm not.
So if you'd like to...
Bye.
So?
So?
This is 100% beef.
Want my opinion?
The chef's just using meat.
-Don't tell anyone.
-Whatever.
Okay, fine, it's soy.
-Tofu.
-Shut up.
It was hard to get a table.
How did you do it?
I said I had a date
with the most handsome guy on earth.
Oh?
But he stood me up, so I came with you.
PRESIDEN-I like your brother.
-Yeah?
He's very nice. Loyal, upstanding...
I like him a lot.
Did you talk to him
about the Cartoucherie?
No, but I will.
But he likes you,
and he never likes anyone.
-Just like you, then?
-Excuse me?
You remind me of a clam.
-A what?
-A clam.
A clam. So I heard you right.
You're there on your rock,
just chilling.
Whenever another clam
wants to be friendly,
you go back to your shell.
Yeah, well, when you were abandoned
by your father, you tend to clam up.
-You've never seen him?
-He's reached out recently.
I wanted to talk to him, but...
-But not your brother?
-No.
So do you really look
after a children's home?
You were listening?
Yes, it's a home
for troubled kids...
Did you know
these aren't really lychees?
What are they?
Cats' balls.
I'm Nicolas Palois, from Tofu Magazine.
Was there a problem
in the kitchen tonight?
-A problem?
-I know what a good restaurant is.
-But tonight...
-You're so good!
My chef's off today.
My wife replaced him. Hi!
Hello.
A disaster.
-I won't rate you tonight. Tomorrow.
-Thank you.
-Your meal's on me.
-No!
I insist.
-Come on.
-No, I insist.
Thanks.
Well, I'll say goodbye and keep it simple.
I had a very nice evening.
Nice and simple.
Can we go, miss? Keep it simple?
Yes, sorry.
Good night, Felipe.
Room service!
Sir?
Are you all right, sir?
OM
What the...
Can I have a little privacy or what?
Excuse me, sir, I'll be back.
-What in the...
-Don't worry.
I'm from Marseille too.
-You're from Marseille?
-In my heart.
I'm from Puteaux.
But I support Marseille, baby.
You Parisians are weird.
What do you like about Marseille?
"Sche."
What are you talking about?
Yes, my baby
Nardo Gray RS4
Of course they missed me...
-SCH?
-There you go.
I can't believe it. Well, thanks.
-Have a nice day, sir.
-Yeah.
He actually said, "Sche"?
He actually said that? Man...
PIERRE
I have a surprise for you!
Meet me in 1 hour.
Yes!
Marseille, baby!
PRESIDENSo??? So? So?
It's on the way!
Damn
Wait, I'll stop you right there.
I know your game,
but let's just stay friends.
I like you, but as a friend. Please.
I just got out of a relationship.
What are you talking about?
You've got ketchup here.
-Ketchup?
-Yeah.
-Well, damn. I thought...
-Don't.
Sorry, sorry. Excuse me.
No way.
I mean, just to be clear...
I'd like to stay friends.
-So do I. I like you but as buddies.
-Okay.
-Buddies.
-Buddies.
PROUD OF OUR COLORS
Sorry.
-Your sister told me about your dad.
-What?
Your sister told me about your dad.
She's so annoying.
-Damn it.
-It's not really my business.
But don't close the door.
Or you'll regret it.
It's not your business,
but you just got involved.
I just got involved.
Because I didn't get that chance.
-He's gone.
-Where is he?
-Somewhere above.
-Sorry, sorry...
I'm sorry.
But my dad wasn't a good guy.
He left my mom to fend for herself
all these years.
Gone for years. Now he's back
as if nothing happened.
Maybe he's back because he has regrets.
Maybe. I don't know...
I don't care.
I can't even remember my dad's face.
How old were you?
Six.
I only have pictures to look at.
Call him back.
Still down to visit the Cartoucherie?
-You're kidding.
-I'm getting the banner for the match.
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
CLASSICO
D-2
I'm happy he's taking you
to the Cartoucherie.
-So awesome.
-Yeah.
-When are you going?
-Tomorrow.
-Right before the Classico.
-Cool. I'm glad.
Thanks to you.
Wait, I need to tell you something.
I haven't been totally honest.
Really?
-Actually, Felipe is...
-Sami!
-Sami!
-What are you...
Sorry, I just got off work.
Why did he call you Sami?
It's short for Felipe.
-Sami is short for Felipe?
-Yeah.
My name's Kevin, but I go by Jeff.
-It's the same.
-Can you give us a minute?
I'll see you at the hotel soon.
Give me two minutes.
Be right there.
What are you doing?
My job! I was transferred to Paris.
Great, but you can't stay here.
-Hello.
-Hello, Miss Lisa.
So what are you doing in Paris then?
Stop, are you crazy?
Don't do that. I'm on a club mission.
You're ruining everything.
Guys from Marseille are weird.
Is the gentleman from Marseille too?
What do you mean?
-I see you're doing well.
-Yes, I'm fine.
-And your girlfriend?
-Quiet!
In your palace. Nice taste.
-She's dressed like a penguin.
-Relax.
Did you win the lottery or what?
That's exactly it. Okay?
-I'll call. We'll talk with the others.
-Call me.
You haven't picked up for two weeks.
Go get your penguin.
Hey! Penguin! Come on, penguin!
What is this, Sami?
-Funny. You called me Sami.
-Very funny.
Who are you?
-It's a nickname.
-I'm not stupid. Are you from Marseille?
What are you doing with PSG?
Okay, I'm Sami from Marseille.
Damn it. Wait.
My club is going to fire me now.
Where's the real Felipe?
-With Blaise.
-Who's that?
A painter friend.
Damn, I'm going to get fired.
I can explain.
He needed some inspiration.
-He'll be back, don't worry.
-What?
You've been lying for two weeks,
the real Felipe is gone,
and you say don't worry?
-I can explain.
-Shut up. I don't want to talk to you.
I didn't have a choice.
Your Majesty.
-What a honor to welcome you to my...
-Quit it.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, Jeff.
Everything's perfect.
Lisa found out. Thrse's in jail.
The home's gonna close, but I'm fine.
That's one big shitty day.
Is what Thrse did serious?
-Sofiane won't tell me.
-Did she kill someone?
-Worse.
-She got transferred to Paris?
Damn, transferred to Paris!
How will I pay
for her Louis Vuitton trunk?
-That's a Vuitton?
-Yes.
That's a fake.
You can see it a mile away.
"LF"? That's Louis "Fuitton."
You don't spell Vuitton with an "F"?
Sure you don't want food?
No, I'm not hungry.
-Got a little pick-me-up though?
-Yeah.
Poulain, Benco, Nesquik cocoa mix.
You don't have anything
that will really pick me up?
-I have what you need.
-Good.
Van Houten chocolate!
It's really strong. Zero sugar.
It'll blow your mind.
Don't worry, you'll get her back.
I don't think so.
She'll never forgive me.
Cups are never angry.
Are you serious right now?
You're worrying me.
-I'm talking about Lisa.
-Oh! No, she'll never forgive you.
Yeah, it's dead.
Completely dead.
Muerto, mortas, las papitas.
PIERRE: Bro I'm going
to the Cartoucherie if you're still down.
-Don't go. It's an ambush.
-What do you mean?
She told her brother. He told
his friends at Paris Saint-Germain.
-It's an ambush. You'll be ambushed.
-No, I'll go and get back what's ours.
Just let me call Yo.
-We'll make a team.
-Don't call anyone.
I started this. I'll finish it.
Don't call anyone.
I'm sure it's an ambush.
I'm sure it's not an ambush.
No, not an ambush.
Everything will turn out fine.
It'll be fine. Just fine...
Felipe!
Hurry up!
Right.
CLASSICO
D-1
Welcome to my lair, my friend.
Isn't it something?
Incredible.
Incredible, huh? It's wonderful, right?
Here, we have Luis Fernandez's parka.
-No!
-Right before you.
-Let me tell you something.
-Yeah.
Right now, you're a true fan.
Thank you, Pierre!
And look at this.
Borelli's kiss.
This is the actual grass.
-Crazy.
-Ronnie!
Ronnie's sombrero flick!
-Yeah.
-Pauleta! The Eagle of the Azores!
They were this close to playing together.
-PSG's only regret.
-Yeah, too bad.
Kombouar, Golden Helmet!
At the last minute! Corner!
Everyone remembers!
-Hey, Pierre?
-Yes?
Can I look around alone to take it in?
No, I can't, sorry.
-I get it.
-Don't worry, you won't miss anything.
Look, Bernard Lama.
Bernard Lama!
Bernard Lama, The Cat!
Not a kitten! Far from it!
And who got it for me? My sister.
Have you heard from her?
-Who?
-My sister.
-No, why?
-No news?
No.
I heard things aren't going well at work.
No, I...
But I think things will turn out fine.
She's tough. Strong. A real Breton.
She's not Parisian?
No, no one in Paris is from Paris.
Yeah?
You've got many cups here.
-Who's that?
-Don't know.
Who is it?
Felipe, my friend!
Who are you? Who is he?
He's...
That's Piotr!
It's... a friend from Budapest.
He can't speak any French.
Get out! Why didn't you tell me?
He must've followed me.
Come on, we're leaving.
If Carlito catches us, we're dead.
-Let's go. We're leaving.
-Sorry!
Sorry. Sorry.
Name of you?
Guys, we can't be here.
Name of you?
-Pierre. It's fine.
-We'll go.
Pierre. Wonderful.
Thank you for having us here.
Much emotion. Me, be here.
Mom, fan of Paris Saint-Germain.
Mom love Paris magic!
Mom of me, rock me,
dream to come here. Cartoucherie.
-I don't care.
-But Mom is dead.
Kaput. Car accident.
Two bullets in the back.
Oh, right.
Dream of Mom. Finished.
No Cartoucherie for Mom.
Mom is dead. Mom is dead!
I'm sorry. It'll be okay.
Mom! Mom!
I get it. My mom did
everything for me too.
I understand.
Pierre, you have good heart.
-It's normal.
-Is possible?
Leave me two minutes,
pray, reconnect with Mom?
-Here?
-For Paris.
-And PSG.
-For Mom, kaput.
Did anyone follow you?
You know what? Go check, I'll watch him.
One minute, guys.
One minute, no more.
-Okay then.
-It's okay.
Thank you.
-We need to find the cup.
-I know, thanks!
There's nothing here!
They might have taken it out
so they can humiliate us at the Classico.
What?
-The Parisians may not have taken the cup.
-How?
A cup is won, not stolen.
We're all alike in this respect.
Crazy how much we're alike.
All the same.
Except there's no light blue.
-You okay?
-Very beautiful. My mom...
He's not well. We're gonna go.
Good. Tomorrow's the Classico.
We need rest.
You'll be fine, Piotr.
What the hell are you doing? Guys.
THE BIG DAY
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
Paris is magical!
Paris is magical!
Hey, you were right about the cup.
What cup?
-Champions League Cup?
-Yeah.
Go, Paris!
Go, Paris!
Someone told me
they did steal it from Marseille.
-Damn it, I knew it.
-Yeah.
-Are you going to take it out now?
-Yeah.
Seriously? Where is it?
-Huh?
-Where's the cup?
What cup?
You just said it.
-Champions League Cup.
-Champions League?
Yeah, the one you stole.
Oh, right. It's in the Cartoucherie.
No, I was just there. It's not.
-I was there.
-Look harder.
A trusty guy told me
it was at the Cartoucherie.
I'm sure it's there.
Impossible, who told you that?
Hey, what do you think is more blue?
The sky or the sea?
This is Paris!
Why do you smell like pastis?
Paris! Paris!
Bro, I have a surprise for you.
I need to talk to you about Lisa.
That's between you two.
Between us is our love for PSG, not Lisa.
-Speaking of...
-Up!
Up.
Guys, what measures the value of a fan
isn't the years he's been with us.
Here, we have
one of the best Paris fans there is.
Follow me, bro.
Follow me.
Do what I do.
What are you doing?
Come on! We're waiting.
Come on...
They're waiting.
Hurry up.
I can explain.
You better.
Obviously, I talked to my sister.
Especially when people have hurt her.
You're going to pay, bro. You will.
Right now.
Start a chant.
-What?
-Start a chant.
Sing!
Come, ye children of...
What are you doing?
P...
P...
Go on. Give it your all!
-A
-A...
Louder.
-R...
-R...
Louder!
-I
-I...
S
S...
Paris!
Louder!
Paris!
Paris, S, G!
No Marseillais here! Get him!
Get out of here!
THRSE: Home closed. Kids split up.
Me in jail. Bring the cup home!
Hi, this is Paris. Leave a message.
Pierre, it's Sami.
Meet me in one hour at the Cartoucherie.
I'm taking back what's ours.
Hold on, Pierre.
What's this? What are you doing?
Sami!
Are we all here, gang?
It's on, now.
But this is too much.
Hard to walk on this stuff.
I see why they wear rangers.
-Did you tell them?
-We're here, the family.
There were 4,000 of us,
but some took the wrong train.
-It's okay.
-Even the old man came.
We're not here to fight tonight.
-We're here...
-...for our friend.
Nobody move.
-Look at these
-dickhead Parisian dogs.
-Looking...
-like weaklings.
Left hook.
Right hook.
Uppercut.
Guys, what did we say?
We show up,
get our cup back and get out of here.
-Hold this. I'll take them one by one.
-Kiki, we're not fighting.
-We're not fighting?
-No, we're not fighting.
-We're not fighting.
-Piotr...
Me fuck your mother, Piotr.
-In front of everyone.
-Who's he?
You fuck mother of no one.
Your weenie too small.
Why do I use an accent? You're dead.
You look like Harry Potter.
Shut up. You look like Jul when he's sick.
Are you done?
-Can I explain?
-Don't listen to his bullshit. Get him!
-Nobody move.
-Let go of me.
And he looks like Cline Dion!
What are you talking about?
He looks just like Cline Dion.
-What? She's got long hair.
-It's the face.
-He looks just like Cline Dion.
-Who's this joker?
-Tell me he doesn't.
-Not at all.
Are you crazy? I've been thinking
this whole time he looks like Cline Dion.
-Just shut up.
-Look at his face...
Look, I lied for a good reason.
We want what's stolen from our club back.
That's why I infiltrated you.
That cup is our history.
It's our identity.
It's our star.
We're not leaving without it.
We don't have your cup.
We never did.
We've earned all our trophies.
And we'll win that one too.
That's right.
-You'll win my dick!
-Shut up.
You'll win mine.
You shut up too.
No, you shut up.
Yes, we're rivals.
But we've never been dishonest.
You're the one
who's been dishonest from the start.
-Who's that?
-Mariah Carey!
No fighting with girls here.
-You lied and you're blaming them? Really?
-Really?
-You think you're better than them?
-Yeah, do you?
I trusted you
and introduced my brother to you.
-Like Darty.
-Shut up. I can't focus.
You were just using me.
I'm sorry, Lisa.
That slap.
His ear must be going...
Yes, President.
I understand.
I'm disappointed, but what do you expect?
You did what you could for the kids.
Yeah.
I'll tell them.
Thanks for everything.
It's not that bad.
It's great here. Everyone's nice.
And your cellmate?
She makes my bed!
And saves me a spot at the canteen.
She's really nice for a repeat offender.
I don't know why,
but I think everyone is scared of me.
You did that?
Yeah.
It's good to have connections.
So how are you kids?
Are your foster families okay?
Yeah, they're nice.
But we're all split up.
I have pizza and fries every day.
I don't believe it!
A healthy life starts
with a perfectly balanced diet.
-I even miss him.
-No.
I'm so sorry you've been split up, kids.
-Sorry.
-No, Thrse.
If I had the cup,
the home would've been saved.
-It's our fault.
-No...
-We shouldn't have done it.
-It's no one's fault. Okay?
We didn't succeed.
-But we tried.
-Yeah.
Didn't succeed.
Go, the Mass is over.
Group hug?
-Yes.
-Group hug.
Let's go, hurry up.
Easy for you to say.
You're not carrying a box.
Who said I didn't?
I carried boxes all day.
Louise, the box isn't going
to load itself.
Right, ready?
Careful, it's an 8K ultra-HD screen.
No!
What's wrong?
Parisians are in Marseille.
-They're selling it tonight.
-What? The Parisians are in Marseille?
"How much..."
-How much are they selling it for?
-800,000!
It'll happen
at the Old Port InterContinental.
What the hell is this?
And who are you?
Me?
The true holder
of the Champions League cup.
What does he mean?
Better put it in the trunk.
-So that Sami doesn't see it.
-We'll be back tomorrow to take pictures.
We'll save the home,
then return it first thing Monday.
Great.
According to my calculations,
we'll have a treasury surplus.
We could treat ourselves.
Shut up!
-So annoying.
-Shut up!
So annoying. You know that?
You see...
Always keep an eye out, take precautions,
or things might go wrong.
That's it.
With this, we'll get rid of them
as fast as possible.
And no one will know it's us.
Quiet!
He went to get it himself.
Give him what's in that suitcase.
I mean, hand it to me.
Quiet!
It sounds hollow.
It's salt dough.
No, it's not. I promise.
First of all,
salt dough's white, this is gray.
Salt dough is thick, rough, baked...
I know what salt dough's like,
right, guys?
That's completely wrong, gentlemen.
To make salt dough,
take two cups of flour,
mix in a bowl with one cup
of warm water and one cup of fine salt.
Knead to form a nice, soft dough.
I have the real one.
Don't believe me? Bring in an expert.
Hello, gentlemen.
What are you doing here? You the expert?
You weren't expecting me, huh?
But we need a true expert.
A big shot. The boss.
Boli in line. Marcel Desailly at post.
He makes the goal!
Boli scores!
I'd recognize it like my own mother.
The smell of it. The touch of it.
The feeling of it.
Listen. Its heart is still beating.
She's beautiful, she's cute
She's a nice person...
This is a trap! Shut up!
No one talks like that to Mr. Basile Boli.
That's it.
Sorry, I was mad. Now, I'm better.
Don't piss off Kiki the Nutjob.
All right now?
-I'm going to get some air.
-Go get some air.
I told you it was salt dough.
It sounded hollow when he knocked on it.
How did you know I had the cup?
Thrse got a letter
from "Rentes & Shaton."
Thanks to our little genius,
we figured it out.
Yes, I love anagrams.
I heard the landlord wanted to tear
all this down to put in a parking lot.
Why would I help you? You lied,
betrayed me and you hurt my sister.
Because we're the same. We became friends.
You're from Paris. I'm from Marseille.
This goes beyond soccer.
You'd do the same if you were me.
Pierre?
Where's the cup?
The home's landlord has it.
But I have a plan.
From now on, they have no debt.
Don't let me see you again in Marseille.
Hello, Dad?
I'm in Marseille. I'll be home tomorrow.
We've missed you.
Welcome home.
-I was talking to her.
-Yeah.
You too, Sami.
I'm glad you're back with us.
Thanks, sir, but
-I think I should cut the cord.
-Cut the cord?
-Spread my wings.
-Spread your wings? What are you saying?
This is your home.
Yeah, but I need to take care of the home.
Take care of the home.
I don't know if they'll let Thrse out.
-No, we don't know that.
-Yeah.
Did you see a box with cards?
A box with cards? Hey, answer me!
Stop, if this goes off,
they're going to lock me back up!
I don't believe it. Go!
My gosh, those cookies look beautiful.
You've improved. That's wonderful.
-I hope you find my Uno! Seriously.
-Wasn't me.
I love that game.
So the home was true? It's not all lies.
Lisa, what are you doing here?
My brother told me everything.
Can we start over?
Okay. I live here.
In a home for orphans.
In Marseille, Castellane.
I've never left Marseille. Well, once.
To go to Paris.
And I think I fell in love.
And I have exactly
26.45 euros in my bank account.
And you are?
I'm Lisa. I work for PSG.
I'd never met anyone
from Marseille before you.
I love my city, and I love honesty.
Even though 26.45 euros isn't great.
But nice to meet you.
Same to you.
You're so beautiful! I'm so happy.
-You're Lisa?
-Yes.
-Nice to meet you.
-Same here.
-So where are you moving to?
-What do you mean?
I'm taking your bedroom
because we have new arrivals.
That's nice of you.
PSG said they can't do without me.
So I don't know.
-I come live in Paris?
-I don't know.
No, that would mean
leaving the home and Marseille.
They have me here.
-Come on, let's play.
-Okay.
Boulogne, Lille,
Brest, Saint-tienne,
Toulon, OM, PSG.
Give me a hug!
If I get it right,
you'll stay in Marseille?
You'll never get it.
You said OM, PSG?
Start packing.
Come on. Yes!
It's not a party without champagne.