Cop Car (2015) Movie Script
Wiener.
Wiener.
Boobs.
Boobs.
Pussy.
Pussy.
Damn.
God damn.
Ass.
Asshole.
Ass face.
How far do you
think we've gone?
Fifty miles.
I think we're almost
to the woods. Come on.
Don't get
rust poisoning.
Come on!
I thought it was
an arrowhead.
Bitch.
Bitch.
Shit.
Shit.
Shithead.
Shithead.
Fuck.
Say it. Fuck.
That's the worst cuss.
Actually my friend,
he's in eighth grade,
he says that it's just a
different language from Russia.
So it's fine
to say it.
Oh, look!
What?
Snake hole!
I'm going to leave mine in
there in case they try to escape.
Good idea.
Want to see
a magic trick?
No way!
Want some?
Yeah!
We gotta
ration it, though.
Okay.
Two centimeters
each a day.
Wait, why don't you
keep it in your pocket?
Pickpockets.
Got my wallet
in here, too.
The creek should be
right over... Get down!
What?
It's the cops!
We haven't even
been gone that long.
You're right.
Did they see us?
I don't think so.
We can distract them.
Throw this on the far side
to make a noise.
Oh, crap!
You hit it!
Oh, shit!
Shit!
I hit a cop car!
Let's go!
Wait, wait, wait! It has
my fingerprints on it.
Mine, too.
Okay. Go get it.
No way!
Fine. Chicken.
Wait.
Go that way.
It's better camouflage.
There's no one
in there.
They could be hiding.
My dad says sometimes cops
put empty cop cars near roads
so that people won't speed, 'cause
they think they're real cop cars.
But there's no road.
Do you see it?
I don't know.
It could be any of them.
Come on,
let's just go.
I dare you
to touch it.
The cop car?
No way!
If I do it,
you have to do it.
Okay.
Ready?
Stay low just in case
they're hiding.
Now!
Okay.
Your turn.
Oh, crap. Oh,
crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
Oh, crap.
Come on, come on.
Come on!
No way!
Quick, get in!
Get in!
Why?
Look.
So?
Hit the boosters!
There's a lot of
bad guys behind us!
I'll shoot 'em!
Did you kill them?
Look out!
You're driving us
right off of a cliff! No!
Where's the siren?
We need to
get out of this lava!
Holy shit!
No way.
Which one?
The big one?
It fits.
Do you know
how to drive?
Yeah, I know.
Mario Kart.
Yeah, me too.
Whoa!
Me first!
Wait!
Try this one.
Awesome!
Why isn't it going?
It's moving.
It's moving!
Quick, get in.
We're going to
get in trouble.
We already ran away.
It doesn't matter.
What if someone
sees us?
We'll just tell them
we're cops.
Good idea.
This is our
cop car now.
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, shit, oh,
shit, oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh!
That was so cool.
This is our cop car!
This is our cop car!
This is our cop car!
Fuck. Shit.
Hello, hey. Hey. Hey there.
Hey there, Miranda.
Hello, Miranda.
Hey there, Miranda.
Hey. Hello, there.
Dispatch. Hey there,
Miranda. Mitch Kretzer.
Hey there, Sheriff.
Everything okay?
It's been better,
I'm afraid.
Oh, no.
What's wrong?
Well, I seem to be having
some trouble with my radio.
Not sure what it is.
Is this the one
in your patrol car,
or the one you got
in your truck?
Patrol car. Some kind of
odd interference I'm getting,
maybe a trucker channel
cutting through.
Or those boys out east with their
remote control airplanes. Who knows?
Anything odd
on your end?
No. Not that
I can think of.
I tried to radio in
to y'all ladies.
You didn't hear that?
Oh, no. Must not be
coming through.
I see that.
I thought y'all was just
giving me the cold shoulder.
Never, Sheriff.
Okay, well, I'm gonna see if
it's a short in the receiver,
and in the meantime,
if you do need to reach me,
why don't you just go ahead
and call me on my cell?
Are you sure
you don't want me
to send Gary down there
to have a look?
No. No. I'm gonna see if I
can handle this one by myself.
All righty.
Thank you kindly.
Have a good day.
Any games?
Nah.
Whoa.
Oh! Now me!
Last
car, repeat.
What should I say?
Be quiet! Shh!
They can't hear unless
I push down the button.
I know.
Say, "Cops are,
cops are...
"Cops drink
diarrhea milkshakes. "
Cops drink
diarrhea milkshakes
and then poop double diarrhea.
Say, "Shit!"
Okay.
This
is Dispatch. Please repeat.
Wait, but they're gonna
know we're not cops.
Yeah, you're right. They probably
know all the cops' voices.
Can I drive?
It keeps going when I
take my foot off the thing. Look.
Why's it doing that?
I don't know.
I know. You
jump out and run around,
and I'll scoot over and
be like, "Hurry! Get in!"
Okay.
One, two, three! Go!
That was awesome!
There's a lot of
stuff back here.
What do I do?
What?
Look.
Whoa, that's a real road.
We can go way faster
on the real road.
Should I crash
through the gate?
Nah.
I'll get it.
Shit.
Did that break it?
It must be titanium.
Can you open
the lock?
No.
Try hitting it with the car. Okay.
It's working.
A little further.
I'm pushing
as hard as I can.
It's working. Put your
foot down all the...
Whoa!
Serious shit!
Oh, shit!
That was awesome!
Yeah, that was so awesome.
Let's see how fast
we can go.
Yeah, okay.
Okay. Get it all
the way up to the 100.
How fast am I going now?
Let me try.
It still won't stop.
Oh, I know.
Hold on to that shifter thingy.
Okay.
Whoa!
Okay, "R" means go
backwards and "P" means stop.
Makes sense.
This is so awesome!
Look out!
Yeah!
Fuck you, Marcie!
Yeah. Come on, bitch,
get on there,
get on there.
Come on. Come on.
Get on, bitch.
Get on.
Okay, baby.
Okay, come to Daddy.
Come on now.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on, get on there.
Get...
Dispatch.
Miranda. Mitch again.
Hey there, Sheriff.
Any luck with that radio?
I'll tell you what, you haven't
missed a thing. It's been...
Hey, we got any units
in the Jefferson Area?
Let me check.
Yeah, I think I might
have a 211 in progress,
suspect on foot
somewhere in the vicinity...
In the vicinity of
Widefield Drive and Imperial.
Can you call that in
for me? Code 3.
Sorry, Sheriff. I didn't catch
that last part, Widefield and...
Widefield Drive
and Imperial. Code 3.
Roll the window down, sir.
License, registration,
proof of insurance, please.
Is there a problem?
I'm gonna need you to step out
of the car for me, please, sir.
Calling all
units. There's a 211 in progress.
Suspect on foot. Near
Widefield and Imperial. Code 3.
Dispatch,
this is 55.
I am 10-95 at
Imperial and Cherokee.
I can cover on that.
Just sit tight. I only need
to see your registration.
Fifty-five, copy.
Proceed to Widefield
and Imperial. Code 3.
Ten-four.
Get those tags changed.
How are you
doing today, ma'am?
I'm good. Yourself?
I'm fine.
Kind of slow.
I swear I think I just saw
the craziest thing out there.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Well,
you want to come pick up?
Okay, what would
you like?
Okay, enjoy your lunch.
Thank you.
Bye.
Okay, thank you.
Excuse me. Officers?
More than anyone.
Daniel prophesied
those who arrive
will go to everlasting life
or everlasting death.
Mitch. We're starting to
get some radio interference now, too.
Yeah. I'm having a hell
of a time with my radio.
It could be.
It's the damndest thing.
We just got a report of a
stolen sheriff's cruiser.
A what?
It could be what's
causing the interference.
Yeah, but everyone is
accounted for, right?
Of course. It's just,
this lady is sure
she saw two kids driving
a cruiser out on 110.
Two kids. How old?
She says under ten.
Under ten.
Well, Miranda,
I think we can...
I think we can go ahead and
throw that one in the nut file,
since everyone's
accounted for.
Of course.
But I'll tell you what.
How about we all switch
over to Channel Seven
until we get this
sorted out?
Well, we normally keep Channel
Seven open just in case...
There it is again.
Just for my own
peace of mind.
I hear you. I'll switch the
rest of the boys over to Seven.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just... Just to be safe.
Attention all units,
10-6 to Channel Seven.
Attention all units,
please 10-6
to Channel Seven
until further notice.
Please confirm.
This is 55,
switching to Channel Seven.
This is 37,
switching to Channel Seven.
Forty-five,
switching to Channel Seven.
Please repeat.
This is
unit 21, switching to Seven.
Seventeen.
Dispatch, this is 17,
switching over
to Channel Seven.
Confirmed. Dispatch
switching over to Channel Seven.
Hello, ladies.
Hush. Hush.
I said, "Hush. "
Hey. Hey.
All right, kids.
Fun's over.
I know who you are.
And you are in a whole hell
of a lot of trouble.
Do you understand?
It's downright stupid
to steal a police car,
but you've done it.
And what's done is done.
What we're looking at
is a felony offense.
A felony offense.
And what that means is
guaranteed jail time.
The only thing
that can help you now
is if that car is returned
to me in one piece.
And what that means
is you still have a chance
to work something out,
if you tell me
right now where you are.
Do you understand?
Keep going.
A little further.
Oh, perfect,
right there.
On three.
One!
Two!
Aim for the vest.
Two and a half!
Two and three quarters!
Now!
Ah, shit.
Maybe it's out of bullets.
I think
the trigger's stuck.
Where's the
little gun?
I don't know.
I'll go get
some more bullets.
Okay.
What do you think
this does?
I don't know.
Once again,
to the two children
who have stolen my vehicle.
This does not have to
be a felony offense.
Heck, it doesn't even
have to be a misdemeanor.
What's important is that the car
gets returned to me, immediately.
What?
If you do not know how to
use the radio, it's easy.
You just pick up the mic, and you
hold down the little black button
and you can talk, and when you're
through, you let go and I can talk.
And no one else can hear.
This doesn't have to be...
I just want my car back.
We should
get out of here.
Yeah, I'll go
get the stuff.
No!
What?
I mean leave the car.
What? Why?
'Cause we're
in big trouble.
We're not in trouble.
You're just too scared to drive
fast enough to get away from them.
I drive fast!
You don't drive fast.
I saw you.
You were only
going 35, pussy.
No, I'm not! I was
driving as fast as you.
Grandma's boy.
Hey!
Screw you!
Don't push me!
I'm gonna leave and you can go
to jail when the cops get here.
I'm not going
to jail.
Why not?
Don't kill me,
my God!
God! Please don't kill me.
It wasn't our fault.
I'll do anything.
I'll fucking do anything.
I'll fucking do anything, just
don't kill me. Don't fucking kill me.
Wait. It wasn't our fault.
I told you.
I told you it wasn't.
"Dude, we got to do it now,"
and he said, "No. "
My brother,
where's my brother? You fuck.
You fuck. You don't...
You fuck.
You killed him.
Don't kill me.
Don't kill me,
don't kill me.
Do it! Do it!
Are you a bad guy?
I'm a good guy.
I'm a good...
I'm a good guy.
Then why are you
tied up?
Um...
Because I,...
I need someone
to rescue me.
You boys are gonna
rescue me, right?
Maybe.
You know who the bad guy is?
The sheriff.
He's a bad, bad guy.
Where is he?
Whoa, wait, hey.
Hey, don't leave me in here!
Hey!
The fuck?
Fuck, don't leave me!
I think he's
a good guy.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
Let's let him out.
Listen up.
We're gonna let you out,
but you got to promise
that you won't tell on us.
Of course. I swear.
You can't tell my
grandma or his mom
or any of our teachers.
Or my stepdad, Chris.
I won't tell him.
I won't tell a soul.
Ow.
Fuck. Ow.
This one's really tight.
Yeah.
I think you need to cut 'em.
All right?
Maybe we can
shoot them off.
No! No, no, no! Don't...
Don't do that. All right?
Hey. Hey, come here.
You know what?
I'm looking at you boys.
You seem tough.
You probably...
You must have a knife, right?
Maybe a pocket knife
on you?
I had one, but it got tooken
away from me at school.
How about you,
you got a knife?
Well, there must be
something sharp around here.
Go on and take a look.
You, take a look.
Yeah, there might be
something sharp in here.
Maybe later,
we got to go.
No, no, don't. Please.
I need you. I need you.
Look, this really hurts.
And if you don't get me out,
I might die.
We can look.
Take a look.
You stay here.
Hey. Y'all best friends?
How old are you?
I'm so glad to see you
boys instead of that sheriff.
He's a really,
really bad guy.
Believe me.
I'm going to hook you...
I found one!
The tweezers and
the toothpick are missing,
but it's got
the knife part.
That's great.
Just come here.
Come here.
Get to cutting.
Listen, okay?
You can't have this cop car.
It's our cop car.
We found it, and we're not
going to let you have it. Okay?
Deal.
Don't worry,
you can have it.
I don't care if I see another
cop car as long as I live.
In fact, I'm gonna give you
boys a whole bunch of money.
You like naked girls? I'm
gonna get you some Playboys.
And some candy.
You like candy?
Hello?
Is there anybody there?
Hello, Mr. Sheriff.
My friend and I have your car,
and we're real sorry.
We don't want
to get in trouble
but we don't know
how to get back.
And we're real scared.
We're out here all alone.
Whew.
Well, you boys
sure had me.
Okay. All right.
All right, nothing to
worry about now.
What's important is that
we get you boys home safe.
Now, you didn't
touch anything, did you?
A lot of dangerous
equipment in my car.
You didn't open the
trunk there, did you?
No.
Okay. That's good.
That's good.
Now, I want you to go ahead and
sit yourselves down in the backseat.
Don't touch anything.
Anybody comes by,
you just say,
"Help is on the way. "
You're doing
a real special job
guarding the car for the
sheriff, do you understand?
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Now, you say that you
don't know how to get home.
Do you know where you are,
what street you're on?
No.
Well, take a look around.
You see any street signs?
No.
All right. Okay.
Well, the road that you're
on, is it a dirt road?
No.
Good. Good.
Now tell me,
is it a hilly road?
Is it a hilly road
or is it a flat road?
Flat.
Okay. All right.
Now take a look around.
You see any houses?
Anything at all that
might help me find you?
I see some windmills.
A windmill?
Well, that's great. That's great.
You know what?
I think I know
where to find you.
What's your name, son?
Harrison.
And your little partner there,
what's his name?
Travis.
You boys did
the right thing calling me.
You just sit tight,
help is on the way.
And don't you worry.
You are not in any kind of trouble. In.
Stop fidgeting,
you little shit.
That gun
doesn't even work!
That's right.
Look.
Shh!
He can't hear us.
What's he doing?
I don't know.
Maybe he's looking
to go to the bathroom.
I hate him.
I think he's
trying to hide.
He sucks at hiding.
Why does
he need both guns?
He's a gun hog.
Here he comes.
Where are we going?
Are we going home?
Hey!
This sucks.
Yeah, this
fucking sucks.
Where'd he go?
He's hiding.
He's gonna shoot us!
Maybe he won't.
Okay. Now, the man that owns this
car is gonna be here real soon.
You understand?
And when he gets here, I need
you boys to do something for me.
Okay?
You can't tell him
where I'm hiding.
He can't even know
I'm here.
He's got to think
I'm still in the trunk.
Why?
Shut up!
Just do what I said,
just keep quiet.
'Cause if you don't, you
know what I'll have to do?
Shoot us?
No, I won't.
What I will do is...
You got a mom and dad?
My grandma.
You got a pet?
A guinea pig.
You?
Snake and a dog.
You live with
your mom or dad?
My mom and my stepdad.
What I'll do is
go by your house,
and first
I'll kill your dog.
I'll take a hammer,
hit him in the head
until the hammer's
covered in brains.
And then I'll take
that snake of yours,
and I'll slit him open
top to bottom.
Then, your mom, well, she'll
probably have heard that,
and she'll wonder,
"What's going on?"
And when I see her, you
know what I'll do to her?
Shoot her in the face.
And your stepdad, too.
Make both their faces
into ground beef.
And you,
I'll take that,
what you call it,
guinea pig.
And I'll throw him against
the ground as hard as I can.
But that probably
won't kill him,
and so while he's squirming around
down there, down in the dirt,
I'll stomp him
with my boot.
Crush that guinea pig
of yours.
And your grandma,
I'll slit her throat
with a big ol' knife.
And she'll scream for you,
"Come and help me. "
But no sound will come out.
And you want to know why?
'Cause you can't scream
with a slit throat.
You understand?
So, when the sheriff shows up
looking for his car,
what are we gonna do?
Be quiet.
Great.
You're eating
a Slim Jim now?
No. Look.
Next time he comes back,
you should shoot him.
Here he comes.
Shoot him.
Why didn't you shoot him?
You do it.
Should we tell?
What if this
guy kills our families?
He just wants
his car back.
I don't know.
Fuck! Fuck!
Whew.
You boys sure
gave me a fright.
Holy hell.
Whew.
What do you say we
get you home safe?
Okay, now you boys
answer me now.
Did you open up the trunk?
Was there somebody
inside the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Boy, you answer me now,
or I will shoot you dead,
right through this door.
Tell me right now.
Where is he?
Son.
I am the only person out here
that you can trust.
I am the only one
that can help you.
Oh, fuck.
I knew it!
You little shit!
I knew I wasn't crazy!
You think you could
run down this highway
and I won't
know about it?
I know these roads
like the back of my hand!
What's wrong with you?
Don't think you can play
dumb with me. I saw you.
You almost
ran me off the road.
You are in
so much trouble!
Get out of the car!
Hey! I'm talking to you!
Step outside the car.
Come on.
Get out! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ma'am.
Are you okay?
I'm gonna need you
to calm down.
I'm a police officer.
Are
you bleeding? I'm so...
Ma'am!
What?
I'm gonna need you to
stop talking, all right?
Okay. Okay.
All right?
Just nod your head.
Okay.
Just nod. Just nod it
at me. Okay. All right.
I've been injured
by a perpetrator.
He is the father of the two boys
that are inside this vehicle.
You are okay.
He has fled the scene,
and everything is okay,
but I'm gonna need your help
with something. All right?
Now, listen up.
After I was attacked,
he threw my keys
on the other side of the road,
way over there.
And what I'm gonna need you to
do is go ahead, cross the road,
and see if you can
find my keys for me
so that I can radio
for assistance.
You see, I cannot walk.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Why don't I just call
somebody to come and get you?
No. No, no.
No need to call.
Just head on over there
and see what you can find.
Go on. Go on.
You okay?
Yeah.
Go on.
Okay.
Just take a good
look around there.
It's gonna be hard
to find them out here.
There's so much
tumbleweed.
Cover
as much ground as you can.
Yeah, and just keep
your eyes peeled, okay?
Okay?
Okay!
Are you
the woman that reported
the children
driving the cruiser?
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
Everyone said that
I seen it wrong,
but I knew I saw them.
Well, you did
a real good thing, ma'am.
It's citizens like you that make
a difference in our community.
Taking an active role.
I don't see anything.
You didn't find anything?
Nothing at all?
Keep looking.
Oh, my God.
There's a man out there!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
What time do
you think it is?
I don't know.
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
We have to go.
I think they're dead.
I was gonna try to
shoot out the window.
Dang it,
how do these work?
Let me try.
Come on.
Try like...
Try to smash
the window with it.
Let me throw it.
If this would just...
How'd you do that?
I don't know!
My ears!
Oh.
Wait!
I think something hit me.
You should've worn
the bulletproof vest.
I know.
Where's the lights?
It's by the shifter thing.
It's not working!
It's okay. It doesn't hurt much anymore.
Boys.
Boys.
I know you can hear me.
Slow down, boys.
It's all right.
I just...
I just want my car back.
Son of a bitch.
You don't...
Steal...
A fucking...
Cop car!
We did it! Travis!
Just take me
home quick. Quick.
Sheriff, you out there?
Sheriff, can you hear me?
Do you copy?
This is Dispatch.
Do you copy?
I think there's
no one out there.
Hello!
Wiener.
Boobs.
Boobs.
Pussy.
Pussy.
Damn.
God damn.
Ass.
Asshole.
Ass face.
How far do you
think we've gone?
Fifty miles.
I think we're almost
to the woods. Come on.
Don't get
rust poisoning.
Come on!
I thought it was
an arrowhead.
Bitch.
Bitch.
Shit.
Shit.
Shithead.
Shithead.
Fuck.
Say it. Fuck.
That's the worst cuss.
Actually my friend,
he's in eighth grade,
he says that it's just a
different language from Russia.
So it's fine
to say it.
Oh, look!
What?
Snake hole!
I'm going to leave mine in
there in case they try to escape.
Good idea.
Want to see
a magic trick?
No way!
Want some?
Yeah!
We gotta
ration it, though.
Okay.
Two centimeters
each a day.
Wait, why don't you
keep it in your pocket?
Pickpockets.
Got my wallet
in here, too.
The creek should be
right over... Get down!
What?
It's the cops!
We haven't even
been gone that long.
You're right.
Did they see us?
I don't think so.
We can distract them.
Throw this on the far side
to make a noise.
Oh, crap!
You hit it!
Oh, shit!
Shit!
I hit a cop car!
Let's go!
Wait, wait, wait! It has
my fingerprints on it.
Mine, too.
Okay. Go get it.
No way!
Fine. Chicken.
Wait.
Go that way.
It's better camouflage.
There's no one
in there.
They could be hiding.
My dad says sometimes cops
put empty cop cars near roads
so that people won't speed, 'cause
they think they're real cop cars.
But there's no road.
Do you see it?
I don't know.
It could be any of them.
Come on,
let's just go.
I dare you
to touch it.
The cop car?
No way!
If I do it,
you have to do it.
Okay.
Ready?
Stay low just in case
they're hiding.
Now!
Okay.
Your turn.
Oh, crap. Oh,
crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
Oh, crap.
Come on, come on.
Come on!
No way!
Quick, get in!
Get in!
Why?
Look.
So?
Hit the boosters!
There's a lot of
bad guys behind us!
I'll shoot 'em!
Did you kill them?
Look out!
You're driving us
right off of a cliff! No!
Where's the siren?
We need to
get out of this lava!
Holy shit!
No way.
Which one?
The big one?
It fits.
Do you know
how to drive?
Yeah, I know.
Mario Kart.
Yeah, me too.
Whoa!
Me first!
Wait!
Try this one.
Awesome!
Why isn't it going?
It's moving.
It's moving!
Quick, get in.
We're going to
get in trouble.
We already ran away.
It doesn't matter.
What if someone
sees us?
We'll just tell them
we're cops.
Good idea.
This is our
cop car now.
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, shit, oh,
shit, oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh!
That was so cool.
This is our cop car!
This is our cop car!
This is our cop car!
Fuck. Shit.
Hello, hey. Hey. Hey there.
Hey there, Miranda.
Hello, Miranda.
Hey there, Miranda.
Hey. Hello, there.
Dispatch. Hey there,
Miranda. Mitch Kretzer.
Hey there, Sheriff.
Everything okay?
It's been better,
I'm afraid.
Oh, no.
What's wrong?
Well, I seem to be having
some trouble with my radio.
Not sure what it is.
Is this the one
in your patrol car,
or the one you got
in your truck?
Patrol car. Some kind of
odd interference I'm getting,
maybe a trucker channel
cutting through.
Or those boys out east with their
remote control airplanes. Who knows?
Anything odd
on your end?
No. Not that
I can think of.
I tried to radio in
to y'all ladies.
You didn't hear that?
Oh, no. Must not be
coming through.
I see that.
I thought y'all was just
giving me the cold shoulder.
Never, Sheriff.
Okay, well, I'm gonna see if
it's a short in the receiver,
and in the meantime,
if you do need to reach me,
why don't you just go ahead
and call me on my cell?
Are you sure
you don't want me
to send Gary down there
to have a look?
No. No. I'm gonna see if I
can handle this one by myself.
All righty.
Thank you kindly.
Have a good day.
Any games?
Nah.
Whoa.
Oh! Now me!
Last
car, repeat.
What should I say?
Be quiet! Shh!
They can't hear unless
I push down the button.
I know.
Say, "Cops are,
cops are...
"Cops drink
diarrhea milkshakes. "
Cops drink
diarrhea milkshakes
and then poop double diarrhea.
Say, "Shit!"
Okay.
This
is Dispatch. Please repeat.
Wait, but they're gonna
know we're not cops.
Yeah, you're right. They probably
know all the cops' voices.
Can I drive?
It keeps going when I
take my foot off the thing. Look.
Why's it doing that?
I don't know.
I know. You
jump out and run around,
and I'll scoot over and
be like, "Hurry! Get in!"
Okay.
One, two, three! Go!
That was awesome!
There's a lot of
stuff back here.
What do I do?
What?
Look.
Whoa, that's a real road.
We can go way faster
on the real road.
Should I crash
through the gate?
Nah.
I'll get it.
Shit.
Did that break it?
It must be titanium.
Can you open
the lock?
No.
Try hitting it with the car. Okay.
It's working.
A little further.
I'm pushing
as hard as I can.
It's working. Put your
foot down all the...
Whoa!
Serious shit!
Oh, shit!
That was awesome!
Yeah, that was so awesome.
Let's see how fast
we can go.
Yeah, okay.
Okay. Get it all
the way up to the 100.
How fast am I going now?
Let me try.
It still won't stop.
Oh, I know.
Hold on to that shifter thingy.
Okay.
Whoa!
Okay, "R" means go
backwards and "P" means stop.
Makes sense.
This is so awesome!
Look out!
Yeah!
Fuck you, Marcie!
Yeah. Come on, bitch,
get on there,
get on there.
Come on. Come on.
Get on, bitch.
Get on.
Okay, baby.
Okay, come to Daddy.
Come on now.
Oh, come on, baby.
Come on, get on there.
Get...
Dispatch.
Miranda. Mitch again.
Hey there, Sheriff.
Any luck with that radio?
I'll tell you what, you haven't
missed a thing. It's been...
Hey, we got any units
in the Jefferson Area?
Let me check.
Yeah, I think I might
have a 211 in progress,
suspect on foot
somewhere in the vicinity...
In the vicinity of
Widefield Drive and Imperial.
Can you call that in
for me? Code 3.
Sorry, Sheriff. I didn't catch
that last part, Widefield and...
Widefield Drive
and Imperial. Code 3.
Roll the window down, sir.
License, registration,
proof of insurance, please.
Is there a problem?
I'm gonna need you to step out
of the car for me, please, sir.
Calling all
units. There's a 211 in progress.
Suspect on foot. Near
Widefield and Imperial. Code 3.
Dispatch,
this is 55.
I am 10-95 at
Imperial and Cherokee.
I can cover on that.
Just sit tight. I only need
to see your registration.
Fifty-five, copy.
Proceed to Widefield
and Imperial. Code 3.
Ten-four.
Get those tags changed.
How are you
doing today, ma'am?
I'm good. Yourself?
I'm fine.
Kind of slow.
I swear I think I just saw
the craziest thing out there.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Well,
you want to come pick up?
Okay, what would
you like?
Okay, enjoy your lunch.
Thank you.
Bye.
Okay, thank you.
Excuse me. Officers?
More than anyone.
Daniel prophesied
those who arrive
will go to everlasting life
or everlasting death.
Mitch. We're starting to
get some radio interference now, too.
Yeah. I'm having a hell
of a time with my radio.
It could be.
It's the damndest thing.
We just got a report of a
stolen sheriff's cruiser.
A what?
It could be what's
causing the interference.
Yeah, but everyone is
accounted for, right?
Of course. It's just,
this lady is sure
she saw two kids driving
a cruiser out on 110.
Two kids. How old?
She says under ten.
Under ten.
Well, Miranda,
I think we can...
I think we can go ahead and
throw that one in the nut file,
since everyone's
accounted for.
Of course.
But I'll tell you what.
How about we all switch
over to Channel Seven
until we get this
sorted out?
Well, we normally keep Channel
Seven open just in case...
There it is again.
Just for my own
peace of mind.
I hear you. I'll switch the
rest of the boys over to Seven.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just... Just to be safe.
Attention all units,
10-6 to Channel Seven.
Attention all units,
please 10-6
to Channel Seven
until further notice.
Please confirm.
This is 55,
switching to Channel Seven.
This is 37,
switching to Channel Seven.
Forty-five,
switching to Channel Seven.
Please repeat.
This is
unit 21, switching to Seven.
Seventeen.
Dispatch, this is 17,
switching over
to Channel Seven.
Confirmed. Dispatch
switching over to Channel Seven.
Hello, ladies.
Hush. Hush.
I said, "Hush. "
Hey. Hey.
All right, kids.
Fun's over.
I know who you are.
And you are in a whole hell
of a lot of trouble.
Do you understand?
It's downright stupid
to steal a police car,
but you've done it.
And what's done is done.
What we're looking at
is a felony offense.
A felony offense.
And what that means is
guaranteed jail time.
The only thing
that can help you now
is if that car is returned
to me in one piece.
And what that means
is you still have a chance
to work something out,
if you tell me
right now where you are.
Do you understand?
Keep going.
A little further.
Oh, perfect,
right there.
On three.
One!
Two!
Aim for the vest.
Two and a half!
Two and three quarters!
Now!
Ah, shit.
Maybe it's out of bullets.
I think
the trigger's stuck.
Where's the
little gun?
I don't know.
I'll go get
some more bullets.
Okay.
What do you think
this does?
I don't know.
Once again,
to the two children
who have stolen my vehicle.
This does not have to
be a felony offense.
Heck, it doesn't even
have to be a misdemeanor.
What's important is that the car
gets returned to me, immediately.
What?
If you do not know how to
use the radio, it's easy.
You just pick up the mic, and you
hold down the little black button
and you can talk, and when you're
through, you let go and I can talk.
And no one else can hear.
This doesn't have to be...
I just want my car back.
We should
get out of here.
Yeah, I'll go
get the stuff.
No!
What?
I mean leave the car.
What? Why?
'Cause we're
in big trouble.
We're not in trouble.
You're just too scared to drive
fast enough to get away from them.
I drive fast!
You don't drive fast.
I saw you.
You were only
going 35, pussy.
No, I'm not! I was
driving as fast as you.
Grandma's boy.
Hey!
Screw you!
Don't push me!
I'm gonna leave and you can go
to jail when the cops get here.
I'm not going
to jail.
Why not?
Don't kill me,
my God!
God! Please don't kill me.
It wasn't our fault.
I'll do anything.
I'll fucking do anything.
I'll fucking do anything, just
don't kill me. Don't fucking kill me.
Wait. It wasn't our fault.
I told you.
I told you it wasn't.
"Dude, we got to do it now,"
and he said, "No. "
My brother,
where's my brother? You fuck.
You fuck. You don't...
You fuck.
You killed him.
Don't kill me.
Don't kill me,
don't kill me.
Do it! Do it!
Are you a bad guy?
I'm a good guy.
I'm a good...
I'm a good guy.
Then why are you
tied up?
Um...
Because I,...
I need someone
to rescue me.
You boys are gonna
rescue me, right?
Maybe.
You know who the bad guy is?
The sheriff.
He's a bad, bad guy.
Where is he?
Whoa, wait, hey.
Hey, don't leave me in here!
Hey!
The fuck?
Fuck, don't leave me!
I think he's
a good guy.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
Let's let him out.
Listen up.
We're gonna let you out,
but you got to promise
that you won't tell on us.
Of course. I swear.
You can't tell my
grandma or his mom
or any of our teachers.
Or my stepdad, Chris.
I won't tell him.
I won't tell a soul.
Ow.
Fuck. Ow.
This one's really tight.
Yeah.
I think you need to cut 'em.
All right?
Maybe we can
shoot them off.
No! No, no, no! Don't...
Don't do that. All right?
Hey. Hey, come here.
You know what?
I'm looking at you boys.
You seem tough.
You probably...
You must have a knife, right?
Maybe a pocket knife
on you?
I had one, but it got tooken
away from me at school.
How about you,
you got a knife?
Well, there must be
something sharp around here.
Go on and take a look.
You, take a look.
Yeah, there might be
something sharp in here.
Maybe later,
we got to go.
No, no, don't. Please.
I need you. I need you.
Look, this really hurts.
And if you don't get me out,
I might die.
We can look.
Take a look.
You stay here.
Hey. Y'all best friends?
How old are you?
I'm so glad to see you
boys instead of that sheriff.
He's a really,
really bad guy.
Believe me.
I'm going to hook you...
I found one!
The tweezers and
the toothpick are missing,
but it's got
the knife part.
That's great.
Just come here.
Come here.
Get to cutting.
Listen, okay?
You can't have this cop car.
It's our cop car.
We found it, and we're not
going to let you have it. Okay?
Deal.
Don't worry,
you can have it.
I don't care if I see another
cop car as long as I live.
In fact, I'm gonna give you
boys a whole bunch of money.
You like naked girls? I'm
gonna get you some Playboys.
And some candy.
You like candy?
Hello?
Is there anybody there?
Hello, Mr. Sheriff.
My friend and I have your car,
and we're real sorry.
We don't want
to get in trouble
but we don't know
how to get back.
And we're real scared.
We're out here all alone.
Whew.
Well, you boys
sure had me.
Okay. All right.
All right, nothing to
worry about now.
What's important is that
we get you boys home safe.
Now, you didn't
touch anything, did you?
A lot of dangerous
equipment in my car.
You didn't open the
trunk there, did you?
No.
Okay. That's good.
That's good.
Now, I want you to go ahead and
sit yourselves down in the backseat.
Don't touch anything.
Anybody comes by,
you just say,
"Help is on the way. "
You're doing
a real special job
guarding the car for the
sheriff, do you understand?
Yeah.
Okay. All right.
Now, you say that you
don't know how to get home.
Do you know where you are,
what street you're on?
No.
Well, take a look around.
You see any street signs?
No.
All right. Okay.
Well, the road that you're
on, is it a dirt road?
No.
Good. Good.
Now tell me,
is it a hilly road?
Is it a hilly road
or is it a flat road?
Flat.
Okay. All right.
Now take a look around.
You see any houses?
Anything at all that
might help me find you?
I see some windmills.
A windmill?
Well, that's great. That's great.
You know what?
I think I know
where to find you.
What's your name, son?
Harrison.
And your little partner there,
what's his name?
Travis.
You boys did
the right thing calling me.
You just sit tight,
help is on the way.
And don't you worry.
You are not in any kind of trouble. In.
Stop fidgeting,
you little shit.
That gun
doesn't even work!
That's right.
Look.
Shh!
He can't hear us.
What's he doing?
I don't know.
Maybe he's looking
to go to the bathroom.
I hate him.
I think he's
trying to hide.
He sucks at hiding.
Why does
he need both guns?
He's a gun hog.
Here he comes.
Where are we going?
Are we going home?
Hey!
This sucks.
Yeah, this
fucking sucks.
Where'd he go?
He's hiding.
He's gonna shoot us!
Maybe he won't.
Okay. Now, the man that owns this
car is gonna be here real soon.
You understand?
And when he gets here, I need
you boys to do something for me.
Okay?
You can't tell him
where I'm hiding.
He can't even know
I'm here.
He's got to think
I'm still in the trunk.
Why?
Shut up!
Just do what I said,
just keep quiet.
'Cause if you don't, you
know what I'll have to do?
Shoot us?
No, I won't.
What I will do is...
You got a mom and dad?
My grandma.
You got a pet?
A guinea pig.
You?
Snake and a dog.
You live with
your mom or dad?
My mom and my stepdad.
What I'll do is
go by your house,
and first
I'll kill your dog.
I'll take a hammer,
hit him in the head
until the hammer's
covered in brains.
And then I'll take
that snake of yours,
and I'll slit him open
top to bottom.
Then, your mom, well, she'll
probably have heard that,
and she'll wonder,
"What's going on?"
And when I see her, you
know what I'll do to her?
Shoot her in the face.
And your stepdad, too.
Make both their faces
into ground beef.
And you,
I'll take that,
what you call it,
guinea pig.
And I'll throw him against
the ground as hard as I can.
But that probably
won't kill him,
and so while he's squirming around
down there, down in the dirt,
I'll stomp him
with my boot.
Crush that guinea pig
of yours.
And your grandma,
I'll slit her throat
with a big ol' knife.
And she'll scream for you,
"Come and help me. "
But no sound will come out.
And you want to know why?
'Cause you can't scream
with a slit throat.
You understand?
So, when the sheriff shows up
looking for his car,
what are we gonna do?
Be quiet.
Great.
You're eating
a Slim Jim now?
No. Look.
Next time he comes back,
you should shoot him.
Here he comes.
Shoot him.
Why didn't you shoot him?
You do it.
Should we tell?
What if this
guy kills our families?
He just wants
his car back.
I don't know.
Fuck! Fuck!
Whew.
You boys sure
gave me a fright.
Holy hell.
Whew.
What do you say we
get you home safe?
Okay, now you boys
answer me now.
Did you open up the trunk?
Was there somebody
inside the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Did you open the trunk?
Boy, you answer me now,
or I will shoot you dead,
right through this door.
Tell me right now.
Where is he?
Son.
I am the only person out here
that you can trust.
I am the only one
that can help you.
Oh, fuck.
I knew it!
You little shit!
I knew I wasn't crazy!
You think you could
run down this highway
and I won't
know about it?
I know these roads
like the back of my hand!
What's wrong with you?
Don't think you can play
dumb with me. I saw you.
You almost
ran me off the road.
You are in
so much trouble!
Get out of the car!
Hey! I'm talking to you!
Step outside the car.
Come on.
Get out! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Ma'am.
Are you okay?
I'm gonna need you
to calm down.
I'm a police officer.
Are
you bleeding? I'm so...
Ma'am!
What?
I'm gonna need you to
stop talking, all right?
Okay. Okay.
All right?
Just nod your head.
Okay.
Just nod. Just nod it
at me. Okay. All right.
I've been injured
by a perpetrator.
He is the father of the two boys
that are inside this vehicle.
You are okay.
He has fled the scene,
and everything is okay,
but I'm gonna need your help
with something. All right?
Now, listen up.
After I was attacked,
he threw my keys
on the other side of the road,
way over there.
And what I'm gonna need you to
do is go ahead, cross the road,
and see if you can
find my keys for me
so that I can radio
for assistance.
You see, I cannot walk.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Why don't I just call
somebody to come and get you?
No. No, no.
No need to call.
Just head on over there
and see what you can find.
Go on. Go on.
You okay?
Yeah.
Go on.
Okay.
Just take a good
look around there.
It's gonna be hard
to find them out here.
There's so much
tumbleweed.
Cover
as much ground as you can.
Yeah, and just keep
your eyes peeled, okay?
Okay?
Okay!
Are you
the woman that reported
the children
driving the cruiser?
Yeah. Yeah, that was me.
Everyone said that
I seen it wrong,
but I knew I saw them.
Well, you did
a real good thing, ma'am.
It's citizens like you that make
a difference in our community.
Taking an active role.
I don't see anything.
You didn't find anything?
Nothing at all?
Keep looking.
Oh, my God.
There's a man out there!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
What time do
you think it is?
I don't know.
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
We have to go.
I think they're dead.
I was gonna try to
shoot out the window.
Dang it,
how do these work?
Let me try.
Come on.
Try like...
Try to smash
the window with it.
Let me throw it.
If this would just...
How'd you do that?
I don't know!
My ears!
Oh.
Wait!
I think something hit me.
You should've worn
the bulletproof vest.
I know.
Where's the lights?
It's by the shifter thing.
It's not working!
It's okay. It doesn't hurt much anymore.
Boys.
Boys.
I know you can hear me.
Slow down, boys.
It's all right.
I just...
I just want my car back.
Son of a bitch.
You don't...
Steal...
A fucking...
Cop car!
We did it! Travis!
Just take me
home quick. Quick.
Sheriff, you out there?
Sheriff, can you hear me?
Do you copy?
This is Dispatch.
Do you copy?
I think there's
no one out there.
Hello!